#music was not something i expected. thanks guys i don’t understand anything so i got really confused when you started pretending to argue

[aldieb]

barely made it out of the corporate holiday zoom celebration alive. yes before noon

[kyber-crystal]

i will follow you into the dark || bradley "rooster" bradshaw

summary: your first instinct has always been to push people away when they get too close, but for some reason, you have trouble letting one pilot go. but little did you know that he had settled into your heart from the start and has no intention of leaving. (in which you have Bradley Bradshaw wrapped around your finger, and you don’t even notice—5 occasions that solidify your love for him, and 1 time you realize it)

words: ~3.3k

warnings: angst (BUT A HAPPY ENDING, I PROMISE), near-death experiences, brief mentions of violence, also my writing LMAO

a/n: hi guys i haven't posted a full-length fic in a LONG time but here we go :) this fic won the vote so it's going up first! hope you enjoy :)

I. meet me in the middle

“Mav!”

You and Maverick turned around at the same time. “Which one?”

“The pretty one,” Rooster stated. 

“Be more specific.”

“I am being specific, Captain.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Fine, I need your daughter.”

“You always need her for something.”

“Sorry, pops,” you grinned and clasped Maverick’s shoulder, and walked over to Bradley. “Come to kidnap me again, Bradshaw?”

“Actually, I’m hungry.”

“Then…go eat? I don’t see what any of that has to do with me.”

“I’m going to dinner, and I want you to come along,” he explained. “So, let’s go.”

“Is that why Cyclone was grumbling about someone spilling coffee all over him earlier? I knew it had to be you that put him in that mood.”

“Doesn’t matter. Come on.”

You looked back at your father, who simply laughed and motioned for you to go. The test flight would have to wait. 

It was 5:30 when you got there, but the usually-crowded cantina had only one other person inside. Rooster didn’t hesitate as he set down his car keys and slid into the booth right next to you.

“There’s a seat right there,” you pointed out. 

“And?”

“You can sit over there.”

“I don’t want to, though.”

“Alright, then.” 

You weren’t even done for the day and already, felt tired and worn out beyond belief. The one thing that had been keeping you going was Maverick’s promise to take you on a Mach 7 test flight. (With the Admiral’s permission, of course. But you wouldn’t be surprised if he had never asked.)

Rooster tells the waitress your order without blinking, and you give him a tired smile as a thank you. 

There’s no animated conversation, no loud comments or jokes or anything of the sort as the food comes out, but neither of you mind. Sometimes, all you needed to cool down from a long week was each other’s company and a steaming plate of fajitas. 

The little routine you’ve established falls into place so easily you don’t even have to think. Impromptu dinners, blasting 80’s music as the sun goes down, taking the offbeat path down to the coast with salt in your windswept hair.  Little to no words spoken, and somehow the silence speaks volumes.

But you don’t understand why he’d choose you to do this with, out of everyone. You’d expect him to drift towards someone less damaged. Someone who could keep up to his free and daring spirit and push him to his limits. Someone who had less baggage and didn’t flinch at every little touch. 

But despite all that he doesn’t leave. Even when everyone else around you seemed to, he was always there, assuring you he’d wait no matter what.

“Don’t worry about it.” He places a gentle hand over yours as he hands his card over to pay later that evening. “Let me treat you tonight.”

“Thanks…” 

He holds the door open for you as you walk out and keeps a ghost of a hand against your back the whole way to the car. You’re trying to burrow into yourself, but he doesn’t stop looking at you. The feeling of his eyes on you sends shivers running down your spine and you nervously shift in your seat. 

“You okay?” Rooster places his hand on the headrest as he reverses out of the parking lot. “You seem quiet tonight.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He doesn’t press any further, assuming that you’re tired and that’s why you’re unwilling to say much. He knows. He understands. “If you ever need to talk, though, I’m one call and a 15 minute walk away. Or 7, if I sprint.”

This makes you laugh a bit. “If you say so.”

II. waiting on you

As soon as you hop out of your plane, he’s the first one there to greet you and pulls you in for a hug. You have no time to react to it because he’s so quick to sweep you up into his arms. You can smell a mix of sweat and coffee and a little bit of raspberries on him, and it helps bring you back down to reality. 

“You saw me a few hours ago, Roos…please let me go…” you mumbled into his shoulder. His grip on you only tightens further. “What’s with the excitement?”

“Nothing. I’m just happy to see you.”

Not knowing what else to do, your hands awkwardly reach up to pat him on the back. “It’s good to see you, too.”

Though you don’t say it out loud, you’re also just as happy to see him—it’s comforting to know he’ll be waiting whenever you return from something. And that, you think, is more than enough. 

Rooster carries your things for you without asking, and you’re grateful because your shoulders feel like they’re going to fall out of their sockets. Once again, he’s standing close by as you go to your quarters, ever the watchman. If he doesn’t have a hand on you, then his eyes will stay glued to you for as long as they can be. 

“Is that my shirt?” he asks as you step out of the bathroom wearing an oversized vintage T-shirt and a pair of jeans. 

“No.”

“It looks better on you, anyway.” He smirks; you fail to notice the way his gaze lingers on you a bit longer than normal. “You ready to go? They’re waiting for us at the Hard Deck. Hangman’s complaining about a rematch or somethin’.”

You lean into his side and smile, and he puts an arm across your shoulders. It feels so natural that you almost don’t notice. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

His eyes never leave you, even when he’s in the thick of the game. It’s impossible to ignore the heat pooling in your stomach every time his gaze flickers over to yours. 

Coyote notices your dazed look and nudges Payback in the side. “How is it that everyone knows that Bradshaw and Y/N love each other except Bradshaw and Y/N?”

“Because they’re stupid,” Payback whispered back.

“Ah. Makes sense.”

“So, we need to do something about it.”

“Hm…I’d say we wait it out. They’re going in the right direction.” A small smile graced Coyote’s face as Rooster pumped a fist up in victory before rushing over to embrace you. “A room full of people, yet all he sees is her.”

“You’re so right, man.”

III. rose-tinted glasses

“What are you looking for out there?” Rooster called out.

“Something pretty,” you replied as you stood by the ocean’s edge, the wind fanning your hair around your shoulders. He’s sure that he’s never seen a more mesmerizing sight. 

“I beat you to it, because I already found one,” he stated with confidence, eyes never leaving you.

“Where?”

“I’m looking right at her.”

“That’s not what I meant, silly. Do I look like a seashell to you?”

“No, you’re even better.”

You laugh once again and resume your search. Right then, a glowing scallop catches your eye, and sand dusts your clothes as you bend down to pick it up. It’s smooth and seems to glow in rose gold amidst the early evening light. 

“Would you look at that,” you breathed out, palm extended to show him what you’ve found. “It’s perfect.”

Rooster encloses his hand around yours, and you can feel the heat radiating from his skin. It’s cold out but you’re not freezing at all because he’s so close. He’s so close. Your heart skips a beat. 

“Wow…it sure is.”

He kneels down with you, and you spend the next few hours making it a competition to see who can find the most unique set of stones. A strange feeling washed over you as you watched his brows furrow in concentration. Never had you imagined to be spending Thursday night with Bradley Bradshaw by the seashore, and yet, it feels like you’ve done this thousands of times before. 

Everything seems to fall into place. 

IV. for you, i’d cross the line 

“Y/N, hey.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Doesn’t matter. Move over.”

You shifted on the bench to make room for him and he sat down next to you. This was probably his tenth time playing his rendition of ‘Great Balls of Fire’ but that didn’t matter; the man knew how to sing. You found yourself leaning into him and listening to his heartbeat, and the sensation lulled you into a peaceful trance. 

You took one good look at your best friend. Sweat lined his forehead and his face was bright red from both the alcohol and heat, but still, you were 100% sure that you’d never seen a more beautiful sight in your life. 

The way he seemed to gaze at you made your heartbeat pick up speed. It didn’t matter that he had too one too many drinks in the moments leading up to this, nor did it matter that he was always one to be rather affectionate with you. It didn’t make you love him any less—if anything, it made him all the more endearing. 

“You’re looking at me very…intensely,” you mumbled. “It’s making me nervous.”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he murmured. “A man can’t help it when he’s in love.”

“Was that tipsy you or sober you?”

“Sober me is saying I love you.” He continues playing, unfazed, and the sound of the piano in your ears fades away into nothingness. 

It’s drunk Rooster telling you he means what he says, the confidence boost making him do things he normally wouldn’t. It’s drunk Rooster attempting to serenade you as his warm, alcohol-riddled breath falls against your neck. It’s drunk Rooster talking…but there’s a sober truth hidden behind his words that sends a shiver down your spine. 

You’re nose-to-nose as he starts to sing, and you lose yourself in a sea of gold and blue as his warm thumb grazes over your cheek. As if there’s an invisible string drawing you together, you move closer and closer towards each other. Drunk or not, he was utterly enchanting and you couldn’t turn away.

Once again…you ignore the stirring feeling in your chest at the feeling of his body being so close to yours. 

V. saving grace

You find yourself opening the door to Rooster, who has a bouquet of your favorite flowers and some large Tupperware in hand. Butterflies flutter in your stomach as you accept them and step aside to let him in. “What is this for…?”

“Thought you’d want something nice to add to the kitchen. You and Mav need to work on decorations,” he said. “Why? Do you not like them?”

“No…I’m…how’d you know these were my favorite, anyway?”

“I heard you talking on the phone to Phoenix about them six months ago,” Rooster explained, taking his jacket off and hanging it over the couch. “I pride myself on being observant like that. Also…I woke up early to cook you that pasta you always go nuts over when we drive to LA.”

“Oh.” Your heart twinged as you glanced over—that damn pasta was your favorite thing on the entire planet. You claimed that nobody could make it as well as the diner in Newport did, except Bradley himself. (He didn’t tell you how many times it took to get it just right, though. He didn’t want you freaking out over that. And besides, Maverick’s pots and pans that he borrowed had already paid the price.)

He paused for a moment after setting the container down on the counter. “I noticed you went home early today. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m fine,” you lied as you put the flowers in a vase. But that was no use; he could see right through your monotone response. “Didn’t sleep enough last night.”

Bradley sees your hands tremble slightly. “Sweetheart.”

That’s all he needs to say before you step forward and lean your head against his chest. One arm finds its way around your waist to pull you close, while his free hand smoothes your hair out. A cracked sob escapes your lips and you squeeze your eyes shut in the hopes that if you kept them closed long enough and prayed hard enough, a guardian angel would swoop in and save you. 

“I’m here, it’s okay, you’ll be okay,” he murmurs. “You’ll be okay.”

“Please don’t go, Bradshaw,” you begged, voice hoarse. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m right here, don’t worry,” he reminds you, his hand moving down to rub your back. “I’ll be here whenever you need me, I promise.” 

You reach your pinky out a bit, and the two of you link your fingers together. 

You’re never letting go, and neither is he. 

epilogue—soul ties 

“I’m trying to shake them off. They won’t let up—shit, I’m hit—”

His panicked voice cuts through the buzz of static and you can feel your whole body go numb. What if he doesn’t make it back… The thought alone is too much to bear. 

He curses under his breath and you hear something like that of a whispered prayer and several mentions of Please let me come home to her. Your heart clenches in your chest and you feel like you’re going to puke. Noticing your sudden uneasiness, Maverick grips your hand to keep you steady. 

“Bradshaw, what the hell is going on there?” Coyote nervously rubs at his forehead as he looks up at the screen. “If you die, we’re all going to kill you.”

“Left engine’s completely blown out. I have two bogeys on my tail.”

You bite the inside of your cheek until the tangy, metallic taste of blood fills your mouth. This couldn’t be happening. There already was a ghost amongst the skies, and Rooster could not afford to become the second…

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit, I’m going down, guys—” Rooster curses again, and the earsplitting sound of a large blast interrupts him before he can say much else. 

“Bradley!” you shrieked as you watched his radar signal slowly fade off the screen. “No—”

Silence punctures the air and you finally lose balance, succumbing to the black void of nothingness. 

—

10 hours later, you sit outside the hospital room in the cold hallway, a thin, tear-stained blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Hangman and Phoenix had long since given up on getting you to move, so they took turns sitting with you. 

“You should try eating. There’s In-N-Out nearby, I’ll get something for you if you want,” Jake offered. 

You shake your head. 

“Come on. It’s been all day.”

“No.”

“You’re really that worried about him, aren’t you.”

“No,” you muttered bitterly. 

“You claim to not care, yet you’ve been sitting here for the past ten hours.” 

“I don’t care. This is me looking out for him in the same way any colleague or teammate of his would. This is what I’m supposed to do. What we’re all supposed to do.” 

“Y/N.” Jake sounds a bit more serious this time, and this makes you stop trying to bury yourself within your thoughts. “Listen to me.”

“What,” you exhaled.

"The fact of the matter here is,” he cleared this throat, “Bradshaw cares about you…a lot. Not in a simple and innocent ‘friendly’ way. And if you keep pushing him away like you always do, all 'cause you're scared, you're gonna lose him for good. Losing a good man out of fear is never worth the cost."

Your heart stops.

Every hug, every word and cheesy pickup line, every lingering glance and touch and intertwined set of fingers—he'd fallen first long ago, and pulled you down with him. But you let him, and you'll walk to the ends of the earth if it means he'll hold your hand along the way. And that's when everything hits all at once—the realization comes crashing down like a waterfall. 

You were hopelessly in love with him, the man who brings you flowers every Friday night. In love with the man who holds the door open for you, gives you his favorite jackets, and stays up late or wakes up early to learn your favorite comfort meal (even if it means failing 17 times in the process and ruining Maverick's kitchen), the man who serenades you to classic rock ballads with the taste of rum on his lips. 

This was Rooster Bradshaw, and he was your soulmate.

“But I already lost him,” your voice falters as you struggle to find the right words to say, “I can’t.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. That man is going to stay waiting for you until the day his body is buried six feet underground. Deny it all you want, but he’ll keep waiting long after he takes his last breath.”

You let out a long sigh and stood up. “Okay.”

You’re hesitant as you step inside the small hospital room. He’s asleep, but he must’ve sensed your presence and his eyes flutter open. 

“Sweetheart…”

“Bradley.” He moves over a bit for you, and you sit down next to him. “You’re alive.”

“Sorry for not dying. That must’ve disappointed you,” he jokes. If he’s in any sort of pain, he manages to mask it behind a soft smile. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

“I waited ten hours.”

“You should’ve gone home and slept.”

Closing your eyes, you rest your head against his chest. “I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that you weren’t okay.”

He hums some tune against the crook of your neck; lips brushing over your skin. “But I came back, like I promised. I’m okay, because you are.”

Helovesmehelovesmehelovesme.

As if he could read your mind, he leans in just that bit closer. You look up at him and your heart somersaults in your chest. 

When your lips meet, everything clicks into place and it’s like you finally found the missing puzzle piece you’d been searching for. He was here all along; it made so much sense. Everything else fades away into the background as you get lost in the feeling of him and him alone. You knew from the moment he stuck out his hand and told you with a million-dollar smile “I’m Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw, and I can make a mean lasagna or anything else you want,” that choosing him would be the single best thing you ever could’ve done. 

And you were most certainly right about that now. 

“I kept it, you know.” he murmurs as you eventually break away, “I didn’t think it would last as long as it did, but here it is.”

“What…what are you talking about?”

He fingers dip below the scoop of his T-shirt and he brings out the glittering charm, laying it in his hand. “You gave it to me ages ago. It was a while ago but I still remember the exact time and place. August 5th, 2010, 2:26 a.m. We were both on the verge of falling asleep.”

Your heart grows warmer. “Roos…”

Rooster opens the locket, and inside is a picture of you beaming as you wrapped your arms around him from behind. So young and so in love, but not yet knowing how you felt about each other. 

“I think this is what kept me alive up there. I was in the air long enough to think about and reflect on the fact that I was dying, but I knew I had to come home to you. I was dying, Y/N, but you saved me. If you didn’t come into my life right when you did then I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be telling you that I love you.”

He has you at a loss for words yet again. It didn’t matter that you’d known each other for years because he would always find a way to steal your breath. The once-tiny caterpillars crawling in your stomach had morphed into giant butterflies that never stopped fluttering when he came too close.

He leans in and he’s kissing you again; this time it’s like you’re his sole source of oxygen and he’s in desperate need of fresh air. Your grip on his hand tightens as he deepens the kiss, and you pray to God that your heart won’t explode into a million pieces like it did when you thought you wouldn’t see him again. 

I’ve died and come back to life twice now, Rooster tells himself. 

And both of those times, you’re the angel that magically appears to save him from a certain, unfortunate fate. 

tags, including people who may be interested (sorry if this list seems off, it hasn't been updated in a while hahah): @sarcastic-sourwolf @totomoshi @sebastianstangirl01 @purelyfiction @lunamoonbby @hazelgirl355 @multifandom-fangirl4 @paintballkid711 @buckysbeloved @lyn-lc @spawn0fsatan @milestomaverick @teacactusworld @cherry-waved @ellabellabus07 @vitanileon @lam-ila @criminalyetminimal @whatlovegattado @queenbbarnes @yeehawnana @t-stark35 @thesunsetphantoms @danirose-0420 @callalily2000 @the-untamed-soul @shizzybarnaclee @bananaa @luvfurdogs @shalaniela @unordinare @and-claudia @lgg5989 @katiemcrae @elenavampire21 @joyfullyswimmingface @nyx2021 @cosm1cfae @ellabellabus07 @vane28282 @bittergomez @littlebadariell @tallrock35 @whotfatemywaffles @hoedameronsworld @aerangi @julia-marshal @uwiuwi

(also if you filled out the general taglist form/top gun taglist form and you're not on here, that means i couldn't tag you for some reason)

[kopilot-pop]

[Tired] pt.2

- Le Sserafim x 6thMember!Reader

Summary: After a harsh criticism from one of your teachers, you started to fall into a bad habit again. You started staying overnight at the company, your knees are always bruised, and you probably shouldn’t have 3 cans of Redbull everyday… Thankfully, your bandmates have easily recognized your behaviors and decided to put it to an end.

Warnings: overworking, self-hate, depression, suicidal intentions (very minor), fainting, hospital, needles,

a/n: sorry for the long wait. This is a bit shorter than I expected, but I hope you guys still enjoy.

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The horrendous amount of caffeine started to take a toll on you.

During one of the last practices for your comeback, Chaewon stared at you worriedly.

But you were too busy staring at your shaky hands to notice.

After chugging another can of Redbull, you finished the practice and finally turned on your phone. Several missed calls and notifications from your group’s chatroom covered your phone.

You didn’t have the energy to care.

You fell asleep on the couch in the practice room.

You have a comeback tomorrow after all.

-----

Furious is an understatement.

Chaewon is absolutely mad.

The 6 of you gathered at the studio for Music Bank on the day of the comeback. While getting ready with makeup and outfits, you could tell the girls wanted to talk to you but were too busy to.

When you all finally got up to the stage, the jittery feeling became more intense. As the second verse started your stomach started to churn, your throat closed up - you almost missed your lines-

and once again you couldn’t stop staring at your shaky hands with bloodshot eyes.

Until you froze.

Your eyes met Zuha’s. And you watched in slow motion as she ran towards you, barely catching your body before it hit the ground, and the spotlight in front of your eyes shut down.

-----

“…..ays-… y..… med…-”

You finally woke up with a pounding inside your head.

The moment you could blur out the bright light above your head, you could see Sakura’s face and feel the cool cloth on yours.

She was carefully wiping away the sweat on your head and quickly noticed your eyes open.

“Y/n! How are you feeling?”

At the same time, you could hear a loud crash on the other side of the room.

“Y/n unnie woke up?!”

“Y/N ARE YOU OKAY-”

“G..guys… calm down..”

The three younger girls ran up to you, seeming to have been lounging on the couch together.

Eunchae, with teary eyes, pulled you into a tight hug.

“Hey! She’s not stable yet!! Don’t push her around!!”

Your leader walked through the doors to pull down the three puppies from you.

“Thanks..”

After a few moments of awkward silence, Chaewon finally started.

“You passed out on stage Y/n.”

“Chaewon, don’t be too harsh.” Sakura tried her best to keep the situation calm.

“I know unnie- Y/n. You fainted due to malnutrition. When’s the last time you ate anything?”

“…I’m not sure..”

“Of course you’re not sure. The only thing you’ve been putting inside your body was energy drinks-”

“Unnie..”

“No- We were all thinking so I’m just gonna say it- We thought you were gonna die Y/n.”

She said it so matter-of-factly that you could almost laugh. Almost.

“Why would y-”

“You were barely home, working like a slave every fucking day, starving, and depending on pain meds- so yeah, OF COURSE WE THOUGHT THE WORSE!!”

You finally gained the courage to look up at her teary eyes.

“Do you understand the amount of fear I felt when I saw you drop to the ground yesterday?! How terrified we felt when you didn’t wake up when Yunjin screamed your name?!!”

“I-..”

“Kazuha carried you to the hospital because she was too scared that something might happen to you if she let go!! Can you even imagine being that scared?!”

You looked down at your lap, fiddling with the needle(IV drip) inside your hand. Sakura gently held your hand to stop you.

“That’s enough Chaewon.” She said.

She’s never stern, but this time she was. Sakura gave you this look, something just like the one your mother always gave you.

Worried, angry, but somehow warm.

“We were scared Y/n.. More than the fainting, I was scared of losing you just like last time…”

Last time? Oh yeah. You almost killed yourself during debut.

“We care about you. You know that. All 5 of us love and cherish you, sometimes even more than anybody else in the world. And watching you slowly fade away like that just…”

She started to choke up. It was rare to see her like that, so you instinctively shot out to pull her into a hug.

Holding onto you, as you might just fade away, Sakura softly sobbed into your shoulder.

When you felt another weight on your back, you turned around to see the youngest also snuggling into you. Probably the person you mostly didn't want to catch you in such a depressing state.

"I...I'm sorr-"

Yunjin, with the same teary face all the others choked out;

"It's not your fault."

She slid next to the edge of the bed, gently holding onto Sakura's hand right on top of yours.

"I wanted to be better. Good enough to stand by you guys. I just wanted to-" You felt the tears finally fall free from your eyes as Chaewon with the same frown (albeit a bit softer) held your face.

Gentle. God, they were all so gentle with you.

"You are. You are good enough. You are good."

Watching you sob out, Kazuha finally joined into the pile, right next to Yunjin as she dries your tears with her old sweater sleeves.

You let out another ugly cry as you feel the 5 girls' warmth trap you. You forgot that you were good enough. You forgot how loved you were.

But just like always, they were there to remind you once again.

"You're loved Y/n. By us, always."

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[venusandsaturnsrings]

Thoughts on Wriothesley?

I HAVE A LOT THANK YOU FOR ASKING!! cant wait for his bday so i have better art to use as a header… his bday is 3 days before mine >///< almost bday twins!!

synopsis: just a handful of general headcanons i have for him. some are relationship, some are just him!! ^u^

contains: some spoilers for his background, gn reader, trauma related hcs, substance mention, and kink mentions.

wrio is the kind of guy to dance around subjects he has no interest in sharing. he won’t outright tell you not to ask and instead twist it back to you. a lot of “well, what do you think?” or “hm… have you checked with others?” it’s polite but also frustrating at times.

you may think he’s a dog person but he’s actually a cat kind of guy!! i can see him liking dogs for practical purposes but he enjoys cats more because he bonds better with them. what’s better than a cup of tea and a happy cat purring in your lap?

can shotgun any beverage no problem.

he collects tea obviously but he also collects mugs to go with them!! big cabinet!! if you’re ever stumped on what to get him as a gift, you can’t go wrong with a cute mug and tea.

can’t play any instruments and feels a bit insecure about it?? wrio feels like he should have some extra talents or hobbies such as music but he can’t play anything and doesn’t know where to start!! please teach him!!

his favourite dates are ones spent in secluded areas of the over world. on beaches or in small towns, he just likes being away from work and in privacy with you.

wrio does expect you to understand and accept his job. if you’re not okay with the way he runs things or prioritizes then, even if it hurts him, he’ll let you go the other way.

he’s not opposed to suggestions or changing the way things run but, if you want him to restructure everything or quit, then he’s saying goodbye.

MELTS for massages. between being hunched over a desk and boxing, he’s sore constantly. please massage him!!

his primary love language to give is words of affirmation. if you’re ever feeling insecure or unsure of something, wrio is quick to step in and praise you for the smallest things.

his favourite love language to receive is, somewhat surprisingly, physical touch.

he isn’t big on being touched in general or into the beginning of your relationship (part of the ptsd related to his past) but once he’s comfortable, he’ll perk up at even a graze of your fingertips. very much a deprived victorian maiden.

on the topic of his past i do see him as having ptsd. when he was younger, he had oppositional defiance disorder and struggled a lot with containing those emotions before and after his parents. being in prison i think it’s likely he had some substance problems at one point, alcohol or benzodiazepines maybe, but he’s gotten clean!!

i think he’s a total straight edge now except for smoking cigarettes. doesn’t drink or do any other drugs but just can’t seem to kick his smoking habit. he tries drinking tea instead of reaching for his cigs though!!

getting intimate… was a struggle for him at first.

it’s very vulnerable!! he isn’t a fan of that!! so you’ll have to take it slow with him at first.

once he’s warmed up to it and gotten into a rhythm with you, i see his top kinks being: restraints, receiving head/cock worship, creampies, spitting on you, and mild exhibitionism.

wrio has a solid length but is significantly girthy!! it’s a tough fit at first and your jaw always hurts sucking him off :(( but he gives you a good face fucking!! plus it means he can plug you full of cum real well!!

he’s got a teeny tiny secret idea about sharing you with neuvillette but shhh don’t tell him i told you…

[h0nology]

Falling For You

Miles finally takes you swinging with him

warnings: fluff, reader puts herself in danger (once), talk of family issues, not proofread

it was around 1am when your phone woke you up out your sleep, you were about to ignore it, figuring it wasn’t anything important until it dinged again. and again.

it was your best friend, miles.

you quickly hopped out of bed, knowing that if you didn’t you would’ve fallen back asleep. you wipe the sleep from your eyes, yawning as you unlocked the window and then plopped back down on your bed.

part of you wondered why miles was coming over so late. he’s never came over this late, let alone ask you to unlock your window. the other part of you was nervous, not too far into your friendship you had developed a big crush on miles. you tried to deny it at first, push it to the side and try to forget about it. but your feelings for him were too strong, and everytime you guys hung out it just got stronger.

you knew having a crush on your best friend wouldn’t end well, it never did. the second he finds out you like him, the friendship is awkward and pretty much over.

you were snapped out your thoughts when you saw his figure outside your window, quietly opening the window and falling into your room.

“hey, i’m sorry if i woke you up.” his voice was groggy, “can i crash here tonight?”

“yeah, is everything okay?” you asked.

he had a sullen look on his face, somewhat slouching over as he stood there.

“it’s a long story that i’ll tell in the morning. i just want to shower and sleep.”

“okay, that’s fair. let me grab you a towel and wash cloth.”

he enters the bathroom as you crept out to the hallway closet, quietly opening and closing the door trying not to wake up your household. you made your way back in your room, entering the now stuffy bathroom and placing down the towel.

“here!” you throw the washcloth into the shower, “thank you.” he slightly chuckles as you walk out the bathroom and shut the door.

you plopped down on your bed, pulling the covers over your body. you wanted to stay up and wait for miles to come out the bathroom but your eyes grew heavy as soon as your head hit the pillow. and next thing you know, you were drifting into your slumber.

˚₊𓆩༺🕷༻𓆪₊˚

when you woke up you weren’t expecting for miles to be right next to you, giving you no room to roll over and stretch. he was even under the same blanket as you, the blanket barely covering him since you’re known to hog the blanket.

“good afternoon.” miles yawns next to you, eyes still closed.

“how’d you know i was awake?” you raise a brow, “must be the spidey senses.” he shrugs, chuckling soon after.

“ok shutup.” you laugh, getting out the bed and walking towards your bathroom.

wow. so that happened. first sleepover with your best friend/crush. you were so ready to tell the group chat about this.

once you started brushing your teeth, miles joined you in the bathroom. washing his face and brushing his teeth with the extra toothbrush you had. once you two finished, you both made your way towards your living room. the house was empty so miles decided to turn on some music, his random ass playlist blaring through your speaker.

“so you gonna tell me why you showed up to my house past midnight?” you plopped down on your couch, “before you start interrogating me, can we at least eat?” he plops down next to you.

“i’ll order us something, there’s nothing in there.” you grabbed your phone, “now get to talking.”

“you didn’t even ask me what i wanted!”

“pasta! you always get pasta!” you say, you don’t understand his obsession.

“okay but which kind?” he raised his brow at you, a smirk creeping up on his face.

he’s stalling.

“talk, miles.” you look at him.

the smirk disappears from his face as he lets out a sigh, “my parents have been having some issues lately, so i just felt comfortable coming here instead of going home, plus i just knew that it would be peaceful here, with you of course.”

you didn’t know what you were expecting to hear, but it wasn’t that. that wasn’t really like his parents, they rarely argued with each other—well, at least you thought.

“i’m glad you feel comfortable here…” you slightly smile, “are you okay?”

“yeah. i just feel like i’m stuck in the middle of it. i just want to see my parents get along again, you know?“ he shook his head, for a second it looked like he was about to cry.

“miles? don’t cry.” you scooted closer to him, bringing him in your embrace, “i’m sure they’ll work out whatever it is they have going on.”

“you’re right, it’s not even my situation.” he pinched in between his eyes, “well, they are your parents so it’s okay to be emotional about it…” you tell him.

“i guess you’re right...” he sighs, sitting up.

“i’m always right.” you joke as the sound of the doorbell went off, “foods here!”

you pick the food up from the doormat and place the bag on the table, miles immediately opening it and taking out his pasta. you sat at the table with him and started eating your burrito, the both of you sitting in silence as you devoured your food.

“so…. i have a question.” you trailed off, you’ve always wanted to ask him this but for some reason was too nervous to.

“wassup?”

“and you can say no if you want!” you assured him, “alright well that depends n what it is.” he laughs, “just ask it already." he was growing impatient.

“can you take me swinging with you?” you blurted out, “and by take me i mean i clutch onto you as you swing across the city…”

"you being for real right now?" he looks at you, “why?”

he was amused by your request, he wasn’t at all expecting for you to ask him that.

“i just wanna see how it feels.” you shrug, your cheeks hot as ever.

“uh…okay, yeah i’ll take you.” he shrugs, “really?” your face lit up.

“yeah.” he chuckles, finishing up his pasta, “let me change into my suit real quick.” he gets up from the table and disappears down the hall.

the suit. you remember the first time you saw him in it. you couldn’t believe your eyes but you also couldn’t help but admire how good he looked in it.

while he changed you grabbed a jacket out the closet and threw on your shoes, waiting for him to come down. once he did it only took you two a couple minutes to make it to the roof of your building.

“you sure you wanna do this?” miles looks at you as he steps onto the ledge.

“positive.” you smile up at him.

he smiled back, pulling you up on the ledge with him. he wrapped his arm around your waist as your arms wrapped around his neck, and without a warning you two were free falling. you couldn’t even process what he was doing, one minute you were swinging up, then going down again. your face was buried in his neck, you were too scared to even look at anything.

“hey! you wanted to do this, the least you can do is actually look!” miles yells over the wind, “i promise i wont let anything happen to you. you’ll never hit the ground when i’m around.”

his words somewhat reassured you, peeking your eye open as he swung around a building.

“one, that was corny.” you yell, “two, you really wouldn’t let me fall?”

“of course not.”

you two continued to swing, you had eventually opened both of your eyes, taking in the scenery around you. after a while he began to speed up slightly, the wind blowing against your hair harder now. you almost felt like falling a few times, but miles kept a firm grip onto you, never letting you slip once.

when you saw that you two were approaching the brooklyn bridge you had two thoughts. one, how did we get here so fast and the second probably wasn’t the best idea but you wanted to test out a theory, was miles really going to keep his word? you didn’t even give it a second thought, as soon as you two swung on the side of the bridge your grip on miles loosened and in a matter of seconds you were free falling.

miles looks back sharply at you when he feels your weight suddenly disappear.

"hey, hey, hey!" you could hear the panic in his voice.

okay maybe this was a bad idea.

please catch me. please catch me. please catch me.

you don’t know how he did it, but he had reached you right before you hit the water.

"mami what in the world is wrong with you?! ¿eres estúpido?! what if i didn't catch you?" he spoke quickly as he held you tight in his arms once again, continuing to swing, “you promised you’d never let me fall.” you breathe out.

"that was under the assumption that you would never jump out of my grasp! you’re crazy!" he continued to scold you like you were a child.

okay yeah that was stupid, but a little fun…

“never do that again.”

“i’m sorry.” you chuckled, “and your laughing.” he sighs, you didn’t even have to see his face to know he was rolling his eyes.

you two swung around for a bit longer, before stopping for a break after a while. he landed on top of a building, where you had a perfect view of the sunset. you two sat on the ledge of the building, feet dangling as you looked at the city in front of you.

“that was…” miles started, “fun.” you finished his sentence.

“yeah, it was.” he chuckles, “better with you by my side.”

your cheeks heated up at his comment. you couldn’t even bring yourself to reply, just sitting there with a slight smile on your face. was this the right time to tell him? to just get it over with and see what he says?

“i’m glad to have shared it with you.” you finally spoke, “well what other spider-man do you know that you can do that with?” he joked.

all you could do was playfully roll your eyes at him.

“i’m kidding!” he laughs, pulling you into his side, so your head was now resting on his shoulder and his arm was wrapped around you, rubbing your arm.

now was the moment, if you were reading the signs right.

“miles, i-i have something i wanna tell you.”

okay that was the easier part, but now you have to tell him.

“what’s up?”

you took a deep breath, it’s now or never. what’s the worst that can happen? he says he doesn’t feel the same way and you jump off the building? (not really yall ssksksk) he stops rubbing your arm, pulling out of the embrace to look at your face.

“what is it?” he was starting to sound worried.

“i like you, miles.” you blurted out. that wasn’t as smooth as you wanted it to be but it had to do.

miles goes silent as he hears those words come out of your mouth. he doesn’t even know what to say, he just stares at you in shock.

"you do?" was all he said, the smile grew on his face, almost making it look goofy.

“uh yeah, that’s what i just said.” you say.

the boy was flabbergasted. so many emotions ran through him at the moment…shock, excitement and happiness. your sentence just completely changed his world.

"i...i like you too..." he was a bit overwhelmed but was trying to play it cool, “i've been in denial about my feelings for so long, but...i can't lie to myself anymore."

your heart was in your stomach.

“oh. wow, i wasn’t expecting this.” you chuckled nervously, “yeah, me either.” he says.

“so….” you trailed off.

“does this make us a couple now?” he looks at you.

when you envisioned someone asking you out you never would’ve thought it’d be your best friend while you two sat on the ledge of building.

“i guess it does…”

[munsonsduchess]

Monster Smash

summary: you meet eddie at a house party and the night takes an unexpected turn warnings: underage drinking, recreational drug use (weed), face sitting, oral (f receiving), semi public sex (eddie and the reader are in a room at a frat house during a party) w/c: 977 a/n: surprise bitch! another halloween fic! honestly with the amount of ghostface content on tiktok these days it was kind of inevitable we'd end up here, i was originally just going to post the other halloween fic but this one wouldn't leave me alone

It was Halloween and you were having the worst time. You didn’t know anyone at this party your roommate had dragged you to, citing that you needed to get out more, the drinks were shit, the music was shit, honestly you were tempted to just sneak out the back door of this frat house and claim you’d met somebody if your roommate asked the next day. 

You sighed and took another drink from your lukewarm beer and pulled at the hem of the black dress you were wearing. Usually you didn’t feel self conscious in the things you picked for yourself but being, less petite, than some of your peers and wearing something your roommate had picked out so you could both wear matching costumes (you got to be the bad witch) in a room full of obnoxious frat bros made you feel slightly … less confident than normal. 

You were about to cut and run when a guy appeared in front of you wearing a Ghostface Costume,

“What’s your favourite scary movie?”

“The Exorcist, 1973. A masterpiece in horror cinema” you responded without thinking. You hadn’t actually expected anyone to talk to you, after being basically ignored all night

“That’s, yeah that’s a really good pick” the guy pulled his mask off and you found yourself looking into the face of the local weed guy, Eddie Munson. 

Everyone you knew, yourself included, bought their weed from Eddie. His stuff was guaranteed to be the best and not laced with anything it shouldn’t be,

“It’s the line from the homeless guy in the subway ‘can you help an old altar boy father’ and then later on when they’re in Regan’s bedroom and she says the same thing in the same voice. Chills. Literal chills” 

“Such a good movie. They don’t make movies like that anymore, y’know? Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Rosemary’s Baby” 

“Have you seen X? Or Pearl? They have the same kinda vibes but are totally modern movies” 

“I’ve seen X. Massive Texas Chainsaw vibes” 

“Right!” 

You ended up finding a quiet corner with Eddie where the two of you could talk about horror movies for the rest of the evening. You’d honestly never really found anyone who loved horror the way you did so it was amazing to be able to vibe with someone like this. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ 👻 ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The party raged on into the wee hours and by now both you and Eddie were feeling the effects of the beer and few joints you’d shared. You were feeling pleasantly buzzed and enjoying the attention of an attractive man, even if it wouldn’t go anywhere. 

“It’s so cool that you’re into horror, most people get freaked out or maybe enjoy those like conjuring movies”

“Ugh. The Warrens are the absolute worst, by all accounts they just scam people and then use their stories to write books and make more money” you gestured widely around the room, “how fucked is that?”

“Totally fucked” Eddie agreed 

“You know I almost didn’t come tonight but my roommate kinda forced me to” 

“Remind me to send your roommate a fruit basket or something as thanks then” Eddie said, “cause this is definitely a way better night than I thought it was gonna be”

“It’s so cool to meet a friend tonight” you agreed, “but aren’t you like ‘working’ the party?” 

Eddie laughed and you had to admit you loved the sound. You wondered if he would want to still be friends after the party was over,

“You’re cute. I mean sure it’s great talking like this but honestly, I saw you standing on your own and seriously couldn’t understand why cause just the sight of you in that dress had all the blood in my body run south. I mean, the fact that you’re awesome on top of being drop dead hot is a bonus”

Your brain short circuited for a moment and you couldn’t quite believe what you were hearing,

“So, you wanna get a room?” 

“Absolutely I do”

Eddie smirked wickedly at you before helping you off the couch and pulling you behind him to the main staircase and along a corridor to an empty room. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ 👻 ⋅.} ───── ⊰

“Sit on my face, come on” Eddie grinned at you, taking one of your hands and pulling you towards the bed. 

You followed the tug and threw one leg over the bed and balanced on your knees. Before you could even try to think about how much weight to bear down you felt Eddie grab your hips and pull you down onto his face forcefully. 

There was no way you could focus on anything but the way Eddie licked into you hungrily. His hands on your hips dug into the flesh there and you threw your head back with the intense feelings, moaning loudly. 

“Oh my god Eddie”

Beneath you Eddie made a muffled noise which you assumed was positive since he didn’t stop what he was doing for even a moment. 

You wondered briefly how he could breathe but the thought left your mind as quickly as it had arrived when Eddie’s nose brushed against your clit and you saw stars. 

Eddie continued to suck and lick you through your orgasm and the aftershocks, the oversensitivity made you want to pull away but Eddie held you firm coaxing yet another orgasm from you until your legs began to shake. Only then did he allow you to pull away and catch your breath,

“Holy shit” you panted, trying to regain some of your self control,

“That’s only the warm up act baby. It’s just you and me and no one is gonna hear you when you scream my name as loud as you want to” 

This was definitely a way better night than you’d thought it would be when your roommate forced you out tonight. 

After all what was Halloween without a few screams?

[honeybeefae]

Finding Home (Lucien Vanserra x Reader)

Summary// Lucien had always felt like he was a wandering soul, never having a true place to call home. It was hard to deal with, to see others belonging and happy while he tried to find something to cling to that gave him the same feeling. It wasn’t until Starfall, when you gifted him something truly special, that he finally found out where he belonged. 

(Poor little Lucien needs all the love in the world and I thought he was perfect for this prompt. I hope you enjoy!:))

Prompt: Character A gifts Character B something heartfelt.

WARNINGS: None

Lucien sat with everyone at Rita’s as they passed drinks around, conversation flowing easily between them. Well, all except him. He was at the very edge of the table, fiddling with his glass of amber liquid while looking towards the door every few seconds. 

He didn’t even understand why he went to these things. Feyre always invited him but he constantly felt like he was intruding on them. No one really talked to him besides maybe once or twice, too engrossed with their friends and mates to notice that he was still there. 

And while he liked to think of himself above the need to have friends, deep down he was lonely. Tamlin was lost, his brothers were monsters, Feyre was busy with her own life, and he didn’t connect with any of the others besides acquaintances. 

It was the same day in and day out, leaving him wondering if he truly belonged nowhere, until you joined their group. You were a friend of Nesta’s that ran a local bookshop in Velaris, your cheerful demeanor making it easy for you to fall in with the rest of them. He had expected to simply exchange pleasantries with him and move on but for whatever reason, you latched onto him.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late! Took forever to close up shop.” You apologized as you walked in the door, breaking him from his thoughts as several people greeted you warmly. “Have I missed anything?”

“Not much, Cassian and Rhys are seeing who can outdrink each other while Nesta is already showing both of them up. I think Azriel and Elain are out dancing?” Feyre shrugged, handing you a spare drink. “Other than that it’s been a pretty tame night.”

“For once.” You wink at her, looking over and finding Lucien sitting by himself. He perks up when you drag a chair over beside him, clinking your glasses together with a smile.

“And how is my favorite fox doing?” You chirped, taking a sip and enjoying the warm burn the alcohol gave you.

Lucien rolled his eye, his body immediately relaxing in your presence. “Better now that I’ve got someone interesting to talk to.” He replied, noting the way your cheeks slightly pinkened. 

“It’s not my fault you refuse to play nice with any of the others. Perhaps if you stopped brooding away in a corner, people might actually approach you.” You teased with a wink, looking around the bar casually. “Hells, you’d be surprised at the people you can pick up from this place.”

“Oh, you know something about that, do you? And here I thought you were a spinster content with books and cats.”

You stuck your tongue at his jest, hitting his arm playfully. “I know more than you think I do, thank you very much.”

There was a tension that was now swirling between the two of you, the conversation taking on a much more suggestive tone that was about to cross a line of no return. He stared at you, trying to not let his imagination run wild right in front of you before you awkwardly cleared your throat and looked away.

“So, are you looking forward to Starfall?” You changed the subject quickly, taking another sip.

“Uh, I guess?” Lucien responded hesitantly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking out the window at the night sky. “Not so much for the party.”

“Oh, that’s the best part! The music, the food, the atmosphere, it’s enchanting. I haven’t met anyone that didn’t enjoy it.”

“It’s just not for me. I don’t fit in with the rest of them that enjoy it.”

Your mouth twisted into a frown at his words, a look of pity in your eyes. He saw it and scoffed, looking at you sternly and saying, “Don’t give me that look, Y/N. I don’t need your pity.”

“It wasn’t pity, Lucien, I just hate that you feel that way. You know it’s not true.” You said earnestly, placing your hand over his in a moment of tenderness. “I think you just need-”

“I don’t need anything, Y/N. I’m perfectly happy as I am.” He snapped, looking away when you flinched at his tone. “Sure, after Jurian and Vassa became a thing and I got kicked out, I was once again by myself, but apparently that’s just how the Mother wants me to be. I can deal with that, I don’t need sympathy.”

His words were harsh and he didn’t mean half of them, he just had a hard time whenever someone felt sorry for him like he was some sort of lost child. It hurt his pride and it reminded him that despite his protests, that’s exactly what he was. No home to return to, no family to miss him, and some nights he would just yearn for someone out there to care about him.

It made him feel pathetic, to want something like that.

You weren’t entirely buying his macho act. Anyone that had been through what he had been through would feel at least some pain from it. And although you hadn’t known Lucien as long as the rest of your friends, you knew he struggled with it.

However, you didn’t want to push him anymore tonight, raising your hands in surrender before finishing the rest of your drink. He watched you carefully, feeling guilt gnaw at him from the way he had attacked you for simply being concerned. 

“I’m sorry.” You apologized, standing up to go join the rest of your friends who were now dancing. “I didn’t mean to overstep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He wanted to hit himself over the head when you walked away, feeling like the world's biggest asshole. This was the reason he didn’t have anybody in his life, this was the reason people didn’t stay with him long. It wasn’t the cauldron cursing him, it was his own damn self. 

The music was loud as he gathered his things and left the club, looking back just long enough to catch you chatting up a man at the bar before forcing himself to leave to go back to his apartment. He was already dreading tomorrow.

Starfall, House of Wind

It was crowded and loud, full of people he didn’t know as he lounged against a balcony rail. The sky was already dark as well as the rest of the city, everyone gathered around as they impatiently waited for the souls to rain across the sky.

You hadn’t shown up yet, not that he should be looking for you after what he said to you. Feyre and Rhys had given him a cordial welcome, as well as Cassian, but other than that he was by himself. As the minutes ticked by he started to contemplate just going home and watching it from his window.

That was until he felt a warm hand slide down his arm, making him turn in surprise. You were leaning beside him, one of your arms tucked behind your back and a coy smile on your lips.

“Being a wallflower again, Lucien?” You teased, goosebumps rising on your arms from the chilly air. “It took me a while to find you.”

“Y/N, I didn’t think you would show up.” He breathed, standing up to fully face you. “I wanted to apologize for last night, what I said was harsh and-”

“Hush, I don’t want to hear you grovel to me. You’ll ruin Starfall.” You said sternly, moving your arm from behind your back to reveal what you were hiding. It was a small yellow box, with a ribbon tied delicately on top. It fit in the palm of your hand and Lucien was very confused.

“Who is that for?” He questioned, glancing around to see if anyone else was exchanging gifts. “Is it someone’s birthday?”

You huffed in frustration, grabbing his hand and prying it open before laying the box in it. “It’s for you. Honestly, how you are an emissary is beyond me.” The jab made him smirk, his fingers holding the box as if it were made of glass.

“You got me a gift?”

“It’s a Starfall gift. Some people give gifts to their loved ones, some don’t, it’s a personal preference.” You shrug, anxiously looking between him and the box. “Open it!’

Lucien stared at it, processing what you had just said. Loved ones. Was that what he was to you? Or was he reading too much into it? Would it be awkward to ask you that now? He suddenly felt like a schoolboy again, afraid to talk to the pretty girl in front of him. 

He gave you one last cautious glance before slowly undoing the bow on top, tucking it into his coat pocket before softly opening the box. 

It was a small key, made of light bronze with an intricate design on the top. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, trying to figure out what it was too. You bit down on your lip, hoping the dots would connect, but when he just stood there staring you groaned loudly.

“It’s a key to my house, Lucien.” You explain, grinning from ear to ear when his mouth dropped open. “I thought it would be nice for you to have somewhere to go to if you didn’t want to go back to the apartment.”

The silence was deafening and suddenly you were worried you had just completely screwed up your relationship. He was just standing there, staring at the key, and as the seconds ticked by your anxiety grew.

“If it’s too weird or you don’t like it you can tell me, it won’t hurt my feelings you.” You said softly, wrapping your arms around yourself as he continued to be speechless. “It’s a stupid gift, here I can take it-”

Suddenly you found yourself being crushed into his chest, his arms wrapping around tightly in a hug that immediately made you relax. Lucien’s heart was overflowing with different emotions, his mind trying to sort through it all as he held you as close as possible.

You had given him a key to your home, your life practically, inviting him to share it with you. Even though he had pushed you away and put up that barrier, you had seen right through him. You had just given him a home.

Lucien pulled back and looked down into your eyes, tilting your chin up so that you could see just how happy he was with your gift. “Y/N, you have no idea how much this means.”

A blush crept onto your face as you smiled bashfully. “I just wanted you to know that no matter what, you had a home to go back to. Everyone needs that.”

People around you gasped and you turned to look out into the sky, cheering when the first few souls raced across the sky. It was just as beautiful as you remember, your entire body leaning forward as the souls grew and grew until the entire sky was lit up. 

The music started up shortly after that, people dancing and glasses clinking as the celebration began. You didn’t notice how Lucien was staring at you, watching as you stared in amazement into the sky.

“I mean, how can you not think this is heavenly?” You sigh, resting your chin on your hand as you looked at him. “This is why I love Starfall.” 

He looked out towards the black, inky night and took it all in. The souls, the music, your gift, you, it was like he was in a dream. Lucien bent down beside you, taking your same position, and nudged your shoulder with his as he said, “I think I’m starting to love it too.”

[allmoshnobrain]

𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 02 of ? | masterpost

word count: 3.3k

You didn’t want to dwell on it, on how your life was like a museum of places your family had been but weren’t anymore. Even something as simple as a spot you used to frequent as a kid was now just a distant memory. When your gaze met his, you found nothing but understanding there.

✦ warnings and tags: jason newsted x reader, age gap (23/38), no use of y/n, slow burn, grumpy/sunshine dynamics maybe?, reader has a backstory and it's kinda tragic, a bit of angst, eventual smut in future parts

✦ a/n: part 2 is finally here! i hope my portrayal of a small town is at least a bit accurate lol i know nothing about American towns, so I based it around what I usually see in fiction and also my personal life living in a small town growing up. also, jason and reader are still getting to know each other, but you can expect things to heat up a bit soon 🖤 hope you guys enjoy the read!

Jason never thought waking up in a quiet place would feel so weird. 

Maybe it was to be expected. After living in LA for so long, he'd gotten used to the constant noise — cars, loud neighbors, all that chaos that comes with city life. When he opened his eyes that Sunday morning, he spent a few minutes trying to figure out what was off. Then it hit him: it was the silence.

Jason was never one to laze around in bed after waking up, so after giving himself five more minutes under the covers, he got up to brush his teeth and stretch a bit. The house was still quite a mess, with cardboard boxes all over the place, and he grunted softly, thinking about the unpacking day that awaited him. 

At least he didn’t have anything else to worry about for the next few days, or weeks, or months. No dealing with packed schedules and tours, no getting his ideas shot down at the studio, no interviews, photoshoots, or autograph sessions. 

Just him, his new house, and his music.

After heading downstairs and pouring himself the last bit of yesterday's coffee, Jason’s mind couldn't help but drift back to you. He wondered if you’d have followed his advice, and if you’d be hungover right now. You’d been so kind to him the day before, and he thought maybe it’d be nice to return the favor and check up on you. Plus, he needed to return your baking tray and coffee pot anyway. Which reminded him — he still had a few pieces of your brownie left.

He opened the fridge and grabbed the tray, munching on one of the brownies while he rummaged through a cardboard box for some kitchen utensils. Your brownie was soft but dense, with a strong chocolate taste and a crisp shell that was just amazing. She must be really good at cooking, he thought, a bit impressed. Even though Jason could take care of himself, cooking definitely wasn’t one of his talents.

He finally found a plate and put the remaining brownies on it before washing your stuff. Once everything was nice and clean, he quickly went back upstairs to change his clothes, then headed over to your house and rang the doorbell.

It didn’t take you long to answer. Your eyes lit up with excited surprise when you saw him, and a smile spread across your lips. You were wearing a pretty little dress, your cheeks slightly flushed and breathing a bit fast, making him wonder if you had rushed downstairs to answer the door.

“Good morning,” you smiled, and he cleared his throat, suddenly aware he’d been staring at you a bit too long.

“Hey,” he said, his voice still a bit rough from yesterday’s tiredness. “Uh... I brought back your stuff.”

“Oh, thanks,” you said, quickly taking the baking tray and coffee pot from his hands.

“So, you’re feeling okay? No hangovers?” he asked with a soft smile. You blushed a bit, probably still embarrassed about last night, but shook your head with a small smile.

“No hangovers. Took a long, warm bath and drank a lot of water, just like you said,” you giggled, and he chuckled. “Sorry about last night, by the way.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, then hesitated. He knew he should get back to unpacking, but he couldn’t help but think he should return your kindness from the day before somehow. If Jason was any good at cooking, he might have invited you over for lunch, but he knew he couldn’t cook anything that wasn’t too plain for a guest. “So, do you know of any cool restaurants around? I’d like to treat you to a meal, you know, as thanks for the brownies and the coffee. They really saved my day.”

“Did you like it?” you asked, excitement shining in your eyes as you smiled. Jason nodded, a small smile on his lips. “Oh, I’m so happy! I don’t know if there are any restaurants open today, though. Everybody’s at church or at home, but Joe’s Diner might be open if we’re lucky.”

“Well, I don’t know much about the town yet, but we can head over there for lunch if you’d like.”

“Oh, anything beats staying home all day,” you joked, and he wondered how many Sundays you'd spent alone since losing your parents. A knot twisted uncomfortably in his stomach, but he pushed it aside. He didn’t want to pity you, but he couldn’t help feeling a need to protect you, to shield you from a grief you shouldn’t be facing at such a young age.

If taking you out to lunch could help, then he was glad he'd invited you.

“Okay, then,” he said. “I’ll get back to unpacking my stuff, but we could grab my car later and head to the diner. Pick you up at one?”

“One? You sure eat late,” you frowned, and he chuckled.

“How about half past noon?”

“That’s better,” you smiled.

“Alright. See you in a bit,” he replied, a smile spreading across his face to match your excited one.

☆

Jason showed up right on time at your door, wearing jeans and a black t-shirt, his short brown hair neatly combed. You had swapped your dress for jeans too, pairing them with a cute black tank top.

"Hey, we’re matching," you said when you saw him. He blinked, looking a bit confused before noticing you were both wearing pretty much the same thing.

"We really are. Want me to change or something?" he asked, a soft smile matching the warmth of his blue eyes. 

“No way. You look good,” you replied, making him chuckle softly. 

"Well, you look awesome too. Let's go, then, I'm starving," he said as he walked to his car, a big, black pickup truck. You raised your eyebrows, curious; the truck was brand new and clearly expensive, totally different from the battered old pickups you usually saw around town. Money clearly wasn't as tight for Jason as it was for you, which only made you more intrigued about him.

You walked over to his car and hopped into the passenger seat, feeling a bit hesitant. Being in a car still felt weird after the accident that took your parents' lives, but you didn't want to turn down Jason's kindness. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart and dry mouth.

"You alright?" Jason asked, his blue eyes studying your face with a curious look. You nodded, forcing a smile to hide your discomfort.

"Just hungry."

The ride to Joe’s Diner was calm and nice. You showed Jason the way to Main Street and then to the diner, pointing out all the shops and spots you thought he might like. Jason was easy to talk to; he seemed genuinely interested in what you were showing him and in getting to know Oak Ridge better, which made you happier than you expected. You usually warmed up to people quickly, and his calm, laid-back nature was a pleasant surprise, a nice balance to your eagerness to help and please.

"There it is," you said as you both pulled up to Joe’s Diner and Jason looked for a place to park. The place was a small, old building with red brick walls. A neon sign displayed the name of the diner, but the lights were off since it was still daytime. A small "open" sign hung from the glass door, and you sighed with relief. Joe didn’t always open up on Sundays; Oak Ridge was a quiet place, even quieter on weekends, but as your stomach rumbled softly, you were just glad it was open. "It’s not much, but I swear the food is awesome."

"I can’t wait to try it," Jason smiled, and you giggled softly before hopping out of the car.

The first thing that hit you when you opened the diner’s door was the mouthwatering smell of fresh-brewed coffee and sizzling bacon. You stepped onto the black-and-white checkered floor, smiling softly as an AC/DC song played on the old jukebox by the window. The place was empty, except for Maggie, Joe’s wife, behind the counter in her pale blue dress and white apron. She smiled when she saw you, her eyes flickering with curiosity when she noticed your company. Her graying hair shone like silver in the warm sunlight streaming through the windows.

“Go grab a table; I’m just gonna say hi to Maggie,” you told Jason, and he nodded, picking a spot to sit. You sauntered over to the counter, a warm smile spreading across your face. “Hey, Maggie. Where’s Joe?”

“Oh, hello, dear. Joe’s in the kitchen,” she said, smiling as she grabbed a mug and poured you some coffee. You wrapped your hands around the mug, savoring the warmth. “Who’s that handsome stranger over there? Family?”

“Oh, that’s Mr. Newsted. He bought the house right next to mine — the one that used to be Mr. Parson’s,” you explained. “I’m just showing him around town.”

“You’re such a good girl,” she said warmly, glancing over your shoulder at Jason before leaning in and whispering, “If he does anything weird, you tell me or Mrs. Fischer, alright?”

“Thanks, Maggie, but he seems nice,” you chuckled.

“I know he does, but you’re a young girl living all by yourself… We look out for each other around here, so if you need anything, just let me know,” she said.

"Well, I think I'm gonna need a cup of your wonderful coffee for Mr. Newsted over there," you grinned. "And you know I'm gonna want that delicious meatloaf with fries on the side again, right?"

"Sure thing, honey. Just go sit down with your friend, and I'll bring it over in a jiffy. Oh, and..." Maggie hesitated, and you raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "I know you might not want to hear this, but... Ethan's been asking around about you. Said he wants to see you if you ever showed up. I'm sorry, babe. I know you don't want to hear about him, but I figured you should know," she finished, apologetically.

"It's alright, Maggie. Thanks for letting me know. But I'm not... I really don't want to see him right now," you said, trying to muster a smile despite the annoyance creeping into your mood at Maggie's words — not at her, but at Ethan, your ex-boyfriend. You were getting tired of his persistent attempts to contact you, even though you'd made it clear you were done with him. "Sorry he bothered you with this."

"Oh, honey, it's not your fault. He really messed things up with you," Maggie replied as she refilled your mug with fresh coffee and poured another cup for Jason. "Don't stress about it, alright? Just enjoy your lunch. I'm sure things will work out."

You gave Maggie a soft smile, taking both coffee mugs and making your way to the table Jason had picked out. It was right by the window, sunlight streaming in through the red curtains and casting gentle patterns on the wooden tabletop.

"Hey. Brought coffee," you grinned, sliding into the seat opposite Jason, who was deep in concentration studying the menu. He looked up, returning your smile and reaching for the coffee mug.

"Thanks, dear," he said appreciatively, and you felt a slight blush creep onto your cheeks at the casual way he used the nickname. He offered you the menu. "You wanna pick?"

"Oh, I already know what I'm getting. How about you?" you asked.

"I think I'm gonna go for the cheeseburger with fries on the side," he replied, taking a slow sip of his coffee. "And how about dessert later? I noticed they've got apple pie. We could split a slice."

"Sounds good," you smiled.

Before long, Maggie swung by your table to take your orders. You properly introduced her to Jason, and as they chatted, it became clear that being a people person was definitely part of his personality. While Maggie seemed a bit wary at first — typical Oak Ridge resident behavior around newcomers — soon enough, she was chatting and laughing with Jason as if they were old pals.

"So," you began as we waited for your lunch to arrive, "what are your plans for the week? You gonna hunt for a job or anything?"

"Oh, no, thank God," Jason smiled, shaking his head softly, and you giggled. "I'm just gonna start composing some new music, I reckon. Wanna give solo work a shot this time."

"This time?" you asked, intrigued. "You mentioned you were in a band, right? What was that like?"

"Messy," he replied, with a slight frown. You blinked, trying to decipher the expression on his face. He looked troubled, but you knew it wasn't directed at you, which made you wonder what could have driven him to leave his old band. "That's why I needed to be somewhere quieter, I suppose."

"Was it really that rough?" you asked in a hushed tone. He met your gaze, taking in your concerned expression and offering you a reassuring smile.

"It wasn't all bad. For one, it lined my pockets enough to do whatever I pleased after I left," he chuckled. "But... We had our share of issues. Eventually, it all became too much, so I had to step back."

"Oh, I'm sorry," you whispered, and he chuckled with a smile.

"Don't sweat it. I'm happier now that I'm out of that mess. Plus, I got to meet the coolest neighbor ever," he joked, and you laughed softly. "I just... I wanna start fresh, you know? Glad I could give myself the chance."

Your conversation was briefly interrupted as Maggie brought your food — cheeseburger and fries for Jason and your beloved meatloaf with some Coke for drinks. You chatted quietly as you dug into our meal, saving room for Maggie's apple pie, which you devoured soon after. Jason insisted on paying for the whole meal, and after a bit of back-and-forth and him reminding you it was his idea to treat you in the first place, you agreed.

As you headed back to his car, an idea popped into your head — there was somewhere you hadn’t shown Jason yet.

“Hey, can we take a little detour before heading home?” you asked as you settled back in the passenger seat. “There’s somewhere I want to show you.”

“Sure, let’s go,” Jason replied, and you smiled. You were starting to like how easygoing and open to your suggestions he was.

As you drove through Main Street, you pointed to a small street right next to the police station.

“Take this street over here,” you said, and Jason turned the car wheels. The few commercial buildings quickly gave way to houses, and then, as always happens if you follow a path in Oak Ridge long enough, the street turned into a dirt road surrounded by trees. Houses became more spread out, and soon you reached a fork in the road. One way led down to some farms and properties, the other up a small hill through a denser part of the woods. “We’re almost there, just go up this path,” you directed.

“Alright. You’re not gonna tell me where we’re going?” Jason asked with a small smile, his blue eyes glued to the road ahead. You giggled.

“You’ll see.”

You drove up the hill for a while on a narrow, twisty path that might’ve been tricky for an inexperienced driver, but Jason handled it just fine. Finally, after a few minutes of climbing, you reached the top, a little spot with a couple of pine trees and a wooden bench in the middle. Jason parked the car, and you hopped out.

“Come on,” you said with a smile, running up to the bench under the trees. Jason followed, grumbling about having to climb the rest of the way on foot. You laughed as a soft breeze messed up your hair. “Come on, old man, you can do it.”

“I’m trying. Sorry I don’t have your energy, kid,” he muttered with a mock-annoyed look. “I’m not used to the outdoors anymore.”

“I’m not a kid,” you huffed, and he laughed, a bit out of breath.

“And I’m not an old man,” he shot back.

“Well, you sure are looking like one. Don’t people in LA ever go for a walk?” you teased, and he laughed huskily. You grabbed his wrist. “Come see this.”

You both walked over to the wooden bench, and you turned to Jason, putting your hands on his shoulders before using him to help you climb up on the bench, standing on it.

“Careful,” Jason said, tensing up as he held your waist firmly, his rough palm brushing against the skin between your tank top and jeans. You chuckled, feeling warmth spread through you as your heart raced, his touch sparking a fire in your belly that you didn’t know could exist.

“I’m good,” you assured him, offering your hand to help him climb up onto the bench beside you. “Let’s go.”

“Do I really have to?” he joked, but he took your hand and pulled himself up with your help to stand on the bench next to you.

“Check it out,” you said, pointing downhill where the whole town sprawled out before you. From up here, you could pretty much see everything in the more urban part of Oak Ridge, which wasn’t all that big. Jason made a low impressed noise. “See over there? That’s Joe’s Diner,” you gestured to the red brick building that seemed tiny from this height. “And that’s the police station… And down there, in that tree-lined path, we can’t spot the houses from here, but that’s our street.”

“That’s awesome,” he murmured, his voice low as he took in all the sights you’d pointed out. “How’d you find this spot?”

“Just some hometown know-how,” you quipped, and he chuckled, his blue eyes meeting yours warmly. “Actually… My parents used to bring me here all the time. But I haven’t been in ages. It’s kinda tough to get here without wheels.”

“If you ever wanna come back here, just give me a holler. I’ll bring you,” he said gently, his voice tinged with a kindness that made you blush a bit.

“Thanks, Mr. Newsted.”

“You can call me Jason, remember?”

“Thanks, Jason,” you chuckled. He grinned before returning his gaze to the view ahead of you.

“So, got any other hidden gems to show me?” he gestured toward a bunch of trees near the white building you knew was the town church. “Is that a pool?” he asked, and you stretched up on your tiptoes for a closer look, spotting a square of water nestled among the trees. 

“Yeah, that’s the Recreation Club. It’s pretty cool. My folks used to take me there all the time, but…” your voice trailed off as you spoke. You didn’t want to dwell on it, on how your life was like a museum of places your family had been but weren’t anymore. Even something as simple as a spot you used to frequent as a kid was now just a distant memory. “Couldn’t keep up with the membership fees after they passed,” you explained, glancing up at Jason with eyes that tried to hide your sadness. When your gaze met his, you found nothing but understanding there.

“C'mere,” he said, pulling you into a hug, his arms wrapping around you. 

The sudden embrace caught you off guard, but soon you relaxed into it like it was second nature. He was warm and unexpectedly gentle, and you realized maybe that’s what you’d been craving all this time: warmth, and gentleness. He pulled back, gently tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. 

“Let’s head back home.”

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 23

Chapter 23 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, with Christmas on the horizon, Buck tries to figure out how to make the holiday work with Chris on one side and Maddie on the other. However, his attempt to fix it blows up in his face.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn), Madney

Warnings: referenced domestic violence, referenced emotionally abusive parents

~~~

Chapter 23: The Struggles of Not So Jolly Tidings

Organizing Christmas this year is weird, Buck thinks. Maddie knows way more about his schedule through Chimney, so he can’t just claim that he’s working, however, she hasn’t been as pushy about it as expected. In fact, she hasn’t said anything at all.

It worries him. She has always loved Christmas so much, usually starting to gear up for the holiday in November with obnoxious sweaters and loud music. Yet this year, it’s like she hasn’t even noticed what time of year it is.

Christmas makes her happy and he wants her to be happy.

His plan has been to do Christmas eve with her, so he can do Christmas morning – which is important to Chris – with his family and then dinner at home with tía Pepa. He’d been gearing up for an argument with Maddie about not spending the entirety of Christmas together after so many they missed, but that doesn’t come and he doesn’t know what to do.

After watching Chimney assure Maddie over the phone that they guy they pulled out of the cargo hold of a plane is okay, a plan starts to form. Despite, his reservations about anyone dating Maddie, she deserves to be happy and Chimney makes her happy.

He knows that since the Lees are Buddhist, they don’t do Christmas, so Chimney should be free. If he can get him to spend that time with her, it’ll both cheer her up and make him feel less guilty about dipping out when she obviously needs someone in her corner right now.

It’s a dilemma he finds himself in; having to abandon Maddie or having to explain to Chris why he is missing his favorite holiday. So, hoisting Maddie onto Chimney is a little self serving, but it comes from a place of love.

Besides, she can understand him not wanting to be there when it’s going to be her and Chim, since no one likes being a third wheel. And yes, no matter how she denies that they’re dating, he’d totally be a third wheel in that scenario.

Luckily, it doesn’t take much to convince Chimney to help bring some holiday cheer to her. So, soon he finds spending way too much time picking out the perfect Christmas tree. It’s kind of sweet how seriously Chimney takes this, but after an hour of wandering about the same Christmas tree farm that he already spend three hours at last weekend with Chris and Eddie to find the perfect tree, it gets a little old.

With the tree finally picked, they go to her house. Where they get the opposite of the welcome Buck expected. She is clearly unhappy with the decorations and the tree, throwing up excuses that are so weak, especially if you know how well she can lie.

And he knows he should be understanding and kind, but he just gets so frustrated. She is here, back in his life, after so long without her, but he feels so distant from her. They still hang out, they text, but she keeps shutting him out. It’s as if it doesn’t matter how near she is, she’ll always put this barrier between them. As if she doesn’t want him in her life, as if something ruined the bond they used to have in childhood.

So, yeah, he gets mad instead. He shouldn’t be, but he is.

“You hate Christmas now? Something else I can thank Doug for, huh?” he says, knowing it’s too low of a blow, but he’s so angry, because he can tell it is Doug.

Doug who got his little fingers in his sister and turned her into a stranger, someone who doesn’t even let him in, someone who doesn’t share that her favorite holiday is ruined and she doesn’t want to celebrate. Someone who leaves him in the dark, instead of seeing him as someone she can talk to, who is in her corner.

“No, I don’t hate Christmas, but I’m starting to not like you very much, okay?” she snaps at him, before she starts to walk away. “Just let it go.”

“Maddie,” he calls after her, just wanting her to talk to him.

She is not in the mood to talk to him, though, turning back to snarl: “You can’t come into my house, Buck, and act this way.”

It’s the same fucking line their parents always used to say and it hurts more than anything. Much like him, Maddie knows how to hit where it hurts. Incredulously he repeats: “’Come into my house’? I’m your brother.”

“Well, I don’t know if you are, I don’t remember my brother being such a dick,” she spits at him.

“Okay, well maybe if you’d been in my life, you would have known what kind of person I actually am, but you weren’t. So, I guess you have no one to blame but yourself for that,” Buck retorts, two can play the game of hitting where it hurts. They got that from their parents. He might not like arguing, but that doesn’t mean he’s bad at it.

“Oh, you know that is not true,” Maddie yells, her finger pointing at him aggressively. It’s the one trait they didn’t inherit from their parents, the way they embody their fights.

“At this point, I don’t know anything anymore. It’s not like you ever tell me anything,” Buck tells her like a hypocrite. “So fine, fucking hate Christmas. Hope you’re fucking miserable by yourself here.”

With that he storms out of her house, while Maddie hurls a: “Real mature, Evan,” at his head as he does.

Chimney is still waiting at the curb next to the Christmas tree. Buck had been his ride, so he’s been waiting, probably heard everything they just yelled at each other. He isn’t proud of it, but he’s still seething too much to care quite yet.

They get into the car in silence and Buck drives off. He’s probably going to have to drive around after dropping Chimney back home to cool off, he doesn’t want to come home angry.

However, Chimney doesn’t let them sit in silence, breaking it a few minutes into the drive. “Well, that could have gone better.”

“If she told me anything, it would have,” Buck agrees through gritted teeth.

“Oh come on, man, you can’t actually believe that.”

“Of course, I do. She always does this,” he exclaims. He’s been stewing in this for months and now it has boiled over and he can’t stop boiling. “She keeps me in the dark and shuts me out and then expects me to read her mind. I don’t know what she wants. She loved Christmas, excuse me for making an assumption and trying to be nice.”

“Wow, she’s right, you are being a dick, Buck,” Chimney informs him.

“Whatever. You just want to fuck her,” Buck grouches, not in the mood for Chimney playing her white knight after that fiasco.

“What the hell, man!” Chimney exclaims.

Great, now he’s made two people mad at him, way to go, Buck. “Just drop it, Chim. I’m not in the mood to talk about it.”

Chimney lets out a deep sigh. Disappointed almost. It makes something inside him curl up, but he doesn’t try to fix it or talk about it, letting the silence drag on instead. Today has only been terrible and it’s all his fault. Maybe a bit Maddie’s too, but probably mostly his. It usually is.

Both him and Chimney are equally glad to get to Chim’s apartment complex, curtly saying goodbye and not much else. Buck waits just long enough to see Chimney get inside before speeding off, driving around aimlessly until he had to get home if he wanted to make dinner.

Eddie immediately clocks that he’s not okay the second he comes home. It fills Buck with warmth to see him frown and ask: “You okay? How was Maddie? Is she okay?”

“Didn’t go well. Don’t wanna talk about it,” is all he replies, because he doesn’t. He still needs to cool down a bit and he knows that if he talks about it now, he’ll only get worked up again.

“Alright,” Eddie nods, easily dropping it. “I still haven’t gotten Chris’s Christmas wish out of him, I don’t know what to do. We’ve tried everything.”

“We haven’t taken him to Santa yet,” Buck points out, a shit-eating grin coming onto his face at the opportunity. It’s likely why Eddie said it, to cheer him up, and going off the look on his face, he’s regretting it a little. Buck loves him so much for that.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this discussion, so Eddie follows the familiar grooves of it as he says: “You mean the creepy guy at the mall with a fake beard? No. Not doing that.”

“You’re going to have to let that go at some point, Eddie,” Buck laughs. “Look, just because you got scared and threw up all over Santa, that doesn’t mean-”

Before he can finish the sentence, Eddie cuts him off to defend his honor: “First off, yeah, that was very wrong of Abuela to tell you that story. And- and second off, no, I wasn’t scared. I- The old guy smelled bad and I had a stomach flu.”

“Really?” Buck quirks a brow at that. “Two years in a row you had the stomach flu?”

“Yeah?” Eddie doesn’t sound like he believes it himself.

“Yeah,” Buck nods, in a way that makes it sound more like ‘yeah, right’. By the looks of it, Eddie heard it loud and clear.

However, Buck does want to solve the Chris’s Christmas present crisis, since he is also a part of that possible tantrum, so now that he’s laughed at Eddie, he goes into fixing it mode. “Look, Chris probably wants to do it by himself, I can sit with you on the outskirts the whole time.”

“I don’t need you to sit with me and hold my hand,” Eddie glares.

“I didn’t say that,” Buck retorts, because he is very careful about suggesting things like that, things he secretly wants. “It was about Chris’s growing independence.”

“Hmm, Chris’s growing independence, huh?” Eddie asks, suspiciously.

“Uh-huh,” Buck says, attempting his best innocent face and likely failing.

But Eddie knows it’s the best solution for their problem, so he pretends not to notice. Instead he says: “I mean, we can always give him more independence in a controlled environment.”

“So Santa?”

“Fine, we’ll take him to Santa,” Eddie sighs in defeat, making Buck cheer.

However, before they can do that, they have another shift. It’s totally awkward. Bobby appears to be having some sort of disagreement with Athena and it’s clear to everyone Chimney is avoiding Buck. Eddie sends him a look over that and he just mouths: “Later.”

Later, as it turns out, is after the shift when they’re at Santa. Chris had insisted on going by himself as predicted and they take a seat on the fountain to watch him. Eddie doesn’t wait a moment, just going for it: “So what happened with Maddie?”

Buck sighs as he remembers it all. He’s cooled down a bit, no longer angry, but still upset with Maddie about how it all went down. As he finishes the recount, he says: “Like, she could have just told me she didn’t want to do Christmas.”

Eddie lets it all sink in for a moment, before he says: “I guess, but you kind of exploded on her. I get why she pushed back.”

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be on my side?” Buck pouts. “’Till death do us part and all that?”

At that Eddie sighs as he shakes his head, fondly rolling his eyes. “I am on your side, Buck. You don’t want to fight with your sister, come on now. You know she didn’t say, because you’d get worried and make it your mission to cheer her up.”

Buck pauses at that for a moment. He doesn’t doubt for a second that Eddie is actually on his side and when he says it, he knows he doesn’t want to be fighting with Maddie. However, he can’t help but sigh: “But I did anyway.”

“What?”

“I know she didn’t tell me, because I’d worry, but I’m always going to worry about her. She thinks she’s protecting me, but she’s not. She’s just making it harder,” Buck says. “She can’t stay quiet and expect me to understand what she wants. I’m not psychic.”

“Really? You believe in signs of the universe and curses, but you draw the line at psychics?”

“Oh shut up, that’s not my point right now. Besides, I said I wasn’t psychic, not that psychics didn’t exist.”

“You believe in psychics?” Eddie asks, disbelieving.

“Not the point, Edmundo,” Buck reminds him. “We’re talking about how Maddie is lying to me.”

“I mean, you’re also lying to her,” Eddie points out, driving it home by smiling and waving at Chris, before stretching out to take a picture of him in the line.

“That’s different,” Buck pouts.

“How is it different?”

“I know what she’s been through, I know something is up. She just gives me enough to worry, but not enough to help. I let her keep her peace of mind.”

Eddie doesn’t sound entirely convinced about that logic, but fortunately puts his focus on the right thing. “Alright, so you want to help.”

“Yes, I want to help and I thought this would help. But it’s like every time I try to help, I run into this surprise that she kept from me and then she gets mad that I tried. It’s almost as if she doesn’t want me to try. It’s starting to hurt my feelings, man.”

It’s lighthearted, but Eddie knows him well enough to know that translates to ‘it’s hurting so fucking much’. Tentatively, he says: “Maybe tell her that?”

“What?”

“I mean, I don’t know, but if she’s keeping stuff from you as to not worry you or hurt you and you tell her that it’s hurting you, maybe she’ll stop?” Eddie shrugs, sounding like he isn’t entirely convinced himself by the strategy, but feeling like he should share it.

“Yeah, maybe…” Buck sighs. He isn’t too convinced. Maddie has never liked sharing, always wanting to figure things out on her own. Buck always craved affection from absent parents, while she always wanted to get out and be free of their judgment and smothering.

Despite living in the same house, they had very different childhoods. He isn’t sure she’ll understand that he won’t judge her for what she says, but that he will embrace her. That for him she is pushing him out, instead of getting his freedom. She doesn’t understand what being left out feels like.

When Buck stays silent, Eddie snaps him out of it. “At least apologize or something, yeah? It doesn’t matter if you think you’re right, when you’re fighting with your sister, it’s best to just let her get her way. It’s what I do.”

It’s the same attitude Eddie has towards his mother, one he struggles to break out when he needs to stand up for Chris to her. Buck isn’t sure that’s the best advice, but he isn’t going to fight with Eddie about it, especially when Chris is coming their way.

“Fine, I can try,” Buck says. And he will. He gets where she’s coming from and he doesn’t want to fight with her. Despite his upset at her icing him out, he’s more scared he will give her a reason to leave again. Maybe Eddie is onto something and he should always just let her be right.

Eddie has greeted Chris and hoisted him into his arms, already walking off by the time his brain catches up. Before he can follow, however, one of the elves working there stops him and smiles: “You two have an adorable son.”

It’s not the first time someone has assumed that and it’s not entirely wrong. Yet it takes him by surprise every time. He has this now. He actually has this. A smile breaks out and despite the thunder cloud that is his fight with Maddie, he can’t help but reply: “Thank you,” before getting Chris’s Christmas wish out of her, then skipping after Eddie and Chris to catch up with them.

His talk with Eddie makes it so he finds himself on Maddie’s doorstep that same day. A part of him doesn’t want to be here, another part of him relaxes at the sight of her car. Having the confirmation that she didn’t leave is nice. He didn’t make her leave yet. He can still make it right.

Then the door doesn’t open.

Maddie has cameras everywhere, so she knows exactly who’s knocking. Anxiety creeps up Buck’s spine. What if she’s staying, but she doesn’t want to see Buck ever again? What if she’ll be in reach, but still so far away? What if he did fuck it up?

Before he can spiral further, the door is yanked open to reveal a huffy Maddie. “Ugh, you know I can’t let you mope when you pull that face.”

She always used to say that when he was upset, he could never recreate the face purposefully, so he used to think she just said that. However, since raising Chris, he knows exactly what she means and his heart aches a little for her. That she had that with him, because she raised him as much, if not more than their parents ever did.

A wave of emotion hits him and he surges forward to hug her tightly, much like he did when he was nine years old. She catches him as she has always done and holds him tightly for a few seconds, before leading him inside.

Once he’s on the couch with a cup of tea, she sits next to him and starts the conversation. “Well, with that entrance, I assume you’re not here to bite my head off again?”

Embarrassment floods his face and he takes a sip of his tea to cover it, before he mumbles: “Uh, no, sorry.”

As far as apologies go, it’s not great, which Maddie lets him know through the look she levels at him.

He’s quiet for a moment, then throws his unoccupied hand up. “I just don’t get why you won’t talk to me. I’m not a kid anymore, you don’t have to keep things from me.”

Something akin to guilt flashes over Maddie’s face, before she looks away. She clears her throat and shakes her head for a beat, then turns back to him and gives a forced smile: “But you’re still my baby brother.”

It’s such a Maddie answer and immediately his hackles raise again. He is about to snipe at her, when Eddie’s words ring through his head ‘You don’t want to fight with your sister, come on now,’ and the Eddie in his head is right. So he takes a breath and doesn’t snap.

“Being your baby brother doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you,” he tells her.

“What?” Maddie almost laughs, as if it’s an absurd thing and she doesn’t really know what to say to it.

“I worry about you too,” Buck repeats.

Maddie softens slightly at his words, but her face instead becomes slightly patronizing. “That’s very sweet of you, Evan.”

A frustrated sound makes its way out of his throat and he has to stop himself from yelling at her by clutching his mug so tightly his knuckles turn white and he’s scared for the piece of keramic. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Shut me out?” he says, voice now bordering on desperate. “Maddie, I’m worried. I’m so fucking worried and you know what’s making me worried more? You shutting me out.” She opens her mouth, but he goes on, before she can speak. “No, you know you are. You’re shutting me out and keeping things from me and it’s making me worried. You hear me, Mads? I’m already worried. I was worried before our fight and I’ve been worried since. You keeping things from me isn’t helping.”

Maddie blinks a few times, processing his words. Then she looks away, drawing into herself and crossing her arms around her as she wraps her cardigan around herself. Moodily, she says: “Well, you don’t have to.”

Buck puts the mug down, before taking a deep breath, rubbing his face as he does. The frustration is definitely rising, but he’s dealt with preschooler tantrums, he can keep his cool talking to his adult sister. Even when she’s being a pain, god knows he isn’t always the easiest either.

“Well, I am anyway,” he sighs after a moment, looking at her again. “Look, I’m really sorry about snapping at you. Bringing up Doug was a low blow, but it’s not like I’m wrong, am I?”

He gives her an imploring look and Maddie just tightens her clothes in response.

“Maddie,” his voice has a pleading edge now, “I’m not stupid. I can put the pieces together, hell, you told me he threatened to kill you and you believed him. Of course I’m going to be worried.”

“But that’s just it,” she says. “I never should have told you that. If I didn’t say anything, you wouldn’t have worried.”

“Fucking hell, is that really what you think? That if I don’t know, I won’t worry?” Buck exclaims. “I’ve been worried for years. I’ve been worried since you stopped sending cards back, just like I worried when you showed up on the run, when you couldn’t do roommates and when you wanted to leave again. Don’t you get it? We’re in it together, united front. I will always worry about you, the only difference now is that I don’t know if me trying to be nice is going to be a trigger for you. I don’t want to trigger you. I want you to be happy, I want to make you happy. I can’t do that, I can’t help, if you don’t let me in. So, please, let me in.”

Tears have welled up in her eyes and Buck worries he’s fucked it all up again, until she uncurls from her corner and goes to hug him, crying into his shoulder as he catches her.

“I’m sorry too,” she cries. “I- I just can’t- I can’t do Christmas. Not this year.”

He cradles her head, rocking them back and forth as he says: “It’s okay, we won’t do Christmas this year then. I have friends here, I’ll be fine on Christmas if you are. Chim also doesn’t celebrate Christmas, I got him into it, because I thought it would make you happy.”

“You don’t mind skipping Christmas with me? I know it used to be a thing. You must have been looking forward to it,” she sniffles.

It was only ever a thing because Maddie made it one. Their parents would indulge because it was her, who was excited, and she made sure he was included too. Buck has never been thick, he could tell that her presents were more thoughtful than his, that she did a homemade stocking afternoon with him, because he didn’t have one. He never liked Christmas much when she wasn’t there, not until Chris and Eddie.

“It’s okay, Maddie,” he promises, kissing her head. “It’s okay. If you never want to do Christmas again, then we’ll never do Christmas again. Just tell me, alright?”

“Yeah, alright,” Maddie agrees.

“Good,” he says, squeezing her once more, before giving her an out of the emotional conversation, seeing how drained she looked. “Now, you never got to tell me what Josh had to say about Becca’s boyfriend and I’ve been dying to know for days now. Tell me while I cook?”

Maddie lights up at that, diving into the dispatch gossip with gusto as she follows Buck to her kitchen.

That night they eat as they trade stories and it’s just like it used to be. Buck doesn’t push more and Maddie tells him a few things she’d like him to avoid. It isn’t much, but it’s a start.

Buck has gotten a Christmas invitation to the Grant-Nash household. He is incredibly touched that they thought to include him, the warmth they offer without a second thought, the way he has a place in their house like he never did at home.

In another life he’d accept without thought, but now he has to come up with an excuse. He could have used Maddie, except they’ve heard all about Maddie not doing Christmas, plus he’s pretty sure she invited Chimney, so that’s a no. He settles on, smiling as he says: “Thank you so much, I might pop by at some point, but we’re doing Santa at home. I’ve put a lot of time in these gifts.”

After nearly two years of this, he has become a master at not lying, but not telling the truth either. It is true that he is doing Santa at home and he and Eddie have been spending a lot of their free time on Christmas shopping, wrapping and hiding the gifts. However, it’s not a secret Santa with his roommates as he’s implying.

It’s a delicate balance and he feels a little horrible about it as Bobby gives him a rueful smile, before accepting his decline to the offer. But, watching Chris cheer excitedly as he unpacks his gifts, he can’t bring himself to regret it entirely.

Chris is too young to spend New Years awake, he’ll spend that at the Grant-Nashes, he has an invitation for that holiday too. Eddie hates fireworks anyway, he’ll be glad for the excuse to stay inside under the guise of watching Chris.

~~

A/N:

It was so hard to balance their shitty communication skills with wanting them to make up, rip, traumatized people, pls talk, communicate, etc.

Also, the AUAU for this chapter is going to be so fucking stupid and silly, this is an angsty chapter, but I cannot overstate how much the AUAU is barely connected and so unnecessary lmao, but it was too iconic not to. Really looking forward to sharing that one xp

[lavendertales]

Sweet lies: Chapter 11

pairing: Frankie Morales x f!reader

summary: you break things down to Rose, while Frankie seeks some understanding at Santiago.

word count: 3.3k

Comments & reblogs are always appreciated 💕

gif: @pedro-pscal

series masterlist | AO3

Anxiety seeps through your every pore as you approach the apartment. There is no reason for you to feel this nervous about opening up to your best friend, and yet there you are, gulping with each step you take.

With one final sharp breath to be drawn in, you ring the doorbell and wait. There’s some music that’s distinguishable from where you stand. Amy Winehouse’s “You Know That I’m No Good”, to your surprise. You raise your brows, waiting still.

“Hi!”

The sight of a shirtless Santiago, wearing only a silver chain around his neck and some shorts isn’t what you expected, and clearly he’s just as taken aback by your presence as much as you are by his, but it only makes the moment more comical for you.

“Good morning,” you greet him cheekily.

He clears his throat. “Morning.”

“What’re you guys doing?”

Santiago purses his lips, avoiding the answer like the plague, though it is painfully obvious. You decide to spare him of the additional pain.

“Relax, I’m just fucking with you,” you smile at him. “I’m glad things are going so well for the two of you.”

“We weren’t—I mean, not right now, but—“

You chuckle, eased to see Rose’s face appear from behind Santiago. She greets you with a big smile, welcoming you in.

“Aren’t you cold? It’s a bit chilly outside,” you ask Santiago, who faintly blushes.

“Uh… it’s kinda warm in here. It’s fine.”

Rose raises her brows suggestively at you, to which you frown and chuckle some more.

“Would you mind if I spoke alone with Rose?” you check with Santiago. “It’s very important.”

“Not at all. In fact, I should get going too. I got a meeting with Fish.”

Your face instantly drops, and you swear you detect something more on Santiago’s face. Despite that, neither of you mentions anything of the sort.

“Yeah, he’s supposed to help me with some stuff at the shop,” he adds, trying to ease your conscience.

You nod. “If you get to talking…”

“Yeah.”

There seems to be some sort of mutual understanding between the two of you, one that Rose does not understand. She watches patiently as Santiago rushes to get dressed, but not before kissing her cheek.

“Coffee?” she offers you.

“Sure, thanks.”

“So what’s up? Pretty early for a visit. Not that I’m complaining! You know I’m always up for you.”

“And for Santi too, by the looks of it.”

Rose’s cheeks get flushed instantly while she tends to the coffee in the kitchen. You sit at the table, fumbling with your fingers, trying to figure out how you’re going to break all this down for her. You know she’s the most understanding person in the world, but such news would shock her without a doubt, and truthfully, you could use some of her fire to bring you down to earth.

Once Santiago bids you both goodbye and you have the apartment to yourselves, you breathe in one more time.

“I did something terrible,” you say, your voice ominous.

Rose’s face shows concern within the next second as she sits down in front of you, two mugs of coffee in your hands.

“It began in February.”

“What did?”

The more you look at her, the wetter your eyes get, but you force yourself to not break down, not right now.

“I turned into one of my worst nightmares,” you say darkly. “I’m—I’m the other woman. Or I was. I won’t even know for sure till today.”

“What are you talking about? You’re not making much sense.”

You close your eyes as you exhale, wearing your most serious face as you whisper, “I’ve slept with someone who’s engaged. Was. Still is. I don’t know.”

Rose frowns, trying to piece together the information you’re nervously spewing at her.

“Engaged? What are you—“

And then, her whole face drops. Mouth ajar and eyes wide, Rose simply stares at you for seconds on end as realization hits her.

“No. No way. Seriously?!”

“Yes.”

“Are you serious right now?!”

“Why the hell would I joke about this?!”

Rose leans back on the chair, staring back at you with blank eyes. She’s clearly processing the situation, but she doesn’t seem mad like you would’ve expected.

“Before you say anything, trust me, I feel beyond shitty,” you tell her. “I can’t sleep properly, I can’t focus… I keep seeing Andrea’s face and the one word that’s always on my mind is ‘traitor’. Others too, but this one is recurring.”

“Oh sweetie… what—I don’t even know where to begin, what to say.”

You huff, reminiscing of that cold Valentine’s Day on the porch when Frankie kissed you for the very first time, how it felt and how it triggered so many other emotions for the both of you.

“All the conversations and the bickering and the feelings that were still there…” you start, visibly distraught. “One night it just happened, and then… we both swore that was it. And then it happened again. And again. And now—now I’m a horrible person, especially because I like Andrea and I think she’s going through some shit of her own that makes her anxious and even if I suspect that she doesn’t really want this wedding to happen either for various reasons, it still doesn’t seem fair and I just—“

Rose reaches for your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze to ground you.

“Breathe,” she tells you. “In and out, slowly.”

You follow her instruction, and soon you do feel your heart race a little less.

“What does Frankie think about all of this?” she proceeds to ask.

“He’s as messed up as I am, if not more. I told him to tell Andrea and… make a choice. And he said…”

“What?”

The memory of that brief conversation in the closet at the bowling alley, where Frankie told you how much you meant to him all that time and how you’re both his dream and his nightmare, it’s conspiring against you. It weakens your whole body just to think about it, let alone reminisce the hasty way he kissed you, the way it deepened so easily and speedily and how you were both chasing the same high, the same rush that you only felt with each other.

“What did he say?” Rose asks.

You gulp. “He said… there’s no choice to make. He said it’s always been me.”

Rose’s face lights up, and you wish you could display that same reaction as easily as she does. You won’t allow yourself to be this happy at the words you’ve always longed to hear. You fear that if you do, it’ll all get ruined. You fear that if you allow yourself to feel anything other than misery, guilt and shame, Frankie will tell you that he is getting married after all, and that would make you feel like the most horrible human being on the face of the earth.

“Andrea’s flying back home today,” you continue. “They’re gonna talk and whatever they decide, tonight everything will be settled. It will be over, one way or the other.”

“Oh, they are so not getting married.”

Now that surprises you.

“What makes you say that?” you ask. “Andrea’s been calling and texting him a lot, apparently insisting that they gotta make things work no matter what.”

“That’s a bit suspicious, to be honest.”

“Even if it is, Frankie is a loyal, devoted man. Leaving aside what happened between me and him, he’s been with Andrea for years. He might still choose her.”

Rose shakes her head delicately, sipping from her coffee.

“Mark my words, they are not staying together,” she insists. “And I am not only saying this because I want the best for you. Andrea’s perfectly nice and lovely, but she and Frankie are pretty much done.”

“You sound so sure.”

Rose sucks in a sharp breath as well, as if trying to organize her thoughts into coherent words that might make you understand better.

“Well honey, it’s always been you and him,” she coos sweetly. “The love you have for each other, the care, the laughter… come on! We all see it, we all know it. Everyone was just trying to make Andrea to feel as integrated and as welcome as possible in the group, but you and Frankie go way back, and the feelings you have for each other run too deep to be severed by time or distance. It’s been ten years, and you still think of him as the love of your life. We all know what you mean to each other. So much so that everyone hid the full history between you two when Andrea came into picture. She never knew just what you meant to each other, how much. You’re that intimidating shadow that neither of them can get rid of.”

“But I don’t want that! I just want—“

“What do you want?”

You suddenly recall asking Frankie the same question the night you last met before going away at Cambridge, and a painful knot appears in your stomach.

What? C’mon, just tell me. What do you want, Francisco?

You finally got your answer to that question. He wants you. Frankie wants you.

And what do you want, after all this time, after all the trouble and the heartache?

“I want… I want something good for myself. For once,” your voice shakes the answer. “I want him. I want to be with him. And I know it’s selfish and cruel and painful to say, even shitty, I know that. I fucking know that. But life is not fair, and it certainly hasn’t been fair to me, and I just want… for once, for just once, to have what I want. Just once.”

“I know, sweetie. And you absolutely deserve it.”

“It’s always been him. You know, I used to say that I would’ve killed and cheated and lied, I would’ve done whatever if that would’ve meant that I could be with him. Isn’t that funny? How the universe is mocking me?”

You’re half laughing, half crying by this point, and Rose stands up, taking a seat closer to you and hugging you from the side.

“If wanting something good for myself makes me horrible, then so fucking be it,” you cry.

“It doesn’t make you horrible. It makes you human.”

She caresses your hair, simply holding you for a while. You’re surprised she didn’t tear into you after hearing what you did.

“You can snap at me, you know?” you say.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because this is—this is wrong, Rose. I hooked up with someone who’s engaged! It’s… it’s icky and—“

“Frankie and Andrea have been separated for quite some time. I understand all this happened during their break, or?”

“Yeah, but—“

“Did anything happen before?”

“Just the kiss.”

Rose pauses, inspecting your face up close.

“Frankie left immediately after it happened, went to tell Andrea what happened… and she said she wants a break. That’s what I know.”

“Okay, for that I can snap at you a little if you want.”

You actually break into a smile. “That would be nice.”

“You kissed someone who was engaged?! How could you do that?! Are you insane!”

You chuckle, holding her hand.

“Feel better now?” Rose checks.

“A bit. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I did partially mean it.”

“I know, which is why I asked you to do it. For the record, he initiated the kiss.”

“Oh, shit!”

“But I reciprocated, so I’m equally guilty.”

“Hey, listen. Maybe this story isn’t even about Frankie and Andrea and why they got together in the first place if they have issues or doubts or whatever. You’re not the side character.”

“In their story, I am.”

Rose makes an unimpressed face like she’s judging you, and you try not to smile.

“I think this story is about you and him. Like I said before, it’s always been you and Frankie. Maybe this story is about finally getting your happiness. And maybe it’s about Andrea getting her real happiness, too.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

There’s a moment of silence, a moment which you relish into.

“Did you say you suspect she has other reasons for wanting the break?” Rose asks you.

“I told her what’s been going on with me and Frankie—more or less—and she was super calm about it. Super understanding and nice. And it was… okay, but also—“

“Suspicious.”

“A little.”

Rose frowns, staring into the distance. “What if she has the same moral dilemma as you guys?”

You return her gaze, quite surprised at her suggestion. Though you can’t say the thought hadn’t crossed your mind, either.

“You think there’s someone else for her, too?” you mutter.

Rose shrugs. “Could be. It would explain why she seemed to understanding when you told her.”

“She said she did think something might happen with me and him.”

“Huh. See, even if you do suspect it, when confronted with the situation, you’re still gonna be angry or pissed, something. Who knows what she has on her plate?”

You think back on the conversation you had with Andrea; you recall the speech she told you about her family and the huge pressure lingering on her to this day, and chills run down your spine.

“I’d say she has a lot to deal with,” you answer.

Frankie is more than thankful that Santiago had asked him to give a hand at the hardware store. It’s not too spacious, which means decluttering is a real pain in the ass. Moving tools and supplies around seems like a good distraction, but Frankie knows he can’t keep all of this bottled up, not anymore.

Besides, Santiago already suspects something. Hiding the truth from his best friend for too long seems like a stupid idea.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Santiago’s question does take him aback; Frankie quickly realizes he’s been mindlessly misplacing several screws in the drawers for the past half hour, only Santiago was too nice to mention it earlier. He shakes his head, desperate to have a clearer mind, but he knows that won’t happen unless he actually talks.

“Seriously, you good, man?”

Frankie stares long at him, gulping and clearing his throat, putting down all the items in his hands.

“Remember that morning when you barged into my apartment, asking me what was going on with—“

Santiago raises his brows, looking around briefly.

“You mean the morning I don’t know anything about?” he retorts.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“No more of that bullshit. I mean it.”

Santiago follows his example and puts down the cloth with which he was cleaning the counters, and grabs two of the little chairs in the back, offering one to Frankie.

“Okay,” Santiago starts. “What about that morning?”

“What you saw… it was right. You were right.”

Santiago stares at him with a blank expression, which only makes Frankie more restless in return.

“Well color me intrigued and shocked,” he replies, to which Frankie rolls his eyes.

“You know me. You guys know me. I’m not a cheater. It’s not who I am, it’s not what I do. It’s not what I would ever do. I am not the kind of man who hurts those he loves. I just—I couldn’t help it. And I know that’s weak and pathetic and a fucking cliché but I—from the second the stood before me, that fucking moment in the restaurant when I saw her again, I knew it was a sign. Maybe a dark omen, I don’t—I don’t fucking know. I knew it was something.”

“Does Andrea know about any of this?”

“I don’t know exactly what she knows. I know that the two of them spoke about this, and apparently Andrea was very calm and understanding about this, which only makes me doubt things even more.”

“What are you doubting?”

“Everything! Every single fucking thing! Andrea’s been acting a bit weird with this break and I just can’t shake the feeling that something’s up, but I can’t really say anything, now can I? How the fuck can I when… look at what I did.”

Frankie lowers his head into the ground, leaving his friend to contemplate and glare at his figure. He hasn’t seen Frankie so down in years, and it’s clear he’s struggling with a lot of things, but he also needs to at least try to have a clear mind.

“Were you two together when this happened?” Santiago asks, and Frankie immediately shakes his head in denial. “Well listen, if you were separated when this went down, I wouldn’t call it cheating. She’s the one who decided she needed time away from you and your relationship.”

“I still feel… dirty.”

Santiago searches for his eyes, and when he finds them, they’re teary and gray, possibly from the lack of proper rest.

“Fish,” he calls out to him in a grave voice. “Do you love her?”

This isn’t about Andrea, Frankie realizes. That’s not the “she” he’s being asked about, and it’s not the “she” he had in mind, anyway.

“I’ve always been in love with her,” he confesses. “I never stopped. All that I felt for her… it never stopped. When I met Andrea, I did like her. I’ve grown to like her, I’ve learned to love her, how to fall in love with her, but it just… it wasn’t the same.”

“Okay, so you’re not just messing around.”

“No, fuck no! I love her. I love her so much it actually hurts. It physically hurts. Like my heart’s not even my own anymore. It’s hers. It belongs to her. And I know she loves me, too.”

“You gotta clean this up then.”

“I know. And I want to, I will. I’m picking up Andrea tonight, and I’m gonna tell her.”

“What are you gonna tell her, exactly?”

Frankie freezes, realizing he doesn’t actually have a speech prepared or anything of the sort. Truth be told, he’s too nervous to lay things down logically. All he knows is that he has to get his feelings out and be honest.

“I’m gonna be honest with her,” Frankie says. “She’s been calling and texting like crazy, said she wants us to work no matter what, and it’s just making things worse. I can’t keep doing this.”

Santiago pats him on his shoulder.

“I’m gonna tell her… we can’t go through with the wedding,” Frankie continues absentmindedly. “And that she was right to have doubts, because there are things between us we never even talked about. Her parents basically shoved us together, didn’t give us much say in the matter. I think she’s still feeling intimidated by them, like she still has to earn their approval for everything, including a marriage.”

“That’s just messed up.”

“I know.”

“Why propose in the first place then?”

“Because! Because I was convinced it was the right thing to do, the smart choice. I care about her, so I thought sure, why not? It’ll do her good to be with someone with an apparently good reputation, and it’ll be great for me too.”

“Fish…”

“Andrea is nice and warm and safe and… I do love her in a way. Theoretically she’s good for me. It’s just—“

“But it’s not the same.”

Frankie shakes his head slowly. “It’s not the same. I mean I love her because of and in spite of that.”

“Dangerous territory to be on.”

“Tell me about it.”

“But hey, you’re gonna tell her tonight, and things will be better after that.”

“I hope so.”

“Just stop fucking around with the mistress till then.”

Frankie throws him an ugly glare. “We’re not fucking around. And don’t ever call her that.”

While Santiago nods in approval and resumes his work, Frankie still contemplates. Just a few more hours, and he’ll be a free man. He’ll set himself and Andrea free, as well as you.

Just a few more hours.

previous | next

[mrs-dr-reid]

New Beginnings

(A Matthew Gray Gubler Fic)

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler x Fem!Reader

Summary: The Reader gets set up on a blind date after being newly single for 8 months, and it goes better than she anticipated.

Genre: V fluffy

Warnings: None, I believe

A/N: Ayyyyy, my first MGG Fic! This fic is HEAVILY inspired by the song “Begin Again” by Taylor Swift because duh. Who am I if I'm not writing something inspired by Taylor? Hope you enjoy! (also, thanks to my discord friend Ozzie for reminding me of/sending me Gube's "what I look for in a woman" open letter thing)

Word Count: 1615

———————————————————————

Y/N was surrounded by a heap of discarded clothes on her bedroom floor as she tried to decide what to wear on the blind date her friend Y/F/N set her up on. She’d been single for eight months in the aftermath of a rough breakup, but she was finally ready to start trying to get herself back out there. However, she had to admit that meeting up with a complete stranger she’d only ever heard about through stories from Y/F/N wasn’t precisely how she’d planned on doing so. Y/N had been rifling through her closet for the past hour, and she just couldn’t decide what to wear. Eventually, she settled on a black skater skirt, a white short-sleeve blouse, her favorite brown crossbody purse, and a pair of simple dark red pumps.

Y/N had stood in front of her shoe organizer for a solid minute trying to hype herself up to go for the heels because she couldn’t help but remember that her ex never wanted her to wear them because whenever she did, she was taller than him (by barely an inch, but still) and he didn’t like that. She decided to bite the bullet and just put them on, because she liked wearing high heels, and it didn’t matter what her ex thought anymore. Y/N gave a satisfied sigh when she looked at herself in the mirror, then grabbed her keys and got ready to go. She locked up her apartment, then got into her car and turned on her music. “How To Save A Life” by The Fray began to play, and she almost skipped it out of instinct, because her ex always said he didn’t understand it every time it came on.

Y/N said to herself, “Don’t you waste another thought on that jerk, Y/N. This is a fresh start. You’ve got this,” then turned up the volume on her stereo and sang along to every song her ex hated with pride. She pulled into a parking space close enough to the café she was meeting her date that it wouldn’t feel like a workout, but far enough that she could hype herself up and work up her confidence. Y/N honestly wasn't in the mood to be going on a blind date, but it’s literally impossible for her to say no to Y/F/N. All she knew about the guy was that his name was Matthew, he was an actor, and he had met Y/F/N when she was catering a movie he was working on because Y/F/N had refused to tell her anything else for fear of Y/N chickening out (which was reasonable).

Y/N watched a handful of couples and groups of friends walking around as she approached the café, and she smiled to herself before taking a deep breath, pushing the door open, and going inside. She was half expecting her date to be late because that seemed like her luck, but to her surprise, he was standing there waiting for her. As Y/N walked over to him, she couldn’t help but notice that he was way more handsome in person. Y/F/N had shown her pictures of him at parties with her and their other friends, but they didn’t do him justice. He had messy short brown hair that suited his face shape really well, he was slightly stubbly but it looked good on him, and he was wearing a purple checkered button-down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, blue jeans, and black Converse All-Stars with mismatched socks, which immediately made him 5 times more endearing.

Matthew noticed Y/N approaching him, and he shot her a heart-stopping smile before saying, “Hi, you must be Y/N. I’m Matthew,” and holding out a hand to shake, so Y/N took it and said, “Yep, that’s me. Y/F/N’s told me a lot about you. All good things, I promise,” with a smile on her face. Matthew let out a playful sigh of relief and said, “Thank god. She has so much dirt on me that she could spill,” with a wink, which made Y/N let out an uncharacteristic giggle while she thought: “Y/F/N was right. This guy might be different”.

Matthew gestured to the seating area and said, “Shall we?”, so Y/N said, “We shall,” and followed him to a table by the window. He pulled out Y/N’s chair for her and helped her sit down, which momentarily threw her for a loop because her ex never did that once in the entire two years they were together. Y/N thanked him, and he smiled before saying, “Hey, a guy’s gotta treat a lady with respect,” and sitting down across from her. The two of them started making lighthearted banter, and Y/N couldn’t help but notice how amazing his laugh was. Whenever she told a joke, he would squeeze his eyes shut so tightly that wrinkles would form, and he’d throw his head back with laughter like he was a little boy. She was a little confused at first because her ex never thought she was funny, and Matthew clearly did, which made her feel good for the first time in a while.

They ordered coffee and a light lunch, then they continued talking. Matthew said, “I’ve honestly never met a single girl who had as many poetry books as me,” so Y/N replied, “What can I say? Edgar Allan Poe is my homeboy,” which made him laugh again before he said, “Okay, but I would totally buy a t-shirt that says that,” earning a smile from Y/N. She said, “I know a guy who has a silkscreen print shop, so I’ll have to get you in touch with him,” and took a sip of her coffee, which made Matthew grin and say, “I’ll be sure to hold you to that,” before shooting her a wink and going back to his food.

Y/N couldn’t help but blush into her mug, and she really hoped her shyness wasn’t too obvious because she’d barely spent an hour with Matthew and she could already see herself going out with him again. She couldn’t help but compare him to her ex in her brain, but only because he was so different from him. He was a gentleman, he laughed at her jokes, and the first thing he did when they sat down was compliment her outfit (which her ex only did to keep up appearances if they were out with a big group of mutual friends).

The date went on without any hitches, which Y/N was grateful for. Matthew even picked up the tab despite her protestations, and he said, “You’ll just have to get the next one, then,” which made her go pink in the cheeks at the implication that he was also already thinking about a second date. He offered to walk her to her car, and she eagerly accepted, not wanting the date to end just yet. Matthew held the door open for her, and then they walked down the block to where her car was parked, easy conversation flowing between them like they’d known each other for years instead of only two and a half hours.

Despite all of the positive feelings she was having about Matthew, she still felt the annoying urge to bring up her ex, but then he started rambling about how Muppet Christmas Carol was one of the best Christmas films of all time, which instantly snapped her back to reality as she countered with Die Hard (mostly because she wanted to see what his reaction was). A playful debate about what movies MUST be watched every Christmas season was sparked, and for the first time in a long time, Y/N knew that what was past was past.

They ended up at her car much sooner than Y/N would have hoped, and she was almost disappointed, but then Matthew said, “I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but I had a really great time today, and I was wondering if I could get your number?”, while scratching the back of his neck and holding out his phone with a hopeful smile on his face, and relief flooded Y/N’s body. She nodded enthusiastically and said, “Yeah, of course!”, before taking his phone and texting herself a simple “hey it’s matthew” so she’d know. She saved his number in her phone, then grabbed her keys out of her purse to unlock her car before turning to Matthew and saying, “Text me later?”, which made a grin spread across his face. 

He said, “Yeah. Absolutely,” and Y/N swore he went a little pink in the cheeks when she impulsively pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before saying, “Hope I see you again soon, Matthew,” and getting into her car. He stood there dumbstruck for a few seconds, then motioned for her to roll her window down so he could say, “I hope I see you, too, Y/N,” and do a dorky little bow.

Y/N giggled as she rolled her window back up and drove away, and as she watched him get smaller and smaller in her rear-view mirror, she realized that after spending eight months thinking all love did was crash, burn, and end, she just watched it begin again in a random café in downtown LA on an ordinary Wednesday afternoon. And also that she owed Y/F/N her first-born child for setting her up with the kookiest yet most endearing guy she’d ever met.

———————————————————————

MGG Taglist: @homoose

Let me know in the comments if you want to be added

[aqua-459]

Hey guys I’m gonna go a little insane about Spies are forever (I just finished watching it go watch it it’s on YouTube it’s a whole 2 hour musical for free) and my favorite VR game I Expect You To Die. Specifically I’m gonna go into both of their opening credit songs. (Spoilers for Spy’s are forever btw but not I Expect You To Die at all)

So first things first go listen to them they’re both great

So I don’t know what it is about these songs or if this is just something with spy media songs in general but there’s something about both of these songs that just scream such extreme bitterness and resentment but also so much heartbreak and betrayal in it I suppose? I know Spies Are Forever is likely intentional but I knew about I Expect You To Die first and I still always got that energy from it.

Spies Are Forever with the context feels upset and sarcastic most of the time and angry the rest of the time. Even watching it the first time I felt like there was an air of tragedy around it. I specifically feel like I can hear really heavy bitterness in the first “Once a spy always a spy” (0:42) It might just be the foreshadowing speaking well for it but it’s just such a good song that with later context becomes even more enhanced.

NOW let me talk about I Expect You To Die. From what I understand Doctor Zor and the Agent don’t really have any relationship besides Villain and Spy. HOWEVER, the opening song is seemingly sung in Zor’s POV and I have A LOT to say about it.

Obviously it has the same bitterness and hatred as other songs sung by villains but there also seems to me like a bit of frustration and almost desperation in the lyrics and some of the deliveries.

At 0:49 with the lyrics “When you finally see the worst side of me we’ll finally see eye to eye” implying that the Agent doesn’t already see the worst in them.

The small frustration in “A mere puppeteer, they only enslave you” at 1:09.

The big pause after the goodbye in this bit that starts at 1:27

I know this is mostly just general timing in the song (probably for the singer to get their breath back after that big bit) but GOD there’s just something about these songs that just hold a certain emotion for me and they make me go crazy every time I love music.

Anyway this is also a pitch for anyone with better art skills than me to make a Spies Are Forever animation or animatic or drawing or anything with the I Expect You To Die song please. Thank you for reading all of this normally I don’t write so much but I got brain worms!

[exrankluck]

Dear Vocalist Wired Momochi Translation — lonely singer [track two]

disclaimer: this is 90% AI-generated transcription and translation, some things might be inaccurate or awkward.

カレはヴォーカリスト CD「ディア ヴォーカリスト Wired」 エントリーNo.5 MOMOCHI(モモチ)

*mic sfx, music in the background (mi amigo)*

(Hello everyone watching Music Airport, I'm Veronica’s Mo•mo•chi desu~!

Yes, that's right. We're currently recording a new song for the upcoming Fes, and I can't wait to let Cheers hear it as soon as possible!

Please wait just a little longer, everyone~ That's all from Momochi from Veronica. Bye-bye!)

sigh What are the people at the agency planning to do?

Even though recording has stopped, the TV program we filmed to promote the new song is still airing.

Cheers are expecting it, right?

They should just announce that they're going solo already.

I don't know anything about them pushing back the CD release.

It's not my fault.

But it doesn't matter.

? Where was my wallet again?

So what? Do you have a problem with that?

Dinner?

I don't need it. I don't have an appetite.

Ah, found it.

I'll be late again today, so don't do anything unnecessary.

Just stay quiet here.

*phone vibrating sfx*

Oh, it's the same as last time then…

[02:52] *bar/piano sfx*

Hey... why did you come here? I told you not to go out, didn't I?

Hah? You came here just to tell me that?

I can't believe it. I always tell you to leave me alone if someone comes over.

The members...

Wait, you didn't use the intercom, did you?

Then how did you know about the members coming to my house?

I see. You went out of your way to look through the window.

Do you think I'm happy about that or something?

You always do unnecessary things. You're really stupid.

*set down drink sfx* Ah, thanks.

Can you stop making me laugh? Why do I have to chase after you all the time?

Oh, I see~ You came to make up with me.

Did you finally realize that you guys are the ones who are in trouble when I'm not around? Hahaha.

!!

Huh? But it's the truth, isn't it?

Ehh, really~?

You also think I'm the one to blame.

Traitor.

You're really the worst.

And then what?

Another excuse?

I'm really sick of it.

It's too late to say that now~

It's too late!

Say it then.

What's wrong with me?

When and where did I do something wrong?

Hey...

You can't say it, can you?

Of course not, right?

Because there's not a single thing like that.

I was able to debut as Veronica, and there's even talk of a new song and a Fes.

It's all thanks to my singing that I got those chances.

Even when I had to work with those guys, there was no benefit for me, right?

Still, I put up with it, didn't I?

And yet...

Don't mess with me.

I don't need those guys anymore.

sigh I'm fine by myself.

I'm better off alone.

If you listen carefully, you'll understand what I'm saying.

Even someone as foolish as you can get it.

*footsteps, piano fadeout, mic sfx*

Sorry for interrupting suddenly, but I'll only be a moment~ Hehe.

*applause sfx*

Thank you for watching!

Thank you very much.

[06:56]

How was it? My singing?

You know, look.

See? Everyone, not just you, thinks the same thing.

I told you, I'm a genius.

Everyone wants to hear my singing, so I'm enough on my own.

I don't need any friends. It was a mistake to form a band in the first place.

It's the same now as it was before. I realized that a long time ago.

*cigarette light sfx*

Hey, how long are you planning to stay here? It's annoying that you came here when you don’t even drink.

*drink splash sfx*

Hey… I asked you, how long do you plan on staying here?

Can you not be so conceited? There's nothing you can do anymore.

You can't even make me happy, and you never keep your promises.

...so just disappear already.

Seriously.

You're annoying.

[08:36]

Huh? It’s OK. Sorry for making a mess on the store floor.

Ah, please -

*phone vibrate sfx*

Hey, what's this? It's my phone.

Did she bring it on purpose?

sigh Tsk, seriously, she always does unnecessary things.

And to make matters worse, it's coming from one of the members. So annoying.

It would be easier if those guys weren't around.

I'm perfectly fine on my own.

…But why is it that every day, it's so boring?

[i-am-the-oyster]

Accessing the Stowe School Recording

What is the Stowe School Recording?

On the 4th of April 1963 (two weeks after the release of Please Please Me) the Beatles played a gig at Stowe School in Buckinghamshire. One of the students present (John Bloomfield) recorded the gig, and recently rediscovered that recording. He donated it to the British Library, which means anyone can go and listen to it (see below for details).

Is it worth it?

Obviously your mileage may vary, but for me that answer is definitely yes. I wasn't expecting the recording to be over an hour long, but I stayed and listened to the whole thing. I reckon I'll go back again if I can fit it in next time I'm in London.

Alright, how do I listen to it?

The recording is free to listen to, and is available in the Sound Archive at the British Library in London. The building is about 2 minutes walk from King's Cross St Pancras. (map)

You need a Reader Pass to access the room. If you're a UK citizen you can just get one on the day, but if you're not then I recommend starting the process online before you go.

You will need:

Photo ID

Proof of address

They give you an ID card that's valid for 3 years. The process was pretty straightforward and the staff are very helpful. They have very good cloakroom facilities and free secure lockers, so if you have carry-on sized luggage with you, you can store it there while you visit.

They're very strict about what's allowed into the reading rooms, so plan to use the lockers.

Once you have your card, go to the Rare Books and Music reading room on Floor 1. Marvel at the ancient tomes people are carefully examining. Find a computer with a set of headphones attached (towards the back right of the room) and set yourself up. If you have your own laptop you can use one of the empty spots in that area.

Search the catalogue for something like "Stowe Beatles". There are pages and pages of other recordings you might also like to listen to.

What's the playlist?

I Saw Her Standing There Too Much Monkey Business Love Me Do Some Other Guy Misery I Just Don’t Understand A Shot of Rhythm and Blues Boys! Matchbox From Me To You Thank You Girl Memphis Tennessee A Taste of Honey Twist and Shout Anna Please Please Me Hippy Hippy Shake I’m Talking About You Ask Me Why Till There Was You Money (there's a section here where the tape got recorded over with an incredibly annoying song) I Saw Her Standing There (reprise)

My highlights

Stowe School was an all-boys school at the time, but it's clear from the recording that there are girls at the gig.

Boys! gets a huge response, and I'm pretty sure it's Ringo singing Matchbox immediately after. Later (around 55m) the crowd starts chanting for Ringo to sing again.

There's a good amount of banter between John and Paul, not all of it very clear. I'd love a chance to sit and listen to those parts over and over again, and see what I can make out. Alas I didn't have time, and I only had the in-browser audio player, which made it basically impossible to hop around.

The crowd starts shouting out requests at some point, and some boys shout for A Taste of Honey. There's some laughter, and the timing of it sounds to me like John is mugging.

Towards the end someone shouts for How Do You Do It and one or John or Paul sings the opening phrase, with an audible smile, but they don't sing it.

Anything else?

If you can, I recommend bringing your own laptop and headphones. There are computers and headphones there, but the browser interface is not ideal for going to specific timestamps, you have limited control over volume, and I think you'd get more out of it with medium to high end headphones.

If you want to skip the truly awful song that got recorded over a section of the tape, the original comes back in around 1:01:25.

In the same building they have some of Hunter Davies's donation on display in the Treasures Gallery. This was a small selection on the day I went, and I was pretty disappointed, but they do rotate those displays every six months. It may also be possible to access the other items for research purposes, I haven't investigated that yet.

[hypnotixstorm]

It’s been awhile...

This will be quite the read, so I’ll keep it all under the cut, with a slight trigger warning. I am talking about my personal life and what I’ve been dealing with. Thank you for being understanding and taking the time to read this post. I love you all. ♡

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  *･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 

I know none of you were probably expecting this. I mean, to be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting this either. However, after still getting many messages in my inbox and love on the content I’ve posted, even though I haven’t been around in... roughly two plus years, I wanted to make a post/announcement for everyone. This is to kind of explain what’s been going on in my life and what my plans are for this blog. Thank you all so much for the continued love and support during my absence. 

So, to start off. Why have I been gone so long? Well, that’s a very, very long story that involves a lot of trauma and my personal life, so I’ll keep it as brief as possible. I dealt with a string of abusive relationships, many different jobs, moving several times (and by “several times”, I mean that I moved about 7 or 8 times within a year, including between different states), losing friends, trying to better my health, re-discover who I am, and so much more...

I’m not going to get into the details of my relationships or anything like that, but I would like to briefly talk about my health. I’ve finally gotten the chance to see doctors to get confirmed diagnoses, rather than simply wonder if I have something or not. As of right now, besides the mental illnesses I was already well aware of, I had a diagnosis that confirmed I have rheumatoid arthritis, or RA for short. For those of you that don’t know, it’s an autoimmune disease. I’ll post a link that will give you guys basic info about it so I don’t make this post even longer than it needs to be. To put it into simple terms, however, it’s a chronic autoimmune disease that mostly affects joints. RA occurs when the immune system, which normally helps protect the body from infection and disease, attacks its own tissues. The disease causes pain, swelling, stiffness, and loss of function in joints. Having a diagnosis is relieving but it’s also added a lot of stress to my life. I also have had 2 cancer scares now. The first scare (my lungs), which I got testing for, was clear. But now, on my second one (my thyroid), not so much. I have to wait a year to get retested to make sure nothing has gotten worse. It’s a lot, I know, but something I wanted to open up to you guys about.

Link: https://www.niams.nih.gov/health-topics/rheumatoid-arthritis#:~:text=Rheumatoid%20arthritis%20(RA)%20is%20a,loss%20of%20function%20in%20joints.

I also wanted to take the chance to reintroduce myself. I was still me before, but a lot of things about me were the choices of controlling ex’s, and not my own. So, hey there. My name is Stormi. I’m a 24 year old who is non-binary, born female, with no preference to pronouns. You can refer to me however you’d like, and I’ll be happy regardless. I enjoy listening to music, drawing, reading, writing, making crafts, playing video games, watching videos on YouTube, playing Dungeons & Dragons and so much more. It’s hard to encapsulate the person that I truly am over a post, but I still want to give you guys a little bit of an insight into who I truly am. 

As for my plans on this blog... I’m not quite sure. I want to start writing and posting again, I do. But my health complicates that a bit. I think I will, but I won’t take it quite as seriously. What I mean by that is not that I won’t care, but I won’t be stressing myself out with it as much as I used to. I think I’m going to delete every single ask that I have in my inbox, re-work my character masterlist and a few other things and let you guys know when requests are open. When that happens, please feel free to request! Just be patient and give me some time to get to them. Also, in regards to NSFW content, I think the only thing I’m going to be accepting is probably headcanons. Don’t get me wrong, I like my smut just as much as the next person, but it’s really difficult for me to write it at times. I also worry that everything will end up being too similar.

Anyways, if you made it through this entire post, then thank you so much. It really means a lot to me. You all have been wonderful to me over the years, and I hope you all are excited about my gentle return to the world of tumblr. Even if you guys don’t have any requests, feel free to get into my inbox just to talk. As I’ve said before, my blog is a safe space for everyone. Thank you, I love you all :)  ♡

[bisluthq]

Taylor obviously writes autobiographically a lot and is inspired by her own life but I really hate the idea that she can’t take a scenario and write it and it has to be about some specific guy and something that legit happened to her because she’s said since like pre debut she makes a lot of things up. As is normal and expected because she’s a writer yk? //

I 100% agree. People taking her lyrics as definite fact leads to a lot of people making wild assumptions but passing them off as concrete fact (e.g., she lost her virginity at Jake's sisters' house, etc). Speaking of which, I have noticed people are like especially presumptuous about her and Jake (and also her and Joe) I guess because despite their being SO much music written about it, they weren't very public so people feel the need to draw their own conclusions (in both scenarios tbf). Like it very frequently veers off into fanfic territory (almost approaching like Haylor levels, though thank God never Kaylor levels😭)

I just find it a disservice to her art?? Like she’s obviously got hyper confessional songs - it’d be delulu to deny that - but a lot of what she writes is fictionalized and metaphorical and some of it is straight up made up. Even in her made up songs, she obviously draws on personal experiences and things family and friends have gone through because that’s what good writing requires - otherwise you’re not gonna write anything especially believable or emotional. But not every fucking song is a play by play. Also, most of her songs - obviously she has entirely self-written ones - have co-writers. What that means is while the idea may be hers, and the bulk of the lyrics are hers, obviously her co-writers contribute ideas and images. I don’t understand why we’d discredit her and her collaborators’ creativity in favor of making it seem like dudes fuck songs into Taylor.