#murat wears his pelisse better than you

[ic-napology]

Murat, styling himself since 1795. I am all in for that💖

Napoleonic daily soap, episode 5: 12 Vendémiaire

Scene: The Tuileries. Evening, torch lights. People running to and fro, soldiers gathering in the courtyard, scared members of the Convention barricading themselves.

Cut to Barras’ improvised war room. A table with a map of Paris. Barras walks up and down behind it, talking to some generals gathered in front of him, among them Brune and Napoleon.

Barras:

„I do not need to tell you, gentlemen, that the situation is dire. I mean, we’re having a real crisis here, with people wanting to kill us. Again. Royalists this time. And as I do not know the first thing about military stuff, I have called for you, so that you can take care…“

Napoleon [cuts him off]:

„Why, of course you would have. And it’s a good thing you did. [walks briskly up to the table and leans over the map, the other generals follow suite, completely ignoring Barras] So, let’s see. The obvious keypoints we have to protect are [points at the map] here, here and here.“

Brune [annoyed]:

„Possibly. But what makes you think you are giving the orders here? Don’t you think you should ask our opinion first?“

Napoleon [astonished]:

„Why? I mean, is there something I overlooked, do you not agree with me?“

Brune:

„No, you’re quite right, it’s just that…“

Napoleon:

„Well, excellent. Listen, Brune, you take a couple of men and position yourself here. The other gentlemen occupy the rest of the positions I have pointed out. [turns around to Barras] And as I am the only artilleryman here, I’ll take care of the canons. We’ll position them right at the entrance of the Tuileries, in order to give those insurgents a proper welcome.“

Barras [awkwardly]

„Well, about those canons… that might be a problem.“

Napoleon:

„What problem?“

Barras:

„We don’t have any.“

Napoleon:

„No canon? But I’m an artillery general. Why did you even call for me then?“

Barras:

„Well, I thought…“

Napoleon [annoyed]:

„I really do not like it when people waste my time. Or when an employer does not even provide the proper tools for the job. I am not used to bringing my own stuff to work, that’s highly annoying. But I can see that you are in deep shit indeed, so I will let it go. Where’s the next artillery depot?“

Barras:

„There are some canons in Sablons, I am told. But I’m afraid the royalists know that, too. They’re probably already on their way to get them. And as they do outnumber us, I doubt you will find somebody dumb… I mean: courageous enough to try and get those canons to Paris before them.“

CUT to new scene: Tuileries courtyard. Darkness, a fire burning. Several cavalrymen holding in the saddle, happily chatting with each other and with some foot soldiers nearby.

Murat [on a horse, proudly tugging at his pelisse, to a soldier]

„So, how do you like it?“

Soldier:

„I do not think it’s in accordance with army regulations for cavalry uniforms.“

Murat [grinning]

Of course it’s not. It has style, unlike our army regulations. Plus, it’s my favourite colour. You have to see it in daylight.

Another cavalryman:

„I have. It’s an eyesore.“

Murat:

„Correction. It would be an eyesore on you. On me, it’s the most fetching piece of clothing one can imagine, and I dare say the ladies will pay much attention to it.“

[Napoleon’s voice from off-screen]

„Hey, you there. On the horse!“

Soldier:

„I think he means you, Murat.“

Murat:

„Impossible. If he meant me, he would have said: Hey, you there, that most handsome and dashing one on the horse! [turns around, beams at Napoleon] What can I do for you, mon général?“

Napoleon [stops to regard him]:

„I do not think your uniform is quite in accordance with army regulations.“

Murat:

„That’s quite possible, sir. We’re cavalry.“

Napoleon:

„Whatever. I have an errand for you. Do you know where Sablons is? I need somebody to go there and pick up some canon for me.“

Murat:

„Sounds easy enough. Where’s the catch?“

Napoleon:

„You have to be back before daylight, and there’s a royalist mob on the way likely to attack you. Do you think you can do it?“

Murat [sits tall in the saddle, with dramatic flourish]:

„How can you even ask me that, general? Do not doubt me, I am Joachim Murat! Here we are, I and my men, to your service, ready to give our blood for the fatherland and its republic, ready to bring those canons here before rose-fingerend Eos awakens the day, or to die trying! Let all impertinent royalists of France stand in my way, let an army of ten thousand waylay us, it will not keep me from doing my sacred duty!“

Napoleon [stares at him open-mouthed, but without a word, as realization sets in]

„You are Gascon.“

Murat [beams, proudly]

„I sure am. [the smile vanishes, he leans down from his horse to Napoleon, in a serious tone] But I will still get you those canons, sir.“

Napoleon [nods]

„Be quick.“