#mun woes

[qrowsofafeather]

someone Watched me on DeviantArt :D

they only go around begging for free art/fics :(((((

and say as much in their profile bio :/

and only joined last month >:(

edit: and now they're messaging me, quite upset that I haven't written for fandoms they want

[headlessbutnothopeless]

OOC:

idk, maybe it's just me

(this is mostly just me putting my feelings to figurative paper and screaming into the void, so you can absolutely scroll past)

Me: Hey, you deeply hurt me. Here's a calm explanation of how/why it hurt, vetted by a third party to make sure the explanation was civil. You did this before and promised not to do it again. But you did and it hurts really bad. Her: omg I'm so sorry I'll apologize right away Me: I would prefer if it was in front of the same people you deeply hurt me in front of, because they're all talking about how I'm a horrible person for having a panic attack. Her: That sounds reasonable, sure! Me: ... and without the victim blaming and threatening to hurt yourself, like your last "apology" Her: ... okay That apology? "Hey guys Aech has every right to their feelings. I hurt them and sent them spiraling into a PTSD episode. I'm a horrible person. I want to kill myself. I deserve to (incredibly graphic description of desired death)." So... I message her saying that's very not okay, and she promised not to say she's the victim. her exact response "am am I not allowed to be hurt?" yeah, because “Aech told me I hurt them. How dare they, I want to kill myself!” is the logical conclusion

Also it took 30+ hours for anyone to go "Hey is Aech okay?" Two people I'd said "hi" to a handful of times, one person I thought was chill and wanted to be friends with, one person I enjoyed friendly banter with - those are the ones who checked on me. None of my actual friends in that server. Also one of the mods told me I wasn't welcome because I'd "harassed" the person who hurt me. An actual friend did message me 40+ hours later, after seeing the one who hurt me threaten to kill herself. Ironically, this was apparently a good friend of the person who hurt me, as well. The mod who said I was her first friend? 44 hours later, I asked why she didn't do anything, when she knew this person had hurt me before, and had promised to have my back if it happened again. She says she didn't want to say anything to make me feel worse. Better if I think everyone hated me, apparently (because they were ripping me to pieces in the server). Because she says I wasn't polite enough in the middle of my panic attack where I'm flashing back to the worst moments of my life, yet still trying to remain calm enough to explain why this thing hurt so bad (something I'd posted about before and the entire server agreed wasn't okay and promised to support me).

ANYWAY that was my weekend :) I just have to get this off my chest. cause like holy fucking shit am I delusional or was this very not okay? There’s more, but it’s either not possible to be objective, I’d dox either of us, or it requires literal years of backstory fortunately I have a shitton of Xanax because of that one crackpot mental health doctor (dw I’m only taking it as prescribed)

[fairlyqualityanon]

validation makes such a difference - I can't thank enough the few people who thought I was worth the time of day, worth asking if I was okay

Instead of jumping on the "you had a PTSD meltdown and spiraled into depression, sure, but you weren't polite while slipping into suicidal ideation" bandwagon

And if someone admits they deeply hurt another person, and simple knowledge of this fact causes the perpetrator to spiral... why would nobody pause and go "oh someone else is in crisis?"

what's even more royally effed up is I'd said before how/why this thing hurts so deeply. Back then I had support. Back then I had people agreeing it was absolutely not okay.

and yet when it happens, that all flies out the window. I had the audacity to say "this person hurt me deeply" which makes them the victim and me a horrible person who harasses others

bunch of liars. one of the things I'd shared was my fear everyone secretly hated me and were waiting for a chance to push me down and start kicking

"oh we'd never do that!"

You just did. Right now.

Then they wonder why I have trust issues

Nobody bothered to ask why it mattered so much, why I was having a major panic attack. No. Straight to "how dare you, Emma!"

Couldn't even share my side of the story before they made it clear I wasn't welcome. I left. 30+ hours before a "hey u ok?"

It hurts. The people I've talked to, upon realizing I had a laundry list of reasons for reacting the way I did, completely understood. But the rest? Nah. "You are broken, how dare you, there's no reason you could possibly be upset by this"

Shut up Qrow/Emma, nobody cares is a tag for a reason

damned if I do, damned if I don't

Tell people, get called whiny and accused of trying to start fights

Keep it bottled up, because Shut up Qrow/Emma, nobody cares? I'm irrational, I'm a bully, I sent someone into a spiral simply by saying they'd hurt me (deeply, again, the exact same way as before)

It's my fault. How dare I feel feelings. I don't have the right. I just have to take it.

It hurts. So many of them said they were my friends, that they'd support me. Two people I barely knew, plus one I wanted to be friends with, those are the people who checked on me. If I was capable of crying during spirals I would be. I'm endlessly grateful to them, and the only "self professed friend who acted like a friend" who let me vent and explain why this wasn't some petty squabble but a deep wound stretching back years

.... Should probably take more Xanax, think it's wearing off.

[omalahsocs]

I'm fairly certainly it's been said many times before, but don't give up on fics just because the last update was a year or so ago. Leave your kudos and your comments because you never know when that comment is going to push someone to continue. A lot of us have documents just sitting in a folder that we haven't touched because the inspiration wilted under the lack of care.

I've got a fic that I updated just for my own pleasure *looks at the date* nine years later. Literally the first chapter was in 2014 and then I had the next update in 2023.

[marshalforgotten]

Finally! A concept for her Sonic verse! At least in flat colors. 😃

[fandom-fire-dump]

I wish I was gifted the art of drawing! I would draw Nia with the Wild Kratts crew all day if I could. But no. I was gifted with a barely passable writing talent. I just want to draw stuff! 😭

[orangetintedglasses]

( anyway have more current!outfit paper dolls-- I wasn't gonna post 'em c'ause it was more of the same but dammit, he's cute and confident and I want the serotonin so I will share )

[ancientgoldboundspirit]

// i did it. i finally did that thing where i reblogged things to the Wrong BLog

[futurefind]

//alrighty see you guys... later ewe;a yk the drill i work all afternevening tomorrow n late night sat SO

[tidesfate]

*drops mora in your lap* its yours now please watch it and make sure it doesn't get into trouble

[norts-trolls]

I took that nap anyways. I never did explain what that one poll was for did I? Anyways I made JeeHee in BG3. He is.....surviving.

<--- bitch who be putting in situations for laughs.

[swordpact]

remind me to tell y'all about my durge eventually

[rose-from-ashes]

A letter to Azem and Hythlodaeus, written long after the sundering.

"I am ashamed to admit that missing you has become routine. Not unlike the ache in one's knee that comes with age, or rather in your case, an old injury, long healed. That's the thing about healing, though- healing isn't forgetting. Scars remain. And for some, perhaps, they fade- immortality gives a very long time to grow forgetful, after all- but for me, they do not. Some of them, maybe, but I'm inclined to believe that they simply become unnoticeable, lost amidst the slew of other wounds until indistinguishable.

But yours is far too large to ever be lost that way. I compared it to an ache of the knee, but that is too mundane. With a bit of thought, I would rather say it's a hole blasted through my torso. I can cover it with clothing and claim I am fine, and strangers will agree, but all who come close begin to realize that I am missing something. When they go to touch, to cradle, to try to find comfort in me they are met with the jagged edges that should have been my softest parts. You always filled that gap like a part of me, and having lost you, I am not whole.

The wound may be scarred over, the ache a dull routine presence, but it reopens, sometimes. A day wears at me and weakens the scar tissue until I happen to randomly think of what you might have said to it, and the flesh rips open like my heart had housed a knife and wrenched it outwards to carve through the rest of me. My dying gasp is given in the form of a sob and I break down, grieve you both anew. It is only this fact that gives me comfort and eases my guilt when I catch my mind turning away from you. I did not forget you. I still love you. I still remember. I will hold you with me always, until my task is done.

Until I see you again,

Emet-Selch

Hades

Yours."

[fairlyqualityanon]

4 hours of sleep

Managed to eat and keep down a bagel

Took Xanax and swapping jokes at work

LET'S DO THIS

[omalahsocs]

Me: I should work on this original series again. It's a lot of fun and I've got some ideas for what I want to do with the story!

Also me: The fuck do you mean I have to do world building...

[theauthorlives]

"I just realised something."

"I is older than a lot of youses. Bet I could get some of the Gang on board to give some life advice they's got over the years. Advice from prison cells and whatnot, y'know?"