#mtg kin

[theriancenter]

Scrounging Bandar Icons for Anon

Base art is official art - by shreya shetty

[mtg-cards-hourly]

Root-Kin Ally

Artist: Arnie Swekel TCG Player Link Scryfall Link EDHREC Link

[theros]

sharing my satyr playlist this time around. it's in no particular order so feel free to put it on shuffle.

(you can blame a friend for the inclusion of "Rasputin". she was unfortunately correct that it has vibes for my types of satyr.)

[art-of-mtg]

Cytoplast Root-Kin (Dissension) - Thomas M. Baxa

More cards with art by Thomas M. Baxa on Scryfall

[almostlookedhuman]

[mtg-smash-or-pass]

[mtgsmash-or-pass]

[theriancenter]

scrounging bandar moodboard for anon

art is official mtg art -🍃

[emilibro]

Idk how to do this shit on tumblr let's go though

Hey I'm Emilio, or Emile for short. My pronouns are they/he/she/it and I'm kinda faggy with it broooo

- Trans people are my friends, transphobes come catch these hands

- No proshippers, zoophiles, pedos, MAPs, homophobes, acephobes racists, you know the drill... no transphobes includes TERFs GET OUTTTTTTTTT FOREVERRRR

- Furries are cool bro you're awesome show me your fursona bro let's play

- Be nice and good and kind bro world is beautiful

- I like Watchmen, Sonic, ISaT, MP100, Dunmeshi, NGE, AITSF, Life Tastes Like Cardboard.. and a lot of other things dude.... I like so much. There's so much media bro let's consume it together bro

- I like drawing, film, biking, reading, hiking, gaming... also MtG is so fun vro

- lets be cringe. Together!!!

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Personal Tagz

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#i got something to say

original posts by me where I rant about shit. Based on the first lyric to Last Carress by Misfits!

#interesting critter

youre just like me fr!! I'd say this!!! In other words posts I relate to

#power of shadows

funny as fuck ill think about this forever. Based on an Aunty Donna bit I can't stop repeating. I'll likely use these as stim material

#break the waistband

horny. surely you understand. or i just think that something in a post gives someone an attractive quality or somethin'

#never compromise

Kinning and loving characters and going crazy over media!! Based on a line from Rorschach from hit graphic novel Watchmen.

#just extreme empathy

posts I want to revisit. These are important to me whether they're funny as all shit or just emotionally valuable. Based on lyrics to Unforgiving Girl/Unforgiving World by Car Seat Headrest.

#shakes butt

Fave art by other awesome artists! Based on. Well. Erm.

#hot dog hallway

My personal art gallery! Based on the iconic Junpei line from hit Uchikoshi game 999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors.

#----posting

the name of a friend-posting! shit that feels like my friends would say it. #teivaposting may be more popular

#just some or most days

empathetic, cute, wholesome, etc. things that make me want to live another day

thanks for visiting!! I'll try to be more active in posting art but honestly I'm just having fun here. If you're a mutual ASK MY ABOUT MY SOCIALS!!!! let's talk sometime if you want! :))

[monorayjak]

Part 2

Green: Seems like a logical step.

White: Since when do you use logic?!

Green: …Since forever.

White: BUT LOGIC IS BLUE????

Green: No, it isn’t. Logic is just fitting the puzzle pieces together. Blue takes the puzzle it makes and then decides to take it back apart and cut it into new shapes to make a new picture.

White: What fucking bizarro universe am I fucking living in…

Black: One where we work together apparently.

Green: Anyways… Black, you were saying?

Black: Oh right. Well, White, I can respect your ability to lead others to follow you. That you can somehow convince another person to willingly kill themself for a goal that has no benefit to them.

White: Huh?

Black: Like when a person puts themselves in harm way to protect you.

White: …Self sacrifice?

Black: Yeah, that.

White: I don’t convince them to do tha-

Black: Oh for fucks sake get off your high horse already. You indoctrinate them from birth. You teach them that you, your fancy morals and laws, mean more than they do. You kill them all the same, you just don’t pull the trigger. You get them to do it.

White: I feel you are misunderstan-

Black: Shut it fucker. I was saying thats what I respect about you, lets now get into the nitty gritty here.

White: …sure?

Black: Ok, well, that leaves Green.

Green: Ears all open.

Black: Well, me and you both agree the strong thrive. We both take from the weaker and make the top dog better. Each thing you’re involved in puts itself first and others last. I can respect that.

Green: Ok, sure.

Black: Ok, and both of you together… I mean, I respect and admire the survival you two can achieve. That you easily outlast any other combo. Neither of you are willing to stop until you absolutely must.

White: Hmm… Ok, so… what now?

Black: I don’t know… Guess we should… figure out how we put this all together?

Green: Sounds about right.

Black: Ok, so, we have the eternal cycle of life and death, the endurance to survive, the understanding that no matter how the world looks, someone has to be at the top of the pecking order. We can agree that death happens, and that we matter more than others.

White: Ok, how about this for a first idea; expand your view of the top dog.

Black: What?

White: Don’t let a single person have the power, make it a group.

Green: What if that group was the wisest of the society?

White: Power tempered with experience.

Black: Ok, fine, that’s a concession I can make, but I draw the line at letting fragile old men make the rules. The powerful rule, and they are far from powerful.

Green: Ok, ok… what if… what if we based the society around some form of necromancy?

White: What???

Green: Hear me out; some FORM of necromancy. Not just necromancy.

Black: I’m listening.

Green: Ok, so imagine this. An elder of the group dies, but instead of mourning the loss, they use some kind of magic to regrow them. They plant seeds or something in their body. They use magic to grow the seeds and bind the person to them… the person’s soul inhabits a tree body. One that can be bruised and broken with no repercussions.

Black: I like it!

White: Ok sure, but how does that include me at all? That seems like just you two playing together!

Green: What if… what if wasn’t a single person in each tree.

White: What do you mean?

Green: What if it starts with one person… but some portion of people are given to that person, and when they die they become bound, physically and spiritually to the tree.

Black: Hmm… interesting.

Green: That really only leaves the question of how its decided and how many people there are…

White: Nine.

Black: Huh?

White: Nine people… tree… things.

Black: Why nine?

White: It’s an odd number that is close to ten. That way there are no stalemates in decisions.

Black: Fair enough I suppose.

Green: So how do we define these nine? Who ends up with what?

White: What if the territory was divided into nine sections…

Black: And each tree was a living embodiment of the generations in each area…

Green: Huh… that… that kind of works honestly.

White: I can agree to that.

Black: Sounds like a plan to me.

Wedge Talks - Abzan (Part 1 - This one got looooooooooong)

Black, green, and white - Power through opportunity, growth, and structure. Black: Power is all that matters in this world White: Since when? Black: Since forever White: Ugh… why do I have to work with you Green: same reason I have to deal with them Black: Ah great, I’m with you two this time, fun times White: Yeah no shit. We aren’t exactly happy about this either. Green: For fucks sake can we just get this over with already? Black: Yeah, lets do what we got to do already White: Good… so how do we start? Black: Guess I should give my vision of a perfect world? Or goal? White: Everyone but you being dead? We already know that. Black: That is not what a perfect world looks like. That sounds like a personal  hell. Green: Wait, seriously? Black: Yes! I’m all about myself but that doesn’t mean I want to be alone for the rest of eternity. White: Ok, ok, so give us the run down then. Black: Ok, so, to me, a perfect world is one where I am in charge. One where no one can help or even fathom to oppose me, that those I care for are treated as I feel they should be, that those I hate be treated as I feel they should be, and that everyone obeys my will. Green: So……..dictatorship? Black: Eh… I guess? White: Honestly I can understand Black: I’m sorry what? What did you just say? White: A dictatorship can be the easiest distribution of power. Green: Ok this is a little terrifying White: What? Green: You two are agreeing on… being a dictator White: And? Green: That doesn’t make you feel just a bit odd? White: Not really. As much as I dislike working with this asshole, they have things I can respect. Black: Say what now? White: What? Black: You respect me? White: In some ways, yes. Black: Like…? White: Ugh, well, I guess I respect your dedication to a goal, as fleeting as that dedication can be. If you want something, you make sure you end with it. Black: Huh… neat. I guess… I guess I also respect the both of you? Green: Ok, so as odd and unsettling as this has been, I do have to admit I can respect your own brand of survival. Black: What do you mean? Green: No matter the case, if something is linked to you, it will find a way back to the world of the living. No matter how deep in the dirt it winds up. White: Isn’t that like… antithetical to your whole point Green? Green: No. Life and death are cyclical. One ending is the exact same as the other beginning. Life, say for example, a lion being born, leads to death, say a prey being killed by that lion to feed itself. The lion is not in the wrong for killing for food. Black: See! Power means everything! Green: Not exactly. Black: What?! But you just said! Green: Yes, but also the lion will one day die, no matter how much it fights. White: But how does that…? Green: The lion will die. Their body will decompose. Fungus feed on that decaying meat. The plants grow from the infusion of materials the fungus fails to eat. Those plants will in turn be eaten by a prey animal. A prey animal that yet another lion will eat. And the cycle continues. Things change, yes, but one leads to the other. Cause and effect. White: …wow… never thought of it like that. Black: Ok… so I guess I should admit what I respect of you both?

[theros]

quick note: i use satyr and faun interchangeably for myself, but default to "satyr" out of habit when writing

anyway

i want to talk more about being a satyr sometimes, but i feel like my experience will largely be unrelatable to other satyrs and fauns because in addition to being a general folklore satyr, i'm also two types of satyrs from specific fictional sources. and one of them is definitely pretty outside of the normal experiences of being a satyr because it incorporates so much of that world's specific form of rules and societal formation and also i had gods-damned claws and fangs/unusually sharp canine teeth that i don't ever see anyone else discussing unless it's in relation to a non-satyr kintype

[almostlookedhuman]

[chucapybara]

they made my kin into marketable plushies

bonus:

capybara mtg cards!! (i literally don't need them for my decks but i got the basking capybara anyway just for collection's sake)

[mtgsmash-or-pass]

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES

[SUBMISSIONS ARE ALWAYS OPEN]

All submitted characters will be turned into polls posted by the main blog, so they will be effectively anonymous.

The full name of the card you want to submit is required. Pictures are optional but welcome! Please make sure if a card has multiple alternate arts to include the set name or a picture so I can use the right one. Otherwise I will simply take a stab at what I thought you thought is The Sexiest, or simply my favorite art.

ANIMALS

Antro animals are obviously welcome! If they can walk and talk like a person, presumably they can smash or pass like a person too. Creatures that are pretty clearly just Regular Animals will not be accepted as submission.

Acceptable animal examples:

Mabel, Heir to Cragflame

Jace, the Mind Sculptor

Smelt-Ward Minotaur

Ajani’s Pridemate

Brave-Kin Duo

Rejected animal examples:

Ygra, Eater of All (Calamity Beasts canonically non-sapient)

Savannah Lions

Garrison Cat

Armory Mice

MONSTERS

Monsters are MtG’s bread and butter, and here on The Monsterfucker Website we’re obviously going to get some interest in them. Given that MtG card lore is not always immediately present, and monsters aren’t real anyway, it will generally be assumed most monsters are acceptable to smash. This rule will be enforced much looser than other rules, given that monsters are not real and people can want to fuck a Phyrexian or the Overlord of the Hauntwoods if they really want.

Approved Monster Identification Examples:

Werewolves, Minotaurs, Cat-Folk, Centaurs, Saytrs, Mermaids, and any other half-human monsters

Goblins, Orcs, Kithkin, Cactusfolk, and other fantastical races designated as “Humanoid races” or “sapient races” in mtg lore or fan wikis.

Monsters wearing clothes and acting like people

Cards where the monster is shown to be able to think/talk to a human degree in the card art or flavor text

Universes Beyond/Secret Lair/Forgotten Realms etc. based cards where the monster is known to be sapient in the external lore, even if said information is not available on the card.

NO CHILDREN

This should be obvious, but given Magic cards don’t exactly list if a character is 18+ on them, cards that “look adult” will be accepted on good faith. If you see a card posted that you KNOW is a child, please let me know through the askbox or messages for review and potential takedown.

Example children that will not be accepted:

Aminatou, Veil Piercer

Child of the Pack // Savage Packmate (Savage Packmate would be rejected under the implication they ARE Child of the Pack, despite appearances)

Toby, Beastie Befriender

Meddling Youths

Cloistered Youth

Duplicate Submissions

Alternate art of a posted card must wait 1 week after the previous poll for that card has concluded to be accepted.

Identical art of a posted card must wait 2 months after the initial poll concluded to be accepted.

We’re starting with a queue of the cards that inspired this blog, along with a journey through my personal collection of cards I thought people might be interest in voting on. After that runs out it’ll be down to submissions and personal findings! But while we get through this queue, submissions will always be bumped to the front of the queue!

[cmesinic]

Moscow Traitor Gangrene should be locked in the closet.

[aeronics]

thank u for the tag @fizzy-watches-dps :)) this is the first time ive been tagged in one of these sorry about the wack formatting it needs to look good to appease my little monkey pea brain top 5 books: lord of the flies, wuthering heights, cant think of any others rn

top 5 shows/movies: dead poets society, midsommar, little miss sunshine, the batman [2022] [are you seeing the paul dano theme yet], there will be blood, dont hug me im scared

fav movie genre: idk the weird slice of life ones that have no point like little miss sunshine or just psychological horror

top fandoms you're in: dead poets society, south park ig, some of the og lets play youtubers (markiplier, jse, etc.), life is strange 1+2, metal family

top fandoms you’d like to join: scp foundation stuff, the welcome home arg

top artists you listen to: abba, ghost, gorillaz, la dispute, crywank, wilbur soot's old music, msi [i dont support their actions at all]

top songs currently: to be alone with you - sufjan stevens, voulez-vous - abba, tous les mêmes - stromae

a song that describes you perfectly: iris - goo goo dolls

top music genres currently: [according to spotify stats] rock, pop, permanent wave, indie, modern rock

favourite music genre: oh god idk uhhhh id just say rock if i had to pick

love language you're most comfortable giving: acts of service

love language you like receiving: physical touch, quality time

favourite aesthetics: liminalcore?? grunge, gross boyish boy things idk how else to word that [maybe transmasc-core]

characters you kin: stephen meeks [dead poets society], kinda charlie dalton [dead poets society], ches [metal family], richard cameron [dead poets society, listen i have my reasons], red guy [dhmis], nathan prescott [lis], max caulfield [lis], dwayne hoover [little miss sunshine], todd anderson [dead poets society], scott tenorman [south park, idc he listens to radiohead too], michael/tall goth [south park]

fav colour and why: grey, nice n neutral and chill or red bc it looks good on everything

interests i would like to talk about: just random obscure facts i have collected [..whales sometimes explode when they die], also the dark web, also morbid history things, also dead poets society and how we were robbed of the deleted scenes, also the 4th dimension, also philosophy and politics

fav animal/s: raccoons, cats, basking sharks

favourite season: summer or winter i can never decide

favourite weather: sunny with a breeze or violent thunder and lightning

sixteen personalities type: intp-t

mtg colour quiz results: planeswalker of the jeskai way, a combination of blue, red, and white apparently

kinda not serious fears: baby birds opening their mouths to be fed [its fucking horrific]

random tags [sry if u have already been tagged!]: @elistudies @springlikesmile @taciturnpoet @pinkobsessedfreak @dpsthinker and anyone else who wants to