#msu is playing pretty well today

[oncamelliastreet]

blasting super graphic ultra modern girl in my headphones while watching college basketball just seems like the biggest power move to me idk

[korra-the-red-lion]

Unnatural Affairs. Chapter 1: Move In Day.

(Ally)

The first day of university was one of those exciting yet absolutely terrifying things. Luckily, it was just move in day and that gave me a week reprieve before I actually went to my first class. Still, the anxiety of moving away from home was something you couldn’t help, even if you don’t always get along your parents. Being on your own, expected to fend for yourself alone. That made me shiver to my core.

The car bumped along the road as we approached the campus. My dad said something to my mom under his breath, for her ears only. I didn’t mind, too busy focusing on the school buildings coming into view. It wasn’t a massive campus, but that fit me just fine. I grew up in a small town, so a smaller university was the least overwhelming choice for me to pick. I originally got accepted into Chester University, but with a student population of 45,000, I could feel my heart rate increase just reading about it. My dad was disappointed that I didn’t go to Perkins, his alma mater, but it was just so far away and quite frankly, had a reputation as a party school. No, not for me, thank you very much. I liked that Mount Seamus had a small student population (only 3,000) and was close enough to home that I could go back if I needed to (only an hour and half drive).

“Alexandra,” said my mom, looking over her shoulder, “how are you feeling?”

I tore my gaze away from the window. “A little nervous, if I’m being honest. Excited too, but mostly nervous.”

She smiled at me. “Perfectly normal. I think you’ll be great, sweetie.”

I smiled back at her, before returning my eyes back to the window. We were rolling up to the drop off spot for students. My parents would drop me off there and take my things to my room. I was happy for a chance to be away from them for a short time. I loved them, but sometimes they could be a tad bit stifling. It will be nice to be able to explore on my own for awhile before having to do the whole tour with them.

The car bumped to a stop. I undid my seatbelt, breathing slowly through my nose. I could feel my nerves trying to get the better of me. My mom reached around and placed her hand on my shoulder, giving me an encouraging nod. I nodded back to her and opened the door, the warmth of the August air hitting me.

“We’ll drop your stuff off and meet you at the student services building, okay?” said mom.

I nodded, not trusting my voice right now.

Mom reached out the window and kissed my hands, filling me with warmth, calming me down a little. My dad looked over and mumbled out a ‘good luck’ before they drove off. My dad wasn’t a man of many words, and it was having a hard time with me moving out. I just hoped that he’d open up a bit more before we got here, but clearly that wasn’t happening. Still, there was still time.

The sound of music and people cheering drew my attention. They were holding up signs that welcomed the new students, signs pointing people in the right direction, and just general fun vibes coming from that direction. That’s where I needed to be, so that’s where I went.

The music was a little too loud for my liking, but I just dealt with it. I didn’t have to be at this spot for too long. A student spotted me and waved at me to come over. She grinned as I approached, high fiving her friend. She had her hair tied up in a high ponytail. The colours of the school were painted on her cheeks, nearly hiding the smattering of freckles that spread across her nose and maybe her cheeks. Her friend was a bit shorter, with her hair done in a messy bun and wearing matching face paint.

“Hey-o, welcome to MSU, frosh,” said the freckled girl excitedly. “Is this your first time on campus?”

I nodded shyly, trying to not take a step back. The anxiety was trying to overwhelm me again.

“Nice! I’m Lyn, and this is my buddy Loryn!” she indicated the girl next to her. “We’re here to show people around and help out with anything you need for today.”

“If you want it, that is,” added Loryn quickly, maybe noticing my discomfort.

“Yes, totally!” Lyn looked back and forth between us, frowning slightly for a second before grinning again. “This is not mandatory by any means. It’s more like, uh, a more personalized tour? Some people find the whole group thing super overwhelming and shit, so we do this so people can just have some one on ones.”

“I would like that, actually,” I said with a smile. “If you don’t mind showing me around, Lyn, that would be lovely.”

Lyn winked at Loryn before coming around the table. “Hehe, another win for me, Loryn. If you don’t pick it up, cleaning the locker room sure is gonna suck for you.”

“Shut up and just show the poor girl around. Oh, and try not to be too loud, Lyn.”

Lyn rolled her eyes and indicated me to follow her. She was tall, probably around 6ft or something close to that. I didn’t notice it before, because I was distracted by the blue and white painted all over her face, but she had stunning electric blue eyes. The kind that most girls envied. They really popped against the paleness of her skin.

She must have noticed me looking as she turned towards me a little bit more, her eyes searching mine. Her face softened and she said to me, “You must be really nervous, huh?”

“I am, yeah…” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “It’s my first time away from home, from my parents, you know? You dream of moving out and being on your own for so long, but when the day comes, all you want do is go back home and wish you can just live there forever.”

Lyn nodded. “I get that, totally. Hopefully you’ll adjust here quickly, but girl, don’t feel bad about homesickness. Most of us feel it.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I’m Ally, by the way,” I said quickly. It totally slipped my mind to introduce myself earlier, but it occurred to me when she called me ‘girl.’

“Ally, huh? That’s a nice name,” she smiled at me again. “Okidoki, let’s get down to business, shall we? This is here is the main campus, where you’ll find all the classroom buildings and the library. The residence buildings are all located around the main campus, but no building is longer than a 10-minute walk around here. Food hall is over on the east side, over yonder,” she pointed to where I assume the meal hall was located, “so it’s nice depending on which res you’re in. I was in Lukas Hall, which was close to the AC but across from the food hall, so I always had to pack snacks for after practice in case I couldn’t grab something before class.”

“Sorry, but what’s the ‘AC’?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.

“Shit, sorry, you’re new. It’s the Athletic Centre, where I spend most of my days.”

I bite my lip in thought, looking her up and down, trying to guess what sport she played. She was tall and had lean muscle. She was wearing flip flops and track pants, her toes had chipped nail polish on them. She was wearing a university t-shirt, but it gave no indication to which team she was on. She was smirking at me with her arms crossed over her chest, knowing I was trying to guess.

“Okay, um, basketball?” I guessed.

She laughed with a gentle shake of her head. “Nope! I’ll let you guess one more time.”

Damn, okay. She wasn’t too bulky, so I knew basketball was a risky guess. I think volleyball is wrong too. There were no scraps or bruises on her knees and legs to indicate that she played soccer or hockey.

I smiled brightly when it came to me. “Swim team!”

Lyn broke out in a huge grin. “Damn, yeah! How’d you guess?”

“Well, I didn’t notice any bruising on your skin. So, it kind of eliminated contact sports. I did think maybe you did cross country or swimming because of your build. You’re muscular, but it’s not heavy muscle like other sports. It’s the kind of muscle required for endurance. But then I saw your toes…for the most part they look fine. I feel like a runner would have more calluses and swelling down there. Therefore, the logical conclusion had to be swimming,” I explained.

Lyn gave a low whistle and shoved her hands in her pockets. “Well damn, Ally. That was pretty freaking good. You wanna be a PI or something?”

I blushed as I shook my head. “Not really. I just always had a knack for noticing details.”

“Well, that’s a pretty cool knack. I’m shit with details, so there’s no way in hell I could have guessed that just from sizing someone up. Come on, I’ll show ya the rest of the campus and we’ll head over to the meet up spot. I assume your parents are meeting you there?”

I nodded and we were off again. Lyn was honestly not great at explaining where things were, since she would just vaguely point in the direction and tell me the building names, even though I didn’t know much about them. But, she was really nice and friendly. I actually ended up forgetting about how anxious I was about this whole thing and ended up really enjoying the tour. I knew I’d end up doing it with my parents again anyway, so I didn’t mind that this wasn’t the gold standard tour given out by the university coordinators.

Eventually we ended up back to where I met her and Loryn, who was now gone. Maybe she was giving someone else a tour. Lyn directed me to where my parents were waiting for me. My mom was checking her phone, and when our eyes connected, I realized I never took it out once while I was with Lyn. I guiltily pulled it out from my purse and saw that I had three missed texts and a missed called from her. If I was anxious about moving out, my mom was way worse.

Of course, I understood why. Ever since I was a little kid, I noticed things that other people didn’t. At first, my parents chalked it up to youthful imagination but after great grand dad passed away and I told Nana that he wanted to apologize for how he treated her and Betty when they were growing up, my parents came to the conclusion that there was something wrong with me. There isn’t, in the traditional sense. It just seems as if I could connect to the supernatural aspects of this world. It wasn’t normal, and it really upset my dad quite a bit. I tried to make sure I never talked about it once I got old enough to understand how they felt about the situation, but there were times that it slipped. Like at Kat’s 13th birthday bash, which I ended up having a panic attack at because I swore that I saw some sort of demon crawling out of the garden shed. I think my mom just didn’t want me to feel like an outcast again, but university is supposed to be a new beginning, right?

“Sorry, mom. I was talking to someone and just forgot to check my phone,” I said, a wave of shame washing over me.

My mom, a human scanner when it came to people I was with, looked Lyn up and down before nodding slowly, meaning she approved. My dad, however, stared at her for a solid minute of silence. Lyn shifted foot to foot uncomfortably and tugged at her ear.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked under her breath.

“No, you didn’t. My dad is just very overprotective and tends to do this stupid act to scare people away,” I muttered back.

Finally, my dad clicked his tongue and nodded as well. “I’m glad that you found someone to show you around,” he said slowly.

“Yes, Lyn was very nice to do that,” I said. “The campus is lovely, and it will be nice to have a familiar face to see.” This drew a smile onto Lyn’s freckled face.

“Your daughter is super awesome,” she said to my parents, “but I can’t stick around much longer, unfortunately. Gotta go back and see if there are any other frosh who need my attention, you know?” She spared me a goodbye wink before sauntering back over to her table, where some guy was there instead of Loryn.

I found myself staring over at her before my attention was drawn back to my parents, especially my mom. She had a map of the campus and started asking me where everything was and how close I was to the major buildings (those being meal hall, the library, and the student centre in case I needed campus security for any reason).

I had a feeling this second tour was going to be much longer than the one I just had.

XXX

My parents helped me set everything up in my room. It wasn’t a big space, but that was to be expected. I’m an only child, so the real adjustment is learning how to share the space with another person. She wasn’t here at the moment; she went to supper with her parents. My mom offered to go picked something up so we could eat it here, leaving me alone with dad.

My relationship with my dad was…complicated at best. He was loving and looked out for me, but it was also difficult for him to come to terms with the more… how to say, unnatural aspects of my personality. He grew up as a devout Catholic, so these kinds of things just made him uncomfortable. I remember when I was 9 years old and being told I wasn’t allowed to go over to Chris Parks’ house anymore because his older brother used a Ouija Board during a Halloween party, and my dad was convinced the house was filled with evil spirts since.

So yeah, sometimes it was hard to get along with him. It didn’t matter how many times I explained myself to him, he was always harsh with judgement. It’s not like I woke up one day and asked for this. Trust me, if I had the choice, I’d be much happier living in a world of naivety like the other kids. I’ve had to go to therapy and be prescribed meds to help control my anxiety about seeing dead people and demons. That kind of shit scars you, doesn’t matter what age.

I was humming a tune to a song that helps me stay calm while making sure my poster of Supergirl was straight when I heard my dad clear his throat. Dropping my shoulders in anticipation, I looked over with a frown.

“Yes, dad?”

“Take a seat, I just want to chat before your mom gets back,” he said, patting a spot on my bed next to him.

Wary of what was coming next, I sat with my shoulders curled into towards my body. I fiddled with the arm of my glasses and waited for him to speak. There was no point in rushing him when he got like this.

“Alexandra, I know that growing up, I was harsh with you when it came to…” he waved his hand at me, “…you know. But, it was only for your own good. This here? This is a new chance, a chance to start fresh. No one here knows about your…you know. You can make friends, maybe even get a girlfriend. But baby girl, promise me that you won’t go looking for those kinds of dark things. Promise me you’ll just be ordinary, okay?”

There it was. Ordinary. The word was like a punch to the face every time he said it. I could feel my face grow hot with shame and anger as I got to my feet. “I- dad…you know I hate it when you say it that way…” my voiced cracked as I tried to keep it together.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Alexandra. I just want you to have a good time here and not-”

“What? Not screw up?” I turned away from him, feeling the tears welling up.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“That’s how it sounded to me!”

Dad got to his feet as well and try to put his hand on my shoulder, which I shrugged off, not wanting him to touch me. I hated that he made me feel dirty about this.

“Listen, Alexandra, just…I’m sorry, okay? I just want to know you’ll be safe while you’re here.”

I rolled my eyes and forced myself to take a deep breath. “Okay, whatever dad.”

Whatever dumb thing he was going to say next was interrupted by mom coming in with the food. I quickly wiped at my eyes and forced myself to face them both. My mom’s eyes were red and puffy, clearly from crying in the car. Well, there I go too. I burst into tears and pull my mom into a tight hug, trying to take in her everything. I was ready to get away from home, I swear. But leaving my mom was harder than anything else in the whole world.

There we stood, sobbing onto each other’s shoulders while the food got cold beside us.

XXX

I stood on the corner as my parents drove away, my mom waving to me from the window. I had no more tears to spill, so I stood there in painful, hallow silence. Finally, when the bugs started to get too awful for me to deal with anymore, I made my way back to my residence. MacGavin hall was considered one of the better residences on campus, which is why my parents insisted I stayed there. I wasn’t going to argue with them, since they were paying.

I swiped my student card against the reader and pulled the door open once it beeped green. I made my way back to my room in miserable silence. There was already music blasting from someone’s room, and some of the students were sharing alcohol in the hall. Obviously, the RA was either a party person themselves, or they just didn’t care. To be honest, I didn’t care myself at this time.

I opened my door and saw that my roommate, Sarah I think, was sitting on her bed, headphones in. She rolled over with similar puffy eyes and smiled weakly at me.

“Same boat, huh?”

I nodded with a laugh. “Uh, yeah. That was way harder than I thought it would be.”

“Right?” She sat up, rubbing her face. “I was like, so excited to leave home and be like, independent from them. But then when it like, occurred to me that I wouldn’t be waking up in my house tomorrow… it sorta just like, hit me so hard. I ended up snotting in my salad.”

Okay, that made me genuinely laugh. I sat down on my bed and we ended up sort of just talking through the rest of the night, until we both fell asleep.

Maybe the first day of moving away from home was exciting and the start of a new journey. But those movies and books never talked about how hard it could be to let go. They never talked about the tears and the empty feeling of knowing that you just left everything you knew behind. It never talked about the fear that came with being in an unfamiliar place. As I drifted off, I knew I would be okay, even if it took a few days. But man, did my heart ache.

[gayenerd]

This is the interview with Adrienne that is teased in that Mankato punk blog I talked about awhile ago.

Green Day frontman's wife remembers Mankato

By Amanda Dyslin

The Free Press

July 01, 2009 04:38 pm

— Adrienne Nesser, living in Mankato in her early 20s, had a long-distance friendship and flirtation with a guy so interested in her, he and his band planned tours around Minnesota just so he could see her.

Green Day wasn’t famous at the time. In Adrienne’s own words, they were just another band she had seen a couple of times in the Cities.

They were both also seeing other people. But there was something pretty powerful that must have connected them over a distance of thousands of miles. There had to be. Otherwise, she never would have agreed to leave her home state of Minnesota to move to California to be with him.

Just weeks later, they were married July 2, 1994, Adrienne was pregnant with the couple’s first of two sons, and Green Day’s album “Dookie” became a household name. All of this seemed to happen over night.

Finding Adrienne and talking to her about all of this was a big part of our Campaign Green Day mission. (See accompanying story for background.) Today, we accomplish that goal as Adrienne talks to us about life in Mankato, including her favorite Pagliai’s pizza toppings, how quickly her life changed when she headed West, and also the big question we’ve been pursuing for weeks: Would Green Day ever come back to Mankato to play a show?

Free Press: Tell me a little bit about your college experience at Minnesota State University. Were you a studier? A partier? On the student senate?

Adrienne Armstrong: I was a transfer student to MSU. I was at the U of M for a few semesters, then Minneapolis Community College. I was dating my then boyfriend who lived in Mankato, so it seemed a good place to go to finish my degree.

I loved school, especially when I was in the more focused classes of my degree. And I was definitely a partier. I found it easy to balance both. I loved the What’s Up, and for the life of me can’t remember the name of the bar across from Pagliai’s that I absolutely loved. (Square Deal?)

I graduated in 1993, but I had turned in a paper after one of my classes ended, and the professor never posted the grade. I had to call the school to argue the fact. They finally sent my degree in 1996.

FP: Why sociology? What interested you about the subject and what career did you have in mind?

AA: I have always loved the dynamics of social groups, clicks and society classes. It’s what triggered my interest in social justice and being an activist. I really didn’t have any career in mind while going through college. Occasionally, I would think of getting a credential to teach, but it was always a fleeting idea.

FP: You seemed to have a ton of jobs while you were here. Your Mankato friends have listed Pier 1 Imports, the Piercing Pagonda, Pagliai’s and The Jungle among them. Am I missing any? Any favorites?

AA: I really only had a few jobs in Mankato. It was hard for me to find a job because I had dreadlocks and dressed kinda funky. So the first place that took a chance on me was The Jungle and the bowling alley. It was a trip. I really liked working there, and the bowlers warmed up to me.

I worked at Pagliai’s all through college, and that was super fun. I worked with lots of my friends and the pizza was awesome. I worked at Pier 1 after I graduated. I was a manager there. I loved that job. I was hired at the very beginning; we put the store together from the ground up. The people I worked with were fun, and I loved running the store. I remember unloading a truck full of merchandise with 70 below windchills. The whole town was shut down. Good times!

FP: Do you have any favorite moments in Mankato? Any night or event or time that really stands out for you when you think about your college years?

AA: My entire experience of living in Mankato was fantastic. I loved living there. It was a small town with such a heart. Camping in our friends T-PEE, the festivals in Sibley Park, tubing in the storm drains, biking, which seemed, at the time, the biggest hill to campus, and the really cool friends/people I hung out with.

FP: I read you met Billie Joe in 1990 at a show in Minneapolis. Had you heard his music before that show? How famous would you say Green Day was at the time?

AA: I met Green Day for the first time at a house party in Dinkytown. A friend of mine invited me to a party on the Fourth of July. So I went with my boyfriend at the time to check out the bands.

I saw a couple songs, then we left to watch fireworks. The next day they played The Varsity. I ended up going to that show, too. My friend, Erica, introduced me to the guys that day. I wouldn’t say they were famous.

I mean, I went to a lot of shows ... saw a lot of bands. They were just another band. This was the first time they played Minnesota.

FP: Was it difficult having a relationship long-distance when Billie Joe was on tour after you’d first met?

AA: Billie Joe and I were friends first. And never tried to be exclusive. I was in a dwindling relationship that was off and on. And I know he dated many other girls. We grew over time. After I graduated from college, I finalized the break-up with my longtime boyfriend and was single for almost a year. During that time, I saw Billie Joe a few times, but it wasn’t until I moved out to California that things solidified pretty quickly.

FP: I couldn’t get anyone to clear this up for me: Was it because of you that Green Day started coming to Mankato and playing shows? Or was Mankato a part of their early touring locations?

AA: Umm ... probably. : )

He booked a mini tour that started in Sioux Falls, S.D., and then came through Mankato, Minneapolis, to Beloit, Wis. So yes, to see me. Very Romantic ... .

FP: Talking to people around here now, it seems like the band was playing shows everywhere here in town: garages, basements and that show on a farm near St. Peter. Was it really like that? Or was it just a few shows that just sort of popped up when they happened to be here?

AA: Green Day always played anywhere, any time. So when they were in town as a band they would play garages, basements, street corners and even that farm on top of spools. Billie Joe came to Mankato a few times on his own for visits as well.

FP: Did you have any idea in the early days of your relationship that Green Day was going to hit the big time?

AA: I really didn’t think of it. I just knew that I loved the band and their music. They were so fun to watch live. ... But it wasn’t in my thoughts at all what their future held. I remember being with a friend in Minneapolis, and we were watching MTV, and their “Basket Case” video came on. It freaked us out. We were like “Oh My God, how crazy!! They are on TV!”

FP: A few people who knew you said your decision to move out West to marry Billie Joe happened quickly. It was like one minute you were here and then you were gone. Was that how you remember it, too? Were you scared?

AA: Billie Joe had asked me to move out to California and give us a try. I was Totally scared. But super excited. It was a new adventure, and I was ready. I had a big garage sale — sold as much as I could, including my favorite blue creepers, packed a mini U-Haul and drove out with my 15-year-old brother and my friend, Holly, who was already making the trip. I figured I’d give it the summer and see what happened.

FP: It seems as if shortly after you were married “Green Day” and “Dookie” became household names. What was that time like for you? Was it strange to suddenly be living the life of a celebrity? Is it still strange?

AA: I was out two weeks and Billie Joe asked me to marry him. It was crazy. But it was a crazy time for us — and I said yes. It was a whirlwind. I was pregnant, and his band was everywhere. It was completely overwhelming. We were just trying to navigate it all — it was a bumpy ride for sure. It took years for us to find our footing. ... But sometimes I think it was all those trials that made us stronger and brought us to where we are today.

FP: What’s your life like now?

AA: It feels pretty normal for me now. I am a mother of two amazing kids. So I am busy with school, sports and all their activities. And Billie Joe’s life keeps us busy. It’s never boring ... that’s for sure.

FP: What are your roles at Atomic Garden and Adeline Records? Does that keep you pretty busy?

AA: My friend and I are partners in Atomic Garden. She’s a very good friend who is amazing and patient. I work as much as I can when I am in town, and we do all the buying together. We have an incredible manager who does most of the day-to-day stuff. She allows us to live our lives and still have such a beautiful store. I don’t do anything with Adeline Records anymore. I worked the label for years when it first started. But I have moved on. : )

FP: Do you still keep in contact with anyone from the Mankato area?

AA: I keep in touch with a few people. But sadly lost touch with a lot of them.

FP: And now for the $65,000 question. What do you think our chances are of getting Green Day to come back to Mankato to play a show some time? Are small markets like ours pretty much out of the question at this point?

AA: I would love to imagine Green Day playing Mankato again. I don’t think it’s out of the question. They still play small clubs and stuff. They are still the same in that way — they will play anywhere. It’s more just the logistics of it all.

FP: How about you? Could we get you to come back some time? How about a big party catered by Pagliai’s?

AA: I would LOVE to get back to Mankato for a visit. So let’s keep in touch and make this happen! It’s been too long since I had a Pagliai’s pizza with onion, green olive and extra sauce. Cheryl Rueda made me the BEST pizzas!!!!!

Copyright � 1999-2008 cnhi, inc.

Photos

Adrienne Armstrong lives in California and co-owns Atomic Garden, an eco-friendly clothing store, with a friend.

[wrenchyyyy]

Leaving

It’s time

It’s time for me to move on.  My depression has grown to be a bit stronger than expected...I feel like this site is dying and since i have no one to talk to this is the perfect place to go.  I will not be going back to tumblr .  Maybe ill check in a year on this post to see my progress but I doubt it.  Twitter and snapchat.  I’ll stay on those.   Social Media is toxic.

Anyway yes I have been depressed for the last 2-3 years and honestly I don’t think anyone but John, Ade, and Irene know.  It sucks because i will never kill myself but I honestly don’t want to live anymore.  I just feel like I have no purpose and that’s bad to say.  I know.

My depression is just something that just won’t go away.  It definitely got worse in like 2016-2017.  I saw somewhere this quote and it stuck with me for a long long long time.  

“You will always remember the people that were there for you during the lowest shittiest times of your life. Whether friends or family, whether they’re in your life today or not. You will always remember. “

This ^^^^^^^^^^^ times 8000000.  Family I keep saying it.  I envy anyone who has family members that they are really close with.  It’s so obvious in my family any way who the favorites are.  My sisters are clicky and so are my cousins.  They always have inside jokes all of which i can never relate to them.  My parents love my sisters and not gonna lie they love me to but they for sure favor my sisters.  I guess it’s cause they know I can handle shit thrown at me?   Who knows..  all i know is in my family I can’t openly express myself which is sad.  They def don’t know I’m depressed.  They probably think all I do is play videogames, watch sports, or work.  

Friends wise I can’t deny.  I have friends in all stages of my life.  GSA, QP, and MSU.  But do I see them ?  no?  Do i connect with them on THAT level?  Sure.  Depending on the people.  In grammar school, I had John and Grace.  In Qp, I had Ade.  In college, I had Cassie.  THAT level.  I’m talking life, finances, careers, family, friends, relationship, religion, people, etc.  

I know for a long period in my college career, I drifted from Ade and Grace.  Trust me when I say this changed my outlook on life, it really did.  That’s when I knew the word depression was REAL.  John, who’s pretty much my best guy friend, was always there but the fact that he isn’t in NJ is hard.  We can’t just meet up and talk.  Any way during this drift, I got super close to Cassie at MSU.  Not going to lie, if it wasn’t for her, my college experience and my life wouldn’t be the same.   She indirectly in her own way helped me cope with losing Ade and Grace.

Any way in about 2016-2017, Cassie stopped talking to me.  This devastated me more than even I knew.  I had to talk to Ade about this.  If you know me, you know I value friendship more than relationships.  Maybe it’s cuz I truly feel like I have no family and that Cassie (at the time) was the closest thing i had to a real true friend that made me feel like I had reason to live to the fullest).  Like I said before I had THAT type of relationship with her.  The type where when we talk, I feel enlightened lmao.  Really.   The crazy part now.  I am at ease with Ade.  We both matured.  She in her own right is humble and now worked hard to get where she is.  I truly believe that she is genuine and honestly it makes me so happy to know she is doing ok.  It’s what I always wanted.  Any way back on point.

Cassie was one of my real true friends and she just stopped talking to me.  The talks on family, life, careers, everything.  gone.  The part that Ade told me which is true is that she owes me NO explanation.  I’m not entitled to know why she left.  I just have to accept it.  It’s true.  I’m stubborn and i kept triple double texting her and all that annoying shit.  I have to see it from her point of view.  She prob thought I was crazy lmfao.  but in reality I guess i just was scared that the one person who made me feel happy and genuine was gone.  Any way it took awhile to accept that she really wasn’t my friend anymore.  Obviously the only way I know how she’s doing now is social media.  I mean she looks super happy with her bf and it makes me happy because i know she was struggling at a time too.  Any way I told Ade I was grateful for everything she has done for me and honestly I wish I can tell Cassie that too but I aint going to quadruple text and message her like 6000 times lmao.  The crazy part again is that this girl wasn’t my girlfriend.  She wasnt even my best friend tbh.  She was a really good and important friend that I needed and appreciated in a hard time in my life.   Thank you Cassie.  I truly wish you were still in my life but I need to respect myself enough to say this girl doesnt owe you an explanation on shit and she doesnt.   Also that she was a great friend to you.  

A huge part of my depression journey, was trying to “Forget” Cassie and i get it.  Move on Chris.  The girl doesn’t even give a ratt’s ass about you anymore.  One of her close friends Krenzy even noticed that i was “depressed”  which is crazy.  I don’t even talk to that girl.  I guess in a sense I did get closer to Irene and reconnected with Ade so there’s the only positive that came out of it.  Irene i will forever be grateful for.  This girl showed me everything and I am so glad I worked so that I can go to Cali to see her.  It really helped me mentally with that trip.   Ade is ade.  She’s a good person.  She even told me she didn’t mean to be the way she was in college and I respect her for that.  

I guess it’s crazy how it works.  Ade helped me get through Grace.  Cassie helped me get through Ade.  Ade and Irene helped me get through Cassie.  lmao .  In a sense, Ade really is a true friend and we aren’t even that close anymore.   Irene is well Irene.  I fucking love that girl.  

The next hard part was losing Jackie and Rich.  They moved away and it hurt me alot.  Another group of friends I met at MSU that I truly connected with.  It sucks...No one can talk to me about deep stuff.  Again looking back, I just felt alone.  Sad.  and just depressed.  I actually resorted to working more to forget and just cope with my pain.  It did not work.  I actually quit my job like 2 weeks ago haha but that’s another story.  

I always try to tell myself.  What do people see you as?  What do they see you doing?  Honestly people probably think when they look at my social media, Dolphins/Mets rants, Snapchat of stupid shit, he travels alot (Even tho i really don’t), and i dont know if that’s a good or bad thing.  

2018 was a good year. I can’t deny it.  I did alot of things I never thought I can do.  22/30 Baseball parks,  maxing out my 401 K, starting grad school, get a steady gym schedule going, learn to be on own.  Like financially, mentally, and like just a routine wise.  In 2019, I want to find purpose again.  I really do.  I keep thinking at least there are people who want to see me.  Like Irene and Ade.  Like my GSA friend.  Like Kim and Jan and nick.  like I do have friends.  I just wish i didnt feel so sad and alone.

For anyone who has felt so lost alone and depressed like me, it’s okay.  You will survive.  That void hurts.  I get it.  As someone who still is surrounded by so many people I feel so alone and sad.  Trust me, if I ever texted you, Hey lets hang out or catch up.  I genuinely mean it and i prob needed it.  but if you don’t respond or answer.  I get it.   It took me 2-3 years to fully accept that I can’t be friends with everyone.  My heart has been broken to the point where honestly the people left are the ones helping me pick up those pieces.  Any way.  

Farewell to anyone reading this.  If any one reads this.

[prettyboyporter]

tagged by @sightetsound  @ohmybgosh @flippyspoon  and @kelpie-earnest - thanks <333

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

Nickname:

trace, traybum, a plethora of nicknames from students - plays on my last name.

Zodiac:

Taurus

Height:

5’5”

Last movie I saw:

At home: Bird Box, and it was okay! I was entertained. It had the guy from Moonlight so any time he was on screen I was fucking swooning for him remembering his performance. 

At the movies: Into the Spiderverse and I adored every god damn second of it. Miles Morales and Peter B. Parker forever. The animation style was so textured and amazing. If I could clone a version of myself who wasn’t spending every free moment reading or writing fanfiction, I’d go see it again.

Last thing googled:

Orlando Bloom’s age, because today is his birthday and I totally forgot that he is my age, hah. Happy bday pretty elf. 

Favorite musician:

The Beatles, hands down, forever and always my faves. 

Song stuck in my head:

Alright by Kendrick Lamar

Other blogs:

tracy7307 on ao3, was tracy7307 on LJ back in the day as well.

Do I get asks:

Nope! I’ve only been utilizing Tumblr for about a month, month and a half, bc I’ve been out of fandom for years but ended up running across a harringrove fic that shook my soul and now here I am trying to get back into it all. Just taking my first steps back in and figure out how to use this thing - how to have meaningful discourse about my new ship/fandom again, feeling the heartbeat of this place and just *trying* to jump in.

How many followers?:

Not many! See above, lol

Amount of sleep:

I like getting like 9-10 hours on weekends when I’m able to sleep in. I love sleeping.

Lucky Number:

Don’t have one

What I’m wearing:

MSU sweatshirt (my alma mater) and PJ bottoms

Dream job:

I have it - teaching high school English. I LOVE what I do. I am truly blessed in my career.

Dream Trip:

I’d love to visit India the most for friends and food and culture, Belgim for beer, and Czech Republic, and New Zealand and Australia, Africa and Iceland, Sweden and Ukraine . I want to go everywhere. Just everywhere.

Favorite food:

A filet, cooked sous vide, medium rare.

Play an instrument:

Nope

Languages:

English and some Spanish.

Random Fact:

I have a birthmark on my left breast that looks like a light coffee stain. Makes one nipple slightly darker than the other and I think it looks fucking amazing.

Describe yourself as aesthetic things:

A stack of comic books, a cluttered desk, cuffed jeans and doc martens, mug of coffee with cream, romantic displays of affection, Inuit art, a growler of beer next to a bottle of gin.

I think everyone I’d likely tagged has already been tagged, so I’ll go with my local love @hawkguyhasstarbucks

[thebuckblogimo]

Some thoughts on personality development by a quack psychologist, namely me.

January 17, 2022

I've always been intrigued by such concepts as "introversion vs extroversion"; "I'm ok, you're ok"; and "I am not what I think I am, I am not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am."

So I sat up straight during conversation with one of my daughters recently when she said, "So what's it feel like, Dad, to have raised four introverts?"

It was clear by the way she asked the question that she perceived me to be an extrovert. Unclear to her was the fact that I perceived both her and her sister (twins) to be extroverts, her two older brothers to be introverts and myself to be mostly extrovert, part introvert.

When my daughters were in middle school, they had many friends and dabbled in activities such as dance, track and field, piano, etc. In high school, they got into cheerleading, Spanish Club and numerous student committees. They seemed to thrive at Clarkston High School, with an enrollment over 2,000. Then, in college, they both pursued study abroad, and one was president of the MSU Marketing Club, while the other was an active member of the MSU Packaging Club. I've long perceived my daughters to tend toward extroversion.

When my sons were in middle school, they both had friends, but not as many as my daughters. One played travel baseball and one played travel soccer, but they didn't get involved in much else. In high school, they were both projected to become starters on the varsity in their respective sports. However, they both eventually dropped out of athletic competition, and they were disinclined to participate in other school activities. I've always suspected that they felt anonymous at such a large high school. In college, one did study abroad--reluctantly--while the other was an active member of the MSU Philosophy Club. I've long perceived my boys to tend toward introversion.

Now, about Dad...

I had many friends when I was young, and by the seventh grade I was playing three CYO sports. I was also the sports reporter for the school newspaper. My high school experience was very different from that of my children. St. Alphonsus had an enrollment of just 450, and I knew most of the kids in my class since the first grade. I continued to play three sports, and during senior year was co-captain of the basketball team, as well as secretary-treasurer of my senior class. ColIege was a different story. I had lots of friends, but I kept inside the fact that I couldn't muster the courage to ask a girl for a date--other than girls I knew from home--until my senior year. I participated in zero clubs or activities offered by the university.

I know I was perceived as an extrovert in high school where I was a big fish in a small pond. I also think I was perceived as one in college where people usually judged me by the things I did--often bold, risky, daring or mischievous. However, I thought of myself as part introvert because I felt deficient when meeting new people--whether guys or girls--whenever outside of my core group of friends.

As I look back on my youth, I think that participation in organized sports had numerous benefits for me: lessons concerning intense effort, the acquisition of leadership skills, a positive self-image and more. By the time my kids were adolescents, however, youth sports had become "specialized," and their coaches were always "scouting the system" for the next star. I think my boys grew weary of it all, dropped out of sports and perhaps did not reap the kind of benefits from competition that I did.

Now, let's put aside my bias toward participation in sports--which, admittedly, is not for everyone--and look at something else that I think is big in personal development.

When I look back on life, I conclude that inwardly directed people tend to fear public speaking. Yet today, all four of my kids are pretty good on their feet in front of a group. In fact, one of my daughters has appeared on morning TV in Detroit, as well as The Weather Channel, as part of her job. And one of my sons sometimes appears as the talent in training films he writes at the agency where he works. All four kids, I think, have really developed in that regard.

When I was starting out as a young adult in the working world, one of my first duties at AAA included broadcasting traffic and road reports on the radio, something I initially feared doing. And after I got into the ad agency business, I discovered that I was a good presenter and grew to look forward to defending the agency's work in client meetings. Those experiences contributed significantly, I think, to getting over my insecurities when meeting new people in one-on-one situations.

Interestingly, when I was in my 40s or 50s, my wife and I were having dinner with a group of longtime friends where one person had a background in professional training and another had one in personal development. For the fun of it, they went around the room and offered opinions about where each person placed on a personality grid. When it came to me, they seemed puzzled, having difficulty coming to agreement on how I ranked.

Actually, I felt good about that because I've always been uncomfortable with labels. It seems to me that things like introversion and extroversion are not mutually exclusive. I believe that there is a spectrum, shades of gray, when it comes to that sort of thing. For example, being around people--at parties, sporting events, on city streets--has always given me energy and brought out my extroversion. What few people understand is how inadequate I used to feel in situations where I found myself alone in conversation with people who didn't know much about me.

There are countless factors that go into personality development, of course--heredity, birth order, parental influence, cultural environment, etc. I've merely touched on the factors that I think had the biggest effects on my children and me. Nevertheless, here's where I finally come out about myself after seven-and-a-half decades on this planet:

I'm sure that most people take me for an extrovert today. And I would agree with that assessment. Whereas in college I often got tongue-tied when meeting people for the first time, as I evolved during my young adult years I concluded that just "being yourself"--trite but true--is the best strategy when meeting new people. I eventually determined that if someone doesn't like something about me, well, that's their problem.

As I got older I came to realize that whether you're an extrovert, an introvert or something in between, doesn't really matter. One isn't inherently good and the other isn't inherently bad. I only know that I was always looking inward as a young person, self-assessing. And somewhere along the way I decided that I wanted to be better in interpersonal situations. I'm not saying I ever totally arrived, but I feel satisfied that I improved on something about myself that I once took for a personal deficiency.

Tomorrow night, someone from down the street is going to bring a guitar to our nightly cocktail party for family, friends and neighbors at our Florida trailer. After they get here I'll invariably get up and sing a song or three and try out my stupid "What's a hamcost?" joke on a passerby. Extroverts do those sort of things.

The guitar player is also going to bring his elderly father, his wife, his sister and her husband--people who I have never met. And when they arrive I'm sure I'll feel quite comfortable greeting them and engaging in conversation.

It's something this extrovert, with latent notes of introversion, finds much easier to do than it was many years ago.

[aestheticvoyage2018]

Day 251: Saturday September 8, 2018 - “Sun Deviled Spartans”

We’d been looking forward to this day for a long time!  Since Christmas actually!  Where we gifted my parents with a trip back to the desert to cheer the Green & White in Sun Devil Stadium in Tempe.   They made it in yesterday without issue on the buddypass, and we had a great Happy Hour with 1000+ Spartan friends before getting up today to represent Spartan Nation on primetime ESPN under the lights.    That meant we had a whole day to party and tailgate like we used to do outside the Breslin when I was a kid..... but wait a second.  That wont work in 103 degree heat!!!     

We took it slow, day drinking from the AirBnb, a rousing a game of Aunt Idie died, and raising our spirits in front of the goofy mirror wall.  What a goofy memorable AirBnb experience.  In the mid-afternoon we set out to find a tailgating spot, not sure of what we’d find.  Turns out, just outside the athletic complex we scored the perfect spot and even the attendants said they dont take money until 4p (15 minutes from then!) and so we got it for free!  Pulled up alongside some bushytrees to get some shade from the sun- unpacked into a second spot thinking someone would take it eventually but never did- apparently no one wanted to tailgate with the spartans booming out the marching band.   We smoked a good cigar, drank some good drink, grilled some dogs - I even ate one with mustard on it to get good and angry for the game.   We packed it up and made the walk up to the stadium hopeful for a W for the over-ranked but optimistic Spartans.

Sun Devil Stadium is pretty cool - big and built into two big piles of rocks with cactus with the Phoenix lights behind.   I remember with the NFL team played here and Jake Plummer, and how I had a tshirt from here when I was a small kid.   Fun walking into a big time away stadium as a visitor.  The ASU fans were blacking out and Spartan Nation was wearing all white.   You could really tell how well they travelled and represented.  We were in the upperdeck looking down over the action and hopefully get some breeze - the scoreboard read 101 as the sunset and the band played.   As the team in White took the field, our corner of the stadium was loud.  Probably the loudest we’d be all day.    Having grown up going to Spartan games and loving College Football, I enjoyed seeing and experiencing the traditions of ASU - and was wholly impressed by the fireworks display.  They love their big fireworks here!  The Student Section, The Inferno, read above it “Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here” - geeesh.

But there werent many fireworks in the 1st half. The halftime score was 3-0.  Woooof.  That was pretty brutal sitting there in that heat for a 3-0 score.  Especially as the days spirits wore off.   AC was a hero and went and got us 2 $9 waters for halftime.  Game saver.   The student section was LOUD and at one point in the 1st half MSU was backed all the way up to their goaline.   Hostile!   Never had to experience anything like that in my college days.   At another point MSU had the ball right down in that red zone only to give up an INT in the end zone.  Bummer.

The second half had some more action.   Sparty got its only TD of the game on a nice pass.  But faded in the heat of the 4th quarter.  Down 13-3, ASU scored 13 4th quarter points to win the game - which included a last second walk off FG.  Reminded me so much of Sparty’s win over OSU a few years ago.   It was brutal to watch as ASU’s great coach Herm Edwards managed the clock down to nothing, then put the dagger of that pitchfork in us.   Just like that it was over.    We had to make our way out of that upper deck dejected, listening to the excited fans whose team pulled off the upset.   MSU really never got anything going.   We excused the idea that it was 2am back in Michigan by the time the game got over, but really, no matter the reason, they just didnt play well enough to win - and the Sun Devils definitely did.  It will be exciting to see what comes of their season.   AC isnt a big fan - but I enjoyed their brand of football, the excitement at their stadium, and the fireworks.   I was really sad that Sparty now had a blemish on the record, but would rather have it here in Tempe than down in Ann Arbor!

We made our way back to the car and sucked down some waters and found our way out of there quickly and easily without issue.  Cant win them all.   We’ll already start dreaming and thinking about where we’ll see the Spartans next.  Sad to lose, but blessed to have a team that we can love and share with my family - not just for this year or next, but for all of it and to bring AC into it too; She looks good in Green.

Song: Spartan Marching Band - Hockey Cheer

Quote:  “Winning and losing was suddenly elevated to be about things that had no score and no teams and no uniforms; just one player at a time dealing with his life, his own struggle, his own triumph and torment.”  ― Dan Groat

[kimberlykeebler34]

Michigan State basketball vs. WMU: Scouting report, prediction

EAST LANSING - Gabe Brown's first possession set the tone for his first start of the season.Tom Izzo hopes it sets the stage for more from consistency from the Michigan State basketball junior.Brown caught a pass from Aaron Henry 31 seconds into Friday afternoon's game, rose in rhythm and swished a 3-pointer. It was the first of four from behind the arc for Brown, whose 16 points helped the 12th-ranked Spartans avoid an upset with an 83-76 victory over Detroit Mercy.[ 25 years of 'Mr. March': Order our new Tom Izzo book today! ]The 6-foot-7 swingman scored 10 points after halftime, including a 3-pointer with 2:52 to play that quelled a Titan surge and another with 23.8 seconds remaining to seal the win. He also added two blocks and had back-to-back layups that showed his athletic ability, the first on the fast break off a feed from Rocket Watts while running the lane. The second was a highlight-worthy baseline drive with his right hand, then crossing it over to his left hand while hanging in midair for the up-and-under scoop. Those two baskets gave MSU the lead for good with less than 6 minutes to play.Is that Gabe Brown or Dr. J? pic.twitter.com/tfn3WluQEE"I just followed through and finished, You may also like: launch x431 v+ pro3. " he said. "Really at the end, it was just believing in myself and my teammates believing in me just by getting me the ball."Finding consistency has been one of the major points of emphasis Izzo has demanded from the Ypsilanti native. Brown had 12 points in the opener against Eastern Michigan and nine against Notre Dame, but he went scoreless Tuesday at Duke on four attempts in 17 minutes.Brown played a season-best 30 minutes Friday, finishing just shy of the career-high 17 points he scored at Nebraska on Feb. 20 last season. However, he did struggle on defense Friday, finishing without a rebound and missing a few defensive coverages. [How Rocket Watts helped MSU avoid 'trap game' loss to Detroit Mercy ]"Gabe struggled some defensively, but he made some good plays offensively ... " Izzo said. "Gabe's been playing better. I'm happy to see him shoot well tonight, because we need to shoot better."It might be a quick visit to the opening lineup for Brown, who made 16 starts last season before getting sick in January and losing minutes. He took over Friday for guard Joshua Langford, who started the first three games but is battling a minor knee issue. Izzo said his senior captain will be back Sunday when the Spartans (4-0) host Western Michigan at 6 p.m.But Brown showed what he can do for MSU.Michigan State sports headlines from Freep.com, delivered every day at 5:30 a.m."I live in a gym, so I really just want to keep on working," he said. "That's really what it is. That game doesn't define who it is, it's in the past, and I gotta keep on working, keep on getting better for the next game that's coming forward."A.J. Hoggard saw minimal minutes in MSU's first three games. But with Langford out, the freshman combo guard became an integral part of Izzo's rotation against the athletic Detroit backcourt.Hoggard had four points, two assists, two rebounds and a steal in 18:41 of playing time after playing just seven combined minutes in the first two games and not playing at all against Duke. He also had four of MSU's 17 turnovers in his first significant action, but he got his first exposure to running the offense after having a knee procedure that cost him a little more than two weeks of practice before the season."A.J. is gonna help us," Izzo said. "Made some big plays, had some foolish turnovers. And that's what you're gonna get out of a freshman once in a while. But I think he did show some good plays, I thought he played pretty good defense."Foster Loyer took two critical charges to change momentum in Tuesday's win at No. 8 Duke. Those helped flip a 13-3 deficit at that moment into a 75-69 road victory.The junior guard did it again Friday, getting position in front of Detroit's Dwayne Rose Jr. with 7:22 to play and drawing the offensive foul. The Spartans trailed 62-60 at that moment, and Watts tied the game on their po...

[auburnfamilynews]

John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

lol they postponed Florida/LSU again

So we made it through a hurricane week without a postponement or even a weather delay. Now we have the COVID week. We’re missing two games, one head coach has tested positive, and we’ve heard nothing out of South Carolina or Texas A&M after they played against teams that have been ravaged by positive tests and contact tracing. Wheeeeee.

So far this year, defense has been nearly optional. Alabama and Ole Miss wound up hitting the original OVER before it was dropped 10 points due to Hurricane Delta. As a result we have three totals in the 50s and one all the way up at 76.5. You can guess which team is involved there. HINT: it’s the one that stopped their opponent from gaining just 41 yards last week.

Current Standings

Josh Black: 25-17 (8-6 last week) Chief: 21-21 (5-9 last week) Crow: 21-21 (7-7 last week) Ryan: 21-21 (7-7 last week) Jack: 19-23 (5-9 last week) Jonesy: 19-23 (6-8 last week) Josh W: 19-23 (6-8 last week) Nerd: 18-24 (7-7 last week) Dr Will: 16-26 (5-9 last week) Drew Mac: 14-28 (5-9 last week)

It’s a good thing we don’t do this for a living. If we did, Drew would be living on Top Ramen.

LSU @ Florida (-13) (O/U 71)

Dan Mullen says he wants 90,000 people in the Swamp and then 80% of his football team either has COVID or is out due to contact tracing. 2020 remains undefeated.

Also I am SHOCKED that Megan Mullen got it too. SHOCKED I TELL YOU.

Staff Picks: Ryan: Florida 40-30 (Ryan got it in early) Jack: Oh, postponed. If they somehow play, Florida 42-24 (Jack acknowledges that Dan Mullen is completely unpredictable) Josh W: nope Drew Mac: I will let ya know on December 11th. Josh B: COVID-19 100, Dan Mullen’s opinions on super spreading events 0 Crow: Covid-19 35 Dan Mullen 20 Chief: Florida 45-28 (lol Chief sent this in after the postponement)

Kentucky @ Tennessee (-6) (O/U 46)

SP+ Pick: Kentucky +5.2; over (49)

This is the only total line under 50. Tennessee isn’t necessarily lightning-quick on offense, and Kentucky prefers to shorten the game. I’m just about to the point where we should just throw out what teams do on offense against Georgia, because there’s no one else in the conference who comes close to them right now. Tennessee was pretty good against South Carolina, and they were ruthless against Mizzou. They did struggle a bit against the run against Georgia (3.9 yards per carry jumps to 4.5 if you take out the 30 yards they lost on a bad shotgun snap), but it’s not like Kentucky lit MSU on fire last week. Let’s not overcomplicate things: Tennessee 27, Kentucky 20 (Tennessee wins and covers; over)

Staff Picks:

Ryan: Tennessee 24-17 (Tennessee wins and covers; under) Jack: Tennessee 30-14 (Tennessee wins and covers; under) Josh W: Kentucky 25, Tennessee 28 (Tennessee wins, Kentucky covers; over) AUNerd: Tennessee 31, Kentucky 27 (Tennessee wins, Kentucky covers; over) Drew Mac: 30-21 Vols (Tennessee wins and covers; over) Josh B: Tennessee 26, Kentucky 17 (Tennessee wins and covers; under) Crow: Kentucky 24-20 (Kentucky wins outright; under) Chief: Kentucky 26 - Tennessee 23 (Kentucky wins outright; over) Dr Will: Tennessee 31, Kentucky 17 (Tennessee wins and covers; over)

Ole Miss (-3) @ Arkansas (O/U 76.5)

SP+ Pick: Ole Miss -4.6; under (56)

I think we can say at this point that Arkansas’s defense is not bad. They held down Georgia, admittedly before they made a pivotal quarterback change. They gave everyone the blueprint for defending Mississippi State (or at least adapted the one that Washington used against WSU). They held Auburn enough in the second half for their offense to get their issues figured out and at least make it a game. But all 3 of those prior opponents don’t stress a defense’s depth like Ole Miss does. While Arkansas has done well to limit explosive plays, I could see them breaking in the second half as Ole Miss continues to keep the hammer down.

Ole Miss has been terrible against the run this year, but while I think Arkansas will move the ball on the ground, I don’t see them moving it as well as other offenses have against the Rebels. That just puts their defense out there over and over again. I think Ole Miss covers easily. SP+ being twenty points different on the total is enough to convince me. Ole Miss 41, Arkansas 33 (Ole Miss wins and covers; under)

Staff Picks:

Ryan: Arkansas 41-40 (Arkansas wins outright; over) Jack: Ole Miss 41-34 (Ole Miss wins and covers; under) Josh W: Ole Miss 52, Arkansas 31 (Ole Miss wins and covers; over) AUNerd: Arkansas 42, Ole Miss 38 (Arkansas wins outright, over) Drew Mac: 38-28 Rebel/Black Bear/Shark/Locomotives (Ole Miss wins and covers; under) Josh B: Arkansas 41, Ole Miss 38 (Arkansas wins outright; over) Crow: Arkansas 35-34 (Arkansas wins outright; a nice little under) Chief: Ole Miss 38 - Arkansas 33 (Ole Miss wins and covers; under) Dr Will: Ole Miss 48, Arkansas 38 (Ole Miss wins and covers; over)

Texas A&M (-6.5) @ Mississippi State (O/U 54)

SP+ Pick: Texas A&M -6.6; over (57)

Three weeks after MSU’s torching of LSU in Baton Rouge, they’ve scored all of 16 points against Arkansas and Kentucky. Two of those came when UK’s punter made the smart call to kick a botched punt out of the back of the endzone. A&M might actually have the worst defense between them, Arkansas, and Kentucky, but they have the blueprint and they’re very opportunistic. I don’t see MSU getting things figured out unless Leach just decides to hand Kylin Hill the ball 20 times.

State’s defense hasn’t been the problem at all. They kept Arkansas under 300 yards. They held Kentucky to 3 yards per play (granted that jumps to 3.9 if you take out the 48 UK lost on that safety). Still, if Mond’s success against Florida wasn’t a factor of Florida’s “defense”, I think covering a touchdown in Starkville shouldn’t be a problem. I think the Air Raid works enough for MSU to help cover the over though. Texas A&M 41, MSU 21 (Texas A&M wins and covers; over)

Staff Picks:

Ryan: TAMU 34-14 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under) Jack: A&M 35-17 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under) Josh W: Texas A&M 42, Mississippi State 7 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under) AUNerd: Texas A&M 35, Mississippi State 20 (Texas A&M wins and covers; over) Drew Mac: 38-17 Aggies (Texas A&M wins and covers; over) Josh B: A&M 38, Mississippi State 13 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under) Crow: Aggy 36-4 (Texas A&M wins and covers; under; State somehow gets more hilarious) Chief: State 36 - A&M 28 (MSU wins outright; over) Dr Will: Texas A&M 42, Miss State 24 (Texas A&M wins and covers; over)

Georgia @ Alabama (-6) (O/U 57)

SP+ Pick: Georgia +4.6; under (52)

idk who cares. I’m not going to watch it.

Seriously, I haven’t watched Alabama play a full game against someone other than Auburn since they lost to Ole Miss in 2015. I find their brand of football boring more often than not. I think Georgia has everything needed to beat this Alabama team, but they’re still Georgia, so Alabama 28, Georgia 21 (Alabama wins and covers; under)

Staff Picks: Ryan: Alabama 31-30 (Alabama wins, Georgia covers; over) Jack: Georgia 28-27 (Georgia wins outright; under) Josh W: Georgia 22, Alabama 30 (Alabama wins and covers; under) AUNerd: UGA 34, Bama 31 (Georgia wins outright; over) Drew Mac: 24-20 uat (Alabama wins, Georgia covers; under) Josh B: Alabama 35, Georgia 27 (Alabama wins and covers; over) Crow: Georgia 44 39 (Georgia wins outright; over) Chief: Georgia 30-Alabama 28 (Georgia wins outright; over) Dr Will: Georgia 31, Alabama 28 (Georgia wins outright; over)

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/10/16/21519361/sec-picks-week-4

[randoreviews]

THE PAUL FINEBAUM SHOW

     A lot of you probably don’t know this show, because it airs (every weekday afternoon) on The SEC Network, an ESPN channel. SEC stands for Southeastern Conference, which is, yes, in the South and is a Division 1 collegiate sports conference. I watch the show because I am a college football nut and enjoy the regional smack talk. Needless to say, it has gotten even more interesting in the Time of Covid...      Paul sits on his swivel chair behind his big, big desk. It’s summertime and he has a deep, cinnamon-raisiny tan, mostly shown on his bald head. He wears black-rimmed glasses, the rectangular kind. Sometimes rimless glasses. He looks in his suit and tie like he weighs maybe one hundred and forty pounds. Yes, he is a nerd, but also has an air of respectful concern, like any good shrink. His knowledge of the history and inner workings (i.e. bureaucracy) of the Southeastern Conference... is vast. (He is an alum of The University of Tennessee.)      “Hello. Good afternoon. I hope all of you are having a good day out there, in this... what is it, let’s see, Tuesday the 6th of August. We have a lot to get to today. We’ll be talking with the athletic director at Vanderbilt, Mark Chad, at twenty past the hour, and see what he thinks about this college football season that, I hate to say, folks, now don’t throw a shoe at me, may just go up in smoke. That may just be the hard truth of it. We’ll see what Mr. Chad thinks, always a very astute man with many keen observations that I really really appreciate. Oh, I see we already got the tweets rolling in.” (A successive stream of tweets is shown on the bottom of the screen, usually along the lines of, “The Tide r guna rooolll the Dawgs on Saturday and make those puppies whimper!!!! #rolltide.”) “We’re glad you can join us. We’re also gonna talk a little bit about the Florida-Florida State game being cancelled in the wake of all non-conference games being nixed. See how you all are dealing with that. We also have another very special guest set to join us at 3 p.m., one of my personal favorites, all-time great Ole Miss running back, Mr. “Tricky” Bo Nicky, he’ll be telling us about his new biography, “Look Out, Nicky!: My Life as a Running Back.” Can’t wait to read that. Just a very special, special human being. I still remember his run against Mississippi State, down four with four seconds left, from his own goal line. A hundred-and-one yard scamper, breaking the hearts of those poor old MSU fans. I was watching it on my good satellite TV with my then-girlfriend, now-wife, Shelly. I remember she told me, Paul, you better settle down or you’re liable to lose your hair! And well, sure enough, here we are. But let’s not waste any more time and let’s open the phone lines up for all our callers today, and see how all of you are doing out there today, in these ever so peculiar of times... Chip from Chattanooga, what’s on your mind?”       “Hullo, Pawl, how are you today?”      “I’m doing pretty well, Chip, how about you?”      “Weyl, Pawl, I guess I can’t complayn too much now, can I? Besides a fact ma wife left me going on four years ago now on account of my love of Jack and Mr. Pibb. Ma kids don’t want nothin to do with me over, I don’t know why, maybe scuz I don’t like wearing pants. I ain’t French. And now alls I had to look forwards to was my Vols on TV this fall and now they say they cancelling the season? No Rocky Top?? All for some measly, oh, GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Blah blah blah. Now I’m a Christian man, Pawl, and that just ain’t right! That don’t make no sense to me.”       “Chip, I... I hear what you’re saying...”      “That’s just a hill of beans and a stack a used Tiddlywinks, Pawl. Coronavirus my butt! Ain’t nothing but the common cold, that’s all it is.”      “Well, Chip, I hear what you’re saying. Believe me, I hear you. But this Coronavirus is really nothing to play around with. It’s far more mysterious and lethal than the common cold, and scientists don’t really have much of a grasp on it yet. Would bringing large teams of young men, who are living on a campus, not exactly the same thing as a bubble, together... would that really be the best idea right now?”      “Oh, shutcher butt, Pawl! You just shutcher butt! Yer talkin like a damn Yankee is what you’re doin! Is Fauci there with you!? Did he put you up to this?! Okay, okay, calm down, Chippo, calm down, just another little sip o Pibb to calm these nerves here. I’m sorry, Pawl, like I said, I’m a Christian man and I don’t like to get to hollerin, unless theys going to cancel the Vols or there’s a black person in my yard.”      “Oookay, Chip. Appreciate the call. Gonna have to let you go. This certainly is a strange time we’re all living in, and it’s a lot of stress for all of us. Who’s up next? Wendy in Biloxi, how are you today, Wendy?”       “Well heello, Pawl, heeow are yeeou. I just want to say, I was theyer with ma husband at that Ole Miss-Missippi State gayme when old Tricky Bo Nicky went on that ruun...”      “Oh, were you actually? That’s wonderful.”      “And yes, Pawl, me and ma husband were there and I member beecause, listen to this, I member like it was yesterday beeccause a had onea them big pretzels in ma hand, halfa one -- the other half a had eatened -- and when old Bo Nicky went on that run a stood up with ma arms in the air and, wouldn’tcha know someone behind me ate the rest of the pretzel. But I wudn’t even mad though, Pawl! That’s how happy I was, I wudn’t even mad!”       “Uh, ha! My, that’s a wonderful memory, Wendy. What a wonderful memory. Hopefully you’ve been able to enjoy more pretzels since then, Wendy.”      “Oh I have, Pawl, I have. Many many more. All while thinking of old Bo Nickys.”      “Of course, of course. That’s... is that really the whole call though? Is that all you had to say?”      “Well we all know Biden and Fauci created this Covid thing in a secret lab in Carolina in 2016 after our beloved Prezeedent won the election. And we all know the black man has it out for the white man, and obviously that’s wha we had to enslave them for four hundred years...”       (Paul starts hacking.) “Aha-aha-hem! Ah! Ach!... Hello, Wendy, are you still there? We seem to have lost Wendy. Couldn’t make out the last couple things she was trying to say. I know I personally will think of that story the next time I have a giant pretzel, which I must say I do enjoy quite a bit. Let’s take one more call before we have to go to our first commercial break of this afternoon, Squirrel from Tuscaloosa, it says here from my producer, ‘Boiled frogs... three ex-wives... Roll Tide.’ Squirrel, haven’t heard from you since yesterday, how are you today?”       “I teeell you how I am, Pau! I just teeell you! They talkinbout no college football season, no college football season, and so what, Pau, so what, they gon make me watch all these LSU games from last year over n over N OVER again? LSU gonna be champs forever now? A gotta see that Joe Burrow mister on TV every night never makin one mistake? NEVER MAKIN ONE! Now me personally, for my own physical health, I don’t worry about no Covid because I just like to hang out in my trailor by the river all day long, me and ma dog Skeeter, we just like to have a real easy time here, Pau. If Trump says it’s NBD, as these kids like to say, then it must be. When’s he ever lied? Didn’t he win You Wanna Be a Millionaire or somethin? What use does a fine fine man like that have for science then? Anyway, it’s still probably all made up, just like the Holocaust.”      “Bottle toss, yes, what a fun activity! It’s been a while since I’ve done that.”      “Whatreyoutalkinabout, Pau? I said Holocaust!”      “Molotov... cocktail... yes, those are dangerous. I think I follow.”      “No, you don’t, Pau. Now as a white man, I’m just plain tired of bein kicked around and mistreated and abused by one) the government and two) black people who live off the government and three) women. Specifically ma three ex-wives. Foul-mouthed hussies all of them. But if I’m being honest, that was the original attraction. NOW I HAVE AN EXTREMELY SMALL PENIS, PAU! I’M SCARED OF THINGS! I’M SCARED OF BLACK PEOPLE AND THEIR KING KONG DONGS! I FEEL VERY THREATENED! That make me a racist?”       “Well yes...”      “They live off the government, I’m livin in my trailor with Skeeter. Granted I never paid no taxes or nothin and I’m on welfare too, but that’s neither here not thar, Pau! Don’tchu judge me, you old little bitty egghead, in your suit and your stuffed shirt and yer tanny tan the tanny man. Oh, I’m Pau, I like to sunbathe and listen to the advice of scientists, oohh. That’s you, Pau! That’s you! Youwaknowhy Obama captured Osama Bid Laden? Cuz they’re the same person, Pau, he captured hisself and then became Prezeedent even though he was already Prezeedent. There’s no Holocaust! There’s no moon landing! Pence comes from the testicle of Jesus! And Trump’s gonna be Prezeedent for the next, minimum, fourteen years! And Joe Burrow can suck an egg, Pau! He can suck yor head! But let me just say, Pau, I’ll end on a positive note... cuz I’m a fair man and Skeeter’s lookin at me like he got enough consience for two of us... amidst all this chaos and larceny, make no mistake... the sun still shines on Tuscaloosa, Alabama.”      Paul sits stunned for a second, very much a glazed-over look in his eye, then snaps out of it, saying, “All right, we are right up against the break. On the other side of it we’ll be talking with Vanderbilt AD Mark Chad on the upcoming -- or should I say imperiled -- college football season. Stick with us.”       

[junker-town]

The legend of Gardner Minshew, explained by his dad

Gardner Minshew II has always been ultra competitive, according to his dad, Flint. | gardnerminshew5 IG / SB Nation illustration

SB Nation spoke with Gardner Minshew’s dad, Flint, to learn more about the Jaguars’ cult-hero QB.

Just three weeks after Gardner Minshew stepped into the starting role for the Jacksonville Jaguars following Nick Foles’ injury, Minshew Mania has hit Duval and the rest of the NFL hard. The legend of the rookie quarterback only grows bigger each week, thanks to revelations like Minshew trying to break his hand with a hammer to earn a medical redshirt, and how he does pregame stretches wearing nothing but a jock strap.

There’s someone else who has gained attention during this whirlwind — besides Minshew’s mustache, which might be more famous than he is. That’s Gardner’s father, Flint. NFL Network cameras found Flint during Jacksonville’s Thursday Night Football win over the Tennessee Titans, and he was even interviewed alongside Gardner after the game.

We are all Gardner Minshew's dad right now. pic.twitter.com/HLUog3cycP

— Big Ramsey Country (@BigCatCountry) September 20, 2019

The Minshew athletic genes run strong. Flint played defensive end at Millsaps College in the early 1990s and is in the Hall of Fame there. Gardner’s mom, Kim, played basketball at Mississippi State. His younger sister, Callie, is a freshman on MSU’s volleyball team. Meanwhile, Gardner started playing football at the JUCO level, then went to East Carolina before finishing his college career at Washington State. The Jaguars selected him in the sixth round of this year’s draft.

SB Nation interviewed Flint to learn more about Jacksonville’s cult-hero quarterback, the origins of his son’s name, and perhaps most importantly, how he gets his arms so jacked.

Author’s note: Interview has been edited for clarity and length.

Morgan Moriarty: How cool has it been to experience Duval culture and how quickly they’ve embraced your son as its QB?

Flint Minshew: It reminds me of how New Orleans is, how it’s a tight, and a very proud, community, the whole Duval thing. You can tell they’re very proud for [the Jaguars] to represent that city, and they take that very personal. So that’s very cool to me.

And Florida’s got such a laid-back atmosphere — just kind of “Hey, you are who you are” and that’s just him, that’s who he [Gardner] is.

MM: Are you surprised at how quickly the Minshew Mania has taken off in Jacksonville and around the league?

A little bit. We saw that last year a little bit in Pullman, and that blew up like crazy. There’s something to be said about somebody just coming out of the blue like he did. Sixth-round pick, it’s almost like he’s a normal guy — he’s 6’1’, 225 pounds, so it’s not like he’s some 6’5’ Johnny Blue-Chip out of a blueblood program.

He appreciates on a very high level the people that have given him a chance. And he’s more about proving the people right that believe in him. And he owes — we all do — a debt of gratitude to [the Jaguars] for drafting him. So many of these guys, when they’ve had all their choices laid out for them their whole life, you kind of lose some of that appreciation.

Whereas with him, man, he’s had to beg, borrow, and steal just to get where he got. And when somebody calls him and says, “Hey, I want you to come play for me,” there’s a big appreciation for that.

MM: How much of that appreciation goes to [Washington State coach] Mike Leach, too?

FM: Truthfully, it changed his life. It changed his trajectory to be where he’s at right now. And one thing Leach did was trust him to run the offense. They were on the same page, and you see Leach, he’s not out there beating himself on the chest. He gives credit where credit’s due. He doesn’t have an ego.

MM: Gardner had somewhat of a journeyman career as a QB. Now, he’s been able to step into Jacksonville’s starting role pretty seamlessly — what is it about him that’s allowed him to adapt pretty well wherever he goes?

FM: Well, part of it is his personality. He’s understood at a young age when you’re the quarterback, people are looking at you. You have to set the tone as far as how the people around you work. And if you want people to follow you, you better be the hardest-working one out there. And we’ve preached [that] to all of our kids at an early age, that the only thing they can control is, you can choose to be the hardest-working person.

You’ll never be the biggest, the tallest, the fastest, the strongest, but you can literally outwork anybody. And he took to that at a young age.

He was a smart kid. We’d have kids there that were all in the smart classes, and then you’d have kids there that were just jocks. And he was really good at bridging that gap and bringing them all together.

MM: There are a ton of stories out there about Gardner, but what are some things you want people to know about him? Or maybe a favorite story of him growing up?

FM: He was always very competitive — extremely competitive. To a point where, at times, his mother would almost kind of worry about that. Like, he’d want me to beat up other kids’ dads who didn’t bring them to practice. Because they’d lose a ball game and he’d be like, “Dad, beat his dad up. He doesn’t ever bring him to practice, he ain’t worth a crap!”

And then you’d go play a soccer tournament, and we’d lose in the finals or something. He couldn’t understand how his teammates could be laughing and joking after losing a game. We would play this one team and we’d go back and forth — they beat us some, we’d beat them some. After one tournament, they wanted to get together and take a picture and Gardner’s like, ‘I’m not taking a freaking picture.” Just always ultra-competitive.

MM: How much did sports play a role in your family’s life as your kids were growing up?

FM: You know, I guess we’re just fortunate, [my wife and I] both have the same view on how to raise our kids. I fought karate tournaments, which I really liked because that was just me. I loved playing football, I played basketball and all of that, but the good thing about karate, it was just you fighting someone else. So I was exposed to that at an early age. And then my wife was a good basketball player coming up. Again, we were somewhat talented, but we had to work harder more than we were talented.

We’ve praised our kids when they’ve lost, when they’d give good effort, and we’ve chewed them out if they won if we didn’t feel like the effort was there. So we let them know early on that hey, we’re proud of you because of how you worked.

View this post on Instagram

Best. Day. Ever. #Duuuuuval

A post shared by Gardner Minshew (@gardnerminshew5) on Apr 28, 2019 at 7:59am PDT

Winning ball games, doing well in stats and all that, that’s great but ... when you get your kids in sports, what are you really trying to teach them? You’re trying to teach them to be a good teammate. Those things will carry you further in life than just being able to run fast or jump high.

MM: OK, I have to ask about the whole name thing — since you go by Flint, there’s been rumors that there isn’t a Gardner Minshew I. Can you clarify that?

I’m so glad you asked that! I don’t understand why it’s so hard. OK so, my name is Gardner Flint Minshew. I go by my middle name, Flint. Gardner is my mother’s maiden name, Flint is my paternal grandmother’s maiden name. And when my wife found out we were going to have a boy, that was the name. She was like, “I want him to be Gardner Flint II.”

Now I will say this, the reason it’s not Jr. is because in Mississippi, if you’re a Jr. you’re probably going to be called “Junior” or you’re probably going to be called “Bubba.” And my wife refused to have him called either of those. And no offense to all the Juniors and Bubbas out there, but that’s not what she wanted him to be referred to.

So it’s my name. I just go by my middle name, he goes by our first name.

MM: And your dad wanted to name him Beowulf. How real was that to almost happening?

FM: Well, it was real that my father wanted that, but it [only] got that far. I don’t even know if he would even mention that to my wife.

MM: So I’m guessing your wife vetoed that.

It’s kind of one of those things that if I had mentioned it, I might’ve been ducking at the same time.

MM: What’e your thoughts on Gardner’s mustache?

As long as he likes it, I’m good with it.

I know people think that he does that stuff for marketing, and I think part of it is, and I’ve always told him this “You gotta go out there and have fun.” If you’re tight, you are going to be a step slow, and you have to be loose. And I think it’s just part of him being loose and helping his teammates be loose.

Douglas DeFelice-USA TODAY Sports

MM: Do you have any plans to grow one?

I’ve never been a mustache guy. I used to grow a beard a lot, but the Minshews kind of have red beards, and so now my beards are red, black, and gray. I look like a mangy dog if I try to do that.

MM: During that TNF game, Twitter was abuzz about your workout routine. You told NFL Network after the game that you run marathons.

FM: That’s bullshit, I don’t run any marathons. That’s kind of one of those things that I started answering that a few years ago because what are you doing to answer?

MM: You’ve gotta give me your arm workout, man, the people have to know.

FM: It’s all over the place. You know what, I’ve got big people [in my family]. My dad was my height, and when we buried him he was probably 350 pounds. Really, I do more to try to keep weight than I do put weight on. So I do a lot of body weight type exercises, TRX straps, some of that, some kettlebell work. I’m just a big guy.

MM: What are you maxing out at with bicep curls?

FM: I don’t even do a bicep curl. I might do some pullups, and I might do some different compound movements, but I really don’t do ‘em. I could do plenty if I wanted to, how about that?

MM: On a final note these last few weeks had to have been crazy for you all. What’s it been like?

FM: It’s been awesome. I mean Gardner’s always had to kick down the door wherever he’s gone. We always knew he’d succeed. Now did we think Foles would get hurt the first week and we’d be sitting here? No way. But at the same time, you kind of get caught up and just want him to do well and help his team.

[Gardner] won the game the other night [against Tennessee], and now it’s time to go to Denver and take care of business again, though. He’s always had this. Wherever he went, he’s been rolling.

[melsa17]

How I learned I was  #blackgirlmagic

I’ve never really sat and thought about what it means to be a woman of color in science. My environment has always included intelligent, strong, black females and to me that was the norm. I was born and raised in Dominica, a small island in the Caribbean (NOT the Dominican Republic) and I attended an all girls’ catholic high school. Black women were my teachers, spiritual leaders, coaches and role models. Being in a class of thirty bright minds fostered a healthy competitive spirit and left me with friendships that still exist today. At the age of fifteen you do not really appreciate the role these women and girls play in your life, but looking back, being surrounded by them influenced the person I’m becoming.

Women are just as capable as men, no one taught me this. It was common sense, if we have the same opportunities and we both have a brain, why shouldn’t we be? Growing up, when taking exams at the national and regional level where my competition now included males I never thought twice about being any less capable. As far as I was concerned I was just as good if not better. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no genius and I’m pretty average but I’ve always been a good student.

In 2007 at the age of eighteen, I moved to Baltimore, Maryland to attend Morgan State University (MSU). Morgan belongs to a group of academic institutions termed historically black colleges and universities (HBCU’s) where both the faculty and students are predominantly black.  Most of these institutions were established after the American Civil War to serve African American communities, but have always been open to all races. Prior to moving to the United States I’d never heard of an HBCU and over the past ten years I’ve described attending an HBCU as living in a bubble. And at that point in my life, I think I needed that. It was hard enough adjusting to life in a city like Baltimore.

Despite having totally different backgrounds, at Morgan everyone looks like you, everyone is treated equally and skin color never played a part in my college experience. This was probably not the case for everyone but I was sheltered because I seldom left my bubble. My teachers, deans, provost, president were all strong powerful black men and women. So when my general biology professor talked about being black and being a black woman in America, growing up black, dealing with racism and being one of the only black students when doing her PhD I really couldn’t relate. I didn’t understand their struggle because honestly I hadn’t experienced it. Growing up black in Dominica is totally different from growing up black in America and so my HBCU experience wasn’t like most of my fellow students.

Recently, a white man asked me if there was slavery in the Caribbean and I looked at him dumbfounded. There are almost 40 million people living in the Caribbean and this educated man didn’t have a clue how we got there, and we both live in the same hemisphere. Once I stopped judging him in my head I explained to him that yes, our countries were also built on the backs of slaves. However, unlike countries like Trinidad, Guyana and Jamaican where you see a lot of diversity among the people, in Dominica everyone looks pretty similar. Yes our complexions vary but at the end of the day we all call ourselves black. Racism did not exist, which is why even at an HBCU where I looked like my peers I didn’t see race the way a young black man who grew up in Alabama saw race.  For me, the most difficult thing about being black in America was being away from home and just trying to figure out who I was, something that didn’t involve the color of my skin back then.

Once I overcame my initial doubts (self-doubt is something I’m still working on) and stopped underestimating my abilities I was able to excel at Morgan. I didn’t see it then but not only did MSU provide a solid foundation and help boost my confidence in my academic abilities, it gave me a glimpse into what many people may now call black girl magic.  My teachers included strong black women and I attended conferences such as the National Organization for the Professional Advancement of Black Chemists and Chemical Engineers, where black women ran things. Over the course of my undergraduate career seeing black women in positions of prestige in academia was normal. At Morgan, I was no longer the girl from the Caribbean just trying to keep her scholarship; I was the Chemistry major who knew her stuff and who did research and was good at it. However, through all that I never saw myself as a woman doing well, much less as a black woman doing well. It was simply Melissa, expected to do well and getting it done.

Fast-forward to 2011 when I moved to Gainesville, Florida for graduate school and my bubble popped. University of Florida (UF) was nothing like Morgan. It is a predominantly white institution (PWI) and in a class of over 30 PhD students there were only two black people, including myself. For the first time in my life I was a minority, and self-doubt started creeping in, and I felt extremely alone.  I was a small fish in a very big pond and the familiarity and support that existed at Morgan was gone. And my doubt had nothing to do with the color of my skin and that’s because the same way I was never taught boys are better than girls I was also never taught white people are smarter than black people.

This probably saved me in grad school, because had I been doubting myself based on skin color or what these people though of me I’d have been a basket case. My self-doubt was because these people seemed so damn smart and experienced; some had worked in industry, gotten master’s degrees, or been doing research for years and here I was feeling all-good about myself because I got a couple awards in undergrad. I remember calling my mom telling her be prepared I’m going to fail out and I’ll be home soon, sorry for being a disappointment (this was all before the first test). However, my mother is my biggest cheerleader and prayer warrior and so she ignored me like she normally does when I say these things. She probably said something like: “Melissa I know what you’re capable of and you’ll be fine, God is in control (West Indian mom lingo101).”

In the Caribbean its ingrained in you at a young age that you can’t fail and you don’t quit. However, growing up I was a lot harder on myself than my own parents, and they were often the ones telling me to relax. On the day of my Common Entrance Examination (an exam that allows Caribbean students to move on to high school) my dad took me to the river at 6 am for a swim so that I would just relax and stop panicking. Yes, at ten years old I was already that hard on myself.  I’ve always been competitive and for that first year of grad school I was just trying to keep my head in the game and not disappoint all the people who believed in me. Looking back, I wish I could tell my 23 year old self: “CHILL, listen to more Kartel and go have a drink!”

The first year of grad school was the toughest and though I came in with a strong chemistry background all the biology material I was presented with was sometimes overwhelming. Chemistry and math had always made sense, and biology just wasn’t my favorite. I made it through the first year, did pretty well actually and kept that fellowship. And like at Morgan I found my footing and did well, my project worked, my lab environment was great, I made good friends, learned hard lessons and apart from Gainesville, being the most boring place ever, life was good. I have no horrible PhD stories and sometimes I feel guilty about it. I have a lot of friends who’ve gone (and are still going) through some tough times. My PhD mentor was great and I enjoyed my PhD experience. Not many PhD candidates can say they graduated with almost twenty peer-reviewed publications and for that I’m grateful and also very lucky (also another story).  

Even though I attended a PWI in Florida I still lived in a bubble; not the kind of bubble I experienced in Baltimore but a bubble nonetheless. I hadn’t experienced blatant racism, just the usual stares or stereotypical questions and comments. My former mentor is white but his wife holds a PhD in Biophysics and is a brilliant black woman at the top of her field; she is also the only black faculty member in the Department of Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. She may not see it because she is also extremely humble but she is the perfect example of  “black girl magic” and to me this was all so normal. Of course black women were killing it in science and engineering why wouldn’t they its all I had seen since moving to the U.S. Granted, I saw less of it in Florida and even though it bothered me that most of the black women I saw in my building were janitors who others wouldn’t even take the time to greet, it was ok because I knew we existed. And then Trayvon Martin was killed, and it never stopped. Michael Brown, Tamir Rice, Eric Garner, John Crawford and we know how it goes. I’m not naïve, I know oppression and racism didn’t end with slavery and I know this had ben going on in America for years but I was now experiencing it first hand.  And over the past 5 years I’ve come to understand what it means to be black in America and I’ve also learnt slavery didn’t end just because it was abolished. It doesn’t matter if you’re an MD, CEO or lawyer, all certain people see is the color of your skin. I finally understood what my undergrad professor was talking about.  Seeing young black men and women being targeted because their hue was slightly different was my rude awakening.

It came to the point where watching movies like 12 Years a Slave filled me with so much anger that I’d need extra time to myself before talking to others at work. I left every movie asking why, watched every breaking news update and every not-guilty verdict and just asked “but how?” I’ve always being quick to correct others when they called me African American because I’m extremely proud of my West Indian heritage. “I’m not from this country, I’m West Indian!”  However, I’ve learned, that in America it doesn’t matter what kind of black you are, racists see in black and white and if you’re black you’re beneath them. For the first time in my life I was being told that I was not equal to a certain group of people and that I was not as qualified. After more than twenty years I was being taught what some children had been told all their lives. It has left me angry, filled with hate, hurt and so confused, not because I believe them but because somewhere there is a child who’s accepted this as their fate. Also because I know its not the truth.

This week I saw the film Hidden Figures, which tells the story of three exceptionally brilliant black women who worked at NASA in the 1960s, at a time when segregation still existed in the state of Virginia. The movie focuses on the critical roles they played in the launch of the astronaut John Glen into orbit using their skills in mathematics and physics.  Despite the rave reviews I’d seen I wasn’t excited about this movie. I entered the movie theater with the mindset that this would just be another film that would leave me filled with anger and asking, “why do black people have to endure so much?” This movie made me angry; the way these women were treated solely because of the color of their skin and lady parts was ridiculous and let my blood boil but it also made me realize how much I take for granted. My circle is filled with women in science that I’ve met over the years: chemists, civil engineers, nuclear engineers, immunologists, mechanical engineers, physicists and biochemists; we do it because its what we love and what we’ve always done.  I am a black woman with a PhD in Biochemistry in the field of X-ray crystallography and there are not a lot of us (I checked the numbers). Like I said, I’ve always seen black women doing extraordinary things so I’ve never dwelled on how long it took us to get here. Its not about not playing the race card (a term I despise), its just that I know that a black woman is just as capable. I have the kind of parents who think I’m capable of anything I put my mind to, some days I doubt myself but they never do and more black girls need that growing up. This movie left me feeling empowered on a day where once again I had been questioning my abilities and worrying about my future.  All women need to see this movie whether you’re a scientist or economist or you’re just trying to figure it out; this movie is for all of us.

Currently I work as a research scientist at the National Institutes of Health, as an X-ray crystallographer and most days I still find myself asking “Melissa what do you want to be when you grow up, what do you want to contribute with this skill-set?” Not too long ago, I went to the store on campus to buy a couple items for the lab with my white lab mates and at the register, I shared “the nod” and a smile with the cashier, a forty-something year old black woman and placed my items on the counter. She then asked me if I was a doctor and I responded yes without much thought of it and paid for my items. When we were done with my transaction she told me how proud she was of me and thanked me on behalf of her family for all my work. I had never met this woman and she had no idea what my research entailed but the fact a black woman was a doctor and was trying to make a difference filled her with pride. I hadn’t thought about that moment much but I remembered it after watching the movie and I realized how blessed I was and how grateful I should be.

I may not think what I’m doing for a living is a big deal, most days its just a job where I do experiments that may not work, or where I question what I’ll do with this PhD. Other days a band on a western blot and a protein crystal in a drop make me smile, and I meet intelligent people who make me want to do better. But there are a lot of people out there, who look up not to me but to the idea of people like me. I have a community of people who are rooting for my black girl magic friends and I because it is still an amazing thing to see.

[spajonas]

Sunday Update - October 8, 2017

Well, my fingers suffered the agony of writing but I finished THE DAYDREAMER DETECTIVE RETURNS A FAVOR last Sunday. That’s my huge news for the week! It happened after I posted my Sunday Update but I referenced it in my October Goals post.

On Monday, it was back to school and work. In the morning, I pulled SUMMER HAIKUS from Amazon, waited for it to be unpublished, then I uploaded the new version. I then worked on new covers for my Daydreamer Detective series! They will all get an update later this month and the Daydreamer Detective has a new blurb too! I got one professionally written, and it’s so great. I can’t wait to use it!

On Tuesday, I walked, per usual, worked some more on random stuff I had put off while finishing Daydreamer 4, and then got our veggies from the CSA share. Then I had the evening to myself because my husband had work in the city.

Wednesday was a super busy day. I walked in the morning, showered, drove to the grocery store farther away, stocked up stuff we had been running out of, came home and put everything away. I then ate a very rushed lunch, went to the chiropractor and acupuncturist, then got the kids from school. Not long after that, I took them to their tennis lessons, came home, and made dinner. This was also the day I got my new computer up and running! I bought a PC, a Lenovo Flex 5, to run Dragon and a few other programs I can’t get on Mac. In between all the other things I did on Wednesday, I also was working on that. I was pretty beat at the end of the day!

Thursday, I met up with my writing buddy Amy at Panera. We arrived a little later than usual because she had trouble locating her computer in her house! I’m so glad she found it. Then I ran an errand on the way home, and we had a nice chill afternoon at home. Finally, no place we had to be! Until the evening that is, when I had to go to the middle school for Back to School night. It was long, two whole hours, but it was fun and I got to meet all of my older kid’s teachers.

Friday was finally a regular day. I got the kids to school, walked, showered, went to Whole Foods, had lunch at home, napped, and picked up the kids. Then we chilled all afternoon and evening because my husband worked from home.

On Saturday, the kids had piano lessons in the morning so I cleaned while that was going on, ate lunch, went for a walk, and worked in the afternoon. Then in the evening, we had english muffin pizzas as a family and played Monopoly together. My husband crushed us all in the first game and won. Lucky bastard. In the evening, we stayed up to watch the Michigan State vs University of Michigan football game, which is a huge rivalry. I’m a MSU alumni, so I root for the Spartans and they won! I went to bed tired but happy.

Today, we spent most of the day out on Long Island visiting family for my nephews’ birthdays. The ride out there and back were both not too bad, so a good day all around.

In more work news, I’m currently reading Hikoboshi 2 and making notes along the way and I hope to start editing it tomorrow. Today and yesterday, SUMMER HAIKUS has been available for free on Amazon. As of this moment, I have given away over 2100 copies of it! I had an ad in Freebooksy today that put me over the top and now it’s #80 in the Free Store and doing well in the charts. I hope some people in KU have been clicking borrow instead of just downloading the book because I’d love to get a leg up in the Paid charts tomorrow and some page reads as well. We shall see.

What else happened this week?

I finished up THE DAYDREAMER DETECTIVE RETURNS A FAVOR! Woo hoo!!

I’ve been working my way through my Japanese monthly snack box backlog. These were really good. Little brown sugar cookies. Mmmm!

Say hello to my new Dragon master! This is the Lenovo Flex 5.

During Back to School night, we were “forced” to do science experiments, complete with safety goggles.

I flew my Spartans flag outside for the big game on Saturday!

My new knitting project is pooling badly. So I’ve woven in a life line and I’m going to rip back and fix this by alternating with the other end of the skein.

And finally, here’s where SUMMER HAIKUS is sitting today! Looking good! I’m so glad I republished this book.

Coming up this week on the blog: I think it’s time for another Book Chat. I have some audiobooks I can write up!

Have a great week everyone!

Sunday Update – October 8, 2017 was originally published on S. J. Pajonas

[auburnfamilynews]

John Reed-USA TODAY Sports

Tons of interesting outcomes yesterday, rankings get affected.

After the first weekend of the SEC season, which saw everyone in action, we learned a ton.

LSU isn’t great. Georgia has a quarterback problem. Bama is still annoyingly good. Mississippi State and Ole Miss are going to be a handful. That’s just the tip of the iceberg!

Auburn probably ended up with the second-best win of the weekend (after MSU over LSU), and the way that it happened left many Tiger fans feeling confident as Gus Malzahn gets ready to take his club into Athens this coming Saturday. Before we run through the conference, let’s check the new polls.

AP TOP 25

Clemson

Alabama

Florida

Georgia

Notre Dame

Ohio State

Auburn

Miami

Texas

Penn State

UCF

North Carolina

Texas A&M

Oregon

Cincinnati

Mississippi State

Oklahoma State

Oklahoma

Wisconsin

LSU

Tennessee

BYU

Michigan

Pittsburgh

Memphis

COACHES’ POLL

Clemson

Alabama

Florida

Georgia

Notre Dame

Ohio State

Auburn

Miami

Texas

Penn State

North Carolina

UCF

Texas A&M

Mississippi State

Cincinnati

Oklahoma

LSU

Wisconsin

Oklahoma State

Tennessee

Michigan

BYU

Virginia Tech

Memphis

Pittsburgh

As for the conference, here are some basic impressions on how everyone played, in alphabetical order. In most cases, the sample size may be too small to really understand what’s going on.

ARKANSAS: Without more of a sample size, it’s hard to tell whether their early success and halftime lead against Georgia was a function of the Bulldogs’ quarterback issues or just good hard-nosed play. Maybe Kirby wanted to take it easy on his former assistant. Either way, they didn’t look as woeful as years past before Georgia’s talent took over in the second half.

ALABAMA: Still good, Jaylen Waddle is going to be hilariously inconvenient to play against (we already know that), and anyone that thought Mac Jones would falter didn’t watch Nick Saban win championships with guys who probably wouldn’t rank in the upper quarter of quarterbacks around the country. Too much talent for a team like Missouri, but the Tide didn’t really pour anything on in the second half.

AUBURN: Adjustments and offensive growth. We saw the stars play out yesterday on both sides of the ball, particularly on the edge. Auburn’s receivers and defensive backs had hellacious ballgames, and we saw some tinkering with the lines that produced better results after a slow start. As usual, Kevin Steele’s defensive adjustments may be the unsung hero of the game, but Chad Morris’ impact on Bo NIx’s game was evident from the start. Bo’s three touchdowns tied a career high and were a fantastic sign of things to come. Huge game this week in Athens.

FLORIDA: If there’s a 2020 candidate for Joe Burrow’s vacated spot, it’s Kyle Trask. he threw for 6 touchdowns yesterday, and Florida ran up the yardage and the points against Ole Miss. Kyle Pitts is going to be a huge problem for the conference this year, since the tight end had 4 scores in the win, but the Gator defense had trouble with Lane Kiffin’s offense. They may be feeling the losses of some stars from last season.

GEORGIA: Oh boy. If you’re a Dawg Hater, yesterday was hilarious to watch even if they got it together in the second half. It’s clear that Kirby’s got some quarterback problems if J.T. Daniels doesn’t come back healthy soon. While Stetson Bennett IV did well in relief, it remains to be seen what happens when someone can take away more of his weapons. George Pickens seems to be their best option right now, and the battle between him and Roger McCreary should be great on Saturday night.

KENTUCKY: These guys will step up and beat someone they shouldn’t this year, since those lines are very good. The defense never really got run over, but Auburn’s stars took advantage when they needed to. Offensively, we may see a couple of 300-yard rushing games from the Cats this season with the maulers they’ve got up front. Terry Wilson showed some rust, and if he can find a better rhythm passing, Kentucky could be a real thorn in the SEC East.

LSU: Wow. All offseason, there was a split between the two camps of “They’re reloading” and “You don’t lose all of that talent and come back stronger than before”. The latter camp won yesterday. Myles Brennan is no Joe Burrow, and while they didn’t have Derek Stingley in the defensive backfield, his presence alone wouldn’t have stopped 600+ passing yards. Bo Pelini got outcoached and run around by Mike Leach, and that should worry LSU for when they’ve got to play other teams with functional passing games.

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Best start of the season by anyone in the SEC. They did what it’s taken Auburn more than 20 years to do, and beat LSU in Baton Rouge. Mike Leach did it in his first game. The Bulldogs have bonafide stars at receiver, and Kylin Hill seems to have found his groove in the Air Raid offense. Defensively, they’ll struggle at times, and K.J. Costello will cost them a ballgame or two with turnovers, but that was one heck of an entrance into the league. They’ll be fun to watch this season, and annoying when you have to play them.

MISSOURI: Just not enough yet. Not enough talent or depth to compete with the upper crust of the conference. They’ll improve over the course of the year, but I don’t think they’ll rise up much from the bottom of the barrel. Their game against Vanderbilt could end up being for the last spot in the East.

OLE MISS: Lane Kiffin has returned, and the SEC is way more fun when he’s part of the show. Ole Miss put up some points against Florida yesterday, and Matt Corral showed why he’s a legit SEC quarterback. As usual, Kiffin brought out the bag of tricks and the Rebels had fun playing football, even if they ended up losing. Like MSU, they’re going to be a handful whenever they pop up on your schedule.

SOUTH CAROLINA: Will Muschamp played big dumb football again. Defensively, they weren’t terrible, but the offense has to find something outside of Shi Smith or else the better defenses will bottle him up. Mistakes ended up losing this game, with a tipped pick six and the clincher gaffe on the punt return at the end. If they clean it up, they could end up challenging for as high as third in the East with Kentucky and Tennessee.

TENNESSEE: The better of two classic-looking SEC teams in the East. Power run, play-action pass, you name it. It looked like 2003 out there, and Jeremy Pruitt’s got himself a couple of guys that can make plays. Jarrett Guarantano looked as solid as he has in quite some time, and the receiving efforts of Josh Palmer and Brandon Johnson provided a little flair to the offense. Defensively, they got gashed at times by the Gamecocks’ walk-on quarterback, but overall it wasn’t a bad outing.

TEXAS A&M: Is the shine off of Jimbo yet? If they’re not going to be able to put Vanderbilt away much earlier than they did, then the Aggies may be paying out an expensive contract much earlier than they’d like to. Kellen Mond, as a senior, should be showing much more development, and the A&M offense as a whole can’t put up 17 points at home against Vandy. Again, maybe the sample size is too small, and maybe Vanderbilt is pretty solid defensively, but there’s cause for concern in Aggieland with what happened last night.

VANDERBILT: Take a bow, Derek Mason. He had his defense ready to go, and limited Texas A&M to 17 points. Vandy had chances late to take the lead and really push the Aggies, but the offense just isn’t ready for the spotlight yet. They’ll make someone else sweat this season since the defense isn’t going to get gashed based on what we saw last night, but they have to be able to score 20+ points to win and right now that isn’t a reality.

We’ll have official Power Rankings coming out tomorrow, as well as Position Grades later today on yesterday’s win over Kentucky! Auburn takes on Georgia six days from now, War Eagle!

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/9/27/21458621/new-rankings-auburn-rises

[junker-town]

With Les Miles, Kansas will now lose in wackier fashion!

No P5 team wanted Les Miles, and no coach wanted the Kansas job. Luckily, it won’t take many wins for this marriage of convenience to be labeled a success.

Bill C’s annual preview series of every FBS team in college football continues. Catch up here!

You had to feel for David Beaty. By offering him its head coaching job, Kansas sealed his résumé’s fate.

A 44-year old position coach at the time, Beaty took a job no coach with major demand would have accepted, and it went as it was always destined to go. He inherited from Charlie Weis a roster that was devoid of both proven talent and a young base.

Weis had gone from eschewing JUCO transfers to desperately signing almost nothing but them in just two years, and guys left more quickly than Beaty could legally replace them. Beaty would later say Kansas had 39 scholarship players on the roster when he showed up, 28 after spring ball.

It took Beaty till the first game of his second year to win a game, and it took till the second-to-last game of that year to beat an FBS opponent (Texas, of all teams). Kansas went a ghastly 6-42 in his tenure, a .125 win percentage that was worse than either Weis’ (.214) or Turner Gill’s before him (.208). Beaty is currently suing KU to earn his $3 million buyout the school attempted to use a loophole to avoid, and paying him $3 million is the least Kansas can do for the résumé damage it inflicted on him.

The best thing, in fact, that you can say about Beaty’s tenure is that he at least left the Jayhawks as he found them.

In his final fall in Lawrence, Beaty’s Jayhawks won as many games (three) as they had in his first three years combined, and they improved to 100th in S&P+, two spots ahead of where Weis had ranked in his last year. A No. 100 ranking is clearly awful, but it was also KU’s best since 2013.

In theory, that could have meant that KU could pull a Washington State. Back in 2011, Wazzu gave Paul Wulff a fourth year on the job despite a disastrous record — 5-32 in his first three years — and it paid off when the Cougars improved to merely bad in his final season (4-8, 72nd in S&P+). The program was still in relative shambles, but the job was just attractive enough at that point to attract a more proven head coach in Mike Leach. Two years earlier, it probably wasn’t.

Technically, KU got a proven coach, too.

Les Miles had built a decent IMDB page since he was fired from LSU early in the 2016 season. He had the personality to eventually become a pretty good college football commentator if he wanted to go that route. Or, since he is at retirement age for normal professions, the 65-year old could have simply decided to buy a ranch and disappear.

He wanted to coach again. Most aging coaches do. He couldn’t find any takers during the 2016 or 2017 coaching carousels, but late in 2018 he found a match. Granted, it was a “last two people in the bar at the end of the night” sort of match, but that’s just semantics.

Miles has won 142 games as a head coach. Before he took LSU to five top-10 finishes and the 2007 national title, he helped to lay the foundation for the Oklahoma State program that Mike Gundy would eventually so capably lead. Even after he seemed to lose his fastball at LSU, he was still producing eight- and nine-win seasons.

So why didn’t anyone want him leading their program? You’d have to survey athletic directors to know for sure, but it wasn’t hard to assume that Miles just seemed a little bit past his sell-by date. His LSU offenses were retrograde, continuing to lean on girth and the run game well after football began shifting more toward spreading things out. In his last eight seasons in Baton Rouge, LSU’s offense ranked worse than 30th in Off. S&P+ five times; granted, it was never worse than 41st, but when you’re signing top-five classes with regularity, you want at least top-15 results.

There was the major rub: he could still win eight to 10 games a year with top-notch recruiting, but no one that could sign a top class was going to hire him. And now he takes over a Power Five program that hasn’t inked even a top-40 class since 2011 and has, per the 247Sports Composite, signed four four-star prospects this decade. Miles has to go back to the underdog days of his early OSU tenure.

If there’s good news here, it’s that the bar at Lawrence is ... basically on the floor. If he simply builds a competent, physical squad that can recruit around an identity, pull an occasional upset, and maybe threaten to win five or six games within the next few years, then his tenure will have been a success. But that’s obviously not a given.

Offense

Within two months, Miles was already on his second offensive coordinator. He lured Chip Lindsey away from his stale marriage as Auburn OC, but then Lindsey took the Troy head coaching job. Having tried and failed at the “hire a young up-and-comer” approach, Miles did what he does a lot: he went old-school.

Les Koenning will be calling the plays for Miles’ first team. The 60-year old former Texas wideout has served as OC at Duke, Houston, Alabama, Texas A&M, South Alabama, Mississippi State, and UAB. His last two tenures were frustrating — he couldn’t top 37th in Off. S&P+ at MSU despite top-25 overall talent and QB Dak Prescott (the Bulldogs leaped to 10th the year after he left), and his first and only UAB offense ranked 117th.

Koenning’s career peak came with the physical, run-heavy A&M offenses of the mid-aughts. In theory, he could enjoy what he has to work with, as basically the only semi-proven aspect of this KU roster is the run game.

Jay Biggerstaff-USA TODAY Sports

Pooka Williams

KU ranked a perfectly decent 67th in Rushing S&P+ last year, thanks primarily to the work of then-freshman Pooka Williams Jr., one of the decade’s aforementioned four four-stars. He rushed for 1,125 yards (7 per carry) — he had 252 in a wild loss to Oklahoma — and caught 33 of 40 passes for 289 yards and a 45 percent success rate.

Williams is a hell of a potential parting gift from Beaty to Miles ... but only if he’s eligible to play. He was suspended from the program in December due to a domestic battery allegation.

Williams signed a diversion agreement to avoid conviction, and I’m guessing he ends up back with the team before fall camp. If he doesn’t, the number of proven offensive players on the roster goes from one to zero.

Backup backs Khalil Herbert and Dom Williams are decent (Herbert is reasonably explosive, and Dom Williams’ efficiency numbers were slightly better than Pooka’s, albeit without the big plays), and you could do worse than left tackle Hakeem Adeniji. But the four-star sophomore is the only difference maker here. The line is experienced and meaty — Adeniji and five others with starting experience have an average size of 6’5, 310 — but this isn’t a great unit without Pooka.

Michael C. Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Hakeem Adeniji

The passing game is, to put it charitably, an unknown. Three of last year’s top four wideouts are gone, leaving junior possession man Stephon Robinson Jr. and long-ago Alabama transfer Daylon Charlot as the leading returning options. Charlot did average a team-best 14.8 yards per catch last year, but on just 12 catches. Miles signed two three-star JUCOs to provide desperately-needed depth.

Oh yeah, and then there’s the QB position. Insert all shrug emojis here. It appears JUCO transfer Thomas MacVittie is your most likely starter, but anybody from a pool of MacVittie, senior Carter Stanley, sophomore Miles Kendrick, UNC grad transfer Manny Miles (Les’ son), and freshmen Torry Locklin or Jordan Medley could see the field at some point.

Defense

Miles indeed went younger with his defensive coordinator hire, selecting 42-year old former Kentucky and Colorado DC D.J. Eliot.

Like Koenning, Eliot’s track record isn’t amazing. In four seasons under Mark Stoops at UK, he averaged a Def. S&P+ ranking of 73, and in two years in Boulder he averaged 71. His next top-50 defense will be his first.

Granted, a No. 71 defense would be KU’s second-best of the decade. The Jayhawks leaped to 55th in 2013 but haven’t topped even 94th since 2014.

Michael C. Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Kyron Johnson

When Eliot’s CU defenses were at their best, it was because of an exciting linebacking corps. The Buffaloes were eighth in linebacker havoc rate (tackles for loss, passes defensed, and forced fumbles divided by total plays); you figure Eliot would have enjoyed working with Joe Dineen Jr. and Keith Loneker Jr. Unfortunately, they’re both gone. Only one returning linebacker made more than two havoc plays last year: junior and former reserve Kyron Johnson.

Eliot might have also enjoyed tackle Daniel Wise, but he’s also gone, as are five of last year’s top six tacklers on the line. Pass rusher Azur Kamara is the only returning lineman who made more than six tackles.

The front seven is pretty dire, in other words. Miles signed a pair of JUCO tackles, and it’s going to take Eliot quite a bit of experimentation to get the right pieces in the right places. If four-star freshman linebacker Steven Parker were ready out of the gates, that would be a welcome development.

Scott Sewell-USA TODAY Sports

Corione Harris

There’s at least continuity in the secondary. KU ranked 103rd in passing marginal efficiency, 126th on passing downs, but there was a lot of shuffling going on -- 10 defensive backs were on the field long enough to make at least five tackles. Granted, you’d like to blame struggles more on youth than is possible here (there were only three freshmen and sophomores among these 10).

Still, there are some potential play-makers in this group. Bryce Torneden recorded 5.5 tackles for loss and 8.5 run stuffs from the nickel position, safety Mike Lee is a keeper, and sophomore Corione Harris (another rare four-star) and senior Hasan Defense combined for three TFLs and 16 passes defensed.

Harris and sophomore safety Davon Ferguson could provide a nice base of talent moving forward, but the secondary will lose up to six or seven contributing seniors after this year. It will take a step backwards just as the front six/seven theoretically starts to figure things out.

Special Teams

Beaty didn’t leave Miles a lot to work with in special teams. The Jayhawks were 71st in Special Teams S&P+ (not horrible!), but Gabriel Rui was the bright spot (he was 6-for-8 on field goals longer than 40 yards), and he’s gone. Pooka Williams (if on the roster) and Kwamie Lassiter II have potential as return men, and punter Kyle Thompson isn’t horrible, but this isn’t a great unit by any means.

2019 outlook

2019 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 31-Aug Indiana State NR 10.0 72% 7-Sep Coastal Carolina 116 6.0 64% 14-Sep at Boston College 72 -15.3 19% 21-Sep West Virginia 38 -18.2 15% 28-Sep at TCU 34 -23.8 8% 5-Oct Oklahoma 5 -34.5 2% 19-Oct at Texas 35 -23.5 9% 26-Oct Texas Tech 55 -14.4 20% 2-Nov Kansas State 64 -12.6 23% 16-Nov at Oklahoma State 22 -27.4 6% 23-Nov at Iowa State 43 -21.8 10% 30-Nov Baylor 40 -17.7 15%

Projected S&P+ Rk 107 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 117 / 96 Projected wins 2.6 Five-Year S&P+ Rk -14.3 (119) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 67 2018 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* 16 / -0.2 2018 TO Luck/Game +6.7 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 52% (49%, 56%) 2018 Second-order wins (difference) 2.8 (0.2)

Win your first two games, and figure out the rest as you go. That’s pretty much the only goal for KU in 2019. The Jayhawks begin with home games against Indiana State (a projected 10-point win per S&P+) and Coastal Carolina (a six-point win) and are underdogs by at least 12.6 points in every remaining game.

This being a Les Miles team, you figure KU pulls a wild upset somewhere along the way — and it better involve some ridiculous fake punt or triple-deflection — but on paper this team has far too many question marks to hope for more than about 3-9 or, best-case, 4-8.

Again, the bar is awfully low for Miles, and all it’ll take is one upset or one five-win season in the next two or three years for us to feel like he’s done a good job. But the odds are pretty good that his coaching career will now officially end with quite a few more losses on his docket than he had before. But I guess it beats buying a ranch and disappearing.

Team preview stats

All 2019 preview data to date.

[aelyriel]

Finland Blog Day 5

The main activity for today was visiting two schools in Helsinki.  So in Finland, school is compulsory from grades 1-9 (ages 7-16).  After that, students can choose to go to high school or vocational school (usually 3 more years).  Although there are two tracks, it is apparently somewhat flexible in that even if you initially go to high school you can switch to vocational school, or vice versa.  It is also possible to go to university from either type of school, but the vast majority of university students come from high schools (and if you know you want to go to university, high school is your best route for getting in). You also have to meet a GPA requirement to attend high school, although the cutoff varies from school to school.  All teachers in Finland have to have Master’s degrees in their subject area.  School is free to attend through university, and there is also free lunch at school through grade 12 (not at university). There are both public and private schools, but the amount of funding is pretty much the same, the private schools just have a little more control over how they spend their money.  Students in Finland don’t have really any standardized tests except for a matriculation exam at the end of high school, and even this test isn’t “high stakes” the way it is in the US (evaluation of schools and teachers isn’t based on these test scores - our Finnish colleagues pointed out that it is a very high-stakes test for the student in terms of determining their future, but it’s “all on them” if you will). Teachers have a lot of control over how they teach their classes, and they aren’t evaluated like in the US.  The teacher we talked to said that in the several decades he’d been teaching, his principal has come to observe his class twice, and only because he was interested in the subject (not to evaluate the teacher).  Basically, teachers are trusted to know what they are doing.  The set-up of the school year in high school is a lot like in American colleges/universities. The year is divided into “periods” which are ~6 weeks, and students take several (maybe 5?) courses each period.  So each course is short - rather than a course in Physics, for example, there are courses in Newtonian motion and in electricity and circuits.  A little over half of the courses are required subjects, and the rest are electives.  And although a course meets 5 times a week, it is not necessarily once a day - it might meet for a double class period one day and then not meet the next.

At the first school we visited, we first spent some time just talking to one of the teachers there who told us a lot about the school system (like the information above).  We got to see a few of the classrooms, although most of the students were in between class periods when we were touring.  We saw this teacher’s math classroom, a middle school chemistry classroom, a psychology classroom, and an English classroom.  Students in the psychology class were giving group presentations over book chapters the group was responsible for, and the English class was having a Socratic-seminar-style discussion. (Keep in mind that English is a third language for these students....I was really impressed.)  We also ate lunch in the school’s cafeteria.

The second school we saw was a teacher training school.  In Finland, student teachers aren’t placed everywhere - they go to specific schools, like how we have teaching hospitals.  The teacher training schools are some of the best schools with the best teachers.  The grade point to get in to this school was a 9.2 out of 10, compared to a 7 at the first school we saw.  We got to meet with the administrative principal, who oversees two schools.  He is in charge of most of the budgeting decisions and larger management of the schools, and oversees 5 principals (2 at one school and 3 at the other).  At this meeting we also talked with one of the teachers from the school, who was our “tour guide” for the afternoon.  He and all of the other teachers at this school are mentor teachers for the student teachers that come there.  He also has multiple (I want to say between 5 and 10?) student teachers at a time.  Although Finland’s teacher education program is more rigorous than in the US in many ways, it sounded like the student teachers actually don’t spend as much time teaching (at least not as much as at MSU, although our student teaching program is pretty unique in its length).  Most of the student teachers’ time is observing, although they do teach several lessons themselves.  We asked if there is a specific rubric on which their lessons get evaluated by the mentor, and they were kind of like “What...?”  Like in the US, teachers often get evaluated on very specific things, but in Finland it’s pretty much up to the mentor teacher what to look for, and the focus is really on helping the student become the kind of teacher they are as a person.   We also saw a couple of classrooms at this school, including sitting in on the end of a physics lesson.  It wasn’t that different from an American class. We saw the students drawing models of different situations involving static charges, which we were happy to see, and then saw the teacher go over the situations with the students and then introduce Coulomb’s Law.  Of course, we weren’t sure about the specific talk moves she was using, as the class was in Finnish.

After the school visits, we had a few hours before dinner, so we walked around downtown Helsinki and went to some of the stores.  We started at a souvenir shop, and then went to a department store...where my classmate and I played Pokemon Go while the “grownups” shopped for clothes.  We went to a couple more stores in a mall, including a cute Finnish designer boutique.  Dinner was at a very nice restaurant - I had lobster bisque, and perch fillets in a truffle butter sauce, which were delicious.  At dinner we were joined by one of the Chilean researchers, as well as two teachers from the first school we visited.  After dinner, we went with one of the teachers and our Finnish guides to a bar across the street for a beer, and then headed back to the hotel.

Tomorrow morning we have a presentation about the history of the Finnish school system, and then have the afternoon off (perfect for souvenir shopping).