#movie companies and execs get up and start pay them

[eternallovers65]

Hollywood better give them writers and actors a raise cause I need Cillian Murphy, Emily Blunt, Robert Downey Jr., Margot Robbie, and Ryan Gosling domination during this award season

[bobathirstaccount]

AU - Business Trip Pt 6

You meet the new sales exec at a company offsite…

Boba x fem!reader, smut, weed smoking

***

Your friend text you during one of your 15 minute breaks in your workday. It was Wed, right before virtual All Hands - West Coast. You clicked into her text message.

-girl i know you’re gonna c it so imma lyk… go to miss bp’s insta

Stomach dropping, you did so as fast as you could. You frowned. There was a new photo of her and Boba. You read the caption, “work date ♥️”

Ugh, you thought. You text back.

-ok well they aren’t touching. So i guess she’s helping w new client?

But you didn’t feel as even keeled as your text sounded. You went back to study the photo, scolding yourself for doing so. They appeared to be in a house. You wondered whose, mood souring further. You zoomed in, feeling insane but doing it anyway. Yes, you thought you’d seen it. A bottle of wine was just visible on the left side of the photo, on a table. So, booze was involved. Work date. Work… date. Date. You signed in to All Hands, but didn’t pay attention.

***

After work, you settled into your sofa and pulled up the damn Instagram post again. It was still there, mocking you as you scrutinized it for more details. Miss BP was wearing casual clothing, very casual, you thought. She was wearing a sports bra and zip up workout top, with the zipper decidedly not zipped. Annoyed, you text your friend.

-what should i do?

-abt the pic? nothing, just wait until 2morrow.. you c him tomorrow night right?

This was true. You frowned and text back.

-yeah. But should i text him tonight?

-NO

-let him txt u tomorrow

-then NEVER bring it up… itd be super weird if u did

-fml

-ur gonna be ok. Remind him why he’s seeing U

-but what if he’s not just seeming me?

-trust me she aint got shit on you

You smiled at her compliment, but decided to go rogue against her advice. You took a shower to feel at your best, then grabbed some lingerie Boba hadn’t seen yet. An ex had gotten it for you. Was that weird? No, you decided. You slipped into it and spent 45 minutes posing in front of your full length bedroom mirror.

Finally you had it. The Perfect Shot. You edited it to enhance the Vibes it was giving. Sending it, you sat back and waited.

And waited. You started to feel a little silly. Pulling on some comfy pjs, you made a hot beverage and got into bed. You put on a movie and fell asleep to it.

***

You woke up to a block of texts from Boba. Hurriedly, you read, then reread them.

-that’s a nice little number u got on 👀

-but i think id like to take it off. If u know what i mean

-im so drunk. Accidentaly drank too much. Laying down on a couch

-cant wait 2 c u tomorrow

You smiled, but wondered where he was laying on a couch and who he’d been drinking with. You tried to put it out of your mind, but it stuck with you all through your workday. At lunch, you gave in and text him back.

-glad u liked it. Who’s boozing u up?

Was that too direct? Oh well. It was too late now. You ate your lunch and got back to work. With an hour of work left, you checked your phone. He had text back.

-work mtg w a few coworkers. One of them brought So Much wine🍷♾ After work we all tried 2 relax and relaxed too much. I slept on a couch lol haven’t done that in a long time 🤷

You thought of the wine bottle in Miss BP’s Instagram post. Dammit. You tried to respond back cheerfully.

-lol. Hope you slept alright. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you

-never. C u soon… i drive a green bentley. U sure u dont want me to come up + get you? 😎

You smiled. How gentlemanly.

-nah i just got 1 bag… i’ll meet u @ front of my complex

-ok. Can’t wait to c u 🤤

You grinned. You decided to stop work a little early to change your outfit. You had already dressed for the evening, but decided to dress Very Casually like Miss BP had at the “work meeting.”

You closed your laptop and went to your closet. You stood in front of it for a moment before going to your dresser. Here, you pulled out a bandeau top and a loose fitting tank top to go over it. It revealed just enough to be Exciting. Then you added a nice pair of fitted jeans and some casual sandals. Okay, you thought. This works.

***

-im here. I found parking right in front lol take ur time i have a work email im finishing up

Always working, you thought. But then again, that’s why he drove a Bentley. You were ready, so you wasted no time and went down. You saw his Very Nice, shiny car and sidled up to it, feeling a bit silly. He got out of his car and jogged around it to greet you.


“Hi, baby,” he kissed your cheek as he embraced you. You hugged him back and enjoyed the light smooch. He pulled back, “C’mon, get in; I’m almost done with this dumb email and then we can take off.” Boba opened the passenger side door for you. You got in, smelling the Expensiveness of the car immediately. You looked around as he got back in and picked up his phone.

The interior was immaculate. You looked back to Boba. He was engrossed in his email, furiously typing out a response.

You looked around the car again. That’s when you noticed it. In the backseat, there was a black bag with white lettering. CHANEL. It confronted you. Surprised, you turned around, pretending to not have seen it.


“You saw it, go ahead and look. I’m almost done, I promise. I wanted to get you something nice for this weekend; hope you like it.”

You gulped and grabbed the bag. Pulling the tissue paper out of the way, your eyes got wide as you pulled out the item. It was a classic Chanel bag. Your mouth dropped open.

“Do you like it?” He was still typing.

“Do I like it,” you laughed in disbelief, “of course, it’s gorgeous and… and… you shouldn’t have.”

”I absolutely should have. I also got you something else, but it’s smaller.” He continued to type.

You searched the shopping bag and found a smaller bag at the bottom. This one was white with delicate lettering on it. Van Cleef & Arpels. Holy SHIT, you thought. You tore through the packaging to the box inside. Carefully opening it, you were confronted with a traditional style bracelet. It had green stones inlaid in it. Of course, you thought, smiling. He had a thing for green.

“Wow, I love it… the green stones are so unique,” you slipped it onto your wrist and fastened it. Holding your arm out, you admired it.


“Okay, done!” He put his phone in the center console. “Looks good on you. Okay, let’s get going…” He put the car in drive and you were off.


***

-omg bitch i’m in a bentley.and he got me GIFTS. Like, expensive

You typed hurriedly while you were stopped at a gas station. Boba was inside searching for the type of drink you liked while he grabbed some chips for himself.

-tell me E V E R Y T H I N G

-ok ok so. He got me a chanel bag and van cleef & arpels bracelet. And he drives a bentley

-omfg sned me a pic asap!!!

You snapped a few quick photos of your newly gotten goods and sent them off. You received a flurry of texts in response.

-bitch what!!

-look at all that loot

-daddy likes u

-♥️ the bag obvi

You were laughing as Boba got back in the car. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh,” you tried to compose yourself a bit, “My friend -the one you met at the offsite, Vodka Girl- she likes the bag you got me.”

“Ohh, already gossiping. How am I rating so far?”

”Very good,” you said smugly, leaning over to kiss him. He grabbed your hand and held it as you smooched.

“Good,” he pulled away and you settled back into the passenger seat. Time to drive again. You put your phone aside so you could continue the conversation you and Boba were having.

***

You were gently shaken awake. “Huh, omigosh did I fall asleep?” You slurred. You heard Boba laugh as you came to your senses, “Yeah, just for like the last half hour. You were so peaceful I couldn’t wake you. But, we’re here now.”

You sat up and looked out of the car windshield, curious. You were parked in front of a very charming bed & breakfast. The cute little sign read, “Bodega Bay B&B.” It was carefully hand painted. You smiled, taken by the place immediately.

“Is this quaint or what?” Boba asked, his hand finding your thigh. Turning to him, you smiled, “So cute. I can’t wait to see how it looks on the inside.”

”Well, let’s check in and find out.” He grabbed your small overnight bag from the back seat.

***

“Baby, it’s lovely,” you commented as you twirled around in the middle of your suite. It had its own bathroom and a wonderful view of the ocean, with a little balcony just big enough for two chairs. Boba smiled, “Not as lovely as you.”

You walked over to him and jumped into his arms.

“So, princess… what’re we gonna do now? I have reservations for us for dinner, but that’s 45 minutes from now, and it’s basically across the street.”

“Hmm… whatever will we get up to?” You pulled your tank top off and tossed it aside.

“Hm, nice top…” He kissed your collarbone. Your heart fluttered as he tossed you down on the bed. Crawling in on top of you, he commented, “I have a few ideas what we can do…” He unbuttoned your jeans and pulled the zipper down slowly. “Like… I could fuck you senseless again,” his voice was a rough purr now.

Pulling your jeans off, he rubbed his erection into your panties. “Hmm, can’t wait,” he purred softly. You were becoming desperate for him. Trying to play it down a bit, you coyly pulled your bandeau top off. He watched, eyes hooded with desire.

“Nice show, princess,” Boba growled, pulling his sweatpants down. He quickly pulled your panties to the side. Sliding his fingers into your wet folds, he purred, “You need some attention… well I’m gonna give it to you.” He rubbed into you but didn’t penetrate you. You squirmed, whining softly, wanting more.

“All in due time, princess,” he drawled, taking his time. With his other hand, he pumped himself several times. Slowly, he shifted his weight so he could kiss you. Lining his hips up with yours, he slid his cock up your thigh and in between your legs. He lightly rutted into your wetness while he kissed you hard.

Begging for more, you scratched down his back with both hands. “Keep begging, princess, it suits you.” He fended you off, holding your hands above your head with one hand. The other he used to prop himself up on his elbow, so he could kiss you again. While you two kissed like your lives depended on it, he thrust into you swiftly. Moaning, you bucked your hips involuntarily.

Fucking you slowly, he purred, “Beg some more… tell me how you want it.”

Delirious, you moaned his name instead. He smiled mischievously, “Hmm, yes?” He started to fuck you harder, still holding your arms above your head. You struggled lightly against him for the thrill. He held you in place and fucked you harder, “Where you think you’re going?”

Arching your back, you pleaded, “Hold me down and fuck me until I scream.” Boba growled and flipped you over. Pulling your legs apart, he laid over you and rubbed into you for a moment. His cock kept sliding right around the right spot, driving you crazy. You tried to buck your hips, but he held you in place. Groaning, he used a knee to spread one leg wider. “Now I’m gonna make you scream,” he said darkly. You felt him slide inside slowly. Whining, you reached for his hip with one hand, “Harder.”

Boba grunted and abruptly started fucking you just the way you’d asked. “You like this, princess? You’re so bad,” he pumped into you, “You’re so good at being bad.”

As he fucked you, one of his hands wiggled under your chest to grab you. Squeezing, he moaned, “You feel amazing, spread your legs for me…” You did as he commanded, feeling him fuck you deeper. The rhythmic pace took you over the edge. Squirming under him, you gasped and moaned. “That’s it princess, tell me how good it feels when I make you cum.”

In an unladylike tone, you begged for his cock, harder. “Fuck you’re so bad…” He slammed into you as you came hard, going limp in your extremities as your pussy spasmed on his shaft.

“Fuck, I wish I could cum in you,” He muttered, grabbing you by the throat. He gave a few more savage fucks before pulling out, groaning and shaking. Rolling off, he pulled you against him. You both laid there, feeling a bit dazed. You grabbed his hand and held it. He squeezed your hand twice.

***

“Wake up, princess, if you wanna go to dinner.” Your arm was being gently rubbed. You felt a kiss on your temple. You cracked an eye open.

“How much time we have?” You murmured, wanting five more minutes of glorious sleep.

“Oh, say 10 minutes.”

Your eyes flew open.

“Shit! I gotta shower, and makeup, and my hair, well, that’s a mess —“

He put a finger over your lips.

“Shh. No stressing allowed. It’s super casual. We can also Grubhub something if you don’t wanna get out of bed.”

You considered for a few more seconds, enjoying the feeling of the soft comforter on the bed.

“Let’s go! But I do need to shower - I’ll be real fast!” You sat up slowly.

“We don’t have to go, I’m more interested in just spending time with you doing what you want.”

Smiling softly, you snuggled into him. “I wanna see what you have planned. Lemme hurry.” You pecked a kiss on his lips and leapt up.

Turning on the shower, you called, “Hey, pick out one of the two dresses I brought.”

”Okay, uh, I just… go through your stuff?” He sounded astonished.

”What do you think you’re gonna find in there?” You laughed, jumping under the water. It was hot. Delicious. You quickly sudsed up and rinsed. Stepping out carefully, you grabbed a towel and went into the bedroom. You grinned crookedly. He was holding your underwear in his hands. “Uh, I got distracted. I like these ones, by the way,” he held up the crotchless black undies you’d gotten specifically for this trip.

“Oh those; those are for dinner tonight. Thanks for finding them.” You took them from him and slipped them on. Standing there, you put your hands on your hips. “Well, which dress?”

”You sure.. you uh, need anything else?” He teased as he turned back to your weekend bag. Rifling through it, he found the strappy black dress first. “Oh, definitely this one,” he offered it to you.

You shimmied into it and found the correct pair of shoes. Putting some moisturizer on, you turned to him. “Okay, let’s go.”

”With a minute to spare!” He teased, laughing. He offered his arm. You took it, feeling shy and sexy at the same time.

“One thing, though; how do you think I’m supposed to focus during dinner, knowing you’re wearing those panties?”

***

You couldn’t stop laughing on the short walk back to the B&B. Stoned and very horny, you kept grabbing for his belt while you walked. He good naturedly kept you at bay, but under his breath he was murmuring a string of dirty promises to you.

“Once we get back to our room, I swear I’m gonna — Oh, hi, good evening, yes she’s fine she’s just… tired,“ he interrupted himself to talk to a well meaning couple heading the other way. They nodded and headed off, arm in arm as well.

“Anyway, I’m gonna spoil you with some online shopping and then I’m gonna turn the lights off and make you and the bed shake.”

You murmured in excitement, still going after his pants. He laughed, “Last time we vape at dinner. Next time we sit inside. I shoulda known you’d be so bad, though, what was I thinking.”

“You love it,” you exclaimed, letting him guide you down the driveway to the B&B entrance. “I do,” he said softly, making sure you didn’t walk off the gravel and into the shrubbery.

“Where’d these bushes come from?” You complained.

“Oh, they must’ve just planted them,” he said seriously.

“Stop it! You’re making fun of me,” you giggled as you reached the front of the door. “Okay, shhh, we’re entering a domicile,” you teased. Boba laughed softly, “I’ll do my best.”

He ended up carrying you up the stairs as you couldn’t quite seem to get the hang of them at the moment. Setting you down in front of the door to your suite, he fished for the metal key in his pocket.

“So cool,” you murmured, as he unlocked the door. You breezed inside as he followed.

“Okay, so what was this about shopping?” You asked gleefully.

“Well,” he sat on the little couch and motioned to you to join him, “I wanted to buy you a dress to go with that bag, but I didn’t know what you would like. So let’s pick one out together. Where do you wanna look first?”

***

An hour later you had spent just under $3,000.00 on two dresses and a couple accessories Boba insisted on. As he used Apple Pay to finalize everything, you casually pulled out your phone to text your friend.

-omg girl.. he just dropped $3k on some stuff for me… it was HIS idea btw

She text back after a few seconds.

-omfg!!! 😏 daddy liiiiikes you 💘

-stop calling him that lol

-noooo. Omg. Do you have a bf?

-idk… we havent really talked abt that

You looked over at him shyly. He was sipping a glass of water calmly, waiting for you to finish. You put your phone away.

“So. What was this about turning the lights off…” you asked coyly.

***

-ok. Keep it casual rn… but totally let him spoil u tho

-hey r u still there?

-r u two fing rn?

-lol bet

-kk niiight 😘

You awoke to a string of texts from your bestie. You read them quickly while you were snuggled against a still sleeping Boba. Texting back, you wondered what Boba had in store for today.

-gm babe ☀️so i just had the Night Of My Life last night

-he’s crazy in bed lol

You stopped yourself from oversharing. Putting your phone aside, you rolled over and cuddled into Boba’s sleeping form. He grumbled lightly, but ended up snoring slightly as he settled down again.

Boba’s phone rang. He grumbled, “Who’s there?”

Laughing softly, you whispered, “It’s your phone.”

As it continued ringing loudly, he reached for it, complaining, “Who would call me like this.” He shook his head as he put the phone down, letting it ring. He sighed, “It’s only 7:30 in the morning and people are calling me about work.”

You wondered somewhat irrationally if it was Miss Beauty Pageant as Boba continued, “It’s Melissa… you met her at the offsite.”

Your eyes flew all the way open. Miss BP! Boba continued talking. “She’s super helpful, but I don’t know what’s so important she has to call me this early. Anyway now that we’re both awake, wanna see about breakfast?”

”O-okay,” you were stewing on Miss BP’s phone call.

“Mmm okay, let me get dressed and I’ll go see.” He sat up and stretched, looking good in the morning light. “Okay, I’m going now,” he coached himself into getting out of bed. “Omigosh, this carpet is really nice though,” he commented as he grabbed his pants.

You watched as he closed the door behind himself. Then you rolled over, and, fluffing your pillow, text your friend again.

-miss bp just called him! He didnt answer

She appeared to not be awake yet, as you got no response. You continued texting her anyway.

-what do u think it means?

The door opened and you heard Boba’s warm purr, “Breakfast is gonna be up shortly.” He jumped into bed, “Better get dressed. That sucks for me, but I guess I can always just undress you afterwards.”

You laughed softly as you sat up and stretched slowly. “Pick me out an outfit?” You asked, sleepy.

He got up and went through your bag again. He pulled out a cute little number you’d grabbed as a last minute thought.

“How about this? I like the color.” He offered it to you.

“‘Kay,” you slipped into it and went and laid on the couch. After a minute, there was a knock at the door. Food! You thought. You got up and sat like an adult at the small breakfast table as Boba answered the door.

***

You had ended up sitting outside for dinner again. As you rehashed the day with him, Boba offered you the vape pen again. “I’ll just supervise you this time,” he teased, winking at you.

Flustered by his flirting, you took a hit. Passing it back to him, you answered his question, “Okay, so my favorite part of the day. Gotta be… seeing the schoolhouse from The Birds.”

”Really? Cool. We could watch it tonight when we get back to our room.”

You smiled wickedly. “Sure, ‘watch,’” you intoned. He grinned and shrugged. Just as he was about to say something, his cell rang.

“Oh shit, that’s CEO ring tone… let me see if there’s an emergency.” You nodded and sat back, vaping while he answered his phone.

“Hi. Oh, okay. I will. Okay, bye.” He hung up, saying, “I need to check my work email. I paused notifications for our trip. But we have a potential lead, so I need to respond to some questions really fast.”

You mmhmmed at him and vaped some more while he read the email and started typing. “Hm, I need some research for one question. Hold on, one more thing I just need to call someone to do it for me.”

You laughed, “Must be nice.”

He stuck his tongue out at you as he placed his call. You were busy smiling as he said, “Hi, Melissa.”

Your eyes widened as you tried to casually sip your drink. Why’d he have to call her, of all people? You couldn’t help yourself… you casually eavesdropped as you vaped.

“So, I just forwarded you an email. I need some help with question 3, do you have bandwidth right now? I know it’s the weekend…”

He leaned back in his seat, “Okay, thanks. … Hmmm, no ….. Oh. Cool. Yeah we could meet up. Okay, bye.”

You nervously sipped your drink again.
“What’s wrong?” He sounded concerned. “Sorry I had to work.”

“Oh, it’s fine. I totally get it. That’s why you make the big bucks,” you joked.


He tilted his head, “Then what is it?”

”Oh, nothing,” you lied, hitting the vape pen to stall for time. “I’m just hungry.”

He let it go, but didn’t looked convinced. You handed him the pen, “Here, take this before I vape myself under the table again.”

He laughed, “Kay. But you were so cute.”

Feeling shy, you smiled. Suddenly the waiter was there with your appetizers. You sat back as they were placed in front of you.

Time to Let It Go, you forced yourself to focus on the meal and company at hand. Life was good today.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Podcasting "About Those Killswitched Ukrainian Tractors"

This week on my podcast, I read my Medium column, “About Those Killswitched Ukrainian Tractors,” in which I am a bit of a buzzkill about that feel-good story of a Ukrainian John Deere dealership bricking $5m worth of tractors stolen by Russian looters:

https://doctorow.medium.com/about-those-kill-switched-ukrainian-tractors-bc93f471b9c8

In case you missed the underlying story, here’s a quick recap. Russian looters, abetted by the Russian military, stole $5m worth of tractors and combines from a Deere dealership in Melitopol, Ukraine. The dealership was able to use the tractors’ own electronics to track them to Chechnya — and they were able to send out a self-destruct code that bricked the tractors, rendering them inoperable.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/05/01/europe/russia-farm-vehicles-ukraine-disabled-melitopol-intl/index.html

A lot of people sent me this story. It’s a perfect cyberpunk nugget! But despite the superficial appeal of this electronically delivered comeuppance to Russian looters, this isn’t a feel-good story. The underlying lesson here is: “Anyone who can pressure, hack, or convince John Deere can brick any Deere tractor, anywhere.”

Who might do such a thing? Well, possibly Russia, whose militarized hacker teams honed their tactics by successfully effecting remote takeovers critical Ukrainian infrastructure. The same kill-switch that Ukraine used to take down some petty Russian looters could be used by Russian hackers to attack the entire Ukrainian agriculture sector:

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/books/story/2019-11-01/sandworm-andy-greenberg-cybersecurity

Which raises the question: why are there kill-switches in Deere tractors? This is a good question to ask about any kill-switch. As a sf writer, I just hate those sci-fi movies where someone accidentally hits the self-destruct button on the bridge of a spaceship. I always think, “You know, I’m no aerospace engineer, but wouldn’t this be a better spaceship if it wasn’t designed to explode?”

The kill-switches in Deere tractors weren’t designed to thwart Russian looters — they were designed to thwart American farmers. Deere’s industrial strategy takes its cues from other industries — mobile phones, cars, med-tech, etc: they use tech to lock in their customers, harvest and sell their data, and extract fees from them.

In Deere’s case, this started with a data-play: as a top Deere exec boasted to me at a conference some years ago, the company uses the sensors on farmers’ tractors to build a centimeter-accurate grid of soil humidity and density. The locks on Deere tractors prevent farmers from accessing this data directly — rather, they are reliant on whatever plans Deere cooks up.

Originally, Deere denied farmers this data, except through their preferred seed partner Monsanto (now Bayer). Deere sold the data — and the farmers — to Monsanto, and farmers who wanted to practice precision agriculture needed to do so with Monsanto seed. Today, Deere allows farmers to download their data from an online portal, but that could change again.

https://developer-portal.deere.com/#/myjohndeere/field-operations/field-operations-overview

I’m not surprised to learn that Deere has stopped selling farmers to Bayer, because — as that executive boasted to me — the real money in ag data is in aggregating global soil condition data, from all Deere customers, and selling it to the finance sector to inform commodity futures trades. Deere sells farmers’ data to people making bets against the farmers.

Remember this the next time you hear, “If you’re not paying for the product, you’re the product.” Deere doesn’t give away ad-supported tractors. Farmers pay six- and seven-figure sums for Deere equipment — and they’re still the product. The thing that determines whether a company can treat you like “product” isn’t whether you’re paying — it’s whether they can get away with it.

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/22/mesmer-2-point-oh/#thanks-obama

Deere can get away with it. Having merged with or acquired so many rivals, they have market power — that is, monopoly power. What’s more, the law is on their side. Specifically, they benefit from Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), which bans breaking DRM and makes trafficking in DRM-breaking tools a 5-year prison-sentence felony.

This law — and related laws, like the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, as well as contract law, trade secrecy, patents, etc — gave rise to a practice called VIN-locking. VIN-locking started in the automotive industry (VIN stands for Vehicle Identification Number), and it’s the main battle in the right to repair (R2R) fight.

VINs are the unique identifiers inscribed on cars’ engine-blocks, and, these days, indelibly associated with cars’ on-board computers. VIN-locking is when new engine parts have to be initialized with a cryptographically signed code that says, “This part is now associated with this engine.”

These VIN-locks are protected by the DMCA. Providing a tool to bypass them, which would allow independent mechanics to swap in the part and then initialize it, carries a potential prison sentence of 5 years and a $500K fine for a first offense. Thus, the act of fixing a car without manufacturer authorization becomes a crime.

Manufacturers love the ability to control repair. Not only does being the only game in town mean that you charge a fortune for parts and service — it also means that you can declare something “beyond repair” and insist that the customer throw away their product and buy a new one.

Farmers have been doing their own repairs since time immemorial — that’s why even Roman farmhouse foundations have spaces for forges and workshops. When you’re at the end of a country road and the storm is on the horizon, you have to get the crops in, and you can’t wait for a mechanic or technician to come and fix the tools you depend on.

Deere owes its business to farmers’ tractor modifications and repairs. It once sent field engineers out to farms across America to report back on farmers’ innovations, which it then patented (ugh, I know) and incorporated in its future tractors:

https://securityledger.com/2019/03/opinion-my-grandfathers-john-deere-would-support-our-right-to-repair/

Today, Deere says that farmers can’t be trusted to use their own tractors after they fix them, and must wait for days or longer for a Deere technician to come out and inspect the fix and type an unlock code into their tractors — after they pay hundreds of dollars for the privilege.

Worse, Deere actually told the US Copyright Office that farmers don’t own their tractors — they can’t, because the software in the tractor is only licensed, not sold, so they have to abide by the tractors’ terms of service.

https://memex.craphound.com/2017/04/22/john-deere-just-told-the-copyright-office-that-only-corporations-can-own-property-humans-can-only-license-it/

Deere was joined by other companies in making this claim — notably, GM and other car makers (that is, the companies behind VIN-locking). But it’s not just car companies and tractor monopolists who say you can’t own (or fix) your stuff. Med-tech companies love this. Take Medtronic, a med-tech monopolist that is one of the lowest-taxed medical companies in the world, thanks to a reverse-merger with an Irish company.

Medtronic makes the workhorse PB840 ventilator, a two decade old product that is widely found in hospitals around the world. Hospital technicians — like farmers — have a long tradition of fixing their own equipment, for much the same reason. When the ventilator breaks, you need to fix it so you can save someone’s life, rather than waiting around for a Medtronic technician to show up and charge hundreds of dollars for a service call.

But Medtronic also practices VIN-locking, which means that the simplest, most common repairs — cannibalizing a working part out of a busted ventilator to keep another one going — are no longer possible without breaking the DMCA. That’s exactly what hospital med-techs did during lockdown, when demand for ventilators spiked just as Medtronic grounded all its technicians.

This was only possible thanks to a brave, anonymous ex-Medtronic employee, who built illegal circumvention tools inside improvised housings (clock radios, guitar pedals, etc) and mailed them to technicians around the world:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/10/flintstone-delano-roosevelt/#medtronic-again

We don’t know his name, because the EU’s laws — Article 6 of the EUCD — also ban trafficking in circumvention devices.

Whenever right to repair bills come up at the state level, VIN-locking companies team up to defeat them. The ringleader of these anti-repair conspiracies is always Apple, who claimed that letting you fix your phone would lead to your battery exploding and blowing your face off.

https://www.theverge.com/2019/5/1/18525542/apple-right-to-repair-bill-california-lobbyist-comptia

These safety claims are repeated by car manufacturers. For example, during the Massachusetts R2R ballot initiative campaign, Big Car ran ads warning that they had built so much spyware into your cars that allowing third party access would lead to you being stalked and murdered:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/03/rip-david-graeber/#rolling-surveillance-platforms

The automotive sector’s claims about defending your security would be more credible if they were better at it. It’s hard to take seriously a company’s claims that it — not you — understands your security needs when its cars can be hijacked over the internet, allowing randos to steer, break and accelerate your vehicle.

https://www.wired.com/2015/07/hackers-remotely-kill-jeep-highway/

Kill-switches and VIN-locking go hand-in-hand and they’re both security nightmares. In the automotive context, VIN-locking is key to the subprime car lending industry, where trillions of dollars’ worth of loans are backed up with ignition immobilizers to make it easier to repo cars when the owner misses a payment.

Owners of subprime cars often miss payments, because the subprime loans are designed for default, offered to people who can’t afford them, on deceptive terms, with balloon payments and penalties that allow a dealer to repo and re-sell the same car several times over.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U2eDJnwz_s

Dealer kill-switches are a very expedient way to settle disputes over payments. If you claim to be caught up and dealer disagrees, they can just brick your car until you write a check. These kill-switches can be fully autonomous, too: if your lease prohibits you from leaving the county, you will find yourself stranded if you cross the county line.

Among other ghastly outcomes, this has led to families being stranded beyond cellular range after going for a walk in the woods, not realizing that they’d crossed out of the county.

https://dealbook.nytimes.com/2014/09/24/miss-a-payment-good-luck-moving-that-car/

But the real problems come when the dealers’ own security is compromised. As I often say, no language on Earth contains the phrase “as secure as the IT at a used-car lot.” When the dealer gets hacked, every car they’ve sold gets bricked:

https://www.wired.com/2010/03/hacker-bricks-cars/

Deere likes to claim that it plays a vital role in the world’s food security because a compromise of its equipment could lead to large-scale ag disruptions. It’s half-right: breaking Deere’s security is a nightmare scenario for global food production — but, alas, Deere has very bad security.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/23/reputation-laundry/#deere-john

Not only is Deere’s software riddled with amateur vulnerabilities, the company hasn’t submitted any bugs to the CVE database, suggesting that its demonstrably incorrect claims of being capable guardians of the world’s food security are actually sincere:

https://sick.codes/leaky-john-deere-apis-serious-food-supply-chain-vulnerabilities-discovered-by-sick-codes-kevin-kenney-willie-cade/

Like car companies, Deere argues that its security duties make independent repair a nonstarter due to the risks this would pose. This is a common argument of companies that use kill-switches and VIN-locks to extract monopoly rents from their customers. It’s a claim Medtronic often makes, despite its own terrible security:

https://www.startribune.com/750-000-medtronic-defibrillators-vulnerable-to-hacking/507470932/

VIN-locking does resolve some risk. It makes stolen goods a little less valuable to thieves and it makes it harder for third parties to introduce malicious code to devices. But VIN-locking and kill-switching introduce much graver risks than they offset: the risk that third parties will brick all devices, and the inability of third parties to fix incompetent code.

You know who understands this? Ukrainian farmers. They lead the world in exporting illegal, alternative firmware for John Deere tractors, which farmers all over the world install to get around Deere’s VIN-locking and other odious practices.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/xykkkd/why-american-farmers-are-hacking-their-tractors-with-ukrainian-firmware

If Russian tractor thieves manage to unbrick their stolen goods, it will likely be with Ukrainian software. Ukrainian farmers live in a low-stability, low-income environment, so it’s natural that they would want to escape the rent-seeking and brittleness of Deere’s sleazy grift.

We are all living in increasingly unstable times. It’s time to put an end to VIN-locking and kill-switching, and start designing our vital systems — phones, cars, medical implants and equipment, and tractors — to be resilient and robust in the face of supply chain breakdowns and hostile takeovers.

The story of Russian hackers getting hoist on their own petard is delicious, I’ll grant you, but if you scratch the surface, it’s easy to see that this story is only the prelude to a much worse one — where Russians (or crooks, or the US government) shuts down something you depend on.

Here’s the podcast episode:

https://craphound.com/news/2022/05/19/about-those-killswitched-ukrainian-tractors/

And here’s a direct link to the MP3 (hosting courtesy of the Internet Archive; they’ll host your stuff for free, forever):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_425/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_425_-_About_Those_Killswitched_Ukrainian_Tractors.mp3

And here’s the RSS for my podcast:

https://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[Image ID: A vintage John Deere tractor whose wheel hubs have been replaced with HAL 9000 eyes, matted over a background of the cyber-waterfall image from The Matrix.]

[fredalan]

"Greetings from Gilbert” on Cinemax.

"Greetings from Gilbert" on Vimeo.

{Shortly after we posted about our Gilbert Gottfried comedy special came the sad news that Gilbert has passed away.}

Cinemax presents “Greetings from Gilbert” aka “Gilbert Gottfried...Naturally”

Thanks to Barbara Kanowitz, Gilbert Gottfried, the comic's comic, became MTV's first comedy star. It might not have propelled him as far as Jim Turner as "Randy of the Redwoods" by John Payson or Dennis Leary's iconic spots from Ted Demme, then again MTV wasn't as big in 1986. But, it did get Gilbert his first TV special.

Fred/Alan started life as a production company for TV shows. We’d never made a show, but we wanted to. After our decision to leave MTV we partnered with producer Buzz Potamkin to come up with a show for the Playboy Channel. Things went south with them after the third episode and we left. The good news is that we got ourselves agents. That’s the ticket, they’ll help us sell our shows. 

Well, not really. The good news is they introduced us to Stu Smiley, another young’un who was trying to get things going. Eventually he became a comedy exec at Showtime, then at HBO, then he scored big. But in the meantime, we pitched him shows.

“Make it funnier!” he’d write on our scripts.

And then, one day, Stu gave us our big break. When we finally came up with the right talent, the right idea and the right director, Stu was there for us.

Fred Seibert: After ... ahem... interesting experiences creating a music video show for The Playboy Channel and producing the second Farm Aid concert for VH1, Cinemax's "Greetings for Gilbert" –our first real TV show production– put Fred/Alan, and our soon to be production partner Albie Hecht, on track.

The initial vision Alan and I had for the company was that we’d make TV shows. I was thinking about TV movies because we could own them. But Alan and I didn’t really have the heart for those, so comedies (and TV branding, to pay our bills) became our focus.

In 1986, MTV was in its first moment of maturing success (of course, I guess  your age would determine whether you’d agree), with all music videos all the time. The promotion department that I’d started was being run by the expansively creative Judy McGrath who'd put together an incredible team that continually found new ways to express the rebellious, outsider spirit that was rock’n’roll. and, it was in the 80s that comedians and rockers really sealed their alliance that had always been there, but really blossomed during this first national cable TV era.

Writer/producer/director Barbara Kanowitz was one of MTV’s best. And Barbara’s the one who made Gilbert Gottfried famous.

One day, seemingly out of nowhere, an obvious New Yorker, a comedian in a blue tuxedo jacket, burst onto the screen at MTV, in a dozen or so short films. They were hilarious, for sure. But, from my perspective, as the architect of MTV’s “branding” strategy –aka, how to make the “M” famous– Gilbert Gottfried’s riffs weren’t only hilarious, they were on message. The promos banged our branding “promises” into your head without seeming like they were actually messages.

And Barbara’s directing and editing... the spots were gorgeous.

Barbara Kanowitz: I don’t really remember much about the origination of the spots, Gilbert didn’t have much of a following at that point. I do remember his William Morris agent selling him pretty hard.

I did know that Gilbert would be wearing his infamous blue tuxedo jacket and thought that it would pop against the white cyc (or maybe the white cyc was all we had the budget for – honestly, I don’t remember). Each spot had a marketing message that Gilbert was to espouse on. I asked him to speak to each marketing point the same way in different angles and locations with a locked camera so that we could pop him around the frame in post. Of course, Gilbert never repeated anything more than once, he just went off on tangents – which of course was the beauty of him and those spots.

I worked with Gilbert recently and it was nice to see him, he’s still as funny as ever.

Fred: We saw those spots, and like everyone watching MTV we fell in love with Gilbert. Maybe this would get Fred/Alan into the TV specials business!

Our friend Stu Smiley was a top comedy at HBO/Cinemax, which was then the top TV comedy venue, and he'd had been generous to us in many ways, trying to help us get something going. Without Stu, who knows where we would have been?

Alan Goodman: I always remember all the stuff around the show.

I went to see Gilbert almost nightly in the month leading up to the taping, at Catch a Rising Star or The Improv, to become super familiar with his set and talk about what to use. I never in my life saw a comic blow so hot and so cold. The very first time we saw him was at Caroline's original club on 9th Avenue in the 20s I think. I remember we went with Tommy Schlamme and his wife, and she was gushing after it was over. From his "thank you.. thank you.. no stop! stop!" that started the show until he left the stage, the laughter never stopped for a second. Continuous, deafening laughter. Other times, there'd be crickets.

He got into the habit of coming to the office in the afternoon, and planting himself in my office until it was time to go out. He'd sit there all afternoon telling me jokes. Gilbert doesn't much tell jokes in his act, but he knows a trillion jokes and he would just go non-stop. One day he was telling me how much he dislikes Seinfeld, who was just another guy in the clubs back then. He started imitating Seinfeld, but without the jokes. "Did you ever wonder why a pencil has an eraser only on one end, and not the other? What's up with that?" Again, he wouldn't stop and his impression was spot on. That night at Catch, he couldn't get one laugh. Not one. It was a terrible crowd. Out of nowhere, unannounced and unexplained, he just started doing his joke-less Seinfeld. For me. Because he knew at least one person would be laughing.

When we had wrapped, he continued to come to the office for a few weeks, to sit in my room because he had nothing else to do all day. Eventually I had to tell him I had moved on to other projects. I remember he never stopped by without leaving with a couple of pens, a pad of paper, whatever he could carry out of there.

The reason behind the baby blue dinner jacket is that he had established something of a presence in the fabulous rants Barbara Kanowitz Small had developed with him for MTV. That was his wardrobe for those spots and we wanted to piggyback on the recognition.

I also remember a couple days before the shoot Tommy was very ill. There was some talk that I would have to direct. Thank goodness he recovered, because I would really have fucked this up.

I found a video tape of this show, credited to FRED/ALLEN Inc, on HBO Video in a bargain bin years later, paired on the same tape with his "Norman's Corner" produced by our pals Peter Rosenthal and Steve Oakes, written by an equally unknown Larry David. I have it still shrink-wrapped with the price sticker, $2.95.

This was also the show when I learned that, if the network tells you "We don't pay a lot of money for these comedy experiments, but we leave you alone, you don't get a lot of notes," it means you won't get much money, and you will still get a thousand notes.

I wonder what happened to the LP we made from the special that QMI Music  was going to release? Gilbert and I traveled down to Memphis together for the launch party of QMI, and as we were walking through the airport he looked around at the distinctively Southern Christian inhabitants. "Somewhere in this airport is a digital counter," he said, "and when you and I got off the plane it clicked up to three. When we go back to New York, it'll go back down to one." 

Albie Hecht: Wowser!  - (You know, Gilbert will probably ask us for additional payment!)

"Best set I never built!"

I walked into American Place Theatre and they had a Sam Shepard play which had an amazing Airstream trailer in a desert and I said I’ll take it!"  - made the deal to  keep it for our show.

"We're always working with first timers!"

Tommy  Schlamme who was an amazing film director had rarely done multi-camera shows so of course we chose him to direct since we knew he had great comedic timing and creative pov.  Which was true and made this show so successful but when we began shooting and he starting calling the cameras and called for camera 2 - there was dead silence in the truck  - and then the TD said "We're on 2 " - without a losing a beat Schlamme says " and stay on 2 -, its a beautiful shot " and for then on he was perfect.

"Working with the unpredictable!"

Gilbert was and is a unique and special talent.  When he walked out of the trailer at the top of the show and immediately went to his water pitcher and says "I’m having a glass of water," the audience broke into big laughs and we thought - we're home free - But then he kept repeating it "I’m having a glass of water " - After the third time, i looked at Alan in the truck and said "we're F-ed" - but Al was cool and said "wait for it" and after Gilbert repeating it another 3 times, the audience started roaring and that actually went on for 10 minutes.

Not all of it made the final cut but a big moment ( and learning moment ) !!! 

Alan: A story I have told many times is about our ACE Award for the special.

Yes, the Airstream was already there, and it's a small detail but we couldn't move it because we shot during a two-day hiatus of a play that was in theater. The play was coming back, and we were told we couldn't move it. Instead, we built around it. And thanks to the pre-existing Airstream (and some additional dressing by Bob and Jimmy), we got our first ACE Award... for set design!

Fred: “Greetings from Gilbert” was a eureka! moment for us. Alan, Albie and I started to think it was more than a dream. We actually had a future in this business! We started Chauncey Street Productions as our label for the shows we would go on to produce.

Ah, show business!

.....

For some reason the credits for “Greetings from Gilbert” didn’t make it into IMDB. (Yet. We’re fixing that now.) So, for history, here’s the team that got this thing done. Thanks all!

Cinemax presents “Greetings from Gilbert”

Starring Gilbert Gottfried Directed by Thomas Schlamme

Executive Producers: Alan Goodman & Fred Seibert Producer: Albie Hecht

Associate Producer: Jeffrey Alan Beer

Production design: Robert Small Lighting designer: Randy Nordstrom

Art director: David George for RSE Set supervisor: Jim Burns

Camera operators: Manny Gutierrez Juan Barrera John Feher Jim Scurti For The Camera Group

Technical director: John Fortenberry Assistant director: Jeffrey Alan Beer Stage manager: Juli Pari Production coordinator: Rie Koko Post production supervisor: M.B. Hagner

Audio: Randy Ezratty for Effanel Music Show open camera operator: John Hazard Show open audio: Larry Nelson

Make-up: Fran Kolar Wardrobe: Julie Anderson

Still photographer: Elena Seibert

Stagehands: Richie Tattersall Eddie Giffenkranz Chris Fedigan Michael Yoscary Alan Stieb

Videotape editor: John Fortenberry Graphic artist: Sharon Haskel

Audio post production: Ken Hahn/Sync Sound

Fred/Alan Production Manager: Steve Shepard Assistant to the producers: Daria McLean Jessica Wolf

Production assistants: Emily Wolfe Chris Stand Kew Yao Agyapon Hyra Goldberg Jeffrey Dinces

Production interns: Nick Avrameas Jeff Samet Maria Tecson Wendy Loeser Janet Gutyan

Video Remote Facilities: Rebo Associates Lighting Equipment: See-Factor Video post production: Broadway Video

American Place Theatre: Joanna Vedders Alfred Miller Bob Katz

House audio: Peggy Freitag Trailer design: Chris Barreca

Special Thanks: Lucy Aceto Wm. Morris Agency Scott Blakeman Billy McDonough IA Local One Caroline Hirsch Campbell McLaren Peggy Reed Michael Dugan Barbara Kanowitz Judith Mcgrath

Management: Ellis/Simone Management

Live Show Produced in Association with Caroline’s

A PRODUCTION OF FRED/ALAN INC. & SCHLAMME PROD. INC.

©1986, Gilbert Gottfried. All rights reserved.

A Cinemax Presentation

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales: Terror of the Terra-Firmians!  (Lena Retrospective) (Commission by WeirdKev27): Launchpad Looses his Last Brain Cell and I Loose My Patience

Welcome back Weblena Warriors to the second part of my look at everyone’s favorite Emo Teen Shadow Lesbian Duck... and probably the only one but hey, semantics, Shadow Into Light, which was made possible by viewers like you, the ultra humanite and a commission from WeirdKev27. Picking up where we left off, we have our first episode that has a different intended order than airing order. 

As most of you probably remember, but some of you who joined later might not be aware of the broadcast order for the first half of season one is, in the academic sense, pretty fucked. It’s not Darkwing Duck’s entirely fucked by a web of badger spiders and a queen snake on top to make it some sort of train situation, but by just sorta airing whatever episodes they wanted to, Disney messed with the character balance so Huey got less focus, not that he got a ton of focus this season but still, as well as leaning into the episodes focusing more on the kids with less involvement from the adults which gave the wrong impression about the series. While it IS very focused on the triplets and webby, the show isn’t entirely about them, but as Frank has mentioned a few times, Disney Channel apparently has this WEIRD thing where they assume kids won’t like stories starring the adult characters. 

Yeah I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while. Mostly how it’s so dumb I could swear Pauly Shore was an exec at Disney Channel. And he might be I don’t know what he’s doing these days and i’d like to keep it that way. For starters, the Scooge comics, while barely published in the US these days, are still popular globally and have appealed to kids and adults for generations and are mostly focused on him, with the kids in a supporting role and Ducktales, you know the thing your directly remaking here, was also mostly about him with the triplets supporting, if a bit less than the comics. Most of the Disney Afternoon was about adult characters, with any kids in side roles in the main cast. And it comes off entirely hypocritical of them to say this when the MCU is easily marvel’s biggest cash cow at the moment, and marvel properties have appealed to both kids and adults, like the duck comics, for decades. And if it’s because the marvel cartoons weren’t doing well , I’ll let you in on a little secret: Those didn’t do well because they looked bland and from what I’ve seen of them felt kind of bland, though I haven’t seen enough to fully judge. Kids LIKE adult characters as much as kid characters, and also like teen characters despite not being teens. Focusing on either is valid and while I LIKED Disney’s youth starring shows I also want another X-Men cartoon before I turn 50, and I bet kids would like that too, with the last one only failing because you bailed on it because you were throwing a hissy fit over fox having the movie rights, and do not get me started on that. Point is this argument is horse shit and should stay in the stables. 

So yeah I do think this episode came too soon and it’s placement effected it at the time and as such it dosen’t have the best rep with the fandom aside from the Lena bits and that includes me. The fact it was very early in the series and the characterizations hadn’t yet sunk in really hurt this episode in places but is it really that bad? Join me under the cut to find out

We open at the movies! Which scrooge apparently hasn’t been too since the 1930′s or seen any on video despite Della existing and being really stubborn. 

A rant for another episode. But the kids just got out of a Mole Monster movie, along with Lena, Beakly and Launchpad. Their reactions are as follows: Lena, Webby and Dewey really enjoyed it, Huey found it unrealistic... says the boy whose uncle fought a dragon made of gold a month or two back but we’ll get to that, and Louie was bored and felt it didn’t have enough of the ultra violence, kids these days it’s not about the gore it’s about the tension. And Beakly.. is just pissed Lena tricked them into seeing this and said it was educational. And the more I think about it the more this sounds like BEAKLYS fault than Lena’s. BEAKLY is the one who likely bought the tickets, who saw it was likely an r or pg-13 and who as we’ve seen HAS A PHONE, and ulnike scrooge probably isn’t so stingy she wouldn’t spring for a smart phone, so she could’ve just googled it, or whatever bird related pun is in this version.. gandered it.. yeah let’s go with that, gandered it, and SEEEN it wasn’t appropriate or walked htem out of the theater and ate the cost if she was that bothered by it. Sitting through a Horror Movie you didn’t research, didn’t pull the kids out of and dind’t bother to even check the poster for or use basic common sense is YOUR fault. And this could’ve worked fine, had Lena talk the kids into begging for it or had launchpad take them and have Beakly find out after, having driven to pick them up as she didn’t trust launchpad to take them home. Instead it makes the former super spy look REALLY stupid and feels really out of character for a SPY to not to do research. And it wasn’t like they decided on this later, Bentina being a spy was part of the character’s backstory from day one and its made clear as early as episode 2 in both airing orders. This is just lazy writing to justify the episode and I expect better from this crew. 

But an argument errupts between Huey and Webby over the Terra-Firmians, a hidden race of rock people living in Duckburg’s discontinued sewer system, allegedlys. So Lena suggest simply going down which gets a disapproving look from Beakly, despite you know this being their bread and butter, and the fact that if she had a problem with Scrooge not being involved.. she could just call him. Exploring fabled rock people is something he’d be into. I mean there’s a low profit margin but it also costs him almost nothing to walk to the theater or have launchpad swing around and pick him up. Just gas which given how much he pays for jet fuel isn’t a big ask. But Beakly soon gets distracted by Launchpad whose convinced the film is real and is attacking the poster a grim sign of things to come as while Beakly annoyed me in this one on rewatch, especially after realizing the above... Launchpad annoyed me both times and for VERY good reason we’ll get into. This provides a distraction and allows the trio to escape. Cue titles. 

After the title sequence, our heroes head deeper underground, there’s too much panic in this town... I mean props to Donald for trying something new but he really needs to rethink his cologne choices. Sex Panther is just.. not a good smell on.. anyone. 

So our heroes journey through the depths of the subway system, and we find out part of why Huey’s so skeptical, as he finds anything that isn’t in the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook to not exist, though the cracks in this already show as he’s added anything that does. We’ll get back to this later but as you can tell the basic dynamic for 24 minutes is Webby being a wholehearted True Believer and Huey being a Skeptical Sally. And Lena is just sorta “Eh gives me an excuse for shenanigans” about it. We also get a peak into webby’s mind as we see her notes .. which really just come off as Terra-Firmian fanfiction involving a war of succession between two sides, the terra’s and the firmies, something based on previous media, and also some doodles of a fictional candy called webby-dings and herself as a superhero, both things I want to see. 

But yeah the first third of the episode is pretty simple, just them journeying, the occasional shift in the firmament, and it’s not bad, and there are a few great bits: Huey nerds out about rocks, and finds them way more interesting than a possible rock monster.

Which leads to the best gag of the episode as when Huey tries to pick up a big sample Webby, annoyed at his hyperfixation on the JWG, asks him to ask his book for help.. which he does by reading it and actually manages to pick the large rock up. This is halted though when Lena screams.. though she really just did it to draw them to an abandoned subway car full of glomgold posters for glomgold products because of course a failed subway project has his name plastered over it. You can’t spell glomgold without failure.. the failure is silent. Glomgold is not. 

The fun is interuptted though by a livid Beakly who had realized they were missing in an earlier scene, after telling the Manager that McDuck Industries would pay for the poster.. and then found out Launchpad also destroyed the toilets “They come up thorugh the sewers!”. Launchpad that’s CHUDS, Ninja Turtles and Rats who raised Ninja Turtles like their own sons, mole people dig or use old mineshafts. It’s basic mole science. Also Beakly really shouldn’t sweat it, I just assumed the city has had a runnig bill witht he company for “McDuck Family and Employee Related Accidents, Mayhem and Shenanigans”. I mean he’s had Gyro on his payroll for at least a decade and a half by the series start, Gyro has leveled whole sections of city in an afternoon more than most giant monsters. Of which several have destroyed Duckburg. It got better. 

Point is she’s livid about them sneaking off with Lena pointing out their some sort of adventure family and Beakly.. saying she won’t see them again, or at least implying it hard. I’ll put a pin in this, as the train buckles and a bit of seismic, or rock men, activity means their stuck. So they divide into teams: Beakly will go try and unhook the train car from the busted cars so they can ride out, Launchpad will go try and fix it, and we get this lovely exxchange as a result

Launchpad: Cool never crashed a train before Beakly: Can’t you try driving it without crashing it? Launchpad: Wha? 

His face in that scene is priceless. He takes Dewey along. More on that in a second. Webby, Huey and Louie are told to stay put with Beakly only bringing Lena along because she dosen’t trust her. So since we have three split plots for a second... let’s split up gang, starting with the most aggrivating, middling with what you all came here for and why this is part of the retrsopective, and ending with the plot that directly heads into the final part of the episode. 

Launchpad and Dewey: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay starting with the most infamous plot and easily the worst part of this episode, probably the worst plot in any Ducktales 2017 episode. That’s not hyperbole it’s really that bad and really pissed people off, as fans of the original launchpad felt they made him overly stupid. This is where the airing order’s a problem as putting an episode with a subplot where one of your characters is obnoxiously dumb right up front means they assume this is his charcter and not just one poorly written chapter in a very dumb but very loveable characters life, likely because the writers hadn’t figured out how to properly scale his stupidity with comptience. 

So as a result we get a good 3-4 mintutes if not agonizingly more of Launchpad assuming something he saw in a fucking movie film was real. That.. that’s his actual plot. Need I remind you, he’s in his late 20′s early 30′s. He’s not much older than me. While other episodes have him as dim this one claims he CAN’T TELL FACT FROM FICTION. 

There are lines you have to keep with your characters to keep the audience from hating them. They crossed it about 80 times with this plot and make Launchpad into a gibbering dunderhead who can’t do anything right versus a regular dunderhead whose good at one or two things and loveable enough for us to like him and not care about his numerous safey violations and child endagerment charges. Thankfully this is the ONLY episode that gets this bad and they clearly learned from this, but it dosen’t make it any less of a tough sit. 

Dewey spends most of the subplot with a look on his face that just screams that he’s as done with this bullshit as we are, as Launchpad assumes he’s a mole person and brought along a pipe to presumibly bludgeon him, because wanting to cave his best friends skull in over stupidity is a GREAT look> Thankfuly he does not. And when the lights come back on Launchpad.. assumes he’s a monster because of bright light, GAH, and locks him out before they end up outside and the plto resolves itself by Dewey pointing out by Launchpad’s utterly baffling logic that he could be a mole monster, so Launchpad.. assumes he is. 

The subplot’s later buttoned up as he claims “I love being a mole monster”, again diffrent subteranian creature launchpad, she says he’s not and my suffering is thankfully at an end. This plot just sucks, it’s bad, overly stupid and dosen’t work with an adult character. Someone like say Ed from Ed, Edd N Eddy, or someone who belivies in weird conspiracy stuff like Dale Gribble or Stan Pines. with either of them this plot would’ve been fucking great. I could buy it from Dale and it just comes off as his normal paranoid weirdness. With Launchpad it comes off like he seriously needs help because the episode frames it as if he can’t tell ficton from reality, and his splotlight episode later would directly contridct this and make this episode even more aggrivating, as he’s a fan of Darkwing Duck, and KNOWS it’s acted out by an actor, so why wouldn’t he get this? It’s just....

It sucks, it sucks and I thankfully get to move on to a better subplot

Beakly and Lena: What You Are in the Dark

Beakly tells Lena she’ll never see Webby again after this.. then chastises her when she won’t help despite you know having just said she’s going to force their friendship apart, which Lena points out. She then gets mad at Lena making a sarcastic comment at her. Okay she’s lived with Louie for at least a week in airing order and a month or two in actual order. She has to be used to this by now. She’s insolent.. because you show her no respect, blame her for something that while sure she talked you into, you should’ve known better, and top it off by saying you want to keep her from the kids because they have bright futures and come from good familes and asks who rasied her and her face.. well.

Yeah wheras Launchpad and Huey, more on that in a second, were hurt by this being some of their earliest big roles, Bentina wasn’t.. until later when we found out just HOW bad Magica is to Lena and how much she dosen’t care about her other than as a tool to use. At this point we didn’t know just how much Lena was playing webby, how much she was only manipulating her, and even with her heroic act here we didn’t know if she only saw Webby as her way to break free. The next episode makes it clear she dosen’t and genuinely does care, 100%, so in hindsight it makes Bentina come off as ghoulsih for horribly asssuming about a girl she dosen’t know, and even if she did know about Magica wouldn’t know the full story, just like us, and then BERATING her after already saying she’s going to rip her away from Webby, which itself is PRETTY bad as she’s the only friend the girl has and sh’es doing so on... talking them into a horror movie, which as I outlined was more Bentina’s fault than Lena’s, and leading the kids into a dangerous place whicha gain, Lena pointed out is something she lets Scrooge do. And trust me i know that she actually knows Scrooge, and we later find out, as we’ll cover next month, that she isn’t ware HOW dangerous things are with Scrooge. It dosen’t change the fact she knows they do dangerous stuff to a point and that Lena may just be acting out. It also dosen’t change the fact she drove three children, yes including launchpad, down here with her instead of sending them home with Launchpad.. granted that option isn’t the safest but it’s safer than taking her with them thena cting like it’s ALL lena’s fault when three of the children, again including launchpad, are down there because of HER. Not Lena, HER. I’m harder on her because she’s older, wiser and was “raised properly” apparently. Though given the way she treats a random teen off the street she again knows nothing about and dind’t bother to ask... it begs the question. 

IT’s a good question. I could see the classism coming from being raised in 40′s and 50′s britain, judging by the timeline.. but even then she’s seen the world, and while her nature is supscious, the classit bullshit makes no sense after presumibly working with, and later spymastering for, various agents of various backgrounds. How has she not dropped this in decades. Scrooge very clearly dropped the racisim and homophobia of his time, so it still stands  on her for not dropping this. And Lena’s hurt shows under hte mask for the first time, that beneath the snark and secrecy.. is just an abused teenager with nowhere else to go and no way out being bullied by an older woman whose cutting off the only light at the end of the tunnel nto for good reason but out of classist, overprotective mallice.  My issues, which to be fair probably were intentional in the episode but sitll are a bit overblown, aside we do get an absoluttley tremendous moment later as a car falls on top of Beakly.. and Magica, speaking once more urges Lena to leave her, let her die and let their plans progress. And while that iself is.. dumb, what if someone finds her or her corpse later, especially since Scrooge would likely perosnally want to retrive the body to give her a proper burial as she’s his only friend at this point, or the rest of the family questoin the story?, it fits Magica’s lack of foresight we see throughout the season. But Lena... saves her. While she later gives an explination, and a valid one at that, it’s clear from her expressoin, her actoins and how she does it... that this is her. Part of it is defiance, as she glares at Magica before doing it, her own stubborn nature mixed with her hatred of her “aunt”, meaning Magica just made it all too easy for her to do this. But the real reason is clear: It’s the right thing to do. While pissing off her aunt and getting away with it is the cherry on top.. the real reason is that unlike Magica.. Lena is not a killer, not a monster, and not a heartless vacum ofa person. Even if she doesn’t like Beakly, for good reason.. she can’t, she WON’T leave her to die and leave Webby an orphan again. She loves Webby too much to do that to her and while she may deny it.. she’s too good a person to leave someone to die for something so petty. Even if she never sees webby again and the plans ruined. It’s better than the weight of knowing she let someone who wasn’t trying to harm her and whose actions, while terrible, were out of misguided protection of her granddaughter, die like this. She saves her. And as we’ll see it pays off.. but before that. 

Huey, Webby and Louie: Into the Unknown This plot’s a bit shorter, as Webby and Huey continue their argument, with Louie eventually making it clear, and not even hiding it when directly asked by Huey, that he’s playing both sides with a delighted expression on his face as the movie was boring but this, this is interesting. Which it is. But it’s interupted by dings on the roof and while Huey assumes i’ts just a regular rock, it moves while their not lookiung.. and soon red eyed, horrifying beasts look out at them and the kids flee back to the car. This dosen’t pan out as the car starts to shake and is clearly going to collapse.. and while Webby and Louie are prepared to flee, rock monsters or no, Huey, in an utterly heart shattering image.. stays in place, terrified of moving. 

This is where this plot goes from mildly aggrivating, as Huey’s Skeptic shenanigans can get on the nerves.. to BRILLIANT. See at the time this was more annoying because it was assumed the skepticsim would be a part of Huey’s character and we’d get more episodes of him being annoying only to be proven wrong, as he semeingly dosen’t learn his lesson at this point, looging the terrafrimians in the guide book. But on rewatch.. this plot is amazing.  For starters the plot subtly introduced the defening characteristic of Huey’s personality, one that’s become more prounounced in Season 3: His need for Order. He needs things to make sense: He solves stuff because he likes there to be order in the world and something he can understand, he can put in a box in his head. Like a lot of neurotypical people, myself included, he struggles horribly when the clearly defined boxes of his life and things he undestand have wrinkles or complexities he can’t get. I for instnace easily got it when I was introduced to the concept of trans people or being non binary.. they just make sense in hindsight: given how our brains are messya nd complicated it makes sense some people would be born in the wrong ones, and tht with all the science and medicine we have to correct that, should be allowed to transition if they so choose. It makes equal sense that some people just don’t have a gender or are gender fluid, being both or neither. Despite struggling with non binary prounouns due to force of habit.. I get the concept with no real difficulty. But when it comes to accepting I don’t have to apologize for everything and that everyone is not angry or that anger is natural and people sometimes get mad and you can’t and shouldnt’ fix it.. it’s something I STRUGGLE with even knowing it’s not right, because my brain is just wired that way. 

That’s how Huey’s struggle comes off here.. he reveals he’s willing to stay and die.. because he’s SO scared of the unknown, that the idea of dying from something he at least knows what it is versus something he dosen’t.., so paralizyed by his own brain he can’t figure out the obvious.. it takes Webby reaching out to him figuratively and literally, to show him that sometimes you have to face the unknown. The unknown is fucking terrifying.. but it can be good and it’s better than sitting there, scared and unable to move. You have to try, to grow and take that risk that things may not go well to really LIVE. 

So he does.. and they reunite with the rest of the group.. and soon find the terrafirmains.. who as it turns out once we get some light on them... are actually just goofy looking,  brightly colored, each one matching one of the kids, kids themselves, and Huey reaches out and touches one, which by ET logic means their friends now, and the terrafirmians help them get out. And this lesson sticks. While sure Huey catalogues it and it seems it didn’t.. he’s never this skeptical again. This douchey skepticsim was only for one episode, his fear of the uknown replcaed with boundless curosity and from here on he’s CURIOUS about new stuff as long as it’s not trying to kill him. He loves taking in new experinces, maybe not to webby levels but he does actually try them and study them instead of just fearing them. 

Before we wrap things up, obviously we need to talk about the JWG not having entries on a lot of stuff. This would be corrected next season as it returns to being a big book of everything, but dosen’t completely contridct this as Timephoon! shows there’s stillcgaps.. which i’m fine with. While it knowing EVERYTHING was fine for the original series here, with things being slightly more groudned, it’d just be an obvious plothole if Huey didn’t use it every single time they ran into something and that’d get boring. Instead it’s simply that it dosen’t know everything, and really in the comics at times it didn’t and the triplets found out new things. It knew almost everything mind you, but having some gaps for dramatic tnesion is fine with me and Seasons 2 and 3 decided on that instead of just having it being a scouting manual which wa sfor the best. And even by later in the season hit has guides to getting a small buisness loan, so they already course corrected. 

So everything’s wrapped up and while Magica berates Lena for disobeying her.. Beakly interputps, thankfully not seeing magica and admits she was wrong and invites Lena for pancakes, even taking a crack about if their actually pancakes or english muffins with syrup, which sounds like my own living hell, in stride, having clearly grown. And Lena explains to Magica that this was the better approach: now she’s got the in theyw anted, and is above suspcison for now. Still not so much that an obvious act won’t be detected but enough that she dosen’t ahve to work actively around her anymore. Magica scoffs.. and while part of it is probably rage.. part of it is deep down both of them know she did it out of defiance.. and only Lena knows that she did it for the right reasons... she just dosen’t get why. She probably justifies it as playing the long game.. but deep down she knows something’s changing about her.. and she’s not sure if that’s a godo thing or not. 

Final Thoughts: This episode is as you can tell a mixed bag. It’s 2/3 of a good episode, with the Lena plot, my issues aside, being excellent and the Terra-Firmian plot likewise fun, even if Huey can get grating the payoff is worth it, and the jokes are really high quality. It’s just bogged down by that fucking launchpad plot that just crushed my soul in it’s palms every time it came back. I went on at length why i hated that one but boy oh boy was the hate of that subplot warranted and I stand by calling it the worst plot of the series. It is: it’s not funny, it makes no goddamn sense, and it drags down what’s otherwise a pretty solid epsiode.

Next Time on Lena: Jaws the shark, lurking in the dark, in the depths of the bin one day of a lark decides to get rowdy, get real violent takes a vacay out to Duckburg er.. Island.. also Scrooge faces his greatest Nemesis.. a PR Tour to clean up his image after an unfortunate giant Beanstalk Incident. Be there and be hip to be square. 

Next Time on This Blog: I Tackle a DCOM for the first time for another commissioned review as we take a look at racisim, specifically Apartheid and breaking indoctrination, with The Color of Friendship. See you next Rainbow. 

[ri-ahhh]

Ooooh but like what if it's gray getting jealous and a teeny but insecure too when MJ mentions some of her work mates and other close guy friends w whom she hangs out and drinks and parties yk?And when he finally meets them he might not be able to get some inside jokes or be pissy on how touchy one of her guy bffs is?!And just goes like"baby am I too young for you?"🥺maybe some cute fluff and hot makeup sex?? ;p Sorry if this too much or straight up lame It's cool if you don't wanna concept this

Ok, first of all, I love this. Second, this is my first MJ concept and I’m soft af🥺

If there’s one personality trait Grayson Dolan wouldn't normally attribute to himself, it’s that of being easily jealous. Why would he be? His life, despite it’s occasional heavy downs, is relatively picturesque in the grand scheme of things. He’s got a loving family, an amazing career, a beautiful girlfriend, and he’s narcissistic enough to proudly say he’s a good-looking dude.

But the little green monster first starts to stir in chest when said beautiful girlfriend lays back on his chest one morning, scrolling through Instagram while the two of them laze in bed. MJ is looking through the pictures she had been tagged in at a company dinner the night before, double-tapping her phone screen occasionally and diverting his attention away from his own phone when she does.

“Who’s that?” he asks, trying to sound as casual as possible as he eyes a certain picture with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Hm?” MJ had already scrolled down to the next photo, but she goes back to the one in question. Grayson points to the guy standing next to her. “Oh. That’s Jesse. He’s one of my teammates.”

Grayson doesn't respond right away, his gaze focused on the way the attractive young man has his arm wrapped tightly around MJ’s waist in the group photo. MJ is leaning away from him, but it still gives him a bad vibe — not from her, but from him.

“He looks friendly.”

MJ glances up at him and slaps the other side of his bare chest with the back of her hand jokingly. “Relax, we all had to squeeze in to get the picture. He’s just a colleague.”

“Yeah, to you,” Grayson mumbles. He tosses down his phone and turns on his side so he can throw his arm over her middle, nuzzling into her hair.

MJ smiles and scratches her nails up and down his sculpted arm, his warm breath tickling her ear. He’s not really the possessive type, too confident in himself and trustworthy in her for this to have ever been an issue in their relationship, but her work world is one entirely separate from him. She doesn’t think it’s too irrational for him to be suspicious, especially since she can admit feeling a little iffy about the way Jesse had so easily sidled up to her for that photo.

She shifts her head on the pillow so she’s facing him, kissing his lips softly but soundly. It’s an unspoken reassurance between them, and they both let the topic go.

A few days later, they’re in the kitchen together, a pass only she is allowed while Grayson cooks. MJ sits on the island, her feet dangling over the cabinets as Grayson stirs the vegetables he’s sautéing on the stove, when her phone buzzes on the marble countertop beside her. She picks it up and chuckles, her manicured fingers typing away.

“What’s so funny?” Grayson asks nosily.

MJ hits ‘send’ in the text response she wrote. “Jesse sent a stupid meme that reminded him of this super difficult exec we have to deal with for one of our clients.” She holds up her phone so Grayson can see it, but without the further context he doesn’t really see the humor in it. It causes a weird sensation to bubble in his stomach, one he can’t quite place, but it definitely makes him give the veggies an extra vigorous stir that has some of them flying out of the pan on accident.

He draws the line on this guy in his head when MJ sends him a text the next afternoon while he’s in a Wakeheart meeting downtown, just a few blocks from her office.

ugh baby i’m so sorry i have to cancel our lunch date :/ jesse wants to keep working on this report we have due this afternoon and i’ll look like a dick if i leave.

Grayson huffs and feels the back of his neck flush with anger. Why is Jesse controlling whether or not she can take her lunch break? She has a habit of skipping it to begin with, which Grayson can’t stand and actively tries to make sure she doesn’t do, so his irritation with this dude is through the roof now. His mind can’t help but wander to the possibility that maybe Jesse is doing it on purpose; he knows for a fact all of her coworkers know about him, so who’s to say he’s not trying to keep her to himself today? Before he can type out a heated response, however, MJ double-texts.

i promise I’ll make it up to you tonight. whatever you want, on me. literally and figuratively ;)

She knows him too well, can probably sense his frustration a few streets away. Grayson sighs, but his mouth lifts in a little smile, because he loves her and he’s low-key looking forward to that promise now.

Alright. I’ll be thinking about that to get me through this meeting. Pls eat tho baby, it makes me worry when you don’t.

me too lol. and gonna order some kreation now, don’t worry. ily

She punctuates her message with a few heart emojis, and Grayson returns the sentiment before pocketing his phone once more. His mind is far from the financial projections he’s supposed to be paying attention to, but luckily this is much more Ethan’s territory in the business than his, anyways.

Friday, he and MJ are cuddling on the couch watching a movie when out of nowhere she gasps a little and sits up from where she’s leaning on him. “Oh, I almost forgot to ask. You and E doing anything tomorrow?”

Grayson chuckles and shakes his head, amused by the suddenness of her question. He pushes a lock of her hair, damp from their shared shower, behind her ear. “Not that I know of, other than we might go to the skatepark.”

MJ grins. “Well, my boss is making us do our monthly team-building workshop at a climbing gym, if you want to tag along. I don’t think you’ll be able to join us during the middle of it, obviously, but afterwards it would give you the chance to meet some of the people I work with, if you want.”

He considers it. He hasn’t been climbing in a while, and he’s actually been itching to get back into it. Not to mention, it’ll give him a chance to keep an eye on Jesse while he’s around MJ in the skin-tight lycra she wears to work out in.

“Yeah, I’m down. I’ll ask E if he wants to come, too.”

The next day, the three of them roll up to the gym in Ethan’s Tesla. Grayson wastes no time in taking MJ’s hand in his as they walk through the parking lot, just in case a certain set of eyes are watching. MJ squeezes his fingers reassuringly; she’s not dumb, not impervious to the fact that when he kisses her goodbye once they step inside and before they go their separate ways that he had caught a glimpse of the man from the picture that put his guard up to begin with.

When he pulls back but makes no move to join Ethan on the other side of the gym, MJ shakes her head with a grin and cups his cheek softly.

“No need to stake your claim, Neanderthal,” she says.

He looks down at her with a pout that makes her heart and her panties melt. His wide hands plant themselves on her hips and tug her a little closer to him, anyways. “Am I being obvious?” he asks.

“Only to me,” she winks, rising on her toes to give him one more chaste kiss. “Now go with E, before Chanel gets here and I have to reverse the roles.”

Grayson laughs but does as he’s told, giving her waist a gentle squeeze before they part ways. MJ’s company had rented half of the gym, which was roped off for them. He chooses the open wall closest to the one they're using, eager to keep his girlfriend as nearby as possible for the couple of hours they would be separated.

As he sits on a bench and slips on his climbing shoes, Grayson can’t help but search out where Jesse is. He’s easy to spot, that’s for sure. Not only is he already next to MJ, chatting animatedly while she smiles and nods politely in return, but he stands out with his curly mop of hair, caramel-colored skin, and pale blue eyes. Maybe his attractiveness is part of the reason Grayson is somewhat intimidated by his obvious interest in MJ, but he’s also part of her everyday life, one he knows nothing about other than what she shares with him.

It’s never been something that bothers him, because it’s healthy to have a life outside of a relationship, but he’s always dated — hooked up, whatever you want to call it — in his industry. There was always a mutual understanding of what work and life in general entailed with those flings, and it’s taken Jesse for him to suddenly realize he doesn’t have the experience or the knowledge of how to handle his feelings with that not being the case with MJ. It makes him feel out of control, not good enough somehow.

Grayson Dolan does not like to be out of control and he most certainly does not like being below his own standards.

“Who’s that?”

Grayson is brought out of his daze by his brother’s voice and the hand he had clapped to his shoulder. If he were able to laugh at himself in this moment, he might have found Ethan’s question funny, since it was exactly what he’d said when he first saw Jesse, too. Ethan’s gaze is fixed on MJ and the man in question, who had placed his hand on her elbow as he talked only for MJ to duck down to ‘tie her shoe.’

“Jesse,” is all he says, standing up to buckle his chalk belt around his waist.

“Oh,” Ethan replies, nodding his head a little. “Do we like him?”

“Nope.”

“Cool.”

Ethan becomes another set of eyes for Grayson while they climb, giving him nudges or a little whistle every time he catches Jesse standing a little too close to MJ, or finding a reason to touch her, or to ‘help’ her as she climbs up the wall. Grayson glowers over every time, trying his best but probably failing to not to come off as the jealous boyfriend. Every once in a while MJ will catch his eyes, giving him a quick wave or a thumbs-up with a pretty smile just for him. It makes his heart settle some, only for his chest to tighten again when Jesse starts cheering for her a little too loud.

The two hours pass by a little faster as he settles into the rhythm of climbing, trying to put her touchy coworker in the back of his mind. He trusts MJ with everything in him, but he knows how men can be — ignorant either by choice or by idiocy to a woman’s obvious signals of disinterest.

“Gray!”

He’s just reached the top of the wall when his girlfriend’s voice cuts clear through the loud chatter around them. He looks down and sees her on the mat, hair pulled back in a cute high ponytail, freckled cheeks flushed from the exertion of the day, as she waves him down with that same bright smile.

He grins, excited to have her to himself once again. “One sec!”

Once he’s made it back down the wall, he greets her with a kiss. She’s tied her jacket around her waist, leaving her top half covered only by a pretty green sports bra that happens to be both his favorite color and one that makes her eyes pop beautifully.

“I like this,” he says suggestively, hooking his finger in one of the straps and tugging gently.

MJ rolls her eyes and reaches up to adjust the center of the Wakeheart cap he’s got backwards over his hair. “Come on. You can meet the idiots I have to put up with every day.”

She leads him to the group, who are all standing around chatting, gulping down water, gathering keys and such as they prepare to leave. He gets introduced to them a couple at a time. Some of them he recognizes by name, such as Valentina and Jude (both of whom MJ actually likes and considers friends), MJ’s intern Alessia, and Chanel, of course, who bats her eyes so obnoxiously it’s almost comical.

And then there’s Jesse, who’s immediately sizing Grayson up with those striking eyes as soon as they approach him standing in the corner on his phone. Grayson doesn’t back down in the slightest, a smirk fixing itself on his lips when MJ leans into him and wraps her arm around his back. He drapes his own over her shoulders, pulling her that much closer to him.

“Hey Jess. This is the famous boyfriend I’ve told you all about,” she introduces, patting a hand on his hard stomach and smiling up at him for a moment.

Grayson lets go of MJ long enough to extend his hand. “Grayson.”

Jesse accepts and shakes his hand politely. “Jesse. MJ and I are teammates.”

“So I’ve heard,” he says, keeping a tight smile on his face as Jesse continues to square up to him, like Grayson has posed some kind of challenge.

Jesse nods, a grin of his own popping up as he gets the idea that MJ has maybe talked about him before. Grayson wants to roll his eyes, but he stays trying to be the bigger person here.

“So what do you do, Grayson?” Jesse asks.

Another hot flash overcomes him. He’s heard the question often enough to know there are two ways people ask it: innocently and genuinely; or knowingly and almost maliciously, like Jesse is now, waiting for him to say the ‘i’ word and berate him for it passive-aggressively.

MJ tightens her arm around him some, and it calms him down enough to answer with an even tone. “I do social media.”

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg, though,” MJ steps in for him with a grin. “He and his brother have a whole production team under them. And they're CEO’s and part-owners of a fragrance company, Wakeheart. I think I’ve told you, whenever you compliment my perfume, that it’s Grayson’s, right?”

She’s incredible, really. Grayson smiles and shows off the diamonds in his teeth, which glint in the harsh artificial light. “Well, Jesse, if you like MJ’s perfume so much, I’d be glad to send you our whole collection. Maybe you’ll find one that’s right for you.”

He can see Jesse’s resolve start to waver, especially when MJ stands on her toes to kiss Grayson’s stubbled cheek. “Very generous, huh Jesse?”

Jesse clears his throat and digs his keys out of his pocket tellingly. “Ah, yeah. Thanks, man, good to meet you. See you Monday, MJ.”

He brushes past the couple without another glance, and he at least has the decency to blush a little from embarrassment. MJ turns and wraps her arms around Grayson’s middle, staring up at him with big green eyes that sparkle with amusement.

“Do you think he got the picture that I’m completely, totally, head over heels in love with you?” she asks, swaying slightly as he wraps his arms around her as well. “And that he has no chance in this universe whatsoever?”

“I don’t know, I feel like you could’ve laid it on a little thicker. Hyped me up a bit more,” Grayson jokes, dipping down to brush her lips with his. A blonde statue glares at the pair of them when he pulls back and glances over MJ’s head. “Chanel is staring daggers at us. Should we make out right here so she can see how I feel the same about you?”

MJ giggles and shakes her head. “Unfortunately, nothing will faze that bitch.” She nuzzles his nose with hers affectionately, the chaste display a perfect disguise for the dirty whispers that comes out of her mouth next. “Mm, my CEO boyfriend can take me home, though, and fuck me nice and hard in the shower.”

Grayson’s eyes turn a shade darker, and he bites his plump lower lip. He wants to slip his hands down to her ass, but he’s also very aware of how public they are right now. “If we even make it to the shower,” he murmurs.

MJ scrunches her nose and raises her brow in a look of mild disgust. “Gray, if you think I’m sucking your dick after it’s been in a cup for nearly three hours, without you taking a shower, you better think again. I don’t think even Chanel is down for that.”

Grayson lets out a belly laugh and releases her, taking her by the hand instead to go find Ethan. “Noted, baby. Noted.”

[lackofhonor]

lackofhonor’s List and Recs

This is a list where I keep the bits and bobs I’ve written. Just drabbles and thoughts mainly. 

Duck Hunting - One shot with Steve Murphy and Javier Peña bonding. Set after Narcos and inspired by the scene. You know, the one with the pigeons flying away from La Catedral? Escobar has been caught but Javi hasn’t moved on from the events in Columbia. Boyd invites his friend and former partner for some R&R near his hometown. The following events ensue.

Garbage Can - Drabble.  Triple Frontier guys on a trip together a year after the events of the movie. Frankie Morales centric. Indulgent mishmash at the moment.

Housesitting - Drabble. Frankie Morales centric. Sorta funny. Indulgent mishmash. 

Distillery Tour - Drabble. Agent Whiskey centric. Indulgent mishmash. It’s Derby week and Kentucky trots out its best for all the visitors. Jack is a senior Statesman Agent, but also a senior Sales Exec. So who else would Champ drag along to this boring schmooze the Governor was hosting to encourage investment in Kentucky businesses, but him? 

RECCOMENDATIONS

These are fics I return to again and again. I adore them and I hope you do too! This list is by no means finished and I am adding as I can find good links.

The Mandalorian/The Book of Boba Fet

Stay Safe by @concussed-to-pieces - Din x Reader

Of Gorgons and Gardens @concussed-to-pieces - Din x OC x Ezra (Prospect 2018, Pedro Pascal) "Your Mandalorian employer accepts a bounty for a new target."

Midnight Special by @maybege - Boba Fett x Reader "After an exciting fling in a bar, you and Boba enter a secret relationship that mostly takes place in motels where you pay for the hour. But when your friend invites you to her family's BBQ, you meet under drastically different circumstances."

Saviin'ika by @stubbychaos - Paz Vizsla x OC "The mandalorian had come to the clinic and she was determined that she would help him. He ended up helping her endure by giving her hope."

Asterism by @plexflexico - Pax Vizsla x OC "He had been a semi-regular customer for the last cycle or so, coming in every few days. A Mandalorian, huge and heavily armored in blue. At first it was just for a drink, taken through a drinking tube pushed up under his helmet. After a few months, likely after he learned more about you through the grapevine that seeds gossip in any town like yours, he started paying you for information along with his fiery beverages..."

The Diva and her Bodyguard by @primarybufferpanel - Paz Vizsla x OC "Diva Loysia, an interplanatary-famous dancer who is failing at the retiring thing, gets a Mandalorian bodyguard. Paz gets a job. It has some excellent benefits."

Rough Day by guardianangelcas - Din x OC "Who knew that agreeing to babysit a bounty hunter’s weird, green little child would be so full of surprises."

Clone Wars/The Bad Batch

Coriolis Effect by @uponrightful - Crosshair x OC "Crosshair is a master at his craft. A marksman of impossible finesse, who can account for any complication should one arise. After all, a sniper has to make one shot count. But even the most renowned sniper of the GAR can't account for everything. That just happens to be the Weapons Director stationed in Kamino."

Welcome Company by @uponrightful - Commander Wolffe x OC "Commander Wolffe experiences something he won't ever forget about."

Dinner by Cowardice - Commander Fox x Reader "Commander Fox needed caf. You worked part time as a barista. Somehow, you both ended up on your couch that evening."

Gar Cabur by @wanderinginksplot - Alpha-17 x OC "You were assigned to do some administrative tasks on Kamino, writing a full series of reports about this clone army. No one warned you that the young cadets would be so friendly... or so flirty. Alpha-17 takes pity on you and helps you scare the troopers away."

Sanguine by Glimmerglanger - Commander Cody x Obi Wan Kenobi "A canon AU with vampire Obi-Wan Kenobi detailing the events of the Clone Wars. Everyone said synth was just like real blood. The Healers in the Temple had said so from the time Obi-Wan became aware that his dietary requirements did not align with those of his crèchemates. That realization had coincided neatly with an awareness of the fact that, perhaps, his crèchemates met his dietary requirements."

From What We Cannot Hold by theboldsnake - Jango Fett x Reader "Having been born and raised a slave on Tatooine, you’ve come to accept the hand life has dealt you. Until a series of unfortunate events has you joining the mysterious Jango Fett to take on a job you never expected to have. Now, you’ve got a whole new job and a stoic bounty hunter who’s come to mean a lot more to you that you’re willing to let on."

Meticulous, Compulsive, Perfect by brindletygr - Dogma "He didn't want to be Dogma anymore."

Jaded by RubyStiff89 - Crosshair X Reader - "This started as a one-shot between everyone's favorite war criminal and a nurse who matches him pound-for-pound but has since become MASH in Space with a good dosage of angst given where it happens in the timeline"

Written In Ink by RubyStiff89 - Tech x Reader - "A Tech/Reader fic in which Reader is a Journalist for the Coruscant Free Post but has a sketchy history as she is originally from Raxus. Tech is an avid reader of her work as she speaks out against corrupt senators. Reader is sent on a secret mission Padme Amidala where she meets Tech and the ultimate long burn ensues because I cant imagine my characters touching hands before 50k words or kissing before 100k. Fic is set just before Umbara and ends after Order 66."

Translation Error by @cyber-nya - Commander Wolffe x Reader "Commander Wolffe doesn’t do well with protocol droids or relief efforts. He’d rather be out on the front line, fighting the war. Instead, he’s stuck delivering supplies to outer-rim planets who have requested the help of the Republic. General Plo Koon says they’re orders, says that it’s a necessary part of war. Wolffe knows this, but it also means he’s stuck working with a blasted protocol droid... until you show up."

Fate's Twisted Humor by allisgalaxy - Commander Wolffe x Reader "You owe a debt to Jedi Master, Plo Koon, yet you never thought the Jedi would actually call in your favor. At this point in your life, while you're in the midst of taking down an evil man from your past while learning how to control your terrible ability, this call from Master Plo is not appreciated. What's even worse than being taken from your sanctuary and forced into the midst of a war is the domineering, arrogant commander you're forced to work with. Sometimes the cruel gods of fate despise you."

Fox and Mouse by @detroitbydark - Commander Fox x OC "Secretary!reader finds herself wanting to help her Commander. It’s her job. It certainly is not because she’s got a foolish crush. The Commander certainly doesn’t feel the same…"

Tell Me That Your Soul Lies Now by @detroitbydark - Scorch X OC X Sev "A surprise acquisition leads to questions in Kyrimorut. Sev, Scorch, and Wal'buir are left to question the meaning of family, loyalty, and love."

Infinite Errors by @detroitbydark - Crosshair X OC "A series of pieces focusing on the things we say and the things we don't -or- Crosshair doesn't see it coming until it's too late."

Listen Real Closely by @priortoallthoughts - Delta Squad x OC "Delta squad was tasked with destroying the anti-aircraft bunker during the first battle of Geonosis. Mission parameters change slightly when they find a woman and have to get her out alive so they can discover why she was there in the first place. They can do it, but what will it mean for them in the long run?"

Don't Mess with the Commander's Caf by @priortoallthoughts - Commander Fox x Reader "What is supposed to be a night out at 79s turns into a night in the drunk tank, and the morning starts a startling new relationship with a certain Coruscant Guard Commander. All over a cup of caf."

Pedro Pascal Characters Misc

With Cherries On Top by @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa - Max Phillips (Bloodsucking Bastards) x Reader "After countless late nights and giving up important things in your life for a job and a man that refuses to promote you, your family begs you to quit when you break it to them that you have to miss your grandmother’s 85th birthday. Max Phillips may have left the country an American citizen but he came back an undead vampire, meaning his status in the States is no longer valid. In order to not get deported to Romania, he tells immigration that the two of you are getting married and he strikes a deal to make it worth your while."

Late July by @concussed-to-pieces - Agent Whiskey (Kingsman: The Golden Circle) x Reader "Upon hearing about you from Tequila, Jack Daniels seeks you out with a full set of emotional baggage to work through. You happily oblige, helping him craft a scene that just might grant him some peace of mind."

Waxing Gibbous by @chews-erotically - Ezra (Prospect 2018)xReader "You are a nurse on the Green moon contracted to care for a group of prospectors. An act of violence forces you to flee your camp. Ezra finds you."

They Were Roommates by @f0rever15elf - Pero Tovar (The Great Wall) x Reader "A dangerous night leads to an interesting living arrangement between you and one grumpy Spaniard."

I Couldn't Do This With Anybody Else by @longitud-de-onda - Frankie "Catfish" Morales (Triple Frontier) "Reader, dealing with the lasting effects of her family's abuse, has a panic attack while dealing with some other issues and building a shed, and Frankie comes to help."

Force Majure by @plexflexico - Frankie "Catfish" Morales (Triple Frontier)X OC Paz Vizsla (The Mandalorian) X Agent Whiskey (Kingsman: The Golden Circle) x Ezra (Prospect 2018) "force ma·jeure /ˌfôrs mäˈZHər/ Definition: An irresistible compulsion or greater force."

To Tell You The Truth by @concussed-to-pieces - Ezra (Prospect 2018) x Reader "Our story begins in the Green, after a certain meeting that culminates in an explosive Truxican standoff..."

[bythebigcoolingtower]

Eye on Springfield - An Interview with Raymie Muzquiz

Since working on eighteen episodes of seasons two and three of the Simpsons, Raymie Muzquiz has enjoyed a strong, thirty plus years career in the animation industry, including directing eight episodes of Futurama’s second run. Here, Raymie talks about his spell on both shows, his other projects and the industry itself.

Let’s start at the start, how did you get into animation and end up at Klasky-Csupo?

In 1988-89, I was working for a movie trailer company. I was a production assistant and then a post coordinator for about 2 years. I learned a lot about film post production and worked on a flatbed editor, dubbing machines, etc. (all pre-digital). However, it was nonetheless a miserable, unartistic, poorly-paying job that laid bare all those awful “Swimming With Sharks”, fear-and-loathing tropes of the movie business. My boss was a horror. He’d yell at me about the dressing in his salad, or the variety of bread on the sandwich. I was his presumed personal assistant to deride. Yet he would shamelessly “lick the boots” of celebs and execs higher up the food chain. To this day, I cannot watch movie trailers. On the rare trip to a theater, I sit in the lobby and have my wife text me when the feature starts.

During this awful period I would look daily through the trades for another job. One day in the Hollywood Reporter there was an ad that included a picture of Marge (I think). Klasky-Csupo (just blocks from my apartment!) was looking to staff for Season 2 of The Simpsons. Since I storyboarded all my student films and some action sequences in live-action low-budget features at Roger Corman’s Concorde/New Horizons in the late 80’s. I applied for a storyboard position. What happened next gave me whiplash. I was given a test. Hours after turning the in the test I hired as a staff storyboard artist to start two weeks hence and immediately given a freelance assignment.  

How did I get this plum position with zero experience? This requires some context. The Simpsons was an unexpected TV-animation phoenix rising from the ashes of a poverty-row industry. It is little exaggeration to say that the TV animation talent pool (as opposed to feature animation) consisted largely of old, alcoholic and broken-spirited artists doing Saturday-morning hack-work, subsuming their talent to low budgets and low cel counts. The necessary talent were simply nonexistent for this new, hip renaissance. The doors opened to the young, the students and the inexperienced like me; someone who didn’t go to art school nor drew for a living. It was a singular event for me. I was ignorant that there was even a difference between animation and live action storyboards. I was even naive about my drawing ability. Imagine my reaction when I saw trained artists draw in a professional environment. It blew my mind! My only saving grace was that as a live-action film graduate, I knew film language. I could stage without “crossing the line”. Scenes “cut” together and “hooked up” and I was staging in depth rather than in the traditional “proscenium” cartoon style. My acting was restrained, not broad or cartoony.

I did my first storyboard freelance while still at the trailer company. It was for Jim Reardon; his first directing assignment: Itchy & Scratchy & Marge in 1989.

Can you explain the work you did on the Simpsons?

Everybody probably knows what storyboarding is, so I’ll keep it short. It’s the visualisation of the script/story. It’s TV animation’s biggest step from script to screen. You are staging the characters in space and acting them out and breaking it up into separate scenes that informs the entire rest of the process. Design, layout, key posing, action and timing build off the storyboard.

When you were assigned to work on the show what were your thoughts? It was a phenomenon by that point.

The first season’s episodes of the Simpsons were being re-runned to death. I remember doubting if they’d successfully make more before the buzz died off. When I was hired I couldn’t believe my luck. The Simpsons was THE hip show of the moment. To actually be a creative team member on something fresh and original AND get paid more than beggar’s wages was like winning the lottery.

How closely did you work with the directors and writers, what kind of notes and feedback did you receive?

When I arrived for my first meeting, Mark Kirkland and Jim Reardon were crowded in a small room with folding tables, right off of reception. I believe they were both directing for the first time. Although I was already hired to work in-house, I had to give two weeks to my current, satanic employer, so I was assigned work as a freelancer. It was to board an act of Itchy & Scratchy & Marge by its director, Jim Reardon. Little did I know what I was getting into.

I never had to draw so much in my life! My drawing hand (left) was killing me in those early months. I had to develop a callous on the middle finger. They gave me the “radio-play;” an audio cassette of the recorded dialog to draw to and tons of model sheets.  

I remember being overwhelmed by the volume. And you had to draw in these tiny boxes of the formatted storyboard page. I didn’t have that kind of discipline (I never did: I eventually developed a style of drawing on blank pages, then fielding and formatting them onto a page. Sometimes I scaled my drawings down on the xerox machine. I also drew on post-its (the greatest invention in animation after cels) and taped them onto the formatted sheet.  

As this was freelance, I actually only met with Jim twice: Once for the hand-out and then again to show him my roughs. I vaguely remember him asking for changes that I thought were off-show (I’d seen all extant episodes multiple times on TV by then). Plus this was my first time and really had no expectations of what the process was.

But--he was the director--I addressed his notes and turned in the storyboard to the receptionist without further feedback. This almost became my undoing. In future, I would know the director should go over the storyboard and decide if it was ready, needed further revision or even just check the “bookkeeping”; the placement of dialog, notes and scene and page numbering before releasing it to the producers (all the Executives at Gracie Films across town). However--for whatever reason--this didn’t happen. It went directly from reception to Gracie. And evidently the executives didn’t react well. I was ignorant of all of this for years; until Mark Kirkland told me what happened...

The Executives were displeased with the storyboard and demanded to know what happened. Someone blamed it on the new guy (me!). So it was decided I had to be fired (before I even started my first day on staff)!  

Did I get thrown under the bus? I can’t say. I wasn’t there. I am only relating events second hand.  

Anyway, Mark Kirkland, who shared the room with Jim Reardon and was present during my meetings came to my rescue (again, completely unbeknownst to me). He vouched for my character and said I was worthy of rescue and rather than firing me, I could work with him. 

So I have Mark to thank for my career. If I was fired, it would have been crushing and I think it’s safe to say I would never have become the artist I’ve become in the thirty plus years of my career.

What was the pressure like working on the show and at the studios during that time?

Because of my lack of experience, I found it difficult judging deadlines and the necessary labor (and just pencil mileage) to succeed. Plus I was traumatised by my previous job; I was conditioned to fear punishment and humiliation at anytime for something I did or didn’t do.

The climate at Klasky/Csupo couldn’t be more starkly different; so egalitarian! Everyone was socialising and goofing around. Gabor Csupo couldn’t be a more laid-back boss! Long lunches with side-trips for comic books and toys! Nerf guns in the hall. I shared a tiny room with two other board artists, Peter Avanzino and Steve Moore. They would both have to vacate the room for me to reach my desk in the far corner. We bantered and laughed more than worked. Celebrities would drop by (Most memorable was meeting Frank Zappa). There were events always going on; bowling, screenings and parties. And yet, a ton of thought and drawing was necessary; especially for me. I worried I couldn’t work as fast as other artists. I often had to work nights and weekends to meet my deadlines. However, there always were other artists doing the same thing; they may have been more experienced than me, but they were young and not so disciplined; so I was never alone. Plus, you never knew how off the mark your roughs could be and after a meeting with the director and Brad Bird, you might suddenly be looking at a ton of revision work. I also remember that Brad was busy weekdays and meetings could sometimes only be done on Saturdays. I simply had a lot to learn and time to put in to build my proficiency. And Brad Bird was very important influence in those days: I could be nervous and exhausted preparing for a meeting with him, but he’d so infect you with his enthusiasm and creative vision that you’d end up re-doing the whole thing but be excited about doing it. He emphasized the cinematic aspects and empowered us to be bold and push the limits of traditional animation staging.

You worked on some of the show’s early classics, could you tell from your position how the episodes would come out?

My next episode for Jim Reardon was “When Flanders Failed”. Because of the kerfuffle of the first episode I did for him, I was anxious to be as professional and impressive as possible. I thought the act I did showed improvement. However, the episode seemed to languish at some point (after animation?) and word got around that it was a bust and wouldn’t reach air. My memory is hazy about this, but I was bummed at the time; thinking my working relationship with Jim was snake-bit.  

A season later, it eventually did air. I’m not giving a very good account of this, sorry.

“Flaming Moe’s” was an episode I was excited about. I remember Brad Bird suggesting some very exciting staging that turned my head around. Especially the part where Homer ends up--“Phantom of the Opera-ish”--in the rafters. I think that was a turning point for me; I was going to be a Brad disciple and determined to push the staging from then on.

“Stark Raving Dad”, is memorable to me, but not for a good reason. It was one of the last episodes I worked on; only doing an act. I remember being scandalized that Michael Jackson was the subject of the episode. Being a Simpsons purist, I believed that the show existed in a parallel universe and celebrities were parodied for laughs; it was too hip to be a shill for celebrity. There was no Arnold Swarzenegger, there was McBain. There was no Hal Fishman (our local channel 5 anchor), there was Kent Brockman. Dr. Hibbert was a parody of Bill Cosby. Mayor Quimby was a parody of Ted Kennedy. Even Nick Riviera was supposed to be Gabor Csupo! Having Michael Jackson exist in this universe and embodied in a sympathetic character (rather than a target of ridicule) was seriously “jumping the shark” in my opinion. I believed the show had done the unthinkable and it would prove fatal to the series.  

Of course I was wrong. The Simpsons goes on like a perpetual motion machine. But I couldn’t abide watching this wise and subversive show trample over its principles to star-fuck. Now of course, which celebrity HASN’T been on the Simpsons. As you may well know, “Stark Raving Dad” has been pulled from the series since the premiere of the HBO documentary “Leaving Neverland”, giving some credence to my long ago objection: sometimes it bites you on the ass.

“Black Widower” was my swan song. I remember meeting Kelsey Grammer at the table read and being mesmerized by his voice. He sounded just like Orson Welles. The act I boarded included Bob and Selma’s honeymoon. I wanted to give the staging a Hitchcockian influence with deep-focus, Z-axis compositions (like looking out of the fireplace, across the gas burner to Selma and Bob) and my first-ever use of DX (double exposed) shadows to provide menace. I thought that was my best work of the series.

One of my favourite early episodes is ‘Homer at the Bat’ which you storyboarded. What are your recollections on working on it? Did you get any specific notes when it came to the players?

“Homer” was my third “at bat” (pardon the pun) with Jim. He’s a baseball fan as I am, but he also PLAYED Chicago-Style Softball (baseball with a huge, soft ball). I’m a baseball fan too, but I felt I’d be exposed a dilettante due to my terminal lack of athleticism. I was assigned all three acts of the show as well! I really had to be on my game (again, pardon) and not miss any of the references. I reluctantly took him up on his offer playing in one of the Chicago-Style games one Saturday in Burbank. It was a sacrifice as I had to work weekends to keep up with the workload of this episode. I went with a fellow board artist, who’ll remain unnamed (to remain friends).  

It went terribly. At bat, I whiffed three pitches in a row, and Jim kept pitching more and more out of pity. I missed them all. He finally had to tell me to just give the bat to the next guy. In the outfield, I stunk just as badly. The piece-de-resistance was when my fellow board artist was at bat and swung hard on a pitch. He missed the ball AND dislocated his knee. I ran to him as he plopped down in agony onto home plate with his knee, shin and foot pointed in the wrong direction. “If my leg stays like this much longer, I think I’m gonna start crying,” he said through the pain.  After a terribly long moment, his shin and foot rotated snapped back into place. We hobbled off the field as Jim and his pals resumed the game. Could things have gone any worse? I was certain that Jim had no faith in me by that time. If so, he never said it. He was a laconic guy.  

I worked on it a hundred years ago so I don’t feel the pride I objectively should. The episode went against The Cosby Show and beat it in the ratings!  There’s even an exhibit in The Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, that I wasn’t aware of until I went there. No artist other than Matt is mentioned. It’s all about the writers and the players who voiced the show.

I still have the storyboards of Jose Canseco in the bathtub with Ms. Krabappel that Jose objected to and we had to cut. I’ll post them someday.

How do you reflect on your time working on the show? Do you ever watch those seasons and episodes back?

See below for details; but no. I haven’t watched the episodes I worked on or those seasons for decades. I haven’t watched any episodes after the 3rd season at all. I did see the movie.

The relationship between Klasky-Csupo and Gracie Films finished at the end of the third season, when Gracie decided to move production to Film Roman, what was your view of that situation?

With the handwriting on the wall that Fox might pull The Simpsons from Klasky-Csupo, the in-house producer Sherry Gunther countered by getting all us artists to sign a document tying us exclusively to Klasky-Csupo in an effort to block Fox access to the crew. That gambit didn’t dissuade Fox. They pulled the show anyway and took it to Film Roman. At the time, I wanted desperately to follow the show, but naively thought I couldn’t because I was bound by Sherry’s contract. Virtually everyone left Klasky-Csupo for Film Roman anyways; contract be damned.

The studio became a ghost town. I stayed, distressed that I had to work on Rugrats. However, I eventually concluded that being torn away from The Simpsons was the best thing for my creative growth. Wherein The Simpsons was written so well, closely supervised and finding its stride, The Rugrats scripts were mediocre and the gags not funny. Rugrats was a vacuum to fill and I was empowered to add gags and exercise Gabor’s mandate to really push the staging into warped and low-angled baby POVs that defined the series. It lacked the regimentation of The Simpsons and I exposed to all the other processes in making cartoons. On the Chanukah special I directed, I timed the animation, I even helped direct the voice talent and supervise animatic and final edit.

The Simpsons, like many prime-time animated shows, are dominated by writer/producers who closely control the creative aspects and the artists are more or less staying in their lanes.

After the Simpsons you were assigned to work on ‘Duckman’ where you directed eight episodes, what was the step up to direction like?

I didn’t go directly to Duckman. There was a period of boarding on Rugrats and assistant directing on two Edith-Ann specials for ABC. It was a sad time, something like being in purgatory, but one which I believe was necessary in retrospect.

Speaking of being in purgatory, here’s an anecdote. Klasky-Csupo was a bunch of empty rooms after the Simpsons left. I was working on Edith Ann one day and Gabor was walking a tour of potential clients through. I showed them what I was doing and then Gabor directed them to the next room; opening a door to usher them in, various large and small auto parts suddenly tumbled noisily out onto the floor. A car bumper, pieces of trim, a fender and hub-caps.  

You may ask why auto parts were in there? I’ll tell you: When Rich Moore worked there, his office overlooked the corner of Highland and Fountain avenues. Over time, he and his crew witnessed a lot of auto collisions on that corner. They would go and retrieve the parts left behind and hang them on the wall. Rich obviously left without taking his collection and somebody decided to hide them all in this room. Suffice to say, it didn’t look professional and I felt terrible for Gabor at that moment.

When I did become director, there was many moments of panic. I was used to storyboarding to my personal standard and quality that defined my aesthetic. Paradoxically, being a director meant losing close control. I had to depend on clearly communicating to the storyboard artists, quickly learning you can only tell artists so much before they “top-off” and forget what you said. No one took notes! It was all by memory! I always took notes as a board artist. A good board artist makes a director look good. There are far more mediocre storyboard artists than good ones; mainly because the good ones are promoted to directors (I feel the quality has improved over time). And I had to deal with freelancers for the first time. They are the guys that fill-in when there’s not enough staff artists. These people were usually moonlighting for extra money and end up storyboarding your show in the style of the show they were working on during the day. There just wasn’t enough time in the schedule to fix everything without working crazy hours. The Simpsons had layout. So storyboards didn’t have to be so precise and if something wasn’t staged right or acting out in storyboard, you could work with a layout artist in shorthand to correct it. Virtually my entire career has been absent layouts. They are very rare for TV nowadays. This makes the storyboard all the more important. The bar must be high; we call them “layout storyboards”; they need to be closer to model and the acting must be spot on.  

Animation timing was also something I had to get control of; At first, Duckman didn’t have a supervising timing director, who could maintain the quality and the timing aesthetics particular to the show. It was up to the director to check timing. I had almost no experience and it was a new show. No one person had the answers. I could review the timer’s work (so often a dreaded freelancer) and I could see it wasn’t at all right and I’d wholesale erase it, but then I panicked that I might have done more damage than good; suddenly in over my head. It took time, but I got it.

I believe that the director who masters his x-sheets is true master of his show.  I could add quality and personal aesthetics in a new dimension.

Does you background as a storyboard artist influence the way in which you direct?

Absolutely. In animation history, there were directors who didn’t storyboard or even draw. There were a few of these “dinosaurs” on Rugrats. They sat and read the paper when we boarded their shows. But because of the overseas process of animation and the loss of layouts here at home, if you are going to direct at all, you have to be comfortable drawing a detailed, informed layout storyboard. It is literally the blueprint of your show.

That said, I had to mature as a director who storyboarded. It was insane to try and board all my episodes personally, though directors will put some work aside for themselves, especially if its a sequence that would be too hard to delegate to another artist. If a sequence involves a new character, location or prop integral to the story, it may not be designed yet, so I’ll take it on and “feel it out;” designing as I board.

I had to learn how to be a good delegator and a clear communicator. I pitch sequences to the board artist before they begin and give them roughs of designs, poses or staging I think is important for the sequence. From my boarding experience, I don’t like directors who don’t tell you what they want until after you’ve drawn the storyboard. That wastes time and effort. And morale. I want the artists to know my take and hopefully that will inform the storyboard they do. I also know from my board experience that you should balance criticism with praise. Communicate what you like about how they do this and that before you go through critiquing the parts that aren’t working. Ultimately, you want to help the board artists be successful in storyboarding it their way, not my way. If it works, don’t change it just because it isn’t the way you’d do it. Lean into and support what they’ve done.

‘Duckman’ had a cavalcade of guest stars throughout the shows run, did you ever get to meet any of them, and if so, do you have a favourite encounter?

I was always of two minds regarding using live-action stars for animation. Yeah, it’s fun to meet them and some like Jason Alexander can knock-it-out-of-the-park, but sometimes this kind of “stunt casting” backfires. In my first episode, we used Crispin Glover in a stunt role as a crazed maniac with only one line. He showed up brandishing an eight inch hunting knife acting like a REAL maniac. Maybe it was method acting, but we were scared of him and got him in and out as fast as we could. His delivery didn’t work for the line and it spoiled the joke in my opinion, but it remained in the episode. If we used one of the legion of professional voice actors available, we could have worked with them for the perfect “voice” and delivery and nailed it.

We also used Teri Garr for an episode (not one I was directing) and I attended because I was a huge fan of hers. I got to see her behind the mike as she looked over her pages and said acidly, “This isn’t exactly Tolstoy, is it.” That is the opposite attitude you should have when you’re hired. She was soon pitching underwear afterwards...obviously not Tolstoy either.

So I’ll say it again: using celebrities can bite you on the ass.

Performances aside, I certainly did enjoy meeting legends. Carl Reiner played a priest in Noir Gang. Mind you we recorded in a small studio that was in the back of the Rugrats building that was essentially a cavernous storage room. Ed Asner looked visibly uncomfortable when we huddled around him in there. I’ll never forget the look on Marina Sirtis’ face when she arrived to record an episode. Me and a couple of other guys were laying in wait in this sketchy storage area eating our lunches. She was concerned: “is this the right place?” I felt like a lech and stopped going to records that I didn’t have to be at.

Overall, if the celebrity you’ve cast for a voice roll has theater experience, you are more likely to get a good vocal performance. Especially musical theater experience. They are more aware of their voice and have the tools. This goes for Jason and others like Tim Curry and Bebe Neuwirth; all great voice talent to have behind the mic.

You worked on the second run of Futurama, had you been a fan of the original seasons?

No. I didn’t watch the show before. I had to catch up and learn the “canon” when I was hired.

How did you get involved in working on Futurama?

The animating studio, Rough Draft, was something of a clique. They didn’t just hire “anybody” and unlike most studios, they maintain a staff of lifers who usually have the choice positions. I knew Peter Avanzino from our Simpsons days doing storyboards together, so he vouched for me. I was hired to direct on the 2nd season of Drawn Together. So they had a taste of what they could expect from me. I was no longer an unknown quantity when Futurama came around.

One of the eight episodes you directed was, ‘The Mutants are Revolting’, the shows hundredth episode. How special was it to work on such a landmark episode?

It had the most visibility of my episodes, at least internally. They made T-shirts and some publicity art and even the script had a nicer cover. But it was the episode with the most headaches. The scope of the story was huge with multiple set pieces. The opening newsreel, movie in a movie of the Land-Titanic, the asteroid delivery, the party at Planet Express, the riot in the sewers and the flood and “parting of the red sea” climax all required a ton of designs and characters; plus more hand-drawn and CG effects. That’s a lot to manage and marshall for a TV show. Most episodes don’t require the director to do this kind of heavy lifting. I find that when a show demands this much visually, the story ends up being more superficial, gag driven and episodic feeling. Such is the case for this episode. It was visually pumped up because it was representing the 100th episode; meaning I was saddled with managing lots of logistics rather than the usual character-based comedy and emotion of say, Tip of The Zoidberg, which is a relationship story that--as a director--I feel I give more time to flourish and shine with.

‘The Mutants are Revolting’ features some fantastic animation, most notably a brief sequence of Bender standing perfectly still as the Planet Express ship moves around him. Can you explain the challenges of a sequence like that?

That’s a good, insightful question. A shot like this shows off the resources Rough Draft has that aren’t available at just any other studio doing TV animation. The interior of the Planet Express Ship was built and animated in CG. At it’s gimbal point was a CG version of a stationary Bender; locked to field, but who’s feet move with the CG ship. Once the CG elements were approved, they were printed out as wire frame drawings printed onto pegged paper. My Assistant Director drew key poses of the characters on a separate layer in register with the CG print outs, old school on a light box animation disc. This all was sent to our overseas studio Rough Draft Korea for inbetweening and color of the characters only. That came back as an alpha-channeled digital file and layered over the CG animation in our digital compositing department.

Scott Vanzo runs the department and directs all the CG animation effects. I can’t remember who exactly built the interior of the PE ship and animated it, so I’ll rely on IMDb: Don Kim and Jason Plapp. But all the guys in the digital department do tremendous work and allowed us to fine tune a lot of animation (that doesn’t have CG in it); giving us the ability that raises the quality and takes the curse off of overseas animation limitations.

‘The Tip of the Zoidberg’ was nominated for a Primetime Emmy, how proud were you of that achievement and the episode itself?

The episode was one of my favorites; it was character focused and elaborating on canon so a director couldn’t ask for more. As for the Emmy nomination, it’s one of those show business awards that I realized early I can’t get emotionally vested in. The Futurama guys have a formula for figuring out which episode will be submitted. I think it has something to do with each writer getting a shot at the statue. And then from then on it’s just politics.

You’ve also done work on ‘Disenchantment’, giving you the distinction of having worked on all three of Matt Groening’s shows. What’s your relationship like with him?

I can’t help but laugh at this question. I’ve run into him twice out in public over the years and he didn’t recognize me. Once at the Moscow Cat Circus! But that humbling fact aside, he’s a genuinely nice, funny person devoid of pretence and he’s said some very complementary things about my work. However, it’s all business. Like virtually all primetime shows, he’s with the writers at their separate production office. Animation production takes place in a different geographical location. My face time is limited to usually 2-3 meeting points in a show’s schedule. Anything in between are fielded via emails routed through coordinators and assistants.

As well as short form animation you’ve been involved with several feature length productions, including ‘The Rugrats Movie’ and ‘Despicable Me’, what are the key differences between long from and short form animated projects?

I don’t think I’ve ever had a purely feature production experience. The Rugrats Movie(s) were spin-offs from TV series so some processes were grandfathered in from TV production. Despicable Me was truly off-the-wall in that the storyboard artists were working remotely from literally all over the world. No one met each other. I met with Chris Renaud once. I was not allowed to see the entire script, only pages here and there. It was called “Evil Me” at the time. I was truly working in the dark and ultimately, they didn’t use anything I drew. Which to me seemed par-for-the-course: this was one harebrained, inefficient, right-hand-doesn’t-know-what-the-left-hand-is-doing way to make a show. Again, I predicted it would fail. Again, I was wrong.

At the time I was working on Despicable Me, Gru looked like Snape from Harry Potter and there were no minions yet, just an “Igor” kind of 2nd banana that was a shorter version of the final Gru design.  

So my takeaway from those experiences is that I prefer TV production. You don’t have the luxury of a feature schedule, but there is less time for executives to get replaced, sundry monkey-business and creatives pulling the rug out from under you. However, TV is catching up in those regards. See below.

Do you have a scene or episode you’re particularly proud of working on?

I feel fulfilled and proud of directing and being supervising producer on Hey Arnold: The Jungle Movie. I was empowered to work in every aspect of the process and benefit from my experience to make it the smoothest running ship and happiest crew ever. Only at the very end did the executives get into overdrive meddling. But it ran well and looked good. It may not be as funny as my prime time stuff, but I think we elevated the material across the board; writing, design, animation quality. And it was a project put in mothballs 15 years before being resurrected. So it completes me in a way.

Ultimately, I believe work is about relationships and quality of life. The shows where you were empowered and respected and not overworked due to inefficiency are the shows I’m proud to work on. As Jim Duffy would always say, “It’s only a cartoon.”

Often sequences are cut or revised before broadcast. Do you have any favourites that didn’t make it in?

If I had, I’ve forgotten them.  

What are the biggest changes you’ve seen in the industry over your time and what do you think the next big change will be?

The trend seems to be as I get better and more efficient at my job, creators and writers (especially in streaming prime-time) are becoming more entitled, indecisive, mecurial and demanding. As processes have evolved in digital technology, we’ve opened the door for those in power indulging in more rewrites, revisions, reviews, etc. Despite the technical advancements, animation remains expensive and time intensive and good artists (especially in TV) have to work intelligently and diligently on tight schedules to produce funny, inspired, detail-oriented work. Rewrites and revisions burn out artists and make us feel like office machines and though our overlords pay for the last minute re-dos, they are often throwing out higher quality work for patchwork revisions that lower the overall quality of a show.

Who inspired you as a young animator and who do you look to now?

Ironically, I never saw myself becoming an animator. I did do some stop-motion on Super 8 as a kid. But that was because I didn’t have access to peers to act and help. What inspired me were live action directors with strong, individual styles: Orson Welles, Stanley Kubrick, Peter Greenaway and Terry Gilliam. I think of these guys in essence as “live-action-animation directors”. The stylization in their sequence planning, shot selection and composition as well as how production design integrates in their storytelling reminds me of how background design and art direction naturally occur in animation production.  

I’m sure there are new visionaries out there, but I’ve become so disenchanted with modern cinema, I rarely see new movies anymore. I find streaming TV much more interesting. Current movies strike me as self-consciously mannered and hyperactive. I find it endlessly fascinating looking back into cinema history before movies had to begin with three or four production company logos whooshing noisily about.

What advice would you give to people looking to break into the animation industry?

I’ve seen an improvement in the college educated animation students over the years. They seem to be of a higher intellectual standard than before. They aren’t as thrown by the rigors of schedule and they ALL can draw circles around me.  

Be original in your own work, but also be a craftsman (as opposed to purely an artist) who can take criticism neutrally and have the tools to fit in the grand scheme of a show that might challenge your personal aesthetics.  

Denis Sanders, a directing teacher I had in college said the director’s job is to be “an expert at all things”. In animation, that translates into intellegently knowing what to draw. If a character is looking under the hood of a car, know what an internal combustion engine looks like and what reasonable pieces you can have your character toss out of said engine. The distributor, the carburettor. Find and use reference! Go that extra step and inform your work with the texture of reality.

Don’t regurgitate old tropes. A trite example of what I’m talking about: If a character is peeking at another, avoid the obvious keyhole in the door trope. Keyholes aren’t in doors anymore. It’s been a cliche from the beginning of cinema. Rather, crack the door open, slide your cellphone under the door, look through a window or punch a hole in the door and look in. Like I said, this is a trite example, but making non-obvious choices rather than knee-jerk non-choices makes cartoons fresh and funnier.

What animated shows do you currently watch and what’s your opinion on the current state of animation?

It’s a terrible admission, but I’m not watching anything in animation. There’s a lot of animation that seems to be just writer-driven, animated live-action sit-coms. There isn’t a reason for them to be animated. Those are the kind of jobs I get offered a lot. It seems like a more trouble than it’s worth.

Who are some young animators you think we should be looking out for?

Gosh, I don’t know.

What projects are you currently working on?

I’m productively unemployed at the moment.

Where can people follow you on social media?

I only do tumblr: mashymilkiesinc.tumblr.com

[nightklok]

28 Chickles?

76 Kiss Prompts [Open]

Is it cheating if I use an old prompt meme to complete today’s prompt? Probably but I had a majority of this written out so might as well finish it! Thank you for requesting this and sorry it’s a bit late! :O

Kloktober Prompt: Day 14-Preklok Whumptober Prompt: No 27-Power Outage

28. First kiss

It was the first band Pickles joined a few years after Snakes N’ Barrels disbanded. It was a band that would disband not long after being signed and before they could even produce their first album. The genre didn’t felt like it belonged to him compared to his previous band’s genre and it felt more like a job than anything else. However, it paid the bills and got him to at least work with music once again. Even if it felt like he was once again working from the bottom up, at least he wasn’t entirely lost and was knowledgeable on how the music industry was. He hadn’t really tried to get back into making music after Snakes N’ Barrels disbanded. Despite the offers from various groups, he had ignored them all without even giving a response. He ended up shifting from a music-related job to a non-music related job and dealing with the horrible addictions that never left his side. As if by fate, it took one DUI related charge to end up having Charles Foster Offdensen, a freshly graduated law student, to take his case. Somehow, he ended up winning that trial and Charles asked for no money but simply to be his manager and lawyer. It was honestly laughable. He hadn’t worked with bands or even gone solo so how could someone even want to risk their career by being associated with him? He was serious and spoke in a way that meant he looked at every outcome and wanted it regardless. It took a few days of convincing and Pickles agreed even though he was sure he was a lost cause (pun intended). His new manager proved his worth and got him band auditions fairly quickly as a lead singer. As quickly as they happened, they quickly ended successfully with tons of accepted phone calls. Pickles never really did felt like he fit in with any of them, however. There was no spark he felt playing with them like with his previous band and he was wondering if it was worth straggling in some newly licensed lawyer to his troubles. Charles never did judge him though unlike his previous managers. He listened to his complaints and how he felt with an open mind and tried to adjust the best he could. However, he had a feeling that most likely the ‘heavy’ sound Pickles was looking for wouldn’t be available or at least for the moment. At the advice given, he had accepted the offer from the next band he passed the audition for. It was a rock band that was a bit heavier sounding but it was better than the other bands, and he tried to make his peace with that. It didn’t take long for them to record a single, send it to record labels, and soon get signed. He thought he would be happy that a record label signed onto their band so quickly but he found himself not feeling that euphoria once felt when his first band was signed. The moment he signed his name on that contract, it felt like he was just signing up for a job above all else. The fear that perhaps he just simply overstayed his welcome and would never be able to make music again was running through his head. If not music, then what else was there for him? As the other band members began pestering the poor secretary for directions to the nearest bar, Charles trailed behind to keep up with Pickles. He wanted to say something; he could tell he didn’t seem happy but the only words that came out of his mouth were, “Well, ah, how about I buy you a drink? To celebrate?” That seemed to be enough for Pickles as he turned to look at him with a small smile, “A free drink and getting signed? Sounds like a good day to me.”                                                          ____ If Pickles had to be reminded further that the band most likely had the same behaviors as his previous one, it was their excessive drinking and somehow finding someone to buy coke off before the drinks even arrived. Within minutes, they were already high, and trying to out drink the other. Even for Pickles’ standards, they weren’t worth trying to keep up with. Pickles sat alongside him, taking advantage of the free nuts that were provided as he drank his beer. He was surprisingly quiet for once; he barely spoke a word since they arrived and mainly just asked the bartender for more drinks. Charles didn’t say anything either. Not that he didn’t want to but what could be said when he’s forced to watch his new clients already drink their first potential paycheck away? Like watching the same movie for the umpteenth time, unsurprisingly came the women and men. He found himself not even surprised when one by one his new bandmates began leaving with said people. They were either making out with them, taking them to one of the bathrooms, or leaving the bar altogether to some nearby hotel or something. That didn’t mean he wasn’t asked to go along. An occasional bandmate would remember he existed or one of the people drunkenly recognized him and asked him to join. He was reminded way too much of the nights spent in shitty hotels with people whose faces he’d barely even remember. It felt like as he aged those memories became less and less positively memorable and only left a bad taste in his mouth. He politely declined and watched his last bandmate leave the bar with some girl close by him. He was ready to leave to go home himself, “I guess we should call it a night,” He finished his beer quickly, ready to pull out his wallet. “I did say I would be paying,” Charles answered as he pulled out his own wallet, “And if you’d like, we can go to my place. It’s quieter and we can discuss a bit about the meeting with the record execs tomorrow.” “You did say it was for only my drink. Not the rest of the guys,” He grinned at him as if having won some game of thinking one step ahead, “But sure, could use some company.” There was a slight back and forth over who was paying the tab but eventually settled on a compromise that they would pay for half of it as they both knew the other bandmates would never pay them back. Hopefully, the revenue from the new album would be more than enough to cover that expensive tab. The two walked out of the bar and into the pouring rain that almost came out of nowhere. And unfortunately, Charles’ car was parked at least four blocks from the bar. Even though he had offered to make the run himself and drive back to get him, Pickles went with him. He hadn’t drunk himself to oblivion and at least didn’t slip on the mud or complain about getting wet. By the time they reached his car, they were soaked to the point where air-drying wasn’t much of an option. Charles had to turn on the AC to prevent the windows from fogging up. The cool air, even if it was as low and away from them as much as possible, did nothing to help relieve them from being soaking wet and cold. He didn’t have a blanket or anything with him, so he had to hope for the best that a near-half-hour drive wouldn’t result in them getting sick, “Sorry, I have to keep the AC on for a while.” “It’s fine. Do you have clothes I can borrow when we get to your place?” “Of course.” Between the sound of rain hitting against the car, the windshield wipers, and some Creedence Clearwater Revival song playing from the radio, it filled the silence when they didn’t talk. What they did talk about was trivial things or light jokes about getting sick. It had eventually died down when Pickles quietly dozed off. They reached the apartment a bit longer than usual because of the rain and sudden heavy traffic. Pickles had woken up just as Charles was beginning to park his car in the lot. He stretched as he got out of the car, adjusting his wet clothes that must’ve stuck to his skin like glue. To say he was cold was an understatement but the beers he drank thankfully didn’t keep him from freezing. The elevator was working this time and there was no one else there or when they reached his floor. It was as silent and eerie as walking into some unfamiliar hallway at night could be. The sound of wet shoes and socks against the floor was audibly heard, squeaking against the floor but was muffled by the bolt of lightning that came by. Even though it wouldn’t make much of a difference aside from mud, Charles told him to take off his shoes and leave it by the doorway when he unlocked the door to his apartment and let him in. As directed, he took off his shoes and left it to the side as the other did the same. His apartment was as ordinary as it looked for a lawyer just starting out. Nicely put together furniture and decorations that did make the place look a bit more put together. Maybe it was all Ikea furniture or something, Pickles wasn’t really one to keep track of furniture brands and shit. Either way, it looked nice and inviting to him compared to his own shitty studio apartment. He followed him to his bedroom where he had shown him a drawer that was full of warmer clothes. He found an old college sweatshirt and pants to go with. It’d probably be loose on him but anything was better than the wet clothing that was only reminding him further of how cold he was. Charles showed him where the bathroom was to change, “You can leave the clothes by the sink, I’ll throw them in the wash. Make yourself at home,” He told him before he went to his room to change. He put on whatever casual clothing he had and towel-dried his hair as much as he could. It was still damp to the touch, but he could live with that. He did see the bathroom was open when he stepped out, grabbing his clothes and putting them in the hamper. He’d take them to the washing machines downstairs when he got the chance. He went to the kitchen, grabbing two glasses, and poured brandy in both of them. Coffee or tea was his usual go-to when he had guests over but he knew Pickles enough on what he would prefer,  and that was neither most of the time. He found Pickles in the living room, staring at the collection of law textbooks and framed awards that were either in the bookcase or framed near it. “You did fencing in college?” He asked as he looked at one of the plaques on the wall. He took the brandy Charles offered with a quick ‘thanks’. “Yes, actually. I was president there for the last, ah, two, or three years of college.” “Wow. You’re really full of surprises.” He laughed. “How so?” “Well, you’re some lawyer who wants to be a manager and for a has-been like me. That’s gotta be costing you more than if you just stayed as a lawyer. Recording that single must’ve not been cheap. And that bar tab either. ” “I’ll admit these expenses weren’t cheap but I have had money put aside for it. We’re signed now, so I’ll be getting that money back soon.” He answered. “You’re a little too optimistic about this, chief. You’ll be lucky if we even get a hit single.” “Well, it’s a risk, isn’t it? Working at an industry like this is a risk and I’m well aware of that. I might get that money back. I might not. We’ll see.” He answered, “but I suppose that’s where you come in if you want me to get my money back.” Maybe, it was the beer, brandy, and the eventual sickness looming over but it was hard to take him seriously, “You’re really putting so much confidence in me that it’s funny, really. Y’know there are people I know that do what you’re doing and before you know it, they’re stuck working at 9 to 5 jobs down at Santa Monica instead of retiring. At least you’re...like the same age as me? I won’t fuck your life up that much.” “You’re not gonna fuck up my life. I have a plan for this, Pickles. If the next band doesn’t work out, we can try another. You still have a name-” “A name?” He laughed bitterly, “What name, Charles? The one where the news talk about me with a DUI charge? Or a drug overdose? Or the one who sang for some stupid band with a stupid genre that’s clearly a joke now! Hair metal. that’s what they call it now! What kinda person would take someone who sang for hair metal seriously?” Charles knew he was right. His name in headlines was almost never for anything good. But all it took was one look in him to see that he still had...something. Something that not a lot of musicians had and something he’s probably yet to discover himself, “But you still have a chance, don’t you? You still have a voice to sing with and that should be more than enough to make a new name for yourself. The only person isn’t really believing this is you.” “What do I have to believe in myself for, Charles?” He shook his head as if he had mentally answered his own question, “God, I’m such a fucking idiot. I shouldn’t have let you get dragged with me. I should just go and quit or something. I’ll be saving you a lot more time and money if I just-” The lights flickered for just a moment but a clap of thunder quickly shut them off. Charles cursed under his breath as he went over to one of the switches to flick them on and off. It was completely off, “Guess we’re stuck like this for a while.” “Just fantastic,” Pickles muttered. He finished the rest of his brandy, “Look, I’ll just go. Save yourself the trouble-” “It’s literally pouring out and you’re drunk. I’m not letting you leave,” He answered. He watched his expression and sighed, “But clearly...there are things that you need to talk about, right? I mean...if you really did want to quit music altogether, why did you say yes when I asked to work for you?” He wanted to say it was just because he wanted to humor him. But even then, was it really the answer? He looked down as he shrugged, running his hand through his hair, "I dunno. I guess I thought I was getting a second chance. Some good job I’m doing at keeping that second chance, aren’t I?"

“I think you’re doing well with what you can do. It’s just hard to find a good band to blend with nowadays I suppose,” Charles said. He approached him closer. He wanted to help him but he was scared of having him run off when he was so close to having him open up to him, “But you still have the same potential as you did when you started in the band.” But you clearly need to work out whatever you’re going through just let me help you-

Pickles at least didn’t try to leave and instead agreed to coffee. He sat in the kitchen chair as Charles boiled water on the gas stove. There was a comfortable silence between them as they didn’t say anything and only listened to the relentless rain hitting against the window and the thunder that occasionally sounded. He poured the water and instant coffee to two mugs, letting him use the milk and sugar to his liking which was borderline sweet.

Charles used the rest of the milk for his coffee and threw the carton out. He sat in the chair opposite him, taking a sip of his coffee that quickly warmed him up. Pickles didn’t say anything and he didn’t want to pry so he didn’t say anything either.

“Can I ask you something?” Pickles asked as he stared at the mug. He couldn’t meet his gaze.

“Sure.”

“Why did you wanna work for me? Any other band or celebrity with a cleaner record could easily take you in.”

It was a question that Charles knew would come up inevitably and he had prepared for it in advanced. Prepared professional and cordial sentences that might not mean much but would at least mean something meaningful to Pickles. Though, that was with the implication that they would’ve been in some professional setting. Not in his apartment with Pickles wearing his old clothes and after he had probably poured out more of his feelings than he had intended to. It was only fair he did the same, “Well, to put it bluntly, your music saved my life and I only wanted to return the favor I suppose.”

Whatever Pickles had expected, definitely wasn’t that. He looked up to meet his eyes, green eyes somehow illuminated by whatever light the window gave. “What do you mean by that?” 

“I was a teen too when you started with the band. Probably just as angry and misunderstood as you were. Didn’t have a family or really anybody to turn to or much hope for my future. I just never understood when people said that music saved their life. Until I came across that first album and I really understood the feeling. It was made me decide to go into music business though I honestly admit I didn’t expect to ever be working with you until I was assigned your case.”

“And I’m guessing you took it as a sign or something?”

“Something like that. I mean, I would’ve been working for someone who basically shaped my career. It would be ironic, wouldn’t it be?”

Pickles was silent afterwords for a good while. Most likely to take the words in and realize just how much Charles meant it when he promised him he would find him a band and get his career started again. Charles was legit. Charles wasn’t saying this to get something out of him. He was being genuine and it brought in a whole new swarm of thoughts he hadn’t thought of in a long time. He looked at him with a sad smile that told a thousand words even if he said only ten, “I wish we met earlier. We could’ve had fun together,”

He must’ve been lonely, Charles quickly realized. And it was for good reason too; his band members were nearly a decade or so older than him and he most likely never talked with people around his age. As fun as it must’ve been getting to feel like an adult talking with adults, it could get tiring too and sometimes makes one wish they spoke about bullshit to someone their age. He knew that all too well, “Me too. But, at least we know each other now and I promise that it’s only going to get better from here.”

“You really believe in me, don’t you?” Pickles asked.

If the months and money and time Charles did wasn’t enough, he didn’t know what would. He knew that sometimes words just confirmed the actions so he nodded, “Of course I do. I wouldn’t be taking such a risk if I didn’t.”

What he didn’t expect to happen though was for Pickles to being to cry. He had his hands on his face, elbows on the table, and tried not to show he was crying. But his sniffles and tears seeping through his hands easily gave it away. The tears weren’t of sadness and Charles knew that well enough. It was enough though for him to still go over to him and hold onto him tightly. He felt him wrap his arms tightly around him as the cries turned to sobs as he let however many years of pent up feelings and loneliness finally resurface and wash away like the rain.

Eventually, they pulled away. There were no other words that really needed to be said. It was just one look that said what they wanted to say but neither had the words to say it. It was Pickles that kissed Charles. It wasn’t those kisses that were meaningless and full of absolute desperation and hastily made to get on to the point. It was full of a tenderness and warmth that neither hadn’t felt before or for a long way. It was warm and against the coldness of the apartment from the rain and darkness, it was enough.

                                                        ____

They lied down in Charles’ bed with a blanket covering them. Even if the room was a bit chilly, the warmth from the blanket and each other was more than enough.

“You could always go solo.” Charles said as he stared up at the ceiling.

“I guess...but I’m kinda tired of being in the spotlight. I mean, I like it and all but being at the center of it? Gets exhausting.” “Hm, there’s guitar auditions you can always do. You can always do that,” Charles pointed out.

They know it’s not gonna last. The band, that is. Most likely the band would fizzle out into obscurity and never be remembered within a month.

“True. Probably still have my Les Paul in my apartment somewhere.”

Charles honestly wished he could make him actually be happy. He did know that this was a problem he couldn’t exactly fix. As much as he wished he could be, there was a limit and he was sure he already was nearing it. He could only help as much as he could and be content with it; convincing Pickles to get back into music and letting him take direction in how he wanted to pursue music was one of the only things he could do. Being there for him, not as a manager/lawyer, but as someone who cared for him on a personal level also was something he could do. And he could do both; he was great at multitasking. “For the next band, I wanna play drums. I wanna be in the background this time,” Pickles murmured sleepily as he wrapped an arm around him.

“I’ll look into drum auditions tomorrow,” Charles answered. He would’ve protested at them breaking boundaries, it certainly wasn’t professional, but who conducted meetings in bed anyway? He held onto him, feeling the slight dampness of his dreads that were still not completely dry but didn’t care. Mentally, he reminded himself to find that newspaper he looked at the other day. He vaguely remembered an ad trying to find a drummer for some metal band. Hopefully, they wouldn’t be too late and that they would need a lawyer or manager as well.

The rain was still pouring and the power wouldn’t come back on until just a few hours later. But for at the moment, neither of those things really did matter. They held each other in silence, listening to the rain as eventually they fell asleep.

[aion-rsa]

Garbage Pail Kids At 35: The Kids Are Alright

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Presented by:

This story appears in the Den of Geek x eBay special edition trading card magazine.

Garbage Pail Kids gave birth to my anti-authority streak. I was in fifth grade waiting for art class to start and showing off my prized Ashcan Andy to enraptured classmates when my teacher walked in the classroom, sighed, confiscated the card and proceeded to rip it up. “This junk has no place in an art room,” she stoically declared as Andy was transformed into sad confetti before my eyes. Years later, I came to realize that this demonstration was all about jealousy – these cards had instantly engaged students in art in a way that her years of teaching never could.

And let me be clear here: Garbage Pail Kids are most definitely art. Often grotesque and always eye-catching, the unfortunate children showcased on these cards fostered an interest in painting, illustration, and design for generations of kids since Topps first introduced them back in 1985 (their pun-heavy names also were a gateway for subversive humor). After 35 years, Garbage Pail Kids have become a cultural institution—not to mention schoolyard contraband for nearly four decades, an unexpected bonus that would make the creators of these cards—veterans of the counterculture themselves—beam with pride.

To trace the origins of Garbage Pail Kids, a brief history lesson is in order. Although they were best known for their baseball cards, the Topps Company also had huge success with bubblegum cards based on popular films and TV shows. Further expanding their creative pallet, Topps released numerous humor card lines, the most popular of which was Wacky Packages. Like Mad Magazine before them, these stickers showcased parodies of contemporary products with bitingly accurate focus. 

In the early 1980s there was no bigger consumer frenzy than the Cabbage Patch Kids. These dolls from Xavier Roberts and Coleco featured an elaborate backstory and cloyingly adorable looks that became the stuff of toy legend (news reports featuring near riots as parents tried to get their hands on the damn things were commonplace in the early 1980s). 

Naturally, then, Cabbage Patch Kids were an ideal target to get the Wacky Packages treatment. But the decision was wisely made by Topps execs that Garbage Pail Kids could be a card line of their own. Spearheading the project was underground comics legend Art Spiegelman (who would go on to win a Pulitzer Prize in 1992 for his groundbreaking holocaust graphic novel Maus), Raw comics anthology contributor Mark Newgarden, and artist John Pound. 

Pound, a veteran of painting fantasy and science fiction book covers, was brought by Spiegelman to illustrate the original Wacky Packages “Garbage Pail Kid” card (featuring one of the dolls pushed into a trash can and touting orders to send the unfortunate soul to the Department of Sanitation). Though this Wacky Pack was shelved, Pound single-handedly painted all the characters featured in the first Garbage Pail Kids set. “They liked the idea sketches I sent in,” he says, “and asked me to do all 40 paintings in two months, which was faster than I was used to, but I got organized and made the deadline.” 

Working with Spiegelman, Newgarden, and Topps creative favorite Jay Lynch to craft ideas, Pound’s early characters included the now iconic Adam Bomb, and remain some of the most beloved in the line (for the record, Pound names Adam Bomb, Up Chuck, Jolly Roger, and Mona Loser as some of his favorite creations). 

Looking back over three decades later, Pound sees several reasons why Garbage Pail Kids have endured:

“The original concept had strengths: doing a parody of the famous Cabbage Patch Kids, and a name that was both clear and familiar sounding,” he says. “The concept’s rebellious attitude and shock value gave it initial attention. Also, in the ‘80s, Topps products were widely distributed, like in drug stores, variety stores, convenience stores.”

Although he freely admits that “I wasn’t expecting it, but Garbage Pail Kids became a huge hit,” Pound says aesthetic concerns were foremost on his mind when painting these garish figures. “On my end, despite the abundant gross humor and shock value, I simply wanted the art to feel good to look at. And I tried to put love into the paintings.” 

The care with which these outlandish cards were created was appreciated by consumers. Fifteen different series of Garbage Pail Kids were produced between 1985 and 1988. There was spinoff GPK merchandise too, ranging from folders emblazoned with images of popular characters to the on-brand/subversively named Cheap Toys. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie was released in 1987 with The Facts of Life co-star Mackenzie Astin in the lead. On that topic, The Toys That Made Us and A Toy Store Near You creator Brian Volk-Weiss sums up the flick perfectly: “That movie is so bonkers even seeing it is not believing it. It reminds me in a weird way of a low budget Batman and Robin in that it was like a ton of people were involved with the green light and execution and seemingly had no oversight on any matter.” 

But as far as Volk-Weiss is concerned, a new motion picture has plenty of potential. “I would love to see them do a ‘serious’ reboot that would be similar to the first Guardians of the Galaxy film in that they take the characters and the world seriously,” he states, “but the fun and humor and oddness stays intact too.” While there may be a future on screen for New Wave Dave and company, whatever it turns out to be must avoid the mistakes of the infamous 1987 cartoon series – which was produced for CBS but never aired due to the then-ongoing controversy surrounding the franchise (it eventually landed on DVD, and the less said about it the better.)

Despite a lull in any new products that lasted from the late 1980s until 2003, Garbage Pail Kids never really left the public consciousness. If anything, they were inspiring new talent. Enter Buff Monster. The Hawaii native and prolific street artist known for his upbeat, ice cream-inspired work was so inspired by Garbage Pail Kids that he created his own line of sticker art cards, The Melty Misfits. With names like Mind-Blowin’ Owen (featuring a cameo by a very Adam Bomb-esque character) and Bam Bam Sam, these intricately designed stickers—created on the type of antiquated machinery that Garbage Pail Kids were made on—come complete with a retro-styled wax pack and showcase Buff Monster’s own unique aesthetic as they pay homage to the Topps line.

Talking about why he personally connected with Garbage Pail Kids, Buff Monster makes a salient point on why these things were so memorable in the first place. 

“If you look at most trading cards, they are less than what they’re about. Having a baseball card is a ‘less than’ experience than watching the game. If you’re watching a baseball game in person, that’s great, but watching a baseball game on TV is actually better because you’ve got commentary, and you’ve got playback, and all this sort of stuff,” he tells us.

“But Garbage Pail Kids stand out because the art was made for the cards, so the card was the thing. The card wasn’t some sub-version of something else. It was the point of making the art in the first place. And so that has always stuck with me. And that is really kind of what it comes down to for me.”

Buff Monster’s The Melty Misfits stickers are a burgeoning phenomenon for the 2020s, just as Garbage Pail Kids were for the 1980s. It’s understandable that he is partnering with eBay for a special pack of The Melty Misfits, some of which will come packaged with a random “Golden Ticket” card that will entitle the recipient to have Buff Monster create a character of their choice. 

“This pack that we’re going to do is a nice little introduction to me and eBay working together,” he says. “This is a very easy thing for the completist to get. And that’s good.” 

It’s clear when talking to Buff Monster that Garbage Pail Kids continue to inspire. And the cards themselves feel more vibrant than ever, way more relevant today than the doll that inspired them in the first place. Case in point? Recent political and horror-themed Garbage Pail Kids sets (which are really one and the same when you think about it) have brought old fans back into the fold. 

Another example of booming Garbage Pail Kids interest is the 2017 documentary 30 Years of Garbage: The Garbage Pail Kids Story. The film’s writer and (with Jeff Zapata) co-director is Joe Simko, himself an accomplished artist and graphic designer who has worked on the card line and IDW’s spinoff Garbage Pail Kids comic, as well as his own series of The Sweet Rot graphic novels and his Cereal Killer trading cards. Simko vividly remembers when Garbage Pail Kids entered his life.

“I first discovered Garbage Pail Kids when I was 10 years old while riding the school bus. A couple of kids were sharing them,” Simko says. “It was the second series, and I just remember that artwork jumping out at me. Never had I seen such appetizing visuals on a trading card before. I knew instantly they were an attack on the highly successful Cabbage Patch Kids dolls, which dominated the kid’s market landscape at the time. Garbage Pail Kids were such a great middle-school kids protest to that cutesy Cabbage Patch world.”

Simko has been a part of Garbage Pail Kids lore since 2009, and during that time has given the Garbage Pail Kids treatment to everything from Stranger Things to Universal Monsters. “I think my favorite Garbage Pail Kids projects are the licensed product paintings I get to do,” he says. “For instance, the Garbage Pail Kids cereal for FYE was just so great to work on. Doing cereal box signings at the FYE pop-up shop during San Diego Comic-Con was an overwhelming experience. Greeting Garbage Pail Kids fans, when I too am a fan, is amazing.”

When I mention the brand’s longevity to Simko, he is quick to sum up their continued popularity. “Garbage Pail Kids have lasted this long due in part to the dedicated group of collectors who grew up on the series in the ’80s. Yes, there are younger kids buying them today, but the nostalgia it brings to those grown-up kids keeps the spirit and revenue of the Garbage Pail alive.”

Bringing things full circle, he also vindicated myself and everyone else who was ever frowned upon for appreciating the cards’ artistic merits.

“They are a true form of art. To pass judgement on them and reject these cards as ‘art’ because of the subject matter, is to have a narrow perspective of what art is,” Simko says. “Credit goes to the original creators of the Garbage Pail Kids cards during the 1980s, Art Spiegelman and Mark Newgarden. Art and Mark knew the ingredients to make GPK work. And of course the artists, John Pound, Tom Bunk, James Warhola, and Jay Lynch, were the ‘cooks.’ They made it taste and look perfectly gross. Without any of these creative minds, I believe Garbage Pail Kids would not be the success it became at the time.”

Despite being anchored to a fad from the 1980s, Garbage Pail Kids are ultimately timeless. Children of all ages will always take to the goofy grossness that is embedded in the line’s DNA. Nostalgia is a potent thing too, but as recent years have illustrated, Topps is always looking to evolve the IP, be it through virtual Garbage Pail Kids, high-end collectible figures, or just by continuing to bring in great artists to keep the bread and butter of the franchise—the card line—going strong. These Kids may be pushing 40, but in the heart of fans, they’ll never age.

Garbage Pail Kids eBay x Topps Exclusive 

The 10-card set created by Joe Simko is the first exclusive from eBay and Topps. Each card is representative of buying and selling on eBay. The set will be available for $19.99 on eBay for one week starting on August 10. 

The post Garbage Pail Kids At 35: The Kids Are Alright appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/30gkomP

[mostlysignssomeportents]

#15yrsago Cory responds to Wired Editor on DRM

Chris Anderson, the Editor-in-Chief of Wired Magazine, has responded to my blog-post in which I take issue with Wired's latest product-review magazine, which breathes hardly a mention of DRM even as it reviews devices that are all crapped up with studio-paranoia-generated restriction technology.

Chris takes a "middle ground" position that I've heard described as "radical centrism" -- his position is that the EFF's opposition to DRM is "idealistic" and that there is therefore a practical "reality" that is better suited to the world. I think it's a false dichotomy, and I'd like to have a little go at Chris's post here and see if I can show why:

Consumers want more content, easier-to-use technology, and cheaper prices. If some form of DRM encourages publishers, consumer electronics makers and retailers to release more, better and cheaper digital media and devices, that's not necessarily a bad thing. This is just being realistic: much as we might want it to be otherwise, content owners still call most of the shots. If a little protection allows them to throw their weight behind a lot of progress towards realizing the potential of digital media, consumers will see a net benefit.

This is the crux of the argument. It starts out by saying that DRM is protection. And protection makes Hollywood comfortable. And a comfortable Hollywood will release more material. And the more material there is, the cheaper it will get.

But all of those propositions are materially untrue. Start with "DRM is protection." DRM is not protection. There has never been a DRM-covered file that was kept off the Internet. Ever. DRM has never once in the history of the field kept a file from appearing online, or from being booted by organized crime pirates. Despite its rhetoric on this, Hollywood is perfectly aware of how bogus the DRM-is-protection claim is; any entertainment exec you put on this spot on this will retreat to a badly-thought-out mantra to the effect that "DRM is a speedbump, it's not meant to keep files off the Internet, it's meant to 'keep honest users honest.'" As Ed Felten has pointed out, keeping an honest user honest is like keeping a tall user tall. DRM may keep a naive user from buying a cheap DVD abroad and bringing it home, and it may make it possible to charge you for things that you used to get for free, like format-shifting, but it won't ever keep an honest user honest.

DRM isn't protection from piracy. DRM is protection from competition. If you believe that "much as we might want it to be otherwise, content owners still call most of the shots," then you believe that the guy who makes the record should get a veto over the design of the record player. That the film studios should be able to ban the VCR. That the recording industry should have been able to shove SDMI down all our throats and make MP3 disappear.

This is a profoundly ahistorical proposition. Never in the history of media from the dawn of the printing press right up to the invention of the DVD have we afforded this kind of privilege to incumbent rightsholders. Quite the contrary: at every turn, brave entrepreneurs have engaged in "piracy" of copyrighted works (through devices like the record player, radio, cable television and VCR) and kept at it until the law caught up with the technology.

It's different with the DVD. With the DVD, the electronics companies completely wimped out. They traded their customers to the studios for two packs of cigarettes, and the result has been a decade of stagnation in DVD players. There's no indication that movies are being released sooner or more cheaply on DVD than they were on VHS; and in fact, the release of movies on VHS was preceded by incredible, absurd hyperbole about the video-cassette's inevitable destruction of the film industry and the complete impossibility of a movie ever being released by a studio for viewing on your VCR.

If you believe that "content owners still call most of the shots" then you believe that the studios will make movies and just not release them, they will amass a great pile of unreleased material in their Hollywood vaults and sit before the doors, arms folded, glaring at the world until it arranges itself into a more accomodating configuration. It is ridiculous. DRM hasn't convinced the studios to put new material online -- the offerings that the studios have put online are a pathetic shadow of the material one can download from the P2P networks. The studios have all the DRM in the universe at their disposal, but they're not using it to bring new material to market.

Nope, they're using it to sell you the same crap for more money. Chris loves his Microsoft Media Center PC, "essentially a DVR on steroids" -- at least, he loves it so far. That's because he hasn't been bitten on the ass by it yet, like this guy, who bought a Media Center PC so that he could catch the Sopranos and burn them to DVD. When he bought the PC, it was capable of doing that. Halfway through the season, the studios reached into his living room and broke his PC, disabling the feature that allowed him to burn his Sopranos episodes to DVD. And if you got suckered into letting your cable company give you a "free" PVR, you've got a nasty shock coming this season: your episodes of Six Feet Under will delete themselves from your hard drive after two weeks, whether you've gotten around to watching them or not.

If you want to watch all the Sopranos or Six Feet Unders in a row at the end of the season, you'll have to do it on Pay Per View. You'll have to buy what you used to get for free: the right to record a show and watch it for as long as you'd like. You get less, you pay more. And the studios can change the rules of the game after you've bought the box and brought it home: the only way you can protect your investment is if you can somehow ensure that no studio executive decides to revoke one of the features you paid for back when the box was on the show-room floor. Remember, these are the same studio execs who are duking it out for the right to limit how long a pause button can work for.

Chris likes the iTunes Music Store, calling it a success, but it's got the same problems as the Media Center and all the other DRM devices. The record labels can demand that Apple selectively break your music player, removing features based on secret negotiations, long after you've made your purchases. Apple will even force "updates" on you that remove features that you've chosen to add to your device, shutting you out of listening to your own music on the player you shelled out good money for.

The problem is that once your device vendor sells you out to the studios, they're 0wned. The studios' protection racket lets them demand practically anything from a device vendor -- check out "selectable output control" for some truly heinous world-domination horseshit.

So, Chris, that's why I disagree with your "realistic" notion:

There's no reason to believe that DRM makes more content available

There's no reason to let the studios "call the shots" -- we haven't before this

There's no reason to believe that DRM makes media cheaper, quite the contrary

The features that make your "reasonable" DRM palatable to the market today can and are rescinded tomorrow

If I were in Chris's seat, I would be sure that every single review of a DRM device carried the following notice: WARNING: THIS DEVICE'S FEATURES ARE SUBJECT TO REVOCATION WITHOUT NOTICE, ACCORDING TO TERMS SET OUT IN SECRET NEGOTIATIONS. YOUR INVESTMENT IS CONTINGENT ON THE GOODWILL OF THE WORLD'S MOST PARANOID, TECHNOPHOBIC ENTERTAINMENT EXECS. THIS DEVICE AND DEVICES LIKE IT ARE TYPICALLY USED TO CHARGE YOU FOR THINGS YOU USED TO GET FOR FREE -- BE SURE TO FACTOR IN THE PRICE OF BUYING ALL YOUR MEDIA OVER AND OVER AGAIN. AT NO TIME IN HISTORY HAS ANY ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY GOTTEN A SWEET DEAL LIKE THIS FROM THE ELECTRONICS PEOPLE, BUT THIS TIME THEY'RE GETTING A TOTAL WALK. HERE, PUT THIS IN YOUR MOUTH, IT'LL MUFFLE YOUR WHIMPERS. Link

https://boingboing.net/2004/12/29/cory-responds-to-wir.html

[moomingitz]

If you wrote a fake Sonic Boom episode with your Sonic Boom version of Chris Thorndyke in it what would it be about?

I have entertained the idea of a satirical episode about piracy:

Sonic and his friends are excited to watch a screening of their favorite movie until they learn the studio of ‘said movie was not only bought out by a bigger corporation, but now the movie and many others they like have been taken out of circulation from both theaters and home video. They go to Amy’s house and try to watch the movie with an old copy but it’s seen better days and doesn’t play at all. The movie is not on a streaming service and even if it was the internet service is terrible where they live and there the streaming service market is flooded. They can’t even listen to any music because Amy’s records, tapes, and discs are beginning to deteriorate. Tails can’t even open and use a program he already has on his computer, seeing it now switched to a monthly subscription service and the version he had was disabled by the company after forcing an update on him.

There’s a knock at the door and they’re greeted by Chris(who normally tries to avoid them for reasons) deadpan telling Sonic to tell Sticks to stop placing buckets of water around his shed and that he’s not alien for the tenth time. Chris learns all of the misfortunes that just happened to Sonic and his friends so far that night. He offers to use the film and music equipment he has on hand and with help from Tails to digitally transfer all their movies and music CDs for them. On top of that, he helps Tails crack the program and get around the monthly subscription bullshit it now goes by.

The next day Dave tries to play some video games with Chris but the console is starting to get worn down and it either plays the games like shit or can’t play them at all. They try to play something on the computer but Dave lost the DMR codes for his computer games. Chris offers to help Dave rip the ROMS from his video games and do the same thing for his computer games and completely bypass the DRM.

Sonic and his friends, and Dave, start sharing all of the media Chris helped them digital transfer or rip online. A fuck ton of people download it, and in return also share it with other people online and it explodes from there.

People in the movie, TV, music, and other media, industries inevitably take notice, and the reactions and opinions very. Tommy Thunder, Justin Beaver, and Dixon, are not very happy because it’s cutting into their massive prophets because now they can’t afford things like the super-duper deluxe private jets and have to settle for the super deluxe ones. Comedy Chimp and Vector are at first weary of the rise of piracy, until Comedy Chimp see’s older films of his that bombed are having new life breathed into them due to the exposure they’ve been getting from people illegally downloading them offline, and Vector see’s old episodes of his show that were believed to be lost in a fire start surfacing online from people who recorded them when they originally aired. T.W. Barker starts taking advantage of the whole by selling poor quality bootleg copies of movies and shitty ROM hack video game carts. The Lightning Bolt Society start up a ROM and emulator sharing website and several more pop up right after.

Studios and corporations begin to become not only more strict on what people can and cannot do with the media they buy from them, but it gets to draconian levels. Sonic buys a new music cassette and tries to listen to it with his friends, but an exec shows up and slaps it out his hands before he can and informs Sonic that each of his friends need to pay a fee if they also want to listen to it. Same thing happens when Dave tries to play a video game with Chris.

Things eventually come to a head when Eggman starts attacking the village, angry over not only all of his videos being hit with DMCAs and copyright strikes, but a livestream of his even being taken down because a popular song could be heard very, very, very faintly in the background.

All the while Chris is nervously sweating watching all of the shit going down around him, and how he never intended for his simple gestures of kindness to lead to things getting so out of hand.

[aelia-likes-monsters]

I'm doing a project for school about how the fires (specifically the kincade fire) are affecting people and businesses. I am focusing specifically on pg&e's negligence. We are business students and we're hoping to be the sorts of people who help businesses avoid doing this kind of shit. What do you want me to make sure that people really understand? Or even just raising awareness. I live far away so too many of my classmates are just brushing the whole thing off :/

If you want more in-depth information you should look a little further back in time at the 2017 fires. The Tubbs fires started just South of where the Kincade fire is now burning, and were the worst fires on record for their time. That record was broken by the 2018 fires, especially the Camp fire. PG&E has been a privately owned utility since they started, and since their inception, they’ve been negligent. They poisoned groundwater with hexavalent chromium (the basis of the movie Erin Brokovich is based on their actions), blew up San Bruno, have now burned Sonoma County twice, burned down the entire city of Paradise and numerous other small towns, etc. (Check the Wiki for the full list of their PUBLIC crimes.) 

(While I was researching all of this I was also reminded of the brownouts we had in the early 2000s when the utility grid couldn’t support everyone so they rolled outages through the state. Yep.) 

At its core, this is largely about the fact that because it is a privately owned utility they sold stock. They had investors. And they put the pay/bonuses of the executives, the stock dividends, and profits above safety. For decades. They’ve been negligent for decades. Our infrastructure is failing because they didn’t do their jobs because of the way they’ve chosen to spend their money. (They paid investors instead of trimming trees, for example, and execs tried to give themselves $16,000,000 in bonuses to bribe themselves to do their jobs instead of paying out to the people whose homes/lives they’ve destroyed.)

They’ve filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy twice in the last couple decades (largely due to the suits they’ve faced for liability due to damage/death they’ve caused.) 

They’ve diverted money meant to be spent on burying the high voltage transmission lines to other projects and/or left it unspent.

Their solution to the fact that their infrastructure is garbage is this “PSPS” (Planned Safety Power Shutdown) system which has unreliable, inconsistent information. They turn off power in “at risk” areas for days at a time with no exact time for them to turn it back on. It impacts millions of people, puts disabled people at extra risk, complicates evacuations when fires do start, and hurts poor people who can’t afford to replace lost food. ALL this does is alleviate them of liability when fires start. It doesn’t help anything or anyone else. It’s a horrible solution. (A bandaid on a bullet wound is the analogy that has come to mind.) 

And the 2019 fires? The ones burning right now? They’re started by PG&E too, despite the outage. 

PG&E as it exists cannot continue. It’s too large, too unsafe, too broken.  Now, I’m in an odd position relative to many other Californians because I’m a member of the IBEW and many Linemen and Utility Workers who are employed by PG&E are also members of the IBEW. I know that this is a good Union job that pays our bills, gives us benefits, pensions, etc. I want to see them (the workers) hold onto all of that, while I also want to see the executives and the company itself held accountable for the deaths and destruction they’ve caused. 

If you want to talk more, please feel free to message me. I’ve infodumped a lot here, but I hope it helps people get a better picture of what’s going on.    

[ckret2]

Okay time for some Actual Thoughts about Detective Pikachu, particularly the villain. Spoilers below.

In This Essay I Will compare and contrast the game’s villain to the movie’s villain, explain why I like one better than the other, and then talk about something that bugs me about both and tbh about a lot of action movie villains.

I liked the movie villain more than the game villain, for one specific reason: I thought the game villain’s motive was dumb for the game. Not dumb overall for a villain to have, but dumb for him.

Quick overview of the game villain: this hotshot rising star in a news station has been secretly using a chemical to make Pokémon go berserk; and every time they do, he just so happens to have a couple of his reporters on the scene, to cover the carnage. A couple years ago the station was sinking fast. Since he’s joined—and since they’ve started airing broadcasts about Pokémon going berserk—the once-struggling station has flourished. Now, they’ve got an exclusive deal to cover a huge Pokémon parade... where the station exec is planning to unleash a monstrous supply of this chemical, sending every Pokémon in the parade on a rampage.

Why, you ask, is he doing this? If you said, “Because he’s a corrupt, sleazy exec, who’s manufacturing emergencies and sending people to record them to boost the station’s reputation and make himself rich,” you’d be wrong!!

No, he wants to take over the world. Sssomehow.

It’s over-the-top, it’s out of nowhere, and it doesn’t line up with what he’s actually been doing the whole game. He hasn’t even taken over the station yet, and we’re supposed to believe he wants to take over the world?

And it’s unsatisfying. The fun from taking a villain down comes from stopping them just before (or even just after) the culmination of their master plan. We stop the exec just before he ruins the parade and films it all. If his goal were to make his station rich and famous by filming disasters, then we would have narrowly thwarted his master plan! Except, it turns out, it wasn’t his master plan after all. It was step 1 in his 20-step master plan. We thwarted his ambitions before they could even get started. He was nowhere near taking over the world when we stopped him. Where’s the satisfaction in that?

In contrast, take the movie’s villain: the father of the aforementioned news station exec. (The station exec who gets framed in the movie, to great effect. I’d suspected the dad was lying, but I’d thought he and his kid were in cahoots—I did not catch on to the sunglasses. brilliant.) He’s a rich idealist futurist, kinda Tesla-esque in a way—he struts about boasting about grand ideas for the future and throws a lot of money at making them happen. The city that practically the whole movie takes place in is in fact his own pet project. It’s so much his personal project that visitors to the city are treated to a video of him talking about how and why he made the city: it was a response to his concerns about his own ailing health, and it was a realization of his dreams to bring humans and Pokémon together in a way they never had before.

When we find out his master villainous plot, what is it? It’s both a response to his concerns about his own ailing health, and a realization of his dreams to bring humans and Pokémon together in a way they never had before.

The motivations line up perfectly. Everything we need to understand what he’s doing—from the method itself to the breathtaking scale of it—is presented in the little promo video where he talks about his utopian city. It doesn’t show you what’s going to happen, but once you know, you can see how it was coming. Ryme City is step 1 in his master plan. Fusing humans and Pokémon is step 20.

The method also perfectly fits his character. The game villain? Not so much. A TV exec should have a TV exec’s evil plan, not a burgeoning dictator’s. What kind of evil plan would an unhinged idealistic billionaire have? Something unhinged, and idealistic, and expensive.

In real life, you might see the absurdly rich postulate that the solution to starvation and disease is spreading to Mars rather than paying their own lowest-level employees enough to eat and go to the doctor, or that the solution to traffic is self-driving cars instead of having less cars on the road to slow each other down. The movie’s villain sees a problem—the frailty of humanity, the sickness and weakness that comes with disease and aging—and, instead of solving the problem in a mundane but realistic way, like pouring more funding into health care, he reaches for a lofty, flashy, futuristic ~Solution To Everything~: human/Pokémon gene therapy—no!—human/Pokémon FUSION!! And, just like similar flashy futurist plans from the absurdly rich in real life: it’s not a solution that anybody asked for; it either solves a problem too far outside normal people’s real lives for them to care about or else doesn’t do a thing to solve any real problem at all; and the rich dude with the funds to make it happen is going to pursue making it happen anyway, whether or not anybody wants it.

(To be fair to irl useless billionaires, at least self-driving cars and spaceships don’t actively directly ruin anybody’s lives like fusing humans with animals would, and in fact are actually cool if you don’t think about all the things not being done with that money; but then, irl useless billionaires aren’t over-the-top movie supervillains, so the point is moot.)

His motive makes perfect sense, character-wise. The scope and shape of his plan fit perfectly within the type of character he’s been presented as. Unlike the game villain, the movie villain is thematically cohesive. He’s MUCH better put together.

... Except, the thing is, his evil plan is “make a bunch of Pokémon at a parade go berserk with Mewtwo’s genes, put Mewtwo itself in a berserk state with its own genes, and use this berserk state to control Mewtwo and then use Mewtwo to dissolve humans and put them into Pokémon bodies to pilot, which is, apparently, a power that Mewtwo, just, has.”

And it’s all kind of... silly.

In contrast? The grand plan of the game villain—not taking over the world, but what he was actually doing—was “make a bunch of Pokémon at a parade go berserk with Mewtwo’s genes... and put the incident on the news. Eventually build up to conquering the world from there.”

It kind of makes a lot more sense. Like, it’s a very workable plan. It doesn’t rely on giving Mewtwo supernatural powers that go beyond the scope of the drugs-and-gene-splicing we’ve seen in the movie up until now—venturing out of sci-fi into what looks like straight up magic. Sure, the plan fits the villain, but it’s... a bit too much.

That’s the thing that bugs me the most about both villains—and, quite honestly, a lot of other villains in a lot of other movies. By all means, villains SHOULD be over the top, they SHOULD pose a big threat, and they SHOULD be at their most dangerous during the climax; but if the rest of the movie has been about elevating the threat from 1 to 20, and then at the end instead of more naturally jacking the threat up to 40 or even to 100 it blasts off to 1000, it’s... it’s a bit disproportionate, you know? “This villain has been all about drugging Pokémon and filming them, because that’s what he does, he’s a TV exec... but now he wants to take over the world, that’s a bit much, isn’t it?” “This villain is a big, powerful billionaire who’s channeled normal fear of aging/death and love of human/Pokémon companionship into an overzealous Pokémon gene therapy project with a dangerous drug byproduct... but now he’s magically sticking humans in Pokémon bodies, that’s a bit much, isn’t it?”

It’s not just a problem with Detective Pikachu. The first time I can recall going “isn’t that a bit much?” at a movie was with Iron Man: the main villain, for most of the movie, was a greedy sleazy corporate exec who was making immoral business deals behind the hero’s back and alternating between trying to get the hero killed and trying to get him kicked out of his own company so that greedy exec could take over it. Buuut at the end of the movie, after very carefully keeping his hands clean and keeping himself coldly distant from all the violence he’s helping perpetuate, suddenly he’s ready to climb into a double-sized Iron Man suit and brawl with the hero directly? Instead of, as he did the rest of the movie, paying some mercenary to fight his fight for him? Isn’t that a bit much?

I get that the urge is there to go for the biggest possible threat they can squeeze out of their villain. But there are a lot of movies where it feels like, in the final act, the threat is disproportionately large, or fantastical, or out of character for the villain they’ve written and the story they’ve told. The biggest possible threat feels unwieldy if it’s bigger than the story that they’re telling.

I wouldn’t mind a few less explosions and slow-motion punches and previously hands-off villains who are suddenly inexplicably fighting their own battles, if in return it meant less action movies and the like where it feels like in the last twenty minutes the villain and/or villainous plan have suddenly been replaced by something a couple orders of magnitude bigger and grander than what we’d been following up until then.

[sol1056]

git along little nonnies

Got a whole bunch of you on related themes, so I’m just gonna do this all at once: a bunch of questions about DW, spinoffs, merchandise, business, management, support (and protest) and whatnot. In no particular order.

Ok there are petitions and peaceful boycotts directed at DW but problem is they aren’t addressing the EPs and things they, not DW, did so how are we to sign them, how to handle this when this could at best confuse the situation and not give any results and at worst, make matters even worse about what we want regarding DW addressing things? 

Here’s what companies care about: money. Everything else is gravy.

If you want a corporation to pay attention to your complaints, then you need to figure out their sources of income, and find a way to threaten that. If the social reprobation is high enough, damage to the brand can translate into lost sales, but the tempest required to make that happen must be much, much larger than anything I’ve seen the fandom manage. 

I’ve been saying this all along: voices are far more powerful than signatures. If twenty thousand people wrote or called in, and said what they liked vs what upset them, that would have a far greater impact. Certainly a lot more than a list of names with no emotion beyond a request that may not even be something DW can, or would, fulfill.  

And don’t even get me started on mailing stuff in. Cute, but hardly actionable.  

Do you know what kind of contracts DW sign, as in, are they obligated to air all seasons, can they choose not to air them, do the companies they work with (netflix, wep) have a say or more say than them? Who gets the last word? Is airing all seasons squarely on DW or more? 

As I’m not a corporate lawyer employed by any of the signatories, I can’t tell you what the contract stipulated. What I can tell you is that a contract of the magnitude of the DW-WEP-Netflix agreement probably had a dissertation worth of riders covering the different types of possible defaults or breaches, and the penalties for each. Additionally, the contract also likely covered what constituted ‘satisfactory delivery’ of the product. 

To take it down to a really simple level: you place an order at a restaurant. You expect to get it, eat it, and pay for it. You don’t expect to be told, “hey, we burnt your steak and we’re out of butter for your sweet potatoes, so have some green beans instead,” and then be told you still owe the full amount, anyway. 

Netflix wouldn’t settle for ordering (and paying for) something never delivered, anymore than you would. Sure, any corporation worth their over-inflated stock options would try --- but that’s the point of contracts, to make sure they can’t. 

Netflix paid, DW delivers, end of story.  

 ...do you think ppl in charge didn't think EPs would tell they made changes and also thought they'd manage to bury it? And then they got in trouble and DW is going thru changes for that reason? -waves at DW goings on and silence.

I got lost in all the pronouns, there. Who’s the first ‘they,’ the EPs or DW execs? Is the second ‘they’ referring to the same as the first? So... I’m not really sure what you’re positing, but if the ‘DW is going through changes’ is implying DW’s got a shakeup and/or is promoting its head-of-TV to president and that’s somehow connected to two newbie EPs screwing up?

I’d say the chances are so infinitesimal as to be nearly in the negative. (I should also note, the press release listed successful shows Cohn oversaw, yet oddly did not include VLD.) DW is not a three-person start up; it has stakeholders and a board and a C-suite to satisfy. Cohn got that promotion ‘cause she’s got a track record going back thirty years, most recently growing DW’s TV division from 8 to 800 in five years. 

Most corporations tend to announce their new CEO or President like someone woke up that morning and went, hey, I’ve got a great idea. Truth is, it’s usually in the works for at least a year, sometimes several years, or more. The only thing that has me side-eyeing the announcement is the silence around who’ll fill Cohn’s previous position. 

But that’s again less to do with a single series, and more to do with what it says about DW as a whole, business-wise. 

What meaningful changes could the new president Margie Cohn make that would be different than the last one? Also I'm sorry if your getting a bunch of Voltron/DW questions lately, you just seem to be the most knowledgeable person on this platform.

I’d be willing to bet I’m far from the most knowledgeable person; I’m just someone not bound by an NDA, and curious enough to do a bit of digging and jaded enough to talk about (most) of what I find. 

A president can have immense impact on a company’s direction; that’s kinda why they exist, to set that high-level strategy. That said, Cohn will be bound by all contracts signed by her predecessor. The TV side (barring someone filling the shoes she left) will probably continue as it was. The theatrical side (which she’s taking over) will be where we’ll probably see any major changes. 

And even those aren’t likely to be on films currently in production. Hell, given theatrical animation can take up to five years, I’m not sure that’d show much change, either. Look instead to changes in investors, new deals, and new properties. 

What do you think DW will do about a sequel if there’s really no bible? Theres tons of plot holes & abandoned storylines. VLD will never feel satisfying, and fans already argued with different interpretations based on conflicting content, without a nice satisfying explanation...

I know this is the first of a three-part ask, but I’m skipping the rest because the only answer possible is to your very first question: the bible doesn’t matter. 

Any new series --- even a continuation --- will construct its own bible. Same as we’d do in fandom: they’ll patch together what they can, fill in blanks as they need, and gloss the rest, or retcon it outright. Even if there were a bible, diligently followed, that doesn’t mean the next series is automatically beholden to it. Some franchises would care (ie Star Wars) while others might let a reboot mess with the details (ie Star Trek). 

For every continuation, there’s gradations in between, since otherwise what’s the interest for creative minds, if you’re obligated to follow someone else’s script exactly? So, no. The absence of a story bible doesn’t preclude the next iteration making its own, as it needs, to whatever extent it requires. 

I was wandering around the hot topic online store, and i noticed a shirt that raised a few flags and questions. it's the 'Voltron Location' shirt. it has all the paladins in different places in a star globe chart thing? with what might possibly be planet designations. plus Lance is the only one not inside his blue colored bubble. Keith is in Red and Shiro in Black again. it's interesting at least.

Nearly all the shirts use the same base images, just changed up. It feels a little like someone handed a designer a half-dozen images with a request for forty-something designs --- and now HT is just throwing them all at the wall to see what sticks (or sells). 

HT’s stuff has been pretty consistent, from what I’ve heard: Shiro is Black, Keith is Red, etc. Considering the t-shirts seem to be selling out regularly (along with various other sidelines), I’d say someone is savvy as to the fact that the segment of fandom spending the most money is also the segment that prefers the S1/S2 lineup. 

If that’s what customers want, it’s smart business for DW to provide.

(Yes, that applies on more than one level.)

There are VLD comic books being released by LionForge Comics, are those considered canon? Do LM and JDS have any involvement? They take place before Season 7and8 but I don't wanna support the original EPs.

Every fandom has its own stand on what counts as canon. Sometimes (especially with adaptations) you’ll find fandoms being explicit as to whether they’re book or movie (ie HP and LotR). I expect the same will eventually shake out in VLD’s fandom, too. 

From everything I’ve heard, Hedrick and Iverson were handed the comics and ran with it. I suppose that would argue for seeing the comics as canon, being they were written by people also writing the main series... but from what I can tell, it’s one-way. The show affected the comics, but nothing in the comics ever affected the series.

That said, your purchases have nothing to do with the original EPs. All you’re doing is telling DW you like the VLD-iteration of Voltron.

What are your thoughts on the final vld poster? I feel like it’s missing the end. Allura is randomly staring back into nothing.

It’s a clever idea to do a poster for each season, but it’s not something I’ve ever paid any attention to, really. If it were drawn by the head writer? That might mean the artist had more insight than, say, a storyboarder or animator. But even then... cool picture, still not-canon. I’m only interested in canon.

Do you think that Voltron was rushed purposely by the EP's. [...] Wouldn't this effect the quality of, well, everything? I feel as if they got frustrated with the show at that point and just wanted out.

Dude. There are times I sit here and just stare into space, bewildered yet again not just at the thought of 39 episodes released in one year --- but doing that with 26 as a last-minute cut-and-paste rearrangement. All I can tell you is that what I’ve seen from animation people and aficionados (and friends) is that three full seasons in one calendar year is just bonkers. 

If DW hadn’t wanted the schedule that packed, the EPs aren’t the ones getting the say. That’s a DW-Netflix thing. I really wonder whether DW used VLD as a guinea pig. TH went a year between S1 and S2, and the numbers slumped badly. Perhaps DW wanted to know if more episodes, more often, would keep fan interest high? DW has experienced execs, but they’re all from broadcast; how you arrange and time things in the brave new world of binge-watching is a completely different beast. 

So, it’s possible it was less of a rush job to get the show out, and more from a desire to see what'd happen to release so much, so close together. 

I still think it’s a bonkers schedule, though.

"Relaunch the whole property" sounds like they won't continue expanding the whole vld universe and they'll make a new itineration. Though if they do a spin-off it'd likely be on the vld universe surrounding the new "Legendary Defenders" from the epilogue. And "especially given the response" do you think after the negative response from s8, wouldn't be better for WEP to not keep working with Dreamworks? Or maybe they need to clean their brand from vld fiasco? What can you say about all of this?

I can say you might try re-reading, because boy is that a radical interpretation of the text. Remember, Jeremy was speaking before S8, and all indication is that he was caught off-guard as much as the fans. Re-read in light of Jeremy (at the time) appearing to expect S8 to be a crowd-pleaser.   

...I'm becoming more confident in my belief that DW has something planned for Voltron. I mean they are still heavily promoting the show, LionForge is still publishing Voltron comics, and merchandise is still being made. These don't seem like the actions of a company trying to get people to forget a show. 

You’re not wrong. Up to the last few days of 2018, DW gave every indication they wanted S8 quietly buried. Nothing they’ve done since has fit that pattern --- including the anomaly of failing to announce their 2019 series. Something is going on, that’s for certain. 

Did DW really just throw the VAs to the wolves [for] three days? and there's still no official stance? One panel was enough. They had [the VAs] take the heat for them? But thankfully fans felt sorry for them? Which could also have been the goal, shut the fans up [with] the VAs of the characters who got the worst treatment and who love their characters ... Yes DW this really makes me trust you /sarcasm/

I don’t think that was the original plan. Let’s pretend DW released its 2019 schedule via press release in the first few days of January, and among those was an announcement of a VLD sequel or spinoff, coming late 2019. 

People wouldn’t be fussing over putting the VAs through three panels. They’d be complaining we didn’t get the biggest room for every panel. The majority of the fandom doesn’t trust the EPs, and is wary of DW --- really, the only ones who retain any goodwill, at this point, are the VAs. So who better than to assure a nervous fandom about the goodness of the second iteration than the VAs whose characters were most shafted by the first iteration?

What breaks this is that immediately after S8 dropped, Josh and Kimberly went silent on twitter. AJ slipped into passive-aggressive snarking; Jeremy fell off the radar and usually he’s pretty interactive with his fans. Bex pretty much wiped  VLD from her stream, possibly including deleting older tweets. Neil tried to engage and made a hash of it, bless his heart. 

Josh and Kimberly are consummate professionals who reliably promote the series after every season drop, but their radio silence continued for almost two weeks. This wasn’t the first season that came saddled with controversy; if there was a time to go quiet, it was after S7. Something else was going on. 

I have strong suspicions backed by research, but if I’m right, I’d be stepping on a major legal landmine. In the interest of not getting blown up, I’ll only say that the VAs appearing for those three panels (and their low-key and mostly diplomatic hedging around VLD’s conclusion) was a good sign that all parties involved are willing to work things out.   

[DW was] quick to handle the Season 7 backlash and have stayed mum on what is arguably a much worse reaction to the 8th and final season.

and

I believe the S8 of voltron we got was not the original ending we were supposed to get and highly edited. My question is why? What was the point of changing the original ending? [The] radio silence from DW and the cast is driving me nuts. I wish DW would make a statement.

DW is in an interesting place. Its TV side is barely five years old, but dominated by execs with long-time broadcast experience, predating vibrant interactivity afforded by platforms like twitter, tumblr, or instagram. DW’s background as a theatrical company also seems to incline it away from any ongoing engagement with the audience. It releases a movie and by the time that hits theaters, DW is onto the next thing. 

It’s a strong contrast with production studios like Zagtoon (Miraculous), who penned an open letter to their fandom about production delays. Or little studios like Wonderstorm (The Dragon Prince) whose deft use of twitter and tumblr sets their brand apart. Or Federator (Castlevania), with their witty marketing campaigns and willingness to engage with fans. Even Disney was willing to be open about its errors with Tiana, and to make clear how it was striving to do better --- so there’s no excuse that only small studios do such outreach.

My guess is that DW's core leadership is from the school of business in which admitting a mistake is tantamount to ritual suicide. Don’t blink first, or maybe the rule is never let them see you sweat, but whatever it is, DW is turning into a textbook case of how silence can damage a brand. 

Companies have multiple avenues to reach customers directly, now. Our modern technologies are a two-way street, and good companies leverage that to create not passive fandoms but active communities. It takes work, careful planning, and some level of transparency --- something old-school execs find highly uncomfortable, to be honest --- but in this day and age, those are crucial building-blocks to achieving any kind of audience loyalty.

DW isn’t going to render itself obsolete (at least not overnight), but it's on a track to end up as the studio whose work audiences only watch when there’s nothing better being offered. Unfortunately for DW, there’s a hell of a lot of other studios out there, and they're all offering something better. 

[amplesalty]

Day 20 - Dead Rising: Endgame (2016)

Welllllllllllll he aint my boy but the brother is heavy Gave away my possessions and moved into a Chevy van

Ah, Dead Rising. One of my favourite gaming franchises of the past decade or so and one of the main reasons I picked up the Xbox 360 around the winter time of 2007. It's a glorious depiction of boyish fantasy violence, having you run all over fighting off zombies with anything you can lay your hands on (from firearms, to park benches, to samurai swords) whilst drawing massive inspiration from George A. Romero's Dawn of the Dead. Legally speaking though, totally separate entities with disclaimers in the game and on the box saying it had not been developed or approved by the team behind Dawn of the Dead. Being developed by Capcom over in Japan though, it has that certain sort of distinct feel to it that you only get with weird, obscure Japanese games like Earth Defense Force.

Many years and sequels down the line, online streaming service Crackle decide to jump on board by making their own original movie based on the property. My primary relation to Crackle over here in the UK was them having the Dilbert animated series on their service. Outside of that, I don't recall watching anything on it. Then it closed down 4/5 years ago.

The first movie, Dead Rising: Watchtower, focuses on reporter Chase Carter and his efforts to document and survive another zombie outbreak, this time in East Mission, Oregon. Though, it does feature series favourite Frank West popping up from time to time as a talking head, played by Rob Riggle. He’s covered wars, you know.

In Watchtower, the US military is running a false flag operation designed to start the outbreak so they can usher in state mandated chip implants to monitor the infected who haven't quite turned yet. Through the wonderdrug Zombrex, they're able to stave off turning so long as they have an injection every 24 hours. With this new chip though, the daily injections aren't necessary.

Cut to Endgame and a discredited Chase, whose story from the first movie was shot down by those in power. He ends up on the end when he sneaks into a secret meeting between General Lyons and Skinner, who is collecting survivors for the army to supply to one of their scientists, Leo Rand. Supposedly working on a cure, we soon find out that Lyons has a much darker plan in mind. Rather than risk another potential outbreak, he intends to flick the switch and remotely kill all 1.5m people who had the Zombrex chip implanted in them. If there's no one left with the virus, then the virus dies, right? The needs of the many and all that...

So Chase and his gang are off to put a stop to the whole thing by breaking into and shutting down the computer mainframe behind Project Afterlife. It's all very Terminator 2 meets The Walking Dead, they even have a former exec of the pharmecutical company behind Zombrex on their team, much like they had Miles Dyson along for the ride in T2.

It's a fairly dull affair on the whole, sparked up only by the odd action scene along the way. Paying homage to the combo weapon game mechanic introduced in Dead Rising 2, there's a whole scene where the gang lose their gear and have to put together some makeshift weapons.

Chase puts together a sledgesaw looking weapon, one of the trademark weapons of DR3 (which gets a brief cameo in the movie as someone is seen playing it) and the scene of Chase fighting off zombies on an escalator using it is one of the highlights of the film.

Otherwise, it's just a generic zombie-cum-rebel story. It drops characters in with virtually no introduction, like Jimmy Jacobs looking Garth here. They make a point of name dropping Chuck Greene, protaganist of DR2, but he shows up for about 30 seconds at the end of the movie.

The movie lacks that certain level of cheese or quirkiness that you want from something relating to Dead Rising. The early games especially had these memorable, over the top villains in the form of the psychos; Adam the clown, chasing you down with his dual mini-chainsaws, Steven the supermarket manager who attacks you with a shopping trolley with spikes on it or the escaped inmates tryin to run you down in their truck with a turret on the back. Here though, your antagonists are the generic hired goon Skinner or the very straight faced Lyons. At least Watchtower had some exageratted villain types like Logan or Pyro.

The movie hints at another sequel but it doesn't seem forthcoming. Even the future seems bleak for the game series with Dead Rising 4 coming out just before Christmas 2016 and we've not heard anything since on a follow up. Developer Capcom Vancouver, who have put out all the main line games since except the first, got shut down earlier this year. I suppose it's always possible Capcom might do something with it but the only zombie thing they seemed focused on is re-releasing Resident Evil 4 everytime a new system is release, ranging from PS2 to PS4 and all manner of things inbetween. It's due on Switch next year and, according to Wikipedia, it even came out on the Zeebo...what in the blue hell is a Zeebo?!