#mostly so i can make myself an idea on how to describe her (bc in general I'm terrible at explaining character personalities

[fettery-fetterie]

I have so many feelings about teo rn you have no idea

[helloalycia]

𝐀 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐕𝐎𝐘𝐀𝐆𝐄 [𝐎𝐍𝐄] — 𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐀 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐓

two / masterlist / wattpad

summary: when you're invited to help film a documentary about the lost island of Yamatai, you don't expect to be fighting for your life against the natives – with your old crush from university of all people.

warning/s: mentions of violence, assault, death, ship crash, guns, paranormal stuff and basically anything the first Tomb Raider game involved lol.

author's note: so i recently replayed the tomb raider games and naturally felt the need to write a little fic for 2013 Lara bc she's a cutie who deserved the world, and thus this was born!

It's a two parter and follows the storyline from the first game and part of the comics (no need to have read them if you haven't, it's all explained within the story and pretty easy to follow). Hope you enjoy! 🥰

I glanced around the dock, spotting the Endurance instantly, it looking just as Sam, my university classmate, described to me.

We'd met during our Film degree, where we'd worked together enough times to appreciate the partnership. When she called me up last minute to help film a documentary for TV with celebrity archaeologist Dr. Whitman, I knew I couldn't resist.

"Can I help you, miss?" a man asked as I lingered by the ship, staring up at it in awe.

"I– sorry, yes," I said with a sheepish smile, "I'm looking for Samantha Nishimura? I'm supposed to be meeting her–"

"Y/N! You're here!"

I looked behind the fisherman and spotted Sam standing on the Endurance, waving down at me enthusiastically. I smiled widely, returning her wave, before excusing myself from the man and lugging my suitcase up the ramp to meet her. As soon as I stepped foot on the ship, she pulled me in for a hug.

"I'm so glad you made it," she said excitedly. "You look great!"

I chuckled, always finding her American accent paired with her natural enthusiasm refreshing. "I said I would, didn't I? I'm grateful you called, Sam. Can't say I've been on a ship before." 

"And here's me thinking you were excited to be working with me again," she retorted sarcastically.

"Always," I assured her, making her roll her eyes playfully.

"C'mon, I wanna introduce you to everyone," she said, already dragging me by the hand to the other side of the deck.

I pulled my suitcase clumsily behind me, glad when she stopped before a familiar face who was staring out at the sea by the railing.

"Lara, Y/N's here," Sam called to her friend.

Lara turned around and I found myself smiling without meaning to. Lara Croft was Sam's best friend and we'd met on a few occasions prior to this, mostly at university when Sam and I would hang out or she'd invite me to their shared flat. I always found her fascinating, an adorably awkward and quiet girl who I couldn't help but fancy just a little bit, but she didn't need to know that. I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited to be working with her again.

"Y/N, hello," Lara greeted me with a nervous smile, the complete opposite to Sam. "How have you been?"

"Hey, Lara, I've been good, thanks," I said with a nod. "Just excited to be here is all. Sam mentioned you're helping out with the research for Dr. Whitman's documentary, that's pretty huge."

Cheeks dusting pink, Lara shrugged bashfully. "Not sure it's huge, but–”

"Oh, be quiet," Sam shushed her instantly, before shooting me a look. "This was mostly her idea. She's gonna nail it.”

"I don't doubt it," I agreed with a laugh, finding Lara's shyness endearing.

"C'mon, I'll introduce you to the others," Sam said with a slight nudge. "And I'll show you your room."

"Sounds good," I agreed, ready to follow after her.

As she began to lead the way, Lara spoke, "It's good to have you on board, Y/N."

Naturally, I found myself smiling all over again, especially when her eyes met mine. "It's good to be on board. I look forward to working with you."

She returned my smile and I forced myself to look away before I got carried away staring. I couldn't help it, she was captivating!

After showing me around the ship, which hadn't set sail just yet as we were waiting on one more, Sam introduced me to the other crew members.

There was Roth, the captain of the ship and a lovely guy (though I was biased since he was northern like me); Grim, the helmsman and a man with many stories to tell; Jonah, the guy I was definitely going to be on good terms with considering he was cooking all our dinners; Alex, the technician who, according to Sam, overcompensated for his lack of coolness with his absolute goofiness, but he was ultimately harmless; there was also Dr. Whitman, who was a questionable character but also the reason for this documentary, so I paid it no mind; and lastly, there was Reyes, who arrived right before we set sail.

"She's really good at what she does," Sam was explaining as her, Lara and I were mumbling in the kitchen over cups of tea, "but she's a little scary. Roth vouches for her."

I quirked a brow as I glanced over at Reyes, who was talking to Roth and Grim on the other side of the kitchen. "She doesn't look scary."

"Give it a day then tell us if you still think that," Lara muttered with a knowing look. "If looks could kill..."

"I can hear you ladies perfectly clear from over here, y'know," Reyes suddenly spoke, before I could respond to Lara.

We all looked up to see Reyes narrowing her eyes at us from beside Roth and Grim, and without saying another word, the three of us scrambled out the kitchen with our tea. It was easy to know what Sam and Lara meant now. Reyes was not one to get on the bad side of.

After all the introductions were done, we finally set off on our expedition to Yamatai, and I was already looking forward to what this new adventure would bring.

—

A few days into the journey and I already felt settled in on the ship, easily falling into a rhythm of everything. Between eating meals with the others, planning and filming footage with Sam and learning more about this mystery island of Yamatai, I was enjoying myself a lot.

I was especially enjoying getting to know Lara a bit more, outside of the usual greetings we exchanged at university. It was easy to warm up to her, though I suppose I always had. This time though, she seemed to be warming up to me too for a change and I gladly welcomed it. Though I looked for any excuse to hang around her, so it was no surprise she grew used to me.

It was a few days into it when I was getting some B-roll footage whilst Sam conducted some interviews with the crew. It was little things like Jonah cooking or Reyes fixing something or, in this instance, Lara working on some research in her room.

"So, you just wanna film me working?" she asked with confusion, after she let me in with the request of shooting some more.

"Yep, just keep doing what you're doing," I told her, nodding to her position at her desk where several papers and books were sprawled out.

"It's going to be a little boring, isn't it?" she mumbled, puzzled, as she looked back to her desk. "I'm just reading and making notes."

"That'll do," I assured her with a smile, before turning my camera on and pointing it her way. "Pretend I'm not here."

She nodded, clearly not understanding what B-roll meant, and it made me stifle a laugh as I began to film her working. It was obvious she was uncomfortable with the camera though, a little stiff, so I decided to have a little fun with it.

"So, here we have Miss Lara Croft, our resident researcher, hanging out and doing her– well, her researching, of course," I narrated quietly, dead serious as I kept filming.

She glanced up at me, quirking a brow, but I ignored it and continued.

"As you can see, there's a bit of mythology here, some languages there."

"Y/N, what are you doing?" she finally asked, cheeks tinged pink.

I straightened up and lowered my camera slightly, playing dumb. "Oh, didn't Sam tell you?"

She furrowed her brows, suddenly intrigued. "Tell me what...?"

I nodded like it was obvious. "That we're making you a TV star."

Realising I was teasing her, she scoffed quietly, ready to retort, but I beat her to it.

"Yeah, people are gonna turn on their telly for Whitman, but stay for Lara Croft," I continued nonchalantly. "Everyone's gonna be wondering who the intelligent and cute researcher is that landed Whitman on the undiscovered island of Yamatai."

"Oh, now you're just being a pain in my arse," she said disapprovingly, standing up and going to her bed.

I couldn't help but laugh. "What? It's true! I'm just giving the people what they want, Lara."

As I lifted the camera to zoom in on her face, I realised a moment too late that she'd grabbed a pillow from her bed.

"Get out!" she said with a ghost of a smile, throwing said pillow at the camera.

All I did was laugh again and she suddenly launched a second one at my face before guiding me to the door.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving!" I defended with a grin, stepping outside her door.

She rolled her eyes at my expression, but not before her lips curved into a slight smile, then the door was slammed in my face.

Totally worth it.

—

I wrinkled my nose uncomfortably, feeling myself drift from dreamland to reality. Something was tickling me and it wasn't doing anything to help with my nap.

When it wouldn't stop, I reached for my nose and cracked open an eye, only to see the blurry image of Lara and Alex kneeling down before me. Confused, I opened both eyes and realised they were holding my videocamera, clearly taping something.

"What are you idiots doing?" I mumbled tiredly, sitting up when they began to chuckle.

After a quick glance in my phone camera, my eyes widened when I saw what they'd done. Black eyeliner – the same eyeliner in Lara's hand – was drawn on my face into a moustache and bushy eyebrows, and they'd recorded the whole thing.

"Hey!" I shouted, fixing them with a glare, and as soon as I got up, they both began to squeal as they took my videocamera and ran out of there.

I struggled after them, making it as far as the hallway before I gave up with the chase, but not after shouting some select insults at them.

"You should've known not to fall asleep with them nearby," Sam warned with a stifled smile, leaning against the doorframe when she spotted me.

"Thanks for the advice," I said grumpily, before going to the bathroom to wipe it off.

After managing to scrub it off with some makeup wipes, I went to my cabin to relax in peace, then I heard a knock on my open door. Turning around, I narrowed my eyes suspiciously upon seeing Lara standing there, holding my videocamera.

"Sorry," she apologised, though it was hard to believe her when she was smiling uncontrollably.

"You're not though," I pointed out, accepting the camera from her grasp.

"Yeah, not really," she admitted with a chuckle, before following me to my bed to sit on it. "I was just getting that extra footage you wanted. B-roll, right?"

I tensed my jaw as I fixed her with a suspicious glance, seeing the innocent smile she feigned as she used my own words against me. Annoyingly enough, she was still cute.

"It's fine, Croft, I'll get my own back eventually," I replied as I leaned against my headboard.

"Oh, I'm so scared," she said sarcastically, sitting at the foot of my bed and leaning back against the dresser.

"You just see," I retorted knowingly, already planning several ways to get back at her and Alex.

She laughed, a wholehearted laugh that lit up the room in an instant and brought butterflies to my chest. "How about I make it up to you?"

I lifted a brow, curious. "Oh, yeah? How?"

She pulled her knees up to her chest as she gave me a proud look over them, brown eyes twinkling. "Jonah may or may not have snuck an extra stash of Jaffa Cakes on board for me. Some extras. And I may or may not be inclined to share."

I began to smile with amusement. "I suppose that could sway me."

Her own smile widened. "What are waiting for? C'mon!"

I laughed as she got off the bed. "What, now?"

"Duh!"

She was already leading the way out of my room, so I went on and followed after her, the two of us eventually settling in her cabin. I got comfortable on her bed as she dug around in her wardrobe before triumphantly pulling out a pack of Jaffa Cakes.

If I'd known Jaffa Cakes were the key to Lara Croft's heart, I would've bought them for her a long time ago. As soon as she pulled them out, she was instantly comfortable, settling on the bed beside me and splitting a few between us.

We fell into conversation about where she was up to with her research and her theories on Yamatai generally, and it was adorable watching how passionate she spoke of it all. One of the few times I'd seen her in her element was when she was working, theorising, researching. Despite only understanding half of what she was saying, I couldn't bear to interrupt because she looked so carefree talking about it.

Only when she was finished sharing her latest theory about the exact location of Yamatai – something we still hadn't decided on as a crew – and Whitman's reluctance to hear her out, did I speak.

"He's got all these degrees, but he doesn't seem very clever," I said what I was thinking, making her chuckle.

"Y/N, c'mon, that's mean," she said in a way that made me think she'd had the same thought too.

"What? It's true!" I defended. "You're a lot smarter than him, Lara. A million degrees or not, he should listen to you."

Her smile softened at my words. "Well, that's nice of you to say. Thank you."

I shrugged, not trying to be nice but genuinely meaning it. Whitman was a TV personality first and an archaeologist second. In the short time we'd spent together, it was easy to see he was only in it for the money and glory, whereas Lara was the prime example of someone with genuine interest in the discovery. It was a shame Whitman couldn't see that.

"What about you anyway?" she spoke, earning my attention. "How's your first voyage on sea?"

"Not bad actually," I said with a nod. "I've never been on a ship before so it's pretty exciting. Plus, it helps that I'm with friends. Those are the best kinds of jobs."

"Aww, you think of me as a friend?" she asked playfully, hand to her chest.

I met her eyes with a deadpan expression. "I was talking about Sam."

She scoffed before launching her pillow at my head, making me laugh as I blocked my face with my arms.

"I'm kidding!" I exclaimed. "But I mean it about the trip. It's fun. Plus, it's a job and it's always nice to get paid."

She rolled her eyes playfully, leaning back again. "What are you planning to do after?"

I looked up in thought before shrugging. "Dunno yet. I'll see what happens, I guess. How about you?"

"I'll probably work with Roth until I figure it out," she admitted.

I watched her with intrigue. "Sam mentioned you love travelling and archaeology. Showed me pictures from those trips you took together back in uni. It seems fitting you'd continue down that path."

A small smile appeared on her lips at the memory. "Yeah, those were fun. And I do, I just..." Her smile faded, a distant look in her eyes. "I'm not sure what to do just yet. My father, he... he started my love for it all, but I suppose I'm still discovering what I'm capable of."  

I nodded slowly, though she seemed distracted by thoughts of her father. I recalled Sam mentioning in passing that her dad died when she was young, a famous archaeologist at the time. It was upsetting, but I didn't want Lara to feel like she had to share anything about that with me, so I didn't comment on it.

Instead, I said, "You're capable of a hell of a lot, Lara, I'm sure of it."

She hummed with amusement, lips curving into a smile as she glanced at me. It was clear she didn't believe me, but I hoped she would learn that for herself soon enough.

—

It all happened so quickly, it almost didn't feel real.

One minute I was reading in my cabin, the next a loud crash woke me up and water was flooding the room. It was chaos – the flashing lights, the roar of the ocean, the shouting from the crew – and I could feel hands guiding me out on the deck, towards a boat, but the ship was sinking way too quickly and a wave crashed over us and then nothing.

If I didn't wake up spluttering in the sand, I would've believed I'd died in the crash.

Coughs wracked my body as I spat out seawater in the dark, my eyes barely adjusting in the moonlight. Again, the roar of the ocean filled my ears and I could feel the water rising and falling at my feet where I must have washed up onshore.

It took me a moment to accept I was alive, and then another moment to understand what the hell had happened. I rose to my feet, turning around with wide eyes as I saw remnants of other boats, long-abandoned and crashed on shore. Where the hell was I? Where were the others?

My body was aching and my head was spinning, but I pushed that all aside as I looked around frantically, hoping to see anyone else. If I'd washed up here, surely they had too!

There was no sign of anyone near me and I looked ahead to see the forest, afraid to go anywhere near it, especially at night. But my hesitation was the perfect chance for a stranger to shout out into the night, startling me. I spun around, confused when I saw a creepy man walking towards me. Where the hell had he come from?

And why was he holding a gun?

My eyes widened as his pace picked up, and I didn't think twice as I ran away from him, using the density of the trees to hide my figure from his rising gun. He was shouting to some others, but I refused to stop running despite the bushes whipping me in the face and shredding my clothes.

Nothing was making sense, but I knew I definitely wasn't about to die on some random island.

When I was sure I'd put some distance between us, I hid behind a large tree, pressing my body to the tree trunk and holding my breath. Sweat coated my skin and I felt like I was about to pass out, but I had to find the others. And the only way to do that was to get away from this psycho island native who wanted to kill me.

Five minutes passed where I didn't move a muscle and I was sure I'd escaped, but then hands suddenly grabbed me, making my heart stop, and I was thrown to the ground.

"Where the hell d'you think you're going?" the man snarled from above me, sadistic grin forming on his lips.

I scrambled backwards on my hands, heart thumping in my chest. He pointed his gun at me and I stopped, no choice but to obey.

"Stand up," he ordered.

I swallowed thickly and began to stand slowly, aware of his deadly aim. "Please, I don't know who you are, but–"

"Shut up!" he said, smacking the gun across my face, taking me completely by surprise.

I blinked the stars from my eyes as he grabbed me by my shirt, holding me in place. He said nothing else as he began dragging me forward, but I knew I couldn't let him take me. If I was going to die, I'd at least let it be fighting.

Assuming I was still dazed, he paid no mind when I suddenly elbowed him in the gut. It was his turn to be surprised and I used that to try and take his gun, but he only shoved me off him with force.

Cursing inwardly and starting to panic, I turned around to run away again, but he shot his gun blindly and it skimmed my arm, both the noise and pressure making me falter.

I groaned as I clutched my arm, eyes burning with unshed tears, and then I felt the stranger wrestle me to the ground.

"You little bitch," he grunted, attempting to straddle me.

I kicked him, trying to flee, but all I succeeded in doing was knocking the gun from his hands. He shouted as he forced himself on me, straddling me and wrapping his hands around my throat.

My hands scratched at his skin, trying to make him budge, but he was squeezing so tightly that my breathing was getting cut off.

I tried grabbing around for something, anything, to defend myself with, but I couldn't feel anything nor move my head to see. I struggled, becoming lightheaded, terrified as this sicko's eyes watched from above with adoration, and then I felt it. Some sort of blade, dangling out the pocket of his trousers.

With one swift movement, I jammed it into the side of his head, making him yell and let go immediately. There was blood, I could feel it running down my hand, but I didn't stop as I jammed the blade into his head again, knocking him off me. I did it once more for good measure, the light leaving his eyes and the side of his head gushing with blood, and only when I was sure I was safe and could catch my breath again did I stop.

My throat was sore as I gasped, hand dropping the pocket knife, and that was when I felt the warm blood and looked down. Crimson soaked my hand, splattered across my skin. My eyes drew upwards to the dead body – the body I killed – and the combination of that, my nausea from the crash and the fact that I'd almost died made me throw up.

Tears streamed down my face as I wiped my mouth, body trembling, cold from the water. What had I done? How had I become a murderer so quickly?

My head whipped around when I heard male voices in the distance and I tensed up. Horrified, I got up and left the scene without lingering, running in the opposite direction as far as I could go before I was certain I was alone.

It was still so dark out, the forest becoming more and more terrifying as I stumbled further into it. My ears were perked up, listening for any sound of my friends or my attackers, but I couldn't hear a thing. It only dawned on me when I'd put a lot of distance between me and the body that I stupidly didn't grab the gun, so I found a large stick on the floor and kept a vice-like grip on it as I got more and more lost.

After what felt like forever but was probably only half an hour, I saw light in the distance and hesitantly approached. It was a campfire, which could be good or bad. But when I reached it, nobody was there. Strange.

I looked around cautiously before doing a once over of the ruins the campfire was in, worried I'd stumbled onto a hideout of my attackers. And then I heard a noise and my heart froze in my chest, panic settling in as I feared the worst.

Weapon in hand, I hid behind a crumbling wall, holding my breath for the second time that night. There were footsteps approaching and my grip tightened on the stick in my hand, ready to swing if need be.

As soon as the stranger stepped beside me, about to check my hiding spot, I leapt out and swung my stick with a scream. The stranger ducked just on time, and as I pulled back to swing again, they looked up at me with pleading eyes.

"Y/N!"

I paused, stick falling from my grasp when I recognised Lara standing before me.

"Oh my god, Lara," I blubbered, ever so relieved to see a familiar face, before meeting her halfway in a tight embrace. Half crying, I continued, "I'm sorry, I didn't know. I thought– they were following me and they– I–"

"It's okay, it's just me," she assured me, before pulling back slightly, and she looked as worse for wear as I felt.

Her eyes tracked my expression, down to my blood-splattered clothes, and I knew what she was thinking. Shame and guilt and fear all suffocated me under her gaze.

"I didn't mean to," I said weakly, shaking my head. "I didn't, but he was gonna– he tried to–"

"Hey, it's okay, I understand," she said with concern, pulling me in for another hug. "It's okay."

I tried to calm myself, but I couldn't stop trembling with both fear and relief. At least I wasn't alone anymore.

"You're hurt," I realised when I pulled back, spotting a dark patch on her shirt, where her stomach was. "Shit, Lara, are you–?"

"I'm fine," she said quickly, though her hand resting on the wound wasn't promising, neither was her rattled expression.

"Lara–"

"I think I know where the others are," she cut me off before I could question her. "We should find them. We're not alone out here."

Her tone of voice made me realise she'd had her own fight with some island natives. Was that how she'd gotten hurt?

I nodded, squeezing her hand as comfortingly as I could, considering. "Let's go."

—

The next two days were the worst of my life, of all of our lives, no doubt.

Sam had been taken by the island natives, who worshipped the Sun Queen, Himiko, which was coincidentally who this whole expedition was about. The island we'd washed up on was Yamatai, but nobody could have expected it to be this deadly. Lara and Dr. Whitman were separated from Jonah, Alex, Reyes and I, as were Roth and Grim.

I was certain we were going to die, especially when we were locked up in a cell, dangling like bait. But Lara did the impossible and saved us all, even bringing Sam back.

We escaped to a different part of the island where Reyes thought she could revive an old boat for us to escape on. But Lara thought it was impossible, theorising that the island was stopping us from leaving – that Himiko was. Naturally, Reyes thought she was insane, especially after we just lost Roth, Grim and Alex.

"It was your idea to come here and look what happened?!" Reyes shouted at Lara harshly.

"Reyes," Jonah said in a disappointed voice.

"What? It's true!" Reyes retorted without an ounce of remorse. "It was her idea to head in this direction. We're in this mess because of her!"

"That's not fair, Reyes," I said with a frown.

"No, she's right," Lara agreed with a neutral expression, giving nothing away. "This is my fault. But I'm telling you, even if we fix the boat, we won't be able to leave. I found something, a way we might be able to control the storms. But–"

"Save it," Reyes snapped. "I'll be fixing this boat and leaving. With or without you."

She stormed off as Jonah sighed and went after her. Meanwhile Sam gave me a knowing look before wrapping an arm around Lara.

"We aren't leaving without you," she promised, but Lara only sighed and shrugged Sam off.

"You won't be leaving at all unless we can control these storms," Lara pointed out. "I'm going to see what the caves reveal. A soldier's entry talks about something we can use."

"Lara," Sam said, meeting her eyes. "Can't you just–?"

"It's the only way, Sam," Lara said, and a hint of guilt was in her voice. "I'm gonna get us all home. I have to."

Sam frowned, but pulled her in for a hug. "Be safe."

"I will," Lara promised, squeezing her best friend.

Sam joined the others as I quirked a brow at Lara.

"What?" she asked, shuffling uncomfortably under my stare.

"You can't just go back out there, not when a bunch of crazy people are trying to kill us," I told her, stepping forward.

"Please, don't make me try to convince you too," Lara groaned.

"Reyes was wrong, what she said," I said, finding her eyes. "None of this is your fault. You couldn't have known–"

"We came because I thought I knew what I was doing," Lara cut me off abruptly, before flinching at the harshness of it. "I have to fix this."

I frowned, studying her guilt-laden eyes. She was too stubborn to listen to me, and annoyingly enough, I believed what she was saying about the storms and the island stopping us from leaving. There was something seriously paranormal going on. And if she could find a way to stop it, she should.

"Fine," I gave in, making her raise her brows. "But let me come with you."

She shook her head instantly. "I'll be quicker on my own–"

"Lara–"

"You'll only slow me down," she added.

"I can help, I'll be–"

"I said no!" she snapped, startling me. Closing her eyes briefly, she breathed out. "We've lost too many. I can't risk losing another. I won't have you dying on me, Y/N."

I took her hand in mine, glad when she opened her eyes to look at me. "And what about you? Who stops you dying on me?"

She pursed her lips, saying nothing, but the determination was still present and I knew I couldn't sway her.

"Be careful," I pleaded, pulling her in for a hug. "And come back. Please."

She nodded slowly, returning my hug. "I will."

[gaycrittercentral]

YESS WE WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE FANKIDS ‼️

Hhhhdhdgshgd I’m very shy abt them but I’m gonna be brave since a couple of y’all were curious!! :’> here they are!!

There’s four of em and their names are Maisie, Lacey (short for Shoelace), Crowbar and Junior. They were born tiny, hairless and wrinkly and developed the ability to zoom around and track smells before they managed to open their eyes so they start terrorizing Jimmy Two Teeth before they can even see him, they’re like a horrible mix of naked mole rats and piranhas lmaoooo

Also here is the first drawing I ever did of them :’)

When I was designing them I felt like there were already so many fankids out there that are a really perfect fusion of both of Sam and Max’s looks, and I wasn’t crazy about trying to do it myself so I just made an army of little maxlets. The Maxlings, if you will! But I did give them longer tails in later drawings and Crowbar has floppy ears like Sam, so they didn’t completely skip his genes jfkhsgs ^^; I have planned out how they came to be but I’ll probably put that in a different post (maybe I’ll even write a little thing for it teehee that might be fun). But I can describe them a little here!!

Maisie is the oldest (as in the first one to be found, they weren’t really born in the traditional sense so \_:p_/) and she just really loves sharp objects lmao. She is mostly non-verbal, but in kind of a Ferb way where she’ll occasionally throw out a cryptic one-liner and mostly remain silent with kind of an ominous stare. Her sisters and brother are completely unfazed by this and have absolutely no fear of her, but she loves being scary to everyone else. She constantly seems like she’s about to commit an act of incredible violence but she doesn’t like to be caught doing it, so it’s all off-screen. She feels like it’s scarier that way. Max is very proud of her.

Lacey (Shoelace, because she used one as a teething toy as a baby which is baffling because neither of her dads wear shoes where did it come from??) is one of the middle kids. She likes dressing up and bounces around between masc and femme and both and neither. She also likes chatting a mile a minute with Crowbar, and she’s less of a twig than her sisters. Later in life she might try and get a lil buff like Sam. She mostly likes to go along with her sisters’ ideas because her head is pretty empty a lot of the time, and she’s slightly less inclined to jump to violence than they are. But only slightly. She also maybe picks up Sam’s habit of grabbing random items.

Crowbar is the other middle kid and fairly precocious. She’s the first one to unlock language capabilities (I have a comic about that I can post later!), and she loves trying to imitate Sam’s vocabulary. Not that she’s, like, good at it yet, but she’s trying lmao. She’s always very cheerful and bouncy and probably the most likely to cry a little if something goes wrong, but also frequently swings back around to bouncy happy and tends to forget whatever upset her immediately. She swings violently back and forth between having zero thoughts and being head full many thoughts that she has to babble loudly all at once.

And Junior is the youngest, the smallest, the baby of the family. He’s very shy and sensitive, and his sisters are like his own personal bodyguards lmao. He has a lot of sensory issues that his dads make sure to help him with, like getting him soft clothes and a noise cancelling beanie (bc he ears not really suited to headphones) and shooting out overhead lights when they’re too bright for him hdkdhshs. He also likes napping in Sam’s pockets and under his hat and Max loves carrying him around like the baby he is. He’s also a creative little dude and he likes drawing (and also eating the crayons afterward).

All four of them are little goblins who have no concept of morality (like even Junior, he may be skittish but he still condones violence and chaos hdkdhshs) and will eat almost anything. They are truly their fathers’ children shjfjjdgdjshsh, and speaking of which Sam and Max are thrilled to have them around and completely obsessed with them hehe. They pretty much just carry on with their cases like usual except now they have a small pack of land piranhas that they can sic on difficult suspects lmaoooo

And I have some more sketches of them I can post, too!! So I’ll probably bounce back and forth between that and the virtues for a bit hehe :>

[pricemarshfield]

Answer the prime numbers. Do All Tha Prime Numbers 🫵

good lord. okay but i’m putting it under the cut

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

biiiit of both? i know very concretely where i want a fic to start & end, i know the general placement of a few important scenes throughout the fic, and then i have Loose outlines about how each chapter will get me there. but mostly i write as i go; i just have an idea of the endpoint so i don’t wander off into the wilderness (drive my outline wildly off course)

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

well since playing bg3 it’s: become haunted by an idea involving raphael baldursgate, say oh my god no i haven’t even written any of my current wips in months i don’t have time, and then blacking out with 6k of porn that’s somehow not even close to done on my google docs. and this repeats forever

but also. i kinda just do it idk. i sit at my computer and write until it’s done

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

context dependent. if i ask for it, yeah. unprompted in comments, nah. people are much better about this than they used to be, which is funny because i’m less bothered now than i used to be. baby fic author sarah was haunted by concrit; current me is like yeah critique is the only way to improve but i am writing this for funnnn so leaf me alone

(should specify i Just mean in terms of like. technical advice here. if i’m being a bigot in my writing somehow, that is something i want to know and fix asap)

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

vibessss. whoever i wanna write more in the moment unless the specific scene only works from one perspective. this is why talk is getting a sequel (threequel. i guess. bc i’m also doing the two-part “endings”) which is just the same fic but from raphael pov bc i want to write him now

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

only three? damn. can i do four 😭 you sent me over a dozen questions i’m doing four.

of street names & subway wall prophecies by @dalgursbate is SO good. buffyverse au shadowstarion, so well-characterized and vivid and also FUN i LOVE it. i already liked shadowstarion (shocking! girl who multiships everything likes pairing between two of her favorite characters!) but now i rotate them in my mind forever. i want to bind this physically so i have it and am only stopped by having not actually kept most of my bookbinding stuff when i moved. but i need a physical copy so i can Eat It. also everyone should read everything else molly’s ever posted

who will burn who by @pouralaura is so good i’m proselytizing for it. PHENOMENAL fic. professor au raphael and he is SOOO fun; he fits so well in this verse without being defanged into something unrecognizable. and also it’s HOT!!!! SO HOT! fanning myself when i read it! the prose is just soooo fucking nice in this too. all of what i’ve said about this fic is true of all of laura’s fics and once again. everyone should read everything she’s ever posted

Blood in the Wine by @atrueneutral is so fucking interesting that i literally had to lie in bed and just stare at my ceiling and THINK about it after i read the latest chapter today. priest raphael au But Watch Out. i’m so deeply intrigued by the world-building in this, and neutral’s tav is INCREDIBLY compelling. this fic makes me want to paint again and if i had a canvas on hand i probably would have by now. and not to sound like a broken record but everyone read all of neutral’s fics too tyvm 🙏

Cooler Than Me by @wetcatspellcaster has absolutely brightened my day with every update, which has been nice because boyyy am i going through it a little bit. an academic/celebrity modern au with rosalie frostsong, love of my life, as the academic consulting on a film about a historical figure she Hates, and astarion, playing that guy. it’s so fun and funny and fluffy, and i just love seeing how all the different characters are translated to this AU because they’re ALL bangers. fox you are my roommate and know this already but for anyone just reading through, i absolutely cannot recommend all of emma’s fics enough :)

for all of these peep me being #insane in the comments and also know i could have listed like eight more fics even Just sticking with bg3, plus like 10 more if i brought in all the banger d20 ones i still need to catch up on. anyway i’m gonna go reread all of these once i finish answering this ask

13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

FOR ME show don’t tell works. because i treat it as a mantra to make sure i’m showing what i’m telling, since my (unedited) writing style is just. so direct. my characters are introspective and love to think “i am doing x because y which results in z” and that’s fun but sometimes less is more. but also i think it’s a tip that’s oft misused and not always helpful hence the For Me

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

i simply do something else 👍 i am past the point of forcing words out of myself. i wrote a 40 page paper in one night bc i procrastinated so badly in my senior year of college and i don’t want to return to the mental state that invoked in me. especially not for Fanfiction, my Hobby

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

post-canon, fluff, and alternate universe - canon divergence are the main three; i should note that these are largely one-off fics under 2k i wrote half a decade ago, and most of my fics now are messy longfics with a lot of smut. the canon divergence one is still real though

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

🗣️ if you’re stuck, go back three sentences!!! oh my GOD did this save my editing process. the fact i finish editing chapters ever is due to this. also write what you want to write when you want to write it; if you’re writing for a self-imposed deadline or entitled commenters, the fun’s gonna get sucked out of it Fast.

also if you get someone who makes a Lot of fic requests that brush veryyyy close to what you’re not comfortable taking just block them. it’s fine. protect your peace

29. What’s your revision or editing process like?

finish draft. take a full day away from it. reread. fix mistakes. i absolutely Should do more—reading aloud, probably make comments to myself and then go back—but tbh. i am impatient. i want to Post and see people’s Thoughts right away

31. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

used to be characters and a Vibe and the plot would come after, now plots complete with characters and themes attack me in the night until a new outline appears in my google docs. i blame raphael

37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

“okay so this chapter should end at this scene :) oh god why is this other scene getting so long. ah fuck this is already 6k words and i’m not halfway through my plans. oh jesus christ wait a second it’s incredibly self-indulgent additional scene with the steel chair!!” and then i keep writing until i hit whatever is in my outline. don’t do this. you can change your chapter count. i am inflexibly stubborn but everyone else can and should do that. or just don’t commit to a chapter count at first. don’t be like me

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I LOVE REREADING FICS !!! i guarantee every single fic i recommended above i have reread at least a dozen times times, and i think all three of them came out this year. one i discovered a momth ago. i have some fics i have reread Hundreds of times. i Love to reread fics

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

*poorly hiding a comically large mallet behind my back* i’m sooo nice to my characters actually. ignore the longfic which is just my tav’s bad end. and also the one where i put her in a version of hell she’d hate more than usual. and also all the things i’m gonna do in later knife’s edge chapters. and also that time i posted “this sucks for everyone but me, the writer who loves making things worse”

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

one. two if i’m really motivated. like a quarter of the way through before i give up and post immediately if i’m really UNmotivated. don’t be like me

53. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

i go through phases of each. i’ve written a lot this month, i read a lot last month. i think probably like 60:40 reader/writer but it’d probably be 50:50 if i wasn’t so committed to leaving comments with my full thoughts (and i love commenting. so i will not give that up)

59. Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

my mom said she’d read my noir au when i told her about it (she has not). my grandma tried to figure out what to get me for my birthday by asking what fanfiction characters i liked right now. my aunt who i don’t even like has my ao3. i have no shame and also my writing fucks so like

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

I Need. To Read My Ideas. I Need Them To Exist. The Words Need To Be Out Of My Head And In A Form I Can Enjoy. also it’s fun and i like the community aspect of fandom

67. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

i love prompts and challenges but the fics i’ve been most excited to write have been fully independent ideas. still, fics i’ve loved and think are some of my best have come from challenges! so. idk i guess wishy-washy copout answer It Depends

71. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

i got a note on my phone with bullet points that are not clear enough and that i will be confused about later until at 3am i remember what the hell i meant by a bullet simply reading “jowan” (note: this is a real example. it is not a dragon age fic)

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

i got no clue. i’m so bad at describing my own writing in general, i have no idea how to differentiate it from others’ work. i like it though! i’m just terrible at articulating stuff about my Own writing lmfao

fox you sent this to me An Hour Ago. if there are typos dont tell me. if i missed a prime number for Sure dont tell me. goddamn.

[human-adjacent]

episode 101 - another twist

- fair warning this is my favorite episode and also my least favorite episode and i am not okay. this post is mostly for myself

- intentionally listened to this on april fools day so i could pretend that michaels death was just a silly little prank

- i love all of nikolas lines she’s so cute. her little “hellooooo!!” to elias in the beginning, the way she keeps going “can i call u elias?” and says that she’s his good friend, her constantly insulting jon and saying that he’s rude and that he has bad skin, “ah, it’s downright uncanny!” “out with the old, in with… well, in with the you!” she’s such a good character

- MICHAEL☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ i love him sm and all of his lines are also so good. even tho the main reason i liked him initially was because of his voice he’s also just so fascinating and his, as jon would call it, “identity issues” are so interesting. i love how even after all this time and all that the distortion has done there still is some humanity left inside of it, some semblance of the original michael shelley still fighting to exist. i know he’s here to literally murder jon but the fact that michael willingly gave jon a statement despite it going against his nature and entire existence really just shows that he is not a complete monster. the distortion desires to kill but as a past institute employee michael understands jon’s desire for knowledge, and even though he wants to take his revenge on the archives, i also think he has some empathy for jon. michael was killed because of his own ignorance and naivety, and i think he can see himself in jon, who’s also suffering because of his own ignorance, being pushed around and manipulated by his boss just like michael was. the distortion wants to kill, but no matter how angry or upset he is, michael shelley does not, and unfortunately for jon the distortion is just the more powerful force in this conflict

- i have nooo idea what i just typed sorry i didn’t mean to ramble but michael makes me very insane. dont u dare reblog and try to disagree with me bc that was not a coherent thought to provoke discussion that was just me grieving

- en e way here’s a list of quotes from this episode that i just really enjoy (woah i just figured out how to make a bulleted list that’s crazy)

“The Eye watches, and the Stranger conceals, but me… I lie, Archivist.”

“I am the throat of delusion incarnate.”

“Being Michael stole the only purpose I have ever known.”

“The cramped casket sings loud, but not loud enough to drown out screaming.” (the cramped casket is a beautiful way to describe a coffin)

“How do you define the start of your being when in some ways you have always been?”

“the Magnus Institute – that ivory tower, keeping its prisoners ignorant in pursuit of… knowledge. [Giggles] A dungeon full of idiot watchers.” (giggles🤭)

“Am I evil, Archivist? Is a thing evil when it simply obeys its own nature?”

“The mind does not shatter, Archivist. It is soft and malleable. It bends and twists and returns to what it was, though what you see and feel may leave their mark upon it.”

“I cannot tell you the existential joys of truly… becoming. Of an entireness finally crossing the threshold into your self.”

“Even sharper than the joy of becoming is the agony of being opened and remade. To have your who torn bloody from your what, and another crudely lashed into its place.”

“My very existence tied to my pointlessness. Wearing my failure as the very fabric of my being.”

“He got… distracted. Let feelings that shouldn’t have been his overwhelm me.” ☹️

- ok i held a grudge against helen last time for killing michael but i will admit i think she’s cool😔 also i would’ve loved to see michael distortion in the early days of his uh transformation because i would assume he also felt lost and confused like helen did and i’m curious what he would’ve done

- don’t talk to me for at least 3-5 business days i need to mentally recover

[numetaljackdog]

1, 12 and 10 for the OC asks!

1 . how would you describe the world your story takes place in?

the world of RM is like. it's very much borne of the times we're living in where the apocalypse happens and everybody kinda has to go "eh, just another tuesday." as i've already indicated in the comic itself (:3c) it takes place in the relatively near future, in the year 2121, and late-stage capitalism is still getting more and more late-stage. it's a very harsh landscape, a lot of sparse ruined land and overdeveloped concrete jungle that completely blurs the lines between the corporate and the personal. i wouldn't quite call it cyberpunk, bc the aesthetic has some different bends, but it's like. diet cyberpunk :3 there's also monsters sometimes but those are incidental. also 21st century nostalgia is a big thing, mostly to justify why all these musicians 100 years in the future are so obsessed with the music that we're listening to rn lol

10. if your story is titled, why did you choose that title?

ooh a fun question that i don't really have a very fun answer to..... it just Sounded Right. i named the band before i decided i was making a comic out of this, and so when i named the comic i was just like. yeah that works i guess. as for how the name itself came about, there are multiple parts. i get really upset about the continued abuse of marilyn monroe's constructed marketable image and story, so i liked the idea of calling the band that because it sort of offers the catharsis of finally letting the woman rest, even if it sounds grim. it's a fresh start of like, what if it was over. what if we let her rot instead of pumping the idea of her with plastic just to make a buck every few years. i think that fits nicely with the theme of trying to overcome the blending of branding and personhood. and then the other part is that the second most famous marilyn i can think of is professional shithead manson, who is obviously very associated with the sort of mallgoth aesthetic that RM personifies. so i liked the idea of putting that connection to assholes of the past to rest - whereas we're letting monroe rot with a fond memory, because it's time she finally gets to rest, we're letting manson rot because we hate his ass!! and then i got the idea to do the M as teeth and i was like ahhhh that would be so sick. and i was right i think

12. okay be honest. pick a favorite oc from this ocverse.

LMAO. well one of them is essentially just me. so probably that one, at least out of the main four. that's laura AKA session AKA sesh, the lead guitarist and professional puppygirl. i created her first, as a sona for myself, and then gave her some friends bc i'm lonely, and that's how the band came about. she's got the handful of things that i really like about myself, plus some things i wish were true about me. i don't always have a self-insert in all my projects, but i find that the ones i do tend to be easier for me to work on

[fluffy-peachclouds]

Some screenshots on what happened. So basically I was js in discord before I got spammed with shit and I go to my group chat and see the first message. I see this and at first I’m like “…it’s fine” to myself I was kinda weirded out bc it was racist but I also think “there’s so many racists shows,games n shit that do worse so” and becuase they are my “BSFS” I think they would’ve stopped or atleast chilled but no they continued. I started to get very VERY upset by this and after a while I ask for them to chill out and that sure the first two little milds comments weren’t really bad but now it’s not funny. Lacey and Abby were laughing n shit and I was on the verge of tears because I really didn’t feel good from how they js discarded my feelings like this. After a bit after I text Lacey on snap (due to that I can’t screenshot the chat i can’t show but I can describe) and she was apologetic and then I texted Abby. The reason I didn’t text her first being the person who gave the idea I was nervous. I never text her outside of the gc and I don’t ever call her outside of FaceTime with the whole trio, so I was obviously nervous. And from the post before Abby CLEARLY thought I was js talking shit even though I was actually sobbing and not to her knowledge I almost r3laps3d because of this. She’s basically bashing me and clearly doesn’t care. At the end she says that I could always talk to her and that she’s always here for me but she proved that she wasn’t and never will be. The only type of “jokes” I’ll accept about that is from a black friend considering we have the same race sometimes mostly I won’t like respond but this shit considering they are white makes it worse. I literally have the screenshots of everything and I can go back and take more. Idk what to do I don’t wanna go to school at all I don’t wanna see their faces and I don’t want to even talk to them.

(Sorry if I’m bad at explaining this happened last night and I’m still in shock from this)

[the-fandom-abyss]

Hiiii!!! I really love your fandom match up idea could I get a match up from mcu/tvd! Thanks if you do it!

Gender: Female she/her

Sexuality: straight

Appearance: I’ve got short black hair which I get trimmed every three to four months because I cannot handle below jaw length, I mostly wear flannel shirts as a style statement (my friend describes my style as someone’s 40 year old dad who does a 9-5), I get dimples on my face when I smile

Facts: I’m a stem major (struggling with it) (literally dying), I want to grow up to be a professor or teacher one day, feminism is my Roman Empire

Strengths: Im a people pleaser who accepts being one, im EXTREMELY funny, I love hanging out with myself, my taste in movie is immaculate, chemistry

Weaknesses: im a bit dull and stupid in general, can’t make friends really easily, adhd haver, can’t do calculus so well, take extreme amount of stress (my doc said I’m missing my period bc of my stress level I need to calm tf down), scaredy cat

I ship you with Stefan Salvatore!

Stefan will support you in your dreams of becoming a teach or professor. He thoroughly enjoys the never ending questions he receives and how attentive you are when he gives his answers. What better way to learn about history or old school teachings than someone that has been there.

(Now I don’t know much about ADHD, but here is my take, ignore if wrong). Stefan has all the patience in the world, he honestly has all the time in the world. He will apply this to your stream of consciousness that seems to flow from one idea to the next. He is a great listener and enjoys the journey between where you started and where you end up. He is more than happy to keep you on track if that is what you need, otherwise you are a free woman. It’s your world and he is just living in it

You know who also has a hard time making friends? Stefan. He is a renowned hermit who enjoys his own company. This will work perfectly for you as both your needs align. There is no guilt when asking for alone time or space because he feels the same as you and completely understand why you need to refresh.

I ship you with Tony Stark!

You mentioned that one of your strengths is chemistry, which Tony likes to add his spin to. Now he would never discredit your intellect but he will make pick up lines and jokes. He may have mentioned that you and him have great chemistry and has even hypothesised what could have if the two of you interact with each other

(Now I don’t know much about ADHD, but here is my take, ignore if wrong). You two are a force to be reckoned with. The Avengers believe that you have a secret language that only you or Tony can understand. Where he stops, you begin and vice versa. I feel this is what makes you a great team, always bouncing ideas, the energy levels, the understanding of one another.

You say that your movie choices are impeccable, well Tony will be the judge of that. With his love of film, he will happily take onboard your suggestions, even create a movie marathon date just for it. You want to have this in-depth conversations about them? Tony is your man. He will spend all night locked in a thoughtful debate with you on all things film.

1k Follower Celebration

[mabeysomeclasspecting]

Hi! I'm preemptively sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language, but yeah classpect time! The only thing I know for sure is that I'm a Prospit dreamer, other things are confusing as hell to me, so thanks a lot for reading all this and trying to make sense of it! <3

What are your interests/hobbies?

I tend to switch hobbies often bc I operate on a "if I'm not perfect at it immediately I should stop trying" conviction but I tried drawing, crocheting, collage making and web design. Even though I myself am shit at most things creative I'm very good at seeing mistakes in other people's work. Regarding interests, I'm into psychology (it's my uni major), philosophy and history. I love long video essays about an obscure topic, I love learning in general but more in a sense of being smarter than others and making knowledge about a topic part of my personality. I like video games but I play like three games on repeat for 20 years I have 5k hours in skyrim since 2011. I'm also into religion/mythology, spirituality and tarot cards but I don't really believe in all that, it's just interesting from a psychological and historical viewpoint.

How do you see yourself?

I'm unsure who "myself" even is, I made a list of my personality traits once (one of them was "lesbian" so that's a personality trait ig) and that didn't help much. I'm a social chameleon, able to be whatever people want me to be, but I do hold strong beliefs and morals and judge others harshly, just sometimes without showing it. My beliefs are mostly black and white in nature, I'm annoyed at people who are trying to stay in the middle and don't have strong opinions bc goddamn I'm ready to die on any hill. I'm intelligent, aggressive and emotional, but cooperative and friendly if I like people, I like to be important but only in a positive sense. I'm also pretty hypocritical bc of the social chameleon thing.

How do you think others see you?

Almost all of my friends were scared to interact with me at first, so it's either a scary bitch who criticized people for breathing or a contemptuous bitch who thinks she's better than everyone. It used to upset me, I don't think I'm scary or arrogant, but at this point I made peace with it and leant into a proud hater persona more. My gf says that I'm really lovely and kind and helpful (but still a little arrogant) and her opinion is the only thing that matters. And a lot of people think I'm smarter than I am.

How do you interact with your friends?

Jokey bullying but sometimes jokes get away from me and I'm unintentionally crossing a line, that was a point of a lot of arguments, I can be real hurtful at times. When people hurt me unintentionally I throw a fit, which illustrates the hypocrisy I brought up earlier. To make up for being terrible I do acts of service, if my friends need literally anything I'll get it for them. I try to help mentally as well but I offer solutions instead of empathy and that's not what people want usually.

What’s important to you?

I have beef with the concept of fate, I hate predisposition and the idea that our narratives are already written, fatalism is my number one enemy, the whole shebang with Mind and consequences of our choices is my number two enemy, I can do whatever I want. I have a lot of feminism based morals and a lot of opinions about politics. My solutions are extreme but I'm sure they'll work. Murder is okay in self-defense type beat. I cherish my friends a lot and feel horrible if I hurt them. I have a lot of trinkets that bring me memories, they are mostly useless but they are important to me and my memory issues.

Describe the ideal you, what kind of person do you strive to be?

I wish to know myself fully and simultaneously know everything else ever. I think people scared of too much knowledge are cowards. And the ideal me would be a lot less aggressive and anxious all the time, I think mental health issues are really holding me back.

Hello!

Aspects: Light, Mind

Classes: Thief, Prince

I think you're either a Thief of Light or a Prince of Mind!

I hope this helps :)

[crystallinee-waters]

For the question ask, 16, 20, 61, and 73!

Hi there!

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them? The only fic I'm actively nurturing and coming up with new ideas for right now is All That Remains, my current Black Lagoon wip.

But the recent manga chapters have inspired me so I am thinking of writing something with Revy/Le Majeur (and possibly B) bc there is not a straight bone between the three of them and lots of stuff in canon to work with. esp Revy actually being capable of caring for and mentoring her in canon, which intrigued me. I might do that one of these days, once I leave this creative haze I'm in with my main wip. I also have another Revy/Balalaika fic idea (for an AU...)

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc? For themes: angst + hurt/comfort! Also: villains as parents. It's a favorite theme that follows me from fandom to fandom: give this ruthless villain/anti-hero a child that they attach strongly to and see what happens (or I focus on the canon child-parental relationship). It's a character study that I have tried out for many of my fandoms. Bc it's often not about redemption or the kid, it's about the fact that everyone is capable of loving someone, and that can have disastrous or healing consequences - often both. It's Prime Angst and Hurt/Comfort, which is what I write the most. Several of my fics, even across fandoms, do parallel each other slightly and it's on purpose. (All of my BL fics subtly reference each other, etc) Also: characters' metamorphosis, I have to explore/depict that if it ever happens in canon, and esp if doesn't. If she's not going through a dark metamorphosis and coming out/waking up on the other side as a different person, what's even happening? And my absolute fave: character comes into their full (mental) power, or takes back her power. For maximum impact, I tend to combine all of the aforementioned themes. so angst. very drama.

61. Why do you continue writing fics? Probably because I just cannot stop writing? I mostly do it for myself.

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? Not really sure... Maybe, that I tend to go as deeply within a character's mind as I possibly can when describing their emotional situation. I'd love to know my readers' views on that.

Thanks for asking! <3

send fic writer asks!

[dramaklub]

‼️FORMAT‼️; Red ink is me talking, in the present. This tool will be mostly to add context. The rest is copy pasted directly, the only edits not explicitly stated (in red) are things like spelling and punctuation. I will put the TW in blue ink.

TW: unaliving and childhood SA and the weird aftermath of it. No direct descriptions of it. Just the grey area of the understanding what your relationship with family is supposed to be, and the fundamental misunderstanding of those boundaries I had crying the abuse and after.

Time unknown; for the Club section. most likely past midnight. Most likely pretty drunk:

From Mandela club, puerto Vallarta; bathroom

Post colloquy; it’s like I watch from the outside, im like Casper, i watch people’s lives go, watch them grow up, see them hit milestones. And I would fucking give anything to be them. Not enough though I suppose. What to do?

Idea; the woman in the window? (I was reading this book at the time, meaning of this note is unknown lol)

I keep asking myself ‘what’s wrong with me’ and answering ‘you know what’ and that conversation ends with me being thinking about who I am. What I am. My place. It’s daunting to remember. To be honest with yourself about what people think, about what they’re laughing at when I’m dancing and when I’m making out with someone. It’s unbelievable to them. Hilarious. I’m hilarious. That’s all I’ll ever be. I don’t know how to not be funny it seems. A curse out upon me by I don’t know what. I don’t know why I had to be this person. Why I couldn’t be average. Not Kendal Jenner but Sarah who is insecure about her small judding out belly or non-thigh gap. Why do I have to have this? Why is this me? Why can’t I leave. Why can’t I sign out? I suppose I could but it’s not exactly like deleting my wizards 101 account is it? It’s dramatic and traumatizing to everyone around me. I have to endure because everyone around me will have to live with my death. And not just death but traumatic death. Dramatic. Suicide. As if I brought anything to the table. I don’t. I won’t ever bc I’m nothing. I have nothing. I just want to go home and be comfortable. I want to never leave and be perceived again. But I have to leave and I have to continue to ignore it. me. fucking suffer. It sounds fucking dramatic I know, but how could I describe it. I’m not simply annoyed or bothered by such bothering and annoying things. I’m fucking plagued by them. Will I ever love. Sorry, correction, I probably will, the question is will I be loved. Will be desired after for my body and my conversation. I don’t know, obviously, but Im sure not, either because such a simple thing is obviously off the table, in trying to imagine facing a summer where I could go without trying to overcome some major fear/ anxiety. It’s not for me. I was here for what? Exactly! No se, I have nothing to offer, maybe recommending a specific niche of fantasy books or fan fiction and smut. Perhaps what I have to offer is nothing. Some people have nothing, give nothing. Maybe I gave some life lessons to someone. But someone’s life can’t be summed up to their achievements can they? But aren’t they? How will I live up? How will I be remembered. Something tells me it’s in the manor of my death. Nothing else is worth taking about. I never lit up a room with my smile. I was never outgoing. I’m forgetable no matter how hard I try not to be. God I’ve written so many of these things. Had so many dreams and wants. Why don’t I get them. What’s wrong with me? What don’t I get those nice things? I know why. It hurts though.

At work: 12:13pm in the bathroom

“You’re only as fucked up as your secrets” from the Stevo podcast feat. Shane Dawson. Fuck. I mean that’s not good? Is it. Not in my case. It means I’m really really fucked up. There are things I know. I just know I will never ever ever speak about. To anyone. Therapist, loved one. Absolutely anyone. Because they’re disgusting secrets. They were when I was little and had a very warped view of society. And people. I have family that are not very eager to be friends with me bc they remember something I did that definitely sat right on that line of inappropriate. (Very interesting pov from her on this day bc to be clear this is complete speculation lmao, in this she is talking about my cousins, I’m just not very close to my cousins, we all grew up and what I ‘did’, what im referring to, is one awkward encounter with my cousin - one cousin- not so bad to have cause this alleged shunning lol. Definitely still weird, I dared him to watch porn and I stayed - I can’t remember who decided that good idea lol but i am taking blame- in the room. It was weird for all parties) I don’t even like writing about it now. I mean, here is the thing. I never did cross that line. Not like my cousin did. Never. But I did walk it. Because I think I wasn’t sure how the world worked then yet. I’m gonna be honest and say; idk why I didn’t cross that line. I could have. Very easily. Bc the reason I was even walking it was bc I didn’t know what was right and wrong. (I’m giving myself more grace then she gave herself here; she didn’t cross the line because what she did, did feel weird and wrong and she very simply, didn’t wanna cross the line) I didn’t understand. People told me I would never be kidnapped or raped or touched bc I was an ugly and or fat child. But it did happen and I think I didn’t know what to do about it. It made me feel things I didn’t understand and it made me confused. Bc I thought I was disgusting. My world view at 4 was already based on how attractive I was. At 4. I was already worried about sex. At 4. And with the people I was close with I didn’t understand that line existed. So I happen to walk it. I thought it was normal. And it’s a huge part of my past that I regret and I am ashamed and scared of. I don’t like that idea, that that could be me. I’m scared That that wasn’t a product of my perception of the world that was put on to me at young age, but me. That’s scary. I don’t want to bring it up and hurt someone like that. Like I said I never crossed that line but what if what I did was enough to damage my relationship with them. That’s scary. I don’t want to face that.

And I don’t want to face therapy to talk about it all. I’m at this point and have almost been in it for a year. I’ve made a real mess of my life and I don’t think I will make it worth loving frankly. Maybe I will? But reality is that I probably won’t. I’m waiting to get to the point where I can finally kill myself. I’m okay right now, but I’m trying to get the people around me to a good place. So I can let go. My thought; I know it’s selfish but why should it be? I’m not having a good time right now. I never have. I want to sign out. No I want to delete my account. I’m so fucking done. There are things I want to do of course. God so many things. And maybe if I was someone else I would have done them but I won’t in this life. I just fucking won’t. In video games; if I don’t play exactly how I want to - if Mario didn’t land atop the flag pole- I restarted completely. I would need to delete my start. Is that mentally ill? I mean why should I have to be here? Im an adult, I don’t like it here. I fucking hate it as I am. I love it as someone else. That what makes it sad I think. That I don’t hate all of it. In fact I’m in love with so much of it. But I can’t experience it purely. It’s tainted with my existence.

No need to be worried about this authors state of being, im alive and not actively planning my suicide anymore

[gollumsmygel]

not me reading my 40 chapter MHA fanfic before deciding to start rewatching the anime 😭

there are a few things I've noticed like

1. a bunch of mispelling

2. wrong grammar

3. repetitive sentences

4. some of the things my oc did do not add up 😭😂 they do not make sense to her character

5. i am simply a turd at describing things and fight sequences 😂🤡

6. reading my fanfic i can tell exactly which episodes I struggled to insert my oc into.

however I did enjoy reading the later parts of the story, like around chapter 15. I did put funny shit there. cringe but I laugh AND CRY at my own fanfic.

also I completely skipped the short informational chapter I put bc I cringed at it. What I wrote about her quirk DID NOT MAKE SENSE in that chapter but I was able to redeem myself by the later chapters.

and as I was reading, of course I thought of changing the fight scenes of her vs Bakugo, her vs Hachisuka (one of my ocs), her vs another oc, and her + Hachisuka vs Nomu. They're extremely lacking and didn't really translate how I want to show her. Supposedly she's pretty capable and has a strong quirk but falls short against Bakugo who has better quirk control and physical strength.

I wanted to show how she's improved during the summer training camp but couldn't really show it. I completely forgot (at this point considering I wrote those chapters way back 2021) what exactly it is that she's gotten better at.

out of topic (kinda) but is it not weird that while reading my own fanfic, i vividly remember the scenes, the voices, and the expressions of the characters? i guess I did watch MHA enough to remember those.

also I find it funny how I inserted my oc having parents that work in the hero industry just so i have a reason to have her interact with Todoroki 🤡 and I built a whole timeline and plot and drama to that so I CAN justify why my OC and Todoroki talk BUT THEY DON'T REALLY TALK WITH EACH OTHER MUCH 🤡 (i am not a 🤡, i am the whole 🎪)

writing those interactions really got me thinking 'Is this too much? Are they interacting too much? I don't want them to seem ship-able' then I read the whole story within the day and I realized they're barely friends LMAO

and my obsession with wind-based powers (like airbending in atla) is primarily the basis of why my OC uses mostly air manipulation powers. i think a wind quirk feels freeing so it was my first idea for a quirk then fire then crystal (which is inspired by that one Todoroki fanfic I read before but instead of my main female oc, the moves and techniques in that fanfic are things I built into Hachisuka the 2nd oc since he has the crystal quirk too)

and yeah writing this MHA fanfic back then I had inspirations from different MHA fanfics. I wanted to follow each episode as closely as I can but also don't want to pursue just one character (or pursue a character). I wanted my oc to interact with the other characters more and kinda flow with the story. but honestly i don't think my oc is the type to develop crushes.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #156

What are three of your favorite things to photograph? Details in nature, animals, and I REALLY wish I could shoot more vast, impressive landscapes. I also had an incredible amount of fun the one time I shot boudoir for my then-best friend, it was so fucking fun and amazing to help her feel attractive and beautiful in her body, especially as a more plus-sized woman. She loved them and it was the most fun shoot I've ever done.

In your opinion, what are three of the most relatable songs ever? Uh, jeez, idk. Too much to pick from, lol.

When was the last time you took a selfie you thought you looked beautiful in? By pure coincidence, it was somewhat semi-recently; I almost never, EVER take selfies, and even less often do I think I look okay in them, but I took two I thought looked pretty good like, a month or two ago?

Do you play many online games? No; the only one I ever play is World of Warcraft, but I've been barely playing it at all for a while now; I seem to go through phases of logging on more often and then not at all.

Have you ever forged a note for something at school? No.

Do you know anyone who's been adopted? I have at least one old friend that I know was adopted.

Have you ever broken a rib? No, that sounds so fucking miserable.

Where did you last bleed from? My bottom right gum area because I had a tooth extracted. I am so glad I'm no longer tasting solely blood, ugh yesterday was ROUGH. Doing it aaaall over again in a month...

When I go to a new restaurant and have no idea what to order I… I go for a sort of food that I generally always like, like chicken tenders and fries.

If you knew me well, you’d gift me… Money for a tattoo lmao

Does anyone else know who your first crush was besides you? The Internet haha bc I've identified him in past surveys asking about first crushes, but I don't think anyone who might know both of us knows.

Do you feel shy around someone when you are first getting to know them? Oh absolutely, I am extremely, excruciatingly shy.

Have you ever fallen asleep in class? No.

Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? No, I don't at all believe that's predictable.

What is unfair about your life? Mental illness. It's not like I make a conscious decision to become abysmally depressed or so anxious I can barely function.

[TW: SELF-HARM] Have you ever self-harmed? Yes, primarily in high school. It's not something I've done in a long time, all it ever did was make me hate myself more than I already did.

Have you ever shoplifted? Nah.

Do you know who your father is? Yeah, thankfully he's been in my life since I was born.

Have you ever had an emergency surgery? No. When I had my cyst I went into the hospital wanting that because of how much pain I was in, but instead they cut and drained the cyst, but oh boy was I conscious and SCREAMING, there is no fucking way in hell they numbed me enough for that procedure, even morphine wasn't calming me down at all.

Do you think you are fat? I factually am, it's not unknown to me.

Have you ever dated a guy after your friend did? No.

Is your mom your best friend? I would definitely consider her such, after Girt. The amount of shit this woman has done for me is unreal.

Do you find any of your friends hot? Yeah, mostly female friends I have, but it's in a platonic sort of way.

Can you go to an actual beach in the state you live in? Yeah, go east and you're hitting the Atlantic. People tend to prefer South Carolina for their beaches, though, but they're of course still crowded here too.

What animals have you ridden? Just like, horses and ponies at fair-like things.

Ever been brought home by the cops? No.

Describe your natural hair? It's brown and extremely thick, healthy too. It will sometimes get lighter highlights in hotter months if I see the sun enough.

What's a pet peeve you have about guys? This does NOT apply to every guy, at all, but in general I don't think it's debatable that they're generally more sex-driven than women, and that often leads to problems.

If you could change something(s) about your outer appearance, it would be: I'd be a healthy weight.

Are you against animal testing? I am VEHEMENTLY against animal testing, the fact that it's still practiced is barbaric to me. We're "alpha species" my fuckin' ass, by using other forms of life as goddamn guinea pigs, we're nothing but animals.

Where do you wish to live as an adult? Well, I am an adult, but in terms of where I settle down when independent, I'm not certain, but in complete realism it's probably going to still be in this general area, despite how badly I want to move to the mountains of western NC; it's just a very long drive from where we're at, and it's important to me and Girt that we keep touch with our families. I don't want it to be a massive, lengthy drive to see our loved ones.

Where is your favourite place to get fries? Bojangle's or McDonald's, depending on my mood. Bojangle's fries are a fuckin' delicacy if you're in the mood for something really seasoned, but a lot of the time, really just classic McD's fries are great.

Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? Uhhhh I don't THINK so.

Are there any waterfalls nearby? No big, even remotely impressive ones, no. The best you get around here are dams, but those aren't like, real, natural waterfalls at all.

Do you prefer coffee or tea? I hate both; I've never had any of either that I liked. I THINK I'm most likely to discover a sort of coffee product I like though, there's such a serious variety. I think with enough sweetness to it I'd be fine. The taste of tea has always made me cringe with how much I dislike it, which is basically an alien reaction here in the south, where "we" are fucking insane over sweet tea, lol.

Have you taken a painkiller today? Yeah, I'm not rawdogging getting a fuckin' tooth yeeted out lmao

Have you had a nap today? No, but I went to bed very early last night, and though it took a long time to fall asleep, I definitely got some good hours after yesterday.

Who cooks most of the meals in your household? My mom. I never cook-cook, I'll just use the microwave or air fryer if I want to make something myself.

Do you have gluten intolerance or know anyone who does? I don't, but I know Sara was open about having it, though I don't "know" her anymore. I know at least one cousin and her mother also have it.

Your favorite store as a teen? Hot Topic.

You get 2 pizza toppings, what are they? Pepperoni and sausage, ig.

Ever dipped your pizza in ranch? I feel like I've tried this before? I don't remember what I thought, though.

Ever order a lobster for yourself at a restaurant? No; I hate crab and have heard lobster is similar, so I'm not interested in trying it.

Have you had Apple Jacks cereal? Yeah, that's a fave.

Most famous person from your town/state? lol I googled it and apparently Michael Jordan is from NC, I think that's a name most people in at least the USA know. There's a few other big names.

Does your best friend wear glasses? Yeah, he and I are both blind as shit without our glasses, haha.

Who is closest to you in your family? My mom.

Have you listened to a Britney Spears song today? No, but I do like her well enough. Every now and again I'll listen to a couple classic songs by her.

Do you have a pet turtle? Nah, turtles as pets have never interested me much. They're great animals, just not for me as a pet.

French fries or onion rings? Fries, for sure. I don't really like onion rings.

Have you ever had a storage locker? If so, what is/was stored in it? No.

Do you have a gas, electric or induction cooktop? Uh... I've never used the stove since living here lol, but I'm quite sure it's electric.

Are you interested in plants? Oh for sure, at least as an observer and not a caretaker; I enjoy looking at them, lightly learning about the ones I'm very attracted to, and I mostly take photos of some sort of plant, be it a flower, tree, or whatever, so I value them a lot. There's a pretty big part of me that wants to start taking care of indoor plants, especially for my room remodel, but I just have an honest feeling I won't stick to it so I don't wanna take in a plant and kill it.

How far away is the nearest capital city? Raleigh is about an hour away from us by car.

What was the last movie trailer you watched? The Five Nights at Freddy's one, god I lost my shit when it was IMMEDIATELY pointed out just how fuckin stoned the animatronics look, omg please fix it 😭😭😭 I do plan on seeing it though, I really don't understand the franchise's lore very well, but it's a fun series.

Are you expecting anything in the mail? No. Well I mean Mom said she's ordering some final plugs for my earlobes at some point, but it's been a while. I'm just glad the gauges aren't falling out all the time now that they're healed better, I think.

Do you hate cars with loud exhausts? Yes, it's annoying.

What's the altitude of your town or city? I feel weird giving exact numbers, but it ranges from quite below 100ft to not even 200ft.

Do you like movies with vampires in them? Vampires are cool, but I'm not gonna automatically be more drawn to a film just because it has one.

If you have a pet, what is its favourite treat? If you don't have a pet, what's one of your favourite treats? :) GOD Cookie is a spoiled brat when it comes to food; if you have any, she wants to try it, and it's gotten bad because Mom has trouble telling her no unless the food just straight-up isn't okay for dogs. I'm not certain what her favorite ever is, however I do know she's crazy for fries; Mom can't ever have fries from anywhere without sharing some with her. Roman's not big on treats, and he's also VERY weird with being offered food that's not in his bowl, like he doesn't know if he's supposed to eat it and will generally just sniff his a treat given to him to where he pushes it across the floor, like you cannot watch this cat examine a treat without laughing, it's so strange. He even comes to Mom when she gets a treat out for Cookie, like he wants one, and then acts like he never learned how to fuckin eat lmao. Venus has only ever been fed originally f/t mice and now f/t rats; I'd like to let her try a pre-killed chick one day because variety IS good for them and certainly stimulating for them, but it's not something I'm going to go out of my way to buy; ball pythons are notoriously picky and she's been on a major hunger strike before, so I don't want to buy food she's not going to eat. It's one of those things I'd just offer her if the opportunity presented itself.

Do you remember the first house you lived in? No; we moved into what I fully consider my "real" childhood home when I was literally just a baby, I have zero memories of the house I was born into.

When was the last time you threw up, and do you know why? Maybe close to a month ago and we're not going into why lol

Who was the last person you said "I love you" to? My mom, before she left to clean the church she volunteers at.

Have you ever worn a tiara? Haha yeah, I'm sure I did in my childhood at some point, and I remember on one of my teenage birthdays, I wanna say my 17th, my then-best friend Summer got a tiara with my age on it and made me wear it out to dinner, lol. I'm sure I still have it, probably in my treasure box.

If you plan to have kids, what will you tell them about Santa Clause? IF I have kids I'm most likely going to keep the tradition going, like it's just fun and exciting for kids; you're doing no real psychological harm with something like that, it's innocent and I've never seen a kid NOT excited about Santa.

Do you think that pet stores are cruel for keeping animals in small cages? lol oh hunny, there are problems even bigger than tiny cages going on in chain pet stores. Yes, it's cruel. I fucking hate places like PetSmart or Petco, where it's about just pulling money in, corporate doesn't give a microscopic shit about the quality of life of its animals while there.

If you have ever been employed, have you ever been attracted to your boss? What about a co-worker? No.

Do [would] you avoid kissing your [possibly hypothetical] significant other when you or they are ill? Yes, at least on the lips. I'm the one that's dumb about it, if you're sick *I* don't mind simple kisses, however I shouldn't be that way; for right now though, since we don't live together, we don't really deal with this, if one of us is sick we tend to stay apart for both of our benefits.

Does it annoy you when people make their default of them kissing someone? No, why the hell should it????? People are allowed to love each other and be happy about it???????

If ambidextrous, do you prefer writing with your right or left hand? I'm not ambidextrous; I only write with my right hand.

Do you enjoy trolling? No, it's not something I get pleasure out of or anything, I've got better shit to do. And when *I*, an extremely non-busy person, says that, it means shit REALLY is not important.

Have you ever had a close encounter with a shark? Not knowingly, but it's possible. I'm going into their home when I decide to swim in the ocean, so.

What is a song you heard long before it became popular and everyone liked it? I can't think of a song, just a band: Train. I grew up hearing them because my mom's a fan, so I also became one as a kid, then "Hey Soul Sister" came out and they were big with other hits following. I have no idea how big they are now, but I still like them. "If It's Love" is even one of my top picks for a wedding song, lol.

What do you think of excessively long names? What about their shortenings? No opinion, I really just don't like making anyone feel bad about their name. Plenty of longer names are beautiful.

Can you learn the lyrics of a song by ear, or do you have to search them up? Both, but I almost always need to see the lyrics first; my auditory processing disorder makes me really bad at figuring out lyrics, ESPECIALLY for things like death metal and stuff (hell I think most people struggle with that one), I've got no fuckin' clue what you're saying. This happens regularly even with songs where the lyrics of performed quite clearly.

Do you like the name Amy? It's not high on my list of favorites or anything at all, but I think I like the name because I always associate it with Markiplier's literal gem of a girlfriend haha.

Have you ever got an x-ray? How about a brain scan? Multiple x-rays, and I got I think a CT scan when I got a concussion; it was that or an MRI, don't recall. I know CT scans are shorter though, and mine WAS very brief if I remember right, but I mean I was concussed, I don't remember things that well with a bruised brain lol.

[grimmjowjaegerjaquez]

I have a couple of bleach related question about some topics you already mentioned and since I love your thoughts and you have bleach moment I hope I won’t be to annoying. Obv don’t need to answer

Is Grimmjow your favourite bleach character? What moment made you change your mind on orihime? Was there specific moment, or just all of it? Why arrancar arc is your favourite? Do you like any other one? Can you elaborate on grimmulqui? What do you find interesting about their dynamic, since it’s described as completely incompatible in canon? You saw Di Roy as basically looking up to grimmjow, do you have other ideas about the group dynamic? And sth with drama but I need to know Is your feeling about gr!m!chi based on age difference they have? Cuz I felt the same after I became an adult and wonder if it’s similar to you, but someone pointed out Isshin and masaki who are also similar in ages, so idk what to think rn?

And btw I hope one day you will feel comfy enough to share your OC/character. I always look forward to what you post so I’m sure it is fun and interesting. Thanks and sorry again.

Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh ok I’m sorry to everyone for what I am about to inflict upon your dash. 

So i think back when I first watched bleach as a tiny middle schooler, I did like Grimmjow the most. But my best friend had said that Grimmjow was HER favourite, so i opted for Ulquiorra instead out of respect (my kid logic was unmatched, i know lmao). Now Ulquiorra is a character that I love a lot and I did RP as him for a couple years because of that (he is a sad clown. he is an emo. like how can i not like him), but Grimmjow has absolutely retaken the spot of Number One Guy of All Time. He is the Original Catboy, he's blue, he’s a dickhead, he's a lot more observant and intelligent than literally everyone gives him credit for, he loves to beat the shit out of everyone, AND he’s emotionally constipated, I love him. 

Also for Orihime it was like, when I was getting back into bleach in college i was peeking at some blogs for it while also reading the manga and the hate people have for her is so unreal dude. Like part of it really was just out of spite for those people lmfao. There's nothing wrong with her, people are just so venomous!! And for what!! Her big boobs????? She’s weird! She’s compassionate and will heal even her enemies! And not to repeat myself but she’s ALSO more observant and intelligent than literally everyone gives her credit for. She intuits so much that other characters dont pick up on, like??? Why. I mean I know why, its just tiring lmfao

I guess I like chapters before Rukia’s capture because the energy for them is really good? And the shinigami arc is all good because it sets up a lot of new shit for the rest of the series. And also the Fullbringer arc is a lot better than I thought it was going to be. BUUUUUT Arrancar Arc is my favourite bc the arrancar are my favourite. No competition. I think their world is interesting, how it worked before Aizen and after Aizen fucked it all up; I like the struggle between the animalistic lifestyle and cycle of violence they’d all been subjected to rubbing up against the reclamation of their humanity and figuring out what that means for them, and how the promise Aizen gives them of power makes that even harder because he’s forcing them to stay in that survival-of-the-fittest, hyper competitive mindset so they can all be his little murder machines. I also love that they all have fursonas lmfao.

For Grimmulqui it’s like… I think I just like the idea of two dudes with a shitty grasp on their own emotions (mostly from being in an environment that’s forced them to suppress anything that isn’t going to keep them alive) not realizing what it is they're feeling for each other. Seeing Grimmjow noticing things about Ulquiorra (mostly to size him up as a threat, I’m sure lmao) like how he notes that he will always stab prey he’s interested in right where his hollow hole is, as a quirk that he thinks Ulq himself probably doesnt realize. And like, he’ll say shit like “haha, you’re scared to fight me! Because you think we’ll tear each other apart!” and then turn around and just remove Ulquiorra from the situation entirely instead of actually fighting him (which yes is because he had the objective of fighting Ichigo instead and that would just prolong everything and get in the way) But idk! It reads to me like he might be projecting a tiny bit! Also like. The Penis Swords Chapter Cover. Need I Say More.

As for Grimmjow’s group, yeah, but it’s like. It’s less about each of them on an individual level and more about them as just a group? Because of how little we really got for them it’s a lot more work to extrapolate things from lmao. Like I think they all idolize Grimmjow in a way, but Di Roy does the most and is the most obvious about it. Most of my thoughts on them are just about how cool it’d be if they were all still alive and could pal around with their favourite guy :( They could have the shittiest mancave in Las Noches that Shawlong fruitlessly tries to lecture everyone else about cleaning, and it’d be great! Also I think its funny that Yylfordt is the jock to Szayel’s nerd and the potential for more sibling rivalry shit would be cool. 

And uh. Well for Grimmichi and Isshin/Masaki like…….. Dude idk what to tell you lmfao. Like we could have a whole discussion about Kubo being lame for Isshin/Masaki but I think people using the fact that it’s canon in spite of the age gap as a defense for grimmichi (which i think is what you’re implying, right?) is fucking dumb lol. As if that suddenly makes it less weird. Ok.

[djemsostylist]

Forever & Always, Part 1

So, for those of you that are new or uninitiated, my fandom life online actually started out bc of The Vampire Diaries. See, way back, oh, 2010ish, I was in grad school and probably bordering on what might be gently described as a "depressive time" wherein I needed a sort of escape from reality. And so I turned to a teenage vampire drama. TVD gained me a tumblr, and a livejournal, and honestly an A03 account, and a FF.net account and taught me how to make gifs and to converse in the great wide world of fandom. I was by no means a large voice in the TVD world, but I was probably in at least tier 3. If you go back far enough, it's all TVD, all the way down. In fact, it took until Steve Rogers for Stefan Salvatore to be dethroned as the top tag on my tumblr.

That is all to say, that like many things, TVD had it's time in my life, and then I moved on. By mid season 4 I'd had my fill of teen vampire drama, and I declared myself well free of it all. TVD, The Originals, Legacies--I was over it. No need to go back and tread through waters I knew would be rough. I loved TVD for what it was and the potential it had, and I'll never regret that time in my life, but I had moved on. The need had passed and I had other fandoms to fill my time.

The Originals came out bc of a conversation with @disisphlebotinum where she was convinced I'd finally be able to get a ship that actually ended up good. I'd avoided The Originals for a long time, mostly because I knew that the show runner was a menace, and that one of her long time writers also had a reputation for being...bad. (Julie and Carina are menaces I swear). I wasn't down for more mess. But I had time and stuff to keep me busy while I watched, and I've always had a soft spot for Elijah (Daniel Gillies gives him something that makes me weak in the knees) so I thought "why not?". I've watched worse trash for less.

The Originals did the thing a few other shows have done to me, where it sort of sneaks up on me and then before I know it, it's got me by the throat. I've talked about this before on my blog, but I think there is a difference between good and good, and The Originals, much like TVD before it, is not good. The writing is inconsistent, their ability to maintain character consistency for more than 3 seasons is 0, and they both suffer from the problem of "how can you up the stakes when the stakes are already so high?". Like most tv shows, The Originals suffered from too many characters, a surplus of plot, a dash of cringe, and as ever, the eternal curse of going on just a little bit too long (season 5, I mean you). But, like many a trash show before, The Originals also suffers from a case of potential. The ideas of TO, and the characters they created, are intriguing enough that in better, more competent hands, I think it could have been something truly special.

And so, in classic Djem fashion, I'm going to overanalyze a thing which was never meant to be analyzed in the first place, and I'm going to attempt to put my thoughts about this show in order in an attempt to find some sort of closure to this throwback chapter in my fandom life. Any show that gets me to cry at a season finale is, in my opinion, worthy of at least some level of analysis. That, and perhaps I love talking just a bit too much about things that really, in the end, do not matter.

[ashdumpsterpile]

Ohmygod YES Susan Pevensie is awesome please talk to me about Susan i want to know everything you have to say

Literally THANK YOU for asking me this bc Susan Pevensie is a character I never get asked about and I have So Many Opinions.

I'm going to start by saying that Susan used to be my least favorite character in the series. This goes for the books and the movies. Some of it was for personal reasons--she reminds me of a couple of annoying ppl I know irl--but it was also bc I watched Prince Caspian which shoehorned her into a relationship with Caspian which I hated.

HOWEVER. I ended up rethinking this position after interacting with Susan fans and realizing that there are so many wonderful things to love about her!

(putting under the cut bc this got long)

Things Ash Loves About Susan Pevensie

Aight I'm not going to do a formal analysis yet on her, but instead rant about some of the unrelated things I adore about Susan Pevensie.

Susan the Archer

Look we all love archery here. I don't have anything more to say.

Okay, I actually do have more to say. I love the fact that Susan is a complete badass with the bow. You get the general impression that she's one of the royals in charge of public relations, traditions, foreign policy, etc. and yet she's the most competent archer in the series. One of the few things I liked about the movies is how they didn't downplay this. They actually let her be a badass and show off her skills.

Also the part where she kicks Trumpkin's ass was awesome.

Susan the Gentle

Susan being the most passive Pevensie was something I definitely underappreciated as a teenager. I think my non-ability to see past "I'm not like other girls" narrative and the combination of Susan being described as the most traditionally feminine woman in the Narnia series is what initially turned me off from her.

HOWEVER, now it's one of my favorite attributes! I love that Susan is a badass and the most beautiful woman in Narnia. She has hair down to her feet, every man and woman in the kingdom want to fuck her, and she's still a fucking badass who will not hesitate to kick your ass.

Susan the Sister

Most of my thoughts of Susan as an older sister mostly stem from my own personal headcanons, but she is an awesome sister to her siblings. She's Peter's voice of reason, Edmund's sass partner, and Lucy's big sister.

Susan the Mom-Friend

She is a literal mother-figure for Corin.

"[...] the most beautiful lady he had ever seen rose from her place and threw her arms round him and kissed him, saying: "Oh Corin, Corin, how could you? And thou and I such close friends ever since thy mother died. [...]"

-The Horse and His Boy, 33-34

Most everything I have to say about this ventures into headcanon territory, but I love the idea of Susan basically adopting Corin after his mom dies. The way she trusts Cor--who she thinks is Corin in this chapter--is really sweet and I wish we could've seen more of that relationship.

Susan the Flawed

Something I notice from the fandom is a lot of people who hate Susan tend to because of her flaws. On the other hand, most Susan stans like to wave away these flaws and blame C.S. Lewis for being misogynistic or Aslan for being a "cruel god" and ignore the fact that she is a deeply flawed person.

Susan gets something of a "reverse redemption arc" in The Chronicles of Narnia. This makes her not only a fascinating foil to Edmund--as both are analytical, logical people--but an interesting character by herself.

She starts out in TWW as very skeptical of Narnia and it's whole deal and also very condescending to Lucy throughout. She ultimately does admit that Lucy was right and does get on board with the whole prophecy at the same time Peter does, and ends the book being crowned "the Gentle Queen."

In The Horse and His Boy, she has a very interesting dynamic with Edmund and in even more interesting relationship with Rabadash. They don't even interact on-page with each other, but it's highly implied that she was interested in him when he was a guest in Narnia. His behavior obviously changed when she visited him in Tashbaan, but you have to wonder what their dynamic was like before for her to travel all the way to his home when relations between the countries were strained at best.

Prince Caspian is where the cracks start showing through. Susan has lived an entire life as an adult in Narnia, gets thrown back to England with her siblings, and is yet again in Narnia as a child. This book is what really emphasizes her one fatal flaw: convenience.

(Put a pin in that thought, I'll get back to it.)

Susan denies once again that Lucy saw something that the rest of them can't seen. She continues this narrative until every other sibling finally acknowledges Lucy in the right and only then does she apologize.

The last mention of Susan is in The Last Battle, where all of her flaws rise up against her in the worst way possible. I have a lot of controversial opinions on this that I'm going to address later, but I just want to say that Susan's reverse-redemption arc is something I actually like about her.

(There is also evidence that Susan does get a full redemption arc, just as Edmund and Eustace did, but C.S. Lewis was pretty much done with The Chronicles of Narnia at the point and instead encouraged fans to write their own version of how that went down.)

Okay, back to convenience being Susan's fatal flaw. So the one thing that comes up time and time again in the series is that Susan is very focused on material comforts. I believe it's implied that she's vain, and it's canonical that her own personal comfort spurs her to make decisions.

"[...] I really believed it was him — he, I mean — yesterday. When he warned us not to go down to the fir wood. And I really believed it was him tonight, when you woke us up. I mean, deep down inside. Or I could have, if I'd let myself. But I just wanted to get out of the woods and — and — oh, I don't know [...]"

Prince Caspian, 81

Prince Caspian has the strongest examples of Susan doing this, but certainly there's evidence elsewhere. There are a lot of fans who are distressed by this, claiming that Aslan and the others are too hard on her and shouldn't judge.

Honestly, I like that she's written with this flaw. Not only is it very relatable--(my own personal comfort and convenience is something I highly prioritize too)--but it humanizes a character who otherwise is ridiculously op and basically the Helen of Troy of the series. It may sound like I'm using this as an excuse to rant, but I really wouldn't have her any other way.

Susan As Portrayed by Anna Popplewell

Movie!Susan is a fucking delight.

She's sarcastic and badass and awesome and I could spend hours heaping praise on Anna's acting and her portrayal of Susan, but I can already tell that this post is going to be long so, I'll just stop here.

(10/10 want to be stabbed by her tho.)

Personal Headcanons

Let's talk about my fanon thoughts. I have many.

Susan is Aro

There's canonical evidence for this! Susan is a character who is heavily pursued by suitors everywhere, and even lets herself be courted by many of them, but chooses not to settle down. Even when she gets back to England and is described as only having interest in parties and material things, boys aren't mentioned.

I like to think that in The Horse in His Boy Susan was interested in Rabadash at first because he was a brilliant conversationalist. Nothing she says about him implies romantic interest, before and after she realizes the truth of his intentions.

Susan and Edmund Were Best Friends

This might be my love for The Horse and His Boy showing itself, but I think Susan and Edmund were thrown into circumstances where they interacted the most with each other.

Edmund is the ruler in charge of politics. Susan is the ruler in charge of Cair Paravel's public image. I imagine they spent time as ambassadors to other countries and planning royal functions.

They're also the most level-headed and logical out of their siblings, so they probably found a lot in common.

Susan Fancast

I literally just said I loved Anna's potrayal of Susan's (and I love what they gave us of older Susan too in LWW!), but I read the books in 2008 and my parents didn't let me see the movies bc I was like...nine years old and they thought it would be too scary.

So I had to headcanon my own interpretations.

Queen Susan the Gentle:

For some reason Merlin wasn't too scary for me to watch and I fell in love with Katie McGrath in like. Two episodes so. (On an unrelated note, I also fancast Bradley James as Peter at the time.)

Anyway, fanon Susan is basically Morgana Pendragon pre-evil arc. Sassy as hell, hot as fuck, and can kick your ass.

Unpopular Opinions

Yeah, feel free to skip this part if having controversial fandom opinions is a deal breaker for you.

The Problem With Susan Isn't Actually A Problem

I'm about to start so much discourse in the Narnia fandom, but C.S. Lewis's choices with her in The Last Battle weren't misogynistic. Bear in mind, I'm not saying that all of his writing choices in the series were A++ or excusing away certain racist/sexiest bits, but it's honestly baffling to me that people are so up in arms over Susan's exclusion in the final book.

So the part that everyone loses their shit over is as follows:

"My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia."

"Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'"

"Oh Susan!" said Jill, "she's interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."

"Grown-up, indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."

The Last Battle, 83-84

There's a lot to unpack here and I first want to say that everyone's opinion on this part, no matter how different than mine, is valid. I'm going to be quoting some other ppl's opinions on here and by no means am I bashing them. I just want to address my feelings on the matter and the best way to do that is to cite the thoughts of ppl who have opposing ideas.

Here are some arguments on Tumblr I've heard regarding "The Problem of Susan":

"How about we talk about what might have happened if Narnia hadn't deserted Susan? [...] What if we didn't tell Susan she had to go grow up in her own world and then shame and punish her for doing just that? She was told to walk away and she went. She did not try to stay a child all her life, wishing for something she had been told she couldn't have again."

"Narnia is filled with metaphors (often not very subtle ones) that are supposed to teach us how to be, and the most glaring one for any young girl to absorb is that it's okay to be a girl like Lucy, unthreatening and cheerful and valiant and faithful, but to be a girl like Susan gets you punished - in fact, you aren't just punished, you're destroyed."

"why do we call it ‘the problem’ where’s the problem about a young woman dealing with her trauma and choosing her own path, actively making the choice to keep living and to stay and to carve a life out in England when her siblings couldn’t? what is the problem about susan forgetting to somehow cope with what she’s experienced? why is it ‘the problem of susan’ that she recontextualised her faith?"

And then there's JK Rowling who said this:

There comes a point where Susan, who was the older girl, is lost to Narnia because she becomes interested in lipstick. She's become irreligious basically because she found sex. I have a big problem with that.

It's weird how I'm still finding new ways to hate JKR in the year 2021. Again, there is absolutely zero implication that Susan had sex when she came back to England. ZERO. Did she actually read the books? IDK. If someone shares this opinion pls reply with actual canonical evidence.

Back on topic, I'm a firm believer of death of the author and interpreting art via your own experiences. Which is why I'm also going to share my own interpretation by saying y'all are wrong.

Susan Pevensie was not abandoned by Narnia. She was not barred from Narnia because she is traditionally feminine or because she "owned her sexuality" (another opinion I didn't have time to condense down for this post) or because she recontextualized her faith or even because she deserved to be punished.

I also fail to see how Susan recontexualized her faith, as the entire point of it all is that she has none. Bringing this back to Susan's fatal flaw (personal convenience/material comforts), her prioritizing herself over her own faith is the reason she is "no longer a friend of Narnia." Not...whatever fanon y'all are imposing on her character.

Susan is not being punished for liking lipstick and looking pretty. Susan's not even being punished. Y'all read Neil Gaiman's The Problem of Susan and forgot it wasn't canon.

There are many reasons Susan is not in Aslan's Country (one of them being that she's not actually dead yet), but the main one has to do with this:

"[...] But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

Voyage of the Dawn Treader, 215-216

Yeah, okay that's why Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia. The implication when the Pevensies are told that they can no longer enter Narnia is that they are to find Aslan in other places. Susan doesn't do this, instead choosing to focus her life on material things. It isn't the lipstick, it's that she only wants the lipstick.

Susan Had Sex In The Books

Oh and not in the context y'all are thinking. (Again, there are no implications that Susan was barred from Narnia for having sex or that she had sex when she came back to England.)

So there's actual canonical evidence that Susan and Rabadash had a sexual relationship. Sort of.

"What think you? We have been in this city fully three weeks. Have you yet settled in your mind whether you will marry this dark-faced lover of yours, this Prince Rabadash, or no?"

-The Horse and His Boy, 35

Edmund calls Rabadash her lover. Not her suitor. I don't know if the word had a different meaning in 1954, but it feels like C.S. Lewis is saying that they're fucking. I'm not really happy with the idea of Susan sleeping with an abuser, but really proud of her for Getting Some as a woman born in a time period where having premarital sex was a big no-no.

This also invalidates the weird opinion going on that Susan was barred from Narnia because she had sex.

Suspian Is The Worst

I haven't really talked about Movie!Susan much, but as long as we're talking unpopular opinions, it's worth noting that I hate Suspian. Some of it is the "Susan is Aro" headcanon screaming inside of me, but it's also the fact that it's written poorly, does nothing interesting for either character and generally comes across as awkward.

I feel like they were trying to make Prince Caspian sexy and relevant to teens. It came across as super heteronormative and unnecessary.

It also gets really really weird bc the next movie then gives Caspian and Edmund mad chemistry and we're all just like........ok.

Final Thoughts

Susan may not be my favorite character in the series, but she's grown on me over the years. I have many issues with fanon interpretations of her--which definately fueled some of my disdain for her initally--and I don't identify as a Susan Apologist.

I do however adore Susan and have many headcanons for her not mentioned here. I love reading fanfic, writing fanfic and meta, and generally having conversations about her and would love to talk more about it.

I welcome criticism (CONSTRUCTIVE) and conversation on all of my opinions and observations. Please drop into my inbox. <3