#mostly i don't need medical attention for any of this or i cope with the existing methods of treatment

[ephemeral-winter]

anybody got a nice meaty literary essay or monograph to read about the impossibility of describing ordinary physical pain? currently thinking about how rn i have a "sore throat" but it's neither scratchy nor hard to swallow so like what is going on there and is it treatable. or like very often i am "nauseous" but my motion sickness nausea is so entirely distinct from my gastroparesis nausea which is so different from my postnasal drip nausea which is different yet again to my constipation nausea (real) etc etc but also i didn't know how different they were until i had experienced all of them really often really close together. and still i have no good words to explain any of the differences to medical professionals or to anybody else

[lassieposting]

So in the wake of my post on Astarion and cptsd, have another concept I've been thinking about lately:

Tav/Durge (or an origin character, but I'm gonna use Tav because there are so many potential ships) using magic on him - with his permission, of course, they're not a complete monster - to help him cope with the symptoms.

I feel like there's a lot of potential here? But I haven't really seen anyone using it in fics, so. Here are some ideas I've been turning over.

Spells Tav Can Use On Astarion:

Calm Emotions: magically subdue intense emotions.

So.

I have a fond headcanon that while Astarion is still in survival mode during the game - the worst symptoms of his cptsd are on lockdown and he's mostly able to keep it together well enough to be functional and clear-headed - there is an incident where Tav sees him have a panic attack.

Like. Maybe they're attempting to sneak around patrolling guards in enemy territory, or edging around hostile wildlife in the Underdark. They're alone, the party split into two pairs with different tasks, and some threat is headed their way. They don't want to raise any alarms, so Tav drags Astarion back into a narrow crevice in the rock, or a chest loaded onto a supply wagon, or something, to hide until the threat has passed by.

And. Astarion has never mentioned that he's claustrophobic. He doesn't show weakness unless he's forced to, and at this point, he hasn't told Tav about being sealed in a tomb for a whole year. So the first they know of it is when they're crushed up against him in a cramped hiding spot and they realise he's shaking. They try to calm him, but his eyes have gone unfocused and glassy and he's starting to hyperventilate, a wounded animal noise brewing in his chest.

And Tav has to make a split second decision, because he's going to get them noticed. So they try to comfort him and instinctively cast Calm Emotions - and it works. It cuts the panic attack off, and once the threat is audibly moving away from them, they're able to emerge and carry on undetected.

He's angry, on and off for a while, that Tav used magic on him without his consent, even once he understands what they did and why. But the thing is, it did work. It helped him get his fear under control. So down the line, as they get closer, and he begins to really trust Tav, he agrees to them using that one on him when he really needs it, when he's crippled with the panic of 200 years' worth of obediently withstood torture sessions, when he feels like dying is the only way to escape the fear. They're both aware though that Calm Emotions is a deferral, not a cure - it won't help him work through the panic attacks, and it won't stop him having them.

Heroism: instill the caster or an ally with courage

I like to think Tav uses this one on him a few times as the group approaches the city, when he's fretting about being back within Cazador's reach. They're not ✨sleeping together✨, but they are sleeping together - he has an open invitation to share Tav's tent at night, just to cuddle and rest a little easier with someone he trusts close by to watch over him. They know he's scared, and they know he doubts the group's ability to protect him if Cazador tries to take him back. Heroism here is essentially a stand-in for anti-anxiety medication - it stops him ruminating on what-if scenarios the group is determined not to ever let happen.

Enthrall: capture the attention of a creature, making it look at you

Another one that could be useful in a panic attack situation, though it's far too similar to Cazador's control to ever use on him spontaneously - it would need to be something suggested, discussed and agreed upon while he was clearheaded, to see if it was useful for him. Making him focus on Tav stops him focusing on whatever is causing him to nosedive. It's the, "Astarion, hey, look at me, just focus on me, breathe with me," spiel taken to a level that actually yanks him out of his fear spiral when just their voice won't do it.

Dancing Lights: creates magical orbs of light that brighten an area

Sometimes, Astarion struggles to switch off and unwind at bedtime. The "trying to get to sleep" gap can be a fucking horror show when you have a condition like cptsd - everything goes quiet in preparation for sleep, so it's the perfect time for all your intrusive thoughts and ruminations and spiralling to dogpile you, the way it struggles to do when you're compulsively keeping busy in the daytime.

A Tav who can create Dancing Lights is essentially giving him Candy Crush. A mindless, no-complex-thought-required distraction that shuts up all those bad thoughts long enough for his eyes to start closing.

Light: makes an object shed light in a small area

He's not afraid of the dark. The dark is a vampire's natural habitat, after all. But he is, in the early days, sometimes afraid of what might be in the dark - he has nightmares of Cazador lurking around the outskirts of the camp, waiting to snatch him up. Shifting shadows against tent fabric can warp and twist into horrors to a groggy, fresh-from-a-nightmare mind. He would rather die again than ever ask Tav to magic him a nightlight. But if an object bespelled to cast a soft, grounding glow inside his tent happened to be left beside his bedroll, well, finders keepers and all that. Of course he uses the damn thing, darling, if he leaves it off for one night Gale will probably eat it.

Detect Thoughts: telepathically link to unprotected minds and hear the thoughts of targeted creatures while talking to them.

I like to think this mostly happens when he's struggling to express something and getting frustrated.

Sometimes, it's a vocabulary issue. Faerûn is a medieval-esque setting - Astarion doesn't have terms like "trigger" or "dissociation" or "flashback" to express what's going on in his head. He has to cobble together not-quite-right-but-close-enough explanations out of the words he does have, and that shit is hard.

Other times, it's because he's trying to recount a memory that gets stuck in his throat or between his teeth. Because he can't bear to voice the humiliation, or the dehumanization, or the violence that goes with it. Putting it to words makes it real in a way that he can't deal with anymore. He wants Tav to know what's distressing him, but he just...can't say it. He can't.

And once upon a time, he would've just shown them through the tadpole, but that's no longer an option, so Detect Thoughts it is. Tav can either hear him, or he can visualise the memory and show it to them - or flashes of it, anyway. And it can be a quiet understanding between them - no stumbling over his words, no tears, no shaking voice.

Hold Person: hold a target humanoid in place.

Paralyzing Ray: paralyzes the target.

Otiluke's Resilient Sphere: enclose a target in a sphere of shimmering force...blocking all incoming and outgoing damage

These wouldn't really come into play until months or even years postgame, once Astarion is safe and settled and finally processing all the horrors he's been through - if he has an era where the flashbacks are so vivid, he might not recognise Tav, or might even mistake them for Cazador or Godey. The era where, sometimes, through no fault of his own, he might be a danger to himself and others, Tav included. What's a fantasy protagonist to do with him, when he's beyond reason? Pop him in the rage cage - where he can't hurt himself or anyone else - until he comes back to himself.

Spells Tav Has Tried And Failed To Use On Astarion:

Cure Wounds: heal wounds through touch

Probably the first spell they ever try on him, and one he could've sorely benefited from. The extra impetus to start associating touch with pain relief instead of pain itself would've done him a lot of good. But, according to the wiki, undead are immune to virtually all healing spells, which is a deeply angsty bummer.

Sleep: make a conscious creature fall into a deep slumber

As a high elf, he's immune to sleep magic, but he gets the elven equivalent of night terrors, and days on end of broken rest will leave anyone drained and exhausted. Tav has absolutely offered to try and put him to "proper" sleep, a deep sleep, so he won't dream. I've never actually played dnd, so I don't know how much leeway there is here for creative interpretation of immunity, there are certainly ways you could be creative with it - maybe his fey ancestry protects him from being put to sleep specifically in an attack context, or from being put to sleep unexpectedly, or by unfamiliar and potentially hostile magic. Maybe, if he knows it's happening and his innate magic recognises the magic of the caster, he's able to lean into it. Like the difference between being shot from behind with a tranquilizer gun and popping an ambien before bedtime.

Also! These could even be scrolls! It amuses me to think of Tav popping over to the pharmacist Gale's tower in Waterdeep to get Astarion's monthly anxiety prescription scrolls of Calm Emotions

[autisticlilith]

Something that always struck me about this 'fight' is that it felt really one-sided. Not because the Raven Beast is bigger, but because she's also way more aggressive. We see throughout the show that Eda in her Owl Beast form acts mostly on instinct (and her inner beast, once she starts talking to it, seems to just be hungry or cranky most of the time). We don't get much insight into how Lilith copes with the curse (like none at all after this), so this is going to be a lot of inference.

Off the top, I would like to reiterate that Hayley Wong has repeatedly asked that nobody repost or edit her art without permission. I'm going to be referring to stuff from the boards in this post, so here's the link if you want to look for yourself.

So, in this episode, Eda and Lilith are both angry—specifically at Gwendolyn, and with good reason. They both end up turning into beasts due to a combination of that anger, stress, and the fact their mom thought she was "helping" by taking away their medication.

But here is where they differ. Eda was angry about the current situation: her mom refusing to respect her choices, and causing unnecessary harm to her all day. And Luz even joined in. As Eda says, she has a right to be upset, though I don't think she meant to lose control over the beast.

That's just what happens when she reaches her limit. And she knows her limits, she's been dealing with this curse for 30 years!

Meanwhile, Lilith has been dealing with the curse for... a few weeks, at most? Unless you count dealing with the guilt of cursing Eda as part of that. We see that she's quite unaware of the effects of the curse, as she experienced some symptoms for the first time this very day. She essentially gets told to take an elixir if she starts feeling stressed, and then is left in the house to stew in her guilt and insecurity all day.

Gwen's lukewarm greeting, and the realization that she's paid consistent visits to Eda over the years, is enough to send Lilith into a downward spiral. She starts stress-eating ice cream, and makes cruel comments about King's dad abandoning him (a clear case of projection, and I don't think he really internalizes it after this episode, but seriously that's no way to talk to your 8-year-old nephew), and unfortunately the only voice of reason around is Hooty. Well, he tried.

I want to note here that she doesn't cry. She mopes, she complains, she gets rude and cynical; these are all things we've seen her do before. But she doesn't allow herself to honestly express her feelings, her wants and needs. What's she gonna say? "Hey Mom, can you please pay attention to me?" You can't just ask for things like that. And she's a grown adult, she's more mature than this. She was the head of the Emperor's Coven, for Titan's sake. Didn't she get enough attention there to last a lifetime? And didn't she learn how to repress all her useless emotions and craft a perfect persona to hide behind until she could no longer tell the mask from her face?

She realizes she's indulged her worst thoughts a little too hard when the feathers start popping up, and goes to take an elixir and calm down...

And there are no elixirs.

And she panics. She has no coping strategies for this. She doesn't even know what's going to happen to her, only that it's going to be really, really bad.

It has to be terrifying, and painful... and maybe, just a little bit deserved? This is the fate she forced upon Eda, after all.

We don't see any signs that she damaged the house after she turned, unlike the havoc Eda caused back in The Intruder. King runs to get help, because Eda or Luz would know what to do better than he does, and Raven Beast Lilith seems to pursue him, but she's not after him. She goes after Eda directly. There is no distraction (King also notes that light glyphs had no effect on her), there is no behaviour that can be explained as animal instinct. There is a violent, visceral anger, and instead of addressing its source, she flies out there to take it out on Eda.

This is why I don't buy the interpretation that Gwen started favouring Eda only after the curse. By that point, Lilith was an older teenager almost out of the house, and it's completely reasonable for the parents to be focusing more on the younger kid with a new mysterious illness. I think Eda was always the favourite, or at least got more attention in ways that made Lilith feel overlooked. Part of it was that Eda got in trouble more, whereas Lilith was usually quiet and well-behaved, so everyone just decided that Eda needed more help (which she didn't necessarily want) and Lilith needed none. Lilith got very good at needing nothing. So good that instead of talking to her sister about their impending duel, she decided to curse her in the dead of night instead. And then to keep it a secret until she found a way to undo it, because she never wants to upset anyone or cause a scene. And then to give 30 years of her life to an evil man's crooked system for nothing—less than nothing, she's only going to realize later.

Lilith's breakdown isn't about the fact Gwen is paying attention to Eda again. That's just the trigger for a lifetime of repressed emotions bursting to the surface all at once, and it's been coming for a while.

The Owl Beast seems to be mostly defending herself. At a few points she tries to flee, but the Raven Beast catches her. The Raven Beast is malicious, with exaggerated expressions of rage and what can only be described as cruel glee when she inflicts pain. This seems to come out of nowhere... but only if you haven't been paying attention to Lilith.

We know what Lilith is like at her worst. It wasn't even that long ago she threatened Luz's life in order to capture Eda. All while convinced that she was doing the right thing. She doesn't even have that shield now. She doesn't have much of anything, really, except her sister who refused to leave her out in the cold even after everything she's done. And this is how she repays that trust...?

We also know that Lilith wasn't in control of her actions as the Raven Beast. But that doesn't mean the beast was just doing beast things. I believe it was acting directly on Lilith's intrusive thoughts. Hurting Eda was her greatest shame, and the idea that she could do it again is a constant fear that she has. Unlike Eda, who has long been seen by others as a monster and had to fight her internalized shame about it, Lilith considers herself a monster while everyone around her is unaware of her inner turmoil. She's afraid of herself; she thinks her feelings are ugly and violent and unmanageable. And so that's what they became.

There was a sequence in the storyboards that was cut from the episode, presumably for time, where Gwendolyn tries to use a beastkeeping spell in order to communicate with her beast-daughters. It proves completely ineffective, so she goes to plan B, which is just trying to talk to them like a normal person (also in the boards, Gwen summons firebees to lift roof tiles for her to walk on, which I'm glad got changed to the tiles themselves being flying creatures. it's less distracting). There was something really affecting about watching her try to do things her own way one last time before finally admitting that she's failed the both of them. It painted the picture of this whole family who never talk about anything that's difficult or painful.

Then the scene plays out the way it does: Gwen's words get through to Eda, and allow her to finally face the beast and have an important revelation about herself.

And Lilith? Well, for all the violence she just showed, she breaks down in tears the second she is shown loving care.

When they've changed back, her anger is gone. There is no sign of the monster; there is only a sad, lonely woman who hasn't allowed herself to cry in so long that she almost forgot how. But she's safe now, and she's seen, and she's allowed this healthy expression of emotion. She collapses in the arms of her mother and sister.

After this, Lilith and Gwen had an off-screen conversation, where Lilith admitted she was the one to curse Eda, and decided that she was going to move back home. I could write a whole other post on that first point, but we've reached the end of the episode. I think a major reason why Lilith wanted to stay with mom and dad instead of with Eda is because she's afraid of hurting Eda again. Any time the curse acts up, she becomes a danger to the people around her, but especially to Eda, because of how much of her energy and guilt and shame has been focused around Eda over the years. She needs some time away while she figures out how to deal with the curse, to recover and build up her own identity. And of course, to build the relationship with her parents that she needed as a kid. Better late than never.

[tactax-art]

Basics: Hauke "it" Petterson German mid 30s, 1st Oct he / they / it Aromantic, overall Queer rank ??? (i don't understand ranks) Visual: - 170cm / 5'7 - heavy & muscular build - all blonde blocky blackout tattoos - very old scar from childhood accident on the center line of his lips

Personality: - easy-going and calm - keeps no secrets if you ask the right question - will laugh at all your jokes (the worse the better) - generous (in attention, affection and it's limited belongings) - spends the majority of his time in the base's public spaces (kitchens, rec room, gym, etc) even if it's for reading or just napping - they nap a lot and anywhere - if prompted they'll tell you about whatever romance novel they're reading like it's office gossip - will make sure you do your PT - not materialistic - forgets he's got a paycheck now and will trade stuff - it doesn't like to be (alone) in quiet spaces, - obsessively makes sure it's packed and prepared for any medical emergency feasible in the field (negligent in base/civil) - superstitious

It doesn't like to be (alone) in quiet spaces, obsessively makes sure it's packed and prepared for any medical emergency feasible in the field, and is hella superstitious. It's gonna exfil you come hell or high water.

Skills/Specialisation: - combat medic - physiotherapist - emt - nurse - close range/hand-to-hand combat (preferred) - mid-range combat - k-9 handling - heavy lifting (can carry people at speed) History: - grew up in Germany, small family, lower class, country side, - 16, completed [german mid-tier highschool] - 17-20, physiotheraphy apprenticeship - 20+ enlisting in military, EMT & nurse medic education, frequently deployed (I'll not pretend i know how german military works, i know more about the US one through my dad *shrugs) - 24-ish, goes home for a while to help ill older sister who needs care - 25-ish, starts looking for mercenary work to finance sisters care/treatment, takes a bunch of different jobs and builds a bit of a rep/resumee, never seems to be enough to do right by her though, (i know germany has healthcare, no idea how good tho so lets just suspend our disbelief) - 26-ish, Shadow Company approaches him with an offer he can't refuse, no matter how their reputation grates on his morals, a lifetime contract for a lifetime financial security of his sisters treatment. - Hauke realises soon what he's really got himself into, selling himself to Graves with 'built in blackmail', so he keeps his head down. He never tells his sister or anyone else, this was one of the few secrets he ever kept (he doesn't keep it anymore). - Hauke subsequently gains a reputation to be very loyal to Graves/Shadow company. Respected for staying and surviving so long. - Gets K-9 Findus. He didn't train findus himself but learned how to be a handler. - [befriends Harpia (@/tamorisana 's CoD OC) in his time with Shadows] - 35-ish, sister passes away, Hauke is adrift, grieving, and just continues his work to keep his mind busy (and what friends he's made in shadow company alive) - " , Hauke is sent into Las Almas (canon: Alone mission) as part of the teams that search/raid homes and hunt down 141. It isn't (even close to) the first time he's done things like this or attacked/killed civillians on orders of Graves, he initally follows orders out of habit/grieving-numbness but quickly realises that his usual coping method for going against his morals (his sisters health and safety) doesn't exist anymore. - " , Hauke deserts the very same night as soon as he can get away. - ??? - Joins Taskforce Apocrita - [meets Harpia again]

K-9 Findus - aloof - bitey (mostly playbites/noms, will make it hurt if he's done playing) - a slut for table scraps - will sleep on people, usually Hauke

(The entire OC happened cause listening to multiple Shadows questioning the thing they are doing in Las Almas, I kept thinking how cool it would be if one of them went turncoat and helped 141. As such, in Hauke's 'og fic canon' he deserts and helps Soap and Ghost escape Las Almas, gives them everything they got on Graves' setup in the prison and Fuerzas Especiales base, helps if he was permitted to, and eventually is invited to 141 by Price.)

[wastemanjohn]

i don't want this to sound like some attention grabby BS lol but it may end up sounding that way anyway... i'm going on a (hopefully brief) hot girl hiatus. life has been a lot lately... mostly in that my health has taken quite the nosedive. anything medically serious has been ruled out thankfully but the whole process has been A Lot and my life has been turned upside down by it the last month.... i feel pretty terrible most of the time with various weird symptoms that are currently totally unexplained and not having answers for what's causing it is taking a bit of a toll mentally i guess. my friends and family have been great and i've had and am continuing to have truly brilliant healthcare (obligatory love for the NHS moment) - but things have been... really hard.

overall i'm just a bit of a mess rn and i'm finding myself easily upset by silly things on this hellsite... which is not like my thick skinned ass at all and a sign that i'm not finding enough joy in fandom to counteract the bad atm... which worries me greatly tbh. i also just can't keep up with everything right now and that makes me feel bad. i've promised to read a bunch of fics that i haven't read. my brain is too mushy to engage well with all the cool stuff happening in the fandom. my energy is just not there... i can't write with any consistency at the moment because i can't concentrate and writing itself is not even enjoyable at the moment which is so upsetting to me. i'm always second guessing. i can't think clearly enough to post anything meaningful either. all of this really sucks when this fandom (and the coolest corner of it - hai dadfucker fuckers ❤️) means a lot to me and makes me so happy usually.

i'm tired mate... i feel like my life is on hold. i spend a lot of time lying around not doing much atm and its so frustrating... i like being a busy person but i cant cope with being a busy person atm and i just don't feel like myself at all. and i feel really sad that the fandom joy isnt there at the moment.

yeah so i definitely plan to be back but for now i just need a little time out! ily ❤️

[thatturtleleon]

The TFP Autobots Comforting You After the Loss of a Family Member

Note: This ones a bit personal bc my grandma just passed away. This is how i'm coping lol and i hope this brings anyone else in the same situation some comfort <3

Optimus:

He understands loss more than anyone

Honestly all the autobots do, they lost family, friends, their culture, their home, etc.

Optimus knows everyone grieves differently, so he doesn't push you to talk about it

When he finds out/you tell him, he'll say "I'm deeply sorry for your loss (insert name)" and nothing more, unless you want to talk about it

Then of course he's there to listen

I feel like he would be the best person to vent to in this situation, and he would love to hear all about the memories you made with the person you're grieving

Overall he's very gentle with the subject and knows almost exactly what to do

Ratchet:

He's definitely up there when it comes to experiencing loss

Ratchet's a medic, so he's dealt with losing people and handling the reactions of people who have lost people

I'd say he'd be pretty similar to Optimus in this situation

Won't push you to say anything, but is always there if you need him

Checks up on you more often, not in a constant, overwhelming way of course, but in a "subtly makes sure you've eaten, slept, and drank water" way

If you DO want to talk, he's there.

He was working on the computer? Not anymore, his attention is on you

Ratchet isn't as good with words, but he lets you know he's listening by nodding

When you're feeling a bit better, he'd try to make you laugh by repeating some random joke he heard from Raf or Miko, but fails so miserably at making it funny that its actually funny

I think its canon that he has horrible humor lmao i love him sm

Bumblebee:

Once you tell him, he gets noticeably sad, even if you don't express being sad at the moment

Completely understands if you don't wanna talk about it and offers to take you on a drive for a distraction

He'll look extra hard for any radio stations that have your favorite songs

When you do end up talking about whoever passed, he'll listen and probably ask some questions about them

He's curious about how much this person meant to you and wants to be there for you no matter what

Bee's probably curious abt how human funerals work and things like that, and you explain to him that it depends on the culture and family

Bulkhead:

Arguably the sweetest bot

Isn't entirely sure how to handle it at first, but he knows he hates seeing you upset

So he asks about hobbies you like and helps you/is with you while you work on those

He's always bringing up stuff that you like (playing music you like, telling stories you like, etc)

And just like the other bots, he's there to listen if you want to talk

I'd say bulkhead's more on the listening side, he'll occasionally say a comforting phrase, but mostly just nods along

Similar to 'Bee, he'll be curious about how humans handle this sort of situation too

Arcee:

Ohhh boy she knows what its like to lose family

She'll try not to overstep any boundaries, but definitely pushes you to talk about it, at least a little

She knows what its like to keep feelings bottled up

Always makes sure that you know she's there for you

If you really aren't feeling up to talking about it though, you two just silently enjoy a ride or sitting up on top of the base

She'll bring up Cliffjumper a few times, share stories about him

And you share stories about your person

Arcee gives the best advice, especially in dealing with grief, mainly because she's learned from her past struggles with it

[assistingpaws]

hello i need some help i would love some advice <3

so I’m questioning being a system.

I don’t want to be diagnosed or speak to a medical professional about this. I don’t like therapy, and I already do way too much of it. I am a very, very self-aware person and I am doing super well and hav awesome mental health at the moment :D also, I have seen people say they were denied HRT for being a system at the hospital here and that’s not something I’d like to risk! (Though I believe it’s more complicated than that. I just. Don’t want to deal with doctors)

I feel like I’ve got system experiences happening.. but lite version.

There’s a couple characters in my head that come in and out, as they please. If I pay them more attention, or do activities they like, they come out more. Sometimes they ‘front’. One is very happy as he’s from a book series and has found someone who kins his boyfriend . So he found his bf which is epic.

One thing is mainly with OCs like I think about them a lot and get really into detail with them and role-play them and then one day they just start replying on their own!

I have had severe, long term trauma that would’ve caused this (I understand you are pro-endo, this is just sharing my experience), but this is mostly a new development. In fact it’s been an almost entirely positive one and came as my mental health has gotten better. It’s also helping me cope a lot as I am very, very lonely, I don’t see people much, and they keep me company.

It’s not severe. Everyone is generally pretty nice, and I usually find it pretty funny - they get frustrated that it’s condescending but I can flick them away! It doesn’t affect my life much, and only positively. Most of the time it’s just me in my head, they just pop in every now and again, whether it be for a one-liner or a few hours or a couple days - the most it’s ever been is weeks and that was because I let her talk a lot.

Does this make me a system? Do I have to have DID or OSDD? I just have guys living in my head. They’re generally pretty positive. If someone is causing issues I get rid of them or use mental health management strategies I already have in place. It doesn’t really cause me any issues. I’m driving the body, they come in and make comments sometimes, and then occasionally take over.

Sorry for the long ask… Thank you!!!

The longer ask is fine! It'd best to get as much context as possible.

Honestly you do sound plural to us! But we can't really say if you have did or odd or anything similar bc well we aren't a health professional and it isn't the best idea for us to diagnose you djdjdj (but we do suggest looking over the symptoms of them if you suspect it! I am not telling you that you must get it professionally diagnosed if you don't want to though! It's ur choice there!)

You can call yourself a sys (or at the very least plural) if it explains ur experiences! None who opinion matters would care if you do!

[qzwrites]

Based on that last post, I was thinking about the Theory Of Romance Novels (especially as found in Romancing the Beat) that the components of a romance story fill some lack or need in each other.

So basically the void in Jaz's life that Sasha is filling is a: job dissatisfaction which is caused by b: the fatal american need to have a pretty good time (desire for Adventure and Shenanigans)

The romance novel part is from Jaz's POV so I figured that out pretty early on, even if I don't know that I ever made it explicit in any of my notes or anything. I mean that's why I have already roughed out the scene where Sasha grandly presents Jaz zeir very own ship to captain and Jaz is like "Oh. It turns out I don't want this actually." And then when ze tries to explain that like. Being a mercenary owner-captain is not going to be nearly as exciting without him around, Sasha is like AAAAA okay this is objectively nuts it has been three months but marry me? Like, the Thematic Point of that scene is pretty clear even if I do end up changing parts of it later, I think the bones of that scene are going to stick around. I have in fact referred to it in installments set in the future lmao.

But I just now thought about what Sasha is getting from Jaz here, which is mostly: LESS KAVAGORAN. Part of Miles Vorkosigan's problem is how Very Barrayaran he is, and his struggles with reconciling those values with his objective inability to embody parts of them. He does this with increasingly unhealthy coping mechanisms until he literally fries his brain and trashes his career, and I think it's pretty important for Miles specifically that he doesn't meet the future Lady Vorkosigan until he has become Even More Disabled and unavoidably so--and in a Very Barrayaran position that is simultaneously NOT REMOTELY the career path of his father or grandfather.

But Sasha necessarily (in order to get him to be more willing to acknowledge how into Jaz he is) (Miles is transparently into Bel he's just mired in internalized homophobia THIS IS TEXT retroactive text but text!!!) is a little older and had a little more success Being An Officer, it's just that his moral compass wouldn't allow him to. Be part of a military organization. Which is kind of a problem for a Kavagoran. But Sasha also spent more (or at least paid more attention to) time on Gnilles, plus he made it through the Academy, which I refuse to believe is anything other than a hotbed of furtive bicurious exploration that everyone studiously pretends does not happen, so Sasha is not nearly as concerned about being into men or nonbinary people as Miles is when he meets Jaz.

But importantly, he still has to make the Wild Series of Decisions that leads to him inventing a fake mercenary troupe and suborning an entire ship until everything snowballs out of control and he solves a civil war, so he's still Having A Time. He feels out of place in Kavagoran society, much like Miles frequently did as a youth, except this isn't youthful growing pains, this is...him taking a moral stand and a career hit and not regretting that, which kind of DOES make him regret the fact that he's planned his whole life out around a thing he's not sure he believes in as much as he thought he did. He's Too Old-Fashioned for the modern Kavagoran military (believes too much in honor and morality, which he chalks up to Being !Vor, but is really like. Pretty specific to a Certain Type of nobility who understand the Spider-Man Principle, which is not actually the entire nobility--either on Kavagor or Barrayar!) but also Sasha is Too Modern for traditional Kavagoran society (visibly disabled, absolutely reliant on modern medical technology to live any semblance of an independent life) (i mean not anymore, most of his accessibility needs now are like. extremely old technology like "joint braces" and "cane"). He's feeling at a loss! And useless! He's too Gnillesian for Kavagor but still too Kavagoran for Gnilles, and really, it's a nice planet but he's not going to build a life there! Even if it is Part Of Him!

And while shuffling through this crisis of identity he runs across Jean, a tunnel pilot who is ready to go down with the obsolete ship, and is like, Oh no this loser is My People. Plus the cyborg/disability resonance with Jean, who has literally been obsoleted by his assistive technology becoming obsolete, and was definitely being talked about like he was human garbage (as much as Gnillesians talk like that about anyone, which is more than they would claim). Sasha does the same exact scam Miles does (why fix what isn't broken, especially since it can be Humorous Backstory for why he has become a con man) and is suddenly saddled with a need to Make Money, which he has. Never attempted.

He also picks up Dimitri, who is the foil to the OTHER part of Sasha's predicament, which is: he deserted, yes, technically in the heat of battle, yes, but also, he was given a criminal order he refused to carry out and couldn't think of another way to handle the situation. Unlike Sasha, Dimitri is not a noble with connections; he's just some prole who did well in the engineering corps. He deserts to save his skin and his morals, and Sasha is like, Oh no THIS loser is ALSO My People.

(Helen gets to have the cultural knee-jerk revulsion of Dimitri as a deserter, especially since she is resentful that she isn't allowed to join up even though she would literally be better than half the fucking assholes in the military. She's unable to get even a nod of recognition from the military apparatus, and Dimitri THREW IT AWAY. She is a lot more sympathetic when she learns more about the criminal order, and conflicted about the dissonance, even though it's personal in a different way for her than for Sasha. She also gets concrete confirmation that he's Not Like Other Kavagoran Men, since around a bunch of galactics and hitting it off with Jaz, Dimitri is very chill about things like women with jobs, women soldiers, queer people, etc. He's...less immediately cool about Sasha's disabilities but he's trying? It's condescending and unhelpful, but still better than most Kavagorans' reaction. At which point she's like...okay Dimitri say more about the fact that you have a thing for me.)

But while Sasha is more okay with his queerness and his weird half/nothing cultural identity, and he's gotten better at working within his physical limitations, he's still, like, closeted about his disabilities. As much as he can be when it's visible that he's Not Right--he doesn't use his cane, he dresses to hide his leg brace or any other braces he needs, he tries not to call attention to his height, he does still also get his clothes tailored to "correct" his asymmetries, etc. He's constantly downplaying his needs and differences, mostly because of Kavagoran attitudes, but also like tbh most galactics who aren't Gnillesian are also still pretty ableist. He (feels he) gets more respect and better results when he Puts On A Brave Face and tries to look as "normal" as possible.

It really helps that Jaz is immediately thirsty for him TBH. Like, Jaz is Objectively Attractive, and also specifically attractive to Sasha, and ze is down so bad. Ze is practically vibrating with how hard ze's holding back asking to suck him off. (And, when they do get together, continues to be Very Enthusiastic while also actively attempting to accomodate him before he asks. Like, ze double checks how much force ze can use in normal things like "flipping them over on the bed". Ze asks what positions are easier for him before he hurts himself pretending he can do something. Ze asks about his comfort levels with his assistive devices and other parts of his body being touched, and doesn't push him [until ze knows him much better and is more capable of judging when he's being conservative out of shame].)

And it helps that Jaz has a non-normative body. Like, ze's totally normal to zemself, and to Sasha, and to Helen and Sasha's family (...not the Baron. is the Baron dead yet? I think so. Someone should definitely make a tasteless joke about this killing him.) but is Not Normal to Kavagor, and frankly to most galactics. Like, ambis are definitely the most well-represented third gender, people know about them, but there are few enough of them that leave Gnilles that most people don't know one personally and have never met one. Even on Gnilles, they're a minority. A large, visible minority that most Gnillesians would proclaim their pride in, but...mathematically, we know that's not true, don't we? Ambis are not half of the population of Gnilles, as they would be if everyone let chance decide the sex of their baby. They're not even an even third of the population, as they would be in a true gender ternary. They're like a quarter of the population, and most ambis are born to families that are either not fiddling with their embryos or already have ambis in their immediate family. Jaz is marked out as different in most places, despite having grown up thinking of zemself as totally normal.

And by the time Sasha meets zem, ze's been out in the galaxy for nearly ten years, Being A Minority and having to baby people through seeing zem naked. Yet, far from attempting to hide it, or blend in, ze is almost aggressively nonchalant about it. Like, ze is so Not Making A Big Deal About This that it almost shames people around zem into being cool. Ze's totally even and chill about people saying wildly offensive shit, just like "Interesting, can you expand on that?" like people aren't being weird. Ze is matter of fact about correcting misconceptions. Ze doesn't often get worked up (in public) about people being dumbasses, but ze is also not altering zeir behavior about it; ze is going to keep being openly zemself regardless of how other people feel about it. If you cannot deal with someone in the locker room wearing a sports bra and a jockstrap, that's your fucking problem, not zeirs.

And that strategy, of Pointedly Normalizing Zemself, works fine for zem. It also makes it clear when people are being unreasonable that they are the ones being unreasonable, not Jaz. Sasha will adopt more of that attitude moving forward, starting with being pan and having an ambi spouse who is very much not his wife, and moving on into using his cane in public or wearing clothes that don't conceal his braces. Why would he not use his cane? His leg's acting up and not using it will only make things worse. Why are you looking at him like that? If you don't have anything to say, at least get out of the way, he needs slightly more room to maneuver than people without mobility aids.

Jaz has also had to grapple with the contradiction of Gnillesian technology enabling passive eugenics. Like I said, ambis are not the proportion of the population they are genetically designed to be. Few people actively say they wouldn't have a baby runt, but few people choose one, if they're not already an Ambi Family. Most Gnillesians "just happen" to want girls or boys. Like most Gnillesians "just happen" to want hearing babies, and babies without developmental disabilities. There are ways the Gnillesian medical profession (with guidance and, let's face it, pressure, from the disability communities) try to limit this, but there is a fair argument to be made that screening for embryos with conditions that would endanger the viability of the infant or the health of a mother (even though few babies are carried to term in an embedded womb) is necessary. There are things they won't tell parents about unless asked, and there are things that basically never had tests developed (because people were like THE ONLY POSSIBLE USE FOR THIS IS EUGENICIST), but it's really hard to correct a societal problem on an individual level. Every individual (or couple or polycule or whatever) parent has fair and valid reasons to feel they could not care for certain kinds of babies.

There are still fewer runts born than there should be. There are still fewer little people born than there should be. There are still fewer deaf babies born than there should be.

Jaz is not unreservedly for all Gnillesian advances and norms, because some of them are bad. Ze is part of communities (ambi and queer) that are critical of some aspects of Gnillesian culture, for reasons that aren't as in your face as similar issues on Kavagor and other "less developed" planets.

Importantly, ze is also willing to fight back against those societal issues, even when they seem insurmountable. Less so for zeir own sake, but ze is super willing to fight people about being ableist or sexist, and Sasha feels more equipped to fight people for being binarist and cissexist on Jaz's behalf. They have each other's backs, and Jaz provides the support and security on top of the inspiration for Sasha to draw a line in the sand and say, no, I'm not budging on this. You move.

Lmao I think to some extent Sasha makes Jaz feel adventurous and exciting, while Jaz makes Sasha feel safe. Sasha's going to get into messes, into which Jaz will eagerly follow him, and together, they can clean them up.

Jaz would also be extremely amused by the idea that ze's providing the safety and security in their relationship. Yeah ze's so stable lmao (but Sasha has always had external stability--he has a rich and powerful family, or he wouldn't have survived to be an adult who doesn't feel comfortable being unreservedly himself; Jaz has always been unreservedly zemself, which is part of why ze was restless even while doing the objectively high-risk mercenary work.)

[thelikesoffinn]

What does a social worker do? At their job I mean. I thought they were mostly volunteers, you know, everyday-helpers without any specific knowledge? Because I can't really underatand how you know so much about trauma and coping and stuff, do you need that at work?

I'm sorry if it's dumb to asks, but we don't have social workers in my country, me thinks, so I'm really confused.

Ugh, straight to the heart, petal! How could you! (Jk ily all good I swear ❤️)

What a social worker does really depends on the country you live in. So I can't 100% narrow it down to a specific explanation because a social worker from the US, one from South Korea and I will all work really differently.

But, in most countries, at least a bachelors degree is needed to become a social worker. In my country specifically, it can be in social work, social paediatrics, social sciences (with limitations), sociology (with limitations), early childhood paediatrics, and paediatrics. Each of these courses essentially teach the same things with different focal points - social pediatrics will pay more attention to upbringing, education and such while social sciences are more focused on social sciences are more concerned about societies influence on the individual and so on. (Personally, I'm a huge advocate for social work as a major, btw. It combines social paediatrics, social sciences, paediatrics, and sociology, which gives you a well-rounded skill set.)

As for what exactly we do...well, that really really depends. On your country, as stated priorly, and then on the area you work in. In my country, social workers are basically everywhere.

We work in hospitals, hospices, retirement homes, and homes for the disabled and sanatoriums. We work in schools, kindergartens, and orphanages. We work in jails, courts, and police stations - both with victims and offenders. We work in offices where we do counselling for refugees, parents, pregnant people, couples, youths, elderly, those with debt, those with ailments, and those who just need help.

We're mediators, we're financial advisors, we're there to explain medical mumbo jumbo in simple layman's terms, we're there to find out why a teen doesn't want to go to school anymore, we're the people who carry abused children away from their abusive families, and we're there to make sure a victim isn't harmed further just because the police and the court can't be bothered to protect their boundaries.

So, as you can tell, it's pretty difficult to narrow down what exactly a social worker does because we pretty much do everything. Especially in my country, because we don't need extra licenses of anything.

Once you've got your bachelors degree, you can work in all those areas I mentioned, which obviously requires a pretty extensive education and knowledge in many different fields.

But the one thing all those areas have in common is the main question social workers run by.

"What does the individual need to live the life they want?"

So, in all those areas, we always listen to the individual - their wants and fears - and then take a good look at them - their history, the people around them as well as where they live and where they grew up. That is always in order to find out what resources the individual already has and which one we can still activate but also to see what is still missing so that the individual gets to live the life they want.

So, as an example, let's say we have... Thomas O'Malley. A dude in his mid-30s, recently released from jail. His charges read drug abuse and causing bodily harm while under the influence.

Now that he's out, he needs to find both a job and a flat, and he wants to get back into playing football. Jail helped him to get clean, but now that he's out, he's scared that he might relapse. And lastly, Thomas really wants to see his daughter Mary again, but his ex-wife Duchesse doesn't want him to.

As a social worker, we'd write that list down and then get to the questions to find out what resources Thomas already has. Maybe his brothers best friend owns an apartment building and is willing to rent one to him? And if he's scared he might relapse, is there anyone that would stay with him for a while so that he's not alone? At least until we can secure a buddy for him?

After that, we start to weave our own things into it. I'm going to make a pretty generic list down there so that you can imagine what it would look like:

1. Flat: Maybe rent from brothers' friend - call friend to find out what would be required.

2. Job: Call Mr. Jones from the Work Bureau so that Thomas is in their system so that potential employers can reach out to him. Also, since the client mentioned he has issues with writing a CV, contact Eric from the Job Bureau to hook him up with a free CV course

3. Football as a hobby - Contact Michael from the football association and ask about a trial session for their hobby league and what documents would be necessary to join

4. Relapse - Talk to Miss O'Malley, Thomas' parents, about staying with them until a buddy is available. Contact Miss Evernever from the BuddyProject to make sure Thomas is on their list and will be assigned a live-in buddy soon.

5. His daughter Mary - Contact either Miss Duchesse or her lawyer/social worker/whatever to find out why she doesn't want Thomas near Mary and what would need to happen before he's allowed to see her again and what middle ground can be found until then.

So as you can see, there's a lot of calling and e-mailing and all that stuff. Since i'm all about you helping yourself, I'd let the client do the calling themself as much as possible.

So if we stick with Thomas, I would let him deal with 1 - 3 himself - bar the CV course, because you mostly need to know someone to get into those easily, so I'd do that one - and I personally would do 4 and 5.

4 because it's often better if a "person of authority" makes such calls because it highlights a certain amount of pressure and serves as reassurance that the client actually wants that help and 5 because firstly, Duchesse herself may be more willing to talk to someone who's neutral, and secondly...well, if I talk to them first, I can make sure to phrase any information that is relayed to Thomas in a way that won't harm him, which mitigates the chance of a desperation-driven relapse.

That rundown is pretty much standard and can be shoved into any available area of social work. But of course, it's really only the very basic core of the job itself, and there's much more to it than just that. What exactly depends on where you're working and who you're working with. But I hoped this helped paint a picture for you!

[spot-the-ableism]

[IMAGE ID 2: a series of screenshots by the user spot-the-ableism, Gerrysherry, Spot-the-antisemitism. the first one by spot-the-ableism says "on a alt rn, and kinda sick. but yeah, 100% I'm actually moots with him on another account. it's half I think him being in incredible pain and on hardcore painkillers + a mixture of a shit ton of different meds and half him being a fucking dickhead. wish I knew how to get some sense into him, but idk. he's def not a troll he's just a dickhead and does not know he's being a fucking dickhead, and does not at all think before he types. he's not a bad guy he's just a dick -1" the next one continuing in the thread says "he does this alot, he is on anti-psychotics and has Bipolar and does suffer from withdrawl from them at times bc his providers suck. I have a strong feeling that's happening again, I ain't defending his actions but I also do not believe in harassing ppl who are having episodes. someone does need to tell him off. -2" the thread continues "he has both good and horrible, horrible takes. he has a good heart but also he's genuinely a fucking dick, and easily falls for propaganda. love and hate him honestly, I don't want anything bad happening to him but also he's a fucking dickhead. -3" the thread continues "mixed opinions, he's an asshole and should shut the hell up sometimes. but also he's not a bad guy he just fucking sucks and needs to learn to shut up and turn the pc off when shit gets bad or get his BFF to moderate his inbox or something. ughhgghghghhhh. -4" the thread continues "I COMPLETELY TAKE IT BACK, NAH he's in the fucking wrong. BIG TIME. this is the straw that breaks the camels back my god. I didn't;t see any of the newer stuff . wtffffffff -5" the thread continues with the user gerrysherry's comment "@spot-the-ableism OK no "he's on meds all the time" is not an excuse for him to screech "I'm more oppressed than you" or "silence filty zionist" at any pushback and paints medication users badly by claiming it's not him but the meds" the thread continues with the user spot-the-ableism "Nope it is not an excuse nor does it make what he said okay, but it is an explanation of why he does randomly go on incredibly angry and defensive rants in general. Tbh I was not aware he had fallen so hard for the propaganda in the month or 2 I was not paying attention. Which is why I took most of it back, but what he said was not okay at all. Period." the next picture is a new thread by spot-the-ableism that reads "I meant before in general not in this specific case, having hardcore painkillers or other meds doesn’t make you bigoted that’s something that’s already there. I was trying to say that we should be mindful that he can and could be experiencing medication problems, and we shouldn’t go harassing people. I just want to make sure any harassment doesn’t happen to him AGAIN as he does not cope and has attempted before in the past due to harassment. Still should be called out-1" the thread continues "Still should be held accountable, he’s in the wrong and being utterly awful and horrible. But that again in general is not an excuse to harass people who are struggling already with an onslaught of harassment and hate anon’s and has for the last 4 years. Block him, swear at him, whatever, you don’t need to go fight him he won’t listen anyway. -2" the thread continues with a comment by the user spot-the-antisemitism "@spot-the-ableism I have never tried to fight him I mostly screenshotted things I made the mistake of reblogging him once and got instant harrasment" the thread continues with the user spot-the-ableism "@spot-the-antisemitism Nah not talking about you, just making sure the followers know. As I’m more worried about that, hell your followers will probably get their money’s worth of hate speech if they send asks. It’s more a “guys it’s a losing battle it just doesn’t work people have tried” the thread continues "@spot-the-antisemitism Because they will get also harassed severely by peeper, I just don’t want your followers to get hurt. Genuinely, it’s not worth it" END ID]

to set the record straight, as I have zero things to hide.

[IMAGE ID: a tumblr post by user crippled-peeper, it is a reblog chain of 3 posts. It reads “accuses me of “race faking” because I talked about being a refugee from Katrina checks my bio again first line: white man” next reblog reads “idk what’s more fucked up, that these bloggers are named “spot the antisemitism” or “ spot the ableism” or the fact that they are so racist and ableist they think the only way a white person could be a refugee is if they’re making it up” next post reads “ “you can’t be a refugee and disagree with me!!! Everyone knows that I am the arbiter of who is and isn’t a refugee as someone who lives in a gated community in the USA !!! Don’t you know I RUN A BLOG?!?!?” The tags read “#I’m so glad other people are im agreement that these kids are actual clowns not to be taken seriously at all” END ID:]

I never said or insinuated that you were not a climate refugee, nor that you were a racefaker

above is proof, I have not edited the posts nor want to. You have the reblogs to prove I in fact did not edit anything.

the things you are claiming I “did” were things that spot-the-antisemitism did and said.

intracommunity ableism is still ableism, hate speech against both Jewish and other disabled people is not okay, you can be both completely totally right to call out spot-the-antisemitism’s ableism and commit hate speech against random Jewish and disabled people. You can do both, nuance exists.

me calling you out on harmful behaviour and inciting hate speech is not a bad nor immoral thing I’d hope you would do it to me.

Link 1

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if you are mad at me swearing at you may I remind you that you have committed way worse acts of hate speech and yet I gave you benefit of the doubt. People are allowed to swear at people.

i have said you may be having a horrible time right now due to medication troubles and that people should not harass you regardless. And that they should keep in mind that you have been through a lot and do not want harassment. I do also humbly apologise for swearing it was wrong of me to and not conducive to anything helpful.

if anything I have been way too forgiving, what you have said to many well meaning and non-ableist/normal disabled people has been utterly vile and yet do I use that against you? Yet do I say those same things towards you? Yet do I mean to hurt or harass you? No.

I live my life, you live yours, I care about you enough to actually call out people who do wish to hurt you. I shouldn’t, but I do. If you return my very calm and sincere response with the same energy and hatred that you usually do it is not in good faith.

you are having a hard time, a hard time always. And I do not wish to contribute to that. But I cannot stay silent and let others be hurt by what you do and you say. Words do effect reality, there are people behind these screens and I am one, and I am writing this sincerely.

again why am I ableist when I was the one to in fact call out and hold spot-the-antisemitism accountable, and explain why it was bad? I spotted the ableism, simple as that.

I am no wimp, or coward if you wish to call me horrible things I am proud to Bare it.

As I do with all things.

sincerely a disabled person who was told way worse things than this over the course of my childhood.

if you do say "KYS" or any variation of it I will be reporting you.

as that. is. hate. speech. and violent speech which. is. not. legal.

I have not discriminated against you nor malgendered you, I have only sweared at you at the worst (and called out that fakeclaiming and spewing violent hate speech is unacceptable), if anything I have been on your side on most of this.

this comes from a place of love, not hatred.

[targtowers]

Adding onto ADHD Aegon here, substance abuse and hypersexuality is something that can come up with that condition. He's essentially self medicating with alcohol because it's the only way to keep his mind from spiralling out of control. The hypersexuality I think is twofold, stemming from neglect and as a sensory/stim seeking behavior. It replaces the affection he feels he never got and provides a dopamine hit that his brain sorely needs. Attention deficit is obvious in how oblivious he tends to be and most of the time he looks like he's spacing out.

I don't think constructive hobbies were encouraged either and he obviously has very little interest in anything that isn't sex or violence. He doesn't know that things can feel good that aren't harmful and he has very little care in finding out, his mother raised him in one of those environments where good is suffering and sin is pleasure. He has no interest in good because it doesn't feel good.

There's a lot of aspects to ADHD that I can't get into due to us not seeing enough of him in canon so the rest is speculation

it's a little unfortunate that so much neglect was handed to him since we saw how his nameday was so heavily celebrated. you would think that he would've been like joffrey in the sense that his parents would do anything for him and dote on him like a child even when he isn't. but since he's not and that isn't what he gets we just see a child raising themselves in all the shitty ways a privileged rich kid would. up to no good while doing no good things. as you and the other anon are pointing out a diagnosis that you are acquainted with i can not speak on that personally since i do not have a diagnosis myself but i can see where mental health for him is something that is touch and go. mostly in ways that others might overlook. since it is reckless behavior and highly sexual behavior(unfortunately problematic behavior as well) i think it's easy for people to just look at him like he doesn't care about ANYTHING.

at least he gives off a deeper struggle with tgc explaining how he goes about playing his role as aegon. based off that depiction i think it's safe to say that his environment and lack of attention/affection has played a very big severely wounding role in his emotional and mental associations to people places or things. what am i saying? i guess i just think that it's not an excuse for some people to say he was abandoned that's why he acts the way he does. he was indeed abandoned. does it make his coping mechanisms okay? absolutely not. does it explain some things? i thinks so.

is he representation for a certain diagnosis? i can't say without feeling the need to explain or warn that not everyone with a similar diagnosis or symptoms of a certain diagnosis would act like aegon. his diagnosis or reference to or just what it might come across as does not excuse any of his bad behaviors but conversations like this are nice to have. again, this is just a conversation and something to think about and realize that many things were done wrong or completely missed. parents can not be blamed forever for bad behavior or patterns but they surely do impact what a child does or doesn't do given the timing and scenario. if aegon were loved and given attention would he have done or acted the way he does now? we do not and can not know. i hope i'm making sense. sorry if i'm repeating myself it's late and i want to play genshin cause my mind is tired haha

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

[trigger warning: CSA and STD's] Hey I'd like advice on this situation if you have any but mostly I just want validation/someone to listen. I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was a young child and I never told anyone, and I recently found out he has genital herpes (and had it when he abused me.) So I've been trying to figure out what the fuck to do about that. Most health websites say not to bother getting tested for herpes if you don't have symptoms because it doesn't really matter, and I'm terrified of doctors so I really don't want to get tested. But I keep worrying that I might have it and that I'll transmit it to someone someday (I'm a lesbian and I don't think I'd ever want to have anyone touch me in that area, but I'm worried someday I'll change my mind and have to explain all this to a partner? Or that I'll somehow transmit it anyway? Idk). I thought I was coping with the trauma really well before this news but now I feel disgusting and every time anyone mentions STD's/sexual health I need to go lay in bed for a few hours and cry. I don't really have any support system right now and I live with my family who doesn't know any of this happened. On top of that, the brother that abused me still stops by to visit every once in a while. So yeah. Thank you for listening to me

Your feelings are valid, and it's normal to feel disgusting after being assaulted, even though it doesn't actually make you disgusting. I'm sorry you don't have any support system, and that you have to stay with your family who is unaware of the abuse, and that you have to see your abuser when he stops by. That sounds so difficult to deal with.

You may or may not have genital herpes. If it would make you feel better to know one way or another, you can ask a doctor for the testing. The reason why they discourage testing is that the blood test isn't especially reliable and will give you a positive if you have cold sores. Because of the stigma, people who get a positive result are often extremely distressed about it, and if it turns out they only have cold sores and not genital herpes, it causes a lot of unnecessary distress/harm. But ultimately, it is your choice, and you have every right to request testing if it would make you feel better. But if you do not want to be tested because you're afraid of doctors, or because you don't want to risk a false positive causing emotional distress, that is 100% valid and you do not need to go get tested.

If you do get an outbreak/visible symptoms, you may want to get them swabbed (you can ask the doctor if you can swab the suspected sore yourself if you do not want the doctor to touch you). A swab is the most accurate way to get a diagnosis, and will give you a clearer answer than a blood test, so it's okay to wait for that. Also, if you get symptoms/an outbreak, there is medication for it that will treat the symptoms as well as decrease the likelihood of spreading that you can discuss with a doctor at that point. Again, seeking medical attention for that is not required if you're not comfortable with that.

It is important to be open and honest with any new intimate partners as herpes is transmitted by skin-to-skin contact and not just by direct intercourse (so while skin-on-skin cuddling is pretty low-risk, it is not risk-free). But you do not need to actually get tested in order to have honest conversations about sexual history/sexual health. It's okay to tell a partner "I may have been exposed to genital herpes due to childhood abuse, but have not had laboratory confirmation, and have not had an outbreak before/my last outbreak was X years ago". The conversation might be awkward to have the first time, but it's not the end of the world. During the conversation, you may be surprised to even find out that your partner already has it (it's very common!).

There is a lot of stigma attached to genital herpes, and I'm sorry. It might help to look at herpes-positivity resources even though you don't know if you have it, in order to better cope with the possibility/idea of having it. Most people who have herpes continue to live normal lives. While there is a lot of stigma, most people with herpes do manage to find love if they want it. Antiviral medication like acyclovir or valacyclovir can reduce the risk of transmission, and many people in long-term relationships decide their love for the other person outweighs the risk of infection and are willing to accept the possibility they might catch it (especially if primarily engaging in lower-risk activities).

This resource is primarily for people who have been diagnosed with herpes already, but may be helpful to you: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex/herpes/living-with-herpes

- Mod Allison

[noodlesandbeefleftovers]

Dunno who actually made this, but the amount of people that this will resonate with is probably really small. Found it on Twitter, has 12 likes.

He looks like a super cool dude. You guys should give him a like or a follow. Black lives matter! 😘

It's just weird how the image of Trump (a human being, regardless of political agenda) gasping for breath is somehow amusing, but it's on brand with his spooky movie theme.

Sadly, it seems you people have a shitty sense of justice. Sure, we'd all like for bad guys to face consequences, but only proportional to the crime. Someone selling lose cigarettes shouldn't have been suffocated to death. Someone making a grossly misdirected decision that ended up killing people is hella morally reprehensible, and him dying because of the same thing he caused would be poetic justice but REALITY ISN'T A GODDAMN POEM.

This is mostly to the WHITE BEAR COMMUNITY: You'll condemn and share memes and be a catty asshole to EVERYONE who doesn't meet your standards of "perfection" (skinny, wrong kind of fat, fem, poc, non-muscley, hairless and more!) and then those who do miraculously (steroids) achieve said standards, you'll lust and dispose of, because you never saw them as humans. You're so focused on encouraging a hyper-toxic version of "masculinity" you yourselves hyped the popularity of silicone ball injections, and even after everything, still make and keep making these people famous.

Again, that is something super hypocritical because you've the power to do something about it right now and you don't.

You have all the info you need without doing your creepy "investigative" guesswork. You could call him out after getting all your catty friends together to help him raise money to get the implants out before it's too late. See him as more than a piece of meat with a debilitating and ultimately fatal attention seeking disorder and be with him to help him cope with his choices. Could go on an information campaign to those 30k+ guys following him. But you won't. You have ALL the power to do so, but instead you're probably just gonna share the noodles meme to get 12 likes. You're disgusting and for the good of everyone, I sincerely hope you'll grow the fuck up.

VOTE.

Get those tax loopholes shut. Gun reform. Medical care for ALL. Cop accountability. Then and only then will things start to come to justice, otherwise Trump is just the beginning and NO, he didn't learn shit from any of it as neither have you. The collective you is the problem.

BLACK LIVES MATTER!

[writingstuffandmore]

A small message..

Please read

Hi, people. So, these days a lot of things were and are going on. I just wanted to share a small message with you all. You may or may not agree but dears the thing is that everyone has a way to cope with things going on their own lives.

During the early times, there weren't many talks or discussions about health issues or mental health issues because of 1. Lack of awareness and other things as technology was and is developing 2. The most important factor is that in the early cultures we had the system of joint families or even if we lived in a small town or village that whole place acted as a one single family where we could speak to the person with whom we were comfortable, they provided the much needed support and many such other important factors.

But as in today's world, people are moving towards more nucleated and individualistic approach which is required for career life and all but we are ignoring our own health, mental health and emotional health which is the biggest major concern and issue and because of which new therapies, medications, motivational talk shows, emphasis on Yoga and other sport activities and excerises are given up on. The stress from environment, working place, education institutions and tensions for family and by family are the major cause of psychological disorders and unbalanced mental health.

At times, our own close family members, relatives or our friends ditch us or cause severe family issues without understanding the point how much it's going to affect the person who has to deal with it and in the case of family affairs, it's about different opinions and perspectives; they aren't sorting out their own differences and come to a settlement instead they are after the concerned person to look into the matters and I shouldn't be saying that if one of the family member harasses another, why are the matters being dropped out because of societal factors and pressure. This severely affects the mental well being of the victim and what not. And because of all these factors, the person either suffers from a severe disorder, is afraid of all the people around him or herm or goes for the extreme step.

Our work place and some educational institutions too intentionally or unitentionally create a lot of stress and work load upon the kids and young adults as we all know that comparisons whether among peers, our own age level mates or some different institutions are made people thrive to do better but most of the times these pressures get too much for the brain and then slowly and steadily problems occur etc The issues and many factors of the list go on.

I just wanna say that people if someone is trying to survive and coming out of his/her cocoon and sufferings from the disorder please support. Most of the time people don't speak not because they are ashamed or its the symptom of the particular disorder but because of what they or how they should say a thing or should not say. I agree that biological basis play the crucial role role in cognitive factors and development of the brain and body but now the major cases that have been occurring are mostly based upon the environmental factors, cultural and societal factors. Trust me when I say that these people labelled as "Attention Seekers" aren't attention seekers because the ones who really want attention might not do the those things and steps which these people do or take because they don't have anyone to talk because they feel they might burden their loved ones, or they don't know how to express themselves or they are so lost into the small world of their own that that we find each of their habits peculiar and these people genuinely require attention and care, they haven't asked us to look after them. We do it because we Care for them and love them, So, people for the sake of humanity please don't send send any hate or something against them because it's not their fault that they are going through it right? Your one smile, your one one small appreciation can make their day and improve their health.

We already have lost so so many beautiful and kind souls to these insensitive people who are too ignorant to understand the importance and vitality of the issue. I personally have heard and seen young people and especially parents of the young ones crying and asking whether their kids will be back to normal state or not and they have admitted that they might have a role of what happened to the concerned person.

Let's all try to spread some awareness and try to motivate and talk to people who are going through a hard time.

Thank you for reading...

[roguethewriter]

Writing Characters with Depression

Ah, mental illness representation! So accurate and diverse!

Said no one ever.

Depression is one of the mental illnesses that are slowly entering the mainstream and becoming less stigmatised. Still, media and literature get a lot of things wrong. You're reading this, so clearly you're interested in what they're doing wrong, so you don't do it. You want to give me a well-rounded amazing character with depression in which we can feel represented, right? WELL, THANKS ANGEL, LET ME HELP YOU.

A couple of things before we start:

‌This is mostly based on personal experience. Mental illness manifests and feels different for different people, so always aim to have a variety of perspectives.

‌Trigger Warning: We're going to discuss some aspects about depression that might upset and hit too close to home to some people, so proceed with caution.

‌I'm not going to go into detail about the symptons, causes and treatment, as this is not a medical manual, but a writing guide. So we'll be focusing more about positive characterisation of people with depression in literature/media.

Let's get to it. And why you're at it, have a Malteeser for everytime I say the D word here.

How depression might feel for someone who has it:

‌Lack of energy

‌A feeling of constant fatigue

‌Hopelessness, thinking things are never going to get better

‌Losing interest in things, even things you used to love

‌Inability to concentrate, even on simple tasks like reading something or watching a tv show

‌Not seeing the point of living

‌Feeling like everything bad that happens is your fault

‌Seeing things in a negative light

‌A lack of self-esteem and self-worth

‌Loss of sex drive

‌Feeling irritable

‌Feeling suicidal

How can it manifest?

‌Sleeping too much or too little

‌Eating too much or nothing at all

‌Being self-deprecating, even if it's in a funny way

‌Withdrawing oneself from social activities

‌Moving and talking slowly

‌Neglecting one's appearance, ie. Not showering in days, not brushing your teeth, wearing the same clothes over and over

‌Abusing substances like alcohol, weed

‌Self-harming

‌Quitting your hobbies

‌Having a messy room, or leaving dishes pile up as you're unable to perform everyday taks

‌Quick to snap and get irritable

This list is not exhaustive, and it's also good to do some research, but these are some clear common signs!

Now, let's go for the bad examples:

Common tropes of characters with depression that make me want to throw away the book/tv to the bin

‌The Oscar the Grouch type: Nothing will make this character smile. They are determined to be a negative nelly and have a big black cloud over their heads.

‌The Sleeping Beauty: how do we know they have depression? Well... They're in bed. People with depression spend all their time in bed, right?

‌The Emo Teen: they wear black, they have studded belts, they wear stripes and eyeliner and listen to MCR, and have a monotone voice... That means they're depressed, right?

‌The eDgY eDgE eDgEdton: Omg, they're depressed, that's so edgy and cool. They wear flannel and write angsty song lyrics with their marker over the wall. They flip tables and cry handsomely while smoking weed. That's depression, right?

‌The Undestructible Teen: Life is tough, parents are getting divorced and Jason has left us for stupid Leyla, but let's not address our problems. We'll cure our depression instead by partying everyday and chugging a bottle of vodka. Oh-oh, have we drunk too much? No worries! There are no consequences to our actions or any long-term impact to our health. We just need the Sensible Friend™ to call us out and we'll grow out of our depression, which brings me to...

‌The Miracle: Did they have depression in episode 1? Well, THEY'RE CURED NOW! And all they had to do is just a little pep talk and get out of bed!

WELL, TO THE RUBBISH BIN TO ALL OF YOU, OFF YOU GO!

Things to take into account when writing depression:

‌Depression is an illness, not a character trait. Although it's true that it shapes the way you think and view the world, depression doesn't define your identity, and people with depression have a personality outside of their mental illness.

‌There are many different types of depression. There is depression with psychosis, there is unipolar depression and then if it's paired with episodes of mania it's called bipolar disorder (comment if you'd like a post on that!). Also, depression can mix differently with other mental illnesses, such as anxiety disorders. Unipolar depression is quite common, but other types need more positive representation too!

‌People with depression still have sense of humour. In fact, some people with depression are actually some of the funniest people. Although depression can make you see everything in a negative light, humour is one of the best coping mechanisms. It can serve as a waybof deflecting attention from themselves so their loved ones don't get worried or making people laugh is the only thing that can lift up their mood. Whatever it is, characters with depression can still be the life of the party.

‌There is not only one way of going through depression. Some people are bed-ridden and have a complete lack of energy, but some people seem to be quite high-functioning, go to work, do the groceries, but feel miserable inside. Some people might even go through both things through their lifetime. The point is that depression affects everyone differently, and it varies according to the type of depression you have, your life situation, and even the stage in which you're in.

‌It's not just sadness. Sometimes, it's not sadness at all. It might be lack of energy, hopelessness, a sense of losing direction and purpose, and in the darkest of times, losing the will to live, to keep fighting. It's important to understand the spectrum of emotions if you're writing a character witj depression and not reduce it to just "a bad mood".

‌Depression is not always due to trauma. The majority of the stories of depression we hear is a person reacting to a major life event: the death of a relative, parents divorcing, losing a job... But sometimes there is not a real life trigger from depression. Sometimes, it's a chemistry imbalance or simply a hereditary cause (attach link). Some people with depression lead stable lives surrounded by loving people and still have the illness, and this creates a feeling of frustration and self-blame, because you feel you might be at fault for being depressed. This is something a lot of people with depression struggle with, but it's not widely talked about.

Okay, Rogue, so how do I write a character with depression?

Well, my little sweetling, let's do some Dos and Don'ts:

Dos:

‌Wonder why you want to write a character with depression. Is it to start a conversation? Is it to provide visibility and representation to the illness? Is it to show how the plot struggles have affected your character? Or is it just to give them "an edge" or make them somewhat interesting? Misrepresentation can be as bad as lack thereof so make sure you're doing it for good reasons.

‌Read own voices books and testimonials about people with the illness. When writing mental illness, most people go to the symptoms page on Wikipedia, but never think to research about how people affected by depression experience it. This will give you a bigger scope on all the different ways depression can affect a person, and will make your character less of a "manual mental illness" type.

‌Create hope for this character. Yes, things can go wrong when you have a mental illness, and suicide rates are high for people affected by them. We know those stories, and they are necessary that we're aware of them. But we also need positive stories. Chances are, someone with depression will read your story, and to see s character with a happy ending can give them a glimmer of hope that is so much needed during dark times. We need more positive stories about mental illness.

‌Use trigger warnings. Some aspects about depression (self-harm, suicide, substance abuse...) can hit too close to home for some people. It's important you warn your readers.

‌Make them interesting, please! Depression does not equal boring. Make them charming and funny and still hopeless, make them be surrounded by loving relatives and still feel miserable, make them be the most helpful friend or loving daughter and still be unable to help themselves. Giving a character depression is not going to be enough to make them interesting, so make sure they have a well-rounded personality.

Don'ts:

‌Romanticise the illness. Do you think depression is lying in your bed in your black clothes listening to Nirvana on loop? Then you're very far off. Although I previously mentioned depression looks different from everyone, things are likely to get ugly. Depression is more than drawing angsty black ink portraits in your sketch pad. It's having your eyes dry and hurt from staring at your phone screen all day. It's your bones aching from sitting on the sofa until 3am dying for some sleep yet being unable to move yourself to bed. It's blood streaming down the sink from brushing your teeth after not brushing them in days. It's the stale smell of the tracksuit bottoms you'be been wearing for weeks. It's your hair feeling like cardboard from all the product and dirt that's been accumulated after not showering for days. Yes, this all sounds tough, but that's because depression is tough and ugly for those who go through it. Show it.

‌Bash on medication. Some people take it, some people don't, but being negative about it in your content can put people off it, people who might actually need it.

‌Have the character "grow out of it". If they have depression in chapter one, they're very likely to have depression in chapter 10, or even in book 2. They might learn coping mechanisms along the way, but depression can take months, or even years to treat, so we won't believe you if you say they've been cured in 3 days. Or maybe:

‌They were depressed, but they have to save the world, so they grew out of it. Yeah, right mate, like if pep talks were that useful people would spend loads of money on therapy and medication. Riiiight. Your hero might eventually get up and save the world, but the depression will still be there, it won't get cured by saving the planet, it will be waiting for them at the end of the road, so be ready to write that.

‌Cure the character with a love interest. Ah, they had depression, until she came to their life. Now they are cured by love! Nah, mate, they will still struggle with depression even when they're madly in love with the most perfect love interest. Some people with depression have loving stable relationships, so this trope makes no sense.

In conclusion / TLDR:

‌Depression has a lot of different faces, not everyone experiences it the same way or is affected by it the same way.

‌It's not always triggered by life events; sometimes you get it and that's it.

‌It's more than just feeling sad.

‌Some people are quite high-functioning despite suffering from it.

‌Don't glamorise: show the good, the bad and the ugly.

‌Be consistent: if they're depressed in chapter 1, they won't be able to grow out of it in chapter 2.

‌Don't be negative about medication or therapy.

‌Use TWs for sensitive content.

‌Tell positive stories and give a glimmer of hope.

Wow! That's a lot, isn't it? You're probably thinking "this is hard to write!", and that's because it is. This is why I asked you to think why you want to do this. Hopefully it didn't put you off and you still want to give the community some good representation.

Anything I left behind? Any more posts like this you'd like to see? Hit me up with comments!

Good luck with your writing and please, hit me up with any questions or talk to me about your OCs and WIP about mental illness. Peace!

Useful links:

Nhs website on depression

Mind guide for depression

If you're struggling and need someone to talk to

[scripttorture]

H! Do you know of any survivor accounts that focus on recovery? A big part of the story I'm writing happens after the main character is rescued from torture, and I want to make sure I don't downplay the effect it had on him and portray his recovery realistically. I'm mainly interested in a timeframe for reintegration/being able to go back to a "normal" life. If it's relevant, he is imprisoned and tortured (mostly beatings, stress positions, starvation and sleep deprivation) for about a month.

I’m sorry this one took so long. My best guess (and it is a guess) is somewhere in the range of 3-10 years. The rest of the answer goes into my reasoning, factors that typically effect recovery and things I’ve found helpful when I’m trying to write this sort of plot.

 From the sounds of it I think the most useful thing would be someone’s diary, but I don’t think there is actually a published diary covering the period immediately after a survivor was released for months and years afterwards.

 Survivor’s accounts often talk about recovery but- the thing is that isn’t usually why they make their experiences public so that often doesn’t end up being the focus.

 Alleg talks about recovery but his aim in publishing his memoirs was demanding the French authorities stopped torturing people in Algeria. Similarly people like ‘Donny the Punk’ Donaldson and Nadia Murad Basee Taha talked about their experiences to highlight abuses that were taking place on a wide scale.

 And that is often the reason people make their experiences public: to raise awareness, to draw attention, to demand change.

 By its nature that kind of discussion tends to make recovery secondary.

 It’s also worth noting that most survivors write about what happened to them a significant period of time after it actually happened. I believe there are some Inquisition era diaries that recount the period a victim was held for, but they’re rare and I think most of the authors were killed.

 Monroe is interested in recovery but it’s recovery in a rather broader sense. It’s less about what people can do when and instead about the more nebulous idea of holding on to humanity and being able to have faith in other people. Her focus is war but this isn’t the sole focus of the book.

 I do recommend her book, A Darkling Plain, generally. It’s most constructed of interviews her students took. Their instructions were to find someone who had lived through- Monroe calls it ‘political upheaval’, which sounds like a euphemism when she goes on to list war, genocide, violent revolution and oppressive regimes as her examples. The students were taught Institutional Review Board procedures and interviewed a survivor about their experience.

 One of the things I think is�� enlightening about the approach is that emphasises how close we all are to survivors. We all know someone even if we don’t know the details of what they lived through. I think it’s easy to forget that sometimes.

 The interviews are very much led by the survivors. They’re generally looking back on experiences that happened years or decades ago. They go into how an experience changed the survivor, how it effected their outlook on life and whether/how they moved on.

 I believe you’d find it helpful but I don’t think it necessarily answers the more precise questions that effect writing. When someone could return to a job, when someone might be ready for a relationship, how they’d interact in the community.

 Based on modern accounts of the living conditions survivors find themselves in- I think the question of when people can comfortably do things is difficult because survivors are often put in a position where they’re either forced to do something before they’re comfortable with it or they’re actively prevented from doing it when they want to.

 Let me try to explain that with an example. A lot of survivors now are in refugee camps. A person’s ability to find work will vary depending on the camp, the country and the individual’s legal status.

 In some situations people in the camps are given very little support. In which case if the survivor doesn’t find some kind of work they might end up starving. In other situations a survivor’s immigration status might mean it’s illegal for them to work. Earning a wage can also be used as a reason to cut charitable or governmental support. Which can be a problem if the survivor is only capable of working occasionally and needs a steady source of income to keep them alive between the periods where they can work.

 The environment these people are in can force them into work when it isn’t healthy for them or it can prevent them from working when having a job would help.

 Environmental factors like these can obscure individual choice.

 Generally I’d encourage you to think about environmental factors and how they could effect the character’s recovery. Survivor’s still have bills to pay and they might be surrounded by people who think working or going back to a mainstream school/university would be ‘good for them’.

 Taking away environmental pressures there’s still a question of the character’s drive and motivation. A lot of people want to go back to doing things that are important to them. They want to recapture a sense of normality.

 A character who feels very strongly about their job and is highly dedicated is more likely to be back at work quickly whether that is healthy for them or not. A medic who has built their identity around helping others is much more likely to be back at work after three months then someone who doesn’t identify with their job.

 This does not necessarily mean the medic would be doing a good job or should be back at work. People do have a tendency to throw themselves back into tasks they identify strongly with.

 With work there’s also, potentially, an aspect of physical recovery to consider. A character who has survived a suspension torture, with the resulting nerve damage, may not be able to go back to being a pianist. At least not without a considerable period of time adapting to their disability.

 Even if a character is still able to do their job without adaptions and feels strongly about it they probably won’t be up to handling much stress or their previous workload. This does not necessarily stop people from trying.

 Whether a character identifies strongly with their job or not they might feel they ‘should’ be doing some form of work. And work has the potential to be extremely helpful during a mental health crisis. It can provide routine, a reason to get up when that feels impossible. A point of stability and a place of relative safety.

 Of course the flip side is it can also become a huge source of additional stress and pressure. Which it is depends on the job, the survivor, the working environment, the support (or not) of colleagues and the adaptions in place to support the survivor.

 Reintegrating into the community is also complicated by factors that have very little to do with the survivor character or their symptoms.

 A lot of communities reject survivors. Child soldiers and victims of rape (especially if it resulted in pregnancy) are often portrayed as traitors who have taken the ‘side’ of their abuser.

 This can apply to torture survivors too. If the dominant culture sees torture as a way of obtaining accurate information (this isn’t possible) then the assumption is often that the survivor must have ‘betrayed’ the community. People also tend to assume that if someone was arrested or otherwise targetted for torture they must have been guilty of something.

 If the survivor was subjected to ‘clean’ (non-scarring) tortures then- well then people usually assume that the survivor is lying and they weren’t tortured. From the sounds of things all the tortures your character survives are clean.

 These factors often work in tandem and make it impossible for survivors to feel welcome in their community. That isolation and lack of support has a huge negative effect on recovery. And because it’s so rare that survivors don’t have to deal with these additional stressors it’s difficult to estimate what recovery looks like without them.

 Anecdotally a lot of survivors report that support from their families and from religious institutions was incredibly important to them.

 I feel like a lot of this comes down to what a ‘normal’ life means.

 Because life for this character probably wouldn’t be quite like it was before. But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t look normal.

 Perhaps he wouldn’t be able to cope with the stress, pressure or uncertainty of his previous job. But that doesn’t mean he couldn’t work. Perhaps he’d struggle to do things he previously enjoyed, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t find other hobbies.

 I’m sorry that I can’t provide an accurate, statistically supported timeframe. I hope that I can describe a helpful way of approaching the problem as a writer-

 It’s unlikely that the character will be able to fix everything at once. He might be able to get a ‘normal’ working routine before he has a ‘normal’ social life, for instance. Or vice versa. I’d suggest splitting up the different aspects of his life that have been effected and thinking about them separately.

 You can categorise things in a way that makes the most sense for you. I’m outlining the way I would do it as an example, but if my categories don’t make sense for your story then add or remove things as you see fit.

 I’d split it up into: Work, Social life, Family life, Romantic/Sexual relationships (if applicable), Communal life and Ritual (ie engagement with wider cultural activities, such as religious services, may pole dancing, getting pissed at the solstice or anything else that’s a big event).

 I’d try to think about them separately and think about which area is the biggest priority for the character. I’m assuming ‘work’ comes first for the rest of the example because survivors still have bills to pay. I’m also assuming the character has enough support and stability to recover at his own pace; that the environment isn’t pressured and his environment isn’t adversely effecting his recovery.

 So I would start with the symptoms and the way they manifest.

 If he has anxiety or hypervigilance, what kind of situations set that off? For instance if his symptoms are triggered by crowds and loud noises then he might not be able to work in a popular night club any more.

 If his ideas of ‘normal’ and his goals revolve around doing that particular job again then his recovery and returning to work would take longer. It could take several years. If his personality/experience means his goals are more flexible then he might be able to find another career that provides a less triggering environment and includes something he liked about his previous job. In that case he might be working regularly again in six months or so. Possibly less.

 That could then provide enough stability/routine to let him find a balance in other areas of his life.

 If he has insomnia then trying to fit his life into a regular 9-5 schedule might be more stressful then it’s worth. Finding work that lets him be flexible about when he comes in, working from home or part time or free lance- could mean a speedier return to something like ‘normal’.

 Once I have some ideas about one aspect I’d take a look at the others and the wider plot. I’d think about whether there’s anything going on in the other categories, the plot or with the other characters that could impact on the survivor’s recovery.

 When I’m looking across the different categories I’m also on the look out for ways I can use them to feed back into the plot.

 So, if I stick with the night club example, perhaps this character has now started a job at a recording studio because this lets him indulge a passion for music with less crowds. And may be I can use that change in environment to introduce him to other characters. May be Drama at the night club is still effecting him through his social circle. May be working somewhere different means he’s unaware of the Drama and that aspect of the plot is going to take him by surprise.

 Stress from the different categories will feed into how he’s doing overall and so will positive things like stability and support. Some of the aspects of the character’s life are likely to look ‘normal’ before others.

 My best guess for reasonable time frames based on what I’ve read is something in the region of 3-10 years. But that’s taking everything into account across all those categories.

 In the best possible circumstances your character could have one aspect of his life looking normal within a year, possibly even as short a time frame as six months. But that assumes an unusual level of support, financial independence, access to treatment and- the internal flexibility to accept a normal that’s distinct to their pre-torture experience. Which could mean a different job, or a different way of socialising or a different degree of engagement with the community.

 Generally- there’s a lot lacking in the environment survivors find themselves in. There’s lack of support from family, friends and wider community, if not outright rejection. There’s a lack of accessible, specialist medical care. There’s a lack of safe housing and financial support.

 My impression is that a period of years is closer to reality for most people. But we’re talking about fiction and you can choose to make your world better then the one we inhabit.

 This kind of recovery isn’t linear. People do backtrack. Even people who are ��better’ have bad days. Mostly- it’s about showing slow improvement over time and how frustrating slow improvement can be from the inside.

 I hope that helps. :)

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