#mostly for zam's pov and devotions

[mellohiizz]

this fandom doesn't talk about zamgi enough bc I feel like every damn season they are the definition of a situationship with how on and off they are LOL

you are very right, anon, actually. we need to talk about zam and pangi more.

have you seen the latest wemmbu pov in unstableverse? pangi so clearly misses zam, it was literally extremely obvious.

bro attached himself to wemmbu because he was missing being with zam. pangi has a huge crush on zam and literally none of you can convince me otherwise.

[irrealisms]

new pinned post!

this is mostly a multifandom blog. currently primarily into lifesteal + mxtx novels but i post other things too. i mostly don't post politics/current events. i do regularly post about antipsychiatry and being Mad/crazy/neurodivergent. i'm Catholic and occasionally post about that but not regularly.

blog organization

tags list about ao3

fanfic

lifesteal between the moth and the moon: T, vitalasy&zam. a conversation about graves and death and love and hope. 1.2k. every martyr in this jungle: T, vitalasy&zam. a conversation that goes nowhere and doesn't help anyone. but they're trying. 1.4k. Game Over. Try Again?: T, vitalasy-centric. does it count as a time loop if you're the one making it happen? 2.3k no apple but a heart: M, vitalasy-centric. "when you kill someone, you get their heart" taken literally, or: the one in which vitalasy eats subz's dead body as an act of devotion. 1.1k. and by way of honoring the things we once both held dear: T, parrot&spoke. PMMM au of the conversation parrot and spoke have post-wormhole. 1.1k. the visceral organs used for food: M, vitalasy&planetlord. the stream where vitalasy spawnkills planet in the prison, set in the same universe as no apple but a heart. 2.6k. every hand is a storm: T, vitalasy/zam. PMMM au of their relationship starting and ending. 2.7k. tidal forces: T, vitalasy/subz/zam. hwbm au; three chapters, each chapter is a scene from a different relationship. 3.6k. tell me what you want me to say: G, vitalasy&zam. canon divergence where vitalasy joins the solar union. not a fix it. 1.1k.

dsmp and behind us is the devil: T, bench trio-centric. pieces of my we know the devil au. three chapters/hours, each of which focuses on a different character & a different relationship. 3.3k. no one gets too much light: T, tubbo-centric. a drunk conversation between tubbo & ranboo in new l'manburg after tubbo finds the exile pole. 1.8k gadfly: T, dream-centric. dream goes into heat in pandora's vault. 2.6k. if this wine hasn't turned to vinegar: G, niki-centric. wilbur is niki's soulmate; niki isn't wilbur's. a relationship study of the wilbur & niki relationship, from niki's pov. 3k. isolate song: T, tommy-centric. avian!tommy post-exile recovery, but with way more birdsong neurology facts than is usual for the genre. 3k. two for flinching!: T, dream&wilbur&tommy. mild canon divergence between 'inconsolable differences' and 'boundless sands', where wilbur goes to confront dream a second time; a compare-contrast on the tommy&wilbur and tommy&dream relationships. 3.8k. liza forever minnelli: M, wilbur-centric. hunger games au. about mental illness and institutionalization. mind the tags. 4.7k. the autopsy garland: M, dream-centric. hunger games au. about RPF fandom and youtube celebrity culture. mind the tags. 4k. where you hide your heart from me: T, wilbur/quackity. in pogtopia, wilbur preens quackity's wings. 2k. you're fairly certain there's a curtain somewhere: T, techno-centric. script-format metafiction about being a character in a collaborative medium. 1k. one must imagine Sisyphus happy: T, wilbur&quackity. during a late night in las nevadas, wilbur and quackity have a conversation about living. 1.6k. under these smothering waves: T, tommy&dream. a snapshot from exile arc. 3.7k. how everything is torn: T, ghostbur-centric. ghostbur angst set in the gap between ghostbur on doomsday and the resurrection attempt 4 days later. 2.3k.

tgcf memory foam: T, xie lian-centric hualian. an exploration of having a body that never changes. 1.6k. [DISCLAIMER: from here on out, we're reaching my older writing; there's a lot here that's good but there's also a lot here that i would do differently now!] steel-coated twine: M, bailian. look, it's book 4 bailian which in retrospect should maybe have been rated E. either you want book 4 bailian or you don't. 1.1k.

mdzs/cql i don't have the heart to match: T, jiang cheng-centric. what if jiang cheng was a self-closeted trans woman? 4.5k. no one lays a lily on their grave: T, jiang cheng & jin ling. a post-canon conversation about grieving people you loved who did terrible things. 2.5k. our crooked aim: M, jiang cheng/lan wangji. what if they had grief hatesex about the absence of wei wuxian? think about it. 2k. how easy you are to need: M, xue yang/xiao xingchen. an exploration of xue yang's history with sexual abuse and xiao xingchen's relationship with touch. 2.7k, with an 800 word bonus scene.

tma stifled the choice and the air in my lungs: E, jon/elias. set in late s4. extremely dubiously consensual sex for the sake of feeding the Eye. 4k. watch the blood evaporate: M, jon-centric. jon whump about self-harm and suicide attempts. 2.6k. dream when there's nothing to feast on: T, jon&daisy. a conversation from late s4 about starving. 1.6k. here or not here: E, martin/peter. martin dissociates through a series of bad decisions during s4. 3k. your body is not a word: M, jon-centric. jon exchanges sex with strangers for statements; there's dubious consent on both sides. 1.8k.

silmarillion always already annihilated: T, turgon/gondolin. paris burning/cityverse au. or: in an au in which cities are people, turgon falls in love with his. 2.6k. [DISCLAIMER: from here on out, we're reaching my older writing; there's a lot here that's good but there's also a lot here that i would do differently now!] sweating out the poison: E, maedhros/maglor. dubcon + omegaverse + post-sirion angst. 2.2k. whatever a moon has always meant: M, indis/míriel. an exploration of doubt, grief, and faith. 3.3k. wherefore art thou come: T, fingon/maedhros. fingon survives the nirnaeth; maedhros plans to march on doriath. a fix-it, but only if your vision of a fix-it includes murder. 1.2k. in the indigos of darkness: T, about original númenorean characters. a story about found family, three unrepentant king’s men under pharazôn, disability, religion, and death. 5.4k. melt, thaw, resolve: T, maedhros-centric. maedhros attempts suicide. 2k. we but teach bloody instructions: T, maedhros&maglor. scenes of maedhros and maglor having arguments about morality while raising elrond and elros. 5.4k. what you sow: M, maedhros-centric. maedhros has nightmares. one after angband; one after sirion. 2.6k. pitch black, pale blue: T, about original númenorean characters. a short history of númenor, as told by its women. 4k. survival skills: E, maedhros/fingon or maedhros/sauron depending on how you look at it, which should be all the summary and content warning you need. 1k.

taz balance corvidae: M, lup & taako. abandoned multichapter fic with the premise of lup & taako as a DID system. 7.5k. liebesahnung: E, lup/barry bluejeans. hurt/comfort sex about gender dysphoria. 2k. as the tide: T, magnus/lucretia. a nonlinear love story that is also a tragedy that has a happy ending. 4k. but thinking makes it so: G, lucretia-centric character study. 2k.

we know the devil 3 a.m.: G, venus-centric. a venus pov character study of yellow ending 3am. says as much about 16-year-old-will as it does about venus, imo. 1.9k.

fic rec masterposts dsmp [no others yet but you can ask if you want me to post my tma + mdzs ones]

web weaves, moodboards, and collages

about my life quitting therapy Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani? i was born for this my hands are clean. / your mind is not. if you can live your life without an audience, you should do it. Aww, did you think you broke the cycle?

lifesteal it's more like a very pointed argument: heaven will be mine eclipse federation au you wear the moon like a halo: zam's grief over subz, and the thin line between hallucination and haunting fox, chicken, grain: eclipse federation and 2+1

we know the devil the three worst girls since eve - three collages for the three main characters the devil is lonely - a moodboard for the game as a whole

dsmp as the last i may know: c!tubbo diptych: c!crimeboys PERPETRATOR TRAUMA: c!quackity and no one was gonna come and get me: c!fundy c!wilbur + relationships c!wilbur + death as catharsis c!wilbur + change, and the lack of it exile arc + water c!wilbur + legacy attachments on the dream smp new l'manburg

meta

svsss svsss and sexual violence - pt 1: shen yuan’s realization of himself as a target - pt 2: gender and homophobia - pt 3: non-bingqiu sexual violence - pt 4: shen qingqiu’s body - pt 5: we live in a society

lifesteal c!princezam and ableism

dsmp c!tommy is annoying (and that's important) c!wilbur and his audience bedrock bros analysis in defense of l'manberg

nbc hannibal nbc hannibal and psychiatric abuse

silmarillion [DISCLAIMER: from here on out, we're reaching my older writing; there's a lot here that's good but there's also a lot here that i would do differently now!] tolkien & the fall of arda (short) on being a Christian with complicated feelings about Eru on original sin and loving terrible elves a fading world in defense of Maeglin my feelings about Númenor and religion martyrdom in tolkien (short) religious conflicts between pelargir & umbar tolkien and religious feelings (short) a defense of fëanor's refusal to break the silmarils