#mostly bc I don't like to label myself

[renata-dp]

So could you draw Gwen Poole and Ashley Barton for the Ace side of Pride Month maybe? If the requests are still open?

Sure! Here ya go bud <3

[nonuggetshere]

I'm gonna continue with the requests later, but I also felt the need to doodle my two PVs with a little bit of gender on the side

They're both still very much genderless, but because not every non-binary/agender person will have the same perception/feelings regarding their gender and won't have the same gender presentation, I decided to mess around with it a little

Hallow is genderfluidv(though after some consideration I realised agenderflux describes them more accurately, but oh well, these labels don't even exist in their story so who cares), they're non-binary but their alignment fluctuates between fem-leaning, masc-leaning, something in-between and neither. They're fine with any terms and pronouns but mostly go by they/them.

Luna is genderfae/transfem, their gender fluctuates between agender and fem-aligned non-binary. They mostly go by they/them and gender-neutral and feminine terms, they're fine with she/her and some neopronouns, but any masculine terms and pronouns are a big no-no for them. Currently, I'm considering making them an enby lesbian, but that might change in the future.

[purgaytorysupremacy]

i'm applying for a fellowship that required my faculty supervisor to write me a letter of support and yesterday he very shyly emailed to say he was nearly done but wanted to confirm my pronouns. i'm a cis woman who is just very very tall (before you ask: 6'2") and uses a nickname bc my given name is too Dutch for most folks (apparently) but i have just discovered that for the last two-ish months i've been in the program, everyone has been dancing around my pronouns and substituting my name more than is normal bc no one wanted to misgender me and were apparently just waiting for someone to either use pronouns in front of me or for me to use them myself and i think i have truly reached my final queer form

[nonclassyparty]

tins without labels - prologue (j.wy)

summary: Jung Wooyoung's life was always somehow intertwined with your own. from living in the same neighbourhood as kids to attending the same college; fights, bickering, bruises, teasing comments and tears. Wooyoung and you were never complete strangers but never friends either. Always somewhere in between, growing up with each other but never actually knowing one another. The relationship takes a confusing turn in your third year of college after an injury that places your football career on hold. Lonely, lost and confused, you find yourself at your first college party in the presence of none other than Jung Wooyoung asking him to show you what exactly have you been missing out on. playlist // my main masterlist // moodboard (tba) // click to donate to Palestine

pairing: jung wooyoung x reader warnings: none for this chapter i think! word count: 9.3k taglist: just reply or inbox me if u'd like to be added c: a/n: pls don't say damn when u see that i started another story. listen LISTEEEEEN. i know what u all will say..."bree should u rly be starting another series when u havent finished or started the 4757 bajillion ones that u already posted?" the answer is YES. let me explain myself briefly, this summer has been rly hard for me bc i lost someone who was incredibly important to me and i just can't write...i just can't! everything looks like shit!!! im halfway done with soot and something just isn't letting me continue. i can't write pretty on the outside or literally anything else i've started bc its all simply too sad. writing is draining to begin with despite how much i love and enjoy it but writing angst is k wording my mental health lol! so....i present to you this series, mostly dedicated to myself literally no one asked for this, i just feel like its something i need to write and always wanted to so here i go! it will be a little heartwarming series with lots of humor and coming of age shenanigans and huge chunks of it written from personal experience and i hope u guys read it and like it. i had a lot of fun writing this prologue. (p.s. i literally know jackshit about football/soccer so if by some chance someone that reads this knows their football shit....just let it go pls lmfaoo)

(prologue; when we were kids)

and I couldn't find the words, i couldn't think of what to say and all that I can do is stop and think about the days when all we used to dream about was meeting after school

6 and 8 years old;

Your mom helped you build the snowman.

An entire morning of running around your front yard, laughing and playing in the freshly fallen snow, seeing the air you breathe out in front of you that you pretended was cigarette smoke to make your mom laugh as the cold nipped at your cheeks.

The snowman was almost twice your size (which wasn't a lot, you were a fairly small child) with pebbles stuck in as his eyes and teeth pulled up in a big grin. Your mom found a small bucket in the old shed behind the house which she placed on his head as a makeshift hat and because you didn't have any carrots, there was a small twig stuck at the center of the snowman's face to serve as a long crooked nose.

(The snowman didn't have any arms, a detail that went over your head at the time.)

After admiring the big statue in the farther corner of your front yard for awhile, you finally retreated into the house with your socks wet along with the majority of your hot pink snowsuit. As you kicked off the damp clothes and exchanged them for warm, dry ones and fuzzy socks and then settled in front of the TV in the toasty living room with a mug of cocoa - you couldn't help but feel that it was a happy day.

Which is why when, in the late afternoon, once you looked out of your window to see what once used to be your snowman is now nothing but a big pile of disheveled snow with his plastic hat rolling around the sidewalk and two boys running away down the street with shrill laughter echoing after them, you simply couldn't help but burst into tears.

"Mommy!" You screamed out, running outside your front door in fuzzy socks and your sweater, as dramatic as you were. But you were six and your life still ended and began with coloring books and favorite toys, so a snowman that you made with your mom getting destroyed, surely felt like the end of the world.

Once your mom stepped out after you, about to scold you for walking outside into the cold air with no jacket on, you burst into crocodile tears as you pointed to the spot where your snowman once stood.

"Oh, no." She breathed out with a sigh before grabbing her jacket and slipping into whatever shoes were available by the door (they were your dad's old tennis shoes) and walking across the front yard to collect the small bucket from the sidewalk.

All you could do was stand and watch as you wailed so loudly after your snowman that the entire neighbourhood could hear.

"Honey, it's okay." Your mom tried to soothe you as she walked up the steps to your house, carrying what used to be the snowman's hat. "It's just a snowman, we'll make another one tomorrow!"

But you were inconsolable, bursting out in another wave of loud cries as you stomped your tiny foot and pointed to the house across the street.

"They ruined it! W-Wooyoung ruined it!" You sob, waving towards the boy's house with all the anger a six year old could possibly muster. You knew it was him, recognizing the ugly red jacket he wore this entire winter and his even uglier looking friend, Chanwook.

You weren't friends with Wooyoung. He was older than you and all of his friends were mean. You once tried to play with them when you first moved to the neighbourhood but they didn't want to play with a girl. You cried about that too.

They often teased you. Wooyoung said your crooked teeth made you look ugly!

She sighs again, "And that was very mean of him. But, Y/N, we'll just make another snowman tomorrow."

"But-" You start again, tears still sliding down your face. 

"We'll build him in the backyard where we have a fence, so no-one will be able to touch him." She offers with a smile, hoping you'll finally be consoled enough to walk inside and be safe from the harsh cold.

"But I won't be able to look at him from the window." You tell her quietly, voice going hoarse from the crying and bottom lip already wobbling as another wave of tears began to sunk in. She gives you a sympathetic smile.

"We'll get him a prettier hat and we'll use two long branches to give him arms!" Your mom offers again, trying to butter you up so the tears would stop. "We'll get a carrot for his nose and big pretty rocks for his eyes!" Once she realized it was working, she continued; "And we'll take a picture of you with him so you'll always get to look at him, even when he melts away!"

You peer up at her with a hiccup, finally bribed enough; "A picture?"

She nods, holding the door wider for you to finally walk inside as you inch towards the door, fuzzy socks now soaked, "A picture. We'll send your dad to the mall to develop them."

So, you finally walk inside the warm house again, changing your socks and immediately going to your father's home office to pester him about the camera and just how long will it take for a picture to be developed.

-

"-Y/N, we'll just make another snowman tomorrow!" 

Wooyoung heard your mom tell you as he peers at the exchange from across the street, through his bedroom window, freshly changed into dry clothes after a long hard day of playing outside with Chanwook and now, warming his frozen hands on the radiator.

When Wooyoung saw the snowman parked in the corner of your front yard, just a step away from the sidewalk, he and Chanwook thought it would be funny to ruin it. 

The thing was ugly and had an even uglier bucket at the top of it's head, perfect to kick around the street!

He didn't think too much about it, if he was honest. Just saw a big lump of snow he wanted to kick at until it collapsed, so that's what Wooyoung did. It was just a silly snowman.

Besides, you were already six years old. Far too old to be making a stupid snowman. You should've been going sledding with the rest of the neighborhood kids on the small hill just a couple of minutes away from your street. Wooyoung was mature now, so his mom allowed him to go without a chaperone this year. You were always so childish, no wonder your mom didn't let you go with them. You cried over everything.

But he didn't expect you to cry over the stupid snowman!

It was just a snowman. It would've melted anyway when the weather got warmer! Or gotten ruined by someone else! 

The brief fear of your mom telling Wooyoung's mom about what he'd done struck him. He'd positively get grounded for ruining your dumb snowman if she found out and then the rest of his winter break would be spent inside of the house.

You could always make another snowman. A better one. And since you're such a crybaby, Wooyoung would make sure to tell Chanwook that they won't be touching that one. Leave that ugly snowman alone.

Just so you wouldn't cry anymore.

-

10 and 12 years old;

"It's a shame your mother is dead, maybe if she was still around she would teach you how to act like a girl!" 

Your face flushed in anger as you stared the other boy, Beomseok, his chubby fingers still wrapped around your pencil case which was how the argument started in the first place.

He was in the same class as you and a typical bully. Bigger than the rest of his peers and always using it to his advantage to intimidate and tease them. Today, he took your pencil case and when you asked for him to give it back, he only gave you a gnarly smile and started running around the classroom and eventually out on the halls, screaming taunts at you. It would be a lie to say that you didn't scream some pretty mean stuff back but in your defense, he deserved it.

Now, you both stood as if you're ready to duel as the rest of your classmates and even some upperclassmen gathered to see what the commotion is all about, your fury rising so high that tears spring in your eyes at the mention of your mom as you observe his smug smirk. Obviously, from a very young age, you were bad at managing your anger.

"I hate you!" You scream out, voice high pitched. Then you jump on Beomseok with your full weight, successfully pulling him to the hard hallway floors as your hands curled into tiny fists that started colliding with his face.

And Beomseok, for all his intimidating build, talked an awfully big game just to end up bursting into tears as your fist collided with his nose. He was bad at fighting, you notice, if he could be beat up by a lanky girl almost two times smaller than him.

"I just-" Punch. "-wanted-" Punch. "-my pencil case-" A slap. "-back!"

"Somebody help!" He screams from under you, whining under each attack but his classmates were too busy cheering you on to come to his defense.

Once you start harshly pulling on his hair, two arms wrap themselves under your armpits and pull you off of your classmate. You're standing again and are turned by your shoulders to come face to face with your teacher, screaming at you.

"Is this a proper behavior in school?!" and lots of "Your father will hear about this!"'s and "You're going to the principle's office!" as she started pulling you by your arm down the corridor that was still filled with students.

"Everyone to your classrooms! Now!" Your teacher screams from the top of her lungs as she tugs on you and you follow after her with a frown on your face.

Stupid Beomseok.

-

Wooyoung's stomach hurts from laughing, clapping Chanwook's shoulder who was almost sitting on the floor due to his own fit of pure glee, as he watches Kim Beomseok roll around the floor in pain, clutching his nose. 

There's scratches and bruises already forming on his cheeks, little bit of blood mixed with a lot of big, fat tears. It's hard to feel even slightly bad for Beomseok, when Wooyoung heard how he torments his classmates along with the younger kids during recess. Did it count as bullying if the bully is the one getting bullied?

Maybe he finally got what was coming for him, nobody usually stood up to him and Wooyoung least expected you to be the one to put him in his place.

He deserved it, Wooyoung thinks, after what he said about your mom.

Wooyoung remembers her funeral three years ago, he remembers how much you cried and how you didn't leave your house for a month that summer. He even rung the doorbell to ask if you wanted to come out and play one time which he never did because you were a child and he was much more mature than you, you two had nothing in common. But he felt sad for you.

Your mom was nice, she always brought Wooyoung a chocolate when she'd come for a visit.

 Sadly, they discovered she had cancer when you were only seven and Wooyoung was nine. By the time they discovered it, it was already too far along and your mom passed away on a summer evening while you were outside playing hide and seek. 

Wooyoung remembers feeling so bad how they always made you the seeker that day because you were the youngest kid in the neighbourhood and far too easy to convince that it was simply always your turn to look for the other kids.

Your dad opened the door, smiling sadly at Wooyoung and saying that you weren't feeling well enough to come out and play. Wooyoung didn't try again after that.

The teacher is pulling you by your elbow through the crowd, yelling at the top of her lungs for everyone to head to their classrooms since class should start in a couple of minutes. You silently follow her, face twisted into an angry grimace.

Your hair has fallen out of your ponytail, long strands sticking to your face and Wooyoung is pretty sure that your shirt got ripped during the brawl. 

Wooyoung might've been laughing a bit too loudly because with angry eyes and cheeks flushed, your head whips towards him just as you pass by him.

Wooyoung opens his mouth with a smile, to say something like "Good job, Y/L!" maybe. He doesn't get the chance to.

"What are you laughing at, Jung?" You ask loudly and Wooyoung's laughter immediately dies down.

"Wha-?"

And it's then, that your foot meets Wooyoung's shin in a harsh kick that makes him yowl in pain and makes Chanwook burst into another wave of laughter as his hands grab at Wooyoung who doubles over in pain.

"Y/N!" The teacher screams out again, pulling you back by your shirt and going on another rant, filled with threats of calling your dad to school and something else he can't process at the moment.

Wooyoung is too busy feeling the pain and anger that fills him up as he rubs at the place your sneaker covered foot meet his leg.

"Y/N, you psycho!" He yells after you who is still getting dragged away. You don't even bother to look back at him.

(He still collects your pencil case from the floor and throws it on a desk that a classmate of yours says belongs to you before exiting the classroom and going to his own. Wooyoung tells himself it's for no other reason but just so your dad won't have to buy you a new one. He has enough on his plate already.)

-

14 and 16 years old;

Wooyoung has a girlfriend.

You don't know why that's something that bothers you so much.

Maybe because you don't understand what a girl could possibly see in Jung Wooyoung to willingly let him hold her hand or...God forbid, kiss her. Ew.

That's a lie, maybe even a bad attempt at coping on your part because there's a general consensus in your high school that Jung Wooyoung is good-looking. 

You didn't even think he was ugly when you were younger, when he was pulling on your pigtails and teasing you for playing with dolls. He was cute for an annoying kid back then too with his chubby cheeks and bowl haircut.

He was especially cute now, a recent discovery of yours which you have no one else to thank except puberty. It did wonders on your hormones and it did wonders on Jung Wooyoung too. 

His jawline got sharper the more baby fat he lost and lips grew fuller. His boyish smile was very attractive, even his smile lines were captivating. Wooyoung grew taller as well, not by much compared to the other boys in his grade but he was tall just enough so you'd have to look up to him when you argue but not enough to be intimidated by him.

So, yes, you supposed you'd understand the appeal if it weren't for his stupid mouth and mean words more often than not, directed at you. You threw shots back as well, sometimes even started an argument first if you were feeling particularly annoying but maybe that sums up why you're so bothered.

He started dating Chaeyoung at the beginning of this summer and since you have the fortune (read: misfortune) of living in the house right across the street from Wooyoung's, you were an unlucky witness to most of their dates.

And he was so sweet to her. He'd buy her cheap flowers and ice cream, they'd walk around the neighbourhood holding hands, they'd take Wooyoung's younger brother Kyungmin to the playground in the evenings. Wooyoung would smile a lot at her and Chaeyoung would always smile back.

You even saw them kiss. Just once.

When you were folding laundry in your bedroom, you looked through the window just in time to see their lips connect on Wooyoung's front porch. You quickly looked away, feeling shy and embarrassed, not understanding why you were blushing or feeling so sad all of a sudden.

Why was he so nice to other girls but never to you? You shouldn't think too much about it, the problem isn't you. Chaeyoung wasn't just some other girl but his girlfriend. Of course, he'd treat her special.

Whatever. You scoff as you watch Chaeyoung run to Wooyoung across the quad as you adjust your sports bag over your shoulder. 

She jumps into his arms and you can hear his loud, annoying laughter even to here as his arms wrap around her and he picks her up from the ground.

"What are you doing?" You almost jump out of your skin at the sound of Ryujin's voice as she nosily tries to follow where you were staring at.

Ryujin was the first friend you met since you started high school two weeks ago. She might be the only friend you have for awhile since you haven't really been trying to even get to know your classmates as you were too busy trying out for the girls football team.

You don't remember when you started actively playing football exactly. You always played it for fun with the boys from the neighbourhood (Wooyoung included)  but maybe it was around seventh grade when your dad pestered you into trying out a sport because he didn't know what else to do with you so he packed you up and sent you to a sports camp for two weeks one summer, that you started actually playing.

You went there only caring about your iPad and came back saying you'll be a professional football player.

Your dad doesn't want to say it but you know he thinks it's a fickle dream that will fizzle out with age.

Thankfully, Ryujin shared the same love for the sport as you so for now, you were relieved and content to spend time with her. She was nice.

You didn't need anyone else but maybe it would've been nice if someone who was older, who you were familiar with even if you always fought, would give you a couple of words of useful advice. Regarding the new teachers and subjects and all.

High school was scary.

"Nothing." You answer quickly, turning your back to Wooyoung and his girlfriend and fully facing your new friend.

"Nothing?" Ryujin gives you a suspicious smile, eyes darting over your shoulder once more before she ruffles your hair. You yelp. "Do you have a crush already, Y/N?"

You gently shove her away with a huff, fixing your bangs, "Don't be stupid. These boys are all ugly."

A crush. As if!

She laughs at that, throwing her arm around your shoulder as she directs you both to the field where practice was held, already yapping about her own crush.

-

"Hey, isn't that your neighbour?" Chaeyoung nudges Wooyoung with her elbow, nodding somewhere behind Wooyoung. He cranes his neck to follow the direction before his eyes land on you.

He snorts, "Yeah."

You were standing in the middle of the football field, sweaty and red in the face from all the running, with your hands on your hips as you paid attention to what your coach was yelling towards your teammates across the field.

The school's jersey seemed far too big on your lanky form and your hair was a mess, always slipping out of your ponytail. You were much smaller in build than the rest of the team and it looked funny to Wooyoung.

He didn't expect you to be into sports, let alone a sport like football. In fact, Wooyoung is surprised that you don't burst into tears when you start arguing with the makeshift referee played by another student. It's what usually happens if you spend longer than a minute arguing with Wooyoung.

And then he ends up being the bad guy for making you cry but no one ever mentions that you sometimes provoke him first as well but can't take it when it's dished right back.

Since you're such a crybaby.

He watches with an amused grin as you bare your teeth at the referee, who is really just a senior that thought it would be a fun time but now he has to stand arguing with you. And to Wooyoung's further amusement, the older boy who is almost two heads taller than you, looks like he's about to shit his pants in front of you.

Hm. Maybe not such a crybaby when it's anyone else but Wooyoung.

"I think she has a crush on you."

He turns to look at his girlfriend with a confused look, growing further confused when she smiles teasingly at him.

"Who?" He asks and she gives him a knowing look before nodding in your direction again. Wooyoung splutters out a surprised laugh, "Y/N?"

"Yeah." She nods excitedly, giggling, "She's cute."

Wooyoung scoffs with an eyeroll, "She's a kid."

A kid who might have a small crush on Wooyoung but still, a kid nonetheless.

He'd be stupid to say he didn't notice that you sometimes stare at him a little too much but what the hell is he supposed to do about that. You just started high school, you probably weren't even aware of what you were doing. It was a childish crush because at the end of the day that's what you are - childish.

Chaeyoung giggles again, the sound is soft and sweet, leaning her head against his shoulder. 

"It's kind of sweet." She sighs dreamily and Wooyoung snorts because nothing about you was sweet, "You're her handsome neighbour, the only guy who's always been close to her since she was a kid, she probably starts those childish arguments with you so you'd give her attention and then writes about you in her diary and-"

"Y/N is the last person to have a diary, first of all." Wooyoung interrupts with a snicker before looking down on his girlfriend who is teasing him, "Second of all, you sound ridiculous."

Chaeyoung lifts her head up from where it rested against him and looks at him seriously, her lips pressed together. Then she starts imitating Wooyoung's last sentence in a deeper voice that sounds nothing like him, "You sound ridiculous-ah!"

She squeals when Wooyoung pinches her at the waist lovingly and it turns to tickling her as he presses kisses to her cheeks.

As they continue to exchange kisses between hushed giggles, the conversation about you is forgotten.

-

18 and 20 years old;

From the moment you opened the door to greet your date, you knew that the whole night would be a complete and utter disaster.

Maybe you watched too many teen movies that romanticized prom night so much that even you ended up believing and looking forward to the glorified fantasy of it but boy, were you in for a rude awakening.

Your prom date was a boy from your Calculus class named Eunwoo. 

To be completely honest, you were convinced for the entirety of your senior year that you wouldn't have a date for prom at all because not much has changed since freshman year.

You still had one good friend (two, if you count Ryujin's friend that says she likes hanging out with you) and your focus was always on football. Add schoolwork and keeping up your good grades and you truly didn't have much time left for socializing.

So when Eunwoo pulled you aside after your football practice and asked you if you wanted to go to prom together with a handsome boyish smile on his face, your excitement for that night skyrocketed.

Eunwoo wasn't exactly a friend but he was nice to you during class, maybe you were wrong but his niceness sometimes even bordered flirting. Already, you were daydreaming about a possible boyfriend to spend your last summer with before you start college.

With a date or without one, you spend the bigger portion of your senior year saving up money for prom night or should you say prom preparations.

Makeup was never your strongest suit, in fact, it wasn't a suit of yours at all. You never wore it. You never did your hair either. 

Even on the rare occasion that you went to a high school party, you never wore anything else aside from jeans and T-Shirts. You were an athlete and you committed to the bit entirely, always being ready to sweat and opting for comfort of loose clothes above anything else.

But you wanted to look nice for prom, pretty. Not because of Eunwoo but for yourself. Prom is only once and you wanted to make sure you do it with confidence. 

All your saved up allowance went on the hair and makeup appointment along with your dress that Ryujin helped you pick out. The dress was quite simple in your opinion, a dark red one with a square neckline held up by two thin straps that clung to your curves and flared out at the bottom.

With your hair pinned up in an up-do with two curled strands framing your face and glitter on your eyelids, you thought you looked very pretty, beautiful even. Hell, it was probably the best you looked in your entire eighteen years of life. You could even put up with the painful heels for the sake of it.

Your dad made you pose over the whole house while you waited for your date to pick you up. First a photoshoot on the stairs, then one on the front porch, then a little in front of the living room fireplace. 

He seemed so excited with his camera hanging around his neck as he followed you around the house.

It was one of the moments you wished your mom was here for but nonetheless, it was much fun with your dad only as well. You were happy.

It all went to shit though once you opened the door for Eunwoo and he started laughing in your face.

"Oh my God!" He laughs, almost doubling over at the apparent hilarity of your appearance, "What are you wearing?!"

You laugh nervously, ignoring your father's glance at you from the sheer embarrassment, "What? Is it that bad?"

"No, no." Eunwoo shakes his head, wiping a stray tear that escaped while he was laughing, "It's just not like you, at all."

"Oh." You give him a sour smile, your fragilely built ego shattering completely. "I was just...trying something new I guess..."

He snickers with a headshake before offering you his hand, "Come on, let's go take a photo?"

After a small moment of hesitation, feeling your cheeks burn from the humiliation, you let him grab your hand and step out on the front porch. Eunwoo places a hand around your waist to pull you closer as you both smile at your dad's camera.

A couple of photos later, you both head towards Eunwoo's car as your dad waves you goodbye. You give him a small, almost sad wave back as Eunwoo opens the door for you. You ask him;

"Do I really look funny?"

"No, you look pretty no matter what." He answers, helping you with your dress. "It's just doesn't suit you I guess, it's not like you."

"Ah..." You say staring at the dashboard as you watch him round the car to get into the driver's seat. You glance back at your dad just to see him get back into your house and for a split second, you want to call the whole thing off and go back inside with him.

Of course this doesn't suit you. You were the girl guys dapped up in the hallways, the girl that was always covered in hoodies and sweatpants and never wore makeup. You must look stupid, all dolled up like this. What were you thinking.

Prom celebration is usually held at a hotel not far from your high school. The ballroom is enormous, with vast marble floors and high ceilings illuminated by golden, shimmery lights. It looks straight out a fairytale with colorful dresses worn by pretty princess and handsome princes in their extravagant suits. Only, you don't feel like a princess at all.

Eunwoo and you find your table and you briefly say hi to Ryujin and her date. Ryujin tells you how amazing you look and you give her the first (and possibly, only) genuine smile of the night.

"So," Eunwoo starts the conversation a few minutes after you settle down at your table with drinks, "Did you decide where you're going for college? Any scouts?"

"I'm leaning towards SNU. Their Women's Football Club is really strong and I feel like they actually get proper investments and budget." You tell him and he grins interrupting your next sentence.

"See, this is why I like you. It's hard to find a girl who knows about sports and is so chill about everything."

Your mouth stays parted, the rest of your sentence (which was really just saying that the fact the male football team was hot contributed to your decision as joke) went unsaid as his words registered. Every "compliment" Eunwoo gives you is starting to come off so backhandedly that you're beginning to realize that while he thinks he has you all figured out - he doesn't actually know you at all.

You give him a fake laugh and pray to God it doesn't sound fake enough for him to notice as you take a sip of your drink.

An hour later, your heels are killing you so much that you've completely given up on dancing. You observe Ryujin on the dance floor with her date, still going at it and sigh with the silent question of when it would be your turn. Instead, you're stuck to the sidelines with shoes that feel awful on your feet and a date that can't stop talking about how it's attractive that you're a "girl that actually eats". Eunwoo's compliments are becoming weirder by the second.

"Should I just take you home?" Eunwoo asks with an amused smile as he observes you taking off your heels for the tenth time since you sat back down.

"Ah, would you mind?" You give him an apologetic smile, feeling like a burden and a not-so-much-fun date, "I'm sorry, Eunwoo, this is unfair to you-"

"Nah, I had a fun time." He shakes his head, downing the rest of his drink, "Next time, just be yourself though, yeah?"

The weirdly phrased statement makes you pause. "What do you mean?"

"You know, you don't have to dress like this!" He laughs, playfully playing with the thin strap of your dress. You subtly move away from his touch. "It's not like you at all. I don't know if your friends talked you into it just to fit in but you shouldn't let them push you around like this."

He's so wrong that you can't speak for a moment but even if you could, you feel like trying to explain yourself to him would be far too exhausting and would lead to nowhere. Nor do you want it to lead anywhere anymore, if you were honest.

"Girls like that are so exhausting." He gives a tired sigh. "Outfits and makeup aren't the only thing in the world."

"Girls....like that?"

"You know! Like, the touchy-feely shit. Everything is about color-coordination and nail polishes with them. God forbid their hair is out of place. What a headache!" Eunwoo runs a hand through his hear before giving you an award winning smile. "That's why I'm glad I got to hang out with you! You're real."

"I'm....real?" You ask with a cocked head as your eyes start to narrow. He's too busy thinking that you like what he's saying so he continues.

"Yeah. You know, you keep it real. You're not caught up in that frivolous, girly bullshit. You're so chill, Y/N." He keeps smiling at you like he just gave you the highest form of compliment he possibly could.

But you can't bring yourself to crack a smile even if someone held a barrel of a gun to your temple at the moment. In fact, you feel like throwing up. You should've know from the start, from the moment he was so unreasonably impressed with your lack of makeup at the beginning of the year.

Eunwoo was one of those guys.

"Um," You slide your heels back on and grab your clutch, "You know what, you stay. I'll go."

"Wait, what." His brows raise in half confusion and half surprise as he watches you stand up from your seat.

"Yeah, I'll walk home."

"Wait, Y/N. Why would you walk home? I already said I'd drop you off-"

"No thanks. I don't want to get in a car with a sexist."

"What?!" Eunwoo reels back, "What the fuck are you talking about?! I'm not a sexist! I respect women!"

You huff, turning to him with a glare. "You respect women who are "cool" and "chill" and basically act like men. You should've just taken one of your dudes to prom if these are your opinions. I'm out."

So, that's how you find yourself in your pretty dress sitting in one of the plastic chairs of a convenience store with a popsicle in your mouth as you watch the cars drive by. You were too embarrassed to arrive home so early, you hyped up prom night so much to your dad - you'd rather lie and tell him you had a good time.

If the night couldn't possibly get any shittier, while you eat away at your cherry popsicle feeling undeniably sorry for yourself, you hear a familiar laugh followed by sounds of shoes scuffing against the pavement towards the convenience store.

Of course. Of fucking course, Jung Wooyoung would show up now, when you needed him least.

You try to make yourself seem as small as possible in the plastic chair, hoping he or his two friends wouldn't notice you (which in retrospect was a dumb hope, you were sitting right by the entrance in a fucking prom dress).

Ever since Wooyoung graduated high school two years ago, you only saw him in passing. He'd come home for Christmas holidays or a week or two during the summers and you'd only catch him skunk out of his house and into his dad's car if you were lucky. Unlucky, that is of course.

Maybe you were hoping he wouldn't even recognize you and although it would kind of hurt (as embarrassing as that is to admit), you feel like it would be a better option.

But since you were on a roll tonight, obviously this is just another thing that doesn't go your way.

"Nice dress, Y/L/N." You hear Wooyoung's voice speak, followed by snickers from his idiotic friends and his own attempt at stifling his laughter as they walk past you and into the convenience store, the small bell above the door signaling their entrance.

That ends up being your last straw. 

You don't cause another fight or yell something back after him, no, you don't have the energy to do that tonight. Instead, you feel like you will cry.

Tears are already burning at your eyes and your bottom lip wobbles, you're not even aware that your eyes follow Wooyoung through the display of the store, watching him as he picks up a pack of beer and heads for the cashier.

He got even more painfully handsome than he was when you'd see him every day before he graduated. His hair was double toned, the top of it black and the bottom strands bleached, brushing the nape of his neck.

You think you could even see a tattoo peaking under his shirt as he moves.

Jung Wooyoung was so not your type. Not that you really knew what your type was but all the guys that you found cute in your high school years were athletes, jocks who were organized and dedicated to their routine which in your opinion showcased their maturity, got good grades and were respected by their peers. Wooyoung was really the complete opposite of that so it was hard to explain why you so weirdly hung up over his approval.

He's still laughing about something with his friends, it would hurt so badly if it was about you, as his eyes dart through the display and connect with your own.

Wooyoung does a double take before his big smile slowly slips and dare you say, eyes soften as he looks at you and his lips part as if he wants to say something. 

It could all be in your head though and you're feeling even worse now that he caught you staring at him like a total creep, so you throw your popsicle in the trash and get up with a sigh, slipping back into your heels and deciding to just go home.

-

"Hey, Y/L/N! Wait up, I'll give you a ride home!" Wooyoung calls out after you, the plastic bag swinging back and forth in his hand. 

He can hear Chanwook's hushed objection which Wooyoung chooses to ignore, instead focused on walking closer to you. You couldn't make it far since you were basically limping in your heels.

"No thanks." Wooyoung hears your response and rolls his eyes. He hasn't spoken to you in the last two years at all but he can see that nothing has changed much - you were still too stubborn for your own good.

You didn't even bother to turn back and look at him, instead you hitch your dress further up and continue up the street and away from the convenience store.

"Y/N, come on. Quit being a brat and just wait for me to bring the car around."

"I said no!" You yell over your shoulder and let out a small yelp when you stutter a bit on your feet. To Wooyoung, you resembled Bambi right now.

"I'm trying to help you!" He yells back, still following you, "Just let me drive you back-"

"Wooyoung, seriously, fuck off!" You turn to face him with red cheeks and teary eyes (maybe that's why he's insisting so badly to drive you home, you simply look pathetic), "I don't need your fucking help!"

Wooyoung reels back at your tone and harsh words and then a wave of embarrassment washes over him when he hears Chanwook and Eunhyuk laugh behind him, at the fact that he just got told off by his little neighbour.

The embarrassment is followed up by anger that prickles at his skin like needles, he scoffs and if there's one thing Wooyoung will be - it's petty; "Fine! Limp home in your stupid heels then, see if I give a shit!"

You don't give him a response and Wooyoung doesn't bother to look for it either, instead turns around on his feet and heads towards his car (his dad's car). But not before telling a laughing Chanwook to shut the fuck up.

But once he's in the car with the keys in the ignition, he stares at the steering wheel in obvious contemplation before letting out a small groan, "Fuck."

Wooyoung turns to Chanwook, "Sit in the back, please."

His friend looks at him in surprise and confusion. "What?"

"Just sit in the back, will you? Please." Wooyoung repeats, avoiding Chanwook's eyes but feeling his stumped stare.

"Wooyoung, you cannot be serious." His friend laughs in disbelief as if reading his mind, looking around before giving Wooyoung another incredulous look, "She just told you to fuck off!"

Eunhyuk is quiet in the back which is a huge relief for Wooyoung, he really didn't need to defend himself to his other friend too.

"I can't let her go by foot in the dark, you've seen her! She can barely walk!" Wooyoung says defensively to both of his friends as Chanwook moves to the back with a huff.

"And that's your problem...how?" Chanwook, like the annoying pest he is, asks.

"It's not...." Wooyoung trails off, trying to look for an excuse as to why he was going out of his way to give you a ride home. "But...but her dad would kill me if he knew I saw her and didn't drive her back. It's only right."

Chanwook smacks his lips obnoxiously loud, "Sure."

Wooyoung doesn't even need to turn around to know that his friend is giving him a very bold side eye right now.

Eunhyuk snorts but doesn't say anything else. Wooyoung is thankful for that at least.

"She probably won't even want to get in the car." Chanwook comments quietly as they reach you on the sidewalk. He ends up being ignored.

Wooyoung rolls the window of the old car down so he can talk to you, he has to say you're walking at an impressively slow pace. "Y/N, get in the car."

He hears you groan dramatically from the outside, "Jung, you're not my dad. Stop telling me what to do."

Wooyoung ignores Chanwook and Eunhyuk's snickers in the back once again, he grows even more irritated, "I'll call your fucking dad right now and tell him you're walking home alone this late. How about that?"

You turn to him with your glossy lips twisted into a scowl, "You wouldn't."

Always ready to prove a point or in this case, lie straight out of his ass, Wooyoung makes a show of stopping his car next to the sidewalk and fishing his phone from the pocket of his jacket before opening up his contacts and beginning to scroll. He doesn't even have your dad's number.

But Wooyoung is a professional bullshitter so he keeps pressing random buttons with a straight face and presses the phone to his ear before turning to you with his brows raised-

"Okay, fine!" You exclaim with an angry huff and start rounding his car as your cheeks flush a pretty pink color. Wait, pretty-? You open the door and angrily plop into the passenger's seat with a glare directed towards him, "Fucking snitch."

Wooyoung ignores you, locking his phone without another word and beginning to drive away.

There's an awkward silence in the car, only sounds being made are those of the plastic bags filled with beer that keep rustling in Eunhyuk's lap.

"This isn't the way to our street." You say and Wooyoung might be crazy but you almost sound a little nervous at that. He glances at you before it dawns onto him. Of course, you'd be feeling nervous.

It's nighttime and you're in a car with three dudes older than you who you don't know that well. Wooyoung didn't even bother telling you about his plan before he started driving. A curse runs through his head before he clears his throat,

"I'll just drop these two off at a party nearby and then drive you home." He murmurs, chest constricting a little when he sees you cross your hands over your chest, a gesture which makes you seem smaller.

"Wait, wha-" Chanwook, gosh he was really pissing Wooyoung off tonight, starts from the backseat. "Woo, I thought you were going too-"

"I will." Wooyoung interrupts him with a clenched jaw as he pulls up to the house where the party is held, "I'll drop Y/N off and then come back, it won't take more than fifteen minutes. Now get out- Wait, give me that bag right there."

Eunhyuk hands him one of the plastic bags and Wooyoung fishes through it and pulls out two blueberry ice creams out of it before giving the bag back to Eunhyuk. Which he bought for himself, of course. Not because he saw your popsicle melting on the pavement or anything.

Chanwook watches with a dropped jaw before huffing, Wooyoung hears him murmur, "Doing it for her dad, my ass-" 

"I'll be right back!" Wooyoung announces loudly, far too loudly, and Eunhyuk slams the car door shut so Wooyoung can drive away.

When he pulls away, the silence in the car is almost stifling so Wooyoung offers you the ice cream, "Here."

You look at him like a second head just popped out of his shoulder before looking back through the window and ignoring him completely. Wooyoung lets out a small groan. So stubborn.

"Oh my God, just take it." He says, placing the ice cream on your lap as he continues to drive. He bites back a smile when he sees you stare at the ice cream on your lap for a long second before grasping it and opening the wrapper so you can eat it.

Wooyoung really doesn't know what he's doing right now.

He doesn't know why he bought ice creams for you, he doesn't know why he insisted on getting rid of his friends first before dropping you off home, he has no idea why he keeps glancing at you every couple of seconds from the corner of his eye and he especially doesn't have a clue why he takes the longer route home.

When tomorrow comes and he wakes up hangover from the party and probably in someone else's bed, he'll give himself the same excuse he gave the boys. He wanted to make sure you got home safely because it's the right thing to do. There was nothing else to it.

But in this moment, right now, in the stifling silence and the breeze that flows through the opened window's because the air conditioning isn't working - Wooyoung notices things that he feels embarrassed to notice, or maybe he noticed them before but never allowed himself to appreciate them until tonight.

Like, how nice your bare neck and collarbones look now that your hair is pinned up in soft curls. A thin silver necklace graces your neck. Or how the two curled strands at the front frame your face prettily. Your eyelids are painted with something shimmery which Wooyoung doesn't know the name of and your cheekbones are a soft peach color intentionally placed there beforehand. 

Your glossy lips wrap around the ice cream cone and you bite off a huge chunk. 

"Why are you staring at me?" Wooyoung can decipher the question even through the mouthful of ice cream as you give him a slight glare.

Because you're pretty. Is what he wants to say, honest and bare, but he obviously can't because you're you and he's Wooyoung. "Because you have ice cream on your nose."

His hands tighten against the steering wheel when he sees you quickly look to the side and wipe at your nose self-consciously. You blush a scarlet red from the embarrassment. Great, now he feels like an asshole.

Wooyoung clears his throat, "Why did you look so sad? Back there, in front of the store."

He has no idea why he's trying to make conversation with you. You two never do that, never did. The closest thing to a conversation between Wooyoung and you would be the arguments you'd have in the middle of the school hallway when he'd tease you for your braces.

Those came off as well, by the way, he can see the pearly white teeth perfectly aligned now as you speak. No longer crooked. Maybe he'd like to see them pulled up in a smile but that's borderline wishful thinking now. You smiling at Wooyoung? Yeah, right.

"No reason." You tell him quietly, slumping in your seat as you continue to eat your ice cream. You sigh with an eyeroll, "Just...prom sucked."

Likely thing to happen.

The key is to go to prom with your expectations so low that you can only go up from there but Wooyoung had an inkling feeling that having low expectations wasn't in your nature.

Besides, you were a jock. He remembers even when you were a freshman, you were already running with the popular crowd without even being aware of it, with the athletes and the cheerleaders. Prom night is sort of a pinnacle of the high school experience for people like you.

Guess it's a bummer that you look like you had a shit time.

He hums, "At the end of the day, it's just another Friday night. Nothing special. So even if it sucked, you'll get over it."

Maybe he wasn't the best at giving advice or comforting people.

You side eye him and he pretends not to see it before you quietly add, "I don't usually spend a year worth of allowance on just another Friday night."

Wooyoung cracks a smile, teasing you being a second nature even if you barely spoke since he graduated, "What? Did you expect a prince charming to sweep you off your feet so you two can dance the night away or something? I didn't know you were into that corny shit, Y/L/N."

He hears you scoff, cheeks still red as you roll your eyes, seriously annoyed, "Whatever. Forget I said anything."

Wooyoung's gives a forced snicker just to annoy you before his smile drops again and his eyes flutter shut for a moment out of pure frustration at his own stupidity, internally cursing himself. If shooting yourself in the foot was a person - it would have Jung Wooyoung's photo and name posted under it.

Why can't you just be nice to her?

The air in the car turns even more awkward and Wooyoung shifts uncomfortably in his seat while you continue to eat your ice cream in silence as you stare through the window.

He slows down in front of your house just when you're finishing your ice cream.

You crumple the wrapper in your hand, place the second ice cream on the dashboard and grab the small bag laying on your lap before grabbing the door handle.

"I hope," Wooyoung starts and when you turn to look at him, he's overcome with a sudden coughing fit which is really just awkwardness and the need to fix whatever the fuck he broke a little even more tonight, "Uh, hope you took some good pictures tonight at least because..."

He trails off, feeling like it was his first time flirting with a girl. Wait, what the fuck. He was not flirting with you. Not even a little bit. Wooyoung was simply trying to pay you a compliment. Simple as that. It doesn't have to be anything more. You don't even need to be friends to pay someone a compliment, in fact, Wooyoung is positive that regular archnemeses complimented each other at least once.

Unfortunately, compliments aren't the norm between the two of you, so whatever nice thing he says feels wrong.

Your brows raise.

"You know," He trails off, scratching the back of his neck in an attempt to seem cool and collected. He nonchalantly adds but his side glances might give him away, fortunately you're too much of a ditz to notice, "You look good."

You stare at him for a long moment, seriously it's so long that he almost changes his mind and adds an insult just so you two would be back in those familiar waters of bickering and teasing each other but then your eyebrows fall back down and a scowl overtakes your features.

"Yeah, right." You mumble and Wooyoung almost feels insulted for some reason but then you continue, "Thanks for the ride."

And then you're out of the car and already moving across your front lawn before Wooyoung can snap out of it and remember to turn the car back on.

-

19 and 21 years old;

"10 more minutes! Y/L/N stop arguing with that asshole and get back into your position before you're out of the game completely!" 

Your coach is red in the face from all the shouting and you know what's good for you, so you keep your mouth shut as you run to your spot, thoroughly ignoring the glare your team's captain shoots at you from your right.

The 'asshole' that your coach is referring to is the referee who didn't count a player from the rival team almost breaking your leg by bulldozing into you - as a foul.

"-stole Eunha's position from her and can't even play properly." You hear a snicker behind you and don't even have to turn to know who it's directed at.

Despite it being only your first semester, you haven't made the greatest impression on your teammates (nor did you try all that much to change that impression). 

So for the time being, when there was no rival team, you were the collective enemy in the changing rooms and on the practice field. A freshman who kicked their friend from the spot she had since she started college. A freshman who thought she was better than the rest of her team. A freshman who didn't know how to behave at times. A freshman that made them run extra laps because she was bad at remembering all the new rules at times.

And now, a freshman that was playing badly and fucking up things for the rest of them.

"Y/N!" A hiss from your right is heard and your eyes zero in on your captain, Jihyo, who is staring at you. "Focus."

You swallow harshly and give her a quick now before focusing your gaze to the front.

In high school, you weren't used to losing. You were a winner, it's what you prided yourself in. Failure wasn't an option when it came to football.

But turns out in college, when all the other players are as good as you, winning isn't as easy.

In fact it’s a lot harder than you thought it would be. Nearing the end of the first half the score sheet is still empty and it annoys all of the players and the fans as well. The weirdest thing is how ball is not even on your team's side of the field most of the time; your defenders did not have a very entertaining start of the game in comparison to defenders from Busan, who already look out of breath from all of the attacks to their side. Not to mention that they keep teaming up on you specifically.

You can’t pinpoint what exactly is wrong and why there was no goal to this point; half of you thinks it’s because you didn’t blend well with the team. 

"Run, run, run!" Yeonjin shouts, when Sinb loses the ball and Busan’s midfielders rush to their side.

The spike of adrenaline energizes you and your eyes zero on the ball, running after it. Mina’s figure passes from your left and both of you corner the midfielder, successfully getting the ball to your side. You have it and quickly pass it to Yeonjin, seeing her signal for the ball. You watch her run off when a body collides with your own and the impact is so strong, you lose your balance, falling down.

‘What?’ You ask yourself in disbelief not understanding how you're sprawled across the grass again, slowly standing up. At first you're shell-shocked but now anger fills you to the brim when you see that it's the same girl who intentionally collided with you the first time, watching you with a smug smirk and then you're just  ready to fight.

 You push back at her and get even angrier when the bitch doesn't fall. 

"Are you going to go tattle to mommy?" She asks with a mocking concern and you can’t hear anything; you even forget that you are in the middle of the game because your anger turns your vision red. 

With a loud groan, you launch towards her and grab her by the shirt, screaming to her face that 'she's a cunt'. There are hands around you, pulling you away, trapping you and not letting you go even when you try to break free.

Jihyo's face is in front of you and you can't register what she's saying but you can see her turn red from how pissed off she is. Maybe it's better if you're not listening to her, if you can't hear anyone actually...but then-

"Hey, number nine! You better not fucking cry!"

At first, you think the loud yell came from somewhere on the field. You thought another player from the Busan team was talking shit. And then,

"Number nine! Crybaby!"

There's some laughter in the audience and it's then that you realize the voice is shouting from the fucking bleachers.

A teammate is already pulling you in the opposite direction but your eyes are glued to crowd sitting on the sidelines, the annoying voice insistently yelling. Crybaby. Crybaby. Crybaby.

The worst part is that the voice sounds so painfully familiar, you just can't put your finger on it. Who.

You're about to let it go. You're about to be the bigger person and not act like a total brute on the field, just let it go Y/N. But then-

"Hey, hey crybaby!" You stop in your tracks, head whipping to the direction the voice was coming from and eyes coasting over the bleachers. "What kind of hill did you roll down from that you don't even know how to push someone back properly?!"

Finally, you spot it. Him. In a red hoodie, making sure to stand out in the sea of blue. It's no wonder the voice sounded so eerily familiar, you've heard it screaming at you for the majority of your childhood and a good chunk of your teen years. 

Because he rolled down the same hill as you with only a street separating you.

When he realizes that you've caught onto him, he gives you that smile. That grin that never led to anything good, pearly white teeth gleaming under the lights of the bleachers as he taunts you.

You blood pressure jumps so, you take a deep breath and....scream;

"Jung Wooyoung!"

[tonydaddingham]

it's all well and good to have discourse regarding generalised theories and meta and such like, it's cool to discuss and (politely) debate stuff; maybe you can change other fans' minds by sharing your perspective/analysis, or maybe they can change yours.

what's not cool though? screenshotting actual posts (that can easily be found on a straightforward google boolean search, or hell - usually just by typing the contents into tumblr itself) of takes you don't agree with and subjecting them to focused ridicule. those are someone's thoughts and feelings. that is someone's time, their effort, and their dedication.

what's not cool is vagueing about people's posts in such a way that it is obvious that your post is about them, about that particular post, and not just the theory/theme in general. this fandom is huge but it's also incredibly small sometimes - we're all so often of the same mind that art and fic and meta pass through us like shockwaves. what im saying is that the person that that post is about? they'll probably see it. don't be bullies. a good portion of us have had enough of bullies to last us a lifetime, and it's not needed here.

reblog a post and disagree courteously, patiently, and with compassion, or make a separate post "ive seen discussion on this theme/thought, and whilst it was interesting, i personally don't agree and here's why...". send a polite ask to the op perhaps asking them to clarify some things, because you don't agree but at least want to understand and discuss, if they'd be amenable.

if the bad takes are becoming too much, or are upsetting you, or the person is doubling down despite polite debate and it's pissing you off? that's absolutely valid and you're allowed to feel like that - and if you don't want, or can't, address it politely, and it's too much... block them. block them so you don't have to keep seeing it. rant about it in the DMs to someone you trust if you really need to, but don't publicly make people - on what is (to my mind) the mostly inclusive and open-minded platform - feel like shit because they see media different than you.

don't make people feel like they're absolute scum just because you disagree. don't make them feel stupid, or close-minded. dont stick labels on them that they will likely internalise and make them feel like the worst human being to walk the earth. it's humiliating, it's alienating, and it's going make some people fear having any interest in something they used to enjoy, and that once brought them joy when they needed it most. you personally may not be bothered, but others might - have some respect for them.

god knows im not perfect and ive done it myself, im not pretending otherwise bc sometimes i catch myself being unkind, or feeding into this culture of "different thought = wrong thought", but by god im trying to do better. don't be like me, please please please just be fucking kind

[pinkpastels113]

intro post

okay so i realized that i've never done one of these and i kinda want to!! esp for the new people following me and my side account @caitlynspistol, which i plan on keeping even if my fandoms and otp brain rots change

name: wenz (pronounced as when-zzz, or if you're anne, whence is fine too LMAO). it's not my real name but that's what i'm comfortable with on here!

pronouns: she/her.

nicknames: i respond to girl, girlie, dude, or any cute pet names hehe

age: 22

personality type: enfj (protagonist mbti personality). i also relate to harley quinn, lexie grey, annabeth chase, red of hearts, and chloe beale (besides the barging into other people's shower part). more of a golden retriever than a black cat, esp at work and around people i like and can be myself with, but can be a standoffish opinionated moody lil binch if im pissed or annoyed lmao

lgbtq?: yes. i think im labeling myself as bi but leaning towards wlw

country: usa (even tho i be so tired of it sometimes 💀)

comfort fandom: pitch perfect and bechloe! it's the fandom that i originally joined tumblr and got an ao3 account for, and the pairing that i feel the most comfortable and natural writing for

type of content creator: i'm more of a writer than an artist but i'm trying to explore more of my artsy side. i've loved drawing since i was 5. it's just difficult sometimes to motivate myself and practice my art when everyone else is so much better HAHA

i prefer to write drabbles and one-shots more than multi-chapter fics bc my attention span and motivation just. won't let me. but if enough people encourage me and ask for them-!! i also like to write aus? and fluff? and meet-cutes i think :)

current obsession/brain rots: glassheart from descendants the rise of red but im scared that caitvi will take over this spot when the new arcane season releases lmao

others: wenclair from wednesday, chaggie from hazbin hotel, harlivy from dc but mostly the tv show, damie from the haunting of bly manor, percabeth from percy jackson

guilty pleasures: nikkenzie (dork diaries), miraculous ladybug (ADFSJHDSLK MY SISTER GOT ME INTO THIS DON'T COME FOR ME-), sunset shimmer x twilight sparkle

comfort/fav shows: grey's anatomy and friends

comfort/fav movies: tangled, mulan, mean girls, just chick flicks in general ig, the pp franchise

music: i'm a swiftie so pop :) not the ones that are too techno but like soft? but also catchy. i also like throwback 2010s music bc those SLAP

hobbies besides being a part of the fandom: i like to play card games, read/discover contemporary romance books, paint, text or hang out with my friends, do puzzles, be a couch potato, play wild rift (league of legends on mobile), watch asmr videos on tiktok, and just explore the city ig

special tags?: "wenz can talk" for my posts that i just yap in, "w writes" for my writing, "w sketches" for my art

anything else to share: i love getting asks! like from ask meme games or just getting to know you questions, nothing too personal tho! i also welcome any kind of interaction that gets me to talk about my fandoms/brain rots/ships. pls don't be shy lmao: you can interact through tags in a reblog or through an anon ask if you don't know how ima react. worse case scenario i just won't reply? but i'm not gonna judge or bash on you or anything unless you come for me first 😭

[softspiderling]

A really serious question, lol But do you feel that Harry is probably at least bi? At least for the time being. My radar is literally screaming about it, but at the same time I don't want to be a jerk and label someone. After all, he is 20 years old! At his age, I tried everyone and everything while I was looking for myself and my preferences. And I am touched by the questions about the forbidden ones. Guys, this is Hollywood. And once again, he is 20 years old. He is handsome, white, rich, famous actor/DJ. Obviously, the guy experiments a lot. The main thing is that he knows the measure and does not become addicted. Tom, in principle, is also suspicious, although he seems more like a hetero. But then again, we were all young and when it comes to pleasure, for a guy like Tom, gender doesn't matter. Damn it, even the most declared and vociferous naturals whom I met someone actually did not mind getting to know a member closer. Men are such men 😄

omg i’m so glad you’re not psycho anon bc i feel like this is such an important/interesting question (i should’ve known)

psa i write this AS MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION and i know harry won’t read this

i genuinely believe harry is somewhat on the lgbtq spectrum lol, my radar is also ringing! i’ve also seen soso many tiktoks where the search bar is “harry collett boyfriend”😭 he might just be curious or idk ! (sorry i need to ask what do you mean by the forbidden ones? i feel like im lacking context here!)

pls. i read “he is more like a hetero” i thought you meant “he’s more than hetereo, there’s something there” anyways idk! i feel like it’s also bc harry feels so confident in his masculinity and doesn’t limit himself to “traditionally masculine clothes” mostly in photoshoots, and maybe that’s why? he said he’s really inspired by harry styles, right?

on the other hand, i don’t want this to turn into a situation like the one with kit (that’s his name right??)

[doberbutts]

Right, I agree with what you're saying (like I said in the ask itself, I don't fully agree with that rebuttal either).

So would you say that rather than use the terms TMA/TME, which are rendered inaccurate by the employement of the word "exempt", a better choice would be to just plainly say "transfem" and "not transfem"?

I suppose I don't have much of an issue with them since I believe that that's the information they're meant to materially convey, regardless of specific word choice (similarly to how I feel about the terms transmisandry or transandrophobia, and how despite the unfortunate word choice they're not meant to imply the existence of misandry as an axis of oppression, which is why I'm ok with using them. Regardless, I know you personally don't tend to make use of those terms), though I wouldn't be opposed if there was an effort at some point to reword them into something more accurate.

All that being said, I wanna thank you for engaging in this conversation with me! I very much appreciate that you took the time and kindness to explain your pov the way you did.

To answer the first: tbf I'm black so there's "black" and "nonblack", I'm Native and there's "Native" and "non-Native" or "non-indigenous", but also... I'm white and there's "white" and "people of color" (which is another term I don't love bc it makes clueless white ppl call me "colored" bc they think that's allowed now due to calling me "of color" but w/e it's here to stay I guess, it's why you rarely ever see me call myself a person of color and why I'm generally more specific about this when possible) because "non-white" is a pretty loaded phrase.

Anyway. Again I don't want to police what terms trans fems use to describe their own theory and experiences. I don't like the TMA/TME dichotomy but I instead choose to talk theory in other terms unless directly asked my opinion. If I don't like a term, mostly I just avoid using it, and will only talk about it if asked or if I see a post detailing why someone else doesn't like it and agree. If someone else likes a term and wants to use it for themselves, idgaf. Just don't expect me to be happy when labeling me with a term that I don't like or agree with.

I also would like to thank you for an altogether pleasant evening discussion.

[mewos-laptop]

Yoooo intro post ???? ‼‼‼

Hey gamers, uhhh I'm Mewo/Albedo/Fruity and this is my general/mix of so much shit blog !!! My other one is strictly alterhuman based primarily, but I wanted one that my irl friends are permitted to be privy to lmao

Abt me: I'm queer, generally using the label "gay" for myself, an agender trans boy, and polyamorous aromantic/fictoromantic. I use a shit ton of pronouns, but I primarily use it/its, xey/xem, and rlly any noun neopronouns. I also use he/him, however I am brought much joy by my neopronouns being used, so he/him is secondary :P. I'm diagnosed with clinical anxiety (over most of the anxiety disorder spectrum, so including OCD and social), depression, and Hypermobile Spectrum Disorder (HSD), and am self diagnosed autistic, ADHD, BPD and UDD.

Recognized dissasociative traumagenic/multigenic collective of five and counting. Questioning UDD. We do not tolerate fakeclaiming of our identity, nor do we owe you the information of us being traumagenic or recognized as dissasociative in the first place. Know your place, because you are on OUR blog.

SPEAKING OF WHO I AM, KIN LIST JUST DROPPED Y'ALL (Subject to change/being outdated bc I don't have enough time in my day to add and remove every single questioning kin everytime smth happens in my brain XD)

We also have a list of fellas which may front, and information about them.

I'm an alterhuman, a xenogender user, and generally the cringiest person you'll meet !!! My interests that I'm gonna post abt mostly are alt fashion/fashion in general, OMORI/rlly just my friend's OMORI posts, my friend's writing projects, my own writing projects, Regretivator, various mental health stuff, and rlly just anything in general that I like (speaking of which check out Carolina Magat on YT/The Nursery Series my friend [@valleyfthdolls] makes it and it's cool and I play Cody hehe)

I'm a scene kid in style/music taste and a punk in ideals, sparkledog nightmare cringe boyfailure, baby Kandi kid, and the scary faggot transspecies the conservatives warned you about.

Oh yeah, I'm also a minor (16-18 age range) sooo NSFW/NSFT dni plsss Xp

Other DNI shit. I don't cover everything, but I do just block ppl who make me uncomfortable :3

-Including an entire new paragraph for this bc holy shit. THOSE WHO ARE NOT PLURAL WHO ENGAGE IN SYSCOURSE DO NOT INTERACT. You do not belong in the conversation regarding them, and do not have the experience of those who are plural. Absolutely do not interact with me. I would also prefer for anti endos and anti-leaning neutrals to not interact. If I see you are anti endo and following me I WILL clown on you. It's quite frankly none of your business if sum1 is disordered or not, and I'm fucking tired of dealing with this bullshit. Live your life how you want, endos are not opressing you, and I do not give a shit if they describe their lived experience as plural. The brain is confusing and we do not fully understand the origins of systemhood fully. There are many debates still ongoing in the medical community, and until they come to a concensus that 100% is agreed on and 100% proves that endos are secretly lying to you, until that point comes, if it ever does, then we accept endos on our page, no questions asked.

-Identity police (specifically ppl who hate "conflicting" queer identities, bc literally sum1's identity has nothing to do w/ you XD), proshippers (I am fully aware it's fiction, no, I do not hate those who engage with hard topics in fiction, but that does not mean I want the romanticized view of those things for the titillation of the viewer on my dash, ESPECIALLY due to it triggering my intrusive thoughts), racists, homophobes, transphobes, Zionists, pro-cringeculture, anti-recovery blogs, anti-alterhuman, intersexists, radfems, blah blah blah y'all get it.

BYI: I will post the occasional vent, I have a godawful memory, and I am severely mentally ill. I will often react before thinking when I am in states of distress, and my BPD can make me inappropriately angry, or inappropriately emotional. I have a hard time remembering trigger tags at times due to my bad memory, so please give me gentle reminders if I mistag something, or if I forget to tag something for you. Just in general, if I do something that makes you uncomfortable, give me a gentle reminder, because chances are I just literally didn't realize/or I forgot.

Alr bye bye :3

[xx-slug-xx]

Hiii so I just saw ur post and ask reply about proshipper antis and ocd and I wanted to give my two cents because idk I'm like self important or something? But I do think I have a good perspective as someone who's never truly affiliated with proship or anti proship (I'm also not a huge poster or anything so.)

I've been diagnosed with OCD for most of my life and also have been a victim of sexual violence, which is only relevant because when I was younger I had a debilitating obsession with being "found out" as someone who consumed noncon and proship content. I was really disgusted with it while simultaneously consuming and writing it myself, albeit privately which I thought made it "more okay". It took me a long while to leave this mindset because, as most ocd obsessions are, it was not congruent with reality. I feel the trap that a lot of people fall in to is within the labels of pro or anti, that there must be one or the other. Mainly people will label themselves as anti because it's, to me, an elitism of morality that only serves to detriment their own values. (Ie if you're pro-morals then you should seek to understand and rehabilitate, if you rlly think some kinks are so horrible that anyone who enjoys them needs to change.)

I've found that in the real world, among my friends who are on irl kink communities or who I just candidly discuss these sorts of things with, most don't have starkly pro or anti mindsets. I think it's strange that the very common mindset of "I'm really not into it but it's none of my business" is labeled as proship online. Ive never heard an incredibly anti sentiment be expressed as outwardly as it is online, because it's really just socially inappropriate to judge people's personal thoughts like that irl..? All that being said, I believe that if there wasn't this loud anti proship discourse online, I would have not been so distressed with my private thoughts before I was in recovery, and really the intensity with which these "thought crime" ideals are expressed only serves to make more people label themselves as proship. People generally don't like being judged for intimate things, shocker.

Valid experience and good opinions, anon :D

Tbh, my experience is kinda similar, though not exact. I always felt guilt for anything I enjoyed in fiction and that includes virtually all my kinks since they are mostly all fiction due to me being aspec! I think my guilt stems from religious trauma tbh. It’s a sin to be happy after all! Must be the devils temptation /j! Growing up in fandom, seeing people online saying all these things I enjoyed actually made me a bad person caused me feel like I was dirty. That there was something wrong with me for actually really mundane things. And my OCD fed off of that like a leach. I still to this day can’t let people borrow my phone bc my OCD tells me that people will do or say nasty things to me if they find out. “Find out” meaning that they see the fanart and fanfics that aren’t even on my device that I looked at somewhere in the past (not even recent!). Wasn’t until the last four-ish years where I realized that was dumb lol. It was a long journey of self acceptance that I still struggle with today. It’s hard to get past mental illness, but you can live with it and still be happy! It may never go away, but you can absolutely learn to tell your brain to stop being dumb as fuck!

Like, why would I be kicked out of my house for watching South Park as a child? I wouldn’t have been, but my OCD brain told me shit like that all the time! I’m not bad for having fun! Neither is anyone else!

I absolutely agree with you that labeling the normal response to seeing something you don’t like, or meeting someone who likes that thing, as “ok not my thing but good for you ig” shouldn’t be a “proship” thing. I don’t like the pro vs anti divide all that much. But in reality, that’s how this internet argument is taken and seen. It’s rooted in it from a fandom history perspective (as lame as it sounds when I say it lmao). Normal people in real life don’t care about internet drama, and they don’t care what a proshipper or antishipper is. I honestly feel like a lot of people forget that, but I see a lot of people on the anti side of things applying their internet opinions to the real world. That’s why I’m concerned. I see a lot of antiship people dropping irl friends and spreading label against them too, and it’s not a healthy mindset or way to live. It’s fine to not have the same tastes, even being uncomfortable with someone else’s tastes. But I don’t think it’s healthy to worry so much that it affects your real life like how I see a ton of antis doing. Life is uncomfortable and it’s full of people who can make you uncomfortable. But life isn’t black and white, and people/things that make you kinda uncomfortable with certain things can also be things you could care less about. I know so many people in my life at least who I just don’t talk about certain subjects with for that very reason, but we are still great friends regardless of our differences! And they aren’t “bad people” either lmao

Proship vs antiship never should have been a thing. Imo, you’re either an asshole towards others for stupid reasons, or you aren’t and just agree to disagree unless someone’s causing real harm! Proshippers can be assholes just like antishippers sometimes lmao, so those aren’t synonymous!

[enlighten3d]

Hi sorry I know this might be really personal and you obviously don't have to answer if you don't want to but you post a lot about being aroace and I've been thinking about that for myself kind of a lot lately and was just wondering how you know for sure that that's what you are as opposed to not having found the right person yet kind of thing that people always tell you.

Again sorry personal absolutely don't feel pressured.

mmmm okay so! idm answering this, im happy to help (: but for claritys sake: i am asexual by definition, but i dont indentify as such! i only id as aromantic bcs thats the only indentity that actually feels important and like a part of me. might not make any sense but whatever lol

how i knew that im aro? i just. found the label, and was like, 'sure, why not.' and it stuck. its... for the difference between being aro and not having found the right person yet, its that, well. okay, so what if youre not actually aro? you do meet someone you love romantically even after youve ided as aro for years? cool, whatever, you can keep the aro label, or change it. or you never do fall in love romantically, and dont need to do anth abt the label.

what im saying is... mm okay label is a misnomer. i once heard someone say that labels are more akin to fridge magnets - you stick them on, and maybe they stay and you like how they look and make you happy. or maybe you stick them on and they look bad and you dont like them so you take them down. or maybe you stick them on and you like them for a while, but it starts feeling wrong eventually, so you take them down. labels - like magnets - arent permanent.

its impossible to really, truly, make a mistake in finding a label that explains your experiences. even if its wrong, there was smth that felt right abt it at that time. its a part of your journey. we, as people, are ever-changing - its literally impossible to know what will happen tomorrow, nevermind in a few years (sorry the isat reference is mostly unintentional).

so how did i know? i stuck the aro magnet on. and i like how it looks for now, maybe forever. maybe ill find the 'right one' or whatever, or maybe i wont. if i do, then whatever, down goes the magnet. if i dont (and i dont think i will, for the record! i dont have any Reasoning, its just... okay ill explain this next paragraph), then up there it stays. youre free to say youre aro for now and then change it if it ever changes. theres nothing stopping you, nonnie

as for yeah, whatever vague wording i can give to my reasoning, its... standard stuff, sorry. ive never understood romance? i think its completely fucking unnecessary and overrated. stupid, even. i straightup Do Not Get It. i forced myself to say i have a crush on a guy in gr4 bcs everyone else was talking abt crushes. decided i was romantically attracted to this girl in dance class bcs i liked her vibes. trying to conform to actually wanting romance when i just dont. dated this girl in gr8, and then when we broke up (i am bad at communication and unfortunately incredibly fucking clingy), i was like... 'huh, i didnt really feel that different about her than i did abt any of my other friends'. i just really really cared abt her and wanted to be close w her, and the only way i knew how to do that was 'romance'. but that wasnt it. found out abt aro ppl (forget how; memory is Trash), and was like 'oh damn, thats... that makes sense'. i definitely had a crisis and Logic but i do not remember that, sorry. all of this is pieced together from old text messages and half-remembered memories hajdjdzkzos

imo the concept of a 'right one' is pretty damn fucking stupid (/nay; at Society). 8 billion ppl on earth. im not going to find this hypothetical right one who can change absolutely everything about me and my identity. ive got the ppl around me that i already love. im happy w that. chasing after some hypothetical infinitesimal chance of a person whos Perfect for oneself is just a damn waste of time

so just... these decisions dont have to be permanent, nonnie. youre allowed to be wrong and realise that you werent actually aroace. youre allowed to be wrong. so if you want my advice? say youre aroace. stick the magnet on, see if it falls off or not. its still a valid and valuable part of your journey. youre allowed to be wrong. youre always allowed to be wrong.

i mean, afterall, how can one be sure that they ARE allo? that they WILL find that 'right one'? through experience. so fuck around, find out. stick that magnet on.

good luck (: i rly rly hope this is helpful and not just me repeating what youve already heard, sry for yapping so much LMAO. i have a lot to say

[fromfiction]

(excuse the slight lengthiness of this ask pls 😭)

um hello! i’ve seen you answering questions on this blog, so i hope you can answer this one! /nf

i’m entirely new to the term and idea of “fictionkin” but ever since i found out about what fickin was and what it meant, i figured it might be me but i couldn’t be 100% sure because of a smaller thing.

for a bit more context which i feel may be important: i pretty much spent all my life mentally viewing myself as literally animated, as animated medias have always been a special interest since i was little (i’m now diagnosed w/ autism which is why i used that term btw). though i never truly viewed myself as any canon character, i always viewed myself as my self insert sonas growing up, my finest examples of this through the years would be self insert sonas of mlp and eddsworld. nowadays, as my main special interest is my own work (as a writer and artist) i mentally view myself as my persona, i always have during these current years and i believe i always will, to the point where i don’t even associate myself with my body or face physically bc i’ve always viewed myself as some sort of fictional version of myself and in my mind that’s how i look to myself. to put this in terms of an example, i once told someone that my physical body is like a car because i like to decorate it and make it look nice and i use it to get around in this world, but my persona is the driver because in my mind, that’s who i am and i’m simply using this “car” to get around (remember this is an example i don’t literally think my body is a car lmao)

but yea, the reason i’m very confused is because i always see fictionkins identifying as canonical characters from a media, or ig even self inserts as i’ve heard somewhere (correct me if i’m wrong) but i never hear about people identifying as their OWN characters if this makes sense. in my mind, a fictional character is a fictional character, which would include my persona that is very much fictional in every way (atp my persona is a developed character with fictional lore, other worldly traits (like magic), and is always a part of little scenarios or short stories i make up for comfort or outta boredom, just happens to resemble me irl in most ways but is basically how i view myself mentally down from personality to clothes that i really connect with but don’t really wear irl)

but anyway yes, i’ve tried and tried to research for anything that might be similar to my case but i don’t really find much at all.

i hope this ask was okay to send, ik it might be lengthy ik you weren’t asking for my “life story” it’s just that i’ve always wondered what was wrong with me in terms of this topic and why i viewed myself as being a fictional character, and now that i feel closer to a possible answer it’s very relieving but still confusing since i don’t know if the label really fits what i go through. i can’t help but wonder if it’s also maladaptive daydreaming or multiple things/something else but i prob can’t expect much advice or help w that on this blog which is perfectly okay lmao

again, if you read this or even answer this, thank you i’ve really needed to ask this desperate question to someone who seems to know a lot about this subject for possible help so i came here bc i saw that this blog was active for the most part! i’m also sorry if i asked things that weren’t okay to ask or have said/assumed things that weren’t okay either, again i’m very new to fictionkin as a whole.

have a great day and thank you <3

Hey friend. No worry about asking!

It sounds like you're asking if you can be fictionkin of an "original character".

The answer is absolutely. There are plenty of people who are kin of their own ocs, you just don't usually see them talking about it, mostly because their posts don't end up in fandom tags.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Hi! I’m curious to hear (in a vague way) what the process was like uncovering the DID if you’re comfortable answering. Like how long did it take? Did your therapist(s)/treatment team first consider other diagnoses? And anything else you feel comfortable sharing.

Hihi! This is sort of a hard question to answer for me, but I can try!

What constitutes my "treatment team" is sort of hard to define in this sense, because IDK if you mean "the ppl over the course of my life" or like "the one who wrote it on paper."

I've been seeing a therapist since I was 6 years old. I started going to outpatient programs like when I was in my early teens for Behavioral Problems. In those I was diagnosed with everything in the book so like. In that sense other diagnoses were considered? I think by the time I was 18 and kicked out of the house/able to see a professional of my own volition not connected to my parents/disciplinary programs, I was mostly labeled as BPD, PTSD, depression + anxiety, OCD, maybe NPD or ODD. I don't really give a single shit about any of those because I don't define myself by diagnoses anymore, or try not to, and my therapists as an adult told me it was majorly fucked that I was diagnosed with all that as a teenager. Most of them weren't even legit they were just labels to try and pin down why I was a Bad Kid. Spoiler for that, the answer was that generally teenagers act out when they're subject to intense trauma basically all the time and aren't listened to and are institutionalized. Tends to fuck your brain up real bad. I'm a lot better now not bc I got over the laundry list of diagnoses, but because I'm in like. A stable and supportive and independent environment.

I was officially diagnosed as an adult, exact ages escape me but probably like 19? It came as a surprise to me but fit like a glove re: my experiences with memory loss, not remembering where I am, meeting people who have met me before but I didn't remember, people telling me I did things I don't think I would, etc. It was really upsetting to hear because it's such a. Permanent and perception-of-life altering disorder. I was definitely hoping it was something that could be like. Cured more easily. It was also definitely hard to come to terms with the fact my childhood was That Bad, when I didn't really think it was before.

My therapist at the time said it was almost stupidly obvious that was what I had, even tho I wasn't like. Aware of it.

So like. How long did it take is hard to answer. Overall, if you count all the time I was being seen by psychiatric "professionals?" Over 10 years. If you count just that therapist? Like one year.

I'm a lil scatterbrained RN, so I might add more detail later or if u send another ask. I guess the question is so open and vague it's hard to answer without a full autobiography LMAO.

But I guess it would be useful to know why you wanna know. Then I could probably give a better answer. Are you considering the diagnosis for yourself? Are you trying to see if ur experience is shared w others? But also keep in mind I'm a weird little anti-psych dog who in general rejects the idea of seeking diagnosis for treatment. RN in therapy I mostly talk about my day to day struggles with whatever (like "damn, I've been really fixated on [specific trauma] this week" or "I made a friend" or "I'm really stressed about this argument I had" or "later this week im going on a date and i don't wanna fuck it up") and occasionally parts stuff comes up. Therapy hasn't majorly changed I don't think. Then again I'm real shit brain right now and my memory sucks ass. Maybe I can answer better later I just know if I didn't answer at all I'd forget.

[utilitycaster]

I keep thinking abt your "'must a story have conflict?' Yes actually hope this helps" posts in the context of laudna and imogen because like. Their shippers keep saying like. "You just don't UNDERSTAND the beauty of their Perfect Relationship, the bond that Traumatized People have that makes them In Tune, so sad how you will never understand love or being with another etcetera etcetera" and it's like. what the hell are you talkinf about (they're usually the kind of ppl with weird and bad narrative ideas re: their traumas so uwu sad everyone is against them). Don't we want this relationship to be healthy and beneficial to both of them? Don't get me wrong, I love Toxic Girl Yuri fucked up tragic relationships as much as anyone else but shippers pretty clearly aren't angling for that kind of story, and neither would the trajectory of the campaign support it. The onscreen dynamic isn't even spicy enough to HAVE toxic codependency it's just. There.

what's funny is that actually my favorite era of their relationship was the "we transcend labels, you and I" thing Laudna said to Imogen. Partly bc personal aro feelings but also because THAT felt like genuine no expectations support to fall back on. The idea that they could just Be and always be It wasn't ASKING for the kind of dynamicism of a romantic relationship such and such, but now with the girlfriends thing, it feels like now there should be WAY more than what's been happening. Does any of this make sense?

Hey anon,

So I largely agree (will cover the one point of not entire agreement below). I do want to note that if you're the person who's sent me other questions recently on this topic please feel free to DM me! I think it's valid to want to voice those frustrations, and I get not wanting to do so publicly (though I think the harassment on Tumblr at least has largely died down) but also to be completely honest I have been fully in a Nein and Candela headspace with a handful of exceptions mostly relating to wiki stuff so I've been answering these anons but I'll admit it's not where my thoughts have been re: CR stuff for the past few weeks.

Anyway, I can understand the desire for a QPR or simply close friends for Imogen and Laudna! I am not aro myself, and I do enjoy a good romantic plot, but I'd rather have a well-executed story with no romance than a good story slightly marred by poorly done romance. However, it's actually really interesting to me (in a good/neutral way) that you recall it as "we transcend labels" because the actual quote (3x49, 4:52:57) is "We transcend words, you and I" and I could not stand that because my frustration has again always been that they spend a lot of time talking, and absolutely none of it communicating; they have never transcended words, they have simply not fucking used them well. More generously, I think a relationship in which a couple is on such a wavelength that they do have a sense of how the other feels without needing to talk (or read minds, in this situation) can be aspirational in real life, though again, I don't think that's actually what's going on here; but even if it were, that is not remotely interesting to watch. I truly do not give a shit in the end if relationships on the shows I watch are healthy or unhealthy provided the narrative knows what it's fucking doing and I think people who are obsessed with unproblematic wholesomeness are frankly suspect, but man, either be toxic codependent yuri or be two people trying to understand each other, instead of two people who seem to only occasionally remember that they are important to each other, and never seem to remember why.

But yes, the fact that virtually nothing has changed despite a relationship upgrade, especially in light of the relationship losing my interest as a platonic thing 30 or 40 episodes prior to them becoming a romantic couple is now thrown into more stark relief because you'd think something would change. Like, that's the thing. There was no romance; there was no plot. While I think the people who insisted from the start that CLEARLY they were already dating are the kind of people who would unironically ship my mop and broom solely on the basis of them leaning against each other next to my garbage can, at least if they had already been dating from the start a lack of forward momentum could be somewhat forgiven. I say somewhat, because Veth and Yeza were married from before the campaign or, for a platonic option, the twins were...twins from before the campaign, and both those relationships were still infinitely more complex and ever-changing and thoughtful over the course of their respective campaigns than whatever Imogen and Laudna were doing; it still, to be clear, would have been dishwater dull. But it would have been forgivably so; I would have simply politely lost interest episode 5 or whenever and moved on without saying much, whereas now there's a series of increasingly lowered bars in their wake.

So anyway, yeah. It sure is There.

[blitz0hno]

EDIT I forgot I queued this but I didn't expect a Spider Saga lmao it's literally just. Yapping lol

My life is going well and I'm happy overall.

No one would believe that knowing everything about me, but it's still true.

Like I have DID and live in a van but the second one is temporary and the first one is what it is. But like right off the bat I'm crazy and a bum in the eyes of society even though THIS SHIT HAS MOSTLY WORKED OUT FOR ME!! Causes me trouble? Yeah. Has saved me a lot more trouble? Arguably yeah. But I'm working really hard still. And Idk I shouldn't have to hide things about myself to be believed about my feelings, and my genuine contentment doesn't discount the trouble I do deal with.

"how can you be happy when DID requires trauma" bestie the trauma is stored in the DID lol locked upppppp

Idk where I was going w this bc everyone's life is like this w SOMETHING like we've said. But for some reason I'm still hung up on how so many people would label and shame me if I were open about my experiences irl. Like the internet is shit but compared to real life (most) people at least understand that they don't know me.

How come the average person who passes me on the street would judge me at the drop of a hat? Is that an assumption I'm making based on how I've been treated in the past? Bc it feels true and there is always a terrible lingering dread when you know you "have" to hide things that are integral to your being.

I'm happy and I genuinely care. That should be enough for people not to ask invasive questions or make assumptions about me. But it isn't, for many, is it? Not if I wanna be truly authentic anyway. Oh well.