#most of the time I just dismiss it cause well I am not attracted to men so what do I know but

[imogenkol]

listen love and light but, as a lesbian, some of the men that everyone allegedly wants to fuck makes me feel like I’m being gaslit

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[amor-ad-nauseam]

Somethin’ Stupid (pt. 2)

Pairing(s): Sam Winchester x reader

Summary :You two are pathetic for each other, so much so that Dean can’t help but take notice. Maybe, just maybe his “playing wingman” will work out alright…

Word count : 3.5k

Tags: Reader and Sam have a crush on each other, fluff, no use of y/n, reader uses she/her pronouns, carheartt!sam, heavy make out, kissing, fade to black, almost smut.

Notes; While this does read as a fade to black i may or may not have gotten a little carried away with myself and wrote part of the smut scene… it’s not included here but if y’all want that lmk!! I am so sorry about how late this is coming out! i’ve been very busy with back to school preparations. Notes and reposts are greatly appreciated

part 1 part 3

“Rise n’ shine, Sammy!” Dean announced, clapping Sam on the shoulder.

Sam flinches awake and like a row of dominos, the guitar that was in his lap is sent tumbling to the floor - creating a harsh cacophony of strings and wood.

The sound causes you to jolt from your slumber. You shoot up in bed in a flurry of confusion. “I’m up! I’m up! Where’s the Rugaru!?” You shout, whipping your head around the room.

“Woah, Good Morning to you too,” Dean chuckles, punctuating the sentence with an obnoxious bite of beef jerky. Sam makes a face. “Want some?” He points the jerky at Sam.

“Hey, Dean.” Sam sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He runs his hands down his face. "I’m good, thanks.”

You visibly relax as the real world comes into focus. “Morning, Boys.” You say as the adrenaline wears off. Sam was still across from you, now flashing an apologetic smile and Dean was well- Dean, but in a cowboy hat. That wasn’t too unusual for him. Dean nodded a hello.

“Eh, more for me,” Dean shrugs with another bite. “Anywho,” He bends down and retrieves the guitar from the floor, now with a newly popped high E string. He hoped the motel wouldn’t charge him extra for that. “When’d you become Springsteen?” He smirks.

Sam was in no mood.

Then, his eyes lit up.

“Hey, Dean, what’s that, uh, mark on your neck?” Sam said, a grin only capable of being mustered by the most annoying of little brothers appearing on his lips.

“What mar- “Dean slid his hand down the length of his neck, stopping about halfway in sudden realization. “Oh- “He clears his throat. Mumbling something about getting banged up pretty badly, he dismisses himself to the med kit in Sam’s bag.

“Oh, and that explains why you’re just now getting back at, uh,” Sam glances to the alarm clock. “7am? from a simple salt-n-burn?”

“Uh, yeah.” Dean scoffs defensively. “Cause you see, Sammy, I was actually doing my job.”

The early morning sun filtered in through the blinds and for the first time you realized that the wood paneling on the divider and both doors were made to look like a saloon door. Damn. They went all out with this whole cowboy theme. On the bright side, the sun gave everything a warm almost fiery glow. Despite the rather cozy atmosphere of the room, Sam and Dean were still going.

Only two things in life are certain: taxes and the Winchester’s arguments.

“The job that requires you to receive hickeys from girls in bars?” Sam laughed. He was now stood by the foot of your bed, stretching the tension from his shoulders. Man, even through a t-shirt his back muscles were attractive- carved like a Greek statue.

“Okay, when you say it like that it makes me sound like a hooker.”

“Maybe you are, Mr. hard worker.”

“Don’t objectify me.” Dean rolls his eyes, feigning offense . Dean was leaned over the dresser, looking in the mirror as he tried to cover a small purple mark on his neck with a square gauze patch.

He definitely wasn’t winning this one.

As if suddenly remembering something, his head perked up and he set his sights on you.

“How’s the leg?” He asked, looking at you in the mirror. He did genuinely care about your wellbeing, but it didn’t hurt that you were also a good out.

“Hm?” You were a little distracted; you’d almost forgotten about your leg entirely.

“Oh right. It’s fine really,” you swing your legs over the edge of the bed.

When you look down you find the bandage that was once around your thigh, half undone, twisted about and just an overall mess.

“Right, fine.” Dean chuckles.

“Woah, you okay?” Sam questions.

Before you know it, Sam’s closing the distance between the two of you and the roll of gauze is sailing through the air from Dean’s palm to Sam’s.

“Damn, I thought you were better at the whole first-aid thing, Sammy.” Dean remarks, happy to flip the situation back on his brother.

“I am,” Sam takes a seat next to you. He’s warm. And close. Too close. “But someone.” Damn he smells good too. Like a brand-new book. “Wouldn’t let me.” He said with a teasing expression.

“Hey, I didn’t do too bad.” Your cheeks flush.

“Riiight.” He gently tugs at an end of the bandage, and it unravels like a loose thread in a pair of jeans. “Not too bad at all.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” You reply, your face contorting to an attempt at annoyance.

“Hey, cheer up.” Sam smiled.

You couldn’t help but smile in return.

He gently slid his hand to the underside of your knee and placed your leg over his lap just as he did the night prior.

While you were busy tossing the wrinkled bandage into a small barrel-shaped trashcan near the sofa-chair, Sam took the opportunity to let his gaze linger. He drank in every detail of your appearance, hoping to seer it to memory.

For some reason, 3 things in particular stuck out to him: You never bothered to put your hair up last night, the way squinted as the sun reflected directly into your eyes, and the fact that you were still in his Carhartt. That last one especially made his heart beat a little harder.

Your lovely chaotic hair and the sun shining on your face inspired countless fantasies. Some as simple as kissing the tiredness from your expression, others, he felt bad for even thinking.

The minute you turn around his eyes are once again glued to your leg and you’re none the wiser.

“How’m I lookin, doc?”

Dean with his shirt tucked beneath his chin was rubbing ointment on what he wasn’t quite sure if it was another hickey on his abdomen or an actual bruise. Upon hearing your question he perks up, ready to make a dumb Looney Toons reference when Sam of all people beats him to the punch.

“Ah, just peachy, Bugs.” He replied in a nasally imitation of Daffy Duck.

“Huh.” Dean mumbles with some small shock. He watches the two of you from the mirror's reflection. He knew Sam had a thing for you, but this, this was something else.

The way the two of you giggled and just almost leaned into each other with every joke- pulling away in shy stupidity each time you got too close. The lingering eye contact, how Sam’s hand looked almost reluctant to leave you, the way one of you would stare when the other wasn’t looking. The whole thing left his stomach feeling like a pot of warm honey.

Damn. You’ve both got it bad.

An idea.

“Hey guys,” He chimed in.

“Hm?” You and Sam said in unison.

“Oh, sorry no you go- “you said.

“No, it’s okay you- “

“Well, you did fix me up it’s only fair- “just then you realized that your leg was still in his lap. You quickly pull away and smile apologetically. Sam does the same.

Dean just about face palms. You two are hopeless.

“Guys.” Dean clears his throat, capturing both of your attentions once more.

“I'm gonna go out and uh, do something.” Dean said with heavy emphasis on “do something.”

“Oh, okay..?” you said with confusion

“Oh, uh, need help with that?” Sam added, eaqually as confused.

“No! no, sorry…heh… I just mean that you both should stay here while I go make a move.”

“You… feelin’ alright, Dean?” You question.

“He’s still hungover I think.” Sam leans in and mutters.

“Y’know,” Dean turns his attention straight to Sam. “Making a move is always the right thing.”

“…So, you do want my help?”

“No, damnit,” Dean sighs in defeat. “M’goin’ on a coffee run.”

“Oh… okay…” Sam replied. “In that case, make two of ‘em decaf.”

“Aw you remembered?” You say with an expression reminiscent of a teen girl with a crush.

“Yeah, I know how it makes you jittery.” Sam replied, sounding embarrassed.

Dean watches as the two of you sit there smiling like idiots.

Yeah.

Extra hopeless.

- -

The latter half of the day is spent with Dean acting strangely and you and Sam struggling to figure out why.

A couple of theories arose.

“Maybe he is hungover.” You quietly conceded after Dean stretched his legs across the diner’s booth seat when Sam tried to sit down- forcing him next to you.

“Nah, he’s mean when hungover.” Sam replied.

- -

“Maybe we did something?” You suggested when Dean pulled the same diner stunt later at the library.

“Like what?” Sam replied as he studied Deans relaxed demeanor.

“Dunno. Maybe it’s 'cause we bailed last night?”

“C’mon we didn’t “bail”, you got stabbed and we all know if one of us didn’t stay with you, you’d come crawling back to finish the fight.”

“Fair enough.” You shrugged. “Well, I’m fresh out of ideas.”

“Me too. Just can’t figure out what would make him not tell us details on a case, it’s not like him.”

- -

You also happened to notice that Sam grew increasingly grumpy as the day dragged on.

Whether that was due to Dean, or his uncomfortable sleeping situation last night was lost on you.

- -

“Maybe he got roofied?” Sam mumbled when it seemed as though Dean couldn’t walk in a straight line- continually bumping into you - shoving you straight into Sam.

“Can’t be, after that whole witch thing he’s really careful with his drinks.”

“Hm…”

- -

“Mid life crisis?” Sam proposes in a hushed voice from the huddled corner of a motel lobby.

Dean had bought two rooms instead of the usual one accompanied by “we’re livin’ offa credit card scams and prayers. Besides, we’ve all pretty much seen eachother’s junk anyway.”

“He’s 30” you replied while watching Dean flirt with the woman behind the counter.

“With this job and his liver, it’s midlife.”

- -

Finally, the night had rolled around.

“Been dazed and confused for so long it can’t be true~”

The radio humming as the Impala raced down the road.

Normally, nights like this would be relaxing. Windows rolled down, the sounds of the cold and buzzing night mixed with the same five albums Dean rotated. Empty back roads and the three of you endearingly out of tune as you sang along.

But this night was simply and plainly, dead.

The air in the car had a tension not even Page and Plant could cut through. You all silently sat in your unassigned-assigned seats: Dean driving, Sam shot gun and you in the back watching the night woosh by.

It all came to a head earlier when Dean notified you and Sam that you two were on stake-out duty. You watched as Sam’s expression visibly changed into one of suppressed nausea. Sure, stakeouts usually sucked ass but did the thought of being alone with you really drive him to the point of sickness?

You breathed a sigh, sinking further into your seat at the memory.

Sam steals a glance at you in the rear view- you looked sad. Guess you weren’t too excited at the thought of a stakeout either.

The car stops about 50 yards in the underbrush in front of a dilapidated old building in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere.

The light previously provided to you by the stars was dimmer now due to the thick miles of pine trees stretching high above- looking as though they could touch the sky themselves.

“Aaand we’re here,” Dean said, switching off the ignition

“Mind telling us where “here” is exactly?” Sam quipped.

“Like I said, it’s a nest.”

“Yeah. That’s the problem. That’s about the only thing you’ve said.”

“Okay, fine- look, We’ve had a lot of duds lately and I didn’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up if it wasn’t the real deal.” Dean shrugs.

Dean was an incredibly good liar. Or as he liked to call it, thinking on his feet.

“Wow you are s- “

“Such a great older brother, I know. I’m gonna go walk the perimeter, shouldn’t take too lo-“

“Great I’ll come with!”

You watch as Sam quickly follows after Dean- not even letting his brother get the words out before he’s on his feet and out of the car like he’ll catch the plague if he’s alone with you.

Yeah. Stakeouts really sucked.

From inside the car all you could hear were Sam and Deans muffled voices, but even still, you could tell they were arguing…

“I’m not an idiot, Dean. I know what you’re doing.”

“Well I’d hope so,” Dean chuckled, holding his newly sharpened machete upward to inspect it. “Dad’d kill us if we ever even thought about going in dull and halfcocked.”

“Y’know you’re not the most subtle guy in the world.”

Sufficiently satisfied, Dean re-sheathes the blade and hooks it onto his waistband. “Dunno wacha talkin’ ‘bout, Sammy.”

“You forced me to sit next to her.”

“Leg got bruised las night, had to keep ‘er elevated.”

“Got two rooms?” Sam quirked a brow.

“So? What if i wanted to bring someone back?”

“Dude, you practically threw her into me.”

“Again, the leg. Can’t walk straight.” He shrugs, grabbing a vial of dead-man’s blood and putting it into his pocket.

“Alright, cut the bullshit. I know what you’re trying to do and it won’t work. She’s not into me and i’m-“

“A dumbass.” Dean says sharply.

“E-excuse me?” Sam says, caught off guard.

“The girl is head-over-fuckin-heels for you. you must be a dumbass not to see it.” Dean points an accusing finger at him.

“I-“

“I see the way you look at her, hell, you busted out the guitar for her! ah- don’t give me that look, it was obvious. “

“Okay, fine, you got me Dean.” Sam throws his arms up in an exasperated manner. “I have feelings for her.” He pauses. This is the first time he’s said it aloud. His eyes go to his shoes. “Doesn’t mean she feels the same way.”

“Christ.” Dean slams the trunk, shoves his hands in his pockets and walks around the side of the car. Sam gives a puzzled expression. Dean jerks his head. “Watch this,” Dean says.

With the back of his hooked middle and index finger, Dean knocks on the back window of the Impala.

“Hm?” You lift your head from the book in your lap.

It’s a quick set of movements, but obvious, unthought action: your eyes first land on the source of the sound, Dean. He waves. You smile.

Then, all in the fraction of a second you look at Sam. Your smile falters. A short, flustered breath escapes your nose.

Your eyes go back to Dean, your lips curving into a poor attempt at a casual smile.

“See?” Dean says once you turn your attention back to your book.

“See what?” Sam replies, his voice growing annoyed and incredulous- having not picked up on anything out of the ordinary.

“You really make me wanna punch you sometimes.”

“Wha-, you know what, Dean, is this case even real? Cause if it’s not let’s just go back to the motel and-“

“Okay, Okay.” Dean pushes his arms in a ‘calm down’ motion. “It’s real, Columbo. Here,” He reaches behind his back, past the sides of his coat and pulls the local newspaper from the waistband of his jeans. “Happy now?”

Sam’s eyes skim the headline: Reports of “Cult like behavior” spotted near the old McCrowe house.

Below is a photograph of the dilapidated home they were parked in front of.

“Yes, but, h-“

“How do you know it’s real? Ya don’t. But i know you couldn’t take the risk; Even if you tried.”

Sam frowns, combing a hand through his hair. Dean smiles. “Go get ‘em, tiger” Dean says, patting his brother on the shoulder.

"You're an asshole."

Dean walks away with an extra bounce in his step. Sam frowns, again.

After taking a long moment, partially to regain his bearings, partially waiting till his brother disappeared around the bend, Sam pulls open the door.

“…Hey.”

“Hey yourself.”

That wasn’t awkward at all.

Leaves crunch beneath your feet, and the book carried at your side rhythmically beats against your hip as you walk.

“So… figure out what’s up with Dean?”

“Oh, uhm,” He tosses the newspaper onto the dash as he slides into the front seat to cover his hesitation. “Nope. Not a clue.”

“Eh, I just hope he sorts himself out. If he keeps walking like that i think i’ll be bruised soon.” You chuckle at your own joke. “Guy’s got hips like Shakira, they do not lie.”

Crickets. Literal crickets fill the beat of silence after that joke.

You knew it was bad but damn.

“Ookay… tough crowd,” You mumble.

“Oh, uh, sorry,” Sam said as if he were snapping out of a trance. “yeah heh, Shakira.”

You simply resign yourself to the book in your lap, every once in a while, taking a glance at the house ahead.

Meanwhile, Sam’s gaze never leaves the house for a moment. He had an expression you couldn’t quite place and an almost glazed over look in his eyes.

“Hey, i’m gonna go catch up with Dean, you’ll be fine right?” He says suddenly.

“No,” You slam your book shut and turn straight to Sam. “Sit your ass back down. we need to talk.”

“I’m sorry?”

The words come barreling from your mouth like a falling knife, sharp and unpredictable. “You have been super weird all day- I swear it’s hereditary- Dean acting strange, that i can deal with, but you? i-i don’t know what to do with that.”

A sinking sort of realization sets in. “I- god i’m so sorry.”

“I mean, did i do something? ‘Cause if i did i’m terribly sorry-“

“No, no, you didn’t do anything i swear.”

“Then what is it? i thought things were good and then- Look, if there’s something wrong just say the word and i’m there.”

“i know that but-“

“I’ll listen if you need it, i’m your friend and i wanna help.”

“That’s the problem.”

A beat of silence.

“That you’re my friend, just, my friend. That’s what’s wrong."

You feel your mouth going dry.

The words come tumbling out of Sam’s mouth much faster than he can think. “I-I knew from the moment i met you that you were this super cool and sweet and pretty but also badass at the same time kinda person and then it sorta spiraled into a crush, -which was innocent enough- so i thought it’d go away but then it didn’t and then-“

Every word, every thought, every action, everything within Sam is cut short and fades off when your lips collide with his. Your hands cup the sides of his face. His eyes widen before slowly dropping shut.

A moment later the kiss breaks and you’re sat there, staring dumbly into those gorgeous hazel eyes. From this new vantage point (the middle of the front seat) the gaps between the pines overhead is greater, allowing for starlight to filter in. The parts of his face not obscured by the shadows of his hair were illuminated in perfect detail. The soft edges of his face look almost sharp given the looming shadows, that detail though, is contrasted by the rosy blush spreading on his cheeks.

“…I wanted to shut you up,” You blink. “But I should’ve asked, i’m sor-“

The last of your attempt to apologize is muffled as Sam’s lips crash into yours.

His hand rests on the far side of your neck, his thumb moving across your cheek. The kiss grows in intensity, his tongue licking at the seam of your lips, your breath short and hot on his face. You drop your hands from his jaw and begin to slide them down his torso, eliciting a low growl-like sound from him. You both grow in fervor, the kiss bordering the fine line between sweet and desperate.

His tongue pushes past your lips and begins exploring you with warm desire. A soft sound escapes your throat at the feeling, his body growing warm, breaths shaky, and his tongue needly licking at the inside of your mouth.

Sam pulls away but only for a moment. He takes a quick survey of your face: lips red, breathing coming out in short pants, hair messy and all of you elucidated by the stars outside. You were no longer a reverie- some fantasy far out of reach. You were right there, lovely and more attention capturing than any star. So he says the thought that’s been on repeat in his mind since the moment he met you. What he’s thought on a thousand breathless afternoons when the sun shines just right on your face: “I love you”

“I love you too.” You reply without missing a single beat. you don’t have to think about it, not even for a second. You love him.

Taglist: @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @lillies444lola @wowzabowza69 comment to be added/ removed

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

wildest dreams - m. murdock

a/n: i have literally not been inspired for two weeks then i was STRUCK with the urge to write this. guys. i am so proud of this one i am not even going to lie. this one is dedicated to @bunmurdock because i am literally always thinking about professor murdock.... i really hope you guys enjoy this one, because i enjoyed writing it :) warnings: SMUT! inappropriate dynamic, P in V smut, so much cursing, lots of inappropriate thoughts and pining, power dynamics, dirty talk, reader does an edible and is high for a small part of this fic, reader isn't stupid in this one! she is just horny! she is also deaf, and there is yapping of readers daddy issues word count: 6.3k likes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! <3 summary: you have a huge crush on your professor and spend many days desperate for him. pairing: professor!matt murdock x hoh!reader now playing: wildest dreams - taylor swift (taylor's version) "i said, "no one has to know what we do"/his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room"

You could treat him better than any of these other horny grad students.

Seriously, that is your only conscious thought watching this man move around the front of this lecture center. You’re not dumb, you know everyone sitting here wants him—Those who are attracted to men want to fuck him and those who aren’t seek his approval. But you are built different, you’re also lacking a major sense, besides, your brain runs ramped with disgusting thoughts about the man.

Today’s focus is on the man’s outfit. It’s his last class of the day, and it shows. His clothes are a bit more wrinkled, and his hair is messier than it had been when he started the day. But most importantly, his jacket is thrown on the back of his chair, meaning you have a phenomenal view of his torso.

He wears a white button down, with the cuffs of the arms rolled up to just below his elbows, the bottom of the shirt tucked into the waistline of his pants. The shirt is tight, maybe a little too tight, especially around the arms. Maybe it’s because he works out. Or at least, you assume he works out.

That brings us to his tie. Oh, his tie. It’s nothing special—a pure black tie, just hanging from his neck. Your mind wanders. It starts at the dissection of a key court case in the subject of minimum wage, but from there, it starts drifting to his tie.

You think about the tie moving back and forth above you as he thrusts into you, brushing against your face, pulling on it to bring him closer. You think about that soft half chuckle he does, before he says something dirty like—

“Did you have something to add?” His voice right in front of you snaps you out of your trance. Fuck. You were not paying attention.

“Uh, No, Professor..” Your face is a deep red, embarrassed. You wish you could take off your hearing aids to stop listening to all the giggling from around you, from peers who are thrilled that Professor Murdock’s little (not-so) secret admirer got called out for her staring.

“Hm,” he taps the table in front of you, “Then I want you paying attention.” He says, before going back to his lecture. You could die right there. Everyone is laughing at you. He embarrassed you.

Okay, so you have no proof that he’s ever wanted you in the way that you’ve been so god damn desperate for him, but it’s still crushing that he’d single you out in that way. That maybe while you were increasingly needy for him, he found you fucking annoying, in such a way that he felt the need to embarrass you in front of your peers.

You want to melt—Melt into a puddle with just your boots and your hearing aids left behind so you never have to face him ever again. That’s why you’re so relieved when he dismisses class right on time (Well, right on time for him. He always ends class five minutes early to leave room for questions) and you quickly gather your things.

Because of the sheer level of embarrassment he has caused you, the other students in the class who want him try to flock to him, sensing that you no longer have the confidence to engage with him—But your desire is still there, as you messily shove your things into your backpack. You turn when you’re finished, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

Your face is still flushed, part because you’re embarrassed, part because you are out of breath from rushing. But you are faced with the view of your professor, all alone. Your breath hitches when his hand moves up to the top of his tie, as he smooths it out, running his fingers down the fabric.

“I read your essay on the expectations of the courts and law versus the realities of it. I loved it. The argument using Gideon versus Wainwright to justify the existence of the right to counsel as a civil right and not a liberty was fascinating, especially considering your other arguments about how race, class and gender play into those realities. Well done. I thought it was some of your best work.”

Your face is flushed for a new reason now. Wasn’t this the same man who was mad at you for not paying attention?

“I thought so too.” You confess, and he just smiles. He loves that you’re confident in your work. You’ll make a great lawyer one day.

“Oh, and,” He digs through his leather satchel to pull out some notes, running his finger over the folder tab to make sure he has the right folder, “Here are the printed copy of our notes from the last few lectures.” It’s part of your accommodations that professors give you a copy.

“Thanks, Professor.” You smile gently, reaching out to take the papers. Your hands meet and as you grip the notes, the tips of your fingers just barely brush against his. Neither of you say anything. Neither of you let go.

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you today.” He starts, “But you’re bright—Smarter than most of your professors, I bet. And I don’t want you to fall behind.” He says softly, and without saying it, you know he’s worried because of your hearing. He was disabled in law school once upon a time, and he recognizes your potential.

“It’s okay.” You say softly, softer than your voice usually is. “I get it, really. It won’t happen again.”

“Good.” He says gently, letting go of the papers now. As you clutch them close to your chest, his hand goes back up to mess with his tie again. Does he know what he’s doing? Does he know how wild it drives you? He must. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“See you on Thursday.” You agree, and that’s when you leave the classroom.

As the door closes behind you, he listens intently. He hears your nervous heartbeat, could practically feel the heat radiating off you. But he knows your routine by now. You’re about to start playing music, and he likes knowing what sort of mood you’re in as you leave his class.

A smile spreads across his face when he hears the opening notes of that new Hozier song, ‘Too Sweet’.

• • •

You are a straight A student. You study days in advance for exams, you write elaborate study guides and most of all, you do not miss class, unless you are dying (no, seriously, the last time you missed class you were rushed to the hospital, sick with pneumonia after a big exam, which you aced). So, when you’re not in Matt’s class on Thursday, he tries not to panic.

You’re a grown woman, he tells himself, and he doesn’t have an attendance policy, having told the class on syllabus day that he trusted them to know when to come to class and when they should go lay in the sun or stay home with a bad cold.

But you once came to class doped up on cold medicine with a mask on, just because you didn’t want to miss any important information. He heard it before you got to class, so he faked a family emergency to cancel class early that day. He could hear your rattled sigh of relief as the other students flooded out.

And he knows for a fact you didn’t show up today because of how fucking loud you are; You don’t mean to be, but he can hear the light buzzing of your hearing aids, and you wear these big work boots that stomp even when you’re trying to step lightly. And he heard neither buzzing nor stomps today.

Oh, your boots. He’s spent years with everything being too loud, but he just can’t help but think about the boots—What color were they? What were their texture? He has this fantasy that lives at the very back of his mind of putting you in heels, heels too big for anyone let alone a girl who only wears clunky work boots, that way he would have to help you, take care of you, and it is a fantasy that will probably live at the back of his mind until he dies.

Sure, he’d probably get married, settle down with someone his age and never worry if she might be dissatisfied with an older man, and she’ll be quiet. No hearing aids, no big boots. They’ll have kids, they’ll be happy together. He’ll still go to you when he can’t sleep, and no one will ever know.

Wait, what was he doing? Oh, right. You weren’t in class today.

His fingers move over the keyboard to look you up in the system. He clicks on the audio assistant to read him your information. It reads out your first and last name, middle initial, then your grade in his class (A+), your accommodations (Notes, time and a half, things like that), your birthday, and—

Wait, he takes a moment, and his fingers go over to his braille calendar, realizing that you’re taking a day off because it’s your birthday. A laugh escapes his lips, because how silly was he being?

His fingers move again to find your email address. He debates for a moment before adding the subject line, “Absence Today.” Then, he erases it and changes it to, “Class Today”, hoping you wouldn’t freak out before reading the email.

And just for a moment, he lets himself dream. He writes the following email to you,

“Hey, sweetheart—

Happy Birthday. I’m so happy you’re taking a break, you deserve it, more than anyone else I know. Are you doing something fun for it? Going out and getting wasted? Hooking up with some college guy who couldn’t fuck you properly?

If I could, my birthday gift to you would be a day spent with my face buried between your pretty thighs, although that might be a birthday gift to me and not to you. I’ve always been a selfish man, and you seem to be something I am entirely selfish about. I want your hands tangled in my hair, tugging on it as I taste you. I want you all to myself. I didn’t hear the buzzing of your hearing aids or the clunking of your boots, and I felt this striking yearning.

I can’t stand being around you without having you. It’s torture.

Happy Birthday,

Matthew.’

He thinks about it for a minute, before completely erasing the email, and sending you this one instead:

‘Missed you in class today! We went over the reading for Chapter Seven. Happy Birthday! Professor M’

He sends it, and then rubs his face, a long sigh leaving his lips. He is completely enamored by you, and it is so unfair.  You’d be in class on Monday, he told himself. He’d see you then, and it would be like getting his fix of you.

Then, he turns to the distraction of trying to grade papers. It won’t work. He’ll still have you on his mind all day, and there will be no relief in sleeping. Hopefully he’ll dream of that long day between your thighs.

• • •

Truth be told, you were not drinking and fucking some random guy when Matt emails you. You were cuddled up in bed, giggling and eating snacks, so many snacks, because, well, you took an edible with a bunch of your friends and now are high out of your mind.

Some animated shows are on in the background, and when your phone buzzes, you pick it up and almost melt when you see the email from your favorite professor. You start giggling like a kid, your fingers clutching your phone as you read the email over and over again.

One friend looks up to you from her place on your floor and asks, “Are you alright?”

You don’t answer at first, but then you nod, and pull your blanket close, imagining Matt’s arms around you. Your brain paints you a picture of him holding you against his chest and gently playing with your hair.

It’s a nice fantasy.

• • •

For being a law student, you really fucking hate it sometimes. Okay, that’s not true. You love being a law student and are so excited to go out into the world and make that difference. But you’d be lying if you don’t sort of contemplate dropping out and getting a sugar daddy over certain assignments.

Maybe Matt is in the market. Then you shake your head to get the thought out of there, before opening your laptop to check your professor’s office hours. The one that assigned this assignment is an old bat who does not have office hours except for during your other classes on Fridays.

Then, you look at Matt’s office hours. He has office hours right now. You click the pen in your hand a few times, thinking. Contemplating. Would he want to see you at this point? Would you be able to control yourself?

You give the question you’re working on one more time before you lean down and grab your boots, starting to lace them up. Then, you pack up your bag, heart beating nervously over what—Asking him for help with an assignment?

You make it all the way across campus, the whole time worried about if you’ll walk in on your professor with some other girl. You almost laugh at that thought, because you think you’re silly for how dramatic you are about the man.

You stand down the hallway from his office for a few minutes, just contemplating. You could just turn around and not at all open the possibility of being around him, and everything stays the same. Nothing changes, and your relationship with your professor maintains it’s strictly professional relationship.

You walk towards the door, knocking on it before holding your breath.

“Come on in,” He calls from behind the door. Now or never. You open the door, and smile in his direction.

“Hey, professor,” You greet, a soft smile on your face. His tie is loose around his neck. You blink away whatever daydream your brain wants to dive headfirst into.

“Hey,” He greets, “I don’t think you have any assignments due, so what’s up?” He asks, tilting his head in your direction. As you think about it, you realize that you do not need help with an assignment.

“This is going to sound like a lie. But I had trouble with this assignment earlier, and suddenly I walked in here and realized I knew exactly what I was doing. I’m sorry for bothering you.” You explain, but you make no attempt to turn around and leave.

“Let me guess,” He starts, gauging by what year and academic proficiency you’re at, “Professor Reid’s estate planning class? That assignment about the will and testament of an old lady with a marriage less than 90 days and estranged kids?”

You groan and take a seat in one of the chairs in his office. He laughs in response, shaking his head.

“That old bat.” You roll your eyes. He just smiles and shakes his head.

“You’ll be fine. Just remember to cheat on your final.” He tells you, and you give him a perplexed look.

“What?”

“Well, for the final, there’ll be a question about a super niche argument on inheritance. Just cheat on it.”

“You’re a professor, telling me to cheat?”

“I cheated on it,” He shrugs. You suddenly remember that he used to go to school here and has taken all the classes you’re struggling with right now.

“You’re being unprofessional.” You tell him, and he smiles again. Your heart skips a beat, and somehow, his smile grows. As if he knows exactly what sort of effect he has on you. As if this is all a game he likes to play with you, his eager and willing participant.

“Okay, forget that I told you to cheat on Reid’s exam. We have to talk about something, it would be awkward to just sit here in silence. Uh, what did you major in in undergrad?”

“English. I minored in Disability studies.”

“So why Law?” He asks curiously, leaning forward and clasping his hands together, before resting them on his desk. Jesus Christ.

“I’m tired of being poor.” The answer slips out before you can really stop yourself. He laughs again, and something in you stirs. As if making him laugh is the newest way you feel good about yourself. How twisted is that? “I’m being serious!” You laugh too, unable to contain it.

“I’m sure,” he promises, “I grew up poor too, I was sick of it too. But if you’re going to be a lawyer—”

“You need to have respect for the law and the people taken advantage by it,” You finish, “I get that, really, I do. And I want to help people. I want to go into divorce law and help all the poor and battered women like—” You’re forgetting yourself. You’re forgetting that this isn’t a date and that this man is your professor.

“Like..?” He prods you to finish, curious. He is on the edge of his seat about you. This is more than he has gotten of you in the past few weeks you’ve been taking his class.

“Like my mom.” You finish suddenly looking for something to do with your hands. Anything, really. “But the check that comes with it isn’t exactly deterring me, you know?”

“I get that,” he says earnestly, “I was an orphan, one of those dirty scrappy ones you feel bad for,” he does that half chuckle that makes you want to go over there and kiss him. “Never knew my mom, and my dad died when I was young. So, I get it. Being poor and wanting to do better for yourself. For your parent who sacrificed for you.”

But it clicks for him, the hidden meaning behind your ambitions. You have daddy issues, and he can tell that’s part of your crush on him. Though, he’ll never say it to you. He’ll let it be something unspoken between the two of you.

“Yeah, I guess you do get it.” You smile softly. But this is dangerous. So so dangerous. The two of you are dancing this dangerous line—Well, more like you’re damn well dancing clear over the line and ignoring it. But you don’t know how to stop it. Maybe you don’t want to stop it.

“Well, uh, maybe you could finish that assignment while we’re here.” He clears his throat, straightening his tie and you try to connect the wires in your brain to focus on the assignment. You pull it out of your bag and place it on his desk, smoothing it out a bit. Matt gets up and starts to wander around the office, and you look at him curiously. “I think better when I can move around.”

You should’ve known that much, you have stared at him doing lectures, wandering from end to end of the rows and rows in the classroom.

“Yeah, totally,” You nod, focusing on the assignment. It’s on paper, the old bat refuses to use online assignments. You’re practically flying through the assignment, and it’s at the point where you are forgetting your company. In fact, you really don’t notice him.. Until you lean back and stretch, jumping when you realize that Matt has taken a spot right behind you, his hands on the arms of your chair, leaning forward. You’re practically leant up against him.

“See? Was that so hard?” Your face flushes, his voice right next to your ear. He has to know; he has to know how you’re affecting him. You tilt your head a bit, and your eyes are level with his chin. His stubble moves as he sets his jaw. He doesn’t smell much like anything… except the faintest hint of clean sheets and this slight scent of mahogany. It would go perfect with a whiff of whiskey.

“No,” you say quietly, and he almost shudders at the feeling of your warm breath against his cheek. “Not at all, Prof—”

“Call me Matt.” It’s almost begging. You’re kind of into it, but that’s not surprising given how incredibly attractive you find him.

“Okay.” You say quietly. He has reduced you to one-word answers. The two of you stay quiet for a while. You’re unsure what to say. Matt is contemplating his options. Anyone could walk in on the two of you like this. The door isn’t locked, and you want to bring this up, but the words die out in your throat. His head tilts a bit towards you, and you get a glimpse at those perfect lips of his.

“You know—” He starts, but before he can get any farther, you lean in and kiss him. You kiss him intensely, your hand on his cheek, and for once, you are not filled with regret at a bad decision. He doesn’t react at first, and for just a second, you’re nervous.

Then, He kisses you back, letting out this deep hum as he deepens the kiss. He tilts his head to get deeper into your mouth, and his hands make their way down to your hips. He focuses for a second, before wrapping his arms around you to pick you up and sitting you on his desk.

His hands trail down as the pair of you kiss, landing on your thighs. His fingers rub back and forth, and you gasp when he squeezes your thighs. He grins and takes the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. Your clunky boots hit against his desk and he practically growls at the sound. He pulls away, his teeth biting your bottom lip as he does.

You’re completely out of breath, and so is he. He stumbles back a bit, his lips swollen and bright pink from kissing you. He wipes his mouth as he pants, and inhales deeply. You run your fingers through your hair, brushing the hair that has fallen onto your face.

“We..” he mumbled gently, running his hand over his chin. “Holy shit, kid—”

“Don’t call me kid—”

“Listen,” he goes over to you and brushes the hair from your face, “That was.. it was phenomenal, but someone could’ve walked in on that, and.. Fuck, if we do that again, I won’t be able to keep my hands off you.” he confesses, his hands on your cheeks.

“When I was staring off into space last week, I was thinking about your tie.” You tell him, your hands are finding the base of it now. He tilts his head, curiously.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Was daydreaming about it brushing against my face as you fuck me.” You could swear his face is red. You grin.

“Yeah?” He laughs, taking the tie from you and bringing the tie up to brush against your cheeks, “Like that?” he teases, and you laugh back. Dick.

“Mhm,” You giggle, and your hands find his, wrangling the tie out of his hands, and tugging on it, before bringing him in for another kiss. He inhales deeply as he kisses you, taking the taste of you in for a moment before pulling away.

“I’m serious, sweetheart, this is dangerous.”

“Sweetheart?” You grin. He takes your chin and grips it between his thumb and pointer finger.

“Hey. Pay attention.” He says, and you want to argue that saying things in that low gravely tone will not help you pay attention, but you can tell he’s serious. That he wants your attention focused on him, this is important. “Listen. I like you. I like you a lot, but we have to be careful if we want any of this to go further. We have to be subtle and watch our steps.” He says softly.

“Okay.” You promise, “Okay, we should be careful.” He smiles gently and leans in to kiss your forehead.

“Good pup.” He hums, and your face flushes.

“I like ‘pup’.” You like sweetheart too, but your stomach flips when he calls you pup.

“Yeah, I know you do.” He grins. “Wanna get out of here?”

“I thought you said we have to be careful.”

“Okay, then I’ll give you my address and you can come over.” He shrugs. “I know how badly I need you, I can only imagine how you feel.” He hums, and you grin.

“Okay, Here, give me your phone.” Matt fishes his phone out of his pocket and hands it to you. You put your number in with your name, sending yourself a quick text before handing the phone back to him. “There. Send it to me.” He steps back so you can hop off the desk, before putting your homework back in your bag.

As you sling your bag over your shoulder, he grabs your wrist in his hand and pulls you close, just to kiss you again.

• • •

Your hands are shaking as you drive over to Matt’s apartment. You’re so full of desire for him, and you take a second after parking the car to adjust your hair and makeup. Luckily you had no plans with your friends so it’s not like you’re hiding anything from anyone.

Are you about to sleep with the professor you’ve had a crush on since the beginning of the semester? Hopefully. You take a quick glance down to the apartment number he sent you before climbing out of the car, locking it behind you.

Then, you manage your way through the building, finding yourself in front of his door for the second time tonight. You hesitate. Though, you’re not sure why. Well, maybe you do. Maybe you’re terrified that this is going to be bad. Or maybe that you’re scared you’ll be bad, and he’ll hate you.

Maybe you just need to get over yourself. Although, you can’t really do much more convincing because Matt swings open the door and grins at you. You almost die at the sight of him. His tie is gone, and his shirt is unbuttoned by three buttons.

“You’re so hot,” You blurt out as you hand him a cheap bottle of wine you picked up on the way here.

“You’re cute,” he hums, grabbing your arm and pulling you into the apartment, leaving you giggling as he closes the door behind you. You look around his apartment, your eyes catching on the giant billboard. You’re standing in front of the window when he comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. His lips gently kiss your neck, up and down, biting your shoulder gently. “Enamored by the billboard, sweetheart?”

“Your windows are so big, probably a lot of light in here during the day.” You say softly, and he smiles against your neck.

“Mhm, one day, I’ll fuck you against those windows—”

“Matt,” You groan, but he just shushes you and kisses your neck again.

“I know, pup,” He hums, “But don’t worry, I’ll show you a very nice time, hear all those pretty noises you can make for me.” You blush, turning to say something to him but he wraps his arms around your waist again, before throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you to his room. You’re laughing all the way there, before throwing you onto the bed.

“Mean.” You accuse, but he shrugs.

“You’ll get over it, sweetheart, I promise.” He hums, and you sit up on his bed. He stands between your legs, leaning down to kiss you gently, his hands finding your cheeks again. He kisses you like this for a few minutes, before slowly kneeling in front of you, never breaking the increasingly sloppy kiss. You pull away from the kiss to study him. He tilts his head, his hands finding your thighs to rub them again as he did in the office. “What?” he asks gently.

“I spent all those lectures only being able to study you from a far.. Just let me really look at you for a while..” You request. He grins gently as your fingers run over his stubble again. Your hands move up to his glasses. “Can I take these off?” You request, tilting your head.

Matt hesitates, just for a second. He’s not really used to it, to someone truly wanting to see him, every part of him. But he trusts you, wants you to see him. So he nods, letting out a soft ‘yeah’ as you pull off those circular red glasses, gently folding them and setting them down somewhere safe.

Then, you take a good, long look at his eyes. They’re this deep brown, almost black, irises that are drop dead gorgeous. The skin around his eyes is scarred, but the scars are old, yet, you rub your thumb gently against that scarred skin. You lean in and press a kiss to the corner of his eyes, first the left one, then the right one.

He leans up and kisses you after that, his hands slowly making their way down your legs. Your hands find his buttons of his shirt starting to undo them. He pulls away from the kiss, before slipping off his button up, throwing it away somewhere in the room. Your eyes drift down to these scars on his collarbones, and your fingers run over them. Then, you notice other scars on his skin, and your hands find those too.

“Your boots are so loud,” he hums, and you’re taken back by it.

“What?”

“Your boots.” He hums, “I hear you stomping around with these things on, they’re.. Like a bell, you know? I like knowing you’re around.” His fingers go down to the laces of your left boot, slowly untying them. Then, he does the same with the right boot.

He pulls off your boots, before running his fingers over your socks.

“They’re multicolored. Bright and patterned.” You confess, and he grins, before pulling them off. Then, he stops, realizing you have another pair of socks on. He blinks, before starting to laugh.

“You have two pairs of socks on?” he chuckles, your face flushing.

“My boots are just a little too big!” You tell him, and he laughs, resting his head against your thigh. He finishes taking your socks off, before working on the buttons of your jeans. When he finally gets those undone, he pulls off your pants, throwing them somewhere close to his now abandoned shirt. His hand comes up to rub you through your panties, and he lets out a scoff as he does.

“So wet for me, pup..” He mumbles, coming up to gently kiss your cheeks and then your jaw, as you whine. “I know, baby, I know,” he says softly, rubbing your clit gently. You whine gently at the feeling, gripping his wrist. He chuckles softly, kissing you to shut you up a bit.

He pulls his hand away from your throbbing cunt to pull off your tee shirt, throwing it wherever. He starts to kiss you as you fiddle with the buttons of his pants and pull them off, letting him step out of the before he casts them away.

You grin into the kiss, before he pulls away.

“What? What’s got you so giddy, pup?” he asks, a grin on his face too.

“Briefs,” You hum, fiddling with the waistband of his briefs, and he laughs, shaking his head.

“Thinking about your professor’s underwear?” He teases, leaning in to bite your neck. “Dirty, dirty girl.” He grins, and you swat at his shoulder, which causes him to laugh. He likes having fun with you, even if it’s not inherently sexual.

His hands come up to run gently over your skin, trailing from your hands up to your shoulders, and then all the way to your ears, where his fingers gently run over your hearing aids. It’s a nice gesture, really, but as soon as his fingers brush over your hearing aids, you immediately retract, the feedback shooting through your skull, uncomfortably.

“Ow—” You cringe, leaning your head back to try and get away from his fingers. He cringes, hearing the feedback, not as badly as you do but knowing it’s there and that you’re in pain pains him.

“I’m sorry,” he coos softly, his fingers moving down to cup your jaw. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I hadn’t realized—”

“Hey, it’s okay,” You hum, tilting your head to kiss his palm gently. “It happens, It’s why you should never touch them while I have them on.” You shrug. He leans down and kisses your stomach a bit, before going back to kiss you again, deepening the kiss a bit before roughly shoving you back on the bed. You giggle as he climbs on top of you, caging you in between his legs, as he slips his tongue into your mouth again. He kisses you with passion and need, and it drives you entirely too wild. As he pulls away, one hand comes up to grip your chin, before he leans down with his head against yours.

“Want me to fuck you, pretty thing?” He asks gently, his voice sweet as honey as he talks so obscenely to you. You whine, finally getting what you want after weeks and months of waiting. He just smiles and shakes his head, “No, no, puppy, you gotta say it to me.” He requests.

“Yes, I want you..” You groan, bucking your hips a bit at the thought of him finally fucking you.

“Want me to do what?” he asks, innocently.

“Want you to fuck me, please..” You request, and this finally seems to satisfy him. His hand comes down to unhook your bra, throwing it behind him with the rest of your clothes, before his lips begin to travel downwards, kissing down your jaw and neck, before he’s kissing the valley of your breasts, his hand going down to rub your clit again.

He groans against your skin at the feeling of your wetness soaking through your underwear and listening to your moans. His hands begin to work to take off your panties, and as soon as those are gone, your hands come up to his briefs, wanting them gone.

“Off, off, off—” You huff, and he laughs as he slips them off. Then, he reaches over and grabs a condom from the bedside table, but you grab his hand, shaking your head, “No, no—I’m on the pill, promise.”

“You sure?” He asks gently, and you nod, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.

“Sure.” You nod, and then you’re kissing him again, your hand going down to stroke his cock, and he gasps into the kiss, before chuckling. He pulls away to mutter out to you--

“Needy girl,” he purrs, before moving to kiss you again. As you’re kissing, he slips his cock into you, and you moan into the kiss, tensing at the feeling, “Relax for me, pup.. So fucking tight for me.” He groans, his hand coming down to swat your thigh. “Relax.” He tells you, his voice sterner this time.

You nod, trying to form a more conscious thought than the pure bliss you feel, your hands wrapping around his neck, scratching down his back a bit. He groans softly, as he starts to slowly thrust into you. He is using every ounce of self-control he has, resisting the urge to absolutely violate you.

But he’s trying to be gentle, be nice.

“Faster,” You gasp out, your fingers pulling on the hair at the nape of his neck. He does that half chuckle, and it makes you whine as he begins to speed up.

“Beautiful little pup..” he says lowly, “Been staring at me.. Wanting your professor so badly these past few weeks, dirty little thing,” he hums, “Fuck, so.. fuck..” Your legs are beginning to shake the longer and harder he thrusts into you. “So fucking good for me..” You whine into his lips as they crash into yours, one hand going down to rub your clit gently, the stimulation too much for someone who hasn’t had sex this good, ever, but especially because you haven’t had sex at all in the past.. well, six or more months.

“Matty, ‘m..” You can barely get the words out as he fucks you harder,

“I know baby, come on, cum for me, pup,” he coos, his thrusts nor rubbing slowing down, maintaining his pace. Within a minute, you’re coming with loud moans into his ears, and he’s following suit shortly after, coming deep inside you.

But for the few minutes after the two of you finish, he continues his thrusting, relishing in the pretty moans and the sound of his deep thrusts into you. Eventually, he slows down, remaining deep inside of you. He pulls you close, kissing you deeply before flipping the pair of you over, and holding your legs close to stay buried deep inside of you.

For a few minutes, there are no words spoken, just deep, frantic pants and sweaty skin against each other.

“You know, that was as good as I’ve been fantasizing about for weeks.” You pant, “Better, even..” He laughs and nods.

“Me too..” he kisses you softly. “Let me take you out somewhere.”

“I thought we had to be careful..”

“We’ll go away somewhere then. Just the two of us for the weekend. I need to be with you, I can’t get enough of you now that I’ve had a taste.. Besides, I haven’t even eaten you out. Now that, that is going to be fun.” He grins, and you swat his arm.

“Evil, mean man!” You gasp, and he just laughs, kissing your forehead.

“I’m sorry, pup, let me make it up to you,” he hums.

“How?”

“Calling you pup a few times, ordering Thai food and teaching you how to suck me off?”

“I know how to suck you off,” You scoff.

“Oh yeah?” He tilts his head, leaning in to kiss him. Then, lips still against yours, he whispers, “Prove it, pretty puppy.”

[writingoddess1125]

I am obsessed with how you write for one piece characters (especially angst-fluff XD) I was wondering if I could request a Sanji x male!reader where they both barely got together yet sanji still fawns over nami and robin which causes reader to start feeling insecure, then later in private reader asks sanji if he’d love him more if he was a girl instead. Angst to fluff/comfort pls:))

Btw idk if you have any rules so sorry if this goes against them! Feel free to ignore/delete this!<3

Please and thank you :)

So love this idea! I'm splitting it into two however! So don't worry this will have a happy ending I promise!

Curiosity pt. 1

Sadness

Sanji x MaleReader

Support me on Ko-Fi! Enjoy!!

P.s the sanji quote I used was actually in the Japanese sub so don't @ me

You sat there as silent as stone eating your meal as the chaos and laughter of the ship sounded around you. Nami angrily yelling, Zoro drinking, Luffy yelling for more food while eating, Usopp spinning another story and your boyfriend fawning over Nami's tits openly- In most cases you would have been embarrassed but at this point... the disappointment was expected.

You'd only been together for a few months, starting out as flirting with each other- Him approaching you since he had felt conflicted in his attractions and you guided him through the maze of identity and attractions. Finding him in your arms and in your heart-

Sanji later admitting you were the first guy he has ever liked and the first person he dated. You thought it was sweet- a romance unfolding that you two would one day tell the world... but that didn't seem like the case anymore.

"Nami~ Can I see your panties! Wait let me get a camera!" Sanji laughed loidly as you could see the love in his eyes as Nami looked red in the face and angry.

"You're vile" Zoro hissed at the laughing Sanji, his nose bleeding as Nami gave him another hard punch to his head knocking him to the floor.

Zoro had been getting more aggressive against Sanji- mainly due to the fact he find his acts disrespectful towards you.

Lowering your gaze at this you took another sip of the mixed rum drink your boyfriend had served. However the sweet cocktail tasting bitter on your tongue now- not bothering to announce you were dismissing yourself from the joyous dinner.

Zoro gave you a sympathetic nod, watching you silently stand as you gave him a tight lipped small smile in return and left.

Stepping out you take a heavy sigh- Trying to keep the tears from falling and Biting your lip to swallow the pain once more.

That ache in your heart had faded letting a numbness settle instead. Taking a seat on the main deck you stare up at the sky, watching the stars above you as the fading sounds of laughter echoed behind you.

Sitting out looking over the open ocean you thought- Thinking about the pain and embarrassment that Sanji had brought you. He had been the one to approach you, asking you out on a night like this. Thinking of how he held you close and whispered that you were his one and only. Yet you felt like those moments were now just empty words- Maybe they had always been that way even after such a short amount of time....

"(Y/N)! What are you doing out here?" You heard a all too familiar voice call out, seeing a cherry checked Sanji smile brightly at you. His smile did freeze slightly at seeing the rather stoic look on your faze, his brow raising.

"Is something wrong?" He questioned, stepping closer in worry.

"No" You say calmly, looking back out on the water. Knowing you would kill the mood of you brought up how you felt- however it seemed you couldn't have your way... He sat next to you nudging his shoulder against yours.

"Come on- I know my boyfriend well enough to see you're sad" He said sincerely. You didn't meet his gaze however, sighing in defeat instead.

"Would you have preferred it if I was a girl?"

Sanji's eyes widened at this, confusion and shock going over his features.

"What kind of question is that?- Of course I"

"You still fawn over Nami and the others.. stare at their chest and droll over their figure.." You say softly, touching the thin fabric that covered your lack of breast.

The blondes face falling as he realized what he had been doing to you-

"(Y/N) dont be ma-" He started but cut him off again.

"I'm not mad at you... I'm not going to scream at you or yell if that's what you're expecting.. I'm just telling you my reasonings" You explain and you could practically feel the dread rolling off him.

"Reasonings?"

You nod softly at this, not having the heart to elaborate further on that. You see the flash of panic.

"I don't want to ruin the night Sanji so I didn't want to have this conversation now"

"We are having it now- I don't want you to go.. I care for you" You heard the careful side stepping of his words, avoiding love or like with 'care' it made your chest ache all over again.

"Like how you care about my feelings?... It's okay to say you were just.. experimenting-" You say and he grabs your shoulders suddently so you were facing him, a flash of anger in his eyes as he stared at you, the sharp rum from his breath burning your nose.

"You aren't a experiment to me okay? It's not like that? I just- It's hard to explain okay?" He tried to reason as he released your shoulders and reached forward grabbing your hand to try to reassure you. But you pulled away calmly.

"Do you still like Nami?.." You finally ask and watch his face twisted up as he tried to answer.. but couldnt-

You close your eyes, almost greatful he didn't answer. Not knowing if his excuse would hurt you more then his actions, standing up from your seat you smooth out the invisible Imperfections in your trousers.

"It's okay Sanji... I can understand if I was a curiosity for you. Thank you for the meal, I'm going to bed. Goodnight" You say calmly and head below to get some sleep- you still heard the laughter from the kitchens as you faded into the belly of the ship to hopefully hide your tears.

Sanji sat there, dazed over what just happened. Pulling out a cigarette from his pockets however he just silently started at the stick of tobacco, a heavy weight settling on his shoulders as guilt tore through his chest. Closing his eyes tightly like he was force away the shame he felt.

"Shit.."

[117luv]

my captain

synopsis: as jake smelled the amortentia, he was hit by a familiar scent of strawberry and vanilla, which awfully resembles the perfume of his best friend, yn.

genre: fluff, friends to lovers, oneshot

warnings: nothing except profanities

pairing: hufflepuff!jake x ravenclaw!reader (fem)

word count: 1.8k

a/n: hi darlings! its been almost three weeks since my last update for my hee smau but honestly i have no creative juice atm to update so i'm releasing this one! i been reading and watching hp again so i wrote this one in a whim and i hope you enjoy this! love ya <3 !!!

Jake walked through his potions class. Professor Slughorn started to discuss how to create Amortentia, a potion that was said to be the most powerful love potion. You could also know the person to whom you are most attracted by taking a whiff.

One thing he did know was that he wished for this class to end. His quidditch team had been practicing for weeks for the upcoming match against Slytherin, and as captain, he exerted himself to the fullest. As his eyes tried to keep themselves awake, he told himself that a short nap sounded so much better than being in this class, and Potions is his favorite class, which tells something.

He finished making the potion, and now it's time to finally take a sniff of it. As he placed his nose near the potion, he got the scent of strawberry and vanilla. He hadn't processed the scent yet, but it smelled familiar, which greatly confused him. Professor Slughorn dismissed the class, and he walked to the library as he processed the scent he got from the potion.

He bumped into someone as he walked towards the library, and it was Yn. She had her hair in a braid, which he found very pretty. She apologized and quickly saw that it was Jake she bumped into. "Oh, it's you. Nice to see you, Jake. I apologize for bumping into you. Although it seems you're in a trance, how's the quidditch practice going?," she said. "Hi, it's going well. Thank you for asking," he said while scratching his neck. "Well, that's good to hear, but also don't forget to rest and take proper meals. You won't be at your full potential once the match comes," she said while waving goodbye to the captain.

This is when it hit him that the familiar scent was from his best friend, Yn. It was her favorite vanilla and strawberry perfume, which she had used since her first year. This newly found discovery led him to realize that he is utterly in love with her and doesn't know how to approach this situation. One thing is for sure, and that's he's fucked.

Jay noticed that Jake had been staring off into space rather than studying. He quickly snapped his fingers in front of Jake, which made the boy come back to his senses. "Something is up; you rarely stare off cause that's more of Sunghoon's thing," which earned the boy a smack in the arm from his other friend who was sitting beside Jay. "Jay is right, you've been like this after Potions class. What happened during that class?," Sunghoon said. "I just realized that I'm in love with Yn," he said to his best friends, who were looking at each other as if this revelation was nothing new. "Okay, tell us something that isn't obvious," Jay said. This left the boy surprised that his friends weren't shocked by his infatuation with the girl. "How come you know it? Am I that obvious?," he asked them. "It doesn't take a genius to know you are in love with her," Sunghoon said, while Jay continued, "The way your eyes lit up while talking to her or how jealous you get when a student tries to make any move toward her. Jake, we can read you like a book," he told the boy in front of him.

There is one fear that Jake had if he were to confess his feelings towards her, and that would be ruining the five years of friendship between them. He can't imagine how he will cope with losing a best friend like her over his feelings. He just can't risk losing her. He expressed this concern to the two boys in front of him: "I don't know if I want to hex you right now or not because I will lose my hair over how oblivious you are to her actions whenever you two are together. It's clear that she likes you back," Jay said while looking visibly defeated by his friend. "Also, it's only two years before we leave Hogwarts, so if I were you, confess now or hurt yourself by seeing her with another man," Sunghoon added as Jake ruffled his hair in frustration. He has decided that today will be the day that he confesses his true feelings.

At the same time, Yn went back to her common room to ease her mind. She had been studying all weekend for her Defense Against the Dark Arts test, which will make up half of her grade this semester. Her mind went back to the talk she had with her friend, Violet. It was about love, most specifically the person they fancied. It was clear to her that she liked Jake — for five years, to be exact.

This goes back to their first years, when they were boarding the train, and she didn't find any empty cabins except for one that already had a black-haired boy sitting in it. "May I sit here? Every cabin is full already," she asked as the boy nodded. The train ride was silent, but she was determined to make friends at her new school. She quickly learned his name was Jake, and he was half-blood. Going off the train, the first years were sorted, in which she was sorted in Ravenclaw while her new friend was sorted in Hufflepuff. Despite being in different houses, their friendship only grew stronger as the years passed. It then hit her that she was in love with the smart, funny, and kind Hufflepuff boy whom she met on the train.

Her owl flew into the room as she dropped a letter with a seal that had "JK" on it. It was from Jake, and he had written her a letter to meet him at Hogsmeade as he wanted to talk to her. She quickly got changed and headed towards the meet-up place with a nervous heart.

Jake was 5 minutes earlier than Yn, and the air felt different the moment he saw her. She was so beautiful that he could get lost in her eyes. "Jake, what is the thing you wanted to talk about?," she said, which broke his trance. "Oh, about that. I want to tell you something." As he spoke while trying to avoid eye contact with her. She felt nervous as she waited for the words that would come out of his mouth; he had never asked her to talk with him alone. If she learns that her best friend is utterly in love with someone, she would rather turn into a water droplet than hear that come out of his mouth. "The thing is, I like you. No, that's not it. I'm utterly in love with you, Yn. I've wanted to tell you about this but I wasn't too sure with my feelings, but Jay and Sunghoon pushed me to tell you my true feelings before it will eat me alive," he spoke while finally looking at her directly.

She was left speechless. The boy with whom she is in love just confessed to her. Many things are running through her mind now that she hasn't spoken to the boy for 3 minutes straight. He started to feel that confessing his feelings wasn't the right choice, and now he will lose his best friend. "I will go now. I don't need to know what your answer is cause it's obvious by your reaction," he said as he stood up. But he was quickly pulled by her, and she kissed him, after which he kissed her back. The kiss was full of love, and Jake was the first to pull away. He looked at her flushed face as she tried to look at him. "You didn't gave me a chance to reply. I was speechless, you idiot. To answer you back, I like you too. No, I'm in love with you and have always been. I love you, Jake," she said while lovingly caressing his cheeks. He connected their foreheads as the biggest grin appeared in his face.

Jake came back to the dorm smiling from ear to ear, which made Sunghoon ask him about what happened between them. "She likes me back. The girl I love, loves me back. She will also cheer for me during our match against Slytherin," he said as he rambles about you, which earned an annoyed face from Sunghoon, but deep down, he is happy that Jake is happy and with the woman he loves. Unbeknownst to Jake, she was also gushing towards Violet about everything that went down in Hogsmeade. This is the happiest day for the both of them.

2 WEEKS LATER. THE DAY OF THE QUIDDITCH MATCH.

Jake was nervous, but it all dissolved when he saw his girlfriend in the Ravenclaw stands. This was his year as captain, so he felt a great responsibility to win the house cup for their team. As the team went to their places, Madam Hooch gave a blast from her whistle. Soon after, the brooms went off in different directions. The Slytherin team scored the first point as their chaser, Heeseung, shot a fast ball. The game was intense, as the teams scores were 90 to 80, with Hufflepuff leading by 10 points. It was Jake's turn to catch the golden snitch, which would grant them the house cup. As the Slytherin's seeker was approaching the snitch, he quickly passed through him and caught the snitch. Loud cheers from the Hufflepuff stands erupted as Madam Hooch announced the Hufflepuff team's victory.

As he looked through the stands, he saw Yn with the widest smile on her face. He quickly made his way towards her and went down to her stand. "Congratulations, My Captain; I'm proud of you," she said as she gave him a kiss in front of everyone. The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw students cheered loudly as you two shared an intimate moment. "I would not have done it without my lucky charm, aka you," he said while hugging her tightly by the waist.

As they returned to the hall, he stopped in his tracks and made her face him as she tried to read his expression. "You wanna know what I smelled when we made the Amortentia?," he finally spoke as he continued, "I smell your vanilla and strawberry perfume, which you've been using since our first year," as she smiled while looking at him. She held his face and smothered it with kisses.

"I love you, My Captain," she said while looking at him. She quietly sneaked him to the Ravenclaw's common room, where she quickly pulled him towards her room. They lay down on her bed, and he snaked his arms around her waist while nuzzling into her neck, which smells like her perfume. The two dozed off into dreamland while holding each other. The captain with his lucky charm.

[peachymilkandcream]

An arranged marriage AU— Levi was forced to do it to make an alliance with the nobles, and he is pissed. When he sees her on their wedding day, he finds her attractive, but he is still peeved by the fact that he was forced into this. He concludes that it will take him some time to get over, in the meantime he wants some space and will keep his distance. A couple of weeks into the marriage and Evelyn feels disappointed by his cold and dismissive attitude. Feeling lonely and isolated, she one day strikes up a (friendly and polite) conversation with one of his cadets, (Reiner maybe) not knowing that Levi was watching. He is enraged when he returns to their room later, deciding to show her what a real man is, if she wants to know that badly.

Am I Not Enough For You?|Levi x Evelyn AU

(A/N: This AU really suits Levi, if he felt that at the beginning Evelyn wasn't his beloved then this is something he would really act like. Hope you enjoy and thank you for the request!)

WARNINGS: implied noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, violence, mind breaking, heavy on the misogyny, etc.

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Thirty fucking years old and still treated like a damn child. Those were the only thoughts going through Levi's head while he dressed for his own wedding.

He never considered himself the marrying type, there was an unfortunate history of those he got close to dying in horrific ways. Due to this he was hesitant to even considering a thing like marriage, besides, he had no time for a woman. Without demanding they were? He would never have a life again except to hear a woman whining about everything.

But this couldn't be avoided now. Considering the position of the Scouts currently, meaning the dethroning of the imposter king and coronation of Queen Historia, he desperately needed to be in the noble's good graces. The Scouts had to be in the noble's good graces.

All of this was Erwin's idea, if the nobles had someone of influence in the Scouts like Levi wed to one of their daughters then the noble's would have to support the Survey Corps' cause. Even the Commander was still searching for options himself.

To Levi, it was distasteful to treat the girls like marketed meat, there for whoever had the hunger to buy it. But a high-standing noble's daughter had just turned eighteen, and Erwin had made the arrangements for Levi so that he never had to meet the girl until the wedding day. It didn't sit well with him, but he would take a wife over the scratch of the noose rope around his neck if the nobles pushed to regain control and execute all the officers.

At least Erwin had done Levi the favor of finding a girl shorter than him, how humiliating would it be to have his wife tower over him like most men and women did. She was pretty, and pretty nervous, the hand he took to seal their vows was shaking like a leaf. Did she want this any more than he did? Or was she also sent to do this by someone in authority over her? While the officiant rambled on about the commitment of marriage Levi couldn't help but sigh, bored. So he took the time to examine his young wife. How did she feel about being married to a man nearly fifteen years her senior? At least her family wasn't like most who married their daughters off by their first cycle, or tried to. Levi couldn't stand to deal with a child.

The ceremony and reception flew by, Levi familiarizing himself with the liquor than with his wife. Even that night, he only consummated the marriage as was his duty. Sure, she was most likely terrified of the unknown, but that wasn't his problem, his problem was to deal with her as best he could.

Now he could get on with life, and ignore her.

================================================

What had she done to displease him? Evelyn had tried everything to gain Levi's favor. After their wedding night she had been left yearning for more, she had no idea that's what intimacy would feel like, and from a man like Levi, the heart-throb of the Walls? She was excited to marry him. Leading up to the wedding she had been so worried about making a good impression, and while he didn't speak to her the day of the wedding, she hoped he enjoyed her on the night. But it seems even in that he was displeased.

This was not what she imagined marriage to be like. She was alone, with no friends, no husband, nothing. Since that night, Levi hadn't touched her, and Evelyn was no where near bold enough to initiate with him, what if he rejected her? She would die with embarrassment. No matter how desperate and needy she got, she would never stoop that low and humiliate herself further.

Weeks of loneliness was finally broken by a message delivered. Her husband desired for her to come and spend the day with him at work, she was to bring his lunch over and remain with him until he came home.

She was overjoyed, her patience had finally paid off and now he was paying attention to her! It was worth it, she could finally have that man she missed on the wedding night. Thinking this, Evelyn made sure to take great care of her appearance before leaving, determined to win him back.

================================================

"Levi?" She ventured into his office, her heart pounding.

"Enter." He didn't even look up.

Evelyn carefully sets the basket of food down on his desk, waiting for some kind of greeting.

Levi continues to ignore her and go about his work until he finally looks up, as if irritated by her presence. "Well? Must I occupy you all the time?"

Heat went to her face. "No- I'm sorry-"

"Go to the mess hall and fetch me some tea, and not the shit they put out for the cadets, go into the kitchen and have them make it the way I like. Can you handle that?"

She looks down, ashamed. "Yes I can."

"Then get out of my sight."

Trying to salvage her pride, Evelyn does as he wishes, trying to follow signs and spoken directions to the mess hall, the whole place full during the lunch hour with cadets. Most of the officers preferred the quiet of their offices so it was almost solely low-ranking soldiers.

Evelyn tried to hurry, giving the kitchen Levi's orders before waiting with growing embarrassment. How foolish she must look right now. The wife of an officer sent to do the work of a common soldier. She could curl up in a ball.

As she turned back with the cup in hand a large body knocked it right out of her hands. Evelyn stared up at the guilty man.

"That was for Captain Levi-"

Slight fear comes across his face. "Shit- I'll get him another. I'm so sorry, please don't tell him what I did-"

She bent to help him clean up the shattered cup, their fingers touching accidentally. It was like a shock ran through them both.

The boy, probably barely any younger than her smiles awkwardly. "I haven't seen you around here before."

"I'm Evelyn Ackerman, Captain Levi's wife."

"I'm Reiner Braun, nice to meet you Mrs. Ackerman."

"Oh please, just Evelyn."

His smile widens. "Alright, just Evelyn."

================================================

What the fuck was taking her so long!? Never trust the competence of women, they always managed to fuck it up.

Levi rose from his chair angrily, determined to get his tea himself. All that woman did was disappoint him. He blamed her for his quick marriage, had there been no eligible girls then he could have postponed Erwin until the entire crisis died down and he would still be a free man. It was all that little bitch's fault.

As he rounded the corner he was shocked by a laugh. Peeking around the corner he saw his wife engaging with Braun, and actually laughing. It was a sound he hadn't heard from her yet, but it was rather pleasant. But he should be making her do that, not some random punk.

Jealousy turned his blood to ice, a calm hatred coming over him. Dead cadets would rattle whatever good terms the nobles were on with the Scouts and his marriage would be for nothing. This wouldn't stand, he wouldn't be cuckolded by some impudent brat. He had been neglectful but that was his business. If it meant his wife was prepared to bend over for any man who showed her attention then he would have to remedy that immediately.

She would pay for this.

================================================

That night they lay on their separate sides of the bed, Evelyn turning to sleep while Levi remained awake to read.

Finally he could take it no longer.

"I saw you having a interesting conversation with Cadet Braun."

"Oh, yes. He bumped into me and then we started talking. He's sweet."

The nonchalant tone makes him want to rip out her vocal cords. How dare she think it was no big deal.

"He's not your husband."

"Yes I know but-"

"He's not even a man."

"It was entirely polite and respectful Levi I promise."

"So you say. You think I can trust a word of what a woman says?"

In a moment he's on her, her eyes wide with fear.

"Levi you're scaring me-"

"Do you know what I real man is? Do you!? Clearly not, so I'll have to show you, since you want to know so badly."

"Levi please-"

"Shut up. Crying won't earn you my mercy."

[brilliant-red-eternity]

Wouldn’t it be better to ship Akane with a guy who isn’t absolutely morally bankrupt or something?Not that she needs to be in a relationship to be happy or something.But isn’t Kougami just a serial killer with just extra steps😭I never got his appeal or how he became the definitive charecter for psycho pass when plenty of better charecters out there.The way people romanticise him(or his trigger happy tendencies lol) just because he’s hot doesn’t sit right with me.Absolutely no charecter growth whatsoever,literally causing problems for everyone by his selfish decisions.At this point I think Kougami getting killed to save someone would be considered his charecter growth.I don’t even see the case for Akane even being attracted to him in the first place.I am sorry.She’s extremely kind to everyone.That’s why she treats him like a human.

To be honest, I had a hard time coming up with an answer. You make it quite clear that you don’t think much of Kogami and how should I argue against it? It’s a matter of personal preference whether or not you have sympathy for a fictional character and want to understand his or her motivations. It’s true that Kogami is not the glorious hero of the story, but wasn’t that precisely the author’s intention? To contrast him with Akane and have him take a more pragmatic stance, leaving moral reasons aside?

I won’t see Providence until the end of August so I can’t really grasp where the negativity is coming from. My advice would be to not dismiss his character out of hand but try to dig a little deeper. Kogami is not some one-dimensional caricature. In the Psycho FES stage play, Akane says that Kogami is a person who “lives between violence and philosophy”. There is a whole spectrum of characteristics that he has, including very contradictory ones. Kogami is idealistic, but also arrogant. He’s courageous in battle, but cowardly when it comes to interpersonal relationships. He has a sense of morality, but doesn’t strictly adhere to it. He is intelligent, but makes stupid and harmful decisions. He’s selfish, but also selfless enough to sacrifice his life for a higher purpose. He fights his opponents with brute force like a beast, but his desire to protect the weak shows that he’s also a kind and compassionate human being.

Kogami is a walking contradiction. Most people are and that is probably what makes him so popular among fans. People can identify very well with a character who has flaws, screws up or fails as long as he tries to move forward somehow. The road to self-knowledge is rarely a straight line, so I can understand that his character growth (or lack thereof) may be frustrating for some. Providence seems to be another important transit station for Kogami and he appears to have learned his lesson. We don’t get to see his rampant violent behaviour in PP3. He also managed to survive three more years until he came to pick up Akane which wouldn’t have been possible if he had continued his self-destructive lifestyle with the SAD.

The term serial killer doesn’t fit him. Kogami isn’t a psychopath who wants to gain control over another human being, nor is he thirsty for fame. People seem to forget that he doesn’t kill law-abiding citizens but criminals and scum and it wouldn’t be a problem in any other action movie/comic book where the climax is always a final battle between protagonist and antagonist. I don’t want to justify violence and murder because it’s morally wrong, but other characters seem to understand Kogami well enough: Masaoka and Saiga assisted him with Makishima, knowing full well what the outcome would be. Ginoza helped him fight Rutaganda and said “I owe you” (because he killed Makishima and revenged his father’s death) before handing Kogami back Masaoka’s revolver and letting him escape. Garcia’s “mug shot” was already on Frederika’s laptop before anyone even knew this man was pulling the strings behind the attacks in Tibet. She probably supported Kogami so generously with expensive high-tech during his suicide mission because Garcia was on MoFA’s hit list all along. However, it is always Kogami who gets his hands dirty. If anything, it makes him an incorrigible idiot.

Kogami seems unable to look away when injustice happens. In this respect, he is no different from Akane who challenges Sibyl every time she sees a problem. They’re both stubborn, but Kogami’s desire for vigilante justice makes him a complicated character. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind is exactly why Akane rejects violence and defends the rule of law. However, the law didn’t protect people from Makishima under Sibyl and it doesn’t exist outside Japan. The law of the jungle creates only fear and instability, and innocent people get hurt. Kogami has accepted to be a tool in the lawless world and he may even consider it his fate. Is that selfish? It rather looks like he doesn’t attach much importance to his own happiness and treats his life as disposable. His selfishness brings him no advantages, quite the contrary. Kogami sacrifices his own salvation and it sends his life into a downward spiral as he becomes more and more detached from the people he loves.

I think Kogami is a baka but he isn’t morally bankrupt. While he claims to have no regrets, his actions and thoughts paint a very different picture. He tried to live without violence and killing in Tibet and he didn’t want Tenzing to end up like him. He openly admits to Akane that his way of doing things is wrong and he was haunted by Makishima’s ghost right after the murder which proves that he has a conscience. I think the only slip he ever had was when he told Akane to kill Makishima in Nona Tower. The scene emphasizes his selfish nature and just like Hamlet, he seemed willing to not only accept his own downfall in the pursuit of revenge, but that of others too. He also didn’t think about Saiga’s future when he showed up at his house after escaping the PSB.

Kogami has refrained from dragging others into his business since then and has kept to himself like a lone wolf. But no man is an island and his egoism remains a problem. I guess he won’t realize that his actions have an impact on others until he receives Akane’s letter as a wake-up call in Providence. It remains to be seen whether he’s willing to change his habits in the future or not, but I’m hopeful.

Regret and remorse are usually two different things. Kogami says that he has no regrets about the past when he talks to Akane on the phone and I think he’s sincere. He doesn’t wish to undo his decisions. In his view, the “dirty work” needed to be done and Kogami believes that he alone bears the consequences and the sorrow, no one else. That changes when he finally sees how much his actions affect and hurt others. Akane’s letter makes him helpless and angry. I think it’s clear that Kogami starts to feel remorse and to develop a sense of responsibility. Remember how Garcia said that Kogami would be living the life of a guy who never took responsibility for anyone else? At some point between PPP and FI, Kogami undoubtedly realized that he needs to apologize to Akane and that he needs to mend his ways. I would consider this character growth.

I understand that some people take a dislike to Shinkane and wish to find Akane a “better” man. I adore this ship but I’m not indulging in fantasies about Kogami and neither does Akane. She has learned to see him for who he is, especially since Shambala. Is it a surprise that she likes him anyway? That she still has faith in him? Kogami is not evil. He’s a man with good intentions who lost his way and nobody but himself can save him. Letting him die while protecting someone would be the easiest way out of his character dilemma so I hope they won’t do it. It would look like a death sentence with a quick karma reset. I don’t even want to imagine how Akane would feel about his death, especially if he died protecting her. There are other ways to atone for one’s sins: to help others, take responsibility and do good in the long run.

Kogami is indeed a brooding hot type of guy, but that’s not why he’s in the story. His purpose is to interact with the protagonist. Kogami started as Akane’s mentor and he inspired her to grow by challenging her. She soon surpassed him and confronted him with her own views about humanity, the law and the idea of how society should look like. They began to form two opposites of the same coin and it became the premise of season one and beyond. No one cares that Frederika kills vagabonds or that Gino shoots Peacebreakers. It doesn’t matter because it’s all about the contrast between these two. Akane’s approach is non-violent, that’s why Kogami’s violent approach looks particularly extreme. They’re like complementary colours where one colour emphasizes the properties of the other. She’s a disciplined person, he’s a wild animal. She looks like a saint, he is the epitome of a sinner. She operates within the system, he is on the outside. They’re incompatible. They’re also intertwined like yin and yang. Is it so outlandish that fans want to see the two of them together? Maybe. But it also feels natural, like holding two magnets with opposite poles together. I can’t help but feel the pull.

Akane doesn’t need a romance to be happy, I agree. She has friends and she completely dedicates her life to creating a better society for everyone. However, her options to influence the system seem exhausted at the end of Providence. Sibyl wants to get rid of her by promoting her to a less influential position in the Ministry. Sibyl also wants to abolish the law. Akane probably felt she had nothing left to lose and therefore killed chief Kasei as the final act of her career. I don’t see her having a happy marriage or kids and all that stuff but Akane shouldn’t remain alone like a martyr. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to experience love, especially in world dominated by algorithms and AI.

We all want Akane to be happy and I can understand your annoyance with Kogami. They’re not a perfect match, especially since they repeatedly find themselves in situations that are extremely stressful and existential. But every relationship is a learning process and a daily struggle. It’s a gain in knowledge about myself and the other, and it’s doomed if there is no forgiveness. Akane and Kogami have known each other for eight years but they have only spent a few months in each other’s company. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see what they could achieve together, now that Kogami is back in Japan and Akane is released from confinement? Akane doesn’t place much value on material things, and I doubt she cares about etiquette or social conventions like marriage anymore. She’s an outlaw just like Kogami. Their existence has become an act of rebellion against the system and since they both have been spiritually connected from day one, it would be great to explore their bond further and not just stop.

You said that Akane treats Kogami like a human being only because she’s kind. Is that so? When they first met, Kogami represented the exact opposite of the artificial world of Sibyl in which Akane grew up. I guess she was attracted to Kogami (and developed a crush on him) because he was a human being, someone from the mundane world, a world she thought had perished long ago: paper books, no holograms in his home or closet, file folders and photographs, physical strength and critical thinking. All of the enforcers had a different lifestyle, but it was Kogami who fascinated her the most. He had something archaic about him, something mystical and exotic. He was also quite masculine and Akane liked his physical appearance very much, although this was a bit more obvious in the novels where she described his face as handsome. Was Kogami her first love? Did she like the idea of saving him? I don’t know. Fact is that Akane wanted him to remain human, that’s why she didn’t like the term “hunting dog”. She didn’t want him to become a murderer because she genuinely cared about him. And even after that, she wished that someday they would meet again like two human beings.

Kogami’s obsession with Makishima made it impossible for him to understand Akane. Only on his journey did he gradually come to his senses at the sight of all the shitholes created by lawlessness and anarchy worldwide. After that, he tried to hold on to Akane’s words. He tried to live without violence and killing in Tibet. He saved a bus with refugees. He ensured that Tenzing did not throw her life away. He managed to shake off Makishima’s ghost and found the courage to return home. He allowed Akane to arrest him for the killing of Tonami and apologized after picking her up from the isolation facility. Is it just me or didn’t it look like Kogami was bowing to Akane, because his head and gaze were tilted slightly downward?

Kogami has serious flaws and a preference for violence, but he isn’t bad through and through. I bet we will see his character grow from here. Look at Akane’s happy face at the end of First Inspector ! If that doesn’t give you hope, I don’t know what will.

[blank-citron]

I am back, yet again, with more thoughts. I'm nearing the end of house of hades (3 hours left!!) So here's my opinions about all the relationships!

OKAY SO:

Annabeth and Percy is fine, they're great, I don't mind them at all. Nothing weird, they got five books before they got together and they were genuinely friends first!! Good job have a metal: 🏅

Piper and Jason is??? Eugh. FIRST UP pipers original attraction to Jason is because of FAKE memories put inside of her head. And Jason?? Complete amnesia, doesn't remember shit, and they still kinda?? Stay together? Even though they're technically complete strangers forced into a relationship by a god. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED on the amount of time they spend focused on each other when Pipers dad is kidnapped and going insane and she thinks shes gonna be forced to betray them all. Like yeah, alright, but your boyfriend you know nothing about? Yeah spend an entire page talking about how attractive he is. OH AND THE CHARM SPEAK, DON'T FORGET THE CHARM SPEAK

Hazel and Frank is on thin fucking ice. The jealousy on Franks side is kinda uncomfortable but like, I get it. Fair enough. They've known each other for a while, they were friends before they were dating, and I can't say much about it?? Because it's before the book but at least it's not super uncomfortable or anything. Now my problem is kinda with their ages, Hazel is like 12 (13?) And Frank is uhh (checks wiki) **17???** I thought he was like 16 at most but alright, sure sure sure. You'd think? A 17 year old would know better than to date a 12 year old, like my guy, that's a whole ass child.

Leo and Calypso,,, Mmm.. most of my problems with Calypso comes with the fact that lore wise, it doesn't really make sense for her to still be on the island, her instant dismissal of Leo cause he's not super ripped and tall is also kinda uncomfortable but oh well. NOW LEO??? CONSIDERING that his main personal conflict comes from being the 7th wheel and the fact that his best friends kinda?Y'know, toss him aside after they get together??? The odd one out?? I feel, so uncomfortable with the fact that they decide to solve that problem by just giving him a girlfriend? Instead of y'know, making him more comfortable with himself and his friendships. Like sticking a bandaid of someone just liking him back for the first time ever fixes his major abandonment issues. Especially with?? The apparent "instant attraction"? Like c'mon.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hello dear. Hope you are well. I am not sure how best to articulate my thoughts but here we go. It's very very long but you inspired me today. You've been a beacon of change in questioning and challenging ITV. I wanted to quip in. Hope you don't mind. Arnav anger is often excused as coming from trauma and his 'grey/anti-hero' character is often glamorized. He is without a doubt compelling and attractive. Plus, he has his strengths such as honesty and forthrightness.

Ok, so this is a LONG question with a lot of your own analysis and I wouldn't touch that at all cause analyzing is a beautiful thing and I wouldn't want to add/remove from your lovely analysis. I'll just be adding some of my thoughts here and there :D

(rest of the ask below)

His greyness amplifies a lot of the hypermasculine stereotypical traits such as aggression, strength, power etc. In the narrative like in Kabir Singh this makes us discount the wrongs when perhaps his treatment of Khushi in many ways in similar. Rather we swoon over his charm when in reality most 'charming' men have similar shades and unfortunately, never change. The sense of entitlement and the joy of wielding power over others is observed in abusive men.

Tbh though, Arnav doesn't have any charm. Shyam has all the charm in the world and that's interesting considering he's a villain.

Often we excuse this behavior by comparing them to worse portrayals when again abuse usually escalates with time. For example, at least Arnav didn't violate Khushi's consent. How different were Shyam and Arnav? Weren't they both ultimately two sides of the same coin? Isn't this afterall a way to build tolerance towards worse behavior? Shyam is the 'bad' guy because he plans things deliberately, but aren't Arnav's actions also not something he is accountable for?

Fun fact, Arnav and Shyam were written to mirror each other in multiple situations. It was very intentional of the creators to draw a thin line between the anti-hero and villain and to be honest, at one point we all simply believed Arnav is the hero of the story only because he is Khushi's choice.

I wish Arnav's actions were far more accountable for - hence the guesthouse and resignation scenes are some of my favorites.

We don't talk much about Arnav and Anjali here. They are incredibly close, but the co-dependency is discernible. He is obligated to her for being the 'mother' but she is his first and Khushi the second. It does perhaps from trauma but Anjali has a lot of control over Arnav and he is guilt-ridden if she is hurt. We blame Khushi for her mistakes but do we ever consider that it is her desparation to receive unconditional love which is missing.

Arnav and Anjali have developed codependency over their trauma -which is what Shyam exploits.

Coming to Khushi, she is often criticized for her world revolving around Arnav, being infantilized, that she should 'stand up' etc. However, it's not a new fact that abusive relationships can be incredibly difficult to leave and can have a huge physical and emptional impact on a person's self-esteem. Is this not victim blaming? We also dismiss the impact Arnav's family has on Khushi. Anjali,Akash,Dadi -all had a role to play as their support was conditional or inadequate.

Hmm interesting. To share my opinion and take on this - my gripe with Khushi rarely comes from considering her and Arnav as real people and assessing their relationship as such. My gripe is with the writing in the show coming to Khushi. Khushi recessing to childlike behavior is a signal of trauma that @honeybellexox had once brilliantly discussed.

But the show is not portraying the delicate pained layers of emotions you described. The rest of the family is left out to hype TRP forced romance or family politics (not plot) and Khushi's weight of being in an abusive relationship is seriously traded for terrible writing which things suicide is funny, pissing off an abusive husband is hilarious.

We do not SEE Khushi's behavior as a response to a terrible marriage. We are made to see this is how Khushi is 'one upping' against Arnav by irritating him the way she poured juice in his shoes. And wow how intelligent.

There's no depth, no gravity, nothing in Khushi. She becomes hollow - not because of the pain you aptly put above - but due to a very Star Plus enforced 'bahu' trope.

Victim blaming would be wondering why Khushi didn't shove Shyam off the terrace scene and froze when Shyam hugged her - no, any reaction she had at that point is absolutely justified!

But wondering why Khushi acts around Arnav post revelation that she is having an affair of Shyam instead of providing facts or actual reasonings is a flaw in the show. Why? Because the intention of the show at that point was to ensure that Arnav's misunderstanding does not break and he is 'justified' in the audience's eye to mistreat Khushi. Now that is a problem.

The complication of Payal being married into the same family, lack of societal, financial and family support almost meant that Khushi had no choice but to humor situations and find happiness in meaningless trivalities. He child-like behavior and adherence to patriarchal traditions/rituals was her only resort to be accepted. That is so ingrained in her mind, that any attempt to tilt the balance might cause her more problems. Perhaps Khushi's character arc was realistic.

I absolutely wish the show showed the nuance you are writing. Her dancing to Nani for Holi was beautiful - it conveys everything you're saying. Her force-feeding Arnav mid meeting, forbidding anyone to give him food, then eating up food that can feed upto five people and still tasting the food before she gives him to eat is... ridiculous and demeaning as a character.

I do disagree with you on Khushi's arc because her arc, after a moment, is stunted to serve Arnav as a character. An excellent character that displays everything you wrote is Gauri from Ishqbaaz. They lend her the grace and gravity that one can only dream of in Khushi.

(I'll show it to you!!! You'll absolutely love it - it's a solid recommend from @aye-masakalii)

It wasn't the lack of strength or that she had certain traits. Her reality and worth had been controlled, toyed with and manipulated that she no longer could see things clearly which made her sink deeper into the marriage. Should the IPK writers be criticized for mirroring the reality many women still live in or is it an eye-opener which makes us very uncomfortable in acknowleding the sad reality that many women meet the same fate?

Our innate optimism makes us favor the idealized world that Arnav and Khushi were a fairytale. Perhaps they do end up being together but is that the only yardstick to measure marriage? More questions than answers, but isn't is critical to shift the repsonisbility towards Arnav rather than victim-blame Khushi? Love, RDX

I loved your analysis, and if the writing hadn't been so flat and actually conveyed everything you wrote - I would've never wanted Arnav and Khushi together.

Lol, maybe that's why my edits and fanfics exist.

Arnav needed to be held more accountable and Khushi needed to be written further as an independent character - these are perhaps some of my main grievances against the show only because they proved they could do it.

Best,

Soapy

[sevicia]

I 🩷 whining & bitching & moaning

yk how yesterday I was the one who ended up giving Mila the pill? well my sister's awake now and decided she was gonna do it (didn't even ask me) while I handed her treats and it took a bunch of tries too. & I don't think I would've gotten it 1st try either, but I know exactly how it goes when I wanna do something she doesn't think I'm capable of: she just doesn't let me do it. it's happened time & time again so I didn't even ask this time cause literally what's the point .....

everyone in my house constantly infantilizes me and genuinely seems to believe I can't do anything by myself. I'm going to a thing from uni about 1st year students (such as me) familiarizing themselves w/ the school campus & other introductory activities on Tuesday & my mom really anxiously told me we (her & I) should try to go to uni before that just so I'd know how to get there, when the route I have to take is literally just home -> bus stop -> metro -> get off -> walk 5 min in a straight line. I told her no, that I would be fine just getting there by myself on Tuesday and she reluctantly agreed.

+ a few days ago I overhead my dad talking about gifting me some money for some reason I'm not sure about, and my sister very seriously told him to just give it to our mom instead so she'd manage it for me, and he agreed. Her argument was that I'd just spend it too quickly which I understand cause I did that all the time when I was in highschool. Which was 3 years ago.

IDK like even when I try to do something I'm usually not capable of doing (mainly cooking), I'll ask a bunch of questions to make sure I'm doing it right to the point they get annoyed w/ me & just do it themselves like "you're too nervous just be more confident and do it already" meanwhile whenever I did things "confidently" in the past I always managed to fuck them up somehow and then get treated like I'm stupid and no one has made the connection that maybe when you constantly tell someone they're stupid while they're trying something new, they'll just stop trying .... ? because they don't want to be called stupid .... ?

It's also made me actually really adverse to try anything by myself cause I find I start thinking "someone else's gonna do it and even if I tried I'd just make it worse", but I don't feel that way when I'm home alone / away from home, it's literally just when I know I'm being judged by people who know me and are around me all the time

& when I manage to get something right I sometimes get praised but most of the time it's just "well you should've been able to do that a long time ago!" and like I know that it's true and that I'm not a dog that should get a treat for every new trick he learns but I just don't want it to be dismissed like that yk .... like just tell me "good job" or smth

I also think getting treated like a child all the time really makes my perception of myself as inherently unattractive / underisable a lot worse because I've just started to believe that everyone sees me as a kid so no one in their right mind would ever be attracted to me ykwim ? the fact that I'm relatively short doesn't help either

the way I get treated like a stupid child while also having adult expectations put on me is always so confusing, like I'm being pulled in 10 different directions and I enjoy none of them

+ I feel like even MORE of a brat for even complaining about this in the first place cause I've heard people say "man I WISH I had someone who did everything for me" and it just makes me feel horrible bc maybe I should be grateful that they care & worry about me so much and I'm just whining over nothing again

"how are you gonna survive when I'm gone ?!?!" from my mom and "you'll literally just die the second you move out" from my sister and "don't even try, it's too dangerous" from my dad and I just keep quiet because I can't even prove them wrong because they're not wrong. I CAN'T do anything by myself and I AM slow at everything (which is just me trying to avoid calling myself stupid) and I AM lazy and have no common sense.

maybe this is the reason most of my daydreams consist of me being like 30 and living on my own lol

[obsoleteozymandias]

Hi there! I’d like to ask for a twst match up!

Basics:

Gender-Female, she/her/they

164 cm tall, Virgo but doesn’t act like one, INFP

+I pride myself on being a very dedicated person. If there’s a task delegated to me, I will work my hardest to see it through, even if the end results aren’t perfect. I’m not a leader but still take my responsibilities seriously because I fear disappointment and feel like I always have to prove my worth.

+I’m slow to trust, but generally a good judge of character. I’m the person you turn to if you need to vent or complain about something. Even though I don’t have many friends, the few that I do have I am very attached to. I’m mostly a loner though, perfectly happy this way, and am introverted but not to the point of a hermit.

+Adaptable: I don’t complain much about change, and usually work well with people of different personalities and backgrounds. I go with the flow most of the time.

-I’m a very irrational person. I try, but conventional logic just isn’t my strong point. This sometimes causes other people to see me as odd or stupid/lazy because my way of thinking isn’t the norm.

-I can be absentminded and a klutz. I’m always making mistakes and trying to fix my mistakes. I’ll probably annoy some people by being really forgetful and scatterbrained. I’m always reciting things or writing lists to help me remember.

Despite my own flaws, I’d still say I’m overall a well-rounded person, a jack of all trades. I enjoy learning many different things and having a wide skillset. I adapt easily and can probably fit into most dorms.

Hobbies-

Cosplay is the biggest one. I normally don’t put too much effort into my regular appearance, but I spend alot of time putting together costumes, wigs, props, and makeup, and looking my best for photoshoots and cons. I’d love to learn how to sew or make my own costumes one day.

Image editing—mostly related to cosplay above, but I enjoy editing and manipulating pictures and experimenting with all sorts of visual effects and filters just for fun. I like taking selfies and photos on my phone too, just to edit it afterwards.

Also I enjoy medieval history, ancient mythology (particularly Greek and Roman), symphonic metal and alt-rock music, tabletop games, video games (mostly JRPGS, visual novels, and otome games), musical theater, and collecting objects (antique pens and leatherbound journals).

This one, as a stan of a certain character, was very easy. 

== Twisted Wonderland ==>

I match you up with…

Sebek Zigvolt 

Sebek is difficult to say the least. He’s rude, abrasive, and often dismissive of the abilities of others. But he finds solace in you, someone who will listen to him and give him the time of day. 

It shocks him, honestly. He’s used to being dismissed, and though it wouldn’t usually bother him, for some reason the idea of you dismissing him makes his chest hurt. 

He’s most attracted to your dedication and hardworking nature. Sebek isn’t one to give up easily (or ever), and so he’s glad the two of you match eachother in your passion for simply getting shit done. 

He’ll be honest with you about your work quality, but it comes from a place of genuine love and desire to see your best work flourish. 

Whatever you make/do, he’ll brag about it to others, even mentioning it to Lilia and Silver with the same proud smugness that usually accompanies his Malleus rants. 

Sebek may not understand you way of doing things at first, but I fully believe that he could use a change of mindset, and so as he comes to understand and respect you, he’ll begin to see the advantages and reasons why you think the way you do. 

He’ll also watch you go about your hobbies, obviously interested, although trying to hide it. 

Later in the relationship, he no longer hides his fascination with your hobbies and actively learns as much about them as he can. 

Some nights are spent with you gaming and him reading, sharing facts and stories late into the night, just enjoying the presence of one another. 

[ithinkabouttzu]

hey hon !! I saw you were doing ships so I figured to submit one ( TP and/or BoB :) )

To get appearance out of the way — I’m 5’7, with short curly dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I wear glasses, so I love being completely unable to see without them (/s)

I enjoy most if not all forms of creative expression, but writing is the main focus. I’m currently working towards getting my masters in English, so there’s that. That being said, I am also self-taught in art and music, and used to play soccer as well. I really enjoy painting and playing piano primarily :)

Personality wise my MBTI changes all the time so literally all I can put is “XNXP” truthfully — but beyond that I tend to be a pretty blunt and straightforward person. I’m pretty sarcastic and teasing especially with my friends. I’m very openminded and will try anything at least once. I know that the people in my life tend to see me as someone they can go to for advice / solutions because I don’t like to sugarcoat and they expect that sort of honesty from me.

My love languages are acts of service and physical touch especially. I don’t come across as huggy in real life but I am, in fact, very huggy and like to be useful so there’s that. I always felt that Actions speak louder than words when it comes to expressing appreciation, at least from my standing.

Yes thank you so much for your request! Btw I LOVEEE your fic Sad, Beautiful, Tragic. it’s so good omg (Also so sorry about the long wait!)🙃🧡

I ship you with…

Lewis Nixon!

Song recommendation: Perfect - One Direction

- Okay bestie hear me out, but when I was reading your description Nix just popped into my head, Some of the things you mentioned just reminded me of him, and not just that but I think your vibe matches him a lot!

- When he first met you, he would he more calm about his feelings towards you, he’d think to himself like, “Dang, they’re hot” but then I think he would try to dismiss it, he’s seen you around the town before but hasn’t made a move on you yet, just because you’re one of the first people who actually makes him a little nervous

- and also there was another thought in his head that you might already have someone (cause i mean cmon, you’re obviously super attractive, why wouldn’t already have somebody?) and wouldn’t want to be disrespectful towards you if you did already have a partner.

- But I think talking to you would be inevitable at some point, like he can’t just walk around you with out saying something to you forever, you guys would be at a bar or something on the weekend, so you already know it’s PACKED, and you go up to the actual bar to get a drink and that’s when you accidentally bump into him

- You immediately say sorry to him, and he’s just like 😳, he did NOT expect to see you there that night and he was totally unprepared (and we already know this man hates being unprepared)“Are you okay” You would smile at him, and then he’d snap back into reality like, “Oh, yeah, i’m great” His confidence would just burst out of his chest at that point. “How bout I buy you a drink?”

- I think then you guys would be talking all night long, til the bar closes at least. he’d even make sure to not drink too much that way he wouldn’t be blackout drunk in front of you and could talk to you in a somewhat sober way

- Y’all have that fun sarcastic humor so y’all would just be laughing it up in the bar before closing time. It was probably one of the nights where he genuinely had fun talking to someone (other than Dick ofc)

- Just in general though afterwards you guys share that same type of humor, like you guys love to joke around and tease each other, almost like best friends would. Like banter is used A LOT in your guys’ relationship, you guys also know not to take it too far so when you guys do joke around it never actually does turn into a fight/argument.

- you guys are both a very smart couple, but he finds you brilliant, How you can just write up a whole page of words in a couple minutes, is a whole SKILLL to him, he always asks you to read what you’ve written to him after you’ve finished too (if you’re comfortable with reading it ofc)

- he’s almost a little jealous of how smart you are, you’re wayyyy more creative then him and he loves your open minded attitude. When he has a question about anything musical or literature he’s going straight to you to ask.

- He also loves hearing you play piano, he might even ask you to teach him some basics if you want to, it’s so soft and melodic to him he just can’t help but feel peaceful when he listens to your playing, really just any other piece of music you play.

- Both of you have this thing, where you guys aren’t super huggish in public, but when you guys are with each other, y’all are so loving and it’s so cute 🥹 like both of you can leave this adorable side of you, just for the other person to see and it’s heart MELTINGGG

- Lew usually likes to keep the pda minimal around people or in the public, only holding hands, or a hand around your waist, But when you guys are together in private, he’s so much more affectionate to you like cuddles and everything 😭 you see this side of him that he barely shows you anyone else, like this cute and giggly side of him omg.

- He’s also is big about showing you that he cares about the little things in your guys relationship. Like if he stops by a shop and sees a bouqet, with your fav flowers he’ll get them for you, or if you’ve had a bad day he will sit and talk with you and will be there for you in the best way he can.

- he can be a little awkward when it comes to expressing his feelings to you, even though he totally loves you, he feels like he doesn’t ever know what to say, but you never hold that against him, he always try his hardest to show you that he loves you in other ways then just words.

- You like painting? please show him how to paint and he will be GLAD to do it with you sometime, That would also be such a cute date idea, like you and him painting with eachother and then showing one another their finished product after. Your painting would of course look better then his but he would never admit that 🤣

- And if any of the guys need some advice? They’re going straight to you guys if they want the full and honest truth. Y’all are the “OG couple” to some of the younger guys so if it’s anything having to do with relationships and they need some real advice, then they’re going to you guys.

- date nights with this man are always so fun! He can always find things that both you and him enjoy to do and will arrange everything! Honestly for dates your job is to just be there while he does everything else 😭

- But if you try to help him with anything he will not let you at all LMAO like he just wants to treat you like full on royalty and that means you not having to move a single inch for anything the whole entire time, just in general he’s more of a romantic, like giving you his jacket if you’re cold, opening doors, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, little things like that he really enjoys doing for you.

- When he finds out you used to play soccer he is SHOCKED, like he’ll ask you how good you are at it and little questions like that, you might even play him a little bit and just show him the basics of the sport 😭 one thing that he can’t wrap his head around is the fact that you can’t use your hands at all, and if you beat him in a one on one match he will definitely blame it on the fact that he can’t use his hands, “I can’t just use my feet, I feel like i’m gonna trip over this ball!” BAHAHAHA

- But you guys would be so perfect together, like it’s almost like dating your bestfriend, the chemistry is PHENOMENAL and when you guys are together it’s just so natural, neither of you have to act any different then how you guys already are, This relationship overall would be so so nice omg.

Thank you again for your request lovely! I had so much fun making this and i hope you enjoy!! 💛💖🤭

[nikonstudio]

What about the New Apple iPad Pro 13 M4?

The "prowest" thing that I found myself doing with my slew of Apple tablets (7 of them) is probably with the use of Luma Fusion on it, followed by Raw Power.

Those "blew me away" moments came further and further between each with time, with many claiming it to quickly becoming their glorified Youtube machines. I beg to differ to going that low with one's opinion on these wonderful tablets, but wouldn't go that high up with it ever possibly replacing my well-aged Macbook Pro 14 M2 Pro neither. Its positioned exactly where Apple wants her to be.

Being intentionally limited, I actually found the hidden virtue of these devices offering me something worth beyond her asking price - focus, something most casual users and influential Youtubers will overlook or fail to see.

Every task remains undistracted. Every moment remain uninterrupted. Every objective stayed on track. That's what such tablets bring onto the myriads of devices claiming to offer everything today.

To further exemplify what I mean, just take my Samsung Tab S9 5G tablet as a case in point. She literally can do almost everything I threw at her - coding, presentation, calls, messaging, emails, games, server administration, video edits (Luma Fusion is now on Android too) and banking finances and more. Her Snapdragon 8 Gen 2 SoC actually chugged along and delivered...amidst the Android clumsiness no doubt. But her diverse capabilities also serve as nails to her dismissal, as her users attempt to manage that diversity of tasks. They often become distracted themselves, causing them to deliver a lacklustre task that they originally started with.

The collapse of the system comes when the Android OS itself strains under that immense load of omni-tasking and quickly struggles to deliver any engaging user experience overall. This triggers one's mind to avoid subsequent use since its now being tagged "nah". I will periodically be attracted to her for what I call - conscious first layer. It never got past beyond that.

In conclusion, that's what you are actually paying for - Focus. And I think its worth her asking price...every penny of it even for today.

Note - I am advocating the use of sensibility to choose your working Apple tablet as she offers different models of differing budget that you are comfortable with.

[xtrablak674]

knitboy1

I will be the first to admit it takes less than a blow of the wind for me to get a crush on a man. I have had probably thousand of crushes, some for seconds others spanning years that never reached any kind of fruition. Frankly, I love a crush, its a parasocial relationship that is occurring in your head. #lol The hardest thing can be actually meeting that person if its a digital crush, or for IRL crushes the person calling you out over the crush, or in some instances ignoring it completely and doing things like lifting you up in a bear hug in the reception area of your job! #CJstopthat

John was one of many folks I followed and who followed me back on my old Flickr account (before SmugMug deleted it, with no cause or warning). I think the kids call it mutuals now, and there is an entire subculture about the relationships folks have with their mutuals. These were some of the things playing out with me and a lot of my Flickr mutuals. There was this British guy who was a bit more aggressive and verbal in his feelings, and I would be telling a whole-ass lie if I said I didn't encourage him.

But knitboy1 was a local Brooklyn artist and albeit I am not a fan of plugs, I not only loved his artistic vibe but I thought he was attractive. I could see myself dating him. He was giving you an anti-hipster early Williamsburg vibe, even though he lived in I think Bushwick, a neighborhood that boarded Willysburg. He didn't seem like someone who was outside of my reach, he was attractive but not at a level that I thought he would be slumming in being with me.

Sixteen years ago he actually came to visit me, it was a chaste visit. Both of us with our cameras his a Nikon, mines a Canon the duopoly of camera companies photographers usually falling on one side or another. I can't recall the specifics or the goal of our meeting, it was surely not a sexual rendezvous no matter how much I would have liked that, I think it was a more plutonic meeting of us just exploring what the other was about in person. And most importantly to see if there was any spark, well at least for me.

Alas there wasn't, even though he referred to me as 'handsome' in one of the two photos he posted of me in his streams tags. I wasn't sad as much as disappointed. Sometimes the fantasy in your head seems so real that you wish it would spill over into reality. But most times this is never the case.

Sitting in my window seat doing my morning reading, the last thing I thought of doing was writing a journal entry, but I had opened a new browser window and found this website of knitboy1 and took a look around and seeing on the contact page the reason I couldn't find him on the remaining Flickr account I have is because I forgot the 'one' on his screen-name, it wasn't just knitboy, it was knitboy1. #bingo

I took forty minutes to go through his stream fav'ing photos I had long ago liked, screenshotting a couple of models I still found hot, the bulk of them being his self-portraits. I clearly still find him attractive. It looks like 2017 was the last time he used his Flickr account like so many of us who felt so close during our time in the early and mid-aughts, the platform passing through so many hands since the originators, so many changes and upheavals, we had collectively moved on from this platform which at one time in my life took up so much of my bandwidth.

There were many friendships made during that time, folks that I actually met IRL. My time on the platform gave me the confidence to have a short-lived visual arts artistic career taking my work from a digital space to hang on the walls of brick and mortar galleries and museums all over the country and the world. I had fond memories of this photo-based social media network and not even the deletion of my account could dismiss these warm feelings.

Wanting to get back to reading and sucking up this vitamin D this morning, I decided to send knitboy1 one of the photos I took of him during our all to brief meeting. I had edited it recently for content for my DA account. He hasn't responded yet, and he may not, but you can never know if you don't try. #🤷🏿‍♂️

[Photo by Brown Estate, Bottom Photos by John Brinegar]

[katmoonz]

Tell Me Your Dirty Secret

Pairing Bill Weasley x Fem!Reader (slight Sirius Black x Fem!Reader)

Word Count: 4.5k

CW: Smut, Jealousy, choking kink, possessive!Bill, Dom!Bill, Sub!Reader, use of pet names, aftercare, slight degradation, oral (male receiving), vaginal sex, slightest bit of violence, unprotected sex. if I’ve missed anything out plz let me know!

It’s midnight and there is not a soul in sight. Spending the holidays with the order in Grimmauld place sure was exciting from Sirius’ drunken shenanigans and Molly's incredible cooking to the twins' pranks, there was never a boring moment within the household.

Currently, you were sitting in the kitchen nursing a cup of hot chocolate thinking about your boyfriend Bill Weasley. You had met Bill through his brother Charlie, whose year you’d been in at school, the crush you had on Bill started from the moment you met him but you waited until you had left school before trying to get closer to him.

At the moment Bill was away on order business he was due back in the morning, this left you unable to sleep out of concern for his safety and with time to collect your thoughts.

Bill is the most handsome man you’ve ever met, his piercing blue eyes and his strong muscular form are all perfect but his kind and charming personality made you even more attracted. Bill is the sweetest boyfriend you could ever ask for, always checking up on you asking about your day, complimenting the meals you make, running a bath when you don’t feel well. His warm embrace makes you feel so safe and secure among other things... The sex is amazing Bill is always so attentive, always taking care of you first before carefully making love to you but it wasn’t enough. For the past few weeks, you had been wanting him to be a little rougher with you but you didn’t know how to tell him what you wanted.

It started one morning when he’d walked into the bedroom to find you struggling to tie your shoes, he’d bent down and tied them for you. You watched as his fingers, which were laden with rings, quickly but efficiently tie your laces before he stood up to kiss you on the cheek.

That was only the start of your fascination with his rings, he would often massage your shoulders for you after a long day at work before retiring to bed. When he kisses you he often holds your face in one of his hands, the cold metal of his rings against your face would cause butterflies in your stomach.

But you also wanted him to choke you. You’d started imagining him choking you after going out to a bar with him, a guy had been harassing you and you’d been trying to ignore it but he grabbed your arm tightly within his hand in a bruising grip trying to talk you into going home with him. You could smell the alcohol on his breath and before you knew it the man was being held up against the nearest wall by Bill, his hand around the pervs throat as he gave him a gruff warning to leave you alone.

Since that moment you’d constantly been fantasising about what it’d be like to have Bills hands around your neck whilst you had sex. The only problem with this being that Bill was ever so gentle whilst having sex with you, he’d never been rough in the bedroom.

You sigh as you finish off your hot chocolate before walking over to the sink with your mug to wash it out. *there must be some way to get him to be rough with me* you think longingly, suddenly the idea strikes you like a lightning bolt *Bill only had his hand around that man's neck because he pissed him off, perhaps if I make him jealous enough and then try to seduce him he will be rougher*

With that thought in mind, you decide to head up to bed not wanting to wear yourself out before tomorrow’s order meeting which would be the perfect opportunity to put your plan into action.

-

The weekly order meeting at Grimmauld Place was due to start in a few minutes, the house bustling with order members. Bill spots you from across the room and starts making his way over to you, “y/n” he shouts over the crowd.

Looking around you, you notice that the seat next to the owner of the house Sirius Black is free so you quickly seat yourself next to him.

“Alright love,” he says arching one brow before taking a sip out of the goblet in front of him.

“Yeah good,” you say looking around the kitchen for Bill, you spot him speaking to his mother who must have accosted him before he could get to you.

“trouble in paradise?” he asks before leaning back in his seat.

“No, no, nothing like that” you hastily reply, “I just um…” you look him up and down before taking a quick glance at Bill across the room.

“Y/n?”

You decide to give in and ask Sirius for help with your plan considering that he seems to be one of the few people in the room who would agree to it. “Would you help me with something?”

“Sure doll, what?” he asks, leaning in closer to listen to you.

“I need to make Bill jealous”

Sirius smirks before looking over your shoulder for Bill, he turns back to you and looks you up and down “what’s in it for me?”

You consider backing out for a second but at the thought of potentially having Bill's hand around your neck, you decide to go for it. “I’ll get you a bottle of firewhiskey”

Sirius smiles before taking your hand in his “deal” he doesn’t release your hand and whispers “don’t turn around he’s watching us, play along.” He raises your hand to his mouth before placing a chaste kiss upon your knuckle, you giggle both out of nervousness and to keep up the act.

You place your hand on the table and continue your conversation with Sirius.

“Why are you trying to make him jealous? If you don’t mind me asking?”

You look into his eyes and contemplate whether you should tell him or not. “I just want to piss him off,” you say, batting your eyelashes innocently.

“Mhmm, so you don’t just want some rough passionate make-up sex” He replies cockily picking up his goblet again.

You look at him sheepishly “how’d you know?”

He places his goblet back on the table before putting his hand on top of yours, “you don’t look like an angry woman trust me I’d know from all of the women- well also men that I’ve angered in my lifetime and every time you look at him you look as if you want to jump his bones.”

“I um-“

Sirius cuts you off, “it’s okay, you don’t need to explain yourself, maybe give me a few details tomorrow if you’re still able to walk, oh and my firewhiskey but I’m glad to be at your service doll”

You hit him on the shoulder before letting out a laugh, a tear falls from your eye as you laugh.

Dumbledore walks into the room getting ready to start the meeting, “Let's hope that Bill sits reasonably close to us” you say getting visibly excited.

Sirius lets out a chuckle, “Have fun I suppose but don’t come crying to me in the morning when you need a pain-relieving potion”

Bill walks over to you and leans over your shoulder to kiss you but you dodge him at the last second so that his kiss lands on your cheek. “Hello love, you look like you’re having fun” instead of turning around to speak to him you continue to look at Sirius, “mhmm,” you say dismissively. Bill gives you a look of confusion before walking away, he sits down at the opposite side of the table to you just as Dumbledore starts the meeting.

The meeting is relatively boring. It mainly consists of Albus talking about the upcoming patrols, you can feel Bill's eyes on you as you try to concentrate on the meeting and decide to shift your chair closer to Sirius’. Your hand is still on the table and after a few seconds of sitting closer to Sirius you can feel him place his hand on top of yours, he starts to stroke your knuckles with his thumb. You look up at him offering him a smile, he smirks back at you and leans into your ear. “We’ve barely done anything and he looks irritated already, follow my lead” he whispers before he leans back into his chair he strokes your cheek lightly with his free hand.

A couple of minutes pass by before Sirius shifts his chair even closer, he takes one arm and wraps it around you, you lean into his side with your head resting on his shoulder. You hear an angry huff from the other side of the table and take a glance up to see Bill with an angry expression upon his face.

Mad-eye starts giving his report on the happenings in Hogsmeade and you can feel yourself start to drift off to sleep as he continuously rambles.

You open your eyes at the feeling of someone lightly shaking you, “y/n love, you fell asleep the meetings finished” you look up to see that you have fallen asleep on Sirius, the rest of the order are starting to get up out of their chairs. Bill walks Molly and Arthur over to the floo giving yourself and Sirius a minute to yourselves.

“I don’t think we’ve pissed him off enough,” you say whilst trying to think of what else you could possibly do.

“You’re staying for drinks with us aren’t you? Perhaps we could flirt a bit more or you touch me up” suggests Sirius and before you can put up even the slightest protest at his suggestion Bill returns to the table with Charlie, Remus, Tonks and drinks in tow.

For a while Bill ignores you but you can see the slight frown upon his face every time he looks down your end of the table.

After a while of sitting back and listening to Charlie's stories about his encounters with dragons, you hear someone’s stomach rumble. Tonks giggles “sorry, I guess I’m still hungry”

Bill stands up “I’ll see if I can find any food, I’m sure Mum left some cookies a couple of days ago”

As Bill walks around the table you reach out to Sirius and put your hand on his thigh. You hear Bill let out a low growl as he notices how close you are to touching Sirius’ crotch. Before making his way over to the pantry he leans down over your shoulder, you can feel his warm breath behind your ear. “What are you doing?” He asks angrily.

You turn around to look at him and notice the red tinge on his face. It almost matches the shade of his hair due to how angry he is. “Nothing babe, I’m just talking to Sirius, am I not allowed to speak to my friend?” You reply innocently.

Bill lets out a huff before wiping a hand across his face trying to calm himself down, he proceeds to walk over to the pantry to find the cookies and upon returning he practically throws the plate onto the table. Everyone bar yourself and Remus takes one. After a couple of minutes you reach out to grab a smaller one but Sirius stops you by grabbing onto your hand. “I’m not sure you’ll want one love, they’re a few days old so they are quite hard.”

“That’s okay, I like it hard” you reply cockily before grabbing one.

There's a stunned silence for a moment before everyone starts laughing, that is everyone except Bill.

Sirius stretches in his seat before standing up, “c’mon let’s go sit in the library it’s much warmer up there” Sirius reaches towards you taking your arm in his before leading the way up to the library.

Upon reaching the library, Sirius backs you into a bookshelf and cages you in with his arms. “I’m sure you’ll get what you want soon, love” he whispers down into your ear. Instead of withdrawing after whispering into your ear, he keeps his face close to yours so that if anyone were to walk into the room it would look as though the two of you were making out.

Sirius has the most breathtaking eyes you’ve ever seen, you can feel your breath hitch as you gaze into his face. Sirius due to his lineage has sharp aristocratic features upon his face, his lips voluptuous and full. If you weren’t already with Bill you definitely would have jumped Sirius’ bones.

A couple of minutes go by, you hear the sound of the floo signalling that someone has left. Another minute flies by and you feel your heart flutter in your chest with anticipation. A stomping noise comes from the staircase before the door is abruptly opened,

Bang!

In a matter of seconds, Sirius has been roughly pulled away from you and pinned into the wall by an angry Bill.

Bill has his hand wrapped around Sirius’ throat and you can feel the anger radiating off of him. “Hands off my girl” he growls. You whimper but Bill ignores you so that he can focus on Sirius who is currently pinned to the wall smirking.

“Trust me I’m not interested in your girl” replies Sirius cockily despite having a muscular hand around his throat.

“Then why were you all over each other?” Asks Bill, his hand on Sirius's neck slightly loosens

“Because she asked for it” Sirius replies cockily. Bill tightens his hand around Sirius’ neck yet again and you whimper even louder than before. Your panties are completely soaked and you’re rubbing your thighs together to try and relieve some of the arousal that you are feeling. Both Bill and Sirius hear your whimper and look over to you watching as you non-discreetly rub your thighs together.

“She planned this Bill, look at her, she’s getting off on it,” Sirius says with a hint of laughter in his voice.

Bill watches you for another second before letting go of Sirius.

“Is that true princess? Did you plan this?” asks Bill, with a strange look on his face. You don’t respond to him so he walks over to you and tilts your head up to look at him.

“Answer me when I talk to you” he growls dangerously, his eyes have darkened slightly, possibly due to his anger or arousal. You whimper again before nodding. “come on love, let’s go to bed” he firmly grasps your arm and marches you over to the door, he stops and turns to speak to Sirius from across the room “we still okay to stay tonight?” He asks gruffly.

“Sure mate” replies Sirius leaning against a bookcase with a smirk on his face. The last thing you see before you are dragged out of the room is Sirius winking at you.

With a tight grip on your arm, Bill marches you up the stairs of Grimmauld Place towards one of the guest rooms. You can feel butterflies in your stomach both excited and nervous at the prospect of getting what you want. Bill drags you into the guest room and closes the door. Bill turns around to watch you for a minute before beckoning you forward with his finger. “Come here love”

Cautiously you walk towards him till you are standing right in front of him.

“Why did you do that?” asks Bill, the strange but intimidating look remains on his face.

“M’sorry” you reply, slightly embarrassed.

“No love, I didn’t ask you to apologise. I said why?” He steps forward so that there is no space between you. You can feel his breath on your face.

“Just wanted to make you jealous” you reply, sheepishly.

Bill puts his hand under your chin and tilts your head to make you look at him. “Why’d you want me jealous princess?” his mouth is right next to your ear and you can feel his warm breath against the side of your face.

“S’hot” you reply putting a hand on his chest

“Mhmm, and what else?” Asks Bill, starting to kiss and suck on your neck.

You let out a quiet moan, “want you to be rough”

“Rough? how’d you want me to be rough?”

You pull back from him slightly to look into his eyes, his pupils are wide with arousal, “Well?” He asks arching a brow

“Want you to fuck me hard,” you say breathlessly, you can feel the tingle in your pussy from just admitting to your desire to be dominated.

��Good girl” he whispers before kissing you, Bill brings up one hand to start massaging your breast as he backs you up to the closest wall. Bill presses you up against the wall and softly bites your lip before backing away from you. You whine, Bill stands in the middle of the room with his arms crossed looking slightly amused at how desperate you are. “strip” he orders. You look up at him and don’t make a move to take off your clothes.

“Are you dumb princess? I said strip” Bill gives you a stern look as he orders you to take your clothes off. After a few seconds more of staring at Bill blankly, you start to remove your clothing. Just as you are about to remove your panties his voice reaches your ears again. “Leave them on”.

You look at him and rub your thighs together, your panties damp with arousal. Bill comes closer to you and puts one hand on your shoulder to push you down “Be a good girl and suck my cock”

You get onto your knees and wait patiently for him to unbuckle his belt, you watch as his ring laden fingers pop open the button on his trousers and push them to the floor alongside his underwear. His cock, long and hard now revealed to you.

The sight of his cock has what one might describe as a Pavlovian effect on you, your pussy throbs with excitement and your mouth suddenly feels as though it has too much saliva. You lean forward and spit on your hand before enclosing his length in your fist, you run your hand up and down it, getting him harder with your hand. You bring your face closer and look up at Bill, his face expectant. “Well?” He asks.

You bring out your tongue and give the head of his cock a lick, Bill shudders and lets out a pleasurable moan, you grin before taking him slightly into your mouth, sucking on the tip like a lollipop. Bill starts to moan a bit louder, you take him deeper into the warm cavern that is your mouth. You bob your head up and down whilst using a hand to work the rest of him off as he has a rather generously sized cock. Bill puts a hand in your hair, his eyes are shut revelling in the pleasure that your mouth is giving him. “Yess, good girl” he hisses, trying not to succumb to the urge to just cum in your mouth.

After a few minutes, Bill pulls on your hair, you release him from your mouth and look up at him before whining in disappointment. “Up,” he says, you stand up slowly trying to adjust to the blood flow getting back to your feet after being on your knees.

Bill reaches down to help you and pulls you into his chest as you rise, “are you gonna be my good girl?” He asks with a smirk on his face, without giving you a second to reply he lifts you off of your feet and carries you to the bed, throwing you down and settling himself over you. Roughly, Bill pulls down your panties before chucking them across the room, he brings himself back up to your face grasping your jaw in one hand. Your pussy throbs as you stare into each other’s eyes.

Bill has the most beautiful blue eyes you’ve ever seen, the blue orbs a stark contrast to his ginger locks which are tied back in a bun at the back of his head. As you distract yourself with your boyfriend's beauty he sneaks a hand down to your pussy. You gasp as a lone finger suddenly fills your aching core, he pumps it in and out a few times before stopping causing you to squirm, “Bill, please” you whine.

Bill smirks and leans down to take a nipple in his mouth, he waits until you let out a little moan before releasing your nipple with a pop. Not wasting another second he pushes his cock into you, letting out a groan at how tightly you are gripping him, he starts with gentle thrusts before steadily speeding up. You can feel the tingle in your pussy and let out little moans every time Bill pushes back in.

As you get closer to your release Bill starts to slow down, he slows till you start to whine having been pulled away from the brink of orgasm. Bill moves one hand to rest next to your neck and continues slowly thrusting, he leans down and takes your ear lobe between his teeth for a second before letting go and pulling back to look into your eyes.

“So princess,” he starts “did you think it was fun to make me jealous?” he punctuates his sentence with a hard thrust causing you to let out a gasp.

“M’sorry” you whisper back at him.

“Sorry? So you don’t want me to be rough with you?” He asks with a smirk on his face, this time he ceases all movement. You whimper and buck up your hips to try and get him to move, he chuckles. “Look at you, acting like such a desperate slut” he starts to move again, this time with slow, hard thrusts.

“Is that good baby?” he asks

“Not enough” you whine back at him

“Not enough?” he asks “maybe my desperate whore would get what she wanted if she asked for it”

He wait to see if you respond before continuing, he looks you dead in the eye, “Tell me” he whispers huskily “tell me your dirty secret”

Without thinking you end up blurting out what you want, “want your hand on my neck”

Bill takes one hand and gently wraps it around the front of your neck, pressing down lightly at the sides. Bills rings feel cool against your skin, the cold metal a stark contrast to the heat of your sweaty body. You moan loudly and your pussy clenches around his cock drenching it even more.

Bill feels himself getting close from the grip you have on him so he starts to thrust harder “good girl” he hisses.

It feels like a dream, how could this delicious demanding man be your Bill, you are in such disbelief at how easy it was to get him to be rougher with you that the next words that fall from his mouth seem almost unreal.

“Touch yourself” he huffs out mid-thrust

You reach a hand down and start frantically rubbing your clit, desperate for release. You feel the tingle in your navel grow and your moans get louder. Bill senses that you are about to cum and presses down slightly against the sides of your neck pushing you over the edge. You see white and feel Bill release your neck as he gives a few more thrusts before releasing inside of you, he manages to stay on his arms long enough to pull out and drop down next to you.

Half asleep from the powerful orgasm you hear someone moving around the room, you let out a groan and shift slightly to get more comfortable.

“Shh baby” Bill whispers, he moves your legs to start cleaning you up and you let out a whine at being moved from your position. Bill gently strokes your cheek, “it’s okay, I’m just cleaning up the mess, good girl” He takes a wet cloth and carefully wipes up the mess between your legs.

The mattress shifts slightly as Bill returns to you, he pulls you into his chest and softly kisses your forehead, “my good girl” he whispers into the top of your head just as you drift off to sleep.

-

The soft glow of sunlight coming through the dusty old curtains is the first thing to greet you upon awakening. You stretch out your limbs which are sore from last night and try to roll over but find that you can’t due to the strong arm that Bill has wrapped around your torso.

Bill softly snores and you peer up at his face over your shoulder, his features even more beautiful in the glow of the morning sunshine. His skin has a pretty sheen to it, the freckles on his arms and face stand out against his pale skin.

Carefully so as not to awaken him, you slip out from under his arm. As you stand up you almost lose your balance and have to hold on to the edge of the bed to steady yourself. You notice Bill's shirt from the previous day abandoned on the floor so you pick it up and pull it on buttoning it up before shuffling out the door.

You head to the restroom and then start to make your way down to the kitchen, the trip taking almost twice as long as usual due to your aching muscles.

Finally, you get to the kitchen which is empty, you make yourself breakfast before sitting down. After a few minutes, you hear the floorboards creak signalling that someone is approaching the kitchen. The door creaks open and you are greeted by Sirius who is grinning from ear to ear, “morning love, wasn’t expecting to see you today”

You roll your eyes and finish your breakfast. You slowly stand up and make your way to the sink with your dishes, you lean against the counter after ridding yourself of them. “Soooo” begins Sirius, “how was it?” He leans against a nearby wall and takes a sip of his coffee waiting for your answer.

“Good” you respond not giving anything away

Sirius looks you up and down before putting his mug down and crossing the room to stand between your legs, he’s so close that you can feel his breath upon your cheek. You close your eyes as he brushes a strand of hair away from your face, you feel him shift away from you and as you open them again you find him softly smiling at you his eyes have a mischievous twinkle.

Sirius walks back towards the door pausing before turning back towards you. “I have a present for you” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle, he throws it to you, you catch it. It’s a bottle of pain-relieving potion. He winks at you before leaving the room.

Tags: @crystal-dee @fredweasleylittleslut @padf00ts-l0ver @divanca2006

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