#most of the things I find myself making quickly are sent off as gifts so I don’t have time for proper photo shoots

[kirbyspixiecraft]

Oh my goodness it’s a little fox!! 🦊

Credit for the pattern goes to “CraftyBunnyBun” you can find it here.

Consider supporting my work via my Etsy shop! I also offer to do custom orders/commissions. May you have a wonderful day🌸

[2hightocare]

IN A WORLD OF BOYS, HE’S A GENTLEMAN

Synopsis: in which jungkook makes you realize a perfect man may exist…

Pairings: nonidol!jungkook x fem!reader

Genre: established relationship!

Warnings: pure on fluff, Jungkook being a gentleman, oc crying, gguks love language ‘gift giving’

Jungkook has always been a gentleman, following the sidewalk rule, opening doors, assisting his mom with groceries, and even pulling out chairs. He considers these actions the bare minimum.

When Jungkook met you, he found himself doing everything possible to make you happy. He started buying you flowers every other week after learning about your love for them and how your dad used to surprise you with bouquets as a little girl. Jungkook would research the meaning of each flower before showing up at your door with them, sometimes accompanied by your favorite coffee or snack.

The pink tulips Jungkook got you two days ago now sit beautifully in a vase on your vanity. "Care and good wishes, baby," he whispers the meaning of the flowers against your mouth, making you break into a big smile.

…

As an avid reader of romantic books, you would often find yourself on Jungkook's couch in your pajamas and fuzzy socks while he either slept or watched television with his head on your lap. He would playfully toy with your socks as you read, and your black-framed reading glasses would rest on your nose. "My glasses are so dirty, yuck," you scrunch your nose, cringing at their fogginess before taking them off.

“Give 'em to me," Jungkook says, raising his hand. You place the glasses in his open hand, and he uses the back of his shirt to carefully wipe them down.

These unasked-for gestures release a swarm of butterflies in your stomach, making your cheeks hurt from smiling. Most times, Jungkook doesn't even notice he's doing these things; they happen subconsciously. Like when he drops to his knees immediately upon noticing your untied shoes, tying them with bunny ears before creating a bow perfectly, not too tight or too loose, just as you like them. He then stands up, acting like nothing just happened.

You'd express gratitude often for everything he does, but he would consistently shut you up with a kiss, saying, "It's the bare minimum, baby. I wish I could do more."

During your girls' nights, your friends occasionally felt a twinge of envy as you recounted Jungkook's thoughtful gestures. You'd share how he bought all the books you had saved in your Barnes and Noble cart, leaving them outside your door along with a box of chocolate-covered strawberries.

Your sister, overwhelmed by jealousy, almost cried out, "Oh my god, when will I get myself a Jungkook!" she groaned into her hands, eliciting giggles from you and your mom. "No, seriously, like what the heck!" She continued, making you laugh even harder while recording her tiny tantrum on the phone you held in front of your face.

"Can I at least have one strawberry?" your sister muttered, creating a small window with her hands covering her face as she peeked through. Your mom burst into laughter, trying not to choke on the water she had just been drinking.

You quickly sent the video to Jungkook before admiring the stack of books wrapped in brown kraft paper, neatly held together by a pink ribbon. The thoughtfully arranged packaging made you reluctant to even open.

Jungkook had always claimed that his love language was gift-giving, using it as an excuse every time you told him to stop spending so much money on you. While he shook his head, saying, "I have the money," your boyfriend justified his actions, making you roll your eyes and then leave a big, fat kiss on his lips.

Reflecting on all the things Jungkook has done and continues to do for you warms your tummy and brings a smile to your face. Jungkook genuinely enjoyed performing these acts, from carrying you or swapping shoes when your feet hurt from your heels to taking off your makeup after you fell asleep with it on, and putting your phone to charge whenever you would forget to.

Your heart races every time you see him, a reminder of how effortlessly you fell in love with Jungkook. His encouraging words during testing week or on days when everything seemed to go wrong.

“What’s wrong, baby? Tell me, I’ll fix it,” he whispers, cupping your cheeks as tears continue to flow down your face.

His words only intensify your tears, causing Jungkook to panic. Not sure what to do, he holds onto you tightly, feeling the pain in his chest grow with each sniffle that escapes you.

“It’s so stupid—” you start to explain, flapping your hands around, only for Jungkook to gently cage them with his own.

“Hey, anything that makes you this upset is not stupid, baby,” Jungkook reassures, kissing your tear-stained cheek. Your hair and makeup are disheveled from crying, and your hand rubs your chest, hoping to take away the ache.

Jungkook watches your movements, sighing as he realizes he can't do anything to take away all your pain. God, how he wishes he could.

Since that day, you find solace in clinging onto Jungkook at every opportunity. His comforting touches, from light caresses to small kisses on your cheek or forehead, become your source of comfort. Each gesture makes you want to shower him with kisses.

…

“Do you want pasta and pizza?” he asks, reaching for a loose strand of your hair and securing it behind your ear before returning his attention to the menu. Leaving you looking at him with hearts in your eyes.

"Hmm," you hum as your head nestles into his shoulder, inhaling his scent. "Sleepy?" he asks, smiling down at you. "Nah," you giggle as he squeezes your thigh, your hand resting on top of his, barely covering half of it. "You should’ve brought jeans; you're freezing," Jungkook suggests, moving his hand up and down your bare thighs. "The skirt was too cute not to wear," you mumble into his shoulder.

"Super cute," he agrees, looking down at your black skirt before attempting to pull it down. "Too short, though," he continues, making you burst into laughter and swat his shoulder.

Jungkook watches your profile as you slurp on the pasta, a rush of love overwhelming him. He'd give you the stars and the moon you love so much without a second thought. He used to roll his eyes to the thought of love back then now, he found himself captivated by the girl with a white headband beside him, chuckling at every 'mmm' you let out when taking a bite.

"I love you," Jungkook says suddenly, making you look up with a mouth full of food. You tease, "Are you dying?" His smile widens, "No, I just wanted to tell you." Jungkook leans down, leaving a quick peck on your lips. Your eyes soften, "I love you."

Moments like this make you wonder: what were you doing without him in your life?

[a-hazbin-reader]

Hey‼️

Soooo I was wondering if u could maybe possibly write an alastor x reader where reader has a secrets admirer and alastor is super jealous but he can't show it bc they're technically only friends and acting protective would be weird.

Bonus points if the read is completely oblivious to his jealousy and eats the snacks from the gift baskets all the time, right in front of him, and wonders why his eyes is twitching so much.

Pleaseee?

👀 I don't have time for this but-

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Alastor being a red flag fr

Description: ☝️⬆️

What does Alastor care if someone wants you? He has no interest in taking you for himself. Nope. Not. At. All.

Would laugh if anybody tried to claim he felt something for you other than mild fondness

It's just been a particularly annoying few weeks because of all the gifts being sent to the hotel with your name on them, from some persistent admirer

So he does his best to convince you that they aren't good enough for you

Alastor feels his mood sour when he hands you a bouquet of flowers, your face lighting up at the sight of them as you hold them like they're precious

He misses the way your smile falters a bit when you read the tag, a small part of you hoping they were from the demon in front of you instead

"Another lackluster gift from what must surely be the most lackluster admirer on this side of the pentagram. Just look at how wilted those flowers are already!"

You shake your head and toy with the petals on the flowers, picking off the dying ones delicately

He loves me... he loves me not...

"Oh hush, it's rather darling that someone took time out of their day to give me something so thoughtful.."

You walk away to put the bouquet into a vase so you miss the twitch in Alastor's eye, the tight clenching of teeth and fierce grip on his staff

"Thoughtful? Those are yellow roses! Yellow roses stand for friendship, not romance! You can do so much better!"

Or another time, you offered him a chocolate, munching away on sweets while holding a heart-shaped box

"Are you confessing to me? You shouldn't, I'm quite the heartbreaker just so you know~"

He regrets saying the words the moment they leave his mouth, but they're the only thing keeping a blush off his face, taking a chocolate to shut himself up

You only hum and roll your eyes, putting a hand on your hip as you shake the box at him, mostly all an attempt to get his eyes on the candies instead of your blushing face

"No, my secret little lover dropped off a bunch of these and I can't possibly be expected to eat all of this myself, now can I?"

The sweet treat suddenly feels bitter in his mouth and he wants to rip up the box in your hand

"Oh, so that's why these taste so uninspired! Most likely store bought instead of homemade, such a shame."

You only snort and shake your head, popping another chocolate into your pretty mouth

"Who makes homemade chocolates anymore? Let alone take time out of their day to have them delivered to me?"

Alastor is embarrassed by the warmth and genuine emotion in his voice, his smile softening as he looks you over

"Someone who cares about you enough to recognize you're worth the effort, my dear."

He leaves quickly to avoid any further embarrassment, blushing deeply and sliding the rest of the candy boxes into the trash on his way out

"A-Alastor!!"

"I'm simply doing you a favor, my dear!"

He doesn't see your sputtering and blushing as you try to comprehend what just happened

Alastor can handle the flowers, chocolates and all other sorts of gifts but when the letters start pouring in?? He's about to lose his mind

It's been at least three letters a week, and he's sick of finding them outside the hotel. He actually rips up the ones he gets to first

He finds Charlie and Angel leaning over your shoulder and reading a letter in your hands, a soft blush on your face

Charlie was cooing over how sweet the letter was while Angel was obviously teasing you, making your blush deepen

"And just what is that in your hands, my dear?"

You jump and try to hide the letter but Angel quickly snatches it away to keep reading it, laughing as he does

"Toots here got another love letter from her secret admirer~ They think she's just the most precious babe around~"

Charlie is squealing and fanning herself with her hands as she jumps up and down, making you groan and hide your face in your hands

"Isn't it just so romantic? They're really head over heels in love with her!"

Alastor feels his eye twitch as he snatches the letter from Angel to read it over himself, ignoring the noise of protest that comes from you

Finally, he glances over at you, crumpling the letter up and ripping it into pieces in front of everyone

"Well now! That was about the worst thing I've read all day!"

It felt good to rip it up, picturing it to be your admirer instead

You stand there in shock, eyeing the bits of paper then Alastor, Angel and Charlie slowly backing out of the room only to peek their heads back in

"They... they said I was beautiful."

Well... now he feels a little bad...

He recovers quickly though and wraps a casual arm around you, guiding you away from the mess as Niffty runs in to clean it up

"That's exactly what they wrote in the last one! It's nothing new, I'm afraid! Truly, you deserve better than that!"

You pout and lean your head on him a little, trying not to look disappointed about the letter

"Yeah? And just what do I deserve?"

He grins at you and leans in, pulling you closer to him

"Let me show you, my dear~"

You simply roll your eyes as you let him lead you out of the hotel on a walk, enjoying the weight of his arm around you

There's no more secret admirer after that, which suits you both just fine

Here~

[marinas-drafts]

Hi! First off, I would like to applaud you for your writing. I very often do read fics, but I very rarely find myself being enamored by all the fics written by one author. Your writing style is immensely captivating, and really the gift that keeps on giving? It really is. I love how with each fic you write, the reader can't help but find themselves mentally sketching out the character's personality in their head. I don't know if I've explained it clearly, but like basically you write your characters in a way that makes them feel so real? Which I know sounds insanely cliche to say, but nonetheless, it's true. Each character is so wonderfully distinctive. Different characters, and different storylines, but somehow your writing is both so persistently enchanting and unique in all of them. It's kinda like when someone you know has a signature perfume that they wear, so they have that scent that just automatically makes it known that it's them. Or when one sees a painting in an art gallery, and can quickly distinguish which one is a Van Gogh and which one is a Claude Monet - without, or before ever looking at the signature.

I feel like this has been asked before, so feel free to correct if you've answered this question... How do you work out how to write distinctive dialogue for each character that you write? and how do you make them sound not flat or scripted, to sound realistic? Because I always find myself running into a brick wall. There is that risk of sounding too cliche, too unrealistic, too much, or too less.

Do you ever listen to music when you write?

I apologize for this very long Ask!

Kisses,

anon.

This is the kindest, most relieving and uplifting note to read. I can’t thank you enough for your kind words, and I’m really humbled that you find that talent in my writing. I feel like I’ve grown so much just in the past year, and it’s been a delight to do it with people giving their feedback instantly. It’s a special little thing we’ve got on this platform.

I was literally just discussing the dangers and delights of dialogue with my writing friend yesterday. I feel like just in the past few months I’ve gotten to a new level of comfort in writing it -because I used to find it terrifying -but still there’s so much doubt creeping in at times. That’s one thing I adore about writing, if you keep after it you can be sure to progress no matter how veteran you are at it.

How do I manage it? I’m relieved that you think I do manage it, ha. But honestly I think much of it comes from studying other people’s works. Any movie or book or fic that strikes you as effortlessly natural, copy the hell out of it. Not word for word although that’s a place to start just to get the feel, replace it with your own words but notice how they structured it.

Humans don’t perfectly abide by grammar when speaking, or if they do it sets a tone for that person. Most of us start a sentence halfway through, nixing the starting place that a novel would chose and go straight to the point, sometimes having to tack on specifics at the end but never the beginning.

“Where’d that cheese grater go?” He asked and you were confused by what was wrong with the one he now held, “The one with the rust on it,” he elaborated, “I like the tinge it gives the cheese…”

😜 anyways…so study the heck out of how real people talk, and that varies drastically from person to person in the ring details, study the movies that feel least scripted (so often it’s not the actors fault it’s the script feels false) and mumble to yourself. I’m not kidding, have conversations in character, in your head.

Often if I have someone to base a character on in my head (say Elvis or Ann-Margret) I’m going to study their vocabulary, I’ll plop a interview on before writing and just listen to cadence and word choice. What words they tend to use and which they don’t. Anything culturally distinct about their sentence structures? Does one say “alright” more than “okey?” So often I’ll just write sentences that come to me then go back and weed out words that strike me as “too Elaine” for Gigi or “too Rosey” for Elaine. It’s a vibe you’re trying to maintain with a paper person’s aura, and much of that is how little or how much they say, wether they plead it or joke it or demand it.

And when you write the dialogue correctly you find that you don’t always need the dialogue tags to tell people whether they’re demanding or begging, etc. it’s really a thing no one can show it’s just felt, and I know that’s an obnoxious bit of advice but truly my last suggestion is also my first -go practice, and keep it messy!

Also, not always do I listen to music, but often! That’s another thing I don’t worry about words I worry about atmosphere with my playlists so I’ve had folks laugh about how some songs don’t fit lyrically, and that’s true, but the vibe is right sonically, it puts me in the right headspace so it keep it in the queue.

Thank you for such a delicious ask! Xoxo 💋 Marina

[gayshitinfinite]

16, 20, 23, 25 🌷

xxx

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

one of the smartest, coolest people i know (like go through their blog SERIOUSLY). she's really funny and well-versed in her memes ( i have no idea how u possess the talent to think/find those things and edit so quickly. like how????? the talont, the skills, i could never).

finder of cursed emojis and maker of the cutest crocheted (crocheyed?) baymax plushie, i bow down to you. i admire your strength to keep going no matter how long it takes. thank you for every time you've listened to my problems and for sharing (and for "bringing me" ramen soup (i hope they make a kanji one soon.... or not. the ramen one is really good too), you are a good friend<3333

16.what do you want most in the world right now?

self control?(......that sounds so bad dude). to be more conscious of whats happening instead of just letting things happen (u ever wanna get out of your body and shake yourself by the shoulders and scream 'bitch u have agency, u can make decisions, u can make actions. u r not some character doomed by the narrative or something'). motivation. i'd really like some motivation abt now. god i just wanna do something. anything really. just start something, or pick up something i left off, or idk finish things.

i really want to scream 'stop leaving shit and stop being scared of trying or doing something all the time. GOD' at myself

do something. yeah i really wanna do something ( she sounds like she cud be talking abt drugs. she is not. she's talking abt painting a mushroom (the fungus), 2 girls kissing,funny pictures of cats. binding a book, making funny/cute earrings (or just fucking completing her eng h.w for god's sake)

i'd really like to do things again. i miss it so badly u have no idea. i no longer want to pretend to be cool and mysterious and like, its hard to make me smile or amuse me. i wanna feel joy like that again. i wanna love passionately. i just want to learn and create something. i want to practice a skill and see it's effects bear fruits, uk. im so tired of laying around watching time pass me by and feeling regretful and disappointed and so so guilty for no reason. like can u do something different for MY sake plsss. im so tired and i dont wanna rest. im so tired of resting. i'd really like to stop being paralyzed and overwhelmed by the things i want to do. and instead just start something. or complete one thing i left off. just pick it up again. one thing. one thing for now.

so.. yeah, get my shit together and do something. thats what i wud like to do

23.favorite piece of clothing?

a frilly (kind of) white shirt with little bit lace on it that makes me feel like a pirate. a blue jacket (actually a hand-me-down-shirt), a handme down tshirt.

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.?

honestly, i really love hugs. getting hugs or holding hands with people i love and care abt. but i guess that's not a 'personal gift'.

i really love notes or like letters. like write me something stupid and I would probably keep it forever.

i love being send memes, or articles or quotes or poetry(esp. if it like breaks something in me and puts me back together or something for a sec). ig i like getting written stuff. huh thats something i havent noticed abt myself.

i also like getting music recs or cute jimkis(jhumkis) or hanging earrings.

thankyou sumi for the ask<33333( calling you sumi without chechi added feels weird. should i call u chechi?)

[notthetwilightyouremember]

The Dinner

We hadn’t long landed at the island, which was still mind blowing to say, when Edward sent me off to have a “human moment”. The large bathroom off the bedroom, had a large bath, which I was happy to take advantage of.

Nerves had kicked in while I soaked in the bath, leading to a mad rush as I shaved every part of my body, would Edward prefer that? I could feel myself spiralling, as my nerves grew. I had to get out, re-join Edward, distract myself with him.

I wrapped myself in one of the fluffy robes that hung on the back of the door and padded out into the bedroom where my suitcase awaited. I heaved it onto the bed, why did it weigh so much? What had Alice done while I wasn’t looking? Taking in a deep breath, I unzipped the luggage with shaky hands, only to be greeted by an explosion of lace and silk. Alice had clearly repacked my case, stuffing it full of what her version of honeymoon attire was. I rolled my eyes; it was just like Alice to do something like this. I tried to dig through the mountain of lingerie but quickly realised it was pointless.

A sigh escaped my lips.

Grabbing Edwards suitcase instead, I grabbed one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers. The fabric was soft against my skin, immediately bringing a sense of comfort and soothing my frayed nerves. My hair was still wet and clung to my back, but the tropical breeze stopped the sensation from being unpleasant. I fumbled around looking for a comb, why did Alice have to repack my suitcase? As I picked up various pieces of lace, a piece of paper fluttered free. Thick card stock, it could only be a note from Alice. Sighing I picked up the paper and opened it.

Enjoy your honeymoon, I repacked your original suitcase into the plain black bag, I hope you find my gifts useful!

Alice xxxx At least I would still have my things, I doubted Alice would know what I needed for my more human moments. The plain black case was easy to find and I felt a smile form on my face, as I was greeted with my own clothes. I grabbed my comb, raking it through my hair, the tangles making me wince. The ends had already begun to dry, making my job harder. But eventually I finished, my hair hanging limping around my face. Beautiful, I thought bitterly. But Edward had always liked my natural look. The thought brought a sense of comfort as I chucked my hair into a low ponytail so it fell down my back.

I looked around the bedroom, would I need to do anything else to make myself ready for Edward? Perfume? Deodorant?  Makeup? Maybe one of Alice’s pieces? No Edward liked me as I was, I wasn’t going to try and change that now.

My stomach let out a growl, the nerves had stopped me from realising how hungry I was. I hadn’t eaten anything on the plane. I did spot a kitchen, when we first arrived, had they stocked it for me? Only one way to find out, I guess.

I wandered my way to the front of the villa, the smell of pasta enticing me forward. Had Edward cooked? I laughed to myself at the thought, vampires didn’t cook silly. Yet as I turned the corner, the most beautiful sight greeted me and almost brought me to tears. Edward was at the stove, carefully watching something in a pot. The table had been dressed with flowers, reminding me of the meadow. A selection of candles lit up the table, their scent fresh like the forest that surrounded us at home. A single place had been set for me, a tall glass of coke with ice floating on its surface, waited for me.

“Oh Edward,” I choked out, from the lump in my throat.

He glanced up to me, breaking out into a dazzling smile as he drank me in, heat seared through me. How did he always look so breath taking? I felt a blush spread across my cheeks.

“Dinner is almost ready.” He was by my side in an instant, “take a seat.”

He guided me to the table, pulling the chair out for me, with a grand sweep of his arm. I ducked under it, taking a seat. He pushed me in, ever the gentleman. It was even more beautiful close up, the candle light provided a soft glow that made the atmosphere almost magical. Edward rushed back to the kitchen, lifting ravioli out of the pot and into an awaiting plate.

I found tears welling up as I realised what he was recreating, our first date, when I revealed I knew what he was. I remembered the nerves I felt that night, the scary men who Edward had chased away, the way Edward couldn’t believe I wasn’t in shock. It was hard to believe how far we had come since that night. How many battles we had faced, first James then Victoria, but here we stood. It was going to be weird, just getting time to laze around with Edward for a month, we hadn’t had such a time since our first summer together. I was looking forward to it, we certainly needed this after everything we had been through.

I was hoping to spend our first month as a married couple in honeymoon bliss. As Edward placed his dish in front of me, I couldn’t help but think we could.

It smelt surprisingly good, considering it had been made by a vampire, how did he know how to create the flavours?

“So, if I eat this will it poison me?” I joked, as Edward sat beside me.

Edward laughed, a musical sound. “No, Renee proved a reliable test subject.”

“Renee?” I laughed. She couldn’t cook to save her life.

Edward nodded. “Maybe a little help from Seth as well.”

I beamed at him. “Thank you, Edward, this is beautiful.”

“Say that after you try it,” Edward grinned.

I speared a ravioli with my fork, making a show of smelling it first, before popping it in my mouth. The flavour exploded immediately, making me moan, it was delicious.

“Is that a good sound?” Edward asked.

I picked up another, eating it quickly. “Oh yes, this is fantastic Edward, I can’t believe you made it.”

“I’m glad love.” Edward looked away, if he was human, I was sure he would be blushing. “I know we agreed to no presents, but I thought this would be allowed.”

I found myself choking up again, I reached for his hand. “It’s perfect Edward.”

His answering smile, took my breath away. I would take a thousand mushroom ravioli over any expensive gift anytime. The amount of work he must have put in to learn the recipe, blew me away.

“Although, there’s one thing missing.” I tried to make my tone serious.

Edward frowned, “what?”

“A kiss for the chef,” I explained, barely containing my laughter at his worried expression.

He leant forward placing a small kiss on my nose, “that was a very cruel trick to play Mrs Cullen.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer, silencing him with a kiss. One he happily returned, making me melt against him. Time forgotten.

Happiness bubbled up inside me. It was going to be a good honeymoon.

[j-graysonlibrary]

Heartbeats; Paradise Chapter 11

Title: Heartbeats; Paradise

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 112K

Genres: Psychological thriller, drama, sci-fi, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: Melvin Hardy and Kade Axel appear to be a match made in heaven. After a meet-cute in the rain, the two quickly find themselves in a burgeoning, wholesome relationship.

Yet, things feel…off. It isn’t the ghosts of their pasts that resurface to test the strength of their partnership—no—it’s something nebulous. Something indescribable. Melvin can’t put his finger on it but, the more time he spends with Kade, the more he starts to wonder what’s real and what’s pure fiction. 

Full chapter 11 under the cut:

Chapter Eleven:

I wish I could run into Bree by accident. Her strange behavior from the other night still eats at me but I haven’t been able to see or speak to her since. I’ve sent a text while at work but the reception is so bad in my office that it never goes through and each time I mention her to Kade, he tells me that she’s busy and that’s why she hasn’t been around.

It’s not just her though. I haven’t heard anything about Nate either and I’ve only seen Starla once, very shortly, when picking Kade up from work.

Hugo is still replying only in short form when I’m in the office and everyone continues to act like soulless zombies when I try to interact with them.

Really, the only person I’ve spent any significant time with is Kade. While I can’t complain about that, I do wish we could have some sort of get together or hang out with our friends. As wonderful as a world with just Kade is, I am finding it a little lonely.

I can’t relay this to Kade. Not only do I not want to upset him by insinuating that his company isn’t enough for me, I also can’t—physically. I’ve tried to bring it up a few times but each attempt has ended with us talking about something else entirely.

Or having sex.

We’ve had so much sex I start to worry about chaffing.

My hand clasps Kade’s as we walk side by side in the downtown area. There is a fountain in the middle of some older storefronts and a few other couples walk around, holding hands and chatting happily. I catch a few of their eyes and smile as we pass by.

Kade squeezes my hand and laces our fingers together. He’s humming and his eyes shine with wonder as he looks around at all the different stores.

I wait for him to pick a destination and watch him with a relaxed smile. A pleasant buzz invades my head and nearly matches the tone of my boyfriend’s content humming. I start to sway our hands and, the more dramatic I become with the motion, the more Kade starts to grin.

“What?” he says first as he glances up at me.

“What?” I respond in kind but I can’t keep my smile from growing.

“You’re the one staring at me,” Kade points out and pokes me in the chest.

“I can’t help it,” I decide on the cheesy route and say, “You’re so beautiful I have no other choice.”

His face flushes and he responds with a pout. “Don’t tease me. Not in front of all these people.”

“I’m not teasing.” I’m really not—though it is fun to make him blush. I try to reserve that kind of thought for when we’re alone though. “You really are gorgeous. I always find myself blown away by the fact you chose me.”

“Well, why wouldn’t I?” Kade asks and steps in front of me. Our hands remain interlocked and he grabs my free hand to hold it too. With a slight sway, he continues, “You’re the most handsome, most caring, and most amazing man I’ve ever met. I’m the one that’s lucky to have you.”

I intend to argue but I already know where that leads. To us going back and forth, indefinitely, over who’s really the lucky one between us. And neither of us would ever concede.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest,” I say instead and lean down to kiss him. Amidst the other couples I doubt we stick out too terribly.

When I pull back I’m gifted with that beautiful face and those captivating eyes. I almost go for another kiss but I fear if I do then the date will skip to the end too quickly.

“Where do you wanna go?” I ask and glance around the square.

Kade hums in thought and follows my lead, checking each of the stores. “Nate says there’s a boutique here with some nice clothes. I could use some retail therapy.”

I laugh breathily and then nod. I wouldn’t mind a little Kade fashion show myself and I have the means to buy whatever his heart desires.

We pass the fountain and a couple who are a little too unaware they’re in public with the way they kiss. I pry my eyes away and turn to the shop instead. I hold the door open for my boyfriend and he bows dramatically to thank me for the gesture, laughing all the while.

The clothes in the boutique aren’t my style at all but Kade seems taken by the selection right away. He runs from one mannequin to the next, admiring their outfits and wondering aloud where the pieces are in the store. I help him find some of them and he takes his favorites with the promise of showing me how they look on him. I catch the suggestive wink and a shot of adrenaline races through me.

I doubt we can get away with doing anything in a changing room but the idea is certainly dangerous and more than a little sexy.

But I don’t try to follow him back immediately. I take a seat by the curtain and I cross my legs in anticipation.

Kade takes his time and, when he does walk out, he’s put together an entirely new look with his hair tied up in a bun and everything.

He’s wearing an outfit that wouldn’t look out of place in Nate’s closet and I can see why the man sings the praises of the boutique. But the fit is becoming on Kade and I can’t even decide where to focus my attention. His collar bone is showing with the deep swoop of the neckline and his stomach is peeking out but only when he moves his arms in a certain way. The pants are looser but they hug his hips and I can follow the curves of his body fairly well with my eyes. The boots are cute too and have a heel on them that make him a few inches taller so I wouldn’t have to lean so far down to kiss him.

He turns from side to side, showing off all the details and designs on the shirt in particular. It has clashing patterns and it definitely keeps my eyes busy.

“What do you think?” he asks and lifts a foot up as he giggles.

“Adorable.” I smile and give him a small clap in appreciation. “I don’t know how you’re not a model.”

Kade rolls his eyes. “Oh, stop it,” he says but he’s smiling though.

When he retreats behind the curtain again, I prepare myself for a long wait. I check my phone but there are no messages or notifications. I have no one to text anyway so I put it back in my pocket.

“Melvin…?”

The sudden use of my name by someone other than Kade sends me to my feet. I turn around to see none other than Gladis walking toward me. She’s got a dress thrown over her arm and she looks as surprised to see me as I feel to see her. This boutique isn’t exactly her style so I’m not sure what she’s doing here.

“Gladis.” I gape and fight for what to say so I decide to just speak my mind, “What are you doing here?”

“Shopping,” she responds with irritation clear in her voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m on a date.”

“Oh. With your new flame?” She puts her hand on her hip and regards me with what I read as doubt. As if I’m lying or, worse, she doesn’t believe my relationship with Kade is worth anything.

“My boyfriend, yes,” I clarify with my eyes narrowed.

Gladis flicks her eyes over to the changing room and then back to me. “I can’t wait to see what kind of guy you’ve settled down with.”

I’m not sure why she’s acting so antagonistic but I don’t have a moment to digest it since Kade steps out in his new outfit. It’s a charming button up with suspenders and a bowtie. He has his hair back down, falling past his shoulders in a loose but beautiful mess.

“Mel?” Kade notices instantly that something is wrong and he gets a good look at Gladis. “Who is this?”

“I’m the ex,” Gladis introduces herself before I can even open my mouth. “The name’s Gladis Rose, sweetheart.”

I watch Kade’s face tense and he doesn’t smile but he does reply, “I’m Kade Axel. You’re not here to see Mel, are you?”

“Oh no,” she says and waves him off, dismissing the, apparently, ridiculous idea. “I just happened upon him. We’ve been over and done with for a time.”

“You’re older than I expected,” Kade responds and I’m surprised by his bluntness.

Gladis scoffs and shakes her head. “And you’re not as prim and innocent as Melvin let on. With how he spoke of you, I expected a bashful little mouse who couldn’t look me in the eye.”

Kade looks away from her but only to stare at me. “What all did you say about me?”

Again, Gladis doesn’t let me speak. “He bragged to me how pure and vanilla your sex life is. Unlike my dark-sided, kinky self.”

“Melvin!?” Kade yells and I flinch.

“I did not say anything like that,” I try to defend myself. While I might have mentioned to Gladis that Kade and I were above her type of perversion, I never gave details. Though I worry, with emotions so high, he won’t believe me.

“May as well have.” She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “And, as I recall correctly, you used to like my kind of sex. Sure kept coming back to my house, didn’t you?”

“Shut up!” I yell without being able to hold it back any longer.

“What is she talking about…?” Kade mutters and Gladis smirks as if this is all she came over to do.

Now that her goal is accomplished, she waves with her fingers and tilts her head to the side. “See you next year, Melvin. I’m sure you’ll be single again by then.”

She walks out of the store and I feel my gut twist as Kade stares at me. He’s hurt—he doesn’t have to tell me for me to know it. And I don’t know how to fix it.

“I’ll buy whatever you want…then we can go home,” I say with no enthusiasm.

“I don’t want anything anymore,” Kade murmurs, “I’ll get changed.”

The trip back to the apartment is silent and even my mind has difficulty forming thoughts. I want to prepare something to say—something to combat Gladis’ words but I keep coming up blank. And Kade’s disappointed yet concerned stare does nothing to help.

I keep my head down as I walk into the bedroom,  expecting to be scolded.

“Melvin,” Kade says my name and it’s enough to send me to the edge.

So badly do I want his forgiveness—his understanding—that I fall to my knees and cling to his waist. It keeps me close to him but also keeps me from having to look him in the eye.

“I know that you’re upset,” I try to get ahead of him, “So, if it makes you feel better, maybe you should punish me. Do whatever you want—I can take it.”

Kade’s hands unclasp my grip and he moves his left hand to my face, forcing me to look up at him. He isn’t mad—I don’t think—but his eyes are full of unshed tears.

“You’re like this because of her, aren’t you?” His brows pinch together. “How old were you when you met her? What did she make you do? What terrible things did she make you associate with love?”

I realize, all at once, that Kade isn’t upset with me—he’s upset for me. My heart still pounds like crazy but I don’t feel like I could pass out at any moment anymore.

“I was fifteen when I met Gladis. She was a friend of my mother’s…” I gulp as I retell the story but the memories that come with my words are all blurry and hard to make out.

“I’m so sorry, Melvin,” Kade says and sinks down on his knees to meet me, face to face. He brushes back my hair and cradles my face in his hands while he sheds tears for my sake. “But you never have to worry about doing anything like that again. I’ll never make you beg for my love or punish you for my enjoyment. I’m not that kind of person.”

“I know,” I say though I want to take his line from when I comforted him about Oswald. When he said that it was okay that I did the same things because I’m me. I, too, think that—so long as it’s Kade—I’m okay with being slapped and choked. But I can’t get the words out.

I claim his lips with my own and I taste the love he has for me in the salt of his tears. For him to cry over me is proof that he truly cares and doesn’t blame me, at all, for what happened with Gladis. I may even be absolved of my crimes from the other day—of hiding these things from him.

We don’t take the extra step to get up and move to the bed. Instead, we fall to the floor right beside it. Kade lays over the top of me and deepens our kiss, filling me with a desire that clears my head rather than muddling it further.

I wait for a natural break in the kiss, when both of us take a second to catch our breaths. “Wait, Kade,” I say and run my fingers through his silky, blonde hair.

He presses his lips against mine, teasing a kiss but not quite committing to it. His eyes flutter up to mine. “Yes?”

“Why don’t you top this time?” It’s more direct than I’d usually say but I don’t want him to misconstrue and I don’t want the moment to pass us by.

It’s the best time for it, I feel, as Kade can fully claim me as his. We can be our firsts in this regard as well and have something between us that no one else can take away.

Plus, I really want to.

Kade looks at me for a long moment though it probably just feels long. He takes my glasses from my face and places them up on the bed where they can’t be crushed by accident. He doesn’t appear put out by my request and even keeps a smile firmly in place.

“Whatever you want, Melvin.”

He starts to unbutton my shirt and my chest constricts in both excitement and nervousness. I really don’t know what to expect but I am eager to find out. I trust that Kade will take care of me and I want to be able to be this vulnerable with him.

When we’re nude, Kade straddles my lap and looks down at me with an angelic glow around him. I hold his hand and give him a light squeeze, letting him know, without saying anything, that I’m ready.

Then Kade sits on me.

Even he looks confused.

I thought we were on the same page but, maybe, I didn’t word things clearly enough. He adjusts himself and begins to move against me at a slow, easy pace. His eyes move away from me and I see both his brow and his lips twitch.

“You okay?” I ask though I really want to ask what happened.

Kade nods but still doesn’t look at me. “I’m good…” He holds onto my hand tighter and finally twists his head back so I can see his face. My heart seizes—he looks like he’s about to cry again. But all he says is, “I love you.”

I try to ask what’s the matter.

I try to ask what went wrong.

But when I open my mouth I respond, “I love you more.”

[sarcasmsweetie]

A Better Life, Part 4

After a week’s worth of editing constantly, only to go back to the original draft and tweak a couple of things... Sigh. But we’re here reuniting with the family and IC!!

Pairing: Azriel x Older Archeron Sister

Word count: 9.8k

Part 3 | Masterlist | Part 5

Taglist: @lunalilyf @londoneyes-glasgowbones @eerievixen @hollyismentallyillhelp @parker-natasha @tbmaybank @poison-iv3 @morks-watermelon @a-little-disguised @officialmarvelwhore @vera0124 @xxoverthinkerxx @prongsraven @moontawnx

Feyre almost didn’t make it.

Nesta saved your sister.

I hope you can come meet your nephew soon.

Feyre hopes to see you.

Flashes of Rhys’ letter announcing the birth of his and Feyre’s son flashed through my mind as I frantically finished packing my bag. Various gifts I collected for the Winter Solstice and never sent. Some favored baked goods. The baby blanket I’ve knitted for my new little nephew. Everything was haphazardly packed once I confirmed with my boss that I could take a couple of days off to visit the Night Court. Cordelia was more than willing to allow me to take a few extra days than I had asked for, but Callum gruffly reminded me they’ll need me soon to prepare for the large event we were hired to cater.

I dropped Fenrir off at the royal stables, confirmed I had everything I intended to bring, then finally winnowed outside the property of Rhys and Feyre’s river home (courtesy of Rhys’ instructions within the letter he sent last night). I walked quickly up the path to the door, simultaneously grateful to Rhys for the protective wards he puts around his home, but also cursing him for having the winnowing site be so far from the house.

Knocking on the door, I reigned in any remaining panic I felt after reading the letter outlining that Feyre went into labor early and barely survived it. I pretended I wasn’t terrified at who might be in the house right now, and who I will most likely run into during my brief visit. My only focus right now is seeing for myself that my baby sister is alive and well, and that her son is as perfect as Rhys claims he is.

After a moment, the door swung open and I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Cassian looked at me with surprise before smiling. “I had hoped you were coming.” I smiled back.

“Like I would miss this.” Cassian opened the door further, allowing me to walk in. I glanced around the entryway, smiling slightly at the decorations that were so obviously Feyre, it warmed my heart.

“It’s really good to see you, Y/N. You look good. Real good, actually.” He scratched the back of his neck, starting to look nervous. “I’m sorry, Y/N . For everything.” I started to wave him off, but he cut me off. “You may not want to hear it, but I need to say it. We all swore to protect you, and we have failed in every possible way.” He dropped to his knee with a bowed head, and I stepped back in surprise. “I understand if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive us and the pain we have caused. But I swear to you right here, right now, that I will spend the rest of my days trying to make up for where we lacked, where we caused you the most pain.” His head remained bowed, and I remained silent as I processed what he said, what he was promising.

After a moment, I lowered myself to my knees, and gently grabbed his face so he could meet my eyes. “What’s done is done, Cass. I appreciate what you are saying and where you are coming from, but yours is not the apology I have been waiting for.” I smiled sadly and moved to grab his hands, pulling him to stand with me. “Now. I hope we can have an opportunity while I’m here to talk more, but I’d really like to see my sister right now.”

He tucked my hand into the crook of his elbow. “Their room is down this way. She’ll be thrilled to see you. All she’s been able to talk about is your latest letter, when she’ll be cleared to visit you again… I will warn you to be prepared for Mor to pounce. She and Viviane are close, and she feels incredibly left out that she has yet to be invited to one of your infamous weekly dates.”

“Infamous, you say?” I raised an eyebrow and he smiled.

“You know how she likes to exaggerate everything to make her point. Just smile, nod, apologize that you’ve waited this long but you wanted to take some time to get to know your new friend, and that you’d be thrilled if she could join you on your next date. All will be well after that.”

I chuckled, imagining the conversation with Mor going exactly the way that Cassian described. “Where is Mor, anyways? Everyone in the room with Feyre?”

“They all stepped out to grab various supplies. With the little guy arriving a bit earlier than planned, there were some things missing. They left about an hour ago, so I would imagine they’ll be back soon.” I nodded, but was distracted by the soft voices I could hear at the end of the hall. Cassian smiled at me and knocked. “Sorry for the interruption, but I found someone lurking around the property.” I smacked his arm as I walked past and he laughed.

Walking through the door, I saw Feyre on her bed, holding a little bundle of blankets with Rhys sitting beside her. Her eyes brightened as she and Rhys smiled at me. “ Y/N!” I smiled at Feyre, greeting Rhys as he stood and moved to hug me.

“Thank you for the letter, Rhys. I came as soon as I could.”

“Thank you for coming. I know it means the world to her.” I pulled back and smiled at him.

“How have you been feeling, dad? Sunk in yet that you’ve got a little one of your own?” His answering smile was so bright I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ll check in again in about a week, see if you’re still smiling like this when you no longer sleep through the night.” He pinched my arm, narrowing his eyes.

I turned to Feyre, fighting the tears wanting to break free at seeing my little sister, who fought so hard to be where she’s at, be safe and health with her son. “I am so proud of you, mama.” I kissed her forehead, moving some hair behind her ears before sitting on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling? Rhys shared some of what happened, and I am so sorry I wasn’t here – “

“I’m fine now, Y/N . We’re all fine. Nesta made sure of that.” I wiped away a tear that escaped, reinforcing my mental note to cook Nesta’s favorite meal tonight for dinner. “Do you want to meet your nephew?” I glanced down at the bundle in her arms, catching sight of the dark hair that matched his father’s. Feyre started to extend her arms, and I immediately adjusted so that she could safely transfer her son to me. “They’re tucked in the blanket, but be careful of his wings when you hold him.” Once he was settled in my arms, I did note the slight bump on his back that must be the wings in question, so I adjusted again ever so slightly to make sure they weren’t pinned funny while holding him. “Auntie Y/N, meet Nyx. Nyx, this is your Auntie Y/N. She came a long way to meet you, so I hope you behave for her.”

Almost as if in response, his big blue eyes opened and looked up at me. More tears started to fall as I immediately recognized the Archeron eyes staring back at me. “Hello, sweet boy. It is such a pleasure to meet you.” He began to wiggle and fuss, so I stood so I could sway him back into his nap. I hummed a bit under my breath, falling back on the old routines I had when trying to get one of my sisters to go back to sleep.

Moving to the window, I continued to sway with him. “You know, little one. There was a song I always sang to your mummy whenever she couldn’t sleep, whenever she was upset or fussy. I bet you would enjoy it just as much, yeah?” I heard Feyre gasp, and I turned to look at her with a soft smile. Rhys was sitting next to her and holding her hand as they both watched me as I tried to put their son back to sleep. “I think I know why it was her favorite song back then, seeing where she is today. Maybe this will be your favorite, too, my sweet little Night Prince.”

Come in close, now it’s time to tell a story Long ago and so many years before we Ever were, ever dreamed we even could be There was her and her very first heartbeat

All alone in the corner of the night sky Spiral bones of a supernova starlight Fell in love with another burning bright she Dreamed of a way to ignite she said,

Tonight Come on, come on collide Break me to pieces, I I think you’re just like heaven why

Come on, come on collide Let’s see what a fire feels like I bet it’s just like heaven

I noticed Cassian move out of the doorway, making way for everyone who had been absent to file into the room. Nesta stood in front of Cassian, eyes bright as she watched me sway with Nyx, just as she always watched me as I tried to get our sisters to settle down and rest. Mor moved into the room to sit on the other side of Feyre, sending me a small smile in greeting as she settled in. I tore my gaze away from the door as Elain and Azriel walked in, turning my focus back onto Nyx and pretending I didn’t care that they walked in together and continued to stand with one another.

Such a shame nowhere near, even the near mist light years away From the hope of being sun-kissed anchored home in her interstellar sea but, poor lonely Cassiopeia So she sighs and she burns with desperation Learns to cry over love of constellations Then the spark from a star shooting too close They both smiled what a day to explode, she said

Tonight Come on, come on collide Break me to pieces, I I think you’re just like heaven why

Come on, come on collide Let’s see what a fire feels like I bet it’s just like heaven

Just like heaven Just like heaven

Long ago in a sky built before us A supernova grew up to be stardust

I saw Nesta quickly close her hands over Cassian’s. “He’s back asleep and you want to startle him awake with your applause?” she hissed quietly. He looked sheepish, but shot me a wink.

“If this was Feyre’s favorite, any chance you can share with us what got this little fireball to calm down? Maybe it still works today, yeah?” Nesta elbowed him in the ribs, but I could see the smile she tried to hold back.

“All three had different favorites?” I looked to Mor and smiled.

“Oh, yes. All as different as could be. I could give you every detail about what each of my sisters liked, disliked, dreamed of, list out every tell they had when they’d lie, anything about them.” I glanced at Elain, who looked like she couldn’t even stand the sight of me, before moving back to Cassian. “But we’ll hold that concert off for another time. We’re not here to listen to me singing this sweet prince back to sleep, after all.” I looked down to him with a soft smile. He was beginning to fuss a bit, and I furrowed my brows. I don’t think it was the conversation waking him back up, so I brought a finger up to his mouth, and he blindly tried to latch onto it.

“The curse of being the youngest is that I never once heard Nesta’s song.” I glanced at Feyre with a small smile.

“The curse will sadly have to continue. Nyx is hungry.” His fussing started to worsen, so I walked over to Feyre.

“You’ll have to teach me all the songs you know while you’re here so that I have a library to work with when he gets fussy.” I chuckled along with Rhys.

“I’m sure anything will work, no matter the lyrics. I remember sometimes I’d just sing whatever thoughts came to mind when any of you woke up in the middle of the night.” I heard Mor laugh as she helped Feyre with the cover so she could feed Nyx comfortably with all of us still in the room.

“What was your song, Y/N?” I cleared my throat, trying to keep myself from fidgeting with the hem of my sweater, but my fingers still twitched.

“As far as I know, I didn’t have one. Mother wasn’t the most maternal of people. It’s why I raised us – she didn’t know how to.” It was silent for a moment, so I turned to my bag to try and break up the awkwardness.

“But have no fear, little dove, because I did not come here empty handed.” I pulled out a box and passed it to Rhys so he could open it for her. Feyre’s eyes lit up when she saw what was inside.

“Peach crumble bars? Oh, Y/N, thank you. Rhys can you pass one to me?” Rhys handed one to his mate, and we all watched Feyre take a bite while closing her eyes with a content sigh. “No one makes them like you. Y/N would always get as many peaches as she could while they were in season, then preserved them so she could make these for my birthday. Thank you. Truly.”

I tried to fight the blush crawling up my neck at the praise, but clearly failed. “I have a second box for you in the bag, but I was also hoping you’d let me commandeer your kitchen while I’m here so I can make a bunch of easy finger foods for you. Nyx will be stealing more calories from you than you can try and pack back in, so it’s incredibly important you eat at every possible opportunity. I did this for mother as well, and it was always easier when she was feeding you if she had something small and easy to eat at her side.”

“How long are you able to stay?” I smiled sadly at Feyre, turning back to my bag to get the second box of bars for her to try and lighten the blow.

“Two nights at most, if you can have me both nights.” Feyre looked like she was about to argue, so I quickly hurried on. “I have to get back to work. My bakery was hired to cater a mating ceremony this coming weekend, and the guest list is upwards of 300.” Out of instinct, I glanced at Azriel after mentioning something related to mates, but quickly looked away when I saw the cold look on his face. “My boss wanted me back by tomorrow morning, but his mate convinced him I can stay an extra day. Plus, I can’t leave Fenrir for too long. Viviane was kind enough to let him stay at her stables while I’m gone, but I don’t want to inconvenience them too much.” Mor narrowed her eyes.

“You and Viv have grown quite close, hmm?” I glanced at Cassian and we both bit back our smiles.

“I’m incredibly grateful for everything she’s done to help me settle into my new life. I was actually thinking that it would be lovely if you could come to one of our breakfasts. I had to cancel this coming meal because of the mating ceremony we’re catering, but if you’re free next week, it would be an honor to have you with us.” Mor released the fake glare she had in place as she let a smile take over her features.

“I thought you’d never ask. I’ll let Viv know right away to expect me. And maybe I can extend the stay for a day or two we can spend some time together?”

“I would love nothing more. I have a spare room in my cottage that has your name written all over it.” We smiled at each other, and I mentally started cataloging everything I’d need to do to prepare for guests when Elain spoke up for the first time.

“So you’re really not here to stay? Just going to leave us all over again?”

“Elain,” Feyre hissed with a glare, but I shook my head.

“You know as well as I do, Elain, this isn’t my home. I’m sorry if my departure hurt you, but when I left, you seemed to be doing just fine without me.” I took a deep breath before turning back to the bag of goodies I’ve brough with me. “Before I forget, Feyre, Lucien asked me to pass this along to you for Nyx.” Feyre smiled and before she could say anything, Elain stormed up to the bed.

“Lucien? You speak with Lucien? You think that I stole your mate, so you try and steal mine?” I raised my eyebrow at my sister, rising back to my full height after passing the stuffed fox to Feyre. I was the tallest of the four of us, standing about five inches taller than Elain and I glared down at her.

“Yes, I speak with Lucien. We’re pen pals, actually. I reached out to him asking how he’s doing and if he has any tricks to make the hollowness of your mate not choosing you go away. We’re quite good friends now, and even formed the ‘Rejected by Our Mated Like Fucking Morons’ club. We meet monthly for dinks and a good cry. It’s quite therapeutic, actually. And considering I know for a fact you have yet to make any sort of contact with him, I find it funny you try and claim him as your mate in front of me.” Elain flinched, but I didn’t care. Grabbing the final pastry box from my bag, I shoved it into her hands. “I made your favorite apple pie. Enjoy.”

I turned back to Feyre, feeling a little ashamed as I remembered where we were. “I’m sorry, Feyre. This is no place for that kind of talk. If you can direct me to a place I can set my things down, I can get cleaned up and start on making those goodies for you like I promised.”

Mor stood from the bed and raised a hand out for me to take. “I’ll show you to one of the spare rooms you can use.” I nodded, moving to reach for her and following along. Azriel was close to the door, and I made sure I avoided both physical and eye contact as I walked past him into the hall. “There are a few different guest rooms, but we have all admittedly taken them over so we can all be nearby in case Rhys or Feyre need anything. There’s one left, and if I’m right, I believe Feyre decorated it for you specifically. It also just so happens to be the furthest from Elain’s and Azriel’s rooms, if that’s any consolation for you while you’re here.”

“Thank you, Mor. Any room would have been just fine since I’m not here for very long, anyways.”

“I do wish you could stay longer, but I get it. And I promise you when I visit next week, we will have tons of fun catching up and getting wasted on wine.” I laughed, shaking my head as we entered the room that was supposedly made for me.

“Best be prepared for Winter Vodka instead. Your cousin and I bonded over it when he and Feyre first visited me. Sad that Feyre couldn’t join the fun as she was pregnant, but we’ll get her on the next visit.” More shuddered in response.

“I forgot about their love of vodka. Reminds me that I will pack plenty of wine for us instead. We can have some vodka, but I can’t make a whole night of it.” I chuckled at the dramatics, thinking back to what Cassian mentioned about her love of exaggerating things. “Well, I’ll let you get settled in here. My room is right across the hall, so don’t be a stranger if you need anything!” I smiled in thanks and watched her close the door behind her.

With a sigh, I looked around the room and smiled. Soft purples, blues, and creams covered the space. Dark hardwood floors were covered by an incredibly soft rug, and the blankets and pillows on the large bed matched the curtains that were open to showcase the gorgeous view of the Sidra. The furniture in the room matched the flooring, and I softly caressed the art hanging on the walls, clearly Feyre’s own work. The paintings all held the same blues and purples of the bedding and curtains, feeling like Feyre tried to mirror the tones of the Winter Court for me. I laughed out loud at the painting over the desk: a portrait of me petting Fenrir, which just confirmed Feyre’s designs purposefully matching home.

I set my bag on the bed, putting aside the small packages of scarves and mittens I knitted as a Solstice gift for everyone, and hung up the few clothes I brought with me in the armoire. I also took out the blanket for Nyx. It was almost completed – just waiting for me to stitch his name into the material. I planned on finishing it once I retired for the evening so that I could pass it along to him in the morning. Having everything unpacked, I freshened up in the washroom before making my way to the kitchen to focus on the main task I’ve set for myself while here.

Nuala and Cerridwen were in the kitchen and were more than happy to show me where everything lived within the cabinets. Once I was comfortable with knowing what was in stock, I asked the twins if they would be able to run to the market to pick up a few ingredients I needed both for tonight’s dinner, as well as everything I planned to make for Feyre. They nodded without question and vanished into the shadows.

I was able to start preparing the first part of tonight’s meal, so I pulled out some flour and other ingredients so that I could start making a pastry dough. As I kneaded everything together, I felt someone else was in the room with me. Looking up, I saw Nesta and smiled.

“I hope beef wellington is still your favorite. I know you’re not a fan of sweets, so I’m sorry for not having anything pre-made for you like I did the others. But hopefully I can make it up to you with your favorite meal to celebrate your fancy new title, Ms. Valkyrie.” I kept my smile up as she entered the room, sitting on a stool at the counter across from me.

“Are you sure it’s not also to honor what I did for Feyre? That’s all everyone seems to want to celebrate.” I dropped my smile, but kept my eyes on her.

“I’m not everyone else, am I? I know that was you did was as traumatizing for you as it was Feyre and Rhys, and that you still haven’t fully processed it yet. So why would I push those reminders on you when you yourself are not ready to talk about it?”

She remained quiet, so I continued to work the pastry to give her time to get her thoughts in order. “Yes, beef wellington is still my favorite. Elain tried making it soon after you left, but quite honestly, it was disgusting. Soggiest thing I’ve ever eaten.” I snorted at Nesta’s ‘high and mighty’ tone.

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. But I’m more than happy to make this for you tonight.” She watched me as I worked, and I know she came into the kitchen to talk to me about something, but I could wait until she was ready. That’s the thing about Nesta: trying to push her into doing something, even if it was something she already started, results in her backing off and never touching it again. So that’s how we sat for a while: Nesta sorting through her thoughts while I worked through preparations for tonight.

“Cassian asked me to speak to you about the Shadowsinger.” I briefly paused my work, but kept my eyes down.

“And what did he ask you to talk about?” I watched her shrug as she picked her nails.

“He wants me to ask you to give him a chance. To at least talk to him. But I told him to fuck right off with that because why should I ask you to talk to Azriel when everyone was more than okay with Elain treating Lucien like actual trash? Yes, I acknowledge I was in favor of it in the beginning, but I admit he’s been nothing but respectful of Elain’s wished and I respect him for that. Especially now that I know what the bond feels like. So I told Cassian the only way I would force you to talk to Azriel is if everyone else will force Elain to talk to Lucien.” She was quiet, so I looked up.

“I’m guessing he shut up real fast about this request, then.” She nodded, moving her gaze from her nails to me. “Thank you. For being on my side.” We stayed quiet, each thinking about what to say next. During this time, the twins had arrived from the market with everything I asked for. Sensing the slight tension in the air, they sat everything on the counter before quickly making their departure.

I sorted through everything the twins brought, separating out what I needed tonight from what I would be using tomorrow, and I thought about what it was like growing up with my sisters. Nesta and I have never been open with one another, or anyone else for that matter, so I’m wondering if this is her way to extend the olive branch, give me the opportunity to talk to her like a sister. Taking a deep breath, I took the dive.

“I am happy for you and Feyre, you know. Finding someone who would go to the ends of the world for you. Someone who picks you over everything else, every time. Everyone deserves to be cared for like that. I hoped maybe to find that here, but your mate’s brother made it clear he would never pick me. And I am trying to live with that. But it’s almost impossible. Especially knowing he knew better than any of us that no one gets a second mate, yet he chose to believe the lie that Elain was his instead of me.” I turned back to the stovetop, moving forward with dinner, but continued talking in hopes it would be easier to talk to her without risking looking at her.

“When I first got to the Winter Court, Viv and Kallias were there at the border to greet me. They took me to their home and we had tea. They were asking pretty normal questions, trying to get to know me. But it was made clear I had nothing for myself. Viv asked me what I enjoyed doing, and every answer I came up with involved you three. ‘Oh, I would check in with the local bookstores to see if there was anything new Nesta could enjoy. I sharpened Feyre’s weapons when she wasn’t using them for more successful hunts. I looked for seeds for Elain’s garden.’ Not a single answer was about what I enjoyed doing, which made it clear that my sisters were my only personality trait. For 25 years, my whole life revolved around raising and caring for you that I was never allowed to figure out who I was. And it got me thinking: why would anyone choose someone like that?”

“ Y/N…”

“No, Nes. Tell me. Would you have accepted Cassian if he wasn’t so sure of who he is as a person? If he wasn’t so confident in every aspect that makes him so uniquely Cass? So why would I expect anyone to choose me, when I was so broken beyond repair and didn’t even know myself? Does recognizing that make the agonizing pit in my chest disappear? Absolutely not. I considered talking to Rhys, considering Feyre was with Tamlin when their bond snapped. But it was never quite the same – Feyre had no idea the bond was there. Instead, I chose to start writing to Lucien. He’s the only one who understands exactly what I’m feeling.”

“So you created a club and get wildly drunk once a month.” I chuckled.

“After the first time we met up, Viv and Kallias decided one of them needed to chaperone us whenever the alcohol came out. We got so drunk in the tavern the first night I couldn’t stop sobbing. I wasn’t kidding when I said we meet up to drink and cry. I may have cried more these past months than I have my entire life, but doing it with Lucien in one fell swoop every once in a while makes it easier. I don’t have to carry it with me on a daily basis, trying to hold anything back. We meet up, let it out, and then we can breathe again for a while. Maybe it’s not the best way to cope, but unfortunately we don’t know anyone else who’d been rejected by their mate, so we can’t get additional feedback on how to move on.”

“It’s not fair, Y/N. You deserve happiness just as much as the rest of us, if not more than us.”

“It’s not a competition, Nesta. And it’s not up to us to decide how others act. Everything happened the way it did, and that sucks. But I can’t change it. All I can do is figure things out for myself, one day at a time. So that’s what I’m going to do. Some days are so hard that I can’t even get out of bed. Some days feel easy in that I can smile and laugh at work, but then I come home to an empty house, and it feels like my imagination slaps me in the face with what I could have had but was never given the opportunity to even try.”

“It sounds to me like you only have bad days with a splash of good.” I smiled sadly as I finished up dinner, moving to put everything on serving platters to bring to the dining room.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever have a truly good day. Not for a long time, at least. And as Fae now, all we have is time.” Seeing that everything is ready to be moved, I turned back to Nesta. “We can talk more later if you’d like, but can you tell everyone that dinner is ready? I’ll start moving everything to the dining rom.” Nesta grabbed the bowl with the glazed carrots and platter of asparagus as I brought the whipped potatoes, and she set off to find everyone else once we placed them on the table. By the time I returned with the main dish, everyone was settling into chairs.

Feyre sat at an end of the table with Nyx, and Nesta kept a seat open between the two of them for me. “In honor of our fierce Nesta making the Blood Rite her bitch, I dedicate tonight’s meal to her.” There was a chorus of cheers (mainly from Cassian) supporting the little dedication and I smiled as I placed the platter in the center of the table. “I hope you all enjoy.”

Mor who is seated across from me, reached across the table to fill my glass with wine. “Everything smells delicious, Y/N. Thank you for cooking for us all tonight.”

“It’s nice cooking for a crowd. Though, I hope this is enough for everyone…” I trailed off, looking over everything on the table and starting to doubt if this would be enough to feed the Illyrian general, let alone a whole family. Feyre immediately placed her hand over my own with a smile.

“This is more than enough. Thank you for doing all of this. I’m sure Nesta especially appreciates it.” Nesta was already carving through the beef, placing portions on the plates of those around her, my own included.

“It looks cooked to perfection, though I expected nothing less from you.” I smiled in thanks, wondering if Nesta was making a jab at Elain after hearing about her failed attempt at making this, and began to fill my plate with other side dishes. Plates were passed along as everyone picked up whatever conversations they were having before Nesta summoned them to dinner.

Azriel was sitting next to Mor, which meant he was in my peripheral vision as I passed dishes along. I paused, wondering if him eating this would mean the bond is accepted, and I felt myself panicking a bit. I certainly haven’t forgiven him for what I’ve gone through, and would he even want to accept the bond given his own feelings for Elain?

Before I could spiral further, I felt a familiar talon brush against my mind.

You look as though you’ve stopped breathing. Are you alright? I glanced up at Rhys, noticing the slight furrow between his brows.

If Azriel eats this, does this mean the bond is accepted? I didn’t even think about that when I was cooking – Rhys interrupted me, face relaxing as he began to understand my concerns.

As you’ve made this for everyone, this has nothing to do with the bond. It only matters if you make and deliver something for him and only him. I understand how that can be a little tricky, but you can rest assured that nothing is being decided with the bond because you made a fabulous family dinner. I smiled at him, hoping my gratitude was clear in my expression and he nodded.

Feeling more comfortable knowing that I didn’t make some sort of mistake, I glanced around the table only to catch Azriel’s eye. His face was a neutral mask, but I know the spymaster didn’t miss the fact that Rhys and I were having a private conversation. I stared back, almost as if challenging him to voice his questions out loud. Before we could see who would win this particular battle of wills, Feyre gasped and grabbed my hand yet again.

“It’s almost your birthday!” I looked at her in confusion as we’ve never done anything for my birthday.

“Yes, and I believe you all will be receiving invitations from Viviane soon. The moment she realized it was going to be my 30th, she began planning a party almost immediately. I can’t even imagine what she has in store… Weekly meals are a huge ordeal to her, so I can only imagine what she’ll do with a milestone celebration like this.” Mor started to squeal in excitement at the thought of a party as other chimed in either bits of agreement to Viviane’s wild planning or just general excitement, but that didn’t cover the scoff I heard on the other side of Cassian.

“We all know you’re 28, so I don’t know why you haven’t corrected the Lady of Winter so that she doesn’t feel embarrassed for trying to celebrate a milestone that you haven’t reached yet.” The table was quiet, and I felt myself grow more frustrated than confused.

“You think I’m still 28? Elain. I left Velaris almost a year ago. Surely I would have had a birthday between then and now, making me 29 today.” I leaned forward so that I could look around Nesta and Cassian to look at her directly. “But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised seeing as you never knew when my birthday was in the first place.” I felt Nesta stiffen beside me, though I fought the urge to grab her hand as if I wanted to comfort her. But just because we started opening up doesn’t mean the years of problems we’ve had are suddenly resolved. She never acknowledged my birthday, either. So instead of grabbing her hand, I moved to eat some of my meal.

“Of course I know when your birthday is, Y/N. Don’t be stupid.” I watched out of the corner of my eye as she angrily stabbed a carrot, but never moved to put it in her mouth.

“So enlighten us, Elain. When is your oldest sister’s birthday?” I glanced between Mor and Amren, immediately getting the sense that they’ve been an enemy of Elain since I left. I appreciated the thought of them being in my corner. I also noticed that Azriel didn’t look like he was going to step in any time soon to defend Elain like he was always so quick to last year. If anything, he looked curious for the answer.

Looking back at Elain, I found her watching Azriel as if she still expected him to help her. That’s when I realized she had no intention of providing an answer. “Just admit you don’t know, Elain. It’s frustrating, but I’ll get over it. Just like I’ve gotten over it for every other birthday.” I watched her grip her fork, and I shook my head.

“What about you, girl? You’ve been awfully quiet.” Amren was watching Nesta, and she cleared her throat.

“Eleven months ago. She’ll turn 30 in a few weeks.” I looked to Nesta but didn’t say anything. I shouldn’t be surprised she knew and didn’t say anything as that is the Nesta trademark, but there was still that sting of disappointment. Amren turned her attention to Feyre.

“And you? Do you know?” Feyre nodded, a sad look in her eye.

“I remember asking Y/N when I was around 9 when her birthday was. I figured she hated her birthday as much as I hated mine, and that’s why we didn’t celebrate it. Since I assumed she never wanted to make a big deal out of it, I would give her a hug on her birthday, a silent wish for another good year. None of us ever asked how she wanted to celebrate...” Amren nodded.

“At least you did something –“

“I remember.” We all looked at Cassian in confusion. “I remember seeing Feyre hug you the night you left. It was after dinner, and I called you both to join us in the living room.” He looked up at me, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Cassian look so sad. “None of us knew, or did anything to celebrate. And then you were gone.”

The room was quiet, and I looked back down to my plate. I had barely eaten any of it, and I felt guilty Nesta’s celebration dinner turned to this. No longer having a desire to finish with everyone, I stood with my plate and the intention of finishing my food in my rom. “I think I’m going to head to bed for the evening. Nes, I am really proud of everything you’ve done and accomplished. I’m sorry the conversation ran away from that, but I don’t want you to think otherwise.” I kissed the crown of her head, then Feyre’s cheek, before moving towards the safety of my room.

As I approached the hall, fully ready for the night to be over, I heard Elain call out from somewhere much closer behind me than I thought. “I’m not done speaking to you, Y/N!” I sighed, closing my eyes, but knew something like this would have happened at some point during my visit. I selfishly hoped it would have happened closer to the end of my trip so I could run away and hide, but I suppose the Cauldron has other plans.

“What more could you possibly have to say, Elain?” I turned to look at her. She stood at the other end of the hallway, and I noticed a few heads starting to poke around the dining room entrance to watch. “You’ve made it abundantly clear you know nothing about me, that we all suck at being sisters, and that we’re essentially allergic to communication. What else is there?”

Her brows furrowed, but she didn’t make a move to come any closer to me. “You left.” I stared, not entirely sure how to respond.

“Yes, I did. That’s not entirely news, though, Elain.”

“You left me. You’ve always taken care of me, and you left me. Why would you do that when you know we need you?” I placed my plate on a hall table that sat between a couple of bedroom doors as I got the sense I shouldn’t have any sort of projectile in my hands for this.

“You’re an adult, Elain. I shouldn’t have to keep taking care of you.” I felt my eye twitch, but decided to just let go of everything I’ve bottled up. “And yes. I took care of all three of you because Mother and Father wouldn’t. I had to pick up the slack of their own selfish desires and I became a mother at five years old. Because that’s what I became, Elain. I wasn’t your sister. I was your mother. Do any of you remember calling me mommy instead of Y/N? All three of you did that, and I had to correct you time and time again.” I looked away at Elain and back towards everyone who was no longer hiding in the doorway and stood completely in the open. “I didn’t have a childhood like you three did. I didn’t have the luxury of having someone take care of me like you three did. I was always the one doing everything for everyone and I am just so tired of it all, Elain. I am tired of being forgotten, of being taken advantage of, of not being the person that someone wants. I am tired of simply being the sister who took care of it all. For the first time in my life, I chose me.”

Elain was crying, but I could see the anger warring with sadness in her eyes. “You never said anything to us –“

“We never said anything to each other about anything!” I laughed. “Quite frankly, I think we’re all some of the worst sisters that exist. There’s no genuine interaction, there’s no support. Everything is always so one-sided with all of us, always expecting something in return. How could I possibly open up to any of you knowing that not a single thing would change?”

I watched as Elain’s shoulders drop, but she nodded. “You’re right. We are all selfish. So stay so we can work this out. Learn how to be sisters. Please.” I looked at her big eyes and if she were talking to Y/N from last year, that Y/N would have caved in a heartbeat.

“Sisters can happily exist without living in the same house, in the same city. Velaris isn’t my home, and I love the life I’ve built for myself in Winter. You talk about wanting to build relationships with one another. Then how about instead of asking me to leave the life I chose, you ask me what it’s like in Winter? What do I enjoy doing in my new home? What are my friends like? Can you come visit? That’s how you build relationships, Elain. Asking questions, getting to know the person standing in front of you instead of hoping that living under the same roof again will magically fix any issues you have.” I glanced back at my door behind me. “Hang on.”

I turned and ran into the room, quickly grabbing my Solstice gifts for everyone. Coming back into the hall, I walked towards Elain, and handed her the package with her name on it. “Happy belated Solstice.” I walked past her to everyone else, tossing the appropriate packages to everyone. Now standing between the group and Elain, I looked among everyone. “Once I got settled into my house, I took up knitting. I couldn’t finish these in time for everyone to send them all together at once for Solstice, so figured a later gift is better than nothing. They’re not anything special, but they’re things that I made for each of you.” I watched as everyone opened the packages, finding the scarves and gloves that are paired up. “At the time I made these, I wasn’t all that great yet, so the patterns aren’t intricate. And honestly, all of them are the same except for the colors. So if you want to trade or whatever, no hard feelings.” I turned to Elain. “But that’s how you start to get to know someone, Elain. You talk about their hobbies, their likes and dislikes. You share things with them, you don’t make demands of them. You accept them for who they are and don’t try and change them.” Elain was looking down at the blush pink set in her hands, but I watched her give a small nod.

“What’s your favorite thing to knit?” She looked up at me, almost nervously, as I grabbed my plate from the hall table. I nodded my head towards my door.

“You can join me while I finish up a gift I’ve been knitting for Nyx.” She looked between me and my plate briefly.

“Can I bring my plate in, too?” I nodded, giving a small smile.

“Of course.”

________________

I woke up that morning to find Elain still fast asleep on the other half of my bed. We stayed up well into the night talking. While it was occasionally tense and primarily awkward, we did end the evening feeling better than when it started. Similar to how I felt after talking with Nesta, I know everything isn’t magically fixed. There are a lot of problems we still need to sort through, but at least there’s some starting ground for us.

I silently moved around the room, getting ready for my day in the kitchen. I mentally planned out what I was going to work on as I left the room with Nyx’s blanket in arms, closing the door quietly behind me so Elain could continue resting. Passing Rhys and Feyre’s room on my way to the kitchen, I set the blanket against their door. Content that the embroidered “Nyx” was in clear view with the way I folded the blanket, I walked off with a smile on my face.

The kitchen was empty when I entered, and I took a deep breath in. The space was beautifully done with endless counterspace, so I could work on multiple things at once and not feel constricted. First thing’s first, I lit up the oven so that it would be hot and ready for me as things were ready to be baked. Looking around at everything else, I got to work in getting the various crackers, cookies, breads, and preserves ready to go.

Breakfast wasn’t that big of a meal that the family shared together, so throughout the morning, folks popped in at various times to grab a bite to eat on their own time. Elain came down about an hour after I started, almost shy in approaching the kitchen before mentioning she was going to spend the morning in the garden. Cass and Nesta followed in a little while after Elain, clearly finishing some training. I stayed out of Cassian’s way as he made a quick breakfast of eggs and toast for him and Nesta.

“I don’t know how long you’ve been up and working, but I made enough for you to have a small plate yourself, Y/N.” I smiled in thanks to Cassian before doing a double-take at the plate in question.

“This is a small plate?” The food in question rivaled what Cassian had piled onto his own dish and he laughed.

“Hell no. Yours is on the counter next to the stove. That’s Azriel’s. He’s finishing up with some of his students and will be in soon.” I fought to hold any reaction in check as I nodded in understanding.

“Thanks again for the food, Cassian. I’ll be sure to let him know that’s his.” He nodded and followed Nesta out into the dining room. I overheard Nesta hiss something about him being too pushy, but couldn’t hear his response.

By this point, I had plenty of items ready to be transferred to baking sheets and into the oven. I popped a few trays in and turned to the plate of food Cassian made. Simple eggs and toast, but it was especially delicious since I didn’t need to make it myself.

About halfway through my eggs, I noticed some shadows growing in the corner of the kitchen, and that was the only warning I had before Azriel appeared in the kitchen. I tried to look away, but post-exercise Azriel was a sight I had forgotten I missed. Tanned skin flushed from exertion and hair messy from constantly pushing it back out of his eyes. My traitorous little brain was disappointed he had put a shirt on before entering the house. Forcing my gaze back to my plate was my punishment for letting those thoughts slip through.

I felt more than saw him pause in the kitchen when he realized I was in here as well. I watched the shadows in the corner move back to him, almost as if he were trying to hide behind them. I had heard stories of him doing that, and I snorted at the thought of him wanting to hide from me.

I nodded my head toward the plate on the counter. “Cass says that’s yours.” I turned back to my own plate, taking a bite of my toast. He hesitated a moment before slowly moving to the counter. He rested his hands on the side of the plate, tapping his fingers lightly as if in thought.

“Do you mind if I join you?” I looked back at him, taking note of his expressions. His face looked calm, but the shadows racing around his upper body told a different story. I shrugged in response.

“This is your kitchen as much as it’s mine.” I turned away to take a look at the baking sheets in the oven. With the crackers being a thinner crust, they bake quickly but could burn without a moment’s notice. I gently pressed a couple of them, noting they could use another couple of minutes.

“I’d disagree there. Already you’ve used it more than most of us combined.” I thought about Nuala and Cerridwen, understanding that no one uses the kitchen when they’re here.

Silence enveloped us as I went between finishing my breakfast and checking to make sure the crackers aren’t burning. When I finished eating, I set up a few different cooling racks on the counter next to the oven, getting everything ready to get crackers off the hot sheets as quickly as possible.

Glancing back at him, I noticed he didn’t put anything on his toast. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Risking the wrath of the oven, I passed him blackberry jam I made earlier this week. “I refuse to see anyone with bare toast.” I didn’t wait to see if he did anything with it as I turned away to get back to work.

We continued on in silence – him eating while I got the next batch of crackers in the oven. If it weren’t for my wild imagination coming up with countless scenarios of this not going well in any capacity, this could have been comfortable. I forced myself to control my breathing and focus on what my hands were doing.

“Are these recipes something you learned recently, or something you learned in the human realm?” I jumped slightly, having not expected a comment.

“I suppose you could say it’s a combination. I learned the basic recipe years ago but made some adjustments with Prythian ingredients. Most of my old recipes have followed that same path.” I felt him watching me as I took out the second batch of crackers.

Some on the end of a sheet started to burn, and I frowned at them. I broke off the burnt end of one of them and ate the rest of it. I smiled slightly at the taste, grateful that rosemary was an herb common on this side of the wall. I put the last batch of crackers on sheets and put them in the oven. I turned back around, pulling up my mental recipes for Feyre’s favorite cookies. I worked through getting everything ready, hoping the cookie dough would be ready around the same time as the crackers coming out of the oven so I could steal back the sheets.

“I’m glad you were able to come.” I bit the inside of my cheek, not entirely sure where his comments have been coming from.

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Feyre is important to me, and now Nyx is a new kind of important to me.” He nodded, but I watched as he slid his fingers through his hair, almost as if frustrated.

“I’m sorry.” I almost dropped what I was holding as I spun to look at him. His eyes were wide, almost as if he didn’t think the words were going to slip out.

“Excuse me?” I watched him take a breath, almost as if accepting that this conversation is happening, if it’s not how he imagined it starting.

“I’m sorry. For everything. For hurting you. For making you think you couldn’t stay here. For causing you to leave your sisters.” His eyes were sad, but I felt the fire burning in mine.

“You’re sorry? Really?” I dropped the baking sheet on the counter, no longer paying attention to what I should be doing. “Let’s get one thing straight here, Azriel. You didn’t make me do anything. I chose to leave for me and my own well-being, and nothing else. You may have been a factor in my decision, but you were not the cause.” I started pacing, feeling a bunch of pent-up energy randomly flowing into my system.

“I have been doing a lot of self-reflection since I left, and I’ve gotta say, Azriel: I deserve significantly more than a lame-ass ‘sorry’ for the pain and hurt that you’ve been putting me through. Do you have any idea what it’s like for me? To not be good enough for the one person who was supposed to accept me for everything that I am? To not even be good enough to be an afterthought? You made your decision, and I know that I cannot control the actions and choices of others, no matter how badly I wish otherwise. But you chose Elain. I may never be okay with that, but I can accept that. And I am working on accepting that. I don’t know what other kind of reaction you could expect from me right now, or what else you want from me, but I can’t give you whatever it is you’re looking for. Forgiveness? I’m not ready for that. Understanding and happiness for making the choice you did? I have not felt happiness at all since becoming fae, so that one is never going to happen.” I felt the tears build behind my eyes as I looked him over. His hazel eyes were bright with his own unshed tears.

“I didn’t choose Elain.”

“How can you say you didn’t choose Elain when you actively chose to believe the bond snapped with her instead of me?”

“I knew what to expect with her: that I couldn’t have anything. I never believed I was worthy of a mate considering everything I’ve done in my life, and some twisted part of my brain believed that it clicked with Elain as further proof that I couldn’t have anything good in my life, that I would never be enough.” I stared at him like he grew a second head.

“That is quite literally the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life.”

“Stupid it may be, but it was the safest and easiest route.” My glare hardened.

“Fuck you. You’re going to sit there and say to my face, to your mate’s face, that you would rather live alone, that you would rather condemn me to a life of utter loneliness, because it’s easier for you? No. I don’t accept that. I refuse to accept that.” I noticed something in his eyes shift. “You don’t accept that either, do you?” I walked around the counter so I could stand face-to-face with him. I noticed the bob of his Adam’s apple and I wanted to punch him. “For a Spymaster, you’re a shitty liar. What, is this your way of punishing yourself? Push me away, make me hate you? To what end? What’s your goal here, Azriel?” He remained silent as he looked at me. “Don’t think I didn’t notice those questions you asked while you were eating. Did what I say to Elain last night about taking time to get to know someone resonate with you? Did you decide after a couple of questions that getting to know me as a person wasn’t ‘safe and easy’ anymore?”

“That’s not true.” I could start pulling my own hair out with the way this conversation was going.

“Then tell me what is true! Honesty shouldn’t be this hard!”

“The truth? Fine. The truth is that I think you’re the most magnificent creature on this planet. You are beautiful, you are kind, you are fierce, and you take care of what is yours, to name a few truths.” I stared at him for a moment, trying to wrap my head around the hurricane this morning has been.

“Here’s a truth for you: I don’t appreciate when others decide for me if they are worthy of me taking care of them or not. If they are worthy of my time or not.” I turned to look around the kitchen, at everything I still wanted to get done before I left tomorrow and suddenly felt exhausted. “Here’s another truth. I’m not willing to forgive you. But I am willing to get to know you. The way we should have gotten to know each other when the bond first snapped into place.” I moved back to where I was working before, picking up the previously forgotten baking sheet and placed it in the oven. “I have a lot I need to get done before I leave tomorrow morning. If you’re willing to ditch ‘safe and easy’ and actually get to know me the way it looked like you wanted to earlier, I’m willing to have another pen pal.”

One of the shadows he kept close to himself escaped, moving towards me almost as if celebrating. Feeling the shadow was like a cool breeze flowing around the kitchen. Before he could call it back to his collection, I raised a hand, allowing the shadow to weave between my fingers and I couldn’t hold back the small smile. I glanced up, watching him watch me. “It would be an absolute honor to be your pen pal.”

[throwaway-yandere]

List of Yan!Idol Event Producers/Assistants:

This will be frequently updated! I'm not posting all anons at once, but I'll spoil the first five who guaranteed a spot: 🕯️ anon, bao bei anon, 🐠 anon, 🕊️ anon, and 🦊 anon!

Producer Lumine: if you sent your request on my inbox and NOT the google forms link as instructed in the guidelines, I'll ignore it. I'm sorry, but Madam Alice will literally blow me up if we hired you without going through her "interview" process.

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Dandelion anon: "I'd like to think that my strengths come from my ability to read the room and consider the feelings of everyone whilst still using logic (and not letting it cloud me, so you can call me balanced?). I've been told that I naturally exude a comforting aura and it makes others feel safe around me! I am also quite affectionate and loves to dote on those I love. As for weaknesses, I tend to find more stability in planning, so I may lack a bit in the spontaneity department (but I'd be willing to be more spontaneous with someone who brings out that side of me). I also tend to give advices to others, but struggle to practice them myself at times T-T"

Lumine's notes: "smarter than average, plays a sport/knows martial arts, fond of cleaning". Alright then, you're Heizou's producer. Can't say you can get used to his "spontaneity" quickly... I'm sorry for that.

"Esther" anon: I like jazz music. I dont like rap, but i can appreciate a good melody. I especially like rock, rnb and some pop, specifically the ones with angsty breakup songs as the main point. I like to draw, especially the eyes and the hands. You’d be surprised how much personality is in those. Dont give me that look. I dont have a fetish. I really, really like the sun. I dont like cold weather. But i have this…thing where i drink the coffee in the afternoon, and eat popsicles when it rains. It gives off that…synergy, y’know. Also hot soups best meal ever. Mushroom soup beloved like HHHHH

Lumine's notes: "nosy, likes angst, does theater/spoken word" Hmm... I think you'd do fine with Mister Alberich... I think he'd be quite fond of you.

🕊️ anon: My main personality traits are that I am loud, bubbly, enthusiastic, energetic, easygoing and very kind! My friends always praise my intuition and are always amazed at how I am able to tell what they're feeling - they can never fool me! For my worst personality traits I'd definitely say that I'm really lazy and leave everything in the last minute and that I can get really sensitive sometimes. I'm also very self conscious of how I look which isn't good because I always end up downplaying myself in one way or the other. I can also be VERY scatterbrained, no seriously, it's amazing and kind of pathetic at how easily I forget things... I love history, mythologies and fairy tales, reading manga and watching anime, being with friends!!

Lumine's notes: "well put-together, into soft yanderes, laughs a lot, 'nosy'," amongst other things– *sigh* why am I even evaluating this? This is Diluc's producer.

Snailnom: I may have issues with vulnerability, empathy, and may be extremely touchy, but I'm the best person to be around when you're feeling down. I'll give great distractions and I'm always willing to talk! I'm just fantastic! And that's not the ego talking since I am also the most humble person ever! I am literally perfect! In everyway. I put my all into everything I care about! Which is.. unfortunately, not much outside of friendships. I have bits of trust issues, but that’s not a problem, since you can trust me! Totally! I am your friend and DEFINITELY not an enabler first, friend second. I would do petty crimes with you! I would go wild! I will eat a grape off the floor! Go apeshit! Do no harm!! I'm also a cheapskate, I'd prefer gifts you'd find down the street: like a piece of shiny glass, a smooth rock, a blade of grass, literally anything but something that could cause money! But uhoh! That might have been a lie! Not a complete one though, never those, after all.. The best lies have bits of truth in it! I do like gifts you'd find on the street, but I do like things you spend money on. Ehehehehehehe~ I am both cautious and reckless. I will jump headfirst off a (reasonable) height with no hesitation while be too scared to go down a crowded road by myself. Speaking of doing things by myself, I don't like doing that, and would love to do things with a friend if possible. I love the simple things... Like world domination and trying to eat an entire bag of fries in a few seconds. Ah, the good life is my life.

Lumine's notes: Pfft– haha! I don't even wanna read the rest. I just wanna see you produce Itto. (ps: you definitely got this job because of your energy. Even your other answers solidified it. This is fate–)

Fox: Strengths - Patient, persistent, responsible, witty, loyal and kind Weaknesses - Cautious, sensitive, very serious, low confidence/self worth and indecisive. Interests - gaming, drawing, thought proving exchanges with friends, watching youtube videos, travelling, and eating good food. First appearances: I’m probably one of the most god awkward and reserved people you will ever meet. I will give close answers and forgot how to function out of shock. Despite a million thoughts going on in my brain. But aside from that I’m a pretty chill person from what my friends tell me and can be mysterious, unpredictable at times. Have a huge sweet tooth for sweets and snacks an awful lot. My mind is logical but chaotic at the same time wanting to multitask through 5 other things trying to be efficient as possible. But even then mid way I probably get distracted by something else not even related to the tasks I was doing in the first place.

Lumine's note: I hesitated on whether or not Mister Kamisato gets with Fox because they're compatible or with Producer Hundred for the chaos... But there's just no way I'm robbing Mister Kamisato a chance of a great work partner given how overworked he is. Fox's a smart person, I think Ayato would grow fond of them in due time. He does have a thing for dogs, after all...

=============

mei ✾: i'm creative but also logical. normally very easygoing but serious about my job. i have a lot of love to give! i tend to express my love with physical touch and quality time. i dislike confrontations and will try to avoid it at all costs. i'm shy and find it difficult to talk with strangers (although i do a 180 once i'm comfortable with someone) i'm bad at keeping up communications because 1) i always feel that i'm bothering people or 2) some days i just don't have the energy for it. i struggle a lot with body image especially for myself. - taste in music: i love everything tbh! from pop to kpop to country to cpop to game osts, as long as i like how it sounds, i add it to my playlist haha

Alhaitham's voicemail: "I hired them because they have a neat handwriting. That's all. What? "I don't believe you"...? F-Fine. I hired them because I knew them from before. They're incredibly smart, logical, great at math, and a realist. That's all you need to know."

Solitary anon: My strengths? Probably communications and creativity. I've met loads of people in the past so I'm able to adjust myself to everyone around me. I like to create a balance and it often results with me being the 'trustworthy' or 'reliable' friend. But as I get more comfortable around people, I get a bit more talkative and my humour starts to shine through, My weaknesses is probably the fact that I adjust myself to everyone around me (its a strength and a weakness). I have the constant need to be perfect, to be liked, and I know it's damn impossible to be like that - but I still try. So I end up being pushed over easily and social gatherings exhaust me (as much as I like them,) I really like to write and do art! It's one of my outlets and I've been enjoying it ever since I was younger. I write my own novels aside from fanfiction and I even drew comics! I'm pretty smart but too lazy to study much (unless I like it). My absolute favorite color is blue (im like a moth and blue is my light). I love to game and I also like to listen to music. My style is dark academia and Idk what more to say?

Cyno's voicemail: "Tighnari, I met someone who can understand me. They like dogs. Hmm? Oh. They also like dark academia, tabletop games, a realist-- You're not interested?... Understood."

Bakery anon: "I’m a bit of a bookworm (I own atleast 14 poetry books and..more other books) however I also am quite fond of baking! Though aside from that I’m described as motherly and loyal by my friends."

Dottore's coffee-table book record: "Smart and creative. A perfectly fine mindset, can certainly handle others, a creative– an asset that can be used as a clean-up slave... Hmm, this specimen will prove to be most useful."

[jayniks]

Masterlist.

Before request.

»»————-　★　————-««

Word count: 0.5k

Warnings: yandere sunoo, stalker sunoo, obsession, allusions to de4th and dism3mberment, I do not support this type of behavior and I do not say that the idols involved are like that, it is only fiction.

Synopsis: only 2 types of pov of the same situation.

You were arriving at the classroom like every morning, 7 minutes before class starts, what a curious number don't you think? anyway, you were sitting across from me but your hair smelled different this time, I love that you use a new shampoo for more variety, you know it suits you perfectly.

It was a boring class so you decided to turn around to talk to me so I could "let you borrow a pencil", you know you don't have to create an excuse to talk to me right? I like to talk to you no matter what.

At lunch you sat in front of me as usual, you just want to show me off your food, do you find it funny? You talked about your weekend like I didn't know what you did, you're such an idiot.

Unfortunately, being at school doesn't last long because I have to work and it's the most boring thing in the world, but here you are, visiting me while you order your favorite coffee, obviously I already had it ready, you're so predictable. Although this time it was different, why did you order two coffees? I like spending time with you eating but you don't have to make me work harder making you another one.

After I got off work, I saw you with a guy, is it serious jagi? I didn't think you were that kind of person. Even when you kissed him, you look beautiful, that's so unfair. I swear I'll be a better man, starting now.

I sent you a gift, honey, I hope you like it and forget that person ♡

Yesterday was a nice day, I spent a nice afternoon with my boyfriend Heeseung, he let me sleep on his house for the first time! His scent stuck with me. I told him I'd meet him after class. I arrived 7 minutes early as usual.

Once the class started, I realized that I left my pencil case at home, so I turned to ask my classmate in the back to lend me one, I swear that this time I will return it to him.

Classes passed quickly and lunch finally arrived, but I realized that there are no free seats, so I had to sit at a table where some of my classmates were. I told them what I did over the weekend but avoiding talking about Heeseung because I feel like I'm not very close to tthem

The school day came to an end, so I went out with my dear boyfriend for a walk. We stopped by a nearby cafe that I used to frequent so I suggested we buy a few coffees as we walked around the park, but he said he'd wait outside. Once a guy gave me the coffees I gave one to my boyfriend and kissed him to convince him to leave quickly because it was so cold.

It's been 2 hours and I haven't seen my boyfriend since he said he was going out to get something to eat. Someone has knocked on the door, I wonder if Hee is back. In the end it was just a package.

Since Seungie doesn't want to come back, I'll have to open it by myself hehe

Oh no.

Oh no...

IS-IS MY BOYFRIEND?!

[yesimwriting]

The Needs of Pain

A/n as promised,,, here is my gift to you bc I finished ap gov today :))

The darkling x heartrender!reader story based on the whole ‘no one but me can hurt you’ thing :))

Warnings: sexual innuendos,, attempts to sexualize pain if you squint, kinda lemon-y

I kinda want to write a smutty part 2 let’s see lol 

Summary: after a training injury, Kirigan reveals how he views the dynamic of your relationship and figures out how to best help you work through the pian 

--

In an odd way, the most painful part of my injury had been the wound on my pride, not my shoulder. Though the pain that begins beneath my collarbone and continues down my left shoulder is not exactly pleasant. I can’t bring myself to pity myself too much as I stare at the extent of my burns. There’s a war going on. People die, people lose loved ones, I have to tolerate pain for an hour or two before a healer can be sent to be. 

I told Genya I’d be fine in the medical wing, but she insisted that I wait for a healer to be sent to me. The people here look up to me, if news of my injury got out, especially considering it’s a training wound, morale would take a blow we can’t currently afford. Genya had looked relatively sympathetic when she told me that many healers were occupied considering how difficult training had been and I had told her I could bear the weight. 

Now, in my room, staring at the basin full of water, I’m starting to regret my desire to be self sacrificing. I dip the towel in the water, squeezing out the excess before daring to dab the fabric on the outer edge of the wound. The feeling is fire against my skin all over again. An instinctual curse leaves me as I drop the towel on the counter that surrounds the basin. 

Arthur hadn’t meant it. I can still hear the frantic apologies tumbling from his full lips. He should have been more focused on the task at hand, he should have never stopped to look at me, at the way I could control so many living things at once. In some odd sense, his distraction had been a compliment. Many of the girls here would sell anything to have Arthur’s attention, even if it resulted in such a careless mistake. 

I grimace, picking up the towel and preparing to start again. I should at least clean it before the healers have to deal with both a physical injury and an infection. The sound of my door flying open and then shutting angrily is enough of a distraction for me to accidentally dab the towel against my skin too harshly. I curse again, turning my head towards the bathroom door. Did Genya exaggerate the severity of my wound? Are the healers that desperate to get to me? 

I turn on my toes, towel forgotten by the basen full of water as I approach the door that connects my room with the bathroom. “I’m--” Words meant to calm a frantic healer stick to the back of my throat as soon as I register all the black in the room. General Kirigan. Great. He no doubt heard about my injury after prying it from Genya and now he’s here to scold me for the childishness of it all. To be injured because a boy and I just couldn’t help ‘make eyes at each other’. All he does is insult my refusal to become bitter just because I was born possessing power. 

“You’re what?” His words are a different level of callous, darker than the shadows he creates with the will of his mind alone. “An idiot that let herself be sent back to her room instead of demanding to see a healer?” 

That’s an odd thing for him to focus his anger on. At least it’s not fully directed at me. On instinct, I half turn, attempting to hide my injury from his piercing eyes. My instinct tells me he should never see me so mortal. “Genya recommended it,” my words are determined yet calm, “It’s such a small injury it isn’t worth risking everyone’s morale. A healer will come here when one is available.” 

His face tightens in what must be some kind of disgusted disbelief. “Foolish girl--have you no instinct for preservation?” 

Every decision I’ve made since being injured made sense before he spoke to me. The fierceness of his voice leaves my face warmer than it was a moment ago and reminds me of the stem of my dislike for him. General Kirigan speaks and I am left a clumsy child. “Some things are more important than one’s self.” I expect he’ll turn that into something else to mock or belittle about me. “And it’s not a grave injury it’s barely--” 

The distance between us seemed so great less than a second ago, but he’s closed it so quickly, grabbing my left wrist and extending my arm forward so that I can’t hide anything from him. “You’re burned.” There’s the slightest bit of surprise coloring his words along with something else I can’t interpret. “How did you get burned?” 

Kirigan doesn’t know. My stomach knots, anticipating embarrassment. “Training incident--I was standing too close to an Inferni.” 

His grip on my arm tightens. I grimace as he pulls me forward with no regard for my injury. “Who?” The voracious way he says the word leaves my thoughts trembling. He is a void of darkness, starving for a victim to snuff the light out of.  

When my thoughts settle, I cannot bring myself to tell him the truth. “I didn’t see, I was distracted by the burning.” I exhale slowly, desperate to escape the flames behind his eyes the way I could not escape the fire of earlier. “It doesn’t matter, I’ve been injured worse in training.” His hold on my arm doesn’t loosen, I glance down at his hand, his firm grip on me somehow worse than the burn. “You’ve injured me worse in training.” 

“I may push you, exhaust you, and leave you mad--but I have never done anything that comes close to--that!” The last of his words carry themselves louder than the rest. 

If the skin of my shoulder wasn’t so sensitive I’d try fighting his tightening grasp. The accusation on my part had been a little much, but it was meant to serve as a reminder that he’s not one to care about my comfort or well being. “Why does it matter?” I can’t bring myself to meet his gaze. “You’ve never cared about any of my injuries before.” 

Kirigan releases my arm in a stiff trance, raising his hand to brush his thumb down my cheek. The contact is reminiscent of an extremely different moment. “The first night here you only let a few tears escape you when you were convinced that no one could see them. Do you remember how I turned and wordlessly wiped them away?” His gesture had not been comforting then and it isn’t comforting now. He never wanted to comfort me, he wanted to assert some strange power over me. “I let those tears fall because they were because of me and I knew it was for the best.” I say nothing, letting his thumb ghost tears that will not come. “The moment I discovered you, what you could be, you became mine.” 

“I am no one’s.” The reaction is instinctual, a pride my mother instilled in me. My voice is too loud, too brash. “I am my own.” 

I brace myself for his anger, but all I receive is the slight relaxation of his lips. “It’s things like that give you so much potential in other ways.” His voice is a jagged rock caressing my skin, not minding the scrapes it leaves behind. “You’re a fair plaything, as well as useful.”  

He’s speaking so gently his voice borders on vulnerable. Something in me warms, but I can’t tell why. I know that Kirigan finds joy in my discomfort--why else would he belittle me so often? “The healer will be here soon.” 

“Yes,” he makes no move to leave, instead Kirigan grabs my wrist again, forcing me to turn so that he can analyze the extent of my burn, “Which is why I will ask you again…” I try to catch his gaze, but his stone stare is focused on my burned shoulder entirely. “Who did this?” 

“I told you.” He can never know. “It was a training accident.” 

“And someone is responsible.” 

I let out a breath, tired of feeling so incomplete. I just want to be healed and go to sleep. “Why does it matter?” His fingers trail up my arm patiently, my body betrays me by shivering. “Accidents happen, you’ve put me in more risk than--” 

“I’ve always intended to break you one way or another,” his voice is more supple than it’s ever been before, “Your goodness is too tempting to not tarnish.” He turns my wrist over easily, ignoring my slight wince. “But if someone else were to do it…” Kirigan trails off, expression tightening in a way I can’t read, “I don’t let others break my play things.” 

Some strange resolve in my chest cracks at that. “Kirigan--” 

“Who are you protecting?” He moves his free hand, placing it without reservation on my shoulder. “Not telling me will only make it worse.” 

Thoughts of Arthur paying for such a small mistake leaves my stomach rolling in guilt. “Make what worse?” 

His expression tightens again. I wait for some kind of rebuke. Kirigan’s lips part as if he expects to criticize my naivety, but instead of speaking he turns sharply. He doesn't release his grip on my wrist as he leads me into my bathroom. 

“What are you doing?” 

Kirigan ignores my surprise, releasing me to pick up the towel I was so quick to abandon. “If you’re too good to take a healer from someone, you should at least avoid infection.” 

“I’m not an idiot, I was cleaning it.” The sharpness of my tone is ignored, Kirigan simply places one hand on my forearm to keep me in place. “Wha--”

 He brushes his thumb over my pulse gently in an effective attempt to silence me. I part my lips in hopes of protesting, but something odd reflects across his eyes. It must be some trick of the light because his expression seems...hesitant. Maybe even concerned. And then cool fabric is pressed into my burn. I bite my tongue so hard I’m surprised it doesn’t bleed. 

“Saints.” 

His expression shifts to that of almost amusement. “I think I’d like to hear you curse in a,” he exhales softly, fingertips trailing up my forearm, “Slightly different scenario.” 

The shock of such a bold innuendo clears my mind from thoughts of pain. But the most startling thing is that the innuendo isn’t entirely unwanted. In the wake of my surprise, he presses the wet towel into my wound again. I fight against a grimace, but that doesn’t go unnoticed by Kirigan. Instead of mentioning it, his free arm touches my uninjured shoulder. For the first time since he’s come here I’m aware of how improper my attire is. I changed out of my starched kefta and into a silk nightgown in order to leave my shoulder unbothered. Genya had helped me change, bearing all of my grimacing and pained curses. 

I should push him off of me. Kirigan can get away with a lot because of his status, but I by no means have to allow something like this. I should not feel shy, I should not be embarrassed. He’s the one that’s out of line. I look up into his eyes, prepared to yell at him for being so out of line. But when I meet his eyes, I see something so un-monstrous I am left breathless. There’s a gentleness to the way he tilts his head downwards, eyes never leaving mine. Is he asking for permission? Permission to--to what? I stay frozen as his lips brush against the unmarred side of my collarbone. His touch is almost enough to make me forget pain ever existed. He pulls away enough that I can feel his breath against the base of my neck. Thoughts I’d never dare speak are banished as the towel presses against my skin again. My face cringes immediately, but he’s quick to press his lips to the base of my neck, lingering kisses melting into my skin. 

“I thought you said you were fine.” His chiding is half-hearted, whispered between two brief kisses against my bare ski. 

He dabs the towel on the burn again, but before I can think to complain, his lips are against my skin again. This time, his lips part slightly allowing his teeth to graze over my pulse. Kirigan pulls away slightly, expression hardening, “I’m almost sorry about this part.” His words leave him in a whisper as influential as sin. 

“What part?” My voice feels foreign in my throat. 

Kirigan doesn’t reply, but then I feel the sharpest pain yet. The towel is cleaning the worst of the burn, the ruined patch of skin that will never recover without supernatural intervention. The gasp I let out is that of a bird with shattered wings. A cry forms in the base of my throat, but before it can leave me, Kirigan’s teeth bite into the skin above my pulse. The pained sound is reduced by my shock, twisting in an odd combination of some kind of pained sound and something dangerously close to a moan. 

He releases me with one last soft brush of his lips, straightening his back and retracting the towel. “There.” Kirigan drops the towel onto the bathroom counter. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

I can still feel the ghost of his lips, tongue, and teeth against my skin. I understand now. Each kiss had been a way to distract me, to lessen the pain. Something odd swells in my chest as I try to will my eyes to stop watering in pain. 

Kirigan presses his lips together, pressing his hand against my cheek again. His thumb brushes the few stray tears that escape me. “Don’t cry,” his tone is pure velvet, “I won’t tolerate tears in your eyes caused by anyone else.” He tilts his head oddly, hand sliding down my cheek before gripping my jaw, “I can provide reason for your tears if you’d like.” 

Inhaling deeply, I continue to stare at him. Today has been so sudden. He’s flirted with me through strangely sexual insults and threats before, but never has he been so forward about it. 

“I’m fine,” I force my voice to remain clear. He nods once. A soft rap at my door has me turning away from him. “The healer--I shoul--” 

“Come in,” he calls, voice clear and leaving no room for argument. 

My eyes widen. To be caught with him here could be detrimental for my reputation. Kirigan pulls away, something sharp playing at his features, something almost humorous. 

He leaves the bathroom like this is his own room. “Her wound is clean, work quickly.” I walk out of the bathroom in a strange trance. Kirigan’s gaze lands on me as I enter the main part of my room, “I need her at her full strength for what I have planned.” 

There’s a heaviness to his words, a weight that tells me he means more than what his words imply. Goosebumps erupt across my skin as I try to banish the thoughts of his mouth against my skin between inflictions of pain, blending together to create the most intense sense of fight or flight I’ve ever experienced. 

Kirigan begins to approach the door to my room. “I’ll be checking on her later.”

--

People that asked to be tagged in this/expressed interest:

@luminous-99 @voyevoda-thejoy @voidmalfoy @i-padfootblack-things @all-art-is-quite-useless @buckverse @mandowh0re @uhanddreag  

@we-love-our-bandz 

[blu-joons]

When He Misses His Long Distance Partner ~ Enhypen Reaction

Heeseung:

A soft sigh came from Heeseung as his call was left unanswered, the only sound that greeted him was that of your voicemail, which he very quickly hung up from.

Beside him, Jay softly smiled as he watched Heeseung drop his phone. “She’s probably asleep by now, I’m sure she’ll give you a ring when she wakes up and sees your call.”

Heeseung’s head nodded glumly, “I was really hoping to talk to her, I thought she’d still be awake.”

“It’s hard,” Jay appreciated, throwing his arm around his friend, “I know how much you were looking forward to speaking to her tonight, but hopefully you’ll hear from her soon.”

“I’ll probably be asleep by then, time zones suck.”

A soft sigh came from Jay, trying to cheer Heeseung up. “Why don’t you text her in that case? Arrange a time to try and get up for so that neither if you can be asleep.”

“Do you think it could work?” Heeseung asked him, a glimmer of hope in his voice.

Jay’s head nodded back at him, “you’ve got to try whatever it takes to make a relationship work, especially when it’s as distant as yours is with Y/N.”

“I’ll send her a text to wake up to, thank you for the good advice.”

Jake:

As another sniffle came from you, Jake struggled to know what to do. It was hard for you both, but for you especially, recent times had been piling on the pressure.

Jake waited for a moment, allowing you the chance to compose yourself before speaking. “Hopefully, it won’t be too much longer until I can come see you, or vice versa.

Your head nodded back at him, “I think that’s what I need to happen right now to cheer myself up.”

“Please don’t get upset,” he whispered, “because it makes me upset too. I’m trying hard right now to smile for you, but I’m missing you a lot and struggling with all of this too.”

“You don’t have to smile just for me Jake.”

His head shook in response, letting go of a deep breath. “I have to smile in the hope that it will make smile, the last thing I want to see is you upset or having a hard time.”

“Things will get easier,” you optimistically spoke, “one day it won’t be this hard for us.”

The sound of your voice getting brighter was all that he needed to hear. “Things will definitely get easier, we just have to ride out the hard time, right?”

“Exactly, and hopefully that will all be over with soon enough.”

Jay:

His eyebrows furrowed as Jungwon knocked on his door with a box in hand. Jay quickly invited him in keen, intrigued as to what had arrived for him so suddenly.

As he tore open the box, he peered inside to see several snacks inside with a note on top. “It’s from Y/N,” he laughed, scanning through what your note had included.

Jungwon’s smile instantly grew, “I best that must feel good to have something from her.”

“Definitely,” Jay agreed, flicking through the contents, “she’s sent me plenty of snacks from her home to enjoy, to cheer me up when I’m missing her is what she said.”

“That’s sweet of her, you must miss her a lot.”

Jay’s head nodded, trying not to let his mood drop. “It’s not easy, but surprises like this one certainly make it a little bit easier to get through until I can see her again.”

“And will you be sharing?” He joked, with his eye already on a couple of the items.

Jay’s head continued to nod, “don’t worry, I’ll be sharing with the rest of the group, as long as you know Y/N only misses me, not all of you.”

“Don’t worry, we know you’re the one she thinks about all the time.”

Sunghoon:

A heavy groan came from you as you turned into your street, scuffing your feet along the floor until a different pair of feet brought you to a halt, standing directly in front of you.

As your eyes looked up, a gasp came too, as your eyes met those of the figure. “You’ll ruin your shoes doing that, I thought I warned you about scuffing before.”

Your head shook as your arms wrapped around the figure, “Sunghoon, what are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d come and see you,” he whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around you too. “I had a bit of time off, and the flights worked in my favour, so here I am.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t at least warn me you were coming.”

His hand jabbed against your waist, “what would be the point of it being a surprise if I told you that I was coming? That would ruin all the planning I put into this.”

“You’re the best,” you complimented, “do you want to come in, in that case?”

He grabbed his case, following behind you. “I haven’t booked a hotel, so I was kind of counting on you letting me stay with you for a few days to be honest.”

“You’re definitely staying here; I’m not letting you go anywhere else.”

Sunoo:

Both of you were exhausted, it had felt like some time since you both had the chance to talk, and although you had a lot to say, neither of you could quite find the words.

You were silent, whilst Sunoo was lost in deep thought. “It’s been really hard,” he whispered, only realising that he had said it aloud when you hummed in agreement with him.

A sight escaped you, “sometimes it feels as if I’m never going to get to see you again Sunoo.”

“That won’t happen,” he quickly assured you, glancing out of his window. “I don’t care what it takes, the next time we can get together, wherever that is, I’ll make it happen.”

“We’ve been saying that for months to each other now.”

His head nodded, although you couldn’t see as your eyes glanced out of your window too. “Just stick with me, I’m struggling too, but I’m not willing to just give up now.”

“I don’t want to give up either,” you responded, trying to find some fight inside of you.

Another sigh came, this time from Sunoo. “I miss you, a lot, but I’m going to make sure that we don’t let the distance beat us, please do the same Y/N.”

“I miss you too, and I promise that I’ll try to do the same.”

Jungwon:

As soon as Jungwon saw you yawn on the camera, his heart twanged. He couldn’t help but feel bad for waking you up, unaware of just how late it was where you were.

You smiled all the same, relieved to get just a small amount of time with him. “I’m sorry for waking you, I just really missed you and my first instinct was to give you a call and see how you were.”

You quickly dismissed him, “I don’t mind, I hadn’t really drifted off to sleep properly just yet.”

“But you keep yawning,” he frowned, worried that his call wouldn’t help you sleep. “I can always call back at a more convenient time, especially if you’ve got work in the morning too.”

“Jungwon, it’s fine, I want to speak to you, not sleep.”

He sighed softly, conflicted by what truly was the right thing to do. “As soon as you start to feel sleepy, you sleep, don’t worry about upsetting me or anything like that.”

“I can do that,” you laughed, “I’ll stay awake for as long as I possibly can though.”

His head nodded in agreement with you, “the moment I see you so much as yawn, then I’m hanging up so that you can look after yourself.”

“Alright, I’ll just turn away whenever I need to yawn.”

Ni-ki:

Your head shook as soon as Riki picked up your call, lifting into shot the large parcel that had arrived for you just a few minutes before, filled with gifts sent to you.

His smile widened, relieved to see that his parcel had arrived safely. “You didn’t have to send me all of this, the poor postman was struggling to carry it all to the door.”

A quiet laugh came from him, “I wanted to give you enough, so you know that I miss you a lot.”

“I already knew that without all of this,” you chuckled in response, “I’m going to be eating sweets for weeks now thanks to all of this, and all of these teddies too.”

“Don’t forget the hoodie, that’s the most important.”

You grabbed the hoodie and held it up for him to see, “it still smells a little bit like you too, I can definitely tell that you lived in this just before you sent it off to come over here.”

“Is it that obvious?” He joked, “I thought I’d made it a little more subtle than that.”

You brought the fabric underneath your nose, inhaling his strong scent on it. “I really appreciate all of this; it just makes me miss you a little bit more.”

“Well, now you have all of this to cheer you up when you do.”

---

Masterlist

[forever-rogue]

Douse the Lights

A/N: I have no excuse for this, except I love one (1) Din Djarin and he deserves this and so do we. Enjoy! A little Happy New Year gift from me to you! As always, comments and feedback are welcomed! xx

Pairing: Din Djarin x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: SMUT (18+ only) - oral (m and f receiving), unprotected PiV, choking, degradation, creampie...filth. This is just filth. 

STUTTER SOMETHING PROFOUND (PART 2)

THE MANDALORIAN MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Then stop kriffing staring at me.”

“I wasn’t even looking in your direction.”

“You,” with a sharp turn of your head you saw that he wasn’t even near you. Nope. Not at all. 

Kriff. Awkward.

“Lothcat got your tongue, Princess?” you’d never seen his face, but Maker, you just knew there was a wicked smirk on it.

“Just mind your own business,” stowing away your clean blasters with a huff, you prayed with all your might that he couldn’t see the flush of warmth on your face or hear the crack in your voice. You hated him. Everything about him.

At least you wanted to; you would have given anything in the galaxy to. It would make constantly being around the Mandalorian that you called your employer a lot easier. 

Maybe if you kept repeating it yourself, you would manifest it to become true. That you could hate that annoying, half-witted, tin can. 

“Thought that’s what I was doing,” there was the most minute inkling of amusement in his voice as he came over, lithe and silent - ever the hunter. He was at your side in an instant, the warmth of his body contrasting sharply with the cool metal of the beskar as he sent shivers up and down your spine. Along with the low pooling of heat and desire settling in your belly, but you were going to ignore that for now.

Almost as if he knew the effect he had on you, he made it a point to brush a gloved hand over yours as he nudged you to the side to inspect some of the weapons he’d tasked you with cleaning. You had to be quick in order to shut your mouth and keep a small whimper from escaping your lips. 

How long had it been since someone last touched you? Maker, it had been….dank farrik. It had been way too long. A simple hand brush - there wasn’t even skin to skin contact - and you felt like a lothcat in heat. You really needed to get...some company and have your frustrations taken out or surely you would explode. There was no way you were to give Mando the satisfaction of knowing the type of hold he seemed to possess over you. 

Perhaps once you were out of this more than awkward conversation you could slip out for a few hours and seek some pleasure. The little one had just gone down for a nap a short bit ago, and he was likely to be out for some time. Surely he wouldn’t have a problem for a few hours. Then you could -

“These are still dirty,” was his voice always that rough and low? He had to be doing it on purpose, surely. Before you could contemplate it too much, he took one of the blasters and shoved it back into your hands. Not rough or gentle, but with enough firmness to remind that he was in charge. You looked it over and raised your eyebrows as you inspected it yourself - it was polished to an almost pristine shine, “clean them again. All of them.”

“What the fuck, Mando,” you scoffed with indignation as you rolled your eyes at him, shoving the blaster right into of the black T of his visor. You waved it almost as if to prove your point, “this is clean. I dare you to find a cleaner blaster in this Maker forsaken galaxy.”

He was quick to your grab your wrist, his grip was firm as he kept your hand from moving. You didn’t normally argue with your stoic and mysterious employer, but this was apparently new and uncharted territory. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but there was a shift between the two of you, something had changed. The tension in the air was palpable, so thick you could cut it with the dullest of knives as you stared back at him. 

“Clean it again,” it was a growl that went straight to your cunt as you subconsciously clenched your thighs at the sound. Either this was a one time deal that you would commit to memory or you were going to make it a point to annoy him more often. As he stared you down, he slowly let go of your wrist and pointed at the discarded cleaning rag, “and make sure its actually clean this time.”

“You are the worst,” you tried to retain the little bit of composure that you had remaining as you swiped the blaster back.

“And you are a brat,” brat. Brat. Brat. Brat. Of all the words available in all of the galaxy, he had to choose that one. This was absolutely on purpose. The Mandalorian never did anything without careful planning and calculating the risks. The same could be said with his words; this was all carefully and deliberately chosen. He cocked his head to the side, almost as if trying to gauge your reaction, “but here we are. Get them clean.”

“Or what?” it was a mere pathetic squeak as found yourself almost unable to meet his face.

“Just get it done.”

Without another word he strode away, as silent and dangerous as he was when he first came in. If you were stronger, if you weren’t a weak little fool, you would have looked away and focused on your work. 

But no. Not today.

Instead you watched him go, staring shamelessly at his imposing figure as he moved to disappear back into the cockpit to do whatever it was that he did. 

Was his ass always that nice? Were those thighs always so strong and sturdy? Was he always so damn broad and wide? 

Shit. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” you hissed at yourself as you picked the rag back up and slammed yourself back down on the bench in order to re-clean all the weapons that you had just done. He wanted clean weapons? You’d give him the cleanest blasters he’d ever seen. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

Almost an hour had crept by when you’d finished your second round of cleaning. At this point you honestly didn’t care if the Mandalorian deemed the job satisfactory or not. The longer you had ruminated on his words, the more frustrated you became. 

Each word, each touch seemed burned into your mind as you let your imagination take over. You’d be lying if you said you’d never thought about him before. There had been a number of sleepless nights when you imagined it had been his hand between your thighs, his fingers running through your slick folds before they slipped inside of you. On nights when you really couldn't help yourself, you even imagined it was his cock, how he would feel buried to the hilt inside of you. You wondered what he would be like, but something - this day in particular - told that he was big. And he would get the job done.

But it wasn’t going to happen. 

Nope. No. Nah. You were just his sidekick little employee that most definitely was not going to act on any impulsive or rash decisions. You might have been a lot of things, including a huge fool in that moment, but you weren’t that stupid. You didn’t need to create some unnecessary strain in your relationship with the stoic warrior or even worse, lose your job and home and be left stranded in a forgotten corner of the galaxy. 

Even as you tried to rationalize all the ways in which acting on your impulses was a horrible idea, the frustration and the throbbing between your legs didn't wane. You were getting so desperate and pathetically needy that you sat on the edge of your small bench just at the angle so you could get a little bit of friction on your clit. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

As you rocked back and forth, trying to keep the little mewls and whines from slipping past your lips, you realized you couldn't do this.

You couldn't risk getting caught by the Mandalorian. Oh yes, everything's fine, just getting myself off. Don't worry, I'm super horny because of you. Yeah of course I'd love your cock.

Yeah. Cool, cool, cool. This would never happen. 

Just when you before you reached your breaking point and had your hands halfway to your soaked core, you stopped. 

"Kriff," you sighed to yourself as you pulled your hand back out and stood up. What the actual fuck had gotten into you? A few commanding words you were completely losing your control. Either you were desperate for a release from something other than your own hand or you craved the mysterious Mandalorian. 

Hastily stashing the impeccably clean blasters back into the weapons cache, you discarded the rag as you quickly came up with a plan. 

Tiptoeing quietly back to where the little one was sleeping, you sneaked a peek and saw that he was still fast asleep. He wouldn't even notice you were gone - that's what you tried to convince yourself as you delicately touched his soft ears and button nose. 

You weren't sure if you were speaking of the Mandalorian or the baby. At this point you really didn't care. 

You glanced back at the ladder towards the cockpit, watching almost as if you expected him to come down and catch you sneaking out. Hells, technically he'd know as soon as you left the ship. You scrawled a quick note telling him that you needed a cleaner or something, in your haste you couldn't even remember what you put, and would need to go to the market.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was totally plausible, you insisted to calm your own nerves as you slipped on your boots and a cloak before making your final decision to leave. Attempting to be as quiet and subtle as possible, you slowly made your way off the Crest and started scurrying towards the nearby desolate town of Mos Eisley. In reality you looked more like a scrap rat scurrying away from the light than a woman heading into town to find something. 

Whatever.

Mos Eisley wasn’t exactly known for its sparkling reputation, and you were sure you could get exactly what you wanted quickly enough. In and out, you thought to yourself as a flush rose in your check, well precisely that. For at least you were hoping. 

But the Mandalorian, a seasoned hunter with a reputation for a reason, and didn’t miss a single trick. He was aware of what you were doing before you even left the cargo hold. If he was this frustrated and turned on you by you, his cock hard and straining against the confines of his pants, he was sure you must have been in the same position. 

Oh, but he had been close to breaking, just like you. How easy it would have been to seal the hatch to the cockpit and relieve himself of the desire and ache. But no - just like you he had limits and wasn’t about to give in and stroke his hard cock while you were within earshot. No matter times he had imagined it - fucking your mouth or burying himself deep between your luscious heat before pounding you into oblivion, he wasn’t going to give in this easily. 

He wasn’t a virgin by any means, but with your little backtalk and the way you had looked at him with those wide doe eyes and pretty pouted lips sure had him feeling like one. The thought of burying himself inside you, to watch as you bounced on his cock with your tits in his face was enough to make up his mind. 

One time couldn’t hurt, right? People had casual encounters all the time.Why should this one be any different? If you were willing of course, although judging by how your pupils had dilated with each word from his mouth, had little doubt you felt the same way; but consent of course was key. 

And tomorrow? You’d be back to being the same way you had always been.

Hopefully. Maybe. Probably.

Fuck.

This was a bad idea, and the small, sensible part remaining in his brain told him so. But he was too far in, too deep and lost in his own desires to stop himself. 

He was watched as you ran away, deciding to wait until you were halfway to Mos Eisley before going after you. He’d take the kid to Pelli, sure she’d more than happy to watch him for the night. The rest? That was to be all consumed by you. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

The old cantina was dirty, dingy, and smelly. There was no doubt in your mind it must have been at least a decade since it was cleaned, and yet it still remained a hot spot; granted not for those of politer society, but enough to get the job down.  You pushed that to the back of your mind as you clambered through the crowd and to the bar, sitting down next to a handsome Zabrak you had spied when you’d walked in. You’d never been with one his kind before, but you’d heard rumors of them, especially when it came to their prowess behind closed doors, and something within you was piqued. 

He must have sensed something was up - as soon as you sat down, he motioned for the bartender to come back and bring the two of you a new round. 

“You’re new here,” he said gruffly, a dangerous edge to his voice, sharp like a knife as he took one of the luminescent drinks and shoved the other towards you.

Before you could even move to grab your drink or utter so much as a word in response, a hand darted and quickly grabbed your wrist, the grip biting and firm. 

“She’s mine,” the words washed over you before you could even turn to look at the Mandalorian. His chest was rising and falling heavy as his visor was trained on your would be companion for the night. A shudder ran up your spine as he pulled you off the stool, the two men glaring at each wordlessly. 

He pulled you behind him, storming out of the cantina as the crowds parted at the sight of the gleaming silver beskar. They knew better than to stand in the way of the Mandalorian. You felt like a child being scolded as he refused to acknowledge you, keeping his gaze trained straight as you struggled to keep up with his long strides. 

“What the hell, Mando?” your question was an indignant shout as your voice climbed an octave. His grip didn’t waver for a moment as he grunted in his response. Oh, he was mad. Yup. Definitely. You had fucked up. 

Any thought of talking back or prodding him further were estopped as you could see him fuming as he dragged your ass back to the Crest. 

This was it, you realized. This was the end where he would fire you and send you packing. Of all the places in the galaxy to be stranded, Tatooine was not one of your top destinations. No one to blame but yourself, you reckoned. 

Instead you hung your head as he refused to look back, making quick work of opening the cargo hold and shoving you inside. There was something about his touch that was rough, almost sending you falling to your ass, but there was still an odd gentleness.

You stared back at the blank visor in challenge, attempting to figure out what was going on. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he stared back at you. Neither of you were about to get a good read on each other. 

“Did you really think it was a good idea to just walk away without saying anything?” his voice was dangerously low as he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at you. You opened and closed your mouth a few times as you tried to come up with either a smart response or an excuse but instead of anything coherent, it was a mixture of the two. Great. Now he's going to think you were an idiot on top of everything else. 

“I didn’t...just um...doesn’t matter what you...I needed something from the market?” you swallowed the lump on your throat as you dropped your gaze to the floor. He sighed for a moment - heavily - as you’d come to know was his penchant to do. 

“You needed something from the market?” it wasn’t a question so much as an accusation.

“Mhmm.”

“What was it?”

“C-cleaner,” you lied. Somehow it sounded better than saying yeah, I really just wanted a quick fuck because you have me feeling some type of way. 

“There's a new cleaner right in the cabinet,” he said as you internally groaned. He was right - there was a brand new gleaming bottle on the top shelf. He’d gotten some last week, “or did you conveniently forget that?”

“Umm,” you couldn’t get anything else out as he took a step closer and left minimal distance between your bodies. He reached up and put a hand under your chin, turning your face up to meet his, “uh huh.”

“Uh huh, honey,” his voice warmed you up from inside out as you gave him an innocent look. If he hadn’t known what he was doing earlier, he certainly did now. And he was going to milk every second of it, to push this as far as it would go. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips, a subconscious gesture, but not unnoticed by the Mandalorian. His hand slipped from your chin and jaw and slid until he was gently holding your throat. His grip was light, and he was barely squeezing, but Maker, you wished he was, “is that really what you were going to do?”

“Y-yeah,” how much longer were you going to keep up this little facade? You had no clue. But the feel of his hand around your airway, pushing slightly, ever so slightly, had your mind positively reeling.

“Then why did you go to that filthy old cantina?” he leaned closer, his helmet mere inches from your face as you closed your eyes, the blood rushing to your ears as you the heat pooled in your belly, “why were you talking to Zabrak? Did you really think he was going to fuck you? To make you feel good?”

“Mhmm,” you managed to murmur after a few beats of silence as you realized what was happening. This was new, uncharted territory - for the both of you - and if you went any further, there would be no going back. And you - fuck it. Your eyes snapped open as you turned to look into the visor, right where his eyes would be, “needed someone to do it, since you never would.” 

And there it was - finally out in the open and hanging thickly between the two of you. All you could ever was a small huff from under the helmet and you were positive he was smirking like a victorious predator.

“Is that what you want, honey?” he asked and you nodded. Give and take and then...it all broke, “get on your knees. Now.”

And you wasted no time sinking onto the cool metal floor, now level with his cock, where you could see the hardness straining against his rough fabric. Shaky fingers worked to hastily pop the button and pull the zipper, but just before you could get to what you wanted, Din roughly grabbed jaw, turning your face up to his, “you take what I give. Yeah?”

“Yes,” you promised, feeling yourself grow wetter and wetter with each word. But then, with another gentle tap to your chin, he seemed almost...gentle, “Mando?”

“If you don’t want this, just say stop,” he waited for you to nod as you a sense of warmth fluttered over you at his desire for consent, “I will not be gentle, I will not-”

“Give it to me then,” you beamed at him before turning back to his cock and pulling out of his underwear. You almost moaned at the sight of his cock, hard and leaking already; and just as your little fantasies had led you to believe, he was more than adequate. 

Spitting into your palm, you took him in your hand, pumping him a few times before licking the head, just small light licks, just enough to tease. Licking a stripe up his shaft, you played with his balls for a moment, earning what you were sure was a small groan from under the helmet. Making it a point to draw it out, you shouldn’t have been surprised when his hand went to the back of your head as he pushed you onto his cock. 

A sound of surprise was muffled by his cock as you took all of him into your mouth, doing your best not to gag as he hit the back of your throat and your nose brushed against the soft curls of hair at his base. Your hands slid up his thighs and found purchase on his hips as he began to fuck your mouth. He started slowly at first, almost as if he was afraid to give too much. When you grew accustomed to him, making it a point to hollow your cheeks and suck him as best as you could, he picked up the pace. And it was brutal in all the best ways, spit was starting to run down your chin along with a few tears that had spilled over, but if nothing else, it worked to spur him on. 

“Look at you,” he grunted between thrusts as he took in the sight in front of him, “take me so well. Knew your big mouth had to be good for something. Always wanted to fuck that pretty face.”

You hummed in delight as you raked your nails over the exposed slivers of his skin on his hips, golden and delicious and you wanted it all. His thrusts slowly become more erratic and sloppy as he twitched in your mouth. His hand dropped from the back of your head as you took over and put a hand back on his shaft as you worked to finish him off. 

Soon enough he did, followed by an almost primal growl as he came, his hot, thick, cum coating your mouth and you eagerly swallowed all that he offered, which unsurprisingly, was a lot. As his breathing slowed down and he slowly came down from the rush of his high, you pulled back from him, looking up at him with innocent eyes and a wicked smile. You cleaned him off, but just as you went to wipe at your mouth, his gloved hand was faster and he collected the spit and cum that had spilled out and pushed it back into your mouth with two fingers. You grabbed his wrist and made a show of sucking his fingers clean, tasting him along with the worn leather of his gloves. 

“Good girl,” he praised before hoisting you to your feet, “strip.”

“What about you?” you turned your head to the side, but he shook his head in response. He paused for a moment, almost as if he was having second thoughts, but just quickly, he whipped off his gloves and tossed them onto the floor before putting a hand on your cheek and stroking it tenderly. You swallowed thickly before nodding and working to pull off your clothes. 

First was your shirt, tugging slowly over your chest and tossed down to join the gloves. Your arm went to your back as you tugged off your bra, letting the straps fall down your shoulders as an almost nervous breath escaped your lips. 

“Keep going,” he commanded, eyes trained slowly on you as he drank in the sight of you. You undid your own zipper and pulled your pants and panties down in one fluid motion before kicking them off along with your boots and socks. You’d never felt more vulnerable or exposed in that moment, wanting to cover up but also relishing in the fact that you seemed to have rendered the Mandalorian speechless. He looked you up down, not bothering to hide the fact as he looked at your form, glancing at your soft mound before your breasts and then landing back on your face.

Beckoning for you to come closer with a simple crook of his fingers, you did so, standing directly in front of him. His hand flitted from your cheek and down your body before resting at the apex of your thighs. You gasped lightly in surprise as he dragged his fingers through your soaked folds, coating them in your copious arousal, before chuckling darkly. A hand immediately went to his shoulder as you steadied yourself and tried not to completely lose it at the simple touch, “all of this for me, honey?”

“Mhmm,” you admitted as he gently rubbed over your clit, teasingly in the slowest, most tantalizing way possible. Before you could stop yourself you blurted out, “always think about you. Always get so wet.”

He made a small, noncommittal sound as he pulled his fingers away from your wetness and brought them to your lips. He tapped your bottom lip and you opened your mouth, sucked his fingers clean from your own arousal, “I’ve thought about fucking you too. That mouth, that pussy. You’re such a brat, but you drive me crazy.”

“I like when you get mad,” you said as he pulled his fingers out of your mouth, “‘s sexy.”

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice deeper and lower than ever before, and you felt your knees start to buckle at the sheer sex it exuded, He brought his large, warm hands to your tits, touching over your pebbled nipples as you bit back a moan. While you wished it his mouth on them instead, this touch was just as well, as he massaged them, trying to get a good feel of them and seeing what drew out those sweet mewls from you. But before you could enjoy it too much, one hand gripped your waist like a vice and the other went between your legs. He ran his thick fingers through your folds, before slowly inserting one into your wet heat. You moaned as he slowly inserted another and then a third, stuffing you full and already having you seeing stars in no time, “make yourself cum.”

“What?” your eyes snapped open as he stilled his actions, “you’re joking, right?”

“Nope,” he popped the p loudly as he lightly teased your clit, eyes boring into yours, “you act like a brat and you want to cum? You have to work for it.”

“You can’t be serious,” you groaned as he moved to pull his hand away, as if to show you just how serious he was. This time, you caught his wrist and held him in place. He chuckled lightly in triumph as one of your hands returned to his shoulder for balance and the other went to play with your sensitive bundle of nerves. He held completely still, a practiced and patient man, as he made you work for it. He wasn’t kidding by any means when he said he would not be gentle. 

He remained quiet, watching your pretty face shift through a range of expressions as you worked to reach your own high. He was glad for the helmet, for if you had been watching him, you’d have seen the tinge of pink rising in his cheeks as the sight of you fucking yourself on his fingers. He’d envisioned this many times, no doubt about that, but he’d never thought it would become a reality. Maker, you were gorgeous as you thrust onto his hand using him for your own pleasure a string of gentle filth spilled from your lips as you rubbed slow circles onto your clit.

“Mandooo,” it was soft as you felt that familiar blinding haze start to take over you, and your toes involuntarily curled and your cunt started to clench around his fingers. Your eyes fluttered closed in pleasure as your vision turned blurry and that familiar warmth started to spread all over your limbs. He felt his cock twitch from where he had tucked himself back in after you’d pleasured him. Before you could finish though, something different met your ears.

“Din,” he said as bit your lip in order to keep from crying out completely, “my name is Din.”

And there it was. Completely unexpected and out of the blue. It wasn’t just a name - no it was so much more than it. It was a sign of trust, of closeness, of the fact that whatever this little situation was, it was neither the first or only time something like this would happen. No, your story with Mando may have come to an abrupt end, but your relationship with Din was just beginning.

It was almost as his name, uttered softly and almost unsurely, was exactly what you needed to push you over the edge as you came around his fingers. A soft moan left your lips along with the sweetest sound he was sure he’d ever heard, “Din.”

A merciful man when he chose to be, he took over for you and worked you through your orgasm as you almost collapsed into his arms, “there you are pretty girl. You did so well, fucking yourself on my fingers.”

“Not enough,” you rested your against the soft cowl of his neck as he pulled his hand from you, but not before slapping your ass a few times, almost as if testing to see how far he could push you. You made a few sounds of delight at the sting, only spurring him on as he slapped and then gently needed the ample flesh of your backside, “please, need you to fuck me.”

“Is that what you need, pretty girl?” he purred in your ear as he pulled back and grabbed your face in his hands, taking in the already blissed out expression on your features, “you want me to fuck you? Think you’re ready for my cock?”

“Yes,” you were practically ready to beg at this point, “I’ve been wanting it for so long.”

At your words, he almost dragged you to the small bed that was reserved for you in the corner and motioned for you to sit. You watched with eager eyes as he scrambled for the waistband of his pants and hastily pulled them down and kicked them off, letting them join your discarded clothes. He practically ripped off the rest of the beskar until he was bared in front of you, save for the helmet. His cock was already painfully hard again, standing at attention and leaking fat drops of precum.

“Can I trust you?” he asked as you nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. You’d never questioned the fact that you’d never seen his face or that he apparently just never showed it to anyone. You respected him and his decisions, and you’d never dare to push the envelope or destroy his trust. 

“Always,” you promised as he walked over to the wall and hit the switch for lights, cloaking the room in darkness. You sucked in a breath before you heard him shuffling about and the beskar helmet clanged against the metal floor. He stood in front of you, you could feel his breathing as he touched your cheek before wrapping a hand around your throat.

“Hands and knees,” he instructed with a delicious rasp, made even better by the lack of filtering from the vocoder of his helmet, “now.”

The singular word was enough to send a fresh rush of arousal through your veins, as you laid on your belly on the small cot before positioning yourself so your ass was in the air. He shuffled behind you, his large hands grazing over the soft flesh of your ass. He spread your cheeks apart before dragging a thick finger through your soaked folds. A small sound of pleasure rippled through your throat as you clutched onto the thin, scratchy blanket of the bed, “please.”

“Quiet,” it was harsh and biting as  the palm of his hand slapped your ass, the sting delicious and leaving you wanting more, “you like that, don’t you? You like being spanked, pretty girl.”

“Only by y-y-you,” before you could say anything, he slapped your ass a few more times before kneading the soft flesh to make sure the sting wasn’t too painful. 

Mando - no, Din - shifted his weight and you could feel him line himself up at your entrance. He ran the tip of his cock through your folds. A moan escaped your lips - and his - as he slowly pushed into you, giving you a brief moment to adjust to his considerable size. The stretch was amazing, the slight burn quickly turned into pleasure and you felt full, so completely full. He groaned as he bottomed out, already feeling pussy dumb by the way your velvet walls hugged him, “this - kriff - this pussy is perfect. Just like it was made for me.”

“Din,” you buried your face in your pillow as he pulled out, slowly, before thrusting sharply back into you. He was not lying when he said that he would not be gentle. His large, warm hands went to your hips as he held them in a bruising grip. You were sure you’d bear his marks for days. 

He set a bruising pace, thrusting into you with no mercy as he slammed his hips into yours. There was nothing gentle or intimate about, no - this was months and months of pent up frustration and desire coming out all at once. Din was not a talkative man, but as he fucked you into oblivion, he was whispering strings of filth and praise into your ears. All you could do was lie there as he pounded into you, so lost in your own pleasure as you became a whining mess under him.

Before he came, his arms snaked around your waist as he pulled you flush against his chest. One large hand went to play with your breasts as the other went to your clit as he rubbed and circled at the sensitive bundle of nerves. Your mouth hung open in a blissful haze as he kept going, pressing kisses into the soft skin of your skin and shoulder, alternating between nipping and sucking and making sure to leave plenty of marks so everyone knew you were his. 

“Look at you, pretty girl,” he grunted in your ear, “taking my cock so well. You love this don’t you? Getting used like this.”

“Mhmm,” you bit your lip as he kept going, kept abusing your spent pussy as he started to stutter in his thrusts, “‘m so close, please, wanna come.”

“You’re going to come on my cock,” he commanded as you nodded, “and I’m going to fill you up and make sure you know who you belong to.”

“I’m yours,” you insisted as you felt your walls clench around him and his cock start to twitch, “only yours.”

“Good girl,” he praised as he turned your head to place a rough kiss on your lips. It was the sheer act of the moment and feel of his stubble that sent you over the edge and cumming all over him. You were like jello in his arms as he held you up, giving you a few more thrusts before spilling inside and coating your walls with his cum, “ahh - fuck - so fucking good. Maker, you feel like no other. Perfect pussy - just for me.”

He held you tightly against his body as he caught his breath, the two of you breathing in sync. You thought he might pull away immediately, but instead, he pressed more kisses, chaste compared to your previous actions, down your back as he slowly lowered you onto the bed. You couldn’t even form words as you laid there, cockdumb and already feeling his arousal along with your own dripping onto your thigh. 

“You did good,” he praised gently before reaching between your legs and scooping up some of his cum that had started dripping out. You whimpered at the touch, still sensitive, and listened as he brought his fingers to his lips and sucked them clean, “but I’m not done with you yet.”

Din gently flipped you onto your back so you were lying face up and exposed to him. He sat between your legs and slowly spread them apart, admiring his handy work. He leaned back before climbing off the small and getting on his knees, pulling you towards his face. Just as you had gotten on your knees for him, he kneeled only for you. 

“Din,” you sighed contentedly as he kissed along your inner thighs, working his way back to your dripping heat. He nuzzled his nose against you, taking a moment to take it all in, “already so much."

"Come on, honey," his voice was like liquid gold as he reached up and touched your breasts, cupping them easily in his large hands, "you've got another one in you. I know you do. Aren't you a good girl?"

"Mhmm," you arched into his touch as he rolled your nipples between his fingers. How this infuriating man got you to become a pile of mush in his hands you'd never know, but you definitely weren't going to question it. He leaned up and kissed your hips before burying his face between your legs, "I'm your good girl."

And with those words, he licked a long stripe up your soaked folds, still soaked from your combined juices. His nose, which you presumed was aquiline in nature, nudged your clit as he ate you like a starving man. You were the shining prize, glimmering in the distance, and he was the wrecked man crossing the desert to get to you.

This time you didn't even bother to hold back as you mewled and cried, tears of pleasure and overstimulation welling up at the corners of your eyes and sliding down your cheeks. Din hummed in content as he licked and suckled at you, making sure to focus on your clit as you came completely undone.

Reaching down, you carded a hand through his locks - curls - as you pressed his face against your aching core. You could practically feel him smirking against you as he slipped a few fingers inside to join his ministrations. Expertly curling his thick fingers, he quickly found the sweet spot that made your toes curls and you see stars.

"Almost there," he grinned as he gave you a moment of reprieve before diving right back in, "I can feel that perfect cunt squeezing around me. Taste so good, pretty girl."

"D-Din," his name falling from your tongue was like pure magic as he became transfixed by how it sounded. Your mouth dropped open in a small O as your legs shook around him. He pulled his fingers from you as he held down your hips in order to keep you from squirming away from him, "feelssogood - makerohstars - Dindindin."

"Come all over my face, pretty girl," his tongue darted into you for a few moments before he gave your clit a harsh suckle. That was all it took before you came again, screwing your eyes shut as he worked your through your orgasm, lapping up every bit of your juices, refusing to waste even a drop, "there you are - taste so fucking good. Perfect."

He was relentless until he was sure you were completely done and a practical ragdoll on the bed. Slowly, he pulled back from you, trailing light kisses up your body, stopping when he got your face. Almost as if he was able to see even in the almost complete darkness, he wiped away your remaining tears. He hesitated for a moment for leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. You sighed softly as you rolled onto your side and scooted closer to the wall, making room for him. 

It was a big thing you were doing, boundaries had been crossed and blurred and any rules you'd previously had were thrown out the window. Neither of you were sure what came next.

But you did know that you didn't want him to leave - not yet anyway.

"Din?" you asked softly as he pulled the blanket over your spent body; he was surprisingly gentle for a man that had just sent you to heaven and hell and back. 

"Yes, pretty girl?" 

"Will you stay?" your voice was small as you prepared yourself for defeat and for him to leave.

"Yes," he whispered softly as he slid in under the blanket and next to you, "I'd like that."

"Me too," you admitted as he shifted and pulled you in his arms so you could lay your head on his chest, listening to the steady thump thump of his heart, "Din?"

“Hmm?”

"I'm in charge next time," you smirked lightly as you kissed his soft skin. He inhaled sharply but you could tell he was into it. The man might have just been in charge, but you had a feeling he might like being told what to do as well - and you were going to find out, "I want to ride you."

"Kriff," he groaned under his breath, "You're going to be the death of me, little brat."

"I'll make it worth your while," you promised with a small yawn, "I'll have you crying in no time - begging me for mercy."

“Mhmm.”

“You’re going to be a good boy for me, right?” it was your turn to put your hand on his throat and give it a gentle, but firm squeeze as he stiffened at the feeling, “I know you’re a good boy, Din.”

“Fuck.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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[janetbrown711]

All the Medicine

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Julieta awakes very sick one morning and realizes her emergency stash of food is out.

Many years pre-canon, tw for illness and fainting

Ao3 Link

.o0o.

Julieta Madrigal’s gift could heal any physical ailment in the village. No disease or injury was ever too much… if she got there in time, that is to say. But most times if she couldn’t, one of her special extra stocks of arepas or empanadas or hard candies would be sent out. All of this is to say, Julieta Madrigal handled everything thrown at her with grace and a readiness no one else in the family– save for Abuela Alma– had within them.

So the first thing Julieta Madrigal did when she woke up barely able to move from chills, back pain, and extreme nausea, was send Agustín to get her her emergency stash.

To his horror, her emergency stash was empty. He searched everywhere, under the cabinets, in drawers, in her storage baskets, in the icebox, in drawers, everywhere he could possibly think of (all the while trying his best not to injure himself along the way).

“Agustín? What are you searching for? And where is Julieta? She’s usually cooking by now,” Pepa startled the man, causing him to hit his head on a cabinet.

“She’s- uh- under the weather,” He said, rubbing the sore spot.

“And you’re looking for her stash?” She asked. Agustín nodded. Pepa immediately understood and began searching with her brother in law right away, but they quickly reached the same conclusion that her stashes were empty or missing.

“How bad is it, Agustín?” Pepa asked, checking one of the cabinets for the fifth time just to make sure arepas hadn’t appeared since she last checked.

“She hasn’t gotten up from bed yet– she asked me to find one before Alma or the girls woke up,” Agustín checked too, but knew all he’d see were empty baskets. A storm cloud started to form over Pepa’s head as her forehead pressed into worried wrinkles.

“Well… I guess I can start on breakfast for her if you tell her about the empty stash. Maybe she can make her own when she’s ready,” Pepa suggested, clearly not in love with the idea herself. Agustín nodded, going back upstairs as Pepa started to gather pots and pans.

“Julieta, mi amor?” Agustín knocked on the door, finding Julieta still in bed. She only mumbled in response.

“Amor, I think your special stash ran out. Do you think you’ll be able to make anything today?” He asked. Julieta nodded, sitting herself up carefully, trying to ignore the flashing pains down her spine.

“Is Pepa making breakfast?” She asked, hearing the noise from downstairs. Agustín nodded.

“I must’ve slept so late… I thought it was still early,” Julieta swung her legs off the bed, and after ignoring a chill or two, stood, leaning against the bedpost.

“Juli, if you still need to rest, you should,” her husband rushed to her side after seeing her struggle.

“I can handle myself,” She smiled weakly, knowing it was utter bullshit. Whatever this was, she hadn’t had it before because it felt her whole body was melting and yet ice cold with every step she took, her nerves being shot up her spine. It was new, it was painful, and she hated every moment of it thus far.

“Let me help you down the stairs,” He went to take her hand when a pounding at the door stopped his train of thought.

“Papaaaaaaa!!! Isa took my doll!!!!” Luisa pounded against their bedroom door.

“Did not!! It’s probably just lost in that giant room of yours!” Isabella protested down the hall.

Agustín sighed. “Isa-”

“It’s okay, you can solve this. I’ll be fine going on my own,” Julieta told him with a small smile.

“Are you sure?” He wanted to be certain.

“Papa!!!” The eight-year-old banged on the door more.

“Coming, mi hija!” Agustín called out, glancing at Julieta nervously, but knowing he had to address his daughters, left with much remorse.

Julieta was glad. She was determined to cook so that she could feel better, and there was no way she could feign wellness with Agustín right next to her. Frankly, she had no idea how she was even going to make it out of the bedroom, but the family and village needed her– needed her gifts.

Mirabel was only four for crying out loud- she would need her. Plus, it was also Julieta’s day to watch Camilo and Mira since Pepa would be going out to the farms with Félix later today.

And so, the eldest triplet took in deep breaths as she walked, ignoring the traveling chills that painfully crawled up her spine with every step and made her way out of her room, also ignoring how much nausea threatened to take over.

She paused before opening the door, taking many deep breaths to gather herself as much as possible, preparing herself for the feigned smiles she’d have to make till she was done cooking.

When she did open the door, she saw Agustín dealing with Luisa and Isabella by one of Castia’s many balconies. They appeared to be much calmer, and she couldn’t help but genuinely smile a little.  “Julieta? If you’re here, then who’s preparing breakfast?” Julieta’s chipper brother in law asked.

“Pepa’s handling it for the moment, I’m just a tad bit under the weather,” She lied again.

Félix nodded understandingly. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t feel too bad, I’ll cook myself something and be just fine in no time,” She assured.

“Stash run out?” He asked. Julieta nodded.

“This week has been rough with all the mosquitos,” Julieta was referring to the humidity, of course. It was the one weather that had nothing to do with Pepa’s moods and more to do with the course of nature and summer being what it was.

“Sounds rough. Are you sure you’re–” Félix was going to press further, but Dolores had suddenly appeared by his side and tapped his shoulder.

“Papa, where is Mami?” She asked.

Félix  turned to talk to his eldest, and Julieta took that as her opportunity to leave. She took rushed and sharp steps towards the railing, which she held very tightly as she made her way down the stairs, trying to remain as casual as possible. It seemed even Castia had started to pick up after a while, as the stairs started to move for her. While it sent her nausea spiraling, she thanked her home for the gesture regardless.

“Julieta– there you are! I decided to make some caldo de costilla and I forget how many potatoes I need,” Pepa was relieved to see her much less culinarily challenged sister in the kitchen.

“No more than four, let’s not overdo it,” Julieta said, glancing at the twelve potatoes on the counter. Pepa smiled sheepishly, quickly scrambling to put the extras away. Julieta bit her lip as she was forced to let go of the stair’s railing and she took painfully small steps forward, ignoring the wave of heat that came from being so close to the stew. The smell made her want to pass out alone, but Julieta had to remain strong– she wasn’t going to be the only sick one today. She had to work, she had to-

“Julieta? Why is Pepa making breakfast today? And why aren’t you dressed” Alma had emerged from her bedroom and into the kitchen as well.

Shit, shit, shit. She couldn’t have her Mamá notice she wasn’t working or trying to work.

“She’s a little under the weather, Mamá. I’m just starting something up for her while she makes herself something,” Pepa covered for her, a thin nervous cloud starting to form.

“And… Agustín or Félix or Bruno couldn’t cover because…?” Alma said what the rest were probably thinking. Pepa was one of the worst chefs in the family, next to the literal children (and even Isa could probably make a better arepa). However, she considered it a sisterly duty to at least attempt every once in a while, and for the most part the family humored her (though would usually require a snack or dessert from Julieta later to make up for it).

“Leave her be, Mamá. It’s a nice gesture,” Julieta whispered as Pepa went back to cooking, the cloud now thundering slightly. Alma listened, bringing her attention to her eldest, her brow quickly furrowing in worry.

“Are you alright, mi hija?” She asked. Julieta froze.

Alma was never one to be concerned for illnesses– especially because of Julieta’s gift. But even to her siblings she would often suggest they tough colds and bruises out so there’d be enough food for the townspeople. For the almighty Alma Madrigal to be considered was to… well…

To look like absolute shit.

“I’m fine, Mamá, nothing my gift can’t fix,” She feigned a smile.

“Tie your hair up before going into the kitchen. We don’t need any hairs in that stew of Pepas,” Alma said, not totally convinced by Julieta’s words, but still a very busy woman.

“Lo se Mamá,” Julieta nodded as her mother walked away. Internally, she cringed for not even noticing her hair was down– it was probably the biggest giveaway she was unwell. Carefully and slowly Julieta sat at the table and gathered her hair into her regular bun, albeit much looser and likely much messier. She would’ve done better, but her arms were on fire as she lifted and fought with the tangled and slightly damp coils of hair to force them into her desired shape.

When she tried to stand once more, she quickly became frustrated at the difficulty. The smell of the stew began to overwhelm her fatigued and nauseous body and all of her strength sank down into her legs. She could barely lift a finger after doing her hair. Biting her lip, she remained seated at the table.

“Mami! Camilo keeps calling for you in the nursery- oh! Hola tía Julieta. Sorry I didn't say that earlier,” Little Dolores appeared beside the ill woman once more.

“In a moment, Dolores, I’m helping Tía make breakfast. Unless… you ready to trade off?”  Pepa looked at her sister.

“Of course,” Julieta said without hesitation, desperately choking out the little voice that said otherwise in her head.

Pepa quickly followed her daughter out of the kitchen, leaving Julieta alone once more. Quickly (and nearly causing her to double over in aches and pains) she stood and went to the pot of stew, cursing the fact her gift required full authenticity to work.

When she was young she had wanted nothing more than to just sprinkle salt on something for her gift to work, but it was “cheating” as Alma had always put it and so it yielded no healing powers. Julieta wanted to make an arepa, but knew such activity would send her over the edge. And so, Julieta watched over the stew, adding some salt and garlic, as well as removing some of the excess potato.

Slowly but surely the family members began to gather round the breakfast table, and it was Julieta’s job to bring the pot to the serving table. She knew she couldn’t, that if she did it would just fall on her foot and then that’d be another problem she couldn’t fix.

“Oooh! Mama, can I take it?” Luisa appeared to her left (what was with all these silent children?? Was she going def now??).

“Ah, I think it’s best I take the pot to the table,” Agustín was quick to interrupt (thank god for that). Louisa frowned, but followed her father out of the kitchen.

As if filling out a checklist, it was Bruno who walked in next, though his purpose was to simply grab the bowls and spoons. However, he stopped midway through his task when he noticed his sister still hadn’t moved from her position, leaning against the counter.

“Are- uh… are you okay?” Bruno asked, setting the bowls and spoons down. Julieta nodded.

Yeah, he didn’t buy that.

“I just… I need to just move to go eat breakfast. I’ll feel better and then I’ll cook myself something and I’ll be fine,” Julieta stated her plan.

“Sounds like a plan..?” Bruno was confused by the words and body language conveying two completely different messages: one direct, the other slumped over and clearly struggling. “Do you need any help?” he offered his hand.

“No, no. I’ll be there in a minute. I just need to move,” Julieta shook her head, regretting it once more as the pain crawled down her spine with a sharp chill.

“Woah- Julieta, are you sure? That looked-”

“I’m fine , Bruno,” She turned to face him, but a similar wave crashed over her. Unfortunately, this wave was much, much stronger and suddenly the tiles underneath her began to shift and the walls began to spin.

“Julieta..?” Bruno stepped closer cautiously.

“I-i’m fine, Bruno. I just… I need to go.” Julieta stepped back quickly– too quickly. The room quickly began to spin around her, and when she tried to step to catch her balance, the aches flared up and she could only cringe at the pain. She tried to take deep breaths to stop the swirling, but it was all for nothing, as she soon lost control, and passed out from the pain and fatigue, hitting the floor with a thud.

“Julieta!!!”

[vampiregirl1797]

The Starlight Stone

GIF not mine.

Rhysand x Reader

Word Count: 4,898

Summary: Y/N comes from a different reality, where the characters and world she’s now living in, exist in a series of books. Rhysand takes her in, and she learns how to do something she’s never managed before… live.

Warnings: Can’t think of any? If I’ve missed anything, let me know.

Masterlist Here :)

Falling in love with new characters was as easy as breathing for me. In fact it was so easy, that before I realised it, I was only falling for them. Reading became an escape for me, a teenage girl without a shred of self-confidence, used to being the overlooked one in a group of friends, used to not attracting any kind of male attention. It was perfect, because the men I fell in love with always loved me back, never hurt me with the crushing pain of rejection, never thought I wasn’t pretty enough, or skinny enough. They loved me for me.  

I just never imagined I’d wake up in one of the fictional world’s I’d read about, and come face to face with the High Lord I’d most recently falling for. I’d arrived several months ago, and of course hadn’t been able to keep a thing from the High Lord of the Night Court who’d found me trespassing on his lands. He’d gone into my head, not too far, but far enough to assess whether I was a threat to him or his people. He discovered pretty quickly that I had absolutely no skill set to be a threat, and that I absolutely was not from his world.  

He’d found the concept of Prynthian being presented in a series of books both interesting and amusing, as well as him and his friends existing as characters within the novels. I was just glad he hadn’t gone far enough to find how invested I got in each of the books I read, and those who existed within them, him being one of those people. It would have been mortifying and I had wondered on more than one occasion what his reaction would be. But coming face to face with a man who had been fictional to me, and then become real overnight… it had thrown me into my insecurities. Into taking my feelings for the High Lord and shoving them down as far as I could.  

‘Y/N?’ I was snapped out of my thoughts by Cassian popping his head into my room. Rhys had offered me a room at his town house when I first got here, and I’d never left. He’d offered the money to buy my own place, but I hadn’t been comfortable with the idea of that at the time, and now I had a place on his court, along with a wage of my own, but this had become my home.  

‘Hey Cass, what’s up?’ I smiled, patting the empty space beside me on the enormous bed; in my world I’d never had bigger than a single, and this was about three singles put together.  

‘Not much, I was gonna go into town for a little while, do you want to come with?’ His hazel eyes studied me with warmth and kindness, which was probably what had made me comfortable around him so quickly. He’d never looked at me with the disinterest I was used to being on the receiving end of from men; he saw me as a person and I appreciated him for it.

‘Sure. Anything in particular you’re after?’ I wondered letting my hair down from the messy bun I’d pulled it up onto when I’d come to relax in my room.  

He shrugged, trying and failing to be nonchalant, ‘not really. Just felt like getting out.’

I sighed, shuffling to the edge of the bed to slip on my boots, ‘Rhys sent you to check up on me didn’t he? Let me guess, he thinks I’m becoming a depressed recluse?’  

Cass gave me a look that was a mixture of concern and exasperation, ‘Rhys worries about you because you never leave the house. He doesn’t think you’re depressed, but he worries you’re not living either. You lose yourself in books, and you barely speak to anyone, even me.’  

I turned away, pretending to busy myself with lacing up my shoes to hide the tear that slid down my cheek. Rhys was more observant than I gave him credit for. The truth was, since I’d gotten here, I’d basically been living the same as I had before; reading, sleeping, eating and more reading. I ate meals with everyone sometimes, but more often than not, I allowed the new fictional worlds offered to me here to consume me. I’d never been called out on it before. No one had ever cared enough to notice that I wasn’t just reading because I loved it, I was reading to escape the life I didn’t know how to live.  

‘I-I’ I stuttered, forcing myself to stop and take a breath.

‘Hey,’ Cassian’s voice softened and he shuffled beside me on the bed to sling a muscular arm over my shoulder. My head went to his chest, not even trying to hold back my tears anymore, it seemed pointless when he could probably scent them anyway, ‘I didn’t say this to upset you, just to let you know that you’re family to us now, Y/N, and we care about you. We want you to live and enjoy life, not to fall solely in love with fictional places.’  

‘This place was just a fictional place to me once.’ I murmured quietly.

‘And now you get to be here, and still choose to read yourself to death.’ He teased, chuckling softly.  

I smiled, wiping away the moisture from my cheeks, because he was right. Rhys was right. I had been blessed with the opportunity to live in a reality I’d once yearned for with all my heart, and I’d been wasting it. Why? Because I was afraid to face the feelings I had for a certain High Lord, feelings that had only blossomed since coming here, despite my best efforts to avoid him. I’d been throwing myself into reading because I wanted to live in the fantasy that he would return my feelings for a little longer. But that had to stop. I wasn’t immortal here—at least I didn’t think so, I didn’t have Fae characteristics and I didn’t have any powers—and it was time to stop squandering my life being a scaredy cat.  

‘You’re right. Rhys is right.’ I moved away from Cassian’s chest, wiping all evidence of my tears away, ‘lets go into Velaris. I’ve always wanted to stroll through the City and take everything in. It looks so beautiful from up here.’  

Cassian grinned, and allowed me to pull him from the bed, and just like that we left the town house and were swallowed by the life of Velaris.  

Six Months Later

‘I don’t think so.’ I shook my head, levelling the Shadowsinger with a no-nonsense glare, ‘it’s the Winter Solstice, which is the first one I’m spending here, it’s basically Christmas, and it’s a family holiday. You’re not flying off to wherever the heck you’re planning to go, with only your shadows for company.’  

His hazel eyes were blank but he visibly stiffened. I sighed, realising that telling Azriel what he could and couldn’t do was not my place, and it definitely wasn’t the best approach.  

‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to act like I’m your keeper or anything.’ I stood from the couch where I’d been sitting, to move to where he stood in front of the fire. I placed a hand on his shoulder, and relaxed a little when he didn’t shrug me off, ‘it’s just… this means something to me. Back in my old reality, we had Christmas, which was something similar. We’d all gather, exchange presents, decorate a tree, hang decorations… but what made it special to me was the time spent with the people I loved. With the people I considered family. You’re my family now, Azriel. You, Cass, Ameren, Mor… and Rhys. Obviously it’s your choice, but if you could afford to, please don’t leave until after the holiday.’  

I thought his eyes had softened at my words, but honestly it was hard to tell with the Shadowsinger. I left him alone to think over my words, kissing his cheek as I made my way outside; I still had some things left to buy for everyone. I’d gone a little overboard, but I couldn’t help it. I’d pretty much finished Mor and Ameren, I had a few last things to pick up for Cassian and Azriel, and the majority I’d left to buy were for Rhys. I already knew what I was going to get him, and most were already purchased and wrapped at each store, I’d just waited until now to get them, because while Rhys was trusted with everyone else’s presents… well giving him his own gifts just didn’t seem right. It might just have been me, but I felt like it took away the surprise, at least a little bit.  

I smiled as I walked through the city, nodding in greeting to a few friendly people. Since that talk Cassian had with me six months ago, I’d started venturing out of the townhouse more and more. I still read, but it was for the fun of it now, rather than the escape from reality. I’d fallen in love with Velaris. The city was beautiful, and teeming with life and acceptance and peace… seeing it first hand really made me appreciate the efforts Rhys and everyone had gone through to protect this place, to make it a home.  

‘Hey girl!’ Ameren’s voice had me looking to my right, to see her running across the cobblestone street to catch up to me, ‘you wouldn’t be out to purchase my Winter Solstice presents now would you?’ she grinned, her silver eyes sparkling with more life than usual.

I playfully rolled my eyes, ‘even if I was, I wouldn’t tell you. Your otherworld intimidation doesn’t work on me, Ren.’  

She huffed, but I could see the amusement swirling in her silver irises, ‘fine. It amazes me sometimes though,’ she mused, going on to explain, ‘Cassian cracked like an egg in two seconds, told me what he’d got me straight away. But you’re immune to what makes me scary to people around here.’  

I chuckled, being able to picture Cassian folding perfectly, ‘I wouldn’t say I’m the only one. And Cassian doesn’t prove anything, he’s like a big kid with this stuff. I’ve had to actually shush him to keep him from telling me about my presents, I think the excitement just gets to him. Now if you told me you’d broken Azriel, I’d be impressed.’  

She huffed a laugh and tilted her head in acknowledgement of my words, ‘yeah, you might be right. He didn’t only tell me what he’d gotten me, he told me about everyone else’s too.’  

I rolled my eyes affectionately, ‘that boy.’  

‘Indeed.’ She shook her head, but when she met my eyes again the wicked glint in them made me brace myself slightly, ‘so what are you getting our High Lord?’  

‘I’m on my way to pick up Rhys’ presents now. You can come with me if you want, so long as you don’t spoil anything.’ I gave her a pointed look and grinned at her offended look.  

‘I’m not the gossip Cassian is, thank you very much, girl,’ she waved her hand dismissively, ‘anyway, I was just wondering if you were finally going to gift him with the truth.’

‘Who?’ I frowned, pulling open the door to the blacksmith’s—I’d requested a few specific weapons for Azriel, Cassian and Rhys, each custom made and fit to them specifically, ‘what truth?’

She opened her mouth to reply, but was had to wait until the blacksmith had handed over the three weapons he’d perfectly made for me. Azriel and Cassian had plenty of swords and knives and daggers, but their abundance in bows and arrows was clear. I’d seen them practice with the same one, and I doubted they had any specific for battle, which seemed a waste when they could both fly. So I’d asked the blacksmith to create some custom for them, and both now had their own bow, plenty of arrows and a quiver. Their names were engraved inside the buttery leather of their quivers, and each were made to be lightweight and able to be worn whilst flying without losing any arrows.

For Rhys I’d asked for a pair of daggers to be crafted. I’d seen him with a couple of swords, and I was sure he already had daggers too, but picking this particular weapon had just felt right, even if I knew it was likely he possessed some already. Each was pure silver, one held an amethyst stone at the hilt, while the other held an onyx stone. One for his eyes, the other for his court.  

It was when we exited the shop that Ameren decided to resume her train of thought that I’d almost forgotten about, ‘the truth that you are in love with Rhys.’

It took a lot of effort not to stumble from shock, ‘what?’

‘Don’t play dumb. It’s obvious. Has been for months,’ she smirked, ‘we have bets on when you’re going to tell him. I have over the Solstice, so if you could do a girl a favour and tell him already, the winnings will be mine.’

‘Not to put a damper on your betting habits,’ I pulled her hand towards another shop I needed to go into, ‘but I’ve not got any “truth” to reveal to Rhys.’  

She swore under her breath, ‘I knew I should have had spring, but there’s me being the optimist thinking you would have grown some balls and realised what we’ve all already seen by now.’

I frowned, ‘what the hell are you talking about Ameren?’

‘Rhys loves you just as much as you love him. Actually knowing him, he probably loves you even more, but he’s as much of a coward as you.’ She rolled her eyes, tucking her onyx hair behind her ear as I accepted another bag full of pre-wrapped presents for Rhys.

‘You can’t be serious.’ I didn’t know what else to say… the idea of him feeling a fraction of the love I had for him made my heart pound in my chest. I couldn’t fathom it.

‘Honestly, you’re both blind.’ She shook her head, but let the subject drop, and I was glad. Talking any more might have launched me into a full-blown panic attack.

I’d admitted to myself that fallen in love with the High Lord three months ago—for a long time I’d fought it, convincing myself I was just in love with the fictional version of him. But that theory had gone down the toilet when he’d laughed—really laughed—at a joke Cassian made, and I’d been powerless to stop myself from being overwhelmed with happiness at his happiness. It was then I accepted I was an idiot in love with a man I’d never have. But Ameren saying he did feel the same, well it made me panic because I’d never considered it a possibility before—I’d never had a man interested in me before, and the idea of it, the unfamiliarity, made me panic. So I forced it down and made myself focus on collecting the rest of my gifts.  

//

The morning of Winter Solstice saw me rising bright and early, eager as a kid on Christmas morning. I realised that we wouldn’t be exchanging presents until the evening, after we’d all eaten, but I couldn’t tamper my excitement. So after I’d showered and dressed in leggings and a white woolly jumper, I headed to the living room to put the finishing touches on the decorations. Everything was basically done, but Rhys had found an eight-foot pine tree; I’d been telling him about the traditions of Christmas in my old reality, and he’d surprised me yesterday with a real tree. I’d hugged him tightly for it, unable to hold back my tears of gratitude at his thoughtfulness, and declared we’d have to decorate it tomorrow, after it had time to settle in the room overnight. A part of me wondered if he’d remember, but my doubt floated away upon the sight of him standing in the living room, observing the tree like he was sizing up an opponent on the battlefield. The thought made me chuckle, and he looked up to me with a smile.  

‘Good morning.’ I murmured, coming over to join him, ‘is there a reason you seem to be sizing up this poor, defenceless tree?’  

He grinned, his violet eyes sparkling with mirth, ‘well, other than the fact that it’s bigger than me and has an unfair advantage size-wise,’ I missed his soft smile as I laughed again, ‘I was simply wondering exactly how we’re going to decorate it.’

I softened with understanding, ‘well, lucky for you, I’m ridiculously prepared.’ I moved to pull out the box I’d stored behind the tree last night, after retrieving it from one of the shops in the art district. Magic was such a blessing here, and after I’d explained what I’d needed, and demonstrated with some awful drawings, they’d had everything made within a few hours. I pulled a few ornaments out, marvelling at the craftsmen’s ship for a moment before hanging them on the tree; there was a mixture of circular shapes and stars, in amethyst, silver, blue and black. They’d also crafted a silver star to go on top of the tree, fashioned after the star that always shone the brightest in the night sky of Velaris on the first night of Winter Solstice. It was so well made, I’d been struck speechless by how realistic it looked; as if they had plucked the star straight from the sky.  

I nudged the box closer to Rhys with my foot, ‘just hang them however you want, like this.’ I gestured to the few I’d put on and smiled when he reached in and immediately followed instructions.  

‘You know, if I used my magic I could have this done in under a minute.’ He commented, looking at me from the corner of his eye as if he knew my reaction before I voiced it.

‘Absolutely not! Decorating by hand is part of the fun, and the tradition.’ I protested, flicking his shoulder when I noticed his smirk, ‘if you use a flicker of magic, then there will be no presents for you.’

I frowned at the look of surprise in his eyes and he must have noticed my confusion because he said, his voice soft, ‘I didn’t think you’d gotten me anything. I didn’t mind, of course, I’m just surprised.’  

‘Why would you think that?’ I turned to face him fully, ignoring the task of decorating for the moment.

‘Because you didn’t give them to me to hide.’ He shrugged, carefully placing another ornament onto the tree, ‘and I never expect gifts, from anyone regardless. I went a long time being consumed by disappointment after my mother and sister died, because my father never cared for the holiday before. But after their deaths, it bore a reminder of another year of them being gone. Then he and I enacted our revenge, and it was a while before Morrigan, Cassian and I were able to spend the Solstice together.’  

I pulled him into a hug, winding my arms around his neck and not flinching at the appearance of his wings. They didn’t often appear without purpose unless he was feeling a strong emotion, but I didn’t question it when they cocooned us, his warmth radiating all around me.  

‘I didn’t give you any to hide because I felt like it took away from the surprise of the holiday if I was asking you to keep your own presents.’ I murmured into his neck, missing the small shiver that passed through him, ‘I’m sorry, that you had to spend so many Solstice’s alone, Rhys. But you have a family now, one that would sooner die than leave you.’

He held me a little tighter, and I returned the gesture, burrowing further into his neck and wondering if I was imagining the increased heartbeat I could feel against my chest, or if I were perhaps mistaking it for my own.

//

I smiled from my seat in the armchair, enjoying the warmth emanating from the fire, and from the mug of hot chocolate I held in my hands. We had just had Winter Solstice dinner, and were taking it in turns to open our presents.  

Ameren had gone first, and was grinning so wide it was almost scary at all of the jewels everyone had bought for her. Cassian had mostly been gifted weapons from everyone but Mor and me—she’d given him a sweater in the brightest green I’d ever seen, and I’d also gifted him some of his favourite liquor, a box of chocolates that Rhys had mentioned his mother got the General every year for solstice, some new books on war strategy, a new set of Illyrian leathers, and the bow and arrows I’d gotten him.

Azriel had also gained an abundance of weapons, along with a startlingly bright pair of purple socks from Mor, and some of his favourite liquor, a series of books on adventure and war I had a feeling he would enjoy, and a new set of Illyrian leathers and his new bow and arrows, from me. Mor had been given high quality clothing from everyone, and some of her favourite chocolates, wine, bath foams and salts from me. Rhys had been given a set of old leather bound books from Ameren, a Hawaiian themed shirt from Mor—mother knew where she found that—, what looked like a six-pack of beer from Cassian that had Rhys shaking his head with a reluctant smile, and a new set of Illyrian leathers from Azriel. I’d given him his new set of daggers, some of the chocolates Cassian had mentioned his mother and sister gifted him every Solstice, a painting that captured the beauty of Velaris perfectly, and something else I hadn’t yet presented to him.  

I’d actually left the other gift in his room, on his pillow; it was a pendant that had caught my eye when I was buying Ameren’s Solstice gifts. The shop attendant had noticed my stare and pulled it out from beneath the glass—it wasn’t overly huge; about the size of a bottle cap. It was antique silver, with a stone at the centre that was so beautiful I’d been unable to look away from it. It reminded me of the night sky, to put it plainly. It was so blue I thought it was sapphire, but the flashes of pure light that I saw when I turned it reminded me of shooting stars. The attendant had explained it was a pendant often presented to a perspective partner as a way of showing your intentions—as a way of showing your love for them. It was often the step before the mating bond sparked, to acknowledge what you already felt for them. She mentioned that it was an out dated tradition, and many only bought the Starlight stone now purely because it was beautiful.  

I didn’t know what possessed me to buy it. Maybe it was the possibility that he wouldn’t even know what it meant, maybe it was because a part of me wanted to tell him, and this was the only way I could muster the courage to do it. Either way, I’d left the small wrapped present on his black silk pillow before I’d joined the party tonight. And I’d had knots in my stomach about it since. A part of me wanted to excuse myself and take it back, but I forced that anxious part of my brain to shut up, because as much as it terrified me… I had to tell Rhys how I felt somehow, even if it meant that he didn’t feel the same way.

//

After the events of the evening, I decided to have a bath before I went to bed; Cassian and Azriel had passed out in the living room, one on the floor, the other on the sofa, but both were snoring loudly. Mor had made it to her room on the first floor, and Ameren had returned to her apartment. Rhys had said something about flying over the city before he turned in, and I was too awake with nerves to just slip straight into bed. So I ran some warm water into the gigantic tub that looked as if it would overflow onto the mountain below, and added some of my favourite bath foams that scented of lavender and honey—a gift from Az. I forced myself to breathe and just not think, and when my eyes started to droop I climbed out of the cooling water to dry off. I changed into the new silk gown Mor had gifted me for Solstice, and entered my bedroom only to stop short.  

My heart stopped at the sight of Rhys sitting on the edge of my bed… and then picked up triple speed. He was wearing loose pyjama pants, and no shirt… and he was holding the gift box I’d left on his pillow. The lid was missing and he was staring at the pendant inside. I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest to hide how my hands shook.

‘Hey.’ I bit my lip, unsure about what to do. Should I sit next to him? Stay standing in front of the fire about three feet away from him? Ask him if he liked the gift? Ask him if he knew what it meant?  

His violet eyes lifted to meet mine, and I felt a wave of uncertainty wash over me at the guarded look in them, ‘do you know what this stone means?’ he asked, his voice quiet as he carefully held up the box, as if its contents were precious to him, ‘are you aware of the tradition that exists in Velaris? About what it means when someone presents this stone to another person?’

I took a deep breath, my heart pounding even faster now, and I was pretty sure I was starting to sweat. I wished I could read him better, wished I could know if he was hoping I knew, or hoping I didn’t. But he was a master of hiding his emotions, so I decided to go with the truth.

‘Yes, I know what it means.’ I admitted quietly, and knew if he didn’t have advanced hearing he wouldn’t have been able to make out the words; I could barely hear myself say them.

‘No, tell me. Tell me why you gave this to me.’ His eyes were still guarded, but his voice held a tinge of desperation, a tone I couldn’t resist from him.

‘I gave you that stone because the attendant at the jewellery store told me that the Starlight stone is what you give to a perspective partner, to acknowledge what you already feel for them, before the mating bond has sparked.’ I could feel the wariness on my face as he stood from the edge of the bed, stopping right in front of me.  

He tilted my chin up to meet his eyes with his index finger and whispered, ‘and what is it you feel for me, Y/N?’

‘I love you Rhys.’ I admitted softly, missing the way his eyes softened as my gaze fell to his lips.

His hand caressed my cheek, his thumb moving back and forth across my cheekbone. I was powerless to stop myself melting into his touch, and felt my eyes sheen with tears when I saw the affectionate look in his eyes. I watched as the dark mist of his magic swirled around the pendant, and lifted it from the box to secure it around his neck. My hand went to rest against his chest, where the pendant lay against his skin.

‘I love you too, Y/N darling.’ He murmured, wiping away the tears that fell silently down my cheeks.  

I vaguely heard the gift box fall to the floor, his free hand now landing on my hip and pulling me flush against his body. My arms wound around his neck, my fingers going to his silky soft hair as his mouth covered mine.

//

One Year Later

‘I’m just saying, Cassian is a great name for a tiny warrior.’ Cass grinned from the sofa, across from where Rhys and I sat in the love seat he’d bought for us about a year ago.  

‘Absolutely not.’ Rhys drawled, his hand gently moving back and forth across my swollen belly.

‘Do you have names picked out?’ Mor asked, her face holding the beaming expression that was always present when we were talking about the baby.

‘We do,’ I murmured, Rhys and I shared a secret smile at Mor’s squeal of excitement.  

‘We’re not revealing anything until the baby is born.’ Rhys grinned at the sounds of disapproval from his cousin and Cassian.  

‘You’re boring.’ The war General grumbled.

We all chuckled at his childish behaviour and I felt my expression soften with affection when Rhys leaned over to kiss my baby bump, murmuring words about how his uncle Cassian would always be the biggest baby in the family. Cassian grumbled louder, much to our amusement. My hand fell to Rhys hair, idly playing with the strands. He kissed my forehead and my eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of contentment that washed over me.  

Home. This was home.

[narrators-journal]

Hello, I really like your work! and i would like to know if you can make yandere killua and yandere illumi fighting each other for the reader. The reader is a friend of Killua and is the same age as him, 18 years old.

Alright! This might be a bit iffy in parts because I never write actual confrontations, but I hope it's enjoyable! I couldn't really slip in some real yandere behavior, so I kinda implied it to keep things short lol.

Killua'd known you for a while now, about two years, from the age of 16 to now, his eighteenth birthday, and he liked you quite a bit. Because of this, the silver-haired man had begun to keep an even stricter eye on you than he had in the past. That's why you were tagging along to Killua's family home with him and Gon to let his family celebrate so that he could keep you safe and close. Besides, he'd rather you met Illumi under his watch than on the roads and by complete chance. So, Alluka was safely in a secure hotel room and you were walking up to the gates to Hades with him and Gon. "You sure you can't just do this over the phone?" You asked, your (e/c) eyes swimming with concern for him, it made his stomach flutter with butterflies. "Nah, my mom would have a fit if I didn't come home for my eighteenth birthday. But, if they try to introduce me to a 'nice girl', we run." That made you and Gon both giggle, but nod. Despite it being silly, the three of you knew it was highly likely. It would be too much to ask that Illumi and Milluki be the favored ones. Killua thought bitterly as he spotted the gates to Hades up ahead, but no. He and Illumi were something akin to the favorites out of his five siblings, the most 'loved' was Killua, he was the heir, so of course he was expected to breed and carry on the line, but Illumi was the eldest, so he too was expected to find a wife and have children. It was an awful fate that some part of Killua, deep down, felt sorry for his brother over, but it was a small portion.

With a firm shake of his head, Killua shooed the thoughts away and huffed at the doors that he now stood in front of, "We'll do our best to get out quickly," Gon chirped, giving the white-haired assassin a confident smile, which he returned, "Yeah! Real quick," he confirmed, before leading them to the testing gates and easily opening them all. "Y'know (y/n), each of those doors is supposed to be 2 tons each? and each bigger one is twice the weight of the corresponding one!" Gon boasted, bringing an astounded look to your face, "Holy shit, really?! Isn't that...128 tons though?" Gon nodded "Yep! Killua can open them all," he boasted, beaming with pride in his friend, ignoring the pink-cheeked glare Killua threw his way as they walked onto the mountain.

As to be expected, the Zoldycks had sent Gotoh, their head butler, with a car, so the trio was spared the miles of walking it took to get to the actual main house. So, instead, they spent the ride talking and joking, which helped to combat the knot of dread in Killua's stomach. Something just told him that this visit wasn't going to end well, but he couldn't say why he felt that way. When he got inside the manor, he got his answer.

It wasn't that he and Illumi were still on bad terms, he'd tentatively begun to mend fences with his eldest brother at sixteen after years of blubbering and pestering from his mother, but the way Illumi's soulless eyes locked onto you when he spotted you did not sit well with the silver-haired Zoldyck. However, his mother tackled him before he could stop his brother from approaching you and striking up a conversation. The only comfort he got was in knowing you were talking to him almost solely out of the need to be polite, you'd been warned enough about the manipulative snake to know to be wary. "you've grown so much! I barely recognize you anymore," Kikyo half squealed and half chided as if Killua could help himself growing to be Illumi's height, maybe a bit more, but the man just rolled his icy blue eyes, staying quiet to avoid his mother shrieking at him about how she was a good mother who loved him or something.

After his mother was done fussing at him, Killua returned to you, sticking close to you and Gon so he didn't lose his cool, doing so would only lengthen how long they'd have to stay. However, he also came over to interrupt Illumi's conversation with you, "Hey, (y/n), ya doing okay?" he asked, not bothering to hide his concern about his brother, which got him a pointed look from said brother, "Oh, yeah, just been chatting with your brother." you hummed, and while he could tell you were still wary, it was far less rigid as it was before. Of fucking course he'd do this bullcrap he thought, scanning over you to ensure his older sibling hadn't stuck you with a needle. Thankfully he hadn't, so that meant Illumi'd just charmed you. Disgusting.

Nonetheless, he bit back the urge to grab you and run and instead just talked to you and slowly led you away from Illumi. After that, things mellowed out for Killua and the day wasn't as much of a nightmare as he'd thought it would be, though that was mostly because he hung out with Gon and you more than his family. That wasn't to say he wasn't polite to his siblings, especially Kalluto, and nice to his parents, but he kept a distance from them. He especially kept a distance from Illumi, and he made sure you did the same so that the assassin couldn't put a needle in you or charm you anymore. However, Illumi approached him around evening, when you'd been drug off by Kikyo to 'have a chat' aka be interrogated for knowing her son so well. "I know why you avoid me nowadays," Illumi hummed in his usual bored, almost-sleepy voice as he watched the tv and acted as if he didn't notice his younger brother's evil look. "but what bugs me right now, is you keeping (y/n) away from me. You know that I need a partner, your friend is a viable option, you're just being rude to stop me from at least trying to date her." He continued, and Killua could almost taste the annoyance in his deadpan brother's aura, but all it did was put a spark of malicious joy in his soul. "First, my friends shouldn't be options for you, second, quit fucking talking about them like they're a piece of meat. (y/n) is a fucking human, not a damned broodmare for you." he pointed out in as cool of a tone as he could manage, both so no malice slips into his aura and affects Gon, who was next to him, and to further annoy Illumi. "Is it because you have a crush on her? No offense, Kill, but that won't stop me from making a move if she's available. they're very cute, and I wouldn't mind having her for myself." the dead-eyed man said coldly, staring down at the younger man.

For a moment or two after that, Killua and Illumi gave each other lethal looks, having a silent argument that was so palpable that Gon finally got up and moved, knowing better than to try and intervene or help his friend with family spats. It turned out the dark haired boy had the right idea, because almost as soon as he'd gotten up, the two went at each other like a pair of hostile dogs.

Killua was swiftly thrown to the ground by his older brother, but since he was no longer twelve, Killua's punch in response did actual damage instead of being ignored. Though he still stood no chance against him, Killua did his best to punch, kick, and bite his brother, managing to roll him over and slam his head into the floor before he retaliated with a punch to the throat. Meanwhile, Gon, Milluki, and the other siblings watched and cheered, either for Illumi or killua, encouraging them or throwing out advice for how to win the fight until Silva and Zeno finally came in and pried the two brothers apart. They ended up having to hold the two apart, because as soon as they were on their feet, Killua kicked his brother in the stomach and was nearly yanked off his feet as a result. "That is enough." Silva snapped, his voice not loud, but still firm enough to clear the wrathful red from Killua's eyes a bit and stop him from initiating another fist fight. "You two are now adults, having squabbles like this is unacceptable." he scolded, the brothers deflating in shame as they were finally released and further chewed out.

Finally, they were returned back to the social setting, and Killua was forced to put on a happy face for the rest of the night. He would've stayed pissed, maybe even attack Illumi a fifth time, but you were there, and he didn't want to worry you with the story. However, through dinner and the onslaught of gifts you and Gon helped him carry out, whenever you weren't looking or he was alone, Zeno and Silva once again would have to stop them from coming to blows before Killua finally left to go to a hotel for the night despite his mother offering his old room.