#most likely dr scratchinsniff

[seagull-scribbles]

Happy Ides of March

[themurphyzone]

BatB AU: Beyond the Wall Ch 29

AN: I haven’t forgotten this story or Pinky Unleashed! Trying to get back into writing but it’s been hard lately because of work.

Ao3 Link

“-it is ze perfect opportunity, your Highness! Announce your return to your subjects, and zey will flock to you in no time! A long lost prince will be ze talk of the century! Zey’ll recognize you as Prince Brain once zey see your jeweled crown!”  

The crown laid on a velvet pillow, its appearance unassuming. Yet Brain knew that if he tried to put it on, he’d only feel his old horns burying deep into his skull. 

Brain wished Dr. Scratchinsniff wouldn’t refer to him as prince or any related monikers when the title had no honor or meaning behind it. Even after two months of freedom, he still couldn’t make a final decision about reclaiming his throne or allowing his brief reign to fade into obscurity. 

“Stop calling me that,” Brain snapped. “I’m only supporting Pinky for this outing, and nothing more. I will not be taking that ridiculous crown with me, and I will not be addressing anyone as a prince!” 

He slammed his fist into the wall, the echo thundering around the room. 

Dr. Scratchinsniff only raised an eyebrow at Brain’s outburst, his eyes obscured by his round, thick glasses. 

“Do you really want to hide in this castle forever?” he asked, calmly waiting for Brain’s answer. 

But he couldn’t think of a good response for that question. 

Brain slowly unclenched his fist, his hand dropping to his side. He looked away, feeling rather self-conscious about striking the wall. He was getting better about not striking objects whenever he felt angered, but he still slipped up every now and then. 

At least Pinky hadn’t seen it. He was currently making plans with his father, and Brain didn’t want to tack on any extra worries for him. Though Pinky tried to be upbeat about seeing his old friends again, he couldn’t completely hide his fear of the village. Brain had seen the hesitance in his eyes. 

“...this discussion is over,” Brain said quietly, backing away from Dr. Scratchinsniff. He didn’t know how to answer, and it wasn’t a matter he wanted to prioritize right now. “I…I’m going to check on our supplies.” 

He fled to the carriage outside, where several stableboys were hitching Pharfignewton to a cart. She whinnied and raised her head in greeting, alerting the stableboys to his presence. 

They all paused in their work and waited for Brain’s orders. 

“I want to make sure we’re prepared for the journey,” he said, doing his best to sound authoritative. His voice and tone sounded completely wrong to his ears though. 

He was nothing more than a royal impostor.  

If anybody noticed that he was only looking through the supplies to distract himself from the pressures of an uncertain future, they didn’t comment on it. 

The heavy crown sat in Brain’s lap against his better judgment. He wasn’t sure why he’d brought it along. It had been an impulsive, split-second decision to dig it out from the West Wing.

“First time out of the castle in years, and you decide to stare at a piece of metal instead of enjoying the wonders of nature,” Yakko said, shaking his head. “Unbelievable.”   

The lanky teen was sitting atop a chest full of food, generously prepared by Flavio so they wouldn’t be famished on the road. The wooden cart’s wheel slammed into a large rock, and Brain tensed, unused to the roughness of traveling by cart. 

To most royalty, it was a crude method of transport more suited for commoners who couldn’t afford the gold-plated wheels and velvet seats of a luxurious carriage.

But nobody wanted to be cooped up inside for the journey to the village, so they opted for a cart with plenty of room to move around instead. And Pinky seemed all too relieved that he wouldn’t be stuck inside a carriage. 

“I wasn’t staring,” Brain mumbled, sheepishly setting his crown aside. “I was pondering.” 

“Like there’s a difference. C’mon, boss. Enjoy the fresh air! The sunshine peeking through the trees! The birdsong! The mosquitos sucking your-” He slapped his arm and grimaced. “Okay, maybe not that last one.” 

But as much as Brain wanted to enjoy the outdoors, he wasn’t able to see his own castle through the trees anymore. It was nerve-wracking to be so far from the stone walls that had been his haven for years. 

Better to remain in the cart, where it was somewhat enclosed and safe. 

His companions didn’t share his misgivings. They all relished their freedom in a way that Brain couldn’t. 

Yakko lounged atop the swaying crates, the possibility of falling not even a concern to him. Wakko rode on Pharfignewton’s back, while Pinky was seated on her head, reaching out to touch the spring buds along the low-hanging branches. 

Walking alongside the cart was Lieutenant Benoit, who had grown into a reliable knight from the uncertain rookie he’d been before the curse. Though Brain had asked Mathias to come along for this excursion, the elderly captain had declined due to his stiff back, recommending Benoit in his place. 

Come to think of it, Benoit had been taking on a lot of Mathias’ duties recently. 

Though Mathias hadn’t officially announced his resignation as captain of the guard, it was increasingly clear that he was planning for Benoit to succeed him. 

Benoit’s head seemed to be on a swivel as he scanned the forest for any potential threats while controlling his horse, Creme Brulee, at the same time. He’d allowed Dot to ride atop her provided the journey was peaceful, on the condition that she’d get off immediately and hide in the cart if a threat presented itself. 

Dot agreed, as long as she was allowed to launch projectiles from the cart to help fight off the enemy. 

But right now, there was no need for the agreed terms. 

No dangerous wild animals leapt out to attack. No thieves tried to follow them. 

Then again, hardly anyone ventured to this section of the forest. Robbers would probably station themselves in more frequently traveled roads. 

The path was overgrown with vegetation and rough with gravel and dirt. The passing years hadn’t been kind to the roads, and Brain slowly realized he’d neglected their maintenance in favor of more grandiose pursuits when he tried to rule these lands before the curse. 

The castle was still isolated from the surrounding region. The journey was too long and arduous for most people, unless they had the resources or were particularly determined to reach his home. 

The isolation served its purpose well during the curse. 

But now that it was over, the outside world had become new and terrifying. Dangers that used to be far away lurked closer than ever before. 

What if the villagers sought revenge for their humiliating defeat? Or brought backup from any surrounding settlements? 

Perhaps everyone could hold their own against a hastily assembled villager mob with breakable equipment, but they would be outclassed against any royal or military force. 

He, Pinky, and everyone in the castle could be implicated for the Crown Prince’s death. Nobody would believe that Snowball, with his keen mind and accolades, fell to his doom because he’d ignored an opportunity to leave the castle alive. 

The recovery team who’d returned Snowball’s body to the village authorities had reported success in their mission, but Brain worried that the fabricated story wouldn’t hold up. 

Someone would be punished for the Crown Prince’s death. The king and queen were likely going to come up with their own explanation. Whoever they blamed would not come out unscathed. 

He could only hope that he and Pinky would be overlooked. 

The feeling of fingers brushing against his ear startled him out of his thoughts. He felt something light tickle his fur, his ear flicking involuntarily at the sensation. 

A small pink blossom fell into his lap. 

“Oopsie, better fix that,” Pinky said, taking the blossom and tucking it against Brain’s ear again. Then he stepped back and admired his handiwork with a smile, clasping his hands in delight. “Narrrrf, I knew this color would match your eyes!” 

Pinky didn’t know how to be stealthy if his life depended on it. 

Had he really been so lost in thought that he didn’t notice Pinky's approach at all? 

“I thought you wanted fresh air,” Brain said, finally setting his crown aside. He looked away when the adoring gaze Pinky gave him didn’t waver, somewhat embarrassed by the attention. 

Yakko’s snickering didn’t help matters. He was clearly eavesdropping, and if Brain had his old strength, he might’ve toppled the crates the teen was perched upon for some much needed revenge. 

He was about to take the blossom off when he noticed Pinky’s tail flick anxiously, giving away his deeper emotions despite the silly grin on his face. 

His hand dropped to his side. He’d just have to leave it on for a little longer, at least until they arrived at Pinky’s village. 

It was a nice gift, but from Pinky’s descriptions of his old village, he had the impression that standing out was highly frowned upon. To avoid trouble, they’d need to blend in. 

He was sure he’d be subjected to more staring and gawking than he ever wanted. He was a stranger and outsider to them, and his closest companion was their local outcast. 

There was also the matter of the Warners. Despite the inherent danger of being recognized and captured, they all wanted to come along. Though it was probably better for them to release all their pent-up energy outside the castle, Brain still had his reservations about this arrangement. But when Pinky gently suggested that they might be able to find answers about their family and Warnerstock somewhere else, Brain was forced to concede his point. 

His library could not provide the knowledge they needed. Pursuing the truth about the Warners’ homeland would require some amount of risk-taking.  

The Warner siblings had all jumped at the chance to learn more. Since they’d threatened to sneak out of the castle if they were denied the opportunity, Brain had no choice but to allow them to tag along. 

At least Pinky’s father agreed to remain behind for his safety. Pinky wholeheartedly entrusted his health to the servants, and it was one less worry on his shoulders. Nobody knew if the villagers would react violently upon seeing them again. 

Perhaps they didn’t have a charismatic leader to fuel the flames this time, but that didn’t make them any less dangerous. 

“You’re getting all broody again,” Pinky said, draping his arm over Brain’s head. He’d developed a rather annoying habit of treating him like an armrest after the curse broke. “Relax a little, Brain! We’ve got all this lovely nature surrounding us! It’s good for the soul!” 

Brain shifted his head, and because Pinky had placed most of his weight against him, he lost his balance completely. With a yelp, Pinky fell right on top of Brain and knocked him to the floor. Brain’s chin collided with the wooden beams, the wind knocked out of his lungs. 

Pinky was lying on top of him, breathy laughter tickling his ear. 

Once Brain could breathe again, he rolled onto his back, his nose bumping into Pinky’s. 

“Hellloooo,” Pinky singsonged, drawing out the word for far longer than necessary. “Fancy meeting a handsome mouse like you in a place like this.” 

Brain’s thoughts came to a complete halt as he stared into the depths of Pinky’s bright blue eyes. He could only babble like an idiot. 

Did he just call me handsome? 

It was really embarrassing, but kind of…nice? Was that the word? He wasn’t sure if he knew what words were anymore. 

“B-be quiet, Pinky,” he stammered, with less authority than he’d hoped to convey. 

Pinky tilted his head inquisitively. “But what if I don’t feel like being quiet, Brain?” 

There was that little spark of defiance that infuriated and impressed Brain since the night they met. Pinky’s eyes sparkled with mischief, and Brain’s confidence surged tenfold upon seeing them. 

In a bold move, he snatched the collar of Pinky’s dress, eliciting a shocked gasp. This time, it was Pinky’s turn to be stunned. 

“Then I’ll just have to silence you myself,” Brain declared. He yanked Pinky towards him, their lips meeting in a kiss that was just as wonderful as their first. 

Pinky’s arms wrapped around him, a blissful haze driving Brain’s worries away. 

It didn’t matter how far from the castle they were, or that they were kissing on the floor of a rickety wooden cart instead of a more ideal location.

It just felt right. 

He heard the distant whinnying of a horse, but the noise faded into the background like everything else. The whinnies were quiet at first, but gradually became louder and more frantic. 

Then Pinky broke off the kiss. He and Brain were shocked back into their unfortunate reality, where they couldn’t just ignore the world around them in favor of each other. 

It was regrettable, and Brain wished the moment lasted longer. 

“Pharfig? Is everything okay?” Pinky called out, his tail lashing anxiously. He quickly stood up, helping Brain to his feet before rushing across a wooden beam that connected Pharfignewton’s harness to the cart. 

The entire cart rocked violently as Pharfignewton reared up on her hind legs in panic, and her terrified neighs caused Creme Brulee to buck and thrash too. Wakko and Dot shrieked and held onto their saddles for dear life, but while Wakko was able to crouch down on Pharfignewton, Dot wasn’t so fortunate. The reins slipped out of her grasp as she fell out of the saddle. 

Fortunately, Benoit was close enough to catch her so she wouldn’t be in the path of Creme’s thrashing hooves.

“Dot!” Yakko shouted, springing off the towering crates and onto the hard gravel path. He landed on one knee and winced in pain, but he shook it off as he sprinted to his sister. Benoit handed a wide-eyed Dot over to Yakko, who hugged her tightly the moment she was in his arms. “You okay?” 

Dot mumbled something in protest as she half-heartedly tried to wiggle out of his grip. Apart from the brief scare, she wasn’t injured. She voiced her displeasure as Yakko carried her back to the cart and set her down inside. 

“I want to know what’s going on!” Dot protested, stomping her foot. “I can handle myself, Yakko!” 

Yakko adjusted the flower on her head, giving her an unusually soft smile that was quite different from his carefree smirk. 

“I know you can, Dot,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Which is why I’m jumping in first. So if I get into trouble, and that’s a very big if by the way, you and Wakko can rescue me for a change.”  

Dot’s eyes lit up. “And when we successfully rescue you, you’ll give us your share of dessert!” 

At the mention of dessert, Wakko pumped his fist into the air triumphantly. But he forgot he was holding one of Pharfignewton’s reins, which caused her to thrash even more. Wakko clung to the saddle’s horn as his lower body slid off her back, legs dangling in the air. 

Yakko tried to move to his brother, but Pharfignewton’s hooves were flying in every direction. He couldn’t get close without risking injury to himself. 

“Easy, Pharfig…easy now,” Pinky spoke in a hushed tone. He slowly climbed up Pharfignewton’s neck until he reached the top of her head. 

Though Brain worried about the risks Pinky was taking, Pinky’s equine experience made him the best candidate to calm the spooked horses. Brain heard reports that even the newer horses had taken a shine to Pinky. 

Pinky gently stroked one of Pharfignewton’s ears, humming softly to himself. Pharfignewton gradually stopped thrashing, though her hooves remained restless. 

“It’s okay. You’re okay, Fig. Think about nice things, okay?” Pinky murmured. “Blue skies, bales of hay, big grassy meadows, sugarcubes…” 

While Pinky listed everything Pharfignewton liked, Wakko was able to lower himself to the ground safely. He ran over to Yakko and enveloped his waist in an enormous hug. 

“Keep dreaming about that dessert, sibs,” Yakko said, picking Wakko up and setting him into the cart beside Dot. “I don’t love you two nearly enough to give up Flavio’s chocolate cream puffs.” 

“Not faboo,” Wakko muttered. 

Dot shrugged. “It was worth a shot.” 

Brain climbed to the top of the crates where Yakko had been sitting before. They’d arrived at a crossroads with two roads leading in opposite directions. The roads were smoother with old carriage tracks imprinted upon the soil, and the forest wasn’t as dense and overgrown. It appeared these pathways saw more frequent use.

But from his vantage point, he saw no signs of highwaymen or dangerous wild animals, though he worried someone was lurking nearby. They could be trying to provoke the horses on purpose as a distraction, leaving the group vulnerable enough for an attack. 

He didn’t have the strength of a beast anymore, but he refused to sit back without putting up a fight. 

Nobody would ever harm the inhabitants of his castle again. 

Unfortunately, Pinky was completely disregarding his own safety, and Brain found that trait particularly irksome. 

“Come back to the cart, Pinky!” Brain shouted. 

“-and yummy apples, the wind in your mane, sparkly pink ribbons…” Pinky said, his voice deceptively calm so he wouldn’t scare Pharfignewton. But his ears were folded back from fear. 

He didn’t react to Brain’s warning. 

Pharfignewton stopped kicking, but her hooves still clopped against the ground like she was ready to bolt at any moment. 

Above the chaos, Brain heard the voices of boisterous men. 

“Someone’s coming,” Benoit said, quickly calming Creme before dropping into an anticipatory stance. His hand flew to the hilt of his scabbard hidden under his traveling cloak. 

“For the last time, that part of the forest is cursed! Ain’t no way I’m venturing in there again!” 

“You want your wife to cook some real meat or what? We might be able to bag ourselves an enormous stag if we travel off the beaten path! It’s more filling than those scrawny rabbits you’re always coming back with!” 

“Even if we do manage to find a stag, those greedy pigs are just gonna steal all the best parts for themselves! We’ll be lucky if we’re left with bones!”  

“-and I’m tellin’ ya, we’re livin’ in the end times! We failed to contain the horse of conquest! The horses of famine and war are already living among us! And the pale horse of death …is right over there!” 

A trio of disheveled men emerged from the trees. The oldest swayed from side to side as he walked, the barrel of his musket waving recklessly in the air. Brain tried to push away the rising anxiety he felt at the sight of the weapon. That man was clearly inebriated and had no business wielding one. 

The second man was significantly larger than his traveling companions, with faded red blotches staining his frayed shirt. There was a sharp butcher’s knife strapped to his waist, and Brain’s side ached at the reminder of the fatal wound that anyone else would’ve remained dead from. 

The last man only carried a long coil of rope over his shoulder. His eyes flicked nervously at the forest around him, paranoid that something was going to ambush them. 

His paranoia wasn’t entirely unfounded. 

Brain spotted the black tips of Yakko’s ears poking out from behind the undergrowth that lined the road. He slowly crept towards the men, circling around until he was positioned behind them. Wakko and Dot were huddled together in an empty crate in an attempt to be invisible, though their bodies were tense and ready to spring into action if needed. 

He couldn’t call out to Yakko without giving away his position. He was definitely scolding him later for his recklessness though. 

“May I ask you gentlemen to restrain your friend?” Benoit asked as Creme shuffled back several paces. “He’s scaring my horse.” 

The other men finally paused their argument, taking notice of the group for the first time. Their scrutinizing eyes raked over Benoit, Brain, the horses, before finally landing on Pinky. Their brows furrowed at the sight of him. 

“H-hello, Jacque. Gerald. Dick,” Pinky stammered, shrinking away from their gaze. “It’s, um… been a while. Is everyone in the village doing alright?” 

The fresh spring air turned cold. Even the forest fell silent. 

Gerald’s fist clenched at his side. “Alright? Our village is under occupation because your idiocy got Prince Snowball killed, and you have the nerve to ask us if we’re alright? You don’t have the decency to stay and face the consequences either!”

Pinky’s ears flattened in horror. “Under occupation? I…I don’t understand-” 

“Why am I not surprised?” Dick scoffed, gesturing to his torn clothing. “You ran away, right when the royal family blames us for the Crown Prince’s death and sends their army to steal everything! Our money, our food, our livelihoods! There’s a group of soldiers who’ve taken up lodging in my tavern and they refuse to pay a single livre for board!” 

Brain recalled the warning in Slappy’s letter. 

Be careful when you head into town. Trouble’s brewing.

She must’ve been referring to the occupation of Pinky’s village. 

Word of Snowball’s death had traveled swiftly to the king and queen…his parents. They ordered this occupation as a punishment, and the end goal was to slowly break the villagers’ spirits until there was nothing left but abandoned buildings. 

He should’ve known there would be retaliation. The mysterious death of the Crown Prince could not be ignored. 

“Don’t matter what we bring back on this hunting trip,” Jacque slurred. “Rabbit, deer, songbird…the soldiers will take ‘em and leave us with nothin’ but cheap rum and pig slop. And you’re just livin’ life like nothing ever happened. Shoulda stayed in the asylum where you belong.” 

Pinky didn’t defend himself. He only turned to Brain with a helpless, pleading look in his blue eyes. 

Primal, furious instincts flared within him that he hadn’t felt since the enchantment. 

“That’s enough!” Brain roared as he stormed up to the men. He climbed onto Pharfignewton’s head and pushed Pinky behind him. Pinky clung to him, his body trembling. Feeling Pinky’s fear only enraged Brain further. How dare they frighten a kindred spirit like Pinky! “Don’t ever speak to Pinky that way! In fact, don’t speak to him at all for the rest of your miserable lives!” 

“Humph. And just who do you think you are?” Gerald scoffed. “You clearly know nothing about this traitor you’re defending.” 

A prince whose crown costs more than all the money you’ve made in your pathetic career, Brain wanted to say, though he barely restrained himself from revealing his identity. 

“I am…a traveling merchant,” Brain replied through gritted teeth, forcing himself to stick to the fabricated story that Dr. Scratchinsniff helped him prepare before they left the castle. He swept out his hand to indicate the crates behind him that supposedly hid his wares. “Pinky is my valued partner in trade. And I won’t tolerate your slander towards him.” 

Dick didn’t hold back his mocking laugh. 

“Valued partner?” he scoffed. 

“Doncha even know who you’re workin’ with?” Jacque wheezed, which quickly turned into a raspy cough. 

“Of course I do. And who I choose to work with is none of your concern. Benoit!” Brain clapped his hands sharply. Benoit stepped in front of Pharfignewton, unsheathing the hilt of his sword from its scabbard. Startled, the trio of bullies backed up once they saw a real weapon. “This man is our bodyguard. He protects us and our wares when we’re on the road. He’s also been trained by the Swiss guard, the finest protectors in all of Europe. If you want him to remain right where he is, I suggest you get out of my sight.” 

Dick and Gerald stepped back, pulling a protesting Jacque along with them. 

“-lemme go!” Jacque protested, kicking his legs as his stronger companions dragged him along the road. “I was a dueling champion in my prime! I’ll take ‘im on myself!” 

“I’d love nothing more than to put you vagrants in your place,” Gerald said, throwing a scathing look to Pinky and Pharfignewton, and they both withered under his accusing gaze. “But you all appear more well-fed than us, undeserving as some among your company are. We’re stuck trying to preserve our weapons for the hunt. It wouldn’t be fair at all.” 

“Fair? You’re one to talk about fairness, you jer-umph!” 

Dot quickly slapped her hand over Wakko’s mouth before he could leap out of the crate and attack the villagers himself. His head popped up, but she pulled him back down before someone noticed him. A series of thumps came from within the crate as the siblings fought each other. 

Though Brain worried that their inability to control themselves would result in more trouble, the villagers only cast nasty, judgmental glares over their shoulders as they disappeared into the forest. 

But Brain couldn’t relax yet. Not until they were completely gone. They’d blamed Pinky for their misfortune and threatened him over and over again. He wouldn’t put it past them if they planned an ambush. Nor did he want them to discover the Warners. The outside world had no idea they were still alive, and it needed to stay that way until the looming threat of King Salazar was over. 

Long, slender fingers massaged his scalp. Though Brain ignored the sensation and tried to focus on looking out for any surprise attacks, he gradually found himself sinking into Pinky’s gentle touch. 

“Poit…I think they’re gone now, Brain,” Pinky said. “You don’t have to be all bristly and growly anymore.” 

“You can’t be sure of that, Pinky. They seem-wait, I was growling?” Brain asked, his hand flying to his throat in embarrassment. 

If he wanted to re-enter society someday, he needed to cease his old beastly habits. Sometimes it was easier said than done, considering that he hadn’t been a mouse in five years. 

Then Pinky clasped Brain’s hand within his own. 

“You were,” Pinky confirmed. Brain looked away, pushing back the awful thought that all his progress had been reset. Deep down, he knew it was just a small setback, nor would Pinky think of him any differently, but it was frustrating regardless. 

To his surprise, Pinky kissed him on the cheek. Then he smiled, a light blush coloring his face. 

“I don’t mind though,” he said, brushing tears away from one eye. Brain’s free hand came to rest against Pinky’s side. He never could figure out what to say to Pinky when he started crying. “Those guys we met…th-they said a lot of horrible things to me and my family, did a lot of horrible stuff to us too…but when I heard you, I knew I’d be okay in the end. So…thank you, Brain.” 

“I-I…um…sure,” Brain stammered before clearing his throat. Pinky’s adoring gaze had caught him off-guard once again. “You’re welcome.” 

The nearby shrubs rustled. 

Brain instinctively threw his arm in front of Pinky. If those men thought they could strike so soon, he was going to make them regret it. 

“You lovebirds can calm down. They’re not gonna harass us anymore,” a familiar voice said. 

Yakko emerged from the undergrowth, brushing away sticks and leaves from his fur. Upon seeing everyone’s shocked faces, he rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand. 

“Did I miss a spot?” he asked blithely. “Hard to tell without a mirror.” 

Brain forced himself to relax, though he wasn’t pleased with the false scare.

Wakko and Dot burst out of the crate the moment they heard their older brother’s voice, barely giving him a chance to climb into the cart before leaping on top of him. Yakko only laughed when their combined weight knocked him down. 

“Next time, we’re not gonna wait on you!” Dot complained as she forcefully squeezed Yakko’s abdomen. “Wakko almost got us discovered!” 

Wakko scowled at her, to which Dot stuck out her tongue in response. 

“You have no idea what I saw in the village that night! Pinky offered all the food he had to those jerks, then they threw it on the ground and called him names! They tied up Pharfig and tried to kill us and everyone we care about!” Wakko protested. “Sure, we beat them up when they attacked the castle, but it seems like they haven’t learned their lesson at all!” 

He stomped his foot in frustration. 

Pinky remained silent, only rubbing his arm in discomfort. There was a deep-seated pain in his sky-blue eyes despite his earlier reassurance that he was alright. Even with multiple heart-to-heart conversations, Pinky was still wounded by the village’s cruelty.

He never fully admitted all the details of that night, though it was likely for the best. Brain knew he wouldn’t be able to refrain from any revenge fantasies if he discovered the true extent of the torture they put Pinky through. 

Then Yakko winked at his siblings. 

“Don’t worry. I have a feeling that could change right…about…now.” He flicked his finger over to the forest. 

There was a chorus of distant screams, followed by a flock of alarmed songbirds fleeing into the sky. 

“Is that something we should be concerned about?” Brain asked.

The forest was a dangerous place, and they were too far from the castle to send for backup. He still wasn’t comfortable being out in the open like this. 

“Let’s just say I put together a little surprise for our special friends,” Yakko said cheerfully. “You know, something to thank them for being such wonderful neighbors to our dear Pinky.” 

Pinky smiled bashfully. “Aww, don’t make me blush, Yakko!” 

He was too focused on the compliment to recognize the scathing sarcasm in Yakko’s tone. 

“You could’ve been noticed,” Brain said. But he couldn’t be entirely mad at Yakko when his ploy went off without a hitch. “And next time you pull a trick like that, kindly invite the rest of us along to serve as witnesses.” 

Dot pounded her fist into her open palm. “And let me get a proper shot at them too! I have to make good use of my fists!” 

“And I’ll bring the mallets!” Wakko added.

As the Warners continued to discuss all the tools and implements they could use to scare anyone who threatened the castle in the future, Benoit cleared his throat. 

“Creme and I will follow behind the cart for everyone’s safety, Prince Brain,” Benoit said as he concealed his scabbard beneath his cloak. “I’d rather not take any chances with those brutes lurking around.” 

Brain found it awkward to be addressed with his title when he still wasn’t sure about reclaiming it. But he tried to lift his head high, pushing down his discomfort to address the future captain of the guard. 

“A wise idea, lieutenant,” Brain said. 

Once Benoit took up his position in the back, Pinky flicked Pharfignewton’s reins. She bolted like the wind, forgetting that the cart was still attached to her. Brain almost fell off Pharfignewton’s head from the force of her sudden movements, but Pinky quickly caught him and slowed Pharfignewton with assurances that the men wouldn’t be back any time soon. 

But Pinky still appeared uneasy, even though they were traveling at a faster pace now that the road was smoother and the trees weren’t so dense. Pharfignewton passed by a pond full of clear, blue water and lilypads that laid just a short distance from the road. 

The Warners eyed the pond eagerly, its call too alluring for three excitable kids to resist. Pinky glanced at the pond, but his face fell in disappointment. 

“It’s strange. We should’ve run into other people by now,” Pinky said, wringing his tail anxiously. “There’s lots of guys who like to travel to other villages when the weather’s good. And kids are always swimming in that pond when it’s thawed out.”

Brain was prepared to call out warnings to hide if someone came along, but there was no need for it. They seemed to be the only ones on the road. 

“If your village is truly under occupation, then the army is likely controlling whoever enters and leaves the area,” Brain said. “They don’t want somebody to run to another village for help, nor can anyone leave for leisure activities. Those imbeciles mentioned they would have to give up their catches to the soldiers, so their hunting trip must’ve been allowed under certain conditions.”

Dot made an indignant noise. “So those jerks are just allowed to hunt by themselves? I wouldn’t give them anything to do without twenty guards surrounding them at all times!” 

“They’re likely facing consequences if they don’t comply,” Brain said. “Basic necessities withheld, revoked privileges, perhaps prison time if someone’s feeling particularly vindictive. They might go after loved ones too, just to make their point clear.” 

He didn’t meet Pinky’s eyes. All the pain they’d inflicted on Pinky was now being dealt tenfold to them. 

Serves those fools right, Brain thought, but he didn’t voice it out loud. He saw the horror in Pinky’s eyes, and he realized that even if their former aggressors deserved it, Pinky would never want anyone to experience the terror he was forced to live through. 

“But Gerald’s got seven kids! And Dick has a pregnant wife…I think. Or was that his mistress? And Jacque…well, his son skipped town one day and never came back, but he’s probably got someone who cares about him!” Pinky protested. “They can’t do this to the villagers! It’s not right!” 

But the king’s orders were law, so the occupation was perfectly legal. 

Brain didn’t expect Pinky to have a thorough understanding of French laws and customs. He never had the extensive education that the upper class received to ensure they would uphold tradition and the power of the monarchy. 

But as rigorous as his childhood curriculum had been, Brain was starting to believe his education was sorely lacking in some areas. 

He’d spent his entire life behind stone walls, never truly experiencing the world he was destined to rule. His books all claimed France was a glorious and prosperous empire, but through his conversations with Pinky, he’d learned that reality was different from what the authors wanted him to believe. 

France was not as prosperous as he once believed, if Pinky never had a permanent home before the castle and spent his teenage years giving up what little food he could afford to his father and Pharfignewton. 

While Brain had his own set of problems, poverty and hunger had never been personal concerns for him. 

He had the feeling Pinky wasn’t alone in experiencing these issues. Everybody in the kingdom was affected whether they knew it or not, and nobody in the royal family was lifting a finger to resolve the problem. 

Or they aren’t ignorant of the kingdom’s problems at all. We already know they’ve censored information about Warnerstock. 

Learning of the village’s occupation had only cemented Brain’s suspicions that he’d been hesitant to believe for all this time. 

The royal family was actively oppressing all of France. 

He’d spent his entire life believing that everything they did was for the benefit of the kingdom, but that wasn’t true in the slightest.

They only ruled to benefit themselves. Every law was designed for their own comfort and security, and harsh punishments awaited anyone who dared to break or challenge them. 

France allied with King Salazar during the invasion of Warnerstock, and the Warner siblings were forced to flee their homeland. Pinky stood up to the Crown Prince when nobody else would, and his family and friends were threatened and nearly murdered in a raging battle.  

If I hadn’t experienced everything I’ve been through, perhaps I could’ve ended up like my…no, like the royal family. 

He owed so much to Pinky for leading him into the world beyond his castle. It was a debt that Brain would never be able to repay, not that Pinky would ever ask for any favors in return. 

Brain patted Pinky’s back. Pinky shuddered at his touch, then took a deep breath and settled down from his righteous anger. He gave Brain a tiny smile, though it was still marred by anxiety. 

“This road leads to the village center. It’s market day, so there’s gonna be a lot of people around,” Pinky quietly said as he tugged on Pharfignewton’s strap. She turned to the right, slipping onto a narrower, unpaved side path that snaked through the trees. “I don’t think any of us want to be seen though. The trees open into a meadow not too far from here. Nobody visits the meadow anyway. We can cross it until we get to my cottage.” 

“You were always looking at my scenic paintings when you first came to the castle,” Brain said. “Is this the same meadow you wanted to bring me to?” 

Pinky’s ears perked up, his blithe spirit coming back in full force. “Oh, Brain! You remembered!” 

Brain wasn’t prepared for the crushing hug he received in return. It drove all the oxygen from his lungs, and he heard the traitors that called themselves the Warner siblings laugh at his plight in the background. 

If his newfound family killed him for the second time, he swore to haunt them all from beyond the grave. 

After an eternity, Pinky finally released him. “I can’t wait to show you my favorite hill! It has a lovely view of the sunset!” he declared. 

Brain gasped for air, only responding with a nod. 

“Then we can watch the clouds, blow on dandelion puffs, tiptoe through the tulips…wait, no those were daisies. The village could never afford real Dutch tulips. And we’ll have a big picnic with Slappy and Skippy before they leave! It’ll be-hey, do you hear something?” 

A loud, cheerful voice echoed through the forest, accompanied by the chaotic strumming of a guitar. 

“Hello my baby, hello my honey! 

Hello, my ragtime gal!” 

Brain didn’t recognize the tune, but he figured it wasn’t meant to be sung with a very pronounced lisp. 

Dot wrinkled her nose, sharing Brain’s distaste for the cacophony. “Ugh, can’t that guy serenade his girlfriend without those stupid pet names?” 

“Dunno, I kinda like it.” Yakko waved his hand like he was conducting an orchestra, much to Dot’s visible dismay. “Sounds catchy.” 

“Boys…” Dot muttered. “Go fig.” 

Wakko stood on his tiptoes, one hand lifted to his ears as he listened to the song.  

“Oh, it’s a kiss I require! 

Baby, my heart’s on fire!” 

To everyone’s surprise, it was Pinky who belted out the lyrics. He hummed for several more seconds before he realized everyone was staring at him, to which he only shrugged his shoulders. 

“Don’t you guys know Hello, My Baby? It was a real hit in tavern shows a few years back. Everybody and their mothers were singing it.” 

Pinky seemed utterly baffled that he was the only one in the group who’d heard the song before. 

“We were out of the loop, Pinky,” Brain reminded him. “We missed plenty of ‘art’, and I use that word with a loose definition, because of our isolation.” 

“Tell me about it!” Yakko complained. “I’ve been reading and rereading and retreading all the Hercule Poirot books we have! The eighth book ended on a cliffhanger where Poirot gets knocked unconscious by the villain and ends up chained in the Tower of London! Do you have any idea how agonizing it is to read that and wonder what happens next? I’ve been making up scenarios and conspiracy theories in my head for THREE! WHOLE! YEARS!”  

He yanked on his ears in a rather overdramatic fashion. 

Pinky tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Well, there’s a small bookshop in the village. The owner always gives me spare parchment to take to Papa. He can be a little paranoid, but he’s nice enough. He can help you find what you’re looking for.” 

Though it seemed unlikely, a small bookshop could contain books that the royal library might not have. Impressive and expensive as royal collections were, the strict censorship laws would keep them from stocking certain books. On the other hand, a bookshop in the middle of the countryside would be free to hoard all the pages they pleased, including forbidden topics.  

“Maybe he’ll have something on Warnerstock! We’ll finally have a lead!” Dot exclaimed. But her joy was short-lived when the singing voice hit a series of ear splitting notes that would surely make Beethoven and Mozart spin in their graves if they were ever to hear this insult to music everywhere. 

“Will somebody stop that racket already?” she bellowed, covering her ears with a pair of pink, fluffy earmuffs. 

But Wakko’s tail wagged, and he had no intention of stopping the horribly off-key song. “I know that voice!” he exclaimed. He jumped out of the cart and rushed ahead to a stone bridge that stood above a flowing creek, hauling himself over the edge so that he was balancing on his toes. 

The singing was coming from under the bridge. 

“Wakko, if you don’t get back here right now, I’m gonna sit on you for the rest of this trip!” Yakko shouted. 

Wakko didn’t pay attention to him. 

A million excuses ran through Brain’s mind in case the singer turned out to be a soldier or another hostile villager. They couldn’t afford to be discovered so soon. He needed to come up with a good explanation for their presence. 

The water rippled, and a black duck emerged from the shadows. He held a cattail reed under his beak as he sang, completely oblivious to his surroundings.  

“If you refuse me, honey, you’ll lose me! 

And you’ll be left alone! Oh, baby! 

Send a letter and tell me I’m your-AHHHHH!” 

Before anybody could stop him, Wakko leapt off the bridge and crashed into the helpless duck below. The duck let out a strangled cry as the impact forced them both underwater for several seconds. A string of bubbles rose to the surface. 

After a few seconds, they came back up. The duck flailed and screamed as he resurfaced, trying to shove Wakko away from him.  

“HEEEELLLP! POLICE! DICK TRACY! THE COAST GUARD! I’LL EVEN TAKE CARROTBRAINS IF IT MEANS GETTING OUT ALIVE!” he yelled, black feathers standing on end. 

“It’s great to see you again, Daffy!” Wakko exclaimed. He was unbothered by all the shouting. 

“For the last time, kid! My name is Daffy Duck! D-A-DOUBLE F-Y SPACE IN THE MIDDLE D-U-C-K!” Daffy screeched, the force of his voice blowing Wakko’s ears back, who only laughed in response. Then Daffy dislodged Wakko and dangled him in the air, holding him as far away from his body as he could. A surprised smile crept onto his beak. “Hold the mustard…you called me Daffy. You actually remembered my name.” 

Wakko nodded. “Of course I do. You helped save my family! I’ll always remember that!” 

Now Brain recognized Daffy from the post-curse celebration. They only met briefly when Brain had offered compensation to the allies Wakko recruited for the battle, and that meeting was enough for him to know that he needed to keep any valuables away from this avian at all times.

Though Brain expected Daffy to be exuberant and attract the wrong sort of attention with his constant shouting, the duck quietly set Wakko down on the creekbank.

“Pardon me, kid. Just got a little pebble in my eye,” he said, dabbing his beak with a long reedstalk. “I always knew you were my favorite of William’s brood. Shame he never got to see you smash ol’ Beezleboob in the kneecaps. He would’ve gotten a kick out of it.”

“William? As in…King William?” Pinky asked, his voice low so the Warners didn’t overhear. 

Daffy spoke about the deceased king with some odd familiarity, like they were personally acquainted at some point. 

Brain had presumed anyone who’d known King William and Queen Angelina were either six feet under or lived far away. Their pursuit for knowledge only included books and other written documents, however few there were. If there was anyone in France who personally knew the former rulers, they’d be hiding their secret for fear of punishment. 

Even if the source was…daft, for lack of a better word, they couldn’t let this opportunity slip away. 

“Wait. You knew Dad?” Wakko asked. 

“Knew him! Ha!” Daffy laughed, slapping the water like it was the funniest joke he’d heard in his life. “I lived like a king myself because of that guy! He was always inviting me and my entourage to the palace as honored guests! Exquisite food, more jewelry than a dragon’s hoard, a crystal clear pond to swim in! I personally arranged entertainment for William and Angelina at every major banquet! Those were the days!” 

Yakko and Dot climbed out of the cart and joined Wakko on the creekbank, their usual energy subdued. Dot was so close to Yakko that she appeared glued to his leg. 

Daffy’s wistful grin dropped, his gaze raking over the siblings, horses, and mice. 

“Wow. Big group you’ve got there, kid,” he tugged on the white line at the base of his neck. He probably regretted opening his beak.    

Yakko’s face was unusually serious. The teen seemed older than his fourteen years, and though he bore his responsibilities with a smile and witty jokes, raising two children when he was hardly any older than them was draining on him. 

“Please…tell us everything you know. About Mom, Dad, and the country of Warnerstock.”

End AN: Finally I can advance the plot of this story! It's so exciting to be able to finally put all my ideas in writing.

Brain is finally getting some real world experience. He'll need it in case he ever decides to reclaim the throne.

Pinky's trauma isn't really over. Good thing's he got an entire defense squad there for him.

And Daffy returns with a huge splash! Totally for plot reasons and not just cause he was the most amusing side character to me and I wanted to bring him back as soon as possible. As for what he was doing in the woods by himself, he was catching fish for his dinner because he didn't want Bugs' carrot soup.

[olddirtybadfic]

Brotherly Love: A Taboo Animaniacs Fanfic (Part One of Seven)

I warned you this was coming (check the tags). I told you, dog.

I was an older teenager when I wrote this. I'm pretty sure I had started college at the time. Somebody shared a dorm room with me while I was writing this nonsense. Possibly, they were writing similar nonsense; I went to a weird college.

Readers of my other account (that I haven't yet connected to this one) might recognize that I tried to rework this into a James/Meowth fic (but didn't get very far). Apparently, mapping Meowth, James, and Jessie onto Yakko, Wakko, and Dot might not work as well as I had previously thought.

Anyway, DEAD GOODFEATHERS: DO NOT EAT

Content Warning: Consensual romantic relationship between two siblings (just because I wrote about it in a story doesn't mean I'd do it; I have a sibling and I would never get bizzay with them); aged-up characters; terrible attempt at writing Scratchansniff's accent out phonetically; exhibitionism; questionable knowledge of psychology; big emotions, including: *extremely Gonzo voice* GUILT and *extremely Septa Unella voice* SHAME SHAME SHAME (ding ding); Yakko angst

-O-o-O-o-O-

All was quiet over Burbank that Thursday night. Yakko Warner sat on the balcony of the Warner Brothers Studio water tower, gazing over the city lights.

His two younger siblings, Wakko and Dot, were worn out from that day’s antics and were soundly sleeping in the bedroom the three shared. They hadn’t even stirred when Yakko closed the door of the water tower. Yakko should have been tired too, considering he wreaked just as much havoc as his siblings, but he had a lot on his mind.

Lately, he’d been having these “feelings.” They were similar to the ones he got when he looked at Hello Nurse, but more intense. Hello Nurse was pleasing to the eye—very—but that was it. He merely liked looking at her, not….doing things with her, like what he wanted to do with the object of these “feelings.”

The Warners didn’t age, being toons, but Yakko figured he should still have gone through puberty by now. He didn’t know much about this subject, having driven Ms. Flamiel off before she could teach them Health, but nevertheless, he was sure he wasn’t supposed to be having feelings for the person that he did.

A cold breeze chilled Yakko’s skin through his fur. He decided it was time to go back inside.

Before turning in, he decided to check on his siblings. Dot, on the bunk just above Yakko’s slept relatively quietly, occasionally muttering about how cute she was. Actually, Dot did look pretty cute when she was sleeping—a trait not many people possessed. And Yakko certainly didn’t expect the object of his affections to possess this trait, considering how gross he acted in his waking hours.

Yakko easily scaled the top bunk to gaze upon the object of his affection. His little brother, Wakko, lay curled up, pillow’s edge in his mouth, half-covered by the blanket.

Watching his brother sleep so innocently only forced the most dirty thoughts into Yakko’s mind. Hastily, he tried to expel them. “This is my baby brother! How could I ever think of doing those things to him?”

Looking shamefully down at Wakko, Yakko decided it was time for another cold shower.

-O-o-O-

For once in his life, Yakko was the last Warner sibling to wake up. Usually that honor fell to Wakko, but Yakko hadn’t exactly fallen asleep right after he went back to bed.

See, Yakko liked to talk. He talked almost every second of the day, to the point where Dr. Scratchinsniff threatened to duct tape his mouth shut. He even talked in his sleep, especially when something was bothering him. If Dot or Wakko had heard him, well….he didn’t want to think about it.

So one can imagine Yakko’s sheer horror when he woke up to Wakko, sitting by his bed, staring at him.

“Wakko, what are you doing?” Yakko shrieked, sitting straight up in bed.

“Watchin’ you,” Wakko answered calmly.

When Yakko realized that Wakko probably hadn’t heard him talking in his sleep—otherwise he would have been a lot less calm—he calmed down.

“I mean, what are you doing watching me,” Yakko said, more calmly.

Wakko shrugged. “You’re usually the first one up.”

Yakko sighed, relieved. However, Wakko took it as a sigh of exasperation and immediately drooped.

“If you don’t want me to, I won’t do it anymore,” he said in a small voice.

Yakko rushed to comfort him. “No, I don’t mind you watching me. Hope you’re enjoying the view.” Yakko flashed a cheesy smile at Wakko. Wakko giggled.

“God, what a cute giggle,” Yakko thought.

“I guess Dot’s already up,” Yakko commented, making the bed.

“She’s in the bathroom,” Wakko answered, throwing off his pajamas. He searched around for his blue sweatshirt.

Yakko turned around to look for his pants and let out a short cry of shock. He was staring directly at Wakko’s naked form. True, Wakko’s back was turned, and he didn’t normally wear pants, but still…. Yakko was fascinated by his brother’s lack of self-awareness sometimes. He suddenly turned away. “Stop gawking at your brother like that!” he mentally scolded himself.

“What happened?” Wakko asked, from under his shirt.

“I just stubbed my toe. I really should move the night table further away from the bed,” Yakko said, his eyes creeping slowly toward Wakko, who was still putting on his shirt and still naked.

At that moment, Dot came out of the bathroom. The minute she walked in the room, she shrieked. “Wakko, put your clothes on!”

Yakko saw a devilish smile come over his brother’s face.

“What if I don’t?” Wakko challenged, lifting his shirt higher over his head.

Yakko, despite his conflicting emotions, turned to the camera, blew a kiss and said, “Goodnight, everybody!”

Dot only rolled her eyes. “Wakko, if you don’t put your clothes on, I’ll be forced to….” She thought for a moment, then grinned menacingly. “I’ll be forced to call in a clown!”

Wakko’s eyes bugged out, then he very quickly slid his shirt onto his body.

Yakko raised an eyebrow. “Darn. I was beginning to enjoy that—WHAT?! NO!” He immediately slapped himself for thinking it. He put on his pants very quickly, hoping to hide the sudden protrusion.

As soon as the siblings finished breakfast, the phone rang. It was Dr. Scratchansniff, asking them to come in for their appointment.

Yakko was too consumed by his thoughts to even notice Hello Nurse, which really surprised Dot. Wakko, who was busy screaming, “Hello, Nurse!” didn’t seem to notice. Yakko felt a tiny pang when he saw his brother’s reaction to the voluptuous blonde. “How could I ever imagine that he’d feel the same way about me as I do about him?” he thought, sulking on the waiting room couch, oblivious to the bemused looks Dot gave him.

Dot gazed at Yakko. He definitely wasn’t himself today. Normally, he’d be talking a mile a minute, planning out exactly how he was going to fracture Scratchansniff’s sanity this week. And if he wasn’t doing that, he’d be happily looking at this month’s (or last year’s, depending on how diligently the magazines were replaced) issue of Toon Times. Today, he just sat there, looking as though he’d just been suckered into a conversation with Pip Pumphandle. Dot wanted to ask what was wrong, but she didn’t want to pry. Besides, she thought, he’ll probably be over it soon and be back to normal.

Dot, who wasn’t interested in any of the magazines, turned to Wakko to find him blowing spit bubbles. “Ew.”

Dot sighed. This was going to be a long wait.

Hello Nurse came out. “Yakko, Dr. Scratchansniff will see you now.”

Yakko dragged himself off the couch and trudged into the office.

-O-o-O-

Dr. Scratchansniff was shielding himself behind his desk, waiting for the inevitable explosion of Yakko entering. Honestly, every time the Warners came within a fifty foot radius of him, insanity and misery were sure to ensue. He couldn’t have one appointment without Yakko making sarcastic comments, Wakko doing something gross, and Dot getting off-topic and leading him on a verbal wild goose chase. A this rate, he was never going to get these kids de-zanitized.

“Vait a minute,” Dr. Scratchansniff thought. Instead of the usual noisy, zany greeting, he was hearing….silence?

The psychiatrist emerged from behind his desk to find Yakko, sitting quietly on the couch in front of him. He didn’t even seem to notice the doctor; he absently traced the wrinkles in the upholstery with his fingers, a pensive expression crossing his visage.

Scratchy had never seen Yakko this quiet. Ever. Even if he wasn’t talking, he’d usually be sitting there, smirking at the trouble that lay in store for the psychiatrist. Yakko didn’t seem to be plotting any kind of chaos; he seemed to be lost in his own world.

Scratchy cleared his throat to get Yakko’s attention. Sure enough, Yakko dragged his eyeballs up to meet Scratchy’s.

“Oh. Hi, Scratchy,” he muttered lethargically, punctuating his speech with a heavy sigh.

“Yakko, you seem to be awfully quiet today. Vhat seems to be zhe problem?” Scratchy asked, expecting Yakko to drop the act and start the chaos any second.

“Nothing.” Yakko mumbled.

Scratchy noted this on his pad of paper. This seemed serious.

“Yakko, if zhere ist a problem, you know you can tell me,” Scratchy said in a gentler tone. “Das ist vas I’m here for.”

“Okay, but I don’t think you’re gonna like it….”

“Try me.”

Yakko took a deep breath. “I think I’m attracted to my brother.”

Scratchy raised an eyebrow. This was new. He’d dealt with patients who had issues with incest, but it was a whole different story now that it was a Warner in the situation.

“You think I’m disgusting, don’t you?”

Scratchy looked up from his notepad. Yakko was staring at him, a hurt expression on his face.

“Nein, nein, I am not here to judge. Now, Yakko, are you sure zhat it is attraction you are feeling tovards Vakko?”

Yakko stared at him. “I. Want. To. Make. Out. With. My. Brother. Yes, I’m positive I’m attracted to Wakko,” Yakko retorted.

“Hmm….” Scratchy wrote on his pad some more. Yakko couldn’t take it anymore.

“You gotta help me, Scratchy! I’ve been hiding it from him all along and it’s eating me up inside! It’s only a matter of time until I slip up and say it or I say it in my sleep! I can’t have my brother thinking I’m some kind of freak!” Yakko jumped on Scratchy’s desk. “Seriously, I’m starting to find his lack of hygiene sexy,” he whispered behind his hand.

“Zhe only zhing I can suggest right now is writing zhese feelings in a journal. I vill have to zhink about zhis some more before going further,” Scratchy answered.

Yakko sighed, relieved. Maybe if he wrote his nasty little thoughts down, he wouldn’t have the urge to yell them from the top of the water tower anymore.

“Thanks, Scratchy! I’ll send Wakko in.” Yakko hopped off the desk and skipped out the door.

Scratchy knew he’d be able to refrain from telling Wakko about Yakko’s feelings for him. However, he still wasn’t exactly looking forward to this appointment. His office hadn’t smelled right since the last one. Plus, he could never get very far in de-zanitizing him because he never said much.

“So, Vakko, is zhere anything you vant to talk about?” Scratchy asked.

“Like what?” Wakko responded.

“Like…. Your relationship vith your siblings.”

“Oh.” Wakko smiled. “It’s fine.”

“Care to elaborate?” Scratchy pressed.

“It’s….really fine?”

Scratchy sighed. “Anything else? How about your day?”

Wakko thought for a while, then perked up. “I actually got up before Yakko! But not before Dot.”

“Go on.”

“And….she got into the bathroom first and took forever. So I didn’t shower.” Wakko grinned. Scratchy rubbed his temples.

Dot’s appointment was a little better. Scratchy got more out of her—maybe more than he wanted.

“So, Dot, vould you like to tell me about your relationship vith your brozers?” Scratchy asked.

“They’re cool most of the time, but sometimes Yakko talks in his sleep, which gets really annoying because he’s always yelling, ‘Hello, Nurse!’ And Wakko can be kinda gross. Like today, he didn’t take a shower—he hasn’t for two weeks now—and he wouldn’t put on his clothes until I threatened to sic a clown on him. Actually, now that I think about it, that was kinda funny.” Dot giggled.

Scratchy looked up in surprise. “He….vouldn’t put on his clothes?”

“Yeah, and it really seemed to freak Yakko out. I don’t know why, though, ‘cause they take baths together and they have the same stuff. Mostly.” Dot shrugged.

Scratchy was furiously writing on his notepad. Dot got bored and started balancing on her tail. She found that she could almost see Scratchy’s notepad.

“Whatcha writing?” she asked.

Scratchy held the pad against his chest. “Notes.”

“Oh. “ Dot got off her tail.

In the end, Scratchy didn’t call them in for a group appointment. Based on his notes, he had a lot to work through before he even made a dent in their zaniness.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If you lock three volatile cartoon characters in a tower and expect them to stay sane after sixty years, you're playing yourself.

[pines-troz]

One of my favorite aspect of Wakko’s Wish is how it gave almost all of the characters satisfying send-offs. But my favorite of these endings (other than Rita and Runt getting adopted by Scratchy) is Brain landing in position of power as the Prime Minister and Royal Advisor for the Warners, and using his authority to appoint Pinky as the stable worker so he could spend more time with Pharfignewton.

So after revisiting the movie, I’m really curious as to how Brain landed in a position of power in the first place. Did the Warners just hold auditions/interviews to look for any capable and trustworthy adults for the job and all agreed that Brain was the most qualified candidate? 

Because they had to fend for themselves for years without any adult supervision and after their run-in with Salazar, of course they’d be skeptical of certain human adults. The siblings would be pretty suspicious of Plotz and Ralph after they shot cannon balls at them, Dr. Scratchinsniff and CEO Nurse are busy with their soda company, and they don’t like The Mime. So I’m wondering if Brain just walked in prepared to make a compelling case for why he’d be a qualified candidate, but  Yakko, Wakko, and Dot take one look at this big-headed mouse and are just like “yes you, you’re now our royal advisor and the new prime minister”. 

[peachhoneii]

Looney Duck Tales AU:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit is one of my favorite films. The first time I watched it was in middle school/junior high. The story and characters, the entire aesthetic appealed to me as a kid, but I looking back on the experience the most entertaining aspect of the film was the interactions between the actual famous toons. Mickey and Bugs. Daffy and Donald. 

I lived for those scenes, absolutely loved them. It was such a cool thing to see these cartoon juggernauts, animated mascots for their companies to have casual, witty, and occasionally destructive exchanged with each other.

Point is I borrowed a bit from WFRR, specifically the Daffy and Donald thing and took it a step further that their creators may not have wanted. Here are some general outlines about this AU.

It’s a combination of DuckTales 2017, Tiny Toons, The Looney Tunes Show, and Animaniacs, with the additional Disney animated shows that are more or less confirmed to exist in DuckTales.

@spacedpanini and @donaldtheduckdad because they patiently listened to all my junky rambles.

Daffy and Donald were piano duelists in Hollywood at the Ink & Paint Club; they were popular because they could never finish a song. As you know why.

They didn’t like each other, but you don’t have to like someone to f*** them. There was an established FWB relationship going on that everyone knew about.

This predates Donald’s Navy career.

There wasn’t a big blast off to the club or relationship; Donald wanted adventure and was getting bored, so was Daffy. They ended amicably -- whatever it was.

Donald was pretty well liked at the club, and his performances are archived on the club’s website. Scrooge and Della do not know about this; none of the family does except Gladstone. Donald doesn’t know he knows.

Daffy became a drifter for years until he met Bugs at the post office. (The Looney Tunes Show)

He does have a child born to his ex-wife, Melissa. He has EOW. (Plucky Duck)

He’ll never admit it to Bugs, but moving in with him was the worst/best decision of his life.

Babs Bunny is Bugs’ biological daughter. Buster was adopted at age three. Daffy moved in when they were six years (making them 12 -- same age as the HDLW in this AU)

Bugs and Daffy are in an open relationship. They’re dating Lola and Tina respectively, and they’re okay with this arrangement.

Warnerstock is known for its rich history, culture, and long lost treasures.

Scrooge, Della, and Donald visited this country years ago.

The Warner Siblings (yes, the Warner sibs) are direct descendants of the last king of Warnerstock.

Yakko was 4 when SDD visited; he got along with all of them, though he annoyed the heck outta Donald. But Donald remains his favorite.

Della definitely had an intense affair/fling with the mom. It happens.

YWD’s parents died when Dot was an infant in a plane crash; they immigrated to America where they were raised by their parents’ close friend, psychiatrist Dr. Scratchinsniff. Happily adopted.

If you want, you’re free to add your opinions and headcanons. I’ve got a semi-formed idea of what I want to go, so I’ll be working on future installments. I want to see these character interact one way or another.