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sophierequests · 2 years ago

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The f!reader x Nikolai fic including Vasily was gorgeous! I just found it and wow - perfection. Absolutely jaw dropping.

Could I get a follow up fic about Nikolai's recovery? Maybe there are some after effects of the poison and he's struggling to get better. He's back at the Grand Palace but the fever, pain and dizziness keep plaguing him and he's having a hard time dealing with being so weak and feeling sick. Besides the wound on his chest hasn't healed either yet...

Basically reader being cute af and taking care of sick Nikolai (maybe also Vasily being a little but caring shit lmao)

bring me back to life // in the bright lilac light part two

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Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x f!Reader

A/N: This is part two to my 'Violet Rot' fic, so please check that out before you proceed with this one. Otherwise, you probably won't understand some of the references and the general set-up. I did not expect that anyone would want a part two to this particular fanfic, but I'm very glad you asked! Taking care of a sick Nikolai is very dear to my heart <3 Now I just have to wait for someone requesting a part three with the wedding djhalhldhja Thank you for requesting this, I hope I managed to live up to your expectations <3

You can find part one here!

Summary: Recovery is hard and there is nothing one can do to speed it up - very much to Nikolai's dismay.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, very much Fluff

Word Count: 4.2K

Warnings: Mention of death, blood, injuries and Vasily

"Why does he still look like he's standing on death's doorstep?" Vasily whispered to you as he looked down on his very sickly-appearing brother, who was supposed to have recovered from his injuries by now.

"Try getting stabbed with a poisoned blade and we'll see how you look after barely a week of being home," you replied, letting a comforting hand run through Nikolai's golden hair, carefully removing the wet strands that stuck to his fever-stricken forehead.

"I'm sure I'd at least have a little bit more…colour on my cheeks. That's all. He looks terrible," the prince mumbled almost childishly.

"I'm not unconscious, Vasily. I can hear you. Loud and clear for that matter. And it's not really aiding my headache," your fiancé rasped out, his voice heavy with exhaustion.

"I think it would be best if we'd give him a bit of space. Some peace would very likely do him some good," you sighed as you filled up another glass of water to at least keep him hydrated, putting it beside his bed and attempting to stand up.

"Stay, please." You felt his hand tightening around your wrist, his grip hardly firm enough to pull your hand towards him.

"I'll take that as my sign to leave." Vasily gave you a courteous nod before sauntering to the door. "Don't die while I'm gone, brother. I'd hate to be the one having to break the news to mother."

"Don't get blackout drunk. I'd hate to be the one having to tell Nikolai about you vomiting into one of the plant pots again," you called after him, earning a faint chuckle from the man next to you and an offended grunt from his brother.

You turned back to Nikolai, watching him struggle as he attempted to sit up. The wound on his chest was still an oozing mess that just didn't want to heal properly. He could barely move his torso to complete the most basic tasks, and it infuriated him deeply. The additional fever and dizzy spells didn't improve his already low spirits.

"I hate to admit it, but our pompous little prince is right. You do look terrible, my love."

"Oh, so now you're taking his side?" he lamented dramatically, presumably putting all his energy into the act.

"Well, he is to be my future brother-in-law, after all. I must agree with him occasionally or else he might think badly of me. And who would want that?" you mused with highly sarcastic undertones.

"And I'm your future husband, does that not have any merit in the matter?"

"You're right. I should marry Vasily instead. Just to not commit any sort of treason by periodically opposing my beloved." Nikolai's gaze shot towards you, shock and a slight hint of disgust in his eyes.

"Don't you dare even think about that," he griped, fiddling with the delicate engagement ring on your finger.

It was a habit he had picked up ever since he had proposed to you. Whenever nervousness or stress overtook him, he'd reach out to take your hand into his, mindlessly twisting and turning the golden band. On the rare occasion that you weren't around, he would do the same with his own. It just wasn't as comforting.

"I would never," you snorted. "I do have standards. Even though I had to tweak them quite a bit to consent to marrying you."

Instead of giving you one of his snarky comebacks, he squeezed your hand one last time before letting go of it. His free hand reached for the glass of water on the side table next to him, but he was too weak to properly hold on to it, causing it to shake heavily. You quickly snatched it out of his hand, earning a dissatisfied glare from the young Lantsov.

"Love, I can-"

"Your hands are shaking like reeds in the wind, darling. As much as I would love to see you do all these things by yourself again, you can't right now. And that's okay. I'll take care of you until then," you assured.

"It's just so…frustrating," he let out a huffed breath, visibly overwhelmed by the whole situation.

He wanted nothing more than to just feel like his old self again. It infuriated him how weak he was. The pain should have gotten better by now, yet he still felt like a frail porcelain doll that threatened to break every time it left the shelf. And as much as he appreciated you taking care of him, he couldn't shake off the feeling of being useless.

"I know," you sighed, letting your eyes trail down to the bandage covering his chest. "But the more pressure you put yourself under, the longer it'll take for you to get better."

Nikolai turned his head to the side, not wanting you to see his face in case he wasn't able to keep the tears from falling. You seeing him cry would only humiliate him more, he thought.

"Nikolai." You cupped his cheek with one hand, pulling his face back to look at you. He hated that you knew him well enough to realise what was going on inside his head. "Don't be so hard on yourself. We're all so relieved that you're alive - even Vasily. No one expects you to do anything other than recover. No matter how long that might take. Please get some rest and let me help you."

"You shouldn't have to take care of me," he breathed out. "You shouldn't have to worry about my health or whether I will make it through the night. I'm so sorry for putting you through all of this."

"I'm not doing this because I have to, Nikolai. I'm doing this because I want to. Taking care of you isn't burdensome. Not to me." He closed his eyes as your thumb began to trace circles over the slight ridge of his cheekbone. "We're engaged - soon to be married. One of the conditions for that is to be there for the other. In sickness and in health. We may have not exchanged our vows yet, but that doesn't matter. I love you too much to watch you wither away like this. Let me do this for you."

"Thank you." His voice was barely above a whisper.

"Now, drink something and then try to sleep for a bit. I still have some correspondence to take care of, but it won't take too long. I'll come back as soon as I'm done. Send for me in case you need me. " He only nodded in response, too tired to say or do much more.

You pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead before you left his bedroom. Of course, you would have preferred staying with him, even if it was just to watch him sleep. However, you still had a few duties of your own to fulfil and you couldn’t shove them away forever. You couldn’t allow yourself another misstep after lying to your parents about your whereabouts, that was for sure.

After close to two hours spent with measly paperwork and bureaucratic duties, your focus was pried away from the neatly stacked documents on your desk by muffled bickering in the hallway outside your door. You took a quick look at your pocket watch, concluding that it was definitely way too late for your parents to still be out and about.

A bit hesitantly, you abandoned your previous occupation, carefully tiptoeing towards the corridor where the noise had to come from. The scene you had to witness almost gave you a heart attack.

Vasily stood in the middle of the hall, his normally pristine white shirt dirtied with bloodstains. He was hunched over, hovering close to another person that sat on the hard marble floor, their back pressed against the wall. When you noticed that said person was none other than your fiancé - blood smeared all over his hand and shirt, a dazed look on his face - you immediately sprung into action.

“Vasily?” You directed your question at the more alert-looking Lantsov. “By the Saints, what happened?”

“Fuck, if I only knew!” he replied, his stern features relaxing as you approached the two of them. “I was just about to retire to my chambers after a hard day of-”

“Day drinking? You reek of kvas, Vasily,” you muttered under your breath, poignantly ignoring the scowl he gave you.

“As I said, I was about to make my way back to my chambers until I saw this fool lying on the floor with blood everywhere. I thought he was dying! I tried to get him back to his own bedroom, but I can’t possibly carry him back there on my own. Especially not with all that carnage on him.” You rolled your eyes at his theatrics, crouching down next to his brother to assess whatever was going on.

“Nikolai,” you said his name once, your hand finding his face like it had a few hours earlier. His eyes were open, but he seemed to be somewhat loopy. “Love, are you alright?”

“Yes,” he hissed through gritted teeth, his bloody hand clutching the wound on his chest as he tried to sit up straight. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” you warned, looking at the quite deep cut that ran across his arm and hand. “Do you think you can walk back to your room? With our help, of course.” Vasily scoffed, but you didn’t let that bother you. “I have to take a look at that. You don’t need another injury that runs the risk of developing an infection.”

He wanted to say yes, but when another jolt of pain shot through his body, you knew that you couldn’t let that happen.

“That’s a no. Vasily, I will need your help to carry him to my bedroom. It’s right around the corner and we won’t risk having any of his wounds reopen.”

Even though the prince gave you a sharp look of dismay, he followed your bidding. Slowly, he bent down to his brother, slinging an arm around his middle to awkwardly force him to stand. Nikolai tried everything in his power to get both of his feet on the ground. However, he could only hold his weight for a few seconds before his knees threatened to give in. Vasily had to stifle a gag when he felt the wet blood dripping on his skin and staining his clothes. If you hadn’t been so worried about the state of your boyfriend you would have probably found his reaction pretty amusing.

“Are you certain that you want this biological hazard to be brought to your chambers?” he asked, turning up his nose when his brother let out a low grunt. “Wouldn’t it be preferable to bring him to a Healer? You know, like a person that is specifically trained to treat wounds like this?”

“No Healer, please,” Nikolai panted, tightening his hold on Vasily’s shoulder.

Both of you knew that he wasn’t too fond of Healers. It was not like he disliked or opposed them, but after seeing what people like them were used for in the Second Army. He had seen what they could fix, but he had also seen what they could destroy.

“It’s fine. I’ll take care of it. As much as I have seen, it’s nothing life-threatening. And even if it were, we all know that I have some experience in treating life-threatening injuries by now.” You flashed Vasily a cocky grin, reminding him of the threat on his life you made should he ever even do so much as think about telling anyone about what he saw in that medical tent.

“If you insist,” he mumbled, taking steady steps towards your room.

Once you finally reached the safety of your chambers, you ordered him to set him down in one of the armchairs next to your vanity - bloodstains be damned. Nikolai groaned as soon as his brother let go of him, his back hitting the braided wicker quite harshly.

“Uhm, I’ll go and…clean myself up now. Especially before mother sees this,” Vasily declared, his gaze staying on his little brother for a bit longer before he turned to leave. “You know where to find me in case you need any help hiding the body. Or whatever issue you might need help with.”

“Thank you, Vasily.” No matter how often this man had infuriated and annoyed you before, you couldn’t help but appreciate his unexpected acts of kindness when you needed them most. Even with his unnecessary commentary. “I think I can handle him for the night. But thank you nonetheless.”

With an acknowledging nod, he exited the room, leaving you alone to deal with a bleeding Nikolai.

“First things first, I’ll need to get you cleaned up, sweetheart,” you explained, hurrying towards the bathroom to grab a wet rag and all the other medical supplies you were sure to need.

Since you couldn’t have been sure whether the bloodstains on his shirt were from the fresh wound on his arm or the stab wound on his chest, you decided that his shirt had to go - it was ruined anyway, so what was the harm?

“Darling, shouldn’t we get married before consummating said marriage?” your fiancé joked, looking down at you as you unbuttoned his shirt.

“Kolya, this is not the time,” you rebutted light-heartedly, pulling the ruined shirt off his shoulders and allowing him to do the rest.

With rather unsteady hands, you tried to clean all of the remaining blood off his torso and arms, seeing that the wound on his hand wasn’t too drastic after all. He didn’t fuss when you tossed the dirty rag, replacing the warm feeling of the wet fabric with the cool sting of the numbing cream. The relief on his face was evident in an instant.

As you put a bandage around his arm and hand, you felt his gaze fixating on you, not leaving your form, not even when you left his side to clean out the piece of cloth and stash away your medical supplies. You couldn’t help but think about his nickname ‘sobachka’. He hated that nickname, but in moments like these, it rang more true than ever. He really was a lost little puppy sometimes.

“Are you alright, Nikolai?” you asked softly, stealing a brief glance at the bandage wrapped around his torso, which he detested with a burning passion.

“I am now. Thank you, my love,” he sighed, letting his gaze waiver towards the clunky bandage on his arm.

“Do you mind telling me what caused you to drag yourself outside of your room with a bleeding wound? How did you even manage that?”

“I was thirsty,” he began, the façade of the confident prince slipping, revealing a meek little boy that had to talk about something he really didn’t want to. “I couldn’t hold onto the glass and it shattered on the floor. And since I didn’t want to have someone else remove it, I tried cleaning it up. Well, let’s just say it didn’t turn out how it was supposed to.”

“And why didn’t you call for me, honey?” you sighed, retrieving one of his spare shirts from your dresser, not wanting him to get even sicker from the cool evening breeze that filtered in through your open windows.

“I didn’t want anyone else to see me like…this.”

“So you opted for stumbling through half of the Grand Palace looking like you had just murdered someone instead?”

“When you put it like that it sounds a lot less logical than I had imagined it.” Now you could see how he and Vasily were related.

“You were really lucky that your brother’s drinking habit forces him to be out this late. I don’t even want to imagine how long you would have stayed outside if he hadn’t found you.”

“We should probably call him again to help with getting me back to my chambers,” he fretted, dreading having to rely on Vasily’s help again.

“Absolutely not. You’re staying here for the night. I’m not letting you out of my eyesight tonight. Not after this stunt,” you declared, grinning at the befuddled expression on his face.

“We’re sleeping in the same bed? Before we’re actually married? Scandalous.”

“Choose your words wisely, or else I might let you sleep on the floor.”

“You would let a poor injured man sleep on the cold, hard floor? That’s pretty heartless.”

“Maybe I should genuinely reconsider marrying you if that’s how you see me. I heard Vasily is still looking for a wife,” you sneered, throwing him the shirt and watching while he put it on.

“Tough luck. You’d have to compete with his love for whiskey and horses first, and I have a sneaking suspicion of which one of you would win that scrabble.” You let out a faint laugh at that, shaking your head as you moved closer to him.

“Alright, enough slander for the day. Let’s get your stubborn ass to bed.” You offered him your arm, supporting him steadily before you cautiously manoeuvred him towards your bed. He was very unsteady on his feet, heavily relying on you to keep him standing, but you were glad that his knees didn’t threaten to buckle this time.

Slowly, you let him sit on the bed, lifting the duvet for him to crawl under. You were very careful when you slid in next to him. Even though you didn’t want to treat him like he might turn to dust as soon as someone touched him, you still had to be cautious to not accidentally hurt him.

A part of your worry subsided when he opened his arms, beckoning you to come closer to him. He may be a bit weaker than what he was used to, but his neediness was still on the same level as it was before. So with a hint of hesitance, you scooted closer to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around you.

His arms were still wrapped around your waist when you woke up the next morning. The sun that filtered through the window bathed both of you in a warm golden light that made wanting to get up even more difficult than you had expected. You couldn’t even begin to describe how much the thought of waking up like this for the rest of your life excited you.

You placed a gentle kiss on the sharp line of his jaw, tracing your arm along his arms before slipping out of his grasp. You had expected him to wake up after feeling you kiss him, however, he remained laying in bed like a wet sack of flour. For a moment you panicked, fearing that something might have been wrong with him. But when you intended to reach for his wrist in an attempt to check his pulse, a sonorant snore left his mouth. Perhaps he really just needed a long good night’s sleep.

He only showed any sort of life when you re-entered the bedroom after you had changed. His snores had seized completely now, replaced with his soft breathy chuckle as he watched you parade around your room.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” you laughed, seeing him sit up slowly. You were glad to see that he looked a whole lot better than yesterday. “You slept well, I assume?”

“How could I not? I slept next to you, after all.” His hazel eyes glistened in the light, resembling two pieces of true amber. “I can’t recall the last time I had a dream this pleasant.”

“What did you dream of?”

“I dreamt of a life with you in it.” His honesty made you freeze for a second. He was quite the piece of work. One second he had you fearing for his life, and the next he made your heart skip a beat because of how utterly besotted with you he was.

“I’m already in your life, Kolya. And I’m not intending to leave it anytime soon.” You walked over to your bed to press a faint kiss to his cheek. As a reminder that you would always be here.

“If I get bet-”

“When. When you get better,” you corrected, reaching for his hand to squeeze it reassuringly.

“When I get better, we should look into moving the wedding forward. I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

“So eager to marry me now, aren’t we?” you laughed, letting out a high-pitched squeak when he pulled you towards him. “Nikolai, be careful!”

“Oh, love, I’ve been eager to marry you ever since the day I proposed to you.” He peppered your cheeks with kisses, forcing you to giggle like a young schoolgirl. Every single etiquette lesson you ever had the joy of attending flew right out of the window while your fiancé continued to make you laugh and wiggle erratically.

“I suppose I’ll have to agree to that.”

This was the life you wanted to have.

Nikolai had opted to stay in your chambers for a few days longer. This way, you would be able to get to him quicker, he reasoned. And obviously, you weren’t one to deny him. Staying with you seemingly helped him in his recovery, and it helped you in calming your nerves.

You could the colour return to his cheeks again, the longer he rested and let himself be taken care of. He was still weaker than he had anticipated, but he could do most of the minor self-care tasks himself. He could hold a glass, eat, and even managed to get himself to the bathroom without any sort of support. Even though that felt like a minuscule step to him, you were more than proud of him.

One week after he started sleeping in your room, he made you feel even prouder.

It had been such a long and tiring day of working through the piles of documents and correspondence that you could quite literally feel your body gravitating towards the floor. A quick glimpse at the clock told you that Nikolai was probably already waiting for you to come back. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you at all today - you had been with him for breakfast, lunch and dinner - but he still managed to pump up his theatrics and act like you had abandoned him for years. His penchant for overdramatisation didn’t help you with stowing away all your paperwork.

You pulled yourself to your feet, arranging and sorting all the different stacks you had created, before you put them in their respective cabinets surrounding your table. You had been so focused on your work that you didn’t hear the door behind you clicking shut, and someone approaching you very slowly.

A pair of firm arms wrapped around your middle from behind, someone’s head now resting on your shoulder. You were close to whacking whoever it was with the not particularly heavy paperweight, but when a gentle kiss was pressed to the column of your throat, you rethought that intention. Nikolai let out a muffled hum, his body flush with yours as you sunk into his touch. You didn’t begin to process the semantics of his presence until you noticed him sway backwards ever so slightly.

“Wait, Nikolai?” You wiggled yourself out of his grasp, your hands still resting on his in case he needed to steady himself. When you turned, you saw the smug-looking prince glance at you like he had just been caught red-handed in doing something he shouldn’t.

“Were you expecting someone else?” he asked, sounding almost offended.

“How did you get here?” You waved off his question, letting your eyes wander towards the door in an attempt to check for someone who could have helped him get here. The walk from your bedroom to the waiting room wasn’t long, but it was definitely longer than the walk to your bedroom.

“How do you expect me to get here?” He smiled at you, waiting for you to finally understand what this statement implied.

You raised a quizzical brow, not really following what he was trying to tell you.

“Since my horse didn’t fit through your door frame I had to take it upon myself to walk over to you,” he explained, watching the realisation spread over your face.

“You walked over here by yourself?” you beamed, unable to contain your excitement. “Kolya, that’s so good! I’m so proud of you. I knew you’d get better soon. Are you okay? Does anything hurt? Do y-”

He silenced you by pressing his lips onto yours, abruptly ending your ramblings with a smile on his face.

“I’m fine. A bit sore, but fine.” He kissed your forehead once more. “It’s late. I was wondering why you didn’t come to bed. Apparently, my terribly worrisome heart and undying love for you was enough of a reason for my body to eventually listen to me again.”

“Admit it, your main objective is to push our wedding date forward,” you laughed, looking up at him to see him smile sheepishly.

“I see, you have revealed one of my most well-guarded secrets,” Nikolai bemoaned with a fake scowl.

“If that is one of your most well-guarded secrets, I can’t even begin to imagine what the other end of that spectrum loo-" He kissed you again, uncaring of whatever sarcastic comment you might have to offer.

"Y/N!" The door to your office was slammed open. "Nikolai is not in his or your b-" Vasily stopped dead in his tracks, seeing his brother and fiancée look at him amusedly after you had just visibly been making out.

Both of you watched as a shade of deep red shot into his face as he noted the mistake he made by not knocking.

"Forgive me, I'll leave you to it."

Taglist:

Grishaverse fics in general: @yesshewrites1 @dal-light

Nikolai Lantsov: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @kaye-here @maximoffgxrl @lastwandastan

#nikolai lanstov x reader #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone #netflix shadow and bone #grishaverse x reader #grishaverse #grishaverse fanfic

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0hi0-is-4-l0vers · 4 years ago

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HAI!!!

Hi!!! My name is Slaughterhaus! My pronouns are he/they/e/star and I've never left my scemo phase so... Here I am posting about that!

My favorite bands/artists are My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Bring Me The Horizon, Asking Alexandria, Breathe Carolina, and Pierce The Veil. My main fandom and the thing I have the most brainrot over is Danganronpa, but I also like Pokemon, Splatoon, Invader Zim, Naruto, and Devil May Cry. Other things I like include lost media, gemology, writing, and drawing (I'm a furry lmao).

I have a LOT of sideblogs. If you notice me following you and you aren't scene or emo related it's probably because your stuff better fits another one of my sideblogs. I have wayyy to many to name

You can spam like/rb! It gives me serotonin that you enjoy my blog that much!

DNIs hardly ever work but I will not tolerate bigotry or harassment of any kind. I block liberally and I don't believe in soft blocking people either. If you give me bad vibes I will probably block you. Rather than telling who can and can't follow me I'll just list my values and let you decide for yourself if you wanna interact with me or not.

Pro (love this!)

All system types, otherkin/therians/alterhumans, mspec lesbians/gays, xenogenders, neopronouns

Anti (hate this!)

general bigotry (transphobia, homophobia, racism, ableism etc), flag discourse, pro-ED/SH, fatphobia, MAPs/pedos, harassment, gatekeepers, transmeds/truscum, think misandry and transmisandry aren't real

This blog is not for discourse or gatekeeping. Please don't bring that shit my way.

Last updated 2/10/23

#slaughterhaus is online!

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make-me-imagine · 4 years ago

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Mystery Prompts: Category 1: 23, M. Category 2: D, 98. Fandom: X-men. Character: Wolverine. Prompt List D. Sensory Prompt: ‘Warm water rushing over your body’. (Did not use genre pick for this one).

Premise: After a rather intense and exhausting day, the reader opens up to Logan a little bit, before breaking down when alone. The next day, he finally admits why he cares so much.

Requested by: @destynelseclipsa (this was the first option you sent in)

Pairing: Logan/Wolverine x Gen!Neutral Reader

Triggers: Very brief mentions of fighting, as well as mentions of emotional exhaustion, and hatred (towards mutants in this case), and crying. (I swear it has a happy ending)

Words: 2.5k

Marvel Taglist: @aquariuslavenderhoney, @thebookbakery, @groovyfluxie, @marvelouslyme96, @supersourlemon13

Note: This started out as a simple short oneshot and then it just kept going lmao

You sighed as you finally walked back into the mansion, slightly slumped over in exhaustion as you dragged your feet underneath you. Professor X, Scott, and Jean in front of you, Storm and Logan on either side of you. They all got off pretty easily, being able to fight at a distance, besides Logan, who just healed quickly no matter what happened, but you could tell he was pretty tired as well.

Your mutations were rather simple, heightened senses, strength and agility and you could emit a form of energetic pulse from your hands when in contact with something or someone. You had to fight in close combat, so you got a lot of the brunt force of the enemies you had fought. A group of anti-mutant terrorists who would hunt your kind down. There was a higher power behind them, and none of you knew who it was.

Entering into the main room of the mansion, the others all followed Professor X into his office, you turned to do the same, but stopped when you heard his voice in your head.

“Go relax Y/n, I know you are quite exhausted after what happened, there is no need for you to stay up any longer.”

You must be exhausted if you had let down your guard, your strong mental wall collapsed enough for him to so easily connect with you. Giving him a silent thank you, you turned and headed for the stairs, feeling a presence behind you, you looked back to see Logan following close.

“Did he send you to bed like a child as well?” you asked. There was no malicious intention in your voice, but the Professor had a knack at treating you like one of his students, not that you minded in most cases.

He smiled “Not in so many words.”

You continued up the stairs, highly aware of his eyes burning into the back of your head. As you made it to your floor, you continued toward your room before you stopped and turned around. Seeing Logan still behind you.

“Is there a reason you’re following me to my room?” you asked with a questionable gaze at him.

“The professor didn’t send me to bed so much as he sent me to check on you.”

You let out a soft laugh before turning back to your room and going inside, Logan entering after you.

During the fight, there was a particularly hostile man, who seemed to be in charge. He cornered you in a room and used some fairly violent anti-mutant weapons they had apparently developed. It took a lot of your strength but you were able to fight him off. But more than that, it was also exhausting on your emotions. You were also an empath. You could feel his pure rage and hatred for you, it was too strong to ignore. Once you got away from him, the Professor must have sensed the stress on you. It was rare that you felt someone with so strong of emotions, especially such violent ones.

“Why did he send you?” you asked as you sat on the edge of your bed, slipping off your shoes before peering up at him, as he leaned against the wall, watching you closely.

He stared at you for a second, as if he was debating something before he shrugged “Who knows?” you couldn’t ignore the pang of disappointment as he said this “So, tell me, why’s the professor so concerned?”

You sighed as you stared down at the floor, your emotions returning as you thought of what happened, the mans taunting words and harsh emotions flowing through you again.

“You don’t deserve to exist in this world. You’re a monster, and monsters needs to be destroyed.”

Logan straightened up slightly “What?”

“That’s what the man said” you said as you stood up “And, I’ve....never, felt that sort of intense hatred from one single person before. With other people, non-mutants, I’ve felt fear, confusion, pity, excitement, and hate, but not that...pure. And as an empath, it’s exhausting” you finished simply before adding “I’m sure the professor could feel it, that’s why he wanted you to check on me.” you began to walk past him “You can tell him I’ll be fine, I’m going to take a shower. Goodnight Logan.” you said before walking into your bathroom and closing the door.

You leaned against the bathroom door, a few moments passed and your heart was pounding as you felt Logan’s presence on the other side of the door, before you heard him step away and leave your room. You let out a sigh as you undressed and got into the shower. As the warm water rushed over your body, you felt your body relax under the heat as you stood still, drenching yourself. You stared down at the shower drain as you saw dirt and grime wash off your body. Your mind played back on the man again.

Why does he hate us so much? Did a mutant hurt him in the past? Something had to happened to make him feel such pure hatred. Or is it just natural? Can someone be born with that much hate in them?

In some sense you wanted to understand, but, at the same time you didn’t. If you understood, then you might be able to feel that kind of hatred. And you never want to hate someone that much. But it wasn’t just hatred. It was disgust.

Your mind wandered to Logan. Why would the Professor send him? Did he know how you felt toward Logan? Did he think you would open up to him, more than the others.

Logan had been at the school for a few years now, and you got along well enough, but hardly spent a lot of time alone. But you couldn’t help but admire his strength, his instincts, and though he tries to hide it, his kindness. But he loves Jean. There was a time, when you could no longer handle not knowing, so you used your power on him, and felt a strong emotion of love. And when you felt it emanating off of him, it was when he was looking at her. That should have been enough to stop you from feeling something, but it didn’t. But you did stop using your powers around him. You didn’t want to feel that sort of overwhelming disappointment again.

Being reminded of that pain, and that love he felt for someone else, and then the hatred and disgust you felt today aimed at you and your kind. You thoughts going back to the hatred of others you’ve endured for years. You couldn’t help the sob that suddenly escaped your mouth as you brought your hand to your mouth. You tried to shut off the emotions, turn them off, but you were so exhausted, losing control of your powers. So as the tears came, you let the warm water wash them away.

- - -

The next morning as you walked down the stairs, kids running around the mansion to get to their first classes, you felt slightly sore, but otherwise alright. Approaching the Professors office, you knocked as you walked in, the door already open.

The Professor looked up at you with a smile “Good morning Y/n, how are you feeling today?”

You closed the door behind you before approaching his desk “Better.” you said with a soft smile “But I had a question.”

“What would that be?”

“Why did you send Logan to check on me?”

The Professor stared at your for a moment, and you could tell he was repressing a smile “I did not send Logan.”

You stared at him for a moment “Then why did he follow me to my room last night, and say that you did?”

“Well. I would suppose, to save himself from the embarrassment he might feel if you knew he wanted to check on you of his own will.”

“Why would he be embarrassed, we’re friends, he could have just asked.” you said, still not understanding.

The Professor shrugged his shoulders before he smiled “Perhaps that is a question you should ask him.”

After leaving his office, you continued on with your day, not seeing Logan at all except in passing. You weren’t sure why, but you had avoided him throughout the day. Maybe because you wanted to avoid a conversation that would include “You’re my friend and I wanted to see if you were alright”, because, though you were happy being friends with him, you couldn’t help but want more.

You sat on a bench in the garden, the kids all inside for the evening. You stared at the leaves blowing the trees, lost in thought.

“Hey.” a voice said suddenly, as a hand was placed on your shoulder.

You gasped and jumped at the sudden intrusion before looking back at who it was, seeing Logan looking at your with a look of confusion and amusement. “Logan” you breathed out before shaking your head at your own reaction.

“I was calling your name but you didn’t hear me” he said as he rounded the bench and sat next to you.

“Sorry, just distracted.” you said plainly, ignoring the heavy beating of your heart as you wondered why he was sitting so close.

“How are you feeling today?”

You eyed him “Did the Professor send you again?” you asked, a hint of sarcasm in your voice.

He met your eyes for a moment before turning away “No. And-” he cleared his throat “He didn’t send me last night either. “

“I know.” you said simply as his head snapped back in your direction.

“You know?”

You nodded “I talked to the professor this morning.”

“Ah” he said simply “So? Are you going to answer my question?” he asked, changing the subject.

You smiles softly “I’m alright Logan.”

He stared at you, you were smiling, and your voice was so soft, but, there was hardly any emotion in your eyes. The familiar brightness that usually shone in your eyes was faded. You were always full of so much emotion.

“Why don’t I believe you?”

You realized how serious he looked. Was he worried? You opened your mouth to speak, but closed it shortly after, looking straight ahead again “I’m okay.” you said, as if trying to convince yourself “Just tired. Sometimes feeling everything all the time is exhausting to the point where, there is a short time where I don’t feel much of anything at all.” you admitted, you turned to look at him again and smiled “It’ll pass, it always does.”

He stared at your for a moment “I hope so. I hate seeing you suffering more than others. You don’t deserve it.”

“Are you saying that others deserve it?” you countered.

He smiled “No. I would just prefer if it wasn’t you. You take on more than others without trying.”

“You’re kind Logan” you said, “Even if you pretend you’re not.”

He let out a soft laugh as he shook his head “Only to you.”

“And to Jean” you hesitated for a second “And Storm” you quickly added on, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

“Well, I like them. But, I’m nice to them, not kind. You’re the one who insists there is a difference between them.”

“You’re kind to Jean” you finally said, tired of him refusing to admit his feelings, you looked at him “I know how you feel about her.”

Logan stared at you, his brow furrowed as you continued “I don’t feel anything for her.”

You scoffed “Of please Logan, I felt it. I get why you deny it, I mean she’s with Scott, but, you...can tell me, I don’t mind. It’s hard to keep that kind of thing to yourself.”

“What exactly did you feel?”

You met his eyes, your heart beating quickly, as the reminder of the pain and disappointment you felt showed itself again “Love. When you looked at her.”

He sat forward with a sight “When did you feel it?”

“It was a while ago, maybe a year or so I guess.”

He laughed “Do it again.”

“What?”

“Use your power. Feel what I’m feeling now.”

“That- that, won’t work, she’s not here, so if you’re trying to prove something-.”

“Just do it.”

You stared at him for a moment, seeing how seriously he looked. You let out a breath as you relaxed and expanded your power encasing him as you felt his emotion. He was feeling, nervous, but calm at the same time, a hint of what you recognize as fondness, but there was something deeper, something he was repressing, it was strong.

“You feel that?”

“I don’t feel anything, not really, not on the surface at least..”

“Exactly. I’m thinking about Jean right now.” He leaned forward a bit as he stared into your eyes “Now what do you feel.”

As he stared at you, you felt his emotions change rapidly, as that deep emotion became obvious. He was more nervous, almost scared, a bit excited, but the main emotion you could feel pulsing from him was familiar, the same emotion you felt before, when he was looking at her. But it seemed stronger this time. More prominent.

“Love.” you said quietly.

A small smile formed on his face “That’s because I’m thinking of you.”

Your heart seemed to stop for a moment in your chest as you looked at him “I came to check on you last night because I could tell you were hurting. I wanted to stay, to, help you, but you didn’t want me too. And now I get that it’s because you thought I loved Jean. And I did. But not for a long time. Not since I got to know you. You are the one person I care most about in this place, and the last person I want to see hurting. “

As you stared at him, still feeling the heavy emotions coming from him, now pairing with your own, you felt a tear escape the side of your eye. Logan, seeing it, smiled lightly. He knew what using your powers could do, it made you feel everything so strongly, and he had known that you felt something for him for a while.

Reaching out, he wiped the tear away with his thumb, then placed his hand across your cheek “You can turn it off now.”

You stared at him for a second, taking in the gentleness of his touch, and the way he was staring at you “I don’t want to.” you said quietly, almost in a whisper.

He smiled at you “Alright” he said before he leaned forward, bringing you into a deep kiss. For a second, you felt a strong burst of emotion from the both of you, before it was silenced, your power turned off as you relaxed and melted into the kiss.

As the strong emotions faded away, Logan pulled away from you as he looked into your eyes “That feeling won’t go away if you stop searching for it, it won’t fade, I promise.”

Unsure of what to say, you simply smiled at him, and his heart seemed to swell as he could once again see the bright emotion in your eyes again, no longer hidden behind a vale of exhaustion and pain as he leaned in for another kiss. The second of many more.

If you liked this please consider reblogging it, so that it can be shared with others~

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otakusheep15 · 4 years ago

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SFW Alphabet - Satan

I had a really hard time trying to get Satan’s character right, so I hope I did a good job with this one

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He’s not super affectionate, physical, verbal, or otherwise. Really, that’s just a side-effect of him being born from pure wrath. He simply just can’t express emotions very well. You’ll most likely have to initiate any affection if you want it. However, he does also like when you lay your head on his lap and he reads to you since it doesn’t require much.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’s the mom friend for sure. He helps you with anything you may need from studying to pranks. Of course, he does also make sure you both make it out of any trouble unscathed. I also lowkey see him as the type to carry around random snacks to feed strays he comes across, and he’ll give some to you so that you can also feed the strays.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Like I said, affection isn’t his strong suit, so cuddling isn’t really his thing. The closest he’ll get to cuddling is either you two sitting next to each other on the bed/couch or with him sitting up and you laying on his lap. He may also pat your head like you’re a cat. There might also be reading involved if he’s awake enough to read out loud to you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He does like the idea of settling down, but he’s unsure if he really can. Yes, he can do basic household chores like cooking and cleaning, but he feels as though he couldn’t handle the more emotional side of settling down. Doing something like that means you truly love the person you’re with and he’s afraid that he might not have the emotional capacity to feel that strongly about someone. Then you came along and destroyed all of that nonsense. Now he wants nothing more than to drag you away and live out a romance just like in his favorite books.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

There would most likely be a lot of yelling. Also lots of things being thrown around in rage. When he’s mad, he’s mad, and a breakup is a great way to get him mad. If he’s the one initiating it, he’ll try to keep a level head, but that solely depends on how the other person reacts. If they’re also calm, then it’ll be pretty civil and respectful, and they might even stay friends after. However, if the other person starts getting mad, that only makes him worse and it does not get better for that other person.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Before you? He never even considered the idea. After you? That’s practically all he can think about. You know that one friend we all have that constantly gushes over sappy romance stories and constantly wishes how that could live them out with their partner? Yeah, that’s him. He’ll never admit that out loud though. The only one who actually knows about all of his fantasies are Asmo because he once walked in on him comparing you to this one character from a romance novel he liked (kinda like Levi with his anime).

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He knows how dangerous he can be. Not only is he a demon, and a powerful at that, but he also the literal embodiment of wrath. Even after years of keeping up his gentlemanly facade, all it takes is the slightest inconvenience to set him off. So he’s extra careful around you. Physically, he tries not to get to close to you, especially when he’s pissed off. Verbally, he tries to watch his language around you because he doesn’t want to hurt you by saying anything mean.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

His hugs are extremely rare but surprisingly nice. Since he’s scared he might hurt you by accident, and his lack of need for physical affection, he doesn’t hug you very often. However, they are super relaxing when they do happen. He hugs you just tight enough to keep you pressed to his body, but not so tight that it’s uncomfortable.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Out of all the brothers, he one of the last ones to say it. He’s not all the familiar with the concept of love, especially in romantic context. Obviously, he knows how it feels in theory, but he can hardly figure it out in practice. The worst part is that he knows he loves you, but he has no clue how to go about it. When he does finally say it, he seems perfectly calm and collected, but he’s internally screaming the whole time. You’ll never know.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Surprisingly, he’s not one to get jealous easily. One of the benefits of having a poor grasp on emotions maybe? Whatever the case, he always tends to take a more logical approach to things, relationships included. He knows that you’re loyal to him and so he trusts you. If he has any reason to be jealous, then he’ll talk to you and workout any problems or concerns.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses can go one of two ways. They can 1) be the softest, most romantic kisses you’ve ever felt in your life, or 2) the most heated and passionate kisses you’ve ever felt in your life. Literally no in between. The former will usually happen during softer moments of bliss. Maybe you two were just in his room and relaxing or in the library studying. The latter only ever happens during more ~spicy~ times *wink wink*.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He hates kids. That’s it. He hates them. They’re such a hassle, they need constant supervision and care, and they never shut up. He is a firm believer in children being the worst creatures in all the three realms.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He always wakes up first no matter what. He’ll go down to the kitchen and make you a cup of tea, but that’s only when you guys don’t have school. If you do have school, he’ll wake you up as gently as possible and help you get ready.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He’ll usually drag you to hs room so that you two can spend the evening reading together. Sometimes you end up sitting next to each other and reading your own books, others you may end up in his lap while he reads to you. You mostly end up falling sleep first, and he’ll follow soon after.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

This boy is the definition of closed off. It does not matter how close you are to him or how much he trusts you, he will never tell you anything. Okay, he does tell you some things, but only surface level stuff. If you want the real, honest answers he has, you need to pry them out yourself.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Lmao what’s patience? Seriously though, he actually has a decent amount of patience. He trained himself really hard in order o control his anger, so he can actually be pretty chill for the most part. Obviously, he still gets mad all the time, especially with Lucifer, but he does try his best.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s totally the type to write down facts about you in a secret journal somewhere so that he can reference it later. He has a great memory, but he loves just writing down everything you tell him about yourself just in case he forgets anything. He will never tell you or anyone else about the journal, but if anyone finds out, they will never be heard from again.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

He isn’t one to have any particular moment in mind, but he absolutely treasures those quiet moments when you two are alone. No brothers to bother you, plenty of books and snacks, and just each others presence. It’s quiet, calm and peaceful. These moments don’t happen very often due to the chaos around you, so when they do happen it’s special. Just being able to spend time with you is his favorite thing in all three worlds.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He is arguably one of the most protective brothers, and that’s saying something. The second someone even hints at hurting you, they’re dead. They just cease to exist. He will not let a single thing harm his precious human, and he’ll do whatever it takes to ensure your safety. He’d even go so far as to get himself in trouble if it means getting you out of it.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He’s much more casual than most of his brothers, so he doesn’t see the need in planning over-the-top dates. Obviously, he wants you to be happy no matter what, but he knows he doesn’t need extravagant dates to make that happen. I mean, if you like things like that he’ll certainly try for you, but it’s just not his style. He prefers causal, lowkey dates. Coffee shop dates, going to bookstores together, sitting in his or your room and reading all day, and going out to play with the stray cats are all ideal dates for him. He just knows that, as long as you two are together, everything is already perfect.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Obviously, he has some issues he needs to work out. His anger issues are, of course, the main issue, but that also leads into other problems. For example, his daddy issues hatred for Lucifer is something he needs to get sorted out. He also has a hard time expressing his true feelings for fear of letting his anger out as well. Most of his issues are emotional, so he needs a lot of time to work on them.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not so much concerned with physical appearance so much as social appearance. he is highly concerned about how he looks to the public. If he needs to look physically appealing in order to keep a good social standing, then he’ll do it. He’s not vain like Asmo or Mammon, but he’d be quick to put more into his appearance if it means he gains something out of it socially.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Honestly, he’s felt incomplete since being born, so even with you he doesn’t feel quite complete. You definitely help fill some of that void he has in him, but not even you can fix him completely. If you did leave him, he’d be back at square one, so he needs you to be there in order to make him feel even the slightest bit more whole.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

As I stated before, I think he keeps a journal of all of your interests so that he can remember then, but I think it goes deeper than that. I also think he has one for each of his brothers that he keeps on him. Any time one of his brothers mentions something they like, he’ll write it down to keep it for later. That way, if an occasion (birthday, anniversary, etc.) that would require this information would ever arise, he would already have it written down. No one knows about these, and he’ll take this secret to his grave.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He refuses to even acknowledge someone without even the slightest bit of academic prowess. If he deems you to be stupid, you’ll never even hear from him again. He also cannot stand people who dislike cats.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He has a tendency to move around a lot when he sleeps. No one has any clue as to why, but it’s not really a problem. That is until you two start sleeping together. He either ends up on top of you or kicking you out of the bed. In the morning, he’ll apologize, but it’s not something he can really fix.

#OBEY ME #shall we date obey me #shall we date satan #sfw alphabet #scenarios #headcanon

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angelhummel · 4 years ago

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Then do the Nd men. Kurt,Finn,Puck, Artie, Mike, Matt, Sam,Blaine, Ryder, Jake, Rory, Joe, Mason, Roderick, Spencer, Alistsir, Skylar Myron (anyone I missed?)

Do we include Jesse?

Okay this one is harder mostly bc I literally do not care about most of these guys xD Also I will include Jesse, to the disappointment of any Jesse fans that follow me lmao. Will try to keep it short and sweet. (There’s 13 girls and 19 boys? Why do we need them). Going from the top down instead of bottom up this time bc idk how I feel about some of these guys so we’ll get the best out of the way and do process of elimination

Kurt. King of the show, king of my heart, number one supreme for all time

Blaine. He’s my baby and I love him

Sam. I think of s2-3 before s4-5 but I still love him.

Jake. Literally one of the only boys with TALENT. He’s got the voice and he can DANCE. No other boy on the show comes close. Plus he’s such a sweetie and a cutie on his lil scooter <3 We stan

Puck. An underrated king. Should’ve been the leader of the club if we needed a cishet jock as the leader at all. He had some shaky writing in s1 but he was such a sweetheart. Also he’s funny, insanely shippable, and had some of the best growth on the show

Roderick. We finally got some plus size boy representation, some plus size representation period that wasn’t just a joke, he had an amazing voice and also he was sexy as hell. That’s enough for me to put him here

Mason. Also sexy as hell, also has a great voice. He was a total sweetheart and part of the few things I loved about s6

Mike. He still pissed me off a couple of times but idk he’s still insanely more tolerable than a lot of the boys. He was such a talented dancer, all his actual songs were nice and/or fun, aaand he’s just good to look at :)

Myron. Literally the most talented performer New Directions had ever seen. No I do not accept criticisms or arguments, that’s a fact

Artie. He could be a misogynistic little asshole sometimes but also it’s realistic. He was funny, had some good moments, and obviously had one of the best voices on the show

Spencer. People think they deserve a goddamn Pulitzer prize every time they write a gay character that’s into sports and not fashion and it’s so fucking dumb lmao. Buuut I do still like him. I think he’s funny, I like the few songs he gets, and I loved him and Alistair’s relationship <3

Ryder. He is one of the main causes of s4 being as messy as it is. He goes through so much bullshit for nothing and it’s actually hilarious. And when he has nothing else to do, you can guarantee he’s providing some great background moments

Alistair. In the show for like ten minutes but idk. He’s a cutie and I like his relationship with Spencer. Our cup runneth over with white gay boys

Joe. He’s kinda dumb but at least he’s nice?? Also he’s fine as hell

Matt. Our silent king. He only had 3 lines so he never had time to piss me off. He is also a provider of great background moments. Also he has hardly any personality despite Dijon’s best efforts, so we can make him whatever we want and ship him with whoever we want. The possibilities are endless.

Jesse. If he weren’t as absolutely fucking hilarious as he was, he could easily be last. I just don’t like him as a character. But he does make me laugh constantly and that’s what matters.

Rory. If his introduction wasn’t tied to two of my least favorite characters, I could like him a little more. Like he really didn’t do anything wrong, he was just kind of annoying and we didn’t need him. But “you’re skinny like the crops failed on your family’s farm” remains one of the funniest lines on the show, not sorry about it

Skylar. Not a highlight of s6 and didn’t really make an impression on me :/ However he gets bonus points simply for having a real name and not being called “gay warbler” or whatever the hell (:

Finn. :)

send me some glee things to rank!

#glee #ranking #asks #answered #my thoughts #long post #longer than i originally intended oops #anti finn hudson #anti jesse st james #also i literally think nearly all the guys on the show are so fucking hot so idk why i specified it for like 4 of them only #1908jmd

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lesbianrobin · 4 years ago

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If you had to rank all the 14 ST characters in the main group from most to least fav what would your ranking look like? (And by main group i mean the characters including murray and erica, and excluding karen, basically everybody involved in the final battle in 3x08)

ok let me preface this by saying that i literally love all of these characters i don't hate any of them okay?? let's go... ascending order for the drama!!

14. murray. no explanation needed. no offense to brett gelman he's phenomenal and i honestly think murray is really funny, but he's more or less just a plot device with some comic relief slapped on top.

now things get spicy <3

13. erica. love her to death! but she's fairly one-dimensional, once again primarily a comic relief character. maybe in s4 she'll get some more depth like the older kids have, but for now she's sort of a default next-to-last :/

12. will... no tea no shade but the kid's barely in the show! i absolutely want good things for him but like. i barely even know him. yknow? he’s only above erica bc he’s gay and she’s a capitalist. also that scene in s1 right before he gets snatched by the demogorgon when he just runs straight to the shed and grabs a goddamn shotgun and loads it fully ready to defend himself... that shit slapped good for him!!

11. this Will be controversial among some and i Know this character is many people's favorite... if you follow me already this is probably not going to surprise you but. nancy. i just think her character is kind of inconsistent, so i have a hard time really clicking with her :/ sometimes i love her and i think she's so cool and funny and hot (that hospital scene in s3... my GOD what a badass!) and other times i would like to fistfight her.

also let me get this out of the way right now: i'm aware that jonathan's character is ALSO super inconsistent!! i know okay??? i know!!!! please nobody judge me for how high rat boy gets on this ranking okay i'm literally making this up as i go along so idk if he's next or if he's like in the top five but i have a disease called Unreasonably Invested In Wildly Speculative Meta-Analysis Of Stranger Things which makes it impossible for me to be normal about jonathan and this is my ranking so i pick the bad taste!!!

10. joyce! i love her bro she's MOM and she tries so fucking hard all the goddamn time and she's so STRONG and kind and adorable... joyce is honestly a very unique and refreshing character ESPECIALLY if you’re considering stranger things within the horror genre which is often defined by these very specific archetypes of mothers and motherhood that i can get into if anyone is interested but like basically. love her <3

9. dustin <3 what an icon... i love him i love how he straight up killed a man and hardly flinched because it was to protect his friends and i love how he and his little girlfriend have a song they sing together and i love how he either has an insanely warped perspective on things due to low self-esteem or he just sometimes flatout lies to gain sympathy either way he’s a BABY and he’s so FUNNY and KIND and even when he’s scared he keeps going... ugh god and i love how even when he doubts his friends’ devotion to him he NEVER ever questions his devotion to them and he never ever considers leaving them behind or not stepping up to help them... he’s so brave!

8. mike is such a fucking BITCH but even more than that he is an ANGEL... literally his range who is doing it like him??? nobody!!!! graffiti’d the bathroom stall at school... hates cops.... what a legend. also i like how fucking goofy and dumb his hair looks in s3. also he’s very soft with his friends and it makes me cry. ALSO he literally stepped off a fucking CLIFF he was ready to DIE FOR DUSTIN and i know all the kids have risked their lives for each other but this wasn’t even a monster yknow this was just... bullies.... threatening his friend..... and mike couldn’t fucking let it happen bro he was ready to just step off the edge to keep dustin safe and it’s SO MUCH... and god the kindness he showed el when they first met!!! he’s a total angel and a total shithead and it’s amazing.

7. lucas my tiny baby hero.... he’s so strong and cool and capable yet at the same time he’s such a COMPLETE dork!!! he very seriously believes his slingshot wrist rocket is a lethal weapon and then he ACTUALLY USES IT AS A LETHAL WEAPON TO SAVE HIMSELF AND HIS FRIENDS!!! he hacks off a giant monster’s freaky tentacle arm thing with an axe to save his friend AND he keeps a bunch of action figures and random dice on his bedside table bro he just thinks they’re neat!!! like... i genuinely love him so much god he cares so much about his friends and he’s so brave and smart and loving... i know he is not tiny anymore but he is my tiny baby hero okay...

6. hopper! big man care for little girl... protect and love kids... dance to dad music... be goofy and hot... have trauma.... admit his faults and attempt to grow from them.... what's not to love?

5. jonathan... look i can’t explain it except that he loves his goddamn baby brother so much and i’m a sucker with extensive headcanons alright!

4. el!!! feral little darling girl!!! i literally cannot articulate the love that floods my heart whenever i see her face or think about her for too long she’s just... so strong but more than that she’s so incredibly KIND!! when she has every reason to be selfish and cruel and yeah at times she does let herself get a little mean but on the whole she’s always so goddamn kind and loving and selfless no matter how afraid she is or how she’s hurting... and i hope that with her powers gone in s4 she’ll maybe learn how to see herself as more than a tool to protect those she loves yknow but that’s off topic skdncmn i just think that el is such an incredible character with such depth!! she can be so grave and mature yet she’s still such an innocent child at the same time, and i think that both the writing and mbb’s acting are handled such that both of these things WORK and feel real and they make el (and her trauma) so believable. i just love her to death.

3. robin, light of my lesbian little life!! unfortunately she's wayyy too much like me to snag the top spot lmao. maybe once we get another season with her she’ll trample the competition but for now my baby is in a solid third place <3 i’ve never seen a lesbian on screen who i felt so accurately represented me and my experiences!! she feels so real and in just one season she’s become one of my favorites on the whole show, and i cannot fucking wait to see what else we learn about her and what development we see from her in s4.

2. as u may have guessed... max!! i know i said this was my subjective opinion but here i’ll just say it: max is objectively one of the best characters on the show. she’s so strong and funny and quick on her feet while harboring some real pain and insecurity at the same time, and both of these aspects of her character are married perfectly, logically connecting to one another and joining with sadie’s incredible acting to create an amazing character who feels just... so real!! i absolutely adore her and i CONSTANTLY tear up just from thinking about her skdncmn...

1. what if my number one wasn't steve. like can y'all imagine???? if i just said like will or some shit???? genuinely i did consider giving max or robin top billing here but i just Can't i've dedicated too goddamn much of my life to steve harrington to deny that he's my one and only. is there anything to say that hasn't already been said? look at the bitch. just look at him.

what other answer could there be?

#asks #em talks #long post #stranger things

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inqilabi · 4 years ago

Note

sorry maybe i misunderstood but in one of your posts when you said "Stalin and Mao killed millions" was propaganda, what did you mean? like did you mean Stalin's repressions/purges/ethnic clensings weren't real or...?? cos i'm Russian and there's hardly a family here that wasn't affected by that, including my own. It's all still in living ppls memory, it's not something we're just told by the government lmao. It's actually extremely insulting to suggest otherwise. Like literally ask a person from an ex-USSR country and 9 times out of 10 they'll tell you of an ancestor/relative that was executed/sent to gulag/forced to flee the country/etc during Stalin's rule. Esp if you ask a jewish or other ethnic minority person.

Not sure if you’re genuinely interested in the perspective, if so I can provide resource reccs. I don’t think it’s insulting to ask people to consider that the history they have known may be entirely wrong and to question the common narrative/claims they hear.

Especially considering the fact that CIA was literally created to fight USSR first and foremost, and then any other emerging socialist states thereafter. And the fact that Britain had been at it long before that. The Allies literally supplied troops for the ‘White Army’ to as Churchill put it “strangle the [Bolshevik state] at its birth” in 1917/1918. Formation of NATO itself is an alliance of capitalist anti-communist states. Not to mention that post WW2, when CIA formed, it absorbed existing Nazi and fascists into its CIA & NATO operations to terrorize any leftists orgs in Eastern Europe (Operation Gladio) because of how great they were at terrorizing, infiltrating and sabotage. And in the USA itself, Ukrainian fascists were incorporated into various intelligence orgs. A NSC directive (4A, 1947) stated the following:

The campaign against the Soviets would include “primarily media related activities, including unattributed publications, forgeries, and subsidization of publications. Political action would involve exploitation of displaced persons and defectors, and support to political parties’ paramilitary activities, including support to guerillas and sabotage”

It is in this context that I understand the USSR. I may have criticisms of the CPSU, though it wouldn’t matter now. For us now, even though the exact conditions that the USSR faced will not be repeated again- I think it is necessary to learn from the successes and failures of the first socialist state founded amidst WW1, fall of Tsarist rule/semi feudalism/civil war, rise of Nazism and being surrounded by fascists, WW2 in which America & Britain both directly and indirectly let Germany destroy USSR as much as possible before getting involved, and the USSR was also dealing with a Japanese invasion threat in the east. To me its a feat that the people rallied behind its foundation, that there was fervor of the masses at that time- I can’t imagine it today. There were nearly 2 million party members in 1930. Some 3-4 million people enrolled to take classes with the communist party in 1933.

Yes the repressions, Yezhovshchina & reallocation of people were real. Repressions of the Kulaks and other class enemies was real. And to define class enemy, the kulak case is an interesting one: we’re talking about a class who regularly exploited peasants, & when a drought reduced the grain harvest, raised grain prices so the soviet government couldn’t afford to buy the grain to feed people (and this is where the rationing came from). The government in response encouraged peasants to form collective farms (kolkhoz), which was actually a youth peasant movement and grain harvest from these kolkhoz was soon as much as the kulaks. The kulaks then realizing that they can no longer control the markets, started murdering people in these kolkhoz. And this is the point where the Soviet gov decided to seize the kulak wheat, expropriate kulak land (dekulakization program as is known in the west) & give the land to the kolkhoz. In response, the kulaks burned their wheat, and killed their own livestock in the millions. And despite this, most of them were only exiled, forced to reallocate or sent to the gulags. Also, forced reallocation of probably millions of people from the east to prevent Japanese invasion, and from the western region as Germany was invading did happen.

Yezhovshchina of 1937-1938 was excessive. Here they replaced their normal voting process (e.g, Trotskyites were voted out with a vote of 700,000 against to 6000 for) with a 3 person tribunal who just handed out sentences like candy- in this period alone, I think there was some 300,000 sentences handed out. Though they were responding to Nazi infiltration among their party. Eventually the party committees got a handle of it, overturned half of the sentences. Many of the remaining sentences were never carried out because there wasn’t that much infrastructure to do so. But certainly innocent people were caught in the cross fire here. But imo the typical perception in the west that this purge was to eliminate any political opponents or to consolidate power is not true. It was primarily to eliminate Nazis in the party and any other counter-revolutionary who would have essentially handed USSR to Germany. There were definitely executions. There’s a quote from Ludo Martens on his study of the USSR that indicates a bit how unequipped USSR was to handle sentences of Yezhovshchina:

"Grigorenko, a well-known Rightist general who defected to the West, stated that, to escape the Purge, it suffice to simply relocate to another city."

There’s also interesting notes from Hitler (via Goebbel’s journal)and Churchill’s WW2 memoir that Hitler had hoped to take advantage of these antagonisms, defeatist tendencies and fascists sympathizers within the Red Army, but Stalin had succeeded in making sure via purges that the Red Army could not be taken advantage of.

But to address what is actually your main point: to assess history based on lived experience. What you stated is not reconcilable with the following examples:

Frankly I think the further breakdown of the 35+ would yield even more interesting insights. Also its expectedly low in Lithuania, Estonia & Latvia. What do we know about the history of these three countries that would help us understand that? There’s also this interview and this one specially about Stalin & the gulags, which sounds different from the experiences of your family.

Here is a quote from Ludo Martens book:

‘But how is it possible', asked a friend, `to defend a man like Stalin?' There was astonishment and indignation in this question, which reminded me of what an old Communist worker once told me. He spoke to me of the year 1956, when Khrushchev read his famous Secret Report. Powerful debates took place within the Communist Party. During one of these confrontations, an elderly Communist woman, from a Jewish Communist family, who lost two children during the war and whose family in Poland was exterminated, cried out:

`How can we not support Stalin, who built socialism, who defeated fascism, who incarnated all our hopes?'

And also, Normal Finkelstein stated that his parents, both of whom survived concentration camps, would refuse to listen to any criticism of Stalin and called anyone who criticized him a traitor.

So how do we parse through these different lived experiences? What helps us understand the differences in these lived experiences?

#the answers here are based on getty martens furr #either way regardless of your political beliefs one must study & examine ww1 ww2 cold war #as it is necessary to understanding the current stage of capitalism & therefore necessary to understanding anticommunist currents #asks #communism 101 #propoganda #us empire #stalin

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sparklingskz · 6 years ago

Text

shoot your shot | hwang hyunjin

▸ genre: fluff, basketball player! hyunjin

▸ description: the evolution from being on your phone during basketball games to staring at a certain hwang hyunjin.

▸ word count: 3.9k

▸ warnings: swearing

▸ a/n: i had to include bandana hyunjin in there somewhere im sorry lmao also this was proofread at 1am so I apologize for any mistakes >.<

“COME ON!! SHOOT IT, MINHO!!”

Jisung’s shouting instantly made you look up from your phone, pausing the pretty interesting game of Angry Birds you had going on. A second later, you saw how the ball was thrown in the direction of the hoop, and it circled the rim a few times before it finally went in. The referee blew his whistle right before loud cheers filled the auditorium, Jisung still screaming for Minho.

The game resumed its normal course, and you went back to your phone. That didn’t last long, though.

“Are you really going to stay on your phone the whole game?” Jisung asked, plopping down on the bleachers right beside you.

“Hey! I look up when they score,” you tried to defend yourself.

“Yeah, but you’re missing all the action.”

You rolled your eyes. “You just continue cheering for your boyfriend, I’m fine over here.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Jisung mumbled, avoiding your gaze.

“Sure,” you smiled and went back to your phone.

Well, it was true that you weren’t really paying attention to the game that was happening in front of you. However, you were actually there, sitting in the bleachers, and that probably counted as school spirit, right? Right.

In all honesty, attending the games wasn’t the worst thing ever. Yes, you weren’t really invested in your school team, but with Jisung cheering right beside you it sometimes made you want to cheer for them too. They were known faces in the halls, almost everyone wanting to talk to them and admirers seeking for some kind of interaction.

How Jisung was able to catch Lee Minho’s attention will forever remain a mystery, though. What you knew is that they were on speaking terms, and according to your best friend that didn’t happen to just anyone. They were the popular guys, but they weren’t assholes. Thankfully.

Back to the gym, after some time the game ended, your school’s team scoring another victory for their bag. After everything was wrapped up, everyone started to exit the place, chatting animatedly about the game they had just witnessed. You saw how Jisung had his eyes fixed on Minho, who was drinking water along with the rest of his team.

“Are you going to go and say hi?” you asked, hitting his arm playfully.

“Wouldn’t that be too much?” He eyed him with a hint of nervousness in his gaze.

“Nah, you should go for it. I’m going home though, so good luck!” You quickly pushed him (softly, of course) in Minho’s direction and started heading to the exit, not before a low “asshole” was heard coming out from your best friend’s mouth.

So, remember how you said you didn’t really know any of your school’s basketball team members? That changed the day right after the game you attended.

You were making your way through the school halls towards your locker, text books in hand and backpack secured over your shoulder. Everything went to shit when you felt your phone ringing in your pocket, and you had to start maneuvering very carefully as to not drop your books and to manage to get your phone out.

You knew you had failed when, all of a sudden, you clashed with another body and you both almost fell down to the floor together, but managed to stay with both feet on the ground. Sadly, your books weren’t so lucky.

As you were about to lean down to pick them up, the other person beat you to it, handing them back to you in a swift motion.

“I’m so sorry, I was totally not watching where I was going,” the boy said, straightening up. That’s when you noticed he was one of the guys from the basketball team, as you remember seeing him in the court.

“No worries, it was my fault too,” you said, throwing him a small smile.

He reciprocated your smile, and you noticed how his eyes crinkled when he did. “I’m Hwang Hyunjin, and you?” he asked.

Oh, that’s a name you had definitely heard of. Main player of the team, most popular, best grades, good looking… You get the gist.

“I’m y/n,” you responded. “What had you in such a rush?”

“I wanted to find our coach before class to ask him about our next practice.” He shrugged. “Do you go to the basketball games?”

“Most of them, yeah.” He didn’t have to know you spent basically all of the time on your phone, though.

“How come I haven’t seen you, then? I feel like I know our crowd pretty well.” He tilted his head in curiosity.

“Uh, I don’t look up much, I guess.”

Hyunjin chuckled. “Well, I’m going to search for you during our next game, so you better be there and cheering.”

“Is that a threat?” you asked, your voice adopting a playful tone.

“Guess you’ll have to find out.” He shrugged, right as the bell rang to signal the start of the school day. “I need to run to class, so see you later!”

“See you!” you said as he turned around and started walking in what presumably was the direction of his classroom.

You were about to head to your locker to quickly put your books away when a very agitated Han Jisung appeared next to you.

“Were you just talking to Hwang Hyunjin?” he inquired.

“Uh, yes?”

“Holy shit, how did you do it? He’s like, the coolest guy on the team,” he said excitedly. “After Minho, of course,” he added as an afterthought, and you laughed.

“We ran into each other and it made me drop my books. He just asked for my name, nothing very special.” You shrugged.

“Of course it’s special, it was Hwang Hyunjin,” he said in a “duh” tone.

“Stop exaggerating and let’s go to class.” You quickly closed your locker and started walking in the direction of your classroom, thought about a certain boy flooding your head.

During the next basketball game, you could definitely say you were paying attention now. Rather than your focus being completely on the game, though, your eyes seemed to be following only one player.

Hwang Hyunjin, of course.

He was quick on his feet, passing the ball amongst his team with skill probably only acquired through long hours of practice. You could tell he was pretty good, scoring almost all the times he threw the ball to the opposite team’s hoop.

(Also, he was wearing a bandana, which made him look disgustingly good. But that’s just an extra fact.)

All the staring could come off as stalkerish, so you tried diverting your attention from the boy every once in a while. This resulted in you finding out that basketball was actually kind of fun to watch, so you quickly joined in on the cheering for your school’s team (not being as loud as Jisung, though).

Suddenly half time rolled around, and the team gathered in the sidelines of the court to drink some water and speak amongst themselves. That’s was the moment you saw Hyunjin scanning the crowd, and when his gaze landed on you he broke out in a smile and nodded his head at you. Ignoring your kind-of-fast heartbeat, you waved and smiled back in his direction, right before he turned his attention back to his friends.

The game resumed, and you could say that Hyunjin’s gaze met yours a few more times after he noticed your presence. Right after scoring, his eyes would quickly meet yours in the crowd and a small smile would adorn his lips when he found you cheering for his team. You didn’t know why he was suddenly… interested? in you, but the easiest thing to do was to blame the text books incident.

With the blow of a whistle the game came to an end, your school’s team getting the win, of course. Like last time, chatter filled the gym as everyone was leaving, but Jisung again had his eyes fixed on the sidelines, or, more specifically, on Minho.

“I’m going over there, so I’ll talk to you later?” He asked, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to make it look good.

You looked over to see where Minho was standing, and spotted Hyunjin right next to him, chugging a bottle of water, hair pushed back.

“I’ll go with you,” you said, earning a surprised look from Jisung. Then, he glanced over in the direction you were looking and a knowing smile took over his lips.

“Oh, that’s why,” he muttered, nodding towards Hyunjin.

“Shut up.” You didn’t say anything more, and the both of you started heading towards the boys. Once there, you were regretting the decision just a little bit.

(The bandana looked better up close.)

Thankfully, Jisung engaged in conversation first. “Good game guys! You played really well.”

“Thank you Jisungie, glad to see you cheering.” Minho smiled widely towards the boy, and you noted the nickname he used. You would have to tease Jisung about it later. Then, the both of them started talking between themselves, leaving you and Hyunjin in a somewhat awkward silence. You turned to glance at him, and he spoke first.

“So you came, huh?” he said, smiling.

“I told you, I always come to the games.”

“But this time I actually noticed you were here, so it’s completely different.”

“Oh? How so?” You tilted your head, trying to tease him a little.

He seemed to think for a moment, but didn’t arrive to any conclusion. “Just is.” He shrugged.

“Bet you say that to everyone,” you said in a playful manner.

“Hey! Don’t make me sound like a player, I’m not.” He pouted. “I hardly talk to people outside of the team.”

He’s talking to you, though, your brain helpfully provided, before you promptly shut it up.

You didn’t have a chance to respond, as he changed the topic. “Well, how was the game?”

“It was pretty fun to watch, to be honest. Everyone on the team is really good, I can’t imagine how hard you guys practice."

"How about you see for yourself? You should swing by sometime; we practice every day after class.”

Oh? You weren’t expecting him to just casually invite you to watch him practice. Did it mean anything? Was it because he wanted you there? Did he think you were just interested in the sport? Were you overthinking this? Most probably.

“Oh, I’ll try to see if I can make it one of these days,” you replied.

That’s when Minho suddenly irrupted in your conversation. “Was that an invitation to our practice I just heard?” He raised his eyebrows in Hyunjin’s direction, directing him a sly smile.

“Maybe,” Hyunjin responded, and you noted how his cheeks turned a bit pink.

“Oh! Would love to see you there, y/n,” Minho said in an overly sweet tone, directing an even more overly sweet smile towards you. You could bet it was just to tease Hyunjin.

You were a bit unsure but still smiled in return, turning to shoot a look at Jisung that basically said “hey I think it’s time we leave now”.

Jisung thankfully got the message, and quickly spoke. “Well, we have to get going now,” he said with a pout, which Minho also returned. “We’ll catch up with you guys later, or in practice like some other people.” He directed a pointed look at you.

You rolled your eyes at your best friend, then quickly exchanged your goodbyes with the boys so you could leave the gym, going up the stairs towards the doors.

“I hate you,” you hushedly told Jisung.

“You love me,” was the only thing he retaliated.

Turns out now you had an invitation to watch the team’s basketball practice, and you were really unsure as if you should use it or not. Wouldn’t it be weird?

Well, other people watched practice all the time. Mostly admirers of the boys, to be completely honest. Because of this, you being there shouldn’t be that weird, right? Right?

Between all these thoughts and words of encouragement from Jisung (Hwang Hyunjin invited you to his damn practice and you’re gonna waste the opportunity?? you realize he’s going to be sweaty and hot???) you ultimately decided to give it a try and go. But you weren’t going to watch the whole thing; you would go and watch, like, the last fifteen minutes. That would be enough.

And thank God you decided that, because when you entered the gym and settled on a seat towards the back, the moment you spotted Hyunjin with his messy hair, throwing the ball around with his teammates, you knew it was better that you weren’t there for the whole duration of the practice. You weren’t sure you would’ve survived, in all honesty.

The same way it had happened during the actual game, Hyunjin looked over to the bleaches and his gaze met yours, and he smiled and threw a small wave at you. You waved back, a bit of shyness taking over you as the rest of the people watching glanced in your direction, probably thinking “who did Hwang Hyunjin just wave to”.

You spent the rest of practice just watching in silence, your eyes following Hyunjin’s movements most of the time. They were organizing and trying out some plays and strategies for their next game, and you could definitely tell that they all had pretty amazing skills. Especially Hyunjin, who didn’t own the title of captain for nothing; he was one of the fastest players out there, leading his team to victory with very well timed passes and shots to the hoop. Plus, his concentrated face when talking to the rest was attractive, you weren’t going to lie.

Some time later practice was called to an end, and you watched as Hyunjin said goodbye to his friends before looking over at you. He motioned for you to come down to the court with him, and you did exactly so, ignoring the way your heart sped up a little when you finally arrived next to him.

“Hey! I’m happy you made it,” he said with a smile.

“Yeah, I had some free time after finishing an assignment and decided to swing by. Nice practice, by the way.”

“Oh, thank you. Wanna sit?” He pointed to the benches right next to you.

With a nod of your head you both sat down, Hyunjin putting down the basketball ball he was holding previously on the floor. You immediately fell into an easy conversation, chatting about school, your interests, and anything, really. You discovered Hyunjin was a very easy person to talk to, as he always seemed to have the right thing to say, and he listened attentively when it was your turn to talk.

After a while, everyone had already left the gym, but you didn’t really feel like leaving yet. That’s when Hyunjin pointed to the ball resting at his feet and asked, “Have you ever played basketball?”

“Never have touched one of those in my life, if I’m being honest with you,” you quickly admitted.

With that, Hyunjin stood up. “Well, you’re going to do it now. Come on, up.” He motioned for you to stand up and started walking towards one of the hoops.

You rose from your seat and followed him, a feeling close to dread filling your every step. You weren’t really in a position to feel confident in your basketball abilities when Hyunjin, also known the best player out there, was present and paying complete attention to you.

He started to show you how to dribble the ball, which, fair enough, wasn’t so difficult. Then, you just started moving around passing the ball between you two, which caused it to escape from your hands a couple of times. After a few tries, though, the movements and the ball started to feel more familiar and less awkward. Finally, it was time to try shooting it to the hoop.

Firstly, Hyunjin demonstrated how to do it, explaining how your hands should go, how much strength to use, and how to throw the ball. You probably missed around half of the explanation, but it was totally not because of the fact that you were staring at him instead of listening. Definitely not.

Then it was your turn, and you tried copying what Hyunjin had done, and threw the ball. It lacked a bit of direction and you probably used too much strength, as it landed right behind where it was supposed to go.

Hyunjin quickly let out a “don’t worry, we’ll try again.” He went to get the ball, and returned to his position next to you.

“Look,” he said, and handed you the ball, moving so he was standing right behind you. “Your hands go here.” He put his hands over yours and raised them so the ball was hovering in front of you, and adjusted your hold of it so your hands could be in the right position (mind you, they were still under his.) “Bend your knees a little, and then… shoot!” He impulsed the ball with his hands along with you, the both of you throwing it towards the hoop with a swift motion.

And it went in.

“There you go!” Hyunjin exclaimed, and you turned around to celebrate with him, when you noticed his hands were kind of still holding yours and you were pretty close to his face.

Time seemed to stop as you started into Hyunjin’s eyes, and he stared right back, still holding you. You noticed him shooting a quick glance to your lips, and you felt your heart skip a beat.

“Y/n… Can I-” he started saying.

In that very moment, you heard the gym doors open with a loud noise, and the both of you quickly moved away from each other as if you were struck by electricity, looking over to the now opened doors. There stood Minho, his eyes comically open and his mouth forming an “o” shape.

“Uhm, I left my phone here, let me just-” he said as he very quickly ran down the gym stairs, grabbed his phone and went back up, you and Hyunjin following his every movement with your eyes as neither of you wanted to look at each other. When Minho closed the doors behind him, you seemed to snap out of it.

Before Hyunjin could say anything, you quickly blurted an “I need to go.” You made a beeline for the stairs, grabbing your things in the process and ignoring Hyunjin calling your name as you exited the gym.

What would any sensible human being do after almost kissing their crush and getting ultimately embarrassed in the process?

Avoid them, of course.

Some progress was made, though: after staying up that night overthinking every little interaction with the boy, you arrived to the conclusion that maybe you did have a crush on him. It developed really quickly, the few times you had talked being enough for your feelings to grow. You still needed to get to know him better, but that could be arranged.

(Not when you’re avoiding him, your brain helpfully provided.)

Jisung had a very strong opinion on the topic, assuring you that Hyunjin returned your feelings and that you shouldn’t be turning in the other direction every time he appeared around a corner. He also promised to scold Minho for interrupting your “moment” in the gym (he was actually mad at him, which made you laugh), as who knew what would’ve happened if he didn’t come in at that precise instant.

Even with Jisung’s constant pestering, you weren’t really confident in facing Hyunjin again. Yes, he was the one that may have tried to initiate something, but you still were unsure (hey, you didn’t say you were being reasonable, just scared). In conclusion, you would avoid him until further notice.

Well, your plan went to shit pretty fast.

About a week after the incident, you were walking in the direction of your next class alongside Jisung, who was animatedly telling you about the new song he was in the process of composing. Then, all of a sudden you felt someone go up to you and an “excuse me” being blurted towards Jisung. The person then started to drag you by the arm in the opposite direction with them, and that’s when you noticed that it was none other than Hyunjin. Of course it had to be.

Your pleas of “Hyunjin, let me go!” and “What are you doing?” were completely ignored, as the boy just kept guiding you to God knows where. The students who were in the halls turned to look at you two in curiosity until you arrived in front of a door, which Hyunjin opened and dragged you inside with him. He quickly closed it, and turned the lights on.

You were inside a fucking supply closet.

“You’re avoiding me.” Hyunjin blurted out before you could say anything, crossing his arms.

“Well, hello to you too,” you said in a sarcastic tone.

“You’re avoiding me,” he repeated himself, emphasizing the words.

“No I’m not! We didn’t really talk before, so when you think of it nothing’s really that different.” You were really trying to talk your way out of this one, it seemed.

“I was and am interested in talking to you now, and you aren’t letting me.” You were about to retaliate again, but he was faster. “You literally turn around every time you see me.”

You weren’t really sure about what to say next, because he was right. However, the silence didn’t last long, as Hyunjin was the one who spoke again.

"Did- did I mess things up? The last thing I wanted was to make you uncomfortable, I’m really sorry if I did,” he said, softening his hard exterior a little.

“No no,” you were quick to reassure him. “It’s my fault. I was, uhm, embarrassed after everything that happened, and didn’t really know how to face you.” You were looking at the floor now.

“So you aren’t mad about the fact that I tried to kiss you?” He inquired, and he suddenly took one step closer to you.

You looked up, and your heart skipped a beat at the proximity. “No, I’m not,’ you muttered, looking into his eyes. You noted how pretty they were, a little mole decorating a spot under one of them.

"So… Does that mean I can kiss you right now?” He stepped even closer, your faces mere centimeters apart.

Despite the way your heart was thumping inside your chest, you didn’t hesitate to respond with a nod of your head. Not even a second later Hyunjin’s lips were on yours, your eyes closing and hands immediately settling around his neck, while his found a place on your waist.

Holy shit, you were actually kissing Hwang Hyunjin.

The kiss was soft and slow, the both of you acting a bit timid around each other but still being in complete sync. Being this close to him caused you to experiment a different kind of rush; you wanted to keep kissing him forever.

For your dismay, humans need oxygen to breathe, so you broke apart after a few moments. However, your faces remained impossibly close, and you were still holding each other.

“Go on a date with me,” Hyunjin whispered as if he was trying not to ruin the moment, looking softly into your eyes.

His words caused you to break into a smile. “Of course,” you replied, and you felt like a big weight was lifted of your shoulders.

Hyunjin smiled too, and leaned forward to reconnect your lips.

3K notes · View notes

thotfuss · 5 years ago

Note

this isn’t to start Discourse, I’m just genuinely curious- do you think benji’s (implied) death is bury your gays or was it narratively justified?

if you care about spoilers for the hockey book don’t...read this lmao

ok first off, I was SO excited to get home from work to answer this thank you so much for giving me an excuse to talk about this book and also light of my life benji ovich.

This is. Kinda hard to answer because I’m not all that certain that Benji is actually dead/going to die? I will say that I bawled my fucking eyes out when I read the second part of this parallel and realized what it was implying (i’m including it because it makes me insane)

(Page 414 of Beartown)

(Page 420 of Us Against You)

But one of the things about Backman’s writing that is so effective is that he is SO good at misleading the reader. The amount of times that I read a plot point and was convinced beyond a doubt that there was no other way to read it, only to later go back after something else had been revealed and gone crazy over the fact that there WAS actually another way to read it? I literally went back to find some examples that I highlighted, so here’s this unnecessary breakdown because i literally just want to talk about it:

So there’s a section where there’s about to be a fight in the forest, Benji is involved, etc.And he leads off with this passage:

(Page 292 of Us Against You)

And my response was, naturally, to lose my mind. Because I...don’t know how else you can read that. So he follows that with this (unimportant side note but the first line of this is one of my most favorite Beartown quotes and is one of the ones in the running for my eventual Beartown tattoo.) So for context because it isn’t really included in this, it references Benji’s sister finding their dad after he commits suicide, and is definitely implying that someone finds Benji after he’s presumably shot in the fight.

And then a few pages later, it comes back to the child who’s found “the body,” which at this point the reader is still assuming is Benji’s.

(Page 295 of Us Against You)

And at this point, you start to question it, and you start to remember that Bobo’s mom has been sick the entire book, that it has hinted at her eventual death, etc. And then it gets to THIS part,

and the other shoe drops and you end up putting it together. (I didn’t include the rest of the explanation, which is that a) the gunshot was Benji shooting a bear and b) he wasn’t breathing because at one point he was holding his breath, this is explained over like. a few pages but!)

So, all things considered, and after having put a LOT of thought into it I have convinced myself that maybe, perhaps, Benji...might not die? My sister’s primary argument is “Someone can be a gamer, or a father, etc, and still be dead” so I am. leaving it open for interpretation at this point.

BUT for the sake of this argument, let’s say Benji does ***. As genuinely devastated as I would be, I don’t think this is something I would count as “bury your gays?” I think narratively Benji’s storyline is one of the most well fleshed out, especially in Us Against You. His sexuality is a defining part of his arc, obviously, but I do think that the way it’s portrayed is SO well done, I hardly ever say that about straight people’s interpretations of gay characters but I think Backman’s exploration of this facet of his character was done very sensitively? There isn’t any mention of Benji being gay until well after his character has been established, and while there is a significant amount of his story that involves being outed and the small-town reaction to their star athlete being gay, it fits with the rest of the book.

My issue with a lot of other media that I do consider to fall into that trope is the fact that the gay character(s) ending is so tonally dissonant from the rest of the story? Like in the Magicians, which was generally a fun, enjoyable show that DID take on sensitive topics but still managed to maintain a generally positive, uplifting tone, killing their bisexual main character for no reason was SO not what the rest of the show was leading to. like, at all! especially because there was a built in way that had been utilized A LOT before to bring characters back to life. It was just SO glaringly not “right” in the context of the show. Beartown is not a positive, uplifting book. To me, it is at its core still a story about love and hope and friendship, but not everyone GETS a happy ending. And Benji has ALWAYS been a wild card, he’s been in danger more times than any of the other characters, and he’s always been shown to be impulsive and to have a lack of self-preservation. So I guess what it boils down to is that Benji’s death wouldn’t be in any way surprising to me. I don’t think it’s the inevitable end to his arc, per say, but I do think it’s an option that would make sense with the rest of his narrative. I can’t 100% say either way, because I don’t know what Backman’s going to do in the next book, where he’s going to go with this character, or if Benji does die how he’s going to do it. Obviously if Benji gets hatecrimed to death or something, or if he finally gets some semblance of a happy ending only to have it ripped away at the last minute, or something like that, I could see it going the other way. But as of now, I’m hoping that this isn’t what will happen. Either way, we’ll see, I guess? This is so much longer than I meant it to be and probably more than you wanted, but thanks for sending this in!

#beartown spoilers #literally i just spent two hours going through the books with my sister and like we both cried so.#benji is one of my top 3 characters ever I think so. I would be DEVASTATED #genuinely #but. I dont know! i dont want to say either way because i'm still hoping it doesn't happen???#beartown #mine #ANYWAY thanks for sending this in this is so long but I could talk abt this book forever and ever #Anonymous #long post

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battleshell · 5 years ago

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @dansiere whom im care tagging: extremely informative meme for ppl who have lots of cross-over interactions, i encourage u to steal it from me anyway BUT @sternenteile @twelvians @stellamris @grandtales

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ he is a very, very minor NPC that i’ve essentially wrested from the game with my grubby hands; Gerson is a merchant NPC found in Waterfall, the third area of the game focused with water themes. he has less than 100 lines of dialogue (but jam-packed full of info) and doesn’t even have an overworld sprite. although noted to have a history with multiple major characters, it’s not often i’ve seen him be the main focus of any fanfics or art pieces. ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ put that faaaaaaaar away from me please tyty ]

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. [ i personally believe that Gerson is a strong and potentially powerful monster with fighting capability that could rival some of the stronger Monsters in the Underground due to his background as a fighter during the Human-Monster War, but since has waned in both reputation and fighting skill. we never fight him in game and as such, will never see how he compares numerically, but it’s clear from his dialogue that he knows how to fight professionally/cleverly and would have given a hard challenge. ]

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK. [ i mentioned before that Gerson has ties with lots of major characters - I hardly see it being put into action or talked about! i also have a soft spot for elder/older characters in general since they seem to be overlooked in favor for younger characters that carry the action of plots - which I understand and totally get, but I still like to put these characters out there for the sake of it ]

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG. [ he was a funny merchant dude that said “wahaha” a whole bunch of times and carried a magnifying glass; sure he and Frisk would have been good friends after the golden ending but most people have forgotten about their interaction with Gerson once out of Waterfall ]

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. [ as one of the older if not oldest Monsters in the Underground, or from his reputation as the “Hammer of Justice” from wartime. he is also a historian and is noted to have written a few of the books in the Librarby. definitely known in the Underground, but probably only in that community ]

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ as mentioned before, a benefactor to the community and maybe even a sagely figure. a source of wisdom (even if cheeky) and a person of stability ]

How strictly do you follow canon? — ehhhhhhhhhh both extremely canon compliant and then hands off the wheel, let jesus drive me away~ i only have so much canon material to work with so i have milked as much as offered to me, then went off to forge my own path in order to patch up the missing holes then add a few sprinkles. the base of the character is all there, but if you really want to get invested with him (or me) then we have a lot to walk through.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — old tortoise (NOT TURTLE) guy sells knick-knacks and cracks jokes, knows everyone’s dirty secrets but thinks they’re just funny to think about them than use them. an elder in the community who has stories to tell and lessons to teach, who has lived through half of recorded history and now spends his time just trying to make things around him interesting. a war veteran who protects his community and understands the horror of the world, but keeps eyes looking into the future even in the face of grimness itself. plays the accordion and harmonica, could probably square dance if he knew what that was. will call you kiddo.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — little to no motivation to find a passion for himself that would benefit or service just himself; his entire sense of worth comes from servicing others in some way (being a soldier and protecting people; recording history in order to teach future generations; maintaining a shop in order to literally service others) and lack of action due to decrepitude in old age. close-minded compared to other Monsters, as he doesn’t actually take to think of humans or outsiders kindly; judgmental to the point of being racist. proud and dislikes being one-upped that it could lead to pettiness, and despite his positive outlooks, very pessimistic worldview.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — funfact: Gerson is my first tumblr RP muse ever, and since i was worried about duplicate anxiety when i first started i specifically wrote him since he was a smaller character with less attention - i’ve since learned i have no anxiety about it so it’s no longer a problem, but what keeps me going today is the challenge of writing someone so different from me. the elder aesthetic along with homely, almost cottagecore kind of vibe is also appealing, and the humor that comes with gerson is a joy to write out.

What keeps your inspiration going? — reading literature, music, artwork, pinterest, replaying the game, and doing little hobbies that would embody the character (collecting or sewing, for example) are things i can do by myself, but with other people i have the most drive when i can have friendly and nonpersonal arguments/debates about character motives or about source material like what made a character act like this or that, or about really anything as long as it makes me seriously think about characters critically and force me to recognize flaws.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO? [ unfortunately i’m not a tortoise monster who lived for probably centuries if not decades older than myself, but i enjoy writing older characters and hope that other ppl see the potential gerson has like i do ]

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ you know when you have a concept and in your own mind you can see it clearly, without fuzziness or confusion, but you can’t seem to put it clearly into words without it turning into an essay because you need to connect all the other points that’s in the single concept you envisioned? yea. ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO [ bro i should.. ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO [ hmu if you got pinterest and i’ll give u tons and tons of boards ]

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / SORT OF? [ this is unfair to answer as (AFAIK) i am the only person writing Gerson in... any capacity. despite that i like to think i bring out the humorous side of him, and show ppl that he and other NPCs are tons of potentials and shouldn’t be overlooked because they aren’t popular ]

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. [ i always believed my style and my skill in not only PSDs or aesthetics, but analysis or understanding was always a bit plain, without much flourish or complexity. while that is appealing on its own and has its own merits, i can’t help but feel i can always push myself to do a little more, add a little flavor, or paint an image that could only be done in writing. although i am doing enough to get the job done, i’m searching for a certain voice of writing that i like and want to integrate into creative writing in order to make it more personalized and more engaging. ]

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / SORTA. [ i despise pussyfooting and will often tell ppl straight up if i have a problem with them or something about them; straightforwardness, honesty, and integrity are some of my core values and that includes being harsh if it comes to it in order to keep order ]

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — assuming it’s rooted in goodwill or from a point of analysis, absolutely! it’s one of the direct sources for growth and getting better at any craft, but as Tumblr loves to be.... jumpy, i’m always cautious when its not from someone i know.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — YEA BUDDYYYYY

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — absolutely, i thrive off friendly discourse as i mentioned.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — if we don’t discuss it as above, in lit any other case i’d say “well there are other blogs to follow” but since i’m like 99% sure i’m the only gerson blog that isn’t applicable lmao; the point still stands that everyone has the freedom to write a character as they wish. there are valid reasons to dislike a portayal but not a lot of valid reasons to attack someone for it - with the exception of ppl being gross. stop that, nasty.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — strangely. it’s not my job to make people like a character, you either like them or not. if you dislike them for unreasonable points then, to leave in the previous response, “clowns will be clowns, no matter what you do. I just don’t get why you would follow someone if you hate their character to begin with.”

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — of course, as long as it’s polite and all that jazz!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — depends on the meaning - i like making new friends and i find it easy to talk to new people, be it about roleplay or other things like organizing video game play sessions. however, i also have on multiple occasions have approached ppl privately saying “this is annoying/this is problematic/this is inappropriate, stop” and been met with general disdain for voicing such so Who Knows..... (tm). at least on a private level. here, publicly, i’m pretty relaxed! memes and jokes are abound. as long as a person can be mature and responsible for their actions we can vibe, yo.

#definitely plan to link this in rules or something #as a guide for newcomers #what a nice meme!#* verbatim ⟐ meme.

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fireeaglespirit · 6 years ago

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@fireeaglespirit @viviane-lefay i do worry sometimes with the stories I write if things might be too much for you. To be fair I dont think in any fanfic Ive ever written anything too explicit but now Im so conscious of other people’s viewpoints and being inclusive that it is a concern. Ultimately I write what I want to/need to but I am aware it might not be for all tastes hence always trying to follow ratings etc.

Replying here so it doesn’t cause any problems with OP, etc..

Ohh. I’m sorry if this worried you.. tbh this was very random and I wasn’t even thinking about fiction when I rb this. This one reminded me of a few times I went out with friends and colleagues and I just felt starkly asexual, lmao

About my tolerance regarding sex and explicitly in fiction, I’ll be honest with you…

There’s hardly anything I could say I wouldn’t read about. I just don’t feel ‘triggers’ or anything of the sort, no hard feelings when it gets to fiction and I value your will to be conscious of other viewpoints but its practically impossible to cater to all tastes like you said, so don’t worry about it much… there’s always someone out there who will feel offended and others who will fiercely love it.

As for myself, I’m very tolerant to sexual content in fiction, idk? I don’t seek it out particularly but its not a deal breaker either.

I know some asexual people are less tolerant, I usually just get a ‘meh’ feeling whenever those subjects are touched in much detail, idk some works do get nasty and bothersome because of much detail involving sexual practices so I just give up on them or put them aside when they bring me no joy but I gladly consume material with sex on it as long as I like some aspects of it. Also, I’m good at ignoring or glossing over things I don’t like in fiction… when I read explicit scenes with intercourse it does nothing to me and my eyes focuses on the sentences I loved such as regarding the feelings between the characters and subtle interactions instead of the physical/carnal aspects of it, and this makes it all worthy it.

Even so, some works might become overwhelmingly depressive or repulsive so I might put them aside even if I enjoyed an aspect of it or I might just skip through them and this happened recently to a series of fantasy books I tried to read which were actually really good but they were so overwhelmingly and unnecessarily dark and had an horrid oppressive atmosphere towards women an sex so I just felt no joy reading them? Its not like I was traumatized by its tone but it felt like a chore and I couldn’t care about it further and no character inspired me whatsoever that the world could change for the better, so I dropped them.

But its not like I’m judging it, I just feel weirded out to some things and I just imagine the kind of mind that takes upon themselves the chore to write a whole series of book which has nothing but suffering and misery in them, especially concerning women, lol. We already had this shit in history and still have in some places in the world so I kinda feel like its not interesting for me to read about it in a fictional setting, especially if I don’t feel like the writer is going to challenge the setting.

But I’m aware most people are much more sensitive… these things can be horrid for those who are more sensitive, and perhaps my own asexuality protects me from feeling it fully as I don’t even think of myself as a being capable of partaking in this (weird, I know), so I have problem even projecting.

But I did felt really strongly for the way women were oppressed absurdly and had their agency completely obliterated, so that sparked a sort of empathy or kinship in me which made progress in such book a chore…

You got my point and this just illustrates a bit my relationship to fiction and things that irk me since you were interested in my opinion… I have another example of fantasy book with lots of sex in it:

I read asoiaf even thought its full of sexual stuff but I don’t feel joy at these parts, yet the work is so good on other themes that I ignore it for the most part… but even so, recently I’ve read F&B and it was kinda overwhelming on the sexist aspect with myriads of female characters turned into child brides and raped and dying at their childbirth repeatedly it just got very tiresome and repetitive near the end, because there where almost no counterpoints to it, unlike in the main series where the situation is dire for women but we have characters challenging it more often and idk. F&B just lacked on that front.

So, this shows a bit my sensitivity towards sex is more related to sexism and the feeling that women are confined to their reproductive aspects: motherhood, childbearing, marriage, sensuality, etc.. I don’t have a problem with sexual intercourse per se as you can see, but that’s from my unique point of view and I know some asexuals are more repulsed towards it, but you asked my opinion…

So, if its consensual sex: its not my cup of tea but I don’t feel like its a deal breaker…

Just to give you a positive sex example: when I see an OTP of mine getting to the point of having sex I think its pretty sweet, like when Jon and Dany consummated their love on that boat… I was happy for them, for all that it means, the symbolism between the union of ice and fire and just two characters which I love dearly, finding happiness and comfort in each other. What’s not to love about it??

This is a rare stance I can say I saw a pair I ship get to that point xD

I love shipping as you know, but its more about the psychological aspects and potential for character development and even when I’m reading fanfic about my OTPs I enjoy more the angst and symbolism than the ‘hot’ parts which usually just makes me go ‘meh’ (again).

So this makes me say: when sex is the focus of works I could feel like I’m too asexual for this, even if it regards an OTP, it just doesn’t have a very exciting effect on me or I’m not explicitly interested in this part of a relationship, when so many other things caught my eye… sometimes subtle interactions and dialogue and and gentle approximation (touches, caresses, kissing, etc..) is so much more exciting for me to read about than the ‘thing’ itself, lol.

To sum it up: when its there just for p*rn or even worse, shock value it just makes me go ‘meh’ or ‘ugh’ or ‘uhh why am I even reading this?’

This reminds me of Vivi’s take on the ‘hiero gamos’, in this case I just say I might even enjoy the theme as long as the scenes involving sex are meaningful and passionate and the aspect I value the most about them are sublime and platonic instead of carnal but I’m aware the carnal aspects are very important for the characters and the audience so I also worry when I get to show my stories people will think they lack sexual content ^^ I get you.

Now that you know my feelings towards sex in fiction, to a broader sense I just wanted to say..

There’s no way to guess people’s sensitives but it doesn’t mean you need to walk on eggshells afraid to trigger people all the time, hell no! I’m all for freedom of creation. At least around me there are no metaphorical ‘eggshells’.

Everyone has their own set of opinions which makes them unique, not just me, I mean… even so I will let my snowflake syndrome show but I’m quite peculiar if you could say, so I sort of grew a strong ‘carapace’ towards the world as I deal with people with completely different views and values on a daily basis which might make me have inflamed political opinions while at the same time, I’m very flexible and forgiving when it comes to fiction in general.

I don’t expect much of the population to be like this so I’m also self conscious when it gets to writing my own stuff because I know people can feel very strongly about it and you’ve seen the way fandom reacts to minor things and bash creators when they perceive flaws in their work… I’m just not a judgmental person, its not in my nature. I just ignore things in fiction if I don’t like and I became even more relaxed over time in regards to this all, lol I nearly reached a ‘nirvana’ as I don’t even feel strongly negative feelings in regard to this.

Snarky and bitter comments from time to time? Yes… but no hard feelings. RL needs my hatred, lol so I don’t have it to spare with fiction any longer.

Anyway, on an unrelated sub note… as you might have noticed, I don’t feel comfortable about current fandom trends and specially policing, and with reason as this gets very serious and quick with literally ‘wave chain reactions’ of hatred sparked apparently from nowhere. I hope people could create more freely instead of the political correct police and restraining of creativity we have now. It was good for a while and I’m all for diversity and change in status quo (for the better), but I think this has gone too far and I perceive a lot of rigidity in fiction right now due to fear of fandom backlash we have creators afraid to make their thing and afraid it isn’t ‘inclusive or progressive’ enough… so they bend themselves endlessly until fandom ‘approves’ them, but even so someone is bound to scream and say the work is offensive and the cycle of hatred is restarted.

I know this reply was like a huge egocentric monologue and I strained with non related issues at the end, but you asked my thought on this so I tried to convey it with detail.. including things related to the perception we have concerning fictional themes and I just kinda had to vent at some parts of it.

etc…. This doesn’t mean I forbid judgment from others or criticism or that I forbid people from harshly criticizing works of fiction, just that sometimes it gets more harmful than beneficial and scare people off, and I felt like saying that.

Anyway,,, just want to say nonetheless I find it very sweet and considerate that you are taking different opinions in mind while writing, but you don’t need to worry at least from my part, and I don’t think you ever got even close to being explicit in your writings so there’s absolutely nothing to worry about.

#beyond-far-horizons

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ppeacherine · 6 years ago

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Fairs and Fairs (Suzaku, Rolo [CG])

I wrote 5k words on on a rarepair from a show I haven’t watched in literal years.

I’m so good LMAO. Mostly a rolo-perspective third person because I feel more comfortable writing him versus writing Suzaku, oof.

“I don’t think you trust me, Lord Kururugi,” Rolo says coyly, narrowing his eyes and leaning back against the make-shift counter of fold-up tables for the carnival tent. A reckless use of his Geass for certain, but Suzaku nearly jumping out of his skin in surprise was worth the risk of reprimand. It wasn’t like he hadn’t used it for worse— “Coming to campus like this…”

“R-Rolo! Damnit, don’t—” Blinking quickly, he snatches a napkin from the table and covers his over-full mouth of funnel-cake samples. Knight of Seven dies by cake while in disguise, god, he turns on heel to glance about the fairgrounds… but, as expected, no one has noticed they lost any time at all.

The tent staff are just as confused at Rolo’s sudden appearance, but he’d played the part of mouse for so long they’d assume he was already there. It wasn’t like he stood out in a crowd anyways, or that people were prone to noticing him for being anything that wasn’t being Lelouch’s younger brother… which, the thought brings Suzaku’s brows down.

“Shouldn’t you be with… Lelouch…?”

“He’s back at the apartment,” a nonchalant answer with an equally nonchalant shrug that puts a frown to Suzaku’s face, “So I thought I would… ah, hmm, make an appearance for student council?” Rolo’s tone is too sweet, his eyes too big, and he slinks past the Knight of Seven as if his being here were the most innocuous thing in the world.

Turning to reluctantly follow after the younger man, Suzaku calls after, “Doing what? You’re supposed to keep him under surveillance–this isn’t really--”

“He’s puking, probably,” he must have sensed Suzaku’s eyes bug, and he casts a flat look over his shoulder in response while ferreting them through the crowd, “He has the flu. He’s not in danger. I gave him medicine. I’ve already taken care of everything, including scheduling an appointment for him to get a shot next season,” he recites it like a laundry list, obviously tired of playing keeper.

For a moment, Suzaku almost mentions that such a thing was Sayoko’s responsibility, but—that’s hardly the present they live in now, isn’t it? He goes still for a moment, a gaggle of students pushing past his shoulders. Here he was, on the Ashford University campus, and… everything was so wrong.

He was wrong, really, wearing shades and a coat he hadn’t pulled out of his closet since the last outing with Euphie. And now…

“Lord Kururugi, you’ll catch flies,” Rolo offers primly (receiving another grimace).

He takes a few wide strides to close the gap, grasping the smaller man’s bicep to push him through the crowd, “Don’t call me that out here. I’m pretty sure everyone knows Lelouch’s younger brother isn’t really best of friends with the Knight of Seven,”

“Right. That’s Lelouch’s--” Reflexively, Rolo’s hands fly up to catch Suzaku’s as the other reels. The locking of fingers about wrists, a tangle of initiation-versus-counter, pushes them haphazardly through the crowd. Rolo’s been in enough fights to know it isn’t worth resisting someone with this much strength over him, though. He ragdolls.

A girl snaps watch it, and the darling Knight of Rounds gives her an immediate apology—

Before slamming Rolo against the brick wall of one of the craft sheds. Now, they’re parallel to the crowd. Festival goers pour through the cobbled, blossom-laden main street to their left, the tents forming a makeshift alley about the shed that ensures their spat-slash-rendezvous remains unseen from the student gawking.

The Britannian gives a small wince before levelling his gaze up at the other. Unflinching, really, and it reminds Suzaku of the way his officers used to look at him as a recruit. The way the captured Black Knights turned their eyes at him, full of scorn and betrayal.

“Your mouth is new, Rolo,” Suzaku’s lips part one more time, only to purse tightly as he relaxes his grip on Rolo’s blazer.

Although his hands are unable to move away entirely. They’ve been pinned underneath Rolo’s own, and he only cocks his head to the side, as if this were a natural arrangement. This is the way one was meant to talk to their superior officers.

At this proximity, Suzaku wonders if Rolo has ever worn an expression that didn’t look like a wounded animal attempting to hide its injuries. Everything about him is soft, and maybe those eyes are just wide enough, empty as they appear under duress, to uncomfortably remind him of Euphemia’s.

“…Let go of me. Please.”

There’s no backtalk (pleasant surprise). Rolo releases his grip and quietly fixes his jacket. He’s unperturbed by the violent turn, and it leaves Suzaku wondering what in god’s name made him that way.

(not that he has to reach too far to guess)

“Your temper is new, Suzaku.”

Maybe if they weren’t who they were, maybe if it wasn’t now, the retort would be funny. It would be bitter banter between friends that look like not-quite friends to the uninitiated. The sort of attitude Lelouch gave Milly at her reckless behavior as student body president (and at her attempts to wrangle him and Shirley together before senior year).

But it wasn’t, and it couldn’t be. He knew coming here was a mistake, during the university’s cherry blossom celebration nonetheless, but nostalgia and melancholy and loneliness brought him here.

And it’s that mixture that keeps Suzaku locked uncomfortably in place. There really wasn’t any salvaging this interaction (and frankly, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to. Rolo was strange to put it lightly. At least, Rolo Haliburton was strange. Rolo Lamperouge was a different persona entirely, and it sours his stomach) but...

“I’m… sorry. It’s, the whole thing has me on edge. Lots of people… This wasn’t easy, Rolo,” He takes a step back to clear the air, and still the rise in his pulse.

Rolo seems unconcerned with the apology. He’d probably received half a dozen like it in the past, but Suzaku pushes the thought to the back of his mind, “Just, don’t call me anything regarding the Knights of Rounds here. And… I don’t want to—”

“Hear about Lelouch,” Rolo finishes definitively, “Understood.”

A beat, and then his voice lilts in a way that might have Shirley or Milly tripping over themselves at the sheer sugar intake of cuteness, “Ah, Suzaku, are you going to go back to the fair, then? Besides, I’m sure big brother—”

Suzaku drowns out the rest, staring in shock, awe, and more than a touch of horror. Lelouch was good at theatrics and making a show of things – Zero was ample proof of that – changing from one charismatic persona to the next. But this was… this was something else entirely.

Rolo Haliburton was strange, but Rolo Lamperouge might be worse if he keeps this up.

He’s not like that all the time is he?

There’s a nagging curiosity in Rolo that wonders why Suzaku is here as they walk. Part of him believes it’s a matter of trust or disrespect, like he’d mentioned before: that Suzaku didn’t believe some pretty, boyish assassin would be able to maintain a demure enough front to repress Lelouch’s memories of Nunnally and keep an eye out for red flags that said Zero was back. That he saw Rolo as a threat to the mission, or worse, a threat to Lelouch, given Suzaku’s obvious prickly (yet very protective) disposition toward the topic. His ultimate orders were to kill Lelouch if Zero awakened, anyways, so maybe it was to – god forbid – stop him from doing so.

Still, a Knight of Round should be prowling Pendragon, or by now, the battlefields in Europe. A knight that knew about Geass, furthermore, should not be this close to the University. The Emperor (or maybe even V.V.) would have better use for them than this, so Suzaku must be on leave of some kind.

It was completely beyond Rolo. To have the ability to just… stop, let alone do what he saw as essentially shirking duty.

He gives Suzaku a sideways glance, ill-timed since their eyes catch and Suzaku bizarrely turns away with the makings of a blush on his face.

This was another aspect of Suzaku he could not make heads or tails of in their interactions. Certainly, Rolo had been taught to use proximity and emotional plays to lull targets into a false sense of security, but small hiccups in their (few) interactions had led him to believe he didn’t really need to try with Suzaku.

It was like he wanted to believe Rolo wasn’t an assassin. That he was just some melancholy-but-very-sweet university freshman. That Lelouch wasn’t even part of their main reason for meeting, and Rolo hadn’t fished him out of prison in a foreign state.

Maybe Suzaku was just very awkward, and this was his default state of being. Or, maybe he was being too critical of someone who was obviously not meant for more delicate works of subterfuge. Considering his rough reaction to a bit of cheek regarding his old relationships, Suzaku was someone who was led more by their heart than their brain.

There was more there, too. The fact that he apologized for being rightly offended at Rolo’s toying was strange.

“Have you—well. No, that’s probably assumptive-“

He widens his gaze, attempting to cover up that incredibly telling, pursed look he got on his face when analyzing someone too hard, “hmm?”

“I just wanted to know if you’d been to a cherry blossom festival before. Or, any festival… They told me you were from—you know. But they’d never given me any other details.”

A turn of his head signals his confusion at the cautious phrasing, and he pockets both his hands, “No. There’s been a few on campus, and Milly – not Lelouch – has begged me to go,” a heavy sigh before he says more concisely, “I don’t like crowds.”

I don’t like being smothered, as wonderful as the positive attention from Lelouch was. It was fake. It was empty. It didn’t mean anything to or for Rolo.

“…This is your first one? Ever?”

Another shrug, and Suzaku finally forces his knees to unlock from their shock to catch up again, “Wait, come on. Let me get you something. This one is my favorite, anyways, and after earlier…”

He wishes he could say he’s seen enough romantic comedies to know where this is going. At some point there would be a large stuffed animal involved, if he remembers correctly. But he didn’t need Suzaku’s help to win a balloon popping game to acquire a stupidly overfluffed monkey, or lion, or whatever they had in stock at university knock-off fairs. Nor did he have any interest in acquiring them.

But he hasn’t seen enough. At least, he hasn’t seen any that involve knights and their traumatized best friends. Nor did they involve assassins, undercover agents, or other obviously dangerous motifs.

Really, he’d only seen one romantic comedy at Shirley’s insistence, but he can’t regurgitate that information quickly enough to stop Suzaku from pushing them onward. Rolo Lamperouge was bashful, but Rolo Haliburton, at this moment, was tongue-tied into a state of bewilderment.

They’re just flowers. Pink flowers.

They sort of reminded him of Euphemia li Britannia’s hair in the back of his mind as he tries to quickly pull up a mental file on how he’s supposed to respond to such a social cue.

Yes, he looks up at Suzaku as the other maintains a polite sort of bodily-shield to keep them motivating through the crowd of petal-enraptured students as pink twisted through the air like confetti.

Suzaku was someone that was led more by their heart than their brain.

What a shame.

“…Lor—Suzaku. I don’t know how to eat this,” he says numbly, staring at the multicolored, circular treats stuffed on a stick like a pastel aesthetic corndog. An inspective squeeze tells him it’s too sticky for his personal taste, and if he were more considerate as a person he might feel bad for the briefly dejected look on Suzaku’s face.

“It’s just like eating anything else on a stick. You… Just put it in your mouth,” and because he really has to sell it, “it’s sweet, it’s good, and no viewing is complete without hanami dango.”

He refrains from pointing out that this stand – and the bench near it – are the furthest possible things from the row of cherry trees on the main drag. All they’re viewing is other people viewing the blossoms. That, and the crushed, wilted remains of what petals have blown too far away from the road.

“Just putting it in your mouth isn’t advice that should be dispensed… liberally,” Rolo returns plainly, disregarding Suzaku in favor of reaching to peel one of the – no, he raises a hand to prevent Suzaku from once again invading his space (which only slows him momentarily).

“Haha, well, I mean, yes! But, hang on, you picked it up upside down,”

“This is really complicated for a rice ball,”

“Not a rice ball. Rice flour. Pounded. My freshman year here – well, sophomore too – I helped make some,” Suzaku says warmly, finally tucking into his own treat, “Still have all my fingers intact,”

“Piloting would be hard without all of them, yes,” the dango is gummy in his mouth, and a mixture of good manners and self-loathing stops him from spitting it out. It’s not overly sweet, but it’s not bland either. He can’t place it, exactly, and the proper way of eating it reminded him of the tanghulu he’d gotten on the streets during missions in China.

He ate that the wrong way too, in hindsight—carefully picking it apart to put the pieces in his mouth.

By the time Rolo is on the final one, despite still trying to pinpoint exactly what flavor it is, he’s decided he likes them.

Suzaku gets them two more, looking considerably more delighted with Rolo’s company.

“Did the swim club get stuck doing something… awful again?” Suzaku asks, tilting this way and that to better peer into the tents. He hadn’t seen any glimpse of what was arguably the most popular club on campus (he’s sure there’s only one reason for that, and unfortunately it wasn’t because of Shirley’s phenomenal butterfly stroke). Ordinarily they’d be on the center stage, but it’s weirdly empty. That sinking feeling hits his stomach again.

“Mm? No, they’re… Managing one of the game tents,” Rolo gestures in some general direction, grabbing Suzaku before he can wander too close, “You can’t be seen here. Not by them.”

Right… Well, there had to be something they could do other than eat. Not that the food was bad (as bad as it was for their stomachs), but an Ashford University fair wasn’t complete without a nightmarish free-for-all of a game. Maybe Milly had finally toned it down some? He smiles at the thought, glancing away and—

Rolo knows what he’s spotted before his mouth opens.

Damn you, Shirley.

“Oh! Over here,” not that Suzaku is waiting for Rolo to follow after him, “That’s cute, they even have stuffed mascots.”

The stand is simultaneously identical to those around it, and yet very different. The colors are a typical mint green and pastel pink (how they afforded to color coordinate an entire festival is beyond Rolo. He assumes the alumni must be beyond loaded), a few streamers hanging down over the “counter” that was placed in front of a board of similarly colored balloons.

He knows where this is going. It doesn’t need to go there.

Right when he gets ready to activate his Geass, one of the Student Activities Council members throws their arm around his shoulder and disrupts the whole process. “Rolo! You actually made it for once, that’s—guys this is a miracle, look at him,” they pull away, doing some overly dramatic gesture that for some stupid reason requires them to do what Rolo can only describe as an upside-down dab.

“Oh! And who’s hiding behind those glasses, huh?” Mia asks, running fingers through lavender hair before turning her sly squint to Rolo, “boyfriend?”

God. He can’t believe Suzaku is laughing at this. He also can’t believe his face hasn’t somehow turned inside out with the sheer amount of concentrated sourpuss contained within. He’s only rescued by the third tent attendant – this one he doesn’t recognize from any particular club – “If it Is, let’s not terrorize him too badly. That’s just mean.”

“Y… Yes. How—how well have you been doing?”

“Aw, come on. You don’t ask about the bottom line during the festival, council-boy,” Mia sets her hands on her hips in a mock-haughty fashion, “But! If you really gotta know, it’s been slow.”

“Nobody here has enough hand-to-eye coordination to win one of the big prizes. But hey! Free stuffed animals for us,” the SAC member makes pistol fingers, just as Suzaku opens his mouth despite Rolo’s efforts to will him not to.

“That bad? I think I might be able to take a few off your hands,” Anya or Gino might like one, at least. The mascot of the university was… strange – some sort of lion-mermaid that didn’t have any official name as much as the entire student body called it “The Cryptid.” Supposedly, it was from Milly’s coat of arms, but it was just as likely she’d picked the first unsettling mythological creature she’d saw on Google.

He missed it here.

It’s a dart game, and once the two men are situated side by side to compete (with the trio of tent runners watching in eager anticipation) Suzaku tries to make small talk.

“Could you clean this place out?”

“Absolutely. It’s… It’s not hard,” Rolo glances at the other students, torn between which persona he’s supposed to be using. A loud pop takes him out of his thoughts, and with a grimace he reluctantly joins in the turn-taking, “You only have to aim, inhale—exhale, throw.”

“Oof, remind me not to cross him,” and Suzaku smiles at the spectating words as much as he frowns on the inside. Every time he began to believe he was just a guest on the campus, that they were all just regular students, he remembers reality. They’re all stuck in a dream-like haze where their memories have been permanently altered, and his hand falls from its ready position.

Even he wasn’t free from the vice-grip of Geass, deep down. Try as he might to resist it. Try as Euphie might—

By the time he’s left autopilot, Rolo is holding a stuffed creature only a mother could love and regarding him with what isn’t quite contempt – but what definitely isn’t fondness. “You missed the last three.”

“I did? How—” he could take a running leap at someone and kick them head on, but he couldn’t throw darts without concentrating?

“Don’t worry about it! You still get… goodies!” Mia’s enthusiastic voice cuts in, presenting Suzaku with a hand-woven bracelet adorned with an Ashford University crest charm, “not as good goodies, but, you get goodies.”

The skin on his palm crawls while he looks down at the small accessory placed into his hand. He needed to get rid of this before—

“Ah, Mia, he’s,” Rolo huffs, “don’t tease him too badly. He’s my guest, after all. But—oh, Milly needed me for something, I just remembered. I’m, I’m really sorry, you guys,” He looks so sad at having to leave for his made-up appointment while gently ushering Suzaku away.

Once they’re out of sight and earshot, Suzaku asks to exchange gifts. By now, he’s decided that Gino would definitely prefer the stuffed animal over Anya. It’s what he focuses on to keep his thoughts straight. Rolo seems indifferent to the exchange.

At least until Suzaku gently ties the bracelet around his wrist with a beaming smile and a thank-you.

“So they… Really don’t notice any difference…?” Suzaku asks hesitantly, patting the stuffed mascot situated on the bench between the two of them on the head. To have replaced someone to one person is simple, but to replace someone to an entire campus? That was harrowing, and it made his blood run cold to think the power of Geass was immense enough to drown the memory of so many individuals.

(Not that he could be so surprised. Euphemia had committed unspeakable horrors against that same power.)

The gazebo is quiet, and most of the students have headed back to the dormitories or campus apartments for the evening. The grove here was oak and maple, the architecture a redux of the Britannian capital. For a moment, Suzaku is so displaced with the chilled feeling he almost believes he’s back at the gardens in Pendragon, and Rolo’s quiet voice pushes him out of his stupor and puts his mind solidly back into his body.

Rolo doesn’t think Suzaku wants the answer, worrying his index and thumb nails together.

“No, they don’t. If I don’t act out of character for their perception of Nunnally, they don’t notice. There are no emotions to trigger for most of them. Lelouch…” he pauses, reading Suzaku’s expression before he continues, “… You saw what happened with Julius Kingsley. No Geass is infallible. If I were to act too uncanny, then Lelouch’s subconscious would rebel,”

“He would remember Nunnally. Would he remember everything else?”

Ripping away Lelouch’s sister, relocating her to the relatively safe hand of the emperor… that was removing Lelouch’s motivation to become Zero. But wouldn’t that be enough? He has to wonder where the desire to be Zero ended, and where it began. If it was all for Nunnally, then wouldn’t it repeat with Rolo?

But then, he supposes Rolo Lamperouge doesn’t want distant dreams like peace or harmony for that reason. He wonders if Rolo Haliburton would either.

“Mm. The Geass would come undone entirely,” Rolo says simply, continuing to pick at his nails.

They sit in a more comfortable silence than the last, at least until Suzaku offers Rolo his coat against the encroaching night air. Spring here wasn’t terribly warm, and the nights were worth putting at least a light coat on. The breeze had cooled considerably during sunset, and Suzaku tells himself he’s being polite against further uncomfortable recollections of his last serendipitous encounter with someone.

“…How old are you?”

God, why did he say that?

Suzaku sputters for a few seconds, trying to repair what he perceives as damage (and what Rolo perceives as nothing) as he fixes his blazer, “I mean, you don’t look older than Nunnally and she was a year ahead because of her test scores. So, a Freshman in college when she was just a senior in high school-“

“I didn’t go to school.”

“Ah… I, I’m sorry--? No. I am sorry,” he reaffirms, expression steeling to better fit the symbol he was to the populace. The Empire used everything, and it spared nothing and no one, and… He knew that. He knew that when he had to put Lelouch on his knees before the emperor – twice – but he’d never really encountered what happened when the hand of Britannia (the hand of Geass) was all someone knew.

But he knows it’s wasted, and Rolo doesn’t care anyways. He doesn’t know why he continues, then. It’s desperation, something that might want validation or miserable company. The same parts of him that chastise his every past action and failure, and the same parts that drive him to crave revenge as much as he is disgusted with his being for wanting it so badly.

It’s an admission, one he hasn’t heard himself say for a year.

“I… wanted to change that. When I became a knight – when I joined the military. To change the way things are, and the way they would be,” he folds his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees and denying Rolo any glimpse of his face to make out his intentions, “I don’t think it takes extremes to make the world better. I think benevolence is stronger than Zero – than Lelouch – thinks.”

He swore Rolo had used his Geass to escape, the silence after his confession was so thunderous and overwhelming. He’s ashamed that he’d vilify himself out loud like it would change anything he’d done. Why now, of all times, was he so overcome?

His hands rake through his hair, cradling his head from his bent over position.

“I didn’t want to do it just for one person, not like Lelouch, but when I finally met someone I could change it for, to change it with, I—”

A light hand on his shoulder stops him, and his frazzled state has him afraid to look up at Rolo because he knows there’s tears and he knows it’s all about Euphie, the massacre, the betrayal, everything.

But he does. He turns his green-eyed gaze to Rolo’s cold silence. He flinches as the hand leaves his shoulder, only for fingertips to lightly graze the firm line of his jaw, a thumb to gently stroke over the hollow in his cheek. Instinct tells him to lean into the touch (that’s what he’d do with Euphie, and this is wrong) but he refrains out of shock.

Rolo knew something about proximity and lulling people into a false sense of security – it wouldn’t be a violation of the mission to prevent his superior from having some sort of neurotic, trauma-induced come apart. That wouldn’t do, especially not on the campus. It would jeopardize everything, and Rolo has never failed a mission.

Suzaku can’t do anything except wait with his heart in this throat. He’d admitted to the Emperor what his motivations were, what drove him. An accusation of treason didn’t scare him.

It was the idea of being rejected on a base, empathetic level. His left hand shakily wraps around Rolo’s wrist, now trapping them both in a moment that seemed to stretch indefinitely.

Rolo doesn’t know what Suzaku wants to hear, not exactly. He could make a damn good guess, but what someone’s heart truly desired was lost on him. He doesn’t know the nuances of empathy, or consideration. They were all ripped from him while he was young.

“…I’m sorry.”

To Lelouch. To Euphemia. To Nunnally, it’s for them, Rolo thinks, and he looses his hand just enough from the grip to brush away the one tear that had escaped. His mind is still sifting through words, trying to puzzle together the right things to say—

“I’m so, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want… None of this was supposed to be this way,” a pressure on Rolo’s lower back ushers him forward, and he remains still (gentle, demure, calm) as Suzaku’s forehead presses against his abdomen, as his arms wrap around his waist, “I wish she could be here. I wish I could have shown her—”

He considers using his Geass to buy himself time, to escape before this leaps from a recollection to a living memory, but…

“I can’t change anything. I couldn’t change anything,” the growing dampness in the fabric of his blazer tells him Suzaku has given up on damming his feelings, and hesitantly Rolo slips his hands around Suzaku’s shoulders, “We should all be here, together, not… Not like this…”

Rolo doesn’t count the seconds of his moment, as he’s prone to do for his Geass.

He hopes he won’t regret it later.

“Stop sneaking onto campus, Kururugi,” this time, Suzaku is expecting the sudden appearance, and he tilts his chin up with an unbegrudged smile. He pushes his glasses further up his nose, leaning back against the wall of Waterford Hall while students filed by with buzzing excitement to the “dead day” festival – because clearly what students needed on their day off to study for finals was something to distract them from studying for finals. “You’re making this difficult.”

“I was feeling nostalgic. Besides, I had to talk to the dean of admissions,” for once, he’s got the one-up on Rolo… although now that he’s focusing on him in proper, he can tell the younger man is hiding something behind his back.

“You’re coming back?”

“It seemed like… It was something I needed to do. It’s—” He inhales deeply, and briefly, concern flutters across Rolo’s face, “what Euphie would have wanted. And it’s the least I can do for her, right?”

Rolo knows Suzaku doesn’t need his agreeance on this, but he nods his head.

“… A-anyways, before this gets… so did you have something to report? I can meet you later-- or were you just trying to sneak up on me again?” He tries to peer behind Rolo, get a glimpse at whatever he’s playing keep away with, and—

He’s gone.

No, this was not okay – he whirls on heel to his right, where Rolo has somehow (Geass, he internally grumbles) materialized beside him with a skewer in one of his hands, laden with strawberries and a thickly crystallized sugar coating.

“I asked Milly to search around for other street food vendors, and one of them happened to be something I recognized from older missions,” Suzaku plucks the bamboo skewer delicately away, raising an eyebrow, “the Directorate is a secret, obviously,” he situates himself against the wall beside Suzaku, prying off a sugary strawberry and popping it into his mouth, “but I spent a lot of time in Northern China.”

Suzaku has to wonder if that’s Rolo’s way of opening up to him, after… after their last encounter. He twists the skewer, “I see… It’s not poisoned?”

“No,” Rolo gives him a sideways glance, mumbling around the fruit in his mouth before he swallows, “I have nothing to gain, anyways,”

Now, a grin crosses his features, “Any advice?” at least there was something light hearted he could recall from… the last time he’d stopped by here unbidden, and the grin is dissolved by laughter at the response he receives,

“You just put it in your mouth.”

He admonishes Rolo for not warning him that the sugar would break in a fashion that was very likely to cut his mouth.

#momowrites #code geass #suzarolo #suzaku kururugi #rolo lamperouge

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