#more reason to write more theo angst in the future! lol

[dreamscapesin1582]

[ d-3 ] karmozijn

prompt: theo & what breaks his heart 

tagging: @delicateikemenmemes​

warning: mention of death and blood

What have you done?

There she was. From where he stood, Theo watched intently as the woman he loved approached from the other side of the aisle with otherworldly grace. Her eyes twinkled with purest love, the most winsome smile played on her lips, her cheeks bloomed with the prettiest of pink—the veil did nothing to suppress her beauty.

He sighed with adoration, yet it came out trembling. Stifled. Troubled.

At the corner of his vision, he caught Arthur’s stare. That unwelcomed emotion behind his stare left something to burn in Theo’s chest, but he tried to ignore it. He’d seen it for several nights now. Not one more.

This will end soon.

She finally stopped walking, standing in front of the altar. Turning towards Theo, her smile remained. Oh, she was perfect. The greatest masterpiece he could ever hope to set his eyes on.

He honestly tried to smile back. Truly, he did. But he felt something clawing at his throat, clutching his heart with a vice grip. And before he could even move, her figure was eventually overshadowed by a familiar back.

Vincent. Standing beside her, they exchanged a smile before facing forward. And the wedding ceremony began.

Yet at that point, Theo was in a world with only his own voice.

What have you done? He recalled all those moments he held back, let the words he wanted to say to die at the back of his mind. He recalled each moment he let go, stepping away even when every fiber of his being had roared to feel her skin. He recalled the times he wasn’t there when she needed someone, listening to the demon that whispered in his ear instead. That no, it’s not him. It’s not going to be him. Someone else. He…

He always provided her less than what she deserved.

What he wanted.

And so, there she was—

“You’re attending the wedding?” Arthur scoffed at him while Theo kept downing the contents of his glass, and then some more. “You’re a blasted fool, you know that?”

“It’s my brother’s wedding. Of course I need to go.”

“But it’s not just your brother’s wedding, is it? You’re really going to let the truth slap you in the face just like that?”

“…I have to.” Theo confided, the alcohol in his veins giving him the courage to do so. “How else am I going to continue without facing the truth?”

“Question is, will you be able to continue, facing the truth?” Arthur didn’t hold back. Here they were, drinking their miseries away, yet the writer couldn’t give one look at his friend without pity swimming in his eyes. For he knew of the amount of time Theo spent thinking about the woman, the number of whiskey glasses he had to finish laced with the drunken utterings of her name.

“It’s going to burn into your head. Every moment of that day. And you’re going to live with that forever, not leaving you for another moment after. Are you sure you want to live like that?”

…Since when did he ever live without regrets, anyway?

Theo found himself in the same venue, yet there was chaos. People were running about, noise all around. He took a step forward, but he stepped into a puddle of something.

Something…

His gaze fell down on his feet.

Red. Red. Dirtied with red.

White. White frills. White lace. Snow white skin.

And more red.

…There she was.

He knelt at the figure in front of him. Her eyes had no twinkle, no smile playing on her lips, no pink on her cheeks—but crimson stained her all over.

Regret. He was the first one here. He was finally here, beside her. Her name left his lips, despite how it hurt to do so. He called out, again and again, to relive every time that he hadn’t.  

Regret. He heard his heartbeat thundering in his ears. With shaking digits, he reached out to her only to see that his hands weren’t clean.

Regrets dropped like pearls of agony on the now tainted carpet. He could almost hear someone laughing down at him. His chest tightened, he suddenly couldn’t breathe.

Was he really too late?

Was he really… Did he… really…?

And he found a certain someone, standing in front of him. The entity of his regrets that bore the same eyes as him, and they were looking at him with horror. It was then that he realized—

“Theo, what have you done?”

Cold. Theo shot up as cold sweat clung on his skin. Out of breath.

“Mm, Theo…?” A soft voice called out. The bed shifted as the woman turned to face him, only to sit up when she realized he was disgruntled. “What happened?”

“…Ah.” He breathed out as her small hand cupped his cheek and gently turned his face to look at her. Even with the dimness of the room, he found serenity in her eyes—an ocean he would always be willing to drown on…

“Did you have a nightmare?”

A nightmare. Yeah. Yeah, it was just a nightmare. It wasn’t… real…

“Yeah.” It came out a murmur as he laid his forehead on her shoulder. Breathing on her scent while his muscular arms naturally sought for her warmth.

“…It’s just a dream, Theo.” She cooed as she hugged him back. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here until you’re okay.”

But Theo thought otherwise. Why else did he dream of that, if not for the ghosts of his remorse haunting him still, the shadows residing on the recesses of his heart, reiterating the very depths they could pull him in…?

Living sans her would break him. The entirety of him.

Perhaps he really was just a broken man with his fragments barely pieced together. Balancing in a thin line, one wrong move would shatter him.

To lose her might drive him to do even the unspeakable.

Because he… wasn’t strong enough.

And perhaps that dream was just his consciousness telling him of his misgivings. That he was doing something wrong. That he wasn’t doing everything he could…

A reminder that he is lacking��

“…I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Don’t be. I’m glad I get to hold you while you’re like this.” She rubbed his back while he nestled on the crook of her neck. “You can always tell me.”

If I did… would you stay?    

[vxzhypen]

Hello, I would like to know if you could do a P1Harmony reaction when you die?

P1HARMONY REACTION TO YOUR PASSING

p1harmony x gn!reader

warnings: major character death

genre : angst lol

Wc:417

Notes: i decided to pass on writing scenarios for soul & jongseob on this one, i'm not sure how i feel about putting them in serious situations like this hahah

Also this probably isnt good, i have no idea how to write character deaths,, apologies !!

THEO

oh my god,,, he literally doesnt know what to do

You were usually his voice of reason for everything

He wanted to impulsively buy a dog? Youd tell him hed never have time for them

He knew you were right

What was he going to do now,,??

Hes the type to leave everything how you had left it

Yout small pile of clothes you swore youd do but always procrastinated

He knew hed have to clean up eventually, but that was a problem for his future self to work out

KEEHO

I feel like hed have the worst reaction

He does not know how to go about this

He makes a small joke to cope, his members just give him a sympathetic look

“...Y/N would have laughed at that…”

He shuts down after that

He calls out your name sometimes, forgetting that you wont reply

Hes so stubborn, i dont think he could bring himself to visit your resting place often

That would just make everything more real for him

JIUNG

Dont talk to him, at all after

He would snap at anyone who even thought about mentioning you

Goes through like 20 stages of grief

Unlike his hyung, he visits your resting place quite often

He brings a small bouquet of flowers every time

Distracts himself by dancing

Maybe hed even post a dance cover to honor you

Hed text your number like he usually would, until the dreaded day your phone line finally got cut

INTAK

Literally becomes a shell of the human he once was

Stone cold face, not even his members could make him budge

He just wanted you

Hed go through every single photo and video he has of you

He didnt want to forget that smile, and laugh he loved so much

He held onto your favorite comfort item, it still smelled like you

He ran out of tears to cry after day two

Every year for your birthday he would buy you small gifts and a small birthday cake to celebrate

[icepower55]

fortnight, september, tomorrow or yesterday or forever

Hey, you! Thanks so much for these asks!

Fortnight: what wip do you plan on posting next, if at all?

I have a one or two shot Dramione that I’m calling the WIP FROM HELL. It’s a bit more experimental than I’ve ever written, and I’m working through it. Hopefully I’ll post...before summer, lol.

tomorrow: favourite ways to write fluff?

I’ve honestly never really written what I consider full-on fluff. Maybe that’ll be a challenge for me in the future. 

yesterday: favourite way to write angst?

Dialed to a ten! Gas on the peddle! Violin concert on background! Watching movie scenes to see how people cry so I can get the physical descriptions right!!! Sometimes I block out the scenes myself if it’s an angst scene with a lot of movement.

forever: do you balance fic writing with original concept stuff?

I do! It’s why I haven’t written much lately (though I was far from prolific before). I’m working on a manuscript that is slow coming.

I’m going to put the comment ask behind the jump since it’s rather long, but I adore this comment and the level of analysis that went into it!  Milli1213 wrote it!

september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?

"She’s always known this about him, that there are limits to the cruelty he practices; he’s always known his boundaries. It’s one of the reasons she loves him. Sometimes, she’s not sure she recognizes her own." This resonated with me as an almost perfect summary to where we are at the moment (and when I read this on my phone I totally glossed over the fact this was the section you picked for the summary as well!). You really aren't pulling any punches on the heart are you? :-)

Ron's "We're all angry" gives so much insight into her friends and what the last few years have been like for them. I'll confess, I'm not typically a huge Ron fan, but you might make me change my mind on this (I've been thoroughly seduced by mightbewriting's Theo and Pansy in B&E and W&H to the extent I had to go back and re-read your story just to make sure I wasn't giving them too much leniency when I read the hospital scene where Theo is brutally honest with her). That line from Ron, coupled with the fact he apologizes and still tries to comfort her - in just a few sentences you've given such beautiful context to their relationship.

Harry's statement "I think you need to take responsibility for your actions is also very telling" because it seems to me as if living with the consequences of her actions is about to drag Hermione under. I'd love some more insight from Harry's perspective - is it as simple that someone else always has to clean up her mess, whether that is him, Ginny, Ron, or Draco? Or that someone else pays the price for her decisions, whether that be Draco or her parents? Is it rooted more deeply in a belief that if she had had to take responsibility for her actions earlier on, she would have made different decisions that led to very different outcomes? Or simply, he's tired of having to step in to make things better or the consequences disappear, all because he knows she knows better, but she can't seem to stop herself?

Ah Cadric - I knew you wouldn't go quietly. Thank you for making him quite unlikeable in this bit. I'm still a bit surprised that out of all the things Hermione would have chosen to do to keep her secret would be to oblivate someone else after all her guilt over her parents and how that situation turned out, but it is hard to drum up too much sympathy for Cadric especially given the way he acted here.

Yet even with all of this, everything, Draco's love for her is still present. He stands up for her to his father, he deals with Cadric for her, he seems to feel guilt over "failing" to find the plant...I wish Hermione wouldn't just hope that "he knows what she means, that he’s always known what she lacked the bravery to say" because that is so unfair to Draco. I'm hopeful that when he learns of her decision, of who his donor is, that will make him realize what she struggles so to articulate, but given how much angst you've dealt thus far, maybe I should say I'm hopeful but steeling myself for his guilt and worry that she'll regret her choice.

Also, a pro pro of nothing - My best friend from college was diagnosed with colon cancer. It's been several years now, and she is in remission, but the feelings Draco has about his stoma - that is a very real thing, at least based on my limited experience. It can be very alienating and leave people with feelings of shame and embarrassment. Thank you for not glossing over it. I hope Draco can meld the magical and traditional medicines to heal faster (and safely).

I love that the philosophy continues with your inclusion of "For Grief". Are you maybe sending us a message of hope? The last stanza of that poem states in part "...be able to enter the hearth...where your loved one Has awaited your return All the time."

Stay safe and healthy! Thank you for continuing to write!