#more plotless comics that make since to no one but me who knows the plot 🤣

[cheapbourbon]

Hunters Knight : proselytize

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really THAT Bad?

Cats has been a divisive show ever since it opened in 1981. Some people hate it for being a plotless spectacle that focuses more on the visuals than on music and story, while others love it for those same reasons, as well as for being utterly campy and fun. I’m firmly in the latter category, to the point I can’t  really comprehend the opposition to the film. Stuff like the jab at this film in The Critic or the mockery of it in Hey Arnold just seem weird to me; what is it about this fun, silly musical about cats that makes people’s blood boil so much?

Perhaps all these people saw into the future where the film was released.

Cats had a long, troubled history getting from stage to screen. In the 90s, Amblimation was set to make an animated version of the movie, set during the Blitz of WWII. Unfortunately, the inability of writers to find a way to turn this episodic showcase of random singing cats into a cohesive narrative combined with the failure of Amblimations films caused the project to dissolve, leaving behind nothing but some really cool concept art. 

But see, this perfectly demonstrates the problem with adapting Cats: the musical is a spectacle, a showcase, it’s all about the dancing, costumes, and the songs. It doesn’t have a story to speak of, instead contenting itself with showing us a bunch of different cats and having them sing about themselves for a bit before moving on to the next cat. Sure, there’s a bit of continuity and whatnot, but this really isn’t the sort of show that’s trying to deliver a deep narrative. It just wants you to have a good time, nothing more, nothing less.

No one told any of this to Tom Hooper, apparently. This director of the grounded, gritty, realistic adaptation of Les Mis was tapped to utilize this same style in a musical about magical singing cats, all while not even knowing what catnip is or how animation works. Hooper was apparently constantly butting heads with the VFX team due to his lack of understanding of how animating works. He tried to get the team to watch videos of cats performaing the stuff he wanted and forced them to give 90 hour work weeks, cementing Tom Hooprt as one of the biggest douchebags imaginable. On top of all this, the guy tried to weave this plotless showcase of felines into a cohesive narrative, and tapped a bunch of talent of various degrees of questionability to play parts. And what was the result?

An absolute disaster. The film was savaged by critics, with most positives being that the film was so bad it’s good. The film (of course) won a bunch of Razzies, and was the subject of mockery and memes before, after, and during its run in theaters. Hell, as soon as the trailer dropped, the film was mocked to death. Not helping was the rushed VFX which, again, was due to the team being under pressure from a draconian idiot who had no idea what he was doing. The film received an unprecedented bug fix, so to speak, in the form of an updated version with slightly better VFX that was shipped to theaters after the initial negative reaction. This obviously did nothing to help the movie’s reputation, of course. Hell, even in my initial review, I wasn’t super keen on the film. Most damning of all, though, was Andrew Lloyd Webber himself calling the film ridiculous, and even said "The problem with the film was that Tom Hooper decided that he didn’t want anybody involved in it who was involved in the original show."

But after ruminating on it, and after watching the film once more, I’ve decided to ask the usual question: Is it really that bad? It’s weird to ask this about a film that’s so new; I usually wait for hindsight to kick in, and look at older films considered bad. But even now, Cats is building up a reputation as a campy cult classic, with such figures as Martin “LittleKuriboh” Billamy watching the film with alarming frequency. And after reading the nightmarish behind the scenes and considering everything… yeah, I think this film deserves a re-evaluation.

This is going to be a little different, though: I’m sort of going to go through the film part by part, since this film has an interesting issue where, generally speaking, the first half is where the worst problems are, and the second half is where things start to pick up. So let’s get the bad out of the way first, then move onto the good.

THE BAD

So, I’m actually not going to pick on the VFX too much, and not just because of the horrible treatment of the VFX artists. In all honesty, the weird human/cat people, while not even remotely as cool as the insane costumes of the stage show, eventually stop being super distracting and kind of just become something you accept. Like, I’m not gonna pretend like this work is amazing, but I dunno, I think it gets harped on too much. There is some stuff that stands out as noticeably bad, though, and we’ll get to that.

A consistent problem with the film that I can’t even try to defend is the problem with the scaling. It’s seriously hard to tell how big these cats are supposed to be in relation to anything else. They honestly seem to change size from scene to scene. It’s seriously weird and baffling and there’s never any way to get a good sense of scale. Even when the cats are alongside mice and roaches, it just boggles the mind what size anything is actually supposed to be.

Mr. Mistoffelees, one of the most flamboyant and enjoyable characters of the stage show, is one of the biggest character issues with the film. Gone is the tricky, confident magician who prances and dances, and here is a meek, sniveling twerp who can barely do anything without tripping over himself. This is because the actor who plays him had a terrible audition that left him miserable due to a lack of singing and dance background. So, rather than find someone who could, you know, sing and dance, they decided to rewrite Mr. Mistoffelees into comic relief, which is just an insulting slap in the face. The cherry on top of course is how they straightwash the character and excise his homoerotic tension with Rum Tum Tugger, instead making him completely and totally straight and giving him a thing for Victoria. Out of everyone in the entire film, they did Mr. Mistoffelees the dirtiest.

Now, let’s get onto the actual “plot.” The film actually starts out fairly well, with some cool shots, good dancing, and some setup for Macavity, whose intro has a neat little nod to the fact he’s based on Moriarty. The issues don’t really start showing up until we reach the first of the Jellicle choices… Jennyanydots.

Jennyanydots is portrayed by Rebel Wilson, which is the first issue. Rebel Wilson is probably one of the worst actresses ever. She is just a horrendously, relentlessly unfunny human being, and she brings that exact quality to her role here. For her song, the vocal talent is secondary to the cringeworthy comedy Wilson puts on display. And yet, somehow, Wilson isn’t the worst part of the scene. No, that would be the horrendous CGI human-faced mice and roaches, which look like they came out of a PS3 game.

This horrendous spectacle is followed up with the appearance of Rum Tum Tugger, portrayed by Jason Derulo. I’m of two minds about this. On the one hand, I do think Derulo has the necessary egotistical celebrity swagger to play Rum Tum Tugger (especially when you consider he responded to negative criticisms of the film by calling the movie  “one of the greatest pieces of art ever made”) and his design is actually one of the better ones in the film, but on the other hand, his singing and the musical choice for his song are not very impressive and really just doesn’t work all too well. It’s at least something of a step up from Rebel Wilson and her CGI abominations, but that’s not really saying much, is it?

Next up we have Bustopher Jones, played by James Corden and, if I’m being totally honest… he’s not quite as awful as he could be. Corden is basically the male equivalent to Rebel Wilson, but at least while he’s singing he manages to be somewhat amusing, whimsical, and enjoyable even. The problem comes when he throws in jokes, including one where he claims to be self-conscious about his weight… a joke that occurs in the middle of his song where he is bragging about how fat he is. Talk about sending mixed messages. I wish I didn’t have to be so harsh on Bustopher, but sadly he is bogged down by really bad shtick.

Bustopher Jones also highlights a problem with the cats in this first half. These minor roles – Jennyanydots, Rum Tum Tugger, and Bustopher Jones – are all being played by relatively big celebrities, and as such they’re going to want a lot of time to sing. As a result, songs that were ensemble numbers on stage become more one-man songs here, with Bustopher Jones being the most egregious example, turning this positive fat character into a walking James Corden fat joke as he sings his own praises rather than having his praises sung.

Following him up we have Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, who are usually fun characters with a fun little pseudo-villain song, but alas, they manage to screw that up by using a slow, jazzy version of the song originally used in earlier London productions rather than the more up-tempo version from later productions, making the song sound awkward and forgettable. Topping it all off is the bargain bin Mr. M popping in at the end for some wacky shenanigans, but at this point, the movie takes a turn towards…

THE GOOD

So as soon as Dame Judi Dench shows up as Old Deuteronomy, the film gets a sort of inverse of what happened at the start. Where the film starts somewhat awkward and promising, it slowly gets stupider and stupider when Rebel Wilson, Jason Derulo, and James Corden botch their scenes in the ways described above. Here, things start a bit shaky and unsure, but Dench is a sign things are about to pick up. What makes her so enjoyable is how, despite how utterly silly things are, she treats her role with the dignity and gravitas of something out of Shakespeare. The only thing as good as an actor in a silly movie like this going full-on ham and cheese is an actor treating their role dead serious and injecting it with such class and dignity you can’t help but enjoy it. Thankfully, Dench isn’t the only person to take her role seriously.

Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella technically appears briefly in the earlier portions of the film, but here we get to hear her belt out “Memory,” and by god does she do a fantastic job. The raw emotion and passion she injects into Grizabella is phenomenal, and it’s even more powerful when it comes back for its reprise in the finale. Victoria gets a sort of response song to “Memory,” called “Beautiful Ghosts,” and it’s a decent song in its own right, but you can tell it was a more modern composition and it just doesn’t gel super well with the rest of the songs. Still, all this is good stuff, and the “Memory”/”Beautiful Ghosts” scene is a nice, refreshing bit of emotion after the incredibly weird and silly extended dance number that is the Jellicle Ball.

The movie doesn’t stop pulling punches; shortly after Grizabella we are given Gus the theater cat, an elderly actor whose number is all about reminiscing of the old days of theater and his many stellar roles from days gone by. Naturally, the only actor who could possibly perform this role properly is Sir Ian McKellan. I am completely unironic when I say this: This is to McKellan what Patrick Stewart’s performance of Xavier in Logan is. This sounds ridiculous, but think of it: Gus is an aging thespian, clearly a bit senile and desiring to be reborn because he has reached the end of the line, and McKellan fills him with this genuine, incredibly honest performance that really makes you feel emotional. It’s powerful. It feels so personal and resonant, like McKellan has inserted some of his own feelings into his performance, which may very well be the case. Oh, and after his song Macavity kidnaps him with a big autograph book and apparates away while saying his name, which gets me every time.

And now, my friends, the lord and savior arrives: Skimbleshanks.

This is, hands down, the best scene in the entire film. Everything comes together here: the music is absolutely fantastic, the dancing is choreographed extremely well, and it’s clear that everyone involved is having a blast. This is a concentrated essence of what Cats should be, and it’s really a shame Hooper didn’t understand that this is the energy needed for the entire production. The most crucial element, of course, is Steven McRae, who not only has a lovely singing voice and looks dapper as all hell in his red suspenders, but is a tap dancing maniac. This man has feet of fire, and his tapping adds a whole new layer of fun to the song. Overall, this is a perfect scene, and probably one of my favorite scenes in any film ever. For a brief four minutes, everything about this film works. I literally have no idea why this cat wants to be reincarnated, he is straight balling in this life.

But the hits don’t stop! Right after this song, Taylor Swift descends from the ceiling, and we get “Macavity.” In the stage productions, this is a song sung by Bombalurina to describe how nasty Macavity is, since she’s traditionally a good cat; here, she’s reimagined as a villain, and so this song is basically her acting as Macavity’s hype man, singing his dastardly praises, and best of all, Macavity joins in at the end! I’m certainly not a Taylor Swift fan, but she really kills it here, and definitely makes this one of the best songs in the movie with her hilariously forced accent and insane energy. It’s just a shame that from here on out Macavity ditches his villainous pimp coat and is now a nude Idris Elba, but I suppose this is equivalent exchange for Skimbleshanks being so amazing.

While not as incredible as the previous two songs and not quite as good as the stage version due to the removal of the latent homoeroticism, Mr. Mistoffelees’s song is actually okay. It’s nice that he gets to sing his own praises here, but it’s just nothing compared to the stage version, even if it has a fun little finale and it actually is genuinely heartwarming when Old Deuteronomy returns and sings along. It’s a sweet moment that almost makes up for how much Mr. M has sucked the whole movie. Oh, also, all of the Jellicle choices Macavity kidnapped fight back against their captor Growltiger, with Skimbleshanks aggressively tapdancing at him and Gus using his acting skills to make him fall into the Thames. This is so goofy that it wraps back around to being awesome.

The movie winds down in the goofiest way possible after the gorgeous reprise of “Memory,” with Macavity being caught on a big sculpture and apparently running out of magic, leaving him stranded like a regular cat. Then we get one final fourth-wall breaking song where Judi Dench directly addresses the camera that has the music swell up to the point where it seems like the song is ending numerous times without actually ending, and each time is funnier than the last. Really, what better way could you end such a silly film than with this?

Now, a general thing that’s great about the film is the choreography. The dancing in the movie is spectacular. I don’t really have a bad thing to say about it. And, in a broad sense, the music is good too, even if the singers aren’t always perfect, the backing tracks are great, and there’s a lot of fun in the tracks in the latter half of the movie. McRae and Taylor Swift’s contributions in particular are great, and Hudson’s version of “Memory” is incredibly powerful, as is McKellan’s take on Gus’ song.

Is It Really THAT Bad?

No.

Look, it’s hard to be like “Wow this is a fantastic masterpiece of film” or anything like that, because the movie has blatant and evident problems. But this is literally the reason I made this review series; I’m asking if the movie is really as bad as people say, and in this case, no, there’s too much genuinely enjoyable in the film for me to say it’s deserving of several Razzies and a spot on the Bottom 100 of IMDB that places it above Master of Disguise and The Emoji Movie. Like, seriously? This is worse than the 90 minute commercial starring the abusive dick who called a bomb threat on his girlfriend? Hell, this movie is rated worse than Artemis Fowl, which is definitely a contender for the worst film ever made (and amusingly enough also features Judi Dench in it). Artemis Fowl has next to no redeeming qualities in it, and it certainly doesn’t have Skimbleshanks, whereas Cats has several fun scenes and also has Skimbleshanks.

I definitely think there’s more of an argument for this film being so bad it’s good or camp at best, but it’s definitely more enjoyable than you’d think it would be. If you can learn to live with the weird CGI, it’s a fun, goofy romp that you might find yourself feeling for at times. After my second watch, I have to say… I’ve started to unironically enjoy this movie. It might even be one of my favorites of all time. I can’t even deny that it has a lot of stuff I don’t like, and it falls flat in a lot of ways the 1998 film soars, and it screwed up some of my favorite characters… but there are so many moments where the fun and heart of Cats shines through brighter than it has any right to, and all the failures of Hooper and Universal seem distant for a just a few minutes.

So yeah, is this movie good all around? No way. But is it fun, does it have value, and is there more redeeming qualities than the critics let on? Oh yes there is.

[frasier-crane-style]

Terminator: Dark Fate

I have no idea how TSCC came up with two seasons’ worth of innovative scenarios about Terminators and these cinematic universe motherfuckers can only redo T2 with more CGI.

This movie is plotless. It has no real plot. It’s like Now That’s What I Call A Terminator Movie! There are so many callbacks and borrowings from all the other Terminator movies that it passes the point of homage and just becomes plagiarism. The bad Terminator is the same as the T-X, metal endoskeleton with a T-1000 shell. They kill him with a Terminator power core. They say Come With Me If You Want To Live and I’ll Be Back (twice! It’s the first thing Sarah Connor says and it makes no sense in context, it’s just something people say in Terminator movies). In fact, it has anti-plot, since it undoes a lot of the story developments in Terminator and T2.

The premise is basically just we’re going to remake Terminator 1, but people don’t like reboots, so we’re going to bring back Linda Hamilton and make it a technically kinda sorta sequel (sure, Skynet was wiped from existence, but another, completely different, yet exactly the same AI called Legion was created and did the exact same thing. Which also happened in T3, but they had the decency to still call it Skynet). But otherwise, it’s entirely people being chased by an evil robot from the future and trying to destroy it. 

That’s it. That’s all there is to it. T2 had the whole thing about preventing Judgment Day before it happened. T3 had Judgment Day actually happen. This one, nothing. There is nothing going on under the surface other than a bunch of action sequences and explosions. Even T3 got some mileage out of the idea that Judgment Day was inevitable. Here, our cast learns that Judgment Day was already ‘averted’ once slash that it’s destined to be repeated and they basically go “Eh. Figures.” I’m not kidding.

Wait, that’s not fair. Let’s count out the TWEEESTS.

1. In a very contrived way, the script waits an hour and a half to actually explain why heroine Dani has been targeted for termination--you know, the thing Kyle Reese explained to Sarah Connor the moment they were out of danger--all to set up this big ‘reveal’ that Dani isn’t the NuSarah, she’s the NuJohn (yes, they actually say this aloud, just so you soup sandwich motherfuckers in the audience get it). Hear that, neckbeards, John Connor is now a woman! And Mexican! And she’s got a bit of a gay vibe, because it’s 2019 and God forbid we have a heroine that isn’t a bit bicurious. If she has a cock and balls, my bingo card will be a winner.

2. Months after killing John Connor and thus completing his mission, an Arnold-model Terminator started a family (wow, that was quick) and learned the value of human life and eventually switched sides. This is a crazy new idea that also happened in Terminator: Genebissss, so it’s done and dusted in ten minutes, even though Arnold is the most engaging character. (He’s saddled with a lot of yuk lines about how he’s a comically serious Terminator, yet (teehee) works as an interior decorator, but at least he has a personality.)

3. The other good Terminator is Grace, who needs meds to keep up her cyborg strength or she’ll crash (this never affects the plot) (it’s like they read something about Rey Palpatine having no flaws and so they decided to give Grace the ‘flaw’ of literally having her own Kryptonite). She’s not a Terminator, she’s an augmented human, which means she can make MCU-style wisecracks every five minutes. (”I didn’t hear anything.” “That’s because you’re not a cybernetic super soldier from the future.” Actual dialogue.)

4. Linda Hamilton is back, baby! Yes, that’s right, they dragged her away from doing guest spots on Lost Girl! Can you believe???? She’s become a Terminator hunter that ambushes Terminators as they come back from the future and destroys them, because Skynet was both able to send back an infinite number of Terminators AND because now they can easily be destroyed by one five-hundred-year-old woman. 

This makes it a bit confusing why they have so much trouble taking out Ghost Rider, given that he’s a T-1000 skin with a creamy T-800 center. It seems like if you hammer him enough, he’s got no endoskeleton, and that’s all she wrote. That’s what happened to the T-X. Can his liquid metal skin just walk around without the other half of him? If so, what’s the point of the endoskeleton? The T-1000 managed without it and that seemed a lot harder to kill. At one point, Sarah hits the bare endoskeleton with a bazooka, which seems like it should’ve been a mortal blow, but it’s the first act, so I guess not.

And is it supposed to be funny that the opening takes place in a car factory where (in 2019!) the human workers are losing their assembly line jobs to machines? Because they’re all Mexicans? None of them ever look at a Terminator and go THEY TOOK OUR JOBS, but man, that one is all teed up for the Rifftrax boys.

For a movie with, as I said, no plot, it’s very rushed. They seem to be saying “yeah, it’s a dumb Terminator movie, you know the score,” (even tho it’s halfway aimed at people who aren’t Terminator fans; more on that in a minute) because it seems to take all of ten minutes for both good guys and bad guys to find Dani and start getting into CGI stunt double fights, which means the story has very little time to breathe and we have very little time to get to know any of the characters. The bad guy spawns practically at Dani’s front door! And pretty much does everything by massacring a bunch of people and then hacking a computer. The T-1000 had some intelligence, some charisma. This guy’s a big nothing.

And the Dani character is useless. She starts the story already super assertive, is barely traumatized at all by her loved ones being killed and her own life being endangered. There’s none of that relatable feel of an everyman suddenly being told they have a grand destiny and an incredible responsibility, because right from the start she’s standing up to her mean boss and doing the Nevertheless She Persisted thing. And all this while being literally five feet tall and looking all of twelve years old. 

I love these Spy Kids movies.

And at least the original two movies were smart enough to leave the future John Connor mostly to the imagination. This one actually shows us Dani as grizzled military badass, beating up guys and delivering inspiring speeches (would it surprise you to know that humans fighting among each other “is exactly what Legion wants”?), and it’s just--oh man. If ever a political leader is enough to make people think back to the good old days of Trump and Biden...

And if we’re going to talk shit (rightfully) about Jai Courtney’s Kyle Reese not being at all scruffy or traumatized or feral, it should be noted that Grace seems pretty well-adjusted for a post-apocalyptic guerrilla fighter (who all wear Starship Trooper uniforms). Aside from a tendency to smash the face in of everyone she comes across, whether they’ve done anything to deserve it or not (Sample dialogue, to a doctor who is looking at her X-rays after performing life-saving surgery on her: “Did I give you permission to look at my private parts?” SMASH. No, really!)

They really go all in on this cringey, woke af “You’re not the mother of some MAN, Dani. YOU ARE THE FUTURE!” And yet, there’s a hilarious amount of toxic masculinity in this movie, just without the dongs. About every other line Sarah and Grace have is generic tough guy bullshit about how they’re going to kick someone’s ass, how they’re suspicious of someone, how they’re hostile towards someone. If they had dongs, you would think they were the smallest dongs possible, because they are compensating for something, BIG TIME. Between the T-800 and Sarah and Grace, everyone in this movie seems to outright hate each other, to the point that Arnold’s killer cyborg is one of the more pleasant characters. It gets to where you just want someone to order a fucking decaf. Does the fact that Sarah Connor has a vagina keep it from being ridiculously over the top how she spends all her time either blowing up robots or drinking herself into a stupor? C’mon. You can’t complain about male characters having ‘man-pain’ then give Bad Grandma a pass over her ovaries.

And that’s it. It’s a Brundlefly shit between yet another dumb girlpower reboot for the people who’ve never seen a Terminator movie and a sequel with Sarah and Uncle Bob to try and get that last drop of blood outta this stone. They’re trying to make something that appeals to both people for whom this is their first Terminator and people for whom this is their latest Terminator and it just doesn’t work. The newbies don’t have any emotional investment in these characters and the Terminator fans don’t like it that all the old movies were rendered meaningless to prop up Grace and Dani.

Hilariously enough, I actually played Terminator: Resistance recently, which is a fun little mid-tier shooter that was meant to tie in to this movie... and it completely ignores all the Dani/Grace/Legion BS to take place in John Connor’s future war and tie in to the first two movies. That’s how forgettable this movie is. Its own damn video game adaptation pretends it doesn’t exist. Fuuuck.

Oh! Oh! Oh! And in that big, bad, sexist original Terminator, which was so unwoke and problematic, Sarah saved herself and finished off the Terminator herself. Here, Dani has to be saved by Arnold at the climax. The 35-year-old movie is more feminist than this one. Fuck you very much.

[sundaynightnovels]

11/11/11

so i’ve been tagged by @kidsarentallwrite​ for this one, and @a-ray-of-moonshine​ , so i’ll be answering both here! thank you so much for thinking of me! <3  What song makes your OC go absolutely, batshit feral? okay i really don’t know the answer to this one, but hmmmm let me think . i think that zhen’s the sort to sing songs loudly and obnoxiously just to be an annoying ass and lu’d join her, and then yu(f) would be really mega pissed because she’s right in the next room trying to do some work when these two tone-deaf idiots are screeching their lungs out in the kitchen so yes, zhen & lu’s singing would make yu(f) go absolutely feral. anything they sing.  i think the OTHER yu(m) would go absolutely feral when jun, being a lil piece of shit who likes to get on his nerves, sings songs about rain. because yknow, yu(m)’s name means rain. right now the song i’m thinking of is jay chou’s 听见下雨的声音 (which means, listen to the sound of rain falling) and jun would sing it whenever yu(m) tries to say something because of, yknow, the title. and then blatantly ignore whatever yu(m)’s trying to say. so yes, the two yu(s) lead very sad lives. please give them more love. (though i’d understand if you don’t, one is an Antisocial Edgelord and one is an Edgy Antisocial Lording Over Others . there’s a difference)  What would your OC go on an hours long rant about given the opportunity? for shou? anything. absolutely anything. off the top of my mind, the sun (i’ve mentioned this so many times, don’t even ask), names (names have meanings to him!! why is zhen called zhen and teng called teng? why is he called shou??? a lot of them don’t share in his sentiments but he has Very Strong Feelings about it) lu is about his sad existence as a little boy who is starving on the streets. he’d say it often in the kitchen, when zhen is preparing some food.  zhen would be about rising costs of living and capitalism and having to work when they’re dead and yu(f) being a loser who only wants to work and teng being a loser who can’t get any girls and about how life is meaningless and the only solace is sleep and jia would rant with her for the fun of it yu(f) would rant about zhen, yu(m) would rant about jun, teng would rant about love and loneliness and ren would run away. (yes that was a pun, if you got it please appreciate)  Do your OCs have tattoos? If not, would they ever get a tattoo? Why or why not? i think i’ve answered this somewhere before??? not very sure . but yea anyway shou thinks it’s blasphemous but he would also consider one, zhen can’t be bothered, lu is a little kid WHAT ARE YOU ASKING FROM HIM teng is deathly afraid of the pain and it’s plainly obvious, jun isn’t scared of the pain but can’t be bothered either but also might already have one, you never know, yu(f) thinks it’s a waste of money, yu(m)... i feel like he might have one, not sure why. jia probably has one, some nice gorgeous insta-worthy one on her collarbone or on her back.  ren probably has one but he keeps it hidden and no one knows about it.  You bump into your OC on the street unexpectedly. How do you react? oh no. which one? if i catch shou in a distracted mood, i probably can get away without him yammering in my ears.  if it’s zhen, i’ll probably get sued for something and she’ll try to extort something from me. probably the bubble tea in my hands, or the money in my wallet. probably.  for lu he’d extort food. even if it’s in my stomach. yu(f) would be the one who bumps into me and continues marching off because she is a busy woman and ain’t got time for this.  ren would probably apologise and yknow, be a normal, nice human being. yu(m) would just stare and maybe walk away, but he looks fierce so it probs looks like he’s glaring and i’ll be scared shitless. or be pissed, depends on my mood. teng would apologise a lot a lot and offer to get my things (even if i hadn’t dropped them) and be a sputtering mess because unfortunately i am Woman and he cannot deal jun would ignore probably. depending on his mood, might make some cryptic comment that’s slightly disturbing. or he’d be really charming . who knows? jia would also probably react like a normal human being. not the nicest, but normal anyway. Which vines best describe your OCs? i am a failure and i don’t really know vines If your WIP is ever adapted into another form of media, what form would you like? Film, television, comic, podcast? Any others? sitcom, probably. also considering the amount of talking they do, maybe podcast. definitely not film. there’s no plot here. maybe theatre, just for fun. What is your favourite part about writing? what are you talking about?? Is you got to have a conversation with your favourite author, what would you talk about? the only author i can think of now is rick riordan and i’d talk about how i appreciate that he’s just doing what he wants and making it fun for him and diversity and lame humour and stupid characters and all that crap Have any writing habits or quirks? don’t write enough to have some. HAHA just kidding i have many many run-on sentences but i need them for RHYTHM and BEAT and FEELING you know???? long sentences are my jam and they help create music structure in writing do NOT TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME also use oxford commas. sue me. What do you prefer: dialogue or action? stupid banter-ish dialogue. evocative atmospheric-ish contemplation and inner musings no one acts. Who is the first Writeblr you followed? Do you remember why you followed them? i really don’t know! sorry! --

1. Is there a trope you never get tired of? characters who share One brain cell. family.  long rambling stories that go nowhere really bad humour yes some of these are not tropes, i am aware.

2. Who is your least favorite character in your WIP? Why? gasps!!!  okay so let’s go down the list, i hate shou because he’s annoying as hell and he talks so much he himself gives 4k worth of dialogue in a single chapter, i hate zhen because she doesn’t do or admit to anything and trying to figure her out is like trying to get a worm to walk on two feet, i hate lu because he only talks about food and be a dirty lil kid, i hate ren because he is too nice and doesn’t think for himself, i hate teng because he gets easily bullied and he also talks too much for no damn reason, i hate jun because he keeps himself too deep and it’s impossible to get him to do anything serious, i hate yu(f) because she only works and literally there’s nothing to describe in her boring one bedroom can she get out of her room already, i hate yu(m) because i still don’t know him well enough after all these months, i hate jia because somehow i keep forgetting her in these tag games even though her presence is Big in the wip  yup there you go. they’re all my least favourite. 

3. Let’s say I’m planning to visit the setting of your WIP for a weekend. What should I take with me? What are the most important things for me to know beforehand? Which of your characters should I ask to be my guide? uh. i’d just say Don’t.  don’t visit. it’s not a good thing, you can’t choose to visit anyway, you can’t take anything with you because yknow, well there’s this little chinese saying i kinda abide by for this wip and i’m lazy to type it out now but it was in my previous chinese mytho au drabble so yea  also. guide????? maybe the safest might be ren, but also not really. hm. if you want an enthusiastic little puppy, choose shou. but he might talk your ears off and annoy you so you know, pick your poison 4.Beginning, middle, or end—which is the hardest for you as a writer?

middle

5. Which is more inspiring for you: music or visual art?

music!

6. Do you have any other creative interests and hobbies besides writing?

lol i have no interests okay really. hm. i used to draw a little bit but i’ve stopped, used to play piano but i’ve stopped, used to play cello but i’ve stopped.  so yea, really, nothing much. 

7. How close is your WIP now to what you were expecting it to be when you just started?

i’ve finished the first draft since the start of the year, which is great and i totally didn’t expect it! .... am barely into the second draft though, so that’s a bummer. you see, this is why sometimes you shouldn’t get achievements. once that one milestone is reached you just lie down there at the rest stop and never get up. 

8. What are your plans for when you finish your WIP? Traditional publishing? Indie publishing? Putting it online for others to read for free?

traditional probs, because i don’t trust myself enough to do it on my own and i have little visual sensibilities so the cover would be hella ugly. also like, not even sure if traditional publishers would want my odd little plotless thing, but yknow, i like it. 

9. Your MC is here. On your doorstep. Planning to spend the day with you. Oh, and they know you’re the author responsible for everything that’s going on in the story right now. Are you expecting it to be a nice conversation, or do you maybe want to run and hide? :D

thank god i consider my MC to be shou instead of zhen. oh yea he’ll have lots of questions and he’ll poke at my brains a lot and he’d be hella noisy and also he’ll be sweating a lot because of his clothes and long hair, but still thank god it’s shou for the rest of them, i’d run and hide in the bottom of the ocean.

10. Name a song that could be your villain’s personal anthem.

eh. there’s no villain. if you consider the author to be the villain though hMMM i have favourite songs but no personal anthems, sorry

11. Is there anything you would never, ever write a story about, even if you were offered a large sum of money to do so?

eh. probs something like a law drama-ish thing. too many long words and complex jargon, not my kinda thing.

>> i’ll be tagging @coffehousecreations @bookenders @aslanwrites @rktho-writes @bahay-kubo @aloonycynic @arte-muse @elliswriting @mvcreates @inkpot-dreamer @dc-writes and here are my questions (which i think are pretty interesting heh feel free to do it and tag me even if i haven’t tagged you for it!) 1) your wip is now set in percy jackson’s world (if you don’t know, it’s just a bunch of monsters from greek mythologies chasing after young kids who have powers. we’re assuming your OCs are all demigods here, so they have powers and are being chased). who would be the one flailing and crying for help? who would be the one standing in front and thinking of a solution? who would be the first one eaten and who would be the one to survive till they reach camp?  2) after barely escaping percy jackson’s world, they’re now thrown into harry potter. the dementors are everywhere. what are the bad memories that these dementors draw from your OCs? how do they react to it? (don’t worry, they’re saved before being given the kiss. somehow.) 3) they’re now plopped into the good place. who is in the good place, and who is in the bad place? (for those who don’t watch the show, well. i think this naming speaks for itself) 4) ah, bummer. some misfiling of paperwork from the higher-ups, sorry. your OCs are once again alive and kicking, but then things happen again and well, they’re in marvel and the Snap has just happened (i.e., people have suddenly disappeared into dust after an event and no one knows what happened to them). assuming individual scenarios for your OCs where each of them are the only one left in the group, how would they react and what are their coping mechanisms? 5) and then the Blip happens and everyone is back, after five years! hurray! once again, assuming individual scenarios for your OCs where each of them are the only one left in the group, and then everyone suddenly returns like nothing’s happened, how would they then react to this change of scenario? how do they adapt? 6) all is well for a while, until The Fire Nation Attacked. who runs away and hides in isolation? who joins the colonising forces? who attempts a rebellion? who concedes defeat and lets the enemies in? 7) alright, now let’s give your OCs a break. they’re back in school and it’s high school musical! which typical high school cliques are each of them in and why? 8) now we’re in deadpool and it’s time to break the 4th wall and change the focus to: the author. what kind of jokes / things do you want to include in your wip but can’t seem to, maybe because of genre restrictions or age restrictions or it just, well, doesn’t fit? (ryan reynolds would say to include it all anyway, but yknow, that’s because he has money) 9) following the ryan reynolds thread, what is the one most indulgent thing you’ve done in your writing / would do in your writing?  10) who is your favourite friends member and why? (this is important okay? to those who haven’t watched friends... i can’t really give you much of an explanation for this one and more importantly -- why??) 11) this is the end! what is the stupidest thing you’ve done in your / with regards to your writing? it can literally be anything -- a stupid spelling mistake, gaping plot hole, printing it out for a friend to read and missing a page, you can really go crazy with your answer here. okay thanks for reading this massive chunk of text and good day everyone!

[tiffersthenerdyficrecs]

TodoDeku Fluff Fics

(*) Indicates my most suggested reads.

Read Between the Lines by CrzA(Prequel to Read and Replied)

Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku & Uraraka Ochako, Iida Tenya & Midoriya Izuku Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Iida Tenya, Uraraka Ochako, Asui Tsuyu, Kayama Nemuri | Midnight Additional Tags: Fic Exchange, One Shot, Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Alternate Universe - College/University, College, Fluff, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Crack, Confessions, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Love Letters Summary: Throughout his first year of college, Izuku finds out a lot about himself. One of those things is that he is very, extremely, hopelessly gay for pretty boys with damn near impossible full heterochromia. And his plans to confess to his crush may just go a little awry

Read and Replied by tiffersthenerdy(Sequel to Read Between the Lines)

Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: Fic Exchange, One Shot, Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Confessions, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Love Letters Summary: Todoroki Shouto just can't seem to get comfortable enough to do the things that really matter most. It's all because of one Midoriya Izuku who just won't budge out of his mind or his heart.

Specks of Goodness by CrzA

Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Shuuzenji Chiyo | Recovery Girl Additional Tags: One Shot, Drabble, Short, Short One Shot, Short & Sweet, Fluff, Midoriya Izuku Has a Quirk, Freckles Summary: After the Sports' Festival, Izuku discovers he apparently had a quirk all along.

when fairy lights take over by yukinatsu (GubraithianFire)

Rating: General Audiences Relationship: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto Characters: Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Rei, Yaoyorozu Momo, Iida Tenya, Uraraka Ochako Additional Tags: Getting Together, Todoroki Shouto is Bad at Feelings, Healthy Relationships, Midoriya Izuku is a Ray of Sunshine, Boys In Love, Love, 1A giving love advice, todoroki rei best mom award, Crushes, Self-Discovery, Midoriya Izuku is a Good Friend Summary: Todoroki's mom suggests Shouto might like Midoriya as more than a friend. So he embarks on a journey between his own feelings for said boy, his experience with 'healthy' relationships and his sense of guilt towards his mother.

How to make a Shouto squirm by CrzA

Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Fluff, Tickling, Cute, No Plot/Plotless, One Shot, Short One Shot, Short & Sweet, Laughter, Happy, Midoriya is kind of scary if he gets to plotting, Self-Discovery, kind of, Todoroki is uncharacteristically ticklish, Lots of poking and prodding, Adorable, Gay, like very gay, Without any actual gay stuff going on, Pre-Relationship Summary: It was an accident really. It’s not like he was actively trying to pry any secrets out of his friend, how was he supposed to know? All Midoriya was trying to do was get Todoroki’s attention when they were in his dorm room studying. Granted he could’ve gone for a tap on his shoulder, or maybe even his arm but how was he supposed to predict this reaction?

Or Midoriya finds out Todoroki is ridiculously ticklish and has fun taking advantage of this knowledge.

baby, you can tell me anyting by thedisastergay

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Iida Tenya Additional Tags: Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Awkward Conversations, Cute Midoriya Izuku, Cute Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku is Bad at Feelings, tododeku go on a lunch date, Izuku is an anxious mess, they talk about past bullying, Todoroki Shouto is a Sweetheart, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Bullying Summary: Sure enough, no Iida for lunch was written on Izuku's calendar right next to grow a pair and ask Todo to lunch.

OR Izuku and Shouto share a lunch date. He hadn't planned on having a heart-to-heart about his past in elementary and middle school.

Internet Friends are Real Friends by Wolfkeeper989*

Rating: Not Rated Relationship: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Todoroki Natsuo, Todoroki Fuyumi Additional Tags: Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Social Media, First Meetings, New Friends, Hard of Hearing, Hard of Hearing Todoroki Shouto, Deaf Character, Deaf Todoroki Shouto, Alternate Universe - No Quirks (My Hero Academia), Choking Summary: Todoroki Shouto usually didn't do socializing. His father never let him leave the house, preferring to keep his disappointing youngest at home. Being deaf since birth didn't help, either. But when he joins an RP server on Unplug for a comic he likes, he ends up meeting a semi-famous theorist that becomes a good friend. But when he asks for Shouto to video chat with him, Shouto is forced to either reveal his hidden disability and hope for the best or refuse... both choices come with a chance that he my lose his first and only friend.

Did I Say That Out Loud? by APShipping (AnActualCryptid)(Updating/Incomplete)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationship: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto Characters: Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Kaminari Denki, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia) Additional Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Accidental Quirk Usage, Shinsou Hitoshi Replaces Mineta Minoru, Canon-Typical Violence, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Mutual Pining, Todoroki Shouto is Bad at Feelings, Don't copy to another site Summary: Third years Todoroki and Midoriya are given a chance to intern at one of the top thirty hero agencies around Japan. Slowly running out of options they decide to intern with Todoroki's father Endeavor. While on patrol Todoroki gets hit with a truth quirk and ends up saying some things he's been suppressing.

Alternatively: The time Todoroki got hit with truth quirk and the five times he spilled the beans, plus the one time he spilled the wrong beans to the right person.

Meaningful gifts are hard, okay? by bewareofbabyjakey

Rating: General Audiences Relationship: Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Shouto Additional Tags: Fluff, pure fluff, Sappiness included Summary: Todoroki knows that gifts are a must for a first date, and he means well, but uh. When is enough, enough?

[victuuri-victory]

Top 10 Yuri Manga Without A School Setting

edit: removed the “keep reading” line, because it cuts off the post when people reblog it, at least when on mobile

There’s a certain formula for producing bad yuri manga- default highschool setting (+1 if it’s all-girls and all-girls somehow equals all-gay), a unhealthy relationship dynamic, unrealistic-but-stock characters (the shy protagonist and the perfect student council president), strict gender roles of butch x femme, males are never present, you get the idea. There’s lots of great yuri out there that takes place in highschool, but I’ll admit that the saturation of bad stuff has tainted my view of the setting. 

That said, regardless of your views on yuri’s default setting, here’s the Top 10 Yuri Manga with a fresh change of scenery!

10. Gouhou Yuri Fuufu Hon

On some days, we just don’t have it in us for serious, literary stuff. I want this list to include cute and relaxing sugary stuff too, and Gouhou Yuuri Fuufu Hon fits right in. 

I might have a soft spot for moe art, but Hachishiro makes the sickest covers, I’m not even kidding. 

Set in a sort-of-fantasy world where same-sex marriage is accepted and animals ears are a thing, Haru is a shy, younger girl who is married off to Sensei, a novelist oblivious to Haru’s uncertainties on how to be Sensei’s wife. Yes the dynamic is a little stock. You might realize the part on arranged marriage is kinda problematic, but this is a not-serious moe manga that doesn’t go there. It’s nothing mindblowing, and it’s not got much of a plot, but it’s a fluffy and enjoyable slice-of-life piece on marriage and domestic stuff.

The art is cute af, and works very well to convey changes in their emotions.

9. Sweet Guilty Love Bites

Sweet Guilty Love Bites is about four cabaret hostesses who work at Club Rose. It’s separated into “Sweet Guilty” and “Guilty Love”.  In “Sweet Guilty”, Kirie returns from a bad night of hostessing, to discover Myata, a young woman sleeping in the streets near her house. In “Guilty Love”, Niina, a hostess and a single mother, has a one-night stand with Mayu, only to discover the next day that Mayu is the preschool teacher of her daughter. 

Despite the seriousness of what I just summarized, this is a light and fluffy manga with funny moments, and everything ends happily for our dear characters.Though sometimes, the manga struggles to shift from this lighthearted tone when addressing serious life issues that its characters face. 

The art is nothing stunning, but it’s decent and carries the plot just fine. 

8. Rock it, GiRL!!

Rock it, GiRL!! is about a street guitarist and vocalist, Kaname, who is approached by a talent agency to be part of a band. But Kaname is not an ambitous person and thinks little of her talents. Nevertheless, she decides to give a band a shot. She discovers, however, that a) the talent agency love her as a guitarist, but thinks lowly of her vocal ability, and b) the girl who will sing the songs in her place, is an arrogant tsundere, much in contrast to Kaname’s mopey, sappy self. Animosity develops between them, but they must rise above this personal drama as the show must go on. 

I have to say, the characters aren’t exactly sympathetic, but they’ve got real issues, they are offbeat, and are basically a fresh breath of air, away from the standard “sweet, nice, moe girls in a girl band” cliche. Plus the plot is wild, given the seemingly predictable premise. 

The art itself is simple, but in a weirdly cute and silly way. 

7. Murcielago

I would like to defend Murcielago’s presence on this list by saying that yes it is trash, HOWEVER, it is the kind of trash that nobody expects from the yuri genre.

Specifically, Murcielago is guilty-pleasure gore trash. It’s what we’ve seen played out again and again with a certain Western genre, but always with a male character depicted: violent movies centered on a loose-cannon anti-villain protagonist, who is tasked with being a criminal detective but who really does kill more people than the police are comfortable with. In the backdrop, some sort of vast conspiracy is brewing, where all the crimes that the detective solves, are actually linked together, and this whole conspiracy is somehow, quite self-aggrandizingly, all about this detective protagonist (we just don’t know how yet). 

Yes, that was weirdly specific, but we all know that’s an entire genre. 

In that sense, Murcielago is predictable, but it’s also very fun action-packed reading. Plus the gender and lesbian of its protagonist, is something quite unexpected, considering the “cute nice fluffiness” that characterizes most manga lesbians, and the male protags who dominate violent action comics for both manga and Western comics. 

You know she’s gonna be able to solve the crime, you know the Villain of the Week is gonna die, but there’s still a perverse excitement in finding out how she does it, and what ridiculous over-the-top crime features in the latest issue. 

Read beneath that surface, and Murcielago can be a little deeper than that. Our dear psycho-lesbian detective does spare people, and she justifies it by outwardly saying she spares “cute girls”, but that shallow explanation doesn’t hold water. She’s perfectly ok with mutilating and killing incompetent and immoral “cute girls”, which she has made no comment about. She’s specifically sparing a) completely moral “cute girls”, and hiring  b) dangerously competent, morally shadier “cute girls” as her proteges. In fact, when she meets a bomb prodigy, she has no qualms morally corrupting her from a) to b), because she really needs a demolitions expert. She’s secretly building a ruthless army, and we don’t yet know why.  

6. Lonely Wolf, Lonely Sheep

Lonely Wolf, Lonely Sheep involves the coincidential meeting of two girls who are coincidentially both named Imari, when their names are called in the hospital waiting room. Even more coincidentially, they are both there for left hand injuries. They declare their meeting one of Fate and the stars.

The dynamic is a little stock- we have the tall tomboyish landscaper “Big Imari”, contrasted with the petite girly artist “Little Imari”. But this short comic serves up more than just a plotless dose of sugary cute, the arc does turn serious. “Little Imari”’s injuries hide a dark secret, and the past is coming to claim her. 

5. Octave

Miyashita Yukino is a burnt-out pop idol- the industry is not what she thought it was, and she has no idea where to go with life from thereon. The people of her hometown do not welcome her, and believe she must have had to be a slut to get ahead as an idol. What really cuts deep in this manga, is the portrayal and young age of Yukino- the reality of the pop industry and the sacrifices she had make for her dream, such as dropping out of school, has aged her beyond her years. 

She then tries to make a living as a talent manager in Tokyo, but her life still seems devoid of purpose, she is drifting and still yearns for fame. During a regular trip to the nearby laundromat, she meets Setsuko, who is the sister of the laundromat’s owner. She finds some comfort in Setsuko’s company, but her problems do not disappear, and in fact the landromat is facing financial difficulties.

My main problems with Octave is that the characterization can be unsympathetic. Yukino is jaded, and certainly mature in some ways, but she is also emotionally childish- she can be exceedingly mopey, sometimes blames her problems on others, seeks external validation to an unhealthy extent, and generally creates unnecessary drama and conflict with Setsuko, who is emotionally flawed as well. Don’t get me wrong, characters should have flaws, but too much of it, and it rubs me up the wrong way and I kinda want to slap them. The plot also starts to slow rather than speed up as the manga progresses, which is just not to my taste. 

However, I would simply chalk those flaws up to the inconsistent quality of Octave, where the quality is high, the manga is amazing, the emotions, the issues and ennui from the characters and the atmosphere, can be quite intensely felt.

4. Gunjo

If you asked me what the manga embodiment of misery is, I might just point you to Gunjo. Gunjo tears your heart out, and then puts it back in for a split second, just so it can tear it out again. 

“It begins in the moments after a horrible crime has been committed. A woman has asked someone to kill her husband for her. She has asked someone she knows she can use – another woman, a lesbian, who has been in love with her since high school. The woman who requested the death is abusive, derisive. The woman who committed the crime is passive, almost apathetic. She flinches in the face of the other’s harsh words, but doesn’t fight back.” -(Okazu)

They then go on the run, but how far can they go before they’re caught? Does it make a difference that the cunning, abusive woman who has plotted the murder of her husband, was she herself horrifically abused by this man? Can something resembling love ever develop between two people so violent and broken?

Gunjo is amazing in its fan disservice. The murder succeeds because the killer seduces the man, and kills him while naked. But even in this scene, the violence and her disgust completely detracts from any sexual appeal of her nudity. Even in a kiss between the two main characters, their pain permeates.

My problem with Gunjo however, is specifically that the darkness never lets up. Perhaps it is my own sensitivity, but I found it very hard to complete it.

3. Pulse

It’s a full-color! I love full colors. Anyway, moving on, 

Pulse tells the story of Mei, a renowned heart surgeon who is also a cold-hearted playgirl. Lynn is a college student who needs a heart transplant, but she refuses to get one (the risks are high). When they meet, Mei feels a strange kind of pull towards Lynn, almost like she’s truly attracted for once in her life. As they grow closer, Lynn strikes a deal- if she can make Mei fall in love with her, she will get the surgery, but Mei has to be the one to do the surgery. Lynn trusts her.

The premise can create all sorts of problems, but that is surprisingly averted. Mei doesn’t pressure Lynn into sex, nor does she fake romantic attraction. Lynn doesn’t sacrifice for Mei. Basically, Mei is no asshole, she’s just uninterested in people, and Lynn is no pushover. Also, the art is mighty fine. 

2. Philosophia

Philosophia is about a college romance wherein the two anti-social, apathetic main characters, Ai and Tomo, bond over smokes and coffee. But these little things are not enough to exorcise their inner demons. As Ai starts to feel for Tomo, she becomes torn up over these emotions- her existing familial relationships are far from ideal, and that has fostered her inability to really understand love. Tomo is strange and disinterested, and it doesn’t seem likely that she will return Ai’s feelings. Furthermore, Tomo wants to leave the country, and the means by which she gets the money she needs, is best kept a secret. 

Philosophia has both realistic yet unique characters (they do not fall too far into “always mopey” or “always sweet and excitable”, a common problem even in this list), and also incorporates a series of sobering twists and turns.

1. Collectors

Nito Shinobu and Kanzaki Takako both love shopping. Shinobu collects books and Takako collects clothes. But as they move together, let’s just say there are spaaaaaace constraints. 

Collector is nothing grand or wild- this is the Happily Ever After, but Collector is important specifically for showing how life goes on, that it is comedic and fun and relatable. 

Yuri tends to face the opposite problem to Western LGBT material of the past. Older Western material is melodramatic and tragic, the gay identity of the couple is frequently mentioned and becomes a source of tragedy as they face persecution, which ultimately results in their suicide or murder. In yuri, the world is often isolated down to the couple- they have feelings for each other, but other characters rarely exist and if they do, these characters do not acknowledge the romance. “Lesbian” is never said, and talks of marriage are only meant as comedy. 

There has been a lot of praise for Yuri On Ice (which actually involves a male homosexual couple despite the title) for how the other characters are fleshed out too, for how they recognize and acknowledge the relationship between Viktor and Yuuri. There is a similar kind of realism going on in Collectors. There is a feeling of the world actually existing. 

Collectors gives attention to the tender moments, the little things, that make a relationship, instead of it all being grand kisses in front of everyone or a emotionally charged graduation speech. There is no feeling of such performance. Even the fights in Collectors are realistic, not the kind formed from wacky misunderstandings, and in fact the kind with a proper resolution and not where they leave, and then kiss and make up but the problem still exists. 

[chrisoncinema]

The Year in Review: 2017 Honorable Mentions

Originally this post was just going to list my top ten films of the year and provide a brief commentary on the honorable mentions that didn’t make the cut but I got carried away with the latter and wrote way too much. So here’s a holiday surprise: a full summation of my year at the movies for you to enjoy as I work on my top ten list.

2016 Addenda

Silence and Paterson were two 2016 films that I was only able to see in early 2017. Had I been able to view them when they were first released, both would have made my 2016 top ten list (which never got a proper post but is accessible via my twitter) and both would have vied for spots in my top three. I highly recommend that everyone watch both films. They are both challenging films in their own ways. Silence is emotionally exhausting; moments of shocking brutality and quiet delicacy abound. It’s an examination of faith worth mulling over regardless of your worldview or philosophy because, in the end, faith is an emanation of our basic humanity. Paterson is similar to Silence in its singular voice and vision. It is meandering, seemingly plotless, and deceptively simple, but sometimes one has to walk slowly in order to see clearly.

Films I Missed

As seen above, every year there are a number of films I am unable to see because I didn’t have time or it wasn’t playing in Michigan or I didn’t have the press credentials to get into a screening. This year, the most disappointing miss was Paul Thomas Anderson’s Phantom Threadwhich, apparently, didn’t make it to my local art theater. I’ve loved Anderson’s last three films (and enjoy his entire filmography, in varying degrees) and believe Phantom Thread would have made it onto my top ten list this year, had I been able to see it. Other films I missed this year, in no particular order, include: A Quiet Passion, The Post, Menashe, The Shape of Water, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, I Tonya, Menashe, Graduation, Manifesto, Dawson City: Frozen Time, Call My By Your Name, and The Square.

Honorable and Dishonorable Mentions

Despite missing a lot, I saw more films this year than I have in a long time. This meant that my top ten list was an enjoyable challenge and that a number of films, for a variety of reasons, didn’t make the cut. These are their stories…

Lemon was the worst movie that I saw this year – or, at the very least, it was the movie I disliked the most that I watched all the way through nonetheless. The anti-comedy antihero that Tim Heidecker played to cringey perfection in the weird and wonderful The Comedy should be hereby retired with Brett Gelman’s new film. I think Brett Gelman is a very funny comedian and his wife, Janicza Bravo, who directed Lemon has a unique enough directorial voice but, in a year of terrible men, we didn’t need this one. In a year of interesting commentary on race, we didn’t need this half-hearted, cynical, frustrating attempt.

Lemon

I swore off comic book movies years ago and have only watched DC movies out of morbid, masochistic curiosity (I did not see Wonder Woman or Justice League, for the record, and don’t plan on ever watching them). That said, the first superhero movie to pique my interest in years was Logan. I hadn’t seen an X-Men movie since First Class, which I found rather pointless, but, as a childhood fan of the X-Men comics, something about Logan seemed different. And indeed it was.

Logan works incredibly well as a neo-Western road movie that happens to feature mutated humans with superpowers. Hugh Jackman is probably the best actor to ever lead a comic book movie and here he finally has a movie that is worth his time. The three leads that form a quasi-familial unit in the form of Patrick Stewart, Jackman, and young breakout Dafne Keen, all perform incredibly well together and individually. The movie falters when it tries to introduce its villains and an action-y plotline. The dude with the Anakin Skywalker hand was sufficient, the evil doctor guy played by Richard E. Grant was introduced too late to matter, and the robo-Wolverine or whatever he was called was just kind of awkward and weird and dumb. Still, I was genuinely moved by the end of this movie – brought closer to tears by this movie than any comic book movie I’ve watched. It’s not a great film, but it’s a very good comic book movie. Count it among the few classics.

Another movie that I was surprisingly moved by was Okja. I felt like I had this film’s number from the start. Not that predictability is inherently negative, I just didn’t think I’d get that much out of it. But this movie is incredibly well-crafted. The performances from Jake Gyllenhaal and Tilda Swinton are so over the top that they actually work as caricatures of evil people. This movie feels like a live-action anime. It has the energy, the flow, and the colorful cast of characters. The message is simple and perhaps a bit obvious but it works. And while I will continue blaming it on the severe cold I had while watching the film, I did get choked up at the end. Also, Paul Dano continues to be a tragically underrated performer who needs to be cast in way more projects.

Okja

Okja was very good at world-building and, unsurprisingly, Blade Runner 2049 was great at it. I was wary of this film going in and didn’t even know if I’d ever watch it – tired as I am of reboots and unnecessary sequels. Much to my surprise, though, I was captivated by this movie when it was simply following Ryan Gosling’s K through his detective work and personal life. His relationship with his holographic girlfriend is as weird and sweet and inventive as Her. Denis Villeneuve is a director I’ve written about beforewhose work I enjoy – Arrival remains his best film. Roger Deakins, as widely reported, does great work as he always does in this film. Unfortunately, 2049decided to be a legacy act. The second half of the movie is bogged down in a plot that ties the film in with the original completely unnecessarily.

2049 falls apart when it dredges up old Harry Ford in his all-too-ordinary gray t-shirt. Is he playing Rick Deckard or is he someone’s aging stepdad? Credit where it’s due: Harrison Ford performs dutifully and effectively in this movie but 1: I can’t watch Harrison Ford in a movie anymore without it completely taking me out of the narrative (Oh look, it’s ancient curmudgeon Harrison Ford. Remember Indiana Jones?) and, more importantly, 2: there was no reason why this film needed to bring him back. As I said, there were so many interesting directions this film could have gone but, like The Force Awakens, it grinds to a halt so we can see Harrison Ford react to stuff related to a movie he was in a hundred years ago. Also, Jared Leto is a scenery-chewing nuisance who should not be cast in anything ever. My suggestion: if you didn’t see this movie in IMAX, just wait and watch the 90 minute version I’ll inevitably make in 2018.

And while Blade Runner and Star Wars provided science fiction fodder for franchise devotees, horror fans were treated to a vast array of unique offerings. A horror/drama that got a little over-hyped for me was Raw. As with most gross-out horror films, there were early reports of people passing out and throwing up in screenings. With that in mind, I prepared myself for something truly shocking and was, honestly, somewhat disappointed. The story centers on a college freshman who discovers she has a hunger for human flesh. It’s a fun film if you’re a fan of body horror but even so the scenes get rather formulaic. There’s some great, atmospheric stuff in this movie, including some solid cinematography, but the moments when something gross is about to happen are never a surprise. Raw's great failure is its ending which ties such a deliciously messy story together too neatly.

Raw

Another horror film that could be accused of receiving too much early hype was, of course, mother! This movie is incredibly effective as a comedy of manners. Darren Aronofsky does an amazing job of capturing the panic and confusion of actual nightmares where you know the people populating your dream should be able to hear and understand you but their blank, unresponsive stares simply add to the horror. I had no idea what mother!was actually about or where it was going while I watched it and I found myself disappointed in myself once I realized. The thing is, though, even when the film’s narrative fully commits to its pedestrian eschatology, it’s still churning out moments that are absolutely bonkers. The ways mother! doesn’t work might be more interesting than the ways it does (Javier Bardem and Michelle Pfeiffer are particularly effective; Jennifer Lawrence remains an amateurish performer) but…I kind of loved this film in all of its sadistic, messy glory.  

I really wanted mother! to make it into my top ten list simply because it felt so different. That is, until I saw another film about the dismantling of domesticity: The Killing of a Sacred Deer. I should state for the record that I was not a huge fan of Yorgos Lanthimos’s last film The Lobster. That film always felt a bit obvious and stunted to me – though I’m a big fan of both Colin Farrell and Rachel Weisz. Sacred Deer is a similar beast. The deadpan, monotone dialogue takes a lot of getting used to and I’m sure it’ll be a sticking point for a lot of viewers. It remains an interesting and puzzling choice by Lanthimos who seems to want to strip his films of melodramatic artifice while writing screenplays that contain the drama of Greek tragedies. 

Sacred Deer is a film that knows it’s weird, knows you think it’s weird, but also knows it’s weirdness is making you feel weird. If you can let yourself get into it, this is a pretty rewarding film reminiscent of The Shining (I know this is blasphemy but I actually like it more). Colin Farrell and Nicole Kidman both give incredibly performances with what is surely challenging material to work with. The film’s real star, though, is Dunkirk breakout Barry Keoghan. As his character grows more strange and sinister, he somehow becomes even more magnetic. Regardless of what you think of the movie, Keoghan is one of the best performers of the year.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

Of course, one cannot discuss the year’s horror films without mentioning Get Out. I have to admit I had trouble with this film for a number of months. I really struggled to see what everyone else was seeing in it. That is, until I watched Detroit. Both films are ostensibly horror flicks where the great evil is white power. Kathryn Bigelow’s film posits itself as a visceral work of journalism but beneath that facade, it’s clear she has nothing to say. Her camera is in a constant Paul Greengrass-esque tremor whether it’s a tense moment or not. Detroitis false immediacy. Detroit is torture porn. Get Out, on the other hand, has a voice and it came to make a statement. Get Out, like They Liveor Night of the Living Dead before it, is not high art. It is, for better or worse, a reaction to the sociopolitical milieu that surrounds it. Hopefully it will soon be considered the first of innumerable, blockbuster works by filmmakers of color that invades the cultural consciousness. For now, Get Out is a film that manages to be both scary and funny thanks to Jordan Peele’s vision and direction.

Logan Lucky and Baby Driver were two films by directors whose work I enjoy and admire immensely that just didn’t quite bring enough to the table to make it into a top ten list. Both films are self-assured, fun, and full of magnetic characters (save for the titular Baby) but they also seem to be exercises in style over substance. Still, I’d recommend both films in a heartbeat.

Another film that comes highly recommended by yours truly that seems to have been completely forgotten is The Red Turtle: an animated, nearly-wordless folk tale about nature, love, and letting go. The Red Turtle is refreshingly simple and unassuming – I’ve heard it described as a children’s film and, while a patient child may be able to sit through it, there’s a depth and maturity to the story that will speak to anyone who would stop to listen. Come for the animation, stay for the beautiful score and sound design.

The Red Turtle

Speaking of design, a couple films that look incredibly good are A Ghost Story and The Beguiled. Both films held spots in my top ten list but were knocked out. I really wanted to love A Ghost Story – I felt like I was really giving it my all – but about two thirds of the way through the film, it starts to preach about what it is and some of the mystery and nuance is lost. Visually, it remains one of the most interesting films of the year, but the story remains half-baked. The same could be said for Sofia Coppola’s new film. It features some of the best cinematography of the year and incredible performances from everyone involved. The aforementioned Colin Farrell and Nicole Kidman give it their all; Kirsten Dunst is strong as ever; and Elle Fanning continues to prove she is one of the great young actors working today. The film’s only real fault is its table manners. Reserved and cautious, when the film finally boils over, the room has already chilled.

I also saw The Florida Project this year. I have very little to say about it, apparently. As I’ve been putting it off through this whole post. I thought it was…fine. It’s good, not great. Willem Dafoe is very good in it. If you want to know how I feel about the ending, I’m in the camp that thought it completely undercut the emotional depth and complexity that the film was just about to reach.

So there you have it – my year at the movies, save for my upcoming top ten films of the year. As I said above, many of these films could have, or perhaps should have, been in my top ten list. And if you were to ask me in a few months, some of them might return. As these things go, art is subjective and fluid, but I’m very excited to share the films that I found the most engrossing and moving this year. Some will be obvious, but hopefully some will be new discoveries for you. Come back New Year’s Eve to find out!