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rezares · 5 years

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Reza Kasraoui-Müller Five* (8) Identities

*five identities he claims, two he doesn’t acknowledge, and one he is struggling to

Word Count: 1366

Father - In late 2009, an agreement was made between a sorcerer and a fairy, to conceive a child. The fairy and the sorcerer had slept together before, but were always nothing more than ‘allies with benefits.’ But the fairy wanted a child. A child, but not a husband. The sorcerer wanted neither but agreed to supply the other half of the DNA for the child. As the fairy’s pregnancy progressed, however, the sorcerer realized he couldn’t just have a child in this world and not be involved, so the arrangement was modified to be a co-parenting situation between two people that are not, never were, and would never be in love.

On August 27th, 2010, Sabiha Ibitsam Ghadir Basira bint Reza Kasraoui was born in Hammamet, Nabeul Governorate, Tunisia. Reza’s life revolved around her from the moment she took her first breath. Her mother, a fairy named Rafika, had to practically pry her from his arms to nurse her.

Sabiha is Reza’s greatest joy and he cannot imagine ever being separated from her again. To Reza, being a father - Sabiha’s father - is his whole reason for living. Before he is anything else, he is that wonderful little girl’s father.

Sorcerer/Magick - It’s predicted for this to be in the number two spot, but I actually struggled whether or not to place this here. Because frankly Reza feels disconnected from the experiences of most sorcerers around him - currently. I think...Reza himself would more closely identify with ‘magick’, and with pan-magickal struggles and social justice.

Like...Reza probably has more in common as far as lived experiences, with a British werewolf than a British sorcerer. Because British werewolves and Tunisian sorcerers are both heavily discriminated against. Magic is illegal in his home country, he’s been put in jail and denied housing and work for being a sorcerer. British sorcerers, while inconvenienced by restrictions and regulations, simply do not face a comparable level of stigma to sorcerers in Tunisia.

Reza would probably say that prior to living in Austria and now Swynlake, he would have identified more strongly with “sorcerer” as not just a label, but an entire piece of his identity. Tunisian sorcerer culture is rich, complex, and really forges a community. It means something very specific to be a sorcerer from North Africa. Now in Europe, he doesn’t as strongly identify as a sorcerer. At least, he doesn’t...think of himself as part of a community of any sort that would also specifically include say, Howl, Hera, or the Qin sisters.

In Swynlake, Reza feels more connected to this abstract pan-magick identity. He feels closer to Hades than to any sorcerers here other than his sisters and his apprentice, Aurora.

Activist - Reza, before anything other than being Sabiha’s father and being a sorcerer, identifies strongly with being an activist for magick rights. His pen name for pro-magick writing, Ares, the god of war, was a fitting alias.

It isn’t just magick rights, though. During the Arab Spring, Reza was heavily active locally in the movement that ultimately toppled the Ben Ali dictatorship. He cares a lot about social justice and in every society he lives in, whether Tunisia or Swynlake, he actively seeks to speak out and fight against injustices.

His activism is intersectional, no matter what continent he’s on.

Muslim - This one is interesting because of its placement on the list. I thought Muslim would be fifth, below Tunisian, but it’s not and I’ll explain why in the Tunisian blurb.

Reza is...not the strictest Muslim. He drinks alcohol and has sex outside of marriage - you know, breaks “rules” that are convenient for him like every person of faith does. But he finds comfort and community in Islam and his Muslim identity is very important to him.

As a now out magick, Reza is unable to even enter Saudi Arabia, and is therefore unable to complete his hajj, one of the five pillars of Islam. It legitimately hurts him, but he tells himself all the time “God will understand,” and make sure he gives to charity more than is simply required by Islam.

Tunisian - The fifth most important identity of Reza’s, is his nationality. I thought it would be higher, honestly, like maybe second or third, but as I psychoanalyzed Reza more, I realized that while it was important to him, and that he’s proud to be Tunisian...it’s number five.

Because Tunisia’s rejected him in a way. He can’t live freely in the country that he loves. He is Tunisian but Tunisia does not see him as part of her.

I thought Tunisia would be above Muslim on his list of identities, but I’ve come to find out that apart from his most important identity - as Sabiha’s father - he feels more strongly about the identities were he finds community. He finds more community in being Muslim here in Swynlake than with being Tunisian.

Demiromantic - So, honestly. Reza has never heard this word, he doesn’t know what it is. But he’s demiromantic, booooorderline aromantic. Like he’s not ace, he’s quite heterosexual, but he’s never...loved anybody. Like that. And never had a longing to.

He has the capacity to - he’s not actually aro, but he’s not able to love somebody in that way unless there’s a strong emotional attachment. Reza’s never had an attachment that strong to somebody emotionally. Even with his daughter’s mother, he wasn’t even that close friends with her, they were just a sorcerer and fairy who had mutual friends and sometimes hooked up.

He had few female friends in Tunisia that he got very close to. While attitudes toward men and women interacting are less conservative generally in magick circles, people still can raise eyebrows if single men and women act too chummy. So Reza’d only ever really had male true friends; and he’s hetero, so of course none of those strong emotional bonds turned to something deeper.

Like, he finds it odd that he’s never really had a proper “crush” on a woman, but he just writes it off as “my life up until now was fucking wild, of course I didn’t have time for that.”

Disabled - This is one Reza both isn’t fully aware of, but is also aware of and in denial. The bomb set off by anti magick extremists at a sorcerer’s wedding Reza attended that nearly killed him had left him with permanent effects.

Before the attack, Reza made most of his money as a server, bartender, fisherman, or construction worker. Even after the nearly two years of surgeries, physical therapy, and re-learning to walk again, doing these things is now impossible for him. He cannot stand up for eight, ten, thirteen hour shifts waiting tables or slinging drinks. Standing for more than a few hours at once is extremely painful. Sometimes he’ll have pain flare-ups if he’s not even doing anything.

He keeps thinking one day it’ll get better, that it’ll go away, but he’s coming to realize this isn’t going to change back to normal.

POC - This is the identity that like, Reza always was aware of, but has only recently come to understand what it fully means. I’ll explain.

Reza is a man of color...from a country populated by people of color. Of course he was aware of global white supremacy - Western European beauty standards, colorism, etc -, and he was aware that he and his sisters were a bit different than most of their neighbors, as they were half white Austrian, but like….eh. Lots of Tunisians with two Tunisian parents were lighter-skinned than Reza so.

Prior to about four years ago, when he lived in Austria for medical treatment, Reza hadn’t ever lived a racialized existence. For the first almost thirty-two years of his life, his ethnicity and Muslim faith were two things that made him blend in, not stand out.

It’s only in the last four years that Reza’s had to grapple with what it means to be a person of color in a predominantly white society -- because he’s from a society of other people of color.

#bdrptask

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