#more infodumping woooooo

[stupidkinbs]

i miss having wings. i mean with all the issues with sburb it was one of the few cool things i remember happening.

flying. i vividly remember dave being scared of heights, but, y’know, despite being past him or whatever, i wasn’t. we were honestly pretty different. well, not pretty, but… like, it wasn’t anything major. we still were both raised by bro, we still lived in texas, we still liked apple juice, and we still liked rapping and shit. but there were still little differences—i preferred to stay up later than him. i liked waking up earlier than him. he had shorter hair than me and wore black-tinted shades instead of red tinted ones.

i think i went by a different name later on, but i don’t know what. i was just a bit sick of always being called “the other dave”. technically yeah but it made me not really feel like a separate person. once sburb started in our tls we branched off (although i think there were still differences before that, albeit slight ones as i said before).

the name cassius kind of resonates with me but i dont know if that was it.

[kenonade]

stella maris reading log #1

its about damn time i start noting down how i feel when i read what i read. hell yeah. hopefully this makes me a better writer.

spoilers not really about the plot (bc honestly is there even a plot in the sense of a plot) but more about the language below the cut woooooo

tldr: book cool. writing insane. wtf. wtf. wtf. head ouchie. 越级打怪的后果就是头晕脑转 (dizziness is the consequence of attempting to read beyond my level). ooga booga man talk abt english

reading stella maris is so interesting because im just sitting here wondering like. how the FUCK did mccarthy accumulate all this knowledge about a variety of very distinct fields. my brain hurts. this is so much information. im learning nothing and learning everything at the same time. how the man managed to learn all this stuff and how he managed to put it together like this puzzle me equally intensely. its one thing to acquire knowledge. its a whole other thing to convey it in language so dense with information but also character. like, not to be that guy, but when osc does his infodumps i think to myself okay old man lets get you to bed. every time alicia opens her mouth i confront my intellectual inferiority and contemplate the meaning of life because it is alicia talking.

not to mention what the FUCK alicia. if only you’d have KNOWN. EUGH. WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.

my head hurts. the reason why im writing instead of reading is because ive already reached my reading breaking point where my eyes glaze over and the words go in one and out the other. its only been two hours. difficult language i can handle fine, verbosity is fine, i inhaled the ender stuff and only took breaks when osc pissed me off, but stella maris is information overload in a way that i’ve never experienced before. im like, texting three separate people all the time. oh i should vet this w my math guy. i need to show this to my psych classmate. this has to go to my orthopedics bestie.

i started this book saw the page number and went oh sure. its half the length of the passenger. the style means that it’ll contain less words overall too. i should be able to finish this on a three hour hsr ride. WRONG. i CANT. it’s TOO DIFFICULT. im running into roadblocks very similar to what i felt when i read the passenger: dont know place/name/context/big word. except im finding stella maris to be even more difficult because unlike some nautical jargon or random place in the midwestern usa that i can just look up, i cant. i think its impossible to even begin to comprehend all this math.

that’s definitely part of the charm of stella maris. the format of audio transcripts creates a much more intimate connection between the characters and the reader. the target demographic of this novel, though niche, is definitely not as niche as to comprise only of genius mathematicians with a burning passion for music and a hatred of psychology. the reader might be a master in one of these fields, but alicia outsmarts them in it along with all others. viewed through this lens, the reader is the doctor. the reader is the one who converses with alicia, trying their best to piece together a mind that is so extraordinarily genius and extraordinarily tormented. it’s a position of emotional significance. the reader sits through these audio recordings because they want to understand alicia. and to understand alicia is to love her. (this is a certified when i truly understand my enemy i love him moment)

all of that sits in stark contrast to western’s narration in the passenger.

i wrote an entire paragraph but tumblr fucking ate it. im pissed. its ok. for love i’ll write it again.

western’s narration is detached. it’s impersonal. mccarthy’s clinical and direct use of language alienates the viewer and prevents the formation of any sincere rapport, allowing only mild sympathy for western’s continued suffering. the reader is merely an observer, piecing together the life of a strange, curious creature through inference and deduction. nor is the reader meant to empathize with him. he’s the one who chose to abandon alicia, the one reckless enough to chose race car driving over his degree, and therefore the one who shoulders alone the responsibility of alicia’s death—or so he thinks. in a sense, because western is comparatively lucid, the detached narration becomes almost a punishment for the guilt he’s assigned to himself. he’s not the one in the mental asylum, afterall.

its interesting to me how mccarthy presents this duo to the audience. i have many Thoughts on alicia’s sexuality and stuff but i should finish the book before i synthesize those thoughts. anyway. thanks for reading 👍

[socialcarcrash]

Why do you like Hodgins so much? (I like him as well) Also, do you have any Hodgins headcanons?

Right this is gonna be so long so hang on tight:

First to preface, I strongly headcanon hodgins as trans ftm and audhd which definately influences my love for him.

To begin, when I was younger (6+) i began to watch bones and I saw myself, an undiagnosed audhd person, in hodgins so much- and not only was i full ass in love with him. I also felt understood and seen, for the first time i saw a realistic character that I could relate to in so many ways. Also he was one of my first gender envies for real!!!

Hodgins fully encompasses the autistic rage that I for sure experience and I think thats so real of him. The therapy scene between him and sweets changed everything for me, and i stopped feeling guilty for feeling so sad and angry all the time and I started to view my anger differently and instead of surpressing it i found healthier coping mechanisms.

On the subject of Hodgins so totally being autistic, I just fully think that he expresses so many of the traits I do. Most of these traits are from headcanons ive seen but then i see them again expressed in the show and it makes me happier than anyone could ever imagine. He so clearly has special interests of conspiracies and of course his entomology/botany and I also have super strong special interests that I am known for a lot! I think when you see a character on screen for the first time that you dont feel like you change anything about yourself to be more like them, and you are just them it is special! So many times have I hyperfixated on a character and changed my whole personality to be like them, but he is actually just like me!

He encourages me to try and be comfortable in myself and to openly talk about my special interests because they are part of me so I should be able to express myself! This lesson is helping me heal and become so much happier, but also helps me feel comfortable with not being okay sometimes- which is even more important.

-i think hes pretty.

STUPID HEADCANONS!!!

- his first hyperfixation was dinosaurs (me fr) and he collected the mini plastic figurines.

-huge fidgeter and never stops stimming, he legit is never is still: its seen in canon lots! (that one episode where he does push ups when he is stressed for example). He gets that whole body thing where hes gotta move!!!

-hates oliver and pickles (angela loves them both and eats his from his burgers)

-folkpunk enjoyer as a teenager, his style would have been the coolest as a way of rebelling against his parents.

- the big light is the devil. his house has lots of lamps and small lights to avoid using the big light.

-during school/uni he carried around a sketchbook that he sketched bugs in during class when he got bored, he never skipped any years or anything as he performed only just above averagely. This was because he never got the support he needed during school so he wasnt able to meet his full potential until he found his passion for entomology. This frustrated teachers so he didnt always have the best relationship with them, but he had a few that he wasnt close with, but he found comfort and support in them as he struggled through his teenage years.

INFODUMPING WOOOOOO

this is basically entirely projection but i love him.

[kayotic-catgirl]

RIDE THE CYCLONE ENJOYERS!!!!!! ITS DONE!!!!! MY AUTISM EVIDENCE IS DONE!!!!! I DIDN'T DO JANE DOE BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW SHE'S AUTISM BUT WOOOOOO DONE!!!!!!!

warning: i am absolutely HORRIBLE at explaining things and i like projecting onto fictional characters!!!! i also cannot guarantee this will be a good explanation but i'm trying my best!! also a lot of these are stretches but look man im tired and bad at explaining myself okay

Ocean O'connell Rosenberg

For most of the musical, Ocean sticks to what she thinks is right very strictly, experiencing frustration when others don't share those same beliefs (i.e: ocean appearing grossed out when constance mentions pornography and disliking that noel had swore in the chorus of his song)

She's Literally A “Gifted Kid”, We All Know Gifted Kids Are Never Neurotypical

Can accidentally come off as insensitive often (i.e: the entire “what the world needs” song, accidentally insulting constance during her speech before her song, accidentally insulting EVERYONE while trying to talk about how much she loves them all)

You can't tell me she isn't constantly masking okay I just know.

Infodumping (i.e: the “AND THAT IS WHY NOBODY SHOULD HAVE A LIBRARY CARD!” segment)

Noel Gruber

Was literally stated to be different from the kids around him in his childhood

His special interest is France I’m sorry I don't make the rules (i.e: acted out french movies as a child and worked at taco bell to save money for moving to france)

Studies have found links between autism and creativity, which makes a lot of sense for Noel since he was an aspiring poet

I’m definitely projecting but the quote “Mum tells me I gotta try to…blend in, so I tried really hard to…”dial it back”. I had to.” is SO autism. (i may or may not strongly relate to him because we have the same experiences with being queer and those experiences also remind me of my autistic experiences but shhhhhh)

I know a lot of this can translate back to the childhood experience of being gay, but autistic people are more likely to be sexually diverse as well!! Therefore, I chose to believe its both.

To add on, if you happen to be an enjoyer of the trans Noel headcanon (i’ve been seeing it a lot lately so thought i’d add this), autistic people are more likely to be transgender, especially under the nonbinary umbrella (may or may not be propagating one of my noel hcs here by mentioning the nonbinary part haha.,.,.)

Feeling “out of place”

i am autistic and i relate to him so he's also autistic (this part is /j)

Stimming

Ricky Potts

Seeing things different than others do (i.e: finding deep meaning in the concept of pornography and his response to ocean claiming everyone is an accident)

His special interests are his religion and cats.

Again, studies have found a link between creativity and autism.

Associates things with seemingly unrelated topics (i.e: ricky’s response to ocean getting mad and saying everything is an accident)

Infodumping (i.e: refer to my previous bullet point)

Mischa Bachinski

I chose to believe him explaining the moral of Saw Five (which i recently learned is actually saw six) is infodumping

Special interest is hip hop because I Said So

Masking. He tries to appear tough, but we quickly learn that he's not, considering his catchphrase.

Just Look At Him

Stimming

i am SO sorry i don't have much for him at all if anyone wants to contribute please do i'm sorry mischa and fellow mischa enjoyers </3

Constance Blackwood

Autistic people are more likely to struggle with their sense of self worth, usually due to autistic trauma.

Masking. I could write an entire essay about Constance and how much she masks. I am probably projecting but she is known for being the nicest girl in town and over apologizes a lot, even when she doesn't mean it. This could just be my experience, but extreme politeness, subservience, and faking certain emotions are my main ways of masking and I could see a lot of that in Constance. She was taught to do this by her environment and adopted the belief that her small town is horrible because MOST PEOPLE SHE KNEW THOUGHT THAT!! Even when she lost her virginity, (or rather, was sexually assaulted. going on a bit of a tangent here but why do i see nobody talking about that?? i mean, 17 and 32?? that is DEFINITELY not consensual) she pretended to find the carney’s joke about his tattoo funny, remarking that “you should always laugh at guys jokes or they'll think you're a cow”. SHE MASKS HARDCORE. YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

THERE I HOPE MY EVIDENCE IS ENJOYABLE AND DECENT GOODBYE I KNOW THERE WASN'T MUCH BUT IM HONESTLY JUST HAPPY PEOPLE WERE INTERESTED IN MY SILLY BLORBO THOUGHTS!!!!! ALSO SHOUTOUT TO MY FRIEND @aroacefrog FOR HELPING ME WITH SOME OF THIS (ps: if i think of anything else i'll update the post >:33)

"jane doe is autistic--" you FOOL, EVERYONE IN RIDE THE CYCLONE IS AUTISTIC