#morality x anxiety

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

31st Story

Part 2

TW: Captivity, implied past torture, blood mention, restraints, mistrust, starvation mention, defiant whumpee, corrupt system, knife

Heyyy! Long-time no see. I blame college 100% because it takes up all my time, seriously. Happy New Year tho 💙

Villain could tell himself he was already used to the cold, hard embrace of the dull rock of his cell, to the claustrophobia-inducing lack of windows, to the fact that the only times he ever got to see the light was when someone walked in to beat him senseless, a feat made incredibly easy with the help of the chains that shackled his wrists and ankles, not allowing for much movement.

He could pretend that being covered in blood and filth, dazed and starving, was nothing to him, that the maddening urge to find out what time it was wasn't gnawing at him torturously.

"In here, wishful thinking is all you are capable of," a sunken-faced, old prisoner had told him before he was thrown into his personal hellhole. He hadn't said anything, but he'd believed the old hag to be weak and hopeless, and thus so was her sentiment.

Right now, all he wondered was if he'd break even faster than that woman might have. The villain screwed his eyes shut, hoping it would stop the chain of thoughts poisoning his mind, but all that did was make him think clearer, every disturbing image he tried so desperately to expel growing clearer and more vivid by the moment.

It was bad enough handling the physical pain, where every time he so much as shifted his form slightly, the tormented muscles in his back would scream in protest. But the physical side was tolerable, compared to being left at the mercy of his mind; a cruel, sinister thing.

So consumed he was in his own reverie, he hadn't even noticed as the door to his cell was unlocked, at least not until the light skirting around the corner had him snapping his eyes open and sitting up.

"This doesn't look good on you," a silky, almost serpentine voice called out.

"Superhero?" he asked, despising the note of trepidation in his voice.

"No. Just her lacklustre twin," she scoffed.

"Vigilante," he deduced with a slight fall of his shoulders in relief. It's not that he believed Vigilante would treat him well, it's just that no one could rival Superhero in cruelty.

"Still ever the genius," she responded dryly.

"What do you want?" he asked, almost desperate. If she was here to torment him, he wanted her to get over with it. It was becoming progressively more difficult to bear the state in which he was in, the one chock-full of waiting and thinning patience, of hoping the pain would start so it could end, that this time would pass faster.

Except it never did.

"It's strange seeing someone normally so high and mighty like this," she attested, dodging his question.

The older version of him would have let out a frustrated snarl and cussed her out for annoying him, but now all he could do was bite his tongue and stare at her with his new resting face, broken and defeated.

"Well, I'm not here to hurt you," she said, folding her arms across her chest.

That was a response, albeit an indirect one. And of course, she wasn't here to hurt him. She was here to make sure he was comfortable, that he was enjoying his five-star stay in this resort in hell.

Sucks to have an army of enemies and not a single semblance of a friend.

He and Vigilante hadn't really had any direct bad blood, but he was a villain locked up in here, so by default, he was supposed to be her enemy, right? It didn't matter who walked in here or whether they knew him or not. They just loved to see him break, to see him, once so relentlessly powerful, reduced to less than nothing. Perhaps it brought them a sort of sick satisfaction, but he didn't know much about satisfaction anymore to judge.

"I'm going to get you out of here," she said casually, like promising him the impossible was some sort of small punishment, nothing to tear himself up about. Maybe she could rival her sister in cruelty.

Without warning, a hysterical laugh escaped his throat, only for him to bite his lip and stop abruptly, trying to clamp a hand over his mouth only for him to remember he was chained up.

Vigilante's face fell, and his own had silent tears streaming down it. He felt as though he couldn't breathe, as though bricks were raining down on his shoulders and crushing his bones into nothing. His whole being seemed to itch with dread.

"Villain?" Vigilante called out, looking a mixture of confused and horrified.

"Just get over with it! Torture me until the floor runs red with my blood, tell me how death is a mercy above vermin like myself, and tell me to take it with a smile. Hit me harder when I can't bring myself to do it. Hit me until I feel all the pain of death but never attain it. Remember my current words as defiance, as another crime I've committed. I think watching me be humbled to the nothing I truly am will entertain you as any show would," he spat, only for regret to colour his features just as fast.

"Damn it. Villain, I don't want to do. . .any of this to you," Vigilante started, careful, trying for a semblance of gentle, something she was never particularly good at. "Like I said, I'm going to get you out of here," she continued again, hoping the stern tone indicated she was serious and not somehow going to torture him.

She'd never particularly liked him, mainly because he'd always been ice-cold, calculated to a point he seemed inhuman at times, no emotion whatsoever showing up on his face, besides a cool smugness. And by virtue of all the terrible things he'd done, all the blood on his hands. And yet, he was far from the worst thing out there, and most definitely not the villain in her story.

"And let's pretend you're telling the truth, which is completely fine by me because any mercy I've ever had here has always been a pretence, a figment of my imagination, you know. What could you possibly gain from this?" He raised an eyebrow, bearing a small resemblance to his usual self. Well, at least there was a slight amount of fight left in him, even if he was clearly holding back tears now.

But the villain's question wasn't completely outlandish. Vigilante did want something from him, but it wasn't a favour he would ever come to hate. "I need your help. My sister may seem like the goddamn tooth fairy to those who don't know better, but we know what her regime is really doing. This isn't about fighting crime, it's about her insatiable addiction to power."

"And where do I belong here?" The villain's voice still held the same disbelieving tone, his shoulders managing to tense even further.

"You're one of the few people who challenged her, Villain. And as much as it pains me to say it, you're a good strategist," she explained, even though she knew she'd barely convinced him in the slightest.

"I can't be the only one fitting that description, but I can be the only one owing you a favour too," he answered. Even if he didn't look half as confident, half as untouchable as before, the criminal was still just as clever. But it also meant he wasn't believing her anytime soon. Still, he wasn't wrong. The villain may not have smelled like roses all the time, but he'd be loyal to make sure they were even; a man of his word.

"What's it gonna be, Villain? Come with me or stay here?" she asked, folding her arms across her chest, growing impatient.

Well, it didn't make sense for her to give him a choice if she was going to torture him, but sense no longer governed things in his mind, letting a fearful apprehension replace it, no matter how humiliating. The choice could easily be an illusion, another cruel joke in this comedy skit from the filthiest parts of hell.

But it could be a chance, and he was desperate. So desperate he'd risk feeling even further degraded when she laughed in his face and put him through whatever torment she'd have planned.

"Fine," he answered, looking up at her with trepidation in his eyes. He could already feel the regret tasting like salt on his tongue and the burn of acid at the back of his throat he recognised as shame.

So when the sound of his chains being unlocked rang in his ears, and the vigilante helped him up, the feeling of surprise was palpable.

"I just need to handcuff you while they can see us," she explained, noticing how slowly the villain nodded, mistrust still burning in his eyes.

She didn't like how weightless he seemed against her, barely able to walk. She hadn't fought him much, but she clearly remembered that while his frame was somewhat slender, the villain's build still used to be athletic. It was no surprise he'd deteriorated, but that didn't make his fate any less cruel.

"I'm moving him to the other facility," she announced, practically dragging the half-starved villain with her, the only response being curt nods from the guards.

They were lucky that no one here would dare question Superhero and by default, her sister, if they could even tell the difference between both.

And sure enough, there was an entry documented into the other facility, done with the help of a few handsomely paid workers. And while Superhero wouldn't buy into the lie for long, it would at least make sure she didn’t notice immediately that something was up.

✨️Break✨️

The drive to Vigilante's house was almost torturously long and reeking of the tension of two people who weren't used to each other. The villain ran his fingers over his wrists, now free of handcuffs, but they still hurt. All of him hurt, a constant, dull pain that he was almost used to, but that didn't mean he didn't miss the times where he could remember moments without aches all over his body.

That was only the least of it anyway.

"I think you'd want to clean up," the vigilante had suggested when they'd got to her house.

Instead of an off-hand "yeah" like he'd meant to, the first words that foolishly came tumbling out of his mouth were: "I can?"

This wasn't an option they gave him back there, and soon enough he'd stopped caring entirely.

"Oh," Vigilante had responded, giving him a solemn look. "I mean, yes, of course you can," she corrected hastily.

He nodded, quite literally shoving himself into the bathroom and swallowing down the awkward shame in his throat.

He'd grown so accustomed to pain that he'd barely even noticed the sting of the hot water on his open, practically fresh wounds, or how the shower water underneath him turned a dull pink. He was a lot more focused on how his sore muscles relaxed with the heat, how he seemed to get lighter with all the dirt off him, good sensations having become foreign to him in the time of his captivity.

He walked out to find a change of clothes (his clothes) on the bed in the room outside, catching his reflection in the mirror, bruises lining his cheekbones and jaw and heavy, dark circles underneath his eyes. The villain simply ignored the old memories of himself taking the time to style his hair and care for his skin, his mind hardwired for survival, looking around the room for anything he could use in case he had to defend himself.

Not that Vigilante was stupid enough for that.

Still, if she wished to hurt him, she could've done it faster, could've done it earlier. Maybe the villain wouldn't trust her blindly, but so far, he hated her less bitterly than he hated everyone else.

"How'd you get these?" he asked, walking out, looking down at the black zip-up hoodie and black sweats.

Vigilante shrugged. "From your place."

"You broke into my- whatever." It wasn't the strangest part about the situation now. "What are we supposed to do?"

"I think you need to rest," she suggested.

And she was entirely correct, given his exhaustion and how the shower had made him somewhat sleepy, so he nodded his head, walking into "his" room and waiting until she walked up to her room, waiting until he could walk out and check if she'd slept, and once he was sure, he walked into the kitchen, picking up a knife and bringing it to his room.

The villain knew it was scummy, but he wasn't about to risk being hurt again, and if the vigilante truly had good intentions, the knife would never be put to use. Still, the villain had managed to fall into a fitful sleep, still better than any night he spent curled up on a cold, hard floor.

Trust is never easy, especially for those who have been hurt one too many times. But people were not made to live forever encased in solitude, a safe option to the blind and foolish, but never a permanent solution. And while taking a risk in times of suffering might seem like a wretched fate, sometimes it is the lifeline you need to breathe again.

✨️Le Taglist: @larinzz @syberianjade @lateuplight @altu-interactions @enbious-prince @astr0-mj @thelazywitchphotographer @a-fucking-simp-00 @addictedsandwhichaki @justalittlecorrupted @quaggasus @theangstyclown @vernilliom @mothmancommitsarson @starssabove @kurai-hono-blog @talkingsperm @muffinrebel44 @sunnynwanda @annablogsposts @cardboardarsonist @itsmyworld23 @onlywhump @m3rakii @crotchgoblin69 @wtfevenisausername @pendarling @avloki-pal @kaiwewi @those-damn-snippets @genuinelythioehat-is-whump @ghostofnorth

Wanna be on the taglist? This'll take you there!

[heyheydidjaknow]

I accidentally deleted someone’s anon ask. The question posed was what sort of partner Mello would be and I wrote out a thing and I didn’t like what I wrote so I, in my infinite wisdom, decided to delete the post not knowing that also deletes the ask itself. My deleting the ask does not make me incapable of filling the ask but I felt bad about it so this is my apology.

Mello has a fun thing going on. He is both incredibly insecure but very willing to show exactly who he is to his partner. A lot of your relationship in the early stages, then, is going to be him trying to figure out who and what exactly you are while trying to show you— in his own way— who he is. The idea of you accepting him as an individual is incredibly important to him, so he’s going to ask a lot of questions to reaffirm what his relationship with you is, to confirm that you are both on the same page. For him, a relationship takes as much priority as a job, so he will be very committed to you and will— unlike some of the other characters I’ve written for— set aside time specifically to spend with you, even if that means that his time with you and his time at work overlap. After all, the fact that you’re with him at all is lucky; if you want him, then he wants to give himself to you lest you feel deprived and have to look elsewhere for your fix.

In regards to how he acts once you two are in a rhythm with one another— that is, once the two of you have gotten somewhat comfortable in your relationship— he makes a pointed effort to make sure that you know that he really does care for you, be that by verbally singing your praises (or, more accurately, mumbling them into your skin) or by giving you gifts or taking you out to places you show interest in.

The downside to all the passion he has and how much he values your relationship is that he is constantly anxious about you leaving regardless if you’ve been together for days or years. It’s another reason why he shows you off; people that know him would know better than to go for his significant other for as willing as he is to do what has to be done. If he feels threatened in that regard, he’s quick to go on the offensive. If he feels like you’re not emotionally invested as he is, he’s going to confront you about it. Open communication is a must for him; he’s not telling you things about him and his life for you to write him a biography, so if you aren’t willing to be open the relationship is going to die a slow and agonizing death.

Mello is a high maitence partner, but what he lacks in ease he makes up for in devotion and commitment. You will never have to worry about him falling out of love with you or harboring quiet resentment. Not a very universally appealing pick, but an understandable one.

[hannahbarberra162]

Can't Fix Fix A Broken Heart, Chapter 13

On Ao3

18+ MDNI

All chapters

Thatch POV

He had kept his cool, and caressed you until you fell asleep in his arms. You looked so enchanting sleeping with your head on his chest, listening to him breathe. He loved that you curled yourself around him like a little cat, and that you fit into him like a missing puzzle piece. You had finally relaxed in your sleep and it was nice seeing you like this. He could have kept you this way forever. 

Which was a good temper to his unbelievable anger. If it hadn’t been your first night with him, he would have gotten up and found a fight. Or maybe picked one. On a crew of one thousand pent up men, there was always a fight happening somewhere. He needed to spill some blood with his fists, no weapons. He had so much simmering rage, he could barely contain himself. You were so nonchalant about being locked in a crate, as if that was something that happened to everyone. You had endured such terrible abuse for so long that you had normalized it to yourself. And you had even asked if he was mad at you! Along with apologizing constantly, that was another habit you’d need to break. He wanted to talk to Marco and Ace. Just killing those remaining Marines wasn’t enough. 

But he stayed with you, blew out the lamp, and tugged you closer. You shifted a little in your sleep but didn’t wake up. No wonder you were afraid of the dark. He still had so much pent up aggression and anger, he needed to do something. He looked down at you and saw that your nightshirt had ridden up a little and he could see your lithe thighs. You were sleeping, and he wasn’t going to touch you, so there was no harm in a little…self indulgence. 

He was already hard when he fisted his cock in his pants. He pulled himself out and began lightly stroking. He wanted this to last as long as he could with you so close to him. He could feel your hot breaths on his chest and your tiny hands gripping his skin. He started gently stroking your hips, his fingers close to but not touching your incredible ass. He started pumping his cock a little harder and faster now. Given the erotic meal you’d had before combined with you laying on him, he wasn’t sure how long he would last. He imagined you on top of him, riding him and bouncing on his cock. He imagined eating you out and listening to your whines and cries. He imagined him fucking you from behind while you sucked off Marco. The final image brought him to release. He strained to be quiet and as motionless as possible but couldn’t stop himself from bucking into his hand. 

He had a large volume of cum erupt all over his hand. Looking around for a towel or cloth, he suddenly had another idea. He started slowly rubbing his cum onto your exposed skin. On your legs, your arms, your back, wherever he could reach. He rubbed it in until it wasn’t sticky anymore and had almost disappeared. He felt satisfied that even if you didn’t know it, you’d been marked by him. With a contented sigh, he fell asleep.

Y/N POV

You’d slept for a while, you thought. At least a couple hours. The room was dark, as Thatch had blown out the lamp again. He was asleep, you could hear his deep, even breathing. Quietly, you tried to squirm out of his hold. His arm was heavy as lead, you couldn’t get away without moving it. You put your hands on either side of his forearm and slowly, almost imperceptibly, raised his arm. You wriggled out from underneath, and gently put his arm back down. You made your way to the edge of the bed as silently as you could, and swung your legs over the side. You were about to touch down your feet when Thatch’s arm coiled around you and dragged you back to where you began, this time facing him.

“Y/N , care to explain?” Thatch said in an icy tone.

“Ah, well, I’m up? I’m awake so I thought I’d…”

“You thought you’d what? Sneak away? Break the rules on the first night?”

“No, I just thought - “

“That’s what keeps getting you into trouble, Y/N. You keep thinking that the rules don’t apply to you, when they’re designed for you.” He let out a big sigh “I’m afraid I’m going to have to punish you.” He sounded almost reluctant.

“P-punish? Wait, please Th-thatch I..”

He cupped your face in both his hands. “It will be OK, querida. Take your punishment like a good girl, and everything will be forgiven. I may not even tell the others.”

You were trembling but you gave out a shaky “o-ok.”

“Good. Now strip.”

“Wh- what?”

“Take off your shirt. You’ve lost the privilege of wearing clothing for the night. Since I can’t trust that you won’t run away, I can at least ensure that you won’t want to.”

“B-bu-”

“No arguing. I’m not going to tell you again. Strip.”

You were close to crying, but Thatch manhandled you until you were sitting upright. You stood on your knees, and with shaking fingers pulled your shirt over your head. You were shivering, but not from the cold. You felt exposed and unprotected, like a snail without a shell. You realized Thatch had taken off his pants as well.

“Why are you also naked, I th-”

He sighed loudly. “Again? Y/N, this is really becoming too much. Be a good little thing and take your discipline. Come here.”

This time he didn’t grab you, you could tell he wanted you to lay down next to him. You went towards the middle of the bed, and laid flat on your back. You pulled the covers up to your neck, and tried to close your eyes. Thatch hummed next to you, turned on his side again, and scooped you into his now bare body. You were in the same position as the beginning of the night, this time in the nude. You could feel the backs of your legs molded to his, your back to his hairy chest, his head above yours, and his huge dick starting to prod your backside. 

“Mmh. Isn’t this better, Y/N? Isn’t this more comfortable for us both?”

“Y-yeah.” 

“Settle down and go back to sleep. You need more rest.”

“OK, Thatch.”

With that, he reached over and cupped your mound between your legs. He didn’t move his fingers or stimulate you, just held you possessively. You were shocked so you tried to squirm away from him. When that didn’t work, you tried to take his hand off of you with your own. He lightly spanked your pussy and said “you don’t move my hand.” You were stunned and felt that everything had spiraled out of control.

You were crying silently, your tears running down your cheeks. Thatch released his hold on you and wiped your tears. 

“Punishments show that we care, carina. I don’t want you to be tired and unhealthy. You earned this one, and it’s not too bad, right? I’m not mad anymore. You’ll be OK. Hush, and let’s go back to sleep.” He resumed cupping your mons, shushing you periodically, as your crying slowly stopped. 

Against all odds, you eventually fell back asleep.

[pas-de-duex]

The Black Swan, Ch. 18

“Remus, what the- what the hell was that?” 

“Well, I uh, I guess the cats are out of the bag.” Janus says. 

Remus nods. “How much, how much did you hear?”

“I-all? All of it? I’m sorry, I am, I am unsure of how to process this.” Logan says. 

“It's ok. It’s-it’s a lot to process.” Remus says. 

“How-” 

“Why don’t we sit down?” Remus took Logan’s hand and led him to a stone clearing. 

“What. What is going on, Remus?”

Remus took a long sigh. 

“That man, Rothbart, he’s a powerful sorcerer. He was once the prince of this enchanted forest, but when it came time for his father to choose the next heir, he chose his niece instead of Rothbart. Furious, Rothbart left the land for many years. He went and studied dark magic, then returned and killed his cousin, The Queen.” Remus paused to allow Logan to digest this information. “What he didn’t know was that The Queen had two children. Clara and… and Janus.” 

“Janus? The snake man?”

Remus nodded. “He cast a spell, so that Rothbart ended up confined to this forest. But Rothbart…Rothbart cursed him. Janus was meant to be a snake for the rest of his life. Thankfully, Janus had just enough power left to reverse Rothbarts spell, but only at night.”

“That’s, that’s why you keep leaving? You’re only human in the night, and when its day you turn back into…”

“A swan.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “A black swan.”

Remus nodded. “When-”

“I…I shot you.”

“What?”

“You…you were a swan. And I… I shot you.” Logan took Remus’s hands in his own. “I am so, so sorry Remus.”

Remus laughed. “I think I can forgive you for that. You didn’t know.” 

“But I know now.” Logan stood and retrieved his bow. 

“Logan, what,”

Logan snapped the wooden bow over his knee. He threw that and his entire quiver of arrows into the lake. 

“Logan,”

“I’m not risking hurting you again, Remus. Now that I know, I’m never going to shoot another living being again.”

Remus couldv’e kissed him. 

Remus did kiss him. 

“Fuck! I did it again, I’m sorry Logan,”

Logan grabbed Remus’s sleeves and pulled him back in.

“I…I think I can forgive you for that.”

[dragonjanusisthebestjanus]

The Two Princes, Part 1

Pairing: Janus x Logan x Remus (Intruloceit)

Twin princes Roman and Remus meet The Dragonlord

Trigger warnings: Fire, depictions of violence, Remus being Remus.

Read it on ao3 here!

Taglist: @prince-rowan-of-the-forest @sleepy-nova-tea

“Bet your horse can’t trot as fast as mine!”

Roman chuckled as his brother took off. 

“When will he learn, Desponia? You’re much faster than your brother,” Roman snapped at the horse's regions. “And so am I!” 

He took off after his brother with a hyah! Desponia trotted as fast as she could, easily following Remus and Airon’s tracks. He soon caught up with his brother, who smirked at him.

“Bet your horse can’t jump as high as mine!” 

“What? The only thing to jump around here is- Remus!”  

Remus smiled and took off for the ravine.

“By the gods. He’s going to kill himself one day.” Roman muttered. 

He cantered after his brother, trying to conserve Desponia’s energy. They were on a three day hunting trip after all. By the time he made it to the ravine, Remus was already on the other side. 

“Come on Ro-bro! I’ve got something to show you!”

Roman chuckled. “Ready, Desponia?”

The horse whinnied in response. Roman backtracked a few steps, and with a bounding leap he and Desponia cleared the ravine. 

“Ha! Remus, you should really know by now, anything you can do, I can do better!” 

“Even hunting a dragon?” 

“Of course! Of course! One would have to leave The Dragonlands, though. And that hasn’t happened in over a thousand years!” 

Remus smirked and dismounted his horse, Airon. Roman followed suit, and followed Remus a few steps into the forest. 

“Explain that, then.” 

Roman couldn’t believe what Remus was pointing to. It was indeed a large footprint, with three toes and three claws protruding from it. Could it be? Could a dragon be in Roman and Remus’s kingdom? 

“It can’t be.”

Remus smiled and shrugged. “Only one way to find out.” 

Roman nodded in agreement. The two princes returned to their horses, gathered their weapons, and slowly followed the tracks. The pair moved in sync, as they had so many times before. The Princes were experienced hunters, having trained since they were young. 

Their Aunt Patty demanded it be so. 

Roman and Remus’s parents were killed when they were very young. A group of assassins snuck into the castle on the eve of their fifth birthday. Their parents had thrown them a grand ball. Remus was sneaking around the castle, trying to avoid a punishment from their governess. Roman had been dancing with his mother in the ballroom. 

His mother must’ve heard the pistol cock. He remembered her messing up the dance, putting herself in front of the assassin. The coward shot her in the back, causing her to fall on to Roman. 

“Messalina!” Their father attempted to run to her aid, when another shot rang out, killing him as well. 

Roman had clung to his mother as the ballroom erupted into chaos. He kept his eyes closed as people ran into him as they tried to escape. 

“Mother? Mother, please wake up,” he begged. He knew she would know what to do. “Mother?” 

Remus was wandering the halls, laughing as ‘Nanny Red’ chased him. 

“Remus Capet! Your parents are waiting for you! You come put on your formal wear this instant!” 

“No! I won’t and you can’t make me!”

Remus wishes he had. Then maybe he could’ve said goodbye. 

He rapidly turned a corner and ran into a mage wearing a dark robe.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going Mister!” 

The Mage chuckled. “Prince Remus, I presume?” 

“What’s it to ya?” 

The Mage started an incantation, and threw a blue glow in Remus's direction. Remus jumped out of the way, laughing.

“Ha ha ha! Can’t catch me! Can’t catch me!” The Prince avoided every spell the mage threw at him, before finally running off and hiding in a cupboard. 

That’s where ‘Nanny Red’ found him hours later, after the entire staff had searched the castle high and low for him. And with the assassins in the wind, they had all feared the worst. 

“What? What could I possibly have done this time?” Remus asked.

‘Nanny Red’ dragged him into his room, where he was met with a crying Roman.

“Ro-bro?” 

“Re-Re!” 

Roman had enveloped him in the tightest hug. They were locked in their room until the next night, when their Aunt Patty came to be their guardian and regent until they came of age. 

A day that was quickly approaching. 

“The tracks end a few feet away,” Remus whispered. 

Roman nodded in response. He started to walk towards the end of the trail until he heard a CRACK! 

The Princes stopped. 

CRACK! 

Roman pointed to their right, and Remus nodded. They slowly headed towards the noise, readying their weapons, when a loud roar echoed throughout the forest.

“WHO DARES ATTACK A DRAGON'S MATE!?!?” 

Roman had enough foresight to grab his shield before the fire began. He and Remus hid behind it until the fire stopped.

“Well, guess we found the dragon!” Remus cackled. 

“Janus! You should not have come this far from the cave!” 

A mage with broken glasses, disheveled hair, and torn clothes appeared from the bushes. 

A large, golden dragon landed next to him and nuzzled into his arms.

“I’m sorry my love, but I heard them following you and worried you might’ve been in danger.” 

The mage chuckled. “Who, these two? Please! I could take them in my sleep.” 

Roman made a noise of offense. “Excuse me? I am the crown Prince, Roman Capetian of Reston. I have training in all forms of combat. There is no way a scrawny mage like you could ever defeat me.”  

The mage scoffs. “Scrawny? Please. A few months in this wilderness may have affected my body, but my mind is still brilliantly inact, your highness.” The mage whispered an incantation, which sent Remus flying into the air. He landed back next to Roman, laughing and clapping his hands.

“Again! Again!” 

The mage rolled his eyes. “Come, Janus, you should not be this far from the cave.” 

“Not so fast,” Roman pointed his sword at the mage. “Who are you, and why have you brought a dragon into my kingdom?” 

The dragon growled and stepped between the mage and the sword. 

“Janus,”

“Drop the sword, highness.” The dragon spat. 

“Not until you leave.” 

The dragon growled, and Roman drew back his sword.

“Janus!”

The dragon and the prince lunged for each other. The mage quickly cast a spell, causing the two to freeze.

“Whoah, how’d you do that ?” Remus asks.

“M-magic! Now, could you please, please get your brother away from Janus? I can’t hold this spell forever!” 

Remus nodded and pulled the sword from his brother's hands. He took hold of Roman’s chest, and nodded to the mage. He released the spell, causing Roman to thrash in Remus’s arms, and the dragon flew into the trees. 

“Remus! Unhand me this instant!” 

“Sorry Ro-bro, no can do! I wanna find out more about these two hot tamales.” Remus winked at the mage as the dragon flew back to them.

“Logan, what was that for?” He growled. 

The Mage, Logan, scoffed and crossed his arms. “I’d prefer it if we didn’t cause an all out war between Reston and the Dragonlands. Especially in the state we’re in.” 

The dragon huffed and sat down next to Logan. “I suppose.” 

Roman continued to struggle in Remus’s arms. “See? They’re giving up! Let me go!” 

Remus rolled his eyes. “Roman, stop it. They’re clearly not here to cause us harm. Will you please stop?” 

“Never! A true warrior never gives up!” 

Remus gave a slow whistle, and soon their horses came galloping through the woods. The dragon snarled at them, but they remained unphased.

“Logan, would you be so kind as to get into the left saddlebag? There should be some rope in there we can-“

“Remus! How dare you! This is high treason! I’ll have you arrested!” 

Remus rolled his eyes again. “Oh please. You and I both know I commit way more treasonous things than this daily, and you have yet to have me arrested.” 

Logan graciously got the rope and tied an intricate knot around Roman’s wrists. Remus had the horses kneel and sat Roman atop of Desponia. 

“Allow me to introduce us more properly. I am Remus Capet, Prince of Reston. This asshole is Crowned Prince Roman the Idiot. And you two,” Remus took Logan’s hand and kissed it. “Are two of the most beautiful creatures I’ve ever seen.” He offered his hand to Janus, but the dragon either didn’t know what it meant, or had no intention of giving him his hand. Or… claw? Remus wasn’t sure what the proper terminology was. 

The mage and the dragon shared a look. A long look. Finally the mage turned back to Remus. 

“Greetings, your highness. I am Logan Crofter, student at the Le Fey School of Magic. And this is Janus, The Dragonlord.” 

Remus’s eyes widened. “The Dragonlord? As in, ruler of all dragons?” 

The Dragon nods.

“No offense, but what the hell are you doing here? I mean, we’re very happy to have you, but, what the hell are you doing here?”

The dragon looked away from them. Logan sighed. 

“We were attacked. Other dragons got… jealous of Janus and I’s relationship. We were driven out and Janus… Janus was wounded.” 

The dragon growled. 

“Well I’m sorry Janus! But it’s true! You’re injured and there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it because we lost The Fire Ruby!”

Janus growled even louder, then took flight. Logan sat on the ground and put his head in his hands. 

“You ok Lolo?” Remus sat down next to the mage. 

“Please, please don’t call me that.”

Remus nodded. “You alright, Logan?” 

“Janus has been… difficult since his injury. Dragons are proud creatures. He doesn’t want to admit he needs help. I admit it… can be rather difficult. It took me almost failing a class to understand that…”

Remus chuckled. “Well, what if you’re the one who asks for help?” 

“Wh-what?” 

“Well, if Janus is as attached to you as I think he is, if you were to say, come back to the palace with me, wouldn’t he follow you?”

“Perhaps, but,”

“Well then,” Remus stood and offered Logan his hand. “I would like to officially invite you and the dragonlord to the palace. So we can help you, of course.” 

“I…I accept.” 

“Wonderful.” Remus winked as Logan accepted his hand. He helped the mage to his feet and led him over to the kneeling horses. 

“No! Remus! I refuse to have them in my castle! Remus, are you even listening to me? Remus. Remus!” 

…

Janus had begrudgingly come back to the palace with them. He refused Remus’s generous offer to allow Logan to ride with him, and instead insisted on flying the whole way there. 

“Janus, this is ridiculous! You’re wasting an unnecessary amount of energy! Energy you could be preserving to help yourself heal.” 

“You know that that’s impossible.” The Dragonlord growled. 

“Since you refuse to let me try, I refuse to believe it.” 

They made it back to the palace two days later. 

“Your highnesses! Is everything alright? You weren’t expected back for- holy heracles! Is that a dragon?” 

Several guards raised their weapons towards Janus, causing him to become startled. He hurried to stretch out his body, allowing himself to look bigger than he was. 

“Ah! Janus!”

In his haste, Janus threw Logan off of his back. Remus leapt off of his horse, somersaulted, and managed to catch Logan in his arms. 

“Oh, um, thank you, Remus.” Logan said. “You ah, you can put me down now.” 

“Ugh, if I have to.” 

“Let me GO!” 

The guards managed to get some nets around Janus’s muzzle, and one began stabbing at his injured leg. 

“No! Don’t hurt him! Please!” Logan tried grabbing at one of the guards, who easily shook him off. 

“Enough! Guards, stop this!” Remus demanded. 

The guards immediately stopped. Logan pushed past them and started pulling the nets off of Janus. 

“Your highness,”

“As long as they’re here, no harm is to come to the mage OR the dragon! They are my official guests. Understood?”

“Yes, your highness.” 

“Good. Do me a favor, deposit his royal asshole-iness to his chambers will you?” Remus handed the horse's reins to a guard, then ushered Logan and Janus past them all. 

“Remus! They cannot stay here! Remus, Remus!!” 

…

Remus opened the doors to an old barn. 

“Nobody uses this place anymore. Not since…”

Not since his parents died. 

“Anyways, you can stay here. Unless you’d prefer a small cramped room in the castle?”

Logan and Janus looked around. 

“No. This will be just fine. Thank you, Remus.” 

…

Remus didn’t hate to admit: Logan cleaned up very nicely. The Mage had been in and out of the castle over the past few days, haggling various things off of servants. Soap, hot water, food, and books just to name a few.

“You know, I can assign a servant to you. Might save you the trouble of having to haggle with everyone.”

The Mage looked up from a book he had been reading. “Oh, um, that would be nice, I suppose. Thank you, Remus.”

Remus’s heart fluttered every time Logan said his name.

Well, his heart and his dick. 

It didn’t bother Remus that The Dragonlord already had a claim on Logan. If anything, that made him even more alluring. I mean, the literal ruler of dragons being your lover and protectorate? Where could Remus sign up for that?

“You know, I think that’s the third time this week I’ve seen you read that book.” Remus says. 

Logan tucked his hair behind his ears and blushed. 

“Yes, well, it’s, it’s the only one I’ve managed to get. I suppose I should return it-”

“Nonsense! If you like it, it’s yours! In fact, follow me! There’s something I should show you!” 

Remus grabbed Logan’s hand and raced through the castle. 

“Remus! How many times have I told you- no running in the castle!” 

“Sorry Aunt Patty!” Remus hollered back. 

“You-you have an Aunt Patty too?” Logan asked. 

“Of course! I think everyone has an Aunt Patty, don’t they?”

Logan didn’t know how to respond. Remus continued running, cutting corners quickly and throwing open doors. Finally, he reached a large set of double doors, where he stopped. 

“Oof. Well, ok, Logan. We’re here.” Remus turned the knob on one of the doors, and let Logan inside. 

“Oh. My. Gods.”

After Remus caught his breath, he followed Logan into the castle library. 

“I-I can’t believe it. I’ve never seen so many books in all of my life!” Logan looked around the room with wonder. 

“Do you like it?” Remus asked.

“It’s…it’s wonderful!” Logan replied. 

“Then it’s yours.” 

“Wh-what?” 

“It’s yours. Nobody ever comes in here. There’s honestly probably more cobwebs than books,”

Logan interrupted him with a kiss. 

“I-I’m sorry. That was inappropriate. I just…no one has ever done something this nice for me. Well, except for Janus, I suppose. But, I mean, he hasn’t done anything like this!”

Remus grinned from ear to ear. “Logan,”

“I…I should go.”

“Logan,”

But the mage turned away, and left his book behind. 

…

That night, Remus woke up with claws against his throat. He opened his eyes, to see bright green ones glaring back at him. 

“How dare you.” 

Remus made a small choking sound, despite Janus’s light grip. He supposed he could scream for the guards, or even grab his morningstar he stashed under the bed. But honestly? Remus wanted to see where this was going. 

“How dare you corrupt my darling Logan? With your… flirtatious jokes and -and your books?” Janus hissed. 

“I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to cause you-”

“Well you did! I mean, inviting him here? Giving him that library? Are you trying to steal him away from me?” 

“What? No!”

Remus sat up, causing Janus to let go of his throat. He took in the dragon’s halfling form. He maintained his golden wings and tail, as well as some golden scales across his face. His nails were actually claws, and his bright green eyes were reminiscent of his dragon form. 

He was gorgeous. 

“Then… Are you using him to get to me? Lord some sort of power over me? I’ll have you know it won’t work. I’ll burn this entire castle to the ground before you can harm a single hair on his head!” 

“No! Where the hell are you getting all of these ideas?”

Janus slid back a bit, giving Remus more space to sit up.

“I… I don’t understand. What is your game then, Prince?”

Remus laughed. “Game? There’s no game! I just think Logan’s hot as hell! I wanna blow his back out! And you,” Remus leaned forward and closed the space between them. “You could blow out mine.” 

The dragon blushed. The dragon blushed! It was so cute! Remus couldn’t help but run his fingers over the now pink-tinted scales on Janus’s face. The dragon once again met his eyes, then quickly darted out of Remus’s bed and out the window. Remus huffed and laid back down. 

“Damn it.” 

…

Remus knocked on the barn doors the next morning. 

“Hey can we, can we talk?”

Janus was still in his halfling form. He and Logan were sitting on a large pile of hay, bodies entangled as Logan read a book. 

A new book. From the library. 

“Yes of course, Remus. Come in.” Janus said. 

“I just uh, I just want to apologize for yesterday. I’m sorry if I overstepped. With the library and the uh…” 

He didn’t know what to call what transpired between him and Janus. 

“Anyways, I uh, I wanted to know if there’s some way I can make it up to you? Not in a weird way, I mean. I uh, I should just leave you two alone. I’m sorry. I’ll go,”

Janus shot out of the hay, toppling over Logan. He grabbed Remus’s hand and whispered “don’t”. 

“A little warning next time?” Logan stood up and brushed the hay off of him. 

“I’m sorry darling. I just didn’t want him to walk away.” Janus took Remus’s face in his hands. “While your methods were… questionable, your intentions were… romantic?”

Logan scoffed. “The same could be said of you, Janus.” 

“Yes yes, I suppose. The point is, Logan and I have discussed it. You’re a very powerful ally to have, Remus.” Janus pulled Remus in for a kiss. “And we want you to be with us.” 

Remus didn’t know what to say. 

“Remus? Are you alright?”

Remus pulled Logan into a kiss. 

“I’m wonderful.” 

…

Remus spent the next several days with his new lovers. For once, Roman was happy with them, as they somehow managed to keep Remus away from his usual hijinks. 

“Come on come on come on come on! You have to see the vault! There’s some jewelry down there I cannot wait to-”

“Please, Remus, spare me the details.” Roman sighed. “Besides, this is NOT a pleasure visit, in any sense of the word. It’s our annual budget discussion with Aunt Patty. To section out how we’re going to spend all this gold to better the kingdom? You do realize this, right Remus?” 

Remus didn’t seem to be listening. He was now entranced by Janus’s fully human green eyes. His wings had been too wide to fit down the stars. He held Remus’s hand as they descended down the stairs, pretending his right leg didn’t ache with every step. 

Eventually, they reached the bottom of the long, winding staircase. Roman entered the code to the vault, and they all stepped inside. 

“Oh, oh my.” Janus literally licked his lips at the sight of all the gold. 

“Don’t worry, we don’t keep much of it. We re-distribute it as equally as we can back to every town in the kingdom, so they can spend it on what they need.” Remus said. “We find that the more improvements we make for our people, the more we get in return!”

Janus seemed to be unable to contain himself. “Remus,”

“ I don’t know what you’re thinking, but go for it Jannie!

Janus shifted into a smaller version of his dragon form, then literally dove into the large pile of gold. 

“Ah yes. I suppose this is quite like your horde back home.” Logan says.

The dragon nods and dives back into the gold. 

“Oh! Lolo! There’s a beautiful sapphire necklace around here somewhere. It’s going to look so good on you while you-”

“La la la la! No details Remus!” Roman called. 

“Remus, what, what’s this?���

Logan held up a red gem. Janus stopped and stared at it.

“That? I think it’s a ruby from Frogtown. Hey! Frogtown borders the dragonlands doesn’t it? You can totally have it if you want it, Lolo.” 

Logan nodded and turned to Janus. “Is it-”

Janus nods. “It’s lost its power, but it’s a-”

“Fire Ruby.” The two say in unison. 

“Huh? What’s that?” Remus asks.

“I thought, I thought you had the last one?” 

Janus shook his head. “Apparently not. Give it here.”

Logan tossed Janus the ruby. Janus dove back into the pile of gold, and re-emerged a moment later. He had attached the fire ruby to a golden chain, and was handing it to Remus. 

“This is a Fire Ruby. It is the only thing powerful enough to heal a dragon. I reactivated it with my fire breath, and melted this chain to it.” 

Logan helped Remus fasten the necklace around his neck. 

“I want you to have it, Remus. To keep it safe. Can… Can you do this for me?”

Remus wiped away a few tears and held the necklace in his hands. 

“Yeah, yeah I can do that, Jannie.”

[nerdieforpedro]

You're not Broken

Frankie Morales x plus size female reader

Fanfiction: Teens and up

Masterlist / Francisco “Catfish” Morales Masterlist

Approx word count: ~2200 (I edited a bit after starting my draft post.)

Warnings: references to smut, descriptions of past violent traumatic events, depression, PTSD, minor physical altercation (wasn't intentional), anxiety, self-deprecation, Fluff at the end

Notes: I'm happy to finally have a fic for Frankie Friday! In many of my fics as of late, the angst has been HEAVY, this one is no exception. I tried to include all the warnings I thought would apply, please let me know if I need to add anything. I think at some point depending on what weird, painful, happy or fun path life has taken you down, we all may feel broken at some point.

We're not, we're just humans in an imperfect world just trying to figure it out.

The same question had been nagging your thoughts for the past month, “Why doesn’t he let me sleep over at his house?” You’d been with your boyfriend Frankie for three months, getting to know each other, having mind-blowing sex and having a great time so you thought. You’d even met his daughter, Camilla, who was an adorable two year old toddler a few times. Frankie would sleep at your place, playing big spoon to your little spoon, his strong arms wrapped around you, his chin and scruffy beard against your shoulder and neck. You’ve been to the man’s house, just haven’t stayed overnight in it. You realize it’s dumb, thinking too hard about this, you’ve only been together three months, it’s not that long, but it’s also not that short either, at least to you. He makes sure you get home safe from your dates and calls to let you know he’s in his house safe. 

One night, you decide that tonight you’re going to ask him why, why he doesn’t want you in his house overnight. Frankie doesn’t offer an explanation, only that he didn’t realize that it was that important to you. Instantly, you feel like an idiot for bringing it up. He assures you you’re not and you both go off to bed, sleep soundly and he cooks you breakfast. Slowly, you spend more nights at his house, but it was one particular night within the week you had been staying overnight at Frankie’s house why he was hesitant to have you over.

It turns out, Franscico Morales is a man with layers, like an onion. He hates that analogy because his friend Santiago says it too often and Benny mentions that his feet smell like onions, anyone’s feet would after wearing heavy boots all day with no breathable material. He’s a kind man, a loving partner and a doting father. He was also a soldier in the Special Forces of the US Army. This left him with blemishes on his mind and frayed his soul, he tries to remember he’s not that man anymore and has moved on, left that behind. As a concept, he understands, but his body and soul never forget what he did in the name of his country. Most times, he can keep busy to stave off the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the self-loathing, the guilt of surviving, the blood he can still see on his hands and head shots he made. Even flying, something Frankie loves doing which lead him to the army, reminds him of his past, moving his comrades bodies to and fro, sometimes they were alive, sometimes not. Frankie has talked to some people about it, some at the VA, and those he served with, but it’s a struggle each day. He is happy though, his daughter lights up his world and so do you, his new girlfriend who he does want to see when he wakes up.

Instead, Frankie sometimes sees the faces of those left behind, those who he couldn’t save, other times, it might just be blood or his old comrade Tom on that damn mountain a hole in his fucking head. He doesn’t want to burden you with this quite yet, things are new, they’re good. He can’t bear for you to walk away as others have, scared of him, feeling he’s defective in some way. Even Camila’s mother felt that way about him, she told him he’s a wonderful father but a haunted man that can’t let anyone in. That stuck with Frankie in the subsequent years.

Now he’s here, happy that you’re lying next to him, but wondering when it will happen. When his mind will fail him again and he’ll see the past horrors taunt him once more. Thankfully you’re a heavy sleeper, he was sure that he had woken you at your place when he got up in the middle of the night and went for a walk, sat on the couch, read one of your books, scrolled through his phone and then when he was near exhausted, he climbed back into bed. You were never the wiser though, you’d wake up with that gorgeous smile and ask him how he slept, give him a kiss and ask him what he wanted to eat. It was as it should be, no nightmares, no horrid dreams, no violent visions, maybe he got three or four hours of sleep tops, but it was next to someone who treated him like he was normal. He had found that he slept slightly better at your place so he was hoping to keep that going as long as possible. The veteran would get up to four and a half hours of sleep consecutively at your home

Tonight in Frankie’s house was fine, better then fine actually because once again, he made you say nothing but his name for at least an hour. After you both came down from your highs, your boyfriend wiped you down per his routine. If there was one thing you had learned about Frankie, unless he approves, don’t disrupt his routine. He takes special care to wipe you down first then himself, encourages you to use the bathroom followed by himself. Then the pair of you got into bed, his big spoon to your little spoon. A lovely end to a lovely evening. 

Except at one in the morning, you heard whispering. Frankie’s large hands weren’t on your round belly or wide thighs, instead, he had them wrapped around himself as sweat dotted his brow. An unfamiliar grimace was on his face as he mumbled something you couldn’t make out, it didn’t sound like words. You reached to touch his shoulder and he snapped back, he looked at you but his eyes were wide and unfocused. One of his hands grabbed your wrist as he draped you out of bed, he crouched behind the bedroom door. You didn’t say anything at first, shocked by what was happening but you started calling his name, first Frankie which he didn’t answer to, then you tried Francisco, he still gave you nothing. He was rattling off numbers now which were nonsensical. Finally you tried Sergeant Morales which got him to focus on you finally.

It took him a minute, but he recognized you and gasped in horror. Frankie didn’t remember getting out of the bed or grabbing you, ‘a new horror has happened’ he thought as he released your wrist. You actually hadn’t felt your hand for the last few minutes and now that he wasn’t putting any pressure on it, your wrist throbbed in pain, you winced but didn’t want to scare Frankie more than you already assumed that he was. He turned to head toward the kitchen but you stopped him.

“Wait, don’t go. I’m alright Frankie.”

“No you’re not cariño. Look at your wrist…I…”

“You didn’t mean to. I know you would never mean to. Is this…” You paused, taking a deep breath before asking. “Is this why you didn’t want me to sleepover?”

Frankie looks away for a moment, closing his eyes. Is this the moment he loses you? You say it’s fine but like hell it is. He knows your wrist hurts and you’ll be lucky if it doesn’t bruise by morning. You’re one of two people he wanted to be his best self for, you and his daughter, but he’s failed. Shown you what the outcome can be if his mind plays serious enough games with him. He looks into your patient eyes and nods. “Yes. Though not as severe as tonight was, most nights I…I don’t sleep well.”

You surprise him by embracing him, wrapping your soft body against him with your arms around him, massaging his back. “I’m glad I now know Frankie. We’re supposed to be up front with each other right?”

Frankie laid his head on your shoulder, placing a soft kiss on your round shoulder, he was in your arms and felt better, still guilty but better. Maybe you wouldn’t leave right away, he’d have time to convince you to stay at least.

“Frankie, let’s go back to bed, but I’ll be the big spoon this time.” His body stiffened, that was not part of the routine, his regimen with you. Before he could mention this, you’d pulled him back to bed and laid down, patting the pillow beside yourself. The man sighed and laid next to you in bed, giving in to your whim. He rolled on his side and felt your body against his, though your arms, especially your sore wrist didn’t quite make it around him due to the broadness of his back. 

“Cariño, I think we should switch positions. Doesn’t your wrist hurt like that?” You knew Frankie wasn’t wrong, it still pulsed with pain, though slightly less since it had been a few minutes. You decided to turn on your back and patted your chest.

“Lay here then. No funny business though, we have work in the morning.” A playful grin spread across your lips. Frankie let out a happy huff and laid his head on your tender breasts as his chest lay across half your plush belly. One hand patted your head, his fingers rubbing your scalp as his other hand squeezed your hip. 

“This is a lot better. You sure you can sleep like this though? Are you comfortable?” Your boyfriend asked, that was the man you knew, always concerned for your well being, even when you’re trying to get him settled.

“Yes, I can sleep through you having horrible dreams most nights.” You closed your eyes, realizing that may have been a cutting statement to make, but it was mainly directed at yourself. He’s been suffering like this and you didn’t know, slept happily without a care because you don’t remember your dreams but he does and it’s detrimental for him. “Sorry, I just…I would have tried to help you sooner you know. I get why you didn’t tell me. It’s a hellova thing to deal with Frankie.” You feel his body start to relax and to put more of his weight on you, he’s accepting of the position at least, you’re hopeful that it can get him back to sleep with minimal issue.

“Thank you cariño. I don’t deserve your understanding or your kindness.” A small acknowledgement comes from Frankie, though it makes you frown. He shouldn’t speak of himself that way, it’s not his fault his mind is in this state, it took years to become this. You had an arm that was laying across the pillows, above his shoulder, you bent it to place his scalp in your palm grasping and releasing his soft curls.

With a kiss placed on his forehead you told him, “You’re not broken Frankie. You’re entitled to so much from life. I love you and I won’t hear you talk about yourself like that. You’re too important to me.” A heat rose from your cheeks and spread throughout your body, you might burst into flames. You just told this man you loved him and you’ve only been dating him three months, that seems a bit soon. Even if a real tender moment is happening right now, that could sour it a bit or weird it out. You stayed perfectly still, closing your eyes to avoid the look on his face whatever it was. You worry too much.

Frankie is ecstatic with this turn of events. In fact, he too was wondering if it was too soon. Your plush body he loses himself in, your melodic voice where it always sounds like you’re singing his name, Camilla appeared to like you - she didn’t do the stranger danger and waddle away, you make him laugh, his friends liked you, you were aware of his past transporting discretion and although you didn’t excuse it completely, understood that he was trying to make ends meet at the time, enjoyed how comfortable he could be with you even in silence. Why shouldn’t he tell you that he loves you, especially now that you’ve said it first, though he did want to beat you to that originally. Francisco popped his chin up to look at you, your eyes were closed and he snickered, he had horrible dreams and you spun too many things inside that pretty head of yours.

“Look at me, Cariño,” he waited until you made eye contact with him. This was important after all, “I love you too and I also thought it was too soon. We’re on the same page most of the time. Stop spinning and sleep.” A small peck landed on the top of your breast before he laid his head back down.

Soon both of your respirations slowed and you slept until the morning. Frankie did not wake during the night or need an early morning walk. He had the best sleep he’d had in years. You were ecstatic to see him the next morning actually looking well rested for once, sitting on the side of the bed as he said good morning to you. Your hands pressed against his back as did your cheek - a wonderful start to the day for you both.

[enby-trash-rat]

I'll be starting on the short story.

But I decided to do another poll, since it was a tie between Intruality and Dukexiety

[iggyalfi2319]

And here's the complete set

Individual:

Patton - Virgil - Logan - Janus - Remus - Roman

Link: https://picrew.me/image_maker/1689727

@/sapgoon

-

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[overwriter]

I decided to be trendy and re-do one of my first attempts at fanart. Tumblr behold: 2023 moxiety vs 2021 moxiety

[pagetreader]

@retrograderesemblance {x}

Though the night had started with life threatening chaos – a close call, if Eggsy did say so himself (and he did) – it had ended with adrenaline fueled love making, the sort that was desperate and carnal. Fucking hell, a spontaneous fuck had never felt so good. 

Then again, he’d never exactly known the women he’d hooked up with via t.inder, which he’d downloaded after several failed attempts at a solid relationship with the pretentious lot who thought they were too good for the likes of him. The plural, of course, only amounted to two different women, neither of them any sort of romantic connection. After the second one, he deleted the app altogether. 

Carrie though, she was different. She was really something else. He still believed that, even upon finding her heaving the entirety of the contents of her stomach into the loo. Despite his confusion and half a dozen questions swirling around in his hazy head, Eggsy knelt beside her and held her hair back, rubbing her back soothingly as she’d finished up.

Once they were both sure the worst was over and Carrie moved on to brushing her teeth, he folded a couple tiers of toilet paper and wiped off any residue from the seat and flushed. 

"I'm fine," she’d insisted. 

“Liar,” he answered, carefully scooting in next to her so he could wash his hands, “You’re not fine. Not after that little reenactment of the bloody Exorcist you just pulled.” 

When he saw how shaken she still was, her free hand gripping the sink like she might float away if she dared to loosen her grip, he frowned, his mounting concern prompting him to reach up and gingerly rub between her shoulder blades again. 

“C’mon, Care, you can talk to me. You’ve seen me naked.” 

Eggsy really couldn’t help the urge to joke. It was his way of lightening the mood. Though Carrie still seemed reluctant to talk. 

"Must've been something I ate."

“That’s bollocks.” 

Why was she trying to evade this? He couldn’t understand it. Was she really that embarrassed or was it something else? With a sigh, he held up his hands in mock surrender. 

“Look, whatever you were dreamin’ about clearly rattled you, but if you’re that bent on keepin’ it to yourself, then I won’t pry.” 

[xxoxobree]

I’m supposed to be taking a break and I am but I just wanted to speak about this cause it’s relevant to the app, I hope no one says I’m doing this for “sympathy points.” Cause mental health is so important and this is also my blog and can be an outlet for me instead of bottling it up. I also hope no one takes this as a dig personally but can understand it’s me just expressing MY FEELINGS. Being on tumblr has really put my anxiety into overdrive, the mere thought of tumblr, the notifications and posting gives me an anxiety that I haven’t had since seventh grade. Everytime I see the logo I’m just waiting on another post bashing me somehow, like “uh oh what did I do now.” “How do I have to defend myself today?” (Update : there was one.)

It’s become so hostile and unpredictable I’m sure not only for myself cause I’ve been told stories of people being literally forced off the site because they wrote things that were good to them and just wanted to share like the rest of us.

And now that I’ve had experiences, I totally get why people decide to just leave , why I’ve gotten multiple messages of others wanting to be writers but opting out.

There’s no grace for people to be themselves, there’s no grace for people to sprinkle different elements into their content. No grace for people that step a little outside the thin ass line that has been drawn.

When did we get so hostile and distasteful? Are we not ashamed of the way we treat people because they have different interests, perspectives, cultures different than our own?

It’s disgusting that anyone has to feel anxiety or depression ect. It’s nothing to be nice to each other something I can work on myself.

[galaxyedging]

Frankie Morales x ND!reader

A little drabble about Frankie taking care of anxious ND reader at Christmas.

TW: anxiety, negative self talk, Christmas.

Frankie hovered in the kitchen, making his hands appear busy as he watched you on the couch. He knew something wasn't right, beyond the illness that had been draining you for a week. Your smile didn't quite reach your eyes anymore, save for a few times when you looked at him with all the love you had, he swears he can see it shine from your eyes, your soul, just as clear as he can see the lights shine on the Christmas tree.

He knows your sleep has been fitful, he feels you stirs, knows that it's been taking longer for you to drift off. At first he put it down to the almost forty-eight of sleep you had at the start of this flu. No, this wasn't the flu any more. This was your first Christmas together and your first anniversary the following week. Frankie wanted everything to be perfect for you. Just like you were perfect for him.

"You're staring, Frankie." You commented with a smile, without even turning your head from your book. Even though you both know you haven't been really reading it.

It only takes his long legs a few steps to cross over to you before sittingon the edge of the sofa next to you. "I know something is wrong. I didn't want to push you but you know you can tell me anything."

He doesn't miss the way you outwardly cringe behind the mask of your pages. Taking a breath you compose yourself behind it's safety before putting it down to talk to him. "You're right. I should have know I couldn't hid from you." A soft smile graces your lips as you take his hand in yours. "I'm sorry. It's just this time of year. I'm out of routine. There's so much to do, yet not enough to do. It sets off my anxiety. Then my anxiety takes over. I can't seem to keep myself present, I'm either upset over the past, over those that should be her with me or terrified over the future. Christmas is just hard being sick on top of it had just worn me down."

"Mi Amor, why didn't you say anything?" His warm eyes shone with concern, his pout was drawn down. You already wanted to kiss the look of sadness away.

"My anxiety is because I was born messed up. You have actual reasons to have anxiety." You avoid his eyes as you speak.

A moment later you find yourself crushed to his chest. "You and I both know you weren't born messed up. You wouldn't say that about anyone else in your shoes so don't say it about yourself. Besides that one of the neat things about anxiety, it will go after anyone." He pressed a kiss to your head. "So Christmas is a trigger for you?" You only nod against him. You let him hold you until the anxiety swells in your stomach and you have to use the bathroom. Frankie appears at the door when you are done. "Hey, why don't you take a bath? They warmth will help with your stomach. When you come down we can try to get a little toast or something in you. OK?" His care caused an ache inside you. Why couldn't your stupid body accept that you had it pretty good and just calm down?

"Hey." Frankie moved to catch your eyes. "Wherever you just went, don't go there again. I love you."

"Love you, too." And you did even when your felt like you didn't feel your feelings the way you should, you always loved Frankie. Even back when you were just friends before Benny's New Year's Eve party.

The bath helped you stomach a little. It didn't help your thoughts as much. Grabbing some fresh clothes from your bedroom you didn't notice some things had been moved. Walking into the living room, you definitely noticed. "Frankie...?"

The Christmas tree was gone. The few ornaments were gone. The presents under the tree were gone but there was pile of stuff in their place. A book, a video game, what looked like comfortable clothes. While you were taking it all in Frankie come in through the front door.

"Frankie? What did you do?" You tilted your head at him.

"I thought we could just have our own holiday. None of that stuff or expectations. I drew up us a new routine." He gestured to the counter behind you. On a note pad he had drawn up a timetable, including all your favourite ways to pass the time. He even drawn a cute winky face next to a section labeled 'Playtime'. "I unwrapped your present. You can look at them whenever. I was just grabbing the recipients from my glove box. You can return anything you don't want. No pressure." He handed you all his receipts, well all except the one for your engage ring. That was now hidden, along with the ring itself. Waiting for a day where you were more yourself.

"Frankie...I..." Tears pricked your eyes. You knew none of this would magically erase your anxiety. Your body would just have to process this illness before you could take all the steps necessary to handle this time of year but for the first time in days, you could see passed it. There was hope. That you weren't going to feel this way forever. That even if you got better this time you wouldn't just be treading water until the next bout. That you weren't broken. All the things you kept trying to remind yourself now felt a little bit more real, thanks to Frankie.

Tags @kirsteng42 @babydarkstar @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @graciexmarvel @kinda-nobody

[heavennumber2]

My first fic! This is part one of a series I’ve called

Here’s One For the Othered

Series is rated E: Hopefully lots of sexy sexy filth later. This chapter is M (references to anxiety disorders, CPTSD, past sexual assault, pining, sexual references, Frankie being an awkward cutie)

I dedicate this series to anyone who suffers from anxiety disorders or CPTSD.

Part 1 stars our love Frankie Catfish Morales.

Part 2 will either be our baby boy Marcus Pike or Murder Daddy Dave York (open to suggestions).

Chapter 1: Christopher Columbus Did Not Deserve His Own Holiday

It takes a lot to make you angry.

Your focus makes you the epitome of calm; the soft sweet smile sewn into your face could placate any skeptic.

::Look at you, you beautiful swindler, blending in with the human race like you belong::

You unfortunately have something called a heart/goblin. You’re not sure if other people have it but it lives in the same cavity as your heart, it gets crowded, and it gets loud. And mean. It’s really really mean.

You don’t belong, you know this. You sit behind the invisible glass wall that separates you, the filthy, from them, the acceptable. They are so beautiful with their stories of family and jobs and childhood and social soirées. Sometimes their kindness shocks you. Some of these remarkable humans you meet make you feel… oh what’s the word… beautiful? Loved? Accep-

::Don’t worry, baby, it’s all temporary::

Damn heart/goblin.

You sit on the wooden barstool, laughter and rowdy music simultaneously provoking and calming the mean thing that resides within your rib cage.

Even with the rise and quiet of your fear, you are completely taken with the humans sharing the small bar table with you. You wonder if they feel like the Othered as well- you recognize the shadows in their eyes but have never been ballsy enough to question them.

There are four people sitting at this tiny elevated table on tiny elevated backless stools. Three are marvelous interesting phenomenal humans, one is you.

You fiddle with the napkin that was once settled under your wet pint glass. Eventually, it will be shredded into tiny rolls of paper. Said tiny rolls of paper will be arranged into a word or a shape that represents how you feel in that moment. Whole becomes pieces becomes expression. How fitting.

You share a close space with Syd, the mighty They, with their colorful hair and sharp wit. They smile with FIRE next to you. Their shoulders keep beat to music and loudly shouted stories (how archaic of them), and they wiggle their pierced eyebrows at you fondly. Oh how your heart/goblin jumps. There really isn’t enough space for that.

The other two friends of unspecified gender gaze at each other. It is soft and delicate and so goddamn sweet, you could barf and die all at once.

“Let’s go to the bar and give them space”, Syd the Mighty whispers, words slightly smudged with liquor. You’re so eager to be included in such a beautiful conspiracy that your agreed nod almost knocks the damn head off your shoulders.

Gorgeous humans, you think as your eyes lovingly gaze on the maybe- almost -kinda -couple. Friends, please? Can we be friends? Who made my eyes wet?

“We are gonna go grab a drink!” Syd the Mighty proclaims as they stand, “You sexy bastards want another round?”

The Coupled nods, hands on the precipice of clasping next to their near empty glasses.

“Money, please,” Syd extends their hand the way that girl does from that show they introduced you to. It’s very funny. Syd is very funny.

“No, it’s okay, I have this one,” you finally manage to squeak out. You really hope it isn’t a squeak.

You did get the last round. And the round before that.

But their look of appreciation melts you so much you would empty your bank account just to see it over and over and over again.

They all lovingly extend their perfect human paws towards you, mewling their thanks, and you blush. This is what non-othered people must feel like. It’s addicting. You’d die for them, you decide. Granted, you tell your cat this every day, but it’s the thought that counts.

It takes a lot to make you angry.

Especially now. Why would you ever be angry when Syd’s blessed fingers graze your shoulder as they guide you towards the bar. Why would you ever be angry when they plop their arms down on the sticky wood and tell you how happy they are you joined tonight? Why would you ever be angry when they sweetly nuzzle your shoulder and offer the drunken wish that you’ll be friends forever (your heart/goblin screams).

Could this be your forever?

Belonging?

This is terrifying and exhilarating and probably normal for everyone else.

The two of you snuggle while waiting for the bartender and you could die right now. Syd holds a strength you wish you could inherit, and with this strength, they hold you with their shoulders.

Is this belonging?

Oh, it’s nice. Friends are nice.

::Be careful, little baby, you don’t know this world::

Damn this heart/goblin.

It always brings you back during the most beautiful moments. So what would one do with this moment after being interrupted by the violent goblin in your chest?

You ruin it.

::Hahahahahahaha!!::

You just need one little trigger- or a trigger in shape of a large sticky emboldened hand.

This hand, aggressive and male, lands hard on your lower back, a violent manifest destiny trying to claim your body. This man is groping you- openly-

You yelp is shock- the proud feminist warrior in you freezes and you realize she’s still a child. Damnit.

The sticky Christopher Columbus of hands then tries to claim more territory even as you back away in protest.

“Come ‘ere baby, is all good. Relax, I’m jus sayin hi.”

“Back the fuck up!”, Syd the Mighty yells- oh this wondrous hero- their tongue works, yours is stuck behind your clenched teeth.

Columbus the Gross drunkenly shouts in defense. Words like bitch, slut, and ugly, are cannoned towards the two of you. The bullets are exchanged, shots fired, bald spots are insulted, gender is questioned, your age, your weight, your existence is thrown into the battle field without mercy. Columbus shoves you into Syd and it doesn’t take much to throw off your balance. He’s then pulled away by a group of people you’ve never met. He may as well have been pulled in by a machine- each hand works as an individual within a practiced group. Four sets of hands that grab and yank like rogues in the night.

Syd lets out a victorious “HA!” as Columbus crumbles to the ground. He mumbles a few sexist and homophobic quips (lazily repeated, you might add). These words are meant to stab but they merely tumble out of his mouth in defeat, cluttering to the floor lamely. This should be as funny to you as it is to Syd. But your skin feels too infected.

It’s time to ruin things.

You wait for Columbus to retreat to his corner. You hand Syd your debit card, and tell them you absolutely must must must use the restroom. You even add a hip wiggle to make it more convincing. Syd playfully hollers their approval at your fake sexy shimmy.

And you RUN.

Off to the toilets and smelly tile and mirrors and closed off spaces.

::Run, you coward.::

It takes a lot to make you angry-

Apparently that’s because you’re too afraid to feel anything outside of Othered. You coward.

This smelly bathroom is your only sanctuary in the habitable world- there is no other place for you to go. All other spaces are occupied by the worthy-

::This is what you deserve::

The skin where his hand touched feels… slimy? Poisoned? Something that isn’t YOU anymore. It took you so long to claim your body back from the last encounter. That one was worse- shouldn’t you be used to this by now?

You hear a bang on the door and a drunken “fuck- hurry- I gotta piisssss”

You don’t deserve this sanctuary either.

You fix the hair and make up situation quickly, check you lower stomach for bloat by turning sideways. Yup, bloat still present. Great.

The pounding on the door continues until you finally open it to squeeze by the very drunk walking bladder. It’s blind to you so you slip down the hallway.

Maybe it’s time to leave- the music is too loud, the people are too people, and you can’t seem to human right.

As you walk towards the exit, head down, like the coward you are, you launch yourself into a large physical body. It was like running into soft brick- like an immovable sandcastle.

::You lowlife:: your goblin/heart chuckles.

Yeah, you are. So you apologize profusely. You’re already reeling from being friends with people, any other interaction would destroy you.

“Oh god- I am so sorry- I wasn’t looking- I’m just- this is- I’m sorry”

Large Physical Body places their hands on your shoulders. Large Physical Body leans their head forward in concern. Large Physical Body has a voice. And very deep brown eyes.

“Are you alright, hermosa?”

The fuck?!

Since when do gods roam?

He is… broad.

He owned one of the pair of hands (very large hands- oh heavens) that removed Columbus from his unsolicited voyage of you.

He is power.

He knows what a panic attack looks like.

You can’t answer.

But he holds you gently.

And you hear him.

“Are you okay, hermosa?”

Again he asks.

“I’m okay… just-“

Your stupid emotions breaking your voice. Why have human emotions when you can’t even human in social interactions?! This is just cruel.

“How about you breathe with me for a second?” He says, “I need to breathe, too. We can help each other.”

Wow, he’s good. He takes away the pressure of being taken care of- of being the burden. If he needs it too, you will do whatever “it” is.

So you nod and look into his eyes. You inspect his face. Brown eyes, curls hidden under a baseball cap, whiskers that would feel amazing scratching against your inner-

“Breathe in for 5,” He says, giant hands still resting on your shoulders. He counts while you inhale. “Hold for 5”. You hold your breath the way you wish he would hold you- tightly.

“And exhale for 5.”

Okay, that’s enough. This isn’t about him anymore and you can’t really handle being some strangers burden tonight.

“I’m okay. Thanks. That was just a lot”. You halfway smile to ease any worry he has. It doesn’t work. He’s still worried. Fuck.

“I get it,” He drops his hands from your shoulders and suddenly you’re very cold, “Us grabbing at him like that probably didn’t help. We can get a bit rowdy without thinking.”

You quietly chat with him and he makes you feel slightly more human. You converse like a normal person- well, as normal as you can be.

His name is Francisco. You can call him Catfish or Frankie. You opt for Frankie (although you make a compelling argument for Catnip- which he almost accepts).

He’s here with his friends, he had a rough day, he’s adamant he can turn you on to non-alcoholic beer (just not the yeasty sludge they serve here) and he likes the movie Cabin in the Woods just like you and you two loudly discuss the elevator scene.

After a few minutes or maybe longer of beautiful conversation, you hear both of your names being called. Syd and Frankie’s group are no longer at the bar but situated at your original table.

They had made fast friends.

When you go to sit, you sit next to Frankie. He pulls his stool to be an inch closer to you. You like that but don’t comment on it.

You learn Frankie’s friends and their partners names. Will and his partner, Vince- a beautiful statuesque blonde man with his smaller and leaner (although spicier) boyfriend. Santiago and his absolutely STUNNING date, Emilia- you’d watch that happen. (Oh my god, stop). Benny and his girlfriend, Jess, who looks like the only person who could beat him in a fight. You feel the only reason Columbus isn’t dead is because the men got to him before Jess did.

And then there’s Frankie. Next to you all warm and broad and being all genuine and kind. Damnit.

You wait for your heart/goblin to interrupt but it is blissfully silent.

And you sit with them. You laugh at their jokes. You make jokes back. Frankie’s knee touches yours under the table. You quiver. Vince and Syd immediately connect over music and art and drag shows. Jess would have you smitten if you weren’t already addicted to catnip (oh my god, stop).

Santiago- “Call me Pope, honey,”- Pope makes the most horrendous sex jokes and you find him all the more endearing for it. His date loves it. You hope it works out.

Frankie’s knee slides underneath yours and you quiver.

Your heart/goblin is still quiet. You completely forget you don’t belong. That glass wall… gone.

You belong.

Frankie’s hand rests on your knee as he asks you some wonderful and personal questions. You want another club soda cranberry but you don’t dare move in case everything changes.

Have you seen the new Evil Dead movie?

What’s your favorite genre of music?

Would you ever drive cross country, if so, which country?

You learn he’s a helicopter pilot and he loves The Eagles.

He wants to know if you like Indian food. You do? He knows of a great new spot that opened up last month. You wait for him to follow that up with something- like a freaking invitation- but he swallows whatever words he was about to say with a quick swallow of his gross yeasty sludgy non-alcoholic beer. His knee twitches underneath yours.

You realize-

He also has a heart/goblin. Oh. You wonder if his is as loud as yours.

Time to save him the way he saved you.

“Do you want to come with me?”

He nearly sputters, his eyes wide, his knee under yours suddenly becomes very active.

“I… what?” He says, having to shout a bit as whatever Syd and Vince are debating over is creating an enthusiastic and jovial response.

“To… um… Indian food. I think- I’m gonna go to that new place. The place you said that just opened. Do you wanna come?”

More laughter from the group but you’re able to hold the delicate space between the two of you.

His eyes don’t leave yours as his thumb caresses your knee. He smiles. Oh that smile could kill someone.

“Yes.”

For the remaining 30 minutes of the bars opening hours, his hand and knee never retreat.

You have never felt so deliciously human. Drinks are finished, numbers are exchanged (you’re pretty sure Syd and Vince will be in each others wedding parties), Benny and Jess very pointedly invite you to their barbecue next weekend, everyone except you and Frankie take a final round of tequila shots to solidify new friendship, and you all say goodbye.

Before you could order your Uber-

“Would you like a ride home, Hermosa?”

You wonder if you quiet his heart/goblin the way he quiets yours. The way he looks at you makes you think you might. He’s standing close, outside in the damp air. You hear the bartender lock the doors behind you.

“That would be really… nice.”

Ugh that killer smile. You’re dying, you’re dead. Can you still kiss that which kills you?

He goes to make some space in the passenger side seat in his truck. You take a peak- books, baby toys, cables, what you believe might be non-perishable groceries. Geez, why does THAT turn you on…?

Then you see it. Him.

Christopher Columbus himself.

Drunk, angry, slighted, masculinity wounded like a weak baby bird.

He walks towards you like he’s loaded. You see in the corner of your eye Frankie jolt and begin to rush towards him.

It takes a lot to make you angry.

You are not angry.

You are done.

And you punch him.

::Fuck yeah:: says your heart/goblin.

Columbus crumbles like a sack of something rotten and unwanted.

Frankie half escorts, half throws you into his passenger seat. Within seconds, he is peeling out of the parking lot. The song Witchy Woman by The Eagles is serenading you from his speakers- how fitting.

Is he angry? Is he disgusted? Is he upset he couldn’t demonstrate his manly manliness by punching him himself?

No.

Frankie is laughing. He is howling with joy. His hand punches the steering wheel and he jovially compliments your right hook. He’s celebrating you. That killer smile is still killing and it’s the best death you’ve ever had. He calls you “Bad ass”, “Queen”, “Mother fuckin powerhouse”.

“Hermosa”.

He hands you his phone.

“Put your address is, hermosa, so I know how to get you home.”

You hold the slightly cracked and mishandled devise in your unpunched hand- the maps app open and ready for you to end the night.

“Actually-“ you say after you dislodge your voice from its hiding place, “Can we go to yours…?”

Only the music responds. The Eagles.

Woo-hoo Witchy woman

She’s got the moon in her eyes

You wait in animated suspension. Even your heart/goblin waits.

“I would love that, Hermosa

[pas-de-duex]

The Black Swan Ch. 16

Remus spent a few days with his brother. They laughed, they cried, and they simply enjoyed each other's company. 

But soon enough, Remus had to leave. 

“Must you go so soon?” Roman asked. 

Remus nodded. The sun was fully in the sky. Remus needed to make it to the forest before it set. 

“I...I understand. Take care of yourself, my brother.” Roman hugged his swan brother, then lifted him into the air. 

Remus thought while he flew. Roman and he talked a lot the past few days. Most of Remus’s conversations ended up revolving back to Logan. 

Logan was the only new thing in his life. 

Roman could talk about the feasts, grand balls, and other lavish parties their father constantly threw. He could speak of all the books he had been able to read, all the poetry he had been writing. Roman could gossip about suitors that came for him once a moon. 

What could Remus share? He was a swan for half of his lifetime. Before Logan, the most exciting thing that had happened to him was a large patch of algae had appeared in the lake during the summer solstice. 

Roman had given him plenty of advice. 

“Remus, just tell him the truth! If he truly loves you, he will accept you for who you are. Just like I do.”

Remus finally landed in the forest, just as the sun set. 

“Remus! Oh my goodness, are you alright? We were so worried for you! Where did you disappear to?” Janus embraced him as they transformed back into humans.

“I’m ok Jan, really. Honestly? I’m better than ok.” 

Janus and Virgil gave him odd looks.

“I’m in love.” 

[dragonjanusisthebestjanus]

The Dragon Lord

Pairing: Janus x Logan (Loceit)

Logan becomes the first ever mage to study in the dragon lands.

Trigger warnings: Fire, depictions of violence, attempted drowning.

Read it on ao3 here!

Taglist: @prince-rowan-of-the-forest @sleepy-nova-tea

Logan quickly tucked the mail into his messenger bag. He raced back up the stairs to his dormitory, attempting to avoid any students in his way.

“Excuse me, Pardon me, coming through!”

He finally reached his room and threw open the door.

“Patton,”

His roommate looked up from where he was studying his potions textbook.

“It’s here!” Logan gleefully plopped down next to Patton and dumped his bag all over his bed. Quills, ink, scrolls, binders, papers, and multiple letters fall from the bag. Logan quickly snatched the one sealed with a green stamp, and quickly opened it with a letter opener that had also come from his bag.

“What’s it say what’s it say?”

“They… I… I…” Logan put the letter in his lap, eyes wide and jaw agape.

Patton slipped the letter out of Logan’s hands. He read it and then wrapped his friend in a hug.

“Oh my gosh Logan! They said you can go! You get to be the first wizard to study in the dragon lands in a thousand years!”

“I get to, I’m; I’m,”

Logan’s smile widens. He returns his friend's hug; then stands and spins them around their room.

“I GET TO GO STUDY IN THE DRAGON LANDS!”

…

Logan hugged his roommate again as Headmistress LeFay opened the portal to the Swamplands.

“You’re gonna do great, Lo. I know it.”

“You are too! You get to study potions with Matilda the Swamp Hag!”

“I know! And it’s a dream come true for me! But it’s nothing like what you get to do, Logan. You have to tell me all about it next semester!”

“I will Pat, I promise.”

The roommates let go and Patton waved goodbye as he stepped through the portal.

“Alright, Crofter. You’re the last one. Are you ready?” Logan nodded at Headmistress Le Fay. She opened a new portal, and Logan took a deep breath as he stepped through.

“Good luck.” Headmistress Le Fay said.

“Thank you, Headmistress.”

The portal closed behind him. A few moments later a large, golden dragon descended in front of him. Logan stood in awe as the dragon transformed in front of his very eyes. A bright, golden glow appeared, then a man about a foot shorter than Logan appeared.

“Logan Crofter, I presume?”

“Um, yes, yes sir.”

The dragon chuckled. “No need to worry, Dragon’s don’t bite.”

Logan continued to stare in awe.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I tried to engage in what you humans call ‘humor’. Was that, was that not humorous?”

Logan shook his head. “I’m sorry. Yes, I suppose it was, humerus. I apologize, this is, this place is, amazing!”

The dragon around and took stock of his land.

“Yes, yes I suppose it is.” He turned back around. “So, you are Logan Crofter, correct?”

“Oh! Yes. Yes. I apologize again. I am Logan Crofter. Do you have a name? There isn’t much information on dragons in our realm,”

The man held out his hand, stopping him. “Yes, something I am trying to rectify. Beginning with allowing you to study here.” The man took a deep bow. “I am Janus, the New Dragon Lord. It is my pleasure to welcome you here, Mr. Crofter.”

…

Logan had the best time of his life.

He had learned Janus had recently won the title of Dragon Lord in The Gauntlet of Fire, after the previous Dragon Lord died of old age.

“So, you’re Dragon Lord for life? The old Dragon Lord’s child won’t try and usurp the title from you?”

“Of course not. I won the title fair and square. Is this not how it works in the human world?”

Logan shook his head.

As it turned out, The Previous Dragon Lord had been the one who kept the dragons isolated from the rest of civilization. Janus was now determined to reunite them with the rest of the world.

“It can only make us stronger. Why wouldn’t we want to be the best we can be?”

Logan had learned dragons were extremely vain. It made sense, from all the legends about them collecting gold.

Or other pretty objects.

Logan didn’t miss the ever-revolving rotation of pretty boys who left Janus’s chambers every evening.

“Janus, do dragons usually partake in…”

Janus had laughed from his throne. “As many sexual escapades as I? No. But being Dragon Lord certainly has its perks. And honestly Logan? I don’t even have as many as you think. Most come to me for this.”

Janus pulled down his shirt collar and showed Logan a bright red gemstone.

“Whoa…”

“Whoa indeed, my little mage. This is the last remaining Fire Ruby. It is the only thing that can heal any ailment any dragon may suffer. It is my duty as Dragon Lord to protect it.”

Logan sat on the armrest of Janus’s throne. “May I?”

The Dragon Lord nodded. Logan unbuttoned his shirt, fully exposing the Fire Ruby.

“It’s gorgeous.” He said.

“So are you.”

The mage allowed The Dragon Lord to connect their lips. Janus pulled him into his lap, and ran his hands under Logan’s shirt.

“Wait- wait.” Logan pulled away.

“Is everything alright, Logan?”

Logan stood up and took several steps away. “No, no, I just-“ he shook his head and sighed. “I don’t want to be another notch in your bedpost, Janus.”

Janus rose from his throne and took the human’s hand.

“Have you learned anything about how dragons court, Logan?”

“N-No.”

“You know dragons are jealous, possessive creatures Logan. If a dragon wishes to court another dragon,” he pulled the human back towards him. “They attempt to make the other dragon jealous by…bedding others.” He pressed kisses to Logan’s neck. “I understand now humans don’t see it that way, but,”

Logan’s eyes widened. “You’ve… you’ve been courting me?”

Janus nodded. Logan turned and pressed their lips together again.

…

Logan’s going away party was supposed to be magnificent.

Janus had mandated every dragon in the land show up. He spared no expense to make sure it had the best food, decor, and entertainment in all the lands.

“You promise you’re coming back?” Janus was in his halfling form, with his wings covering them both, his tail wrapped around Logan’s waist, and claws tangled in his hair.

Logan chuckled and pressed a kiss to his lover's ear. “Yes Jan, I’m coming back I promise. But I have to return to school and present my findings. Then I have to see my family for a little while.”

“Hmmm. I don’t see why I can’t write to the Headmistress. Insist you need to stay here. Then your family could come stay here! You can all be under my protection.”

“A tempting offer. However I doubt my Aunt Patty could make the trip. And before you offer to fly her here! I doubt she could manage the rocky terrain either.”

Janus grumbled and nuzzled back into his lover’s neck.

“I promise Janus. I will come back to you.”

The day was supposed to be perfect.

Logan happily watched the party from beside Janus.

“Why does that weak human get to sit by the Dragon Lord?”

Janus had gripped Logan’s hand.

“Yeah, like this whole party is already for him. Let someone else have a turn!”

Logan placed his other hand atop of Janus’s.

“You know, I could probably eat him in two bites! If we were allowed to be dragons, that is.”

“You know, the human probably knew we could! The human probably convinced the Dragon Lord to make the ‘halflings or humans only’ rule for the night.”

Janus had started to growl.

“You know they won’t try to do anything. Not with you around.”

One thing Logan knew: as self absorbed as most dragons were, nobody challenged The Dragon Lord.

The thought seemed to calm Janus. He slithered his tail around Logan’s waist again, although it was much more possessive than it had been that morning.

The two dragons that had been gossiping soon moved on, allowing Janus and Logan to resume enjoying the party.

After it was over, Janus and Logan indulged themselves by taking a long walk along the river outside Janus’s castle.

“You promise you’re coming back?”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Yes, love. I promise I am-“

A fireball appeared in the air. Janus quickly shifted into his dragon form and tackled Logan to the side.

“What the-“

Another fireball headed towards them. Logan quickly cast a spell, reducing it to nothing.

“Hold on,”

Logan hugged Janus’s neck as he took to the air.

“WHO DARE FIRES UPON THE DRAGON LORD?”

Another fireball came, specifically aiming for Logan. Janus spun in the air, allowing the flames to breeze past them.

Logan closed his eyes as he felt fire literally form in Janus’s throat. He let out a blaze all around the cavern, reducing several rocks into ash.

“SHOW YOURSELVES!” Janus roared.

Another fireball was launched. It would have hit Janus’s wing, had the dragon from earlier not came and swallowed it.

“You?”

“I’m, I’m sorry my lord! I was… I was aiming for the human.”

Janus snarled at the dragon.

“How dare you,”

The other dragon from earlier flew out and knocked Logan off of Janus. Logan watched the two dragons struggle for a moment before he cast a floating spell.

“Janus, look out!”

The second dragon came flying back around. He bared his teeth and bit Janus’s right hind leg. He kept it between his teeth as he dove towards the river, only releasing The Dragon Lord when his wings were in the water.

“Janus!”

Janus was struggling to keep himself above the water. Logan flew down near him, but ended up having to dive into the river when the dragon came back.

“Gostir, what the hell are you doing?”

The dragon didn’t reply to his friend.

“Logan! Logan!” The Dragon lord started thrashing violently, creating large waves in the river.

“Janus, Janus calm down-“

Logan was swept under by one of the waves. He tried to cast another spell, but his head hit the side of some rocks, knocking him out.

…

When Logan awoke, he was laying in a plush field beside a forest.

“Logan, Logan thank the gods! I thought I’d lost you!”

Logan coughed and tried to sit up, but Janus pushed him back down.

“You’re, you’re bleeding.” Logan pointed to Janus’s leg, which had bright red patches all down it.

“I don’t care.” Janus pulled his lover into a hug. “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.”

Logan returned the hug, but noticed something.

“Janus, the Fire Ruby?”

Janus shook his head. “It’s… it’s gone. I-I lost it going after you.”

“What? Janus! You-you should not have done that! The Fire Ruby is much more important!”

“Not to me.”

The two managed to somewhat pull themselves together. They tried to travel into the woods, back towards the Dragonlands. However, it soon became apparent that Janus’s leg was going to be a problem.

“Love, you’re, you’re limping. Here, let me make you a walking stick,”

“NO!”

Logan was taken aback. Janus had never yelled at him before.

“I’m, I'm sorry my love. But I am the mighty Dragon Lord. I have a reputation to protect.” Janus looked around, and eventually spotted a small cave. “Why don’t we stop there and rest for a while?”

Logan nodded. He took Janus’s hand and led him into the cave.

He worried about when they would be able to come out.

[hwaflms]

HAPPY NOW? ★ [ j.jh ]

your family has been pressuring you for months to bring your boyfriend, jaehyun, over for dinner, and you think it’s really sweet that they like him so much. the only problem is that your “boyfriend” jaehyun, hates you.

———————————————————————

[☆] PAIRING. ex!jaehyun x f!reader

[☆] GENRE. angst, smut, fluff | fake dating?, exes to ??? au

[☆] WC. 19.9k (i don’t even know)

[☆] WARNINGS. angst, reader has anxiety, mentions of anxiety attacks, fighting, reader be lying a lot, reader has a little sister, crying, reader is kind of a dumbass, explicit content (piv smut), unprotected sex (don’t do this gang!), fingering, sex in public kinda, pls lmk if i forgot anything!!

[☆] NOTES. i’m so fucking annoyed with tumblr it’s not letting me insert images properly UGH this took me over 2 hours to upload man 🗣️ im pretty proud of this one ‼️ idek how it got this long but it’s my longest fic yet and it’s been sitting in my drafts for ages until i finally got the inspo to write it :p i want jaehyun so bad it’s not even funny tbh but anyway PLS GIVE ME FEEDBACK/A REBLOG LITERALLY ANYTHING IS APPRECIATED <33

———————————————————————

six months.

you haven't seen this door in six months.

it's funny because, this was a door you used to push open and walk through every other day, yet now you stand on the opposite side of it, unsure as to whether you should even be thinking of knocking.

your hand is raised to the door, shaped like a fist but you make no move to actually knock. you were aware that you still had time to bail out of this, that you could turn on your heel and make your merry way back to your sad little house and go back to pretending you're happy with the choice you made six months ago.

or you could just do what you came all the way here to do.

the weather seems to be in your favour, at least. the sun shines radiantly, making the temperature warm, but not too warm, and a cool breeze travels through the air in short intervals. the summer had begun early, birds chirping in their habitual singsong way and wild bougainvillea already flowering in various shades of pink and lilac. usually when the day starts off with good weather, the rest of it follows suit, and thus your day is made better. hopefully, this is the case for you today.

pausing for a short, morale-boosting intake of air, you tighten your fist and knock, knock, knock on the mahogany door, immediately regretting your decision as you feel your stomach churn and plummet. a good ten seconds pass, and you hear no reply nor movement from the inside of the house, and part of you is relieved because that means he may not be home.

more than happy to do a 180° and skip along joyously back to the metro that would take you home, your feet begin to make for that trip but your mind decides against it. you know that you are being overly dramatic, but even with being aware of this, your heart rate does not slow down one bit. you also know that what you've come here to do is more than just selfish, its pathetic and rather embarrassing. it's also a hugely unsavoury request, and if your roles were reversed, you'd most definitely laugh in his face and shut the door.

finally somewhat making up your mind with a quiet groan, you raise your clenched fist and rap against his front door again in a set of three. you nervously shift your weight from your right to your left foot, then back to your right and then once again to your left, the anxiety and anticipation not allowing you to stand still and relax, thinking that if he doesn't answer this time, you really will just return home.

"hold on, i'm coming!", a hurried, muffled voice calls from inside the house and you don't think your heart has ever beaten this fast in your life. not even during the one time you ran a marathon to prove a point to your friend chenle, and while you did show him that you didn't only run to get away from spiders, your body took its own sweet time to recover from that.

now you hear footsteps approaching the door from the opposite side of it, and you don't think you can handle anymore of this tortuous, build up of a wait because you are quite literally one step away from calling it a day and just sprinting your way out of there, just like you did on the last few metres of the aforementioned marathon, and you know he's nearing the door because the footsteps are getting clearer and clearer, and soon he's going to open the door, take one look at you and just slam the door right in your face, but not before spewing verbal explosives at you, which would be totally deserved since he has every right to just spit on you and tell you how you're a terrible, downright horrible human being completely unworthy of forgiveness and-

"sorry for making you wait so long, i was-"

if your heart rate was at its maximum speed before, now it just stopped.

standing in front of you, in the flesh, was the man who's heart you broke six months ago.

jaehyun had just about opened his door in a way that his body was sticking halfway out of it, but he was now frozen in that position, neither in nor out, just stuck there looking like he was contemplating his next move. he adorned a loose, white shirt that clung to his defined shoulders and chest, paired with a pair of red plaid pants with a patch of some different material stitched just above where his knee was. you'd recognise those pants just about anywhere, having worn them a number of times and being the cause of that strange patch with mismatched material (you'd tried to balance a pot of steaming hot ramen on your knee in order to move something, resulting in it causing a burn in the pant).

his attire tells you that he was either just about to eat breakfast, in the process of eating breakfast, or about to finish breakfast; jaehyun was not an early riser and he liked to take his time getting ready for the day.

apart from his slightly changed hair, jaehyun looks the same as he did before, if not better. his once shorter, straight, brown hair, was now a darker kind of black and longer in a silky, mullet-y, layered sort of way, the mullet part stopping just above where his shirt met his neck and the front bits falling on to his face in thin, soft wisps.

everything about the man was captivating and entrancing, but if you had to pick a specific feature that really takes the cake, it would have to be his eyes. his eyes, deep-set and fierce, always gave the impression that he was cold or unapproachable, whereas in reality, he was the opposite. as striking as they may be, they always carried a certain warmth to them.

while they still held the same intensity to them, the warmth was missing as he looked straight at you now. after the brief moment of confusion when he first opened the door dissipated, the familiarity had sunk in, and his expression now was more or less unreadable, but you still tried to make out what he was thinking and feeling- was it shock? anger? maybe even disgust?

"okay, are you going to just stand there or are you going to say something?"

you think it was largely a combination of the last two. in all your fidgeting and gawking, you'd forgotten to actually speak to the man who's door you'd just knocked on, leaving him standing there wordless and confused, an eyebrow raised as he waited for you to open your mouth.

you try to do so, so many words wanting to tumble out your mouth but an invisible gate seems to block it, so now you're just stood still with your mouth opening and closing soundlessly, looking like an idiot.

c'mon y/n, fucking say something, anything-

"how have you been?", is what you decide to go with to break the silence in the end, an awkward smile plastered on to your face. you realise before the sentence is even fully out of your mouth that that would be a really weird thing to start off with, seeing as you and jaehyun have had absolutely zero contact for six months, and are obviously not on the most wonderful terms.

jaehyun's eyebrows furrow, a look of clear disbelief on his face as he clutches his door handle a little tighter. he looks away with a sarcastic smile, shaking his head before turning back to look you dead in the eye. oh, he's going to slam the door on you, you just know it-

"really? 'how have you been'?", he questions incredulously, licking his bottom lip while an exasperated smile plays at them. funnily enough, his response is somewhat relieving to your pitiful self, because you weren't even expecting to hear a reply to what you said, you figured he'd just walk away. you would've. "we haven't seen each for six months since we broke up and 'how have you been' is the best you've got?"

you wince apologetically and bite your lip, playing with your fingers nervously as he quite literally stares you down, irritation written all over his face.

he waits a couple more beats for you to break the tense silence and speak but you are inwardly (and outwardly) struggling to word your thoughts, so he simply scoffs and backs away to return inside.

"okay wait, i didn't tell my family that we broke up and they keep pressuring me to bring you home for the holidays, so i would really like if you'd pretend you don't hate me and come with me."

you don't even want to open your eyes to witness his reaction to your blurted little confession, so you merely stand, frozen in place with your eyes squeezed shut tightly. a couple seconds pass yet you don't hear a door slam, a good sign, so you take that as an affirmative to open your eyes.

he doesn't say anything, or do anything either really, he just leans against his doorframe with another indecipherable expression. this irks you even though you know you have no right to feel irked, but the fact that you once had the ability to know what he was thinking and now don't bothers you to the core. plus, it leaves you feeling unsure as to whether to continue. he might just start laughing at you manically or angrily tell you to get off his property like some bitter, 60-year-old man, and either of these scenarios would be completely fair of him to do.

the heavy realisation that your request sounded absolutely delusional and conceited dawns upon you, and something about his irksome expression makes you feel like you should keep talking. "you have literally every right to just tell me to fuck off, and i don't even expect an answer, i don't really know why i even came here, oh my god- this is so fucking stupid, i'm so fucking stupid and honestly i don't know why you're still standing here listening to me ramble-"

"i need to get ready then. give me ten minutes."

✧ ──────── ✧ ──────── ✧

the front door you're stood at now holds a very different ambience to the previous one. while jaehyun's was quiet and peaceful, the front door to your parents house reveals that the inside is just bustling with activity. the chorus of kate bush's 'running up that hill' plays faintly from behind the door, so you figured that your dad must have brought out his old record player from the dusty attic.

jaehyun stands beside you, hands shoved into the pockets of his light grey hoodie that you feel he must be boiling in, because you're wearing a black tank top with some loose cargoes that you think you might have drenched with sweat.

the sweat would be from the burning heat, but also from the agitation you're really starting to feel. there are so many different ways this dinner could go. what if jaehyun suddenly tells them the truth? then everyone in the room would hate you, and rightly so. you don't want to have to explain to your parents why you broke up with him; it's a stupid fucking reason, if you can even call it that, and it made you completely miserable. how were you supposed explain to your little sister that you and jaehyun aren't together anymore? you suppose relationships are a totally foreign concept to her young mind, but you were sure that she knew you and jaehyun loved each other very much. and you knew she loved jaehyun very much.

he does not look at you, instead choosing to really focus on the christmas themed welcome mat that your parents put out during the winter of '09 and never bothered to change. how he even agreed to come here with you, you don't know, but to say you're grateful would be an understatement.

"you still have time to back out, you know.", you mumble softly, trying to give him one more chance to escape, but he doesn't even spare you a glance, shaking his head and squinting at the door.

"let's just get this over with."

with a small sigh, your raise your hand to press your parents doorbell, the embarrassingly loud 'ding dong' ringing out from behind the door. "oh, that must be her!", you hear the muffled voice of your father speak from the inside, making a slight smile form on your lips.

within a couple seconds, you hear the sound of the muted metal bolt as your dad struggles to open the door to let you in. a grunt of "this damn door..." makes both you and jaehyun release short giggles, and you peek over at jaehyun to see his lips curl upwards into a smile, a small one but it's still breathtakingly pretty . he clears his throat and it's gone in a flash, but the image doesn't leave your mind, and you're still seeing it when your dad finally manages to open the door. "i really need to start using the new lock", he mutters, shifting his eyes to you with a big grin, leaving against the doorframe with his arms folded. "hello, sweetheart."

you chuckle and throw your arms around him, squeezing him a little as he laughs and pats your back in return. releasing you, he turns to jaehyun with a smile, who promptly sticks his hand out politely. "hello, mr. l/n, long time no see."

your dad ignores his hand, throwing his head back with a gruff laugh. "what's with all the formalities, come here, son.", and with that he gives jaehyun a hug as well, a slightly shorter one albeit, but a hug nonetheless. the word 'son' repeats in your mind like an echo, sounding more and more distorted the longer you focus on it. you can't even begin to think of what was going through jaehyun's mind. this was not your brightest idea.

you notice your mom waiting by the door with her hands behind her back, eyes bright and shiny. "hi, mom.", you beam, and she laughs cheerily, opening her arms for you to run into, which you do. she presses numerous kisses to the crown of your head, making you groan lightheartedly and try to escape her hold, but it only tightens. "oh, how i've missed you."

"i missed you too, mom.", you say but she's already let you go and is making a bee line for jaehyun with her arms open, who falls into the hug so readily and comfortably. "i may have missed you, y/n, but i missed jaehyun ten times more.", she jokes, pinching jaehyun's cheeks affectionately.

jaehyun is turning bright red, but he has a toothy grin on his face, a real one, you can tell. his eyes travel the front room where all of you are stood with a nostalgic smile, having not seen it or your parents in over six months. you watch as they look from the various photo frames hung up on the wall alongside the staircase, to the curtains that they recently changed, finally landing on the record player thay was sitting on the table. "wow, mr. l/n, where did you get this?", jaehyun asks, and you wonder whether he's trying to make conversation or if he's genuinely curious. you think it may be the second one.

while him and your dad engage in small talk about his record player, you turn to your mom to ask of the whereabouts of your little sister, and as if on cue, you hear an excited squeal from the top of the stairs. all four heads turn to see your sister bounding down the stairs hurriedly, paying no mind to your mom's strained shout of "careful!".

"y/n!", she piped, finally reaching the bottom of the stairs and running straight to you, wrapping her arms around your legs. she barely reaches your hip so her hug is really just her face pressed into your thigh with her arms squeezing your legs together, while you pat the top of her head.

somehow managing to pry her off of your legs, you kneel and give her a proper hug in return, now happy that you made the decision to come home for a bit of your holiday. she lets go and reaches into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper and jutting her hand out to you, urging you to take it.

you smile and furrow your eyebrows with confusion but you take the paper anyway, opening it as carefully as you could so as to not tear it anywhere. smoothing it out flat on your knee, you're greeted with a drawing; two people stand holding hands under a deep blue sky, a large yellow sun shining in one corner along with some "birds" that are really just little 'v's scribbled in black. they're stood on a beach, at least you think they are because there are two shades of blue on the paper, one of them probably being the blue hue of the ocean.

you assume the two people are you and your sister, since one of them has shorter, shoulder length hair and is miniscule compared to the other person, who's hair length and height are similar to yours.

you hold the picture to your chest and pull your sister in for another heartfelt hug, kissing her temple. "is this us?", you ask her, pointing at the two people in the drawing. she gives you a proud nod in return, taking the picture from your hands and holding it in front of her face. "yup! the big girl is you and the small girl is me! we're gonna go swimming.", she informs you, flashing you the toothiest of smiles. "thank you, it's perfect.", you tell her, ruffling her hair a little as she hands you the drawing back.

she clearly doesn't appreciate that, because she whines and swats your hands away, but soon her eyes focus on something behind you and they enlarge, the second excited squeal of the day emerging from her lips. "jae!", she just about screams, completely abandoning you in favour of running off to jaehyun, who has a wide smile on his face and looks equally as happy as her. he scoops her up in his arms and lifts her in front of his face, doing a little spin as peals of laughter escape her.

he finally puts her down but she holds on to his hand, looking at the male with absolute adoration. "hi, cutie.", he boops her nose affectionately to which she giggles, turning to look at you. "you didn't tell me jaehyun was coming!"

"i wasn't sure if he could make it", you reply to her honestly, looking at jaehyun as you speak because only the two of you know what you really mean by that. he holds your eye contact for perhaps a millisecond longer than he did before, but again, it was gone in a flash. he clears his throat a little and straightens up, rocking back on his heels.

sensing a shift in the air but mistaking it for some form of awkwardness, your mother shoos the rest of your family away in the direction of the kitchen. "they probably want to freshen up together, let's let them do that."

once they're gone, it feels like you can finally release your breath, truly seeing this situation going wrong in so many ways. they don't suspect anything yet, but how much longer until they eventually connect the dots? or what if they don't even need to do that, because jaehyun only agreed so he could embarrass you by telling them the whole story? you don't acknowledge the tense silence until jaehyun speaks up. "can i use the guest bathroom? still the second door on the right, yeah?"

you don't respond immediately because you're processing the fact that he still remembers these minute details. you also realise he's only asking because he doesn't want to share your bathroom with you, and that clears your thoughts up a little. you nod in affirmation and he begins climbing up the stairs, and you wait until you hear he's reached the upstairs landing before you move.

it's so tense. the last time you were in this house with jaehyun, you had taken a short road trip to get there. you say road trip, but it was just a couple hours long, but the playlist you and jaehyun had curated said otherwise. you arrived at the house and everyone was all smiles, your parents just happy to have you home and happy to see him as well. you think that part's just as hard as thinking about the two of you together. the fact that your slightly judgemental parents adored him, your little sister looked at him with stars in her eyes– you had lucked out in every department, and you were always aware of it, the joint guilt you felt from breaking it off and lying to your parents really getting to you now.

you swore that after this was over, you would apologise to jaehyun and finally break the truth to your parents.

finishing off in the bathroom, you step out into the hall, only to bump straight into jaehyun. backing up awkwardly, you both try to get past each but keep going in the same direction, resulting in a bunch of 'sorry–'s and 'wait– just–'s being blurted out by the two of you. finally getting past you, he doesn't look back at you again, just walking down the stairs mumbling something about "they're waiting...".

wincing, you make your way down the stairs as well, arriving at the living room to see your mom standing beside your dad with an excited expression on her face. you approach with caution, noting that your dad has his hands behind his back. "so...", your mother starts, raising her shoulders a little out of anticipation. "since we haven't seen the two of you in a while...we got you some presents! nothing too grand but..."

"mom, it's not even christmas", you whine, ready to argue with them because you feel bad that whatever they got was still overpriced, but your mother shakes her head, urging your dad to reveal the presents. "just take a look first..."

in one hand he holds a small, white box, no bigger than his palm, and your mom picks it up, holding it out to you. the print on the box is small and typewriter-like, the material it's made out of just screaming fancy. you narrow your eyes at your parents but take the box in your hand anyway, pushing it open. inside, it reveals maybe the prettiest necklace you've seen; dainty and silver, the chain is simple but it's the pendant that's the real charm– it's an uncut stone of some kind, a pale, translucent white crystal that's pretty much shapeless but it's wrapped in this thin silver wire that forms little loops and hearts over the stone and it makes it so alluring.

"it's a seaglass necklace", your mom speaks, taking the necklace out of its box for you and inclining her head for you to turn around. you're now facing jaehyun, who looks curiously at the new piece of jewellery with the faintest of smiles on his face. pushing your hair to the side, your mother places the necklace around your neck and clasps it (though it takes her a while, squinting and looking at the necklace hook from every angle because she forgot to wear her reading glasses). she leads you to the mirror by the entrance of the hall so you could get a better look at the necklace hanging on top of your collarbones, reaching up to touch it. "you remember? from that lady who owned the fancy place by the beach last summer?"

you do remember. that was the first trip jaehyun had joined you and your family for, under the suggestion of your little sister. when you brought up the fact that jaehyun was going back home to see his parents a little later than he had anticipated, your sister immediately asked if he would want to come with all of you, who were heading to the beach in a day or two for a little family getaway. and much to your surprise, your parents were very warm to the idea of jaehyun accompanying the lot of you. he must have severely impressed them the first time he met them, bringing a bouquet of flowers for your mother and a hearty bottle of whiskey for your dad– it's like he had won their hearts before he had even stepped inside the house.

of course, he had met them a couple more times again after that, but your parents had never raised any issues about your then boyfriend. your dad had claimed that he wanted jaehyun to come along so he could "keep an eye on him" and "see how he treats you in front of us", but you knew all too well he just wanted someone to talk to about his interest in sound systems. the trip had gone so smoothly, so perfectly and you think that it had planted the seeds of doubt in your mind about your relationship.

the position of the window and sun allowed for the light to bleed on to half of your face, the necklace glinting under the rays as you stood in front of the mirror and surveyed it. the last couple drops of the golden hour sun slipped through the windowpane and painted your skin like it was a canvass and the necklace was the cherry on top. you were radiant, and the look in jaehyun's eyes told you that he knew it too. when your eyes meet in the mirror, it's like he tears his eyes away from you, forcing himself to look at his shoes.

snapping out of your soon-to-be miserable thoughts, you fix a smile on to your face so as to not seem ungrateful, turning to hug your mother. "i love it", and you really do, knowing that you wouldn't be wearing a single other piece of jewellery for the next couple months.

jaehyun stands in the doorway soundlessly, just taking in the scene. he had always told you that he wished his family was as close and tight-knit as yours, but due to his dad always being away on some business trip or another and his mother having her own job to attend to, it resulted in a lot of time spent by himself.

you think that might be way he slotted right in with the rest of you, from the very first meet, because his desire to belong worked very well with your family's lively, chaotic home, which welcomed him right away. this was the main reason why couldn’t bring yourself to tell your family that you had broken up him mercilessly. they wouldn’t blame you of course, but you know everyone would be immensely disappointed when they realised that he hadn’t even done anything wrong in the first place; he was so good to you, and they just wanted to see you happy.

while your mom cooed at how pretty the necklace looked on you, your dad faces jaehyun with a wide grin on his face. "you didn't think we'd forget about you, did you?"

he probably wasn't expecting anything for himself, because you weren't either, so you and jaehyun simultaneously furrow your eyebrows. "oh, mr. l/n, you didn't have to–", he starts but your father is quick to cut him off, waving his hands. "what nonsense. of course we had to get you something, it's no big deal", he tries to appear nonchalant but the smile that creeps on to his face is a telltale sign that it is, in fact, a big deal. "besides, if you're family to y/n, you're family to us."

it's as if someone just stuck a large knife into you, the pang you just felt in your stomach. you can't even begin to think about what must be going through jaehyun's head, because even he can't hide the way his eyes soften at your dad's words. watching your sister spring up from the couch, she runs behind your father and plucks whatever he was holding out of his hands, now revealed to be a medium-sized bag. "i wanna give it to jaehyun!", with that, she's running over to him with the toothiest smile plastered on her cheeks, holding the bag out to jaehyun with stretched arms.

he ruffles her hair just like you did, but she makes absolutely zero complaints as he does it– if anything she's revelling in it. this makes you want to scoff, but you smile instead without thinking about it, taking a couple steps away from the mirror and towards them. "are you gonna open it or should i take it back to the store?", your dad jokes and jaehyun chuckles quietly while you don't even bother forcing a laugh, and he takes the bag from your sister's hands, mumbling a soft 'thank you'.

from where you're standing, you can't see what's inside the bag, but you can see jaehyun's eyes widen when he looks inside and back up at everyone. "me and mrs. l/n, i can't take this."

"of course you can", your mother tuts in response, dismissing him with her hand. "if i recall correctly, you had said something about your airpods not working properly?"

realisation dawns on your face when jaehyun pulls the shiny headphones from the bag, turning them over in his hand. "i think i did mention it, yeah...", he nods, eyes scanning over the clear box he holds. you remember that only one of his airpods would function properly, the other deciding whenever it wanted to do its job. you didn't realise your parents remembered, as well. "but these are so expensive, i can't–"

"do you like them or not?", your dad asks, shrugging his shoulders. jaehyun's quick to nod, "yes, i love them but–"

"then end of story." your father's not hearing anyone out, even going so far as to cover his ears jokingly when jaehyun opens his mouth again. after your sister tugs on his pant leg and urges him to try them out, jaehyun slips them over his ears, whipping his phone to connect them to it. he thought it was too expensive to try fixing his airpods so he resorted to listening with just the one ear in, or using your headphones till you broke up.

by the look on his face, they work just fine, and he couldn't be happier. a wide smile is pressed on his face, a real one that doesn't even drop when he makes eye contact with you. you smile back at him slowly, but he doesn't look away immediately, slowly turning to look at your parents. "i don't know what to say. thank you."

you'd had a couple boyfriends before, not none as close to your family as jaehyun had been. none of your previous relationships had lasted very long and you could never pinpoint the exact reason why, you just knew at some point that you had to break it off. your mother always thought that this was a result of your first ever relationship, the first and last man that ever dumped you. it crushed you at the time, though you were able to power through, but since then, relationships were never your strong suit. change seemed promising when you met jaehyun through a mutual friend, however. he was kind, he was smart and he was genuine, three traits that you didn't typically see in guys you dated, but you didn't see any reason to dwell on your biggest fumble yet.

the rest of time until dinner continues in a steadfast manner with all of you sitting in the living room. the scene looked like something out of a corny movie montage, but the beautiful part of it was that it was reality, all the laughs, the eye-smiles, the stupid jokes and conversations, all of it. your parents had recently returned from a holiday together that they took to celebrate their wedding anniversary, which meant that you two deserved to look through all eight hundred and sixty two of the photos they took. super proud of the new projector he had ordered off amazon, your dad had connected his phone to it and was going through his gallery slideshow-style, with your mom making offhand comments about every other photo.

"that's from when we went on a date to this fancy restaurant, that's from the shoe store your dad wanted to go to...oh! that's when your dad just learnt how to take 0.5x pictures on his new phone!"

your mom speaks animatedly while each photo is being shown, pointing out various different things without any prompting. there were badly taken selfies of your parents that made both you and jaehyun laugh, pictures of the different kinds of food they ate, the said 0.5's of your mother taken from the top of her forehead– your dad was slapping his knee even though your mom wasn't too impressed.

after what seemed like years, they ran out of vacation pictures and moved on to pictures and videos taken during your little sister's talent show. this was especially endearing, because your normally high-energy sister was suddenly all shy and avoidant of eye contact in the presence of jaehyun, particularly displeased with a video of her singing on stage.

jaehyun wipes the pout right off her face however, poking her cheek with a smile. "you sound amazing, s/n", he pipes genuinely, and she's back to smiling again, even offering to sing the song for everyone towards the end. no one has the heart to turn down so innocent a request, so for the next couple minutes you are subjected to a very slightly off-key rendition of some song from the movie 'frozen'. everyone cheers when she is done, jaehyun even throwing in a little "whoo!" for good measure, and your sister performs a small curtsey before seating herself between you and jaehyun's legs.

you're situated on the same couch, but only so that things don't look weird. you invited him here to pose as your boyfriend, and he agreed, so you have to play the part too. that part wasn't as hard as you expected, the acting like a couple, no, it was the avoiding questions that was really getting to you. at some point in the conversation, your dad had congenially asked jaehyun when the next time he'd be coming home was. normally, he would congenially reply with something like "as soon as possible", but this time, he just froze. he appeared to attempt a reply, but was cut short at "uh–", the rest of the sentence never following through.

hoping to repair the awkward moment, you start to construct a fib. "jaehyun's been uh– you know, working at one of those um, nursing homes–", this is too out-of-the-box a reply even for jaehyun who turns to you, trying and failing to the hide incredulous look on his face.

"a nursing home? oh, i didn't know you were training to be a nurse!", your mother is surprised but definitely not disappointed, placing her hand on her chest with a sympathetic look on her face as she looks at jaehyun. he looks as if he's trying to speak to you using only his eyes, widening and squinting them at a rapid pace, tilting his head towards you so your parents don't see his expression. there are clear signs of confusion and you're aware he's questioning your decisions, but that's as far as you get with his eye signals and you let him know by shrugging and wincing, so he closes them while sighing inwardly and turns to face your parents, a fake smile stuck on his lips.

"yes! haha, funny story, this one...", he grits his teeth but furthers your stupid concoction of a story, snapping his fingers while trying to think. "i'm not really training to be a nurse, i just volunteer there sometimes. love being around old people, you know, makes me feel full of life–"

you cut him off before he can make this even worse for the both of you, taking in your mother's furrowed eyebrows and your dad's slightly opened mouth. "yes, well, it's hard for him to catch a break, you know, with all the...", you slap your hand over his knee and give it a little squeeze, turning to him with a grin while he smiles tightly back at you, eyes focusing on the hand on his thigh without changing his expression. "...hard work he does."

jaehyun's eyes don't leave your hand, seeing as this is the first act of skinship in six months, albeit casual. your hand feels so hot that you think you might be burning a hole through the material of jaehyun's jeans, finally ripping your hand off of him.

"of course...", your father trails off in confusion, and no one can seem to make head or tails of the situation. in a moment, your mother pauses before clapping her hands, seemingly already forgotten about the strange situation as she chimes "dinner in five!~". your sister scampers off with claims of helping your mother out in the kitchen (and probably to try and secure a spot close to you and jaehyun), and jaehyun stands up and heads to the cupboard containing all your placemats without out even being asked. you offer to help but he shakes his head, and you opt to go sit back down on one of the arm chairs facing the kitchen area, just observing.

this was one of jaehyun's qualities that made you fall in love with him, but also pissed you off to no end. first of all, didn't he ever get tired of just being so good all the time? second of all, why couldn't his own parents see what everyone else saw in him? and thirdly, why did you choose to ruin your life six months ago? as for the last one, you knew why, but the extent of your stupidity was real apparent to you now.

you look away when he meets your eyes and catches you, your heart beating fast when you see out of the corner of your eye that his gaze lingers for a moment or two. underneath all that hatred, was there still a small part of him that cared about you? after you broke up with him, over call that too, he attempted to call you back two or three times, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up. out of fear or maybe even shame, you never answered his calls and since then, you'd had no contact.

it was impossible. with a break-up like that and six month's worth of time to sit and think about it, you imagine that one could hold a surprising amount of hatred for someone–especially after a relationship as real as yours. if you switched the roles, you think you wouldn't feel much different.

at your mom's signal, you heave yourself off the couch and to the dining table, seating yourself next to jaehyun (everyone expected you to sit with him, they left the chair empty on purpose). your sister has already claimed the spot opposite jaehyun and was patiently awaiting the vegetables that she knew your mother was going to pile on her plate, a little pout forming on her lips at the sight of broccoli. "you can't make that face every time, like i'm feeding you dog food", your mother scolds her with a smile, giving her a generous helping of veggies. the pout deepens and she folds her arms with a cross look on her face. "you guys don't have to eat the broccoli. why do i?"

she's got a point, you think, but before you can tell her to just eat them, jaehyun speaks. "that's exactly what my little cousin sungchan said...", jaehyun tells her, looking around the table with a dramatic sigh. "and we all know what happened to him..."

little cousin sungchan? as far as you know, there is no little cousin sungchan, and you know a lot about jaehyun's family, so you put your fork down in favour of listening to his story at the same time your sister curiously asks, "what happened?".

"well, like you, sungchan didn't like eating his veggies", starting off the story with a shrug under your mother's listening ears, he talks in a low voice. "he'd always argue with my aunt till one day, he refused to eat them.

your sister is knocking food around her plate while she listened to jaehyun, and she's not impressed with the story so far. "see! why can't i do that?", she asks indignantly, and your mother shoots jaehyun a look to which he winced and continues. "nothing happened for a while, so sungchan thought he had proved his point. but he hadn't heard of the veggie monster."

the story is heading in such a stupid direction that you almost laugh out loud, but you catch yourself when you notice your sister's expression, guarded and wary. "...the veggie monster? ...that's not real...", she speaks like she's not fully sure of her words herself, pausing her attack on her food.

"sungchan thought that too", jaehyun agrees, lowering his voice like one would when telling a scary story, looking around him like it could be listening before continuing, for the story's sake. "but he didn't know that without veggies, a child's body is weak. their bones don't grow strong, they stay small and their minds aren't sharp at all. that's how the veggie monster chooses his targets."

you hold back a snort at your sister's wide-eyed expression and how serious jaehyun looks, he's even got your dad attempting to look nonchalant as he followed the story. "the less veggies a kid eats, the weaker they get, and that's easy pickings for the veggie monster. he comes late at night, and there's no point in hiding because he knows. he can smell when a kid doesn't have enough vitamins and it makes him hungry."

with your sister, your parents and even you hanging on to every word, jaehyun lowers his voice to almost a whisper, and all of you lean in closer to listen. "legend has it that he looks so scary that you lose the ability to move or speak, so he just takes you. sungchan was never seen again. the police said he was missing but i knew what happened to him."

you have to admit, jaehyun can tell a story. the atmosphere felt more eerie as he concluded the story cryptically, but your sister looks positively gutted. "did he take him?", she questions, face white and voice small. he nods slowly, like he didn't want to be talking about this, and all you can think about is how this man deserved an award after the show he put on. "i had my suspicions. no one believed me, but i'm ninety-nine percent sure that at dinner, i saw a pair of dark, red eyes staring straight into the kitchen from the window."

as if nature was a paid fucking actor, a slight crash sounds from outside the window on cue, like if a cat knocked over a plastic bin, but you're pretty sure your sister shit her pants. you've never seen her shovel vegetables into her mouth at that kind of record speed before, even your parents are looking at her astounded. with her food in her mouth, she pleads with glazed eyes, "please– i'm sorry, i'll have my veggies, don't let him take me!"

it takes all of you a little while to convince your sister that she'd be completely fine if she ate all the veggies given to her and that the veggie monster wouldn't even think of her, but it's safe to say that she'd never leave a bit of stray carrot on her plate ever again. your mom comically mouths 'thank you' to jaehyun which makes you laugh, and you turn to smile at him, and he gives you a nod in return. small steps, you think, because a nod is a whole lot better than a glare.

the rest of the dinner continues as if nothing changed. sure, you and jaehyun knew things were different, but it didn't fully feel like it at the moment. your mom had prepared a lot of nice food for the occasion, and your dad even helped, particularly proud of the way his stir fry turned out. jaehyun made sure to compliment both your parents on their cooking, and they all but melted– he still knew exactly how to talk to them. conversation was easy; you talked about work, you talked about how university was going, you talked about the school play your sister was going to take part in, about jaehyun's parents, nothing was forced.

you'd fall into comfortable silences at times in favour of sitting back and observing, listening, just being a part of the moment. for someone who was so reluctant to be here, jaehyun seems comfortable, the familiarity of the situation helping ease the tension between the two of you. expecting some bumps along the way, you were rather pleased with how things were turning out, but you were also anticipating the end of the lovely evening– where you and jaehyun would eventually go your separate ways. you don't want to think about it just yet, not when everything was going so smoothly, and your opportunity to snap out of your thoughts is presented to you, just not in the way you would have liked.

your mother's question seems to have thrown jaehyun for a loop as well, because his eyebrows are furrowed and he looks blatantly confused. at some point during a lull in the conversation, your mother had politely asked jaehyun how his christmas in japan had gone; the only problem with this question was that he never had a christmas in japan, not to his knowledge anyway. this, was yet another lie you had told your parents, when they had asked why jaehyun hadn't accompanied you home to celebrate christmas, like he had originally planned to. unbeknownst to them, you had already broken up with him prior to the christmas holidays, so jaehyun wasn't exactly going to come along anyway. so, you told them that he had to spend christmas with an aunt in japan, for familial reasons.

you didn't exactly have time to prep jaehyun and give him a run down of every single lie he had to play along with, so he turns to you with a look of uncertainty and desperation in his eyes. "my, uh- christmas? in japan?", he puts emphasis on the two keywords, not blinking when he speaks directly to you in hopes that you would take the hint and help him out.

"yeah, your christmas. in japan. with your aunt", you reply to him with the same tone and expression as he does, trying your best to sound subtle so your parents don't catch on.

"yes, with your aunt! we were so sad to hear that you couldn't make it for christmas", your mother is unknowingly helping jaehyun catch up with the fake story, and he releases a short "ahh" during his moment of 'recollection'. "right, my real aunt who definitely lives in japan."

he grits his teeth when he talks, making you grimace and the fact that your parents look completely puzzled doesn't help. you need to save your dignity anyway, so you try to cut jaehyun off before he can make things worse. "haha, jaehyun of course she's your real aunt, silly", you awkwardly chuckle, feigning nonchalance when you bump his shoulder with your fist, wishing you could telepathically communicate with him right now, but you'd probably only be saying "please, please, please" on repeat.

he sighs but speaks up again, much to your relief. "it was slightly boring, my aunt doesn't do much", he laughs softly, fully back in character. "but you know, it's still nice to spend time with your family."

if your parents are suspicious, they don't say anything, seemingly satisfied with jaehyun's answer. dinner continues with few hitches until jaehyun insists that he washes the dishes. "it's the least i can do, after you both made such delicious food."

your mother at least tries to argue with him for a bit, but your dad is quite happy to not have to wash dishes, patting jaehyun on the back before standing up. what surprises you however, is jaehyun turning to you with the sweetest, most fake smile you've seen in a minute plastered on his face. "you mind helping, y/n?"

smiling tightly, you nod and begin clearing the table. this is done in silence, neither of you even looking at each other as you pick up dishes and carry them to the kitchen. your sister has run off to the living room to watch some t.v with your dad, and it feels like you're finally allowed to breathe when your mother exits the room as you’re picking up the last dirty dish. walking into the kitchen, jaehyun's back is facing you while he washes dishes, the environment and the little tune he's humming making everything seem so domestic in your eyes. this is how dinner used to always go when he came over, with you and him washing the dishes together in the end, taking breaks to splash each other with the soapy water or making out secretly by the counter.

but the air is foreign now, none of the former warmth or softness remaining. he turns to you with a frown when you place the final dish on the side of the sink, and he really doesn't look too happy. "visiting an aunt in japan? really?", he scoffs, looking incredulous while you look sheepish, avoiding his eye contact entirely.

you were expecting something like this but you hated being put on the spot. "i don't know, okay, what else was i supposed to say?", the exasperation in your voice is evident but it only fuels jaehyun, and rightfully so.

"i got an idea, how about 'oh, he can't come because i dumped his ass over call for no reason, sorry'?", he digs snidely, voice laden with scorn. there it is. "or is that too close to the truth for you?"

he doesn’t even let you open your mouth, chucking the cloth he was using to dry the dishes on the counter somewhere, folding his arms while he looks at you in a hostile way. “you wanna know how i really spent my christmas, y/n?”, he sneers sardonically, a sarcastic smile etched on to his lips. “alone in my house. miserable. i wish i had an aunt in fucking japan that i could’ve spent it with.”

you hate to admit it, but his words sting and you are well aware that you deserve it. just asking him to join you for this dinner was a huge reach, a request you really didn't expect him to accept. you don't fully understand why he did, though. he clearly despised you, so many be it was out of love for your family? you know jaehyun cared for them, but doing all this was uncharacteristic even for him. when you don't say anything but wear an agonised expression on your face, jaehyun further questions you.

"do you not have anything to say for yourself?", he tries again, his voice a little softer and more hopeful than before but you look like you're fighting some internal battle that doesn't involve him. he exhales deeply, clearly disappointed in your lack of an explanation and just walks past you and out of the kitchen.

you remain in the kitchen for a couple beats more, trying your level best to collect yourself. you can feel tears pricking the corners of your eyes and your breathing is quicker, but this is the absolute worst time to have a little panic attack in the kitchen. how you wished the two of you could just forget about everything for a minute so you could wrap your arms around his figure and fall into his embrace, feeling like that would solve all your problems. it's selfish and wrong, but you know that you're not getting over jaehyun anytime soon.

you'd come to that conclusion a couple months back. the first month after you broke things off with him was possibly the worst time of your life, struggling to eat, sleep or even get out of bed. your friends urged you to reach out to him like they knew you wanted to, but you remained stubborn, convinced at the time that you had made the right decision that would hurt the least for the both of you. you were wrong, you could see that now, but you knew it was much too late. you'd already gone through all the stages of grief, but seeing jaehyun again in this environment had really gone and thrown a spanner in the works for you, all because of your terrible decision-making skills.

any hopes you had of the two of you at least being on semi-friendly terms had just flown out the window as well, and you suddenly think that this might've been the reason why jaehyun even agreed to come. an explanation. a well-deserved one at that. you don't know why you find it so hard to give him one, but you suspect it's because you're not ready to face all that yourself.

upon hearing your mother faintly call out your name, you realise how long you've been standing in the kitchen, taking a couple more deep breaths before you join the rest of them. it's clear that everyone's winding down, your sister curled up on your dad's lap, trying to blink away her sleepiness, while everyone else mutedly watched the television. "didn't mean to keep you all up past your bedtime", you try to joke lightheartedly because your parents look like they're about to hit the hay themselves, but it's really so that no one suspects you were having a little breakdown in the kitchen; especially jaehyun.

"you're not wrong", your dad agrees gruffly, stretching a little before tapping on your sister's cheek to wake her, much to her displeasure. "it's technically your mama's turn to put you to bed, isn't it?", he attempts, but is quickly shot down by your mother, pinching his arm after claiming it was certainly not her turn. after their grand performance, both of them comically turn to look at you with a suspiciously bright look in their eyes. you don't even have time to argue, because the second the hint of a sigh leaves your mouth, they're saying "thank you" and "how nice of you to offer", urging your sister to wake up to let her know that you'll be tucking her in tonight.

she perks up a little at this, nodding with a little glint in her eyes. hopping off your dad's lap, she sleepily totters over to you. "can jae come too?", her voice is hopeful and small, and she yawns in the middle of her sentence but she just has this certain charm that makes everyone unable to say 'no' to her. this includes jaehyun, because one look from her with her arms raised and he's picking her up, pretending to complain about it. you can't help but smile at the whole interaction.

"oh quick! before i forget...", your mom gasps in remembrance, picking her phone up from the coffee table with a tired smile. "don't know when i'll get to see the two of you again so, pictures!"

this may be the only part you were slightly prepared for. your mother had a special affinity for taking photos; not that she was any good at it, she just enjoyed capturing these little moments and treating her gallery like a scrapbook. she had more or less documented the entirety of you and jaehyun's relationship, from the first few months where all the photos were cheesy smiles and awkward poses, to when you had grown more comfortable around each other. in fact, a photo she had taken of jaehyun was your wallpaper for quite some time (it took a lot of effort and explaining to help your mom airdrop you the picture)– it was a shot of jaehyun and your sister grinning from ear to ear, both adorning aprons that were covered in flour after a failed attempt at baking cookies.

the point being, you're pretty sure jaehyun was also expecting the pictures, so it didn't really surprise you when he plastered a smile on his face and came to stand beside you. his hand finds the small of your back soon enough and it makes your body stiffen while simultaneously sending a jolt through it, and jaehyun feels it. mistaking the action for uneasiness, he immediately lifts his warm hand off you so that it's now hovering awkwardly over your body, though no one can see that from the front. while you are disappointed, you lean into him anyway, clasping your hands together behind your back as you both give the camera wide smiles. you're so close you can smell his cologne and it's making you dizzy, not because the scent is overpowering but because it's just so familiar and you can't get enough of it.

the moment is gone in a flash because your mother takes three to four photos while cooing at the two of you before she decides to call it a night, and then jaehyun is ripping himself from you. you don't think anyone else recognises it, the way he seems to want to be as far from you as possible because he's so good at masking these things, but you can feel it. you can feel this heat radiating off of his body whenever he's near you and it's not the warm, fuzzy kind of heat. the spot on your back where his hand rested still burns a little.

your parents are exhausted and look more than happy to be able to jump straight into bed, but not before thanking you and jaehyun. you hug and kiss them goodnight, promising that your next visit will be sooner than this one before they exchange pleasantries with jaehyun, making him promise the same. you know this has to be hard on him, making a mental note to apologise profusely before you part ways. with a reminder that the door now locks from the inside, they bid you goodnight and goodbye, trudging off to their room while your sister scampers up the stairs to hers, suddenly full of life.

you understand why your parents were more than happy to hand over bedtime duties to you and your "boyfriend", because putting your little sister to bed turned out to be a piece of work. she started off by blatantly refusing to brush her teeth, but jaehyun had that one sorted when he reminded her that the veggie monster had a lot of friends, so that was done. she changed into her pyjamas all on her own which was a relief, but you were at a loss over how to actually get her into bed.

you both humoured her for a bit, understanding that she was just happy to have her big sister and her big sister's nice boyfriend home again, so a little excitement was expected. jaehyun played along with her, which was a sight to see, following along with the characters she assigned him in her imaginary games. but when bouncing on her bed turned into running around the room like a crazed bunny, it was a little harder to convince her that she needed to sleep now. "look at me, i'm wide awake", she insists, widening her eyes with her fingers to show you both just how awake she was. jaehyun tried a couple times to catch her, but you're both taken by surprise at her remarkable speed and agility. in the end, you had to resort to just sitting down and hoping that she'll tire herself out, which eventually does happen.

she climbs into bed of her own accord, rubbing at her eyes while you pull the duvet over her body, up to her shoulders. "when are you coming next?", she mumbles curiously while you sit on the edge of her bed, jaehyun standing close by. "soon", you reply honestly, knowing that you'll always have a safe place to come to whenever you need. "maybe i'll even stay for a whole weekend next time."

she likes the sound of this, smiling tiredly with her hands peeking over the edge of her cover, holding it closer to her. "will you come too?", this question is directed towards jaehyun, who looks defeated when he opens his mouth to answer. it's not fair, expecting him to lie to your family like this, but you know you've gotta come clean soon. you'd made up your mind at this point and come up with a plan; you'd explain yourself to jaehyun and apologise after which you'll go your separate ways, then you'll tell your family the truth after tonight, or at least make up a more recent break up, and that's that.

when jaehyun looks to you for help, you play with your hands a little, not fully knowing what to say. "if the old ladies at the nursing home let him go, maybe...", is what you decide is the safest option to go with, and your sister seems satisfied enough, giggling drowsily. you know she's close to falling asleep, and you're about to inwardly celebrate a job well done when she pops her next, unexpected question. "will you both be together forever?"

oh. there's a hint of teasing behind her voice, but everything else about the question is innocent and genuine, blinking her eyes open so she can look at the both of you when you answer. though you're not touching him, you can feel jaehyun stiffen next to you, his voice sounding more than a little awkward when he lets out an involuntary "uhh".

"what do you mean, cutie?"

you don't know why he asks that, because it's a pretty straightforward question; will the two of you be together forever? you want to laugh at the irony because you know that if she had asked the same question last time jaehyun came home, you both would have exchanged knowing smiles, giggling shyly while you tried to answer. the answer would've been 'yes', and you know deep down that it still should be.

she clicks her tongue like it's the most obvious and easy question in the world, shrugging her shoulders when she speaks. "you know, that's what people do when they're in love,", she answers with no hesitation, and you want to roll your eyes because who kidnapped your little sister and replaced her with dhar mann? "just like mommy and daddy!"

"daddy and mommy are married, sweetie, it's a little different–"

"i know that", she cuts off your little improvised answer in a deadpan voice that almost makes you feel stupid, but all her questions have your heart thudding against your rib cage, and you're praying to god that jaehyun can't hear it too. "but still, they love each other, and that's why they're together forever. don't you love each other?"

you're pretty sure the world stopped spinning and your heart stopped beating simultaneously, most definitely not expecting these kinds of questions from your sister. how do you even prepare an answer for this kind of situation? you know for a fact that your cheeks are coated in a dark sheen of red, and out of the corner of your eye (because you refuse to look at him), you’re pretty sure you can see the distinct pink colour paint the tips of jaehyun's ears, like they always do when he's shy or embarrassed. you can't not give her an answer, because that looks weird and she's clearly waiting for one, but answering meant that you either tell her the truth, that no, you will not be together forever because your dumbass went and ruined everything for the both of you six months ago, or you can lie and say that she's right, which would be admitting a lot of things that you didn't want to admit–

"nothing's for sure, but you're right, if two people really do love each other...", jaehyun's deep voice brings all your spiralling thoughts to a halt, and you look at him for the first time in a bit, only to find that he's already looking at you, gaze raw and piercing. you hold your breath when he speaks, because you don't trust yourself at the moment. "...they'll end up together forever."

you hear your sister make some kind of a reply, but the heartbeat in your ears is so loud that you don't quite catch it, the eye contact you're holding with jaehyun so intense that it feels wrong to look away. what could he have possibly meant by that? or was it just some half-assed answer to get your sister to go to sleep? you realise that staring at him while trying to use your sixth sense to nonverbally convey these questions to him isn't going to work, but you can feel the lump forming in your throat, needing to get out of this situation quickly.

it takes everything in you to break the eye contact in favour of pressing a quick peck to your sister's temple, and she looks about ten seconds away from just crashing. "night y/n, night jae...", and with that she's out like a light, and you two wait wordlessly until her breathing evens out before silently exiting the room.

once her bedroom door is shut, you make a beeline for the front door, way too scared and vulnerable right now to look at jaehyun. he doesn't say anything, so neither do you, making sure the door is actually locked before taking your phone out of your pocket. the time on your phone screen reads '11:43', and you know it's too late to try and catch the metro or a bus, but you're too stubborn and embarrassed to ask jaehyun to drop you.

the air is cold outside, much colder than it was inside your warm house. at the current moment, there is no breeze either, the trees are still and there are only a few lights on around the street, and it just makes everything seem so still and loud. you look out at the road, eyes zeroing in on this one lamp post where you shared one of your first few kisses with the man standing beside you. it's crazy how time can change things, you think, because never would you have believed in the moment that jaehyun called you "the most beautiful girl in the world" before leaning in to sweetly connect your lips that he could ever be something so close to a stranger within months.

ultimately opting to look at him, you're once again unable to read the expression on his face as you try your best to speak your mind to him. "um, i'm gonna book a cab, so you're officially free to go. thanks again for tonight, you really didn't have to come with me, so i owe you one. or i don't have to owe you one, because we're not going to see each other again- anything's good with me, just uh...thanks."

he waits patiently for you to finish, and aside from the slightest hint of amusement in his eyes, you're at a loss over what he's really thinking, but his face is so stupidly handsome that you're feeling angry and a little awkward, choosing to look around, and at the floor, playing with your fingers as you spoke.

"you're so dramatic y/n, i can drop you home, it's no big deal", he's already walking towards the road and biting his lip, and you can't tell whether it's out of habit or if he's trying to hide a smile, yet something tells you that it might be the latter.

"so you just let me say all that even though you were gonna offer to drop me? dude..."

the initial ten minutes of the drive are uncommunicative, both of you choosing to look at the dark road instead of acknowledging the awkward silence that was swallowing the car up whole. you don’t talk about your argument in the kitchen, you don’t make small talk about dinner, you don’t talk. you'd normally play some music in the background and you know that your phone is definitely still connected to his car's bluetooth, but somehow it just doesn't feel right– punishing yourself by sitting in this impenetrable silence should do you better.

the roads are more or less empty, save for the lone car or bike that speeds past you. jaehyun knows the way to your house from your parent's because of the amount of times you've driven back and forth, so you don't feel the need to tell him to turn right or to keep going down a certain road, making for even more silence.

part of you is still a little thankful that it isn't the most short drive, even though you aren't even speaking to each other. all it takes is picturing your empty house, devoid of the homely domestic feeling it used to carry when jaehyun was a frequent visitor. what would you even do when you got home? wallow in self-pity over your life choices? play 'sweet' by cigarettes after sex because it reminds you of him, then put on his hoodie that doesn't even smell like him anymore, just so you can curl up in bed and have a good cry while you reminisce? you're starting to think that maybe attempting to talk to him isn't the worst idea, at least it'll give you something to cry about later.

you're going crazy wracking your brain, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't make the atmosphere even more uneasy, but all you got was "hey, thanks again for coming" and "hey, sorry for breaking up with you, what's good though?". you can't even help the wince creeping on your face, finally choosing to go with the former before you have a heart attack and die in jaehyun's front seat.

"thanks again for agreeing to come", you start, absolutely hating the break in your voice from not talking for some time. "you really didn't have to do that. and for dropping me."

he offers you a quick nod in your general direction and fixes his eyes on the road ahead like he was zipping through a crowded highway, though you're sure there isn't a car in sight. "like i said, it's cool", is all you get in return, and you have to remind yourself that he has every right to be short with you.

but still, you try again. "and you don't have to worry about my parents", chewing on your bottom lip, you actually look at him this time, hoping it'll prompt him to do the same, but it doesn't. "i'm gonna tell them the truth."

he releases a short breath from his nose like he finds your statement funny, but continues to not really say anything, just nodding to indicate that he heard you. you subconsciously clench and unclench your jaw at that, because god, he's so fucking annoying, but you swear you don't mean to release the slightly irritated sigh that you do. if you hadn't seen his knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping the steering wheel, you might not have known that your little sigh pissed him off, because you can't tell it from his face, save from the barely-there eyebrow twitch.

you don't know what it is about car rides with only one other person that make you feel so vulnerable, but you think paired with this kind of silence, you could potentially confess to murder in this setting. it's infuriating, how unresponsive he is, and part of you thinks you're jealous of the control he's exerting, because you're dead sure that if you were in his position, you'd have a fair amount to say. it must be satisfying for him in a way, watching you squirm like this out of guilt and discomfort, but you know in your heart that jaehyun simply isn't like that.

"look, jaehyun", your mouth is working faster than your brain, the silence proving to be too much for you to handle. "i know i fucked things up a bit. with how i ended it and everything..."

perhaps you should've taken a little more time to properly articulate your thoughts, because even jaehyun can't control the astounded scoff that slips out of his mouth. you yourself can't believe that you chose to deliver your words like that and it makes you sound so self-righteous, but they're out, and now you're bracing yourself to finally hear what jaehyun really has to say.

"fucked things up a bit? are you serious?", you can hear it in his voice that he's holding back, but he chooses to laugh in disbelief instead, which you think is actually worse than him straight up screaming at you. "y/n, you didn't even bother telling me in person. you dumped me over the fucking phone, saying it wasn't working."

you now kind of wish that you had just kept quiet and sat in his awkward car, and exchanged awkward niceties when you reach home, never to see him again. but this is your final chance at some form of redemption, and now that jaehyun was actually speaking his mind instead of giving you tight nods, you tried to explain yourself.

"jaehyun, i know, i just–"

"i called you a bunch of times. i tried to come see you and everything, but you went and changed your lock and all your friends were saying you didn't want to see me?"

there goes trying to explain yourself. so you sat and listened instead, and it was the least you could do. jaehyun's voice became more and more strained as he talked, the emotions he was feeling now a lot more evident. he was angry, but more importantly, he was confused, and sad.

"i just- i didn't know what went wrong, you know? we were completely fine as far as i knew", he continues on in a laboured way and he's not looking for you speak right now, so you don't. "fuck i- i thought we were in love."

the little laugh he lets out in between his words more or less breaks your heart, the whole scenario sounding all too familiar. those exact words were the last thing you'd heard from jaehyun before you fully and cruelly broke things off, letting him know the decision was final before cutting the call. you remember that day so clearly. you had meant to go see him and explain all this in person, that’s the whole reason you were in the car, but for some reason, you just couldn’t do it. you remember how much your hands were shaking as you waited for him to pick up the call, sitting in the car by yourself in the middle of your driveway. how long you sat and cried after you ended the call, tears falling until there weren't any left. how it began raining the very second you stepped out of your car to go back inside.

the weather was a funny thing, choosing to mirror your mood only when it saw fit. it was warm and sunny on the day you broke up with him, gentle breeze and wispy clouds all around. it was warm and sunny this morning, the weather ever so pleasant as you plucked up the courage to walk to his door. it was still unusually warm and sunny for the couple months following your break up, feeling sour as ever that the weather was so lovely and all you could do was sit in your room and feel sorry.

you took note of all these occasions because it always used to piss you off. though you shiver now in the car, you think it's kind of satisfying in a way, because the only two times your mood and the weather lined up was right after the break up, and the second you stepped outside your house with jaehyun; it feels like a premonition, or a revelation of sorts. the grey of the stormy sky matched the absolute devastation you felt after breaking up with him, rain pouring from the heavy clouds like they were crying for you. now, the cold, still air feels like baited breath, awaiting your next move.

"and nothing, i hear nothing from you for six fucking months until you're suddenly on my doorstep, asking me to pretend to be your boyfriend for a night. that's fucking insane!", he sounds a little wild now, very exasperated, but you figure it's probably better to just let him get it all out of his system, and you'd do good to listen to him as well. everything he's saying makes complete sense, all the emotions he dealt with akin to what you would've gone through had it been you in his place. "and you know what's more insane? i agreed. after all that, i agreed."

that’s the part you don’t understand. your heart is racing listening to him and you have so many thoughts swimming around in your head, it's difficult to filter them. you feel similar to how you felt back in the kitchen, although this time you can't take a minute by yourself to get over it. you absolutely refuse to cry in this moment, not wanting to seem like you're trying to victimise yourself when you are aware you're the problem. but you can feel your heart breaking all over again.

"why did you agree?", you physically can't raise your voice to louder than a whisper, the tension too thick to try and overpower it.

"why did you dump me?", he counters like a child, and while you were expecting the question, it still makes you freeze up a little. he huffs in annoyance when you don't say anything, inclining his head while he waits expectantly for you to answer. "you wanted to talk? let's talk, y/n. you don't get to just waltz back into my life like it's nothing. it's not fair,"  it's so cold, the way he says your name, but you try your best not to let it further shake you, mustering up the courage to finally speak. "it's so stupid, jaehyun."

he looks like he's about two seconds away from just combusting, the only sound piercing the cold air being the gentle hum of the engine. "don't you think i deserve to know?", he urges, voice edged with hurt and frustration. "i spent the whole day with you and your family, pretending like everything was happy and normal when it's not."

"i know, jaehyun-"

"then, tell me."

you shift uncomfortably in your seat, teeth toying with your bottom lip as you avoid looking at him. "i don't know," you murmur, your voice barely audible to yourself over the pounding of your heart.

"you don't know?", he repeats incredulously, his tone tinged with disbelief. "after everything, you don't know? don't lie to me, y/n."

your throat tightens as guilt washes over you, but you try to stand your ground. "i just... i couldn't do it anymore," you confess, voice trembling with emotion.

"couldn't do what?", he presses, his frustration mounting with each passing moment. you know he doesn't believe you, dead set on getting the answers he deserves. he's driving slowly now, allowing him to turn his head in your direction more often.

"this!", you exclaim but immediately recoil when you see the look of hurt flash in his eyes. "no! not this, i mean- me! it's my fault, you did nothing wrong." you're saying all the wrong things, but you're too overcome with emotion to attempt to form a coherent sentence. still, you know it's time that the truth came out, so you continue to explain with a heavy heart.

"i didn't mean to hurt you," you choke out, and your voice is so thick you have to swallow before you carry on. he looks indignant and rightfully so, but you go on before he can interrupt you again. "but i was so scared, jaehyun."

his expression softens at your state, replaced with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "scared of what?", he asks quietly, his words hanging heavy in the air. you feel the need to pause for a moment, hands balled into tight fists as you try to regulate your breathing. you really didn't take into account how debilitating the night would be on yourself. sure, you knew it was going to be tough seeing jaehyun again, especially if he agreed to pretend to be together, but you weren't really expecting to hash it out like this, the weight of your decision pressing down on your like a leaden blanket.

the car moves so slow it may as well be still but  when you turn to him, you can feel the burn of jaehyun's gaze, his eyes searching for some semblance of understanding. "i loved you", he whispers, voice cracking with the intensity of his words. "i would've done anything for you."

you're still, you're so so still. tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you struggle to find the right words to say, but he's completely thrown you off. the car has slowed to a stop, engine idling before he eventually turns it off in favour of turning to you.

"that's exactly why," you reply weakly, your voice a fraction of the volume it normally is. he surveys you intently, his expression a mix of confusion and hurt, eyes reflecting the very same sadness you feel.

"what do you mean?"

"i was scared of hurting you," your confession does nothing to ease his confusion, but you can see he looks more shocked than anything now. "scared of hurting me?," he echoes, his uncertainty and disbelief palpable. "this is so ironic, it's almost funny..."

you think hearing any more of what he has to say is actually going to kill you internally, so you know you have to rush to explain before he starts giving you a piece of his mind again. "i know, it's so fucking stupid, jaehyun", your voice is trembling from the sheer guilt you feel, bottom lip quivering so much you have to bite it to get it to stop. "everything was going so perfectly, you were so perfect, and it scared me so much."

he falls silent, much to your relief, his expression even softening minutely as he processes your words and this gives you the encouragement to continue. "remember that night on the beach? on the trip last year?", you speak tentatively, wanting him to understand your thought process and the tangled mess of emotions swirling inside you at the time, though it's not much of a defense. the memory floods into your mind so vividly, and you can see it all; the salt in the air, the gentle breeze, the feeling of the sand, your intertwined hands swinging. it was so serene and you'd give anything to be there in that moment again, though it's nothing but a distant dream now.

he nods slowly without speaking, and you release a wet sort of laugh, feeling like you'd choke on the lump in your throat. "we talked about everything that night, our families, our childhoods, our futures...and then you brought up what would happen after we graduated college."

you know he remembers because his eyes light up with recognition and he looks like he's replaying that exact moment in his head, and you hope he remembers it with the same soft, gushy feeling you do. "you said you wanted to move in together, and don't get me wrong, i was thrilled, but it made me realise how...serious everything was, you know?", your voice catches in your throat and you're talking to yourself as much as you're talking to him and he seems to understand that, because he makes no attempt to stop you.

it's silent again for a bit as you two reminisce, but you break it again. "i just knew i was going to fuck up, jaehyun. maybe not right away, but eventually, and the thought terrified me," you sniffle a little, not being able to bring yourself to look up from your hands to meet his gaze. "that feeling never really went away, and it was eating me up from the inside. it got so bad that i had convinced myself that you were going to leave me, so i had to do it first, before i fucked up."

your sorrowful confession hangs in the air like an echo and you finally give in to the urge to look at him, and you're shocked– he looks at you so carefully, his expression soft, much, much softer than before. you couldn't stop the tears from finally falling if you tried , the soft glow of the dashboard illuminating the contours of your now wet face. your shared eye contact makes you feel nervous, but not in the way you were expecting– it's too gentle, too raw and it makes you feel a certain way.

"i know it's not an excuse," you're blubbering so much that your cheeks feel hot, you're practically falling apart in the passenger seat of jaehyun's car while he watches and lets you pour all your miseries out onto him. "you don't know how much i regretted it...but i thought i did the right thing. for the both of us. even though i just ended up doing what i was trying to avoid by hurting you."

it's too much now, jaehyun's too silent, and too not-angry for your liking; why is he looking at you in a way that makes you feel like he doesn't think you're the worst person in the world? you can't hold back the sob that's building in your chest, doubling over in favour of pressing your hands against your face and bawling into them. you're not too loud a cryer, but the tremors of emotion you feel are making your shoulders shake, so you're crying silently into your hands while trembling. however guarded he tries to be, the gentleness of his voice overpowers it as he speaks. "i know, shh...," he murmurs and you can't believe your ears, that the man you thought hated you is actually attempting to comfort you after everything. "breathe, y/n."

like it's second nature to him, his hand travels to your back as the sobs wrack through your body, immediately drawing soothing circles on to your covered skin with his thumb. you don't know how but this almost makes you feel worse, the fact that he's still so caring towards you. you pluck up the strength to lift your face from your moist hands, and you're sure it's not a pretty sight that greets him. your nose feels unbelievably stuffy, and your face is on fire when you meet his sympathetic eyes, the warmth from his gaze and hand spreading throughout you, even though he's now removed it. "i'm sorry," you manage through sniffles, but you think you almost flatline when he reaches his hand towards your face, ever so gently caressing it. his thumb juts out and sweeps across the skin under your eye, wiping away at the wetness. "i know."

"shh, it's okay. you're okay", he coos gently and slowly takes his hand back in favour of imitating slow breaths for you, helping you relax a little as you copy him. "why would you think i'd leave you?", he asks carefully once you've calmed down a bit and wiped your tear-streaked face, simply surveying you now. all you can offer him is a defeated shrug, attempting to collect your thoughts. "remember i told you about my ex? the very first one?"

he nods.

"i moved on obviously, like ages ago, but since then i think i've always had this idea that getting dumped is inevitable", you try to explain, voice small as he listens patiently. "it was either leave them or get left, and i was so scared that it would happen with you, that i'd fuck up so bad that you would leave. i couldn't do it."

he frowns and calls out your name in a way that sounds like he's about to lecture you, but you know he can't tell you anything that you haven't already told yourself. "i know, jae, it was so stupid, i know. i don't regret anything more", you sigh, giving him a tight, small smile when you lock eyes. "i'm sorry."

you notice his eyes soften at the nickname, releasing a quiet huff before he runs a hand through his hair. his body language doesn't carry the same anger it did before when he was ranting, now looking subdued and reflective. "i understand why you did what you did. it was stupid, but i understand", he murmurs, his voice impossibly soft when meeting your gaze, the eye contact so intense that you have to physically remind yourself not to cry again by digging your fingernails into your palms. "i would've never left you."

you nod slowly at his admission, his words hanging in the air. "i should've just talked to you...", you concluded in a sullen way and he doesn't reply in full, just mumbling a soft "yeah" under his breath. you don't mind the silence that fills the car this time, the underlying tension more or less dissipated, but you do notice the time, realising that jaehyun still needs to go back home after dropping you.

"should we, uh...", you gesture towards the road and he jumps up in his seat, as though he forgot that he was driving you somewhere in the first place, muttering "sorry" before twisting the key to start the car. this makes you let out an involuntary giggle and jaehyun shoots you a quick glare which immediately shuts you up, a certain warmth blooming in your chest when you see a small smile creep on to his face out of the corner of your eye.

it's quiet for a bit, jaehyun focusing on the road while you gaze out the window. much to your dismay, both the road and the various buildings and shops start to look a lot more familiar, indicating that you are nearing your home. you shouldn't be dismayed really, because this wasn't the most congenial of car rides, but it means that your time with jaehyun is coming to an end. you don't know what the conversation that took place means for you and him however, because unless you're alarmingly stupid, you feel that he may not hate you as much as he once did. does this mean you might even be able to see him again sometime? in a setting where you're not sweating and shaking at just the thought of seeing him?

you think it might be a bit audacious of you to ask that, so you don't. instead, you turn to him with a light grin, playing with the necklace clasped around your neck. "hey, at least you got some new headphones out of all of this", you joke lightheartedly, eyeing the package sitting on the backseat. he lets out a heartwarming chuckle at your comment, glancing at the bag through his rear view mirror. "i can't believe your parents bought that for me. you think they'll make me return it when they find out we aren't together?", he remarks, and you do your best to ignore the little pang you feel at the reminder of your situation. his comment does make you snort though, and you nod along with him. "nah, you need it more than anyone. your airpods have seen better days."

he laughs again, and you wouldn't believe that you two were arguing back and forth like madmen some twenty minutes back. this feels familiar and comfortable, and you cross your fingers in case you jinx it. "do you remember that time when we planned a picnic..." jaehyun begins, a sense of nostalgia shining through his cheeks. "and you forgot to bring the speakers? and we tried blasting music through my one airpod?"

you can't stop the peals of laughter that escape from your mouth as you nod, covering your mouth when your snort makes him laugh as well. "remind me why we didn't just play the music straight from your phone?", you question, replaying the memory in your mind like it was recent. he pauses to think for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck while he hums. "yeah, what the fuck? why didn't we just do that?"

you're laughing in unison as you take this trip down memory lane together, the next few minutes of the car ride consisting of exclamations of "oh! remember when..." and "that time when...", both of you adding on to the memories with your own perspectives and insights. the fact that the conclusion of your little dispute remains ambiguous doesn't bother you too much at the moment, happy to just enjoy the warm atmosphere while you can.

jaehyun's animatedly recounting a story about your sister downloading a game on his phone when you face him, and the last thing you remember paying attention to was that she had somehow managed to spend a large amount of his actual money on it. your eyes are focused on him now, just studying him, and he seems to realise that you aren't listening to his story when he glances at you.

"what?", he questions, the corner of his eyes crinkling when he narrows them at you in an playful manner, taking one hand off the steering wheel to drum absentmindedly on his thigh. "nothing, i just...", you trail off, scanning his features. "you changed your hair. it's...nice. i wanted to tell you that earlier."

he clearly wasn't expecting the compliment, mouth opening and then closing as he tries to think of an admissible reply. "you like it?", he then asks, a shy smile tugging at his lips when he consciously cards his fingers through the longer bit at the back. at your reaffirming nod and heavy gaze, the expected pink sheen dusts his cheeks and though you can't see them, you know the tips of his ears are pink too. he mumbles something of a timid "thank you", both of you smiling like idiots while he trains his eyes on the road.

not too soon after, his car is pulling into your dark driveway. you can't help the sinking feeling in your chest, lips curved slightly downwards. none of the lights are on, save for the streetlight, illuminating the street in a ghostly, dim way. your house looks just like it had for the past many months, gloomy and lonely, and you're absolutely dreading the idea of moping around once again. if this day spent with jaehyun has showed you anything, it's that you're a 100% sure you've not moved on, and that you won't for a long, long time. simply put, you're still in love with him, and you'll have to carry the cross of your mistake for some time to come.

he switches the ignition off but neither of you move. you're sat in your dull driveway on an otherwise empty street, all the other lights of your neighbouring houses off. neither of you say anything, mostly because you're not sure what one is supposed to say in this situation, so everything is still.

"so–"

"well–"

you let out a nervous chuckle while he smiles a bit, both of you mumbling apologies for interrupting each other. "you go first", jaehyun compels you, but now you don't know what to say because you were just going to make it up as you speak. your mouth has a way of working faster than your brain sometimes, but neither seem to be too functional at the present moment. "no, you go", is all you got, and jaehyun has the nerve to roll his eyes, twisting in his seat a little so he's facing you.

"i was just going to say that we uh, reached your place", he claims in a deadpanned manner, but your car door is still locked and your seatbelt is still locked in. you think you must have lost your mind, hoping that he'd tell you to stay with him forever and never leave (which you would have agreed to in a heartbeat). "i guess we have...", you nod, looking out the window and observing your home. maybe it was the dread of going back to your old routine that gave you the sudden boost of confidence, but you realise he never answered your question from before.

"jaehyun...", you begin but falter when you think you might be overstepping, ultimately deciding to just ask anyway when he looks at you expectantly. "why did you agree to come today? we both know you didn't have to."

he looks like he was dreading the very question you asked for some time, shutting his eyes when he leans his head back against the headrest and sighs. "i don't know", is the answer he gives you, voice muffled through the palms of his hands that are rubbing his face tiredly. biting your lip, you have to hold back a similar sigh because you should've known he's not going to just tell you like that. you have no right to press, but yet you do, one more time. "jaehyun, please?"

maybe it's because you sound so meek, but he drops his hands in favour of looking at you, really looking at you, like he's searching your eyes. "why do you think?", he turns it back on you, but you know this is just his way of avoiding the question. "if i knew, i wouldn't be asking. i know you don't have to tell me, you don't owe me a single thing, i just–", you speak desperately with all of the confidence you can muster, worried that your bottom lip would start trembling again. "please, i need to know."

you're looking each other dead in the eye, and while your voice isn't strong, it's honest and raw, and jaehyun can sense that. you can see that there's a million thoughts running in his mind just by the pained look in his eye and your own heartbeat has picked up, the sound deafening in your ears.

"if you haven't figured it out by now, i don't know what to tell you."

thud. thud. thud. you wonder if he can hear your heartbeat over the sound of his, but the blood pumping through your veins is making your ears ring, because what did he mean by that? you hope it means what you want it to mean, but you can't just assume you know everything because you're delusional at this point. "jaehyun, what are you sayi–"

"i agreed because i'm still in love with you."

there it is. the silence after his confession is positively deafening, your mouth agape as your try to register what you just heard. your eyes flicker between his, searching for any signs that he's just messing you and that it's some cruel joke, though it would be completely in his right to fuck with you if he wanted. he's never looked more vulnerable, eyes trained on you in an almost frantic way, like he himself can't believe what he just said. the way he just blurted it out makes you think that he didn't fully mean to admit that, but it's out, nothing he could do to take it back.

"what?", your own voice sounds like an echo and you wish you had something else to say because you heard him loud and clear, but there's a burning ache in your chest that claws all the way up to your throat. the shock is evident in your voice, not knowing what to do with yourself as you visibly process his words. "tell me you're joking", you plead in a pained way, words barely above a whisper. he doesn't say anything, looking lost in his own thoughts as his eyes scan your face. "you don't hate me?"

"hate you?", he scoffs disconsolately, shaking his head slowly. "i couldn't hate you if i tried. and believe me, i tried."

you can hardly believe your ears. you know your heart shouldn't be pounding the way it is, it feels wrong almost for you to be feeling as relieved as you are. "after everything?", you insist dumbfoundedly, but the longing in your voice is palpable, even if you're trying to give him a way out. "i was so horrible to you, jaehyun." you hate the way your voice cracks, but jaehyun just sighs and offers you a sad smile.

"there's nothing you could do to make me hate you."

it's heartbreaking, how defeated he sounds, but he's also looking at you like you could do no wrong in his eyes. "i never moved on", you whisper, hesitance clear as you tell him the truth. "i couldn't delete any of our pictures, i still have all your clothes, sometimes i accidentally set the table for two when it's just me..."

he's blinking quickly, and if you didn't know any better, you'd say he was trying to hold back tears. your break-up did nothing but cause immense amounts of pain for the both of you, and you'd give anything in the world to make up the time lost. his wide-eyed and nearly motionless expression urges you to continue, ready to pour out your heart to the man you loved.

"i still have your number memorised", your face mirrors his, voice growing stronger by the minute. "all the gifts and letters you've ever given me, they're all still there in that shoebox in my cupboard."

"i thought about you everyday", his whisper is raspy, speaking right after you do. "every party i went to, i looked for you even though i knew you wouldn't be there. you know johnny tried setting me up with people?"

you try to suppress the little sting, but you feel it deep inside you. "he did?", you have to clear your throat, and you almost don't want to ask but you do anyway. he releases a sad little chuckle and nods, toying with his fingers. "yeah. i knew i was doomed when the whole date, i wished she was you."

the smile finds its way on to your face against your will, feeling that familiar lump make its way to your throat. "she could've made you happy, jae", you argue anyway because at the end of the day, you want the best for him, and you know you're far from the best.

"no one could make me feel the way you do, y/n", he replied honestly, and there's a sense of finality to his words, like he'd had this same argument with himself time and time again, only to come to this conclusion. “the thought of anyone else touching you made me sick”, he croaked, not missing the way his eyes ghost over your frame.

his words bring about a noticeable shift in the air, followed by silence. he watches you, and you watch him, breathing slow as your eyes dart across his face.”i don’t want anyone but you”, you confess slowly, and a few beats pass before you find it in you to speak again. "i love you, jaehyun."

silence.

you expected disapproval, maybe even a malicious scoff, but you certainly weren't expecting to feel a soft pair of lips against yours as he suddenly lurches forward.

you're stunned, so stunned that you don't even reciprocate the kiss, lips unmoving against his. it's only when he takes this as a sign of discomfort and breaks the kiss that you find yourself reacting, hands immediately making their way to caress his cheeks, leaning forward to chase his lips and close the distance between you. he lets out a sound of surprise against your lips but kisses you back right away, a hand wrapping around your neck from the back, tangling itself in your hair. the kiss is heated and so long overdue, tangible through the way his lips meld furiously together with yours, teeth clashing every now and then.

your hands make their way to his broad shoulders, one wrapping around them while the other comes to rest on his chest, gripping the material of his hoodie. you have the urge to be impossibly close to him, trying to lean forward to kiss him more fully but you're restricted by your seatbelt. it's almost as if he can read your mind, because the hand placed against your face now moves to press on the buckle to release you without breaking the kiss. "fucking seatbelt...", he mumbles disgruntedly against your lips, fiddling with the button until you hear it click, finally separating yourself from him to slip it over you. "there we go."

you don't stay separated for long because jaehyun uses the hand behind your head to pull you towards him again, capturing your lips in a way that makes all the air leave your lungs. "come here", he grunts, using his long arms to pull you clumsily over the gearshift and straight on to his lap. you settle yourself in to the somewhat awkward position in the enclosed space, but that's the last thing on your mind when all your thoughts consist of jaehyun, jaehyun, jaehyun. his lips are back on yours in a instance, tongue sweeping across your bottom lip messily and you gladly allow it to explore your mouth.

the air is impossibly thick, heavily contrasting to the cold weather outside the car, even his lips and hands feel warm against your hot body. you feel his hands grip your waist easily in this position, lips leaving your own to drag across the expanse of your jaw. you whine quietly at the feeling of his mouth sucking a particular spot on your neck, tilting your head back as you wrap your arms around his neck. "missed this", he muses, tongue peeking out to kitten lick at your neck, breath hot against your sensitive skin. "missed you."

the feeling in your chest when his hands find their way under your shirt and on to your bare skin is inexplicable, unable to stop the soft moan from tumbling from your lips when his big hands glide over your stomach, back and finally your breasts. everything about the way he's touching you and kissing you is greedy and urgent, like he's afraid you'll disappear from his arms if he loosens his grip even by a little bit. you'd be a fool to not match this energy, pressing into him while you squeeze your hands over his. "need you so bad, jae."

you're subconsciously grinding down against him needily, hips stuttering against his lap like you've never been touched before. "fuck", your eyes widen at the groan that leaves his throat, sounding absolutely guttural as he grips the skin of your hip harshly.

he's barely done anything and you're coming undone right in front of his watchful eyes, your panties dampening at the look on his face. "jae..", you whine when his fingers dip past the waistband of your pants, gently cupping your clothed core as you rut against it. "shit, baby", he marvels at the stickiness of your panties, feeling your wetness on his fingers just through the material. "you really missed me, huh?"

you don't even have the time to respond to his cocky remark before his fingers are slipping beneath the band of your panties to circle your clit, spreading the wetness around your folds. a breathy sigh escapes your lips, throwing your head back as he experimentally prods at your entrance and eventually slips a finger inside. "still so tight for me", he all but groans, pumping his finger in and out of you languidly, drinking in the sounds of your pleasure. he feels so blissfully familiar, and though you haven't been touched by him, or anyone for that matter for months, the stretch of his second finger feels the same kind of intimate as it did before, if not more.

you lean forward and press your lips against his once again, kissing him like you might never get the chance to again, all while you're grinding back down on his hand that's fingering you steadily with a thumb circling your clit at the same time. his free hand moves to bunch your top up above your breasts, peppering kisses over the tops of them. he wastes no time in pulling your breasts free from from their cups, attaching his lips to one nipple and swirling his tongue around it in a way that makes you cry out. "my pretty girl", he mumbles almost to himself while cupping your other breast, making a show out of it as his tongue flicks over your hardened bud over and over until your arching your back and pressing it further into his face. “thought about this all the time.”

keeping in mind that you're still technically in a public place, you bite your lip to contain the sounds of your pleasure, though jaehyun doesn't make it easy when he notices this and increases the pace of his fingers. the hand fondling your breast leaves it unattended for a moment to release your bottom lip from your teeth, smoothing his thumb over the swollen skin. "i've waited months to hear these sounds. let me hear you, baby", he all but purrs and that's all it takes for a moan to tumble out of your mouth, pressing your forehead against the side of his face while you screw your eyes shut out of pleasure.

with his attack on your sensitive buds and his fingers pistoning inside of you, you know you aren't going to last long. "already?", jaehyun chides with a small smirk, and it's embarrassing how well he knows your body, grazing his teeth against your nipple in a way that feels painful and heavenly at the same time. you can feel his rock hard bulge against you, and with the untimely grinding of your hips against him, you're sure this is torturous for him. "don't wanna come like this", you whine against his cheek, your entire body feeling sticky from the heat inside the closed vehicle. your puckered lips leave wet kisses all over the expanse of his cheek, and the boyish giggle that leaves his mouth makes your heart flutter. "wanna feel you, jae."

his head is thrown back against the headrest and his eyes are shut tightly, jaw clenched as he slowly slips his fingers out of you. though you whine at the loss of contact and you're almost grinding against the air, you want nothing more than to make him feel good as well. "want you to fill me up", you coo at him, softly linking your hands behind his neck as you test the waters with your words. it's clear they have an effect on him, both hands placed on your hips as he helps you lazily grind against his erection. "don't– have a condom", he grits out, hips bucking up to meet yours. "don't need one", you murmured immediately, knowing he wants this as bad as you do.

his eyes flicker open at that, one hand leaving your hip to brush some stray hairs away from your face, gently tucking some behind your ear. you could melt at the way he's looking at you, so tender and loving, a warmth spreading all over you until you feel like you have to look away. he doesn't let you however, hand quickly coming you to cup your cheek before leaning in place a small peck against your lips. "are you sure?", he sounds breathless, but still firm as his eyes glance between yours like he's reading them.

if he can read them, he'll know that you can't nod fast enough, dragging your hips across his needily to show him. "i'm sure. i want you, jae.", you're so needy that you don't even bother to take your pants or panties off fully, fingers fumbling with the waistband as you shimmy them down a little, leaving your underwear on. you swear your mouth waters when he unbuttons his pants and lets his cock spring out against his stomach, lustful eyes taking in the way he keeps his shirt up with his teeth. if this weren't such an awkward position, you'd have taken him in your mouth in an instant, knowing exactly what to do to hear the man in front of you whimper.

nudging your panties to the side, he focuses on collecting your wetness all over the tip of his dick, hissing at the contact. "please", you whine, not wanting to waste another moment, finally sighing in relief when he begins to press his cock inside you. he swears under his breath at the feeling, and you're feeling so stretched out just from him slipping it in even though you're still so wet that you just go lax in his arms until he bottoms out. "that's it", he grunts like he's holding back. "taking me so well, angel."

you preen at his praise, finally beginning to move your hips a little at his coaxing. sighing against the shell of his ear, he picks up the pace for you, not warning you before thrusting upwards to meet your movements with a groan. you can feel your mind going blank at the sensation, your moans sounding more like cries whenever he snaps his hips into yours, the obscene sounds filling the car. you're just so full, his hands gliding up and down your sides as he fucks deep inside you, making up for all the lost time. "you feel so good, baby", he barely gets his words out, but it gives you the encouragement to bounce up and down on his thick cock a little faster than before, his eyes widening at the feeling. "just like that."

he's kissing and sucking all over your neck again, lips ghosting over whatever skin he can reach and it's all so much, feeling a single tear stream down your face. he almost slows down for a second when he feels the tear drop on to his own face, eyebrows raised in surprise because he thinks he's hurting you, but he's even more shocked when you let out the high-pitched whine. "what's wrong, angel?", he mumbles into your neck, peering up at you carefully. you shake your head profusely, continuing to grind down on his cock. "i just- just love you so much, jae", you blabber incoherently, so wet that you're practically gushing around his dick.

"aw, baby", he shushes you sweetly, pressing his forehead against yours as his thrusts become more and more erratic. "i'm here. not going anywhere." the coil in your stomach is tightening and you can feel every inch of him inside you, more tears threatening to spill from your eyes before he's kissing them away. "i'm here."

he's hitting all the right spots inside you in this position, and he's basically doing all the work because you're like putty in his strong arms, all you can do is moan and cry out against him weakly. "i'm close", you warn him, but you know he already knows that, and you know he is too, slipping your hand down to where his rests on your hip and interlacing your fingers. "me too, pretty", he sputters through his teeth, giving your hand a tight squeeze as you start to come undone. “want you to cum. can you do that for me?”

"oh my god", you're crying out as you cum around his cock, body and mind going numb and ears ringing as the coil finally snaps. "cum inside me, jae, please", his eyes go wide at the way you're begging him, and he doesn't look like he can hold back much longer. "fuck angel, you- you sure–"

"yes, please, need you to fill me up", you cut him off, too sensitive from the way he's helping you ride out your high to move anymore. with a few more sloppy thrusts, his cock is twitching inside you before you lets out a guttural groan, his warm cum filling you up. you go limp against him, face nuzzled into the crook of his neck as the both of you try to regulate your heartbeats.

the sounds of your heavy breathing fills up the car along with jaehyun's soft murmurs of "so perfect" and "did so well for me". any doubts you had in your mind of this being a mistake in jaehyun's eyes are wiped away when he begins petting your head, gently smoothing your messy hair as he presses firm kisses to your head. his cock softens inside of you but he makes no move to pull out, wrapping his arms around your waist while you do the same around his neck, simply sitting in each other's presence silently.

you struggle but finally pick yourself up, gazing at his moonlit face from your place on his lap. “you okay? was that okay?”, he murmurs softly, his voice thick and eyes hazy as he traces little shapes on your back. “more than okay”, you reply tiredly, pressing your lips against his once again because you feel you’re in a dream-like state right now. you're sure he's the most beautiful man you're ever had the privilege of looking at, feeling incredibly vulnerable when you speak again even though he's looking at you with nothing but love in his eyes. "now what?", you question, suddenly feeling like you've jumped the gun when he opens his mouth to say something but stays silent. "never mind, don't answer that, we'll talk about it later", you shake your head, laughing a little breathlessly when he grins at you, pecking his forehead sweetly.

you look away from him and at your lifeless house, mouth working faster than your brain once again. "would you...want to come in?", you wince, feeling kind of stupid for asking but meaning it anyway. you're both comforted and thrilled when a large grin is plastered on to his face, feeling like maybe your home won't be as lifeless anymore.

"i think i'd love to come in."