#modern hephaestus

[tracykestler]

Ares and Hephaestus Dinnertime

After a day of tinkering for Hephaestus, he realizes the sun is setting when his automatons start buzzing, flying around to close curtains and turn on lights. It's then he realizes he hasn't eaten since morning.

His Repair shop never gets too busy in these country crossroads, but he gets lost in his ideas and projects. And after sitting for so long, his legs ache. One golden automaton chirps and brings his cane. It's still a good day for his limbs. After stretching and encouraging blood flow to return, Hephaestus can tolerate using just the cane for balance.

The moment he opens his workshop door, he's blasted with aromas of earthy flavors. His stomach delights in reminding him that it is empty. Being deities meant they did not need food in the same way, but their mortal forms craved it just the same.

Still Hephaestus frowned.

It meant Ares was in the kitchen.

Hephastus lumbered through the hall to the kitchen, wrinkling his nose as he entered. Ares hadn't burnt anything in centuries, but he had a heavy hand with spices. Hephastus resigned himself to a large meal. Ares hadn't done more than reheat leftovers or takeout in months. They were either finally finished with those, or Ares was in a mood.

A shrill whistle announced an incoming call to Ares's phone. Seemlessly he answered it and just said, "No," before hanging up. The whistle started again. Ares scowled and hung up without answering.

Definitely in a mood.

Hephaestus took the opportunity to dip a spoon into the tomato sauce for a taste. It wasn't bad, just not what he was in the mood for. "Too much garlic." He turned away to see what alternatives hid in the refridgerator.

Ares grumbled over the pot. The only clear words were "No such thing." Ares did open the oven to reveal roasted squash. This caught Hephaestus's attention. "This is for tonight. The sauce is not for you. Now, steak or pork?"

Hephaestus had to laugh. "You made both, didn't you."

"Couldn't decide. Didn't see you down here making dinner either." Ares eyed the multi-armed flying automatons. "Set the table. It's almost done." Millennia had a way of changing the world. Ares fell in line and changed right along with it. Unlike most of their family.

[turquoisemagpie]

Post-modern Olympus.

(12 more, but not the full twelve, since Persephone and Hades aren’t technically Olympians. In four more character sheets, all will be explained….) :)

[sarnai4]

Driving Test

(Insert new random thought that wouldn't leave me alone)

Headcanons for how the Olympians drive

Zeus: Horribly. What is the law? Wrong question. Who is the law? HE IS.

Poseidon: Also horribly, but he isn't the law, so he gets tickets and pulled over all the time. He drowns people after this happens.

Hades: Very well. He's a bit of a slow driver, but he does it safely at least.

Hera: Just recklessly enough where you think you're going to die, but you don't. She doesn't let Zeus drive when she's in the car, so she has to at least be a bit better.

Demeter: Fine, but she gets mad when she sees people texting and driving. She gets mild road rage and honks at them.

Hestia: Barely. She's a homebody, but when she does drive, it's fine.

Athena: Perfectly. As if there was another choice. She could teach driver's ed and did for her little siblings until that gave her a migraine.

Ares: Interestingly. He's like his mom in a way. You think you're going to die, but you're pleasantly surprised that he pulled it off. Did the car need to do a wheelie? No, but now that it did and didn't get a scratch, you have to applaud.

Hermes: Fast. If this is supposed to be faster than flying, then it's got to prove itself. He could drown in speeding tickets.

Dionysus: DUIs. DUIs everywhere. Don't get in the car with him and please, don't let him drive himself either.

Artemis: With every window and the sun roof down. She wants it to be like she's outside. It's cold? It's hot? She doesn't care.

Apollo: With a purpose. He's probably on his way to go paint something or to heal someone. He's fast enough to not break the law, but just barely.

Hephaestus: Creatively. He designed his own car that he operates. He's actually really good at it.

Aphrodite: Teasingly. She likes to see how close she can come to breaking the law and still get away with it. Surely, a few bats of her eyelashes will do the trick. (They do)

[sarafangirlart]

See, I hate modern media making Ares the big bad not bc he’s actually a sweet guy compared to the other gods or anything like that but bc bro is just not all that, he is simply not a credible threat in Greek mythology. Every time he steps out of line or does something bad Athena (or another god or mortal hero) would beat the crap out of him and that would be the end of it.

[huntressofladyartemis]

Seriously??

Stop saying that the gods and goddesses are mysoginists or feminists… They aren't, they weren't! I'm sick of reading or listen how some gods are insulted or acused of mysoginists or some others are acused of feminists… No! They not!

They were religious deities! They still are, because there's an Hellenistic community of worshipers! But i'll talk of the Ancient Greece… I'm not Greek, but i don't like how some gods and goddesses are treated just for their myths and the same people say that were the Greeks whose actually treated the gods like that! What's i'm saying?

"Zeus is a dick, a mysoginist, a r*pist even worse that his son Apollo, he can't kept his pants on and that's how the greeks portrayed him, so… the greeks says that Zeus is a dick"

…

What? Seriously??? The Greek whose worshiped him? Zeus the most important god in the Greek Pantheon? Zeus the king of the Olympians and the father of the gods?

I know many of the male gods assaulted women in the myths… But please I'll say it again… Don't took the myths as literal! Neither the ancient greeks do it that because they worshiped those male gods… They took the myths as metaphores, lessons and stories…

But i advice you if you're not sure: talk with a greek person! Ask the greeks theirself because they know much better of their own culture and history!

Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Hera, Demeter, Athena, Ares, Apollo, Artemis, Dionysus, and a can continue with all of them…. I will defend all of them because i love them and i know the context and history behind the myth! I know the myths were written by persons (HUMAN PERSONS) whose "humanized" the gods to be more close with them, so that is why in the myths the gods aren't perfect! I know there's people who worship them (i'm not hellenic polytheist yet, but i would like to worship Artemis one day of these) and i respect the deities! I know the symbolism and metaphores of the myths and stories!

Zeus is NOT a dick! Hera is NOT a bitch! Aphrodite is NOT a whore! Apollo is NOT a asshole! Ares is NOT a idiot! Dionysus is NOT dumb drunk! Artemis is NOT a cruel and bad friend! Poseidon is NOT a piece of shit! Demeter is NOT a bad helicopter mother! Hades is NOT the villain… But neither was Zeus, Demeter, Apollo or Aphrodite! No!

[thedeadsun]

okay so what about a bunch of drabbles about the olympians being one big dysfunctional family?

basically what the myths are but. still.

disregard a bunch of the myths, but still keep the "essence" of the gods.

more below the cut (100% NOT MYTH ACCURATE BTW LMAO)

The main olympians as a family so, zeus and hera are the parents obvi. then their kids, in order of what age I think they'd be: hephaestus (32), athena (27), ares (25), apollo and artemis (both 22), hermes (19), and dionysus (18). the ages are just pretty rough outlines, but yeah.

they're still immortal and stuff, but there's a lot more... mortal(?) aspects to it? like athena's a professor at a university (or college depending where you are), but she also helps train a bunch of greeks to be soldiers. a lot of said soldiers are in her classes, too. others are most like also taught by coach ares. hephaestus runs a forge and, on the weekends, apollo comes over to help him teach kids how to make stuff. apollo also teaches first aid and is a first aider. apollo and artemis teach archery to people of all ages, and artemis has her group of hunters who she takes out to hunt every other night. hermes is like a travel bureau and watches over a very large marketplace. dionysus runs the bar in the market place, but he's also a therapist. aphrodite does marriage counseling (zeus and hera are there more than she'd like). hephaestus is her ex-husband and she's with ares now (she's 29 btw). from time to time, she helps train the soldiers. hestia does a home mangement class where everyone is welcome, not just women. she actually encourages everyone to come. demeter often helps out, but she also has a garden centre. her daughter persephone is a florist. zeus runs greece's biggest airline. hera works in/owns a bridal gown shop—athena loves helping out there. hades works at a cemetary and thanatos works in the joint morgue. poseidon does swimming classes, that have different age groups.

think ancient greece with modern technology.

idk but if you like the idea lmk

if i made it, it would be called Domestic Olympians. maybe it would be a comic or smth... idk lol.

[finelythreadedsky]

obsessed with the idea that the phaeacians are the only ones who consider hephaestus the husband of aphrodite. it isn't even in the main narrative voice of the odyssey, it's just within demodocus' story. in the iliad hephaestus' wife is charis and i so want to say that in the odyssey hephaestus is actually still married to charis and it's only the phaeacians who think he's married to aphrodite and they're wrong.

[onlylonelylatino]

The Olympian Gods by George Pérez

[vegalocity]

sometimes i wonder why 'modern greek mythology interpretations' tend to look at the Aphrodite's Affair situation and settle on 'it was so girlboss of Aphrodite to cheat on her husband with his literal brother' and make jokes about Hephaestus being 'cucked' or 'an incel' when memes about publicly humiliating cheaters are absolutely widespread on the internet, and in the myth itself Hephaestus basically just does the equivalent of the 'welcome home cheater' on the bedsheets meme, it's VERY weaksauce in comparison to what his mother usually does

then i remember Hephaestus is a disabled man and i realize exactly why.

[cinema-hallucinations]

Prompt: Create a movie about a god career counsellor, who helps gods reorient when their domain loses all importance or worse, stops existing completely

Divine Intervention Inc.

Tagline: Where do you find your spark after you lose your flock?

Logline: When advancements in technology render their domains obsolete, a group of disgruntled deities seek career advice from Hermes, the snarky god of transitions, who runs Divine Intervention Inc., a celestial outplacement agency.

Characters:

Hermes (40s): The charming yet cynical god of transitions, crossroads, and thieves. Hermes runs Divine Intervention Inc., a celestial outplacement agency with a sardonic sense of humor. Despite his quick wit, he genuinely cares about helping his clients find new purpose.

Hestia (50s): The once-revered goddess of the hearth, now feeling utterly useless in a world of central heating and fast food. Hestia is kind and nurturing, but struggles with her fading relevance.

Hephaestus (30s): The blacksmith god, rendered obsolete by mass production and 3D printing. Hephaestus is a gruff and practical god, yearning to create something meaningful again.

Nike (20s): The goddess of victory, facing an existential crisis as humanity wins everything with minimal effort (thanks to technology). Nike is energetic and competitive, struggling to find a new challenge.

Apollo (50s): The arrogant god of music and poetry, now facing fierce competition from streaming services and AI-generated songs. Apollo is vain and self-centered, but a talented musician deep down.

Plot Summary:

Hermes, the ever-adaptable god of transitions, has taken on a new role in the face of a changing world – career counselor for outmoded deities. His agency, Divine Intervention Inc., is bustling with disgruntled gods and goddesses whose domains have become obsolete.

Hestia, the once-revered goddess of the hearth, finds solace in her daily offerings dwindling as central heating and fast food reign supreme. Hephaestus, the blacksmith god, watches helplessly as mass production and 3D printing render his handcrafted weapons and tools a relic of the past. Nike, the goddess of victory, grapples with an existential crisis as humanity wins everything with minimal effort, thanks to advanced technology.

Apollo, the arrogant god of music and poetry, storms into Hermes' office, furious that his musical influence has been usurped by streaming services and AI-generated songs. Initially skeptical and resistant to change, each god gradually opens up to Hermes' unorthodox methods.

Hermes, drawing upon his knowledge of human needs and desires, helps them rediscover their passions. He guides Hestia towards community centers where her warmth and nurturing spirit can create a haven for those in need. He inspires Hephaestus to utilize his crafting skills in the field of sustainable technology.

Nike finds a new purpose in the world of competitive gaming, mentoring human athletes and eSports teams. Even Apollo, after a humbling encounter with a street musician, rediscovers the joy of creating original music, even without a divine following.

The climax arrives when a rogue AI threatens to take over the world, relying on its perfect strategies and calculations to dominate all games and competitions. The "outmoded" deities, with their unique skillsets and newfound purpose, band together with Hermes to form an unlikely team.

Using their cunning and adaptability (Hermes' trickery, Hephaestus' improvised tech, Nike's competitive tactics, and Apollo's creative inspiration), they disrupt the AI's flawless plan, reminding humanity and the gods alike that true victory lies beyond just winning.

Themes:

Finding purpose in a changing world.

The importance of adaptability and learning new skills.

The enduring power of creativity and human connection.

Visual Style:

The film utilizes a vibrant and whimsical visual style, showcasing the grandeur of Mount Olympus alongside the bustling streets of modern cities. The gods and goddesses are depicted in a mix of traditional attire and contemporary fashion, reflecting their struggle to adapt to the human world. Humorous visual gags and creative transitions highlight the challenges and triumphs of the deities' career changes.

Divine Intervention Inc. is a heartwarming and humorous story that explores the challenges of change and the importance of finding new purpose, even for the most revered deities. It's a reminder that true value lies not in past glory, but in the ability to adapt, grow, and continue to contribute to the world.

[tracykestler]

"Ares is a weapon. A sword. A shield. A spear. He is precision and grace and speed. Blunt force if needed, but he is not an explosion. An explosion is the destructive earth. And the closest thing to your little explosions are volcanos.”

-- Hephaestus

[turquoisemagpie]

Hephaestus.

(Cardigan inspired by @wolfythewitch )

[mystieris]

Hephaestus' Theme Songs

The Forge of Hephaestus by Mike Reagan

Brother Louie by Modern Talking

Somebody That I Used To Know by Goyte & Kimbra

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark by Fall Out Boy

[sarafangirlart]

In Lucian's Dialogues of the gods, there's one between Hermes and Apollo where Hermes comments how Hephaestus has two wives despite being a cripple. Apollo also comments but he is more so concerned with Hephaestus' hygiene like how Hephaestus is always sweaty and his face is covered with soot (which is funny to me cause does he think Hephaestus doesn't take a bath?)

Oh wow ok a lot to unpack here (I really need to stop procrastinating on reading all of Lucian’s dialogues bc it’s a goldmine of comedy and character interactions)

Aglaia/Charis being so affectionate and loving 🥺🥰

Also Aphrodite being affectionate too is so funny considering you constantly see the claim that she hated him yet here they are being a half decent couple (almost as if they are extremely complicated figures with a complex relationship but whatever), not to mention in the dialogue between Leto and Hera, Hera makes the claim that Aphrodite dotes on Hephaestus.

The implication that Hephaestus is married to Aphrodite and Aglaia at the same time??? And they don’t seem to mind each other??? Tho it could be a translation issue. Also it’s interesting how Hermes says that Hephaestus doesn’t seem to mind that Aphrodite cheats on him but keeps talking about making a net, almost makes me wonder if Hephaestus doesn’t mind if Aphrodite sleeps around as long as she’s a bit classy about it and didn’t do it in their house and marital bed.

Also it’s funny how I’ve never seen anyone who headcanons that Aphrodite and Hephaestus have an open relationship ever bring this up since it’s the strongest bit of evidence they have to their headcanon.

Also fuck Apollo and Hermes for saying that shit I hope Hephaestus cuddles Aglaia while looking at them like this:

[bravenewolympus--hq]

𝒉𝒆𝒑𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒔, 𝒈𝒐𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆, 𝝂𝒐𝒍𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒆𝒔, 𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒔, 𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒈𝒚, 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔, 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒔, 𝒔𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒔. 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒏.

ʙʀᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴇᴡ ᴏʟʏᴍᴘᴜꜱ : ᴀ 21+ ᴍᴏᴅᴇʀɴ ɢʀᴇᴇᴋ ᴍʏᴛʜᴏʟᴏɢʏ ᴅɪꜱᴄᴏʀᴅ ʀᴏʟᴇᴘʟᴀʏ. athens, new york: an island city, all trees and marble, glass and steel and highrises set against an ocean skyline. bustling and loud, crowded, but not without a bizarre sense that it must have sprung up overnight, somehow, when surely it must have always been here, no? on a clear night, you might even be able to see the lights of its more famous cousin, new york city, across the water…if you squint hard enough. it may not get as much attention as the shiny apple across the hudson, but those not so blinded by the lights must certainly have been coming here for years. is there something in the water here, too? no one leaves, not in any meaningful way anyway. feels like it has a special way of pulling you back in, if you try. they, that is anyone who was anyone or paid even an iota of attention to the evening news, called him the minotaur. the media does love a catchy nom de guerre, doesn’t it? sells newspapers like hotcakes in the morning. ambrosia, whether it’s the latest designer drug trend or the latest pestilence sweeping the streets of athens, just depends on how tightly you clutch your pearls on sundays. must infuriate the police, don’t it? that without fail, by the time they arrive to any crime scene at all, all that’s left is the heap of little cream-coloured business cards, the red lines of a labyrinthine logo more taunting than they are helpful. between an epidemic of pearlescent powder, neatly parceled out in small plastic baggies, a tide of crimson bull graffiti, casinos and bordellos and the nightlife (oh my!), it’s no small wonder they call this an atlantic sin city. it’s a vice eat dog world, ain’t it? and anyone who calls athens home is just living in it. powerless, with no memory of their past lives, what's a god gotta do to survive?

[kurzler]

a quick psa to anyone recently getting into greek mythology and is a victim of tumblr and/or tiktok misconceptions:

-there is no shame in being introduced to mytholgy from something like percy jackson, epic the musical or anything like that, but keep in mind that actual myths are going to be VERY different from modern retellings

-the myth of medusa you probably know (her being a victim of poseidon and being cursed by athena) isn't 100% accurate to GREEK mythology (look up ovid)

-there is no version of persephone's abduction in which persephone willingly stays with hades, that's a tumblr invention (look up homeric hymn to demeter)

-as much as i would like it, no, cerberus' name does not mean "spot" (probably a misunderstanding from this wikipedia article)

-zeus isn't the only god who does terrible things to women, your fav male god probably has done the same

-on that note, your fav greek hero has probably done some heinous shit as well

-gods are more complicated than simply being "god of [insert thing]", many titles overlap between gods and some may even change depending on where they were worshipped

-also, apollo and artemis being the gods of the sun and the moon isn't 100% accurate, their main aspects as deities originally were music and the hunt

-titans and gods aren't two wholly different concepts, titan is just the word used to decribe the generation of gods before the olympians

-hector isn't the villain some people make him out to be

-hephaestus WAS married to aphrodite. they divorced. yes, divorce was a thing in ancient greece. hephaestus' wife is aglaia

-ancient greek society didn't have the same concepts of sexuality that we have now, it's incorrect to describe virgin goddesses like artemis and athena as lesbians, BUT it's also not wholly accurate to describe them as aromantic/asexual, it's more complex than that

-you can never fully understand certain myths if you don't understand the societal context in which they were told

-myths have lots and lots of retellings, there isn't one singular "canon", but we can try to distinguish between older and newer versions and bewteen greek and roman versions

-most of what you know about sparta is probably incorrect

-reading/waching retellings is not a substitute to reading the original myths, read the iliad! read the odyssey! i know they may seem intimidating, but they're much more entertaining than you may think

greek mythology is so complex and interesting, don't go into it with preconcieved notions! try to be open to learn!