#modern au shenanigans

[kassandras-one-braincell]

asking the ac ladies if they would still love you if you were a worm (or alternatively: a monster)

I have responded to this in the only appropriate manner: shitty fake text messages (in which Eivor's thumbs are still too big for the keyboard and she's still allergic to technology)

[smaller-comfort]

something something holiday spitroast *badum tss*

in which Aephorul gets collared and fucked stupid. I should probably revise the tags a bit more. some rambly notes under the cut.

Yolande is one of Resh'an's favorite students, but she roasts him mercilessly on the regular. if he rocked up to class ten minutes late looking like he just got out of a broom closet with B'st, he would never survive.

Resh'an teaches in the physics department because his phd research ended up being on quantum mechanics.

Yes, Aephorul has nipple piercings- he just never took his shirt off in the previous stories, and he didn't get them until after undergrad. (leave me alone, I already said this was self indulgent.) (he has them in outshine the sun, too.)

He *should* have thematically appropriate tattoos like Resh'an does, but I've waffled for too long on what the design should be. Tentacle arm sleeves would make the most sense, but the way I've built his character at this point makes that seem unlikely. And when I think about it too hard, I realize that no, he wouldn't have tattoos. He'd have a scarification leg sleeve. *sigh* I'm not describing that.

Resh'an's tattoos look a little like this. It is infuriating how difficult it is to find properly sourced and credited tattoo pics on the internet these days. His are mostly blackwork, with some color accents in red, violet, and gold.

Resh'an let his tongue piercing close up in part because it made blowjobs too complicated with Aephorul's prince albert, and in part because of the lecture he got from his dentist after several thousands of dollars worth of dental work while he was in grad school. (why? i ask myself this constantly.) He got the tattoos at some point after getting his phd.

I like to joke that under/badly negotiated kink is my kink, but when these characters are all supposed to be more or less functional adults who know what they're doing, I have to handwave some shit. And I really love negotiation as a tool for building characterization! but. I just want to write hot threesomes and not get bogged down in the details.

for example. in the original first draft, where the kitchen-table-fucking ends very very badly, there was no way to reasonably expect B'st to ever stick his dick in that level of crazy again. so, we pretend that everyone is being reasonable and communicative and like this won't blow up in someone's face in chapter 3. *coughs*

And, all that said, Aephorul and B'st don't actually interact much outside of what you see on the page. Aephorul lets Resh'an do 90% of the communicating, here.

I'm not writing about Aephorul's forays into self hypnosis/hypnodom stuff (it doesn't work on Resh'an, which was an enormous disappointment to him). but, like. they happen. I swear I'm not just trying to justify putting him in nonverbal, altered states of consciousness.

I feel like I've been promising Aephorul on a leash for too long without delivering, but pet play is a third date activity, at a minimum, so this is as close as you get in an ot3 story for now.

[liviacardew]

modern felix, clemensia, hilarius, and vipsania would’ve majored in politics.

modern pippa would’ve majored in child psychology.

modern festus would’ve majored in finance (idk😭)

modern arachne and livia would’ve majored in fgss.

i don’t know, i just see it 😭

[mistyjessart]

The Odyssey Modern AU: Christmas edition

For your consideration: the Odyssey but as a Hallmark Christmas movie where Odysseus travels to New York for work and is trying to get home to Hawaii?? (I needed a long domestic flight shhhhh it was either this or Vancouver to Newfoundland) in time for Christmas dinner with Penelope and Telemachus after missing it for the last 20 years straight

The Trojan War is some really big business venture or something that took literally forever for them to sign but they finally did it!!

Polyphemus keeps them after work threatening to get HR involved because they accidentally ate his lunch that he left in the fridge, Polites and some of his other coworkers get stuck there but Ody and the rest manage to escape the office

Athena is Odysseus' boss (and childhood friend) who told him to get everything done more efficiently so he could leave earlier but noooooo he didn't listen and guess who's cutting it close again

The wind bag: Aeolus (from another department, maybe distribution??) sends them home with snacks that they forget to declare and Poseidon the airport security guard sees them after Eurylochus opens the bag in the waiting area and pulls them into the security room until they miss their flight

Circe owns a local motel and wanted to kick them out because she doesn't trust so many dudes around her employees after past incidents, but her and Athena's mutual friend Hermes gives Odysseus some of her favourite tea as a peace offering and he tells her about his wife and kid and she's just like "fineeeeee okay you're a wife guy, I guess I can find you a room"

She calls them a taxi to the airport the next day and the driver Tiresias just keeps giving them ominous life advice and seems to know like... way too much about them and also they're not entirely sure he actually has his license

Odysseus gets a call from his mom like "where are you we're waiting for you" and he's like "I'm on my way home I promiseeeeeeeeee I'll be there this time"

The sirens are various sales reps at the airport

Scylla (baggage check employee) keeps some of them cuz their bags are too heavy so Ody and the rest head to the gate without them

Eurylochus brings snacks again (thinking Chicharron-style snacks, ones you're not supposed to bring on a plane) and Zeus detains them

The suitors are just the neighbourhours who bully Telemachus like "oooOOOOhhhhh ssuuuUUURrreee your dad is tOOOOtally gonna show up to Christmas this year" and making jokes about his mom

Athena (who did leave early and catch the original flight) scares them away and reassures Telemachus that his dad is on his way (while texting Odysseus "see I told you so")

She finds out Zeus is the one detaining them so she calls her dad like "please can you at least send Odysseus on his way, you literally know him, he's just a dumbass sometimes" so Zeus let's Odysseus go catch his flight but keeps the rest of them in security

Calypso is some lady he's seated next to on the plane who hits on him for the entire ten-hour flight

Poseidon, who got transferred to the other airport, recognizes Odysseus from before and pulls him into security again and Odysseus just rips into him until he lets him go

The neighbours are bullying Telemachus while he's out getting last-minute ingredients for dinner when some dude turns up and tells them off and threatens to get their parents so they all run off

Penelope's just like... "who are you and what have you done with my husband, how are you actually on time"

Insert sweet and sappy Christmas dinner with the entire family until Odysseus' sister goes "wait... where's Eurylochus?"

Eurylochus turns up at the door the next morning like "ODYSSEUS YOU MF I HAD TO CATCH ANOTHER FLIGHT-"

[lavb-b]

Shifty Quiet Lab Shenanigans

I doodled these while listening in chemistry class

[sualne]

Modern AU crocodad, having a normal one.

[gremlinmodetweeker]

The taller you are the farther you fall.

König learns this the hard way.

[crazy4reallll]

Modern Shen twins au

Sj: what are you reading

Sy: I’m reading this trash web novel pidw

Sj: I tried to read that but I couldn’t get into it. The writing is just trash.

Sy: I know right!

Sj: yeah the main character is such a whiny bitch.

Sy: ….get out of my room.

[orange-artist]

Some good!vinsmoke brothers doodles

Somewhere between the Good!Yonji AU and OP Modern AU

Can you tell that i think Niji is feral? Yeah. Anyways.

Gonna end up confusing some of the followers that came from the demon slayer posting lmao.

[cheswirls]

short asl thing based on @where-does-the-heart-lie's modern au :) i started this over a year ago but the beginning is all dialogue and felt more like a script to me i suppose??? which deflated my desire to work on it. anyway i checked it over recently and it's completely fine lmfao, self-confidence restored here we go !

-

"Yo. Aren't you usually in the middle of your shift by now?"

"I've been banned from the hospital."

"Like, for life?"

"No. For the next, uh.. Twenty-two hours."

"That's oddly specific."

"It was twenty-four, but I fell asleep after leaving the building."

"That wouldn't have to do with why they kicked you out, at all?"

"Hmmm. I'm too sleep-deprived, apparently."

"Ah. And, um, you called me because...?"

"I pressed a random number in my call log after waking up. Lucky you, I guess."

"Yeah. Right. Lucky me. And your car keys are...?"

"Confiscated."

"Ah, right, of course."

A beat of silence. Two. Three, then "Look, if you're busy, then–"

"No, no.  You called me, so I'll be there. Give me twenty minutes."

"Alright. Thank–"

"Thank someone else. Also, if you fall asleep in my car, I'm taking it as express permission to drive you around wherever I want."

"Ugh, go die. I don't even know why I bothered."

"LUCKY YOU, I guess," sounds off way too loudly in his ear. "No take backs. See you in ten."

"I thought you said–" Sabo breaks off as the call ends, leaving him staring blankly at his phone's too-dim screen. He squints, turns the brightness all the way up, and still squints as the sunlight proves too strong for the display.

Ace shows up in more than ten but decidedly less than twenty minutes. Sabo doesn't waste much brain power on it, only climbing into the passenger seat and yawning into his palm while his other hand fixes the seatbelt into the buckle. Not a second too soon, too, as Ace roars the engine to life and peels away from the curb at record speed.

Ace fiddles with the radio. He turns the music up, then dial it back down to inaudible. They hit the expressway and he leans over the steering wheel, frowning with his eyes fixed on the road far ahead. Sabo yawns again and this appears to be the limit to his patience. 

"Hey, so, I had a thought after you hung up on me."

Sabo grimaces. "You mean you–"

"Today's Wednesday."

He doesn't elaborate. Sabo is too tired to process. "Yes," he follows, after a second. He glances at the sky out the front window. "What time is it?"

"Oh, uh." Ace fumbles with hand placement so he can lift his watch to his face. "Nine forty."

Sabo takes a couple beats to try and process this, moves his eyes away from the skyline, and sighs as he pulls his phone out. 2:47 is what the display reads, which sounds much more believable.

"How did the minute hand get off?" he mutters to himself, chancing a look at Ace's busted wristwatch. Ace raises a brow, taking his gaze off the road to scrutinize Sabo. "No, it doesn't matter," he mutters to himself once more, sliding his phone away back on his person and out of his hands.

"My point is," Ace continues, like he hasn't just been interrupted by a whole thing. "Your timeout will be done midday Thursday. Did they switch your days off?"

"No." Sabo sighs. "They technically gave me the next thirty-six hours. Technically closer to forty. Something like that. I go back in on Friday. Sometime.” He tries to smile and it turns out very lopsided, from that he can make out in the rearview mirror. “Can you tell I’m tired?”

“I don’t think ‘tired’ is an accurate description,” Ace quips. “When did you eat a proper meal last?”

“Uh, yesterday. Maybe.”

“Maybe??”

“A ‘proper meal’ means different things to the two of us,” Sabo huffs. “On my account it was yesterday. I’ve had food since then, of course.”

“Alright, so here’s the plan,” Ace announces before absolutely whipping it around a curve. Sabo is his passenger in the passenger seat and had fully prepared to be so when he got in the vehicle, but he’d been vastly underprepared for this sudden course of action, which is how he ends up halfway out of his seat with his cheek slammed into the cold window. Ace doesn’t quite notice his brother’s terminal velocity until the car is once again on the straight and narrow, and only then it’s because of the audible thunk Sabo’s face makes when it collides with the glass.

“Aw shit. You good bro?”

“Ow,” Sabo mutters. “If I have broken bones I’m suing your ass.”

“Well, if you’re good enough to make jokes, I think you’re better than you’re letting on.” Ace keeps the wheel steady with one knee while he takes both hands away to crack his fingers. When he glances over at Sabo again, he looks even more pathetic – like he’s becoming one with the glass. “Anyway, as I was saying.

“I’m taking your ass home. You’re going straight to sleep and while you crash, I’ll make you something decent to eat and stick it in the fridge for you to heat up later. I’ll even make you two servings to eat two different times, since you clearly can’t be trusted to take care of yourself correctly.”

“Ouch.”

“I want you to conk out for as long as your body allows. We can reset your sleep schedule tomorrow, alright? Put your phone on silent; do not answer any calls. In fact, you know what, just give it to me.

Sabo glances over to see Ace’s hand held out to him, palm up. Fingers wiggling expectantly. His lips pull up into a grimace. “I’m not doing that.”

“Fine.” Ace takes his hand back. “But you will comply with everything else.”

“Wow! It’s so funny, I didn’t realize you turned into my mother overnight! Really tapped into your mom potential, huh? Anything exciting happen in your life that would cause that? I guess I wouldn’t know, since I’ve been a zombie for the past two days.”

“There’s nothing wrong with acting like your older brother, you dipshit, especially if you keep putting yourself through the wringer like this. You go home. You sleep. You wake up and eat. You go back to sleep. Then we do laundry. Does that sound agreeable?”

“That’s negotiable, at the least,” Sabo mumbles. “I will accept good food as a form of bribery.”

“Oh, nice, because I’m flat broke at the moment.”

Sabo makes a mental note of that, and then they’re pulling into the driveway. Ace lets him exit the vehicle by himself and then promptly manhandles him all the way onto the couch where it will be easier to force his body to relax than in a real bed. Ace knows this, so he calls him weird before chucking a loose blanket at his head. Sabo is almost too tired to function at this point, so he lets Ace have the last laugh in favor of finally closing his eyes.

Coming to is a surreal experience, especially since the sun is still out. He must make a noise because Ace is suddenly within view. His limbs are tangled in the blanket and still so heavy that he doesn’t bother moving. “Thought you would be gone,” he half-groans, eyes slipping shut again for a moment.

“I did leave,” Ace confirms. “I had to go pilfer some stuff to make stew with. It’s almost done, so I’ll hang here until then.”

Pilfer. That could mean any number of things. Sabo chooses to believe in the option where Ace is an upstanding citizen, and then remembers Ace saying earlier that he had no money. He frowns and squirms on the cushions enough to where it looks like he’s checking his pockets. “Where’s my wallet, Ace?” he bluffs.

“Somewhere around here,” Ace pipes up. “Your stomach will thank you for your contributions to the Portgas Household’s pantry!”

“Ugh, I got robbed,” he complains. “This sucks. ‘m going back to sleep.” He rolls over so his back is to Ace.

“Yeah, you do you, bro. Stew will still be here later. I’ll see you when you’re back in the world of the living.”

—

Luffy comes in late that night and slams the front door shut as loud as humanly possible. When he appears in the main room, he doesn’t seem to be upset, so Ace writes it off as a Luffyism. Sabo hasn’t stirred at the noise, so it’s all good.

Realizing this, Luffy pads closer to Ace’s side and looks at Sabo’s unmoving body warily. “Why is Sabo passed out like a corpse? Is he sick?”

“No, he’s not sick, he just can’t take care of himself. Which is why we are going to let him sleep for as long as possible.”

Luffy just nods to this, but it’s the uncomprehending Luffy-nod that means he’s just going to end up doing whatever he wants to regardless. Ace sighs, then jerks his head towards the kitchen. “He ate a little earlier, but I want him to eat again when he wakes up. There’s stew in the fridge if you want it – just leave him a little. Got it, Monkey D. Luffy?”

Luffy throws him a salute and then runs off in his socks. “Yippee! Ace made stew!”

“Think of your brother, Luffy, and make good choices!” Ace calls after him. “He’s a pathetic man who needs food to feel better or he’ll end up sleeping through Laundry Day!”

—

Sabo does not sleep through laundry day, but he does sleep for sixteen whole hours, so it’s just around noon when he forces himself up off the couch and into a warm shower.

Ace is around, which is mildly unexpected. But he’s still half-asleep, so everything is at least a little unexpected. He glances up from playing video games with Luffy to see Sabo leaving the steam-filled bathroom with his hair hanging around his shoulders. “You look like a wet cat,” he calls.

“Sabo’s awake!” Luffy cheers. “Ace thought you died at one point.”

Ace elbows Luffy in the gut, making him hunch over. “I did not!”

“He totally checked to see if your heart was still beating!”

“I’m undead, actually,” Sabo says completely seriously.

“Does that mean you don’t need to eat anymore?” Luffy questions. “Because I ate all the stew last night.”

“I saw that coming and made extra.” Ace finger-guns in Sabo’s general direction. “That’s why I bought two sets of ingredients. With your money!”

“With my money,” Sabo echoes, because it’s such a wild statement to have to deal with this early in the day. Well, early for him. “Fuck you.”

“I mean, I can tell Luffy where I hid–”

“Thank you, Ace, for agreeing to share your quarters with both of your brothers so we can all do laundry today on your dime!” Sabo raises his pitch so his voice is mockingly squeaky when he says this. He starts moving down the hall before Ace can start to argue, letting his and Luffy’s voices bleed into the background.

When he comes back out, now dressed, it smells significantly better than before. “I reheated the stew,” Ace announces, gesturing for Sabo to take a seat at the kitchen counter. “Let’s all have lunch before we head out.”

“You have to drink this too,” Luffy tells Sabo, sliding a Gatorade across the counter so it sets in front of him when he finally does take a seat. “Ace’s orders.”

“Gotta get those nutrients back somehow.”

“Aren’t we so considerate, Sabo?”

“Do you even know what ‘considerate’ means?” Sabo asks, lips quirking up into a half-smile. At Luffy’s shrug, it turns into a real smile. “Well, thanks anyway. Both of you.”

“No sweat. And look!” Ace brandishes a five dollar bill for both to see. “I found this baby for us to use on coins! It’s all on me today–”

“Where’s my wallet, Ace?!”

[kassandras-one-braincell]

ugh when is it my turn to have an irl kassandra i would do anything for her .

anyways what kinds of clothing styles, jobs, or just general day-to-day life (like their houses) do you think modern!kassie/eivor/soma would have?

Pssh, it's not like I've given this any extensive thought in the past or anything... That would be weird... Who would do that haha

I would let's go

Kassandra dresses like a dad who lost his passport in Tenerife on holiday and has been stuck cycling between the same 4 hawaiian shirts since three Tuesdays ago, but owns a few casual suits for work.

She's a historian and museum curator. Specialises in the history of weaponry, occasionally giving guest lectures on ancient swords at universities. Mention any type of weapon and she will not be able to stop herself from rambling about its evolution over the centuries.

Has a pottery wheel. You know that scene from Ghost (1990)? Yeah. Very reliable with the ladies.

Ikaros is her pet eagle, do not ask her how she manages to get him pet insurance because she may have lied about his species.

She has a vegetable garden (her pride and joy, this might as well be her child with how well she takes care of it) and a briki to make coffee with. Kassie always starts her day off with freshly brewed coffee the traditional Greek way, some bread and some fruit, which she always plates too much of because Ikaros likes to steal it.

She's a great cook.

Dozens of books on old weapons are dotted about her home and some (so many. so fucking many holy shit) model replicas because she's a fucking nerd.

You cannot turn a corner inside her home without seeing at least three family photos. Family includes Myrrine, Alexios, Barnabas, Herodotos, Markos, Alkibiades and Phoibe. Nikolaos is in prison for trying to yeet his stepchildren off a cliff.

Phoibe is her goddaughter who calls her "auntie" and Auntie Kass absolutely gives her the world.

━━━( ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠ)━━━

Eivor serves lumberjack realness. Flannels, cargo pants, work jeans, yes she has a tool belt, yes she looks a damn treat in it. All she's missing is the hard hat and the protective visor. The axe is in her workshop.

She wears glasses. This isn't up for debate.

Tattoo artist by trade and has a degree in literature. Her love for poetry knows no bounds. She specialises in black and grey realism and her pieces are breathtaking.

Speaking of poetry, her colleagues bully her mercilessly for being a "big old sap". She has fancy paper to write her poems up on, and a wax sealing kit for handwritten letters. She's old fashioned like that.

Technology is a demon she would rather not trifle with. 100% complains about the need for there to be an app for everything, but she does appreciate video calls so she can see her people.

As a hobby, she pursues woodworking and blacksmithing, sometimes selling her creations. She'd make the engagement ring she proposes to you with herself

Dwolfg (or Chewy, or Mouse) Nali and Dandelion Puff are all beloved members of her household. The neighbours' kids named them all; sometimes she babysits Knud and Sylvi, and of course Eira has to tag along.

Her fridge is full of boring meal prep (you better wife her up and cook for her) but her pantry? Brimming with baking supplies. Ma'am loves to bake. Sure, she eats a lot of grrr protein big strong macro gym buzzword meals, but she loves bread and cake. Big muscles but she likes to eat, so she isn't lean, I'm gonna stop before this gets unreasonably gay

━━━( ͡ಠ ͜ʖ ͡ಠ)━━━

Soma, look, this is gonna be specific, but there's foundations for this in game (her metric fuck ton of rugs in the longhouse). She evidently likes fancy things. Her modern!AU occupation: owner and ceo of a sustainable luxury jewellery brand. Recycled metals, gemstones that are sourced/synthesised sustainably, everything is ethically manufactured and her employees are paid well.

She's from humble beginnings, so she does loads for charity and really enjoys quiet domesticated tasks.

Waistcoats and tie when she's attending businessy things, simple t-shirt or jumper and joggers when working from home. Outside, she wears a few rings that she designed.

Not a particularly great cook, but she's a mean pastry chef. She has a massive sweet tooth. Loves to start her mornings with a homemade croissant and a cappuccino.

There is a post-it note above her desk to reminder her to straighten her posture because she tends to sit like a fucking goblin.

Her home is pretty eclectic, which takes people by surprise given her organised manner. Lots of blankets strewn over the couch, lots of knickknacks she collected over the years, some sentimental ones from Lif and some ruder ones from Birna. A few sketchbooks are scattered about with designs for work.

She has a record player and an ungodly collection of country vinyls. It's okay. Nobody's perfect. It's what makes her human.

Also needs to wear glasses, but wears contacts usually because she insists the specs make her look "old", oblivious to the distant sounds of feral lesbian screaming whenever she puts them on.

[tiredcowboyy]

The treasures of my future

I cant stop thinking ab the idea of merlin one day post s5, where they all survived, becoming really secretive and protective of his room and not telling anyone at all whats inside. Not even gaius. He even gets a lock installed and whenever anybody asks he brushes it off with jokes like “its to stop arthur from finding me” or smth.

he also unrelatedly really hates any talk of destiny, going to war, and anytime morgana mentions her fear of her magic turning her merlin slightly freaks out.

That is until one day gaius manages to catch merlin off guard while hes rushing between the main room and his bedroom and walks in.

Only to see a whole bunch of stuff that hes never seen before.

Merlin freaks out, tries to play it off as some weird experiments and stuff hes been collecting but gaius can feel it, somethings different about these items, not wrong but not right. Not really magic either.

It takes 3 weeks of gaius pestering him before merlin breaks and explains to him that he IS A TIME TRAVELER. after the battle of camlan as we know it that lead to arthurs death, merlin did wait, he really did, but in the year 2020 when arthur didnt return for yet another global crisis, merlin broke and did spell upon spell until he figured out how throw himself back in time.

And holy shit did it work well. He managed to come back just at the perfect time to change everything that needed to be done to assure that everyone lives happily and safely, and when he realises hes done it, he decides to stay in this time. See his friends and family grow old as they should have. See arthur rule as he should have. Live the life he has been craving to go back to for centuries now.

Until a month in he realises how old everything is. Sure merlin can survive without his phone and stuff but theres a few things he really misses. Like his slippers, his potato peeler, his favourite hoodie, and especially his favourite tea flavours.

So once in a while he allowed himself to go back to the modern day and bring one thing back. He started with a scented candle, because candles exist in camelot and having one here shouldn’t mess up time right? Then moved onto a herbal tea that he knows if he traveled past the boarders he may be able to find similar ingredients.

Then he brings a new release of his favourite book series because he cant help it and realises small things like that dont change time.

And so thats what he’s been hiding away in his room, all of his modern day stuff. Ranging from trinkets hes collected over his life to his favourite scarf to his stuffed lion that he won at a fair in the 80s. He doesn’t go back often, only when his tea runs out or he really needs something, he tries to limit it he really does.

It takes gaius another 4 weeks to wrap his head around it all. Another 2 weeks after that to touch merlins stuffed lion thinking it may attack him at any moment.

He makes gaius promise to not tell a soul, offering him tea bags as payment. They have a nice system from then on, gaius would try a new flavour of tea everytime merlin returned, once in a while he would also bring a modern day snack (gaius yelled when he first tried salt and vinegar crisps).

A yell which led to leon finding out. And so a cycle began.

[cuddles-with-dragons]

*movie night* Hunter: Wrecker, for the last fucking time, we're not watching Rocky. Tech: *raises hand* Crosshair: No nature documentaries, either! Echo: I have some perfectly great movies right here, guys. Wrecker: Ya mean that pile of chick flicks? Echo, offended: They're rom-coms! Omega, looking through the pile: *holds up The Princess Bride* But this one says action and adventure... Echo: The box LIES.

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 144

it’s almost midnight on New Year’s Eve. Yennefer runs over to her ex, her beloved (but exasperating) friend, Geralt.

“You’re going to do it, aren’t you? You’re going to kiss Jaskier?”

“Yenn..”

“Come on! It’s new years! If somehow he doesn’t feel the same, just say you didn’t want to be kissless on new years!”

Jaskier has a plan. He’s going to finally (Meletele, FINALLY) kiss Geralt tonight! It’s New Year’s Eve, the perfect excuse! If Geralt doesn’t feel the same way, Jaskier will just say he didn’t want to be kissless on new years!

but then he looks over at Geralt and sees him talking quite intimately with his on-again-off-again lover, Yennefer. Hmph. Maybe he could make Geralt jealous! Show that he has choices too! But who could he get to kiss him?

Aiden is sick and tired of Lambert’s bullshit. They were best friends for a decade, and finally, FINALLY they had kissed at Lamb’s family’s Christmas party. Under the mistletoe, and then very quickly into the bedroom. Aiden thought they were just taking it slow with their new relationship afterward, but when he brought up kissing Lambert at midnight tonight, Lambert had laughed and shook his head.

“There’s plenty of people there for you to kiss, Kitty. Plenty for you to fuck, too.”

Well fine then! Aiden will find someone else to kiss! Show Lambert what he’s missing and make him regret it! He looks for the first person standing alone and beelines to them, surprised to find it to be Jaskier. “Do you want to kiss me at midnight? I’m trying to get Lambert’s head out of his ass.”

Jaskier pauses for a moment, glances over at Geralt, and then nods. “Only if we do it where Geralt can see.”

Lambert is freaking out. He is in love with his best friend, Aiden. And when they kissed under the mistletoe at his family’s Christmas party, Lambert was in heaven. And heaven only got heavenier when he got to taste other parts of Aiden. But come the next morning, Aiden didn’t act any different. That’s when Lambert realized that this was just another one of Aiden’s hookups. Not the great wordless mutual love confession he thought it was.

so when Aiden asked to do it again, Lambert refused. He couldn’t go through being just a night of fun to Aiden, again. Not when he adores Aiden with everything he is.

[deadghosy]

Modern au: Reader & Hazbin crew working at McDonald’s

“Hi welcome to McDonald’s-” Reader says but only to get interrupted by the customer

“Yeah yeah. I want a Big Mac, a chocolate shake, and a 20 pc nugget meal.”

“Damn big ass….you want another round of a Big Mac?” Reader says with unhinged tired look gripping the counter as Angel/Anthony side eyes reader concerned.

In camera room

Angel was facing the camera fluffing his blonde hair. “I mean I knew reader was always the snapping type to snap..but that was a little crazy..”

Outside of camera room

A Karen was yelling at Husk who just blinked into the abyss of nothing as the Karen kept yelling for a coupon. You had finished serving the rude customer as you grabbed some money In the cashier and slammed the money in the Karen’s face.

“Here! And never come again, b#*ch” you said with a straining smile as the Karen gave you a shocked look.

TIMESKIP TO LATER-

Charlie was sitting in the manger’s office doing her work files as vaggie bursted in making Charlie jump.

“CHARLIE!”

“Yes hon?” Charlie says with her friendly smile.

“READER IS OUT THERE FIGHTING WITH SOME ASSHOLE” vaggie yells grabbing Charlie by her wrist

“Wait WH-” before Charlie could say anything else Vaggie pulled her out the door

OUTSIDE OF MCDONALDS

Alastor was watching the fight go down behind the big glass mirror of the restaurant as husk and angel were yelling world star as they record you fighting.

Niffty was just mopping the floor smiling with a tune as Charlie and Vaggie rush past her to see reader fighting.

“GET EM! GET EM!”

“FUCK EM UP KID!”

Charlie and Vaggie exit through the front door to see you doing this to the customer:

[soothsayerditty]

not pictured : bard trying desperately to explain the joke and not realizing miriam was not in the castle when queen order said that.