#mmorpgs just aren't for me

[anakinh]

life is too short to worry about being cringe

i'm gonna post world of warcraft content

[primalruination]

Dread's Dawntrail Preorder Release Giveaway!

In celebration of Dawntrail being open for preorders today, I've decided that I want to give back to this community with a mogstation giveaway. Been itching to change something about your character or eyeing a cute new outfit? Let me take you on a mogstation shopping spree! I'll be choosing three lucky winners who will get $25 USD to spend on whatever their hearts desire from mogstation.

Reblog this to be entered into the drawing.

As this is just a celebration for our beloved MMORPG you aren't required to follow me to enter!

I will be using the mogstation buy for a friend feature. If you win, you MUST be added to my friends list and wait 72 hours before I can send you your items. This is stated in the features rules.

The above rule will also limit the type of items you're able to buy. You will be able to choose anything under these categories: Fantasia, Tales of Adventure, Costume Set, Dyes, Weapons, Tools, Armor, Accessories, and Housing. I have made exceptions in the past with sending money through PayPal if you wish to purchase something not in these categories.

This giveaway is open to EVERYONE since I have alts in every region.

The drawing will start on April 24th, at 8 PM EST and I will announce the winners shortly after. Winners MUST respond within 48 hours or I will draw again.

[formulaorange]

2023 Fall Anime

This is honestly a loaded season full of new shows based on relatively new manga. Lots to look forward to

Spy x Family - Season 2 One of the most fun SJ series that have come out in a while. Season 1 was killer, high hopes for season 2.

Goblin Slayer 2 I didn't realize they were even making a second season. This was such a killer series. I'm really hoping they don't fall into the many mid-tier fantasy tropes out there in anime right now. I thought the appeal of the show was really Goblin Slayer himself and less about the lackeys along the way. So we'll see how it goes.

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End This is definitely one of my highly anticipated series. It's about an elf who was part of the Hero's party and her life after he dies. (Since elves live longer) Definitely a darker take on fantasy but has some really solid fantasy and adventure vibes.

Rising of the Shield Hero - Season 3 Season 2 was pretty disappointing and slow. While this looks like it'll be more fast paced, it does look like a tournament arc of sorts. I know some aren't a fan of that kind of arc, but honestly I think it's exactly what this series needs to pick things up again. We'll see.

The Faraway Paladin - Season 2 This was legitimately one of my favourite fantasy series. I thought it was really well written and didn't rush things like other series. I'm looking forward to this season.

Sequels/Continuations: Eminence in Shadow - Season 2 killer series with an anti-hero main character. Definitely worth checking out. After-School Hanako-Kun Hanako-kun spin off Dr. Stone Season 3 - Part 2 One of the best novel concept series with nothing else in it's genre to compare to. Definitely didn't drop the ball on the recent seasons and still worth watching. Dead Mount Death Play - Part 2 One that I didn't particularly enjoy, but has a decent sized manga following. Tokyo Revengers - Tenjiku Arc The continuation of the series. Might be just me but it feels like the series fell off after the first season. The Saint's Magic Power is Omnipotent - Season 2 A more mature take on fantasy isekai that just started to get into romance at the end of last season. A solid combo of shoujo genres. The Ancient Magus' Bride - Season 2 Part 2 One that I haven't had a change to check out yet but have only heard good things about. Hypnosismic - Season 2 a weirdly addictive musical/rap series. Unique characters and honestly solid rap battles. One I'll be enjoying. -- Related - Paradox Live - Music battle with what looks to be the same style of animation and solid character design. Definitely worth looking at if you're a fan of Hypmic. The Seven Deadly Sins: Four Knights of the Apocalypse A sequel of SDS. Looks like it could be a fun watch for the fans of the series. New:

Shangri La Frontier A new manga fantasy series. This may be a horrible way to describe but it is what it is - a new age SAO- full dive fantasy game. A gamer who only plays shit games, gets into a new massively popular MMORPG and is op. One that I'm excited for because it ticks all the fantasy game boxes I like.

Undead Unluck A relatively new manga series that gained a lot of traction in the last year or two. A gory action comedy that's super chaotic and a lot of fun.

Shy Brand new hero manga series about a shy girl and her anxieties and struggles going into the hero world who grows and gains confidence as she becomes a better hero.

Ron Kamonohashi's Forbidden Deductions This is a manga series that I have kept forgetting the name of so never got a chance to read but all the covers for the manga look phenomenal. Likely the anime doesn't do him justice but it is what it is. Essentially sherlock in anime form. A PI with issues and the wholesome police detective work together to solve crime. Other New Series: Green - Fantasy Pink - Romance Red - Action Purple - Drama The Kingdoms of Ruins A world where witches were hunted down by humans as science surpassed magic. A kid who was raised by a witch swears revenge on mankind. This honestly looks solid. The animations are very cool looking and the mc seems to be an anti-hero. Will be looking at this one. Under Ninja A well known manga series about modern ninjas. Definitely a unique series for this season. The Apothecary Diaries A historical medical mystery show. I've heard the name before and I've also only heard good things. Will be worth a watch. A Girl & Her Guard Dog The granddaughter of a crime syndicate goes to highschool out of town and the current young boss lies his way into the same school. Would be cute romance if it weren't for the fact she's 15 and he's 26.. Butareba - The Story of a Man Turned into a Pig What the title says. A girl finds him and the story goes from there. I'm Giving the Disgraced Noble Lady I Rescued a Crash Course in Naughtiness The usual light novel title. Honestly, doesn't seem as yikes as I initially thought, might just be harmless breaking the rules kinda thing. Could be fun, also a Capybara that strikes fear into people's hearts. My Daughter Left the Nest and Returned an S-Rank Adventurer Looks like a wholesome series where an adventurer finds a baby, raises it and she becomes so strong she's busy working all the time. Just a cute father daughter relationship in a fantasy setting about her wanting to come take time to see him but being caught up in OP fantasy battles. Ragna Crimson Dragons vs Humanity - a human and a dragon team up to destroy all the dragons. Action fantasy series. Berserk of Gluttony I honestly added this because I thought it was hilarious. Looks like a combo of knock offs - the Gluttony skill from Tensura (reincarnated as a slime) and the mc being called Fate with the main girl who looks exactly like Sabre. I'll be skipping but its' here so you know.

[yuurei20]

Hello! I was wondering if you know if there's ever been a name given for the MMORPG Idia and Lilia play together? I tried looking into it, but haven't been able to track down anything on EN that gives a name for it 🤔 Thanks!

Hello hello! Thank you for this question! ^^

I am not sure that the game has been named anywhere as of this post!

Idia says he is "not cut out for co-op multiplayer games," with the game he played with Lilia being an exception. There is a niche, multiplayer "shoot-em-up" game that is mention in Book 7, but it might be different from the MMORPG that we see Muscle Red and Gloomurai discuss so often, and I do not believe that we ever get a name for either of them!

Idia also might play gacha games, but I think the only video game he names outright is the video game adaptation of the anime "Sled Over Heels" (JP: Love Sled)

Idia also mentions playing unnamed dating simulators ("I can map out all the flags and speedrun my way to the end of the route. *sigh* Yikes, that was top-tier cringe even for me."), reading unnamed manga and a "top tier toy collection."

What kind of toys he collects might never be specified, but he lectures Ruggie on figures during Glorious Masquerade ("Well-made figurines aren't just toys. They're works of art.")

As for his other interests, he seems adept at 3D puzzles, a fan of idol group idol group "Precipe Moirai" and of a classic horror B-movie called "Creepy Hollow" (JP: Pumpkin Hollow).

Idia seems to enjoy board games as well and is a member of the board game club, along with Azul. Azul's school uniform vignette is all about Idia trying to get him to play a dice game called "Magical Life" instead of a strategy game ^^

[probablydidrpgideas]

hi! maybe not what you usually reply to but, question about how to navigate difficult players when I (DM) have DID.

2 out of my 4 players are really stubborn when it comes to which kind of characters they want to bring to the table, and they tend to recycle their characters a lot - something that's really frustrating for me, because it makes me feel like my campaigns aren't worth making a brand new character. they want to bring characters I don't think are really fit for the campaign but won't budge

now, most of this is my problem with not being able of regulating my emotions, but it also comes to my DID. dissociative amnesia makes it really hard for me to even remember what they want to bring to the table, some alters have different opinions and inner fighting is fairly common, especially because some alters are introjected from the campaigns I'm currently bringing so they have very strong opinions on how to do it.

I don't know if you have some thoughts about it but I'll appreciate anything!

Hey! Thanks for the ask. Not used to those here, lol.

Now, prefacing that I do not know how your DID works, nor how your campaign/their characters work...

It sounds like you might need to work more on yourself than on your friends. And I do NOT mean that harshly in the slightest.

Those strong opinions are valid -- lord knows I get very particular about how I run my campaigns, and I have found so much success from working with my fiance on duet campaigns where I'm the DM and they're the player. But the issue is... D&D is not a game with a Ruler and Players; it's a game with multiple players, with one who is In The Know.

You're not in control, and that's something that has to be acknowledged as a DM. You know the story -- the characters, setting, goals, etc -- but you are not the story writer. Or at least, not alone. The other players are the ones who determine how the story goes, and you collaborate.

That has been a really hard thing for me to accept, honestly (particularly when I was a player -- @probablyquestionablerpgideas has some horror stories from college of how I acted when I felt like I didn't have agency over my character. Therapy has also done me wonders for my actions as both a player and a DM and I cannot recommend it enough if that's something accessible to you). D&D is collaborative. Your players are there to write the story with you -- however that may look.

So, for instance: you believe their characters don't fit into the story well. So make them fit. What would drive these specific characters to be in this campaign? Plan that with them. It's not that your friends aren't dedicated enough to your story; it's that they have characters that they love, and they want to share those characters with you again, and again, and again. Just in new situations! So, find ways to make it work.

That also doesn't mean completely bending over backwards to fit their character someplace they don't belong. But work together on it. If someone comes to the table of your space cyberpunk story with Dresil Throgdour the Noble Background Paladin Dwarf of Torm, that's clearly a bit of a shock... But what if Dresil is an NPC from the latest hit MMORPG that, through a mysterious computer virus, has taken real form and must find his way back home to fulfill his quest? That is a far better compromise than, "No, that character doesn't fit, you should make a better one." This gives the player the chance to use a character they love, while it gives you the chance to flex your story-skeleton-building. It's a win-win.

The other benefit of this is about the memory. It's pretty easy to forget Generic Elf Noble Paladin of Torm. It's a lot harder to forget MMORPG NPC who has been sucked out of his life and only has a few dialogue options because he's still learning how to talk without his coding. It creates a far more rich landscape of characters.

Lastly, please communicate with your players so they know what's up. Not necessarily that you have DID -- they do NOT need to know your disorder, nor do you EVER need to disclose that -- but an inconsistent DM is frustrating, to say the least, as much as an inconsistent player would be. Even just explaining, "Hey, just so you all know, I really struggle with my memory, so it would be helpful if you all could help keep track of things like important character details you want me to use, or even just tracking which characters you've met." Be kind to yourself! You're a traumatized person who's been through a lot. You deserve some kindness and are worthy of compromise on their parts, too.

And I wish you luck on general DID things like working on better communication and compromise with your alters. My parts and I have gotten a LOT better in that regard, but I'm one of the lucky ones with fairly good communication that we honed for fucking years. Tips and tricks:

Notes. Notes everywhere. So many journals.

Figure out what make your alters lash out and fix that for them. Turns out, one reason our persecutor was so judgemental and hateful fucking constantly (other than, yknow, trauma) was that she didn't have any fucking clothing of her own. Getting her an outfit for her to wear when she was fronting made things infinitely better all around, because it was one less thing to argue about.

When you can't fix the problem (no, we won't get surgery to make us look different, parts), find work arounds (but we will happily get a binder and packers and boxers).

That's just a little bit of guidance. I hope any of that helps. Good luck DMing!

[dumb-dumb-mander]

Just saw Sylvari rebuilding the vines wall of their village in Sparkly Fen and I got a memory back

GW2 is my real first mmorpg. I'm a console player, and even there, I never touched an "open world" game

So when @/salad-tales made me discover that game, I got my first experience of what is probably normal in a game like this

But I laughed in wonder and awe to see 2 npc fighting, an enemy (red) and friendly (green) one out of event

We were just passing by, it wasn't scripted or anything, it was just... ambient

And I got amazed to see that stuffs was happening outside of events, outside of "you're supposed to see/watch it"

It's exactly like these Sylvari building their vines wall back

Anet could just make them pop back. They could make npc not interact at all and have "funny" sight to have a red and green npc next to each other

But no

It's like the ambient dialogues !

They aren't speaking to you, they aren't speaking about you. Sometimes they aren't even talking about lore or anything story relevant

That you are here or not to give it attention, it will happen. It will happen without you. They weren't "made for you"

Those things make me feel this world more alive. The world turns outside of your sight. You aren't the center of the universe, Commander, Killer of Elder Dragons or not, there are things happening that don't include you

I just.. I awe how much this world is alive

We are part of that world, not the opposite

don't come in the comment about how it's just a video-game, I know Sherlock, I know at the end of the day, everything is made specifically for us player, hush

[physicsfox7]

You sly dog, you got me monologuing!

Why not?

So I've gotten back into FFXIV pretty hard since I tried it last year. A few friends really pushed me, and I'm enjoying it. Good story, good music. The combat still feels a little bit wonky, but I'm an old school FF player and this is my first MMORPG.

The best times are when my friends aren't busy and they can run dungeons with me, or we explore areas they've seen 100 times and as I explore this new place they tell me about it's history and memories they have of it.

The game is mindblowingly gorgeous. Every time I revisit Gridania and sneak back to my favorite perch at The Hawthorne Hut, I am entranced by the leaves flowing in the wind, the rain falling on a roof, or the ridiculous amount of stars shining in the night sky.

(I know, anyone who's played already knows this, sue me; I am sprout.)

A couple of weeks ago we ran the Alexander raids together, and it was an absolute joy to watch experts play and simultaneously nurture their adopted sprout. Yesterday we visited Ivalice, and I was able to fall in love with the FFT soundtrack all over again and see old friends.

The community has been extremely kind. When my friends are busy, or trying to find some peace for themselves (or hitting the new expansion hard!) and I am left to my own devices, I have come across almost universal support. New job class and running a dungeon for the first time? They'll give you tips, let you run at your own pace, and when you screw up? They pick you up, dust you off, and encourage you to try again.

An unintentional side effect of immersing myself in another FF universe is RP. And no, not ERP. Although that exists, I have not had an opportunity to explore it. (I'm 100x more shy in a video game than on Tumblr, go figure)

We go to a quiet bar, torment ourselves with exotic food that we don't get to eat and drinks that sound terrifying or delectable. Sometimes both. And we talk. We talk to each other, as our characters. Intricate backstories that span a whole game and four expansions, almost 1000 primary quests. These folks have spent years perfecting their characters story.

Now, I had no concept of how in depth this was when I walked into that bar. A simple question about where you're from can spawn conversations that run for hours, with everyone having an opinion on the country you're from. Just don't be Garlean. My first night, I was asked what I do for a living. I said adventurer, because that's a fairly typical answer. I was immediately swept under their wing, to be given tips on how to clear Copperbell more efficiently, what weapon I should be carrying, where to find the cheapest gear that will protect you and look good.

My god, the clothes in this game. Hundreds of articles for each portion of the body. There's a whole website dedicated to picking out the perfect outfit for your gunslinger or white mage.

The best trick? Have loving friends who send you the really sick Converse/Vans, despite your protests. When you push them for why? Because I wanted them. (For reference, decent boots run 30k gil on the market board, the Converse/Vans run 750k because the materials are hard to come by. Needless to say, I have run the last 28 levels wearing orange sneakers, and I look fucking good doing it.

So back to the RP, the original point of this post. Last week, I was sitting in the bar talking about places I wanted to visit (in character, I have already been there for the quests). Mor Dhona was mentioned, as it's the site of on of the most pivotal moments in the story: The Calamity.

When it was recommended to me, my character pulled out a worn leather journal and wrote it down. An innocuous but important detail, to make the immersion feel deeper. The journal was passed around, returned to me, and eventually put away. Not even a physical thing, it spurned a long conversation about the adventurer's life, and the trials they undergo.

Then, my brain said something to me a couple of days ago. What if the journal was real? Tangible, physical, something detailing my characters adventures as that happen, stuffed with "drawings" (my character can draw, I cannot. At all. I have an ink jet printer and an app that converts jpegs into very convincing sketches) and souvenirs from his adventure's?

Sounds a bit silly, but it would be an easy way for me to track the details of conversations, and giving me a little arts and crafts project, as a treat.

So I did it. I bought a (frankly overpriced) leather journal with a compass rose sewn onto the cover with black thread. Beautiful sturdy leather and crisp cream pages.

Then I set about bringing it half way to destroyed. A leather journal carried in the field, through the rain and rivers, into combat, through the snow and up mountains does not stay immaculate for long. My character has had the journal for about 4 months, so I needed to beat it up and give myself a head start. Scuff the leather, soften the edges, curl the whole thing so it never sits flat. Drip a little bit of sealing wax on the cover, put small punctures into the back and knicks out of the corners.

The pages? Some got the tea treatment, to try to age them. No dice, this damn modern paper is resistant to stains. Water stains are forthcoming, but I am an impatient being and already started writing in it. Then a revelation came to me.

I am an absolutely massive fan of FFVIII. Obsessed with it. I know the names of every song in the OST and where each song is used, I have the Lionheart necklace and ring, I have beaten Omega on multiple occasions for fun. Anyone who knows me know I am an FFVIII nerd, and I ain't sorry.

So when I was designing my character last year, the face has scar options. Well, what better choice than Squall's scar? I'll have some of that I said.

Well, my character is from a small, relatively peaceful fishing village. Where the hell did he get that ridiculous scar?! The first job he took, of course! But alas, he was carrying his journal with him when he was injured, and it seems it soaked up quite a bit of blood. Some recommended beet juice. I tried raspberry tea, cherry juice, pomegranate concentrate. Nothing. Oddly, the tea dyed the test page blue.

What time of the year is it? Halloween of course! So we buy some fake blood and I'll be damned if it doesn't look like the real thing. It stains the pages, and the rough parts of the leather.

Now, just 4 or 5 days later, it has a leaf from Gridania from the day my character arrived there, drawings of the aetheryte station, some of the people he's met along the way and some of the more impressive geographic features (the ones that coincidentally took my breath away), and even a Triple Triad card. There are plans to visit the Sea of Clouds and meet the Vanu Vanu, so we'll be tucking a feather into the pages. So many other things await.

This has become a (probably for you, dear reader, painfully) long post about my current autistic obsession. I am particularly proud of this journal. While I was inspired by another persons comment, the execution was all mine. So, having gotten to the bottom of this essay, either by scrolling or reading, I have but one question: Do you wanna see the journal?

edit: it will literally only take one person saying yes.

[elliewiltarwyn]

I have to ask top 5 npc 👀

well if you guys insist 👀 this will get extremely long, i'm sure, so i'll throw it under the cut to save your dashes lol

-----------------------------------

5. Emet-Selch

yes part of me is a basic bitch and is in agreement with everyone that damn, that villain of the award-winning expansion of the critically acclaimed MMORPG do be written ridiculously well. part of me is such a basic bitch that i am among the many who made an ancient OC named Persephone. (She isn't Ellie's ancient, and therefore not Azem, for whatever that's worth. :V)

but I mean. damn, he's written well. and I really feel his influence in nearly every corner of the ingame universe. Ellie stands firmly against him, but also can't say for certain she'd make any different choices if she had been in his position, having lost everyone she ever loved. honestly one of the best implementations of the "everyone is the hero of their own story" concept I've ever seen.

plus he's just such a rude, uptight little bitch, and it's amazing to watch.

4. Alisaie

Both of the twins are really good, and I am definitely among those who, despite their less-than-stellar introductions, eventually ended up going all "I'm having children. it's you. sign these adoption papers." but Alisaie in particular has the fierce drive and endless capacity for love that connects with Ellie so well. they're both fiery and vivacious and searching for some sort of purpose in a world that doesn't care and eventually find that meaning in the people they love. Straightforward, hates beating around the bush, so eager to cut to the point that she pops the LB immediately every dang time on like the GCD right before I try going for it--

yeah she's just really good and she feels like a sister after everything we've been through.

3. Lyse

So, I grew up in the shadow of an older brother; he was immensely popular, very self-confident, and knew what he wanted to do with his life ever since he was a kid. Everyone loved him, everyone admired his clear sense of purpose... and more than a few people looked at me in his wake and literally asked "why aren't you that cool? you should try and be more like him." not even exaggerating.

thankfully, I've done a lot of self-growth and am on very good terms with him these days. A lot of that sense of self-growth came from finding the courage to strike out on a path he hadn't laid down before me, find ways to define myself that aren't just carbon copies of his own traits. It was better for everyone for me to figure out what I wanted and how to achieve that by becoming the best version of myself -- not anyone else.

is it any godsdamn wonder Lyse resonates so much with me? plus she's a beautiful kinda-dumb punch girl, and I live for that archetype. In my canon, Ellie drops reaper after Endwalker and trains up to be a monk under Lyse, because albeit for different reasons, Ellie also empathizes a ton with Lyse's struggles and development. to the extent of fairly severely crushing on her for a long time imma be real.

2. Esteem

you ever just *clenches fist* become so traumatized that in order to cope you manifest your own inner darkness that wants you to love yourself so much that she tries to subsume you into herself so you don't have to suffer anymore, only to come to terms with the weight of all the traumas you are carrying and learning to love yourself through it all anyway, in a way that helps you master the darkness and bring it to bear against those who deserve it? is-- is this not a common experience? oh. well I mean. it was very cool to have that happen.

Ryne

i made a meme a long time ago for this exact purpose:

i love my beautiful gay daughter

thanks for the prompt and the excuse to gush, @oneiroy and @alliezweihander!!

[judasrpc]

PALIA SENTENCE STARTERS

based on the mmorpg 'palia' developed by singularity 6. add context & change gendered language to your needs !! if multi, please specify which muse(s) !!

Welcome to the general store, pal.

[…] so I guess I should say: welcome to the livin'!

Come back when you get some cash, we'll take care of your needs.

The more you spend, the more you get back. Trust me. That's just how the world works.

What can I do for you?

Make the most out of each day, my friend.

Here I was thinking you'd be too busy setting up to say 'hello'. How goes it?

Are you new in town, or just passing through?

There's something about you that just brightens up my day.

I have a good feeling about today.

I don't know about you, but I'm starting to get sleepy.

So, I think it's safe to say my job is about to get A LOT more interesting.

Are you off on an adventure?

Today is a great day for adventure! Well… any day is a great day for adventure. But today is especially good.

What ails you, my four-legged friend?

You've got a surprise for me?

I wish I knew what you were saying…

Well, if it isn't another friend I haven't met yet!

Hey there! The day treating you alright?

I don't know it [name] was laughing with me or at me, but either way, I appreciate the chuckle.

Tonight, I'm feeling exuberant, with a bit of nostalgic ennui mixed in.

I don't need your company… but it would certainly be appreciated.

Relaxed… I envy you. I don't think I've ever felt relaxation.

It pleases me to see your thirst for knowledge is so difficult to quench.

Back again, are we?

Your mischief and wit know no bounds, neither does your desire for knowledge.

Even the most cunning hunter needs a helping hand once in a while. You hear me? If you ever need help, all you have to do is ask.

You showed up just in time.

I like you and all, kid, but there ain't nobody who can stop me from bein' me.

So, how are you feeling? I am sure this is quite a lot to take in.

Keep that positivity, and you'll overcome any troubles the world offers you.

I was just settling in for my evening meditation. Care to join me?

Name's [name], but you can call me trouble.

I see that look on your face. Up to no good, aren't ya?

Let me guess: You were just dying to see me.

Just so y'know, our doors are always open for ya.

So nice to talk to someone who wants to listen… between you and me, with the kids, it's always in one ear and out the other.

There's nothin' like the feelin' of a job well done.

Some people think it’s boring all the way out here… But I like it.

It is way too early… or did I stay up too late?

You might want to stand back. I’m working on my latest invention, and I’m not entirely sure this thing is stable.

You look as though you have something you’d like to ask.

I chose to keep them around for mostly sentimental reasons.

These daily chats of ours bring me much peace. Please continue to come by, I would miss it if they stopped.

I’m also good at lifting heavy stuff, if you need anything heavy lifted!

You lost? That's okay, I get lost sometimes too.

Oh… sorry I didn’t see you there. I was just a bit distracted. Seems to happen to me a lot…

I am just an intrepid explorer of the supernatural, a detective of the unseen divine, a pioneer of pervasive thought…

I am glad you are still able to experience joy after everything you’ve gone through.

Hello, hello! You have caught me at just the right time.

All it’s taught me so far is how to die of boredom. So stop by again later and keep me entertained, ok?

Are you just going to stand there staring at me, or did you have something to say?

Sometimes I forget how interesting the world is. Like, I’m pretty sure I saw a gnarly looking beetle over there!

Aren’t we feeling bold today?

Oh, good. Someone to talk to who DOESN’T give me a splitting headache.

This had better be important…

I was so caught off guard, I realized I forgot to introduce myself or explain why I'm here.

Why don't you come back when my head's spinning just a little less?

It's good to see you again! I always look forward to seeing your face. But you know, like a normal amount.

It is… good to see you. Why was that so hard to say?

Perhaps you should learn to become more comfortable with solitude yourself.

Oh no, I know that look.

I'm presently ruminating on the darkness of the soul.

I do fear where my thoughts might go if I linger here alone too long…

Unfortunately, I returned with many new ideas and no new direction.

Beyond that, you shall have to answer the question of "what you are" for yourself. As do we all.

You were bound to return one day… why not today?

For now, I enjoy basking in the presence of others.

Hmm… What should I make for dinner tonight…?

You’re talkin’ to me?

Been makin’ a name for yourself lately. Every time I go into town, someone’s singin’ your praises.

[kuri-no-tani]

JVC Post #30

Welcome to the NHK

This was one of the first anime I watched on my own, and at the time I loved it. I thought it was one of the best anime I had seen. Now, after watching it again after so many years, I still think it's pretty good, but not as good as I thought at one point. It's part of a slew of important anime that came out in 2006, which was a huge year in anime. Some other big names from that year are The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya(<3), The Familiar of Zero, Death Note, Aria, and Code Geass. There were also some cool OVAs like the Hellsing Ultimate OVA and Dai Mahou Touge. Though this anime is way too pervy. I think there's a lot this series could have done if it didn't have so much perv humor (even if I get why it was included).

Satou is a pretty well written character as well. He feels like a realistic portrayal of a shut-in NEET. This is a common point that a lot of people bring up when they watch this show.

That being said, Satou is also pretty clearly mentally ill (he doesn't have schizophrenia) which is part of the depiction of hikikomori. It's easy to tell someone that you just have to go out and talk to people or whatever, but it's never that easy for that person. For someone like Satou, something that simple is an insurmountable hurdle. Though, it's not just presenting Satou's issues. It also shows you (and Satou) that everyone struggles in their own way. This is harder to see in the 4 episodes we watched but I think the way this show presents mental illness and the complex situation someone Satou is in is something worth noting.

But all of this is really slapped around by the presentation sometimes. Particularly the way it jumps around after episode 11. The anime is a lot different than the manga or light novel, which are more focused. I feel like this anime would be better if it had stuck to what it was building up in the first half of the show instead of going off on a tangent in the later half. It would have been great as a 13-14 episode anime, even if they did change a lot of it from the light novel/manga. While I love MMORPGs, we didn't need 8 episodes about it in the show.

Its hard to get everything out of this anime with just a few episodes. Some of the episodes are just stuffed with great moments. Despite a lot of it being gross and weird, not a lot of shows have this sort of presentation of otaku culture to my knowledge so it's neat to see. It makes me cringe and look away but it's neat.

What I think the main point of this series is, is to tell people who identify with Satou that no one can go it alone, and to get them to realize that people like Misaki don't exist. You can't hope that someone is gonna knock on your door and rip you out of what you're going through. You have to put in work to make progress on your own; No one can do it for you. It also uses the NHK (Nihon Hikikomori Kyoukai) as a metaphor for blaming the world around you rather than looking inward. It's easy to imagine that you're part of some conspiracy or are in your situation because somehow everything is out to get you, but that's not (usually) the case.

However, I think the "message" of the show might be kind of murky and not well defined. Even with it's realistic depiction of an otaku shut-in NEET, it doesn't say enough about it or offer anything for Satou in the end other than a bittersweet, unhealthy relationship with Misaki. People who relate heavily to Satou aren't going to come out of NHK with anything but a lasting impression of that realistic depiction and will have nothing to go off of. It's a bit disappointing.

Lastly I wanna point out a cultural reference I noticed that I hadn't before. Though we didn't watch it, you can see in episode 3 when Yamazaki hands Satou his top 10 gal-games he hands him "Toki-doki Memorian" which is an obvious reference to Tokimeki Memorial (which is a great game you should play it). Pururin is also pretty clearly inspired by Di Gi Charat's Dejiko.

[marcilled]

According to the votes on that poll, at least 70% of you want to hear about my FFXIV ocs (meanwhile, only 12% think i should sleep. so i'm awake still, typing this.) I'll ramble about them under the cut, but for the ~7% that said they don't know what ffxiv is, I ended up rambling quite a bit about what ffxiv even is, and why I personally enjoy it/what i recommend for anyone who's interested in it. (I made it easy to skip over if you don't care to read about that, though)

Gonna put this under a readmore since it got really long;

Cassern Qestir! my main girlie. she/it pronouns. lesbian .

she's the warrior of light. if you don't know what that means; it's the protagonist. if you still need more context:

(skip to the blue text if you don't want to read me explain ffxiv and why i think it's worth playing, i didn't expect to ramble this much about it...)

Final Fantasy XIV is a MMORPG by Square Enix. Most other final fantasy games aren't MMOs, but this one is. That means it's a multiplayer game with RPG elements. It's also heavily story-driven. While you might hear people complain about the story at times- and I'd be one of them- it manages to really leave an impression in spite of any contrivances, awkward writing, or plotholes. That's due to the fact that the player character is... well, whoever you want them to be.

Your WoL (Warrior of Light), the player character, is the protagonist of the story. And it really must be emphasized... They are so, so fully the protagonist, it's hard for other protagonists to even compare to the protagonist energy the warrior of light has. That might seem... dull or uninteresting to some, but eh, it's not like you can please everyone- the point is for you to get into character, and if that doesn't interest you, then hopefully the other characters in the story will. Personally I love this aspect- I've made the WoL my own oc with a really, really detailed backstory. Which brings me to my next point;

The Worldbuilding... The worldbuilding is probably the strongest point of ffxiv, aside from the STELLAR soundtrack it boasts. The worldbuilding is incredibly detailed, and is there to encourage roleplaying, as well as to help the plot along (tho, really, it works best as a means to encourage roleplay). I suppose I should be more specific here; it's the setting that's really the key point here- the world, the cities, each and every river and valley... But also the time period, the history, etc etc etc... There's a lot of material to work with, and I suppose you'll just have to believe me that it's really quite in-depth (if you're interested in that depth! totally fine not to engage with it, too.)

All of this isn't... going to grab or interest everyone, certainly, but eh, I've accepted that at this point lol. Don't force yourself to keep playing it if it isn't grabbing you, but for me, I started playing it for the social aspect- doing something in the game with friends, socializing in the game, making new friends through it... it's been great for that. What I didn't expect is how much the story would grab me.

FFXIV's story is very slow to start, but gradually builds on the humble roots of your adventurer until you're literally saving the entire universe. It's very, very gradual, and this slow pace might turn people off as well. Especially if you hear people say "it really gets good at heavensward!" "shadowbringers is unforgetable!" "just wait til next expansion--" these sorts of things are common to hear, but it's the same as touting that a game gets good "after the first 20 hours of gameplay", it's poison. Just try it out and see how you feel about how it plays. If the style of doing quests is interesting to you, if the combat feels engaging or shallow. etc. hey wait this was supposed to be about my ocs. ok i'll finish talking about the story and then get back to my ocs.

Anyhow. The story is really shallow at first, it's true. Even within the whole base game itself, (A Realm Reborn, aka 2.0), it can be a bit dull and contrived, and boy oh boy is the voice acting completely awful... It's rough around the edges. But if you're like me, you can really appreciate a series that starts out rough around the edges, and slowly evolves over time from humble beginnings into an epic tale that really blows away your expectations... It's about growing with the narrative, to me. If that sounds interesting to you, maybe you'll like it. I certainly did. In fact, ffxiv might be like... top 10 games to me, in terms of how its story affected me personally. Particularly the shadowbringers and endwalker expansions. But you can't skip all the way there, either- the context of everything that happened before it is crucial to understanding where you're at once you get to those expansions. The more you skip, the more lost you'll likely be. Take your time. Don't rush. And ignore anyone who tells you "it gets really good at (x) part!!!", it's a great way to set yourself up for disappointment if you end up not personally connecting with a certain plotline or character moment. I think, the thing that makes ffxiv really special... is.. it's YOUR story. The story of you- your warrior of light. And the parts that are going to connect for YOU, and for your warrior of light, are not necessarily the same as what connects for anyone else. You may end up loving the slow, humble beginnings of ARR, and feel alienated by all the saving-the-world stuff that comes later. Who knows! It's what you make of it. That's kind of the beauty of it. Now, I could talk all day about how I personally connected to shadowbringers and endwalker, (and some smaller moments, scenes, & questlines from earlier in the game), but you didn't come here for all this, you came here to read about my ocs. SORRY.

I'm done talking about FFXIV as a game now. It's time to ramble about my OCs.

FFXIV is really great for making OCs, if you like its setting. Square Enix doesn't like when you talk about it, but there's a pretty big modding scene that lets you customize your characters way beyond what the vanilla game allows for. This is often used for horny purposes, but more interesting to me personally is the gender euphoria I get from seeing my own body reflected in my own character. I gave Cassern wider shoulders, made her taller than any other au ra woman can be in vanilla, and gave her the horns that are typically only on male character models. She is so transgender. i love cassern.

Cassern Qestir is the warrior of light, meaning she's the protagonist that goes on to save everyone and everything. But at the start of her story, she's a budding new adventurer, completely new to Eorzea- her home is far to the east, in the Azim Steppe, where most Xaela Au Ra hail from. It started out casting spells, but picked up ninjitsu along the way, and quickly became one of the most skilled shinobi there is.

(she kills fascists lol)

she's also pretty socially awkward, in spite of her unparalleled combat capabilities... it lacked a lot of confidence early on in the story, too, but over time it got a lot of character development, and gained confidence. my little beepo. i have a lot of photos of it, but I don't want to make this TOO long... plus, it's difficult to give a spoiler-free overview of her character that's still approachable to people that don't know anything about the game. I suppose I could talk about her backstory, because most of my writing for her actually happens before the main game... but, eh, I'd still need to introduce a lot of settings and topics that wouldn't make sense if you haven't played before. tricky to do. maybe I'll attempt that one of these days. Anyhow... onto my next oc...

This is Samga Mol! they/them. bi.

Samga is a touchy, standoffish Xaela dragoon. (Dragoon means they fight with a lance- it's one of the many jobs in the game, like Ninja is. I'd need another long tangent to explain that in full.) Samga was actually close friends with Cassern in their youth, having also grown up on the Azim Steppe- but the two of them haven't spoken in years... I wonder what happened between them?

They're very edgy, as dragoons often are- but they also have a softer, gentler side that they don't often let show... They also get grumpy if you say they're cute. (Which is just even cuter, by the way.) They actually have a soft spot for animals, particularly chocobos.

But shhh, don't tell anyone you saw them like this... they have a reputation to uphold, you know. Tough, menacing dragoon that kills in the name of dragonkind and all that. Most feared heretic in all of Ishgard, strikes fear into the hearts of the temple knights... Wait, weren't they from the Azim Steppe? How did that happen?? Hmm, I wonder...

---

I have a lot more OCs, but most of them don't have cohesive designs and intricate backstories like Cassern and Samga do- and more often than not, mostly exist just to add more depth to the story between the two of them. There's a few others I have, like this mad scientist catgirl named Dr. Frankie. I'm still working on her. She's completely unrelated to Cassern and Samga's story;

stay tuned if you enjoy morally dubious scientist women with an ephemeral grasp on social etiquette. i'm already obsessed with this little freak, i just need to develop her a bit more before i start showing her off all the time. she also has an ... "assistant" that i'm excited to design. more on that later.

Anyhow, this was a really, really brief overview of my ocs, and I have SO many more thoughts on them, that I post about with much more frequency over on @azimsteppe ... when I remember to... (I usually use twitter for ffxiv stuff, but I'm sure you're all familiar with how that website is faring these days...) just be aware that there are spoilers on that blog, and although i try to tag them, you'll likely run into some spoilery stuff if you browse there long enough.

please let me know what you think!! it always makes me happy hearing what people think of my ocs and what interests them about them... :] and!! big thank you for reading all of this!! it was a lot of fun just to ramble lol, my ocs mean a lot to me. so i'm glad it interests at least some of you. take care!!

[g-hua]

Wuthering Waves is pretty nice so far. I really like the plot, the lore, the world, the characters, and their design. The combat looks and feels really nice. I'm fully aware that it's a Genshin clone, but it's the first Genshin clone that I've tried so far that managed to keep me interested.

The gacha system is also less unforgiving (although it's still a gacha system and inherently predatory, so I hope it doesn't lul anyone into overspending on it just because it's slightly more player friendly).

I can't really add any positives that other people haven't already mentioned over and over again. It's actually really fun and pleasant looking with an interesting plot.

But...

1. It's 2024. Why does the android version not have controller support...? Why do mobile developers keep doing this...? Specially Chinese mobile developers, Android based OSs absolutely crush iOS in China due to affordability (and other more shady marketing reasons framed as nationalism). Are they unaware that people use mobile controllers like the kishi or a Bluetooth one? My boyfriend gave me a kishi ages ago for Christmas and I rarely get to use it properly outside of ported Indies... I always have to use Mantis Gamepad, and it's just not the same because I'll still have to use the touchscreen for menu stuff a lot... I usually use my Xbox controller for my chromebook tablet too... Why are these mobile games always so mobile player unfriendly? The lack of controller support makes the platforming and similar activities (like, for example, time trials) so frustrating that I'm ignoring them all... Maybe I'm spoiled by my switch, playing games on it always feels so much more comfortable and fun (that... was a gift from the boyfriend too... I feel like I'm just spoiled in general now).

2. The disconnects, the +200 and +300 ping, the random once in a full moon clipping of character's design elements (like Rover's ponytail, the odd glitch once in a decade... The game feels like they almost managed to polish it fully but ran out of time at the last moment... It's not a big deal at all but it's enough to notice that they don't have the same resources as mihoyo. I don't mean this in a "mihoyo best company" kind of way because no, definitely not, but more in a way where if this company wants to compete with them they need to compensate for their lack of resources with more care for their project. I tried their previous game, Punishing Gray Raven, and I feel like more care was put into it. Maybe they just wanted to rush this one out as quickly as possible to increase profits before people got over games like this or because they were afraid the market got suddenly saturated because they weren't quick enough? The aesthetic things like the clipping and the rare glitch don't bother me, but... The ping and the disconnects... It always disappoints me when that happens during game launches... It demotivates me to play a lot... I used to play MMORPGs on US servers while being in the EU back in 2014/15 and had fewer ping problems... The companies that made the MMOs I played didn't have the resources that Kuro Games has and still managed...

(Edit: I just realised that might sound confusing, I'm playing in the EU server. What I meant was that I had less ping issues playing games on a server that wasn't meant for me back then than I do playing this on a server that is meant for me.)

Putting those two together is shooting yourself in the foot... If a player is already dealing with ping spikes and disconnects and you make aspects of the game that require precision more frustrating due to the lack of controller support... How is the player supposed to become invested in the game? They will get frustrated and go play something else until the frustration passes. They won't feel comfortable investing money into the game because they aren't immersed in it properly. I understand that these companies don't care about the casual player all that much (much less the F2P player) and that most of their revenue comes from the whale players, but this will push possible whales away too... That's mostly why I don't get decisions and mistakes like this... It's in the own company's best interest to fix these things...

[daemon-in-my-head]

Can I just ramble for a while? Well even if I can't ill do it anyway.

I've never really done the whole fandom bit, at least not for CRPGs like BG3. At most I was involved in my MMO communities and well, safe to say shits different over there. While they're called MMORPGs they aren't really treated like an RPG, you are your character, or the many characters you have. It's not a separate entity or smth. Mainly also because they're just so focused on community, time yada yada.

So do color me surprised when I actually interact with the fandom and people like and share each other's OCs, how OCs actually have "fans" or rather people other than their creator who likes them or have opinions on them.

I have no point besides that. I just think it's cute and a very nice thing. Please never stop that. You guys are cool. Please talk more about your OCs.

[formulaorange]

Winter 2024 Anime Review

Solo Leveling - 24 Episodes

This has been and will be my most anticipated series. We've only scratched the surface of the story and people are going nuts. I've been reading the light novel translations for a while now and I'm not even a little ready for when certain things are animated.

Easily one of the best anime adaptations out there. More to look forward to.

Sidenote - A1 is killing the animations considering it's one of their bigger ones in a while.

Also - they did a really solid job with the sound design, a lot of the timing made certain scenes feel just that much more intense.

9/10 - Amazing

Frieren - 28 episodes

Such a unique watching experience.

I think so many shows these days are fast paced, and action oriented, especially within the fantasy genre. This is such a relaxing and enjoyable watch.

The story is moving and the animations are warm and fuzzy.

Not much I'd change about the series.

10/10 - Masterpiece

The Apothecary Diaries - 24 Episodes

The second half of this series kept up with the flow of the first half really well. I feel like that shouldn't be a feat but it really is these days.

I genuinely love watching the subtleties of the romance in this series and the medical mystery cases are just as fun to watch.

The story has so many little bits and pieces working throughout the show and the last episode had me wrecked for reasons I never saw coming.

Just overall a big fan of this series.

9/10 - Amazing

Delicious in Dungeon - 12/24 Episodes

This series has no right to be this much fun.

The animations match the energy of the show so well and I think it's one of the best "entertainment" series of the season.

I was worried it would start to repeat itself but found that the characters become the highlight of the series and I looked forward to every episode.

(This is the series this season that I'm high-key obsessed with.)

8.5/10 - Very Good+

Shangri-La Frontier - 25 Episodes

One of the most fun looking MMORPG animes I've seen. I remember reading the teaser manga a while ago and was stoked to see it animated. Just a genuinely well done gamer oriented series.

They do such a good job at showing exactly the kinds of small things gamers pay attention to and some of the combat learning is stellar.

Not to mention the sound track honestly did not need to go as hard as it did?!

Really hoping they continue on with this for another season.

8/10 - Very Good

Bucchigiri?! - 12 Episodes (Updated)

I haven't seen any coverage for this show for some reason. It's a one shot that Mappa animated. The story felt quite slow but I personally had fun with it, the character design was satisfying - gives a bit of Jojo's and SK8 vibes. After a few weeks I couldn't stop thinking about it and went back - it ends up being a decently satisfying story. It's rare to see single season shows and I think that was really refreshing.

(Opening and ending are both bangers)

7.5/10 - Good+

Mashle - Season 2 - 12 Episodes

I decided to watch this once all the episodes had aired. I found that it's not one you can be in the mood to watch all the time, but when you are it's just as hilarious as the first season.

I've enjoyed the pacing of the story and I'm looking forward to future seasons.

7.5/10 - Good+

Unwanted Undead - 12 Episodes

Another series I read the manga for when it premiered. There's something about this series that gets me hooked. While the animations aren't anything of note, I find the story is oddly unique and I ended up bingeing all the episodes in one go. Definitely one I'm curious to see where it goes.

7/10 - Good

Mr. Villain's Day Off - 12 Episodes

This is purely for my own personal interest in attractive moody villains with alter ego's. It's a lot of fun to watch and it's just so wholesome.

That's it.

7/10 - Good

[woaddragoon-nadya]

Predicting the end of 2.55

Just finished up the fight for Ishgard, but I haven't started crystal tower yet so I'll give my thoughts just to see what comes of them. Also just some of my thoughts on stories/characters

Spoilers for 2.0 onwards below!

1. Betrayal of the Braves

I think the leader of the Braves is going to backstab Alphinaud. Obviously he's still alive given the trailers, but I think maybe the leader turns the Braves into an evil organization? I don't see any promo materials after this that include them. Idk he for sure killed that other kid. I just don't see the benefit other than money. Maybe he's a monetarist?

2. Alphinaud is SUPER immature

Alphinaud is pissing me off. Still love him, but he is just so naive. "You guys are the absolute worst for not helping Ishgard!! 😡😡"

The Admiral (being logical) "We have to farm out jobs to WOL because we don't have enough people for our own problems? Also we literally JUST had a war that killed hundreds (if not thousands) of soldiers? That Ishgard didn't help with? WOL also just uncovered a double agent within the Flames even though Ul'dah is already on the edge of collapse? Where are we getting soldiers from??" And Alphinaud, who really shouldn't even be at this meeting, gets mad at her! Buddy this is a stupid hill to die on!!

They always say the Alphinaud is the negotiator but I'd argue like half of the other scions would be better candidates. It always is so weird to me that everyone calls him "Commander Leveilleur." He looks and acts like he's 19 (coming from a 19 year old)! Surely Papalymo, Y'shtola, Thancred, or hell even Urianger would be better? Somebody more mature with fewer anger issues.

3. Losing the Light

Also, maybe its just the RPer in me, but I really wish there was more emphasis on WoL losing the light. Hopefully that'll come after the crystal tower quests? Imagine you're the chosen one. The fabric of the universe decides to make you her sword. And some dead fuckin dragon just takes it away for no reason? The main reason anybody gives a shit about WoL is because they are so powerful and special. So the fact that we can't tell anyone that a part of us got ripped away? Minfilia goes "aw that sucks." And we just don't do anything else? Moonbryda probably would've lived if we still had the light. And we aren't IMMEDIATELY swords/wands blazing killing the thing that did that to us?

Every time my WOL shrugs when asked how she's doing I want to tell at the screen. Like "Babes, you're TRAUMATIZED. Everybody uses you for their personal benefit. You just lost like half your ability to fight the people you are famous for fighting. Say something please!" And she does not.

4. Tarturu future?

My final note: If Tarturu dies I'll riot. Idk I'm terrible with facial expressions so maybe it wasn't meant to be sinister but her send off at the end of her little quest is making me nervous.

5. Final Thoughts

I absolutely adore FFXIV, and I hope this doesn't make anybody think I don't. Most of it is great. I'm super happy to be working with Cid and his crew for the Crystal Tower because they were by far my favorite part of ARR. I've really been enjoying the 8-mans even though I fucked one up earlier by not looking up the mechanics beforehand (what a way to be introduced to tank busters lol). It's just some of the story stuff that can be a little frustrating. I know that shrugging off your trauma is kind of just the way it goes with MMORPGs but knowing that doesn't make me feel any better y'know?

[eparch]

[fic] it can only remain poisoned

Lucilaeh knows she shouldn't be doing this, knows she's just walking back into the danger.

But the haze calls to her, so she sneaks back into the depths in the dead of night.

***

2.6k words. On AO3.

What Lies Beneath made me completely unhinged.

Notes on AO3:

I should probably have waited for chapter 17 to come before writing this but I seriously needed to get this out of my system and I SWEAR I am Very Normal about MMORPG Guild Wars 2 Expansion End of Dragons Chapter 16 What Lies Beneath Final Instance Deep Trouble oughhhh

This fic has: Gavin from the White Stag personal story NPC, OC-specific Mordremoth-related trauma, and a little bit of my headcanons on thief/specter shadow magic.

Content notes: Canon-typical violence, emotional self-harm, emotional baggage, psychological horror (I..guess? I’m bad w/ genres), hallucinations

***

There's barely a moon in the blackened night sky when she finally sneaks back into the haze after a week of enduring the urge. She's been recovering, letting her brother fuss and worry about her while she figures out what to tell Logan and Rytlock and Aurene regarding this recent adventure, and Lucilaeh knows she shouldn't be doing this, knows she's just walking back into the danger. But she doesn't even know why she wants to go back in, after the terrors that had awaited their team. Would she find the demon again? Or something else? Surely there is something better calling to her, compelling her, like a Wyld Hunt's push and pull.

She's supposed to be waiting for Gorrik to get his experiment together, but things had their way of working out...right?

She doesn't believe that.

Shadow magic comes easier than ever before here, as she ventures further and further into the depths. It hasn't been this easy since Primordus and Jormag, since before it nearly consumed her from within. Lucilaeh pulls at it, lets it enshroud her and take her presence away until she finds herself just walking past everything that would normally attack her. The haze makes the air thick, almost slimy. Even through her jade bot's filter, she can taste something harsher than oil and blood. It makes her want to retch as much as it did when they first came here, but even then, it had been enthralling, both repulsive and pleasing and she knows she can't stay away.

She stops in her tracks when the scent changes and she smells the sweet, clear air of Astorea. Not the same as when she was training freshly awakened Sylvari in the weeks after the engagement party, but older, cleaner, crisp. Like the first time she consciously took a deep breath before setting off on her first Hunt. As the edges of her vision darken just so, Lucilaeh feels once more like---like a---

"Sapling."

He's standing there amidst the cliffs of jade, the same as his last day on Tyria, armored in Nightmare Court livery and wearing that smile that had fooled her heart.

"Gavin," she breathes his name, and it's so foreign on her tongue that she steps back instead.

"Is that any way to greet your oldest friend?" asks the nightmare before her, spreading his arms in welcome. "After all the trouble you went to, to come save me? And such a naughty sapling you are, to sneak out in the dead of night where the menders can't catch you!"

She shouldn't engage. She can't. She has to go back. She's waiting for Gorrik. Her brother would worry. But his words aren't even right. She was never in Astorea long as a sapling. She walked away from that life and her brother as soon as she opened her eyes and felt the weight of the Dream on her shoulders and feet.

"I didn't come here for you," she tells him. "You betrayed me."

"No?" He quirks his brow at her and chuckles. "Why would you come here if not to see old friends again? Tell me, my dear sapling, aren't you here so you can see me outside your head?"

"You're wrong." And it's getting harder to remember why he's wrong. Why did she come here, if not to see him? Wasn't he right about that? But she does know. She does know what's wrong with his words and she's not going to let it go unsaid again. "You were never just an old friend to me."

Gavin pauses as if he'd never considered such a thing, as if he's thinking over her words. Did he know that this was the extent of what she could tell him on the matter? Lucilaeh had mourned him, had cursed him. She had spent long weeks turning over what she could have done instead for him, and that had only been because he had come so early in her life, before everything and everyone else that she would be responsible for and would never have time to mourn. She had decided back then: her love and pain for him could only ever be the same thing from then on.

He breaks the long silence with a sigh, but his smile grows, stretching ear to ear in a way it never did.

"I understand," he says, and gone is the friendly air, gone is the cunning kindness that always lingered in his eyes. "I was never just merely your friend. I am your dearest regret, the first of many you couldn't save. But you don't care about that, Commander."

"No---" She can't manage more than a whisper, not when it feels as if she's got an arrow in her side again.

"You came here because you want to be hurt, Commander." Gavin steps toward her, but her feet are frozen to the ground. He doesn't look like himself anymore. She's not sure in what way. "Deep down you're eager for something to fight. All these years, you've fought for a peace you never knew---and now that you have it, you're looking for a new monster to hunt because you're nothing without one."

"No...no, I---" Her voice cracks against the still air like a thundering Brandstorm, and it's this that startles her to alertness. Gorrik had explained the effects of the haze on her feelings last time, hadn't he, and that was why she isn't supposed to be here. She breathes in deep and lets the sharp scent of the haze startle the rest of her senses in turn. Lucilaeh squares her shoulders and straightens her back and gazes into the false Gavin's dark eyes and she thinks hard about her brother's firm voice as he warned her, after she had won her duel with Gavin their entire lifetime ago, to renounce their mother so that she would never be hurt by the Hunt again. She remembers balling her fists and squaring her shoulders too, back then, and telling him, she would never let the pain stop her from pursuing her purpose.

She has bled a thousand times for Tyria. She has died for her duty. This is no different.

"No, I know nothing but the fight," Lucilaeh tells the darkness around her, "but I also have known love of all kinds from the moment I awoke. That is how I know there is peace in this world, even if I may never have it for myself. And---I also know what I already told you: I know what you're doing."

Gavin's smile twists further, warps further in a way she's not sure her mind is comprehending. Shadows bleed from him, oozing outward and joining the darkness lapping at her vision.

"But Commander, there will still always be monsters of your own making," he says, "and may you always use your bloodshed to grow your garden."

"Stop." Lucilaeh rushes him, dagger out, and to the surprise of some small part of her he does nothing, instead opening his arms to her once more. She feels it when the dagger pushes into him and his arms wrap around her back, embracing her as if mocking her for what she never could have had.

"I will be remembered..." He trails off as he slumps into her arms, but she senses no life leaving him, only that continuous flowing and swarming of shadows.

She stands tall. Still as she can. Long lost feelings wash over her in waves, and she doesn't fight them this time, letting them pass through her. She imagines herself like Aurene for a moment. The Prismatic Commander of Confusing Emotions and Sad Memories.

No, Gavin. I will never join the Nightmare Court.

That's a pity. It grieves me greatly to turn predator into prey, Valiant---

"But you forgot me."

She startles as the corpse slumped against her speaks again, but this time it isn't Gavin's voice.

It's her brother's.

Lucilaeh looks down and finds Benedicuore gazing back up at her, exactly as he looked when she hunted him down in the heart of the Maguuma, features twisted by the dragon's corruption. He sneers as she leaps back, and he rises and rises to full height over her, towering over her in his corrupted body.

"How dare you," she hisses.

"Oh sister," he says, leaning down to look her in the eyes. "I should be the one to ask you that. You left me behind with my copies. Or maybe you did kill me. Do you even know if the one waiting for you on the surface was the real me?"

"He is," she tells him, and suddenly all the bravado she had worked up dissipates. She forged forth without it anyway. "He came back to me. Ben fought off the corruption when he heard my voice---"

"No, you'll never know." He starts to move, and she forces her feet to let her turn, if only to keep her eyes on him as he starts to circle her. "You turned your brother into yet another regret when you chose to save him. In the end, you forgot the real me because it was simply more convenient to let this copy take my place."

It's only when she tries to raise her dagger once more that she realizes she let go of it at some point, her hands shaking as she tries to do---anything at all. It was true. It was true. She hadn't tried with the other copies when they attacked her. She'd killed them because it was easier. Because fighting and killing was always easier. Because despite everything she claimed, she really did know so little of anything else.

"I'm sorry." Those wretched words wrench past her lips before she can stop herself, followed closely by a sob, then another and another until she is simply weeping as she stands there amidst the shadows and the jade. "I'm sorry. I never forgot. But he was the only one who listened...what more could I have done..."

She senses, rather than sees, the darkness enveloping her. It doesn't feel anything like her own shadow magic. It grasps her, swallowing her---

"No! Sister!"

She hears the shout through the haze but does not understand what it means until light floods her vision, chasing away the shadows and when she blinks, Ben is before her, holding up a hard light dome between the two of them and the demon.

"They're over here!" he yells and Lucilaeh coughs and sits up. She gasps for air, realizing all too suddenly she's been on the ground. Ben glances at her over his shoulder. "Stay, stay with me, sister."

"Ben, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she chokes out through damned tears she can't stop. "I left you, I left you behind so many times---I---are you...are you real?"

"A-as real as I've ever been," he answers sharply. Shadows slam against his shield, pushing down toward them both. He was never much of a fighter himself. "This, erm, doesn't seem like the best time for this, but you really, you really ought to know I've never once begrudged you for choosing your duty over me---"

Words she's never dared to dream of hearing, never quite knew she wanted to hear. She clings to them as she crawls to her dagger, laying just a step away from Ben. Lucilaeh musters up her strength despite its constant fleeing from her, and digs deeper into herself as she takes back her dagger and grasps it tight with both hands. It was fool of her not to bring her scepter, so this would have to do.

"W-where are they---I can't...much longer---" Ben hisses as the darkness presses him down to his knees, the shield just barely covering them both now.

The air around them has thickened to the point she can barely breathe, but she breathes, challenging the shadows that dare bear down upon them. The dagger's hilt digs into her palm as she takes a precious moment to concentrate and listen.

The demon isn't allowed to be stealthier than her. She won't allow it. She points the dagger in the direction of the demon, draws in a breath, and starts to siphon the shadows. She hears a growl, but little other noise, just her's and Ben's ragged breathing and the hum of his forge and the dome. But she's hurting the creature, she's sure of that. The shadows envelop her again, this time mingling with her magic and it's more than she's ever tried to draw in before and there's what she guesses must be the foreign magic Gorrik had mentioned, something woven into these shadows that stings and scorches her enough to draw out a cry of pain from her.

"Stay with me...!"

She doesn't hear Ben this time. She's too busy holding onto the shadows she's gathered from the creature and fighting through the pain. She grits her teeth and grips her dagger tighter, tighter, until she feels that pain in her hand instead over the magic, and then---

"Thanks for sharing," she whispers, as she lets the shadow magic wash over her and Ben both. Swiftly, she finds strength coming back to her limbs, hears Ben's breathing even out as well. Slower, she rises to her feet, properly shrouded in darkness, careful to shield Ben without giving him any of the foreign magic.

"It's weakened!" Someone shouts from beyond, followed by a cacophony of gunfire.

All at once, the darkness recedes.

It's not much brighter, with the natural tenebrosity of the cave, but finally her vision clears completely. Somehow, she's managed to wander all the way down to the shore of a jade pool. How had she not noticed the sickly green glow earlier?

Movement catches her eye. The creature is fleeing from them through the cavern ahead, back down to the leyline once more. Ben tugs on her arm.

"We should go," he says.

She nods, holstering her dagger and reaching for his hand. Lucilaeh's entire body aches, but the scar in her side protests the loudest with every movement as they start the trek back up.

"How did you find me?"

"I heard you leaving," answers Ben quietly. "I-I woke up Gorrik, then followed you. It seemed as if you couldn't hear me at all, then you just...disappeared."

"Ah."

They might have talked about something else, perhaps about the words of doubt she had expressed to him, if they did not quickly run into Gorrik with Rama and Yao and Finn in tow: their saviors from above, at the moment she weakened the creature.

Lucilaeh says little as they make the rest of the way up, only half listening to their concerns, both the ones stated out loud and the ones cloaked in ridicule and sarcasm. She knows it should be shame on her sleeve, for sneaking away like this, for endangering them all again, but now that they're leaving the depths once more, she feels only an icy detachment settling over her.

She ignores the whisper as she steps out onto the warming soil of the surface, where pale morning light reaches down past the outpost and the cave entrance toward her, caressing her. She ignores the whisper as she fends off the others' fussing and the commotion across the camp over her and makes a beeline for her tent. She ignores the whisper as she takes off her mask and drops into her bedroll, but she hears it once more just as she plunges into a welcoming blackness: the twisted voice of her brother, as inviting as it's repulsive, as kind as it's cruel, as warped by Mordremoth's touch as it's that of the liberated one carefully laying down next to her, and it's calling to her from somewhere deep within the haze, somewhere she hasn't gone, somewhere she wants to go, and it whispers like a long lost part of herself: I'll be here where you left me when you need to poison yourself once more.