#mml principal milder

[thewheelhouse99]

Something feels so nice to think that Elizabeth had been married to Savannah for as long as she was a principal, and sometimes she would join her wife on time missions because it's rare that she gets to test her combat skills.

Yeah, that's my head canon.

Also Elizabeth likes to workout with Brigette which is where she ended up in her circle of parent friends. Savannah's connection to the Murphys eventually lead to Cavendish and Dakota getting closer to Brigette and Martin and while Dakota has respect Savannah, and a long since ended phase where he fancied her, he recognised that Savannah and Brick's arrogance meant that she doesn't quite see eye to eye with Elizabeth's friends out of work.

And that Brick still finds a way to get left behind by Brigette and friends.

[dwampyversegifs]

[incorrectmilomurphyslawquotes]

Just realizing the literal affair between Coach Mitchell and principal milder

" I'm going to have to explain pep to that man."

....I dont know how to feel about that

"I dont remember those in Seattle."

[sams-dwampy-hut]

An AU where...

Milo Murphy’s Law is instead called “Coach”. The show revolves around Coach Mitchell, who replaces Milo, trying to find stuff to do besides stand in his office staring into space. Mr. Drako replaces Zack, Ms. Murawski replaces Melissa, and Principal Milder replaces Amanda.

[mmlgifs]

[mysteriesofmilo]

Milo Murphy's Madness, Thrilling 32!!!

Well folks, we've come to the start of another round of MML character voting. This time only 32 of the original 68 characters are left standing! Here are the results:

Mr. Drako beat Brick 22-4 (84.6%)

Milo Murphy defeated Coach Cobra Big Bowlin' Nolan Mitchell 24-4 (85.7%)

In the closest matchup this round, Derek defeated Loab 13-12 (52%)

Diogee Ex Machina Murphy defeated Recurring Raccoon 21-7 (75%)

In the most lopsided matchup this round, Vinnie Dakota nearly shut out King Pistachion 27-1 (96.4%)

Fuller and Hastings beat out Mrs. White 18-7 (72%)

Balthazar Cavendish defeated Nate Murphy 24-4 (85.7%)

Trucker Ted edged out Savannah 15-12 (55.6%)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz beat Orgaluth 17-11 (60.7%)

Orton Mahlson beat Ms. Baxter 21-3 (87.5%)

Principal Milder barely beat Grandma Murphy 15-12 (55.6%)

Mr. Blunt(k) defeated Victor Verliezer 17-9 (65.4%)

Amanda Lopez beat C.I.D.D. 24-3 (88.9%)

Scott the Undergrounder beat Marcus Underwood 20-8 (71.4%)

Dr. Eileen Underwood beat future Mr. Block 15-12 (55.6%)

Joey and Laura Murphy beat the Krill Hunter director 17-9 (65.4%)

Martin Murphy beat Fred the janitor 21-6 (77.8%)

Sara Murphy defeated Neal from the comic shop 23-3 (88.5%)

Mrs. Murawski beat Joni 17-8 (68%)

Mort Schaeffer beat Charlene and Sharon Brulee 19-6 (76%)

Perry the Platypus defeated Bob Block 22-6 (78.6%)

Chad Van Coff beat the Octalian commander 20-6 (76.9%)

Mildred beat Basil Bravo 18-6 (75%)

Zack Underwood beat Grandpa Murphy 25-3 (89.3%)

Bradley Nicholson surprised me and beat the abomination known as Cavenpuss 15-10 (60%)

Elliot Decker defeated Jackie 21-4 (84%)

Tobias Trollhammer defeated Mr. Brulee 16-9 (64%)

Veronica beat the cyborg bear 19-8 (70.4%)

Lydia beat the mayor 20-6 (76.9%)

Javier the dude ranch operator beat Mrs Brulee 19-6 (76%)

In the other narrowest victory of this round, the Lumbermaxes barely slipped past Richard Chase 14-13 (51.9%)

And in the other most lopsided matchup of this round, Melissa Chase almost shut out Colonel Niblet and Lieutenant Tennant 27-1 (96.4%)

Now for round 3:

Mr. Kyle Drako vs Milo Murphy

Derek the pistachion vs Diogee Ex Machina Murphy

Vinnie Dakota vs Fuller and Hastings

Balthazar Cavendish vs Trucker Ted

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz vs Orton Mahlson

Principal Elizabeth Milder vs Mr. Blunt(k)

Amanda Lopez vs Scott the Undergrounder

Dr. Eileen Underwood vs Joey and Laura Murphy

Martin Murphy vs Sara Murphy

Mrs. Murawski vs Mort Schaeffer

Perry the Platypus vs Chad Van Coff

Mildred vs Zack Underwood

Bradley Nicholson vs Elliot Decker

Tobias Trollhammer vs Veronica

Lydia vs Javier the dude ranch operator

And the Lumbermaxes vs Melissa Chase

Vote here: https://forms.gle/7qCo1T9cMqD89oyc7

View the bracket here: https://challonge.com/d4ckw1rn

And view the wiki here: https://milomurphyslaw.fandom.com/wiki/Category:Characters

I've decided to end this round on... Good Friday, April 2nd around 3pm CDT.

[themurphyzone]

MML Teacher Appreciation Post

Let's give a round of applause to the teachers of MML! The school may be underfunded, but they make do with what they have. While the students may find their quirks weird or creepy, you can tell this will be the sort of thing they'll look back on and laugh. Drako, ambiguous vampireness aside, is a pretty decent guy. He volunteers at clothing drives on weekends, and he was the only teacher to keep a somewhat level head when the yacht ran aground. He also gets huge points for being nice to Milo and his friends. Okay, nobody knows what's up with Murawski and her desk. Furthermore, she can keep an egg inside her bun without cracking it. Cool ability I guess. And let's give Principal Milder props for effortlessly kicking Mitchell's ass when they were stranded.

[rubiki5301]

MML New Year

Dec 26th, 2017 ~ Going The Extra Milo

For @milomurphysblawg 's MML New Year event, the first day, I present you a fic about Zack's first day in his new school.

~~~~~

"Oh, look! A Vitamin C tablet." ~ Milo said enthusiasticly as he grabbed the tablet. Melissa and Zack looked at him in confusion. "What? It's cold and flu season." ~ He continued as he ate the tablet.

♪It's my world and we're all living in it♪

♪Outro Music Plays♪

♪Record Breaks♪

Me: I am not done yet! Now where was I...? Oh yeah...

Zack looked at the amount of the meal, stacking up on his desk like a buffet. He looked back at Melissa, examining her finger nails. "Hey, you're Melissa, right?" ~ He asked. She turned her head at the new kid. "Yup, that's me." ~ She responded back. "I'm Zack, Zack Underwood." ~ Zack extended his hand as he introduced himself. "Melissa Chase. Nice to meet you Zack." ~ Melissa gladly accepted his handshake.

"Serious, how can you persuade the other kids to give you all these foods? I mean look at all this! There's no way that you, me, and Milo can finish all of this today." ~ Zack

"Oh, we're having a little bet. And it looks like... I win!" ~ Melissa

"Yeah, a 'little' bet." ~ Zack replied giving air quotes on the word "little". Melissa just shrugged as she turned her back on him.

~~~~

Science class is finally here, and lucky to Zack that he finally knew some more kids, whose are Bradley and Amanda. To him, Amanda is quite a nice girl, although with her obsessive managing behaviour, and Bradley is... not quite friendly as his other friends. Their science teacher, Mrs, Murawski, finally get into the class. As she entered the class, she straightly went to her desk. She then pat and hugged her desk. Zack was about to raise his hand for interruption when Melissa stops him. "Don't start it!" ~ She sternly said. "Why?" ~ He asked with confusion. "Just don't!" ~ She said ending her argument with him.

~~~~

Lunch time arrives, and Zack got to know more and more kids. He befriends with Mort as he knew that he is on the same football team with him. And he also got to know Chad, the guy which oftenly goes along with Mort, which Zack considered a bit paranoid. "Just shrug it off. Chad is always like that." ~ Melissa said as they're to the cafetaria.

Just then, they heard loud crashes from behind them followed with the appearance of their favourite sweater vest boy. "Oh hey, Milo. Where've you been?" ~ Melissa asked trying to act cool about it. "Oh just a few incidents with the water fountains, and then a flock of quails created a great mess in the hallway. No big deal, they're outside now." ~ Milo said, removing some quail feathers from his shoulder.

"Oh yeah, does that thing happen here everyday? With Milo around?" ~ Zack

"Well... not really. Some days it was even worse, and sometimes it was calmer." ~ Melissa

"That's the thing about Murphy's law; it's unpredictable." ~ Milo added. Zack just shrugged it off.

They finally made it to the cafetaria, with the lunch (surprisingly) safe and sound. "Well now at least we can have our lunch, and no Murphy's law that can ruin this moment." ~ Zack said as he took a seat. As he grab a hold on a sandwich, in which Melissa just "won", a loud crash heard which startled everyone in the cafetaria as a hole formed at one side of the cafetaria, and the hound of wolves that chased them earlier approach like mad. Zack shrieked in fear and climbed up the table. Just in time, Diogee showed up from under their table, and fear the wolves away. "Diogee!" ~ Zack cheered happily. "Diogee, what are you doing under there?" ~ Milo asked and got a bark as a reply. "Well... then. Here you go, now go home!" ~ He ordered his dog after he gave him a snack. "See? Unpredictable." ~ Milo said, in which Melissa just shrugged it off.

The day kept going on, Murphy's law kept happening, but only some minor incidents, water fountain broke, flew away papers, stuffs like that. Zack finally got to meet Principal Milder, who question on how he and Milo ended up as friends, in which Milo tried to explain shortly, but ended up as an hour explanation. He also met Mr. Drako, in which Chad convinced him that he's a vampire, but Zack didn't believe it just that, although he sort of felt scared when he heard the word "vampire".

~~~~

The last bell rings; means that school's finally over. Milo, Zack, and Melissa then rushed to the bus stop, avoiding anymore Murphy's law on the way. Zack still didn't get on Milo's lack of friends, because he's a very nice and optimistic boy, aside from his extreme bad luck. He didn't know why, but he kinda going to miss Milo when he got home. He couldn't wait for what adventures wait for him, Milo, and Melissa to face tomorrow. He knew that today is not his last adventure with the boy, there are still more to come. But for now, after what he had faced today, he decided to call this a day.

Me: Now you can turn on the outro music.

♪It's my world, and we're all living in it♪

[cartoonfandomhell]

So, we may be all a bit in denial about it; But somehow MML's quality dropped 400% with the new episodes?

And this is one of the most baffled and disappointed I have ever been in entire my life? I still can’t believe it?

And let me explain just some of the things I’m so puzzled about and let down by:

- The pacing was incredibly off most of the time. With way too much filler, awkward, unfunny joke attemps, and dragged out scenes that shouldn't have made it past the storyboarding.

- The animation quality is plain shameful. I mean, some 90's CGI looked better than what they did. And what's with all the off putting facial expressions? It could almost make Rapsitte Street Kids' CGI blush. And the lipsyncing was so poor at times that characters could say lines without opening their mouth. Or say nothing and they were just opening and closing their mouth for a moment.

I understand that animators need to get used to the characters they bring to life first. But the CGI just doesn't have any excuse beyond someone being a massive cheapskate there.

- The voice acting was really off at times. Most notably Melissa's. As were the sound effects. Sometimes they didn't make sense, or were terribly out of tune with what's going on on the screen. They were recycling way too much as well.

And the minor, and even some of the major songs, were plain awful.

And I get that song writing can be difficult. But not only has it been amazingly done before in Phineas and Ferb, but also in the show itself.

And if a song just doens't work for the final product; Don't put a song in it.

Sure, we all love a good song. But I can assure everyone that all viewers would choose good story telling over a cringey, lazily inserted song anytime.

- The writing was simply horrid.

The morals were there, and they were good ones too. But they were executed so poorly you could hardly take them seriously. There where many continuity/general errors too. Why would Zack's father not believe in Murphy's Law when Dr. Underwood clearly knows about it? Why the heck would they watch one of their teachers getting an MRI? Why did Martin's skin tone go back to pale in Time Out? And so on... And some plot point where just unneccessarily stupid. I mean, it'd be a much better explaination for the school to be out of money because of constant repairs. Buying a yacht just doesn't make sense on any level. And Melissa could be scared of rollercoaster simply because it's a normal fear some people have. Or because she knows how Murphy's law affects things and find the thought of being in such a needlessly dangerous situation unappealing and frightening. Also, adressing your own plot's flaws doesn't make the problem go away. If it doesn't work as an actually funny joke, it will just make the team behind the show ignorant, and at times even disrespectful, for not fixing the problem despite letting us know us that they were perfectly aware of it.

- The story telling was lazy as all heck. To the point that, while you're watching it you can come of with dozens of better ideas that would make each scene and the plot as a whole a million times more appealing than what they put together.

Melissa lost her Math book in school? Sound simple; But Wait! What if she, Milo and Zack get locked in over night at the school and have fun, make themselves a little camp there and explore despite initially trying to get out?

Milo's backpack isn't his own? Shocker! I think that caught us all off guard. But while we were preparing for an awesome backstory that would justify such an otherwise uneccessary show detail, we got basically "well his babysitter had a backpack with caution stripes, for unexplained reasons, and it just somehow magically just had all the perfect things for every situation it it" making Milo's thoughts that go into packing it completely pointless.

Where did that get us? Nowhere is where. It just weakened Milo's character in attempt to strengthen another character that is too underdeveloped for us to really care about.

Cavendish and Dakota are unappreciated in their job? What a surprising turn of events. But where do we go from there now? It's still the first half of the first season. And especially casual viewers were hardly indulged in the characters unknown stories. It wouldn't have harmed the show in the slightest to build up tension and keep the mysterious attitude towards the pistachio guardians. In fact, it would have helped feeling incredibly sorry for them once we do find out who they are, and once they find out themselves that their story has a tragic twist. Which we should have found out much later. Given that we still don't know anything about them personally, or about their mysterious world that is the future. They should have stayed blind to how unappreciated they were much longer, to the point where the viewers would have questioned their importance either before them, or with them. Now they are just stupid characters for the sake of being stupid characters, and there is nowhere up to go for them. Their boss in an unprofessional, mocking jerk. If he didn't care about them from the beginning, he surely won't care about them in the future. So now what?

Going to the Zoo? Wow, great a class trip! Literally anything about that would be interesting with Milo around. Just let things unravel. Show how animals react to Murphy's Law. Let Bradley comment on the animals safety to make the gang think. There's no need for a clichéd momento retrieval plot. And even if you're going for that. Give it more reason. Let characters show emotions. There are such things as guilt or fear of making your mother sad. What did we even learn from that hollow cookie cut-out plot?

The show is different because of it's daring premise. You can't tell the same old stories without giving them a unique spin. And it shouldn't be that hard either, considering you have Murphy's Law and a family constantly affected and adapted to it. It's interesting people. Make something of it.

- The characters were dummed down, out of character, and generally behaving contrived as all heck.

Zack is new to Murphy's Law. And he's scared of it too. But he tries to get used to it to stay friends with Milo and to bring a bit more life into his otherwise dull, ordinary life. Now he's just as calm as Melissa? Or should I say just as scared as Melissa? Whatever happened to her being used to Murphy's Law and being kind of dry humored and apathetic because of it? Or at least, what happened to that being -her- trait? Now Zack and her are basically on the same level and just blend together as "Milo's friends". And they aren't good at that either. Both were supportive sometimes, and other times Melissa was unexplicitly selfish, and Zack was all over the place, being completely mean spirited and ignorant at times for no reason.

Amanda's change of heart was complete bullsh*t given that she didn't even fully forgive or accept Milo around her after he did everything in his power to keep her precious opera going and saving her scheduled enjoyment hours.

Diogee caused problems just because. To points where you really can't blame it on him being just a dog anymore.

Whatever happened to Mort's esoteric interests? They only made one reference to it or so. Which is a bummer considering that it’s a unique character trait and makes for excellent humor.

What about Bradly? I thought he was some sort of low-key antagonist? He hardly did anything at all in any episode. And he never once complained about anything involving Milo.

Here’s a tip: Bradly is perfect for giving Milo something to think about. Use that.

What was up with Principal Milder? I don't know if you can even call that a character what she displayed in "The Math Book". There was no need to make her this weird, cryptic a**hole. It's perfectly sufficient to have her worried about losing her last key. Making her not wanting to give it to Milo and the gang. And it could have played out wonderfully if Murphy's law wasn't the actual culprit for losing it in the end but instead Melissa's forgetfulness.

Why did they abandon Elliot? He's a useful character. He can make useful plot points happen. Degrading him to mutant fodder is not doing him justice.

And please don't make Sara randomly sexist for no reason whatsoever. She hardly knows Zack, and why would she ever be mean to Milo and accuse him of not talking about feelings? It's pretty much impossible not to have any kind of conversation about feelings with a condition that constantly messes with you and all those close by. And he's a fanboy for goodness sake! Are you telling me that he never has any feels about an episode that he shares? Especially when they are both huge fans, and that its a show based on the tearjerker that is Doctor Who?

And the new characters like Milo's babysitter were looked into so little, and so poorly that it's hard to care for them at all.

I mean, it would have been so easy. An episode or at least a flashback to when Milo was a baby/toddler would have made that episode amazing without having to do much more. They could have completely sticked to the routine of things going wrong and Milo and Veronica dealing with it. Bonding and/or overcomming obstacles that made her, or even him, realize something important.

Instead we had to make time for two bizarre robot Melissa daymares, "Badgering", and a beyond forgettable Ye Olde Pizza advertisement song.

- Murphy's Law was handled really out of character as well. Milo wouldn't even go to simple football games to spare other people from his condition. And it took encouragement, the wish to support his new friend at his first game as part of the team, and the reasurance of a sure-to-fail-anyway game to get him to go to one. Now he goes to an amusement park just like that? And neither he nor anyone else has anything to say about it? And he even goes on a rollercoaster? With his friend that is terrified of rollercoaster accidents? Before, Milo and Melissa wouldn't even go Bowling anymore because of the dangerously heavy Bowling balls. Milo used to not even have his Birthday celebrated. Heck, he isn't even allowed to tap his feet.

You can't show Melissa and Zack being afraid of Milo cooking, but not afraid at all when going to an amusement park. Or say no word when going to the a school dance.

It's open whether it ends up being positive or negative talk. They could say that maybe he should think about something twice, or do it anyway to live a little now and then. But you have to adress the topic.

There is a difference between optimism and ignarance towards problems. Milo is an optimist. In the end that's what the show is all about. And that's a good thing. It makes us look up to him. Admiring his strength, and learning valuable lessons. Don't throw away such a gift. You’re viewers deserve nice things.

- The only thing that stayed the same, was that Milo still had all sorts of funny, interesting and unexpected utensils in his backpack. And they where pretty much the best thing about the new episodes. But by far not enought to save them.

I may be bitter over here. But only because I take the subject to heart. Milo Murphy's Law is a show that inevitably makes you think. And that is beautiful. We don't have that many other shows where you can't help but do that. It tackled the topic disability realistically. Characters defied stereotypes. (Milo isn't miserable, nor is he generally disliked by most. Mort isn't a bully despite his physic. Sara still grew up to be a nerdy teeneager who is typing away on her phone all day.) And despite tough issues the characters have to face, it was still funny.

And MML's premise is utmost genius.

Even the smallest and most mundane everyday things could become an adventure. So many things could have unexpected turns and sides to them that no one would usually consider. They could make the most abstract of situations happen. Leading to countless, unique, memorable moments, unimaginable amounts of joke and reference material, tons of character development, and resolutions that wouldn't have stopped tugging at our every heartstring.

But instead we got 10 episodes with typical early first season flaws but great potential to build upon, and 10 episodes (so far) of bizarre, atrocious sh*t.

(Though I guess it's worth noting that, except for the animation, Family vacation wasn't really bad until the end of the song in the first few minutes.)

It's almost exactly as it was with Dude, That's My Ghost!, where the premise was intriguing and had tons of potential in all directions. But it was written, animated and executed so poorly that it was unbearable to watch the vast majority of the time.

We're talking Spongebob season 4+ and Powerpuff Girls 2016 kind of bad. And I'm still completely and utterly perplext as to how they managed to mess up so badly.

Phineas and Ferb was amazing. The crew brilliant. The show had something for everyone. And only it's formulaic structure made it age so unfortunately in the later seasons. But even despite that, the show was never truly bad at any point, and can easily be forgiven.

Milo Murphy's Law doesn't have any excusable reason whatsoever to be that bad at such an early stage.

The team threw away their dignity, and their respect for themselves and their viewers, and I just can't figure out why.

They didn't the first episodes.

What happened?

[spc-rambles]

Adding onto this because I don't think I elaborated enough. Elizabeth and Savannah would've been married since their twenties. Elizabeth at age 29.

To this day, no one at Jefferson County knows about Elizabeth's double life, not even her fellow teachers. They don't even know of her wife.

And that Lyla would've been their daughter.

Something feels so nice to think that Elizabeth had been married to Savannah for as long as she was a principal, and sometimes she would join her wife on time missions because it's rare that she gets to test her combat skills.

Yeah, that's my head canon.

Also Elizabeth likes to workout with Brigette which is where she ended up in her circle of parent friends. Savannah's connection to the Murphys eventually lead to Cavendish and Dakota getting closer to Brigette and Martin and while Dakota has respect Savannah, and a long since ended phase where he fancied her, he recognised that Savannah and Brick's arrogance meant that she doesn't quite see eye to eye with Elizabeth's friends out of work.

And that Brick still finds a way to get left behind by Brigette and friends.

[incorrectmilomurphyslawquotes]

Principal Milder: Did one of you set the building on fire? and by that I mean Milo?

Milo: Yes. I did!

Principal Milder: Why?!

Milo: I was cold.

[sams-dwampy-hut]

An AU where...

Principal Milder always wears tap shoes. However, she is constantly tripping in them, even when Milo isn’t around.

[mmlgifs]

[snekatiemmlpnf]

MML Teacher Appreciation!!

Let's start with the true icon and love of my life Kyle Drako. He's a little weird but who in Danville isn't a little weird? He's friendly and enthusiastic and he's super nice to the kids. His vibes are wonderful. Just a great guy all around. I live him deeply.

Coach Mitchell is one of the funniest characters in this show. Every line of his is absolutely iconic. He's incredible in Speech and Debate, in Rooting for the Enemy, in Some Like it Yacht. Really just so fucking funny.

Principal Milder is a middle school principal. She has to put up with SO much, she's just cool. She also has a lot of funny and iconic moments- The Math Book is a fantastic example for that.

Okay so we don't see nearly enough of her, but Ms. White seems so sweet like omg. She's so enthusiastic when teaching and just seems like a great fun person to be around.

Ms. Murawski deserves more appreciation she's a wild character but she's nice and also shes a great teacher. It really shows in Sunny Side Up. I also love her in Some Like it Yacht and in Speech and Debate.

I adore Fred the janitor deeply he's really just vibing, isn't he? Living his best life leading people on quests throughout the school. He's such a chill and friendly guy, too!

[themurphyzone]

Oneshot: Kremheit

Written for @milomurphysblawg‘s MML New Year! Decided to focus on the teachers for this one, because I think I’ve done plenty of Carla and Bradley already XD. 

If you ever plan to be a public school administrator, please do not allow any middle school teachers or principals to be unsupervised on uncharted islands. 

The staff had gone off the deep end. Again. Like the Teacher’s Convention in Seattle, there was no discernible cause for the sudden psychological shift to primitive human beings. Some blamed the water, others blamed the ham-and-pineapple pizza they served for lunch that fateful day.  

It was truly one of the most baffling mysteries of the 21st century. 

Then Milder came across a clearing, where everyone else was applying streaks of mud to their faces. 

“Playtime’s over. You can LARP off the clock,” she quickly said, grabbing Murawski and trying to drag her in the direction of the yacht. 

Murawski hissed...literally hissed. Murawski quickly let go of her arm. 

“We are put on this earth to do the bidding of the almighty Kremheit,” she said in a mystifying voice. 

“Kremheit! Kremheit!” the others chanted. 

“I am the vessel of Kremheit!” Mitchell proclaimed, raising a scepter. “You must do as I command, or be tossed into my sacred volcano where I shall feast upon your intestines!” 

Milder glared at him, marching up the throne to stare him down. “No, Mitchell. You are the farmer’s son. I was proclaimed the vessel of Kremheit. Do you not recall the sacred rites I underwent at the Teacher’s Convention last year?” 

“He is not the sacred vessel of Kremheit!” Mrs. White declared. “He is a false prophet sent by Grugall the Malevolent to trick us! But we shall not be deceived! Down with the false prophet!” 

“Down! Down! Down!” 

“You may have the victory today, but I’ll be back. Oh, I’ll be back,” Mitchell’s eyes narrowed dangerously, as he slowly stepped down and backed out of the clearing without taking his eyes off Milder. 

Milder raised the scepter that lay next to her rightful throne. “This scepter is the proof that I am both the vessel and ruler of the Kremheitens!” she announced. “Bow before my might, O subjects!” 

Her subjects bowed. Milder took her seat, pleased that she had such loyal and faithful followers. 

“Your ruler wishes to be brought tribute,” she commanded. “Preferably food. Yes, food is an acceptable offering.” 

They practically tripped over themselves in their mad scramble into the jungle. Milder kicked back on her throne. 

Her name didn’t exactly reflect a simple life of commanding primitive minds and hosting a god, did it? 

From this day forward, she would be now be known as the great Milwa, vessel of Kremheit. 

“The time has come for you to present...your tribute!” Milwa beckoned Murawski to her, who carried a giant leaf above her head. 

“O Great Milwa, I bring you tribute!” Murawski set the leaf on the ground, revealing a lizard, a twig, and a tiny sprout. 

Seriously, what the heck was that? What part of ‘food is an acceptable offering’ did her followers not understand? 

“Your tribute pleases me not,” Milwa sneered. “The rest will bring tribute!” 

Before anyone else could come forth with meager offerings, Mitchell suddenly jumped out of the bush wearing a giant turtle shell. “No! I invoke the rite of Kremheit!” 

Nobody challenged her authority and got away with it. 

“You challenge me?” Milwa snarled, standing up. She tore off her sleeves effortlessly, revealing the streaks of mud running up her arms like tattoos. “BRING IT ON, MITCHELL!” 

The chants of Kremheit faded into the background. The only thing that mattered was asserting her dominance over these lowly commoners.  

“Quite a lovely picture of you and Mitchell!” Drako exclaimed. “I don’t believe I’ve ever known someone to be as clingy as my ex-wife though!” 

Milder buried her head in her arms, pushing the horrible yearbook away. The photo had mocked her from every angle ever since it came out. 

Next year in the student handbook, she was putting in a stipulation that Melissa Chase was not allowed to invoke freedom of the press for yearbook pictures.