#mmahumor

[lighthousenewsnetwork]

In a stunning display of athletic commitment that would make a porcelain doll wince, UFC fighter Arman "The Armenian Assassin" Tsarukyan has withdrawn from his highly anticipated bout at UFC 311 due to a gasp injury. Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently, the man known for his relentless grappling and bone-crushing takedowns has succumbed to the age-old foe of athletes everywhere: something vaguely muscle-related. The news sent a ripple of confusion through the MMA world, a tremor so slight it barely registered on the Richter scale of Dana White meltdowns. After all, who could have predicted such a development? Here was a fighter, a man seemingly forged from equal parts granite and fight milk, brought low by something as pedestrian as a pulled hamstring (or, as some reports speculate, a particularly aggressive game of patty-cake gone wrong). Theories about Tsarukyan's untimely demise have run rampant across the MMA internet, a breeding ground for speculation wilder than a drunken Brock Lesnar interview. Some posit a nefarious plot involving a rogue kettlebell and a misplaced yoga mat, a tale so outlandish it could only be dreamt up by a fight fan hopped up on pre-workout and conspiracy theories. Others, ever the cynics, believe this is all a cunning ploy by Tsarukyan to avoid facing the fearsome "Tea Tree" Joel Alvarez. Let's be honest, who wouldn't want to slink away from the prospect of getting elbowed in the face by a man with a nickname that fragrant? However, the most heartbreaking theory comes from the depths of the armchair psychologist wing of MMA Twitter. They believe Tsarukyan has been struck down by a debilitating case of "papercut anxiety." Apparently, the mere act of reviewing Alvarez's fight footage caused such a crippling fear of getting sliced open by his razor-sharp elbows that Tsarukyan's body simply shut down in protest. Whatever the true cause, Tsarukyan's withdrawal leaves UFC 311 in a state of delightful disarray. Dana White, ever the picture of composure (unless you count the slightly twitchy eye and the vein pulsing in his forehead), has assured fight fans that a "suitable replacement" is being sought. This, of course, translates to a frantic scramble behind the scenes, likely involving a series of panicked phone calls to retired lightweights and anyone with a winning record within a 500-mile radius. Here are some potential replacements, ranked by their likelihood of causing Dana White to spontaneously combust: Tito Ortiz: Because nothing says "last-minute excitement" quite like a fighter who hasn't won a fight in 15 years. CM Punk: Because if there's one thing the UFC needs right now, it's another athlete with a checkered past and a complete lack of recent octagon experience. Brock Lesnar: Because who wouldn't pay to see a completely out-of-shape Brock Lesnar gas out after three minutes and blame USADA for his shortcomings? The Rock: Because why not? At this point, the UFC might as well just start booking matches between celebrities and see what sells more pay-per-views. In the end, whoever replaces Tsarukyan is sure to be a gamble. But hey, that's the beauty of MMA, isn't it? The constant uncertainty, the potential for chaos, the ever-present possibility that the main event will be derailed by a rogue banana peel. So, we offer our sincerest condolences to Tsarukyan for his unfortunate injury (or elaborate ruse, depending on your preferred conspiracy theory). And to the fans? Buckle up, folks. This is sure to be a wild ride. Just remember, in the unpredictable world of MMA, the only constant is change. Unless, of course, you're a fighter who consistently pulls out of fights due to mysterious ailments. Then, you're just...well, you're Arman Tsarukyan. https://lighthousenewsnetwork.com/tsarukyans-back-more-like-tsarukyans-back-out/?feed_id=13176&_unique_id=678ae170ebce4

[hardcoremma-blog]

Mike Bisping came up with a phantom knee injury this morning, and says he won't be able to fight Yoel Romero anytime in the near future. Because of this injury, Bisping says his return schedule will allow him to fight GSP since he will be healed around the time GSP is ready to return. Do you believe his excuse, or is Bisping BSing us and ducking Romero? @mikebisping . . #mikebisping #yoelromero #gsp #georgesstpierre #michaelbisping #ufc #ufc212 #ufc213 #conormcgregor #mma #ufcmemes #mmamemes #funnymma #hardcoremma #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #martialarts #wrestling #jiujitsu #karate #ufchumor #mmahumor #danawhite #joerogan (at London, United Kingdom)

[ufcinformationcenter-blog]

ufc

Run bitch ruuuuun !!! #ufc #jonjones #mmahumor #ufchumor #rondarousey #mmacomedy #ufccomedy #danawhite #tyronewoodley #ufcchamp #mmamemes #ufcmemes #bellator #ufcjoke #mmajoke #pridefc #rizin #onefc #chuckliddell #vitorbelfort #conormcgregor #gsp #georgestpierre

Source: ufc

[hardcoremma-blog]

Tyron Woodley sporting his new shirt after he and Dana have squashed their beef. New reports have it that everything is cool between Tyron and Dana now after Tyron threatened to leak some secrets to the media if Dana didn't calm down. . . Who wore it better; Tyron or Tito?? 😂😂 . . #tyronwoodley #danawhite #gsp #georgesstpierre #michaelbisping #ufc #ufconfox #ufc214 #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #wrestling #jiujitsu #titoortiz #mmahumor #mmamemes #funnymma

[hardcoremma-blog]

In honor of @menace155 fighting this weekend, here is a throwback to when Nate Diaz clowned him back in December 2015. Nate landed those sweet 1-2s, then laughed in Johnson's face. Hope Gaethje gets the W this weekend after all the bull shit Johnson talked about killing Gaethje in the cage, and saying derogatory things about his family. Michael Johnson is far from a class act. . . #michaeljohnson #justingaethje #natediaz #nickdiaz #diazbrothers #diaz209 #ufc #ufconfox #ufc213 #tuf25 #tuf25finale #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #wrestling #jiujitsu #karate #martialarts #funnymma #mmahumor #ufchumor #ufcmemes #mmamemes (at T-Mobile Arena)

[hardcoremma-blog]

Conor McGregor isn't impressed with the Aldo/Holloway fight at UFC 212 this weekend. Who you got?? . . #conormcgregor #mcgregor #themaclife #dublinking #maxholloway #josealdo #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #wrestling #jiujitsu #mmamemes #mmahumor #ufcmemes #ufchumor #hardcoremma #mcgregorvsmayweather #mcgregorvsferguson #ufc212 #ufc #ufcbrazil

[hardcoremma-blog]

Anyone catch that clinic Rory MacDonald put on Paul Daley over the weekend at Bellator London? Leading up to the fight, Paul Daley said that Rory MacDonald was no longer a fighter, and that he quit during his fight against Robbie Lawler. Rory finished this fight via 2nd round rear naked choke, causing Daley to tap out. Bellator announced that Rory will face the winner of Douglas Lima vs Lorenz Larkin for the 170lb title next. . . #rorymacdonald #pauldaley #bellator #bellatormma #bellatorlondon #ufc212 #ufc #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #wrestling #jiujitsu #mmamemes #mmahumor #funnymma #ufcmemes #tristargym #hardcoremma (at London, United Kingdom)

[hardcoremma-blog]

#SatireAlert BREAKING NEWS: UFC Nashville card has been updated to reflect a skill matchup that makes more sense. Artem Lobov will now be taking on Denis Siver in the main event. Conor has changed both of their bum lives! . . #artemlobov #denissiver #conormcgregor #cubswanson #mcgregor #danawhite #joerogan #ufc #ufcnashville #ufc211 #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #jiujitsu #wrestling #ufcmemes #mmamemes #funnymma #mmahumor #ufchumor #hardcoremma #ufceurope #sbgireland #mmanews #johnkavanagh (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[hardcoremma-blog]

Demetrius Johnson looks to make his 10th consecutive title defense this weekend at UFC Kansas City. If Mighty Mouse wins, he will tie Anderson Silva's record as the most consecutive title defenses in UFC history. . . Unfortunately for Mighty Mouse, the Flyweight division gets zero credit from the UFC or MMA fans in general. If Mighty Mouse fought in a heavier weight class, he would be considered one of the GOATs of MMA. UFC will never feature him on a PPV because of this, so you can catch him tomorrow night live on FOX. Who you got?? . . #demetriousjohnson #mightymouse #andersonsilva #ufc #ufckansascity #mma #martialarts #muaythai #boxing #kickboxing #wrestling #jiujtsu #ufcmemes #mmamemes #ufchumor #mmahumor #funnymma #ufctrashtalk #hardcoremma #ufconfox

[hardcoremma-blog]

A little MMA humor for you all! Rener Gracie provides a Gracie Breakdown on how to defend yourself on a United Airlines flight! Must listen to the audio! @renergracie @graciejiujitsuacademy @ryrongracie . . #graciebreakdown #graciejiujitsu #brazilianjiujitsu #jiujitsu #wrestling #grappling #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #ufc #ufcmemes #mmamemes #mmahumor #ufchumor #funnymma #ufckansascity #bjj #unitedairlines #united #selfdefense #daviddao #hardcoremma (at United Airlines O'Hare)

[hardcoremma-blog]

It's UFC 210 fight week! Hoping DC makes it to Saturday! Should be a war between him and Rumble. Who you got?? . . #ufc210 #ufc #ufcfightweek #ufc211 #danielcormier #anthonyjohnson #anthonyrumblejohnson #cainvelasquez #lukerockhold #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #wrestling #jiujitu #ufchumor #mmahumor #funnymma #ufcmemes #mmamemes #memes #bellator #hardcoremma

[hardcoremma-blog]

The Bellator NYC press conference is live! Chael Sonnen is already going off and getting into Wanderlei's head! Who you got in this one?? Much more shit talking from Sonnen to come! . . #chaelsonnen #wanderleisilva #mrsonnen #bellator #bellatormma #bellator180 #bellatornyc #ufc #ufc210 #ufc211 #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #wrestling #jiujitsu #sambo #karate #hardcoremma #fightpeomotion #mmapromotion #funnymma #mmamemes #ufcmemes #mmahumor #hardcoremma

[hardcoremma-blog]

Dana White and the UFC just said they will demand 50% of Conor's fight purse if he boxes Mayweather. Do you think Conor will cave in, or will he keep his earnings? Hopefully he can be protected by the Ali Act! . . #conormcgregor #mcgregor #kingmcgregor #danawhite #ufc #ufc211 #ufc210 #ufc212 #floydmayweather #mayweathervsmcgregor #mayweathermcgregor #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #wrestling #jiujitsu #brazilianjiujitsu #irishboxing #ireland #irishmma #ufcmemes #mmamemes #ufchumor #mmahumor #hardcoremma #mayweatherpromotions #tmt #themoneyteam (at Dublin, Ireland)

[hardcoremma-blog]

What went through Vitor Belfort's head when Dana asked him if he'd fight in the main event at UFC Fortaleza this weekend. Wasn't a hard decision for him to make! #ufc #ufcfortaleza #ufcbrazil #brazilianmma #brazil #fortaleza #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #jiujitsu #brazilianjiujitsu #wrestling #sambo #trt #steroids #peds #usada #mmamemes #mmahumor #ufcmemes #ufchumor #funnymma #hardcoremma (at Fortaleza, Brazil)

[hardcoremma-blog]

FIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT: Eddie Alvarez and Dustin Porier have agreed to fight each other at UFC 211 in Dallas, TX. These two are known as Edward and Peahead in McGregor language! Who you got?? #conormcgregor #mcgregor #themaclife #dustinporier #peahead #eddievarez #ufc #ufc211 #mma #martialarts #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #karate #jiujitsu #bjj #wrestling #fight #fighting #cagefighting #hardcoremma #mmamemes #mmahumor #ufcmemes #ufchumor #fightpromotion #mmapromotion @ufc @theinfamoussmma @thenotoriousmma (at Dallas, Texas)

[hardcoremma-blog]

It's going to be red panty night soon for one of these guys. Who you got at UFC 209?? #conormcgregor #mysticmac #kingmcgregor #tonyferguson #khabibnurmagomedov #redpantynight #ufc #ufc209 #mma #mmamemes #ufcmemes #mmahumor #ufchumor #boxing #kickboxing #muaythai #wrestling #jiujitsu #sambo #hardcoremma (at T-Mobile Arena)