#mlovesstoriesafamilyattitude

[mlovesstories]

A Family Attitude Part 5

Warnings, low self-esteem, language maybe, strong Ally

Word Count 1600

Jensen x daughter!reader

Ally!nanny x platonic!child reader 

Summary: YN has a boost of self-esteem.  

A Family Attitude Series

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“Hey, Daddy!” YN squealed when she saw Jensen come home on a Thursday night.

“Hey, sweetheart! I missed you.”  He walked further into the living room and watched as his daughter ran into his arms. “You doing good?”

“Yep!” She beamed. “You didn’t have to come home for me, Dad. I’m fine.”

“It was my choice. You don’t need to worry, okay?” He squeezed her tightly and spoke quietly into her ear.

“Okay,” she whispered back.

“You have the day off tomorrow, right?” He leaned back to see her face.

“Yeah, it’s grading day for teachers.”

Jensen grabbed her hand and guided her to the couch and tucked her in next to him. She leaned against his left side.

“I’m assuming you are on top of your homework already. You and me are going to go out and have some fun tonight and then hang out tomorrow. Sound good?”

“Yes.” She calmly smiled.

“When I’m done with you, you’ll see how awesome you are, okay?” He rubbed her back.

“Okay,” she sighed, indifferent.

——-

The next morning they went to their favorite breakfast spot. YN excitedly ordered the largest plate she could, her dad’s eyes growing wide.

“What? I’m hungry. Dean isn’t the only hungry one in this family,” she smiled. “Besides, I can take home the leftovers and eat it again tomorrow!” YN laughed.

“Okay, okay. I judged too quickly. I’m sorry,” he put his hands up and giggled. Once the waitress had disappeared around the corner, he said,” You’re beautiful. You’re funny and so smart. You’re so driven, and I’m so glad you don’t procrastinate like I do. You definitely got that from your mom,” Jensen grinned, remembering his wife. “She’d be so proud of you, sweetheart.”

“Dad, don’t bring her into this please.” YN took her hand away from her father and looked elsewhere.

“I just- you’re amazing, and I want you to know that.”

————

“Come here, YN.” Jensen motioned with his fingers.

They had walked through the door and dropped their things when her father called for her.

“Yeah?” She didn’t move, missing his wanting her to follow him.

“Come on.” Jensen stuck his head out of the bathroom. She walked slowly, recognizing that he was acting strangely. “Face the mirror and-“ YN recognizes his tactics and backed up.

“Dad, I don’t need a confidence lesson.” She stopped outside of the restroom and crossed her arms. Jensen followed her sadly. “Why can’t you see how awesome you are?  I called someone…”

“Dad- what did you do?”

“Ally!” Jensen called for his nanny.  She came down the stairs. “Please do what I asked of you earlier.” She nodded, walked past Jensen, and grabbed YN’s hand.

“What are you doing here? My dad is home, you have the day off.” YN confusedly inquired as she was dragged in front of the mirror in the hall.

“Your dad needed assistance. Mr. Ackles, get over here. You need this too.”

Jensen laughed at her sternness.

Only she can get away with that and be my employee.

“Coming!” He called back.  Jensen walked into the hall.  

“Now you, young lady, are going to listen to me. No running.” She took a beat.  “Look at yourself.” Ally commanded.  YN huffed and gave in.  She looked at her figure staring back at her.  Ally had her hands on YN’s shoulders just in case she tried to leave. Jensen walked in front of the mirror next to Ally.  

“I want you to tell me what features you like about yourself.”  Ally prompted.

“Ally-”

“Shut it, YN.  Tell me.”

“I can’t,” she admitted.

“Ackles, you’re up.  What do you like about yourself?”  Ally asked Jensen.  He was taken aback by her question.

I thought this was about YN.  

“I like my freckles, the color of my hair, and how tall I am,”  he said answered after a few seconds of thinking.  He took over for Ally and tried to give YN some momentum.  “I like your smile.  I love your laugh.  And you have your mom’s nose.”  Jensen grinned as he complimented his daughter.  “Your turn.”

“Umm…” she played with her fingers.

“Okay, hold on.”  Jensen started.  “Look in the mirror, sweetheart.”  He broke down her assignment even more.  Blankly, she followed instructions.  “Do you agree with me?”  He lifted her chin so that they made eye contact via the mirror.  YN shook her head.  “One thing, then.”

“I like my eyes.  They’re exactly like yours,” she said, emotionless.  

“You know what I like?”  Ally asked.  YN looked at her. “I like that you’re taller than me. It makes me laugh because i am the one that is supposed to be taller.  Beyond that, you’re sweet and respectful.  You try and attempt everything at least once.  You listen to me even though I know you want your dad here.  I appreciate that,” Ally said with a kiss on YN’s cheek.  “You will tell each other one thing you like about yourselves every day for a week.” She pointed between both Ackles’.  “Now, I need to go on a hot date, so I’ll leave her in your capable hands, Mr. Ackles.”  Ally concluded.  

“Thank you,” YN whispered.  Ally wouldn’t have heard it for the fact she was right next to her.  The nanny wrapped her arms around YN from behind her.  “I love you,” she said.

“I love you too,” Ally spoke softly.  “Be nice to yourself.  I’ll tell you about my date on Monday, okay?” She knew YN would want all the details.

“Okay.” YN grinned and wiped a tear from her eye.  “I need a minute, Dad.  I’m going to my room for a sec.”  With that, she walked into her room.  

“Thank you, Ally.”  Jensen nodded toward YN’s room.  His shoulders relaxed.

“You need to get ahold of this, Ackles.  I love her, but she is your kid.  She wants you.”

“I know.  Thanks for saving me.” He walked her out.  

“You owe me, Ackles.”  Ally beamed.  “You can pay me back with a spoiler for the new season.”  She crossed her arms ready for a playful power struggle.

“No!  You have to wait.  I’ll pay for your hot date tonight.  Here.”  He handed her some cash with a chuckle.  

“I was kidding.  I don’t need anything,” she put it on the entry table.  “I came over because you two mean the world to me.  Now it’s your turn.  Compliment her qualities, she needs it.  She needs a personality boost.  Have a good night, Ackles.”  Ally left the Austin home with a wave.  

———

“No.”

“Mom, it’s my life.” Jensen defended.

“You are not ready. And you just had an intervention with Ally from what I heard from her earlier.  Do not put me in a position where I have to fix YN because you messed her up. Wait to take your relationship with Danneel to the next level until they truly get along.  If you don’t, it will only get worse.  Go ask Jared. I’m sure he has read some article on this or something.”

Jensen rolled his eyes as he spoke to his mother via a voice call.

“Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me, boy.”

“How-“

“I love you, but don’t do this until YN is ready. Please.”

“Fine, Ma. I won’t. I love you.” He hung up the phone as YN walked in and crashed against him on the couch. “You do know that there is like ten feet of couch over there, right? You practically landed on top of me.” He laughed. She snuggled into him without a response. “You’re only quiet when something’s wrong. What’s up?” YN curled into him even more and pulled his blanket over her own body. .

“I just want you.”

“I want you too… what’s going on?” He tried to look at her face but she hid, burying her face in his cotton T-shirt.

“I’m tired. I’m so tired,” she mumbled through the material.

“I’m so sorry. You want to go to bed?” He tried to see her face again but no luck.

“No, I want you.”

“Honey, I’m confused.”

“I want my dad. I want you to tell me I’m fine.”

“Wait, what?  Is something wrong?” Jensen grew more than concerned.

“School is so hard right now. I just want you to tell me it’s okay.”

“Of course. You’re a fantastic student and you will push through because you are dedicated and you care.” He rubbed her back.

“And I want to go to UT.” YN looked up at him.

“Wha- huh?” He looked at her blankly. “You’re fifteen, we don’t have to worry about what school you go to til you’re a senior.”

“I know, but I want to. I have to do good now to get in.” She said, stressed .

“I’m very proud of you, but it’s not worth killing yourself over when you already do well anyway. You gotta pace yourself.” He calmed her. She lied her head back down against his chest.

“No time, gotta do well to-“ she started to stand from the couch.

“Shhh. Come here. Are you done with everything due Monday?” He asked as he pulled her to him.

“Yes, but I have extra credit due Wednes-“

“No. Stay here with me so we can watch some horrible TV.” Jensen joked.

“Dad, I have-“

“I said no, come on, sweetheart. You’ll make yourself sick. Plus I have tons of conventions coming up. I won’t see you as much and I’ll miss you. Just be here with me right now, okay?” She saw the pleading expression on his face.

“Okay, Daddy.” She have a small smile.

A Family Attitude Series

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[mlovesstories]

A Family Attitude Part 7

Part 7

A Family Attitude Series

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Warnings: panic attacks, language maybe, adult/child fight

Words: 1700

Jensen x daughter!reader

Danneel x platonic child reader

Ally x platonic child reader

Jared x niece!reader

Mention of Haley- night nanny

“Dude, What happened to your ar-“ Jared walked over to his friend and reached for Jensen’s wrist. YN dropped her head with tears about to spill over, feeling horrible every time she saw the scratch marks on his arm. Jensen gave a warning glare to Jared and shook his head discreetly. Jared stopped mid-movement and moved on. “You doing good today, YN?”

“I think so. Thanks for yesterday.  I didn’t know what to do. I love you, Uncle Jared.” She walked over to him and hugged him.

“Anything for my favorite Ackles,” he snickered.

“Hey! What about YOUR BROTHER?” Jensen faked a jealous attitude.  “I am your favorite.”

“Are not.”

“Are too!”

“Shut up!  I have school stuff to do, so scram!” YN spread her feet in defense of the space around her.

“Party pooper.” Jensen gritted his teeth, teasing.

“I will call Grandma on you. Now get.” YN crossed her arms, cocked her head to the side, and waited.

“Damn.  Okay, going out. On it.” Jared smiled.

“Got your phone? Text me if there is s problem, okay?”

“Promise, Dad.  Scouts’ honor.” She saluted her father with two fingers extending from her forehead toward her dad. “Hey,” she started, “Sorry about your arm. Will they be able to cover it up?”

“This,” he looked at her,” was not your fault. Don’t blame yourself, understand?”

“But your arm is so scratched-“

“Stop. We are done with this, okay?” He calmly embraced her.

“Okay. Have fun out there.”

_______

When Jensen returned to his trailer, he found his daughter asleep at the desk. He frowned at her tiredness.

“Baby,” he tapped her shoulder. “Wake up.” She stirred and looked up at him. “If you sleep now, you won’t sleep tonight. Wake up a little and then do school stuff.” She whined deep in her throat. “I know, but you have to.”

“Ugfff,” she huffed. “Fine. But I hate you. Just for the record.”

“Part of the job description of being a dad.” He grinned. She sat up in her chair.

“I’m never having kids. Parents suck,” she groaned but smiled.

“I suck? What?” He dramatically responded.

“You’re okay,” YN giggled. “Okay, homework it is.  Remind me next time to not visit you for a week during the school year.”

“Will do.  Call me if you need me.”

———-

Jensen entered his trailer to bring his daughter lunch.  He didn’t see her in the desk chair.

“YN-“ he froze, taking in her body on the carpet.

“YN!”

“Daddy,” she barely whispered, “help me.”

“Okay, you’re okay.” He noted her shaking body and new scratches on the side of her neck. “Give me your hands.” He took them in his larger hands and saw blood under her fingernails. “We’ll get this under control.” Jensen saw her start to converse but he shushed her. “Relax. We’ll talk in a minute.”  She pulled her hand back and they went back to her skin. “Stop, sweetheart. You’re hurting yourself.” He tried to help her calm, but it wasn’t working. “Hey!” He caught her attention. “Stop!” Cutting through her thoughts, she ceased her movements. Jensen took her hands back into his and squeezed down so that she wouldn’t scratch again. “Baby, come back.  You’re okay. I’m here.”

————

“Hey,” Jared walked into Jensen’s trailer. “Again?” He looked at Jensen, noting YN’s still, tired body curled into her father. He nodded.

“Yeah, I don’t know what to do. Jared, what do I do?” He looked down at his sleeping daughter.

————

“Hey, YN.  How are you?” Danneel walked into Jensen’s Austin home.  

“Okay, I guess,” YN sighed. “Thanks for coming over tonight.”

“Of course. I want you safe. Are you good with me staying with you? I know you’ve got someone here at night, but is this okay?”

“I don’t really talk to her. She is not Ally,” YN sighed.

“You know you need to be nice to Haley,” Ally walked into the room. “She’ll be here soon, so be kind.”

“I’m always nice. I just want someone else here so I can calm down if I get stressed out again.  I hate this so much.  Why? Why do I have these attacks?!”

“I’m not sure, YN.  Don’t forget that we love you though.” Ally stood in front of YN on the couch. “I’m off the clock, so I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for helping my favorite girl, Danneel.”

“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Danneel responded with a smile.

“That’s not true,” YN said under her breath.

“Up, now.” Ally heard what she said. YN stood up, knowing where this conversation was going. YN followed her into the hallway. “Be nice. She doesn’t have to do this for you. You know that, right? She loves your dad, therefore she sacrifices for him and you. Don’t insult her acts of kindness, okay?” YN nodded. “Good,” Ally kisses her on the cheek. “Love you. See you tomorrow.”

————

“So what did the doctor say about your scratching?”

“To put lotion on it. He gave me this soothing stuff.  At least it smells good, I guess.”

“They can’t do anything else?”

“Unless I see a therapist to relax which I’m not doing. No thanks.”

“But-“

“No.” YN growled. “Dad said it was fine if I talked to Jared. I have to or he’s going to make me go see a psychologist.”

“I’m so happy Jared can be there for you.” Danneel smiled.

“Me too,” YN returned.

————-

“You ready for bed?”

“Yeah, I am tired.  Good night, Danneel.”

“Hey,” Danneel called for YN. “Your dad said he put a monitor in your room?”

“Yeah, so that he can hear me if I have an attack.” YN’s cheeks became red.

“It’s fine, YN. “Where is the other other monitor?”

“I think it’s next to my dad’s bed.”

“Okay, I’ll follow you up and get it.”

————-

During the night, Danneel heard quick breathing. As she took in the surrounding of Jensen’s guest bedroom, she saw the baby monitor. Danneel pushed her blankets off of herself and ran into YN’s room.  

“Hey, hey,” Danneel saw that YN was still sleeping. She watched as YN’s hands went toward her neck. “Uhhh…” Danneel took a breath and looked around the room.

Mittens.

“I got you, I got you.” YN woke up after a violent shake. Danneel put the gloves over YN’s hands before she could resist. When YN went to scratch, she couldn’t.  “Good girl.  It’s okay. I put your mittens on, don’t stress. Breathe.”

“Hug… please.”

———

“Hey, sweetheart. I heard it was a rough one last night.”

“I’m okay. Just a bad dream. Dee was there.”

“I’m so glad. Don’t forget to call Jared tonight,” Jensen commanded via FaceTime.

“Dad, this is hard enough. I don’t want Uncle Jared judging me.”

“He’s not, YN. He’s helping you. Remember what I said. Either talk to him or we get a therapist.  It’s not a bad thing, YN. You’ve seen how good Jared is doing. I just want you to be confident and healthy.

“I know. Can we change the subject please?”

———-

“You missed you phone call.” Jensen sternly stated.

“I didn’t want to, okay?!” YN yelled into the phone.

“You know the deal. Now you will have to talk to someone who doesn’t know you. If you would just have talked to Jared, it would be a whole lot easier!” Jensen spat back at his daughter. Voices were raised when Danneel walked into the YN’s room.

“Hey! Will you two shut up!” Danneel stood in the doorway of YN’s room and crossed her arms. “The Ackles’ lung capacities are astonishing. YN, let me talk to him.”

“No, he needs to go now,” YN ended the FaceTime session.

“YN! That was totally uncalled for!”

“He doesn’t know! He doesn’t understand, okay?!”

“But Jared does! When have you known the big moose to judge others? He loves you like his own. He is so proud of you, YN. Jared raves about how much you mean to him when he brags about family. I’ve heard him.  He would never betray your trust. Call him.”

“... Now?”

“Yeah. Now.”

“He’s probably on the phone with Gen or busy or-“

“Talk. To. Him.” Danneel demanded.  

“I hate this!”

“You’ll hate it less if you talk to him. He’s been where you are right now.  Do you want to talk to someone you already trust or someone who you don’t know?”

“Fine!” YN yelled and called her uncle. Once he picked up, Danneel left YN alone in her room.

“Hey, YN-“

“I hate my dad!”

“Uhh…”

“Can we have our conversation now? I’m sorry I ignored your phone call.”

“Sure,” he answered, surprised by her sudden willingness. “You want to talk about last night?”

————-

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn't have threatened you with a therapist like that. Please forgive me.”

“I know.”

“I won’t do that anymore. I’m glad you talked to Jared. Did it help?”

“Yeah,” YN smiled to the camera on her phone. “He listened and didn’t judge me.”

“He’s a good friend, YN. Thank you for talking with him.  How is it having Dee there at night?  Does she calm you down?”

“Yes.  Jared taught her some calming stuff.  And she put mittens on my hands.  She found them somewhere.  Helps with the scratching.”

“That’s really smart.  What would you think about wearing them at night?  Just in case?”  Jensen was not sure if she would agree.

“Yeah, I think so.  I don’t like the scratch marks everywhere.”  YN answered with a defeated sigh.

“I understand,” he gave a reassuring smile.  

______

“Danneel!”  YN yelled for her dad’s girlfriend from her room.

“Yeah?”  Danneel entered.  

“Do you know where the mittens are?  My dad said I should wear them at night now.”

“Oh, umm… I think I saw them on the counter by your sink?”  Danneel guessed.  

“Found them!”  YN responded from the bathroom.  She giggled at her lack of awareness.

“Good.  Goodnight, YN.  Sleep good.”

______

A Family Attitude Series

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@sleepylunarwolf

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@officially-emo

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[mlovesstories]

A Family Attitude Part 8

Warnings: panic attacks, emotions, child/adult fight, language maybe

Word Count 2000

Jensen x Daughter!reader

Jared x Niece!reader

Danneel x platonic!child reader

Psychologist!Dr. Wiley x child reader!platonic

A Family Attitude Series

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“You okay?”  Jared held YN into his chest.  Her chest heaved, and she controlled her breathing.  

“Yeah… I think so.”

______

“She needs a more structured setting, dude.  Her panic attacks have gotten worse,” Jared told Jensen in his trailer.  “She’s not doing any better.  Please let me get someone else.  I love her, but I can’t watch her suffer like this.  I got better because someone told me I couldn’t do it without clinical help.  Please do this.  She needs it.”  

“She’ll hate me.”  

“At least she’ll be healthy, buddy.  You’re job is not for her to like you,”  Jared expressed honestly. “How many times did your parents do things you hated but it worked out in the end?”

“You’re right.  Give me the guy’s number.  I need to fix this.”

_______

Jensen, Danneel and YN were laughing in the trailer when Jared knocked on the door.  The taller actor entered with a very professional-looking man.  He looked to be in his 30s, short hair with a button down shirt and tie. The shoes gave him away.  

“No.  Jared, get him out of here.”

“This is Dr. Wiley.  He is my psychologist.  He’s here to-”

“No.  Dad, I told you no therapists.” YN yelled at her father.

“I know, but you’re still struggling, and he can help you.  Please.”  

“Hi, I’m Dr. Wiley,” he smiled.

“Eat me, Hasselhoff.” She tightened her jaw at the man. ”Were you all in on this?”  YN angrily surveyed their faces.  They weren’t giving in, and she felt betrayed.  “Wow, this is a new low, even for you, Dad.  I hate you.”  YN stood up and stormed out of the trailer.   

“That went about how I thought it would.  Sorry, Dr. Wiley.”

“That is not the worst reaction I’ve gotten Mr. Ackles, I’m not worried.”

“Can you just hang around?  Show her you’re not leaving just because of her attitude?”  Jensen practically begged.  

“You should join my practice, Mr. Ackles,” he chuckled.  “She and I will be just fine.”

_______

Danneel saw YN and approached her in her hiding spot behind the actors’ trailers.

“Did you know about this too?”  YN gritted her teeth.  

“I knew Jensen might enlist the doctor’s help, but that’s all I heard.”  

“And you and I were just getting along…”

“You may not be able to see it now, but we love you.  If you can push through-”

“Shut up, Danneel.  You’ve hated me since my dad started dating you.”

“That is not true!  I have fallen in love with you both!  You are just mad because we are helping you in a way that you don’t like.  You want to feel better, right?”

“I’m not helpless!  I can handle this!”

“No, you can’t!  We’ve done everything we can, and it isn’t helping!  Do you want your life back or not?”

“I’m fine!”

“Obviously.  It’s not like you have a panic attack every night!  I don’t mind staying with you at night, but do you want to feel better?  Tell me!” Danneel screamed.

“Yes!”  YN gave in, crying in defeat.  “I can’t.  I’m so tired.”

Danneel sat next to YN on the ground, leaning against the trailer wall.  

“I don’t hate you.  I love you even if you don’t know it right now.”

_______

“Why are you still here?”  YN asked Dr. Wiley after calming down.  She walked up to him under the tent and sat at the lunch tables across from the doctor.  

“There are a lot of people that love you.  They care about you, and they know I can help you.

“I’m not some psycho case,” YN said defensively.  

“None of my patients are,” the doctor grinned at her claim.  “I promise, I will not treat you as if you are weird or different.  You are a person who needs to learn some coping mechanisms.  You have anxiety, and I can help calm you down.  Would you like that?”  YN relaxed her expression. 

“Um, yeah.  That would be great, actually.”

“Imagine if you had some things to use when you feel stressed out.  Would you feel better?”

“I think so.”

“Great.  You ready to get started?”

________

Jensen climbed into the van that would take him and his daughter back to their apartment.  As he and YN sat in the second row, she huffed.  

“Hey, you okay?  I know today was-”

“I’m fine.”  YN growled.  “I’m tired of talking.”

“I’m sure.  Just tell me that you know I love you.  I know you were surprised, and I’m sorry.  I just love you so much.  I don’t want you hurting anymore.”  Sorrowfully, Jensen looked up from the floor to his daughter.

“I still don’t like you.”

“Okay, I’ll take it.”  

———

I want you to get some exercise once you leave. It will decrease your stress and make your body tired.”

“I’m not fat,” YN didn’t like his insinuation.  

“I’m not saying you are.  I’m saying that instead of having an attack that causes your body to react, use energy so that your body is too tired.  And breathe.  Normally.  When you’re in the moment work on realizing it will end.  Try out those things, and report back to me the next time we talk.  I think it will help.” He smiled at her.

“That sounds stupid.  I can’t think like that when I’m on the floor scratching my leg.”

“Okay, how about this?  Count.  If you can count in order, do math problems in your head.  Or if someone is around, have them quiz you.  Do what works for you.  We’ll try some other techniques if these don’t work.  Does that sound more manageable?”

“I will try, but I don’t think it will work.”

“Just try, that’s all I ask.  I want to talk to you two times a week, okay?  I know you go back and forth from Austin to Vancouver, so phone calls will suffice.”  

“Yes, sir.”

_______

“I’m so glad you chose to participate, YN.  I will talk with you soon.”  Dr. Wiley smiled as Jensen and YN walked out of his office.  

As the Ackles’ walked to the subway, Jensen looked his daughter and her relaxed state.  

“You seem more calm.  Do you feel a little bit better now?”

“Yes.  He seems nice.”

“I can already tell you are happier.  I think the new exercises will be a benefit, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” YN agreed.  “I hope someone is there next time something happens though.  I’m afraid I might freeze.  

“I’m sure it’s scary, but we’ll work through it.  We always do.”

______

Jensen heard unusual noises coming from YN’s Vancouver bedroom. He sprinted through her door entry to assess the situation.  She was awake but on the floor, violently shaking.  

“Hey, I know you can hear me.  Can you talk?” Jensen made eye contact with his daughter. She shook her head, but he barely noticed.  “Okay, this will end. We just have to endure this right now. I want you to count in your head, okay? Every time you say a number in your head, squeeze my hand.”  Jensen took her hand but she rolled the other way, pushing him away. “No, come on.  Please.”  He tried to keep an even voice.  Once she calmed somewhat, he had her count out loud.

“You’re doing great.  You will be fine.  I love you.”

“‘Ve you too,” she gave a tired smile. Her dad stood up and extended his hands to her. “I am tired, Daddy.  Can you stay?”  She asked slowly, matching her thoughts with her words.

“Sure, sweetheart. Stand up, let’s get you back in bed.”

_______

The next day, Jensen took YN into the gym trailer on set.  Between setups, they did some simple exercises that used her physical energy.  

“Good girl, keep going.”  Jensen encouraged his daughter as she punched the pads on his arms.  “1-2, 1-2, nice job.  Water break!”  

“Thanks,” YN was handed a water bottle by her father.  

“How do you feel?”

“My muscles aren’t as tight.”

“Good, that’s what we’re going for.  I’m so proud of you.”

“We’ll see if it works though.”  She let out a breath, defeated.

“Hey, look at me.” Jensen hated her doubtfulness. “We have to try different things.  That’s just part of it unfortunately.  But I love you.  You’re doing so good.  I hope deep down you see that.  You’re fighting to get your life back.  That’s a good thing, YN.”

“I know, it has just taken a long time.”  

“It has, but you’re more calm, and you know why you do the things you do when you get anxious now, right?  Dr. Wiley has told you that it’s okay and it’s not uncommon for someone who has lost a parent to go through this.  You aren’t alone, you know.”

“You’re doing fine though, Dad.  You don’t have to deal with this.”  YN felt her muscles tighten.  

“We are not having that discussion right now.  I can see you getting amped up. Don’t compare yourself to me.  We all handle things differently.  Let’s get back to it so that you can get loose again.”

_______

“How do you do it?”  Yn was lying on the couch with her dad in their Austin home.  

“What?”

“With Mom being gone.  You never had anxiety or anything.”

Jensen took her hand.  

“I prayed, honestly.  I talked with Jared, and I had a therapist come to set sometimes.”  

“And you didn’t tell me?  Why?”  YN sat up and quizzically looked at her father.  

“Because you don’t need to worry about me, sweetheart.  I’m sorry I didn’t help you enough earlier on.  I guess I just didn’t do enough.”

“No.  Please, Dad.  You couldn’t have known.  Dr. Wiley told me that it’s normal for anxiety to happen years after Mom died.”

“He told you that?”

“Yeah.  Not your fault, Dad.”  She kissed him on the cheek.  

“Thank you, sweetheart.”  He tried to keep his tears at bay, but a few crossed the barrier onto his face.  

“Dad, it’s not your fault.  Don’t blame yourself for any of this.  It will be okay.  Dr. Wiley will help.”  YN smiled and wiped away the few tears that came down toward his chin.  

“You’re an awesome kid, you know that?”

“Yeah, but my dad is way cooler than me,” she chuckled.  

“Not true!”

“Yes, it is!”  YN gave her dad a belly laugh.  

_______

“Did the exercises help?”  Dr. Wiley asked YN via Skype on a Wednesday.

“A little.  My dad was there.  He calmed me down.  He also took me boxing.  It felt good.”

“Have you had any panic attacks since?”

“One last night.  But it wasn’t as bad.  The nanny helped me.  My friend Ally has been working out with me, so I think that’s why it wasn’t as intense.”

“Wow, that’s amazing YN.  I’m very proud of you.  Now that we have worked through your attacks, do you want to talk about anything else while we are in session?”

“My dad feels bad,”  YN frowned.

“About you having anxiety?”

“Yeah.  I told him it wasn’t his fault.  He calmed down after I told him it was normal to not feel the symptoms until years later.  My mom’s been gone for a few years now.  It makes sense.”

“So what did he say?”

“He said he was proud of me, but he hasn’t talked to me for a few days.” 

“Would it help if I talked to him?”  Dr. Wiley asked.

“Maybe.  I’m not sure.  I think he would like that.”

“Okay, we can definitely do that.”

________

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A Family Attitude Part 10

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Warnings: anxiety, fainting, hospitals, panic attacks

Word Count: 1085

“Hey, Jensen,” Ally calmly called Jensen in Vancouver.

“You don’t usually call me at 7:00pm after your shift.”

“I know. I told Haley to stay home tonight. I got my girl. Look, she’s fine, but she fainted.”

“Huh?” Jensen became alarmed. “Are you at the hospital?”

“She came to pretty quick. No need. Danneel and I were talking to her and then her eyes closed and she fell over on the couch. I think she had a panic attack.”

“No warning, no nothing?”

“I didn’t see any. She’s okay though.”

“I’m coming home.”

“No you are not. YN is fine. Here,” Ally switched her call to a video chat.

“Hi, Daddy.”  YN said tiredly.

“Hi, sweetheart.  You recovering okay?”

“Yeah, Dee and Ally are here.”

“I’m coming home. I’ll see you-“

“No!” All three ladies said at the same time.

“What- why?” Jensen responded. 

“Because we got her. Let us help you. Let ME help her. We’ll be fine,” Danneel came into the frame.

“Oh. Okay. Well, call me with updates? And if it happens again, she goes to ER. Got it? And make her an appointment with Wiley for tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir,” Ally promised.

————-

“She’s fine, Jensen. She went to school, no issues. And she’s on a FaceTime call with Dr. Wiley.”

“I guess you’re right. I’m sorry.” Jensen rubbed his forehead while cradling the phone against his head.

“You need to relax. Dee and I are taking care of it. I’ll call you if we need anything. Which we won’t!”

“Okay. Please just… take care of her.”

“When have I not? Goodbye Jensen.”

————

“How was your session with Wiley?” Jensen talked to YN later that night.

“Good. He told me that memories I was having while Dee was talking overpowered me and I fainted. I’m fine though. He told me to tell you not to worry.”

“Did he?” Jensen chuckled.

“Yes, he did.”

“So nothing could have prevented it or…?”

“I haven’t been working out the last few days. That might be why.”

“Ally needs to get you back out there.”

“It’s not her f’n job! It’s mine. Dad, you can’t control everything. I’ll work out tomorrow. I’ve been slacking, but I’ll do better. I don’t want to faint again.”

“Please do that.  I hate being so far away.”

“I’ll see you in a few-“ YN suddenly stopped talking.

“BABY!” Jensen saw her eyes roll back. “ALLY!” He yelled for the nanny. “DEE! Anybody!”

Danneel ran into the room and saw YN leaning over with eyes closed. “YN!”

“DEE! She fainted again. Call 911!”

————-

Jensen ran into the hospital. When he reached YN’s room, he saw Dee with puffy eyes.

“How- Is-“

“She’s stable.” Danneel looked at him blankly.

“Just asleep?”

“Hasn’t woken up since we got here, but doc says she’s overly tired.”

“Oh my gosh, okay.” He took Danneel into a hug. “Thank you for helping me. I can’t do this by myself.”

“I sent Ally home. It’s really late.” She murmured into his chest.

“I don’t deserve you. Thank you for being my lady in shining armor,” he giggled into her hair.

“Cheesy,” she smiled. “But I’ll take it.” She backed away and linked her hands with his. “I’m in it. With you both. I got you. And her. Package deal.” Danneel smirked. Jensen initiated a kiss.

“Eww,” YN groaned, noting her dad’s actions.

“Of course she would wake up to us doing THAT.” Jensen whispered too low for his daughter to hear.

“Go.” Danneel nudged him toward the hospital bed. He walked to YN and dragged a chair with him.

“Hey, sweetheart. You okay?”

“Unff.” She growled out. “I don’t know.”

“Well, we’ll get a nurse in here to find out.” He squeezed her arm up and down as a calming technique.

A nurse came in and checked her vital signs. YN was stable but very tired. The doctor arrived and suggested that YN be put on medication for her sudden attacks.

“No.” YN refuted. “I want to talk to Dr. Wiley first.” She crossed her arms.

“I think you already have. He hasn’t made a difference,” the medical doctor argued.

“YOU have NO IDEA how far I have come!” YN screamed as loudly as she could. Her voice came out a little louder than a whisper from being overly exhausted.

“Baby,” Jensen rubbed her arm. “It’s okay. We will talk to Wiley first.”

“I wouldn’t suggest waiting, Mr. Ackles-“

“I would. YN is the patient. She gets to choose. When will she be discharged?” Jensen curtly asked. The doctor shook his head and looked away.

“Paperwork takes a few hours, but hopefully we can get you home soon, YN. Sorry to have upset you.”

“Thank you. Have a good day,” YN smiled, not a reaction he expected.

He wished her the same.

————-

“Wiley, I don’t know what to do.” Jensen called the therapist.

“Thank you for telling me what happened.  You have to be strong for her though.  She can’t see you frustrated right now.  Deep breaths and expend some energy if you can. Is she sleeping?”

“Yeah, she’s exhausted. Thanks for taking my call so early. She will talk to you later,” Jensen ended the phone call.

———-

“I don’t want to go on medicine, Dr. Wiley. I was doing so good.”

“Do you trust me to try something else before we go that route?” He asked over the phone.

“Please. But what do I do? I blacked out so fast.”

“I want you to look at something when you feel like you are going into a panic attack. Find something that’s moving so that you can focus on tracking it. A TV, someone walking around, a fan, anything. Or have a comforting object near you. A baby blanket, stuffed animal, something soothing to touch.

YN became red with embarrassment as she replied, “I have a few of those.”

“Great. Focus on it and breathe. Don’t forget to breathe smoothly. Sound good?”

“I’ll try. I think I can do that.”

“Great. If you have any issues, let me know.”

————-

“How are the strategies working? It’s been a week.”

“Good. I carry one of my dad’s flannels with me. I keep it in my backpack when I’m at school and pull it out if I get anxious.”  YN smiled.

“Great, so no blackouts?”

“No. Close calls, but I grabbed the flannel to keep me calm. It works. No meds for me!” YN giggled.

“I’m so, so happy for you,” Dr. Wiley grinned. 

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A Family Attitude Part 9

Part 9

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Warnings: emotional conversations, mention of dead mother, child/adult fights, language

Word Count 1600

Shoutout to @chonisberonica and @rosie-winchester for their lovely feedback lately! 

“Thanks for joining us, Mr. Ackles. We haven’t seen each other for a while. I’m so glad you were able to support Jared when I met you the first time. How are you today?”

“I’m good, thanks. Glad to be here with my girl.” He smiled and took YN’s hand as they sat next to each other in Dr. Wiley’s office in Vancouver.

“Thank you for staying in contact with me, YN. You have been one of my easier patients to get ahold of.”

“I didn’t want to, but he made me,” she nudged her dad, laughing.  “And you’ve helped me,” she thanked Dr. Wiley.

“Mr. Ackles, YN wanted to talk about something that is alarming her. The three of us will be fully involved in this conversation, are you okay with that?”

“Umm, yeah. Of course.” He squeezed his daughter’s hand.

“She expresses the burdens you’ve been feeling lately in regard to her anxiety. YN mentioned you have been acting out of character.”

“That’s why you wanted me to come, YN?” Jensen took his gaze away from the doctor.

“Umm… Yes?” YN lost confidence in her decision.

“I’m fine, sweetheart.  Thanks for being worried about me though.  If there isn’t anything else, I’ll step outside.”  Jensen dismissed YN’s want for him to be there.

“Mr. Ackles-”

“No, I’m perfectly okay.  Excuse me,” Jensen quickly walked out of the office into the waiting room.  YN’s demeanor completely changed. She stood up and chased after him.

“Really, Dad?!” YN demanded.  “You wanted me to come to therapy, but it’s too good for you now?”  She stomped after him.  They stopped in the empty waiting room.  The office manager looked up.

“Baby, I’m okay.  Thank you for bringing me though.”  

“You are not!  You were crying the other night!”  YN pointed at her dad.

“People cry all the time, YN,” he hushed.

“Yes, but that is unlike you.  I wanted you to feel better.  That’s all.  I can tell you’re sad. Please just this one session.  Then you don’t have to come back.  Please.” Her face softened, almost teary.

“Oh, sweetheart.  I’m so sorry.  I didn’t realize this meant so much to you.”  He took a large step and engulfed her into a hug.  “Let’s try this again.”

The Ackles’ walked back into the room.  Dr. Wiley sat calmly.

“Mr. Ackles, please tell us what’s going through your head.  It’s obvious that you are working through something. Let her in.  It’s very apparent that you need to let it out.”

“Should I do this in front of her? I want to support her, but she’s my kid, and I-“

“I understand your trepidation of vulnerability, but I think she needs to see you work through this. From what I’ve heard, you two dealt with the loss of your wife separately. Show her you’re her dad but also human. She’ll open up more if she feels as if she can relate to you better. Right, YN?” Dr. Wiley looked to YN.

“Yes. He doesn’t have to be a superhero.” 

“I just hate to see her suffer.”  Jensen took his cue.  “She’s already been through a lot. Being the dad, I want her to feel better. Make sure she is protected.”

“Dad, you can’t fix this. I’m better, I promise. Just tell me you love me. That’s good enough.”

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I thought you were doing okay after Mom died, but I guess I was wrong,” Jensen backtracked.

“Let me stop you right there, Mr. Ackles,” he put a hand up. “You thought you had provided enough support at the time, correct? She had help?” Before Jensen could answer, YN responded..

“I saw a counselor at school for a year. It helped a lot. When my dad started dating Danneel the panic attacks started all over.”

“You hid those from me back when Mom died?” Jensen narrowed his eyes at YN. “Why? Did anyone know?” Jensen tensed again.

“Don’t be mad, Dad.”

“Who knew?” He interrogated.

“Jared and Ally,” she gave in. “You’re not home a lot, and I didn’t want you to worry while you were gone. You didn’t need that.”

“Come on, you don’t trust me?” He growled.

“Mr. Ackles, please take a moment.”  Jensen became aggressive in his body language, defensive. All of a sudden, he was hit with something. Jensen looked at his chest and saw a suction cupped dart attached to his shirt.

“What the-“ Jensen protested.

“Now that I fully have your attention, Mr. Ackles, YN, would you like to tell him what this nerf gun is for?” Dr. Wiley waved it in the air. YN giggled at her dad’s astonishment.

“It’s to get you out of your own head. And to stay calm.  Therapy is calm. We can’t work through stuff if we are amped up.”

Jensen’s eyes were like saucers.

“Wait- huh?” Her dad didn’t see the correlation between a toy and psychology.

“Mr. Ackles, you became angry when you found out she shared information with others first.” Jensen agreed with a stern face. “Hear her out before you make judgements, please. And in the future, I get to use this on either one of you as much as I like if I need to. Understand?” He slyly grinned.

“Yes, sir.” YN smirked at the irony. Jensen nodded in agreement.

“YN and I have talked at length about why she decided not to tell you.  Would you like to tell him, YN?”

“Can you? Please? I don't think I can right now,” she stated, overwhelmed.  

“Sure. Mr. Ackles, she is much like you, I can see that. YN expresses that she saw a change in you, and she didn’t want you to worry about her.  According to her, it was affecting all areas of your life.”

“But, I-“ Jensen interjected.

“Please let me finish.” The doctor stopped him.  Jensen shut his mouth. “She is a very bright kid, do you agree?” The father nodded. “YN is very protective of you. She used her smarts to do what she thought was best. Children blame themselves for circumstances that they have no control over. Although she realizes that her mom’s death is not her fault, she wanted to make it better. In doing so, she worried that you would worry about her, to put it plainly. So she told others instead.  Make sense?”

“I don’t ever want you to feel this way. Please tell me the next time something comes up. We should deal with it together.”

“Your dad has a good point, YN. I want you two to work on communicating the smaller things more. If you share the small, things, big ones will be easier.”  Dr. Wiley changed subjects.  “YN, I know you have been around Danneel more often.  It doesn’t seem as though your attacks have increased.  Are you enjoying your time with her? And a question for you to think about, Mr. Ackles.  Do you think your worries and stress have anything to do with transferring your relationship from your wife to Danneel?”

YN answered while Jensen mulled over the question assigned to him.  YN explained that she really did like Danneel.  Sometimes it was difficult when she did things with Danneel that reminded of her mom, but she was able to work through it.  Dr. Wiley expressed how he was proud of YN for being open to a relationship with her dad’s girlfriend.  

Jensen took in YN���s response and answered his assigned question.  He told the doctor that he often had flashbacks of his wife.  Jensen felt that what he was doing with Danneel was betraying his deceased wife.  Being worried about YN’s reaction to the new scenario, he was constantly stressed.  YN interjected, saying that he worried too much.  She made him aware that she would let him know if there was a problem, referencing her sassy behavior over the previous year.  He chuckled.  Jensen took a breath, shoulders feeling lighter.  

“I will talk with you both next week, okay?” Dr. Wiley guided them to the door.

“Will do.” Jensen smiled and held the door open for his daughter to exit.

—————

“Do you hate me?”  YN snuggled into her dad on the couch in their Vancouver apartment.

“Huh?”  He looked down at his daughter with a quizzical look on his face.

“For bringing you to see Dr. Wiley today.”

“The only thing I’m mad about is the dart I was SHOT with!”  He gave a belly laugh.  She joined in.

“Do you feel better?”  She asked.  “I always do.”

“Yes, sweetheart.  Of course.  I’m glad you know how I feel.  And now I know that how I feel is normal for someone in my situation.  No more worrying so much.  He’ll shoot me with the nerf gun again if I do that,” he smirked.

“Right.  It’s going to be okay.  We just have to work at it.”

“Who are you, a mini-psychologist now?”  He grinned.  

______

“Ally!”  YN giggled at her nanny.  “Don’t tell that story!”

“What?  It’s a benefit of knowing you for so long!  Blackmail!”  She responded, roaring with laughter.

“That WAS pretty funny,” Danneel smiled.  “You sound like you were a rambunctious kid.”

“I was.” A grin representing memories crossed YN’s face. All of a sudden, YN showed fear.

“What… are you okay?”  Danneel saw her expression.  YN couldn’t breathe.  Ally ran to her side.  Before they could do anything, her lips became blue.

“YN!” Ally called for her as her eyes shut.

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A Family Attitude Part 6

READ THE WARNINGS! THIS IS INTENSE!!

Warnings: panic attacks, mention of murder, self-esteem issues, self-injurious behavior

Word Count 2500

Jensen x daughter

Danneel x platonic child reader

Jared x platonic child reader (for you, @find-sammys-shoe) 

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“Hey, sweetheart.” Jensen woke up his daughter in their Vancouver apartment.  

“Hi, Daddy,” she smiled back at him with a groggy face.

“Time to get up so you can cause trouble on set today,” he chuckled.

“That was one time, and it was Jared’s fault.”  YN sat up.

“Whatever.” Jensen rolled his eyes.  “Up and atem!” He threw an extra pillow at her head and exited.

On the way to set, Jensen checked his phone.  

“Baby?”  He looked over at YN as she stared out the window in a daydream.  

“Yeah?”

“If I’d known earlier, I would have told you,” Jensen sighed.  

“Okay…?” she strung out the last syllable.  

“Danneel is coming to set today.  She is in town for a photo shoot or something.”  He braced himself for a fight.

“Oh.  Okay.”  YN turned back to the window.

“That’s it?  No arguing or attitude?”

“Dad, you are dating her.  I’m not surprised.  It’s fine.”  She continued to stare elsewhere.

“Huh.” he sat in his seat with a satisfied smile on his face.  

________

After getting settled in Jensen’s trailer, YN pulled out her schoolwork that she was missing that week because of her visit to Vancouver.  She sighed as she saw the list of assignments she needed to finish.  

“One at a time.  Don’t get overwhelmed.”  Jensen logically spoke.  

“Okay, Dad,” she chuckled, knowing he knew her too well. “Go!  I’ll be fine.  Stop lurking and get to Hair and Makeup before they send a search party.  They called you like five minutes ago.  

“Okay, okay!  Sorry!”  He backed up from her.  “I have my phone if you need me.”

_______

While YN was working on assignments and checking emails from her teachers, Danneel arrived on set.  She knocked on Jensen’s trailer door.  

“Yeah?”  YN responded.

“Hey, YN.  Can I throw my stuff in here?”

“Oh, sure.  How are you?”  YN gave a smile.  

“I’m fine.  Looks like you got a lot of stuff going on in here!”  Danneel chuckled at all of the papers surrounding YN.  

“Yeah, it’s what I get for visiting Dad during the school year.”  YN giggled.  “So why are you in Vancouver?”  She asked.

“I have a few photoshoots.  Nothing super exciting.”  

“Oh, cool.  That sounds fun though.  I’ve never gone with my dad to one.  He says it makes him feel like a weirdo.”

“Yeah, sometimes there are creeps and it’s strange, but sometimes it can be fun.”  

“Cool.  I hope you have fun.”  YN gave Danneel a hopeful smile.  She started getting restless with the conversation.  

“I want to go see Jensen, do you know where they are shooting?”

“I think you go out of the trailer and turn left.  I thought I saw signs to set,” YN answered.

“Thanks, girly.  See ya later.”  Danneel gave a grateful expression and left the trailer.  

_______

Danneel came back a little while later since Jensen went off-site for lunch and Jared was on the phone with Gen.  

“Can we talk?”

“About you and my dad?”  YN inferred.

“Yeah.”  

“Sure…” YN huffed.  

“I can only imagine how weird this is for you.  I just wanted to tell you that your dad is awesome, and i think he has a great kid.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m not trying to impede your relationship with your dad or what he had with your mom-”

“Don’t bring her into this!  I can’t do this right now.”  She stood from her desk chair and walked up and down the aisle in the trailer with a hand on her forehead, digging her nails into her skin.  

“I didn’t mean to upset you, YN.”  Danneel said calmly.  

“I just can’t right now.  You’re taking her place!  She was supposed to love my dad forever, and she’s dead!  Do you know why?” YN screamed.  Danneel shook her head.  “A jealous fan killed her!”

“What?  Jensen never said it was a fan.”  Danneel took a deep breath in to absorb the information.  

“Yeah!  She was jealous of my mom, so that lady took her from us!”  YN’s breathing increased and she staggered.  Danneel stood up and pulled her to the couch.  YN’s frantic movement increased.  She started scratching herself roughly and screaming.  “Get… Dad…”  She barely whispered her command to Danneel.  

“I think he left set real quick.  I’ll call Jared, okay?”  Danneel felt YN nod into her body.  She pulled out her phone and heard it ring.  “Jared, Jensen’s trailer.  Now.”  Danneel hung up.  Before she could say anything else, Jared appeared.  He heard her uncontrollable yelling and the couch slamming against the trailer wall.  

“Okay, Okay.  I got you,” he soothed as he entered and saw his niece on the couch.  “Dee, move,”  he demanded gruffly.  After she changed seats, he sat next to YN.  “Can I touch you, YN? Or do you want space right now?” Jared used a low, monotone voice.  

“Hug… me...”  YN whispered through her scratching and screaming.  Her limbs were erratically moving, almost hitting Jared.  

“Okay, hug it is,” he grinned.  “I’m going to push your legs down so you don’t kick me.”  He used his palms to gently push her feet off the couch and onto the floor.  As soon as he let go, her feet returned to the couch.  “Here, lay down while I tell you a story.  Dee, go get that pillow over there,” Jared requested.  He slowly positioned YN lie her head on his lap.  YN’s uncle put an arm across her body to prevent her from moving her arms toward her face.  “You remember that time at the DC convention when we pranked your dad…”

Jensen walked into his trailer fifteen minutes later.  He was surprised when he saw Jared and Danneel hugging his daughter on the actor’s couch.  

“Oh no.” He dropped his things and knelt down in front of YN.  “What happened, sweetheart?  You’ve been crying.  You’re leg is bleeding.  And your face. What’s going on?”  He looked from Jared to Danneel.  

“Jensen, shh.”  Jared prompted.  “Too many questions.”  Jensen raised a brow at his friend.  

“Outside,” Danneel pointed to the door.  She tried to maneuver YN to stand up and exit with Jensen, but YN buried her upper half into the side of her body, surprising Danneel.

“Stay with Jared, okay?  I’ll be back later.”

YN turned to Jared and went under his arm so that his right arm was draped over her shoulders.  

When they walked outside, Jensen grilled Danneel.  

“What the hell-”

“Stop.” Danneel yelled.  “You asking all these questions does not help.  Are you ready for me to explain or are you going to keep interrogating me?” Danneel scolded. Jensen took a breath.  

“What happened?”

“I was telling her about how you were so proud of her, and that I wasn’t here to take her mom’s place, and then she started telling me about your wife, and she freaked out.”  Danneel rambled.  “YN started screaming and scratching her legs and her face.  Nothing I did helped.  Since you weren’t on set, we called Jared and he calmed her.  I’m so sorry.  I didn’t know she had panic attacks.”  Danneel brought her hand to her face to hide her shame.  

“I didn’t know either.”  Jensen admitted. He brought her hand down by taking her wrist in his own hand and moving it to her side.  “Not your fault.  I had no idea.  And I should have told you the whole story.  I just didn’t.  I’m sorry.”  He hugged her loosely.  “I need to see my girl,” he whispered into her hair.  

“You go.  I’ll wait out here.”

Jensen ran back into his trailer.  

“Hey-”

“Jensen. Shh.  She’s asleep.”

_______

When YN woke up, she was leaning on Danneel in her dad’s trailer. She shifted and caught Danneel’s attention.

“Hey, pretty girl,” Danneel whispered.

“Hi. What happened?” YN rubbed her left eye.

“You had a panic attack.”

YN sat up and saw her leg and felt her face.

“What…?” She trailed off and rubbed her hand down her leg toward the bloodstained skin.

“Don’t, sweetheart. You got yourself pretty good. I’ll help you clean it up now that you’re awake, okay?” Danneel had a first aid kit ready to go. She had YN lie down on the couch so that her left leg was facing out toward the older female. As Danneel cleaned up her wound, she told YN what had happened and why, staying calm so that a panic attack wouldn’t occur again.

“I’m so sorry,”  YN yelled when Danneel used an alcohol wipe on the edges of YN’s wound.

“No worries at all.” Danneel reassured YN as the youngest Ackles winced. “Sorry, sweetie. I have to disinfect it. Your dad said you’ve never done that before.” Danneel looked up at YN, prompting her to explain.

“I have, actually.”  YN admitted, frowning with sad eyes.

“Really? You should tell your da-“

“No. He has been through enough. He doesn’t need to see me upset over my mom being gone. It’s still fresh to me even though it’s been a few years.”  YN begged her.

“You have to. I’m not saying that to be mean, but you never know how it could help him if you’re honest.  You telling him might actually be a good thing.  Please just think about it.” YN shut her eyes tightly as the older female put large bandaids over the would.  “Okay, all done.”  She smiled and stood up from her kneeling position on the floor and throwing away the trash.

“Thanks,” YN said gratefully.

“I lost someone unexpectedly, you know.”  Danneel opened up.  

“Really?” YN sat up to make room for Danneel on the couch.

“Yes. My best friend. She got hit by a drunk driver.” Danneel sat down.

YN took her hand without making eye contact, just listening.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I miss her every day. We had a lot in common, and she supported my crazy dreams when no one else would.”

“Sounds like my mom.” YN grinned.  

“I'm so glad you loved her so much.” Danneel squeezed her hand. “I’m not her. I know that. But give me a chance?”

“It’s not easy.”

“I’m sure it’s not.”

“Okay, but not too fast.” YN smiles softly.

_______

“Hey, sweetheart.  You okay?”  Jensen stepped into his trailer when his day was over.  His daughter smiled tiredly. “Thank you, Dee, for hanging out with her today.”  Jensen looked from YN to his girlfriend in gratefulness.  

“I’m okay, Daddy.  I want to go home, please.”  YN asked.  “Thank you so much, Danneel.”  She untangled herself from Danneel’s side and stood up.  

“You okay?  Steady on your feet?”  Jensen walked over to her.  

“I’m okay.”  YN attempted to retrieve her backpack when Jensen stepped in to get it for her.  

“You don’t need something this heavy.  Let’s get you home.”  

______

“Baby, we’re back.”  Jensen nudged his daughter when their van pulled up to the apartment building.  He guided her up an elevator and through the halls.  Once they walked through the door, he dropped her backpack and guided her to her room.  

“Sit down and change your clothes, okay?”  He handed her a tshirt and gym shorts from her drawer.  “When you’re done I’ll come get you.”  

“Daddy!”  YN yelled for Jensen.  He ran into her room.  “My face!” She held a makeup mirror up to her face.  He hurriedly sat on her bed next to her.  

“I know, I know,” he soothed.  “It will heal, I promise.”  

She closed the mirror forcefully and threw it across the room.  It hit the wall, and her compact powder became a cloud that descended onto her floor.  YN clung to her dad and cried hail-sized tears into his shoulder.  Jensen held her tightly with one hand and rubbed her back with the other.  When his daughter calmed down, YN leaned away from him.  

“I- I don’t know what happened, I just freaked out.  Now my face is all messed up!”  YN elevated her voice.  She tried to stand up and exit, but she lost her balance and landed on the floor.  Her dad rushed to her side, but YN pushed him away. “No!”  Jensen scooted back on instinct.  

“Okay, I’m sorry.  What would help you right now?”  He noticed her behavior and concluded she was going into another panic attack.  Jensen angled his body so that he was not touching her at all.  

“Just- I don’t know!”  Her eyes were full of tears, and her internal dialogue would not turn off.  

“How about I just sit here?” He leaned back even more to show her that he wasn’t going anywhere, but he would also respect what she wanted.  Through sobs she nodded.  In his seated position on the floor, he reached for her favorite blanket and pillow.  Laying them next to her, he waited.  As she gained control of her body again, she took both in her arms and rocked back and forth.  Jensen saw her muscles relax, but her worries weren’t quieted yet.  YN started scratching her leg again.

“No!”  Jensen flew across her body to stop her.  “It’s okay, you don’t need to do that.  Here,” he offered his arm to her and paralleled it with her leg.  YN dug her nails into his forearm.  Jensen bit down as her nails dug into his skin, and tried not to make a sound, but a whimper passed his lips. The noise caught her attention through all of the stimulation.  She saw the pain on his face and froze.  Blankly, she sat on the floor without any movement until she organized her thoughts.  Jensen didn’t move either, wanting to remain calm.  He waited.  “Are you good?”  He asked softly.  She nodded, not trusting her words.  “Can I hug you now?”  YN nodded again slowly while staring at the wall.  Jensen made his legs into a ‘v’ shape an pulled her into him.  Then he laid the blanket over both of them and swayed both of their bodies back and forth from side to side.  He continued wordlessly soothing her until she spoke.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, YN.”

“I can’t.”  YN stated, emotionless.

“You can’t what?”  Jensen kissed the side of her head.

“I can’t keep doing this, Dad.  I need to tell-”  YN abruptly hiccupped in into a violent cry.  

“You need to tell me what?”  Jensen used his fingertips to float over her shoulders, a technique he had used since she was a baby.  When she could speak again, she finished.

“This happened before.   I didn’t want to tell you, but I felt so bad about Mom and what we’ve been through.  You were doing so good, and I just couldn’t do it.”  

“You can always tell me!  Always.  Don’t worry about me.  I’ve got a built-in psychologist named Jared Padalecki.” He smiled.  She giggled at the thought of her uncle.  “Promise me.  Promise me that you’ll tell me if you feel like this.  It’s hard.  It’s so hard, I’m sure.  Your mom will always be your mom.  I will stop dating Danneel.  It’s over, okay?  You first, always.”  

“No, Dad.  You will definitely not do that.  I’ll be fine.  The attacks have happened before Danneel.  I just didn’t tell you.  I’ll be okay.”

“Fine, but only if you promise to tell me when you don’t feel good.  Deal?”  He made eye contact, and she sighed in relief, relaxing into his chest.    

“Deal.” 

A Family Attitude Series

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