#mlabout

[measuringlife]

Measuring Me: 36 for 36

Here 36 things about me to celebrate my 36th Birthday today!

My first CD was Hootie and the Blowfish’s Cracked Rear View which was released 25 years ago

I owned a beeper in 8th grade its number was KEG-CAKE

There is no video footage of me before age 5

Pluto was still a planet when I was a kid

I wouldn’t have been able to navigate my college town without print outs of Mapquest maps

My first concert was Debbie Gibson in 2nd grade

I miss Dunkaroos

I was a Kraft Cheese and Macaroni kid, Easy Mac didn’t come out until I started college and it’s far inferior

Muppet Babies on Saturday mornings was the best

I remember when all of Long Island had a 516 area code

I spent too much time freshman year of college playing Snood

I took a keyboarding class, in high school

I remember the thrill of upgrading my boom box to a three cd changer

I saw Home Alone in the movie theaters

Aladdin was the first movie I saw in theaters twice

Between my cds and iTunes my music collection is one of the most expensive things I own

I remember being so happy when Discmans came with an anti-skip feature so my cd wouldn’t skip when hitting a pothole while riding the bus to school

I played Snake in my Nokia phone with interchange faceplates

My first ringtone song was Ice Ice Baby on that Nokia

I remember when remote controls weren’t remote then were attached by a cord to the tv, a clicker would be a more accurate name for it

The MTV VMAs used to be such an event

My afternoons in high school centered around watching Total Request Live (TRL) and I was on it twice!

The first song I drove to alone in the car was Jumpin’ Jumpin’ by Destiny’s Child

I started blogging in 2004 for a class and then been writing various blogs ever since

I joined Facebook my senior year of college in November 2004

AIM away messages were an art form I used to obsess over

I have been putting highlights and color in my hair since at least 1995

I have kept written journals since January 1, 1997

I was 3 weeks into my first year of college when 9/11 happened

I was 24 when my Dad died, so at this point, he was only alive for 2/3 of my life thus far

I remember the moment I took the cord from my tape to cd converter from my Discman and put it in my first iPod back in 2004. It was magic and listening to music in my car had forever been changed

My first car had a 5 cd-changer, in the trunk. So you had to choose wisely on those road trips!

I had cd holder visors on both the driver and passenger side in addition to huge albums all sorted methodically

I saw Rent on Broadway 13 times, including twice in 1 day

I have always hated people singing Happy Birthday to me and used to run screaming as a child

I was born on a Thursday at 4:58PM which I think adds to my love of Thursdays

[heartfairy]

mobile about

💌 hiii I’m marie-laurence

💌 but everyone calls me ml!

💌 27, queer (still figuring out my sexuality), demi-girl/nonbinary (they/them moon/moons pls don’t use she/her on me unless I say u can)

💌 I experience a lot of comphet. just a heads up. I am genuinely confused most of the time but pls don’t come in my ask and invalidate me. your ask will be deleted or if I feel like giving a haters attention I will reply to it.

💌 this is kinda going to be a faq kind of thing but this is lowkey a warning, if you invalidate my sexuality or my gender… you have a death wish.

💌 sun: taurus, moon: cancer, rising: cancer

💌 autistic and I also have adhd, have anxiety and depression.

💌 white

💌 from belgium!

💌 namjoon biased, the platonic love of my life

💌 my special interests atm : bts (especially joon), loona, andrew garfield (esp tasm!peter parker), anakin skywalker, logan howlett (wolverine), vi (arcane. tbh just arcane in general), spiderman 2099 (miguel o’hara), steve harrington (stranger things), zuko (from atla), acnh (esp kiki), pedro pascal & hugh jackman characters, moons, astrology, koya, mew (pokemon), uh that’s about it I think or that’s all I can come up with atm.

💌 I do not care for making a new side blog for every interest I have so ! if you don’t mind having random stuff on your dash, hello!

💌 tri-lingual: dutch, french, english

💌 I love girls so much.

💌 obsessed with fictional characters don’t mind me

💌 don’t be afraid to call me out when I fuck up, but please be nice or at least respectful unless I’m really ignorant and don’t want to apologise or see my mistakes which is kinda unlikely but yeah

💌 tag me in: namjoon, jinsoul, yves, kim lip, arcane (vi esp), tasm!peter parker / spiderman 2099 , hugh jackman (characters and the actor) , anakin skywalker and pedro pascal posts

💌 my carrd is here

💌 my side blogs are: @eunhoia (mainly aes) + @heartsapphic (nsfw blog) + @4anakin (fic recs side blog + other random stuff) + @healmydesires (fic writing blog)

💌 if you've read this far, thank you <3 for caring or at least taking interest in the person behind this blog. I wish and hope you have a lovely day mwah 😚

[measuringlife]

Measuring Me: A Brief History of Measuring Life

This past week was my Measuring Life Instagram 1 year anniversary! This past week was also the 9 year anniversary of my Measuring Life Tumblr account. I had started Measuring Life in January 2010 on Blogspot, but then quickly found the “fitblr” community on Tumblr so I decided to most all the posts from my first few months.

When I created my Blogspot I was doing it JUST for me, as a place to track my progress in a “public” way, however, I didn’t tell anyone about the page. Through some friends who were on a more public health and fitness journey in early 2010 I learned about the fitblr community on Tumblr. 2009-2011 were really the heyday of the fitblr community. Through Tumblr I was lead to tons of super useful resources related to fitness and nutrition and also learned about the posting culture like Transformation Tuesday, Weigh in Wednesday, Face to Face Friday and more. I was also introduced to things like Non-Scale Victories (NSV) or terms like Fitspo (fitness inspiration).

It was through Tumblr that I realized the power of community and what important piece of the weight loss/fitness puzzle that community was. Not only did I have a place of accountability, but I had people rooting for me and I was rooting for other people. Almost all of my Tumblr friends were people I didn’t know in real life and I found some “safety” in that. These fitblr strangers quickly became friends and over the years I’ve built real friends with them IRL (in real life). Most notably running a Ragnar with fitblr friends, multiple NYC and DC meal meet-ups, and attending the wedding in Chicago of a friend I met through Tumblr.

However early into my Tumblr journey I still didn’t post pictures of my face and kept my blog fairly anonymous. Looking back I was afraid of people judged and afraid of failing. I think that is largely why I didn’t tell my IRL friends about my Tumblr. People could SEE that I was losing weight, so I don’t know why I was so ashamed (?) about owning the fact that I was trying to get in better shape and healthier. Ashamed sounds harsh, but at the same time, I think it was accurate. I tried to wear my weight confidently although I definitely had low self-esteem and body image issues. Looking back now, I think perhaps had I publicly announced my weight loss journey it would have felt to me like I was declaring that I wasn’t happy with my body - which was true - but it would have made my already fragile self feel too damn vulnerable.  

There were times over the years that I thought about sharing my Tumblr with people, however, as most weight loss and fitness journeys go the past 9 years have been filled with two steps forward and one step back as well as falling off the wagon and getting back on time and time again. I think every time I was feeling good and ready to share my journey I’d lose momentum and then didn’t feel confident enough to share my Tumblr.

Last year at the start of 2018 I got recommitted to my weight loss and fitness journey. I took weight watchers tracking seriously, I made it a point to work out 5x a week, take vitamins and more. 5 months into this chapter, May of last year, I was feeling really good about my progress and in an act of 1AM clarity, I decided to make an Instagram and Facebook page for Measuring Life. Tumblr is sadly a shell of its former self and I knew that I needed a community of support to help me stay motivated. I had followed a number of weight loss/fitness Instagram accounts and already had a personal account since 2013 so I knew that was what I wanted as my main platform. However, I also know that if I ever want to monetize Measuring Life in some way that I should grab all the social media handles and buy a website domain. So last May I did just that.

It took sometime before I started personally inviting some IRL friends to my Measuring Life accounts. The response I got from those friends was so lovely and supportive. I had been working with my friend A on a logo for a couple of months in 2018 and I was ready to debut it once 2019 rolled in. January 2019 was also when I posted on my personal Instagram about my Measuring Life account. My Facebook page still feels too public, whereas people I am actually friends with follow my personal Instagram account. However, I hope to continue to put myself out there and share Measuring Life with more people. One of my bestie C started a fertility journey/new motherhood blog that she has been share more and more widely, I’m definitely inspired by her willingness to put it out there and “let it all hang out!”

Where Measuring Life goes is still to be seen. Nothing about my journey has been an “overnight transformation” which is what the internet loves. I’ve been slow and unsteady for years upon years. Plus for me Measuring Life isn’t just about my weight and fitness, it’s about my mental health, my relationships, my financial journey, and more. So needless to say my “brand is diluted,” which can be problematic. However, I still come back to the quote from Tom Rath, “if you measure it, you can manage it.” I think that’s the real point of Measuring Life. If you don’t know what you are working it and track the trajectory, then there is no way to change anything aside from dumb luck.

So here’s to another year of Measuring Life, looking forward to the next chapter. If you think someone can be inspired or motivated by my journey please feel free to share my account, like I said community is key when it comes to my success patterns and I believe that’s true for most of us. I’m here to follow and cheer you on right back!

[measuringlife]

Measuring Me: Weighty Issues

Weight is such an interesting thing. As someone who weighed upwards of 225 pounds at one point in my life, there was something so magical about reaching a healthy BMI. I remember in like 7th grade stepping on a scale in a store and it read 175, I had no idea what that meant. Well aside from always getting a lecture at the pediatrician about my weight, cholesterol, other blood work. AKA more things that I had no real idea about. It wasn’t until my 2010 weight loss journey at age 26 that I started to learn.

For so long I fantasized about reaching 169 pounds, that was 24.9 on the BMI scale which was the very top of the healthy range. I got as close as 174 back in 2010 and 2012. My body seemed to really like being 190 for years. Which I accepted, somehow finding “comfort” that “at least it was 200 pounds.

Last summer I finally saw the 170s after 6 months of being back on Weight Watchers and a solid fitness routine. Earlier this year I saw the 160s for the first time ever. I hit my goal of 169 prior to my March 31 “deadline.” It’s funny how the numbers really don’t tell the whole story. I thought I’d look like a different person at 169 pounds, but I don’t I’m still me albeit leaner. Seeing 169 didn’t flip a switch it’s been all the habit changes that have changed me. I carry myself differently, I dress a little differently, I’m more toned, I find other things to occupy myself besides food. Although I hit this goal weight, it’s not my goal body yet. I’m not quite sure what that body will look like, but I know how hard I’m working and how strong I am and how much stronger I am capable of getting.

At 5’9.5 inches tall the internet tells me the low 150s is an ideal weight for me. So I’ve sort of settled on a new target weight - which I like better than goal weight, but a target can be changed. My new target weight is 154 pounds. This would mean I would have lost exactly 50 pounds since first joining Weight Watchers in February 2017 and 42.5 pounds since I fully committed to this journey on December 28, 2017. Overall that will have me a 68.8 pounds lost since I started Measuring Life in January 2010. 70 pounds lost feels INSANE, like unimaginable, but as of today I’m 166.6 pounds which means I’m down 56 pounds overall!

I often think about meeting my friend KO back in fall 2010 early into my journey and running career. I was introduced to this tall thin blonde woman who I was told is also a runner - in fact, she was training for a marathon at the time. I remember thinking oh great I have to share running stats with this skinny lean chick who could run circles around me. I later learned KO had lost 100 pounds years before I met her. Looking back I hated myself for judging her, but I smile at thinking well that’s gotta be an NSV right there - someone envying your body and ability at first glance.

I look forward to the people in my life “who couldn’t imagine me at 200+ pounds,” but I also greatly appreciate the support I’ve received along the way on this journey. Once I hit whatever weight, the real test will be maintaining it. Very curious about that leg of things, however I know I’ve learned so much about nutrition and fitness over the years. I have lost this weight (and gained it back sometimes to lost it again) slowly over time, so I feel more confident about keeping it off forever.

[measuringlife]

Measuring Me: Goal Setting

For as long as I can remember I’ve been a goal oriented person. However it wasn’t until last year when I was working with my life coach that I got into the habit of writing and reflecting on them. We had weekly and daily goal exercises, I’ve maintained the weekly goal setting and reflection practice. The great thing about writing and record your goals is that you can go back to read them! So here’s a look at my very first weekly goal writing session on July 1, 2018, prompts in bold and my reflection a year later in italics. 

Make a list of 10-15 goals you would like to achieve THIS WEEK. Make them positive, present tense, and specific. Remember these are goals for the week, not months from now. So think of these as the smallest action steps that will drive you FORWARD the quickest. This is about setting yourself up for a win. 1. Log my overtime work hours to prepare to present to my boss at the end of peak season - DID, having comp time in the fall helped me make myself, my goals, Measuring Life a priority 2. Add google analytics to my website - DID 3. Categorize tumblr blog posts - DID 4. Work out at least 4 times - Likely Did, still track workouts 5. Share my blog/instagram with 2 more people I know in real life - DID, still continue to share 6. Check in with my graphic designer friend regarding my new logo/visual brand - DID, launched the logo on NYE 7. Pick up new chromebook - DID, having a computer that isn’t my “work” computer has also helped give me separation 8. Buy and set paper planner and set up a google calendar for my personal life/side hustle - DID, this was a game changer more on that below 9. Buy a bulletin board, note books, office supplies for home office - DID, however only used the home office for a few months since we started using the guest room for AirBNB in October 10. Post 1 video of me on Measuring Life accounts - Did it in August, I post video on occasion, but despite my broadcast journalism degree I prefer writing when it comes to being vulnerable 11. Listen to at least 2 of Dan's podcast episodes - DID, still keeping current on his podcasts and other social media channels for continued inspiration and motivation 12. Rewatch the portion of last week's bonus call where I had my talk time with Dan - DID, watching myself dig and be vulnerable on a video call was odd, but also beautiful. I’ve re-watched a few recording video calls where I’ve gotten emotional and I learned to give myself some grace and understand that change happens when you stop doing the things you’ve always done - in my case being extremely guarded and private 13. Journal at least 3 times this week - Likely Did, I try and write in my paper journal weekly, but such is life sometimes it more often or less often, but there hasn’t been too much of a lapse between writing since I got back to my journaling practice

Which is the one goal that will help all of the others happen? Buy and set paper planner and set up a google calendar for my personal life/side hustle.

For too long I relied on my work outlook calendar to keep all my things, but I really need to separate work from home. As a long time paper journal person, I’ve come to find my paper planner as another type of journal, especially after I made the switch to a passion planner in January 2019. I still can’t get into google calendar, but I use google docs to track all my side hustles (pet sitting, AirBNB, fitness instructor) including dates and income generation to keep everything in order, but also to keep a catalog/record. 

What has to happen for these goals to be done? I need to make the time to get to the stores to pick up/purchase items. I need to make the time to set up a calendar as well as have focused time in my office to do so. 

Making time was the key, which really means making me a priority. I tend to make everything else a priority, work, other people, social media, television, etc. I still have to actively choose my goals and dreams when it comes to my time. My people pleasing/fixer tendencies will always be there, but for me the awareness is key.

Why are these goals so important to you? I want a public medium to share my story of trauma, failures, successes and connect with others with similar stories. I felt so much shame and isolation over the years for just being me and I'm learning how to break through that and I think the sooner people can push through the shame and isolation the better for them and for all. 

This is still true, I came into this my coaching program at a crossroads and a place of self-loathing. I’ve learned to love myself including all my flaws and defects of character (a line from my 12 step program). I still want to share what I’ve overcome, but now I’m more focused on the present and the future. Living in the present isn’t always something I’m very good at, but I’m trying to live less and less in the past. 

What would you gain by achieving these goals? I would be vulnerable, but living authentically and building connections with people - both the people I know, think I know, or have yet to know. 

This has been one of the highlights of the past year, developing deeper relationships with people and meeting new people who I have connected with on a deep level. I’ve also started to let go of the relationships that are no longer serving me.

What risks will you have to take by achieving these goals? Being vulnerable and open to judgment. Reducing my day job hours/stress levels. 

I did these things and no one died! If people are judging me that’s fine, but it hasn’t been something I’ve seen or heard and honestly at this point if I did read or hear something negative I know I’d be okay because I have enough people lifting me up. When it comes to work, the work never ends. It’s about priorities and focus. I know I’ve set more attainable work goals as opposed to pushing myself harder than what is expected which has been a previous pattern. I take my lunch hour, I leave at 5 unless there is a meeting or program that requires me to stay. I’ve taken my sick and vacation days on top of comp time. 

What will get in the way of these goals? Procrastination or trying to do too much too soon and therefore getting overwhelmed. Not managing my time or wasting time.

THIS, this still gets in my way. I am way more aware, but I still love the rush that comes with procrastination or being too ambitious. 

Why haven't you achieved these goals already? What stopped you before? Time - I tend to run full speed ahead doing 10,000 things at once and burning the candle at both ends or I'm laaaaaaaaaaazy and have the motivation to do anything. 

This is tied to the last one, I am still very much an all or nothing kind of person. My planner helps me see this a bit more, so I actually try to schedule in “nothing” time. Ultimately I aim for more balance and alignment in a week, but more likely than not in any given month I have 3 crazy busy weeks and then a really chill low key week. I’ve learned not to feel guilty for “lazy bones” weekends as I’ve called them.  

What will you do differently now? Since last September I began managing my time better: actually taking my 1 hour lunch break to workout/walk/meet someone for lunch, setting a Fitbit alarm at 4:40pm each work day so I could wind down for the day and actually leave the office at 5pm. I packed my gym clothes the night before and changed before leaving work so I could go right from the office to the gym. I really found my stride in doing this from January 2018-mid June 2018. Currently in my intense peak work season, but want to quickly get back on track as soon as mid-July gets here. 

Yes, all of these things I’ve kept up with these good habits and thankfully after my peak summer season last year I was able to get back on track. I’m looking forward to getting back on track after this summer’s peak season. 

Is there anything I can do now to make achieving these goals easier?  The biggest thing in my control is sleeping. I can't function off 5 hours of actual sleep and since I currently need to be up at 5:30am most days I need to make sure I'm in bed by 10pm. I also need to continue to journal/blog to stay accountable. 

Sleep hygiene has been such a priority for me this year. Starting in September I began charging my phone away from my bed. I first started charging it in another room - where I could still hear the alarm, but as I got better about not “needing” the phone next to the bed I now charge it across the bedroom, but still not next to the bed. I also keep it face down so I don’t see the screen light up from the bed. I strive for 8 hours of sleep each night, however, in January I stopped wearing my Fitbit to track my sleep because I found the data to no longer be helpful. I often would wake up feeling refreshed, but if the fitbit data didn’t back it up then I’d mentally feel less refreshed. As mentioned personal accountability also is really important for my goal setting and self-care. Writing my weekly goals and reflecting on them each week, managing my time with a paper planner, weigh-ins/measurements, budgeting and finances, etc all of this has made a huge difference and my momentum is only growing. 

I am thankful to be where I am today and excited to see where I’ll be a year from now!

[measuringlife]

Measuring Me: Intimidation

For a long time, I was quite proud that people found me “intimidating.” In fact, I embraced and really leaned into it. I used my 5’9.5” height, my New York pace, Long Island accent, and direct nature to my advantage, or so I thought. I liked my walls, they kept me safe and reduced the chances of getting hurt more than I already was.  

This really was the case during the years I lived in Texas and Alabama between the ages of  23-28. To most folks I worked with/socialized with/interacted it I was “unique” - I freaking loathe that word, yet it was one that people always said about me. In those southern passive-aggressive ways, it was clearly made known to me that I was an “other” and that I didn’t “fit in.” So instead of trying to fit or get rejected by people I intentionally rubbed against the grain. One of my favorite acts of defiance was when I dyed my hair black and had purple and blue streaks in it. It was really pretty I must say, but not a hair choice often made in eastern Alabama. I gotta say may local hairdresser did love the opportunity to “play.”

I knew that getting some people to like me would be hard and out of my control, but what was in my control was to intimidate people. If I couldn’t get you to like me I could get you to fear me, it seemed like a safer bet. Some of my go-to trauma response is to control situations, or in this case, control the narrative. I’d rather tell myself my social life or love life wasn’t blossoming in the south because I was intimidating. While at the same time keeping people at arm’s length which was also a favorite pastime - and one I still sometimes struggle with at times.

I did enjoy my time in Alabama, but socially there was a lot to be desired. Thankfully I found some other “misfits” in the form of my improv comedy group “What the Fox?!”. We were quite a motley crew, some of our members were makeup artists, tattoo artists, English professors, newspaper journalists and more. These friends led me to other professor and photographer friends who made my remaining time in Alabama enjoyable and I still love keeping up with them and the fabulous twists and turns of their lives. These were the people that let me be my true self. Improv comedy is based in truth and rawness, bullshitting isn’t going to work. I think a big part of my self-acceptance came from the acceptance I found in this group after feeling like such a lone ranger or odd duck for so many years.

I know regardless of my intention some people will find me intimidating. I’m tall, loud, confident and driven, but I’m not making any apologies for it. What I do try to do is break the ice, be the person who introduces myself with a smile first, sets up a coffee break with someone at work. I do wish I could come off as more approachable, but I think if someone is going to let my Long Island accent and bold earring choices intimidate them then that’s their own issue. I’ve been striving to be authentic my whole life and I feel like I’m finally getting close. I am a strong successful woman who also values relationships - both new and old, - who enjoys expressing myself creatively as much as possible, especially through my earrings or hair color!

[measuringlife]

Okay this isn’t 100% true, but let’s talks boobs for a minute. . I think regardless of my weight I’m genetically predisposed to bigger boobs, but that coupled with the rate in which they grew left me with me stretched out skin, even in my teens and 20s. I was never without a bra except to sleep. I HATED how saggy my boobs were. . I thought about getting a breast lift numerous times, but considering how many people I have lost to surgery complications, I am not going to have elective surgery. . I always knew there were exercise that could help perk up my boobs, but never fully explored them. Well apparently the chest exercises in BodyPump do the trick! I took off my bra yesterday after the gym and I was like HELLO perky boobs. Post sports bra boobs are ALWAYS my best boobs, but even this morning after being bra-less they looked good. . Talk about a NSV!!

[measuringlife]

Sunday secret time! These shorts sent me to the emergency room. Let me explain. . In grad school I spent summer 2006 interning and needed to wear a uniform including these shorts which my employer was going to order for us from J. Crew. I never wore J. Crew before this and I didn’t have a chance to try a pair in stores before telling them my size to order. . At the time I was in a size 16, I would have probably ordered an 18 to be safe, but 16 was as high as they went so I ordered them. My internship was in Alabama, land of fried foods and sweet drinks which I indulged in for the 10 weeks I was interning. Around week 8 I noticed a large red bump with red around it under my belly fold and it was an angry red bump. . Being far from home I went with a friend to the emergency room out of an abundance of caution. The doctor and I eventually determined the bump was a result of my belt which was getting too tight and was pitching my skin via the belt loops of these shorts. I was mortified to realize this was what happened. I was exempt from wearing a belt the last 2 weeks. . Turns out I ended up getting a full time job where I interned two years later. Thankfully soon after I started my weight loss journey and got to wear size 14 and then 12 from J. Crew. . As I was going through clothes to sell/donate I came across these size 16s and thought I bet I could fit an arm in with me. I was shocked when I realized I could squeeze both arms in with me now. I definitely remember being squeezed into these shorts back then too. My weight loss journey has been full of ups and downs, but I’m so encouraged about where I am and I’m ready to donate the clothes that no longer fit, I don’t need to keep them around “just in case.” I’m determined to not ever go back! .

[measuringlife]

My world changed 11 years ago today when this little nugget came into my life. Freddie I love you with my whole heart, thank you for always being by my side through thick and thin! .

[measuringlife]

Measuring Monday: Full House

While in San Francisco over the weekend I FINALLY got to visit the Painted Ladies, Alamo Square Park, and the Full House house. People were surprised to learn I had never been to San Fran before, some friends were like are you sure, I thought I’ve seen pictures of you there?! I have been tagged in SF pictures many times over, but that’s because so many friends have tagged me in pictures of the Painted Ladies over the years because of my reputation for being a Full House superfan.

I was particularly known for my love of Full House in college. When I was a head orientation leader I was able to name my own group. Each year orientation had a theme and the orientation groups had names that related to the theme as opposed to group numbers. My senior year we had a music/bands theme and as a head leader I chose “Jesse and the Rippers” as my group name! That summer my bestie S got me an “I heart Uncle Jesse” t-shirt which has a crudely “photoshopped” picture of John Stamos in the heart. You have to recall this was 2004 and buying things on the internet and photoshop weren’t really common. I cried when I got it. Later that summer a gift I got from the orientation team was a Uncle Jesse doll that they bought off of E-Bay. I still wear the shirt from time to time and the Uncle Jesse doll is currently on display in my living room.

I remember watching Full House from when I was a little kid on TGIF and then when it moved to Tuesdays. The first Tuesday episode was when Stephanie was a pitcher on a little league baseball team and liked a boy named Brett on the other team who wanted her to pitch easy to him so he’s score and impress his Dad. He even drew a heart with her initials in it on his bat. Not even a top 20 favorite episode, but I know them all. My favorite episode is season 4 episode one, Greek Week when Uncle Jesse’s family comes to visit from Greece. So many hilarious moments and lines, but DJ getting married by walking around the kitchen table 3 times and Danny being horrified is everything. I also love DJ’s 13th birthday episode or when Stephanie and DJ punch a hole in Danny’s bedroom as well as the well-known episodes of when Stephanie drives the car through the kitchen or DJ and Kimmy go to junior high and experiment with makeup and clothes. It goes without saying I also love ANY and EVERY episode that features Uncle Jesse singing.

I remember being so sad when it was suddenly cancelled without much warning. Thankfully it’s been in syndication before it even went off the air. I have the entire series on DVD, I got them as each of them were released back in the early 2000s. Now I have them at my fingertips through streaming services and don’t even get me started on Fuller House which I also adore.

I love the wholesome cheesiness of Full House. Full House was my escape as a child. Now it also makes me back to a more innocent time. The character I most identified with was DJ, classic oldest child over-achiever who was trying to navigate puberty. I am clearly had (and still do) a crush on Uncle Jesse.  Full House was generally upbeat, but the premise is about a young family who is rocked by the tragedy of losing the mother in a car accident. Moments throughout the series is tinged with the reality of that los, but generally it was not spoken about. However maybe as a child growing up in a dysfunctional family watching the show I was more aware of the what was unsaid or unspoken since I was all too familiar with the reality of loud silences. I also observe the same thing while watching Fuller House where DJ’s husband died as a firefighter as she leans on Stephanie and Kimmy to raise her 3 boys.

The Full House house set is epic. I loved all the staircases and that swinging kitchen door. The room DJ and Stephanie shared, especially in early seasons that decor was so perfectly 80s. I always loved the Full House kitchen, but in Fuller House it was updated and wow! That kitchen is my dream kitchen from the layout to all the entrances and exits.

Getting to see the Painted Ladies from Alamo Square Park where the Tanner family picnics in the opening credits was surreal. We also went about 1.5 miles away to Broderick Street to see the house used as the Tanner family house in the exterior shots. Sadly it was under renovation and mostly tented, but the house next door was essentially it’s twin so I felt good about it. I’m so glad I was able to mark this off my bucket list!

[measuringlife]

Measuring Monday: 40 Days and 40 Nights

*Didn’t get around to writing yesterday so here you go!

I am someone who is pro-new year’s resolutions, but I know not everyone is. I also love changes of season, new academic semesters, a new week, and birthdays for chances to reset. However, one of my very favorite times to implement a change is during Lent. For those of you not familiar Lent according to Wikipedia is “a solemn religious observance in the Christian liturgical calendar that begins on Ash Wednesday and ends approximately six weeks later, before Easter Sunday. The purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer for Easter through prayer, doing penance, repentance of sins, almsgiving, and self-denial.”

Growing up Catholic during Lent people were encouraged to “give up” something as a sacrifice. I’m sure I gave up plenty of things, but I specifically remember giving up french fries one year as a kid. Despite moving away from the Catholic religion, I still think using the 40 days of Lent as a way to change habits is a cool concept - especially since it always happens as Spring is approaching. One year a few years into working full-time  I did give up “snoozing” my alarm clock and boy that was tough.  In recent years I used Lent as a time to add things to my life like holding a plank for X minutes each night, doing push-ups, or in the case of last year getting back to journaling. So perhaps your new year’s resolution stalled out or you didn’t set any, so here’s your chance, Lent starts tomorrow March 6, 2019.

Let’s think about what we can gain. What can you add to your life to make it more satisfying? What new practices would make you happier and feel better? Below is a non-weight loss related list someone shared around the new year and it’s perfectly applicable now. The items in italics are things I have implemented over the years and have come to value. The bold items are some goals for Lent. I want to be more sustainable particularly when it comes to plastic use.

Get more quality sleep

Eat vegetables at every meal

Wash your bed sheets regularly

Meditate

Spend more time outside

Actually eat your fruit before it goes bad

Get back in touch with old friends

Bring your own bags when grocery shopping

Don’t watch tv or use the computer during meals

Support local farms and food producers

Take vitamins

Learn to knit or sew

Stretch and improve your flexibility

Volunteer to register voters

Concentrate on improving your posture

Make doctor and dentist appointments regularly

Cook and prepare lunch instead of relying on processed foods

Replace your toothbrush

Clean your kitchen and dishes after each meal

Stop biting your nails

Compliment someone every day

Regularly donate unworn and ill-fitting clothing to a local shelter

Wear sunscreen every day you’re outside

Clean your pantry and throw out expired food each month

Quit smoking

Explore local museums and parks

Put your laundry away

Get an eye exam and update your prescription

Cut down on the amount of plastic you use each day

Re-try foods that you hate, but haven’t eaten in years

Delete a social media account

Moisturize and remove your makeup before going to bed

Attend town hall meetings

Keep a journal

Floss

Your turn!

[measuringlife]

Measuring Monday: Animal Lover

Inspired by all my pet sitting, here is my free-write about being an animal lover

I just passed my 6-month mark of my pet sitting side hustle. I sit through Rover and now also independently due to repeat clients and referrals. My friend AY(I really have a lot of friends with A names) I think first mentioned Rover to me because she asked me to watch her senior pup and said something about “usual Rover sitter” or something. So back in the fall I checked in on her little girl, taking her for walks, making sure she had food and water, and also gave her some attention. From there I decided to look into Rover, then set up an account, had some pet owner friends write some references/recommendations for me and then I was off. I think I had the profile up for like a week or so before I got my first request. I set up a meet and greet with the owner and pets and then I was off to the races! I have to say I have bonded with 90% of clients and genuinely get sad to say goodbye to them. Thankfully most of my clients are repeat clients so I get to build a great relationship with these pets. I sit mostly for dogs or dog owners who also have a cat, however lately I’ve had a few cat only clients and they’ve all been great too.

Pet sitting has proven to be a lucrative side hustle. As a high strung dog mom I get it, Freddie is old, extremely particular, and is now on 4 different pills a day taken at 3 different intervals. The whole pet market has exploded thanks to Millenials who are opting for pets over children like me. People want the best for their family and Freddie is my family and 90% of the pets I sit for rule the roost much like Fred. I get satisfaction both in spending the time with the animals, but also knowing that I am giving comfort and peace of mind to the owner.

I do have to say I’m still surprised that I am such a good dog mom/pet lover because I certainly grew up in a home where pets were things, not family members. I won’t say the animals in my home were neglected, but they were not given a life that I would want any animal I own to have. They were often in crates or tied up, not groomed often, or taken to the vet regularly. I remember as a child feeling very torn about how to treat the animals. I wanted nothing more than to have a dog sleep in my bed, but my mother wouldn’t have it. I wanted to take the dogs out for walks, but my mom didn’t want me outside by myself with them. So when it came down to it, at the time the pets weren’t worth causing drama with my mom.

I’ve had my childhood pets on my mind and in my heart lately, especially when I see how I am so capable of loving all dogs and cats - as much as Freddie is the chosen one, I also sort of thought maybe I only loved him so hard because I got him when I was so young and so soon after my dad died, but I see how I am capable of loving animals period. In my Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meeting last week, during my share I had planned to talk about what I just wrote, but in that moment I also made the connection that as a child I could recognize the poor care or lack of care our pets got, especially our two little girl dogs, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized that our two girl dogs were living a parallel life to my sister and me. As a child I saw the dogs weren’t cared for properly, but I wasn’t able to recognize that my sister and I weren’t cared for properly either. That was a huge A-HA moment and will hopefully help me push through continued denial or minimizing of how I grew up.

My sister and I at least got out of my mom’s house unlike those pets who all lived extremely long lives. Skippy, a miniature poodle, my parents got before I was born and he died when I was in 3rd grade lived to be 17.  Our cat, Amber, who we got a year or so after Skippy died lived to be like 21. When I got a little older we got two Maltese, Molly and a year later we got Beeper. They lived to be ~16 and ~13 respectively. I gotta tell you if nothing else, growing up like we all did in that house did anything for us,  it made us resilient AF. These pets also learned to thrive in adversity. I hope to see these childhood pets across the rainbow bridge one day and we can have a good hug and cry together. Until then I will love and cherish any and all animals in my care.

[measuringlife]

Measuring Monday: Personality Assessments

This is my way overdue Measuring Monday free-write that I mostly wrote two weeks ago, but never got posted about personality assessments. 

I plan to publish a second post this afternoon to get back on schedule!

I have always loved Astrology along with personality assessments and inventories. Perhaps it’s because I have so much personality that I try to get a grip on it. Here’s an overview of my personality:

Astrology: Leo (Creative, Passionate, Generous, Warm-Hearted, Cheerful, Humorous

Myers-Briggs: ENTP (Extraversion, Intuition, Thinking, Perception)

True Colors: Orange (Energetic, Spontaneous, Charismatic)

DiSC: I (Influential)

Enneagram: Type 3 (The Achiever)

One of my favorite assessments is Clifton Strengths. It is framed in the positive focuses on natural talents. There are 34 strengths and they are grouped in 4 domains: Executing, Influencing, Relationship Building, and Strategic Thinking. After someone completes the Strengths assessment you are given your top 5 strengths.

The very first time I took Strengths was in May 2007 right after I finished grad school and a few short weeks before I started my first full time job. My top 5 strengths were:

2007: Communication, Woo, Achiever, Self-Assurance, Ideation.

I took it again in 2013, 2014, and 2018.

2013: Strategic, Achiever, Command, Significance, Woo

2014: Strategic, Achiever, Command, Communication, Significance

2018: Strategic, Futuristic, Ideation, Significance, Command

In all 4 times of taking it, I’ve never had a top 5 strength in the Relationship Building domain and my only executing top 5 strength has been Achiever. Overall some of my very top strengths are in Strategic Thinking, but after paying an additional fee recently to “unlock” my top 34 I found that I “lead” with my Influencing domain. 7 of my top 15 strengths are Influencing and my 8th Influencing strength is my 20th overall. The report revealed that my first Relationship Building strength clocks in at number 14 and is scattered all the way through number 34. Yup number 34 is Harmony which is described as “People exceptionally talented in the Harmony theme look for consensus. They don’t enjoy conflict; rather, they seek areas of agreement.”

However the whole concept of Strengths finder is to focus on the positive so let’s look at how Strategic, Command, and Significance are described since they show shown up each time I’ve taken it in the last few years.

Strategic: People with strong Strategic talents have the ability to sort through the clutter and find the best route. This is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking — a special perspective on the world at large. This outlook allows them to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, they are able to envision alternative scenarios, always asking, ‘What if this happened?’ This recurring question helps them see, plan, and prepare for future situations. They see a way when others assume there is no way. Armed with this strategy, they strike forward.”

Command: “People with strong Command talents naturally take charge. They see what needs to be done, and they are willing to speak up. They are not frightened by confrontation; rather, they understand that confrontation is the first step toward resolution. They need things to be clear among people and will challenge others to be realistic and honest. Their talent pushes them to take risks. At times, those with strong Command talents may intimidate others. And while some may resent this talent, others often willingly hand them the reins. People are drawn toward those who take a stand and are willing to lead.”

Significance: “People with strong Significance talents want others to see their worth. They want to be recognized, heard, and valued. Particularly, they want to be known and appreciated for the unique strengths they bring. They seek to have an impact on people, groups, and society as a whole. They want their contributions viewed as substantial, powerful, and significant. They are motivated by their intense yearning to be recognized, and as a result, they keep reaching. Their Significance theme pulls them upward, away from the mediocre and toward the exceptional.”

Wow if you had to sum me up in 3 paragraphs that is pretty on point. I often feel like I am from outer space because I most rooms I’m in - particularly at work - I see and approach things SO differently than my colleagues. Over the last 18 months I can also clearly see how growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional home formed my personality and given me less conventional strengths.

[measuringlife]

Measuring Monday: Teaching 101

Teaching is my blood, both my parents were teachers and both of my mom’s parents were teachers. Truth be told I never set out to teach in any capacity, but destiny is funny like that.  

I found my way to teaching first in college where I started gravitating towards positions when I could “mentor” underclassman. Actually, that’s not true, I had a brief stint in high school where I taught CCD (Catholic education classes) for a year to first graders with my friend Heather. Nightmare, definitely solidified being a traditional K-12 teacher was not for me! So my college mentor role developed in co-teaching two interdisciplinary classes in grad school, both were highlights, but again I was drawn in through the leadership aspect more than the teaching. Two years later I taught a first-year college seminar, but that was the most “teaching” I did in like 5 years. Granted I was “leading” weekly 3 hour trainings for student leaders during that time, but again I never thought of it as teaching.

Suddenly I found myself at the helm of a whole course with 55+ sections of a first-year college transitions class and almost as many adjunct faculty to wrangle all while teaching a section myself. But it was during this time that I had my first real taste of experiential education, and in this case, it was through outdoor adventure curriculum. The learning that happened outside the class was even more powerful than anything that I could achieve in the classroom. One of my favorite “lessons” was on budgeting and decision making. We assigned students in small groups to meal plan for our trip. Each group probably got 2 meals to do. Each meal had a different amount budgeting to spend, so like breakfast was $4 per person, lunch was $6 per person, and dinner was $8 per person. The groups knew what meals they had to make and they were aware of the budget per person, but the trick was did the count all group members (including trip leaders, which one group forgot). What could they buy that could stretch the money out, what could be cooked with limited supplies on portable gas stoves? Were everyone’s dietary needs considered? Would the food be made at camp or did it need to be portable? So the groups needed to plan, shop and then cook. It was a real-life lesson and part of the well thought out curriculum that was cloaked in food shopping. In some cases they made too much food, others not enough food, went waaay under-budget or needed a last minute change because at the register they were over-budget. The processing the activity can sometimes be the best part.

Anyway, I taught another few years in traditional classroom settings, I even was hired to teach a 3-credit public speaking class, talk about traditional. I was really looking forward to the chance, but when I changed jobs HR needed me to resign my adjunct gig with my full-time gig, so I gave up the class months before it started. I toyed with picking up a first-year seminar class or a communications class at my current school, but for a whole host of reasons I didn’t. Then Urban Hiking found me.

A younger colleague of mine who I was Facebook friends with posted in Fall 2017 about being excited to be a first-time adjunct faculty and teaching an Urban Hiking class. I was excited for her excitement, but I was like Urban Hiking, tell me more. We chatted about it a few times over the course of the semester, I shared with her a bit about my outdoor education background. Well not too long after that she reached out to me letting me know she couldn’t teach in the Spring and wanted to refer me to her department chair. Next thing I knew I was brushing off my resume and interviewing for the gig which I got on the spot!

Teaching Urban Hiking last spring for the first time was a game changer. I was able to teach college students, be outdoors, and exercise. WINNING! This class is for 3 hours on Saturdays for 5 weeks and I was unsure about if it was worth the extra haul into DC. However, it quickly became my favorite part of the week. Not only was the class time itself great, but I loved reading the students reflections about each week’s hike and lesson. The class is designed to take students on various DC trails and introduce necessary hiking skills and concepts to hike for outdoor travel or as a recreational fitness activity. Content covers: fitness for hiking, route planning,  proper clothing and gear, safety concerns, and environmental conditions. I’m currently in my 3rd semester teaching Urban Hiking and it gets better and better. I’ve also spent the past two semesters mentoring the adjuncts who have taught the other second. Yup, the class was so popular that my department added a second section!

Recently I’ve gone and added the layer of Group Fitness Instructing which is such a different vibe. There are participants of all ages and abilities, those who are there to work out hard and those there to be more social. There is a sense of team and community, but also we are individuals all on our own journey, getting unique things from the workout. Lots of folks have asked me about my BODYPUMP teaching. In the Les Mills formats (which is the umbrella company out of New Zealand that are trainers that develop varieties of workouts) the instructors do the whole workout with the participants facing the class. We give verbal cues and we model the exercises. We stay at the front and try and give corrective cues as we go without calling out participants directly during class. There is so much going on from microphones to music to equipment, to knowing the choreography, getting the timing down, giving good cues, getting your mouth and brain to connect so you can say those cues, AND you are doing the entire workout while giving modifications, corrections, and most importantly praise and encouragement. Since I’m still a sub instructor I haven’t had the opportunity to develop too much rapport with the participants, but I’ve found myself subbing the same classes a few times now and that rapport is starting to develop.

Yesterday I fully co-taught a BODYPUMP class with my friend R. It was a blast to be teaching PUMP in my home gym. I’m co-teaching PUMP with J on Thursday and I’m stoked since I was a regular in that class. I’m also solo subbing at my home gym on the 17th and I can’t wait. The big dance will be when I get to sub a 10:25am Saturday class which is always packed and was a part of my weekend routine for a long time!

Call me a teacher, faculty, adjunct, instructor, professor whatever you want. I enjoy leading people and being seen as a resource.

[measuringlife]

Today I also went to the GYN for my “Well Woman” exam. Check those staaaaaaats! Actually my resting pulse is usually in the low 50s, but doctors appointments always get my blood pumping! I was given gold stars throughout the appointment for my healthy lifestyle! .

[measuringlife]

Measuring Monday: Daddy

Tumblr has been my quiet safe space for 8 years. This has been a place to grieve and be vulnerable. Much of what I compiled below for this week’s Measuring Monday was already written and shared here over the years. Only now am I beginning to share my writing more publicly and I am thankful for the space and community here when I was less brave.

The world lost a great man 11 years ago yesterday. My world especially got a lot dimmer and for sure a lot less funny.

My Dad was awesome. He was born in Brooklyn and raised on Long Island in the same town I grew up in. He was the first in his family to attend and graduate college (with an Art degree) and after being a hippie in Southern California for a few wanderlust months he went back for a Masters in Education.

My Dad was an art teacher in a low income, minority school district and he LOVED IT. He spent his ENTIRE 33-year career in the district. After teaching for 20ish years he went on to administration. He was a middle school assistant principal for a number of years and then a high school assistant principal for a number of years. They wanted him to be principal, but he didn’t want to deal with politics.

When I was in first grade my Dad started a Saturday enrichment program for K-12 students, he ran the program for 12 years. Some of my favorite childhood memories were from that program. My Dad also piloted a night school program within the school district so people could get their HS diplomas. My Dad was a pretty big deal in the K-12 Education world. Even after he retired he couldn’t stay away. The last year of his life he was teaching in an education certificate program at a Dallas Community College. My Dad was great at what he did.

We shared a love of many, many things, especially musicals. RENT was one of our favorites and after he died “Seasons of Love” took on a new meaning. I’m measuring those years within my “dash” (it’s a great poem if you are not familiar, look it up) in daylights - in sunsets - in midnights - in cups of coffee - in inches - in miles - in laughter - in strife and more.  Back in January 2010, a friend of mine challenged me to measure my year in cups of coffee, which lead to measuring my miles, my body, my health and the rest is history. I get a lot of joy and satisfaction in measuring my life. It makes life seem a little more permanent and a little less fleeting at times.

The last 3-4 years of his life I pretty much talked to my Dad every day, even multiple times a day. Since he was retired he was available to talk whenever. I generally would call him when I was walking to and from class in grad school. Even if it was just a few minutes we’d have a great chat. I can honestly say we were best friends. There are still times when I wish I had my Dad to call.

Our last day was a fabulous Daddy-Daughter day - we were dorks and really called them that. Little did I know that a week later he would be taken from me. I was living in North Texas at the time, 5 months into my first job out of grad school and I was going through a rocky patch. My Dad lived 2.5 hours away in Dallas and wanted to come up for the day to cheer me up. Plus my he was having gastric bypass surgery that Thursday and I really wanted to see him before then.

Part of the reason I moved to Texas was to be closer to my Dad. My parents got divorced after my freshman year of high school and he stayed local, but once I went to college we never lived in the same state. I was in Connecticut and he was in New York or Florida or Texas. I saw my Dad so much in those 5 months we both lived in Texas it was wonderful, some of our best times. I had a lot of ups and downs with my Dad, but our last few months were so much fun.

That last time we hung out I drove up to Oklahoma so we could go to the casino and play some slot machines. Well on the 20-mile drive to Oklahoma I get pulled over on a Sunday afternoon for doing 77 in a 70. I honestly wasn’t aware of my speed because it was an open road and because my Dad and I were singing along to the Aida soundtrack on the top of our lungs. I was so upset about the ticket, but my Dad comforted me and made me feel better, he always did. After the casino, we came back to my apartment, rearranged furniture, and just hung out.

I didn’t want him to leave. I had a sinking feeling about everything. That was the day he told me he was getting gastric bypass over a lap band. I wasn’t a fan of his decision to have either surgery, particularly not gastric bypass. He was 6'2 and 300-325 pounds MAYBE. He has lost 100 pounds through diet and exercise when I was in high school and he kept it off for 8 years before quickly gaining it back after he retired. I was disappointed that he was resorting to surgery. He had been talking about lap band for 6 months and talked to many doctors, went to consults etc. Then within a week of his surgery, his doctor talks him into gastric bypass.

His surgery was Thursday, a week before Thanksgiving. 3 days later that Sunday morning, November 18, 2017, my phone rings at 6:30am. I knew before I answered the phone that he was dead. He was still in the hospital and he essentially bled out internally. A blood transfusion and proper care could have saved his life. I was 2.5 hours away in North Texas not having been fully informed or able to fully comprehend post-op complications and too naive to realize I needed to come down. No twentysomething really thinks their Dad is going to die. I had just spent the prior Sunday with him and was scheduled to come down to Dallas Tuesday for the night before flying to NY for Thanksgiving.

I was devastated, I still am. My whole entire world forever changed. Everything about that day and the weeks and months that followed, including a failed wrongful death lawsuit due to the Texas good old boys club, was a nightmare. I sometimes wish I could “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” much of it.

He was 58, I was 24, and my sister was not quite 22. None of us were ready for him to be gone forever. My sister and I had already lost him once in 1998 when my parents separated and he moved out. To quote a friend who wrote about her Dad on his one year anniversary “I feel both lucky to have had my dad for so many years and angry that he was taken from me when I and he were too young. If I know anything better today than I did last year, it is exactly how complicated and messy life and death and grief are.”

My story is a complicated one on many levels. It’s a lot to bear, especially around the Holidays. Family drama and a Mother that I have a terrible relationship with makes things extra hard. There is no winning with her ever, my Dad was one of the few who really understood. I miss having him on my team. The sad reality is the 11 years that he’s been gone have also led to the 11 worst years in my relationship with my mom. A relationship that was rocky to begin with due to her alcoholism and emotional abuse.

The complications of life and death and grief were something I wasn’t expecting and it really causes tremendous pain. However, out of tragedy, I was finally able to find the motivation to get healthy and fit. I did the work, no shortcuts, no fad diets, and most importantly no surgery.

To quote a message from another friend years ago, about losing her mom, "Sometimes it takes the death of a loved one to wake us up. I consider that a lasting gift from my parent.” I found such comfort and hope in those words. My Daddy didn’t need that surgery and didn’t need to die. Sadly he did, but I refuse to let my weight control my life. I also couldn’t have his death be in vain. So in 2010, I started running, I took charge of my health. I also started fundraising for Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure (ABC2) since most people who have lost loved ones find solace in charity work and there wasn’t a community for my loss out there. So I adopted David Cook’s charity of choice since watching American Idol during those dark months that followed helped me get through each week.

And here I am 11 years later and in the best shape of my life thus far. I thank my Dad for that lasting gift no matter how painful it’s been. I only wish he was here to see me now and the wonderful all-around person I am today.

I’ll leave you with this. One quote I remember my Dad telling to me in a time of struggle in my life was, “Plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” That quote has meant so much to me over the years. YOU only have one life and YOU need to make the most of out of, right now.

Love you Daddy.

RDJ 4/25/49-11/18/07