#MLfred

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My world changed 11 years ago today when this little nugget came into my life. Freddie I love you with my whole heart, thank you for always being by my side through thick and thin! .

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I couldn’t let #nationaldogday go by without showing Freddie some love! Fred is my soon to be 11 year old Pomeranian. I got him as a puppy a few months after my Dad died and Freddie’s been by my side ever since.

Last year he had some health issues which scared the hell of of me, but thankfully with a proper diagnosis (Cushings Disease) coupled with a treatment plan he’s been doing well and his health seems to be regulated.

Fred used to be my running buddy (back when I was running), he’d go out up to 5 miles at a time with me and he would probably run faster than a 9 minute mile if I could!! These days we are walking buddies who enjoy stopping to smell the roses!

Freddie is the best thing to ever happen to me, he healed so many holes in my heart and showed me I was able to care for someone else...

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Prayers for Freddie who is at the vet all day getting fluids and being monitored after some tummy issues. We’re hopeful it’s only a side effect of some recent med/food adjustments...

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A tale of two Freddies.

First pic is a preview from our Freddie photoshoot we did at home with a local photographer friend last weekend.

The second is today, Fred coming out of sedation after his follow up ultrasound to monitor his Cushings Disease.

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Fred post ultrasound sedation. One possible tumor mass and an enlarged adrenal gland. Vet put him on Cushings meds, go back to check blood work in 2 weeks and the another ultrasound 4 weeks from now 😰

Oh and now I'm on my way to Boston for my friend's dad's funeral and T is playing nurse to Fred.

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Freddie had a vet follow up on Friday. Vet called on Saturday to tell us Fred's new meds are working and his blood work looked good. He lost some weight and is starting to grow back some hair which are both good signs. We head back for another ultrasound in mid-March to see how things are looking on the inside. T took this news as permission to get back to screwing with Freddie! #fredfiles

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Happy 10th Birthday Freddie! I love you with my whole heart! It wasn't until a few weeks after you were born that we'd cross paths and then you'd be mine at 12 weeks old. Sending warm wishes to your sweet breeder out in podunk Oklahoma.

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My Summer of Shit

What this doesn’t full capture are the 80+ hour work weeks, that really started in March and didn’t let up until this week. Some of it was expected, some of it was an anomaly, some of it was a series of unfortunate events. This also doesn’t capture all the tears - I don’t think I’ve cried this much in my whole collective life as I’ve cried these past few months. 

TL;DR version: This summer fucking sucked. I tried too hard once again to be a superstar. I did a hellava job, but at all cost. I think I finally learned that the end does not justify the means and that following the motto “whatever it takes” which has been drilled into me for years is bad advice. Also, home renovations suck to live through and pay for, now I just further feel like the things I own, own me - but at least unlike my job, I’m being owned by something pretty, useful, and designed by me!

Oh and we’ve made zero actual wedding plans and if one more person asks me I’m going to flip my shit because when could I have possibly found the time between the 80+ work weeks, crushing work stress, insomnia, home renovations, dog health scares, and working on my G-D own well-being.

Full scoop after the break

May: Mid-May is basically where I left you (and Weight Watchers tracking). During the second half of May I welcomed and on-boarded 1 new full-time staff member and 3 graduate interns (each on seperate days because, of course). Also, it was the final rush towards preparing for our 20 person student staff training and summer large scale programming. I secured a loan for home improvements and we started bathroom demo and remodeling with a contractor (I researched and met with many the 6 weeks prior to the project beginning). Attended wedding 1 of 3 of the summer. Oh and my car died like 2 miles from home in the rain, but it was revived for like $1500. 

June: Full sprint of summer student staff retreat and training for 2 weeks, along with making sure all my summer program ducks were in a row for our first of 6 sessions which kicked off 6/19. Some major personal life drama I don’t want to get into (yes even here, I can’t). I was in a Friday wedding which required 2 days off work, but it was lovely and then had another wedding the following Friday (yeesh these Friday weddings are killing me, I had to skip one this month and have another in October). Ran 4 our of 6 summer sessions, while dealing some a lot of team dynamics and a very immature student staff - probably the worst I’ve had in all my 16 years doing what I do. Bathroom remodel wrapped in early followed by kitchen demo and remodel (and allllllll the choices that come with it, project got delayed 2 weeks because I had a last minute change of heart for the backsplash which required ordering new materials, but it was ultimately worth it), however living without a kitchen and in a construction zone was hard. 

July: I was in BAD shape at this point, I was even down to the high 180s due to stress and lack of appetite. We skipped a 4th of July trip to NYC in order to have a brief staycation. Made an appointment with a counselor at work to help me begin to manage all the stress and emotions (I never put myself first). I ran my last 2 summer events. I went to my first Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting (and have continued to go weekly so far). I tried to get on top of the workload and somewhat ahead since I had my vacation planned. my dog Fred has some MAJOR health issues which cost me a lot of money, stress, and tears. He’s okay now, but he’s going to be 10 so it’s just managing meds, diet, behavior, etc. Left for a week at the Outer Banks, Duck specifically, on 7/30 and stayed the week. 

August: The beach was perfection. We had a cute house a 5-minute walk from the beach, I could still hear and smell the ocean from the porches/decks. The house I picked (way back in Feb) was pet-friendly and the plan was to bring Fred all along, thank goodness because I wouldn’t have been able to leave him given his health scare. I limited my screen times, never checked work email, did yoga a few times and week and tried to relax. Oh and I rang in my 34th birthday was I was there - with little to no fanfare, but I wasn’t in the mood this year. I gave myself an extra day off after the beach before returning to work. The kitchen got finished right before we left so we got to put everything away and start to settle into it. Jumped back into a lot of work stress, but the finish line was in sight. Last week was non-stop events and programs, but it all went well. I even got an email of recognition from my new university President’s private email account which I will treasure. My programs directly served almost 1,900 students and 1,400 parents/family members. My staff included 20 students, 3 head students, 3 grad interns, 1 assistant director and me. I was leading everyone and I’ve only been here just over a year, so it was the blind leading the blind at times which also was very stressful. 

In summary

I had to face some of my inner demons and scars - some of which I didn’t even know we there until recently. I need to make myself and my happiness a priority because no matter how hard I work at something outside of myself, I’m not going to be truly happy unless I do the internal work. There is always going to be to-do lists, there is always going to be pressure, there is always going to be unanswered emails, and trying to conquer it all to prove I’m  a “good little employee” is not going to make me feel any of the self-worth I’ve apparently been chasing my whole life (this was a recent a-ha moment too and one I share with other Adult Children of Alcoholics).

So I need to set work boundaries -  not work more than the 35 hours I’m getting paid for, I need to not check e-mail when I’m off the clock, I need to take my lunch hour. I need to go to fitness classes and write both here and in my paper journal. I need to dig into the parts of myself that I’ve pushed down for years and face some stuff head on in hopes to get past it. 

This summer almost broke me on many levels and I certainly feel broken, but to quote John Mayer “I’m in repair, I’m not together, but I’m getting there…” 

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Scenes from my walks with Fred this weekend, going to try and do long walks with him a few times a week in this lovely fall weather

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After a long 3 months of orientation madness, telework Tuesdays are back! #PJs #Fred #endlesscoffee #soundoftherain

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T discovered how to make Fred show his teeth like the demon that he is 👹

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When you have to buy your dog prescription dog food to help regulate some health issues. Vet is optimistic about Fred's health, but want to continue to rule things out.

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Weekend Rundown

Friday

Took a half day to take Freddie to the vet because he had been sporadically vomiting all week. Vet called Saturday - Blood work revealed he has hypothyroidism - aka his thyroid is inactive, so he will need a pill 2x a day for the rest of his life. Clearly I was upset, but he’s in perfect health otherwise. This new pill will help him maintain his weight and improve his hair.  

I was SUPER productive at work since I was only working a half day. I am always extra productive on days when I’m working an abbreviated day. With focus I’m sure most people could do their jobs in ~25 hours a week.

I spent late Friday afternoon at one of my old work bestie’s house hanging with her and her 3.5 yr old and 4 month old. Awesome time hanging out. I definitely miss seeing her daily back when we worked together. 

I took a rest day fitness wise since I had worked out for a week straight prior to today. 

Saturday

Snow! Just a light coating, but it was super pretty.

I had to drive in the snow because I had to bring a urine same to the vet since Freddie didn’t want to go when we were there on Friday. 

Made it to body pump class and then walked on the treadmill.

Big grocery shop/meal prep shop with T for the week, then we watched movies and were lazy bums. 

Sunday

Slept 11 hours, I needed it. I didn’t sleep well Fri and Sat worrying about Fred. 

Did Shred Level 3 - day 2. I freaking love level 3 - it’s my favorite of the 3 levels. 

Got a manicure, my first since E’s wedding in September. All the housework made it silly to waste money and time on my nails. I got a gel manicure for the first time in YEARS. I discovered the Sally Hansen Nail Effects 2 years ago and they were my go to with an occasional regular manicure. I always admire nails and I feel better about myself when my nails are done (and not super stubby). I’m hoping to keep up a strong nail game this year! 

Went to a beautiful Brewery with T in Bluemont, VA and stumbled across a super cute old restaurant that was heated by fireplaces

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Today’s “Measuring Monday” free write about my dog Freddie.

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This baby is taking years off my life due to stress, granted he’s my whole world and enriches my life every day. 

However for the past 3 weeks or so he’s essentially been on a hunger strike. Refusing to eat any type of dog food. T and I could certainly tell he’s lost weight but today at the vet I was horrified to see he went from 7.7lbs just about 6 lbs. The vet was alarmed too. 

Fred’s had a lot of bloodwork the past few months, but that doesn’t always tell the full story. Fred had an insatiable appetite for most of Feb and Mar even waking us up crying for food. Now for most of April the pendulum swung the other way so we’re readjusting his meds again. 

The good news is the vet took Fred off prescription food because he’s more interested in him eating period. Thank goodness between a mix of wet and dry non-prescription food Fred ate today. I moved his bed into the kitchen while I telework because I wanted to keep an eye on him. Here’s hoping he will continue eating and that we finally get the med dosage right. 

Anyone know where I can donate 3 different bags of nearly full expensive prescription dog food?

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Photo Ready

Oh you know, just casually booking a photoshoot in March with Freddie and me (and the fiance, but it’s really about Fred and me). 

I’ve always wanted nice pictures of Freddie and me.  Since his health has not been the best, I don’t want to miss out on capturing our bond. However his new meds seem to be helping his coat/skin. He has more bloodwork scheduled for Friday and likely another ultrasound in mid-February.