#missyounikita

[tinajeena]

Battle within myself :’)

I could only convey what was going on through the words I wrote. I could never completely describe the feeling that was inside me; More than a panic attack and less than destruction. Only support I needed was a single person. They all used to tell me - ‘Message me, I’ll be there for you!’ But nobody could ever understand the sadness underneath my laughter so loud. I could rarely smile; Either I would laugh or else smirk (when people used to build up silly Jokes on me). It was turning harder as the days were passing by, Really hard! I had my Parents working, not so healthy relationship with my brother, nobody to share my thoughts with. I had Friends which I could rarely call to pass time and smoke. I had tried everything but nothing was in my Favour. Drugs? They give you temporary happiness and Peace? They gave me Anxiety and the power of thinking more Negative than ever. Reaching at this point of life where, I am Left with my family, a city where my reputation is nowhere near to good and people who claim to know me. Looks like I cannot rebuild my life and Everything’s dragging me to the end as It will be very hard to Make new friends, a new reputation, a better personality and basically Transform myself into a better person! Whereas on the other side there is an easier option - DIE! and end this Crap. I don’t really know what will I be choosing in the coming future; right now all I am doing is missing nikita a lot. All I have faced my life, She knows every damn thing. It’s hard to loose a person like that yea? I have always taken years before moments, but with her it has been like so many years and so many good memories. Moreover, isn’t it too hard to believe that the person you trusted the most has fallen into the trap of someone else and left you to suffer knowing the fact how emotional and dumb you are. I was always the one - Left behind, thrown with Taunts about being dark, fat and having Bunny teeth. I had no friends till 6th standard and afterwards people came up to me with - Tina, Meri Facebook ID banade? I made friends like that.

#Friendships have always been difficult for me as I don’t think before speaking; I just blabber whatever’s inside me. I swear without even guessing if it would hurt the other’s sentiments.

#Fightingmyanxiety #tinajeena #missyounikita #hardtomove #struggle