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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years ago

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"should i ask for song requests?" MA'AM- anyways Show Me Love by Mali Hood with Cal pls

LMAO, look, it’s just a thought. Also I love Mali, but Robin S’s version--a BOP. So I’m going to base it off that version.

It’s long, whoops.

CW: Mentions of gaining weight. So if you’re sensitive, feel free to skip this!

___________

It wasn’t in Calum’s plan to be out this late. He had planned to finish up the first season of Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix. He had planned to order himself a pizza, extra large so that he could have a few slices for lunch tomorrow too and possibly a White Claw, or two, or more. Who knows? He surely wasn’t going to count those calories.

However, when Calum and Ashton found themselves deep into the evening running over lyrics along with some other friends and somebody mentioning hitting up a bar nearby to get some food, Calum figured he could tag along. He’d avoid drinking until he got home but greasy bar food could be an easy substitute for pizza.

It’s as Calum dips the end of fries into the ranch given on the side a tap sounds of the speakers, cutting through the music that’s been playing in the background. “Hope everyone’s doing great tonight,” a voice states.

Calum looks over his shoulder to see a man up on a stage. “Karaoke’s opening up in fifteen minutes. Find me at the bar to sign up or feel free just to jump in.”

“Oh, we gotta stay for this,” Ashton laughs. The rest of the group readily agrees and Calum shrugs, polishing off the last half the fries before going in for another bite of his sandwich.

It’s not until the music cuts out again that Calum realizes the fifteen minutes as flown by. The first two people are a little wobbly, and giggling into the mic as they sing their choice in song. One goes for Journey which gets most of the room to sing along too. It hits a lull after about the fourth person. The DJ calls for people who didn’t sign up to just jump in.

There’s a thick silence and across the room, Calum catches a shriek. “We have one!”

He turns to the shrill and sees a pocket of girls at a booth. Three of them are tugging at a fourth that remains seated, shaking her head. However, her unwillingness is no match to her friends and they end up dragging her to the stage. Calum watches as she speaks for a moment to the DJ.

Her friends cheer front and center. Their claps somehow echo throughout the entire building. Under the light, Calum can see more of her features, high cheekbones, brown skin dazzling and peaking out from the fishnets covering her long legs. She chuckles nervously into the mic just as the music cuts in. The low sound, the husky voice makes Calum gasps.

He hadn’t seen her ages since they ended their fling. And she looked different--her cheeks were fuller. The weight gain made her look healthier than ever. She looked fucking good in the green plaid mini shirt and white high neck sleeves top. Her thighs shake just a little as she taps the beat out with her heel and soon, she belts out the opening note to Show Me Love vocalizing before the lyrics are pushed out from her chest.

What hadn’t changed as how at ease she seemed to be on the stage. Though she always protested it. The second someone put a mic in her hand and a spotlight on her, she turned into a whole new person. “I really need a lover, a lover that wants to be there,” she belts out and smiles before stepping down the stairs.

Through the crowd, she dances, singing along to the electronic beat holding steady. “You got to show me love,” her voice dips to match the note change and she points out to someone in the crowd, singing to them for a moment before twirling her way down the room. The crowd eats up, cheering along as she sings and taking moments to dance along with her.

“Words are so easy to say a lie, you got to show me love. I’m tired of getting caught up in the one night affairs,” she sings and gaze lands on Calum. Her eyes go wide. They hadn’t really run in the same circles for a while after Calum ended things.

And admittedly, he ended them for legitimate reasons. She was leaving for school abroad and said they could try to just be friends. But that wasn’t something he was looking for and rather than string her along knowing he’d ultimately be breaking her heart, he was honest. And she understood that. She thanked him for it.

It was harder than he thought it would be--watching her leave. He wanted to text her, reach out and see how things were going, if she had settled in nicely. And the urges lasted longer than Calum had never admitted to anyone, but they did eventually dissipate; it took him unfollowing her social media.

And come to think of it, he still noticed when she liked something of his--as few and far between as his postings were and he wasn’t even that active on his private account but whenever he was, she always wound up liking it. Every notification made his heart flutter just a little.

She moves on, still not missing a beat to the song, though she does brush a hand over Calum’s shoulder as she passes, sending a wink his way before she carries herself to the bar. Her heeled boots wind up clicking up and down the length of the bar counter. She dances with a few more people, women and men, smiling as she twirls about.

Returning back to the stage, the last note falling off from the speaker, she thanks the crowd and DJ and quickly steps back down the steps. The crowd gives her a standing ovation and she waves before returning back to her booth. Calum’s thankful he’s on the end and excuses himself for a second. No one seems bothered by his exit--Ashton’s the only one that could possibly recognize her and it’s not shock he doesn’t.

Calum walks over to the table and even though she’s smushed into the corner, on the side of the group, he knows he can’t leave this bar tonight with talking to her. He smiles as he approaches the table. “Evening, ladies.” Everyone is at lost for words but at least smile and nod at his approach. “I-I just wanted to say that that was a great performance. You’re extremely talented.”

“Thanks,” she returns, leaning out. “Would you believe it if I said I don’t do that sort of thing often.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he laughs softy. He goes to ask her to talk, or if she needs a refill but the air’s tense, a little awkward. “But honestly, you were amazing.” He nods again at her and throws up a quick wave before continuing on like he’s headed to the bathrooms. That is not how he wanted that to go. But how does he act like the last they haven’t lost contact for nearly four years. Calum splashes some water onto his face, staring up into the mirror.

She remembered him, clearly. Maybe it was that defense mechanism, the part of him that was trying to tell him that it was too much time passed. She possibly had moved on from all of that. Yeah, she probably had moved on, Calum thinks to himself. If she had, there would be no use in trying to make a move, he’d get rejected anyway.

He grabs some paper towel and dries his face and hands before pushing open the door to the bathroom. He doesn’t get more than a four steps from the door before a voice calls out his name, “Calum. Hey, wait.” A hand grabs to his elbow.

He spins to find her, smiling a bit lopsided and lips still glossy as they always were all those years ago, with also a bit of a darker lip liner around the edges. “Sorry,” she rushes out, dropping her hand from his elbow. “I just-I just wanted to say thanks. For the compliment. And, uh, if you weren’t busy, if you wanted to catch up sometime. Over a drink, coffee, lunch, whatever.”

“I would love that,” he exhales in a rush.

“Cool. Here’s my number--I had to change it become of my ex, but that’s not what I want to focus on.” She hands out a napkin with numbers scribbled onto it. “Just text me and we can arrange a date and time.”

Calum takes it with a nod, reaching for his phone from inside his pants pocket. “I’ll text you so you have my number too.” He taps her number in before typing a quick message and pressing send.

“To be honest, I didn’t think you’d recognize me or like want to talk or anything.”

“What-what do you mean by that?”

“I mean, there might just be a pound or two more on me than the last time you saw me. And when I left, we kind of just ended things and I-I don’t know. We hadn’t spoken in a while. I just moved back into town about six months ago. Seeing you just made me feel like I did when I was 19.”

Calum can’t lie and say he never suspected that she had feelings for him. At that time, he wasn’t looking for anything. “Well, first, you still look fucking gorgeous so I wouldn’t worry at all about that. Things are different now. I’m looking for different things now.” She nods, casting a look to the floor. “It’s like the song said,” Calum continues, “I’m tired of giving my love and getting no where.”

“You probably think I’m crazy or something, all these years. But there’s always been something about you, Calum. Something I couldn’t shake.”

“Nah, it can’t be me. Do you know how many times when you first left I almost messaged you? And I know I kinda put a cork in things then. But if you think there’s something about me, allow me to introduce you to yourself.”

She laughs, playfully slapping at his bicep. “Oh god. Quit while you’re behind.”

Calum laughs in return, watching the way she shakes her head. “What are you doing tomorrow, around 1?”

“Um, nothing. Tomorrow’s my day off. Why?”

“Let’s get lunch. Anywhere you want to go.”

“There’s a new sushi place. Just up the block from here.” She rattles off the name and Calum nods. He went there last week to try it out. “There if you’re okay with it?”

“More than okay,” Calum agrees. “But uh, I don’t want to take you away from your friends too long. So I’ll see you there tomorrow, at 1.”

“Okay, yeah, yeah. Tomorrow at one.” She steps into him, almost as she’s going to bypass him but stops just before doing so fully. Her hand comes up to his cheek and she presses a kiss before finally stepping away. Calum exhales, lungs nearly collapsing in his chest. He forgot that about her--how she was open and actionable, always willing to make the first step even if blew up in her face.

He watches her, finally composed enough to turn around as she slips back into the booth with her friends. He hears her laughter above the sounds of Led Zeppelin, another person singing for the crowd.

#calum hood #calum hood blurb #calum hood imaigne #calum hood fluff #calum hood angst #calum hood x oc #calum hood 5sos #calum 5sos #5sos #5 seconds of summer #calum hood fanfic #5sos imagine #5sos blurb #h writes

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boyfriend-cal · 5 years ago

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random #8 & fluff #11 with calum pls thank you sweetie 💗

I really liked these two! thanks for sending a request.

from this prompt list:11: "Are you flirting with me?" "You finally noticed?"8: "Can you please…? Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe put a shirt on?!"

friendly reminders: join my taglist, read my masterlist, send me a request

word count: 1.4k

You're standing over the stove, trying to arrange a charcuterie board for the get together you and Cal are hosting this afternoon. It's not looking as pretty as the ones on your Instagram and Pinterest feed, so you're frustrated as hell.

"Ugh." A groan leaves your lips as Calum enters the kitchen. Shirtless, hair still wet, and jeans hung low on his waist. Your hair falls from behind your ear and into your face for the one-thousandth time. You always like to prepare food with your hair up, but somehow always forget a hair tie as well.

"What? You didn't fall in love with me just now? I'll walk out and back in again. Maybe it'll work this time." Calum smirks, starting to turn around and leave.

"No, dumbass. I can't get this to look like the ones on the internet. And my stupid hai-" Your words stop when Cal holds up a hair tie in front of your face.

"You always forget a hair tie and are too stubborn to go get one or you do so and complain the entire ten steps to the bathroom. I saved you the last step." He smiles at you as you slowly take the hair tie, your mouth still slightly hung open from not finishing your sentence. It stays open because you can't believe he noticed that this is a reoccurring thing.

"Wow... Thanks, Calum. I didn't think it happened that often." You chuckle and let it roll off your back. He rolls his eyes and turns to the fridge.

"How many people are coming to this shindig?" You look over your shoulder to find him bent over in front of the open fridge. Eyebrows scrunched together, and his forehead lines clearly visible.

"Well, the boys, plus their girlfriends. Then I invited three girl friends and two more guy friends. We've talked about this, Cal."

He straightens up, shuts the fridge, and turns to you. "We're going to need more beer. I'm going to make a run to the store. Do you want anything else for later this week?"

"We don't have time for you to go to the store, you're not even dressed yet! They'll all be here in an hour." You turn to him and wipe your forehead with your arm.

"I got this. I'll put on my shirt before I leave, so I'll be pretty much ready when I get back. We are not looking like bad hosts, Y/N." Calum reaches out and gives a gentle touch to your elbow, then he turns and heads toward his room.

Thirty seconds later, he's coming out with the shirt halfway over his head and shoes that are untied. "How many bottles of wine should I get? Oh nevermind. I'll figure it out. Don't stress over the meat and cheese board. It looks fine, and we're going to eat it anyway."

The kitchen has half a wall separating it from the living room, so you watch him pause by the door for a moment. Instead of saying anything else, you nod, and he sends you a wink before he opens the door and leaves.

Ten minutes before your guests are arriving and Calum is nowhere in sight. He's not answering your texts or calls, and you've already gotten messages from everyone else that they're on their way.

The charcuterie board is done. Not the best, but it still looks okay. The size itself is impressive, but you wanted to make sure there was enough food for everyone. Of course, there was always junk food in the pantry if they wanted something else.

You're almost to the point of pacing the kitchen when the door bursts open. Calum has a case of beer in one hand, four bottles of wine tucked in a reusable grocery bag in the other, but his shirt is gone.

"What the hell, Calum? Where did your shirt go? Everyone will be here in less than ten minutes." You rush to his side, taking the bag and immediately shoving the bottles into the freezer, hoping they'll get colder faster.

"I spilled this nasty drink on it. It's been in my car forever, so I was going to pour it out the window, but the bottom fell out of the cup before I could. I didn't want you to panic that I ruined my shirt cause you totally would, so I took it off instead." Calum follows you into the kitchen and sets the beer down next to the fridge.

"You're so chaotic, you know? And it stresses me the fuck out. Why didn't we check the fridge two days ago?" You break eye contact with him to return to the tray of food and make a few adjustments once again. Every time you look at it, you find something else wrong with it. He appears next to you instead of going to get dressed like he's supposed to be doing.

"Yeah, I do know, actually." Calum reaches for an olive, but you slap his hand away immediately.

"You are not about to do that. Are you kidding me?" You give him a wide-eyed look, and he shakes his head.

"Hey, I was only trying to fix this part that you messed up." He mocks your tone, and your eyes shoot towards the board, scanning it for anything out of place. "Don't you know that Luke is allergic to cashews? Most nuts, actually. Now everything is contaminated. It all needs to be thrown out."

Calum clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth to make a tsk tsk sound at you. He watches the panic spread across your face and tries to hold back laughter. "Is he? It really is all contaminated. I should've washed my hands in between everything. Oh god, we don't have anything else but junk food and-"

He presses his hands to your shoulders, finally unleashing his laughter. You finally catch on, slapping his chest and pushing him away from you. "Are you kidding me? I hate you. Now is not the time for that! Oh my god."

You let out the biggest breath you've ever taken and cross your arms over your chest. "Are you going to get dressed any time soon?"

"Why should I? I won't even compare to how beautiful you look. Those jeans with that top?" Calum closes his fingers together and kisses them like a chef.

"Are you flirting with me?" You squint your eyes a little bit, sticking your chin forward ever so slightly and tilting your head.

"You finally noticed?" Calum laughs, adding to his already huge grin.

"For how long?" You feel your cheeks get hot from embarrassment.

"I mean... a while. I just figured you were ignoring it." Cal shrugs his shoulders, and you sigh.

"I would never ignore it on purpose. God, that's fucking stupid of me. I've lived with a hot ass roommate for almost a whole year now and-"

Calum's hands are on either side of your face, pulling you toward him to press your lips together. Your palms land on his chest, and your fingers lightly dig into his collarbones. Both of you are smiling and giggling as Calum pulls away just to come back and pepper more kisses against your lips.

The two of you are so busy and wrapped up in the moment that neither of you hears the door open. "Hey, hey, hey! It's time to get this party starte- Oh god."

You jump away from Calum like he's on fire, feeling embarrassment from getting caught. Luke is just smiling and shaking his head, Sierra is trying to suppress her giggles, and Ashton losing it altogether.

"I mean, it's your place, so if you want to make out in the kitchen, then we can't stop you mate." Luke continues into the apartment with everyone following. Kaykay was behind Ashton, and so were Michael and Crystal.

"Damnit, I missed it." Michael groans, earning laughter from everyone but the two in the kitchen.

"I'm so glad it wasn't my friends that were on time." You mumble under your breath, but Calum hears it and rolls his eyes at you.

"Hey, I wasn't done talking yet." Luke sets his bottle of tequila onto the counter next to the charcuterie board. "But if you're going to do that, can you please... I don't know. Maybe put a shirt on?!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going. Go ahead and pour some shots, I'm going to need it." Calum sighs and stalks out of the room, but not before he gets the chance to give your hand a small squeeze.

"Double for me." I laugh.

"You can say that again."

thanks for reading! don’t forget to reblog if you liked it, and feedback is always appreciated. 💕

taglist: @calumsnatchedmyheart @wastedheartcth @calssunflower @aulxna @sebastian-sunshine-stan @mikeyglifford @wildflower-cth @lustingfor5sos @bodaciousbonzi1996 @calum-booo @petuniaxspet @geeksareunique @latemikedevil @blisshemmings @httpteddybear @calbabie @blairscott

#kris10 writes #kris10 answers requests #calum hood #calum hood fic #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagine #calum hood one shot #calum hood blurb #calum hood request #calum hood fluff #roommate!calum #roommate!cal #calum fluff #calum hood x you #calum hood x reader #calum hood x y/n #5sos #5 seconds of summer

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kaleidoscopeminds · 4 years ago

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would it be cheeky to combine prompts 🙈 “a hug after not seeing someone for a long time” and “lifting someone up out of excitement”? with mashton pls 🥺

hi anon i’m sorry this has taken me a while but i hope you like this!!!! A tiny bit of airport mashton 💖

Michael is shifting from foot to foot anxiously between paces, staring between the digital board and the entrance to arrivals. Luke looks up from his phone and glares at him again but Michael genuinely can’t help it, he feels out of control of his body, vibrating with excitement and nerves. Ashton’s plane was officially on the ground and that meant it would only be a matter of minutes until he would be able to see him again, in real life rather than through a tiny rectangular screen on some poor quality WIFI.

“Mikey, please, you’re making me feel sick,” Luke complains from where he’s leaning up against the wall a few feet away from him. “He’s still got to get through immigration and baggage collection.”

“Shut up you dick,” Michael retorts and resumes his pacing. “You’d be this insufferable if Calum had been gone for six weeks.”

“This is literally Ashton’s job, why do you do this every time,” Luke sighs.

Just then Calum appears holding a cup holder with four coffees in it. He eyes Michael warily, handing off one of the coffees to Luke, smiling at him and dropping a kiss to his forehead. Luke giggles and blushes and Michael rolls his eyes at them, they’ve been together three years there was absolutely no reason why Luke needed to blush around Calum anymore.

Michael reaches out and makes a grabby motion for his coffee but Calum shakes his head. “No I’m not giving you caffeine yet, you’ll vibrate out of your fucking skin.”

Michael makes a noise of outrage. “You can’t withhold coffee from me, that’s not fair.”

“You can have yours when Ashton gets here,” Calum says firmly, plucking his own drink out of the holder and taking a sip, placing the remaining two cups on the ground next to him.

“I’m not a child,” Michael says (childishly he’s aware). Calum just raises his eyebrows at him, slipping his arm around Luke’s waist to pull him in front of him and hooking his chin over his shoulder. Luke sighs and lets his body rest against Calum’s drinking his own coffee.

Michael glares at the both of them, checking the arrivals board again to see if any thing’s changed. It hasn’t. Michael’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he wrenches it out to see a text from Ashton:

just got my bags see you in a sec <3

Michael squeaks and begins to tap his foot in earnest. Luke sighs again.

“Why are you even here?” Michael snaps, not taking his eyes off the entrance to arrivals.

“He’s our friend too Michael,” Calum says gently. “Also who would have driven, you’re in no state to.”

“He was Calum’s friend first actually,” Luke says, “He’s the reason that you even know who he is, or did you forget that part?”

“Fuck off,” Michael says grumpily. “You’re both terrible. I wish I had come on my own.”

“No you don’t, you would have gone insane,” Luke scoffs. “Probably would have started ranting at the woman serving in Starbucks or something.”

Michael watches Calum pinch Luke’s side and give him a reproachful look.

“Both of you stop it. Michael, calm down, we’re here because we also haven’t seen Ashton in six weeks and we love him too. Luke, stop antagonising him, he’s allowed to be excited,” Calum says firmly.

Luke rolls his eyes and Michael says “Yes dad,” sarcastically, but they stop bickering and Michael resumes his staring, leaving Calum and Luke to whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears or whatever the fuck they talk about.

Michael sees a new flow of people start to come through the entrance to arrivals and he starts craning his neck to look for a mop of brown curly hair and glasses. He spots Ashton as soon as he comes through, rucksack on his shoulder and dragging a suitcase behind him, he looks tired but also scanning the crowd intensely. As soon as Michael meets his eyes his face breaks out into the biggest grin, teeth glinting and dimple popping out in his chin, and Michael is sure his face reflects the same feeling.

Michael is twitching where he’s stood, and as soon as Ashton is out of the main group of people Michael lurches forward as if not in control of his own body and covers the ten feet between him and Ashton on legs that feel like they’re wading through water.

Ashton drops all his luggage immediately to catch Michael as he essentially jumps into his arms. Ashton’s arms come around Michael, squeezing so hard he physically lifts Michael off the ground. Michael doesn’t complain, just wraps his legs around Ashton’s hips and hangs off him like a koala, gripping Ashton’s face between his palms and kissing all over his face. They’re both laughing and Michael thinks he might be crying a bit too, and can just make out Ashton saying “I missed you I missed you.” Over and over as he holds Michael tighter.

“Hi Ashton, missed you too!” Luke says loudly from behind Michael, and Michael can see Calum step around Ashton to pick up his bags from where Ashton threw them to one side. Ashton just turns his face to the side a little and laughs.

“Hi Luke. Hi Cal,” he says smiling.

“I’ll give you a hug in a sec mate, when you’ve got a free arm,” Calum says amusedly.

Michael takes this as his cue to reluctantly uncurl his legs from Ashton’s hips and support his own weight. He tries to step away slightly, flushing at the level of PDA he just displayed in a busy airport, but Ashton doesn’t let him, just keeps his arms wrapped around Michael and pulls him in for a proper hug. Michael brings up his own arms to go around Ashton’s neck, sliding his hand into the back of his grown out hair and pressing his face into his neck, breathing in his skin.

Ashton finally steps back slightly to catch Michael’s lips in his own, kissing him hard. He finishes the kiss with a few pecks before properly pulling away. Michael lets him hug Calum and Luke, before slipping a hand around his waist and kissing his shoulder. He watches Ashton smile and grab one of his bags whilst Calum and Luke shoulder the others, Ashton curling his around Michael’s shoulder and brushing his fingers against his neck.

#prompt fic #mashton fic #meg fic #fic #5sos fanfiction #anon

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toohardtoforgetcth · 4 years ago

Text

Too Hard To Forget

Chapter Seven

5,491 words

Warnings: just a lil’ fighting and swearing as per uje

A/N: Hi hello pls forgive me for sad boy cal here have some of this enjoy love u all <3

» » » » » »

Calum had been performing regularly three nights a week at The Wildflower for over a month, and despite the fact that he hated waking up to go to work every morning, he looked forward to every other night at the pub. It was his escape, a creative outlet, a place to channel all the frustration and pain, but also all the joy and passion he felt into music and share it with people who supported him. He had gained quite a few new followers, and many of the faces he saw at his shows continued to show up every week to see him play. It was the highest praise he could have asked for.

Calum had been buzzing from a particularly good show after sharing another original with the crowd, and he left with a high coursing through him that he only ever felt after a really good show. He had zoned out when he stepped out the front door, bumping into someone on the sidewalk and almost knocking them over.

“Fuck, sorry,” he mumbled, picking his guitar case up off the ground where he had dropped it. “I—” Calum looked up finally, making eye contact with the girl. Her eyes widened in surprise, stopping dead in front of him. Words had failed him—it had been three months since he’d seen her last, and his heart was doing flips in his chest.

“Calum, hi,” Parker said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. “It’s been a while.”

They were standing close, close enough that Parker could smell his cologne and a flood of memories came rushing back to her. He looked good. He’d gotten a haircut, his hair almost short enough that you could barely tell he had curls. Parker remembered what it was like to run her fingers through it, and she was itching to do it now. Don’t you dare, she told herself.

She watched his eyes scan over her figure, bluntly admiring her and completely unashamed. Her brain was telling her to step back, that she was too close, but the signal didn’t seem to reach her feet, so she stayed rooted in place.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “How’ve you been?” he asked her, leaning to the right to rest his shoulder against the brick wall outside the pub.

“I’m okay,” she answered. Parker wanted to kick herself for telling him the truth. She had been seeing Owen for the past month and things were good, but she still thought about Calum. Every day. She didn’t want him to know that she never stopped thinking about him since the day he left her crying on her front porch. She knew it was wrong—she was with Owen now, and she shouldn’t still be thinking about Calum, but she couldn’t help it. “What about you?” Parker looked down, just noticing his guitar. “What’s with the guitar?”

Calum looked down to his case, then back up to Parker. “Uh, I play here, now. Couple nights a week,” he admitted.

Parker’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Wow, that’s—good for you,” she smiled, and Calum had almost forgotten how much he’d missed her smile. Not a day went by that he didn’t think about it.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Gram and the boys talked me into it,” he chuckled.

Parker smiled. “How are they?”

“Boys are good, Gram’s really good,” he replied, smiling. “She came to a show the other night. I think it was too loud for her, though,” he laughed.

They stood in an awkward silence for a moment, before Parker spoke again. “Well, I should get going,” she trailed off, glancing behind him. “I’m supposed to meet Jenna,” she lied. She wasn’t sure why, but the thought of telling Calum she was going to meet her new boyfriend left a sour taste in her mouth.

“Yeah, okay,” Calum nodded. “See you around.” He picked up his case, moving to step around her and heading in the direction of the parking lot.

When he was a dozen feet away, she turned back to him. “Hey, Cal?” she called out.

He turned, and there was an expression on his face Parker couldn’t quite read. Expectant? Hopeful? She wasn’t sure. She opened her mouth, thought better of what she was about to say, and closed it again. She offered him a close-lipped smile. “It was good to see you again,” she said honestly. God, she missed him.

Calum smiled back. “You too, angel.” He hadn’t meant for the nickname he used to call her to slip out, but it did, and he wasn’t sorry. He watched a blush creep up her cheeks before she turned and walked away, and it gave him a small bit of satisfaction knowing he still had that effect on her.

• • • • • •

That night when Parker met up with Owen, he picked up on her visibly shaken nerves right away.

“Are you okay?” he asked her, concern drawing his brows together.

“Yeah,” she smiled. “I’m fine. Just—had a close call with another car on the road, and I’m still a bit shaken,” she lied easily.

He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. “I’m glad you’re safe,” he murmured into her hair, rubbing her back.

He was so sweet. Thoughtful, caring, selfless. Parker liked Owen. She really did. He just—wasn’t Calum. She wouldn’t have hesitated to fall head over heels for him a few months ago. But things were different now. She couldn’t open her heart to Owen, because it didn’t belong to her—it still belonged to Calum.

» » » » » »

Calum was over at Gram’s for dinner after work, enjoying his favourite meal. Calum didn’t mind cooking for himself, and he wasn’t bad at it, but there was something special about someone else cooking for you. He loved Gram’s cooking, and she loved having someone else other than herself to cook for.

“Guess who I ran into the other night,” Calum mumbled over a mouthful.

“Young man, how old are you?” she chided. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

He swallowed, grinning. “Sorry. I said, ‘guess who I ran into the other night’?”

“That’s better,” she nodded. “Who?”

“Parker,” he sighed.

“Oh,” Gram said, surprised. “And?”

“She looks good. She saw me coming out of The Wildflower and I told her about me playing there, but she left in a hurry.” Calum sighed deeply, moving his dinner around the plate with his fork.

“You miss her,” Gram said, though it wasn’t a question.

“Like crazy,” he admitted, meeting her eyes. “I fuc—” he stopped, correcting himself when he noted the disapproving look on Gram’s face. “Sorry. I messed it up,” he said. “She’s too good for me. And I hurt her.”

“Calum Thomas Hood,” Gram scolded, swatting him on the arm. “She is not too good for you. She was lucky to have you. You need to stop being so hard on yourself,” she said softly. “Look at how far you’ve come, and you did it all on your own. You have every right to be happy, too.”

“I still love her, Gram.”

“I know, dear. So why don’t you call her? Doesn’t hurt to try,” she said optimistically.

“Maybe I will.”

• • • • • •

When Calum got home that night, he spent the rest of the night fighting with himself about whether he should call her. Ultimately, he decided a text might be better. He hoped and prayed that she hadn’t changed her number. God knows he almost did, just so he wouldn’t be tempted to answer the phone every time she called him in the days following their breakup. It took everything in him not to pick up. He took a deep breath, and typed out a message:

Good to see you the other night, love. Wanna grab a coffee this week? Catch up?

His finger hovered over the send button, but he hesitated. He didn’t know if he could take being rejected by her if she didn’t feel the same way anymore. He was doing good, far happier than he had been when he was working at Rudy’s. But part of him still doubted that he could make her happy. So he erased the message and lay in bed, lonely, wishing he could wrap his arms around her.

» » » » » »

Parker hadn’t stopped thinking about Calum since the night she ran into him on the street. She looked him up on Instagram, closing out of his profile several times and going back to it after trying and failing to convince herself she shouldn’t be going down this road. His most recent post was from last night, a short black-and-white clip of him playing the piano, with a caption underneath that read:

working on some new music, come and see me at The Wildflower tomorrow at 9 for a sneak peek ;)

Parker checked the time—8:42. Before she could even think about what she was doing, she threw on a beanie and her jacket, hoping that if she stayed towards the back he wouldn’t notice her. She slipped through the doors at 8:56, and Calum was just getting his things set up on the little stage.

Parker made her way to a quiet corner where she could see Calum clearly, but his view of her would be obstructed by the three guys sitting at a table in front of her, which suited her perfectly. A server came to her table and asked if she was ready to order. She hadn’t planned on ordering anything, but the girl had an annoyed look on her face, so Parker ordered a drink to appease her, requesting that she bring the cheque with it so she could pay ahead and slip out quietly as soon as Calum’s set was done.

Parker was at a loss for words when Calum finished his set. She knew he was talented—he had played for her a few times when they were together—but it was like he was born to be up on stage. He had the entire audience’s attention from the beginning to the end, herself included. She almost passed out when he hopped off stage and started walking towards her. She was frozen in place, unable to react. Then he stopped at the table in front of her with the three men that had blocked his view, and sat down. Parker felt like an idiot when she realized that the guys at the table were Ashton, Michael and Luke, and she hadn’t even recognized them. She pulled the beanie down farther on her head and stood as quickly and quietly as she could, slipping around the corner and out the front door before they saw her.

What she didn’t know was that Calum had looked up when she stood, and he caught a flash of blonde hair and unmistakable grey eyes before she disappeared out the front door.

• • • • • •

When Calum was on stage tonight, he thought he had hallucinated when he saw Parker sitting behind the boys. Then, when he saw her leave, he couldn’t help but smirk at her complete failure at attempting to be subtle. He swelled with satisfaction that she had come to see him perform, but he would let her think that she escaped without being seen. For now. He slept easy that night, a small spark of hope ignited in his chest.

» » » » » »

Calum and the boys went out on Saturday night to celebrate John offering him another night a week at The Wildflower and finally making enough money to be able to quit his soul-sucking office job. They had gone for a late dinner and were now waiting in line to get into a club downtown. The bouncer took their IDs and stamped them, waving them in behind him. It took Calum all of seven seconds to spot her on the dancefloor, and his heart dropped in his chest.

There she was, beautiful as ever, dancing up close and personal with some dude, and she seemed to be enjoying it. Jenna was right next to her, dancing with someone, too.

Calum tore his eyes away, his celebratory mood suddenly soured. He wasted no time in heading to the bar, ordering two shots with his beer and downing them one after another. If he was going to enjoy this night, drunk was the only way it was going to happen.

• • • • • •

Calum had loosened up a bit after an hour or so. He was standing with Michael, waiting for Luke and Ashton to return from the bar with their drinks. The boys had been ordering one round of drinks after another, and Calum was feeling buzzed. He glanced over at Parker every so often, and the same guy was still glued to her.

“You’re being creepy, dude,” Michael nudged him in the side. “We can go somewhere else, if you want,” he offered.

Calum shook his head. “I’m fine. We’re here to celebrate,” he grinned, reaching into his jacket pocket and producing a joint. “Come outside with me.”

Michael rolled his eyes but he returned his best friends’ shit-eating grin, following Calum outside onto the patio.

• • • • • •

Calum placed the joint between his lips, pulling his lighter out of his pocket and inhaling deeply as he felt the familiar spark in his lungs. He held it in for a few seconds, exhaling a cloud of smoke before passing it to Michael. He did the same, and they passed it back and forth until there was nothing left but a roach.

“You think she’s with that guy in there?” Michael asked finally, nodding his head towards the door.

Calum leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. “I don’t know, mate. Kinda looks like it.”

“The world works in mysterious ways,” the blonde giggled. “Have patience. Patience comes to—no, good things have patience—fuck! What is it?”

Calum shot his best friend a quizzical look, and the two of them burst into a fit of laughter. Michael hardly ever smoked, and he turned into a blubbering idiot when he did. Calum could always count on Michael to make him laugh, even if it was usually at his expense.

“What I meant was,” Michael tried again after they had calmed down, “don’t give up yet. You’ve been through a lot of shit in your life. I figure eventually things are gonna have to work out for you, fate or destiny or karma or whatever the fuck it is, you know?”

Calum rolled his eyes at Michael’s less than articulate ramblings, but he appreciated the effort.

• • • • • •

Later on, long after Calum and Michael had made their way back inside, Calum caught sight of Parker. She was standing near the hallway leading to the bathrooms, talking to the blonde guy she had been dancing with earlier, her hand clasped in his. Calum watched as he kissed her on the cheek. So they were together, then. Then she smiled, though it seemed a little forced. This gave Calum a tiny bit of satisfaction. The guy dropped her hand as he pulled away and headed in the direction of the bar. Calum looked away, not wanting her to catch him staring—he wasn’t sure if she had noticed him yet.

He stepped outside for a smoke, feeling uneasy. He lit a second one when the first didn’t quite settle his nerves. Halfway through his second cigarette, the heavy metal door to his left opened, letting the loud music and hot air out with it. Calum smiled when a certain grey-eyed girl stepped out onto the patio. Everything happens for a reason. Isn’t that what Michael had said? Close enough.

“Hi, angel,” he spoke in a low voice, head back and eyes fixed ahead of him.

Parker jumped, looking to her right to see Calum leaned up against the wall, cigarette between his lips. “You scared me,” she giggled. Calum noticed right away that she was drunk.

He smirked. “Bit cold for a dress, isn’t it, love?”

She shivered. “Just needed some fresh air.”

“Blondie suffocating you?” he teased, though he had to admit it was really none of his business.

“Something like that,” she admitted. She shuffled closer and turned to him, surprised by her sudden urge to share personal details about her relationship with the man who broke her heart. “His name is Owen, by the way,” she started, but Calum interrupted her.

“No offense,” he replied, taking a drag of his cigarette, “but I don’t care what his name is.”

She shot him a dry look. “Someone’s bitter,” she muttered.

Calum barked out a laugh. “So you two are together, huh?” he asked casually, gesturing between Parker and the door leading back into the bar.

“For a month now, yeah,” she sighed. “I thought you didn’t care,” she challenged him, tilting her head.

“Fine, guilty,” Calum held his hands up in surrender. “I care. He makes you happy?” Calum knew he shouldn’t be asking her this, knew he was making it painfully obvious that he still loved her, but he couldn’t stop his mouth from moving.

“Owen’s nice, yeah,” she breathed, but there was a faraway look in her eyes. Calum knew that look. She wasn’t really happy.

“Saw you at my show the other night,” he said, changing the subject suddenly. So much for letting her believe she snuck out unnoticed.

Parker’s grey eyes went wide, and Calum chuckled. “You’re a lot of things, angel, but sneaky isn’t one of them.”

Her cheeks flushed pink. “Yeah, that was dumb,” she admitted. “You’re re—”

He turned abruptly, twisting his body so he was standing in front of her, hands on the wall behind her and caging her in, cigarette still held between his fingers. He brought his face so close to hers, their noses touched. “You don’t love him.” It was a statement, not a question. His eyes flickered down to her lips. God, how badly he wanted to kiss her again.

Parker shook her head without thinking. It was the truth—she wished she loved Owen, but she knew from the very beginning that she never would.

“Leave him.”

“He’s a really good guy,” she whispered. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

“You’re already hurting him, love.”

“I thought you wanted me to forget you,” she said, so quietly she wasn’t sure if he heard her.

“I lied.”

“I—” she started, but her attention was brought to the door on their left, the heavy metal creaking as it opened. Calum pulled away quickly, resuming his position a few feet away from her and taking another drag from his cigarette to slow his erratic heartbeat.

Owen poked his head out, and his face relaxed when he saw her. “There you are,” he said, coming over to where Parker stood and rubbing his hands down the length of her arms. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”

“I just needed a minute,” she smiled.

Owen glanced over to where Calum stood, but Calum pretended not to notice. He wondered briefly if Owen knew who he was. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go inside. Everyone’s leaving.” He took Parker’s hand and she followed him in. She chanced a quick look over her shoulder, but Calum wasn’t looking.

» » » » » »

Parker thought about Calum’s words all night, unable to sleep. She was supposed to go out for breakfast the next morning with Owen, Jenna and Taylor, but she texted Owen and told him that she wasn’t feeling well.

Later in the afternoon, she had made up her mind. She texted Owen and asked him if he would come over to talk. ‘Everything okay?’ had been his reply, but she didn’t respond. Within 20 minutes he was sitting on her couch, brows furrowed with concern and anticipation.

She hated confrontation, and she hated hurting people, but she saw no option other than to get it over with as quickly as possible.

“I’m just going to come right out and say it,” she started, taking a breath and letting the words tumble out. “I can’t be with you, Owen. I’m sorry. I can’t give you what you want, and it’s not fair to you.”

His eyes dropped to his lap, but he didn’t say anything.

After a few moments, Parker spoke again. “You don’t seem surprised,” she said quizzically, cocking her head to the side.

“Yeah,” Owen breathed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not. You’ve been distant lately.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” she admitted honestly.

He looked up at her. “That was him last night, wasn’t it? Outside on the patio?”

“Wh—”

“Nevermind,” he shook his head. “I don’t want to know.”

They were silent for a moment, then Owen shook his head again. “Actually, yeah, I do. Was it him?”

Parker hesitated before nodding. “Nothing happened,” she assured him.

“But you still love him.”

She nodded again. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “If I had met you a year ago—”

He placed his hand on top of hers. “It’s okay, Parker. You can’t help how you feel. It’s just—bad timing is all,” he chuckled lightly.

Parker smiled. It made it even harder for her to hurt him because of how understanding he was. “The worst,” she agreed.

He stood, and Parker followed him to the door. He slipped his shoes on, scooping up his keys from the side table. She took a step towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. “I wish things were different,” she murmured.

He relaxed around her, hugging her back and placing a kiss to the top of her head. “I know.”

He finally let her go, pulling back. “Well,” he said, reaching for the door. “Guess I’ll see you around.” He waved, and Parker’s heart broke as she watched him walk away, head down and shoulders sagging.

• • • • • •

Calum had another gig that night, and even though she was feeling guilty about hurting Owen, Parker desperately wanted to see Calum again. She decided she would go, and this time she wasn’t going to try to hide from him.

Calum was sitting at a table with the boys before his set, and he looked up when she walked through the front doors. She smiled at him, giving him a small wave. He stood to make his way over when John blocked his path, telling him it was time for him to go up on stage. He nodded, then shrugged apologetically at Parker. “Good luck,” she mouthed at him before taking a seat on one of the stools at the bar. The pub was full, and she was pretty sure it was all because of Calum.

Parker watched him intently for the entirety of his set, failing to hide her smile every time he looked up and caught her eye. She was clapping and cheering with the rest of the crowd when he thanked everyone for coming, and then he disappeared into the back. She turned around in her stool to face the bar, waiting for him to join her. When she felt someone come up to stand beside her, she smiled. Her smile faded instantly when she met the watery blue eyes of a man a few years older than her who reeked of alcohol.

“Pretty little thing like you, why are you sitting all alone?” he drawled, and it made Parker’s skin crawl. When she didn’t answer, he spoke again. “You look like you need a drink, honey.”

“No thanks,” she replied tightly, angling her body away from him in an attempt to make it clear she wasn’t interested. He didn’t seem to get the hint.

“Come on, baby girl, loosen up,” he tried again, moving closer. Parker leaned away again, trying to put more distance between them.

“I said no,” she said again, more firmly this time.

The guy was persistent, not willing to take no for an answer, and Parker was getting annoyed.

He slipped a hand around her, resting on her hip and squeezing as he leaned in close to her ear.

Just before Parker was about to get up and leave, she felt a wave of calm wash over her when she heard his voice.

“Get your hands off my girl, mate,” Calum growled, fist closing around the guy’s arm and ripping it off her before pushing him back so roughly he almost fell over. Parker’s insides went fuzzy at hearing him call her his girl. God, she had missed him saying that.

“Hey,” the guy grumbled, righting himself with one hand on the bar. “I have dibs on this one.”

“Oh, now you’ve done it, pal,” Parker heard one of the patrons laugh. This was Calum’s place, and everyone knew it. If he was going to set this scumbag straight, nobody, including John, was going to stop him.

Calum’s eyes narrowed as he stepped to the side, shielding Parker from his view. “She’s not your property.”

“Cal, just leave it,” Parker said quietly, coming to stand beside him and resting her hand on his shoulder.

“Oh yeah?” the guy challenged, quirking an eyebrow. “‘Cause I bet I could make her do all kinds of things with that pretty mouth of hers.”

Calum barely gave the guy enough time to finish his sentence before he brought his arm back and punched him so hard in the nose that he went sprawling on the floor. Blood poured from his nose, staining his teeth and dripping down the sides of his face. Parker gasped, stepping back instinctively.

Calum walked over to him, resting his booted foot on the guys’ throat.

“Calum, don’t!”

Calum had everyone’s attention now, but no one made a move to help the guy, knowing damn well he deserved to be put in his place. Calum put some of his weight down on his foot, obstructing the guy’s air flow just enough to have him squirming. He knew he was being a little bit dramatic, but he’d be damned if he let anyone disrespect Parker like that.

“Apologize,” Calum snarled.

In lieu of a reply, the guy spat on the ground beside him.

Calum pressed down harder, the guy’s face turning red from lack of oxygen. “I said, apologize.”

The guy struggled to get Calum’s foot off of him but the lack of blood flow to his brain made him weak. “Sorry,” he choked out, and Calum lifted his foot. He crouched down, Calum’s face hovering inches over the guy as he gasped to refill his lungs with air.

“Next time you think twice about speaking to a lady that way,” he said, calmly but menacingly. “Now get the fuck out of my pub.”

The guy scrambled to his feet. “Psycho,” he muttered as he wiped his face on his sleeve before rushing to the door.

Parker was still frozen in place, staring at the door. The whole encounter lasted all of two minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. No one else seemed fazed—the pub had resumed its activity from before the whole encounter.

“You okay, love?” Calum asked, slipping his finger under her chin and tipping it up to look at him.

She nodded. “That was—intense,” she breathed.

“Come for a walk with me,” he said, ticking his head towards the door for her to follow.

He held the door open for her, following her out. It was mid-February and it was snowing, but it wasn’t very cold. It was a beautiful night, really.

“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said quietly.

“You didn’t,” Parker shook her head. “But you probably scarred him for life,” she laughed lightly.

Calum grinned. “No one talks to my girl like that. He deserved it.”

There it was again—my girl. Parker’s heart swelled. “I broke up with Owen,” she said abruptly, surprising herself at her bluntness, but also relieved that now it was out in the open.

“Figured that’s why you came tonight,” he shrugged.

She bumped him with her hip. “You’re pretty confident, aren’t you?” she teased.

“I watched you with him, angel. I could tell it wasn’t real for you. You knew it, too.”

Parker sighed. “I know. He just wasn’t you,” she confessed.

Calum turned to her, brushing his right thumb over her cheek. “I’ve missed you,” he murmured.

“You left me,” she whispered, feeling the telltale sting in her throat warning her that she was about to fall apart. “Crying on my doorstep. You never answered when I called.”

He caught her right hand in his left, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it. “I know, baby. I’m sorry.”

“I could have been there for you, but you just walked away. You gave up everything, all because you didn’t believe in us.”

“Parker, I’m—”

“No, Cal, I’m not done!” she interrupted. “I waited for you. Every single day I waited for you to figure out that you were being stupid, but you never came back for me. I never once gave you any reason to believe that you weren’t good enough for me,” she wiped at her cheeks forcefully, tears staining the sleeves of her coat. “You were always good enough, but you got so wrapped up in your head that you convinced yourself I could do better. You were the only one standing in our way!”

Calum fell silent. Parker was right. Deep down, he always knew it. It was why he never answered when she called, why he drove away that night before he gave her a chance to talk. Because he knew she would convince him that he was wrong. He never gave Parker a chance to prove that she wanted him, through the good and the bad. If there was ever a time he didn’t deserve her, it was now, after everything he put her through.

Calum pressed his forehead against hers. “I have nothing else to say other than that I’m sorry. You were right about everything. I hate myself for hurting you, but it’s what I thought was right, at the time. I was wrong. I know I can’t take it back, but if you let me, I can make it right. ‘Cause I love you. And I don’t really care about anything else.”

Parker inhaled sharply. Deep down, she knew all she needed was an affirmation that he still loved her. Lord knew she never stopped loving him. And then he kissed her, and Parker forgot what it felt like to live without him.

• • • • • •

When Calum and Parker walked back into the pub holding hands, the boys started cheering and clapping.

Luke grabbed Parker around the waist, tugging her onto his lap and squeezing her tightly, making her giggle. She had missed the boys, too. “Thank god,” Luke sighed, laughing. “We thought we were never gonna hear the end of it if you two didn’t get back together.”

Calum shot Luke a stern look, but it lasted less than a second before his face split into a grin. “Hands off my lady, mate. You saw what I did to that other guy.”

“I’ve got three inches on you, brother,” he scoffed out a laugh. “I could take you.”

“Okay, boys, relax. No one else needs to fight over me tonight,” Parker laughed. “You won’t get into trouble for that, will you?” Parker asked, suddenly worried about the fight she inadvertently caused. She couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason Calum got fired from another job.

“For taking out that asshole? God, no. Don’t worry, doll. John would never fire me.”

“We were gonna head out, Cal,” Ashton piped up. “You coming?”

“I can take you home,” Parker offered, turning to Calum.

He leaned down to whisper in her ear so the boys wouldn’t hear. “Only if you stay,” he murmured.

Parker smiled. They had a lot of catching up to do, and she was pretty sure neither of them would be sleeping much tonight.

Michael hugged her tight as the boys left the pub. “It’s good to have you back, P,” he murmured. “We missed you.”

» » » » » »

Despite having a very late night, Calum had the best sleep in what felt like years. He woke with Parker laying on his chest, the sound of her breathing letting a feeling of bliss wash over him. He didn’t realize quite how lonely his bed had been until he had Parker back in it. He loved this woman—there was no doubt in his mind that he would do anything for her. He counted himself lucky that she was willing to come back to him after hurting her the way he did, and he swore that he’d never let her go again.

taglist: @treatallwithkindness @oopsiedoopsie23 @tunnnelvision @wildflower-mmr @crazytarotanon

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calmlftv · 4 years ago

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i'm gonna be cheeky and put in for a mix of prompts on this one. “You’re worth it.”, “I’m not going anywhere.”, “Who hurt you?” and “Nothing is wrong with you.”. pls just go for my heart i love u

okay preface: u asked for this.

warning: mentions/small details of an accident & occurring injuries.

****

“Baby?” Ashton’s panicked voice filtered through your mind, somehow breaking through the murky water and cotton clouds as you were pulled from your sleep.

Your eyes fluttered open, almost immediately closing again as the harsh lighting of your hospital room came into focus, your head turning away from it as Ashton’s hand gently ran through your hair.

Finally, you focused your gaze on him, one eye swollen and bruised as he smiled at you.

“Ash,” you breathed, your voice raspy. “Who hurt you?”

Your husband chuckled, pulling his chair right against the edge of your bed as he took your hand and kissed it. “Don’t worry about that, baby,” he said, his eyes dragging down your body that was lifeless 12 hours ago.

A doctor came in, a small smile on his lips as he slowly entered the room.

“Look who’s awake,” he said kindly, eyes trained on the machines around you as he wrote something down. “How are you feeling, Miss?”

You slowly turned your head towards the doctor, your voice still mostly missing when you spoke again. “Okay,” you mumbled, flinching at the pain in your throat before a warm wave of painkiller washed over you. “What happened to me?”

The doctor gave you another kind smile as he knelt down by your head, hand on your shoulder as he gently squeezed. “You were in an accident, but you’re okay,” he nodded, his voice so soothing you really couldn’t argue. He looked at Ashton now. “We’re going to have to run some tests, if you wouldn’t mind-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he snapped, hand around yours tightening. The doctor seemed to accept this, moving towards the door and gesturing for a team of nurses to come in, all of them filtering in with big smiles on their faces as they saw you awake.

For the next few months, your life was turbulent, to say the least.

You had broken more bones than ever before, your lungs aching every time you took a breath due to your broken ribs. Physical therapy was attended weekly for the leg and wrist that were shattered, the healing process incredibly slow on those two as Ashton stuck by your side.

But the worst part was the nightmares.

You’d wake up crying, panic attacks rolling over you as you forced yourself to sit up, Ashton stirring beside you.

It felt like every night you were crying into his chest, the terrifying images of you dead seared into your mind as you begged Ashton to tell you what was wrong with you. And every time, he’d cup your face so gently, so lovingly, and press a kiss to your forehead as he said, “Nothing is wrong with you.”

The positive side was every step you took, every dumbbell you lifted, and every smile you gave was a sign of your strength returning. Ashton proudly helped you get around, seating you in the studio during his busy days and showering you with enough love to make you sick. He stayed glued to your side during your process, every appointment on his calendar and every success being celebrated.

It was at another P.T. appointment on a very special day that you got frustrated, the therapist helping you work through a muscle cramp as you laid on your back, Ashton hovering above you.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, your husband raising an eyebrow at you. “I know this isn’t exactly a good way to celebrate our anniversary.”

Ashton chuckled, leaning down to kiss you sweetly. “You’re worth it,” he said sweetly, reaching over to grab your water and hand it to you. “Worth all of this.”

#i'm gonna end it there bc i'm awful #love u bb thank u #blurbs.ai #requests #ashton irwin #5sos #irwinkitten

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burstingsunrise · 4 years ago

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hi molly!! how about “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” for malum? :) <3

another challenge! some malum for you! 💜i realize this was supposed to be fluffy love prompts but something about this one just SPOKE to me and i went a slightly more chaotic route. this technically takes place within the bake off au but it stands on its own. words: 1466 tw: none on ao3 here. It’s not that Michael missed Luke when he was off filming for Bake Off . He definitely didn’t. He just missed Luke’s delicious treats. The only reason he even agreed to go over to Luke’s flat the first day after his two week post-Bake Off quarantine is because he’s been craving lemon bars and Luke promised to make a batch of his really fucking amazing lemon bars. Not too sweet, not too tangy.

It’s also Michael’s first opportunity to formally meet Ashton, and he’s hoping to make a better impression than he did the first time around. He doesn’t want Luke’s new boyfriend to only know him as the guy who asks strangers if they have any marriageable friends.

Michael’s multitasking as he steps onto the tube, texting Luke that he’s on his way as he swings into the seat just inside the door of the empty tube car. Except the seat hits his arse sooner than he expects, and it’s strangely lumpy. And it’s moving.

“What the fuck, man?”

Michael springs to his feet when he hears the words in his ear and looks down, red-faced, at the person who he just inadvertently sat on.

It’s a guy about his age with dark, wavy hair and expressive brown eyes that are staring at Michael, a vaguely menacing frown on his perfect face. It’s a shame Michael had to have sat on him under these particular circumstances, because in pretty much any other scenario he’d be more than happy to sit on this guy’s lap. The first thing he’d do is run his fingers through that beautiful hair. Maybe undo a couple of the buttons on his white shirt. See where it goes from there.

The guy clears his throat and Michael realizes that silently undressing this stranger with his eyes is probably not helping the situation. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” he sputters. “I wasn’t paying attention. Sorry.” He looks down at the floor and starts backing away from the stranger, figuring this guy would probably prefer if the weirdo who sat on him kept his distance.

But the guy grins at him, and in half a second he goes from hot and mildly threatening to sweet and adorable. Michael realizes he’s grinning back at him despite never actually deciding to do it.

“Don’t worry about it. Most action I’ve had in six weeks,” the guy says with a chuckle, eyes roaming up and down Michael’s body in a way that makes Michael stand a little taller and throw his shoulders back. The guy turns his attention to his phone and Michael drops into a seat at the other end of the car.

They both get off at the same stop, and Michael’s forced to follow Tube Guy up the steps and out onto the sidewalk. It’s a little awkward, but Michael is pretty sure the guy hasn’t noticed him trailing behind, so he just tries to continue keeping a safe distance between them. Once they’re out of the station, Tube Guy turns in the same direction as Luke’s flat, and Michael sighs quietly. All he can do is keep following. He sends a quick text to Luke.

Michael: might be arrested for stalking soon pls answer your phone if police station calls.

Luke immediately responds with a peace sign emoji and Michael rolls his eyes. Things start to get tricky when Tube Guy suddenly slows his pace, head bent over his phone, and Michael quickly gains ground on him.

Tube Guy must hear Michael’s footsteps behind him, because he shifts to the edge of the sidewalk to make way and glances over his shoulder. He does a double take when he sees Michael behind him. He smiles nervously and gives Michael a little wave, which he seems to immediately regret and tries to cover by moving his hand to scratch his head.

Michael stifles a laugh. “I swear I’m not following you.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you were.” Tube Guy shrugs and, to Michael’s surprise, falls into step next to him.

“Did you just get out of prison or something?” Michael asks. Tube Guy looks at him, perplexed. “You said you hadn’’t gotten any action in six weeks,” Michael clarifies. “Thought maybe you just got sprung.”

“Close,” the guy says, with a chuckle. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you though.” He goes back to watching his phone carefully as he walks, and Michael doesn’t want to accidentally stumble into awkward territory, so he leaves it be. He’s almost to Luke’s anyway.

“Well, mysterious Tube Guy, this is where I leave you,” he says, peeling off to climb the stoop to Luke’s front door and pressing the buzzer. “Was nice sitting on you.”

Tube Guy chuckles and opens his mouth to respond, then he skids to a halt, studying his phone with a frown. He looks up at Michael, squinting in confusion, then his face breaks into a mischievous grin and he climbs the two cobblestone stairs to stand next to Michael.

Michael stares at him, suddenly realizing maybe he’s the one in danger. Maybe all this time he spent worrying that Tube Guy was going to think he was a stalker would have been better spent worrying about whether Tube Guy was going to kill him. And now he’s brought a murderer right to Luke’s front door! Luke’s never going to forgive him if he ends up dead because Michael sat on a murderer’s lap on the tube and then led said murderer to Luke’s doorstep.

The door opens, and the second he sees Luke peering at him, Michael tries to silently communicate that Luke should really shut the door and call 999 while he’s still got time. At least one of them needs to make it out alive.

Unfortunately, that’s a really hard thing to say with just your eyes and a few manic facial expressions, and Luke is utterly clueless as usual. He just grins at Michael and gestures for Michael and the murderer to come inside. This is a new level of clueless, even for Luke.

Michael quickly jumps in front of the murderer and crosses into Luke’s flat, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Why did you just slam the door in Calum’s face?” Luke whines, grabbing at Michael’s hand to try to open the door. Michael holds firm, but Luke is deceptively strong (must be all that mixing) and manages to dislodge Michael’s hand from the doorknob in short order. He pulls the door back open and the murderer is still standing there, an amused smile on his face.

Michael grabs Luke’s sleeve to drag him away from the door and starts to dial 999 on his phone when he registers what Luke had just said and pauses. Does Luke know the murderer? Calum? The name sounds familiar. The guy who was on Bake Off with Luke is a murderer?

“What the fuck, Michael?” Luke pulls his arm out of Michael’s grasp. “Come on in, Cal.”

The murderer - Calum - casually steps into the foyer. Suddenly he lunges at Michael and Michael screeches, crossing his arms protectively in front of his face. Calum and Luke both burst into laughter, and Michael lowers his arms slowly.

“What is your deal, man?” Luke asks, still giggling.

Michael’s face is bright red as his brain plays catch-up. He smiles sheepishly at Calum. “Sorry. I may have thought you were going to kill us there for a minute.”

“Why did you show up at my front door with him if you thought he was going to kill us?” Michael thinks that’s pretty rich coming from Luke, seeing as he literally threw himself in front of a potential murderer in an attempt to save them both.

“I didn’t think he was going to kill us until he followed me to your front door,” Michael replies defensively. “Before that he was just the guy I accidentally sat on and then imagined naked on the tube.”

“Is that what you were doing?” Calum asks. Michael shrugs, a yeah, and what about it? look on his face. Calum nods approvingly. “That’s what I was doing too.”

Michael had already kind of assumed - it’s not like Calum had been subtle about checking him out - but it’s nice to have the confirmation. He puffs his chest out a little and eyes Calum boldly.

Luke throws up his hands and walks toward the kitchen. “I don’t know what’s going on here but I don’t want any part of it. Go sit down and I’ll bring out the food.” He disappears around the corner, leaving Michael and Calum alone in the foyer.

“C’mon, Calum,” Michael says with a grin, grabbing Calum by the wrist and leading him into Luke’s living room. “You can sit on my lap this time.”

#ask #prompt #5sos fic #malum fic #michaelownsmyheart #this is a thing i did

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ashtcnirwin · 3 years ago

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god typing your url is always so hard for me i don't know why but i always want to type ashtocn ANYWAY how about this: gimme a director's cut for jalex in paris, change my mind fic, or makeup artist ashton fic. yes those are the three you wrote for me. i'm giving you the option to only break down one of them if you don't wanna have to dig into all three. but like you can hit all three if you wanna! go crazy. whatever floats your boat. love youuu xoxo bella

you and me both, i keep spelling it as aschtnirwin whenever i have to type it out🤡

hmm giving me choices... i like that, thank u miss bella! i haven’t really talked much about any of these fics (that i can remember), and i can’t quite make up (heh heh) my mind (heh heh) so i’ll just do all three and here’s to hoping i can keep it at least a little bit short

⭐ we’re doing director’s cut of fics guys⭐

jalex in paris aka we go together (or we don’t go down at all)

writing this fic was really hard in one way because i’d never written a fic for a fandom that i barely knew anything about, and i remember that i spent that whole morning/early afternoon looking at atl interviews and miscellaneous vids to get a tiny teeny grasp of their vibes. and it’s like...when you’re part of a fandom, you keep picking up all these little pieces of information about whatever/whoever it is you’re a fan of, things that you won’t find on a wiki page or anything, but to try and pick up all those little details in one day just wasn’t gonna happen obviously.

i think you, bella, commented on smth in the fic, a little detail or smth that didn’t add up with the real people, and i never went back to fix it (cos it just...didn’t matter to the story at all really) but i remember thinking to myself like “ah fuck...okay making little mistakes like that is really irritating cos if this was 5sos (or 1d for that matter) i’d never ever make a mistake like that”, yk?

anyway, i love paris a lot, i’ve been there a few times, and i’d been meaning to write you some jalex for a while when...either sam or meghna said smth about jalex in paris, and i thought...yeah...i can do that...mhm. so i did. and you know me, i’m usually all about the angst and the emotional torture and the heartbreak and all that stuff, BUT in addition to this fic being written for you and i know you’re all about the easy love, writing this as angsty or have jalex have a bigass argument over their relationship or anything like that just didn’t feel right AT ALL.

in my mind at least, the combination of how jalex act irl, both as individuals and as a duo, and the general vibe i was going for in the fic, the easy love-path was the only thing that made sense. it was just like...they spent a day wandering around paris, being a little chaotic, and ended with them sitting at a restaurant in the early evening, waiting for their dinner, and then jack just being like “are we on a date?”, totally casual, and then that was it, sort of. no conflict, no long conversation, no colliding expectations, etc etc, and it was lovely to write.

(but ofc, in true me-fashion, i had to throw SOMETHING in there, hence the nods towards a fwb-arrangement)

(in my defense, if it wasn’t for that, there never would’ve been a ‘is this a date?’-question tho so)

and i really, really enjoyed writing this piece, far more than i thought i would, and getting to write about parisian vibes (and cute boys complaining about awfully hot parisian summer weather) was just...i felt like a soft boiled egg by the time i finished and posted it😌

change my mind-fic aka we dance along

would you believe that this was the first fic i ever wrote that was inspired by a song? actually, so far it’s the only song-inspired fic i’ve written, i haven’t written another one since. why haven’t i? it was so much fun...huh

well i’m a wh*re for 1d, i was deep into the fandom back in the heyday, and this song was my sad jam back when tmh came out, so writing a fic for it eight years later and for a different fandom was...it felt a little odd, ngl, especially since i wrote it as non-au? which would indicate that 1d exists in this universe? and that 5sos went on tour with them? i don’t think i put a direct timestamp on the fic, but they were in stockholm when the events of the fic went down and it was established that they were in sheffield a week prior, so that would have been the myt tour, so...yeah, they would have toured with 1d a few years prior, and now they’re hanging out, drunk, in an hotel room, speaking in 1d lyrics? that’s a vibe

just like the jalex in paris-fic, there’s easy love here, too. i think i said something in the club a little while back (it might have been in response to...nik asking for general writing tips?) about how sometimes, people just...do things, they don’t think it through, they don’t stress out about it or anything; they want something and they go for it, and it just isn’t deeper than that. not everything has to be super fucking deep, right?

and i remember thinking as i was getting started on writing malum’s whole conversation about what went down in sheffield, that if any 5sos ship was gonna hook up and then a week later be like “ykw? i like you, i liked kissing you, i liked hooking up with you, so let’s just run with it and see where it takes us” with just a brief, minor freakout and not getting themselves into a whole pining, angsty situation over it, it would be malum. cos the basic premise of this fic COULD have been turned into an angsty slow burn, no doubt, but it made sense to me to drop the argument all together and just go for a soft and easy conversation

makeup artist ashton au aka something old, something new

ah awkward, nervous luke...loml. this one was SO FUCKING HARD to write for the sole reason that idk shit about makeup, like i’m literally barely able to paint my own face without ending up looking like heath ledger in the dark knight, u feel? had it only been hairdresser!ashton. i know way more about hair. well anyway doesn’t matter.

it’s been so long since i wrote that fic now (or, it feels like it’s been super long, in all actuality it’s only been like half a year) and i wrote it so quickly that i can’t remember a lot about my thought process as i wrote it, tbh?

the only thing that stands out to me is the line in the fic that goes, “He chooses to not say anything about the fact that it’s the judgement he’s passing on himself that’s the main problem.” because while i’m obviously not gonna sit here and speak for everyone else, i often find that when i make a big change in my life, be it with my looks or my job or my studies or in personal relationships or whatever else, i tend to be more focused on judging myself for whatever it is i just did than i am on whatever judgement other people may be passing on me.

i wrote luke as being super nervous and unsure about asking ashton to put makeup on him, but his nerves definitely came more from being scared of taking that step than from worrying about other people judging him. i didn’t elaborate on it in the fic as far as i can remember, but i imagine that the reason he was so nervous was that he was scared of taking another leap away from traditional masculinity and what it might lead to. i feel like...a part of him was hoping that he wouldn’t like his face with makeup on, simply because then he could take it all off and carry on with his life, but well, that didn’t happen. he’s a pretty boi, even prettier with makeup.

also, in hindsight, i realise that this is one of those fics that could have been left pairing-less and it wouldn’t really have changed the story much at all. the focus of the fic was very much on luke, not as much on the interactions between him and ashton, and i think the main reason why i did include some flirting (or, clumsy attempts at flirting at least (luke just going ‘hey do u have snapchat? pls? i wanna talk to u more)) was that it’s become more or less second nature to me when writing fic to include at least a nod or two towards a romantic relationship?

yeah i did not manage to keep any of these particularly short? surprise surprise but thank u bella for giving me the chance to talk abt these fics that i have a tendency to forget abt, ily🧡

#this was neat #not the fics i think abt very often (or at all) but getting the chance to do it was really really great so thank u bella #ask #bella #fic ask

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shittyfandomimagines · 5 years ago

Text

Wedding Blues-CH

Been a hot minute since I’ve posted about this cutie 🥺

GIF creds to owner❤️

I did not edit or spell check this, so god pls forgive me😂

White laced gown, navy blue accents with a hint of maroon in the flower bouquet, champagne pink included into the reception hall and our gowns; I mean this wedding was like my dream come true.

I signed the guestlist for my friend's wedding, Adam and Alissa had been together for years, been my friends since college, so this was a long time coming.

“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” Calum’s voice shocked me, I turned around slowly to see him dressed in a white button up and black slacks. “It looks just as amazing as someone else does right now.” I look him up and down as he was standing in front of me. He rolls his eyes and reaches out for me.

I hug him the best I can without smearing my makeup on his shirt, him and Alissa would kill me both.

“Baby, you look just as amazing. This color makes you look... wow.” He sizes me up and I roll my eyes. “I’d love to stay and chit chat but the photos are about to start and I gotta go. Bridesmaids duties never end.” I joke and he rolls his eyes.

“Fine, but make sure to take some on a cell phone so I can update my lock-screen.” He winks and my heart melts. “I will, I love you.” I kiss his lips shortly and he smiles. “I love you more. See you inside, rockstar.”

“Do you think you’re ever gonna walk down that aisle with Calum? It’s been like 5 years now, hasn’t it?” Melissa asks while we lined up in front of the doors. “We’ve talked about it, sure. We’re both too busy for that now.”

“I mean it’s been this long, if he hasn’t committed to it yet, then he never will.” She says and my heart drops. “I don’t believe that.” I say and Melissa shrugs.

“I agree, it’s been this long.” Kennedy says from behind me, I felt like throwing up. I don’t know why I let them affect me this much. I don’t know if it’s the slight jealousy of this being the 3rd wedding we’ve attended in the past 2 months or if I’m just an insecure piece of shit, but either way, my heart was dead.

“Enough of that, it’s time to start.” The wedding planner cut us short as the doors opened slowly.

Everyone looked back at the three of us as we walked together with the groomsmen, I caught a glimpse of Cal smiling and winking at me, but I quickly looked away before I accidentally cried.

Soon, Alissa came in and the ceremony started. I would sneak glances at Calum and he’d be staring solely at me, which made me look away or put my head down.

I loved the thought of marriage with Calum more than anything, but it just was always the thing on the back burner. We haven’t even talked about marriage in at least 7 months.

What if it was true, that if he was to commit he would’ve done it by now. But he’s a super star, marriage obviously isn’t something that sells.

Maybe my life will as be that saying “always the bridesmaid but never the bride.”

——

The party really started when the mini bar opened up and I could get my hands on any type of liquor.

“You looked amazing up there.” I heard Calum’s voice before a hand wrapped around at my side.

“Thanks babe!” I tried to force a fake smile, but he saw right through me. “What’s wrong?” He asked and I shook my head. “Nothing I promise! I am just exhausted, I’ve been up doing this bridesmaid thing since 7 am. I’m sorry.” I pout slightly and he kissed my lips shortly.

“You sure?” He asks while moving my hair out of the way.

“Pinky promise.” I lie as I stick my pinky out to his while he connects.

“Do you want to catch a table together?” He asks and I shake my head. “Can’t, she put my placement card over at the head table.” I point and he frowns.

“She didn’t put you by Liam, did she?” He asks while winking at me, Liam was an old high school fling.

“No, he’s at the opposite end.” I smile softly and he just turns his head to the side a little, I saw so many wheels turning. “Okay well I’ll catch up with you at the first dance. Text me from up there, please. I miss you.” He kisses my forehead before walking over to an empty seat by our old friends.

I just felt like my life wasn’t as shiny as everyone else’s. I mean yeah I am dating the sweetest man on this planet, I have an amazing job, and I know he loves me but what if that’s just it? What if he doesn’t see a future with me and he is just blinded by it just being boring old us. What if he doesn’t want to marry me and that’s why he hasn’t asked by now? I’ve been to 3 weddings as the bridesmaid this year and I haven’t once considered that maybe I’m not good enough to be the bride.

I feel so happy for my friends because they just seem so happy, but what if I’m not cutting it for him anymore?

——

“Now it’s time for the ladies to gather around for the bouquet toss, come on girls!” I hear the DJ announce, I hadn’t even moved out of my seat since I sat down. I skipped the whole dancing thing, I could see Calum’s disappointment but I guess he didn’t mind too much.

“C’mon y/n, that means you too.” Alissa yells and I move to stand behind her, the crowd of women intoxicatedly happy.

“3, 2, 1!” The crowd yells but Alissa doesn’t throw the bouquet, she turns around slowly to hand it to Kennedy who was front and center. Kennedy seemed confused before she turns around to see her boyfriend, Grayson, on one knee.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!!!

They’ve been together for a whole year and they’re getting married before me? Someone better call Ashton Kutcher and the camera crew out here before I fucking lose it.

I roll my eyes before I march my happy ass back to my assigned seat. What the actual fuck?

——

“Baby?” Calum sounded upset behind me, I turn around to see him looking extremely exhausted. “Yeah!” I fake my happiness when I speak.

“I’m gonna head home, partying doesn’t feel like me tonight, so I’ll see you there. I know you’ve got a few more bridesmaid duties to do before you can go.” He sounded just as off as I did.

“Oh, yeah! I do. I’ll see you at home, don’t wait up for me.” I smile lightly and he nods.

He kisses my cheek softly before he walks out of the venue.

—

“Everyone, please give it up and say goodbye for a few days to the new mister and misses Adam Walker!” The DJ yells as the couple makes it to the venue doors. The 6 of us in the bridal party were lined up with them and their parents.

Alissa gave out hugs until she finally got to me. “You okay?” She asks and I nod shortly. “I am all bridesmaid out, I hope you have fun.” I give her a hug and she nods. “I will, tell Cal hi for us. Love y’all.” She said before turning away, was my pain that obvious or??

——

I finally made it home and my feet were beyond dead.

“Baby, is that you?” Calum’s voice called out, fuck. Fuck.

“Yeah, it’s me.” I put my keys down and then my purse.

I turn the corner and almost run flat into him, I apologize quietly and move towards the stairs.

“Did I say something today? Or do something?” Calum asks from behind me, I could hear the pain in his voice.

“No, it wasn’t you. I’m just tired.” I lie and take the first stair. “I believed that for a few minutes and I’m sure you are tired, but that’s not it. You’re avoiding me and you didn’t even text or dance with me. You just seem pissed off at the world or me, if it’s me then I am sorry.” His voice stops me, I slack my shoulders.

“You didn’t do or say anything Cal. Sorry.” I say as I make my way up the stairs before he stops me again, but it didn’t matter because he was up the stairs shortly after me.

“I hear you but I don’t feel you.” He says as he grabs my arm loosely. “It’s not anything you’ll understand because I don’t even understand it myself.” I sigh and face him, he physically softened a little at that but it didn’t last long.

“Just talk to me baby, please. You know it won’t be stupid, we’ve been doing this for 5 years now, we’ve got this.” He soothes and I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, 5 fucking years. That’s the problem.” I grunt and move out of his grip and into the bathroom. I find the makeup wipes and start to scrub my face. “What does that mean!” He exclaims and I shake my head.

“We’ve been together for 5 years and you haven’t asked me.” I felt like a stupid bitch for even talking.

“Asked you what?” He sounded absolutely clueless.

“To marry you Cal! Marriage! Why are we even dating still, if you don’t plan on starting a family between us then what’s the point anymore!” I slightly raised my voice and he takes a step back.

“What? Of course there’s a point to us. How do you know I don’t want to marry you? We’ve talked about it before!” He was getting just as frustrated.

“If you haven’t committed to it now then you never will, and other people think that too! It’s been so long since we’ve ever spoke of marriage Calum.” I fold my arms across my chest.

“There’s more to love than a ceremony and a ring! If that’s all that matters instead of the 5 years of loving each other solely, then I’m not the problem here! I can’t believe marriage is so important to you as a sign of commitment, like I haven’t gave you all of me! You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” He shouts and I jump slightly, taking a big step back.

He was right though, maybe right with his voice too damn loud, but nevertheless.

There was more to love than a ring or paper, I just felt like that’s what it should end up at, but it’s not. Paper doesn’t change commitment, it changes titles.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you like that or scare you.” He moved closer and I nodded.

“Please talk to me. I’m sorry and we can work it out.” I wasn’t avoiding talking because I was scared or upset that he yelled, I just knew he was right and I felt like a fucking idiot.

“Baby,” his voice was shaky and I grabbed ahold of his hand softly. “You shouldn’t be sorry, I’m the freaking idiot here. You were right, it’s not about a ring or paper. I’m sorry that I overreacted and ruined a nice time.” I admit and he lets out a sigh of relief.

“It’s okay, I understand. You do know that I want to marry the fuck out of you, right? Because I swear to God, I’ll fly us to Las Vegas right now.” He jokes and I nod, laughing a little.

“I don’t want to elope and I don’t want you to feel like you have to propose any time soon. You’re right and I can wait, because my commitment and love for you will stay the same regardless.” I hug him and he chuckles lightly.

“I love you.” He kisses my cheek and I smile warmly. “I love you more.”

“If someone ever gets proposed to at our wedding though, I swear I will go into labor at their wedding and die at their fucking funeral.” I joke and he laughs, eyes crinkling and all warm like.

“Note taken.”

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calums--penguin · 5 years ago

Note

hey could you write a luke imagine that’s kinda angst with a fluffy ending??

word count: 1.8k

warnings: cheating, swearing, angry luke & angst i guess

summary: you’re so sick of being in love with luke so you find a new boyfriend to distact yourself, but feelings don’t disappear overnight.

a/n: v cliche angst but i just wanted to write something so ;) and i haven’t done any 5sos writing in forever so this may suck so pls leave comments to tell me how i did thank u

Luke had never said he liked you, nor had he even given any indication that he had any feelings of attraction towards you. It didn’t take you long to realise that you had to move on despite your irrefutable feelings for the curly-haired man.

You were close friends, you always had been, you would hang out together and go to the movies but that’s all you would ever be. Friends.

Calum had told you countless times to make a move, that your feelings for each other were obvious but you refused to admit it. You were sure Luke had no romantic feelings towards you, the countless girls he flirted with in front of you was a clear notion of his feelings.

So you decided that the best way to move on was to find someone new, someone else who would capture your heart in the same way that he had. Unfortunately, you were unsuccessful in your venture.

You had found someone, his name was Chris, he was tall and muscular and would normally be everything you would look for. Apart from the fact that he wasn’t Luke.

Regardless of your confusing feelings, you decided to give it a shot. You knew your feelings wouldn’t go away as soon as you found someone new and so you decided to give yourself some time to move on, using your new boyfriend as help.

It wasn’t fair to date someone knowing you were still completely in love with somebody else but you did it anyway, no longer caring about the repercussions.

Michael had decided to throw a party when they got back from tour. As much as you enjoyed spending time with the band and everyone else, the thought of introducing your new boyfriend to Luke was something you weren’t looking forward to at all.

Calum was the first to greet you when you got to the party, his voice strained as he shouted over the booming music but he was happy to see you. He was shocked to see your new boyfriend, his plans of getting you and Luke together suddenly came screeching to a halt.

“So, when did you two meet?” Calum asked, his bushy eyebrows making his confusion apparent.

“Just after you guys left for tour, I was getting lonely when you four were gone.” you laughed, smiling up at the man who had his arm loosely hung around your arm but was clearly paying no attention to the conversation.

“I’m gonna go get us some drinks,” Chris stated, stalking off into the crowd without another word.

Calum dragged you to a quieter part of the house, the music now muffled and the voices began to drown into a quiet murmur.

“What about Luke?” Calum asked, his voice almost sad.

“I came to realise that it was never gonna happen. I can’t sit around for the rest of my life hoping he’ll like me one day.” you sighed, your voice shaky and you hoped Calum wouldn’t notice.

“Y/N, I promise you that your feelings were mutual, he was just too stupid to realise it.”

Half of you wanted to believe him, believe that Luke did love you the way you loved him and that you two could live happily ever after. But the other half knew that if Luke really felt that way he would’ve told you instead of sleeping around with countless girls without giving you a second thought.

“I should go back, Chris is probably looking for me,” you said, not knowing if you could pursue this conversation any further.

Calum let out a defeated sigh, stepping aside and letting you leave. Your breathing was shaky and you wanted to go home before you bumped into anybody else who could question you about your feelings.

The vibrant party took over your senses once again when you found your way back to the main room. Your eyes scanned around, looking for Chris until you found him, sitting next to Luke and three girls you’d never seen before.

The girls were practically drooling over Luke and one was almost sitting on Chris’ lap. You’d told Chris about Luke, not about your feelings but just your friendship to not arouse any suspicion.

Luke spotted you from across the room, his eyes widening and he quickly excused himself, leaving Chris alone with the three girls. He made his way over to you, a warm smile on his face that never faltered.

“Hey,” he grinned, enveloping you in a hug which you graciously returned. The smell of his cologne filled your senses and your heart instantly began racing.

“Hi,” you smiled, your heart wrenching when you saw his soft blue eyes that you’d missed so much.

“Um, I met your friend,” he said, his smile faltering for a moment but you didn’t notice, you were too busy on bringing your breathing back to a normal pace.

“Yeah, he’s great,” you claimed, knowing he would never be able to make your heart race like Luke does.

“Did you bring him here to find him a girlfriend or?” he chuckled, not noticing the way your smile dropped or how your eyebrows furrowed.

“What?”

It was then that Luke noticed the change in behaviour, not realising what he’d said to make you so confused.

“Well, he came over and introduced himself as your friend and then almost instantly started chatting up almost every girl that walked past,” he said, his face now mirroring yours.

“Chris is my boyfriend.” you said plainly, a look of hurt masked your face and you could tell Luke was taken aback.

“Your boyfriend?” Luke spat, quickly spinning around to see Chris with girls falling off his arms. It was only then that you’d seen what Chris was doing when he thought you weren’t around, you’d been unable to see because Luke was blocking your view and you wished he still was.

You let out a shaky breath at the sight, Chris was evidently flirting with every girl that came his way and it was obvious he had no care about you anymore.

It wasn’t until Luke started walking towards Chris that you snapped back into reality. You called out to him but he paid no attention to you, his chest heaving with anger.

“You’ve been trying to fuck other girls when you have a girlfriend?” Luke growled, his jaw clenched and his hands were in a tight fist.

Chris looked up at Luke, visibly confused before he spotted you behind him. You were clearly upset but you refused to look at him, instead opting to grab onto Luke’s arm to pull him away from the situation.

Chris blabbered out excuses, none directed at you but rather at Luke who was growing increasingly angry. All of the girls had scattered when Luke came over, a couple giving you sympathetic looks before moving away to not get caught in the crossfire.

“Luke, please.” you whimpered, desperate to get him out of the situation before it escalated. The sound of your voice caught his attention and you could see his anger begin to dissipate.

“Fucking asshole,” he grunted, before grabbing onto your hand and pulling you out of the house. His long strides were hard to keep up with and you found your self jogging in order to keep up but he slowed down once you got outside into the cold, winter air.

You walked to the end of the road before you said anything, giving Luke enough time to calm down and you to pull yourself together.

“You didn’t need to do that,” you whispered, your voice low and soft in case Luke wasn’t fully calm yet. He completely disregarded your question, sitting down on a bench which you joined him on.

“Why did you get a boyfriend?” Luke asked, his voice seemingly calm but you could hear the bite in the question. He hadn’t looked at you since you’d pulled him away from Chris and it worried you to no extent.

“I wanted one,” you mumbled, unable to come up with a good excuse as to why you’d gone out of your way to get a boyfriend. You didn’t have the guts to tell him you’d gotten a boyfriend as a distraction from your feelings for him, you couldn’t take two heartbreaks in one night.

“Why him?” he murmured, his eyes finally meeting yours. His blue eyes were dark and he looked almost as hurt as you but you couldn’t figure out why. Before you could even get the chance to reply, he spoke up again. “You couldn’t have picked anyone better? Someone who actually loves you and would do anything for you. Someone who wouldn’t treat you like shit.”

“Like who?” you mumbled, expecting a friendly answer. You completely expected him to tell you about someone he’d met that he thought would be perfect for you, or recommend somebody like Calum or Ashton with a lame excuse about how you always got along so well with them. You would have never expected what he actually said.

“Like me. I would love you and cherish you but you had to go off and find some asshole who treats you like shit.” he growled, his anger not directed at you. He didn’t know who he was angry, whether it was himself for never making a move or the asshole who had taken the love of his life from him.

“You don’t love me,” you whispered, your eyes glazing with tears.

“Don’t say that.”

You were so completely and utterly confused, in your head you couldn’t come to believe that he would ever love you, not in the way you loved him. The only rational explanation you could think was that Calum had made him say this, that he was only saying it because Calum had guilted him into it.

“You don’t love me, not like that. You love me as a friend and that’s okay, you don’t have to lie to me to make me feel better.” you sighed, tears slipping down your face and onto the rough material of your jeans.

“I do love you. In the way that I want to be with you, in the way that seeing you with another guy makes my blood boil and in the way that I would kill to be the person you come home to everyday.”

His eyes pierced into you, tears slipping down his face in the same way as you. Your lip quivered and all you could do was study to him to see if he was genuine, that despite the fact he’d just professed his love you, you were still unsure.

“I’m in love with you, Luke.” you almost cried, your voice breaking and your breathing shaky.

“I’m in love with you too.” he murmured.

His hand cupped your cheek softly, pulling you in slowly and his lips met yours in a slow kiss. It was was soft and comforting, everything you’d ever dreamed of. Your hand tugged lightly on his curls and you had never been happier.

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outerspaceisbetterthannothing · 5 years ago

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My Ultimate Reading List v2.0 Fics

A/N: As some of you have heard or seen, My Ultimate Reading List (in it’s original version) has crashed on desktop because of (as I realised trying to restore it) too big number of links, so I’m basically recreating the whole thing in a new format. This post goes for One Shots and Serieses. There’s one more post for Blurbs. I’m really sorry for the tag notifs for the people who has been tagged already in a previous version. Hope it’s not much of an inconvenience. I’m also not going to delete the first version of the list, as it’s been liked and reposted a lot of times, it’s still working on mobile, so some might still use it. But all the updates are going to happen only on this post, which I’m going to put in my bio instead of an old one.

So, this list was created because of my crazy urge to reread favourite fics and blurbs from time to time. It was made purely for me, but if it helps you to find a fic or a writer you’d love, I’d be only happy. I tried to make navigation easy. For blurbs links go to my reblogs, for oneshots and full lengths links go to the original posts. I try to check links from time to time, but if you see that some of them don’t work, please, hmu.

* stands for the implied smut

*** stands for the pure smut

This list is far from finished, that’s just the first things that came to mind and/or were reblogged. Still have a ton to add. So will update it every now and then.

NOTE, pls: There’s no Michael content here! And that’s not because I don’t like him or don’t appreciate him enough. I guess, it’s quite the opposite tbh. There’s no Michael content here because I appreciate him too much. I love this cute little kitten, he’s the most precious soul and, most of the time I think, there would be no 5sos without Michael Gordon Clifford. I just don’t have any fantasies or images of him in me, don’t see him in any way romantically. That’s why I don’t read (or write for that matter) about him as main character. I understand, that I miss a whole lotta great authors and fics because of that. Maybe it’ll change in the future. But for now, it is what it is.

Also HUGE SHOUT OUT TO THE PEOPLE WHOSE WRITING IS ON THE LIST - THANK YOU FOR THIS! THESE FICS AND BLURBS BELOW HAVE REALLY GIVEN ME ALL TYPES OF FEELS, INSPIRATION, MOTIVATION AND CONTENT. I’M FOREVER GRATEFUL FOR THESE WONDERFUL GIFTS YOU GAVE TO ALL OF US.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, WONDERFUL PEOPLE! ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU!

Oneshots

Ashton

Heartbeat by @gigglyirwin [Classic fluff and one of my all time faves]

Our Shining Star [Dad!Ashton] by @myloverboyash [Special thank you to @lashtoncurls for the tracking down the runaway author lol]

Blindfold*** by @cal-puddies [Cashton smut which is too hot for this world]

Ain’t nobody got a drummer like mine*** by @myloverboyash [Drumming and banging 👀 at the drum kit]

I Can Love You In The Shower*** by @myloverboyash [Cute giggly shower sex with a little bit of trauma]

Will We Always Be Pretending*** by @myloverboyash [Bff to lovers AND fake dating in one fic, what else could you wish for???]

Wherever You Are*** by @myloverboyash [childhood best friends to lovers]

Let Me Be The One To Save You pt 1 and pt 2 by @myloverboyash [prince!Ashton Au by which I am intrigued and I AM WAITING PATIENTLY, SKYLER, LOL]

Noticed Nights by @calpops [Artist!Ash and another masterpiece by Eve]

Calum

The Little Spoon by @gigglyirwin [Classic fluff]

Valentine’s Day*** by @angelbabylu

Lucky Shot In Paradise*** by @cakesunflower [Bartender!Cal]

Heartbeat by @uncrownedqueeen [Dad!Cal]

All These Years by @felicitycal

Blindfold*** by @cal-puddies [Cashton smut which is too hot for this world]

No chemistry*** by @novacxlum [Heartbreakingly great college enemies to lovers]

Where were you in the morning?* by @snapbackcake [If this ultimately truthful but sad af one won’t make you cry, consider asking for help, because it’s too sad but also beautiful as hell]

Let me good to you*** by @snapbackcake [The description says it’s 6.8k words of absolute filth, and I have nothing else to add besides of what a great filth it is, so, 18+ kids]

Road Trip: Cake*** by @softforcal [Er, Cake threesome, idek what to say here]

Redamancy by @cakesunflower [Heart wrecking fluff]

Birthday Getaway by @etherealhood [Cuteness and romance overload]

Ghost of you by @myloverboyash [Super angst, prepare to cry your eyeballs out, and i’m still in my feels, Skyler, how could you???]

Picture this by @currentlyupcalsass [One of the best college au’s ever]

Best Friend’s Brother*** by @lukescaboose [Nerdy Cal and soft smut]

Another Ride*** by @babyloontrash [Another Cal smut which is like, really hot]

The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth*** by @i-calumhood [Wonderful enemies to fuck buddies to lovers with an asshole college!Cal]

Ice*** by @morningfears [Super hot enemies to lovers with hockey player Cal aka an ultimate dream]

Ka Hopena by @wildflowergrae [Soulmate AU, surfing and Hawaii, what else can you ask for?]

We Got That Good Love*** by @myloverboyash [Sex in the shower and like wet Calum)]

Balloon*** by @currentlyupcalsass [one of the most precious things I have ever read in my entire live! realisation of love to Calum of mc and absolute happiness for you]

First Concert by @ukulelecal [dad!Cal and kids visiting 5sos concert]

Eleven*** by @babyloontrash [fwb with breakfast]

Luke

Boyfriend’s little brother*** by @lukehemmingssmut [There was also a second part promised, sooooo ^.^]

Fuck me like you hate me*** by @myloverboyash

Baby*** by @lukescaboose [Sweetest ever bff to lovers with soft boi Lu]

Hashimoto by @burncrashbromance [special for Disabled!Sos]

Full lengths and Serieses

Ashton

Hate sex Series*** by @irwinofficial Tell Me How Much You Hate Me, Our Kinky Secret, Good Enough, No Longer A Secret [one of the best Ash smuts ever 👀]

Side chick*** by @cal-puddies [Beautifully filthiest smut with cheating, all the wrong choices and Cashton love triangle] part 1, part 2

Calum

Sugar Coated Pain by @cakesunflower [Boxer!Cal] [That’s what I lost my 5sos-fanfiction-virginity to, so, hey, Summer, thanks for the experience lmao]

Cigarette series*** by @cal-puddies [Best friend!Calum and a lot of hot smut 👀] Cigarette, Corona, Rolling Papers, Black on Black, Stuck [which was later replaced by the next part, but I’ll put it as long as it exists on the original list of parts, but don’t get confused], Navy Button Down, A Hotter Touch, Pancakes, The Second Thing, Ours, Losing You, Little toes, Holy Water, Date Night, Me, You and Little Hood, Five Years Later

Wherever you are by @mysticalhood [Long distance with Cal and tons of tears with me]

Dates With Cal by @calpops [this is so cute i higkey don’t want it to end like ever] First date, Second date, Second date pt, Third date, Calum cooking part one and two, The next evening, Cuddling and meeting guys, Worrying about ‘his girl’, Being her only guy, Meeting Mali, Soft nights, Talking about her family, Not everybody liking her, Tropical getaway, Being smitten around guys, Leaving talk, Night before the tour, Being away from each other, Cal coming home, Saying ‘i love you’, Cal being jealous of Duke, Watching her in the morning, Taking a bath together, Talking to guys about taking a next step, Grocery shopping, Asking her to move in, Choosing a house, Packing her stuff, Packing his stuff, First night in the new house, Unpacking, Finding out habits

Business Blurbs by @calpops [series of blurbs of Calum and Ash being owners of a record shop, Luke keeping an antique store and Mike having a bakery]

Masquerade Made by @calpops [fake dating college AU blurb series] First party, Fighting in a philosophy class

Veiled Valor by @calpops [pirate!Calum, runaway princess, heart wrecking mutual pining and writing style deserving 19th century prose] Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

Versace on the Floor by @singt0mecalum [Dad’s friend Calum, age difference and *supposedly* hottiest content] Intro chapter

819 notes · View notes

nights-pdf · 4 years ago

Text

a/n: this is my first time writing something and feeling good enough to post it. id appreciate any and all constructive criticism. ik im not the best writer and i want to get better so pls share and help me out. ty. i hope you enjoy.

warnings: depression & anxiety are both mentioned. i dont think i went too far into detail but pls be aware for your mental health. also kinda angsty.

roses: a.i.

Ashton and I have never been one for secrets, or at least I didn’t think we were, but things have been different. He has been ignoring me for almost three weeks now, only talking to me when I show up at his house, demanding to at least see him. To see that physically he’s okay. Mike and Luke will only talk to me if I don’t bring him up. As soon as I mention Ashton they suddenly ‘have to go’ and hurry to hang up. Cal will continue to talk to me but he totally ignores whatever questions I ask about him.

I was on Instagram and I saw Ashton on Luke’s story, the first time I’ve seen him in a week and a half. That’s how I ended up on Luke’s porch, working up the courage to ring the damn bell. He hasn’t left you with any options. He’s ignoring you, your other friends aren’t hanging out with you, he brought this on himself.

I press the doorbell, listening to the soft chime echoing in the house and I hear fast approaching footsteps. “Coming!” A voice calls out and within seconds the door is pulled open and I catch Sierra’s bright smile.

“Dee, I- hi.” She says, her smile faulting and my heart breaks. I was hoping she wasn’t here. I was praying that she didn’t listen to me cry about my fear of losing Ashton and then play board games with him the next day. But she was.

“This was stupid.” I mumble quickly, fighting off the tears that are threatening to spill and Sierra reaches out for my hand.

“No, no, it’s not stupid.” She consoles and I shake my head, yanking my hand out of reach.

“I’ll leave you guys to yourselves. Just, um, just tell him that I’m sorry— for whatever I did.” I tell her with a tight smile.

“Si! What are you doing, it’s your turn?!” Ashton shouts from deeper in the house.

“Give me a minute!” She says quickly, stepping out onto the porch with me and closing the door. “I’m so sorry, I wish I could’ve explained it all to you, but it wasn’t my place. I tried literally parent trapping you and Ashton but he always canceled and I— it’s no excuse, but I’m sorry.” She says, her brown eyes softening and I shake my head.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I just—“ I take a deep breath, calming my anxiety while I make an arguably regrettable decision that’ll change my life in mere seconds. “I’m not gonna be in LA much longer and I thought it was insensitive to just drop that in the group chat or something.” I tell her and her eyes widen.

“What? You’re— you’re leaving?” She asks and I nod. “What about the boys? The band— I mean you’ve been a crew member forever.” She adds and I shake my head.

“It’s hard working with a band that won’t talk to you, Si.” I tell her softly and the front door opens. Si and I both turn to see all four boys stuffed in the doorway.

“Dee.” Luke says, clearing his throat and elbowing Calum, who’s beside him, in the stomach.

“Hey, Dee.” Cal says and I smile softly.

“Hey, I was— I was just leaving.” I tell them, turning around and someone catches my wrist. I turn to face Sierra and she drops my hand.

“You tell them.” She says and I shake my head.

“Tell us what?” Michael ask and she quirks an eyebrow.

“I’m taking my friends offer to go on tour with her.” I tell them, turning to face the boys and my eyes catch Ashton’s. “She’s based in New York City, so I’m moving out there.” I add and Luke is the first to speak.

“You’re leaving? When?” He asks and I shrug.

“Probably by the end of the month.” I tell him and Ashton shakes his head.

“You’re just gonna leave? Forget the past what— six years?” He asks and I shake my head.

“You have no right to be mad at me. You haven’t spoken to me in almost three weeks. I only know you’re okay because I see you in their stories. You want to walk away? Fine, but don’t be mad because I’m walking away too.” I tell him, brushing away the tears and he shakes his head.

“You think I don’t miss you?” He asks softly and I shake my head.

“Then why did you leave?! You said you’d never leave! You’d never do what they did to me! You said you’d never hurt me and I fucking believed you!” I let the tears stream down my face, not caring about anything anymore.

“Please, I’m sorry.” He says, his eyes softening at the sight of my tears and he steps closer.

“No,” I step back, “No, you lost that. You lost the right to be mad at me, or to console me, you all have. You could’ve been fucking honest and you all chose to lie to me and ignore me.”

“Dee, come on, we’ve all made mistakes—”

“You don’t accidentally lie to your friend for weeks. You accidentally spill milk, or touch a hot pan, you don’t— you chose to lie to me, you chose to push me away. That’s not a mistake.” I cut Cal off and I shake my head.

“I’m gonna go. I’m sorry for ruining your game night.” I tell them, turning around and walking down the porch stairs, I walk over to my car, everything silent except for the heel of my boots hitting the cement. I reach my car, unlocking it and slipping it. My gaze travels to the porch, looking at the people I had grown to love like family and my eyes stop on Ashton. Luke’s arm is around his shoulder, clearly saying something to him and Ashton’s eyes meet mine. My heart breaks at his expression, the truth setting in that I had hurt him the same way he hurt me.

The thought makes my stomach turn but I don’t have the strength to step out of my car. Instead I open spotify and start playing anything to fill the void. I pull out of the driveway, turning up the volume and trying to silence the deafening thoughts running through my mind.

I’ve been packing for two weeks, and fielding calls from the boys and their management. Well all the boys except one. The one I really want to hear from. The one that would say “stay,” and I would drop everything for.

Maybe it’s good that I’m leaving. I mean, falling in love with your best friend is a bad idea already and although I wasn’t sure of it before I am now. I loved Ashton, in the most inconvenient way possible, so maybe this space will be good for me.

Or at least that’s what I try to convince myself when I feel empty. When the anxiety and depression wins and I wake up in the middle of the night on the floor— typically the bathroom floor— with an empty stomach and pounding headache.

Then I remember Ashton always being there. Picking me up, taking care of me, loving me in the way I never thought I deserved and the thoughts send me spiraling and walking up on the floor again.

I finish applying my lipstick, biting back the tears that I know will inevitably be shed by the end of the night, and step away from the mirror. I grab my clutch, checking for my phone, keys and wallet before strapping on my shoes and heading downstairs.

Everyone had insisted that we had one last night out, a final goodbye and send off before I leave tomorrow morning and I had agreed. I walk out to my car and quickly start the ride to the restaurant. I focus on the music, never giving myself enough time to get lost in my thoughts and I get to the restaurant faster than expected.

I step out of my car and spot Calum almost immediately. He’s turned around, preoccupied with something and I run up behind him, placing my hands over his eyes and he laughs softly.

“You’re a child.” He mumbles, spinning around to face me and I drop my arms.

“You love me.” I tell him with a smile and he opens his arms for a hug. I step into his embrace, squeezing him tightly and he does the same.

“You look beautiful.” He says, stepping back and I smile softly.

“Thank you.” I tuck my hair behind my ear, the curls already getting in my way and he smiles sadly. “You wanted to talk before dinner?” I prompt and he nods.

“Yeah, I have a gift for you and a few things to say.” He says with a smile. “First, I wanted to apologize. I never should’ve lied to you and I shouldn’t have let Ashton. I was so blinded by the thought of protecting my brother that I didn’t think to protect my best friend.” He says and I shake my head.

“It’s okay, I get it, and I don’t blame any of you guys. I seriously don’t.”

“With that being said, I also wanted to congratulate you. I wish you didn’t have to leave but I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing what felt right to you, no matter what. You deserve the world, Dee, but you have to take it.” He says with a soft smile and I wipe at the single tear that’s escaped.

“This is from us— all of us— to you. No matter what happens, what you do, we’ll always be cheering you on and we will always love you.” He says, pulling a velvet box out of his pocket and handing it to me. I carefully take it, giving him my clutch to hold and opening the box to see a delicate, silver necklace, a beautiful rose hanging off it and I smile warmly. It’s almost an exact replica of Ashton’s tattoo and I don’t know if they did it on purpose, but I want to believe they did.

I can see Ashton pointing out the necklace with a smile, fully knowing how similar it is to his tattoo and the rest of the group agreeing, simply because of my love of roses. I brush away the invisible tears at the thought, choosing that no matter what the story actually is, that’s what it’ll mean to me.

“Cal,” I whisper softly, looking up to meet his eyes and he smiles despite the tears filling his eyes.

“You like it?” He asks and I nod.

“I love it.”

“Here, let me put it on you.” He suggests and I nod. We trade off once again and I spin around, pulling my hair up with one hand and he slips it around my neck. “Done.” He whispers when he clasps it and I let my hair fall. I spin back around with a bright smile and he nods.

“Thank you.” I tell him, toying with the small rose and he nods.

“It was a group thing but everyone agreed that they’d cry like babies so it was decided that I’d give it to you.” He says with a smile and I giggle. “Ready to head in?” He asks, opening his hand for me to take and I nod slowly.

“I just— is he in there?” I ask him, unsure of what answer I’m hoping for and he slowly shakes his head.

“Luke, Mike and I all tried to get him to come but he wouldn’t.” He says and I nod slowly. I place my hand in his, giving him a tight squeeze before nodding again, this time with more confidence.

“Let’s go.” I tell him and he nods. We both walk into the restaurant, being led straight to our table after Calum gave the hostess his name.

“Dee! You look so good!” Sierra says as soon as she sees me and I embrace her in a tight hug.

“Thank you.” I whisper, holding her tight and she does the same. After we separate, I go around the table, hugging everyone and finally I sit down. There’s an empty seat at the end of the table— the seat that had been saved for Ashton— and the sight breaks my heart. Every time Michael or Crystal address me I have to fight my hardest to not look at the seat and break out into tears.

Despite the nagging reminder that Ashton isn’t there, dinner is amazing and after bidding my goodbyes, I step outside and feel a few drops of rain. I step back, underneath the overhang provided by the restaurant and Calum appears next to me. With almost impeccable timing a crack of thunder is heard and it starts pouring.

“How many times is this gonna happen to us?” Calum asks, shrugging off his jacket and lifting it over our heads.

“I’m starting to think this is just gonna be Our Thing™.” I joke and he laughs loudly.

“Ready?” He asks and I shake my head.

“Let me take off my heels.” I tell him and he nods. He offers his arm as stability and I start working my heels off.

“Good idea.” He mumbles. I eventually get both heels off and with my clutch and heels in hand and Calum’s jacket over us we run off into the rain. “Are you gonna get home safe?” Calum asks as we reach my car.

“I’ll be okay.” I tell him and he nods.

“Text me.” He mumbles quickly as I open my door. He presses a quick kiss to my cheek before running off and I get into my car. I start the ride to my house, driving slower this time because of the rain and finally, in the peace of my own car, I let go and feel the tears falling.

I couldn’t tell you if I’m crying because I’m leaving or Ashton not showing up. Or maybe it’s because the talk Calum and I had before dinner. Or the fact that I always run when things get difficult. I don’t know what it is, but once the tears start they don’t stop and when I stop in front of my house I don’t bother pulling into the driveway. Instead I keep driving, finding myself heading towards the hills and I calm down at the prospect of fixing everything.

I just have to be honest. Honest about everything and maybe, even if things aren’t the same, they’ll be better. I just have to tell him the truth. I just have to tell him that I love him.

I run out of my car as soon as it’s in park, sprinting up the unnecessary long path to his front door and I ring the doorbell, feeling a surge of confidence, anxiety and impatience all at once. I fold my arms over my chest, trying my best to warm up but it’s nearly impossible when my dress and hair are absolutely soaked. I try the doorbell again, the confidence waning and anxiety and impatience doubling.

“C’mon, Irwin. Please.” I mumble under my breath, reaching into my clutch to grab my phone and I quickly dial his number. Unshockingly it goes right to voicemail and I groan loudly. “Irwin, stop being a dick, it’s pouring and I’m freezing.” I mumble, stuffing my phone back in my clutch and ringing the doorbell again. And again, and again, until he finally pulls the door open.

“I told you I’m not fuckin—” The words die on his tongue when his eyes land on mine.

“Dee? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at dinner?” He asks, snapping out of his thoughts and I take in the details of his face. The bags under his eyes are more prominent then they’ve probably ever been and my heart breaks at the thought. His eyes look a bit darker, like they always did when he was upset and I shake my head, pulling myself out of those thoughts.

“I, um, I needed to talk to you.” I tell him and he quirks an eyebrow.

“You didn’t get it all out before?” He bites and I shake my head.

“I’m here to apologize, okay? I’m sorry for whatever I did, I’m sorry for whatever made you hate me and if I could I would go back and fix it all but I can’t. All I can do is apologize and pray to whoever will listen that you won’t hate me for the rest of your life.

“I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard or asked for too much from you. I’m sorry that I was selfish because I was. I took and took and took from you because it was easy, because you made me feel loved and I never felt that before. I’m sorry if I loved too hard or I made things difficult. I’m sorry for every possible thing I did that would have pushed you away.

“But I’m not sorry for loving you. I’m not sorry for giving you everything I could. I wish things could’ve ended differently but I’m not sorry for falling in love with you. I won’t ever apologize for that, Ashton, because I did, I loved you in the most unconventional way possible and I loved every second of it too.” I tell him, not caring about the tears that escaped and I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.

“That’s all I had to say: I’m sorry, and I love you.” I tell him finally happy after weeks of feeling miserable. Happy because I spoke my truth and no matter what happens next, I know I tried and that’ll have to be enough. I spin on the heels of my feet, walking away from his door and almost halfway to my car I feel a tug on my hand. Ashton spins me around, his hands coming up to my cheeks and his lips are on mine.

Once the shock wears off, my hands cup his cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer as I kiss him back. His tongue runs over my sealed lips and I don’t hesitate to let him in. My hands slip into his hair, tangling into the rain-soaked knots and he slowly pulls away. “Come inside,” He breathes into the air between us and I nod.

“Okay.” I whisper and he smiles softly.

“I love you too, darling. I always have.” He whispers and I press my lips to his once more.

#ashton irwin oneshot #ashton irwin writing #ashton oneshot #ashton 5sos oneshot #ashton irwin 5sos

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holycalum · 6 years ago

Photo

vex c.h.

word count: 3.8k+

warnings: mentions of pregnancy, swearing, drugs refs, but it’s actaully not bad at all

summary: the one where calum’s the most™ annoying but it’s cus he’s in looooove (is tht enough??)

a/n: HI yeah i know i haven’t posted in years because um (: i’ve been the most busy ever. i have so many things i wanna post i have like million half written things and ideas i just don’t have the energy to finish or start i know its bad i miss writing. anyways i hope ya like it i know i suck at writing the good ending parts where the stuff happens but i’m trying. send me requests pls it might take a while but ill defo get to them! love yall the most!

“can you please shut the fuck up and stop chewing ice for like, five seconds?” “first of all, i have an iron deficiency, calum.” you sneer, “you know i’m sensitive about it.” “you know i don’t care about your blood iron content, right (y/n)?” calum glares at you, angrily sipping his drink. “maybe you’re pregnant.” you almost scream, “stop don’t say that,” you pat your stomach, “i don’t want to be pregnant.” “cal, it’s your turn to bowl,” ashton says, flopping down next to calum on the couch opposite you. “i don’t wanna fuckin’ bowl,” calum grumbles, crossing his arms and sinking back into the couch. ashton scrunches his eyebrows, “cal, it was your idea-“ “(y/n) should take my turn, maybe it’ll help her unborn child be a champion bowler.” he mused, making ashton do a double take. “honestly,” ashton squeaks, “i don’t wanna know, (y/n), are you pregnant?” “thought you didn’t wanna know?” you joked, placing two hands on your stomach. “no, i’m not, calum’s just being a bitch.” “m’ not.” he counters, “it’s just your pregnant lady hormones are rubbing off on me, i’m surprised we’re all not crying.” ashton just sits up slowly, backing away from the couch. “it’s just, fuck you calum.” you roll your eyes, leaning back into the couch. you turn your body away from calum, focusing your attention on the scoreboard. “you’re doing really badly.” “can’t show up your bowling prodigy child,” calum hardly misses a beat, as annoying as he was being, he was on fire tonight. “wonder who the dad is.” you pull at your hair, “oh my fucking god,” you want to throw a bowling ball at his head, “it’s like you want me to be pregnant, you’re insinuating i’m getting dicked down enough to be pregnant.” “big word, gotta set a good example for the baby...” calum trails off, trying not to laugh at his constant pestering. “are you?” “wouldn’t be your business if i was, or if i wasn’t.” “then who am i to believe you’re not pregnant,” calum shrugs, finishing his drink. calum’s neck looked like prime real-estate for your fists, you had never been so annoyed with him in your time knowing him. for a while you two were actually friends, but as of lately, he seemed to seize any opportunity to push your buttons. michael slid into the spot next to you, “yanno, boys are usually mean to girls when they like them.” he whispers in your ear, “doesn’t that promote an unhealthy association or something?” you roll your eyes, burning holes into the side of calum’s head. “i’m sure someone who likes you wouldn’t claim you’re pregnant every chance they got.” “calum’s not just someone,” michael sing-songed, “i honestly don’t know what sticks up his ass.” “apparently it’s not a stick, it’s my fake baby.” you crossed your arms, still glaring at calum. “ashton,” you piped up, gripping the back of the drivers seat. “can we please stop at mcdonald’s, i have to pee.” “no.” calum answered for ashton, “i recall asking ashton,” you snapped your head towards him, “but go off i guess.” “yeah.” ashton said quietly, switching lanes to get off at the next exit. “no,” calum grabbed the steering wheel, “you peed like 20 minutes ago.” “jesus fucking ch-calum please,” ashton threw his hand off the wheel, “don’t kill us please.” “wouldn’t wanna kill the baby,” calum grinned at you, sarcasm leaking from his dimples. jesus, you think, here we fucking go. “since when are you the dictator of my bladder?” you asked, face red. “peeing a lot is a sign of pregnancy, you know?” calum said, ignoring your question. “so, you’re an ob-gyn now too?” “i’ve taken up many practices since you conceived your baby,” calum insisted, eyes glued to his phone. you desperately wanted calum to turn his head towards you, to give you his full attention. this half assed argument wasn’t cutting it. “i’m honestly so uncomfortable, we’re almost at McDonald's.” ashton announces, “i am not fucking pregnant!” you shout, slinking into the back seat, “why do i even hang out with you?” “hey, (y/n), how you feeling?” luke asks, face grainy on your phone screen. “like ass,” you croak, you’d been throwing up all morning. you thought you were on the come up, and tested the waters with a piece of toast, but you were unsuccessful. “-is that (y/n)?” you hear calum ask, and your stomach lurches, you didn’t need to deal with him right now. “yeah-she’s sick,” “with what?” “i dunno, she’s throwing up-“ suddenly the phone screen shakes and calum’s face takes up the whole thing. his face holds an evil smile and you’re far too familiar with his jokes and you know what you’re in for. “you’re having morning sickness, (y/n).” he says matter-of-factly. you feel the last of your toast threatening to inch up your throat. “it’s cus’ you’re pregnant.” you empty your stomach into the toilet, “fuck you, calum.” you manage in between deep breaths. “i have food poising.” “if that’s what we’re calling pregnancy these days.” “i’m hanging up.” you throw your phone across the tile of your bathroom, leaning your head against the cool toilet bowl. you felt so gross, and calum’s comments were not helping in the slightest. you felt like crying really, he was being such a jerk to you, for no reason. a few fever naps later, you’re woken up by a knock at your front door. you drag yourself to the door, opening it to find a bag from the drug store, with a note reading ‘pregnancy kit!’ you immediately toss the pregnancy tests to the side, digging out the gatorade. you call calum, “thanks for the gatorade, but i don’t need the tests, wanna give them to your groupies?” you say as soon as he picks up. “ah,” he breathes, “of course, how could i be so silly, you don’t need to test something you’re already sure of.” “fuck off.” “i don’t need them,” he continues, “that’s not me anymore.” “ok, bye calum.” you throw your phone back onto your couch, dropping the bag next to you. if he wasn’t such an asshole, you’d think him going out of his way to bring you things would be sweet, but you’re sure it’s just an extra step he took to tease you. if he were anyone else you might smile and blush at the thought, but thinking of calum’s devilish smile while picking things out only made your skin crawl with heat. “(y/n)...” calum pushes the drink out of your hands, “you can’t drink while pregnant.” you nearly break the bottle over his skull, “are you like deprived of sex or something? is that why you’re so edgy?” “i just care about the well being of your baby,” he rests a hand on your stomach, “seeing that it-speaking if we should find out the gender soon. seeing that its father is absent.” you flick his hand off of you and ignore the way your heart speeds up when he touches you. “let’s find you someone, that sound good?” you ask, dropping his calloused hand from your grip, and scanning the bar for anyone that may peak calum’s interest. if you were being honest, the conflict between you and calum, that you dread, lit something within you. whether it was a match under your ass that kept you on your toes, or something warmer in the pit of your stomach, you found yourself red in the face and tingly every time you went back and forth with each other. calum was pissing you off and he knew it, he had wiggled his way under your skin, and you didn’t know how you felt about it. you spot a blonde girl across the room, and you set out to approach her. “no one that’ll take away from my ob-gyn practice,” he shouts as you walk away, stomping loudly. it almost hurts how ok he was with it. you return only a few minutes later, finding it very easy to convince a random chick to talk to someone in a band. “calum,” you stand in front of him, and he glares down at your smaller frame. “this is ally-allison-um, this is allison.” you introduce her, and she giggled loudly. “oh my god,” he drops his jaw, “you reincarnated michael jackson? for me? you’re too sweet, (y/n).” something inside you relaxes at his dislike for the stranger. “what?” allison cocks her head to the side, looking calum up and down. you catch yourself thinking, me too girl. “never mind,” you mutter, “allison said she likes music, you like that too!” “yeah, i go to a lot of raves.” she assures us, “have you guys ever done molly?” “no.” calum is short, “well, i have a few in my bag-“ “nice,” he responds, “we can do a couple,” “yeah for sure,” his eyes are in slits as soon as he looks at you, you shrink under his gaze. “let’s do molly, in some bar, with ally.” “allison.” she corrects, and calum already has your bicep in his hand, dragging you in the opposite direction of allison. your brain is split between wanting to punch him for being so rough, and letting him drag you along. you go with the latter. “we’ll be right back, ally, just need to converse with my colleague.” calum has no intention of ever speaking to her again, anyone named allison, he decides. soon, you’re standing outside the bar, shooting daggers out of your eyes at calum. if looks could kill, he would’ve been dead hours ago, and you’d be beating the dead horse. your feelings were all jumbled up, in a hot, flaming, pile of trash. “it’s cold,” you complain, rubbing your bare arms. “ok well, i can’t control the weather.” he snapped, making your stomach drop, he was being so mean. “what the hell is your problem?” “i don’t need you to meddle in my love life, (y/n).” he uttered, pulling out a cigarette from his back pocket. you snatch it away from him, and he’s left empty-handed. “not good for you,” you explain, “i’m not the pregnant one...” “no one is pregnant!” you shout, throwing the unlit cigarette on the ground. “sounds like something a pregnant lady would say,” calum hasn’t missed an opportunity yet. “i literally need you to stop,” you beg, shaking his shoulders. he lets out a quiet ‘woah’ but doesn’t do anything to stop you from violently shaking him around. “i don’t know what your problem is, but like, you’ve been at this since before i tried helping you out, so what gives?” calum only shrugs in response, eyes drifting to the people flowing out of the bar. his mind sails elsewhere, wondering if the guys would wonder where you two went, if they knew how he felt, if they cared at all. “cal, there’s gotta be like, someone in there for you, if you want a wingman-“ you babble, trying to push the idea of you and calum far, far, far, out of your brain. if he could just make out with someone, you could never think about him like that again, and then you could really get pregnant, and live a calum-free life. “there’s no one in there for me.” he says coldly, turning his shoulders away from you, making your arms drop down to your sides. you can feel him closing off. you roll your eyes, “how are you supposed to know that,” you soften your tone, you didn’t really know how to talk to calum like this. “cus’ i just do,” he’s slowly inching away from you now, trying to increase the space, trying to decrease the connection. “why should you care?” he turned his difficult feelings into coldness. “you’re my friend, i think, if you’re allowed to be so involved in my uterus, i should be allowed to try and get you some!” you fume, stepping closer to him. “i’m trying to be nice while you continue to be so mean.” “why try?” “i-“ you didn’t know, “i don’t know.” “well,” he barks, “if i’m being so mean and you can’t stand it, why do you hang out with me?” “why are you so mean?” you ask, both of your voices raising. “i don’t know.” he mocks you, “you have to know!” you were being far too dramatic for where you were, but you were so blinded by rage you found it difficult to care. “if you’re allowed to not know why you put up with me, i’m allowed to not know why i’m mean to you.” he turns to walk away from you, you grab the sleeve of his jacket, blood pumping rapidly. “don’t walk away from me, calum, that’s rude as shit.” “i am rude as shit.” “you’re not!” you cry, people walking out of the bar into the cool air taking a second glance at your exchange. “you’re not rude and that’s why i’m confused as to why you’re being rude to me, you weren’t like this before.” “before you started going out on dates and shit and getting pregnant,” he grumbled, shoulders slumping into himself. you gaped, “how does that have to do with why you’re being mean.” “m’ not mean.” his voice got quieter, head now lowered. if he couldn’t just box you out he could always try retreating into himself. “you just said you were,” you matched his volume. “m’ not,” he repeated, “n’ there’s no one in there for me.” “you’re all over the place,” you’re head is spinning, and you can’t connect the dots between anything calum’s saying. “cus’ the only person for me is standing outside the fuckin’ bar.” “have i ever told you, you have such a way with words,” you were trying to be so cool, because you doubted that the middle-aged businessman standing near the entrance was the one for calum, but he was making it really hard. “you’ll never guess what i do for a living.” he jokes back, but his chuckle ends too short to be real. “ok, so, why do you think i’m pregnant? like i’m still lost.” “can we please not talk about it,” he begs, finally looking at you. your stomach flips at his eye contact, and as wobbly as your knees are, you’re unmoving. you couldn’t “that’s not fair to me, cal.” “just not here then, please.” the sound of your front door closing was the first thing to break the agonizing silence between the two of you. “so...” you lean over your kitchen counter. calum rubs his face, and groans. “it’s stupid,” his words are altered by his cheeks being smooshed against his hands. a blush creeps up the back of calum’s neck and onto his face. he wasn’t getting out of this one. “yeah,” you agree, “it is stupid, but why?” there’s a long stretch of silence, “cus i like you,” finally cuts through the thick air surrounding you two. “m’ still a little drunk.” you spit out the sip of water you had just taken. “sorry,” you sputter, wiping your mouth. sure he had implied something of the sort outside the bar, but hearing him say it was sending you elsewhere. “i um,” “you don’t have to say anything back, but you wanted to know, so i told you.” he shrinks into himself, “no, cal, i just wanna know why you thought that was how you should’ve gone about it.” you weren’t saying you didn’t feel the same, but you also weren’t saying you’d let him off so easy. “i’m sorry, if it really bothered you.” he says instead, spinning himself back and forth on the bar stool. he was looking everywhere but you. “it’s not that, it was just-“ “weird?” “yeah.” “i know id be weird anyways, so i figures being mean weird would rule out yanno, me feeling things.” he explains, playing with the cuff of his jacket. “oh,” you whisper, studying how his eyebrows scrunch when he can’t button his sleeve. “you can’t just try and cancel out your feelings...like pemdas.” his eyes flicker towards you, “wrong, i did try, it just didn’t work.” “so you still like me?” you ask, “do all pregnant people ask this many questions?” he says under his breath, and you let yourself laugh because it’s kinda funny. calum smiles sheepishly as he continues looking down at his sleeves. “just me i guess,” you decide to play along. “yeah, i do.” “cool.” “that’s all i get?” he sits up straight, gripping the edge of the counter. “it’s cool!” you defend, giggles escaping your lips. “yeah well, what’s cool about it?” he tests the waters, maybe you were interested, maybe it wasn’t so crazy to think maybe you’d like him too. even just a little bit. he leans back against the chair. “i think it’s cool...” you trail off, biting your lip, “that someone so cool likes me.” “you think i’m cool?” calum’s tone is teasing, but you can tell he’s flustered by the way his usually low voice raises a bit and the blush painting his tanned cheeks. “mhm.” you nod slightly, the little bit of alcohol in your system making it hard to hold off. calum’s stature was especially enduring right now, his soft, sleepy eyes and messy hair, your heart swelled at the sight. “cool.” he said simply, eyes crinkling. you only let out another quiet ‘mhm’ in response, taking another sip of water. “so, is that it?” “is what it?” “is that all we say, and now i just have to stare at you until you kick me out?” he questions, face dropping. surely, he thought, you were only playing him. “bold of you to assume you’d even wanna stare at my face that long.” you counter, raising an eyebrow. he thinks for a moment, “bold of you to assume i wouldn’t.” “bold of you to assume...” it was getting really hard to go back and forth with calum now, his cocky smile getting under your skin instead of on your nerves for once. “bold of you to assume i’d kick you out,” “oh?” he grinned, leaning over the counter, mirroring my position. he widens his eyes at you, “better get used to it then.” “are you flirting with me, calum?” “bold of you to assume i’m not setting you up for the best pregnant joke of all time.” you roll your eyes at him, starting to move away. he grabs your hand suddenly, pulling you back over the counter. “i was only kidding, (y/n).” “figured,” you squeak out, trying not to faulted. you swallow hard, “but why do you need to be so close to me?” you were certain if anything was obvious is was the prominent blush splayed across your cheeks. you’d be surprised if he couldn’t feel the heat radiating off of your cheeks. “like seein’ you blush,” you were right, “sure, i could see it from down the street, but this is a better view.” “doubt it.” you bite your lip, “agree to disagree?” “turning down an argument?” you question, “i’m sure another opportunity will present itself.” he whispers, “you know i’d stay here, but it’s a really uncomfortable position.” you speak, after a moment of silence. “and i hate being in jeans. are you spending the night?” “what does that have to do with being in jeans?” he stays leaned over the counter after you stand straight again, and start walking towards your room. “i don’t have any clothes for you, i’d feel bad if i was comfortable and you weren’t.” “not something you’d ever cared about before, doll.” he spins around to face you, relaxed against the stool. suddenly your whole body feels hot. you gulp, “i guess you’re right,” you come back later, clad in pajama shorts and a long sleeved shirt. calum’s lounging on your couch now, feet kicked up on the coffee table. “glad you’ve made yourself comfortable.” “you weren’t going to,” he speaks, eyes not breaking away from his phone. you sit down next to him, legs folded underneath yourself. he glances over at you, a smile smile evident on his lips. it felt odd, not being genuinely angry at calum for more than an hour. “listen,” he speaks, “you don’t have to kick me out, i can leave on my own.” he looks down at his hands, twisting his rings. “you can if you want,” you say softly, covering your yawn with you hand. you hoped he didn’t want to leave, cause you’d be ok if he sat on your couch forever. “do you want me to?” he meets your eyes, you shrug, inspecting your nail polish, “don’t care,” “i mean, it’d be kinda weird if i stayed cus i like you and you don’t-“ “i like you calum,” you cut him off, darting your eyes back down to your nails. “oh,” he shook his head a bit, a grin creeping its way onto his face. “glad that’s out of the way,” you say, still not looking at calum. if you looked at him it’d be real and you’d given into him, who was bullying you for a fake pregnancy only hours before. it was stupid if you put it that way. but if you thought about it another way, it was never really that deep. “then, i guess i’ll stay?” he says carefully, nudging your thigh, eyebrows raised in anticipation. “cool.” you nod, making eye contact for a split second before turning back away. you could combust then and there. “you’d like that?” he teases, inching closer to you. you swear you feel your heart stutter. “if i stayed?” “mhm.” you laser your focus on your chipping polish instead of his body heat in attempt to calm yourself down. but you’re the furthest thing from calm. “ok,” he huffs, leaning back and throwing an arm around your shoulders. you stiffen under his touch, your entire body on fire. as of the last couple of months you’d been hot out of anger, not by whatever this was. calum’s gaze was fixed on you, his eyes fond despite his cocky manner. “you gonna relax, sweetheart?” the nickname dripped like honey from his lips. “you gonna kiss me to get it over with already?” you spit suddenly, wanting to end the awkwardness. you were sick of the jitters now, and all you wanted was calum. yet, you slap a hand over your mouth. he let out a laugh, “can’t with you so far away from me.” you roll your eyes, and lift yourself to turn yourself toward him. “much better,” he grins, moving a hand up to cup your face. fuck that, you think, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pressing your lips together. you feel the tension leave your body, as calum’s lips work against yours. it feels like heaven, his plump lips against yours, hands gripping whatever they can. calum pulls away, forehead leaning against yours, panting quietly. you take in his look, eyes closed, blissed out, beautiful. “bet your baby daddy couldn’t do that?” he jokes, smiling. “shut up.”

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