#miri meta

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Some long, big thoughts on Kazuki, Rei, and being “Fathers.” - SPOILERS!

I really think this episode is when Kazuki and Rei really face the reality that they are Miri’s FATHERS. Like, it finally sunk in.

The lady here uses otou-sama, which is a very formal way to address the two of them, very stuffy. But also very...Japanese. In Japan, it is very commonplace nowadays for little kids to use papa and mama when addressing their parents, but those are still seen as loanwords. They don’t carry the same weight as being referred to, and seen as, FATHERS.

That question and how they would be perceived by others really hit them here. They aren’t just playing house at home anymore, they are out in society and are going to be perceived as this Miri’s fathers. That may also come with the assumption that they are a couple or in a relationship with each other. 

They both look uncomfortable here at that realization, but neither one really denies it either. Of course, this daycare is very unwelcoming and the lady far more judgmental than Anna. So that also likely plays a part in how they feel and react here too. The first daycare they go to  focused more on the business side of things. 

The room is huge, but empty, the walls are colorful, but not bright. Miri is sent off to play with blocks and the lady never directly addresses her or asks for her thoughts on things. Everything about this daycare is unwelcoming and uninviting and unaccepting, so Rei and Kazuki act coldly to this initial realization and the usage of the word FATHER here, seems very fitting.

It’s not a happy, bubbly, childlike, and even fantastical like the word “Papa” is. And the lady interviewing them, was definitely judging them, even before Miri started mentioning some more...suspicious stuff, lol.

Now, when they go to Aozora Daycare, Anna also addresses them using the word father in Japanese, but she goes with otou-san, still formal, but not stuffy and far more common and approachable. It’s still not “Papa” though. She only uses “Papa” when she talks to Miri about Rei and Kazuki. 

(In the Japanese she directly addresses Kazuki first by calling him otou-san and then stating that she was asking Miri, not him, haha). 

We are met with understanding here, though. Not judgement. The walls of Aozora are filled with children’s art projects, a piano that indicates singing and dancing time as a group, and warm smiles and comfy clothes. Everything that indicates a child-first daycare center. 

The whole interview process ends successfully. The daycare views them as suitable parents and Miri got accepted into the school. 

And while Rei looks disinterested during this entire interview. He was paying just as close attention to everything as Kazuki was, and if watch the high-five scene with a good eye, you can see that Rei actually has his hand up and waiting for Miri’s high-five before Kazuki.He understands her and her flow so well.

The rest is going under a Read More due to length.

Next we see them navigating all the prep work. And even though Rei did fall asleep at one point, we see that they both put in as much effort and energy as they can to get everything right for Miri and her first day of daycare. They both read through the handbook, write her names on things, even Rei did some sewing too. They exhaust themselves out. 

They think they make a great first impression on that first day:

But they make a lot of faux pas in the world of Japanese parenthood (specifically in a space that tends to be dominated by motherhood).

Arriving by car = ✘

Wearing suits that aren’t black = ✘

Having Miri wearing clothes that look expensive = ✘

Arriving by car is equated to wealth and money, and even to showing off, as opposed to riding a bike.

Wearing suits that aren’t black is associated with the underbelly side of Japan, men that work in the red light district or with the yakuza. An exception to this would be like, in many places, the entertainment business.

Dressing Miri up in clothes that look expensive plays into the whole “yakuza daughter” vibes, but also makes it so that she stands apart from the other children. It can also make it so that Miri has a difficult time putting the clothes on and off herself, which could take up class time when coming in from play time, getting ready to go home, and etc.

I worked at a juku (cram school) with a daycare. Most of the students I cared for there were native Japanese kids between 2 - 4 years old whose parents were working in America. My boss would often get annoyed when parents would bring their (usually daughters) in wearing fancy shoes that looked pretty, but hurt the child’s feet and were hard for the child to take on and off themself. 

Kids around Miri’s age are also shown to be aware of economic and social class on some level as well. 

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Ivanhoe Newswire) -- Rich, poor, middle class. Parents often believe it’s their responsibility to shield their children from economic differences and social class.

But new research shows children as young as five years old are not economically blind. In fact, by the time they reach prekindergarten, kids know the difference.

This group of primary school kids already knows what money can buy.

Combine that with the (thirsty though they were) mothers who probably advised their children to not get on Miri’s bad side because of her dad’s, and her outfits that set her apart, and scenes like this one:

Don’t seem so out-of-place.

When Kazuki and Rei pick Miri up at school, her answer to “How was your first day? Have fun?” being “I dunno yet.’ Set’s off alarm bells - even with Rei.

His brows are furrowed. He knows that something is off and wrong with that statement. They don’t know what they did wrong, and they don’t know how to fix it. Miri gets quieter and sadder and this is the first time they’ve had to actually deal with Miri on a deeper, emotional level. 

That feeling like you are failing a child (whether your own, one of your students, or just a child in your care) is such a devasting feeling. This episode expresses it well by having these scenes all take place on the way home from the daycare, when the sun is setting. 

Thankfully, Kazuki is open to listening to what Miss Anna has to tell him, and she is so supportive. She doesn’t judge them or treat them like they are incompetent or incapable. She just gives them the push in the right direction, with “insider info” in a way, to get them and Miri acclimated correctly. And Rei and Kazuki jump on it. They love that they’ve found this place with a bunch of good quality cheap shit that can help them and make their lives easier.

And after this, Miri goes to school in regular clothes. Kazuki goes to the play area in the regular clothes, and he is just genuine and authentic with the kids. He doesn’t dress Miri up in a way that sets her apart anymore (on a class level, in a way that makes the other kids think she is “saying” “don’t play with me.”). 

Kazuki, especially, isn’t trying to “fake it until he makes it anymore.” He isn’t trying to give the impression that they are rich. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he also felt a bit more pressure to get everything right because he and Rei are two guys raising a kid together - two FATHERS. 

But then he realizes letting Miri and him and Rei just be themselves is enough.

This was very much so a Kazuki issue that ended up negatively impacting Miri. A situation I’m sure every parent (or even teacher, like I’ve been before) has experienced on some level. It’s one of the harsher parts of being a parent and trying to help your child and do what’s right.

And now, he and Rei have one foot further into parenthood, since they know about this new shop and:

Gave Miri her own room.

That is such a big deal. Similar in a way to how people say not to name an animal unless you plan on keeping it as a pet. Not because Miri can be compared to a pet or an animal in any way like that, but because of what it implies on both an emotional attachment level and a “she is now a permanent part of our household” level. 

That's a fully decorated room, filled with toys and plush dolls and games, a bed, books, a rug, even a desk. A desk filled with stationary supplies for her to learn and something which is viewed as a necessity for children to have at home when they are in elementary and junior high school (especially). 

Rei and Kazuki have gone from being Miri’s “Papas” on a sort of imaginary, “playing house” level, with very limited outside and real-world/societal interactions to being her fathers. They have integrated her and themselves as her parents and fathers into society on a large level now. 

By investing in that room, they are investing in Miri, and are openly choosing to be viewed as her fathers - as partners. Even if they don’t necessarily view each other in that way, it doesn’t matter to them in the end, because Miri is what’s most important. 

(Note: I will link to the news article and report that stated that information about children and economic class recognition in the comments).

[dirtd0g]

I need everyone to be aware that Rei took these photos SPECIFICALLY that beach candid

[darling-wendy]

they made each other fathers

This has been staring us right in the face the entire time, but it's only just registering to me that Kazuki defaulted to "Rei-papa" when he could've easily just said "Rei-niichan" or "Rei-ojisan" or "Rei-san", some other form of honorific. A four year old is aware of the concept of an uncle, he could've gone with that to begin with. It's very interesting that Kazuki instinctively reached for the one honorific that tacitly implies a relationship between him and Rei. Like, somewhere in the back of his mind he said 'Well, if I'm her pretend dad then Rei, as my partner (and it's also interesting that the first time we first see him use the term, it's the ambiguous English loan word rather than either of the two Japanese equivalents), is obviously also her pretend dad'.

And, honestly, Kazuki doing this seems to kinda low-key incept Miri into viewing Rei as her second papa lol.

She was told by her mother that she had a Papa, singular, and that she was going to meet him at the Varint Hotel. Kazuki presented himself as such, and in the specific context of rescuing her, which is something that Misaki seems to have have told her is what a Papa does.

(The expression on her face and her hand gesture and the way she says this sounds like she's repeating something a trusted adult told her rather than something she came up with herself imo)

So, case closed. But then! her papa tells her to go play with this other guy, who is apparently also her papa? He says he isn't, but the seed has been planted, and it sprouts up later.

Kazuki is berating Rei for not just telling the neighbourhood watch guy that he was her dad, and Miri takes notice. Rei once again denies being her dad, but the idea seems to have stuck for her.

Look at her hurt little face after she heard Rei outright deny being not just her father but also some other sort of family member. She's attached to Rei. She wanted to eat breakfast with him and later wants to sleep next to him. And I'm sure at least some of that is having had him introduced to her as another parent. Fortunately, it works out in the end.

(The voice Kazuki uses here kills me softly. There is genuinely no heterosexual explanation for it lmao.)

('All according to keikaku')

Don't look so smug, Kazuki. Aside from taking Miri into your shared home in the first place, you put the idea of 'Rei-papa' into her head.

So, within Rei's overall arc of changing to become a suitable parent, there's this first mini arc of him accepting identifying as her papa, and it's partially instigated by Kazuki. On Kazuki's end, he doesn't struggle with the label (despite and/or because of his past? Kazuki, you are fascinating), but he has his own unique arc around it.

Part of the reason that Kazuki is so fascinating to me is that he's very straightforward but also he masks as readily as he breathes. Rei isn't as demonstrative or expressive, but he doesn't really hide what he's thinking or how he's feeling. Rei's arc with becoming a father is pretty linear; he first denies then accepts being Miri's papa, he gets a bit involved with raising her, he learns the lesson of how he's not doing enough and needs to step up, then he gets more involved and becomes more confident, culminating in him declaring his desire to be her father in an outright permanent way and he continues growing after the main timeline wraps. His failings are mostly due to having no idea of what a parent is supposed to be like. His father wasn't his father, he was his boss. (Imagine being ~11 years old and having your father hit you in the face and tell you that he's your boss, not your father. This is immediately after he forced you to try to kill a rabid dog, arming you with nothing but a knife, and berating you for not finishing it off. Woof).

Kazuki's failings seem to come from him being too prescriptive or blindly using negative personal experiences as an anchor for what not to do. He also had a terrible childhood, but we lack specific details. He seems to have been abandoned when he was young, so young that he doesn't even remember his parents, and so lacked a real example of how a parent should behave. This undoubtedly would've come up as a stressor when Yuzuko was pregnant. I imagine that he would've gone through the beginner level stages of growth that we saw with Rei, if not exactly in the same way. We come to him at an intermediate level where he knows a lot of basics, but gets tripped up by more higher level concepts.

(Pre-school socialisation isn't about establishing dominance and young kids can have an understanding of right and wrong, Kazuki)

Over the course of the series (and especially in eps 7 and 9), we see Rei look to Kazuki for guidance, and there are also times when Kazuki asserts himself (often erroneously lol) as having the right idea of what to do in a particular situation.

Kazuki's papa arc is more about breaking down the ideas he had built in his head about what good parenting is supposed to look like and holistically feeling it out with respect to what Miri specifically--not some amorphous Child--needs. Rei kind of has the opposite problem, operating purely on vibes rather than structure lol, and that's why they balance each other so well.

Now for the reverse. By the midpoint of ep 3, Miri has been calling Kazuki 'Papa' for days now. It's just hitting me that he didn't try to gently let her down and reveal his lie after they got out of the gunfight. [Rei straight up asked her 'What about your real father?' and got a philosophical answer, so maybe that strategy wouldn't work anyway lol]. I guess he might think of it as easier to just lean into being 'Papa' until they got rid of her, but I'm gonna call it an inverse Freudian slip. Especially since it ties into the first moment I wanna highlight.

Rei is emotionally stunted but also very perceptive. He's read something in Kazuki's actions, tone of voice, body language, etc that indicates that Kazuki doesn't actually want to give Miri up. She's been a little torpedo that imploded two jobs back to back, she gets underfoot, she and makes lots of noise, she and breaks things...and yet. He knows Kazuki well and he saw, perhaps, what Kyu saw when Kazuki was having a moan about them in ep 7.

The rest of the episode plays out and ends with Rei, Miri, and Kazuki going home together for dinner, this time as a quasi family unit. They haven't made any declarations yet, they're just kind of feeling and fumbling their way along. They have some ups and downs as they settle into a dynamic. Then it all blows up in ep 10.

[I could write a whole screed about how ep 10 was a necessary--at least a highly valuable--story beat, but this post is already very long. Some other time, perhaps. ]

Misaki comes back for Miri thanks to Kyu, they are successfully convinced to give her up, and then their little unit falls apart. Another explosion comes in ep 11 with Misaki's death, and now Miri is officially orphaned. Rei, as per usual, asks Kazuki what they should do, and Kazuki reveals that he's in a deep, guilt-induced trough.

We see how Misaki's death is weighing heavily on his mind, and he's surely thinking that he got yet another woman killed due to his desire for a family. He processes her 'protect Miri' plea as needing to stay away from Miri--that that's what he has to do to prevent her from becoming the second child he has to bury. But Rei surprises him.

Kazuki's response is a bit cruel, though not entirely unfounded. He had to temporarily ghost Rei for him to realise all the work that goes into looking after Miri. And even though Kazuki left a fridge full of meals, Rei still ended up ordering pizza because he couldn't recognise them as such. He has a long way to go as a parent. But he wants to do it, and he beseeches Kazuki to make the jump with him.

Kazuki's talking back to himself just as much as he is to Rei. "It might not be too late. [for] Normal happiness" is what he said to Rei on the Ferris wheel. At that time he genuinely thought there was nothing else for them to do but give Miri back to Misaki. But that was when he, like the rest of them, thought that simply stepping back would be enough for Shigeki to be satisfied. It's different now. They both know that, but Kazuki is too raw with hurt and guilty to let himself be happy. It's that characteristic manner in which he gets in his own way. But Rei breaks through all that.

This is the moment. Rei, for the first time as far as I can recall, is shown to initiate physical contact with Kazuki in a way that's soft and not utilitarian. While he talks, he even gives Kazuki's hand a little squeeze. He is going way further than he ever has in expressing his emotions. Change has been a motif for both of them, and Rei says it's possible for them with such conviction--that they can make Miri happy--that Kazuki stops getting in his own way. He comes around in the most Kazuki way possible: transitioning their serious conversation about taking responsibility for Miri (and the implications of dealing with the organisation) into a comedic moment about Rei doing his share of the household chores and childcare.

And with that, they're over the finish line! There's still a lot for them to do in the final episode, but this is the climax of their respective papa arcs. Storming the Suwa compound, confronting Shigeki, and the 10 years later bit are denouement. The two of them approached fatherhood from completely different backgrounds and stances and levels of experience, but it was a journey they took together and one which was not possible without the other.

[suzukiblu]

Re FakeCrytpid!Tim’s nest, I am now imagining Tim in the most over-the-top fancy penthouse apartment, glamorous as all get out, and then you walk into the bedroom and it’s just like, echoingly empty with one those pathetic pigeon nests that is just like, three random sticks not even connected to each other and a random egg a few inches to the left. Except without the egg. Probably.

Kon takes one look at it and is like, I should learn basket weaving? To weave Robin a giant life size basket nest that he can then stuff with pillows and soft blankets and giant heart shaped diamonds? Yeah, that seems right.

Kon, getting TOTALLY the wrong impression from Tim's fail!nest: ohhhhh so you're the kind of bird who wants nests made FOR them, okay, I'll learn basket-weaving! :)))

Tim: . . . w̷̨̛͎̻͈̼͈̼͈̫͖̖͍̒͐̀h̴̢̹͚̮͗̋͆̃̓̍̃́́̊̚ḁ̸̣͍̙͉̐̀̍͛͂̃̑͆̚t̵̢͍͍̥̩͑ ̴̡̹̰̻̤̝̻̎̾͐̂̒̽̃̅̈͋̍͊̕̚ą̷̳̪͚̞̦͉͉̯́͐̏͐͝r̵͖̗̦̓̃̈̌̋̀̋̕̚ḛ̴̘͔͓͓̫͈̼̝͙̌͛̄̈́͘̚ͅͅ ̴̭͉̖̓̈́̌̈́̿̄͌̀̎̒̓͆͝y̴̙̣̱̐̽̀̑͑̋̾̅̅̉͋͝ȏ̵̠̥͕̻̘̱̘̖͍͕̖̟̘͔́̄͒͛̈́͗̏͂̈́́͝͝͝͠u̴̡̜̳͎͎̟͂̔͋̂-̴̨̘̣̹͈͇̐̌̾-̶̪̭̜̪̥̍̏̀̔͌̍͐̂̀́͌͒͝?̵͖̮͓̾̔̃̔̐̿̀̔͠

Kon, already googling YouTube tutorials and dragging over the pathetic pile of sticks to himself with his TTK: do you want just sticks in it or can I use, like, cables and wires and stuff if I get them all from inside Gotham?

Tim, now kinda wanting to see how this plays out: . . . s̶̘̞̹̺̪̺̹̹̽̌ȕ̸̯̹̰̩̜͐͆̑̄̋͘͝͠͠͝��ŗ̵̢̖̰͔̫̥̭͕͎̫̞͐̍̌̋̎͌̎̆͋͒̏̆̓͊̚͜p̷͙̫̼̮͔͓̬͕͛͌̍̈́͠ṟ̴̨̗͈̊̉͊́̒ḭ̶̯̦͔͉̜͉̣̥̊̽̀͒͌͆́̍̓̕͜͝ś̴͇̫̾̒̑̓̐́͑́̈́̃̽̿e̶̗͙̝͚̗̲͓͍̼̥̬̠̔̂̆͐̚͘̕ ̷̧͙̥̱̐̿͜m̵̨̫̫̣̣͓̘̻͓͍͇̎͜͠ͅę̶͇̪̰͊̋̆̒̾̀̓̕͘̕͝.̶̢̢̬̘̝͙͓͇̯͋͂̽̍̀̎̿͒̾̃̊͗͛̕

[quasarifxxy]

What primarily drew me to Kazurei as a pairing isn't the roommate trope, nor the golden retriever and brood cat trope, or the gay spy x family gag, but rather this scene from Episode 8 (that I'm somehow still not over.)

It's the mutual reluctance to love and let themselves heal, with the exception that Kazuki couldn't stand to see Rei in the same position as him, so he offers to take care of him anyway. Both, who had a rough relationship with love, let themselves confide in each other. Rei, who found comfort and experienced what it's like to be taken care of, and Kazuki, who can't help but to extend care because it's something that's just... natural to do in his position. Kazuki, who is hurted by love that is taken from him over and over again, offers what he'd regard as a bare minimum because deep down, he wants his remaining loved ones (and in this timeline just rei) to feel the love he always desired.

Though Kazuki is seemingly full of emotions every time (enough to almost repress his sadness), his actions are always so gentle and full of warmth.

What makes it more beautiful is how Rei adapts Kazuki concept's, or rather, way to express love to Miri (with the most apparent example being Episode 9) considering Kazuki was probably one of if not the first person he'd experienced and therefore actively saw it from. He initially wasn't able to comprehend how to love and be loved, and only through Kazuki's deeds did he learn how comforting and nice it is to be cared for, so he wanted to extend that to Miri after realizing how much his family meant to him.

Going back to the topic, I genuinely adore how Kazurei is a pairing consisting of two people who weren't given the opportunity to love, and during their time before Miri subconsciously fulfilled each other's emotional needs. Though initially distant, they immediately clicked because they fit together like puzzle pieces. Similar desires but difference in approach and seek what the other has.

While there is mutual understanding between them, being able to read each other, neither of the two had the will to step onto each others' boundaries and address it. It was satisfying to see them grow closer emotionally and form the courage to communicate, with great examples being the last few episodes of the series.

Tl;dr the soft aspect of Kazurei made me complerely fall in love with the pairing and I used to be neutral about it

[iridescentscarecrow]

the yoshida inside cover is so interesting to me because so far i've found that all the part two inside covers so far lean very hard into the texture of the city to create this atmosphere of claustrophobia and obvious tension.

it's a lead in from the chapter 98 scene with asa & the class president looking up at the buildings spanning the sky, the palpable lack of nature/plant/greens or any sort of reprise from the grittiness of the city & commenting on how corrupt the city is.

which is why the way the city & the lack of it manifests in the part 2 inside covers reveals so much about each character's reaction to this. i don't think i got at the meat of this though when i initially considered it – the way greenery then sets itself against the city in various instances. i'd got an anon about plant symbolism in part 2 a while back which set me off thinking about it. unfortunately, i am in no way well versed in plant symbolism intricacies so this discussion will only pertain to the way this works re: the narrative.

and the yoshida cover [the first cover to not feature the city at all, the first cover to be set within the wildness of the forest] is so meaningful when it comes this.

ASA & YUKO: UNOBSCURED CITY

all the covers very purposefully do not show the eyes of the characters in question. fujimoto's use of this detail in panels before [the bomb devil arc, the yoshida syringe scene] can be considered to reveal the interiority/obscured thoughts of which jarr with their actions.

here in asa's case the city shadows her. her eyes are bled out of focus, almost by its corrupted grit. yuko, though is different. she's turned her back to us, her eyes can concievably visibly exist in frame but she's looking away/at the city: assigning it its values & ultimately getting swallowed up by it in her quest for justice.

asa dominates the frame & her face is featureless / yuko's figure in contrast is small & diminutive when set against CITY.

i think specifically a lot about the asayuko encounters & the potted plants in their wake. they're set in moments that are potently releases of tension [an anti claustrophobia] which stems directly from them resolving their internal contradictions.

in comparison the leadup to the "don't come to school tomorrow" scene (chapter 105) is full of tension & also plantless: there is no shade, no intersperse. they're sitting in the glaring sun, their conversation occasionally cutting away to CITY attributes: telephone wires/buildings. later, yuko lights a bonfire. fire burns away plants and the fire devil is also the presence that burns down denji's house. the same house with the potted plants nayuta & denji grow.

ASA & KIGA: SHADOWED [] & FEATURELESS SELF

the movement of shade here is genuinely so impactful when considered alongside asa & kiga's covers. for kiga the classroom itself is dim. outside, the sky's light peels back the room's darkness and renders kiga within it.

kiga's setting within the classroom is i think extremely important. during the sisters' public safety breach, kiga makes asa & her keep their school uniforms on. she's never appeared outside it, in fact. she's so settled within this particular role that for her the grittiness of the city is instead manifested by the classroom. more on this later but:

what strikes me is the featurelessness to both of them. they're both horsemen & their faces are bled of indicators – the ringed eyes & the scars that portray their status. you are left with their hollow schoolgirl bodies. it's a very specific flavour of contextualisation, one that offsets the decontextualisation that is [removing families|ripping off uniform/clothes|turning the hybrids into weapons]. asa's power functions through context, through a thing's history, through the guilt of its weaponisation. kiga's appearances always occur at moments where asa is struggling with context (the fight with yuko & her mother's uniform, the aquarium date, her feeling things for the CSM).

KIGA & MIRI: OBSCURED CITY

> the grittiness of the city is instead manifested by the classroom for kiga.

but the miri cover is not that. its shielding (through the potted plants) works against the CITY so much to that the tension to it is almost invisible. the potted plants here are in a way indicative of miri's self illusion of agency and it's something i have a lot of fun comparing to miri's actual cover, with the lucky clovers & that grin on his face as he holds onto the beautiful butterfly of a sword that he materially is.

the nature of the CITY in these two covers is also something to be commented on: for kiga, as i said – the city is miniscule (the sky dominates). miri's presence in his frame is more visible yet simultaneously the city threatens all the background & the angle both emphasises his smallness & enlarges him.

i do find it interesting how miri's eyes are specifically cut out frame. they're visible: he has his own interiority occuring outside this narrative, his own story of himself, but it is inconsequential to the pawn that he is. yuko's eyes while also obscured by framing are within frame. her motivations are essential to the narrative she operates within.

MIRI & YOSHIDA: THE PLANTS

while the [potted] plants grant a reprise from the claustrophobia for miri, the forestry punctuates yoshida's inside cover's tension.

i've already talked about yoshida as a framer for part 2 in an earlier thread of mine (chapter 156, if i'm not wrong) but bringing this into light next to how yoshida excludes himself from the city is interesting. this exclusion is what brings him claustrophobic tension, this abnormality. he is not participating in the city.

i think a lot that surrounds yoshida's character right now is speculation but balancing this with the syringe/head pat scene & the theater scene does bring out a picture of very potent pain (self enacted) when it comes to his own circumstance. the plants around him are wild, undomesticated & unlabelled (his existence as the framer) – in sharp contrast to the potted things grown within cities as hope.

KIGA & YOSHIDA: STANCES

kiga & yoshida's postures mirror each other. they're both faced down, towards the ground, arms held limply at their side. they're both stagesetters: yoshida framing for us the narrative with his two choices, parasocial relationships dialogue / kiga pouring her hunger into the world of part 2 & directing asa's weaponisation.

they're both in areas that are NOT city & CITY is not what inspires their respective tensions. kiga is working within the classroom, education – feeding into people what hunger is and what it means and teaching them what to want. yoshida dons the school uniform to adopt his role before reverting to the public safety suit!

their conversation too, set into perspective for us the overarching plot of part two.

Afterword:

there's so much to tease out from these covers and specifically the urban and urban lifeforms presented to us in part two. there definitely can be analogies drawn to part one's city mouse/country mouse metaphor (*) but i also think that the way autonomy is written at this stage of the story makes this particular play of tension a far more nuanced iteration of (*) and it's one i'm particularly interested in seeing explored in future covers.

thank you for reading!

[logicalbookthief]

With the return of Misaki and the uncertainty over Miri’s custody, I think it’s time to talk about the cat.

Because the cat is a direct parallel, and the reason why I believe things will go differently this time around, since they’ve both grown a lot over the last year.

The argument over the cat perfectly illustrates the crux of Rei & Kazuki’s issues at the start of the series.

Kazuki tells Rei that buying food for the cat isn't enough, you have to be willing to put in the work — and, given that he was gone for one night and comes home to an apartment filled with smoke, along with a pile of take-out and garbage, he was 100% justified in refusing the stray. Genuinely I don’t get why Kazuki taking this stance got the hate it did, any responsible pet owner would look at the Rei of Ep 1 and agree he was not ready for a cat.

However, this is something that Rei grows to understand when he’s left to care for Miri on his own in Ep 7 and Kazuki isn’t around to shoulder that responsibility. Rei realizes that his actions, or inaction, can negatively affect the people in his care, and it gives him a reason to change. I think it also gives him a new appreciation for everything Kazuki does, hence his attempt at French toast.

But I feel we don't discuss Kazuki's reason for giving up the cat enough, because they’re two sides of the same coin.

What he’s saying is objectively true and you can tell he’s speaking from a place of experience with what happened to Yuzuko. However, he is only focused on how what they do can affect the other people in their lives. No mention of how it would feel to lose someone or any lingering on how lonely this life is.

It’s a contrast to Rei, who brings home the stray without a second thought, simply because he wants to, not considering the impact it would have on the cat. Kazuki takes this to the opposite extreme, only considering what’s best for the cat and completely ignoring his own wants and feelings.

So, as we know, the cat is left where Rei found it. Not an ideal situation, no — much like leaving Miri with her mother would be, considering she did abandon her before — but it is the safer option in both cases.

Watch these scenes and tell me he isn’t fond of the cat. And when he realizes it’s cold and comes back with food for the little guy? Yeah, don’t tell me he wasn’t already attached.

But he comes back to an empty box. Implying to Kazuki, and to us the audience, that the cat was taken in by someone who could give it the normal, loving life that it deserves, which is why Kazuki leaves with a smile.

It is interesting to note that despite his disagreement, Rei went along with Kazuki’s decision over the cat, just as he went along with Kazuki’s decisions regarding Miri, whether that meant taking her back to her mom or committing to being her parents.

I always read this scene as Rei seeing how happy Kazuki is having Miri around. And thus he questions if this is really what Kazuki wants to do, resulting in that startled expression on Kazuki’s face. Like he hadn’t even considered that possibility.

Rei is perceptive, recognizing that Kazuki will be sad to see her go, yet he doesn’t argue when Kazuki firmly negates this as an option while looking upset again.

Kazuki has made strides in moving on from his wife’s death, but the idea that it’s okay to move on doesn’t erase the insecurities and tendency toward self-loathing he’s displayed, which were probably there long before he met Yuzuko. Even when he reconciles with Karin, her words of encouragement are, “I bet you can make her [Miri] happy!”

So if he truly believes that Miri will be happier or safer with her mother, Kazuki will absolutely choose to let her go.

And it will be up to Rei to go against his decision for once, because he knows that remaining a family is what they both want.

Here, Kazuki looks sad and resigned. I was always sort of disappointed we didn’t get a scene of Rei & Kazuki during Ep 7 when he was at his lowest and most self-deprecating. Now, though, I wonder if they were saving such a confrontation for this moment right here. Where Rei will have to convince him that his own happiness is a priority, too, and that their family is worth fighting for.

Now, uh. I do think that Rei’s decision that they stay together as a family will result in tragedy — there is too much foreshadowing to pretend otherwise — and that maybe Miri will have to stay with her mother for a bit out of necessity. But the point of this episode I think will be to highlight how much these two have grown because they wanted to be better for Miri and that it isn’t selfish to want to pursue that happiness for their own sakes, too.

[wonder-and-wildflowers]

Unpopular opinion but I actually like that Kazuki and Rei aren't romantically/sexually involved with eachother.

I know a lot of other people would rather it be a bl, but personally I'm genuinely super happy with them being familial and platonic.

Why? Because its still queer. They just aren't gay. This is clearly a queer platonic relationship 🫶🏾💕

[neo--queen--serenity]

I know it’s technically very sad that Rei’s childhood was so traumatic that he never got to be a kid, but I laughed SO hard when Miri tried getting him to ride a seesaw and his clueless ass tried to sit on her side of the seesaw with her. Like my man had NO idea what this brightly-colored, outdoor toy was for, but he was ready to just sit with her on it because he is SUPPORTIVE and she ASKED

[benka79]

Buddies Family episode 8: KazuRei rights! and Protect the family

Rei's father was literally telling Rei to kill his feelings for Kazuki (and Miri) and warning him he could "erase" Kazuki from his life.

Because he sent Rei to kill a man he knew (his mentor, I suppose) knowing he "had betrayed" the organization because he fell in love, got married, quitting his criminal life for love.

So, the mentor was Rei's parallel. Rei wants to change for love. He has Kazuki (the woman/wife in red) and Miri. He has a family to protect, he said it: 'I also have something to protect'. That something is his new family (Kazuki and Miri).

But, BUT-- Why would the writers make the Rei/Kazuki parallel with a romantic couple? I think we know...

Adding to this the car scene in which Rei confessed he didn't care about Kazuki at first "But then you started to clean--"

Boy... THIS IS SOME BEAUTIFUL SYMBOLISM HERE! This means KAZUKI STARTED TO CLEAN REI'S LIFE!!!! KAZUKI STARTED TO CHANGE REI'S LIFE! SO KAZUKI MATTERS TO HIM A LOT!!!

Rei hearing his mentor's last words before dying: "I'll see you again" is also very revealing for him! You can take this like family love to include Miri, ofc, but AGAIN! THE MAN WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS WIFE (ROMANTIC CODED SCENE) and Rei seemed to understand that feeling!

Because he is in love with Kazuki. (I'm sorry, but this episode was full of romantic codification).

And I say this because episode 7 was perfectly a family love related bc KAZUKI LOST A WIFE AND A CHILD (and now he has a new friend/partner /wife and child so you can point at this like family love). But this episode? This episode was ROMANCE. Which yells REI IS IN LOVE WITH KAZUKI.

Do we have doubts? Go see why the candles on his cake have different colors LIKE THE RAINBOW 🌈😉 (!!!!)

So, to conclude:

Episode 7: Kazuki is finding happiness with his new family: Rei and Miri.

Episode 8: Rei wants to protect Miri and Kazuki AND Rei is gay and he's in love with Kazuki. Sue me.

Bye bye!

[ryuuseini]

Y’know what I'm seeing no one talk about?

The ending part of episode 6. Like yes, by now we all know Rei cares a LOT about Miri, we know that. But I'm just, obsessed with the how.

In episode 6, Rei is the one who read the diary entry that Miss Anna wrote about Miri's fight. Not Kazuki. Rei. Because we know Kazuki has already admitted to not reading them, as episode 4 demonstrates. So the fact that, once handed to him and with Kazuki, Rei immediately goes and reads the diary to see what actually happened with the fight. Yes, Rei is canonically the "did you win" father because of his upbringing basically teaching him that winning/preforming well is all that matters, but here's the thing. Rei knows Miri, and he saw the way Miri acted around Taiga. He knows Miri wouldn't have gotten into a fight - he just asked that question because Kazuki said Miri got into a fight. But seeing that Rei wants to know why it even happened in the first place??? As opposed to taking Miss Anna's words at face value? Makes my heart grow.

And I'm sorry if this isn't the most articulate post - I've been sitting here in this posting box trying to make this sound good without throwing Kazuki under the bus by accident (because I know Kazuki is doing good, he just... He's overcompensating for losing his own family, and in that overcompensation he fails to check the facts) and this feels right but I'm not 100% sure? But the fact that Rei read the diary unprompted just... I love that

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Social Issues that Help with Understanding Buddy Daddies

Here are some political, social, and cultural aspects of Japanese culture that I think is important to keep in mind when watching Buddy Daddies. Please note: this is a super long post, with lots of pictures. 

1. Human Trafficking - Slave Labor

In Episode One, we learn that Miri’s birth father was involved in labor based human trafficking involving Southeast Asian individuals. This is currently a very big issue in Japan, since Southeast Asian immigrants (among others) are viewed as a cheap labor option and usually experience slave labor like conditions.

From The United States Department of State website:

Men, women, and children from Northeast Asia, Southeast Asia, South Asia, Latin America, and Africa travel to Japan for employment or fraudulent marriage and are subjected to sex trafficking. Traffickers use fraudulent marriages between foreign women and Japanese men to facilitate the entry of women into Japan for sex trafficking in bars, clubs, brothels, and massage parlors. Traffickers keep victims in forced labor or commercial sex using debt-based coercion, threats of violence or deportation, blackmail, confiscation of passports and other documents, and other psychologically coercive methods.

2. Drugs in Japan

When I was living and working as an ALT in Japan, two ALTs (in a different district, but within the same company of my own), got caught with drugs. It was a big deal and ended up in the newspapers. The company I worked for had to do a lot of PR work with the elementary and junior high schools that they had contracts with, to ensure that the contracts would remain. As for me and the other ALTs? We had to sit through like five separate meetings within like two months about drugs and drug laws in Japan. 

The barebones takeaway is that, in Japan, weed is viewed as being on the same level as hardcore drugs. Charges can be steep and strict. Even just knowing that someone has drugs, and you don’t say anything to law enforcement about it, can get you in trouble. There is a grey area with drugs, which is stuff like bath salts and the like. Since the selling of things like that cannot be prohibited, so they are easily accessible to the public. 

Japan still has a very “90′s D.A.R.E.” approach to drugs. It’s catchphrase is 「ダメ。ゼッタイ。」or “No! Never.”

(Image from a Web Magazine called Nagasaki Press.)

When celebrities are caught with (what’s usually) weed, it can basically be the end of their careers, since recreational drug use of any kind (excluding alcohol, of course), is still negatively looked down upon in Japanese society. This is why it is still heavily left in the hands of the yakuza and drug kingpins, etc. Though there has been a recent increase in protests and ideology surrounding the idea of legalizing weed. Still, not much acceptance for recreational use is likely to come yet. However...

There may soon be some revision to the laws, which will allow for medical use:

Legislation changes scheduled for 2023

In 2021, the MHLW established an expert committee to review the Cannabis Control Act, and it is expected revisions will be proposed in a bill to be submitted in 2023. This will most likely allow for the use of medical cannabis. 2022/12/02

From: Euromonitor

So, something to keep in mind when Kazuki talks about a drug kingpin here is that this drug kingpin is likely not just dealing with super, hardcore drugs, but also softer ones too, like weed.

3. Child Protection Squad

There is this misconception in Japan that really young kids, like Miri’s age, can just roam free all around Japan and no one will find it odd. In Episode 1, we do see Miri roaming around the city without anyone really taking notice, but she also wasn’t in an area where there would be people that are trained to take notice.

In the above image she is at a park, which is likely close to a school somewhere. The man that approaches her here has a band around his jacket sleeve that says こども見守り隊 (kodomo mimamori-tai), which gets translated to “Child Protection Squad.” Basically, these are like crossing guards, in a way, because they do play a similar role to that, but they also do more than that as well:

(Image from the Japanese website: Nice Senior).

This people basically ensure that kids stay on the right paths on their way to school. Most of the time, when elementary school children head off to school, they will go in groups (with the 5th or 6th graders being the leaders) and there will often be older people outside their houses on their way in, keeping an eye on the children to make sure they get to school okay. 

And that’s talking about elementary school aged kids. For ones that are around Miri’s age, usually the parents (mostly mothers) will bring them by bike:

Or they will get picked up by a bus:

This one looks pretty boring in comparison to some others you might see though, like these:

(Image from the Hiyoshidai School Website)

Sometimes the daycare workers will also take them on little excursions outside using big strollers for the kids to travel around in:

(The image is obviously from a stock photo site called fotostock, but yeah, I’ve seen these before when I lived in Japan).

But a little toddler just sitting on her own at a mostly empty park with just a guy sitting at a park bench nearby watching her? That would raise attention and an eyebrow from someone who is essentially a crossing guard and whose job is to ensure the safety of kids as they travel to and from school. 

The rest is under a Read More.

4. Police in Japan

I saw a comment somewhere (maybe it was over on Youtube) about how the cops are portrayed here in Buddy Daddies. The comment was basically that Japanese cops wouldn’t be that aggressive with a child. But, well, cops in Japan have issues like everywhere. Though, the main issue with cops recently has more so been with racial profiling:

(Excerpt is from a Japan Times article entitled:  60% of people with foreign roots questioned by Japanese police, survey finds).

Of course, this situation is different from the one we see happening with Miri, but the Japanese police have issues with corruption too. So this happening wouldn’t seem too out of the realm of possibilities to me. The anime Tiger & Bunny 2 Part 2 also recently had some moments in the season where there was some anti-cop (ACAB-type) sentiments expressed by a character (though that series is also meant to take place in a city based on NYC).

5. Issues Surrounding Reproductive Rights, Contraception, and Abortion

“Took advantage of me” is fairly vague wording, but considering the type of guy he was, and the fact that Miri’s mother is caught in another abusive relationship, it wouldn’t surprise me if Miri’s conception wasn’t fully consensual one. People like to talk about how safe Japan is, but Japan has a lot of sexual violence that goes unreported: 

(From an article entitled:  Many sexual violence victims in Japan do not report assaults to police, support groups: survey - The article was posted on November 24, 2020 over on The Mainichi news website).

There is a lot of societal pressure in Japan, that can cause a lot of judgement as well. Especially around issues of reproductive rights. From a Japan Times articles entitled:  Pandemic provides an opportunity to improve access to contraception, posted on January 30th, 2022, we can get a little insight into the issues surrounding contraceptives:

The article also talked about the judgement that can come with contraceptives. The last line also talks about abortion, which comes with its own set of issues in Japan:

(From The Japan Times article: Abortion legal and apolitical in Japan, but cost and consent present barriers)

So abortion was likely an option that Miri’s mother didn’t think was really viable, especially in her situation.

7. Being a Single Mother in Japan, Adoption

In Ep.3 we hear Kazuki parroting a lot of the stuff you usually hear when it comes to women in children, like it is meant to be a natural and innate thing. There is a societal pressure for a woman to give birth and care for the child, even when they aren’t in the best situations to do so. Miri’s mother was, for all intents and purposes, a single mother. Since I doubt the abusive man she is currently with had any hand in helping Miri.

Being a single mother anywhere can be a big challenge, but especially so in Japan. Some issues that single mother’s face in Japan, according to the article “Why Most Families with Single Mothers in Japan are Living in Poverty” from a site called The Borgen Project: 

From that same article, we learn that joint-custody and child support doesn’t exist in Japan. So Miri’s mother was likely under a lot of societal and financial stress, along with possible Post-Partum Depression, and (also probable) burnout. This doesn’t mean that her behavior or attitudes are okay, but that they are likely a result of a failed system. 

I’ve seen some people bring up adoption, but adoption doesn’t automatically mean that a child will have a better life either. My grandfather’s mother was force to give her children up to the state, so my grandfather spent a good chunk of his life in an orphanage. It wasn’t a pleasant experience. And the probability that Miri would have been adopted had her mother gone through the actual system is, sadly, extremely low. From an article entitled: “The state of orphans in Japan and how to help” found on the site Zenbird.Media is this bit of information:

And even if Miri had been in an orphanage, Misaki (Miri’s mother) would still be her legal guardian. 

So an option like that would be unappealing for Misaki, because she doesn’t want anything to do with Miri. 

7. LGBT+ Individuals Being Viewed as “Not Productive”

Finally, we have the last thing I briefly want to talk about. The main backbone of Buddy Daddies, which is these two hitmen taking care of a child. Last year, a Japanese politician was in the news because she retracted some previous statements she made in 2016 and 2018. We are going to focus on her 2018 statements, which were:

Her comment received a lot of backlash and was big news. Her retracting her statements also brought a lot of news and talk too. The above information comes from The Japan Times article: “ Japanese lawmaker retracts past remarks on LGBTQ and other minorities.” Her other comments are awful too, but it should be noted that her one about sexual-minority couples stems from the issue of Japan’s declining birthrate. Even though many people in Japan are supportive of LGBT+ rights, there are people that hold a similar viewpoint as this. 

Buddy Daddies is pretty directly challenging this ideology, especially with how they have been handling things. So that’s pretty cool and revolutionary in its own way. It makes me interested in seeing how this continued topic as well as any future social issue topics will be handled or touched upon in Buddy Daddies.

If you read this all until the end: thank you so much! I put a lot of work into this write up and I hope it can help (I learned some things too while researching!).

[darling-wendy]

rei and miri's physicality: a chronological analysis (part 1)

Time to go into one of the meta topics that has been buzzing in my head for a while now. It's about how Miri and Rei interact with respect to physical contact, and how I am smitten by the way he's so gentle with her and lets her take liberties with him. This is gonna be long and image-heavy [NB now has descriptions]. I have to split it into two parts because of the image limit.

Episode 2! This is the first time that Miri and Rei have physical contact with each other, and it's Kazuki pawning her off to Rei so he can make breakfast without her running underfoot.

As I went to get these screencaps, I noticed that Rei's hands automatically come up to hold her even though he's clearly kind of sceptical about the arrangement at this point. (Lol at Kazuki backing away as though he's afraid Miri is radioactive).

Episode 3! And here begins a running gag about Miri's favourite way to wake up Rei lmao.

I'm curious as to why Rei was sleeping on the sofa to begin with, when that's where they put Miri until she gets her own room in episode 4, and Miri didn't know Rei slept in the bathroom until later on.

Miri goes looking for Rei after Kazuki turns down her request to sleep with him. She finds Rei sleeping in the bathtub as per usual for him and eagerly clambers into the tub so she can sleep with him. Going by the setup of Misaki's apartment in episode 11, she's probably used to sleeping with her mother.

Despite his resting bitch face and reserved demeanour, Miri is already super comfortable with him. She's plopped on his chest, pawing at his face, and goading him to smile. And Rei is very accommodating of her whims. He later tells her to stop kicking the back of his seat in the car, but doesn't tell her to stop pawing at his face. Around this time in the story, Kazuki complained about her climbing into his lap when he was trying to eat, but Rei just....lets this happen lol.

There's a cut out and it fades back into her asleep in the tub, wrapped in Rei's blanket as he looks down at her from outside it. The implication seems to be that she just tired herself out pawing at Rei and then he relinquished his sleeping spot, probably to go out on the sofa.

Such a significant moment. I had already realised that this was the first time that Rei had addressed Miri by name, but it was only while I was drafting this post that it hit me that this was also the first time he had willingly and consciously initiated physical contact with her. I also think it's significant that he repeats the 'Let's go home, Miri' line after she's jumped into his arms. It's him fully committing to the sentiment.

It's sweet how after he has made his 'I'm her papa' resolve, he doesn't seem to put her down again until they meet back up with Kazuki.

Episode 4!

It's so adorable how Miri loves climbing on Rei and how he just let's her despite him not being a tactile person.

Him keeping Miri on his lap after they both woke up from their nap is so precious.

Tsundere Rei lol. Even though he acted very put upon to be there, he was clearly paying attention and even anticipated the high five coming before Kazuki did.

I think this is the only instance of her hugging both their legs at once and I love it. I love it! It's so dear to me. I love this family 😭

Episode 5!

Rei's expression here is golden. Miri, like most small children, is very adorable. But, also like most small children, she can be very annoying lol.

We get another instance of her preferred method of waking up Rei--jumping on him--band she even shakes him for good measure, but he's simply too tired to react.

This is also a good point to note the difference between him sensing something and waking up before she even flipped the lights in episode 3 and the way he's now so comfortable with her presence here that can even sleep through her deliberately trying to wake him.

I wish I had a gif because screenshots do not do justice to the softness with which Rei picks up and gazes at Miri while she's asleep. He's 1000% having a 'that's my baby girl; I'm her dad' moment.

And just look at his expression after Kyu reveals he knows what the deal is. He's nervous about what Kyu will do, and there's also so much 'don't take her away from me' energy coming off him. I see in him shades of the Rei who will tell Kazuki that he wants to keep taking care of her after her mother is killed.

And that's part one! Part two is here.

[ambafaerie]

CSM 139 Thoughts

tw//mentions of csa

It is absolutely heartwarming to see that Sugo appreciates Denji for freeing him and is the first person to approach him with the intention of being his friend with no ulterior motives.

But even this sweet moment is tainted by the fact the Chainsaw Man Church is using Sugo without his knowledge to get closer to Denji. And that Denji refuse to accept his offer of friendship and protection until Sugo mentioned women will be at the functions the Church will be hosting.

Denji and Sugo are young boys who were abused and manipulated by older figures of authority. They are free on the surface but in reality they still continue to be taken advantage of but don’t know it and in Denji’s case, are emotionally stunted to properly recognize that they were sexually assaulted.

The fact Fumiko is present during their entire conversation continually interrupting Sugo while sitting on the back of the minor she sexually assaulted embodies the situation Sugo and Denji are trapped in.

[bsd-elle]

Thoughts on Buddy Daddies Episode 11

Because damn, what a whiplash of an episode.

This episode, if nothing, is a direct parallel of the first two episodes of the series.

But let's start from the beginning.

The episode starts with Kazurei living their lives, but in a monotonous beat. Kazuki continues his same routine of domestic activities, but as seen by the state of the house and how Rei said, he's definitely not the best.

Rei dedicates his nights to playing video games and sleeping in the morning. And I wonder if it's because of the prior episodes, knowing that Miri was in danger, and now Kazuki would be the next threat, he doesn't allow himself to sleep at night, because he wants to be alert and ready for anything, for Kazuki.

The moment that stood out to me was when they both sat on the couch and watched Miri's favourite show while reading cup ramen.

From what we've seen of the show, every time they have food, they sit at the dining table, but this is one of the first times we've seen both of them on the couch, watching TV.

They probably set an alarm on their phones, to watch the show, because they know that somewhere, out there, Miri is watching the same thing, and they could be connected to her in that sense.

They also both have cereal, the same one that Kazuki was against, at the table with the high chair that they never could find in their hearts to move.

When Kazuki goes through Miri's room, which as we see, most of the stuff has been sent over to her, this is one of the few times we witness Kazuki crying and feeling genuine hurt over the loss of his daughter, and the loss of his family.

Going through the process of losing your family all over again, a concept that he just recently decided to accept and feel happy about, most have sent him reeling.

Kazuki took this as a sign, "yes, I can't be a father, I can't have a family, it's just not in the books for someone like me, so why should I feel bad? I can't feel bad, because it wasn't even possible, so why care now?".

Rei, on the other hand, misses her so desperately, probably to a level he didn't even think he was capable of, holding her rubber duck close to him while he sleeps, because she was his sleep buddy.

Their conversation in the balcony was a turning point for both of them. We see Rei smoking after a long time, which according to him, he stopped because of Miri.

And I love that Miri inspired this good habit, because throughout this conversation, he never actually smoked.

Rei winners if Miri is eating well, and he expresses genuine concern for her, and wishes her the best, whereas Kazuki doesn't even stop to consider the possibility that she isn't being treated well, because that would break his entire heart.

To know that they let her go but she's still not living a good life.

Rei says that he's planning on returning to his father's place, to which Kazuki replies that there's no point in them staying together. Which I'm just going to accept as another coping mechanism.

We've seen from past episodes that Kazuki was really concerned about Rei and the chance that he would return to his father's house, because he knows that it would be detrimental for Rei.

But now, we see him, pretty nonchalantly say that it wouldn't matter.

Kazuki, who just lost his daughter, is losing his partner, someone who has been by his side for so many years, and someone he thinks would be better off without him. Someone who wouldn't be considered his family without Miri.

He doesn't think that he can put up a fight, he doesn't think that he has any right to stop Rei, to stop their family from breaking apart.

Which is why, when Rei offers him his apartment, he declines because 'he'd like something smaller', I attribute to the fact that this apartment contains past memories of his family, one he was unable to keep.

From Rei's perspective, I just love that he offered Kazuki his apartment without a second thought, the same person who referred to Kazuki as 'couch-crasher' in the first episode, has had his apartment, his routine, his life be completely altered with a Kazuki shaped impression (and Miri shaped), with clean floors and full fridges.

I also think it was his way for Kazuki to always remember him. He knows that moving to his father's place would potentially mean that they would never see each other again, especially with Miri's absence. He knows that his father is aware of Kazuki's presence in his life, and it would be, on paper, better for him and safer for him to be away.

But he couldn't resist, throwing him his lighter, a constant reminder that Kazuki decided to take in a child, that both of them grew to love and care for, that both of them decided to give up for her safety, a child for whom Rei decided to stop smoking, and hasn't yet, to this date.

We then move to Kazuki and Kyuu's conversation at the cafe, Kyuu understanding that Kazuki isn't in the best state of mind, and would probably revert back to his old tendencies of gambling, to drown his thoughts. We also see Kazuki talk about how Rei and his father 'rub him the wrong way', and I'm sure that's due to the fact that Rei quite clearly has a strained relationship with his father, and the byproduct of the fierce creature that is Shigeki Suwa is Rei Suwa, who was the perfect assassin, until Kazuki and eventually Miri showed up.

And he is the perfect assassin, because the second Miri is brought into the question, he's willing to become the person he was, to kill anyone just to ensure that Miri would be safe.

Skipping forward to Misaki's untimely death. Tbh, I really hated this plot point, at first. The fact that Kazuki and Rei seemingly had their paths cleared by the death of Miri's father and mother, irked me.

But I also completely understand, given there are only 12 episodes of content, they had to wrap things up quickly, I get why they decided to proceed the way they did.

And I'm glad they gave Misaki her moment to grieve and regret, because it's really unfortunate.

She went through so much throughout her life, finally had the chance to rewrite history and create a new future with her daughter, but her own past mistakes eventually hurt her.

Speaking of Misaki, even though it's clear that she's working really hard on trying to be a better mother, I also think that she's FAR from being a good mother, tbh.

The moment that really set me off, is even Miri is talking about her papas, to which Misaki completely turns the conversation around to be about how she should've never let Miri feel lonely. Which completely invalidates Miri's emotions considering the fact that she was happily talking about spending time with her papas, to hear her own mother say that she wouldn't let her feel lonely... Idk..

I think if Miri heard, 'oh, I'm so sorry I made you feel lonely, I'll try my best not to make you feel that way', she could internalize that as, 'Should I have felt lonely in that moment? Am I a bad person because I felt happy, even though my mom is telling me that I should've felt lonely?'.

And this same feeling is carried over to when Misaki says to Miri that she'll work hard to be a mother Miri can love, and we can see Miri in that moment look upset and cling to get and say that she does love her.

And again, it's very easy as a four year old, to internalised that as your mistake, that you aren't showing your love strong enough to the point that your mother doesn't recognise it.

Now, am I saying all this because I think Misaki deserves everything that happened to her?

Absolutely not.

She was genuinely trying her best to be a better parent, and was doing with what she had and the knowledge she possessed, and isn't that what both Kazuki and Rei are trying to do too?

Even with her dying breath, all she wanted was for Miri to be safe and be protected, that's all she ever wanted, and it's really unfortunate that her story had to the in this manner.

But, I do want to highlight that even though Misaki was trying her best, she's definitely not the perfect mother, and neither are Kazuki and Rei.

But what's interesting is that, the one time Kazuki teared up, he made sure to hide his face from Miri, and I think that comes from years of having to see pain upfront, that conditioned him like this, but it is interesting to point out, the contrast in the two.

Further along, we see that Misaki's dying wish was ingrained in Kazuki to the point that he's already formulated a plan to put Miri into an orphanage.

However, as my initial point at the start of this post, a parallel to the first few episodes, Rei is the one who wants to take care of Miri, Rei adamantly fights for them to take care of her.

When Kazuki, rightfully, asks him what he can do, we see Rei actually introspect, the decisions that had led to this moment, every single little thing, that brought his little girl into her life, and changed him inside and out.

He was comfortable with business transactions, cold bodies with no pulses, glove cladded, professional handshakes, but for the first time, he sees value in life, he sees value in people, he feels warmth.

He sees life in people, connections he's made and the impacts that they have had on him.

Both of them.

It's fascinating because I think Kazuki and Rei processes things in such different manners.

When Miri was in danger, Kazuki's reaction to shut down and logically try to distance himself from her, because he doesn't think that he deserves her, whereas Rei's reaction is to pull closer to her, to try and be there for her even more, to not let her out of his sight for a second (and how could he do that without his partner?).

And it's so interesting that he's the one who's thinking emotionally in this moment, wanting to preserve every essence of Miri, and recreate it.

Whereas, Kazuki, in his mind, is thinking in the most logical manner.

And I think Rei understood that, unfortunately Kazuki has closed off his walls, put up his mask again, and thinks that they can never be a family again.

So he switches strategies and asks Kazuki the most logical question, wouldn't it be unfair to leave Miri after killing both her parents and then abandoning her?

And I think Kazuki was able to see that point, which is why he got so angry, because it's painful.

It's painful to bring his family back up again, so he's trying every single thing to stop it from happening, because he thinks that Miri would be safer in orphanages, than without him, that he's just a curse for everything around him.

So when Rei adamantly tells him, we can change.

It hits him.

And UGGHH.. The writing is so flawless, because the first time Rei asked Kazuki if they could change in Episode 8, when they were in the car, Kazuki replies quite cheerfully, who knows.

Because he had hope, he had belief that they could change, and it would happen.

But in episode 10, when they're brought back to reality, out of the haze, he says to Rei that, guess they weren't able to change.

Because in that moment, they weren't able to keep their family together, HE wasn't able to protect all of them, and like last time, he lost them.

So, his immediate response is to go back to the start, back to 'normal', back to a reality where he didn't change, he didn't accept happiness, and he didn't think he COULD be happy.

So this time, seeing his partner, someone he's spent years with, someone who raised his child with him, someone who would never fight passionately or emotionally, someone who was the 'perfect assassin', tell him, point blank,

We can change.

He sees hope, he sees a future, he sees happiness, he sees SOMETHING in Rei and Miri, and their time together, and if his partner is telling him that he can change, well? Who's Kazuki to stop him.

And Kazuki confirms to Miri that they're back together again (looking so Godamn pretty, OMG).

And the episode ends with Kazuki and Rei declaring that they're both leaving the assassin world, to be an actual family, to be fathers for Miri.

A wonderful episode that I desperately wished could've been expanded even more, but sigh, we only have 12 episodes.

I hope the last episode either deals with them being a family on paper, with a timeskip to the future after they've successfully gotten away, OR, the better one, where we get badass kazurei beating everyone in the organization.

(I desperately hope for the second option, but tbh, since it's only one episode, I wouldn't mind either way♥️).

[silversoulstardust]

i keep ranting about this in my tags but unless you follow me, you wouldn't be able to see it so here i am making a separate post about it.

there's been a divided response to lily's new buddy daddies art where suwa shigeki showed up with a backpack gift for miri, and most of them are along the lines of “guys he was the one who wanted to kill miri before” or “he was the reason miri’s mom is dead!” or “rei became disabled because of him” and therefore he shouldn’t be forgiven and shouldn’t be allowed within 100 yards of miri and her fathers

really? in a story that preaches about change over and over again, it’s hard to believe that hardy old man can change?

it’s a bit hypocritical of us to believe that rei, kazuki and misaki could change but not rei’s father. I just wanted to remind you guys that in the finale he had a functioning gun in his hand as rei turned to walk away from the organization and he was pretty much capable of shooting rei dead at the time. BUT HE DIDN’T. he didn’t, and rei could walk away to go back to his family. 

he too, changed by the end of the show.

so lily’s art is not really too far fetched from the narrative.