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lilmajorshawty · 2 years ago

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Venus, Moon And Romance. 💖🎶

Moon Or Venus In Aries - Moon or Venus in The First House: The Constant Hard on.

🎶Rosalia - Pienso Tu Mira

🎶Rosalia - Di Mi Nombre

🎶Rosalia - A Pale

🎶INNA - SIn Ti

🎶Clubz - Popscuro

🎶Buscabulla - Tartaro

For these natives romance and love itself is a heated and fiery expression, an art form a means of drama to the ordinary.They run hot and can seem temperamental, in your face and entirely too good to be true in terms of their passionate and rather blunt way of expressing desire. They don’t keep you guessing with the hot and cold, rather they invite a wild fire that’ll never cease right to your front door. They crave intensity and to feel desired, more than most they become a child in love and they are deeply seeking the type of love, desire and heat that can come from a romantic entanglement. Men and Women of this placement tend to crave something a little “bad” for them, and it can be quite hard if aries is present to solely pursue the good guy. They want someone to tame them otherwise if the person is lacking in tenacity or presence they'll get eaten alive by these natives and that is when they loose interest. Even with a chart full of Libra or Cancer, Aries being present will give them that edge, and fiery raw sexual nature that seeps through the skin like molten magma. Sexually they are easy to arouse but hard to keep consistently so. The reason is that they need someone who can keep up, change pace and catch every single one of their drifts, mental jumps and physical desires that change CONSTANTLY. they can be worse than Gemini in this sense because what fascinated them a moment ago can change at a moments notice. They are ferocious lovers and can have a strong jealous streak. the thing with them is though Jealousy, anger, sadness are fleeting emotions for them, so if you continuously hurt them, you’ll see the famous Arian detachment that puts even Aquarius and Leos to shame. They are very content with one lover but can play the field like no ones business when they’re single. They are also very picky about sex, the when and the where of it matter to them when they aren’t in love. They are magnetic, independent and time never makes them see father time. The youth and passion they bring into their unions can be draining but it can also feel like a never ending merry-go- round.

“I want it to kill me, Rip me up and leave me wasted, dead, aching”

Moon Or Venus in Taurus - Moon Or Venus In the 2nd House: Everything Taboo, Above And Below

🎶Clea Vincent - Chateau Perdu

🎶Clea Vincent - Retiens Mon Desir

🎶CLIO - T’as vu

🎶Claire Laffut - Verite

🎶Claire Laffut - Nudes ft Yseult

🎶Vendredi Sur Mer - Lune Est L’Autre

For These natives there is often a underhanded beat to them. they are conventional, but the moment you snag em, tug on those heart strings they try so desperately to hide you’ll see just how intense and obsessive these bulls can be. “obsessive” isn’t used here to be derogatory rather it’s to set the tone of the type of love these natives express. They want to devour their lover, in every aspect in every moment. They soak up the sweet talks, head rubs and sensual body touching like it was a blue star. they adore the mundane and subtle aspects of a connection more than most people and because of that they are easy to read. they are choosy and cold until they decide you are worth their time but the moment they set their hooves in the ground you become the bell they wont and can’t stop dancing around. they prefer a slow courting stage in most cases, but these Women and Men tend to be lovers and can’t help get swept up by the moment. Some might start slow and then be eaten up by the passion only a short while after. They are intense, dare i say even more so than Scorpios could ever be. The reason of the stark contrast in their level of intensity derives from the fact that unlike Scorpio, Taurus has their passions so deeply tied to the senses and the world around them that they become a slave to it. They can’t turn away from their desires or passions and are often ruled by lust in many cases that gets mistaken for love. They live in a world of infatuation more than they do one ruled by “true love.” they have a tendency of giving their hearts to the devil when their are angels all around begging for their love. Sexually in a union they are gluttons and can go and go, and go. The more they grow accustomed to you or your touch the orgasms they have tend to grow in intensity. They are loyal till death but are more on the conservative side even when they are single. they value long term over something that is one night unless they are severely lacking in any foundations in their life at the time. they can be overwhelming for some relationship wise because of how “real” they can be. They don’t play around and will be demanding lovers.

“I Feel you like vibrations along my nerves, It drives me crazy but please don’t stop vibrating”

Moon or Venus In Gemini - Moon Or Venus In The Third House: The Insatiable Want, The Constant Empty.

🎶Paradis - Hemisphere

🎶Paradis - Toi Et Moi

🎶Jacques Greene - Night Service(Fort Rameau Remix)

🎶Jacques Greene - Distance

🎶Polica - Little Threads

🎶Polica - Warrior Lord

For these natives the line between romance and Complete apathy is very thin. One moment they are feeling the highs and lows of falling in love, having a crush, having a desire so intricate and tight knit that they are practically engulfed by the sensation like a drug. Yet in less than a second, a moment or a few days all of that intensity can fade, erode or seemingly exhaust its enthusiasm faster than the speed of light. The reason being is for Gemini placements romance, sex, attraction is in the head, it’s not solely dependent on the flesh. they are enthused by bodily assets like a big dick, or a nice curve, or even mayhaps a pretty smile, but it isn’t what ties the deal in for them. they prefer a dance that is littered with words spoken and unspoken. they enjoy a quiet sound to the courting stage that does not involve a heavy reliance on intimacy in the way many of us are so dependent and expectant of. Many with this placement aren’t talkers when they like someone, rather they become mouse. yet when it’s someone they feel nothing for they can dance better than anyone ever could, you might even think they’re in love with you if you didn’t already know better. Similar to Scorpio(hence why the two are inconjunct) When these natives actually feel something for you, they become very quiet, very careful and cautious and very..Dare i say ATTACHED. Now for many of us this isn’t something bad right? well for Gemini placements this is a fate worse than death. they are intensely afraid of loosing objectivity when it comes to these matters which all becomes gone with the wind the moment these women and men begin to actually cherish their moments with you. For the Gemini mooners this can mean going mute or loosing the ability to start a conversation with the person which is a complete 360 from what they originally present to you which will have you wondering if they hate you. For the Venus sisters and brothers this can mean becoming concerned, attentive but “distant” Which will contrast how open, bubbly and childlike they just were with you. For these natives attraction goes from being something lighthearted, and a time waster to something consuming and mentally absent. as lovers, once they get over the mental dead space hurdle they ARE immensely loving and and emotionally responsive, often having no qualms about expressing their love and desire of you. In fact they are some of the most vocal lovers of the zodiac. they can have moments where they seem more distant and unavailable but really this stems from the fact that no matter how you look at it you will always be dealing with more than one person when you deal with Gemini. The first decan oscillates between care free and open to, serious and pessimistic. the second decan oscillates between independent and Dependent. the third decan oscillates between childlike and bubbly to cold and emotionally distant. So always remember they can switch at any moment and knowing which twin your’re dealing with is important. Sexually they can fluctuate, they’re similar to Pisces in this regard they want sex when you want sex, they are into what you are into, the only difference for this mutable position is that if you can’t stimulate their mind, the will loose interest in the sex within a second of the foreplay. they are very hard to arouse, and if you can’t get their head in it, the sex wont happen at all.

“Demonstrations of good and bad, leave me wondering why i can’t find myself playing either side solely, i’d rather play both”

Moon or Venus in Cancer - Moon or Venus In The 4th House: If a Heart Could build A home

🎶Amanda Stenberg - Let My Baby Stay

🎶Raveena - Honey

🎶Maye - Tu

🎶Japanese Breakfast - Boyish

🎶Moonchild - The List

🎶Odie - North Face

For These Natives love and Romance can feel like a game of chasing after what doesn’t want you and being chased after what you do not like. Their intense sexuality draws people in like moths to a fly, mainly because their aura is so earthly and divinely feminine and self assured no matter if they are male or female. They are impossible to meet in the realm of emotions mainly because they keep a very thick wall between what they feel and what they “intuitively” pick up from someone. Often i’d describe them as waves of the sea that never find stillness. Finding and maintaining interest in a lover beyond the initial physical attraction can be difficult for them, this is due to their inner insecurities linked to self love.Attracting taboo and mind games is always at the forefront until they master true inner self love, as when they haven’t mastered this crucial aspect everyone that gravitates towards them are reflections of this inner hate of the self. They can have a bad girl/bad boy complex that is shrouded in the sweet and innocent disposition. Part of them is dark and intense which is a stark contrast to what they outwardly portray to the world around them. Falling n love takes years for them and even if they do happen to let you in sooner you’ll feel as though you’re only getting part of them as these natives take the Scorpio ice out to a whole new level. Family and their relationship with their family will color how intimate or lacking in intimacy they may be. If much of their childhood was restricted they’ll challenge that theme by creating tension and seeking something dark in their love unions. if they were loved and protected they will be just as parental and tender as their upbringing taught them to be. Ociliating between committed and not committed can be the case with those who possess the lower vibrations of these placements but in most cases depth, emotional intensity and complete smothering represent the expression of their love once they truly let you in. Moodiness and emotional black outs are common as well especially the closer you get to them. They can seem lighthearted, fun and deeply detached one moment and then jealous, agitated and closed the next moment. They tend to be very sexual but can seem asexual most times due to how important emotional standings are prior to having sex can be for them. They need “Emotional Understanding” for sex to really mean anything to them which is often why sexualizing their “curves” or “body” is the quickest way to turn them off. These natives are intense and they can put Scorpios to shame a million times over so if you don’t have your emotions together be very aware they will tear that shit out of you.

“I wanted to feel you like the wind on my skin, and the welting nerves as i form tears”

Moon Or Venus In Leo - Moon Or Venus In The 5th house: If It’s Not Fire Or Desire

🎶Kaytranda - 10%

🎶Kaytranda - Do It

🎶 Ravyn Lenae - Sticky

🎶Kelela - LMK

🎶Lion Babe - Treat Me Like Fire

🎶Lion Babe - Hourglass Ft. Disclosure

Full Fledged Leo moon and venus/in the 5th housers tend to exude this powerful force, and energy that feels angelic yet ferocious like that of a fallen angel. Love can be exhilarating but Painful. For them love is like the forbidden fruit and one they tend to be frightened of eating. They can boist their self love, or self confidence and self reliance but it’s all a farce to protect themselves from the scariest part of life, the part one cannot control no matter how brightly they try to shrug it off. This Unknown killer of Leo’s is love. They can be a slave to it, no matter how intense they can be with the rest of life that is the only sphere of their life they have no counter too. They approach love with a level of heaviness, as if you where caught in a house fire. They literally devour their lovers, body and soul. There is no, “Half” when it comes to romance, they need it in bulk and by the trillions and even the slightest smell of insincerity or distraction in your tone will have them out of love faster than water droplets have time to hit the floor during a storm. Ultimatums is their love language and they constantly pose them as they often times find their romances or lovers failing to meet their incredibly high love demands. On it’s own this isn’t bad but they can often times attract power plays and intense dire combatants in their love unions that makes things incredibly unstable and tense. Now in many cases these natives are attracted to this sort of fiery back and forth but it can at times put them in grave danger if their appetite to be challenged isn’t dealt with in youth. The Lion spirit is very present in their actions and they tend to have their libidos sky rocket when they are in love as almost all of their instincts are telling them to preform, entice and seduce their lovers. They are insanely giving and “other” centered but despite this they can be A LOT to handle due to how much of “you” they want. For these natives they are independent and they expect this same ability to be “alone” from you, though if this is overdone they can loose interest. similarly to cats they like to be seduced and be left guessing,so if they grow to expect certain behavior from you they’ll grow bored, yet if you change the rules too much they’ll grow paranoid at you. A nice balance of wanting them, yet having outside things to do is healthy as it gives them time to miss you but also time to appreciate you being away. Chaos is the best way to describe their love style, as it can feel like being trapped in a volcanic explosion 25/8 and don’t even think about asserting dominance without being challenged, the men and women with this placement will dig your grave before listening to a single demand you give them. SEX and INTIMACY are intense needs for these natives once they let you in and this gets pretty exhausting if you aren’t a person who is normally used to so much “contact” that being said these natives are Loyal almost to a fault and don’t know when enough is enough but trust me if taken for granted too long you’ll notice their disappearance as it will feel like having all the fire, passion leave your body. it could be compared as too having the sun itself turn it’s back on you.

“The idea was to feel like i was already crowned, the flowers, and gold, the rosemary and wine, the inescapable desire, to feel totally engulfed by impulsive passion”

Moon Or Venus Virgo - Moon Or Venus In The 6th House: Something To be Fixed, Something Always Broken.

🎶Brent Faiyaz - Skyline

🎶 Brent Faiyaz - rehab

🎶Brent Faiyaz - Insecure

🎶FKA Twigs - Thousand Eyes

🎶FKA Twigs - Cellophane

🎶FKA Twigs - Hows That

These natives are well known for their melancholic, rather dreary expression. they exude innocents and sensitivity yet something deep in this lost girl, lost boy aesthetic seems like there is often a double meaning to this willingness to be of service to others. unlike the sun and mars of this position the desire to be of service isn’t all the tied up to self worth or their ego rather it is tied up to their need for the concept of perfect emotional fulfillment. as you can imagine this is a very high bar to place on every partnership as most often than not meeting someone whom you connect with so deeply is a rare sight in itself and maintaing the highs and lows of your differences is what we all must come to accept and understand as a part of unity with another. These natives can lack the ability to be patient in that regard often wanting that ideal faster than it’s often ready to present itself so they often move things forward by creating a mission or becoming the mission themselves. thats the dark polarity of these beautiful people, one could blame it on mercury. The difference being that while gemini are semi conscious of this polarity, Virgo compartmentalize these personas and in the realm of emotions and relationships it creates highs and lows that show up as rifts and chasms rather than outright ups and downs. This is the allure, often times they present a rigid, aloof, and cool demeanor. they can feel misleading, because after the lengthy courting period they will make you their project, their sword, their mask, their blanket and yes even their home. they are sensitive and EXTREMELY trapped in their head-space so many times over they are analyzing their actions as well as yours. they value space and sanctum so often times they try to keep away from your friends unless you’ve vocally expressed that you’d like them to converse with your friends. they wont tag along with you somewhere unless you personally invite them or let them know its something you’ll desire. they wont initiate sex unless you express the desire for them first. see with these natives it’s not flirty and blunt like fire it’s slow and sensual like earth. everything is slow building. These natives let you know in every natural and environmentally practical way that they want you. one example is the way they touch you, it’ll seem like you’re their patient in a hospital, it’ll be the way they pay attention to every detail as if you’re their first born, it’s the way they’ll handle you and your weaker personality traits with kid gloves and patients, and it’s the way they nit pick the mess out of you to build you into something great. these natives are slow to truly invest emotionally and you’ll always feel like you’re dealing with a shy teenager of the quiet variety but they are so loyal and so deeply sacrificing. Sexually they are beyond freaky, the live and breath your desires and are willing to compensate in any way to match those desires. they don’t run hot and cold so most likely they will be direct and upfront about their intentions no matter how shy they are. ironically the more they like you the more rational their mannerisms with dealing with you become. they also do the famous virgo stare but unlike the sun and mars counterpart it’s much sadder and plenty more vulnerable. they fall in love very hard and can be some of the sexiest of the zodiac, because 9/10 their innocent act is a gag and their real, plethora of other personalities are kinky, reckless, angry, sad, passionate, evasive, tension filled, rebellious, trauma all in one.

“to see all of your wounds and closed spaces, to live among them and bandage them, to watch you fall and stand again, that is the truest form of intimacy”

Moon Or Venus In Libra - Moon or Venus In the 7th House: The Mom And Dad Dynamic.

🎶Jungle - House In LA

🎶Jungle - Lucky i get what i want

🎶Toro y Moi - So many details

🎶Toro y Moi - Say that

🎶Zayn - BeFoUR

🎶Zayn - BoRdErsZ

These natives are often caught up in this interesting his and hers dynamic whether they are heterosexual or homosexual. the idea here is that they often seek their ID or their respective counterpart masculine to feminine. ironically their is a big concept on these natives needing their energy to be balanced otherwise their indecisive nature comes out full force. The sun and mars suffer from this to some extent but not as intensely as most often the source of their duality comes from Venus manifesting/diluting the sun and opposing mars. with moon and Venus what is happening is that the energy is caught in a feminine or masculine energy depending on the modality of their moon or Venus in the case of the houses and the decan their moon or Venus sits in for Libra. Libra decan is looking for the masc or female dynamic, Aquarius decan is looking for the emotional vs non - emotional dynamic, Gemini decan is searching for the characteristic opposite of their main personality type. The modality’s(Fixed: is looking for someone who is not rooted in security and is more free of spirit and changeable. Mutable: looking for someone with direction, a sense of self and known desire for what they seek to do, cardinal : someone passive, relaxed and emotionally cool. someone who isn’t as impulsive and is more levelheaded and not the type to do things on a whim.) these natives are very sweet, very gentle and kind hearted...but a lot of their nature is based on what they perceive would make them likable in your eyes. maybe it’s being a class clown, maybe it’s being the cocky arrogant posh girl, maybe it’s playing unfamiliar and innocent, maybe it’s playing up a darker more intense persona, maybe it’s the addict or the narcissist, they ultimately play up what they’ve already read from your personality. Libra are often more observant than even Virgos, So although they are the hardest people to peg a personality trait due to their many faces, you will often know they’re interested in you if they drop the Face and really act their awkward and shy selves. These natives in reality are passive and multifaceted, which makes them complex and rather hard to get to know deeply. They like what you like mainly because it causes the least resistance. Now are all 7th housers and libra moon and venus natives like this? yes its actually a trait that shows up the most when they’re truly in love. These natives can play up the independent, party girl or the sexual free spirit all they like but deep down they want someone who fits them like a glove and they will do just about anything to maintain that connection once they find it. They are careful yet also just enough as to not seem disinterested or dry. These natives are big filters but contrary to belief they are not the types to cheat unless they have harsher aspects involving Pluto, Uranus or Neptune on their Venus, doubly so if their libra moon or venus rest in the 8th, 11th, or 12th house. they adore beauty in relationships but this also includes the little things, the letters, or the times you forget to lock the door and have to drive all the way back home, and the nervousness of meeting parents. they love the long haul and tend to be long term oriented despite their outward fickle nature. The thing that i want to stress with these natives is that they will only do something if they want to do it, and the moment they feel pressured to act before they are ready without soft coaxing they’ll become unsure and shut down into a even more annoying state of indecisiveness. if you want them patience and slow building friendship helps to cool things down a bit. Sexually they are very sensual and extremely romantic, even if they don’t seem like the lot to be so. they prefer a stable sex partner as opposed to one nighters as they need to know what makes you feel good. they are romantic by nature so making you fall in love with them is always a secret goal of theres which makes the underdeveloped folks more dangerous. Sex and love are intertwined for them so the more they want to do it the more amorous their feelings are. now as im saying this please keep in mind everyone's desire for sex is different so even if the sex isn’t frequent but is still existent in a healthy range then they are all in.

“There is a madness to partnership, a sort of organized chaos between two people that starts one way and ultimately ends with their foot up your ass or the two of you doing the salsa on a gondola in Venice”

Moon Or Venus In Scorpio - Moon Or Venus In The 8th House : The Angel In Hell, The devil In Heaven.

🎶Cult Of Helix - Blood

🎶Koda & Bijou - There

🎶PVRIS - Hallucinations

🎶Hayley Williams - Sudden Desire

🎶Chromatics - Red Car

🎶Chromatics - Hands In The Dark

These Natives are tethered in a world and mental space far beyond anything that can be tamed or understood easily. They live in the pools of Pluto and the violent rugged storms of Mars pulling their energies too and fro like a flaming noose. On one hand they are penetrating, deep, cunning and so intensely consuming, another moment they are aloof, light Hearted, unassuming and detached. You’ll often read post about the famous Scorpio testing and their hot and cold antics,but, if i may tell you all a little secret. The hot and cold dynamic is due to their introspective nature. they analyze everything, a billion times over, negotiating aspects of your character with their “real” self, the one they still haven’t decided if you’re ready to see yet. The testing is a way to weed out the trouble makers before they plant rotten seeds in these natives already barren garden. By me saying this am i in no way implying scorpionic natives do not carry inner beauty, rather i am saying that due to the depth and intensity of their love they often are Hurt, broken and scar’d from having their love cast aside. These natives are their most vulnerable when they are young, Pluto takes from them very early on, introducing all of them to the idea of Loss, Love, Death, sacrifice, and the more sinful vs Love dynamic presented in their childhood. These natives see their love as something to be ashamed of in most cases and due to the way their intense love was received, in turn they learn to hide and withhold it. These natives are so loving and so endlessly sacrificing but more often than not they seek to protect themselves which at times stings those who are innocent or caught in the crossfire of the natives own unrealized trauma and pain. Projection is a big aspect to these natives as they often project their inner world on their environment and in turn attract people who karmically for better or worse will help them evolve. They can struggle with the concepts and lighthearted aspects that come with dating in its earlier stages such as the integral getting to know one another stage mainly due to the fact that these natives are hardwired to be distrusting of any applications of intimacy that serve the purpose of getting closer or opening up. To them the process can seem tense and stressful as an inner part of them feels like intimacy within itself is a ruse, for how could anyone truly connect to the perceived darkness behind the corridor that they themselves try to mask. There’s an instinctive duality to them that can seem like a constant storm, on one hand they are passionate, depth seeking and all or nothing, then at a moments notice they can be cool, aloof and disengaged at times hard to reach. This is their defense mechanism, they feel the pull of the connection and at times to restore stability and grounding they see you as the enemy, the danger to their solidity. There is a certain level of intrigue and awe that can stem from the way they express this hot and cold approach as it can genuinely leave you wondering where in the midst of that process lay their feelings for you. They can at times prologue this courting for days, weeks, months or years depending on the nature of their boundaries or trauma and even though they can crave the intensity and the soul bonding they would rather delay it even if it’s to their own detriment for the sake of ensuring the love and connection they feel towards you will be safe and will be genuine. Many with these aspects can attract wealthy partners or may benefit greatly from marriage due to the financial gain that will surely follow. The issue here is that on the negative end of the spectrum and especially with men of this position can marry or partner up soley for the material and financial gain that would follow the union. Chris Pratt is a perfect example of this unfortunately. That being said there is an endearing and painfully rewarding quality to the love these natives express and though it can at times lack the speed some may desire one must note that the loyalty and love that blooms for these natives is always so deep and true, much like a burning fire over a bed of ice.

#mine #venus #moon #Venus and moon in the houses

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allronix · 3 years ago

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Carth and Force Sensitivity (crossposted from Reddit r/kotor)

This is for @k-she-rambles:

Okay, so while we're shooting the bantha crap over on KOTOR fan theories, u/134340Goat mentioned my all time favorite "Have you been chewing spice?!" fan theory when it comes to KOTOR: Is Carth Force Sensitive?

So this one starts with a story. I mentioned my brother in law, who is pretty much Keeper of the Jedi Archives. Seriously, he's an English teacher and my sister is a librarian. They met at a sci fi convention and their first date was Phantom Menace. We're taking not just geeks, but geeks who can throw the damn bookshelf at you. Brother in law bought KOTOR on the day it launched and turned it into a week long binge watch at his house. And because brother in law is that kind of geek, he's translating the characters into the West End D6 system. I'm watching him do a playthrough, and he's got Canderous and Zaalbar at Ajunta Pal's tomb.

Allronix: Huh. That's odd. Why aren't commenting on anything when Ajunta is speaking?

Bro in law: Oh. They can't even see Ajunta. You have to be Force Sensitive to see a Force Ghost The stronger your Sensitivity, the better you can see it.

Allronix: Really? Then how come Carth can see it?

Bro in law (gets the "holy shit, I gotta confirm this" look): Really?! He just sees something out the corner of his eye or something?

Allronix: No, he sees Ajunta just fine. Understands what the dude's saying too.

Bro in law instantly rolls back to his last save, swaps Zaalbar for Carth, and sees the bit in question.

Bro in law: Oh. Dear. (Goes over to make some quick scribbles on Carth's character sheet)

Okay, so maybe that was a lore fail. I didn't really think about it too much until I hit that False Level Up glitch and ran around with Carth and Mission as Sentinels. Now, while I couldn't really see Mission as a Sensitive, that little bit with my bro in law nagged at me. And became a "once you see it you can't unsee it." Apologies to TV Tropes, where some of these were my additions to the Wild Mass Guess entry on this topic.

Any one of these on its own is pretty easy to blow off. After all, man is career military, and knows All this Shit is Weird. I also like to think of Sensitivity as a spectrum and not a switch. If all life is connected by the Force, then all life would be Sensitive to some degree or another. It’s just a matter of to what degree. It’s only as the list gets longer and longer does the case start looking damning...

What are the odds of surviving that attack on the Endar Spire, getting to the escape pods, sharing the last escape pod with the mindwiped Sith Lord, piloting through the chaos, landing in what passes for the "good" part of town, remaining uninjured, pulling the badly injured mindwiped Sith Lord from the wreck, evading Sith detection while all this is going on, and just happening to find a dump of an apartment where the landlord's not asking questions? That is one amazing string of coincidences and good luck. Get that many in Star Wars, and it's definitely The Force sticking its nose in things.

Piloting the escape pod to land in the Upper City, piloting the Hawk through the Sith Blockade of Taris, the random Sith patrols, the escape from the Leviathan, and the fleet around Lehon along with the crash landing that left the ship easily repairable. Now, compare to Atton who we know to be an excellent pilot and drawing on The Force who still manages to crash the ship at least three times.

He's a scary good judge of character if you're interacting with other NPCs. If you watch him with other NPC characters, he's got a pretty good compass as to which characters are being helpful and which ones are full of shit. The only one he calls incorrectly is Rukil, who is probably also an untrained Sensitive (the age, the "marked" comments) and half senile, which is probably throwing him.

Related to that, his distrust and wariness about something not adding up with the PC, the Jedi Council feeding the party a line of bull, that things just aren't adding up. And on all of it? Dead on. He's 100% right about the Player Character, he just expected something a little less crazy than "that's Darth freaking Revan."

If you play Female Revan, then Carth's the one who gets fried in the torture cages on the Leviathan. Saul comments how strange it is that Carth takes so much punishment and still remains conscious. Now, this is a low level thing, but in lore, Force Sensitives have drawn on it to keep them alive or conscious under duress. Explicitly, the first sign we got that Leia was a Sensitive when she withstood the Imperial torture droid.

Another of his scary ass judge of character feats? In the comics, Zayne (who is on the run from the Jedi, who framed him for the murder of his classmates) has a vision that Mandalorians are coming for Serroco. Saul? Laughs it off, throws Zayne in the brig. Zayne's own friends don't even believe him. Carth gets one of those creepy hunches and starts calling in "duck and cover" sirens as far as he can broadcast, which sends seventeen cities and millions of people heading for shelter. It saves their lives and Carth is called a hero for it. Armed with another hunch, he disobeys Saul (remember this is before Saul nukes Telos) and lets Zayne "escape" from custody. Mind you, not even the Jedi or his party members believed Zayne. Carth did.

Carth makes a lot of creepy weird offhand predictions about the future. He says he knows on some level he'll be there when Saul dies. That certainly pans out. He makes an offhand prediction that the Jedi have set the party up to take a fall. Right again. He tells a female PC that she'll have to make a choice soon, one she can't walk away from. And then we get the temple top. He even blurts out that "I sensed you would have to make a choice soon, and that was it*, I can feel it!"* If you specify a LS Female Revan, his recording for T3-M4 says he's had a hunch Revan would leave without warning. Again, spot on.

Specify a LS male Revan, and Carth will remark to Bastila that seeing the Exile reminds him "there are worse things to lose." The only other people who can see just how screwed up the Exile is are the Jedi Masters, Chodo Habat, and the Force Sensitive party members.

Specify a LS female Revan, and Carth will insist that he would know if Revan were dead (again, scary ass intuition) and that there's an "emptiness" where she used to be. Now, remember one of the things about a broken Force Bond? It would simply be "empty, a wound."

You know how your party members in KOTOR 2 feel upset or even horrified as they realize they feel compelled to protect Exile and can't being themselves to leave, even when said actions are kicking puppies? And how they swing wildly from being crazy, almost stalker level possessive of them to being scared out of their wits and clamming up when you try to pry anything out of them? And the more potent (and untapped) their Force Sensitivity, the more they get hammered with the effect? (Mira and Atton in particular) Yeah. Now, Carth's "I don't wanna talk" looks a bit different, doesn't it? It could also account for that romance arc, especially if you roll a DSF Revan and go for that "everyone dies" ending.

Again, Ajunta Pal. Seeing a Force Ghost? Yeah. Some degree of Sensitivity needed. Understanding what he's saying? Yeah. Takes a bit more than that. And Carth makes a weirdly insightful comment about the Dark Side on top of it.

Notice that this a wall o text argument already, and I'm now just getting to the "Yeah, his kid is able to throw around mid-level Dark Side powers and packing a red lightsaber." Given the jawline and the muleheaded attitude, no way Morgana was fooling around with the pizza delivery boy. That's definitely Carth's kid, and that's definitely Force Sensitivity. Now, while it can skip a generation (see Theron Shan), it tends to run pretty heavy in families.

Lastly? Gee. He comes from a planet settled by and heavily populated by descendants of Force Sensitives who failed their training. I'm also willing to bet some bastard children of Jedi get passed off as "foundlings" and "orphans" and dumped there, too. Jedi are forbidden attachments, but not sworn to celibacy, so...yeah, bastard kids are gonna happen. There's probably a Jedi or two in that family tree. It's circumstantial evidence at best, but it still supports the case.

Now, any arguments I missed? Counterarguments?

And the million credit question: If there's a character who gets to break this news to poor Flyboy, who do you think would actually take that on? How do you think Carth would take that kind of news? And what, if anything, would come of it?

I kinda figure Jolee might be the only one nuts enough to poke that with a stick...I also kinda figure "Sentinel" would fit best. Consular? Hell no. He hired Mical for that. Guardian works with the feats, but the whole "ferreting out deceit and injustice?" Yeah. That's Carth.

#KOTOR #Carth #fandom meta #Carth Onasi

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aquietwritingcorner · 3 years ago

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Sicktember Day 13: Appendicitis Word Count: 1587 Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating: G/K Characters: Olivier Mira Armstrong Warning: NA Summary: Olivier isn’t feeling so well. She really should have gone to Doc sooner. Notes: I did minimal research. Hopefully nothing is too egregiously wrong! AO3 || ff.net

__________________________________

Appendicitis

“General.”

“Hm?” Olivier looked up from the report that she, Miles, and Buccaneer had been going over.

“That’s the sixth time you’ve pressed that spot. Are you alright?”

Miles was looking at her with, what she could read on his usually controlled face, concern. Olivier’s eyes traveled to Buccaneer. He looked mildly concerned as well.

“It’s nothing,” she said dismissively. “I must have pulled something while training.”

Truth be told, she hadn’t realized that she had been pressing at the place again. It had started hurting a couple of days ago, a dull sort of ache that started around her navel. Recently, it had traveled to her side. She hadn’t thought too much of it. Honestly, she had expected the pain to travel to her back, and, eventually, to spread there as her period started. Those were usually painful and difficult, so she had assumed that this was a side effect of that.

The pain had been getting sharper, though.

“Begging the general’s pardon,” Buccaneer said, “but you didn’t show any signs of pulling anything during your training.”

“What, were you watching me?” she growled out. “As if you didn’t have anything better to do!”

Buccaneer grinned at her, that cheeky grin of his. “You know well, sir, that watching you train is a treat.”

She snorted, a harsh snort that started from her belly, and immediately regretted it. It made the pain flare more, and her hand automatically went to it again.

Miles set his report down. “You’ve not been eating either,” he said, with a pointed look at the food that was sitting to the side on her desk. “And you seem to be cold, if the temperature you’re keeping it in here means anything.”

Olivier scowled. “You’re not paid to keep track of my eating habits, Miles. Or monitor the temperature I keep my office.”

“He kind of is, sir,” Buccaneer said. “But he brings up a good point. Are you feeling alright?”

Olivier’s temper flared, and she shot to her feet, suppressing the desire to press on the place again. Standing up like that caused a sharp, stabbing pain to center right on the place, but she refused to show it, letting the pain fuel her irritations and anger instead.

“I’m fine!” she snapped out and turned to head towards the small potbelly stove that was warming the room in the corner. It was warming a teapot, and it was her intention to go over there and pour herself a cup of tea. It would help the nausea she had been experiencing, not that she was going to tell them that.

However, she had barely taken more than three steps before an excruciating pain ripped through her abdomen. She staggered, hands flying to her side, and felt herself dropping to one knee.

“General!” “General!”

Both Miles and Buccaneer called out to her, and she could hear their footsteps rushing over to her. One of them reached her, hands on her shoulders to help guide her the rest of the way down, and she grit her teeth against the pain, grunts and gasps of it still escaping her. It hurt to move. It hurt to be moved. It hurt to breathe, the pain blocking out her awareness of almost everything else, and what was happening around her was quickly becoming nothing more than a blur.

Buccaneer had made it to General Armstrong first, catching her as she went down, his hands holding her and helping to lower her to the ground. She didn’t seem aware of it to either of the men, but instead let out gasps of pain, and curled around her side—around the place she had been pressing on earlier.

Miles, who had also rushed to her side, bolted up and grabbed the phone on her desk. “This is Miles! Get a team from Sickbay up to the General’s office immediately!”

He barely waited for the acknowledgement before he was slamming the phone down and heading back to her side. He didn’t have to ask anything before Buccaneer was speaking.

He had brushed her hair back, his fingers on her pulse point. “Her pulse is fast and she’s hot,” he said. “She’s in pain.” He looked over at Miles. “What happened?”

Miles shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Next time, we make her see Doc immediately,” Buccaneer growled out.

They both clung to the hope that there would be a next time.

It was only minutes later that footsteps rang in the hallway, voices shouting ahead for people to clear the way. Within minutes Doc was bursting into the room, her medical team on her heels. She wasted no time, heading straight for the general, kneeling at her side.

“What have we got?” she asked brusquely.

“Not sure,” Miles said. “She hadn’t been complaining of anything, but she acted like she was hurting here, on her right side,” he mimed where it had been. “She got up, took about three steps, and then went down.”

“She fell slowly, like she was sinking to her knees,” Buccaneer said. “I caught her, helped her down, but she’s been in pain the whole time.”

Doc had her stethoscope out and was taking Olivier’s pulse when she realized what Miles and Buccaneer had said. Abandoning that, she reached out for Olivier’s right side, looking for the specific area and finding it even though she hadn’t been told where to look. She pressed down, and Olivier let out a strangled sort of cry. Doc cursed.

“Load her up,” she ordered. “Call ahead and have them prep the OR.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Miles asked, as he and Buccaneer moved back out of the way of the medical team.

“With what you’ve described I’m going to guess appendicitis—and there’s a likely chance it’s ruptured.” She shook her head. “I’ll let you know more after the surgery. Appendicitis or not, something is going on in there.”

“Right.”

The two men moved out of the way, letting Doc and her team work, Olivier letting out sounds of pain anytime she was jostled the least little bit. They had her on the litter and whisked away within moments, Doc leading the way.

And then it was just a waiting game.

News spread quickly throughout the fort, and soon all of the men knew. A blanket of concern fell over the fort, something the senior staff of Briggs felt keenly. No one went in to see how Doc was doing. They all knew that she was doing her best, and to interrupt her would be dangerous. But that didn’t stop people from hovering outside the door a bit.

Finally, hours later, she sent for Buccaneer and Miles. Doc looked tired when they arrived, but she gave them a smile.

“She’ll be fine,” she said, and both men relaxed a bit.

“What happened?” Miles asked.

Doc sat in her chair, reaching for the teapot and a cup. “It was like I thought. Appendicitis. And it had ruptured.”

“How bad was it?” Buccaneer asked.

Doc shook her head. “Not the worst I’ve seen, but definitely serious. I removed her appendix, and then I had to clean up her bowels. I had to cut her open a little more than I wanted to, but it was better than getting in infection.”

“Is that still a possibility?” Miles asked.

Doc nodded as she poured herself some tea. “It is. I’m going to keep her here for at least a week. She’ll give me the usual ‘Armstrongs are fast healers’ bull, I’m sure, but I don’t want her pushing herself too much and I want to watch for infection. You two can keep her busy with paperwork, but nothing strenuous, understand?”

“Yeah, we gotcha, Doc,” Buccaneer said.

Doc waved her hand in the direction of the recovery bays. “You can see her when you want to. I don’t expect her to be awake for a few hours, at least.”

The men both nodded and then, with a look, they headed back to check on her.

They were both there a few hours later when Olivier began to stir.

“Mm… what happened?” she asked groggily.

“You’re in sickbay, General,” Miles said. “You collapsed in your office. Your appendix burst. Doc had to do surgery. You’re going to be alright.”

For a moment, Olivier said nothing. And then she sighed. “Well, this is going to slow down our plans by a couple of days.”

Buccaneer snorted. “Doc said that you’re going to be laid up here for a week.”

“A week?” Olivier snarled. She started to try to sit up, but quickly aborted the motion. “Armstrongs are fast healers. I’ll—”

Buccaneer grinned at her. “Doc said that you’d say that.”

“She was firm on what she said,” Miles said. “And I can’t say I disagree.”

Olivier glared at him.

“However,” he continued, “I’m sure that as long as you’re resting, Doc won’t object to some paperwork.”

Olivier let out a light snort. “…We’ll see,” she said.

“In the meantime, rest, General. We’ll keep watch on the Fort.”

Olivier narrowed her eyes. “You had better.”

Buccaneer grinned at her. “You know we will, sir.”

Olivier just hurmphed and rested back into the bed.

“Catch me up. What’s happened while I was out.”

Miles and Buccaneer began filling her in on the little that had happened while she had been unconscious, and Doc, listening in, let them be. Olivier’s men knew her well, and they would keep her in bed while she healed.

Looking out for each other was the Briggs way, after all.

#sicktember2021 #Olivier Mira Armstrong #Major Miles #captain buccaneer #fma #Fullmetal Alchemist #fma fanfic #fullmetal alchemist fan fiction

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intotherumiverse · 4 years ago

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Chapter 2

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: I’m still on my fae bull shit so yee have fun with this ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: blood, violence, pov changes ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ: @lilsparkyswife, a brief mention of @katsumiiii ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1.9k

Yvonne’s Pov

The Summer Court was known for a lot of things. Yes, we did the dirty work for people who didn’t want to be seen doing it. We lied for liars, stole for stealers, and cheated cheaters. But we were big on loyalty. I mean if we couldn’t trust one of our own, who could we trust? But driving back home, knowing what we had to tell Bakugou….

Maybe it was better if we lied.

We found him training. Sweat dripped down his face as more and more holograms blur around him. His muscles tighten in frustration as the holograms look like they are about to win. Power training was something I always hated. We were already fast and strong, why work yourself to the bone to gain some other ability. But some people did it, Like (Y/n), but others have tried every day to improve themselves to no avail. All of us has given up at some point, Bakugou was just a matter of time.

The hologram knocked his sword out o his hand, and he glances at it as if something miraculous was going to happen. When he realizes nothing is happening, he lets out a grunt of anger.

“He’s rarely happy anymore,” I think to myself. “ Well, it wasn’t unusual, well for Bakugou at least, but his obsession was going a bit too far”

“Good luck with him,” Mina says while Mira walks away.

“If you live we’ll see you in the meeting room. You know where, so don’t die.”

“Gee, Such wonderful friends,” I say back.

. Turning back towards the entrance of the training room, I walk, cleared my throat, and spoke up

“Bakugou?”

All I get is another grunt as a reply, knowing he was somewhat listening. He continued his workout, concentrating on summoning a weapon in his hand.

“Bakubitch!”

He gives me a glare. Well, that got his attention.

“Whatdoyouwant?”

I hated when he was like this, not wanting to listen to anyone else even his friends. Steeling myself, I spit out the ugly truth to him

“(Y/n)gotkidnappedanditwasn’tourfault.”

“What? You said that too fast for me to even hear.”

“(Y/n) got kidnapped-”

“HUH?? HOW’D YOU IDIOTS LET THAT-”

“Will you shut up and let me explain?”

Rolling my eyes I wanted until Bakugou was calm, well calm enough, to begin.

“We had a mission. One assigned to us by the King. Someone from Spring Court wanted someone from Autumn off their back and they had enough money to pay for it. Shit went sideways and long story short, (Y/n) got taken… by Izuku Midoriya.”

I barely had time to doge before the knife was embedded into the target behind me. Such primal behavior, attacking me without warning.

“So you’re telling me… Izuku Midoriya took (Y/n) and you and the rest of the team, just fucking stood there?”

Another knife dodged. He’s making it harder and harder for me not to hit him

“Will you stop using me as target practice long enough so we can get her back?”

“It’s the Autumn Court. Who knows where they took her? She could be halfway to the gates of hell and back before we figure it out.”

Walking over to the target and prying the daggers off of it, I threw them back in rapid succession. He dodged the first one, but the second one scratched his face, leaving a thin line of blood in its wake.

“Next time you throw a knife at me make sure it hit its intended mark”

And with that, I leave the training room.

(Y/n)‘s POV

Being interrogated by the Autumn Court was… It’s an experience, let's just say. They had a lot of ways of making you talk, and once you open your mouth there is no stopping them.

Due to their power, vocals are the thing that they focus heavily on. It’s easy to fall into their trap but easy to evade it if you know what you’re doing. Just don’t say anything. I’ve been doing that for three hours now.

Granted it was hard. They tried everything short of laying hands on me. Ripping my dress, threatening my family and friends, you know the usual. But they couldn’t get me to talk. Then they called the motherfucking prince, who also happens to be the person I wanted dead.

“Just answer the question, doll, and you can go home.” Stupid motherfucker, staring down at me with that condescending smile I think. The haze of his power swirling around me, deep and smoky. Izuku was powerful, yes. But against me, he was nothing.

Smiling at him, I think to myself ‘You’ll get me to talk when I’m dead and gone’

Tracing his hand on my jawline slowly, like I was glass, brittle and ready to break. He stares deep into my eyes and for a moment, a hint of a second, I see the pain in his eyes. Something indescribable, intangible, but somehow there. And the moment is over. Harshly grabbing my chin, the pain is covered with feral, oddly flat green eyes.

“Tell me. Or else we’ll have to resort to… uglier methods of gaining information from you. And trust me, darling, you won’t like those methods.”

I took the saliva from my own mouth, aimed carefully, and spit on him. It landed directly on his eye.

“You fucking cunt!” He recoils in disgust, wiping his eye fervently. I smile in pride, knowing I got under his skin.

He backs up away from the cell I was in, taking one more look at my triumphant face, before saying to the guards, “Make sure she doesn’t escape.”

I heard his angry footsteps echo, and finally, the silence came.

The guards snicker at the recent events, before one of them saying,

“You’re going to regret that, you know? No one messes with Prince Midoriya and lives to tell the tale.”

“Guess I’ll be the first,” I replied back.

And then I broke the chains.

Izuku’s Pov

Fuck I missed her. She was the part of me that I never knew I needed. She was my blood, my bones, framing me into what I am now. And seeing her now, it made my bones ache, my blood sing. An agonizing, beautiful song. Placing my head into my hands, I bite the insole of my palms.

‘Where did it all go wrong?�� I thought to myself.

Sorting myself out, I walk through the quiet corridors of the Autumnal Palace. The sun shining through the high glass windows, mocking me with its beauty. It seems fit, having such a wonderful day go on outside as I suffer internally. With hastened pace, I make my way towards my personal team.

Stopping in front of the common room, I fix myself, running my hairs through my hair before walking in.

“Oh hey man,” Sero was the first one who saw me, giving a toothy smile “How’d the interrogation go…” he trails off, seeing the scowl on my face.

“So not well” One of Shoji’s many arms pops up and says.

Choosing my words carefully I say “It didn’t go as expected. (Y/n)’s a difficult one.”

Difficult wasn’t even the basis to cover it. She was infuriating, complex, and every time I see her it spurs my heart on erratically. But how could I say that in words?

My team was a good one, personally trained by myself, but sometimes they were a little too bit much.

Ochako pipes up from where she was sitting “Izu, don’t worry. We finally caught (Y/n)! After two and half years no less. All your hard work won’t be for nothing.”

“Yeah, man! This is cause for celebration! We finally caught (Y/n), Summer Court’s deadliest assassin. It’s time to kick back and celebrate-” At that moment, Ojirio storms in, face in pain as blood soaks his normally white clothes. The look on his face said that something was clearly wrong.

“(Y/n) escaped)”

Cocking my eyebrow I stare at Sero.

“Celebration huh?”

(Y/n)’s Pov

I hated being chased. Everyone talks about the exhilarating feeling of almost not making it but does anyway, but all I feel is annoyed. Turning another corner I hear in the distance. Luckily the guards tattered the ends of my dress, so it was easier to run in it

“Don’t let her escape! We need her alive!”

‘Autumn Court’ I thought to myself ‘One person escapes and they go bat shit crazy. Well, it is me.”

I look around looking for a place to hide out until the guards’ pass. Then looking up I spot...

“A vent. Perfect.” I whisper to myself. Working quickly, I made my way into the ventilation system. I keep myself there, holding my breath until I hear footsteps. It was two of the workers there.

“It’s such a shame,” one says to another. “King Toshinori has never done anything helpful since the Prince had been announced.” The other one shakes their head shamefully.

“I know right? Even since Izuku became prince, he’s nowhere to be seen or heard. It’s like he just placed all the burden on Prince Izuku and moved on with his life.”

Oh? Izuku’s being packed with the burden. I guess Von will find that information useful. Waiting until I couldn’t hear the voices of anyone, I get down from the vents.

“Easy as pie.” I smile at my genius.

“Spread out and find her! She couldn’t have gone far!” I see one the second in command, Ochako Uraraka yells. My smile turns into a grimace at her figure. I’ve never liked her but after the incident three years ago…

I didn’t let myself think of it, rather waited until I couldn’t hear footsteps anymore before dropping out of the vent.

Corridor after corridor, I run the palace. The orange-gold of the palace becoming a blur as I see the doors towards my freedom.

“THERE SHE IS. AFTER HER!” Fuck they found me. I was almost there, just a little more… Then I feel a large object knock into my back.

Giving a little as I went down, I turn quickly. Seeing the familiar hair of…

“(Y/n) don’t do this,” His soft voice rings out, power laced in it even now. “Just come back and we can get you home safely” Gritting my teeth at Izuku, I clench my fist and throw a punch. All the while my other hand summons a small dagger before dipping it in some poison and stabbing Izuku in the thigh.

How dare he. How dare he pretend that he cares, after all, he did to me, to my Court.

“Fuck!” Izuku screams.

Pulling him up by his collar I spit it out.

“Rot in hell.”

In the back, the rest of his team runs, seeing their leader hurt.

Not sticking around, I take off running, getting the doors of the front of the castle.

The night was dark as I fumbled slightly down the stairs of the castle.

‘Shit, shit, shit. I need a place to hide’ I think.

Running towards the car area of the courtyard, I see a black party bus sitting fairly near the gates. Sneaking into the back doors, I sit in the darkness.

“She couldn’t have gone far, split up and search.” I hear the voices agree before splitting off in different directions.

“Well, Well, WELL.” I’m suddenly knocked off my feet, and without another chance to regain my balance, my chin is grabbed. Sharp nails meet my flesh, threatening to make me bleed.

“What should we do with her Dabi?” a feminine voice reaches my ears.

“Drug ‘er. We’ll deal with her when the others come back. Shiggy will know what to do with ‘er”

“Sure.” Something stabbed into my neck and everything goes dark.

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pellelavellan-a · 3 years ago

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Pelle + Post Trespasser Notes

When Pelle resigned from his position he did not actually disband the Inquisition because he still believed there was a need for it, but it needed to continue without him. What it needed was someone whose authority the nobility would respect ad it had become clear that he was not that person. In ways he understood how the situation had gone as far as it did even if he disagreed. A lot of the disapproval he had gained over the years actually stemmed back to the crucial missteps he made in the beginning like nearly inciting another elven rebellion with his stunt at the Winter Palace and his reckless language regarding the elves' position in the world. Does he still believe every word of it? ...Most of it but while he wouldn't take a single thing back he is aware of the controversial reputation it earned him. Moreover, while he had improved a great deal as Inquisitor, he still did not tolerate any maltreatment of himself, mages, or other elves for what they were and while he chose his words much better never backed down on the stances he stood upon when he was a much younger Inquisitor. When he resigned he appointed his disciple, Kane Trevelyan, to take over as Inquisitor. He did remain in Skyhold for some time after his resignation. The first reason was the huge risk it posed him to leave immediately. Cullen and The Iron Bull had warned him of the huge target that would be placed on his head once he was wandering without security and soldiers to stop an assailant from trying to assassinate him. He was well aware of the danger of course, and per Dorian's request he remained in Skyhold for a little while for his own safety. In the meantime, he took the time to decide what identity he wanted to take on once he was no longer Inquisitor Lavellan, as well as sought out Cullen, Bull, and Leliana to identify things about himself that would cause him to stand out in a crowd or give away the fact that he was a mage which to him was just as dangerous as being recognized by any other means. While it wasn't ideal, Cullen recommended he learn to desensitize himself from mana drain as it was often a telltale sign that someone was a mage. He recruited a trusted Templar, Captain Rylen to conduct some exposure therapy on him daily to help him get used to having his mana drained and with time no longer have a visceral reaction to it. He decided to remain amongst other elves in alienages once he was gone, easier to blend in that way. He would go by Sibs instead of Pelle. Both were technically his name, Sibs was just his nickname back home by many of the hunters. The endearing nickname originated from his surname before he was adopted by Keeper Lavellan. Sibil was his last name by birth, and he did identify with that when he was young but as he grew older his connection to Keeper Deshanna as her son encouraged him to embrace her name after her passing. Many within the Inquisition did not know his surname was not always Lavellan save for a select few so it felt a safe enough name to go by to avoid attention and so he committed to it.

Post Corypheus changes:

After Corypheus, Pelle became far better at his job when granted the time to learn it. He took up Leliana on her offer to teach him bard skills on the side, she also taught him a great deal about hiding his facial expressions as they often got him in just as much trouble as his mouth used to. He became better informed on politics from a lot of reading (and Josephine). Became a polyglot from picking up Orlesian, Tevene, and Antivan speaking a total of five languages when Common and Elven are added into the collection. He did not all three in this three year period, he picked up more Elven from Solas before Corypheus was defeated and the Tevene from Dorian here and there both before and after, and studied to fill in the gaps. Professionally it was simply useful to learn Orlesian and Antivan so he put in the effort to do so. Overall he matured a great deal, became more discreet, professional, informed, and able to communicate. His necromancy also improved dramatically.

Extra Post Trespasser:

Pelle was correct in believing that the nobility would respect Kane more than him but soon found it was for all the wrong reasons. Afraid of the nobility and what they were capable of he denounced Pelle entirely as a teacher and claimed to disagree with any views of values that Pelle had thoroughly enforced. The nobility liked him because unlike Pelle he was easy to manipulate and in time it was his sister, Mira, who was running the Inquisition in the background, pulling strings and putting ideas in his mind that benefited her and the empire. Cullen and Josephine resigned after Kane took over as they could not agree with his leadership. They were replaced by Mira and a chevalier. Seeing as the Inquisition had quite literally gone to shit, Pelle was still eager to help with things so long as his name stayed out of it and he had no further affiliation with the Inquisition, He became a bard, working for Leliana as a spy and venturing places she could not as Divine. He functioned somewhat like a Left Hand though never claimed that position as it would draw too much attention to him. He currently lives in an alienage built over the remains of the one that was burnt down years ago by Empress Celene. While he keeps to himself most of the time he is a Friend solely to help his people in a way that does not place him in the spotlight. It was slow going finding a shred of stability. For a long time he was wandering from alienage to alienage dodging templars and anyone who might have the slightest suspicion of who he was. As he'd expected there were a number of people who had gone through the trouble to track him down to harm him and so staying anywhere too long was far too dangerous. He found himself in a number of close calls, spontaneous squabbles, and made scenes places he really shouldn't have including restraining and nearly strangling assassins with the Vhenadahl in the Kirkwall alienage. It was almost two years before he was able to blend in enough with the rest of the elves wandering about in Orlais to go unnoticed in the common rabble. It still took a great deal of effort but finally after such a long time of running and cheating death he learned along the way how to cover his tracks and draw as little attention to himself as possible. Eventually, the attacks slowed as he became harder to track down. Working as a bard for Leliana was risky, but he couldn't justify sitting back and watching idly while all the hard work he and his advisers put into putting things back together was all being unraveled by his cowardice disciple. By the time he's thirty he's learned more than enough for her and from trial by fire to look after himself and avoid unnecessary danger. The downfall is having to occasionally appear in society again because despite his efforts it is impossible to become entirely invisible after the influence he had over Thedas for so long. If he catches any hint that someone knows who he is and intends harm he has had to become comfortable quietly killing them. It hasn't happened too often but he would be lying if he said he hasn't murdered people for discovering him out of self defense. Though it isn't entirely positive, he does consider the skill of discreet murder to have been a huge blessing the sole time he discovered someone who after Dorian during an assignment that brought him to Tevinter.

#about pelle #thank you esau for the exposure therapy idea : O

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aros001 · 3 years ago

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Read through light novel vol. 15. Random thoughts.

Well, I just found one of my favorite volumes of this series. For all the right and wrong reasons.

There is a certain trope or term I've heard of for comedy. Where a joke or skit can be really funny but can also go a little too far with the performance to where it can be a little annoying. But there are also plenty of times where the joke/skit takes it even FURTHER than that and it circles back around to being funny again. Naofumi with Raph-chan is a little like that. His love for the little furball was cute and funny at first, then it became a little odd and maybe a little cringey, and now it's gone to such an extreme that it's circled back to funny again, with the Shield hero now commanding a legion of Raph-chans. Also, Naofumi and Ruft bonding over Raph-chan is genuinely really sweet. Between that, how much he clings to Naofumi (or Raph-chan) when he's scared, and just the liking he's taken to the kid, I think Naofumi has definitely found his son figure. Honestly their relationship feels a little more parent and child than even Naofumi and child Raphtalia's was and it took me a bit before I figured out why that was, at least for me.

Naofumi was very parental to Raphtalia and does still somewhat think of her as his daughter. However, when they first met it was also a situation where Raphtalia had to grow up very quickly, and not just physically through leveling. She was bought as a slave and didn't want to go back to the trader. She wanted to fight back against the things that took her family and village from her. She wanted to be Naofumi's sword. She was the sole reason he could gain any significant experience and level up into the Shield Hero he needed to be. The romantic feelings she gained for him were almost certainly a factor but overall, for her sake and his, staying a child, staying as someone's daughter, was not an option. What Naofumi needed wasn't a daughter but a partner. Someone he could lean on and trust.

With Ruft, there is no need for him to grow up quite yet. Yes, Naofumi took him to the village so he could get some experience with the real world and he does plan on toughening him up, but Naofumi is not dependent on Ruft like he was Raphtalia. There's no pressure for Ruft to grow up because Naofumi and everyone else will be fine regardless, so he has more freedom to be a kid. And unlike Filo and the village kids, he doesn't have the added complication of also being Naofumi's slave. Naofumi can treat him and care for him like a kid.

Side note, but is it weird that, even though I know he's related to Raphtalia, before I finally was given an image of him I kept on imagining Ruft looking like Gohan from the very beginning of Dragon Ball Z? Chinese Emperor clothes and all. It feels a little unintentionally racist of me given that Q'ten Lo is meant to resemble isolationist period Japan.

“The Bow Hero mentioned that he has a skill which allows him to scout out the surrounding area from a higher vantage point,” Raphtalia recalled. Itsuki said that? I mean, he was the Bow Hero. It wouldn’t be strange for him to have a skill that allowed him to search for distant targets. That sounded like quite a convenient skill too.

I'm glad about this little detail. I was just saying in the last volume that it felt like the other three heroes didn't seem to have any abilities that weren't directly attack-based. And then later with the hero conference we get even more added to their arsenals beyond just "attack, big attack, and bigger attack" like they'd been showing up until now. Before it felt like the other three could be a bit interchangeable in battle with Naofumi, as it's three attackers and one defender, with range being the only difference. But now, between the four of them, it's a good mix of attack, defense, support, healing, and debuffs. The Four Holy Heroes actually work as a party together.

“R-Raphtalia. Brother. I just want to go and see Master Naofumi! Move aside,” Atla stated.

“No,” Raphtalia replied.

“Never,” replied her brother.

“Raph!” barked a horde of Raphs.

I can hear the freaking echo! I'm dying!

“To be more accurate, they are filolials who act like mountain bandits, attacking wagons carrying off goods and stuff like that,” Melty continued.

...

“Hold on a moment. What the hell is going on then? And—” I finished my thought in my head. If this was the issue that Fitoria wanted help with, then . . . “You’re telling me filolials fight over wagons?”

“Yes. That’s what I’ve been told,” Melty confirmed. Uwah! So she wanted me to resolve some kind of turf war? If these were wild filolials, they weren’t going to go down without a fight.

“The loser has to give their wagon to the winner,” Melty explained. “Also, if it’s the season of love, they can only find love by defeating their opponent.” What were they, hermit crabs?

This is going exactly where I think it's going, isn't it?

[Two chapters later]

“It’s been a while, father-in-law. It’s me, I say, Motoyasu the street racer!”

F******************************************K!

I get Motoyasu is under the effect of his curse series but...it's just so hard to like this guy. It was even before Witch betrayed him and his curse activated. Especially when he uses his Temptation ability to "show Filo his love", basically trying to force her into loving him. Thank goodness it didn't work and that Raph-chan can clear away the effects it did have. Naofumi could stand to be more considerate of Raphtalia when it comes to the Raphs but Motoyasu has been straight up harassing Filo. He tried to keep her trapped in her "angel" form when rescuing her from Naofumi's "brainwashing" and probably was going to keep her that way forever if Witch didn't have her "accidentally" killed along with Melty when removing the brainwashing. I'm pretty sure she was the main person he wanted to peep on in the baths at Cal Mira. He stole her favorite wagon and transformed it into...that. And then there's the shape of...

No...

No!

I'd heard a rumor but...

NO!

I thought it was a web novel thing!

WHY DOES MOTOYASU HAVE A DILDO SPEAR?!?!

Or...god, what if it's not a dildo?!

“I’m taking your daughter. Using my Lust Envy Spear IV,” Motoyasu exclaimed. God. This was all depressing me intently.

“Filo-tan! I will stop you and take your purity!” Motoyasu thrust his spear at Filo.

“Boo!” She wasn’t interested. Then I noticed what he was pointing at. Below the waist, shall we say.

....................Kill him. Kill him. F**king kill him. I don't care about the consequences to the world. Kill him. Kill him now. Have Aura and Mare come over from Overlord and Iris come over from Konosuba. They'll all team up with Filo so that the lolis he loves so much can snap his f**king neck.

I get he's under the effects of a curse (two curses even; lust and envy) but he's almost everything he and Witch accused Naofumi of being. He's brainwashing people and an attempted rapist. All he's missing is abusing his slaves and kidnapping Melty.

...F**k. Okay, back to reality.

So Quirks exist in Itsuki's universe? Last volume I made a comparison between Motoyasu #2 and Bakugo from My Hero Academia because they fit similar tropes for me, but in terms of actual backstory and character, Itsuki is definitely the better comparison. Thought he was special in elementary school because of his powers but got slapped with a bit of reality upon entering the special school for powers. For both of them, this fed into an inferiority complex. It does also add more to Itsuki's hero complex. Bakugo's Quirk and natural talents had him overpraised from youth, leading him to fear the failure of living up to expectations of him. For Itsuki, it goes a little the other way, where his expectations for himself were high, got shattered because the powers above his level were much greater and thus nothing was expected to become of him in comparison, and so he fell into console games where he could be important and the main character for once.

None of this forgives how he treated Rishia but I'd still rather have this understanding and explanation of his character than not. He and Trash have a slightly similar problem for me, and it's not the story's fault. Itsuki's curse has left him pretty fried and emotionless, though it's slowly coming back to him. He hasn't really had a chance to redeem himself. He's working to better himself, yes, but he's also in a state where he'll do everything he's told. He had a nice, split-second apology to Rishia he managed to get out but that's about it. Similarly with Trash, he and Itsuki have sympathetic backstories but he is so lost in his hatred the Shield Hero, Siltvelt, and a few other things that he has not taken responsibility or shown remorse for any of the things that had happened because of him, including his youngest daughter nearly being killed multiple times. Before he was half-crazy and now after meeting Alta and Fohl he just seems withered away and beaten. Trash and Itsuki's situations are sympathetic but they've yet to do anything that puts me on their side beyond basic human empathy and pity.

Compare that to Ren, whom I'm glad I quite like now. He never did anything as bad as Trash or Itsuki, nor does he have as tragic a backstory as either (that's been told to us yet anyway), but he still felt remorse for the bad things he did do and has actively worked to try and make up for them or make certain they don't happen again, because he knows he screwed up. I'm not just supposed to pity him. Like with Naofumi, I'm supposed to see him rise and he does, at several points in this volume being very helpful to very heroic. And I like how he and Naofumi contrast with each other without completely butting heads like stubborn bulls, like over the bandits for justice. They're both heroes but Ren is working hard to be a real hero to make up for the lack of one he was before, while Naofumi outright sees himself as a bad person, that all his good deeds are for selfish motivations and that he's not deserving of being hailed as a hero to begin with.

Well, I think that was all I was going to talk about. Yes sir.

...

.......

.................

.....................

..............................Alta on the cover. Alta on the inner art and quote page. Most of this book being about Fohl's fear over Alta's safety. There were so many red flags you'd think the Phoenix's explosion broke the fourth wall and set fire to the pages themselves.

Yeah, this death was better than Ost's. Ost's death still worked despite her short time with Naofumi's party because there was still emotion during that time and she still is often referenced, remembered, and mourned for even in volumes well after her death, so it feels less cheap and manipulative and more like it actually meant something. With Alta though, it's not just better just because we knew her longer (though that's certainly a factor) but because of the effect on the main characters, especially Naofumi. The raw pain, the denial, the begging, the self-blame, the sheer seething anger, the emptiness. Even the way it's written when she first jumps in the way and after the attack finally ends, it feels like the aftermath of a grenade. Everything is blurred and shaky, everything is silenced except for the ringing in his ears and its not entirely clear what's going on, only that something bad just happened. Naofumi runs through every emotion you'd want from someone like him and it has an even more personal meaning than that. Alta sacrificing herself for him gave Naofumi a bit of a hard slap in the face as to what everyone he cares about would feel if he sacrificed himself for them, which he's tried doing a few time already. It was a very good send-off for Alta.

This was also both the best and worst time for Naofumi to finally be told outright that Raphtalia loves him. Looking forward to either loving or being very frustrated with where this goes. Though regardless, that final art of them just hugging and crying it out is going to hold a special place in my heart.

Trash was apparently the Seven Star Staff Hero. I’d never seen him holding the staff and honestly wondered if the original king was dead and this was just a doppelganger.

Just where was he hiding the Seven Star Staff?

After the dildo spear, please don't ask me to imagine where Trash hides his staff.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/shieldbro/comments/fndipx/read_through_light_novel_vol_15_random_thoughts/

#rising of the shield hero #random thoughts #reddit repost

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natsubeatsrock · 4 years ago

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The Rewrite of Fairy Tail: Part 30 (Fairy Tail)

What is the purpose of the Fairy Tail guild?

This is another post that looks different from my very first draft. This was originally a collection of changes I would make regarding specific characters in the guild. However, I realized that would be useless. A lot of it would be more about how little I'd change characters. I've talked about nearly every character in the guild I would want to change already. Some of the posts I've made involving Fairy Tail characters focusing on defending them from fans.

This was going to be a much smaller focus than I originally intended. I've expanded it because I feel that this is the more interesting and important aspect of this post. It will be helpful to have this post as we talk about other minor characters in the guild. It's also worth recognizing what the guild means to bigger characters. However, I have to talk about this from a more apologetic reason for this focus that we'll get to.

A few times in this series, I've referred to the Strongest Team (or Team Natsu) as "a team of five protagonists". I've meant that each member has an arc reminiscent of a different type of protagonist in a story. The story focuses, to varying degrees, on their progress through the different arcs. For example, Phantom Lord plays with Lucy's connection to the guild and touches on Erza's view of her strength and Natsu's search for Igneel. Of course, the focus of the series, most of the time, is on Lucy and Natsu serving as the sort of Watson and Holms for their series, respectively.

However, the series isn't about any of their individual goals. It's not about Lucy's acclamation to the guild, Natsu's search for Igneel, Erza's shift in perception of strength, Gray's acceptance of self, or Wendy's growth as a mage. It's not even about stuff like defeating the Balam Alliance guilds, stopping Zeref's followers and demons, or saving the world from either Zeref or Acnologia. As important as those things are to the series, they aren't what the series itself is about.

Though, this isn't anything new. I've already said that the focus of the series is the guild. That was in part 1 of this series. While it's been 2 years since then, that much is still the case, and I haven't lost sight of that. I compared this to Durarara!!, but Fairy Tail is different because it actually has a group its story focuses on within the guild, as opposed to the multiple groups in Ikebukuro.

Here's where I have to make a clarification of a point made by Mashima. He said that it's up to the reader to decide who the main characters are. I don't interpret that to mean that Mashima didn't write the series with any main characters in mind. Among the female characters, the focus is definitely on Lucy. That grows to include Erza and Wendy as the series continues. While we'll follow Mira or Cana every now and then, the series isn't focusing on them as the focus for the series. I feel a generous interpretation of this is that fans are free to focus on characters outside of the main cast.

But, now we're back to the main question: What is the purpose of the guild?

A few different YouTuber personalities have tried to get at an answer to this question.

Nux Taku made the case that Fairy Tail as a guild is the main character of the series. I think this is close to the right answer. The threats of the series are usually first and foremost threats to the guild first and others second. Even in a case like Tartarus, where they are trying to affect the world, Fairy Tail only gets involved when their own interests or members are at risk or have been hurt. As far as I know, the only exception is Oracion Seis. Fairy Tail works with other guilds to take them out. And even then, they get hit by the Oracion Seis first.

The issue I have with this view is that the series focus is clearly on Team Natsu. The series starts as Natsu and Lucy meet and ends in chapter 545 on the team's plans to take on the Century Quest. I can't say that the focus on them doesn't exist. However, this is a great look at what the guild means, in a positive light.

Naturally, there are more negative views of the guild's function. Craftsdwarf said that the idea that the guild is as big as it is was a mistake and detriment to the series. Mashima couldn't follow through with establishing the wishes and goals of all the characters in the guild. To be fair, no series is ever going to flesh out the desires of every single character. However, Fairy Tail is unique because it focuses on a large group of characters it portrays as a tight-knit group. This makes the fact that Mashima didn't do this worse.

Despite other sketchy statements (Lucy's treatment in the guild is apparently comparable to her treatment from Jude), there is an interesting question brought up. Why would Lucy want to join the guild? I could point to OVA 3 as an explanation for Lucy wanting to join Fairy Tail.

However, I feel that there is a more interesting question to ask. Why would Lucy want to stay in Fairy Tail? To its critics, Fairy Tail is a hilariously rambunctious guild with a notoriously terrible reputation. What's so great about this guild? Why would anyone want to be a part of this guild?

I think Craftsdwarf has it wrong. (Shocking, I know.) I think we can identify as members of the guild because of its size. When I think of a group like the Black Bulls in Black Clover (a group another YouTuber contrasted to Fairy Tail), I think that they're cool as a group, but I don't know that I'd like to think of myself as someone who could be a potential member. Fairy Tail has a low bar for entry, doesn't care for its rambunctious members, and is still an elite guild, willing to go to war for its new members? Why wouldn't I want to join them? I could be a low-ranking member, fly under the council's radar, and get the same type of camaraderie that S-Class mages get.

"But what about the fact that only ten percent of the population can use magic?" (I ask this as if I didn’t already address this in talking about magic on the continent.)

Let's get one thing straight. Exclusivity, forced or otherwise, doesn't deny the possibility of camaraderie. Most colleges don't accept everyone that applies, and not everyone that gets in goes. That doesn't mean that you can't form serious lasting bonds on campuses, even among large groups of people. Even still, it's not as if there aren't examples of mages who use magic items as opposed to the magic in their bodies. People outside the ten percent capable of magic can still join magic guilds and work as members, even Fairy Tail. (Think Mystogan, and technically Porlyusica) You could be a part of Fairy Tail even if you can't use magic.

The function of the guild is to serve as a place for the audience to identify with. We ought to see the guild and rejoice as it rejoices, hurt when it hurts, and cry when it cries. At the very least, we should sympathize with the members of the Strongest Team as they seek to protect, save, and work on behalf of the guild.

This is why we get arcs like Edolas where the focus is returning the guild to normal. This is why one of the biggest arcs of the series involves members fighting to prove their worth after being ridiculed for seven years to almost absurd degrees. This is why the final war arc is framed, at least initially, as Fairy Tail vs Alvarez Empire and Acnologia. This is why the sequel found a way to involve the entire guild, even as our main focus ought to be on the Strongest Team.

What this means on a wider scale is keeping the guild's place as important. In arcs like Galuna Island or Daybreak, it's not as if that's a big concern. However, it's worth keeping in mind when arcs such as the Grand Magic Games and Tartarus come up.

I personally feel this strongest in rewriting the x791 arc. That arc is where I get to play with the feelings of the various members of the guild. What really ties some members to the guild? Prestige? Money? Secure jobs? What happens when that's taken away but the guild is still around?

And on a smaller scale, I have a good framework to address those minor characters of Fairy Tail. I don't know that every character needs to have a serious in-depth reason for joining and staying in Fairy Tail. That's especially true considering a lot of characters will leave halfway through the series. But, it's definitely worth thinking through what even small role folks like Kinana and Warren get out of being in the guild. If not for any reason but to shut the critics up.

#the rewrite of fairy tail #part 30 #this almost wasn't part 30 #i still have things to edit #read: finish writing #fairy tail month: seven of these?

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tyaudahlah · 5 years ago

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Dive Deep into Gitasav’s Ocean of Thoughts: “A Cup of Tea”

I actually have dedicated a place in my instagram feeds for this book, dan post gue DIKOMEN SAMA SI PENULISNYA DONGGG MO NANGIS

Masyaa Allah berkah ramadhan :”)

Anyway, gue mau cerita lebih banyak dan lebih lengkap tentang kesan pesan gue terhadap bukunya disini. Yes, Tumbr, that’s how much I love you.

Gue beli buku ini tuh karna impulsif aja. Sebelumnya emang udah sempet kepancing sih, pas baca tulisannya Kak Gita di blognya tentang bakal lahirnya buku kedua dia, tapi abis itu gue lupa. Trus pas liat-liat daftar buku di toko buku di shopee, eh ada ni buku nongol. Auto masukin keranjang dong.

Nah, sebelum buku ini nyampe, gue sempet ngerasa ragu. Sempet terlintas dipikiran gue, “duh, bakal bagus ga ya bukunya, bakal worth it ga ya..” karna waktu itu sambil nunggu bukunya, gue baca ebook Filosofi Teras dan gue cemas kalo seandainya A Cup of Tea ga worth it, gue bakal nyesel doang dan mikir, “kalo tau gini, mending beli Filosofi Teras aja..”

Fortunately, selama gue baca bukunya, ga pernah sekalipun terlintas penyesalan. In fact, gue berterimakasih kepada impulsivitas gue.

Kak Gita bilang, selama proses dia menulis buku ini, dia ikut belajar untuk memahami dirinya sendiri. Gue yang baca pun juga mengalami hal yang sama. Gue jadi ikut berkaca dan mengevaluasi pandangan hidup yang gue punya.

Oke, mari kita kupas satu demi satu bagian favorit gue dari buku ini yang membuat hati gue terus-terusan berkata, “COULDN’T AGREE MORE. SAY IT LOUDER SIS!”. Tapi ada juga satu bagian yang mesti gue renungin dulu, dan ada hal baru yang gue temukan. This is gonna be super long, so here we go.

Pertama, pendahuluan sebelum cerita tentang hari terakhir di London.

“Semakin modern zaman, gue merasa manusianya seperti semakin nggak punya hati, semakin individualis, semakin gampang menjatuhkan satu sama lain, dan semakin nggak bisa memanusiakan manusia. Semua bisa jadi bahan perdebatan dan perkelahian. Jangankan masalah agama, kemanusiaan, dan politik, perkara bubur diaduk dan nggak diaduk aja bisa menimbulkan perdebatan.”

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, about how humanity seems to fade out through modernity. Gue bersyukur lahir di dunia yang peradabannya udah canggih kek sekarang. Ga kebayang kalo ga ada internet gimana. Tapi gue akui, efek sampingnya ke moral manusia emang jelek. Jaman makin canggih ga lantas membuat manusia jadi lebih baik. “Semakin nggak bisa memanusiakan manusia” adalah bagian yang sangat amat gue setujui. Di era media sosial dimana kita bisa terhubung sama siapapun lewat gadget, kita jadi cenderung lupa bahwa yang diujung sana, pengguna akun lain itu, juga manusia yang sama kek kita. Punya masalah hidup, punya perasaan, punya pikiran. Kita nganggep mereka sebagai objek yang kita maki-maki gimanapun harus bisa pasrah dan nerima. Padahal, ga semuanya harus diselesaikan dengan keributan, bray. Solusinya sederhana banget. Negur atau meluruskan sesuatu tuh boleh, tapi harus paham etika dan pake bahasa yang sopan dan ga bertele-tele sehingga poinnya nyampe. Tapi emang paling gampang tuh pake prinsip: kalo ga suka, ya ga usah diliat. Kalo kata alm. Gus Dur, “Gitu aja kok repot?”

By the way, gue tim bubur diaduk.

Kedua, bagian sebelum ceritain Mirae.

“Gue jadi suka mikir, kapan terakhir kali gue se-care free itu. Gue nggak ingat. Yang gue tahu, tiba-tiba gue tumbuh menjadi manusia yang suka kebanyakan mikir. Alhasil mimik muka auto-judes karena dahi gue selalu mengernyit.”

WHY IS THIS SO ME? Sebagai penderita RBF, gue jadi mikir, apa beneran gegara gue kebanyakan mikir ya, makanya muka gue jadi begini? Seorang temen gue waktu selesai kelas pernah nyeletuk, “Kapan terakhir kali kalian tidur siang?” trus temen gue yang lain ngebales, “Pas bayi.” Tidur siang sama care free hampir mirip lah ya. Intinya, kita semua kadang capek berada dalam dunia orang dewasa dengan segala bebannya dan merindukan masa-masa ketika kita ga punya keraguan apapun, ga perlu mikir konsekuensi dari setiap keputusan yang diambil, ga perlu khawatir tentang apa kata orang, dan sebagainya, dan seterusnya.

Ketiga, bagian ngomongin introversion.

“Menurut gue, dalam berkomunikasi ada banyak hal yang harus diperhatikan selain cuma ngobrol-ngobrol seru. Salah satu yang paling krusial adalah mendengar. Mendengar untuk mengerti, bukan untuk merespons.”

Ini prinsip yang baru gue anut sejak awal kuliah. Mungkin ini juga yang ngebuat beberapa temen percayain gue jadi telinga buat mereka. Tapi karena gue paham ini, ketika gue dihadapin sama orang yang ga paham, gue kesel sendiri. Kita semua pasti punya temen atau kenalan yang kalo kita cerita A doang, tiba-tiba dia mutar lampu sorot jadi ke dia dan malah dia yang cerita dari A-Z. Gue ga tau apakah orang-orang semacam itu tuh beneran ga ngerti hal dasar kek gini, atau emang acuh aja?

Ini masih berlanjut di paragraf selanjutnya.

“Menjadi pendengar yang baik itu sulit. Nggak semua bisa melakukan dan butuh proses yang panjang untuk bisa ke tahap itu. Selain mendengarkan kata-katanya, kita juga mesti memperhatikan cara bicara dan intonasi lawan bicara.”

Gue ga inget apakah ada orang yang abis cerita ke gue trus ngomong “Thanks, Tya, you are a good listener.” Tapi, gue pernah dapet apresiasi lewat surat kecil gitu, dari ketua organisasi yang dulu gue ikuti. Dia bilang: “Syuka how you listen to people, it feels you really really appreciate and respect them and it’s not just a gimmick or pretend to listen but you actually listen. I don’t know how you do it, but please keep it up. There’s not much people who actually listen nowadays.” Sampe sekarang kalo gue baca lagi, senyum auto ngembang di pipi tembem gue.

“Menjadi pendengar yang baik itu sulit.” Gue sangat setuju. Ada masanya gue capek, gue pengen mikirin masalah gue sendiri dulu, atau gue lagi mentally drained dan semacamnya, tapi gue juga ga bisa nolak orang yang dateng cerita ke gue karena gue tau, memutuskan untuk menumpahkan perasaan ke orang lain itu ga mudah bagi sebagian besar orang. Butuh mikir berkali-kali sampe akhirnya jari beneran tergerak untuk ngechat si orang lain. Gue juga ga mau orang ini ngerasa sendiri dalam ngehadapin masalahnya. Makanya kalo untuk hal ini, gue selalu mengesampingkan diri gue dulu untuk sementara. Tapi situasi semacam ini jarang sih, karena selain seneng bisa bantu walaupun cuma dengan mendengarkan, gue juga seneng karena selalu ada hal yang bisa gue petik dari dengerin cerita orang lain. It helps me to not become a shallow person.

Masih lanjut,

“Di sinilah pentingnya untuk bisa berempati dengan lawan bicara. Supaya kita nggak menggeser fokus percakapan ke arah kita melulu. Sesekali, sih, nggak apa. Cuma ada masanya lawan bicara butuh divalidasi, bukan dikacangin bahkan sampai dihakimi.”

Gue ga inget sih apakah gue pernah sampe ngehakimin orang yang cerita ke gue. Rasanya ga pernah (dan semoga emang ga pernah). Tapi dulu-dulu, gue punya tendensi untuk ngasih nasihat ke orang itu tanpa diminta. Setelah terlibat konflik kecil sama sahabat gue (dia cowo) waktu tahun pertama kuliah, dari situ gue belajar bahwa kadang orang emang pengen didengerin aja, diiyain atau bahasa kerennya di atas, divalidasi. Ga setiap waktu mereka butuh nasihat atau saran. Mereka mungkin udah tau salahnya dimana atau apa yang harus dilakuin, mereka cuma butuh didengerin doang. Sejak saat itu, setiap kali orang mau numpahin uneg-uneg ke gue, gue selalu nanya dulu, “Lo mau gue dengerin aja atau gue kasih saran juga?”.

Keempat, bagian tentang Sulli dan cyber bulling yang sempet dialamin Kak Gita beberapa waktu lalu.

“Pada saat itu, gue merasa semua orang membicarakan, menggunjing, mencaci maki, mempermalukan gue. Rasanya gue ingin hilang aja dari muka bumi dan semua itu disebabkan oleh kesalahpahaman dan sifat manusia yang selalu ingin menjadi juri dalam masalah yang nggak ada sangkut-pautnya dengan dirinya.”

Paragraf setelah itu lebih menyayat hati gue ketika dia cerita tentang berbagai cara yang dia lakuin buat nyembuhin luka yang ditorehkan ribuan netizen Indonesia dan gimana masih jelasnya rasa sakit dari luka itu. Gue ga begitu inget rincian masalahnya, tapi gue tau dia sempet jadi trending topic untuk beberapa waktu. Banyak orang di twitter yang menggunggah ungkapan kekecewaan mereka terhadap dia.

Gue udah mengagumi Kak Gita sebelum ada masalah itu. For a split second, I was a bit shock when I see her way of communicating with that man. But then I thought, she must had her reasons of her actions. She had all the right to feel angry, and as someone who knew nothing about the problem, I had no right to be disappointed. Lagipula kalo gue tukeran ada di posisi dia, gue ga yakin bakal ngelakuin hal yang lebih baik, so what’s the point to judge? Gue sadar betul dia tuh manusia yang ga sempurna dan punya perasaan meskipun keliatan kuat diluar. Ngeharapin seorang public figure untuk sempurna tuh ga masuk akal, cuy. Ga akan pernah masuk akal. Makanya setelah masalahnya berlalu, gue masih suka nontonin video dia, sampe sekarang. I didn’t lose any single piece of respect I have for her since the beginning.

“..sifat manusia yang selalu ingin menjadi juri dalam masalah yang nggak ada sangkut-pautnya dengan dirinya.” Nah, ini. Kadang tanpa sadar, gue begini juga. Tapi gue sebisa mungkin ngestop ini as soon as possible. Ujung-ujungnya selalu balik ke alasan dasar kalo gue ga betul-betul mengerti apa yang terjadi dan gue ga berhak untuk memutuskan siapa yang salah atau yang benar, karena gue ga tau sudut pandang dari pihak-pihak yang terlibat. Lagian ngapain sih mau ambil andil sebagai hakim di masalah orang lain? Hidup gue sendiri udah cukup banyak masalah, kali.

“Having people telling you who you are, how you feel and what you need to do is hurtful and can make you feel less than. Padahal harusnya kita adalah satu-satunya orang yang mengenal diri kita paling dalam. Harusnya hanya kita yang mengerti apa yang sebenarnya kita rasakan. Harusnya kita nggak didikte oleh orang-orang asing apa yang harus kita lakukan terhadap diri kita sendiri.”

Gue ga pernah sih mengalami hal yang serupa karena halo, siapa gue? Tapi gue pernah dilukai oleh label yang dicap ke gue oleh beberapa orang yang ga tau apa-apa tentang gue. And indeed, it hurts so much. Gue sampe nangis yang level susah narik napas, sesak. Baru beberapa orang doang tuh. Apa kabar kalo gue jadi Kak Gita? Gue bersyukur dan bangga banget dia bisa bangkit dan makin tangguh, sehingga akhirnya buku ini terbit. I respect her even more.

Kelima, bagian asal muasal kebahagiaan.

“Menerima diri sendiri itu semacam memahami teori Kimia advance, padahal kita anak Ekonomi. Bukan berarti nggak mungkin untuk dilakukan, tapi butuh usaha lebih. Karena pada kenyataannya, merasa cukup akan diri kita itu susah banget.”

Self-acceptance adalah PR yang sampe sekarang masih gue kerjain. Ada masanya gue mempertanyakan kenapa gue gini, kenapa gue ga gitu. Di saat yang lain, gue ngerasa gue oke-oke aja, ga ada masalah. Gue ga tau apakah gue bisa mempertahankan penerimaan gue terhadap diri sendiri sampe seterusnya, karena seperti kebahagiaan, gue memandang self-acceptance sebagai siklus yang terus berputar. And I guess it’s okay, right? Life is not always sunshine and rainbows, it’s more like daily thunderstorms. As long as I get back on track, I’ll be okay again.

Ada satu lagi nih,

“Kita suka menyangkal isi hati kita. Biasanya, sih, terhadap perasaan-perasan negatif yang sebenarnya sangat normal untuk kita miliki. Sayangnya karena masyarakat kita senang sekali mengglorifikasi kepositifan dan menganggap buruk emosi negatif, kita sering terperangkap di dalam kepalsuan dan kepura-puraan.”

Kalo gue baca ini dulu-dulu, mungkin gue akan sangat tertohok, Tapi karena gue bacanya sekarang, gue malah tersenyum sambil mengangguk-ngangguk. Sejak baca Backwards Law yang dicantumin Mark Manson di bukunya, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F, gue mulai memisahkan diri gue dari jenis masyarakat diatas. Gue mulai berhenti untuk kesel ke diri sendiri tiap gue badmood. Gue mulai berhenti untuk marah kalo gue nangis karena hal sepele. Gue mulai belajar untuk menenangkan diri gue sendiri dan berkata “Gapapa, Ya. Gapapa.” Kalo kata Kak Gita,

“Karena sebagai manusia, gue sudah sepantasnya memiliki banyak perasaan.”

Keenam, tentang detachment.

Nah, ga seperti bagian sebelumnya yang langsung gue sambut dengan hangat, bagian yang ini mesti gue renungin dulu. Bukan karena ga setuju, tapi karena detachment adalah hal yang sempet terlintas di kepala gue dan gue snooze, soalnya gue ngerasa aneh mikirin ini. Unlike her, I specifically thinking about detachment from people only. Itu yang bikin gue ragu sama pemikiran gue sendiri. And the moment when I read that she, not only think, but also applied it in her real life, gue jadi dipaksa untuk merenungi ini lagi.

“Sekarang gue adalah manusia yang gemar membuat jarak. Jaraknya pun bermacam-macam, bisa dikondisikan, tergantung dimana letak individu atau hal tersebut di daftar prioritas hidup gue.”

Gue baru inget kalo gue sebenernya udah ngelakuin ini, ga tau sejak kapan. Beberapa orang bilang kalo gue dikelilingi dinding berlapis yang ga kasat mata dan gue susah “diraih”, bahkan ada seseorang yang menggambarkan gue seperti laut, dalam dan susah dijangkau dasarnya. Gue mengatur jarak berdasarkan si orang ini ada di lapisan circle keberapa. Kalo lapisan pertengahan ke luar mah gampang, yang gue pikirin adalah gimana caranya detach dari orang-orang di lapisan bagian dalam. Mikirnya aja udah berat, apalagi ngelakuinnya.

“Selain sebagai perlindungan diri, gue melihat “detachment” sebagai cara gue untuk mengambil alih emosi yang gue punya.”

Gue baru mikir detachment buat ngelindungin diri doang sih, belom sampe ambil alih emosi. Terkait ini, gue pernah kepikiran soal bergantung. Gue tau kalo bergantung ke orang lain itu sejatinya nyusahin diri sendiri di masa depan, karena kalo yang dijadiin tempat bergantung ini pergi, gue bisa rapuh, trus hancur. Emang udah paling bener sih buat bergantung tuh ke Allah semata. Tapi ya.. it’s easier said than done. Kadang jadi bergantung tuh tanpa sadar aja, kek yang gue rasain sekarang ke temen-temen kuliah gue.

Tapi kalo gue pikir-pikir lagi, sepertinya inti dari detachment disini tuh bukan tentang ngejauhin diri lo dari orang-orang, tapi lebih ke gimana caranya lo ga kehilangan diri lo sendiri, sehingga kalo orang-orang pergi dari hidup lo, pada akhirnya lo masih bisa berdiri tegak dengan kedua kaki lo sendiri.

Mari kilas balik. Dulu pas SD, gue ngerasa sesedih itu harus pisah sama temen-temen sekelas. Tapi pas SMP, gue nemu temen baru, trus menjauh secara alamiah aja sama temen SD (beberapa masih ada yang keep in touch sih sampe sekarang). Pas sistem RSBI di SMP dibubarin di kelas 8 dan jadinya semua siswa dicampur dan diacak, gue kecewa karena waktu itu kelas gue lagi kompak banget. Tapi pas ngejalanin kelas 9, ya gitu-gitu aja. Paitnya, gue cuma lanjut teguran sama 1-4 orang doang (itulah salah satunya kenapa diantara SD-SMP-SMA, gue paling ga suka SMP. Penuh omong kosong). Trus pas lulus SMA, lagi-lagi gue patah hati karena harus pisah sama temen sekelas. Tapi seperti yang sudah-sudah, I eventually move on with life. Gue sedih, tapi ga rapuh dan ga hancur karena mereka pergi.

Tapi mungkin itu karena mereka ada di circle lapisan luar..

Gue udah pernah ditinggalin sama orang dari circle lapisan dalam, ketika gue udah bisa mikir dan merasa berduka atas suatu kehilangan. Nenek gue, yang akrab gue panggil dengan sebutan Ama (iya, gue ada darah minang), meninggal tahun 2017, pas banget 2 hari setelah keluar hasil gue lulus SBMPTN. Technically, I was raised by her, dan gue lebih deket sama dia daripada orang tua gue. Makanya hati gue hancur. Beruntung gue punya 2 orang sahabat yang pada saat itu nemenin gue dan bantu gue untuk menata diri, jadi gue ga sampe kehilangan diri sendiri. But still, it takes a long time for me to heal, bahkan sampe hari ini, but I'm glad that I'm making progress, walaupun kadang suka kangen tiba-tiba.

Nah sekarang, si 2 orang itu ada di lapisan paling dalam di circle gue. Mereka yang saat ini gue takutkan bakal hilang. Yang satu udah bareng gue dari 2011, yang satunya lagi dari 2005. Mereka yang paling hapal dan paham gue orang macam apa, dengan segenap kompleksitas yang gue punya. Gue tau kok kalo keadaan bisa berubah kapanpun, bahwa ga ada yang bisa jamin kalo kita bertiga bakal begini terus. Malah, gue udah menduga kalo kita mungkin bakal drifting apart ketika suatu saat (seandainya) kita membangun keluarga masing-masing. But the fact that I get to know myself better each day and trying to be my own best friend is something that I'm grateful for, karena ini jadi bentuk antisipasi kalau-kalau prediksi gue beneran terjadi.

People will always leave, that's what life is about. But to lose yourself is something that, for whatever reason, is not worth to trade with.

Kak Gita juga memberi gue (unintentional) tips untuk memahami diri sendiri:

“Gue sering membayangkan diri gue dibelah menjadi dua. Gita 1 adalah Gita yang suka bertingkah aneh-aneh, bergantung pada berbagai hal yang membuat dia sering kesusahan, sedih, marah, dan kecewa. Gita 2 adalah Gita yang selalu membawa buku catatan. Gita 2 selalu mengamati gerak-gerik Gita 1 tanpa henti dan mencatat itu semua di buku laporannya. Jika Gita 1 mulai berlebihan, Gita 2 memiliki kuasa untuk menegur dan mengubah Gita 1 supaya kembali waras.”

Gue orangnya ga suka cari masalah sama orang lain, tapi kalo sama diri sendiri, debat mulu kek politisi. Gue sadar kalo diri gue terbagi dua, tapi gue baru ngeh, kenapa ga sekalian melabeli dua sisi ini? Ini tuh mempermudah gue buat sort out my thoughts and feelings, gue jadi bisa belajar buat tegas ke diri sendiri, sekaligus bikin gue mempertanyakan pikiran gue sendiri, karena emang ga semua hal yang ada di dalam kepala kita bener.

Let me try to addapt the concept into my own version. Dasarnya sama, gue akan membagi diri gue jadi Tya 1 dan Tya 2. Tya 1 adalah inner child yang sering khawatir sama pendapat orang, suka overthinking yang ga penting, kadang self-blaming, diliputi berbagai macam ketakutan dan kecemasan, serta lebih emosional. Tya 2 adalah kakaknya Tya 1, yang lebih rasional, dan mencoba yang terbaik untuk memahami dan memberikan pengertian ke Tya 1 kalo dia lagi riweuh sendiri, dan ngepuk-puk Tya 1 kalo lagi sedih. Semoga konsep ini bisa gue aplikasikan dengan baik.

Anyway, masih di deket bagian ini, Kak Gita bicara soal detachment yang dia diskusikan sama Kak Paul, suaminya.

“Tapi buat gue–dan untungnya Paul memiliki pandangan yang sama–menikah bukan soal menggantungkan hidup dengan orang lain, tapi berjalan bersama-sama. Nggak harus berdempetan, tetap menjaga jarak. Menemukan teman hidup, tapi bukan berarti kehilangan diri sendiri.”

Kak Gita juga mengutip buku Khalil Gibran yang judulnya The Prophet, yang bikin gue terdiam,

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

Wow.

Disini, gue lumayan sepakat (lagi) sih. Gue masih jauh banget sebenernya buat ke arah situ, tapi gue pernah sempet mikir tentang istri yang sebaiknya diberikan dukungan sama suami untuk kerja (ga mesti kantoran, pokoknya ada hal yang diurusin selain rumah tangga), supaya dunianya ga berputar di anak sama suami aja, soalnya kalo dunianya pergi, dia bisa apa? Gue juga mikir bahwa kata ‘teman hidup’ itu mesti diterapin beneran, dalam arti suami-istri itu harus saling mendukung, saling mendengarkan, saling membantu. Give and give, not give and take. Nah, penjelasan Kak Gita diatas menambah pemahaman gue tentang pernikahan, dan gue rasa penjelasannya mengarah ke makna cinta karena Allah, ya ga sih? Dengan tetap menjaga diri sendiri dan ga bergantung ke pasangan, sejatinya gue jadi paham bahwa ada Allah diatas semuanya. Gue ga tau apakah gue bisa menerapkan hal yang sama kalau gue menikah, tapi yang jelas, gue akan mencocokkan visi, misi dan frekuensi tentang konsep pernikahan sama si calon, to make sure that we are on the same side.

Ketujuh, semua bagian tentang hal-hal yang Kak Gita alami di luar negeri.

Untuk yang terakhir ini, karena hampir di setiap bab, gue ga akan melampirkan bagian-bagiannya apa aja. Basically, semua cerita tentang pengalaman dia semacam membangunkan mimpi gue yang udah gue kubur dalem-dalem.

Seperti banyak orang lainnya, gue pernah bermimpi untuk jalan-jalan ke negara-negara yang ada di dunia. Gue membayangkan dari rasa nyentuh salju, sampai gimana rasanya berhadapan dengan wajah-wajah dan bahasa yang ga familiar. Mungkin sejak mulai kuliah, gue mulai melupakan ini, karena gue jadi lebih realistis dan ga berani menargetkan hal yang muluk-muluk. Traveling abroad jelas merupakan hal yang sangat muluk, soalnya gue ga terlahir di keluarga Sultan Brunei Darussalam.

Tapi kemudian setelah membaca cerita-cerita doi, tentang banyaknya hal yang ditemui dan dipelajari dari setiap kunjungan ke negara lain, ditambah dengan foto-foto yang membuat gue kagum, mimpi gue seperti menemukan nyawanya kembali. Gue jadi memikirkan ulang tujuan gue mau ke luar negeri tuh apa. Dulu sih cuma buat instagram keknya, tapi sekarang gue mengubah pandangan itu ke orang-orang yang akan gue temui, pola pikir mereka, budaya di negara itu, sejarahnya, dan hal-hal menarik lainnya.

Sekarang, pertanyaan tersulitnya adalah: gimana caranya gue bisa ke luar negeri? Gue bahkan belom kepikiran tentang tema judul skripsi, let alone pekerjaan di masa depan. Kalo bisa milih, tentunya gue pengen yang bisa bikin gue traveling gratis. Tapi apa? Gue belom tau. Gue bahkan ga tau apakah gue bakal meneruskan karir di bidang yang linier sama gelar gue atau nyebrang ke hal lain yang beneran gue suka dan gue mau lakuin. Nah kalo udah bingung begini, Tya 2 akan menginterupsi dan bilang, “Satu-satu dulu. You’ll figure it out later. Sekarang pelajari sebanyak mungkin skill diluar ilmu kuliah, dan jangan boros, oke?” Okay then, we’ll see. For now, I guess I just have to save my money regularly and be strict to not buy things that I don’t really need at the moment.

Akhirnya, sampailah kita di penghujung acara. Gila ya, panjang juga bacotan gue. Intinya, gue bersyukur banget bisa punya buku ini, karena entah gimana gue bisa relate sama banyak hal didalamnya, meskipun gue sama Kak Gita ga kenal sama sekali, ga seumuran, punya pengalaman hidup yang beda banget, sampe MBTI pun ga setipe (selisih sehuruf doang tapi jadinya ya kita tetep beda, dia INTJ, gue INFJ, lul). Walaupun gue bisa relate, buku ini tetep insightful banget, sih. Gue juga suka minicard (if that’s the right term) My Dream List buat tahun 2020 sama 2021.

Keraguan gue diatas bisa dengan yakin gue jawab. This book is totally worth the money.

Sekian dan selamat menyelam kedalam samudera pikiran seorang Gita Savitri Devi!

#TyaNgereview

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icariahq · 5 years ago

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To say the doors weren’t expected would have been an understatement. Mere moments after they appeared the island erupted into chaos. The gods moving to the door exploring it, keeping people from it. Demi-gods and their parents hanging back, just watching. Fear rippling through the crowd as each god tugged, examined, and generally explored the door.

Twenty minutes had passed before the gods collectively agreed there was no harm coming from the doors -- at least not now. No one knew what lay beyond them -- but they also didn’t seem to be able to open. Slowly, the movie resumed, but the air was different now. Tense. And everyone seemed to keep one eye on the door.... waiting.

That had been Wednesday.

The doors were left generally unguarded, a god always close but not stopping others from messing with it.

Noelle had kicked it, Luke had run into it, others like Mira monitored it taking notes. Astrid, Weston, and others tried to use their powers to pry the door open or feel what was beyond it... While some, like Colton, played jokes, trying to scare others who came by. And even more just -- tried to pretend they didn’t exist. Tried to ignore what it might mean and what lay beyond those three colorful doors.

Though the wait wouldn’t be long... Because Friday arrived along with the carnival.

(more under the readmore)

It seemed as if overnight the city square had completely transformed. From a cute and generally calm place to one exploding of neon and color and all manner of delicious smells. Rides and booths all shapes and sizes appeared; stalls full of delicious junk food, meat, and all manner of game booths sprouted up like vines reaching for the sun.

And in the middle of all that, still unmoved and unopened was the purple door. People seemed to give it a wide birth despite the table that had appeared next to it with a small sign asking for anyone who might have seen the pieces to the metal Burr puzzle. Others lay on the table to be solved, though most seemed relatively untouched.

All around the carnival small metal pieces had appeared, six in total. Some on ledges higher up, others half-buried in the sand. Most appeared next to set down drinks or on chairs next to human parents. Each picked up and pocketed without much thought as if something was calling to them, telling them they had to pick the piece up. And one... one appeared on the table a near-silent pop accompanying it.

They were carried around the carnival until each one of the five humans who found the metal pieces had strolled by that table. The words Please help us find the metal pieces to our Burr Puzzle! And feel free to solve another! catching their eye... but it was as if a physical tug pulled them to the table. As if that tug begged of them to pull that metal piece hidden in pockets and purses out, to drop it on the table without much of a second glance.

Astrid’s bubba, Alyssa, was the first to drop the metal piece followed by spending a few minutes solving another one of the wooden puzzles strewn about the table.

Twenty minutes later Luna’s dad Damien strolled by doing the same.

Ten minutes after that Bernie’s step-dad Jay, laughing and clutching the piece of metal between his hands started to fiddle with the other three before moving to another, solving it and moving on.

Then it was Joanna’s dad Martin who found the table. He stood around, examining the pieces before fixing what Jay had been messing with and moving on himself.

Kennedy and her father, Jonathan, were the next to stroll to the table. The two competing to see who could solve a puzzle faster before each trying their hand at the Burr puzzle. It was Jonathan though who finally solved it. With a cheer and a laugh, the two continued off. The puzzle forgotten.

Fifteen minutes later. The puzzle vanished just as quietly as it had appeared..... and the door swung open.

Beyond the door was another world. If one looked -- you could see a hedge wall about 30 feet off.... and the Minotaur. A huge half-bull half-man creature. The guardian of the Labyrinth. He raged upon seeing the door he guarded open, raged upon seeing humans and gods mingling and moving about. Raged at the new world that appeared before him. He bellowed, loud and long, a silence falling to any who heard it, fear clenching any heart that was close enough to know what was about to happen.

To those who knew the Minotaur’s story, he was a fearsome and strong creature, but they knew him as dead. Theseus had killed him. Yet there he was... standing, raging at the world beyond the door. Fury and dread and the smell of death starting to fill the area. There would be little that could stop him. Little that could calm the bull down and before anyone had a chance to scream, to warn the others the guardian of the other world -- charged into the carnival.

#icaria: plot drop #Icaria: Chapter 1

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queen-scribbles · 7 years ago

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Okay, I’m way past all of this now(seriously, way past), so it’s super late in coming, but I’m having feelings about the disaster mage. So batch one of the dialogues that hit way closer to home with Inquisitor!Jowan than any other character I’ve played.

~Given how early in the game it is, he almost agrees when Alexius calls him a mistake. He shouldn’t be here, he isn’t who they think he is, this was all just an accident of circumstance, and even beyond that, his life prior to becoming “Herald of Andraste” is so riddled with mistakes(doozies, too, that keep hurting the people around him) that part of him does wonder at times if he’s a mistake. In general. As a person. Not big on self-confidence, Levyn.

~Following out from that, he really struggles a lot with everyone looking to him as some sort of savior. Especially because he’s spent the last decade trying to hide and keep as low a profile as possible, being the center of attention practically makes his skin crawl. He doesn’t get it. He’s nothing special. He’s having trouble believing the Maker or Andraste or whoever would choose him. On purpose. And that people would follow him. Willingly. (Of course, they all think he’s a noble from Ostwick, not a maleficar apostate from Ferelden. But that’s a whole ‘nother mess)

~Mother Giselle, man. I really love her as a character, and Levyn more than any of my Quizzies needed to hear a lot of what she has to say. She has a way of seeming to know exactly what he needs to hear(Especially pre-Skyhold), and saying it with grace, even if it’s something that makes him uncomfortable bc of how right she is. Like, that scene leading up to ‘The Dawn Will Come’, he’s seriously toying with coming clean, even if it gets him executed or whatever, just so they can have a leader would actually knows wtf they’re doing. Rather than a screw-up apostate who ruins everything he touches. And then she just.. hits the nail on the head multiple times during that conversation, gives him a lot to think about(part of him even wonders if she knows he’s not actually a Trevelyan, but he’s too scared to bring it up), which he does on the journey to Skyhold...

...where we get the dialogue with Cassandra pointing out that it’s not who he is or where he came from but what he’s done that makes him Corypheus’ rival, makes all these people want to follow him. They’re following out of faith, both in the Maker/Andraste and him. Because he’s earned it. He’s proven he can do this, and they trust him, no matter how out of his depth he may feel. That’s the first moment where he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can do this. He’s still sweating bullets that the whole ‘Not Levyn Trevelyan’ thing will be found out, but he’s no longer convinced he’s going to screw this up.

~When he does the “undercover” thing with Iron Bull to see what the troops think of him, that kind of blows him away. He’s not used to people(except Trinne, who’s biased) thinking he’s anything more than a failure, or at best mediocre. So the way Mira and Tanner talk about him, he can’t keep his mouth shut, bc wow that’s a lot of pressure and he does not feel like he deserves so much praise. He’s still trying to make up for mistakes from a decade ago and these people are practically putting him on level with Andraste.

~It’s eyeopening, in multiple ways. They think that about him, but couldn’t recognize him standing right in front of them. He’s a symbol to these people, and aside from all the other implications of giving hope and needing to lead and all that, telling the truth now will do so much more harm than good in some circles, and change nothing in others, but the mess it would make isn’t worth stirring, so he just buries his past a little deeper and fully embraces the concept of “Whoever we were before, we are now the Inquisition”. By the mercy of the Maker and the best friend he hasn’t seen in a decade he got a second chance. What better way to use it than saving the world?

Bonus:

*cough*

#queen rambles #levyn trevelyan #inquisitor!jowan #jowan #metaaaaa #so much meta #there will likely be more before long bc i have many feelings about this man #SO MANY FEELINGS GUYS #will probably reblog in the morning but i wanna post before i forget xD

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fallen029 · 7 years ago

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A Dragon’s Love.4: Regret

Previous Chapter

He watched the S-Class promotion trials go by the first year without much care. He didn't get called, but that was fine. There was always next year. And Orion could remember well, when he turned thirteen, standing in the crowd with all the others, waiting on his name.

It didn't come.

Erza, who could tell he was hurt by this, spoke to him before she left with the Master and his mother to go hold the trials.

"Do you know that I was the youngest to complete the trials?" she asked him. "I was-"

"Fifteen," he grumbled as they sat out on her back porch. "I know."

"And your mother was sixteen when she accomplished hers. And Laxus, well, he was already seventeen. So see? Would you rather go before your ready and fall on your face? Or would you-"

"He picked," he grumbled through his teeth, "Radic. Over me! Radic gets to go and-"

"Radic is a complex case, yes," Erza agreed, smiling down at the young boy. "But he is the type that Laxus likes. He admires strength and-"

"Radic isn't strong. He's brutal. He's-"

"And once upon a time, Laxus was too." Erza shook her head, staring out at her backyard. "You will check up on my house while I am gone?"

He snorted, still in a rather foul mood. "I can't imagine anyone stupid enough to steal from Titania."

"I could name a few."

Glancing up at her then, he said, "Hey, Erza?"

"Hmmm?"

"I wanna beat you." It was a whisper then as he spoke, but he said it anyways. "I want to be the youngest. I wanna have a record in Fairy Tail too."

"Of all the memories and lasting impressions I hold, that is not one that I am most proud of."

"Huh?"

She gave him a stare. "You think that when people go back and remember me, that is what they will think of? That when people think of your mother, they will remember that she was an S-Class wizard? Not the countless times she saved the guild? Or the times that I put my life on the line for others? That is what is important."

"Yeah, but when the people that remember that die, so does the memory," he argued. "But a record-"

"The memory can fade, Orion, but the action never dies. The life you save will pass on, but the fact that once, no matter how long ago, you touched it remains. And if you think that being a mage is about anything other than helping others, then maybe you're not ready to be an S-Class."

He didn't wanna hear that though and glared at her. "I didn't say that was all I cared about. I-"

"I know," she told him. "But Master Laxus will choose you when he sees fit. And throwing a fit because another boy was chosen over you will not help anything. Do you know how long it took Natsu? Are you telling me that you are more powerful than he was at your age?"

"No," he groaned, kicking at the ground. "But Radic sucks."

"I will not agree with you," she told him. "But I will not disagree either."

Grinning then, if only slightly, he said, "If I ever do get to go-"

"When you get to go," she corrected.

"When I get to go," he said, "if I have to face you, I'm gonna take you down, Erza."

Laughing then, she said, "I welcome it. And do not think I will hold back."

"I know you won't." Unconsciously, he rubbed at his bruised arm from where just that afternoon the reequip mage had been a tad too rough in their sparring. "You never do."

As much as he hated not being able to be a part of those trials, he had to admit, watching stupid Radic come back a failure made him very happy. He didn't know what was better; that the boy hadn't made it passed the first round or the obvious disappointment in Gajeel's eyes. Orion decided it was a mixture.

Mira had found the time spent during the trials rather nice herself, as she always did. It was fun for her, participating and watching her friends have their dream come to fruition (the ones that failed, not so much). That year though had a rather different outcome that she was expecting.

"Trails were nice this year, huh?"

Mira hardly looked up as she was joined in the Master's office. "Mmmhmm."

Laxus only came in further. "What are you doing in here?"

"Just organizing your papers, Master."

"You know you don't have to call me that."

"I like it." She told him that every time he said that. "It makes me think of-"

"He ain't doin' so hot."

"He's held on longer than anyone expected," Mira said, finally glancing up for that. She was at a file cabinet, putting some things away. "But you're right. He won't make it out of this year, I don't think."

"He can't even get out of bed anymore, Mira."

"I know."

Sighing, Laxus came to stand above her. "What kinda files are you putting away?"

"Nothing serious," she told him with a slight smile. "Why? You worried I'll find something in here?"

"Your snooping skills?" He snorted. "You'd have already found whatever you were looking for."

"That's true."

"Demon."

"Hmmm?"

He let out a long breath then and, when she looked up, she gave him a look.

"Laxus, no."

"I just… We were spending so much time together during the trials and you know how I-"

"This is why I keep telling you that I can't treat you like I did Makarov. We can't work so closely together. Not if you-"

"I only wanna-"

"I know what you want." Shutting the drawer then, she got to her feet, a few files in her hands. "But it doesn't work that way. I told you last time-"

"You know how many last times there've been?"

"I know that this time I meant it."

"Mira-"

"We shouldn't be in here together." She moved to set the files on the desk then. He followed. "Laxus-"

"Do you remember," he asked softly as he came closer, "when we were first coming up with the rules? On how to keep you safe?"

"On how to keep you from being a father? Sure."

"You know that's not what it was about."

"I know that all the ideas you came up involved a lot of sacrifice on my part and very little on yours."

"What did you want, Mirajane? I told you, you could die, you could leave, or you could get rid of the baby."

"Kill the baby. Say it."

"Mira," he groaned. "It's not like that. You were just pregnant. If you just got rid of it-"

"Killed it."

"Stop it."

"No."

Glaring at her then, he said, "I told you when we first started sleeping together not to get pregnant. I even told you that sleeping with me was a bad idea. But you wanted to. You told me you wouldn't get knocked up. You did. That's your fault. So stop-"

"I'm not doing anything, Laxus, but telling the truth." She gave him a cold stare. "Did you ever think that maybe it was all bull anyways?"

"What was?"

"The whole curse to begin with. I mean-"

"I'm not fighting on this. I'm-"

"I'm not fighting you," she was quick to say. "Honest. But I'm not dead. And I didn't leave. And-"

"And Orion isn't my son."

"By blood he is."

"He doesn't have my name, he doesn't have my features, he doesn't have-"

"I still don't think that would have been enough," she told him. "I-"

"And we discussed that all, how many years ago now? What? Thirteen? Fourteen?"

She gave him a look. "Yeah and in those years, you sure had your barrage of women, didn't you, Master?"

"What does that have to do with anything? I'm sorry, did I ever even ask you not to date?"

"No, but you sure stuck me with a kid that-"

"I didn't want a kid," he hissed at her then, trying to keep his voice down. "At all. I gave you a multitude of options. You picked one. You seem to like this one. What? Would you have rather that we lived like a happy little family for a few years and then you died?"

"But I wouldn't have-"

"Fuck, demon, how many times do I have to tell you? It's a thing. It's been in my family for generations. The woman has a son, she leaves or dies. You weren't going to leave. I knew you weren't. But I love you. I saved you. You're welcome."

"Saved me? Are you still saving me, Laxus? Was it saving me all the times that we've slept together since-"

"That's why I wanted you to go away," he told her. "You know that. I tried, remember? I-"

"Yeah, to kick me out of the guild. To force me."

"I never-"

"You might as well have, back when I was pregnant. You made me miserable."

"I was trying to make you leave. I was-"

"Did it ever occur to you leave? At all? In these past few years?"

"Me? This is my home. This-"

"It's mine too!"

They'd been glaring at one another so long that, finally, he broke and looked off.

"Why are we talking about this again?"

Mira wasn't that easy to break though. "Because you were being an ass and coming in here all handsy-"

"I have not touched you," he told her then with a frown. "I've wanted to, but I have some self-control. Today."

"Laxus."

"I just love you."

"Right now," she grumbled before looking back at the files on the desk. "Are you going to let me finish? Or do you want to continue this conversation? We only have it, what? Every six months?"

"This one didn't feel complete."

"Oh?"

"One of us didn't storm off."

"I'm too tired."

"Poor demon." He looked back at her then, if only for a moment. "The curse is real."

"I don't believe it."

"You don't believe in curses? In a world of magic?"

"I don't."

Laxus laughed, but it was without humor. "Even though I can go back and show you every single woman in my family that died? That they gave birth to a son, he took the name, and then they died? Even though Gramps would attest to the same thing and Ivan literally watched my mother deteriorate-"

"I don't believe it," she repeated. "I'm sorry, but I don't. I mean, knowing the three of you so well, I assume that your ancestors were just as much of jerks and probably ticked some people off, but-"

"Then don't believe it," he told her then with a shrug. "I don't care. But you're alive. And I like you more that way. If denying it makes you feel better, fine. I don't care. But Orion's safe. And he has you."

"He wants you though, Laxus."

"No, he doesn't. He wants the mystery that you've decided to build up to be reveled. He wants closure that you made necessary."

"Oh, right, Laxus, I forgot that this was all my fault. Forgive me."

"Just…get out of my office, alright?" He was moving then, to go take a seat at the desk. "Don't organize shit for me anymore. Don't help me out. Just run the bar and I'll ask someone else. Or I'll do it myself. Is that what you want?"

"No, of course not. I-"

"Then what, Mira? You want me to go tell Orion that, surprise! I'm his father? You want that?"

"Of course not. I-"

"You wanna have sex?"

"W-What?"

Well, he tried…

"Just go, demon." He sighed, moving to rest his elbows on the desk before his head in his hands. "There's not much else we can talk about, is there?"

She paused for a moment before saying, "I don't wanna be mad at one another."

"I'm not mad at you. I've never been mad at you."

"Well, now you're lying to me."

"I'd like to think I've gotten better at it over the years."

Pressing her palms against the desk, she said, "For awhile there, we were going pretty good."

"When?"

"Mmmm…when Orion was probably about four. We stayed away from one another pretty well for, what? A year or two? Only spoke when we had to. You bothered Orion a few times, but-"

"I don't bother him. I check in on him," he corrected. Then, glancing at her, he said, "And you're hard to stay away from. I mean it when I say it. I do love you. You know that I do."

"I know that you've always said that. But no, Lax, I don't know that."

"I think you do. I think you hate to admit it, because it's easier to dislike me and call me a douche for what I've done to you, but you know that I care about you."

"Care and love are different things."

"And I do both. If you hadn't gotten pregnant-"

"It wouldn't have worked, Lax," she told him with a frown. "And you know it."

"Why do I know that? Huh? Why do I know something that didn't happen-"

"Because you're looking back with shaded vision," she told him. "We weren't the greatest couple, you know. And you were sleeping with other people."

"We weren't exclusive. We-"

"And we would have never been. And we would have ended a lot worse than we did. I'd have ended it or you would have and we would have caused a big fuss in the guild. We should have never been together in the first place."

Staring her in the eyes, he asked, "Do you really think that?"

"I really do. But I'm glad we were."

With a shake of his head, Laxus said, "I didn't think that we could keep it under wraps so long. I didn't think I could go without you."

"You haven't been without me though," she pointed out. And that was true enough. There had been slip ups. None in the past three years though, really. And she always regretted it. Really, they only served to send them backwards. They were never going to get over one another, that had been made clear, but every time they got to a shaky truce, they'd find themselves alone somewhere and it just… She hated herself, but she did still love him. For whatever reason, she always would. "And I hate not telling him. He loves you so much."

He looked off then. "Yeah, I guess he does."

"It's not just innate either. That's what makes it better, don't you think?"

"What?"

"He chose you, Laxus, out of everyone. He thinks that you're the strongest, best, and bravest, not because you're his father, but because he's seen it. Because you are."

"I miss that."

"Miss what?"

"You bragging on me."

"Shut up, Laxus."

"I do." He grinned then. "You used to rub my back and tell me how great I was."

"I made a lot of mistakes."

"Mira."

It was her turn to grin. "You used to rub my shoulders too."

"You know, demon, I've only gotten softer, the older I've gotten."

"Really?"

"Mmmhmm."

"What do you do now?" she asked. "For the women you're with?"

"What women?"

"That worked when we were in our twenties," she scolded. "Just barely."

He still just grinned. "A man has needs, demon. You can't fault him for taking care of them."

"I can't?"

"No." Shaking his head slightly, he said, "But I've never fallen in love again."

"That worked once," she said. "When Orion was, what now? Seven? Try again."

"I'm not trying. I'm just spilling my heart-"

"That didn't work. Any of the times you tried. And it's not this time either."

He just let out a long breath. "I still call out your name."

"Now you're getting weird."

"I still think about it, too. That time that I took you out of town, on that vacation, and we spent the whole time in the hotel room. Like fuck. I could have just kept you locked up in my apartment for no charge at all."

"That was a good week."

"It was."

Her turn to grin came then as she stared at him. "Can I do your files now? Master?"

"Was that all this was? Getting me all buttered up and relaxed?" He shut his eyes then. "Go ahead. If you're not going to rub my shoulders. This guild is taking it's toll on me already."

"Poor dragon."

"Poor me."

"I'm not going to though."

"I didn't think you would."

It didn't take long for her to finish up either. The whole time that she was down there, organizing, Laxus just sat there, thinking she figured. It was when she was all finished up though and getting to her feet that he stood. And she knew. She just knew.

"Laxus, n-"

"No one can tell me no," he reminded as he cornered her, trapped against the wall by the file cabinet. "I'm Master now, remember?"

"Laxus-"

"I'm just kidding." He grinned as he held his hands out, on either side of her head. Staring down at her, he said, "I just want a kiss."

"No, you don't."

"How do you know?"

"Laxus, honestly?"

"You want me too, don't you? Huh?"

"Not…here, for one."

"Then where? You wanna come home with me and-"

"No!"

"Shhh." He snickered. "Demon. Someone will hear."

"I'm shocked they haven't already."

"Just be glad." He moved to tilt his head forwards, but it was just to rest his forehead on hers. "Is the boy here?"

"He's on a job."

"Then what's the problem? Huh?"

"You're the one that always said-"

"I'm not gonna get you all knocked up again."

Rolling her eyes, Mira said, "You're such the romantic."

"I'm not." He smiled. "That's not even what I want from you."

That was enough. Mirajane literally shoved him away then as Laxus just laughed.

"Demon, don't-"

"I hate you, Laxus. So much."

He just reached out to grab at her, but she wasn't having it. He'd ruined it.

"Fine, go," he grumbled, as if he had a choice. She was leaving anyhow. "I love you."

"Shut up."

He'd really annoyed her. Not that that was anything new. That's why he liked Mira; for all the love she had for everyone else, she was pure fire with him. She always had been. Even before the baby. And he just poked and poked until she blew up in his face. Then he'd give it some time and go right back to poking.

It was their thing.

They'd had that sort of relationship for years. And years. The boy had put a hamper on things, and technically an end, but he just couldn't close the door on her. He knew he should, that it was necessary, but he couldn't help it. Especially the more time that went on and she didn't die. He even started to question himself at times.

But he knew. Of course he knew. It'd been told to him since he was a kid. Since Ivan blamed him for his mother's death. And he didn't want that for his demon. Or his son. He loved them both. Honest, he did. Mira was just so…captivating. And tempting. And right there. He figured she felt much the same as him for the most part.

So fine, Orion couldn't be his son. And he'd separated himself from the boy as much as he could. Mira though was a different case. He didn't have to keep himself completely separated from her. Not really. He just couldn't call the boy his own. That was all.

It was a thin line though and he knew every time they tried to step out on it, things only flew back in their faces. He didn't like toying with her. Or giving her false hope. But at the same time, he knew that Mirajane wasn't a normal woman. She just wasn't. She understood. Even though she didn't believe, she understood.

And somewhere, deep down, he had an inkling that she did believe just a little. Because the woman she was, he had a feeling she wouldn't have let him off the hook if she didn't. She'd have forced him to accept their son. That was just the way she was. And she would have died in the process.

It wasn't worth it. The boy, fine, he wanted a father, but other than that he was fine. And Laxus couldn't come out and say that he was his dad, but he did take care of him. He watched over him. He loved him. Really. He just couldn't say it.

He stayed in his office for the rest of the day, going over a few letters he'd received from other towns and such. It was well passed closing when there was a knock at his door.

"Laxus? I'm closing up," he heard Mira call. "Everyone's gone. Can you lock up?"

"C'mere for a sec. I need somethin'."

"What?" Opening the door, Mira was quick to come in and look. "I really need to go."

"Look at this."

Curious, Mirajane went to go see what he was pointing out on the letter in his hand. "Wh-"

He smiled into the kiss too. It was almost chaste, really. Against her lips, he said, "I tricked you."

"It won't happen again," she agreed.

"Then let me use it to my advantage."

He liked to think, too, that she hadn't been with anyone else in the past few years since they'd last been able to be together. He always liked to think that. He didn't know why. He knew it wouldn't be fair. He wouldn't hold it against her if she had. In fact, he didn't care. He would tell himself she hadn't anyways. As wrong as they were, she'd always been the only one for him. Always.

She hated him the next day, again. Like always. They didn't talk again for a month, at least. Not unless they had to. And if she hadn't wanted it just as badly as him, he might have felt a little bad. But she had. She knew it. He figured that all the hate she exhibited towards him, she had just as much for herself.

It would be a tense next few months.

For the two of them, anyhow. For Orion, things were going great. He was able to get out of his head a little and was doing extremely well on his jobs. Erza even took him out on a few S-Class ones and he realized just how hard they could be. Fun though. And his transformation magic, though not on his mother's level, was definitely exceptional.

And, when the year rounded out, he almost died when his name was mentioned among the list of those who were going to get a shot at being S-Class. Hearing the other names though, and realizing besides just one, they were all veterans, he was almost certain he wouldn't get it. But that was okay. He wasn't scared. If he didn't make it, he didn't make it. But at least that meant that the Master was thinking of him.

His mother opted out of going on the trials that year. Which everyone expected. He was a little disappointed, that she wouldn't be there, but part of him was also glad. She was too much of a safety blanket. And the last thing that he ever wanted to do was go up against her in battle (or get his butt kicked by his mother). Erza was going though. There was no way she wasn't. And even if he didn't make it further than the first round, as long as it was between him and Erza, he was down with it.

But he didn't even get that far. Radic, who was ticked that he had been overlooked that year, got into a fight with Orion not soon after it was all announced. And with his bows, fine, Orion was beyond reach, but the fight didn't involve magic. It was pure strength. And, as much as he hated the older guy, he was a brute. He wasn't very smart, but he was brawny.

Orion had broken bones before, but damn, Radic about tore his fucking leg off. It was horrible. He'd never been in pain like that before. And the other teen didn't take that as enough retribution. He wouldn't let him up. Just held him down and made him grit his teeth in pain.

"If I can't have it," he growled at him at one point, "why should you?"

Honestly, Orion didn't care that he got bested in the fight. He didn't care that Radic had won. Not at all. He did, however, care that he wouldn't be going to the trials that year.

"I can go," he argued to the Master, up in the infirmary, after his leg had been wrapped. "I-"

"With a broken leg?" The man just shook his head. "You'd only be coming right back home, after losing. This is a serious test. You're not fit for it now. I'm sorry."

"No, Master, you don't get it. It has to be this year. Next year-"

"You won't make it." Laxus actually did look rather sad for him, too, which was odd. "I'm sorry, kid. I really am. You shouldn't have-"

"Radic attacked me! What was I supposed to do?"

"Be better at defending yourself," Laxus told him simply. "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that." He'd never talked back to Laxus before, not really, but he was pissed at him then. Truly, he was. "I don't want you to be sorry for me."

He almost looked like he was smiling then, Laxus did, as he came closer to lay a hand on the boy's head.

"There'll be other trials, kid. Every year," he said as Orion just glared. "And one day, you're gonna go and you're gonna make it. And It's gonna be me and you at the end and you're gonna do whatever stupid final test I ask of you. Then I'm gonna make you and S-Class and you're going to realize it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I promise."

"It's easy to say when you have it."

"It is, ain't it?" He fully grinned then. "I picked you, Orion, because I know you'll do good. And another year? A whole other year to grow and mature? You're gonna be so ready."

"I want it now."

"I know." Laxus just left his hand there too, atop the boy's head. "I want you to have it too."

"Why?"

That made the older man pause. Orion thought he was thinking. Actually, Laxus was choking. That wasn't supposed to come out. At all.

Why would he want some random guy in the guild to become S-Class? Hmmm.

"Because you deserve it. I watched you, kid. I've always watched you. I dunno why. Maybe because you were the demon's son and I've seen what she could do. She's one of the only ones that never completely pissed me off around here." He dropped his hand then. "Use this time with your leg all busted up to do something other than train, huh? There's more to being a good mage than just being strong, completing jobs."

"What do you mean?"

"Kid, I don't ever see you with anyone other than us old losers," he told him. "Don't you have any friends or something?"

"I just train with Erza and Elfman and Bickslow and-"

"That's my point." He snickered then. "There's tons of girls and stuff all throughout Magnolia. Take some time off, eh? Don't be an old man yet. It won't suit you well when you are one. Ask Gramps."

Looking down, Orion said, "I don't want to hang out with the other kids. They all suck."

"I sued to think that. I hated these people. I thought they were weak and only got in the way."

"Worked out well for you."

"No," Laxus told him then with a frown. "I had to grow up. Realize that I couldn't do it all alone. You think that I'm still like that? 'cause I'm not. I have friends."

Orion glanced up at him. "I never see you with anyone."

"What are you then? My keeper?"

"N-No, I just-"

"I have to go," Laxus sighed then, looking off. "Keep your head up, kid. And if you show me what you did this year, and more, then we can look into it again next year, huh? I want you to make it. I like you, kid. If I didn't, I'd let you go out there, get your ass kicked, and maybe even screw up your leg even more. But I'm not gonna do that. You can wait. You'll get better. And next time that kid jumps you, you'll be ready, right?"

He could only nod though, and, with a sigh, Laxus set off. He had had his sights set on the boy coming along too. Even if he didn't make it, it would have given him good taste of what the trials were like. But…another year wouldn't do him any harm. None at all, really.

Downstairs, Laxus sought out Freed and found him relatively easy. Then again, if they were in the same place, the guy was rarely far from him.

"You know Gajeel's loser kid?" he mumbled to him as they stood off in a corner.

"what of him? But he could tell from Freed's gazed that he'd already picked up.

"I think he'd look nice with a broken arm. Don't you?"

"I could picture it, yes."

"Surely you and Bickslow could figure something out while I'm gone."

"Surely."

With Laxus gone, Orion felt no reason to stay up in the infirmary any longer. He was still a little peeved though, at the whole thing, conversation with his idol or not, and set off for the downstairs, even on his bum leg. It wasn't easy with crutches, at all, but when he made it down, he found that most everyone had cleared out for the day. Most were probably still annoyed that, once again, they would spend another year being overlooked for the S-Class trials.

If he wasn't so down on himself, he might have left the hall too. But where would he go? Home? And look weak? Like he was going to go cry about not being able to go or something? No. Master, even if he wasn't there, wouldn't like that. Orion knew he wouldn't.

He decided then that he'd stay there, in the hall, and look as apathetic about it as he could be. And, later, he'd go over to Makarov's house and whine to the old man about it. He was the only one that really ever seemed to understand all of Orion's problems, anyhow.

"Looks like," he heard then, "you will not be beating my record."

He hardly even glanced up at Erza stood before his table. "Guess not."

"Then you will be around to check in on my house while I'm gone?"

"What else do I have to do?"

"Do not feel so down, Orion." She even tapped him on the head before turning to walk away, no doubt to get ready for her departure the next day. "If when you look back on your life this is the worst it has ever been, surely you will have lived a great life."

Yeah. But for some reason, he had a feeling that it wouldn't be turning out that way.

"There's always next year," Mirajane told him that night when she came into his bedroom to check on him. He just laid there though, on his bed, face buried in a pillow as he tried to block her out. "You know that."

"You sound like Master."

"Well," she sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed as she gently stroked the back of his head. "Sometimes Master says some smart things."

"He believed in me. And I screwed it up."

"You screw anything up. You-"

"I let Radic win. Again." Shaking his head slightly, he said, "That's what Master said. That I shouldn't have let him take me. He was basically saying that I'm weak."

"I promise you that's not what he meant."

"How do you know?"

"Because I just know, Orion."

"Laxus doesn't let anyone do anything to him to hurt him," he told her then, voice muffled by the pillow. "That's why he's the strongest guy around. If someone broke his leg, he'd break their face."

"Accidents happen."

"It wasn't an accident and you know it. Radic's always hated me and it's not fair. I hate them. They all suck. They all hate me when I didn't do anything wrong."

"And why do you hate them then?"

"Because they're…them."

"Orion, listen to yourself."

He didn't want to. And besides, he didn't really mean it. Not completely, anyhow. He and Radic had some good times together, occasionally. Even recently. It was just the second that a prize was waved in one of their faces that they got so bloodthirsty. Because as much as Orion hated to admit it, if he had thought of it before, he'd have broken Radic's leg that year he got to go.

They weren't nearly as different as they seemed.

"Next year you'll be even stronger," she said simply, leaning over to kiss the back of her head before getting to her feet. "And Master will be even more impressed."

"Unless he's not. Then what? What if this was my one chance?"

"I thought you talked to him? You said that he told you-"

"Yeah, he said that stuff," Orion grumbled. "But who knows what he's really thinking? He might have just been telling me that to make me feel better. He might not ever give me another chance and I blew it and now he's not going to ever let me-"

"Take a breath."

"Mom-"

"Go to bed." She went to turn off the light and leave. "Things will look better if you just give them some time."

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