#minecraft steve weight

[ark-blocks]

hello tumblr pls enjoy these buff steve and alex skins I edited for somethin I was working on :]

also here's the skins:

[crunchyfield]

Have you ever wondered what's the mass of our friendly Steve ?

Well what I could tell you is that he for sure weighs more than some random apples but how heavy is he actually because as we discussed Steve's height in a previous post, let's now figure out his mass.

(yeah I said mass not weight because weight is in this case the force of attraction exercised between Steve at Earth's surface level and Earth's core level which is different)

The topic has already been thought out in the article thereafter:

However I strongly disagree with it assuming blocks' voxels' (3D pixels in Minecraft) dimensions are equivalent to Steve's voxels' ones when stating that Steve weighs 342 kg (754 lbs).It's just not necessarily true, in fact a mob's voxels' dimensions are subjective.

First off, we know Steve is 1.875 m (6'2") tall and measures 32 of his voxels in height that we'll shorten as svx (Steve voxel(s)) as of now for the sake of simplification.

With this out of the way, we have to find Steve's total body volume, to proceed we can notice Steve's character model could be viewed as 2 rectangular parallelepipeds & 1 cube attached all together :p .

This means means that we'd have to sum every 3 volumes to find out Steve's total body volume.

To proceed we can display some 3D axes non orthonormed for each volume to get a clear sight of what we're trying to measure as such:

Now as you might think, it's indeed a bit tough to clearly count voxels so let's make the task easier by counting voxels on a modified Steve skin:

Here are the results:

Thus Steve's total body volume corresponds to :

Now keep in mind that a svx equates :

which is about :

Finally we can translate Steve's total volume in cubic meters :

Furthermore, since Steve is a very athletic character (he jumps all the time, run all the time, looks healthy & is most certainly not average at all) we'll assume his body fat percentage to be approximately 10%.

After asking a few stupid questions to ChatGPT AI we're gonna assume Steve's body density is similar to an average low body fat, athletic (and ripped ofc x] ) male body density whose value is 1120 g/m^3.

As a result, manoeuvering the density formula gives a way to calculate Steve's mass :

Basically this guy is huge in every direction lol, his BMI is tremendously over 30 BUT we cannot necessarily say that he is morbidly obese because he does not look like it and if we were to make any judgement, those must be based off of Minecraft's world properties not of our world's...

Sidenote: Don't try to sue me for not getting the significant figures right, I purposefully let more decimal places to show how results really go.

[cripplecharacters]

I have some odd concerns that may not have any good answers, but I thought this was the best place to ask.

I have a Minecraft AU world. Specifically a Minecraft: Story Mode AU world. There are many variations from the original game, but the important one concerning me the most right now is that I'm trying to add in some disability representation.

I've done a lot of research into things like missing limbs, burn scars, etc, (often using this blog for help) but I'm struggling to think of a way for a wheelchair user to exist in this world.

Everything is made of blocks, so can wheels or anything like them even exist? Would wheels even be useful in a world where everything is made of blocks? Moving redstone contraptions might be a possible solution, but they'd be huge and clunky.

I'm considering having at least one character who actually rides on an animal to get around instead. Something like a llama, a pig, or maybe even a Minecraft-exclusive entity like a strider. Using an animal would come with its own issues, like the animal not listening to the owner, or the animal not being allowed into certain places...

I'm just not sure if this is an appropriate direction to go in.

I do still have research to do, but I figured asking some real people first might help.

Hello,

So, in Minecraft, if a certain thing is a circle or oval (such as the music discs, or if you place four pieces of train track right next to each other so they curve into a circle, etc,) it's a circle made of tiny blocks. You can also see this in the wheels on the minecarts, they're circles made of a bunch of little blocks. If you make a wheel out of tiny blocks, you can make a functioning wheel. This functioning wheel could also help with the terrain, as those tiny ninety-degree angles might be able to get a grip on the edges of the terrain blocks in ways purely circular wheels couldn't be.

The gravity in Minecraft isn't particularly devastating, so you might be able to say that a combination of the weaker gravity and the geometry interaction could let someone wheel their chair over uneven terrain. You could make anti-tip measures that would allow the wheelchair to pull a wheelie (tilting so that the front wheels are in the air,) hook the edges between the tiny blocks of the wheel onto the edge of the block of the terrain with the anti-tip measures helping keep them from falling backwards, and then they can either use the incredible strength Minecraft Steve has to push the wheels forward while shifting their weight forward to get up the uneven terrain, or you can create a motor for the wheelchair that's strong enough to get the wheels over that edge safely using the same incredible power that lets the redstone rails send a mine cart speeding off at the speed of light. It's not very far-fetched to create a new Minecraft device that uses redstone as an energy source, turning redstone into a battery.

You can also create "ramp" blocks, kind of a halfway between a slab and stairs, and the character can place those to help with uneven terrain. Or they can place rails up uneven terrain, making a diagonal rail track, that can be used in the same way. The Minecraft gravity and Minecraft Steve's superhuman strength would allow a wheelchair to go up a forty-five-degree slope (wheelchairs definitely can't do that in real life.) Or you could make the ramps longer, creating a block that's two blocks long with a slope of twenty-two-point-five degrees, or a ramp that's three blocks long and has a slope of fifteen degrees, and so on.

Or they could use an animal like a llama to get around the uneven terrain, keeping the wheelchair in a saddlebag or in their inventory (or it can be folded up and just strapped to the saddle somewhere if you want it to be more realistic,) and then they can dismount, set up the chair (or have someone set up the chair before they dismount,) and get in the chair to get around that way. Use the llama in some situations, and the wheelchair in others. And yes, using an animal can definitely come with issues. With pigs and striders, they don't listen to your commands, you dangle a piece of food on a stick to lure them where you want. That's a very unreliable method where a lot can go wrong. Llamas aren't very fast and can be a bit of a pain to tame and ride, plus they have a habit of breaking their leads if you tie them to a fence and they can get into fights with other mobs. Horses would be the best mobs to use as a mobility aid. They're fast, loyal, easy-ish to tame, can jump some obstacles, can wear armour, and you can regenerate their health if they get hurt. They could also use a different animal for different terrains because while a strider is kind of difficult, you can't use a horse or a llama in the Nether. Horses and llamas are suited for different terrains and can be switched between accordingly. There are also options like camels, mules, donkeys, skeleton horses, zombie horses, and maybe even those giant pig things from the Nether, but I don't know as much about those because I have too many Minecraft wiki pages open right now and it's slowing down my computer.

In short, both of your ideas could work, there are ways to make this work. Wheelchairs and ridden mobility mobs are both very possible in Minecraft.

Mod Aaron

[twilight-skies]

Welcome to the Game, Player.

Yeah I turned videogame and streamer logic into actual worldbuilding. Here are my headcanons for the Minecraft Multiverse :D

This is all geared towards, shall I say, “the stuff I personally know and care about” aka Hypixel, the lore connected to Hermitcraft & Company, and lore adjacent to the Dream SMP & Associated.

Players & Worlds:

Players will Spawn in singleplayer worlds when the World itself wills them to. They begin as an empty husk of a Default, and they build their personality through their following experiences and first memories. Sometimes they are found while New by other inhabitants; Villagers may take them in and give them shelter, while hostile creatures who perceive Players as enemies will attack on sight. A Player’s first instinct is to survive the night; if they are killed in their first day of life then the chance of getting to re-spawn are exponentially low, and overall their chances of it are faulty until they set-spawn at their first bed.

A Player is unique and easily identified by the two items they Spawn with on them: some sort of bag which is customized to their personality, and a gadget stored inside it. Their Inventory and their Interface. The former is a liminal space where Players can safely store things inside without carrying their weight or shape, while the latter is a device which acts as their communicator, announcement receiver, command station, and server database. They Spawn knowing how to use both, and the database comes loaded with an index public servers in the multiverse, but it is up to them to learn how to switch Worlds.

Often, their own personal singleplayer World that they Spawn into will become their primary homebase. Though, sometimes Players may abandon it once they travel to others, or they may unintentionally lose their way back to it. This creates nomad Players, who set up shop in other public or private multiplayer servers.

Hybrids:

All Player are spawned “Default”; they will either begin with an identical appearance to either Alex or Steve (see Origins). As Players progress in the Game and develop their own unique personhood, their physical body will evolve in tandem. Very quickly their body will shift and change to suit the individual, changing whatever it wills itself to; from color to shape of any bodypart, as well as melding their own psychologically. What they end up as is usually a combination of their personality and the environment they set themselves up in. Most become some sort of hybrid of a human and another mob species; the closest to Default (human) Players remain is if they imitate the Villagers they may live with.

Families:

It is possible for a New, much younger Player to be Spawned in an already-inhabited world; those are usually children who are taken in by the veteran adult Player. The rate of this type of Spawning on multiplayer worlds can be dictated by the Admin—the demigod-esque Player who holds control over the world for the rest of its Playerbase. There are some worlds that are Closed Servers but have been active for enough centuries that they have grown their own insular societies of Players who consistently raise families of New-Spawned children. These servers are often based around the concept of Factions and are ruled by their own geopolitical systems. Perhaps the most famous insular factions server was S.M.P. Earth, home to millions spread across strict yet changing national borders, before it became defunct (a multiplayer World who’s will for a Playerbase died out after it was previously inhabited by thousands, but was later abandoned and became lost to the multiverse).

Nevertheless, a vast majority of the Playerbase were Spawned as adults and made themselves either all alone or only with none-Player, World-bound inhabitants, collectively referred to as Non-Player-Characters.

Servers:

While every Player spawns in a World of their own, Player society has built up networks of servers called Hubs. These are public communities where thousands of Players could convene for any reason, although the Admin teams of these Networks often fashioned their spaces into Minigame Hubs, centers of public competition, commerce and sport. The most well-known example of these Hubs is the influential Hypixel Network, while an outlier in these is the MCC Network, a hybrid of a closed server up until Championship Day once per year when the spectator arenas are open for public attendance of the games.

Origins:

No one knows where the legends came from, but it said that the first two Players were named Alex Mine and Steve Craft. It says that they each had their own Worlds, but Steve invented the first Interface and met Alex in her own world. It is unknown what happened to them, but it is often agreed that they died and the gods took their souls and scattered shards of them across all the Worlds. With each Player, they would spawn with perfect versions of Steve’s creations so that they could traverse Worlds and meet with each other. The next Players to have Spawned after Alex and Steve were named Sunny, Efe, Noor, Zuri, Ari, Makena, and Kai. Over thousands of following years, billions of Players spawned; each of their own beings being born out of tiny sparks of the first Players’ conjoined souls.

Death:

Admins hold power over the circumstances of death in their Worlds. By default, Worlds without Admins—such as singleplayer ones, or Worlds without anything but an Admin, such as Creative ones—or Worlds where the Admins haven’t changed it, are under Infinite re-spawn (at least once a Player solidifies their life via their first bed). However, some worlds can be set to Hardcore, where a Player only has one life and will die permanently, or some rare worlds may have a set amount of times a Player can re-spawn before perma-death; a count judged by the Admin.

Players do not age; they bare the appearance most fitting to their personality and their health on the inside is the same. Only in rare scenarios can Players become disabled via injury, usually if there is a glitch in their re-spawn or if they were hurt badly in their First Night (those who do suffer either of those, though, are expected to be given a high level of respect for managing to survive through it). All Players, such as all living beings in Minecraft, are functionally immortal until killed (N.P.C.s) or perma-killed (Players). No one knows what happens after death, but the transition of souls in governed by the Goddess of Death.

The most common belief is that a dead N.P.C.’s soul will reincarnate into a new Player, via their soul being combined with a shard of Alex and Steve, which may possibly influence what kind of hybrid the Player becomes. However, in the case of the deceased souls of Players, they are guided by Lady Death through the void until they, as a disembodied voice, latch onto a living Player they find fun or entertaining. This is how some Players gain Chats, ranging from a few voices to thousands of them. The living Player is the only one who can understand the voices, and they collectively manifest in a way often relevant to the Player’s own species, or possibly their relationship to the gods.

Deities:

There are many gods that preside over the Multiverse, but they are often grouped into:

The Prime, primordial deities who are the manifestations of natural things or abstract concepts, such as War, Nature, Death, Ocean, Chaos, Fortune, Competition, etc.

and The Presiders. It is said that these collectively are the patrons of Playerkind; the mysterious beings who created Alex and Steve as curious experiments after the Prime completed the initial building of the Worlds (initial, because the multiverse’s building is never complete. New additions to the Worlds are introduced often, courtesy of the Prime). They are the ones who scattered Steve and Alex’s souls to create the Playerbase, and they preside over the Players to this day.

However, the Presiders are split, due to their own past of Civil War—the inciters of which is unknown, but it is theorized that the break was due to a disagreement over their treatment of the Players.

Now, they are divided between two rival hiveminds, the Watchers and the Listeners. While Players call themselves by the name that the Prime use to refer to those who inhabit their Game, the Presiders collectively call them The Speakers, making them the last piece of their triumvirate.

One thing that all of the deities do, is find interest in certain Players. The Prime may choose champions; people they bless with their presence, who they speak to through a Chat, and who they recruit as their own voices amongst the Playerbase.

The Prime chooses champions, but Players cannot join their ranks as deities. However, the Presiders do not take champions; instead they can transform Players into their kin—whether willingly or not. They additionally hold the ability to choose one amongst their own to send down into the Game; in such a scenario the chosen Presider will become a Player while there, retaining their own power of Watching or Listening, but cut off from their kin until they return to the void.

tysm for reading :3

[mo-ondial]

so like . if i were to write the minecraft movie.

controversial but i wouldn't make it blocks - i would have it be 3d animated to be visibly low poly and pixelated but with really pretty shading. the greenery would be 2d but folded and wrapped around like paper, and it would sway as the characters clip through it.

it'd follow a sheltered princess (i'd name her jean) of an empire at the brink of collapse whose parents were just assassinated. the kingdom would be the classic forest biome and its subjugated territories would be all different peoples from different biomes. her best friend, her maid's daughter, would be from one of the territories, and it wouldn't be until after her parents died that the princess discovered her "best friend" was just being paid to be nice to her and resented her just as much as everyone else in the kingdom after their whole childhood of being treated as lesser and isolated from her colonized homeland.

she would turn to religion and then to academia for answers. the religion would have hints about being based on code and featuring a divine creator who wrote the code of the universe, opposed by an evil software bug that they're trying to do rituals to ward off.

the software bug is, to our main characters' dismay, a zombie apocalypse that no one managed to tell her about because the royal family was doing everything they could to only protect themselves and ignore everything that was happening (hence the assassination). our princess is dismayed by the weight of the bad deeds she inherited.

academia mostly arrived at the same conclusions as religion. our princess learns more of what the virus is doing to the world - what to her is textured actual grass is reduced to rigid, identical cubes. strange creatures spring out of the darkness and antagonize citizens. it's spreading everywhere.

she tries to help, but the situation is too far gone. it's spreading everywhere. the people don't trust her, for good reason. she can't do anything anyways.

palace academics were hired to transport the entirety of the home kingdom to somewhere new, somewhere empty, it's become dire enough that they're following their protocol and the princess is kidnapped back. the magic used is turning everything sick and red and on fire.

she escapes back to the dying world. it's too late, for everything. everythings reducing down into cubes. zombies are wandering everywhere and everyone is getting sick. over the course of the movie it's become more obvious that our protagonist is pregnant. she's beginning to fall ill as well.

she inspects the machinery used to teleport her home country for anywhere to safely have a baby in this hopeless world.

she has her child and places him in some kind of pod emanating magic. she tries to apologize to him, for being born into a dying world. she wishes he could live somewhere nicer, that he could rebuild it, she wishes he could have some kind of hope that she doesn't.

dazed and confused it becomes harder to tell what's going on. the machinery was leaking energy and she was somewhere unfamiliar, full of strange creatures, chained down by her guilt made physical. she's turning into a dragon as she's begging for peace.

back where she left her baby, the broken machinery is returning to the earth over the course of what may be hundreds of years. her baby remains safe in an orb of magic inside of which he's slowly growing up. until finally, the orb pops and drops him out.

minecraft steve wakes up in a new world. looks around. and punches a tree

[notcoru]

Minecraft Movie Happened

I saw the Minecraft Movie.

Very evocative of the Mario movie in that it's so lazy in every aspect, to the point of having the shortest runtime possible for a feature film, that you're left wondering if you really saw a movie at all, or merely a movie-equivalent: an assemblage of features one might expect to see in a movie, but with no unifying creative vision to make sense of it. There was the scene where the kids argue, and where the arrogant guy learns to work together with the others, and the scene where the bad guy says don't be creative and focus on making money but then the kids defeat them. Scenes you'd expect to see in a movie, but there's no connecting tissue or emotional weight. The suggestion of character arcs or themes is only made out of obligation, and often with an ironic tone. This ambivalence toward the idea of telling a story makes the experience of watching the film rather dreamlike.

The Minecraft movie is a movie in the sense that trailers 1, 2 and 3 were a TV show. Actually, much of the movie was directed like a trailer for itself. Some parts are trailers for hypothetical other Minecraft movies that would have been better than the one they actually made (such as the hypothetical isekai where Jack Black wakes up in Minecraft and fucks around with his pet dog, or the hypothetical rom-com between an ordinary woman and a Minecraft villager).

When I went to the cinema, there were two separate families on opposite ends of the room, each individually consisting of only adults, save for one baby each. These babies were rather distressed by the noise, and early on I thought their crying might be diagetic. Did they come because they thought the baby would like it, or because they wanted to see it themselves and they didn't feel the need to get a sitter?

I saw the movie with my sister. I think she wanted to see it because of the memes. She saw them, repeated them out loud, and then said the movie was good afterward. With kids it's hard to tell if they have low standards or if they just don't know what enjoying a movie feels like so they say any movie they didn't hate was good.

When Steve said the Chicken Jockey line, several audience members began applauding. That's a joke, but it also really happened.

7/10 script could have used a second draft.

[catermeow]

Okay so I watched the minecraft movie with some friends and. I have thoughts. I'm putting them under a cut in case anyone cares about spoilers and because I suspect this'll be pretty long.

Okay so to give the movie a little bit of grace I saw it the evening I came back from a three day competition/convention, so I was exhausted, sore, and very very drained, so very much not in the mood for the kind of tone it was going for. I don't think I would have enjoyed it more under different circumstances but I might have had more fun laughing at it and would have been less critical

The movie was thoroughly unenjoyable, but! let's start with the positives.

The bit at the end where the sorceress keeps trying to stab Steve was actually kind of funny. One of like 2 times during the whole movie where I laughed. The other one was the 'Frodo vibes' joke

Some of the wide shots, both on earth and the overworld, are actually really pretty and I could see how nice this movie would have been if it had tried harder

I do like the piglin designs for the most part

The enderman lore is kinda interesting. Personally I don't care for it but I'm sure someone could do something cool with it

Having the whole theater cheering during quotes from the trailer was kinda fun. I give the movie no credit for this though

I like how devoted they made Steve and Dennis. Accurate to a lot of players and pretty sweet

On to complaints! I'm gonna separate them into different categories, starting with:

General

These are just general complaints that don't fit under any other category. First of all, I didn't like that literally every one of our protagonists is struggling financially. I don't go to the minecraft movie to think about capitalism. I don't want to worry about economic stability in my escapism, so that was annoying. Steve having two elytra but complaining about having almost died to get a single ender pearl was odd. Being able to craft literally anything from real world items could have been really interesting but it got completely brushed over. Having the piglins view a cube shape as an orb but then calling humans roundlings was strange, and both of those things are fine on their own, but together it's like. Can they perceive circles or not. It's not even like the Orb would have been an orb to them anyways, since ender pearls are much more round. The game shop dude was also a jerk, and then he showed up and saved the kid from dying and the movie acted like he was redeemed now. Like no buddy, that's the bare minimum, do better. Also why is that thing called an earth crystal, it's not really a crystal and it's barely from the earth, and also it's very processed by now. Why do the pillagers have an extra one. Also, biggest lie of the movie is that mansion chests have anything in them. And at the end Dennis is going to go with the real estate lady to change her life like he did Steve's, except she has so many other dogs now? So Dennis can just stay with Steve? Also what could he have done anyway? Very confusing. I feel like casting could have been done better also, because that guy just does not look like a Steve. Frankly I think there are too many characters in general. I also don't like the idea that creativity should only be rewarded if it's useful, which seems to underline a lot of this story.

Bigotry

There wasn't anything horribly insensitive to my knowledge, but there were a few bits that felt a bit off. Whitewashing Steve is of course the big one that people were talking about all the way when the trailer came out. There was a bit of fatphobia and ableism as well, with a 'have you lost weight' comment and a focus shot of a piglin getting hit in the stomach that read as trying to gross out the audience with body fat, and then the main villain was the only visibly disabled character (also note that the disability was not present during her 'sympathetic backstory' flashback). The treatment of that principal lady(?) was a bit weird as well, it reminded me of people making fun of women for not performing femininity well enough/performing it in the 'wrong' way. Then the whole thing with Steve and the game shop dude is so clearly queerbaiting, and not in the 'we can't do more because of censors' way. Also, having the ending lesson be 'yeah you were struggling under a capitalistic system and were finally able to find a safe space where you could express yourself freely, but that's actually a Bad Thing and you should go back to the real world and just tough it out until things get better. You just weren't trying hard enough :)' seems thoughtless at best and malicious at worst. Overall, enough things stuck out to me as insensitive and 'why would you put this in a kids movie of all things' that it kind of took me out of the story.

Comedy

Almost all of the comedy in this movie sucked. It's so clear that they were trying really really hard to be funny but they failed so badly. Like I said before, there was only like two bits that I thought were actually funny in the whole thing. The 'as a child, I yearned for the mines' joke at the start was a bit disappointing, because that joke has been told so many times before, and it felt like the people in charge desperately trying to relate to the minecraft community by going 'look! see, we know what your jokes are! we can do them too!' but it just feels wrong. Like a corporate sanitization of what makes minecraft enjoyable. Which kind of sums up the whole movie actually. Then there were the designs for the passive mobs, which I can tell were only like that for a cheap joke and trailer appeal. There was also that one piglin, Chungus I think his name was (which also feels like a bad attempt at being hip with the kids). He comes on with a deep roar and then clears his throat and sounds like a regular guy, both in tone of voice and in word choice. This is funny for about one sentence, and then it gets old very quickly, especially since this guy is actually supposed to be at least a bit intimidating. The jokes through the whole movie are either cheap, tacky, and stick around way too long (the passive mobs and the voice bit), or very tonally clashing and completely ruin the stakes of the scene (the gay joke during the ghast chase scene, everything Steve and game shop dude were doing in the woodland mansion).

Visuals

Of course everybody has been making fun of the pink sheep for ages now, but the entire movie just looked really off. Everything looked so fake, and I get that there's only so much you can do when working with real people in a world like minecraft, but still. The props looked so wrong, like the kind of thing I would expect from maybe a stage production where they'll be seen from a distance and don't need to look good up close. Also they did a really bad job of making the weapons and armor look like they were actually dangerous or like they had any weight to them. They looked more like those plastic versions we have here, which really doesn't work on screen. Also, I didn't notice this myself, but one of my friends said the greenscreen was really bad in some places. Overall the whole thing looked very cheap and plasticy for a movie that clearly had plenty of money to throw around.

Plot

The whole storyline felt kind of forced and random, and there were never really any stakes. It felt like the characters were kind of just wandering around aimlessly, even though they did have a goal. Like they need to go to the woodland mansion to replace the thing they broke, but it's dangerous so they need to get armor. Okay. Except Steve is supposed to be stealing the Orb, and even if he doesn't want to do that, which he says he doesn't, he would still do it anyway to protect Dennis, which is why he's out of the nether in the first place, so why is he doing any of this. Then they get to the village and get attacked, and Steve acts like the sorceress betrayed him, which is kind of true except she did want him dead anyways he was just useful, but since he's not stealing the Orb he's not. Except she doesn't know that! As far as she knows he's still working for her! So why is she doing this if supposedly he's better for her alive? Then they get split up and go to the mansion, except they didn't grab any of the stuff for some reason so they're defenseless, and then whatever happens there goes on. Very confusing sequence all around. Then game shop dude gets a fakeout death, except it really doesn't feel like they even tried. It does not feel like a character died, in-story or out, and I didn't even realize they were trying to do a death scene until after because there aren't any stakes. After that it mostly makes sense until the end, with the aforementioned lesson about going back to the real world. As for the piglin side of things, no major complaints except for the backstory the sorceress gets. That was completely unnecessary, added nothing to the story, and she didn't even get redeemed so it's not like it was an attempt at making her seem less evil for a redemption arc. It's just 'oh she was nice and there was peace and love on planet piglin, but then she got treated badly about her creative expression so now she's evil and somehow also in charge of everyone'. It made the story worse.

Conclusion

This movie is so, so disappointing. There's so much wasted potential. It completely misses the point of minecraft, spending almost no time on exploration or the wonder of this new world. They talk about creativity a lot but creativity is the solution to maybe three problems in the whole movie. The wide shots are good enough that I can so clearly see what it could have looked like if they had actually cared about this. None of the joys of minecraft are actually focused on. Plenty of people have talked about that though, since that was pretty clear just from the trailer. The part that's less immediately obvious is the lessons it could have told. I was complaining earlier about not wanting to think about the horrors of capitalism in my escapism media, but it could have had such good themes! Having the villain be someone taught to dislike creativity by a system that rejects it, having the protagonists all be creative people struggling under a system that does not allow them to survive that way, having this world be one of endless creativity waiting to be explored... this could have been a really impactful message about societal problems, but instead this movie is a joke that fails in almost every way and then tells the audience that the solution to their problems is to just try harder. Any sincerity the movie could have had is sacrificed for a cheap laugh and the belief that they could make a profit off this by marketing it to children, who apparently don't deserve meaningful storytelling. It manages to side with its own villain, disallowing any real creative expression and becoming a pile of corporate, sanitized slop. This movie is a disappointment, and not worth the time it takes to watch it.

[harveythewendigo]

So my autism kicked in and a random thought came to mind. could Minecraft Steve survive in the Fallout universe?

Like actually surviving in the world, no respawning, no creative mode, no unlimited carry weight via infinitely stacking chests inside of other chests. Just base Steve with no exploits or commands to help him.

I'm thinking no he wouldn't or at least he would struggle. Sure he's strong but combat wise he would not survive anything except the most basic encounters. Take feral ghouls for example, Now I know that Steve has fought zombies but ghouls are different. essentially imagine fighting a Zombie in Minecraft that moves as fast as you can sprint. sounds like a pain right? Now try fighting six at the same time in a cramped underground subway tunnel or the narrow hallways of an office building. Another example is the iron golem. Think about it when is the last time you killed a golem with a sword or axe without standing on a small tower blocks, standing just far enough away to where he can't hit you but you can hit him? Probably never. So imagine trying to Kill an iron golem but he has two mini guns for hands! That's what fighting a Sentry bot would be like. Not even a firework crossbow would help Steve because the sheer firepower of the robot would shred him before he could do any damage. And don't even get me started on Deathclaws! TLDR Minecraft Steve would be screwed if he was in fallout.

[therealmrrobinson]

A MINECRAFT MOVIE Movie Review

Similar to how the 2000s was the beginning of a new era of comic book movies, the 2020s are starting to establish a new era for video game adaptations. These projects always had the distinction of being utterly terrible and were often made with zero understanding of the source material. Nowadays, things are starting to change with shows like The Last Of Us and movies like Sonic The Hedgehog 3, which I will continue to declare as the best video game movie that we have! That doesn’t mean bad adaptations aren’t still being made. Five Nights At Freddy’s might have worked for fans of those games (that are too young to be playing them to begin with), but as a movie it is quite terrible, and unfortunately the same thing applies to Minecraft.

THE GOOD

It’s hard to really explain what works with this movie considering that the negatives far outweigh the positives. One thing that can be said is that it certainly captures the look of the games. The VFX and design team does a great job at taking a bunch of characters made out of blocks and translating them into a live-action esthetic. The quality of the visual effects is often questionable, but it’s more excusable since a majority of the movie takes place in the Overworld.

This leads into another positive about the film. It doesn’t pull a Masters of the Universe where it takes the characters out of the Overworld and puts them into the real world. The only time spent in the real world is to establish the movie, its main characters, and occasionally to focus on a pointless and cringeworthy subplot involving Jennifer Coolidge.

THE BAD

Sadly the rest of the movie ranges from uninspired (ironic for a movie about a game that inspires creativity) to downright irritating. Jack Black’s performance as Steve is basically him playing the crazy, rock n’ roll Jack Black that he’s been playing his entire career. Every single line he delivers is without an ounce of subtlety, which isn’t aways a bad thing, but again Jack Black has done this in almost every movie since School of Rock and it gets really old, really quickly. The actor who gets top billing in this film is actually Jason Momoa as Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison. Like with Jack Black, he’s basically playing the same character he plays in every movie, and both he and Steve have a rivalry throughout the entire film. It’s the same tired rivalry where both character try to one up each other and prove who’s the bigger man that we’ve seen done better in so many other films. It’s just as tiring as ever, though it is a bit refreshing to see Jack Black play the more competent one of the group and not the straight up comic relief.

The rest of the characters are very vague and have nothing to offer. Danielle Brooks and Emma Myers are perhaps the two best characters because they have the most appropriate reactions to being in this world. Emma Myers’ acting however is very flat as is Sebastian Hansen as her brother. Their relationship is meant to be the main anchor of the film, but has no weight due to a combination of terrible performances, an unfocused script, and some very choppy editing. The editing in this movie is so bad that major events will happen that affect the characters, only for the movie to pretend like it never happened.

The biggest sin that this movie commits is that it’s categorized as an adventure comedy, but it’s not funny. The jokes are lazy, but the movie is convinced that it’s funnier than it actually is. That’s ultimately what pushes the movie to the brink of irritation. Nothing is worse than a comedy that tries to make you laugh and fails. After a while, you just want it to end.

OVERALL

Is this among the worst video game adaptations? No, it isn’t. This isn’t as appalling as Borderlands was from last year. It does have decent production value and captures the look of the source material. It’s just the end result is terrible. It’s boring, irritating, and does not help the reputation of video game adaptations. Based on the audience I saw it with, this was a movie made for the Minecraft fans, but I can’t imagine it will be enjoyable for anyone who hasn’t played the games.

RATING

DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY

[crancakes]

Crafting a Crafting Table

I made my own crafting table! Also had fun putting some special touches on it. I'll ramble about the details under the cut + show some sketches I had.

Shoutout to @fawnpawn because their crafting table post got me inspired.

So initially, I wanted to make a Minecraft cosplay of some sort. I love the game and the community, but I didn't know if I wanted to be a specific content creator or other. I settled on making Alex/Steve designs as a starting point.

Originally, I wanted to make the crafting table a bag, similar to what @/fawnpawn had. Ultimately, I decided it was something I could add later if I wanted. The first two images below were the first sketches I made in 2022. The crafting table would be an actual functional bag, where the top could slide off.

I had a mini cardboard prototype which I lost the sliding component to...it was fun to play around with it while it lasted.

So! The materials I used were as follows:

Cardboard

Hot Glue

Acrylic Paint

Chipboard (1/8" thick) (these were the vertical strips of wood on the sides)

Corkboard

Stick

The other details (like the seed packet and rope) were coin envelopes and scrap fabric. These were also free materials I snagged from a community material bin since I don't have the means to buy foam or actual wood.

The entire process was very scuffed.

I made the base of the box with cardboard. It isn't an exact square because I was too tired to measure properly (it's like 60 cm x 63 cm). I added more standing cardboard inside so it can hold weight at top

I then painted some parts on the outside with maroon/dark purple paint. This was for the parts showing between the "wooden planks" on the outside. All that was left to paint was the top grid which is admittedly off-center. shhhhhhhhh

et voila, box head

The tools were painted with kind of a Borderlands style. I thought it'd look cool and make it look more interesting than keeping it minecraft-accurate. I also used silver metallic paint so they're shiny :D

The sides of the crafting table still felt empty, even with the tools, so I added some in-game items for fun. I also wanted to add some mention of some content creators I enjoy, hence the Philza and Technoblade pins (and the checkered pattern for BajanCanadian lol).

Overall, I had a lot of fun with this. I don't know if I'll ever finish the full cosplay, but thanks for reading the ramble ;>

[lil-ms-dipst]

@perphella

Along with anybody else who wants to see my MC Merch, well most of it, here it is! This isn't all of it since some is lost in storage, I'm sure I'll find it all when I switch rooms.

10 year anniversary llama, bee plush, bee squishy, golden zombie plush, allay night light thing, glowsquid plush (glows in the dark wehehe)

Pig plush, little creeper plush, creeper plush, a lamp in the shape of a honeycomb block with a bee dangler, a warden figurine which lights up and makes sounds, and an axolotl plush

An enderdragon plush, a little enderdragon plush, a little enderman, a mooshroom baby, a turtle, and a tiny turtle plush.

Enderman, creeper, and llama 2018 winter figurines, two surprise put together kits of an enderman and a wolf, and a bunch of mystery figurines including a snow golem, pigmen coming out of a portal, spider jockey, a person in a minecart, an angry enderman holding a pumpkin, a bee, an axolotl, and a piglin

A bunch of metal figurines which have a pillager, wolf, wandering trader, zombie horse, black cat, llama, brown sheep, fox, steve, iron golem, mc dungeons player, mc dungeons player 2, witch, loot pig, enderman, mc dungeons player 3, arch illager, vindicator, another pillager, mc dungeons player 4, mc dungeons player 5, another fucking mc dungeons player, a creeper, a skeleton with a glaive and shield, another vindicator, another mc dungeons player, glowsquid, another creeper, normal squid, zombie, alex, another wandering trader, goat, orange (or I suppose yellow) axolotl, skeleton, pink axolotl, and another goat.

Should also say I have Minecraft bed stuff! A whole bed set, another one, an MC earth body pillow, a weighted blanket, like 3 different throw blankets, and a beach towel. I also have shirts.

[sloughingoff]

It's inherently hollow corporate schlock designed to leech off of your nostalgia with catchphrases and corny lines that they're banking on being funny in five years.

It's utterly derivative, polished to perfection yet somehow still covered in filth, cut down to size into such an ungainly shape as to be absolutely indigestible and filled with so many contradictory and outright cancelling flavors as to be completely bland.

Jack Black is the face of it. His only true contribution to the film is existing as such an openly blunt declaration of what audience demographic it's attempting to throw deep on that it beggars belief, let alone any form of adoration or campy sentiment.

You want a summary? Here, I'll give you one now.

Microsoft has been gunning for capitalising on the mountainous monopoly they have on a significant portion of the world's population's worth of childhood memories by pairing it with kitschy celebrity cameos and brand IP's to make an ubergazzillion fuckatillion more imaginary dollaridoos on merchandising just like they have with every other aspect of Minecraft as a product because their only goal is to watch a line go up.

At no point in the production of this reanimated and reheated microwave corpse was it ever intended to be of any consumable quality, merely shooting for consumable as a base and entirely focusing on making it as consumable as possible.

It's a nest egg hydra's head's chimera of profit incentives, cut corners, capitalization, imaginary riches and closed door board meetings where everyone shakes hands, smiles knowingly and lies to each other about just how great this will be while they pocket industrial factory weight's worth piles of cash on lunch boxes, action figures, skins, games and whatever else they can throw the names and faces on as the malformed tree of greed grows, grows, and grows.

They know it will not be good. It does not have to be good. This won't so much as make any company's bottom line fucking twitch. It just has to make money exchange hands.

And it has.

Don't contribute. Don't bother watching. Don't put your eyes on it for the sake of finding out how bad it is.

It's bad.

There's no use to coming up with justifications for interacting with something that inherently resists any form of artistic interpretation or critique by being so absolutely incoherently dedicated to a profit margin that it speaks volumes in its diluted nihilism.

This movie is not a ham fist. It's the corpse of a dead rotting boar on a stick being enticingly waved before you with a cartoonish boxing glove on a spring hiding directly behind it.

It's the Minecraft movie. The most charitable take you could possibly pull from it is that it is a burning rotten ship of theseus, built from the bones of your nostalgia into the shape of an oil rig with a pale skinned Minecraft steve's face flying on a pristine untouched flag above it.

It's the Minecraft movie.

The Minecraft. Movie.

It's bad.

Don't bother.

So we all mocked the Minecraft movie and agreed to not give it money...only for y'all to immediately go see it?

[cheeseandbretboy]

life current

beautiful experience watching minecraft movie, enderman hat on, full cinema of maybe 300 people cheering and applauding, the movie theatre experience has not fully died after covid and i am happi, thank god

give up somewhat on school and it is ok i am not feel much i am just give up a bit and that is ok bc i will go back to it next term and complete all assignment and it will be very great and fun and i will sigh so much

think abt animal industry is destroy me and i need to channel it into activism i must actually do something because i have never cared about something this deeply it is the most horrifying most grotesque most unbelievable shit ive witnessed and it keeps getting worse i cannot stop thinking about it because of how awful and actually going in to slaughterhouse or farm will strengthen that but at least my energy will be going toward a cause

must also write lots and literature lots language is beautiful and crafting a story is the most difficult thing ever im writing now and its awful but at least im getting the habit and im excited for the next project, probably after i get to 10k words or so, just when things wrap up for the book but im not sure, im nearly 6k words in and what is there to write about it has no plot no nothing, nothing driving anything, it is just horrible in a great way and hopefully next project will be meaningful and good

workout is consistent climbing is not but that is quite ok

sigh it is such lonely sometimes and i am love being alone i have learned to love it because that is the only person u can ever truly know but like sister said it is isolating and it is lonely and it is make u feel crazy and hopeless

big plant is dying smaller plants too i guess but avocados are sprout a bit and tomatoes are grow and some insect has eaten lots of my basil! i am hope they enjoyed it thoroughly bc they were very bright very tasty leaves.. father nearly lawnmowed sweet potato vine and passionfruit is climbing over to our neighbours!

nothing ever has been stuck in my head for this long and this strongly it is time to put it to good use

tomorrow is relax and climb and weights and look for groups online and start student experiments for fizik and bio and read lots and find how to get to work on holidays and go to sleep early and write lots and think about lit fictional text about themes and about black comedies about cognitive dissonance and consider self improvement as i do like a couple times a week or something bullet journal and start meditating before bed in fact i will do that tonight what is stopping me! nothing!

i

am steve

[fandom]

Top 22 of 2022

It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for, folks. Fifty-two weeks of cold hard data measuring original posts, likes, reblogs, and searches, weighted and ranked. And it all ultimately comes down to this: not only is Stranger Things the #1 topic on Tumblr over this last year of data, but fans posted so much about Eddie Munson and Steve Harrington that they also made the list of Top Things.

Meanwhile, season 2B of the beloved animated series The Owl House aired, along with the first episode of the final season, which turned out to be a rollercoaster of coming out joy and absolute heartbreak. Evergreen favorites Critical Role’s Bells Hells, a mix of familiar and new faces, have spent the year adventuring around Marquet. And we don’t talk about Bruno, no, no, no, but Encanto fans sure do. 

On the MCYT front, several new Minecraft SMP servers provided a ton of content for MCYT fans, treating them to new stories and character dynamics. This year was also marked by mourning as the community grieved the passing of one of their own—the popular streamer Technoblade. 

In other gaming news, Pokémon Legends: Arceus and Pokémon Scarlet and Violet have players catchin’ and battlin’ away. And over the past year, Deltarune players stocked up on bananas, while Genshin Impact players hoarded primogems to wish for their favorite banner characters. 

Back on the small screen, folks have had a lot of emotions about the very gay pirate show Our Flag Means Death and the (somewhat sapphic) League of Legends animated series Arcane. House of the Dragon took us back to Westeros and really leaned into “complicated family dynamics,” while “complicated shipping dynamics” was the theme for Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir. And between Battinson and Batman: Wayne Family Adventures, it was a big year for a character with some serious emotional issues.

Finally, aesthetic bloggers rejoice! Cottagecore and Dark Academia are both on here. Halloween was big, which makes sense because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Of course, this list wouldn’t be complete without BTS—some things don’t change. And to round us out, please remember to like, reblog, and thank our resident Artists on Tumblr, who continue to nourish us and our dashboards with their incredible creations. This is Tumblr’s Year In Review.

Stranger Things

The Owl House

Artists on Tumblr

Critical Role

Encanto

MCYT

Pokémon

Eddie Munson | Stranger Things

Our Flag Means Death

Deltarune

The Dream SMP Minecraft Server

Cottagecore

Star Wars

Arcane

Genshin Impact

House of the Dragon

Dark Academia

Batman | The DC Universe

Steve Harrington | Stranger Things

Halloween

BTS

Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir

[mleemwyvern]

Vote Joe Hills for MCYTblr Sexyman!

- his minecraft skin is basically just steve with an @ shirt. fanart of him is Not That.

- massive cryptid energy

- gets eldritched very consistently

- ran for a position he made up and won in a landslide

- built a functional model of the evergiven in minecraft

- friend of the gays

- gender (uses all pronouns)

- conquered death

- has way less subscribers than wilbur and still won. he is punching far above his weight in this poll

- joehills fans are like. the most dedicated fanbase i have ever seen

- has been posting shirtless pictures of himself on tumblr

- blazed the swimming pool video

- camapigning for himself SO hard. gotta admire the dedication

- has multiple ghostly alter egos that he becomes when he gets enough donations on stream

- look at the beetlejhost and tell me thats not a sexyman. you cannot.

[cherryc1nnam0n]

Masterlist

Navigation:

** Means there's smut or NSFW

° Means fluff

~ Means humor

• Means angst

! Means dark

~• Personal Works (Original Stories and Characters) •~

Evil Born

The Queen's true love | +18 °**

Top men I love and why

Stardew Valley

~• Harvey •~

Honeymoon | Sdv Harvey x FEM!Reader **

Five Nights at Freddy's

~• Mike Schmidt •~

Ride | Mike Schmidt x FEM!Reader **

Scream

~• Billy Loomis •~

Eat me | Billy Loomis x FEM!Reader **

~• Ethan Landry •~

She can't know | Ethan Landry x FEM!Reader

Before you go, baby | Dark!Ethan Landry x Afab!Reader **!

Never let you go, baby | Dark!Ethan Landry x Afab!Reader !

You entered the wrong house, pretty boy! | Ghostface!Ethan Landry x FEM!Reader **!

The Boy

~• Brahms Heelshire •~

Separation anxiety | AFAB!Reader x Brahms Heelshire **°

Mommy's good boy | Brahms Heelshire x AFAB!Reader **

Marvel

~• Loki •~

The God and the Cat | Loki x Reader •°

The Copycat | Mutant!Reader x Avenger!Loki •°

Beautiful | Plus Size!Reader x Loki •°**

Finding a way to your heart | Plus Size!Reader x Loki •°

The Goddess of Love that lacks self love | Plus Size!Reader x Brother!Thor and Brother!Loki •°

I'll love you no matter what | Plus Size!Reader x Jotunn!Loki •°

The Avenger who is a YouTuber? | Plus Size!Reader x Avenger!Loki °

Why you gotta be so rude? | Plus Size!Reader x Loki •°

I can explain! | Plus Size!Reader x Avenger!Loki •°~

Sleeping with the enemy | Plus Size!Villain!Reader x Avenger!Loki °**

Let's have a baby | Fem!Reader x Loki °**

The Norse God and the Greek Goddess | Loki x GreekGoddess!Reader (coming soon) °**

•Series:

Stockholm Syndrome | Fem!Reader x Mafia Boss!Loki •°** (PAUSED)

Stranger Things

~• Jim Hopper •~

Daddy's good girl | Jim Hopper x FEM!Reader **

Dad's not home | Modern!Eddie Munson x AFAB!Reader x Stepdad!Jim Hopper **

~• Eddie Munson •~

Eddie Munson Hc's | NSFW **

Brother Jealousy | Billy Hargrove x Reader | Brother!Eddie x Reader °

What they're like as dads | Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Billy Hargrove | Hc's °

Creampie from another man | Fem!Reader x Eddie Munson, Fem!Reader x Husband!Billy Hargrove **•

You belong to us | Venom!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader **

I can change him... | Fuckboy!Eddie Munson x FEM!Reader •**

Breeding season | Best boys (Steve, Billy, Eddie) x FEM!Reader **°

Nasty Stepbro | Stepbro!Eddie Munson x AFAB!Reader **

Nasty Stepbro, not again! | Stepbro!Eddie x AFAB!Reader **

Nasty stepbro, but third time's the charm | Stepbro!Eddie x AFAB!Reader **

Why won't you fuck me?! | Stepbro!Eddie x FEM!Reader **

Heats with Alpha!Eddie Munson **

Ride your hubby | Eddie Munson x FEM!Reader

Use me like your toy | Stepbro!Eddie Munson x FEM!Reader **

A rose for you | Modern!Eddie Munson x AFAB!Reader **

It's feeling scared not horny | Scare actor!Eddie Munson x Afab!Reader **

Coffee for your head | AFAB!Reader x Eddie Munson •**

Caught in 4K | Eddie Munson x FEM!Reader **

The weight of a lie | Fem!Reader x Steve Harrington, Fem!Reader x Ex!Eddie Munson •°**

More Eddie HC's **

On Film | Fem!Reader x Camboy!Eddie Munson

Morning wood | Eddie Munson x FEM!Reader **

•Blurbs:

Badinfluence!Eddie Munson **

Let me go... | Stranger Things Season 5 by Kalina Selenne •

Eddie horny thoughts **

How they top | Best Boys **

Letting Eddie breed you **

Eddie eats you out while playing Minecraft **

Another Eddie blurb **

CNC Eddie blurb **

Slutty Eddie **

Eddie and his excessive cumming **

Running away from Eddie's schlong **

Match your freak **

•Series:

Your Beauty Never Ever Scared Me | Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader | Corpse Bride AU •°** [Finished]

Thank you for calling... | Modern!Eddie Munson x CSR!AFAB!Reader | Modern!Bank Customer Service Advisor!AU °•** {On Going}

~• Billy Hargrove •~

Brother Jealousy | Billy Hargrove x Reader | Brother!Eddie x Reader °

What they're like as dads | Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Billy Hargrove | Hc's °

Creampie from another man | Fem!Reader x Eddie Munson, Fem!Reader x Husband!Billy Hargrove **•

We just need to talk | Fem!Reader x Husband!Billy Hargrove •°**

Breeding season | Best boys (Steve, Billy, Eddie) x FEM!Reader °**

•Blurbs:

How they top | Best Boys **

~• Steve Harrington •~

What they're like as dads | Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Billy Hargrove | Hc's °

Illusion | Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader •

Breeding season | Best boys (Steve, Billy, Eddie) x FEM!Reader °**

The weight of a lie | Fem!Reader x Steve Harrington, Fem!Reader x Ex!Eddie Munson •°**

•Blurbs:

How they top | Best Boys **

Riding big dick!Steve **