#mine is same country same vibes which is kinda cool

[silverskye13]

you are the reason I like cowboys, I now listen to country music on the daily and it has taken over my life so I thank you for this. I grew up in a household that literally fucking hated country music(like it wasn't allowed in the house hate) so this is kind of like a awakening for me so ye :]

Welcome to the cowboy fields! Please receive your standard issue six-shooter, hunting knife and cowboy hat. Make sure all horses are picketed with access to their necessities.

You hit like, a major nerve about country music. Probably because it's 1am. And I just ran down the longest rabbit trail of nostalgia. So even though you didn't ask: here's a LOT of country music recs under the cut.

As someone who was raised on super patriotic post 9/11 pop-country music and then spent most of their adult life running away from it, I'm really envious you get access to it now that it's diversifying itself again! If you want some older (90s) recs, Shania Twain, LeeAnn Rimes and Keith Urban used to be favorites of mine. Rascal Flatts was the only "boy band" I ever obsessed over, and their cover of "Life is a Highway" is always a banger.

Keith Urban's "Somebody Like You" and "Who Wouldn't Wanna Be Me" still make me think of sunny days gunning it down the highway on the way to visit family in North Carolina. "Would You Go With Me" by Josh Turner is a love song I'm still hoping I find a love worthy of. It's also really hard to go wrong with Carrie Underwood. "Before He Cheats," is terrifying, amazing, powerful. "Blowing Smoke" by Kacey Musgrave is A Vibe. Miranda Lambert makes me think of my sister. She captures the same powerful-woman-murders-her-husband vibes as early Carrie Underwood, and "Mama's Broken Heart" was a favorite Im-having-a-mental-breakdown song for a lot of the girls in our high school. Reba McEntire's "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" is epic and unforgettable. "Suds in the Bucket" by Sara Evans is also very very good.

I'd also like to honorable mention: "Rain is a Good Thing" by Luke Bryan because I'm from semi-rural Indiana where we grow... A lot of corn. You understand a song about corn and whiskey would make every Indiana resident unironically turnt as hell. "I Loved Her First" by Heartland was played at every country wedding for a solid 5 years after it was released. "Going Through Hell (Before the Devil Even Knows You're There)" by Rodney Atkins was very inspirational the first 50 times I heard it on the radio. "Alright" by Darius Rucker blew me out of the water, because when I heard it first we used to watch the country music videos channel every day before school, and it was the first time I'd ever seen a black man singing country music and I cannot tell you how cool I thought he was.

I don't listen to much modern country music [does "Call Me By Your Name" count??]. After the early 2000s super-patriot-party-womanizer flavor of country took over, a lot of what I listen to instead is what's currently called "Folk", "Folk Rock" and "New Age Rock". Kinda captures what that sound and atmosphere of music used to be like before it got pop-ified. The Crane Wives, The Wailin' Jennies, Lord Huron, Colter Wall, and Barns Courtney are the closest I get to "Country music" these days.

If social justice is a thing you admire I Highly Highly recommend The Chicks. They pioneered the idea of disassociating country music from its southern pride/racist roots [and demonstrated it by dropping their very popular brand name, The Dixie Chicks]. They also pushed back against the uber-patriotism movement in the country music genre after 9/11, for which they were dropped from many, many venues and brand deals. They basically disappeared from the media overnight, because they took a stand against what they deemed to be an unjust upcoming war, and continue to work for social justice currently [you might've heard their song March March making rounds during the 2020 BLM movement. If you haven't, go listen to it, it's a bop.]

I hope you have fun exploring the genre! There's so much nostalgia for me there, and while there's definitely some controversy in it, there's also so many good people working to turn the genre back to something admirable again [imo]. :3

[updownlately]

Oh that’s cool, yo! I, too, am an “any sport” kinda person

I had a soccer stint for a few years, and a tennis stint at about the same time, and then i quit those for swimming which i did for like 7 years up until mid-high school level, and then i did track and cross country and now i do frisbee and a few others that i don’t count.

Which sports are your favorite? I know mine are different from like, watching to actually playing to just the overall vibes when I was in them.

- 🥏

damnnnn! you've got a whole spread! one man olympic team 😂

so basic but i absolutely love playing basketball and soccer but in terms of watching, i honestly currently prefer soccer rn. used to be a big nba/wnba fan but my interest in it kinda waned out as i fell out of the sport. you?

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + slightly burnt lion secondary (badger secondary model) (bird secondary model)

i hope you’re having an amazing day!! here’s my SHC dilemma:

i know my primary is lion, and it feels a little exploded, at that, but at least i know what’s up. but im still extremely confused about my secondary. i tried looking through other submissions, but i didn’t really find anything i vibed with 100%, but then again i have adhd and im really struggling going through all that text, it just kinda blurs together at some point

so, my secondary. taking the test, i always get burnt, often with a vague hint towards bird. at first i immediately adopted that and decided i was a burnt bird, but the more i go the less that feels right to me and i think it might be some sort of model.

Yeah. “doesn’t feel right.” Definitely see the Lion in your sorting.

working by elimination, im pretty certain im not a snake secondary. that ish doesn’t even sound real to me, i know there are people like this because i know a couple, but it’s just so weird to me that some people are just able to improvise so effectively, and seemingly change themselves like that, and they?? enjoy it?? it does sound dope, like i admire it, but wtf. 

Lion secondaries can get very *does not compute* when trying to get their head around Snake secondaries. I’m considering Lion for you. 

i do act differently in different situations or with different people, but i don’t think i have “personas” as much as degrees of awkwardness 

I see the burnt secondary. You’re definitely talking yourself down here. But the way you talk about “degrees of awkwardness” does make me think about the way Lion secondaries “change faces” by modulating intensity. 

depending on how much my anxiety is acting up, and the more anxious i am, the more i act like a doormat and revert to the proper manners i was taught, but like… that’s not me, and it’s not done on purpose, i don’t enjoy it. 

Looks like somebody’s got an unhealthy Badger secondary model.

it feels gross not to be able to act like myself, whatever the hell that is.

And you didn’t vibe with the Lion descriptions? This is the first time I’m reading though this and… very interested to get to the part where you talk about why you think you’re not a Lion. 

im also convinced im not a bagder - my mother is, and there are a lot of those in my community, so i was raised thinking that was the best way to be, an ideal to work towards, but it’s just not comfortable for me, i don’t wanna do it.

Yeah, this would that  unhealthy Badger secondary model you were talking about. ^

i don’t even think i *can* do it. i mean, “showing up and doing the work” is pretty hard with adhd, and not even the most efficient way of getting stuff done (at least for me), and thinking of the group and what i can do in that group is annoying. also i get that asking for help is important sometimes but it still feels like that’s just admitting i can’t figure out how to do it myself, which, yikes (don’t come at me i know it’s unhealthy)

Hey, breathe. It’s okay. Nobody is going to make you be a Badger secondary. Clearly you’ve spent enough time struggling under the weight of a model that doesn’t suit you, and now you’re pushing back against everything Badger extra hard. 

id rather find a group im a good fit for instead of molding myself to please others. 

See, that’s an exaggerated, caricatured way of conceptualizing how a Badger secondary works… but I’m not surprised that you think about it that way.

whatever i do, it needs to come from me.

… you’ve got a very loud Lion secondary. 

anyway im somewhere between lion and bird, and at first i thought i was a bird because i do in fact fricking love learning everything i can, i wouldn’t naturally call it “collecting”, i’m just doing whatever’s interesting in the moment

You mean you learn by improvising? :) Like a Lion? :) 

but sure, why not - i like collecting languages, knowledge about different cultures, books, music, space, countries, medicine, anything and everything, and i sometimes spend hours researching random stuff that im never actually gonna use “just in case im stranded in the wilderness and need to make soap” you feel? but it’s not actually because i think it might be useful (though i do get random bouts of anxiety over not knowing how to do certain stuff “in case” even though the probability id need them is infinitesimal).

Loving knowledge does not make you a Bird secondary. I’m hearing you talk about about a thing you do for fun, and - this is key - a thing you use as  a mechanism to cope with anxiety. ADHD can sometimes make you feel very scattered, going too fast, and your Bird is giving you [the illusion of] control. And I’m not going to knock that. The illusion of control is important. 

i just like knowing things and being able to use those things to do stuff. i wanna be “that guy” you can come to with the most obscure problem and they’d have some way of dealing with it. doesn’t that sound pretty bird?

Okay. Here’s the deal. You like Bird secondaries. You think they’re cool, and badass. Maybe you’d like to be one. But I’m still not at all convinced you are. I haven’t heard you use it to solve problems. 

but i can’t actually do that stuff. i think i used to, when i was a teenager? but depression and undiagnosed adhd kinda kicked my ass, among a few other things, and now i don’t really have the brain power for it and i feel like im not actually able to learn things as well, or to even think straight.

Wow. That is some burnt secondary talk. I can’t do things. 

(I promise you, people with ADHD have absurd brain power, and can learn things crazy well, although not in the same way as neurotypicals. You are right about not thinking straight, which I am interpreting as “in a straight line.” ADHD people think in webs and corkscrews and I love it.) 

 or if i did, i can’t learn as *many* things as i need to feel accomplished? which idk what you think but it kinda just sounds like burnt bird to me. 

Feeling like the secondary you have isn’t good enough can be a Burnt thing... but feeling like you need to manifest a specific secondary *more* (which is what this feels like) is usually a sign of a model. 

but here’s the thing. all of those sound real nice. and cool. and a good way of doing things, maybe even the “right” way, even though i know that’s subjective. but lion just feels more comfy, and idk if that’s because im a burnt bird modeling lion or if it’s smth else.

… you mean… like being… a Lion?

cause the “collecting skills and knowledge to solve problems” thing sounds cool, but it’s actually more just the first part that i vibe with? the part where i get to learn stuff! but when actually solving problems, i don’t usually think too long, i just vibe. i see where my instinct is taking me and i apply reason *after* that, or like, as a secondary, support thing. im not a dumbass either, im good at puzzles and logic problems, i can totally think things through and use my skills! but that’s not really how i approach problem-solving. i just jump into the situation and see what part of it is closest and start there, or what’s convenient, or what just feels right or nicer or whatever.

This is a perfect description of a Lion secondary with a supportive Bird model. Like a LOT of neurodivergent people (hi!) you built yourself some scaffolding using the Bird toolbox.

and on one hand it could be that im not confident in my skillset enough to do things the bird way, but on the other hand, thinking back to my childhood and teenage years, when i had better executive skills and i wasn’t as completely scatterbrained as i am I now (i was, but not as bad in some ways), i still did this? like, all of my major life decisions where made on the spot based on instinct and nothing else

I’m definitely seeing the Lion primary come though as well. 

whenever i have a problem of the interpersonal sort i just face it and talk to the person and don’t bother hiding or sugarcoating things even if it means hurting that person because i don’t want to lie or come off as something i’m not, when i need to work on a project i don’t bother planning, i just jump in and a strategy forms in an organic way as i go, you know what i mean? isn’t that what this “charging” business means?

Yes.

anyway i have no idea which one is a model and which one is actually mine. i love learning things but i don’t care about actually using them. i mean i like it, of course, but it’s whatever. planning is tedious and it kinda gives me validation because im meant to be “smart” and i guess planning is what smart people do, but it’s annoying and nothing ever goes exactly to plan anyway so you just have to pause and plan again or whatever, and that’s just so boring and frustrating??

I get that you like Bird secondaries, and I get that the picture of “smart person” in your head looks like a Bird secondary but just like… come on…

why not just do the damn thing?? and then what you have to do will be obvious anyway?? and sure, if you planned ahead, maybe you’d already know what you need to do and you’d have prepared it and you’d do it better, but who’s got the time for that?? i can’t use my brain like that! i need to live the thing before it actually feels real enough for me to think about solving it.

I have never read anything more Lion secondary in my entire goddamn life.

i hope this actually made sense and i gave enough relevant information, my head kinda feels jumbled right now. i mean it makes sense to me but i don’t know how this reads from an outside perspective. maybe i should have planned this like an essay or whatever lmao

thanks a lot for answering these & running this blog!!! it’s dope and you give really good insights and you’re just a super cool person!

<3 <3 <3 

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Alone together at the Summer Sweets Festival

Sweet treats, flying carpets, and colorful blooms - it's a magical day in Falcon Harbor when the Summer Sweets Festival comes to town. Everything's so soft and pastel, it's such a lovely sight to take in. Standing on the bridge, getting a full view of the festivities, I feel peaceful, like despite everything going on in the world right now, as long as I'm here, I'm safe.

Since we've been busy with camp stuff and running the shop, Daisy Jane and I felt that we needed some time to ourselves. Up until now, we haven't really had one on one time together, something we knew had to be fixed.

Hard to believe that Daisy Jane's been here for over a year now - how different things were back then. She went from stagnating in life to living her dream, being independent and creating art. And not too long ago I was in a similar position, trying to find my place in the world but having a hard time doing so. People objected - usually for good reason - but we took the plunge anyway, stumbling more than succeeding, but finding our way eventually. To some, it's still not ideal, but to us, we're happy, and that's more than enough for us.

Like I said, it's been nice just the two of us hanging out. I mean, we did meet up with friends but for the most part it's only us off on our own while occasionally meeting up. Not that I don't miss the campers but sometimes you just gotta go off and do your own thing. I've been so wrapped up in camp events lately that I haven't had time to do that and it was starting to affect me. As I'm still learning, it's important not to get too wrapped up in things - and there's nothing wrong with taking things slow, even slacking off if you can.

Since Pai brought along Connie and the gang, I've been thinking about that a lot. As much as I enjoy and look forward to camp events, they take a lot out of me. I get that they're kinda necessary to keep things running - and it's not like we're running out of ideas (I'm starting to think that's becoming one of my worst fears if I ever get to that point) -  but it's important to know when to slow down. I've made the mistake of back to back events so now I know to space them out for everyone's sanity.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that burnout ain't good. Know the signs and take steps to prevent yourself from crashing and burning. Problem is that it can sneak up in unexpected ways, so it's extra important to catch the warning signs as soon as possible.

A festival may not seem like an ideal way to get some rest and relaxation, but this one's different. I think it's the peaceful atmosphere in general - things aren't too crazy or crowded, just people vibing in their own spaces. Kinda like a cafe's that's sorta busy but not too crowded or loud so you can just chill out and do your own thing without feeling like you're in the way. I always feel bad for taking up space, especially when I know that someone else needs it more than I do, which is why I tend to feel self conscious out in public. Doing stuff at a cafe sounds nice but actually doing it? I need to find the right place, the right atmosphere, the right spot that gives me privacy while not be closed off from everything else.

In other words, the Summer Sweets Festival's kinda like finding the perfect cafe to hang out in. The vibe's similar to the Traveling Fika, a relaxed atmosphere that doesn't compel you to have to try out everything all at once but instead encourages you to take your time and explore at your own pace. As much as I enjoy festivals - even more so as I've had a hand in behind the scenes for some - they can take a lot out of me. Again, there's nothing wrong with slowing down and taking your time.

While enjoying the festivities we ran into some friends. Turns out Emmaline and Minnie had the same idea of going to the festival for one on one time. I think this is the first time I've hung out with them since their wedding. As usual, they've been traveling around the universe, though they've been slowing down a bit and visiting home more often. It's still up in the air, but they're really considering the idea of buying a place in Rosevine. They'll still be traveling but that means they'll also have a home base to go back to.

The four of us enjoyed galaxy themed dango and fresh jasmine tea while catching up. I think since getting married, Emmaline and Minnie have fallen even more in love with each other. It's always so sweet seeing them side by side, holding hands and just being together. Like me and Daisy Jane, they also took a gamble by going off on their own - they were always more bolder than us in many ways despite being younger. In a way, they seem older, though it's more of a kinda had to grow up faster because of life circumstances.

Now that I think about it, no one really comes out unscathed from their upbringing. I'm lucky to not experience the traumas Emmaline and Minnie went through, though I can relate to being seemingly older than your peers. I'm not knocking my upbringing but the culture I grew up in - where my parents were also brought up - tends to put pressure on all of us. Maybe I'm biased because I'm the firstborn daughter in an Asian family but in a way I'm kinda expected to be maternal - not that I don't want to be, it's just the pressure of being that gets to me. It's the whole idea of you have to be the best, not just for you, but for your family - in other words, you have a lot to carry on your shoulders.

Then there's the whole debate of whether I should do something because it's for me or should consider my family over myself. Eh, that's something for another time I don't feel like getting into all that today.  Will I have to address it someday? Probably but I don't have the brain power to even touch on that.

After getting lost in the stars, the four of us hopped on a flying carpet for a scenic view of the harbor. They say that Falcon Harbor's known for its magical carpets, from their beautiful and intricate designs to the magic these threads possess, it's amazing to see how much work is put into making a single one. The view is absolutely gorgeous - it adds to the dreamy vibe of the festival.

Not too long after parting ways, we ran into Blossom. It was an unexpected surprise as she came here on sort of a whim. For the past year or so she's been hanging out with a time traveling professor and exploring various parts of the universe with him. She posts a lot of about her travels on social media and it sounds like she's having a blast.

Though as much as she enjoys going on adventures with the professor, Blossom finds him a hassle to get along with sometimes. She describes him as the kind of guy who's used to pretty much getting away with everything and doesn't really know how to take responsibility, so inevitably that ends up getting him into a lot of trouble. Jamie's heard stories about him and while he has good intentions, most tend to have a like-hate thing with him. I get where Blossom's coming from with the lack of foresight and accountability - like it's understandable if you're from an upbringing that neglects that but at the same time you're a grown adult so act like one.

Aside from that the professor guy sounds cool but to be honest I'm not sure if I can stand to be his traveling companion. Blossom finds him to be good company most of the time and he brings some excitement to her normally monotonous life. Now with her little sister moving across the country, Blossom finally has more freedom to do what she wants. The main reason why she accepted the professor's offer to join in on his adventures was to get away from her, which is understandable. Her sister's a lot like mine in which I love her, but she can be a bit much to deal with - and not ideal to live with 24/7. With her sister gone, Blossom doesn't have to deal with nosy siblings who, while well intentioned, make her feel bad for doing her own thing. And yes, I speak from experience.

Originally, Blossom and the professor were gonna go on a space adventure but that was scrapped at the last minute. Basically, the professor owed an old friend big time for something he sorta screwed up on the last time he visited, so now, after avoiding it for years, he has to finally pay up. It's not as bad as it sounds as he knew that he would have to own up sooner or later, plus Blossom knows them to be good friends.

As much as she wants to see the cosmos, she's been busy helping her sister with the moving out process so she'd rather have a lowkey weekend. Since she lives about 20 mins away from town, Blossom figured that maybe she'd pop in to join in on the festivities for a bit. So we enjoyed candied strawberries, tiger milk tea, and a boat ride around the harbor before going off our separate ways again.

At night, we met up again with Emmaline and Minnie to set up a picnic and watch the fireworks show. Seeing all those bright, vibrant colors against the dark night sky, it's a pretty sight to look at. We also chose a good spot to view it as there's not too many people around and the sound doesn't break our ears. After that, we hung around a bit longer, exploring stands we haven't gotten around to visiting yet. The quiet atmosphere along with the gentle glow of the lanterns - I almost didn't want to leave because it felt so comforting, especially when it's just us alone.

Did I just say "us" alone? Maybe it's just because we've known each other for so long and have a lot in common, but as much as I like having alone time, I'm starting to see myself more open to sharing that time with Daisy Jane. Not exactly interacting, but existing in the same space, doing our own thing. I still need my solo alone time, but I also wouldn't mind being alone together with Daisy Jane, like how we were at the festival.

[eyeamsevn]

A few years after I moved down to ATL, I started working for a really good but now defunct property management company named Archstone(This was 2001 and it had been acquired by Lehman brothers so when the 08 mortgage bubble burst, so did Lehman brothers and Archstone along with it. But I digress). Anyway, one of my coworkers was a guy from Lafayette Louisiana named Kenneth Glaude. He was a little older than me and was a hip hop head(and the dude was straight hilarious) so based off of that we hit it off really good off the rip. We'd work, laughing and talking music all day. I had just started dating a girl from New Orleans(Danielle) and he would hip me to Louisiana cuisine, he'd drive to Lafayette and I'd give him cash to stop in New Orleans and buy some boudin to bring back for me, or he'd go to Houston to pick up mix cassettes of artists from Houston's local rap scene, DJ Screw, Mike Jones, Screwed Up Clique, Slim Thug, Lil Keke, Big Pokie, Lil Flip, T. Ferris and Swishahouse, all of the cats who were coming up at the time. So many cats that I can't even remember. Sure I knew about UGK, The Geto Boys, Rap a Lot, J Prince, Suave House, Tony Draper and all of that but that was about it, this cat knew it all about the next wave of Houston rap so I knew Houston's rap scene was gonna pop long before the rest of the country did. I was listening to all of the newest and hottest Houston had to offer at the time thanks to my co-worker. He taught me about sittin on a slab, swangin, candy paint, chopped and screwed music, boppers....all of that. Anyway, he lived on the property we worked at so sometimes we'd spend lunch at his apartment or after work we'd sit in the living room, listen to tapes, vibe out and he'd break down who was who rapping, who produced what, what part of Houston they were from...basically break down the entire back story of all of these new artist and producers. When you walked into his apartment the first thing you noticed when you entered his living room was a giant 10" by 14" picture of him and Tupac framed and hanging over his fireplace. Finally(after hanging out there a dozen or so times) I asked him..."Say bruh, when you meet Tupac?" Well, story was that the pic was taken outside of a convenience store in Atlanta on Roswell road. He and his friend were going in and Pac was standing at a pay phone outside of the store smoking a cigarette making a call. They lose it!!!! This was shortly after the movie Poetic Justice had hit the big screen and it was a hit. He said Pac was real cool, finished his call and just started kicking it with my friend and his buddy. My friends buddy had a big crush on Janet Jackson so he asks Pac how was it kissing Janet in which Pac replied..."Just like kissing any other(let's just say he used the word "woman"...but you can imagine what word Pac really used). He said his friend really ain't like it when Pac said that. Well, at the time my friends mother had just died and he told Tupac...."Bruh, you need to write a song about appreciating your momma. I just lost mine and when your momma dies life ain't the same. You start thinking about all the times you took her presence for granted."...he said Pac was like..."Yeah? Hmmm..." and kinda grabbed his chin like he was in thought about it. Then, his friend had a disposable camera in the car that had a few shots left and they took pictures with Tupac and left. And that's how that picture came about...then he said about a year after that picture was taken one day he was driving down Peachtree street when he heard Tupac's Dear Momma on the radio.

True story.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Nicole's Rambling: The Avengers Problem (for PS4)

Let's start with the usual chanting: ❗this is my opinion, it's biased as hell (since I grew up with Marvel comic books and movies) and you don't have to agree❗

I was wondering why Avengers game gets so hated... So I took a look and I played it myself. Let’s have a look.

SPOILERS AHEAD

First off: the game isn't in any way horribly bad. It's just a button smasher with a story that has its good and bad beats. It's not memorable at all, but it could've gone way more downhill in my opinion.

At the start of the game, you meet the mighty Avengers through child fan's eyes - it's pure fanservice and let's be honest, it's dope. It was sweet, but pretty dragged, to be honest. I really didn't need to play as all five Avengers (HAWKEYE IS MISSING, AGAIN) in the first hour of the game, but sure, why not?

For the most part, you see the squad through Kamala Khan's eyes. For those who might have not a clue who the hell Kamala is; I am not wondering about why you don't know who the hell she is. She's a Marvel heroine who outed in 2013 and who will have her own spinoff on Disney+.

And again, Ms Marvel is fine, but not memorable at all. I've never, until this day, met anyone who would say that 'Ms Marvel is my favourite superhero'. I was halfway through the game before I even realized it's Ms Marvel - AFTER SHE PULLED HER DAMN COSTUME OUT. That can be due to my utter ignorance or because I heard of her so little that I can count it on my fingers. In all honesty, I loved Kamala as the story progressed, the gal's not bad at all - but as the whole game, she had good and bad beats. There were times where I wished to play as Iron Man and the game forced me to play as her... Whatever.

Let's look at the three problems I have with this game and three positives I found in the game:

0. (Technically zero since it's a personal problem of mine) The soundtrack and the voice actors:

By any means, I am not trying to say they should hire RDJ for the role of Iron Man and Mark Ruffalo for the role of Banner... But it was so hard to distinguish the voice of Nolan North (For example: Nathan Drake x Iron Man) and Troy Baker (Samuel Drake x Bruce Banner). For me, as for a PS4 gamer, it's annoying to hear the same voices again and again in every game I am genuinely excited about (Idk how Xbox players are familiar with them). Of course, there's even Laura Bailey as the Black Widow; I feel like these are the three only people who do voice acting for games these days and sure, I should've seen that coming.

Side note: Nolan North is not a good fit for Iron Man in the slightest in my opinion, but if you like his Iron Man, that's cool as well!

The soundtrack... M A N, the soundtrack. When I heard Marvel gave a green light to the Avengers game, I expected to hear at least the iconic Alan Silvestri's 'The Avengers'. Problem with this is simple: Marvel had spoiled its consumers with good and memorable soundtracks (don't you tell me you don't remember as they all gathered for the first time). Since it was Marvel itself who gave the green light for this project, which was supposed to be based loosely on the movies' and comic book success, I hoped to get all of it.

It's not Iron Man when AC/DC song isn't playing in the background as he flies through a canyon for his life. I mean, Iron Maiden are fine; but come on. COME ON. It's not the same. It's not the Avengers (WITHOUT HAWKEYE) without their significant theme.

1. IT. BUGS. ALL. THE. TIME and the combat is incredibly repetitive:

When I was little, I was a rage gamer. I could barely play Crash Bandicoot or Rayman without losing my cool. Since then, I grew up, skilled and etc. I try not to rage when playing games since it's simply not worth it.

But when you're replaying a boring mission for the tenth part and you're almost over and SUDDENLY, the game bugs out and you lose control over the character (it starts running in circles, etc.) it sucks shit. And don't let me start on the minor bugs. Like when you don't cross the platform by one pixel and the game doesn't let you make combos when you're in the air and bug into a tree when you bug into a wall, a rock, fucking nothing... Bruh. It was released in August, shouldn't these bugs be fixed by now? The game is fucking broken, hoes. It barely feels like a game ready to launch at times.

When you're so lucky that you don't bug out in the middle of doing something, the combat... It isn't bad. It's not terrible, but the Avengers deserved something better. It didn't deserve mediocre combat that repeats itself in every level. Once you find yourself good combo, you're done for. You can use it to finish the game if you will.

2. There's too many missions, too much information and too much things player has to understand if he wants to play the game properly:

Okay, this might seem to be a little confusing; I didn't understand the game system at all when I first ran it on my PS4. There's story missions, HARM training sessions, daily missions for particular heroes, faction missions (SHIELD, Pym, Stark, etc.) and character-side-story missions, and a lot more.

Trust me, it doesn't sound that hard, but once you open the map menu for yourself... Oh boy, that's a different story. And if it only was the map menu. The inventory and such aren't too collected all together either. Before you can safely tell what is what, it will take you at least a whole afternoon. Also, the fact that game just spills it on you just like that, one thing after another, it doesn't help the overall feel.

On top of that, there are MULTIPLE currencies in the game; some even involve microtransaction. It mostly is involving the customization of the Avengers, so it's not THAT big of a deal; you can get one currency by collecting boxes and stuff, but it takes ages before you can buy one single thingy.

Also, if you would like to get stuff (very useful stuff) from factions (SHIELD and Pym mainly), you have to do in-factions daily quests, which usually require to do a certain amount of things as a particular hero (you can do some quests with Ms Marvel only, some with Black Widow, it usually involves the damage dealt while playing as a character etc.). And if you forget to fetch these minies? Well, no faction points for you, bucko.

The system feels overall too complicated in the begging and even after finishing the game, I am not certain by some.

3. The gameplay of the one and only... Natasha Romanov, and the entirety of Steve Rogers:

Right off the bat: IT. SUCKS. SHIT.

This was your shot in opening our mouths and showing why Black Widow BELONGS to the Avengers in the first place. Like, sure, storywise you proved the point, but gameplaywise... That's a different story.

Out of the bunch, Natasha feels the slowest, most clumsy and overall not too pleasant to play as. Mainly is because her attacks do... Nothing. The gun reloading is basically constant when I have to put it simply and it takes about 3-5 seconds for her to even reload; which can be a matter of life and death inside the game. Sure, she can make herself invisible; but that's like... It. It's not that it would be suffering when you are forced to play as Nat... But not a pleasant experience either.

On the other hand, maybe it's just me. I have friends who told me the same about her gameplay, but maybe there's someone who enjoys the Black Widow. It's my personal with the entirety of the gameplay.

Steve, on the other hand, isn't hard to play as. It's just fucking boring. At the start of the game, I couldn't wait to play as Steve's character. He seemed to be awesome - Jesus fuck, how could I be so wrong? As I said, he's incredibly boring and dry, his skills would do the same amount of work if they even weren't there. I think that Rogers is there just for the shock value (as a value that doesn't even work in the slightest) and nothing more.

As you learn to do the tricks and combos with them, it gets slightly better and skill tree and equipment upgrades can help almost unnoticeable... But really, Steve and Natasha are the absolute worst.

Now the reasons why the game convinced me it isn't a hot mess as I initially thought:

1. The characters, dynamics, chemistry and the overall story:

Sure, it is mainly a basic plotline, a cookie-cutter one, full of cliché - Avengers have to regroup after a traumatic event and you're the one who has to find them and bring them together.

Yet it is quite interesting; the game leads you to believe that Steve Rogers is dead after an event called the 'A-Day' (which you won't believe even if the game does the hardest to make you to, constantly remaining you that 'Oh boy, Cap died, did you know that?') and the Avengers had left to exile because they were considered as big bad for the people and the country. They have their emotional baggage and the banter between Banner and Stark (though it ends too soon), is just the thing that makes them human and relatable.

Even the villains are quite compelling; not like ultra super convincing, but the game can turn around when you least expect it to; which is definitely a huge plus.

The characters were done GOOD. The dialogues are full of personality and jokes you'd expect from each one of them; Banner is a wallflower cutie, Tony fishes for compliments all the time, Natasha is the big independent woman she always was and Thor? CHEF'S KISS, I swear. It hits the Shakespearean vibe perfectly and at the same time, he still is charming and quite funny to hang around.

Every time you can listen to a chit-chat between two characters, it is a great pleasure for you as a Marvel fan. Also, I need to say that regardless of my personal issue with the dub (regarding Tony and Bruce; since they're the people you spend most of your time with), the dialogues for these two characters are on point without a doubt. And I kinda grew fond of the in-game Bruce Banner throughout the course of the game, to be honest.

There are references, jokes, inside jokes, one-liners... The dialogue was done amazingly and that's a huge   T H A N K   Y O U  to the developers.

2. The mind-blowing gameplay of... Tony Stark and Thor and AI, while not being too bright, getting stronger as you do:

In what the Natasha gameplay lacks, these two give you exactly what would you expect and way, way more than you'd ask for. Again, it mainly reflects the personal gameplay preferences of the player; let me tell you why I think these gameplays are, in my opinion, the best.

a) Tony's gadgets and weaponry: The suit itself is bloody brilliant. Once you master the ability to attack and fly at the same time, you have the moments when you can not only feel like Iron Man - but really be Iron Man. It's not even that your gameplay would suddenly become 10x easier; it significantly becomes funnier.

b) Thor's heavy fist-to-fist and Mjolnir preferences: the Mjolnir is bloody brilliant as well. Thor's combat is mainly physically based, but when you want to throw the hammer around like the madman you are, you can suit yourself. You can use the lightning if you please and you can fly if this style of combat suits you. It's all in your hands. Thor can take quite a bit of damage, which is significantly supporting you in this style. If you accidentally drop Mjolnir? Well, call it back and smash them!

Also, regarding the AI... As I said, they're certainly not the brightest sparks in the flame; yet thanks to the power getting bigger as you level up and continue with your story and a huge variety of enemies - from turrets to flying men with flamethrowers. It is just button smasher, but a pleasing one in this regard, I must say.

3. The fanservice to comic book fans, movie fans and loyalty to the property:

As one IGN review once said... "This game makes you feel like Batman." And this game more or less accomplished it as well, but diluted and stripped down. Of course, in no way I can compare this to the masterpiece to the Arkham saga; these games are brilliant.

But there are moments when the game can just drag you inside the story and tell you: "You're Iron Man now, boss. It's in your hands." And it's there. I think the only issue was that the team of devs just took too big of a bite. I wouldn't mind stand-alone titles emerging into one and big Avengers game. That would be fun as well and I would spend my time with it gladly.

To end it: it's a mess, but a good mess you might like. If I was to rate it, would be 5.1/10 Wait until it is on sale, don't rush it. I'm overall disappointed and I most likely will forget I have ever played it.

[lochsides]

evermore: Track-by-Track review

I didn't think I'd be writing another review for a Taylor Swift album so soon after folklore but here we are. Truthfully though, evermore feels more like a figment of my imagination than a real album, and as a result this album has been a grower for me. When Taylor said evemore would be the sister record to folklore, I was curious as to the distinguishable differences between the two, because Taylor wouldn't simply give us the same album twice. evermore is, strangely, both the wild younger sister that's more experimental and the wise older sister with a mature outlook on life. Where folklore was a product of isolation, evermore is a product of creativity and that can be felt in the music.

I’ve written my thoughts and theories on each song, and bolded my favourites, below the cut, if you’re interested. I also included my current ranking at the bottom.

Taylor has been very good at picking leading singles for the folklore/evermore era. willow is brilliantly catchy while maintaining the alternative folk sound that she established in folklore. Her vocals suit the song so well, especially on ‘follow’/“hollow” in the chorus. They pair so beautifully with the mesmerising production. The reason this song is one my favourites is purely because of the rhythm and the guitar. The lyrics are, for once, a bonus. As an entry point to evermore, willow does not ease the listener in, the song instead throws the listener in the deep end — which I feel was intentional, as Taylor said evermore was the product of wandering further into the folklorian woods.

champagne problems is easily my favourite song on this album. Storytelling is Taylor's biggest strength as a songwriter and I think this song is a achingly beautiful example of what an emotive storyteller Taylor is. It would be so difficult for me to pick a favourite lyric from this song but I love how she sets in train in the opening line, "you booked the night train for a reason, so you could sit there in this hurt / bustling crowds or silent sleepers, you're not sure which is worse." The accompaniment is gorgeous and the composition of the bridge is breathtaking. Every time the bridge plays I get chills.

gold rush was a grower for me. I'm still not a fan of the intro/outro but I enjoy the production in the rest of the song once the beat kicks in. I think it's one of the more experimental sounds on evermore but it's very catchy. I won't even talk about how the chorus called me out with "I don't like slow-motion, double vision in a rose blush, I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush."

'tis the damn season is the non-holiday-holiday song that still has a classic sound and production. I know this song is Dorothea's perspective but I get a lot of illicit affairs parallels with this one as well: "don't call me baby" / "you could call me babe for the weekend", "what started in beautiful rooms ends with meetings in parking lots" / "the road not taken looks real good now, time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires".

tolerate it is a hard song for me to review because I literally zone out every time I listen to it. I think it's my brain's way of protecting me from toxic relationship trauma 🙃 but it's another gut-punch track five, what else is new? I mean she literally said "now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life, drawing hearts in the byline, always taking up too much space or time," and broke my nervous system.

no body, no crime is the best country song Taylor has ever written, period. The sirens at the start, the storytelling, the way it sounds like an old-school murder-mystery movie. HAIM on the backing vocals were great, though I do wish they had at least a verse of their own. That's literally my only critique of this song. It's that good.

There's so much maturity in Taylor's outlook on happiness. I connect this song to her tarnished relationship Sc*tt/BMG and how she's happy after leaving but she was also happy during the time she was with them. I really enjoyed the simple addition of the piano and the way it built up to add depth to the production. Taylor's delivery of the line "no one teaches what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him too" really hits me.

dorothea is a really nostalgic, retro school-dance-vibe, kinda playful song with a personality, which I adore. The production is absolutely timeless. I woke up today with the chorus stuck in my head. I think "if you're ever tired of being known for who you know, you know, you'll always know me" is fun word play and I'm a nerd of that type of thing. (Side note: to me, this song feels very reminiscent of her friendship with Karlie Kloss, right down to the "selling makeup in magazines.")

coney island gives me desolate, abandoned theme park vibes. The simplicity of the production only enhances it. It's everything I could've hoped for in a song titled "coney island" and featuring The National. Matt Berninger's vocals are absolutely astounding. What does it say about me that my favourite aspect of this song is the feeling of despair laced into its bloodstream.

ivy is another favourite but what did I expect from a song filled to the brim with longing and mentioning the crescent moon? The instrumentation and her vocal styling is similar to willow. There are also lyrical parallels of "... your freezing hand, taking mine" / "I'm begging for you to take my hand" and "how's one to know I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bone" / "I never would've known from the look on your face" and she echoes both those sentiments in a different way after the respective bridges and I wonder if that's intentional. Knowing Taylor Swift, probably.

cowboy like me belongs in the center of a country/folk/slow blues Venn diagram. It's the perfect blend of the three genres. Marcus Mumford's back vocals sound so good with Taylor's. "We could be the way forward, and I know I'll pay for it" and "the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up" are great lyrics.

I'm not all about the way long story short stars but the song quickly settles into its skin. This is easily the most pop-sounding song on evermore but it's still somewhat experimental in comparison to Taylor's existing discography and I think it's cool that she can find space to experiment within a musical space that she has all but mastered. Say what you will but Taylor Swift knows how to make hits no matter the genre. The lyrics "he's passing by, rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky and he feels like home" reminds me so much of Call It What You Want.

marjorie gave me chills on the very first listen when Taylor sings about how her grandmother left her backlogged dreams to her. I love that they used her grandmother's actual vocals in the background, that's a really heartwarming detail. This song comes with some really solid advice too. It just feels very personal. I love the way production builds on "what does didn't stay dead" right to the bridge, which is my favourite part of the song.

closure is easily the most experimental song on the album with that the scratch tape sound and those drums. I love the sheer pettiness in her tone and the lyric "don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled" is brilliant. That said, this is probably my least favourite. I think it's a cool song but just not for me.

evermore has some of the most beautiful lyrics on the album. "I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong" and "barefoot in the wildest winter" are some of my favourites. I'm not a big fan of the sudden shift in tempo on either end of the bridge but Justin Vernon's falsetto makes up for it. The production is otherwise beautiful.

Note that the bonus tracks are currently at the bottom because they have not been released yet.

[kweebtrash]

When I See You Again (M)

Genre:  Best Friends to Lovers! AU, Tattoo Artist! Yuto, 1st person reader

Summary:  You and Yuto had met in high school, an unlikely pair as he was the juvenile delinquent and you were just a foreign exchange student trapped in a country who’s people didn’t except you and lost in homesickness. After saving you from your worst nightmare of being trapped against the wall between some bullies, you slowly started to become friends, though friendship quickly turned into a secret crush. When your heart was just about full a devastating accident caused you to be ripped away from Japan, never seeing Yuto again. Ten years later a chance encounter on a simple vacation turns your world upside down as the teenage boy you loved was now a man who still had a hold of your heart.

Warnings: violence (fighting), mentions of blood, bullying, mentions of abuse

Features: shy yuto, fun and awkward conversations during sexy time, oral (giving and receiving), fingering, slow and gentle and mostly romantic sex, a smidgearooni of dirty talk (but cute dirty talk). Basically Yuto can be confident at times but mostly shy in bed. Yuto is also very handsy and loves kissing so theres a lot of that in case it seems overdone.

Word Count:

A/N:  This was actually a request i received almost a year ago (i’m so sorry) and i finally challenged myself to finish this. I don’t really think it’s my best but I really wanted to get back into writing for pentagon. To the person that requested this i’m so damn sorry it took so long.

I hope you at least think it was worth it.

My shoes pounded against the tile as i weaved through a crowded hallway full of students. My breath burned in my lungs and my heart pounded in my ears. I dodged a student council member, spinning on my heels and almost falling to my knees before catching myself. I took quick glances over my shoulder trying to see if they were behind me. Their raucous laughter was still close by as they remained high on my tail. I laser focused on the sound, hearing it over the gossiping whispers and angry yells as i almost crashed into the other students. Up ahead I could see a flight of stairs that lead to the rooftop. It felt like a light at the end of the tunnel. I sprinted up the stairs two at a time and grabbed onto the door handle, hoping to all hell that it wasn’t locked. I flung it open with all my strength, falling through the doorway. I slammed it shut behind me, pressing my back to it taking in deep breaths until my lungs went back into a rhythm of normalcy. Up on the roof gusts of fall air cooled my skin as i walked over to the edge. It was peaceful here. No one to shame me, no one to chase me, no one to make my life a living hell. I wished I wasn't here at all. I wanted to go back home. I momentarily looked down at the bustling sidewalk below. People looked like ants from how far up I was. A wave of nausea and fear came over me and I took a step back.

“You’re not going to jump are you?”

I whipped around quickly to see that i wasn’t alone on the rooftop. He was sprawled out on his back, hands folded behind his head, and a cigarette dangling from his lips. His uniform matched mine, but it looked like he was determined to violate every dress code put into place. His blazer was open, revealing a black v-neck underneath, tie hanging loosely around his neck, and piercings all along his ears. I stared at him momentarily taken aback by his "bad boy" vibes and piercing gaze. He seemed so familiar but I couldn’t quite place him. I walked to the center of the rooftop so I could stay safe. “No...I’m not planning on it.”

“Good. With my luck they’d say I pushed you.” He pulled the cigarette from his lips and exhaled.

“Who’s ‘they’?” I questioned, still wracking my brain trying to figure out who he was.

“Police. Principal. Students. Idiots and assholes. ‘They’.” It clicked in my head then. Adachi. I had heard the name floating in conversations in the hallway. My Japanese was far from perfect but I could at least recall that name. He towered over most of the students and was always in detention, cutting classes, and getting into fights. Rumors were even spread about him being a serial killer, which seemed typical of the students here; anything to shove away people who were different and isolate them. He had a different impact than I did. While i was the weak foreigner, he was one to be feared but I didn’t even think he looked intimidating. In fact, I thought he was kind of...cute. “What were you running from?” He continued, this time in English which surprised me but gave me a sense of comfort. His accent was heavy and words a little broken but i was the same with my Japanese so I didn't care.

Ever since my family moved to Japan for my dad’s job I had been struggling to pick up the language. It didn’t help that I was thrust into public school without any time to prepare for classes fully. Everyday was becoming more of a struggle for hundreds of reasons and I wished desperately that I could go back to my own country. In hindsight that was probably the most truthful answer-that I was running from everything- but I provided him the one that didn’t reveal my true feelings.

“Girls.” I stated flatly. “Stupid girls. Evil girls. They were...calling me this word I didn’t understand and they were laughing at me. Then they cornered me. I don’t know why they were so pissed off. I don’t even think I have classes with any of them. Before I knew it they we're grabbing at my hair and were trying to cut it. I ran away as fast as I could. It's been like that since I've started school here.”

Adachi scoffed and flicked his cigarette off the side of the roof. He stood up slowly, dusting off the back of his uniform pants. “Fight back.” He stated as if it was the most logical and useful answer. “Don't let anyone know what you're scared of or else you're just going to get treated like you're nothing.”

I almost laughed at his “advice.” “That’s your great idea? To fight? I’m sure it works well for you.” I said sarcastically, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Oh it does.” He shot back at me. “You don't see me whining about people calling me gaijin and crying over being bullied, do you?”

My brows furrowed. “I wasn’t crying, asshole! It’s just irritating and annoying. I don’t understand what’s happening in my classes and I can’t even go to them without having people threatening to cause me bodily harm or throwing shit at me. On top of that, my parents would kill me if I ever got in trouble so i’m just….stuck.” I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Aww it must really suck to have mommy and daddy pout over you. Whether you follow my advice or not doesn’t mean two shits to me. But dont start whining when they come after you again.” He shrugged and headed towards the door, taking a moment to pause before turning back towards me. “People are stupid. Don’t let it get to you or else you’ll really end up jumping.” With that he left the rooftop leaving me alone at last.

Adachi…what a prick. Where did he get off telling me to fight? It was easy for him to say. He had nothing to lose. Well I assumed so anyway...Maybe I was just as bad as everyone else who judged him. A little pang of guilt hit me. I didn’t want to become like the girls who chased me or the teachers that mocked me. I wasn’t going to judge him just because he was different. After all, he tried to help the only way he knew how. I knew deep down that he was right too. I wasn’t going to show this school how miserable it made me. Maybe taking his advice into consideration wasn’t such a bad idea.

It was days before I saw him again. Occasionally, I would catch him in the hallway but we didn’t have a chance to speak face to face. That was until I had been cornered again by the same girls. It was a chorale of taunts, poking, and prodding; using their cowardice to place us behind the school where no one would see us. The main culprit was a senior who looked down at me in disdain with the most sinister of smiles on her lips. She was the one who screamed the loudest as if I could respond to the words that cut into me. I tried covering my ears to block her out but her shrill voice surpassed my blockade. My blood was boiling and I could feel my body shaking. Adachi’s advice kept creeping into my mind. Just fight. Just Fight. JUST FIGHT. 

“Hey!” The deep voice cut through the screaming and made us all freeze. Our attention turned to Adachi who was standing just a few feet away, glaring at the girls surrounding me. Their demeanor changed in seconds and while their so called “leader” was distracted i closed my eyes and swung. I felt something connect with my fist and a rush of pain sped up my arm. My hand was trembling and when I opened my eyes I saw the splatters of red that stained her white uniform blouse.

“Oh shit.” I whispered in disbelief.

She held her nose and screamed in pain. Before my mind could even react further, Adachi grabbed me by my arm and started running. I struggled to keep up with his long strides, taking no time to look behind us to see if they had begun to follow. Hopefully Adachi had scared them off enough to keep them at bay. It seemed like forever until we stopped beside a nearby convenience store, panting and doubling over as we tried to catch our breaths. Suddenly Adachi burst into laughter, scaring the crap out of me. I had barely heard him speak let alone laugh before. It was...sweet albeit still a little frightening. 

“I can’t believe you actually decked her in the face!”

“W-well she wouldn’t shut up! I was tired of hearing her scream and i didn’t even understand what she was saying! I don’t know what the fuck her problem is." I took a deep death and adjusted my uniform. "Thank you though. You kinda saved me back there.”

“I mean you probably would’ve gotten your ass kicked. And with the way you punched, you wouldn’t have stood a chance.” His eyes darted down to my fist that ached and was starting to bruise. “You punch with the flats of your fingers, not your knuckles. That’s gonna swell. At least you still probably broke her nose..”

“Great. I have no idea how I’m going to hide this from my parents.”

“Time to chop your hand off and say it was a random Yakuza attack.”

I stared at him, my eyes going wide for a second. “Did you...did you just make a joke?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stood up a little straighter. “Just because people piss me off doesn’t mean that I can’t actually laugh. I’m not a robot or a serial killer.”

“So you heard those rumors?” I asked softly.

He shrugged. “It’s whatever. Sometimes I go along with it just to get people off my back. Anyway, might as well go inside and get you something cold to keep the swelling down. Stay here.”

I watched his back as the automatic doors parted and he walked in. I rested against the brick wall, trying not to think about the pain in my hand. I uncurled my fingers slowly and tried forming the fist again. It wasn’t easy but nothing seemed to be broken either. My knuckles were now a grisly blue-violet and the swelling was starting to become noticeable. I sighed and glanced down at my watch, impatiently waiting for Adachi’s return. It only took a few more minutes before i saw his tuft of black hair reappear. He held out a frozen bag of peas for me to take while i gave him a puzzled look.

“It’s the only thing they had. Just take it.” 

I took the pack and held it on my hand. it made me wince but also provided a little relief. "Thanks. Do you think I could hide this from my parents?"

"No way in hell. Just keep an ice pack on it and try not to use it too much."

"You sound like an expert on this." I grumbled.

"Yeah, well," He looked away from me and returned his hands to his pockets. "I've had my fair share of busted knuckles. Anyway, do you need me to walk you home or are you cool?"

Walk me home? That wasn't something I expected from him. "Do you really want to?"

"I mean I asked for a reason, dumbass."

"Hey! Don't be a jerk! I just...I've never been walked home before and I know it's kinda a big deal here."

He shrugged. "I don't think so. This isn’t some anime romance. I just want to make sure those bitches aren't after you. It'd be hell if they found out where you lived."

He had a point. I was already harassed at school, I wasn't prepared to be harassed at home as well. "Ok, that sounds good."

He grabbed my briefcase that I barely had time to escape with and held his hand out in front of him. "Lead the way."

We walked side by side, mostly quiet and awkward. I wasn't sure what kind of conversation i should even start. I wanted to know more about him but something told me he was a closed book. I chewed on my lip, overthinking and getting anxious. "You know, i don't even know your name." He said, suddenly.

Oh, that's right. We had never formally introduced ourselves. I told him my name and realized I had to figure out the proper honorific for him. "Wait, should I call you Adachi-kun. Or Adachi-sempai? Are you even older than me? Is it Adachi-san?"

"Just call me Yuto. No honorifics. I don't care about that. It's just some authoritative bullshit."

"You're really one hell of a guy, you know that?" I couldn't help but chuckle.

There was a faint tint of rose to his cheeks, so much so that I thought I had imagined it. He looked away and scoffed. "Tch, whatever. Just keep telling me where to go."

I smiled to myself as we turned a corner. Yuto might have a secret soft spot that I was dying to pry into more. Occasionally, I was able to drum up something else to talk about. I was curious as to why he got into trouble so much but instead tried to see what kind of things he liked. It boiled down to eating and sleeping - very profound hobbies. He seemed more interested in me and once I finally got him talking I realized he wouldn't stop. His tone was still serious but I think it was mostly on account of how deep his voice was. I didn't expect him to be so talkative but it actually felt like I finally had a friend here.

--

A few weeks later, Yuto was supposed to meet me near my house to walk me to school. We had made a habit of walking together almost every day. It didn't matter if we were silent or talked about what happened at school or I scolded him for being a delinquent, our conversations made me totally happy and it was the one thing I looked forward to each day. This morning in particular, though, he wasn't at our usual meet up spot. I waited for a few minutes, wondering if he was caught up somewhere. It was getting dangerously close to first bell and our consequences for being late were going to be extreme. When I called him he didn’t answer which made my mind jump to conclusions and worry immediately. Taking a chance, I sprinted in the direction of the school as a gut feeling was telling me something wasn't right.

As I got closer to the school I could hear a scuffle in the nearest alleyway, close to the convenience store we had stopped back when I had hurt my fist. I saw him against the wall, facing off against two idiots. His briefcase had been tossed to the floor, it's contents spilling out and I was afraid that would happen to his guts as well as one of the attackers was holding a knife. There was no mistaking the shine that spiked across it from the morning sun. They were dressed in uniforms from a school I didn’t recognize- I had no idea who they were and I didn’t care. I was hell bent on returning the favor to Yuto from when he saved me.

"Hey!" I yelled. All attention was turned to me instantly.

"Get out of here!" Yuto said. "It's too dangerous!"

"Oh, is that your little girlfriend?" One of the bigger boys said smugly. 

The knife holder rolled the weapon in his palm, adding to its already present intimidation. My heart was pounding in my ears as my eyes zeroed in on it. Adrenaline was building inside me, the same feelings of needing to fight back taking over from when I had punched my own bully. Fear was still ever present of course. I didn’t stand a chance with actually fist fighting them and they had the upper hand anyway. I could die. Yuto could die. It was risky and the odds were too stacked against us. I had to try though, anything was worth a shot if I could save him. It was the first thing that popped into my head and instead of swinging my fist i sent my leg flying up between his. With how hard I had struck him it felt like my shin had connected straight with his pelvic bone. Pain filled my calf but i was sure it wasn’t as strong as what he was feeling. The knife clanged to the ground as he crumpled along with it, holding himself as he groaned in pain. Yuto picked up the knife at lighting speed and managed to shove the other boy against the wall, pressing the blade to his neck. His tone was full of spite and anger and though he was speaking too fast for me to understand I could feel the fiery intent behind every syllable. Whatever it was, it scared the other guy into picking up his friend and dragging themselves away like wounded dogs. Yuto tossed the knife to the ground and before I could even ask if he was okay he grabbed onto my shoulders and shook me roughly.

"Are you fucking crazy?! You could've gotten hurt! Don't ever do that again!"

"I-im sorry!! I just-! You were in trouble and I didn’t know what else to do! I didn’t want you to get hurt either! I panicked!”

“You’re such an airhead sometimes! What would’ve happened if you had gotten stabbed, huh?! I cant...I can’t lose you...:” His voice softened at the end, so low that I could barely hear it. I didn’t expect him to be this emotional. Though we were good friends and shared laughs, Yuto was still blocked off when it came to deeper emotions. He was even more reserved when it came to affection but in this moment he pulled me to his chest and squeezed me as tight as he could. It shocked me completely, so much so that I didn’t even think to reciprocate the hug. I just stood there like an idiot as I felt every inch of his warmth flowing over me. It was so utterly comforting and something I didn’t think i needed throughout my time here in Japan but it seemed to heal all wounds. Eventually, it clicked in my head to wrap my arms around him and squeeze him just as tight. It felt so good and I didn’t want us to ever separate but he was the first to pull away. "Sorry I wasn't there to walk you to school."

"That doesn't matter now, idiot." I reached up and whacked my palm into his forehead gently. “Besides i’m pretty sure first bell already rang. I’m going to get into so much trouble. My parents are going to kill me when they find out and I really really realllllyyy don’t want to do detention. Is it as bad as they say it is?”

“I don’t know, i never did my detentions.” He said with a devious smile. “But I guess that just means we’ll have to skip entirely.”

“Are you insane!? That will get me into even more trouble! That’s the opposite of what I need!”

“Aww come on, live a little. You don’t always have to play by the rules. Sometimes it’s fun to break them. Besides, one day of skipping isn’t going to hurt you.”

"Adachi Yuto, are you saying I should become a juvenile delinquent just like you?"

"Hell yeah." 

We laughed, harder than we should of knowing the prospect of me getting in trouble loomed over us. Though I was scared of the consequences, the idea of spending the entire day with him released thousands of budding seeds of romance that I hadn’t really known had been inside me. Sure, i would notice his tender eyes and smile that lit up my entire world like the first sunrise but I didn’t think I had a crush on him! Or rather I ignored every single one of those feelings because I knew he wouldn’t be interested in me. It was a secret I had been harboring for fear of rejection and making our entire relationship weird. With a day of endless possibilities ahead of us I hoped that I could keep my secret and remain stoic. I slipped out of my overthinking and looked up at him. "Ok, I guess you convinced me enough. I’ll play hooky but just this once!”

“Whoa, really? I didn’t think you had it in you.” He nudged my arm playfully.

“I’m nervous but spending a day with you sounds much more exciting than listening to lectures that make my brain feel like its frying.”

“I’m excited to spend the day with you too…” His cheeks flushed then and he took a step back from the closeness leftover from our hug. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his weight on his feet. “Uh, I mean, um...like-uh...What would you want to do?”

"What do you normally do when you skip?" I asked.

"Get some snacks at the store then sit at home and watch One Piece reruns."

"Are you serious?" I giggled. "That's what Mr. "Serial Killer" does?"

"Hey! It’s relaxing! Sometimes I doze off, sometimes I do other stuff. It’s nice!”

“I’ve never watched One Piece before. Is it good?”

“Is it-? It’s AMAZING! It’s basically like the greatest anime of all time. Oh my god, we have to watch it now. We’re not doing anything else.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “What have I gotten myself into?!” I laughed. “Oh, wait. Your stuff.” We both dropped to the ground and started picking up the scattered contents of his bag. My eyes rested on a sketchpad that laid open, the pages now slightly torn and dirty but I could see precise linework and expressions the drawings held.

"Did you draw these?" I asked.

He snatched the book away from me and snapped it shut. "Nevermind this. It's nothing."

"Yuto, I think they were really nice."

"No, it's seriously nothing. Forget about it."

I set my hand on his shoulder and softened my voice. "You know you don't have to be embarrassed around me."

"I'm not-" He sighed. "I'm not embarrassed really. I just don't think I'm good."

"Of course you're good. They're amazing and I think you're talented."

"Really?"

"Has no one ever told you that before?" I asked.

"No…"

"Well I'm telling you now, ok? And I mean it."

Our eyes met and a slow shy smile creeped onto his face. He turned away instantly and mumbled some sort of thanks as he worked to stuff everything back in the bag. "Appreciate it."

I stood up and dusted my knees off. "What are friends for anyway?" I extended my hand to help him up which he took.

"Friends...yeah…"

"Wanna get those snacks now?"

He only nodded, retreating back to those simple answers I was used to. I held onto his arm as we walked, looking up at him every so often. It was starting to get harder and harder to ignore the feelings that kept trying to surface every time i was with him. I wished they would just disappear already. With him so close to me now i could feel my heart pounding. It got even worse when i felt his hand overwhelm mine suddenly. He was tugging me in the direction of the store but i couldnt take my eyes off our interlocked fingers. They were so warm and long, absolutely beautiful. I could just imagine the way he held a pencil while sketching his favorite characters. I wanted to watch him do what he loved the most. He lead me across the street and to the doors of the convenience store while i stayed wrapped in my head. It wasn’t until he asked me what i wanted that i snapped out of it. I looked around at some of the pre-made food trying to decipher what the labels said and what i could infer from what the food looked like. I was indecisive between a chicken or pork bento and but figured that Yuto would be able to help me decide.

I found him a few aisles over, bent over and looking at cell phone charms like he was trying to make a decision himself. “What are you looking at?”

He straightened up quickly and almost jumped when he saw me. “Oh, uh...nothing.”

I looked over the charms, noticing that they were of popular Sanrio characters. “These are so cute. Are you gonna get one?”

“What? Me? No way! I was looking at them for my...sister! For my sister, yeah. She likes Kerropi so…”

“Really? I like Cinnamaroll. He’s the cutest little thing ever.”

Yuto picked up both a Kerropi and Cinnamaroll charm. “I could get it for you if you want.” He said with a sheepish smile.

“You dont have to do that.” I giggled. “It’s more important that your sis-”

Suddenly, the store owner sped towards Yuto, yelling loudly and tugging at his uniform shirt. He was trying to shove Yuto out, accusing him of being a no good thief and that he should be in school. Yuto showed his empty pockets and held his bag out to be inspected but the shop owner wasn’t listening. Yuto turned to me. “Look, fuck this guy. I’ll just wait for you outside, ok?”

“But you havent done anything wrong! I dont understand why-”

“Doesnt matter. He just sees me as a punk kid because i’ve come in here a little banged up before. I’ll wait for you, ok?”

I didn’t have a say in what he was going to do so i didn’t waste my breath. I watched as he set the keychains down and left the store, the owner still yelling after him. I rushed to pay for everything and get back to him. I was riddled with anger and wanted to leave as soon as possible. “That pissed me off so fucking much.” I huffed.

Yuto shrugged and began walking in the direction of his home. “Don’t waste your energy on it. I’m used to it. You and I are a lot more alike than I thought. People shit on us for being so different and they dont even take the time to get to know us. If someone actually cares about me then they’ll show it. Those are the only people I can trust.”

“Do you think you can trust me?” I asked.

“I know I can trust you. You’re the only one who’s given me the time of day and didn’t think I was automatically an asshole. You talked to me and saw me as a person. I’m glad I met you.”

I stared down at my feet, hoping he wouldnt see the blossoming shyness spread across my entire face. I clutched at his arm as we walked, softly speaking. “I’m glad I met you too. You’re my best friend, Yuto.”

“I never thought I would have a best friend...or any friends for that matter.”

“Like you said, you don’t need anyone who doesn’t care about you. It’s us against the world.” It seemed a bit dramatic to say but it truly felt that way. There was no one that i felt could come between us or anything for that matter.

We arrived at Yuto’s home, a worn down small box with tattered screen doors. It shocked me but I didn’t want to say anything. I couldn’t be disrespectful but i was concerned more than anything. “Sorry it’s not fancy like your place.”

“I don’t care about what it looks like, i just want to make sure you’re ok.”

He stayed quiet as he opened the door which worried me further. Inside there were two cramped rooms, one of which was of course Yuto’s. He guided us in and sat against the wall, facing an old square tv that looked like it was salvaged from a junk yard. I sat beside him and set the bag of food down between us. “You forgot to take off your shoes when we came in.”

I immediately looked at my feet. “Oh my god! I’m sorry!” I rushed to take off my loafers but Yuto just chuckled.

“It’s fine, just set them by the bedroom door. I don’t mind.” I set them beside the door while he turned on the small tv, banging it a few times until a clear picture formed. He flicked through the channels until he found the one that showed One Piece. I pulled out the food I had gotten us and handed him a pair of cheap wooden chopsticks. 

“So,” I began. “Judging from your house set up you don’t have a sister, do you?”

He stilled for a moment then sighed. “Is this about the phone charm?”

I pulled out both charms from the shopping bag and held the Kerropi one out to him. “Now we can match. It kind of seems silly but I think it’s cute.” I pulled out my flip phone and threaded the charm through the small hole at the bottom then looked over at him. “Do you not like it?”

Yuto looked over at me, staring at me until nervousness settled in my stomach, almost making nausea hit me like a train. He inched forward, still leaving me to be an unsuspecting mess while his lips fell onto mine. My eyes widened and i completely froze. I had no idea what to do. This was my first kiss ever and it was with my best friend! Before i could even get my thoughts straight, it was over and we were back to being face to face and unsure of everything that transpired. “I’m sorry.” He said softly.

“W-what? I don’t understand…”

“i-I’ve liked you for some time now but...I wasn’t sure how you would feel. I just...i don’t know. I just felt like i shouldve kissed you. I was too afraid to tell you that I liked you. I thought you wouldn’t even give me the time of day.”

“Why would you even think that? I spend all this time with you. I trust you and im happy to see you every day. You’re the best part of my shitty life. And i want to spend it with you.” I settled my hand over his and was the one who leaned in this time, smiling as he grabbed onto my shoulder and held our kiss a little longer. We were lost in our own little world and I could finally be happy in this foreign place.

Suddenly the door slid open, barreling into the door frame and rattling it. Hovering above us was a man who looked just like Yuto, who I could only assume was his father. He was instantly yelling at us and Yuto scrambled to his feet, pulling me up with him. “You need to leave now!!”

“Yuto! What’s going on!?”

“Now!!!” He managed to shove me between the small gap in the door frame and his father. I grabbed my shoes quickly and tried to slip them on but his father was closing in on me as if i was a deadly target. Yuto grabbed onto his arm and i heard a hard thud against his jaw. I screamed after him, hating to see him hurt and wanting to obliterate his father but i was powerless to stop him. I couldn’t take him down or prevent him from hurting the person who I cared about the most. All i could do was stand in horror while Yuto screamed at me to leave. Tears were rolling down my face as i sped out of the home and towards my own. That was the last time I saw him.

--

The streets were bustling, the summer air thick and heavy. Thousands of people crowding the sidewalk didn’t provide any relief either. Lights were flashing everywhere; neon, iridescent, and beckoning. I had no idea what I even wanted to do tonight. A club, a bar, a cafe? I hadn’t been back in a decade- everything seemed new again. Nerve wracking and exciting. I wanted to make new memories. Memories that wouldn’t haunt me and instead make me happy. I wanted to think of Japan as my home away from home. Right now she was still a stranger. I could only see her through the eyes of tourist, which I absolutely hated but it was a start. That’s how I ended up following the crowd, wondering where it would take me. Wreckless? Yes, absolutely. My japanese was still rusty even though I tried my best to pick it up again. Getting lost still and not being able to communicate weighed heavy on my mind. The sense of adventure outweighed my fright and I carried on, looking for my next stop.

My eyes got lost in the crowd every once in awhile, observing the school girls, the punks, the lolitas, and regular office people ebbing and flowing. One particular person caught my eye- he was towering over most everyone, cell phone to his ear. That was when I saw it, a dangling charm nudging across his wrist as he walked. It looked worn, faded, the bright green now a washed out chartreuse. I swallowed hard. It couldn’t be. Of course not. The chances were too miniscule. Besides, Keroppi wasn’t that much of a popular character but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. Just maybe it could be. I was about to embarrass myself but it was worth a shot.

“Adachi!” I screamed over the roar of the crowd. His head whipped around and my heart stopped. People moved past us and we remained several feet apart. He didn’t look like the Yuto I remembered. He was bigger, definitely. His biceps were struggling to stay beneath his short sleeves, his black denim vest staying open wide against his broad chest and shoulders. His arms were covered fully in tattoos and for a minute I thought I had made a mistake. That was until he speed towards me, his long legs carrying him in quick strides, closing the space between us in seconds. He said my name in that all too familiar honey smooth baritone that made me want to drop to my knees. It sounded deeper than it had in high school, carrying the weight of the unspoken things we wanted to do as teenagers. I looked up at him, a smile forming on both our faces before he squeezed me tight to his tall frame.

“Holy fucking shit!! I can’t believe it’s you! What are you doing here?” He exclaimed. His eyes still remained in a state of disbelief as he looked me over.

My hands rested on his biceps as I still didn’t want to pull away completely. “I-i’m here on vacation. I haven’t been back in years. I wanted to come back and...and make better memories I guess. I never thought I would see you again. Or that you would remember me.” My voice trailed off a bit at the end.

“How could I ever forget you?” The words took me by surprise, as well as his laugh after. “You had the biggest crush on me, remember?!”

I rolled my eyes, pretending playfully that the statement wasn’t true. “You wouldn’t leave me alone and I always had to take care of you because you were a pain in the ass! Always getting into trouble. All I did for that year was clean blood off you with all the fights you got into. Besides you had a crush on me too!!”

“What can I say, you like those bad boy types, don’t you?” He shifted his weight a bit and let out a small chuckle. “What are you doing right now? Going someplace special?”

I shook my head, gently moving him out of the way of the main part of the crowd. He leaned against a street sign as I stayed close to him. “Nothing really. I thought I’d just come here and see what I could find. I got tired of doing tourist shit during the day. I wanted to do something better.”

“You came here alone?” He asked and I nodded. “That’s pretty ballsy for you. Last time I checked your Japanese was shit.”

“Thanks, Asshole.” I replied in his native tongue and he threw back his head and laughed.

“I think I taught you that one.” 

“You did, and now I can use it against you...Also you still have Keroppi.”

His deep brown eyes flew to his cell phone that was clutched in his hand, the slightest tinge of pink decorating his cheeks. He kinda shrugged and didn’t say anything. I smiled and dug into my small purse, pulling out my own cell phone. I held it up to him so he could see the cinnamaroll charm I too had dangling from my phone. It had long lost it’s complete white color, instead getting dirty from it’s time at the bottom of my bag or from being stuffed into the pocket of my jeans. “You’re kidding?” He said, his expressing changing completely. “Why do you still have that?!”

“Why do you still have Keroppi?” I shot back.

He looked away for a moment, pretending to stretch as his free hand rested on the back of his neck. “I...well...I missed what we had...and I was angry that you had left. I didn’t have it on my phone for awhile and I guess...I don’t know really.”

I stared down at my feet. I had never gotten to tell him the reason why I had left so abruptly. I had never wanted to leave him behind, not after everything we had shared together. But i was ripped away from Japan almost as soon as I was implanted there. “I never forgot about you.” I confessed. “I want to apologize for leaving and not getting a chance to say goodbye.”

He shrugged again, trying to keep up his nonchalant facade. “Forget it. It’s cool. You’re here now, so...you wanna go to a bar with me? We’ll drink some beer and get some food.”

“Hell yeah. I haven’t eaten in a bit. Where are you thinking?”

“There���s a spot in Shibuya that’s by my place. We can go there.”

“Perfect. Lead the way.”

He nodded in the direction of the train station and I followed him, holding onto his arm tightly so I wouldn’t lose him again.

--

I tossed back the rest of my third beer almost spitting it out when Yuto brought up another fond memory. “Remember when I made you watch One Piece for the first time and you just had this look on your face like ‘What the absolute fuck?’”

I nodded before swallowing. “I had never watched anime a day in my life. Well I guess Pokemon counts. And Yu-Gi-Oh. But I never did much after. But here you were a secret nerd, drawing in your little sketchbook and wanting to be a famous manga-ka.”

“Yeah, I tossed that shit out when I dropped out of high school.” He sipped on his beer licking the foam from his lips. He picked up his chopsticks, turning the meat on the grill between us so it wouldn’t burn. “Hung around some people I shouldn't have, went to jail for a bit, discovered tattooing and here I am now.”

“Yuto Adachi! You’re insane. What did you go to jail for? I-if you don’t mind me asking.”

He reclined back in his seat and took another swig of his beer. “Petty theft, a few other misdemeanors. Nothing serious. It’s whatever. What did you do, princess? After you left…”

I chewed on an already cooked piece of beef, opening my mouth in between bites to try and cool the burning sensation in my mouth. I swallowed after a minute of chewing and sighed. “My parents died. That’s why I left. It was some freak accident on the plane ride back home. They were going back just for a few days for some medical convention thing. And well...I couldn’t stay here on my own so I got taken back to live with my grandparents.”

“Fuck.” He whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Shit happens. I couldn’t do anything about it. I miss them everyday but time moves on. We move on. But that’s basically why I didn’t say goodbye. It all happened so fast. I didn’t even get a chance to breathe.”

We fell into a heavy silence. Only the sizzling of meat on the grill and the raucous patrons interrupting it. I looked over at him, seeing him watching me, and I felt bad for ruining the mood. “Sorry to be such a downer.” I tried to laugh it off a bit but it was definitely forced.

“Don’t be. Like you said shit happens. You’re here now, right? Dynamic duo back together again. I’ll show you better stuff than that tourist shit.” He split the rest of the beer he had in his glass between us then held it up for me to clink mine against. “Kanpai.”

I repeated the saying and we both swallowed back the golden liquid. “Anyway, after I went back, i finished high school, went to college. Got an office job. You know.”

“Wow, living the boring ass American dream, huh? You got a scrawny white boyfriend to go along with that?”

“Yuto!” I chucked an end piece of beef at him, watching it bounce of his chest and into his lap. He tossed it into his mouth and laughed.

“What? Asians do it better I’m just saying.” He finished off his beer, a smirk resting on his lips as he drank. His eyes locked onto mine and i couldn’t help the blush that creeped onto my face.

“I’ve been free from your annoying ass for years and this is what I get as soon as I come back? Wonderful.”

He rested his elbows on the table leaning towards me a little. “You can get a little more. It’s early, there’s still plenty to do.”

“Like what? You gonna take me to some like kinky Japanese sex club?” I joked.

“If you want to. I have no problem with that. What kinks are you into?”

“Oh my god, i was joking!” I hid my face behind my hands to try and cover up how much redder it was getting. All Yuto did was laugh at me, making me even more embarrassed.

“Me too, I’ll take you to my shop if you want. I got some of my guys there working but I wouldn’t mind taking you to see it.”

“Your shop? Like you own it?”

“Yep. Why? You don’t think I could be a successful business man?” He laughed.

“No...no. I mean...I’m proud of you. Look at you having your shit together, Adachi.”

“Hah! Barely. That’s a fun thought though.” He stood up from his chair and nodded at me to head over to the cashier for us to check out. He pushed my hand away when I offered to pay and instead handed over his card. I didn’t protest much, pretending that i didn’t enjoy free food or when men paid for it. We exited the restaurant and started walking down the streets that were less crowded in the area. All of our careless times together came up. The laughs we had over watching variety shows and anime together in his dark, hole in the wall bedroom. The few times our hands intertwined and the barely there kisses we were too afraid to ever mention. Yuto had always made my heart pound and even now there wasn’t a difference. I watched as he pressed a cigarette between his lips stopping just for a second to light it. I would be definitely pretending if I said that I wasn’t attracted to his bad boy persona. The way he carried himself- defensive yet protective, angry yet passionate, rough yet sensitive, all of those feelings from the past kept rushing back.

When we arrived at his shop there were a few customers towards the back, only separated by small wall barriers. The rest of his crew were in front, laughing over a few beers and practically cheering when he came in. He greeted them with hand slaps and awkward bro hugs while i surveyed the shop. It was cute. The setup seemed more personal rather than stuck up and like a doctor’s office. I overheard some of the guys talking about me, saying not so subtle pervy statements which Yuto shut down immediately. I pretended like I didn’t know a damn thing and let Yuto take my hand and steer me away from them. “Sorry, they’re all idiots.”

I shrugged, laughing a bit. “Don’t worry, I’m just the stupid foreigner. I’m none the wiser.”

“C’mon, don’t say that. You know I don’t think of you that way.” He kissed the back of my hand, deterring my quip. “Do you want to see my office?”

“Yeah, let me see where you work your magic.”

He unlocked a door to the left of us and lead me in. The space was much wider than the rest of the tattooing area and covered in framed artwork that he had done. He had only improved since years past, creating perfect masterpieces of contrasting light, crisp lines, and delicate details. It took my breath away. “Holy fuck.” Was the only way I could of expressing myself.

“What?” He chuckled. “Are the walls too full Does it seem claustrophobic?”

“No, i was actually amazed by your art. You’ve gotten even better since high school. They’re so good.”

“Ehh, it’s nothing fancy. Just kind of how I like to center myself, better than getting in trouble. My office is like my home away from home. Even though my apartment is above the shop.”

I circled around the tattooing bed and peeked into his cabinets of supplies. “Have you ever...fucked anyone here?” I asked cheekily.

“What? No way! One, that’s not sterile. Two, i could lose my license. Three, that’s just gross. Besides, I’m not an out in the open kind of guy. If i’m going to do something it sure as hell wouldnt be in here. Don’t be a perv.”

“I’m joking!” I hit his chest playfully. “I’m just curious about the man you’ve become.”

“What kind of man do you think I am?”

I plastered myself against one of the undecorated walls and stared down at my feet. “I don’t know. I know you’re still caring. And still a trouble maker. And...possibly still a good kisser too.”

“A good kisser? I barely knew what I was doing when we first kissed!”

“It was still nice! It was soft and slow. I liked that.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter of his supply space. “Do you...want to maybe find out if i’ve improved?”

“I don’t know. You tell me. We’re bad at flirting.” We both smiled as he stepped closer to me, cupping my face in his hand. He was slow to lower his lips to mine but when he did i clutched onto his shirt, pulling him flush against me. I was crushed between him and the wall, not protesting at all as I liked how strong and sturdy he felt. It was only mere seconds before our kiss got hungrier, deeper, and filled with long overdue moans that drove us wild. We only broke apart to catch our breaths that felt like they had been held for ages.

“Wow…” I whispered.

“What’s the verdict?”

“Definitely still good.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for another round. His large hands grabbed onto my waist, gripping as tightly as he could and accidentally crashed us into the counter. I felt the corner jab into my back and winced in pain. “Ow! Fuck!”

“Shit! Sorry! Sorry!” He looked around the still tight space. “This isn’t going to work out. Do you maybe want to go upstairs? To my place?”

I smiled a big lovey dovey dopey smile, all giggles and giddiness at the prospect of us finally being together. I nodded quickly and he grabbed onto my hand, pulling me out of the office. We tried to slip away as quietly as we could to Yuto’s apartment, not wanting to let his coworkers see us leave though a few teasing whistles followed us as we went up the flight of stairs. When we arrived at the door, he smoothly set the key in the lock and turned it. His hands weren't shaking at all but it felt like my entire body was rattling in anticipation. Once inside I could barely see as the apartment was so dark. Only haphazardly thrown city lights that fell through the window illuminating the sparsely decorated space. The lack of light didn't bother me much as I would much rather feel my way over his body. I expected him to take control, maybe push me up against the door or wall, pick me up and toss me on the bed, but he just stood there.

His weight shuffled between each foot as his gaze was more occupied by the carpet than me. "Yuto? Are you ok?" I whispered. For some reason it felt like I shouldn't startle him.

"What? Oh, yeah, i-i am…"

"You're not really doing anything...Do you not want to anymore?"

"N-no! No! I do! It's just that…" He sighed and looked like he wanted to shrink away. "I got nervous all of a sudden."

I knew Yuto had a soft side but I felt like he had been so confident back at the restaurant. His nervousness now shocked me. "Nervous? Why?"

"It's been so long. We've...I'm sure we've both wanted this since we were teenagers and now that you're here I don't want to fuck this up."

"What makes you think you will?! Yuto…" I pulled him close to me by his hands. "Yuto...don't think that, ok?" I placed soft kisses on his lips while feeding him comforting words. I didn't want him to feel pressured into perfection. I much preferred us to have a good time and not think about all the events that culminated up to this moment. We never thought that this chance encounter would happen or that we would end up in each other's arms again but now that we were it seemed more like a fantasy than reality. "Just give me you. It's all I want."

He pressed his forehead against mine and held onto my waist once more. "But I want it to be. I want it to be perfect."

"No, don't do that to yourself. I care about us making each other feel good, ok? That's all I want, swear it. Let me make you feel good."

He nodded with a heavy sigh, still a bit tentative. I decided to take over, hoping that catering to him would ease his nerves and spark that bit of confidence in him again. I shifted our positions so that his back was now against the wall as I caressed his chest and covered him in more kisses. Through the desperate battle of our lips I managed to slip my hands under the hem of his shirt and shuffle it upwards. He pulled it off by the collar, tossing it somewhere beside us while I became completely entranced by his toned body. The tight v neck he had worn left nothing to the imagination but seeing every inch of his torso uncovered was much more pleasurable than having a fabric barrier between us. 

I worked my hands over every dip and striation in his muscles before lowering myself slowly, winding kissing in a heated trail down to the waistband of his jeans. When I was on my knees looking up at him, he seemed to want to protest. He gripped onto my shoulder and pushed against me ever so slightly. I ignored him, shoving his hand aside, as I busied myself with unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down to the middle of his thighs. With just enough room to expose the front of his underwear, i began to tease him with coy licks through the fabric. He let out a shaky breath as I started to increase the length of my licks flowing over the beginnings of his hardening cock. I felt the tension in his thighs finally dissipate and with him relaxing more I eased my mouth over his head and sucked slowly.

His large hand pressed into the back of my skull, not too rough or hard but enough to signal that he wanted more. I moved his underwear down to rest above his jeans, licking my lips as I saw him. I bit my lip for just a second, thinking of all the possibilities of what he would make me feel. I wanted to see his full potential and with that I wrapped my lips around him once more, guiding him so he filled my mouth. I increased the speed of my sucks, hollowing out my cheeks and gripping his base loosely. His hips worked against me, creating a flowing rhythm that coaxed soft, deep moans from him. His voice was like silk; a sensual melody that made goosebumps spread across my arms. I had always had a secret attraction to his voice but hearing it in this manner had me pressing my thighs together.

His fingertips dug into my scalp as his fingers clenched harder around my hair. His thrusts were becoming greedier as he arched his body from the wall. I looked up at him at the same moment he had happened to look down at me. Though i was hard to flex my occupied mouth into a smile, I was sure he could at least see how much I was beaming. He let out a small gasp and turned away then, shying away again. I released him, licking my lips to clear the saliva linked between us. I fisted my hand over his shaft instead, working tight strokes over his length. “Are you going to be shy all night, Mr. Beefy Tattoo Artist Man?”

“S-shut up.” He grumbled. “I’m not shy…”

I tried to hide my giggle as much as possible, knowing he was trying to keep up his tough act and failing miserably. I gave his tip as quick kiss before I rose to my feet. “I think the blush on your cheeks say otherwise.” I teased as I grabbed his hand. I tugged him forward, working my way through his apartment in search of his bedroom.

He ignored my little taunt and instead guided me in the direction of his room, all while trying to keep his pants up. I opened the door and he let my hand go to head over to the small lamp by his bed. He flicked it on and kicked off his jeans before plopping down on the mattress. He reclined back on his arms, legs slightly open and gave me the once over. “I don’t think it’s fair that you’re still dressed.”

“Oh? You dont?” I chuckled. “Does that mean I should do one of those cheesy strip teases where I toss my bra at you?”

“No way!” A big grin crossed his face as he grabbed onto my wrist and yanked me to stand between his thighs. “You’re such a dork, you know that?.”

I pushed his long jet black bangs away from his face and kissed his forehead. “Well, duh. Wait,” A question suddenly popped into my train of thought. “Do you still watch One Piece?”

“We’re about to fuck and that’s what you ask me?” He said, incredulously.

“I’m just curious! I dont know...I remembered when we were in your room and we were watching it together and I gave you the phone charm. And then we had our first kiss.” I shrugged meekly and buried my head in his chest. I was now tha one who was embarrassed that I had brought up such a dumb question at a time like this.

He kissed the top of my head and chuckled. “Trust me, I’ve never forgotten that day. And to answer your question, yes I still do.”

“Is it still on tv?!”

“Not really but the manga continued so i read that online. It’s never gonna stop, I swear. I think theres like over 800 chapters or something.”

“Who goes on that many pirate adventures?! Why in the world would-” I stopped myself as I realized if I kept talking we were going to end up on a tirade about anime. “Sorry, this isn’t really the best dirty talk, huh?”

He smiled and ran his hands over my hips. “Honestly, you’re still turning me on. I’m not that great at dirty talk anyway. I think I sound weird. I like having a nice conversation instead. Takes away from me feeling so tense.” He slipped a couple of fingers beneath my chin, raising my head to feed me a round of kisses. This time they were a bit more gentler, slower even. My heart warmed at his tenderness, fluttering a bit when the tip of his tongue grazed against my bottom lips as if he was asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I parted my lips and leaned into him more. He lowered himself back on the mattress, letting me straddle his hips and give him room to slide his hands beneath my shirt. His brushed his hands up and down my sides, flowing upwards every so often to cup my breasts and knead them within his long fingers. I tried to bite back a small moan but it escaped into his mouth and caused a chain reaction of sensations. His hips bucked up between my thighs and I could feel his hardness against the center of my jeans. His thumbs trapped my nipples in a small and tantalizing pinch and his teeth sunk into my lip and tugged on it slightly.

“Take this off.” He whispered against my jaw that he began to turn his attention to. He grabbed at my shirt and i sat back on his hips, separating us for a moment to pull it over my head. My bra came next, letting me be completely open to stare at. He used his strength to toss me down, hovering over me this time. With my body now more exposed for him, his tongue was much more enthusiastic about sliding over my chest and capturing my nipple between his lips. I eased into a sigh, falling into the bliss of the simplistic movement. His fingers trickled down my stomach before hooking onto the button of my jeans. He flicked it open and slid the zipper down to give space for his hand to fall beneath my panties. I inched my legs apart more and set one hand on the back of his head and the other to hold onto his broad shoulder. I felt his middle finger move between my lower lips, stroking the length of it and coming back to circle around my clit. I breathed out his name as my nails sunk into his skin, trying to ground myself into reality before I lost it completely.

"This ok?" He murmured once his lips left one of my nipples. I found it strange that he was checking in on me- no one had really done that for me before, especially when going so slow.

"Ah...um, yeah. Why wouldn't it be?" I asked.

He hid behind his bangs that had fallen over his forehead again. "I don't know," he shrugged. "Just figured I'd ask."

"I swear I'm ok. I'm not a delicate flower, you should know that by now." I joked.

"Yeah, don't punch me in the nose please."

"You're the one who taught me how to fight anyway." We smiled as I gripped onto my underwear and jeans and slid them off. "This is better. More room for your big ass hand and long fingers."

"A-ah...well…"

I hooked my leg around his waist and set his hand back between my thighs. "Keep going...please."

He sighed softly and slipped back into his motions, coating his fingers with my cum and working long strokes over me. I wiggled my hips in time with him, creating more heated friction that made my stomach clench. Soon enough he pushed a solitary finger inside, pressing me open just a bit and curling against my sensitive walls. I could feel his eyes raking over me; the way my back arched and hands flowed over my chest. A rumble came from deep within his throat and suddenly I could feel his breath ghosting over my clit. The heat of his tongue enveloped me while his finger still worked away, another one being added to the mix. I moved one of my hands to grip his hair, wanting his tongue to be engraved into my skin. He was cautious with his licks too, easing the tip of his tongue up and down almost in time with his fingers. I had never been blessed with someone as attentive as him. Every detail mattered.

His knuckles nudged against my entrance, signaling that all of the length of his fingers was inside me. The tips of his fingers were circling around an extremely delicate area which made a shrill moan escape me. It was similar to a childish squeak and I didn’t know that I could even make that sound, let alone embarrass myself even further. I felt him chuckle against me in a self satisfactory and smug kind of way. I tugged on his hair as a little payback and instead of a protest I got a little growl from him. Fever washed over me like a torrid wave, flowing with the tease of an orgasm. My thighs clamped around his head, making me feel like I was suffocating him but I couldnt help it. Gone was my sense of coherence as his tongue wiggled its way in beside his fingers and made me lose control. My legs tensed around him tighter, my fingers dug into his scalp, and my breath was completely gone. I felt him tap the side of my thigh as he wanted release. I eased myself down and unlocked my vice grip on him, allowing him to surface again.

“You trying to kill me?” He chuckled as he licked his lips.

“S-sorry.” I panted. “I couldn’t help it!”

He crawled on top of me, only lowering his head for a kiss. “Well, i’m glad you enjoyed it, babe. I could probably get used to suffocating between your thighs anyhow.”

I smushed his head away playfully and turned onto my stomach. "Get out of here!"

"Now who's the shy one?" I felt him work kisses down my spine, swirling patterns into my skin every few vertebrae. His hands smoothed over my hips, gently rubbing over them before cupping my ass.

"I'm not being shy!" I said, slightly muffled by the pillow I was gripping onto. "You're just...hmm…" I tried to wiggle away but he wrapped his arms around my ribcage and held me against his chest. I could feel his hardness poking at the junction of my thighs, teasing me with its subtle throbbing and neediness.

"I'm what?" He squeezed me tighter as he buried his face in my neck, distracting me with pecks.

"You're just...you know...good. You feel good. You feel like how I always dreamt you would." I slid my hand over his and intertwined our fingers tightly.

"I could say the same about you. Though you feel way way way more amazing." He kissed the back of my hand and pulled away for a moment to reach under his bed.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Getting a condom from my bin, why?"

"Why is it under your bed?!" I nudged him.

"It's my secret stash, okay! Leave me alone." He laughed and sat back up on the bed as he ripped open the foil.

"Who are you keeping secrets from, huh?" I asked as I booped his nose.

"No one! I told you I don’t like being out in the open!" He wrinkled his nose and shifted away from me to pull the condom on.

"Oh? What kind of other stuff you got in there, huh? Let me see!" I dove forward and tried to take a peek under his bed but Yuto grabbed me and pinned me down, using all his weight on top of me.

"Dont be such a pain in the ass!"

I nudged my ass back against him, giving it a little wiggle. "Maybe i like being a pain in the ass!" I teased. It was fun having banter like this. It felt so natural; i was with my best friend after all. We were all too comfortable with each other and that made every passing moment, every giggle, every kiss and squeeze all the better. I was still laughing but Yuto had quieted down. Instead of poking fun, his hands wrapped around my hipbones. He jerked my body onto its knees and i could feel him sliding through the wetness he had created. I pursed my lips, instantly shutting up as my breath stilled. My eyes fluttered shut, closing out the rest of the world and only focusing on him. I could no longer hear the buzzing of tattoo machines downstairs or how loud his coworkers laughed. Yuto's soft whispers of praises were the only thing floating around my head.

He splayed one of his hands on my lower back, adding just a bit of force so i dipped my stomach towards the bed. His other hand nudged between us to line himself up with my awaiting eagerness, guiding his head in. We both sucked in a harsh breath that seemed to be held until he was full seated inside. Neither of us moved; it was as if time had stopped and both of us hadnt changed. "Y-you ok?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Ye-yeah. It's fine. Totally fine." I looked back at him over my shoulder. "Go ahead and move.”

He nodded, accepting my permission. His thighs wedged between my own, forcing my legs apart wider. He pulled back, readying his first thrust and when he returned it was like i could feel every inch within the pit of my stomach. My fingers clenched around the pillow as I was stunned by how deep he was getting. Even with such little time connected together I could feel my nerves rocketing under my skin. Something about the way his hands seemingly never wanted to leave my body or the way he kept forcing my hips back against him to keep the perfect rhythm between us was making me a frenzied mess. Every slam of my ass against his hips was like heaven, which seemed silly for me to say. The past men in my life were selfish and nothing to brag about. But with Yuto it was like he was worshiping me, treating me like a queen who deserved to feel nothing but pleasure.

I shuddered when I felt his lips ghost over my spine. He kissed each vertebrae as he made his way up towards my neck when his lips resided against my ear. The softness of his labored breaths filled my eardrum and made me freeze under him. “I cant believe you feel this good.” His voice was trembling slightly as he worked through his thrusts, his bashfulness surfacing again. He had pockets of confidence but more waves of shyness which was how he always was. A defender and fighter for me and for himself but the softest angel beneath. Perhaps that was what made me fall in love in the first place.

“Years of thinking about you just like this probably gave me some practice.” I chortled but still was completely serious.

“You thought about me when you touched yourself?” He asked, astonished.

“Almost always, though it was a bit hard to picture what you looked like as an adult. I was able to still imagine what you would feel like. But you beat my expectations.” I bit onto my bottom lip as i rolled myself back against him, the tip of his cock teasing the beginnings of my entrance just a bit.

“You thought about the way I’d feel right here?” His hand pressed against my lower stomach, pairing with a swift thrust. “Or maybe here?” He traversed lower to circle the pads of his fingertips over my clit bringing a sharp gasp out of me. I nodded, pathetically admitting more to my dirty little secret that only seemed to entice him more. “I like that...:” His deep voice was accompanied by a long lick to the shell of my ear. His teeth dug into the tender cartilage, a hidden turn on of mine. His movements became stronger and it felt as if the bed was shifting beneath us. I pulled the pillow taught against my chest, clutching onto it for dear life as if it would keep me grounded and hold out long enough for a full explosion of desire. Through his sturdy plunges his fingers remained giving attention to my sensitive bud, a bit haphazard but still focused enough to make my toes plant themselves into the mattress. I brought my hand down to cover his, guiding him into the motions that I wanted a bit better. All the attention was making me a puddle of lust that was ready to dive headfirst into losing control.

“Yuto.” I whimpered. “P-please…”

He stopped suddenly and pulled away before shifting me onto my back. He grabbed my jaw firmly, forcing me to look at him. “I want to see you when you do.”

My eyes widened in surprise as his erotic statement, never expecting him to utter such a thing. A small smirk crossed his lips which folded over mine, prying into my mouth and bringing our tongues together. He shifted himself to fall back into my heat while his hand left my face and tangled our fingers together. I squeezed his hand and wrapped my legs around his torso as beads of sweat formed at my temples. He was everything I needed in this moment, or rather my life but i wasnt sure how to face those feelings yet. In two weeks I would leave but now I had a reason to stay. I couldn’t leave for fear of not seeing him for another ten years. Tears prickled behind my eyelids and i tried to will them away. I couldn’t be enveloped by sadness when i was the happiest i’ve ever been.

Yuto left my lips with a small nibble and moved his kisses down to my chest. He infused the valley between my breasts with rushed presses, shifting to wraps his lips around my nipple again and suck deeply. My body arched into his, falling into temptation as my thighs squeezed his torso. His free hand cupped my other breast, pinching the nipple to life. I wrapped my arm under his, my fingers extending over the muscles that rippled beneath his skin with every thrust he made. The swelling of his hardness only stretched me further, making me clamp down and force him to work through the tightness. His lips left my chest only to utter my name in a staggered breath. He lifted his head to see my eyes flutter close. His thumb returned to my clit, more vigorous in its fevered circles but not having to work long before i gave in. Everything rushed out of me; tension, my orgasm, my breath, his name. It was all gone in seconds and his gaze never left me. He placed a kiss on my forehead before burying himself in my neck. 

He slipped his arm across my lower back, lifting my hips while i propped myself on my elbows. He rutted his hips in rough circles, gaining speed as he got closer to his own orgasm. Him fucking me just like this was a perfect contrast to us making love and the most delicious ending to our night. I held his head against my neck, nesting my fingers in his hair and assuring him that I wanted him to cum for me, cum hard and cum fast. His hold on me tightened and i was suddenly filled with heat spreading within me. We stayed together for a bit, holding onto each other before the fatigue set in big time. Slowly, we eased onto our backs, laying beside one another with our hands still being held between us.

“Damn,” Yuto chuckled. “You’re making me wish you could stay here forever.”

The sad realization returned and i let go of him to try and distance the feelings that were wedged between us. “I’m only here for two weeks…”

“Yeah? Well at least that’s two weeks of us...you know.” He gave me a wink but noticed my somber demeanor. “What’s wrong?”

“Yuto, I…” I took a deep breath and barely wanted to exhale. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. During the decade we were apart I tried to love other people but you were always in the back of my mind. I’m not sure if it was the same for you but now that we’ve somehow met again I don’t know what to do. When i go back home I’ll just miss you again.”

“I didn’t really want to think about this because it hurts too much. I don’t know what to do either. I want you here but we both have lives in different parts of the world. I can’t ask you to up and leave just to be with me. And i have my business here.”

“We’d be so far apart. What if I don’t see you again for another decade?” I sniffled.

“Babe,” He sighed and pulled me to him. “I won’t let that happen. Not again. Our parents aren’t hovering above us anymore. We’re free now. It will be hard but...if you want it then let’s do it.”

“I do want it but...i’m scared.”

“Scared? Of what?”

“Of losing you. I have no idea when I’ll see you again.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” He said. “Remember how I fought for you all those years ago? Nothing’s changed. I wont ever let you go.”

[powermetalhag]

Digging Deeper

 @alienfuckeronmain​ tagged me in this massive tag meme (Thank you!! I love doing these things). If I tag you, feel free to ignore this if you don’t feel up to doing it/reading it. If you aren’t tagged and want to be, feel free to just say I tagged you ❤

I tag: @flowerkitten @meemimajima @darlingdear @wizards1977 @violet-tea @lickthatbattery @lusamine @misfit-on-a-journey @lampshroomomg @cyrsed @wooden-duck @wildbayou @curse-you @ghostly-rowlf​ @icedchailatte​ @oni-lover​

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? black

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? City

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I’d love to be able to sing and metal-scream really well. I’m trying to learn but I practice pretty inconsistently and it’s an uphill battle bc I don’t have much natural aptitude for it. Also it would be really cool to be a contortionist. 

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I don’t drink coffee. Sometimes I sweeten tea, sometimes I don’t.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? I didn’t like reading books much as a child. When it came to reading novels, my reading comprehension was pretty below average (I think I posted about this ages ago, but when I tried to read Harry potter when I was 7 I couldn’t follow it at all. I somehow thought that Harry and Hagrid were the same character and that Hagrid was just the name for Harry’s Wizard self. My concentration just wasn’t there). I read a lot of manga though. I think my favourites were fushigi yuugi, saint tail, and miracle girls.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Hobbit

8. Paper or electronic books? I prefer paper books, but I mostly use electronic ones.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? my cloud-print long sleeved mesh shirt

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I used to want to change it, I don’t anymore. 

11. Who is a mentor to you? I don’t think I have one

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I like the idea of creative projects of mine becoming a little bit known, but I’d never want to be famous.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Not really

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? I’m probably less romantic than the average person, but in the right situation I can be.

15. Which element best represents you? I associate myself with fire (bc I'm a leo) but in some ways water or air might better represent me. Idk.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? Honestly? Pretty much all of my friends. My life is complicated and the severity of my ocd makes me keep everyone at a distance more than I’d like to.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? Everyone who I haven’t seen since quarantine started.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. As young kids my sister and I hated Tracey Sketchit from pokemon so passionately that we would draw his face on the bottom of our feet before going to jump on the trampoline so that we could feel like we were jumping on him

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? When we were little my sister and I would sometimes eat raw dried spaghetti dipped in vegemite when there was no other easy snacks in the house. We called them cardboard sticks. (The food situation in my house wasn’t dire or anything, we were just too lazy to make a sandwich or something lol)

20. What are you most thankful for? I am thankful for the people I have in my life and for the amount of stability i’ve been able to have in my life in recent times.

21. Do you like spicy food? I do, but if I eat it often enough to increase my tolerance to it I get bad reflux. So I remain a spice wimp who can only have mild.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? Zakk Wylde, Chris Lilley, and some guy who was on Blue Heelers. Also I spoke to Tracy Grimshaw on the phone once. Meeting Zakk Wylde was funny because I was REALLY weird and embarrassing.

(Long story ahead, feel free to skip) Basically, my friend and I were 16 and wandering through the city high on acid. We saw Zakk standing near Hungry Jacks and became completely captivated by him. We had no idea he was some big famous rockstar, we thought he was just some random guy. I cannot convey to you how intense his presence felt at that time. It was like he was everything that is and ever will be metal but congealed into a human being and magnified by 2000x. (in case you don’t know him, he looks like this)

We were so high that we were very in our own world and felt like we were the only ones who really existed and that everything else was just kinda there for us to observe. So we started following him and discussing him as if he couldn’t hear every word we were saying. 

I remember us being like “He’s the most metal thing i’ve seen in my life” “He’s like Neptune, king of the sea, but a brutal version” “He’s the raw original concept that all other metalheads were disseminated from. He’s the true, the original.” It made sense at the time that he could be the origin point of metal and the first ever metalhead because time and space felt like it existed in a looser way than usual. We were really fixated on the idea that metal was invented through his very existence as a direct expression of self, then people copied him, then people copied those people and so on. The further they got from the source (Zakk) the more diluted the essence became. That’s why being around normal metalheads wasn’t as viscerally overwhelming as being in the presence of the raw undiluted concept. We concluded that no metalheads were actually expressing themselves through their subcultural identity. Unknowingly, they’re just expressing him. And we were saying all of this while walking maybe a metre and a half behind him while he ignored us.

Eventually some of the people he was with noticed we were following him and started talking to us (they may have been members of Black label society or they may have just been friends of his, idk). They were friendly and said that they used to do acid when they were younger too and invited us to get drunk with them. We said yes and walked with them for a little. I don’t think Zakk said a word to us the entire time. He probably found us annoying. But we kept staring at Zakk and getting overwhelmed by how intense it was just to be in his presence. Then me and my friend abruptly turned and left without saying anything because being around Zakk was getting to be too much. It was like a sensory overload. As we walked away we barely heard them yelling back to us “something something something ZAKK WYLDE!”. I was familiar with the name but I’d never known how he looked. I googled him a few days later and learned that it was indeed Zakk Wylde who we met and that he’d been in Brisbane with black label society.

And that’s the story of how I passed up the once in a lifetime opportunity to get drunk with Zakk Wylde because his vibes were off the charts.

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? No. Kinda wish I could, but the habit doesn’t stick.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil?  Pencil

25. What is your star sign? Leo sun (Virgo cusp), Scorpio moon, Sagittarius rising.

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Crunchy

27. What would you want your legacy to be? I’d like to have a positive effect on the people in my life and leave art behind that people might enjoy or relate to (I use the word art loosely, I mean any kind of creative project). I think I've become more aware recently of how important that is to me, which is why I've been so uncharacteristically dedicated to finishing my comic.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I like reading books but I don’t always have the attention span for it. I tend to read more non-fiction than fiction. The last book I read was Nothing Feels Good: Punk Rock, Teenagers, and Emo. A really great book if you want to learn about emo history. The only downside is that it was published in 2003, before emo really took off in the mainstream. Had some insightful things to say regardless.

29. How do you show someone you love them? Idk I can’t think of a concise answer for this. I think it varies depending on who it is and what our dynamic is. When I took that love language test it said my love language was quality time.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? I don’t like it in water. It’s fine in most other drinks.

31. What are you afraid of? I don’t think I can answer this without oversharing or getting too bleak

32. What is your favourite scent? I like tropical scents like mango and coconut

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? By their name

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I’d buy a house with my sister and I wouldn’t have a job but I'd volunteer and do freelance creative work. I’d donate a lot more and help people out more. I’d learn lots of new skills and make lots of art. I would have an amazing wardrobe too.

A kinda sillier dream is that I'd start a cheerleading team where our routines are exclusively to metal songs. As well as entering competitions, we would also be an opening act for bands (in this dream i’m much better at cheerleading than I currently am). It would be cool ok

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean.? Ocean. I miss going to the beach so much

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? See if someone dropped it. Then idk, would depend on my financial situation at the time.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Yes

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I’m not going to have children. I’d like to be a good influence in my friend’s children’s lives though.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? Probably some old-school gradient style neopets art (maybe an aisha) or 90s tamagotchi art or a cool wizard. I’d get it on my thigh. I’m very unlikely to ever get a tattoo though

40. What can you hear now? The hum of my computer. It’s old and loud and on its way out

41. Where do you feel the safest? In my bed at home with my cat Luna or hanging out w my sister

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? Once coronavirus is less of an issue (which may be in the near future where I live), I’d like to try and push myself to start dating again. I haven’t done that in a long while. The limitations that ocd causes me makes it hard for me to imagine a relationship-- even a casual one--being workable. But I ought to at least try before I decide that. Sometimes things turn out to be easier than I think they’ll be 🤷‍♀️.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? This is so hard!!

If this is purely for enjoyment and not to change the past, i’d probably just want to see all my favourite bands live while they were in their prime and like, cry the whole way through because I am so moved.

44. What is your most used emoji? :) or :/ 

45. Describe yourself using one word. I’m really bad at questions like this

46. What do you regret the most? Eh, that’s a bit personal. I feel like i’ve overshared enough in this thing.

47. Last movie you saw? Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days

48. Last tv show you watched? Degrassi the next generation

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Idk

If you’ve read this far ty!! Here’s a little sheep for your trouble

[haro-ra]

Have you covered MeristaxCatra for the ship tag already? If no, please do!

1. My take on their canon relationship:

Mermista: Is kinda mean, kinda goofy, kind of doesn’t care about other people all that much

Catra: is kinda mean, kinda goofy, kinda doesn’t care about other people all that much. 

They don’t really interact in canon, which is why I have two unrelated screenshots instead of one clip when they’re interacting, but the two are rather similar, from my interpretation. And let me be clear, when I say they “don’t care about others all that much” I don’t mean they don’t care, I just mean that they have circles of “my people” and “not my people” and while they care VERY STRONGLY and VERY PASSIONATELY about EVERYONE in the “my people” bubble, anyone outside of it is… well… why should they care? Mermista’s introduction to us is her telling Glimmer “Bright Moon hasn’t done anything to help us, why should we help them?” and Catra’s got this whole thing about treating the auxiliary Horde soldiers like they’re disposable canon fodder to get what she wants. Obv those two are not equal examples but they stem from the same place of apathy. Meanwhile, people like Adora and (though she doesn’t show or even realize it until it’s too late) Scorpia get Catra’s fierce affection and attention, just, like, warped by Horde-rearing and SW’s mindfucking, and people like Sea Hawk and the country of Salenias get Mermista’s begrudging affection and protective devotion; plus her line when Glimmer and Bow were kidnapped was “They took one of our own,” indicating that it was Mermista’s attachment to them, not any intrinsic righteousness, that prompted her to help rescue them. 

2. Do I ship them:

Yeeeeee

3. Reasons why I do/don’t ship them;

I mentioned that they’re similar in terms of “mine” and “not mine,” but they’re similar in other ways too. They’re both characters who, you get so used to them being bitchy and put upon, you don’t expect their goofier side when it comes out. Catra’s spazz reaction to mice, the way she pounces on Adora and steals her belongings, or tugs on her ponytail and asks if she’s brain damaged, these are all things that endear us to her, show us her sillier side before everything goes to hell in her mental sphere, and we see glimpses of it again in the “perfect” portal reality. Mermista, who loves dnd roleplaying and mystery novels, plus acts both her rp character and said novels out in real life. Yes, one is trying hard to be Evil Overlord 2.0 and yes, one is a Queen with a Reputation To Uphold, but they’re also goofs. 

Plus, they don’t really have friends like each other until DT comes around, and Mermista is still kinda in the lurch. All the princesses are great, they’re varied, they cover the full expanse of human emotion, but none of them really hit that “cool older sister from a 90′s sitcom” vibe that Mermista’s riding, Sea Hawk least of all. Catra gets to hang out with DT and have a petty cold hard bitch for a friend, but that, yknow, blows up. I would still love to see the three of them just, like, being petty gossipy buddies, though, hanging out and acting cooler than everyone else. I also think it would be fun if Mermista and Catra kissed.

Because I think that, in a world where Catra isn’t spiraling badly, Catra would really admire Mermista. Sort of a “You’re the only one in this room that I respect” kind of admiration, where Mermista isn’t all sparkles and glitter and flowers, but a rock and roll kind of gal. Catra would like that. And I think Mermista would be fond of Catra, first because she’s a break from all the over the top energy and theatrics Sea Hawk and the other princesses embody, and because Catra’s absolutely the devil on her shoulder encouraging her to indulge in minor acts of destruction and havoc. Mermista likes fighting, she likes clubbing soldiers with her trident and then flinging them into the ocean, there’s no reason to assume she would not also like stealing a skiff and causing a night of reckless nuisance to some unsuspecting town. Just a little.

Also, Mean Girls AU where Catra, Mermista, and DT are the mean girls (and enby)

4. Headcanon, if any:

Catra getting a crush on Mermista would absolutely mellow out her behaviors. Mermista’s so cool and performatively apathetic, Catra would feel the need to reign it in and chill out in order to impress her/show they’re on the same page. Mermista’s behaviors, meanwhile, would amp up, going along with Catra’s desire to make a menace out of herself, knocking over mailboxes and scattering plastic spoons over athletic fields and whatnot.

Also PLEASE imagine Mermista being the one to give Catra a leather jacket because That Was A Look and the two can absolutely be rock n roll together.

5. How much do I ship (%):

85%

[youryanderestuff]

Hello! Before reading this, please be aware that this is going to be a veeeeeery long story telling. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I will definitely love it if you have anything to say, as long as it helps me or the one I'm posting about. Thanks!

I have a friend, his name is Ivan, and we've been friends for three months already. But a month before that he's been my crush (he's a good singer and shares wholesome contents on facebook) and he never fails to amaze me everytime he updates his story with his short covers. For two months I can only see him in his stories. Sometimes he posts videos of himself doing some cute stare-at-the-phone-cam shit and I find myself smiling at those.

I had a chance to reach out to him one time. I'm the... let's say the leader of the choir of our department (college of architecture and urban planning), and an executive officer suggested that in order for us to have a fixed schedule of rehearsal, I should find a time where everyone is free. So I asked the members to send their schedules so I can get it done. Everyone's had their schedules sent, except Ivan. He wasn't replying to my chats in the facebook group chat so I sent him a PM. And to my surprise he replied almost instantly. And basically, it's where our friendship started.

This start of friendship was very timely. Yearly (if I'm right), the licensed, graduates, and architecture student gather together to attend the Anthology Festival. It was supposedly for the degree holders only, I guess, but since Anthology was held in the Philippines this year, students were also invited. We've seen foreign architects and architecture students, had attended seminars and debates whose speakers are both from our country and from other countries, and (my favorite part) go home with a lot of architectural magazines and some other loot bags and free items from different booths (I even got the hang of riding scooters). I messaged Ivan on the day the first day of Anthology was held. We were both running behind the schedule but I was kind of ahead of him so it didn't really stress me out. We were spamming each other with nonsense messages while walking along the streets of Intramuros going to the Fort Santiago, and I'm sure I've spent more time looking at my phone than looking ahead while walking. The guy's just so funny I couldn't afford to ignore his messages.

I reached the venue exactly on the last minute of the grace period. Minutes later, he said that he's already in the venue, too, and that he can see me laughing with my professor in the line. Another couple of minutes had passed and I joined my block mates for some small chit-chat, before finally coming with my friends. There were four of us in the group, and Angela, a friend of mine as well, also had this crush on Ivan, only a bit longer than I thought. I was cool with that. Bla bla bla. There was a time in that day when I yelled Ivan's name and waved and smiled at him the way I'd smile at my dearest friends, and he waved back, a bit startled, but gave the same amount response to me. Angela was looking at me, anxious that I might dump her and reveal her feelings for Ivan. For the rest of the day I enjoyed the company of my friends, but at the same time keeping in touch with this cute guy.

Second day of Anthology Festival was the most memorable of all those three, because that was the day that I got the chance to be with him, just the two of us. A UAPSA officer (and a friend of mine) asked me to buy some strings for the guitar they're gonna use (because she's asked to perform, dragging with her one of my senior officers in the student council, and a shifter to play the guitar for them) for their performance. That day it was raining and fortunately for me, Ivan was alone, so I asked him if he can come with me to buy guitar strings. He wasn't up for it right away, maybe because we've been talking with each other for like two days only, but eventually he agreed. It was the first time of me seeing him, telling him jokes and all up close, I mean, it's so hard to focus when he's around! He's really cute and has this humor that always gets me (before the event we were only walking past each other, looking at each other in the eye until he immediately lets go my eyes). That day was just too awesome, I even brought him to my friends so that he won't be alone for the rest of the day. Angela was so happy about it, and I am too. Of course.

Later that night we all decided to go home, kissed the girls good bye, laughing with my gay friend's jokes while glancing at my back to make sure Ivan's still with us, until it was only the two of us walking through the dark streets of Intramuros. He's not talking too much so I decided to talk as much. It wasn't really a problem because he's giving the same vibe back to me. We rode the same jeep on our way home (although we're not living in the same place in Manila, so technically the route he took made his travelling time a bit longer lmao). The day was so tiring that I slept on his shoulder unknowingly, bit he said that it wasn't a problem with him, so I kind of dismissed that.

Days and weeks had passed, we're still talking with each other, he got along with my friends by sharing memes to them (I wasn't really fond of sharing memes). It felt good to me that he's loving the people in my group, knowing that he has always been alone, and that he's got no friends in his block, and that he's been suffering from depression (there were times when he would tell me he'd hurt himself).

More events had happened in our department, which give us more chance to spend time with each other, which, to my demise, was also the start of the conflict between all of us in the group. There were times when Angela would obviously try to get too close to Ivan, and observing my friend here, he doesn't seem to like it at all, because it kinda forces me to stay away from them and talk to someone else in our group. Ivan didn't like it because according to him, I was the only person in the group he's comfortable with. So to make the long story short, Angela was trying to get Ivan's attention, her efforts getting more and more intense than before, but Ivan doesn't seem to get affected by it.

I am a great observer. And I can tell that Angela's getting jealous. Maybe because I'm a girl, and that only girls can feel the underlying thoughts of other girls. Everytime Angela sees us talking and laughing with each other, or when Ivan takes pictures of me or taking videos then focuses it on me, I can see the changes in her mood, the coldness in her eyes occurring, and her words a bit harsh. I wasn't trying to get Ivan's attention though, he was the one who sticks with me, not me to him.

The same situation goes on and on for days, until I finally had enough and decided I should distance myself for a while. Ivan was so mad at it. At me. He ignored me for days. His depression got worse. I instinctively talked to him, but ending up being ignored. But I didn't give up. So yeah, after a week, we started talking again, telling shit to each other, talking behind people's backs... like we're the same as what we've started, only that our connection grew deeper.

One night I jokingly retweeted a bomboclaat, with a photo of spongebob's hands holding a piece of blank paper, and put a caption saying: "a list of people who promised they'd stay." he normally wouldn't pay attention to my tweets, except this one. He replied: "what am i then?" and then he chatted me on messenger, saying that he's confused as to why am I always like that, why do I always say that I'm alone when all this time he's been by my side, and that it hurts him whenever I say that, but cutting me off almost immediately with a 'whatever, it's alright' (I had a traumatic experience, and that didn't let me put my guard down since then). I was so worried about the fact that I just hurt him. Again. That was the last thing that I ever wanted to do to him. After that, he rarely talked to me, and it continues up to now. It happened a couple of days ago. And now I'm not liking how he shuts me out, but I know that it's my fault. Now he's telling me to not worry about it anymore, and that it hurts me because I'm starting to feel like my feelings and my traumas are getting invalidated.

I don't know what to do anymore, I wanted to stay for him, I chose to stay, to help him heal, to be drained by him, but now I'm not liking the consequences of it. But I know I'm not gonna give this up. I'm gonna stick by his side. I... I'm gonna love him without wanting to receive the same in return. It is my choice, and even if it hurts, even if he finds someone else to make him happy, I'll stay.

[hillbillyhippiemusicreview]

Post #46—Them Dirty Roses: Locked Down & Unplugged LIVE

“Cause I found the wind that blows, It’s blowin’ me back home 🎶”

Nashville-based southern rockers Them Dirty Roses recently let the wind blow them back to the Bama clay they were raised on for two consecutive nights of sold out shows at Sidetracks Music Hall in Huntsville, AL. General manager/talent buyer Shane Bickel was eager to re-open and provide both musicians and fans alike a safe, socially-distanced outlet for music, so Hillbilly Hippie Music Review made the trek there via Indiana and L.A. (that’s lower Alabama) to enjoy a couple nights of tunes post-lockdown.

Deemed “Locked Down & Unplugged LIVE,” the set of acoustic shows was the perfect, albeit different, way to kick off the return of live music—especially since HHMR’s last show before the nation-wide pandemic lockdown was in March with TDR at Sidetracks. Total full circle kind of moment, and one we wish we could have frozen in time. But, I’ve got to be frank—despite being a total glutton for acoustic music, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, being that everything had changed so quickly. Would people hesitate to interact? Would we dance and sing or sit there like statues? Would the energy in the room be relaxed or tightly-wound? At first, there was a bit of an unsure current in the air, but before long, everyone was loosened up and moving to the groove in their seats and all the ladies made their way to the stage to end each night with “Shake It,” a TDR ritual.

Before we dive into the specifics of the weekend, here’s a little background for readers unfamiliar with TDR: Brothers James Ford (vocals and guitar) and Frank Ford (drums) formed Them Dirty Roses with their friends Andrew Davis (guitar) and Ben Crain (bass) in Gadsden, AL circa 2012 prior to moving to Tennessee to travel the country playing their brand of rock and roll and finding success both stateside and across Europe. Their sound is a bit southern rock heavy laden with outlaw vibes, and a bit party band mixed with a penchant for slower, sentimental jams—in other words, it’s eclectic and every bit as unique as the four men who form the band. However you describe it, a TDR show is always a good time—and it only takes one to get hooked on the electric energy these guys bring to the stage. On June 5th and 6th in a little venue off by the railroad tracks in Rocket City, the vibe was killer and the feeling was out of this world. Not only were the fans ready to rock, but the band was ecstatic and thankful to be back in action.

HHMR contributor Linda Owen’s first-ever TDR show was March 13–the night the country shut down due to the pandemic. She has the unique perspective of experiencing the “typical” wide-open TDR show and the stripped, intimate version back to back. Here’s what she had to say:

“Three months without live music—I know I slowly watched myself go from the happiest most optimistic person I knew, to a complete mess. It may have seemed like I was okay, but I assure you I was not.

I’ve always known how much music has impacted my life. It has always brought me the greatest memories and blessed me with many friendships and there were so many times in my life where the only thing I had to hold on to was a song. Three months without my music family was torture. With that being said I'll never forget my first shows post-COVID-19. Ironically, the first post -COVID-19 show was at the same venue with the same band I saw pre-COVID-19, and it was perfect.

Let me set the scene. Sidetracks Music Hall is the kind of local music hall we all want in our hometowns: you feel at home as soon as you walk in, you are treated like family, and it has by far the friendliest staff and patrons of any place I've been to date. The venue possesses a large open floor plan with the bar area in the back, so there is not a bad spot to see the show. For this show in particular, tables are spread about what is normally the "pit" area. To be honest, I was a little nervous that this social distancing acoustic show wouldn’t quite fill that void that COVID-19 has left me feeling...I was so wrong. After getting settled in with a drink, my sidekick Lyssa and I did some mingling getting to talk to new-to-me friends that I'd made three months previously at the last show I had attended. The excitement in the room was palatable—and it only got better from there.

TDR hit the stage and you could feel the spirits of every single person in the room glowing around you. All the doubts that an acoustic show wasn't going to feel right with social distancing rules melted away! We danced and sang along like those tables weren't in the way the first night. "Whiskey in My Cup" "Grew Up In The Country" and "Molly" had us all on our feet grooving. We were treated to covers by The Black Crowes, Jason Isbell, and The Allman Brothers, in addition to fan favorites and new songs from their upcoming album expected to release in September—and we are stoked for it.

My heart and soul were happier those two nights than they'd been for the past three months. I sang my way back to Indiana..caught myself sing at work on Monday too!”

The magic wasn’t solely felt by the HHMR team—the air was saturated with it and everyone in the room had a taste that left them yearning for more. Below are a few comments from TDR fans:

“The first show post lock-down came with more enjoyment than just the music. We were super excited for the chance to get back out and hear live music! Them Dirty Roses were the last band we got to see prior to the lock-down. Now, it turns out that Them Dirty Roses would be the first post lock-down. The music was great! What we didn't anticipate was the joy it also brought by seeing so many friends with smiling faces! It was amazing to be seen again and to hear two nights of wonderful tunes!”

—Bud Gambrell

“Went to the Friday show and it was a group of guys that were ready for a show. They were the last band we saw before the Coronavirus shut things down in Huntsville. Looking forward to seeing them again.”

—Kevin Boyd

“The first show post quarantine was like something wonderful that I had been deprived of for a long time. I think sometimes we don't see how many things that surround us in life we take for granted. I see at least two live music shows a month. During the summer, I probably go to 2-3 shows a week. Honestly, it seemed like such a wonderful release and something that people needed. Everybody has something that feeds their spirit—mine is music. Being deprived of other people and the things we love are just some of the things that add to that depression that comes with the whole quarantine/covid situation. So, being around friends and music felt really great and normal. It seemed like life may be getting back to normal finally. I smiled all night!”

—Jerolyn Davis

“Needless to say, Them Dirty Roses put on one hell of a show two nights in a row, which was just what I needed after the almost three month drought of no live music! The fact that they were the last live show for me before everything shut down is kinda ironic and cool at the same time. I'm also very thankful to Sidetracks for putting on the shows, they rock!”

—Robin Huff

Guitarist Andrew Davis was on the same wavelength as many in attendance. When asked his thoughts on performing again post-pandemic, he said: “In March, the future of the entire industry was uncertain. We all knew that April was going to be postponed, but we couldn't even imagine postponing or cancelling the entire festival season. Then, weeks later, exactly that happened. With all of the uncertainty surrounding the future of our industry, it was very reassuring to get back out and play again. It definitely answered a lot of lingering questions about whether or not people would rush back to live venues.”

After last weekend, it seems life will slowly, but surely, get back on track and all will be right in our world again. Until that day comes, be sure to support live music and independent venues—such as Sidetracks who has hosted many fabulous performers like Anderson East, The Steel Woods, Black Stone Cherry, Adam Hood, Kingfish, Ritch Henderson, Muscadine Bloodline, Whitey Morgan and the 78s, and many, many more in addition to TDR—in whatever manner you can so that we have them to return to when COVID-19 restrictions are lifted nation-wide. And don’t forget to keep your eyes peeled for that new Them Dirty Roses record to release this fall—it’s without a doubt some of their best work. In the meantime, keep up with the band and their tour schedule at www.themdirtyroses.com and @themdirtyroses on both Facebook and Instagram.

As always, stay safe, spread love, and be kind to one another. See y’all down the road!

✌🏻💙🎶—Lyssa

*This is an independent review. The Hillbilly Hippie Music Review was not compensated for this review.

*The opinions expressed are solely that of the author(s).

*Fan quotes have been edited for conciseness and clarity.

*These images are not ours, not do we claim them in any way. They are copyrighted by Todd Dean with Butterdean Photography, Linda Owens, & Lyssa Culbertson.

[tswiftandtsn]

TSN x Lover Album Breakdown

So I see Lover as the album about Mark & Eduardo finally making up honestly, ala The Social Network 2, while also touching upon what happened in The Social Network

I Forgot That You Existed - Eduardo @ Mark after he got his fucking money

(HOW MANY DAYS DID I SPEND THINKING HOW YOU DID ME WRONG (EDUARDO) I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED AND I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD KILL ME BUT IT DIDN’T (EDUARDO), IT ISN’T LOVE IT ISN’T HATE IT’S JUST INDIFFERENCE (BOTH OF THEM)  Got out some popcorn as soon as my rep started going down, down, down, laughed on the school yard, as soon as I tripped up and hit the ground, ground, ground, and I would've stuck around for ya, would've fought the whole town, so yeah, would've been right there, front row, even if nobody came to your show (THE CHICKEN INCIDENT) But you showed who you are, then one magical night (DILUTION), 

Cruel Summer - Okay but like that was a cruel summer, but this is like the anthem for when Mark & Eduardo first got back in touch like

(Devils roll the dice (Mark), Angels roll their eyes (Eduardo), WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE, I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone (EDUARDO TO MARK),  And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know (EDUARDO TO MARK),  I'm drunk in the back of the car, and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar, said I'm fine, but it wasn't true (EDUARDO TO MARK) I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you (MARK TO EDUARDO),  And I screamed for whatever it's worth "I love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? (LITERALLY, BOTH OF THEM WOULD SAY THIS DUMB ASS SHIT), HE LOOKS SO PRETTY LIKE THE DEVIL (AGAIN BOTH OF THEM WOULD SAY THIS ABOUT THE OTHER)

Lover: LIKE WE’RE IN LOVE AND ONE DAY WE’LL GET MARRIED MARKWARDO WE HAPPY AGAIN

THE MAN: WOULD BE MARK

I WOULD BE COMPLEX, I WOULD BE COOL (MARK), I’D BE A FEARLESS LEADER, I’D BE THE ALPHA TYPE, WHEN EVERYONE BELIEVE’S YOU WHAT’S THAT LIKE (MARK), I’M SO SICK OF RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN (MARK), AND I’M SO SICK OF THEM COMING AT ME AGAIN (MARK AND ALL HIS FUCKING LAWSUITS), THEY’D SAY I HUSTLED PUT IN THE WORK, THEY WOULDN’T SHAKE THEIR HEADS AND QUESTION HOW MUCH OF THIS I DESERVE. WHAT I WAS WEARING IF I WAS RUDE. COULD I BE SEPERATED FROM MY GOOD IDEAS AND POWER MOVES (OKAY BUT LIKE THIS WAS MARK DREAMING OF HIM ENDING UP ON TOP LIKE FUCKING WHAT HE WAS WEARING AND IF HE WAS RUDE)

THE ARCHER: SAD AND SCARED MARKWARDO more in depth version on my blog

I THINK HE KNOWS: THIS IS THIRSTY MARK 

I think he knows, His hands around a cold glass, Make me wanna know that, body like it's mine (Mark),  He got that boyish look that I like in a man, I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans, It's like I'm 17, nobody understands (MARK, EDUARDO THE SWEET LOOKING BRAZILIAN AND HE IS THE ARCHITECT OF FACEBOOK),  Wanna see what's under that attitude  (Eduardo’s attitude),  I'll make myself at home, and he'll want me to stay, I think he knows, he better lock it down, or I won't stick around (EDUARDO: MARK BETTER PROPOSE SOON OR I’LL SMASH ANOTHER LAPTOP),  Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh (Mark’s indigo eyes!)

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: MARKWARDO SAPPY SADNESS

I counted days, I counted miles to see you there, to see you there, it's been a long time coming (SINGAPORE IS FAR AND THEY SHOULDA BEEN TOGETHER A LONG TIME AGO),  It's you and me, that's my whole world They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl" The whole school is rolling fake dice (MARK AND EDUARDO AGAINST THE WORLD, MARK IS A BAD BAD GIRL),  My team is losing, battered and bruising, I see the high fives between the bad guys, Leave with my head hung, you are the only one Who seems to care (FUCK THE WINKLEVII),  and I don't want you to (Go), I don't really wanna (Fight) Cause nobody's gonna (Win), I think you should come home (EDUARDO MOVE TO PALO ALTO PLEASSEEEE)

Paper Rings:

The moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met (DUSTIN WAS FUCKING HIGH THE NIGHT THEY FIRST MET),  Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet (MARK ENERGY),  Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street, Cat and mouse for a month or two or three, Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe (WHEN EDUARDO FIRST DIDN’T WANT TO MAKE UP WITH MARK),  Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (Oh) Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright (Uh) Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life (JUST YES), I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings (MARK ENERGY HE LIKES SHINY ELECTRONICS AND MARRYING HIM WITH PAPER RINGS IS HIS ENERGY),  Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this (MARK AND EDUARDO YESSSS),  In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool, when you jumped in first, I went in too (PALO ALTO GOTS POOLS, ZIPLINE SCENE) I'm with you even if it makes me blue which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother's wall (MARK IS COLOR BLIND ALL HE CAN SEE IS BLUE, EDUARDO HAS A BROTHER 0.0) Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws we wouldn't be standing here so proud (THEY STRONGER NOW),  I want to drive away with you, I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays, Wrap your arms around me, baby boy (EDUARDO ENERGY IN FIX IT FIC)

CORNELIA STREET

I rent a place on Cornelia Street (MARK’S PLACE IN PALO ALTO),  We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go (THEY STARTED OVER),  And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again (YEAH),  And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name (PALO ALTO SCREAMS MARK’S NAME) And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away (MARK TO EDUARDO),  Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours  (SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHING THE NORTH FACE JACKET),  We bless the rains on Cornelia Street (RAIN IN PALO ALTO HAS TO BE BLESSED CAUSE IT HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN EVIL),  Back when we were card sharks, playing games I thought you were leading me on, I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street, Before you even knew I was gone (EDUARDO)  But then you called, showed your hand I turned around before I hit the tunnel  (MARK SHOWED HIS HAND AND <3),  I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends (MARK AND EDUARDO),  That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend (MARK AND EDUARDO),  Sacred new beginnings That became my religion, listen (THEY WATCHED IT BEGIN AGAIN)

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: THE DILUTION SONG

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts, Flashbacks waking me up I get drunk, but it's not enough ’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby (EDUARDO),  I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up (STILL CAN’T HELP BUT WATCHING ONE ANOTHER),  'Cause I can’t pretend it's okay when it's not it's death by a thousand cuts   (EDUARDO),  I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home, I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright, They say, "I don't know" And what once was ours is no one's now I see you everywhere, the only thing we share Is this small town (EDUARDO AND MARK IN THE SAME CITY DURING THE DEPOSITIONS),  You said it was a great love, one for the ages but if the story's over, why am I still writing pages? (THE STORY AIN’T OVER YET THE SOCIAL NETWORK 2),  My heart, my hips, my body, my love, tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch gave up on me like I was a bad drug (MARK DITCHED HIM LIKE A BAD DRUG AND TOUCHED HIM EVERYWHERE),  Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Why are my fears at the touch of your hands? Paper cut stains from my paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts (FACEBOOK WAS THEIR COUNTRY IT WAS A LAWLESS LAND, MARK’S HANDS, EDUARDO’S TRUST, HE TOOK SO MUCH AND EDUARDO GAVE SO MUCH AND IT WASN’T ENOUGH, THERE WERE SO MANY CUTS)

LONDON BOY:

But something happened, I heard him laughing I saw the dimples first  (MARK’S FUCKING DIMPLES),  And then I heard the accent, they say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives (MARK HEART EDUARDO’S ACCENT AND HE’S IN SINGAPORE NOW :’( )  He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet (EDUARDO LIKES MARK’S AMERICAN SMILE LIKE A CHILD WHEN THEIR EYES MEET), 

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER:

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror (EDUARDO),  I just pretend it isn't real I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky (EDUARDO),  Soon, you'll get better, You'll get better soon, cause you have to (EDUARDO TO HIMSELF),  But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do. If there's no you? (EDUARDO THINKING OF MARK),  This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because, cause I have to (EDUARDO YEARS AFTER THE DILUTION) 

FALSE GOD:

We were crazy to think, crazy to think that this could work remember how I said I'd die for you? (EDUARDO)  We were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us Remember how I’d lie to you? (MARK),  And I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town I'm New York City, I'd still do it for you, babe (EDUARDO),  They all warned us about times like this They say the road gets hard and you get lost (YEAH BIG MARKWARDO VIBES),  When you're led by blind faith, blind faith (EARLY FACEBOOK DAYS),  But we might just get away with it, religion's in your lips, even if it's a false god We'd still worship, we might just get away with it, the altar is my hips even if it's a false god, we’d still worship this love (EDUARDO AND YEAH),  Hell is when I fight with you, but we can patch it up good, make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness (VERY THEM),  Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you (MARK)

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN:

MARK AND EDUARDO’S FUCKING DRAMATICS SEE MY WHOLE BREAK DOWN OF IT ON MY BLOG

AFTERGLOW:

THE MARK APOLOGY

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue, put you in jail for something you didn’t do, I pinned your hands behind your back, oh, thought I had reason to attack, but no (MARK DILUTING EDUARDO),  Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves, chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say (I MEAN EDUARDO’S FACE DURING THE DEPOSITIONS UGHHHH THIS MARK),  Hey, it's all me, in my head, I'm the one who burned us down, But it's not what I meant, Sorry that I hurt you I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you (Ooh) I don’t wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh) I need to say, hey, it’s all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow (MARKS APOLOGY),  It's so excruciating to see you low just wanna lift you up and not let you go  (MARK TO EDUARDO),  I lived like an island, punished you in silence (MARK) Went off like sirens, just crying (EDUARDO),  Tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when I lose my mind (LAPTOP SMASH MUCH)  I need to say Tell me that it's not my fault, Tell me that I'm all you want (EDUARDO TO MARK)  Even when I break your heart, I need to say, Hey It’s all me (Mark)

ME!:

They’re happy in their individuality now there’s a more in-depth look on my blog

It’s Nice to Have a Friend:

Lost my gloves, you give me one (Mark) "Wanna hang out?"(Eduardo) Yes, sounds like fun (Mark) Video games, you pass me a note  (What Kirkland fic doesn’t have them playing video games?) It's nice to have a friend (Best Friends),  You've been stressed out lately, yeah, me too, something gave you the nerve to touch my hand (Classic Markwardo fic move),  Call my bluff, call you "Babe" Have my back, yeah, every day, Feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend (Mark)

Daylight:

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in, everyone looked worse in the light There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven, I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye (MARK ENERGY),  I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night and now I see daylight (EDUARDO),  Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky and so I became the butt of the joke (EDUARDO ABOUT THE DILUTION),  I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked, clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke (Mark wounded Eduardo and trusted Sean, trying to make Facebook stronger he ended up hurting Eduardo),  Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down (Mark ran with the wolves (sean) and refused to settle down always working still),  Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town (Eduardo storming out of Facebook),  Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now it's brighter now, now (They’ve resolved their issues now),  And I can still see it all (In my mind) (Their past is their past and it’s still there but they’re stronger),  All of you, all of me (Intertwined) I once believed love would be (Black and white) But it's golden (Golden) (Eduardo thought love should be simple and easy and no fighting) And I can still see it all (In my head), back and forth from New York (Eduardo having to fly back and forth, and them being apart) I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden (Mark believed love was nothing but passion but he discovered it was more complex) You gotta step into the daylight and let it go, just let it go, let it go (They had to let go of their issues and focus on the fact they were meant for one another)

[faeparrish]

answer 21 questions and tag 21 mutuals you would like to get to know better! (thank you @psychicadam for tagging me💘) 

nicknames: molly isn’t a long name so I don't really have any nicknames apart from moll

zodiac sign: sagittarius w/ moon & rising both in libra ♐♎

height: 5′3″ just call me BLUE SARGENT because I am SMALL

hogwarts house: in my heart of hearts I'm a hufflepuff, but I was so desperate to be a gryffindor when I read the books and now I'm too deep in gryffindor merch from birthdays and christmases to back out.

last thing i googled: 'silence of the girls cover artist’ - I recognised sarah young’s art on the cover of the book that I just bought so I was looking it up (you should check out her work - although make sure you type 'sarah young illustration'  bc I just now found out that she in fact shares her name with a porn star lmao😬)

favourite musicians: oh god, so many. jacob collier (aka the most infuriatingly talented musician alive, he's only like 24, he’s won 2 grammies, he got recognition from quincy jones and now they're friends ?? and he’s currently working on a 4 part album of about 40 songs; volume 1 was released around christmas and he’s planning to release the last one by the end of this year... anyway he’s unbelievable and I love him), julia jacklin, glass animals, billie marten, hozier, tom misch, joy crookes, ELIZA, vulfpeck, nick mulvey, hope tala, jade bird, rusty clanton (fun fact, I actually bumped into him after his support set for jade bird and he was SO lovely). also dodie has been a fave of mine since I was like 14 and she probably always will be tbh. girl is just the sun ☀️

song stuck in your head: moontime by hope tala (not complaining tho bc that song is a Gay Bop)

following: 413 (I had to go through recently and unfollow all the old jily/marauders blogs that haven't been active for years rip there are so many)

followers: 489 and ily ALL ♥️

do you get asks: sometimes! I get a few cute lil anons here and there

amount of sleep: I have insomniaaa, like my boy gansey so I only get like 4-6 hours a night. I just always get a sudden boost of chaotic creative energy in the evenings and my brain is like !!! make something !! write something !! draw something !! anything!! do it all !! maybe I should start building a miniature version of my town too lol 

lucky number: hmm my birthday is 13th dec (same day as ts) so I like to think that the number makes an exception from being unlucky for people who are born on the 13th

what you’re wearing: leggings, my fav shorts (they’re so cool, they're like a kind of mossy green tie-dye with some funky black patterns stamped onto them. 10/10 makes me feel like a forest elf) and a yellow crop top vest thing. also a couple of rings and some necklaces that I wear basically every day. also socks that have confetti patterns on them. party socks

dream job: anything creative!! writing, art, music, whatever tbh. in an ideal life I would love to be a musician because the idea of going on a tour with other musician friends just sounds like such a dream to me and I love making music stuff (I actually posted a cover on here if you wanna listen) ALSO lowkey want to open a cafe w/ my sister one day; have events in the evenings, homemade cakes, get our musical friends to do gigs? mayhaps a resident cat??? yes pls

dream trip: I applied for an exchange with my uni to study in norway next year, which would be amazing (and terrifying) if I got accepted !!

instrument: I played the violin (very very badly) for about 2 years, and the oboe (for about a year until my teacher moved away - turns out there aren't a whole lot of oboe teachers out there) and I had piano lessons when I was a kid for about 7 years, but i can't remember how to properly read the music now:( I can still play piano but I mostly just figure out how to play songs by listening to them a lot. I prefer playing guitar and ukulele though, they're the ones that I picked up myself so I feel a lot more committed to them 

languages: english is my only fluent language, bc our education system doesn’t bother to teach languages as well as other countries do (am I bitter about it? absolutely), but I can just about get by in french and spanish, and I've been slowly teaching myself norwegian on duolingo for about 5 months now (honestly bless that app)

favourite songs: again, so many. my current faves: mice by billie marten (her new ep is so crushingly gorgeous), guiltless by dodie (the music video?? the music video????), here comes the sun by jacob collier & dodie (god this cover is endlessly, endlessly beautiful?? the drum and guitar strums at 0.58 just GET👏ME👏GOING👏), she is the sum by poppy ajudha, in your hands by nick mulvey (has some BIG gangsey in trk vibes), moon river by jacob collier (this literally came out the other day and ohhohooo boy !! the harmonies that kick in at 5.19 give me mad goosebumps)

random fact: when I was 16 I had appendicitis and nearly died bc I thought the pains were just rlly bad cramps lmao (is this ?? #toomuch? 😬✨??) ANYWAY now i don't have an appendix BUT I do have three funky lil scars and a rlly big appreciation for the nhs (the uk is shit at most things but free healthcare is truly a godsend)

aesthetic: witchy, kinda feral lol, artsy, anything nature related, anything autumnal?? I love that dark academia, secret history kind of aesthetic but I can’t really pull it off bc my style is a bit too hectic - basically just think blue sargent but softer and probs more gay lmao 🤠👌

I'm tagging @lesbianparrish @adamparrishes & @motorcyclebabeparrish as well lol, also @parrishynch @lvslie @flourishandblotted @cloudpillows @justlarajean @heart-ablaze @tinylilemrys @acquaclara @cbliviate @iuliasabina @heyilan @ofstagsanddoes @nellyinneverland @wtf-jily (a lot of my mutuals aren’t active anymore so it’s hard to see if I've forgotten anyone, but if I have forgotten you I'm sorry !! ily!! you are also tagged 💕✨)

[chmerkovskiyvalentin]

Valentin Chmerkovskiy is giving fans a look at his many passions outside of the ballroom!

Ahead of the all-new season of Dancing With the Stars, the two-time mirrorball champion has teamed up with the talented Teddy Coffey (So You Think You Can Dance, season 11) for a delightful project that has him trading in his dance skills for rap bars. Now, ET is exclusively premiering the funky music video for "Growing Pains," which is Coffey's first-ever single, and the lead track off his upcoming debut EP, 2 a.m.

Coffey and Chmerkovskiy shared the story of how the collaboration came to be in an exclusive chat with ET last week. Coffey said that initial discussions about collaborating on a music project with Chmerkovskiy began while he was touring the country with the DWTS pro and his older brother, Maksim.

"Growing up, from the age of four on, I loved dancing, but I also had the same type of love for singing," explained Coffey, 24, who's also danced for artists like Christina Aguilera and the Backstreet Boys. "I started writing music when I was about 15 years old, so music has definitely been in the works for a while. The timing just felt right [now] ... I feel like at this moment in my life, it's the time to, not transition away from dance, but to branch out to reach other goals and dreams of mine."

"I'm excited for the world to see Teddy do his thing as a musician; it's been a long time coming," Chmerkovskiy added. "I'm grateful to have been a small part of his project, and hopefully it excites my fans to check it out."

While the video is filled with plenty of fun moments from beginning to end, one of the most memorable scenes is when we see Chmerkovskiy rapping. He told ET that it was an idea he actually pitched to Coffey.

"That verse I wrote, it probably took 20 minutes to write, and then another two hours to second guess and troubleshoot," Chmerkovskiy, 33, joked. "I always loved to write spoken word and poetry and dabbled in hip hop a little as well [in] my younger days, a long, long time ago. So on tour, we were just hanging out, having a good time, and we were exposed to Teddy's incredible musical talent beyond the dancing. I was like, 'Yo, you should definitely pursue this. You should definitely record it. If you need any help, I'm always here for you.'"

"Fast-forward maybe a year later, he's really doing it!" he continued. "He sent this song over and was like, 'Hey, check this out, tell me what you think.' And I was like, 'This is actually a really dope sound. I wrote a little something to it, you know, just vibing to it. If you like it, cool.' I had no intentions of actually recording anything for this song, but he loved it. And he was like, 'Yo, let's do it. Let's go to the studio and make it happen!' So it happened."

Chmerkovskiy said that his love of hip hop began when he was just a kid, after he and his family immigrated to South Brooklyn, New York, when he was eight years old.

"Hip hop was the sound of the streets that I grew up in, and obviously Biggie [Smalls] was the Jesus of that era," he recalled. "I grew up listening to Biggie, I grew up listening to New York City sounds. But I love all genres of hip hop. I like storytelling, and the New York poets kinda told the best stories, for me, at least. So Biggie, Nas, Big L, Wu-Tang Clan. These are some of the artists I grew up listening to."

Directed by Coffey's childhood friend, Cameron Thuman, and produced by Jonah McLean, the video was shot in Los Angeles over a course of six days. It features bright visuals, rad costumes and joyous choreography that is bound to make anyone smile.

"For my first music video, it was very crucial for me that I brought what my life has kind of been based upon, dance, into the visuals. My aunt, Cindy Post, was my dance teacher growing up, so she and I choreographed what you see in this video together," Coffey explained. "The video has this vibrant, very colorful, almost outdated retro vibe in certain parts of it. And then obviously with Val, he's like the cherry on top! I'm super grateful to have him in the music video and on the track as well."

"He believed in 'Growing Pains' enough to want to write on this one. It spoke to him like it speaks to me, and I hope that it speaks to the world," he continued. "I hope that people can relate because it's a super exciting time for me. I'm very grateful for all the people that are in my life that helped me get to this point. It's just the beginning."