#migraine hell time
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migraine hell time
I need to go to the library and work. It's barely the second week of school and I'm a week and a half behind. I need to get myself together and just do homework for like two, three hours, and then go to my nail appointment, and then go home and go to bed like a sane, reasonable adult
I'm having a sobbing breakdown in the parking lot on campus because no matter how much I know this is a migraine, I feel fucking broken
I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I can't just. be normal and act normal and not be a fucking freak because it's just fucking sex but no
no I get to be broken and wrong and left to deal with disappointing any partner I have no matter how much I don't want to and feeling like a failure because I am one, because I'm doomed to be the add on or the one who can't provide forever
I just want one thing to be easy again
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chronic pain
#ashton greymoore#critical role fanart#bells hells#gesture drawing#Ashton having real visible cracks coming from his head and chronic pain can actually be something so dear to me#-a person with chronic headaches and migraines who also feels like their skull is a brittle stone being picked at with hammer and chisel#Is Ash gonna become my my new projection blorbo like Caleb was a couple years back? Tune in next time to see..#Would make sense honestly tho cause trauma was my biggest issue back then and chronic pain is now so....#annathenewt art#my art#critrole
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warning to to my fellow photosensitives: last night's game changer episode (deja vu) is amazing but is also full of flashing lights
please be careful and "watch" by just listening to the audio/give this one a skip/take care in whatever way makes the most sense for you and your situation!
#gamechanger#game changer#dropout#deja vu#after the first few times it happened#I realized it was just going to be a Thing this episode#and “watched” the rest with the browser window minimized#but I still got a hell of a migraine just from the bit that I did watch#so I'm hoping that this warning will get to other photosensitive fans before they find out the hard way#edit: realized this had a missing word if you saw this earlier and it didn't make sense sorry about that!
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buncha photos of all the cool The Owl House cosplayers this year at ACEN!!! the meetup was so much fun 🥺 there is nothing funnier than somebody dropping one of their fake ears and everyone instinctively checking at the same time to make sure it wasn't ours
(+ me at the end as the last lilith!)
harpy lilith: @shadowluv101-blog
#liz blogs#toh#the owl house#toh cosplay#acen#anime central#acen 2023#anime central 2023#the owl house cosplay#toh meetup#might be going to anime midwest too which is a surprise but The Opportunity Is There#kind of want to get a wig but they give me migraines because so many of them are so tight#and theyre also. hot as all hell and conventions are already incredibly hot ordeals. i would Die#first photo taken by my brother because I Was In That One!!!#if anybody recognizes anyone here lmk and i will tag them#dat me#lilith clawthorne#lilith cosplay#lilith clawthorne cosplay#my ears were constantly falling off because i was wearing glasses and had a mask on almost the entire time#that's a lot to have on your ears#i dont think i photograph very well usually but i actually think i look ok in a lot of the pictures im in :)#everyone was literally so nice and so much fun to be around!!!!! that was the most fun i've had in years i swear
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you don't really have a migraine if you can get on Tumblr lmao
This might be one of my strangest anons yet... Are you really trying to fucking gatekeep or police the symptoms of a neurological disorder?
I'm pretty sure I know what I can and can't tolerate when I'm dealing with a migraine, asshole. Some of my first were as early as elementary school. I'm now in my mid-twenties and by this point have been dealing with them chronically for several years.
Every migraineur is different, as is every migraine.
While some will have such severe symptoms that even the slightest smell, light or sound makes the pain they are experiencing worse, that is not the case for every sufferer, every time.
Go be weird somewhere else.
#from the icebox#anon ask#bad anon no biscuit#don't come at me for being rude either; I was being rather nice considering you wanted to what? accuse me of faking?#accuse me of exaggerating or being one of those people who think migraines are just ''really bad headaches''?#who the hell knows just mind your own business next time
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arcane social media au to cope w these no doubt traumatic memories act 3 will leave me with🤗
#arcane act 2#arcane#i’m genuinely terrified of what the finale has in store so#social media au where everything is nice and happy and no one dies and everyone is normal#jayvik? canon!#catvi? canon also#mylo and claggor? alive and well!#silco is silco#jaymelvik? ALSO canon#timebomb? hell yeah!#in social media au everything is nice and sweet#i rebuke all angst and sadness only good times and fluff#gonna write this later when my migraine goes away let me cook yall
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Roses for use whenever!
*kicks WIP pile under the bed* DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I haven't had access to any of my WIPs for over a week, so, what's a dumb-dumb to do? Start more!
Jamie whimpers again, the sound muffled from where his face is pressed tight against Roy’s abdomen, as the bus rocks slightly beneath them. Kenneth has been careful since Jamie first went down, cautiously easing the coach to a gentle brake rather than the somewhat haphazard way he usually approaches deceleration, but Kenneth's efforts and his Coaches’ careful hands still aren’t enough to protect Jamie right now. His player’s obvious distress raises a frantic sense of helplessness in Roy, and he has to tear his eyes away from the walnut-mist head he’s cradling in his lap. Instead he stares straight ahead, studying the uncharacteristically subdued Greyhounds scattered in front of him. Between their unfamiliar silence and the eerie glow of fluorescent red lights filtering in through the front window, cast from the traffic light that’s ceased their steady progress home, Roy doesn’t find the reassurance he was looking for. As that violent red glow changes to a vivid green and the bus again resumes it’s forward motion, Jamie doesn’t make any more noise. Roy wishes he could delude himself into thinking that means he isn’t in pain but his eyes have caught on the shaking of Jamie’s bloodless fingers where they’re curled into a claw, desperately digging into the meat of his side. Jamie’s still hurting. Jamie’s trying to be quiet.
#THANK YOU THE ROSES TREASURED FRIEND#i have given jamie a migraine and i'm having a HELL OF A TIME#he is also having a hell of a time in the more literal sense of torment and suffering and such#fic: untitled jamie migraine#the not having access to WIPs thing though is very much on the 'torment and suffering' side of the hell scale#particularly seeing as one of them literally only needs a solid half hour of attention and it will be DONE#i am LOSING IT#anyway#rose for a snippet#ask box is always open#i wrote a thing#jamietarttsnorthernattitude#jamie tartt#ted lasso#on one hand tumblr's tag system is good for finding stuff on your own blog again#on the other hand#SHEESH
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rant in tags about perscription medication and withdrawals
continued here bc i reached tag limit and i'm still??
it's kinda scary tbh
like i was scared for years now of what would happen off my meds and
when i tried tapering off my antidepressants oof i was breaking down every day and now i /know/ i'm dependant on them and idk if that's better or worse
and with the antipsychotics it's like i thought they were helping my depression too bc when tapering off i was also so panicked and depressed (tho my situation is kinda stressful rn)
but idk i've been trying meds on and off for half my life now and most of the time i'm like 🤷
but the truth is
it's fucking scary how it messes with your body
it's fucking scary when you're dependant on a pill
OR ALSO
when pills fuck your body up to the point you can only eat one thing
bc that's the reason i'm going off the antipsychotics and guess what, i'm able to eat more again now
idk if it's just in combination with the hormon pill tbh i'm just going off both now and we'll see how my iron levels and migrains deal lmao
i feel like i can't think straight anymore
gonna have to get new docs anyway so we'll see what they say if(/when) i go anemic again or if going off the antipsychotics will actually fix the issue??
if so, then it'll be like how did this sneak up on me, i've been taking them for 2.5 years like
??
and now i've lost 20lbs despite trying everything to maintain or gain some the past year and a half and i'm at my lowest weight since i was like a preteen lol
and that's all bc of a med that didn't feel like it had an acute effect
or maybe i'm so removed from my body i didn't notice until i got the acute gastritis ??
i mean i can't even be sure its the meds or not until i'm off
and tapering the rest off is gonna be so fun fuck
i dont wanna
i wanna be able to eat more than bread i guess but at this point the thought just scares me and like i associate it with pain and nausea
which as long as i can manage it is fine
but i've only tapered off half, i still have to taper off the other half of the dosage 😭
and with the hormon pill gone again the worst menstrual pain will be back and idk how to manage that, i guess hopefully with the meds gone i won't go anemic again but who knows at this point??
also praying my migraines don't come back but uh... i am pessimistic. i don't have much hope
anyway
moral of the story.....
ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO TAPER OFF YOUR MEDS KIDS BC EVEN JUST TAPERING IS SCARY AND GOING COLD CHICKEN IS PROBABLY HELL
doctors can be annoying (and make things harder, like in my case bc i literally asked if it could be my current meds MONTHS ago, and everyone was like noooooo but guess who was RIGHT) sometimes BUUUUT you should listen to them avout certain things
like
tapering off meds
#it's insane how strong meds can affect you#everyone was telling me “oh that's a strong one” and giving me concerned looks#and i was just like *shrugs*#bc i didn't notice a daily change whatsoever#beside the fact that i slept a bit better#less dreams#and like sleeping more than 5h on average#and well no debilitating migraines where i can't move#but like#no side effects#no making me feel numb or drowsy or anything#but tapering off of them???#the withdrawals???#OH MY FUCKING GOD#i feel like o'm crazy#and it stopped so abruptly#i'm like??? is it- was i sick? was it smth else?#it is the stress maybe#but no exacctly at the same time i now am back to not sleeping and the dreams are back#like those withdrawals#jfc#i felt basically bed ridden for a week#it's a wonder i only cried myself to sleep 1 singular time#tho that's probably the added stress#but like fucking hell#i was so sleepy and weak and couldn't even use my phone it was too much???#and suddenly like clock struck 12 yesterday and i've been alert evver since#my sleeping pattern from before the meds is back#i'm still weak bc i can't eat like normal but i am eating a bit more#ignore me
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Steve had a tendency to self-isolate when he was upset or overwhelmed. He would retreat into himself and pull away from those close to him. He needed time away from everything so he could think and relax. Robin would reach out, Eddie would be there to ground him, and the kids would be there to try and pull him back. And eventually it would work. He’d go back to being regular ole’ Steve like nothing had ever been wrong.
Eddie was much the same. He tended to self-catastrophize and run away when things became too much. He’d seen a lot in his life and if he’d learned anything, it was that you got the hell out of dodge when things went sideways. When things became too overwhelming, he had Wayne to talk him down usually. He had Steve to find him and smother him with reassuring touches. Robin was there to drag him back to Steve’s house for movies or beers and Nancy was there as the looming presence that threatened to hunt him down if he disappeared again.
They each had each other and their family to fall back on. And whenever things started getting bad for either of them, Eddie would lie on top of Steve to offer pressure therapy alongside a litany of smooches and conversation. Steve would spoon Eddie and braid his long hair so it wasn’t in his face and he had one less thing to be concerned about. Most of all though, they loved each other and that was the most important part of all.
#every single time Eddie is upset Wayne has to go after him#every single time he’s like ‘goddammit is he going missing like Spring Break? I can’t lose my boy’#well guys I’m coming back from the migraine from hell#I figured I’d post whatever this is while I write the amazing prompts some of you sent#don’t worry- they’re coming!#stranger things#headcanon#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#robin buckley#nancy wheeler#uncle wayne
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where am i at in migraine hell time right now, i hear absolutely no one ask me?
well. "really feeling noah kahan lyrics" is the answer, so.
#so really the answer is “fucking going through it”#realistically i'm better than yesterday#i'm just. dealing with what the last...week has been like#standing up feels bad#my stomach is upset in a PTSD way#migraine hell time#noah kahan
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lol. i think ive reached my limit.
#i just cannot take this torture anymore#ive been at the mercy of this horrible disease for over half my life now#imagine living knowing that roughly every 3.5 weeks youre going to experience the most excruciating pain of your life#along with crushing. usually suicidal depression. and such extreme fatigue and exhaustion that you easily sleep for 14+ hours a DAY#AND ITS ALL FOR FUCKING *NOTHING*#there is literally ZERO benefit or reason for me to be experiencing this#it is 100% extraneous#and even if you go to a dr and try to get treatment their only recommendation is 1) pain killers and/or 2) birth control#which both come with their own fucking share of unpleasant side effects#not to mention theyre not even 100% effective at stopping the problem in the first FUCKING place#and imagine even tho you have this DEBILITATING DISORDER society at large has decided it straight up DOESNT EXIST#to the point where REAL ACTUAL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS will dismiss your symptoms#not to mention people in your life who dont understand or just straight up dont believe your disorder is real#good luck keeping a job or any other major commitments#considering you'll either be out of commission for like. 1 out of ever 4 weeks#or youll have to work/whatever WHILE experiencing said excruciating pain/crushing depression/debilitating exhaustion#not to mention the GI issues and the migraines and the brain fog and the fucking. full body aches#wanna go to a concert? or plan a vacation? or just. fucking. RELAX? you better hope its not during Hell Week or youre outta luck#and youve got roughly 30-40 YEARS of this to look forward to#maybe less IF YOURE LUCKY#im fucking over it#i cant take it anymore#im making an appt to see a dr and i WILL NOT LEAVE THEIR OFFICE until they have referred me to whoever i have to talk to to make this stop#my fucking fury at having to live like this has officially outweighed my fear of invasive procedures/recovery time/side effects#let along the torture that is navigating the medical care system as an AFAB#i just. i cant do this anymore.#i want to fucking LIVE#fuck
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So, in the fic where Tim gets his appendix out, Jason tells him that he usually freaks out before he gets put under, not after. Now that Tim knows, how would he comfort Jason? I'm thinking, like, imagine that Jason breaks his leg badly on patrol, so urgent surgery is in order. Would Tim try to prevent him from freaking out? How?
P.s. i said i a thousand rimes bur I love your works!! You're amazing!!
Ooh so I've actually answered a similar question pretty recently (although that was focused more on the needle aspect than the anesthesia/loss of control aspect which I headcanon to be Jason's main issue with being put under)
Honestly? I think Tim would be the worst family member to try to comfort Jason through something like this. Not for anything that Tim is doing right or wrong, just because anesthesia is something that really freaks Jason out, and his response to being freaked out is a) to angry cry, and b) to lash out at people. Because he knows this about himself, and he's also extremely protective of Tim, he tries not to let Tim see him when he's not fully in control of himself. So while Jason would totally be great in a crisis involving Tim, he does terribly when the roles are reversed.
BUT that being said, if Tim was the only one available, I think Tim would end up offering his hand to squeeze, and Jason would hesitate at first but eventually take it. He'd probably also be trying really hard not to cry, which Tim would very intentionally act as through he wasn't noticing because at the end of the day, Jason needs his dignity more than anything.
#settle our bones#might not really be the answer you were hoping for but i think jason gets suuuper cagey when he's feeling vulnerable#and nothing makes him feel vulnerable more than when his inhibitions are being forcibly removed from him#and he loses all agency#like while being put under#Dick in this series has a LOT of practice brushing things off#and meeting Jason where he's at#but Tim isn't nearly as well versed in it so it trips him up a lot more#but he's also growing and learning and making progress the more time he spends with the Waynes#so while in the 'everybody gets the hell flu' fic he was suuuper wigged out by Jason's trauma responses#he gets less and less so as time goes on and he starts to understand his family more#even in the migraine fic i just posted recently he feels comfortable enough to argue with Jason while they're both in a stressful situation#which i see as progress for him#anyway thank you so much for your kind words and I really appreciate the question!!
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had a student approach me after lecture to ask if my ring was an ace ring today, which A. delightful (they wanted to know where I got mine because they are in the market for one) and B. happens a LOT less frequently than you would expect
#this is the first time I've had a student recognize it!#they were like 'I'm so sorry for being nosy' and I was like 'the point of the ace ring is to be a recognizable symbol! it's doing its job!'#I don't remember any tags that I use on this blog and I am currently migrained to hell so. back to my slumbers.
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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QUIT MY JOB WOOO TIME TO FIND ANOTHER
#the timing of this is extraordinary really. right after i posted my fic i wrote to cope with this hell job#me and the manager were talking about the ethics of breaks :/ aka his ass thought you only deserve a break when you work over 8 hours#and only then#''you dont really NEED a break. youre not a minor''#yes of course im not a minor. and my bones and muscles also arent already aching constantly as if i were a senior#i get a migraine very day for this job and sleep it off on the weekends. if thats not a handicap worthy of a break#i dont know why it isnt legalized to give everyone breaks after 4 hours. that should just be the normal#anyways. wish me luck. i have a month before rent gets my ass
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Can't really sleep so mini rambles about Nick and his evolution for me on his look. I am trying to balance his features well because he looks very much his father with some of his mother features and color.
Dark brown eyes, sometimes he wears contacts and he opts for dark blue, so dark you don't notice they are blue. His scerla is touch red all the time due to irritates in the air and his drug us that shades the eyes and blood by extention blue. It be odd to see him with clear skin, he doesn't take care of his skin, it's not to bad all the time but he'd always have a pimple or two on his forehead and or chin until he gets a bit older. I don't think he really cares tbh. He doesn't look in the mirror often. Eye bags and dark circles from the lack of sleep that's been a consistent issue since he was a child. Sparce facial hair, he can grow a beard but it takes a little long and it's unfortunately genetic.
Thick eyebrows, not styled outside of making sure they don't connect. Clothing wise I style him very casual, borderline very lazily, fortunately for him i have stuck the fashion in early 2000s and late 90s look and he doesn't put alot of effort into cloths. Most are borrowed or second hand from the community shelters. He gravitate towards more skater styles, cargo pants, baggy jeans, big shirts and layers. Only really wears two pairs of dirty white shoes outside of work uniform that are ill fit, usually a bit baggy from weight lost or he mistakenly took someone else's cloths. Work boots from warehouse jobs. Mechanic top that was just found. Has nick on it. Don't know who that nick is though.
Hair! Thick dark hair, as he ages it's thining at the temples but he'll never go bald. It's graying, he has a bit of gray peeking through and he is going to be a thirty something year old with salt n pepper hair. He is not doing great tbh, it's a combo of stress and genetics. He dyes it though when he's feeling like taking care of him self. Technically he would be wearing glasses but cybernetics exist and even if they didn't he wouldn't wear them because he think he looks lame.
He doesn't maintain his cybernetics very well. They need some updates but they aren't effecting him to much. He has some fixes to his vision and his hearing in his right ear, along with some corrections to his brain from getting his head actually cracked open at some point in his early 20s. Has chronic migraines that flair up when he's stressed, orginate from a stress headache and takes a nose dive. He needs a dark room, cold and quiet. Can totally turn off his hearing at will because no. He's five eight, he's average hight for the earth's population of men. Most men don't get taller than five ten with some exceptions of being six feet. With him bring trans though if he never transitioned he'd be considered tall for a women. Most women are about five five and shorter but the height difference isn't to noticeable.
Weight-flucicates from lack of appetite from drug use and his mental health just nose diving. When he's sober and relatively stable, he can pick up weight pretty quickly, has a great appetite, and kinda a shit diet of take out and energy drinks. Really enjoys fried foods and dumplings. Can't ever see him being toned or muscular. He don't exercise unless like sid dragged him along with her to the gym or some yoga class. He out of shape in that regards and hates it. I don't blame him.
Tats and scars! He only has a sleave that stretches over one side of his chest. It's to cover old scars and a recovery thing for him that didn't really work but it's not constant reminder of some shitty days. Wanted to cover up track mark-just uses the other arm. He will get a sleave when he gets clean from iv drug use. He got burned at some point as a tween playing with stuff he shouldn't have been, it's on his on tated arm and bits of his abdomen. Not to bad but it's noticeable to note. Random addition but nick is in his late 20s or early 30s, im saying or because he doesn't actually tell people his age because he'd rather have people assume because they aim lower and he has a bit of insecurities about the fact he's not where he "should" be for his age. This is why when he find out sid is like 24 he responses by gagging. He mentally blocks out her age because if he thinks about it to long it send him because he's really use to dating in his age range or older and feels like he should be more of a leader n sid is not allowing that. He's happy with that but he got expectations of "older" men that he gotta work on a bit.
#maybe dl idk#tw drugs#tw intravenous drug use#random but he got his head cracked open twice#he was train hopping one time as teen with some freinds and slipped and feel down into a ditch on his back. scare hell out his freinds alot#of blood that day he made it outta that with no real side effects because he got sugery in time for any real damage to be down. fractured#his skull though 🫤 second time he just got manhandled by the cops he didnt loose consciousness but this is the#main reason he has migraines homie was in jail and their was a big fight he was spectatoring on and in the break down of that fight he got#mixed in with choas and and slammed into the floor more of a concussion than head cracked open actually but significant in his health#he was in jail not prison for stabbing a guy in self defense was a really shitty year honestly. he didnt get charged but the#court date kept getting pushed back and delayed cause of a contagen 🙃 thats not covid.
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