#migraine hell time

[violaceum-vitellina-viridis]

migraine hell time

I need to go to the library and work. It's barely the second week of school and I'm a week and a half behind. I need to get myself together and just do homework for like two, three hours, and then go to my nail appointment, and then go home and go to bed like a sane, reasonable adult

I'm having a sobbing breakdown in the parking lot on campus because no matter how much I know this is a migraine, I feel fucking broken

I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I'm like this, I don't know why I can't just. be normal and act normal and not be a fucking freak because it's just fucking sex but no

no I get to be broken and wrong and left to deal with disappointing any partner I have no matter how much I don't want to and feeling like a failure because I am one, because I'm doomed to be the add on or the one who can't provide forever

I just want one thing to be easy again

[eyeofthenewt1]

chronic pain

[iamthedancing]

warning to to my fellow photosensitives: last night's game changer episode (deja vu) is amazing but is also full of flashing lights

please be careful and "watch" by just listening to the audio/give this one a skip/take care in whatever way makes the most sense for you and your situation!

[eclipsewxtch]

arcane social media au to cope w these no doubt traumatic memories act 3 will leave me with🤗

[suckinitup]

lil writing I foud in the drafts. TW disassociation and brain fog

Vyncent doesn't feel awake.

He blinks down at the stove, slow, and tries to remember what he was making. Soup, his mind supplies, but that's obviously not right. It's a frying pan in front of him with little cubed pieces of beef. His knife is in one hand, a spatula in the other. There's still muck on his knife. He puts the spatula down in the pan to stir, but his attention is drawn again to his knife. Why hadn't he cleaned it off, yet?

Hands to pocket, finds his cloth, hesitates. Raw meat juice. Can't contaminate anything. That's the important thing in cooking. Not contaminating your surfaces.

Wait. Aren't people raw meat? His cloth is already contaminated, and so is his knife. That's okay then. They're allowed to be gross, the way that cutting boards are allowed to be gross. He'll just have to wash his hands afterwards.

He puts his cloth to the knife and pauses, stares at it. He's just standing there. Everything feels like cotton, like fabric between his finger and an edge.

Careful, that's right, that's what he was trying to remember. Careful along the blade so he doesn't cut, doesn't dull. Just wipes clean.

Knife away. Cloth in pocket. A pan in front of him, sizzling, and a spatula left inside it. He goes to grab the spatula by the handle, remembers the contamination, and withdraws. The sink...?

Behind him. Washing his hands is important. He goes to do that. Nothing is connecting right and he tries to focus on the steps. Water, soap, lather. The sink keeps running. Vyncent stares at the water flow, uncomprehending as his hands run over each other.

"Vyncent?"

Vyncent looks up to see Dakota. "Oh. Hey."

Dakota's eyes sweep over the scene. His eyes narrow a little and he frowns--his thinking face. Vyncent resigns himself to patient waiting, but the expression disappears as quickly as it had arrived. "Bad day?" Dakota asks, voice soft.

"Huh?" 

Vyncent looks down. His hands are still under the running faucet. He doesn't know how long he's been here.

"Oh. Yeah, I guess."

It's a little easier with Dakota there, moving around behind him. Like watching the hands of a clock, seeing the time move in front of him. Vyncent turns off the water, starts dying his hands as he listens to the little click of the stove turning off behind him. Oh, that weird smell is like burning. That's probably what drew Dakota in here. "...Is it rude to order pizza?" Dakota asks, almost hesitant. It's weird for Dakota to act delicate, like Vyncent is fragile. That's a mode usually reserved for William. Vyncent isn't sure how to act when its turned on him. Not sure how to feel about it.

"Nah," Vyncent answers, putting extra effort into the casual shrug of his shoulder. Look at him, feeling fine. "Pineapple?" 

"Will's going to kill you," Dakota says easily. "Yeah, pineapple. Hey, how about a movie?"

"Something scary?"

"I'll ask Will to pick," Dakota decides. He presses forwards, effectively herding Vyncent towards the other room. Vyncent feels mildly irritated, and mildly fond. The cotton is thinner, and his thoughts are easier to hold on to. He's awake enough, even, to go to the couch without prompting and have the forethought to adjust the pillows, grab the blankets. He hears Dakota on the phone behind him, already ringing up the pizza place, so he takes it upon himself to pre-choose a few movie selections for William. He doesn't have to. It's probably a little rude. He wants to pick at least a little, like he has to prove that he can. But also. He doesn't want to watch the Bee Movie right now.

It's nice, though, when William comes in and takes a pick from Vyncent's selections. It's nice when they're all bundled onto the couch, Dakota's head in his lap and William a warm line against his side. Solid weight. It's still a bad day. Still hard to focus on the movie, hard to follow the plot. It's a nice bad day, though, and right now that's enough.

[girlwiththegreenhat]

buncha photos of all the cool The Owl House cosplayers this year at ACEN!!! the meetup was so much fun 🥺 there is nothing funnier than somebody dropping one of their fake ears and everyone instinctively checking at the same time to make sure it wasn't ours

(+ me at the end as the last lilith!)

harpy lilith: @shadowluv101-blog

[chaoticamelay]

MCU Bucky Barnes: Migraine. TBI, and Headaches

aka "Of Course His Head Hurts, Did We Not Watch The Same Movies?"

i saw a post where the OP said they headcanon that bucky barnes has chronic migraines due to the head trauma he's experienced. as someone with migraine who LOVES yapping about bucky barnes I have THOUGHTS

-

Basically, i agree with the headcanon that bucky is still dealing with the side effects of all the head trauma he has experienced. Even with the serum, there is no way in hell he doesn't have headaches after *gestures vaguely at his entire life*

Does that mean bucky barnes has migraines? Nope! Allow me to explain why (and also what I think bucky has instead)!

There are two main kinds of headache: primary and secondary (and also a few other exceptions like some neuropathies). Primary headaches are caused by a headache or head pain condition/disorder, with no other known underlying cause. Secondary headaches are a symptom of another underlying condition. There are four categories of primary headache disorders: migraine, tension-type headaches. trigeminal autonomic cephalalgias (TACs), and other kinds of PHDs such as cold-stimulus headache, aka brain freeze. Causes of the secondary headache types include... well. everything else, up to and including trauma. Which Bucky has. Obviously.

The word migraine is often used to mean 'severe headache', but this is inaccurate: migraine is a neurological disorder with unknown cause (although it is believed to be a mix of genetic and environmental factors.) Before i got off twitter I wrote a thread talking about migraine misconceptions, i have it saved in my drafts for migraine awareness month but until then here's some starter info from Migraine Canada.

We don't see anything pre-war or during the war before the train that would make me think Bucky has migraine. It's possible, obviously, since it doesn't seem like it was a disqualifying condition for US Army service during WWII, although some types of aura would have been. But it doesn't seem likely to me that he could have had migraine attacks and still gotten promoted to sergeant, particularly if he had migraine with aura and and had to work around that. (Visual or sensory/motor aura symptoms, for example, would make it real hard to shoot a gun, especially at long-range).

On to secondary headaches, then: let's specifically look at headaches caused by trauma, which obviously Bucky has. Beyond what's shown on screen, there is a canon tie-in book called The Wakanda Files which includes some of Zola's diary and Shuri's notes on Bucky when he was there. I don't own this book, but when I went looking I found that a lovely human named @samwontshare has made several posts with its contents, complete with image descriptions! Go check it out, but here's a quote from their Bucky masterpost of Shuri talking about Bucky (cw for torture, obviously):

Hydra’s methods were effective in making Barnes hyperaware and highly suggestible. They caused what I can only describe as noise in the electric activity of his hemispheres. An EEG on Barnes revealed just how murky and extensive his brain damage was. Hydra’s Winter Soldier program subjected Barnes to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) followed by suggestive keywords and phrases to activate a brain soup knot that could take years to unravel. If we’re able to reverse it at all. ECT is extremely painful, and Hydra didn’t administer any dulling agents. (The Wakanda Files)

It is MCU canon that Bucky Barnes has a traumatic brain injury. And it is my opinion that post-HYDRA, Bucky has a neurocognitive disorder as a result of that TBI. I'm not getting into that though, because that could be its own post, and honestly it might be at some point but probably not anytime soon. Back to Bucky and headaches.

The International Headache Society maintains the International Classification of Headache Disorders, which is currently in its third edition (ICHD-3). This framework is used for diagnosis and treatment of headache disorders. There are also headache disorders coded in the WHO's ICD-11 for Mortality and Morbidity Statistics, but this isn't as exhaustive as the ICHD-3 on headaches specifically so I'm using that instead.

We might assume that Bucky's head pain is Post-electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) headache (A7.6.3). Although "clear descriptions of headache associated with electroconvulsive therapy are sparse", which is why it's in the appendix of the ICHD-3 and not the main diagnostic manual, if anyone was going to have it, it'd be Bucky. Even so, one of the diagnostic criteria is that "each headache has resolved within 72 hours after ECT", so this doesn't fit even if the name makes it sound like it does.

I think the better explanation is ICHD-3 5.2.1: Persistent headache attributed to moderate or severe traumatic injury to the head. (In the ICD-11 this would be coded 8A84.1). The diagnostic criteria for that is headache persisting more than 3 months after a head trauma, and the 'moderate to severe' qualifier is added if one of several conditions are met, one of which is "imaging evidence of a traumatic head injury" which hey! we know from Shuri's notes Bucky has!

"But Amelay! Wouldn't the serum have healed the TBI?" I mean, i feel like it did a LOT. With what they did to him, Bucky would be dead multiple times over if it he wasn't enhanced. Wakanda is the most medically advanced place on the planet, and Shuri is a genius, and she's not confident in her notes that she'll be able to even begin to fix what HYDRA did, even with Bucky being enhanced. Bucky gets significantly better by the time he leaves Wakanda, but even the serum has limits, and the brain is so incredibly complex- it's not like fixing a GSW or broken bone. In my opinion he still has a TBI.

"But Amelay! Yes, Bucky has a TBI, but you can't be sure he has headaches!" True. But a) he's fictional, and b) you also can't be sure he doesn't. And I want to believe that the reason he wears sunglasses is not to look cool as hell, but because the light is hurting his head. Let Bucky be disabled, cowards.

And also he looks cool as hell.

(Before anyone asks why he's okay with gunfire if the light hurts his eyes: HYDRA had incentive to train noise sensitivity out of him, if they wanted him to be in a firefight. But they gave the winter soldier dark googles during the bridge fight (during the day), but not when he shot fury or killed the starks (both at night). And then i think when he didn't have them during the helicarriers because it was a punishment. Afterwards, he was really fucked up, and possibly felt like he deserved the pain? idk man alternatively headache disorders are super fucking weird, sometimes stuff just doesn't seem logical.)

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

you don't really have a migraine if you can get on Tumblr lmao

This might be one of my strangest anons yet... Are you really trying to fucking gatekeep or police the symptoms of a neurological disorder?

I'm pretty sure I know what I can and can't tolerate when I'm dealing with a migraine, asshole. Some of my first were as early as elementary school. I'm now in my mid-twenties and by this point have been dealing with them chronically for several years.

Every migraineur is different, as is every migraine.

While some will have such severe symptoms that even the slightest smell, light or sound makes the pain they are experiencing worse, that is not the case for every sufferer, every time.

Go be weird somewhere else.

[violaceum-vitellina-viridis]

where am i at in migraine hell time right now, i hear absolutely no one ask me?

well. "really feeling noah kahan lyrics" is the answer, so.

[thirteenemeraldcats]

Roses for use whenever!

*kicks WIP pile under the bed* DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I haven't had access to any of my WIPs for over a week, so, what's a dumb-dumb to do? Start more!

Jamie whimpers again, the sound muffled from where his face is pressed tight against Roy’s abdomen, as the bus rocks slightly beneath them. Kenneth has been careful since Jamie first went down, cautiously easing the coach to a gentle brake rather than the somewhat haphazard way he usually approaches deceleration, but Kenneth's efforts and his Coaches’ careful hands still aren’t enough to protect Jamie right now. His player’s obvious distress raises a frantic sense of helplessness in Roy, and he has to tear his eyes away from the walnut-mist head he’s cradling in his lap. Instead he stares straight ahead, studying the uncharacteristically subdued Greyhounds scattered in front of him. Between their unfamiliar silence and the eerie glow of fluorescent red lights filtering in through the front window, cast from the traffic light that’s ceased their steady progress home, Roy doesn’t find the reassurance he was looking for. As that violent red glow changes to a vivid green and the bus again resumes it’s forward motion, Jamie doesn’t make any more noise. Roy wishes he could delude himself into thinking that means he isn’t in pain but his eyes have caught on the shaking of Jamie’s bloodless fingers where they’re curled into a claw, desperately digging into the meat of his side.  Jamie’s still hurting. Jamie’s trying to be quiet.

[halinski]

rant in tags about perscription medication and withdrawals

continued here bc i reached tag limit and i'm still??

it's kinda scary tbh

like i was scared for years now of what would happen off my meds and

when i tried tapering off my antidepressants oof i was breaking down every day and now i /know/ i'm dependant on them and idk if that's better or worse

and with the antipsychotics it's like i thought they were helping my depression too bc when tapering off i was also so panicked and depressed (tho my situation is kinda stressful rn)

but idk i've been trying meds on and off for half my life now and most of the time i'm like 🤷

but the truth is

it's fucking scary how it messes with your body

it's fucking scary when you're dependant on a pill

OR ALSO

when pills fuck your body up to the point you can only eat one thing

bc that's the reason i'm going off the antipsychotics and guess what, i'm able to eat more again now

idk if it's just in combination with the hormon pill tbh i'm just going off both now and we'll see how my iron levels and migrains deal lmao

i feel like i can't think straight anymore

gonna have to get new docs anyway so we'll see what they say if(/when) i go anemic again or if going off the antipsychotics will actually fix the issue??

if so, then it'll be like how did this sneak up on me, i've been taking them for 2.5 years like

??

and now i've lost 20lbs despite trying everything to maintain or gain some the past year and a half and i'm at my lowest weight since i was like a preteen lol

and that's all bc of a med that didn't feel like it had an acute effect

or maybe i'm so removed from my body i didn't notice until i got the acute gastritis ??

i mean i can't even be sure its the meds or not until i'm off

and tapering the rest off is gonna be so fun fuck

i dont wanna

i wanna be able to eat more than bread i guess but at this point the thought just scares me and like i associate it with pain and nausea

which as long as i can manage it is fine

but i've only tapered off half, i still have to taper off the other half of the dosage 😭

and with the hormon pill gone again the worst menstrual pain will be back and idk how to manage that, i guess hopefully with the meds gone i won't go anemic again but who knows at this point??

also praying my migraines don't come back but uh... i am pessimistic. i don't have much hope

anyway

moral of the story.....

ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO TAPER OFF YOUR MEDS KIDS BC EVEN JUST TAPERING IS SCARY AND GOING COLD CHICKEN IS PROBABLY HELL

doctors can be annoying (and make things harder, like in my case bc i literally asked if it could be my current meds MONTHS ago, and everyone was like noooooo but guess who was RIGHT) sometimes BUUUUT you should listen to them avout certain things

like

tapering off meds

[artiststarme]

Steve had a tendency to self-isolate when he was upset or overwhelmed. He would retreat into himself and pull away from those close to him. He needed time away from everything so he could think and relax. Robin would reach out, Eddie would be there to ground him, and the kids would be there to try and pull him back. And eventually it would work. He’d go back to being regular ole’ Steve like nothing had ever been wrong.

Eddie was much the same. He tended to self-catastrophize and run away when things became too much. He’d seen a lot in his life and if he’d learned anything, it was that you got the hell out of dodge when things went sideways. When things became too overwhelming, he had Wayne to talk him down usually. He had Steve to find him and smother him with reassuring touches. Robin was there to drag him back to Steve’s house for movies or beers and Nancy was there as the looming presence that threatened to hunt him down if he disappeared again.

They each had each other and their family to fall back on. And whenever things started getting bad for either of them, Eddie would lie on top of Steve to offer pressure therapy alongside a litany of smooches and conversation. Steve would spoon Eddie and braid his long hair so it wasn’t in his face and he had one less thing to be concerned about. Most of all though, they loved each other and that was the most important part of all.

[semiotomatics]

lol. i think ive reached my limit.

[motleyfam]

So, in the fic where Tim gets his appendix out, Jason tells him that he usually freaks out before he gets put under, not after. Now that Tim knows, how would he comfort Jason? I'm thinking, like, imagine that Jason breaks his leg badly on patrol, so urgent surgery is in order. Would Tim try to prevent him from freaking out? How?

P.s. i said i a thousand rimes bur I love your works!! You're amazing!!

Ooh so I've actually answered a similar question pretty recently (although that was focused more on the needle aspect than the anesthesia/loss of control aspect which I headcanon to be Jason's main issue with being put under)

Honestly? I think Tim would be the worst family member to try to comfort Jason through something like this. Not for anything that Tim is doing right or wrong, just because anesthesia is something that really freaks Jason out, and his response to being freaked out is a) to angry cry, and b) to lash out at people. Because he knows this about himself, and he's also extremely protective of Tim, he tries not to let Tim see him when he's not fully in control of himself. So while Jason would totally be great in a crisis involving Tim, he does terribly when the roles are reversed.

BUT that being said, if Tim was the only one available, I think Tim would end up offering his hand to squeeze, and Jason would hesitate at first but eventually take it. He'd probably also be trying really hard not to cry, which Tim would very intentionally act as through he wasn't noticing because at the end of the day, Jason needs his dignity more than anything.

[queenieofaces]

had a student approach me after lecture to ask if my ring was an ace ring today, which A. delightful (they wanted to know where I got mine because they are in the market for one) and B. happens a LOT less frequently than you would expect

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!