#might i add i am having an absolute BLAST writing w you my lovely

[wildlcck]

JOHN (@homelander-rp-blog): "That man you got there all roped-up.. that's my bounty! Hand him over!"

━━━🥀━━━

if she had a goddamn dime for every time something like this happened... well, she wouldn't need to be chasing down and roping fools here, there and everywhere, would she, now? a rough, gruff, humourless chuckle's spat from her at this, followed by a shake of her head. ❛ yer more than welcome to him, mister. ❜ drawing and thumbing the hammer of one cattleman, determination, provocation, an invitation, perhaps, something, glinting in her eyes. struck all of a sudden why it is that stray dogs'll tear your hand off over a hunk of rotten meat. ❛ soon as you've pried 'im from my cold, dead paws. you got a rattle you're lookin' to trade for this fool? seein' as you reckon i was born yesterday an' all! you ever heard the sayin', finders keepers? this charmer's all mine, blondie. ❜

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Hey Vaunna, if you ever want to try and write something to make me cry, hit me up. Imma start making a list of things I’ve almost and actually cried over in fics-

Make me suffer, I dare you.

welp here we go! good luck everyone LOL

summary: Team ZIT face a blast from Zedaph's past

...

“I dunno about you but I think having only a set of coordinates sent to our communicators with no explanation is never a good thing,” says Tango, gazing around the clearing.

Impulse nods. “Agreed. Especially considering it’s been five minutes and… nobody’s here.”

As if on cue, someone walks out through the trees. The two jerk in surprise but relax when they register who it is.

“Oh, Zed, it’s you,” breathes Tango. “Why did you send us these coords?”

Zedaph doesn’t reply as he walks over to a tree on the edge of the clearing and pulls a lever.

Immediately, a glass box springs up from the ground and closes around the two.

“Hey!” Tango snaps, hitting the glass with his first. “What the hell are you doing, Zed?!”

“Tango?!” comes Zedaph’s voice from the opposite side of the clearing.

Tango and Impulse turn sharply to find… Zedaph running into the clearing.

After a stunned moment, they turn back. Zedaph is standing by the lever he just pulled, but he doesn’t look EXACTLY like Zedaph anymore. His eyes flash red, his hair more tousled and a slightly darker shade of blond.

“What’s happening here?!” Tango demands. “Why are there two of you? Who’s the real Zed?!”

“I am,” says the newcomer Zedaph immediately. “He’s…”

His face pales as he properly registers who’s standing on the other side of the clearing.

“I’m Helsaph,” the first Zedaph says. “Your dear Zedaph’s hels counterpart.”

“What’s going on?” asks Impulse nervously. “Why have you locked us in a glass box?”

“Oh, cuz I thought you might want to hear about what Zedaph did to me,” Helsaph responds aggressively.

Zedaph slowly moves forward towards Helsaph, but stops several blocks away. “I…”

“What the hell could Zed have possibly done to YOU?” Tango growls.

Helsaph jabs his finger at his counterpart. “You wanna tell them what you did or shall I?”

Zedaph’s mouth opens and closes uselessly for a few seconds, before he squeezes his eyes shut and looks away.

Helsaph turns to the two in the box. “Let me see if this jogs your memory of anything.”

He pulls out a pink item from his pocket and holds it up to his eyes.

Tango and Impulse freeze in horror.

“Look familiar?” says Helsaph challengingly. “Huh?”

Impulse stares helplessly at the helsmit. “I don’t… understand.”

Helsaph barks a laugh. “What, you don’t really think it was the real Zedaph under that mask, do you? Surely you don’t really think the mastermind behind the PR stunt that was Wormman would be out there risking his OWN neck?”

“Zed, what is he saying?” Tango demands.

“I recruited Helsaph to be Wormman and then I abandoned him in Season 5 when we moved on to the next world!” Zedaph bursts out suddenly.

Silence falls. Tango and Impulse exchange a look of horror.

“You didn’t know that, huh?” Helsaph taunts. “Guess your precious little best friend never told you that he’s not the moral angel you think he is.”

“Zed…” Impulse gazes at his friend in disappointment. “Why?”

Zedaph doesn’t answer. Instead, he murmurs, “There. I said it. Is that what you wanted, Helsaph?”

Helsaph grabs Zedaph by the collar and yanks him off the ground. “Is that it?! “Is that what you wanted?”?! YOU ABANDONED ME IN A GHOST WORLD FOR THREE YEARS!”

He tosses Zedaph away as if Zedaph weighed nothing. No sooner has Zedaph landed on the ground than he looks up to find Helsaph charging at him. He can’t react in time to stop Helsaph from slamming his boot into his stomach, yanking all the air from his lungs and causing him to dissolve into a fit of coughing.

“ZED!” Tango screeches, hitting the glass wall with all his strength. It starts to crack under his blows.

“You made me play the hero!” Helsaph yells at his counterpart. “You trained me and spent time with me and made me CARE about you and then you just tossed me aside like I was NOTHING to you! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to learn that the person you thought loved you actually didn’t give a DAMN about you?!”

“I…!” Zedaph’s voice fails and he hangs his head. “I’m… I’m sorry...”

“Oh, you’re SORRY?”

Helsaph grabs Zedaph by the throat and slams him against a tree, the pressure on Zedaph’s windpipe abruptly cutting off his breathing.

“You think SORRY is going to make up for what you did?!”

“Get off him!” screams Tango’s voice.

A second later, Tango himself barrels into Helsaph, knocking him to the ground and releasing his grip on Zedaph, who drops to his knees, gasping for breath.

Impulse appears at Zedaph’s side and envelopes him in a hug. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s okay, Zed.”

A little way off, Tango is kneeling on Helsaph’s back, keeping him pressed to the ground. As Helsaph struggles against Tango’s grip on his arms, he screams, “All I wanted was to be loved! ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE ACCEPTED!”

“Shut up!” Tango snarls at him.

“Tango, don’t hurt him!” pleads Zedaph hoarsely, his vision blurred. Weakly pushing Impulse away, he stumbles blindly towards the hazy figures of Helsaph and Tango. “Let him go!”

“Let him go?!” Tango echoes in disbelief. “HE TRIED TO KILL YOU!”

“Please, Tango! Let him go!”

Tango stares at Zedaph in disbelief for a moment, before huffing and releasing Helsaph, though he keeps a firm eye on the helsmit. “Fine.”

Helsaph slowly pushes himself to his knees, his eyes fixed on Zedaph. All his anger seems to have vanished, replaced by despair. “Why did you not want me anymore?” he cries. “W-Was I not good enough…? Did I do something wrong…?”

“No…! I never intended to hurt you.” Zedaph’s voice cracks with emotion. “This is all my fault. I should never have abandoned you, I… I was just so scared of what you might become that I never considered I could help you not become it. And instead… my worst fears came true, and it’s all my fault. Helsaph, I’m so sorry.”

Zedaph slowly moves forward and, kneeling down in front of Helsaph, brings him into a hug.

And after a few seconds, the dam breaks.

Tango and Impulse stand together a safe distance away, watching their best friend hug his crying Hels counterpart.

“All he ever wanted was a family,” says Impulse quietly. “People to care about him the way we care about Zed.”

Tango hesitates for a moment, then makes a decision. He joins Zedaph and Helsaph on the ground and wraps his arms around both of them. Impulse does the same on the other side, both he and Tango holding their Zedaphs tightly.

“I wanna be a hero again, Zedaph,” croaks Helsaph. “Have I messed it up?”

“No no, you haven’t messed anything up,” Zedaph says reassuringly. “If anything, I’M the one who messed everything up. Can you forgive me, Hels…?”

Helsaph sits back on his heels, regarding Zedaph with wary eyes. “But… But how do I know you won’t abandon me again if I stop being useful?”

Zedaph anxiously clasps his hands together. “I know you won’t trust me again for a long time, and that’s… that’s completely valid. But I… I refuse to judge your worth based on how “useful” you are again. From now on, you’re my brother and I’ll stick by you, no matter what.”

“B… Brother…?” repeats Helsaph shakily. “You mean…?”

“You’re part of the ZIT family now,” Impulse chuckles, tousling Helsaph’s hair. “Double Zedaph.”

Helsaph stares at Impulse with wide eyes. “I… Why would you want me here after everything I did…?”

“Because Zed made some mistakes and he’s my friend so I want to help him fix them,” Impulse replies kindly. “Right, Tango?”

Tango nods back. “Absolutely. Plus, I mean, you can never have too much Zedaph, know what I mean?”

Sensing that Helsaph is about to cry again, Zedaph quickly steps in and says, “You know, Hels, you actually arrived at a great time. We could do with a hero right now. You remember Evil X?”

Helsaph nods, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “Very well.”

“They’re back on the server causing a bit of mischief, running a scheme that’s definitely a scam. The server could use a hero to keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t do anything evil.” Zedaph grins. “What do you think? You up to the challenge?”

“I…” Helsaph hesitates. “I’m out of practise.”

“Don’t you worry about that,” says Tango. “We’ll help ya.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna train you back up into the best superhero on the server,” Impulse adds happily.

Zedaph hands Helsaph the pink mask the latter dropped earlier. “Welcome back, Wormman,” he says softly.

After a moment, Helsaph takes the mask and puts it on.

And with this action, Helsaph’s road to recovery, surrounded by his brand new family, begins.

[cobaltusami]

Can we get a Ishimondo fic please? Maybe lee!Mondo but its up to you lee!Taka is fine too. May we a tk fic with ishimondo is all I request if its ok friend.

I mcfricking love these two dorks so much-- I had a blast writing this so thank you so much for requesting It friend!

Words: 2746

Characters: Lee!Mondo, Ler!Taka

Pairing: Ishimondo

EDIT: Part two Is here!

Part two: Lesson Learned

Merciless

The library was normally vacant at this hour, as most sane people were In their beds sleeping at three In the morning. Not Kiyotaka Ishimaru though. And by proxy, neither was Mondo Owada, whom Taka had pulled out of bed at this ungodly hour to help study before classes started for the day.

Mondo propped his face up with his hand, His eyes half open as Taka droned on about biology. Was he listening? Well… An attempt was certainly made. But that was It.

The biker hadn’t even had time to fix his hair or throw on real clothes when his boyfriend came barging In- Something he normally didn’t mind but found a bit much today.

He had time to quickly throw on a zip up jacket and throw his hair up into a messy bun, a look he didn’t particularly care to sport. At least his pajama pants sort of matched his jacket…

“Mondo! Are you even listening to me??” Taka stopped his lecture suddenly, whipping around to face his half asleep boyfriend.

“Huh? Yeah, Totally.” Mondo mumbled, sitting upright and rubbing his eyes. 

“Repeat back what I just said.” Taka challenged, folding his arms as he sat down across from the other student.

“You were talking about bones and stuff.” He yawned and stretched.

Taka sighed, resting his arms on the table. “Yes but you aren’t taking In anything I’m saying.” He responded in a softer tone.

“I’m sorry, I’m trying It’s just…” Mondo felt his face flush with embarrassment. “It’s too god damn early In the morning!” 

He tried to put on his usual annoyed or angry tone, But he failed miserably. This didn’t go unnoticed by the energized student.

“Is something else bothering you? Is It me? Do you not like studying with me?” Taka rambled anxiously. “Because I-If so, I can ask someone else to--”

“No! No, It’s nothing like that.” Mondo interrupted, He reached across the table and grabbed Taka’s hands, holding them in his own slightly trembling one’s. “I-It’s just… I’m sorry.” He sighed, Looking away.

“What Is It? What’s bothering you, Bro?”

Mondo flinched, internally shoving his feelings aside as he refused to look at Ishimaru. “Don’t worry about It.” He replied in a softer tone.

Taka knew Mondo quite well by now, as they had been dating for several months. He knew that something was definitely troubling the Biker gang leader, And that he would sooner convince Leon that baseball was fun than he would get him to discuss what was troubling him.

That’s why he needed some... Encouragement.

“Fine. I guess we should continue then.” He pulled his hands away slowly, he didn’t really want to break the hold but it was required for this to work. “Perhaps I need a more direct teaching method.”

Mondo quizzically studied his face. What could he mean by that?

Taka got up and went over to Mondo’s side. “What are the bones in your spine called?”

“Wha? That’s not In the…”

“Answer my question.”

Mondo narrowed his eyes as he looked up at the raven haired student. What Is he up to? “Vertebrae.”

“Very good. How many are there?” Taka walked around him, Standing behind him now.

“Fuck If I know, That’s not even on this upcoming tes--” Mondo clamped his mouth shut as he felt a finger slowly trailing up his spine. He arched his back away from the strange sensations as he stifled a giggle. “What the fuck are you doing?!” He snapped.

As he tried to turn around In his seat to fix Taka with a glare, He felt Taka place his forearm against the back of his shoulders near his neck, and pushed him down against the table, pinning him there.

“How many Vertebrae make up the spine?” He repeated the question calmly, As If this were totally normal.

“Get the hell off of me!” He complained, struggling. Taka was surprisingly strong, able to hold him in place with relative ease.

He felt fingers begin to lightly scribble around his back, paying special attention to his spine. He tried to suppress his giggles, But found he was unable to due to being so tired. “T-Tahahaka! What the hehehell are you doing?!”

“I’m helping you study.” He answered without missing a beat. “How many Vertebrae are there?”

“Thihihihirty threehehehehe!” He giggled tiredly, Relieved when the tickling stopped momentarily.

“Correct. See? You did know! It Is The Cervical, The Thoracic, The Lumbar, and The Caudal vertebrae that make up the spine.” He informed him. “Where on your spine Is the Cervical?”

“The neck.”

“Good. How many of those thirty three are Cervical Vertebrae?” He asked, Smirking.

“I-I don’t know!” Mondo stammered, feeling butterflies fluttering around in his stomach.

“That’s not an answer, Kyoudai.” Taka teased, fluttering his fingers lightly against his neck. 

This action drew an actual squeal from the tough biker as he tried to turn his head to protect his neck. “Tahahahaka! Stahahahap Ihit!”

“As soon as you answer my question!” The Ultimate Moral Compass couldn’t help but chuckle at the not so manly sounds coming from Mondo-- who by the way, was giggling quite adorably at the moment he might add.

“I dohohohon’t knohohow!” He tittered, squirming around to no avail.

“Think about It, how many does it feel like?” Taka hummed. Adjusting his hold on Mondo, he was now able to use his other hand to tickle his neck. He used his other hand to press into each vertebrae in his neck carefully. “Count out loud, How many Is It?” 

Mondo decided that Taka was enjoying this waaaay too much, and he was so gonna get it later. “Onehehe, Twohoho… Threehehee, F-Fohohour…”

Taka suddenly leaned forward and smothered the side of Mondo’s neck with raspberries, Causing him to shriek in surprise.

“FihihivEEEEE! HAHAHAHA! T-TAHAHAKAaAaA!”

“Oh, Whoops, Looks like you lost count. Guess I’ll just start over for you.” He smiled, starting over at the top of his neck. “Don’t lose count this time~”

“I swehehear to gohohod, You’re sohohoho dead after thihis!” He giggled, sending his best glare over his shoulder at his evil boyfriend.

“You’re not counting, Kyoudai~” He sang teasingly, speeding up the tickles to his neck.

Mondo began laughing now, complying with his demands and counting aloud once again.

After some very s l o w movements down his neck, most likely to extend the tickles and make him suffer, he finally arrived at the last vertebrae. “Seheheheven! Ihihihit’s seheheven!” 

Taka relented, pulling back and releasing Mondo from his hold. “Very good!” He beamed.

While Mondo was leaning back in his seat catching his breath, Taka thought about his next attack. He reached around the chair, pinning Mondo’s arms to his sides as he unzipped Mondo’s jacket. 

“The fuck are you doing now?” He panted, too tired to struggle.

Taka leaned down and rested his chin on his shoulder, smiling as he glanced at Mondo’s flushed face. “How many ribs does a person have?”

Mondo’s eyes widened as he nervously thought about it. “T-Twenty four?”

“You don’t sound too sure, Mondo.” Taka continued to smile as he spoke. “Are you absolutely sure?”

Mondo went over his previous biology classes in his head, thinking it over as quickly as he could. “Yeah.” He replied carefully, not liking the smile on Taka’s face one bit.

Taka hummed. “Okay… If that’s your answer.”

“W-Wait! H-How many Is it??”

“I thought you were absolutely sure?”

“I-I am! I just… want confirmation.” 

“Well, If you insist.” Without another word he dug into his ribs.

“TAKA! I mehehean’t verbal confirmaaaation! HAhahahahahaha!”

“You weren’t specific, And since you’ve had trouble taking in my verbal teachings thus far, I feel like my hands on approach Is much more effective!” He grinned, clearly enjoying himself. “Worry not, Kyoudai! I’ll count for you this time!” 

“Dohohohon’t you fucking dahahahare!”

Ignoring the empty threats and string of curses Taka began massaging circles against the sensitive bones, starting at the bottom and working his way up. “One, Two, Three…”

“Shuhuhuhut the fuhuhuhuck up!” Mondo barked out through his laughter, his face was hot with embarrassment at the teasing.

“That’s not a very nice thing to say. And you made me lose my place!” Taka frowned, pausing his ticklish attack.

“Y-You deserved It.” Mondo mumbled between small gasps for air.

“I don’t know why you’re so upset, I’m simply trying to help you better your grades!” He said innocently.

“Bull fucking shit.” The Biker retorted. “You’re just having fun tickling the hell out of me, You’re fucking merciless!”

His cruel boyfriend let out an amused laugh, Mondo could be such a drama king sometimes… “Please, Mondo. I--”

“Just you wait until I get my hands on you, Kiyotaka Ishimaru. You’re gonna scream so loud with laughter that you won’t be able to talk for days.” 

“Oh? Is that a threat?” Mercy? We don’t know her anymore. Taka has now woken up and chosen violence.

“Well, In that case, I suppose I should take it up a notch… Wouldn’t you agree, Kyoudai?” The red eyed man whispered in his hotheaded boyfriend’s ear.

Mondo Is now as good as dead, Like please sign your last will and testament by the x on the dotted line.

“W-What are yo--”

“How many nerves are In the human body?” 

“How am I supposed to know?! No one knows an exact amount!”

“Maybe not an exact number, But there is an approximate. So what Is it?” Taka asked. “How many horribly ticklish nerves do you have?”

It was at this moment he knew, He fucked up. “T-Taka wait I--”

“Hmm. Well, Perhaps I can help you figure It out.” Taka smiled mischievously as he shoved his hands under Mondo’s arms, wiggling his fingers with reckless abandon.

Mondo screeched and threw his head back in hysterics. He thrashed around with newfound energy. “SHIHIHIT! TAHAHAHAHAKA NOHOHOHOT THEHEHERE!”

“Well? Do you want to wager a guess? How many nerves does it feel like?” Taka’s sweet smile deceived his cruel actions. “I would imagine It has to be quite a few! You wouldn’t be laughing this much If there weren’t a lot of ticklish nerve endings everywhere. Especially In this spot.”

Mondo doubled over as much as he could, laughter wracking his body. He did this in an attempt to break Taka’s bearhug-like hold on him, but he held strong. “I DOHOHOHON’T KNOW!” 

“Not even a guess? Okay, I’ll give you a hint then. It’s not a million or a billion!” Taka laughed at the squeal that erupted from his boyfriend when he started tickling faster.

“FAHAHAHACK! A-A TRIHIHIHILLION!?”

“Yes! But how many trillion Mondo??”

There was no end In sight, Nor any escape. He even tried throwing himself out of the chair but the merciless assailant wouldn’t allow him to, since he had his arms locked around the back of the chair as well.

After what felt like forever, The Biker sank back into the chair, his head resting against The hall monitor’s shoulder as he laughed. His body felt like jello at this point from a mixture of laughing, struggling, and just not getting a lot of sleep the night before.

Surprisingly enough, Taka relented and withdrew his hands, though he kept his arms around the still giggling man before him. “The answer Is over seven trillion.” 

“Fuhuhuck… That was evil…” He panted.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have threatened me.” the raven haired man hummed in response. “Besides, I learned from you.”

Okay, so maybe we do know who Mercy Is, It seems like things are finally calming down between these two and-- 

“It wasn’t a threat… It was a damn promise…” Mondo growled.

Taka sighed. “You never learn, Do you?”

He unceremoniously released his hold on Mondo as he had started to struggle again, causing the biker to tip his chair over to the side and hit the floor with a yelp of surprise and an ungraceful thud.

Taka was quick to follow him to the floor, straddling his legs and grabbing both of his wrists in one hand to hold them in place. “Are you ready for your next lesson?” He asked, Energized again.

“For the last time… Get the hell off of me!” Mondo yelled, flailing as much as possible. Though that wasn’t a whole lot.

“Don’t worry, It’s the final question!” Taka responded with a mischievous smile. “Ready?”

Mondo eyed him cautiously but said nothing.

Taka leaned down near Mondo’s face, His smile widening into a grin as he spoke in a calm tone. “How many raspberries can your stomach take?”

Chills shot down his spine, that had to be the most unnerving question he’s gotten In a while. “T-Taka, Don’t you dare. I swear to God! I will kick your ass!” He tried to sound angry, but It came out panicked instead.

“Well? How many? One? Two?” Taka pondered aloud. 

“None!”

“None? I’m sure that’s not true, Kyoudai! Don’t be modest, You’re quite tough... I think you can handle at least five!” Taka beamed, giggling.

“FIVE?! Do you want to kill me!? I’ll fucking die!”

“But Mondo! We must find out, For science!” Taka declared, wasting no more time he dipped down and blew a raspberry against Mondo’s quivering belly.

The Ultimate exploded, Laughing rather uproariously as his back arched out of reflex. “NAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TAHAHAHAKAA!”

“One~” He sang teasingly before blowing another raspberry.

“GAHAHAHAHAD DAHAHAHAMMIT STAHAHAHAHAP!”

“Two~” and another one. “Three~”

“IHIHIHIHIM SOHOHOHORRY FOR THREHEHEHEATENING YOUHUHU!” 

“Hmm? What was that?” Taka asked, halting his ‘scientific studies’ for a moment.

“I-I’m sohohorry… for threheheheatening you…” The giggles still poured freely past his lips as he gasped for air. “I wohohn’t… Get revehehenge on you… Just stohohop…”

“What If I don’t believe you?” Taka asked cautiously.

“I promise…” Mondo mumbled. “I won’t seek revenge on you If you let me up right now.”

Hmmmmm…

“I’ll let you up on one more condition.” Kiyotaka said, His face  turned serious for the first time since this started. “Tell me what was bothering you earlier.”

Mondo flinched. “L-Listen man… It’s kind of embarrassing…”

“Why? You know I don’t judge you, Kyoudai.” Taka frowned. “You can tell me anything.”

“N-Not this I can’t.” Mondo stuttered, Looking away. “Just trust me, It’s better you don’t-- GAHAHAHAHA! TAAAHAHAHAHAHAKAHAHA!” He shrieked with laughter as Taka blew another raspberry.

“Four. Sorry bro, But those are my demands. If you do not comply then I’ll be forced to--”

“OKAYOKAY JUST STAHAP!”

Taka smiled and moved off of the tough student, sitting next to him on the floor. “What was bothering you?” he asked after giving him a moment to collect himself.

Mondo sat up, his face burning with embarrassment as he spoke. “It’s just…” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “When I’m tired, I wanna find somewhere comfortable to rest… And…”

“And?” Taka asked, perplexed.

Mondo took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “W-WELL, I KEPT ZONING OUT BECAUSEIWANTEDTOCUDDLEUPTOYOUANDSLEEP-- There! I said It!” 

Taka’s face turned pink and his eyes widened a little. He knew Mondo was telling the truth, because he yelled. Which meant he was nervous. 

“S-S-See? I told you that you didn’t want to-- ACK!”

Mondo opened his eyes just in time to get tackled back down to the floor by Taka, This time In a hug. “Why didn’t you just say so earlier!? I was worried you didn’t like spending so much time with me or something!” He mumbled into Mondo’s shoulder.

“Wha?? Why the fuck would you think that?! Of course I like spending time with you babe!”

Babe... It has a nice ring to it. “B-Because... Most people get tired of me.” 

Mondo frowned and gently pulled back from Taka’s hug to look into his eyes. “Hey, Listen. I will never get tired of you. I love spending time with you!”

“Even today?” Taka looked up at Mondo with a hopeful look on his face. 

His cheeks turned red again. “Y-Yeah… Even today… J-Just don’t get used to using that teaching method!” He tried to pick up the shattered pieces of his tough exterior, but alas, they were gone.

Taka giggled with amusement. “Deal. I’ll only use it when you really aren’t paying attention.”

Mondo flinched, Making a mental note to try to always pay attention from now on.

Taka went to pull away from him, but Mondo pulled him back against his chest. “Where do you think you’re going? This Isn’t over.” Mondo smirked.

“B-But Mondo! You promised you wouldn’t--”

“Uh-uh~ I promised no revenge if you were to let me up at that exact moment. Which you did not.” The biker reminded teasingly, positioning his fingers over Taka’s sides. “Any last words, Kyoudai?”

“W-Wait, M-Mondo-- NOHOHOHO!”

Let’s just say, Not a whole lot of studying was done for the remainder of their session. The library filled with laughter once more.

[beecherdrysdale]

Hello my bbs, hope everyone’s ok!.

The amounts of screenshots I took for this....

To start: haha I guess brigid and Dylan are in the same car together, but who’s at the front? Like Dylan better keep his hands to himself of Jamie’s gonna get jealoussssss. And it’s gonna be chaotic and quinton is gonna jump out of the car lol. Unless you put quinton upfront with you? Haha yes you ignore them and just talking to quinton hehe.

Brigid I do that as well, so get ready to lose when the light turns green! Kesh also likes to drive fast so it’ll be chaoticcccc.I am banishing Ryan to the back because I would definitely lose concentration. Quinner or Braden are the only ones that can sit upfront. Preferably Quinner so that I can hold his hand🥺 but I love you too braden. There is so much to see while driving in Canada, so frequent stops will be made. Plus the boys love Canada #nostalgic.

Lmao being in the car together would be so fun!!. Haha Dylan and Jamie braiding your hair would be hilarious, like they get into the biggest knot, why do I feel like Ryan would take a picture of it and post it on his insta story and would write “nice”😂 I do wanna see it tho. but like kesh said they would be giving you puppy eyes because they don’t want you to be mad at them, I’m not sure how you would react tho?. Hehe me pulling over, and quinton and devon just redoing your hair, and then I’d make them do my hair as well:). Ok so driving with the windows down and blasting music is good with everyone, I think we would playing all music lol , country for Brigid and Kirby? I think you like country? I’m playing 2000’s music- like a g6 would be so fun to blast in the car. Everyone is just dancing in the car. Some rap will be played for the boys. Kesh what music do you like? Does anyone else have any music suggestions? Haha cozzy, Devon and Braden just being passed out for the drive and literally not waking up to the music. Late night drives are adorable, esp with the make outs hehe.

Ok so we have decided that kesh is the most responsible on the trip which I totally agree with, somebody’s gotta keep us in check. Cozzy is apparently still sleeping, boy must be tired from all those nhl games hehe. Lmao sending Kirby with us, and you yeeling at Dylan not to buy a tv😂. We would so chaotic in the grocery store, like riding in the shopping cart, but also everybody’s racing to get their food, which would be majority of junk food hehe. Honestly we would buy so much food we are literally on a vacay with hockey players who eat a lot haha. The cash register would be shocked. Awww kesh, you being like “kirbs I didn’t even give you that many directions” but him being totally clueless and just trying to kiss you. him being “hmmmm but we didn’t get a tv, and we got some carrots and veggies” lmao I love that kesh please keep writing those.

Haha you got it right, I would be so confused, like how did we get so much food ?! Brigid, you did go overboard but I love it and we will eat our candy :) Dylan bring a ps5 is the funniest shit ever. Food discussion: yes to all of those candies, all dressed ruffles are delish so imma throw in a few bags. Dark chocolate is a must, hehe we should buy fruit and veggies. I don’t think I last that long with junk food hehe. Oo yess we are go a get an Nanaimo bars and poutine :) ooo and BEAVER TAILS . Those are sooo good. I can buy for everybody, esp quinner so that we can recreated that gif of him eating one.

Haha yes, Ryan and I will be there with the non stop chirps. We love them, but still you and Dylan getting 🥵 is 🤌. Hehe yes I mean Dylan h is gorg as well so quinner better work quick lol. Ooo brigid is feeling up some muscles, we love that. But also yes to the straddling and being soft w Jamie. Kesh they are a blushing mess, because they wanna be with Brigid all the time. We are absolutely recreating those wakeboarding lake pics, we have to witness that again- esp you brigid w Dylannnnn. We love some sunscreen and aloe vera.

Thank you, boats are fun! Yess Brigid is sharing the tube with Dylan and Jamie or just making the boys jealous 😏 and me or Ryan would probably make you intentionally fall off the tube lol. Maybe I can get quinner to go with me. Ryan is just waiting for that moment for Quinner to leave to push me in but I would be to quick and grab him as well 😂. Haha brigid needs a break and is just watching us lol. Haha Braden and Ryan pulling pranks on dyl and Jamie we love that. Aww kesh Quinner is being protective and wants to be with me.oh yes, Jamie and dyl staring at Brigid cuz she’s gorgeous in her bikini. We all look hot tho. Kesh is just chilling w kirbs. Lmao “I feel like we should stop Dylan and Jamie before they hurt themselves” and then kirbs being like “Devon is with them, there goes Dylan and Jamie” I love these.

Awww Quinner following me around 🥺 we’d be cute drunks. Ooo yes, Dylan and Jamie getting jealous, but they wanna be constantly around you, so I understand. Clubbing is a success, we are all pumped up w alcohol hehe. Lmao Devon and cozzy trying to get a girl but Ryan and Braden keep foiling their plans 😂 hehe kesh just chilling and wanting to help dev and cozzy but Kirby is to busy watching quinner, also question who is he doing the body shot on?

Yess the locked room would be not a Lexi and Ryan chaos, aw yes I get to know Dylan better:)) I wanna be friends! He he yes he would start getting jealous but then maybe I’d help him get your attention, but we still gotta let you have your Jamie moments🥺

Awww we do love a body positive Queen, y’all are gorgeous !! Haha yes we need a girls day! Some good shopping will be happening, we gotta get Brigid some summery clothes. The guys would be in awe, esp Jamie Dylan and kirbyyyy !!. I do wanna steal their clothes tho. We got so handsy boys over here!. Aww kesh you would looks so cute in kirbs big shirt but also in a bikini.

Yesss Dylan and Jamie are in awe, like she’s gorgeous. Same with Kirby m.

Aww kesh you’re to nice😭 you made me cry. Me abs Quinner!

Ok imma add more gtg to practice

Xo Lexi

okkkk so i’m finally home from school and practice now so i’m ready to respond. i’m taking notes from kesh and adding a keep reading bc this is gonna be longgggg so be warned to anyone reading this

haha yes i’m keeping quinton up front with me bc i don’t want him to jump out of the car lmao. i’m not going to subject him to the possible sexual tension that would be going on in the car if dyl or jamie were in the front. like if one of them were in the front they would just start touching my thigh or something knowing the other one could see it but couldn’t do anything about it. and then i would get distracted from driving and we wouldn’t win lol. so i’m making jamie and dyl sit in the back so they mostly dyl can just yell at me to drive faster so that we win. and then i’ll just chill and talk to quinton bc i want to annoy the other two lol

haha don’t worry, me and dyl (and jamie and quinton) will dominate once again. like you guys might drive fast, but i can guarantee i drive faster. especially if dyl is yelling at me to go faster lol. haha but yes you’ll definitely have a better chance if you banish ryan to the back so he can’t distract you. so you let quinner sit in the front with you and hold your hand 🥺 but as soon as he tries to put it anywhere else you banish him to the back so you don’t get distracted lol. but we would definitely have to make a bunch of stops for the boys bc they’re back in canada

haha yes dyl and jamie try, they really do, but they can not seem to get the whole braiding thing down. and then it ends up in a huge knot and ofc ryan just laughs at my misfortune and takes pics of my hair to post on his story. haha and i’d pretend to be soooo mad at them, and i can be scary when i’m mad so they’d be freaking out and just giving me puppy eyes and being like i’m sorry i’ll make it up to you. but then eventually i can’t keep up the act anymore and just start dying of laughter and then they would be annoyed bc they were freaking out lol. but then we have to stop so that our hair can be fixed.

yesss i love driving with the windows down absolutely blasting music and then whenever you drive past someone they just turn and look at you lol. i’m really into rap and i feel like a lot of the guys are too, so we have to have a lot of rap lol. and then country for kirby and i like country too, so i’m down with that. and then for lexi we have early 2000s music, which i also like and i feel like the guys would be down with that judging by the fact that they played it in the locker room at wjc lol. kesh any other music suggestions? and somehow even tho the music blasting cozzy, devon, and braden are just out, like nothing is waking them up. omg yes late night drives are so cute 🥰 esp with a make out sesh lol

haha yes, kesh is definitely the most responsible one, bc most of the rest of us just have sm crackhead energy it’s unbelievable. somehow cozzy is still sleeping, like how? idk, but then he’s not coming with and neither is kesh so she sends kirby as the responsible one, and let’s just say that doesn’t end too well. haha us getting a million things, and then i, for once being somewhat responsible, say no we’re not buying a tv or a ps5, that’s so expensive. and they’re just like, but babe we have our nhl salaries, we can pay for it, so then i give in lmao. and everyone in the store would just be judging us bc we would be so chaotic and be running all over the store lol. and riding in the cart too lmao. and then we also have a shit ton of food and the cashier is just like wtf, but yk it’s fine. like we would have sm candy and chips, and then we would also get poutine and nanaimo bars and beaver tails. omg i want to try beaver tails soooo bad they sound so good. and then we can recreate the quinner gif lmao. but then we also have to have at least a little healthy food so we feel better about ourselves since we’re all athletes who are supposed to be following diets lmao

haha yes you and ryan would be chirping everyone for literally everything. but mostly me with dylan and jamie lmao. like literally anytime i even touch one of them you guys are all over us, and i’m just like whatever, but the guys are blushing sooo hard lol. but then since i don’t care i keep doing whatever, so like putting sunscreen/aloe vera on them and i’m straddling them, and ik we’re gonna get chirped, but i just don’t care

haha yes boats are so fun, but us on a boat = chaos. hehe all of us on our tubes, but then we’re all trying to flip each other over. and then when we’re finally being slightly calm on the boat and just sitting on the railing, ryan has to come and push lexi in, and then she pulls him in with her and it’s just chaos again. and then i’d be sitting there laughing my ass off, and then someone else decides to push me in lmao. and we’re all looking hot in our bikinis obviously so our boys are all trying to get our attention the whole time. lmao and then kesh is just chilling with kirby and trying to be the voice of reason to get jamie and dyl to stop trying to show off and then kirby’s like no they’ll be fine. they are not fine

hehe yes lexi and quinner being the cutest drunks, just being super soft with each other and clingy 🥺 but then also kind of wild bc apparently quinner is doing body shots off of you. which also i really want to do. like i don’t care if it’s jamie or dyl, but please can one of them do body shots off me? and then let’s say dyl does it first, then jamie sees him doing it and ofc he’s jealous so then jamie has to do one too. and then kesh is chilling with kirby and she’s like hey you should go be a wingman for devon and cozzy, make ryan and braden leave them alone. but kirby’s too busy watching the rest of us do body shots lmao

yes lexi finally gets to actually have an extended convo with dylan, when they’re not trying to annoy everyone who’s actually trying ofc. but then you notice him getting jealous of me with jamie, so you chirp him at first but then he’s getting really annoyed. so then you have to be like calm down, let them have their moment, you’ve have plenty lol. she likes both of you, you know

haha yes we def need a girls day where we’re not being chaotic for once lol. and then we get a lot of cute clothes and stuff. and then when we get back the guys make us model all of it for them lol. and all of them are in awe. like kirby and quinner are just like 😍😍 about you guys bc they think you’re so cute. but then also they love our clubbing clothes and are getting super handsy when we go lol. but then after clubbing we just steal their clothes and live in them for most of the rest of the vacation and they pretend to be annoyed, but they secretly don’t mind bc they think it’s hot when we wear their clothes, esp if it has their name

overall, yes i love all of this and both of you 💖 sorry it took so long lol

[birb-the-nerd]

Ending With A Blast

STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING. PLEASE GIVE ME A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME. I’m sure this has been done already in some shape/form, but I just felt compelled to do it.

*claps* 

Sooo, 2018 has come to an end. It has certainly been a wild year! Recently, I was scrolling through social media and as expected, there was a lot of talk about 2018. And what I saw struck a chord with me. I saw a lot of posts like “2018 was THE WORST YEAR EVER,” “There more bad than good this year!” “God, this year went on forever,” “honestly there was nothing good about 2018...” you get the idea. Just all over the place, people were complaining and talking about how bad 2018. Granted, MOST were News sources (not surprising) but even then it was just overwhelming. Of course, people are going to think negatively if that’s what they’re surrounded by constantly. Look, what I’m trying to get at is this: STOP. Just STOP. Stop with all this negativity! 2018 was not a horrible year! Did it have its downsides? Of course! Every year does! But people often overlook the great things that happen every year. 

You might say: “Well okay, maaaaybe this year wasn’t so bad, but we can agree that other years were way worse right?” OR “2018 maybe was not to YOU or for the majority of people, but it sure was bad for ME!” *Inhales* First off, people can argue every year was the worst year. Secondly, I’m sure there were moments in your life that sucked, but I can think of a few positive things that you might’ve had: you woke up today, you’re alive, the sun is still shining, you’re breathing, you ate today, you drank water, you said hi to someone, you spent time with friends/family, and so on. 

Even the smallest light is a light nonetheless, pushing away some of the darkness.

I could go on for hours & hours about this but to make this short, I liked to do something, as a community, as a bunch of people. You’ve all heard of the phrase, “Starting the year off with a bang?” Well, I wanna END this year off with a bang too! I want people to reblog and write a list or AT LEAST ten highlights of 2018 (no matter how tiny or pointless you may think it is). It doesn’t have to be just ten, make it 20, 30, Hell, do 100! The more, the better! :D Here’s my example below: 

BEST OF 2018 (for me): 

JSE How Did We Get Here Show (Detroit, MI one!) 

My Mom Got Her Associates!!!

Going to my first concert

My first music festival

Turning 19! 

My school’s Christmas Choir Concert

Getting more out of my comfort Zone

Making new Friends (and somehow a best friend???)

Doing Inktober/getting better at drawing 

Getting a 4.0 in my Psychology 101 college class

My sister celebrated her one-year w/ her boyfriend

Sold some of my fluid art paintings

Donating to Charity with my own money

My brother performed his first comedy skit at just 14

One of my inktober drawings being used as a cover for my church bulletins

My iron levels (specifically my ferritin) have increased!

Successfully babysitting for the first time (that wasn’t my family)

Sharing my interests with my family without feeling embarrassed

Getting accepted into the college I wanted 

Finally, accepting my body for what it is and not being ashamed of it

As you can see, there is no limit. There’s probably more I could’ve put but I can’t think of them at the moment. This isn’t meant to brag or make people feel horrible. I just want people to take the time and reflect on their year as a whole, spread a little PMA! 

Before I end this long post, I wanted to add a little bit of a message for 2019. If you still think 2018 was a horrible year, that’s fine! You’re allowed to feel that way. This year, Seán promoted PMA (Positive Mental Attitude). I think he’d agree with me and say this isn’t the end of PMA, definitely not. We need to keep that PMA and making it 1000% better next year! I want people to struggle to find anything negative to talk about during 2019, that’s how much positivity there needs to be. Spread the joy, even if it’s just to yourself, that’s fine! You matter just as much as anyone else. Live every day to the fullest (I know this is cliche but it works!) Even if you do absolutely nothing, you still are alive and breathing and that’s just wonderful. I love this community and I am so proud to see all the PMA we have. I can’t wait to see how much more we can do in 2019.

LET’S MAKE 2019 OUR YEAR

Tagging: @therealjacksepticeye , @turquoisemagpie (the two most positive peeples I know/seen. Hope you don’t mind me tagging you ^^’) 

Feel free to spread this to anyone, not just in the JSE community! Let’s fill Tumblr with joy! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! 

[haveclotheswilltravel]

ModCloth FitShop Washington, D.C.

ModCloth recently opened a new brick and mortar store in Washington, D.C. This will be their 3rd permanent location (including Austin and San Francisco). However, ModCloth’s “FitShops” aren’t your normal run-of-the-mill shops! I was fortunate enough to visit the Washington, D.C. FitShop last week and will explain how it works, plus my thoughts on the experience (and show some of the fun things I found) in this post.

How ModCloth’s FitShop Works

Usually, when you go to a clothing store, you wander around, try some things on and then purchase them. Given that ModCloth is a fun, online retailer, that’s not exactly how your shopping experience is going to go here – not that that’s a bad thing.

While you can certainly wander into a ModCloth store and look at their super cute merchandise…you won’t actually be able to buy the items in the store. Let me explain how this works…

1.) Make an Appointment with a ModCloth Stylist

To get the most out of your ModCloth shopping experience you should make an appointment ahead of time with a ModCloth Stylist. (Click here to do that!) You’ll answer a short questionnaire when you make your appointment, so your stylist will know roughly what you’re looking for. You can also give them permission to look at your ModCloth account, so they have a better idea of your style.

Pro Tip… Update your ModCloth wishlist! I, unfortunately, hadn’t done this and had bought many of the things on my wishlist already. My poor stylist had to take a completely different direction with their picks once I showed up and said… “Sorry, I already bought all of this.” My stylist was fantastic and had a new set of clothes for me to try on in no time – but it would’ve been much more efficient on my end to just have updated my wishlist before going in!

[show_ms_widget id=”36006703″ image_id=”41869297″ width=”780″ height=”520″] [show_shopthepost_widget id=”3252678″] 2.) Chat With Your Stylist + Shop Around

Once you arrive at the store, your stylist will sit down and chat with you about what you’re looking for. They’ll also let you look around the store at what’s all in stock. You’ll then get a little notepad to write down your favorite items. Then, you and your stylist will put together a whole bunch of outfits to try one! Let the fun begin!

3.) Try It All On!

[show_ms_widget id=”36006701″ image_id=”41869294″ width=”800″ height=”1000″]

[show_shopthepost_widget id=”3252764″]

Then comes the fun part…you get to try everything on! Your stylist will hand you the outfits they put together, and they will also be more than happy to offer any opinions and suggestions. I had so much fun trying on the different outfits my stylist put together. I wouldn’t have even bothered to try this jacket, so I am so happy my stylist suggested it! It turned out to be my favorite item of the day.

4.) Place Your Order or Add to Your Wishlist

Once you’re done trying on your outfits, you and your stylist will chat a little more about what you liked and didn’t like. You can then add items to your shopping cart or put them on your wishlist for later. The big perk of shopping in store is not only getting to try things on before you buy, but you’ll also get free express shipping right to your door! And if you’re lucky, you might stumble on a coupon when you’re in store too.

So, you won’t be able to take the items home with you that moment, but you’ll get super fast, free shipping!

My Thoughts on Shopping at a ModCloth FitShop

I had a blast shopping at the ModCloth Washington, D.C. FitShop! It was incredibly dangerous, haha! This is because it was a great opportunity to see things in person that I was too afraid to order online, as I wasn’t sure if I would love them (especially shoes – I have a really hard time ordering shoes online).

[show_ms_widget id=”36006704″ image_id=”41869298″ width=”780″ height=”520″] Those oxblood loafers are currently sitting in my shopping cart now! They fit my wide feet and were super comfortable.

Also, it opened my eyes to products I had seen on the website, that I didn’t think looked all that great. For example, the cute, cactus purse below is SO much cuter in person than it is on the website. Honestly, when I saw it on the website, I thought it looked rather cheap, but seeing it in person…oh man, I fell in love.

[show_ms_widget id=”36006705″ image_id=”41869299″ width=”780″ height=”520″]

Shop Local

I also thought it was nice that ModCloth was trying to feature small, local businesses. My stylist was telling me how a very talented jewelry maker was selling her handmade pieces in the store earlier that week. (I think they had all sold out by the time I got there!) There was also a local plant store selling succulents and bouquets. ( I think they were leftover from earlier in the week – fresh shipment coming on Monday!)

What I Found at the ModCloth DC FitShop

I found entirely too many cute things at the ModCloth Washington, D.C. FitShop! Like I said this was dangerous… Feel free to also click on any photos below to go to the products on ModCloth’s website!

[show_ms_widget id=”36006706″ image_id=”41869300″ width=”800″ height=”1000″]

Absolutely loved this dress…didn’t realize I needed it until I went into the store, haha. It’s true-to-size and so comfy and soft!

[show_ms_widget id=”36006707″ image_id=”41869301″ width=”800″ height=”1000″]

It was so much fun to finally try this galaxy dress on too! It looked way better on than I expected. It seemed like the arm holes were a little big on me, though. I’m not sure if I’d feel comfortable wearing it without a cardigan (because you could see my bra from the side). But gosh, I really liked it!

[show_ms_widget id=”36006708″ image_id=”41869302″ width=”800″ height=”1000″]

And how GORGEOUS are all these heels? I have the gold pair already, but I really want the middle pair with the flower! (The grey sparkly pair would be wonderful for a wedding.)

[show_ms_widget id=”36006709″ image_id=”41869303″ width=”780″ height=”520″]

Yep…totally bought this mustard bag I’ve been talking about nonstop. I’m SO excited!

My ModCloth FitShop Shopping Bag

So, the widget below is everything that I added to my bag…(Whoops!)

[show_shopthepost_widget id=”3252750″]

Bottom line…

If you happen to be near a ModCloth FitShop, by all means – go to it! You’ll have so much fun! But be sure to set a budget before you go, as it’s awfully tempting to buy the entire store once you see it in person! (And update your wishlist before making an appointment!)

Has anyone else visited a ModCloth FitShop? If so, how did you like it? Let me know in the comments! P.S. – Don’t forget! I’m giving away a $100 ModCloth gift card! Click here to enter!

Enjoy a few more photos from the store, below, And click here to shop ModCloth online.

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*Disclosure: some of these links are affiliate links. Meaning, if you click a link and make a purchase, Have Clothes, Will Travel gets a very small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for supporting the brands that make this blog possible! I am also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

*Thank you to ModCloth for partnering with me for this post. As always, all opinions are my own, and I am not being compensated for a positive review.

I'm beyond excited that I was able to check out the @ModCloth DC FitShop! Today's post will explain how ModCloth's FitShops work + what I all found at the DC FitShop. Has anyone else had the chance to visit one of ModCloth's FitShops? ModCloth recently opened a new brick and mortar store in Washington, D.C. This will be their 3rd permanent location (including Austin and San Francisco).

[josieswrk]

Mustard Seed Generation Summit on Mental Health in the Korean Community

So, first things first. I feel like I’m about to have a heart attack and I feel a little queasy, but I’m going to process my thoughts out here first before I crash. It all started because I said my final goodbye to a friend who is moving away to Baltimore. We first returned her library books, and then I bought her a cup of coffee. We sat on a bench together for only ten minutes or so because I was planning on meeting another friend at 10. But in those ten minutes I was able to geek out about how I believe there is both predestination and absolute free will, and how this is compatible with certain philosophical theories on the nature of time. 

And then, as I’m walking to meet my friend at the thrift store, I’m thinking - I probably can’t take this coffee with me into the store - because the thrift store has clothing items and they probably don’t want customers to spill drinks on them. So I down it. Five blocks, grande-sized hot coffee, emptied and thrown into a trash can. I walk around with my friend in the thrift store for like forty-ish minutes (really delightful place, by the way), and then handed off a friend’s new apartment keys (giving like a mile a minute explanation because the summit is about to begin), ran into my apartment (at some point in all this rushing I changed out of my t-shirt into a blouse), sat down at my desk, and joined the zoom session for the summit. 

Part 1. S t e v e n  Y e u n 

My heart rate is already ramping up because of the blast of coffee on an empty stomach, and then it’s time for opening remarks by S t e v e n  Y e u n. His face filled my computer screen in casual clothes with large black earphones, his characteristic facial hair gone, his mouth talking about such wonderful things... When he looked into the screen it felt like he was talking to me, that we were having a conversation about our observations of the world.  I find the way I type his name very funny because I saw someone else on the summit FB group type his name this way too. I guess there’s something about Steven Yeun that makes us want to t y p e  o u t  t h e  l e t t e r s. Maybe add some ** and some ~~. ~*S t e v e n  Y e u n*~. At the end of the summit, we were asked to summarize our summit experience in one word and someone wrote “Steven.” Haha girl, we are with you. 

I also find the way I feel very funny because I had zero interest in Steven Yeun when he was growing in popularity because of The Walking Dead. People would always comment on how good looking he is, but I don’t know, I didn’t really care. (To be clear, it’s not because he’s not good looking, I just think my recognizing-good-looking-people part of my brain isn’t very well developed. As one friend observed “너 진짜 얼굴 안 보는구나...”/”wow you really don’t care if someone’s good looking or not...”) It wasn’t until I read one of his interviews and heard him speak on random podcasts that I started to want to space out the letters~ It wasn’t until he opened his mouth that I realized wait, this is quite the attractive human being (who is happily married with two kids, ahem). 

A n y w a y, as I am smiling and twirling in my chair and thankful that we don’t have to show our video for this portion, I did write notes on the wonderful things he was sharing about. He has a depth of insight, vulnerability, intellectual honesty, love for his family, and passion for his work that I find very attractive... *Chair twirl* Right. Back to the content of what he said: 

He shared about how he sees mental health issues in the Korean and Korean American community as the result of Korean Americans having to reconcile contradicting realities - something he experienced as a Korean immigrant kid growing up. He also shared about how, in his experience preparing to play a native Korean man in Burning, he learned to embrace the loneliness of being forever an “other” as a global citizen of the world, instead of stressing about belonging to one culture or another. 

He talked about the overwhelming fear and anxiety he feels about the future, whether it’s triggered by the birth of a child or taking on a new creative project, or wondering whether after his current project ends he will be able to find the next job. Sometimes, the fear is so overwhelming that he ends up crying in the shower. But these are the moments where he *feels* his faith and can move forward with gratitude and confidence knowing that these things are gifts. (I understand, after talking with some friends, that the nature of his faith is ambiguous, though he does have some background in the Christian church. But I appreciate and value the way he is radically honest about the process and his questions, and doesn’t pretend to know all the answers). 

He mentioned that the pandemic is breaking down structures, which allows us to see our humanity again. I resonated with this observation as someone who has been feeling confused and vulnerable this season as the pandemic muddles my expectations of what my life and future will look like. I have been beginning to understand this process personally for me as grace, the process by which God is bringing me back to a place of humility and vulnerability, to know that the things I sometimes want aren’t necessarily the things that are promised, but that, if I let God take control, I can trust Him to take me to where I need to be. 

He also talked about how he is growing in empathy for first generation immigrants (specifically, his parents) and what they went through, something that the panelists in following portion of the summit loved to quote...

Part 2. Keynote Panel on Mental Health in the Korean Immigrant and Korean American Community

The keynote panel addressed mental health themes and differences in service delivery for first and second generation Korean immigrants/Americans. First, the experience of listening to the 6 or so panelists was absolutely incredible. All the clinicians had varying levels of experience and acculturation with Korean culture, American culture, and third culture. They were also all fluent in both Korean and English, so the panel was this seamless flow between Korean and English language that I have never seen before. It was so exciting to see people having the freedom to express their observations in the language that was better equipped to express it. Acknowledging that not everyone in the audience was probably bilingual and I am not sure if accommodations were made so that monolingual speakers wouldn’t miss out on the content (the rest of the summit was great in this regard), I was reveling in the flow. Here are some of the takeaways:

Q: How have you dealt with the Western orientation of psychology and psychotherapy training in academic institutions? One of the clinicians talked about how when she was in school, everything was so process oriented. Assess, assess, assess. It’s about the process. But she learned that this was not always effective with Korean clients, who are more goal-oriented (빨리 빨리 culture), and want to solve problems right away. “Tell me what’s wrong with me and how to fix it.” So this clinician learned that a great way to build trust with (typically first gen) Koreans is to provide concrete, tangible homework and tools. Korean clients love this because they can feel the effects right away. And once you have gained their trust, then you can venture to address the deeper, more process-oriented issues. 

 Speaking of 1st gen, Q: What are some specific ways to address mental health issues in the 1st gen Korean community? 1st generation Koreans typically aren’t using to talking about their emotions. So one clinician does a *lot* of practice with emotion identification with this population. Another clinician talked about the important of normalizing family dynamics and stresses, “다른 가족들도 비슷해요, 어머니...” / “Other families are like this too...” Helping people understand that they’re not alone, they’re not crazy, that other people and other families go through experiences and emotions like this too. 

Q: How can we address the stigma of mental health in the Korean community? 1) Psychoeducation, educational workshops, or working through churches. If mental health-related information is shared in a public forum, it takes away the shame and stigma of seeking individual services. It also helps to work through churches or other organizations that Korean community members might trust. It also helps to brand things in an indirect way, I.e. “well-being” or “healthy life” instead of “suicide prevention,” “건강" instead of “정신 건강" 2) Creating spaces for people to talk about their mental health and encouraging people in power to talk about their mental health struggles and emotions, e.g. encouraging “pastors in the pulpit” or “fathers at the dinner table” to talk about their emotions and struggles 3) One clinician talked about how she really tries hard to spin things in a positive way for her clients because there is so much shame and stigma around mental health. For example, if her client is going through menopause, she will say “Menopause is God’s blessing! Maybe it’s an opportunity for you now to finally live for yourself instead of devoting your life to taking care of other people.”

Q: How can we teach/talk about boundaries while affirming Korean family connectedness? This. question. The million dollar question. I think about this question A LOT. And talk to my Korean American therapist friends about it all the time. In fact, I was too busy texting my friends that I didn’t quite catch what the panelists said about this question HAHA. I need to wait for the recording to see. But if I can share with why this question is so important... I think boundaries is a *huge* point of cultural division for Korean Americans. Most Koreans have no experience with boundaries or reference point for it. “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.” A lot of Koreans feel like there is no point to a relationship unless you feel that deep closeness, that 정. When I talk to certain Koreans or Korean Americans about boundaries, it really is a foreign concept to them. They have *no* idea what I’m talking about and sometimes interpret it as selfishness or coldness. Now, flip to the other side. I often find the Western concept of boundaries too harsh for Korean families. In general, I deeply believe in the value of boundaries for healthy emotional well being and healthy relationships. For example, with romantic relationships, I think it is important to have clear delineations between who is a significant other and who is a friend of the opposite gender. C l e a r. But a lot of times when (white) therapists ask their Korean clients to set boundaries, it doesn’t feel right. A KA friend once had a white therapist who asked her to set boundaries with her mother, and when my friend tried, her mother went absolutely ballistic. I think a culturally sensitive therapist would either have prepared my friend for that reaction OR came up with a solution of how to set boundaries that are more flexible, porous, and gentle (baby steps). I had another KA friend whose white friends told her to just cut off contact with her parents if her parents are saying harmful things to her. She reacted as I would, saying that you can’t just completely cut off your parents like that. This is a concept I struggle with personally as well. I am an only child, a daughter, and I am *v e r y* close with my parents. I am aware that I probably talk to my parents more often and about more things than the average person. I had a therapist tell me to fight this codependence and fight to become more independent. I absolutely see his point, because there are moments when I do feel codependent, I.e. feel highly dysregulated and emotional when I feel at odds with my parents. I have grown in this. And yet, it also doesn’t feel right for me to completely throw away our closeness because I value their wisdom and support. So I’m always in this dance of is this codependence? Is this closeness? Tune in next week to find out. Lol. 

Part 3 (Breakout Session 1). Neuroscientific Play Therapy with Korean American Families

So... Between you and me, this session was underwhelming. 90% of the session was about common mental health challenges for Korean American families, children, and adolescents, including racial trauma and micro-aggressions. I thought the information the speaker provided was important but too basic and general for an audience that is probably familiar with these themes as MH professionals. I also thought it took time away from what *was* fascinating and her area of expertise, and that was using play therapy specifically in the context of Korean American families. 

For those of you who are not familiar, play therapy is usually used with young children to help them express their emotions and process traumatic events. Children use mediums like sand tray & toys or art to share with a trusted & safe therapist about their family and the things they’ve been through. (It really is fascinating what children can express with their toys... I had a former colleague who did this and it’s so powerful). 

What was interesting was that this clinician used sand trays, toys, and art activities with middle aged adults, too. She shared pictures of what her clients created with toys and drawings, expressing their experiences with domestic violence, sexual assault, and family separation - expressing their deepest desire to be protected, to feel free from the chains that weigh down their mind, etc. I also appreciated the reminder that human brains are plastic (I.e. neural pathways can be re-programmed) with positive, sensorimotor, patterned, and repetitious activities. Left to their own devices, humans don’t change. Change is *hard.* And yet, it is not impossible. That’s why the work of the Holy Spirit will never get old to me, because what is more not-of-this-world than a changed heart? It is rare. It is *hard* for people to change. (Think about the last time you changed your mind about something! As for me, I’m as stubborn as hell...) But with commitment to sanctification (which may include some therapy!), it is *possible* for people to change. W o w. 

Part 4 (Breakout Session 2). The Intersection between Identity, Trauma, and Racism for Korean Adoptees

In comparison to the first breakout session, this session was amazing. Moses Farrow, a bi-racial Korean adoptee who also provides mental health services to other adoptees, talked at length about the experiences and traumas of being a transnational adoptee to America with vulnerability and honesty. He was also such a gentle, intentional soul. First, he read from his own autobiography about how complicated one’s search for identity can be when you are adopted. He shared about how questions that have obvious answers to most people were complicated for him. “Who do I look like? (He looked at us and said, all of you.) What is my birthday? (The date when I arrived in the U.S.) Where am I from? (I was found in a telephone booth somewhere in Seoul).” Then he played a clip from the documentary “Adopted,” where a Korean adoptee tries to talk to her white adoptive mother about her experiences. “But people liked you, you fit in,” says her mom. “No mom,” she corrects, “I didn’t. [She talks about being bullied for her small eyes in school].” “But you never said anything,” said the mom. “I couldn’t” replied the daughter. “It was hard to explain” (sometimes it’s difficult to put experiences into words when you are going through it). Finally, he ended by reading “Coming Out of the Adoptee Fog,” a piece written by another Korean adoptee by the name of Mark Hagland to describe the experience of feeling a perpetual *fog* and self-loathing about his identity growing up and how he came to his own in his mid-40s and 50s. Mark urges adoptive parents of Korean children to move into spaces of diversity and to face their discomfort for the sake of their children. 

Here are some other takeaways from this session:

*Importantly* he talked about the need for differential diagnoses - that behind what you see as anxiety, depression, eating disorder, etc. may be the trauma of adoption, many times adoption into families that do not share the same ethnic heritage. 

Moses talked about how most adoptees are isolated in their self loathing, deep anxiety, and addiction, and not connected with other adoptees.

He pointed out that the ACES study does not include adoption as a childhood traumatic experience. A score of 4+ on the ACES scale increases suicide attempt by 1220%.

Adoptees are 4x more likely to commit suicide than non-adoptees. 

Someone asked a question on how we can assess families for readiness to adopt children so that protective factors would be in place to mitigate the trauma of adoption. Moses had the following suggestions/thoughts:

KAN trainings - there are trainings out there by Korean adoptee organizations to this effect.

Educate people. There is a whole library of memoirs, blogs, books, and articles written by adult adoptees about their experiences.

Do the parents understand their own trauma? The adoptive parents should do their *own* trauma work to avoid transmission of intergenerational trauma. 

Do the parents understand trauma reactions and know how to support a child exhibiting them? If their adopted child is exhibiting trauma symptoms, do they know how to handle that?

The need for differential diagnosis as explained earlier.

Most adoptive parents are isolated and under supported. 

Part 5. Ending Session

Once the breakout sessions were over, we all gathered in one space. There was a raffle for prizes, and then everyone was asked to summarize the summit in one word and share it, written on a piece of paper. I wrote “united.” I felt a 든든함, a sense of security, knowing that there are other Koreans and Korean Americans out there defying stereotypes, fighting stigmas, and caring for the people in our community.