#might fuck around and tell something in a linear fashion

[setmeatopthepyre]

thunk it thursday tagged in fuck it friday by @bidisasterevankinard (thank you! I was brainstorming a good excuse to share this) but it's still thursday here so... behold, the new wip that I am calling phosphorescence fic as a working title. shout out to @sugarpenchant & @trombonechurchill for lending their thoughts & letting me yap

-

The first time Buck runs into Tommy at a call, his heart feels like a bird battering his rib cage from the inside. He'd finally gotten around to not actively searching for Tommy whenever the 118 were called to anything bigger than a two alarm fire, half convinced Tommy must've traded to a different shift despite the fact Buck knew that would've thrown Tommy's carefully planned social life into disarray. Buck never checked with Eddie to confirm or deny his suspicions. He wasn't sure what he'd do with either answer.

Which... leaves him completely unprepared for the sight of Tommy, tall, broad in his turnouts, face soot-streaked like when he showed up like some sort of action hero to Maddie and Chimney's hospital wedding. Buck feels himself stumble, relocates his feet, and finds Tommy staring straight at him with an expression that must mirror his own. Surprise. Heartache. Sadness. Tommy's eyes glimmer in the lights of the vehicles around them, and Buck hopes.

That's when Cap calls for him over the radio and Buck has to turn away and do his job. Still, that flutter of hope remains wedged between his ribs. If Tommy is even half as heartbroken as he looks, then Buck stands a chance and at this point, he'll take any chance he can get.

That night, after returning to the station and before crawling into a bunk for some shut-eye, Buck texts Tommy.

-

Tommy doesn't text him back.

Buck watches the single checkmark turn to two, but after that... nothing. No texts, no calls, no bubbles. Nothing.

The next day: still nothing.

“I think something's wrong with Tommy,” Buck says as he catches up to Eddie at the firehouse gym. “He hasn't texted me back.”

Eddie takes another step or two, then halts mid-stride and turns. “Hold on, you texted Tommy?”

“Yes, a-and he's read them, but that's it. What if something happened?”

Eddie mulls it over, taking a seat on the weight bench. “Like what?”

“I-I don't know. An-- an accident. What if he never made it home after the call yesterday?”

Eddie sighs, lays back on the bench. Grips the bar. “He made it home, Buck.”

Buck frowns and crosses his arms in front of his chest. Promptly uncrosses them again when Eddie unracks the barbell, ready to spot him. “Y-Yeah? How do you know that?”

Eddie doesn't look at him, keeps his eyes trained on the iron bar above as he moves the weight up and down in slow, precise movements. “Because,” he huffs between reps, “he texted me.”

“He... he texted you?” Buck says slowly.

“Yes, he texted me. He went out to some bar after his shift and then he drunk-texted me when he got home. He's fine. Probably hungover.” Eddie huffs his way through another rep or two, three, four.

“He drunk-texted you? What-- uh, what did-- what did he drunk-text you about?”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him and Buck supposes his attempt at casual might have fallen just a little bit short of the mark. “Are you going to just repeat everything I'm saying, but like it's a question?” Eddie asks. He racks the weight again. “What I can tell you is, Tommy's fine. Well, he made it home okay. Okay? If he didn't text you back...” he shrugs. “Maybe he had a different reason. Or he needs more time.”

And Buck, well. Buck can give him time. He can do that. He knows what he saw in Tommy's eyes. He knows Tommy saw it in his, too. If Tommy needs time, that's what he'll get.

But, he decides, the next time he sees Tommy at a call, he's going to talk to him.

-

The next time Buck sees Tommy at a call, he's ready for it. He's had a few practice runs by now, three and four-alarms with the 217 on scene but no Tommy with the ground crew. Plenty of time to hype himself up, to imagine what might happen, what he could say. How Tommy would look at him.

The thing is. The problem is. Tommy doesn't look at him.

It's-- weird, really. The next time they're both at a scene, Buck spots him only a short distance away. He watches Tommy's gaze track along towards him and then... go right past. Like he doesn't even see him. Doesn't recognize him. Like Buck's just another set of turnouts in the crowd.

But he's made a promise to himself, and he won't back down now, so Buck marches right up to Tommy and says, “H-hey. Tommy. Uh, hi.”

Tommy looks at him then with something like vague curiosity. “Hey,” he says, plainly. Then recognition flashes, but it's still-- mild. Nothing like the heartache from before. “Hey, Evan.”

Buck will take what he can get, and Tommy calling him Evan again is more than he'd expected... even if unease curls in his gut, prickles at the back of his neck.

“So-- So were back to Evan, huh?” he tries for normal, for a grin, tilts his head.

Tommy smiles easily at him, as if they're right back at the start. As if nothing's happened. “Well, that is your name, isn't it?”

“I-- yeah, I-I guess so. I just thought--” Buck huffs. “Never mind. How, uh. How-- how are you, Tommy? I, uh, texted you.”

“You did? Sorry, Evan. I've been busy,” Tommy says, and glances over his shoulder. “Look, I have to run. See you around?”

Tommy's gone before Buck can even begin to think of a response.

-

“Something's wrong with Tommy.”

“Sure, just let yourself in. No problem at all,” Chimney says blandly from where he's stretched out on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. “Maddie's not here.”

Buck takes a seat on the coffee table, ignoring the way Chim has to lean to see the TV behind him. “I'm not here for Maddie, I'm here for you," he says in a breath. Then adds, "Because you're... you're open-minded.”

Chimney pauses mid-chew. “Open-minded,” he repeats. His eyes narrow. “What kind of weird proposition are you gonna hit me with, Buckley?”

He rolls his eyes. “Nothing-- not, not a-- It's... Tommy.”

“Tommy Kinard, the one and only?” Chim swings his legs over the edge of the couch, leveraging himself into something of a seated position. “What about him?”

Buck fumbles for the words. Decides, finally, to just get straight to the point.

“I-I don't think Tommy... is, well, Tommy.”

-

tagged a bunch of people yesterday so no tags for now unless you wanna be tagged in which case: tag, you're it.

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

Part 2: the questing beast

‘He did not remember much of the vortex’ → something his brain did itself, or is the vortex just not able to be fully comprehended by the mind so it just forgets it

‘Every second stretched as thin as piano wire’ → like the idea that the vortex is a bit like a singularity where all of time is one point, because what’s the point of having time in any linear or separate sense when you are in time itself

‘A sky as orange as childhood memory towards a skyline of mountains and bristling red forest’ → i know this is an alternate gallifrey, but i’ll take nay description of the planet i can get, i do hate how the trees on gallifrey are consistently mentioned, but we never once get to see a gallifreyan forest or the red grass, it's all just desert when we see the outside (also brax is just falling from the fucking here, i would love to know just how much fall damage a time lord can take, because a fall killed four, but brax obviously survives this and ten fell from a pretty good height too and was fine ish after)

‘The sigils and collars (colors?) adorning their clothes the only indication that he was anywhere familiar → interesting how even on an alternate gallifrey that is pretty different to his own they still have some similarities, are the symbols he’s talking about things like the seal of rassilon or gallifreyan writing, what does it say about gallifrey and time lord society that even in different universes their dress sense is still recognizable (also i couldn’t tell what word he was saying, but they either still dress in chapter colors or high collars, both of which have interesting implications to what gallifreyan society is like at its core, because sure these are alternate gallifreys along different timelines, but there still seems to be a need for them to be Gallifrey if that makes any sense, like there are some things that are essential to making gallifrey gallifrey no matter the universe)

Medieval gallifrey → still have two suns though, if i’m remembering correctly the second sun was artificial, so if this gallifrey doesn’t seem to have the technology of our gallifrey why does it still have two suns (maybe they once had this technology and then it was lost?)

Also the reference to specifically the technological might of the capitol → clearly its the hub for gallifreyan innovation and technology, but that makes me curious as to what the rest of gallifrey is like in respects to technology, i mean we do kind of see that with the houses its less tech and more the things around you are alive

‘He couldn’t remember when he’d last seen rain on his home gallifrey, or if he had only dreamt of it’ → again with the reference to it not raining much on gallifrey, i mean even if it was a desert planet, deserts still get rain, it wouldn’t have been long enough for him to not be able to remember the last time (especially given the lifespan of time lords) (also they have fucking trees and grass that they talk about but never actually show us), i’m inclined to believe this is due to time lords having almost complete control over the environment of gallifrey, but sometimes things slip through

‘Soldiers clad in metallic red’ → this universes version of the chancellery guard? Or is a prydonian red?

(unrelated to the lore, but my cat keeps stepping on my phone and making the audio skip around, and as i was typing this she stepped on my computer and managed to close this window)

Gold and white are still the colors worn by the leader on this gallifrey → i am very curious as to why the fashion seems to be the thing that carries over even when almost everything else is different

‘A crown branded with the mark of rassilon’ → again same with the clothing thing, why is it that the seal of rassilon carries over between universes

‘Braxiatel would have recognized her anywhere → yeah dude we know

On an actual lore note, i find it very interesting seeing what things carry over between the universes, the fashion for example, and in this case people’s roles in time lord (or gallifreyan) society, like it seems that if the society is in anyway recognizable as gallifreyan society (so not something like the true lords and vampire war gallifrey or something) there are certain things that will be the same, people will play similar roles in their society that they do on our gallifrey, you’ll find at least some of the same people (i know they’re our main characters, so it makes sense that this would focus on romana, leela, narvin, and brax, but it is still interesting to note that a good amount of the time most of them can be found on the alternate gallifreys, i’m not sure we’ve actually seen a gallifrey without at least one of them) (and it’s especially odd how often leela shows up given that she really has no reason to be on gallifrey outside of a very specific set of circumstances, unlike the other three who are all time lords) what does this say about gallifreyan history (and possibly the relative stability of gallifrey’s time line) that these similarities seem to pop up this often, something something to get something recognizable as gallifreyan society you have to have a certain amount of factors/events happen in a specific way

‘If there was a romana in this world, of course there would also be a narvin, yapping at her heels’ → see above (also he’s wearing all black it seems, and given that this gallifrey seems to have similar clothing to ours this probably signifies something like his job or rank)

There are horses on this gallifrey (are there horses on our gallifrey? I mean brax clearly knows what a horse is, but also it’s brax, that isn’t saying much about the status of horses on gallifrey)

‘He thought of his friends. Could he call them friends?’ → next few minutes are about to deal me psychic damage 

It’s kind of wild to me how brax seems to have like genuine fighting skills when they seem to be so rare among other time lords, like we get that bit in soldier obscura about his training and all that, but it’s not like you learn these things once and then are great at them forever, you have to practice or you’ll lose the skill and who the hell is he practicing with (or even just knowing how to fight puts him at an advantage over most time lords so he doesn’t bother?)

‘Leela is dead because of you’ → ignoring the actual emotional impact behind this line for a moment because how did leela get to gallifrey in this universe, they don’t seem to have time travel technology (though there is the second sun) so how would an alien get to their planet?

‘Why avenge a savage like leela’ → i love when there’s little bits to show that, yes, our characters are still time lords, no matter how much they’ve learned and grow, they still had probably hundreds of years worth of time lord propaganda taught to them (‘old habits from early days on gallifrey’)

‘She was my wife’ → i can’t fucking do this, they were married!!!!!!!! (i shouted when i first heard this line)

‘They always found one another didn’t they, romana and narvin and leela, always together in some combination, an enclave of familiarity against the vastness of time’ → them… just something about how they are meant to find each other, in universe after universe, their bond is strong enough that they can’t truly be separated, not completely, the universe wants them to be together so they are (or it doesn’t care but they’ll still fight to find each other) (i am going to cry)

‘But he stood apart’ → brax cares for them, but he still distances himself from them

‘It always seemed a shame to find a world where the other three were parted’

‘I know she’s a warrior, in every world i’ve ever visited. It’s part of her core nature’ → something something there are immutable traits to a person, even across universes (if they don't’ have those traits then can they really even be considered that person or something) (i’d love to have come up with something better to say, but alas, it is 2 am)

And brax almost called the doctor his brother, i truly don’t think i’ll ever get tired of this bit, it’s great

‘She bested me in every way that counted’ → i don’t even know what to say about this, i just, them, you know, i mean if you’re reading this i’m sure you get it

Oh narvin

‘Familiar, and yet clear and bright in a way he’d never seen them on his gallifrey’ → same constellations, but easier to see here, my two theories are light pollution and the transduction barriers, this gallifrey is medieval so they probably don’t have either a ton of light or the transduction barriers, but even still the gallifrey we know isn’t super populated, so light pollution might not be a huge problem (though maybe if you’re in one of the cities that wouldn’t matter) i also just like that the idea of the transduction barriers somewhat obscure space and the stars, you know because the time lords are so isolationist, it’s just another barrier between them and everything else, even when that everything is just stars, gallifrey is truly in its own little bubble

‘“Magic” he said, and refused to be pressed further’ → well i want to know, i mean there’s plenty of things relating to the time lords on our gallifrey that seem close enough to magic so maybe he’s looking for something similar on this gallifrey, or he’s just curious, idk

‘Dawn rose, gilding the forest in red and gold’ → look, i like that gallifrey is an audio series, i don’t think it would work as a tv show, but man, i wish so badly we got any visuals of gallifrey that weren’t just desert and mountains and the citadel

‘Blue tinged clouds’ → just putting this here for a description of gallifreyan environment, though this is an alternate gallifrey, so who knows how this compares to the gallifrey we know (also this whole bit, around 18 minutes into the audio, has some good descriptions of the landscape)

‘White checkerboard of his tabard’ → described as wearing black earlier, now we know his outfit has white, this man truly only wears one thing, no matter the universe (funny to me to think about how narvin’s sense of fashion is as consistent access universes as his loyalty or leela being a warrior)

‘A huge horned head, the size of a transport shuttle’ → unit of measurement that is only useful if one has seen a transport shuttle, though i guess a possibly interesting insight to how brax thinks if this is the first thing he thinks to compare size wise to a dragon

‘A creature ripped straight from earths mythology’ → interesting how dragons are apparently of earth origin here, now don’t quote me on this but i think its mentioned somewhere how some earth myths started on gallifrey or somewhere else and made their way to earth, but dragons apparently are an earth thing (this does beg the question of how and why brax on this gallifrey is a dragon though)

‘And yet, it looked familiar’ → i am once again asking by what measure time lords are recognizing other people, because how the hell does a dragon look familiar brax, this is of course unless they are looking at something other than purely physical appearance, time lords do have extra senses (and extra dimensions), we also see this in the deadly assassin where runcible recognizes the doctor before realizing that he’s regenerated

‘He could see it now, etched against the dragons smooth scales and dark horns, lashing tail and glinting claws-’ → see above rant

‘Nor was it the first time he’d met himself changed’ → now what do you mean by that brax

‘Forged by magic’ → counting this as a ‘gallifrey’s haunted’

‘Gold flecked gaze’ → look, this is probably due to the whole dragon thing, but wouldn’t it be cool if time lords could have gold eyes, wouldn’t that be fun

‘A loose thread, torn from the tapestry of time. Even the vortex will not have you’ → so this seems to be a gallifrey with a lower level of technology than ours, but they still know of the vortex and their own version of the web of time, very interesting (maybe the time vortex is an inherent part of this gallifrey’s ‘magic’)

‘I’ve never been this insufferable have i’ → brax, we need to be realistic here, you absolutely have

Also the recognizing like for like bit, since time lords don’t seem to be looking at physical appearance to see a person, do you think they can always tell when its themself (and this begs the question why the doctor is so fucking bad at recognizing other time lords, especially the master (though i did have the thought while writing this that the first time we see the master the doctor is exiled on earth and has had their brain messed with a bit, so maybe they no longer really have access to the sense that lets them see other time lords for who they are past appearance, and if that even fully recovers in their next regeneration the master is no longer in a time lord body up until we see them again in new who, so its very possible that whatever the doctor is looking to to identify the master is muddled, and once they do get a new time lord body in new who, that part of them might be altered and the doctor has spent so long knowing one version of what the master ‘looks’ like that they can’t quite get used to what they ‘look’ like with their new regeneration cycle))

‘Metal grey scales’ → look idk if it actually says/means anything that dragon brax is grey, but i’m writing it down anyway

‘Rassilon’s beard’ → love learning weird gallifreyan phrases

‘Every braxiatel needed a collection’ → so it seems the consistencies between universes for each of them are brax - collection, romana - leader, narvin - loyalty, leela - warrior

Okay so magic on this gallifrey is just temporal technology under another name, good to know → so was this gallifrey kind of like leela’s home planet, once an advanced civilization that has slipped back into a more ‘primitive’ way of being

‘This was still gallifrey, not matter its name in this place, temporal theory still held sway’ → time technology is what makes gallifrey gallifrey

‘The meeting of a same person duplicated across their own timeline’ → interesting that even though these braxs are from different universes them meeting still causes a paradox, that it’s still considered the same timeline

Dragon brax killed leela because she tried to get him to come back to the city, just like how our brax brought leela back into the citadel at the beginning of gallifrey

Interesting how much of a physical effect time paradoxes have (something something spacetime as one thing rather than space and time as separate, idk i’m a zoology guy not a physics guy)

‘The void lit the darkness with a rainbow glare’ → there’s probably something to say here, but all i can think of at the moment is how i really like this line, the void is like an oil spill across real space

‘The red an orange forest’ → so we’ve got silver trees and red trees, good to know, now they should show them to us, please i am begging you, i don’t even need like a good gallifrey episode, i just need an episode on gallifrey that shows us something other than desert and the inside of the citadel (actually who am i kidding, if the episodes shit i’m going to be complaining about that as well) like the scenes described here paint a wonderful picture, it’s just that forests on gallifrey are one of the first things we hear about the planet and yet we never see them

I love how time is painted as a force of nature at the end of this audio, the time winds and the seas of time, with brax having no option but to just go along with it

Echoes through eternity notes

Part 1: damned if you do

(i already did my reactions so this is mostly going to be focusing on lore implications) (fair warning, this is Long)

i will say, i love that they're putting the theme for the era each audio takes place in, season one theme i have missed you

the comments about bad weather not being common on gallifrey are interesting to me, is it a case of they're really just not common, or is it due to environmental manipulation (i'm inclined to go with the latter)

very interesting that the transduction barriers are only over the citadel (pretty sure this is contradicted in other things, but also maybe there are just different layers of transduction barriers, idk)

they're soundproof

outsiders -> societal rejects, like renegades, but without the leaving gallifrey (or possibly that they can't given they never reached time lord status in the first place (called 'uneducated'), is renegade only applicable to time lords) (also shaboggans are referenced later in this audio, are they different or just two names for the same group of people)

leela lives with the outsiders 50% of the time, wonder when this stopped (i'd say after becoming romana's body guard, but i feel like in the early seasons she still managed to find some time to spend in the outlands, and in the later seasons I doubt she leaves the capitol as much) (something something becoming more integrated into time lord society whether or not she or the time lords like it)

'all with more than a passing interest in our temporal capabilities' -> this is either referring to those at the academy and narvin distrusting them because of this or that the academy is open to anyone with an interest and i can't actually tell which

'all cia coordinators' -> very interesting to me that there are multiple coordinatiors, the thing is though that we still only really see narvin as the coordinator (same with vansell while he has that job), so my theory is that there is a head coordinator (in this case narvin) who has oversight over the whole cia and handles the majority of the diplomatic relations with the other branches of the government and is the one who is put in the public eye, allowing the others to work with more secrecy, i'd also assume that other coordinators oversee sections of the agency rather than the whole thing

establishment that the high council, inner council, and supreme council are all separate things, unfortunately this does not tell us what the actual differences between them are and neither does anything else really, though that's typical of anything relating to time lords

'various chancellors and castellans of the chapters and houses' -> there were references to different chapters having their own castellans in other gallifrey audios, but the inclusion of houses is interesting to me, i have the feeling that it wouldn't be all houses with their own castellan, but i'm not entirely sure what he means by this (maybe theres something along the lines of each chapter having a house that represents it on the high council?), also i thought the implication was that there was only one chancellor, it wasn't a per chapter things (though maybe theres like a chancellor chancellor who works directly with the president and then chancellors appointed for each chapter)

'that's the one constant on gallifrey, change is never irreversible' oh buddy you have no clue what's coming. I do find it hilarious how much he talks about not liking romana here knowing what he's going to be like in the future, it is genuinely fun to get to see early narvin in a context we never have before, especially with access to his inner thoughts, because even though he's an ass and still working against romana and leela, you can see the basis for the person he will become later, he still fundamentally is a guy that cares a lot about the things that are important to him

'rassilon, omega, and the other' -> finally the other gets mentioned, also kind of interesting to me how he's remembered, but his name is still lost (do we get an explanation as to why anywhere else? feels like some shit rassilon would pull, and given the other two have their names remembered i don't think it just happened naturally)

matthias used to be cia -> it's interesting to me that he goes from being cia to working in other parts of the government, because from what we've seen it seems that the cia is kind of at odds with the other parts of the government (especially the president and their immediate inner circle) so I feel like being ex-cia would not lend itself well to getting a job in another branch of government, it feels like they wouldn't be trusted enough by other politicians for that (not that there's really a whole lot of trust anywhere in time lord politics but you get my point) (though possibly depending on when he was cia it might just not be known by those outside the cia that he was once a part of it) (i say depending on the time because of the implications that romana forced the cia to become more public with its dealings and stripped it of some of its power) (that being said, i do think the coordinator was always a kind of public facing figure there to cover up what the cia was really doing and have a hand in politics outside the cia to keep the organization informed)

'although the practice was frowned upon for a cia coordinator, i had adjusted my wrist communicators chime to identify the caller' -> interesting how he specifies that its frowned upon for his position in particular (something something secrecy and not giving any info to the enemy (other time lords) something something)

'junior rank time lord' -> i do not understand time lord ranks, this seems to be used both in reference to experience and nobility status at different times, i need a fucking encyclopedia or something

shitting on prydonians!!!! <- words of a guy who definitely doesn't have opinions on the chapters and how prydonians are kind of stuck up assholes a lot of the time

'at the end of each semester she was seconded to me' -> she was just mentioned as having been a recent academy graduate, so i'm assuming that this is in reference to her cia training (pretty sure there's an audio somewhere where narvin mentions it being two hundred years, though i could never figure out if that was academy + cia training or just cia training) also if this is here cia training i find it interesting that shes working under a coordinator, i wouldn't exactly imagine the guy who runs the place having to deal with recent academy graduates unless that was something he chose to do (and given narvin's tendency to try and adopt/mentor any young adult he spends more than five minutes around this does not surprise me)

god i would love to see what young narvin was like, i mean we know he was at least somewhat defiant (you know the whole abandoning his chapter for the cia thing) but i wonder what he was like as a cia trainee (also the implication here that he was working under vansell much in the way that kransa is working under him, maybe the cia coordinators do take on apprentices (or what i think is more likely is that they select promising agents young and train them to take on higher up positions within the organization later in life, i mean we know vansell was working with the cia even in his academy days, so i don't feel like this is much of a stretch)) (though the way narvin talks about it makes it seem like it's just a part of the job and not something they choose to do, but then again time lords love nothing more than tradition so maybe its just a thing that is done and has been done, so they do it even if they don't particularly want to or have to)

the matrix keepers -> interesting how its a job for those on their last regenerations (something something the old are given the task of upkeep of gallifreys secrets because they're old enough to know them just from life experience?) (or them knowing the secrets is not seen as a threat because of how close to becoming a part of the matrix they are, whatever they learn there is just going to go back into the matrix after all, and there's really not that much time until that happens), they also seem to be separate from the rest of time lord society (they've got their own coordinators and they seem to live down there) so they're not really at rick of spreading gallifrey's secrets

the ability to see through perception filters is learned

catacombs protected by perception filters at the entrance and psychic defenses within the air itself -> and yet academy era romana was just hanging out down there for fun it seems (also the reference to the ancient beings that live down there ('almost mythical' which is so interesting to me since we see over and over again that gallifreyan myths are just stories about their actual history and that their monsters are real, it seems here that narvin is acknowledging this to some extent), so they just know that there's things down there i guess? i mean seems very time lord to not do anything about it because if they're in the catacombs they're presumably not bothering them, but they're still accessible if needed for whatever purpose they may see fit

love that narvin is just letting kransa tag along even though it mean she's technically disobeying orders just because it annoys valyes

'the cia decides who does and doesn't have clearance in all security matters' -> interesting implications that they have the final say when it comes to security of gallifrey, not entirely surprising though (something something it being leftover from their start as rassilons guards even though they've split from their association with the presidential office by this point)

'i was rather surprised at how easily i lied' -> narvin shouldn't that be part of your fucking job description, though it does have the interesting implication that lying isn't necessarily needed to get into the high rankings of the cia, this could make sense given how much power they seem to hold, its more of a need to know how to proper wield that power than to be able to lie

cia intervention used to get around the legal and political consequences fro certain actions -> they seem to still operate outside the law to an extent, though narvins reaction says that maybe they are still able to be held accountable to it

'perception filters had not been fully triggered' -> ???? narvin what do you mean by that, i've been typing for too long to actually put the effort into thinking about this one, i would like to request that narvin explain it to me personally, but honestly i don't think he actually knows about about perception filters for that

capitol seems to be split up into sectors, i very much would like a map of this place or something because it seems huge and complicated based on everything we've heard about its architecture

love the idea that you can look through a perception filter by catching it out of the corner of your eye

narvin not knowing how the perception filters work -> i wonder if this is a type of thing that you only learn if you pursue certain career paths, like you're not going to learn the details of how a perception filter works in an introductory engineering class, but you might learn how to create one in a more advanced class (also probably something something they don't want people knowing these things because even if they are other time lords they still need to be able to hide information from the general public and people knowing exactly how perception filters work puts that at risk)

being a time lord lets them see through the perception filter -> interesting how this is something that seems explicitly linked with the whole looking into the untempered schism thing, having that experience fundamentally changes a person and how they see the universe (also interesting how he links it to being 'time lords of rank and status' because as we have previously seen its a thing that happens when gallifreyans are pretty young, i am curious as to if he's just saying this to separate them from the alien students that managed to see through it though)

'a time lord, probably of the first or second rank' -> again with the time lord ranks, see he's talking about academy students here so i would assume said time lord is also an academy student, based on other bits from this audio i wonder if the ranks are sort of a way of showing how far along in their education they are (sort of an analog to stuff like elementary, middle, and highschool, as well as college and postgrad stuff), with his comment about the 'time lord of rank' and looking into the untempered schism possibly that is how you earn being a first rank time lord, if you pass the test of the untempered schism you get that rank, and then there's second rank which idk what that would refer to but it seems that it possibly still means you're at the academy, and given kransa is called a junior rank time lord, i'm assuming that is given to time lords pretty fresh out of the academy

interesting the implication that the houses get punished for the actions of their members whether or not they actually had anything to do with what that person was doing (something something legacies and nobility, can't have a bad mark on their record otherwise it says something about the whole bloodline)

the doors use biodata -> interesting to me because we see in other things that there also seem to be retinal scans and just straight up codes, wonder if this is a case of differing security levels, anyone can learn a code, and i would assume its much easier to fake a retinal scan than a scan of someones biodata

is it just the time lords we meet, or are all of them weirdly self sacrificial

'according to some accounts, we were no longer in the same time and space as the rest of the planet' -> fascinated by this, the catacombs are their own sort of pocket dimension (and there's the whole thing with the door disappearing after they go through it)

'the creatures and whatever existed in the catacombs had created their own pocket reality'

the thing about gallifrey as a planet is that it's full of people who insist on scientific belief and that religion and myth and magic are below them, but it fundamentally is a place that is full of magic and myth, their history is so long and complex that the time lords themselves are mythical beings and their myths are historical accounts

'assuming the dimensions in here are stable and not in a state of flux or wither' -> interesting to me because the like fundamental state of things on gallifrey is that they don't flux of wither, but the catacombs seem exempt from this, narvin assures kransa it's probably fine, but there's no guarantee like there is on the rest of gallifrey

and narvin discovers his instinct to adopt people -> i mean on that note i do like that even though this is early narvin and he clearly holds all of the biases instilled in him by time lord society, he still also clearly cares, we see the basis of the passion he puts into the things he cares about that leads him to be a better person in his future

are they using some sort of psychic whatever to choose the direction? intuition? because this is clearly some sort of teaching moment, so its not just random, but a skill that can be learned, what exactly are they basing this off of, like what are they subconsciously looking for to lead the way or do they even not quite know and its just a thing that they do

east gallifrey doesn't have houses!!!!!! -> god i love anything that shows that gallifrey and the time lords aren't just a monolith, they may present themselves that way to outsiders, but they're not all the same, there's also the fact that despite having no house she still has a chapter which actually i feel like helps to clarify a lot of confusion around how the chapters work (at least for me), so houses probably have chapters that they are affiliated with and if you are born into that house, you are probably going to be in that chapter, but at the same time it is perfectly possible to go to the academy for a chapter that your house is not associated with (though i'd assume this is much less common than joining the chapter associated with your house)

'someone from one of the greater houses' -> brax house (sort of) mention, there's also his thing about chapters and houses not mattering as much these days and it being like a thing that he wasn't ostracized for this (something something the houses must maintain their image because their image is their power, but that power (and with it the need to control the image) is slowly fading), the whole everything about gallifreyan class structure is very interesting to me, because clearly the time lords are the ruling class on gallifrey, but even among them theres differences, your house or chapter has an influence (prydon has produced more presidents than any other chapter and we know that multiple of the chapters hold little to no political power) (and with the houses we see in transference that being born into a house doesn't mean you'll go to the academy and become a time lord, but i'm sure that for the houses of higher status (say lungbarrow since we're talking about brax here) it's pretty much a guarantee that a person will go on to become a time lord)

'my own origins from a family of humble temporal engineers, my uncles transgressions that brought about his exile many years ago' -> i need to know more about narvins backstory, please tell me more about narvins backstory, what did his uncle do? also theres the fact that narvin was not born into high status but still managed to achieve high rank within the cia, wonder what that process was like for him

the bit about narvin wondering if brax was goading him personally -> the implication that narvin is very much affected by his house status in his everyday life/his career while brax probably doesn't have to worry too much since he was born into a high house

'is my background a problem for my training or future' -> time lord classism runs deep, i mean the eveything about this interaction shows this, but yeah

'the ground beneath us, well beneath me, i can only assume it was the same for kransa' -> the fact that the catacombs are weird and fucked up enough for this to be a thing he says is really something, i mean he does go onto talk about the wall being weird and them moving, the dimensions around here are weird and i like that, citatels haunted

seventh door -> what is the significance of the different matrix doors?

'conceptual environments that simply couldn't exist but appeared completely real' -> like i said before citadels haunted, but seriously i think its interesting that the structures themselves are alive, i mean we see this with the houses and stuff, but with the matrix it's a repository for the minds of dead time lords, so i have the feeling that it's less it was built to be alive in the first place and more the accumulation of time lords within it gave it a sort of life, and that even though these structures aren't entirely 'real' because they are built from the minds of a psychic species and are interacting with the minds of a psychic species they may as well be

'were the catacombs simply an extension of the apc net itself' -> see above

'but surely others had studied it before' -> if you have to say this they probably didn't (or it was like one guy) (speaking from experience)

'everyone knew about the catacombs ..... but i couldn't recall any reports from people who'd explored beyond, but surely they must exist. all the stories of the creatures that dwelt here must come from somewhere, someone, so why couldn't i remember reading anything' -> the information is known but it does not exist, love this concept, a society that catalogues everything and yet things from right under their own feet go unwritten, i feel like to an extent this is probably a product of how their society is structured and what beliefs they deem acceptable, all their myths and monsters are real, but that's too close to magic so we won't write it down, on the other hand maybe they don't want to be written down, maybe its that there is information that can only be properly passed on through stories and not reports, also something something all time lords are connected to the matrix, the matrix is the repository of all time lord knowledge, there are something that you don't need to read about, that you don't need to learn, but you still know them

there are non humanoid students at the academy -> don't think there's actually any big lore implications with this one, just seemed like something to note

'their torch light appeared to unnaturally stop' -> narvin your planet is haunted i don't know what to tell you

'it was as if by standing there he, she, it somehow absorbed light, shadow, anything' -> like i said before the time lords may like to present themselves as a society that's above 'primitive' beliefs, but fundamentally gallifrey is a place of magic (now there's the argument to be made that magic and science are one and the same but i don't thing that negates my point)

'the head was a black globe .... it gave neither light nor reflection, again as if absorbing everything around it. a black hole'

'i don't know why but i knew this thing was not benign' -> has some sort of psychic aura?

the implication here that narvin considers like actual emotional responses to be below time lords (reminds me of homunculette crying about marie while going why am i crying i'm a time lord i don't care about things)

'its ability to create pockets of frozen isolated time meant it was more powerful than anything i could ever have imagined' -> very interesting to me knowing that the cia have put whole planets in stasis or time loops or whatever before, does it get more complex as you get to smaller spaces? actually maybe its that they need complex technology to do this and the time shade is just kind of doing it

also i've said it before and i'll say it again, gallifrey is a deeply haunted planet, and i don't just mean that as a joke, it has a long enough history and its technology works in such a way that its myths and gods and ghosts are all real

'i'm going to be destroyed by the living embodiment of sarcasm' -> i mean really narvin, how else would you go out if not that

'the time shades were legendary, reports of their existence going back to the days of rassilon' -> something something the time lords dared to mess with time so it forever changed how their world worked, like with the matrix dimensions being weird and that information just being Known i feel like that could be a product of accumulated time lord minds within it, but with the time shades i feel like its more a consequence of if you mess with time it will forever change everything, both in your past and future, these things have consequences on the fabric of the universe itself

'the shade of eternity, the shade of war, the shade of dreams, the shade of protection, the shade of.. i couldn't remember the entire pantheon at the moment' + the shade of portent -> i truly do love how time lords act like they're above religion and all that but they undeniably have gods and they still do treat them as gods

i feel like there's probably something to the fact that it's wearing gold, i just don't know what at the moment

'for a time lord of so low a rank' -> see here i think its talking about rank in terms of houses not like achievement of status, because in terms of job narvin is pretty high ranking, but as we've established he does not come from a particularly noble background

'you are a pivot around which so much of what is to come rotates' -> this kind of plays into an idea that i really like and its that gallifrey's future is largely fixed, the time lords can mess with the time lines of other species and planets all they want, but by the nature of them being the ones to wield that power over time, they can't actually alter their own time lines all that much, since they can change time they are also the center around which time changes, the eye of the storm if you will, and that means that they have very little control over what happens to them (maybe this is why they're so obsessed with controlling the narrative, because if they can't actually control the events themselves, they can at least control how everyone perceives them)

'shocking really but it has been decreed' -> time herself said it and we can't argue with that (at least that's how i'm choosing to interpret this)

'free will, change, alteration is not an option'

the way the time shade talks to narvin (i'm not writing it all out sorry) about how he's just a small bit of practically nothing in the scheme of existence -> the time lords see themselves as so important, but really they are just people like everyone else in the universe and the universe will largely treat them as such, a king may hold more power, but at the end of the day he's just as human as a farmer, and the dirt they're buried in won't be able to tell the difference

'a shard of the essence of the untempered schism, but wrapped around reality, my reality' -> this is very cool imagery to me, just the fact that for a moment the web of time is bent to wrap around narvin and his existence, that the time shade has the power to do that

'the high collared black of a magistrate' -> more info about how time lords dress is always good to have, if you're me at least, not that i particularly do anything with this information, i just like having it

narvin seeing that he's the one to start the war :(

narvin is actually linked with a tardis (i'm assuming its the one ace rigged), i love that we get confirmation that it's not just a tardis he is flying, but His tardis (also the 'linked eternally' bit -> the bond between a time lord and their tardis is forever then? interesting given how other things have implied that the bond can be severed, but maybe this is only the case in extreme cases, but otherwise it just stays? also maybe something something tardises exist in a relationship with the vortex that means they don't perceive time linearly and that applies to their bond with their time lords)

the encounter with the time shade is erased from his memory, he still has the impression of it, but of course just writes it off as shadows, what else are you going to do in a place like that where reality isn't quite real

knowledge comes with a price -> the price was kransa

i said this in another post, but i'm going to say it again because it's still funny to me, but i know narvins note to romana is probably through official channels, but i am just imagining him sending her anonymous hate mail

interesting how even if its been erased narvin seems to be able to know something is gone and even what is gone (something something time lords and their unique relationship and ability to perceive time)

he still dreams about it, the burning planet and kransa -> he needs that knowledge for time to happen as it should, as it must (the time war was always going to happen and he was always going to start it, it's unavoidable, it's what time has determined will happen so it has to happen, the story can change, but the ending will stay the same)

'saving gallifrey from its president' -> well he will be doing that in the future, but definitely not from the president he was expecting

[ashengro-tto]

hello! hope it's okay to ask for more than one? otherwise you can answer the ones you'd prefer to! ♥️♠️🦑👑🐱

Hi! It is more than okay to ask for more than one hehe

[ the rest are under the cut ]

[ also I’m bad at summarizing my thoughts so if the jumps between points feel weird, that’s why ]

[ ALSO also I’m sorry this took so long to be finished (lol) ]

Marlowe & Ace ♥️

Best Friend / Headache #1

Their first meeting was not the best (yes, it’s the same as our canon first meeting with Ace)

Marlowe felt very offended that he would even think of saying stuff like that to their face. “Ignorant”? “Go back to kindergarten”? They don’t like being looked down on, especially when it comes to things like intellect

...Okay, maybe those insults were directed primarily at Grim, but Marlowe felt hurt too!

They’ve had to deal with a great number of terrible personalities in the past, and so, they were able to keep their cool. Grim, however...well, you know how it goes

After a while though, his asshole-ness simply turned into annoying-ness, and Marlowe was able to just brush it off as Typical Ace Behavior

When Ace isn’t being a dick, they get along great! Marlowe’s pretty playful, and a bit of a trickster as well, so the two like to play harmless pranks on the other first years from time to time

And by other first years I mean mostly Deuce. Marlowe apologizes afterwards. Ace does not

Ace likes to tease Marlowe about how badly they’re adjusting to NRC school life (and also their abysmal history and PE grades) but it’s okay because they tease him back about how they’re better at alchemy than him

Hanging out with a guy like Ace who just screams Typical Teenage Boy feels really refreshing to Marlowe

Ace asks a lot of questions, partially because he’s genuinely curious about where Marlowe’s from, but mostly because they told him not to and he knows it annoys them. Marlowe knows he’s doing it to be annoying, so it’s more bearable

Marlowe admires Ace’s bravery (though some might call it recklessness). It was during chapter one, when he stood up to Riddle, that they really felt that “oh, this guy is really cool” feeling. Ace’s willingness to stand up for what he believes in inspires Marlowe to do the same

Marlowe & Deuce ♠️

Best Friend / Headache #2

Their first meeting was also the same as the one in-game

After Deuce summoned the cauldron and dropped it on Ace’s head, Marlowe actually screamed “WHAT THE FUCK” out loud. They don’t swear often, which goes to show how shocked they were

They gave him a very stern lecture about how dangerous that was, how he could have shattered Ace’s skull, how other people could have been injured as well...Deuce felt like he was being scolded by his mother

Don’t even get them started on the heart attack they had when Deuce flung Ace onto the chandelier

After getting to know him a bit better, Marlowe starts liking him a lot more

They adore his decision to leave his delinquent past behind! Marlowe greatly values learning and education, so they’re willing to support him every step of the way

Study buddies!

Their study sessions often turn into tutoring sessions, though, with Marlowe having to explain the lesson to him, but they don’t mind. They’re very patient, and also good at simplifying terms without taking away from their meaning, so Deuce learns pretty quickly with them

They feel a small sense of pride whenever he comes to them showing off his test scores (still low, but certainly an improvement)

The headache part mostly comes from when his Bad Boy Mode activates

Marlowe doesn’t like violence. They recognize that progress isn’t linear, and of course Deuce is going to...go back to the way he was at times, but they urge him to keep his calm and remember that “violence is never the solution”

Ohh, Marlowe was so disappointed when they found out he, Ace, and Grim went to Azul in chapter three. They didn’t even need to scold the three of them, their eyes said it all

Deuce felt the guiltiest, since Marlowe was always the one telling him not to cut corners. He felt extra guilty knowing how much Marlowe hated Azul. They take so much time out of their schedule to help him study, and he goes and asks for help from the one they hate most...!

What Marlowe loves most about Deuce is his willingness to learn and change. He was able to realize that his past actions were hurting his mother, and grew as a person because of it. He’s still growing, and learning to be someone his mother can be proud of, which is something Marlowe greatly respects and admires

Marlowe & Azul 🦑

Answered here!

Marlowe & Vil 👑

They’re actually pretty close!

They’re in the same club, so they interact quite frequently

Vil originally wanted them to try acting in one of the films he was in the process of making. He handed them the script, gave them some props, and the cameras started rolling

Marlowe’s attempts at acting were not good. The delivery of the lines was stilted, their movements stiff. Multiple times they had accidentally dropped the props. They had no clue why they did so terribly, they’re usually good at this kind of stuff. Maybe it was because there were cameras on them?

Vil eventually moved them to the costume department, just so they could contribute even a little bit

Marlowe’s very interested in magical pharmaceuticals. They love learning about how magic intertwines with medicine, and Vil is more than happy to teach them

Vil often scolds Marlowe for not following the skincare routine he’s provided for them, but Marlowe’s not used to such fancy products and strict routines...they really can’t keep up, no matter how hard they try

There’s a lot he nags them for, actually. Their fashion sense (he’s the one who styled their uniform), their diet (it’s not their fault Crowley doesn’t give them enough money for good food), and their sleeping habits (they’re not used to sleeping early, or sleeping a lot) just to name a few

Marlowe likes a lot of things about Vil. He’s hardworking and confident, but most importantly, he helps the people around him

Vil pushes people to work hard so they can reach their full potential and go from a dirty potato to a shining red apple. He isn’t just concerned with his own self-improvement, but the growth and development of others as well. Even if others don’t put in the effort, he still keeps pushing because he never gives up

Marlowe originally thought he’d be a selfish, crab-mentality kind of person, so finding out that he actually wants to see others around him prosper was a surprise, but a welcomed one nonetheless

What they dislike is his method of doing so. Marlowe is very much a kind, gentle person who believes real change shouldn’t come from brute force. They always feel a little annoyed when he acts so harsh towards others

Marlowe & Grim 🐱

Best Friend / Headache SUPREME (yes, he surpasses numbers)

Marlowe called him a “disease-ridden raccoon” when they first saw him, which Grim did not take kindly to

Imagine the Prologue, but all the player choices have an “insult Grim” option

When they found out that they would have to be two halves of one student in order to attend NRC, Marlowe groaned internally. They did not like the little troublemaking furball one bit

All he did was bring misfortune! Their first NRC experience could have gone a lot smoother if he hadn’t caused so much trouble! Disturbing the entrance ceremony, burning an important statue, the chandelier fiasco...randomly waking up in a new world was stressful enough, all that just made things even worse

Honestly, their first few weeks together were terrible. It was all bickering, arguing, snide comments...the ghosts in Ramshackle seriously considered relocating

As time went on, however, the two slowly grew on each other

Marlowe is Grim’s henchman! They buy him food, help him study, and scratch that one part behind his ears to help him fall asleep (which he totally doesn’t like, absolutely not)

Grim is Marlowe’s familiar! He protects them from danger, helps clean around the dorm (if bribed with enough tuna), and looks so cute when he’s sprawled out snoring on the makeshift cat bed they made him

Eventually the arguments turned into playful banter. Marlowe would nag him for not doing his homework, Grim would complain about it, then Marlowe would nag him for complaining, so on so forth

What Marlowe appreciates most about Grim is...his company. He was the first one they met in this strange new world. They both have no place to call home, no family to call their own. All they have is each other, so Marlowe’s really thankful for his company, even if he can be a little annoying at times

Marlowe would never admit it, but they’ve grown so attached to the little monster. They can’t imagine life in Twisted Wonderland without him...but don’t tell him they think that! He’ll never shut up about it!

[sailorbellewrites]

Fools Rush In... VIII

characters — yoongi x reader (ft. members of bts and other original characters)

summary — min yoongi, music executive and perpetual bachelor, marries a las vegas stripper he’s only known for six months. chaos ensues.

inspiration —  fools rush in (1997 rom-com starring salma hayek and matthew perry)

information — a drabble series loosely based on the 1997 movie fools rush in. drabbles not posted in any linear order and written as a creative writing outlet. 

warnings — mentions of sex work; age-difference; light sugar daddy themes; smut; light angst (specifically in parts V & VI).

I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X - XI

VIII — latte (ft. various original characters)

You fucked up.

Or at least, you had made a very big mistake in coming to Kim Hana’s Sunday brunch. It was your first time at her biweekly event and you already wanted to go home. All of the women there were older, faces tight with botox and fillers as they ooh-ed and ahh-ed at one woman’s jewelry and another’s purse. They made surface level comments about politics and fashion and so-and-so’s son who was seen walking around Apgujeong with you-know-who’s daughter. It was mind numbing, but Hana ate it up in a way you didn’t fully understand. Yet, you couldn’t let yourself text Yoongi, couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on his face at you wanting to ditch. He had been doing so much for you recently, so adamant that he had to be sure he didn’t make a mistake in convincing you to marry him. There was nothing you could say to make him believe that you would follow him into an active volcano if he wanted. So you had to at least try.

Still, it’s hard to keep up the facade of a dutiful wife when Kim Hana yells out, “Oh, you’re finally here! I was thinking you’d never arrive! Please, come over. I have someone I want you to meet,” into your ear. The woman who just walked into the private area, lithe and pale with long dark hair, freezes briefly, seemingly unaccustomed to being spoken to so directly. She recovers quickly though, throwing on a blinding white smile as she saunters over to where you and Hana sit at the head of the table.

“Hello, Kim Hana. It’s nice to see you again,” the woman offers, bowing deeply to Hana as though they were worlds apart in the hierarchy that was this brunch.

“A pleasure to see you too. Choi Mina, might I introduce you to our friend Min Yoongi’s new wife? She’s such a doll,” Hana says, tone light despite the suggestiveness of her words. She would have been a great stripper in another life, with her ability to placate people even as she was readying for attack. 

“Oh,” Mina responds quietly, eyes trained on your seated form in a way that you were more than used to. Every woman Hana introduced to you had looked at you in the same exact way. She was sizing you up. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” you say, bowing your head to her slightly.

“I know this can be a bit strange, seeing as you two have been with the same man. But I actually think you guys have a lot in common and would be great friends,” Hana explains, eyes bright with an excitement that you suspect is rooted in her innate desire to make everyone else feel inferior. You end up glaring at Hana due to her words—of course, she’d find a way to bring you around one of Yoongi’s exes. With this new information, the weight of Mina’s stare increases. You hate it. “Ah, you should sit near us. There is so much to discuss.”

As it turns out, there isn’t much to discuss. You didn’t have a lot in common with Yoongi’s ex outside of you both being “dancers”. In fact, it’s hard to see what he would have seen in a professional ballerina who spent half of the year performing in Europe. She speaks in a soft voice, laughter ringing out like windchimes at every joke that was not so secretly told at your expense and she moves so gracefully that even the act of her chewing makes you feel like a slob. She has the type of polish Yoongi often said made him uncomfortable. But, as the conversation progresses, you find it hard to see what Yoongi has seen in you. It is made all too clear that women like Choi Mina and Kim Hana were the expectation for men with money and influence. You weren’t even good enough to qualify as an exception to the rule.

Your resolve weakens. You text Yoongi. Right as you put your phone down, Mina asks, “Your marriage to our Yoongi must have been recent right? I wasn’t even aware that he was dating someone.” A few women murmur in agreement at her observation.

You roll your eyes when she refers to him as “our Yoongi” and shrug. Hana answers for you, “He wasn’t dating someone last year! They rushed right to the altar. It’s incredible. They didn’t even have a wedding here. They got married in America!”

“Oh?” Mina says, a perfect act of curiosity. “Well, how long did you two date?”

Your phone lets out a long vibration as Yoongi’s picture flashes across the screen. Hana again answers for you, excitedly saying, “Only six months! Can you believe it? Namjoon and I didn’t even know he was dating anyone. He must have felt like he had something to hide, though I don’t know why.”

You pick up the phone, only to be greeted by his exasperated tone asking, “Which ex is there exactly?” 

The women continue talking about your relationship as though you aren’t there, but Kim Hana’s continued glances towards you lets you know that she is listening. Instead of answering his question outright, you say, “Hi honey,” in a voice far too sweet to be subtle. 

Yoongi sighs on the end of the line.“Is it the politician's daughter?” 

“Oh no, I’m having a great time! You don’t have to worry,” you respond, hoping he picks up on what you’re trying to say. You can hear a womea say how happy she is that Yoongi is finally sharing you with the world the way he used to in his other relationships.

“Okay… or is the ballerina?”

“Yes, that’s alright,” you answer, patience wearing thin.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he responds, sounding sad. You feel sad too. You fucked up again.

The ten minutes pass by slowly and in that time, you learn several things. Yoongi and Choi Mina had been considering marriage before they broke up. They dated on and off for three years. It had been a rough breakup. Jimin did not like her. Namjoon did. Mina is now engaged to a professor in Nice. She will always have love Yoongi and hopes that he is happy with you. That last part sounds like a lie. 

The ‘I’m outside’ text you receive feels like someone just handed you a tank of oxygen. You take a deep breath, keeping calm as you explain to the women that your husband had to pick you up early due to another appointment. The excuse seems to appease most of them, though Mina insists that she walk you outside so she can say hello to her “dear old Yoongi.”

Your husband sits behind the wheel of his car, paying no attention to his surroundings as he taps away on his cell phone. You feel tension melt from your shoulders as you open the passenger door, sliding inside even though he doesn’t acknowledge your presence. Mina helps you close your door, sticking her face in the open window to say, “Hello Min Yoongi!”

“Hi Choi Mina,” he murmurs, not looking up from his phone. 

She is undeterred. “It’s been quite a while since we have seen each other.”

“It has,” he answers, before cussing softly under his breath and angrily throwing the phone in the empty cup. Mina’s eyes widen at his actions, making you giggle. You knew Yoongi wasn’t really angry, just irritated—nothing that would cause the concern the ballerina was showing.

“I just wanted to tell you that your wife is lovely. Truly, we all couldn’t take our eyes off her. You really picked a winner,” she states diplomatically, playing her part well. 

Yoongi finally looks up at her, eyes bored as he moves to rest a hand on your thigh. “You really think so? I think she’s kind of awful,” he says darkly, though the pads of his fingers rub small circles onto the skin of your thigh. You try to scoff at his words, but it transforms into a quiet laugh. “She’s cute enough I guess, but I wouldn’t call her lovely. I mean she’s not a ballet dancer or anything. Just a stripper. And she spends all my money, too. I don’t even think we would be together if I was broke.” The ballerina’s mouth drops open in shock at his words and you press your lips together hard to stop from laughing. After three years of dating and so much supposed love between them, she should have been able to tell when Yoongi was joking; but it was clear she had no idea. 

“Min Yoongi, that’s no way to talk about the woman you married! If you are having a bad day, you do not take it out on others,” she chides, turning her head to you finally. “I’m so sorry he is being this way with you. I hope his actions don’t stop you from coming to the next brunch and that he cleans up this act!” Mina bows her head to you slightly before turning swiftly and heading back inside the restaurant.

You let out a deep sigh and Yoongi squeezes your thigh gently. “Thanks for playing along,” he tells you sincerely. You shrug, but he continues, “Not just with Mina, you know. I mean with this whole… thing.”

“It was just brunch. No need to thank me.”

“It was a brunch with my ex present. That’s just… not right.”

“Yoongi, it’s okay. You wanted me to go, so I went. I’m just sorry that I made you pick me up early.” 

He clicks his tongue at you in disbelief, removing his hand from your thigh to put the car in drive and pull away from the curb. He is silent for a few minutes, leading you to believe that he has accepted your lies until he says, “I didn’t want you to go. Namjoon suggested it. I knew you wouldn’t have a good time, but he insisted that you might make some friends.” 

You hum quietly at his words, wondering if that’s who he was texting when you first got in the car. “So you’re not mad that I left early?”

He shakes his head. “I’m surprised you didn’t ask to leave earlier. I was waiting for you to call for hours.”

Your heart swells at his admission. He knows you well. “Yoongi?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” He nods in acknowledgement of your words, but says nothing. You try again. “You make me happy.” He reaches a hand over the center console to grab your own, a small smirk resting on his lips as he continues to stare ahead. “I’m happy I’m here with you.” 

“I love you, too,” he finally responds. You know he believes you. 

[letsbenditlikebennett]

Helpless || Kaden & Ariana

TIMING: Before Ariana lost her name and Kaden had stripes PARTIES: @chasseurdeloup & @letsbenditlikebennett SUMMARY: Ariana & Kaden go to Celeste’s memorial tree to remember her, but end up getting rudely interrupted in a true White Crest fashion. (x) 

No matter how busy she kept herself, Ariana couldn’t help the constant dull ache that seemed to be present. Summers had always been Ariana’s favorite as a kid. Even though Celeste usually had to work crazy hours to make enough money for them to survive on, she’d always made time for some summer fun. Whether it was random midnight s’mores, a camping trip, or simply long hikes-- it always seemed like they had so much quality time together while Ari was out of school. It only served to make Ariana miss her sister even more. She wanted to go to Celeste’s tree, talk to her a bit. Maybe reminisce some. The thought of going alone just felt… wrong. She wanted to share those memories with someone else who would help keep them alive. That was why she went against what most would consider her better judgment and invited Kaden out with her. She could give him the knives on the promise he wouldn’t use them on wolves and she could share some stories she knew Kaden would appreciate. They’d been friends after all. He’d want to know where her memorial was, too. And hey, if chatting with Celeste during his hunter existential crisis saved some wolves, it’d be better anyway. She leaned against a tree toward the edge of the wood where they agreed to meet. The familiar smell of spice and cedar of his cologne alerted her to his presence before he was in her line of sight. “Hey,” she greeted, waving somewhat awkwardly, “Thanks for coming. I do have some stuff for you, but I’ve just been… a lot’s been going on and it just makes me miss her more.” She had to assume he’d know what she meant given his own experience with loss. That sinking sensation of wanting so badly to tell the person you love most about a good or bad or even inconsequential thing only to remember you couldn’t. 

Kaden kept making one terrible idea after another. That’s how it felt, anyway. First trying to talk to Morgan the other day, then that meeting with Winn at Ricky’s warehouse, now he was meeting a werewolf in the woods. Sure, that werewolf was his friend’s sister but all the same. “Hey,” he said with a nod as he walked up to her, a little unsure of himself. Putain, he didn’t know how to feel about Ariana. All he knew was he couldn’t bring himself to kill someone younger than Blanche, he couldn’t have that blood on his hands. But if she lost control… Well, it’d be a fucking problem, that was for sure. “Yeah, I get it. Sometimes you want to ignore it and just have a day that doesn’t completely suck.” He could feel the chill run down his spine as he stood closer to her, the one that never let him forget what she was. Did he want to? Merde. He rolled his shoulders and did his best to force it back into his subconscious as best he could. “Thanks for showing me where this is. I-- I know it’s…” Private? He wasn’t sure. If she had wanted to keep it that way, he’d understand. Celeste had made a deep imprint on his life even though he had only briefly known her. His hand reached to adjust the small band of black leather around his wrist, the one Celeste had sent him that only arrived posthumously. It still hurt knowing how close she was to forging her own path, how long she’d succeeded only for it to come crashing down on her. He knew he’d always be a hunter, that wasn’t something he questioned. But knowing it and seeing it demonstrated like that? Like what happened to her? It wasn’t the same. “You didn’t have to. Is my point. So thanks.”

For all their differences, Ariana found their common ground comforting. Celeste had been the most important thing linking them together and somehow maintaining that link just felt right. Like in some way, Celeste could still live on because of them. With the pressures of life in White Crest starting to weigh her down, she needed to cling to that sense. Maybe she didn’t quite trust him around other wolves, but somehow she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. Plus, he understood what she was going through better than most. “Yeah, it’s harder lately. Probably because literally everything else sucks right now and the only thing I want to do is talk to her about it.” At least pretending wasn’t necessary with Kaden. She decided to take a seat on the ground in front of the tree. A little bit of dirt never hurt anyone and she guessed sitting in the woods was their thing now. She took a deep breath, looking ahead at the tree, trying to feel some small sense of Celeste’s presence even if she knew she passed on. Part of her wished she was a ghost so she could talk to her even one more time, but she knew that was selfish. Celeste deserved peace more than anyone. She nodded at Kaden’s statement, somehow she knew what he meant. She also knew he was important to Celeste which was enough reason to show him this spot. “I told you I would. I know… well, you guys were friends. She cared about you, she’d want you to be able to visit if you wanted or needed to.” As much was true. Her sister had been the most caring person she’d ever known. With that in mind, she pulled her backpack off her shoulder and put it in front of her. She rummaged through it for a few knives she’d set aside to give Kaden. She tentatively held them out for him. “Figured these would be a nice little reminder of her. Just don’t… well, you know, use them on wolves. I trust you not to, just thought I should like… specify. I think their last use was those stupid little finger eating squirrels. We used to practice throwing with them a lot.” 

“Thanks. I--” Appreciated it. Needed this. All of that, really. Grief wasn’t linear. Kaden knew that really fucking well by now. But walking up to the tree there, it brought it back like Ariana had just told him. The sting that Celeste was gone felt like a freshly opened wound again. He felt his chest tighten in the familiar way it did as he sat down next to Ari across from the tree. He hadn’t realized how many questions and chats he’d wanted to have with Celeste til he was sitting there looking at the closest thing they had to a grave marker. The full moon was coming up and he’d skipped two. And he felt like just now he realized how few things he’d sorted out since, well, everything happened. What it meant that he was sitting next to a werewolf that he didn’t want to kill. And might actively try not to kill. Were his cheeks wet already? He quickly wiped them off, tried to make it subtle. “Hmm?” His head snapped to look at her, nearly missed she was talking, and then saw the knives. Right. He reached out for them and the leather bracelet fell down his wrist as he did. Reminders of her were all around. And he almost missed the chill down his spine as his fingers briefly touched the wolf’s skin, well, Ari’s skin. “No wolves, I know. Plus, they’re not even silv--” His stomach dropped like a pit as his eyes caught hers. “Sorry, uh, habits.” It was easier to talk to her when he could pretend there was no tension between what they were. Fuck, why did he even want there to be less tension? That wasn’t right. She was a werewolf, he was a hunter, this wasn’t complicated. Then he saw the tree in front of him. That was why. He looked the knives over, turning them to see the make, the balance, the feel. “Small monsters only, pro-- Well, maybe not that word. But you know what I mean.”

“I know,” Ariana responded quietly as she was overcome with a wave of emotion. Looking at Celeste’s tree, she tried her best to feel her presence there, but it just made the void in her feel more noticeable. All she wanted was to see Celeste sitting under the tree, with one of her many books, looking up as she approached with a warm smile on her face, but she’d never get that again. At least not in her waking moments. While she didn’t necessarily like seeing anyone sad, it was a comfort that Kaden missed her almost as much as she did. She liked to think Celeste would approve of this moment. This right here, was everything she stood for. Bringing two worlds together peacefully. If she could somehow cling on to that part of Kaden that wanted to do the right thing, maybe she’d be able to keep an important part of her sister alive. Was that a lot of pressure to put on someone trying to re-figure out their place in the world? Probably, but she needed this. She cringed slightly at the mention of silver, but shook it off. “It’s fine-- I don’t love it, but I trust you.” She gave him a meaningful look, her own eyes still misty. Maybe she was an idiot to trust him, but somehow it still wouldn’t be her dumbest decision recently. With a weak laugh, she retorted, “You’re good. Trying to get out of the habit of using that word myself.” A rustle off in the trees caught her attention and had the hairs on her arm standing at end. She didn’t smell an animal she recognized nearby and squinted to try and make out what was there. “Did you hear that,” she asked, still trying to make out the form before she saw it rapidly approaching. “Oh, you’ve got to be fucking me right now.” 

Maybe you shouldn’t, is what Kaden nearly said, but he held his tongue, simply nodded. It was strange having her trust him. Well, maybe not that so much as he had no plans to use that trust against her. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The woods were where things made sense. But here, whenever he was around Ariana, everything just felt more confusing. She was an exception. That’s it. That’s what he told himself. But he had a feeling the more exceptions he made, the less they were exceptions and the more they were rules. And then what did that mean for him? For his codes? What did it mean when he went out on the full moon? If he hesitated-- Hell, he’d have to leave his fucking apartment on the full moon first. Maybe he was just a fucking defect of a hunter, just like Celeste. Maybe he should quit while he was fucking behind. But that felt wrong, too. All he could do was sigh, fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist, turning it round a few times over. “Good. You should. If you’re going to be dealing with this fae you mentioned before, you’d better be extra careful. Watch all your words. Every one of them.” Somehow he kept finding himself giving a shit about her. It was fucking stupid. Why not let the fae just get control of a werewolf? Who cared? Well if the fae was hurting humans and having a werewolf under their control would be bad, sure. But it was more than that. He shifted a little in his seat, like he could scoot away from the uncomfortable feeling of it all. “And you talk a lot so you’re going to have to be extra careful.” In the middle of wondering why in the fuck he knew that much about a werewolf, his brow furrowed and listened closely at her suggestion. “Something, yeah, but--” he couldn’t tell what it was. Just some rustling coming from across the way. But Ariana looked concerned. And considering what woods they were in, the town they lived in, she probably had a right to be. He took one look at the knives in his hand and with a shrug, gripped the one and got ready for whatever might be coming. Guess this was one way to test them out. A little sooner than he’d planned, though. 

As much as she appreciated Kaden’s warning, she didn’t get a chance to really think it over as there was an ugly monster charging right at them. Instinctively, Ariana jumped up from the ground and let out a low warning growl. Not daring to look away from the grotesque looking monster, she asked, “Do you know what the fuck that thing is? Because I don’t think it came here to make friends.” She dodged out of the way as it tried to pounce her and let out another snarl though it wasn’t nearly as scary when she was in her petite human frame. Her body was itching to turn into a wolf, but she took deep breaths and reminded herself she was with a hunter. Kaden had this under control, right? She reassured herself that the hunter could in fact handle whatever this was and she didn’t need to ruin her favorite pair of jeans for the sake of not becoming someone’s literal snack. 

Kaden was up on his feet and ready, facing the same direction as Ariana as a monster leapt out at them. For a moment, Kaden almost forgot who he was with; it almost didn’t occur to him that the growls and snarls were from her and not the long nosed winged monstrosity coming after them. Fuck. The distraction was just enough that he missed any opportunity for an attack and he dodged out of the way. He tried to catch a better glimpse at it while he regained his balance. “Don’t remember the name,” he said as he righted himself. “Pretty sure it’s a vampire, though.” There were entirely too many fucking weird specific types of undead bloodsuckers out there for him to recall them all by heart, especially when they weren’t his bread and butter by any fucking means. He tightened his grip around the knife, ready this time to get out of the way of the beast’s oncoming attack much more gracefully. The piece of shit had a long tongue and slime dripping off of its skin. “Putain de merde,” he called out as it hit him. “Watch the tongue, it's poison. And since I’m pretty fucking sure these knives aren’t ivory we either need to run or take its head off!” 

A vampire? That sure as hell didn’t look like any vampire Ariana had ever seen. Given, Carrington was the only vampire she’d ever met, but still. This thing was fucking ugly and she was increasingly annoyed that it was interrupting time that was meant for Celeste. “Fucking great,” she grumbled as she kept slowly backing away from the grotesque looking vampire. That long, pointed tongue was definitely giving her the wiggins. Kaden had a knife, he was a hunter. This was fine. No reason to feel threatened and wolf out in front of a werewolf hunter. Even if she trusted him, she felt uncomfortable at him seeing that side of her. Her eyes widened as he explained, “Poison tongue, what the fuck? We don’t exactly have an easy way to lob it’s head off-- I mean I could…” That thought was cut off by the thing charging toward Kaden again. “Watch out,” she shouted and realized she’d been too late in doing so. 

Kaden tried to dodge but this time, he was too slow. The monster reached out and grabbed a hold of his shoulders. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He wriggled and wrtithed, trying to break from the vampire’s grips, but nothing was working. He watched as the tongue whipped around towards him. Kaden threw his head to the side, trying to throw his whole body and avoid it. He mostly did but it wasn’t enough. The vampire leaned in and licked a big, slobbery, slimy lick along the side of his neck and up his cheek. Kaden felt his stomach churn watching it, he wanted to turn to the side and heave out his dinner, but it was no longer the grip that was slowing him down. His eyes grew wider as he could feel his limbs start to lock up, no longer able to fight the beast that was hell bent on making him his meal. “Ari” he started to shout. He wasn’t even sure what he was going to tell her, run or help. It didn’t matter. His lips went numb and Kaden wasn’t even sure he could scream anymore. 

Panic overcame Ariana as the weird looking vampire pounced on Kaden and he seemed to be immobilized. He did say the things tongue was poison and it was clear to Ariana she needed to act quickly if she wanted to get both of them out of here alive. She let her fight instinct overcome her and her bones shifted into place. Growning. Making her bigger. Making her stronger. She kept the focus of saving Kaden in mind as she transformed to ensure she could keep herself under control. Her limbs elongated and became covered in white and gray fur. Claws extended. Snout grew outward and was already dripping with drool. A low warning growl escaped before she charged forward. Twigs broke underneath her paws and her teeth were sinking into the vampire as it was still distracted on its own meal. The wolf dragged the creature away from Kaden though it struggled underneath her teeth. It’s skin had been easy enough to bite into, but it had some fight in it. The wolf held on to Kaden’s previous words of taking the thing’s head off. She secured the monster with her claws pressing into its shoulder and took her bite to its neck. It was hardly a tasty meal, but it was a necessary one. The wolf was somewhat content as she took chunks out of the things neck as it squirmed under her grasp trying desperately to lick her too. The more she ate away at its neck, the less it thrashed beneath her. Only a few more bites of rotten flesh and they’d be safe. After what felt like too many more mouthfuls of vampire, the thing’s head finally rolled away from the body. 

The vampire had him, Kaden was helpless and stuck. Fuck, this was how he was going to die. He felt his flesh starting to almost sizzle, dissolving under the saliva of the monster and all he could do was blink. He tried to scream, but his throat wne tight. He shut his eyes, waiting for the end to come when his body felt lighter, His eyes flew open just in time to see the vampire yanked from off of him by a werewolf. Oh, fuck a goddamn werewolf on top of all of-- Shit. That was Ariana, wasn’t it? Kaden wanted to scream, run away, do anything, but he was still frozen in place. He tried with everything he had to throw his body out of the way of the fight, get as far from both of them as possible. He heard flesh tearing and bones crushing and he hoped like hell it was the monster and not the wolf. What was unfair is he could still feel the crawl down his spine letting him know there was, in fact, a werewolf nearby. One more sickening crunch and Kaden felt the tension in his body unleash, and the scream he was trying to push out, just exhaled out of him. Shaking, he tried to push himself up a little to see what had happened. Vampire was dead, no thanks to him, head torn off. And there was a white and grey werewolf, just like Ariana described herself. Kaden’s eyes were still wide with terror, unsure of what was going to happen next. Sure she’d saved him, but would she keep her control? Was he safe now or not? 

The sound of Kaden’s heart thudding against his chest was hard to ignore, but the familiar scent kept Ariana stable. Part of the fight instinct still felt on edge as she carefully watched Kaden moving again. She watched him carefully and channeled her energy to her more human thoughts. As the wolf relaxed, fur and claws retreated leaving a bare Ariana in its place. Her own breathing started to relax seeing the definitely detached head of the vampire on the ground. It left a strange, sour taste in her mouth that kept her nose scrunched up. She wiped some of the blood from her face and turned to Kaden. “You okay,” she asked as she examined him from afar. Once she came to the conclusion that he was in fact safe, she extended an arm and said, “I’m gonna need your jacket.”

Slowly, Kaden felt his muscles relax and his control come back. He also felt the pain, lots of pain. His hand gripped the knife as he watched the wolf intently. As she transformed back into herself, Kaden thought about flopping back onto the ground in relief. “Maybe,” he said, voice shaky and a little slurred, mouth still slightly numb. His brow furrowed when she asked for his jacket. Why was she asking for-- Then it hit him what he was looking at. Sure, Ariana was human again, or appeared human. She was also naked. And stil a fucking teenager. Fuck, gross, fucking hell. He turned away and shut his eyes. “Yeah, yeah hold on.” He ripped his jacket off as fast as he could, which was admittedly not fast due to the lingering tingling and slowness he felt all over. “Here,” he said, tossing it towards her, keeping his eyes fixed away from her. “Tell me when it’s safe.” Funny, that had a few meanings now.  

“I’m gonna take that as a not really,” Ariana retorted as it became more clear the effects of the venom were still very much present. It didn’t stop her from snatching his jacket away and being somewhat amused by his reaction. She’d been a wolf long enough that nudity was hardly uncomfortable for her and the last person who was going to be a creep about it was Kaden. The jacket was thankfully long on her and she closed it up enough that she was completely covered. “You’re safe,” she stated before she asked, “Are you able to like… stand though?” She looked over him, still concerned. Whatever kind of vampire that thing was, she hadn’t heard of it before and had no idea how long lasting the effects were. 

Once Ariana said the coast was clear, or, well, covered, Kaden tried to push himself up. He grit his teeth as his muscles wobbled and threatened to give out beneath him. “Fine, I’m fi--” He faltered a moment and felt his knees buckle out from under him. He stayed there for a moment, trying to gather the strength to stand. This was pathetic. What would have happened if he was there alone? He would have died, that’s what would have happened. Kaden inhaled deeply, taking one look at Celeste’s tree, and got to his feet, still shaky. “Uh, thanks for…” Kaden wasn’t able to say it. A werewolf hunter needing to be saved by a werewolf, it was too shameful. But Ari wasn’t really-- No. She was. She might have been Celeste’s sister, but she was and always would be a werewolf. Kaden would have to figure out how to feel about that later. “Do you-- can you help me balance?” His stomach churned, he hated being this vulnerable and needy. “Legs are still a little numb.” 

There was a small frown on her face as she watched Kaden struggle to get up. Ariana hoped the side effects weren’t long lasting. Hunters were supposed to have quick healing anyway. She raised an eyebrow as he said he was fine. He didn’t look fine, but she’d let him have his moment of being stubborn. After all, it was a trait she shared. She was only a little perturbed he couldn’t bring himself to thank her properly. As she rolled her eyes, she said, “For saving your life? Sure thing, fam.” The use of fam was more for her more amusement than anything else. She knew it was probably hard for a werewolf hunter to admit his ass just got saved by an actual werewolf. Once he asked for a hand, she reached out and helped pull him up. “Here,” she explained as she walked on her tip-toes so she could be tall enough to help him actually keep his balance, “I’ve got you. I’ll help you get home, but you’re totally ordering me some cheeseburgers to get the taste of actual death out of my mouth.”

[unfortunatematchups]

(Hello is this blog dead because I haven't seen you post since February)

nope, this blog aint dead. i have it open on a browser tab as long as im online to check on any new asks and messages. im going to leave a short explanation here for those who dont want to waste their time.

weve been busy with other interests and ive gotten something like a writers block. matchup block? since im the primary writer here, theres pretty much no activity as long as im not writing. thats it. no reason, nothing to do with personal problems. just a block. 

keep reading for the real reason. you might not like it, but here it is.

im going to use these john sprites to convey my emotion so it might clear up any doubts on how im feeling. lets start with the process of how i write a match.

this is what a draft looks like. i write out how i would rant about this pairing, errors and all, then i leave it for the next day to come back to this and clean this draft into a polished, three-pointer paragraph. the thing is, im the only one doing this, so its obviously going to take long. i dont mind, i love to type and see something spawn from my effort. 

the problem? these rants are people-specific. right. whatever im rambling about in the draft, its about the ask and the ask only. it wouldnt fit if you crammed it into another ask, it wouldnt make a lick-a-sense if it was used to answer someone else. but, when i start to polish it up with clear and coherent sentences, suddenly it becomes… static. it becomes plain and simple, uninteresting and linear. think of it like youre hearing about a book from someone you know and trust versus a review. the person you know describes why the book is great with a lot of passion and love, but theres a lot of errors in delivery and some awkward bits they havent flushed out yet. 

nevertheless, its enjoying and persuasive, because you can see how they love it so much to the point where it gets them like that. they dont plan out how theyll describe the book to you word by word, because theres no need to. seeing how it gets them excited gets you excited, so you buy their faith in the book. 

what about a review? its clean, its cut, its perfect in delivery. it has a flow, introducing you to the story and overall appeal, then maybe it digs down for a spoiler or two. it gels with you in a simple fashion, doesnt quite have that connection a passionate ramble has. because its professional. 

thats what ive been making this blog to be. professional. i answer the request with a polished, pretty and perfect answer. theres no personal connection. i could take a match, swap out a couple of words, maybe cut out a bit, and it would be clear for another match. it feels static to write those paragraphs, and it progressively gets worse each time i repeat the process. im chipping away at something so close, so personal and unique into something dull and professional because i want it to look clean.

but thats my end of the problem. i dont like how it comes out, so what? people enjoy it. they must be, seeing how theres fifty three fucking asks for matchups and 73 followers. 

i wont show all the asks i have in the inbox, but ill tell you what majority, if not all of them, sound like. 

“I’m bi/pan”, “I have brown hair/eyes”, “I’m chubby/short”, “I like art/gaming/reading/writing”, “I’m shy around people I don’t know, I’m crazy around people I know”, “I’m a nerd”, “I have ADHD/Anxiety���. 

of course, there are some exceptions. not everything i say is as is, but from 50+ asks, these are what about three quarters of them sound like. there are personal differences, like music tastes and obscure hobbies, but the general gist is there. 

im not going to say anything about the sexuality orientation, because im in a friend group where majority, if not all, are not cishets. yes, people like art and gaming. 

but thats it? these descriptors are such shallow answers. i can personalise a match for you, sure, but does it feel like its right? you like gaming. so what, do you like ALL games? from FPS to Dating sims to Horror games to Sports games to Adult games? do you like ALL art? Surrealism, sculpture, comics, abstract, even those where they splash paint and call it a day? really? i dont think im asking for a lot when it comes to being specific. some asks literally just go ‘im a bi female, 5′3, i like gaming and drawing, im sometimes shy but i can be sassy at times’. 

with everyone being so similar and vague, how am i supposed to give a match i feel is right? i might as well take everyones favourite boy david elizabeth strider and talk about how he likes your art and how he likes gaming and oh isnt it so great that you two like music. 

there are some unique ones, and its pretty obvious which ones they are because ive put in more love into them. and i havent been able to do that to many asks. 

and the physical descriptions. while im sure some of the characters do have types and preferences, i dont care for appearances. i dont care if youre fat or skinny, i dont care if youre tall or short, brown hair or blonde. you being morbidly obese or morbidly skinny may affect the match depending on how i feel the characters might respond to someone with those physical traits, but they shouldnt matter. 

i dont need how you look. i dont want how you look. its shallow and unimportant. it takes up space in the ask, because you could be using it to describe your personality or interests in detail. not that youre limit to one ask, you can send in an entire fucking fourteen page essay and id match you, as long as youre telling me something i can pair you with. 

telling me youre ‘chubby’ or ‘blonde’ doesnt help visualise shit. this shouldnt be new information to you or anyone else. writing shit like ‘he loves your curves!’ or ‘she likes how short you are because it makes you cute’ is bullshit and is simply self-serving nonsense. yes, its an additional bonus if your lover likes how youre short or fat, but that shouldnt be why theyre in love with you. a paragraph based on how much they like to hold you are appreciate your body is utter fucking nonsense. you appreciate your own body, and thats it. 

i dont feel inspired when i look at some of these asks. i dont feel like i should answer any of these because a) im not obligated to, this blog is just a side hobby and b) id be writing something i dont enjoy for people who might also not enjoy it. i dont deserve to sit at my laptop and write something i feel doesnt represent my work or ideas well, and the person who im matching doesnt deserve the half-assed boring paragraph of nonsense im pulling out of my ass just to clear the inbox. 

ive taken some time away from this blog and upon receiving this ask, i wanted to use the same old excuse every other blog uses: ‘we’ve been busy, so we went on an unannounced hiatus’. 

but thats not true. with the pandemic forcing lockdowns, theres essentially nothing else for us to do. if anything, this would mean that we have more time to write. 

so there it is. my truthful answer as to why nothings coming out of this blog.

part of this is my fault. i thought that maybe i could force myself to match all those vague asks that feel like theyre about the same person, just with a couple of changes. but i cant. i wont. im not going to keep writing shit i dont like, and im not going to keep giving half-assed matches, giving characters people are at the very least sure to be okay with. 

i want to write exciting, unique and adorable relationships. i thought that with the homestuck fandom being so vast and creative, maybe i would get the chance to meet and write for a couple of people who were just so different it would make pairings id never thought of. 

but nah, it looks like everything is the same. all the anon asks start to bleed together. the responses start becoming the same. im given descriptions that sound so tame, so generalised. like somehow, youre afraid of letting me know who you are as a person. or not, perhaps you just struggle with expressing yourself. thats why youre using anon to send in your ask, isnt it? 

i turned anon on because i wanted to respect privacy. i wanted people to be able to send in each and every detail about themselves while remaining behind a mask so they could get the best match without exposing every inch of themselves on a blog. maybe that was my mistake. 

ill leave the matches open, but im only going to do the ones that interest me. but if you decide that you dont give a fuck about the quality of the match, tell me or something. i have drafts that i can just post. maybe youd like that. 

-pretty obviously, mod olio.

[nofeartina]

Your presence still lingers here - Part 1

“I really like your hair.”

It’s the first human interaction Even has had all night and he’s honestly a bit surprised that someone is talking to him. He knows that he’s not really friendly-looking standing here, especially since he’s not really putting any effort into it.

It’s like this for him – easier not to interact, to stand back and let the party happen around him, tuning out the small talk and drunken come-ons. Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing new under the sun and never will be.

Especially this line.

“Thanks,” he says. He knows he should’ve changed it a while ago. Sometimes he’ll wear the same hairstyle for 60 years and won’t even notice how horribly outdated it is until someone points it out for him, or he’ll suddenly notice one day, finally looking at the people passing by in more than a hurried glance.

That’s always the hardest part for him – fitting in. Or rather, not sticking out.

Maybe he’s worn it so long this time that it’s started to become fashionable again. That wouldn’t be the first time either.

The guy leans in, smelling like booze and some kind of perfume, looking at Even with wide, open eyes. Trusting, naïve. Young. Even has met thousands of young men like him throughout the times and this one doesn’t look any different than the others.

Even watches him lick his lips, watches how his gaze lingers at Even’s, and Even’s so incredibly bored by it. It’s been a couple of centuries since someone piqued his interest enough for a fuck, and this thinly disguised horniness isn’t really doing it for him.

“I’m not interested,” Even says before the guy can proposition him. He watches his face fall, watches his cheeks heat up, watches his eyes dart away from him to the side.

Ah. He really is young, even by mortal standards. Clearly he’s not used to this and Even just shot him down. It’s enough to make Even feel a little bad.

He turns, angles his body more towards the guy, says, “I didn’t mean to be so harsh, I’m just not here for that.”

The guy nods, licks his lips again like it’s a nervous tick of his, glances at Even briefly before he looks away again.

“Yeah, I’m sure you must get that a lot.”

Even smiles.

And maybe it is a little bit rewarding to have the guy’s eyes widen at the sight of it, maybe it makes something inside Even stir like it’s fighting to come back alive after a too-long hibernation.

He sticks out his hand. “I’m Even.”

A pleased, shy smile spreads over the guy’s face, even as he takes Even’s hand. “Hi Even, I’m Isak.”

Isak.

Even’s always liked that name, has known too many people with variations of it for him not to like it. None of them important, just passing acquaintances.

Isak’s hand feels good in his, warm and dry and steady, his pulse jumping when the tip of Even’s forefinger slips up under his sleeve to feel out the thin skin of the inside of his wrist.

He’s so alive. So much potential, so many futures ahead of him, so many things he doesn’t know yet. Things he’ll never know. But Even is aware of him now, watches how his curls lick along the sides of his snapback, how his shoulders are wide under his jacket, how his eyes are green.

Even always was weak for green-eyed blonds.

“What are you here for then?” Isak asks, clearly having caught Even staring, checking him out. He cocks his hip, raises his chin as his smile twists into a smirk. Maybe it’s coincidental, maybe it’s not. Maybe he actually knows the kind of image he makes like that – alluring, flirting, challenging.

Even’s body heats up, slowly coming alive with what Isak is offering.

He tilts his head, licks his lips, feels that old familiar rush when Isak’s eyes follow the movement of his tongue.

“You tell me.”

He moves closer, makes sure there’s no mistaking what he’s offering in return.

Isak stays, makes it so Even’s the one moving, surprising Even after how forward he’s been until now.

And when they finally kiss, he realizes why – Isak is new. All new. He’s eager and clumsy and shy, his skin warm under Even’s hands, but he’s also a fast learner. And when he presses Even against the wall, sucks on his tongue and moans, Even feels more alive than he has in a good, good while.

--||--

Being immortal isn’t really what it’s cracked up to be.

Even has thought about this a lot, over the years, when there was really nothing else to do but think.

See, time might be linear, in theory, but it doesn’t work like that when you’ve been around long enough. Sometimes it feels like time is more circular, like if you wait long enough, people will make the same mistakes, the same catastrophes will hit, the same things will come into fashion. The same inventions will be made. And that kind of makes time move less linear and more… incohesive.

Even hardly notices the passing of time anymore. Or the people inhabiting the world with him at any given time. But he recognizes Isak immediately the next time he sees him and knows exactly how long it’s been since that night.

Just looking at Isak makes Even feel alive again, makes him remember every detail of that night like it happened only minutes ago and not 5 years.

He should be careful, should hold back, has been hurt by time so often that he’s not even sure that he can be hurt anymore. He should stay away. But it’s been so long since he’s felt anything but bored.

He only hesitates for a few more seconds before he gives in to the impulse to go to Isak. He doesn’t know what this is yet, but Isak feels anything but boring. Sometimes a little distraction is just what he needs to break the monotony of time. 

And he has a feeling Isak could be a great distraction.

[throwinggrapesoffthebalcony]

preface to LAVENDER SOAP

You can feel apocalyptic in a number of ways, even while living in peaceful times. But what many times looks like peace, isn’t. And so a piece may arise during our own suppressed apocalypse. That was the case with Lavender Soap and my life in 1996. Very few places have had the energy to influence me as a writer, to feed into my tendencies, and even fewer places that could provide a sense of peace, that I was only ever able find in the water; buoyant saline, under the warmth of the ray’s of the sun. Even in storm, or the dead of winter, it was a tranquility, a sanctuary, that I could never find on land. Depending on your life, it’s a beautiful separation.

The epoch and the hotel was very different then, it was at peace tucked into the trees. It wasn’t decimated  by this new cheap world yet. The perfect air was still influxed with the smell of foliage and perfume and of old materials, plaster ruined and repaired a thousand times, regrouted with the tiles left intact, the aging glue of wallpaper is sweet. Decor should be timeless during our lives. Life is so short after all. It was a hotel imbued with and not completely claimed by the past yet, with the past, absorbed into the walls and woodwork and tapestries. The faint voices, rapes, murders, sufferings, and suicides of a more glamorous past, saved like metal oxide on tape in the walls; played when the atmosphere is right. The first element that effects me are women I’ve been involved with sexually and their particular fashion and our conversations, the other is the inspiration of architecture; this necessity to remove and protect ourselves from the elements of nature. And the third being that wild energy of nature itself, weather, thermal dynamics, etc. I’ll save the commentary about the energy arising from the earth and surroundings for the preface for SSHS, which was more influenced by the raw energy of a geographic location and life’s tragedies than it was about architecture. And writing that piece was never about silence for me, while Lavender Soap was born, not in the clash of an apocalyptic scene, but in the very opposite, in the midst of the most pleasurable quiet, not an absolute silence, but a perfect quiet. The sound of air moving through trees, the sound of a rotary telephone ringing, faint voices speaking somewhere, the existence of humanness, not intruding on your life, when it doesn’t need to. That was a time when I think everyone had their own scenario, there were bounds, and knew that your scenario wasn’t their scenario; which is called sanity. Perfect separation of lives, we were humans not insects. And because of this, meeting someone was always much more interesting than now. Lavender Soap is, besides being a psychological piece delving into my experiences at the Chateau, it’s also to a great extent a retrospect, and a regression to my childhood. It was in a childhood bedroom that I perfected disassociation, disconnection, and detachment in, out of necessity, for survival. A house of continual violence, week after week, year after year, leaves you with nowhere to go but down. Fantasy and pictures, allowed me to drift off. A calendar out of date, a hopeful month of lavender fields is where all of my loves stood. They never take you up. Sleeping with my weapon of choice, a tapered necked ball peen hammer. And with the faint smell of WD40 and rust the angels never come to save you from the screaming. A movie about war, that’s pretty in a way, is the only way I can remember that film.

In 1996, experience wasn’t found on a cell phone. I was young and if you wanted to feel something or experience something, you had to shower, dress and traverse whatever plane you were on. And from one location to another, so much could happen, and in-between there was discovery, moments. Forget the set pieces, that’s not what this life is made of. This life is made of moments. In my opinion, that curiosity is what the young are absolutely lacking in today’s world, that and not feeling like individuals. There was a conversation that I read, I think around that same time, where a film editor, I think Murch, if not, one of the other prominent film editors, was talking about editing on a Moviola. And because of the linear nature of working with whole strips of 35mm film, he would have to pass through a lot of footage that he hadn’t previously considered, and that he would have, if working in a non-linear manner have never encountered. And there, he would find moments that worked more profoundly than what he was intending to use. And I think that lack of an analog approach in living, has people missing the more profound encounters, the accidental encounters, encounters more enlightening than what they might experience with a premeditated itinerary. But wait, they had an exchange on tender; what a fucking joke. I feel sorry for them. I’ve never fallen in love with this new digital era, a work of spite and bitterness, a reaction to a world that didn’t feel inclusive enough, so it’s become a strategy of slash and burn. And how do you tell someone to fuck off so they truly listen in today’s era? Must it be an apocalypse for the stalkers. Are people always drawn into that state of darkness. And it’s so easy to lose sight of the jungle you’re in, when the modern world disguises the archetypes so well. The weeks become months and the months become years and years become a decade, while I was creating the philosophies of a man facing death, even while undeservedly healthy, and unfairly able to fuck.

Arriving at the hotel in 96’ was serendipitous, or fateful, whether you want to believe that life is steadfast or whimsical. It felt whimsical when I met a couple of cute girls named Hanni and Sunny at Beverly Connection one evening; one lovable, the other the type to want to watch, then try to explain what each of the other really wanted. I jotted down a few impressions I had of them at the time. They told me that they had this special place they wanted to show me. I thought they were full of shit. But one evening they picked me up and took me to the Chateau Marmont. The weather was terrible that night. I was dressed for the woods. It was a quiet place, empty, with an entrance of willow branches hanging dank over the drive. We sat in the living room and even while I tried to concentrate on the conversations we were having, I was only half there, while the other part of me had already wandered off into the hotel, amongst the spirits and whispering lips. Sunny called, with the concern of the other on mind. It was against her religion to have sex before marriage, and she was confused as to whether oral copulation was sex. I gave the wrong and less comforting answer. Of course it is. People go stagnant just as places do. I went looking for Hanni where she worked at Milk and Honey as a hostess. I saw her through the windows, but the place was busy and I didn’t want to get her into any trouble, so I continued on my walk. I didn’t see them much anymore, but I kept going back to the Chateau. It was just as quaint during the afternoon as it was at night. On most nights, it was desolate, like a huge spaceship had hovered over and removed every last trace of guests. This was before they began to monetize the mythos of the place, and run it like a circus. The hallowed courtyard had eyes in 1996, and then in 2006 it had the eyes of a cheap set looking for anything edible. Drug dealers intwined with movie moguls and music producers. When first arriving there, there was peace, and I would explore the floors unimpeded. I felt strangely allowed. One afternoon that week after the two girls had shown me the place, I went and stood on the landing on the shady side of the hotel. I could have stood there for centuries. I thought about a life with her, while still in love with what I couldn’t have. I wasn’t apart from those feelings yet. They choked me up, but I would never cry. I probably set the record for being on the verge of tears, while they dried. The people were more reclusive and weird then. With so many people in those rooms, so few went about. They come out for air. They ask each other, never asking you. Even while asking me, would be the quickest way to find something out. Strange quirks with some of these who reside here. Notes I wouldn’t even have to look back upon to remember. I didn’t know about the inner workings of Hollywood yet, even while I was already pitching ideas, but wrote literature and not scripts. I didn’t know there were those perpetually green-lit, only needing content, and those perpetually in the red light. But on the surface, everything was crystal clear, with my young primo lenses at the time, seeing even the minute texture in anything like glitter in the dust. I suppose speculation has always been a turn on. But the place was an immediate enchantment, and people were actors, so forgiven, and no idiosyncrasies of the fauna would keep me from going back. I loved the place. It gave me a chance to linger in that aesthetic. There were occasions when I’d stay in the living room until dawn, undisturbed, when I could have stayed and ordered breakfast if I’d wanted to. Hollywood and this hotel had already had a long history before I arrived. The materials, the curtains and rugs and upholstery was already soaked to the bone, damp with the secretions of the body, the blood, the saliva and vaginal fluids of the past. In the present, you can smell the distinction of a vagina from a mouth perfectly. But through time, it becomes this amalgamated scent, so fine and subtle that it could be bottled as perfume; an aphrodisiac for the intellect. I want to stay and live here, but it costs a fortune. Check out time is like another death, the woman who spreads the sheets might be the perfect fuck. Dreaming in a bed that saw the golden age. The ghosts of a thousand whores arise. But that was the wet part of the dream. They all say the same thing, they all dance the same way. They all want to stay in this world. This, while everyone claims to live in a higher plane. They want freedom without the label being emblazoned upon them. Today’s perfect. That’s just a desirable label and we all have desires. You wish you could turn them all into someone someone would have loved. On the landing on the shady side of the hotel, the rush of thoughts has me without sight, the sun penetrating my eyes. I wouldn’t even know what a strange thought was then, always in the wine. I went into the shadows falling over me. The strange trees don’t know my past, but it seems that they love me. She was cold, goosebumps on the skin, she never warms. She’s not of this world. But this place is like heaven’s turnkey, and here I can dream, that I’m living a spectacular life. My every thought here like a disco in the dark light. It’s coming up river with the blackness gleaming to take my life. In the past one only had to return to civilization. Now, there is no civilization to return to. Modern society is like a plague that has no brains. That dies out, not by heat or cold or is prevented by the razor wire of another man’s desires for peace of mind. Death is the only peace. Just as I was told of my literary pursuits, that all the hours were wasted, and to think about the fact, that all those I admired in that craft, are all dead, and so was the craft. I was sitting at a drive-in theatre. Hail memory. Prefaces are life, when a form of death has already occurred.

On the subject of soap balls, they were always perplexing. My grandmother, a strange woman, born in New Braunfels, Tx, who never opened her presents, wouldn’t let me wash my hands with them. They were decorations, to be dusted and sniffed for their essence. One lathered by mistake and placed back into the bunch looked funny, and you wondered if she’d notice. They looked like dull gum-balls in a decorative bowl, and I’d acquired a taste for soap, or at least I wasn’t as disgusted as they’d wanted me to be. You can frustrate the hell out of a nun that way, by loving it, and asking her for more. But I was curious as to whether they were different flavors. I couldn’t tell; perhaps because sometimes smell and taste are inseparable. Perhaps their mystery lays in their not being of a practical shape, and round always tends to represent the erotic, like ovaries, representing the female anatomy. But there’s also a aspect in the work that I didn’t consciously think about until after writing the piece. And that was that in the victorian era, in the psychological journals, they often considered masturbation an attempt at suicide, or a suppressed death wish. And even while much of what they believed in then is laughable, maybe the act of masturbating with lavender soap was my fragrant wish to kill myself. I don’t know if I’m trying to cum or kill myself in the present either. My theory is that it keeps me from being desperate and at the mercy of women, when they aren’t readily available to me.

Dark blue was a piece I was more in love with writing, a story about a woman who’d committed a sin, that caused me to become an exile to femininity. When you can no longer trust women, there’s no longer a church to visit, there’s no safe place to hide. Dark Blue wasn’t as spontaneous as Lavender Soap, it was more evolved, I wanted to think carefully about it, I wanted some past world to be impressed. I wanted to stay immersed in a calm exile. Those who could even judge literature, now were few and far between. And because Dark Blue was also set at the Chateau, it was slowly being devoured by this more delirious work. It was like one stage of my life devouring another. And I wasn’t even in that careful mood to make a copy of it before I began cutting it up, and making fodder of it for a pop piece. I’ll probably extract Dark Blue from Lavender Soup and make it the subtle, psychological piece I’d wanted it to be; another conversation piece, the finite texture of dark blue polyester, a comfortable face and beautiful thighs, and a line, ‘I can’t believe you’d ever do this to me.’ You never expect a woman to be a criminal. It’s subtly frightening. You take the time to stare more deeply into the mystery of a pair of eyes. And when you can no longer believe in the feminine, when that door too, says deception, when it says enter at your own risk, it leaves you with no sanctuary at all in this world.

Lavender Soap was a chance to dwell on audiophilia and woodworking, even though much of the elaborations ended up on the cutting room floor, when it began to feel like This Old House. I think in every field, there’s an equilibrium with our humanness. And I think that wood and glass and analog technology was something that we can never rise above. There was no dissonance between it and the human body. We evolve technology, but the whole while we’re devolving. Like an individual, as a society, we cannot admit to wandering onto the wrong path, out onto a branch that leads to our demise, and while looking back at our past selves in arrogance, at our own expense. They’re already like zombies, and I think 5G will finish them off. Lithium, lithium, lithium. War, an OLED screen, and a sickening.

There was that first period of time exploring the Chateau when LA was magical, then I moved to D.C. and New York for a number of years. And as I did, many of the stories I’d started in my notebooks about or taking place in that setting were put on the back burner, while I was experiencing more of the in between and writing what I considered more significant novels. I’d visit Los Angeles on occasion, and the first place I’d want to get to was Venice, then after that, the Chateau Marmont. There were no marriage vows on the east coast, so I moved back to Los Angeles around 2006. I’d seen the Chateau become a less mysterious and more clamorous place during my visits but that was confirmed when I started going there frequently again. The magic was gone, for sure. And that magic was peace and quiet. Literature was becoming a dead beast, that had no place in this frivolous nature. I myself was disenchanted. I met a girl named Emma while I was living up Larrabee. I thought, maybe. And for the record, it was unfair to her that I quickly had such high expectations. I wanted a family. She said I was too smart for my own good and proceeded to eat my heart out. But I admit, I had her on the most perfect day of her life. No one will remember her so fondly. And so, at this breaking point of my life, I’d gone to a bicycle shop down Robertson and bought a chrome Bianchi Pista, trying to remain relevant and alive. I belonged in nature with a risk to life and limb; this was a crazy city now, homogenized, ceaseless, hungry. It was a point in my life when I had to seriously contemplate a return, a return home, or to academics, even while I despised its limitations, and had already fallen in love with studying outside of those restraints. I needed to give hard thought to returning to create some stability for myself, a life of normalcy, even if in some nowhere place. I already knew I’d been on a blacklist for some time by then, and well aware of the futility of trying to make it, while there are those determined to keep you down. But I kept writing, even without those motivations. And so I was riding around with that last chance to return on my mind, like always being conscious of death. The new technology had everyone riddled with something more invasive than neutrinos that just pass through everything. I was trying to shake off the stogy thoughts of literature and avoid the lack of patience that had infected everyone. And disappointment only aggravates your pride. You want to prove something, so you slip even in the bright sunlight, further into the heart of darkness. I’d try to ride through it, and write through it; the dystopian nightmare that everyone had feared would come, if they had their way, and they had their way. Without an exit strategy, the delusional self-induced Berkeley type archetypal bitch, had a plan. The illusion of an alternate world onto the real world. It had me dreaming of a landslide or a flood or a ball of fire heading right for us more than ever at the time. The freeze of disappointment settles on the brain. The billiard balls cease to scatter with infinite possibilities. You have to begin to look for your moments, then get the hell out before they burn down around you. But I would ride and when moving at the right speed, I could still say, that it was the place I first fell in love with. I played dead riding with no hands. I brought my old notepads out and began burning into Lavender Soap on a silver airbook. And again I’ll save this subject matter of writing tools and how they effect the process, for SSHS; the pen as opposed to a laptop, as opposed to a typewriter, etc. etc.

Why my father or anyone else for that matter was so miserable is about a past we cannot know. My father lived a life before I was ever born, I can’t judge him. It’s just the sight of an underwater knife and old scuba gear; everyone dives and that’s their life and no one else’s. And despite the terror in the household, he made an effort to educate me. He was a musician, so I was dragged around to Jazz festivals, which I always found fascinating, even while never being my favorite genre of music. More importantly, he loved film, and would take me to see first rate films while I was still at an impressionable age. It was Texas at a very different time. I don’t think he would in today’s world ever be able to sneak me, as a child into movies like The Godfather, The Deer Hunter, or Apocalypse Now. At least without being escorted by the police past the ‘no such thing as gender’ restroom doors, which the icon of the beast and word androgyny. Apocalypse Now is still my desert island movie, it was like candy to a child’s mind. I leave it in the DVD player for months at a time playing on a loop. It’s a movie I never tire of watching. I love when someone hates what I love, so maybe it’s a way to turn the stalkers off. Let them dwell in what will break them. It’s based on a book called Heart of Darkness, which is also one of my favorite works. It’s about the primordial model that we can’t get away from. We can build empires, then die over the wrong look. And when you’re a child, you see everything so differently, your eyes move to different parts of the screen, you take a different path through the film. You may not understand the poetry yet, or the subtext, or every word uttered, but you see another layer of beauty, that an adult might miss. And so your memory of certain elements are vivid. What’s written on a helicopter as it lands, ‘death from above’, and lavender smoke in the air making the ravages of life so pretty; like makeup on the whorish face of humankind. Then all the years have gone and it becomes like a masterpiece of background noise to a life in the continued, but post modernistic bloodbath of tribal animosities and nepotistic tendencies. The Heart of Darkness was a perfect model, because it’s the only model that makes any sense. We will die of a spear in the modern world. That dark model dwells in the modern city, and she’ll fuck us when she wants to. The end is always a bright pink clit coming down with bitterness and animosity. I can’t wait. 

When I first arrived in Los Angeles, we were consumed by the talk of lenses and cinema and the craft of filmmaking, when the craft was religion, and not political correctness. We knew our lenses. How’s political correctness done as an industry?, you may ask. Fairly well it seems. The advertisers don’t give a fuck what they’re selling or what Greco Roman history they’re destroying. They’re mercenaries. They’ve not replaced civilization with anything that will last. But now, nothing’s supposed to; not even history. Once again we can’t escape the analog nature of ourselves and how other methods aren’t as conducive for the flesh or for externalizing our fascinations for the world to see. Our inability to get away from that period will see us shrinking as human beings. We won’t be strong enough to fight off the virus. Analog is more evolved than digital, and I call this the ‘prism effect’; if you’ve ever seen a prism penetrated by sunlight, and how it separates white light into a spectrum of colors, it’s a beautiful sight. Now imagine the energy it takes and the technology to do what the prism does so simply, and without the need for batteries. We’re trying to digitize and synthesize nature until it resembles nature again, or sounds analog again, or feels like flesh again. Why? So someone can shut it off when they’ve lost control. The digital age has allowed a bunch of really strange and ‘awkweird’ people to rule over earth; and as it’s turned out they’re not immune to the thirst for war and destruction or terror. They just like to fuck things up from a distance, and don’t believe in repercussion. But someone at a pseudo think tank can cost so much life then walk to Starbucks to get a cup of coffee. We’re all vulnerable to nature. 

We can try to escape to places like Topanga or Malibu, but they want to stay connected. They don’t want the natural world to take place, even with all the natural beauty that still exists. Off the grid, makes them nervous, they’re so used to spying on everyone’s every move. It’s become their addiction, their lithium. I’m not your lithium. And it was during a time I was trying to escape, living out old Topanga road that something that might be considered trivial happened, but that in my mind was like some completion to an era of my life, like some forgiveness to put that part of my existence to rest. It was an afternoon that my girlfriend at the time and I made a stop at PC Greens along the Pacific Coast Highway, headed for a beach higher up. She waited for me while I ran in to buy a few things. And there, roaming around the store, was Martin Sheen. An old man now, but with the same face and voice. I looked into eyes I felt I knew well. I’m never one to bother actors, I know they fight for their private lives as well. But when heading for the checkout he came towards me like an old friend, and he was in a sense. And like perfection, what was playing and what was he singing to me? ‘The answer my friend is blowing in the wind.’ And he sang it as if disappointed, but as if there were time. We can’t know each other’s lives, but it was a beautiful sentiment. I went back out into the sun, elated, as if spared. Interesting. The wind took us up. We could have dissolved at that point with the waves breaking over us. Never complete, never finished.

And now, on another now. I leave the menu screen on flickering for hours, with the droning sound of the helicopter over fiery palms sweeping across my life, before I can bring myself to hit ‘play film’ again. 

-Alan Augustine

Los Angeles, 2020

[thesinglesjukebox]

LIZZO - GOOD AS HELL

[7.55]

We look forward to "Juice" hitting the top 40 sometime in 2021..

Katie Gill: It is infinitely amusing that with Lizzo's career trajectory, her songs that are 2-3 years old are getting the radio play instead of her current work. Granted, "Good As Hell" is an absolute banger. But it's an absolute banger that is obviously a product of Lizzo's earlier work, especially when compared the the musical evolution she shows on Cuz I Love You. It's also an absolute banger that seems tailor-made for inclusion in movie trailers or makeover montages but hey, get that bread Lizzo. [7]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Lizzo singles don't expire after three years; they're just like chardonnay, get better over time. [8]

Thomas Inskeep: Goddamn, Lizzo can wring every bit of strength out of a female empowerment lyric, can't she? And she nails the rapping/singing combo like no one since -- I dunno, Lauryn Hill? In fact, maybe she's the rightful heir to L-Boogie's throne? And she does it all so damn joyfully to boot. Talk about fresh air on the radio. [8]

Joshua Copperman: After enjoying Big GRRL Small World, I remember hearing that Lizzo signed to Atlantic, working with the insufferably goofy producer Ricky Reed. It felt like a classic "sell-out" moment even if the term has lost all meaning. This song felt destined to blow up, but went nowhere. Neither did "Phone," and neither did "Truth Hurts." Cuz I Love You could incorporate her earlier, more political work in ways that felt authentic... but then "Truth Hurts" got massive, and "Good As Hell" is well on its way. There's a sense that Lizzo will go further in the shouting party anthem direction. She's a great interview, and a fantastic live performer, but it's disappointing to foresee a Bruno Mars-style trajectory when there's so much more to offer. At this rate, Big GRRL Small World could see a rerelease as the darker, more ambitious follow up, but she's still clearly happier making mindless party music. If she saves the thoughtful political commentary for when Terry Gross calls her "brave", that's okay. [6]

Stephen Eisermann: It is so hard to fault Lizzo's older material. While it's very easy to be cynical about self-empowerment anthems today, Lizzo has consistently shown that she excels at putting herself, a plus-size black woman, first and showing other people how to put themselves first. It's hard to separate her past hits from whatever current story she is involved in (like that horrid Postmates debacle), but, fuck, you are full lying if you say you don't smile on even your worst day when you play this chorus. The background vocals, the energy, the personality -- no part doesn't hold up. There is no chorus like a Lizzo chorus, no matter how long it has taken people to notice. [8]

Alfred Soto: Lizzo released a terrific album this year, you know, on which her sense of rhythm and how a star in waiting presents her material meshes wit the body-positivity messages. [6]

Tobi Tella: Sometimes the strength of a song is enough to push past any factors trying to stop it from entering the public conciousness. "Good As Hell" is a little corny, sure, but it's also empowerment without pandering, an uplifting song that doesn't feel the need to insert generic platitudes. Most of all, it's fun, which is something I think 2019 music totally misses most of the time. [8]

Kayla Beardslee: Personally, I'm looking forward to a couple singles from now, when Lizzo's team will be looking so far in the past for singles to push that they'll arrive at a point before her music career began and encounter a time paradox. If "Truth Hurts" can go #1 two years after its release, anything is possible, and why can't that include Lizzo deconstructing our understanding of time as a linear concept? Oh, and I'm supposed to review the song, too. Yeah, "Good As Hell" bops, will bop, has bopped, bops in the subjunctive, etc. The vocals are fantastic, and the piano riff gives the song a constant feeling of forward motion. It's the kind of track that makes you want to sing along, and even if (like me) you fail at imitating Lizzo's attention-grabbing vibrato, "Good As Hell" is so relentlessly fun that you'll feel happy about it anyways. [8]

Kylo Nocom: The power of hindsight is very strange. I used to see talk go around about how "Good as Hell" sounded like it could have been a hit, and now that it is one, is that underdog appeal still here? I used to think that her being compared to Natasha Bedingfield in Pitchfork's review of Cuz I Love You was unfair, but in hindsight, it's not really that far off. Values PSAs had "Where Is the Love?" then, and the soundtrack to them would be "Good as Hell" now. That's not a condemnation: corny stays in fashion, and with sounds as lovely as the ones Lizzo selects (namely, the drum kit of the chorus and the sampled vocal belts) it's easy to ignore how ultimately juvenile the message feels. [8]

Jackie Powell: Right now as we speak, "Good as Hell" sits at number 30 on the Billboard Hot 100. It was featured in the third film in the cult series "Barbershop," which starred fellow women in hip-hop Eve and Nicki Minaj, both whom Lizzo currently eclipses in relevance. Like the film, this track came out three years ago. This sleeper hit, along with Lizzo's career, has emerged from the ashes. They are a collective rising like a phoenix but with slightly more swagger and chock-full of sass. How is all of this possible? Lizzo's entire being defines what it means to be living in 2019. Self-care, inner strength, and an IDGAF attitude. That's why "Good as Hell" hit harder in 2019 rather than three years earlier. Zane Lowe has referred to this track as an "instant vintage vibe" and that's due to clean but predictable production from Ricky Reed. Lizzo's delivery functions in between a bounce in the verses and sweeping call and response in the pre-chorus and the hook. Her magic remains in the way she works to make her raps more digestible for listeners who live on the throwback playlists on Spotify. She's creating a similar product to Mark Ronson in that they both aim to bring sounds from then and now together in a triumphant union. Thank goodness for Lizzo, someone who has the secret recipe to make anyone feel "as good as hell," a task far from effortless. [7]

Vikram Joseph: It seems kind of fitting that I'm writing this before work on a wet Monday morning, because "Good As Hell" is transformative in a way that's hard to resist. Taylor Swift might have recently claimed that she "want[s] your dreary Mondays" (ok, not yours, Joe Alwyn's), but "Good As Hell" simply will not allow them to exist -- at least for 2 minutes and 37 seconds. It achieves this mostly because of the melancholy that lurks in the corners of the song, and because of the way that classic descending chord progression confers a sense of unconditional positivity in the face of chronic adversity. The delivery of "baby, how you feeling?" should win awards -- most singers would sell it as uncomplicated celebration, but Lizzo sounds incredibly empathetic, concerned even, like she half-expects the answer might be "like shit, Lizzo, I feel like shit." And the song's instant meme -- "hair toss, check my nails!" -- is actually a performance piece in putting your best self out there when your heart feels bruised and tired. The strange, wonderful alchemy of "Good As Hell" is that, through method-acting feeling good as hell when all of your instincts tell you that you really don't, it actually makes you feel fucking incredible. [9]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Vol. 5 "Unforeseen Complications"

This is a re-posting from Oct. 28th, 2017 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

This RWBY review had to be put on hold while I finished Stranger Things 2. In all honesty if you're reading this instead of watching the new season... please re-think your life choices.

For those of you who have binged properly you'll already know that though RWBY doesn't do holiday-themed episodes, they're still bringing in the Halloween spirit this week with the rather terrifying title "Unforeseen Complications." We open on Blake, Sun, Kali, and a pacing Ghira, wearing his tiny reading glasses that everyone was gushing over when the promo picture first dropped. Luckily we haven't lost the adorable cat Dad (yet), but things aren't looking good, especially when he's given this much screen time in a show that just loves breaking up happy families. Ghira is prepping a speech in regards to Adam's recent power-play and the only thing that eases the tension is a warm, family hug.

And Sun's awkward fourth-wheeling. Honestly, that was funny about ten episodes ago. For a side character that's been thrust into one of the main cast's storyline, Sun sure hasn't justified his place there yet. He's done little in the way of really assisting Blake in her work and the injury that worried everyone last Volume was explained away this very episode, amounting to nothing. The guy either needs something to do or finally needs to clear out--which, I should add, Blake wanted him to do weeks ago.

Sun aside, Ghira remains a favorite among fans for his sweet nature, fair views, and unending support of his daughter. His speech here, laying out Adam's rogue faction in the White Fang and his involvement in the Fall of Beacon, isn't anything that the viewer didn't already know about. In fact, the scene is a little confusing if you don't catch that Blake's story is apparently taking place a month behind everyone else's. There's no overt indication of this using text on screen and given that we're following so many characters, there's no easy way to imply an ellipsis, let alone that we're jumping around a suddenly non-linear timeline. I had originally taken Ghira's warning that Adam intends to kill Sienna as an indicator that news of her death hadn't reached the island yet. However, it was pointed out to me later that Ghira mentions Haven opening in two months time whereas Ozpin, later in the episode, says that school starts up in a month. I'm not sure why RT has chosen this form--or why they've made it so convoluted--but I'm trusting that it will somehow benefit the overall structure of the Volume.

Ghira's call to assist the humans in Haven certainly doesn't get an outcry of support from the crowd, but he's entirely undermined when Ilia (dramatically) throws off her cloak and reveals herself, shouting that they should never help the humans when they've done nothing but harm the faunus in turn. Sun tries to grab her (he fails) but the damage is already done. As we see through the camera focusing on our two creepy fox brothers, Adam's splinter faction has wormed its way in deep. We know thanks to Ilia's scroll that Adam not only plans to attack Haven but take out their CTT tower as well. RWBY is chock-full of themes surrounding communication (or the lack thereof) and literally taking out the kingdoms' one way of contacting one another is highly reflective of that. Combine that with Ilia’s few words sowing so much discord. Divide them and they’ll fall, and all that. 

The real action of the episode though is with Team RNJR. After a full two weeks we finally get to see the gang's reaction to Professor Ozpin's return and oh boy, it did not disappoint.

Ruby: "Isn't it weird?"

She's so excited about this! Qrow reminds the kids that this is strange for everyone involved, including the boy you're hounding, so they sheepishly give Oscar some space. He admits that he's a little nervous because he's never met real huntsmen and huntresses before, which is a wonderful callback to Ruby's excited, "Can I have your autograph?" to Glynda in Episode One. She's come far enough now that she's the one people look up to with awe. There's also perhaps a bit of rosegarden here, but that's obviously a ship that can only happen if Ozpin gets a body of his own.

We then (bless) finally get some actual information regarding this Oscar-Ozpin situation. Oscar shows everyone his "parlor trick" where, with a flash of green aura, gold eyes, and white hair, Ozpin takes control of his body, making everyone emotional with a sincere, "It is so very good to see you again, students."

It's a remarkably light scene for all the revelations. Like I've been noting in all these recaps, Ozpin admits how pleased he is that Ruby and the others can retain their sense of humor in the face of confusing and traumatizing circumstances. We get another callback as Ozpin apologizes, saying that he wasn't exaggerating when he once told Ruby he'd made more mistakes than any man, woman, or child. We learn that he has been “cursed” by the gods for failing to stop Salem centuries ago. For thousands of years Ozpin has lived, died, and reincarnated in the body of a "like-minded soul," though there's still no explanation of what exactly constitutes "like-minded” in this scenario. 

Jaune: "So who... what are you?"

Ouch. Though not an entirely unwarranted question when you’re suddenly dealing with the impossible. Ozpin says that he is the "combination of countless men" who have spent their lives trying to protect Remnant. The implication that he only reincarnates as a man aside (seems like a missed opportunity there), this seems like a pretty firm confirmation of the merging theory. The person we know as Ozpin might not entirely erase Oscar, but it certainly sounds like they won't remain completely separate people for forever. Indeed, Ozpin says straight out that at some point, "eventually," they'll “merge” and become the new Ozpin, a man who retains the memories of all his past lives. It’s all still horrendously murky, but honestly, if Oscar doesn't have at least a little bit of a freak out over this I'll be sorely disappointed.

We still don't know who or what Ozpin was originally. Was he just a man who took on too much, cursed by the gods for his failure or arrogance? Was he the wizard, one of the few capable of wielding magic in Remnant, thus making his survival (and the curse to ensure as much) a necessity? Ozpin isn't saying just yet. After assigning Qrow to find them more huntsmen he turns his sights on Team RNJR, telling them that they'll need to get into "fighting shape" before they can face Salem.

There is nothing that I don't love about this scene. Bringing back Ruby's lack of skill in hand-to-hand after Yang's character short spent so much time emphasizing it? Check. Implying that we'll finally unlock Jaune's semblance this Volume? Check. Ozpin confirming that outside the confines of his headmaster persona he's a happy, dramatic showoff?

Triple check.

All poor Oscar asked is that Ozpin not do anything embarrassing while he has control of their body and what does this man do? Act extra as fuck of course, performing a backflip onto the chair and spinning his cane far, far longer than he needs to. Nora is the only one unimpressed by this display, but I personally can't wait to see Ozpin training the kids. It should be especially interesting given his sudden loss of control--Oscar coming back unexpectedly and losing his balance, toppling them off the chair. Training is hard enough. Training while you're stuck in the body of a weak, undisciplined child... that's something else entirely.

The end of our episode takes us back to Weiss, still guarded by Raven's bandits. It's a moment of psychological torture, with her captor taunting Weiss with her own weapon and demonstrating that the one tool she has, information, is severely outdated. Ironwood has recalled all his troops from Mistral, including Winter. She's not around now to save her little sis’ like Weiss had hoped.

Which is hilarious, because in no world does Weiss Schnee need saving. Our last shot is of the miniature knight she's made out of a tiny glyph and her confident smile. Can't wait to see what she's planning to do with that.

Other Details of Note

I was incredibly nervous during the later half of Ghira's speech where he's just going, "We have ALL this INCRIMINATING evidence on this ONE SCROLL that I'm going to WAVE AROUND out here in the OPEN where anyone could EASILY STEAL or DESTROY IT..."

The faunus press all using their scrolls instead of cameras or old-fashioned pen and paper. It's a small but enjoyable bit of world-building.

The voice acting for Ozpin as Oscar was incredibly well done. Jury's still out on whether the echo is just a byproduct of his control or is somehow more meaningful. One theory currently says it's used whenever Ozpin says something that references all of his past lives, not just his last two.

Qrow immediately gets Ozpin coffee. Or hot chocolate. Whatever it is. He might be in the body of a 14yo, but you know as soon as he has control he needs a mug in his hands.

... Qrow then breaks the table and the mug. Hello, semblance. I'm looking forward to seeing more of that as the Volume goes on. Does the bad luck get worse the longer Qrow stays in one place? Is that why he's so eager to leave and recruit more huntsmen? What exactly are the rules here? No one has laid them out and (like silver eyes...) no one seems very interested. 

Oscar upon learning that he'll be training too: "Wait, what?"

And you've gotta love Nora. She went from thinking over how she could bribe her powerful, dignified headmaster ("No wait, he has a school") to flouncing about and calling him their "little cute boy Ozpin." I really hope she ignores his request and keeps calling him that indefinitely. It's very amusing.

[jbuffyangel]

Mid Life Crisis: Arrow 6x20 Review (Shifting Allegiances)

“Shifting Allegiances” is a step up from “The Dragon.” A small step, but a step none the less. I’m coping with back to back bad episodes by viewing them as the filler stepping stones to 6x21-6x23 that they are. Who’s with me?

We’ll make this short & hopefully painless. Let’s dig in…

Diggle and The Noobs

I will stop calling the Noobs the Noobs when they stop acting link dinkleheads. This is not that episode.  

Rene is back and it makes me sad because I did not miss him at all. Curtis and Dinah can say what they want, but it’s not a “hero’s welcome” when the hero tried to kill another hero with an axe.  

Annnd… then a bunch of stuff happens. Listen, I tried to pay attention. Really I did. I just couldn’t because I was so bored. 

The Noobs go up against The Quadrant, but all that matters is a Quadrant flunkie has a rocket launcher and it’s nifty. I have all the Buffy feels.

Rene has some form of PTSD and is now afraid to go into the field because he might die. I guess? Is this PTSD from Oliver kicking him in the chest? Listen up Hoss, you went all Jack Torrance on Oliver. 

Actually, I think Jack may have been more reasonable. There’s a very linear cause and effect line to draw. So, here’s some tips:

1.    Don’t swing an axe at Oliver.

2.    Then Oliver won’t kick you in the chest.

3.    Thus avoiding accidental near death experiences.

 Follow this simple three step process and you’ll be fine Rene. 

I don’t know why it didn’t occur to Rene before this that he could die in the field, but I can assure him it won’t be at Oliver’s hand – as long as Rene PUTS DOWN THE FUCKING AXE. I am a little bitter. I doubt that will be fading.

Diggle spends the majority of the episode saving the Noobs’ ass, so really nothing has changed by switching from Team Arrow to A.R.G.U.S. Can we please talk about that uniform? I’ve seen flight attendants with better uniforms than that. How is this “suit” any better than SPARTAN? For god sake Diggle, you switched from Kevlar leather to polyester. The fashion alone points to what a colossal error this is.

Diggle also apologizes to the Noobs. Just insert all my screaming about Felicity apologizing to Curtis in my 6x19 review here. 

Of course, the Noobs say absolutely NOTHING in return because they are the most petulant toddlers to ever exist. Where is Super Nanny when you need her?!!!

I don’t mind that Diggle and Felicity apologize. They are the bigger people. They always have been. This is not a shock or out of character. They were the bigger and better people weeks ago when they apologized with Oliver and tried to squash this beef.  OTA has always been on the high road.

However, I do mind that the Noobs haven’t apologized in return yet.  No one apologizes to John for messing with his chip and putting his life in danger. So, the Noobs can suck it. SO. MUCH. SUCK. IT.

There’s a significantly pregnant pause from Rene after John’s apology. It’s the perfect time to apologize and he just… doesn’t. Yet, this pause highlights how necessary it is for Rene to apologize even more and how awful it is he hasn’t. It feels intentional because the same thing happened with Curtis when Felicity apologized.

So, my only conclusion is the Noobs haven’t apologized yet because their spiral into toddlerdom is a 23-episode arc and they will remove head from ass by the finale. Or at least that’s my hope. 

The other possibility is the Arrow writers have forgotten how apologies work and someone will need to reintroduce them to the rules we all learned in kindergarten. The massive pregnant pause does offer a glimmer this is not the case though.

Diggle decides he’s going to trust the Noobs (the same people who messed with his chip and put his life in danger) more than Oliver Queen, his best friend and brother of six years. 

You know what? Imma gonna cut Diggle some slack because Diggle is not Diggle right now. This version of John Diggle is having a midlife crisis. 

His boy is all done and grow’d up.  This has sent John into a tailspin. He is asking the questions we all ask when we inevitably hit the midpoint of life. What is the meaning of all of this? What is my purpose? WHO AM I?

Has Oliver gone to Diggle for advice this season? I honestly can’t think of one time. In fact, Oliver has been giving Diggle advice. We’ve all had the major case of the wiggins from Oliver’s whole and healed routine. We’re more annoyed with John than Oliver right now. This season is just really unnerving.

Sure, Oliver finally married Felicity – something Diggle told him to do three years ago. So, John can chalk that up to Oliver finally doing what he’s told. But I bet John was banking on some colossal fuck ups parenting William, but Oliver went to FELICITY for that.

Diggle, as first wife, graciously steps aside for the second wife. Then, Oliver gives him the Green Arrow mantle and suddenly John has a new lease on life. The nagging question of “How am I needed?” is answered with a new purpose. Rather than raising the Green Arrow, Diggle will be the Green Arrow. But then Oliver asks for the hood back and Diggle is back to square one. Those questions come rushing back.

So I’m equating this break up with Team Arrow and his alliance with the Noobs to Diggle buying a sports car. At least he didn’t lose his mind completely and cheat on Lyla. Although, technically speaking Oliver is his second wife (Lyla is one and three), so we could make the argument that’s exactly what Diggle did in “Shifting Allegiances.”

Never mind Diggle still has a son to raise. Never mind he’s a crucial and integral member of Team Arrow as Spartan. Never mind Oliver Queen will always need John (even if he needs him in a different way now.) These are all details Diggle can’t see right now because he’s taking a big swig from the Crazy Jar. It happens to the best of us. My dad bought a really big boat. My mother bought a new house. I’m almost 37.  When I round 40 I’ll probably buy some obscenely expensive jewelry because sparkly things make me happy. We all cope with our inevitable and looming demise, and the meaning of life questions that come with it, differently. For Diggle, it’s breaking up with his bromance partner and wearing really bad polyester.

Oliver Queen

Oliver is still on his “I work alone” mantra. He tries to get Anatoly’s position back in the Bratva… I think? I am mostly annoyed Oliver went to Russia without Felicity and we were cheated yet again from a Russian rendezvous love scene.

Anatoly doesn’t want the Bratva anymore, which then begs the question then why is he still mad at Oliver? Nobody is really here for logic though right? Right.

When Anatoly asks about Oliver’s friends he responds

Source: @olivergifs​

See, this is what I love about Oliver Queen. John Diggle dumps him and life ceases to have meaning – friendship wise. What about Felicity or Lance? Hell, I’ll even toss in William! Nope. Oliver has no friends. Not without John.

Anatoly kidnaps Oliver and brings him to Diaz, except Oliver wants to get kidnapped so it’s not really kidnapping. Dragon agrees to leave Star City if Oliver can kick his ass. I am happy to report Arrow has not completely lost their damn mind. Oliver promptly kicks Dragon’s ass. However, Oliver is still a bowl full of rainbows and gives Ricardo the chance to yield before snapping his neck. Season 1 Oliver did have his good points.  Ricardo pulls a knife out and stabs Oliver. 

I can accept the only way Ricardo Diaz can win a fight with Oliver Queen is by cheating. What I cannot accept is Oliver “I was trained by Slade, Shado, Maseo, The Bratva and Ra's Al Ghul" Queen didn't see it coming.

Source: @olivergifs​

He did THANK GOD. The point was to show Anatoly which man has honor.  It’s Oliver.

Whatever. Oliver could prove the same point by drinking Diaz under the table with Russian vodka. It’d be a whole lot more fun and less messy. Well… more fun at least.

Source: @olivergifs​

Anyways, enough of the filler. Diaz decides to speed up Oliver’s court date and we’re off to the races. Literally, the only thing keeping me holding on during this episode is we will see THIS FACE next week.

Source:  the-scarlet-archer

Bl*ck S*ren

Arrow continually telling me Diaz is the biggest bad we've ever faced and is all the evil that evil can be every five minutes doesn't equate to the character actually BEING those things.

Bl*ck S*ren’s behavior towards Diaz shines a glaring light on this issue. BS is a meta human. She can scream until a person’s blood vessels pop. We’ve seen her do it several times. So all of this “Diaz is so cruel. He burned a man,” is a bunch of bullshit and really insulting to Bl*ck S*ren.

LL fans were ready to tear the writers apart when Felicity knocked BS on her ass with one punch. *excuse to use this gif again*

But DIAZ they are okay with? I have yet to see Diaz do anything that would put him in the same league as Merlyn, Slade, Ra’s Al Ghul, Damien Darhk and Prometheus. Honestly, what does it say about BS that she’s afraid of him? Nothing good my friends! If Diaz is Arrow’s lamest Big Bad then this fear shtick automatically makes BS even lamer than Diaz. That’s just maths.

Sadly, BS is the ball in the ping pong game between Diaz and Lance. Either Diaz is teaching her how to villain or Lance is teaching BS how to be low level human.  She can pretend she’s the toughest baddie in town, but BS basically sits around waiting for a man to tell her what to do. No thanks. I’d like to order a strong female character with a side of agency, please.

This is also the reason why her “redemption” is feeling unearned. BS flip flops back and forth so many times it’s hard to believe she’s truly invested in good or evil.  She’s just hitching her ride to the man who fits her mood.

I’ve probably said this before, but I would have preferred that the writers go balls to the wall with BS and make her the season’s Big Bad versus the season’s Big Bad’s girlfriend. It just feels like a lot of untapped potential. It’d be a hell of a lot more interesting for Team Arrow to fight with the woman wearing their friend’s face, but is intent on destroying the city. Rather than watch this substandard goon clunking around and BS kowtowing to him. THY NAME IS AGENCY.

At least Lance grew a pair for half a second this episode. More evidence he’s going to die. I guess we’re supposed to infer Bl*ck S*ren’s fear while Diaz pawed her like a kitty in front of Lance, but the whole scene is just off putting. The idea of these two people snogging gives me no joy, but I was never under the impression BS was banging this bag of dicks because she was scared of him. When did we get to sex under duress? I feel like we missed a step. Ugh. I’m trying to logic my way through this and there’s just no point. 

The one thing I can always count on in any version of L*urel L*nce’s character are the inconsistencies. I wear them like a warm blanket.

Stray Thoughts

Amell was really wearing that black coat.

The blood really brings out his eyes. Pretty. Source: @olivergifs

“Where in the ever loving fuck is Felicity?” – Me 15 minutes into the episode.

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 6x20 gifs credited.

[rodotio]

i want to write

every time i try to write, globs of pain squeeze out. like a tube of toothpaste on its last legs, i push the goop starting from the bottom, smoothing it in an upward fashion, making my way to the top. or the opening, whatever it might be.

how interesting to think whether peripherals such as top and bottom are applicable to a tube of toothpaste. i suppose it’s really not all that interesting, though it is a curious thing, the ways that constants are not a constant thing at all when we produce meaning in specific contexts. 

every time i try to write, i am never particularly moved, no see, i only write when i have time, and i only have time once everything from the day seems to dissipate and condense, calm down, and ghost around in another realm. it is never convenient to write, it is never easy to simply stop all i’m doing and let myself ride the waves of a whim. this scares me i think, the thought of making something again. i had been oh so convinced that the world needn’t hear more of my voice. i was ashamed and embarrassed for the mishaps i spotted before anyone could point them out, ashamed and embarrassed of all my shortcomings and lacks, the ways i fail to construct beautiful and eloquent sentences, the tangents i seem to fall into, only to ungracefully and abruptly pull myself out of. 

i think writing has been able to prove to me that i know nothing, that i am virtually nothing and also everything and there is no possible way to make any meaning of it but we try and try and oh god i fucking try so hard, i try to cram it into a fucking box and make the most pungent and unkempt meaning i can make! you better believe that all i create is sharp and serves a particular punch, has a specific edge, produces meaning in such a way that it demands and screams to be heard-and the reality is no ones cares much, and i begin to not care much. 

i think writing embarrassed me, i thought it was something i was good at, i thought my voice needed to be heard, dare i say i think my voice needs to be heard, or rather it has a particular wont to be recognized. oh the humiliation of existence! oh how humiliating, how bratty it is to exist and have desires, to plan and have goals, to daydream, oh this is the worst fucking sin of them all!! 

every time i try to write, globs of pain come out. i’m not quite sure how to tell a story anymore, nothing feels linear, nothing makes sense, there is too much too fast too soon always, as if the storage system that my mind employs has begun to shift into a cloud, no rhyme or reason or schema i once made sense of, no i see now that there is absolutely nothing and absolutely everything to make sense of! something new and uncertain.

oh it is painful to think of pain, oh it is even more painful to think of pain that i cause, and have caused. it is painful to think of writing, all that i have, and all that it has lent itself to. it paints a stark picture of my black and white reality. it paints a brilliant picture of my feeble little mind trying to make sense of the big fucking world that overwhelms me at every turn. there is some specific flavor, no signature, in my writing, a telling-card or whatever it’s called if you will. it demands to be attended to, it demands to be recognized. it demands to let you know that within it lies all the answers, within itself all responsibility is diverted, within itself all the weight of the world therein you can find! oh the resentment this builds, the task of carrying a world i claim to understand and can actually do nothing of the sort, the resentment this builds, carrying a world that begs me to put it down and take my head out of my mother fucking asshole. 

fuck fuck fuck! im so tired of trying to write, im so tired of being scared, im so tired of being so fucking tired. shit. what the fuck is wrong with me?

i have these ideas, albeit some born of grandeur, i talk myself out of each as soon as they enter, dismiss as soon as they are conceived. i write myself off before i can have the chance to embarrass myself anymore than i already have. i used to not mind the embarrassment. i used to love to laugh and learn and correct and misstep and overstep and do it all over again. i used to love to fall to the ground, brush against the grass and get a mouthful of fucking dirt crammed between my jaws. and get red, oh so red, my face paints in a manner similar to that which my words can be observed doing; it hides absolutely nothing. oh so red, so fucking red and flushed and heated, hotter than i have ever felt in my life. and then i cool down, and then i spit it out-the dirt and the grass and the earth, and then i am calm, and then i observe, and then i continue to learn and laugh and love; oh god i miss fucking loving in the ways i used to. is this gone forever? am i so far removed from my child self. why do i want to go back? why do i want to regress. everyone keeps telling me to grow up, it’s the only sensible thing, grow the fuck up you selfish little fucking prick faggot. grow up.

oh god i don’t want to grow up. i want to stop and pause and smell the stupid damn flowers i can barely smell because my allergies are so fucking bad all the time and i so often forget to take my medicine. i want to cry and laugh and let the world flow through me once more. i think i knew more about things then, than i can even muster enough pretenses to mask that of which i do not know now. and yet. i don’t know. the stream stopped. i think i am done writing for now. 

or am i? i supposedly know that knowing absolutely nothing is indicative that i know more than i might imagine, isn’t that the way it works? we humble ourselves before the world because we understand it all, or something. we understand the ease and uneasiness of life. i’m just waiting for the rest of me to follow suit. i am waiting waiting waiting to be able to write. i think i’ll wait so long as to be on my bed of death and proclaim that i will wait a bit more.

oh look at these jumbled messes, look at the beauty of nonsense and meaningless spouts. look look look! listen perceive conceive. i am tired of denying myself a sense of self. where can i find one that does not belittle the selves of others? because that is all i was taught, and i fear further embarrassment of trying to start anew.

[damn-stevens]

Legion S2: Life in Binary and the Long Con

Continuing from my last post about 2x07. Let’s talk Big Bads and bullshit, people.

2x01 is really important to this season. A lot happens in it that doesn’t make sense until you’ve watched several episodes. There's STILL a ton of strange little hints in the first episode that probably won't be clear until the very end, but I think the last scene holds something of interest at this moment, right after the end of 2x07. Listen to the end of "White Rabbit". I’ve been wondering about it ever since I first saw it. 

OMG. Riiiight? The voice always sounded a bit like Ptonomy to me, and it keeps saying, “Ten...one...one...one...ten...” etc, which made me think of binary the first time I heard it. There’s many binaries in this show: red and green, David and Farouk, “bad” and “good”, past and future, Cary and Kerry, “David 1″ and “David 2″, the list goes on and on. But is living life from the point of view of duality actually helpful to the characters on this show?

So we know that David appeared in a mini forest on top of a tall building sometime before he turned up at the Club, sitting alone in a chair. My guess is that the “forest” is a mental version of the Mainframe referred to by Fukyama/the Vermillion and David-in-the-orb is going to be dropped there sometime soon in what we might as well refer to as the “present day”. He’ll have a very important conversation with Ptonomy there, which will probably (?) then lead him back to the Club where he’ll battle with Oliver and a new version of “Lenmy” who will come into being in the next few episodes.

Wait, what? Well...

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually — from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint — it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff.

- The Tenth Doctor, Doctor Who, “Don’t Blink”

So what I’m saying is that while I’ve always believed this was a timey-wimey season, my current hypothesis is that up til now I was thinking it was timey-wimey in the wrong direction. We assumed that David’s memories of what happened after he entered the orb were in the past, but in actuality, they haven’t happened just yet. 

I assume this because of the way the roof-forest resembles the Mainframe and the binary code being said in Ptonomy’s voice in David’s memories. Also concerning the “Lemny” theory: there are two scenes in which Lenny doesn’t look quite like herself in 2x01. There’s the delusion chick hatching scene, in which she picks it up and kisses it after killing the “healthy” idea. Her hair is curly and auburn like Amy’s, if slightly shorter. She’s also wearing a very sweet and adorable, Amy-style dress. The only thing about her that resembles original Lenny is that her eyes are brown. Then in the Club dance fight scene, her hair is in a short bob, but still looks slightly auburn even in the odd lighting of the Club. It’s also full like Amy’s but not overly curly like Lenny’s black hair would be. Again her eyes are brown. The last time we see this version of “Lemny”, David remembers her approaching him to give him a kiss, which could mean anything, but is probably (?) a sign of sibling affection.

Something else: the whys and hows I don’t know yet, but the longer this season goes on, the more I’m sure David is being played. He’s been manipulated by somebody who knows things they aren’t telling him, someone who’s a talented liar. And in typical Legion fashion, this person isn’t Farouk, because that’s just who you’d expect. No, the liar is clearly Syd.

But hey, what about Future Syd and her prophecy of doom? Who IS Future Syd, really? Well, she’s Present Syd, I think. Remember how Syd was practicing switching places with a cat early in the season? Now at the end of 2x07, Future Syd looks into a very familiar-looking neon ring at an image of Present Syd, who’s sitting in her room. But actually, there is no Future Syd, just an extra Vermillion that Present Syd found lying around and put her own face on (!) She probably initially wanted to use it to touch David in the real world when he returned home, but now instead she’s used it to trick him into helping Farouk find his body (I dunno why yet, but there’s a lot about what happened to her in the past year that I believe we don’t know yet). While the actual Syd pretends to be herself from the future in a Vermillion body, the computer mind of the Vermillion just sits around in Present Syd’s body...vermillioning.

David is being lied to, probably only by Syd because she knows/believes something about him that she’s not telling anyone else. I feel like she learned something scary about him during the last year, and she sees this trickery as the only solution to the potential dangers of the future. Maybe she’s trying to save him from Clark, or maybe she’s trying to save the world from him, or maybe both. But she wants him involved this hunt for Farouk’s body, which may or may not be a wild good chase. It might just be a distraction, like Lemny’s delusion chicks.

Uh, ok...that’s confusing enough, but who is the “big bad” of the season then? Tbh I don't think there's any actual villain in this season. It's more about bad feelings created by secrets, lies, and deceptions ending up in bad results; feelings like fear, mistrust, betrayal, and rage. I'd keep my eyes on Clark, Syd, Lenny, Melanie, and Oliver to see what they do. David and Farouk are involved but are more of a cause than the effect, I believe. 

We're a superstitious animal, always turning the weather into acts of God. Like, probably, the Devil was just some guy named Lucifer who beat up kids for their Lunchables, and then a few hundred years later...

- Clark, Legion 2x01

Clark’s little speech sounds like it’s pointing at heart of this season: the power of assumption, fear, and utter bullshit. I think David and Farouk create an abundance of all these things between the two of them. Farouk is the true, seasoned con artist of the two because aside from his little mind-fuck games I don’t think he has any power of his own, but David is almost worse because he appears to be conning himself in order not to face ugly truths. 

Now we’ll just have to wait to see how much of what I just wrote is bullshit after 2x08 airs.

[tigerlilynoh]

My Approach to Writing

Every since getting ~350,000 words into Job & Family (my longest Supernatural fanfic), I’ve had a few conversations with people about my techniques and tips for writing.  I recently told another person that I’d share this info with them, but I decided to just post it publicly, on the off chance it’s helpful for anyone else.  

I’m by no means an expert and I’m sure I’m forgetting stuff, but this is my general approach and I credit its methodology with why I haven’t yet had writer’s block.

Non-Linear Writing

I don’t write linearly.  Instead I try to work as much of the story as I can at the same time.  I will try to write content for multiple chapters at once dividing my time 80% to the upcoming chapter and 20% to later content (usually the 2-3 chapters after the upcoming one and/or major events much later in the plot). I do this for three reasons:

It’s easier to avoid writing myself into corners by seeing the logical fallout of a chapter while I’m working on it.

If the upcoming chapter is particularly angsty/violent/etc and I need a mental break, then I can switch away from it yet still be productive.

It helps reduce the workload toward the end of the story. I’d been writing the last four chapters of J&F for over six months by the time those chapters were posted. The fact that they were already significantly written made it less overwhelming to end the story.

On another level of non-linear writing, I will often work on scenes until they are ~90% done, then rearrange their order to form a chapter or multiple chapters. I never write a chapter from front to back.

Also, by jumping around in your writing it turns the writing process into more of a game.  You have points A, C, & E with certain restrictions based on the characters’ natures, themes, etc.  Then all you have to do is solve for points B & D.  I know, easier said than done, but a little structure can make things easier than freeform creativity.

Outlining & Organizing

I outline/organize like a crazy person. Outlines are fucking magic because they make complex stories simple for you to understand and show you all the places where you can tinker. Some of the types of outlines/organizational tools I’ve used are:

Overall plot outline - I definitely recommend this because it’s your roadmap

Fight/smut outlines - if you hate or are scared of writing fights or sex scenes, try outlining the action, then filling it in with the texture.  It makes the process more manageable.

Character arc outlines - against the overall plot outline, mark the major points in a character’s personal struggle/growth. I had one of these for Sam, Dean, Ruby and others in J&F, which helped me make sure a character didn’t languish in their development.

Character prevalence outline - against the overall plot outline, mark which characters are actually in the scenes and to what extent (major, minor, only referenced). I like to assign colors to each character so it’s easy to spot if Bobby is missing for like ten chapters for no good reason.

Scene type outline - against the overall plot outline, mark what types of scenes you’re including. My go to categories are: Fights, Sex, Fluff, Background exposition (backward looking), Tactical planning (forward looking), Internal angst, & Interpersonal.  Again I organize by color for quick reference. By tracking these you’ll see if you’ve maybe gotten super angsty and your readers or characters might need an emotional break, etc.

Distinguishing characteristics table - if you have a lot of characters to keep track of, create a table for their characteristics. Include things like: Strengths, weaknesses, fighting style, fighting weight class, sexual orientation, habits, speech patterns, thing they’ll refuse to do, etc. This’ll help you maybe characters who are otherwise very similar unique.

Knowledge In/Out table - for really complicated plot points I’ll make a table that organizes per scene/chapter all the requisite knowledge the characters must have going into the scene and all the new knowledge (that is necessary for a future plot point) that the character must gain. This is helpful for organizing your foreshadowing.

Timeline vs Outline - if you’re presenting content in a non-chronological fashion, I can’t stress enough the importance of having a timeline of events as distinct from your plot outline.

My basic routine for writing content

Write some basic dialogue - This creates a skeleton for the scene and it reminds you what the hell is happening if you’re bouncing around.

Insert minimal descriptions of actions like “he said”

Write some short paragraphs giving insight into the characters’ thoughts, feelings, motivations.

Add major physical events like the basic structure of a fight, sex scene, or if you really need for character A to end up holding object B.

Add more actions that bridge the gap between dialogue and/or major events.

Write more dialogue that addresses the details of the actions you’ve just created.

Add physical description/setting (I expect most people do this earlier).

Read through what you’ve got so far asking yourself questions like: 

Are the characters acting in character? 

Are the characters acting rationally? 

Are the characters acting in a way that reflects the emotional trauma that they’re going through? 

Am I writing myself into a corner? 

Do I know how I could resolve the conflict that exists in this part of the story?

Do all of the scenes serve a purpose?

Before you start finalizing a scene, ask yourself if you’ve made the content unrealistic in your attempt to make the story easier on yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I rewrote large pieces of story because I was nearly done with a section and thought “But in real life people aren’t this lucky.”

Reread your work in whatever order you want while asking the who, what, where, why, how. And add bits as needed to answer those questions.

Skim the text looking for *** (see below for tip) that need replacing and areas that need segues.

Read through from beginning to end looking for continuity problems and subjects that need more elaboration.

Proofread/final pass.

General Tips

If you’re in the middle of writing and you can’t think of the next sentence, witty retort, paragraph, or how to end the section, just type *** and keep moving. Don’t let yourself get bogged down. That’s a sure fire way to get frustrated and discouraged. Later on you can tackle it with fresh eyes.

You can use coincidences to get your characters into trouble, but try like hell to avoid using coincidences to get them out of trouble. Laziness is only forgivable a few times, so use it wisely.

Know where you’re going, but stay flexible on how you get there. For example, as you write your story you’ll become more and more familiar with your characters and after awhile you might realize that something you’d been planning doesn’t make sense for them anymore. Don’t panic and don’t let your character just waltz into an OOC moment. Take a little time to figure out how to sufficiently motivate your character back on track towards your goal.

Pick themes/philosophical questions and remind yourself of them throughout the writing process. A few major themes for J&F were: What does it mean to be good? How do you balance responsibilities? Learning to accept oneself.

Make music playlists for specific characters, pairings, settings, events (like fight scenes). That way you have a quick way to get yourself back into a particular mood/mindset. I had ~20 playlists that I listened to while writing J&F in order to make it easier to write so many different characters and scenarios.

Draw from your experience. Even if you haven’t fought monsters, you’ve probably experienced many of the feelings/emotions that the character is feeling (fear, helplessness, determination, uncertainty, etc)

Rules and systems exist to make things easier, but you don’t always need to follow them. Sometimes you just need to throw balance out the window and hit the readers with an unrelenting string of angst.  

Lastly, sometimes fuck ups happen. I miss steps or overlook things all the time. But the nice thing is that your readers probably aren’t going to notice. Just roll with the punches and keep at it.

Hope this is helpful. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about writing, supernatural, or pretty much anything.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior Home and Quibi Edition July 17, 2020: WE ARE FREESTYLE LOVE SUPREME, DIRT MUSIC, THE PAINTED BIRD and More!

Apologies for being a day late with this week’s column... things came up. 

Since this is a relatively quieter week, at least compared to last week,  I want to talk about something that’s been getting a lot of ridicule and unwarranted hatred in recent months, and that is something called Quibi, and so…

IN PRAISE OF QUIBI

You know, I’ve heard a lot of shit-talking about Quibi for one reason or another.  I think it’s mostly the “too cool for school” #FilmTwitter kids, who haven’t even bothered to watch half the programming and content on the streaming platform – which has absolutely nothing to do with movies, mind you -- so they honestly have no fucking idea what they’re talking about. Sure, I understand the trepidation… short programs that you watch on your phone? Why would anyone get behind that? I mean, everything needs to be a 3 ½ hour Martin Scorsese movie that needs to be seen on the biggest screen possible, right?

Well, no. You see, CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg saw how successful YouTube was with their model – maybe not necessarily their original programming – and he figured he could do them one better. Instead of following the normal TV model of 22 to 60 minutes episodes, he decided to make every episode under 10 minutes. Maybe this seems weird to many people but if you watch any commercial network television, that’s actually the norm. All programs are broken up into smaller increments to allow for the commercials, and the smart shows time those breaks with mini-cliffhangers that makes the viewer want to return after the commercial break rather than switching the station. For the comedies and dramas, it just means you can watch as many episodes as you want without investing the hours involved with binging most shows. You can watch a lot of a series in an hour or more, and you’ll know right away if it’s for you. (There are some I really didn’t like at all such as Dummy and a few others.)

The big problem is that we really shouldn’t be looking at Quibi as an attempted competitor to Netflix, Hulu or any of the other streaming services. Quibi isn’t meant to be for watching movies or to be watched on the biggest screen possible. It’s quick, short bytes of entertainment similar to what you might normally watch on YouTube, but with actual programming. It’s a service geared towards people who don’t have 8 hours a day to binge-watch shows and maybe just want something to watch on a 5 or 10-minute break from sitting at their computers working. (That’s another good reason why having to be viewed on a phone/tablet makes it a good way to take a break from the computer.)

I totally understand some of the trepidation based on the early programming, because I haven’t found much in the narrative realm that has jumped out at me. I like Will Forge and Caitlyn Olsen’s Flipped, since it stars two of the funniest people on television, and the second story on Sam Raimi’s United States of Horror was far better than the first one. I also found a great guilty pleasure in shows like Chrissy’s Court and Dishmantled, each which put a spin on favorite TV genres, the court and cooking shows, both which are hilarious. I binged both of those series, which are about 10 to 12 episodes in a little over an hour, and Reno 911 and Jason Reitman’s The Princess Bride adaptation have been some great recent additions to the service.

The reason why you should be watching Quibi is for the daily programming, which is every bit on par with anything currently on television, mainly because Quibi has joined forces with some of the best news sources and content creators. For instance, the BBC show, Around the World with host Ben Bland, takes all of the great news from the BBC and puts together a daily six-minute “montage” of the most important news from outside the United States. There’s also NBC’s The Report, which offers two episodes on weekdays – the Morning and Evening Report – and two Weekend Reports, and it’s solid news reporting but also nothing that outlasts its welcome like the normal 24-hour news.

Then there’s so much other great programming, including Answered by Vox with host Cleo Abram, where you can learn about so many relevant and timely topics, and it’s become a particularly beneficial during the COVID pandemic. I have to admit that when I first started watching this, I was kind of amused by Abram’s twitchy interviews where she seemed unsure of herself, but over the course of the last couple months, her bubbly personality has really come out, as she’s tackled topics of special interest to herself. Quibi has rightfully been promoting the heck out of the show by advertising it on other shows. I also am impressed by the topics Shan Boodram covers on Sexology, an extremely candid and honest discussion of what some might consider taboo topics.

Similarly wonderful to watch every day is EW’s Last Night Late Night with Heather Gardner, which sums up the previous night’s late night shows – the best jokes, the best bits from the interviews, performances etc. – and there’s also Rotten Tomatoes’ Fresh Daily with Maude Garrett, which gives you a look at the best things to watch on streaming and digital on a day-to-day basis. (For full transparency, a person I greatly respect and one of the few I genuinely like in the industry, Mr. Simon Thompson, writes and produces the show.)  Video game fans may enjoy Polygon’s Speed Run, although it recently changed format and is now three days a week, rather than five, and each episode is now on one subject rather than the segment format previously used. I hope this isn’t a sign of Quibi or these companies trying to save costs because there’s some nervous about the platform lasting.  

Personally, I love Quibi, and I didn’t even hesitate for a second to shell out the $5.30 a month (including tax), mainly for the daily programming. Honestly, I really hope that we’ll get more of Chrissy’s Court and Dishmantled, and I hope to eventually get to some of the shows I haven’t watched, as well. (I’ve had a few issues with streaming and buffering in the last week, which I hope Quibi will resolve, because it’s very frustrating to sit down for my daily watches and just get the spinning ball repeatedly.)

Anyway, let’s get to the movies… and is it possible that Hulu may be receiving the coveted “Featured Flick” two weeks in a row? Certainly looks like it. If you’re trying to figure out what to watch after watching Hamilton on Disney+ for the 20th time, how about going back to the very beginning?

Andrew Fried’s doc WE ARE FREESTYLE LOVE SUPREME (Hulu) looks back at how Wesleyan alum Thomas Kail and Anthony Veneziale put together the group of improvisational performers that would include one Lin-Manuel Miranda. I was lucky enough to know about Freestyle Love Supreme way back when they were starting out, since a good friend of mine managed the East Village club, Mo Pitkins, where the group frequently performed. I knew pretty early on how much talent Miranda had from seeing him perform. Make no mistake that this is not a movie only about Miranda, as it’s as much or more about Kail and Venziale’s efforts to keep the group’s shows happening while Miranda is pulled away to do In the Heights on Broadway, and then ultimately doing his magnum opus, Hamilton.  

For some reason, I thought this doc would mainly be about the idea of bringing Freestyle Love Supreme back for its limited stint on Broadway, but it goes all the way back to the beginning and how they met and came together, plus how they found new members to fill in for Miranda and Christopher Jackson when they went to Broadway.  Freestyle Love Supreme is a pretty amazing group because as the name implies, they’re a bunch of freestyle rappers who improvise every show based on things they get from the audience, but it also allows them to explore their own personal lives and histories and incorporate them into each show. I’m actually a little bummed I never got a chance to see it even though I’ve known about them since the early ‘00s. This doc might feel a little long even at under 90 minutes, but it’s worth sticking with since they’re such an interesting group and the combination of performances and interviews makes it a fine doc about these amazingly talented individuals and how the sum is bigger than the whole of the parts.

Another long-gestating project that has finally seen the light of day is the romantic drama DIRT MUSIC (Samuel Goldwyn), based on Tim Winton’s popular Australian novel that people have been trying to adapt since back when Heath Ledger was still alive. I believe Russell Crowe had been trying to adapt it, too. It stars Kelly Macdonald, who I’ve loved since her first appearance in Trainspotting and who I’m always hoping will find some of those great roles we see other actors her age getting. (Sorry, but Puzzle just wasn’t one of them.)  In Dirt Music, she plays Georgie, a woman living with fisherman Jim Buckridge (David Wenham), a widowed father with two sons, although they’re not married. When Georgie begins a relationship with troubled local musician Lu Fox (Garrett Hedlund), it causes problems within the tight-knit community, but instead of getting into a confrontation with Jim, Lu runs off.

I actually quite enjoyed this drama, partially because it marks the return of Gregor Jordan, an Australian filmmaker who has quite a few decent movies under his belt, including an earlier Ned Kelly movie. It is a little hard to figure out what is happening, partially from the accents but also from the decision to tell the story in a non-linear fashion that isn’t always apparent where each of the characters are in the story. Obviously, a major thing to pay attention to is how great Macdonald and Hedlund are in their roles in this possibly unlikely romance. You can totally see Ledger in the role of Lu, and the fact that Hedlund is so good should help you appreciate him more as an actor. Macdonald also still has this youthful energy despite being in her ‘40s, and that gives their relationship something akin to her relationship with McGregor in Trainspotting.

What really captured my attention was the gorgeous music by the Fox family, and I was even more  impressed to learn that the actors – Julia Stone, George Mason, Neill Maccoll, and yes, Garrett Hedlund – all performed their own vocals in the songs, which includes a gorgeous version of Tim Buckley’s “Song of the Siren” (famously covered by This Mortal Coil). Frankly, I’m most surprised by the fact that Hedlund had musical talent I never knew about, and you can combine that with the emotion he brings to Lu with very few words, and you have another example of why Hedlund just isn’t getting the credit as an actor he deserves. I really liked the way this story was unfolded and where it ended, and I hope we’ll see more great work like this from Jordan.

I was a little more tentative about Wetlands director David Wnendt’s THE SUNLIT NIGHT (Quiver Distribution), which was adapted by Rebecca Dinerstein from her own novel, but not only because it premiered at Sundance way back in early 2019. If you’ve been reading the past few months of columns, you’ll know that there are a lot of recurring themes of movies that play at Sundance, and this one stars Jenny Slate, who had such an impact at Sundance with the movie Obvious Child, which I really didn’t like.  Yeah, I’m not really a fan, even though I like her in smaller roles like her role in Gifted a few years back. In this one, Slate plays Frances, a New York artist, whose parents are about to break up and looking for a change, she accepts an internship with an artist in Northern Norway where the day lasts for months.  It’s a pretty obvious “fish-out-of-water” comedy premise like one we may normally see at Sundance, but it never really delivers on  

Probably my favorite part of the movie was seeing David Paymer as France’s father, mainly because we just don’t see Paymer in many movies these days, but Zack Galifianakis’ character, one of the Norwegians who has an affinity for Vikings, just doesn’t add very much to the story. While I liked the set-up for the movie and Slate is generally likeable in the lead role, the movie just isn’t funny enough to be deemed a comedy nor enough drama to have much of an emotional impact, and the romance between Slate and a local didn’t do much for me either. By the end of the movie, Sunlit Night had veered too far into the most obvious indie territory, so it ultimately fell short for me. I just wish Dinerstein had more (or anything) to say with this story, and I feel like Wnendt and his cast probably did the best they could with what they had to work with.

A movie that’s finally being released after playing a number of festivals last year is the Czech Republic’s 2019 Oscar selection, Václav Marhoul’s THE PAINTED BIRD (IFC Films), based on Jerzy Kosinski’s novel about a young Jewish boy navigating the landscape of WWII-era Eastern Europe all on his own, ending up in one horrifying situation after another.

While this is a beautifully-told story featuring equally beautiful and quite stark black and white cinematography, I can’t wholly recommend it to everyone, because that beautiful camerawork is used to depict some of the most horrible depravity and violence, all experienced by this young boy who just can’t seem to catch a break.

There is very little dialogue in a film that takes an episodic approach to following this young boy’s journey as he either watches horrifying things or is put through grueling torture and even rape as he’s handed and bartered from one adult to another. The “painted bird” of the title is a literal bird that’s painted to attract other birds that attack it, and it’s clearly meant as an analogy for the boy.

If you’ve watched any Czech films over the years, you’ll know that they’re generally pretty grim (they’re a grim people), and you’ll probably know fairly soon whether you want to sit through the entire 2 ¾ running time to see how this boy fares with everything he faces. (Note: A big deal has been made about some of the more horrifying violence in the movie, but honestly? Being in black and white, it isn’t that gory, and I’ve seen far, far worse. A lot of the worst of it is off-screen and your mind tends to fill in the blanks much like last year’s The Nightingale.)

Barely saying a single word, Petr Kotlár is able to carry the film, and it’s interesting when more familiar actors like Udo Kier, Harvey Keitel, Stellan Skarsgaard, and Barry Pepper are brought into this world Marhoul has created from Kosinski’s book. Like so many other movies right now, it’s a shame this won’t be seen on the big screen where you’re forced to really focus on what you’re watching without distractions.  

The Butterfly Effect writer/director Eric Bress’s latest horror film is GHOSTS OF WAR (Vertical) about a group of American soldiers -- including Brenton Thwaites, Sklar Astin and Theo Rossi -- who travelling across France during WWII when they come upon a French Chateau where they decide to hole up. That is, until they learn there’s a supernatural enemy that may be worse than the Nazis they’re hiding from.  

The premise for Bress’ latest venture into the supernatural is a fairly simple one, and it’s hard not to watch this movie and not think of the far superior Overlord from a few years back. As soon as the soldiers get to the estate, it’s pretty obvious (mainly from the title) where things are going to go from there, and unfortunately, the bland casting doesn’t do very much to elevate that simple premise, the weak writing, and none of it feels particularly scary.  If that general premise doesn’t seem very interesting to you, then Ghosts of War introduces a pretty out-there last act twist that’s either gonna be praised for changing things up or it will be condemned for being so out there. The problem is that the movie just hasn’t built enough good will to earn its twist, and viewers will probably just be even more annoyed by it.

Ghosts of War will be available On Demand, via Virtual Cinema Screenings and digitally after being on DirecTV for the past few weeks.

Down at New York’s Film Forum, you can rent Elizabeth Coffman and Mark doc Flannery (Film Forum), winner of the Library of Congress Lavine/Ken Burns Prize with its look at author Flannery O’Connor. The repertoryVirtual Cinema adds Jean-Luc Godard’s Made in the U.S.A. (1966) and Carl Theodor Dreyer’s Michael (1924), the latter part of the Forum’s “Pioneers of Queer Cinema” program.

Starting on Film at Lincoln Center’s Virtual Cinema this Friday is Koji Fukada’s Mayak (Andreevsky Flah Film Company/Anniko Films), while FilmLinc is also starting its annual Dance on Camera Festival, the 48th edition, although this time virtually.

Available via Film Movement’s Virtual Cinema is Emily Harris’ adaption of Joseph Sheridan le Fanu’s Gothic vampire novella, Carmilla, starring Hannah Rae as 15-year-old Lara who lives in isolation on her family’s country estate with her strict governess Miss Fontaine (Jessica Raine) until a carriage crash brings a mysterious girl into their lives.

Now we’re getting to more movies that I just didn’t find the time to see even though I had screeners for a couple of them, like the latest in Hulu’s popular monthly horror series, INTO THE DARK:  THE CURRENT OCCUPANT, which will hit the streamer this Friday. It’s directed by Julius Ramsay and written by D.C. speech writer Alston Ramsay, taking place in a psychiatric ward where a man trapped with no memory, played by Barry Watson, believes that he’s the President of the United States and the subject of a political conspiracy. No, it’s not a documentary.

Over on Netflix, there’s Catrin Einhorn and Leslye Davis’ doc Father Soldier Son, which follows a former platoon sergeant and his two sons over a decade after his return home from a serious injury in Afghanistan, showing the long-term effects of military service on a family.

Dan Wingate’s doc Kaye Ballard - The Show Goes On (Abramorama) will get a Virtual Cinema release this Friday. I actually am not familiar with the actress, singer and comedian but apparently, she’s had a career that has spanned eight decades, starting in the 40s, and her friends include Ann-Margret, Carol Burtnett, Carol Channing, my good pal Red Reed and more, all of whom are interviewed, along with Ballard.

Also out on Digital this week is Steve Ohi’s sci-fi horror comedy Useless Humans (Quiver Distribution) about a ruthless alien who crashes a 30th birthday party causing four friends to team up to save the world. Will Addison’s Easy Does It (Gravitas Ventures), stars Linda Hamilton, as well as Ben Matheny and Martin Martinez, the latter two as friends who want to escape their Mississippi hometown when they learn there’s a cache of hidden loot in California. Hamilton plays their hometown criminal matriarch “King George” who learns of the money and has her bounty hunter daughter (Susan Gordon) chase the friends down.

On Friday, New York’s Japan Society will kick off its annual “Japan Cuts” program of new and repertory Japanese cinema, and like most other festivals and series this year, it’s going on line, beginning with Shinichiro Ueda’s Special Actors (the Opening Night film), Fukushima 50 (the Centerpiece) and Labyrinth of Cinema, for $7.00 each, which is a pretty good deal. (There’s also a new competitive section called “Next Generation” which focuses on new Japanese talent.) And then for $99, you can get an all access pass to watch all 42 films in the festival, which includes a lot of movies you may never have a chance to see in the States otherwise. You can watch a playlist of trailers from the movies here. All 42 films will be available starting this Friday, so make sure to include this in your weekend plans.

In related news, the New York Asian Film Festival (which cancelled this year altogether) and the Korean Culture Center of New York are teaming once again for Korean Movie Night, this year doing them virtually with a new program called “A League Of Its Own,” which focuse on Hit Korean Baseball Movies, plus there’s a bunch of other Korean films you can watch (FOR FREE!) here until July 25.

Also, if you’re anywhere near some of the drive-ins taking part in Amazon’s summer movie program, you can catch “Movies To Make You Proud” Black Panther and Creed on Wednesday night.

Next week, more movies mostly not in theaters!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[miss-m-calling]

Juletide 2020 letter

Dear writer,

Hello and thank you for writing for me. I’m very excited to read whatever you come up with.

Without further ado…

Starred Up

Oliver Baumer, Eric Love

Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!

Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development – but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot. But. I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and Oliver the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence (what was he on about with “I need to be here”?), slightly older counselor. They had me at Oliver’s “I want him” and Eric later telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Love Sr. Also the not-flirting and the push-pull in the scene when Oliver picks up Eric from his cell - yowza!

For this canon, my dubcon DNW does not apply.

Prompts:

-I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line, as it’s implied that Eric will be serving a long sentence. Give me more scenes from anger management or the ribald, honest, free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (I liked Hassan and Tyrone especially, among the group members) or a one-on-one session.

-An oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there, even if they don’t know what to do with it. Or, one or both of them knows exactly what to do with it, and the push-pull that would result from that.

-Dirty talk: used for arousal, as a defense mechanism, as a form of flirtation. Eric using slurs to assert dominance, and Oliver not letting him hide behind profanity, when he can use colorful language to express emotion and/or sexual interest. There could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity.

-An emergency in the prison requires a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Things get porny and/or emotional.

-Eric is eventually released (you can handwave this so it happens soon after the movie or have it happen years later) and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts to the outside world. You guessed it: things get porny and/or emotional.

-How do they get to the point where both can cross that line from friends/whatever the hell they are and become, to lovers? (There’s Eric’s personal history and general discomfort with vulnerability, plus all the ways prison sex can be or make things complicated, and if it helps, I headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi and at least somewhat closeted, at work especially.) Who initiates and “directs traffic”? How does their always-contentious dynamic shift during and after sex? Is the sex an isolated (series of) occasion(s), or a progression/escalation over multiple encounters (how would I love especially an escalating series of encounters, let me count the ways)? Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner as well as using the possibility of sex to manipulate and exert control, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself as well as aware of his custodial duty toward the men in the group.

-At some point in their intimate relationship (probably not right at the start, and probably not in prison, though if you can make it happen in prison, more power to you!), Oliver decides he’s going to take his sweet time and make Eric fall absolutely apart with pleasure, while using dirty talk to both arouse and empower Eric to own his desires – by that point, Eric is in a place where he can let that happen and enjoy it, even if he still talks tough.

-Role reversal: Oliver as the con (jittery, shut off, sticking out like a sore thumb in prison with all his fancy learning, yet no pushover) and Eric as the newbie counselor (kid from the wrong side of the tracks made good? Youthful hoodlum turned around his life, now trying to help others via tough love and lots of swearing and maybe a bit of manipulation when called for?)

  Witchblade (TV) Sara Pezzini, Danny Woo

I used to love this show back in the day, and loved it again in all its hokey gloriousness when I rewatched it recently. Sara figuring things out and being a principled badass, but maybe out of her depth with the Witchblade, and her dynamic with Danny, whether he's a ghost or alive, it’s all catnip to me. Sara is not extremely quippy, she has a job to do dammit! and don’t look at her vulnerable side, just don’t look at it!, and I love that about her (she’s much harsher in S1, after Danny’s death, than in S2); ditto that Danny is somewhat softer than she is, but still can hold his own thanksverymuch (well, when the plot doesn’t require him to get nabbed by bad guys) and has a bit of a deadpan snarker side too. I’d love something that plays around with their canon dynamic from either season, or uses canon as just a starting point. Some of my prompts lean dark or horror-y, so don’t be shy about going there; I’d also enjoy a story in which the Witchblade itself ends up not being very significant (say, they start to investigate a possibly mystical case and then nope, plain murder). Canon-specific DNW: Irons and any version of Nottingham appearing (you can mention them if you need to).

Prompts:

-The Witchblade is more parasitic than symbiotic, and instead of Sara learning to control it, its feeding on Sara affects her more and more over time. Or, the visions and dreams ramp up into full-blown paranoia and/or disassociation. The Witchblade's POV, maybe (it is sentient)? Asking for help is the hardest thing for someone like Sara, but what are (more than) friends for? I’d also enjoy a dubcon scenario (exception to blanket DNW) where Sara really shouldn’t be having sex when her head is all messed up by the Witchblade’s influence, but… well… they do. The Witchblade canonically enjoys violence and bloodshed perpetrated by its wearers, so it stands to reason that it might lower other inhibitions too.

-Witchblade v. mythological monsters. In S1, even with everything else that's going on, Sara absolutely scoffs at the possibility of vampires. So of course I want: Witchblade v. vampires! The scarier and more feral, the better. Or, it's implied that the Witchblade was forged from a meteorite, so it's basically an eldritch artefact from outer space. Yes, please lean all the way into the Lovecraftian tropes! (The moon is turning red, the Old Ones are back, it’s the end of the world as we know it, but Sara’s got her partner by her side.) Or something from Chinese mythology, so Danny can kick extra ass. Or, for a silly take on Chinese culture: Sara and Danny in the world of Big Trouble in Little China (another old fave of mine, the entire plot of which revolves around… a woman with green eyes and an unwanted connection to the supernatural).

-The Witchblade has a reputation for abandoning its wearers just when they need it the most. True to form, it slips off of Sara’s fist, leaving her and Danny to save themselves with good old-fashioned guns, fisticuffs, martial arts, and of course having each other’s back.

-More of the psychedelic-ness in many of Sara’s fight scenes, where now she’s a woman in a leather jacket with a gauntlet on her arm, now she’s a knight in armor! Now her opponent is human, now he’s a wolf-shaped spirit of evil and hatred! Playing around with the characters’ senses and perceptions – yes!

-Instead of seeing only Danny and needing him to play intermediary for Sara to talk to other ghosts, the Witchblade makes Sara see ghosts all over the place, and it's getting to her. Ghost!Danny may or may not help with that. Or, ghost!Danny is basically always around, whether Sara can see him or not. He manifests when Sara is masturbating, and you can't really feel guilty if the ghost of your dead partner whom you’ve always had a thing for helps you out, and anyway you’re probably going crazy and none of this is real, so it doesn’t count anyway... right?

-Case fic/stakeouts and banter. Flirting to pass the long and stressful days at work. Quick and guilty sex because Danny's married. Slow and intense sex if handwave he's not married but “oh noes we’re partners, we shouldn’t be doing this, but somehow we keep doing it anyway.” Hooking up in the car. I've always headcanoned that they had a thing pre-canon which ended for Reasons, but they both kinda wish it hadn't, hence the hand kissing, and the “I can’t even touch you,” and the coffee bringing/stealing, etc. So feel free to play around with that.

-Undercover as married, undercover as a gangster and his moll (LOL at Sara as a moll, or have Sara as the gangster and Danny as her arm candy), undercover as “they think we’re fucking, better fake it real good for the people listening in, oops shit got real fast, careful don’t say each other’s real name or you’ll blow your cover.”

-More timey-wimey shenanigans with the Witchblade. Maybe it allows Sara to manipulate time more than once. Maybe she starts doing it way too often, throwing the continuum out of whack (something non-linear would be very interesting). Maybe she and/or Danny remember some or all of what happened in S1. Something about all the multiverse versions of them, possibly splitting off from a dramatic moment. Time loops and feelings are a combustible mix.

-Apart from the super obvious shippiness, what I like about S1 especially is how Sara rolls with the weirdness the Witchblade has brought into her life, instead of reaching for rational explanations. More of that (I can't think of a better way to put it), and double extra brownie points if alive!Danny figures out at least some of what's going on with Sara's bracelet and somehow gets in on the action. Maybe a Danny saves the day divergence? Or how about a loophole that allows a man close to the Witchblade's wearer to wield it temporarily, but There Is a Price to Pay.

킹덤 | Kingdom (TV 2019)

Prince Lee Chang, Seo-bi

I fell so hard for this show. So hard! The beautiful production values, the wonderful cast, how the characters develop, how the show slowly but surely unfolds one reveal after another and packs so much into two short seasons, all the period detail, the genuinely tense action scenes, the moments of humor and intense emotion, the intertwining of political intrigue and zomg! really scary zombies, how the zombie outbreak works on multiple levels both literal and metaphorical…

I love the brave, kind-hearted, but sheltered prince, whose whole life has been so privileged yet shadowed by the possibility of death if he loses his position as heir, learning what it means to actually rule and lead people, to protect them and be protected by them in turn. And I love Seo-bi the fearless, dedicated, selfless physician, who notices things and figures things out regardless of whether this annoys the people in power. I ship them, but I also love their platonic interactions, how instantly and fiercely loyal she is to him (not just because he’s the crown prince, but because she’s seen how brave and altruistic he can be) and how he immediately takes her advice and experience seriously despite her being a woman and a commoner in this super-hierarchical setting. So I’m good with either / or & for this pairing, and you can work with any of my prompts accordingly. In a / fic, I’d even be good with a totally sublimated, “they both must kinda know what’s going on between them but for reasons of both their personalities and their respective genders and social positions, nothing overt ever gets said or done” scenario! So don’t stress too much over which flavor of dynamic you write for them.

Also, I love most of the cast (not a huge fan of Chancellor Cho, but he is an effective antagonist), and would be delighted to see any of them in fic too. Especially the loyal and funny and badass Mu-yeong (he was loyal, despite the Haewon Cho clan’s blackmail, and if you want to diverge from canon so he lives, I would not mind that at all), the even more badass and wounded and snarky Yeong-sin (or is that “Yeong-sin”???), Chang’s sparky, exiled uncle several times removed, and the terrifying and frankly unhinged young queen are my favorites. I even have a soft spot for that mostly-useless coward Cho Beom-pal, but really, they’re all great and I would love reading about them too, or just about the prince and the lady physician – whatever works!

Finally, before I get to prompts, I know a bit about the Joseon period, but we’re talking the bits and pieces I remember from a college class, and what I’ve read on Wikipedia and picked up from this and other Korean movies and shows. I know a bit more about some of the cultural background, like the Confucian values, the social stratification and feudal system, the gender segregation among the aristocracy, the wars with Japan, but again – my knowledge is limited. So if you want to teach me stuff about Joseon, go for it! If you want to invent or handwave stuff, as long as it fits the canon’s mood and broad cultural parameters, go for it! And if you want to treat me to some worldbuilding, period detail of any kind, and/or costume porn, definitely go for it.

Prompts:

Zombie fighting anything! Learning to survive in a society that’s rapidly breaking down, having to transcend their habitual social roles and challenging each other, anything! Maybe one of them teaches the other to hunt, or to make herbal medicines, or to fight with a sword, or heck, to cook or clean dirty clothes. (FYI I wrote most of these prompts before I was quite done with S2, and the time-skip took me totally by surprise. So while my prompts ignore Chang renouncing the throne, I’d also be down for the untold adventures of the former prince and his traveling companions, as Chang learns how to be just regular folks and they pursue clues about the resurrection flower, or for your take on what happens in S3. Use whatever works for you in my prompts in any way you want!)

Figuring out how the zombie infection continues to evolve and/or working together to find a cure beyond dunking the infected in water – whether that means to destroy large numbers of the undead, or to develop an antidote, or to cure and bring back those afflicted. One plot detail that really struck me: more experimenting with zombies, like Chancellor Cho started to do, might also hold the key to a cure?

Political intrigue anything! Having to fight zombies and/or factions at court with both friends and unexpected allies (not gonna lie, I would have loved to have seen the young queen unleashed on some zombies, even if that did not make her the prince and Seo-bi’s ally).

More road trip/survival/battle goodness – maybe Seo-bi offers Lee Chang some advice while they’re navigating their new situation, or she witnesses him developing his leadership muscles, and it brings them closer together than before. Or maybe a moment of humor, relaxation, or quiet affection on the road or in between zombie-slaying, especially if it catches them both a bit by surprise. Or one of them gets a non-zombifying injury (nothing too gruesome or life-threatening, please!) and the other one has to care for them – extra points if Seo-bi is injured and the prince kind of bumbles through the most basic things so she has to talk him through her own treatment. Or nightmares/being triggered by something, like we saw both Chang and Seo-bi react at the sounds of zombies growling and people screaming in S2E5.

We have seen Seo-bi insist on staying loyal to the prince, and Lee Chang rely on her repeatedly to the exclusion of all his other people – give me a situation in which he has to make clear his own loyalty to her, as a part of both his becoming a better leader and as a step in advancing their relationship. Or, there comes a time when Seo-bi really pushes against the rules of what someone like she can and cannot say or do to/around a crown prince – we’ve seen Lee Chang refuse to stand on his dignity to the point where so many of his interactions with commoners would end in the commoners’ death, but I imagine even he has his limits, and that kind of clash can only drive this dynamic forward!

Canon divergence in which Seo-bi gets sent to the capital and assigned to be the personal physician to the petulant, frustrated prince we meet at the start of the show (handwave the gender segregation and impropriety). She knows her place, but she also does not suffer fools or male nonsense. Sparks fly, social conventions get tested, zombies may or may not happen, and a new mutual understanding is born.

Canon divergence from the scene in S2E2 when Seo-bi finagles her way to being allowed to see the prince and he instructs her to resurrect Ahn Hyeon – what if instead of that, they came up with another plan of escape? Or maybe Lee Chang sending Seo-bi to spy on the queen goes a different way than in canon? And really, anything that requires those two to pass secret messages while grabbing each other’s hands and staring intently into each other’s eyes is A++ with me!

One theme which emerges gradually, and I really loved, is people having to compromise their principles to survive and ensure the safety of those they feel loyal and/or obliged to: Ahn Hyeon agreeing to turn the sick villagers into zombies, dear Mu-yeong having been a spy but also protecting the prince all along, Seo-bi resurrecting Ahn Hyeon, Lee Chang instructing her to do it as well as his thousand-yard-stare after having to finish off what’s left of his father… I’d love to see more such compromises, how their consequences ripple out, and the emotional fallout.

In addition to zombies, other magical and/or supernatural events and creatures start to appear in Joseon. If you want to bring in something from Buddhist mythology or Korean folklore, please do, and any and all worldbuilding would be awesome. One possibility that occurs to me – and I’m going for broke here – is: a dragon awakes in his cave and shit starts hitting the fan.

Post-canon something in which Lee Chang is king, possibly of only a part of the country (maybe a zombie-free enclave, or a part he won in a civil war against the Cho clan or a cadet branch of his family), and Seo-bi is there as his advisor, physician, and unofficial chancellor. Gimme policymaking to deal with the lingering zombie issue, and assassination plots, and servants/guards/ladies in waiting gossiping like it’s their real job, and all the palace intrigue!

Kind of related to the previous: even as a “spare” prince, Lee Chang can’t marry a commoner. Would he ever think to offer Seo-bi to become his concubine? I don’t think she’d go for it, and he might realize it, but maybe I’m wrong! Or maybe being intensely platonic at each other is as good as it gets for them, and they’re kind of okay with that. Or they get married in secret and have to very careful not to let slip anything by word on gesture in public, or not to let Seo-bi get pregnant. Or, y’know, one day or night on the road or in a fortified town, in between scavenging for supplies and fighting zombies, they decide to bone just because their lives are weird enough now to forget about propriety and all that jazz for an hour.

Role reversal: Seo-bi is the sheltered, willful princess fearful for her position (especially since she’s a woman as well as the daughter of a concubine only) and Lee Chang is the proper yet willful provincial physician. Do they meet as in canon, or under different circumstances (maybe she must flee the court to escape assassins, accusations of treason, or an arranged marriage, with or without bonus zombies)? How would their dynamic be complicated (and made awesome of course!) by the gender reversal? Also, burning question: does Princess Seo-bi already know how to fight (because she forced Mu-yeong to teach her back at court, of course), or does she have to learn once zombies/brigands/insurrection/whatever happen? And does Physician Lee Chang know one end of a musket or sword from another, or does he need rescuing at some point?

I realize that some of these prompts could work as well (better?) as a no-zombies AU, and that’s fine if you want to take it in that direction. Just so we’re clear. J

 Likes:

I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and missing-scene stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon.

I love stories about characters at work and play, group dynamics, family dynamics (including constructed families), professional partnerships, friendships, alliances, rivalries, intimate couples (new lovers/first times as well as long-term/established couples), UST-ridden couples who are not just UST-ridden but connected in other ways too, etc.

I love irony, snark, humor as well as angst arising from the characters rather than the plot crowbaring it in, linear, non-linear, and 5+1 stories, hopeful endings, happy endings, bittersweet endings, worldbuilding, spiky characters who keep their jagged edges and spikiness in adversity as well as when their lives are going well, square-peg-in-round-hole characters, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who can get over themselves when the occasion calls for it, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.

I especially love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an actual workplace/casefic/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). Or, if they can’t get along, show me why not and what’s preventing them from finding common ground.

In terms of ship dynamics, I love (where it fits the characters) banter, competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved), oh-god-why-did-it-have-to-be-you-what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this, bickering yet loving couples, characters who are serious about their romantic interests, characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are, characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed, fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping. A dynamic I cannot resist is shipping a couple who are incompatible in some important way (they are ideological enemies, cop and criminal, spies from opposite sides, one betrayed the other or they betrayed each other), and while they love and want each other they’re also not willing to change sides or surrender/compromise their identity for the other’s benefit, and how they might (or not) make their relationship work anyway.

I don’t have any very specific likes for smut, other than smut fitting the characters – show me how their canon dynamics spill over into the bedroom (or other place of congress). I also like sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves (e.g., the person who’s usually quiet or more passive taking charge, the more aggressive person goes with it possibly snarking or commenting on it as long as they can). And I like sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition, antagonism, oh-god-this-is-a-bad-idea-but-we’re-going-for-it-hammer-and-tongs, not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not, or just people getting way more into it or being more affected by it than they thought they would. When it fits the characters and their canon dynamic, you also can’t go wrong with we-both-wanted-this-for-forever-and-now-we-both-know-it-so-here-we-go-diving-in-headfirst. For het and/or slash, oral, vaginal, anal incl. pegging, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) – it’s all good. You can go as veiled or as explicit as you like, but please avoid excessive medical jargon – I don’t find a lot of mention of “penis” or “clit” sexy.

 DNWs:

MPREG, A/B/O, knotting, D/s, kinks, incest, underage, genderswap/genderbent characters, xeno, non-/dub-con, torture and abuse (this and non-/dub-con can be mentioned if the story needs it, but please don’t dwell on it in loving detail or subject any of my requested characters to it), dwelling on bodily fluids (mentions of gore/blood and come are fine), toilet humor, character bashing, issuefic, gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity/religion/ability/identity headcanons, unrequested ships, soulmates and soul marks, major character death (the exception is Laura Moon in American Gods dying so she can become undead), serious illness or injury, pregnancy and children, holiday or wedding setting/theme, secondary characters shipping the main pair like it’s their job, reference to RL current events, 1st/2nd person POV, unrequested crossovers or fusions, AUs which have nothing to do with canon