#might be angsty. might be spicy. might be fluffy. maybe a little of all of the above who knows??

[rubiesintherough]

here’s a meme call for the  healer birb,  specifically.   poke the heart     if you want things specifically from her, bc her muse is strong af tonight.   if also a multi, pls   reply to this post   and lemme know which of your muses you want the memes for, otherwise i’ll leave ‘em open ended for you to pick on your end.

and if you wanna toss things at her, feel free

[guiltyasdave]

WIP wednesday!

thank you for the tags @dancingtotuyo @beskarandblasters 🤍

1. post snippets or summaries of each of your WIPs.

2. create a poll with each WIP. whatever total votes you get, work on the winning fic for that many minutes.

3. send me an ask about any WIP that caught your interest if you want to :)

…i’ll be honest, i haven’t written much the last week except for a spicy little fmf dave oneshot that might be posted tomorrow and that, for legal reasons (it’s a gift), i can’t say much about 😌 so nothing much has changed since the last WIP wednesday, but here we go :)

wildest dreams (dave york x f!reader)

the dbf!dave story (teaser here) that @joelscurls and i are pretending to be working on. it has a hidden relationship, it has our usual kinky dom dave, corruption, angst, it’s gonna be great! we just really need to write it lmao

this is going to hurt (max phillips x f!reader)

this is living rent free in my head these days tbh. it’s gonna be about the three times max almost bit you and the one time he did. it starts out as colleagues with benefits who are catching feelings (my favorite trope apparently) and turns into smutty, angsty, and maybe a little fluffy chaos 😈

safe and sound (joel miller x f!reader)

joel and ellie stumble into reader’s safe house, where she once lived with her family, but now it’s just her. they’re both injured and she eventually decides to help them, even though they all struggle with trusting each other. as time passes, they slowly become friends and maybe even something closer to family.

no pressure tags: @joelscurls @joelsgreys @luxurychristmaspudding @amanitacowboy @swiftispunk @sweetenerobert @mrsmando @undercoverpena @ozarkthedog @thetriumphantpanda @corazondebeskar-reads @cavillscurls

[youatemylollipop]

May I ask first date headcanons for Sougo and Kondo? Thanks!

A/N: I had kinda went a bit overboard on Sougo’s part, since it had gotten far too angsty than I had initially planned. Just wanted to apologize if this wasn’t entirely what you were asking for.😅 But I still made sure to end it with enough fluffiness to make up for it! At least I hope I did.

Ft: Okita Sougo & Kondō Isao (Gintama).

Okita Sougo

➵ Okay, so first things first. Sougo is not the type to just ask his s/o out straight off the bat. The two of them had most likely ran into each other far too many times in the most inconvenient moments. It had probably been situations that made most people believe they had already been on a date.

➵ But after realizing that he didn’t mind spending time with them like this, he decided to make a move. Though, I’m gonna be frank. Knowing Sougo, there was obviously nothing romantic in his approach. Perhaps the most comical of it all, was the fact that the previous little coincidental “run intos” were much more romantic and pleasing than the real deal.

➵ Being a sadist is literally a part of his identity and whether his s/o likes it or not, they’ll just have to deal with it. Their first date is probably going to be a bit more extreme than the following ones (if his s/o is willing to endure it and decides not to dump him—if that really is the case then they must be an angel sent from heaven).

➵ Why? It’s just that the guy will only soften up to them with time. He’s still going to be a menace, but it’ll be more tolerable and stop resembling a torture session.

➵ I can most likely see him take his s/o to an unusual restaurant or some other adrenaline eliciting place. This depends on their preferences—what they dislike the most that is.

➵ Depending on his s/o’s food preferences he’ll might just choose the restaurant that’ll fit perfectly into their very own interpretation of what a personal h*ll is. If they hate sweets, then expect a pastry shop. If they dislike spicy foods, then he’ll find literally the hottest dish on the menu. If they’re not that picky, fear not. The b*stard will still find a way to make his s/o cry at the end of their visit.

➵ Just like I had previously mentioned, a restaurant is not the only variant that he has on the list. Adrenaline inducing places is another one. He’ll probably even make it seem romantic, only to hit on the most vulnerable spot. Is his s/o afraid of heights? The Ferris wheel it is. Or let’s go bungee jumping if that’s not enough of a scare.

➵ He’s not mean enough to force them into a state of panic whatsoever. If he notices that they’re about to have an attack or are close to passing out, he’ll make sure to get them away from that place.

➵ By the way, he might not admit to it, but he actually enjoys it when his s/o clings onto him like a frightened koala. It’ll make him feel accomplished, but he’s also secretly happy since their actions show him that they really do trust him—and this sadistic baby is actually very touch starved.

➵ In addition, this may not seem relevant, but I’ll still say it. If his s/o really reminds him of his sister, then expect him to act the exact same way with them as he did with her.

You’re beginning to regret ever accepting this—whatever this is. There’s no way you’ll acknowledge this as a date anymore. You should’ve known that there was a reason behind his sudden sweet behavior. A part of you feels like crying, because you had truly looked forward to your first date. But now, a part of you is beginning to question his so-called “feelings” for you.

Maybe you were just being overly sensitive. After all, it had never been a secret that the guy found some sick enjoyment in tormenting others. But a part of you was hoping that he’ll act differently with you. He had been the one to ask you out, for crying out loud! You’re pretty sure that when a person asks you out it means that they like you, maybe even find you attractive. Sougo, however, had been sending you the exact opposite signals.

“I think this was a mistake.”

You weren’t looking at him as you spoke. In all honesty did you not think that you’d have the strength to. You were already close to tears. God only knows what will happen once you make eye contact with his gorgeous maroon colored eyes.

Whatever it had been that Sougo had been talking about came to an abrupt stop as soon as he heard your quivering voice. Sure, he might have been a bit mean this whole time, but up until this point it didn’t seem to bother you that much. He might not look like it, but Sougo is actually very observant and perhaps he now realized that he might’ve gone a bit to far with his antics.

“Oh? Is [Name]-chan tired already? Do they want to go home?” There was a teasing edge to his voice that you mistook for mockery and were about to leave, until the male reached out for your shaky figure to cradle you in his arms.

“Awe, don’t cry. We’ll go somewhere else next time, alright?” Sniffing, you decided to look up, no longer hiding your face in his chest. He was still sporting that infuriating smirk on his handsome face, but it was much kinder this time.

“Promise?” Your lips had formed into a childish pout, a small part of you still upset over the way he had been acting so far. But you were glad that he had paid enough attention to you to notice and did not straight out ignore like you had expected him to do. You knew he wouldn’t apologize, but the effort that he was putting was enough to make you understand that his feelings really were genuine.

“Promise. Wherever you’d like, your choice.”

Kondō Isao

➵ There is one big difference between Sougo and Kondō when it comes to romance. Both suck at it, but for major different reasons. Unlike Kondō, Sougo is actually capable of creating a romantic atmosphere if he wants to. Kondō, on the other hand, simply does not know how to. Which is quite amusing to be honest, since the guy is a big romantic.

➵ He loves anything that would usually be considered cliché and has so many ideas running through his mind. It just makes it all the more hilarious how he’s just incapable of making it a reality.

➵ While Sougo had just bluntly told his s/o that he likes them, Kondō would probably confess in the most embarrassing way possible. I swear! This man was practically yelling at his s/o from across the street to go on a date with him.

➵ Like any rational person they obviously rejected him a few times before finally accepting. There’s nothing mean behind his s/o’s actions, they were just genuinely weirded out by him and had a hard time comprehending what was going on.

➵ When it comes to planning their first date, he’d probably make use of his stalkerish tendencies. This was before his s/o had even met him. His s/o was truly convinced that there was a gorilla roaming around your neighborhood until he had decided to yell out his confession.

➵ That was also his s/o’s moment of realization. In other words: The day they had found out that he was actually a human and not just some random gorilla-looking amanto, stealing bananas from the local shops.

➵ So like I said earlier, the man has tons of ideas, to which he also adds his s/o’s likes and dislikes so that he can avoid any possible disaster. Problem is, it’s still going to turn out into a disaster. But it’s the effort that counts.

➵ The absolute first date will most likely be some kind of festival or amusement park. Because who doesn’t like festivals and amusement parks? Kondō can truly not comprehend the thought that somebody might in fact not like them.

➵ If his s/o does, then congrats. If they don’t, then he’ll probably be disappointed that he didn’t manage to come up with something that suited their taste. But if that really does happen, then he’ll just ask them what they would like to do and then just go with the flow from then on.

➵ Surprises! Don’t forget to expect tons of surprises! And it’s probably during one of these surprises that the long awaited disaster finally happens.

The date wasn’t horrible per se. You had truly found it adorable how hard the man next to you was trying. Always prioritizing your needs before his. It made your heart melt. You had seriously started questioning why you even rejected him all those times to begin with.

“Are you alright Kondō-san?” Despite how comical everything looked, you couldn’t help but feel slightly worried. The man did take quite a blow after all.

“There’s nothing to worry about [Last name]-san, I’ve taken much worse hits than this.” Even though his words were meant to ease your nerves, they somehow managed to worsen everything instead. A part of you was wondering if it had been those previous “hits” that he’s got from work that made him like this. Maybe he should rethink his lifestyle? Living like this could be rather damaging for both his brain and his body as a whole, after all.

“I still don’t understand what made you think it was a good idea to pierce your thumb with that needle?” A blush was dusting his cheeks as the question was voiced. You couldn’t help but giggle at how adorable he was right now.

“I just noticed the way you were looking at the fish tank and wanted to catch them for you.” This enticed another laugh to come out, since you thought his explanation was utterly ridiculous. However, despite that, it was still very sweet of him.

“I wonder just how much knowledge you must carry with you to know how bloodthirsty those amanto-fishes truly are.” Although the male did seem to manage to show off his knowledge, it still did not make the act in itself any less foolish. Kondō was aware that this peculiar species has an exceptional sense of smell, yet he still underestimated just how aggressive they could get. He had simply not expected them to jump out of the tank and attack him.

“I swear that our next date will be much better than this one!” He then exclaimed with a determined expression, aready planning where he would take you. You, on the other hand, smiled with content, not minding if it would turn out the same way this one had.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

[vendetta-if]

Hey guys 👋 I just notice that I should probably start making posts updating on the exclusive content that I made on Patreon whenever I finished them 😅

So, I decided to make two posts to let you guys know all of the exclusive side stories and the spicy ones that I currently have up on Patreon so far. In this post, I'll exclusively focus on all the side stories and give out a little sneak peek of each of them. For the spicy side stories and Q&A sneak peeks, click here.

If you guys are interested in supporting me and getting access to all of these exclusive side contents, please check out my Patreon page 🥰💖 I currently have a monthly-subscription-based payment set, so you don't have to worry about getting charged twice when subscribing near the end of the month.

Other than weekly progress update posts, here are currently all the exclusive side stories that are up by the end of November 2022:

Vendetta Halloween Interactive Side Story

Around 19K words, it's a really cute and wholesome and fluffy story about little MC, Ash, and Rin celebrating Halloween together with Viktor, Takashi, Luka, and Cara. You'll have three Halloween costumes to choose from, which will also affect Ash's and Viktor's costumes. There will also be four different activities to choose from for the Halloween Fair and a bunch of smaller interaction options!

Check out the little snippet/sneak peek of the story in this post!

Dead Man Walking (Part 1 & Part 2)

An angsty AU where MC is the one who dies instead of Viktor that night in the alley. Written in Viktor's POV. Around 6K words long.

You’re not sure how you even got into this mess in the first place, but you should’ve known that this day would come, sooner or later. You can only run away for so long before the consequences of everything you’ve done catch up to you.

Any other day, or maybe when you were younger, you would have turned back and tried to face them head-on. But now, you have something special—oh, so very special and dear to you—and you won’t risk harming him; his safety is the only thing on your mind right now.

You are running through a maze of deserted and dank alleyways on a cold winter night, and beside you is your son, his little hand is engulfed in your bigger one as you hold on tight. Sasha has just turned ten today and even though this might not be the best birthday he has had so far, you are planning to make it up to him in the next few days during the weekend.

Vodka Misadventure (Part 1 & Part 2)

A wholesome side story featuring young MC and Ash regarding the vodka incident that they talked about at the party in Chapter 2 😂 Written in MC's POV and a little part in Ash's POV. 6.5K words long.

It’s far from your first time stepping foot in his office. You’ve spent a lot of time with Ash here when you were both younger, hanging out with each other while Uncle Luka worked on some stuff on his desk. It’s certainly a spacious office with a plush carpet and sleek and elegant furniture. There is no window in the room, but it doesn’t feel suffocating at all.

In one corner of the room, there is a full set of sofas, armchairs, and a low and wide coffee table made out of black marble. It’s where you often spent time with Ash and also where your Uncle would receive guests. You know your uncle always makes sure to lock his office whenever he’s not using it and the fact that you’re both in here right now without him even knowing makes you nervous a bit as if you’ve done a crime.

“We have tunnels?” you say in awe.

“Cool, right? Uncle Luka showed this one to me, like a few days ago. He said he’ll give us a thorough tour soon. Said it’ll be useful for us to know, in case of… Well, never mind that. I still have one more thing to show you!” Ash gushes.

They set down the pizza box on the coffee table before moving towards Uncle Luka’s big desk and you trail after them gingerly.

A Fateful Encounter

A Yvette backstory on how she first met Viktor. 6K words long.

Yvette’s heart rate skyrockets as panic starts to sink in. Thankfully, she had taken advantage of the man’s momentary distraction to grab her phone. She quickly taps it to unlock it, only to find out that the phone is… dead. The electricity…

“Well, I think it’s enough chatting. Now, what should I do with you, huh, missy?” There’s a slight edge of excitement under his tone. “If you really are a hero like you said, then maybe it’s a good idea to kill you and make you an example. Or maybe maiming you to the point where the agency wouldn’t want you anymore will be a better fate? Hmm… I like the sound of that. I can already see the headlines: ‘Tragedy strikes as a young superheroine’s career got cut short,’” he says to himself almost dreamily before turning back to her, electricity charge building up in his palms.

He takes a step closer to her and Yvette scrambles back futilely. She feels her scalp tingling as strands of her hair start floating from the static electricity building up in the surrounding atmosphere. This is it… This is the end of my career, my life, she thinks one last time before bracing herself for the agony. However, the man stops at the last moment and turns his head towards the entrance. Yvette hears the crunching glass chimes for a split second before the man in front of her is tackled away.

Patreon Link

Spicy Side Stories and Q&A Sneak Peeks Post

[hotxcheeto]

Hello hello lovely <3 I recently fell in love with your writing especially the way you write hcs! I really liked the one with the girlss comforting you about your insecurities. Could you do one the opposite way? Where you comfort them about THEIR insecurities? (Especially Vi and those scars. Omg my baby.) Definitely fluffy, maybe spicy if you're feeling it.

━ 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙨 - Vi, Caitlyn, Sevika, (Bonus!) Jinx 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Angsty Fluff, Cursing?, Scars, Talk of past trauma

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - Still getting my blog together so if some things change don't mind that. Thank you for the request lovely <3

☼ 𝐕𝐢 - Poor baby. She's been through a lot in her life. Her parents, Vander, Mylo, Claggor, losing her idea of her sister. She's very insecure about the scars that run down her back. Most from prison, especially the ones on her face.

The one on her lip and the one above her eyebrow are ones she really hates. Because you can see them. She pretends it doesn't bother her but man does she wish they weren't there. She wished you couldn't seem them, but the love in your eyes when you look at her is enough for her to feel better.

Vi completely breaks when you run your fingers along them. Especially when she's sitting with her back exposed to you. And she feels your fingers just softly tracing them without her even saying anything. And she doesn't say anything after either. She can't bring herself to, she doesn't want to ruin the moment.

But only if you guys are close, she wouldn't let anyone else touch her like that but you. Might even cry, she just feels so safe with you. You're her home now. So when you kiss the two scars on her face each night before bed, she melts. She's yours, so you better not break her heart.

☼ 𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐲𝐧 - Caitlyn comes off very confident. But she's got her insecurities. Especially in her abilities as an enforcer. Most see her as stuck up, which you and her both know she can sometimes come off as. But she's a good person, she never means it.

Caitlyn just needs you to tell her how she sounds. But the enforcers see her as someone who only got the job because of her parents. And it makes her feel that way as well even though she's very passionate at what she does.

She gets really upset about this, she'll talk to you about it while you both lay in bed. Caitlyn loves listening to you tell her how good she's doing. Not many people do. So hearing you, of all people, telling her she's doing a good job. It's something that she cherishes.

☼ 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐤𝐚 - Sevika is very insecure, and very similar to Vi in this department. Her arm. It's her worst enemy. She lost it because of her passion for her cause but she wished she didn't have to lose it. Sevika wishes she could've shown her devotion a different way.

But if anyone knows you can't change the past, it's her. You always make sure to hold her metal hand just as much as her flesh and blood hand, even if she can't feel it. You know she's watching, and you know she appreciates it even if she doesn't say it.

Her favorite thing is waking up in the morning and you already being awake. Tracing those little lines on her face that she despises because it makes them a little more bearable.

Sevika would kill to feel your little touches on her skin every minute of everyday. She hates the scars that cover her body, from her legs to her face. The one one her stomach. She can't look at any of them for long. But you, you trace them over and over as if they're art. And that makes her hate them a little bit less.

☼ 𝐉𝐢𝐧𝐱 - She less insecure about her physical scars. It's her mental scars that terrorize her. Her childhood along with the death that plagued it. Her episodes of anger and hearing voices, she's terrified she'll hurt you. And she hates having to look at you after them, because she's scared of what she'll see.

But every time she does look, it's never fear or anger in your eyes. It's always worry, worry and love. You love her, and you want to make sure she's okay. Jinx usually doesn't hear the voices when you're around, they usually are away. Locked up in a box. But on occasion when they come out. You're always there for her.

She loves holding you, feeling your arms around her letting her cry into you. Or leaning her entire body back on you, her head resting beside yours on your shoulder. She'll just lay there, listening to your breathing or what you're saying. Because you don't leave and you never get mad at her.

You don't see Jinx as anyone else does. You see her as she wants to be seen. Like Vi, you're Jinx's safe space, you're her home. Your the person she trusts to go to when her mind isn't safe to be. Because you'd never judge her, and that is something Jinx holds onto.

And so help you God if you ever break her heart. Not that you ever would. You love her just as much as she loves you.

A/n: This made me kinda sad ngl also tmrw it friday and I am so excited because I'll feel less dead to the writing world

[kinkykinard]

Hi,I’m a big fan of your works, I was wondering if your still accepting requests for the most recent prompt post if I might be able to ask for an Eddie x reader with the prompts

“My chest hurts.” And “I’m just going to take a listen.”

Something maybe slightly angsty but mostly fluffy of Eddie caring for reader, if that give you any inspiration.

I hope you have a lovely day.

            The pain had come on suddenly and you weren’t even entirely sure when.  You felt like it had been around a while, but you’d been so distracted with getting your work done for the day that you hadn’t stopped to pay attention to it until it had become insistent - a crushing sort of pressure behind your breastbone.  You brought a hand up to press against your sternum in an attempt to ease the ache, but it didn’t improve.

            Doing your best to ignore the alarm bells that had started ringing in your head after one too many first aid courses and advertisements warning of the symptoms of a heart attack, you glanced at the clock on your desktop and were surprised to find it was later than you thought.  Sighing deeply, you winced at the way the pain flared in protest as your lungs expanded and shook it off, shutting down your laptop.

            You packed your bags and headed for home, the ache between your lungs persisting as you drove through the maze of downtown streets toward Eddie’s place.  It didn’t take you long to get there, and within minutes you were walking up the driveway, ready to just kick back and relax.  Thankfully it was Friday and you had all weekend to cut loose and forget about everything going on in your world.

            The front door to Eddie’s house swung open and light spilled onto the porch as you approached.  He smiled at you as he appeared in the doorway and you leaned into his embrace as you crossed the threshold, smiling as you were enveloped in his warmth and strength.

            “I missed you,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss into your hair.

            “I missed you, too,” you said softly, closing your eyes and inhaling the scent of his cologne, clinging to him tightly.

            The two of you stood locked in a hug for a long moment before you finally reluctantly pulled away and you followed Eddie into the house.  You could smell the rich, slightly spicy scent of whatever he was making for dinner on the stove and you could hear quiet video game noises emanating from behind Christopher’s closed door down the hall.  The domesticity of it all made you smile.

            “Make yourself at home,” Eddie said warmly, ushering you into the kitchen with him.  “Can I get you a drink?”

            You allowed him to lead you to the kitchen table, sitting down as he pulled out a chair before rushing over to the stove to stir whatever was simmering there.  You watched him for a moment, unconsciously reaching up to rub at your chest again as it continued to ache fiercely.  Your heart rate picked up as your thoughts began drifting back to the pain and you didn’t even notice Eddie speaking to you until he was right at your side, kneeling so he could meet your eyes from below where you were staring, lost in thought.

            “Are you okay?”

            You shook your head as you snapped out of your reverie, looking down at him as he reached up to gently grasp your wrists, pulling your hands away from your chest and into your lap.  His thumbs rubbed gentle circles into your skin and you sniffed a little as tears welled in your eyes.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “My chest hurts,” you explained quietly.

            Eddie’s expression stayed relatively impassive, but you could see the concern in his eyes.  He squeezed your arms gently before letting go and standing up, holding a hand out to you.

            “Come on,” he encouraged softly.  “Come with me.”

            You frowned, confused, but allowed him to pull you to your feet again.  You walked along ahead of him as he led you down the hall to his bedroom.  Eddie guided you to the bed, coaxing you to have a seat and make yourself comfortable.  You kicked off your shoes before climbing onto the bed, settling yourself against the stack of pillows cushioning the headboard that Eddie had hastily constructed as you’d shifted around.

            You watched as he took a seat next to you, facing you with a reassuring smile.  He reached for you, gently grasping your wrist and pressing his fingertips to your pulse point.  You could feel your pulse racing, reverberating off of his fingers in sync with the fluttering you felt in your chest.  You closed your eyes, leaning your head back against the headboard, letting Eddie do his thing and trying to feel reassured that he was taking care of you.

            “Breathe, sweetheart,” he encouraged gently as he glanced down at his watch, timing your heart rate.

            You tried your best to ground as he counted, focusing on your breathing, on the feeling of the soft bed beneath you and how it contrasted with the hard wood of the headboard behind you, on the scent of Eddie’s cologne and the warmth of his examining fingers.  You could feel a little of the tension starting to ease and you sighed with relief, your chest beginning to feel the smallest bit less constricted.

            “Are you anxious?”  Eddie asked.  “Did something happen at work?”

            You shrugged, clearing your throat a little before speaking, your voice thick with unshed tears.

            “I don’t know,” you replied.  “I feel anxious, but I don’t know if that came on first or if I’m anxious because my chest hurts.”

            Eddie nodded sympathetically, giving your wrist a gentle, reassuring squeeze before letting go.  He reached up to cup your face, stroking a thumb over your cheekbone.

            “Have you ever had chest pains like this before?”

            You shook your head.

            “Okay, that’s okay,” Eddie assured you.  “It just means we’ll keep a closer eye on you for a bit, that’s all.  I’ll be right back.”

            You slowly opened your eyes again as Eddie’s hand dropped away from your face and watched as he stood.  Reaching up, you swiped at a tear as it rolled down your cheek.

            “Is it bad?” You asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

            Eddie glanced at you over his shoulder as he reached into a dresser drawer.  He shook his head, pulling out his stethoscope and returning to your side.  He folded the instrument in his lap, reaching out to rest on hand on your knee and giving it a squeeze.

            “I don’t think so,” he explained.  “I think you’re having a mild panic attack and that we’ll be able to treat you right here, but I’d like to get a closer look before I decide for sure.”

            You agreed easily, trusting him to take care of you.  The thought of potentially having to go to the hospital scared you enough that it drove your heart rate even higher and you tried not to think about that as Eddie held up the stethoscope.

            “I’m just going to take a listen.”

            You hummed softly in agreement and fiddled with a thread on the bedspread as Eddie inserted the eartips and held up the stethoscope’s diaphragm between his fingers.  The chill of it made you shiver a little as he touched it to your chest, but it warmed almost instantly and faded out of mind, the cold being replaced by the gentle weight of Eddie’s hand as he held the stethoscope in place.

            “Breathe nice and easy for me,” he instructed.

            You did; in through your nose, out through your mouth.  Eddie encouraged you with a single nod and a small smile, steadying you with a hand on your shoulder as he moved the stethoscope around, taking a thorough listen to your heartbeat.  Satisfied that everything was fine, he pulled away and set the instrument aside again, reaching to take both of your hands in his.

            “Your heart sounds good,” Eddie reassured you.  “It’s just working a little hard right now because of the anxiety.  I’m going to make you some tea and run you a bath to help you relax, see if we can’t get your heart rate down some.  If you’re still having chest pains after all that, then we’ll take a closer look and revisit the idea of heading into the ER, okay?”

            While his plan still made you a little nervous, it was better than what you thought he’d say and you trusted him implicitly to keep you safe.  If he said you were going to be fine, you knew you would be.  You nodded and Eddie gave your hands a squeeze, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

            “I’ll take good care of you, I promise.”

            You smiled and nodded, taking a slow, deep, cleansing breath.

            “I know.”

Request a ficlet

[mrskurono]

title: ｆｅｒｔｉｌｉｔｙ　；| Rintarou Suna x Fem!Reader a/n: here I go again, comfort writing with Suna. And bc my notes have taken a dip and no one likes to reblog stuff anymore I’ll probably never open requests again and just write for myself  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ word count: 1.4k tags: timeskip (duh). real life situations, established relationship (your married), language, fertility issues (either Suna has low sperm count or reader has PCOS reader’s choice I didn’t specificy), medical terminology/situations, angsty, fluffy, IUI, vent writing ish, nothing bad happens just trying to get pregnant unconventionally, unedited character(s): Rintarou Suna (hq)

“As soon as you quit trying it’ll happen!”

“We didn’t even have to think about it and wow three kids later!”

“Your young don’t stress about it!”

“But you don’t look like it’s hard.”

You stare up at a mostly white wall. Textured fine and certainly not as renovated as the lobby. It still feels oddly like home even with the disposable blanket draped over your naked lower half. Perhaps what made it really feel like home was Rintarou’s hand on your thigh.

Staring long gone as your eyes drop onto the dark haired man who’s stare was directed at the closed door. He’s quiet. As always but you’re unsure to attribute it to the fact it was before nine A.M, or because the nurse practitioner said they were going to get the specimen. 

“Third times the charm you know,” Rintarou’s voice surprises you. Even though you were staring right at him. When he spoke facing away you couldn’t help but jump. His hand squeezing your thigh tight.

You’re quiet for a second. Third time was supposedly the charm. For a second you wonder how many friends, family and acquittances might have had the same thought.

A sigh leaves you and like the other attempts before you finally relax back into the exam chair, “We were in this room the first time right?”

Rintarou looks at the tapestry on the wall directly behind the two of you. Dark brows pinching a little he thinks for a second, “...I thought the first room had the quilt thing with kids hand paints on it?”

“There’s the flower one I think.” You mention the other piece of art you can vividly recall.

“Was it these or was it that flower one that looks like a vagina that was the first room.”

“Rintarou those were labias.”

“Yeah, and the other one looked like balls.”

“Oh but you remember the pussy looking one?”

“You mean labias.”

You squint your eyes at him and wordlessly mouth a mockery towards him. Forgetting for a second how nervous you were. He doesn’t forget how nervous you are though. Rintarou takes the mocking tease in stride when he bends down and presses a kiss to your scrunched forehead. Timing impeccable as always for the middle blocker as the nurse comes back in just as he stands back up.

Just like the three times before, the nurse stands with awfully ugly blue gloves on, the thickest looking catheter you ever swore you saw and papers clasped in their other hand. And just like the other times there was always a spiel to go with it all.

“Are we ready?” They looked at both you and your husband. Rintarou remained quiet but with a deep breath you nodded, “Good. Well- As always-” They hand the sealed and capped syringe to Rintarou, “You know the drill, body temp so if you don’t mind holding onto this.”

He nods. An otherworldly feeling to be holding onto what was basically the essence of his semen. But the tight grip the EJP middle blocker held it with was far more tight than any volleyball he’d ever held. 

“Here’s the papers as always,” The nurse wheeled over to your side of the exam chair in the small room, “Mobility looked great today. A 3.7 for them. Um- Unthawed at 6:34 this morning after the call, everyone looked lively in there and all there’s left to do is send them on their way! Are you ready?”

You take a deep breath. Looking at your nurse. Then looking to Rintarou. The hand on your thigh no longer there. Instead he’d taken your hand in his the second he was handed the sperm. You nod and squeeze his hand before looking at the nurse, “Third times the charm.”

There’s a faint smile on your husband’s face. Something you hadn’t seen once at these appointments. The way it tugs on the corner of his lips and Rintarou looks down at you even as someone gets between your legs, you can’t help but laugh to yourself. You’d be fucking him right now for that smile if there wasn’t KY jelly being smeared on your vaginal opening in preparation for a speculum to being inserted.

“Any plans for the rest of the day?” Utter casualness as someone only a little more than an acquaintance pulls your labias back right in front of your husband.

“Breakfast probably.” You look up at Rintarou who nods, “And then absolutely nothing.”

“Oh no practice today then?” Your overly friendly nurse glances up to Rintarou as the metal dipped down into you. 

It’s uncomfortable. Certainly not something you’d ever want to add to your bedroom antics. Each touch of their glove around your bits and pieces is something your not sure you can get use to but as they crank it to latch and your left knowing your cervix is exposed as Rintarou hands them the syringe, there’s something so strange. Your not sure you have an emotion for it actually.

“I just take them off normally,” Rintarou answers the person who’s now readying a thin catheter full of your husband’s separated and washed sperm to be inserted into your uterus on a Thursday morning. And Rintarou is talking to him like he does Motoya at the end of practice like its nothing.

“A couple this morning said they were going to try the new bakery down town,” Their hand goes to your thigh to let them know they’re going to touch you, “Alright deep breath, just a little discomfort and cramp.”

This is always the time you fall silent. Eyes fixated up on the ceiling even as you death grip Rintarou’s hand. It’s not a poke. Not like a needle. It’s cramp worthy but at the same time it’s so foreign that by the time it’s all said and done. They’re tossing the empty contain into the hazard bin and taking off their gloves.

“We have a shop we really like,” Rintarou replies calmly even though you’re sure your crushing his hand, “But I think I heard of the place.”

“Well-” The nurse smiled with their fingers crossed, “Here’s to hoping I can tell you about the bakery in two weeks.” 

They of course remind you of the drill. No checking before two weeks. False positives are rampant then. You get handed the papers. Which Rintarou always takes for you as you lay there on the exam table. Told to take your time for the ten minute wait period and then feel free to get dressed and head out. And like always you thank the person who just shot your husband’s sperm directly into your cervix.

Ten minutes. Then you could leave. 

Ten minutes you might as well sit in silence.

“...third times the charm you know,” Rintarou reminds you, as well as himself, after the nurse left. Big hand still clasped over yours as you lay there on the exam table.

“...I can feel lube stuck all over me,” You grimace at the coolness. It certainly is the same lube you use at home. An attempt to make this all more light hearted at best but it quickly falls flat.

You think for a second. All that advice you’ve gotten as you both try for your first. Don’t use lube. Use lube. Don’t do it on a Tuesday. Do it on a Tuesday. Don’t eat spicy. Ok maybe eat spicy. It all filters into your mind as you lay holding your husband’s hand in the stillness of the clinic room.

Rintarou snaps you out of it when he leans over. All 6′3 of him bent in half as he rests his ear against your chest and looks up at you.  Giant ass head in the middle of your chest and looking up at you. God he looks uncomfortable like that. But doesn’t budge an inch. Instead bringing your hand up to his lips and kissing your knuckles gently.

“Boy or girl?” You ask him the same question as the two times before.

He shakes his head. Lifting himself up to lean down and kiss your lips softly, “Doesn’t matter to me as long as it’s a baby.”

His assurance makes you sigh. Undoubtedly he was nervous too. At least here he kept it together. Though you were sure the staff probably thought your husband was a mute for the most part. You knew different. 

Reaching up you cup his face and bring him down for one more kiss, “...Here’s to the third time.”

[oftenderweapons]

TikTok Towel Trick

Pairing: member x reader 

Wordcount: 400 to 600 words each

Genre: fluff, mild smut

Rating: suggested 18+

He's not paying you attention? Try wearing nothing but a towel and dropping it right in front of his eyes.

Saw a post that suggested this and I had to comply. It’s a cute/fluffy/angsty/lowkey smutty (implied smut) galore. Enjoy!

Also, here is my Masterlist

Namjoon

It was a lazy afternoon, Namjoon and you had been watching documentaries on the sofa, his body comfortably sitting while your head lied on his lap, his attention increasingly shifting towards the tv. He was so focused on exoplanets or something that he actually didn’t notice the way you were staring at him, that focused look on his face sending little sparks of longing through your spine.

“Joon”. Your hand snaked around his calf and you started dragging your nails softly agains his skin. “Joon”.

“Wait a sec babe”.

And a second became twenty minutes of him clenching his jaw in concentration, his glasses continuously sliding from the bridge of his nose, and him subsequently sliding them back in that half quirky half sexy move of his. Biting your lip you decided that you might as well try something more aggressive. Standing up, Namjoon complaining because you obstructed the view of his oh-so-beloved documentary, you headed for the bedroom, a small pout on your lips. You quickly and briskly undressed and wrapped yourself in a towel. “Joon” you called one last time, a warning delivered with the most saccharine voice.

No answer. So you headed back for the living room and stood right behind the sofa where he was sitting. You cleared your throat and threw the towel right at the television, half covering the screen. “May I have your attention, sir?”

As he heard his favourite voice of yours - that bedroom voice - Joon turned, eyes wide in childlike surprise, his mouth forming a small “o” and then spreading in a mischievous smile. He carefully dragged his gaze back to your face. “Someone is being needy today” he bit his lip and his eyelids lowered in that sultry expression that always drove you crazy. He turned and switched off the tv. Still staring straight ahead he murmured. “Come over baby, let me show you what you got yourself into”.

Jin

He had promised. Promised he would stay in bed and let you make him breakfast. Instead you had woken up to an empty, cold bed and no Mister Worldwide Handsome in immediate proximity. You had been living together for six months now and you had woken up with his face on the pillow next to yours maybe four or five times. Of course, you tended to sleep in while he was more of a morning person, but still you wanted to see your boyfriend first thing in the morning, and maybe enjoy that natural tenderness of having just woken up and other things... So you thought that you might as well get two birds with one stone and drag your boyfriend back to bed while also getting yourself rid of that tendril of wanting coiling in your core. You undressed -- a bit clumsily because you were still half asleep -- and wrapped a towel around you. Feet softly padding to the kitchen -- he was obviously there -- you caught him tasting a blueberry from the plate of pancakes he had prepared for you two. “Oh, good morning honey, you headed for a shower? Maybe you should get breakfast while it’s still warm.”

Your mind quickly corrected your plan. “Maybe you could have a shower with me, Jinnie?” And batting your eyelashes you let the towel fall. “Or maybe you could come back to bed?”

Jin’s face let his confusion and shock show. When he came back to reality, he quickly closed his mouth, staring at your breasts for the shortest second in history, then shutting his eyes and focusing them back in yours. He opened his mouth a couple times as if trying to talk, but then changing his idea, closing it again.

His head kept going back and forth between you and the pancakes. “But breakfast?” He said, looking at you. You shook your head slowly, licking your lips. 

“But they’re still warm...” he whined. You let your hand graze against your chest. “You could bring them to the bedroom with some whipped cream”.

His gaze sparked up in mischief, lips curling in a small smile. Pointing gun fingers at you he said: “I really, really love you.” Then he quickly prepped the ingredients to your spicy breakfast. You simply smiled. Mission accomplished.

Yoongi

Saturday night, you wanted only ONE REGULAR SATURDAY NIGHT. Nothing big, just staying in, maybe cooking together, maybe ordering some take away, dinner together, a bottle of wine, a film and then getting to bed at a decent hour. Getting something more than twenty minutes of Yoongi guzzling his food and then disappearing into his home studio, only to reappear at three am, sliding under the covers behind you, kissing your nape and falling asleep.

And on the side, maybe you also wanted some reminder of those early days, when he would never have enough of you, completely forgetting himself and taking hours to please you. You had complete respect for his job and you would never dare complain about his work ethics, but you wanted that meticulousness and attention aimed at something different - namely, yourself. Just for one Saturday night, just a couple hours.

So after you knocked at the door of his home studio at dinner time you got quite irritated when he said he’d join you later and asked you to close the door.

At that point there wasn’t much left to do. Getting rid of your clothes you wore your favourite accessory and wrapped yourself in a towel.

Knowing it could take a while, you got comfortable on the sofa facing the door of his studio, a book in hand and some snack to quiet down your rumbling stomach. After almost an hour of waiting you heard some shuffling from within his studio.

Yoongi aimed straight at the kitchen, not even noticing you on the sofa. You were outright insulted. You might as well have taken care of yourself.

Once he arrived in the kitchen he looked around, as if looking for you. He turned and finally noticed you on the sofa. “Babe?”

“Yeah.”

“Where’s dinner?” Then he wasn’t looking for you, but just for the food. Wonderful.

You put your book down on the coffee table and stood up, your towel still around you. You ignored his question and turned your back to him, walking to the bedroom.

Once you were right in front of the door you dropped your towel, showing the lovely harness he had gifted you for your first anniversary.

“Dinner’s right here. If you still know how to eat it.” You smirked.

Yoongi got completely still, his pout a lovely, perfectly round circle. He licked his lips a couple time, he brought his hand to his mouth and when he uncovered it his characteristic side smirk emerged, shortly followed by his sinful fingers combing his hair back. He didn’t even bother blinking, his stare fixed on you.

“I’m sorry, love.” He said taking a step closer. “I’ve been ungrateful lately.” Standing right in front of you, he caressed your cheek and kissed your forehead devotedly.

“Yes, you have.” You lamented.

“Then let me make up for it.” He looked for permission in your eyes, then he briskly grabbed the central ring of your harness and turned you around delivering a quick smack on your behind. “Get in the bedroom, sweetheart, we’re gonna be there for a good while.”

Hoseok

It was rare for Hobi not to pay attention to you. Usually the moment you called his name he would look at you right away, attention undivided, eyes and ears on you.

But today wasn’t that day. Your Hobi was currently online shopping after you decided to redecorate your apartment. Not that you didn’t love designing your new space together. Actually you loved it, but with his busy schedule and your frequent work trips you had little time together and you much rather spending it enjoying each other’s physical presence than watching him get more equipment for his studio and look for the right carpet to match the white leather sofa in the living room -- which, by the way, he could show you sending you the link even when you were on the other side of the world.

So trying to get the best of both of you being in the same place, at the same time, you decided to do that towel trick you had seen on tiktok and snatch his attention away from those expensive (and absolutely superfluous) home cinema speakers.

Excusing yourself, you left the room and took your sweet time getting ready for him, putting on his favourite lotion, some excessively bright lipstick and that necklace he had bought you (and that you never wore because you were too afraid to lose it). All wrapped up in a towel you happily went back to the bedroom where he was casually typing on his computer.

“I was thinking we might need to reorganise the kitchen, you know? We could use one of those kitchenaids-- Hey, I thought we were redecorating together! No way you’re going to take a shower now!” His brow furrowed in disappointment as he saw you in a towel.

“What if we did something else together?” You said as you dropped the towel. The grin on his face was immediate.

“Oh sweetie, that’s-- wow. Wow babe, that’s-- lovely.” He quickly closed his laptop and put it on his bedside table. “Is that the lipstick? That one lipstick?”

You nodded as you climbed on the bed.

“Oh jagiya, so pretty-- so hot-- all mine...”

“Take off your clothes and then take off my lipstick, please?” You smiled sweetly.

Hoseok had never looked happier than that.

Jimin

Jimin is the loveliest, cutest creature in the world and you adore him from the top of his head to tip of his toes. Your babyboy brought joy and tenderness in your life beyond belief, his sweetness swallowing your life in spotless splendour. Still he could be needy every now and then, turning to a sour, bratty mood whenever you couldn’t meet his requests. Which is exactly what was happening. Unfortunately your boss had required you to stay a little longer for an extraordinary meeting with some foreign client, which had turned to drinks, which had turned to dinner, which had turned to you sending a text to your boyfriend to inform him that you wouldn’t make it to your weekly film night.

You had arrived at his place at almost two am, only to find his bed empty. You switched on your bedside lamp: no Jimin.

You had a mild idea regarding his whereabouts. As you slipped on a robe, you ventured in the guestroom, where he was very likely sleeping. Indeed you noticed a pile of covers in the middle of the bed. You had very highly fucked up.

He had confessed that the feeling of you nuzzling in the crook of his neck under the covers was his favourite thing in the world so, if he decided to deprive himself of that, he must have been very angry. You decided you needed a treat to get on his good side again. And you had an idea.

You set the alarm quite early for the following morning, hoping you would get in the kitchen before him. Unfortunately you woke up to a cacophony of noises, coming precisely from the kitchen. So his revenge had begun. As you got there you noticed him noisily making his fresh orange juice, the news blasting from the tv. He turned on the mixer to scramble some eggs (he was so obviously trying to be loud).

“Good morning” you said, voice calm and sweet.

“Morning” he replied dryly.

“About last night-” you began.

He set the mixer on a higher level and pointed a finger to his ear, as if saying “I can’t hear you.”

You smirked and unplugged the mixer, then started looking for the remote - which he had surely hidden.

“What are you looking for?” He said, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

You switched the tv off with the buttons hidden behind the screen.

The house was now silent. “I am sorry about last night.”

“What about it?” He replied, offended, his eyes cast downwards.

“You know my boss...”

“Yeah, I know your boss. Maybe you should ask him to keep your bed warm.”

You felt the poison but rather than being offended, you thought you might have hurt him more than what you thought you had.

Wordlessly you retreated to the bedroom. When you came back a while later, you noticed Jimin watching a film on the sofa, a pout still on his lips, arms crossed.

“Jiminie.” No answer.

Time for the treat. As you got back to the living room, clad only in a towel, you started your sweet talking. “I realised that lately I’ve been neglecting my precious boyfriend. He’s always so sweet--” you took a step toward him, your praises growing more affectionate “-- and caring. And sooooo perfect. He’s the loveliest babyboy in the world.” You were now almost in front of him, but he just spared you a side glance. “So I thought I should show my gratitude, and show how sorry I am, and how much of a good boy he is,” and that was his undoing, together with the towel now laying on his lap and your naked body right in front of him. As he extended his arms toward you, you straddled him without second thought, his arms naturally enveloping around your middle and his head buried in your chest. “My lovely, perfect man.” You said, caressing his hair.

“It’s-- I’ve been very stressed lately. I just wanted to talk to you about it and then you said you were late and then I thought you wouldn’t come at all and I felt so under pressure.” He confessed.

“I’m here now.”

Taehyung

Okay, videogames were interesting but you? You had the looks of a goddess and you were REAL! Sure, maybe your boobs didn’t explode out of your corset like those ridiculous side characters, and your hips did not match the proportions of a watermelon, but still you looked pretty good. And most importantly you had actual desires and impulses. A bit more than a binary code and some strategic character design. You didn’t have extraordinary plans for the day, but you just wanted to spend some time with your boyfriend and drag him away from his liveplay with Jungkook -- the two of them saw each other almost every day so Taehyung could as well borrow you a couple hours of his precious gaming-with-Jungoogie time. “Tae, can you please turn down the volume, I’m trying to read.”

“Yeah babe”. But still, you continued hearing Jungkook’s voice from the headset and Taehyung kept half shouting directions in his microphone, every now and then mouthing a profanity or two.

Since Taehyung was so wrapped up in his game you decided to experiment that technique he had shown you a few weeks ago.

You came back to the living room in nothing but a towel, his foot bare against the marble floor.

Taehyung’s eyes were immediately on you. He batted his eyelashes quickly then his face opened up in the most enthusiastic, childlike boxy grin he could sport, eyes wide like saucers.

“Jungkook-ah, it’s happening, gotta go.” He interrupted the game immediately and removed his headset in a flash putting it on top of the coffee table in a brisk but delicate manner.

And now you had his undivided attention. “Come on baby” he could barely hide his excitement. “Let it fall.”

You raised an eyebrow and finally uncovered your nakedness.

The childlike, enthusiastic grin immediately matured into a dark, expressive gleam of his eyes and a stern, tight line at his mouth. Biting his lip, he brought a finger to his lips, the gesture hitting a switch inside you, making your cheeks heaten under his predatory gaze.

“I’ve been trying to get you to do this for weeks.” He said, getting on all fours on the floor and slowly crawling to you. When he was almost at your feet you stopped him, placing your toe against his chest.

“You have a lot of grovelling to do first.”

“I am more than eager to begin.” He said kissing your calf.

Those big-breasted girls might look interesting, but after all you were his goddess.

Jungkook

Gaming sessions with Taehyung and occasionally with Jin were absolutely normal for Jungkook. What wasn’t normal was the fact that he was doing that while being with you. Whenever Jungkook had time with you he tried to spend it together, talking, cooking, laying in bed watching movies, listening to music, working out, anything as long as it allowed you two to bond. Sometimes you also gamed together -- which made this improv gaming sesh with Taehyung even more suspect. 

And you knew exactly where all of this was coming from. 

A few days ago you had shown him a tiktok where a girl appeared before his boyfriend naked while he was busy doing something. He had blushed and teased you endlessly about you being a perv and people being absolutely shameless, saying it was just outright crazy. But still, you saw the way his eyes roamed down your body while you asked if it was all that bad. Your boyfriend was shy and even if he acted all judgey and quiet, you could tell that he wanted it. 

And since he expected the whole towel trick to happen -- he was quietly begging you to make it happen -- you had to find a way to truly surprise him. You were in the kitchen when you heard him grumble and puff out a breath. He paused the game and came in the kitchen. “You okay, Koo?” You asked. 

His mood looked slightly sour. “Tae left the game. Said he’s busy.” He huffed. “Do we have ramen?”

You pointed to the upper cabinet and watched him reach for it. His thin white cotton shirt showed the muscles of his back stretching and from the warmth spreading on your face and chest you immediately knew what to do. 

Rushing to the bedroom -- timing is fundamental -- you changed out of your clothes and into his robe. Spying him from the corridor you watched as he kept his back to you while putting the ramen inside the microwave. As you heard the ding of the timer, you watched as he took the ramen from the microwave. Swiftly nearing him, you hugged him from the back making sure that he put the bowl down (you didn’t want him to spill it and accidentally hurt himself or you). 

“What?” He said, neutral.

“Don’t you want some of this first?” You asked, making him turn around and quickly unwrapping his robe from your body. 

Jungshook meme: unlocked. 

It took him at least five seconds to regain control of his own brain. 

“You look so good, baby. Can I...?” He didn’t know what to do with himself. 

“Don’t you wanna eat first?” You asked, a lowering your eyes and biting your lip.

“Uhm.” You had officially sent him short circuiting. His eyes were fighting between instinct and decency. “Maybe later?” He said goofily.

You smiled your biggest smile and did a cute come hither gesture that made him trot towards you, throwing you over his shoulder and placing a big, playful bite on your outer thigh. “That’s a snack.” He exclaimed carrying you to the bedroom. “Now I want the full meal.”

[dipplie]

This is how I cope don’t @ me

1: Top 3 pets you wish to have Bunny, Mouse, pet bee 2: Top 3 Disney Movies Tangled, Zootopia, and a close tie between The Princess and the Frog and Wreck it Ralph 3: Top 3 OTPs Nick and Judy (I’m not a furry), honestly probably the other pairings from my 3 (4) favorite movies like Felix and Calhoun or Tiana and Naveen or whatever 4: Top 3 pick up lines Pick me up- no literally please just carry me around like sweep me off my feet no like ACTUALLY like ju- 5: Top 3 summer activities Lying in the grass, listening to music on the swings, drinking from the neighbors sprinklers because you didn’t bring water on your walk 6: Top 3 school memories    -Once in 5th grade we were doing an egg drop, and I put mine off till the day before, so my parents just gave me a jar of peanut butter, and I just put the egg in the jar, and when they dropped it from the school roof it exploded all over the pavement and left a stain for years.    -Another time in 9th grade, a couple friends and I wrote a giant “send nuds” in the snow beneath my friends next class’s window, and some other kids took a picture of it and spread it around, and like the whole school was talking about it for a day or two (though we denied it was us so we didn’t get in trouble).    -And in 12th grade the last day of the 3rd semester, my AP Psych teacher said “you know you guys might not come back after spring break since the covid-19 virus might come to America.” And half the class was like: “I hope so we don’t have to come back haha.” And then we went into lockdown for a year 7: Top 3 things you find attractive Being looked at, Being talked to, Being touched at all oh my go d 8. Top 3 shops I dunno man can I say Build-a-Bear Workshop I’ve never been there 9: Top 3 romantic dates Theme park, Aquarium, Build-a-Bear Workshop 10: Top 3 drinks Milk, Milkshakes, the color purple 

11: Top 3 spices/herbs oh my god im too white for this question I think doritios are spicy, SALT 12: Top 3 apps to use not tumblr 13: Top 3 months of the year not winter 14: Top 3 clothing items Skirt, Bows, Thigh-highs 15: Top 3 kinds of flower Daffodils, Buttercups, Dandelions (yes I’m aware they’re a weed) 16: Top 3 Christmas movies Home Alone 1, Those stop motion rudolph ones, the original grinch 17: Top 3 things you don’t/Won’t miss Angsty middle schoolers, Angsty high schoolers, Angsty people 18: Top 3 games Minecraft, Stardew Valley, All the Zelda games between 2002-2009 19: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows I really don’t watch actually T.V. shows I just watch anime sometimes maybe and youtube series man 20: Top 3 kinds of candy Butterscotch, Chocolate coins, Those little pebble chocolates that looks like fish tank rocks 21: Top 3 ways to exercise/be active Well I have an answer, but I don’t think I can say it~ 22: Top 3 spirit animals (I’ve heard something about this being possibly racist so I’ll approach this wish caution) Bunnies, Lambs, a pet rock 23: Top 3 petnames Honey, Muffin, Sweetheart 24: Top 3 places you’ve been to A yearly carnival my old town had once a year, Disney World even though I almost drowned there, The Arcade in my old town called Bananas 25: Top 3 most used websites Youtube, Tumblr (regrettably), Pintrest 26: Top 3 people you last texted My boyfriend, my friend, my co-worker friend 27: Top 3 hashtags you use imagine using the tags how they’re supposed to be used 28 Top 3 items you can’t leave the house w/o clothes (i’m really funny) 29: Top 3 guilty pleasures I write self-insert sometimes I guess 30: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take Psychology, Sociology, certain art classes 31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle My OC’s, My friends, inappropriate stuff 32: Top 3 aesthetics Cottagecore, Bloomcore, Wonderland 33: Top 3 things you’d buy if you gained three million dollars Pretty things, Cute Clothes and stuffed animals, therapy 34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself Buying pretty things, Wearing cute clothes and holding stuffed animals, therapy 35: Top 3 cartoon crushes Kyoya from OHHC, Mako from Kill La Kill, Marceline/Marshall Lee 36: Top 3 things to do in the snow Draw in it, make snow sculptures, eat it 37: Top 3 accents to hear Russian, Spanish, idk spanish 2 38: Top 3 scents Vanilla, Cream, Strawberries 39: Top 3 things to do in the rain Sit in the car quietly, make out probably, cry 40: Top 3 cupcake flavors Chocolate, Chocolate 2, Chocolate 3 41: Top 3 fruits Cherries, Strawberries, Grapes 42: Top 3 holidays to celebrate Halloween, Christmas, Valentines 43: Top 3 embarrassing moments My friend jokingly revealing my weird self insert fanfic I wrote in middle school (that was gross don’t ask about it) to my friend group, getting a constant D- in AP Stats the whole semester and the whole class secretly knowing about it, wearing an oversized minecraft shirt in my 6th grade school picture 44: Top 3 crayola colors Seafoam, Canary, Cotton Candy 45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college Get back into theater and actually be included and noticed, not cry in the bathroom, feel cared about by my classmates 46: Top 3 fanfictions you’ve read don’t ask me that you can’t ask me that the last fanfics i’ve read were in middle school  47: Top 3 people you miss right now My boyfriend, Two of my friends GJ, my dopamine  48: Top 3 fears Being hated, Being alone, Being abandoned 49: Top 3 favorite literary devices (oh god it’s been a minute hang on) Alliteration, Juxtaposition, Colloquialism 50: Top 3 pet peeves Saying one thing and doing another, trying to act like you’re being the bigger person by not choosing a side, constant self deprecation 51: Top 3 music artists AJR, 3OH!3, Fake Type 52: Top 3 bad habits BFRD OCD, speaking before I think, lately I’ve been lashing out  53: Top 3 ice cream flavors Cookie Dough, Bubblegum, Cheesecake 54: Top 3 meals you love Bread and cheese, cheese with bread, I like dairy and bread 55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime Where are we going, What are we gonna do, what are you doing onii-chan (im so sorry) 56: Top 3 dog breeds Small, fluffy, actually a cat 57: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood The Amazing World of Gumball, Courage the Cowardly Dog, y’all remember Might Bee??? 58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak Better French, More ASL, I guess Spanish would be useful 59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television) I like the first couple Saw movies but then it went kind of downhill, I eventually stopped keeping up with SU ad AT but they have lesbians now and we love that, and I guess I read Warrior Cats in middle school. 60: Top 3 pizza toppings Cheese, ???, that’s all I need 61: Top 3 youtubers you’re subscribed to Markiplier, Erolds Story, Wilbur Soot 62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas Little Flower earrings, Little flower tattoos, Little flower stuff 63: Top 3 awards you want to win love trust and affection  64: Top 3 emojis 🍄🐝🍋 65: Top 3 things you’d do differently have different parents 66: Top 3 places to be in the world In love, Back up, Purgatory  67: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid Lack of responsibility and pressure, Mental illness, Lack of shame 68: Top 3 baby names Penelope, Theodore, Sofie 69: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors Grape, Strawberry, Cherry 71: Top 3 turn ons People being patient with me, People treating me equally, Being touched kindly at ALL 72: Top 3 turn offs looking like Tyler1 73: Top 3 recipes you want to try Sugar spice and everything nice 74: Top 3 dream jobs Primary School Teacher, Child Consoler/Therapist, I dunno being a storytime animator sounds nice... 75: Top 3 lucky items Fidget Toys, Stuffed Animals, Random Office Supplies (you know the ones)

[commanderceleste]

Chapters: 18/18 Fandom: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Andy | Andromache of Scythia & Quynh | Noriko Characters: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Quynh | Noriko, Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Nile Freeman Additional Tags: fluffy af, as usual, Angsty shit too, Alternate Universe, Mission Impossible meets Uncharted, robin hood-esque, superhuman abilities, Not immortal, Oops, Nico is a cinnamon roll that must be protected at all costs, Joe is head over heels but hurting, Misunderstandings, Badass sassy lesbians who will tear down the patriarchy one creep at a time, Exotic locations, Party Crashing, bank heist, Escape from Prison, Maybe I'll take them to space, i dunno, Just having fun and building up anticipation, Enjoy!, What happened in Málaga?, kaysanova, Nile is finally here you guys!, also, Fowler. Andy's Rottweiler, He's so handsome I can't even, Some smut thrown in there too, Because I need some practice damn it, And it was actually kind of fun?, Slooooooooooooow burn, apparently, Booker is a bit of an ass, I love him in the film, But you won't like him as much here, probably, My first cliffhanger, i dig it, You might not, Things might get a little Uncharted-ish after this, Booker's on his way yo, Rating and Warnings have been updated folks, There is some blood and violence in this chapter, Sex talk in the last chapter, Woof, Spicy 

The End. 

Currently on: Chapter 18

Current Chapter Summary:

Haven – 8:30 a.m – January 13th, 2020

- Something on your mind? –

He huffs, equal parts pleased and grateful to have Nile by his side.

- You know me –

- I do, but I’m no psychic – She leans on the railing, leaving her crutches rest beside her - You want the wisdom? Spill –

He can’t bring himself to deny the aforementioned wisdom. Confidence is kind of a given when it comes to Nile.

- I wouldn’t even know where to start –

- Still halfway through my first cup of coffee, Joe. You know better than to test my patience before I’m on the second one –

[thesunnyshow]

Name: leyna

Age: 1X

Writing Blog URL(s): @jensungf​

What fandom(s) do you write for? nct (dream)!

Nationality: american!

Languages: english, vietnamese (spanish??? very bad)

Star Sign: capricorn sun!! 

MBTI: enfp-t hehe

Favorite color: lavender

Favorite food: beef chow fun/noodles

Favorite movie: our times!

Favorite ice cream flavor: chocolate chip cookie dough

Favorite animal: cats! 

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? hmm i’m not a big fan of either tbh but vietnamese iced coffee with a LOT of condensed milk is super good 

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): honestly idk! maybe an editor or professor who knows

Go-to karaoke song: “gee” by snsd or “if it ain’t you” by alicia keys

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? vocal-induced manipulation or basically power of persuasion with my words hehe

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? maybe the 90s! i really like the vibes and aesthetic

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? no bc learning is a part of life!

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? horse sized chicken hahaha bc horses are wild

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? drama queen LOLL

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? to an extent yes! 

If a genie gave you three wishes, what would they be? world peace, equality for all, and hmm true love in every life i live

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? i have 3k followers on pinterest hahaha weird flex

When did you post your first piece? april 2020!

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i write most fluff and angst or a combo! with some crack bc who doesn’t love some humor hahah

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? i write reader inserts

Why did you start writing on Tumblr? ive been writing on tumblr since 2015, just for diff fandoms bc i always loved reading fanfics and i wanted to become a better writer

What inspires you to write? other writings, real life experiences, dreams, basically anything!

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? i find fluff easier to write than angst but i like a good balance of all the genres! i rly like writing soulmate!aus for some reason or just some domestic fluffy established relationship stuff

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? i hope they can actually feel the emotions i’m hoping to convey from each character (referring to my more angsty works) or their sweet tooth gets satiated hehe

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? i try to read other stories or talk to my moots to help me!

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? i think my fav has to be only forever because it’s something that i feel like is really cliche but it actually represents the meaning of young innocent first loves. i reminds me of what someone’s youth should sort of feel like. my most successful has been jsmr: sugar and spice because who doesn’t love jsmr!jeno and some sweet fluff and a spicy make out scene 🤭

Who is your favorite person to write about? jeno or jaemin tbh

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? there is a slight difference because fanfiction provides you a sort of foundation with characters but to be honest, i believe that if you just switch the names and perspectives for most of the stories on here, it would become a bestselling hit because it conveys the same emotions and it’s just as enjoyable to read. the writers on here are truly exceptional. 

What do you think makes a good story? i definitely think little details and the nuances that add to the plot development and character development. most importantly, if a story evokes emotions from me and i can feel the story then i think it’s beautiful in itself. 

What is your writing process like? for me, i can come up with an idea based off of anything that might inspire me. like watching something, reading another story or just a dream i have. then i like to outline my stories by bouncing ideas with my best friend and from there once i figure out all the points i wanna hit i start writing! or for spur of the moment fics i deadass just start writing

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? yes, most likely. 

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? i love fwb to lovers and enemies to lovers! also soulmate!aus / tatbilb tropes cus i’m a sucker for cheesy stuff. i’m not a big fan of cheating/parent/apoc!aus or love triangles. oh and i can’t stand slow burn 😭

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? as someone who lives off of validation, it means a lot and motivates me to write my stories and post them! we put so much hard work into our stories, so feedback and engagement is honestly the least you can do 🥺

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i think just being in a community with other talented writers has taught me a lot!! and of course, having people read my work.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? yes! all the time. 

Do you think art can be a medium for change? yes, maybe not on a macro scale but personally definitely. 

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? sometimes, but i always try to pull myself back into why i really started writing. but writing for others helps motivate me. 

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? not on a serious level! it’s more so how details and events are interpreted but it’s fun to see how ppl have different perspectives on own piece versus your own vision.

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? yes!! not my family ofc but my close friends do and support me 100% and i’m forever grateful for this

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? thank you so much for everything you’ve ever done for me no matter how little or small it may seem, it means the world to me. 

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i think you need to realize why you’re writing and it’s because it brings you happiness, and you’re sharing your beautiful work out there and it has the possibility to change someone’s life whether it’s bringing them a little bit of joy or helping them feel emotions. you might discover things you never knew about yourself as well. 

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? not really! as of recently i’ve seen a lot of changes with the platform and although it’s a big struggle, i can’t regret it because it’s brought me so much.  

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? i’d hate to pick and choose because all my mutuals have really helped me in some way whether or not they know it because they inspire me, motivate me, and are just genuinely amazing people to talk to. but honestly talking to mary / @neostains​, nana / @nanasarea​, anie / @mjlkau​ have helped me open up from being shy and i appreciate them a whole lot. 

Pick a quote to end your interview with:  “to burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” - spanish poet federico garcia lorca

[chocosvt]

⚬ pairing: soonyoung x fem!reader. ⚬ word count: 12.8K. ⚬ warnings: drugs, alcohol. ⚬ genres: theme of unrequited love, friends to lovers, romance, a good dosage of angst, fluff to mend your heart, spiciness near the end.

✧✎ synopsis: there are lots of bits and pieces that come with being a best friend and soonyoung is certainly taking his time in figuring them out. was it right for his stomach to somersault at the sound of your laughter? was it normal his smile fell when junhui took your hand? he isn’t exactly sure what a best friend really is, but he’s sure of what it’s not.

✧✎ a/n: this was requested to me awhile ago! anon asked for a hoshi!best friend confession w lots of fluff. but ME being ME. i literally cannot write anything without turning it into some angsty, love-laced, fluffy fuckin roller coaster of ??? so..um.. yes… enjoy!!!

If Soonyoung had one wish, he would – without question – wish to glean the thoughts of others, to understand the precise lettering in their head when he stared them in the eyes. Sure, it was kind of lame in comparison to something like invisibility, the power of flight, a wish for a hundred more wishes, but he didn’t really care about those things because they didn’t apply in any way to the one thing he did truthfully did care about: you.

He knew he was rather eccentric to say the least, and maybe that caused some people to glance at him strangely, develop their own notions concerning his variety of behaviours. Soonyoung knew that you at first saw him that way too, and he was perfectly content with that. However the pathway into your thoughts soon became blurry when your relationship escalated.

Because at this moment you were ‘best friends.’

At least in the premature days of your friendship Soonyoung had been fully certain you thought him to be bizarre and oddly energetic. But things were largely different now. The more you know about a person, the more your head fills and fills with the shiny bits of their character; everything that makes them, well, them.

And sometimes the people you meet are so outstanding that you can’t even pluck one word down from a sky full of twinkling adjectives to describe them. So how was Soonyoung supposed to live comfortably when he looked deep within your eyes and couldn’t read their writing? What did you think of him besides a best friend? Did you ever let your mind wander beyond that? He was itching terribly to see within your mind.

Yet he was equally suppressing a fear that you could perhaps gauge into his own galaxy of notions, that you could fix the constellations together and see how Soonyoung’s thoughts about you delved much further than friendship. Hopefully if a genie ever approached you, you would never pick to have the same wish as him. You were more of the invisibility type anyways. 

Soonyoung was a dancer. It built into a passion that burned him hotter than bubbling wax, a compulsion to illustrate an entire story through the art of his movements.

Dancing invited more blessings into his life than setbacks. Twisting an ankle was temporary, but turning the lights off on Lee Chan to hear his high-pitched scream pierce through the practice room walls was forever. Aside from meeting Chan, Soonyoung came to know Minghao, the boy with a knack for photography.

He was always outside the studio at dawn taking pictures of cobwebs that sparkled with dew, or the mute colours belonging to the downtown street as they would blend against a soft, lavender sky. Soonyoung was so extraordinarily close with both boys that he thought it was time to start warming up to the studio’s newest addition, the sharp-featured, broad-shouldered, incredibly long-legged Wen Junhui.

The studio was full today. Chan was busy mounting his iPod to the doc station, Minghao was highly concentrated on tying his sneaker, and even you were there, sitting in a chair off to the corner sipping impetuously from a milk tea and thumbing through your phone. Soonyoung loved having you visit the studio during his training. There was such a prideful glow that encompassed his chest at viewing your complete awe of his performances.

Junhui was the last to arrive. He pulled off his long, wool trench coat and tossed it onto a hook after the duffle bag slid from his shoulder onto the polished floor. Beneath the heavy coat he wore a simple white t-shirt and black sweatpants. When Soonyoung caught a peripheral glimpse of himself in the anterior mirrors, he did a double-take, subsiding with the fact he was wearing exactly the same as Junhui, even down to the stripes along the leg.

There wasn’t much versatility available when it came to practice clothes. It was of course more appropriate if they were loose, comfortable, and breathable. Minghao was usually the one to come in a wide array of outfits since fashion was another dominant area of his life, but still, Soonyoung found his gaze trailing to the mirror a little too frequently to switch between himself and Junhui. He looked at you as well, but you had yet to note Junhui’s presence.

Not that it needed to be a competition.

“So, do you guys just jump in or…? Do you do some stretching, an exercise?” Junhui asked whilst swaying back and forth, his hands awkwardly digging into his hips.

Minghao looked at Chan, but Chan was looking at Soonyoung who was looking at you who was looking at Junhui. It was a mouthful, but the point was that Junhui wore the expression of tiresomely holding a grin much too long for a family photo, desperately waiting for someone to cut the tension and throw him a bone. Soonyoung was sort of the captain who orchestrated the practices, so he took initiative, pulled his gaze from you, and smiled warmly at the newcomer.

“Yeah, we do a bit of stretching first, and play some music to get pumped up. Minghao got you caught up with the choreography for our newest project, right?”

Junhui carded his fingers through his black hair, though the tresses simply flopped back to their initial curtain over his forehead. “Yes,” He then said, “I’ve got it all down.”

“Great,” Soonyoung replied enthusiastically, (he heard your muffled cackle escape the hand tightly woven across your mouth, but chose to ignore you), “Better get started then. How’s the music working, Chan?”

“It’s set up. Do you have any suggestions?”

Soonyoung saw you cross your legs and take a notably loud sip from what remained of your tea. He scoffed playfully at you and inquired, “Do you have a suggestion, [Y/N]?”

“Why yes, I do, thank you for asking,” You responded whilst eyeing him with a composure that suggested you were withholding laughter, “I think that you should play Life is a Highway for your warm-up song.”

Minghao snorted almost too quickly, “You’re so funny.”

“Shut up,” You toed off your flats before tucking your legs close to your chest, “You guys play the same three songs every time. I’m trying to spice up your boring lives.” It was then that your gaze fell upon Soonyoung, and for a split second a tiny, electric jolt smoothed up the length of his spine, the imploring glint of your eyes already sanding away his resistance.

“Please can you play something different, Soonyoung?” You cooed.

Like a wilted flower, he was far too weak to conjure the strength to protest. “Okay, okay,” He agreed, “But it’s Chan’s iPod. He has to have the song.”

“I have a suggestion,” Junhui’s dulcet voice suddenly intervened after remaining quiet amongst the dispute, naming some song Soonyoung had never heard of in his life.

Immediately you squealed from your perch, your hands flailing about, “I love that song!”

Soonyoung heard Junhui’s laughter for the first time, brassy and in short breaths, his face pulling taunt in a wide, ear-to-ear smile that let his teeth and their rosy gums show. You were beaming in Junhui’s direction, babbling on and on about the artist and your love of her music as the boy eagerly nodded and continued brightly laughing. Soonyoung felt his chest tighten, like it was trapped within a balloon that had just popped, the thin plastic pulling so harshly it was almost suffocating. The feeling only became more apparent when he looked between you and Junhui.

“I don’t think I have that song…” Chan mumbled as he flicked through his playlists.

Soonyoung breathed out almost gratefully, “That’s okay, we ca—,”

“I have it actually,” Junhui piped up, “Would you mind using my iPod instead?”

Chan shrugged, “I’ll hook it up for you.”

“Awesome,” Junhui chirped before diving into his duffle bag.

Minghao had finally popped up from the ground and was making his way across the room to grab a water bottle. Soonyoung joined him, and together they hovered at the opposing corner whilst Chan, Junhui and you included swarmed the doc station. Soonyoung couldn’t evade the manner in which his stare adhered to you beside Junhui, how you titled your head up at him, eyes seemingly enchanted.

There was a bitter taste washing into his mouth, though it certainly wasn’t the water. He felt Minghao nudge his shoulder, a warm chuckle then fanning against his ear,

“Careful with Jun, or else you might not have a best friend any longer.”

Soonyoung didn’t possess the right heart to laugh, so he feigned a lousy scoff and began walking toward the centre of the room, the music at last easing through the speakers and echoing between the glossy wood as well as the high ceiling. You returned to your chair, grinning with pleasure and chewing at the straw of your emptied milk tea. Soonyoung was stretching, occasionally tracing his movement in the mirror, though he faced ample distraction.

You usually watched Soonyoung stretch, but now you were watching someone else, and that horrendous, tight feeling in his chest stayed with him throughout all of practice.

Considering that Soonyoung spent nearly an entire day at the dance studio, he was expecting to feel nothing short of fatigue; a particular drowsiness that might tug at his eyelids until it became a chore to keep them locked open. Most days he went to the studio a little earlier than lunch so he could have an excuse to go out on the town and eat with his friends. Besides, they often played nonsensical games, such as whoever tapped the light switch last was the one to pay for the entire meal.

It was usually Chan who lost since he was always occupied with something else whilst his older friends were deciding the game. However, Minghao generously payed the most, taking advantage of a vacant table to call over the server whilst Soonyoung and Chan were discussing the scent of the soap in the washroom.

This particular morning, Soonyoung received a text bright and early from Minghao, his phone vibrating next to his disheveled, spiky hair as an amber spool of sunlight slanted through his curtains. The next thing he knew, he was standing on the bridge just a block down from the studio with Minghao kneeling across the street, setting up what he referred to as ‘an immaculate shot’ of Soonyoung against the sky’s flush, peachy pink colour, illuminated beneath the fire of sun rays.

“I just needed someone to model,” Minghao explained as they walked back to the studio together, “You were one of the first people to come to mind.”

“Awe,” Soonyoung crooned, the faint blush on his cheeks identical to the hue that blotted the sky, “Thanks.”

But then Minghao had to go and throw a bucket of water over Soonyoung’s happiness.

“Next to Junhui. You know, when I first saw him in the studio I wanted to ask if he had ever experimented with modelling. He’s quite defined, like his face was cut from marble or something. He opened up to me a bit when I was catching him up with our dance. He did a lot of acting when he was younger, went to one of the most prestigious schools in Shenzhen, and won first place in a bunch of piano and Wushu competitions. Can you believe that?”

There was that feeling again, that stupid bitter feeling that made itself painfully known by wedging into Soonyoung’s chest like a wooden splinter. He had only walked a short distance from the bridge, but he hardly contained enough breath in his lungs to even sound fascinated or deeply intrigued. Junhui had never given Soonyoung any reason to formulate malice toward him, so why was such a sullen atmosphere suddenly clouding his mood?

“He’s a pretty extraordinary guy,” Soonyoung commended whilst staring straight ahead.

Minghao huffed, sounding marvelled, “No kidding. I mean, yeah, he’s kinda odd, but he’s got a hundred lifetimes beneath all those trench coats. We should invite him to eat with us next time.”

Soonyoung wasn’t properly filtering his thoughts. Suddenly he scoffed, “Yeah, I bet he’s a world class chef too. He’ll just whip up the whole meal from thin air at the drop of a hat.”

Laughter immediately bloomed from Minghao’s chest, the younger then slouching an arm around a stiff Soonyoung’s shoulders and lightly punching him in his side, “I think he has some experience in cooking! Sounds like you need to talk to him more.”

“I think we talk plenty,” Soonyoung earnestly defended whilst steering away from his friend’s grasp, knowing that plenty in his own dictionary meant: ‘as much as I think is necessary, so probably once or twice.’

When Soonyoung was nearing the end of his day at the studio with Minghao, you made the decision to swing by and bring them take-out from a small family business down the street. He was so hungry that hardly any conversation clung to the air apart from slurping, chewing, and drinking noises. Minghao tried to be more civil in his eating, but Soonyoung had known you for so long that he could eat like a starved animal and still meet your warm, adoring gaze afterward.

You then walked back to Soonyoung’s place together, smiling and laughing and haphazardly bumping into each other as day faded into night, fully expecting to receive a brutal shove that made him stumble off the sidewalk in consequence. Whilst Soonyoung took a shower, you threw yourself happily onto his bed, flipping through old comic books that had the particular scent of aged paper and fiddling with his Rubik’s cube that never seemed to change colours apart from when you touched it.

Soonyoung remembered the few times you’d asked him why he kept all this stuff.

He always said something along the lines of, “Oh, y’know, I’m gonna start hoarding now so I can get on TLC,” when in reality it was a far fonder reason that engendered his skin to surge with an embarrassed but candour heat.

He kept them because of you. He was in love with the way you looked when you lay perfectly content across his bed still rumpled from morning, smiling faintly at the fragile, yellowed pages of the old comics he kept on the shelf because you always read them. He was in love with the whittled concentration on your face as you hunched over the Rubik’s cube he won at some spelling bee in the tenth grade, valiantly twisting the cubes, adorably huffing when it was never quite right.

Soonyoung was in love with how you were always patiently waiting for him to emerge from the shower, head poking up from the mattress, your eyes drawn to him as though he were brilliantly glowing. He never got used to the feeling of his heart jumping so profoundly in his chest when you fell asleep beneath his bedsheets either, even when you promised you could stay awake for ten minutes at least as he dried off his hair with a towel.

No matter how many times it had happened, he still felt the same. He still had this feeling that never quieted.

In fact, it blared incessantly when he was with you, demanded to be released because there would come a point when Soonyoung would be incapable of compressing it any longer.

Now that the day was approaching its final chapters, and the sky had bled out its soft, rosy colours into patches of cobalt and dark indigo, Soonyoung wasn’t at all exhausted like he expected. Maybe it was because he had you tucked close against his side, your leg strewn over his lap, your arm curled around his stomach like a tight wire that never lost its shape. He could feel the gentle warmth of your breathing tickle his neck as your head cozied at his shoulder.

Together your eyes were transfixed on the sea of stars that speckled the sky, stretching so far and wide you almost believed you could see the Earth’s curve. It looked like a silk sheet that had been pricked by a thousand pins, leaving tiny breaks of luminescence to shine through from a different world that perhaps constantly glistered with light. A few meters away at the floor of your feet burned a small fire, slowly crackling out its embers.

He was only in his backyard, yet having you pressed so close with entire galaxies looking down on him, Soonyoung felt that he could be in a paradise beyond anyone’s comprehension. It was his paradise, but it only became complete when you were in it with him.

And maybe tonight as you leaned against half an oak trunk, entwined beneath an endless sky and a fire prickling at your feet, its light capturing your expressions like a photo frame, would Soonyoung unearth the courage to confess his heart to you.

“[Y/N],” He hummed, rolling his shoulder gently, “You still awake?”

When you shifted your gaze to blink up at him, your faces were in such proximity that Soonyoung could count each of the golden flames that reflected in your eyes.

“I guess,” You replied, laughing slightly at your own humour, “What’s up?”

This was it, the perfect moment to confess, to put his one wish into action and finally comprehend the pictures your mind illustrated when he intruded your thought. Soonyoung hadn’t planned much to say in advance, he was more about spontaneity, seizing moments as they came rather than charging a current that would never crackle. There was nothing to distract you from each other, just the black sky and cool earth that remained silent as Soonyoung pressed you closer against him with the arm wrapped around your waist.

“Well, actually,” He began, knowing there was quite literally nothing that could make his confession any easier, “I want to tell you something, and I’ve been meaning to say it for a while now, but it’s not like, the simplest thing to tell somebody, especially your best friend, so if it sounds stupid and just totally incoherent then…”

You set your palm on his chest. The very second your stare met his frantic eyes that fluttered faster than a hummingbird’s wings, a weight dropped to the soles of his feet. How was it possible that someone could make him so downright nervous, yet so enamoured and spellbound at the same time? You giggled at how tongue-tied he was. Soonyoung’s laughter mixed with yours, but it was evidently uneasy and oddly breathy and the sincerity of your gaze had brought his heart to pulsate in his throat.

Your brow stitched together as your hand continued to lay on his chest, the mellifluous, innocent chime of your giggles replaced by accumulating concern.

“Gosh, your heart is beating a hundred miles a minute, Soonie. Are you feeling okay?”

No, he fought off the dire urge to scream, but somehow found a single tassel of composure to latch onto. He thought he would be able to elaborate, but then your hand rose from his chest and suddenly your fingertips were brushing softly along his jawline, stroking the sweltering skin with a gaze that could melt thick slabs of titanium. He wasn’t sure if you were attempting to calm him, but it certainly did the exact opposite.

You appeared so innocent beneath the moonlight, yet the fire’s orange glow ignited half your face with such an intense beauty he could hardly break his desire to kiss you right then and there.

Okay, Soonyoung thought, I know what I’m going to say. He’d swallowed the remaining taste of his fear, nodded confidently, and took your hand that sweetly grazed his jaw to hold within his own grasp. But then—

Something buzzed in your jean pocket. And then it buzzed again, and again, and again. You heavily sighed whilst fishing for the device, a lurid sheen bathing your face as you separated from Soonyoung to check your messages. His entire chest thundered to the floor, shattering as though it were a glass vase, his confidence and composure instantly seeping away like the water inside that once gave life to the vase’s beautiful flowers.

When you turned back to look at him, an apologetic glimmer in your eyes, Soonyoung had this sinking feeling his confession wasn’t meant to be tonight.

“I forgot I asked Junhui to pick me up. He’s waiting out front.”

Soonyoung nearly choked. “Junhui’s picking you up? Usually I drive you home.”

“I know, I know,” You replied quietly whilst staring into your lap, “But I thought you would be tired after such a long day, I didn’t want to bother you. Besides, Junhui was really happy to do it, you should have seen him.”

As much as Soonyoung yearned to argue, he wasn’t about to leave what was once a perfect and spectacular night on an unpleasant note. He simply nodded. Your heat that had encompassed his body drifted away into the night as he grabbed the pail next to the fire, silently dousing out the entrancing flames and glowing embers in a tiny hiss. He saw your frown when he set the pail down and led you inside, your arms folded over your chest as the cold air suddenly nipped into your skin.

“That thing you wanted to tell me,” You murmured whilst standing at the doorway to his front porch, “How important was it? Can it wait?”

Soonyoung opened the door for you, smiling half-heartedly as you ducked under his arm and waved at Junhui who had the car running at the end of the driveway. Figuring he should wave too, Soonyoung gave a lousy toss of his hand, this cloud that was heavy and depressing growing denser and denser in his chest by the second.

“It can wait.” Soonyoung really had no other choice but to make that his verdict.

You smiled meekly at him, giving his cheek a small pat before stepping off the porch, hands delving into your pockets as Junhui popped from the driver’s seat to open the passenger door for you. Soonyoung observed how the contours of your face brightened when looking up at Junhui, how your laughter was already echoing into the crisp, chilled air. He wasn’t sure how to describe the feeling that rung through his body at watching you two together.

Soonyoung could only think of the once brilliant fire that lost its heat, its strength, to the wave of water that snuffed out its radiance in a mere second.

Maybe he felt something like that.

Soonyoung sat on a patchy green sofa that had at least four broken springs, ten coffee stains, and twenty-five burnt circles from cigarette ashes, feeling the lowest he had ever felt in his life. He kept purloining Minghao’s silver flask of cranberry vodka and partial gin to take quick, impetuous gulps, hating how the alcohol hardly stung his throat because he was just so damn numb to everything. The party was probably approaching its climax, yet in lieu of enjoying the raw energy Soonyoung was stuck on the stoner’s couch.

Minghao was next to him, but not because he wanted to be. He was simply cognizant to the fact that when Soonyoung let his melancholy consume him, he became even more unpredictable and his behaviour could spike at any given moment. Minghao would rather not get trapped in the whirlwind of his friend’s rage, though he figured he could keep him settled with more vodka if that storm were to start brewing.

Wonwoo orchestrated the stoner’s corner like it was his own business, constantly offering the use of his chrome grinder and organizing his rolling papers in case anyone had the instant urge for a hit. He offered Soonyoung a joint at least three times already. Minghao had declined each invitation for him since the sole thing Soonyoung did was unresponsively stare into the distance, but on the fourth attempt, he finally seemed to break from his musing and accept it.

Using the elder’s lighter, Soonyoung leaned forward with the blunt between his index and middle finger, giving sharp little sparks to the end of the paper until it began to slowly crisp. It had been awhile since he’d last gotten high, but the wispy curls of smoke he exhaled off his lips transiently distracted him from what he’d been blankly staring at. You and Junhui were situated at the base of the staircase across the room, looking with very evident ardour into each other’s eyes, smiling, flirtatiously brushing the other’s cheek or arm.

You were dating him, had been for the past six months.

Well, at least now Soonyoung knew what had been most occupying your thoughts, and it certainly wasn’t him. That initial jab to the chest when you first gushed to him about your new relationship with Junhui was absolutely one-hundred percent terrible. He didn’t think the pain could get much worse. But then the hole in his chest where that jab struck began slowly collecting with this estranged poison. As it filled and filled, the poison seeped and seeped, spreading throughout his body with the burning sensation of a wildfire.

The fire seemed to irreparably char his nerves.

In the beginning it unbearably hurt Soonyoung to see Junhui hug you, kiss you, stroke his fingertips down to your hip before pulling you tightly against his body. But then he noticed himself feeling nothing at those same sights that used to be so painful; there wasn’t even a crackle, a fizzle or a hiss. If he were to glean one feeling, it was emptiness. As he blew the smoke in gentle puffs from his mouth, alcohol scorching hot in his veins, Soonyoung found himself looking at you again.

He supposed that beneath the ashes his heart still beat, and it still beat because it refused to give up on how he felt about you.

He darkly eyed the flask in Minghao’s lap.

“Give me that,” the boy suddenly barked at his friend.

“Are you sure?” Minghao posed with concern, watching Soonyoung eagerly take another hit off his joint before he left it on the coffee table’s ash tray. “Do you want to step outside for a minute maybe? Get some fresh air?”

Soonyoung growled, “Just give me the fucking flask.” He’d already swiped it from his lap, hastily spinning the cap off and taking a long, deep gulp of whatever alcohol remained.

He didn’t even grimace after shoving the flask back into Minghao’s grip, instead scratched a hand through his thick, black hair, further disarraying the strands. Wonwoo had pretty much rolled over in his seat at this point, counting invisible sheep that jumped on the ceiling, and everyone else occupying the stoner’s corner was too blazed beyond coherence to even take note of Soonyoung’s sudden aggression.

Minghao opened his mouth, then silently closed it, following Soonyoung’s clouded gaze to where Junhui had you pressed against the wall, hands slowly squeezing down past your hips to the black fabric of your pleated skirt.

The manner in which your fingers slowly plunged through Junhui’s hair and tugged wantonly at the strands suggested what your mouths were busy with. It certainly was far from conversation. Maybe then Minghao understood what was racing through his friend’s mind as he rose from the couch, using Minghao’s shoulder to steady himself.

“Be right back,” Soonyoung mumbled, not squandering another breath as he weaved his way between small congregations, leaving Minghao to sit on the couch in slight bewilderment whilst the cogs turned in his head.

Feeling emboldened, Soonyoung marched right up to Junhui’s broad backside, an unusual calmness steadfast in his blood even when he could hear the way you softly moaned against the boy’s plump mouth. It could have been the alcohol, it could have been the intoxicating aroma of the blunt still lingering in the dense air, or it could have been the fact that Soonyoung just didn’t fucking care anymore. He was determined that this would be the night he at long last confessed his heart to you.

“W-What?” Junhui stuttered when Soonyoung tapped his shoulder, turning around in a disoriented fashion, his eyes lasciviously hooded and lips shiny.

You appeared to recognize Soonyoung before Junhui had. Surprise leapt across your face like a tidal wave, and whilst Junhui was still processing that someone had interrupted his make-out session, you were harshly swallowing, appearing overwrought beneath the dim lighting.

“Can I talk to you outside?” Soonyoung said very firmly, making it clear he was speaking to you and you only by gently grabbing your wrist.

You licked your lips, eyes darting between your boyfriend and Soonyoung, seemingly unsure on whether you should agree or not. Soonyoung was well aware of the fact he most likely reeked of alcohol and marijuana, his hair was completely strewn in every direction, his gaze not the clearest nor was his patience concretely stable, yet he still prayed that above his manic state you would be able to connect with him. He needed you to share a moment of your time now more than ever.

“Please,” Soonyoung implored, hardly able to care about the desperation rife in his words, “It’ll only take a few minutes.”

Junhui parted the lust curtain draping across his concentration, finally seeming to acknowledge the situation. Well, more like the situation he was more or so not included in.

It was then, as your hand fidgeted to properly hold Soonyoung’s, fingers fitting like puzzle pieces between his own that the boy knew he’d gotten his wish. You stepped away from the wall your body was once pressed against a mere minute ago, quickly stroking Junhui’s cheek whilst murmuring into his ear, “I’ll be right back. Sit tight.”

Junhui blinked a bit mistily, but nodded, allowing Soonyoung to guide you out the front door where the cool night air dusted his skin and refreshed his senses. There weren’t many people out front. A majority of them were walking along the end of the road, talking on their cellphones, presumably calling someone to pick them up or asking a friend where they were parked along the line of blinking car lights.

Soonyoung didn’t want to be too close to the house, nor did he want to be right at the curb. He just wanted to place enough distance between himself and the party that he could hear his own thoughts. You didn’t start asking questions until Soonyoung pulled you beneath the overhanging leaves of a willow tree near the property’s edge, your eyes glistening in disconcertment against the darkness, fingers wrapped around Soonyoung’s hand so tightly that he could feel his circulation dwindling.

“S-Soonyoung,” He heard the dry gulp between your words, “What are we doing out here?”

He then let go of your hand. Instead, he cupped your cheek, caressing in slow, gentle passes along the heated arch using his thumb. It was like the entire world became shrouded in silence as his touch grazed your skin, burning profoundly, with the strength of a catastrophic supernova.

“I’m in love with you.” He spoke softly. The words sounded vastly different aloud in lieu of in his head.

Your expression marginally twitched.

“I-I… What did you just say?”

“I know that sounds so fucking weird for you to hear,” Soonyoung murmured, his thumb pulling back to rub circles upon the sweet spot just in front of your ear, “And I know I couldn’t have picked a worse time but… I’m just so sick of pretending like I don’t look at you every day, wishing I could be more to you. I need you to hear this. I just—I need you to know how I feel about you.”

Soonyoung couldn’t help himself. He’d never felt this consumed by your beauty. Titling your head back, Soonyoung admired you, allowed himself to mellow in the firm warmth of your cheek beneath his palm, how he could only wish to have you closer and whisper everything about you in which he was infatuated by. Every little secret he’d kept hidden over the years, he wanted to tell you all of them, place kisses on your skin in the places that made you tick between each confession.

A breeze then whispered between the swaying fronds of the willow. It delightfully swept upon Soonyoung’s skin and transiently cooled the raging pulse that was practically electric in his veins.

Perhaps he was entranced, but you were a gigantic question mark. Your lips were parted, yet they made no sound. He could feel your pulse thundering behind your ear, yet you stood so still. Never seeing your expression like this before, Soonyoung could only breathe with the faintest rise in his chest. Evidently you were lost, you were panicking, and your eyes were screaming at him with everything he couldn’t read.

Eventually you budged. Your hand rose up and your fingers wrapped around his wrist. The touch could have been everything Soonyoung wanted most in the world.

“Why are you saying this? It’s because you’re drunk isn’t it? Or you’re just high. You have to be, or else... Or else I don’t understand…”

But instead that touch pulled Soonyoung’s comfortable palm from your face and returned it to his side.

“It’s not because – I mean yes, I am a little drunk and a little high – but I’m being completely one-hundred percent serious right now.”

The sheen of your gaze was noticeably lacquering, “You mean as a friend though, right?”

With every word that pursed at your lips, Soonyoung felt his hopes deflating.

“No, not as a friend. I want to be more than friends,” He found himself being verbose, but he couldn’t help in expressing his heart, every sentiment he’d locked inside it for as long as he could remember. His words, they openly flowed, the heat that inhabited his body mounting. “I want to be with you. I want to take you out on dates, wake up next to you, kiss you at the end of every day. I want to be the only person who’ll ever get to touch you, make you breathless but so, so happy. I’m in love with you.”

Emotions repressed to the deepest whorls of his being were welling up within him like rainwater, “What isn’t clicking?”

“What isn’t clicking?” You were beyond flustered repeating his question, soaked in pure bewilderment that clasped onto you, made you involuntarily rigid and tightly wound. “What do you expect me to say to that, Soonyoung? What are you expecting to happen?”

He tangled a hand through his hair, burying his fingers close to the scalp so that it stung and kept him grounded. “I… I don’t know. But I can’t keep it inside anymore.” A look of pain slotted across his face. “I even tried confessing to you that night we were together in my backyard, with the campfire. But it didn’t work out. Even before then I’ve wanted to say something—anything to you, but it’s just so petrifying and I’d never had anyone make me feel that nervous before.”

You were no longer holding eye contact. Your stare was glossing the grass, the stray tatters of dry leaves that had blown in from old wind, your body frozen from how overwhelmed you were feeling. It was only mere seconds that trickled past, though it felt like agonizing hours before you spoke again. Your voice was as strong as tattered cloth, nothing but wisps struggling to remain together.

“But why wait?... I-It’s just that... That you waited so long— ,”

“It’s really not easy, y’know?” Soonyoung chuckled, though it crumbled away in seconds, in the time it took his hand to collapse back at his side. “Having to pretend that you’re not in love with someone? That fucking eats away at you, [Y/N]. It’s the reason I’m telling you this. I just... I don’t want to be miserable anymore, thinking I’ll stop feeling this way about you when I know how untrue that is, when you’re on my mind twenty-four fucking seven and I can’t even sleep because of it.”

There was this sensation pushing at his tear ducts, incredibly hot, scalding even, but he was able to blink it away. However, perhaps you weren’t as tuned at concealing your emotions. A sniffle suddenly pervaded the silence and Soonyoung saw you wipe your hand beneath your eye, your stature shrinking inward akin to a flower kept hidden from the sun.

“I-I’m sorry, Soonyoung. I didn’t know you felt this way… I didn’t know it was bringing you all this pain and I—,” Your tongue peaked out to wet your lips as your fists clenched, nails burying upon the fragile flesh like crescent daggers, “I don’t know what to say to you. I-I don’t. I’m so fucking sorry. I just don’t have the words right now.”

In an instant his expression earnestly softened.

“Hey, c’mon,” He cooed whilst pulling down his sleeve to dot the first tear that had slipped down your cheek, glistening like a little pearl. He knew in the case of a sober Soonyoung, it would be impossible for him to formulate malice toward you because you couldn’t reciprocate his feelings. As elated as he would be for you to return the sentiment, there was still much for you to process.

However, with the weight of the alcohol and the intoxication of the blunt, he was far from sober. He could feel it dragging him down, could feel disarray teetering at his brain’s forefront like a performer balancing on a tightrope.

“It’s not at all your fault, okay?”

Yet he did his best to soothe you, to flatten the creases of your pain. Soonyoung moved timidly, unsure of whether he should pull you into an embrace, but as you sniffled once more and clutched the sleeves of his hoodie in need, he was gliding his arms around your neck, gently resting your head against his shoulder where he knew you were bound to find solace.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, sweetheart.” Sounded his tender murmur.

It almost felt like a dream, the fact he could stand here with you forever, beneath the slight rustling of willow branches brushed silver and the cool air that ghosted his skin in the gentlest reassurance. Clocks were turning, though the world certainly felt still where you were standing, seconds adding up into minutes as your hair tickled his nose and made Soonyoung smile to himself.

But there persistently remained a shadow prowling at his awareness, the live wires that sparked his senses becoming increasingly dull as the alcohol and marijuana burrowed deeper into his blood. For a fleeting moment he felt like he could be floating, almost as though his body were more weightless than the air sweeping his flushed face. Soonyoung suddenly wobbled. At first you didn’t seem to pay much attention, until his condition then veered toward the inevitable and he swayed slightly before leaning a little too far into you.

Soonyoung felt you shift in his arms.

“Are you okay?” You squeaked, but he couldn’t focus on even a single sector of your body as the rush to his head continued pumping. All Soonyoung registered was that you had stepped away from him.

“M’fine,” Came his slurred response. He stumbled a few misplaced steps toward you before finding his footing. Whatever composure and reason he once possessed, it was slipping, fast.

Your hands gripped his shoulders to steady him. Peaking up at him, watery-eyed and innocent, your mouth then opened. For a split second Soonyoung believed he was truthfully going to hear those three words echo quietly to him and his blood began boiling hot enough to bend metal, the world slightly spinning beyond your frame. Yet instead you were stepping away.

All that remained attached was your hand in his.

“Soonyoung, listen, you need to reunite with Minghao. Those drinks, whatever it was that you smoked, it’s getting to you, alright? We should really go back insid—,”

“Are you in love with me?” He blatantly interrupted, blinking widely and unconsciously speaking louder than beforehand.

Soonyoung watched as your mouth slowly gaped, heard the fluttering of a sentence catch in your throat. It seemed that very meticulously, you were choosing what to say.

“I... I love you but, not in the way that... I mean, I think you’re a really, really phenomenal friend, Soonyoung, and I value what we ha—,”

An impulsive flare whirled to life inside him. The sole thing that seized his body to the same amount as his alcohol and half-smoked joint were his emotions. He couldn’t evade how he cut you off, the words that catapulted from his tongue so distanced from what he would have said in his right mind.

“Don’t do that,” His voice sounded like it was going to split, heart plummeting faster than an anchor to its sand bed beneath the sea, “Y’know I want to be so much fucking more than that. I-I want you, need you, please.”

“I know, Soonyoung, and I wish more than anything that I had the words for you,” You unsteadily warbled, your lips trembling whilst an unprecedented type of hurt cracked between your words, “ I’m so, so sorry, but I just… I-I can’t. I’m with Junhui, and I’m committed—,”

Soonyoung sharply squeezed your hand, an abrupt, indignant pain welting on his tongue, “Y’re with him? When you walked away from getting fucked to be out here with me? With him but y-you’re always staying the night at my place... Fall asleep n’my bed, wear my sweaters in your underwear, kick your legs over my lap so you can have my h-hands on your skin. Say you’re with him but what do you really feel?”

“What are you doing?” A hiss ruptured your voice and the tone drastically flipped. “I’m still out here with you because I genuinely care about your feelings and want to hear you out. You’re the one trying to force this narrative that I don’t actually want to be with Junhui. How do you know what I’m feeling, Soonyoung? How do you expect me to walk back into that fucking party and face my boyfriend knowing my best friend just said he’s in love with me?”

Fingers sheathing tightly into the skin of your hand, he pulled you back into him, looking you square in the eyes. He saw how they pooled with constellations of emotion and turmoil, and they might have looked strikingly similar to his own if it weren’t for the alcohol masking the dark ore of his gaze, the lingering potency still settling from his joint.

“How do I know what you’re feeling? I know because I’m your best friend. I know you better than Junhui ever will.”

With your chin pointed up at him, leaning in so close Soonyoung could see the slight bruising on your lips from Junhui’s kisses, he had to fend off the overwhelming urge to cup your face in his hands – to do exactly what Junhui had done when your body was flush against that wall. Soonyoung wouldn’t care if Junhui walked outside and saw either, if the entire party rushed from within the house to watch his lips connect with yours beneath the willow tree.

Still, he knew there was no way he’d won your heart. In fact, through the thickening of his daze, he knew he’d made everything ten times worse. Instead you huffed at him, snapped your hand free, and whipped around with word that Minghao would be sent to fetch him. You abandoned him beneath the moonlight’s solemn rays, the canopy of drooping branches that enclosed him akin to a metal cage.

The most agonizing part of it all – Soonyoung having to accept the fact that maybe he didn’t know you as well as he thought he did, that all his wishes seemed to crumble when he needed their magic most.

“It’s almost ten o’clock. Did Junhui forget to roll out of bed or something?”

Chan was lying on the shiny hardwood, his arms stretched out behind him whilst he stared into the ticking clock above the mirrors. There had never been a time where Junhui was late to practice at the studio. He didn’t exactly prefer waking up at nine in the morning, which he made very apparent in his texts to the group chat, sending bathroom pictures of himself angrily brushing his teeth with his hair still spiked up on one side from his pillow.  

No one really knew how to respond to the pictures. Soonyoung used to say he only sent them despite just having flopped out of bed because he thought he looked good.

“I don’t know,” Soonyoung replied from his sitting position against the wall, using the outlet next to the coatrack to charge his phone, “Maybe he forgot to turn on his alarm.”

Chan sighed heavily and got to his feet, “Well, I don’t feel like waiting around. We can start the warmup without him.” He then mumbled something about getting his iPod set up, along with listing more reasons as to why Junhui could be late.

Soonyoung wasn’t sure, and he wasn’t really listening either. He hadn’t gotten a message from you in the past couple days, therefore drawing out this strange obsession that included him ceremoniously checking his phone for something that wasn’t even there. Before his confession at the party last month, you messaged Soonyoung quite frequently.

Before you started a serious relationship with Junhui, you had texted him every day.

The bond between you undoubtedly shifted, and Soonyoung believed that the world hadn’t felt like a real place since he poured his heart out to you beneath the weeping willow. When you whipped around and thundered back inside, Soonyoung remained outdoors, staring at the soil your presence had occupied mere seconds ago, unable to feel the cool breeze feather at his cheeks or hear Minghao’s shouts of his name when you had approached him spitting fury.

Word spilt before it even had the chance to be trapped.

Like sand grains slipping through a tight fist, it appeared that everyone and their dog was cognizant of Soonyoung’s confession, his little crush that actually wasn’t a crush at all, but a deep, profound love that he couldn’t ever seem to make tangible. You couldn’t even stand next to each other outside the entrance to the lecture hall or sit next to the other on the bus without the knowing gazes splaying across your skin. A few times you’d both gotten unbearable jokes. “Just kiss her already!” or, “I hope you’re being loyal, huh?”

They would always smile ear-to-ear afterward; crinkle their noses before swinging their hand like it was no big deal, saying, “Oh, I’m just kidding!,” As if the air between you wasn’t already thick enough to slice through like butter.

Of course, this concluded that Junhui caught wind of the details concerning that party and its events, in which Soonyoung had indeed unabashedly confessed to his girlfriend beneath crisp moonlight, surrounded by the shimmering locks of an almost fairy tale-looking tree, hands holding hands and breaths so close they mingled. It sounded quite romantic and definitely something to be alarmed about.

However, Soonyoung made the decision to pull Junhui aside before their first practice after the party to explain that he shouldn’t worry, that you were completely infatuated by Junhui and that his presence in your life was a far greater focus than Soonyoung’s own presence. It was inexplicably awkward, especially as Junhui only looked at Soonyoung with impassive, blinking brown eyes and a parted mouth.

“It’s okay,” Junhui told him, “I’m not scared that she would run off with you or anything.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung responded, firmly slapping him on his broad shoulder, “Definitely not. You guys are great. I just want to put this behind us.”

But Soonyoung never really truthfully, “put it behind him.” He was still in love with you to an extent that couldn’t fit within the universe. It was indescribable. His confession merely scratched the surface of what he truly felt, yet love could be such a complexity that it was best demonstrated through actions rather than words. Well, that’s what Soonyoung learned at least – his words had certainly not been enough. He could only continue to support you as a friend, even if it felt akin to a knife twisting through his heart at times.

Spiraling back to the present, Soonyoung finally looked elsewhere rather than his phone as Minghao returned from the washroom, stretching his arms high above his head. He paused at the corridor, taking in the brightness of the studio as sunlight shone through the windows.

“So, he’s really not coming, huh?” Minghao rasped as he continued his stretching.

Chan was still focusing on the doc station, scrolling through the playlists on his iPod. “Are you talking about Junhui?”

“Yeah,” Minghao sighed, speaking presumably, like Chan and Soonyoung were already supposed to know the reason for Junhui’s absence.

“Did he text on the group chat?” Chan asked.

Minghao’s brow suddenly pinched together, his face hollowing, “Uh… No, he sent it to me only. But—Oh my god! That means you don’t know what happened!”

Soonyoung then felt his phone buzz in his hand.

“What?!” Chan exclaimed after tearing his attention away from his music, entranced like a little child witnessing a magic trick, except the magic was replaced with modern day drama, “Tell me! What happened?”

Peering down at the white light of his phone screen, Soonyoung nearly choked, his eyes opening wide and gleaming almost skeptically as he repetitively read the message, scanned the ID of the person who had sent it to him. Minghao begun speaking quietly, his voice shushed, as though the information he possessed was extremely confidential and ears all over the nation were intently listening.

However, Soonyoung knew he couldn’t stay; in fact he was already leaping to his feet whilst Minghao beckoned Chan over and said,

“Well, Junhui and [Y/N]… They broke up last night. And to make matters worse, Junhui was planning on saying the L word too.”

Chan gulped, “Love?”

“Yeah,” Minghao solemnly nodded, “But, I don’t know, she broke it right off in the middle of his confession. He’s devastated and that’s as much as I know. I figured he wouldn’t show up to practice.”

“Wow…” Chan touched his fingers to his lips, wearing a highly perplexed expression as he seemed to entre a personal musing. But then he was calling for Soonyoung who was in the midst of hastily wriggling on his pullover, grabbing for his duffle bag at the same time.

“Soonyoung, did [Y/N] say anything to you about—Hey! Where are you going?”

His head suddenly popped free from the collar, a hand ruffling out the black fibres of his hair as Soonyoung quickly glanced down at his phone.

“Something came up,” He coughed into his fist, “I probably won’t be back. I’ll explain everything later!”

Minghao hardly grasped the chance to bark out, “What the hell are you talking about?” Before his friend had shot straight like a bullet toward the door, practically toppling onto the sidewalk and grunting an impetuous apology to some lady he ran into. Soonyoung felt the burning singe of his friends’ eyes (not to mention the lady herself) at the back of his neck, watching him dart away from studio without a clue as to what provoked this unprecedented urgency.

All they had to understand was that he would explain himself in the future.

All that Soonyoung had to understand was one simple thing.

[Y/N | 9:58am]: can you come over? please. i need you.

He knew he was a bit late the second he arrived at your porch, the wooden, faded blue steps creaking beneath his weight and his heart ferociously pumping. Soonyoung brushed a hand against his sore ribcage as he knocked on the door, waiting in an anxious coalescence of overwrought nerves and a budding hopefulness. On his way over he’d passed by his own house, which prompted Soonyoung’s decision to shove his duffle bag through his bedroom window to discard the troublesome weight.

However, he then had a small epiphany, found himself climbing and squirming through to grab something that he was unable to leave without.

The doorknob jiggled.

Soonyoung stood in the sweetened, morning air, the birdsong turning into blurred background noise as his breath hitched and the moisture in his throat dried up, waiting for you to appear. Though when the door at last swung open and the sunlight twinkled in the wet depths of your eyes, the sight reminded him of why he charged here in utmost determination. A mess stood before him to put it kindly, still dressed in yesterday’s clothes – so distraught that your lips quivered, bitten bright like rubies, so emotionally drained that once glossy tear tracks turned to matte patterns on your cheeks.

Defeat had spun you around its orbit for far too long. You couldn’t even speak, just glanced at Soonyoung and hiccuped in the preluding fashion of a sob.

Immediately he’d stepped past the doorframe – every bittersweet word of his confession, every aching memory of your relationship with Junhui, every argument you’d ever had completely erased from his mind. Soonyoung solely focused on your comfort, planting his gentle hands against your cheeks, massaging away the damp film that slowly reformed beneath the sore skin of your eyes. His thumbs picked up the tiny, glistering beads and swept each one away.

Your fingers shakily kneaded into his waist, twisting the thick fabric of his pullover as though it would absorb and alleviate your pain.

“You’re okay,” Soonyoung lilted softly, “I promise you’re okay. I’ve got you now, and everything’s gonna be alright.”

Despite your strength being quite meek at the moment, Soonyoung could feel the loop your arms formed around his waist had infinitesimally tightened. Your body surged with the faintest flicker of energy as he rubbed his thumbs upon the warm skin of your temples, pressing a kiss to the space between your brows. As you breathed in tatters, the unstable warmth ghosting at his neck, Soonyoung kissed the space again, this time his touch lasting a bit longer, the tautness of your frame that was like a crossbow slowly loosening.

“S-Soonyoung,” He heard you breathlessly croak whilst blinking at him wetly, “W-What’s w-wrong with me?”

Soonyoung gave your face tender squeeze, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that soaked from between your lashes, “What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong with you, baby.”

But you immediately shook your head, a hiccup sounding at the back of your throat as you grabbed onto his waist harder. “No, no, no,” You chanted, “Please don’t lie, Soonyoung. I hurt you a-and then I h-hurt J-Junhui. That’s all I do a-and I don’t know why. Why do I do this?”

He sighed, the strained cadence and desperation in your voice newly pronounced to his ears. This state of agony you’d wilted into was uncharted territory for Soonyoung – he had to be careful and delicate with his choice of wording. After sticking his arm out to close the door, he took a light grip on your chin using his index finger and thumb, pointing your face upward where he could examine your expression in clarity. You had inflicted pain into his life, yet he could never get angry at you for it.

“Try not to be so rough with yourself. You’re a gorgeous, strong girl, and people are going to fall for that, okay?” Soonyoung humoured slightly, knowing that was merely a sliver of the reasons he’d fallen for you. Still, there remained a serious nuance in his tone. “People are going to come into your life, they’re going to evoke feelings from you, and you’ll evoke feelings from them. Just because those feelings don’t always match up, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”

His thumb stretched out to stroke your jaw, his gaze warm, flaring in amber hues reminiscent of honey.

“You have so much time to discover what you want in your partner. They’re gonna come along one day and sweep you right off your feet, all these things you worry about will turn to dust. I know that for a fact, trust me. But for now, please just focus on yourself, sweetheart. You need some time to heal, alright?”

A cast of sunlight shafted through the glass on the door, pooling in a melted, golden stroke across your face. Audibly you gulped and sniffled, blinking at Soonyoung against the heat of the sun’s ray before returning back to his shoulder, your nose softly pressed to his neck where he could feel that your breaths had exponentially calmed. He smiled, his palm rubbing up and down along your spine, gently easing whatever small sobs you had left into open air. It wasn’t until your arms loosened around his waist and your voice quietly rustled by his cheek that he stopped.

“S-Soonyoung,” You feebly squeaked his name.

“Yeah?”

“Do you… Do you have something in your, um, pocket?”

That’s when it came to him. His face lit up as he dug his hand into the pocket of his pullover, your expression incredibly perplexed as Soonyoung pulled out his Rubik’s cube.

“I do actually,” He chuckled, “This thing! I had to run by my house to come here, and I had my dance bag with me. So I just shoved it through my bedroom window. But then I saw my Rubik’s cube and thought… Well… I dunno really. Maybe it would like, relax you or something since you’ve always liked playing with it. It doesn’t make a lot of sense when I say it out loud.”

He spilt into a wide smile at hearing your laughter. Maybe it trembled slightly and foretold the start of a deep exhaustion, but it allowed Soonyoung’s heart to feel less heavy.

“No, it makes sense,” You giggled, pawing beneath your nose, “I just— I can’t believe you would think to bring that.”

Soonyoung shrugged, speaking with such casualness as he said, “Well, I’m always thinking of you, so.”

Your mouth opened slightly for a transient moment, revealing nothing but a black diamond gap until you seemed to shake away whatever thought plagued your mind. You took the Rubik’s cube from Soonyoung and then looked back into the corridor, sniffling whilst you touched the wall with your hand before sinking down to sit on the floor. Without having to think, Soonyoung slouched down snug beside you, shoulder to shoulder, leg to leg.

Already you were working the different panels with a dexterous speed. Leaning his head against the wall, Soonyoung watched silently, though enjoyed thoroughly. The silence was tranquil and continued as the sun began etching higher and higher into the eggshell blue of the sky, a dusty sea illuminated in warm, caressing light as floating particles shone through the glass door.

He felt a faint weight on his shoulder, peeked down to see you resting against him.

Swallowing as discreetly as he could, Soonyoung harnessed the courage to set his hand on your bare knee, his lips curling when you didn’t protest, just continued to fiddle and experiment with the cube. However, his lungs were teetering on the edge of shriveled leather as you momentarily paused your game to grab his wrist, move his hand higher up your soft, smooth skin until you placed his touch at the inside of your thigh. White speckles tingled in his peripheral vision. He wanted to pinch himself just to ensure he wasn’t dreaming.

“Is there anything else I can do to make you feel better?” Soonyoung asked whilst peeping at the game from above your head, squeezing the warm skin of your thigh reassuringly.

There was a pause the scope of a heartbeat.

“Stay.” You then replied.

So he did exactly that.

It was a somewhat late night at the studio, a couple rotations past nine o’clock, the streets slowly but surely beginning to teem as most prepared to embark on a Friday night escapade. Minghao had gotten out of the shower fairly quickly, but Chan must have aimed to dawdle or maybe take a nap beneath the soaking hot water and webs of steam. There was hardly any heat left, even when Soonyoung cranked the handle all the way to the right, into the red section.

Still, it felt rejuvenating to peel the sticky clothes from his skin that had once adhered like paper-mâché and stand beneath the water, his eyes closed, hair swept back from his face, hands gliding and scrubbing the ache from his muscles. Minghao had come up with the idea to go out and dine, so whilst Soonyoung would usually be at home at this point, snuggling into bed, probably thinking about he could fall asleep so much easier with you in his arms, he was instead getting ready to stuff his face.

Not that he would ever complain about such a thing.

Roughly two weeks had passed since Soonyoung cradled you in his arms, your tears absorbing into the fabric of his pullover, a hand soothing down your spine in an attempt to crease out your self-loathing. Two weeks had passed since you sat together in the corridor, his gaze trained to how you maneuvered his Rubik’s cube, almost on the brink of solving its puzzle until there was a single panel that didn’t match and you huffed in sheer frustration. The cube was still sitting on your dresser.

Soonyoung never bothered asking for it back. He figured you could make much better use of it than he ever would. Little by little, it felt like your friendship was padding its way back to its golden era, where life wasn’t so serious and there wasn’t this attribute of stiltedness whenever you were alone together. Junhui seemed to be feeling better too. He started arriving at practices a week after the break up, though it was impossible to truly read the writing on his heart. He was an actor after all. Maybe he was just immaculate at hiding his truths.

Unsurprisingly so, Soonyoung’s utter affections for you remained unyielding. When he believed you had attained remarkable stability back into your life, he made sure you were aware of this, in which his emotions were quite possibly never going to change. He wanted to make sure you were okay with everything – that you were okay with his thoughts about you, what he felt when he looked at you, that his desire to have you wasn’t something that imbued discomfort.

Soonyoung remembered telling you this by his campfire as you stargazed together, except there had been no interruptions.

Once he’d gotten out from the shower with a towel rubbing his hair dry, he could faintly hear the muffled conversation shared between Minghao and Chan.

They were speaking quietly, which Soonyoung found rather peculiar considering there was no one else occupying the studio apart from the three of them. He swore that your name as well as Junhui’s had popped up multiple times in the same sentence. Soonyoung was completely aware both you and Junhui were going to be at the dinner. Sure, it was off-putting and questionable, but you were mature and would know not to start anything to create an awkward atmosphere.

Hell – Soonyoung thought that even Wonwoo was invited.

However, Soonyoung’s curiosity was far too puissant. He couldn’t evade pressing his ear against the door, a smirk prancing up his lips as he strained to hear the conversation. It couldn’t be that fucking terrible, probably something about how it would be a little unsettling to have you and Junhui in such proximity.

But then—Oh no, Soonyoung’s jaw had bloomed with rust, nearly unhinging from its bone and clattering to the floor.

“Why are we whispering again?”

“Shh! Chan if you don’t lower your fuh— I mean fabulous voice, I said I was going to explain!”

“Sorry.”

“I-I have some news, but don’t start yelling, okay? Anyways, [Y/N] isn’t meeting us here and walking to dinner with us anymore.”

“What? Why?”

“Well… She’s going to Junhui’s apartment before instea—would you pick your mouth up off the floor? She’s going over to Junhui’s apartment beforehand.”

“How did you find that out?”

“Junhui told me. She texted him and said she wanted to come over.”

“Do you think she wants to get back together? Maybe she changed her mind and does love him. ”

“I have no clue, Channie. I really have no clue. But Junhui’s had some stuff he’s really wanted to say to her. Maybe they’ll come to the dinner as a couple, maybe not.”

“Damn, this is going to destroy Soonyoung. I… I—,”

“I know, and that’s exactly why we’re not going to say anything to him. We shouldn’t assume. We’re not going to assume. He doesn’t deserve this.”

Soonyoung wasn’t sure what the pain felt like exactly. There was nothing physical that could come close to its depth, its unbeknownst strength that abruptly flared within him so potently he could feel even his blood vessels concaving. He just knew it hurt. He knew that sensitive wounds recently set to heal had been torn up without warning, and they poured open, pouring and pouring as Soonyoung’s head thumped against the door, wanting to rail his fist through the wood if there had been no one there to witness him.

Actions weren’t solely reserved for testaments of love. They were just as representative of anger and heartbreak as they were anything else.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

Minghao posed as set his handbag around his shoulder, Chan standing next to him and shyly tugging at his fingers. They both gazed worrisomely at Soonyoung who sat on the table with the doc station, dressed in a fresh t-shirt and black sweatpants, not exactly the primmest attire for dining at a somewhat sumptuous restaurant.

“I never said I wasn’t coming, but I feel kinda sick right now. I might join you guys later.” He heartlessly defended, his arms lying like cement blocks in his lap.

Chan gulped nervously, “Y-You don’t have to make something up if you don’t want to g—,”

“I’m not making it up!” Soonyoung unabashedly snapped, leaning forward slightly and fists harshly balled to collect the energy in his outburst.

Chan didn’t flinch, but he most definitely looked drained, his face paling to that of morning frost. Minghao clearly read the situation much better than Chan, suspicions dangling at his mind’s forefront, however he wasn’t about to voice them and further collapse the situation when what he’d been craving all week was a relaxing dinner, some smooth music, a glass of wine to swallow his stresses to. Instead of interrogation, he decided to give Soonyoung the quietness and air he evidently needed, simply nodding his head with a tight lip.

“I hope you feel better,” Minghao said whilst patting Chan on his shoulder, “We should really get going though. There’s no pressure for you to show up. Do what you feel is best.”

Soonyoung leaned back against the wall, his legs bobbing as they hung over the edge of the table.

“Thanks.” Was all he muttered before Minghao and Chan left the studio, the enticing bustle of nightlife sounding for a mere fraction, until the door clicked shut and Soonyoung was left to kick his feet as cars sped past beyond the studio’s glass window.

Soonyoung was unsure of how long he sat in silence, his head titled to gaze upon the luminescent families of stars that gathered in the black sky. He couldn’t see the moon from his position, but he knew it shone brightly, a silver-bluish glow bathing the polished floor like an ocean light. If there happened to be a thing or two on his mind, it was a question rather than a sentiment.

How could you do this? You seemed to allow yourself to slip so effortlessly back into Junhui’s reigns, as though you were a tiny leaf on the pond, simply following the current that tugged you downstream.

Even when Soonyoung thought he could read you, it only took mere seconds for that confidence to be erased, yet there always remained a lifetime of pain that jabbed him wherever it hurt most.

Getting lost in his head, Soonyoung failed to recognize the figure that approached the studio in haste, which walked up the staircase and gently tried the handle to see the door push open. He failed to recognize the swift patter of its steps, the light citrus of its scent, even the melodic lilt that weaved into its voice as it ventured into the studio. Soonyoung felt like he’d been plunged underwater, his lungs withering to scream yet were unimaginably full of something dreadful.

He caught the figure’s eyes—your eyes, how they timidly sparkled.

You swallowed, arms unnaturally crossed against your chest. “Minghao said you would be here,” sounded your soft-spoken introduction.

There was no barrier separating you from Soonyoung, yet you hovered in the middle of the studio like there was a vast gorge that kept you apart.

Soonyoung nodded, “Yeah.”

You licked your lips, rubbing your arms up and down, “He said you were feeling sick. Is that true? Do you feel any better?”

“Dunno.” Soonyoung answered.

Despite his curt replies, emptiness echoed so loudly in between every pause that he suspected even you could feel a part of it. Very cautiously, you stepped further toward him. He wasn’t some feral animal that was going to burst from its chains and attack you, but you approached him as such.

“It didn’t really feel the same without you there,” You made the effort to potentially ignite some warmth into the air, “Not without your jokes and stuff.”

But Soonyoung indolently blew out the warmth with a cold reply of his own. “What are you doing?” He said. His tone wasn’t sharp, but flat, and he could see how you uneasily shifted at his complete flip of attitude.

Your arms fell from your chest, perhaps a foreshadowing of how you were willing to confront the obvious weight in the room, the dark shadow that prowled directly where Soonyoung sat, staring you down with ice in his eyes, but your gentle words suggested opposite.

“I want to talk to you.” You replied whilst stepping closer and closer.

Soonyoung remained mute, though continued to follow your movement, how you fluttered in step by step until you were standing right in front of him, right at his legs that dangled off the table.

He sat up straight and looked nowhere else but directly into your eyes. It had always been him that shuddered with nervousness, and now the coin had been tossed so that you were seeking trouble in finding composure, a method to ground yourself whilst his gaze prickled you like an intense fever. Soonyoung didn’t split the connection for even a second; he steadfastly maintained eye contact, your faces only inches apart as you momentarily looked to your fumbling hands before shaky laughter filled the studio.

“I-I, um, I have something to tell you, alright? But it’s really, really not easy. I don’t know how you’ll react or what you’ll say or what you’ll think of me but, I don’t want to keep this a secret. I guess there’s no sense in rambling though.”

You took a deep breath, your eyelashes feathering and hands pushing down past your stomach, almost as though your fear was palpable and you were attempting to subdue it.

Soonyoung’s eyes fell to the shape of your lips, how they pursed with the breath you exhaled. Your scent had encompassed him, mild and sweet like the fresh fruit of summer, and moonlight splashed along half your face, illuminating your skin like a glinting crystal. Perhaps he could have possessed more self-control, but this may be the last time he could ever act before what he suspected you were going to say became reality.

“Soonyoung, I need to tell you that I’m—,”

He didn’t resist. A squeak erupted from your mouth as Soonyoung slid off the table, his hands gripping with modicum force at your waist and pushing your back against the mirror. The second your skin seemed to hit the cool glass, a gasp burst from deep within your chest, Soonyoung then seizing the sliver of time to press his lips against your own. For a fleeting moment your body was rigid, though it fell ultimately weak, melted like cream into his touch as his fingertips tightened the silk of your dress into your skin.

Your mouth was soft, corresponding eagerly to his movement, and your teeth were gentle in their quick, teasing bites against the plush of Soonyoung’s lips. This specific moment what was played most commonly in his head, from restless sleep that could never grace his eyelids soon enough to long, morning bus rides where his head had yet to leave the clouds and the sunrise ignited embers in his vision.

But at last, he was kissing you; he was drawing heavy, hot breaths from your chest as he collected your taste on his tongue.

Briefly Soonyoung pictured the party, how he’d sat watching Junhui’s large hands roam your body, dig crescents upon your skin that was softer than a peach with his nails, turn the colour of your mouth a vibrant, cherry red, the sheen of saliva on your lips glossy and bright. But at long last it was Soonyoung’s turn to ruin you – to elicit the sharp, breathy mewl from your chest.

The mere realization further emboldened him, caused him to lick into your mouth whilst your hands trembled, threaded into his hair in tight, concupiscent fistfuls.

Inch by inch his kisses strayed from your lips. Your back was pressed with a more solidified firmness into the mirror as Soonyoung’s hand crept down your waist and tucked beneath your thigh, hauling it over his hip. His fingertips curved fire upon your skin, inducing a sting that overweighed in pleasure than in pain. You titled your head back, heat coursing through his veins when he heard a beautiful moan flutter from your mouth. His lips then reached the sensitive crook of your neck where the sweet scent was most concentrated.

His teeth delicately bit down upon the warm, velvet flesh, the manner in which you arched toward his touch encouraging Soonyoung.

His world was tuned to nothing but your hedonism, the tiny noises you were unable to supress beneath the wet pressure of his tongue against the new, glistening bruise. And it continued like that, blossom after blossom being suckled, nipped and licked into the column of your neck, your chest, fingers knotted into Soonyoung’s hair not to guide him, but to express the euphoria he masterfully summoned at your core.

However, as Soonyoung’s palms cupped your ribcage, and as his kisses adapted a much more sentimental, slower rhythm once they pressed upon the soft swell of your chest, there was a gaping feeling that howled inside him. He couldn’t have you. He shouldn’t even be doing this with you. Where you should have been was at dinner with your friends, enjoying the music, the food, the conversation. Despite Soonyoung’s intimate wishes to continue with your fingers tugging at his scalp in a dull sting, your breathless mewls, your swollen lips gasping his name, he believed you were not in love with him.

A splash rolled onto your chest, tiny and wet, and then another and another. Soonyoung had stopped kissing you, his grasp on your ribcage fading in strength.

“W-What’s wrong?” You questioned whilst he heard that your heart still beat like a metal pendulum. “Why did you stop? It felt so good, really good.”

Undoubtedly the damp trails were leaking from his eyes. They were no longer tinted with a thick lust, but a vacantness that left his irises hollowed and indiscernible. Soonyoung’s vision of his marks on your chest blurred. He heard you gulp, your fingers winding down from their tangled clasp in his black hair to gently cup his face; raise it into the meagre light of the studio.

“Soonyoung? You okay?” However, the very second you peered into the clear lacquer that lined his eyes; he assumed that you understood his answer before he even spoke it.

“N-No.” His voice cracked.

The soft pad of your thumb brushed beneath his eye. “Tell me what’s wrong,” You were notably pleading rather than politely asking, “What’s hurting you?”

He didn’t care anymore. His face plunged straight into the junction between your shoulder and neck, his hands uselessly clutching at the back of your dress, compressing the silk in his hands. Your heartbeat thrummed throughout your entire body, and Soonyoung could easily detect its sporadic pulse with his ear pressed tightly to your neck. He hiccupped and the dam suddenly broke loose, your fingers coaxing down the back of his head in a lambent hope it would soothe him even marginally.

“Y-You don’t love me, you don’t love me, you don’t love me but I’m so fucking in love with you that it’s all I can ever think about. Nothing has ever hurt this bad but I can’t keep myself away from you. I-I don’t know what to do. You’re with Junhui again and I want to be angry at you because how could you fucking do this to me when you know how I feel about you, how badly I want you, how I’d drop everything for you. B-But it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault and—,”

“Soonyoung, Soonyoung,” You’d gotten a hold of his face, fingers gripping into the teary trails that soaked from his eyes, from his gaze that had broken like a glass sheet. “I need you to listen to me, baby, okay? Calm down.” Soonyoung wetly blinked at you, never having experienced such a heartfelt reflection glaze in your eyes.

Sweeping the black hairs that had masked to his flushed, tan skin, you gave his head a small shake, staring at Soonyoung with moonlight slanting across your features.

“You beautiful, beautiful boy who I adore so much I can’t even describe it. I’m not with Junhui, I don’t know where you got that idea from, but I’m not with him. I came here specifically to tell you that—,” Your thumb brushed beneath the plump curl of his bottom lip, “For fuck’s sake, that I’m in love with you! I’m in love with you, and I am being one-hundred percent serious.”

Your hands drifted from his cheeks to the sides of his face, where Soonyoung could feel their slight pressure and their solacing heat.

He wasn’t able to pinpoint that last time he’d allowed his emotions run so rampantly before you, completely abducting control of his body until he felt like a vessel running on autopilot. His face was still damp and there were watered pearls clinging to his eyelashes, though Soonyoung wasn’t as concerned with a little blotchiness marring his vision when you looked at him like you needed him, like you couldn’t live without him.

The tender, grazing movement of your fingertips along his jaw pulled with a feather’s daintiness, Soonyoung sniffing a bit raggedly as your arms then wrapped around his neck.

“If you’re wondering about why I drove to the dinner with Jun, it was just because I left a lot of things at his apartment I wanted to pick up. I was finally feeling well enough to face him on my own… When I broke up with him, I knew exactly why I did it, Soonyoung.” You chewed your bottom lip and huffed in slight amusement, adapting to how it felt to ultimately speak these realizations, these thoughts, aloud.

“I did it because I finally understood this feeling I’ve always had for you, but could never put my fingertip on. I know that I’m in love with you. And, like you said, one day someone is gonna come along and sweep me right off my feet, make me forget about all my worries as though they’re nothing but dust. You’ve always been that person; I guess I just didn’t understand myself well enough at the time to see that.”

Fragile laughter rumbled in your throat, “You really took all my years of blissful ignorance like a solider, huh? I’m not really sure how I’ll ever make up for that.”

Soonyoung hands returned to your waist, clutching with a notable pressure, as if your body was fabricated from the swirling soot of a star that could ghost between his fingertips in a mere second. He straightened his posture, rested his forehead against your own, and peered directly into your eyes that blinked at him with a sentiment he could at long last read.

Without another wasted heartbeat, Soonyoung whispered right at your cupid’s bow, “You can be with me.”

To which a smile blossomed at your bitten, bright mouth.

“I’d love that more than anything.” Your voice slipped into a gentle hush just before the tips of your fingers swept down his neck, guiding Soonyoung forward the tiniest amount to kiss his pink mouth so sweetly.

The night ended on quite an interesting note. Minghao ended up hopping from the dinner table early because he was reunited with the sudden urge to photograph their memorable night; however, he’d forgotten his camera in his dance bag which he left at the studio. The air was chilly and misted, but felt ever so refreshing against his skin heated from many glasses of wine. As he quickly paced down the street, nose buried in his coat and hands in his pockets, he found himself coming to an abrupt stop outside the studio.

With a hammering heartbeat clogging his throat, he vigilantly did his best to peek into the dance studio’s front window, his jaw hanging on by a mere thread as he gauged the sight that had been beautifully framed by a shower of moonlight. Soonyoung’s hands were pressed against your back, holding you close to him whilst your arms cradled his head at your shoulder, fingers just barely combing his hair. Together you swayed, tangled in the other’s company, to a much muffled melody Minghao had to absolutely strain to hear.

Once he saw Soonyoung’s iPod glowing from the doc station, Minghao nodded to himself, a smile crossing his lips at a relationship he never thought possible.

Yet, now that he witnessed Soonyoung raise his head from your shoulder and softly capture your mouth in a slow and gentle kiss, Minghao could see that it was a relationship that made the most sense. As much as he yearned to fetch his camera, Minghao decided to place his own needs aside. Besides, he would most likely return to the restaurant to find Wonwoo offering the server a blunt and Chan shoveling handfuls of mints into his pocket whilst Junhui distracted the front-of-house manager.

Minghao left the two of you to your moment.

Soonyoung had finally attained his wish.

✧✎ a/n: lol starting this i inferred it would only be abt 6-7K... obviously that DID NOT happen! i dont know why my brain is solely programmed to make such long stories. i mean... i have written shorter things... but not very many. hopefully you can see why it takes me eons to respond to requests!! i havent posted smth this lengthy in a while so i hope those who read it had fun!!! comments r welcomed!!

it felt very nice writing a one-shot for soons bc i only have ONE other one-shot for him... and it’s like done in a second. Tragic!!!! anyways, i envisioned this story listening to allie x’s song, catch!! i would have linked the song, however adding links seems to prevent work from showing up in the tags :( if youre interested in listening tho, i guess youtube exists lol. this author’s note is going to become as long as the fic if i dont stfu, sooo... BYE!!!!

[theincompetentgenius]

Drops of the Ocean (Sirius x Reader)

@aoryuucchi: MC is really sad because, even when she knows that Sirius doesn't pay her attention because he has work to do, she feels lonely and unloved. Sirius realizes it and reassures her that he loves her very much. A lot of fluff~

Hey, sorry for the wait! I’ve been busy with holiday and getting ready for college (wish me luck!) with a bit of writer’s block, but I’m back. Also, I gave this story an alternate ending because I really liked it??? But it’s super angsty so PLEASE SKIP IT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ IT (It will be tagged, so don’t worry-- the true ending is a very fluffy ending). Also, it might have been too cheesy, so sorry in advance (fluff is my weaker spot)!

Title: Drops of the Ocean

Fandom: Ikemen Revolution

Pairing: Sirius x Reader

Word Count: 1660 (+255 for the alternate ending)

The pebble rippled across the pond. I threw another rock, hoping it would skip farther than the last. However, the rock fell from my hand a second too early and fell in the water, swallowed by the surrounding water.  

I sat down with an irritated sigh. Throwing rocks in the pond had become my past-time since Sirius was swept away with his work. An uprising in the southern sector of the Black Territories had led to severe riots and strikes, leaving Sirius to handle the mess created by irresponsible cooperation. Weeks of paperwork, negotiating, and planning had passed. The only time I saw Sirius was when he returned from his outside duties. It lasted for five minutes. 

Part of me felt foolish. Sirius had to deal with pressing issues that needed his complete attention. He had real problems while I was whining about the lack of attention. It was childish. I wanted nothing more than these feelings to dissipate, but a dumbbell weighed over my chest. Everyone thought I was understanding about the entire situation, but it became a facade. Time separated us, leaving my patience on a tight-rope.   

My hand patted the ground for another pebble. Instead, it was greeted with grainy, crunchy sand. I sifted for more stones, but the sand was bruised with uneven, empty pockets. Those were probably the homes of the rocks that I chucked into the pond earlier. With nothing to throw, my time at the pond felt pointless. 

I got up and dusted the sand off my dress. As I made my way to the Black Army, I heard galloping hooves in the background. Someone shouted my name. I turned around and saw Sirius waving at me. Although I wanted to run, my feet stood in place and I waved back with a thin smile. 

Once Sirius mounted off his horse, he rushed to me. It took a few seconds to pull my feet out of the ground, but my eagerness overtook my stubbornness. It felt a little cheesy, but my chest grew tight as I ran towards him. It was a rare opportunity to see him outside of his work and I couldn’t let this opportunity slide. He grabbed me by the waist and lifted me into the sky. I placed laughed as he twirled me around, my loneliness drifting along with the cloud beside me. Sirius placed me down and I enveloped him in a hug. We held each other in silence.

He released me and we plopped on the grass behind the sand. Sirius placed his hand over mine as we watched the water glimmer against the sun. Although the quietness was soothing, there were so many things I wanted to say. Yet I didn’t want to be a burden.

“Is something wrong?” Sirius tilts his head, meeting my eyes.

“No.” I look away.

“You can tell me anything. If it’s something important, I want to help you.”

Was it something important? The longer I thought about it, the more tears I felt pool around my eyes. This entire problem was completely one-sided and frugal. Why did I have to over-complicate the situation? Sirius wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt me. He was simply side-tracked.

I shook my head, but the evidence was stacked against me. My eyes were brimming with water. I tried to brush them away, but a few tears rolled down my cheek. Sirius took his thumb and wiped them from my face. 

“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “It’s just that we-”

“Haven’t seen each other in forever,” Sirius completed my sentence. His eyes flashed with guilt as he realized what I was trying to say.

Sirius gave the first of his many apologies. “I had no idea that my absence was affecting you.” 

“No, no. I was being overdramatic for no reason. You’re busy.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t spend time with you,” Sirius got up and lent his hand out to me. “You have to let me make up for this mistake.”

I took his hand and we began chatting about all the times we had missed. He told me about a harvesting festival his men had come across, where he nearly burned his tongue from eating their spicy meat. In return, I told him about the time Fenrir and I nearly burned down Luka’s kitchen while trying to make Seth an edible birthday cake. The color nearly drained from Sirius’s face and I assured him that I avoided the fire with my quick wits and fire extinguishing skills. He didn’t feel any better.

He ran to the edge of the shore and I followed behind him. I wasn’t sure what he had in mind, but Sirius only grew closer to the water. Soon, the water crashed against the heels of his boots. I inched closer to the shore, but the moment my toes collided with the sea foam, I ran back. Sirius’s left foot was on the sand while the waves brushed against his right foot. He beckoned for me to come over, but I couldn’t move. The water was too cold and I didn’t know how to swim;  I had no intention of drowning. He assured me that everything will be fine and he would be beside me in case a dangerous situation unfolds, but I simply stared at the lingering sea foam. After a few moments of mental debating, Sirius steps out of the water and held his hand towards me. I tiptoed towards the waves once more, feeling creases forming against my brow. The tide rushed to me, drawing past its previous shoreline but I sped ahead and remained untouched by the water. As if being scolded by the ocean, my feet were trapped within the sand and my hands were folded behind my back.

Before taking another step, Sirius stopped and turned to me. “If you don’t want to go any further, then that’s fine. I know you’re scared of deep water, so we can do something else. I don’t have anything else to do today and we can always explore around the nearby town.”

I shook my head. Sirius and I were spending time together by the pond (which now seemed more like a beach) with no distractions. While we could go somewhere else, I was oddly enjoying the entire thing: scaring the living out of myself while having Sirius guide me through the not-so-turbulent waters. Also, I felt slightly guilty that he had to give up the rest of his day for me. I didn’t want to cause any additional trouble for him.

“No, I don’t mind. In fact, you can help me overcome my fear of deep waters. Consider it a very important task that you must accomplish today!” “On whose orders?” He raised an eyebrow. I crossed my arms and thought for a moment. “Um………” “We’ll say that’s a direct order from the queen,” He laughed and patted my head.  “Wouldn’t that be on your orders then?” “Although I’m the Queen of Spades, you’re the queen of my life.”

I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and pointed towards the water. “Onwards then!”

“Alright milady,” Sirius bowed. 

I laughed and gave him a curtsy in return. “As long as I don’t have to swim, I’ll be alright.”

“You don’t need to swim. Just stand beside me and hold my hand,” He winked. I nodded and strolled towards the shoreline. The ominous blue of the ocean faded from my sight as my eyes were focused on Sirius and his radiant smile against the glimmering sunlight. His purple eyes held a warmth that gravitated me closer towards him. As I stepped in his direction, he took an additional ten steps forward-- closing the distance between us. The knot in my chest slowly disappeared.

 My feet had reached the wet sand. It curled around my toes and cling to my skin like the last grains of rice in a finished bowl. Sirius hopped out of the water and took off his boots. He rolled the sleeves of his pants, and with my permission, pinned the hem of my dress towards my knees with a spare pin in his pocket. He took my hand in his. Soft but firm.

“Are you ready?”

I didn’t respond but gave him a smile. With a tight grip on his hands, I slide towards the ocean with my left foot. “This is not so bad.”

Sirius laughed. “Compared to the shenanigans that Fenrir pulls, this is heaven.”

“He’s not as crazy as everyone paints him to be. In fact, you can hold a stable conversation with him for an entire minute if you really try.” I glided against the wet sand and my feet touched the water. My knuckles turned white and Sirius wrapped his arm around me. 

“Looks like you’ve accomplished something that will take me years to understand.”  He said. We took another step together, the water rushing past our feet. I put my hands on his chest for extra support. The two of us watched the waves crash against each other, huddled against each other. Flocks of birds flew over our heads and Sirius labeled each bird as a person in the black army. I pointed to mushroom-shaped cloud behind them, but Sirius thought the clouds looked like sunflowers. Maybe he was getting old. 

“Don’t be silly,” I stretched to reach his forehead and brush the idle strands from his face. Maybe that would give him a better view of the clouds. However, I use too much force with no support to push myself towards his tall structure. A strong wave knocks me over, drenching me in saltwater. Sirius grabbed my hand, steering me towards him, and I landed on his lap. For a second, I simply blinked. I looked up and our eyes meet. Laughter bubbled in my stomach as the two of us laughed over my klutziness. It was embarrassing, but I was with Sirius. That’s all that mattered.

A/N: Alright! I hope you enjoyed that. It was difficult because everything I touch turns into angst. In fact, I might have gotten carried away and might have created an alternate ending that’s not so sweet and happy? If you’re interested, keep reading. If not, just skip this.

TW: Drowning

We spent the right of the time in the water. One splash turned into an entire water fight and we were completely soaked. It was a matter of time before the sun had set and the sky had grown black. Sirius realized that we couldn’t walk around in wet clothes, so he went to fetch some outfits from the nearest clothing store. He insisted that I went with him, but I wanted to spend a little more time in the water. Although he was worried, I assured him that I could handle it on my own. With much reluctance and sneezing from my end, Sirius scouted for dry clothes.

I stared into the blue. It was calling for me, wish for my presence. I walk over to the waves, closing my eyes as the waves wash over me. It was a small bath.

A sudden wave knocked me over. My arms falter from the weight and my mind is filled with sheer horror. I stumble from the fall, trying to grab something for support. Tension seared through my arms as I struggled to keep them out for an imaginary hand, pulling me out of this monster. My body submerged into the water. My eyes widened with fear and I flailed my arms. My feet kicked out, trying to propel herself towards the land but the force of the tide pulled me back. I continued to thrash and scream. The water entered my mouth, silencing me.

The water rushed against my feet at a steady rhythm.