#might as well upload it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[arsenicflame]

what i should be doing: the actual sewing of this vest. working on the boots pattern. shorting the skirt. mock ups for other costumes. anything

what i am doing: making a digital copy of the skirt embroidery (and being real fussy over it)

[bestdressedchuuya]

WHOOPS, I accidently deleted the document that contained all the translations for the final volume of mayonaka lol

thank fuck I don't actually need it anymore cuz that would've been one hell of a disaster

[putschki1969]

Kalafina 「sprinter」 (Yuki Kajiura LIVE Vol.#2) - Unreleased and Unedited

Update 24/09/07: The original YouTube "video" was made private so I can no longer link to it. Instead, I am including the audio which I downloaded last night from the video. Please note that even though I keep calling the original upload a "video", it is just an audio track with a picture.

Update 24/09/08: The video on YouTube is back up again. I don't notice any obvious changes so I'm not sure why it was put on private in the first place. Check it out HERE.

Update 24/09/09: Check out my UPDATE POST here. New information has been revealed that in my opinion proves that the track on YouTube is fake.

Thanks to @gslin (@gslin on Twitter) for the heads-up! A mysterious account on YouTube (@FJS_Official => which is definitely not "official" but pretends to be judging by their name and handle; The account has since changed their handle to "@FJS_Channel") has uploaded an interesting audio a couple of days ago. It is presumably from Kalafina's front act performance for "Yuki Kajiura LIVE Vol.#2" held at Shibuya O-EAST on July 31, 2008. Wakana, Keiko, Hikaru and Maya (who was still a member back then) sang 4 songs in total:

oblivious

Kizuato

ARIA

sprinter

Official footage exists of their "ARIA" and "Kizuato" performance (included as bonus content on the "Seventh Heaven" album) but up until recently, I think everyone believed that there were no live recordings of "oblivious" or "sprinter" featuring Maya (please correct me if I'm wrong in that regard).

When I initially saw the video on YouTube, I thought that this whole thing was fake. I feel like these days, any tech-savvy person can layer different audio tracks and make it sound like a brand-new live recording with a few tweaks here and there (especially if you factor in the growing popularity of AI). I mean, all you'd have to do is mix the original studio recording with Maya's vocals (or Maya's unofficial karaoke performance of the song) with one of the many existing live recordings of "sprinter" and voilà, you'd have created something like the above audio.

However, after listening to the audio a few times, I'm having a hard time recognising any specifics of the live performance. I'll admit, I'm not 100% familiar with every single "sprinter" performance since it's not exactly among my favourite songs but from what I can tell, Hikaru sounds a lot shakier than in any of the "official" live recordings that are out there. So yeah, this might indeed be "unreleased" and it appears to be as raw/unedited as it gets. I did a quick research but couldn't find anything on this topic so I don't think this has been posted before...

As @gslin has mentioned on Twitter, the sound quality is exceptionally well, too good for a bootleg (possibly recorded in an official manner close to the PA system?)

The video description says that it is a sound source preserved at Sony Music but I have my doubts about that. I wonder how the person who runs the account would just get access to it and be allowed to post it on a random YouTube channel. Sounds a bit fishy to me. If there are actually people out there who can get their hands on unreleased Kalafina audios, there would be more of them floating around (someone give me all those Christmas live sound sources!!!!).

But who knows, anything is possible. Maybe the venue had some of these sound sources stored (no idea if this is a common practice)? Shibuya O-EAST could have gotten rid of them (made them publicly available) after they rebranded the venue in 2021.

[pavlovianfuckery]

i have abandonment issues and anxiety and now so do you

A/N: Re-uploading all my fics after having a slight mental breakdown and deleting everything so this is kind of old, but bone apple tea and all that anyway

AO3

The Master-masterlist

Fandom Masterlist

Summary: He is so very pretty when he cries and I wanted another go at writing some quick stair sex, fucking sue me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Pairing: Dream/F!Reader

Notes: piv sex, angst, no use of y/n

Length: 2600~ words

It's been weeks since you slept unaided, the use of pills keeping any dreams at bay, so when you finally enter the Dreaming only to find yourself in the throne room of all places, it gives you pause. Everything looks much the same as you remember. When you finally lay eyes on the aloof figure on the throne it feels like being kicked in the chest, which is less unexpected. You had imagined what it would be like to see him again many times, but nothing you had planned to say comes out, the words turning to ash in your mouth.

"Leave us." His gaze is fixed on you as he orders everyone out, and it feels as if an eternity passes between the closing of the massive doors and him speaking to you. "Do you know why I have brought you here?" Just hearing his voice again is painful, but you refuse to let it show, squaring your shoulders but not meeting his eyes, not bothering to keep your tone civil.

"I do not presume to know why you would do anything, so no, I don't." The glibness doesn't seem to amuse him, and he steps down from the throne. "That is not quite true, is it?" His voice is flat as he approaches you unhurriedly, step by inexorable step.   "If accusing me of being a liar is all you dragged me here for, I'm just going to go." You turn to go, to wake up, to be anywhere but here, but he calls out to you. "Stop." You were planning on leaving, and yet. And yet.

"Why?" You whirl around, facing him. It's a struggle to keep your voice from cracking, but you manage it, somehow."You don't want me here."  He frowns, moving closer until he's only a few paces away. "I assure you, that is not true, despite your lack of loyalty." "What in the world is that even supposed to mean?" Now you can't keep the anger out of your voice, "Since when have I ever been disloyal to you?" "Since you abandoned me to cavort with a mortal." The words are full of contempt, and it almost makes you physically recoil. "I abandoned you?" It comes out as a disbelieving laugh, more callous than you had intended. "No, you left, without so much as a word. I didn't hear from you for 6 months! I don't know if you had gotten bored of me or what, but you were gone."

"Bored?" His frown deepens. "There were matters of great import that required my attention." "Of course there were."  You had always been painfully aware of your own unimportance to a being like him right from the start but nevertheless, his words still hurt. "What did you expect me to do then, spend the rest of my life waiting for you? I didn't even know if you were coming back at all."

"You certainly wasted no time before giving yourself to another." "Did you miss the part where you up and left me for months? Not that it's any of your business anymore but yes, I slept with someone else, to try and get over you forgetting me!" "I did not forget you." Somehow, the words make it worse. "Yeah? Because that's what it looked like." Your eyes sting and you wipe at them angrily.

He's frozen, unmoving at the bottom of the steps. Bathed in the soft light from the stained glass windows he reminds you of a marble statue. Beautiful. Cold. It cuts at you like a knife until you can't stand to look at him any longer, and you turn to leave again. The way his fingers snag your wrist takes you by surprise, not expecting him to reach out. "Wait." "I did." You yank your arm back, but he grabs hold. The touch is gentle, but it might as well have been a firebrand. "Let. Go." For all their vehemence the words feel like a lie on your tongue, and as you glare at him it's obvious that he doesn't believe them either because his grip only tightens. The way he looks at you hurts, it burns and something inside your chest just shatters.

The slap is loud in the empty room, neither of you expecting it. Even though your palm tingles from the open-handed strike there isn't a mark on him of course, but that doesn't make you feel any better. When he pulls you to him, most of the fight drains out of you. "You don't get to do this, you know," you punch his chest weakly, just once as the first tears start to fall. "You can't just dump me by the wayside when you get tired of me, I'm not your fucking pet." "No, perhaps not. But do not doubt this; you are mine."

Despite everything, the close proximity has the same effect as it always has, as if he'd never left. As he tightens his arms around you his familiar scent envelops you, making your head swim. You're not sure what possesses you to brush your lips against his throat, but you do it anyway, despite your every sense screaming at you that it's a bad idea. "Forgive me." For a moment you're sure that he'll send you away, that you'll wake up alone in your bed again and the thought makes it hard to breathe. But then his fingers ghost over your cheek, brushing your tears away before guiding your mouth to his. The kiss is a brief, unspeakably tender thing, over much too quickly. Brows knitted together in something like confusion his eyes are heavy on you, searching your face. "What is there to forgive? If I had known..."

You don't wait for him to finish speaking, pulling him back down by the lapels of his coat. His lips are as soft against yours as they've ever been as you pry them open, like it would be possible to push every shred of angerpaingrief into him that way. As if he could somehow understand your hurt if only you could force him to taste it. And he lets you, even as you nip at him until you taste blood, like bright copper pennies caught in your teeth. Lack of air makes your head spin but you can't stop clinging to him as if he'd turn to smoke under your hands, to slip between your fingers to be gone by morning. "Don't leave me like that again..."

You breathe the words into him like a prayer until your knees go weak, and even then he holds you to him still, not letting go. The descent onto the stairs is a gradual one, made clumsy by the reluctance to let go for even a second. Straddling his lap is a graceless affair, but you're beyond caring.  Feeling the fabric of his coat under you is a bit unsettling, the way it cushions your knees from the unyielding stone beneath a bit too well to be quite real. It makes you feel as if you could fall into the sky of the lining of it if you're not careful. "You are aware of my responsibilities; I can offer you no such promises."  That hurts to hear more than you would like to admit, but then he continues, "I can however endeavour to inform you when my work requires my full attention."

It's not quite an apology, but it's as close to one as you're likely to ever get and still more than you dared hope for.  As the hem of his shirt rides up exposing the skin there, the urge to be closer is overpowering. "I have missed you." The way he says it is quiet but fond, the words soft enough to rival the feel of his skin under your questing hands.

Wanting to lay any claim on him that you can you suck at the sensitive skin on the side of his neck, which surprisingly does leave a mark, one that doesn't fade. When the realization dawns that he's doing that, he's keeping it there on purpose for you, lust pools molten in your belly. Repeating the action on the other side makes him groan, the sound vibrating against your lips as he tips his head back and grinds his hips up against you, giving you all the permission you need.

The bruises bloom nearly instantly, another one of his tricks, offered up almost like a gift. They dapple the flawless column of his throat prettily, but it's still not enough. The seams creak in protest as you pull the collar of his shirt down to get at more of him, but he doesn't seem to mind.  After being apart for so long, suddenly having him this close when you thought you never would again is overwhelming and you're unable to hold back a few errant tears.  "Do you have any idea what it was like with you gone?" Giving his hair a pull, you force him to look at you. 

He wets his lips before responding, an uncharacteristically human gesture. "It was never my intention to cause you harm." The tremble in his voice is barely perceptible but still undeniably there.

His lips yield to yours so easily when you kiss him again, pressing the heel of your hand against his fly. "Help me forget?" As you breathe the words into his mouth you can feel him pulse through the fabric. "Please?"

Even with his hands aiding yours it's easier than it should have been to pull his jeans down, the stiff material offering next to no resistance, a convenience courtesy of the Dreaming. Rather than removing them completely, you push them only as far down as is necessary.

His cock is just as pretty as the rest of him, you'd almost forgotten that. The skin is silky in your palm as you give him a few slow pumps, just as a reminder of what he feels like.  "Let me see you." His words make the rest of your clothing fade away like morning mist leaving you completely exposed on his lap, another perk of his realm that you had missed. The way he touches you borders on worshipful as he presses a soft kiss over your heart, gentle as a butterfly wing.

Sinking down on him slowly is difficult when you're aching like this, but you want to savour it. For now, he simply leans back and watches as your body swallows every inch of him. The way he fills you so perfectly is intoxicating, addictive. It feels like coming home. For a while you don't move, just enjoying holding him inside like this, buried to the hilt as you squeeze around him. The intimacy of it is almost unbearable, nearly making you choke up again as he gently grabs hold of your hips and guides you into a languid pace.

"Tell me he didn't make you feel like this." The words are quiet, almost pleading, his eyes shining as he looks up at you. You had thought something like that wouldn't matter to a being like him, but his fragile expression tells you otherwise. "I need to hear you say it," he gasps, the stars in his eyes finally falling. Seeing him like this nearly breaks your heart all over again. As you kiss his face with all the tenderness you can muster, moisture stains your lips, making him seem remarkably human in that moment. "You know he didn't," you fail to keep your voice steady as you stroke his hair. "He wasn't you."

The way his chest hitches does nothing to douse the desire burning its way through you, not the way it perhaps should have done. He's so lovely like this, all dishevelled, cheeks shining. It's wholly unexpected, the vulnerability of it all, making the tension in your core coil tighter. The salt of his tears burning on the tip of your tongue makes you feel like consuming enough of him in any way you can would somehow erase your stupid mistake. As if he could fill you up until there would be room for nothing else, and he would push the memory of it out of you. 

"Please come in me," you roll your hips, pleading. "I need you to."

That you would ask for it so bluntly makes him let out a desperate little sound and thrust up into you ineffectually, the bunched-up fabric around his knees making it close to impossible to gain any proper traction on the smooth stone steps. He grasps your hips more firmly, spurring you on. "Move for me." It's still a fairly leisurely pace, neither of you so much chasing release as letting it arrive in its own time.  Pleasure washing over you in gentle waves makes your thighs quake as it brings you close to your peak before pulling away, time and time again.

The squelching noises as you ride his cock are embarrassingly loud in the empty hall, but you're beyond caring about anything except that you get to have him like this again. One of his hands moves to where you are joined, clever fingers circling your clit, not directly touching you yet.  "You make such a sweet mess of me, my love."He murmurs, voice strained as he continues, "I've missed that." The words alone are nearly enough to put you right back on that precipice, making you pull on his hair with a frustrated little whine. "Morpheus, please." At that, he goes completely still, his grip like iron as he holds you in place. You can feel his cock straining inside of you, nearly spilling but not quite. "Plead with me like that," he chokes out, cheeks high with colour, "and you will receive me sooner than you might hope."

Being the one to make his composure falter has never failed to drive you wild and this time is no different. Seeing him like this after your time apart, balancing on that edge right along with you, is very nearly enough to bring you off. Furrowing his brow he bites his bottom lip, fighting to keep his control from slipping, and you realize that you're going to come regardless of if he moves or not. It's like a tidal wave on the horizon, the pull relentless long before it arrives.

"I'm going to," you struggle to get the words out, "fuck, I'm..." The way his eyes bore into yours is almost hypnotic, drawing you in. "Go on," he breathes, egging you on, "come for me." Then he flexes inside of you and with a whimper, you're lost, walls spasming around his cock. There is no way to ride the wave of pleasure and nowhere to hide from it, the only thing you can do is slump bonelessly on his lap and let it wash over you, because he isn't letting you move. He's only a few seconds behind you though, pushing in as far as he can go and emptying himself there with a strangled sound, as if he really could wash every trace of the other man's touch out of you that way.

Spent, he rests his head against your shoulder, stroking his hands down your back soothingly as his come starts seeping out of you. For a while you simply stay like that, holding each other close.  Now that you're thinking more clearly reality starts to set in, and you can't help but dread waking up. Because in your heart of hearts, you know that you will wake up alone, no matter what just happened. It hits you like a sledgehammer to the chest and without meaning to, you start to tremble.

Realizing with rising horror that this might just be A dream and not your Dream, you do the only thing you can think of; you flee back to the waking world.

⁂

The Master-masterlist

Fandom Masterlist

If you liked this spicy snack even a little, please consider supporting your local smut-slinger and hitting the reblog button on the way out, perhaps even drop a comment if you're feeling generous, it really helps with the motivation side of things a lot!

[randomyuu]

so hold my hand (consign me not to darkness) [1/4]

Ah, yes. The fic that made me realise I’m in desperate need of Cursed Spirit Gojou in my ever-growing favourite GoYuu tropes.

Content Warning!

Major Character Death. Other characters are disrespectful to the corpse.

I highly suggest you read the fic first, or just the fic, since I don’t think I was properly able to adapt it into drawings. While I managed to use roughly two weeks of on-and-off planning, researching, and storyboarding, I only had a full week to finish it. You can read more of my thoughts below the comic if you’re curious.

Title: so hold my hand (consign me not to darkness)

Author: qalb_al_louz

It’s ongoing, and as of this drawing, the fic is in its third chapter. While this is (sexually) SFW, always be mindful of the tags! Please keep yourself safe and sound.

Please read from right to left, and enjoy!

You can only upload 30 images in one post, huh Damn, I gotta divide it into parts

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Alrighty, I'll put my watered down unhinged thoughts below. No extra drawings down there if you're curious haha (unless you want to see the storyboard and the characters' full body character sheet, lemme know). You can skip the stuff underneath the Keep Reading for all parts.

This fic had me grinning from ear to ear every time I read this. The atmosphere, how it goes from POV to POV—of pure fear and panic—and the peak excitement I got when Yuuji properly meets Gojou, like brooooo 😭

Gosh I cannot emphasise how much I love this fic. I’ve always been wanting to make a whole comic out of it, especially since it was 2 chapters and it doesn’t look like the author will update it, but it just… kind of forgotten ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

But then the author posted a new chapter and I told myself this is a sign I should really start.

also goddamn I was so naive to think I can tackle 2 chapters as comic—no I was in fact cannot

The moment I laid my eyes on the first paragraph, things were portrayed very vividly in my mind. The panel, the angle, Gojou's head rolling down... I was like, hell yeah. Then I continued reading and I finally succumbed to my desire to draw this out.

At first I want to adapt this into a vertical format like those manhwas. However the longer I try to learn and storyboard it... I am simply not yet comfortable with it, especially for such a big project. Even the 1st storyboard starts vaguely vertical before the panels quickly crammed into that B4-B5 format lol. The first sketch estimated 69 (heh) pages for 90% of chapter 1. I said "no" for my own sanity and fully focused on the usual manga format and it was narrowed down to 60. Still a lot though, quantity and time-wise. So with a heavy heart, I can only do the majority of chapter 1 :”) I really really want to draw Sukuna talks back to Gojou—do you have any idea how good that scene was??? Gojou tried so hard to restrain himself, he’s so other I love him 😭

Due to the sheer length of this comic (I'm still in disbelief), I have limit lots of things, and that includes the drawing. If you've seen my other JJK fanarts, they are more rendered than this one. Well, this one is purely sketched with the help of the eraser to tidy up some lines. This is also the first fanart that I did purely on Photoshop, so I can control the typesets and drawings in one place. Usually, I use Photoshop for panels and typesetting and Krita for drawing.

I don't really like Photoshop's brush, but it did really well in curbing my perfectionist tendencies, so that's good.

It's also been quite a while since I draw in general (sobs) so... yeah, you might find differences, or not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

I know setting is important, but maaan I genuinely won't miss rereading chapter 83-93 with a heavy focus on background and character locations. I just want to read the action and dialogue😭 However continuity is really important. But my spatial intelligence is almost non-existent even GPS sometimes can't help me. All I'm saying is that if you find some silly drawing mistakes, do forgive me ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿I only drew all this in a week because otherwise I won't have another chance to complete this.

Well, lots of things I won't miss from this project, but haha let's talk about the characters instead because holy shit what was I thinking, starting this year drawing this many characters in the same project??? I have never drawn anyone here except for Yuuji, Gojou, Nanami and Megumi. I don't think I've ever drawn older Getou before. I already forgot how to draw my boy Yuuji and I gotta draw all these people???

This is what you call making a bad decision, kids. Don't do your "drawing warmup" after months of not drawing and tackling a project of a scale way bigger than you've ever tackled before.

Thank you for reading this far! I hope you find my complaint entertaining! But make no mistake, I genuinely still love the fic. Drawing this, even with all the headaches it gave me, only makes me adore this fic even more.

Thank you very much to each one of you who follows and leaves comments and tags on my silly art—it never failed to make my day :D And I sincerely wish this one also made your day or even made your minute! I'll see you in the next part!

[banquetwriter]

this might be too angsty 😭

but can you do one where the reader has chronic anxiety and is literally house bound most of the time because of how bad it gets and johnnie just helps them through it

୨୧ brittle breathes ୨୧

pairing: Johnnie Guilbert ♡︎ Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡ panic attacks, extreme anxiety 

summary: ʚ reader’s chronic anxiety binds them to their house but Johnnie is able to save them ɞ

Words: 1452

An: sorry it's taking me so long to write i can't help it lol 

SUPPORT ME

Every day has felt the same to you. You wake up and immediately doom scroll on your phone. Your brain is hyper-fixating on every bad comment you receive. You eventually get off Twitter and turn on YouTube. The torment doesn't end there.

You turn on someone who has consistent uploads, better looking than you, and overall is just better at your job. You feel so sick. Constantly nausea, your hands and feet are freezing, and your brain seems like you mushed it into pieces. 

It had been weeks since you had last uploaded on your channel. It wasn't so bad at first. You felt less anxious at home so you just stayed in more. Unfortunately, it has its talons in you. You could never leave the house anymore.

You were sitting on the couch in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. You hadn't gotten ready in weeks either, posting the occasional post on your Instagram story of something random. 

It wasn't like your fans hadn't noticed, hell everyone in your life had noticed. Your boyfriend Johnnie had asked what was going on with you lately, and he saw it. Of course, he saw it. The light in your eyes slowly dimmed. 

The way you wouldn't do anything anymore. Your interest didn't excite you anymore, you never ate anymore, and the most worrying thing was you'd stopped hanging out with him. 

He knew how hard anxiety could be on a person and how he wanted to help but he also knew how fragile people can be in this head space.

You had dried tears staining your cheeks as you scrolled through Twitter. You were looking at any tweet with your name involved in it. You were just a sad little lump on the couch. It was pathetic really. 

Your heart jumped as a notification went through that Johnnie started a live stream on Twitch. You had forgotten he was going to stream tonight. You clicked on it saying hi in chat. 

“Ahh fuck my settings are all messed up hold on guys,” Johnnie mumbled moving closer to his screen and clicking around. You giggle watching his fans say hi to you in chat. “Alright sorry guys,” he says, sitting up and looking at the chat. 

“Wait, is y/n in chat? A bunch of people are saying hi,” he says looking at the chat zoom bye. You smile to yourself already feeling calmer just by listening to his voice. “Yes, I am ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” you type in the chat. You watch him read the chat and smile to himself. 

He hides his blush by putting his hand over his mouth. The whole interaction made you giggle. He was the only thing that ever made you feel good anymore. You knew that wasn't healthy but you couldn't help it. You texted a black heart emoji to Johnnie.

You sat and watched the stream for a bit longer at some point while Johnnie stopped for a second to respond to your text. ‘Love you nerd’ he said with a heart emoji as well. He smiled down at his phone before realizing he was still streaming and had to keep them entertained. 

He came to a slow point in his stream so he looked over at his chat. “Why isn't y/n posting?” he asked, reading a fan’s words. Your heart skipped a beat. “Um, they are just having a hard time right now. They will be back soon though don't worry,” he answers, it was a true statement.

It just stung that your fans were reaching out to him about you. Johnnie would never make you feel guilty about this of course he understood, it's just you felt like such a burden on him because of this. 

You snapped back into reality, Johnnie had continued his stream and the chat slowly moved on from the topic. You had to do something about this. It was consuming your life.

You swiped away from Twitch and pulled up your messages with Johnnie. ‘Can you come over after the stream?’ you asked. If you were going to get out of this you were going to need help to do it. You had the stream pulled back up again. 

Johnnie was looking down at your phone. ‘I will get an Uber right now.’ was a text Johnnie sent you. You sat up reading the message on the top of your screen. “Hey guys I'm actually going to have to end stream early,” he said looking up from his phone.

You watched the chat as they started to freak out at the sudden end. Well, this wasn't how you wanted things to go. “Everything is ok. I just realized I have something to do.” he murmurs closing all the tabs on his computer going to full screen.

You turn the stream off, your heart pounding. Guilt flooding your veins. You stood up only worsening your dizzy state. You fumbled into the kitchen grabbing a glass of water. You failed, however.

You never made it to the sink. Your brain is racing and your mind is melting. A panic attack flows over your bones and into your soul. Your phone is lost somewhere you don't remember. 

Your breath in rapid paces as you can't make anything out. The lack of oxygen fuels your state. Tears start to pool out of your eyes, you start to sob. The crying mixed with the rapid breath causes you to lose all the air you had.

You can't breathe anymore. Any semblance of being able to return to normal is gone. You fall onto your hands and knees scratching at your throat in immense panic. You try to scream or kick or anything that can save you. 

You don't even hear when Johnnie uses the key you gave him to enter your home. Finding you thrashing on your kitchen floor, tears falling from your eyes. “Y/n?” he yells dropping to the floor with you. 

“What's wrong?” he yells trying to see your face. He manages to grab the side of your face and hold it up. “Can't… breathe,” you mumble, your face starting to lose color. 

“You're ok,” he says looking at you. He isn't able to say it with much conviction. His words betrayed his face as it flooded with worry. You try and fail to return your breathing to normal. Johnnie sees you struggle. 

“Try and follow mine,” he says, unsure of how to help you. You nod your head trying to listen to his breathing. It wasn't any use if you couldn't hear him properly. You hold your hand on his chest, you can feel his exhale and inhale. You could feel his lungs fill with air. 

You tried your best to mimic him. Closing your eyes eventually works. Eventually, you feel your worry melt away, like snow when the weather warms up. It leaves and melts from your body.

Your body relaxes and the tension falls. Johnnie watches as you slowly return back to normal. He brings his hand up to your face and holds you close. You lean into his touch. Your body is slouching.

He wraps his arms around you, holding your body up. “Johnnie?” you ask quietly. The tiredness ebs its way into your body. “Yeah? I'm here. I'm here.” he says slowly. “I need your help. Or someone's I'm not sure. I don't think I can trust anyone else with this.” you whispered to him.

“What's wrong? What can I do?” he asks, moving the hair that fell into your face away. “I have been rotted away by anxiety. I can't leave my house, I can't eat, I cannot do anything anymore. I haven't posted in god knows how long.” you cry standing up and away from him.

He sits up to watch you pace through your apartment. “I can't eat or sleep or talk to anyone without my entire world collapsing. Which isn't helping, it's just making me more anxious.” you cry, pulling at the sides of your face in frustration. 

“What can I do? How can I help you?” he asks while walking up to you. You stop your pacing, before abruptly pulling him into a hug. “I need to start seeing a therapist or something else, I need you to help me,” you whispered into his ear. 

He pulls away, only a little, to see your face. “We can do that for you. I'm sure it's going to get better if you start slowly, ok?” he whispers back. You smile at him sweetly. 

It was going to be hard but little by little you were going to take your life back. You were going to be able to do it with Johnnie. 

[aservantnamedketchup]

the beginning of this clip is a bit messed up but I tossed this in my drafts to upload to twitt so might as well post it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Macross Frontier opening 1 - Triangular, performed Maaya Sakamoto

[kairiscorner]

what is it with me and polls again URK anyway

if i'm being honest i am still trapped in the fandom no matter what kind of content i consume (jjk is here too though so y'all might get treated to that, and i have recently developed an interest in atwow THOUGH I AM VERY LATE) but it's ,,, mellowed down a little ,,,

ah well, let's see ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (should i upload moon knight content ,,,)

[brigdh]

Writing ask meme - 22, 41, 74

22. describe your writing process from scratch to finish

Oh, man! So much depends upon the story. For short stuff, say, 3k or less, I generally get the idea and pretty much immediately set out to write. I write it in a single session or two, editing as I go along. Every time I get stuck, I go back up a few paragraphs and reread, while fixing typos, adjusting word choices, etc.

I do another editing pass as I actually upload the story, since I need to reread any to add in html tags for italics and such. Ideally a little time has passed since I finished writing, so that I have slightly fresher eyes to catch stuff.

For longer things, say 5-20k, the process is pretty similar except that I'll start taking notes for things I want to happen later on because otherwise I'll forget before I get to actually writing that part. The notes tend to be super vague, because they're just reminders of ideas I've had, and aren't actually meant to be a guide. Here's two examples from different stories:

Ironically, both of these scenes, once I came to write them, ended up very different than these notes and included almost none of the same ideas. But sometimes the notes end up being pretty accurate! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For stuff that is full novella or novel-length, I work from an outline. I might write a few opening scenes to get the feel for the story before I write the outline, or I might start with the outline; it just depends. I also take notes as I go along of things that it can be easy to forget: what color eyes did I say this side-character has? what season is it? how much time has passed?

A lot of times I get about halfway through a story and have to go back and re-outline the first half but with a particular focus on a theme, or a character's motivations, or something like that, so I can see shape of it more clearly and making sure it's moving forward and not just repeating the same beats over and over again. Here's an example of the re-outlining the early chapters of lay me down with a specific focus on what's going on in Stede's head:

Re-outlining like that also tends to really help me with deciding what to write next and what sort of things I want to include in the story.

If I get really, really stuck, I take a notebook and go somewhere without internet access – usually a park if the weather's nice, or a museum large enough to have rooms where you can just commander a bench and stare at a wall for a while – to just sit with my thoughts and let my mind drift until it finally agrees to start focusing on the story again and figuring out where I want to go. Then I take notes by hand that look pretty much like the above examples, though if it's working well enough I may start to write actual dialogue or description.

Whew, that was a long answer, sorry!

41. what is the weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

I don't really think of my ideas as weird, particularly! Like, once you commit to it and figure out how the characters would react, it no longer feels weird, even if it was weird in the abstract. "Stede wears a harem costume" is weird, but once you've explored his motivations and Ed's reaction, it's just another thing they might do.

74. are you a planner, pantser, or planster?

Hmmm, a planster, I suppose! I do usually make an outline, but it's pretty vague compared to some people's outlines. This is an outline I wrote for a story I never finished, as an example of what mine typically look like:

Clearly I don't do intricate outlines with dialogue and themes and such. I'm sure this is basically incoherent to anyone else, but it's just enough of a reminder for myself of what's going on. But I do like writing to some sort of plan and not just letting anything happen.

Thank you for the questions! <3

(The meme, if anyone else wants to ask a question)

[sheepibum]

Writing Goals 2025!

(since it worked well last year (👉ﾟヮﾟ)👉)

To keep my motivation for writing, here's a list of fics I want to write/post over the year; hopefully I'll do better than last year, where I left everything pretty much last minute, so below you can see the list and a little preview of the chapter to be posted!

TOTAL: 0 / 15

🚧

Things I would like to update:

To begin with, the Re:Zero stuff, which is as usual my jam:

1) Start, From Minus

‘Citizens of the empire, be strong’—that was the only and most important teaching in Vollachia. And Subaru was. That is, a citizen of the empire and, thus, in his own, cowardly, revolting, tenacious way, strong.

Fifth and final chapter of this thing!! ( •̀ ω •́ )y

2) I’ll find you believing I’ll be found

At any rate, he was worried, it would have been impossible not to be, but Subaru knew that Felt would become Queen; because the only other option was that she’d die, and Subaru wouldn’t let that happen. Weapons or elements or poisons, the only way anything that meant to harm Felt would get anywhere near her would be over Subaru’s dead body.

I want to go back to my weird, not-quite crossover series; these two chaptersm though, are going to be much shorter than the fate and fe:3h ones

3) Coins in a Wishing Well

The boy was beautiful, or at least he was on his way of becoming so, and he was only a child. He’d have the kind of beauty that gods coveted. Subaru quietly prayed for puberty to spoil him. The attention from a god, any god, led only to tragedy for mortals.

a tiny bit of hollywood greek mythology, maybeee? also, I just want to get this chapter out of the way bc the next one is going to be super ✨funfunfun✨

4) just a little bit of blood in your hands

Of course, at first everything seems to go according to plan. Subaru breaks into the museum without problems, disables the security system with a little help from his accomplice, and proceeds to fulfill his childhood dream of filling a burlap sack with priceless artifacts and other shiny things.

Well, this one is crack; also, completely unrelated to the previous chapters ♪(´▽｀)

✏️

Other stuff from various other fandoms:

5) a constellation of blood drops [Gundam:IBO]

Now, Gaelio might be in feelings with Mikazuki, but he’d like to think he isn’t completely brain-dead. He knows Mikazuki is a deeply flawed, troubled, damaged human being. But, as his friendship with McGillis can attest to, that’s apparently kind of his type.

The last chapter of my super self-indulgent fix-it fic! Please, please let me finish this thing this year so I can clean it up and move the nice version to AO3 (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

6) A Superscription [Persona 5]

Ren wonders, in that second before he throws his own heart against the ground, an instant that lasts forever, like a bug trapped in amber, suspended in the time just before the strike hits and the glass shatters, if he had loved Akechi after all.

The second and last chapter of this tiny thing, that hopefully I will be able to upload on february to celebrate the third semester

7) these brilliant-hued hibiscus [Multifandom]

He hadn't meant to trust L’arc, but he had wanted to. In spite of his history, in spite of himself, because this world had already chewed him up and spat him out and he should have known better. And yet.

The second chapter of my little rarepair self-challenge! This one is for The rising of the hero of the shield, a series I only know bc one of my siblings likes the LN, but I dislike pretty much the entire cast

This is the only thing I'm ever going to write for that fandom, haha

8) remember me (but forget my fate) [LCF]

Rosé is so startled he almost jumps, and when he whirls around to see who had so rudely interrupted him, he almost trips and falls face-first into the mysterious, gluttonous hole he just fed his own lunch to.

The third chapter of my TCF/LCF time loop suffering thing that's going to become an entirely different thing the moment we change POV characters, yay o(*≧▽≦)ツ

9) our wishes are the right lure [Pokemon]

“What the hell kind of game is this?” “It’s a stress management assistant,” Ingo says, straight-faced. “It’s a gacha game. You poke the characters and they speak,” Emmet informs you, conspiratorially. “It’s a waifu game,” you conclude.

Second chapter for the pokemon submas reader-insert I owe the Pokemon Masters Ex gods, since I got both the twins sygna suits; as you can probably tell, I'm not going tot ake this seriously, like, at all

10) Home Is Where the Smoothies Are [Ben 10]

So many dimensions, so many universes, so many Bens. So many ways in which he could fail, in which he already has failed in some other world, in some other time, in some other way. All the versions of himself that had grown rotten, corrupted, tainted. Each one weirder and crazier than the last.

... I keep forgetting ths series isn't finished; I'm literally missing the very last chapter, but I just keep f o r g e t t i n g about it! it's been so long!!

11) second chances (derogatory) [Persona 3]

Ichor runs down his knuckles, staining his hands, and marks his bloody path. The one he chose to traverse just to have a god, any god, grant this wish.

still haven't played P3 Reload so it's still on hold, but like I said, there are a couple of chapters that are 100% finished (and others that have only the title, but let's ignore those)

🚧

Things I would like to start:

12) (we’ve gone) to the dogs [BSD]

His life ends with a bullet between his eyes, no hope for Yosano to do anything at all. Just a bang and then darkness; a shimmering instant of relief before he opens his eyes again in a place and time that hadn’t been his for years. And that’s where it all begins (again).

the thing that I did not post last year, despite the fact that, like I said, there's a whole snippet ready to be posted; mostly bc my favorite character is Oda and the fandom seems pretty intense (in a bad way) when it comes to him, so I am kinda avoiding it. Honestly, I might just end up posting this series here rather than on AO3 :/

13) The Souls of Starfishes [Normal Me and Abnormal Friends]

They’ve gotten better at not flinching whenever they hear the name, but they’ve never quite managed to stomp out the hope that inevitably rises in them whenever they do. ‘Hajime’, it echoes with the beat of their hearts, discordant as they may be.

Normal Me and Abnormal Friends is one of my favorite android visual novels ever, and I really, really want to finally upload something for it this year; this year for sure இ௰இ

13) The Bridegroom’s Hedgehog [LCF]

It was probably a terrible, unsanitary idea to eat something a hedgehog had picked up from god-knows-where, and had put his little, dirty paws all over, and even had taken a tiny bite of, but dying of berry-poisoning (or even hedgehog-poisoning) could not possibly be any worse than whatever awaited Cale at the end of the road.

The fairy tale retelling for TCF/LCF that I was working on!!

15) sing us a song to move the stones [Persona 3]

Minato didn’t want a rerun of last time, though. He wanted to do much better; he wanted to go for broke. Minato turned around in the direction of the alley behind Port Island Station. This was just another choice he’d have to take responsibility for.

my attempt at a New Game+ fic that's still also on hold until i play Reload, sorry.

🚧

Other things I wish I could get around writing, but that have added complications:

with all the pieces of the broken-hearted

we'll build a bridge

Even the best laid plans

Arrested for Attempted Romance

from issues with the fandom to being pretty much abandoned by the author to just not wanting to write it and everything in between; I hope to finish some of these some day, but, yeah... (。﹏。*)

[rwby-the-life-of-a-fang]

Updates and Apologies

Sad to say but I've recently hit a loss of inspiration for the story as it stands. And I have no one to blame for myself because I have written myself into a brick wall that I just cannot find a way through or around. So I'm going to have to end this iteration of my child here. I know I'm ending it on a cliffhanger for good, and for that I am sorry. With how things are going in the world and my personal life (as well as how the show itself has been going), I haven't found neither the want nor time to sit down and actually write. Just last year, I had a workplace accident and have since been fighting with my (then) job to get that properly taken care of, lost my emotional support animals, and lost a family member I was extremely close with.

Despite that, I forced myself to write through the pains and stress, which, looking back on it now, I feel had greatly lowered my writing. Which was another thing I am apologizing for, because I understand my writing might have been lacking in the past few chapters as well as have been all over the place and unfocused. I don't want to make excuses or blame things that are entirely unrelated to it, as I know it was of my own doing that this had happened. I forced myself to write when I wasn't in the best state and when I didn't really feel like it. I just couldn't help myself, as I couldn't, and still can't, believe that so many out there like my writing, and I didn't want to let you all down by not posting something. This all started out as a way for me to vent my frustrations, then turned into something I actually took joy in doing, and now we're here.

Though that's not to say I'm just going to vanish permanently. I actually am planning on remaking this whole story from square one, while not being as "all over the place" or "unfocused" as it originally was in each chapter. So if you still wish to stick around, I thank you and I truly appreciate you for that. If you don't wish to, I wholly understand and won't blame you if that's the case. I have my fair share of writers I used to keep up with before they vanished and/or remade a story in a wholly different style or technique. Sometimes the remake doesn't provoke the same feelings, and that's okay. I don't intend for the remake of Hidden Truths & Exposed Secrets to bring out the same feelings or emotions my original work did. I can't say for sure when I'll start uploading chapters of this redux, but I promise it will be a different experience.

I hope to see some of you, if not most or all of you, in the future. I'll try my best to not be as silent once the redux is posted, but that truly depends on how hard life decides to hit me when the time comes. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Until then, stay safe, be healthy, and don't let stress get to you.

[thanakite]

So in Upload on Amazon Prime there is a scene that is truly peak terrible rich person (in a show with many examples of this, this still manages to stand out to me) and you don't actually fully realize just how truly awful it is right away, you might not even realize it without a couple watch throughs if at all

The scene in question is David Choak eating his rare black rhino meat steak, which he claims they had to "kill the last of to get the flavor just right"

Now of course that alone is pretty peak rich person awfulness, but it actually get worse. In a later episode they actually have a "system update" where a part of the update is ADDING sour, bitter, and umami flavoring to their taste buds because they "only have salty and sweet" which they said made everything taste like kettle corn

Choak doesn't seem to have gotten the update earlier or anything and realistically it is probably a continuity issue (I firmly believe that every show should have at least 1 person on staff as a continuity expert to catch these things but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) but either way it leaves the impression of this literally peak rich asshole thing (that totally fits the narrative) of having them kill the last of a species so he could taste it in a stake in digital heaven and it wasn't even something that he was getting the actual flavor of for a long time, he made an animal extinct so he could have the right flavor, likely knowing full well it was going to taste like kettle corn either way

What a fucking savage

Hilarious added element to this scene though that did take several watches for me to catch the full implications of

[vegan-kaktus]

The pizza delivery NPC has bothered me for ages with its screamingly red color. Also, what’s up with all the different logos? One logo on the car, another one on the pizza box and a THIRD one on the clothes???

Info + download link under the cut since I can’t explain things like a normal person ( ´༎ຶㅂ༎ຶ`)b

NPC Clothing

I shoeswapped afbodypizzadelivery and ambodypizzadelivery with shoes from umbottomwillpants (”converted” to female by me). The shoe meshes are similiar, but not the same! I fixed the shoes’ texture as well to make them match better. In addition to this, I removed shadows, changed colors and fixed a black spot on the AF mesh.

I tried to fix the mapping on the female mesh (on the back) but I couldn’t fix it completely unfortunately - I’m talking about how the logo on the female mesh is a bit “squished” compared to the male mesh. I removed the logo on the front and replaced the one on the back with my new one. The simlish reads: “at your door!”

I uploaded my fixed shoe texture (.png) and two .ms3d files (AF/AM) here, for anyone who would like to use these shoes on other outfits!

Vehicle

I separated the sign on the car, re-mapped it, gave it its own (+new!) texture and also fixed the edges. This default is compatible with any texture default you might have for the pizza vehicle (vehiclepizza-surface_txtr), but it won’t affect the sign. It’s not compatible with dharden’s clean pizza car replacement though, since they also edited the shpe. I personally like the dirty car, but I included a version with the gold/clean texture from Michelle since not everyone might be a fan of the dirty look.

If you use my version, remove dharden’s!

Pizzas

I’ve edited both pizza textures a bit. I made the pepperoni one less red and increased saturation on the combo pizza. (It’s not that big of a difference - I'm aware, but they irked me!)

Before you say “two pizzas?!” - I know I know!! :-D when I extracted the pizza texture I came across a second unused pizza texture. I made a thread over at MTS about this which simler90 saw and kindly fixed EA’s mistake, so make sure to get their fix here! :-D 

Pizza Box

I also defaulted the pizza box. I’ve never seen a white pizza box in my entire life, we only have brown ones here in Sweden - so brown it is! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

to clarify: the pizza box and pizza defaults are in the same file - if you choose to download my defaults separately (vegankaktus_DEFAULTpizzasbox.package)

I also repositoried labine730's buyable pizza box to “foodpizzabox-insideoutside” (it will pick up my default now, or any other default you have for the pizza box. And if none: EA’s original texture) for an anon, and made carvernosims' extracted basegame items compatible with it. It's the file "functionalpizzabox+extracteditems.zip". I also made labine730's pizza box available on community lots + edited the catalogue so now it's found in both kitchen - appliances and kitchen - general since I read about people having problems finding it.

Recommended Mods

These are pizza-related mods/fixes I recommend downloading. They aren’t required for any of my defaults to work, with the exception of simler90′s fix :-)

simler90′s random pizza topping

Neder’s no relationships with delivery people

Marhi’s pizza box on counters only

Edit: You can find my Chinese delivery defaults here!

If you have any defaults in your downloads folder defaulting the same thing as any of my files, you have to remove those before installing mine :-) you can choose between merged or separate files, and all files have been compressed to reduce file size. Let me know if you encounter any issues!

DOWNLOAD: SFS | MTS

Credits: EA, Michelle for the gold texture dharden used in their default, simler90 for fixing EA’s mistake, labine730 for their functional pizza box I edited and carvernosims for their extracted bg items which I also edited :-)

[aziraphales-library]

Okay I'm facing the horrifying ordeal of deleted bookmarked fics on ao3 and hoping someone here can help. The only bookmark I wrote a note on and therefore know what it was was an advent/12 days of Christmas fic posted I think two years ago.

I know people delete for all sorts of reasons but I have five fics bookmarked from the same author that are gone now and I KNOW they were amazing and I was just hoping you or someone who follows this blog might know who wrote them and/or where they went. Obviously I'll respect the author's boundaries but damn there's a hole in my heart where those fics were and I'd love to read them again.

Thanks!

Well I have to say this is really vague and it could have been literally anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But I know of one author who deleted (and then re-uploaded) their fics who has a 12 days of Christmas fic, so.

carol of the bells [T] by drawlight (snagov)

On the first day of December, Aziraphale hangs a sprig of white-berried mistletoe above his bookshop door. Crowley doesn't know what to do.

(A collection of connected holiday-themed vignettes.)

~Mod N

[harcourtholmesii]

So...

I know I have stuff to do, but Covid has not been agreeing with me. Thankfully, it has almost run its course entirely, but I have been amazingly drained because of it. So, I am very behind in updating stories or posting more artwork, but I felt like posting something.

I know this is from a trend a while back, but I figured I might as well do this, since hey, it might open some discussions in future! I hope to get back on track soon for stories and artwork, but for now, here is my favourite character bingo.

(PS. I had to use the anime one because the usual website for bingo making didn’t like me uploading too many images. And... I couldn’t add a character into the free space for whatever reason, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

First Row - RK800 ‘Connor’ from Detroit: Become Human - Lin Beifong from The Legend Of Korra - Trevor Belmont from Netflix’s Castlevania - Remus Sanders from Sanders Sides - Ezio Auditore from the Assassins Creed series

Second Row - Jason Todd / Red Hood from DC and Batman: Under The Red Hood - Lee Everett from Telltale’s The Walking Dead: Season 1 - Garrus Vakarian from the Mass Effect series - Shego from Kim Possible - Severus Snape from the Harry Potter series

Third Row - Tiana from Disney’s The Princess And The Frog - General James Ironwood from RWBY - Stolas Goetia from Helluva Boss - Alastor from Hazbin Hotel

Fourth Row - Bruce Banner from the Marvel Cinematic Universe - Rock Lee from Naruto, Naruto: Shippuden and Boruto: Naruto Next Generations - Garnet / Ruby + Sapphie from Steven Universe - Obi Wan Kenobi from Star Wars: The Clone Wars - Aizawa Shota from My Hero Academia

Fifth Row - Tyrion Lannister from Game Of Thrones - Bigby Wolf from Telltale’s The Wolf Among Us - King Dice from The Cuphead Show and Cuphead: Don’t Deal With The Devil - The Medic from Team Fortress 2 - Bill from Beastars

These are just my favourite characters, and I know at least a couple might get me a sideward glance, but please, respect my opinion and my love for these characters.

Feel free to ask me most anything though, and maybe, sometime soon, I’ll open up some requests for art and stories for more of these characters and their fandom. (At the moment, I am far too hooked on King Dice) (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[bodacious-becc]

Wow, haven’t used tumblr in like 3 years or so. I figure I might as well upload art here too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyhow, happy Gardevoir Day! What better day to come back to this~