#might add the lightest freckles maybe maybe

[alilaro]

how is started vs. how its going

[simlicious]

OMG I thought I was just really crazy because I was in such a bad mood in general yesterday and thought my mood was clouding my inZOI experience. I felt really let down by how little you can actually edit. You are really dependent on the preset you choose. We know how much photoskinned skins can alter the look of a Sim and the same is true for the ZOIs. They use very different skins and it absolutely influences the look, but you can only change the skin type by choosing a different preset, there is no way to select or edit skins otherwise, only the tone and shine are editable. There is blush that adds freckles and moles but it's blush with added moles or blush with added freckles, they do not have standalone moles and freckles. I wish they would have their own category. Also missed birthmarks, blemishes, and scars, but maybe I overlooked something. I was frustrated with eyebrows being way too dark for blondes or redheads even at lightest settings, how the eyebrows are all very long horizontally on the face and very bushy/thick and there is no thick/thin slider. The curly hairstyles department is a serious letdown (where are medium-tight curly styles?). Hopefully they will add more.

A thing that drove me insane is that every time you select another hairstyle the color reverts back to the default color of that new hairstyle. Having to recreate the color every time got old really fast.

You can upload your own patterns for some clothes (it basically lets you open the file editor and pick any pattern from your drive), but there is no way to adjust the color in the game. I found that the UV mapping does look kinda distorted in the elbow bend which was very obvious and unsightly for me (maybe it's just the one sweatshirt though, I have not tested more).

I was hoping for a pattern system with vector-style graphics that lets you recolor certain elements in it, or at the very least some contrast, hue, and saturation sliders to adjust your custom texture, but no such luck. There are no premade patterns at all. The AI pattern designer is the worst crap ever, it does not resemble any patterns at all. I tried to make a floral allover pattern and it gave me weird-looking blob shapes. Oh, and the output does not tile properly, even if you add "seamlessly tiling" to the prompt. On the body, I wasn't able to create truly small boobs (the smallest size seems at least a B-Cup to me). I'm flat as a pancake so I want that representation.

In terms of clothing, there are some very intricate and detailed styles, and this might be ZOI's greatest asset. But most are very trend-oriented and "street style on the runway"-like. It's hard to find truly basic outfits. I worry that the styles may age really badly because of that though. But then, I'm sure there will be tons of CC later on to fix that.

The body and detail of the meshes and textures are really stunning, and wrinkles and age look very convincing. The smiles seem pretty fake/plastered on, but maybe that would be better in the animations themselves, than in the static poses. The eyelash styles really look like they have mascara on (slightly clumped styles available), but I wish there was more variety with stuff like eyebrow styles and lashes which does not offer a lot of variety even for a base game (though it is still in development so this could change). I do like how you can customize things like eyeliner, lipstick and eyeshadow, but I wish that level of detail was not just for selective features like that but that the level of customizability in general would be higher, especially the ability to sculpt the face more dramatically, have presets for eyes, noses, etc. which I have not seen. It seems there are only presets for the entire face.

And if you do not mind working off face presets this might work, but the sliders and ways you can adjust the Zois do need a lot more to be truly great and useful.

Seeing there are limited presets, I think you could really easily hit the limit on what kind of ZOIs you could make. I suspect that after a while, they will all look alike. Remembering all the slider options that Life by You had makes me sad that we are not even getting close to that degree of customization here.

A small thing that I was surprised to be annoyed about is that you have to enter the full name of the ZOI before you make it. It sucks, I choose the name based on the look of my Sim, not the other way around. There is not even a name randomizer?!

The character creator feels like an AAA RPG creator, not fleshed out enough for a life sim.

I really hope this is a very early look into the character creator and it will hopefully change drastically (but my hopes are not very high at this point).

Well... Character Creation in InZOI isn't as pleasant as in Sims (especially Sims 3 hehe). It may be a fun addition in Steam library but it won't replace Sims in any way. I don't feel any connection with the characters at all and editing them (because you use already existing presets) is somehow a tiring task. Also, too few long hairstyles!

[novelconcepts]

anything that involves freckles. go nuts

Gonna go ahead and double up on a recent request of @scavenger-rey‘s, while we’re at it. Just for giggles.

Jamie has a surprising number of freckles. Not that it’s Dani’s business what hidden secrets are stamped into her skin. Not that Dani needs to be looking at her skin at all. 

Not that she can help it, either, with Jamie doing things like this. 

“You look warm, Miss Clayton,” Hannah points out, depositing a tray upon the little table with an arch smile. “Perhaps you’d like to take a leaf out of our groundskeeper’s book?”

Dani shoots her a sharp look, remembering just in time two very important details: one, that she has only known Hannah for two months, and therefore is not quite at the slapping at her arm in frustration stage of friendship; and two, that Hannah does not know what’s going on in her head every time Jamie’s around.

Hannah might suspect with the certainty of a particularly clever detective breaking down a fourth-grader’s criminal activity, but she does not know, and that has to count for something.

“She doesn’t--usually do this.” Heaven help her, was that her voice? Her voice, which is generally high and quick and never tinged with that particularly raw shade? 

“She does when it’s hot enough.” Hannah sounds entirely unimpressed. “Every time, I have to spend half the afternoon explaining to Flora why she’s required to keep all her clothes on.”

Someone should probably have that talk with Jamie, Dani thinks wildly. Someone should definitely explain to Jamie, in no uncertain terms, how dangerous it is for her to be waltzing around the grounds in overalls and a sports bra, her hair pulled out of her face. Someone should definitely get across to Jamie how it is utterly distracting, and not the least bit professional for someone like Dani--who is a co-worker, who is meant to be keeping children out of trouble, and has somehow found it’s much harder to keep herself out of it instead--to deal with.

“Water,” Hannah advises. “Before you keel over. Would you like me to tell her it’s making you uncomfortable?”

Judging by the raised brow, the tilt of Hannah’s smile, the barely-restrained note of amusement in her voice, it’s clear she knows uncomfortable isn't exactly the word. Dani shakes her head. 

“No. I’m. I’m fine.”

“Ah,” Jamie says cheerfully, right on cue. “Hannah, my love, you are a godsend.”

She’s just there, pressed nearly to Dani’s back, reaching over for a glass of ice water. She’s there, and her skin is rosy with the lightest sunburn, and Dani thought Hannah was being cheeky about the whole keeling over jab, but on second thought--

“All right, Poppins?” Jamie’s free hand has wound around her forearm, she realizes. Jamie is looking at her with mild concern, she realizes. Probably because she is quite literally swaying in place.

“Hot,” she croaks. There are freckles on Jamie’s hand, too--and wrist, splashed at random up her arm. There are more than a few on the bare curve of her shoulder. She’s still mentally tallying them up when Jamie presses her gently toward a chair. 

“Didn’t dress for it,” she observes, looking Dani over with worried eyes. “Should take off that jumper before it kills you.”

Have to keep it on, Dani thinks nonsensically--though, it’s true, she had dressed for the gray of this morning, not the heatwave the afternoon has become. Still. Have to keep it on, and maybe add a few more layers, besides, because she can’t let herself linger on what she might look like to Jamie otherwise.

Can’t linger on how Jamie’s eyes might drift over her skin if she were to strip down to a tank top and shorts. Can’t linger, worst of all, on how it might feel if Jamie were to pull her aside--

“Poppins?” Jamie is waving a hand up and down in front of her face. “Right, enough of this. With me.”

There’s a gentle command in her voice Dani finds herself following without thinking. She catches herself taking two steps away from the chair, pauses, stands there looking helplessly back at Hannah.

“I,” Hannah says magnanimously, “think I can manage the children. Go.”

“C’mon,” Jamie adds, and now her hand is in Dani’s somehow, her fingers tightening around Dani’s like this is the most normal use of her body. She gives a light pull, and Dani is suddenly trailing along at her heels, trying desperately not to stare at the back of her neck, the skin shining up from the break in denim at her side. 

Freckles, she thinks wildly. I shouldn’t know she has freckles. 

“You still with me?” Jamie is tugging her, she registers, toward the greenhouse. She gives a shaky nod. “Good. Would hate to have to give you mouth to mouth.”

“You don’t give mouth to mouth for sunstroke,” Dani replies in a voice she still doesn’t recognize. Jamie sends a smile over her shoulder.

“No? My mistake.”

It’s not flirting, Dani tells herself. Jamie is her co-worker, one who keeps to herself and doesn’t have any reason at all to flirt. Jamie is just being kind, worrying over her now, because Dani’s gone and lost her mind over skin and freckles and the spot at the back of Jamie’s neck that leads her brain helplessly into wonder what that tastes like territory--

“In,” Jamie says, gesturing to the door of the greenhouse. “Got a spare set of clothes you can borrow.”

“I have clothes,” Dani points out. Jamie laughs.

“I’ve seen your clothes. They’re not going to help today.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” This is good. This, a mild flush of irritation, distracts nicely from the way Jamie looks crouching beside a trunk Dani’s never noticed beneath one of the tables. 

It almost distracts from the way Jamie looks up at her, a teasing grin playing around her mouth. 

“They’re well and good,” she says, “for carting around after the little beasts. Here. Got nothin’ in pink, ‘m afraid.”

She’s holding up a white t-shirt with the sleeves shorn off--the frayed threads at the shoulders suggest Jamie cut them free herself, possibly in the middle of a workday--and a pair of denim shorts. Unable to find a polite method of declining, Dani accepts. 

“I’ll...just go up to the house to change, I guess--”

“Nah.” Jamie twists around, hands in her pockets, making a point of gazing off in the opposite direction. “Silly to waste the time. Go on, before Hannah thinks I’ve lured you off to commit a murder...”

It’d be kinder, some part of Dani thinks. Standing with Jamie’s clothes clamped against her chest, sweat creeping down the back of her neck, watching Jamie tip her head back and whistle, is entirely painful. 

Particularly when Jamie, evidently registering the lack of rustling fabric, chances a glance over her shoulder and adds, “Unless you need help there, Poppins?”

Dani grimaces. Jamie grins. For a moment, she thinks the rest of the afternoon will become this: staring at one another in a sweltering greenhouse, Jamie watching her like she knows exactly what Dani has been trying so hard not to think about lately.

Jamie smiling like she’s got no problem with Dani counting up all those freckles. 

“Okay, okay, turn around.” She heaves a sigh, waiting for Jamie to rotate back before hauling the sweater over her head. It’s impossible to deny the relief that floods in the minute she’s free of it, and how much better Jamie’s shirt feels against her sticky skin. 

The same cannot be said for the shorts.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” she says before she can stop herself. They are, admittedly, nearly the same height and close enough in build for most things--but does Jamie really wear these? 

“Only when it’s this fuckin’ hot,” Jamie says, still facing the other way. Dani closes her eyes. “Ah, you didn’t mean to say that part out loud, did you?”

“Just--they’re so--” They’re not shorts, she thinks, trying to tug down the hem. They’re like two tiny squares of fabric haphazardly stitched together. The pockets are longer than the pants themselves, for Christ’s sake. “You wear these around people?”

“Just the ones I like,” Jamie says idly, and Dani hates herself a little for being disappointed she’s never seen them before. 

“I can’t face Hannah like this, she’ll laugh herself sick.”

Jamie, at last, twists at the waist. Her eyes drift down Dani’s frame, her lips parting slightly. 

“They, um. Feel less short when they’re on me.”

Dani is going to combust, and then there will be nothing to worry about. No freckles. No shorts. Certainly not the drag of Jamie’s eyes up her legs. Dani combusts here and now, and gets out of all of it almost painlessly.

“No, hey.” Jamie is closing the gap between them, reaching out. Her hands find Dani’s, prying her clawing fingers away from the hem of the shorts. “If you feel weird, you can put your jeans back on. Was only trying to...to help.”

Her voice has gone weirdly slack, Dani registers. Weirdly breathy. Her eyes are still wide, still fixed on Dani’s legs, a color rising in her cheeks that has little to do with her sunburn. 

“What?” Dani asks--less because she wants to know, and more because she can’t stand not knowing. Jamie’s fingers are soft around her own, her breath seeming to hitch in her chest.

“Nothing. You, ah. Have freckles.” Jamie gives her head a shake, blinking rapidly. Her hands fall away from Dani’s. “Never noticed before.”

She’s staring at Dani like she’s never seen her before, and Dani suddenly wonders what courage would look like in this sweltering room. If it would look like hooking a hand around the strap of Jamie’s overalls. If it would look like pulling Jamie in. Letting Jamie press her back against the nearest table. Letting Jamie’s fingers trace up beneath the hem of these ludicrously-short shorts. 

Courage, she thinks, would taste like sweat and mint, like freckles mapped under a curious tongue. It would sound like Jamie’s voice muffled against her neck, the snarl of a zipper lowering in an otherwise-silent jungle of glass and greenery, the thump of a shirt tossed recklessly to the ground--

“Right,” Jamie says, and swings back a step. Her smile is sitting crookedly on her lips, a funny little tilt that makes her look younger, somehow. “I should--should get back to work. Just. Just toss ‘em wherever.”

Courage, Dani thinks, wanting so badly to grasp her shoulder as she turns. She could. She could close her fingers around nearly-bare skin and sink her mouth against the back of Jamie’s neck. She could slide a hand up Jamie’s stomach, pull her backward, feel her tremble under a hungry kiss tattooed to the freckles at her nape. 

She could. 

If she were just a little braver. 

But Jamie is already walking away, one hand tousling her hair nearly out of its bun. Jamie is already walking away, faster than Dani’s ever seen her walk anywhere. 

You, ah. Have freckles, she’d said in a voice like a woman dreaming. Dani bites her lip. 

The shorts, she thinks, could have their uses after all.

[alexanders-headspace]

Back From The Dead (Pt.1)

Notes: 

This is my first official multipart fic. It’s treebros, with the possibility of being a reader insert if that’s what my readers want! Regardless, it’s told from Evan’s perspective! As for trigger warnings: If it’s in Dear Evan Hansen, it’s going to be touched on in this fic. If you’d like to be tagged or just have feedback you can get ahold of me via messages or my askbox!

Summary:

 Connor's died, when Evan visits the Murphy's house he becomes haunted by an angst filled ghost he didn't want, not to mention most of Connor’s story doesn’t add up to be a suicide. Will Evan be willing to do what it takes to bring him back and uncover the truth?

Word Count: 2070

Tags: @watch-the-whole-world-disappear

I look down at the newly signed name on my cast and smile, taking the sharpie back from ‘Connor’. Still smiling, I look up at him, ready to thank him for being the first- and only- person to sign my cast. It doesn’t help that it’s the last week of summer school, so every one of my friends- or at least the people who would have maybe signed my cast- are gone. Connor doesn’t ask why I’m here- which I’m thankful for, because the truth is I’m not stupid, I just couldn’t go to one of my classes this year most days, there were just people in there who liked specifically to pick on me, and even when they weren’t picking on me, they were just completely negative and emotionally draining to be around. I usually only showed up once a week, but that obviously wasn’t enough to keep me out of coming to this school during the summer.

“Give me those.” Connor demands, holding out his hand for the bottle of pills half concealed in my hand, half concealing the fact I have anxiety and depend on lab made chemicals to keep me from shaking every time I have to talk to someone, or get too close to anyone I don’t know, or I have to do that thing where I have to wait at the counter while the checker counts out my change and then I’m standing there trying to put it in my pocket when the next person is already trying to check o-

   My thoughts are interrupted by Connor pinning me to the wall and repeating himself; I must have taken too long to answer. Shaking my head, I retreat into myself and bite down on my lip, my face going red with embarrassment at my sudden inability to speak. Connor gives me a harsh shove, holding one arm behind my back. I whimper, turning my head to look at him.

   “Give me those and I won’t tell everyone you’re writing perv letters to yourself about my sister. She doesn’t even know who you are, freak. Although I’m sure this is what you wanted, isn’t it? You knew I was the only one in the library, you knew I’d find this, that’s why you typed it up in here, isn’t it? So I could read some creepy shit about my sister, huh?” he says, biting down on his own lip, pressing harder onto my arm with every word as if he could break it again through the cast.

Wait, can you do that? Can you break your arm through a cast? I hand over the pills as I think that, not wanting to risk having my arm broken. Again.

He looks at the label, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Cymbalta? Will these get me.. Will this get me high?”

I can’t help the blush of embarrassment on my cheeks, still unable to speak.

I’ve never even been high, I’ve never tried to get high, much less thought it was a good idea to try and get high off medications that I need.

“I-I…” I stammer weakly, and he rolls his eyes, letting go of me and moving away from me.

“Cool. What’s the worst that could happen anyway?” he says, and my eyes widen.

The worst that could happen? Really? He could die, if he decided to take enough, his nervousness would skyrocket, which was incredibly ironic because that’s the very thing it was supposed to fix, passing out, tremors… hyperhidrosis, which again was ironic because that in itself was the cause of most of my anxiety, just thinking about sweating makes me start sweating again. Usually, my hands aren’t that sweaty, until I start worrying that they’re sweaty, which makes them sweaty.

Reaching for the pill bottle I’m harshly shoved by Connor, falling onto the library floor. He storms out, my letter in his hand with my pill bottle. Sitting up, I rub my arm, tears filling my eyes as I take out my phone to text my mom to come get me.

I see the familiar van pull up in front of the school, leaving and getting in the passenger side, closing my eyes and bracing for a barrage of questions.

“Are you okay?” she asks, turning to me.

Nodding, I look over at her. She wipes my tears, frowning. She doesn’t question further, although I can tell it’s because she’s trying her hardest not to.

“Did you write that letter to yourself? ‘Dear Evan Hansen today is gonna be a good day and’-” she starts, but I cut her off.

“Yes, why do you think I was in the library?” I ask, wiping my eyes with my hoodie cuff.

“Well I bought you a binder to put all your letters in…” she says softly, holding out a binder. It’s blue- my favourite shade of blue. On the side she wrote ‘Dear Evan Hansen’ in the pretty handwriting she wrote my name in on the outside of my door when I was little. She helped me decorate it for a full two weeks whenever she could after dad left.

I can’t help but smile, and nod, “Thank you mom,” I mumble, taking it from her and going inside, pausing to look at my door, running my fingers over the caked on paint, the pencil marks from every year I got taller, the lightest pencil mark at the top, where she couldn’t quite reach, and truthfully it’s not my actual height, I felt bad and bent down for her. Well, I had tried, she kicked me for doing it, which I remember me laughing at. I still slid my feet away from the wall, bending my knees ever so conspicuously. My fingers run over the mark, and some of the graphite transfers, making it lighter. I shake my head to clear the memory, going into my room and laying down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I’ve never had to go a day without my medications for almost two years, and suddenly because some asshole I just met wants to get high I have to suffer. He’ll probably give most of them back tomorrow when he realizes you can’t get high off those. Unless you can get high off of those. Which I doubt. I mean I’m on a pretty high dose. Surely I would have felt something?

Mom makes mac and cheese with tuna for dinner, running out after dinner to the hospital, with barely a tight lipped smile serving as a goodbye. Sending one back, I wince at the slam of the front door, taking the dishes to the sink and rinsing them out. Sighing, I pick up a rag and clean off the counters, eventually giving up on a particularly difficult stain and sitting on the floor. I pull my knees to my chest, tears welling up in my eyes. Scrolling through my contacts is no help, who would I even call for this?

Alana? For her to give me statistics on why I shouldn’t be upset, nothing bad has really happened, and my brain should hypothetically be able to keep me from getting so anxious about everything?

Jared? For him to tell me we aren’t really friends, or to yell at me for calling him up so late? There’s only one other person I could call, and if my mom ever saw him on my call logs.. I shiver at the thought of even hearing my dad’s voice, much less the expression I’d see on my mom’s face when she found out I had his number. Of course, I’d gotten it from her a few years ago, so it might not even be any kind of accurate- what if I called a stranger?

No, no, being alone by choice is better than being cast out by my friends and... Family. My hands squeeze the rag in my hand, causing water to spill out of it onto the floor. I get up, sniffling and dropping the rag, heading up to my room. Crashing into bed, the tears start falling. There’s no one home to hear, there never is when I get like this. I don’t even know what this is, it’s some hellish mix of anxiety and… I’m not sure what else but I am sure I hate it.

Nightmares haunt me all night and I wake up two hours before my alarm in a cold sweat. Sniffling, I make my way to the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror for too long of a time, ignoring the urge to pick at a scar on my face that’s always bothered me. My mom tells me I have the scar over a freckle because when I was younger I always picked at it and despite it bleeding I wanted it gone. I had very little reasoning skills, figuring the skin would just heal itself perfectly over the ruined skin. Showering isn’t much help for me to be less anxious, my medication would be incredibly helpful but despite checking the box where I usually keep my pills eight different times I don’t have it. The deafening silence in the house isn’t helpful, and soon after dressing I start pacing. My mom should be up, I think. She comes in, knocking on the open door.

“Hey honey, you’re up early, do you wanna go grab a coffee with me?” she offers, smiling. As much as I’d love coffee, I shake my head; I know how coffee affects my anxiety, and I’m not taking the chances of having a panic attack at school- again. I don’t even bother looking to see the hurt look I know has crossed her face.

“I mean, I’ll go if you’re going to that cafe up the street I’ll come with you,” I offer, my eyes meeting hers, “I mean they serve that strawberry and cream thing, and it’s cold, so.. It’s nice, you know, because it… because it’s summer you know? A-And I mean who else could I share a girly drink with besides my mom?” I ask weakly, hoping I’m convincing her I feel okay.

She smiles, resting her hand on my shoulder for a moment, “Yeah, let’s go. Do you want me to put your backpack and binder in the car? Maybe you could work on today’s letter?” she adds the last part softly, as if asking too harshly would hurt me.

“Yeah, definitely.” I say, forcing myself to smile as I remember what happened to my first letter. I grab my laptop, avoiding opening it so my mom wouldn’t know what I’m up late watching-

“Did you wake up early from all those horror shows you watched last night?” she asks, and my face grows hot with having to lie.

“Horror shows? Mom are you sure you’re talking to the right…” I trail off at the look she gives me, “Yeah actually. I was watching American Horror Story, I didn’t want you to have to watch episodes you already watched when we watch it together!” I complain, almost whining as I tie my shoes.

“Wait, how did you know I was watching that anyway?” I ask, my brows furrowed, getting a laugh in response.

“Maybe you should look at what profile you’re up watching Netflix on. My most recently watched weren’t The Babadook and American Horror Story.” she said, kissing my forehead, laughing when my face scrunches up as I try to move away.

The drive to the cafe is quiet, but peaceful, not the awkward sort of quiet it should have been, because I still haven’t told her that my pills aren’t exactly around anymore. What if she’s mad I didn’t stand up for myself; what if she cries because I’m so weak I can’t even tell someone no when they try to take something of mine. She turns to me when we get there and frowns, and I almost start rambling all of this to her. Almost.

“Honey, you know, your principal called this morning, he needs to see you in his office this morning.” she says softly, and I bit my lip, tears welling up in my eyes from biting down where the skin is already bruised and swollen and from anxiety.

I nodded quickly, looking out the window, getting out and going and snagging a booth for me and her, sitting down and looking down at an empty page on my laptop.

[oh-beyond]

Idol’s life - Back to reality - Final

Chen was so stressed and busy, schedules on a daily basis, no joy, no rest, no nothing, SM getting into his private life way too much, overwhelmed, doesn’t have a moment to even breath, he was done… but meeting this foreigner unexpectedly will make his days more manageable.

Fluff but it’s Chen so he always tries to add a bit of spice to everything because… it’s this cheeky person he is.

Chen (Canon) x Reader

Masterlist

< Clubbing

He rested his arm over your shoulder, he was exhausted and sweaty. When you got out of the club the cold air hitting you both, you felt how he trembled, he looked pale and shivered uncontrollably, his lips quivering.

“Oppa? Are you alright? You look so pale, let’s get a taxi”

He didn’t reply. You felt his body weight on your shoulder, you patted his back but that just made it worst because he literally fell in your arms.

“Oppa on my back, I’ll support you better”

His heavy breath hitting your ear and his shaking intensifying by the minute.

“Yah! Don’t scare me, why are this you weak? Did you have anything else other than red wine?”

He didn’t respond either.

“Oh here is the taxi, can you walk?”

You walked forward as he encircled your neck, his obvious boner poking your back. It was so strange and disturbing. How could someone be like this being sick?

You opened the door to the taxi and helped Jongde get in, when you followed him he immediately placed his head on your lap. You told the taxi the name of the hotel finally focusing on Jongdae’s face. You run your hands through his hair, bending kissing his sweaty forehead.

“What’s wrong with you baby? Don’t scare me”

“I don’t feel well jagi. My body hurts, all over”

“It’s alright we will be there soon”

You stroke his hair, he was writhing in pain, holding onto his tummy.

All while that damn boner was just obvious.

What happened? Just what on earth happened? 

You arrived at the hotel and the taxi driver helped you getting Jongdae out, he fell on your back again finally the concierge coming to the rescue with a wheelchair.

“Rough night?” he asked as you as he pressed the button to your floor.

“Does it look like a rough night of like he’s sick?”

“I apologise ma’am”

He helped Jongdae to bed and you urged him to leave.

“Baby? Oppa, baby look at me, help me undress you, you have a fever”

“No leave me, no... bucket, bucket”

Too late... he puked all over the bed, he couldn’t even move away from his own vomit.

“Oppa, we should go to the hospital, this is not normal” you said straightening him removing his t-shirt.

“No I can’t, it’s nothing, I just need a shower and I will be alright”

You unbuttoned his pants and carefully pulled them down, electing a hiss when his tent was finally freed.

“Oppa! How-wha-I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this hard”

“My fucking luck that I can’t even use it right now”

“No I’m not joking why?”

“Jagi~~~”

“No, you know what? I better not know the reason, you are sick and I need to take care of you”

When you removed his boxer briefs the view was just incredible, his dick was red and thick and for some reason even longer, as if it were to explode any moment.

“It’s very unusual, and it hurts”

“Aha” you simply replied helping him to the bathroom.

You turned the water on and helped him sit in the bath pouring lukewarm water over his head and shoulders.

He did really look sick, and in pain, and most certainly in need of medication. For that part you felt sorry and worried. But every time you darted your eyes down and saw that red dragon down there it irked you.

“Pity tho so I will never get to have a turn with your friend here, you only get like this when sick?”

“Jagi, I don’t feel well”

He started to shiver and his face turned pale again, you washed his face and neck and with difficulty you pulled him up putting the bathrobe on him. Sitting him on the toilet. You pulled the dirty sheets and came back for him who looked as if he were to faint any moment.

When you placed him in bed you noticed that he was trembling and you could hear the sound of his teeth chirping against each other.

“Oppa we need to go to a hospital”

“If this goes out to the media I will harm the guys, I can’t after what happened with my ex”

“You are sick, I am not OK”

“Jagi just lie down with me here”

“No! Where is your phone?”

“Who are you calling?”

“Your hyung of course”

You took his phone and dialled Minseok’s phone number.

“Yeoboseyo! Jongdae-yah”

“Hi-hi Minseok oppa”

“___? What’s up?”

“It’s Dae... he is sick, and he won’t let me take him to the hospital”

“Ah no no no, we can’t just go to a hospital. What does he have?”

“OK so he is vomiting, and he has definitely high fever, he is shivering and...”

“And what?”

“Are you a doctor now? What does it matter if you know what he has?”

“I want to know if it’s serious so I can do something about it. Call the right person”

“It is serious”

“Doesn’t sound alarming  to me. Any other symptoms?”

“His... you know. It’s very weird and big?”

“His thing? What thing?”

“Minseok oppa... his you know... his ding dong”

“Alright my English isn’t that great, and the only thing related to ding dongs I know is the song from SHINee sunbae-nims, so what is a ding dong?”

“His thing”

“His penis?”

“Yes, goddamnit”

“OK what a misfortune, I mean well it happens, we can go hard when sick”

“No Minseok oppa, it’s big and hard and red and it’s just not like him at all, he also says it’s hurting to the touch”

“Where did you go? What happened?”

“We went out and he had like 2 glass of wine, that’s it”

“OK... listen, tell me the truth, did you give him Viagra?”

“WHAT!? Why would I do that? He doesn’t need that shit”

“Yes of course, of course he doesn’t need, just tell me OK, because Jongdae is allergic to it”

“Allergic? And how do you know something like that?”

“We were once playing and we took it to see how it feels, not just me and him all the guys. Now I am fucking exposing myself here so please tell me, because I remember very well that we had to call the doctor and what you are describing seems too familiar”

You then stopped to think that maybe that girl at the club had to do with something like this? Maybe she even added some drugs to the wine?

“Minseok oppa, I think it’s possible, I mean the wine he drank... he took it from a stranger. Long story. Now tell me what to do?”

“Alright don’t panic, just uncover him if he’s too warm, I will have to call the hotel to provide us with an urgent doctor. I think I need to talk to the managers to have this covered somehow. Fucking Kim Jongdae”

“Hurry up please Minseok oppa, I’m scared, he looks so bad, he’s babbling things, I don’t think he’s even conscious right now”

You laid down next to him, bringing his head next to you. You caressed his hair and kissed his temples. He was boiling, the temperature getting really worrying. He kept saying incoherent stuff as he shivered.

“It hurts”

“I know baby, just hold on, Minseok oppa will get you someone”

“I need to call my mom”

“Your mom? Alright baby, it’s alright, I can be you mom” 

You couldn’t believe how cute he was being, behaving like a baby that needed his mom while sick.

“It’s hurting me”

You placed his head back in the pillow to hold his immense erection. It was tender to the touch, you felt the blood pumping underneath the sensitive skin. It soothed him somehow because your hand was much colder than his skin, you caressed the tip with your thumb, he then arched his back at the friction.

“Jagi, I am sorry, I am so aaaah, so-aaaah aaaah, jagi I ruined aaaah”

“It’s alright oppa, you didn’t do anything. You said you didn’t want to go in the first place. I should of listened”

The door of the room knocked, you covered him and went to get it.

“Good evening miss ___, I am the director of the hotel, this is the doctor”

You let them in as the director explained to you that he had received an urgent call. What he called a VIP service, that will be kept confidential.

The doctor entered and and opened the big suitcase he brought along, after about 2 minutes a nurse came in, setting up the IV stand and starting an IV line on Jongdae.

The doctor asked you what happened again and you explained to him. He got a blood sample and he confirmed that Jongdae had indeed taken a substance along with something similar to Viagra. He couldn’t exactly specify what until the sample was examined at the lab, but he did recognise what happened to him just by looking at his erection and pressing on his tummy.

The doctor gave Jongdae a shot through the IV and advised that the fluids needed to be on for at least 24 hours. The nurse would be available on call. 

After the doctor left you called Minseok to thank him and finally breathe. Jongdae was fast asleep and he didn’t look in pain as much as before. You were advised that we wouldn’t wake up in a good while, so you decided to invest your time, and after the director said that anything you wanted could be arranged for you during your stay, you decided to take advantage of the offer.

“Yes here in my room”

“We will be there in 10 minutes miss ___”

“How light?”

“The lightest blonde without it being platinum, I want it to look natural”

“It will suit you, your freckles and skin tone... he will love it” confirmed the hairdresser.

You hid your hair wearing a beanie when you heard Jongdae groan after about 7 hours of sleep, he seemed to be better and his ‘dong dong’ was back to normal.

“Oppa~~~”

“Hmmm, let me sleep”

“Dae~~~, come on get up”

“Nooo”

“Listen, I will get you a change of clothes so you can shower”

He didn’t reply and just rolled over his belly now that he could without the pain from the night before. He hugged the pillow without really hearing what you said.

You opened his suitcase and looked through it, you got a pair of briefs, a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. You were about to close it but you felt something hard in the side pocket. You thought it might be his cologne, without hesitation you opened it to find a beautiful metal box with a glass lid, it puzzled you. What was it.

As you opened it you gasped, covering your mouth with your hand. A ring? What was Jongdae doing with a solitaire ring?

It was beautiful, and you couldn’t resist but to take it out and try it on. You started laughing, was Jongdae going to ask you to marry him? At your age?

It must be a joke.

You started having this nervous laugh, imagining that it could be real? It made you anxious, angry, happy, nervous. You hated surprises and this wasn’t making you feel good at all right now. This was big, and the thought of him just popping the question, and thinking that you would just run into his arms because he decided he was ready was stupid of him.

His phone rang awaking you from your thoughts. You run to silence it before it woke Jongdae who was whining at the sound.

---Hyung---

“Hi Minseok oppa” you whispered.

“여보세요? 누구세요? - yeoboseyo? nuguseyo? - hello? Who is this?” 

That wasn’t Minseok’s voice at all. You panicked looking at the caller and just then you realised that Minseok’s name wasn’t in the screan, it was just ---형--- hyung.

You debated terminating the call, but they had heard you already.

“Hello? Is this ___?” you heard the person ask.

You placed your ear back over the phone, not knowing what to say.

“___? Is this ___?”

“Ye-yes?”

“Hello, this is Jongdae’s hyung, his older brother. Are you with him?”

“Oh hi, sorry for- I though you were- yes I am, but he is sleeping” you replied nervously, you didn’t want him to know he was sick because of you.

“You are in his room? Alone?”

Fuck...

“Jagiya? Who who are you talking to?” asked Jongdae rubbing his eyes straitening himself.

You dropped the ring box in the floor shattering the lid into pieces. Jongdae then opened his eyes realising you had found the box. He got up from the bed loosing his own balance sitting back.

You gave him the phone taking your handbag wanting to just leave.

“Jagiya?”

“종대? - Jongdae?”

“형? - hyung?”

“종대... 지금 뭐해? - Jongdae... jigeum mweohae? - Jongdae... what are you doing now?”

“아 형, 죄송합니다 - ah hyung, joesonghabnida - ah hyung, I am sorry”

“야 종대야! 미쳤네? - yah Jongdae-yah! michyeone? - yah Jongdae-yah! Are you crazy?”

“형, 찬간만요, 기다라요 주세요 - hyung, changanman-yo, gidalayo juseyo - hyung, hold on, please wait” cried Jongdae desperately over the phone.

“Jagi! Jagiya, wait, just wait wait” he hung up the phone on his brother taking at towel from the chair wrapping it around his waist.

“What?”

“Just listen to me”

“Kim Jongdae, that was your brother, and he ain’t happy I’m with you” you said nervously, panting heavily “and your mom calling you yesterday, and you wanting to talk to her- what-” you were starting to put 2 and 2 together.

“Shhh, it’s alright” he cupped your cheeks running his thumbs on your face before pulling the beanie off your head. 

“Holy fuck jagi, you turned blonde? For me?” he asked surprised his eyes trying to take in your new image in surprise and joy. Eyes wide open.

“No, not for you, I- your brother! He-”

“I’ll call him later, you evil jagi, you want me to get hard again”

“I am not kidding”

“Neither am I” 

He stated very seriously before pulling you closer, his hand never leaving your hair, he was fascinated by your looks, also very aware that you did it for him.

“I love you jagiya” 

“Jongdae~~~”

“Listen, I know this isn’t like anything I had planned, and you may be calling me crazy, and I know you guys are different, Culture wise I mean. But whatever you are thinking of, it is correct. 

That was my brother, making sure I am doing what I told my family I would do. Yesterday my mother called to make sure I did it. And yes... I wanted to propose to you, we don’t have to get married straight away. I mean, god I can’t even do it right now, but that ring you have in your hand belonged to my grandmother and my mom wants you to have it”

You didn’t realise you still had the ring on, you pulled it out of your finger in panic “Jongdae I- this is not how things are done”

“I know, but my life is hectic and... come” 

He pulled your hand bringing you back to the bedroom, he bent and placed his hands behind your knees lifting you bridal style avoiding the shattered glass in the floor. He sat you in bed going back to his suitcase looking for something. He got a thin folder and came back sitting next to you.

He smiled opening the folder “what’s this?”

“Our house” he replied giving you the papers.

It was a house sale agreement, and it was in your name. You eyed the documents jaw wide open looking back at him. He took his phone and showed you some pictures of the house also.

“I am sorry all this happened and it’s not romantic enough, but I’d love if you would do me the honour and consider marrying me... in the future, maybe be my fiancee for the time being? Visit my family? Your new family”

“This is, just insane”

“I know but-”

“No Kim Jongdae, this is just crazy because what makes you think I will just go and... listen, I need to go”

“Jagiya! What?”

You stood up wanting to leave but he pulled your hair and brought you back to him pulling at your waist “now is this little girl scared?”

“Jongdae let me go now I need to think. I don’t like this”

“You need to think?” he whispered moving your hair away from your neck “and I need to think here” his nose touching your ear, he took your earlobe between his teeth “we need to think” his voice lower and lower... it was deep, so deep that it got under your skin.

You couldn’t push him away, and you just melted with his touch. You found yourself walking backwards as he peppered kisses all along your jaw and collarbones till the back of your knees hit the bed. He pushed you lightly finding yourself at his mercy completely when he detached himself and looked at you intensely blinking slowly with loving eyes. You were now caged between his arms. As if time had stopped and he just wanted to show you how much he loved you. It was overwhelming because he didn’t know where to start.

“You have changed me jagiya, changed me to the point of knowing that I will never be able to love any other woman ever again. I want to be with you, touch you, caress you, hug you and cuddle with you forever”

As he spoke his fringe fell over his forehead, your hand travelled upwards to move it away.

“How can that whiny little baby talk like this? Your voice is resonating in my ribcage. What are you Kim Jongdae?”

“I am your man - 너의 남자 - neoui namja” his voice husky and heavy.

“Are you feeling better? Is you ding dong better?”

“He was asleep because he was sick, but he is coming out to say hi”

“Jongade... I need to go”

“You always go when we need to talk”

“You don’t want to talk now, this ain’t talking”

“Jagiya I love you, that is what I want to do now and for the rest of my life” 

His voice was deep, and low, and soothing. You felt a pang in through all your body and your toes curled, you body clenching under his. You loved it when you could feel all his body on yours, all body parts being touched by his. your feet, legs, abdomen and chest. All while he looked at you adorably, his eyelashes moving slowly.

He was so beautiful.

The silence of the loving gazes. The adoration in his caresses, his fingers running through your hair, spreading it on the pillow.

“Why can’t we be like this forever? just you and I, chest to chest. I want to look at your face all day”

“When did you get this cheesy Dae?”

“I love you. I love you jagiya” he repeated pulling the towel away from his waist.

He slept again with a smile on his face. You loved how he held you in place, your ear on his chest, making sure you wouldn’t run away. You loved these moments the most. After the slow loving sex it’s your turn to touch his chest, feel his skin with your fingertips, play with his happy trail and plant kisses right above his heart.

You loved him, and he loved you. But this love was crazy and incoherent.

At age 20 being asked to get married by an idol. You still had to study and grow up really. And he still had to work because you would never forgive yourself should he ever leave what he’s built for you. And your relationship getting out to the public was something you didn’t look forward to.

It can’t happen.

You needed to make him understand that. Even if his family was conservative and they didn’t want him to be having relations prior marriage. It just couldn’t happen.

It was already nice of them to be understanding and wanting him to marry you. You’ve heard stories of Korean men wanting to marry foreigners and you were just glad nothing like this was happening. Even tho their golden son could lose everything, they still wanted you.

You looked at the ring that decorated your finger. It was amazing, his grandma’s ring. You looked up at him and smiled. You were between his arms, nothing really mattered.

You detached yourself slowly, you wanted to get rid of the stickiness and change before the nurse came to remove off the IV line and a last checkup, she was due to come in half an hour, but Jongdae whined when you moved.

“I need to clean up the mess, oppa... come on, the nurse is coming in no time”

“The mess? You liked it the mess a couple of hours ago”

“Silly Dae, but I love you”

He was taken off guard, you weren’t the type of saying ‘I love you’ but you meant it.

He pulled you back encircling your shoulders making you fall on his chest, feeling his warm addicting body on yours again...

⤔ 🎵🎶🎵 ⬹

‘아무래도 난 니가 좋아 - amuraedo nan niga joha - Anyway, I really like you 아무런 말도 없이 웃던 - amureon maldo eobsi utdeon - You hugged me when 나를 안아줘 babe - nareul anajwo babe - I was quietly smiling babe 오늘을 기다렸죠 그대 - oneureul gidaryeotjyo geudae - I waited for today, for your sweetness 달콤한 나를 봐요 그대 ye~ 달콤한 나를 봐요 그대 ye~ Look at me, 지켜줄게요 babe - 지켜줄게요 babe - I’ll protect you babe 매일 매일 꿈을 꾸죠 - maeil maeil kkumeul kkujyo - I dream every day 그대 손을 잡고 날아가 - geudae soneul japgo naraga - Of holding your hand 영원히 언제 까지나 - yeongwonhi eonje kkajina - and flying forever, until always 보고 싶은 나의 사랑 운명 이죠 - bogo sipeun naui sarang unmyeong ijyo - My love, I miss you 피할수도 없죠 - pihalsudo eobtjyo - It’s destiny, you can’t avoid it every day I’m so lucky 숨겨왔던 - every day I’m so lucky sumgyeowatdeon - Every day I’m so lucky 내 맘을 고백 할래 - nae mameul gobaek hallae - I want to confess my hidden heart 너를 사랑해~ neoreul saranghae~ I love you'

He sang low in your ear finding yourself melting as he rolled you over, slowly, paralysing your senses with his touches and his voice that was unreal... especially when it was that low, that soothing.

Your eyes closed letting yourself indulge.

Letting him love you, slowly, sensually.

“오빠 사랑해요 - oppa sranghaeyo - oppa I love you”

****

Weeks were passing by, nothing else but FaceTiming at weird times. The 8 hours difference was killing you, but lack of sleep due to him was sweeter than anything. Awoken by his ‘Jagiya!!!!’ 

You never really talked about what happened that day. The ring remained in your finger, and your father seemed to like the idea because he very well knew how much that diamond costed. A future rich son-in-law from China or whatever country was OK with him.

His mother was also very nice. She’d ‘accidentally’ enter the door while he’d be talking to you. You had exchanged a few words with the lady and she’s told you how ‘예쁘다 - yebbeoda - pretty’ you were.

It was nice. 

Everything.

You were happy, and you loved missing him, and the little you saw him made you happy. Just his existence, felling loved by Kim Jongdae was a privilege that only you had in the world.

*****

Comeback season anxiety. Meant less calls. You were decided not to get affected like the last time when he was promoting with CBX. Not be a burden on him.

But you were already clicking on the ‘book’ button getting your ticket to Seoul. Just see him one time before this Kokobop thing happens. Maybe even get a private dance to this outrageous title song, you just hopped really that they didn’t decide on a crazy look for your Chen.

This was it, your apartment, your very own apartment. You stood in front of the digital lock at your door. You felt the keypad with your fingertips and went pressing ‘9-2-9-7′ it beeped indicating it was wrong. You tried again ‘9-7-9-2′ and the door unlocked. Your birth years... the attention to detail, just like you did before.

You entered and admired the out of this world apartment. It took your breath away.

The view from the panoramic window, you could see all Jamshil.

You went directly to the bedroom.

This bed needed to be tried out. Before even washing your face you got your phone and called him.

“What are you doing oppa?”

“I was just finishing practise” he said over the phone panting.

“Damn... can you not breath like that over the phone?”

“Why Jagi? What are you doing? Where you thinking about me?”

“I am always thinking about you silly”

“Me too jagiya, I- I better stop, because the guys are here and Minseok hyung is already giving me the look”

“Alright, I guess I will just clean a little bit, it’s a bit dusty around here. But the bed is very comfy, I like the red wall as headboard”

“Red wa- what are you talki- where are you?”

“Me? At this very classy apartment... gosh but why is it so hot in here?”

“Jagiya!!!!” he whispered-shouted “are you for real?”

“Oh so so hot... I guess I could use a nice bath”

“우린 끝났어니까? 저는 지금 갈 필요가 있습니다 - urin kkeutnasseonikka? Jeoneun jigeum gal pilyoga issseubnida - Are we done? I need to go now” he announced to whoever was next to him rushing to get to the apartment.

You had no time to play around, straight to that hot pink lingerie set putting on the silk mini robe on. You had to be fast because Jongdae’s studio was in the same neighbourhood. 

You let your wet hair cascade over your shoulders just in time when you heard the passcode being entered, you run barefoot to meet him.

And there he was removing his facemask and baseball hat, you jumped on him and encircled your legs around his waist. He spun you around a couple of times  before pinning you to the wall and kiss you with fierce, teeth biting harshly every time he pulled away for air.

“I’m home jagiya”

“I am also home oppa, I missed you” you said running your hands over his....

BLONDE HAIR????

“Kim Jongdae what is that on your head?”

“I wanted to do couple’s hair, I finally agreed to have my hair bleached, you don’t like it?”

“You look strange, as if it’s not you”

“Let me show you how it’s me”

He walked to the bedroom and pushed you to the bed, He grabbed his t-shirt from the back of his neck and yank it over his head, tossing it aside sexily like he knew he could.

“My ding dong needs cuddles”

“Oppa~~~”

Waking up next to him, all you looked forward to, the cuddles, the tight embraces, all the hugs before he had to leave.

Cuddling for hours, in silence, just you and him.

“Nothing can top this jagiya, coming home to find you here”

You propped yourself on your elbow to see his face “I- JONGADAEEEEE!”

“WHAT?”

“SPIDER!”

“WHAT THE FUCK?” 

He jumped out of bed terrified.

“Do something!”

“Jagi I can’t”

“What? Well I can’t either”

“I’ll hoover it”

“They will procreate inside the vacuum cleaner”

“Jagiya~~~”

“Man up Kim Jongdae, or I will tell your mom”

“She knows”

“I feel cheated, I didn’t sign up to a husband with spider fear”

Jongdae forgot about the spider and looked at you in surprise, that was the first time you used that word to address him.

He took a slipper and without thinking it twice he killed the poor creature.

“Proud of your husband?”

You hugged him tight placing a little kiss over his nose “proud, I can’t wait for you to kill all the spider population for me”

Jongdae gulped at the thought, before landing hips thirsty lips over yours.

_______________________

A/N: Thanks so much for reading, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions. It is the last part but well, the possibilities with these series is immense. Being the secret girlfriend of a Kpop idol is like an ocean of things...