#middleagewoman | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

havekiddoswilltravel · 6 years ago

Text

Life Lessons on my 40th Birthday!

On October 26th 40 years ago at 11:45 a.m., in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic a 3rd child surprise baby girl was born to an older couple just 21 months after having their second child. I was what most would call an “accident”, but have I’ve learned that there are no “accidents” in life. Every moment, experience and surprise is meant to grow and shape us. On the morning of my 40th birthday, as I sit at home telling my kids that today is all about me and they’re going to go along for the ride, I reflect on the lessons that I’ve learned as a 40-year-old wife and mother of four. I hope that you like dancing the day away, because boy are we dancing! #thisis40

Reflections from a family travel wife and mami of 4:

- Tomorrow’s not guaranteed. Live each day to the fullest, choose to see the good and pick your battles. Every single battle dropped on your lap is not yours to be fought. Rest up. Fill your soul and make sure that those in your life that matter always know how much you love them. Tell people that you love them, touch them, hug them and have no regrets.

- Be authentic and genuine. As I reached the end of my 30’s, I learned on a daily basis to not pretend, nor walk on egg shells around others. I truly feel like one of those older black women that I admired in my teens. The ones with natural hair and white hair if need be. They exuded wisdom and caused me to lean in and listen when they spoke. As I start my 40’s I’ve learned to speak less, listen more and soak in in the wisdom that they share. #thisis40 #takemeorleaveme

Pin for later:

- Don’t be fooled or influenced by other’s over edited and scripted life on social media. Hear me out on this one. As a writer, I tend to share a lot of our story online, yet I’m cognizant to NOT only share the good and social media worthy aspects of your life. Adulting is hard and overwhelming. I truly believe that if my sharing the tough times encourages just one wife or mother, than the risks are worth it.

- Don’t surround yourself with mirror images of yourself. One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned while traveling is that sometimes, the kindred spirit is the person that you least expected. During one particular road trip south, I was driving alone with the four kids and used stops as educational experiences. I was driving through Southern Virginia and had some touch experiences with other travelers. The kids and I were exploring the Natural Bridge Park and a tattoo covered, bike riding middle age white man kept going out of his way to engage with me. I was wearing kid four while hiking and keeping an eye on the other three kids, so I was a bit leery of his attention. He was persistent and finally asked me where we were headed and about our travel plans. He then shared that he was ex – military and that his experiences traveling the world changed his outlook and ideology in such a way that he wishes that he could go back and make friendships with people in the United States that don’t look like him. As he spoke and I mainly listened, my heart was softened and I was convicted about how my past experiences had influenced my initial opinion of the man. He offered to take a picture of me with the kids and volunteered his favorite scenic spots to visit on our trip. Don’t judge a book (or a person in this case) by its cover. Take time to hear people’s stories and you will be changed. This is the biggest gift that travel has given me. My friends list is filled with people from diverse life, cultural, language, food, religious beliefs and travel experiences and I cherish every moment in life that brought these folks into my circle.

- Don’t over think an opportunity to travel. Nothing challenges your outlook, understanding and life like using all of our senses to experience something. I’ve never regretted taking a trip, but have regretted missed opportunities.

- Every battle is not yours. We live in a world where folks tend to engage in deep philosophical, religious and political debate on social platforms. Though I may be tempted to respond to some of this stuff, I’ve learned that not everyone has earned a front row ticket to my life. It’s ok to read comments on-line and keep on moving. It’s probably healthier to do so. I exercise my right to use the unfollow button.

- Don’t waste time overanalyzing other’s behavior. If you feel that you may have offended someone, ask for forgiveness whether they accept it or not. If you can’t figure out what you’ve done to offend them, and they’re unwilling to share, don’t fret and use that energy in other areas of your life. We’re all a work in progress. We’re shaped by our family history, parenting, relationships, experiences, inputs (media, books, travel or lack thereof) and thus attempting to understand someone else’s actions can be daunting. Don’t let these experiences paralyze or change your heart. Have realistic expectations of others. Create and maintain appropriate boundaries and live your best life.

- Don’t let fear be the emotion that takes precedence in your life. Let joy, faith, hope and love overcome fear and anxiety. Model this for your children and show them with your actions how to live this out in their own life.

- Do hard things with other people. One of my goals prior to turning 40 was to earn a black belt in Taekwondo. I started this goal with a friend and we accomplished it together. We kept each other accountable, we laughed together, we shed tears together and encouraged each other when the process felt overwhelming. I truly thought that I would be done with taekwondo once I earned the black belt, yet I’ve continued to show up to the dojang with this same friend two times per week. We just earned our first tape toward our second-degree black belts. We’re two unlikely candidates for second degree black belts, yet we encourage and motivate each other in ways that we could never do alone. I love that two middle age black women, can bring a smile to our Korean grand master’s face, as we nailed our koryo form and broke a 1-inch board with a blind folded spinning hook kick. What? Who would have thought?

My goals for 40:

- be more loving and less judgy (my neighbor uses this word and it resonates with me, as a type A - red - over achiever).

- learn from the trials and truly enjoy the little moments.

- in ALL things give thanks.

- be grateful.

- love others well.

- balance the former goal with knowing how to say no.

- have no regrets.

- embrace the travel bug - just go.

1 note · View note