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rubykgrant · 3 years

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(Hey, have some Grimmons Wedding Night! don’t worry, nothing but fluff-tastic cuddles~ I’ll write out the entire wedding day at some point, but for now enjoy the boys being giddy and affection about being HUSBANDS)

Simmons was still internally spinning long after all the dancing and laughter was over… he just couldn’t lose that bright and bubbly feeling in his head; he was married now. Grif was his husband. This was going to be their first night together as newly-weds. Tomorrow, they would leave for their honeymoon. He knew all of this was going to happen, he had planned most of it step-by-step, and he’d been very aware of everything all through the evening… but it was still sort of overwhelming. Not surreal, no, everything was incredibly clear and detailed. It was just so MUCH, and he was so HAPPY.

They hadn’t said a word since finally escaping all their friends and family, stumbling away from the party (though at this point, it was winding down), and blushing at all the celebratory calls when people realized the married couple was going up to their room together. They had both practically fallen down in the elevator several times due to extreme giggle-fits, and then tripped as they walked down the hall, because they couldn’t stop trying to kiss each other. Neither man had a single alcoholic drink all day, but they certainly looked and acted drunk, and they knew it, which made it even funnier.

Once inside their room, they fell down on the bed, laughter turning into softer chuckles and hums of joy, and they finally had a chance to just… take a deep breath. Sigh. Look at each other.

The bed wasn’t quite gigantic, but still more than big enough for them both. It had an extra-fluffy comforter, which Grif and Simmons were currently nestled into… they both smiled at each other, their faces soft yet clear in the dimly lit room (Grif had flipped on one light near the door as they came in, but that was it. More than enough to see by, and besides; there was a skylight above them, and although it wasn’t directly over-head, a full moon was up there somewhere).

The room itself was very nice, but not too extravagant, and still small enough to feel cozy. Grif had specifically chosen this hotel for the ceremony and this room for their wedding night because it was big enough to have space for everybody, but not nonsensically expansive (the idea of getting lost trying to find their room was horrible, but knowing their luck, that was exactly the kind of thing that would happen… and then they’d fall into a hell-dimension or something, whatever, weird crap ALWAYS went down when they wandered off, but not this time DAMMIT, it was gonna be a perfect day!). Also, this place wasn’t decorated with a bunch of fake-tourist-beach-themed junk, thank you very much. Grif was Hawaiian, he was getting married in Hawaii, he knew what was up.

Grif had slowly shed some of the outer layers of his suit after the ceremony, the jacket left behind on a chair down stairs, his tie long gone, and shirt un-tucked. Simmons was still all together, but that wasn’t going to last. Grif gently loosened Simmons’ tie for him, and Simmons began undoing his own buttons. They continued like this, switching between doing something for themselves, or helping the other remove a bit of clothing. Simmons sat up, placing his glasses on a table beside their large bed. Grif rolled onto his back, kicked off his shoes, and started wiggling out of his pants. Simmons giggled at the sight, then helped Grif get the job done. Once Grif was finally free of the fancy clothes and able to relax, Simmons took his own pants off (folding them absentmindedly out of habit), and gathered up everything to put out of the way.

Grif re-positioned himself, scooting to the middle of the bed, and held an arm out to Simmons. Smiling, Simmons came back to the bed, sitting with Grif and melting into his arms. They were only in their boxers at this point, able to feel each other’s skin and warmth… familiar and well-known at this point, but they would never get tired of it. They would never not love it.

As the cuddling continued, they realized they hadn’t spoken at ALL since they came in here… and that was kinda funny.

Grif and Simmons ALWAYS talked. Constantly. It was their whole thing. They bickered and bothered each other, they joked and laughed, they had deep and meaningful discussions or stupid and irrelevant conversations. The fact that they could always talk, about ANYTHING, was perhaps the first indication that they were meant to be (but they had unfortunately been too oblivious to see that right away). They never got tired of that, either. It was sort of ironic right now, though… what was there to say? “I love you”? Well, that was very true, but also very obvious. They had said it several times through the day, dozens perhaps. In their vows, Grif and Simmons had gone into more detail about their love, getting all sappy and honest in front of EVERYBODY (but hey- it was a wedding, that’s what you do). They also didn’t need to say what they wanted to do together right now. In fact, they had gotten each other undressed without a word.

Silently, they seemed to agree that they didn’t need to talk right now. They were both full of food and feelings, tired from walking around and dancing, but much to excited to even consider trying to sleep. They just wanted to keep looking at each other, and keep touching each other. They were in no rush, no rush at all…

Simmons pressed his forehead to Grif’s, and began to hold his husband’s hands, stroking them with his own fingers, running his thumb over the knuckles, turning them over to see the palm’s… as if he was looking at them for the first time. Grif was content to let it happen, enjoying the devoted attention. After a moment, Grif made a move of his own, bringing Simmons’ hands up, first kissing the back of the cybernetic one, and then the organic one. Such a silly, old-fashioned romantic gesture would have felt awkward in a different situation with a different person… but this was Simmons.

The man who has listened to Grif ramble on about how he thought Salad Fingers took place in the same world as the movie 9, who has held Grif’s hair back when he threw-up on several occasions, who has seen Grif get repeatedly kicked in the crotch and sent flying clear across a room... and also the same man who has given Grif his own heart to keep Grif alive, who has comforted Grif after dozens of nightmares, who has shared nearly every part of his life with Grif. The man who was now Grif’s HUSBAND. It was just a given that they would be silly together, and by nature, they made each other act stupid. It was impossible to imagine anything that was “too romantic” when it came to Simmons, because they deserved all the romance that existed; they loved each other, in just about all the ways you could love a person. Romance was more than welcome in moments like this. Romance was MADE for moments like this.

Simmons now moved his hands up Grif’s arm’s, traveling over the shoulders, finally going up into Grif’s hair. Simmons’ fingers, both flesh and metal, were so intuitive as they ran across Grif’s scalp, gentle but firm in a way Grif simply adored. Grif leaned forward, tilting his head down and kissed Simmons on the chest, right in the little dip of the collar bone. Simmons let out a long and sweet exhale, and it was music to Grif’s ears. Grif’s hands found their way to Simmons’ back, running up and down, feeling the shoulder-blades, the curve of the spine… and Simmons could feel the warmth of Grif’s touch, how soft his hands were with just barely a little rough edge of callous in certain spots.

They pulled each other closer together, Grif’s face finding his favorite spot in the crook of Simmons’ neck, their chests now pressed close. Grif felt like he was completely wrapped up in Simmons, wanted and loved. Judging from the way Simmons kept pressing multiple little kisses into Grif’s shoulder, Simmons felt the same. They finally leaned away to look at each other again, and Grif felt a sensation building in his chest; it made him shudder… such a white-hot feeling, it burned but didn’t exactly “hurt”, it was pure joy, so bright and strong… as Simmons moved his hands to hold Grif’s face, Grif actually let out a sound (that was thankfully quiet) like a gasp and a whine happening at once.

Simmons seemed to know what was happening and what to do, so he kissed Grif on the mouth, and it was… it was like all their other kisses, somehow, even though those had each been different, like the kiss when Simmons first told Grif how he felt, like all the casual kisses shared while watching TV, but it was also new, and familiar in a way it never had been before… it was everything. The feeling inside Grif’s chest finally had somewhere to go, as Grif did everything he could to somehow kiss his gratitude into Simmons… who, at last, was no longer spinning inside.

He suddenly felt focused and concentrated, everything he wanted was right HERE, nothing else mattered; he was where he belonged. Had he ever thought it was possible to feel this way? To even hope for it? The fact that he would find himself utterly comfortable, knowing without doubt that he was surrounded by affection, able to give it as well as have it returned? Grif could still surprise him at times, doing things that thrilled and excited him, but what really charmed Simmons about their relationship; he could actually relax into it. He didn’t have to worry about being good enough or “earning” the right to be this happy. They loved each other, and now they were married, it was so easy and wonderful to be together. As the kiss continued, Simmons felt warm tears of joy roll down one side of his face (only one eye still watered-up, but he still had that tingling sensation in his cybernetic one).

They both sighed once more, Simmons moving to lay back on the bed, and Grif easily following him. Their legs linked together as their heads sunk into the pillows. They still hadn’t spoken… but Grif was tracing the edge of Simmons’ jaw with his thumb, while Simmons rested his hand on Grif’s chest. Almost like they were playing a game, they could both guess what the other was thinking, all sorts of compliments and endearments shared through expressions and body language. They even knew the sound of their voices so well, they could practically hear each other. It made them giggle again, and they snuggled closer, hugging until it passed.

“Hey Grif…” Simmons finally said, looking him in the eyes.

“Hmm?” Grif made a little curious noise.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“You’re my HUSBAND~” Simmons grinned at him.

Grif choked on his own laughter, burying his face into Simmons’ shoulder.

They would never stop making each other stupid, they would never stop being silly and sappy, they could talk forever or say nothing at all, they would always feel safe and comfortable with each other, they would always find ways to make it feel new and exciting, they would never get tired of how it was when they were together… because they were in love. They were husbands. They were married.

#red vs blue #dexter grif #dick simmons #grimmons #rvb fic

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ygreczed-3 · 4 years

Photo

The Red Guard and the Snow Angel

Summer Falls desert concept art

Hank and Connor

Gavin and Nines meditating + thunder, snow, fire and wind seal

Gavin and the thunder spirit

More concept arts - traditional art & inking

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

When they go through the Summer Falls desert, Connor and Nines pass out fairly soon due to their intolerance to fire magic. They only get better at night, when the temperature drops, so they stay awake to watch out while the humans sleep. During the day Hank and Gavin have to take them on their horse/Sumo and walk beside them, even though the intense heat isn't making things easy for them either. They reach a village in an oasis where Connor and Nines get better, and when they realize there's a spring in it, they decide to go and rest a bit as the night arrives.

Nines and Gavin are gone meditating on a less crowded part of the spring.

Gavin : That's stupid… How can this make me stronger than my training ? Nines : Stop talking and focus on your breathing. Gavin : Grmphh.. Nines : Can you feel the source of magic inside your body ? Gavin : … Yeah. Nines : You have to… establish a connection with it. Show him you don't fear it Gavin : But I fear it. Nines : The war spirit you host is an incredible source of power, and you can believe me, it is as bellicose as you are. It only needs a goal to aim for and you'll be able to channel its energy. Gavin : … You know I'm your enemy… Why do you help me ? Nines, closed eyes : I know I can compete with you. I'm ready to be challenged. And it's funnier to fight a skilled warrior than a scared little boy. Gavin : … Fucker.

Connor and Hank in the hot spring

Connor : I think that's what your hug feels like. Hank : hm ? Connor : The hot water. I think it's what hugs feel like. Hank : You said my hugs... Connor : Did I ? I was just thinking… about how you hug Sumo sometimes. He loves it. Hank : Yeah, this big boy loves cuddles I admit that. Connor : It must feel good. Hank : What… You've never been hugged before ? Connor : Golems do have… intimate behaviors, of course but it's not… I mean we're… not physically warm, so... (NB : I was thinking golems in this universe would be like vampires, not as freezing as actual snow but still colder than humans) Hank : ...Thought you didn't like heat that much. Connor : Warmth from human's touch is different from fire magic : it feels more… safe, less aggressive. I think I'd like that. Hank : … How do you know that ? Connor : I touched your back to heal it, remember ? Your warmth feels nice. Hank : Yeah okay, you touched me, but you don't know what my hugs feel like ? Maybe you'd hate that. Connor : I wish I could know.

They look at each other, but then Hank looks away and stands up.

Hank : It's late, I'm tired. I'm going back to the inn. Connor seems disappointed, but then Hank keeps going. Hank : You coming ?

When they enter the room they share all together, Nines is already in stasis and Gavin is snoring loudly.

Hank takes Connor's wrist silently, looking at him in the eyes as if tacitly asking for permission. Connor just lets himself be enveloped by wide arms, and rests his cheek on his collar bone.

Connor sighs, closing his eyes as he enjoys that nice bear hug. He feels that warm something in his chest growing in his body, invading his stomach with pleasing flutters.

Connor : Hank… Hank : Shhh… it would be embarrassing to wake those two idiots up now.

Connor bites his lower lip as he silently reaches for Hank's hand, his skin turning white as he presses gently each of his fingers against Hank's. It's known to be a quite intimate gesture among golems, and the closest human equivalence to it would be a kiss. Connor is aware that it could even be interpreted as indecent given how close their bodies are, and that if Nines was to wake up at that moment he would probably choke on thin air. Of course Hank has no clue about that and just thinks it's funny.

Hank : What, you wanna dance ?

Connor realizes they're holding each other on the left side and touching hands on the right side, and it seems like they're going to waltz. He chuckles from the absurdity of the situation from a human's perspective.

Connor : I wouldn't know how to. Hank : Good thing, I'm a terrible dancer. Connor : Ahah...hmm, Hank, I like it. Can we stay like this for a moment ? Hank : Sure.

One night in the middle of the desert, Gavin is on the watch as Hank sleeps in the tent. Connor is with him, but Nines inexplicably stays around the fire, silent. Gavin is bored out so he just starts the conversation.

Gavin : I feel like the old man and your stupid brother are getting along. Nines : I have this feeling too. Gavin : Doesn't bother you? Nines : What can I do ? I asked Connor to be careful, but I'm not blind… He's shining with glee whenever Hank is around him. I can't… force him not to feel. Also, I think Hank isn't that bad of a person… for a human. Gavin : Still certain we're the bad guys ? Think about it : you were made to serve us. You betrayed your creators and let us starve like dogs. Nines : Humans didn't create us. Kamski did, and if he had wanted to, he could have made unthinking, obedient golems. Maybe we were meant to break free. Gavin : Oh yeah, so why can't you even procreate ? Simple answer: you were not designed to be an individual species from the start. You were built with no other purpose in life than to help us survive. Nines : Didn't that even occur to you that humans did bad things too ? Gavin : We're just trying to survive ! Nines : So we are. Gavin : … So what ? You're saying we're two evils ? Of course we are. But I have to protect my people, you understand that ?

Nines stays silent, exploring the surprisingly genuine glare Gavin throws at him. Of course he understands that. His own despise for humanity is only driven by his deep desire to protect Connor, Marcus, and his people. He looks back at the fire heating them, unconsciously processing how ridiculously similar they are.

And yet, something starts growing in his mind, the irritating sensation his relationship with Gavin has changed from the moment they met, and that he unexpectedly wanted to protect him as well.

Nines : Would you kill me ?

He can't even explain how this sentence even made it out of his throat. He already knows the answer. Gavin stares at him longingly, noticeably surprised by the question. He stays silent as he puts more wood in the fire.

Gavin : If I had to, I probably would. But I… hum… don't want to. Nines : … hm. Gavin : What about you ? Would you kill me ? Nines : I don't know. If lives were at stake, certainly, even if I'd find this decision… regrettable. Gavin : ... Oh wow, is that your way to tell me you like me ? Nines : … Don't set your hopes too high.

Gavin breathes in a laugh and goes back to silence, smiling smugly.

They arrive in Nestlepeek and split in two teams, Hank and Connor go to the center of the town, where Connor hopes to find more precise information about Kamski and where he hides.

Gavin and Nines were supposed to go buy supplies, but as they head to the covered market, they are challenged by a man in the street to defeat his champion in a fight. As Nines realizes it's all for illegal gambling, Gavin accepts and finds himself in a cage, combating a birdman.

He thinks he's got the hang of it but as soon as the birdman starts flying Gavin can't touch him with his sword anymore and becomes vulnerable to his aerial attacks.

Nines : Gavin ! Summon the spirit ! Gavin : No way ! Nines : You'll lose if you don't ! Gavin : I know what I'm doing, alright !? Nines : You obviously don't ! Thunder magic gives you advantageous long throw attacks, you can't win against a flying foe with close combat techniques ! Gavin : I think I killed enough Golems to know how to fight flying foes ! Nines : You bastard…

Nines uses his snow magic to catch the champion in ice and immobilize him.

Owner : What the hell !!! Who did that ?! Nines : I did. I'll replace your champion, open the cage.

The owner is confused first but then he sees the opportunity and accepts. Nines enters the cage and gets ready to fight.

Gavin : … You wanna die ? Told you I could do it. Nines : We've been talking about this fight for ages. It's time to see what you're capable of.

They start fighting and they're pretty even for the first ten minutes. Their fight gathered a lot of gamblers and spectators.

When Nines starts to take advantage, Gavin's eyes suddenly turn bright yellow, and he charges at him : Nines can see the thunder magic halo surrounding him. He parries many strikes but Gavin has gained in speed and ferocity. Soon enough, Gavin throws him to one extremity of the cage, and as the crowd around them is screaming in excitement, Gavin holds up his dagger. He's trembling, electricity forming around his hand.

Nines can make eye contact but somehow, Gavin isn't answering his glare.

Nines : Gavin- You hear me ?

Gavin doesn't say anything, and Nines is sure he's gonna die when the human warrior shoots down his dagger… only to hit one of the cage's bars just behind him. Gavin closes his eyes, and opens them, showing blue-green orbs again, and he straightens up, breathless.

The crowd boos them as Gavin takes a step back and drops the other dagger. He asks the owner to open the cage and leaves the place, Nines following him, still out of breath as well.

Nines : Gavin !

Gavin stops, letting Nines get closer, until they face each other again.

Nines : You did it. You mastered the spirit… Do you realize that ? Gavin : I could have killed you, then everyone around me. That's what the spirit wanted to do… Do you realize that ? Nines : But you didn't. With a bit more training-... Gavin : I almost killed you, Nines, for fuck's sake ! Nines : … So what ? Thought you were ready to. Gavin : Listen, this beast wanted you dead, everyone dead so bad… How can I… How can I use this power when I know how dangerous and unstable it is? Nines : … But you stopped it, right ? You can control it. Gavin : You fucker, if it wasn't for you, I know I couldn't have stopped it. I would have killed all those strangers, I know that, and I'm not… I'm not a murderer. Nines : … What do you mean, for me ? Gavin : Drop it. I need some air, don't follow me.

Hank and Connor enter the library, Connor is looking for the archived events-records to see if Kamski came into this village (which is most likely given it's the first one you can find after the desert)

It appears that the local people can fly so the library is very high, and most scales don't even reach the top of the bookshelves.

Hank : How the hell can we reach the archives ? Connor : Wait a minute, I'll go there and take some volumes with me.

Connor spreads his wings, that widen to support his weight as he takes off to the highest point of the library. Hank is impressed by how graceful Connor looks in the air. When the golem comes back with a consequential pile of old, handwritten books, he's just there, mouth open in amazement.

Connor : Here we go… the last 10 years of history in this village… Ready to pull an all-nighter ?

Hank doesn't reply.

Connor : Hank ? Hank : You're beautiful.

Connor blinks once, his lips slightly parted from the surprise, his eyes conveying nothing else than confusion and yet, low-key content.

Connor: ..I'm sorry ? Hank : When you fly I mean… that's impressive… and beautiful. Connor : Huh… Thank you, I guess ? Anyway hum… let's… let's find a table… Hank : “Thank you” ? But do you even realize how beautiful you are ? Connor : I was created to meet some human ideal. Why would I be proud of something that isn't my doing ? Hank : Ah, don't be so modest. Connor : … you know, I think I find humans more attractive than Golems. Each one of you is unique, and I love everything you call “flaws”.

Hank laughs halfheartedly at his last line.

Hank : You don't make sense, kid.

They read the archives until it's dark outside. Hank can't help but yawn as Connor lights the candles to keep reading.

Connor : You can go back to the inn, Gavin must be there already, and Nines can take over. Hank : Nah, I'm good. Connor : Hm… Hank : You okay ? You look… worried. Connor sighs : … What if we can't find Kamski ? What if… I was wrong, what if we had to go back to Detroit and Jericho with just nothing ? I don't want to return to a situation where I'll have to fight you… I just can't. Hank : … Yeah, I understand that. I don't think I can remain a Red Guard after what we've been through… After I got to know you. Connor : If we were to fail… nothing will never be the same again. Without you.

Hank just looks at Connor with sharp eyes, as if he's got the urge to say something. At this point Hank knows he's falling for the Golem, but of course, he won't say anything, because he's sure it's only one sided, Connor is so young and handsome he can't possibly feel the same.

Actually the dark haired golem is totally in love with the man, but again, he thinks Hank can't reciprocate his feelings since he's probably into women (after all he used to have a wife), and definitely not into Golems anyways. It just feels so unfair to both of them to consider going back to their normal life when they just want to stay with the other so bad. They just wish they could stay together and run away in some romantic and lovesick lunacy. Again, they won't tell each other about it.

#detroit become human #dbh #The red guard and the snow angel #TRGATSA #dbh hank #dbh connor #dbh gavin #dbh nines #reed900 #hankcon #dbh hankcon #dbh reed900

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angeltrapz · 3 years

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Chainshipping request(s): Adam and Lawrence bonk their heads together like cats. Maybe Duchess is there. Also, this isn’t necessarily a request, more of a headcanon, but if Lawrence were to get into photography, he’d take pretentious photos of clouds and wildlife. The kind on those desktop backgrounds or motivational posters. The beauty of nature <3.

Okay first: you're absolutely right that he'd take photos of the clouds and wildlife... his favourite pictures would be ones he took of sunrises/sunsets, interesting flowers/plants/birds, & candids of Adam and Diana <3 personally I see Lawrence as someone who rlly likes the outdoors so he'd have SO many pictures. Adam watching Lawrence take his fifth sky shot of the day, internally: 😍 Externally: "You fucking dork <3" (extremely affectionate)

Second: this prompt was so cute?? Duchess is not here physically but she is in spirit (she's napping in the bathroom sink). Writing under the cut even though it's not very long! Thank you again for this request!!

"Adam."

"Mmhmm."

"Bug. Darling. Love of my life."

"Mmm, those're some nice words."

"What are you doing?"

Currently, Adam is very sleepily trying to roll on top of Lawrence(? the doctor isn't sure), presumably to keep him in bed for a while longer (not that it makes Adam's actions make any more sense, since it's Saturday), but he's... having a hard time of it, whatever he's trying to do. His limbs are still heavy with sleep, fuzzy and numb and mostly uncooperative - evidently frustratingly so, if the smaller man's exasperated grunts are of any indication. Still, after a moment more of struggling, Adam mumbles, "'m cold. You're not. Simple."

Ah. Tired logic at its finest. Lawrence just can't help it; he laughs and he laughs hard, perhaps unreasonably so (isn't everything always funnier when you're sleepy?), but he can't keep it in. His boyfriend gives a particularly petulant whine, but it doesn't stop him from continuing in his efforts - at least, until Lawrence presses a kiss just off-center of Adam's temple and hums, "Settle down, Ads, I think I have a better idea."

"Does it end with me bein' warm?"

"Hopefully. Here, lay on your side."

"But that's -"

"Just trust me, bug."

He gets a grumbled mmkay in response, but Lawrence knows that Adam isn't mad - just tired. This is usually how he is before he's had the chance to wake up a bit, and there's no genuine anger in any of it. Just a bit of crankiness. It's not as though the doctor himself doesn't have his moments, too. "C'mere," he murmurs as Adam shuffles, "face me."

Adam smiles softly as he seems to understand what Lawrence is saying, shifting until they're laying chest-to-chest, the smaller man hooking a leg over Lawrence's, their bodies entangling easy as anything. The doctor's arm comes to curl snugly around Adam's middle, and in appreciative return, he very gently bumps his head against the underside of Lawrence's jaw - a gesture so reminiscent of Duchess's favoured greeting that Lawrence chuckles to himself again, entirely smitten and incredibly fond. He responds by pressing his cheek to the top of Adam's head, just because he can, which gets another small laugh out of the photographer.

God, he loves this man. He loves this man so much it hurts sometimes.

A kiss laid to the side of his throat moments later tells him that the feeling is very much mutual. Of course, he knew this already, but it's still nice.

"Better?"

"Mmm." Adam gives him another kiss, this time pressed to the corner of Lawrence's jaw, all soft gratitude and sleepy satisfaction; it's always a bit hard for the photographer to grasp words when he's half-asleep like this, and he often prefers to stick to monosyllabic answers if he even speaks at all, but Lawrence can hear the silent 'thank you' in his murmurs all the same.

Still, though, he hears a muffled "thanks, love you" just seconds later, feels the tickle of Adam's lashes against his neck as his eyes flutter shut. He'll be asleep again before long, there's no doubt.

Well, that's just fine. What are weekends for, if not for sleeping in when the opportunity arises? The comforting and familiar weight of Adam in his arms has Lawrence's lids feeling pretty heavy, anyway.

So, the doctor simply smiles, presses one last kiss into Adam's hair, and murmurs, "I love you too. Hope you sleep well.

What's another hour or two when they're both warm and happy?

#asks #saw #adam #lawrence #they are so grossly in love <3 good for them!!!#they kinda bonk heads. not rlly. sort of though #also! I don't think I tagged anything as such but these are okay to rb if you want! I just realized I never said anything dkjksd #what? me projecting the fact tht I'm not a morning person whatsoever onto adam? it's more likely than u think #fun fact sometimes I am shy to post my chainshipping writing bc They Are So In Love It Makes My Heart Hurt #anyway. ty anon!!!

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badass-at-fandoming · 4 years

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Just Little Ventrue Things ~

I finished a Camarilla Ventrue run of VTMB. Mostly, the only thing Ventrue these days know how to do is Dominate, run screaming, eat hot chip, and lie, and [high falsetto voice] here’s a list of other nonsense I discovered:

PC’s name is Christina; she’s a Dominatrix because I’m bi. Her sire was one of her clients, and she’s actually very, very angry about his death. She doesn’t mind being a vampire. She’s Wiccan and part of a coven

In this Camarilla run, I decided I would only do quests given by Camarilla members. My justification was that, while Christina is intelligent and curious about lore, she focuses on tasks that immediately relate to her and her goals. She’s not curious about others; won’t go out of her way to talk to them. She’s not a bleeding heart, like my other PCs, and she believes in the Camarilla’s laws. She just hates LaCroix for killing her sire. Her plan during the game is to curry as much favor within the Cam as possible and cozy up to LaCroix so she can stab him.

Enough backstory

Nonsense time

Smiling Jack laughs at you if you don’t eat a rat in the tutorial. LOL. The Ventrue dialog is like “I could barely choke down the homeless man: please don’t make me eat a rat!”

The blood in the Santa Monica haven’s fridge is now blue blood. Does regular blood make Ventrue sick? I was too scared to experiment.

[spots Mercurio] I am going to steal that ghoul

Rosa: The people you’re looking for are up there. Christina, assuming Rosa is a Cam agent: Okay, thanks, bye

Never spoke to the Thin-Bloods again (sorry Lily baby ;-;)

Everyone except Julius still leaves when the PC reaches Hollywood

If you try to feed on Julius, he WILL kick you in the head and you WILL glitch into the fire, be on fire; run away screaming in Prada

You can skip the whole basement of the Ocean House Hotel if you manage to jump over the hole in the staircase???? Like?? You mean the spookiest fucking level has been optional this whole time I”M

[ghost appears] [Christina smacks it with an axe] None of that.

Club girls speak to Christina and I’m on the FLOOR

Therese “kills” Jeanette, even though I had enough oompa to make that not happen.

Therese joins the Camarilla and says she’s in good position to be the next Prince??? Hello??? Where is our Prince Voerman ending????

Went straight to LaCroix, called him “sir,” and he name-dropped Napoleon.

LaCroix tells Christina to go visit the Anarchs. She blows the Anarchs off (Nines made a growly face, Damsel dialog yowl-exited out after I asked if she wanted to join the Cam; Skelter threatened to murder me twice). When LaCroix told Christina that, while he admired her Cam loyalty, she must listen to her enemies to understand what they wanted, it felt like he was actually being a good sire and mentor.

That’s weird.

When Christina asked for his history, he very carefully explained his lineage, like the important part of Ventrue culture it is.

Overall, I found LaCroix-being-nice-to-me extremely unsettling.

Sir. Stop smiling at me, sir. Stop being impressed I don’t ask for money. STOP MAKING ME UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIKE YOU, SIR.

In contrast, LaCroix sounded genuinely betrayed at the end

Also made it more obvious when he started to lose track of his marbles

Ventrue PC seems juuuuuuust tall enough for her forehead to glitch into the ceiling of literally any confined space

The dirty Elizabeth Dane policeman didn’t psspspspsp at Christina so the whole ship was 15 white-knuckled minutes of making police dance and scuttling about

There is!!! A lot less!!! Talking in this game!!! Than I remember!!! She is only good at talking and ordering people around i am bEGGING

All EXP goes to Dominate and making Christina extremely charismatic and buff.

Ventrue himbo????

Beckett un-himbo-ifies her

She insults Beckett on their first meeting, spitting out “What do you want, wolfie?!” I thought this was appropriate because she died like, 4 times on that warehouse mission and was Extremely Stressed And Under Duress

Beckett’s response of “Oh, you’re too young to have mouthed off to the truly old ones yet.” makes his later snide remark of “the young ones are so temperamental” 900% funnier. Yeah, LaCroix! Beckett thinks I’ve grown and am now more mature than you! XD

Missions involving sex workers hit different when you’re a sex worker.

Christina was incandescent with rage at the Brotherhood

Grout’s mansion mission was a lot of “I have no interest in this nonsense.”

For the first time ever, I didn’t kill anyone during the Museum quest! This is because Christina ran very fast and Dominated every guard as quickly as possible. Every single fucking guard knew she was there, but could do nothing about it, because they were dancing. The door to the sarcophagus locked (it will do this if too many guards are agro), but locked doors are no match for noclip hack.

Entertaining image of a tall woman absolutely blasting into this museum room and Beckett tackling her to the floor like wait! I must snark at you! You are legally obligated to speak with me!

Isaac is still somehow a pretty chill guy to work with if you’re Camarilla.

Christina didn’t visit VV or Ash. Interestingly, Ash didn’t show up at the hunter monastery later. Did he just die in his club? Is he still there, waiting, deciding?

Christina @ Andrei: what the fuck is this shit

“I don’t care. It’s ugly. Clean it up.”

SEWERS.

Not as bad as I was expecting

Did take shortcut, run away from fights, ducked out in the middle for a snack, and bring 7 blue blood packs tho

Gary threatened to shred her face with a cheese grater, which I thought was Toreador only dialog?? It must be connected to the Appearance Stat. Which Christina has maxed out.

When Heather became Christina’s ghoul, I was delighted because I thought this meant Christina would always have fresh blood.

If you ask to feed on her too soon after the last time, Heather says she feels light headed and wants to lie down. The dialog exits out

I love you, Heather bb

Perfected the art of nudging NPCs into corners

Mitnick’s quests now feature Enforced Nap Time for all guards

Seriously, Dominate is ridiculously powerful, hooooly shit. I get why people like it. I also like it when people do things I ask them to do.

Christina can’t sneak, but she CAN strongly encourage everyone to choke on their own tongues.

Very high contrast in the beginning of the game: 2 punches would knock her over, but anyone she spoke to would obey immediately and without question

Chinatown goes by ridiculously fast if you can’t sneak and don’t do any sidequests besides Mitnick’s.

For the first time ever, Zhao survived! This is because Christina made him take a nap.

He just told her to leave

You’re welcome, my good dude

IDK if it’s a game glitch, but Christina would vocalize? In battle, she grunts with effort and pain.

Got to the point where I kept expecting Dominate dialog in every interaction and would get disappointed if it didn’t show up. What do you mean I have to actually convince people? That’s lame.

Christina was polite and charming to Ming Xiao, who also conveyed a deeper betrayal than normal at the end. ;-;

I promise to give you a Ventrue boy toy soon, Xiao

Finale arc quests went by VERY FAST because Christina can’t sneak for shit. Just run in, Dominate blazing

You can skip the outside bit of the Hallowbrook Hotel if you find the open door on the top level what the fuuuuuuuuuCK

[“A Little Party Never Killed Nobody” plays while Christina wipes out the Sabbat in 10 minutes]

Andrei disappeared mid-fight and didn’t come back until I complained that only I was allowed to run away from boss fights

I’m categorizing “triggering the interaction to save Heather” as something quite difficult to do. The timing has to be just right. I’ve missed it twice now. BUT hacking into the game to save her is easy.

I love you, Heather bb

Final Beckett talk had the vibe of “You’re a very different person than me, but you’re also High Humanity and trying to do good. You don’t deserve to die.”

Damsel threatens to kick the shit out of Christina and is extremely reluctant to tell her where Nines is

“Out of all people, they send you? All right, let’s just talk terms.” - Nines because Christina was short with him one (1) time

WEREWOLF HARD

You can just?? Walk out of your haven?? Without speaking to Jack at all???

I didn’t do that

But I could have

[”Dust in the Wind” plays while Christina kills entire Camarilla hit squad in 3 minutes]

You can visit Mercurio and Trip on your way out of Santa Monica??

Mercurio makes no comment on the blood hunt. Business as usual with him. This is fine.

Christina: I’m SO going to adopt that ghoul. And perhaps Isaac can be convinced to part with Romero...

(For the first time ever, my PC boinked Romero. Twice, to receive the break up email)

This is definitely a glitch, but Christina brushed up against Caine, and a worried voice said, “Are you all right?” It sounded like the same voice actor, but a higher pitch?

Always nice to think about Caine demonstrating care

Christina asked Caine who he is, and Caine replied that he “gets people where they’re going. [He’s] a driver,” which is a nice nod (lol) to both his literal job as a driver and as a shepherd/creator/god to Kindred. Caine creates and makes fate.

Caine triple checks with Christina that she’s sure Strauss won’t betray her. Thanks, Vampire Dad. :’D

For some reason, only other Ventrue guarded LaCroix’s tower. I wonder if this is intentional. Like all the other Camarilla Clans backed Strauss and left? So only LaCroix’s Ventrue lackeys remain? Anyway, it created some weird moments where Christina fought her double.

KILL YOUR DOUBLE

Sheriff laughed in haughty joy that he was to kill Christina. I don’t remember him laughing in other playthroughs.

Christina ruining Caine and Jack’s prank oh noes

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horansqueen · 3 years

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New Angel - Chapter 8

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1 ☆ chapter 2 ☆ chapter 3 ☆ chapter 4 ☆ chapter 5 ☆ chapter 6 ☆ chapter 7

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.7k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

"Your friends are nice."

I turned my head to look at Summer, laying next to me and my lips curled slightly on the left. Despite what happened between Millie and Louis, we still had a lot of fun together. It was something that always impressed me when it came to Millie and I had just realized it at that moment. I thought she was someone who didn't care much about anything but the truth was, she was just extremely good at hiding it. It was in the tone of her voice, in the fraction of a second when she hesitated, in the quick glances she'd send and in the way she played with the mood ring on her middle finger. I had never noticed that before, and I wondered if it was because I never cared to look or just because it never happened. Millie and Louis used to be happy together, even if they were not officially a couple, but in the span of a few weeks, everything had changed and somehow, it reminded me of my own relationship with Grace.

I thought it would last forever and reality had hit me so hard. I could see all the reactions and feelings I had been through in the weeks after Grace left through Millie's eyes, even if she was clearly better than me at hiding it. I knew I was probably the only one who noticed it but it didn't matter. I knew, and even if I wanted to take that pain away from her, I knew it was impossible, or at least, I had no idea how.

"Yea, they're great." I admitted with a fond smile. "I don't know what I'd do without them."

I turned on my side to face Summer who had her arms crossed on her chest, her naked breasts hidden by the sheets of my bed. I held my head with my hand, my upper arm against the mattress and sighed low. It was amazing to have someone to have sex with, and also someone who would just lay in bed with me for a while. We never really talked about anything deep or serious, but Summer was funny and sweet and it's definitely what I needed. I had been in the same relationship for a while and now I just wanted to have fun. I knew I wouldn't be able to get into a new romantic relationship before I'd stop thinking about Grace multiple times a day, or before I compared everything to her, or wondered what she would have said or how things would be if I was with her instead. I also knew it would take time, because that's what everyone says, right? Healing takes time.

"And what would you do without me?" she asked, her lips curling right before mine did too.

"Use my hand. And it would be a shame!" I joked, making her chuckle.

"A shame uh?"

"Oh yea," I insisted, shaking my head slightly and bringing my hand to the sheets, pulling on them a bit, trying to expose her. "Because that body is incredible darling."

She brought her shoulders up and closer to her face holding the sheets up. I gave up and chuckled again but when I realized how uncomfortable she was, I lost my smile.

"Sorry, I didn't want to upset you."

"No no, it's alright." she pointed out in a soft tone, sending me a fake smile. "So, Niall, tell me about your ex girlfriend."

My eyebrows raised up and I moved my head back slightly as my eyes left hers. I was surprised by her question, it was really something I didn't expect and I was not sure talking about my ex girlfriend with my current fuck buddy was a good idea.

"Uhm, there's not much to say." I admitted, bringing my hand up to scratch the back of my head. "I mean, I guess everything started very quickly between us. Sparkles and all that. And when it stopped, I didn't expect it at all."

"How is she like?"

"Pretty. Smart. She knows what she wants and what she's worth. Cheeky." I enumerated, making me realize that perhaps, Millie was right about my 'type' of girl. "She.. liked to be the center of attention. She's the kind of girl who needs all the eyes on her when she enters a room. And she gets what she wants."

"Okay, so, she's pretty much my opposite."

I thought she'd laugh but I finally looked down at Summer and I could see worries in her eyes. I knew that talking about Grace was a bad idea, and I didn't want Summer to compare herself to hers, even if secretly, I did it, too.

"Why do you say it like it's a bad thing?" I asked gently, making her raise her eyebrows. "It's not a competition, you know. She's not here. You are."

Her eyes ran on my face quickly and she finally sent me a small smile and nodded.

"Do you think you're ready to meet my friends now?"

I smiled more, happy that she decided to talk about something else, and slowly nodded. "Yea, why not?"

Her face illuminated and she licked her lips. "Great! So, tomorrow, 6pm, my place?"

"Alright." I bent down and kissed her lips gently. "What are we gonna tell them? I mean, did you tell them we were just friends or... did we also tell them we have sex?"

"No, I just... I said we were friends."

I was surprised her friends didn't ask more questions. After all, we had met in a bar, she had sent one of them my phone number and my address and we had ended up at my apartment. This isn't really how you make new friends. Still, Summer had mentioned she was not the kind of girl who had sex on the first night and her friends probably knew that.

Anyway, I didn't want to rush things and it was better this way. If Summer didn't want to tell her friend she was in a friends with benefits relationship with me, it was her business. Besides, we had made it clear we were not exclusive, which meant there was definitely no strings attached, at least for now.

"Okay, that works for me."

-----

When I got at Summer's apartment and walked in, I heard laughs coming from afar. We walked towards them and I couldn't help but let my eyes travel on Summer. Her hair was down, for once, slightly wavy and falling on her back. She was wearing a simple tank top and a pair of blue jeans but it made me want to get on top of her immediately.

"Okay so everyone, this is Niall." Summer said shyly, standing next to me. "Niall, this is Meredith, Kate, Lena and Andrew."

They all got up and walked closer to kiss my cheeks and we finally sat at the table together. Dinner went by really fast and we laughed all together. Meredith and Lena were funny and talkative, and reminded me a lot of Summer. I didn't know how to react to Kate's way with me, though. She was looking at me in a weird way and I could swear that at some point, I felt one of her foot slide on my leg under the table. I quickly brought my leg away but it's the small smile she sent me right after that made me feel bad. I knew Summer had mentioned we were just friends, but to have one of her friends flirt with me that way seemed uncalled for and I was not sure how to react. Andrew seemed to study me a lot and for some reason, I felt like he was trying to be funnier and more interesting than I was and I felt completely stupid when, after a few hours, I noticed how he was looking at Summer.

I thought about what had happened between Louis and Millie the day before and realized that tonight was just as awkward, if not more. We finally sat together in the living room with a glass of wine and I realized most of them were getting tipsy, which probably was not the best idea.

"Okay so Niall, d'you work?"

"Uhm, yea. I'm a cook, actually. Part time." I nodded, shrugging a shoulder. "And I give guitar lessons."

"Oh really? I was just thinking I wanted to learn an instrument."

My eyes found Kate's and I raised my eyebrows, not answering her smile. I knew she was important for Summer and that she thought we were only friends, but I didn't like the way she was talking to me and I was certainly not going to flirt back with her.

"I already have enough students for now, sorry."

I glanced at Summer who sighed low as a smile spread on her face and I knew my answer was the right one. I was not going to be impolite but at the same time, there was no way I would encourage her.

"Kate, you're annoying." Lena pointed out, rolling her eyes at her. "Can't you see he's not into you? Why do you always do that?"

"Mind your business, Len." she replied, her eyes never leaving me.

"Okay, enough, we're leaving. It's late." Meredith added, getting up quickly.

It took a few minutes or so of argumentation but Kate finally agreed to leave with the rest of them. They said their goodbyes and I tried not to react when her hand slid down my back slowly. I let out a sigh of relief when the door closed behind them and felt Summer's hand on my arm before turning my head her way.

"I'm so sorry about Kate." she apologized in a soft and guilty tone. "She really loves attention. Especially from men."

My eyes roamed on her face and I once again thought about Grace. I didn't mention it, obviously, but I knew Summer was thinking about the description I gave her of my ex girlfriend too and finally, I just licked my lips and shook my head.

"Not your fault, don't apologize."

She took a step closer and tilted her head before pressing her lips together. Her eyes dropped to my chest and she brought her hands against it, sliding them down a bit before gripping my shirt.

"Do you want to see my room again?"

I held my breath as I stared at her and my lips parted slightly. I wanted her, I really did, and it took everything out of me to let out the words I wanted to say.

"It's late, I should leave, too." I admitted in a whisper, making her pout. "Rain check?"

"You could stay the night, maybe?" she proposed, getting on her tiptoe.

I swallowed hard now that her lips were close to mine and blinked a few times. "You're being unfair right now, you know the puppy eyes are very hard to resist."

"That's the whole point."

I kept looking at her but my thoughts were back at home. Maybe Louis and Millie were together at the moment, or maybe Millie was sad and alone. Maybe Louis was gone or maybe he told her it was over between them. I couldn't help the thoughts running in my head and I didn't want to leave Millie to deal with it by herself, and if Louis hadn't talked to her yet, I wanted to knock at his door and remind him that he should do it as soon as possible. I couldn't stay and if I wanted to be honest with myself, I didn't want to stay either. I wanted to be there for my friends they way they had been there for me.

"I can't babe, I'm sorry." I repeated in a soft tone, grabbing her hands in mine and squeezing her fingers. "I'll text you tomorrow though, alright?"

When I walked back in my apartment, I heard yells coming from behind a door and sighed low, glad that I decided to come back. I knew it was none of my business but at the same time, I couldn't just pretend it didn't affect me. So many things were left unsaid between these two but even if I was happy they were finally sharing their thoughts, I would have hoped it would have been calmly with a drink or something like that. It was stupid of me to have expected something like that, though, knowing that both my friends had explosive and strong personalities.

I let my keys fall on the coffee table and walked slowly to the hall, leaning against the wall right in front of Louis' door.

"Really Louis? Really? You're serious?" Millie seemed angrier than I had ever heard her and I leaned my head against the wall.

"What now?" Louis yelled back. "What the fuck did you fucking expect Millie? That this stupid thing was gonna last forever?"

"Stupid? No you are stupid Louis Tomlinson!" she screamed again, her voice cracking slightly. I was sure Louis didn't notice, but I did. "What we have matters! It's important ok!"

"What we had, Millie! It's over!"

"Why? Because you found some new bitch that you wanna shag? Shag her as long as you want and then come back! What we have is stronger than just a fucking lust story!"

"Oh Mill..." I whispered very low, closing my eyes and shaking my head lightly.

"She's not just some girl okay! I... I have feelings for her!"

Silence. I waited a few more seconds and opened my eyes again, moving my head back to look at the door. I almost expected Millie to storm out but she didn't and I waited for what seemed like half an hour. All I could hear was the thumping of my heart in my chest.

"I thought you loved me." Millie let out softly. "You said you loved me..."

"I do Millie, I love you. You're my best friend. But I'm not in love with you." Louis explained, making me let out a low curse word. That must have hurt Millie so bad I had to swallow hard as it reminded me of my own pain. "Please, Millie."

"Don't touch me!"

"Come on, Millie, I don't want to lose you." Louis confessed, making my grimace and groan low. It was such a hurtful thing to say to someone you just broke the heart to, and I wanted to open the door and force Millie out so she wouldn't have to hear any more of his painful words.

"You should have thought about that before."

I held my breath and got back on my feet, my back straight, when the door opened. Millie came face to face with me, her eyes red but her head high and I was fucking impressed by her strength. We stared at each other for a while until Louis appeared behind her, holding the door, his eyes moving from me to Millie and then back to me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me with a frown.

"I live here."

"Right here? In the hall?" Louis let out sarcastically.

I decided it was useless to answer and just looked back at him. I knew he was somehow right and that I probably shouldn't have listened to their fight but it's not like I wouldn't have been able to hear it from my room anyway.

"Okay, I'm going to bed." Millie let out rudely, throwing one of her hands up and shaking her head. Her voice became softer when her eyes met mine, though. "Good night, Niall."

"Good night, Mill." I replied gently, searching for her fingers and squeezing them.

She didn't look at me but walked past me and my eyes found Louis again. We glared at each other until we heard Millie's door close roughly and Louis finally sighed loud.

"I told her." he pointed out in an angry tone as if I didn't already know. "Happy now?"

I knew he was mad at me and I didn't really care. I still thought it was the right thing to do and I would never think otherwise.

"Very."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan love story #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan au #my fanfics #newangel

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raeynbowboi · 4 years

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Bob’s Burgers 10th Anniversary Retrospective

After ten years, Bob, Linda, and the Kids are just as delightfully wacky and endearing as they ever were, and show no signs of slowing down. So I wanted to put together an ultra mega review of the series. I’ll give an opinion on main and recurring characters, as with a cast this big, there’s been a lot of endearing characters to grace the show over the years. However, I will only be counting characters that have appeared more than once. After ten years, there’s been some real gems, and some real misfires. So, I’ll be counting down my top 10 best episodes, and the bottom 10 worst episodes. I’ll also go through as a Highlight Reel, by picking a best and worst episode of each season, as well as crowning the Best Season with the most good episodes.

Bob Belcher

Honestly, Bob was a very easy character to mess up. He’s the straight man to his wacky family’s antics. But the show does a really great job making Bob simple and lowkey without making him boring or a stick in the mud. He may be resistant to weird things, but he puts up with it anyway to make his family happy. While he’s the serious straight man, they don’t fail to give Bob his own eccentricities and quirks that make him relatable and funny in his own way. Whether he’s making things talk, getting weirdly excited about Thanksgiving, or his awkward way of speaking, Bob is genuinely a good and relatable character. It’s also nice to see that Bob is a great husband and a loving father. He and Linda argue from time to time, but they’re not trapped in a loveless marriage for the kid’s sake like most shows. And even shows where that’s not a selling point like American Dad, Bob shows more remorse for things like forgetting their anniversary than Stan does for Francine. Bob is supportive, loving, and forgiving. Which is just amazing to watch. The times when his kids really need him, he’s there for them, and he helps them through their problems. While Bob might fight with and get mad with or annoyed by his family, Bob never treats them like people he’s stuck with. Frankly, Bob blows most animated TV dads out of the water. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Stan or Francine give quiet supportive talks to Steve or Hayley ever in American Dad. Peter used to at least try to be a decent father, but now is a negligent toddler. Likewise, Homer used to be a great father who cared about his kids, but later seasons have really stepped away from the family angle the Simpsons used to have. In a sea of adult animated families that are toxic and destructive, Bob’s genuine love for his family came as a breath of fresh air.

Linda Belcher

Linda is by far the best Adult Animation TV mom there is. For one thing, she’s funnier than Francine, Lois, and Marge combined. But more importantly, she’s not the butt of the joke when it happens. I can only really remember laughing at Francine when they make dumb blonde jokes with her, but Linda’s jokes come from her character. She could have easily been the gender inverted Homer or Peter, but the writers are careful to make her gullible, trusting, and goofy without making her a moron. When the kids do something wrong, Linda busts out the tough mom act and you genuinely believe that the kids are in trouble. She’s not faking it. She’s not off in her own little world. She’s a bit of a goofy dreamer, but she’s able to be the tough disciplinarian when she needs to be. Her relationship with Bob is also better than most adult animation wives. She’s more independent than the other housewives, and even though her job is working with her husband, it never feels like it robs Linda of her own power, autonomy, and freedom. But the best thing about Linda is that I think most people can agree, she has an extremely strong and charming personality that endears us to her.

Tina Belcher

I really wish I could say I liked Tina more. She’s a creative romantic, just like me. I should love her. But her monotone deliveries and awkwardness isn’t as endearing as Bob’s. I like her better in episodes like Teen-A Witch and Broadcast Wagstaff School News where she has a bit stronger of a personality. But unfortunately, Tina is my least favorite member of the Belcher family, which isn’t to say that I hate her, she just doesn’t shine as bright as the rest of her family. She’s just not very funny or interesting on her own. But on the plus side, at least I don’t find Tina to be annoying or terrible except in the rare bad episode.

Gene Belcher

Gene is the only member of the family that can regularly get my dad to laugh, and with good reason. If he wasn’t such a well of nonsequitor punchlines, Gene would probably be the worst member of the family, but boy howdy do those random jokes pick up the slack. Gene is genuinely hilarious, even if I’d only rank him above Tina in terms of favoritism. However, I find that most Gene-centric episodes to be lackluster or below average. I think Gene’s best episode is probably Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien, but of the best episodes, none really come to mind that specifically star Gene. Gene is really better suited for a supporting role, and his times as the star showcase why comic reliefs aren’t the main character. They’re support characters for a reason. That’s not to say Gene-centric episodes are terrible. They just tend to range from about average to bad. Though Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien is a pretty good one.

Louise Belcher

Bob and Linda saved the best for last because Louise is the breakout star of the show. Funny, interesting, and the focus of many of the better episodes, Louise stands proudly on the first place podium with Linda in 2nd and Bob taking 3rd place. I think Louise’s strengths are especially due to her standoffish and naughty personality, which has lent itself to a lot of good character growth episodes. Season 10 Louise seems a lot more mature than Season 1 Louise. I think Louise works because while she does often have clever or sneaky solutions to problems, they don’t forget that she’s 9, so unlike Stewie, her age does present hurdles and barriers to her schemes and plans.

The Best and Worst of Bob’s Burgers

#10 WORST: Pro-Tiki/Con-Tiki (S6e15)

Why couldn’t Warren Fitzgerald just put that $100,000 into advertisements or to help Bob buy better equipment for his restaurant? My biggest issue with this episode isn’t the episode itself, it’s that the ending makes no sense. Warren wants to help Bob because he has a form of riches Warren lacks, and Bob doesn’t want a corporate sponsor to make changes to his brand. But why can’t Warren just give Bob the money to make choices he wants to make? They could stay as business partners, but Bob doesn’t have to sacrifice his personal vision for the restaurant. It’s just really frustrating when they’re both being too stupid and stubborn to see the obvious solution in front of their faces.

#10 BEST: Teen-a Witch (S7e03)

One of Tina’s best episodes, as someone who had a goth phase myself and dabbled a tiny amount in ‘witchcraft’, this episode brings back memories of high school and the desire to make the world what I wanted it to be. But on top of that, Tina with a backbone is when she really shines as a character, mostly because it means her humor isn’t being derived from her being awkward.

#9 WORST: Live and Let Fly (S9e05)

Mr. Frond embarrasses the kids, and they team up with Up-Skirt Kurt to get revenge against his sister and Mr. Frond. I’m not a fan of Kurt, so I already don’t care much about his feud with his sister, but I also just find the episode kind of boring. I don’t care about Kurt, I don’t care about his feud, and the kids call off their revenge, so that ends up not mattering either. Even Bob and Linda’s side plot is only middle-of-the-road quality for Bob’s Burgers.

#9 BEST: Wharf Horse/World Wharf II (S4e21-22)

The very first two-part episode Bob’s Burgers ever had, the season 4 finale is a great watching experience. It has some fun songs, funny character exchanges, suspenseful drama, and some heartfelt moments. It feels like a short movie, and that’s a good thing for a two-part episode to do. Even Fanny and Felix are interesting villains. But even after everything Felix did, I don’t find myself loathing him in later episodes, and that’s a hard thing to accomplish.

#8 WORST: Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks (S3e07)

This is the only bad Tina episode where the problem isn’t Tina herself. My biggest issue with this episode is more just the subject matter. Bob lies for insurance reasons about who was driving his car, and the entire episode is just Bob and Tina digging a deeper and deeper hole for themselves. The solution to the issue is clever enough to redeem the episode somewhat, but the majority of the watching experience is just kind of an awkward dance of watching these two getting tangled up in a web of lies.

#8 BEST: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three (S9e02)

Bar none, this is the single best ‘Heist’ episode of Bob’s Burgers, and it’s kind of crazy that Bob’s Burgers has actually built a repertoire to where I can make a list of ‘heist’ episodes as an archetype. This one feels the most like an actual heist movie, and the ending is legitimately clever and unexpected. But even more than that, if you’re paying attention, you can see the twist before the characters even reveal it. That is the kind of tight writing that makes the list for best episodes.

#7 WORST: A Fish Called Tina (S10e12)

Tina spends an episode trying way too hard to make someone like her, to the point that she almost humiliates a 4th grader in public just so she can live out some fantasy. It’s really uncomfortable and sickening to watch Tina do this. This will be a recurring issue with Tina’s low-point episodes. There’s nothing fun about watching a character make a complete idiot out of themselves by coming on too strong. It even makes me groan when Kaylie shows up in another Season 10 episode because I don’t want to have to think about this awful episode.

#7 BEST: Stand By Gene (S6e12)

Something about this episode really just brings back memories of my childhood. Memories of walking through the outdoors, just exploring and wanting to find things. The characters are funny, and Bob and Linda’s relationship is put to the test. Plus, I loved that for the entire episode, you don’t know how it’ll end. It really makes this a personal favorite and one of the episodes I knew had to make it on my list.

#6 WORST: The Grand Mama-Pest Hotel (S7e13)

Linda ruins things for Tina by being an overbearing annoyance. Are you noticing a trend with Bob’s Burgers’ worst episodes? I don’t like it when good characters make complete jackasses out of themselves in the name of ‘humor’. It’s not funny. It’s annoying and makes me dislike them. Thankfully, the worst of it is only in the latter half of the 2nd act and the entire third act, but Linda’s behavior just makes me cringe and ask why they had to do Linda dirty like this? It just puts me even more squarely on the side that Tina is entirely in the right and I don’t want to deal with Lind either.

#6 BEST: Broadcast Wagstaff School News (S3e12)

From Tina at her lowest point to Tina at her best, Broadcast Wagstaff School News is my favorite episode of the first 5 seasons. Tina’s funny and engaging, Gene is absolutely shining as Little Bob, and while Louise and Linda play supporting roles in this episode, they’re still funny as well. Plus, the mystery is a good one, and this episode is even referenced in later seasons.

#5 WORST: Mazel-Tina (S4e13)

Tina ruins Tammy’s birthday and steals her party. This is Tina at rock bottom. Tina is so despicable, cruel, and selfish in this episode that it reminds me that behind that creative awkward girl is a selfish brat who doesn’t care if she hurts other people if she can live out her fantasies. If other episodes didn’t rescue Tina from being so unlikable, I probably would hate Tina as a character entirely for her behavior in this episode.

#5 BEST: The Silence of the Louise (S8e02)

Movie parodies are some of the best, and The Silence of the Louise is the queen of all the movie parodies. When Mr. Frond’s therapy dolls are mutilated, and the school staff calls off the waterpark trip until the culprit is caught, Louise teams up with psycho Millie to figure out whodunnit. This is also one of the first time Millie wasn’t strictly an antagonist, and she genuinely felt like someone who could be Louise’s friend someday.

#4 WORST: Boywatch (S8e16)

Tina ruins things for other people by coming on too strong. The only reason this is ranked higher than Mozel-Tina is because in that episode, she just wanted to be at the party, and just kind of ended up as the star of the party and let it go to her head, whereas here, she is actively ruining things for other people in pursuit of her own delusions and fantasies. Tina has no desire to be a junior lifeguard, but cute boys causes her to behave like a troublemaker. She’s entirely out of character, and her teammates’ hate for her behavior is something I agree with. I don’t want to hate the main characters, so why does this show keep pushing to make Tina a nuisance who ruins experiences for other people?

#4 BEST: The Quirkducers (S7e06)

If the Silence of the Louise is the queen of film parodies, then The Quirkducers is the king. Not only is it a clever parody of The Producers, but it also has some damn good musical numbers, especially the edited end credit version. But it’s Tina’s song at the end that stands as one of my favorites of all Bob’s Burgers’ songs.

#3 WORST: Bed & Breakfast (S1e07)

If a Fish Called Tina is bad, then Bed & Breakfast is flaming garbage. Linda turns their apartment into a Bed and Breakfast, and Linda goes berserk when the guests don’t play into her expectations. This episode verges from below average to detestable as Linda goes insane and locks people in their rooms, and Louise drives a grown man to attack workers by preying on his fear.

#3 BEST: The Hauntening (S6e03)

This is hands-down the best Halloween episode that Bob’s Burgers ever made. This show turns out some amazing holiday episodes, and this is one of the best the Belchers have to offer. I won’t dare give away anything about this episode. If you’ve seen it, you know why it’s top of the heap, and if you haven’t, then all I can say is what are you waiting for? Delayed gratification has to pay off eventually.

#2 WORST: Every Which Way But Goose (S9e14)

Tina falls in love with a goose. Who smoked crack before writing this episode, and who huffed enough paint thinner to approve this episode for production? This is the absolute dumbest concept for an episode I have ever come across. Who thought this was a good idea? I can’t even pinpoint the flaws because this entire episode is just so flawed. At least Mazel-Tina and Boywatch enrage me. This just baffles me.

#2 BEST: A Few Gurt Men (S7e11)

When Mr. Ambrose accuses Mr. Frond of stealing his yogurt from the faculty lounge, the case is brought before student court, and Louise is tasked with acting as Defense Council for Mr. Frond. One thing Bob’s Burgers does well is mysteries, and this is a good one as Louise has to figure out a way to prove Frond’s innocence. This is just an absolute personal favorite. Every character is just on point, and I get excited when the episode starts to que up.

#1 WORST: Moody Foodie (S2e07)

Did you ever want to watch the Belchers commit a felony? Then boy howdy do I have an episode for you! A picky food critic responsible for shutting down restaurants comes to Bob’s Burgers. Bob messes up the order, and a visit to the critic’s house to get him to try his burger again leads to a hostage situation with the critic tied to a chair and gagged in his own home. Words cannot describe the depth to which I hate this episode. The entire episode feels dirty and vile. I feel the need to scrub my skin raw after sitting through this episode. The instant I realize that it’s come on, I skip the the next one. I have literally only sat through this episode once. This episode disgusts me. This episode has the main character, abduct somebody in their own home. Then they take a second hostage when a mailman delivers the guy’s package. Luckily, Bob’s Burgers has a lot of good episodes to make up for this one bad egg, but this episode enrages me to the point that if the family wasn’t so charming and endearing most of the time, I might have stopped watching based just on this one episode.

#1 BEST: The Bleakening: Part 1 & 2 (S8e06-07)

The first time I saw these episodes, they played back to back without any credits in between them, and I thought it was one episode, and I didn’t even realize it was the length of two episodes. Between the amazing songs, the brain bending twists, the creative creature, the dark elements that contrast the bright lights of the holidays, and the uplifting ending, this pair of episodes stands paramount as the single greatest viewing experience that Bob’s Burgers has to offer.

Favorite Friend of the Kids: Regular-Sized Rudy

First appearing in Carpe Museum, Rudy came back in The Kids Rob a Train, where he has remained a friend of the kids since. Rudy was the first to join the kids if you don’t count Andy and Ollie who seem to dip in and back out as to whether they’re included in the friend group. Rudy was thus the first to be made a main member of the kids’ friend group.

Favorite Schoolyard Seven: Jocelyn

The Schoolyard Seven is the friend group of the three Belchers, Jimmy Jr., Zeke, Tammy, and Jocelyn. Not counting the Belchers, it was a close call between Zeke and Jocelyn. Tammy and Jimmy Jr. tend to be typecast as serving one niche thing, but Zeke and Jocelyn are often the comedic gold. However, while Zeke is more interesting of the two, I just enjoy Jocelyn too much to not give her the win. Even if Jocelyn’s humor is just a walking dumb blonde trope, like Gene, Jocelyn has a knack for funny one-liners. If the groups has another name, I’m not privy to it.

Favorite Friend of the Family: Micky

Though he’s less connected to the family now, Micky has been a friend to the Belchers since Bob Day Afternoon, and returning in Bob Fires the Kids. Since his introduction, Micky has gotten a job at Wonder Wharf, where he has remained since.

Favorite Recurring Villain: Logan Bush

First appearing in Ears-y Rider, Logan has been a fun and interesting frenemy for Louise to match wits with. In a show where most other villains are the same age as the main characters (Millie, Tammy, Chloe, Jimmy Pesto, Hugo) Logan stands out as a legitimate bully. Yet, even he was willing to work with Louise in Mother-Daughter Laser Razor, showing that there is wiggle room for the two of them to even join forces and spread havoc together.

Favorite Tina Love Interest: Duncan

Earnest if not a little awkward, Duncan seems like a sweet boy for Tina to possibly end up with. Sasha Whiteman is another character I could easily see being a good boyfriend to Tina because his quick wit and social graces make him a great foil to Tina, and he excels where Tina falls short. Zeke has a good chance to be a good boyfriend, but Tina still spits his name when she greets him, so I doubt she’d take interest in him unless something happens to change their dynamic. I liked Josh, but now that he’s said he doesn’t like her anymore and she agreed that she feels the same, I doubt we’re going to see them date further in the future.

Favorite Side Character: Nat Kinkle the Limo Driver

First appearing in Season 8 episode 8 V for Valentine-detta, I must not be the only fan of Nat’s because she made two appearances in the 10th season, in episode 1 The Ring (But Not Scary) and episode 17 Just the Trip. Currently with only 3 appearances, she’s still only a side character, but I get the feeling that like with Rudy, Courtney, Darrel and Alex before her, Nat will keep becoming a more frequent character. She just has a great vibe, and her charisma is intoxicating. She meshes great with the family, making her an absolute delight to watch.

Favorite Bit Character: Marshmallow

Although she’s appeared in multiple episodes since her introduction in Sheesh, Cab Bob, Marshmallow has never gotten much more than a couple lines, with her biggest role being in The Bleakening where she had more to say. She was also the first major LGBT+ recurring character on the show, which also made her a joy to see, whenever she returned to Bob’s Burgers.

Favorite Headcanon: Gene is Genderfluid

Gene’s jokes have been centered on his gender or sexuality since the first season finale. A joke once in a while is one thing, but ten years of the same sorts of jokes tells the sharp viewer that there’s more to it than just a running gag. With how many jokes have Gene talk about having boobs, synching his cycle, or calling himself Tina and Louise’s sister or Bob and Linda’s daughter, it’s my opinion that Gene is genderfluid, or possibly even transgender. The only reason I say genderfluid over a transgirl is because he still also addresses himself as a boy or a man as much as he does girl jokes.

Best Song: Twinkly Lights (Ms. XXX-Mas)

Not only does Toddrick Hall absolutely kill this performance, but I also love the meaning of the song about POC inclusivity and pride in the LGBT+ community. As the final song in The Bleakening, it’s one hell of a closing number, and I can’t help but dance in my seat whenever it plays. I’ve even listened to it independent from watching the show, and honor I don’t bestow on every song.

Best Episode Archetypes:

The Best Heist: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three

The Belcher kids have stolen a number of things. Chocolate, a bounce house, but the absolute creme de la creme of their heists is the procuring of the Dunebuggy from Family Funtime. When Family Funtime unplugs the macchines whenver the kids get too many tickets from them, the kids decide to pull off the heist of a century to make off with the biggest prize of the arcade: the dune buggy.

The Kids Tell An Anthology: Moms, Lies, and Videotapes

From the Gayle Tales to The Handyman Can, the kids have told a number of anthology stories, but the most impressive of the bunch is their stories of the mother’s day plays into three interesting stories. Though true to form, Gene’s is the weakest of the three, as his usually are. I don’t recall any time when his anthology was the best of the kids’, but then, Gene is not the most creative of the three children. His best story is probably in The Frond Files where his story’s world is colorful and fun to observe.

Best Musical Episode: The Bleakening

Not only do these episodes have a lot of musical numbers, but there is not a single one that doesn’t hit a home run. But more importantly, the entire episode is a musical, with each number helping to tie and bridge together the narrative, which is the entire purpose of musical numbers in a proper musical, which makes this the single best musical episode mainly because it’s the only episode that’s a true blue musical.

Best Holiday Episode: The Hauntening

With The Bleakening already taking the top spot for musical episodes, that leaves the Miss Congeniality of the holiday episodes to take the crown. I didn’t spoil anything about this episode above, and I won’t say a thing about it now. This episode is solid gold.

Best Film Parody: The Quirkducers

Not only is this episode clever in the way it uses its source material, but the family all have moments to shine despite the stars being Louise and Gene. The show also makes good use of the Schoolhouse Seven (the main group of the Belcher Kids, Jimmy and Zeke, and Tammy and Jocelyn), and each of them brings something great to the episode. It undoubtedly earned its place in the top 10, and will likely hold its place for years to come.

#bobs burgers #Bob's Burgers #belchers #the belchers #bob belcher #Linda Belcher #gene belcher #tina belcher #louise belcher #seymores bay

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atinydise · 4 years

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Ateez reacting to their s/o being scared of open water (2/2)

❦ Genre: Fluff.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: 2k7.

❦ Requested: Yes, thank you! 🦋

❦ Masterlist.

SAN

“It’s just few hours Y/N, few hours…” you whispered to yourself. “Are you ready babe?” asked San, wrapping his arm around your waist. “More than ready, yay…” you said, faking to be excited. “It’s going to be so funny!” he shouted. The group invited you to spend the day on a boat, for their day off. It was a nice intention, so you accepted, of course. And your boyfriend would be there so everything would be perfect. “Oh,” started San. “You are shaking of excitation huh?” he smiled. You nodded and tried to relax your entire body, “you can’t even imagine.” You could feel that San was happy to see you there with him. He didn’t have so much time these days and he was so sorry about that. “Let’s go, we’re going to leave soon.” He said, leading you to his team. You couldn’t make one step without being terrified by the thought of falling in the water. You tried to stay at the middle of the boat as possible, between all of them.

“Let’s goooo!” Shouted San, stomping. “W-Where are we going already?” you stuttered. “We are just turning around but Mingi proposed to go a bit far so we can swim peacefully.” Said Hongjoong. “Swim? In the water?” “You can only swim in water Y/N,” said Jongho, looking at you like if you were dumb. “No- I mean- It’s kind of dangerous no? There’s no one to help us if-“ “We are 9, I think we will be okay,” reassured Seonghwa. You stayed quiet after that, they seemed already excited to their little trip. You didn’t want to ruin everything because of your fear. “Do you think we are going to see dolphins?” asked San, holding your hand. “There’s no dolphins around here San…” said Yeosang. “Too bad, it would be a great experience.” He pouted disappointed, “don’t you think so Y/N?” “Yes sure,” you replied, just wanting to end the conversation. “Wow your hands are moist,” noticed San, giggling at you. “Probably the adventure excitation,” you lied. After few minutes, Yunho shouted that they needed to stop there. It was the perfect location to have a good time in the water. They all started to rush, removing their shirt to jump on by on. “You don’t go with us Y/N?” asked San, seeing you still sitting at your place. “Hm don’t think so, I prefer to stay here and enjoy the sun,” you lied. “Really? It’s going to be fun!” he insisted, pointing at Mingi and Yunho already splashing Yeosang. “It would be funnier for me to stay here,” you replied, avoiding his stare. “Well okay…” he said disappointed. You bit your lip, he was mad. San joined his members, but you could feel that he would be mad at you for few minutes. You facepalmed yourself, you should have told him about your fear of open water. After almost 1 hour, they all get back on the boat, drying themselves. “You missed all the fun Y/N!” said Wooyoung. “It was fun to see all of you having fun,” you smiled shyly. You turned around to see your boyfriend, drying his hair behind you. “Do you need some help San-ie?” “No, thank you.” He replied, a bit too cold for your liking. “Are you mad at me?” you asked straight. He faced you, “yes a bit. I thought that we would get some fun today, but you stayed on the boat the whole time.” You sighed and played with your hair, frustrated. “It’s just that I’m terrified by swimming or just being on water without nothing what there’s inside.” He raised a brow, “what do you mean? Are you talking about shark or something?” “No… the ocean is so deep… I don’t know… it just scared me a lot. Even if I’m not in the water, I’m getting anxious and more when I saw all of you swimming there.” San’s face became more relaxed and calm, “why you-“ “Because it’s stupid. It’s your day off, I wouldn’t ruin everything because of that. Even if I did a bit.” “No, you didn’t ruin everything, it’s already amazing that you put a foot on the boat.” He grabbed your hand, “I was just stupid, I’m sorry.” You smiled, “it’s okay.” “And finally, good thing they would have to see you in your bath suit,” he whispered to your ear. You rolled your eyes. He’s unbelievable.

MINGI

“Please Y/N!” begged Mingi for the 164th time today. “Mingi, I said no… it’s too dangerous.” “Dangerous? It’s just a jet-ski!” “Yes, but what about you hurt yourself doing that.” You replied, looking for another t-shirt in your luggage. “I won’t! I will be careful! Please please please! Do it with me!” he insisted. You sighed again. Since this morning, he was asking you do to jet-ski since he saw someone doing it yesterday. He never had the occasion to do it. That’s why he was begging you so hard today. Of course, you didn’t decline because it’s dangerous. You know that he would be cautious or Atinys and his members would be sad if he got injured. But when he asked you to do it with him, you freaked out. Since you are child, you are extremely scared of open water. All the horror movies you saw because of your friends didn’t help but knowing that the ocean is really deep or all the creatures below, terrified you. “Okay, you can do it, but I won’t, I’ll record your performance okay?” you said, standing up to face him. “What no, do it with me! It can be so funny!” he said, holding your hands on his chest. “Why? I won’t do anything except holding you.” “Exactly!” he said, smirking. “You are unbelievable,” you sighed. He puts his forehead against yours, “please do it with me.” “Mingi… I need to tell you something.” You said seriously. He stepped back instantly, “are you breaking up with me?” “No idiot.” You sat on the bed. “Do you know what open water is?” He tilted his head, “the movie?” “No… open water, the thalassophobia?” “What the hell is that?” “It’s when you are swimming in a lake or oceans and you suddenly have like a panic attack because you can’t see what there’s below you.” “Oh, I see.” He scratched his head. “But why are you talking about this?” “Because I’m actually scared of this. I can’t just go swimming as you or someone else would.” “Really? I didn’t know it was a big deal.” He said, sitting next to you. “It might be stupid for some people but it’s real and just by the thought of going in the middle of a lake and ignoring what I can find, is giving me anxiety.” “Oh… so that’s why you were against the idea of jet-ski.” He realized. “Yep. But if you want to do it, just go. I’ll watch you, okay?” “It won’t be the same without you,” he said, wrapping his arm on your shoulders to keep your body against his. “It’s just for few minutes! And you will get so much fun, I will film you okay?” you smiled. “Hum… okay.” You raised a brow; he wasn’t too hard to convince him you thought. “Then we should go before there’s too much people.” He said, rushing to the bathroom to wear his bath suit. “This guy is scared of bugs but he’s going in the ocean like if it was a swimming-pool…” you whispered. “Human are strange…” 15 minutes later, you were ready to film your boyfriend the time of his life. “Don’t forget to smile!” you shouted at him. He answered you by doing a thumbs-up and followed the employee a bit more far. When Mingi was about to get on the jet-ski, he yelled and ran around the employee. “What the hell are you doing Mingi?!” you shouted, laughing but scolding him a bit. “Something touched my foot! You scared me with your thalassophobia!” “Stop being a baby and get on this jet-ski!” you replied, louder. “I can’t! What if something drags me under the sea!” You sighed; this boy was not doing better than you.

WOOYOUNG

You held Wooyoung’s hand tighter than usual. You ignored if he noticed it, but you couldn’t care less. Being on this yatch made you feel uncomfortable and terrified. Wooyoung’s friend, Yeonjun, threw a Yatch party for his birthday. You were with Wooyoung when he invited him. You don’t know if he did because he was polite or because he liked you (as a friend of course) but he gave you an invitation card too. While you were anxious and scared by going on a boat for few hours, Wooyoung was incredibly excited. His voice was higher and louder the whole week. He could probably talk with dolphins at this rate. The entire week, you read and tried to inform about how you could get rid of your fear. Except some articles who advised to take a doctor appointment or to jump right into your fear, you didn’t find the best solution for you yet. You finally opted for acting like everything was fine the whole night and stay in the middle of the yatch as possible. Even if Yeonjun asked his guests to be well dressed, you choose your favorite sneakers. You couldn’t stay the whole night with heels. What if you need to run if something bad happens? “Are you sure everything’s okay?” asked Wooyoung, coming next to you. “Yes why?” you replied, acting like you weren’t terrified. “You seem… uncomfortable.” He raised a brow. “No, I’m fine,” you said, smiling awkwardly. “Okay… If you say…” “Are you having fun?” you changed the subject. “YES! His party is amazing! He really did well this year!” he shouted. “It’s good that-“ you started. “Wooyoung! Y/N!” called Yeonjun. “Let’s do a “water jump” contest!” “Wh-“ “WE ARE COMING!” replied Wooyoung. “What? No Wooyoung!” you grabbed his arm. He faced you, not understanding why you were so reticent, it was not a big deal for him. “It’s okay, I’m pretty sure you will win, what you can’t do!” he smirked. “No, I can’t.” You said, anxious. “Then okay, stay here if you want.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ll get some fun somewhere else then.” Said Wooyoung, leaving you there, alone. What does it mean? That you are no fun? You’re doing almost everything Wooyoung does. Both of you are always laughing no matter what. How could he say that? For sure, he hurt your feelings. Annoyed by your boyfriend’s comment, you climbed at the next floor to avoid the loud music and stay a moment alone. You could hear some of the guest jumping in the water and yelling one by one that they won. To be honest, you didn’t care about who the winner would be. Wooyoung’s behavior really hurt you. You did your best already to be there with him, but he acted like a kid when you say no. But… a part of you knew that it wasn’t his fault since he doesn’t know about your open water fear. But still, it’s not a reason to act like that. You sat on the bench and nervously messed up your hair, “what should I do?” “Are you okay?” asked Wooyoung, standing at your right. “Huh- yes.” You said, avoiding his stare, doing like if didn’t existed. He sat next to you, looking at the large horizon. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t treat you the way I did, it wasn’t nice.” You didn’t reply. Not because you were mad, or maybe a bit but mainly because you hesitated to tell him about your fear. “I forget that you are terrified about open water.” He sighed, ashamed by himself. “How do you know that?” you asked, facing him. “One of your friends told me about it. She said that you find this fear stupid and want to keep it for yourself.” He summarized. You didn’t know what to say, it was a sudden plot twist. “It’s okay you know, we are all scared about something,” he smiled at you. “We will work on it, so you can be more comfortable about water or-“ You hugged him tightly. It was rare that you show a sudden affection to him, but he didn’t mind, he liked it and above all, he loved your hugs. “Thank you Wooyoung,” you whispered, face in the crock of his neck. He rubbed your back, “it’s okay. I will always be there for you.” Sometimes he could be a brat but most of the time he was so nice and lovely to you.

JONGHO

You were on an excursion in Jeju Island with your boyfriend and his teammates. Seonghwa proposed the whole group to spend a week to relax and enjoy a good time at a calm and peaceful place. Since you’re Jongho’s girlfriend, he invited you too. And honestly, he didn’t let you enough chance to decline. The first days were nice, you discovered many places and enjoyed the atmosphere here. You visited the most touristic places and ate many delicious meals. Everything was perfect. And of course, being here with your boyfriend was the cherry on top. Sometimes, both of you would escape from the boys and spend a nice and romantic time together. Since your relationship was still recent, you learned many things about each other during these little escapes. But you ignored why you couldn’t manage to tell him that you were terrified by open water. He told you some of his worse secrets or fun facts about him. It wouldn’t be a big deal to say the truth about one of your biggest fear. But you didn’t have the opportunity to escape again till the end of the vacation. The day when you were supposed to go back to Seoul, Yunho and Mingi didn’t want to follow to actual plan. “What about we go back to Seoul with a Ferry and not the plane. It could be really funny!” said Yunho, smiling widely. “Hum… are you sure we can take it? We should have booked it earlier,” said Seonghwa. “I’m pretty sure it’s not full,” claimed Mingi. “I don’t see any bad thing to take the ferry.” Added Hongjoong. “So?” waited Yunho, already jumping by excitation. “The weather is not really good; I don’t think it’s a good idea.” You said. They all looked at the sky. It was a bit cloudy but nothing to worry about. “I think it’s okay Y/N,” said Jongho, next to you. “As Seonghwa said, I don’t think it’s a good idea to go there if we hadn’t booked earlier.” “It’s okay!” Said Yunho, patting your head. They all started to go at the ferry direction, determined to buy tickets. You stopped Jongho discreetly. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” “Why? I know it’s a bit longer but it’s okay,” he smiled. “Can we take the plane please?” you begged him, seriously. “What’s happening babe?” asked Jongho worried. “I-huh-,” He raised a brow, curious to know what’s going on. “You know you can tell me everything,” he said, trying to help you. “Imactuallyterrifiedbyopenwaterandtakingtheferryisgivingmeanxiety!” you said straight without breathing. “Y/N wait, calm down, I didn’t understand at all.” “I can’t take the ferry! I’m so scared of open water!” you repeated slower. “Really? But you are not swimming or-“ “I know but I can’t. I tried few times, well before we met but I’m freaking out just by thinking about it.” Jongho noticed how scared and stressed you seemed. You were really terrified about it he believed. He never saw you this way. Your eyes were teary, and your hands were shaking a lot. “Then if it’s hard for you, let’s follow the first plan okay?” “But the boys?” you asked, looking at them. “I’ll tell her that you feel uncomfortable,” he simply replied, holding your hand. You nodded, relaxed but disappointed. After few long seconds, Jongho didn’t move, he was still staring at his hyungs buying their tickets one by one. “You won’t tell them now?” “I just wait that they all buy their tickets, to be sure that they won’t bother us.” He winked. You scoffed; he was the baby of the group but probably the smarter one.

Part 1

#ateez #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #ateez x you #ateez x reader #ateez x atiny #ateez fluff #ateez reactions #ateez requests #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios

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forestwater87 · 4 years

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Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole.

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that).

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84 calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak.

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y.

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here.

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit.

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call!

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do.

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode.

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic.

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff!

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise.

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it.

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation.

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . .

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere.

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great.

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual.

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one.

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy.

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously.

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season.

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen.

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful.

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale).

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family.

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much.

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised.

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results.

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

youtube

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny.

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been.

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #thank you RT Animation for giving me my life these past 4 years #cc david #cc max #cc gwen #i'm not tagging all the characters #campcamp masterpost #i really hope this doesn't get hidden from the tags but #guys this was a super intense labor of love please check it out #but also reading it is also a super intense labor so i get it if you don't XD

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watching-pictures-move · 3 years

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Viddying the Nasties #37 | Possession (Zulawski, 1981)

This review contains spoilers.

Andrzej Zulawski's Possession is a movie I'd somewhat been dreading revisiting. When I'd seen it all those years back (on YouTube, split into two parts if I recall correctly, as the DVD had been hard to come by in those days), despite being greatly moved by the experience, I'd also found it an extremely exhausting film to sit through. It's a tortured divorce melodrama (among other things) that starts at 11 and only goes up from there. Lots of shouting and screaming, physical abuse, kicking around chairs and tables. The movie is not what I'd call an overtly pleasant experience. Watching it now (on a Blu-ray from Mondo Vision, a substantial upgrade from my original format), while I won't characterize my previous impressions as inaccurate, I was able to better appreciate how the movie modulates this tone, acclimatizing us to its fraught emotional space. The movie starts off in the realm of a normal, bitter breakup, with the husband having returned from a work trip only to learn that his wife is leaving him and struggling to make sense of it, his frustration and anger stemming as much from the fact of her dissolving their relationship as his inability to comprehend her motivations. It isn't really until the half hour mark that it asks us to dive off the deep end with it. The husband hits his wife in the middle of a fight, follows her onto the street as she tries to halfheartedly throw herself onto the path of a truck, which then drops its baggage in an almost comical bit of stuntwork, their squabble ended when the husband becomes surrounded by children playing soccer and joins in. Any one of these by itself is nothing out of the ordinary, but Zulawski assembles them into an off-kilter crescendo, and does away with any sense of normalcy for the rest of the runtime.

That this approach works as well as it does is largely thanks to Isabelle Adjani as Anna, the wife, who spends the aforementioned scene looking like a vampire in cat eye sunglasses and blood streaming down her grimacing mouth. She delivers perhaps the most bracingly physical performance I've seen in a movie, but again this is something I'd maybe underappreciated initially in terms of how finely tuned her choices are. An early scene where she fights with her husband has her manically cutting raw meat and shoving it into a grinder, as if to channel her frustrations into acceptable form of violence for women. When she takes an electric knife to her throat, she begins to spasm about like a farm animal during a botched slaughter, providing a further comment on her domestic situation. The film's most famous scene has her freak out in a subway tunnel, thrashing her limbs about chaotically but almost rhythmically, maybe like the contractions when goes into labour. Her character later describes this as a miscarriage, ejecting the side of her which is neat and orderly and "good". Adjani plays this other half as well, with a much more old fashioned hairdo (braided conservatively like a stereotypical schoolmarm), one which provides a much more tender maternal figure to the couple's son. Adjani is also well cast because of her emotive, saucer-like eyes, which she isn't afraid to point at the camera repeatedly, providing a genuine emotional grounding during both the quieter and more hysterical sections of the movie.

Her husband, Mark, is played by Sam Neill, who had been cast after the filmmakers had seen him in Gillian Armstrong's My Brilliant Career. To understand why Neill works so well, it helps to know that Sam Waterston had previously expressed interest in the role. Waterston, while a good actor, would have come off too fogeyish as the husband. Neill brings the appropriate edge and even sex appeal necessary for the material. And like in Jurassic Park, his best known role, he brings an inquisitive quality that keeps him close enough to our vantage point to give the narrative arc some grounding. The other major human character here is Heinz Bennent as Heinrich, a new age guru who happens to be having an affair with the wife. One on hand, this character represents the counterculture from Zulawski's homeland, which he had left after trouble from the authorities when making his last movie. On the other hand, Zulawski was drawing heavily from the bitter divorce he had just gone through, and directs a sizable fraction of the movie's contempt at this character, leading me to believe that his wife in fact left him for some new age buffoon. In one of the movie's funnier scenes, he has Heinrich confront Mark over Anna's disappearance and then go into a dumbassed trance while spouting new age nonsense and basically calling Mark a Nazi. This is the guy his wife left him for? This jackass? Mark sets him up by sending him to Anna, knowing full well he could be killed, but the potency of Mark's rage (and Zulawski's, by extension), as well as the ludicrousness of the Heinrich character, keep us from sympathizing with the latter too much. Zulawski has Heinrich die with his head in a toilet, a final flush by Mark serving as one last hilariously mean-spirited gesture of contempt.

Zulawski originally conceived the movie as having another major character, Anna's ex-husband, to be played by veteran actor and director Bernard Wicki, but after the first day of shooting with Wicki, he decided to drop the character entirely. (I suppose it depends on the personalities, but I wonder how actors react to being let go early from a project. Is it worse if it's on the first day? How about if you lead the filmmakers to realize they should do away with the character altogether? I only hope Wicki got paid.) It's not hard to see what purpose this character would have served, particularly in the way that Anna "upgrades" her lovers, having traded a much older man for the younger, sexier Mark, and then trying to replace him with an evolving monstrous fuck-squid (more on this later) that she was trying to nurture and reshape into the ideal partner. The only remnants of this character in the finished film is his young wife, who appears in the climax and his goaded by the "new" Mark (the final form of the fuck-squid) to shoot into the corpses of the real Mark and Anna. The character's proposed thematic purpose might have spelled out this moment's significance more clearly, but I'm not always convinced thematic clarity is preferable to how things move and feel, and the end product does not feel incomplete or incoherent, or at least not detrimentally so. The emotions make sense, even if the events onscreen are outside the norm. (My condolences to those of you who've been dumped for a monstrous fuck-squid.)

Having been conceived after his last project was quashed by authorities in Poland, there's undeniably a political element here, enhanced by the noticeable presence of the Berlin Wall, near which much of the film is situated. (At one point the camera looks out the window and sees the police from East Berlin staring back.) The realities of the Cold War figure heavily in the characters' lives, as it's suggested that Helen (the other Adjani) is from behind the Iron Curtain (she speak of readily identifiable evil, which could be interpreted as the visible presence of an authoritarian regime) and that Mark's work is in the field of intelligence, maybe even espionage. But the movie is less interested in pointing out political specifics than in the accompanying sense of repression and division, which plays heavily into the visual style. The movie often divides its frames to separate the characters, but rarely with any sense of symmetry, suggesting a sense of emotional chaos enhanced by the bruising mixture of wide angle lenses and handheld camerawork. When we're with Mark, the movie looks overcast, bluish grey, appropriately repressed at first, although Anna's presence throws his neat, fluorescently-lit apartment into disarray. Anna's love nest, situated in the Turkish district right beside the Wall is dilapidated and unkempt, which may have reflected the squalid realities of a hastily rented apartment in what I assume is a poorer part of town, but after having excised the orderly part of herself, it seems like an accurately messy reflection of her headspace.

Now back to the fuck-squid. It's hard to go into Possession this day and age completely blind, and even back when I first saw it, it came on my radar as the movie where "Isabelle Adjani fucks a squid". I have a lot of respect for Zulawski for delivering the goods on this front and for Adjani for throwing herself into this material, not because I'm some kind of sexual deviant who gets off on this stuff (although if you are, I'm not here to judge, it's a free country, just clear your browsing history after), but because modern arthouse cinema often defaults to a mode of cold, downplayed and too afraid to raise the audience's pulse (because apparently it's undignified to force a reaction out of the audience) and it's nice to see a movie serve what it says on the tin (this is one I'd have loved to see with an unsuspecting audience back in the day). Producer Marie Laure-Reyre notes that Zulawski was very hands on with the conception of the monster, drawing inspiration from gargoyles in Polish architecture, as if to further imbue political context into the proceedings. When seeing the end product, I can only assume Zulawski broke up with his wife at a seafood restaurant (I would hope he didn't react like Mark and throw around all the tables and chairs). Of course, the design of the monster means that the movie leans heavily into body horror, and its inclusion on the Video Nasty list in the UK and its release in the US in a heavily-trimmed 81-minute version emphasizing these elements likely contributed to its psychotronic reputation early on. (I am still interested in seeking out this cut, as I can't imagine the loss of 40 whole minutes wouldn't substantially alter the film's character.) It flirts with other genres as well. Certain scenes have a clear slapstick quality. Some of these involve Heinrich, the ever-reliable target of the film's ridicule, but there is also Margit Cartensen, playing Anna's friend and Mark-hater Marge, falling on her ass like a Three Stooges bit. And there's the climax, parodying action movies with its woozy cocktail of car chase, shootout and explosions, which leads a headlong rush into the film's apocalyptic final moments.

#film #viddying the nasties #movie review #possession #andrzej zulawski

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winzenni · 4 years

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wooden clock (mark lee)

Summary: you’re paired up to help the new student in woodshop class, a nice boy who goes from being a stranger to an enemy to a friend. ft. bully!Jaemin

Genre: angst, fluff, high school!au ?

Pairing: Mark Lee x reader

Word count: 1.97k

“Y/n, despite your size, you’ve been excelling in this class. I know you’ll be a great help to the new student,” said your woodshop teacher. “Just work together on the next project, then we’ll let him work on his own on the next unit.”

“Um… sure, I guess.” you agree. When you first signed up for woodshop, it was just because the electives you really wanted to take were already full. It wasn't something you were particularly interested in, but after the first semester, it turned out you were a natural, detail-oriented in the crafts you made and extremely precise despite your short height. Though you struggled to handle and lift the machinery most of the time, your instructor consistently praised your clean work. You were just here to mind your own business and pass the class, not make friends with the rambunctious wood shop kids who talked about weird shit. But it's not like you could say no to your teacher now.

“Hi, my name is Mark,” he says, putting his right hand out for a handshake, as he pulls out a chair beside you. “Mr. Slater told me to sit next to y-”

“I know. I'm y/n,” you say, greeting him with your eyes and ignoring the hand. Interacting with people was not your thing. Especially in this class. Everyone's personalities and interests just seemed to clash with yours, a quiet and reserved personality who preferred two-dimensional soft paintings rather than three-dimensional physical crafts that required blades and loud machines.

Mark seemed like a nice kid. He had moved here from Canada and he seemed like someone who could make friends easily, with all the (sometimes funny, sometimes not) jokes that he cracked and his contagious laugh. Yet each day, he only sat by you and talked to you.

“What do I do first?” He asks.

“You have to cut the planks with the saw machine. Line up your marking with the red line here,” You demonstrated, placing your piece in the slot. “Then you just pull down the blade to cut it.”

You had to tiptoe a little bit to reach up and grab the handle of the saw machine. You felt Mark watching your every move over your shoulder. With his gaze burning into your back, the machine handle felt heavier than the last time you had used it.

“I-I got it,” Mark says, sensing your struggle. He reached over you to pull down the blade, slicing through the wood plank almost effortlessly. “Like this?”

“Yeah,” you say, a little embarrassed. You were supposed to be helping him, yet his height and strength gave him an advantage in the work that you couldn't have.

It was also kinda cute. Watching him control the blade so effortlessly though he didn't know what he was doing.

Each day, you began to find something admirable and adorable in all of Mark’s actions. The way he didn’t know how to hold an awl, the way he looked so focused when measuring, the way his cheekbones beamed when he smiled to greet you each day.

As the weeks passed, you became closer and more comfortable with him in class. Some of his jokes were getting funnier and funnier to you, and you began to think that he might be someone cool you could hang out with outside of class. However, as his personality blossomed into a more colorful, extroverted persona, he also became more popular in school, making friends in his classes easily and getting along with the oh-so popular Jaemin’s friend group, which made you a little uncomfortable. In middle school, Jaemin had made you do his homework for him each day, knowing that his social presence intimidated you and that you were too shy and quiet to go against him.

Yet every woodshop class, Mark remained by your side, unknowing of your history with Jaemin, reminding you that you could never truly be friends with him.

At the end of one class, you left the classroom trailing closely behind Mark, but unexpectedly saw Jaemin waiting for Mark by the door. You avoided Jaemin’s eyes and tried to leave quickly without saying anything, but of course Mark had to speak up.

“See you tomorrow, y/n,” Mark said, raising a hand to wave goodbye.

“You know her, Mark?” Jaemin said with raised eyebrows. “Y/n, long time no see,” he sneered, his devilish gaze piercing through you.

“Yeah, she’s my woodshop partner.”

“That’s interesting... See you around again maybe, y/n,” Jaemin said, cocking his head with a slight smile, as if the fun memories of bullying you were playing through his mind again.

The interaction with Jaemin had you completely out of it the next day. Whenever you tried to clear your mind, the image of Jaemin mocking you replayed in your head, bringing back bad memories, and seeing Mark in class didn’t help.

You held the awl in your hand, grinding it against the wood to create a hole. While grinding it into the wood, you were so lost in thought that you had embedded it in there.

Mark interrupts your clouded thoughts. “Isn’t that deep enough, y/n?”

“-hm? O-oh, yeah, my bad.” You had to use some extra arm power to tug it out of the wood, scratching the sharp metal tip against your palm in the process when the awl finally came out.

“Ow! Fuck!” you exclaim, dropping the awl.

“Are you okay?” Mark asks, his eyes widening with concern shining in them. His hands reach to turn over your palm and check the gash, but you pull your hand away from him and press it against your jeans to stop the bleeding.

“I'm fine,” you say. Why did you agree to this? To have this new student on your tail for the past months, watching your every move, asking so many goddamn questions. And worst of all, acting like he cared about you. You only saw him for an hour each day, but every minute of it was filled with thoughts of Mark. His cute smile, his cute cluelessness. Even when you wanted to escape him, you couldn't. Because he was assigned to follow you around. And at the end of each class, he linked arms with Jaemin, reminding you that your life was destined to have not one good thing in it.

“Y/n,” Mark started, watching the blood smear across your skin. “Y/n, I’ll get some-”

Without responding, you got up and left to go to the bathroom.

Staring at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, you glared down your pupils. You were nothing. Just an accessory to the lives of people like Mark and Jaemin. Every interaction with Mark, every question, every statement seemed to mock your quiet lifestyle and introvertedness. Grabbing some paper towels, you clumped them together and wiped your palm before heading back to class with a weighted frustration in your chest.

You were tuned out for the rest of the week, ignoring Mark’s jokes and responding dryly to his questions. As you pass the clock to Mark for him to take turns working on it, you tense up, making sure to avoid brushing your fingers against his.

When the bell rang, you grabbed your bag and dashed for the door, wanting to leave Mark as far behind as possible. The closer he was to you, the more you were reminded of your experiences with Jaemin. You pushed open the door, making eye contact with Jaemin waiting beside it.

As you stormed away from the classroom, Jaemin raised his eyebrows, surprised that you weren’t beside Mark today. He decided to change it up today and chase after you.

“What’s wrong, y/n? Why aren’t you following Mark like a dog today?” He sneered, walking closely beside you despite you trying to speed up your pace.

“Wow, am I not worthy enough of a response from the great y/n?” He tilted his head to try to look into your eyes, but you avoided his gaze. “It’s been such a long time since I got to talk to you, y/n.” In the crowded hallways, Jaemin’s mocking words became muddled with the footsteps of other students rushing to get to lunch, and the loud chatter between friends. You just wanted to escape the chaos and get home.

“Y/n, why do you think you’re too good to answer me?” Jaemin teased. “Talk to me, bitch,” he said, twisting the strands of your ponytail around his finger before pulling on it, jerking your head back.

“A-ah!” you reached back to remove his grip from your hair, but before you could find his hand, another one was already locked around Jaemin’s wrist.

“Jaemin, what are you doing?” Mark asked, his knuckles turning white in their tight grasp around Jaemin’s wrist.

“Oh, Mark, there you are.” said Jaemin. “Y/n and I used to be good friends in middle school, if you didn’t know.”

“I-I don’t think -- Jaemin, I think you went too far,” Mark says. “Come on, y/n, let’s just go.” Mark lets go of Jaemin’s wrist to grab yours and lead you away.

“What was that all about?” Mark asks.

You figure you might as well just tell him the truth. “-and I-I just didn’t want to get too close to anyone that affiliates with Jaemin. That’s why I didn’t feel like talking to you the past few weeks.”

Mark didn��t know what to say. He felt guilty for outwardly befriending someone that had hurt you so much. He felt ashamed for befriending someone that was such a mean and disrespectful person. He felt regretful that he couldn’t notice the signs and be there for you. He felt thankful that you had told him the truth and deemed him someone that you could trust and confide in. And most of all, he felt like he wanted to protect you. From Jaemin, from anything. He wanted to be in your life.

From that day on, instead of parting ways after woodshop, you headed together with him in the same direction, to eat lunch together. He was no longer with Jaemin, and you were no longer alone.

You became inseparable, eating lunch together, working on your wooden clock together, studying for science and math exams together. Your feelings for Mark grew more and more each minute you spent with him, but you didn’t want to risk losing the friendship, so you repressed those feelings. It had been this hard for you to make a real friend, you were not going to lose him so easily.

On the last day of the wooden clock assignment, the finishing touch was to engrave a phrase onto the back of the clock. It could be your name, the name of the receiver of the clock, a shape, or anything you wanted. As Mr. Slater explained the process, Mark whispered to you, “Can I do this part all by myself? Please?”

“Sure,” you say. It would be nice for him to do a day of assignments completely by himself before he’d have to do the next project alone anyway.

Throughout the period, he toils away, staring intensely at his engraving on the back of the clock, carving carefully and meticulously while you work on assignments from another class.

With five minutes left in the period, Mark says excitedly, “I’m done! Y/n, look, look.”

You raise your head from your book to see the small words carved on the back of the clock: Will you go on a date with me?

#nct imagines #nct fluff #nct angst #nct x reader #mark x reader #nct 127 #nct #mark lee #nct 127 scenarios #nct scenarios #nct 127 fic #jaemin #bully!jaemin #nct fic #nct high school au #nct school au

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buginateacup · 4 years

Text

@dalniente I’m making a new post for this

So based off our previous conversation I’m reposting this thing separately because I went for a walk and words started percolating and now I have three pages written already and there would be SO MUCH PINING. Because of course they cant be married they just need to get an annulment there’s no way this could ever, would ever work between them...right?

Original idea below based on the idea that Roxanne bills Megamind for destroyed shoes and clothing for the last seven years

Just Megamind looking over this list Roxanne’s presented him with and just going “Minion fetch the piggy bank!” and just smashing it open to hand her a diamond or something! And then being like, “Wait no that ones flawed you need something better...aha!” and hands her a better diamond on a ring instead (my brain escalates these things. Its what it does) and Roxanne just boggles and throws it back at him shouting “I wanted to get my shoes replaced not for you to ask me to marry you!”

“I wasn’t asking you to marry me!” Megamind did not think this through he’s panicking and Roxanne is looking furious and elsewhere in Metro Wayne Scott’s superhearing just heard the words “Marry me” and yes finally things are happening its about time.

“Well good!” Roxanne should not open her big mouth when she’s angry this is utterly humiliating why did she even mention marriage of course he wasn't proposing he doesn't even like her. This was the worst idea ever she just wanted to not have to worry about the blisters from breaking in another pair of shoes when she’d rather pay attention to the giant spiderbot or talk to him about how the brain-bots AI works.

“No. Not good! Not good at all!” You handed her a ring you mega-idiot what else would she think! This is nothing like the occasional hours weeks years of daydreams he’s absolutely never had ever in his life that she would say yes. That she would ever want to marry him. This is the worst this is the absolute worst “As if that’s the kind of ring I’d ever propose to you with!”

“EXACTL- wait what?” He’s thought about a ring? He’s thought about a ring specifically for her? That is not a normal thing. That is something people only consider when things get really serious. Why has he thought about a ring for her?

“What?” You just...keep making it worse for yourself don’t you Megamind. “Of course I wouldn’t propose to you with some possibly cursed ring! You deserve sapphires as blue as your eyes!”

“And you deserve emeralds to match yours!” Oh my god Roxanne shut up shut up shut up, “ Why are you giving me a cursed ring!”

“Possibly! Possibly cursed!” Ahahahahaha help oh evil gods help, “Any ring I did propose to you with would be 100% not cursed! Emerald cut sapphire in a platinum band framed by baguette cut diamonds!”

“See now that sounds like a ring I would be happy to accept!” Stop talking Roxanne please, please try and get out of this with some shred of dignity left.

“Fantastic! I’ll make it for you tonight!” Oh no.

“Wonderful! I cant wait to wear it!” Oh fuck.

“Brilliant! Are we engaged now?” Of all the ways Megamind’s plans have backfired over the years he never imagined an outcome like this...

“Yes! I don’t know!...I guess? Sure! Fine!” Roxanne wonders if this is what it feels like when one of his plans goes awry...

And then we have two options, the first where the shouting continues...

“Thank the evil gods because I have been in love with you for years!” and Megamind storms towards Roxanne and pulls her into his arms

“Well good because I love you too!” and she wraps her arms around him and...

well...

turns out billing your supervillain for damages is a great idea after all.

And the Second which is much funnier...

They are not engaged. Definitely not. Today has just been a shared hallucination and they are going to go home and never speak of this again.

And this is about to get really funny or really terrible but they’ve finally stopped shouting at each other and they’re just looking at one another and Roxanne sort of sways and Megamind sort of sways and...

And Minion is suddenly there hugging them both and is just so ecstatic that neither of them have the heart to tell him that its all a big misunderstanding (is it?) and they’re not really engaged (are they?) but sure he can make Roxanne’s dress so they can get him out of the room for ten minutes while they actually work out how to tell him this was a mistake....

And then Metro Man flies in like “I’m so happy you two crazy kids finally worked this out!” And Megamind and Roxanne are both just...freaking and Wayne is going on and on about how much he wants to help plan the wedding and Roxanne says the first thing she can think of to not get roped into a Scott Family Event with a capital E and blurts out “We’re eloping!”

“We are? I mean yes! We are! Absolutely!“ Megamind agrees. They can get in the invisible car and just drive until they figure this out or until they run off a cliff whichever will be easier

(the cliff is currently winning)

“Oh great!” says the oblivious Wayne Scott who is just so, so happy for these two, “I’ll fly you down to Vegas right now!”

And he does. With Megamind and Roxanne in one arm and Minion in the other and Roxanne and Megamind have no way of communicating without the others catching on so they are just exchanging these panicked glances and then blushing because holy fuck why is this happening this was not the plan and before they know it they’re standing in front of an Elvis impersonator saying “I do” and Minion is throwing confetti shaped like brain-bots and Wayne is crying and Megamind and Roxanne managed to get a whole five minutes to themselves before the wedding to be like “Okay this is insane but we just get divorced later right? How hard can it be? We’re a damsel and super-villain no one will be surprised when it doesn't work out” (no matter how much they each privately might want it to).

That kiss though...that is really something.

They share a honeymoon suite with the works (courtesy of Wayne). Flowers, chocolate, champagne, his n hers bathrobes. It is extremely awkward. (except the bit I just wrote with body chocolate which, omg) There is only one bed and it is the size of a small continent and they still wind up accidentally tangled together the next morning.

But its fine. Its absolutely fine. There’s a divorce register in the hotel lobby exactly for these kind of situations. No one is even going to know.

Except Wayne flies back to Metro with Minion and they make a big delighted announcement so when Megamind and Roxanne do show back up (the Divorce register opens late on Sundays and they had to check out by ten. The universe really must have it in for them or something). The whole city knows.

And is actually pretty happy for them.

Apparently there had been a pool.

(Carlos, Roxanne’s doorman, won if you’re interested)

Okay fine, they can pretend for a while. Figure out some way for Megamind to go back to villainy and for Roxanne to go back to being kidnapped. This isn’t going to backfire at all.

Only Roxanne goes back to her apartment (alone) to have the panic attack she’s been pushing back for the last 36 hours, to find removalists on site and a representative from the city explaining seeing as she’s no longer the Metro City damsel she’s not entitled to remain in her lovely open living giant balcony apartment she’s been living in for the last seven years that the city has been subsidising her rent on.

Roxanne’s apartment is was very nice and extremely expensive. More than she can afford on her own. So she puts her stuff in storage, packs a bag and hunts down the Evil Lair. And she walks in like “Hi Husband. I live here now I guess.” (please don’t throw me out can I stay? Can I stay forever?)

And Megamind who has been contemplating cutting off his own finger rather than trying to remove the ring he’s still wearing, sees her walking in with a bag, still wearing that awful (possibly cursed) ring and just...

Right.

Okay then.

Hi wife, please stay and never leave but of course we cant be married what were we thinking and now we have to keep this a secret from Minion except we live with Minion and he’s going to be very concerned if you ask for a separate bedroom and I guess I’m a superhero now which means you’ll be getting kidnapped by other villains and that is NOT OKAY AT ALL and there will definitely be a “That’s my wife!” moment and no one understands why I look so absolutely gobsmacked when you kiss me on live tv after I rescue you and you tell me you love me but oh of course it was for the cameras it wasn't real

SO MUCH ANGST AND PINING

...

This is a problem they can solve...somehow

Except now they’re stuck married and living together and all of Megamind’s uncles are asking when he’s going to bring their new niece in law to visit. and there is so much PINING because they each think the other doesn't want to be married except they sorta want to and ugh...

---------------

Roxanne woke up in the middle of the bed, one leg twisted around someone else’s and the taste of chocolate still in her mouth.

This is not her bed.

Did she hook up with someone?

There is someone snuggled close behind her breathing softly. She can feel a lean chest bare against her back and is that a goatee pressed against her shoulder?

Roxanne opened her eyes and looked down blearily. there was an arm around her waist, pulling her back against the body behind her. She has her fingers tangled in the other persons hand. There's something about the arm. She squinted in the early morning light.

Its blue

Well

That’s okay that’s just Megamind then. Roxanne closed her eyes and snuggled backwards a little. The arm around her waist tightened and the lips on her shoulder pressed a sleepy kiss against her skin.

...Wait

That's Megamind.

Roxanne's eyes shot open. She pulled her hand and the one she was holding up to the light. Definitely blue. Long fingers and square palms and definitely not human.

And there are rings

There is one ceramic zirconium band in dark grey and a large (possibly cursed) diamond ring on the ring fingers of each of their hands.

Why is she in bed with Megamind and why are there rings and oh god she just remembered everything.

Very carefully she laid their joined hands back over her waist and hoped desperately that she can just fall asleep again and not deal with this.

She can feel the moment Megamind wakes up. A whole body shudder goes through him from his feel up to his head and he shakes into full alertness.

"Oh evil gods"

She felt him roll onto his back and press his hands over his face. But her hand is still tangled in his so he winds up pulling her on top of him instead.

And Roxanne panics and flails and rolls over as well until she is lying on top of

...her husband

He's her husband.

He's her husband and he's awake and she's awake and he's looking up at her with brilliant green eyes the colour of emeralds and she sees the recognition dawning and she wants to kiss him, wants to say "hi", wants to say "want to stay married?", wants to say "what if this wasn't a mistake?" but what comes out is "We should get divorced."

#fake married #megamind #vegas wedding #dal is a fanfic #bug is writing a thing #help somebody please #rings #is a working title #I keep writing the same scenes as sweet and then as painful painful angst

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