#mid dom
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Bucky pinning you down so you can’t squirm and he’s just sitting inside you while he tortures your clit feeling you clench around him. He makes you cum over and over until he finally cums.
Overstimulation + super soldier stamina = …
- 🍯
Dear God, I know I just don't have it in me to behave during cock-warming. When it comes down to it, I genuinely have no patience at all 😵💫
"You..." Bucky begins, pressing you down onto the bed before gripping your ankles and forcing you to flip over onto your front. "Have a problem with control."
With your face turned away from him, you can't help but smile to yourself. No one has ever said it out loud but you know he's right.
Being in control is where you're most comfortable. No hands are safer than your own. Except maybe his. You know he won't fuck this up.
"And you..." He continues, gathering your wrists behind your back, holding them tightly with one hand. "Need to learn how it feels to have control taken from you. Do you understand?"
As soon as you begin to nod your head, you feel him start to tape around your wrists, holding them together behind your back. Once he's content they're secure, he sits on the edge of the bed, facing the mirror before he pulls you onto his lap.
"Legs spread over the top of mine." He orders and you do as you're told, not because you have to but because you want to.
You notice the way your cunt is already glistening in the mirror and you're almost embarrassed because he hasn't even touched you yet.
"Fuck, you're made for this." He groans, lining his cock up to your slick entrance and you wonder if he's holding his breath too while he slides into you, as deep as your bodies will allow.
You're obsessed with the sight in front of you; your own naked body, with your legs spread so far apart you can see how your cunt is stuffed full of him.
Being shorter though, your feet can't touch the ground like this. There's no way you'll get enough leverage to fuck yourself on him but as soon as you start to tell him that, he silences you with two thick fingers between your lips.
"I'm not letting you fuck me." His free hand roams over your body, squeezing your breasts, pinching your nipples and then settling between your spread thighs.
"I'm going to play with you. I'm going to see how much you can take. I'm going to work out exactly how you like your clit stroked and I'm going to do that until your legs are shaking and your body won't let you cum any more. Maybe then I'll fuck you but sweetheart, that will be hours from now." His breath is hot against the side of your face, his fingers slipping from your mouth to your waist while he starts to flick gently against your clit.
"I'm going to start slowly. I'm going to do everything I can to drag this out as long as possible. I can feel every clench and flutter of this pretty little cunt and I'm going to enjoy it until you're dripping over my balls." At this rate, it won't be long until you're dripping onto the carpet, never mind over him. You dreamed he'd want to take control like this but you never imagined the way your body would respond.
"And then, when you've cum more times than you can handle, I'm going to tell you that I love you while I fuck you like I don't."
Update: Part 2
#asks answered <3#becca writes spice#🍯 anon#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x reader smut#dom!bucky#I think this might be one of my favourites that I've written recently#That last line has been my go - to fantasy this week#it's come into my head every morning when I'm walking to the train#and I planned to write an exploration of it today#but you know#I like it just left there like that for now#I've spent most of my free time trying to book a mid-week city break#but I don't know where to start#I got a new piercing this week and I love it!!#but I was in work on Friday talking about it#and our graphic designer asked how many piercings I had#so I told him I have 8. So 3 in each ear#and the expression on his face was just pure maths#he didn’t question it lmao
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who in heartsteel would be willing to get matching piercings with reader 👉👈 and if so, where? 👁️👅👁️
[[Yes yes I have piercings I know licking them is bad but its sexy ok we close our eyes. Also I stopped writing NSFW like 10 years ago but this is tempting me to return..............deleted content in the comments.]]
✖ Heartsteel Matching Piercings ✖
Yone would get a tongue piercing with you. Sneaky smiles hidden under his cool collected exterior. Eyes narrowing, a smug smirk as he sticks his tongue out at you from across the room, the metal but a small teasing glimmer. No one else in Heartsteel knows about it. Just you. A very, interesting little secret between you two. In private Yone would also really like to delicately run his thumb across your lower lip, pulling it down just a little, voice low and soft as he asks you to stick out your tongue for him as he checks on how it is healing. Yone would then smile to himself as he looks at you and your matching piercing before pulling you in for a passionate kiss and enjoying the feeling of your piercing hitting his as your tongues intertwine.
Ezreal would get a naval piercing. He already has piercings all over his ears. But his tummy is sensitive and if you go with him. Run your hands up and down his abs. Ask nicely. Alright. He'll do it with you. A blush on his face as he gets a piercing with your colors while you get one with a green ball. He would pepper your tummy with little kisses, careful to avoid the freshly done piercing as his hands roam across your chest. Ezreal loves to see your exposed midriff as much as he likes showing off his to you, so the piercings were a nice way to add to that. When they heal? Ezreal is the kind to lick a trail up from the waist of your underwear to the piercing and lightly kiss it before giving you a smug laugh. He knows what he's doing.
Aphelios would get an eyebrow piercing over his right eye. Nothing too obvious. Only when you run your hands through his hair and lift up his bangs then you can see them. Two little metal balls neatly placed to mirror his eyebrow slit on the other brow. It's very cute. He is the kind to lovingly sneak soft kisses on your brow when you two were alone, so now with the piercings there, it kind of feels more special. Aphelios personally finding it nice to lightly run his fingers across the metal and gently touch them while he kisses you. Does he do it knowingly or unconsciously? You honestly still can't tell. The little trickster would also give you a knowing smirk as his runs His fingers through your hair, lightly tugging as he holds your hair up to inspect your piercings before he pulls you in for another kiss.
Sett would get an industrial on one ear and maybe a few helix piercings sprinkled in, however helix piercings work for his cute little ears. They would twitch expectantly as you gently help him care for it post piercing. Almost purring as you clean the piercings for him as your lightly rub and scratch the fur at the base as a treat. He would help you do the same, gently whispering how sexy you are with those piercings into your ears as his cleans them for you after a bath. Sett would also like lightly blowing hair out of the way, or carefully tucking your hair behind your ears as he admires the metal on your skin. After they heal? He is definitely the kind of guy to lick the edges of your ears, enjoying the cool metal of your piercings against his warm tongue.
K'Sante would get a dermal piercing on his collarbone. If you got one on the right his is on the left. It's nothing obvious and usually hidden under his clothes. It's something cute that only you get to see when he takes off his top in front of you. Or when he teasingly pulls the collar down to expose his piercings just to bully you with his bare skin and that nice decorative metal. In private, he likes how its perfectly where the tips of his fingers would rest when he puts his arms around your shoulder, gently circling around the piercing as the two of you snuggle and chat. He also loves it if you were to gently kiss his collarbone near the piercing while looking up at him with all the love in your eyes, hands slowly lifting up his top the admire the piercing better.
Kayn already has a bunch but would love to get snakebites with you. It is badass and honestly very sexy, he loves how the metal clinks against yours when you two kiss. The kind of fucker to bite on your piercings and pull on them. Loving the way your lips would part and how it would hurt just a little. Of course he takes care of it too, hands holding your face as he looks at you with a calm, almost serious expression as he helps your clean the piercings after he plays with them. He would be the kind to sit on your lap, hovering over you as his hands dexterously fondle with the metal, helping you change the accessories after they heal. When he's feeling a little special, he would look away all shy and embarrassed before lightly kissing each piercing.
#peep the comments for deleted kayn and sett scenes cos i decided to switch stuff around LMAO#also im mid yone soft dom brainrot rn so uh this came out#HEARTSTEEL#Heartsteel!Ezreal#Heartsteel!Kayn#Heartsteel!K'Sante#Heartsteel!Yone#Heartsteel!Sett#Heartsteel!Aphelios#Kayn Shieda#Kayn#Aphelios#Sett#Settrigh#K'Sante#Ezreal#Yone#Anon Answer#HEADCANONS#League of Legends#god theres too much to tag i give up again#Kayn x Reader#Ezreal x Reader#Sett x Reader#Aphelios x Reader#K'Sante x Reader#Yone x Reader#Heartsteel x Reader
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Susan
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel spoilers#alastor#midway through the first episode#mid ish#im not floored#charlies song was cute#OKAY alastors death was a little gaggy#little epic on that one#so many died dude wtf#dude alastor is suffering through this#hes her puppet#just a sinner plucked from the bunch#dom mommy kinda into it actually#make the bitch boys suffer fr#still wish i could decide how i feel about her talking about this stuff with such frivolity#like#cant do both buddy#🤔#unless#this is just what they say is wrong with America#too divided#we do need a common goal#but it cant be this stupid show#can it ?#ive been reading history books again#high time
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roy and ted aka the kings of cunnilingus
#roy kent#ted lasso#trent crimm#the acrobatics necessary#for ted to sit on roy’s face#as trent sits on ted’s face#are astounding#and probably not recommended for people in their#mid to late 40s#alas#we do not care#tedroy#tedependent#tedtrent#coach beard#is there too#somehow idk his deal#ok no i know he either doms ted#or is his tratty bottom#and ted’s a service top
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Uprooted
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐; my favourite kind of fantasy - classic fairytale with a side of 'dont worry about the details' and 'you gotta believe in the heart of the cards!'
Oh?? 👌😉😏
a really sharp, quick-witted, and willful female protagonist going 'fuck it!' every few chapters or so and doing something crazy (crazy fun) to drive the plot forward, off a new exciting cliff
a soft magic system that really shows off in the best light what makes soft magic systems so valid. its all about the metaphors!! you have to measure the chocolate chips with your heart!!!
nature is so magical and beautiful and deadly. specifically if you treat trees bad they will form a sentient vengeful forest to raze your civilization to the ground and salt the earth with your bodies
kasia. i love an atomic blonde unkillable bad bitch with the strongest queerplatonic vibes with her best friend from birth
a CLASSIC grumpy 'beastly' male love interest. he seals himself away in a lonely tower, makes girls hang out with him for 10 years at a time, and unironically calls himself 'the Dragon'. he even has the audacity to be offended that everyone thinks he's creepy!!!!!!
No.. ❌🤢🤮
if you like having explanations for how magic works and any semblance of a hard magic system in your fantasy, put this book back. 'round here we operate on Vibes Only, babey!!
similarly, if your love language is words of affirmation and/or you think that fanfic-style romance plotlines should stay in fanfic, this romance is Not For You. this is not a judgment, only a warning
Summary: Agnieszka loves her home in her little village in the valley - you know, except for the evil forest simply known as the Wood that's been around as long as there have been people in the valley, with terrible creatures and sentient walking trees. And the century-old wizard known only as 'the Dragon' living in the tower overlooking their land, who takes a young woman every ten years to serve him. But what Agnieszka dreads the most is that her best friend, Kasia, will be chosen next, and that Agnieszka is helpless to save her. Until the day of the choosing, when the Dragon picks Agnieszka instead.
Concept: 💭💭💭💭 I've never gotten along that well with a book blurb, but this one does its damn job - gives me enough plot premise to get me interested without giving it all away, and doesn't make me feel like I've been lied to once I start the book! some stories really don't do what they say on the tin, or take ages to get there at all, but Uprooted starts off exactly at the spot the blurb said it would - with a girl, in a valley, scared of a terrible wizard, about to be whisked away to a tower.
Execution: 💥💥💥💥💥 This story is EXACTLY what it says it wants to be, down to the cadence of the prose - a Polish folklore-inspired fairytale. The rhythm of Novik's narration even fits right - one day I'll get the audiobook for this and get to hear it the way I read it in my head, like a grandmother's bedtime story with twists and eddies and crescendos at the all the right bits. I was in love with the aesthetic of every character, they fit perfectly into the backdrop of what this story was.
Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤❤❤❤ This book aligns to my tastes much the same way An Enchantment of Ravens does, and shares of lot of the same elements without ever feeling derivative - smart girl meets magic boy, causes all kinds of irreversible political upheaval, and lives happily ever after being just as they are - a Girl with The Audacity. its a tale as old as time, and i'll hear it told just as often
Favourite Moment: you know its a good book when you really can't choose a favourite moment - one that comes to mind is agniezska choosing to save sarkan from being grafted onto the heart-tree in the Wood instead of setting fire to it. the 'fuck it!' energy agniezska brings to her moments of crisis is SO good, plus the motif of her always reaching out to sarkan to cast magic together - 'hey real quick, cast a spell with me while you're being pulled into an evil magic tree trying to twist your magic and life force against us. couldn't hurt, eh?' and then it WORKS
Favourite Character: now yall know i love a sarkan-esque character - pathetic wet cat men who are so offended by their own squishy feelings are a great time! and kasia is SO bad bitch extraordinaire, her and agnieszka's love for each other literally makes the plot go - every time, every time without hesitation she puts herself as the last thing standing between agnieszka and the Wood. but agniezska herself is really Something. the way she uses magic, her connection with nature and her refusal to be anything else than what she is - a grubby young woman who wields kindness as her weapon against the world, who holds onto her humanity with both hands and teeth - she shapes this fairytale to be the story she wants it to be, one of connection and empathy. and im still thinking about her introducing the lord of the whole valley to her mother 🤣 power move!!
#uprooted#naomi novik#books#book review#booklover#bookblr#reading#sarkan's refusal to bind himself to the valley is SO. one day agnieszka will stop for breath mid-bickering and really come to grips with#unpacking why he was so unokay with tying himself to the land. an orphan with incredible magical ability growing up surrounded by#power-hungry nobles? yeah that guy has trust and commitment issues. need agnieszka to fuck that out of him#i mean OF COURSE teach him that the valley is a home and not a cage (that no one will ever force him to stay not even her#that he can come and go as he pleases and still be theirs) and its ok to be tied to the people that love you and vice versa etc etc etc.#but also like. he deserves to be dommed into feeling safe enough to put down roots. as a treat.#anyway kasia x agnieszka x sarkan throuple with agnieszka as the homing beacon and kasia + sarkan as the migrating birds always circling#always knowing the way back home
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American Apple Pie
Pairing: Low/Mid Honor Arthur Morgan and female OC.
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Savigne Ricci is a temporary guest at the Van der Linde camp. Her path crosses with the enforcer of the gang, Arthur Morgan, and despite their differences, a relationship develops between them. Whole lot of smut and fluff, slow burn-ish.
Thank you everyone who has read, commented, reviewed - I had a blast and I will miss the journey. But all journeys must come to an end and here we are.
Chapter 50: Epilogue
AO3 link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/54945853/chapters/159813580
#arthur morgan x female reader#arthur morgan fluff#arthur morgan smut#low honor arthur morgan#mid honor arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2#arthur morgan#fluff#smut#fanfic#dom arthur morgan
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trick or treat!!! 🎃🎃🎃
(and thank you for your comments on my lil drabbles!!!! i loved reading your tags & thoughts<3<3)
(<3 i'm glad! i love reading your stuff!! it's always so good! & ty for ur tags on mine, i appreciate them sm <33333)
this is a snippet from a wip i've been working on for... i think about a year now, lol. working title is "slipping tongues" & is v loosely inspired by that one panel, where jason calls himself "daddy" while defusing a bomb xD
i shared a slightly earlier snippet of it here~
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of all the things he could have said—
It’s all Tim’s fault. He’s been driving Jason crazy all night. It’s Jason’s fault, of course, for agreeing to Tim’s idea all those weeks ago in the first place. He’d been complaining, again, about his nights at the lounge, and at the time… Well. He hadn’t seen how Tim playing as Hood’s arm candy could go wrong.
Big mistake.
He’d forgotten just how much effort Tim put into his undercover identities.
Or—
No, that wasn’t quite right.
Jason had been expecting Tim’s identity to cater to their audience. And in a way, it did. There was nothing threatening about his appearance, the act he put on. The amount of conversations that had taken place right in front of him, as if he wasn’t even there would be infuriating if it wasn’t playing right into their hands. But the appearance of the disguise…
That was tailored specifically to Jason.
Subtle makeup to soften his face; just enough padding to give him the illusion of curves. Small breasts, a black wig, just a bit longer than his natural hair—and jewelry to draw the eye from anything he couldn’t disguise. And—look, okay. Jason is biased. He thinks obsessive, 72 hours no sleep, wearing his rattiest clothes, caffeine-addled gremlin Tim is hot. This Tim? Dolled up in provocative outfits and sultry make-up? He’s a goner.
And Tim knows it. He walks a fine line, teasing just enough to drive Jason mad without also compromising his persona as Hood. It’s maddening… and hot as hell. Could anyone blame him, if maybe his brains were a bit addled? Or if maybe, just maybe, he wanted to turn the tables on Tim, even if just for a moment?
Jason doesn’t think so.
If Tim asks, Jason will tell him it was a slip of the tongue. He got too deep into the Hood headspace. Otherwise—they can just… forget about it. Pretend it never happened in the first place.
Yeah. That sounds good.
#immediate next line:#Of course; if Jason had been thinking straight; he would have realized that Tim wouldn’t just let it go#and that he would be willing to play dirty to make sure Jason couldn’t wriggle out of talking about it.#semi colons subbed for commas#its just tim domming jason in a dress while calling him daddy#i still have no idea where the idea came from lmao#but the set-up is giving me trouble#maybe im overthinking it!#but nothing feels ~right~ lol#anyway!#thank u so much for asking~#slipping tongues#asks and answers#mid-nightowl#also i did hunt around to see if i had anything non-jaytim to share bc i KNOW i like other pairings but#nothing substantial im afraid#well. there was some gen stuff but i couldn't find any like... snippets i wanted to pull out#also ik the trick or treat stuff mentioned more than just snippets but i have fun with snippets lol#tauriawritesfanfic
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this is the last one for the night. what could this blahaj possibly represent? you decide c:
#mid-30s pet mom btw#good girls go here#transgender#transfem#enby#mtf t4t#striped socks#feetish#mtf dom
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lamest thing about how horny i am about matt bomer rn is how normally im into him. do you know how fucking boring it is to be feeling all tingly over a very popular handsome man’s SMILE?? but i AM what can i say
#and by tingly i mean i feel it in my pussy every time he does his little smirk#definitely need to watch fellow travelers after this i’ve been putting it off for so long#but i need to see him doing a different kind of guy i need to see him as a dom#i also need to see him in a way more serious role#the thing with white collar is i don’t have enough genuine investment in the characters to know whether he’s a good actor or just hot#in general i’m bad at telling when people are good actors though#but white collar is corny and fun and fellow travelers i know is. not that.#i just don’t want to watch sad shit 😭#also i just watched him in mid century modern which is super fun and silly and he does fine but i dont think he is very suited to the role#like i chose to go watch him in other stuff as a refresher from that to see him doing something other than wide eyed ditzy guy#ANYWAY. i want him.#r.txt
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how are y’all getting cute scenes with whitney like going to her room n meeting her aunt/uncle(??) and stuff all she does to me is tell me to strip
#original post#i have her at high love and. i think high/mid dom right now but it fluctuates. i should knock it down some more tbh
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save me Bottom Line by Dom Fera save meeee pleaseee
#IIIII shine when my back's against a walllll I don't need anything at alllll I don't need anything at allllLLLLL#LLLLLAAHLL DRIVE ME SOMEWHERE YOU'VE BEEN LIKING ORDER SOMETHING I DON'T WANT I'LL DRINK IT ANYWAY#dom fera#spoon rambles#I yearn to make an angsty yet upbeat edit to it to a beloved mid 2010s show that's how good it is
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#purple#light purple#i forgot to make it a pup#just ignore that#low agg#low brv#mid dom#mid nrg#mid nrv#high sym#ID 7656
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In a lot of ways having sex with me is like having sex with a befuddled dolphin.
#dylan says things#in that I am unbelievably sweaty (and therefor damp) have little control over my limbs and also I cannot hear a fucking word you're saying#do you know how humiliating it is to ask a dom mid-scene to repeat their dirty talk/instructions because you didn't hear it the first time?#because I do!
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American Apple Pie
Pairing: Low/Mid Honor Arthur Morgan and female OC.
Rating: Explicit
Summary: Savigne Ricci is a temporary guest at the Van der Linde camp. Her path crosses with the enforcer of the gang, Arthur Morgan, and despite their differences, a relationship develops between them. Whole lot of smut and fluff, slow burn-ish.
Chapter 41
AO3 link:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/54945853/chapters/154567924
Sometime during the night, being this close to camp, she woke up to the sound of hoofbeats and exchanged greetings.
"Just the rest of'em comin' in," Arthur assured her. "Go back to sleep."
Eventually they moved into the cabin and there was just the distant, muffled voices drifting over. She expected him to get up and join them but he didn't.
"What happened over there? In Guarma?" she whispered. The gang coming together again worried her. Without Dutch things had been quiet and calm; the lying low had brought a precarious peace over the camp. She was leaving soon anyway, so it shouldn't concern her, but who knew what they were cooking behind closed doors and how it could potentially tangle her own plans.
"Was a mess," he murmured.
At least Molly will be happy, she thought. Her liver must be shot by now.
She was unable to drift off again and ruminated on the heavy lifting that needed doing in the coming days. Now that he was back, the elephant in the room that they had to talk about. A box stood between them, impossibly heavy, and on it a name: Eliza. Every time she thought how to approach it, she flustered at the weight of it.
She thought back on the conversation in the Bayou…His understandable distaste at being trapped with a child he hadn’t asked for. The unhappiness he had expressed about being saddled with something he had had no say in. His clear reluctance in stepping up, his half-assed way of doing it simply because that was what a man did. A happy incidence reduced to a duty, a responsibility, an obligation.
Sure, he had loved Isaac, but his relationship with her had devolved, hadn’t it? Despite coming around on the child, he had never forgiven her for making that choice for him; in fact he had openly admitted that he had resented her for it. Her reasons were her own - maybe that one night had meant more to her than it had for him and she had felt that he would come around; maybe just like Savigne, she hadn’t known until it was too late. No matter her motivations, in the end Eliza had doomed them both to a relationship neither was happy with because what man enjoyed having children that he had had no say in?
The notion that she had practically repeated this pattern twisted her gut. How could he not be angry with her? How could he not mistrust her now?
Abigail had said that was all different but the more she thought about it, the more it seemed the same. Arthur didn’t look upset, but could be he was trying to step up again. Could be he was trying to do the right thing. Could be he was trying to power through for her sake. Worse: could be he was acting out of guilt. Trying to unmake his past mistakes.
“Thought you was tired?” he muttered into her neck. “I can hear ya thinkin’.”
“You wouldn’t if you had slept on that bedroll.”
“‘M right where I wanna be,” he sighed, his arm coiling firmer around her.
In the morning she woke up with his presence behind her and it was the absolute best feeling in the world. She didn’t move for a whole minute just to enjoy that sensation. Then suddenly, almost jarringly, it occurred to her that they weren’t alone. Not really. Her palm deftly flattened on her belly as she grappled with this notion, turning it over in her head. There was more of her here now and more of him, occupying this very space. She thought of the picture of her parents and how she had wondered if she herself had been there with them whenever it was taken and felt a profound overlap of some sort, like space and time had folded on itself and she was closer to them than she had been in many, many years.
A swish of clothes and his hand was on her arm, gliding up to her shoulder. He must have been awake too and enjoying a similar pleasure. She turned to lie on her left side and they adjusted on their pillows to face each other. First time waking up in the Bayou together, she thought.
In the light of day, his tan was even more prominent and made his features leaner and sharper, the creases around his eyes more obvious. But the color also added to his rugged handsomeness. There were five weeks between them, and the hurt from the Ecco debacle and now a third member that they hadn’t even talked about yet - miles and miles of distance - but he felt closer to her heart than ever, as if all those things had pressed them against each other and pushed everything in between out.
“What’s in yer head?” he whispered a long while later.
“I was thinking of my parents,” she whispered back. “I haven’t thought of them in a long time.”
He found her hand and placed it on his cheek. Her eyebrows rose with the understanding of what he wanted. “Really?” was her amused scoff.
A boyish smile, somehow both shy and smug, and impossible to resist.
She took a deep breath pretending frustration and inched closer to kiss his cheek. “Welcome back...” she whispered as her fingers brushed and tucked his hair behind an ear, “…missed you.”
“Been long,” he smirked.
She chuckled despite herself and he grinned, eyes twinkling.
“Felt long,” she tied off the ritual. And so it had. Very, very long indeed.
In the background, the gang was waking up and stretching their limbs for the new day. Outside, behind the flap, everything was shit. The location was shit, the gang’s fortunes were shit, her work was…well maybe not exactly shit but not great either. Behind the flap there was entropy and everything was slowly falling apart and collapsing on itself. But in here they were untouchable and pregnant with new beginnings. In more ways than one.
He caught her hand before she could retrieve it and kissed her palm, eyes fixed on her. “It’s late mornin’. That mean you got that evenin’ shift you wan’ed?”
“No,” she sighed. “I’m back at the steakhouse.”
This surprised him and his smile faltered. “Why?”
She shrugged imperceptibly and played with his shirt button. “I was let go.”
There was a pause and he grew more somber. “Why?”
“Couldn’t work for a while,” she said, fingers fidgeting with his lapel. She was quiet while he worked it out in his head. Yesterday she would have gladly thrown it in his face. But today...today she told herself that she didn’t want to feed his propensity for self blame, because it turned him glum and tiresome. But the honest answer was that she didn’t want to hurt him. There had been so much hurt and pain these past five weeks and she yearned to feel something else, something new. “It’s fine,” she added.
“Ain’t fine.”
“It was going to happen anyway. It’s a fancy place, they’re…sticklers about stuff.”
He looked at her for a long time, thumb drawing a slow circle in her palm and she was reminded of the electrifying intensity of his gaze.
“‘M sorry. Know it was important to you.”
“It’s fine,” she repeated, evading his eyes. “I didn’t like it there anyway.” Truth is, it had stung a great deal, tumbling down from that mountaintop, but she clutched at reasons that alleviated the sting: “It was a stressful work environment. Hectic and fast paced. I’m kind of relieved that I won’t work there the next few months. I’m sure the evening shift is even more intense.” He watched her face as as her fingers frayed at the tears and holes in his shirt. “Also, it was repetitive and…soulless, you know? I told you before, I wasn’t happy with it for a while.”
It wasn't all lies but it wasn't the whole truth either, and she could tell he saw through it easily enough.
Outside she heard people walking by the wagon to and from the horses, the mud squelching under their boots. It was awkward and uncomfortable to be this close to others when they had enjoyed their quiet privacy far away from the camp for so long.
“Wanna go to a hotel tonight?” he asked as if he was thinking the same. “We can order room service. Take a bath. Talk?”
“What’s wrong with this slice of paradise?” she waved her arm and chortled. He clicked his tongue and grinned back. They chuckled like two penniless fools laughing at the state of their own destitute.
She avoided an answer to his offer and he didn’t push. This was his way of showing grace and undoubtedly not easy for him, because his default setting was to clear any and all debris immediately. Unresolved conflict? Not on his watch. Difficult topic? No such thing. Discomfort? An immediate badgering to pinpoint the reason. A barrage of ‘What’s in yer head?’s and ‘What’s the matter?’s and ‘You okay?’s. Arthur Morgan enjoyed things between them open, clear and peaceful. While she fidgeted with objects and furniture to achieve harmony, he fidgeted with the state of things between them and tilted it this way or that to reach equilibrium.
But in this matter at least, he was attempting to exercise patience. Still, she wasn’t delusional: patience was his most limited arsenal. And if he was using it here, it was going to be sparse in everything else.
Almost immediately he proved her right when he sat up and said “‘M gonna bring breakfast,” even though he knew perfectly well she rarely ate breakfast.
“I’m not hungry,” she tried, as he stepped into his boots. “Just coffee would be-”
He parted the flap and walked off.
Savigne fell back on the bed and exhaled. Aaaannnd we’re off to the races, she thought. Hold on to your hats, because I’m about to be strong armed into all manner of things.
By the time she cleaned up and changed her outfit and did her hair, then rolled up the flap and tied it back to come around the wagon, he was exiting the hut with a tray of plates and cups.
She tried to drink the coffee which looked and tasted like tar, even had the damn consistency of tar, but the breakfast was too tall of an ask and she merely pushed it around on her plate. She hated Pearson’s eggs, they were always runny. No, they were practically liquid. Like he passed the pan over the fire once and then poured them on a plate kind of liquid. The viscous, coagulated mess turned her stomach.
The arrival of the men had visibly reinvigorated the camp. People loitered around and walked by their wagon bidding them good morning and it felt a little strange to be in the middle of this much action and movement. Things had been tranquil and lethargic; many mornings she had sat on this same chair and had barely seen anyone. Now the gang was stirring and twitching and rising from its dormancy like an animal that rose from its winter slumber. She watched them stroll around and shake off sleep, already looking more purposeful and optimistic and wondered what that meant for the future. A deflated gang was a sad sight, but an optimistic, revived one was bad news. She didn’t celebrate the return to normalcy, because normalcy for these people was crime.
“Tell me ‘bout this cabin,” he disrupted her train of thought.
She shouldn’t be surprised that a trio like John, Abigail and Sadie would immediately run to him and prattle about everything from the baby to the cabin, but it still caught her off guard. She shrugged.
“It’s a cabin. They're fixing it, should be ready in a week or so." His eyes narrowed as if he was debating how hard to push. “Are you angry?” she perked up, hoping it would devolve into a fight.
The “No” deflated her.
“So I guess I’m allowed a cabin now,” she teased.
“That a strong word, ‘allow’,” he grimaced and sipped his coffee. “‘Sides, heard John was gonna be there.”
“And if he wasn’t?” she fished.
“Then,” he sighed, amused by her fumbling for a fight. “I woulda been cross.”
“Hah!” she exclaimed, victorious.
“You testin’ me, little bird?” he drawled suggestively.
A flutter of lust ignited in her at his tone. She crossed her arms and leaned back. “Why would I do that?”
He bowed his lips. “Might be yer tryin’ to rile me up.” A slow flick up of his eyes. Arthur had a way of going from nothing to heated in a heartbeat and it often caught her off guard. One moment he would be listening to your babbling or drawing in his journal or cleaning his gun, then suddenly he was looking at you like he wanted to devour you. And more often than not, he did.
The rapidity of the flutter intensified and she looked away. “I should head out.”
He sighed regretfully and sat back in his chair. “What’s wrong with yer eggs?”
“Too runny.”
“Gimme a minute, gonna ready the cart,” he said, getting up.
“I don’t need the cart, I can ride out on Cri-"
He strode off. Again.
God, this is going to suck so hard, she leaned her forehead into a palm. Arthur Morgan was back. And he meant to make her his personal project. At least Sadie and John were polite enough to work with her. He, of course, had no such qualms. Like the gang, he was stretching, testing and feeling out his “new role”, which was basically his old role but with whatever added responsibility he had concocted in his head.
He returned with a “Ready.”
She prayed for patience, walked over and found both Cricket and Frost tied to it. “I’m goin’ with,” he explained when she gave him a questioning look and held out his hand.
“What are you doing?”
“Helpin’ you up?”
“I can climb up a cart,” she said evenly and waved it away. Like water, he would sprawl and fill out whatever space she allowed him, so it was prudent to limit this space because once he filled it, there was no draining him out.
He made an impatient gesture and gripped her elbow. “You could trip and fall.”
“I’m not going to...hey!” Her protestation was cut off as she was pushed up. “Are you going to be insufferable, Arthur? Because I have a feeling you’re going to be insufferable.”
“Only if yer gonna be difficult,” was the cool response as he walked around and climbed to take the reins.
The foliage was the same, but the angle and intensity of the light had changed with the season and the swamp had lost its summertime charm and air of mystery. Neither said anything for a while as the cart ambled through the Bayou towards Saint Denis and her mind turned to her ruminations, to that named box that sat there, waiting to be dismantled between them. She came up with different methods and approaches in her head, diverse arguments and a variety of ways to explain herself. As far as topics went, it was even more daunting than Ecco had been, and she had messed that one up spectacularly, so she was fixed on handling this better. Calmer. More rationally. Determined to lay out her reasons, to clarify her reservations…
“So,” he started, “was thinkin’-”
“I didn’t trick you,” she blurted, surprising them both.
There was a stunned pause.
“I know that,” he said at last.
“And I didn’t lie to you.” she added just for good measure.
“Know that, too.” His gaze on her was like an open oven. Her eyes flicked up to him, then quickly away. Now that she had dived in feet first like a fool, she had to swim on, but the words sat in her throat like beads. They wouldn’t come up and they refused to be swallowed back down. She felt a profound sense of trepidation. Shame for her own naivete and ignorance. Fear that her ignorance had put him in a position he probably was upset about being in. Dread that he would resent her for trapping him.
“Okay. Good. Way I see it…” she sucked in air, “…it’s kind of my problem. Not yours.”
He hesitated at this, clearly unsure what she meant. “Ain’t a ‘problem’,” was his careful response as he tried to read her.
She picked at the non existent lint on her skirt for a while. “Point being, I’m not holding you responsible.”
He looked at her, both incredulous and offended, as the horses clopped on. “For the child I put inside ya?”
Savigne shifted in her seat, her pulse throbbing in her throat. “I was the one who told you I couldn’t and…I just want to be clear about that.”
A silence stretched between them as he patiently waited for her to elaborate.
“I misled you,” she picked it back up, distantly aware that her speech was gaining speed like it always did when she was nervous, “I did and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I mean let’s face it, I was stupid and that’s on me. It’s fine. Maybe not fine, but I mean it has nothing to do with you.” He blinked with disbelief and she quickly went on: “It does, obviously, but also, it doesn’t.” She ignored his rising eyebrows. “I can do this, I’m fine with this by myself. I don’t expect anything from you, it’s perfectly fair and I would be really, really upset if you tried to ‘step up’ or some other nonsense. I will absolutely not accept that, I don’t want that, you don’t have to be involved because it’s my mistake, my problem and-”
“Savigne, breathe.”
She took a shudder of a breath and then another. His hand on her knee made her realize she had been tapping her foot and she stopped.
He straightened a little and ran a palm over his beard. “I ain’t sure what yer sayin’,” was his cautious statement. “But I hear a lot of ‘problem’s and ‘mistake’s and ‘m thinkin’ we ain’t on the same page here.”
“I’m owning up to it.” she tried to clarify. He narrowed his eyes and kept looking at her. “I don’t know how much clearer I can be, I’m saying you’re not obligated to be involved.”
This seemed to only confuse him further. “With my own child!?”
She clicked her tongue and looked away.
“Savigne, I can see yer…wrestlin’ with somethin’. Reckon you gonna tell me what it is when yer ready. But ‘m gettin’ the sense you tryin’ to show me the way out and all due respect, yer wastin’ yer time. I ain’t walkin’ away. Not from you and not from my child.”
She crossed her arms, defensive. “I wouldn’t call it ‘walking away’…”
“Walkin’ away, flyin’ away, crawlin’ away, whatever.”
“…let me finish! I wouldn’t call it that if I’m the one giving you an out.”
“Thanks,” was his sarcastic retort. “But ‘m good.”
“I’m simply saying-”
“Think I got the gist,” he huffed, downright insulted now.
“Listen you pufferfish…”
“No.” he cut her off and rolled his shoulders. “Yer mad if you think I want that.” Then he paused, contemplative. “Come to think on it, explains some things these past months, so there’s that.”
“What explains what?”
“The grub. Explains why yer thinkin’ all wrong.”
“Excuse me?!” Now she was the offended party.
“Y’aint thinkin’ straight,” he explained patiently. “That’s fine, but the answer is still no.”
“I haven’t gone soft in the head! ” she balked. He gave her a highly doubtful look. “I’m trying to say that what matters to me is the why. Like why you want to be involved.”
“The hell ya mean why? We made a pact, you and I. You asked and I accepted.”
“That was ages ago,” Savigne huffed.
“Was just months ago,” was his dry response.
“So? Things change.”
“What changed?”
“Are you serious right now, Arthur?”
“Dead serious,” he turned to her, eyes hard. “Said we was gonna be family. What changed?”
She sighed and looked away. Arthur had a direct, simple way of looking at things and but that's not how her own mind worked at all. Obviously a great number of things had happened since that talk, dozens of things had changed. In his mind, the journey was still the same; they had taken a detour, but were ultimately heading to the same destination. For her, the experiences they had on that detour had fundamentally changed the travelers, and as a consequence, had also changed the entire journey, so why shouldn’t the destination have changed, too?
“It’s okay to reassess.” she tried again. “Just because we said something ages ago…”
“Months.”
“...months ago, doesn’t mean we have to…”
“Y’askin’ me if I changed my mind?” he grew impatient.
“Yeah?”
“No.”
“Just know that if you did, that would be okay.”
“Thanks. Still no.”
“Can you at least take some time to think about it?”
“Also no,” he rolled his shoulders, clearly irritated but trying to keep a lid on it. “Anythin’ else?”
She ground her teeth, annoyed by his obtuseness. Oh, nothing, she thought. I just don't want you to resent me and become your next obligation, that's about it.
“You know what?" she flustered, "Yes! Actually I do have another question that I have been turning in my head for a while now.”
They entered Saint Denis and he turned the cart down the avenue that lead to the steakhouse. “Can’t wait,” he sighed.
“If you knew before, would you still have gone to rob that bank?”
“No.”
She pursed her lips and did a slow nod, digesting this. “Interesting.”
He gave her a suspicious side eye as he navigated the cart through the crowded streets. “How so?”
She shrugged. “You’re basically saying leaving me was fine. But leaving me with your child - that you regret.”
There was an uneasy pause. “Listen here, that ain’t what ‘m sayin’.”
“What then?” she tented her fingers on her lap.
He cleared his throat and ran a palm over his beard. “Wouldn’ have left ya to deal with it alone,” he said carefully, stealing glances at her face.
She hummed in understanding and bowed her lips, eyes streaking the sky. “But it was okay to leave me alone with loss and grief. That was perfectly fine.”
“Woman…” he growled from under his eyebrows, “…wasn’ fine. None of it was fine.”
She watched him, eyes growing harder by the minute. He muttered under his breath and shifted in his seat and seemed downright relieved when the steakhouse appeared around the corner. He pulled the cart to a stop and jumped to come around. To his frustration, she climbed down without waiting for him. She fished for the ring in her satchel and put it on her finger.
“The hell is that?”
“It’s nothing,” she said dismissively.
He snatched her hand and took a closer look. His eyes flicked up to her, hard. “Whose ring is this?”
“Sadie gave it to me,” she jerked her hand back. “I need it for work.”
He looked chastised at that and shifted on his feet for an awkward moment as they stood facing each other like two porcupines.
“What time ya done?” he asked softer, fingers brushing her hand.
“Today, quarter to five,” she mumbled, still a little worked up. She was surprised when he leaned in, slow as a glacier and and placed a long kiss on her cheek, then another before he withdrew. The flutter from earlier reignited in her gut. Going by the way he was staring at her, she was certain that they would have had a very different reunification if not for the constant crowd around them, both back at camp and here in the city. If she gave him half a chance, he was going to pounce on her and despite the vestiges of her anger, she was severely tempted to do just that.
She squirmed a little under his gaze before she nodded and walked around him. A few steps later she turned and came back, fisting her skirts. “I’m getting off at quarter to five but you have to come later. Because I have a doctor’s appointment.”
He straightened at that and the smile on his lips fell away. He tried for a casual tone but the tension in his voice was obvious when he asked “There a problem?”
“No,” she stuffed her hands into the pockets of her skirt. “Just a weekly appointment. It’s apparently a little…underdeveloped.”
His jaw muscles worked a bit. That propensity for self flagellation she had tried to avoid this morning crossed his face before he nodded. “Okay. ‘M comin’ with.”
“That's not necessary."
“Gonna be here quarter to,” was his firm response as he rubbed Cricket’s neck, watching her. The stubborn look in his eyes said ‘I can do this all day’.
She nodded and turned around, took a few steps, then came back again:
“I’m only saying-”
“You sayin’ lotta interestin’ shit today. Except why you sayin’ this shit.” He sighed as he pushed down his irritation and walked up to her. “Savigne, ‘m thinkin’ we should make a deal.”
“What kind of deal?”
“Past is done. But here on forward, no more secrets. No lies. I know you got somethin’ turnin’ in yer head…” she opened her mouth but his palms went up. “…it’s fine if ya need time. But when ya say it, say it as it is.”
She contemplated this. “How much time?”
He clicked his tongue and looked away.
“Like, are you going to say that and then pester me every day or…?”
“Ya know what?” he surged, “I will! There: Honest. No lies.”
She burst into laughter and he grinned a moment later, softened by her amusement.
“Gonna be here quarter to,” he assured her.
"Okay," she resigned. There was no getting rid of him, he was going to be a tick. “Just don’t be insufferable.”
“Don’ be difficult then,” he countered with a smile.
John was on watch duty, sitting in the mud and battling mosquitoes when he heard the cart draw closer. He popped out carefully and saw Arthur come around the bend and straightened. The cart stopped and a head was motioned for him to climb up so he did as told. Yesterday Arthur had been over the moon. Today he was back to scowling. That's just the way that went. The horses were urged to move on but slower and he settled in, giving the other man furtive glances to see where his head was. They had done their usual greeting grunts this morning, but this was the first time they were alone.
"You drop Savigne?" he asked just to make conversation.
A grunt of affirmation. Then: "Speakin' of...you did good." The blue eyes fixed him. "Thank you."
This caught him off guard and he shifted around a bit, patting himself for his cigarettes to buy time. Wasn't every day Arthur thanked him and meant it and lately these been piling up, so it took some adjusting. "Said I would," he managed as he offered the other man a cigarette and lighted it for him.
"Did better than me, that a fact," was the follow up.
"Don' know 'bout that," he shrugged. The claw marks grew prominent when his face reddened. "Did a little. Not much." An awkward silence settled between them as neither knew what to do with themselves or each other when they weren't trading barbs.
"John," Arthur said as he blew out smoke, "I mean to have a talk with the rest of’em. Where ya standin' in all this?"
"Me?" was the surprised question as if there was another John sitting with them on the cart. "Standin' with what?"
"Gang, you fool! You thinkin' on leavin' yet?” So it was happening. Despite knowing it for a long while, despite preparing the damn cabin with his own hands, he was still surprised but to be fair: he shouldn’t be. The thing with Arthur was, he tackled things the same way he ate: a bit too fast and zealous. He was back just a day and things not sitting where he liked them, he was gonna push them about to make them orderly again the way Abigail upended the tent when she did deep cleaning.
"Don' like how things stand," was his careful answer as he smoked on.
Arthur took a frustrated breath. "Marston," was the growl. "What you wanna damn do? Ya got a clue on that at least?"
He sniffed and brushed his sleeve across his nose. "Don' wanna go back to prison, tell ya that," he shrugged. "Follows that maybe don' wanna go do shit that gonna cause that."
The blue eyes narrowed and Arthur looked at him like he was an idiot. "And?"
"And so...Abigail wanna leave. Tried it my way for long time. 'M thinkin' maybe we try her way now."
"This like diggin’ to find a damn bullet," was the low muttering. Then louder: "So you wanna leave, that it?"
"Well I say that, you gonna beat m'head in, so I ain't sayin' it."
Arthur clicked his tongue with frustration. "Ain’t so sure you got a head to beat in! Why’d I be cross if ‘m leavin', too?”
"Still ain't sayin' it," was John's sullen mumble. That was his petty way of rubbing the past into Arthur’s face and he was sticking to it.
He tensed when Arthur looked at him like he meant to slap some sense into him, but then the bigger man rolled his shoulders, took a deep breath and tried again, calmer: “What was you gonna do if I was gone?”
“Was gonna stay with Savigne. Till spring.”
A slow nod, eyes ahead. “So why not do that?”
John blinked. “You leavin’ Savigne or somethin’?”
A snort of disbelief and a deft shake of the head. A long moment later, when he spoke, Arthur’s voice was as patient as if he was talking to Jack: “Course not. ‘M askin’ if you wanna come with.”
Instead of lifting, his confusion deepened. “Come to stay with you?” he asked, incredulous, and watched Arthur's profile nod. By the time he managed to process it, they had arrived in camp. Arthur stopped the horses and turned to him.
“Close that mouth and answer, you fool.”
“Why?” was all he managed to eek out.
The eyes locked to his. “Ain’t you my brother?”
John felt the cigarette burn his fingers and flung it away and sat there for a minute, inspecting his dirty nails. He looked up to meet that blue gaze, then away, then back again. His heart did something funny and he ran his tongue over his lips. “Sure,” he whispered a while later.
Arthur looked at him a long time. Then a meaty hand gripped his shoulder. “You with me?” was the soft question.
“Yeah okay,” he sniffed and nodded, straightening a little. “'M with you.”
Arthur fixed him with his gaze a moment longer, then grunted in approval. The hand on his shoulder lifted to give him a gentle smack. "Okay, Marston. Let's go have us a talk."
When he followed Arthur into the cabin, Dutch was wrapping up yet another retelling of the story of Guarma to the huddled group and he was glad he had missed it. He had heard it a few times by now and the way Dutch told it, sounded like it was the greatest adventure and John had “opted out” by “idling” in prison. He understood why Dutch was frosty with Arthur, but what he struggled with was why Dutch was frosty with him, too. He had done as told, didn't he? He always did as told. And yet you would think he had walked up to them Pinkertons, stuck his wrists out and asked to be taken away. Because everyone knew prison was where it was at! He sniffed and looked away.
The gang looked miserable, a far cry from their glory days, or even their days from months prior. But there was no denying that Dutch had managed to breathe some fire into them since he had arrived. That what made him special - talking people into shit they couldn't talk themselves into. And he had only gotten better with time. Sadie was leaning against a wall and he noticed the sly look that passed between her and Arthur. A mug of coffee was pushed into his hand and another into Arthur’s. Dutch finished the tale that grew longer with each telling by how thankful the freed slaves were and how their new friends had hugged them in tears and swore undying allegiance to their cause before they waved them off. Judging by Arthur’s face, that’s not how things happened at all, but Dutch knew how to tell a story and Arthur didn’t, so his version was what counted.
"So what now, Dutch?" Grimshaw crossed her arms. "I think I speak for all of us when I say, we're sick of the Bayou."
Dutch chuckled and leaned back in his chair, spreading his legs. Behind him, Molly stepped up to knead his shoulders.
"I know things don't look good right now..." he started and John took a deep breath, knowing the sermon that would follow. Was always the same. 'Gotta be strong…’ yada yada, 'stick together…' yada yada, 'we're almost there…'
But today it didn't get to start at all because Arthur spoke up beside him:
"Charles tellin' me Pinkertons think we dead."
“The captain snitched you out," Charles confirmed quietly in the interim gap of silence. "They knew you were on that ship. When it sank, you were all assumed dead. By the law and us, both.”
“Excellent,” Dutch mused. “Our luck is finally turning. It’ll give us time to recuperate.”
There was a moment of silence, then Arthur placed his coffee mug on a crate. “I say this is our chance.”
“For what?” asked Bill.
“To disappear.” A few heads turned to him but it was only Dutch he cared about as he slung his hands over his gun belt and squared his feet.
There was an unusually long silence. “I heard congratulations are in order, son," the leader offered finally. "I'm very happy for you." He leaned his elbows on his knees and gave Arthur a thoughtful look. "I hope you’re convincing her to stay with us.”
“I ain’t,” was the flat answer.
Dutch’s eyebrows rose. “It’s a brutal world out there. You of all people can attest to this.”
John balked at the insinuation, but Arthur must have expected the past to be dug up and thrown in his face because he merely blinked:
“Sure, Dutch. I can attest. But y’aint gotta worry on that front.”
Even though John would have bet his left arm that he had most certainly meant Eliza and Isaac, Dutch's hands flew up in innocence: "I’m sorry. I can see how that could be taken out of context. I'm merely saying we're safer together. An inarguable fact.”
“She don’ need to move to Tahiti to be safe. She safe where I am.” Whether this was a mere fact or Arthur was implying that he didn’t consider Dutch’s leadership necessarily safe was open to interpretation.
“Tahiti is off the list,” the other man soothed. “I have come to a better idea: we can - all of us! - discuss our next move together. There’s states we’ve never been to, where they don’t know us. Big cities we can disappear in. There’s Canada…”
“Well whaddyaknow! Democracy!” Karen chortled.
“Sounds nice,” Arthur said, fixing Dutch with his gaze, then shifting his eyes around the rest. “You all know I ain’t the chatty sort, so ‘m gonna be short: ‘m out.”
Whispers slithered around the cabin and feet were shifted. Arthur was a staple in the gang, and now that Hosea was gone, the oldest member here except for Dutch. Every person in this room had joined after; his presence was a given and his loyalty unquestionable. And even though John knew it was all bullshit, absolutely knew Dutch would never share power, the argument was compelling and had won over some folks. In light of that, Arthur’s rejection looked immature.
“Even if we all have a say? Including you?” Ms. Grimshaw asked Arthur, a little miffed. If you asked John, that was her weak spot for Dutch showing.
“Even so,” was the flat response.
“Is there nothing that can change your mind, Mister Morgan?” Strauss chimed in.
“No.”
Tilly decided they were all doing it wrong: “Dutch has a point, there’s safety in numbers, Arthur. You can convince her if you tried. I can tell she’s not comfortable now in the middle of camp, but if it was like before…”
“And next time camp is shot up? Or should she wait until her kid is kidnapped?” Abigail snapped at her, pressing Jack’s head against her hip.
“That will never happen again!” Dutch protested.
“Why not?” Karen laughed.
“Think you’re drunk, sweetheart,” Javier grinned at her playfully.
“She speaks sense to me,” Abigail huffed.
Several people started to talk over each other and Dutch rose to his feet as if to placate children.
“Think yer all confused,” Arthur’s voice rose and the bickering died down. “I ain’t askin’. I’m saying. ‘M out.”
A “why” was lobed from somewhere.
“Cause this ain’t the life I see fit for my woman and child.”
A spark lighted up in Dutch’s eyes. “This life? What life is that?” He straightened and looked around the room and swung out his arms, turning back at Arthur. “Please! Indulge us! Tell us what’s wrong with us.”
Arthur was unabashed: “Tell ya what’s wrong: we thieves, killers and ghosts, that’s what. Startin’ with me.” John watched the hurt and displeasure travel around the occupants. Funny how they was all proud of it when they was sitting around a campfire, bragging about the folks they swindled or robbed that day, but grew bristly when someone called them as they was. “This country changin’,” he continued, “It don’ want us no more. Our time has passed. Used to be, you wanted out, you just walk over next town, change yer name and story, nobody knew different. That gettin’ harder every year. We gonna get out, we better get the last train leavin’ and ‘m telling ya, this here that train.”
“Thieves and ghosts, is that what we are to you?” Dutch smarted. “Sounds like you forgot the muck I plucked you out of.”
Arthur took a deep breath and locked eyes with him. “Ain’t forgotten,” he said quietly. “You and Hosea gave me better than I had, like a true father should. So now…” he squared his shoulders, “…now I gotta do the same.”
John could tell this disarmed Dutch for a moment and turned him into something quite rare for him: speechless. But then, when the tone in the room shifted to sympathy for Arthur, he sensed it and grew defensive again:
“Out?” he snorted. “There is no out! They’ll come after us one by one if we break up. You’ll doom us all!”
“They think we dead, we keep our head down, no reason to come after us. We got a chance. Could be our last one.”
“Arthur has a point,” Charles said quietly and seemed unfazed when Dutch’s eyes shifted to him. “I appreciate all you did for me, Dutch. But I've been talking to the Wapiti, they asked for my help. I’d like to do that if we can tie things up here.”
“How quaint,” Dutch smirked and fumbled for a cigar. "You too, Charles? It’s starting to look like an ambush.”
"Thought you wan’ed to hear opinions, ain’t you just said that?” Sadie piped up.
"Mrs. Adler," was the leader's drawl over his shoulder. "I didn’t even get a chance to thank you for what you did, and here you are agreeing with this foolishness!”
She bounced off the wall and strolled around him to stand next to Arthur. John watched eyes flick up to her as she passed. These past five weeks Sadie had gained a lot of trust and respect with the gang and it showed. "Makes sense to me, Dutch. They been chasin' us long time. Got us a little breather. Anyone gonna get out, now's the time."
"Does that include you?"
She shrugged casually. "Did my dues. Moved us here. Broke out John. I like you all, but wouldn' mind ridin' round solo for a bit." Her eyes flitted to Charles and back. "Or duo."
Dutch looked from Charles to Sadie to Arthur and back. The rest of the gang grew quiet and sullen, surprised by the number of dissenters. "Wish you would reconsider. We get us one last big job and we're all, all of us, set."
Sadie looked back, unfazed. “We do that, them Pinkertons gonna start chasin' again and this time they ain't gonna stop. We go quiet now, we don' gotta look over our shoulder for a good while."
“John?” Dutch barked, eyes still on Arthur.
“John’s out, too,” Arthur said and took a small step in front of him as if he meant to shield him. It spurred memories in his head. Often Arthur used to do this when, a lifetime ago, they was in town and sparring was about to go from words to fists. A funny little thing he had completely forgotten, but remembered now.
“He can’t talk for himself?”
John cleared his throat and stepped up, playing with his mug. “You know this is my home, Dutch…”
“But?”
“But I got a woman and a son to think of, too. What happened with Jack...”
“We got Jack back!” Dutch hissed. “Us. We. Me! I was right there with you!”
“True, ain’t sayin’ you wasn’. And I’m grateful. But…way I see it…wouldn’ need to get him back if he wasn’ taken.”
He couldn’t hold the heat in Dutch’s gaze, but when he shifted his eyes they locked with Abigail’s and she nodded to him. John straightened a little, encouraged. “I broke outta prison. Think I should lie low for a bit.”
“With what money?” Bill snorted.
“We got money,” Arthur said, looking at Dutch again. “I say we share what we got and go our ways.”
The subject of money invigorated the gang like a dinner bell. Murmurs of “true” and “that’s right” and “I’d forgotten about that” slalomed around the room. They had been living humble for so long now, the notion of having money in their pockets again excited everyone.
“Well if Tahiti isn’t happening…” Pearson mumbled.
“How much money we talking about?” asked Karen.
“Dutch?” Arthur asked and all eyes turned to the leader.
Dutch’s jaws clenched as he rolled the cigar between his fingers.
Even Bill was tempted. “Must be…” he cleared his throat, “…a tidy sum by now. Lost some folks, too, so…bigger shares.”
“The money is nothing!” Dutch barked. “It won’t be enough to do anything for any of you!”
“How much?” Arthur said coolly. When Dutch didn’t answer, he pushed: “Gotta be at least thirty, forty grand.”
“That’s…a lot,” Mary Beth said, surprised.
“We divide that equally…” bounced around, and “that much?!”, and “I would take a longass bath first”, and “It’s ours, why not divide it anyway?”, and “Finally! Payout!”.
“You’re not seeing the bigger picture!” Dutch’s voice rose.
“…and then there’s Blackwater money,” Arthur continued. This stilled everyone. “That a lot more.”
“We can’t get that money,” Dutch waived dismissively as he sucked on his cigar.
“They don’ know Ms. Adler around there.” He looked at Sadie. “I trust her.” His eyes traveled around the room. “Think we all do.”
Murmurs of affirmation rolled like waves. John watched Dutch’s face tighten and wondered something that had never occurred to him before: did Dutch ever really mean to share that money? The older man’s eyes deftly flitted about like an animal backed into a corner.
“Is this why you killed Micah?” Dutch growled and a startled silence ensued. All eyes turned to Arthur. Even John couldn’t help his own head turning. The story was that Micah had died in the gunfight, this was new. “Be honest, son,” was the ask, half amicable, half accusatory.
John had observed Arthur’s journey of change a while now. But never had it been as obvious as it was in that moment. He wasn’t thrown off guard or hurt or offended or angry. There was a confidence to him of a different sort as he stood here in front of Dutch not like a right hand man, but his own man. He ran his tongue over his teeth and narrowed his eyes at the older man as if was taking the measure of his paranoia. “I can see where yer head goes, Dutch,” he sighed. “But truth is, Micah killed Micah.”
“Seems to me you benefited a great deal,” Dutch pressed. It was obvious that he had been stewing on this matter for a while now and also obvious that he missed Micah’s voice in face of this rebellion.
“Sure,” was the drawl of an answer. Unapologetically smug. Proud. “Whole damn world benefited.”
A few snickers and chuckles flitted around the room like bats. Dutch chased them with his eyes, growing tenser. Unfortunately for him, nobody had liked Micah and sympathy for him was in short order. Bill and Javier glanced at each other and then away. John got the sense that they agreed with Dutch, but read the room better than him and decided not to chip in.
“He was one of us!” Dutch whirled around, his voice accusatory. Everyone shrunk away from that anger, but if he sought to find support for his argument, he found none.
“Was never one of us,” Arthur drawled, hanging his hands over his gun belt again, his confidence rising with the gang’s lack of qualms. He seemed happy to see Dutch die on this stupid hill. Alone. “Leavin’ his share to the rest of us here best thing that man ever did.”
The chuckles were louder this time and even Bill and Javier grinned despite themselves. Dutch glared hard at a smiling Molly and John felt bad for how her face fell. The mood that had started off sullen and tense had become light and celebratory with all the talk about money, and there was no changing it back. Arthur took full advantage of that when he spoke up:
“‘M out.” He glanced at Charles, Sadie and John, then looked around the room, ignoring Dutch. “Think you should each sit and think on what ya want. You wanna stay, yer call. Wanna pool yer money and go to Tahiti? Yer call.”
“Not much of a call,” was Strauss’ objection, “If our best men and women are dropping out. Is it, Mister Morgan?”
Arthur shrugged at him. “Everythin’s eventual, Herr Strauss. Ain’t that so?”
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