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oexen · 3 years

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Do you have any Valdemar headcanons you'd be willing to share? ^^

OF COURSE I DO thank u for asking anon, i ended up writing a bunch of stuff wehehe i hope u enjoy

Fluff

• I love to think that they have a secret penchant for cute tiny things, and I do mean things that are widely publicly accepted as cute and it would be super embarrassing if anyone found out. No one can ever know.

• They carry fantasy HotHands ™ in their pocket. :^)

• They’d get offended if you accused them of committing some atrocity or crime, but not for the right reasons. How dare you insinuate they’re a filthy pleb, obviously they’re above that, Fool.

• They really try to be funny, even if subconsciously. (Dr. 069 in the house, calling MC a Fool haw haw, oh woops, looks like I have interrupted your Romantic Endeavors :3c, how do you do fellow humans) One of these days someone will laugh at their dry ass non-jokes, right? Right???

• If they really wanted to they could whip out their tentacles to do menial tasks but it’s more fun to watch other more perishable beings try hard to do things for them

• Duck whisperer, no one knows why. Quackstor

• They never put anything extra in their tea.

• I think they’re generally very clean, and they’d smell like clean laundry or nothing. Alcohol would dry their shit all the way out, and it’s pretty difficult to keep yourself clean when you wear all white all the time, so I don’t think they’d smell like death, decay, chemicals, the dungeon, etc. They’re completely swaddled and must look ✨ crisp ✨. Their eldritch spaghetti form would have to smell like nothing or it would have an aoe instadeath radius for sure.

• Theatre kid. Horse kid. Where are their horse demon characteristics smh

• As much as they’re ~above humans~ they’re still thirsty for juicy drama and will use themself to that end. They’re more there for the drama than they’re an active threat unless they’re ordered to do things, but they’ve still shown they won’t follow orders to the letter unless they personally want to.

• They hate all the paperwork they’re stuck with :3

Angst under the cut!

• They’re touch-starved. Getting physically close to MC is a 2 birds 1 stone situation, they get to scare the pants off them (oops ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )and they microdose intimacy.

• I like thinking about how Valdemar’s emotions, especially their love of discovery, were torn away from them over the course of their deal-making, so they’re now obsessed with science and research in the same way that Volta’s obsessed with food, they can’t stop pursuing it, they know they’re supposed to like it, but they can’t really taste the fruits of their or anybody else’s labor :’^) Their insistance that they ~love~ death and decay is a cover story, mostly. The sentiment used to have meaning.

• They could, once again, whip out their tentacles at any point when they’re alone in the dungeon all the time, but they try to remember what it is to feel like a person sometimes. They know no one’s coming down there anymore, and they’d save themself some trouble if they casually used demon powers, but they don’t. It’s weirdly vulnerable.

• Kinda fluff, kinda angst, Valdemar likes tea and the feeling of a warm drink is supposed to make people happier/friendlier as well as it simulates human touch, and I feel like they use that to feel something (like the ghost of a warm fuzzy feeling B’^) ) considering it’s something small and frivolous they go out of their way to enjoy. If you hold their hands they don’t feel the need to make tea as often ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) They cling to the last shreds of their humanity with everything they have or they wouldn’t be able to function properly.

• Underneath all their posturing and effortless intimidation, they know they fucked it all up big time, but they’ve at least convinced themself that they’ve accepted it. They’re stuck, bored as hell, and know they can’t reverse anything, so why bother entertaining the thought of regret? I think MC noting that Valdemar couldn’t have made certain expressions Muriel did speaks to that they only allow themself a small range of emotions.

• Their relationship with Death really closely mirrored Nadia’s relationship with the High Priestess, when they were human. They didn’t have a strong support network though, and thus were more inclined to accept deals from the Devil. Death might have taught them a lot, and Valdemar at least acts as if death and its processes are all they care for; they don’t have much else. I think they say a lot of things to convince themself that whatever they’ve done isn’t fucked up beyond all reason (ends justify the means wink wonk), as much as it also works as a facade.

• They started with good intentions, they wanted to discover things and help people, if they were that ancient alchemist, something made them desperate. They went too deep in the Devil’s bogo deal special, Death’s disappointment felt like a betrayal (Don’t you think I should help more people? Why are you so against my success?) and Death’s pain may not have occurred to them.

• The breakdown of Valdemar’s relationship with Death must have been long and painful on both sides at some point, but by the time Death was weakened like the Hierophant in Nadia’s route, Valdemar had their own blinders on🐴 and/ or was too deep in the Devil’s thrall to acknowledge what it really meant.

• They had a need for power and control over their life and ended up giving up what little they really had for illusions of these things, and once they realized that’s what was happening, it was far too late. Can’t half-ass it though I guess lol they said crank that shit up to 11. Then they just ended up with all the paperwork lmfao

Misc

• They helped create an entire society that at some point was even advanced and prosperous, and while they say they love to see it fall, it also means it’s in their best interest to help in bringing it up. They also would rather be employed than not, and love having opportunities to reject invitations to meetings and other things.

#valdemar #quaestor valdemar #the arcana courtiers #the arcana game #the arcana headcanons #anon #bees answers #enjoy.... or don’t :^)#long post #soz #bees hcs

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mabel-loves-aces · 4 years

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I'm trying to explain to my friend that her self worth shouldn't rely on her romantic relationship status, and she keeps saying stuff like 'I just want to be loved, is that too much to ask for?' and 'I'm unloveable' Idk how to explain to her how amatonormative and harmful her thinking is, cause every time I tried she would just brush me off and come back to 'but I want to be in a relationship' idk maybe I just don't get it cause I'm ace/aro? Any help would be awesome!!

Hoo boy, anon. This is the 5 million dollar question isn’t it? I’m aro ace and I still struggle with this mindset a lot.

The primary issue is that no matter what you personally say to your friend, society’s messaging is always going to be louder. And society very clearly sends the message that people’s worth can only be found in relationships. Additionally and even more insidiously, society also loves to tell people that any painful personal issues can potentially be solved by a romantic partner riding in on a white horse.

First and foremost, do not hit her with the “no one will love you if you don’t love yourself first” because that’s also harmful thinking. I think the first thing to say when she gets like that is “well I love you.” And then suggest something fun you can do together (even though that’s hard atm) If she tries to claim that it’s “not the same” try to gently ask her why she values your friendship less than an imaginary partner.

I think the core issue here is that your friend is having self esteem issues so try to hype her up whenever you can. And then find ways to feed her aro perspectives hidden in slices of cheese. Do one or both of you write? Maybe create an aro oc to tell her about.

But most importantly just be there for her. If she’s clinging to this idea as a coping mechanism to get her through something else she might grow out of it. It seems like she’s not in a place to have deep discussions that will enable you to spell out stuff for her, so give her microdoses of it. You love her, she’s awesome, she’s great at x, y, and z, she doesn’t need no partner, and be there for her.

There’s not a single, simple solution and it probably will never go away entirely but hopefully you can help your friend see that she has inherent worth regardless of her relationship status.

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destiniesfic · 2 years

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Hi, hey, henlo! Thank you for indulging my ask game-related curiosity and sorry about the scare, lol. That last glimpse of your creative/writing process was particularly interesting, and it does make a lot of sense - imo the only thing more impressive than your storytelling/plotter skills = your skinchanging magic, applied to characters.

I can't do the headless chicken dance over the update because I'm in "no moving on to the next chapter until you're done commenting on the previous one" jail [does it suck? ...I mean, I feel like a starving, shivering, barefoot 19th century street urchin outside a lively patisserie, pressing her face against the window, so yeah,you could say that, ha. Is it silly? Kinda- but I feel like I'd be taking something away from the entire experience otherwise]. So I thought I'd do something else and try to speculate on what's going down based on the song + edit [because historically, accurately predicting stuff is definitely a thing I do]. Now,the result of that was that a) I got curb-stomped by a bunch of Jinx feelings ["My throat's so fuckin' dry from sayin' sorry/Wake up a different person in the morning/Forget every lesson daddy taught me/I never learn, I just make it worse" + "Oh no, should've stayed home" 😭 Forget Silco, *I*'ll fight everyone,real or not,for her, SHE'S JUST A BAB I E ;A;] + got curb-stomped again when a few of their buddies joined in: more specifically, the idea that she might lose Vi sooner rather than later, that all that "red on red on red on red" vortex might swallow her whole- maybe temporarily, maybe not. Can't imagine how that would come about, and what [if any] part Jinx's mysterious visitor [the Top Shark-wannabe?] might have to play in it, but yeah. I'm just microdosing on whatever I can at this point [ also thinking about that sheet of paper in Silco's pocket + Jinx's "Who?Viktor?Oh,Viktor" is still periodically echoing in my mind]

Thank you so much for answering the rest of my 579 asks, too. I'm on the last leg of this whole thing [went to my first Con today], but I can't wait to sit down and throw more unhinged energy your way.

[Also!! Book recs!!🥺 I love book recs, thank you times infinity! +To be continued]

Always, Playlist Anon! (Although I know do, in fact, know your name now. You keep commenting on anon though, would you like to remain Playlist Anon?) No worries on the ask scare, and I'm glad that you seem to be having a good time on your travels. First con is so exciting, I hope you wore shoes that were good for walking in. That's my number one con tip. 😊

I hope you enjoy the book recs! It's a weird pairing of recs for sure, but at the very least you should have fun with Six of Crows.

And I'm happy to have all the speculation on record, but you know I can't say anything without spoiling you. I can absolve you from your comment duties, though? If that helps? You could read the chapter then? (As a side note: I'm interested that you came away with mainly Jinx feelings, which is completely understandable, but didn't mention that some of the song lyrics might also apply to Caitlyn, who canonically drank too much and made a fool of herself last night.)

Thanks for the ask, I always enjoy them very very much. Hope you're well!

#playlist anon #anonymous #ask

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scorpioslut-blog1 · 5 years

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I want to produce

I want to produce art and create and draw and paint and build. I want things to be meaningful and thoughtful. I want to write and consider and analyze and deconstruct and think. I’m a thinker. I’m learning to like thinking, enjoying it, especially on drugs. I used to be so afraid of thinking, afraid of what I would think about, afraid of my mind, myself. I’m still afraid, and I wonder about that fear, whether it’s always been there or if it’s come back, like now i’m less afraid of death, but still, yesterday or the day before or whenever I was afraid to go in the cave at Sutro Baths, even though I’ve been in there before, but I know I was sort of scared then. But I don’t know if it’s empowering to know you’re scared and not do things because of peer pressure, or when I should just stop being a little bitch and just do shit. like at flog gnaw i didnt wanna do the boat ride, even though i've done those a thousand times, but not in a while not since before i became an Adult. i thought maybe it was empowering for me to know what i want to do and when, or what i dont want to do... but i did the ride and it was pretty petrifying because i hate the feeling of my stomach sinking but it was also sort of fun and me and bree were just holding on to each other screaming, and while i scream because i felt like i was dying, it does in theory feel good to scream. or to feel petrified. i dont know. but i'm glad i did it, so it makes me think of all the times i did things i didnt want to do. a lot i regret, like sexual experiences for experience, but then things i was nervous about and really enjoyed, like when i did acid that one time or microdosed on shrooms. but even flog gnaw, i didnt wanna go and i went for frank ocean and he didnt come, and i had a great time but also the whole thing wasnt like amazing or anything, it was definitely an experience though. and the most big group socializing i've done in months, to be honest. since my birthday maybe? which was a little more lonely than usual, which isnt a bad thing. but i did ecstasy right before fr(drake)nk came out and i was sooo glad, mostly because i've been having bad rolls for a while now, since august at special dinner, which is about as long as i've been sad in this way i think. when i started hating my body and it really started failing me and my relationships went to shit and i started trying to work through shit. which is obviously painful. but i dont know. again, this self enforced punishment or growth or isolation or prison sentence (dramatic and not comparable), i'm trying to learn something from this, i know its cyclical, my life that is, but i just want to be better. i want to be normal. i want to belong to myself. i want to know what i need and what i want and how to do that, or i wish that the things i wanted were good for me, but none of it is. i want to party and have fun and do drugs and eat good food and have lots of sex and watch tv and movies. i want my life to be a movie, but i'm learning for the first time in my life, or what feels like my second or hundredth life, that life is not supposed to be a movie. i'm not special. i mean i am, but again, life is not a movie. life is normal and i should be able to bask in the normality of it all, cherish it, which makes me think i'm depressed or bipolar or adhd or ungrateful or lazy or selfish or spoiled or entitled. i want normal. i want stability and routine and to wake up before noon and eat breakfast and shower and do my makeup and pick an outfit to wear, maybe do my hair, i want to do these things without feeling rushed, i want to enjoy doing these things. i want to not need to rush, i dont want to be living in apocalypse mode all the time, or high gear, or live fast die young, or carpe diem. thats one thing i'm also working on. not synonymizing carpe deiming with being self destructive or irresponsible. knowing that to appreciate life you dont have to live every day like its your last. but then i think that that method of life has also served me well; life is fleeting as i know! but i dont know. i'm trying to not rush things. not rush growing up or rushing to that next hit of dopamine or excitement or even recklessness. i know i'm destructive. but i dont want to destruct myself like this, hurt myself, because thats how the cycle perpetuates, how it feeds on itself. i feed it, i dont plan for my future self, i dont even think about the future, i'm living day to day which in some ways is enough but i want to change. i want to have enough faith and contentment to be able to wait for tomorrow, or the next day. i want to appreciate every day for what it is, appreciate myself, being alone, making myself a meal, cleaning my room, sewing a button onto my pants, doing my laundry. i dont want to just go through the motions, i want to be proud of the motions. i think if i keep going through the motions eventually theyll come a little more naturally or maybe even start to feel good. it does feel good to put clothes away or come home to a clean room or wake up not feeling sick to my stomach. but then it feels so good to lie in my bed and watch desperate housewives all day long and ignore my problems or responsibilities and eat goldfish high even though i know itll make me feel like shit in the morning. and thats why night life has been so great, yet awful, why i love it, i love dancing and making friends and being drunk and having fun and being young and living every day/night to the fullest. i’m trying to be a homebody i guess, for the sake of my health amongst other things, but instead i'm in this weird limbo, at this impasse where i'm neither being a productive morning/day person who does all the things i need to do, nor being a fun party girl who is always thinking about the next function and drugs and partying and fucking and all these human connections that i enjoy so much. nowadays i feel like i rarely even have any connections. i go days without talking to anyone besides my room mate sometimes, which is okay. thats another thing i'm trying to do, be kind to myself, not see every day as a failure or a success or even an attempt. i guess the attempt days are good though, like today, a failure but an attempt and perhaps even a half success sometimes. i want to be successful, i want to be functional. i want to do more harm than good, i want to enrich and spread joy the way i used to, but i want to protect myself. i dont want to give all of myself away, but now i'm being selfish and keeping to myself but i dont even know if i like myself. moments like right now i like myself, but i miss having friends and communities i guess. i also dont appreciate not meaningful conversations or interactions, i dont like anyone, which is toxic i know. i know i shouldnt not like people but when i'm talking to someone and i dont want to be talking to someone it feels so forced and uncomfortable and i’d rather be at home by myself, which i cant tell is good or bad, although i shouldnt be labeling things as “good” or “bad”. after sutro baths we went to kahlils friends for a little, and being around those people was weird. weird being around guys. i dont like mikey, hes annoying and thirsty but it was nice just being around guys and watching stupid stuff and smoking spliffs. and tylers cool to be around, and this other dude who i sort of know but dont like, so basically i'm around all these dudes i dont really like, socializing and trying to be social and chill and fun, which is just uncomfortable and feels performative. it was nice just watching stupid tv with them though, but i dont know, being around people is so weird to me now. i went to hang at a frat the night before i left for thanksgiving break and it was fun, being around people, letting myself be entertained instead of being the entertainee, existing just to exist and not for others or feeling like i have to be in a social mood or up all the time. but also not feeling the compulsion to drink during social situations i'm not enjoying. i'm trying to enjoy social situations without alcohol. well, i dont really have a choice, considering my health. i just dont want to be around anyone anymore i feel like... i dont feel like i can talk to people the way i want to, about real shit, or all serious and shit. i also feel like people think i'm always fun and funny and goofy and happy all the time but now i'm just such a downer, or a performer, or distant or guarded or exhausted or different. i feel like i'm different when i'm around people, and i wish i werent, i wish i were how i used to be but i'm trying to be different or more honest or less performative? i want to do things because i want to and not do things when i dont want to.

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goingbackthroughthelookingglass · 5 years

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12:00PM - Dose Day

Well. I have to say I’m convinced.

Last night was hard. Not in all of the ways that make things obvious, but rather in the subtle ways that you don’t even know you’re doing/are habits until you’re suddenly without them.

So the microdosing schedule I am on consists of a dose day, an after effects day (the day after), and then a “normal” day, followed by another dose day (today actually). I just took 0.2g of mushrooms (via capsule). This is double what I took Sunday. But before we get into that (and while I wait for my stomach to digest the vegetarian capsules) let me tell you about my night last night.

So last night into today is my “normal” day. This is the day, typically, as you’re finding the right amount for your microdosing, that things should feel normal. The problem was, I wasn’t entirely certain if what I did take was really still affecting me. I woke up, got ready for work, and was productive until 1:30am (when I normally get off the road because of drunks and assholes driving and you just never really know who you’re picking up at that time). My night started out pretty normal; I did hit the snooze a bit, but I got out, deep cleaned my car, and got on the road. Most of the rides were good, and I was able to chit chat easily...but as the night wore on I just found myself...irritated.

Not the last ride before my break, but a few before that I picked up this couple. It was just a couple blocks from my house, and I’m sitting there waiting, and this guy, we’ll call him Jake because I honestly don’t remember his name, comes out and is just like “let me set my drink down.” No big, sure whatever. He walks to the other side of my car, there’s some kind of wait, and then he opens up the passenger door behind me, and is like “I’m just gonna say goodbye really quick” closes the door, and walks back around my car to this dark corner that he came from, that I can’t really see. At this point, I’m feeling irritated and that my time is getting wasted. He finally gets back over, sits behind me, and I put my car into drive to drive off. Suddenly, I get this pounding on the back right door, and this chick is like hitting my car so I stop, and she opens the door and is like “I’m going.”

OK. Whatever. The ride is just to Dirty (a sleezy dance club) that’s maybe 5 minutes away, get in so I can drop you guys off and forget you ever existed. Except I can’t. Because they were horrible. The first 2 minutes was them bickering over this guy named Jason, and who he was to her. (Drama) She then asks if she can smoke in my car, and I say no, so she’s like “Rude.” They then are fighting because she originally wasn’t going to come, but now she is, and he’s pissed for some reason (side-slice maybe??) and honestly they’re disrespectful AF and rude as all shit to each other.

She then makes fun of him for being 30. Fam. I literally thought I was picking up 19 year olds for the way these two fuckers were acting. Needless to say, I drop them off, and 1-star them so I don’t ever have to pick them up again.

NEXT RIDE: I pick up this couple from Scandals (a gay bar). We’ll call the guy Seth, he’s the one that ordered the ride. The two get in my car, and something just reads trans about the woman (tall, deeper voice, but gorgeous af, the guy was meh) so I’m just thinking “aww, cute queer couple.” She wants something to eat before going to Holiday Inn (where I just assume they’re staying). But like...there’s something off about Seth. IDK what it is. But my spider senses are tingling. There happens to be a Jack in the Box across the street from the hotel, but of course I have to go through the drive through because it’s that late. I NEVER do drive through rides. Fucking order UberEats. But I was feeling generous, and the woman and I were chatty so sure, whatever. But on the way there, this guy is like...making these really off color jokes. And not in a good way? Like one of them I’m trying to remember the words, but can’t, but basically it’s him joking that he does it bareback (without a condom). STILL assuming this is just some sweet queer couple, we wait forever in the drive thru line, and he’s still making these jokes...like...it’s when you have that friend that tries to copy your mutual funny friend...but doesn’t quite LAND the joke? So it just feels awkward and a little creepy? He says something about “you better order from the dollar menu” and she’s just like “whatever” and orders what she wants, but makes a comment about how her shoes are $600 and if he doesn’t want to pay for a burrito... That is when I realize she is a sex worker, and they’re going to the hotel...well, I don’t have to finish that sentence. But let me tell you...I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER FUCKING THAT SLEEZE!!! So long as she’s a free agent and sex work is what she wants to do, more power to her, but DAMN. After being in that car with that guy for 10 minutes I NEEDED A SHOWER. Barf.

I gave one more ride before taking my break (uneventful) but like the whole time I’m just...annoyed and irritated. And I have no reason for it. I have snacks, I had a good nap, I’m making bank...but I just can’t shake my mood. I come home, and decide to make some soup and have some rustic bread with it...and then I make the MISTAKE. I convince myself I can just close my eyes for like an hour before being back on the road. WRONG. SO WRONG. Big mistake. Big. I wake up at 6 when I was supposed to be back on the road at 4. And the WHOLE TIME I felt weighted and negative and just exhausted (despite sleeping another 5 hours) and heavy. I didn’t want to do anything, was not motivated, and even procrastinated making this post, even though the last couple days I’ve really enjoyed journaling. My anhedonia was beginning to creep back in.

My morning finished with a phone screening appointment for a therapist that I forgot I had, while I had a woman I had just picked up in the back of my car (her car got a flat) because I couldn’t reschedule. I NEVER take calls when I’m on the road. But...at least the woman found out her driver was not contemplating suicide? Though I’m sure she left with questions about who my abusive ex was, and what family issues I might have (since I mentioned both in the call). OH WELL.

So...rolling back around to the first paragraph in this long post. It made me realize what I was feeling leading up to, and then after my nap is my current “normal.” The easy, breezy covergirl feeling I was having these last two days was the mushrooms. The exhaustion, the lack of motivation, the heaviness in my body...that had been gone for the last couple days allowing me to be more me than I have been in a long time. I was no longer smiling. I didn’t want to talk to people. I just wanted to lie down and do nothing, while the days previously I was writing campaign stuff, cleaning, going about daily tasks as if it cost me no spoons. (if you don’t know about spoon theory, you can find it here)

So, now we’re at 12:24pm. The first dose kicked in about 45 minutes to an hour after taking it. I’ve now doubled my dose from 0.1g to 0.2g. I’m taking the rest of the day off to sit and ponder, but I DO need to go get my breaks done this afternoon.

About the pondering: IDK what you believe or don’t but I do somewhat subscribe into the theory of the Law of Attraction. (That link is to the “documentary” about The Secret.) BUT, I don’t believe that that law is something “mystical” (even though I am, myself, a mystic). Rather, I believe that when you approach things with intention, the outcome is more profound/clear/pronounced because you went in with a goal in mind already. For example: you “attract” more successful people in your life to coach you to become successful not because you thought about it and made it “manifest,” but because you thought about it and looked for the tells of the type of success you wanted to achieve and because that was in the forefront of you mind, you kept your eyes open for those things and recognized when they were in your path. It’s easy to find a bean when you’re looking for a bean.

A lot of the articles and such that I read on microdosing before slowly wading into that pool talked about intent. You can take drugs to feel better, but what really have you learned or what habits have you changed to change your life if you’re not using this opportunity to reflect? The idea behind microdosing is not to take drugs. It’s to use a small amount of a substance that has been known for centuries to heal parts of your brain that’s currently misfiring. I remember what my life was like before I had depression. For a couple days I had glimpses of that back. Microdosing isn’t forever; in fact, most say you should only do it for a month at a time, and many have not had to repeat the dosing, but have shaken their depression (or at least to something highly managable) with only one session (about a month, taking a microdose every 4th day).

So, today while I try this 0.2g (which seems about average for a microdose (they can go between 0.1g - 0.5g) I think that’s what I am going to think on. I know that I want my motivation and creativity back. But what does that look like?

It’s now 12:40PM. I thiiiiiink something is happening, because I’m noticing subtle shifts in light. Nothing crazy, but the blue of my Tumblr dash just looks more...blue-y. More saturated.

If you got this far...I’ll keep you updated.

#Psilocybin Mushrooms #Mental Health #Depression #Anxiety #Microdosing #(Woah the blue post button just got very blue)

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eckshecks · 5 years

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Posted byu/EXHEXBAND Ex Hex6 hours ago ASK EX HEX! AMA is over, thanks Ex Hex!!! Something you wanna know about Ex Hex? Ask us all your burning questions, we're here!

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level 1 art36 5 points · 5 hours ago Since burning questions are on the table, how many BIC lighters have you lost in your lifetime?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 7 points · 5 hours ago None, I still have all of my bic lighters in a drawer -LH

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level 3 art36 3 points · 4 hours ago Champ 🏆

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level 1 Duckbreather 1 point · 5 hours ago What are your fave rock bios? Any new fx on this new album/tour? What’s the story of the amazing sleeve design?

Thank you! X

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 5 hours ago "Please Kill Me", "Fast Ride Out of Here" by Pete Way, "Here, There, and Everywhere : My Life Reording the Music of The Beatles" bu Geoff Emerick, "I Brought Down The MC5" by Michael Davis....-LH

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level 1 Endwithand 1 point · 5 hours ago How real is the new album?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 5 points · 4 hours ago Well, it seems so real I can see it And it seems so real I can feel it And it seems so real I can taste it And it seems so real I can hear it

Buzcocks RIP PS. xo MT

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level 1 fallingdowndown 1 point · 5 hours ago What was your favorite quote song lyrics back then when you started making music and today? - Ciao!

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago How about that song "Donuts make my Brown Eye Blue" by Cristal Gayle. LOL :) MT

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level 1 DadHat78 5 points · 5 hours ago Hi Team Ex Hex! The swirly vinyl should be coming from Rough Trade any day now. I am very excited. I'm charmed that teaching guitar lessons served as a way towards forming this band. So how neat would it be to have an Ex Hex tab book published?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 5 points · 4 hours ago WILL YOU DO IT FOR US??

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level 3 DadHat78 4 points · 4 hours ago If Merge produces one and only one tab book, that should be it.

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level 1 ModernGirl 1 point · 5 hours ago Love you all so much..

How do you think indie/rock music has changed (and the band) in the five years since Rips and It's Real? After Another DeMINTion what would be the next food each of you would love an Ex Hex reference to?

I'm such a huge fan, thank you so much for a follow up record and can't wait to see you in a few weeks!

[edit for clarity]

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago Thank you!! I wanna write more songs about ice cream. But we love snacks in general, so the song subjects are endless! XO -LH

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level 3 ModernGirl 1 point · 4 hours ago Rainbow Shiner sprinkles on Another DiMINTion was a missed opportunity.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 4 hours ago I dunno laura what do you think? I think we should probably have ex hex chocolate bars next

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level 3 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago and thank YOU!

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level 3 ModernGirl 2 points · 4 hours ago You Fell Apart chocolate squares?

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level 4 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago good idea!!!

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level 1 cbandy 4 points · 5 hours ago Hi I love your new record! When you write music usually, do you set aside time to work on a song, or do you wait for inspiration to come to you?

I know that’s kind of a vague question but I’m interested in your process since I find your songs so catchy - they seem effortless in a way

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago hmmm... I think both of those things. I'm glad it SEEMS effortless lol! We put in a lot of time tweaking things and re writing them, editing stuff out, etc... so nice to hear you've been enjoying it. -MT

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level 1 sara520 5 points · 5 hours ago Hey guys 🤗 there has been a lot of online discussion this week on whether or not Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” holds up. What 90’s album do you each think hold up the best today? (Saying The Dirt Of Luck is cheating even though it’s true)

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 7 points · 4 hours ago The Chronic? Any Gories records? Aquemini, The Soft Bulletin, Teengenerate. So many...-LH

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level 1 MyFloppyCock 3 points · 5 hours ago I work too early to go to shows on weekdays very often, but I wanna see y'all when you come to Dallas. What excuse should I use to buy myself a couple extra hours sleep the next morning?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 8 points · 4 hours ago Say your rotating your energy and balancing your chi for success, peace, and happiness! This excuse always works ;) -LH

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 6 points · 4 hours ago Tell your boss that we trapped you backstage and force fed you IceCream, and you had a real sugar crash

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level 3 MyFloppyCock 3 points · 4 hours ago One time I actually was late to work because I ate a stupid amount of candy and then passed out without setting an alarm so this one's a little too real

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level 1 BRAlNWASH 4 points · 5 hours ago I’ve noticed a few artists calling this out lately; how often do venues take a cut of merch sales? It seems not right because I don’t see them giving a band a cut of drink and food sales. But alas I’m not inside the business so I don’t really know or understand the whole picture.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 4 hours ago Bigger venues tend to take a small percentage of merch sales. Yeah thats a good point actually! -MT

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level 3 BRAlNWASH 2 points · 4 hours ago Thank you for clarifying that for me. See y'all next week in Richmond!

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level 1 whyRUsoconvinced 1 point · 5 hours ago Mary, would you like to jam in Northampton, MA (or somewhere near) sometime if you're in town? Maybe somewhere else? I've just always wanted to play some guitar with you, maybe learn something. I'm a recent college grad, I play in local bands and I have music online :)

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level 1 JayLenoBlows 3 points · 5 hours ago Howdy, I love your work!! Favorite records for rainy days? If you collect music physically, what's your best record store find?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 5 hours ago I love Suggie Otis. we just played at Crooked Beat in VA, that's a pretty cool joint. I also really love Joes record Paradise in Silver Spring MD. this is MT btw

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level 3 JayLenoBlows 1 point · 4 hours ago Thank you so much for the reply :)

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level 1 GetYourFaceAdjusted 5 points · 5 hours ago It seems like the live music scene is picking up in D.C. with three new venues at the Wharf alone. Does it feel like the crowds are becoming more responsive? Do you think the D.C. reputation of having dead crowds is deserved? Any other DC bands I should be aware of (besides Bat Fangs)? Really enjoying the new album! Tough Enough has such a strutting rhythm, really fun.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 9 points · 4 hours ago We love The Messthetics, Flasher, Gauche, Teen Cobra, Desdemonas, the list goes on really! That dead crowd thing is a nasty rumor!-LH

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level 1 AMC_Mark 3 points · 5 hours ago have you ever tried microdosing?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 4 hours ago HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAH

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 4 hours ago OMG

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level 2 danimal6000 2 points · 4 hours ago Macrodosing is way more fun

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level 1 TracyJackson 3 points · 5 hours ago I've got the impression that, while Rips was more in the power pop/punk rock vein, It's Real draws from more influences pre-punk: classic rock, even some psychedelia. What's your stance on the often perceived antagonism between these genres? How do they / don't they connect? And while we're at it, I always love hearing about musician's favorite records, so what are some of your all-time faves in these genres - and if there's something close to your heart that doesn't fit within these categories, also beyond?

Anyway, thanks for one of the few current takes on rock'n'roll I truly enjoy!

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 4 hours ago Wow that's a tough one! well, we really do pull inspiration and influence from all of the above mentioned genres. The antagonism between them is not really something we pay attention to-we just are drawn to sounds we like. I love how these subcategories inform each other and continue to morph and merge and split through different artists. I guess thats pretty psychedelic! -LH

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level 1 AnDeluzion 3 points · 4 hours ago Any advice on approaching your favorite musicians at shows? I'm working up the guts to say hi back to Laura Harris. She said hi to me twice at Ex Hex gigs and I giggled and got bashful and vanished.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 4 hours ago HI! I like it when people say hello, I assume most people do. I hope you do since I keep saying it to you! -LH

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level 1 yourenorocknrollfun 3 points · 4 hours ago Will the video for "New Kid" ever be released? Also do you like meatballs?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 4 hours ago maybe? We shot it and never finished editing it. Think it might be in the works at some point. welllll the meatball question is p difficult. hmmmm....I mean I just got food poisoning from some Hello Fresh meatballs last week, so I think I'd say I need some time to think about my answer?? -MT

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 6 points · 4 hours ago Vegetarian meat balls! in red sauce. -LH

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level 2 ModernGirl 2 points · 4 hours ago Are you my lost friend?

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level 1 leafysun 3 points · 4 hours ago First heard you at Landmark in 2015. What was it like playing a stage like that, and do you think they should bring a festival like that back to DC? (I for one day yes, especially since Sweetlife is no more)

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 4 hours ago oh cool! Yeah we did really like playing at that fest, and hope something similar comes back to DC.

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level 1 jtouhill 5 points · 4 hours ago For Mary: I lived in Providence, RI, during the mid- to late-‘90s, and I saw Helium several times at venues like Lupo’s and the Met Cafe. Were there any Providence bands from that time period that you particularly enjoyed (e.g., Small Factory, Scarce, Velvet Crush, Thee Hydrogen Terrors, Lightning Bolt, or others)? Also, I know you played with the Dambuilders and the Flying Nuns quite a bit back then (both great bands), but were there any other mid- to late-90s bands from Boston that you thought were great, but might’ve been less well-known? Thanks!

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 4 hours ago HI! Oh cool. Yes I was buddies with peeps in Scarce and Small Factory, in the early and mid 90s'. liked velvet Crush too. I don't think Lightning Bolt was a think until pretty late 90s?

yeah I liked Spore, Fan Modine, magnetic fields

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level 3 jtouhill 3 points · 4 hours ago Thanks for replying. Lightning Bolt actually formed at RISD in ‘94, and I think the first time I saw them was in early-‘95. Back then, they were a 3-piece, with Hisham Bharoocha (later of Black Dice) on vocals and guitar.

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level 4 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago oh dang

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level 5 jtouhill 2 points · 4 hours ago P.S. I live in Madison, WI, now; so I’ll be seeing you play here in a couple of weeks. Best of luck on the rest of the tour too.

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level 3 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago oooh I forgot Swirles and Syrup USA. LOVED Swirles so much

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level 1 ytsurr 5 points · 4 hours ago Not so much a question but a declaration: you guys slayed at crooked beat this weekend! It’s Real is the real thing! Much love, xx.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 4 hours ago Thank you:)!

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 4 hours ago awww thanks :)

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level 1 danimal6000 3 points · 4 hours ago Have you ever seen a ghost?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 4 hours ago I haven't I don't think, but definitely felt the presence. One unlocked my door at a haunted hotel. It was thrilling!!! -Its a long story, Ill write a horror movie based on it someday. -LH

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level 1 5centraise 3 points · 4 hours ago Mary, how do you like the Giles, Giles & Fripp album you bought at Amoeba for the What's In My Bag video? They are some of my favorite musicians, but their other album is mostly a bunch of silly stories, and I'm scared to buy this one.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 4 hours ago why thanks you for asking. I enjoy GG&F... maybe not my fave record in the world but cool

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 3 hours ago oh but wait that song Talk to the Wind is on it, that song is soooo good

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level 3 5centraise 1 point · 3 hours ago OK, you talked me into it! I'm going to track down a copy. Thanks for answering, and for all the great music.

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level 1 future_of_music 2 points · 4 hours ago Desert island 3 favorite FX pedals? (Are gear questions fun or annoying?)

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 1 point · 4 hours ago I would say: MXR Carbon Copy delay, Earthquaker Acapolco Gold, and Bets and I just both got the Pyramids Flanger they make which is pretty cool -mt

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level 1 comic-sans-culottes 1 point · 4 hours ago Hi, what are your current favorite/most used alternate tunings or pedals? Thanks

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago DADGBE, DADGAE just normal old drop D and also sometimes dropping the B to and A....

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago Thank You!!

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago I think it was a pretty positive experience, It was nice to be around the scene and I feel glad it was happening here when I was in high school in the 80s. Made me want to play in a band for sure. -mt

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 1 point · 4 hours ago It's a sensory experience. Great casting. Glad they got Tommy Lee's rollercoaster drum set in there. -LH

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago I feel like we might need to text betsy to get an answer, I think she's already watched it twice?

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level 4 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago Paradise City -LH

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level 5 ModernGirl 2 points · 4 hours ago 🤔

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level 6 danimal6000 1 point · 3 hours ago Yep

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level 1 sleaterkinseyscale 2 points · 4 hours ago hey! from one DC resident to another, what are some of your favorite underrated spots in the city?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 4 hours ago The Franciscan Monastery of the Holy Land in America in North East. It has replicas of the catacombs in Rome among other cool stuff. Parrots, Parrots, Parrots, just Parrots in Falls Church, VA for a parrot fix. -LH

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level 3 LinusBlanket56 1 point · 3 hours ago I pass by Parrots, Parrots, Parrots, just Parrots all the time. I got to check this place out. It looks super rundown, and out of place.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 4 hours ago hmmmm. Laura what you think? Not sure about the underrated part. here are some friends businesses that rule! Elle, Mt Desert Ice Cream, Izakaya Seki, Black Cat, 9:30...

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level 3 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago All these are excellent! if you can make it to any of these spots you're in for a treat! -LH

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level 1 mistertrick66 2 points · 4 hours ago Hey everybody, long time fan, my first ever club show was 8/8/02 when Mary, Erase Errata (Anxious Rats 4 Life) opened for Sonic Youth at the 930 Club, and was curious for you all what are your favorite DC club show memories either you played in or witnessed, whether it be the 930, Black Cat, R'nR Hotel or else where.

Love to you all, Patrick

RIP Skip Groff

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level 1 DadHat78 2 points · 4 hours ago This is slightly weird, but what kind of animal would represent Ex Hex. I can see it be a Tiger.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago A tiger head and Pegasus wings with a dragons fiery breath and the talons of a Roc. But with the heart of a Lion and the loyalty of a Golden Retriever -LH

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago I would have to agree with this. or possibly a unicorn. to maybe a ZORCE? (horse-zebra) ALICORN? (unicorn and pegasus) -mt

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level 1 QuirkyProtection 2 points · 4 hours ago What are your favorite clubs to play?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago I like the Bowery Ballroom, Cat's Cradle, Black Cat, The Echo...-LH

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 1 point · 4 hours ago there are so many. We're loyal to DC so we love 9:30 and Clack Cat. but as far as other towns...there are too many to mention. off hand pretty much any club that has a really good sound system and is pretty comfortable to be in? it's pretty amazing how many venues have crappy sound systems/ or just aren't set up well acoustically

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 1 point · 4 hours ago Maaaaayyybeeee...-lh

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level 1 shannellll 1 point · 4 hours ago What kind of merch is in store for the upcoming tour? Excited to see y’all in Carrboro!

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago Some cool new stuff comin your way! enamel, rainbow print, were mixing it up a little so look out!-LH

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level 1 Junkstar 3 points · 4 hours ago How is it that after 51 years, The Zombies O&O is still fresh?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 4 hours ago because its genius!! fave band ever -MT

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago Jeez too many to remember-and more coming up! Its gonna be super fun to tour with our friends, Feels, and Moaning! -LH

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level 1 AnDeluzion 2 points · 4 hours ago Given how often you're either in the studio or on the road, does anyone in the band have time for love and relationships? How do you manage love and rock?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago Its easy! j/k. -lh

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level 1 danimal6000 1 point · 4 hours ago What’s your favorite Prince song? Mine is I Would Die 4 U.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago Controversy really hits the spot for me. -LH

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago Its Real being out! and this tour coming up! and pyrokinesis! -LH

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level 1 ATLjarcher 1 point · 4 hours ago MT just want to say thank you for devoting your life to this. I'm sure it seems a lot of the time like you're talking to a wall or something, and the pay sucks. It has to be very difficult to keep doing this, working crummy jobs in-between projects and scrambling to pay bills. But please keep at it. You're a very inventive musician.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 1 point · 3 hours ago hugs to you xo M

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level 1 AnDeluzion 2 points · 4 hours ago I know this isn't a question, I just wanted it to be known how much I love Ex Hex, and honestly the entire Mary Timony musical catalog. She was nice enough to take a picture with me once, and every once and a while I see it and it just makes me so happy. Also Betsy chatted with me once about Roy Orbison and Silverchair. I have so many lovely memories and I just wanted to say thanks :)

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago my goodness, thank YOU. thats so sweet xo Mary

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level 1 LastGlass1971 1 point · 4 hours ago Besides copious amounts of ice cream, what kinds of self care do y'all enjoy to keep happy and healthy on tour?

P.S. Love y'all oodles and the trapper keeper that came with the album pack is dreamy.

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 2 points · 4 hours ago stretching! its very important. Lots of water. TV keeps me pretty happy on tour, also having a good pillow or using a good bag as a pillow. and vitamins. -LH

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level 1 danimal6000 2 points · 4 hours ago Who would win in a fight between Ex Hex and Evil Ex Hex?

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 3 hours ago the struggle between good and evil will never end!

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level 2 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 5 points · 3 hours ago They would put down their swords and join forces to make a super Ex Hex!

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level 1 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 4 points · 3 hours ago Okay everyone thanks so much!!! we had a blast answering all the questions. We gotta run now and pack for tour but we'll see you all soon we hope:)

-EX HEX

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level 1 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 3 points · 3 hours ago oh no guys!! we gotta go!

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level 1 EXHEXBAND Ex Hex 1 point · 3 hours ago THANKS YOU GUYS!! THIS WAS FUN! gotta run XO!!

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level 1 danimal6000 1 point · 3 hours ago What’s in your Netflix queue?

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level 1 AnDeluzion 2 points · 3 hours ago Does anyone in the band like Bon Jovi? Or is that too cheesy? I grew up with parents who listened to 80's rock and that band's production value always stuck out to me for some reason. Which may be more the producers/engineer's than the band

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level 1 AnDeluzion 1 point · 3 hours ago Help settle a debate please: Does listening to music, as an adult, that you liked growing up inherently nostalgia? In my opinion, there's a fine line between liking something because it reminds you have a prior time/place, vs your tastes just having not changed at all over the years.

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tripping-on-assid · 6 years

Text

4218

923pm

It’s been a while. So for that, there is quite a lot to catch up on. However, like always, I’ll just write until I don’t want to anymore. Don’t care for spelling, grammar, correct sentence phrasing, any of that, just my thoughts.

I want to start off by saying that while im writing this I took about half/quarter of a tab about 45 min ago. Just for the concentration. Also, so I could probably get super intense and “deep” with what I write. Im also listening to Periphery in the background and it’s nice. The amount of acid I took wasnt much...at most it was 50ugs. I used the rest of it from microdosing. Hell, I might not even feel it since I microdosed today lmao. Nonetheless, placebo never hurt anybody right? lol. And if the acid doesnt work I got some coffee

Since I last posted, back in November, shit went FUCKING DOWNNN. Since November, Royce and my mom split, we got a new house, quit my job at panera and I failed 3/4ths of my classes that semester. Royce left because of some selfish reason of how it was “god’s plan” for him to turn over houses, and my mom didnt want to deal with that so she left his ass. I got pretty fucking sad over failing my classes, as you could see I was ranting and raving how much I despised college back in November but reality got kicked into gear when I failed. Kinda sucks. My mindset was ridiculous back then, and it still is now, however back then, it was intimately superficial. However, the deeper I got with philosophy and spirituality and all that shit, I kinda wanted to step up my game.

Weird shit can happen to you, and weird thoughts come into play when you’re naive. And like, Im still 19. Im not granted with all this wisdom but I respect and value education. Knowledge. Discomfort. You see, how amazing would it be to just, trip on shrooms or L every few weeks, thinking about your life and thinking about all the crazy questions in life and actually have it set. How amazing would it be to smoke weed and do the same thing, everyday? Seems great, however, that isnt the best way to live. I lived it and honestly im still kinda living it. I quit working so the only obligation really I have is school and thats every other day. Living thankfully from my tax return and financial aid reimbursement. But even that is spent on shit like weed, which I blow through pretty quick.

I italicized the word discomfort from the last paragraph because a lot of my role models talk about that, PsychedSubstance, and especially Jordan Peterson have spread that message. And like, that message is honestly everywhere “no pain, no gain” “smooth sails dont make good sailors(something like that)”, I mean, it’s everywhere. But, I took a good look into it and kinda really get the meaning of it. That’s what I like to do, I like to grab ideas by the crouch and examine tf outta them. Nonetheless, the discomfort idea is pretty solid. Jordan Peterson elaborates on the synonym of suffering though.

+Trip report: I think I kinda am feeling it, very slight visual distortions and lighting intensity.

Anyways! Thats another thing Id like to talk about, psychedelics. I mean, when do i not, but, I told myself and my girlfriend (we’re still together and we’re going pretty good! In fact we’ve gotten much much closer since November) that I would take a break from psychedelics after I had a 5g shroom trip that was wayyyy too intense for me. I said I wouldn’t do hallucinogens until april 8th, and guess what? I didnt fall through. Because guess what? It isnt april 8th yet. In fact I’ve microdosed twice. Sooooo, I broke that promise. And that brings in a problem, who do i go to when I cant tell my girlfriend stuff? Why cant i? Why are there some things that I should keep private and why am i keeping this a secret? I dont know but it feels much better to type this out than to live without it being somewhere. So youre probably thinking how I couldnt keep my word, well let me tell you a story and end with a self analysis.

So about a week ago I got back into town from visiting the day with my grandmother/aunt/cousin/mother for my grandmother’s birthday bash. I was pretty bummed I had to go (even though i had a pretty good time there, we played scategories, it was fun) because i was missing emo night in daytona! Well, I got back into town enough to see half of it and my friend Mashal ( i bought L off of him before, me and him are pretty good acquaintances) asked me if i wanted a tab. I was like “aw hell yeah but I dont have any $” and he was like “its fine bro here you go enjoy”

So right when i got it i was ecstatic. It’s like i couldnt wait until april 8th. It was in my hand, I couldve tripped that night, but i knew i had a promise to keep. A promise id eventually break but, it gave me so much more passion in life. The hobby of reading about trip reports, about being able to trip again, it was just. So.Fucking.Interesting. like honestly, tripping is so profound. I mean hell, Im on a little bit of acid rn.

And that leads me to the analysis and honestly I dont know if thats good or bad. I dont know what to think about that. Because i know my attitude shifted considerably from no desire to trip to wanting to trip hella bad. Getting back into trip reports, reading about different combos with weed and other substances. I missed it. And honestly, that kind of worries me a bit. Because my passion is what? Learning about and doing psychedelics?

It’s so weird because I tripped a lot last winter, once every few weeks, if not every one to two weeks. And even though it was so profound, I got HPPD. And i think that really fucked with my brain. Theres this fog i get in my head, foggy/cloudy mindset. Where focusing, thinking, talking, doing stuff is a bit more...complex than it is usually. I think i suffered a bit of disassociation too. I would constantly think I wasnt myself, that maybe I was just some vessel, or some robot just doing mundane tasks. It was the weirdest feeling ever. However, I was going through a lot like...I was pretty fucking sad. So HPPD with depression wasnt the best. I was sad I was moving, I was sad my parents broke up, and I was especially sad over failing my classes, and...i also got into two car crashes, both within a month. So, I felt like doodoo. But which came first? the chicken or the egg? Did i get sad because of the psychedlics and then had a crash or did i have a crash and then get super sad? either way, i was a mess. And leaving psychedelics out was uncomfortable because I remember doing shrooms once because I had problems to fix. But my mood and my mind couldnt handle psychedelics. And I dismissed them, but after Mashal gave me that tab, I felt the same passion I had last winter over psychedelics again. And I was just so happy that I would trip again soon.

So that happened. In fact, April 7th is when im planning on tripping, Kyle (ex panera employee also Journeys best friend...crazy!) is planning on coming over to journeys and we gonna trip, smoke weed, and chill and I told him i wanted to go see nature and stuff. Im also on a break from weed so when I do smoke on saturday, my tolerance will be 0 and I will have an intense af experience. Im ready.

Also, this is my like, 3rd night at my mom’s house, and 1st night with the computer back. So maybe ill hit you guys up later with maybe something more thought out, but this is my entry! till next time

#diary

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