#mickey still very much cares for his parents but they try to control things they shouldn’t and they don’t get along

[levinbolts]

born-rich boys with family issues squad: haiba, mickey, beau, [redacted]

[outro-tearist]

new bts au!

hi, im silver and i plan on writing a bts x reader au where the m/c is a dog groomer!

please, please let me know your thoughts, opinions, feelings, anything really ^///^🤍🌙

chap 1 chap 2 chap 3

bts dog groomer au!

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“Please- just sit still… for just one- ACK!” (Y/N) fruitlessly scolded the dog in front of her. It was desperately clawing at the rim of the tub to climb out as the groomer placed her body to block the floor from view.

“Jeez, Monie, stop trying to kill me for just one sec,” she groaned exasperatedly to the American Eskimo. He simply huffed but still hopped back into the tub. The groomer gratefully gave the dog a pat on the head and a whispered “good boy” before spraying the shampoo hose down his back again.

Truthfully, (Y/N) could not imagine her life without fighting playful dogs and seeing their owner’s happy faces when their precious baby got returned to them. She had been saving up for this small (but perfect in her eyes) corner store in the middle of the bustling city of Seoul. Half the shop was a cute, welcoming entrance with plants, that were of course safe for animals in case any of them were mischievous. Behind the main desk there was a large window in which you could see the 4 grooming tables as well as the large, wall length tub.

Her new friend, Jimin, had worked the front for her as well as the dog-walking business that had recently been added to the quaint shop. (Y/N) had gotten a few regulars, like Kim Monie and his parents, Min Holly that came with the reclusive Min Yoongi, and Jung Mickey that usually arrived with Jung Jiwoo, a pretty girl she quickly got along with.

The little bell on the door tinkled as it opened. (Y/N) had her hands full of a pup and couldn’t leave him unattended, so she just glanced behind her to see it was only Jimin who got back from a walk with some new dogs.

“(Y/N)-ssi!” Jimin yelled happily as he opened the back door. He put the dogs into the playpen that was in the front of the grooming room and ran to assist her as soon as he could.

“Hi, Jimin. I thought I told you not to be so formal! We’ve known each other for a few months n- MONIE NO!” (Y/N) scrambled to stop the soaking wet dog from bounding into Jimin’s arms but it was too late. The Eskimo dog had already tackled Jimin to the ground, giving him big licks on the face. The other dogs in the pen barked excitedly as Jimin laughed loudly with his gorgeous high-pitched giggles. (Y/N) almost blushed until she realized she had to pull the dog off the poor man laying on the ground.

“Monie, you were being such a good boy today! I can’t believe you’ve done this switcheroo on me.” the girl scolded. Jimin finished his sweet laughing fit and wrangled the ecstatic dog back into the tub. “I missed you too, puppy.” Jimin smiled sweetly.

“Um. This is sweet and all but do you, uh. Have any spare clothes..?” an embarrassed (Y/N) asked. Of course he had chosen to wear a white shirt, his NEVERMIND tattoo being the only thing she could see at the moment. On top of that, his defined stomach was very visible and that only made (Y/N) flush even more.

“OH! Oh my gosh I am so sorry I didn’t even remember- um… but no. I don’t have a spare shirt BUT I think I have a jacket. Up there. In the front I mean. Uh. Bye” Jimin sped off embarrassed for his friend and coworker to see him so unprofessionally.

(Y/N) waved her hand in front of her face as she stared at Jimin’s back running to the front of the store. “Nice one, Monie. You scared him off.” The dog gave her a simmering look but allowed her to move him onto the table to get him dried.

-----------

“Good boy Monie! You were such a good boy!!” (Y/N) baby-talked the dog as his tail wagged behind him quickly. You had just finished shaving his paw pads and he looked as fresh as ever. “Now let’s wait for your mommy and daddy to come pick you up, ok!?”

Jimin awkwardly walked into the back at that point. “Um, hey. I just wanted to say-” “I am so sorry Jimin! I should have had better control of Monie here but I just let him jump all over you and now you’re all wet.” (Y/N) bowed and cut him off before he could even begin. Jimin stared in shock for a moment, before giggling slightly, bowing, and responding, “It’s not a problem, (Y/N). Thank you for being understanding.”

They shared a smile until the light bells alerted them to someone being in the shop. (Y/N) immediately went to the front, knowing Jimin would take great care of the puppies in the back.

“Hi, welcome to Paradise Pet Groomers, what can I do for you?” she greeted the two tall men. The taller one smiled largely, with adorable dimples that (Y/N) swore could be used as a bowl for cereal seemed to notice her first. The second man may have been the most gorgeous man she had ever seen in her whole life. His broad shoulders seemed to expand the closer she got to him, and the groomer couldn’t help but want a hug from him.

“Hey, we’re here to pick up Monie?” the taller one spoke. (Y/N) was a little wary because the couple who usually picked him up were an older one, who were always very sweet and seemed very in love. “Yes, of course, but where is the other couple who usually picks him up?” she asked as politely as she could.

The broad shouldered man answered back just as kindly as the first, “Ah, those are my roommate’s parents,” he motioned to the dimpled man, “I’m Seokjin and this is Namjoon.” “Ah, well, Monie was absolutely a sweetheart as per usual. He was a little rowdy during bath time but he usually is, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.” she explained as she walked into the back to get the dog.

“Hi Monie!” Namjoon seemed to be very excited to see the dog again, and (Y/N) couldn’t help but giggle once she noticed the similarities they seemed to have. Seokjin watched the man fondly and she couldn’t help but notice how much love was in his gaze when he looked at his “roommate”. Namjoon made small cooing noises as Monie barked and whined excitedly.

“Thank you so much for your continued patronage, and tell your parents I said hi!” (Y/N) said to the duo as they happily strolled out of the store.

“Good work today Jimin, you can head out!” (Y/N) called out into the back only to Jimin’s surprised face peek out from the playpen of dogs.

“But the store doesn’t close for another two hours!” he exclaimed.

(Y/N) smiled and nodded, “Yes, but you’re still wearing wet clothes! Go home and have a good day.”

Jimin’s smile was contagious, and it seemed that her face couldn’t manage a wider smile at that moment.

“I’ll see you soon!” Jimin yelled to the puppies as he ran out, leaving (Y/N) alone with the company of light background music and chattering of dogs.

[labelma]

all the pain of yesterday

Read on Ao3

When the call comes, it’s a surprise. 

Maybe it shouldn’t be, but it is. 

“Hello, is this Fiona Gallagher?” 

Somehow, Fiona just knows. She doesn’t know how or why, but...

“Yes this is her.” 

The woman’s voice is soft, but clear, there’s quiet murmur in the background, it reminds Fiona of every time she got a call from the police station, the hospital, the school. For a moment, she feels like she’s 21 again, scared, alone, at her wit’s end, trying to hold everything together, scraping by with the skin of her teeth, always one wrong step from a catastrophe. 

There is a split second of silence where Fiona knows this is it. Whatever the woman has to say- there’s no going back from it, as soon as the silence breaks. And it does. 

“This is Brenda at Kindred Hospital South, your father Frank Gallagher was brought in experiencing hypoxia, disorientation and a high fever,” 

This is it 

“We regret to inform you that we did-“ 

This is how it happens

“Everything we could-“ 

Fiona’s blood runs cold, 

“But your father passed away this evening at 8:46 from complications due to Covid-19.” 

She knew it was coming. They all did. Frank had been dancing with death for years, how he had even managed to hold on for so long was beyond her. 

It seemed that Frank’s luck had finally run dry. 

“Would you like to make arrangements? If not we would be happy to help…” 

Fiona isn’t listening. She tells the nurse to do whatever they need to do before hanging up. 

She surprises herself when she feels tears prick the corners of her eyes, and she clenches her jaw. They won’t fall. She won’t cry over Frank. Not anymore. Not ever. 

She takes a moment for herself, a moment to breath, a moment to consider the fact that she’s now lost both her parents, even if she lost them both years ago to drugs, to the bottle, to insanity. 

She takes the briefest moment to grieve what could have been before stopping herself. 

What’s done is done. 

Her parents made their decisions, and she made hers. 

Fiona thinks that at least now Frank and Monica will get to make each other miserable for eternity while they’re burning in the deepest pits of hell. 

Or was it freezing? 

Fiona never paid much attention in church anyway, on those rare occasions they went, usually to sneak bills from the collections plate. 

Phone in her hand, screen still on from the phone call, Fiona realizes she doesn’t know what the next steps are. 

Her instinct is to hop on the L, deal with the situation as it comes, never planning, never even able to plan because of the speed at which things fell apart. Her instinct is to go grab Frank from whatever shithole situation he got himself in, and slap some sense into him. 

But obviously, Fiona couldn’t hop on the L, she was standing in the middle of the street in Chula Vista, California. Gone were the days of running into burning buildings with no forethought. Fiona had her life together. She had a serious job. She wasn’t busy juggling teens and pre-teens anymore. 

And of course, there was no Frank to slap sense into anymore. 

An odd pang twisted Fiona’s stomach at the thought. 

She’s brought back to the presence when someone stumbles into her from behind, 

“Perdóneme,” 

The woman doesn’t look much older than she is, and she’s busy pushing a stroller with one hand, pulling a toddler along with the other. 

Fiona sighs. 

It’s time to face the music. 

She calls her kids. 

<hr>

Arrangements are made. Fiona honestly has very little say in them. 

Frank wanted to be cremated, his family didn’t give nearly a big enough shit to make it fancy. 

He had no possessions of value, nothing to give to his kids other than stained furniture, empty bottles, and trauma.

Really, Fiona is coming back for Liam. 

Fiona was the guinea pig. The oldest daughter, the one who had no one except a wino father and batshit crazy mother to look after her. 

Lip and Ian, born so close together, both so resilient, but still so so young when they first learned the hard way of Frank’s negligence. 

Debbie and Carl, young enough to remember the times before Fiona dropped out of high school and made being a mother to her siblings a full time job. Old enough to remember all the times Frank stole their money, ruined their creations, hurt their very fragile childish feelings. 

But Liam? 

Liam never lived in a world where he had to be raised by Frank of Monica Gallagher. 

And Fiona knows that she wasn’t the best guardian either. She knows that she abandoned him, even though she was the only mother he’d ever known. She knows that she’s done worse things. 

But even when she fucked up, Lip was there to pick it up. And Ian behind him. And now Debbie and Carl are adults too. Liam would be just fine without her in the long run. 

But still. Liam had the good fortune to be born last, young enough to be raised by his siblings, to never feel the sting of abuse and neglect the way the oldest five always had. 

And Frank had always loved Liam, loved him so much. Liam was so kind, maybe even too kind. He loved Frank back, even though they all knew Frank was not deserving of such care from his youngest son. 

So Fiona knew, knew it like she knew herself, that Liam, of all the Gallaghers, was going to be the most devastated. 

And well, she missed her other kids too. 

She hadn’t seen Franny far too long, hadn’t even met Fred. She missed Ian’s wedding, Carl’s graduation from the academy. 

She’d stayed up to date of course, speaking with her siblings on the phone, FaceTiming to see her nieces and nephews, but she knew what it was like in Chicago. If you weren’t there you may as well not exist. 

Fiona liked it that way. 

When her plane had arrived at the San Diego International Airport all those years ago, she almost had a panic attack, nearly booked the next flight back to Chicago. 

It had gotten easier with time. 

For her entire life she’d been so tied to the little house on Wallace, she didn’t know who she was without it. 

It was time to find out. 

And she did. 

She did find out, she found out what she was capable of, she found out how successful she could be, she found out who she was without living her life for her siblings. 

Not that she would ever hold it against them but… She did what she could. It was time for her to live her own life now. 

And for those very reasons, she was terrified of going back to Chicago. 

She was terrified that all the progress, everything she built, all that she’d become, was nothing more than smoke and mist, ready to blow away the minute she arrived in the Windy City. 

Which is why she never visited when Fred was born, or considered flying in to meet him. 

Which is why when she received the surprisingly tasteful wedding invitation to Ian and Mickey Milkovich’s wedding, she regretfully declined. 

She was so scared. 

So scared she would go back and never be able to leave again. 

But some of the fear had worn off over the months. 

Her new life felt less like smoke, and more like a healthy young tree, still growing, but strong enough to weather a storm. 

It was time to return. 

<hr> 

The plane ride feels oddly unceremonious for how anxious Fiona feels. 

She watches as the Southern California coast line disappears from sight as the plane flies eastward, and wonders how she’ll be received when she arrives. 

She doesn’t tell the kids she’s coming for a visit, worried they’ll make a big deal out of it, or worse, do nothing at all. 

Chicago is exactly like she remembers it, and yet nothing like it used to be. Still dirty, windy, freezing, especially after her years spent in the San Diegan sun, but dotted with new boutiques, nicer buildings, fences that don’t look like they’re about to crumble into a pile of dust. 

She has to fight to control her breathing in the Uber back to the old Gallagher house. 

The sight of the sun setting over the familiar buildings of the South Side makes her feel something unidentifiable. 

The house looks much the same as always, if not just a bit nicer due to Lip’s efforts to fix it up. 

She hesitates for just a moment at the front door before turning the handle and walking in, refusing to give in to her doubts. 

The TV is on, as usual. Debbie sits texting on the couch while Franny, much bigger than the last time Fiona saw her lounges on the couch engrossed in the colorful TV show, Carl next to her, also engrossed in the show. 

She hears banging in the kitchen, and she walks towards it to find Lip hammering at the shelving unit, Tami preoccupied with hushing Fred, while Ian and Mickey sit at the kitchen table passing a beer back and forth, talking quietly. 

Fiona is only a little surprised that she hasn’t been noticed yet. She’s quieter than she used to be, and each one of her siblings seems to be in their own little worlds. 

It’s Liam who sees her first as he walks down the stairs, eyes red, looking tired, though his face lights up as soon as his eyes fall on her. 

“Fiona!” 

He runs into her arms, and the tears Fiona has been managing to hold back for days finally fall. She holds her youngest brother, and breathes in the familiar smell of his hair. 

Liam’s shout alerts the rest of the family to her presence, and for a few minutes Fiona is wrapped in hug after hug, feeling laughter bubbling up in her chest. 

It strikes her that even after so long away, she can still read her siblings like a book. 

Lip is tense, she can feel it in the way he hugs her, in the hard set of his features, though Tami seems happy enough. 

Carl and Debbie are both distracted, though the days where she could tell what kind of things they’d be distracted by are long gone. 

Ian looks lighter, happier than she’s ever seen him, and for the smallest moment, she worries that Frank’s death may have thrown him into a manic episode before she notices the way Mickey has his hand firmly planted on his shoulder, and though Fiona was never quite able to trust him in the past, she thinks she does now. 

She holds Franny against her hip, marveling at how heavy she is, while Liam entwines his fingers with hers. 

Fiona gets the sense that she’s missed so much, and yet nothing at all, everyone falling into their familiar roles. 

They settle in with coffee to catch up, Fiona hanging on every word, desperate to soak up everything she’s missed. 

Lip decided not to sell the house in the end, figuring that the value in owning property was worth more than a quick payout which would disappear quicker that you’d think. 

With Ian and Mickey in a new apartment and Frank… gone, the house was quieter, less crowded, a better place to raise two kids, at least until Lip and Tami could afford to move out. 

Debbie had sworn off dating, saying she was sick of dating psycho chicks. Fiona laughs along with her and agrees, dating hasn’t been so kind to her either, but she suspects that Debbie will change her tune when the next person willing to go down on her comes along. She shares that same trait with Debbie, something she’s been trying to work on as she gets older and realizes how fucked up her habits and coping mechanisms are. 

Liam is grieving, and Fiona’s heart aches for him. She cups her hands around his sallow cheeks and as she kisses his face and celebrates when he brushes her off, an embarrassed smile turning up his lips. She knows this is hard on him, Liam being the only Gallagher who truly still cared for Frank in more than just an offhand obligatory way. But she also knows that the hurt will wear off eventually as grief tends to do. Liam is young still, with so so much potential and such a bright future ahead of him. She’s not worried, even if she feels bad for leaving him. 

She tells Liam that before she leaves she’s going to help get him into a good private school. 

He deserves the opportunities none of his older siblings ever had. 

Carl is still Carl, even if he’s trying to be a fine upstanding citizen. Still, she’s so proud he really seems to have made something of himself, even landing a stable union job. 

Ian is happy, so happy, and Fiona lets his infectious joy wash over her. There was a time when Fiona worried for him. Worried he was doomed like Monica. She knew that stats, knew how hard it was for people with bipolar disorder to manage stable relationships, knew the Gallagher history was full of divorces and scorned exes, many of them hers, even without the added bonus of mental illness. When Ian was arrested and sentenced to three to five years in prison, she thought that was the end of any hope he had for a happy ending. 

She’s glad she was wrong. 

She can’t say she’s surprised by the reappearance of Mickey Milkovich in their lives, Mexico and prison be damned. Fiona doubted many things about Mickey, doubted his trustworthiness, doubted his intentions, doubted his stability, and all for good reason in her opinion. But one thing she never doubted was his love for her brother. Well, maybe there were times she doubted it a little, but she’s a cynical person. 

She thinks that Ian and Mickey have the best relationship of any of the Gallaghers, a reality she would have laughed at 5 years ago, but it’s true. 

She hopes that one day she can replicate their success, but she isn’t counting on it. 

Right now she’s just working on learning to accept herself, and all her flaws. 

It’s a process, but she’s getting there. 

<hr> 

Ultimately they decide not to hold a real funeral for Frank, not caring enough to plan one, and thinking Frank probably wouldn’t even want one. 

Instead they congregate in the alley, joined by Kev and V as well as Tommy and Kermit, behind The Alibi to dump his ashes. 

They aren’t so ceremonial, though Liam, with tears on his face does insist on saying a few words. 

The whole ordeal takes no more than ten minutes, and when it’s over, Fiona feels like she can finally breathe. 

Her entire life she was burdened with being her father’s daughter, living under his metaphorical shadow, even when she moved as far away as she could. 

He haunted her every time she had a beer, every time she felt guilt creep in for leaving, every time she felt close to snapping at her new job. 

But now Fiona thinks she can finally let it go, let Frank go, along with all her demons. 

The flight back to feels shorter, or maybe Fiona just feels lighter. Somewhere along the way she stopped seeing Chicago as home, and finds herself eager for San Diego with its sun, beaches, and mountains. Her new home is her little apartment in Chula Vista, so close to Mexico she can cross the border whenever she wants, with her new friends, a new job, and a tan for the first time in her life. 

She isn’t worried about her siblings. Lip is building a life for his new family, Ian is happily married to the love of his life, Debbie is learning and growing, trying to be a good mom to her daughter, Carl has a stable job he loves despite all odds, and Liam is the smartest and most resourceful of all of them. 

They’re going to be just fine. 

And so will she.

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

How would describe shameless to someone who never heard of it? How would you describe the specific characters?

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve these super fun asks, but thank you so much! :D It’s funny that you sent this because I did actually describe the show to someone not too long ago, and I didn’t like how I did it in hindsight. I felt like I didn’t do it enough justice. So, I get a second chance to try again!

“How would you describe Shameless to someone who never heard of it?”

Shameless is a show about how life doesn’t always go our way, we don’t always do the right thing, and we’re all imperfect beings—but we still deserve a chance regardless. The Gallaghers begin the series nearly at rock bottom, doing anything they have to for their literal survival, but also to keep their family together. Sometimes that means supporting each other when they’re in a difficult spot, banding together to help their neglectful father even though he doesn’t deserve it, or even committing petty crimes to sustain their meager way of life. As they get older and have more agency in and control over their lives, the nature of their problems shifts, and they learn from their own mistakes rather than reacting to their parents’. The same trends unfold for the people and families in their orbit, showing that various trials and tribulations can impact anyone of any social standing. Not everyone gets a happy ending; not everyone gets what they want. However, they grow and learn how to manage both the hand that they’ve been dealt as well as the bed they’ve made for themselves. That, after all, is life.

Shameless is a “dramedy” where the comedy elements utilize primarily satire, which sets it apart from the popularity of slapstick and dry comedies over the last decade. By nature, the show therefore addresses difficult, uncomfortable, and controversial topics in manners and utilizing methods that are designed to make us laugh at the absurdity while forcing us to think about these topics in ways that we may have avoided otherwise. This format has been established since the pilot episode and certainly is not to everyone’s taste. I wouldn’t recommend this show to anyone who prefers that such issues be addressed with a deeper analysis on the part of the characters rather than the audience, which is the general tendency in drama pieces rather than shows of this genre.

“How would you describe the specific characters?”

For this, I’ll focus on the main Gallagher family, Kev, V, and Mickey, as they’ve been the constant presences on the show since the start. I’ll also keep it relatively short since I could write essays on each one, and that would bore anyone who hasn’t heard of Shameless (and 95% of those who have) to tears.

1.      Frank Gallagher is the stereotypical “deadbeat” who plays the system for every penny so that he doesn’t have to work, choosing to fund his addictions rather than support his family. He will go to any lengths if it means preserving this lifestyle—mild, absurd, and even heinous. He functions as something of an anti-hero, being more a threat to the family’s stability in early seasons than a boon and gradually sinking into obscurity because of his children’s growing indifference as he burns one bridge after another with them. Frank prides himself on espousing only the values that will get him what he wants in a given circumstance. In specific instances, that has meant showing a measure of love and affection for his children that evidence has proven exists deep, deep below the surface. In others, he’s a wild card. Frank’s various fatal flaws have included arrogance, addiction, selfishness, and an avoidance of any and all responsibility.

2.      Fiona Gallagher is the eldest and began the series as the rock of the family because, to put it simply, she was the only person able to do it. She selflessly cared for her younger siblings so that they wouldn’t be scattered into foster homes or adoption thanks to her parents’ neglect, even to the point where she gave up portions of her life and blurred the lines between her roles as sister versus caregiver, which became a sticking point in later seasons when her siblings didn’t need or want a mother-figure anymore. While Fiona was initially very responsible with regards to raising her siblings, she therefore sacrificed a lot of opportunities that were important for her development as a young adult and exhibited an immaturity typical of people her age that impacted other arenas of her life, especially relationships. As her role as caregiver dwindled, that immaturity and the norms prevalent in her environment became more pronounced with her newfound freedom, and she struggled greatly in the face of what she viewed as making up for lost time. Fiona’s various fatal flaws have included ambition, a “martyr complex,” and viewing her family as an impediment to her ambitions later in life instead of a support system.

3.      Lip Gallagher is the oldest son. He began the series with a hefty chip on his shoulder. Intelligent, quick-witted, and calculating, Lip was constantly referred to as a sort of diamond in the rough and clearly came to believe it. This led to a very fascinating dynamic within the family and his other interpersonal relationships as his love for and desire to protect his family was balanced by a sense that his way was the best way—the only way, really. A combination of poor choices and unfortunate circumstances beyond his control resulted in a very real “fall from grace,” by South Side standards, and Lip has worked hard to claw his way back from where he was in the middle of the series. Where Fiona spiraled further as she withdrew from her family, Lip leaned on them and others in his support system—and it saved him. Lip’s various fatal flaws have included arrogance, contempt for power structures in which he is not at the top, and trying to solve other people’s problems at the expense of dealing with his own.

4.      Ian Gallagher is the middle child and something of an outlier in his own right where his family is concerned. He began the series seeming to have his shit together: he balanced school, ROTC, and work, excelling in all three at just fifteen years old. He was plagued by his status in the family at times, not old enough to have more control over his situation while not young enough to shrug off a lot of it on Fiona and Lip, and wanted something for himself more than anything. It’s that combination that put him in an extremely vulnerable position, because while he was the picture of responsibility and didn’t orchestrate as many scams as his siblings (though he was involved in plenty—he is South Side and a Gallagher, after all), it gave him—and his family—the false impression that he was more mature and in control than he was. Multiple older men preyed on him because of that, and in his thirst to find something that was solely his and someone he could care for outside his household, he viewed them as relationships rather than abuse. Like Lip, Ian truly hit rock bottom in a different manner, although the causes of his descent were more heavily skewed beyond his control. In true Ian form, however, he remains driven to find the straight and narrow—and stick to it as much as he can. Ian’s various fatal flaws have included ambition, a “hero complex,” compartmentalizing to the point of narrowmindedness or naïveté, and ignoring his own needs in pursuit of fulfilling others’.

5.      Debbie Gallagher is similar to Lip in that she has always been clever, cunning, and driven to get what she wants. Debbie began the series in a difficult position, going to school and contributing to the household while ultimately not in control of anything that was going on. From the start, all she wanted was a functional family, and it colored her behavior throughout the first six seasons of the show. In many cases, that meant doing whatever she could to hold everyone together: investigating Fiona’s lying boyfriend, running a daycare so that Fiona could work all night and still find time to sleep, prompting Fiona to more actively worry when Ian ran away and helping Lip locate him, and caring for Liam a lot of the time while he was a baby. Over the years, as the dysfunctions racked up, she sought an escape through boyfriends and a baby of her own. The means by which she attempted and ultimately failed to achieve these goals were at times reprehensible and spurred on by both her immature ignorance and the culture in which she was raised. Debbie’s various fatal flaws have included self-centeredness, envy, manipulative tendencies, and not thinking or caring about the implications and consequences of her actions for herself or the people involved.

6.      Carl Gallagher began the series as a real mess. The word “sociopath” comes to mind. He was the stereotypical “wild child” whose behavior embodied the dysfunctional nature of the family and their environment. He destroyed toys for fun, tortured animals, physically bullied children at school, and was held back multiple times for poor academic performance. Carl was never as academically bright as the other Gallagher siblings, but his street smarts were nigh unparalleled and, like Lip, he could probably survive anywhere. Over time, Carl underwent a remarkable transformation: embracing the negative stereotypes of his environment, he dove towards rock bottom with gusto only to realize that the thug life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Once again, he paralleled Lip and Ian’s trajectory in leaning on his family when it became too much, and he’s turned his entire life in the opposite direction to pursue a path that he hopes will lead to helping people rather than hurting them for his own gain or reputation. Carl’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, a penchant for violence, and ignorance.

7.      Liam Gallagher is still very young and therefore tougher to fully characterize as his development isn’t as extensive. Right now, he’s the same age Debbie was when the show began, and we’ve seen just how far she’s come. So, for the time being, Liam is extremely bright and has grown up with a great deal more privilege than his siblings. He doesn’t remember saving for the squirrel fund with fears of not being able to eat all winter in mind. He doesn’t remember what it’s like to worry about Frank or Monica’s actions having an enormous and lasting impact on them. He doesn’t remember Lip dropping out of school and moving out of the house, Monica’s actions at Thanksgiving, Fiona crying over crumpled bills from working at the sport bar, Ian going missing for four months and coming home a different person, or Debbie lying about Patrick just so they could keep a roof over their heads. Liam didn’t grow up with those things, and so he has the luxury of being a kid a bit more of the time. However, because his parents aren’t around and Fiona left the house a long time ago despite being his guardian, he has matured quickly in lieu of any real supervision.

8.      Kevin Ball and Veronica Fisher have been the Gallaghers’ closest allies in the neighborhood all this time. Kevin isn’t the brightest academically or in terms of common sense, but he has a good heart and makes the best decisions when he uses it. He has been through a lot, between foster care as a kid, a crazy ex-wife, trying to keep the Alibi afloat, and raising twin daughters that they definitely didn’t have the means for when they discovered that they were expecting two kids. And Veronica… Well, she’s quite literally his other half. She’s savvy and smart, intelligent and assertive—they complete each other. They began the series as an established couple experiencing some growing pains, especially when Veronica was giving the Gallaghers everything from use of their shower to their toaster while Kevin insisted that they needed to focus on themselves before they could help Frank’s kids. (He talked a good game, but when the chips are down, Kevin has always been there for them too.) They’re good people who’ve been given a few bad shakes and taken a few wrong turns, but their love for each other, their kids, and the Gallaghers has made them a surprisingly strong heart of the show. Kevin’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, ignorance, and not standing up for himself. Veronica’s various fatal flaws have included avoiding communication about her feelings and indecisiveness.

9.      Mickey Milkovich is the stereotypical personification of their environment. He began the series as a poor thug—and a dirty one, at that—who exuded such a presence in the neighborhood that he instilled fear at a mere glance. His family functioned as a foil to the Gallaghers, perhaps what they would have been if Frank had been a different person or they’d fallen even further. Mickey didn’t benefit from an emotionally supportive family that banded together to provide for more than merely monetary concerns, not to mention that his father was openly and violently homophobic, so it took a great deal of time and overcoming numerous internal and external hardships for him to come to terms with who he is on many levels. Over the years, Mickey was self-employed or acted with his family as a drug dealer, a pimp, and a prison hitman; worked for a drug cartel; and has engaged in any number of other scams and illegal activities in order to make ends meet—and he has been quite happy to keep doing so as it plays to his strengths. Mickey is remarkable, however, because he has always been a multifaceted character whose problematic decisions, abrasive mannerisms, and questionable lifestyle didn’t and don’t negate that he cares very deeply and will do literally anything for the few people he allows to get close to him, specifically Ian. Mickey’s various fatal flaws have included lack of foresight, avoiding communication about his feelings, and not reaching out for help when he needs it.

~*~

That was quite a bit longer than I initially intended, but I had a great time putting this together. Thank you again for the ask! 

[chocolatte-and-despair]

Got any friendship platonic yan Tale, Fell, Swap, Swapfell, Fellswap and Storyshift Asriel, Chara, Frisk and MK?

YANDERE UNDERTALE CHARA AS A FRIEND: ~ Chara is a very fussy person. She is always angry and shows no sign of actually liking you, but she actually is very attached to you. If you would ever get angry with her, she would probably apologize and ask you to keep being friends with her.

~She is the first one to kill anyone that bullies you. You are her friend and she is the only one who can make fun of you. Anyone else who tries will end up dying a mysterious and painful death.

~ “Listen to me, alright? You are my friend and I’ll protect you! So, if anyone is making fun of you, just tell me and I’ll teach them what happens when you make fun of my friends”

~Chara is very possessive and will make sure that everyone knows that you are her friend, that is why the chance of you actually finding a lover is pretty low.

~ “Why are you sad? Lovers are shitty anyway. Friendships are much better, and last longer!”

YANDERE UNDERTALE ASRIEL AS A FRIEND:

~Asriel would spend most of his time with you, always following after you if you would be busy with something. He just doesn’t want to leave you, because he doesn’t feel good when you are not around him. You are the only fun and interesting person, except for Chara.

~He would invite you to hang out with him and Chara quite a lot and he would probably ask you to sleepover at his place quite a bit because he doesn’t want to be far from you.

~ “Come on, pleaseee! It’s going to be fun, I promise!! I got a few new video games, we can play them!”

~Because his older sister is quite dangerous, whenever you would tell him someone is annoying you or is bullying you, he will make sure to tell Chara, so she could take care of it.

~ “Don’t worry anymore! Now, do you want to grab that nice cream or not?”

YANDERE UNDERTALE FRISK AS A FRIEND:

~A quite yet kid person, Frisk actually is pretty selfish. Every single time you would start to stray from her, she would reset to try again. If you ever find a lover, she would reset and kill that person, so you wouldn’t ever think of leaving her behind.

~Frisk would keep doing that over and over again, without any regard for anyone. It’s no wonder that Sans actually hates her and most humans. He just doesn’t trust them anymore and for good reasons.

~ “Hey, let’s get something tasty together, okay?”

~If she sees that killing people isn’t going to help, she will start spreading nasty rumors about you, before only she would be around you, and you would have no choice but stay with her.

~ “Don’t worry, I won’t ever leave you! I’m your best friend, am I not?”

YANDERE UNDERTALE MONSTER KID AS A FRIEND:

~No matter where you are, Mickey is always there. He always finds where you are, and will always approach you to be with you. The reason? Because he is a complete and utter stalker. He had been using his skills on Undyne before, but now that he has such a great friend like yourself, why would he ever need Undyne?

~Mickey is also your biggest fan! He knows absolutely everything about you. Even things that only you know. That is, again, because he is a stalker, and managed to get a lot of information from other people about you. He knows that’s not really good, but he really wants to be your best friend!

~ “Oh, don’t worry bestie! I already got you this! I just thought you would like this!!”

~No matter what you would do, you just can’t get rid of Mickey. And if you ever ask help from someone else, they will just not believe you because Mickey just seems such a good person. Besides, he doesn’t have legs, and his magic is pretty weak. What could he ever do to you?

~ “Maaan! You sure are fast! Okay, let’s not play tag anymore, okay? I hurt myself while running! You know I’m clumsy, you meanie!!”

YANDERE UNDERFELL CHARA AS A FRIEND:

~Dessy is actually a very good friend, as hard as it might be to believe it. Unlike with a lover, Dessy really appreciates friends. Not many people want to be friends with her, so you wanting to befriend her would mean the world to her.

~She would spend a lot of time with you and would use her connections to make your life at least a little bit easier. She would also try her best to make you understand that the rumors about her are only for lovers and not her friends.

~ “Thank you for being my friend. I was tired of just being friends with the dogs...”

~If you both are underground, Dessy will make sure that all the bad things you will do will be hidden, so no one else would know about it.

~ “Hey, don’t worry about it, okay? It’s just a secret between us two! To make our friendship stronger, alright?”

YANDERE UNDERFELL ASRIEL AS A FRIEND:

~The moment you two become friends, Tuscan would introduce you to his older sister, Dessy. There are two reasons why he would do that. One is that he wants Dessy to know that you are off-limits for killing, and second, he wants you to understand how great she actually is so you could help him fight the rumors that are spread about her. He really is obsessed with his older sister, and now he is obsessed with you too.

~You and Dessy are his dearest people, and he will make sure that everyone knows that if they mess with you, he will kill them in the most painful way possible and Dessy will eat their dead carcass/pile of dust.

~ “Don’t worry. No one will make fun of you and get to get out alive, you hear me?”

~If you start to stray from him, chances are that he will get his sister to kidnap you and keep you in their basement. He just knows that with them both you will be safe. Just please ignore your cellmate. That’s Dessy’s meal.

~ “Stop struggling! This is for the best! The sooner you realize this, the better it will be!”

YANDERE UNDERFELL FRISK AS A FRIEND:

~Fawn would probably always complain about monsters to you. Saying how disgusting they are and that they should return from where they came, saying that she hated how they were now alive. 

~If you are a monster too, she would tell you that you are lucky you are her friend, or else she would kill you from how disgusting you actually are and look.

~ “Only reason you are still alive, monster, is because you are needed”

~Even with her cruel words, she will probably not kill you, but instead, keep you as her pet in Dessy’s basement, where she lives. Do ignore the other two residents there. One is Dessy’s meal and the other is Tuscan’s friend.

~ “Behave or you’ll be the next meal of my caretaker over there!”

YANDERE UNDERFELL MONSTER KID AS A FRIEND:

~Penny would probably be a little bit unsure about being friends with you. You see, she’s friends with Fawn, and she’s not sure if the girl would actually spare you or not. But outside of that, Penny would be very controlling of your life.

~Penny would want to know everything about your life and what you are doing. She needs to know or else she will drive herself insane. If you won’t follow the rules she gives you, she will need to ask Fawn to hurt you.

~ “You are my friend, but if you don’t follow the rules, I’ll tell Fawn, and she will happily hurt you...”

~Penny will soon start filtering who you can talk with, who you can be friends with and anyone she doesn’t approve of will be killed off by Fawn. 

~ “I told you to stop being friends with them. It’s your fault they died. Stop crying”

YANDERE UNDERSWAP CHARA AS A FRIEND:

~Cinnamon was such a sweetheart, wasn’t she? The best friend you could ever have, but why were all your other friends dying? Well, of course, because Cinnamon wasn’t as good as she liked to fake being.

~Like Frisk, Cinnamon was cruel and selfish, but she hid it behind a smile and a cheerful facade. It was always her who would start the genocide runs and not Buttercup.

~ “Well, I’m not going anywhere! Don’t worry!”

~She will threaten people to leave you alone and get Stretch and Lucky to do the dirty work for her too, in case someone is too strong for her alone.

~ “Don’t worry! Things will be better now, I promise!”

YANDERE UNDERSWAP ASRIEL AS A FRIEND:

~Tawny was honestly a funny guy. And he wasn’t bad at all at the beginning. Just a guy with big dreams and a wish for his parents to stop fighting and get back together. The fact that he was of the same monster species as the king and queen also would get things pretty confusing!

~Tawny would start to change when he would notice you straying away from him. He was the best friend you could ever want, why where you left him? No, don’t go, please. He’s alone without you...

~ “I promise I’ll be better! Please don’t go away...”

~Tawny would be desperate and he would probably kidnap you. He never did something like this, so he was afraid. Afraid of ruining your friendship completely.

~ “I-I promise to let you go, but for now, you need to stop screaming!”

YANDERE UNDERSWAP FRISK AS A FRIEND:

~Buttercup was quiet but a good friend. She always made sure to help you and stood up to you when you would be bullied. In general, she was the best friend you could ever have. 

~Because of her ghostly form, she would probably make it a habit to follow you around, and making sure that no one is hurting you. She would never kill someone, but she can always scare them away from you.

~ “Oh? They stopped harassing you? That’s great, isn’t it?”

~ She is one of the better people to be friends with because she actually is a true pacifist, so even as a yandere, she would never kill anyone and would make sure to keep you safe and happy.

~ “You’re the greatest, you know that?”

YANDERE UNDERSWAP MONSTER KID AS A FRIEND:

~Cantaloupe is a serious person, but also very gentle when you get to know him. He rarely ever goes out anywhere, so he is very thankful to have you as his friend.

~His favorite thing to do would always spoil you in riches as much as possible. He knew that buying things for others wasn’t going to gain him true friendship but he felt like you actually wanted to be friends with him.

~ “Hey... heard you wanted this... Here you go”

~Cantaloupe would probably scare most of the other people away from you, as he was the heir and no one wanted to mess with someone related to the heir.

~ “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to make you have no other friends... Want to play with me?”

YANDERE SWAPFELL CHARA AS A FRIEND:

~Pitch is the most cheerful and kind person that you will ever find. He’s absolutely great, and there is no way around it. But the problem is that he doesn’t realize when he is hurting people. Because of that, Pitch doesn’t have any other friends outside of you and Mutt, who doesn’t usually mind being hurt, and tells him when he is doing something bad.

~Pitch would probably invite you to hang out with him and Mutt all the time, having a lot of sleepovers and in general, having a lot of fun together. 

~ “Man, I’m so glad you two are my friends! You are the greatest!”

~Sadly... Pitch gets jealous very easily. If he sees you talking with someone else, he is more than likely going to accidentally snap the necks of the person, not being able to believe that someone dared to take your time away from him!

~ “How rude! Anyways, wanna hang with me and Mutt?”

YANDERE SWAPFELL ASRIEL AS A FRIEND:

~Cobalt is a very collected and quiet young man. Because of that, he is usually seen as very boring, so not many people are around him. But he is very strong, so with him, you will always be protected from anyone who might try to get free exp from you.

~Cobalt will probably follow you around, quietly, and without asking for your permission, all the time whenever he is not busy with his work. And when he is busy, he does track you with his magic.

~ “... Don’t go to Waterfalls... It’s dangerous there”

~Cobalt tries to not kill people, but he does hurt them very badly if they try to hurt you too. But he’ll mostly do it so you don’t see it. He doesn’t want you to think badly of him.

~ “... Are you okay?”

YANDERE SWAPFELL FRISK AS A FRIEND:

~Chartreuse was... well, he is very controlling. You are his, no matter if you are just his friend, enemy, or lover. The moment you get to know him, you are naturally his property. 

~His position as the next king really has gotten to his head, as he doesn’t care about what you want or how you feel about him controlling so much of your life.

~ “I’m the prince and future ruler of the monster race. Do not defy me, or you will be executed”

~He will get everyone you know executed almost immediately after befriending you and then moving you to the castle, where he knows how you are all the time.

~ “From this day on, you are my property. Do not defy my word or you will die like everyone you knew”

YANDERE SWAPFELL MONSTER KID AS A FRIEND:

~Peacock wasn’t always so bad, but because of her older brother, she has learned that the only way to get what she wanted was by following a sort of rule sets that she had put for herself. She learned that only by acting better than everyone else would she become better than everyone else.

~The reason why Peacock liked you so much was that you dared to defy her word, unlike everyone else. That made her be freer around you and actually start to enjoy her time with someone.

~ “I’m glad I know you”

~Like Chartreuse, she would use her status to get people executed, but only when she would see that they were taking too much of your time, or telling you to stay away from her.

~ “Do not listen to those traitors!... Or you will be executed too...”

YANDERE FELLSWAP CHARA AS A FRIEND:

~Mohagany is a very strong person. Fighting through a lot of trials, she doesn’t let people stomp on her. And because you are her friend, she doesn’t let people stomp on you too.

~Mohagany has the strongest justice sense you could ever think. She will always make sure that people around her protected, especially you. That’s why she is quick to get into fights.

~ “Don’t you EVER harass my friend again, you hear me?!”

~Mohagany is actually in an on and off relationship with Patch, that’s why he will often be around you two. But if you would ever be interested in Patch, she would happily give him up for you.

~ “Hey, if he can make you happy, then take him. I want you to be happy, okay?”

YANDERE FELLSWAP ASRIEL AS A FRIEND:

~Flaxen was always bored with everything. Everything WAS boring, so why wouldn’t be bored? Well, everything was boring except for you. You were the only high light of his day.

~Flaxen is very possessive of you, not wanting someone else to take you away from him, so he would usually make you follow him around, or stay in his house until he would be around you.

~ “Unless you want to get killed, you will follow what I tell you”

~Flaxen will try to make sure that you are comfortable every single time you are with him. You make his days better, so he wants to make sure that your days are good too.

~ “I’ll keep you safe, alright? Just trust me”

YANDERE FELLSWAP FRISK AS A FRIEND:

~Canary’s whole existence is to help people. She loves helping people and she will keep helping everyone, especially you. It’s what makes her feel like she can live again.

~Canary sadly would be a very clingy person. She would always be stuck to you like glue, be it in her visible or spirit form, just watching you no matter what, not being able to get enough of you.

~ “Oh, don’t mind me! I’m just watching you! Always”

~Canary doesn’t hurt anyone but she can easily start begging you to stop talking with other people because you are killing her.

~ “Please, stop! I’m all you need, don’t do this to me!”

YANDERE FELLSWAP MONSTER KID AS A FRIEND:

~Jaded always was afraid of everything. No matter what it was, she couldn’t do anything without feeling like she was afraid of it. That was until you came around and finally made her feel comfortable. She was happy and didn’t want to let you go.

~Jaded would immediately force you into moving into the castle with her, so the two of you could always be together. She offered to take in your family too if you wanted.

~ “Don’t worry, everything was going to be great now!”

~Jaded would never let you leave her sight, otherwise, she would start getting fussy about it. You were here because of her, and she wasn’t going to let you leave anywhere.

~ “Stop trying to sneak away! It’s very rude”

YANDERE STORYSHIFT CHARA AS A FRIEND:

~Toffee would be a flirty friend. She would always be around you, touching you and flirting with you, but don’t worry, she is just joking.

~If you do not contact her in a few days, she gets very panicked and she might try to come and find you, too afraid to find out if something happened to you or not.

~ “Don’t worry me like this! I thought you died or something!”

~Toffee would probably try to get you and Plum together. She wanted to have both of her favorite people in one place, so why not make you two date?

~ “Come onnnn! My bro’s totally your type. He’s everyone’s type!”

YANDERE STORYSHIFT ASRIEL AS A FRIEND:

~From the moment that you become his friend, Plum would be very possessive of you and would make sure that you are always taking good care of yourself. If he catches you not taking care of yourself... Well, you can say goodbye to your freedom. If you can’t take care of yourself, he will take care of you instead.

~Every single day, he will arrive at your house and prepare you breakfast, make sure that you clean yourself, and would make sure that your house is squicky clean. He has a slob for a sister, so he can’t stand messy homes.

~ “You better take care of yourself, or else!”

~He will probably try to get you with his older sister. You are someone very important for him, and Toffee needs to finally settle down and have someone good for her, so why not you?

~ “Toffee is really perfect, I’m sure you both will get along. Please, at least go on one date with her?”

YANDERE STORYSHIFT FRISK AS A FRIEND:

~Pebble is similar to Frisk, but unlike Frisk, she doesn’t use the reset button after she promises that she will never use it again. The only reason she might use it would be if you would end up dying, but again, she would ask Toffee for permission beforehand, as she does have a slight crush on the woman.

~Pebble is a very sweet friend and has a great sense of humor. Every day with her is just filled with lots of fun and laughter. 

~ “I’m so happy you are my friend! Let’s never stray away, okay?

~Pebble is very clingy, and she has stalkerish tendencies. The chance of her following you around is huge because she couldn’t really imagine how her life would be without knowing your every move.

~ “I’m so happy you are so understanding of my problem!... You are understanding, right?” 

YANDERE STORYSHIFT MONSTER KID AS A FRIEND:

~Moss and you probably knew each other because you both lived in Snowdin for a long time. You could even say that you two were childhood friends, so you knew very well about his... staring tendencies.

~No matter what, he is always watching you. Staring at you and never breaking eye contact even when you catch him watching you. 

~ “... Hi...?”

~Moss barely speaks, and because of that, he can come off as someone very creepy. A lot of people avoid him because of that.

~ “... Do you want to take  a walk with me...?”

[gallavictorious]

Do you think Mickey feels he got closure with terry?

Short answer and based on what we’ve seen so far: not really, no. Or rather: not yet.

Long (and I do mean really quite long) answer below.

Admittedly, writing on this topic now, before we’ve seen how Mickey deals with the aftermath of Terry’s death in the next episode, strikes me as a bit of a fool’s errand, because what we get on Sunday will (probably, hopefully) offer us more insight into how he feels about his dad and their relationship now. But I am fascinated with the subject, so I’m going to go ahead and indulge in rambling, though with the proviso that everything below is a tentative analysis that might well need to be revised once 11x09 has aired. As always, I’m glad of other people’s input, because I suspect I’m nowhere near done forming my opinion on this.

Before we start, I’d like to note that this post solely and specifically addresses how Mickey reacts to his dad and trauma on the show; it’s not a statement on how actual live trauma victims should or should not relate to their abusers. That really, really isn’t for me to say. Okay?

All right, then. Let’s get to it:

Following 10x12 I thought that Mickey was pretty much done with Terry; as far as he was concerned, that bridge was burned once Terry burned down The Bamboo Lotus, and even though they must have reached some sort of unspoken cold war type of truce (ie not actively trying to kill one another) Mickey seemed content to ignore his dad. No more asking for advice; no more helping out with various “jobs”; no more attempts at some semblance of a relationship, be it a cordial one or a murderous one. What we got in 11x06 didn’t really change that: seeing Terry thus weakened understandably stirred a lot of emotion in Mickey but both his choice not to kill his dad and his choice to eventually help him have arguably less to do with Terry or Mickey’s relationship to him, and more to do with what sort of person Mickey wants to be. At that point, he chooses to be a man stepping away from his father’s hateful legacy, wanting to be better than that. (And by God, Mickey dearest, you are so much better than that.) And that could have been the end of it, you know? That could have been closure of a sort – not in the sense that it in any way healed the wounds of the past, but in the sense that it signified Mickey finding a way to live with the hurt that allows him to move forward.

Now, we knew (from the episode descriptions) this wasn’t the end of their story, but I was still surprised by Mickey’s overt preoccupation with Terry in 11x08. This isn’t just someone doing the (more than) decent thing to be a decent person, this is genuine concern for Terry’s welfare – and while part of it might be tied to the ingrained idea that “family is family” and while Mickey is still very much aware of the fact that Terry is an utter piece of shit, it’s very hard not to read this as Mickey – once more, and probably without fully acknowledging it– being driven by a latent wish for his father’s approval, that need for connection. (As I’ve argued before, I think that’s why Ian’s not necessarily very enthusiastic about Mickey’s dedication, even though he thinks everyone should receive aid and even though he probably is quite taken with Mickey being so caring.)

But while I didn’t really see it coming, I do like it. I get why you’d rather have him finally and vocally and possibly violently denounce his dad; it’d be cathartic, surely, for a lot of people to see that. But to me, what we get feels truer to the complex push and pull of their fractured bond and is quite frankly more interesting to me because it is messy and complicated and unfinished. Terry is a nightmare; he’s still Mickey’s dad; the relationship between an abusive parent and a child is often highly complex, and I think the show has done a consistently good job of showing that. 11x08 is no exception. You might think Mickey should tell his dad to fuck of once and for all because Terry doesn’t deserve Mickey’s time or devotion (I mean, he really doesn’t), but I find it highly realistic that Mickey would opt for this instead now that it’s a possibility. (It’s relevant to note, I think, that Mickey only allows himself to approach Terry again when Terry is helpless and not in a position to actually harm him; Mickey’s ultimately in control here, and I think that’s very important.)

So yeah, I think Mickey is searching for something from his dad still, but I don’t think he quite gets it. Can’t get it, really.

See, I believe that Terry, to some small degree at least, regrets not having a better relationship with Mickey: that’s how I read “you’d probably have made a half-decent son”. However, his regret isn’t tied to any notions of “I wish I’d been better and given another chance I’d try to do things differently” but instead an expression of “yeah, it suck’s that you’re gay so I had to hate you”. It’s not an acceptance of responsibility or even a vague hint of being willing to change or to accept Mickey for who he is, and because of that – because Terry is not willing or able to change and because Mickey will no longer accept anything less – Mickey’s potential but unvoiced dreams of reconciliation cannot be fulfilled. (And let’s be clear: even if Terry did repent and changed and made what amends he could that doesn’t undo or make up for the damage he has done and Mickey has zero obligation to forgive him or spend even another second in his company.)

So it’s not enough – what could be? – but it is something. A grudging acknowledgment of Mickey’s good qualities, an admission that he is desirable as a son – or would be, if it weren’t for that one thing. :/ It’s recognition and rejection all wrapped into one, and I really like Mickey’s response: he makes it clear that he knows that he’s not the problem here and that he’s fully aware of what an evil bastard Terry is but that he still chooses to be there; chooses to feed Terry and find him a nurse, rather than scoop his eyeballs out or piss on him or use his mouth for a fucking ashtray.

It reminds me of a passage from the Swedish novel Beartown by Fredrik Backman: “She will hold all the power in that moment, but she will spare him. She doesn’t forgive, she doesn’t pardon, she merely spares him. He will always know it.” (2017[2016]:466, my translation.)

It’s remarkable too, I find, that Mickey doesn’t try to hide his hurt here: he allows himself to be vulnerable, to let his father see the pain he has caused. And Terry doesn’t pounce on it; he doesn’t scorn Mickey’s “weakness” or argue with his denunciation; he accepts the judgement and opens his mouth to accept the food without further protest, accepting – in that moment, at least – what Mickey chooses to give him. He concedes his loss of power and his dependance on the son he tortured and disowned. (But it’s not like he gives fully either – there’s no apology, no thanks, no actually asking for help: he just opens his mouth. It’s a lot for Terry, and I think we can acknowledge that, but it doesn’t change the fact that he is an utter and total asshole – and I’m glad that the show didn’t have him do more, because that would have felt… unlikely to me.)

It’s such a small thing, and so far less than what Mickey deserves, but probably more than he expected at this point. In time I think it will be helpful to him, to have gotten even this much, but at the time of Terry’s death I’d argue that it adds to rather than lessens Mickey’s burden. Because it’s possible that this could serve as a bookend to their relationship: not a reconciliation but as much of peace as they’ll ever know – eyes lifted to momentarily meet across the abyss in one brief instance of seeing, and being seen by, one another. But going only by what we get in 11x08 I don’t think that this is quite it, and rather than Mickey (in the moment) taking this as the final word or where they stand I think that he – in spite of everything Terry has done – can’t help but think of this exchange as an opening, the potential start of something. Not sure it’s a conscious thing, or how comfortable he is with this notion, because of course he is still very angry with and hates his dad, but consider the way he keeps looking at his phone and insisting they check back in with the nurse: that’s not the actions of someone who has laid things to rest and let it go, that’s Mickey doubling down on being a concerned son and… Yeah. As things stand, I tend to think that he was hoping against hope that maybe, possibly–

And then Terry is dead and Mickey is left with all of his conflicting emotions and nothing to do with them. It’d have been easier, probably, if it hadn’t been for that tiny, tiny softening; that small flare of hope I think Mickey might be quite angry with himself for feeling, if he admits to feeling it at all. It’d be easier if he could just hate Terry, you know?

Now, we don’t know what Mickey would have done if Terry (and that’s a big fucking if) had ever indicated any actual regret. But whether Mickey would have wanted that opportunity to rekindle a relationship with his father or if he’d have used to spit in Terry’s face and spend five hours telling him why Mickey would never forgive him and felt nothing but hatred and revulsion for him, that choice was forever and finally taken from him.

However, I don’t think this means that Mickey won’t find closure; I believe he will, and I think – hope – that we’ll get to see some of that in the next episode. Because the thing about Terry not being willing or able to change means that he would never have been able to give Mickey what he truly needed anyway (and as mentioned, even if he did change there’s no undoing his crimes). It was always going to come down to Mickey finding a way to live with the scars; finding a way to make some sort of peace with the past (which doesn’t have to include making peace with Terry at all) and to let it be the past. He doesn’t strictly speaking need Terry for that and given what an asshole Terry is, maybe it’s actually easier to manage it when he’s not around to fuck it up.

So yeah. It’s not likely to be sweet or neat or even very conclusive – these things rarely are and recovery is a process – but I think that Mickey will get some closure one way or another, and I believe that in the end he’ll be glad for the tiny moment they shared just before Terry’s death, even if it’s a complicating factor now.

(It should also be noted that Terry isn’t horrible just as an evil response to Mickey being gay; he was plenty horrible to him and the rest of his kids outside of that too. Consider Mickey listing the awful things Terry did when Mickey was just a kid; consider Mandy telling Debbie in season 5 that she learned how to cover up a bruise form living with Terry. The attempted murder(s) and corrective rape and disowning Mickey was a result of Terry’s virulent homophobia, but he was an awful father long before he knew Mickey was gay. So even without the homophobia, there’d be a hell of a lot to hate him for.)

There’s certainly more to say on this topic, and I think that we’ll have reason to return to it come Sunday - but for now, that’s most of my thoughts, I think.

[haileyyanneupton]

close my eyes - part two

CHICAGO P.D - JAY HALSTEAD X HAILEY UPTON 

WARNINGS: MENTION OF ABUSE

READ PART ONE HERE

“It’s you, Hailey. It’s been you since the day I first met you.”

The second the words left his mouth that night, it was as if time froze in place. Hailey couldn’t help but stare into Jay’s eyes as he did the same, her heart squeezing in her chest with a million different emotions that were trying to rush through her body all at the same time. Everything was silent — but the good kind of silent, the peaceful kind — everything motionless except for Jay and Hailey. She didn’t know what to say, neither did he. But what they did know was that they didn’t want their romance to be born out of the sadness that still lingered in the room. After verbalising her feelings to Jay, who agreed wholeheartedly, Hailey already had a good feeling about what was to come — none of her ex-partners had ever made her feel so safe, so comfortable that she could communicate as freely as she could with Jay. It was a good sign, leaving the two optimistic when Jay left later that night though it was made very clear the the conversation wasn’t over, nor were they on bad terms.  For the first time in far too long, Hailey felt a glimmer of hope within her heart.

They took it slow at first, not wanting to rush into things in case it wasn’t what they wanted after all. Monday nights became designated movie nights for the new couple, and despite the fact that Hailey always insisted that she would be able to make it though the entirety of whatever film they had chosen that night, she would always fall asleep with her head against Jay’s chest and the bowl of popcorn they had been sharing in her arms every single time. Jay didn’t mind though — not one bit. She was a surprisingly heavy sleeper, meaning he could finish the movie before he too fell asleep on the couch, nothing but a blanket draped over the two of them as they slept through until the early hours of the morning. Jay took the time to admire the woman, running a hand through her hair absentmindedly as he studied every inch of her face, her lips and even her long eyelashes that would tickle him when they pressed their foreheads together and kissed each other goodbye in the morning. He was infatuated with her, with every part of her — this was what he wanted.

Hailey found herself staring at Jay from afar while he went about daily tasks. He was intoxicating, like a drug, making her feel euphoric whenever she was near him. She’d watch him pour a cup of coffee, watch him pin clues up at work. Everything he did was just so captivating — she could watch him forever and never get bored. And when he would catch her staring at him, he’d shoot her this lopsided smirk that make her heart go crazy, squeezing and pulling with the upmost force as she forgot how to breathe momentarily. Hailey had always been one to appreciate the grace and beauty in others — Jay was no exception.

Vanessa and Trudy had a great time when it came to discussing Jay and Hailey. Both of them knew what was going on despite the fact that Jay and Hailey hadn’t said a word about it to any other living soul, but both Officer Rojas and Sergeant Platt were just too good. They saw the looks. The smiles. Vanessa even caught the two of them just holding each other one time in the locker room after Jay had been shot at for the millionth time while working a case — it had really freaked Hailey out to know that the man she had fallen for could be taken away from her at any moment.

“Look at them.” Trudy rolled her eyes playfully as she turned to Vanessa who was standing beside her behind the desk as the pair of them looked over at Jay and Hailey. “Unbelievable.”

“If I catch them kissing, then I’m going to be simultaneously grossed out and very happy for them.”

“Why’s that, Rojas?”

“Because Jay and Hailey are my unofficial parents and I’m an unofficial child. Therefore kissing passes on cooties, and that makes kissing gross.”

“Right, because you and Kevin totally aren’t —“

“Oh crap! I think I left the oven on at Hailey and I’s place, and if it burns the house down then I’m in big trouble. Gotta go, Sarge.”

Slowly, more people ended up finding out. First it was Kim, then Adam, then Kevin after Vanessa had accidentally blabbed to him. Before they could do anything, practically everybody knew except Voight — well, that was until Voight silently slid a set of HR forms onto their desk one morning with a smirk before going on about his daily business. Jay in particular knew that was their boss’s way of giving them his blessing, the gesture one that made them all let out a breath they hadn’t known they were holding. Kim had said something at Molly’s about Voight kicking all of their asses when he found out that the rest of the unit and half of the patrolmen knew, but both Hailey and Jay had a theory that he was simply turning a blind eye to it for as long as he could to save himself the paperwork. Voight wasn’t exactly the kind of guy who enjoyed that side of the police work.

Still taking it slow, Jay and Hailey started spending more and more time outside of work together. Some days, he would stay at her house while other’s would be spent with the two of them at Jay’s. Hailey knew that on days that she was at her partner’s house, Vanessa loved it because she could invite Kevin over and they’d have the place to themselves. Jay loved it too — being able to wake up in the mornings after sleeping the entire night peacefully with Hailey by his side, her hair skew across her face and onto the pillow messily was perfect. Everything about her was perfect. Hailey knew that the sleep she was getting beside Jay was the best sleep she had ever gotten — being  in his arms made her feel safer than she ever had before. She had always been a light sleeper — growing up in a house where you had to watch your back all the time to avoid being hit would do that do you — but when she was with Jay, she could let her guard down. She didn’t have to worry about anything while she was with Jay — if she could have it her way, she’d never leave his side.

One night, the Intelligence unit had gone out for drinks in celebration of closing a case they had been working for over a month. Adam had bought a round of tequila shots to start off the night, a decision that only ended in chaos for anybody who wanted to stay at least a little bit in control of the words coming out of their mouth that night. An hour in and Hailey was already three shots and a bourbon down, Jay coming in close behind with two shots and a beer. While Kim was definitely the most drunk out of everybody at Molly’s, the woman dancing with her arms wrapped around Adam’s neck while Kevin and Vanessa laughed at the two from the pool table. Hailey and Jay sat up at the bar for hours, long after everybody else had left as the couple got lost in conversation. Though they had started off talking about their opinions on different drinks, soon enough they had migrated to the topic of them, together.  

“What — what even are we?” Jay asked, his words slurring into each other ever so slightly as he took another sip from his beer bottle. “Are we friends with benefits? Boyfriend and girlfriend? I never know what to say because we’ve never talked about it.”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. I like what we are. Who says we need a label? We’re Jailey and — Hay — Hailey and Jay.”

Jay let out a small chuckle at Hailey’s drunken name-mix-up, his eyes twinkling in admiration. “I know, but. . . I wouldn’t be opposed to being your boyfriend if — if that’s what you wanted.”

“It wouldn’t be so bad to be your girlfriend, either.” Hailey’s cheeks flushed red. “It’s about time, hey? We’ve only been seeing each other for six months.”

Jay and Hailey shared in a laugh as they caught each other’s eyes, staring for a while as they each took in the moment. Things had gotten so much better since they had stopped fighting their feelings and instead embraced them — a heavy weight had been lifted off of both of their chests.

“Hey Herrmann,” Hailey called out to the man behind the bar as she broke her gaze away from Jay’s eyes. “You still have that gumball machine thing that gives you a plastic ring with a cartoon character on it that Otis bought?”

“'Course I do,” Herrmann nodded over at the blonde. “I still don’t know why he bought that thing. Nobody ever used it except for him — I’m just glad I didn’t pay for it. It’s in the back. . . I couldn’t get rid of it.”

Hailey shot a sympathetic look over at the man. “Do you mind if I use it real quick?”

“Be my guest, Detective,” Herrmann picked up the towel he was using to wipe down the bar as he threw it over his shoulder and gestured for the woman to follow him.

Hailey smirked at the bewildered look on Jay’s face as the followed the firefighter into the storeroom, the man pointing at the red machine with a knowing expression. As Hailey fed in a dollar, out came a round ball with a Mickey Mouse ring inside of it, taking it into her hand as she thanked Herrmann and came back out to Jay, who was waiting patiently.

“What are you planning?” Jay teased lightly, his head tilted to the side curiously as Hailey pulled the ring from the plastic ball. “Wait a minute — isn’t this meant to be my job? Why are you proposing to me with a Mickey Mouse ring?”

“Okay firstly, I’m not proposing. We just established the fact that we’re girlfriend and boyfriend, so don’t get ahead of yourself. Secondly? Shut up and let me be romantic for once, you idiot.”

Jay pretended to zip his lips with a laugh as Hailey began.

“I never thought I would meet someone who makes me feel as amazing as you do. Every time you’re around me I feel safe and warm and I can never stop smiling, even if most of the time it’s because I’m laughing at the dumb things you do. Right before I fall asleep at night, just as my eyes close, I see you and your smile and your eyes and I wouldn’t have it any other way. With this Mickey Mouse ring, I promise to be yours and only yours, forever. Even if we’re taking it slow right now, I’m still just as in love with you as I was yesterday and as I’ll be tomorrow, Jay Halstead.”

Though the ring didn’t even fit halfway down his finger, neither Jay or Hailey minded too much. Jay pulled Hailey up onto his lap as he kissed her, Hailey wrapping her arms around his neck loosely before her head found the crook of his neck with a goofy, slightly inebriated grin. The alcohol had washed away all of her anxieties and inhibitions, leaving her to be able to say what she wanted to say to the man without restraint.

“Hailey Anne Upton,” Jay started, his voice only loud enough for her to hear as he whispered by her ear. “Every single day that I spend with you, you teach me something new. Today, you taught me that no matter what happens, no matter how crazy things get — I’ll be fine as long as I stick by your side.”

Hailey scrunched up her nose as she tilted her head back slightly to look up at Jay, his arm still cupping her hip to stop her from sliding off of his leg. Jay bent down just a little bit as the couple pecked each other’s lips lovingly.

“I love you.”

“I love you."

hahaaa okay so this one wasn’t very good but i tried i’m sorry eeee

@bluecrush129

@snowwhite013

[popculturebuffet]

Star Vs: Monster Bash Review or “Holy Shit Concentrated Into An Episode”

Hello everybody! I’m Jacob Mattingly and welcome back to my tom lucitor retrospective, where I go through every major apperance of everyone’s faviorite demon boy boy. In case you watch my schedule or reguarlly read this blog, and if so thank you.. especially you Kevin your a peach, you’ll know this one got pushed back two weeks because the day it was scheduled.. was the day AFTER the US Capitol Insurgency. So yeah an episode HEAVILY dealing with racisim, with a downer ending and a lot to dig into on the same day a bunch of racists stormed the captail to try and illegally keep another racist in office due to his bullshit claims the electoin was fraud, when it wasn’t he just can’t admit he lost, and their own idocy, violence and hatred was not something I could handle that day and I did some mickey mouse instead.  But while the effects of said riot are still being felt, and unlike many republicans are saying we shouldn’t just “move on” or “try to heal” because the wound needs to be properly examined so the people who carved our country open with a rusty knife can be prosecuted for it, enough time has passed that I can get back on the horse and eat that horse when it comes to this episode. Also expect new tomtrospective weekly with some exceptions till it’s done. So with the real world reasons for the delay out of the way, on with the show.  Previously on Star Vs: Star had a full subplot dealing with her super powered mewberity form, which was now golden and creating bunches of portals. While she wanted to just let it go loose on Eclipsa’s suggestoin, eventually it caused too much damage and Hekapoo was livid when Marco revealed he’d been covering for her and Star, realizing her friend was running himself ragged and ruined a friendship to help her, went to the source of all magic to fix things, metting the baby unicorns and with thier help gaining control over her form. While she does not use it given she JUST got it before this episode, it’s very relevant and makes her come off very stupid but we’ll get to that

In more directly relevant stuff, and our main event, we need to talk about Ms. Henious. Ms. Henious was introduced all the way back in Season 1 as head of St. Olga’s School for Wayward princsesses. She’s voiced by Jessica Walter, aka Malory Archer, Lucille Bluth and .. Fran Sinclair from dinosaurs?

I’ll process that later. Point is she’s a talented lady and voiced Henious perfectly. Henious ran the school as a nightmarish hellhole that stripped away princsesses indviduality when they became too much for their parents. Granted some did genuinely need to be reigned in, Pony went there and so did princess squishy a princess that tried to reinact the plot of face off despite her and star not even being the same species let alone looking remotely similar.. she also liked to say camera phone a lot despite all phones being camera phones for over a decade. 

But again like most reform schools it’s a hell hole dedicated more to beating and psyihholically tourturing the rebel or asshole out of you than actually helping so Star and Marco broke in to break out. It naturally was difficult and strenious but in the process our heroes freed the other girls and Marco became feminsest icon Princess Marco. And Marco’s possible gender fluidity, or being trans,  was well loved and while he was later said to hate the princess marco idntenity later.. I still dont’ quite buy it and feel Disney just wanted to nip any implications in the bud. Because their stupid and often non-inclusive to the queer community and have to be fought to get inclusivity in there half the time. Could’ve been clumsy writing and the writers not getting people really relating to marco possibly being gender fluid or trans, which given this season’s clumsy writing with marco in general I could buy, but i’m banking more on disney, where one executive can somehow stonewall gay representation because apparnetly one guy was the one who objected to enchanting grom fright.. and he can also go fuck himself with an old rhino’s horn. Which horn is up to you. Also we got two major hints at the future iwth her: a creepy mural star found of monsters and Henious being revealed to have cheek marks she supressed with her very own brainwashing machine. 

Our heroes revolution had uintetional side-effects as St.O’s became a party school, though it’s students actually still came back better for the moast part. Henious was thrown out, reduced to sleeping in her car with her manservant gemini and sending Rasticore, a septarian mercinary afer star.. and then carrying his arm around when he got reduced to that.. not because of star but because of a rogue gift card. We don’t have time to unpack that, so she later tried attacking one more time in season 2, in one of the single worst episodes of the series, as she attacked and Marco’s Parents, instead of being concerned about the strange woman and man and lizard man arm attacking thier children, were more concerned about.. tehir cool neighbors. which could’ve been funny but just got frustrating, especially because Marco defended himself well, pointing out while he trashed her school, and gets merchandising rights from princess marco merch, she you know, brainwashed innocent to semi innocent children and was in general horrible and his parents are only humoring her because they were both out of hte loop, which due to this being shortly before star and marco leaves amounts to nothing, and because of the stupid plot. 

So after that we got one more apperance in season 3 with her trying to expose marco as a boy to turn the princsses against him and get her school back.. but it was clearly a desperate and flimsy plan and they knew that already, and don’t care because their accepting. And again have done better without her so she gets thrown out and swore revenge on Marco, and here we are.  Finally, since returning Star’s been more active in monster rights, replacing their old batshit insane and patronizingly racist expert with Buff Frog and starting a position to get royal signatures. Obviously this dosen’t sound like the most effective way to do things but it’s both teenager accurate and not the worst plan i’ve heard from a teenager this week.. granted that’s also because I covered a teenager trying to win back her good for not a lot 23 year old boyfriend by stabbing his current girlfriend he left her for a bunch, so it’s not exactly a high bar to clear. So outside of the golden form thing, which i’ll get to in the review proper why I brought that up, that’s what’s all built up to this the mid season finale. While Stump Day DID come after this, I chose to cover it before it since it both takes place before that and feels out of place in the very story heavy episodes after it. So with that out of the way we’ll be taking a look at the full episode and Star’s horrible, no good, very bad night under the cut. 

We open at the Monster Temple, that place Ludo and Toffee were headquartered at for season 2 and the battle of mewni mini, where Star is holding a PARTY!

This.. this came up when I typed party. I don’t know why and I don’t WANT to know. I mean party is in the name.. is that a party line? Is this phone sex? No.. just no.. I don’t want dirty sweaty pigs in my phone sex.. I want Rocko like a gentlemen. 

Now THAT’S hot. And honestly with what i’ve admitted about myself at this point, can you genuinely tell if i’m joking or not?  Point is Marco and Rich Pidgeon are pitching in. Oh yeah those of you who didn’t get this far in the series, again hi kevin, might wonder wait whose that... well he’s a rich pidgeon, part of the pidgeon kingdom a kingdom of pidgeons that moved into another family’s castle, presumibly killed them, the book wasn’t specific on that and is now just a large bunch of pidgeons that don’t talk human except rich and get all creepy. They also have an excutioner which is as great a visual as you imagine. 

That and Marco tried faking singing rich singing it by shving a pien in his foot and making him sign it.. he didn’t know he was fully sapient but still. But it’s also season 3 marco. The fact he didn’t accidently burn the castle down trying to impress star and being mad when she wasn’t happy he comitted arson is an achievement. Rich apparently holds a grudge but says just kiddng.. maybe.. i’d be prepared for a pidgeon with a machete if I were Marco. Thankfully i’m not.. I mean I hate myself enough. 

Anyways the party is in full swing, as both monsters and mewmans are there. On the mewman sides are the royals we met at the Silver Bell Ball and on the monster side are a bunch of monster teens who look up to star we previously met during the Ludo arc in season 2. Pony arrives bringing a photo booth. And kelly! 

And also Johnny Blowhole...

That dolphin what showed up a few times, including in the comic and the show, like most of it’s supporting cast, just sorta forgot. Also was going to be my porn name, just in case till it ended up attached to a fictonal teenager. Did.. did not think naming a character “blowhole” through did they? 

Anyways the party is at “middle school dance” levels of awkward with the monsters and humans on other sides. Rock seems to be getting ready for a racist tyrade and singles out a yak like monster.. only to instead compliment the guy’s ripped jeans and the two compliment each other on horns... turns out the ones Rock always wear aren’t decorative but part of him due to a boating accident. Shame we never got more of this kid. that’s a good kid I tell you what.  But honestly and since the moment is right given their all in this episode.. we never get a lot of the other royals outside of tom and star PERIOD. While Penelope would show up one last time and Larry would make a cameo for the most part their just.. background filler. Even this pettitoin arc was two episodes long. Rich is BRAND new and he gets way more focus.. and even he only gets to show up again for the big “Gondor calls for aid moment” in season 4 where star summoned whoever she could get on short notice. And is the ONLY royal to besides Ponyhead. Larry has an intresting enough design but the underwater kingdom only got featured in the deep trouble tie in comic that got cut short, and he wasn’t created yet so he doesen’t even show up for it. Jagg’s is such a footnote to the creators she dosen’t ever show up after this, and finally Rock, despite being star’s COUSIN and despite his kingdom being specifically mentioned as the hardest to make sympathetic to eclipsa during her own entirely ignored arc trying to win over the other kingdoms, and despite it being where River comes from and thus possibly providing some more insight into that awesome, awesome man.. we get nothing. Hell the Cloud Kingdom of the Ponyeheads ONLY gets two visits despite being home of one of the main cast.. god I just realized Ponyhead was part of the main cast. 

So while I grapple with that, Star figures the punch is too warm and while Marco goes to get ice, she tries to remind him she can do magic and accidently puts it in your standard cartoon ice block.. and being star gets her tounge stuck. Thankfully her savior comes in the form of tom who being.. you know.. tom.. can simply melt it down and reminds her he’s been there the whole time. She’s just been a bit distracted with you know, trying to ease centuries of racial tension in a well meaning but ultimately pointless at best and risky at worst, partay. And dosen’t seem to get WHY she dosen’t want to dance.. even if they do have a REALY fucking cute moment where he leans in to kiss her, she catches him on it.. then blows a raspberry into his mouth when he does and smooches him on the cheek a bunch. 

But the whole thing leaves him as a grumpus venting to marco and boiling the punch.. though at least Marco gets to use that ice now so silver linings and all that. And when marco tries to explain he tells him he dosen’t “talk politics”

My baby boy.. i’m so disapointed in you. And Marco points out as he leaves “your a prince everything you do is political. “. Which is.. HALF true. I mean tom going to the bathroom or eating a taco or taking his grandpa fo ra walk on his leash so he dosen’t gouge anyones eyes out isn’t political.. but he’s also not wrong that being the half demon half mewman son of two royals, DOES mean tom can come off political and one previous episode which he made a cameo in even had Tom being profiled, with a shopkeep who shoed out another monster kid tried that on tom.. only to realize who he was dealing with and beg for mercy he probably only got because Tom’s trying to be a better person now. And I don’t think i’ts even malcious on tom’s part, tom isn’t the most empathetic guy. He’s nice, he’s sweet, and once he knows you he can be really thoughtful.. but as we’ve seen throughout this retrospective.. empathy is something he’s struggled with. He stalked star because he didn’t see HER side of him creeply and obessively persuing her until Marco got through to him. He missed the point of his therapy assignment, seeing it as a goal to get passed instead of hwat brian intended: for him to geninely make amends with someone he hurt. He didn’t get that while star didn’t, at the time, want to date him ignoring her would hurt her... though that on’es not on him. He’s not a bad guy at all but he’s not at all great at reading people or being selfless.

 He’s getting there, stump day showed him put stars needs before Marco’s and not out of any selfish dick measuring contest but because he knew what she wanted and what made her happy, but it’s hard to have empathy for a problem you don’t get how bad it is. To tom it’s just getting stopped once in a while and then having to glower or literally roast someone. To these monsters... it’s a life of being denied a decent standard of living, housing and being treated as a crminal and a beast just for existing. Tom has a fancy castle, loyal subjects, tons of money.. his privlage has insulated him from the real dangers of being the minority he is, of getting beaten up by the cops or arrested just for being a monster. And yes i’m using real world paralells.. but so does the end of this episode so shhh. It’s also a moral that hits home since as a white person, the last year has hit me HARD with just how much I didn’t know about the racial situation in america and how complacient i’d become. I wasn’t actively racist.. but like many americans I had the bad tendency to forget the horrible things that happpend on a daily basis to people of color in this country when it got out of the news. Privlage can blind you, and I cannot speak for if it does so for any real life minorties as i’m not touching a subject i’m not qulaified to talk on due to being super white with a ten foot pole, but I can speak for me that sometimes you just.. dont’ notice a problem unless i’ts happening to you. And while it has happened to tom it’s such a minor inconvience he probably just forgets about it and moves on. And these next two episodes with him, though we have some plot stuff to get too before we get back to Tom in feburary, are him getting his bubble popped and realizing just WHAT Star has been fighting against. And Star’s own privlage will be an issue later.. but we’llg et to that in it’s own time.  So while Tom skulks off Rich startles Marco to get him to do his kung fun hand pose “the sword hand dance” and everyone uses it to dance which Marco understandably objects to until kelly asks him to dance. Cue adorable ship tease.. again this is why i’m thrownig in the kelco episode in the next batch: because the trajectory of this relationship eeerily lines up with tom episodes. No sense avoiding the ONE other episode about the ship , especially if i’m going out of my way to cover the Meteora arc on top of it and my other 80 projects. And regular coverage. And comissions. And you get the idea it’s a lot but i’m happy to do it. 

Meanwhile we meet Slime, a friendly slime monster who introduces himself to penelope and her massive spider bite... and then drips a bit giving her the wrong impression. Thankfully.. this does not turn into the PG-Rated versoin of BLue from the heathers musical. 

No he just was offering to aloe up her spiderbite, and she’s all too happy to accept since her family never thought about it.. though as we see next season their not against it suprisingly. They are still dicks though. But not racist, though that’s a very low bar to clear and only gives them credit because mewni as a whole is pretty racist when it comes to Monsters. Point is I hate their parents but love these ship as the two share some ship tease and go downstairs.. only to get attacked.  Meanwhile, Marco’s getting a goblin dog while being watched by Henious.. who despite Gemini’s objections.. no longer cares about her cheeks as she grins sinesterly and has him play her music, some heavy metal. FORESHADOWING!

Back at the party, Star adreses her public and is all proud and blushy.. till Penelope stumbles in, covered in scars, telling the crowd something took Slime.. and both sides start blaming one another, especially since it turns out a LOT of the monsters have gone missing. So with everything she worked towards and had achieved crumbling, Star calms the crowd and says she’ll investigate. Outside Marco is getting a goblin dog with roy, and wondering why he has strawberry, who orders a strawberry.. who wants that? And then decides to get one out of curiosity which I would but i’m also fat and love strawberries so i’m not a beacon of good decisionmaking. 

So Star grabs him before he can roll that metaphorical dice and passes tom who tries to downplay her concerns and get her to go make out, thinking that’s what’s going on despite that.. making no sense, as a ton of them are missing and 6 is a bit much for polyamory.. I mean it works for some people 

But not everyone can be a majestic space grandma whose also a caterpillar. And their too young to orgy so that’s out too. Point is Tom is an idiot this time and Star RIGHTFULLY calls him out for belitting her cause, not really caring about it, or the other teens who are in danger right now from god knows what and tells him to either help or get out of the way. 

So while Tom licks his well earned wounds, Star and Marco journey into the depths and find a campsite with fresh dog eared pages indicating whoevers behind the abudictions is not only sapient, but still here... oh and it somehow gets worse as they find out WHOSE behind it. 

And a second question you might be having: Who dis. Well this is Mina Loveberry, solarian warrior, whose a legend in Mewni and was one of star’s childhood heroes who she found wondering around homeless and clearly not mentally well in the park on earth.. and then tried to conquer it, but the electoral process stopped her... I don’t know why but a half crazed maniac being defeated by due electoral process makes me feel all warm and fuzzy right now, on this specific day this is coming out late on. Hmmmm.. INTERESTING aint it? 

Point is Mina is a super powerful, super not in her right mind super warrior, who is naturlaly the kidnapper, as this episode also reveals she’s violently racist and assuemed something was up and whiel Star, who despite said cou still loves and respects her and gets she’s not well, tries to talk her down it increasingly becomes clear there’s no reasoning with her. And really with most racists.. there isn’t. Racisim isn’t something that’s rational and while some people are just indocrinated at a young age and CAN be turned around on it.. some are just so deeply up their own ass with hatred you can’t reason with them or save them. You just have to stop them. Via impeaching them, making sure they get called out and taken out of office.. or in this case using rainbows on them.  But we’ll have to wait a second as a bunch of debris falls on mina taking her out!

.. Only to reveal Henious and while Marco’s willing to fight her and her posse, Raasticore grabs star and henious hooks him up to the brainwash machine, probably planning to kill him with it while playing the music

But before she can kill or do worse to one of our heroes.. the door behind them opens up.. and reveals a child’s play room. 

And Henious.. gives up on the attack and enters, disturbing Gemini as she looks around in what’s easily one of the best scene sin the entire series: her slow walk, the way the animation follows her as it sinks in just what Metora might be.. and her picking up two dolls, the ones seen above.. her dolls to Gemini’s increasing discomfort. And while the animation is stellar and utterly moving as we slowly put the pieces together... it’s Walter’s delivery that REALLY STUNS.Gone is the harsh, unforgiving nightmarish woman we’ve known.. and instead is someone whose confused.. and remembering. Remembering WHY she has those cheek marks, remembering this was her room, her home.. and those were her parents. She remembers now.. and Mina rises to say of course she did “I knew you’d be back here one day meteora!” And as Gemini tries to refute this.. Meteora agrees with MIna, no longer henious at last freed form her deep and abusive brainwashing we’ll cover soon enough. And deeply confused. And as everyone else is deeply confused... Mina, not realizing this whole thing was covered up, again we’ll get to that soon too, spells it out for them and the audience in case you missed it. When Star asks how Eclipsa plays into any of this? “Don’t you ding dongs know anything? She’s her mamma!”  (Marco and Star stare in shock as it sinks in) Marco: “Wait HENIOUS is a princess?!”  Star: “she’s a butterfly”

Yeah quite obviously this is one of the biggest wham episodes in the entire series. In one moment we not only find out Henious is indeed a butterflfy as fans thought.. but Eclipsa’s daughter, half monster, and her entire existance raises questions of how much her family hid and if not WHO DID. I mean some of you alreayd know the answer but the rest of you can wait a week.. or a few mintues it’s hinted at soon enough. Point is Star has questions.. questions the violent racist whose pretty messed up in the head for a variety of the reasons and spent decades hunting her.. is not willing to hear out and instead prepares to smite her. While Star tries DESPERATLEY to talk her friend out of this it’s very clear Mina’s not going to listen... so Star rainbow fists her.. and prepares to face her former friend and inspiration for Meteora’s saftey and the answers she BADLY needs right now. Oh and just in case you thought “oh well the magical girl who sounds like amy sedaris can’t be that big a threat”... Yeah I didn’t mention broly for nothing. 

Mina bulked up. Meet Solarian Mina. And like the Legendary Super Sayian form from Dragon Ball.. i’ts a beserker of a form that turns the already obessive and insane Mina.. into an unstoppable rage fuled killing machine with horrifying levels of power who can beat down anyone nearbye. And unlike Broly, where he was just a one in a million fluke in both versions... Mina was PLANNED to be this. The solarian program was something Eclipsa’s mom came up with, a series of spells that slowly turn the target into a rampaging super soldier. It’s like if Nuke from marvel comics, a vietnam era version of captain america who dind’t turn out so good, was INTETIONAL; 

As you can see it removes fear.. but also the targets concisce, so Mina is incapable of empathy or being cure dof her racisim. Solaria turned her from a humble volunteer just hoping ot help and improve her station into the crazed monster star now faces.  And as the Broly comparision should make clear... yeah Star dosen’t do so good and neither does Marco. She shrugs off Star’s hits and while botht he kids and meteora escape, both just piss Mina off MORE, and put star in more danger as she’s thrown around like a ragdoll.  She then runs into tom who shows off his growht: While he was a dick up there.. unlike before where he assumed he was always the wronged party.. he realized he crossed a line and while he dosen’t know WHY he did, is still willing to apologize and presumibly talk about it. A bit clueless yes but it’s effort and his tone is sincre so it’s less “I’m apologizing for whatever I guess” bullshit and more “I genuinely don’t know wha ti did wrong please tell me so I can say sorry”.. which given how awkard tom is with people and how I pointed out his trouble relating to them over htis retrospective, is the more beliviable one.  Naturally while Star does appricate it she’s kinda busy.. and when Tom see’s what’s going on he leaps in with NO hesitation. And given how close the luictors once were and are again with the butterflies it’s doubtful he hadn’t heard of mina so he likely KNOWS what he’s going up against..a nd dosen’t care. His girlfriend needs his help and this person’s trying to hurt her. That’s all he needs to kick her ass. Or try.. unlike with the z warriors.. our heroes don’t win this one. Tom tries a really cool move i’m dubbing the onyx coffin, a black coffin with runes and chains.. that does nothing to her. She breaks out and our heroes flee and Mina causes a massive ruckuss above, and the only reasons our heros don’t die.. is that the knights and Rhombulus of the high comission arrive.  And since the high comission are going to be vastly important a refresher: The high comission were created by glossaryck, the little man who lives in stars book who used to be voiced by an asshole and next season is voiced by keith motherfucking david, to police the multiverse and it’s various issues. The four we know are Lekmet: a goat man who died last season and controlled entropy and could heal at the cost of his own life hence the death, Hekapoo, a close assiocate of marcos who controls the scissors beings use to cross dimensions and can do so herslef effortlessly, Omnitraxus Prime, a powerful and giant antler skulled being who watches space time and timelines and is voiced by Karl Weathers so...

And Rhombulus, a diamond headed he-man reject with snakes for hands becaue his dad is a well documented dickhead.. no really that’s the entire explination i the book of spells: Glossaryck turned his hands to snake to teach him the lesson i’ts hard to get through life with snake hands. He’s a gung ho guy who imprisons the wrost of the worst criminals thus his presence here as Mina clearly had a falling out with the comission and thus flees.  So while Star and Tom are given blankets afterwords and some cocoa, Tom comforts her and admits if nothing else.. he gets it now, having been finally faced with the type of horrible shit monsters have had to deal with in the past and sees why his girlfriend tried hard to help it. But Star.. realizes she can’t fix this that easy. That she dosen’t know enough and clearly ther’es even more than she ever could’ve thought possible she has ot know if she’s going to fix this.. and that it’s not an EASY problem to fix. You really CAN’T fix racisim you can just make society better, but you’ll never be rid of people like Mina. Though this arc will.. yeah in one of the more baffling decisions Mina is given this huge reindrocution, with Amy Sedaris showing that while a very funny lady and a very talented actress as bojack had previously shown off for both.. she can be FUCKING TERRIFYING. But nope, she’s just..g one outside of a cameo, gets beatne off screen and dosen’t become big bad for a season. And I get it, the metora arc needed room.. but you had a WHOLE EXTRA EPISODE to have her defeat mina. Inastead you used it for Marco Jr which amounted to almost nothing and could’ve been saved for season 4 wher eit probably woudln’t of been terrible. I”ll get to that one some day. Point is it’s bad storytelling. 

So yeah Star’s feeling lost, her family history is in flux, she got beaten badly, not horribly injrued but still lost handily, her party ruined and  she was hit with the realization her plans were overly idealistic. Well meaning sure but a party was never going to cure this. Oh and Rhombluus naturally isn’t coming clean about why the temple is off limits or what’s going on here so that dosen’t help.  And somehow.. IT STILL GETS WORSE. The Wizard Cops try to take the monsters in , profling them and not having done so and star thankfully talks them out of it but the monster kids turn down any afterparty or anything. They get she means well tbut hte moment’s over. And their not even excesivley sad.. their just.. used to the police treating them like this. Like less than human, like automatic suspects when THEY were the victims. IT’s nothing new... and god does this feel relevant as hell.

And this i where I meant Star’s privlage bites her: While not as bad as tom, it took some very harsh reality for her to see that solving racisim.. is not only nigh imposisble but not that easy. To her it was easy as a party and friendship and what’s worked before in her fairly shelted world. Advetnures or not she’s still a princess whose never experinced prejudice. In both worlds she’s in the majority. It’s probably why Marco conttoned on to monster racism in seconds during “Menipendence Day’ when Star hadn’t her whole life: to Marco, whose latix and thus dealing with all kinds of racist shit his whole life, it was easier to pick it up. He’s firmly part of his culture.. and thus probably firmly aware of the racism he faces. Star is so insulated she just dosen’t get it till it nearly beat her to death. So yeah Star’s at her lowest point, having failed to make things better, the answer to her questions being lost and not sure what’s real. Metora on the other hand as they dodge the cops.. has ascended. As Gemini calls her henious once last time.. she says that’s not her name. 

“My name is meteora”

SHe’s been dreaming the wrong dream.. and it’s long past time she woke up. 

Final Thoughts;  Monster Bash.. is one of the best episodes in the series. Unlike a lot of Seasons 3 and 4 it dosen’t suffer from lack of proper payoff, as the next few episodes deal with how the fuck any of this is happening and why the fuck any of it happened. Mina’s absence nonwithstanding.. this is one of the series best and most gripping arcs. And the swerve is great: you think i’ts Henious doing the kindappings, only for her not to be the threat again just yet. And for her to be something far more. It’s just masterful, starting iwth fun hyjinks and ending in one of the best nad most nightmarish fights in the series if not the best, watching as our heroes slowly but surely LOOSE.. and THEN it gets worse. Out and out a must watch for the series and a sad sign of what it COULD’VE been had it moved past it’s worst insitncts next season and become what i should’ve been.  Next week: We take a tom break as Eclipsa nad Mon investigate all of this and we get the SECOND biggest wham episode in the series. 

Until the next rainbow, be excellent to each other.

[nightwingshero]

Rosemary, abatina, dill, hollyhock, and sweet pear for whoever you feel like talking about! 💜

Thank you, hun!!! I did a mixture, because I’m missing some old OCs of mine, and some need serious development. Yeah, so it got really long, I am so sorry!

Rosemary: What's their fondest memory?

Blair: It would probably be laying out in the backyard with her dad while they watched the stars, or her dad buying her that nice telescope that he’d use with her. It meant a lot to her that her parents indulged when it came to her interests, they were always supportive. Most of her time was spent at aquariums, the observatory, zoos, and just doing a lot of stuff with her parents. Science fairs were always a blast, because her parents would help. 

Emma: This would be either her and her brother Mark playing in the pond they had or playing football on the beach in the summer. Em would also work on an old Mustang, one she’s still helping him build, and Ash would come over most days and they would all just have a huge dinner in the backyard. Georgia gave decent weather for it. Most of her fondest memories are with her family or Ashton, because they grew up together and did a lot together when Emma’s family moved there. A beautiful, sunny day in Summer always takes her back. 

Quinn: There were times where they would travel back to Russia to visit the remaining members of his mother’s family, and he would love it. Quinn absolutely adored his babushka, and the stories she would tell. His mother would tell the same tales, but it wasn’t the same as how his babushka would tell it. There was also sailing with his father. That was something Quinn thoroughly enjoyed, and it was something they continued on doing until his father died. 

Wren: Definitely playing piano with her mother! That is probably the most precious moment for her. When she plays it now, she still feels as if her mother is there with her. Not only that, but her music teacher was her one good thing growing up. Mrs. Hall taught Wren how to actually play, and when Wren would sneak to lessons (under the guise of studying or going to the library), Mrs. Hall would often bake cookies and brownies for Wren, as if she were her own grandmother. Wren attended her funeral when she passed, and it actually felt like she had lost her grandmother when she heard. But those are memories she holds dear. 

Abatina: Are they very picky or particular about anything?

Blair: Not really, no. Blair is rather easy going and goes with the flow. I think the one thing would be don’t touch her work station. It’s organized chaos with an actual system that only she knows, and she will absolutely lose it if you mess with anything because that’s her life’s work you’re messing with. I think that could be said for any scientist though, and she is very verbal about it. It’s a light reminder, or a happy request until you get too close and she becomes slightly frazzled and makes you keep your distance. 

Emma: She can be an absolute control freak and has to have things a certain way (whether that’s because she was in the Marines or if she inherited it from her mother, who’s to say?) No eating in her cars, don’t touch her guns, and if you’re going along with her on something, you’re following her lead. Ashton, Nora, and even Roach give her hell for it, but honestly? Sometimes she can’t help it. Emma has a habit of taking control of a situation when it calls for it and she’s a super organized and neat person. Everything has it’s place, things are cleaned or done a certain way, and she would rather just do it herself. 

Quinn: His hair and shoes. Listen, Quinn is very boyish in looks (there’s a reason Ryan Gosling is his faceclaim) and his hair is usually neat or done how he wants it. He’s not overbearing about it, he just takes his time with it because he does put care into his appearance. His shoes are shined, his clothes match and his outfit is sharp, he doesn’t go more than a few days without shaving. Once the Collapse happens, it’s one of the things he can control, so he does. Grayson often jokes he’s the prettiest guy of Armageddon, but Quinn laughs with him. 

Wren: She doesn’t like it when other people drive. Having been in a traumatizing car accident, she prefers to be at the wheel for that sense of control. It’s honestly makes her so damn anxious when that’s not the case, and Quinn drives like a damn maniac from time to time in New Dawn. She will cling to something for dear life, and absolutely will backseat drive. It leads to a lot of spats between her and Jane, Quinn, and Ivy. 

Dill: Do they have any rivals?

Blair: I would say that one of the biggest would be John Constantine. Blair is skeptical when it comes to the mystical and supernatural, needless to say, she absolutely does not believe in magic. However, when the Particle Accelerator went off, someone close to her was wearing a totem or a spiritual pendent that got mixed into her meta powers (it’s how she can cosmic project and do some of the things she can with energy manipulation...it also helps balance out her going supernova and such), so...some of her powers are part of the arcane. Johnny knew that the second he met her, so when she gave him grief and became skeptical when he was helping Ollie bring Sara’s soul back, he just smirked at her and went “hate to burst your little bubble, love--” and honestly, they’ve been at it from there.  

Emma: Ha! Emma is competitive and very proud, so yeah, she has rivals, some more fun than others though. For example, her rivalry with Nikolai (and sometimes Price) is who can drink the other under the table. Yuri...well, they ended up in a fist fight on a misunderstanding when they first met, so while he’s working with her and the 141, there’s definitely some rivalry there with them trying to one up the other. She’ll spar with Ghost to see who is better too. Honestly, she’s always up for a challenge, and its something she shares with a lot of her fellow Marines back home--including her cousin and her teammates. 

Quinn: John fucking Seed. Listen, they hate each other, full on loathing, because Quinn isn’t afraid to point out that he’s in a cult and we all know how John is when someone makes him feel insecure and inadequate...with Quinn he very much does, even if that isn’t his intention.  It also doesn’t help that John notices how Quinn looks at his wife from time to time, and he doesn’t appreciate it, but the biggest thing is that Quinn openly challenges him on everything. To Quinn, he wants to poke holes in his logic and show that John isn’t at all what he thinks he is. Quinn is a natural leader, he had been in the Navy, he knows what that looks like and he’s quick to call John out on shit. Wren gives him a bit of a run, too, their rivalry just happens to uh...turn into something else. 

Wren: Holly Pepper and Mary May Fairgrave. Those are the two that gives her the most trouble. In any other scenario (and in most AUs), Wren and Mary May get along just fine, but in canon? Wren straight up punches her in the face. There’s more to it, of course. Wren is being worn down by people wanting her to do this and that for the Resistance, her constantly being pulled in every direction and being forced to give to people without them giving in return. And Mary May wouldn’t shut up about the truck, while saying Wren was dragging her feet on what the Resistance needed done (mostly because Wren was sleeping around with John, but they didn’t know that yet), and Wren just gets overwhelmed with frustration and anger, and straight up punches her in the face and tells her “if you want the truck so damn bad, go get it yourself”, and storms out. Holly Pepper later becomes an issue because she knows John slept around with her, and Holly loves shoving it in Wren’s face. So...Holly ends up dying because she straight up attacks Wren, and Jane helps her with it because she knows that John has a soft spot for Wren. Plus there’s that little shit Quinn in New Dawn...they’re a lot of fun. 

Hollyhock: What's their biggest goal right now?

Blair: Currently, it’s to find her place and stride with the team and her powers. She just wants to not have to lay awake at night and worry she’ll lose control again and hurt her friends and loved ones. Her whole life has changed, and there are still things that are throwing her off. She needs to find her footing again and feel more confident in what she’s become. Helping people, including herself and teammates/friends, is what’s most important to her. 

Emma: As of right now, it’s to regroup and hunt down Makarov. She’s still healing from when Shepherd took out the 141 base and tried to kill her, Ashton, and Nora. The stitches are still healing a bit, but she’s pumped up and ready to take him down. Her goal, and focus, is doing whatever Price and Soap need her to do. It’s almost tunnel vision at this point. 

Quinn: Take down the Highwaymen and fix whatever bullshit Whitney and Wren have going on. He won’t at all pretend he knows what fucking type of politics they have in New Eden, or what rules they’re going by, but it’s very damn clear that Ethan is no good and needs taken down. Him and Grayson came because Carmina asked Rush, and they were never ones to back down from a challenge, not when it comes to helping those in need. So, he’s gonna take down Mickey and Lou, allow Grayson to avenge Rush while protecting Prosperity, and then stand with Wren and Whitney as they take over New Eden.

Wren: That depends on if we’re talking Far Cry 5 or New Dawn, but she’s mostly taking out the head Seed and establishing peace. She’s trying to do what’s right, and whether that’s for herself (which is the eventuality of her changing sides) in Far Cry 5, or for their people and her family in New Dawn (overthrowing Ethan and opening New Eden to more freedoms.) It’s all revolved around Eden’s Gate though, and she agrees to help Quinn and Grayson because she still cares about Kim and Nick, and much of the others, so it’s just a pitstop on her plan. 

Sweet pea: If you had to choose a favorite dessert for them, what would it be?

Blair: Crème Brule, strawberry shortcake, or chocolate lava cake. You could say all of the above, to be honest, she loves sweets. Blair is always snacking, and they’re usually little cakes, fruits, or something sweet. There’s a reason crepes are her favorite breakfast foods, fruit and sweet? Yes. Which I guess you could  add porfait on the breakfast menu too, in that case...anyway, snacking is usually something her and Mick has in common, though she’s not constantly looking for it the way he is. Mick finds food in missions and randomly...Blair is more disciplined than that. She will grab stuff for him a lot of the times if they’re in the same room or if she’s working near him. Leonard just stares between them, he’s not sure what he thinks of their comrade (he also lost his more recent memories, so he can shut it.)

Emma: Dark chocolate cake or tarts. Anything that has a bitter or sour tinge to it, because she’s not really a sweets person. Not when it comes to that, at least. She loves her mom’s sweet tea (and homemade lemonade). But she just would have something like raspberry butter cookies, cherry pie, or even an old fashioned ice cream (yes, with bourbon). She loves dark chocolate though. And tiramisu. 

Quinn: Oh, he loves the Russian desserts his mom would make, and honestly, Quinn has such a sweet tooth. Bird’s milk cake, Russian rugelach, waffle cakes, and especially kartoshka. He would help his mom (or babushka when they would visit Russia), and would eat them with Russian tea they would make. He also enjoys many flavors of gelato. 

Wren: Cheesecake. Without a doubt. She has always been, and will forever be, in love with cheesecake. And all kinds, if we’re being totally honest. She will eat any flavor, she feels strongly about it. You wanna piss her off easily? Eat her cheesecake. Wanna get on her good side again? Bring her cheesecake. John does. Whenever he’s in trouble, he throws a cheesecake on it. She’s constantly eating it to the point Whitney and Rowan have both reminded her that it’s not a meal. Does she listen? No. 

[thebiggestnaturaldisaster]

Tokoyami x reader part 1

Tw: angst

3k words

Soulmate au

A couple of OCs make their appearances here

Soulmates. You don't get to choose them but most seem to be the perfect match for you even if you don't know it at first.

You technically get your soul mark at birth it's just incredibly faint but then as you grow up it becomes more prominent, it's assumed that that's because you're closer to meeting your soul mate.

But that's where you have a slight problem you're 14 and your mark is still dull. Normally that would be fine it just means your soulmate lives farther away, but being the child of a top hero in your country means you have moved around a lot; and in turn met many many people. Is it possible to never meet a soulmate?

"Y/N breakfast is ready!" Your mom calls up to you in a singsong voice. It's a family tradition that every Saturday you all sleep in and then have a fun breakfast together. You race downstairs nearly knocking over the vase of flowers on the hallway table. Down in the kitchen there wasn't a large array of foods but some mickey mouse pancakes (with an assortment of toppings), bacon, eggs, and some fruit salad. All your favorites, the nostalgia is like a warm hug.After piling your plate tall with breakfast you sat down at the table with your mom and dad. A few minutes into the family breakfast and a few shared glances between your parents you could tell something was off.

"Y/N your mother and I have something to tell you." Your dad's tone was off he seemed almost nervous. Nothing he could say with that tone could be good. The words rung in your head like a bell was struck next to you. 'We're moving'. Again? Where this time? Will I finally meet them? Why do we have to move around so much? You had so many questions but you couldn't form enough words to ask all of them. You could only get one of them out. Where? The answer rung more than the initial news. Japan.

'''''''''''

That was a couple years ago though. You were nervous at first of course, moving to a new country is always scary, but the nerves lightened a little bit once you noticed your mark was getting darker as the time there went on. You were still the child of a professional hero due to a slight transfer hence the move. And with a move and a powerful quirk there's one school in particular you wanted to go to. UA. The best hero school in Japan. There's nothing you wouldn't do to get in. After a grueling entry exam and a lot of practicing you got in. You got into the hero course call 1-A and tomorrow was your first day.

It was strange to be walking into a hero school in a new country but you were excited. The pro heroes here were exceptional and inspiring to watch. You aspired to be like them. The door to class 1-A. Here goes nothing. Your classmates were interesting, a very lively group, with very lively quirks. One stood out the most though an incredibly cute guy with a birds head, he was a little eccentric in a Gothic way but that made him all the more captivating. You became fast friends with most of your classmates, all aside from the angry and unapproachable Bakugo at least.

Your teacher had you all do a lot of physical tests today and admittedly you felt gross you could feel the sweat encrusting the dirt onto your skin and the only thing you could think about as you opened the door to your house was showering. After dropping your bag on your bed you went directly to the shower but as you undressed you noticed it on your shoulder. Your mark was solid. You met him. You squealed in delight though based on your parents rushing to the outside of the bathroom door it must've been more of a shriek. With a tank top still on you threw the door open and showed your parents your mom in particular. The excitement in the air was palpable. After your shower you got dressed into comfortable clothes and got online to talk to your old friends from back home, they HAD to hear this.

A few months had passed and since then you've gotten closer to your friends and even closer to who you found out had your mark with you, Tokoyami. Your initial thoughts of him being attractive hadn't faded at all though you two hadn't known each other long, you decided to take everything slower even though the chemistry was as if you had known each other your entire lives, you decided to go as far as dating but not much further. Your parents each loved the other which while expected was very nice. Despite dating for a few months now whenever you two kiss he gets extremely flustered which is endearing.

"Students I have a couple announcements to make" Everyone immediately stopped talking and payed attention in hope it was something exciting. "Firstly there will be a family outing for the hero classes so please do check with your parents and have the papers that are being handed out signed so we know who will be coming. Secondly after long deliberation we have decided a select few of the hero courses this so do keep it between us; there is a traitor in the school, we are unsure who it is or if they're a student or a teacher. We have decided to tell you so you can keep a look out and tell us if there is anything strange." The class was buzzing there were whispers everywhere around, everyone's voice muddled together. Who could it be you asked yourself its a hero school, if you're here you're either a hero or want to be. It could be one of my friends even.

A couple of weeks had passed but the anxiety of the traitor wasn't a bit lower than before, understandably. As all the families and students climbed onto the buses there was a silent agreement to not discuss what was heard until after the day of fun with everyone as to not ruin it. The cool early morning air chilled everyone's core a small bit as you all rode to the destination off the forest and walk to the final spot - a clearing semi deep into the belly of the forest. The drive was long and the buses cramped but you couldn't help but wonder who was joining, or if the traitor would be. The blades of grass were painted with a dew that soaked the bottom of your shoes, it was going to be a good day. Right?

The day turned out to be bright, sunny, and comfortably warm. Games were played and if students chose to they were able to show off how their quirk training was going in a safe and controlled environment. You could hear it a mile away, a screaming match between Bakugo and his mom, looks like its his turn to show off. How unusual. With a sigh you gently grab your parents arms and back them away to a hopefully safe distance. "You don't want to be close to this trust me." Next thing everyone knew some of the biggest and loudest explosions you've seen him set off flashed, like lightning feet away from you.

You weren't the only ones watching.

After the show Bakugo gave it seemed as if everyone wanted to show their parents how their quirks and control had gotten and you were no exception. The longer you watched the others show their parents and friends the more shy became which didn't go unnoticed. Suddnly you felt a gentle hand on your shoulder, looking over you saw the lightly caring smile on his beak and you felt a wave of confidence as you waited for what you knew would be your turn. Every so often as the moment got closer and closer you would feel an encouraging squeeze on your hand.

You took your turn, more nervous than you ever had been. It had been years since this many people saw your use your quirk, it doesn't always go well. you looked back at your families. Toko's face was gentle as ever and you could feel your parents eyes watching in support. You took a breath and closed your eyes. Focus Y/N. You could feel the air swirling around you to your forearm and hand gently blowing against your face. You slowly opened your eyes and scanned the tree line, you don't need a large trunk just one to show how well your training is going. You slide your foot back getting into the proper stance. As you breathe out you move in one fluid motion and slice your arm through the air; in turn the air that gathered around your arm is like a knife flying through the tree cutting the trunk in half. The crash of the falling tree was the last thing that was heard. Everyone was silent. Most had never seen your quirk used, and those who have before had never seen it to that extent.

You could feel your face getting warmer as everyone stared at the sliced tree laying dormant of the ground. You slowly walked back to your family's spot next to Tokoyami's family. The second you got close enough you were tugged into your warm as she gave you a hug and your dad giving you a proud high five. Once your mom let's go you take your spot next to Toko once again the picnic blankets were laid out and the food was ready to eat as the other students demonstrated their own abilities. You sat on the scratchy blanket eating and lost in conversation when you noticed a fog roll in. Figuring it was just a student you didn't know, you all continued talking amongst yourselves but also to the occasional classmate or friend that came by. You were enjoying yourself it felt like pure bliss sitting in the clearing with everyone around. The sky darkened quickly, which would've been normal but there was no sun set the sun was still shining down. The fog was thicker and darker, a mix of fog and smoke maybe?

Blue flames engulfed the trees surrounding the clearing spreading quickly. The fog and the smoke was heavy everyone scrambled to get to safety. You felt a strong hand grab yours and pull you up as figures slowly walked into the clearing. Shigaraki was first followed by the usual villains, what a thought the usual people trying to kill us. Your eyes scanned them all and saw some your didn't recognize including someone you could only call Nomu version 2 he was gigantic.

He was talking. You didn't want to listen you had to think.

Thé air was heavy and still as the fog slowly got thicker no one dared to move. There were so many villains it was dizzying. So many new ones too. If it were just the hero course students you probably would have stayed as a group to try to fight your way out but it wasn't. No there were heroes, families, and students from different class types. You had to get to safety. How? How are you going to do that. Movement. You had no time to think you could only react as Nomu 2.0 started to move. Slow at first like a lumbering giant a mistake of human creation. Then he wasn't. He wasn't slow at all he charged toward a large group being stopped by All Might and Mr. Aizawa. Panic. Fear.

With a shriek acting as an alarm everyone scattered. Villains chased while others went back into the woods. People were everywhere fighting or running. Terror. The pro heroes were all busy trying to stop various people from getting hurt. You were frozen. Unsure of what to do. You felt a warm hand grab yours and yank you into the tree line. Toko. Your parents, one being a pro hero chose to fight while the other ran along side you. Dark. The fog and smoke blotted our the sun as much as they made it harder to breathe. Where were you? You'd been just running and running. You all stopped Tokoyami's dad needed a minute. You kneeled with him his wife in tow for a moment. He wasn't used to this.

Crack. Crunch. Crash.

A tree covered in blue fire came crashing down between you all. Like scared horses his parents booked it deeper in to the woods. "I'll get them you two just get to safety." You assured him. It was safer to get as many people out as possible. You ran. You weren't sure how far they'd gotten but you just kept running calling out in hopes they would hear you. Your legs were heavy your feet like cinderblocks hitting the ground. You saw them. Picking up speed you you ran to be just in front of them blocking their path to stop them. They had tears in their eyes, could you blame them. You pulled them both into a hug, though you weren't used to so many feathers. After choosing a direction to walk you started making your way hopefully out of the forest. The fog and smoke mixture thickened to the point it was hard to see far in front of you. That's when you heard it. The other footsteps. You all stopped.

After a short moment you saw a figure step closer. A slow trot would be best to describe it. Followed closely but a few others. Friends? As they got closer you were able to see their faces. Shigaraki. He was right in front of you. Dabi and three others tailing right behind him. Who were they? You only knew about the main villains from this organization. You'd never seen them before, you were getting more unsure about this by the second. You motioned for his parents to get behind you though would that really help anything? You looked at the ones you haven't seen before. They were about your age one wearing a mask on their mouth, maybe a vocal quirk, and the other just looked bored. The third one was odd she didn’t seem like a villain at all. It was off putting.

"Mr. And Mrs. Tokoyami once I can get their attention on me please run as much as you can." You said without looking away from the 5 in front of you. You should never talk about a plan in front of the people who want to kill you though.

In a blink you were grabbed. Strong chains coiled around you squeezing you holding you in place. The cold metal felt strange as it dig into your skin. Help. You could hear more clinking metal behind you. You struggled to turn your head but when you did you saw his parents coiled even tighter than you. The feathers on his father were slowly being pulled out by the coil. You had to get out of here. The chains lead to back to the bored guy. So he didn’t even have to move no wonder he’s bored. You focused on each of them you’re eyes trailing around the scene as you tried to think of a way out.

“Masami Tokoyami. Age 47. Quirk shadow puppet. Not a threat.” A cheerful voice spoke. What?

“Hachigoro Tokoyami. Age 50. Quirk bird. Not a threat slightly pathetic though. A shame really.” Her voice trailed off at the end. She was staring at you now. It was only a few seconds but it felt like an eternity.

“Y/N. Age 16. Quirk solid air. Threat level high if they can control it well, it’ll be sharper than any weapon created.” She started talking directly to you “I would have loved to be your friend under different circumstances.”

Horror. What kind of a quirk does that girl have? You needed to get out of there and soon. The way you came would work, it was just barely a straight show after all. You looked at it for too long. The third one, the other girl, had noticed what you were focused on. Of you could see her face it probably would have had a smirk plastered on it as she walked over to the path. She leaned on a tree watching you looking for any hint of reaction. She must’ve gotten what she wanted because suddenly the very tree was falling over blocking the path. In an instant blue flames engulfed the. Smoke filled your lungs and burned your throat. No.

You felt the air wrapping around your wrist you had to do this fast. You focused as much as you could on the chain holding you. Slice. The metal broke in half, but instead of a simple clink it was accompanied but a scream in pain. He can feel his chains. Your prison fell and the other half retreated back into his body after flailing and scoring trees. He doesn’t seem very bored anymore. After a moment of you steadying yourself you heard the gasps. The Tokoyamis could barely breathe with the air and the chains. Turning around you saw them, bruised and Toko’s father bloody from his feathers being ripped out.

It was like a horror movie. The chains raised them with ease the slightly worse part was what came after. Masami was thrown into a tree wit enough force that it was turned to splinters. The chains loosened and was left there in the shards. Before you could think Hachigoro was raised as high as the canopies and slammed into the ground. You would never admit it but the fact that it caused a small crater was slightly cool. You placed a hand on your shoulder right over your soulmark. You’d save them. For him.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and dating Mickey Jarvis

(My shit gif)(Mickeys the blonde for those who haven’t watched Porkys)

- You and Mickey met when your car broke down in the parking lot after school. Now Mickey’s car might not show it but he’s pretty handy with cars so when he sees a pretty young girl struggling to get her car to work he quickly comes to the rescue. 

- He definitely took a minute to stare at your backside as you were bent over looking under the hood of your car. After he got a good look at you he stood back and asked in his best sexy southern drawl if you needed any help. When you turned around you were met with his charming grin and cocked brow.

- You happily agree to his help and he begins to inspect your car all the while making small talk and using a few pick up lines on you. It doesn’t take him very long to find the issue but it’s not something that he can fix right there so you’re forced to call a tow truck.

- As you were waiting for the truck he offered to repair your car if you had it towed to his place. You asked how much he wanted for the job to which he responded that he didn’t want any money just your “sweet company”. You couldn’t deny that you were flattered; and a little flustered, so with little hesitation you agreed.

- After the truck came and was told where to go, Mickey offered to take you out to lunch and drive you home. Soon enough he was helping you into his truck and driving the two of you to a diner near the school.

- Mickey can be a real charmer when he wants to be so it’s not hard for him to worm his way into your heart during your “first date”. You have no problem joining him back at his place to continue spending time with him. So for the next few hours you sit on his front step and talk with him while you watch as he works on your car.

- The time just seems to fly when you’re with him so much so that you have to rush back home to make it in time for dinner. You quickly thank him for his help and promise to talk to him at school while you get into your newly fixed vehicle. You’re probably still late to dinner and your parents chew you out for it but you can’t be bothered by their nagging as you think about the blonde.

- The next day you dress up a little hoping you’ll see Mickey again; and you do. The instant you pull into the parking lot his truck revs up behind yours and parks in a space beside your car. You chuckle as he gets out of his truck and opens your car door for you, giving you a smile and asking how the “engines been treatin you?”.

- Wherever Mickey is the gangs not far so you’re quickly introduced to the boys and being animatedly told about one of their friends shenanigans. It seems like every step you take another person joins all of you, you’re introduced to Wendy at the doors of the school.

- Wendy steals you away from the boys with a wink aimed at Mickey. The two of them are close so she puts in a few good words for him as she walks you to your first period class.

- At lunch time Mickey comes up to your table and asks if he can take you out again. Your friends tease you mercilessly after he walks away but you just smile and let them.

- After school you drive home and fix yourself up before he arrives at your house and takes you to a malt shop. The two of you eat and talk, laughing and overall just enjoying each other’s company.

- In the next few weeks you and Mickey go out or at least get together nearly every day. The two of you kiss for the first time on your third date. You’re at a drive in watching a movie that neither of you are really paying attention to. His arm is around your shoulder and you feel him give you a small squeeze. When you look at him he pulls you closer and kisses you.

- After maybe a month of going out on dates he gives you his letterman sweater to signal that he wants to go steady. He loves the smile you have on your face as he slips it over your shoulders.

- You call him Sparky, he thinks it’s cute.

 - You get called Baby, Honey, and Darlin in return.

- He knows you love the accent, everyone loves the accent. He definitely uses it to his advantage whenever he can.

 - Helping his brother and the gang talk some sense into him.

- You’re going to have to babysit him at times because he has zero impulse control especially when he’s angry.

- Once he’s set on something he’s going to do it no matter what it takes. This can be a good thing and a bad thing depending on the situation. Wants to get you an expensive necklace? Good thing. Wants to assassinate a strip club owner? Bad thing.

- You’ll have to learn how to calm him down or more realistically try your best to. Nobody in the world can put out the fire once he gets himself worked up, all you can really do is postpone the inevitable.

- Getting used to patching him up when you can’t stop him. He refuses to go to the hospital and you’re probably the only one he lets actually help him.

- Obviously he’s got a temper so it doesn’t take much to get him jealous. When you’re around he might not do something about his anger but he still sits seething and watching you like a hawk to make sure the guy doesn’t try anything. It depends on who it is really, if you’ve never met the guy and Mickey thinks he’s flirting then he’ll probably come up and “introduce himself”.

- But you should really worry about when you’re gone because chances are he’s going to try to fight the guy. He doesn’t want you to see him do it but it’s going to happen.

- He might not want you to see him fight the guy he’s jealous of but he’ll want you to see him mess up anyone whose hurt your feelings or disrespected you. Watch him fight for your honor it fuels his ego.

- Correcting him when he says something offensive.

“Well look at my little liberal!” He’ll chuckle in response.

- Trying to get him to tone it down on the cursing.

- Riding in his shit box truck with him.

- Teasing each other.

- He accepts a lot especially when it comes to you. Literally all of the guys are pushovers when it comes to their girls and you can’t convince me otherwise. Although they do get back at you when they can.

- Putting up with the gangs jokes and antics.

- The only reason he lets the guys tease you is because he loves when you hide your face in his chest. Not to mention when you fire back with your own response and make him proud.

- Going out dancing.

- Big cuddler. Give him all your affection.

- Picnics.

- Laying in the grass and cloud watching.

- He makes you laugh all the time. Get used to having your cheeks hurting from smiling so much.

- Theres really never a dull moment with him.

 - You’ll probably get pretty buff from having to try to hold him back when he gets all worked up.

- Sometimes he wonders if you have a crush on his brother. He sort of sees your innocent small talk and joking as you having interest in the older man. After all his good looks run in the family and he’s aware that they did not skip his brother.

- You have to try not to laugh when he asks you if his suspicions are true. You just fight back a smile, grab his hand and tell him he’s “the only Jarvis for you”.

- Hes big on kissing, he can’t go a day without having your lips on his at least twice.

- He has his hands on you at all times. More often than not he’ll have a hold on your hips or an arm resting in your shoulder.

- If someone needs to find him they just have to look for you.

- Getting cosy on the bleachers at school. One of you will end up leaning on the other while you watch the gym class or basketball practice.

- He’s a horny little shit, it’s common knowledge. You have to slap his hands away more than a few times.

- You can be sure that he’s going to watch you in the showers. He’ll threaten the other boys that he’ll “ring their necks” if they look at you.

- He’ll probably deny peeping at you with the most sincere smile you’ve ever seen but you both know he was.

- His mother probably loves to embarrass him when you’re at his house. Pinching his cheeks, tousling his hair, fussing over him, it kills him which is why she does it.

“Come on ma!” He’ll all but whine at her while you hide your grin behind your hand.

- He loves taking you to school functions. He doesn’t even care about the hassle of buying a suit and corsage or working for the money he’ll need; it’s worth it to see you all dressed up and smiling.

- You probably end your dates with makeout sessions in his car complete with necking and petting.

- A lot of compliments.

“Well doesn’t my girl look pretty!”

“Hello gorgeous.”

- He would never admit it but he definitely reads dating guides and magazines for advice. He practically studies so that you can think he’s a good boyfriend.

- He always pays for dates mostly because that’s what the books told him to do.

- Amusement park dates. He tries to win you one of the biggest stuffed animals they have.

- You probably fight a lot because he can’t control himself and he’s stubborn as all hell. You’ll argue, you’ll yell and you’ll probably break up in the heat of the moment. Like I said: he’s stubborn, so it’ll take him a while to admit he was wrong.

- When he finally comes around it’s usually by prompting from his friends when the group sees you out with your other friends. He’ll slowly make his way over and ask to talk to you. When you’re away from your friends he’ll begrudgingly apologize and from there it’s your decision whether you’ll forgive him right then.

- If you don’t he’ll probably call after you with something along the lines of “Well hey now! Come on! I learned my lesson!”. He can’t believe you won’t just take him back. Expect that he’s going to pester you until you give him, once again: stubborn.

- You can’t deny that you love each other even if you fight a lot. He really just needs some time to mature and then he’s husband material so if your willing to wait a little than he’s the guy for you.

[deanie1987]

My thoughts on 10x8 (LONG and SPOILERY)

Hey how about that episode huh? I have a lot of thoughts about it so this may be...uh pretty long. First off, I really liked the episode (at least the Gallavich parts that’s all I’ve seen so far. I am SO happy that I understand where they both are coming from and I don’t have to head canon anything. That in itself makes this episode much better than I thought it would be. Also, I have been vomiting my opinions all over The Internet so I apologize if I’m repeating myself.

First the good stuff: OPEN AFFECTION AND LOVE AND SMILES! The warmth that their happiness gives me could heat my entire house for a year. It is such a wonderful thing to see. From them arm in arm to holding hands in the diner to that incredible kiss at the courthouse (which has now jumped into my top 3 kisses) it truly is making the season for me. I miss the sex scenes and they don’t get enough screentime, but they feel like lovers to me, not roomates or pals. Finally. I also love that it seems like Mickey is 99% comfortable with it, but there is still that 1% of holding back.

IAN. Oh my god Ian!! *Fiona voice* He is trying so hard. He is doing his best to really communicate with Mickey and maintain a healthy relationship. But it’s hard for him and he’s not good at it and he gets really jumbled and nervous when he’s trying to get his thoughts out (god I relate to Ian so hard sadly.) He is initiating so much of the affection and the declarations and wanting Mickey to know that he loves him. We have been waiting for so long to see it and I’m so thankful.

The acting - Noel and Cam are a gift and they give this mediocre material such depth and emotion. No matter how ridiculous the plot, they know their characters and they take them seriously. I can’t imagine caring about this couple even a fraction as much if they weren’t played by them.

The character consistency (which is an extension of the acting) - Puppy Ian has made a triumphant return but that is tempered by his life experiences. He isn’t naive and idealistic anymore. His confidence and self-worth have taken huge blows over the years and it shows in how he approaches the proposal and then of course in his cold feet (and how desperate he is for advice now as compared to before his diagnosis). It seems perfectly in character for Ian to grab onto an impulsive notion with the best of intentions and then second guess himself and fuck it up the second it really matters. I think he is trying to control his impulses and I DO think that he had the best of intentions with the proposal and the marriage idea, but the self doubt crept in at the last moment like it always does. Having said that, they were fighting and rushed and I don’t blame him for wanting to take a step back to figure things out once circumstances changed. Unfortunately, his impulses once again ended up breaking Mickey’s heart and I appreciate just how good Noel is. The script never once referenced anything other than their current situation, but you could read on his face the toll of years of disappointment and humiliation and anger. My god.

Which leads me to the bad:

The last scene - I know that a lot of people hate the punch and think its out of character for Mickey, but I just don’t. Violence isn’t a first resort for either of them anymore, but it is definitely still in their arsenal. They threw punches in season 5 (Ian being the initiator), Mickey drugged Sammi in order to torture her, they shoved and pushed each other in season 7, Mickey tried to start a fight with one of the cartel guys then as well, he stabbed people in prison for pay, he and Ian both stabbed Chester with no qualms and Ian was prepared to do it again, he and Ian physically fought in 10x3 (they each shoved each other pretty hard), Ian threw punches in season 6 and physically threatened a lot of people as Gay Jesus.  They grew up around casual violence. In the first few seasons they both sported cuts and black eyes all the time. They got hit by their parents, by their siblings, by strangers and by each other. It might not be as frequent as it was when they were young, but it is still a form of communication for them both, for better or for worse. Beyond that, Mickey is an abuse survivor who spent the last few years either in jail, on the run or in a Mexican drug cartel. To act as though violence isn’t part of his life anymore just makes no sense to me. He has grown tremendously and I do think that violence against Ian is something that probably horrifies him, but that punch was YEARS in the making. He tried to remove himself from Ian and the situation but when Ian asked him to communicate how he felt about things, you could just see in his face the disbelief and incredulity that after all his words and his grand gestures, that Ian would STILL somehow not know how he felt. So he walked back up the steps, maybe hoping that he could come up with words that would adequately convey the heartbreak, anger, betrayal, loneliness, humiliation and disappointment that he has felt for years where Ian was concerned. But instead he punched him. I don’t like it but I get it. And Ian seemed more annoyed than scared or genuinely angry, and I will be shocked if a big deal is made of it by anyone in the next episode. The falling down the stairs and leg breaking was an accident obviously and necessitated by Cam’s leg, but it wouldn’t shock me if the writers had something like that in the script beforehand. These are damaged guys who grew up and still live in shitty environment full of poverty, ignorance, crime and casual violence. The Gallaghers may be on the edge of upward mobility but they aren’t all there yet and that probably goes double for Mickey. 

All things Terry and the Milkoviches - I appreciate that Mickey is no longer afraid of his father, but that whole scene sat terribly with me. This is one of the areas where Noel’s 5 year absence from the larger Shameless universe really stands out and it’s clear that trying to pick up where they left off really doesn’t work. The new Milkoviches are bland and dumb as well.

Ian’s jabs - I’m really ready for Ian to knock it off with the digs about Mickey to Lip. I’m glad that Mickey challenged him about murdering people (although again, seriously is really THAT much of a stretch to think that Mickey has been involved in something a little seedier, though you would think that Ian would know by now.) I hope it comes up again and Ian apologizes for thinking that way about him.

Episode as a whole - I didn’t watch the rest of the episode yet (maybe more thoughts on that if anything inspires me) but fast forwarding through the other scenes made the lack of character interaction that much more noticeable. It is ridiculous that Ian has had more scenes with Tami than with Carl. I hate it.

One last negative I guess. Every scene that we have gotten with Mickey and Ian together have been nearly perfect, but it isn’t enough and I really wish that they had started this storyline at the very beginning of the season and not rushed so much of it. I still kind of want a season 11 with them in it, because there is so much stuff that we don’t know. For example, I find it really interesting that in some ways, Mickey and Ian are somewhat back to their earlier selves. In season 4 and 5, Ian sort of devolved into drugs, prostitution and various scams (mostly due to his illness of course) while Mickey tried to be at least a little bit more on the up and up. They sort of met in the middle of the criminality spectrum. But now they seem to be more closely aligned with their seasons 1-3 situations. Obviously, Mickey is out and Ian has been diagnosed with bipolar, so their personalities have definitely changed since that time. But in the years that they were separated, Ian sort of pulled himself back into “normal” society for awhile with a legit job and vaguely middle class aspirations (at least until he went off the deep end and stopped taking his meds). In the meantime, Mickey was sent away to a real prison and worked for a Mexican drug cartel. No middle class aspirations there. For as much as they are in love and as much as I believe that they know each other better than anyone else, they have changed a LOT and experienced things apart that are hugely impactful to their development as adults. They are coming together again, but not as the teenage boys that they once were, but the products of their experiences mostly while they were apart and I really wish that that would be explored more. I know that fanfic can fill a lot of holes, but I have been so impressed with the way that Noel and Cam have played everything so far that I want to see them on my screen as these characters for as long as I can.Finally, next week looks interesting. I think that the majority will be played for laughs but judging from the stills, the emotion is going to knock us on our asses. I can’t wait. 

[nekoannie-chan]

Something weird

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Enhanced mutant! Reader.

Word count: 1212 words.

Summary: How was your life affected by HYDRA's experiments did with you? Although Steve was there to help you to deal with it.

Warnings: Mentions of death, some smut references, nothing explicit.

A/N: Flashback is in italics.

This is my entry to the @criminal-cookies ‘s Mel’s 400 Writing Challenge with the dialogue prompt #4:

“Baby, please tell me you can explain why there is a hole through the window”.

Also is my entry to @19mrs-rogers18 ‘s 400 Writing Challenge with the quote prompt # 6:

“Shh, it’s okay it was just a dream. I’m here”.

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistake please let me know and I will correct it.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don’t steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other’s people. The only exception is the ones I gifted ‘cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and is not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Marvel’s characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.

If you like it please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog. 

You hated what was happening to you in last months, there were days when you had no powers and others when they were out of control.

They had done several analyzes and tests to discover what was happening to you, however, everything seemed to be fine.

Even though they had found your records of the experiments that HYDRA had done on you, they couldn't find the cause. You also didn't remember much about your childhood so you weren't entirely sure if your powers were inherited or obtained by experimentation.

Before all this lack of control, you felt like every time you left experimentation or like the day they had found you at the HYDRA’s compound, although that day was not a bad memory for you, it had been the day that your life had had a real change and also when you had met the love of your life.

"Hello, calm down, I'm here to help you" Steve said, lowering the shield.

Carefully approached you, he thought you were a hostage.

“No…”

You tried to attack Steve, but he managed to cut you down.

You did not try to fight or free yourself while you were being transferred, all your life until that moment you had been told that S.H.I.E.L.D. He was the enemy, but you were proving that they were not as bad as you thought.

Steve tried to interrogate you, you were still saying nothing, and he left the room a little desperate.

"She refuses to speak, Nat maybe if you interrogate her you will succeed," Steve asked her.

"I think she's very scared," she said before entering.

"Hi, I'm Natasha, what's your name?" she asked trying to sound friendly.

There was no answer, according to a physical exam that they had done, your health was good, and nothing prevented you from speaking, so she deduced that you surely did not trust them.

“You know maybe we have a similar story, I was one of the Bolshoi’s dancers, they recruited me for the Red Room, the KGB experimented with me and turned me into an assassin, perhaps I am the only one who can understand you here”.

You bit your lip, you didn't know exactly what to say.

“I'm Y/N Y/L/N, I'm 23 years old.”

“What were you doing at that compound?

"I'm not sure, they told me I should be there and if you attacked, and defend the compound”.

"Steve said you were hidden," she interrupted confused.

"I don't like harming people, nobody, they said that I was a monster."

"Tell me about your childhood."

“No… I don't remember much of my past, nor who my parents were, I don't even know if I ever had one, the experiments were very painful and they never stopped, they didn't care if they hurt me, they were training me to…

"What for?" She asked interested.

"To attack S.H.I.E.L.D., but I don't think you guys are bad, this is all very confusing."

She kept asking you a few more questions, then came out.

"She's just another victim," he reported.

 Little by little you and Steve had fallen in love, now five years later you two were married.

You had a terrible headache that day, your powers were out of control, various things were out of whack, many others had accidentally broken, you hid under the kitchen table, and you didn't want to continue causing more damage.

Steve entered the house and immediately worried when he saw the disaster, he feared that someone had attacked you or something bad had happened, he immediately raised his shield.

"Y/N?” he called, walking carefully.

"I’m here, Stevie," you replied without leaving the place where you’re hiding.

“Baby, please tell me you can explain why there is a hole through the window.”

"They're all out of control again," you sobbed, referring to your powers.

He lowered his shield quietly, he couldn't help but feel tenderness every time you hid, and that was the way he knew you were afraid; you saw that he bent down and began to approach you.

"No, don't come closer, I don't want you to get hurt," you asked without moving.

"Okay, nothing happens," he assured you.

He came to you and hugged you. He always made you feel safe and protected in his arms.

You were still having nightmares, although you didn't know if they were nightmares or repressed memories, sometimes you saw someone murdering people. Maybe HYDRA had murdered your parents.

Or maybe they were the ones who had died in the experiments, you were sure you felt the same pain again, you didn't want to feel that anymore in your life. You woke up disturbed

"Honey?" Steve asked a little sleepily as he felt the movement on the bed.

"I-I'm fine," you murmured.

He knew you and knew it was not true, he immediately stood up and turned on the light of the bedside table lamp.

“Shh, it’s okay it was just a dream. I’m here.”

 He hugged you and wiped away the tears that fell down your cheeks.

“Do you want to tell me about the nightmare?” he questioned trying not to push you.

You shook your head.

"Okay, so you want us to sleep holding each other?"

"Yes," the voice barely came out.

The next morning he got up before you, you assumed he had gone for a run so you went down to prepare breakfast.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked when he saw you when he returned.

"Yes, I made pancakes for breakfast."

"Natasha gave me the idea that maybe a pet can help you."

You looked incredulous, they had never talked about having a pet, but you knew there was something else before you could say something the puppy taught you.

"He's adorable, but what if he gets hurt?"

You couldn't trust your powers at those moments and you would feel very bad if something bad happened to that innocent being.

Steve left the puppy in your arms, the little one licked your face while moving his tail.

"Okay, we'll keep it."

“Can you think of a name?

"I like Mickey."

You remembered how you had been taught to control your powers, so if you wanted Mickey to be safe you would do your best.

You put the blocks in and started moving them slowly.

"Fine," you murmured.

You were testing for a while, Steve saw you, but he didn't want to interrupt you.

"What is the matter with me?"

"Nightmares and traumas cause instabilities in the mutants' powers, although hers were altered as well, mainly these are the causes of instability," Bruce explained.

The way back home was quiet, you kept thinking of a way to fix the problem.

"Honey," Steve called you.

“Babe”.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“Why don't you ever tell me about your past? Maybe if you let off steam you can have control again “Steve suggested.

"I don't remember much, practically nothing, HYDRA brainwashed me," you answered.

Steve did not know what to say.

"I always wanted to have a family," you continued.

He took your hand and raised your face with the other.

“Well, then we must practice a little to fulfill your dream.

He kissed you and carried you to take you to the bedroom you shared.

[laydiibug]

Eleanora Ceana Harris

Human

Content Warnings: violence, parental abuse, suicide mention

Date of Birth (& age): 10/29/2002 (17)

Place of Birth: New York, NY

Gender: Cis woman

Species/Racial Origin: Irish/French

Social Class/Community Status: Billionaire mother

Language(s) spoken: English, French

Family: 

Corynne Harris - mother

Jacques Bellerose - father

Alvin Harris - maternal half brother (married- wife’s name is Emma)

Jacob Harris - maternal half brother

Peter Harris - maternal half brother (deceased)

Marcus Harris - maternal half brother (married - wife’s name is Lydia)

Levi Harris - maternal half brother

Raphael Bellerose - paternal half brother

Mickey Campbell - brother (Raphael’s maternal half brother)

Physical Description

Height: 5’7”

Weight: 160 lbs, pear shaped

Hair: brown, short and very curly

Eyes: green

Faceclaim: Amy Irving (Carrie 1976)

Typical Clothing: on the rare occasion that she gets to choose her own wardrobe she likes pastel colors and usually leans towards more goth styles. It isn’t unheard of for her to take scissors to a nice shirt her mother had bought for her and make it more interesting to look at.

Attributes

Personality/Attitude: Past situations in her life have made her very tense and slow to trust, she covers her anxiety with a bratty, childish demeanor. Even when she does start to trust and like someone she finds it hard to interact in a pleasant way all the time and can act clingy or attempt to push the other away and take control of their abandonment of her. She’s self conscious about a lot of her physical and personality traits and can often push those on other people and bully them rather than facing her own problems. She is, however, very persuasive when she wants something and it doesn’t take much effort to get her way.

Skills/Talents: When she wants to she can go completely unnoticed and uses this trick to get herself out of social situations she doesn’t like or even to shoplift or trespass. She’s a very talented gymnast but her mother has pushed her so far with competition that she resents it.

Favourites/Likes: attention, expensive gifts

Most Hated/Dislikes: being ignored, chocolate

Strengths: Loyalty, intelligence, manipulation

Weaknesses: Stubbornness, jealousy

Fears: abandonment, big dogs, reptiles and bugs

Hobbies/Interests: Gymnastics, spending her mother’s money, video games

Religion/Beliefs: Catholic but doesn’t practice very closely

Sexuality: Straight

Place/Type of Residence: She bounces between her mother’s various properties but does have a flat in LA under her name where she stays most often.

Bio

Peter was forced into a mental health facility at 21 when Nora was 8, their mother claiming it was for his own safety and that of his siblings because he’d acted violently. It was a very shady situation and six months later he was found dead in his room of apparent suicide. Jacob suspects foul play on his mother’s part but Nora was too young to know too much. All she knows is that he was sweet and kind and wouldn’t ever even hurt a fly. Jacob became pretty distant as well after this point, trying to avoid his family as much as possible though he and Nora still meet up on occasion.

The Harris household was very chaotic while Nora was growing up. Nannies, housekeepers, and tutors tried their best to keep the six kids cared for and out of their mother’s way but five teenage boys and a baby is not an easy task even for a team, and having the staff change out frequently made everything worse. Because of this the little girl only felt more lost and unloved with each passing day, especially when her mother would come by only to push her away and critique every little thing she did. It was almost better to be left alone. She loved her brothers- most of them anyway and was closest to Jacob and Peter, who spent a lot of time spoiling their sister when they could even though they were significantly older. Some of her fondest memories are on their family’s ranch in Montana, watching Jacob practice for rodeos and care for the horses.

    She was a difficult child from infancy, being sick most of the time but often left to her own devices- increasingly so the older and nastier her personality got. When she was good she was ignored and when she slipped up she was dealt with harshly. She soon realized that the best way to get adults and even her siblings to spend time with her is to break something, make a mess or use violence. She got very used to being hit by whatever method the staff felt was necessary and was often far more bruised than a child should ever be.

Her mom sent her to boarding school hoping it would straighten her up and it did to some extent- the teachers there actually cared, and she quickly found herself taking to physical activities and gymnastics- a great outlet for her pent up emotions, and her teachers, though stern, were quick to praise her for a job well done. She was addicted to it for a while, but in her early teenage years felt herself plateauing bringing up old frustrations and self hatred. Her mother, liking the idea that her daughter was doing something right pushed her too hard to succeed as well forcing her to burn out by high school.

    When she was 15 she found info on her birth father and ran away to visit him- hoping he would care for her better than her mom- unfortunately she found Jacques to be even crueler, his anger a lot more violent and unpredictable. He didn’t want any kids at all and once he found out he was stuck with a third one it only made him harsher. Mickey and Rafe were amazing though, kind and protective and everything she could ask for in family and more. Mickey ran away from their parents and Nora followed him, living in a camper with him until her mother dragged her back home. She still escapes as often as she can to see her brothers.

[imagineclaireandjamie]

Frank didn’t die, but he and Claire divorced. When the Mackenzies return to the future, Jemmy gets to know his other grandfather. It makes for an interesting return to the past.

Frank stood with his arms crossed as he examined the scene before him. Jemmy was sitting at the window, staring out at the street. He was leaning forward on the windowsill, his chin resting on his arms. Rain trickled down the glass and pattered lightly against the leaves on the bush just outside.

The boy had been sitting there since Brianna and Roger had left with Mandy that morning to go to the hospital. So far there had been one call to the house from Roger informing Frank that they had arrived and that Brianna was helping keep the baby calm through pre op—and that Joe was helping to keep Brianna calm. Frank insisted that he had things under control with Jemmy and it was true—there had been no tantrums or trouble so far.

But that was part of what Frank found unsettling. It was impossible to look at the boy and not be reminded of Brianna at the same age—that hair, those eyes, even the same freckles sprinkled across their noses. But Brianna had been boisterous and never seemed to stop talking. From the way Brianna and Roger spoke about their son, Frank had the impression he usually behaved the same way.

And yet, there he sat at the window, silently watching traffic and the rain. Was it simply a combination of the novelty and concern for his sister? Or was it him?

After all, Claire might not have chosen to leave him when she had her first little adventure with the stones at Craigh na Dun but when she’d returned, she had no qualms about making sure Frank knew he was no longer her first choice… in anything. It had taken him years to give up that fight and agree to a divorce. He knew when he’d found record of Jamie Fraser alive after Culloden that it wouldn’t take Claire long to go back to him… and that he would still have Brianna to care for.

But then Brianna had followed her mother only a few years later, leaving him behind to chase after a stranger. Oh, he knew it wasn’t to do with him, really—she’d gone out of her way to make that point many times in the weeks before she went. And yet, even when Roger went to find her and bring her back, months after Brianna had hoped to return by…

They’d all stayed. They’d all chosen to live a life in a more dangerous time and place… and all he could do was search for them in his research. The only reason they’d come back at all was because of medical necessity.

“Are you hungry at all?” Frank asked the boy. “Is there anything you would like to do? I want to stay at the house for when your parents call with an update, but I can pull out some of the old board games and puzzles from when your mother was younger.”

“Grandda was ‘sposed to teach me to play chess,” Jemmy said, his tone flat, hollow. He lifted his head to look at Frank. “He was helpin’ me carve my own set of pieces and tellin’ me about what they do. He said makin’ it that way would make sure I had the patience ye need to play and when we had ‘em all, he was goin’ to show me.”

“Perhaps never having done so is the reason I’ve never had patience for chess,” Frank said with a chuckle. “I did teach your mother to play checkers when she was about your age. The board we played with is in the attic with some of her other toys and games. Would you care to come see?”

Jemmy shrugged but got up from the seat near the window and followed Frank up to the second floor and was first up the ladder to the small crawl space that served as the house’s attic.

“Do you see that box over there?” Frank asked, remaining on the ladder himself and only sticking his upper torso into the dim space. He shone a flashlight at a box. “Can you read what it says?”

“‘Bree’s Room’?” Jemmy responded with little confidence given the poor lighting and worn lettering.

“Very good. Do you think you can crawl over to it and push it towards me?”

Jemmy scrambled around, Frank guiding him with the flashlight but before he could move the box more than a few inches across the dusty floor, he spotted something of even greater interest.

“Claire!” he exclaimed. “That’s Grannie’s name!” He darted over to the smaller box and pushed that one toward Frank instead. “Can I see wha’s in here?”

It was the most animated Frank had seen the boy so he swallowed his reluctance and pulled the box down before holding the ladder steady for Jemmy to descend.

Jemmy didn’t even bother dusting himself off or carrying the box to a more convenient space. He plopped down in the middle of the hallway floor and pawed at the box to get it open. Frank set the flashlight aside and showed Jemmy the proper way to open the cardboard box, then he sat on the floor himself, leaning against the wall with his legs stretched to the other wall and watched his grandson.

Claire had taken most of her things when they divorced—her medical school texts and notebooks, the silver service set her uncle had given them as a wedding gift, random mementos picked up from a lifetime of traveling to dig sites… But she’d left a number of photographs behind. Many of them had been family shots or photos of the pair of them. Frank had been tempted to throw them away but when it came down to it, he hadn’t the heart. So instead, he’d stuffed them in a box and tucked them away in the crawl space where he didn’t have to look at them and be reminded.

“That’s you and Grannie,” Jemmy remarked, his brow furrowing with confusion and amazement.

“I suppose you’d hardly recognize her from those,” Frank mused, reaching to pick up the photos Jemmy had let fall as he moved to the next and the next.

“She… she was young,” the boy gawked. “She doesna even look so old as Mam does.”

Frank peeked. It was a photo of Claire he’d taken during one of their all-too-brief leaves together during the war. She looked both relieved and exhausted, her hair a curly mess but her smile as bright as he remembered and warmth in her eyes that was a punch to the gut.

“This is Grannie wi’ you and Mam,” Jemmy said with excitement, holding out a photo taken at a Christmas party one of his colleagues threw every year. Brianna wore a green plaid dress with a bow in her hair while Claire dazzled in white (her smile was obviously strained but Frank was pretty sure it was the result of the Dean having said about her wasting time and money pursuing her medical degree rather than anything he’d said or done) and Frank wore a red jumper with his jacket draped over his arm so it would show brightly in the photo.

“Who’s… that?” Jemmy asked, baffled.

“That… is Mickey Mouse. That was taken when we took your mother to Disneyland,” Frank explained. They’d taken the trip after he and Claire had decided that divorce was the only option left. They wanted one final family holiday for Brianna before they formally started the process and told her. Perhaps it was having acknowledged that they were giving up on the marriage, but so much of the tension he and Claire felt with one another seemed to vanish. They were able to laugh and joke and enjoy themselves with an abandon they hadn’t been able to conjure while they’d been so focused on trying to make things work between them. It was easily the happiest family vacation they had ever taken together, a lovely memory amid the sea of disquiet that gave way to a sometimes-difficult balancing act.

For it was about two months after they returned from that trip that Claire rented a house close enough to keep Brianna in the same school so she could go back and forth between them as often as necessary—Claire’s schedule frequently included overnight shifts, for which Frank was grateful.

“Mickey Mouse?!” Jemmy bounced from his bottom onto his knees in a maneuver that caused Frank’s joints to twinge in sympathy. “But we hafta go see him! Grandda asked me to pass along his regards. I didna ken Mam knew him.”

“Your other grandfather knows about Mickey Mouse?” Frank asked, the impulse to laugh rising in his chest.

“Aye. He said if I was ever to come ‘cross him I was to give him Grandda’s regards,” Jemmy repeated. “Can we go to see him? How far away is Disneyland? Can we take the vroom to get there?”

The chuckle escaped but Jemmy didn’t seem to notice. Frank wondered whether it was Claire or Brianna who had told Jamie about Disneyland and what an 18th century man made of a cartoon mouse that sang and danced and was brought to life at a theme park.

“Disneyland is all the way on the other side of the country so it would be faster to fly there than to drive,” Frank began to tell a rapt Jemmy. “We’ll need to see what your parents say after your sister is recovered, but I should very much like to take you there to meet Mickey Mouse.”

[argotmagazine-blog]

Dancing On My Own

(Silvia...)

Yes, Mickey?

(How do you call your loverboy?)

Come 'ere loverboy!

(And if he doesn't answer?) Oh, loverboy!

(And if he STILL doesn't answer?) I simply say…

I was six years old the first time I draped my father’s after-shower wrap around my waist and lip-synched for my life. In the living room of my family’s single story, ranch style home in Walnut Creek, California, I performed to “Love is Strange.” The audience, comprised of my father, stepmother, and brother, laughed hysterically at my hijinks – oh how silly to see a boy wearing a skirt and singing the woman’s part of a song! At literally the same time RuPaul was gaining notoriety working the Atlanta Circuit Parties, I, at only six years old, was slaying the Bay Area suburb living room scene and living for it, Mama!

A year later, I performed live in an oversized sweatshirt dress and leg warmers on a leather ottoman stage. Another number from this genderfuck child prodigy that resonated with my home audience was my original drag parody based on a hit Crystal Gayle song “Donuts Make My Brown Eyes Blue.” Again, I was rewarded with laughter and applause. My family truly loved me, and I was beginning to know that I was born to be a performer.

Cut to a few years later: it was a dress-up day at school for Halloween and I had no idea what to be. My stepmother came in for the heroic rescue with a waist length straight brown wig, a bandanna, a peasant skirt, and a liberal application of lipstick and eyeshadow. I looked in the mirror and instantly fell in love with myself in what would now be considered a very problematic “fortune teller” Halloween look. I can’t even imagine the accent I spoke with. Suffice it to say, if repeated today that ensemble would most definitely result in a cancel culture call out.

Year by year, I learned that I was definitely different. As a “creative” child, I was prone to talking out of turn and disrupting the class. I did not know what “being gay” was, and I had certainly never seen an “out” gay person that I knew of. The closest thing to a drag queen I knew was my Grandmother, Beatrice. She was a Portuguese powerhouse that lived larger than life in an assortment of caftans, wigs, fur coats, costume jewels, fire red fingernails, and her ever-present cocktail of choice in her hand. I lovingly called her world’s cheapest screwdriver the “Popov and Donald” after its two main ingredients: Popov Vodka and Donald Duck orange juice. The constant, comforting refrain of clinking and tinkling ice surrounded her as she stirred it steadily with her nicotine stained index finger. With parents who blasted Elton John, Neil Diamond, Bette Midler, Barry Manilow, and let’s not forget the beginning of this story, the soundtrack to “Dirty Dancing” when I was but six years old, it would seem as if the Universe was surrounding me with the perfect, magical, organic tools I would need to live my best faggotty life. Yet, In the summer of fourth grade, it all coalesced into understanding that I was truly different. Not just a creative type but there was something else, something more that separated me from the rest of the kids around me. The person who taught me this was Mr. M.

Mr. M. was my summer school theater teacher. When I saw him, I could just tell that he had the same thing that I had. That thing – the one that made me different – it was in him too. I immediately recognized it, and it was beautiful, and it made me feel so good that I wasn’t alone. It was the first time that I truly could see that there were actually adults like me too. Mr. M. had created a 4th through 6th grade summer-stock follies masterpiece that combined the story of Rapunzel with the music from Hair. It was everything my queer little heart desired rolled into a masterpiece for the stage, dusted in fairytale glitter, and laid out like a prize before me. I was cast in the dream role I could have never imagined I needed. My character was “Jacques,” Rapunzel’s best friend, confidant, and (though unspoken) very, very flamboyantly gay hairdresser. I was obviously the comedic relief – and I knew that at the time – but I didn’t care. I loved the role and despite having no idea what camp meant at the time (and certainly wouldn’t have cared if I did). I knew that this part had been created just for me, to let me shine, and I was not going to let Mr. M. down.

My stepmom stepped up like a hero again and made me look like everything that a 10-year-old, fabulous hairdresser should look like. Remember that waist length wig from my fortune teller look? Well she lovingly cut off a little 6 inch snip and braided it into the back of my big ass, blown out hair. I didn’t know or care that this was being “gay,” but I knew that I had never in my life felt more right.

In what will be a surprise to no one, I can humbly confirm that I stole the show. The audience loved me, seeing this fabulous child, living his truth, loving himself and not being afraid to shine in all his homo-glory in only the fourth grade? I was years ahead of the world and it felt amazing. In fact, before the show, we had joked in my house about the mannerisms of being gay, the flouncy walk, the limp wrists, the sassy lisp. I genuinely loved them all so much that after the performance, I began to adopt these affectations officially into my daily life, from lisping from the breakfast table: “Plleathe path the theareal” to my bedtime prayers, “in Jethus name we pray, amen”.

And that’s the moment. The moment where things changed.

“Sit down here next to me,” my father asked as he patted the bed politely. He called in my stepmother. “We should probably talk.”

After everyone assembled, my father asked thoughtfully “Do you know what homosexuality is?”

“No,” I responded quietly. I could tell immediately from his tone that 1) I was whatever that thing was and 2) that it was absolutely not okay.

“Well, it’s when two men do the things together that only a man and a woman are supposed to do together,” he lectured me. “And it is very wrong. You know how you played that part in the play, and how you have been walking and talking that way since? That’s not okay anymore. That’s how these homosexuals really act. It’s okay to act like them and laugh at them as a joke, like in the play. But it’s completely unacceptable to do those things in real life. In fact, men who do those things, well, the Bible says that they are going to hell. Do you want to go to hell?”

I did not want to go to hell. I slowly shook my head turning red, the furnace of shame stoked hot inside me.

“Good,” he said finally. “Then it’s time to stop acting like that. Back to being normal from now on.” He said goodnight, kissed me on the forehead, clicked off my bedroom light and shut the door behind him.

10…9…8… I counted down in my head. When I got to one, I thought Okay, he can’t be by the door anymore. That’s when the tears started flowing.

I still didn’t truly understand what being a homosexual was, but now I knew that I could never be one. Not only would it upset my father, but Jesus too? Well, that was just too much pressure. I was going into the fifth grade and the one thing I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was that I did not, under any circumstances, want to go to hell.

My life was never the same from that moment on. As a child, I certainly never saw a dress or wig again. I spent the next twenty-five years pretending that I was not who I knew I was inside, trying my best to hide the traits as I got older but still knowing I had a funny voice and walk. Within a few years, I knew deep, deep inside that I was definitively the very thing I had been mandated not to be. I hid it further by marrying a woman and pretending even harder for many years that I was just a regular ol’ straight guy, just bein’ straight and actin’ straight and livin’ my best straight life. You know, lying.

I dated only women in my adolescence and finally, at age 18, I started dating my best friend. I guess we “fell in love,” though it was honestly more a relationship born of co-dependence, self-preservation, and convenience - and married at 21. For fourteen years I “played house.” To be honest, it wasn’t terrible. I had married my best friend and technically she knew I was gay as she had actually been the first and only person I had come out to up to that point. We pretended like that conversation had never happened. I thought I did an amazing job playing this role of dedicated straight husband contrary to many of the reviews on my role when I finally came out.

Everyday was a mental battle of epic proportions. Imagine a voice in your mind that has one job to do all day every day, and that job is to remind you that you are living a complete lie. I struggled with mental health issues, doing everything I could to manifest destructive patterns and catastrophes so that I could distract myself from my terrifying inner demons. As each year passed, the voice got louder and more distracting. But now I was in too deep. What would even be the value in listening to the voice and taking action? Destroying my marriage, my life and for what? I didn’t even know if what was on the other side would be better.At least I was safe in my cocoon as long as I played the part.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t prepared to come out, but I also knew I couldn’t keep ignoring the voice the way I had been. I just needed something to quiet the voice. At the same time, I was also looking for a new fitness regime to help get my weight under control. When I drove by Padme Yoga in Sacramento, CA on a drizzly October afternoon, it seemed like kismet. Yoga could help me with my fitness, but I had also heard lots of friends talk about how much it helped them quiet their minds. Perfect! I signed up for my first yoga class, and though I was scared shitless, I actually showed up. At the end of the class, the instructor came up to me and asked me if I enjoyed the class, which I told her I did. Then she said “Come back tomorrow, this practice will change your life.” So I did. And the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that.

The weight came off of my waist and my thighs, but there was a different kind of weight coming off of my shoulders as well. I felt happier and more joyful. People seemed to want to be around me more and I felt more authentic. I just kept showing up and my teacher from that first class was right - my life was changing. Strangely enough, the voice about my hidden sexuality was a bit quieter but I had new voices as well - ones telling me that I was perfect the way I was in that moment and that in or out of the closet, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I began to feel this love for myself I had not felt in a very long time; not because I was skinny or more energetic, but because I was doing exactly what I needed for myself.

One Friday evening in May 2014, as I laid in pigeon pose I began to sob. People say they “ugly cry,” well I beautifully cried as years of self hate, sadness, anger, frustration, lies, manipulation, and abuse just flowed from my eyes and onto my mat. 75 minutes later, I knew I was ready. I went home, and for the first time, I let my inner knowing speak for me. I came out, for good.

The journey since has not been easy, but it has been a necessary one and I have learned so much. The best part is, I have never once been alone since. Remember that little boy, the one who went to bed that night crying, scared, and afraid that he would never be the person he was meant to be? Well amazingly enough, he woke up the moment I stepped off my yoga mat that evening. He has been by my side ever since. In fact, he is sitting right here next to me as I write this, wearing his favorite gown, loving himself, feeling beautiful and accepted. He calmly, lovingly reminds me that neither of us needs ever feel alone again.

Xavier Bettencourt is a writer and comedian currently residing in Sacramento, CA. Known for his authentic and humorous storytelling voice and unique point of view, Xavier digs deep to speak his truth and tirelessly encourages others to do the same. Follow him on Instagram for more: @thecomedybear.