#michael and lucifer are about to arm wrestle each other submission while lilith and adam are off drinking tea on the sidelines

[ckneal]

You know, it's a shame that Lilith and Adam didn't get to talk in 15x08. I have a personal belief that Lilith once played a role with Lucifer that was similar (though not identical) to the one Adam had with Michael in the cage. Obviously, Lilith was never Lucifer's vessel, since that ability comes from being descended from Adam and Eve and Lilith would have been a touch too old for that. Nor do I mean to imply any kind of romantic relationship between Lilith and Lucifer. What I'm getting at is, after things started falling apart at home but before getting locked away in the cage--during the period just after Lucifer dragged his first human soul (Lilith) off to Hell and started playing with it like a mean-spirited little kid tearing the wings off a butterfly until the poor thing broke and became the very first demon, thus prompting Michael to chase Lucifer out of the house in retaliation--Lucifer and Lilith, and Ramsey, were the sum total of Hell's entire population. And as per any episode featuring Lucifer, that dude is chatty.

Lilith was probably stuck sitting around for Chuck knows how long, listening to Lucifer rant about his family while he was drafting out his big revenge plans, featuring horsemen, a demonic plague, the Whore of Babylon, and binding Death itself, because her only other option was to go up to earth and be immediately smote by Michael and his army of obedient siblings the second she possessed one of the twenty humans in existence.

Lucifer would have just been there, squeezing the soul who would become Azazel like a stress ball, saying "Can you BELIEVE Michael sided with Dad? After all the shit Dad's put both of us through? It's like Michael doesn't even realize that this shit's messed up, and he SHOULD! He gets it almost as bad as I do!”

There's a little popping sound as the soul breaks, and Azazel turns yellow, murmuring something that sounds like, "Daddy?

Lucifer tosses the soul over his shoulder and whistles for Ramsey.

"I mean, you have no idea. Dad was shameless about playing favorites. The second we opened our eyes, it was all 'Lucifer's so pretty, he's so great at everything.'  And I always knew Mike had to be jealous. I never thought he blamed me though."

Ramsey comes trotting up, tail wagging, and Lucifer reaches for the soul she's holding in her jaws--the soul who will eventually become Ramiel.

"Maybe that's why Mike's siding with Dad. Maybe it's just easier to think that I'm the bad guy than to consider that maybe Dad's not all that 'all loving' after all. That's it, isn't it? Mikey's still jealous!"

Lucifer and Ramsey start playing tug of war until there's a tearing sound, and Ramiel turns yellow.

"Well, you know what? GAME ON! It's not my fault that Dad got the design better the second time around, and I'm not going to let either of them punish me for it!"

Scowling, he picks up Dagon's soul and starts molding it like playdough. "You know what, I SHOULD go back home! I'm going to march right in there and tell them both off! What are they going to do, lock me up?"

Meanwhile Lilith has her face in her hands, not even pretending to be listening, because Lucifer has been on this rant for roughly 20 years Hell time.