#mialamin

[nizar-rama]

Atlantis Land. Outing bersama Terang Surabaya #selamatharipendidikannasional #TerangSurabaya #Surabaya #mialamin

[cerastes]

The party so far:

Ulgol Anvilsinger, who might or might not be Kiryu Kazuma in a bad disguise -- @fangusklot

Leaf Archer Dwarf, whose name we do not know because their player enraged an ancient shaman who cursed him with being unable to finish sentences -- @asuccessfulbusinessman

Evindal Mialamin, Tojo Clan Shimano Family Lieutenant, who has the ability to seemingly be everywhere at once -- @bisbyworl

Glock Elf, an elf who has a Glock -- Yours Truly.

DM -- a tormented existence.

The party was last seen trying to avoid the Ultra FBI after accidentally sneaking into Fort Knox, where they drew dicks over every single gold bar.

[simplyoriginalcharacters]

Carothann

(Haha! I managed to get a revision done that I think should be more useful to actual development!)

Cori here! You can read the rest of this revision, and my thoughts on it, under the cut:

Name: Carothann

Nickname: Caro

Species: Space Elf (Alenar)/European Rowan hybrid

Gender: Male/Monoecious plant

Sexual Orientation: Unknown

Age

Chronologically: 5

Physically to Alenar: 25

Physically to Humans: 15

Birthdate: Unknown

Occupation: Explorer/plant mage

Alignment: Neutral Good

Group/Organizational Affiliations: Crew of the Tynil’s Wing

Family: Crew of the Tynil’s Wing, especially Glinn Hercan, James Rhodan, and Aias Mialamin

Relationship Status: Single

Other Relationships: Creator, Morgan Bautista (also enemy)

Height: 5’3”/160 cm

Weight: ??? (Since he’s partially a plant, this is difficult to calculate)

Build: Slim, almost twiggy

Skin Tone: Grey-brown, barklike

Hair: Green rowan leaves, appearing somewhat spiked

Eyes: Green, catlike

Face: Narrow, catlike as well, framed by long, pointed ears

Identifying Marks: Green Lines with Filigree Mutation, plantlike appearance

Personality: Carothann, first and foremost, is an introvert. He rarely reaches out to new people, and it takes him a long time to warm up to new people. This is mostly a reaction to his creation and formative years—new people could be trying to use him just like they were, so he has to be careful. He is also intensely intelligent—he learns new subjects easily. Knowledge is something he enjoys because it is his—you can’t take the things he knows away from him like you can take away physical things.

That said, when he trusts that you won’t betray him (which is far easier for Alenar than for humans), he is an enthusiastic (if still quiet) and loyal friend. The biggest danger you have to watch out with him is that he will try to please you before he pleases himself, which is something he learned to get his creator to leave him alone.

If forced into the public eye, Carothann falls back onto training that prepared him to be an assistant and courtesan for the highest bidder. This has made him an exceptional diplomat, in that he knows how to present potentially disagreeable knowledge in an agreeable way, but he tends to hide for hours—if not days—after due to the stress.

Current Goal: Find the others from his genetic lineage, stop his creator

Life Goal: Same as above

Motto: “Things that are worth it aren’t easy.”

Best Quality: Intelligence

Worst Quality: Over-pleasing

Fears: Small areas without exits, chains, medical procedures, humans for a while

Hobbies: Growing plants, reading, astronomy

Talents: Growing plants at will, can see in the dark

Skills: Astronomical navigation, botany, dancing, diplomacy

The alenar are an advanced race from deep space, with magic granted by the Lines that glow on their skin. One of their favorite uses for their magic is to genetically alter their own people, with each new line treated as all others are.

Humans were allowed to give input, and while most helped the alenar to come up with new ways to alter their people, some decided to take the technology for their own profit, requiring the two races to band together to find and reclaim the technology and the unfortunate alenar hybrids that were produced.

Carothann is one of those hybrids. He was created by scientists working under Morgan Bautista, a major underworld figure, as a new line of customizable personal slaves. Carothann was of the first line, so the only options were plant-based or normal Alenish features. Once created (a two-year process including accelerated growth so as to make sure the line is viable and learning while still in that growth, so that the child is ready to function in Alenish society), they were trained to see to all of the needs of their purchasers.

After a year of training, Carothann and a few others were put up for auction and sold very quickly. His was the last stop, but before they arrived, there was a malfunction in one of the engines, which exploded and left the ship stranded. The crew abandoned ship, leaving Carothann to die—and he would have if he hadn’t a. had the power to fill his cell with plants and b. hadn’t been found by the Tynil’s Wing.

One of the Alenar crewed on the Tynil’s Wing, Glinn Hercan, was the first Alenar he had ever met, and the one to pull him from the ship. Carothann immediately bonded with him, and once he had recovered enough to stand being around the humans on the Wing, joined the crew to stay with his foster-father and to find his creator and bring the man to justice.

(You asked about markings, Cori, and one thing that’s kind of hard to explain in the profile is the Lines. Those are glowing lines of magic that every Aleno/Alena bears, and they tend to follow the skeleton. The Filigree mutation that Carothann has makes the Lines branch out more than they should, providing an increase in power but a corresponding decrease in control. Carothann will probably have fertile feet as he ages.

His fears are from the punishments he was given for rebelling (chains, small spaces without exits) and from the place he grew up (medical ward to avoid getting them sick). Being only surrounded by uncaring-at-best humans is what made him afraid of humans—he has very little experience with Alenar, but his fellows were all kind to one another, and Alenar are touch-telepaths and therefore are easy to trust because their true intentions are hard to conceal.

I’m honestly stuck on what he was like pre-recovery, because I don’t know how to extrapolate backwards from a quiet introvert who prefers to keep to himself and avoid conflict into something that isn’t ‘literally hides all the time.’ That’s the most likely answer, but it’s not exactly the most /interesting/.)

This is a pretty good revision that addresses a lot of my points from the original submission. I like the additional details within his appearance section, especially telling me what kind of plant he resembles--a rowan is a lot different from something like a pine tree or a willow! In order to make Caro’s appearance section even better, my suggestion is to elaborate on the details here--stuff like his ‘hair’ length and his eye shape. I’d also like to see you eventually apply all this information into a paragraph instead of separate points, but the way you have it at the moment works well too. The extra details you’ve added to Caro’s personality are a nice touch. My only suggestion for you now is to add more details to give Caro that extra depth--for example, think of an emotion that he would be reluctant to express based on his history (anger, maybe?). Now put him in a scenario where he experiences that emotion and tell me how he handles it. What about his sense of humor? Does Carothann like to laugh or is he reluctant to? People experience a wide variety of emotions no matter what kind of history they have. Carothann’s default emotional state might be dominated by his anxieties, but there will still be times when he feels something different.

I’m glad that you addressed a lot of my questions about Carothann’s backstory. Now that I’m getting a larger picture of what’s happened to him, I feel like I can understand him and his motivations a lot better. Those Lines that you mentioned sound like they’re pretty important, so it would be a good idea for you to learn how to explain what they are effectively. What you’ve given me here is a good start--what they do, that they’re something everyone of his species has, and that his are different in some way.

As far as your concerns regarding Caro’s behavior pre-recovery, I don’t think you should avoid the hiding element ALL the time, even though it’s not the most interesting. You could also consider that, since Glinn rescued Caro and they bonded almost right away, Caro might be a little dependent on Glinn for a while after his rescue. If he thinks that he can only trust and depend on one person on the ship, he would probably try to be around him as much as possible--maybe even to the point of annoying Glinn a little bit. You could also address how he feels around the human crewmembers when he is first rescued, and how (and why) that changes over the course of his time with them. Good work, and happy writing! ~Cori

[nizar-rama]

Outing Bersama Terang Surabaya dengan seluruh sekolah yang bekerjasama dengan Terang Surabaya. #selamatharipendidikannasional #Surabaya #mialamin

[nizar-rama]

Tanggal 22 Maret kemarin Sowan Gus Mus, ke Rembang di PP Raudlatut Thalibin. Meskipun hanya sebentar semoga berkah dan bermanfaat ilmu yang disampaikan Gus Mus. Terimakasih Terang Surabaya yang sudah men-jembatani acara sowan ke Gus Mus. #Latepost #TerangSurabaya #mialamin #GusMus #Rembang #Surabaya

[nizar-rama]

Terimakasih Terang Surabaya telah memberangkatkan 26 siswa dan 4 guru MI Al Amin dan 1.000 siswa dan guru sekolah yang bekerjasama dengan Terang Surabaya outing ke Hawai Malang 😁. Sukses selalu dan tuhan memberkati. Semoga bermanfaat dan berkah untuk siswa-siswi sekolahnya 😊😘 #TerangSurabaya #Mialamin #Surabaya

[nizar-rama]

Terimakasih untuk KKN Literasi @uinsasby jilid 4 periode Agustus - Desember 2017. Semoga apa yang dilakukan pada #mialamin bisa bermanfaat untuk peserta didik kami dan semoga cepat lulus kuliahnya amiin 🙏, terimakasih juga untuk bingkisan dan sumbangan buku bacaan untuk perpus kami. See you next time. Kami tunggu KKN Literasi @uinsasby jilid 5 tahun besok 😁🍻 #kknliterasi #uinsasurabaya #surabaya (di RA. MI Al Amin)

[nizar-rama]

SELAMAT HARI PAHLAWAN #Latepost #mialamin #surabaya

[nizar-rama]

Merdeka atau Mati #HariPahlawan10Nopember2017 #mialamin (di Surabaya, Indonesia)

[nizar-rama]

Terimakasih untuk bantuan buku "Why" the series sejumlah 25 judul Terang Surabaya 🙏. Semoga barakah untuk siswa dan memang bisa menjadi refrensi dan merubah kebiasaan malas membaca. #terangsurabaya #mialamin #surabaya #yisb #ypauss

[nizar-rama]

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Hiduplah Indonesia Raya 🇮🇩 #ri72 #Merdeka #HutRI72 #MIALAMIN

[nizar-rama]

Para pemenang lomba dalam rangka HUT RI ke 72. Semoga bermanfaat untuk para siswa dan barakah untuk gurunya 🙏. Dirgahayu Indonesia ✊. #ri72 #MIALAMIN #HutRI72

[nizar-rama]

Dirgahayu Indonesia ke 72. Semoga lebih aman,damai dan sejahtera kedepannya, merasakan kemerdekaan yang sebenarnya. Semoga tidak ada lagi orang yang sedikit-sedikit bawa agama,bawa konspirasi dan semoga orang-orang stress di DP* segera disembuhkan amiin. #ri72 #MIALAMIN #Merdeka #HutRI72

[nizar-rama]

Pra Acara pembagian sepatu oleh Terang Surabaya di MI Al Amin Semampir Surabaya. Terimakasih untuk kerja keras dari Pendidik dan Tendik MI Al Amin dan seluruh Tim Terang Surabaya yang sudah berjuang keras untuk acara bagi Sepatu di JX Internasional Surabaya 29/07/17. untuk 62 sekolah SD/MI di Surabaya semoga barokah untuk siswa, sekolah dan terang surabaya. Semoga tuhan selalu bersama kita mendukung apa yang telah kita berikan untuk generasi bangsa ini. Sehat selalu untuk semua sekolah Terang Surabaya, Tim Terang Surabaya dan Donatur 🙏. #TerangSurabaya #buyasyafiimaarif #MIALAMIN #Surabaya

[nizar-rama]

Pra acara pembagian sepatu #TerangSurabaya dari Yayasan Indonesia Sejahtera Barokah untuk 62 SD/MI di Surabaya 29/07/17 di JX. Sudah tercapai berfoto, bertemu dan mencium tangan salah satu tokoh bangsa ini. Semoga beliau tetap sehat untuk selalu menjaga bangsa ini dari kehancuran moral dan pola pikir. Sehat selalu prof. #buyasyafiimaarif #TerangSurabaya #MIALAMIN #Surabaya (di Sawah Pulo)

[nizar-rama]

Perpisahan untuk memulai hal baru bersama orang lain tanpa melupakan teman yang lama. Mau tidak mau harus meninggalkan yang lama tapi tidak harus dilupakan. #mialamin #nzr182 #stillbreathing (di Villa Cemara, Pacet.)