#mia dolan. here’s to the mess we make.

[lovehurried]

muse tag dump  -  m + n + o + p.

[kevrocksicehouse]

We watched Emma Stone grow from teen movies to Oscar bait. She’s 32 now. A few of her milestones.

Olive Penderghast in Easy A. D: Will Gluck (2010). A teen-comedy riff on “The Scarlet Letter” introduced audiences to a new teen star with a husky voice and a mile-a-minute mind who, after telling a white lie about sleeping with a nonexistent boyfriend, finds herself in a crosscurrent of teen gossip and moralistic hypocrisy, a current she takes control of and spins every which way but loose just for the hell of it. A funny and tough performance that, for a change never goes soft (even the happy ending is a parody of the 80s films that 90s kids grew up with) and as definitive a star-making role as I’ve ever seen.

Mia Dolan in La La Land. D: Damien Chazelle (2016). In this visionary musical about dreams and compromises among Los Angeles wannabes Stone and Ryan Gosling proved that they didn’t need Astaire and Rogers singing and dancing prowess to replicate their chemistry. And Stone’s singing in the climactic “Audition” (“Here’s to the hearts that break/ Here’s to the mess we make”) after she returns to the city that broke her for one more try, reminds us of how much great singing is great acting.

Abigail Masham in The Favourite. D: Yorgos Lanthimos (2018). In this blackest of comedies about court intrigue in 18th century Britain, Stone is the cousin of Sarah Churchill (Rachel Weisz), whose influence with the frail and addled Queen Anne (Olivia Colman) makes her the Empire’s de facto ruler. When chance and ambition put Abigail in the Queen’s court, it makes the position-jockeying of All About Eve look like holding hands and singing Kumbayah. “You do not need me as an enemy,” Stone admonishes a rival. “As it turns out I am capable of much unpleasantness.” Her accent is flawless.

[kaoruyogi]

C’est Si Bon

I saw this post yesterday about a 1950′s AU Cullen, and this morning I woke up with the full story in my head. So here it is! It’s a little long, so I put part of it under a cut for the sake of people’s dashes.

For @lyrium-blossom ​, @kagetsukai ​, @mssaboteur ​, @ladydragon1316 ​, @veritasrose, @laraslandlockedblues ​, and anyone else who’s interested!

Pairing: Cullen Rutherford x Belle Dolan (1950′s AU one shot)

Rating: T for Teen

Today would be the day. Cullen decided it as he rose from his old bed in his old room in his parents’ old house. Today would be the day he ventured out. He had been outside since coming back, but he also had not. He had yet to journey beyond the corner three houses down.

Fear kept him at home those six months. It was not a rational fear, he decided about two months into his self-imposed confinement. But it was fear, nonetheless.

He ran his fingers through his hair and puffed out a humorless laugh at himself. He was what they called a “POW.” Pee-Oh-Doubleyou. Prisoner of war. Captured and kept alive. Alive as his enemy saw fit to keep him. As it happened, they chose not to keep him very alive. They locked him away, fed him food they told him over and over was poisoned until he was so starved he ate it anyway because even death would be better than the void in his gut, tortured him, tortured his platoon, killed them one by one.

His puff of a dead laugh was not aimed at all that, but at the irony of his present condition. All he could think of when he was over there was his freedom. Now he had it, and all he was doing with it was locking himself up afresh. Self-inflicted isolation.

So, today would be the day. Cullen dressed simply, comfortably. White cotton tee shirt, tired blue jeans, black and white sneakers—the left one had a smudge on it he reminded himself to clean later—and his black leather jacket. The jacket would not have been his first choice for outerwear before he went over there, but now it helped. His brother gave it to him when he got back. Said it was for luck. Cullen hadn’t the faintest idea how a jacket could be lucky, but then he still kept at least one of his dog tags on his person at all times. So he took the jacket, and today he wore it.

He left his room. The first step. His mabari, Charles, followed him through the house. Cullen was the only person in that house who called the dog by his proper name. All his siblings insisted on calling him Charlie. Cullen found it quite irksome. He petted Charles on the head twice.

Cullen gave himself a onceover in the bathroom mirror before he left the house. His mother always told him he was such a handsome boy, and he might once have been. But a scar—a remnant of the dozens or hundreds or thousands of beatings he suffered—now marred his face. It rose from his upper lip to his cheekbone, pink and shiny and horrible. He did not like the man staring back at him. He put a hand over the glass before he walked away.

He brought Charles with him when he left. The poor mabari had not been on a proper walk in ages, and it was as good an excuse as any to have him at Cullen’s side. The large gray dog rarely left Cullen’s side, as it happened. It gave him great comfort to have Charles with him as he walked, like taking a piece of home with him into a vast and terrifying wilderness of concrete and brick and people.

Cullen walked past the corner. He walked down the street. He nodded his greeting to an elderly neighbor as she watered her begonias. He approached Main Street. He gripped Charles’s leash tight in his fist, doing his best to ignore the onslaught of noise around him. Screaming children. Metal roller skate wheels grinding on cement. The rumble of the occasional passing Cadillac.

To his surprise, he arrived on Main Street without incident. He watched Charles watch their surroundings, and it put him a touch more at ease knowing someone had his back. Together they passed Adan’s Pharmacy. Then they passed Sims Grocers, Cabot’s Malts N’More, two beauty salons, the cinema, and the library. They made it all the way to town hall without a word or glance from anyone.

Cullen thought he had done quite enough for today. He and Charles turned around to head home the same way they came, feeling rather accomplished they had come so far. Even Charles held his head a little higher.

As they approached the library, the front door opened. A young woman, about his age, exited the building. She wore a dress the color of a robin’s egg covered in tiny white dots, and it swayed wide around her pale calves as she walked. Her slightly curved nose was buried in an open book, and her red hair was gathered into a ponytail, forming a single fat curl that brushed her collar. He could not see her entire face, but he would know her anywhere.

Belle. She was the girl he grew up admiring. As children, they went to the nearby lake with their classmates to swim in the summers. He used to watch her red hair in the sun as it dried into wild but gentle curls and listen to her boisterous laugh. In high school, he walked her home on Thursdays. It was out of his way by several blocks, but he never said a word about that. He listened to her talk about all the magnificent things she wanted to do with her life, and he did his best to bring out her boisterous laugh for himself. She smiled at him once while she sang her solo in the school choir. She embraced him once after his parents died. She kissed him once in the dark after their last high school dance. He left the smudge of her too-bright lipstick on his mouth until the next morning.

Cullen’s heart tightened in his chest as she approached him. He had not seen her since before he shipped out to basic training. What if she grimaced when she saw him? What if she disliked the man he had become? What if he was so broken and wrong she did not recognize him at all?

But all those questions proved pointless. Belle’s attention was so rapt on the contents of her book, she walked right past him. He heard her humming while she went. “C’est Si Bon,” by Eartha Kitt. His sister, Mia, played the tune once when her boyfriend, Marcus, came over for dinner. Cullen was not one for anything Orlesian, but he liked the song well enough.

Against his better judgment, Cullen called after her. “Belle,” he said once at too low a volume. When she did not turn, he said it again, much louder.

Belle gasped hard, and her book tumbled from her hands onto the sidewalk. Guilt filled Cullen’s gut at the sight. She whirled around with a blend of shock and ire on her face. It melted away the moment she laid her hazel eyes on him. She smiled. His heart leapt into his throat.

“Cullen,” she said, and she rushed back toward him, leaving her book on the sidewalk. “I’m so happy to see you!”

“I-It’s good to see you too, Belle,” he said. He felt foolish under her gaze. It was a silly notion to call out to her like that. He had no idea what to say to her.

“It’s been a long time. You look well.” She meant it. He did not expect her to mean it.

Before he could reply, she cast her eyes down and let out a happy, “Charles!” Cullen had forgotten she was the only other person that called the mabari by his proper name. Belle knelt down to pet the dog. “It’s been much too long since I’ve seen your handsome face, Charles.” Charles grunted and licked her hand, and she only just managed to stop him licking her face as well.

“You look very well, too,” said Cullen as she stood.

“Thank you.” She paused for three seconds too long, her eyes wandering over his face. They were beautiful eyes. “I missed you, you know,” she finally said. “You never told me when you were shipping out. I would’ve come to see you off. Given you something for good luck or…something.”

“Ah, yes, I—” His free hand reached up to rub the back of his neck. An old habit. “I’m sorry. At the time, I didn’t think it was much to fuss over. I thought I…I thought I would be back sooner.”

Belle smiled again, exposing the wide pointed canines she had ever since her baby teeth fell out. “It’s alright. I probably would have cried all over you anyway. Turned into a damn sobbing mess and not let you get on the bus. So it was probably for the best.” She was the first non-adult he ever heard curse when they were young. She had not changed a bit.

“I missed you, too,” said Cullen before he could stop the words leaving his mouth. Surely, she would think him too forward now. She would leave, and he would never see her again but for the occasional casual coincidence.

But she laughed. She laughed her boisterous laugh, and something fluttered in his chest. “Well, good! I’m glad to know my missing wasn’t one-sided.” She laid an absent pat on Charles’s ribs. He panted happily at the loud thump it made. “Let me buy you a malt or a Coke or something,” she said after a moment. “Cabot still likes me, and he’ll let me take a couple of his glasses to the park or something so we can catch up. If you’re up for it, that is.”

“That won’t be necessary. I can pay fo—”

“Hooey. I’m buying. To make up for the good luck gift I never got to give you. I won’t hear another word about it except ‘yes,’ and ‘thank you, oh wonderful, kind, fabulous Belle.’” She lifted her chin with her superior little grin.

Cullen chuckled. He had not laughed much lately. “Alright,” he said. “Yes. Thank you, oh wonderful, kind, fabulous Belle.”

“Ha!” She clapped once. “Good! Oh.” She turned and ran two short steps to recover her library book, and she dusted it off on her two short steps back. She hooked her arm over his crooked elbow, smiled up at him, and said, “Shall we?”

“Of course,” he said, and the three of them began their walk together.

Today would be the day.

*****

[laragazzaconunsogno]

Here's to the fools who dream, crazy as they may seem. Here's to the hearts that break. Here's to the mess we make.

Mia Dolan (Emma Stone) - La La Land

[allthefckinglove-pjm]

“Here’s to the ones who dream / Foolish, as they may seem / Here’s to the hearts that ache / Here’s to the mess we make.” - Mia Dolan, La La Land (2017) 

[vanyaviranda]

I feel you, Mia Dolan.

Dalam film La La Land, Mia Dolan (Emma Stone), berupaya mewujudkan mimpinya menjadi aktris di Los Angeles. Audisi demi audisi ia lalui demi mendapat peran di sebuah pertunjukkan drama. Proses itu mengantarkannya pada penolakan dari satu waktu ke waktu. Namun ia tetap mengejar mimpinya, sambil menjalani hidup normal sebagai barista, serta, menyempatkan diri untuk jatuh cinta dengan Sebastian Wilder (Ryan Gosling). Disclaimer: The rest of the writing is not a movie review.

Jujur saja, setengah jam pertama menonton film ini, saya bosan. Tapi, ini bukan salah filmnya, bukan juga salah sang Director, Damien Chazelle. Mungkin ini karena ketidakmampuan saya mengapresiasi film musikal dengan baik. Seiring cerita berjalan, kebosanan ini hilang begitu saya terhipnotis dengan energi Mia Dolan, sang pemimpi dengan segala gejolak emosinya dalam mengejar mimpinya.

Mia, Mia, actually I feel you. Sakitnya perasaan ketika seluruh upaya telah dikerahkan untuk meraih sesuatu, namun berujung kegagalan. Tetapi seharusnya saya sudah tau risikonya dari awal; bahwasanya mimpi adalah pisau mata dua. Mimpi membuatmu punya motivasi hidup, sekaligus membuatmu punya pengharapan. Dan kadang kala, jarak antara pengharapan dan kenyataan memang panjang. Bahkan ketika kaki ini tiba di ujung jarak, sang pengharapan belum tentu berjodoh dengan sang kenyataan baik.

Adalah kegagalan LPDP, yang membuat saya merasa terhubung dengan Mia Dolan. Tepat satu tahun lalu di bulan yang sama, saya mengikuti seleksi LPDP Program Magister Luar Negeri, baik seleksi substantif hingga sesi wawancara. La La Land versi saya sudah tercipta dalam benak, jauh sebelum saya berjuang di kehidupan nyata. Sungguh menyenangkannya hidup di dataran tinggi Yorkshire, Inggris Utara, di sebuah kota pelajar bernama Leeds yang tak sehiruk-pikuk London. Rasanya, kaki saya sudah berpijak duluan di rerumputan Roundhay Park, sebelum benar tiba disana. Mimpi, atau lebih pantasnya disebut khayalan itu tercipta sesaat setelah saya menerima Unconditional LoA dari University of Leeds.

Lalu, setting khayalan itu pindah. Kali ini, saya sedang memasuki ruangan kelas di The Attenborough Tower, salah satu gedung di kampus tua di Inggris. Kelas itu sudah usai di sore hari, sehingga saya sempat mampir ke Abbey Park untuk menikmati sisa senja. Khayalan ini lagi-lagi tercipta sesaat setelah saya menerima Unconditional LoA dari University of Leicester.

Mungkin saya lebih ulung berkhayal daripada bermimpi seperti Mia Dolan. Lagi-lagi saya tidak tahu diri. Khayalan ini berpindah sejauh 15,000 km dari Britania Raya, menuju Australia. Disana saya berada di daerah suburban St. Lucia, dimana saya sering tergopoh-gopoh melewati gedung-gedung kampus dengan arsitektur megah di University of Queensland. Kadang, saya ber-teleport ke belahan barat negara ini, tepatnya kota Perth, di sebuah kota suburb Crawley. Hidup dan melanjutkan studi di University of Western Australia, sembari menanti gigs tahunan St. Jerome’s Laneway Festival yang berlangsung di Freemantle. Kedua khayalan itu tercipta saat kedua Unconditional LoA dari dua kampus tersebut tiba di email saya.

Sepertinya saat itu saya lupa, saya belum masuk ruangan audisi. Tepatnya, memulai seleksi LPDP, gerbang mimpi yang sesungguhnya. Hey, bahkan Mia Dolan saja harus antri sebelum masuk ruang audisi.

Tepat satu tahun lalu, malam-malam senyap menyaksikan saya menulis dan merevisi essay hingga larut dalam kantuk. Mencuri waktu bekerja untuk mendatangi Dosen di eks-kampus tercinta, demi tanda tangan dan cap resmi surat referensi yang melengkapi validitas saya sebagai kandidat. Bolak-balik mendatangi sebuah rumah sakit, demi surat keterangan sehat dan bebas narkoba. Menerjang hujan demi tiba di kantor Polisi, demi surat catatan berkelakuan baik. Belum lagi siang-malam berlatih di depan cermin sembari memegang daftar frequently asked question buatan sendiri, seolah-olah saya bisa membaca isi kepala interviewer nanti. Dan tak terhitung simpuhan dan sujud di atas sajadah, meski masih sering lalai lima waktu.

Upaya itu pada akhirnya berbuah kata “maaf”.

Mia, Mia, jika saya sudah kenal kamu duluan satu tahun yang lalu, boleh ajari saya bernyanyi dan menari? Karena saya tidak bisa merespons kegagalan dengan nyanyian dan tarian. Menyesalkan nasib, saya nangis, marah, kecewa. Seperti saat Mia diminta keluar dari ruang audisi dengan cepatnya, padahal ia baru menampilkan satu line script. The best performance is yet to show, isn’t it?

Barangkali hidup ini memang benar adil. Sutradara kehidupan ini konon katanya Maha Adil. Dan sutradara film mau ikut-ikutan dibilang adil. Mia Dolan diberikan kesempatan lagi. Ia tampil gemilang dan emosional, sungguh bagi saya adalah adegan terbaik.

“Here's to the ones who dream Foolish, as they may seem Here's to the hearts that ache Here's to the mess we make”

And there you go, c’est la vie. Ketika seseorang berhenti berharap, keberhasilan itu akhirnya tiba. She finally got the role.

Barangkali betul, ada harga yang harus dibayar demi mimpi. Tenaga, waktu, uang, dan keberanian membuat keputusan-keputusan penting, termasuk kehilangan orang yang kita cintai.

Seorang Mia Dolan, perlu setidaknya lima tahun, untuk dapat mewujudkan mimpinya menjadi aktris. Dan saya? “Baru” satu kali gagal, sudah amat kepayahan untuk bounce back.

Maybe this yours truly ain’t the persistent version of Mia Dolan yet.

[junker-town]

Is Kristaps Porzingis a unicorn or a G.O.A.T. for Halloween?

We have that and more in Tuesday’s NBA newsletter.

Kristaps Porzingis is off to one hellacious start in the post-Melo Knicks World. His latest feat was a 38-point outburst to beat rival Nikola Jokic and the Nuggets. He owned the paint, he hit a pull-up from the logo, he did it all. He's clearly an MVP candidate on the long list right now. (He remains humble, of course.)

What's most scary is that the Knicks are 3-3 after losing their first three. Actually, I take that back: what's most scary is that six months ago Porzingis was skipping his exit interview with the team's personnel boss and said boss, Phil Jackson, was talking about potentially having to trade Kristaps. Dodged a bullet there, New York!

James Dolan is still the worst, the roster is still a mess, the overall franchise outlook is still a problem. But the Knicks have Kristaps Porzingis, a potential top-5 player in the near future. That is one hell of a building block, and the single reason the Phil Jackson era wasn't a total loss.

Be sure to check out Paul Flannery’s feature on Porzingis’ important season.

Scores Galore ...

SAS 94, BOS 108 MIN 125, MIA 122 (OT) DEN 110, NYK 116 PHI 115, HOU 107 CHA 104, MEM 99 ORL 115, NOP 99 DAL 89, UTA 104 TOR 99, POR 85 GSW 141, LAC 113

... And So Much More

Nothing can get the Warriors back on track like playing the Clippers. Golden State had 74 at the break and sprinted away from L.A. in the second half. Their garbage time is honestly must-see TV.

Dion Waiters damn near did it. He had a couple of YUGE shots in crunch time against the Wolves, but Minnesota edged the Heat in overtime. Miami was without Hassan Whiteside, but its defense concerns me a little. Minny scored 15 in OT.

Speaking of the Wolves, Karl-Anthony Towns wore some very cool Halloween inspired sneakers.

Here's Zach Lowe on how the Clippers kept Blake Griffin and why they all think this is going to work in the post-CP3 era.

Meet the Celtics' defensive juggernaut, spearheaded by Al Horford. Boston has won five straight, by the way.

As usual, extraordinary costumes at LeBron's annual Halloween bash. I'm a sucker for the Dwyane Wade-Gabrielle Union Milli Vanilli look. Also, is Isaiah Thomas the first adult who dressed up like Eazy-E but wasn't a foot too tall?

Six reasons not to worry about the Warriors or the Cavaliers.

Marshawn Lynch experiencing everyone's favorite NBA halftime show, Red Panda, for the first time is wonderful.

We had a botched link yesterday. Here's the Marc Spears story on players paying attention when teams do or do not show respect to former players.

Victor Oladipo is making it a bit easier for Pacers fans to get over losing Paul George.

Shout out to Klay Thompson for raising a bunch of money for Wine Country fire relief.

I wrote about the odd disciplinary decisions the NBA made around the Warriors-Wizards fight.

Who Got Next?

Four games for Halloween night. NBA TV has Thunder-Bucks at 8 p.m. ET (fun!) and Pistons-Lakers (KCP revenge game!) at 10:30. Full schedule here.

Be excellent to each other.

[dertumblintylerweed]

"Here's to the fool's who dream. Crazy as they may seem. Here's to the hearts that break. Here's to the mess we make."

Mia Dolan La La Land

[lovehurried]

@wantslife​​ said:    “It’s just some fuckin’ letters on a hill.” apart together starters  •  accepting.

“So you’re not impressed, then?” Mia looks over, not quite able to keep herself from grinning.

[the-mad-hatters-book-darling]

»Here is to the fool who dream, crazy as they may seem. Here’s to the hearts that break. Here’s to the mess we make.« – Mia Dolan (La La Land)

[lovehurried]

”I'm working on a dream.”

@wasworthy​ gets yet another lyric one-liner Working on a Dream  ( Bruce Springsteen,  Working on a Dream  ( 2009 ) )

[lovehurried]

FREE FOR ALL STARTER CALL  •  @faithexcels  •  Ashe Duran

“It’s just not sticking,” She huffs, leaning back in her seat and irritably leafing back through the script. “It’s like my brain has some kind of barrier up against this one scene. Do you ever get that?”

[lovehurried]

FREE FOR ALL STARTER CALL  •  @turnabouterror​​

“Wait, you’re picking up a law, too?” Mia raises her eyebrows. “Damn, you’re a glutton for punishment.”

[lovehurried]

T.WITTER STARTER CALL  •  @withflour​

“Hey, um, I saw you were looking for a waitress?” Mia’s smile is a little nervous; for some reason, trying to get normal jobs is even more stressful than auditioning. “I don’t have a resume on me, but I saw the sign when I was passing and figured I’d come in anyway.”

[lovehurried]

TAG DROP  •  Mia Dolan (1/2)

MIA DOLAN  •  here’s to the mess we make. MIA DOLAN  :  face. MIA DOLAN  :  voice. MIA DOLAN  :  about. MIA DOLAN  :  thoughts. MIA DOLAN  :  likes. MIA DOLAN  :  music. MIA DOLAN  :  desires. MIA DOLAN  :  wardrobe. MIA DOLAN  :  aesthetic. MIA DOLAN  &  john dolan. MIA DOLAN  &  rosemarie dolan. MIA DOLAN  &  gabrielle dolan. MIA DOLAN  &  sebastian wilder.  ( seizingdays ) MIA DOLAN  &  tracy hernandez. MIA DOLAN  &  caitlin mizuno.