#mi manchi sigh

[janniksnr]

[syri-kalter]

Oggi, ti ho visto di sfuggita. Ti sei girato e i nostri sguardi si sono incrociati. Mi eri mancato, un bel po'. Anch'io ti ero mancata ma ho sentito un po' di distanza sta volta. Forse perché sono io a crearla questa distanza, non so se sto facendo bene o male. Se mia sorella scopre che ero da te, mi ammazza. Comunque sia, sono venuta e siamo stati insieme. Volevo stare di più da te, ma non potevo proprio permettermelo. Ma adesso vorrei proprio vederti, cosa farai?

Hai avuto solo un piccolo assaggio di me, di chi sono e della mia natura magica. Io ti ho visto, sei bravo, bello, carino ma ultimamente ti vedo un po' giù: che cos'hai? e la cosa più importante, deciderai di fare lo sforzo per farmi tua oppure no? Io ovviamente continuerò per la mia strada; se il destino deciderà di far incrociare le nostre strade, allora bene, altrimenti ti vorrò sempre bene. per i bei ricordi passati insieme, per il bel cuore che hai, ti voglio bene, tanto bene.

[canonicallyobserving911]

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 28 is now available on AO3.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

“I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Currently 28 chapters completed: 1.177M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 28 of an emotional Eddie and Buck having a heated conversation about sex.

___________

Buck pulls back, meets Eddie’s eyes and whispers, “Mi manchi e ti voglio!” [“I miss you and I want you!”]

“Mi manchi anche tu! Ma… ma non dovremmo… voglio dire, dovremmo fermarci.” [“I miss you too!” But… but we shouldn’t… I mean we should stop.”]

While searching Eddie’s beautiful brown eyes for an answer to his hesitancy, he asks, “Allora qual è il problema?” [Then what’s the problem?”]

Eddie’s not sure how to respond because he wants him and he’s ready to make love but how does he tell his husband he’s afraid he might die during the middle of them having sex? Before January 2nd he never considered it but now, he can’t get the images of Buck’s limp body hanging from the aerial and him lying on the floor of their living room out of his mind.

He asks, “Non mi vuoi?” [“Don’t you want me?”]

Eddie’s eyes widen because he asked the same question two weeks ago.

When he doesn’t verbally respond, his silence says everything Buck needs to hear. He frowns, then he exasperatedly sighs. “Is it me? Did I do something?”

“No! No… no…”

“Then... what are you afraid of Eddie?! Please tell me because I—I don’t understand.”

How will Eddie respond to Buck's question?

___________

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Two years ago, Eddie was asked, “What are you afraid of?”; twice, once by Frank and once by Buck but he only answered one of them without deflecting. Since that time, he’s been to therapy and him and Buck got married but the question resurfaces when Frank asks Buck the same question and Buck asks it of Eddie for the second time. However, when Buck asks, his reasoning will be about something else entirely.

Chapter 29 - Will be posted soon.

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Read chapters 1-28 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

[ludocorradino]

Echoes Of Absence

Though I don't miss you, I whisper your name through the veins of my heart, and sigh while thoughts of you linger.

I don't miss you, and it's the truth, yet you're made of thorns: you burn and you sting.

Diminishing you behind your back, only to redeem you, pretending to curse you, but wishing you the happiest fate.

You belong in my dreams, which often turn into nightmares, and suddenly, with a gasp, my heart gets heavy.

I don't even know anymore what the truth is, nor if it has ever been granted to me.

How long have I been living among illusions?

How long has my heart been playing tricks on me? And how long have you been doing it too?

I have got no memories of your voice, and your face is but a fading portrait in time, like the photo of a distant, forgotten dead.

I don't miss you, yet I burn in your call though following the faint smoke, you'd only find eyes irreparably void and cold.

ludov222

non mi manchi eppure sussuro il tuo nome tra le vene del cuore e sospirando ti penso. non mi manchi, ed è la verità ma dopotutto sei fatta di spine e bruci e pungi. ti sminuisco alle spalle solo per poi redimeti, fingo di maledirti ma ti auguro il destino più lieto. Appartieni ai miei sogni che troppe volte diventano incubi e di colpo, con il fiatone, il cuore si fa pesante. non so neanche più io quale sia la verità e neanche so se mi è mai stata concessa. da quanto tempo convivo con le illusioni? da quanto tempo il cuore si prende gioco di me? E da quanto lo fai tu? non ho memorie della tua voce e il tuo viso è solo un ritratto svanito nel tempo, come la foto di un morto lontano, dimenticato. non mi manchi ma brucio nel tuo richiamo, tuttavia seguendo il fumo troveresti soltanto occhi irrimediabilmente vuoti e freddi.

[bernadettelovestokiohotel]

We fell inlove in the beauty of the spring.

Vance x Finney Fanfic Part 3!

When school ended,Finney was peacefully walking home,in hopes that his sister is feeling better,but still very bright that he has a new friend.

As he's walking,he quietly thinks to himself.

"Vance is so cool..He's buff..he's nice..he..has beautiful red lips..Like cherries.."

Finney paused for a moment.

"why am I feeling this way for a BOY?"

Then we have Vance,who was walking 4 blocks away.

"Finney seems so kind,way too much if I'm being honest.I cannot let anyone hurt him.I will not let that happen."

He thought as he tightened his fist.

"he also has beautiful eyes..he looks like an angel."

Without realizing,Vance turned bright red.

He ran into his buddy Bruce,who was known as the "Golden Boy" of the town.

"oh hey Vance!"

Bruce said as he smiled.

"hey Bruce.."

"you're all red,are you okay?"

By Bruce's sentence,Vance realizes he's red and starts covering his face.

"you can tell me if something's going on!"

Bruce added,trying to figure out what was wrong.

"fine.But you cannot tell anyone because I'll probably end up like Jesus on that shitty piece of wood."

"okay!I promise!"

Vance sighs in worry.

"I like someone."

Bruce starts jumping and being all happy.

"WHOS SHE???"

"that's the problem.I want to kiss a boy."

"aw!That's so cute!Who's he?"

Bruce said enthusiasticly.

"you..you don't hate me?"

"no of course not!"

"now tell me who it is!"

Bruce added,as he clinged onto Vance.

"do you know that Finney Blake kid?"

"oh yeah!We play baseball together!WAIT!"

Bruce gasps.

"OOOOOOHHHHH"

"what?!-"

Vance yelled to stop Bruce's screeching.

"he definitely likes you too!"

"he always stares at you,he talks to me about you..he said he wanted to kiss you one time!"

Bruce said as his smile became wider and wider.

Vance didn't know how to react.

"you're mistaken..he likes his lab partner he told me about."

"he's lying.."

Bruce said.

"it's fine."

"thanks anyways"

Vance said as he walked away.

"i really need them to get together."

Bruce thought as he smiled.

"I'm so fucking inlove with him."

Vance said as he walked faster and faster.

He enters his house,seeing it was empty.

"thank god that drunk bastard is gone."

He thought to himself as he went into the living room.

He left his bag and then headed to the cemetery that was not far.

He gets there,and sits next to a grave.

Diane Clarke Hopper

1947-1969

A loving mother and a wife

May the angels fly high with you

"hey mom.."

Vance said as he gets closer to the grave.

"I made a friend today.His name is Finney Blake.hes really nice."

He said as he smiled trying to hide the pain.

"and i have feelings for him."

He continued as he had tears in his eyes.

"i know what you're talking thinking...your son with a boy??What kind of shit is that?"

"but i do love him,a lot."

He leans his head on the grave.

"he reminds me of you."

And as expected,he bursted into tears.

"mi manchi mamma..mi manchi tanto.."

(I miss you mom..I miss you so much.."Vance is Italian cuz yes)

"I can't wait to be with you again."

He said as he got up and put a white rose on her grave.

PART 4 WILL COME LATER TODAY I CAN WRITE SO MUCH MORE AJAJJSUENDNDBDMS

[voidselfshipp]

Il Mio Cuore Mi Manchi, Cara Mia

Cw: food ment,ask to tag

Ok to rb

Summary:jerico prepared everything to receive her boyfriend, who upon seeing her Will become the lovestruck dork he is

||Taglist: @goldenworldsabound @lilacslovers @girlboss-mrsschnee ||

The clock struck five pm, jerico awaited patiently, the tea brewed and the cake cooling off on the table.

A soft knock lets her know that her guest is outside.

She opens the door hugging him-- dottore!-- she says as the Man hugs her back.

-- cara mia(my love) oh how much I missed you-- he takes off his mask, letting her see his scarred side, he presses a kiss to her lips leaving his coat and mask hanging on the coat rack-- I see the tea is ready

He closed the door with his heel, it clicks softly, he uses his powers to make it lock itself as he carries jerico to the table.

Both sit right infront of eachother, he takes her hand pressing a kiss to her knuckles-- il mio cuore mi manchi, cara mia (my love, my heart missed you).

She coos as he served the tea for both of them-- I missed you too mio amore( my love)

--youve been picking up some words huh?,thats my girl, now let Us catch up before the tea becomes cold my dear

She nodds.

They talk the day away, between flirting and Fleeting kisses.

At night, dottore decides to stay, he looks at the big Window before him on the second floor.

Jerico closes said Window pulling the huge doors/blinds close too, locking them.

He takes off his shoes and lays down with his beloved, pulling her closer, and in for a goodnight kiss.

Her lips felt like heaven, the natural heat she provided,aside from her being a walking heater, made him drowsy and sleepy.

But of course before he falls asleep with his lovers hand caressing his scarred face he says-- buona notte, mio amore, sogne d'oro ( goodnight my love, sweet dreams).

He hears her giggle, then a sleepy yawn and finally her breath steadying.

Dottore hugs jerico tightly,his head ontop of hers, caressing the Back of her neck, he sighs making himself comfortable in bed.

Falling asleep with the sounds of the outside, hoping to wake up Next to his beautiful girlfriend and her voice.

[the-darklings]

can i request for march blurb night in advance?? like a santi/v au where they meet after a few years of v being manager and santi being married (and expecting a kid)? im really curious about how the conversation would go down👀👀

—IN MY PLACE;

⤫ pairing: santino x reader!V

⤫ wc: 2.9k+

⤫ notes: BRO. For context, please read this first. Also, blast “In My Place” by Coldplay for extra feels.

“I’m afraid that I cannot—”

Your head snaps up, the pen in your hand stilling as you raise your head towards the door of your office. Charon’s voice is familiar to you but you rarely hear it anything other than soothing monotonous. The unease, the reluctance—those are not things that you hear often, if at all.

Has that dreadful individual arrived already?

No—no, Charon would have rang to inform you first. The Adjudicator is distant in their ruthless professionalism, but they won’t force their way into your office. They better not.

The door slams open and your fingers rest against the comforting weight of a sharpened blade, tensing. Your role now may be to keep order but very few do it as efficiently as you do. There is a reason why you have become such a renowned manager and it has little to do with kindness.

But—

Something clenches around your heart, your spine, dragging you years back at the sight of the face in front of you.

You haven’t seen him since—

Since Santino came to you personally after the news about his engagement broke—not since you told him face-to-face that the only way to keep his power was to follow through with it. Camorra council was getting antsy for heirs, for the security that comes with a continuous line of succession. He could not delay any further without risking an outright rebellion or attempts to take his power.

The power that’s been in his family since Camorra was founded centuries ago.

He hasn’t changed. Same hair, same irritated expression, same arrogant posture, same fancy suit.

Same intense eyes that latch onto you like he’s been starved for the sight of you.

You try to ignore the stab right into your heart at the glimpse of a golden wedding band around his finger.

You try to ignore the way he exhales slowly, like some invisible weight has dropped away from his shoulders now that he’s in front of you.

“My apologies, Miss,” Charon begins and you drag your eyes to your right hand, rising to your feet. “But I’m afraid Mr D’Antonio was rather…insistent on seeing you. I told him you were busy and unavailable—”

Santino’s lips part, his expression dark, but you speak before he can. “Don’t worry,” you reassure Charon, giving him a measured look. “This will not take long. Please continue with the preparations.”

A polite dismissal.

Charon hesitates. Behind his glasses, his dark eyes slide towards the Italian—one of the most powerful men in the world, now—and if you didn’t know any better you would say that Charon gives Santino D’Antonio a warning look before he nods at you. 

He obeys without another word, closing the office door softly behind himself and all is silent.

You have no idea what to say to him. You told him that he should never see you again. That it would be for the best; a clean break. His presence here, now, is like a knife—a slow, dull, searing knife you could spend days twisting inside your heart. Always just a bit more, just a tiny bit longer; you would hold onto him till you can almost pretend that you’re both happy and free. 

“(Name).”

He seems to choke on your name; exhale it from deep inside his chest, soft and loving and hungry. His eyes journey over your features and you see, feel, taste his longing for you in that simple gesture alone. In turn, you chain your own longing tighter. Chain that part of you that wants to do nothing more than to wrap your arms around him and—

I’ve missed your stupid, sleepy face. 

“Congratulations,” you whisper gently instead, trying to keep the pain from your expression and voice by injecting coolness into your words. “It’s wonderful news. I hope it’s an easy pregnancy—”

“Don’t,” he snarls, his expression twisting with rage as he cuts the distance between you but you step back before he can touch you. “I am not here because of that. I’m—”

“Then why are you here, Santino?”

He exhales loudly, the frame of his body restless as it is tense. Upon closer inspection, you realise that you were wrong. He looks miserable. The bags under his eyes are so deep and dark, he looks at least ten years older. Like the cocky ease with which he’s always held himself has crumbled away into nothing. 

“Why?” he breathes unsteadily, and tries to reach for you again but you pull back again, the back of your thighs almost brushing against your work desk. “Why won’t you let me touch you, amore? Let me. Let me.”

His voice is a wrecked whisper as he steps closer, leaning his face closer while his fingers come to cup your cheeks. He’s as frantic as he is hollowed out, unsteady, and you both exhale when your skin meets his. A shudder rolls across your limbs and you have to swallow down your own relief. You know him intimately; the heat of his palms, the tickle of his breath, the scent of his cologne and the security of his presence by your side.

For a moment you simply stand together, your foreheads almost touching, your breaths mingling. You breathe. Deep, haggard breaths. A part of you wonders if this is the first time in a year since either of you has been able to breathe properly. 

“Mi manchi,” he exhales in the space between you, his voice thick, warped. His fingers trace over the curve of your jaw, breathless, and your palm settles against his chest and the thundering beat of his heart alone betrays him. “So much I can’t sleep at night. Every minute, hm, every minute of every day, you haunt me. Tell me—tell me I am not alone in this sickness. This longing. Please, amore.”

Your fingertips hover over the round curve of his cheek, his chin, and you only offer him a pained, “You’re not.” 

You’ve been just as sick with longing for him as he’s been for you but—

He slams into you. The back of your legs crash against the desk but you don’t care because he’s kissing you and god—

It tears through you like a bolt of lightning, just like the first time you’ve kissed and all the times that followed. All those secret, stolen moments between you. The overwhelming heat that explodes through you every time.

His hands are cupping your face, his tongue eager and desperate as it refamiliarise itself with the taste of you and you lean into him too. Your nails scratch against his neck and he groans—that deep, rumbling sound—his hips pressing against yours and you can feel every inch of him. Every exhale and the heat and the taste of him—

You’re burning. You’re not drowning. You’re burning and you want to burn till there is nothing left of you at all. Till you’re both ash and can blow into the wind together, never to be controlled or dependant on the wills of others ever again. 

Your fingers slip into his hair, and he caresses your cheek, jaw, neck. His other hand trails down your neck and the curve of your breast before settling against your waist, greedy and selfish. His movements are barely controlled—like he wants to rush but knows that he needs to savour this—and you grind yourself into him, making him hiss out a breath when you break apart for a second. 

His self-control has snapped long ago, and his fingers snake around your thighs, coaxing and sensual, and your body knows his, so you obey. With his help, it takes only a tiny boost for you to settle on top of your desk. His slender fingers trace up your skin and your legs part for him, making all the room he might want or need. He slips between them easily, without hesitation; a dance and a play you have done a thousand times before. An effortless shifting and coiling of your limbs and—

And his lips are on your neck, the hollow of your throat, the cut of your collarbone. His burning fingers rest against the back of your neck and you sigh at the hotness of his mouth on your skin. Ravenous. His lips and tongue turn the blood in your veins into liquid flame as he explores. Your own fingers are in his hair again and that welcoming, warming heat in your lower stomach blooms—

“Ti amo così tanto.”

You crash back into reality. 

And with it, you push him back so hard, he stumbles.  

You get off the desk at once, smoothing your clothes as you gasp for breath, trying to not look at him. 

“We can’t—” it sounds like you’re talking through a mouthful of crushed glass but ignore the weakness of your own heart. “We can’t do this anymore, Santino.”

“Why not?”

He barely sounds coherent, but you still don’t look in his direction. Because he has such a way of ripping those walls down. Ever since he’s found a way to do it, he can do it with a blink and you hate him for it. You have to be strong now, more than ever, and you resent the fact that it’s you that has to be strong for the two of you.

You douse the heat in your veins, the inferno in your heart that only he has ever managed to ignite to such a degree, and lift your head.

Santino is breathing so heavily, his shoulders are moving with his inhales and you ignore the wild look in those green eyes of his.

“Because you’re married,” you spit out, pained, forcing the words out even as they shred your heart into ribbons, leaving a gushing, bleeding mess behind. “Because you’re expecting a child. Because there are lines we can’t cross anymore. I’m not that kind of person. We—we can’t be together. It’s time to accept that. Let me go. For your own sake just—”

But he’s shaking his head, his fingers flexing, and he approaches you purposely. Fury deepens the line of his face, sets his jaw into a rigid line. “Never.”  

“Please, Santino. You have a wife—”

“I don’t love her,” he snarls lowly, and stalks even closer, his eyes flashing. His gaze is merciless, almost cruel, as he murmurs his next words to you like a confession. “I will never love her. I can’t stand the sight of her, do you understand that, hm? She repels me in every way. On our wedding night, I imagined it was you.”

God, you don’t want to hear this. You can’t—

“Stop.” 

Your plea goes unanswered as his digits settle on your forearms, and he stares at you imploringly, still effortlessly cruel.  

“When I kissed her, I imagined that I was kissing you, tasting you,” he continues softly, and you shake your head, your eyes squeezing shut like you can block his words out if you don’t see the despondent look on his face. “When I fucked her, I imagined that it was you underneath me, amore mio. I imagined that it was love when I forced myself to touch her and make her feel good. And when I came it was with your name on my lips, not hers. How lucky for me that it only took once, no?”

“Stop,” you growl harshly, and shove him away from you again, your blood roaring in your ears. “Stop it. I don’t want to hear this. I—”

Your eyes burn as you turn your head away, trying to control the tsunami of emotion battering against your heart. 

You don’t want to know about a woman—his wife—who exists in your place now.

Santino is silent, his expression drawn, empty. 

It’s so unfair. It’s so fucking unfair. 

“Do you still love me?”

Your heart stops in your chest for a second, your throat closing up as your head jerks back towards him. 

“You know that I do.”

But it doesn’t make a difference. How you feel never makes a goddamn difference. Life never allows you happiness—not really. It throws you scraps of something good before its torn away from you again and again. 

Alone. Always so terribly, awfully alone.

“I don’t want to see you again,” you tell him quietly, and you feel your heart tear itself into tiny pieces. But it needs to be done. It needs to be. “And I forbid you from ever touching me again.”

He’s so still, he doesn’t look like he’s breathing. His expression frozen, his eyes wide, and lips parted in disbelief.

You place your hand against the back of your desk, gripping it so tightly your fingers ache. Something to anchor you to reality, something to help you ignore the lost look on his face, the bob of his throat as he forces himself to swallow. 

“You have your new life, and I have mine,” you tell him, your words devoid of emotion. “We finally got what we both wanted. Power. Don’t you think we should stop ruining each other’s lives? We should both move on and be happy.”

His gaze is frantic. 

“Don’t do this—” 

A sharp knock interrupts him. Santino’s mouth snaps shut and you turn towards the door.

“Come in.”

The door swings open before you’re even done speaking and Charon’s guarded stare goes straight to Santino as he enters. The tall man regards the Italian coolly for a moment before his head tilts in your direction respectfully. 

“Miss, the Adjudicator has arrived and wishes to see you at once.”

Santino is still staring at you, and every second of silence that stretches between you just leaves you colder and colder. 

You both have power now. But there is a price to pay for everything as he’s always been so fond of reminding you. 

Santino straightens, his chin tilting in that painfully familiar, proud manner and you almost crumble then. He empties his features of that longing and desire. Empties himself of everything till you’re left staring at the shell he projects. 

“This is not happiness, amore,” he says, his voice tinted with resentment, and his hands slip into his pockets. “This is not—”

His eyes go to Charon and he looks up the silent man up and down before his eyes cut back to you. 

“Lo sceglierò sempre te,” he states coldly, and you suck in a breath, gripping the table tighter. “Keep that mind, cara mia.” 

With that, he turns around and stalks out of the office, taking your heart with him. 

His footsteps disappear down the corridor and the silence left behind is so dreadful, you can’t bear to look at Charon.  

Minutes drag, but you can’t seem to get rid of the burn in your eyes. You hiss an angry breath from behind your tightly clenched teeth, and press your palm over your eyes. 

“Am I—”

The lump in your throat won’t let you speak, and you work to get rid of it for another few moments before you finally articulate your thoughts. 

“Am I really that undeserving of happiness, Charon?” you wonder in a fragile, wet whisper. “First John, now Santino. Am I really that awful that I can never be h-happy?” 

Crisp steps draw nearer and you lower your hand, staring at the floor. Charon pulls out a serviette from his pocket, offering it to you but you only shake your head, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“You more than deserve happiness, Miss,” he says quietly, almost kindly, and your watery stare raises to his face. “After all you have been through, it is not selfish to desire for such a thing.”

He puts the serviette back into his pocket and seems to hesitate. “Permission to speak freely, Miss?”

Your eyebrows knit. “Always.”

Charon sighs faintly, his head tilting slightly as he gives you a piercing look. “I do believe that if Sir were here, he would tell you to the hell with the rules. Go with your heart as they say.” 

You chuckle weakly, glancing towards the floor before your eyes lift back to the man before you again. “Winston cared about rules above all else.”

Charon’s eyebrow arch into a pointed line. “I do believe, Miss, that it would not be presumptuous for me to say that he cared about you even more. This hotel has always been more than a job, more than a duty to him—it was Sir’s legacy and he entrusted it to you because he believed you could lead better than anyone. But not at the expense of your own happiness.”

Inhaling deeply, you clear your throat, pressing your fingertips against the corners of your eyes. 

“Would you like me to contact Mr D’Antonio—”

“No.”

Charon’s expression slackens with surprise, and you give him a firm look. 

“We have business to attend to,” you tell him resolutely, wiping your face of emotion, of vulnerability you showed him because you trust him just as Winston once did. “Like you said, we have a legacy to uphold. Let’s go and show that terrible, annoying Adjudicator what we’re made of.”   

Charon stands taller, his posture ramrod straight, and he inclines his head with that cool professionalism. “Of course, Miss,” he says, but you see the sadness buried deep in that dark stare. “As you wish.”

Santino has his new family. 

And you have yours. 

It’s time to wake up and live in reality. 

… 

an: AS IF I WAS GONNA WAIT FOR A MONTH FOR THIS PAIN FEST. I would have written this sooner but this ask came through in the middle of my 48 hour COA 11 lockdown and then I had work. But maaaaaan. The pain of this AU………it hit differently. We are here to suffer and suffer only. Hope you “enjoyed” it!!!     

[zuffer-weird-girl]

okay okay hear me out! (this is gonna be kinda long sorry) Kai with an s/o who is quirkless and is apart of the italian mafia?? like she doesn’t actually participate in any of the activities or anything but the rest of her family are superrrr prominent bosses or something? bonus: her family is protective af. i love your writing sm, keep it up!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

He tsked as he folded his papers. Unamusement and disinterest present on his face as he gave the papers to Chrono with a nod.

"An italian mafia you say?" He muttered before getting up from his chair to walk besides you, both gloved hands shoved into his pants pockets.

You nodded with a smile before returning your gaze to your hand, counting your family members.

"There's my older brother, my father, my granfather, my uncle, my aunt, my mother... although she handles more with money than anything. The dirty part stay with partially all of the men and with my younger sister."

He scoffed while rolling his eyes. He knew already about your family being a bunch of gangsters, yet, you never took part of it; which he had to admit he was quite relieved.

Although he was surprised by your defense and attack combats... being able to lockhead Rappa on the ground as you told him to shut up for demaning another match with your boyfriend.

What? You guys were getting out for a date!

The moment Pops got the knowledge of it soon he spoke to Chisaki that he had almost won the lottery, not only he got a partner, but if the yakusa got a partnership from a italian mafia it would surely improve their status and even their situation with money.

Despite agreeing with the man, Chisaki scoffed at the idea of others possibly joining the Shie Hassaikai... they had to prove it to him that they were worth it first.

And normally on his judgment... most didn't passed it and got out alive or conscious.

Yet he had no other choice to meet those... they were the family of his angel after all.

Mimic soon appeared with two man accompanying him, you tilting your head before smilling widely at recognizing their suits and your older brother's stoic face as usual.

"Fratello! Papà! Mi mancate entrambi tanto!" You shouted in glee before running and jumping on the older man in a hug.

Chisaki's muscles tensed at the sign in front of him while he sended a glare to Mimic to get out, the man snickering before he went to wait with chrono at the entrance of Pops office.

"amata figlia, ci manchi da quando hai deciso di vivere qui." The man also spoked in the same language that you did, angering him a bit when not understanding a singoe word.

"Windhead deve aver dimenticato di noi ... idiota." The younger took off his hat to hit the slightest on your head, smirking at your whines.

Ah hell no. How dare this piece of garbage do such a thung to uis angel AND IN FRONT OF HIM no less?

He walked slowly towards them, secretly prwparing to take his gloves off before he stopped at seing your smile.

"Kai I'm sorry. These two gentlemans are my papa and older brother. Giorgio and Vincent." Both nodded at Chisaki which merely glared back.

"They don't speak japanese?" You shook your head, whispering to him that they could before looking at your family again.

"As you two can probably tell, he is Chisaki Kai. The young leader of this organization and also my fidanzato." You giggled at your boyfriend and brother's frow while your father just smiled... although his eyes were trying to intimidate Chisaki.

Good lucky old man. Kai's only fear in this world is getting a incurable disease and losing the person he loves.

"Fi.. fidga..?" He tried to formulate the words in you as a silent 'what the hell does that even mean?'

"Boyfriend." You and your brother spoked at the same time. You with a giggle and Vincent with a scowl on his face.

"I hope my child is having a good life on here young man. And I expect nothing but the best of your attitude for-"

"Not to sound too offensive. I heard Italy is a great place. But (Y/n) is far more better on the yakusa grounds than your own minor gang." You winced at your boyfriend's tone and whispered his name in a effort for him to stop before your father laughed, adjusting his top head a bit.

"A man with guts to answer me with just as confidence. Perfect for my (Y/n)."

You blinked, ignoring the red spreading on your cheeks, in confusion. Ok, your father seemed to like Kai at least. A point taken.

However the worst wasn't him... no no... it was your brother.

Speaking of, Vincent just yaked your arm to push you close to him again as he changed death glares with Chisaki. You gulped the air in your throat as you sended a pleading look at your father to help you.

The man only snickered and crossed his arms, enjoying the show.

After at least what seemed more like eternity of a pregnant silence and death glares your brother decides to break the silence with a sigh.

"Is clear on my face that I don't trust you with my sibling. Only the fact about you being the leader of a japanese mafia just drives me insane about only thinking that (Y/n) decided to be on a relationship with a piece of shit." Your brogger blanly spoked.

You shouted at Vincent angrily for both his language and the disgusting way he just treated your boyfriend before you winced at hearing that iconic sigh and sarcastic snicker as he opened his arms with a smug expression.

"Well. My angel is surely more safe in my arms than in some midget thug from the suburbs of Italy. You call yourself a mobster? That was suppose to make me laugh? Is funny how you act so smug about your project of organization or being the older brother, but in the end you're just as sick as the others." He arched one of his eyebrows while his golden eyes darkened while his voice lowered "This is for adults only. Don't try to pretend on front of me what you clearly aren't. Are you sure you're my angel's brother?"

Your jaw almost fell to the floor as you started to sweat in feat at just feeling the aurea of pure hatred and anger coming from Vincent.

Vincent wasn't short for see... but indeed he was way smaller than Chisaki.

"How about you say that to my fucking face as I rip your organs out of you smug bastard?" He growled while rolled up his sleeves while Kai had already removed the glove from his right hand.

"Well I would like to see you try to even lay a filthy finger on me. An overhaul on you might be necessary."

Your father thankfully punched the back of your brother's neck with a harsh scold, almost shouting at him for threatening another mafia's boss on their own home no less.

While you just stayed in your boyfriend's front, both hands on his hard and toned chest as he only arched a eyebrow monoustly at you and the man he so wished to just die right now.

Although it would be a bit messy... but Chrono could clean up later.

"Kai he is my brother!" You scolded and he only darkened his gaze, unimpressed look on his stoic face.

"So?"

It was actually rather difficult to believe that project of human was related to you. You were just so pure and kind and that trash was... trash.

He didn't get it. He could maybe fix him. But alright. No going against his angel's pleas, he knew that if he upseted them he wouldn't get his peaceful sleep at night so...

Translation

Fratello! Papà! Mi mancate entrambi tanto!- Brother! Dad! I missed you two so much!

amata figlia, ci manchi da quando hai deciso di vivere qui."- beloved daughter, we've missed you since you decided to live here. "

Windhead deve aver dimenticato di noi ... idiota." '- windhead must had forgotten about us.. idiot.

[captainsandclotpoles]

My Worst Fear (Jude Law x OFC series)

Chapter 11 - 25th January 2007

7.4K

Exactly three weeks and four days after their Hogmanay trip to the jazz club, Jude Law wakes up in a bed he doesn’t know; a room he doesn’t recognise.

It’s first made apparent to him through the massive shooting pain that travels down his neck and across his right shoulder, a pain that does indeed shock him due to the fact he’s grown so used to its absence over the past three years. It’s a pain that only comes from spending the night in someone else’s bed, with someone else’s pillows and someone else’s mattress. If he were religious, spiritual - like his mother, like Diana - he’d probably believe it had something to do with karma; the universe scolding him for his playboy ways.

Having spent so much time with Floss over the past three years, he now thinks it might be exactly that.

The familiar ringtone of You’re My Best Friend barely gets to play around the internet café for more than a second before Jude is hammering on the “accept” icon and Floss’ gloriously happy face fills the screen.

“Jude!”

“Floss! My God, look at your hair!” Jude grins, seeing that his best friend’s wild mess of curly hair is finally back to its former glory – no doubt thanks to the sea-salt.

“Oh, don’t, I know, isn’t it mental?” Diana laughs, and Jude can see the ocean in the background of the shot as she talks, confirming his earlier theory.

“In all the right ways, love. Just like you.”

“Oi! Don’t think that just cause you’re a whole country away that you can give me any of your cheek!”

Jude laughs, throwing his head back, relishing in the sea breeze of his own European coastal haven fluttering in through the open windows, “You’re right, you’re right.” He brings his wine glass to his lips, “I can’t wait to see you. Wait till you try this wine. I’m thinking I should lift a couple bottles for Christmas.”

“Ooooh.” Diana grins, “Sounds perfect.”

Jude grins straight back at her, a grin which only gets wider when he sees Floss shut her eyes for a brief second, tilting her face back and letting the sun – which is beating down through the windows of her own internet café - warm her skin. Jude notices, even through the screen, the slight tan of her skin, although it’s demanding to be noticed against the white of her shirt – a flowing, billowing number, with (yes, you’ve guessed it) pirate-inspired sleeves.

She’s spent the past 18 days – not that Jude’s been counting – travelling along the Amalfi Coast. She’d started in Rome, before heading down to Naples, then along to Sorrento, where she is now. She’ll end her travels in Positano, before travelling to Corsica, where Jude and a handful of his closest friends have spent their own 18 days away from it all.

“How’s Sorrento?” Jude asks, adopting his best Italian accent – which isn’t half bad, even if he does think so himself.

“Oh!” Diana smiles, “Hang on!” She mutters under her breath for a minute before continuing, carefully, with, “…è un bellissimo villaggio.”

Jude beams at her, “You’ve been practising!”

“Si!” Diana continues, and he watches her nose scrunch in concentration before a soft smile takes over her features, and she adds, “Mi manchi.”

Yes. Jude thinks, I miss you.

His eyes immediately get that little bit brighter, a familiar feeling which he knows equates to fondness, and love, “Mi manchi anche tu.” He replies, because what’s the use in thinking it, when he can say it?

Diana grins, but she rolls her eyes too, “Of course you’re practically fluent in Italian.”

“It’s my favourite place in the world.”

“Heaven knows why I’m coming to you, then.”

Jude rolls his eyes back, “Oh, don’t. I know. But this lot wanted an extra week, and you did say you wanted to meet them all.”

“There’s plenty of time for that. I could do with an extra week in Positano…” She grins, tongue poking out just slightly between her teeth. It’s every bit the cheeky and tempting gesture she had been trying to achieve, and Jude’s nearly booking a flight just at the sight of it.

She knows it, too.

“Floss…” Jude warns, head falling back as he gets closer and closer to relenting, especially when all she does is giggle at him through the screen.

She does shake her head, though, eventually, “I know, I know. But we need to come here together at some point. We’ll speak only Italian for the whole time we’re here – force me to learn quicker.”

“Exposure therapy.”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, let’s do it. Your birthday?”

Diana smiles so brightly Jude can feel the happiness radiating off her, “Yes, oh my gosh!”

“Can’t wait, love.” Jude smiles right back, and he truly has missed her, missed this.

It’s the longest they’ve been apart since they were reunited again, after Richard. Jude had been more than a little apprehensive when he’d taken her to the airport, watched her walking through the gates on her own, to travel on her own. She was more than capable, he knew that, but he also knew what had happened the last time he’d left her on her own, to fend for herself.

Seeing her now, though, looking this well-rested – and, Jude thinks, probably at least one dress-size up from actually eating well, all the walking and swimming, taking care of herself – he thinks this trip has done more for her than just give her a tan. He can tell from the way she’s holding herself it has given her confidence back, reminded her that she can look after herself, in all senses of the word. She can protect herself and care for herself and all she needed was this little reminder, this little chance to do it.

“I need to go,” She smiles, “I’m about to get cut off.”

“Okay, love. I’ll see you soon.”

“Oh, no, Mr. Law.” Diana smirks, “Ti vedrò presto…”

***

One week later, Diana steps off the boat and arrives in Sartene, Corsica. She trundles her suitcase up the cobbled street, on a hunt for the two villas that have been rented out by Jude and his friends for the past month. She stops a local, shows them the address Jude had texted her, and they point her up a narrow dirt track with two villas at the top of it, all brown stone and red tiles.

As she approaches the buildings, the unmistakable sound of saxophone floats down the hill to greet her, and thanks to Jude she’s able to identify it as John Coltrane’s In A Sentimental Mood.

She thinks it’s quite fitting, as she stops just before the buildings, turns and stares down the clifftops over the beautiful little French island, hearing the music and thinking how much this place, this environment, this vibe, feels so completely and utterly Jude.

She’s missed it.

She’s missed him.

She continues the walk up the hill, up the drive, and reaches the yellow-painted wooden front door. She pushes it open, walks inside, and raises her voice over the sound of the vinyl playing, “Hello?”

No response, but she can hear footsteps upstairs. There’s nothing else for it – she leaves her suitcase in the hallway, propped against an old oak chest filled with china plates, and walks up the stone staircase towards the bedrooms – where the sound of the vinyl and the footsteps are both coming from.

She knocks lightly on a door at the far-end of the hallway, which she deduces must be the master bedroom. She pushes it open after no response, and is immediately blinded by bright sunlight, shining directly in through open balcony doors, light voiles fluttering in the early morning breeze.

She’s not blinded for so long, however, that she misses the completely naked woman dancing around the room to the sound of the record.

“Oh!”

“Mon dieu!” The woman spins around suddenly at Diana’s exclamation, but makes no effort to cover herself. The initial shock wears off almost instantly, but despite her now-casual body language, the woman narrows her eyes at Diana regardless. Understandable, Diana thinks, I’d be pretty suspicious of someone barging into my bedroom, too.

“Qui es-tu?” She asks, and after a moment of silence – during which Diana had frantically scanned her brain to try and remember her high school French, and failed – the woman rolls her eyes and speaks again, this time in English, “Who are you?”

“Diana.” She replies, “Diana Frost.”

“Right.”

“I’m a friend of Jude’s.”

The woman straightens at the mention of Jude, “A friend, you say?”

“Yes.” Diana responds, tone that of someone reading the news headlines – simply relaying fact. She’s so used to people questioning her and Jude’s relationship status by now that there’s no point being any other way.

“He’s never mentioned you.” The woman responds, now folding her arms.

Diana raises an eyebrow at that statement. Jude’s never mentioned her?

“Sorry,” Diana begins, “but who are you?”

“Félicité.” The woman responds, casually reaching for a dress that Diana notices had been thrown over a chair in the room with the familiarity of someone who lives here.

Why had Jude never mentioned this woman who’d been living with them? He had told Diana of every single one of his friends, and yet - not this one.

“Right.”

“I take it from your response,” Félicité smirks, “that he has not mentioned me to you, also.”

“No.”

“Hm.” Félicité snorts, “Men. All the same.”

“No. We’re not…” Diana’s turn to straighten, as she trails off, because, “Oh. Are you two-”

“I’m not known for wandering about naked in random houses.”

“No. I don’t suppose you are.”

Félicité ties her wrap dress around herself, “I sing. At the restaurant by the water. We do jazz.”

“Ah.”

“It’s become something of a favourite of Jude’s, during his stay.”

“Yes.”

Diana takes in Félicité’s tanned skin, her long, dark hair…I’ll bet it has.

“He leaves next week, yes?”

“That was the plan.”

Félicité smiles, “I leave tomorrow. To stay with family on the mainland – he will be gone by the time I return.”

Diana fights back a snort. How romantic – star-crossed lovers on a French island, surrounded by jazz and seafood. It wouldn’t be a whirlwind romance without the painful, bittersweet separation at the end.

“Right.”

Félicité reaches back and, without looking, switches the record off.

***

“What do we think, boys?” Sam grins, as he, Jude, and the rest of their friends enter the villa, “A final visit to ‘paradis sur terre’ tonight before Félicité leaves tomorrow? I bet she’s keen to see Jude before she goes.”

Jude attempts a laugh, but it dies in his throat.

Félicité is lovely. A truly lovely, kind girl. And the past few weeks with her have been fun, relaxed, the exact type of holiday romance he’d have once given everything for.

But there’s something about it that’s not been sitting right with him, no matter how hard he’s tried to make it work, make it fit.

There’s something about it that’s making him feel a bit nauseous, and he thinks that nausea might actually be guilt.

Especially when he follows Sam into the villa and sees the deep-red suitcase in the hallway.

“Oh my God.” Jude breathes, because first he notices the suitcase, and then it’s the distinct sound of voices coming from upstairs, from the bedrooms, from his bedroom.

Two female voices.

“Oh my God.”

He barges past Sam and the rest of the boys, bounding up the stairs two, three at a time. He hears Alex mumble something, and Jude can’t make out the words from the blood pounding in his ears, but he can tell from Alex’s tone that it’s something that conveys how utterly not envious he is of Jude right now.

Jude batters into his bedroom, sees Félicité standing by the open balcony doors, his record player open but off, and the back of his best friend in the entire world, which is a little too straight, a little too tense…completely different to how he’d seen her a week ago through the computer screen.

“Félicité,” Jude utters from the doorway, still not daring to venture into the room. He feels like it would be venturing into a minefield – he’d be walking into something without having any idea what, exactly, “What are you doing here?”

“Thought I would surprise you before I leave tomorrow.” She raises an eyebrow, eyes darting from Jude, to Diana, and back again, as Jude’s eyes do the same but reversed, “I can see I’ve succeeded.”

Jude finally enters the room, but for some reason it feels more like stumbling. He walks in-between the two women, still facing one another.

Diana, eventually, turns her head to looks at him, and their eyes lock immediately. For once, Jude can’t read what’s in them, and it terrifies him.

“Hi.” She says, and Jude wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around her, kiss her cheek hello, whisk her off down the dirt track on the motorbike he’s rented and show her all that Corsica has to offer, but right now they feel about a million miles away from all that.

“Hello, you.” Jude says, and he can see her fighting back a smile at those two words, his gentle, loving tone, and Jude feels more than a little like he’s won, like for some reason he’s winning his way back into her heart.

They look at each other for a moment, and Jude visibly exhales when he sees her eyes soften.

He steps forwards, placing a hand on the small of her back, and gestures to Félicité.

“Félicité, this is Diana Frost. Diana, Félicité.”

“Yes.” Félicité smiles, but Diana notices now that it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, “We’ve met.”

***

“God, Jude, I knew you could move on quick, but it’s one thing to have a bunch of one-night stands, and another to have your girlfriend turn up just as your one-night stand is leaving.” Sam laughs, throwing his head back and resting it against the back of the wicker chair.

He and Jude are sat in the villa’s private garden, watching the sun set over the distinctively European landscape; the olive trees, the deep blue of the ocean, the red-brick villas…the smell of honey and red wine thick in the air.

Jude rolls his eyes, drumming his fingers anxiously against the arm of his chair, “Sam.” Is all he says, but it’s all he needs to say, before Sam’s tutting back at him in response.

“For God’s sake, Jude. I’m jesting.” But Sam notices the way Jude’s jaw remains tense, firmly locked as his eyes scan upwards to the fluttering of the voiles in front of Diana’s bedroom window, just slightly obstructing her from view.

Jude can just about make out her silhouette; the wild curls, the way her limbs move so gracefully around the room - as she unpacks in time to the music playing on Jude’s record player next door – and the long skirt that he’s mentally marked as a Floss trademark.

“Jude.” Sam says, when his friend hasn’t stopped looking up at the room a moment later.

Jude tears his eyes away, forces himself to look at Sam, look at the view, look anywhere but at Diana.

“What’s the matter?” Sam asks, reaching out and taking Jude’s hand, squeezing once, bringing him back down to earth.

Jude just sighs, and shakes his head.

“I don’t know.” He replies, “But whatever this feeling is, I don’t like it. Not at all.”

“I think you do know what it is.”

“Sam, no.” Jude replies, a little too quickly, a little too firmly.

Sam just tuts at him again, and gets up, deciding to leave Jude alone because he knows that’s what his friend wants more than anything right now. He starts to make his way towards the villa, then stops, and turns back to Jude as he says, “The actor doth protest too much.”

“And the musician’s a massive drama queen, now piss off.” Jude replies, but he grins, and his old friend rolls his eyes and shakes his head at him before making his way inside.

Jude settles back into his chair, and closes his eyes, letting the sounds of the music and Floss’ movements from the room above wash over him in gentle waves, and he tries to focus only on the feeling of home that associates itself with these particular sounds, and not on the feeling of panic that’s slowly rising in his chest with every passing moment.

He thinks it’s the same panic that encouraged him to introduce himself to Félicité in the first place; the panic invoked by the prospect of change, of something real, and serious, and something he’s not ready to think about or acknowledge.

But if he doesn’t acknowledge the panic, he’s left to acknowledge the guilt, which is probably connected to the panic - if not the very thing that caused it in the first place.

‘Cause what does he have to feel guilty about? He’s a single man, enjoying a holiday abroad with friends, and all that has to offer him. Nothing wrong with spending time in a beautiful woman’s company. Nothing stopping him.

But all he can see is Diana’s face, when he’d walked in and seen the two women talking to one another, and then she’d turned to look at Jude, and there had been something in her eyes he was surprised to see; something that looked a little bit like hurt, and a lot like betrayal, and Jude wishes he could stop picturing it, stop forcing himself to relive the moment, when all that comes of it is for all of these unwelcome emotions to wash over him once again…

But what’s panicking him the most is that he knows this isn’t the first time he’s pictured Floss’ face in Félicité’s presence.

***

Diana knows, logically, that she has no reason to be upset.

She’s not upset. If someone accused her of folding her white shirts a little too tightly and placing them into the old oak drawers of the dresser a little too firmly, they’d be wrong.

She tries not to think about the young man who’d approached her on her last night in Positano. The charming man, at least two years her junior, if not three, who’d made her feel beautiful, and sexy, and attractive, and worthy of such attention.

It was a foreign feeling, after Richard. She’d almost given up on the idea of ever feeling like that again, after Richard.

But feel it, she had; sat with Scott, the sun setting over Miracle Bay, the two of them sharing a bottle of wine over the best meal Diana’s ever had. They’d talked well into the night, and she’d almost invited him back to her rented accommodation, but in the end, hadn’t.

Something had stopped her. And now, thinking back on it, she thinks that something might have been guilt.

Although what she has to be guilty about, she doesn’t know. Especially when Jude’s been swanning around a French island with a local beauty on his arm, truly savouring everything France has to offer.

Not that his sex life has any impact, or is a reflection on, hers. Let alone his love life.

But after Hogmanay, after the jazz club, Diana had felt like she and Jude had become…more. More of what, she didn’t know, but whatever they were, whatever it was, after Hogmanay, they were more.

Or so she’d thought. Maybe she was wrong.

Suitcase now unpacked in the guest room Jude and his friends had left empty for her, Diana shuts – slams – the drawers of the dresser.

And then something that sounds a little like Moonlight Serenade by Glenn Miller starts playing on the record player in Jude’s room, and Diana instantly marches through and switches it off.

Following their trip to Jude’s jazz club, she’d discovered a love for all things Big Band and Swing, It was something she’d been used to growing up – a love of her mother’s – but with Jude it was something she could reclaim, enjoy now for herself, make new, better memories. She realises so much of her life has become like that, now, redefined by her relationship with Jude.

However, he was less enthused than she was at her new-found love for the genre. In his own words, “So close, yet so far…” however because it was Floss, and because he could never resist the opportunity to be the cause of her happiness, he’d bought a load of records anyway. It was somewhat of a compromise – he could have his Miles Davis and Tutu (which she almost loved to hate now, given everything the record had come to mean to the two of them – although she’d never tell Jude that) if she could have her Glenn Miller and Ray Noble.

But it’s not helping her now. There’s something about having romantic music playing, while being in the most romantic country in the world, all of these thoughts and feelings and emotions running through her mind, that all just feels a bit much. A bit overwhelming, a bit too soon, and not at all the safe, homely way she’s used to thinking and feeling around Jude.

And she doesn’t really know what to do with that.

***

“So, Diana…” Alex smirks, as they’re all sat around the table in the garden, helping themselves to the dinner that Diana and Jude had cooked for them all, “I’ve heard you’re learning Italian.”

Diana’s eyes light up, “I am! Do you-”

“Spent a bit of time there in the nineties, God, it was –”

“So did I! What year?”

Alex pauses, bread basket halfway between himself and Jude, “Ninety-nine…”

Diana’s eyes widen, “Me too.”

“Where did you-”

“Rome.” She sets down her cutlery, “There was this little square in the west of the city-”

“Not Piazza Navona?!”

“Oh my goodness!” Diana exclaims, and the two burst into life.

“I was waitering at a restaurant there!” Alex exclaims, dropping the bread basket and leaning over the table; grabbing onto her hand, “Terrazza Borromini, did you ever-”

“I was in there all the time! Stefano – the owner,” She turns to her left and clarifies for Jude, “- used to let me paint in there all the time! I did a couple of commissions for him; I’d paint him, and the restaurant, and the square, and he’d give me a free bottle of wine while I worked; it was good stuff, too.”

“Wait, you paint?” Jude asks, taking her other hand, “Since when?”

Diana’s cheeks rose almost immediately, “It’s just a hobby, I’m not very-”

“You had pink hair.” Alex interrupts, the pieces slotting into place.

She grins, “I did. I dyed it just before I left the U.K.”

“She’s lying!” He turns to Jude, “Oh my God, you liar!”

“What?” Diana laughs, as Alex almost bounces off his seat from excitement.

“Stefano paid her ‘cause she was good! Bet she still is!” He winks at Diana, who rolls her eyes at him, but she’s still grinning all the same, “He was crazy about her stuff. I used to come in and do shifts and he’d be raving about how his ‘Pink Picasso’ was at it again on the balcony upstairs, and not to disturb her unless I wanted my head to be the latest feature on the wall.”

“He was such a dramatic.”

“Says you.” Jude teases, and she just squeezes his hand in response.

“You should paint while you’re here!” Alex insists, “I’d love you to teach me, actually.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Make you a deal.” He grins, finally calming enough to sip from his glass of wine, “Teach me to paint, and I’ll teach you Italian.”

Diana grins back and reaches out with her own wine glass, “Deal.”

Their glasses clink together, and Diana continues the conversation, “I went to Rome first, when I was still in Italy, before I came here. Went to Terrazza, wanted to see if Stefano was still there…”

Jude zones out of the conversation, removing his hand and returning his attention to his food.

He doesn’t realise how tightly he’s holding his cutlery until Sam reaches out and lays his hand atop Jude’s own.

“I think you should relax, before you throw that fork at his eye.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

***

Jude wakes the following morning with the sun, or at least he thinks that’s what’s woken him – the warm rays bursting through the thin, white voiles – until he hears Diana clattering about next door.

He stumbles through to her room from his own, not bothering to knock before he enters – they’ve never done that back in the U.K., with each other’s homes, mainly because each other’s homes feel like their own homes, too, having ‘house-swapped’ so many times, on so many occasions.

He walks in just as Floss is dashing out, a whirlwind of musky perfume and wild curls. They collide with a force that shocks them both.

“Woah!” Jude exclaims, as she jumps back in surprise.

“Oh, sorry!”

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Jude laughs, “It’s the crack of dawn!”

She grins, “Alex offered to take me to the market, get some painting supplies. I wanted to catch the morning light, if I can; this early it’s a bit more golden.”

He reaches up and tucks a blonde curl behind her ear, “Bet it’s beautiful.”

“It is.” She smiles, “But I need to go, we said we’d leave now, and I don’t want to keep him waiting, I’m already a bit late.”

“You?” Jude smirks, “Never.”

She swats at him playfully and he smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

Diana notices. Hesitates. Then, “Do you want to-”

“No! No,” Jude tries to smile a bit more convincingly this time, “No. Honestly. You go.”

She narrows her eyes. She’s always been able to read him like a book, so she knows he’s lying; it doesn’t sit well with her.

“Jude-”

“Go.” He insists, kissing the top of her head and stepping back, allowing her to exit the room, “Can’t wait to see what you come up with.”

She sighs. She won’t push it – whatever’s bothering him, he’ll discuss in his own time, even if she wishes he wouldn’t lie to her until that time comes.

It invokes a sense of panic in her. There shouldn’t be anything that he feels he can’t discuss with her. They discuss everything; always have, always will.

Unless her doubts about the two of them are no longer just her doubts, in which case she completely understands his wish to sweep the confusion under the rug.

“I’ll see you later.” She insists, because whatever is going on right now, Jude is first and foremost her best friend, and her family, and they come first. Always.

“Later.” He smiles.

With that, she reaches up and hugs him goodbye, and presses a kiss to his cheek as she goes.

Jude needs a bottle of wine, his favourite jazz record, and a debrief with Sam.

He tries not to think too much about the fact that normally, all of those things would have involved Diana.

***

“I will not have you moping about like some jilted dame from the 40’s.”

“Sam!” Jude cackles, merry from the wine, and the heat, and the jazz, “I’m not moping!”

“And what is this, then? Huh?” Sam interrogates, gesturing at Jude lounging in the hammock in nothing but his silk robe, “Just ‘cause you’re doing it with a smile on your face doesn’t mean you’re not being a melodramatic pleb.”

Jude chokes on his latest sip of wine, “Have you been talking to Floss?”

“No,” Sam narrows his eyes, “why?”

Jude swats the conversation away, literally, waving his hand around.

“No, no,” Sam refuses to be swatted, stamping towards his old friend, “get up, come on.” He tries to drag Jude from the fabric, but Jude refuses, going limp. “Oh, that’s just cruel.”

“Sam, smiling is literally the opposite of moping. I’m fine. Leave me to swing.”

“It wasn’t that an hour ago when you were begging me to entertain you, like some petulant child.”

“Well, now it’s an hour later, and I’ve had half a bottle of wine, and now I feel very, very, merry. No entertainment needed.”

“I refused because I didn’t want you indulging this.”

“Indulging what?”

“You’re being a drama queen about this!”

Jude sighs, and drops a leg – halting the swinging of the hammock.

“I know.”

Sam drags over a chair, and they sit in compatible silence for a moment, Sam now satisfied he might actually get a proper conversation out of his friend.

He does.

“I don’t know what I’m feeling.” Jude admits, words flowing as freely as the wine had been, one moment earlier, “And that scares the shit out of me. She’s my best friend. No. She’s family. I can’t live without her.”

“Who says you’d have to?”

“Who says I wouldn’t?” Jude fires back, and when he turns to look at Sam the older man can see the tears threatening to spill over from Jude’s eyes, “What if…what if I do? What if I am…what if…what if I lose her, when she doesn’t, and we can’t get back what we’ve got now? Or worse. What if she does, and I fuck it up?”

“You wouldn’t. She’s different. You two are different.”

“People said the same about me and Sienna.”

“She was the first to break a mould. People were bound to get excited about her.” Sam snorts, rolling his eyes as he picks up the nearly empty bottle of wine and sips some for himself.

He’d never been a fan of Sienna, and wasn’t at all surprised when he heard Jude had cheated on her – if a little disappointed.

But all he really wanted was for his friend to have someone to love, and be loved, and the way Jude’s been talking about Diana, since they all arrived in France and Jude wouldn’t stop rambling about this woman who would be joining them all at the end of the month, he knows he’s found it.

And he doesn’t know what kind of love Jude and Diana share, because neither do they yet – and that’s simply for them to figure out in their own time, and their own way. But he wonders if it matters what ‘kind’ of love it is, and if they need to worry so hard about figuring that out, because they do love one another nonetheless. That much is real, and true, and painfully, painfully obvious. And that will never change.

Sam has only been around them both for a couple of days, and he believes in them more than he believes in anything else. More than God, or jazz, or really good wine.

He tells Jude as much. And it’s at the moment Sam stops speaking, that he sees his friend smile a wide, genuine smile, for the first time in a few days.

Jude feels like he’s seen the light, that it’s broken through the clouds of his emotional distress, and that now, finally, he can start to move forwards.

He and Floss will figure things out. In time. The problem disappears when Jude stops feeling like he needs to fix everything, do something to solve the issue. All he and Floss need to do is keep doing what they’ve been doing since they met – caring for one another, loving one another, being the family the other person so desperately needs and deserves.

All he and Floss need to do is be themselves.

The rest will take care of itself.

***

Diana has an epiphany of her own, deep in the French countryside.

She and Alex had loaded his rented car with their supplies and journeyed up the mountainside, to paint the last few moments of the sunrise.

And when Diana finishes her painting, her first in years, all golden light and broad, confident strokes, all she wants to do is get back in the car and take it to Jude. Show it to him, offer it to him, give it to him as a gift. She thinks that’s exactly what she’ll do, but maybe keep it, until Christmas. A permanent reminder of their first holiday together, and she thinks the memory of the sunshine will get them both through the cold, winter months that the U.K. so selflessly provides.

And she thinks that’s very telling; when she stops thinking, stops talking herself in and out of things, all she really wants to do is share her life with Jude. Spend it with him. Celebrating the little moments, and the big ones, experiencing life together.

That’s all she knows for certain, but she thinks it’s enough.

***

Diana and Alex make their way back to the villa just in time for lunch, the warm French sunshine calming all unease she’d been feeling prior to their painting trip. As they drive the car up the dirt track towards the two buildings, they’re greeted by the smell of a gorgeous soup and freshly baked bread, and she knows it’ll have been made by Jude – his love for baking bread a pastime Diana has become all too familiar with over the years, used to the smell floating through one of their homes whenever their together, wherever that is.

Then she sees him, dashing out into the driveway at the sound of their car approaching, and Diana’s jumping out of the car the minute it slows to a stop, and for just a second, an instant, they stop and just look at one another.

It’s an unspoken conversation, and they know they probably do need to have an actual one, at some point, but for now, the look of “are we okay?” which is met with another look, a resounding “yes”, is enough.

So she runs at him, and he wraps his arms around her, and lifts, and they spin in the front garden, laughing louder than they’ve done in far too long.

And when he eventually settles her down, which he does, reluctantly, she takes another look at him and bursts into laughter all over again.

“What?” He laughs along with her, consumed by her happiness, “Floss, what?!”

Then she points down at his shirt, his crisp, clean, white shirt, and he looks down to see it now covered in paint, the paint Diana’s covered in clearly not being dry yet.

“Sorry.” She giggles, but he shakes his head and wraps an arm around her waist, pinching her side slightly.

“You’re not sorry at all, you little minx!”

“Jude!”

Jude stops, grinning.

“Diana Frost. Are you ticklish?”

Diana’s face turns white.

“No.”

“You liar!”

“Jude…” She backs away very slowly, one arm outstretched to separate the two of them, “Don’t you dare.”

“You are!”

“Jude!”

Then he runs at her, and she’s got no choice but to run as fast as she can in the other direction.

“GET LOST!” She exclaims over her shoulder, firing down the grassy hill the other side of the villa, losing her shoes somewhere along the way.

Jude, his long legs being no match for Diana’s quick-yet-little ones, catches her quickly, and with ease, but what he’s not expecting is for those little legs to slip as he grabs onto her waist again, and the two of them tumble down the rest of the way, covering Jude’s no-longer-white shirt in grass stains as well as paint.

They eventually come to a stop and dissolve into giggles in the long grass, and as a comfortable, compatible silence falls between the two, they adjust themselves, lying side-by-side, and Jude puts an arm around Diana, and she rests her head on his shoulder.

They stay like that, sunbathing in the wonderful French sunshine and chatting about everything and nothing, for the rest of the afternoon.

Sam, who’d come out to see what all the commotion was, stands with Alex on the front porch, and the two of them watch Jude and his friend from a distance.

“Do you think they know they’re madly in love?” Alex grins, nudging Sam, who’s watching the whole thing with a mysteriously serious expression.

“I don’t know.” Sam replies, honestly, then after a moment’s thought, adds, “Perhaps. But knowing it, and being ready to do something about it, are very different things.”

“’Unto everything there is a season’…” Alex quotes back, and Sam nods.

“Mmm. Indeed. They’ll have their time, I think. I’m almost sure of it. But they’re the only ones who’ll know when that time is.”

“Think it’ll be soon?”

“God.” Sam rolls his eyes, “For all our sakes, I hope so. But for nobody’s sake more than theirs.”

***

A day later, and Jude seems to be attempting to ruin Diana’s relaxing holiday with his overly-chipper tour guide persona.

Diana loves Jude. Truly. But she does not love mornings, not even slightly, and cannot start the day without at least a half hour of silence and a strong black coffee.

But at least he brings her the coffee.

“Floss!” Jude exclaims, bursting into the room so urgently that Diana thinks someone’s died, “Rise and shine, love!”

“Jude! For crying out loud, what time is it?!”

“Morning.”

“That’s infuriatingly vague, and you know it.”

He saunters into her bedroom, and perches on the edge of the bed, handing her the coffee which she takes as if it’s her lifeline.

“It wasn’t that yesterday, when you were dashing out of here with the sunrise to paint it!”

“Yes, well, I’ve painted it now, haven’t I? Sometimes needs must, but most of the time all a woman wants is to sleep, Jude.” She sighs, sipping from the coffee before setting it down and trying to get back under the covers, which Jude is, irritatingly, sitting on – in turn preventing her from doing that very thing, “For goodness’ sake. Go away.”

“Not a chance, love. I’ve got plans for us, today.”

“Plans that require being awake at,” She reaches over and grabs at his wrist, and her eyes practically fall out of her head when she realises what time it is, “six am?! Jude, we went to sleep five hours ago!”

“Yes, and some of us feel rather refreshed after such a decent night’s kip.”

“A decent night’s kip?! Five hours is a nap!”

“Floss…” He starts, but when he’s met with her trademark stubborn glare, he smirks.

“What is that face? What are you – oh for…”

Jude has gotten off the bed and is down on his knees, hands clasped together under his chin, “Please get up? Spend the day with me? Please? I’ve got so many things I want to show you! Places to take you! And without all that lot and their rowdiness taking away from me and my very best friend’s first ever holiday together…” And then he adds another long, ridiculously drawn-out, “Pleeeeeeease?” For good measure.

Diana narrows her eyes, but he knows he’s won.

***

It’s a fact that’s proven when they’re swinging on a hammock, high up in the French countryside, approximately two hours later.

Jude had packed a picnic, and his (her) favourite vinyl’s (which he slowly realises are becoming one and the same), and they’d taken a motorbike a part of the way up the hill and walked the rest of the way, coming to a stop at Jude’s favourite look-out point, where he’d then set up the hammock, and uncorked a bottle of his new favourite wine.

They’re passing the bottle between them when Diana says, “You’re right, you know. We definitely need some of this stuff for Christmas.”

“I thought you’d like it.”

“Mmm. Love.”

They drink in that age-old compatible silence, before Diana speaks again. Because here, staring out at one of the most beautiful landscape’s Diana has ever seen, alone with Jude, and relaxed by the wine, seems like as good a time as any to start the discussion.

“You never mentioned her.”

“Who?”

Diana just looks at him, cranes her neck around to look slightly over her shoulder at him – his arm resting comfortably around her shoulders.

Then she says, “Don’t play dumb with me. Why are you being weird about this?”

“I’m not!”

She just looks at him again.

“Okay.” He relents, “I am.”

So, “Why?” she asks, again, and he sighs.

“I don’t know, Floss. I think I was worried you’d be disappointed.”

“Why would I be disappointed in you?”

“I don’t know!” He replies, taking another, more urgent, sip of wine, “Maybe…maybe ‘cause of all the stuff with Sienna? Me not being able to keep it in my pants has already caused enough drama once before, enough for a lifetime; it’s reckless of me to risk that all over again.”

Diana snorts, “Jude.”

“What?”

“I hardly think having an affair and having a holiday fling are the same thing.”

He laughs at that, some of the tension starting to ease, finally.

“No. You’re probably right.”

“Aren’t I always?”

“There she goes again with the arrogance.” He smirks, and smirks even wider when she snatches the bottle of wine from his grip.

“Pleb.” She mutters, before taking a leisurely sip – which becomes much more difficult as Jude dissolves into laughter beside her.

A moment later and they settle again, and Diana continues the conversation.

“You’re my best friend, Jude. I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t tell me anything, share any part of your life with me.”

“I know, love.” He replies, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, “I was just…over-thinking it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry – just know it’s not necessary. I want to know everything, you know that; the good and the bad, so we can go through it together.” She replies, her words reminiscent of their Hogmanay visit to the jazz club, to his sentiments that they would help each other shoulder the load of the bad times, and celebrate together in the good ones.

And then he realises she is classing this as one of those good times. That him, having a summer fling, is a good time for him. That she is supporting it, almost rooting for him in his playboy ways, if it means he’s happy. Because as her best friend, that’s all she wants for him; to be happy.

And then he realises that whatever his weird thoughts and feelings have been over the past couple of days, they’ve not been shared. And the tension between them, he’s now sure he’s imagined, fuelled by the wine and the heat. Or if it was there, then that was what caused it, along with his own, solitary, confusion.

And maybe that’s all it was on his part, too. Confusion.

He’s never been close to a woman like this, like how he is with Floss, without it turning romantic. But he loves what he has with Floss for all the reasons it isn’t; for her intelligence that always guides him, along with her wisdom, for her kindness that she’s so willing to display to him, for everything she is, everything she’s ever been to him and ever will be, and their future – all the memories they have yet to make. It’s natural to doubt what that is, and what it means, but they are who they are, and they’re family, and that will never change. It’s silly of him to overthink that, to feel like it needs to change because that’s what the world assumes of them. What does the world know? They’re them. And they’re happy, just as they are.

Why mess with perfection?

“Well, in that case,” Jude laughs, “I need to tell you about the night I met her. You’re going to love this, Floss, honestly, I made such a muppet of myself…”

And it becomes evidently clear to Diana as they speak, and as Jude begins to recall the tale of the night he and Félicité had first met; whatever she’s been doubting, and feeling, it’s not been shared. The reality hits her like a slap to the face; if Jude has been having this holiday fling, this is where his heart lies. This is what he wants from his life right now; these casual, pleasant hook-ups, no strings attached, and he sees Floss as his friend, and his family. And she could never begrudge him of that, when she feels like it’s such a privileged position to hold in the first place.

And then she blames her own doubts on where they are, and on the wine, and tells herself to get a grip.

And it’s never thought of again.

[jazzluca]

Ah si, con Caliburst Siege avrei pure completato il terzetto dei Targetmaster Decepticon, peccato che mi manchi Misfire TR, sigh e sob! ;__; #transformers #transformersg1 #transformerstoys #transformersgenerations #transformerswfc #transformerswarforcybertron #transformerssiege #transformerskingdom #kingdom #targetmasters #decepticon #distructors #titansreturn #cyclonus #triggerhappy #slugslinger #blowpipe #aimless #caliburst #hasbro #hasbrocommunity https://www.instagram.com/p/Cbj-DbtMQB3/?utm_medium=tumblr

[gianna-sop]

☆ ☎ ☃

☆ : for a drunken voicemail

“ciao, bellooo! sono molto ubriaco adesso … if you couldn’t tell,” gianna hiccuped in the middle of a giggle, her elbow planted against the bartop with her chin in her palm. how many lemon drops she had thus far - she lost count. it took a little extra effort, but still the brunette managed to dial mateo’s number. “oh -bello? you should realllly be here with me right now, i’m sooo bored. i’m never bored with you, yanno that?” the girl slurred, taking another sip of her drink. “which is .. cosi folle, bello! perche i used to realllly not like you before, but now i … well, in realta, i like it when you’re around,” she trailed, chewing on her lip as she still had the wherewithal to think about her words, “so you should … be around. me. more.” after taking another sip, gianna snapped out of it a bit, “which means! that you should come to the baaaaar! we’ll do shots! andiamo, vieni qui!”

☎: for a voicemail not meant for you

with a sigh, gianna waited for the tone before she spoke. “ciao mamma … it’s gianna. though i’m sure you knew that … so che non ho chiamato per un po, mi dispiace … mi manchi. chiamami! ti amo … addio, mamma.” despite trying to sound relatively up-beat, the frown against the brunette’s face said it all. she hadn’t even realized she hit mateo’s name by mistake instead of her mother’s when dialling.

☃: for a holiday-centric voicemail

“bello! bello! guess who’s compleanno it is! okay, you got it - it’s yours!” gianna squealed, holding the phone between her shoulder and her ear as her fingers were busying tying off the ribbon that was wrapped around the boy’s gift. “buon compleanno a te, buon compleanno a te,” she began to sing, a wide smile on her face as she finished the bow, “we’re celebrating! yup - you and me, bello, whatever you wanna do! and i got you something, and i know you’re going to love it! so hurry up and call me back, you know i won’t take ‘no’ for an answer today.” @mxteoferreirx

°☽ — VOICEMAIL MEME / ASK AWAY

[mizalsayf]

Gone -Part Five

~MASTERLIST~

Summary: Viv encounters other survivors that decide to take an opportunity.

Word Count: 2709  

A/N: *throws this chapter that I had in my drafts for three weeks at ya* Here, hope you like it, lol.  Aaand also, I put the translations for the Italian at the end of the chapter. 

Warnings: swearing, violence, gore Negan being a major asshole, angst

Tagging:  @warriorqueen1991 , @jml509, @pelctiersnegan , @ryangoslingstanktop , @wolfgirl1074 , @haleyea , @collette04 , @negansoutpost , @mayuketchupytostones , @xabeautifultragedyx , @queenredfury , @kawaiirepublic , @toxic-ink , @acataiespy , @jdms-network , @negans-network

Let me know if you want to be tagged!

(gifs originally posted by @daryldixon & @astronomielover )

Part Five:

Some people will always have to be loved from a distance. Don’t feel guilty for protecting your space and peace of mind.

-alex elle

Viv stomped through the darkening forest, the fallen leaves and twigs crunching beneath her feet. She looked around, up to the crowns of the different colored trees.

She huffed out a breath as she tried to make out where north or south was. An idea came to her mind and she tried to locate the sun. When she found it, she knew that she was heading northwards.

Walking a bit further, she was cautious to not make too much noise. Her thoughts kept going back to the Sanctuary, wondering what Simon and Negan were doing.

Then, the time Simon broke her heart came to mind.

She locked herself in her room for days. Negan had noticed and brought her three meals a day. He began to comfort her, although he never asked why she was isolating herself. She was thankful for his open ear and arms, his helpful advice and joking manners. Those were the things that built her up again and made her come out of her shell again.

After a few weeks avoiding Simon, she was able to have a normal conversation again. Though, her feelings for him never disappeared like she wanted them to.

As Negan and herself started their ‘relationship’, she kept Simon’s warning in the back of her mind. She knew Negan wouldn’t stay faithful for long and want another woman rather quick.

She was right.

Viv sighed, feeling stupid for staying with him for so long and let herself get hurt. She was always curious for the perilous and hurtful.

Through the darkened trees, she got a glimpse of an abandoned little forest house. Well, she hoped it’s abandoned.

With prudent movements, she made her way to the house and opened the door. There was one big room, with everything ruined besides a small table.

Relieved, she walked inside and placed her backpack on the table. She looked at the small fireplace and took out a lighter and some wood she collected earlier. She placed it like a tent and lit a dried leaf, throwing it in.

She began to shudder as a cold wind blew through the house and she felt like she’s watched. But when she spun around, there was nothing but emptiness. Sighing, she sat down at the fire and took out a bottle of water and canned food.

Viv started to eat, staring into the fire. The flames were dancing with grace and beauty. The warmth radiating off them made her feel calm and thoughtful.

She had no idea where she would go from here on out. She could try to survive on her own, but that would not work. Going back to the Sanctuary wasn’t a good idea as well.  

Stopping in her tracks, Viv turns her head and a familiar face greeted her. she yelped and fell back on her hands as a confused look settled on her face.

“Good evening, sorella.” She heard a familiar voice say, in a joyful tune.

Viv looked around, checking if anything, or anybody, else was in the house. But there was only Victoria.

“Vic? How? Why are you here?” Viv stuttered.

The little girl giggled in delight and cupped Viv’s face in her tiny, delicate hands.

“Mi manchi. It’s so boring, nobody wants to do anything with me. Also, you seem lonely and we haven’t talked in a year!” Vic replies, their native tongue making itself present. She squished her cheeks and kissed her forehead.

“Mi manchi anche tu. It’s been that long, huh? I’m glad you’re not suffering anymore.”

“Me too.” Vic smiled before hugging Viv. She plopped down across from her and crossed her legs. “So, tell me! How are you? What’s been going on?” She asked a little too excited.

Viv chuckled, Vic was always too curious for her own good. “Weren’t you watching my every move?”

“Si. But I want to hear it in your own words, sorella.” Vic shoots back.

“Mia vita has been a mess without you. I always talked to you about everything and now I can’t do that anymore. It’s hard.” Viv began to sniffle and rub at her eyes.

“But didn’t you have that ragazzo with the weird, creepy beard? Simon?” Viv chuckled at her description of Simon.

“Yes, but somehow it wasn’t supposed to be. I fell into a hole. The plan was to get better, but there were those demons again. At every level. The mo-” Viv stopped talking when she heard the walkie-talkie in her backpack turned on.

Her head shot back to where Victoria was sitting, but she was already gone.

Viv sighed, thinking that she had lost her mind as she grabbed the device. She turned it on so she had a better connection, already suspecting who it was.

“Doll? You there?” She heard Negan’s distressed voice call.

After a while, she pushed the button, “Yes, I am. What do you want?”

“Oh, thank fuck.” He sighed in relief, “Please come back, I need you. I can’t do this without you.” He begged.

Viv scowled as the firing anger inside her was lit once again, “You don’t need me, Negan. If you truly needed me, you wouldn’t have put your pene in Amber’s fica.”

On the other line, Negan’s breath got stuck in his throat at her use of language. She never spoke Italian in front of other people, except when she was angry.  

“You never needed me, as much as you didn’t need Lucille. You did the same to her as you did to me and most likely used the same words with her. And when we were gone or almost gone, you came crawling back, pleading that you needed us! I’m not somebody you can just use like you please!” Viv growled, her every word feeling like a cut into his heart.  

Negan’s eyes narrowed and he clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white.

“Didn’t I tell you to fucking stop talking about Lucille like you knew her?” He barked, “You know what? Your sister is probably glad she isn’t here anymore. Would be a shame if you had to see her getting’ eaten by these fuckers or her to be in that fucking cave with you!”  

Viv gasped as Negan’s voice, laced with poison and hatred, echoed through the small house. Her eyes began to cloud with tears as she gripped the walkie-talkie as tight as she could. She pressed the button, “Ti auguro il meglio, Negan.”

Those were the last words he heard from Viv before he realized what he had said at her. He tried to apologize, but no answer came back from the other line.  

—

The next morning, Viv awoke to a loud banging at the door and the windows. She scooted over to her backpack, packing all her belongings and taking out her hunting knife.

She waited for the intruders to come in but the banging stopped. Furrowing her brows, she glanced to her sides to see nobody standing by the windows.

Then, the door shot open and Viv squeaked like a mouse as a man with a beard and torn clothes entered. He didn’t have a weapon on him, at least not one that Viv could see.  

He smirked at her and whistled, confused Viv glanced around. She felt something hit her head and she fell to the floor but didn’t pass out.  

She gasped for air when another man put his foot on her chest, making her unable to move. A third man entered and tied her hands together as they lifted her up in a harsh grip.

“Who are you? What do you want?” She yelled when one of the men faced her. She stopped breathing as his smell enveloped her, trying her best to not barf.

“None of your business. We know who you are and what we want from you.” He replied, his voice filled with unspoken threats as well as a bad breath.

They escorted her out of the house into the woods as one of the guys looked through her backpack. “Hey! Get your sporche mani off my belongings, schifoso maiale!” She yelled at him, knowing she could curse at them all she wanted and they wouldn’t understand her.

“The fuck did you say, you bitch?” He charged at her but the guy with the beard held his arm in front of her, “Now, Mike. Is that a way to treat a lady?”

The guy, Mike, backed off, grumbling as he kept walking behind her and looked through her backpack.

“Boss! I found a walkie-talkie!” Mike said after a few minutes of silence.

Their boss, the man with the beard, turned around and snatched the device from his grip. He smirked as he regarded it and secured it on his belt.

—

After walking for a while, they arrived at an abandoned factory. They shoved Viv on a chair in, what looked like the boss’ office, and tied her to it by her wrists and ankles.

The boss began to pace around her like a shark getting ready to jump out the water and attack. The other two guys positioned themselves at the door, standing like bodyguards.

She glared at their boss, hoping it would intimidate him in some way. But he only chuckled when he noticed.

He grabbed the walkie-talkie looking at it and twirling it in his hand. Viv was too distracted with something else to notice that he had pressed the button.

“Tell me, what relationship do you have with good ol’ Negan and Simon?” He leaned over, so they were eye-to-eye.

She growled like a dog, wriggling her hands.

“Now, no need to act like an animal, though you’re bein’ treated as one.”

“I’m not going to tell you anything.” She said between gritted teeth.

He chuckled, motioning for Mike to come closer, “You will sing, bird.”

On the other line, Negan and Simon were contemplating whether they should say something or not. But Viv wasn’t aware of them listening, so they decided to stick to listening for now.

The boss nudged his head, “Mike, loosen her up a little, will ya?”

Mike gave a curt nod and slapped her, making her wince. She looked back at Mike, glaring at him with anger and hatred, “Huh, colpisci come una ragazzina!”

He furrowed his brows, looking like a lost child, “We’re in America, speak the language.”

Viv grinned, leaning forward, “You slap like a little girl, Mickey.”

All of a sudden, shuffling was heard coming out of the walkie-talkie and Viv’s eyes widened as she realized Negan and Simon were listening.

The boss looked Viv in her eyes as he lifted the walkie-talkie to his mouth, “Hello Negan. Nice you finally decided to join us, ain’t it? I think we might have somethin’ of great value to you. Say hello, sweetie.”

Viv wanted to puke when he called her sweetie in a devilish tone.

“Who the fuck is this? What did you do to her?” Negan asked and Viv smacked her head on the inside. What does he think they did to her?

“We didn’t do anythin’. Yet. If you want her back, meet us at the place where the Alexandrians blew up your men. Just you and Simon. In turn, I want to come back to the Sanctuary and rule the goddamn place!”

Viv knitted her brows together, confused why he said ‘come back’.

After a brief pause, Negan replied, “Ron. How can I be sure you don’t kill her in that one hour?”

Ron motioned for Mike to step back a bit as he walked in front of Viv. His eyes never left hers. “I was never one to break a promise.”

Negan and Simon glanced at each other and nodded. “we’ll be there in one hour. And Ron, I fucking swear, if you kill her I’m gonna make your death the cruelest one.”

Mike smirked, satisfied with the way he handled things. He dropped the walkie-talkie on the floor and stepped on it, crunching it beneath his boots.

He sat down at his desk, “Mike, loosen her up a little more. But don’t kill her.”  

Mike nodded with a too enthusiastic expression and began to beat her up without mercy.

—

Negan and Simon ran to one of the trucks, their fury and rage spreading like wildfire.

“I swear to fucking fuck! If they hurt her in any way, I will shut that shit down immediately!” Negan yelled, slamming his hands on the dash.

While Negan was expressing his fury and frustration, Simon boiled on the inside. He feared Ron killed her while they’re on their way to meet him. He knew and saw the things Ron was capable of.

Simon wouldn’t be able to see her lifeless body, knowing he could have prevented it.

When they arrived at their destination, they spotted Ron, Mike, Clay, and Viv standing by a car. Negan exiled the three men after he found out they were getting involved in an unhealthy business.

Now, he regretted that he didn’t introduce them to Lucille.

Viv had a bag over her head, her small body supported by Mike gripping onto her arm. Simon saw her chest rising and falling in an unusually slow pace.

They stepped out and walked towards the four with their eye glancing around the area. They didn’t need any more surprises.

“Ahhh, Negan and Simon!” Ron called, spreading his arms, “Good to see ya. Tell me how are the people at the Sanctuary doin’?”

Neither Negan nor Simon responded, staring daggers into Ron.

When Ron realized they weren’t going to respond, he smirked and motioned Mike to hand Viv over. Simon stepped forward as he looked Mike up and down. A smirk spread on his mustache covered lips, Mike wore a confused look.

Simon slipped out his knife, stabbing Mike with it. He sucked in a breath of air and began to gurgle on his own blood as it ran down his mouth. Before the giant fell to the earth, Simon gripped Viv and pulled her behind him.

Ron and Clay’s eyes widened when they saw Mike’s limp body hit the grass. They pulled out their guns pointing it at Negan and Simon.  

They were quick to react and had their guns already drawn. The four men stared at each other for a long time, before Viv whimpered behind Simon. He gripped her tighter and Ron took the opportunity, shooting at Simon.

The gun missed him by inches and Negan was quick and shot Clay in the chest. Simon fired his gun as well, but Ron hid behind his vehicle.

Simon, Negan and Viv ran back to their truck. Simon threw Viv inside and followed, firing a few more bullets. Negan kept shooting at Ron, letting all his anger, frustration and sorrow out.  

When he heard Ron scream in pain, he got in as Simon sped away.

Negan took a few deep breaths; glad Viv was with them again. He glanced at her, the bag on her head was gone and he felt his anger rise again. Her face, bruised, dirty and bloody.

He noticed her wince from time to time and saw fresh blood coming out of her mouth. His eyes widened and he looked over her body, checking for major injuries.  

“Sorry, Viv, I have to lift your shirt.” He muttered, feeling the panic rise within him. Simon glanced over to them, growing concerned.  

When he lifted the shirt, he noticed a gunshot wound on her stomach. Negan gasped, ripping his scarf off his neck and pressed it to the wound.

“Simon! Fucking drive faster, she’s shot!” He yelled.  

Simon’s focus landed back on her, denying Negan’s words. Much to his horror, there was fresh blood pouring out of her mouth.  

“Viv! Can you hear me?” Negan asked, his voice beginning to crack in despair.  

Viv wanted to answer, but instead of words, she coughed up blood. She let out a long, tired breath as her world turned black.

Negan’s distressed yells were the last thing Viv heard before everything stopped.

—

Translations:

Sorella – Sister

Mi manchi – I miss you

Mi manchi anche tu – I miss you too

Ragazzo - Man/Boy

Pene - Penis/Dick

Fica - Pussy/Cunt

Ti auguro il meglio – I wish you the best

Sporche mani – Filthy hands

Schifoso maiale – Disgusting pig

Colpisci come una ragazzina – You hit like a little girl

[poetyca]

★ cღPoeti amici ღ★

Mi manchi

Cala la notte con essa è il suo mantello nero venato di tristezza Cessa il rumore …. Il movimento è placato percependo solo il sospiro della mia anima che cerca di trovarti tra le stelle Dove sei? Perché te ne vai via da me? Solo la memoria dolce e tenera della tua anima mi tiene in vita .. avviso in questa attesa senza tempo ma pieno di amore e pazienza

©Sebastian Sanchez I miss you

Night falls And along with it It’s black cloak Tinged with sadness Ceases the noise …. Movement is stilled perceiving only The sigh of my soul Which seeks to find you Among the stars Where are you? Why do you walk away from me? Only the memory Sweet and tender of your soul Keeps me alive.. alert In this timeless waiting But full of love and patience

©Sebastian Sanchez

from WordPress https://ift.tt/3x0cRWs via IFTTT

[poetyca]

★ cღPoeti amici ღ★

Mi manchi

Cala la notte con essa è il suo mantello nero venato di tristezza Cessa il rumore …. Il movimento è placato percependo solo il sospiro della mia anima che cerca di trovarti tra le stelle Dove sei? Perché te ne vai via da me? Solo la memoria dolce e tenera della tua anima mi tiene in vita .. avviso in questa attesa senza tempo ma pieno di amore e pazienza

©Sebastian Sanchez I miss you

Night falls And along with it It’s black cloak Tinged with sadness Ceases the noise …. Movement is stilled perceiving only The sigh of my soul Which seeks to find you Among the stars Where are you? Why do you walk away from me? Only the memory Sweet and tender of your soul Keeps me alive.. alert In this timeless waiting But full of love and patience

©Sebastian Sanchez

from WordPress https://ift.tt/3guJg2v via IFTTT

[poetyca]

★ cღPoeti amici ღ★

Mi manchi

Cala la notte con essa è il suo mantello nero venato di tristezza Cessa il rumore …. Il movimento è placato percependo solo il sospiro della mia anima che cerca di trovarti tra le stelle Dove sei? Perché te ne vai via da me? Solo la memoria dolce e tenera della tua anima mi tiene in vita .. avviso in questa attesa senza tempo ma pieno di amore e pazienza

©Sebastian Sanchez I miss you

Night falls And along with it It’s black cloak Tinged with sadness Ceases the noise …. Movement is stilled perceiving only The sigh of my soul Which seeks to find you Among the stars Where are you? Why do you walk away from me? Only the memory Sweet and tender of your soul Keeps me alive.. alert In this timeless waiting But full of love and patience

©Sebastian Sanchez

from WordPress https://ift.tt/3pssyCB via IFTTT

[poetyca]

★ cღPoeti amici ღ★

Mi manchi

Cala la notte con essa è il suo mantello nero venato di tristezza Cessa il rumore …. Il movimento è placato percependo solo il sospiro della mia anima che cerca di trovarti tra le stelle Dove sei? Perché te ne vai via da me? Solo la memoria dolce e tenera della tua anima mi tiene in vita .. avviso in questa attesa senza tempo ma pieno di amore e pazienza

©Sebastian Sanchez I miss you

Night falls And along with it It’s black cloak Tinged with sadness Ceases the noise …. Movement is stilled perceiving only The sigh of my soul Which seeks to find you Among the stars Where are you? Why do you walk away from me? Only the memory Sweet and tender of your soul Keeps me alive.. alert In this timeless waiting But full of love and patience

©Sebastian Sanchez

from WordPress https://ift.tt/3e3vEqT via IFTTT