#mf any duo of friends can act like a couple if you are not a coward lmao

[skyyytower]

Zootopia 2 is confirmed to be in production and I saw a person on Twitter begging for Judy and Nick to not be a couple in the movie and oh my fucking god, there was such a big amount of people who ship them getting SO defensive of them not becoming a canon couple, I am going crazy

[kkat-astrophic]

Danganronpa V3 Chapter 3 Notes: (Daily/Deadly Life)

I've decided to put all my chp.3 notes on one document to keep them together for you guys to easily find! Here it is!

OMGGG THE STUDENT COUNCIL IS SO CUTE! (DRV3) Tsumugi, Tenko, Himiko, Angie, KEEBO!!! My respect for keebo has gone up, he's such a cutie!!!

TSUMUGI IS SO CUTE IN THAT PIC AHH I LOVE HER SMSMSMSMSMSM!!!

It's so sweet that Himiko is actually getting up and helping out! And it's cool Angie is teaching everybody about Atua... even though it's kinda creepy and fishy, it's nice that they're willing to learn.

Uh... Kaito? What's wrong bb, why are you so oddly quiet.... why do you have your hand up to your mouth like that?!

Bro I spent my first FTE with angie and gave her the red beret which she said she loved, but no further interactions were unlocked, and I didn't gain any friendship fragments? Anyway I did a couple more and...

Rare-Pair unlocked ahh moment

Bro are you kidding me I just spent time with Tenko and gave her something she liked and didn't get a fragment :( it's okay, I have another chapter with Angie, Tenko, Tsumugi, Himiko and all the people I want to spend free time with! (I hope...)

Training Trio... duo? Kaito flaked out? Erm what.

"Overthinking things and worrying about what I "need" to do... when I'm with Kaito, I feel like... all of that stuff just fades away." <- Oh, Shuichi I know what you are...

Wait... Kiyotaka Ishimaru is a god???

Tsumugi: "I've been wondering... does Atua have red eyes and hair as black as night?" <- KIYOTAKA??? HUH? HUH?

Angie: "Atua has whatever features you desire." <- Tsumugi and Taka good friends, canon event??? Pre-despair canon no clickbait?!

Tsumugi: "A red-eyed, black haired god.. Ah, what a cool God I have watching me!" <- heh fruity god "When can I meet him!? I want to meet him as soon as possible!" <- Oh... Uh about that...

(After Angie breaks the flashback light):

Angie you're acting too much like a protagonist here... the last person who tried to maintain peace in a Killing Game was Byakuya in SDR2...

Okay but Angies plan for a sacrifice is actually good, if you get somebody like Ryoma who didn't want to live, killing them in the time limit would be easy. She should've kept her plan among the Student Council, though. Because, now everybody knows her plan.

NVM She's reviving Rat-Ho Amami

Rate-Ho getting development caught in 4K? Will he come back and now what his talent is? EXCITING OMGGG!

Wait if Tenko's Atua is handsome like she says, does that make Atua a guy? <- Who Tenko likes?! Augh Tenko pls don't die, it's double murder time I reckon'-

Worrying about the next Victim with Nerd-Cat!:

ERM KAITO WHY ARE YOU ACTING ALL SUS ON ME MAN? DON'T GO DYING PLEASE POOKIE I LOVE YOUUU

Despair Disease coming back? Kaito bb is this what it is? KAITO DON'T HOLD IT IN, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME DUDE, PLEASE?! YOU WEREN'T AT TRAINING BB, DON'T GO OFF KILLING PEOPLE, DON'T DIE YOU HEAR ME DUDE?!

Fte with Kaito and Tsumugi:

KAITO LET ME HANG OUT WITH KAITO GAME, DON'T DO AN ISHIMARU ON ME BITCH LET ME HANG OUT WITH MOMOTA BEFORE HE GETS HIS ASS WHOOPED LET ME HANG OUT WITH KAITO RESS=adspoujwes I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH KAITO MO-

smoogie >:3

Are you fucking kidding me... I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE STUDENT COUNCIL LET ME HANG OUT WITH TSUMUGI TENKO AND ANGIE AUGHHHHH WHO DO I HANG OUT WITH NOW?!

Plan B: (FTEs)

@sleepy-pile-of-ashe told me to hang out with Kokichi this one time, so I'll do that for them :3

(*pulls a hammock out of my ass*) Here Kokichi!

And then I spent time with Maki, because I don't love her, but I want to love her, yk?

She's pretty chill, I feel bad for her. It must be a hard upbringing, but she's alr. :) I like her now after her first FTE.

Afterwards: "O-oh... hey bro perfect timing." Oh. Oh no. MFs who say "bro" don't come back from the KG the same. Oh no Kaito.

Training with Maki:

TENKO BB OMG HIII! ILYSM TENKO UR NOT BRAINWASHED HIIII OMG QWIAUOSDFHFJ

Angie is such a cutie though omg <3

OH MY GOD SHE MADE WAX STATUES OF THE DEAD STUDENTS WHAT THE FUCK THAT SCARED ME SO BAD???

I don't like Himiko x Tenko tho, because Himiko doesn't CARE about Tenko?? Tenko x Angie solos.

"Get mad! Get upset! Yell at me! Just fight back already! Do something!" Oh Tenko... (ishimondo flashbacks* "You are wrong! You have to be wrong! Mondo would never hurt a fly, he'd never murder anyone!" "Bro... bro what's wrong...?")

After trying to get Angie to stop the Seance with Tenko and Maki:

MAKI ROLL?! OMG THATS SO CUTE AHEFWUYAFHBSJWDNKHUEFDB

Oh! Kaito's just scared! Okay we good. (There's an underlying problem here guys, this isn't good but I'll take his fear of ghost stories into accountability.)

"Fear... why am I nervous...?" <- Every danganronpa protagonist before finding a body.

PLEASE NOT ANGIE PLEASE NOT ANGIE PLEASE NOT ANGIE PLEASE BE SOMEBODY ELSE, ANYBODY ELSE, PLEASE NOT ANGIE PLEASE NOT ANGIE

...

Body discovery #1:

ANGIE NO

Investigating/Seance:

I kinda forgot to document the investigation, but the seance is happening.

"Keep your chin up and live life facing forward! Survive with me and everyone else" ... Oh dear. Tenko. Please don't.

"Alright, Himiko! I'll see you later!

Kokichi: "I-I know... it wouldn't be funny if a body discovery announement happened during this."

Tenko: "Please don't jinx us!"

---

Tenko: "Understood. I will not say a word until the seance is over!"

Tenko: "Okay, everyone! I'll see you guys after the seance!"

HELL NO SHE DID A RANDY!!! (Scream)

Tenko rn: :,)

(BTW I turned off the bgm for the caged child seance stuff because it'd be a better atmosphere overall.)

---

THAT'S CREEPY BRO WHAT THE HELL?!

WHAT WAS THE *THUNK!* NOISE?!?!?!?

Kiyo: "Is the caged child... Angie Yonaga?"

What's...going on...?

Himiko: "What's wrong, why won't Angie answer?"

---

There's blood under the cage... there's blood.... oh no... oh no. OH NO. TENKO?

:(

---

KOKICHI WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING SCARED ME HOWD YOU GET ALL TJAT BLOOD ON YOU LIL BRO WHAT

---

Okay this is getting long, I'll reblog with the trial notes while I'm doing it. It's gonna be quiet without Angie and tenko but we will live. I'll avenge them :3

[nc7dr3am]

IF LILY DATED...

HI this is a long post. the idea for this was inspired by my favorite @delicatejisung who also has an nct dream oc that you MUST follow. also i know the edit sucks. also also i write very light nsfw stuff in this. like mentions but no smut cuz i don’t do that. HOWEVER there are no nsfw mentions w jisung. ik teens do whatever and lily is only a year older than him but 1.) i will not do that because he is still a minor and 2.) they just aren’t like that together. they don’t need it

THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL NONE OF IT IS OFFICIALLY CANON. lmk which ones sound cute cuz even tho it’s not gonna happen .. lilno and chenlil might have stolen my heart

mark:

you can bet they’d be so completely in love with each other

very sweet, very romantic

“baby” “babe”

in front of the camera they’re normal, the same amount of affection as usual, oftentimes less

lily, when mark is talking or being unintentionally attractive: *bites bottom lip, looks up a little, seems like she’s trying not to smile*

he does his rap in mfal to her randomly and it’s cringey and funny but he does it to make her smile because he knows it’s her fav title track

when she sings he smiles so wide because in his opinion. there is no sound more beautiful than her voice

they talk to each other so well. like. they can sit for HOURS just talking and it never gets old to them

writes genuine love letters to her but will cringe and hate himself if he gives them to her until she gets teary and smiles

her basically giving him book reports about the books she reads and he literally falls more in love with her when she’s screaming about the novels because she is so PASSIONATE

her falling asleep in the practice rooms or studio late at night because she INSISTS on staying with him

and when he kisses her he likes to tilt her chin up with his hand of holds both sides of her face

hyuck taking credit for the whole relationship

she has a collage of polaroids of them, of him (including some of the ones from qtah) that are separate from her other photos of friends (she has a lot)

mark has a few polaroids of her that he keeps by his bed and he always smiles when he sees them

HE 10000% WRITES SONGS FOR HER AND SHOWS HER BUT HES REALLY NONCHALANT ABOUT IT

she never calls him oppa (even a bit before they start dating tbh)

when she has to do sexy performances or just acts sexy you will 100% find mark at his most awkward

they will have fun doing ANYTHING they’ll be happy through anything if they’re together

they could go through five watermelons in a day

konglish all the time. and getting excited/thinking something is funny and jumping and screaming

“can i have your netflix password, lils?” “mark you’re literally richer than me and still use all of my accounts”

her getting embarrassed by him and giggling

she will continue her campaign to get mark to play spiderman

lazy days making music, him watching her cook, binge watching american reality shows she likes, and literally just days where theyfe in bed and make out and talk and make out

shopping trips all the time

they love to do activities together. like, they’ll go places and try new things

she’s desperate to visit his home and his family

and they have their ideal life planned. like. if they weren’t idols they’d get an apartment together. they wanna have some pets together. they have trips they’d like to go on together

they grew up together, they’ve loved each other for years, they’ve been pillars of support

but as much as they’ve loved each other they grew to be IN love with each other

but teased by every unit especially 127. wbk.

they’re more.. private than the others. they’re alone together a lot and don’t overdo it in front of the others

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

ummm so like. vanilla for the most part even tho lily is a bit more ✨wild✨

oh um. ass grabs. when they’re alone but. constantly

when they get comfy with each other (read: when mark finds confidence and is comfy) he will always have his hands on her ass

even just resting there

mirror selfies with his hand on her ass

if he can’t touch her ass, it’s always a hand on her thigh

very affection when alone together, moderate when they’re with others

he likes to lay on her stomach and she loves when he lays on her shirtless

so many days where they just lay in bed together, tangled in lily’s blankets, music playing in the background, lazy makeout sessions... need i go on? CUTE SHIT

mark isn’t great at expressing his emotions publicly, and they hold so much of their relationship just between them. they both always know how much they love each other

renjun:

so they’re SOFT

song covers together

she tries to learn mandarin but. she ends up getting frustrated that she can’t get it and renjun kisses it better

he tells her the wrong words in mandarin a lot and it has fucked her over a lot, especially in lives

“oppa, how do you say ‘i bought that shirt for renjun?’”

*in mandarin* “i am in love with renjun”

they’d be a bit more obvious about their feelings, a bit more touchy

when they confess, they’re together right away, no questions asked. they literally need each other

sleepovers every night and they’re generally really cozy

lily reading, renjun drawing, a movie playing on her laptop that they aren’t paying too much attention to

renjun has specific articles of clothing he puts aside in his closet because he KNOWS she’s gonna take those specific ones

he is very into giving her flowers and little gifts

shes asked him to give her mf art lessons LMAO

ended with them covering each other in paint and making a MESS

they’re silly together, they’re the couple who knows how to cook but starts playing with the ingredients and makes a mess

they leave sticky notes for each other everywhere

lily jumping into his arms

constant pecks on the lips. the dreamies are sick of it. so sick of it.

deep talks late at night

lily being funny and having a box of his stuff in her room even though they live in the same place

nomin threatening renjun

but then lily fourth wheeling with them all

somehow they become even more of a savage duo

when they make eye contact while performing they’ll make faces at each other

he turns the koala joke into her pet name

so he calls her koala and she calls him a pain in her ass

SOFT KISSES he always cups one side of her face

he braids her hair a lot or does cute little styles

lots of cafe dates

will KILL any of the others if they wake her up when she’s sleeping

the type of romance that’s sappy but also they can most definitely roast each other

she likes to wrestle him LMAOO

the way they’re basically chenji’s babysitters is SO FUNNY it started to happen a lot right after they got together

they want to adopt a puppy and name him moomin

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

okay so it’s kinda.. more hesitant and sometimes she takes the lead more than he does

their make out sessions are more heated but don’t always lead to something

like the way it’s going youd THINK it’d be something, but then they just decide to watch a movie and go to bed

he really likes her neck and collarbones but can’t do much to her neck because yknow they’re idols

there’s almost no insecurity in their relationship

it’s very relaxed and loving, and everyone around them can see and feel the love

jeno:

a bit unexpected

a ✨whirlwind romance✨

lilno? more like lilmino because jaemin is always there

a part of her was genuinely sad that she broke up nomin and everyone looks at her like she’s crazy

torn between her love for him and letting him go if jaemin confessed

they can be a bit more obvious in front of fans than the others, because for some reason there isn’t much suspicion there

in front of czennies he lowkey flexes and picks her up over his shoulder a lot, has his arm around her a lot, and they wink at each other from across the set

he holds her waist a lot, and he’s super protective

but also the !! softness !!

have literally been walked in on several times of them just peppering each other with kisses and laughing and its literally lowkey a movie romance

working out together

practicing dances together

the type of guy to literally ignore everything she’s saying because her beauty distracted him

she hits him on the arm for that

passionate kisses

there have been too many times where the others walk in the kitchen and lily is sitting on the kitchen counter with her arms around jeno’s neck as they’re just making out

they’re the couple that’s yelled at by the dreamies the most because sometimes they need to chill out

LMAO THEYRE LIKE THE HORMONAL HIGH SCHOOL COUPLE

and like they love each other deeply and fully, it’s not high school in that regard

but they giggle too much and are kinda all over each other sometimes

they use pet names just a BIT too much

the older guys are a bit more protective of her with him than they would be with any of her other options

cuz while they’re softies

they escalate their relationship super quick

and it’s RIGHT for them

but the hyungs are protective

jeno surprisingly isn’t that jealous because if he could actually get lily

he knows neither of them are going anywhere

him constantly telling her how beautiful she is

her encouraging him and telling him he’s so talented and more than he thinks he is

when they ride the tandem bikes (i think that’s what they’re called? the bikes with two people?) it’s just jeno pedaling

OH and when they make eye contact during stages it only enhances their stage presence because they both wanna look sexy for their boo

jeno is rooting for lily solo because he knows she deserves it

super sweet and wholesome and they make each other smile so WIDE

she pops his zits for him LMAO

cuddles for DAYS and jeno’s fav thing is when she falls asleep in his arms

touches his muscles all the time

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

they make out so much OMG

a bit wilder than she would be with others

she loves to run her hand down his abs

when she does that or touches his biceps it lowkey turns him on

jeno is a bit more reserved than the others at times, but with lily he feels utterly HIMSELF

he doesn’t feel like the jeno who is just a hot rapper. he feels more than that with her

they bring the light out in each other

hyuck:

another unexpected pair but a lot more expected than jeno/lily would be

they’re both literal sunshine and they would be such a beautiful couple

lily aka the only human alive to fluster hyuck

and even THAT doesn’t happen very often

hyuck’s lap = lily’s seat

SO touchy and affectionate but not in the way lily/jeno would be

it’s like constant hand holding, hugging, sitting on each other, leaning on each other, stars in there mf EYES

while they still tease each other and mess around

i have a very specific image in mind of them waking up together, hyuck leaning over her, the biggest smiles on their faces, and then kissing each other

and lily’s just like “hi” with the cutest smile, and then he says it back with the same smile

it might surprise you but hyuck POSSESSIVE

will gatekeep her and not let anyone hug her

always calls her his girlfriend in front of the members

he stands behind her with an arm around the middle of her torso a lot and she’s just absentmindedly playing with his fingers

only a tiny, lil bit obvious in front of czennies because they’re both so affectionate?? and before they dated lily would call him the love of her life?? and keep her face close to his?? this is NORMAL for them

but one of the biggest clues is hyuck being physically unable to not stare at her lips sometimes

they read each other’s tarot nearly every day HAHAH

very romantic as well

she sings him “you are my sunshine” all the time, just stroking his face and staring at him with all of the love in the world

like i said, they still tease the fuck outta each other and roast each other and are at each other’s throats but then they can flip INSTANTLY

he kisses her knuckles and traces her face

he games and she’s falling asleep on his lap

127 squad doesn’t like when they’re being forward because haechannie is the maknae

she loves life cuz more hyuck = more taeil

he will move mountains to make her laugh or see her smile

he’s begging sm for a sexy dance break with the two of them

she’s obsessed with how gorgeous his skin is

the type of boyfriend that notices the tiny little things

he’ll do things/get things for her just because he thought of her or remembered something she said

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

another one that’s a bit wilder

theyre not shy LMAO

steamy intense makeouts like

how is he so good? lily is very satisfied

overall they’re such a fun beautiful HAPPY couple

theyre both so loving and wonderful and there is not one single doubt in anyone’s mind that they love each other fully

jaemin:

literally impossible in any universe

chenle:

lily and chenle have always been two sides of the same coin and he had been waiting for so long

the SMILES

the most beautiful happy smiles at each other ALWAYS because how did they get so lucky?

they were each other’s first proper kiss (canonically, as well)

it’s perfect because they’re best friends and always have been

nothing much changes except the affection and little things because they’re both still best friends

jisung being on all of their dates

he always buys her expensive shit and she hates it so much

she puts on lipstick JUST to kiss his cheek

jisung has walked in on them vibing, on them making out, and yeah he’s sick of it and so happy he only saw them kissing

always sleeping in the same room (usually at his place 👀) but theyre a huge mess when they sleep at night and someone ends up hitting the other because chenle moves too much for her liking

they’re still competitive and of course they still have their alliance

because dating or not, they would fight to the death on that rooftop

chenle literally will kiss every inch of her face because he likes hearing her giggles and he can’t believe he finally got his lily

CUDDLING ALL THE TIME and they’ve fallen asleep on the couch in the dorms and when they’re sleeping HARD the others like to see how many things they can balance on their heads

he will HYPE HER UP ALWAYS

but then say summ like “her face is weird tho” after and unless they’re in front of fans he ends up kissing her after she hits him

when she has to be sexy on stage, he is HERE FOR IT even if the stage is with another person because!! YES his girlfriend is hot, he’s LUCKY

she loves going to his house!! mostly because his family but also

they get to have privacy and be a couple

they’ll hold hands on camera cuz they don’t give a single fuck

they’re definitely outed and have to go public

which just makes their competitive streak and constant roasts WORSE

she loves the sound of his laugh but will yell at him if it hurts her ears

threatens to get one of his predebut photos tattooed on her

a big part of them loving each other is annoying each other and being soft behind the scenes

always together

SLIGHT nsfw below. no smut but. and then some fluff near the end <3

the more intimate aspects of the relationship were really weird at first

but they’re very compatible so it was just fun to them

he WILL honk her boob. has done it in front of the others by accident and jaemin forbid her to see him for a few days

they kinda taught each other how to kiss way before they dated so it was funny when they did it as a couple

peak friends-to-lovers and even czennies can’t help but love then

jisung:

god their shyness is kinda annoying

really confident in private- they talk a lot, they’re very good at just chilling

but lily has to be the one to hold his hand because he’ll get nervous even when he’s so comfy in the relationship

i mean not that the dreamies have time to be in a relationship, but jisung was so SCARED to kiss her and have his first kiss

she thought it was funny

clumsy duo and they tease tf outta each other for it

chenle always being around

they can’t tell who the members are more protective over in the relationship

hugs!!! she loves to backhug him and he thinks it’s cute cuz she’s so tiny

they watch harry potter too much

she has almost convinced him to ride a rollercoaster but ended up failing

he makes fun of her height a lot and then she’ll trip him or something

he’s kinda protective and gets insecure that he’s younger than her sometimes but she just kisses his cheek and tells him to stop worrying

tbh they’re the most innocent, wholesome couple

they wanna go out on dates and they do but catch another member tagging along to babysit them

she gets wine drunk next to him and he can’t drink so he just has this drunk woman on his hands and doesn’t know what to do but honestly she just wants him to cuddle her to sleep

his voice is her favorite sound and she wants him to sing more

whenever anyone says something weird about jisung they both hold up the handcuffs cuz

they’re super weird they can be so confident and then one of them gets flustered and will be a shy baby

trading lines in concerts

lily making cute faces at him, staring at him blankly, winking at him, acting cute to him in front of fans

they share one braincell together and probably accidentally outed themselves by using pet names and like. holding hands on live

and then the OH SHIT face happens

they’ve given the older members heart attacks because he’ll give her a piggyback ride, they’ll hug really tight, or WORSE... they’ll give each other a lil kiss

they’re more innocent by nature but they love kissing and he loves holding her face because her skin is pretty and soft

he wears her perfume on his wrist so he can smell her and smile

the type of boyfriend who is CLUELESS about girl stuff

he wants her to try a different hair color. like a weird one

she refuses

taeyong actually loves them together so much

them dating and being IN LOVE and jisung still gives her cash for her birthday

the “i love you’s” are so. cute. and full. of. LOVE

she is merciless when theyre playing something against each other. she’ll TRY to get him out

usually lily is clingier but when she’s standing and jisung is sitting with his arms around her waist and his head squished to her side it’s so cute

he gets randomly really clingy at times and won’t let go of her

emotional bub will get teary because he loves her so much

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 24/10/2020 (Digga D, Justin Bieber, benny blanco)

Internet Money’s “Lemonade” featuring Don Toliver, NAV and Gunna finally hit #1 on the UK Singles Chart, and that’s today’s #1. Anyone else find it funny that NAV has a #1 hit in, well, any country? Anyway, welcome to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

A lot of our new arrivals from yesterday are gone entirely, including “Parlez-Vous Anglais” by Headie One featuring Aitch, mostly because only the three highest-performing songs from an artist can be in the chart at one time, so “Only You Freestyle” with Drake returned at #44. As well as that, other notable drop-outs from the UK Top 75 are “Mr. Right Now” by 21 Savage and Metro Boomin featuring Drake, “5AM” by M Huncho and Nafe Smallz exiting pretty prematurely, “Over Now” by Calvin Harris and the Weeknd, “Wishing Well” by the late Juice WRLD lasting longer than I expected, and “Heaven on My Mind” by Becky Hill and Segala. The biggest fall for the week is “Laugh Now Cry Later” by Drake and Lil Durk getting hit with the streaming cut down from #18 and #42 and the biggest is for last week’s debut “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra up from #53 to #39. The only other returning entry we have is that garbage “Papi Chulo” song by Octavian and Skepta back for seemingly no reason. That doesn’t mean we don’t have 11 new arrivals, though, so let’s get started.

NEW ARRIVALS

#69 – “Train Wreck” – James Arthur

Produced by Adam Argyle

X Factor winner and insecure homophone who somehow pissed Frankie Boyle off on Twitter in 2012 James Arthur is back with his latest single since his first comeback album which was surprisingly successful, even stateside, mostly because of soppy, unlistenable ballad “Say You Won’t Let Go”. So, what’s to be expected out of this frog-voiced adult contemporary lad today? Well, apparently this is actually not his latest single choice for that lead off of the fourth album and rather just a deep cut from his 2016 album Back from the Edge. It’s the sixth track on the album, it’s four years old and never had a single push so I can only assume... TikTok? I don’t know, I think everyone’s feeling like this year’s been a bit of a train wreck so is the song good? I don’t know, I think his belting is impressive but pretty aggravating with only the soft piano backing and it does sound like he’s straining himself a bit here. The pouring out of his emotions during the dark place he was in between 2013 and 2016 is pretty effective and admittedly I feel kind of bad for the guy but, man, you can tell this is the first song he wrote for the album as it feels pretty underwritten, with a lot of reliance on that chorus, which is powerful but not nearly enough as he wants it to be. He explores a religious angle in the first verse that goes absolutely nowhere. Looking at the comments on the Genius page and ignoring the ones saying “This is epic” or “Anyone here from Harry Potter TikToks?”, I can tell it’s helping people and if this really is impactful to his audience then all fairness to him, it does its job. I’m just not a fan.

#68 – “Heat Waves” – Glass Animals

Produced by Dave Bayley

I swear “trainwreck” and “heatwave” are usually one word. Huh. Glass Animals are an indie-pop project fronted by Dave Bayley and I’ve never felt the need to look into them, and whilst I always assumed they were big – especially this recent third album which did big numbers to mixed reception – I didn’t think they were “chart in the top 100” big, especially not too months after the album release when another single is clearly being pushed. It has got a couple remixes though, particularly a Diplo one, so I guess this is a good time to first check Bayley and co out. Maybe my definition of “psychedelic pop” is different to Pitchfork’s (who didn’t even like this album) but I didn’t expect pitch-shifted vocals put against trap instrumentals and 808s that drown out all of the musicality that goes into the watery synths and guitar picking under the pretty rough vocals here, saved by some cool melodic ideas and multi-tracking that sounds pretty good in the verses. That chorus is lazy and quickly loses its lustre though, and it is not nearly climactic enough for that point in the bridge where its cuts out and returns to work or have any impact at all. The lyrics are pretty fluffy and non-descript, apart from the refrain of “Road shimmer wigglin’ the vision”... okay, I understand why you pitch-shifted that one. Yeah, this is pretty garbage, as are these remixes, although admittedly I kind of enjoy Diplo’s future bass rendition. You can’t do much to make a badly-written song sound interesting as an EDM remixer. I listened to that “Space Ghost Coast to Coast” song out of curiosity and... just because your “ayys” sound more like “ehs” doesn’t mean your trap-rap is suddenly art pop. Also:

“Space Ghost Coast To Coast” combines bits and pieces of millennial childhood nostalgia with musings on school shootings.

Joy. Next.

#67 – “PMW” – M Huncho and Nafe Smallz

Produced by Quincy Tellem

The drill MF DOOM (in aesthetic, not ability) and some nasal-voiced idiot who is not selling himself well with that stage name make a collaborative album produced by Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em. Here’s their ode to Profit Margins and Wages. Okay, it’s just them trading bars over an actually pretty damn good trap beat, with a killer choral vocal sample and some skittering hi-hats with a high enough pace that it makes Nafe Smallz seem mildly engaged. M Huncho sounds fine here, but the chorus here is pretty rough for both of them, and it just sounds really awkward. I do like Nafe’s second verse here, the flows he uses are pretty catchy and he sounds alive for once. What do you expect me to say about this though? They don’t rap anything interesting, the trap beat is good but not particularly interesting and the performances are mildly entertaining at best. It’s not nearly as amusing as the last single I liked from Huncho, “Pee Pee”. I’m not surprised this didn’t debut very high, and I guess it’ll drop off next week like nothing ever happened.

#65 – “One More Time” – Not3s featuring AJ Tracey

Produced by Eyes Adoasi and Remedee

Well, this duo have worked together a bunch of times before, and are undeniably preferable to M Huncho and Nafe Smallz, even if I’m not necessarily a big fan of either artist. This seems to be a lead-off single for Not3s’ third record as well as an interpolation of Britney Spears’ “...Baby One More Time” with a pretty cute pitch-shifted female vocal acting as the main melody for the track... and, yeah, this is what I expect from AJ Tracey. There’s an obvious UK garage flavour to the track – it does feel like a modernised throwback – and AJ’s spitting pretty competently, even if his flow is pretty basic and at times janky. Not3s is even more janky in the pre-chorus but the harmonising on the chorus and flow on the second verse is pretty damn impressive and dare I say charming. If he wants to go into this smooth R&B-rap direction on this type of UK garage beat I approve fully and I would be excited for that upcoming album. It kind of reminds me of Jeremih, to be completely honest, and I’m not sure exactly where I get that comparison but he sounds great. The beat does feel like it stagnates, especially during AJ’s verse actually – it might be the weak link stopping this from becoming great – but it doesn’t overstay its welcome and the 8-bit sound effects during AJ’s verse do stop this from being boring, though I still prefer a fair few of AJ’s other singles, like “Kiss and Tell” with Skepta which the song immediately reminded me of. It could have actually done with no guest verse but I know Not3s needs that promo so I’m not complaining about this. I hope to see it in the top 40 soon.

#62 – “Perkosex” – D-Block Europe

Produced by Gwiz and Roki

“Perkosex”. Wow, and I thought these guys couldn’t get dumber. We have a third DBE album cut this week and I’m already impressed by the awful pun in the title and the fact that this is literally taken from a YouTube producer’s (FREE) Calboy/Polo G type beat. Classy. This is a more downbeat song for the duo, with two verses, kind of. In fact, there’s no chorus, just one verse from Dirtbike LB who actually starts off the song with some spoken word and pathetic “Ski” ad-libs – leave that to Young Adz, who fragments his verse with a pointless and awkward bridge, as if his verse didn’t fill up that quota anyway. We have an acoustic guitar, pitched-up vocal sample that comes in to waste time every so often, and actually cuts Adz’s verse in two. Both LB and Adz croon and mumble, barely staying on the beat, with Adz mumbling so much on his first part of the verse that I initially thought this was just an outro to a song that lasted one and a half minutes, but, no, there’s an extra minute to go and Adz adz nothing to the track that needed that second half of the verse. Neither of the rappers are any funny here, but at least LB compares his friends to terrorists and says he’s got shots in his mouth like a peppermint... I mean, he sounds more mentally stable than he usually does on these songs, I guess. The second half of that Adz verse starts off with either him barely staying on-topic or just a complete plot twist.

You signed up for a drug dealer, not a drug user

And the next line:

And one of my toxic traits is that I love too much

Again, classy. This is crap even by their standards and just straight boring. It won’t go anywhere, but knowing my luck it might be the Christmas #1. Next.

#60 – “Someone to You” – BANNERS

Produced by KOZ

More “indie pop” debuting on the charts, although this one is directly off of the success of Love, Victor, a Hulu original series based on the film Love, SImon that used it in its soundtrack and hence it’s here on the chart. This song has been on three of this guy’s EPs and is actually all the way back from 2017 so, yeah, we have some old cuts here. I have absolutely nothing to say about the song though. Sure, I appreciate the vocal harmonies in the post-chorus and the organic drumming but the vaguely folkish guitar sounds pretty trite, as do the hand-claps and the incredibly generic mish-mash of love song clichés in all of the lyrics here. I’m reminded of a lighter Biffy Clyro that happens to be from Liverpool instead of Scotland and, you know, have no grit or interesting songwriting to back the enthusiastic vocal delivery and repetitive, exhausting chorus. I’m not into this at all, it just reeks of a lack of effort or unique character to it. And I’m safe to assume that about this next song...

#59 – “You’re Mines Still” – Yung Bleu

Produced by Nate Rhoads

This song got big because of Drake on the remix and thank God for that because this Juice WRLD rip-off could never stand on his two feet anyway. The fake attempt at a half-hearted British accent drenched in Auto-Tune is an immediate turn-off – the dude’s from Alabama and sounds like he’s vaguely imitating an Afroswing singer – but so is this incredibly low-effort trap beat with barely anything other than a Sting sample from the exact song “Lucid Dreams” sampled, and it’s not like this is an uncommon flip, coincidence or even a sample that hasn’t been used in a bunch of rap tracks before. Watch out, Yung Bleu, or else Sting will try and sue your ass on BS counts of “plagiarism” until you tragically die young or get a Drake stimulus package big enough for you to pay off royalties and fines for copyright infringement. In fact, I’m convinced that’s the only reason Drake hopped onto the remix so he and his massive bank account can settle the incoming lawsuit and pay the legal fees for this guy, because he doesn’t contribute anything worthwhile to this trash either. Jesus, this is bad.

#58 – “Happiness” – Little Mix

Produced by TMS

We don’t have that album yet, but we have another low-charting promotional single, I guess, now that the last one dropped off from the chart entirely... last week. Little Mix are now noticing that maybe they really cannot perform that well without Syco so I guess they’re just throwing as many bricks as D-Block Europe claim to be selling and hoping one of them fits into the wall. I don’t mind the song for all it’s worth, to be honest, I mean it’s more of a fast-paced dance-pop song about love I can appreciate with some pretty great vocal performances from the girls here, especially who I think are Leigh-Anne and Jade. The chorus hits pretty hard and the fusion of 808s and trap skitters on the verses with a killer UK garage-inspired drum loop on the chorus... yeah, I can actually endorse this, albeit with some hesitation, especially since the bridge is literally just like 10 seconds of vocal riffing, which makes the song feel somewhat underwritten even if that final chorus, especially the lead-up to it, is pretty amazing and genuinely surprised me on my first listen. This is good, and honestly a lot better than I expected from Little Mix, so check it out if you’re interested, although sadly I doubt this’ll stick.  

#29 – “Hold” – Chunkz and Yung Filly

Produced by Ransom Beatz

I can say the same about this, now that we’re in the top 40 here (first for both artists), mostly because Chunkz is pretty much a YouTube comedian and looking at these lyrics, there are now jokes. There is some ugly Auto-Tuned crooning over a pretty flat Afroswing beat and Chunkz’s delivery is similarly flat and it’s obvious he’s a comedian. You can just tell when rappers are also comedians and this guy definitely makes that obvious in his half-hearted “upbeat” delivery that sounds like a satire, but the problem is again that there are NO JOKES. Is the “airplane mode” line a joke? The use of the word “investments”? The egregious Spanish in the second verse? This weak-sauce instrumental? If any of these are jokes or an attempt at comedy, please let me stand corrected because I don’t know if Chunkz was chuckling to himself writing but none of this is funny or even entertaining. It’s pretty telling that the Genius page gave up on trying to distinguish the two rappers as well. Next.

#19 – “Lonely” – Justin Bieber and benny blanco

Produced by benny blanco and FINNEAS

Why is benny blanco credited as a lead artist while FINNEAS isn’t? Huh. Well, Justin’s back and leaving whatever the hell Changes was earlier this year right behind him, focusing on more introspective and personal tracks like... “Holy”, I guess. Well, for what it’s worth, this is better than “Holy” by quite a bit. It’s a pretty minimal ballad with some nice work on the keys from benny and egregious profanity from Bieber in the chorus. I do like the content though, and how he delves into Bieber’s regrets in his past, especially in the second verse although I feel like he misses the point here or at least doesn’t go in-depth enough for me to fully comprehend his view on the situation. They criticised things you did as an idiot kid because they were insensitive, immoral and at some times illegal, not because you were a child. Sure, the media and the press can be antagonistic, especially to easy targets – hell, it’s worse here than in the US or Canada – but it’s not entirely clear in the short verse here that he’s not just deflecting blame onto the “haters”. I do like how he talks about the downs that come with having so much wealth and fame at a young age and no idea on what to do with it other than reckless leisure activities and raking in the fandom’s love whilst he continues to drink-drive and lose his pet monkey, which he shouldn’t have had in the first place. He also talks about how the paparazzi and Internet comment trolls viewed his pictures of him with Lyme disease and immediately assumed he was doing drugs, which can be similarly said for Chadwick Boseman, who died earlier this year due to complications related to colon cancer at age 43. Yeah, this one digs pretty deep but I still feel like it could have used a third verse, especially since while Bieber claims to cite his wife Hailey Baldwin as his “saviour” this is his third or fourth time painting himself as the “comeback” of Bieber but now a more mature man, and none of those attempts have really succeeded so this seems kind of desperate on his behalf. Sigh, the song’s fine and honestly I appreciate it for what it tries to do but it falls short here and lacks the real dagger in the heart moment personally revealing songs about fame like this should have, although I’d admit it gets close. Now for our final entry, which has considerably less to talk about...

#18 – “Chingy (It’s Whatever)” – Digga D

Produced by ItchyDaProducer

Chingy? As in “Right Thurr”, “Holidae Inn” Chingy? Huh. From one look at the chorus, it just seems to be another threat but hey, Digga D’s back. I’m not sure if anyone wanted him back but here he is. He released an album last year. This wasn’t on it. I can’t actually remember this guy at all; I assumed this was DigDat so I expected some quality – I mean, no drill lyric can beat “white like Peter, brown like Cleveland” – but no, it’s Digga D, who made a song with Russ Splash last year that got in the top 40. I remember reviewing it, I remember not thinking much of it at the time. I don’t think much of this one either although I do have to admit I really like that eerie vocal sample, even if it is completely drowned out by the drill beat and the inconsistently-censored sliding on the beat from Digga D. He uses a pretty standard drill flow here though, and the verses are little more than oddly specific gunplay and flexing. He does actually interpolate “Right Thurr” by Chingy in this pretty good and catchy chorus – which I imagine is the only reason this is in the top 20 – as well as in the second verse, where he interpolates his other biggest song which already interpolated a Vine. Sure, I guess.

Conclusion

Not as good of a week as the last, although there’s still a LOT of British hip hop here, mostly sectioned between some indie-pop clunkers. In fact, I’m going to give Glass Animals the Dishonourable Mention for “Heat Waves” while Worst of the Week goes to “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu and Drake on the remix for just being a horrible song all around. Best of the Week surprises me but it’s going to Little Mix for “Happiness” because, well, at least it has some damn energy to it unlike the rest of these songs. I guess the Honourable Mention can go to “One More Time” by Not3s and AJ Tracey but even that would be stretching it. Let’s hope for some good stuff next time, maybe some of that new Gorillaz album... pretty please? Here’s the top 10 for this week:

Big gains for “What You Know Bout Love” there, which is interesting. Follow me on @cactusinthebank for Tory scum baiting and I’ll see you next week.

[ecotone99]

[MF]The Further Adventures of Aydan & Weebs - 14. Trains PT 2

“Weebs, I have to say it. You have an impeccable sense of how to make an entrance.” Aydan kicked his head in the direction of the fire tender “Can’t leave him.”

“Sure, sure.” Weebs started kicking ashes out the side of the train, and as he did so he gave a “Ok, you guys, we gotta get up out on the top of this thing.”

Aydan, seemed confused by his friends words until he saw them. Here, there. Everywhere, the deepest shadows at the very edges of the train car, the oldest shadows, the ones behind crates and barrels; the shadows began to give birth to forms. Three of them. Looking this way and that, shifting his stance, but holding his fists; Aydan tried to take stock. “Who are all these people?”

Weebs had moved over to the door and was helping the fire tender up the ladder there. The guy was old and frail but had the inner strength that someone only gets from living some hard scrabble years; in short, he looked delicate but moved with the stealth and passion of a seasoned criminal. “Just some people I was hiding with back there.“

“Well,” Aydan moved to aid his friend “I know there’s more to that story.”

Weebs gave that smirk of his, a shit-eating grin delivered by a person for whom the mechanics of smiling were understood but not their philosophy,then bounced his eyebrows in that 'you know it' way he has.

*

The wind upside was terrible; one of the unknown shades, that had hidden during the fracas, tumbled right off.

“This night takes a terrible toll” said the tender of the fire can staring at the place where Anonymous had just been, he had the can crooked under his arm. There was yet the rise and fall of a glow within the can, its' tender was lit from beneath when he spoke and his words became ghost story.

Their eyes caught for a second, Weebs and Aydan and there was a brief concern that some might see that one, that possible, death as their fault. Weebs mimed a small shrug, Aydan sloughed it off with a head shake then disappeared down over the edge at the fore of the burning car where a ladder beckoned their retreat.

“Ok, you bums, follow my pal there.” Weebs said to Fire Can and the other two anonymous types.

“Um, we’re not bums” said a woman’s voice.

Weebs, surprised, but appropriately chastised, apologized and guided the pair along.

“You didn’t have to stay and help us,” the same voice added as she went down at the ladder, and their eyes locked.

Weebs, considered, then “Sure we did.” He said this, because it was true.

As the man in the Ernest hat left the last rung of the flaming car, Aydan detached the blazing car and the small party watched the orange anemone wriggle and crawl into the autumn night. It was beautiful in its’ way.

Aydan and Weebs gave it a good ten, then they moved one more car up the train and detached the train with Fire Can and the other two; it was just safer for everyone that way and would afford those guys a good long while to get gone before any of the heat showed up.

“Have no fear,” Fire Can spoke to Aydan, just before the detaching, “as long as I have the can, all is not lost.”

“Makes sense,” was all Aydan could think of to say to that, but he didn't really think that.

Aydan and Weebs stood there and watched the second detached train car recede into the night, Weebs waved. “Kind of peaceful.”

Aydan didn’t speak, there was no need. It had been a crazy last who knew how long, and a little dollop of quiet, just not speaking, was just what the doctor ordered right then.

Klickety klack, klickety klack

Klickety klack, klickety klack

“So Weebs,” Aydan, not looking at a friend was losing a battle against the smile taking seed, “what brings you to this train tonight?”

Weebs bent an eye to his friend, folding down his collar, that same smile from Aydans’ face had found root there too, “Been a crazy fucking day, bro” and he kind of broke into a chuckle at the days’ shenanigans, shaking his head and looking down.

Aydan looked quizzically at his old pal, it had been awhile but it hadn’t either, not then. “So, where you coming from then?”

Weebs, leaning an elbow then, removing his cap, buttoning the flap up, looked up at his friend expectantly and thumbed the direction the train was coming from.

Catching the cue, “Yeah? And where you headed to?” Aydan perfectly asked his friend.

Weebs, giving a couple of wags of his index, pointed in the direction the train was headed, finished snapping the flap on his hat into the ‘up’ position, and replaced his cap.

Gazing out behind the train, “When this train stops, Weebs, I gotta say, I think it might be rough.”

“You mentioned a friend?” Weebs probed.

“My Buddy Kev.” Aydan answered and a tone had entered his voice.

Weebs, catching the tone beneath an arched brow, “You think your buddy Kev is ahead of this train?”

“I do.”

“Well, guess I got a buddy to help out then too.” The moment was too saccharine for either to look at the other just then, but the moment was shared.

“Studded brass knuckles, Weebs?” Aydan asked after a time.

“Right? Crazy illegal, you wouldn’t believe how long it took to get those. You can borrow ‘em.”

It was nice, then, and the autumn night swam about them and wrapped the duo in a seasonal coziness.

“Just smell the pumpkins, Aydan.” Weebs said, wistfully.

“I don’t think pumpkins smell,” his compatriot parried.

“They do, that autumn smell,” he took a draught “People can describe it however they like, it’s the pumpkins.” He said this and his friend smelled that it was true.

Luck was on the side of the pair that night, as they soon discovered, upon exploring the car that they’d sought refuge in was full of linens, just packed to the gills. Aydan found it ridiculous, but wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth; Weebs, on the other hand, was grateful for the bounty karma had given him for helping those people back there. Then Weebs thought of the hobo that had fallen off the train, and worried that karma still held a balance against him for that one; he didn’t let Aydan in on his worries. Despite the first segment of the ride, the next length was peaceable and the two were able to take a decent respite. Even the

Kickety-klack, klickety-klack

had taken on a rhythmic quality, and the train rocked more like a cradle after a fashion; it was good sleep.

*

Absent kickety-klack, klickety-klack

Weebs woke with a start, the train had come to a halt, he sat bolt upright and began to glisten with a cold sweat. “Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think,” he began whispering to himself in his head, trying to arrest his own internal thoughts before they got away, willing himself through the early moments of another morning. The chill in the air set him shivering, not being a terribly heavy person cold was something of a nemesis for him; nothing a belt from his BeLIEve flask couldn’t fix. The first sip burned in his tummy like liquid gold, the second was good too. Bracing, he winced slash backfired his engine into full consciousness; he gave another solid and slow ten count, three deep breathes, then “Aydan, wake up. We’re here man.”

Aydan sat up with, “Christ, whaddya think? Should we hide, or just wait?”

Weebs, still wrenching himself somewhat from the grip of those dreams he’d narrowly gotten away from this time, sat there and just figured. “Might as well wait, I guess. I don’t suppose any of those guys, if they lived, could’ve gotten here first.” He gave his friend a ‘I don’t know’ look “I mean, I reason it that we have a solid chance of no one knowing a damn thing about why we’re here.”

Aydan took this in, digested it and gave some scrutiny to it. With a satisfied click of his tongue, he tugged the brim of his hat back into place. Ready.

“We’re just hobo’s man, just be cool.” Weebs shrugged and smiled. “Want some booze?” offering the flask.

“You drink in the mornings now?” Aydan asked, and, not that there was judgment there, but the ‘surprise’ inflection seemed to indicate that the man in the fedora was shocked; that shock seemed a little judgey.

Weebs knew he’d over played. “Um, it’s part of train-hopping. This is how hobo’s stay warm, think about it.”

“It might be better if we stay clear, Weebs.”

His eyes narrowed, and Weebs took a slow drought while locking eye contact with Aydan. “You think your style of living got you on this train faster than me or something?”

“Wut?” Aydan answered.

“Nothing.” Then Weebs growled, like an anima but more reserved and to himself. Then “Ok,FUUUUCK”the man sort of whisper yelled at himself, and then he slapped himself once on each cheek and shook his head back and forth so fast that his cheeks made that masturbatory noise. Then he opened his eyes very wide and held it, then he held them closed.

“What the fuck am I even watching right now?” Aydan asked.

Weebs, wheeled on his friend “Holy fuck…” there was more coming there, a lot more, mad as he was at Aydan just then, but the latch on the side of the train car gave a bang that echoed all through the interior with a volume that crushed all other sound besides. Thinking quick, Weebs splashed some booze all over his old buddy.

“Aw, fucksakes.” Aydan hissed. “Jesus!”

“You’re a hobo, play the part, game time.” Weebs then added “It’s time to play checkers not chess.”

“It’s the other way around,” Aydan offered.

“Ooh, I’m pretty sure I got it right. These are train people we’re dealing with.” He said this, because he was sure he was right.

The side of the train opened, washing both Aydan and Weebs in the sickly light of dawn, sticking up amidst the linens looking as guilty and besotted as a couple of dirty little mice caught in the act.

An exposing silence fell.

The pair looked at the man standing there, silhouetted, and he, in turn, looked back at them. Three people, trapped, as it were, in the awful clumsy that one finds in situations that can only be described as unprecedented. No one present had ever been in a situation like this one, or anything similar in any way that would allow reasonable comparison to draw off of; as such the silence stretched into a good minute, minute and a half of silence. That doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but just watch a clock for ninety seconds and really swallow how long a time that is, especially if you’re not having any fun at all while you wait for those seconds to pass; neither Aydan, nor Weebs, nor the man in the open doorway was having any fun.

Then the door slammed.

“Well, we’re fucked.” Weebs pronounced. “Fuck. I just couldn’t think of anything to say, and a big part of my brain was kind of hoping that that dude would just assume that I didn’t speak English.”

Aydan narrowed his eyes “Why would he assume that?”

“I thought that’s what you were doing too.” Weebs set to counting the bullets left in his gun. “Man, why’d I have to go shoot that guy like that?”

“You want a piece of gum?” Aydan offered, he wasn't sure what to say about anything else just then.

“Well, I don’t normally, but…” Weebs offered a palm, his mouth was tasting full shit it just so happened.

The two men sat in the mostly dark then, just chewing their gum. They had a good deal to talk about, but, with who know’s what coming any minute now, this just didn’t feel like the right time.

“This is good gum, thanks for that.”

“Hey, no problem.”

The side of the train car slid open again, and this time, silohuetted in the light were a good deal more than one person.

Weebs sunk lower into the linens, vanishing.

Aydan held court.

“Who is there?” came a voice, a woman’s voice, an older woman’s face.

Aydan looked towards his friend, saw no sign; non-plussed he choked on an answer to the woman’s voice. He swallowed his gum, to get it out of the way.

“Please? Hello?” the woman again, “Look, I know this is awkward. My man saw you in there, so if we could just cut passed so much silliness.” The silouhettes at the door parted, and a fresh shadow appeared, that of a stooped frame creeping along in a wheel chair. “Who is in there sneaking about in my linens and things?”

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