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lizardho · 5 months ago

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I think the worst day I had as a missionary is hard to pin down – for comedy bad day stories, I like to talk about my cute companion who ripped three pairs of pants in one day because his ass was so fat. Literally, two in the morning, we missed 3 appointments in the afternoon because people kept cancelling on us, and we ended up far away from home visiting “Less Actives” in the downtown area. We find a family who says we can come in once their dad get home, and we sit down to wait for the dad to get in and RIIIPPP goes the third pair of slacks this man wore that day. I hand him my suit jacket and he wraps it around his waist like a bashful adolescent who just started his period at an inconvenient time. We catch a ride home on a bus and ended up home an hour early. He cried for like 30 minutes while stitching up his pants, and I got to rest a lot more than expected that day. We ordered a 4-cheese pizza and went to bed early that night, having walked probably 5-6 miles that day knocking doors and getting turned away.

Another bad day was the day the Mexico City Temple was re-opening. It was a funny experience for me because the evening before I was contacted by the Mission President and told that an elder in our district had confessed some serious sins to him and that those sins precluded him from going to the temple. The MP told me that nobody in this elder’s ward could get time off to babysit him so he was begging one of us – I didn’t want to go to the temple, it was a crappy way to spend a P-Day in my opinion, so I told the MP I’d do it. I spent the day eating popsicles and napping with an elder who, in between Bolis and naps, would shakily and tearfully confess that no fewer than half of his companions had secret phones they used to watch porn, hire prostitutes, and buy drugs. This was bewildering to me since I had been Trying So Hard my whole mission and had always felt inadequate, and these elders who were doing better than me and more respected than me were somehow out here fucking, doing drugs, and jorkin’ it.

I was actually in a “Punishment Area” at the time because in my last area one of my life-threateningly attractive companions had gone into the homes of widows to repair their electrical wirings (he was a trained electrician prior to going on a mission.) Being alone in the home of an 80-year-old widow with failing lights was “against the rules” to the extent that me mandaron a la goma, and some handful of guys I’d been told to view as role models were out here breaking actual laws and shit. Of course, I knew in my heart of hearts that I was in this area because of the Deep Evil that Lay Within My Heart (wanting to kiss Elder Electrician on his stupid himbo lips) but my MP could not have known that, just like he didn’t know that the guys he was making Zone Leaders were getting their dicks sucked and snorting cocaine. That honestly felt outrageous to me.

I feel like the stereotypical “worst day” of a mission is the last day – they take you to the airport in a big van, all melancholy and nostalgic. We sang on our drive to the airport – elders and sisters tearfully sang or hummed hymns together. I was deadpan the whole time, it was such a relief to be going home. For me the worst part of the day was the relief – the release of pressure. The pressure to perform, to be “on,” to be at your best, is omnipresent for elders. I was the only person flying to Phoenix, so for the first time in two years I felt a release from that pressure. Nobody was scrutinizing me, I no longer felt that every thought, action, and feeling was being evaluated and judged as a sign of my true character. It was hard to realize, a the pressure let up, that I had been holding all that weight for two years without knowing when it had started. I remember getting confused in Customs and needing someone who spoke Spanish to talk to me because I kept forgetting words in English. I remember getting home and my family waiting for me and feeling like it was all finally done, finally over, I could finally breath. It didn’t feel bad, but it did feel heavy. And it definitely was not the worst day of my mission.

The actual worst day of my mission, though, was about 5 months in. At the 6-month mark I was expected to make a long trip down to an area of town near La Basilica de Guadalupe to submit my visa paperwork, and the mission office had sent me an extra $500 MX to use for transportation costs. When I withdrew the money they had sent for the month, I noticed it was higher than expected. My companion, a senior companion and district leader, had the cell phone. He was talking to another elder while he waited for me to withdraw my monthly deposit. I approached and asked if I could use the cell phone to call the mission office, as I had questions. He said “no,” and ignored me. I waited until the conversation ended and asked again, and again, angrily, he said, “No.” I said “Elder, relax, I just need to call the mission office to see why they sent me more this month than usual.” His face turned red as he realized other elders were watching the exchange occur. He handed me the phone, I called and was told the money was for transportation costs, and laughingly returned the phone to my companion. He took it, told the other elders he needed to tie his shoe but they could head on over to the District Meeting, and waited until they were out of eyesight. Once that was done, he grabbed me hard by the wrist, dragged me into a hidden corner out of earshot from others, and said, “If you ever disrespect me or my authority again I swear to God I will kill you.”

I was actually shocked. This guy had spent the last month and a half being SUPER nice to me, so I thought he was kidding and I was just confused. I laughed and said “Haha, yeah, your authority over the cell phone is sacred,” and tried to walk away but he didn’t let go of my wrist. He pulled me back and said “I will literally slit your throat if you ever talk to me like that again. As senior companion my authority over YOU is sacred, and I will not let God be mocked by you.”

I realized that he was serious. Like, actually threatening-my-life serious. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it in the way he squeezed tighter on my wrist. In actuality, the idea seems laughable now. The guy was absolutely chickenshit. He cried if his shits were too hard, he couldn’t end a human life, but I still didn’t let myself fall asleep first for the rest of our time together. And I still hid the two knives we had in a different area while he was showering the next morning.

If I’m being honest though, even that wasn’t the worst day of my mission. That was bad, and each subsequent time he told me he was going to cut my throat for minor infractions against his God-Given Authority Over Me (like not wearing a belt for morning scripture study, or not taking the path he thought was best to get to a lesson) was a bad day. Every P-Day where he read my emails over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t telling my parents about how he was treating me, every day he told me that the ward members would never believe me over him, every day he put me down in front of other elders and they laughed in agreement, every day he was in a bad mood and took it out on me was a bad day. But the worst day was the day I told the mission president about it. I told him about the threats to my life, his temper, his physical abuse, hiss manipulation and rule-breaking, and the mission president told me “The time to tell me this was 6 months ago. The time to forgive him and focus on your own failings is now.”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as confused or betrayed as I did then. Like, man oh man, that was a rough thing to hear, but as the day went on I kept feeling more and more confused and scared – had I misinterpreted everything? Had I miscommunicated something in telling the story? Had I not been objective enough in recounting the threats against my life? Was it true that a senior companion actually had the authority to hurt me if I went against his authority? Was I wrong the whole time? I had no idea, to be honest, but it was bewildering.

Knowing now what I wish I had known then, I would have done things differently. But in the moment, on a mission, knowing that my biggest reason for going on a mission was the hope that the Spirit of God, which hymns told me burns like fire, would burn the faggot out of my heart. I think I felt like I deserved it. Like somehow that elder knew the evil I was hiding and felt compelled by God’s power to hurt me. I think that’s what made it so hard to defend myself in the moment – I did not have that problem with other elders. The companion who told me we were gonna wrestle to settle an argument lost three consecutive matches and pouted about it for like a week. The elder who threatened to punch me for making a joke at his expense got knocked on his ass just for raising his fist. But this elder got into my head first, and that made it hard to fight against it. Instead of fighting against it, I just silently lived with actual, verifiable, diagnosed, by-the-book, DSM-5-TR Posttraumatic Stress Disorder because I thought I deserved it. It took consistent supervision of my clinical work revealing countertransference with Male LDS clients (I consistently discussed addressing shame in a client’s presentation where no shame or discomfort had been reported), an awkward conversation with @inbabylontheywept after an even more awkward dinner with a cousin who vaguely reminds me of that companion, and a bad acid trip where I had visceral flashbacks to my mission, before I was able to realize that I was living with a pain that was as abnormal as it was unnecessary.

Even once I realized it, even once I got help, it was hard. I remember telling jokes about what happened to my therapist and seeing her jaw just…drop. She said she didn’t know it had been that dangerous for me. The session ended and he sent me the PCL-5 (a good, evidence-based, highly face-valid measure for PTSD) and some other measure for dissociative symptoms and I was like “Girl, I just took this class, I know what you’re trying to measure and this ain’t it.” I reported my symptoms accurately and was fully prepped to confront her the next session. She showed me my scores and the norms used, and I was like “Oh fuck, this looks really bad on paper,” and she was like “Yeah, I can’t imagine living like this” and I just sobbed for most of that session. We ended up doing 9 months of TF-CBT and ACT (largely because I am a terrible and uncooperative patient, realistically I think I could have been done in like 5-6 months if I wasn’t so stubborn) before I was discharged from treatment successfully.

The thing that was so weird about starting therapy for PTSD was that it made things feel worse for a while. I started taking edibles a lot more. I started behaving differently around family members and Mormons. I started being outright hostile to elders I could see. It took about 3 months before I could see the missionaries and not have an actual fight-or-flight response to their presence. I think the way I had made it a far as I did without getting treatment was by repressing the thoughts, feelings, and memories that made it all hurt, and a soon as I let them just be there it was like all the confusing aching hurt came back. The first few months of therapy were just spent expanding the amount of time I could feel that hurt before turning to other means (like dissociation, cannabis, repression, etc.) so I could actually address the experiences without crashing the rest of the day. It was hard. I know I ended several sessions sweating a LOT from the exertion it took to just let the feelings happen. By 6 months, however, I could go into a church building without blacking out from panic. By 9 months I could sit in the same room as elders without sweating and shaking like a chihuahua on Adderall. 3 months after therapy and me and my supervisors noticed that my work with Mormon men had improved substantially. 6 months after therapy and I was able to begin writing anonymous stories online. Now, about two years after completing therapy, I feel like I can talk about it without needing the cloak of anonymity, and that is empowering.

Again, I am not sure why I’m typing these stories out – they’re not fun to write, I don’t love that my family can find these posts, but I guess I just like to remind myself and others that it can always get better. That mind numbing platitude, the old thought-terminating cliché that “it gets better, just power through it” doesn’t give enough credit to how much it hurts to get through it, but it does get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The triggers can go away with time, great effort, significant expense, and a lot of discomfort. The world can feel safe again, the hurt can feel bearable, that nagging worry that I might have deserved this, or that I did something wrong, can eventually go away too. It’s not easy to do it, and I have an incredible respect for the patients of mine who can pull it off, but it is undeniably as doable a it is difficult. If this story resonates with anyone, if it feels close-to-home, if these experiences feel shared, just know that the relief I talked about can feel shared too. Know that it’s worth it to get the help, that you deserve the help, that you deserve to live a life that doesn’t hurt you, that you deserve to be a full person and not a living prison for the pain and memories. Know that healing yourself does not involve extending forgiveness to Them, whoever They are. That the pain you felt will not be made less important by making the pain less potent. Know that taking care of yourself now is, in a way, taking care of yourself then. And Please, with a capital P, take care of yourselves.

Thank you to my family, especially my immediate family (special shout outs to @flowerologists and @inbabylontheywept) for the support and patience with me as I dealt with this.

Thank you to my therapist, Jordin Borques, who I recommend highly to anyone seeking trauma therapy in Arizona.

Thank you to my wife, @cintailed, for being the push that got me into therapy, and for taking care of me at my worst and still being here with me.

Thanks to my mission president for being such a colossal disappointment to Christianity that my departure from the church was inevitable.

And a general thanks to the queers for being so cute and making life worth living, even on bad days.

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kiss-inthekitchen · 1 year ago

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same sky | spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x reader

a late night phone call with Spencer. unruly amounts of fluff. no gender identifiers in this one. apologies to residents of las vegas, i did insult your city's aesthetics. i had to do it. for the plot

word count: 2k

notes: this is a rework of a very old fic i used to have up on ao3 by the same name. it's the second in a series of fics i've updated from my vault of oldies :) this one's for the girlies who liked the banter in no vacancy <3 oops! all banter

“I miss you,” you say into your cell phone, standing on the back porch and gazing out at the sky. It’s late, but you can’t sleep. Spencer has been gone on a case for the better part of a week, and you don’t sleep as well without him.

“I miss you, too. But I’ll be home soon,” Spencer replies, keeping his voice low.

“Is everyone else asleep?”

“Yeah. It’s been a long day.”

“Where are you right now?” Even though you aren’t in danger of waking anyone up, you find yourself mirroring Spencer's tone.

“Best guess, somewhere over New Mexico.” They’ve been in the air about an hour, and given their trajectory, he’s pretty sure he’s right. Spencer is seated at the edge of the couch, his back against the arm of it and a blanket thrown over his legs, barely covering his mismatching-socked feet.

“How come you’re still up?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” he says. Somehow, he can feel you smiling across the line. It makes him smile, too. He doesn’t ask why you’re awake when it’s even later where you are; he knows already. "What are you doing?”

“Looking up at the stars.”

“You know, you won’t be able to see me up here.”

“Ha ha.”

“Here, I’ll open the shade on the plane window. At least we can share the same view.”

“Hm. Almost like we’re together,” you hum.

His heart aches. It’s only been a few days and he still can’t stand it. “Almost.”

For a minute, neither of you speak, looking out at the sky from two different time zones.

“When I wake up tomorrow morning, you’ll be here, right?”

“Mmhm. Maybe even before that,” he responds, a low, soothing hum in your ear.

“Should I stay up until you get here?” you already know what he'll say, but you kinda like the idea of it anyway.

“No, no, it’s at least another four hours. Don’t worry about it. When you wake up, I’ll be there.”

“Sounds good. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

You’d intended to let him go after just a quick call once you realized that the rest of the team were resting not too far from him, but you don’t want to hang up. He doesn’t make any moves to do so either, wanting to hear your voice as much as you want to hear his. “So, how was Tucson?”

“Oh, you know. Hot. Desert-y. Lots of murder.”

“Less murder now.”

“Yeah.”

His voice sounds strained. He doesn’t like indulging in a sense of accomplishment after closing a case, doesn’t ever feel like he’s done enough. He shows up too late and does too little, and then he gets to leave while the families of the victims have to pick up the pieces. You understand why he doesn’t like to think about the work that way, but you’ve tried to remind him that the good he does is incalculable; how many lives saved, how many tragedies avoided. It’s all you can do.

You pivot a little, not wanting him to get too caught up. “I remember, when I first moved to Virginia, I was so shocked at how green everything was. I swore I’d never seen that much green in my life.”

“I had a similar experience,” he says, fondly, aware of your tactics.

“Oh, I can only imagine. I’ve been to Vegas. It’s icky.”

“Icky?” he asks, laughing at your word choice.

“I mean, no offense, but… it’s kinda ugly.”

“Wow, okay, insult my hometown, why don’t you.”

You laugh. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re right.”

“I know,” you sigh. “Always am.”

“Well, statistically, you actually have a seventy-two percent chance of being right, which is still impressive, but hardly a flawless track record.”

“Spencer Reid coming in hot with the stats. I love when you talk numbers to me.”

“I don’t think we’d have gotten very far if you didn’t.”

“But I think I should be right more often than that.”

“Are you asking me to fudge the numbers?” he asks with put-upon shock.

“I’m just saying, maybe you’ve got it wrong.”

“Oh, so you dare to challenge the accuracy of my eidetic memory? Or is it the statistics that you think I’ve calculated incorrectly?”

“This is affecting my score, isn’t it?”

“I’ll have to factor it in. You understand.”

You giggle, and Spencer starts to feel some warmth come back into him after too many days of stress, doubt, and destruction. He hadn’t been able to talk to you nearly as much as he wanted. And it was hard to talk to you on certain cases, to allow you to make him feel lighter when reality was so dark. When he felt so much weight on his shoulders, when he should be focusing on the profile and apprehending the unsub and… sometimes he just didn’t feel like he deserved to have that weight lifted by you, even for a little while.

“Spence?”

“Will you go inside?” he asks, his tone full of something like reverence for you. “Please?”

“If you insist,” you sigh, already opening the door.

“I do. I do insist, very forcefully.”

“I’m already inside with the door locked.”

“Man, I’m good.”

“Mmhm.”

“Going to bed?”

“Yeah. Will you talk to me for a few more minutes?” you ask, sliding under the covers. Spencer hears the slip of fabric as you pull them up over your shoulders, and it sharpens the ache he feels to be home with you already.

“I’ll talk to you for the rest of the night, if you want me to.”

“No, I don’t wanna keep you awake, too.”

“I probably won’t get much sleep regardless.”

“I don’t condone that,” you say, your frown evident in your voice.

“Noted,” he replies, though he sounds apologetic.

Four hours feels an eternity too long to wait. You miss Spencer, and you hate how tired he sounds. You want to fix things for him. You want to run your fingers through his hair til he falls asleep and you want to make sure his dreams are peaceful when he does.

“What do you wanna do when you’re back?” you ask, hoping that planning for it will make the time go faster.

“Oh, I’m taking a shower and getting right into bed. And you can’t make me get up.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I’m serious. Don’t ask me to do a single other thing cause I won’t do it.”

You laugh. “For the whole day?”

“Probably. And you better not go anywhere either. We could both use the rest.”

“Okay, rest day all day.”

“We can order Thai though. So we’ll get up for that. But even then, it’s just to sit on the couch.”

“Maybe the floor.”

“I will also accept floor,” he concedes, and then it occurs to him that you might’ve been asking because you want to do something with him. “Is there something you wanted to do the next day though?”

“Well... the saucer magnolias are blooming at the Smithsonian again.”

“Say no more.”

You sigh wistfully. “You’re my favorite boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

“Well, I should hope so,” he says, smiling. “You’re my favorite, too.”

“Aren’t I the only partner you’ve ever had?”

“Ha ha. I had a girlfriend in college.”

“Spencer, you were like sixteen in college.”

“I wasn’t sixteen the entire time,” you hear the eye roll in his voice, “I have three PhD’s, it took me a little while.”

“Well, who is this girl? Do I need to beat her up?” you joke.

“No,” he laughs. “You are my favorite, after all. She wasn’t very nice to me.”

“Okay… so you told me not to beat her up but then gave a reason why I should?”

“Please don’t beat up my ex-girlfriend. I do appreciate your violent impulses though.”

“Mm, okay. As long as you know I could.”

“Sure, angel. You’re very scary,” he placates.

You let out a little gremlin laugh.

“Oh, and you’re delirious,” he notes, an amused lilt to his tone.

“Delirious because I miss you,” you sing, dragging out the ‘you’.

“God, where did I even find a weirdo like you,” Spencer laughs.

“I found you. You attracted me with your peculiar aura and soulful eyes. Trapped me in your… fucking what’s-it-called. Tractor beam.”

“You know, the term tractor beam was actually coined by science fiction author E.E. Smith in 1931 as an updated version of his original term ‘attractor beam.’”

“Hmm, yup. You caught me in that.”

“Did you call my eyes soulful?” he asks, seemingly just processing that part.

“Oh, you don’t like my adjective choice? Next you’ll have a problem with me calling your aura peculiar.”

“I mean… I don’t know that I loved it.”

“Here he goes fishing for compliments,” you sigh, rolling over to your other side and creating a bunch of shuffling noise on the line. Spencer wrinkles his nose, holding the phone a little farther from his ear until he hears you speaking again. “Okay, your eyes are big and brown and beautiful and they contain a standard unremarkable amount of soul, and your aura is also really regular. Regular Reid, that’s what they call ya.”

He’s frowning, you can practically see it, but he’s also fighting off an amused smile. “Well, that one started off nice, at least.”

“God! You’re so difficult. My boyfriend is sooo difficult. Why don’t you come home to me first and then I’ll come up with some more adequate compliments?”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

The two of you talk for a little while longer, with you telling Spencer about the new coffee shop you’d tried out and how their lavender latte actually tastes like lavender, which is basically unheard of. Spencer tells you about the standoff between him and an all too curious roadrunner that he swears was trying to get into his motel room. Calling it a standoff is generous; the man got bullied by a bird.

You try not to laugh and end up unsuccessful, with Spencer insisting that you were taking sides and he was well and truly in danger, which only makes it funnier. His voice pitches up even as he tries to keep his volume low, and you argue that his energy is just so attractive that even the local wildlife are drawn to him.

“Don’t start,” he warns, overwhelming fondness in his voice.

You make Spencer tell you something boring to calm yourself down from the image you’ve conjured of him being chased by a roadrunner, which, in your exhausted state, is even funnier than it should be. He claims to regret confiding in you with this, but he knows he’d do it again just to hear you laugh.

Instead of telling you something boring, he recites some of the poems he’s memorized over the years. It works the way you’d intended, and you regret it when you have to stop him to tell him you’re falling asleep. He’s just a little smug about it.

“So, you’ll be home in four hours?” you ask, the start of your goodbyes.

“More like three now.”

“We made time go faster.”

“We did.”

“Will you try to get some sleep?”

“Fine. Only because you asked.”

You hum, victorious. “Goodnight. I love you.”

“And I love you.”

Hours later, just as the sun is beginning to change the hue of the sky from deep navy to a hazy cerulean glow, you feel your mattress shift underneath you. You’re barely awake, but still you register the scent of Spencer’s shower gel, fresh and sort of woodsy.

Half asleep, you shift to accommodate him, and he slips an arm around you as you lay your head on his chest. You wrap an arm around his torso and throw your leg over his hips, as close as you can possibly get without literally being on top of him.

You sigh, deep and relieved, and Spencer’s heart stutters.

“I missed this,” he chuckles, resting his cheek against the top of your head and wrapping his arms tighter around you. You just hum in response, the last of your energy before you’re pulled back under. Within minutes, Spencer is asleep too, and the two of you sleep through sunrise and into the afternoon.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x you #criminal minds #spencer reid fluff #my fics #your honor im obsessed with him

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f1amour · 5 months ago

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˖ ࣪ 𖥔 NO ONE NOTICED — CARLOS SAINZ

[social media au + some real life]

pairing | carlos sainz x mexican!reader

face claim ★ danna paola

content warnings | age gap (reader is 22) angst, suggestive content

authors note | not spell checked. based off no one noticed by the marías. if anyone would like a part two with a happy ending let me know <3 posting this to start off some manifestation that carlos wins the vegas gp please just one more win with ferrari 🤞🏼

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liked by carlossainz55, alexandrasaintmleux, carmenmmundt, landonorris, bellahadid, dulcemaria, and 842,496 others

yourusername monza gp was amazing as always. now off to my home for a little break 🇲🇽🤍

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user1 she ATE every single outfit at monza

user2 girl might as well post carlos in the second slide we all know that’s him😭

alexandrastmleaux pretty girl 💓💓💓

yourusername please that’s all you 🤍

carmenmmundt hermosa! can’t wait to see you

yourusername reuniting so soon i love you😭

user3 kind of new to the fandom but how does she know so many wags??

user4 she’s a singer and occasional youtuber who was invited to sing the national anthem of mexico at the mexico city gp in 2021. it’s been rumored she has a fwb situation with carlos but never been confirmed even though she’s been spotted in his garage at multiple races

user5 carlos needs to make it official atp she’s his biggest supporter despite him constantly saying he’s not in a relationship and doesn’t want to be in one

user6 our girl deserves better if he wont appreciate her then let her find someone who will

♥️ yourusername liked this comment

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SEPTEMBER, 2023

You walk close behind Carlo as he makes his way back inside the house after having a relaxing day at the beach he’d saw the dms from random people about you liking a certain comment “It was an accident. I thought I was liking Carmen’s comment and I don’t know my thumb slipped or—.”

“An accident? You responded to Carmen way earlier that comment was made hours later. Just stop lying for once in your life, yn!”

“No that’s now fair, Carlos. You say I lie all the time? I lie for you! I don’t want this anymore. I want something real…that’s the truth.” Your eyes well up with tears overcome with emotions you sit on the bed feeling deflated.

Carlos sighs and sits beside you, “Y/n…we said from the beginning this would be—.”

“No feelings attached only sex because with both our careers being busy a relationship would not be healthy for us. I have that memorized, Carlos. I know we agreed to that and it was going well,” You quote what he had said to you the night after the México City Gp in 2021 where you two had spent the night together.

“I thought I could have sex with you and have no feelings for you but how can I not? You…you always know what will cheer me up. You are the first person I call or text in the morning even if I’ve had a busy week. You know exactly how I take my tea or coffee, you kiss me with a passion that makes me believe you love me too, you hold me like you never wanna let go…how can I not fall in love with you?”

And there it was. The three words Carlos had been trying to avoid from you not because he didn’t feel the same way but he knew his life and your would ever be stable for a relationship. Among other things he just knew this may not end right if you got into a relationship but now looking at it, this situationship was ending now.

“Y/n…I don’t feel the same way.”

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SEPTEMBER, 2023

liked by yourusername, user1, user2, user3, and others

smoothoperator_updates carlos has won the singapore gp!!! this is a huge accomplishment after redbull dominating season so far. congrats carlos! 🏎️

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user1 anyone else see yn like this post? why was she not there😭

user2 yn in the likes because she unfollowed carlos…my heart is breaking

user3 they definitely ended their relationship or whatever it was after the monza gp just a few days later she unfollowed him even though he still follows her

user4 y’all go check f1gossiponthepaddock recent post…carlos is horrible for that

f1gossiponthepaddock spotted! carlos sainz cozying up and kissing mystery brunette at a club celebrating his singapore gp win. sources at the part said he never left her sights and was very hands on. quite a fast rebound after being spotted with y/n y/l/n just a few weeks ago.

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NOVEMBER, 2023 • PODCAST INTERVIEW

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yourusername posted a story !

slide 1 tan lejos de mi, te sigo pensando. me canso llorando.

carlossainz55 posted a story

slide 1 i wanted to stay, i wanted to be there. i wanted to hold you, but i was afraid. i should've told you.

#f1 amour works 🏎️🏁#carlos sainz #carlos sainz smau #carlos sainz texts #carlos sainz x mexican!reader #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz one shot #carlos sainz drabble #carlos sainz blurb #carlos sainz social media au #carlos sainz smut

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mxstellatayte · 10 months ago

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Hii could you write a smut one shot w sub Carlos and dom reader?

HOLY JEEZ MY FRIEND

I MOST CERTAINLY CAN HERE YOU GO

(you said one shot and i heard 1.5k words of PURE PORN)

nsfw under the cut <3 minors please do not interact!

warnings: very not beta read! carlos is a whimperer i don't make the rules, friends to fuck buddies to idiots in love, bro meets jesus, legal use of alcohol, making out, sex under the influence, creampie, hickeys, open ending, stupid fluffy vanilla bullshit

it started out with one too many shots of shitty tequila after mexico 2023 and a chayanne song.

gods damned mexican liquor.

max had, yet again, won, except this time, he had broken yet another record. so of course he invited everyone on the grid and their friends out to drinks.

"come on, lia, a couple of drinks won't hurt! plus, i can probably rope carlos into paying."

you and carlos had grown up together in madrid, and you'd always been his biggest supporter in the garage. it didn't matter who else he could've brought along, because when the two of you have a connection so deep that all you need to do to laugh is make eye contact after anyone says something even remotely sexual.

there was always an air of awkward tension between you since that time you accidentally walked past his bedroom door and heard him moan your name. you just pray that, with all the nights you've spent at each other's houses, he's never heard you moan his name while you fingered yourself across the thin walls.

and so here you find yourself, in the center of the dance floor in a club in the heart of mexico city following the grand prix weekend, your heart pounding, your confidence blooming, and your ass grinding up against carlos' crotch to the rhythm of mi gente by j balvin, his large hands resting on your hips.

you aren't sure how the idea springs into your mind, but you'll blame it on the liquid courage. as the next song comes on, you spin around in carlos' hold, your right leg slotting between his own, and that's when you realize it. he's hard. a smirk tugs at your lips and when you look up at his face, your eyes meet and that's when you know. if you don't get out of this stifling club and back to your hotel in the next ten minutes, you might just have to fuck him in one of the vip rooms. your hands come up to rest on his chest and you hinge forward, your lips directly next to his ear.

"you wanna get out of here?"

"please," he says, and the pure desperation in his voice makes your stomach erupt in butterflies.

"then let's go." you grab his hand off of your hip and immediately book it out of the club. thank god your hotel was less than one block down the street, because if you had to drive anywhere, you might've just sucked him off inside the car. your feet hurt from your heels, but with your level of arousal and in your drunken state, you couldn't care less. all that you care about is that this elevator is moving way too slow and that carlos' lips feel so good on your own. the kiss is hot, wet, and messy, a flurry of lips and tongue and teeth, hands scrambling to hold whatever they can.

the elevator reaches your floor, and you've never run faster in heels. you're holding carlos' hand, the two of you running down the hall like a pair of horny teenagers (which, being entirely honest, is the mental state you've been reduced to at the concept of finally fucking your best friend,) and laughing uncontrollably. you almost fall over laughing when he fumbles through his wallet for his keycard, drunken fingers lacking any sort of dexterity. the sound of the door finally unlocking is your favorite sound at the moment, and you throw the door open, push carlos against the nearest wall, and kiss him harder than you've kissed anyone before.

your right hand holds the side of his neck, the tips of your fingers barely weaving into his hair, while your left goes down to cup his incredibly hard cock through his jeans. palming over his erection pulls some of the greatest sounds you've ever heard from him. forget hearing him moan your name through the wall as you pass- instead, hearing his whimpers at your hand is the greatest thing you've ever heard in your whole life.

"are you okay with this?" you pant, your lips coated in a mixture of both of your salivas, carlos' eyes heavy with lust.

"i've been hoping and praying for this for years, amor. please. i need you." without hesitation, you pull him back to you and kiss him with no mercy. he pushes back, stepping forward and eventually gently laying you down on the bed. "need this off," he says, tugging at your dress as he undoes the clasps on your heels and throwing them across the room.

"zipper. back. fuck." his hands somehow regained the dexteriety he lacked five minutes ago as he expertly undoes the zipper of your crimson dress and helps you shimmy out of it.

"ay, diós, you're beautiful." you're left laying on the bed in just your strapless bra and black panties, carlos way too overdressed, and his eyes admiring your body. his lips continue kissing down your neck as his hands reach beneath you and unclasp your bra, hands immediately cupping your tits.

"mm, carlos, as amazing as this is, i need you inside of me in the next sixty seconds."

"as you wish." carlos strips as fast as he can as you pull your panties off, and when he slides into you slowly, you throw your head back and grasp at his upper arms, your breaths heavy and labored. "oh... oh, fuck." his forehead presses to yours when he finally bottoms out inside of you, your breaths mingling as you hold him as close as you can.

"carlos, please. move. i can take it." you emphasize your point with a clench around his girth, and your body heats up infinitely more when he whimpers.

"'m not gonna last long if you keep doing that," carlos groans, and you tease him once more with another flutter of your walls around him.

"i'm not either, but i need you to fuck me right now, baby." he responds by pulling his hips back, then pushing back into you. he maintains a steady pace, and your moans continue with every punching thrust. "feels so good, baby, just like that."

"keep... keep doing that. please?" from the way his dick twitched inside of you when you praised him, who would you be to deny him such a request when he asked so nicely?

"mmgh, carlos, so good. faster, baby, please, i'm close. i'm so close." his hips snap into you faster, and you moan loudly as your nails scrape at his broad back and shoulders, surely leaving marks that will raise and turn red with time. with the pain, carlos' volume matches your own, and you can't help but grin as he bites at your neck, leaving his own marks for you to admire later. you yell with his left thumb comes to play with your clit, finding the bundle of nerves after a moment of searching, and he rubs tight hard circles that have you cumming hard.

"oh, fuck, carlos, i'm cumming, i'm cumming, oh my god. just like that baby, so good, so so good." you're reduced to a babbling, mindless, moaning mess, and your eyes are held open as they focus on carlos' face, eyebrows creased in pleasure, lips hanging open, and eyes shining with pleasure.

"i'm gonna cum, amor. i'm... where? where do you want it?"

you don't hesitate for an instant before mumbling out an "inside. inside, baby," and carlos' hips stutter and he cums inside of you with a groan. the warmth of his cum inside of you turns you on more than you could ever imagine, but you're too exhausted and fucked out to even consider a second round at the moment. "just like that, baby. just like that. ah~" you moan one last time when he pulls out of you, both of you panting and gasping hard for breath. carlos flops down on his stomach next to you, completely boneless and fucked out, and drapes his right arm over your waist.

"thank you," he mumbles into your neck. "i've wanted to do that for years."

"so have i," you say, the post-orgasmic haze crawling over your body. your eyes are heavy, but they snap open when you hear what carlos says next.

"you aren't that quiet, and your walls are thin."

your head rises from the pillow to look down at him. "cabrón, are you telling me you heard me moan your name and you didn't tell me?!"

"yeah, i guess so. i wanted to tell you after we finished secondary school, but you were with that other guy... what was his name? manuel? mateo?"

"matías," you laugh, bringing your hand that isn't gently playing with his hair up to your face, giggling hysterically. "i only got with him in hopes that you'd get jealous or something!"

"en serio? we were that blind?"

"i guess we were." you both burst out in laughter at your dual idiocy, but as you calm down, sleep takes its grasp on both of you, and you eventually succumb to its hold, safe in each other's embrace.

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hechadepoesiayestrellas-blog · 2 years ago

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And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite 💌

#taylor swift #the eras tour #eras tour #folklore #folklore taylor swift #folklore blue dress #mexico city ts the eras tour #eras tour mexico #mexico city night 3

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quickstappen · 21 days ago

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track 006: he's the one i'm leaving you for

A/N: i seriously doubt that i'll be able to mantain this pace of posting, but this one couldn't really wait - enjoy the second part of track 005.

(i am sorry in advance to all the ln4 fans, he does not get better after this)

masterlist | previous next

USA 2024

paola_sainz posted new instagram stories!

caption 1: you can tell that I'm stuck in London because the weather's so shit

caption 2: if anyone asks, I'm definitely working right now

⟶ landonorris replied to your story!

landonorris ouu a rebel 🫣 riskyyy

paola_sainz not really, since I'm basically my own boss

⟶ oscarpiastri replied to your story!

oscarpiastri Will you still be working in about 3 hours?

paola_sainz does it really matter? you know I'll make time

oscarpiastri I don't want you to ruin your schedule

paola_sainz nah, I should be done in an hour anyway ❤️ just saying, you don't have to ask every time

oscarpiastri I'll call you after debrief ❤️

paola_sainz I'll be waiting bebé

caption 3: all ready for the race! I won't be doing a watch-along this time, but I might have a surprise for you guys later

⟶ landonorris replied to your story!

landonorris ah, will you be cheering me on again? seemed to work like magic the last time 😉

paola_sainz everyone knows I'm a ferrari girl Norris

landonorris oh no, you wound me Lola ��

paola_sainz I'm sure you'll live

TWITCH ACCOUNT ⟶ PAOLA_SAINZ

now streaming: join leave

↳ - - 0:12h - - - -

↳ - - - - 2:47h - -

MEXICO 2024

paola's messages:

paola_sainz posted new instagram stories!

caption 1: why did noone warn me about the mountains of paperwork

⟶ oscarpiastri replied to your story!

oscarpiastri I'm pretty sure Jason did warn you when you told him what you're planning

paola_sainz well he's a lawyer! I thought he's contractually obligated to say that!

oscarpiastri Do you want me to help? Or just be there to cheer you on?

paola_sainz I mean... A little cheering on wouldn't hurt

oscarpiastri Give me 30 minutes love, I'll call you when I'm at the hotel

⟶ juliandrews replied to your story!

juliandrews do you want me to come over and help? I can at least be useful since you decided to involve me in the whole project

paola_sainz it's fine, Ozzie is gonna stay on a call with me, ramble about some nonsense to get the time to go quicker

juliandrews 🧐

juliandrews yeeah, no more work getting done today then lol

caption 2: working hard or hardly working? couldn't tell you anymore

caption 3: I can't wait for you guys to see what we've been working on these past months 🫢 but first mexico city

⟶ landonorris replied to your story!

landonorris i was wondering if you were going to the gp, i guess we'll see each other soon then 😅

paola's messages:

paola_sainz and landonorris posted new instagram stories!

paola_sainz

caption 1: race might be starting soon but the work doesn't stop 😭

⟶ landonorris replied to your story!

landonorris i have a few ideas how to take your mind off of it

paola_sainz no thanks

landonorris you need to have fun every once in a while 😉

paola_sainz i have plenty of fun with my partner, thanks for asking

landonorris you know what i meant

caption 2: little sleep-in before family dinner

⟶ juliandrews replied to your story!

juliandrews insufferable the two of you 🙄

⟶ jasonndco replied to your story!

jasonndco Please, tell me you finished the paperwork before your "sleep in".

paola_sainz we did, we did. no need to panic

caption 3: all dolled up, time to face the music

⟶ oscarpiastri replied to your story!

oscarpiastri The fact that you look like THAT and you're leaving me alone in this hotel room is criminal

paola_sainz oh 🫣

paola_sainz okay, think of it like that: in the evening I'm coming back to you

paola_sainz and then you have me all to yourself for the rest of the night

oscarpiastri Well, when you put it like that 🤭

landonorris

caption 1: i heard you wanted a little something 🤫 this one's courtesy of carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, iamrebbecad and others

carlossainz55 Lots of things to celebrate today, we did good. Thank you everyone for this amazing family dinner too ❤️

tagged: iamrebbecad, landonorris, paola_sainz

see all comments...

iamrebbecad My winner ❤️

↳ carlossainz55 ❤️

paolando4 omg first the lando story and now this? paolando nation we are thriving rn!

isawthesainz I'd sell both of my kidneys for just one chance 😫

elmatadorf1 this loooks so fancy 😍 i bet it cost a small fortune

cuddlyxricc why would paola want to ruin her relationship with her family, just look at all the splendor in this one post I'd never give it up

STARG3N the tagging makes it look... suspicious

predestined55 it's good that paola finally realised her mistake 💀 she'd never have a better life and her and lando are so good together

maiberides guys let's wait for confirmation before we celebrate 🙏

landonorris The best company as always 🤭

↳ carlossainz55 Why do I have a feeling you're not really talking about me? 💔

L3CH41R okay i'm gonna need that puny brit to take a few steps back before i start throwing hands

eveof1 sjdhjsjs is that lando and paola in the last slide???

landoscarr the way he looks at her in the 3rd slide 🥺

carlando333 oh they are FEEDING the hungry paolando stans

chat_withmani oscar fight back! fight back dammit 🤺🤺

↳ albonohypetrain girl be so fr right now 😭 lando is a much better match for her

DXLEC 🤺 get back you evil motherfucker

L4NDOP1 the real brother's best friend to lover story 😳 I'm so in love with them omg

paola's messages:

click here to be added to the hiding in the seams taglist!

taglist: @blushmimi @Ale-522 @joalslibrary @jaydaaasworld @Fall-bambi @vroomvroommuppett @sugarhoneylemons @formulaonebuff @clove0 @rockyhayzkid @glitzyditzy @coriyaps @irishmanwhore @gr3yhues @kikiki04 @nichmeddar @sunfairyy @formulaal @marauders-wife @theseus-jpg @heavy-vettel @anxxiousaries @linaversion @gloriousmoneyrascalbiscuit @d3kstar @camelliaflow3r @delululeclerc @lesliiieeeee

xxx - couldn't tag you

DISCLAIMER: i do not know anything about this people, this is not real life, this is just something for fun, i do not know anythings about their life or personalities!

#f1 #f1 smau #f1 instagram au #for fun #ferrari #formula 1 #carlos sainz #ferrari f1 #charles leclerc #carlos sainz smau #oscar piastri social media au #oscar piastri #oscar piastri smau #oscar piastri x oc #mclaren #hits smau

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freakyformula · 5 months ago

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Honeymooners part 2

Summary: You'd been together for 5 years, you and Lewis. And finally, you tie the knot. But you've made a promise that you're scared to fulfill...

A/N: Read part 1 for context. No part 3 requests please, I'll make another chapter if I feel like it.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, smut, fluff, oral (both receiving), praise kink ig, creampie

Word count: 4,9k

The warm air that greets you upon landing in Mexico contrasts with the air that is chilled by air conditioning in the cabin of the plane. You had arrived in the middle of the night and the city looked awfully calm. When you landed and got into the taxi though, you had to swallow the fact that you were wrong and realised the city was full of life. The streets were full of people, both locals and tourists. The drive to the outskirts of the buzzing city felt awfully long, and you almost dozed off on Lewis' shoulder.

When you arrive to your destination, you believe you got the wrong address. The only thing in vicinity of the abandoned-looking house is a beach and some palm trees.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" You glance over at Lewis.

"I am, come!" He says enthusiastically as he takes your hand.

As you walk closer to the hut, you see lights spread all over.

"Oh, Lewis." You start, not knowing what to say. As you walk along the candle-lit path, Lewis grabs hold of you and pulls you into his arms. You're taken back to the times when your dad would carry you to bed at night, and you feel just as safe in Lewis' arms as you did in your fathers.

When you get inside, you're met with more candles. You turn around to face the man behind you, lost in a frenzy of lust, and there is no way to restrain it. You feel yourself growing more feral by the second.

Lewis walks up to you and grabs your hands, holding them tight, and giving them a few squeezes. He communicates with you in a language that doesn't require spoken words. His eyes tell you everything you need to know.

"I am sure." You breathe out heavily, craving his warm embrace. You feel yourself pulsating in your panties. Lewis doesn't waste his time, and lifts you up into his arms, making you giggle like a schoolgirl. When he kicks open the door to the bedroom, he orders you to the bed.

"Please, Y/N, sit." He says as he stays put in the room's entrance, holding his arm on the doorframe to support himself. You shoot him another look as you walk towards the bed, and sit down.

"Good girl." He starts as he starts walking over to you with slow steps.

"Safe word?" He asks.

"Safe word?" You ask him.

"Yeah, safe word. You know, in case we need to stop for any reason."

"Oh, right. I don't know, suggestions?" You ask, this being new to you.

"What do you think about the traffic light system?

Red- full stop and hands off,

Yellow- proceed with caution,

Green- more, please.

How does that sound to you, sweetheart?" He asks.

"Sounds good to me." You smile nervously as he sinks down in front of you, helping you remove your shoes. When they're off and Lewis is done tickling you under your feet, making you kick and laugh, he comes to a full stop. You look at him nervously, worried you did something wrong. All of your senses are on high alert, so when he touches you, goosebumps appear on your skin, giving you chills. His hands move up your legs, his touch is feather-light, barely touching your sensitive skin. You fall onto the bed and surrender completely to his mercy.

When his hands reach your thighs, you gasp in delight. "Please, Lewis." You beg.

"What do you need, sweetheart, say it."

"Need you!" You exclaim in irritation, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. Lewis responds with a chuckle, not pushing you further, and then uses his hands to pull down your shorts. He accidentally pulls down your underwear in the process too, revealing your bare pussy to him. When the smell of you hits him, he lets out a moan.

"Jesus, baby, smell so good." He whispers as he leans down to you and gives your lower stomach a wet kiss. He moves up, much to your dissatisfaction, as you want him lower. His hands move up to your shirt and pulls it over your head, revealing your cute bralette under it.

His hands creep under you, unbuckling the last piece of clothing. He throws the bralette somewhere in the room and goes to work.

You lean into his touch as his hands cup your tits and slide over your nipples, wanting more. "So responsive…" He whispers. His hands and mouth are all over you, licking, biting, squeezing, palming… Everywhere but where you need him most. The feeling drives you mad and you grab his hand to pull him where you want him, but he pulls away.

"What do you want, Y/N? Be specific."

"Need… Need your fingers… In me." You whisper, barely audible. Your confession makes you cringe and you hide away in your hands. Lewis is having none of it though, and pulls your hands off your face.

"Good girl." Lewis says, satisfied. He wanted you to be more open when it came to intimacy, and this was a good first step. You being able to talk about what you like and what you want from him.

Then, with a smile on his face, he leans in and breaks into your mouth, sucking on your lower lip, licking your teeth, and fighting for control with your tongue.

His kiss moves down to your neck, and the first mark of your life is sucked on your velvety soft skin. He stops what he's doing because of the gasp you make as you feel the sharpness of his way to worship you.

"You okay?" He asks.

"Green." You confirm, unable to form any sentences. His mouth leaves purple marks everywhere they touch, and you feel yourself getting wetter and wetter.

"You're so gorgeous… That pretty face of yours, these tits, and this… Pussy." He coos as his fingers touch the space between your legs.

It feels like you've ascended into heaven. His soft touch touching your clit, and diving down along your slit to your opening. You have been naked before, but you have never been bare, not like you are right now. Lewis sees every part of you in a new light, like he is seeing you for the first time ever. You feel the connection you are currently making, it's there, raw and newborn. You are sure Lewis feels it too, but you decide to let it be an unspoken discovery.

You were so reactive to him, not only his touch, but also his words, his smell, his voice, his soul.

Love is a sickness, you felt weak when you gazed up at him, like you were coming down with the flu. But at the same time, you felt a tingle, the same tingle you felt so many times before when you saw him. And not the usual look you would give a loved one on a daily basis. No, a real intense stare, noticing every little detail about them, the little things that made them who they were.

You squeeze your eyes shut in anticipation, you do not dare to look at him, wherever he is. When you feel his warm breath above your face, your breath hitches and you hold your breath. The tension could be cut with a dull knife at this point, and Lewis knew how ready you were for him, egging you on even further, testing how far he could push you.

When the tip of his tongue finally touches your flushed cheek, you groan. "Don't tease!" You whine.

His tongue licks a stripe down to your sternum and stops. His hands grab a hold of your tits and his mouth takes turns to suck on your hardened nipples. His tongue sucks onto your peaks as it moves around them, earning a moan from you. Then, a small, playful, bite. You yelp from the sudden wave of pain, but when he does it again, lighter this time, you look down at him and lock eyes. God, was he beautiful like this. He continues licking adorations along your body, loving lower with time.

His mouth dances on your skin, licking down your ribcage, and down to your belly button. His touch, addicting and hot, makes you shiver in anticipation. When his tongue reaches the space between your belly and your mound, (your lower stomach, if you will) he stops. "So this is what it feels like feeling pleasure without receiving pleasure…" He concludes to himself. You can't hear him, you are busy focusing on your breathing, afraid to lose it to the pleasure you are feeling.

You are lost to him, losing all sense of time and space. And when you feel his mouth on your clit, your mind goes blank, you are a groaning mess as he starts to work your clit with his tongue and mouth. He is sucking, flicking, and caressing your thighs with his hands, holding you in place for his treatment.

"Taste just as good as you smell." He whispers to himself, high enough for you to hear but you don't react.

He moves down to your entrance, teasing your sopping hole with his tongue. "Just imagine Y/N, this is where my cock will be in a bit. I can't wait."

You want to answer, but you don't find the correct words, so you settle on moaning like a proper mess. You're close, and Lewis takes notice by the way you're pulsating around nothing but his tongue.

"Cum for me, sweetheart, you can do it." He coaxes you, and a mere couple of seconds later, you're cumming around his tongue, yelling, whimpering and convulsing in his grasp. You just had the strongest orgasm of your life, and that was only by his tongue. You slowly come back to awareness by his tongue still inside you.

Jesus Christ, you think to yourself. As you come down from your peak, Lewis continues his assault on your poor clit, working you towards another orgasm. You feel his hands on the back of your thighs, pulling your legs up. His hand moves down to where his face is already working on you and places a few carefully considered circles around your clit. His fingers are replaced with his mouth, and you feel his finger teasing your entrance.

"Can I?" He asks tenderly.

"Yeah.." You answer out of breath.

The breach is more welcome than anything. You groan out as you feel his finger working its way inside of you, and with the angle of your hips, he instantly hits the right spot. Surely, this was something that Lewis had worked out beforehand.

Then, another finger. He gives you some time to adjust, and slowly, almost too slowly, he starts pumping into you at a persistent pace. The feeling of his mouth sucking down on your clit and his fingers preparing you for him, drives you closer to the edge faster than you could ever have imagined. With a few more pumps of his fingers, you cum, for the second time of the night. The sight of you, completely out of it, makes his dick twitch; the knowledge that he was the cause, that is.

You shoot up when you have recovered enough. His turn. You see the bulge and almost feel sorry for him. You unbutton his shorts and slide your hand inside. Lewis falls back on his back, and you follow him, kneeling next to him. It takes you some time, but when you finally get his shorts off, he's left in his shirt and underwear. You decide to tackle the problem in his briefs first, and pull his member out. Poor Lewis, he was hard as a rock, and panting heavily as your soft touch slid up and down his length. His member was veiny, with a particularly large vein sitting comfortably on the backside of his shaft. You slide back his foreskin, and admire his wet pink tip for a moment. The sight makes your mouth water.

He can't help holding on to the bedsheets for dear life as he feels your tongue on the tip of his twitching cock. You taste his arousal on your tongue, making you both moan out in unison.

You take his tip into your mouth, closing your mouth around it. You start to suck on it, your tongue sliding around him and along the slit of his cock. The more of him you take into your mouth, the louder he moans. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't fit his whole length into your mouth. When his tip hit the back of your throat, you gag. Lewis instantly looks down on you and pulls you off.

"Don't do that to yourself, baby." He looks at you with a genuine expression. When his cock slides into your mouth again, you don't force it, as you bob your head up and down. When he feels himself getting dangerously close, he pulls you off him.

"Do you feel ready?" He asks while his fingers brush your cheek.

"I think so?" You ask yourself while nodding.

"Colour?"

"Green." You reply.

"Good girl." He coos as he helps you onto your back, spreading your legs for him.

"Just let me know if I'm hurting you." He says before he gives his member a few pumps. When you feel his cock against your entrance, you instinctively tense up. Lewis notices, and tuts. "Just breathe, sweetheart, I've got you. Everything is alright." He tries to comfort. You try your best to breathe and take a few deep breaths. When he is back at your entrance, your hands interlock, and he lifts your hips up to ease his way inside. When you feel the pop of your entrance giving way, you yelp.

The pain of him entering your tight pussy is impossible to ignore. Lewis stops your whine with a kiss and stills inside of you, allowing you to adjust around him. He pulls his tip out only to push it back in, and this time, it doesn't feel as bad. Sure, it still stings in an uncomfortable way but you can handle it. With a little pressure by him, he burrows his way further inside.

"Let me help you." He suddenly says as he picks up a pillow and stuffs it under your hips, changing the angle. You sigh when you feel him enter your cunt again. This time, you are able to take all of it without an issue, and you both moan out in each others mouths. Your mouth is left gaping, looking up at the dark ceiling, whimpering at it.

You feel the tip of him hitting your G-spot again and again, coaxing you closer to that sweet release that you desperately need.

"Please, please!" You beg. "I know, baby. Just a little longer." He brushes against your ear. The feeling of him bottoming out within you, makes you yell out your orgasm. Shaking, you pull him down to you, catching his lips in a heated kiss. You lick his plump lips desperately, and he counters with giving you the same care.

You notice him getting closer when his pace slows down and you feel his cock twitching.

"Where do you want me?" He asks.

"In me, please." You beg as you pull him closer.

"Fuck…" He sighs out. "Want my cum huh? Want my babies?"

You come to a full stop. You look at him with a shocked look, feeling speechless. "Ehm…" You sigh nervously. What should you say?

Lewis notices how uncomfortable his comment made you and quickly apologises. "I'm sorry. It's just that… I'm so turned on by you, and I can't stop thinking of you carrying my babies one day."

"Jesus, Lewis…" You breathe out, just as turned on as Lewis was.

"Think about it, a baby, in here…" He says as he presses down on your belly.

"And some day there will be." You look up at him with a smile.

"Some day… Shit, baby. Can't wait." He rambles.

"Please Lewis, give it to me." You plead for his cum.

His thrusts speed up when he hears your begs, and he cums with a loud whimper. His white streaks of seed paints your insides, and he catches your lips in a searing kiss, moaning into each others mouths.

"My god, you did so well for me!... Such a good girl, taking my cum." He rambles as he cathes up on his breath.

When his shaft slides out of you, he goes down to look at the cum threatening to leak out. He does not let that happen though, and stuffs it inside again with his fingers. "Can't let any of it go to waste, right, sweetheart?" He coos as you look down at him between your legs.

"I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did." You say.

"Oh babe, this is the best sex I've ever had." He answers. "You're phenomenal."

Lewis gets up from the bed and quickly comes back with a wet towel for you to clean yourself up with.

"What do you want for dinner?" He asks.

"Lewis, you don't have to-" You start.

"Shush, Y/N, I insist."

Silence. Why is he the one making dinner after making you come not only once but twice? You give up trying to talk him into letting you help and you finally decide on ordering tacos instead of cooking. Lewis, of course, orders vegan tacos and you end up ordering the same thing.

As you wait for the food to arrive, you talk. Talk about everything. Future plans, wishes, hopes.

"I'm thinking about retiring." He admits.

"What?" You ask, not sure if you heard him correctly.

"Yeah. To have more time for you and the baby."

You giggle. "Lewis... There is no baby, yet."

"Yet." He says with a wink, and catches your lips in a kiss, feeling ready for round 2.

Ding dong. Finally, you were starving.

"These are the best tacos I've ever had!" He exclaims as he takes another bite.

"Mhm." You agree.

When you're done, you get into bed again, and cuddle up next to him. You're lulled into a comfortable slumber as he brushes your hair with his fingers and strokes your arm.

"Morning…" He groans.

"Morning, Lewis." You look down at him, and lean in, giving him a soft kiss on his forehead. He giggles, and pulls you closer. He's warm, as always, and the feeling of him envelops you as you're tangled up in each other.

When you look up at him with a frown, his calm expression turns to worry.

"Is something wrong, love?" He asks.

"No, nothing. I'm just thinking about what you said last night."

He looks at you with confusion in his eyes. "Oh, kids?" He suddenly remembers.

"Yeah…" You look away to avoid his warm gaze.

"Sweetheart…" He takes hold of your chin and moves you to look at him again, and continues. "I just said that I want kids. Not that we need to have them now. Right away."

Silence. You process his words for a couple of seconds before you open your mouth, but no words come out.

"I…" You start. "But I want to, I want kids too, I'm just… Scared." You admit.

Lewis tuts and leans in, giving you a lengthy kiss. "What are you afraid of, love?"

You take a moment to gather your thoughts. "I don't know. Failure. Pregnancy. Birth. Parenting. All of it?"

"You'd never fail as a parent, Y/N. I've seen you with kids and they adore you!" He tries to resonate. He sighs, "I love you, Y/N, all I want is for you to be happy. I don't mind waiting for you to be ready."

His words make you smile, and you feel your heart swelling with adoration for the man. "Well… What if I 'forget' the pill tonight?" You ask.

The thought of carrying a baby for 9 months, the morning sickness, the aches and cramps. Not to mention birth itself. Risking chronic health issues just because you had a kid. But you loved children, and you wanted nothing more than to create a family with Lewis, and you knew you were safe with him, and your kids would be too. They would grow up in a loving household. And to add to it, you knew Lewis would support you through pregnancy and birth.

When he hears your words, his eyes widen. "Are you serious, Y/N? Don't fucking mess with me right now." He warns, springing up in bed.

"I'm serious, Lewis, I'm ready to start trying."

He scans you for any sign of uncertainty, but you show no sign of hesitation. He jumps out of bed and runs into the bathroom with a trail of "wheeee". When he comes out again, he's holding your packet of pills, "Last chance, Y/N." He says. You giggle and nod, and he takes that as a sign to toss the packet in the waste bin.

When he's done, he walks up to the bed again, and sits down. "So, when do we start practising?" He asks with a teasing tone.

"Later. We've got plans, remember?" You remind him.

You were set to go surfing with a surfing teacher, something you had been looking forward to for months. Lewis was a natural at surfing, compared to you, hence... The teacher.

Lewis groans into the bedding and suddenly doesn't seem that enthusiastic about surfing anymore.

"Come on, it'll be fun!" You clap his shoulder as you get up to get ready.

You were sporting a black backless bathing suit for the occasion, which you knew would drive Lewis mad.

"Ready to leave?" He asks, as you start your walk down to the beach where you would be meeting up with the man helping you out.

You spend the whole day in the water, riding the waves and even keeping your balance a few times, not falling into the water instantly as you try to stand up on the board.

"Don't crouch, stay up, head up!" Lewis yells as you find your way towards the shore once again, riding a wave.

You do as he says, and succeed, riding the wave all the way back.

"You did so well!" Lewis runs up to you.

"Thank you!" You reach out for his embrace and say your goodbyes to the teacher accompanying the pair of you. It was already getting dark. As you walk back to your hut, Lewis holds you close, giving you looks. "What do you want to do when we get back?" He asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Hmmm, hit the bed and… Sleep?" You joke.

Lewis lets out a laugh, "I'm not letting you sleep before I've filled you up, love." He whispers in your ear. You come to a full stop, feeling yourself already getting wet. He had to stop talking like this, otherwise you would go insane.

"Stop!" You gasp, slapping his butt with your towel, earning a laugh from him as he picks you up into his arms, swinging you around. "I love you so much, Y/N." He whispers as his gaze travels all over your body.

When you finally make it back to your small abode, Lewis can't hold his hands to himself anymore. His hands are all over you, touching your heated skin. Your body exists only where he touches you, setting you on fire.

Where his hands isn't, his mouth is. He is licking, nibbling, and sucking on your skin, leaving marks along your neck and chest, something you would curse him for the day after.

"Can I remove this?" He asks, pointing to your bathing suit.

"Yeah." You reply, already stepping out of it and tossing it across the room.

You are bare before him, not knowing what to do next, so you stand there like a fool. He is mirroring you, and just stands there. You wait for him to make a move, but he just looks down at you with a smile, his eyes shining brighter than the stars.

You slowly move your hand to the lining of his swimming shorts, and slip your hand inside. When you find what you want, you slide his member out, and give it a few pumps while feeling him go from semi-soft to hard. You watch a few droplets form at the tip of his cock, and you watch as the drops slide down his slit and drip down on the floor with amusement.

"Look at the effect you have on me..." Lewis moans in your ear, as you both look down at his pulsing member. When your hand stills, he lets out a groan from the lack of friction. His hips starts thrusting to keep the movement going and once again, he's a moaning mess. He feels himself getting close and stops himself, sliding away from your hands.

His hands travel down your chest to your tits, admiring the marks on your skin. "Look so good like this, marked. So everyone knows you're mine."

He looks up at you again with a mischevious smile, and bends down, lifting you up on his shoulder, with your body hanging like a ragdoll. You figured it was no idea fighting him, so you let him carry you wherever he is going.

When he lets you down, you land on the soft bed. He follows not far behind and leans in to kiss you, his hands palming your tits. When you feel his hand dipping lower down, you tense up in anticipation.

When he reaches your legs, and what is between them, your breath hitches, and you let out a moan, which sounds rather desperate.

"I love the smell of you..." He coos, as his face burrows into your neck.

He longed to be inside of you again. He longed for you, to melt into you. He was right next to you, and yet, so far away. When his hands reach your mound, you lift your legs up, giving him space and allowance to slide his hand home, where he belonged. His fingers slide along your slit and land on your entrance, circling around your sopping hole. Two of his digits bore their way into you and you gasp at the intrusion. "Shhhh, just my fingers."

His fingers scissor your insides, and tickle the right spot, coaxing you closer to a orgasm. You are shanting "I love you's" and profanities mixed into a incoherent mess of words.

Lewis is working you up to the edge of an orgasm quickly, and stops. "What the fuck?!" You yell at him. His reply, chuckling and continuing what he was doing, pisses you off even more.

Helplessly, you sink down under water as Lewis pushes you over the edge, and you finally cum. You can't help it, and whimper out your first orgasm of the night. When you make it to the surface again, you are floating, with Lewis holding you in place by your core. Sweat is gleaming on your forehead as you slip back to reality, and Lewis looks down at you with a warm smile, flashing his dimples.

"Do you think you can take me?" He asks.

"Do not start with me, Lewis. Come here..." You pull on him.

"Get on all fours." He commands. And you do, quickly as anything, swaying your hips and arching your back for him. When you feel his cock against your cunt, you push onto him, desperate to feel him in you. The tip easily slips in and you yelp, the pain just as intense as the day before. Surely, you would never get used to his size. He was big. But somehow, he fit perfectly.

His strokes are soft and slow at first, letting you adjust to him. Soon enough though, his pace picks up, and you're both whimpering in delight.

His hand travels down to your lower stomach and stays put, stroking the soft skin. "You're gonna look so beautiful full of my babies, love."

The words that come out of his mouth makes you moan out, feeling yourself getting closer to your second release. You fall silent when your orgasm crashes into you like a freight train, taking you by surprise. Lewis looks at your contorted face and continues ravaging you. When you come back, you gasp for air.

The feeling of him sliding in and out of you sends you reeling. "Oh, Lewis..." You moan, trying to catch his attention.

"Yeah, love?" He answers.

Then, softly, innocently, you speak as angels might; "Please cum in me..." You beg, shanting the same ditty over and over.

"You deserve that." He coos in your ear as his pace quickens. "Want me to fill you up, huh? Want me to impregnate you?"

"Please, Lewis, please, yes." You ramble.

And with a last thrust, he yells out his orgasm. His cum spills far inside you and the feeling of him painting your insides pushes you over the edge for the third time.

You are both a panting, heaving mess. You melt into his body as he collapses on you and as a result, you collapse on the bed.

"Aren't you going to pull out?" You ask after a while.

"Why would I? I'm going to make sure it sticks." Lewis says nonchalantly as you feel him getting hard again.

And so, it starts all over again...

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